#backbone of a fucking eclair

[petersthimble]

Been seeing takes about the John Mulaney situation where ppl are like “I’m going to keep supporting him bc I still think he’s funny”, “tbh it’s not like John made the trans jokes why is everyone upset??”

People are upset because at minimum, trans individuals didn’t fucking pay get blindsided by tired jokes about their identity? What’s so hard to understand about that??? We can talk about all the issues with John Mulaney’s jokes another time but I think we can all agree, a huge portion of his audience is queer and to see him be buddy buddy with an open transphobe to the point of him literally surprise opening his show: Was wack as fuck.

If you wanna support John after all this and literally don’t care: Just fucking say that. Don’t sit there and try to justify him making his trans audience feel belittled on a night I’m sure they thought would be great fun and ended up being traumatic.

#petersthimble #like y’all have worms in ur brain #if you wanna separate the art from the artist just say that don’t justify his actions #I don’t believe in separating the art from the artist btw I’m just saying if YOU wanna do that have at it #but the mulaney Stan’s I’ve been seeing on tumblr are killing me #MY KING I LOVE MY SKRUNKLY HE DIDNT EVEN SAY IT #yeah bc he was sitting on the fucking bench bc he’s a fucking loser #backbone of a fucking eclair #he let the queer audience that built him up and plastered his dumb face on memes and animatics down #disagree with me if you want but that just how I feel about it #clearly the john Stans aren’t gonna care regardless but I’m just saying y’all have worms #john mulaney #also that’s a grown ass man #he’s done coke???? he’s not ur OWO baby #he’s a fucking adult oh my god please stop this smol beanifactation

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Shirayuki: some spineless bitch doubted my moral conviction and tried to use my lack of title to manipulate you so I immediately threw myself off the building to prove a point

Obi: I jumped off after her no context no questions asked

Zen: I have to kiss someone on the mouth about this immediately

#obizenyuki #is this not what happened #obi #Shirayuki #zen wisteria #zen wistalia #akagami no shirayukihime #Shirayuki really said ‘you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair’ and immediately hurled herself out the window #no hesitation #she just fucking Went #Obi saw her trip down and immediately went after her didn’t even know what was going on #zen immediately blacked out and ruined his three month hyper planned fantasy about how he would first ask to kiss her because that was the #most attractive thing he has ever heard #ot3 #they should be together forever giving Mitsuhide heart palpitations #Mitsuhide sobbing in the distance: I’m so happy zens found love with people who love him for him #mitsuhide simultaneously popping heartburn medication: I’ve never been more stressed in my LIFE #look as a polycule they have it all #they’re all dramatic and beautiful and genuinely respect one another #they’re all fucking insane #they all have an inexplicable aversion to using the fucking stairs #they are all me playing botw #‘I Will Use The Most Direct Path’ and scale a fucking wall when the stairs are like two feet to the left

[spiritofjustice]

UGH i want Connie and Rose of Sharon to be happy together so baddd why the FUCK did Connie leave her. it’s so upsetting

#Psy's no punctuation posts #grapes of wrath tag #their relationship is so cute and funny and he obviously rly loves her #but he's a fucking pussy who runs away at the first sign of trouble. honestly if he'd stayed he probably would've given up #when the baby was stillborn like he had the backbone of a chocolate eclair #i love him but he's so fucking pathetic

[puzzled-pegasus]

I made a list of Sanders Sides as John Mulaney quotes a long time ago and forgot how Absolute Gold they are

Logan: 

"I'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die."

Roman: 

 "I need everybody, all day long, to like me SO MUCH."

"Everyone get out of my way, I just want to sit here and feed my birds."

"I never knew that relationships were supposed to make you feel better about yourself. That's not really a joke, that's just a lil sweet thing I like to say."

Virgil:

"Do My Friends Hate Me, or Do I Just Need To Go To Sleep?"

"I am thirty-five years old and I am still terrified of secondary locations."

"In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin."

Patton:

"My vibe is more like, 'hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'll probably apologize to you!'"

"Ooh, ducklings!"

"[My dog] is my best friend, I give her a million kisses a day, she does not like me and barks at me and bites me all day long."

Janus:

"And I said 'no,' you know, like a liar."

"You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair."

*imitating an old gay man* "you want me to do what?"

"No, that's okay. I was lying. It was a lie. To get drugs. You know, like a crime?"

"You can go very far in life if you pretend to know what you're doing."

Remus:

"SCATTER!"

"FUCK DA PO-LICE!"

"Because it's the one thing you can't replace."

"Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you."

#sanders sides #sanders sides incorrect quotes #john mulaney quotes #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders

[ghouljams]

college au soap is the guy who does no homework, skips most lectures, sleeps in class, has a firework display of a social life, somehow gets along with the teachers and has the most niche troublemaking stories to tell but still manages to obtain stellar grades

college au ghost is the quiet dilligent guy who everybody questions why he would ever hang out with someone as infamously chaotic as soap

Oh good I can use my dad's delinquent stories for Soap this is great. I have many College AU thoughts. Thank you for letting me be abnormal about these boys and their ability to function in an academic environment.

I disagree with Soap skipping lectures, I think he goes to every single one just to get them off course with his questions. Raising his hand every time to ask if the chemical properties of whatever the professor is talking about might be more useful elsewhere. The professors know he's basically a walking demolitions unit and they respond accordingly. He's well loved for being one of the smartest students in the chem major, but yeah the only homework he does is for labs. Soap and Gaz know everyone on campus, they have a "guy" for everything. If you want to know where the parties are you just have to find Soap.

Ghost is the quiet guy everyone thinks is a delinquent until they hang out with him and Soap and suddenly you realize oh no actually Soap is the troublemaker and Ghost is trying to keep him in line. College Ghost got hit a little too hard with the uncanny autism mannerisms stick. He stares a lot, stands a little too close, visibly moves away from people trying to touch him, finds strange angles to sit in because it's more comfortable... He's the campus cryptid. He is the absolute joy of his professors, oh my god. He doesn't do much talking in class, only offers a few corrections or comments that always come off as put downs because he just sounds like that. So he goes to office hours for his professors and has philosophy debates. When I tell you he's the golden boy... He's gotten multiple personally selected scholarships, no one has ever seen him turn in a paper on time.

Gaz is always in Price's office. He has a chair in there, that's his chair, he brought it and it's his, do not sit in his chair. He knows the dirt on every student in his major(and in band, but he actually likes them). I want to say if anyone is skipping class it's Gaz, but with two majors I think he's in class all the fucking time. He skips at least once a week just to get some fucking sleep. Do not ask Gaz how he's doing he will just stare at you. He's got 3 papers due tomorrow and you're asking him how he's doing. Is already being fought over by three different embassies and he just turned in his paperwork for an internship. Looking into graduate school because Price recommended it, and hating every second of it. Loves learning, hates school.

Price is the dream professor, but he's also got the most conflicting rate my professor reviews. You either love him or you fucking hate him. "I learned things about military conflicts I didn't even know existed" says one review. "Told me I had the moral backbone of an eclair because I didn't want to take sides in a class debate" says another. "Office hours overrun with band kids, you'll never get help unless you play tuba" says a third. Everyone is thirsting over him. He does his best to look professional for lecture but that just means a button down that inevitably will have the sleeves rolled up and a few buttons undone by the end of class. Love notes on the backs of tests are a frequent occurrence for him, but maybe if he stopped slutting it up in lecture this wouldn't be a problem. Has been told by administration multiple times that he can't smoke in his office, but he's tenured so what are they gonna do?

#ghoul speaks #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #captain john price #college au

[chaoticace2005]

Hazbin Hotel characters as John Mulaney quotes part 4:

(Part 1 2 3)

Vaggie: I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.

Husk: I could never dress goth, and don't get me wrong; I'm unhappy. It's not that. It's just that if you're a goth person, every single day you have to put on like, new makeup, and nail polish, and Satan stars. Like I bet you part of the reason goths are so miserable is they wake up every morning and think, "Oh god, I gotta put all that shit back on. Why did I join?"

About Adam: He was kind of moving around the whole time, you know he was like: “Alright! I am too blessed to be stressed! Let’s do it. What are you allergic to? Besides work!”

About Vox: But sometimes he would be gay.

Alastor: I’ll take your advice friend I’ve never listened to before.

Angel: People always ask us… are you gonna have kids. And we say “No.” And then they go “never?! You’re never gonna have kids?” Look I don’t know never. 14 years ago I smoked cocaine before my college graduation. Now I’m scared to get a flu shot. People change.

Lucifer: They go, “No! In fact we’re gonna frame you for murder! And you’re gonna go to jail for 30 years!” And I go, “Why are you doing this to me?!”And they go, “Because we’re Delta Airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare.”

Niffty: And without looking up at me my dad just said, “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #source: john mulaney #vaggie hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #adam hazbin hotel #hazbin vox #alastor hazbin hotel #angel dust #lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #sir pentious #niffty

[carebooks]

a lot of people are talking about how the only good thing Viserys has done is support Rhaenyra as his heir and you know what— ya’ll are right and not at the same time.

this guy has the backbone of a chocolate eclair. he has been receiving so many manipulations and expectations and believes so much in the prophecies and dreams he grew up on that he was willing to sacrifice his wife for his unborn son and it was for naught. he was manipulated to marry Alicent, and Alicent was groomed to marry him by her father.

he keeps failing at being a father and a king at the same time. surrounded by what he himself described as ‘vultures to tear apart carcasses’ and it’s just incredibly disappointing.

because as a whole he isn’t a bad guy. he isn’t cruel to his subjects, wasn’t a bad father, isn’t a bad husband either (if you don’t count letting the maesters tell him ‘hey you can have your kid, we just have to butcher your wife’ and then letting them do it and not even telling her or giving her a choice in the matter) . but it’s because he’s nice that people think it’s easier to manipulate him, they try to charm him or work around him and it works. it’s so fucking disappointing. Tyrion Lannister was a kind person, he had sympathy for those suffering but he wasn’t easily manipulated either.

so, to see Viserys constantly manipulated by Otto or by Alicent through Otto is just so sad. it’s disappointing because you’d think he’d know better.

and you also start to think if Rhaenys had been named Queen instead, she wouldn’t let it happen.

#house of the dragon #episode 3 #viserys targaryen #rhaenys targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #tyrion lannister #daemon targaryen #alicent hightower #otto hightower #fuck otto hightower

[hermitdrabbles56]

The Chain As John Mulaney quotes

Time: I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day. I'll die.

Wild: because there's a horse, loose in the Hospital!!

Wind: I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

Legend: and with out looking up at me my uncle just said. "You have the moral backbone, of a chocolate eclair."

Warriors: And I said no..you know, like a liar.

Hyrule: Time for street smart with detective J.J. Bittenbinder! SHUT UP you're all gonna die! Street Smarts!

Four: A hundred, drunk, white children. Scream fuck "da" police in his face, and he was almost impressed!

Twilight: now we don't have time to unpack all of that.

Sky: Because we're delta airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare!🎶

#linked universe #lu twilight #lu warriors #lu sky #lu hyrule #lu four #lu wild #lu time #lu wind #lu legend #lu incorrect quotes

[j-hauke]

So I tried to write a chat fic for cod, I'm not a very good writer so I gave up but I thought maybe someone would think it was funny so here you all go have fun with this mess (let me know if the Spanish is right, I had to use google translate)

Soap created a group chat Added Ghost, added Price, added Gaz, added Alejandro, added Rudy, added Laswell, added Graves, added König

Soap: how come penguins can be gay but cows can’t be lesbian?

Ghost: what the fuck

Price: did you create a group chat just for this?

Gaz: I set the microwave on fire

Laswell: YOU DID WHAT!?

Rudy: how?

Gaz: I wanted ice cream but it was frozen so I warmed up the spoon

Graves: dumbass

Alejandro: cállate gilipollas puñaladas por la espalda!

Graves: I don’t speak Taco Bell

Alejandro: TACO BELL!??!

Rudy: calm down

König: what is happening

Soap: beautiful chaos

Price: cut it out

Gaz: yes dad

Price: I’m not your father

Soap: already know your lines

Rudy: Hermano, are you ok?

König: I’m not

Ghost: we know

Soap: I’m good

Soap changed Rudy to mother hen

Mother hen: I’ll accept it

Laswell: get back to work boys and Kyle we are going to have a talk later

Ghost: who ate my soup

Ghost: smart you knew I’d never forgive you

Price: it’s 2 am why are you eating soup

Ghost: someone ate my soup, I’ll find them and kill them

Soap: I’ll buy you more just go to bed

Ghost: it was you wasn’t it

Soap: unless it’s chicken noodle I’m not touching it

Price: bed both of you

Soap changed price to Daddy

Daddy: no

Ghost: fits

Gaz: some people are trying to get their beauty rest

Soap: you need it

Laswell: bed

Soap: alright alright going to bed

Graves: one time in a dream I dreamed that I was gay

Alejandro: you like fingers in your ass

Mother hen: so do you

Gaz: L

Soap: buncha hoes

Laswell: keep it tactical boys

Daddy: I’m the backbone of this household

Laswell: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

König: What is an eclair?

Soap: frozen dessert thing, it’s French I think

Graves: it’s a bread thing filled with custard with a frosting on top

König: I’ve never had one

Mother hen: I’ll look for them next time I’m at the store

Gaz: I’m so good looking

Soap: hello 999, this bitch is on fire

Alejandro: damn there was no reason to kill him

Ghost: he’s not wrong

Daddy: behave

Soap: sorry dad

Gaz added Alex

Alex: hi

Daddy: hey Alex

Alex: wtf

Gaz: it’s price

Alex: that’s even more concerning

Daddy: soap changed it and I’ve no idea how to change it

Ghost: it doesn’t need to be changed

Alex changed soap to lil shit

Lil shit: hey!

Gaz: he’s not wrong

Daddy: what happened

Alex: HE SET MY MUSTACHE ON FIRE

Lil shit: it was funny!

Daddy: soap

Lil shit: I can feel your disappointment

Daddy: room now and no explosions for a month

Lil shit: but what about on a mission

Ghost: I’ll do it

#simon ghost riley #soapghost #phillip graves #captain john price #john soap mactavish #alejandro vargas #alex keller #rodolfo parra #alejandro x rodolfo #cod modren warfare 2 #cod mw22 #captain price #kate laswell #incorrect quotes #chat fic

[makethatelevenrings]

I mean this with ZERO disrespect, I'm simply trying to educate myself on this matter because it impacts us all.

All I can find about the Israel-Palestine conflicts is the fighting. What I want to know is why.

Whats the backstory? Why are they fighting? Why is everyone persecuting one another and who in the government is responsible?

I heard Hamas bombed Gaza and has taken hostages. What brought on this violence? Do all the Palestinians agree with this?

(More personal opinion questions, you don't need to answer these)

Do you agree with Hamas? Do you think that violence was a last resort to free Palestine? Do you think it's justified?

One thing I do hate is people saying "I hate *this group of people*, they are bad." They can't all be bad. So I don't like the titles of Anti-Israel/Anti-Palestine because you're assuming everyone there is on the same side.

In conclusion, people are stupid. The government is messed up. Citizens and families want to live so why won't the government let them?

I’m genuinely grateful that you’re asking because educating ourselves is one of the greatest tools we have. I’ll break it up into sections.

1. What’s the backstory?

In 1918, the Ottoman Empire conceded land they controlled to Britain (this is still an ongoing problem regarding many, many things because the Ottoman Empire controlled many nations that weren’t theirs to control if you catch my drift. Look up the Elgin marbles for a fun wormhole of WTF Britain). The Arab Revolt was backed by France and Britain with the promise that if the Arab fighters could force the Ottomans out of the area of the Levant, they would be granted independence (McMahon-Hussein Correspondence) but, plot twist, France and the UK instead split the region (Sykes-Picot Agreement). The Balfour Declaration of 1917 expressed Britain’s support of the creation of Israel. After they gained control of the region, they established Israel and systematically began to take the land of Palestinians.

Note: Zionism began as a belief in the mid-18th century. Many, MANY Jewish people do not subscribe, encourage, or promote the idea of a Jewish state. I do not view Israel = Jewish because it is antisemitic to imply that the Jewish diaspora all exist under the state of Israel. Especially when many Jewish people disagree with Israel.

Note note: Zionism was created as a response to the numerous pogroms and other antisemitic hate crimes affecting Jewish people. the Holocaust was fucking awful. No ifs ands or buts. Genocide doesn’t justify genocide, however.

Continuing on. So, clearly, the Palestinians are pissed. They were promised independence and instead now have their land taken by a global superpower who has historically fucked over hundreds of countries (another wormhole for you: India under British rule, Ireland and literally all of its history with England, the transatlantic slave trade under Britain, Africa under British rule, Australia and the treatment of Aboriginals under British rule, America and the British, it goes on). Palestinians revolted from 1936-1939 because, again, their home and promise of independence was being stolen. They lost against the British army but then 1939 was a bit of an important year for everyone and they world was sucked into another world war.

With WWII saw the birth of the United Nations, an organization that might sound important but has the moral backbone with the equivalence of a chocolate eclair. The UN said “hey, why don’t we split Palestine and Israel into two different states so maybe they’ll stop fighting” (United Nations Partition Plan for Palestine) and, as a result, the 1948 Palestine-Israel war began. Hundreds died. 700k+ people were forced from Palestine and spread across the world in what is called the Nakba. Israeli colonizers quite literally moved into homes that had been occupied by Palestinians only days before. In 1918, the Jewish population of the region was 8.1%. In 1948, when Israel was recognized as a nation by the UN, the Jewish population of the region was 82.1%.

2. There’s plenty of infographics and videos explaining the next few decades but I’m already writing an essay basically so the gist is: Palestinians keep losing their homes and Israel keeps taking them. Israel forces the Palestinians into smaller and smaller parcels of land until the control virtually everything but a small strip of land (Gaza) and the West Bank. That brings us to 2006.

Hamas was elected in 2006 over rivaling Fatah, gaining majority amount of seats in the Palestinian Legislative Council under the promise that they would help end the corruption many Palestinians were frustrated with. Instead they took military control over Gaza and established an autocratic state over millions of people who were already suffering under barbaric policies and practices from Israel. Politicians.

This is where things get a little…messy morally. Do I agree with Hamas? Fuck no. I couldn’t care less about Hamas because they don’t care about Palestinians. Do all Palestinians agree with Hamas? Firstly, you will rarely find a group of people where all agree with some. Secondly, I don’t think they appreciate being bombed by Israel while Hamas leaders chill somewhere else. The people of Palestine are the victims of Hamas and Israel.

Did some Palestinians celebrate Hamas’ actions? Yes. Do I think violence is a last resort? Yes and no. Do I think it’s justified? Yes and no.

Lemme expand on those last two points. I want to be an international human rights attorney someday. The loss of innocent life is always a fucking tragedy that I hope to help prevent or to bring justice for them. I understand violence. I understand why people are so angry. I understand the rage and grief Palestinians feel. 75 years of having their rights stripped away, their homes quite literally occupied, their land and culture chipped away piece by piece, and their children bombed and shot at.

“But how on earth can you think violence is justified if people get hurt!” The American Revolution was an act of violence that got numerous people killed yet you will rarely find someone who won’t justify it. Ukraine defending themselves against Russia wanting their land with no regard to how many Ukrainians they kill is considered justified.

People just seem to focus on the “violence is bad” aspect of things once POC are involved. Yeah, I said it. Americans tired of taxation, of British rule, and of not having their independence causes property damage, argues with soldiers in the streets, and starts a war is okay but when Palestinians do it, it’s a problem? When Black Americans ask to stop being brutalized by the police, it’s a problem? When Black South Africans ask to end an apartheid state, it’s a problem? When Central Americans ask for western nations to stop causing coups that destabilizes their nations, it’s a problem? I could go on.

Yeah, violence is bad. Violence is also the way that a lot of countries are where they are today. Violence is sometimes the only reason why things changed. Violence is enacted on the oppressed everyday yet people only seem to really care once the oppressed fight back.

3. I’m anti-Israel because I don’t agree with the government and the state of Israel. I don’t agree with their 75 years of violent oppression of Palestinians. I don’t agree with their current or past actions. I’m anti-Hamas. I think they’re a vacuous organization that is more focused on getting what they want than considering the consequences of innocent Palestinians.

I’m also really fucking furious at Joe Biden’s insistence that we send aid to Israel. We have given Israel $260 BILLION since 1948. BILLION. And yet we have people dying because they can’t afford healthcare. Students leaving school because they can’t afford tuition. We have 8 year olds in debt because they can’t afford school lunches. The unhoused population is growing rapidly due to the housing crisis. I can sense the unemployment rate creeping higher. I know many people who have lost their jobs this past month alone. We’re days away from another government shutdown and they can’t vote on a speaker.

American politicians would rather send Israel billions more to bomb innocent people than to feed their own citizens. That, in my opinion, is a sort of violence that can never be justified.

#honey.txt #sorry for the essay #but really not sorry #I took a whole class on the global south during the Cold War and it really opened my eyes #granted my specialization is Central America but plot twist #America has been at the center of fucking stuff up there too

[siriuslystargazing]

Sirius' Moving Castle PT2

I'm sorry it ended so quickly i wanted to get the chapter out ASAP

Edit:16/10/23 - Grammar and spelling changes :)

The morning sun broke through the windows, and a layer of frost still clung to the windows. Remus couldn’t keep warm. He tossed and turned as much as his old, weathered bones would let him. That was his first indentation to say what happened last night was definitely not a dream. Remus slid out of bed, his body still aching and feeling weaker than the night before. He looked down at his wrinkled hands; all the callouses he had built up being a cobbler were gone, just replaced by wrinkled, old, leathery skin. Remus wanted to cry. He could feel the tears pricking and the sob rising, but in his old age, how could he call? It was no use shedding tears. It was his fault for standing up to a wizard… who was also wicked and slated his mother's shop. Remus had a temper, and he didn’t keep it in check last night, resulting in such a harsh and cruel punishment. He never thought of himself as handsome or good-looking, just sort of plain and ordinary, nothing special. Remus wondered if that was the reason he was single…

Remus sat up, reaching out for the time; he grabbed his tarnished silver pocket watch. He was planning on polishing the damnd thing, but now his hands were laced with arthritis he feared he would never be able to shine the ornate stag design on the front. Remus sighed, clicking the button at the top, finding it a lot harder than before the face spang open, revealing it was ten twenty in the morning. Fuck. He was late for work. Remus always started his day at 6 am, grabbed breakfast and brought his mum a cup of tea before starting on a new pair of boots. Remus shuffled off the bed, hitting the cold hardwood floor. He hissed, wrapping his blanket tighter around his body, trying to keep what little warmth he had trapped. He pottered around his room, gathering his clothes, when a knock sounded at his door, followed by his mother's concerned voice.

“Remus darling, are you awake?”  

Remus panicked. He was going to have to reply, or she would be in here in seconds. Remus gulped, “Yes,--” his voice! It was so old and broken, all croaky like his grandfather was

“My goodness, you sound terrible. I'm coming–”

“--no, Don’t! I don't want to get you sick!” Remus called back, praying that Hope would not enter.

“If you say so, dear,” her sorrowful voice broke out “, I'm just heading into the city. Peter is looking after the shop, so do shout to him if you need anything.” 

“I will.” Remus waited for Hope to leave before getting dressed. He went over to the wash basin and looked into the small mirror above the pale of water.

No matter how many times he glanced at his wrinkled face, Remus was still shocked, but at least his clothes suited him more. His brown slacks and well-worn mandarin shirt finally found the old decrepit owner the garments craved. Remus pulled on his shoes. At least he was still agile enough to tie the laces and then start packing a small case. If a wizard cursed him, Remus was sure another wizard or witch would help him reverse the curse. Part of him hoped he would run into that handsome blond wizard again. Remus shook his head at the perverted, though, of course, the young, handsome wizard would never fall in love with him. It was silly. He grabbed his winter cloak from the hook and wrapped it around his old body, pulling to the hood to conceal his face, and headed downstairs.

Peter was anxiously wringing his hands as usual. He hated being put in charge. He had the backbone of a chocolate eclair when it came to angry customers. Remus shook his head but headed to his workshop, pulling one of the pairs of boots he finished the day before. They looked about the same size as the wizard who saved him. Perhaps if he were to bump into him again, he could bargain the boots as a way out of the curse. Remus opened his case, put the shoes inside with the spare clothes he packed, and headed to the kitchen, grabbing a loaf of bread and some cheese for his long journey.

Remus headed out the back entrance, not like Peter would have noticed anyway and made his way through the streets. Local men were discussing the war efforts. Remus just tuned them out. What was the point in ruining what little life he presumed he had left over that stupid war? As Remus continued through the village, the built-up areas began to stretch out, leaving small cottages and the local farmer at the end of the road with his wagon. Remus paced himself over to the farmer and his farm hand, asking if he could hop on the back of his cart towards the wastes. The farmer agreed but was still giving Remus a lecture on how dangerous his trip sounded for how old he was. Remus finally started to understand why some old people were so grumpy…

By four that afternoon, Remus had reached the Farm and the entrance to the wastes. Now, when people who have never visited the Kingdom of Griffdom are told about the wastes that connect the land, a few people assume it looks barren of life.  Black sludge coats the ground where grass should grow, and all manner of disgusting creatures live there. Still, in fact, the Western Wastes is beautiful, picturesque, even—rolling hills filled with wildflower meadows and distant snowcapped mountains. To any budding walker or hiker, it was the perfect trail, but to a wrinkled older man like Remus, it was actually hell on earth.

After the overly kind farmer's wife tried to persuade Remus to stay in the valley, Remus was very thankful, but he needed to find help and sped up the cliffside. Remus was sure he had made good progress and decided to stop for a while, pulling out his bread and cheese pack. He stared out to the village below. He had barely made any progress, and his body was starting to ache. The wind was getting too cold.  He looked down at his food. He still had half a loaf left, so Remus decided to pack the rest away and pull himself up with a satisfying round of cracks and pops as he sighed, straightening his back and continuing; at this point, Remus really wanted a walking stick. He looked everywhere for one, but the bushes all had thorns in them or weren’t long enough for what he deemed his freakishly long, stupid Lyall gene legs. His father was a skinny bastard like him. Remus was starting to think the curse was just having a mini-giant as a father. Still, Remus pressed on up the hill until he noticed a broken tree. Remus headed over to it. The stalk was thicker than he wanted, but it was long enough. As Remus got closer, he noticed a broken snare trapped within the ropes was a magnificent white stag! Well, the head of one followed by a human body that was covered in Hay? Remus couldn’t quite tell it was like a strange straw-like dress, as if he was a peculiar animal scarecrow. He wasn’t surprised he was in the wastes after all.

“Holy–” Remus slid down the bank and into the hole the stag-man was trapped in. Being old wasn't as bad. The strange second winds with adrenalin were fun. Remus pulled at the metal wire. The stag was surprisingly docile for such a grand, wild and awkward creature.  Remus gave the stage a few reassuring words of encouragement before releasing the final snare. The stag didn’t move, and Remus was growing impatient with the thing. 

“Well? I freed you. Do I at least get some form of repayment?” Remus grumbled; the Stag man didn’t so much as bleat or do anything; it just blinked. Remus shuddered. It was slightly unnerving, “as if I should be so lucky... Well, if you see a cane or anything, I'd really appreciate it,” Remus sighed. So, instead of getting another curse, Remus clawed his way out of the hole, dusting himself off and continuing on his journey. The wind had begun to pick up, and the white fluffy clouds soon wooshed by; Remus held on to his cloak as the wind worked against him up the hill when he heard the rush of another person running after him. Remus looked over his shoulder, the wind taking his hood and blowing through his floppy grey hair. “What on earth?” 

It was the Stag-Man running after him, his straw entire body cloak billowing in the wind, and in his hands was a cane. Remus’ jaw hung open as he watched the beast-man run up to him and offer the cane with a bowed head. Remus looked down at the outstretched cane, taking it. 

“Thank you, it’s perfect.” Remus looked up, smiling as tears pricked in his eyes. After the day he had, this was probably the kindest thing anyone had done for him; the stag-man began waving his arms around, trying to stop Remus from crying. It worked. He was now laughing.

“If you really want to help me, you could find me a place to stay, a house, a cottage, anything.” The stag-man blinked and ran down the hill. Remus smiled, waving him off. It seems you get more cunning in old age. Remus was never one to ask people for help; he favoured his independence too much, plus he hated being a bother to people. But he realised he couldn’t rely on his wits alone. He needed help, and if support came in the shape of a man with the head of a white stag dressed in a straw dress cape, then so be it.

The sky began to darken as the white clouds rolled away, and thick grey ones blew in from the east. Remus looked up, watching the breaks when the setting sun would break through. He sighed, catching a glimpse of the village he hadn’t gotten very far. Remus tried to push on but found the cold had set into his joints. He decided to stop pulling his cloak tighter when he heard the thrumming of machinery and soot blowing in the wind. He looked up to the sky, gasping at the sheer sight of the war machine flying in the air. Its iron-clad underbelly blocks the sweet sun and what little warmth it provides.  Remus got up as he smelt the sweet smoke of a log fire. He wondered if he had stumbled upon a lodge or something as he followed the smell of fire only to be met with the clanking and groaning of a mishmashed land ship thingy– in fact, Remus had no idea what the fuck that thing was, but it was definitely ugly looking. That meant one thing. It belonged to the Wizard brothers Sirius and Regulus Black.

It looked like a castle. A black house sat at the top with three towers, then a second house attached to a balcony, and then a face and the Stag-man chasing it and waving at Remus. 

“I know I said I wanted a place to stay”, Remus started “, but not the Black Brothers moving castle”, Remus exclaimed, clutching his cloak tightly as the feisty castle settled on the ground with a groan, its large mouth like thing on the front opening and a tail with a door rested on the floor smoke huffed out of the castle like a giant sigh. Remus wandered over to the door. The stag-man tilted his head, knowing he wouldn't fit, but Remus would. He knocked on the rickety old wooden door, but there was no answer. Usually, people wouldn’t just trespass, but he was old and tired and old, and he felt entitled to it, seeming that it technically was Sirius' fault that he— Right. That.

Remus stepped inside, and a soft blanket of warmth lulled him in further, but he turned to the stag man. “I can’t thank you enough, Stag-Man! I hope you find happiness one day.” Remus felt younger in his soul as he smiled at the beast man. He didnt reply, just bowed his head. 

Remus stepped inside the ‘castle’, staking out the place. It was manky and disgusting. A thick layer of dust coated every surface and furnishing in the limited sight. He continued up the steps. Open spellbooks with coffee stains were strewn across the already cluttered table. Remus winced at the sight. Who could treat books like that? It was bloody barbaric; considering the owners were wizards, you would think they would have more respect for literature. Remus sighed, using a wooden spoon to push the filth of the book. He couldn’t make heads or tales of the script.

“That is some curse you have their gramps”, a crackly voice came from behind Remus. He whipped around, arming himself with a spoon. “Calm down and hand some of that wood, would you? I’m starting to crackle”, the voice came out again. Remus looked down at the fire pit. A tiny orange ember clung to a log swamped in a mountain of soot. Remus pulled up a dining chair and fed the fire. Two eyes popped out, and two stingy arms began peeling the bark off. Remus just stared in awe. “that is a nasty spell; it won’t be easy to break.” The fire sighed, munching on the fresh logs. Remus's mouth hung open. “oof, and you can’t even talk about it! Yikes, you must have really pissed off the wrong wizard,” Remus composed himself. This was happening. He was about to talk to an actual fire.

“Are you... Are you Sirius?” Remus asked, getting closer and letting the heat warm his weary bones

“No, I'm the great and powerful Fire Demon Calcifer.” Calcifer grew bigger as colourful flames whipped around him. Before coughing and returning to his average size, Remus contemplated an idea. What if he asked this demon to help him

“Could you break the spell on me?” Remus asked on the edge of his seat. Calcifer laughed, peeling another strip of bark.

“Sure, as long as you break the spell that keeps me in this rat-infested dump.”

“A fool's bagin then.” Remus sat back in his hair, tapping his cane on the wooden floor. He inwardly cringed. That was something Lyall would do. 

“No, a good bargain”, Calcifer began to beg. “Look, Sirius chained me to this palace and worked me to near death all day, every day!... Look, if you figure out the secret to this spell, it breaks, and that means I can break your licker split.” Calcifer looks at Remus with triumph in his strange fire eyes; Remus scoffs, sinking further into his chair, his eyes going heavy as the swell lul of sleep begins to take hold of him. “

“All right then, calcium–” Remus yawned, smacking his lips together like an old man. “it's a deal.”

Regulus urgently came down, buttoning his waistcoat and fixing his jet-black hair so it didn’t look so ‘I just got out of bed.’ 

“Portheaven door”, Calcifer grumbled, irritated by the constant knocking. Regulus made an angry noise, grabbing a cloak from the coat rack and stopping at Remus’ sleeping form. 

“Who is this?” Regulus pointed at Remus, who was pretending to be asleep 

“Port–haven–Door!” Calcifer hissed. Regulus rolled his eyes, donning his disguise and going down the steps. 

“Changing to Porthaven stand by”, Regulus muttered, turning the door handle, and the little circle with an iron balck arrow clicked and changed to the colour blue. Remus watched through the corner of his eye, Regulus had opened the door to a small harbour town. A fat mayor was stating there two seamen by his side, he was there requesting the presence of the great Wizard Jenkins, whoever that old fart was. Still, Regulus was quick to shoo them off and closed the door, thumbing through the summons letters he was given and discarding them on the cluttered table. Remus was already up and feeding a few logs to Calcifer, trying his best to be invisible, but when you are a strange old man in a castle, you sort of stand out. Regulus just watched, folding his arms. 

“And who might you be, Gramps?” Regulus started. Remus continued to feed the fire and returned to his seat. 

“Calcifer, let me in”, he hummed. Warming his wrinkled hands, Regulus looked at the fire, raising an eyebrow.

“I did not!” Calcifer spewed embers. “he wandered in from the wastes.” 

Regulus stiffened. “The wastes! Did you make sure he isn't a wizard, let alone a Death Eater?!” Regulus hissed 

“Do you really think I would let a Death Eater in here–” the doorbell rang, making Calcifer wince. “Porthaven door again”, he sighed. Regulus rolled his eyes again. Well, if the old man was not a wizard, he supposed he could stay. Regulus once again donned his disguise and answered the door to a young girl asking for a spell. Remus was in awe once more as the bell rang again, and Calcifered announced it was the Gryffindor door. He watched Regulus turn the handle, and the circular plate clicked to the red and just behind was the royal capital. 

“Do you mind? I’m trying to work here, Grandpa,” Regulus grumbled.  Remus took a step back, trying to curb his enthusiasm. 

“Sorry, it’s just–”

“Ugh, whatever, I’m getting something to eat.” Regulus removed his cloak disguise, heading to the table covered in exotic foods and prime cuts of meat, opting for the bread and cheese; Remus frowned. No wonder he was so skinny if he ate bread and cheese. All the time 

“Don’t you want some eggs and bacon?” he asked, filling a basket full of eggs and grabbing the fresh bacon hashes.

“As much as I would, Sirius isn’t here, so I can’t use the fire.”

Remus scoffed, grabbing the black pan that had barely been used since it was purchased off the wall. “don’t worry, I can cook”, Remus hummed. Regulus stopped watching Remus pot around. He snorted. “Good look, getting Caclifer to do what you want. He’s as stubborn as they come.” 

Calcifer stuck his tongue out, and whisps of green ember flicked off as he glared at Remus. “yeah, I won’t take any orders from you, gramps.”

Remus ignored him, setting the basket down and rolling his shirt sleeves up. “all right, Calcifer. Let’s get cooking.”

“I am a powerful fire demon. I. Don’t. Cook!” Calcifer roared, coughing a little on his flames, but Remus was unfazed, raising an eyebrow

“Really, well, I suppose Sirius would enjoy knowing about our little bargain”, Remus whispered to the angry fire, which quickly died down. 

“You. Wouldn’t. Dare.”

“Try me.” 

Calcifer glared at Remus as he placed the pan down on top of him and added bacon. 

“Here’s another curse… may all your bacon burn”, Calcifer muttered as Regulus watched on; Remus actually got the stubborn fire to listen to him. The bacon happily sizzled in the pan when Remus asked Regulus his name. Regulus was hesitant to introduce himself but realised if Calcifer obeyed and trusted the older man, he supposed he could too. Remus happily fired more bacon. Regulus helped by finding the kettle when the door clicked to black, drawing everyone's attention.

Sirius stepped through the door front, the inky void behind him; his blond hair lay limp, covering his eyes; concern quickly brushed over Regulus' face. Remus also stopped cooking, looking over at the wizard. So Sirius really was the one who saved him!

#remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #atyd wolfstar #maraders era #harry potter fanfiction #Sirius' Moving Castle #howls moving castle

[milflewis]

babe, have u talked about makkinen yet?

actually i am not done. they are a dumpster fire of a lesbian marriage that will never die where both of them are Terrible and Lovely but as i have said before bc michael has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair and would carve FUCK U into the side of hill’s car with his front wheel. mika looks like an honest to god angel beside him. if you ask dc it is michael’s biggest crime bc now no one believes him when he tries to tell ppl what mika is really like. michael and mika are the epitome of gender and i think they should fuck about it. this is my thesis.

#they are literalky incapable of seeing other ppl when the other one is there. it’s gross and awful and i am obsessed #makkinen #honest ship opinions #kyle tag #niamh.asks

[markantonys]

amol chapter 37 (which is 200 pages, so i am justified in making a whole recap for just 1 chapter!)

lan notes that there are many women fighting even among the southerners and also says “have you ever seen a man OR WOMAN from the two rivers ride?” (capslock mine lmao) when another borderlander says a lot of the newcomers look more like farmers than soldiers. we love to see it!!

“the babes kicked as she [healed birgitte]. did they react to times when she healed someone, or was that her fancy?” 🥺

“elayne’s sturdy boots looked like something a soldier would wear, not a queen, but she didn’t intend to ride into battle wearing slippers.” tuon and min take notes. and nynaeve for that matter. this has always been true of elayne: as much as mat, birgitte, and fandom criticize her for being a spoiled noble, she never hesitates to get her hands dirty when it’s called for and has no problem roughing it, wearing grungy boots, selling her own jewels to fill the city coffers, etc.

“[the guardswomen were] watching the seanchan with distrust. elayne understood the sentiment perfectly.” when elayne gets healing from a damane and sul’dam by offering her foot: “both seemed to take it as an insult. elayne had certainly intended it as one.” elayne tells birgitte to tell them to heal the others: “these seanchan paid very close attention to which people could speak to one another. elayne would not give them the honor of speaking to them directly.” “[the sul’dam] was highborn. light willing, elayne had managed to insult her again.” upon seeing how a scout bows and scrapes to tuon and mat: “she was also sickened. no ruler should demand such of her subjects. a nation’s strength came from the strength of its people; break them, and you were breaking your own back.” GO OFF!!!!!!! and so we have confirmation that elayne is indeed one of the few who does not have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair where the seanchan are concerned. the last passage is especially refreshing because someone is for once acknowledging that channelers aren’t the only ones who suffer under seanchan rule and disproving the “seanchan make life great for normal people!” fallacy. @ elayne, egwene, and gawyn: fuck everyone else i respect you!!!!!

“she took a moment to properly compose herself. smooth features, emotions in control. she picked at her hair, straightened her dress, then walked into the building. ‘what,’ she bellowed as she stepped in, ‘in the name of a bloody, two-fingered trolloc haystack-grunter do you think you are doing, matrim cauthon?’ unsurprisingly, the curse made the man grin as he looked up from the map table.” THEY’RE MARRIED!!!!

mat is wearing pink ribbon on his hat 🤮

“‘hello, elayne,’ mat said. ‘i figured that i could look forward to seeing you soon.’ he waved to a chair, bearing the red and gold of andor, at the side of the room. it was extra cushioned, with a cup of warm tea steaming on the stand beside it. burn you, matrim cauthon, she thought. when did you grow so clever?” MARRIED!!!!

no actually i’m on the floor over mat preemptively having a THRONE - an extra-cushioned one! - and a cup of warm tea prepared for elayne 😭😭 is that husband behavior or is that husband behavior!! it is the last battle but by god is he going to take the extra time to make sure his pregnant wife is comfortable and cared for! and seated on a throne as she deserves!

“‘i’d guess it has less to do with that medallion of yours and more to do with you having too thick a head for compulsion to penetrate.’ ‘bloody right,’ mat said.” MARRIED!!!!

“i come for the dragon reborn!” oh i bet you do, demandred. “you will send for him. either that, or i will see that your screams bring him.” when your ex has blocked you on all social media platforms and you’ve gotta come up with alternate methods of contacting them. demandred is standing in the street outside rand’s house screaming at him for the whole neighborhood to hear until tam finally sticks his head out the window and informs him rand isn’t even home right now.

rand sent “a small angreal of a man holding a sword” to logain and the asha’man. is this fat little man angreal my beloved?? aww i’m bummed he’s not with rand for the last battle. but excited that he has been sent off for another important purpose! presumably!

“gawyn didn’t like egwene standing there, head and shoulders hanging out over the battlefield. he held his tongue; the gateway was as safe as they could make it. he couldn’t protect her from everything.” king 😌 birgitte take notes

“where are you, lews therin! you were seen at each of the other battlefields in disguise. are you here too? fight me!” i literally cannot take demandred seriously jkjfgh he is soooo desperate

“[demandred was] killing thousands. and here they stood.” “how long would he just stand around and do nothing while men died? you promised, he thought to himself. you said you were willing to stand in her shadow. that didn’t mean he had to stop doing important work, did it?” okay so gawyn’s ~hero complex~ and ~inability to stand in egwene’s shadow~ is actually just survivor’s guilt and the very reasonable anxiety that it is the last goddamn battle and he’s not doing as much to help as he’s capable of. you all are so wrong about him all the time! how is this any different from rand’s pathological need to save everyone?

oooh interesting, gawyn’s exhaustion leaves and strength returns when he puts the bloodknife ring back on, so it’s kinda like a drug i guess, and maybe that’s why bloodknives don’t live long (in addition to the fact that they activate the rings for the purpose of going on suicide missions). and now he puts on ALL the rings! boy oh boy.

perrin was gravely injured after returning from TAR and is now in mayene, where tam predicts he’ll spend the entire last battle. lmao classic perrin, god. why the hell wasn’t he the ef5 to get killed off if he already accomplished his one task and is just gonna spend the rest of the last battle unconscious on the other side of the continent?

“what is that boy up to?” tam wonders upon receiving mat’s new orders. fondly baffled father-in-law ❤️

“dannil could say, and think, what he wanted - but tam doubted he would have liked to endure the things that had forced mat, perrin, and rand to become the people they now were.” 😭

“galad damodred was a man who could have used a few stiff drinks in him.” mat informs us that galad has a pretty face without adding To Women, I’m Sure. “‘you’ll do as you’re told,’ mat said.” oh.........Daddy Mat? 😳 i guess a few stiff drinks are not the only thing galad could use in him, am i right

“together, mat and demandred were composing a grand painting. each responded to the other’s moves with subtle care.” why is this so romantic. they should forget about rand and run off into the sunset with each other

“he noticed, with amusement, that in shifting it about for ‘comfort,’ [elayne] had somehow gotten birgitte to wedge [the throne] up a few inches, so she now sat exactly level with tuon. maybe an inch higher.” djkjfg good for her!! mat doesn’t even mind elayne flexing on his wife, he’s just fond at her for it. because it’s actually ELAYNE who’s his wife! this is the type of childish pettiness that feels made up for sanderson!elayne and ooc for original!elayne, but it’s hilarious and flexes on tuon, so i don’t care.

elayne wants to know mat’s plans, but mat’s reluctant to say anything outright in the command tent because he suspects demandred has a spy in there. and so, fascinatingly, he leads elayne and birgitte ONLY out of the tent to share his suspicions with them, and deliberately avoids tuon’s eyes when she questions him as he leaves. he does not trust her but he trusts elayne!!! so implicitly!!

“i want you away from the command post. i’ll tell you what i’m doing. if something goes wrong, you’ll have to pick another general, all right?” HE TRUSTS HER SO MUCH she is his right-hand woman! his bestie! his person! literally why the fuck is she not the one he married. we’ve now had 2 or 3 scenes this book of mat and elayne general-ing together like a power couple while mat’s actual wife either sits there in complete silence or is not trusted enough to come join the convo. we could’ve had mat and rand as brother-husbands if rj hadn’t been too much of a coward to let women have multiple boyfriends in addition to the reverse! (or better yet mat and rand also dating but that would’ve been even less likely to Actually happen, of course.)

“she folded her arms above her swollen belly. light, it seemed bigger every day.” mat is so soft for elayne and the babies!! 🥺 also, at some point in this chapter it is outright confirmed that elayne is 6 months pregnant. so @tonysstressball​ you are TECHNICALLY correct, but i still don’t buy it jkjfg i recognize that the council has made a decision but given that it’s a stupid ass decision i’ve elected to ignore it.gif

mat has been barking orders at everyone else, and offending min by saying he “could use” her, but to elayne, he says “i’d like you to go help at the ford” he loves and respects his wife 🥺 because she is his co-commander and he acknowledges her as an equal in every way!

elayne leaves, and i fear this may be our last matlayne interaction 😭😭😭 it was a good run!!!!

mat’s note to galad: “p.s. if you see any trollocs with quarterstaffs, i suggest you let golever fight them instead, as i know you have trouble with those types.” DJFKJG get his ass!!

forsaken!nynaeve in the vision of the future the dark one shows to rand.........hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me 😳

egwene thinks “i have not finished with you” about tuon. literally why take the time to set this up as the big faceoff of the fourth age only to kill egwene off??? make it make sense!

siuan to egwene: “when moiraine and i set out to find the boy, i had no idea the pattern would send you to us as well.” egwene and rand co-protagonists!!! egwene is ta’veren!!!

“it is...comforting to know i’ve had a hand in shaping what is to come. and if a woman were to wish for a legacy, she could not dream of greater than one such as you.” 😭😭😭 why the fuck is egwene getting killed off!!!!! it’s not even about personal character preferences or not wanting my favs to die, it is, objectively speaking, narratively unsatisfying to set up so much stuff about how egwene is going to shape the fourth age and then kill her before she gets the chance to!

gawyn is going to fight demandred!!!!! this is definitely how he’s gonna get killed, but by god what a sexy move!!!

“once, perhaps, he would have done this for the pride of the battle and the chance to pit himself against demandred. that was not his heart now. his heart was the need. someone had to fight this creature, someone had to kill him or they would lose this battle.” okay so literally WHY does everybody fuss about gawyn doing stupid shit out of a selfish desire to be the hero???? the narrative OUTRIGHT SAYS that he is doing this NOT for personal glory, but for the world’s need, and you all just go “i can’t read suddenly i don’t know”!!!! i’ve had enough!!! i waited FOURTEEN BOOKS to find out gawyn’s great crime, and it turns out there was no crime, you guys just can’t read!! yes, silviana later blames him for being selfish etc but she hates him and has a biased pov on him that can’t be trusted, any more than we can trust mat’s pov on elayne.

me @ the entire wheel of time fandom except for the 2 other people of culture who like gawyn:

gawyn describes demandred as “handsome and imperious” without adding To Women, I’m Sure. they should also forget about rand and run off into the sunset with each other.

i don’t want to lose my boy but by god am i excited to see this Foil Faceoff!! what a delicious thing to do, sending the character who let go of his obsession with personal vengeance against TDR for the sake of the greater good to fight the character who turned to the shadow because he cannot let go of his obsession with personal vengeance against TDR. delicious!!

demandred keeps calling gawyn “little man” “little swordsman” and refers to elayne as “the little queen” Daddy Demandred 😳

“is that not what your dragon claims he can do?” “why do you keep calling him my dragon?” JKJFGKJHKJH one last rand/gawyn crumb for the road! demandred is so jealous

demandred thinks that the general leading the battle is too good to be anyone but rand, so he thinks that mat is either a) rand disguised with an illusion or b) receiving messages from rand through the one power. cauthor rights?

demandred: i face a true master on the battlefield mat: what up i’m mat i’m 21 and i never fucking learned how to read

i love this whole duel!! all the different swordforms, it’s like they’re dancing, it’s so good!! and can we talk about the fact that gawyn, a non-channeler, is holding his own in a swordfight with a fucking forsaken????? yes he has the advantage of the rings but still, KING SHIT!!!! @tonysstressball you’ve been laughing all this time because i was saying demandred was sexy and you knew he was gonna kill gawyn, haven’t you dkfjg well it’s okay because if gawyn had to die (which i’ve known since i started the series that he did), then getting killed by the sexiest forsaken after putting up an insanely impressive fight and having a delicious Foil Faceoff is just the way i would want him to go!

however! i am still heartbroken!!!

“he wobbled and fell to his knees, looking down at a hole in his gut. demandred had thrust straight through the mail, then pulled his sword free in a single fluid motion. why can’t...why can’t i feel anything?” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“if you do survive this and see lews therin, tell him i am very much looking forward to a match between the two of us, sword against sword.” oh i’ll bet you are, demandred. sword against sword, huh?

“his heart cried out; he needed to return to egwene.” 😭😭😭😭😭

rhuarc falls under graendal’s compulsion, oh no!!!

i’m just saying, rand’s vision of the future includes seanchan living happily whereas in the dark one’s vision the whole seanchan continent had become uninhabitable 🤷 #thedarkonewasright

egwene senses that gawyn is dying 😭😭😭😭

we have a weird pov swap mid-section that made it past editing lmao it’s all silviana pov and then there’s a random paragraph of egwene pov in the middle of the scene. i remember there was something like that in TOM as well.

birgitte goes on a spiel to elayne about how all her memories are gone now. that sucks, but it’s really not the time for this birgitte lmao we’re in the middle of the last battle here

galad to elayne: “i assume that it would be completely futile to inform you how inappropriate it is for a woman in your condition to be on the battlefield.” galad your mom would whoop your ass for saying that. she would whoop your ass while in labor, in fact! oh man the show better make it to the last season so i can make a parallels gifset of tigraine and elayne battling while pregnant! the mother of rand and the mother of rand’s children! oh i am passing away

“if we lose this war, galad, my children will be born into captivity to the dark one, if they are born at all. i think fighting is worth the risk.” an excellent point that Certain Readers who whine about elayne taking risks while pregnant do not seem to understand. “‘so long as you refrain from holding the sword personally.’ ...the words implied that he was giving her permission - permission - to lead her troops.” galad is the worst!! constantly undermining elayne’s authority and talking down to her! elayne is 10000% right to treat him the way she does and i’ll die on that hill. and most of her behavior towards galad that Certain Readers claim is SOOoOOoOOOOoooOO immature really just reads like standard exasperation with an overprotective older brother. she’s never once done or thought anything truly malicious to or about him (unlike HIM joining an organization dedicated to persecuting women like HER............)

“you’re not asking me to guess the mind of matrim cauthon, are you? i’m convinced that mat only acts simple so that people will let him get away with more.” elayne knows her husband!!!!

elayne trying to read mat’s letter to galad: “elayne waited patiently - patiently - to a count of three, then moved her horse up beside galad’s mount and craned her neck to read. honestly, one would think he’d take concern for the comfort of a pregnant woman.” JKJFG i love her your honor!! this line really has a ring of jordan!nynaeve to it, i love it. the other day i was reading a compilation post of some funny early-series nynaeve pov lines like this and realizing how much i really missed that after ACOS. from WH on nynaeve was so sidelined and got so little pov, and even then that pov lacked a lot of the bite and humor it used to have, i feel like. there’s a difference between making her more mature due to character development and sapping away the uniqueness and energy that made her her.

“the handwriting was much neater and the spelling much better in this one than the one he’d sent her weeks ago. apparently, the pressure of battle made matrim cauthon into a better clerk.” not sanderson roasting his own TOM mat letter jkdjfjg this is hilarious

mat is sending galad close to demandred and gave him one of elayne’s medallion copies to protect him from channeling. if FREAKING GALAD ends up killing demandred where gawyn failed, i am going to be SO MAD!!!!! (update: freaking galad does not end up killing demandred, thankfully)

galad is okay with killing women because women are just as capable of being evil as men #feministking and elayne’s like “wow that’s the only thing you’ve ever said that didn’t make me want to strangle you” jkdjfjg the bar for that is on the floor

“demandred knew how to gamble. mat could sense it through the movements of troops. mat was playing against one of the best who had ever lived” they’re falling in love while waging a war i swear “and the stake this time was not wealth. they diced for the lives of men, and the final prize was the world itself. blood and bloody ashes, but that excited him. he did feel guilty about that, but it was exciting.” oh, and gawyn’s the one who’s hungry for personal glory at the expense of other people’s lives? 😤 no but that feels SO ooc for mat. i will chalk it up to all the battle commanders in his head taking the wheel so strongly during this whole thing.

mat thinking logain is insane for being jealous of rand being TDR, truly demandred’s (other) foil!

“what he would give to be done with all of these high heads. mat might be one of them now, but that could be fixed.” by divorcing tuon. “all he had to do was convince tuon to forsake her throne and run off with him.” he does NOT know her at all, does he? another one for the “he loves her but he doesn’t like/know/understand her” file. “compared to the challenge he now faced, tuon seemed to be an easy knot to untie.” yes, all you have to do is draw up divorce papers. i give this marriage 6 months post last battle, tops. very interesting how he says TUON is the knot to be untied, not tuon’s throne or tuon’s noble status or something like that.

min throws herself at tuon to protect her when gray men attack. LITERALLY WHY????? she basically kidnapped you! not to mention you were literally enslaved by her people back in TGH, though that’s had so little an effect on you that i forgot it even happened. and it’s not like tuon’s survival is important for the last battle, she has not contributed SHIT so far and definitely isn’t going to!

mat is fighting fiercely to protect tuon, and then min sees a gray man about to kill her and throws her dagger, killing the gray man. “min breathed out. never in her life had she been so happy to see a knife fly true.” LITERALLY WHY?????? JUST LET HER DIE why the fuck has min gone from being so upset about being kidnapped and made tuon’s truthspeaker to feeling genuine relief upon tuon not being killed? there was NO character or relationship development to bring about such a drastic change in the span of a few scenes! also i guess min is more relieved about saving tuon’s life than the handful of times she managed to get a knife in someone who was attacking rand lmao! i can’t believe min has contributed one (1) thing in the last battle and it is saving tuon’s life. goddammit!!!!!!!!!! classic min.

siuan is dead! rip! i did get spoiled on that, but quite quite recently, only within the last few months i think. i’m not that attached to her tbh, i like her but her death was an “aww bummer” rather than a real emotional reaction (tho i might’ve felt more strongly if i hadn’t known it was coming, of course). i would’ve been more emotional if we saw egwene reacting to her death, but i doubt we will get the chance to since egwene is also not long for this world.

mat is being so protective of tuon and frantic that she’s injured, i’m sick of this lmao why didn’t they just let her fucking die!!!! god!!!!!! siuan died so fucking tuon could live!!!

egwene feels gawyn’s life fading fast. “i’m coming, gawyn, she thought, growing frantic. i’m coming.” 😭😭😭😭😭

i know i know, i’m being excommunicated from the fandom for being more upset about gawyn’s death than siuan’s djkfjg to be fair, siuan’s death happened so fast and with such little fanfare that it was hard to feel that strongly about it, plus the only person who reacted to it was min going “oh no! anyway.” i’m sure it’ll hit WAY harder in the show (if they do kill her off there)

this demandred pov has me in HYSTERICS jkdjfg just you wait and see all the gay shit he says here

“he had thought himself long past caring for a woman again - how could affection thrive beside the burning passion that was his hatred for lews therin?” I’M. okay. this line speaks for itself.

he admits that lews therin was better than him at everything but warfare, including “capturing the hearts of men” YJHFGJ demandred is jealous that lews therin got more dick than him. bicon LTT rights!

demandred continues to fall in love with mat via the dance of battle tactics

“[the female love interest sanderson hastily introduced for demandred because he realized he made demandred too gay] took his hand, and something stirred within him. it was quickly smothered by his hatred.” repressed gay demandred rights

“‘i would cast it all away,’ he said, looking into her eyes. ‘everything for a chance at lews therin.’” things to say to your girlfriend during sex. literally the “i bet he’s thinking about other women” meme.

“her voice seemed to imply that perhaps, once lews therin was dead, demandred would be able to become his own man again.” sorry girl you’re barking up the wrong tree, this man is gay and already in a relationship. “he was not certain. rule only interested him insofar as he could use it against his ancient enemy.” he’ll be so sad when lews therin dies

“but within him, there was something that wished it was not so. that was new. yes, it was.” I Could Fix Him.................

demandred flexing on taim 🥵🥵🥵

“i care only for lews therin” we know, demandred

brief juilin pov! hello king!

“what did you do when the one power failed, the thing you relied upon to raise you above common folk?” galad is literally the worst person mat could’ve chosen to give an anti-channeling medallion to. except for tuon whom mat also plans to give one to. mat stop giving anti-channeling medallions THAT ELAYNE MADE FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS to people who want to oppress channelers challenge

gawyn reaches galad for his dying breaths 😭😭😭😭

"i failed. i should have...i should have stayed with her. i killed hammar. did you know that? i killed him. light. i should have picked a side...” “this will hurt her. and at the end of it, i failed. to kill him.” all his dying words are about beating himself up for failures 😭😭😭 he deserves better!!!! i’m especially mad that killing hammar keeps getting brought up (within the fandom as well) as a crime of gawyn’s when an earlier book outright stated that hammar attacked gawyn first and gawyn was only defending himself.

“i tried to kill him, but i wasn’t good enough. i’ve never...been quite good...enough...” NOOOOOOOOOO BABY BOY YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH TO ME!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

“[galad] had loved his brother, loved him deeply - and gawyn, unlike elayne, had returned the sentiment.” TAKE A FUCKING HIKE GALAD stop hogging gawyn’s death scene with your stupid self-pity about how ~mean~ elayne is to you!!! i hate him!!! he should be the one dying, not gawyn!!! it’s not faaaaaaaaair!!!! and galad is “surprised” to find himself crying lmfao why are you so much of a robot that you’re surprised that you’re crying as your brother bleeds out in your arms?

gawyn tells galad that rand is his brother! and his very final words are: “don’t hate him, galad. i always hated him, but i stopped. i...stopped...” one last rand/gawyn crumb for the road 😭 i can’t believe gawyn’s last words ever are saying that he doesn’t hate rand anymore and telling someone else not to hate him. growth!!!

AND NOW GAWYN IS DEAD, RIP TO A KING, MY BLORBO, WHO DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HIS LIFE!!!

and now galad is definitely gearing up to kill demandred UGH it’s so unfair!!! even with the medallion, galad should NOT be more capable of killing demandred than gawyn was with his rings + warder abilities! he was killed by being defeated in swordfighting, not by demandred channeling on him! and galad is about equal to gawyn in swordfighting abilities, but does not have the rings and warder abilities to give him an edge! it should’ve been galad who went against demandred first and failed and then gawyn who went in with more abilities and killed him! (update: galad does not kill demandred, but he does do better in the fight and ultimately survive, so i stand by this bullet point)

also, i wish gawyn’s death scene had been with elayne instead of galad, their relationship had way more importance throughout the series! gawyn and galad barely (if ever) thought about each other after the tower coup, but elayne was right alongside egwene as gawyn’s raison d’etre for so long and they had their wonderful scene in the last book, she should’ve been the one to hold him as he died! SHE would’ve reassured him that he had been good enough! and then elayne could’ve gone apeshit and killed demandred!

speaking of going apeshit, now we see egwene’s reaction 😭😭😭

“something severed within her. it was as if a knife suddenly tore into her and scooped out the piece of gawyn inside, leaving only emptiness. she screamed, falling to her knees. no. no, it couldn’t be. she could feel him, just ahead! she’d been running for him. she could...she could...he was gone. egwene howled, opening herself to the one power and drawing in as much as she could hold. she let it out as a wall of flames toward the sharans who were all around now...she would destroy them! light! it hurt. it hurt so badly.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

but also:

that’s what it’s all about!!! that’s the good shit!!! she is serving rand after rahvin killed mat and aviendha vibes!!! queen eldrene at the fall of manetheren vibes!!! delicious!!!

tuon and mat have a fake fight to throw off the spy and i wish with all my heart that it was a real fight

“‘peaches!’ rand said, aghast. everyone knew those were poisonous.” why is this so funny jdkfjgh somehow this feels like the spiritual successor to eotw rand spitting out his milk in surprise when he sees the fade. he’s just a baby your honor.

the dark one’s new vision of a future where he wins: “men who think they are oppressed will someday fight. i will remove from them not just their will to resist, but the very suspicion that something is wrong.” soooooo literally exactly what the seanchan empire is like already???

bryne has died. could not care less!

demandred is hunting elayne to get rand’s attention. because he’s decided that elayne is the girlfriend who’s most important to rand 😌

“demandred, you call for the dragon reborn! you demand to fight him! he is not here, but his brother is!” okay that’s a baller line from galad, i will admit

“i grow displeased. lews therin can hate me or rail against me, but he should not ignore me.” demandred are you sure you meant to include the word “against” in that sentence?

so it seems that nynaeve’s one (1) contribution in the last battle is going to be healing alanna, and moiraine’s i guess is going to be nothing. super fun and satisfying!

mat: [yells at bashere] bashere: joke’s on you i’m into that

that’s true of every interaction anyone has with any saldaean, really. bless them. i hope the show can manage to incorporate this element of their culture without making it feel like a breeding ground for abusive relationships lmao because it IS hilarious.

“he also felt a pull from the north, a tugging, as if some threads around his chest were yanking on him. not now, rand, he thought. i’m bloody busy.” exasperated boyfriend. also, note that the tugging now feels like threads yanking on mat’s chest rather than his gut. because it’s not the ta’veren pull, it’s just his heart wanting to go to rand!

mat and teslyn reunion!!! ❤️❤️

“if rand were dead, we’d know it. he’ll have to watch out for himself, without matrim cauthon saving him this time.” exasperated boyfriend part 2. we were robbed of warder!mat part 7,000.

silviana talks shit about gawyn 🔪🔪 but egwene is not gonna stand for that any more than i am! “that fool boy saved my life from seanchan assassins. i would not be here to mourn if he had not done so. i would suggest that you remember that, silviana, when you speak of the dead.” 👏👏👏

silviana also shares her view that warders are a weakness (since the pain of losing them has such a strong effect on the aes sedai), which is the first time we’ve heard ANY reasonable explanation for reds not having warders besides just that they hate men lmao

“egwene al’vere can grieve. egwene al’vere lost a man she loved, and she felt him die through a bond. the amyrlin has sympathy for egwene al’vere, as she would have sympathy for any aes sedai dealing with such loss. and then, in the face of the last battle, the amyrlin would expect that woman to pick herself up and return to the fight.” sobbing and cheering, cheering and sobbing. i disagree vehemently that the romance with gawyn took away from egwene’s character, i always loved seeing her Heart Vs. Duty conflict and struggling to reconcile egwene al’vere and the amyrlin seat (rand parallels, anyone?) and i think it added to her character by making her more complex and giving her conflicting desires and motivations. we see a little of this through her friendships with elayne and especially nynaeve too, but not as strongly.

“she drew a deep breath, pulling in more of the one power. she allowed herself anger. fury at the shadowspawn who threatened the world, anger at them for taking gawyn from her.” mood 😭

and egwene bonds egeanin! so egeanin is indeed the seanchan woman who will help her or whatever the dream was

“egwene strode back onto the killing fields, bringing the fury of the amyrlin with her.” YEAAAHHH SHE’S GONNA FUCK SHIT UP!!!! GO ON THAT APESHIT POWER BLAST!!!!

galad is doing better against demandred in a swordfight than gawyn did, which i am calling absolute bullshit on because even if galad WAS a better swordfighter than gawyn (which he isn’t) gawyn’s rings and warder abilities would’ve given him a huge advantage that galad doesn’t have! demandred isn’t even trying to channel on him that much either, he does a couple times but it’s mostly swordfighting. and this is only a copy medallion, shouldn’t it not work against more powerful weaves?

you know what should’ve happened is that mat should’ve ultimately been the one to defeat demandred because a) he has the one true medallion, which offers stronger protection than the copies, b) they are foils, c) the two of them have been leading the entire battle against each other the whole time, so it would’ve been narratively satisfying to see them come face-to-face. and d) mat is good at hand-to-hand combat too with his ashandarei, maybe even better than galad and gawyn since he defeated them in TDR (tho i forget if maybe they were both using quarterstaffs in that fight, not their preferred weapon, rather than swords)

tho actually demandred DID defeat galad, so that’s okay. but galad is still alive.

“i saw androl. i followed him for a while.” “i don’t care about that one!” mood!!

“a stone slab, where a body had been burned long ago, rested here alone. overgrown with life: vines, grass, flowers...rand’s grave. the place where his body had been burned following the last battle.” 😭😭

RAND CREATES A VISION OF THE FUTURE WHERE HE KILLED THE DARK ONE AND REALIZES IT’S BAD BECAUSE HE TOOK CHOICE AWAY FROM ELAYNE AND AVIENDHA!!!!! JUST LIKE HIS VISION WITH EGWENE IN THE SHOW!!!!!

you all knew all along that that 1x08 vision was a deliberate homage to this scene, of course jkjfg but i’m experiencing them in reverse order and am very leonardo dicaprio pointing at tv.jpg right now!!!!

first of all, we get unexpected randlayne (via a vision dreamworld but still)!!!! i was not ready!!!

“elayne was as beautiful as she’d been when they’d last parted” ❤️❤️❤️

“rand approached her, glancing at the garden wall that he had once fallen over, tumbling down to meet her for the first time. these gardens were far different, but that wall remained. it had weathered the scouring of caemlyn and the coming of a new age.” HOLD ON A SECOND MAN HOLD ON A SECOND 😭😭😭😭 The Wall™ exists in rand’s dream version of the future! and elayne and aviendha have a close relationship even 100 years after the last battle in his dream version of the future!

elayne really does feel like The Main Love Interest in this scene and dare i say in the entirety of AMOL. like, rand going back to the very spot where they first met during a key moment in his confrontation with the dark one, that’s huge!!

“elayne looked at him from her bench. her eyes widened immediately, and her hand went to her mouth. ‘rand?’...elayne smiled. ‘is this a prank? daughter, where are you? have you used the mask of mirrors to trick me again?’” 😭😭❤️❤️

“that wasn’t elayne...was it? the tone seemed off, the mannerisms wrong.” “that simpering tone, that vapid reaction...elayne had never been like that.” “but it was wrong too. he thought aviendha would be a wonderful mother, but to imagine her seeking to spend all day playing with other people’s children...” “she was not herself...because rand had taken from her the ability to be herself.” WHAT ABOUT WHAT SHE WANTS!!!!!! THAT’S NOT THE WOMAN I LOVE!!!!!! SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP!!!!!!!!!!

also, i am absolutely losing my mind that min plays no part WHATSOEVER in this vision! it’s because it’s 100 years in the future and as a non-channeler she wouldn’t still be alive like elayne and aviendha are, but still, sanderson/rand COULD’VE chosen to set this vision only 50 years in the future and include min, but no! elayne and aviendha are the main love interests! they’re the ones who matter most to rand! seeing/hearing about them being so different from themselves (avi is not actually present, elayne just talks about her) is what makes him realize he can’t kill the dark one! i feel god in this chili’s tonight! once again cementing the “min was just a fling at a time when rand needed Literally Anyone to keep him company but elayne and avi are endgame” vibes!

on that note, i’m retroactively laughing at rand always brushing off the idea of marrying min when nynaeve hassled him about it lmao he claims it was because it would hurt her or endanger her, but really he just Wasn’t That Into Her.

i do love the faile and the horn sidequest. she’s such a damn hero!!!

“egwene al’vere strode past them up the slope, glowing with the power of a hundred bonfires.” YEAAAAHHHH egwene’s apeshit power blasts are something that can be so personal

somebody better kill logain in this battle because he is giving off ominous vibes for the fourth age (“the world would know of him and the black tower, and they would tremble before him as they never had for the amyrlin seat.”)

“[during the seanchan attack on the tower] her rage had been fringed by desperation and terror. this time, it was a white-hot thing, like a metal heated beyond the point of being worked by a smith. she, egwene al’vere, had been given stewardship of this land. she, the amyrlin seat, would not be bullied by the shadow any longer. she would not retreat. she would not bow as her resources failed. she would fight.” YEEEAAAAHHHH

interesting pov from ila rethinking the way of the leaf! and thinking about aram 😭

WHY THE FUCK DID NOBODY WARN ME THAT BELA DIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THE ONE CHARACTER DEATH IN THE WHOLE SERIES I WASN’T SPOILED ABOUT AND ALSO THE ONE I WOULD’VE NEEDED THE MOST ADVANCE WARNING FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i’m dead inside. moving on.

“lord rand had come to him, making apologies. to him! well, hurin would do him proud. the dragon reborn did not need the forgiveness of a little thief-taker, but hurin still felt as if the world had righted itself. lord rand was lord rand again.” 😭😭😭

“the names of those who had died for him, starting with only women, but now expanded to each and every person he should have been able to save - but hadn’t.” THANK you sanderson lmao! the show will for sure take this approach right off the bat.

and now rand witnesses a bunch of deaths, including bashere, his wife, hurin, and enaila 😭😭😭 those are also deaths i hadn’t been spoiled on. but not as traumatic as bela’s death!

“he wept for gawyn.” i keep saying one last rand/gawyn crumb for the road and then there’s one more!

birgitte dies, i was spoiled on this one as well lmao but also very recently and in the context of, you guessed it, reading a reddit comment where someone was shitting on elayne and claiming that she got birgitte killed (which is absolutely not true in the slightest, and i’m pretty sure birgitte’s death is a good thing anyway because it might mean she gets returned to TAR in time for her next rebirth and gets all her memories back)

this scene of min rooting out the spy is pretty cool of her, i will admit! the only cool/significant thing she’s done since book 4. why tf hasn’t she been doing stuff like this with her viewings all along? it’s a perfect example of a non-channeler non-warrior character exhibiting a different skillset and type of strength to contribute something meaningful.

also she owns tuon publicly, which is something i always love to see: “as truthspeaker to the empress fortuona, i speak now the truth. she has abandoned the armies of humankind, and she withholds her strength in a time of need. her pride will cause the destruction of all people, everywhere.”

and we get to egwene’s final scene. despite the abundance of crying emojis in this post, this is the only part of the book (so far) where i actually cried

she invents a weave to reverse balefire’s damage to the pattern, holy shit her power!!!!!! “the opposite of balefire. a fire of her own, a weave of light and rebuilding. the flame of tar valon.” 😭😭😭

“in that moment, egwene felt a peace come upon her. the pain of gawyn’s death faded. he would be reborn. the pattern would continue.” 😭😭😭 “she reached more deeply into saidar, that glowing comfort that had guided her so long.” 😭😭😭

“her body was spent. she offered it up and became a column of light, releasing the flame of tar valon into the ground beneath her and high into the sky. the power left her in a quiet, beautiful explosion, washing across the sharans and sealing the cracks created by her fight with m’hael. egwene’s soul separated from her collapsing body and rested upon that wave, riding it into the light.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i got choked up again just typing that up! rip to a legend, an icon, the biggest damn hero of the whole series!!!!!

thoughts on egwene’s death: while i hate that she died seeing as the fourth age needs her so badly to stand against the seanchan and continue reforming the white tower, if she HAD to die, then i’m very satisfied with the way she went out. it was such a powerful scene!! and she didn’t die uselessly (like gawyn..........), she died to heal the pattern itself AND to destroy taim and ALL the sharan channelers. though i do wish she’d gotten demandred too, his killer absolutely should have been either egwene (to avenge gawyn) or mat (since they’re narrative foils).

also, i’ve seen people blame gawyn for egwene’s death, so i presume that’s part of the reason why he’s hated, but if i hadn’t seen people saying that, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that he could be considered at fault. obviously his death pushed egwene over the edge, but once she returns to the fight, it’s only one of many reasons for her anger - the bulk of it is anger at the shadow for destroying the world, not just gawyn-specific feral rage, and i do think she would’ve gotten to this point after fighting a hopeless battle for so long and seeing so many people die even if gawyn hadn’t died (after all, it’s what rand and many other characters are also feeling right now even without having warders die). not to mention that her actual death is a moment of peace, heroism, and healing, not gawyn-specific feral rage. my client is innocent, your honor!

moving on

“egwene died. rand screamed in denial, in rage, in sorrow. ‘not her! NOT HER!’” “rand bent over, squeezing his eyes shut. i will protect you, he thought. whatever else happens, i will see you safe, i swear it. i swear it...” that felt like a callback quote, so i looked it up and it’s what rand thinks about her at the eye of the world in book 1 😭😭😭 god this is going to hit even harder in the show with the deepening of their initial relationship!

galad tells berelain to bring the medallion back to mat, so now i’m second-guessing that it’s a copy, could it be mat’s original??? in which case i would take back my complaint that it shouldn’t have protected against all demandred’s weaves. but i have a hard time believing mat would give his own original medallion away during the last battle, so i’m skeptical. i could go back and reread the passage where he gives it to galad but i don’t feel like it. anyway, at least galad no longer has an anti-channeling medallion, that’s good.

“blood and bloody ashes, mat thought. egwene. not egwene too? it hit him like a punch to the face.” “he didn’t know if he could win...not without egwene, her two rivers stubbornness, her iron backbone.” 😭😭😭

really it’s rand, egwene, and mat who are the main characters in this portion. perrin just be napping.

“he pulled out rand’s banner, the one of the ancient aes sedai. he’d gathered it earlier, thinking perhaps it might have some use. ‘somebody hoist this thing up. we’re fighting in rand’s bloody name. let’s show the shadow we’re proud of it.’” 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️ LOVE!!!! ROMANCE!!!! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! HUSBAND BEHAVIOR!!!!

mat hears the (false) news that elayne is dead. “bloody ashes! not elayne! mat felt a lurch inside. rand...i’m sorry.” HE HAD PROMISED TO KEEP HER SAFE FOR RAND HE HAD PROMISED!!!!! we have now gotten to see mat react to elayne’s death without her having to actually die TWICE, we are so lucky!! and both times rand is intrinsically linked to his own feelings!! matrandlayne rights!!! one last matrandlayne crumb for the road!! you guys he felt a LURCH inside!!!

and of the 4 specific people rand lists seeing the struggles of now, 2 are elayne and mat, matrandlayne rights!! (the other 2 are rhuarc and lan) “he saw elayne, captive and alone, a dreadlord preparing to rip their children from her womb...he saw mat, desperate, facing down horrible odds...rand had failed.”

and the killer of demandred is [drumroll] lan! i did not see that coming at all. hmm. it’s fine. in-universe he’s a good bet, as he has the trakands’ blademaster skills + gawyn’s warder abilities advantage + galad’s medallion advantage + another advantage in his true mastery of the void (he IS the sword rather than wielding the sword, which demandred said gawyn did not do). narratively, though, it feels like a random choice and i still think it should’ve been egwene or mat. maybe the show could do taimandred and have egwene kill him with her power blast, although then fanboys would be mad that lan didn’t get his Epic Moment lmao (but lan has a lot of epic moments of charging alone into battles that seem hopeless, so does he really NEED this one?)

also, if you’re going to shit on gawyn for risking his last-battle-crucial aes sedai by impulsively charging off to singlehandedly duel a forsaken, then you HAVE to hold lan to the same standard! they did the exact same thing! it’s not gawyn’s fault that the author(s) decided he had to fail and die and lan had to succeed and live! (i assume lan lives, it’s dicey now but i’m 90% sure i remember reading that he survives the series.) this is the equivalent of people shitting on elayne for cooking up harebrained schemes while praising mat for doing the same thing, just because some of elayne’s schemes fail and mat’s succeed.

and we have FINALLY finished the 200-page chapter, christ on a cracker. i cannot believe that perrin, nynaeve, and moiraine, ostensibly 3 of our most important characters, have been spending the whole last battle doing basically nothing lmao! i like the idea of nynaeve saving the day by using her old wisdom herb skills, but there’s gotta be a way to do that in a way that feels more significant (having her save a major character, for example, like maybe elayne/avi/min was the bondholder whom the shadow injured and nynaeve has to save them). meanwhile perrin is deadass asleep the whole time (sanderson should’ve structured it so that perrin’s TAR stuff was happening DURING this bulk of the last battle rather than beforehand) and moiraine’s just chilling out being a saidar battery and doesn’t even get any pov in these whole 200 pages, i don’t believe, even though we heard from tons and tons of minor characters (although she absolutely might have and i just don’t remember.)

100 pages left! let’s see if perrin does anything in them lmao

#wot #wot book spoilers

[motherstone]

WAVERIDER THOUGHTS

This will be long, and nasty. I may be yapping nonsense myself, and ngl this was all written in a fit of emotion, so it may be biased as all fuck. SPOILERS EVERYWHERE. Read further at your own choice.

Kazu, the neglectful, crappy father of his characters

Yeah, no, it’s been a long-time issue of his. Every new book has a new character. Not much of a problem if you're establishing the world - it’s a big one if you’re ending a story. See, the point of a finale isn’t to get us invested in new characters, it’s about giving a satisfying conclusion to your old. And not necessarily purely conclusive either! Some characters still have some journey to walk, but what matters is that you could read what happened to them, be at peace with how they went.

Kazu wrote the finale as if he’s writing 16 more books.

Let’s see the line-up shall we?

Trellis - has been hyped up being the true king, has been trying to get people stop believing in the false king, would not shut the fuck up about the well-being of the elves for several books.

Ending: Changed his mind last minute and gave up the throne.

Vigo - a flawed mentor. Kinda useless. Tries to be a guiding force and emotional support.

Ending: Dies in the most pointless and jarring way possible.

Aly - has exhibited great leadership qualities, is a good friend to Navin.

Ending: she wasn’t even there.

Etc etc. and that’s THREE of them so far, and it’s disastrous. Their conclusions were poor and nonsensical, the narrative portrays them as foolish and ignorant, and basically just treated their entire journey of 8 books as worthless and with little to no growth. Which is just yonkers. The main players don’t play in the final part, and the supporting casts are pretty much not supporting.

Then there’s the NEW cast.

No, sorry, I can’t stand them. They’re not appealing to me, we barely know anything about them except they’re apparently competent and we’re supposed to accept that they’re gonna be the better, newer generation of the Guardian Council? Because the story says so?

Why put new characters to play a part where your established characters can fill in perfectly? At least those established characters already have something ESTABLISHED, thus the payoff is more impactful ,especially if you fit them properly into the role. I never even gave a crap about Cielis and there needing to be a new Guardian Council, I always got the impression in book 4 that it was supposed to be the waning era of stonekeepers, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE MOTHERSTONE WAS STOLEN, THERE’S LITTLE OF IT LEFT, THERE ISN’T A NEW MOTHERSTONE IN CANON, APPARENTLY ENDED UP FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE ELSE DESPITE BEING A POWERFUL ARTIFACT, AND STONEKEEPERS ARE TOO DANGEROUS FOR THE WORLD OF ALLEDIA. IN GENERAL.

All in all, the book feels like it’s trying to shove and rub these new guys all over my face, trying to get me to love them.

Gabilan, or just make Gulfen a democracy at this point

I'm gonna be for real though, I don't think Gabilan is the best guy for the job. Just because he was "kinda" right about stonekeepers doesn't mean he's a leader, and I don't think someone who kills people for a living, profits off of war, violates people's minds and steals their memories and ruin their lives, and arrogantly believes he has the judgment and say on who gets to keep which memories would be anyone's first choice to rule the country at its most desperate either. He’s sharp, yes, but moral? He has the moral backbone of a fucking chocolate eclair. A guy like that would not treat the people under him with the right to choose, when so many of his actions involve violating other people. If that’s THEIR next best choice after Trellis, Gulfen is fucked.

It's also kinda frustrating. Gabilan gets ONE reference to how he intends to be King, while Trellis gets references that he's the true king for several books, people desiring he make a better people out of the elves, had enemies trying to kill him to prevent him from taking the throne like the VOICE himself, only for the narrative to never even follow through it? 

The story can't seem to make up its mind either. "Stonekeepers in power are bad because they keep seeking to control others and are bad at maintaining control, so you shouldn't be King. That's why you should get an even higher, greater authority so now you're the leader of the Guardian Council!" 😩 make it make sense? 

Ronin, or how to make supervillains

Kazu has a bad understanding of how people work by how he wrote Ronin. Iffy enough that Ronin is retconned to be alive, her method on raising these stonekeepers is to be heavily scrutinized. I’ll be controversial here, but Ronin sucks as a person.

That’s NOT how you treat people, especially when they’re asking for help, even if they wronged you. That’s prioritizing your pride over what’s needed to be done.

Keeping kids in an isolated area, even with their consent, scaring off locals from their livelihood so you could have THEIR resources instead, and then scaring them into not bothering are all shitty things to do. If I didn’t have context, I’d genuinely think she’s trying to make a cult.

She didn’t create a better generation of youth, she created an ECHO CHAMBER. Their interaction with other people who isn’t them are limited and only under her monitoring, they don’t get to have the support and interaction of a wider community, they have fights, she induces them to lose control on purpose (even for training, that’s basically like having someone HAVE breakdowns so they’d “handle breakdowns better”), the young stonekeepers only interact with HER beliefs and HER teachings.

She’s arrogant as all fuck. 

The worst part is that the narrative doesn’t treat this as bad, just flawed, which is anything but 💀

To use @/gofancyninjaworld analysis, which is semi-realistic ngl, what Ronin did was plant seeds for these kids to be supervillains.

A sense of isolation

It’s bad enough that having overwhelming power alienates stonekeepers from most people, Ronin’s method of training has them explicitly stay in an area where the range of people they could interact with are greatly limited to Ronin and their fellow students. Sure, they interact with some civilians, but in an unbalanced way, purely in a savior and rescuee way, nothing else. This gives them sparse experience in the give-and-take interactions in a society, because for all they know, water only flows downwards.

A sense of superiority. It's not good to be considered 'gifted' and to be set aside from others. 

A sense of entitlement to rule.

Which Ronin further reinforced by planting into their heads that they’re the new Guardian   Council eventually, despite having little experience in leading. What happened to “rejecting a seat on the Council because she felt the responsibility at her age was too great”? And that was when she was an older teen. These guys are younger than she was offered.

Access to the means to do so.

The quarry, their stones, and their inevitable ascension to be the new Council.

So basically all she did was groom overly powerful kids with induced breakdowns, with heads too big for their bodies, with very little connection to the wider world to ground them in their thinking and humanity, basically four bombs that could and would inevitably go off. Cool. Any one of 'em could wind up becoming a totalitarian menace. Y'know how spoiled entitled billionaire bastards exists? It's almost virtually the same process.

Interacting with regular people AS regular people, not just as savior or leader is important. It grounds you. It teaches you there’s a variety of people, who won’t always be the perfect victim, who are not necessarily evil but are bad, who are not intentionally malicious but just incompetent, among other things. Application is the real teacher here - the more exposed you are to other people, the better you’d be able to handle them.

Emily, the monster, the savior, the next Buddha

Can’t make up its mind whether to condemn Emily or if she’s the next best thing since sliced fucking bread. Apparently, self-confidence is her issue, not her arrogance or survivor's guilt.

Not to mention her powers came outta nowhere. It’s like she discovers enlightenment, and that was what allowed her to properly control her powers.

Defeats the entire theme of needing other people and that not every outcome is reliant on ONE person’s actions, BY DOING EVERYTHING BY HERSELF, AGAIN!

God, I wish I could say more, but I skipped some of Emily’s parts because reading it was as tedious and agonizing as threading on cold mud. I can’t help but cringe at every dialogue.

The Voice, or how to NOT make a supervillain

…. I don’t even know what to say. Poor Ikol, a victim of the most indecisive and sloppy writing of  a villain I’ve seen, I actually feel genuinely fucking bad. I don’t even know where to begin with this dude, he’s just one whole confusing set of contradicting depictions and motivations.

Riva, or how to get a restraining order in 2 fucking seconds

If I were Trellis and told me the same words Riva said, I’d bolt as far as quickly as I possibly can away from her. That’s creepy, full stop.

I think this was kazu's way to prevent fans from shipping Emily and Trellis by a.) aging up Trellis because that’s the only explanation I could think of (even though he said a few times on twitter that he's the elf equivalent of 16) and b.) to get him together with Riva.

The way Kazu went about it is too insane for me. "Hey, I had a vision of you and me having babies and you became a great leader, let's get together" 💀 that's no basis for any healthy relationship, or any relationship at all that isn't transactional 😵. What is this?

On the other hand, he doesn't respect Riva as a character at all. A character becoming a love interest and a parent isn't a bad thing in of itself, but he wrote Riva so impactfully and charismatically in book 6 - she's one of the few rare elf characters, and a girl elf character to boot, is an established leader, was the daughter of an immigrant and knows all the hardship that comes with it, not to mention hails from a city that Cielis outcasted and abandoned because of their fear and prejudice but she compassionately takes care of the people there anyway.

There's so many interesting and compelling storylines with the foundations he made Riva with, and he focuses on getting Riva to get Trellis to get together with her 😵 she gets reduced from a character with plenty of potential to a character that exists purely to uplift another. That's just depressing. Riva and Trellis deserve better.

Who? Navin. We all forgot about fucking Navin

Actually, I’m pretty sure Kazu forgot about Navin up until the last second. The fact I forgot until he came up on the page speaks for itself on how bad the writing problem was. He plays almost no parts at all. He doesn’t even GET to be a leader properly. He was there to get punched, didn’t even GET to help Emily or anybody else.

The Ending

……………………………………………………………………………………

If Older Emily could time travel with the Void, why didn’t she just eliminate Ikol herself instead of leaving it to our current Emily? Oh, and Vigo jarringly dies and sacrifices himself in the most pointless way possible.

All in all, Kazu - world’s most terrible chef

BAN HIM FROM THE KITCHEN 🔥🔥💯💯🔊🔊🗣️😩😩 HE CAN'T COOK.

Bad? I knew it was gonna be bad at the cover alone, ut no way I could've predicted it was THIS atrocious. It’s not the medium’s fault either, you can’t claim that the medium limited what Kazu had to say - Kazu created comics for a living. He has more than a decade of experience, made dozens of pages, by now, he knows YOU CAN’T WASTE A PAGE. Every panel is important. It’s not the medium's fault for being short, it’s Kazu’s for being sloppy. 

He has an editor. He has a studio, he has a team, he has several copies of his series, he has claimed he has reread them over and over. He has no excuse to be this inconsistent and directionless. So what the fuck are they doing? Do they just sit there and draw? No quality or consistency check? 

Honestly, if he says it was executive meddling, if he was just tired of Amulet and just wanted it over, if it was because of medical reasons - I could accept all those reasons. I could forgive why the series wound up as it is, they’re all reasons I could understand. A decline in quality on purpose I’d understand because that can be fixed. A better employer, a better work schedule, better accommodations.

What I will not accept, if he genuinely believes this. Is. GOOD. WRITING. BECAUSE IT’S NOT. That’s either a lie, an in-denial belief, or just plain ol’ ignorance. That’s just pure arrogance to me. You drop this slop on my feet, 300 pages of yapped nonsense and try to convince me it’s gold? Fuck no. I deserve better, we deserve better, the kids who read your books deserve better. There’s no fixing that kind of thinking.

Am I too harsh? Yes. But I need to let all of these out. Am I kinda biased and a lil incomprehensible? Yes, but I don't care. If you enjoyed it, good for you! But it’s not for me. For closure, I’m nursing whatever shit I try to fix with a rewrite. Kazu already nuked the playground - might as well take a page from his book and do whatever I want like he did.

#amulet series #kazu kibuishi #waverider spoilers #amulet spoilers

[callsign-bunnie]

Ooh can you do a characters as John Mulaney quotes post? Off the top of my head Graves might be “you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair,” but I’d love to see what you think!

Had to consult the missus for this one as she is the ex John Mulaney fan.

--

Rodolfo: My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.

Alejandro:  The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time

Soap:  It's 100% easier not to do things than to do them.

Ghost: Just the entire goddamn street smarts bit

Price:  I look like I was just sitting in a room on a chair eating saltines for, like, 28 years

Gaz:  When I'm walking down the street I don't think anybody goes, 'Hey look at that man', they're just like 'Woah, that tall child looks terrible'

Graves:  You have your law practice; and me, I have all these fucking markers (this sounds like something he would say but also yours anon)

Valeria:  Maybe I just have high self-esteem, but I have a lot that I really enjoy.

Farah:  You can do good work by simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.

Alex:  Sometimes, people would say, ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ But that just meant, ‘Stop.’

Laswell:  Now I get to say, ‘My wife,’ which is very exciting. It has a lot of power to it. It’s fun to say, ‘My wife.’

#Johnny Soap Mactavish #Simon Ghost Riley #Rodolfo Parra #Alejandro Vargas #John Price #Kyle Gaz Garrick #Phillip Graves #Shepherd COD #Valeria Garza #Farah Karim #Alex COD #Kate Laswell #Call Of Duty Modern Warfare II #Call of Duty #queue for dinner again hunny?

[aprill-99]

Julie: “you know how you lie to your parents?” + “motherfucker is this how you write songs?!?”

Luke: “My parents used to ask me what I thought I was doing but that really just meant ‘stop’ they didn’t actually wanna know my thought process.” + “That’s my wife!”

Reggie: “I need everyone all day long to like me sooooo much.” + “I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I’m under.”

Alex: “People look at me and they’re like ‘get some rest tall child!’” + “I was raised Catholic as I’m sure you can tell by my everything about me.”

Flynn: “Do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I would totally kill that guy for you. Lol see you at improv practice!” + “this might as well happen. Life is already so goddamn weird.”

Willie: *to Lifers in the HGC* “How dare you applaud the worst decision I ever made?” + “for interest I will pepper in the fact that I am gay.” + “fuck da police.”

Bobby: “I don’t drink anymore because apparently I used to black out and ‘ruin parties’.” + “you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.”

Carrie: *pulls in to a McDonald’s drive through with a van of excited children. Orders a single black coffee. Drives away.* + “None of us ever really knows our fathers. Anyway…”

Nick: “I was shiny and dumb and easy to trick.” + “Ah yes. My title of Alpha which I definitely had once.”

Ray: “I try to stay a little optimistic. Though I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky.” + “Our house was built in the 20s but got flipped in 2014 so it’s definitely haunted but has a lovely kitchen backsplash.”

Carlos: “Well here goes nothing. You ever seen a ghost????”

Tia: “Shut up you’re all gonna die! Street smarts!”

Caleb: “A child came up to me once and told me that I could do whatever I wanted forever. And I took his advice.” + “he looked like a man who should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti but instead he made his living in murder.”

#incorrect quotes #jatp incorrect quotes #julie and the phantoms #julie molina #luke patterson #julie x luke #reggie peters #alex mercer #Flynn #carrie wilson #Bobby #trevor wilson #ray molina #carlos molina #source: john mulaney #willie jatp #caleb jatp #nick jatp