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astarionxhappiness · 3 months

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This is my first piece of writing in about five or so years, so thank you Astarion for giving me that fire again.

I did my best to find all the typos, but this was written on my phone at about 1 AM while half asleep, and autocorrect is a bitch, so bear with me.

Prompt: you have a bad past of sexual abuse, but catch feelings for Astarion.

Word Count: A little over 4,000 words

Warnings: mentions of sexual abuse if you squint a bit. Fluff. Lots of fluff.

The two of you had been traveling together for some time now. And while you had gotten of to a rocky start, you felt that you had grown a rather strong bond over the past months.

Though you supposed that facing constant and never ending threats, as well as having a tadpole connecting your very minds could do that to anyone.

Having to constantly put your life into another's hands like that. . All of your trust. And in turn, they offered you the same.

It had been years since you had felt such trust for a person. Such faith and warmth. And to a vampire spawn no less.

The thought made you smile to yourself with great amusement, biting your bottom lip absently and tugging.

Perhaps it wasn't even putting your trust in a vampire spawn. . Perhaps it felt funny to find yourself putting your trust in him.

"What's so funny?"

The words knocked you from your daze, bringing your attention back to the world around you.

The sound of the crackling fire, the uncomfortable log making your ass sore the longer you remained seated on it. The night air chilling your skin through the thin fabric of your tunic.

"Tav?" Astarion's voice sounded again, ever demanding. His tone made you look over at him quickly.

"You keep doing that today. . Are you falling ill or something?" You did not offer a response to this rhetorical question, knowing it was asked out of fussiness from being ignored, rather than genuine concern.

"I'm just thinking," you replied, glancing over at him again. "Nothing is funny."

You had had a hard time looking at him all day. You knew it had to do with the dream you had had the night before, though you were still having trouble admitting it to yourself.

The very memories of it made you feel flush.

"Oh?" He quirked a brow as he gazed at you from the corner of his eye, his head tilted back in a manner that showed off his jaw nicely.

"And what is it you're thinking about so intently then, hm? It must be something quite interesting to have you so distracted." The suggestive smile and knowing glint in his eye made you flush, looking away bashfully.

"Whatever you think it is, I can assure you it isn't that," you replied with vehemence, listening to him burst into musical laughter.

"Oh, it truly is so much fun to tease you, darling" he replied, tilting his head to look at you, a smile dancing on his lips that showed off his fangs.

"So what was it, then? If not the idea of me ravishing your body?" He had been making such jokes more and more for weeks now, but the immersion did nothing to stop your face from going red once more, forcing you to look away from him so he wouldn't see.

Not that it truly mattered. You knew he could tell exactly what your reaction was. Hence the reason he loved to make comments.

"Astarion, could I ask you something?" You found the nervous words leaving your mouth before you could stop them, making your body tense.

Your head remained bowed, gazing intently at your lap.

The smile fell from his lips, a look of uncertain curiosity taking place in his features instead.

"What's on your mind, darling?" He asked, making you wring your hands together.

"Do you. . Do you actually like being with people?" The question made him pause for just a moment before a smile cracked the far more real expression that had come before it.

A breathless laugh left his lips.

"Of course," he replied, unwilling to admit to the possibility that that was in fact a lie.

He felt the question was building to something more, and he was unwilling to make himself unavailable should you want him.

His eyes squinted slightly in curiosity when you offered little more than a nod of your head, wringing your hands together.

"So. . So you enjoy. . Being touched?" You glanced over at him, tensing harder when you found his inquisitive gaze already looking back at you.

"Why are you asking me these things my sweet?" He asked. "Is it perhaps. . Because you really would like for me to touch you?" He brought his hand out to very lightly cover your wrist, making your breath catch.

Silence grew thickly between the two if you as your response to the question remained stuck firmly in your throat.

You startled violently when footsteps sounded from off to your left, followed by Wyll's voice.

"Are you two coming to eat? Gale's just finished cooking. " He hesitated as he spoke, watching Astarion's hand slide subtly off your wrist.

"I am actually not feeling particularly well," you replied, flustered as you got to your feet. "Excuse me." They both watched you go, having similar expressions if uncertainty as Astarion stood up next to Wyll.

You remained in your tent for the remainder of the evening, listening to the others talking and laughing over warm food.

You shivered absently as you laid on your bedroll, the thick furs feeling less warm than usual. You hoped that it was simply the nights getting colder, but you had a feeling it was rather your thoughts giving the impression of warmth leaving your body.

You shut your eyes, your fingers tracing the palm of your other hand tucked by your face as you heard Astarion reciting one of his favorite stories to the others, undoubtedly keeping the company of a nice glass of wine.

The tips of your fingers traced down to your wrist where his hand had covered just a few hours before, your mind wandering back to the dream that had corrupted your thinking all day.

You had sworn off touch long ago. Your experience with it being only violent and cruel.

You did not want it.

A simple brush of the shoulder led to temptation of touching one's arm. Then, perhaps the urge to move in closer. Feel their breath against your skin, inhale their scent. .

These were temptations that people seemed incapable to control.

No! You wouldn't risk it! Not again! Not ever again.

You would not be used for another's pleasure.

And yet. . Astarion had touched you, had he not? Not just tonight, but other times as well. Whether it was catching you mid trip, protecting you in a fight . . even waking you from a nightmare or two. .

You took in a deep breath as these memories crossed your mind. The feel of his hands clutching your shoulders, his soothing, concerned voice as he tried to calm you down.

You had felt faint that night, waking with the air out of your lungs.

You had fallen against him, your hands shaking, weakly grasping at his arms as you tried not to faint. You could still feel the sensation of your temple resting against his broad chest. The feeling of his cool hand coming to rest on the side if your head.

He had never stopped talking while you worked through your panic attack. Plenty of it was not actually comforting, but the simple sound of his voice grounded you. And his touch made you feel drunk.

You had pushed those feelings away after that night. but after your dream, after the vivid sensation of his touch against your skin, his soft voice easing your tension. . You knew the sensation. It was too vivid not to have been spawned from a memory.

That feeling of safety. . Never had you expected to ever feel it in your life. .

You bit your lip as you curled in on yourself, wrapping an arm around your torso.

If your fears were right, and all touching always led to pain and violence, then why had Astarion never tried anything?

Even tonight, the touch had been. . Gentle. Hesitant, almost. Offering the option for you to pull away if you so pleased.

But you didn't. Something about it felt right. Like having a taste of water when you didn't realize just how thirsty you were.

Perhaps. . Just maybe, it was possible to find safety with him.

You trusted him with your life, after all.

And from things he had told you in the past, you got the feeling he would understand the fear you had of being taken advantage of more than anyone.

Your attention was grabbed by the sounds of everyone getting ready to head to bed, most likely due to the rain that had begun falling, making it's presence known to you by tapping rhythmically against your tent.

You bit your lip, feeling your stomach twisting at the resolve you made.

You would just ask him. What was the worst that could happen?-

You had to stop your brain from answering this question.

It took you a little under ten minutes to harden your resolve.

You kicked off the thick fur blanket, stuffed your feet in your unlaced boots, and headed for the vampire's tent across the camp from yours.

Except, by the time your feet stopped in front of his tent, your resolve had weakened once more, leaving you standing in the dark with rain slowly absorbing into the thin layers of your clothes.

You were already shaking with nerves by the time that thunder boomed in the sky so loudly it had you yelping in surprise, your mind having been far more preoccupied with other things than the lightning overhead. flinging yourself through the flap of fabric that covered the entrance of his tent, you froze as you laid eyes on the man laying in the dim lamp light.

Your entrance made Astarion look up with a start from the spot on his bed, his finger marking the page of his book he had been reading.

He looked confused by your odd entrance, though your meek posture and flushed skin made him smile at you. It rather made your head dizzy and your feet want to run.

"Hello, beautiful," he greeted, his tone ever seductive. "I figured I would be seeing you again tonight." He shut his book in a way that had you wondering how many times he had practiced the motion in order to get just the right amount of seduction out of it.

He was. . Everything that you were not in such moments.

Confident, charismatic, smooth and seductive. Experienced, and more or less functioning.

You looked down, hands clasped before you.

"I-i didn't mean to bother you," you whispered, finding yourself far more nervous than you normally were.

"I just. . I wanted to ask you. ." You shut your eyes as your cheeks went bright red.

He couldn't help but notice the soft tremor rattling your body. Your meek position was not one he often saw you possessing. Only in moments when you were truly terrified or nervous about something.

It was, much to his horror, rather.. endearing.

He had only seen you in such a state a spare few times, but when he did, he had the odd urge to handle whatever it was causing it.

And in this case, he felt certain that the thing causing you trouble, he could definitely take care of.

He stood up, moving over to you, making your heart beat quicken with nerves.

He had a way of looming that made you want to flee.

When you flinched back from him, suddenly rethinking if your request was such a good idea, you watched to your great surprise as he took a step back, frowning.

"Are you scared of me?" He asked with sudden realization.

The action had not been made out of anticipation, or longing. No. . People did not flinch like that unless they expected something unpleasant to happen.

You looked up at him with round, horrified eyes.

"No!" You replied quickly, your body trembling a bit harder.

"I- no, of course not, I just-" he turned his head to the right slightly as he continued to look at you, frowning as he brows furrowed.

"I just get- nervous, with people. . Touching me," you finally managed to get out, sounding royally ashamed.

You had survived an illithid tadpole swimming around in your skull, the crashing of a ship you you were on only because of being abducted, countless perilous fights, and even knocked the head off of one or two goblins without ever skipping a beat.

But this. Proximity to someone that had never once tried to murder you, or handle you in a way you didn't want to be handled. . This terrified you?

It was only then that he realized you had always avoided being touched by others. You had never shown interest in any form of romance, or even friendly pats on the shoulder by the others in your little party.

You had always managed to casually and seamlessly avoid such interactions.

"Why do you get nervous being touched?" He asked, though he had his suspicions. "I assure you, love, there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of." He offered his hand out to you, but made no further attempt at contact. Remaining a respectful distance from you.

You looked away, a part of you desperately wanting to reach out and grasp his hand, feel the sensation that you had found yourself desperate to for.

You did not, however. You remained rigidly shaking in place as you looked away.

"You. . You said that Cazador, . . That he made you do things you didn't want to do? With him? And. . Others? " You whispered nervously.

It had been a conversation you had had with him some weeks ago, out on a ledge relaxing beneath the stars while the others slept.

He frowned at the mention, dropping his hand when the offer was not accepted.

"Yes," he replied, seeming slightly more guarded. "Why?"

You tensed as another roar of thunder raged in the sky, your eyes shutting.

"Well- someone. . Someone did things to me. To hurt me, and- and use me-" you looked up at him, eyes round and nervous, a part of you expecting to be met with disgust.

The expression you were met with however, was one of a silent understanding. The defense in his gaze softened.

Though the bitterness remained, you felt certainty that it was not directed towards you.

"I see," he replied, his suspicions finally being confirmed.

"So why are you here, then?" He tilted his head back slightly. "Trying to rewrite the pain in your past?" He guessed. "Well, I'm okay with that. Happy to be of service, darling." He offered you a charming smile as his weight shifted to one hip, his hand coming up to hang loosely at the wrist.

"No, actually," you replied, watching the false happiness slip off his features. "I-. . I wanted to ask if. . You would want. . " you scrunched your face, looking tortured.

"I can read your thoughts if you'd rather not say it aloud," he offered when you fell silent.

You looked only more pained by this offer, but nodded mutely, opening your mind to him as the request was caught in your throat.

He shut his eyes was he felt the connection take hold, swimming in your thoughts to latch on to the question stuck in your mind.

"Do I want to cuddle?" He demanded in confusion, taking an affronted step back, letting out a breathless laugh as he looked at you.

You tensed, shaking just a little harder at his reaction, your stomach twisting in a manner that made you glad you had not eaten that evening.

"I-. . No one's ever asked me that before," he went on, the vehemence in his voice dissipating as he looked at you, features taking on more trouble attributes.

He looked at you quietly, your small form shivering, your clothes clinging to your body wetly, making him wonder how long you had been outside his tent, too scared to come in and ask for such an odd. . Innocent, request.

The strange part was, it. . Sounded rather pleasant.

You had never asked anything of him before. You offered loyalty to him and never asked for anything in return. Not even his own loyalty to you.

You had fought for him. Saved him. Cared for his wounds, and been there for him in moments when he felt he could open up.

"I-" he hesitated as you stayed silently staring at him, waiting for something bad to happen.

He did not need an tadpole to read the nervousness and fear in your mind.

"-i think I would rather like tjat," he found himself genuinely admitting.

He offered his hand again to you, his demeanor soft and delicate. The same demeanor he had offered when he held you when you couldn't catch a healthy rhythm with your breathing.

You looked down at his hand, hesitantly stepping forward and putting your hand over his, feeling a rush if excitement and longing rush through you as you felt his fingers wrap gently around your hand.

You took another step closer to him, your mind almost blank as you shut your eyes, and wordless pressed your body against his in a gentle, soothing hug.

He hesitated as you did this, fairly certain no one had ever hugged him before this very moment.

It felt. . Warm. . Comforting, almost.

Safe.

He wrapped his arm around you after a moment of uncertainty, the hold tenuous and hesitant.

He kept your hand in his, pressed between your bodies up against your chests.

He shut his eyes, feeling himself melting into the embrace.

When you pulled away finally and looked up at him, he quietly used your hand still in his to tug you with him towards the bed on the ground. He sat down on top of the blanket, looking up at you wordlessly, his hand still tenderly grasping yours.

You took in a deep breath, looking down at him intently as you sat on the ground in front of him on folded legs, taking in another deep breath with nervous giddiness from the proximity.

It felt just as you had dreamed it. The warmth, the tenderness. .

You leaned forward for what Astarion instinctively expected to be a kiss, but found himself freezing when you pressed your forehead tenderly against his, your eyes shutting.

The soft little breaths you took in to try and calm yourself, soaking up the touch in a manner that clearly felt euphoric- it was not things that went unnoticed by the vampire spawn.

You were. . Positively adorable. The gentle way you hesitantly brought your hands up to let the very tips of your fingers touch either side of his face. The soft, earnest expression you wore as you soaked up the feeling of being touched . .

He shut his eyes, bringing his hands up to gently cover your hands, feeling your tadpole reaching out to his, should he want it.

Curious, he reached out, and felt himself tale an inhale as a feeling of warmth washed over him.

Feelings of care, and trust. understanding, and longing.

But not for the thing most people wanted from him. . It was a longing to be to see, as well as be seen. A longing for understanding.

He brought his hand to press against the mid of your back, gentle and coaxing, you slowly agreed to the request, and let him guide your body to press against his.

The touch felt so different than usual. Perhaps it was the connection of the tadpole, but it felt warm, and safe

You felt safe.

He had never felt such a sensation before in his life. To genuinely trust someone. To care for them.

There were small, subtle glimpse of pain in your thoughts. Ones that he found he wanted to prod at further, but resisted.

He brushed his nose against yours mindlessly, and you returned the action, feeling entranced as he opened his own mind mind you in return, letting you see how cared for you were with him.

You melted further into the touch, slipping your arms around his back, a hand coming up to the back of his hair mindlessly to play with the soft silver locks.

He brought his hands to your sides, keeping you pressed against him as he carefully headed backwards so you rested down on top of him, his fingers coming to run along the divot of your spine.

Wrapping your leg around him, you settled comfortably against him, the heaviness of your body on top of him feeling like a pleasant weighted blanket.

He let his hands roam along your wet clothes before making their way into your damp hair.

He wanted to ask how long exactly you had been out there to have gotten so wet, be he refrained, simply listening to the rain hit the tent as you both soaked up the comforting touch.

You folded the blanket up around the two of you after a time, and felt him roll you both a moment later.

You opened your eyes softly to look at him, gently resting your forehead against his once kore, though there was no tadpole connecting you this time.

"If you ever want someone," you whispered, bringing your fingers up to tenderly touch his cheek. "If you ever want to talk, or just. . Have someone to be with, I am here." You brushed your nose against his, watching his lids fall half closed.

He looked like he wanted to respond, but was perhaps, for the first time in his life, at a loss for words.

He felt an overwhelming sense for gratitude towards the offer. He had told you things before, but it had been in moments of weakness, or because it was necessary.

He had never shared just because.

"Well," he finally whispered, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "This. . Offer, goes for you as well." He looked down, clearly trying his best, but having a hard time with more vulnerability.

"Thank you," you murmured, inching a little closer. "I'm. . Astarion, I'm so sorry, for everything you had to go through." The words were spoken with great feeling, your heart aching thinking about of of the things be had admitted to happening.

"It's in the past now, well isn't it," he replied, stroking your cheek. "But. . Thank you, love," he added with a great deal more hesitancy.

You smiled slightly, which he found did odd things to his insides.

He sighed mentally to himself. He was not going to allow himself to feel things things for you- he couldn't.

You were just-

His breathing froze as you shifted up, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and head as you shifted him so his head rested against your chest, the position feeling incredibly shielding and warm.

He felt his stomach twist, his throat strangely tight.

He wrapped his arm around your torso hesitantly after a moment, apprehensive.

No one had ever- held him before. It was not how this worked-

And yet. . He found his eyes falling shut with sudden exhaustion.

He cursed you, unsure what exactly it was about your touch that had him feeling so. . Melty. But it was unaccept-

Singing?

His ears perked up slightly, distracted from his thoughts as a sweet, soft melody gripped his attention instead.

His body eased to rest more heavily against you as his muscles relaxed.

Perhaps. . It would be okay just to relax and enjoy for a little while? And then he could get back to his plotting and manipulations later. .

He took in a deep breath, feeling your fingers touching his hair tentatively, running the tips of them through the outer layers of the silvery strands.

The soft vibration of your chest as you switched between signing and humming different parts of the song had him entranced.

You kept your gaze on him as you did so, feeling your stomach twisting with giddiness.

This had been it. It was just like you had dreamed. . The feeling of his arms around you, the dim light of the lantern casting calming shadows.

The tender, warm touch with none of the unpleasantness.

It was everything you had been craving and more.

You shut your eyes after a time, feeling him slowly heating against you as he slipped off into peaceful slumber.

You slipped down sleepily after nearly an hour of just enjoying the position of holding him safely in your arms.

You felt him shift in his sleep as you settled down against him, his arm wrapping around you, pulling you close.

You pressed your forehead against his softly, eyes shutting, feeling his breath tickle your face with every slow exhale.

You let your leg rest loosely in-between his, wrapping your arm around his waist before settling.

You slipped off a little while later to join him in slumber, the soft drumming of the rain and rumbling thunder in the distance lulling you to sleep.

#Astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #fluff #astarion fluff #astarion fanfic #bg3 #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate #fanfiction #fanfic #astarion romance #astarion ancunin #astarion angst #astarion prompt #astarion one shot #astarion tag

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lilaccatholic · 4 months

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This poll is for my practicing Catholic beloveds! Please only vote if you're a practicing Catholic (except for the see results option)!

Edit: autocorrect corrected whore of Babylon to whole bc apparently it's baby's first swear word 🫠

#polls #lilac rambles #primroses and polls

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little-mouse-gardens · 5 months

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A party for the goblin king

Yan fae king future Donnie x reader

Here is a little blurb I wrote based on my yandere fae king turtles au. Just a little idea that popped up in my mind while I was was listening to *cough* crane wives song curses *cough* and I couldn’t resist the urge to let my brain-rot run wild.

Tagging @lexiechr, @souperwrites, @radicallxser and @saltydoesstuff for feeding into my brainrot for these silly fellas >:3

Note : Let me know if there’s any spelling errors (autocorrect currently hates me for some reason)

Tw : Mentions of violence, alcohol, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, kidnapping (I do not condone this behavior in real life. this is only for entertainment purposes only), slightly suggestive???

Nothing about this place felt safe to you.

Nothing at all.

The warmth of the fire pit and torches. The glow of lanterns around the courtyard filled with so many types of goblin like fae running around partying and celebrating.

The savory scents of roasted meats and vegetables or the sugary scents of pastries of all kinds wafting into the air

Sounds of joyful music, laughter and the occasional cheering or rather yelling over the games being hosted down below from where you were seated.

All of it should have made you feel warm, safe or welcome.

However it was anything but welcoming to you. Considering you were currently seated in the lap of the being who’d been tormenting your cottage and kidnapped you the second those protective seals had been broken.

The horror of getting dragged into the woods over his shoulder from the safety of your home still angers you even in this moment.

Memories of pushing against him as he whispered sweet promises of an eternity of love and laughter by his side still echoed in your mind.

Absentmindedly messing with the hem of the soft silk robes he’d clothed you in and occasionally messing with the necklace of amethyst beads he’d claimed to have hand carved and strung himself while you angrily contemplated your circumstances.

What you wouldn’t give to be away from him and this nightmare you’d fallen into by chance. Just one smack to his smug face would quell that rage burning inside you.

Speaking of your captor, Donatello seemed to pick up on this change in your mood. His eyes moving away from the party to look at his beloved resting against him. Every fiber of his been fighting the urge to just start peppering kisses all across your body.

Slowly, he shifted you around in his hold so you were sitting sideways. His hand gently coming up to cup your chin and tilt your head to face him.

“something the matter, dearest?” He asked, his tridactyl hands slowly tracing patterns and shapes across your back and shoulders. The goblet of wine he’d been sipping and the letters of congratulations from his goblin subjects to him and his new spouse settled to the side on a table, “you seem distant? Is the music not to your liking? I did made sure the musicians learned your favorite songs”

You had to fight the urge to roll your eyes at the soft shelled terrapins smug tone. Shifting around uncomfortably in his hold to try and have some semblance of space between you and him.

“No, everything’s fine” you replied as casually as possible, turning your head away so you didn’t have to lock eyes with him. though a hint of your nervousness crept through that facade you held, “I’m just a little tired is all. This party’s been going on for what? Like three hours now?”

Donnie let out a deep chuckle at your reply. Your efforts to distance yourself from him and the twinge of anxiety creeping into your voice not going unnoticed by his keen senses.

Shifting you around again in his embrace so you were facing him, he reached a hand up to mess with the flowers neatly styled into your hair.

“Now, my darling” he crooned, slowly twirling a strand of your hair in his hand. The action combined with that low purr in his voice making warmth rise to your cheeks. A thought in the back of your mind screaming to run yet your body would not move an inch.

That smug smirk of his seemed to compliment that soft loving yet possessive look in those dark eyes that. Eyes that practically stared into your soul everytime they looked at you as he gazed at you. His free hand making sure you were securely seated across his lap, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze, “try to enjoy the evening, Hmmm? After all I spent a very, very, very, that’s three verys, long time planning for this celebration of our love. Your allowed to relax you know”

Before you could even ask how on earth you were supposed to enjoy this when he kidnapped you and put you through hell, he leaned in and pressed a tender yet passionate kiss to your lips.

His beak cold against your skin as you sat there wide eyed and frozen in surprise. A soft smile gracing his face as he felt your muscles relax slightly. Feeling his hands come up and rest on the back of your head when he pulled you closer to him. Basking in the softness of your lips and the scent of flowers still clinging to your skin from the bath.

Eventually, he pulled away to let you breathe. A small yelp of surprise escaping you when he teasingly nipped at your bottom lip, eliciting a breathy chuckle from him.

Resting his elbow on the arm rest of his throne and propping his head up with his hand. A look of pure adoration in his eyes that both frightened you and made your heart flutter ever so slightly.

“I love you, my dear” he murmured, his voice soft and eyes half lidded. tracing a heart across your neck with his free hand. his guilded claws brushing against your skin that you couldn’t tell if it was meant to be affectionate or a subtle reminder that you’d belong to him.

“so, so much” he murmured, his arm coming to wrap around your waist to press your frame against his plastron. The party becoming more of a blur as you quietly rested in his embrace. Peppering kisses across your head as you fought back the urge to push against him.

Looking back on it?

Maybe you should have just cut your losses and moved when you and the chance.

Now you dance and shed your tears in the loving but possessive arms of the goblin king.

#rottmnt #yandere donnie #yandere donatello #yandere tmnt x reader #yandere rottmnt #yandere rottmnt x reader #yandere fae king turtles au #rise of tmnt #future donnie #future donatello #future donnie x reader #yandere future Donatello

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shutupheathersorryheatherr · 6 months

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"I think youre like, super duper cool-- a morning with Kai”

Summery: a snippet in time for the two of you, though something like this happens too often to count. A soft and fluffy but fortifying morning with him to remember that all started with him fiddling with the straps and hems of your shirt… speaking of night clothes… there might be a surprise for him waiting underneath

A/N: um so this was supposed to have been out like an eternity ago but life has really been killing me lately so I apologize. Writing is good though and I really love it. I say this every time I post a fic but I’m not sure how good this is :( I originally wanted kai to eat out the reader in this fix but alas, I did not get to it

Warngingz/info: kissing, morning sex, unestablished relationship, like you can take it however you want in this, fingering, hanjob, reacher is gn! other than having a vagina, reader kisses Kai’s freckles/moles, Kai is pussy drunk? idk maybe he is in this, kai asks you to put just the tip in, kai loves the readers tummy thats pretty evident in this fic, spelling mistakes I'll get to them eventually.... think thats it but (it just autocorrected me to 'nut'....) I think thats it! please feel free to let me know if there's anything else!

~this is simply a piece of fiction. My imagination onto “paper.” This is in no way is mean to be taken as an actual and real representation of anyone.~

••••••••••••••

THIS IS SMUT! PLEASE HAVE AN AGE INDICATOR IN YOUR BLOG SAYING YOU ARE NOT A MINOR IF YOU ARENT OR ELSE I WILL BE BLOCKING YOU!!!!

The sun hits the front of your lidded eyes, burning them, but wanting, and now apparently waking you up at the same time. Kai shifts behind you, little puffs of breathing out tickling your neck. You finally open your eyes to look where at the state of the man currently latched onto your back. You feel him fiddling with the straps of your tank top absentmindedly, fingers ever so often brushing against your newly exposed skin.

Your desire to nod back off quickly fades when he takes a long breath-- something he always does when he wakes. Now, too excited to ask him in a moment if he's had any dreams, your sleepiness fades into just being calm with him. He circles his arms around your tummy, the pads of his soft and nearly hot with blush and toasty from just returned to the land of the living. it was weird... but something he always took notice of; the way all of his best sleeps were always with you. it wasn't like he couldn't sleep on his own, but when he did he woke up feeling as tired as he was when he laid down, or like they just didnt hit the same way as when he was with you

like he was now, with one of his arms falling asleep with you laying on top of it. but really, he wouldn't want it any other way. You put your hands over his, grasping them tightly almost in an awkward handshake. "So no good morning? no hi, how are you? just trying to brake my hand I see." His voice is groggy, raspy, coming from the back of his throat. You chuckle, and he feels like the sleep instantly is gone from his eyes.

"I was obviously helping you!" You protest, "I was giving feeling back into your arms."

"Why both of my arms then, huh?" his voice lowers, getting suspicious. "I have to show love to each of them." "By breaking them...?" You can feel his eyebrow raise. "mmhm." you say definitely. "Oh, very nice of you then." he snickers

He kneads your tummy gently. the soft skin on his making the both of you break a smile. Only for a moment though, until you feel coolness envelope you instead of warmth as before. Cause now he's getting up, blanket wrapped around his entire body and running to the other side of the bed. he flops down next to you, facing you and making the blanket billow around him like a cape. Now youre both engulfed in it. light from the curtains casting a glow on each of your faces through the blanket. "What? You were pushing me off the bed." You inch closer to him. "Oh, so it was that then, not you wanting to cuddle with me?" he nuzzles his face not your neck, hands already traveling to their rightful place where your hips and waist/ tummy meet. big hands warm you as he speaks into your neck: "mmhm, yeah that, and.... " he draws out the article, though you know what and was going to say and he does "I wanted to see you."

"reasonable." you smile.

"Really?" his smirk is coming through his lips, teeth, and mouth and his voice drips with it. And right now, youre not sure how to deal with it as youre drawn closer and closer to him like a magnetic pull is the only thing that's controlling you. Once youre close enough to feel each others rapid heart beats and close enough where if you just inched in... just a little bit, your lips would be on his neck and you could feel his pulse. you finally speak, "yeah, of course you did. I don't know if youve noticed but im like, pretty amazing." his tongue darts out to lick his lips and smiles. he starts rubbing at your skin again. well, more like brushing it, making you suppress some sort of laugh because its starting to tickle but still.

"Ive noticed, though!" he protests, face still in your neck, voice gentle because of your proximity. "am I that predictable?" you shake your head yes. (he does this almost every morning that you two wake up like this.)

"Im not accusing you--" "yeah yeah, I know but" he straightens his back, looking at you in the eyes now. "what if I happen to think that youre like... super duper cool?" a wide smile creeps onto his face, his eyes crinkling and his cheeks swell as he says the last few words. he draws in a short breath and continues: "and nice, and beautiful, and wonderful. and a whole lotta other things I know anyone who spends a bunch of time with you and who you know..." he cocks his head from side to side, thinking about how he was going to word what he wanted to convey. "...know about you, but I don't really know how to express right now."

You laugh with him. something similar to thing happens a lot between the two of you-- him wanting, no, needing to tell you how he knows how amazing you are, but either not being able to express himself or tripping over his own words. you barely ever paid any mind to it, though. and not in a "its the thought that counts" type of way, either. you might've not fully understood what he was trying to say, but the way he gazed into your eyes, brightness filling them, then looks away, then back at you, rose pigment in his face now.... god, did that tell you all you needed to know.

"hm," you hum, "I think youre supper duper cool too." he raises his head to place a quick peck on your lips. you would've kissed him back if he'd just give you a second. A moment of silence later and it leads to him pressing, almost poking his nose against your previously cold but now warm with the heat crawling into your face and he doubles down on his statement. "Im serious though--" you chuckle even though you can hear the weight in his tone. "So am I." and youre just as serious as him. you mouth a thank you nonetheless. "I-I'm serious though, I don't think anyone in their right mind could miss how amazing you are."

Two things, about this interaction: one,) you can joke about it all you want but, he thinks, you really are perfect. and two) no matter what he says about it, you really do think its cute how he's stumbling over his words. "Glad we're on the same page."

All the while you two have been talking, his hands are moving mere fractions of an inch up and down, up and down, down and-- now hes rubbing almost tickling circles right next to your navel. each stroke of your torso getting longer and longer. you fiddle with the waistband of his boxers until he goes far down enough to notice youre not wearing any underwear. the schooled look on his face makes you laugh as you both emerge from the little makeshift blanket fort you two have stretched over the beautiful expanse of his shoulders.

"oh, im sorry." he bites the inside of his cheek nervously and gulps, raises his hands off you. "what'r you sorry for? I thought you wanted to..." you move his hand back to where it was on the top of your ass. "touch me here?" "well I did-- I do." he corrects himself, but he keeps on rambling. "I just wasn't expecting-- and I dunno if you wanted to since-- oh, what?" He suddenly breaks a smile, his nervousness fading away when he sees you silently chuckling at him. "thisis making your brain short circuit is see. hm, I should let you know when im sleeping without them more often, don't you think?" his eyes go wide again. "you mean you do this frequently and I just don't know?" he leans back a little, eyes darting around, seemingly genuinely pondering this.

Your hands hover over his chest, warmth radiating off you onto his skin. he gently squeezes your ass and your back stiffens, chill going up your spine. "I can't find the words so" he draws out the last word, trailing off, "can I?" he dips his eyes to where the hem of your oversized T-shirt, (already bunched up in the back from him kneading your ass,) hits your upper thighs.

He drags the fabric up and you have half a mind to tell him to get on with it already. and what feels like forever later, hes dipping his thump into his mouth, wetting it with his salivating tongue. then he brings it down to your clit. he starts rubbing at it, warm air surrounding the small bud because of how deep you are under the covers. An electric shock runs up and back down your spine at the contact he makes with now two of his fingers pressing right were youre aching for him. "oh--" you cut your own self off knowing that what;; come our of you will only be incoherent mess.

You can't see what hes doing, he can't either and although that worrying him a little bit its making the experience that much more heightened for the both of you. this way, you can stare lovingly into his eyes and see the little movements his mouth makes, slightly opening here and there, when he gains a beautiful reaction out of you or he gets a little overwhelmed at the feeling of your warm and wet pussy on his fingers. and this way he can focus on all the sounds you make, wishing to bottle up the sound and get drunk on all your moans and hisses of pleasure.

You might not be able to see, but fuck, you sure can hear and feel. as he switches from rubbing at your clit and dripping hole to finger fucking you at that pace that drives you insane, the lewd sounds youre making together is fucking perfect--- music to your ears, even. its wet and mess, hes sloppy and almost desperate for the sighs of pleasure you make, or for that look in your eyes that lets him know youre about to be in the throws of ecstasy around his fingers... cumming for him. all for him. and all because of him. the groans aloud at the thought-- him being the(only) one making you feel this good, him brining you to your high so damn well. and he knows its selfish but a part of him wants to make you cum so good and so often that youre ruined for anyone else. so that the only fingers besides your own that you know could make you feel this good are his. the only tongue good enough for you? his.

it was like his cock and your cunt were made for each other... and that made him shiver in pleasure at the thought. you didnt miss the way he was like this, though. the way his pupils dilated and his jaw clenched at times like these were a tell tale sign.

Hes sloppy with his movements a bit but has just how you two like it. so wonderful he swears that if he could, he'd encapsulate the sounds and feelings that come from this and you and stuff himself full with it to delirium everyday. And if you could, you’d surely do the same. Especially with his grunts and whimpers. God you loved those.

His fingers were already fucking so deep inside you, like you could feel his fingers curl, almost, it feels like in your fucking guts. then, you think, imagine how otherworldly his rock hard cock would be. You can feel him grazing it up and down your thigh, trying not to make it too obvious but grinding his hard on into your plush skin none the les. He occasionally bumps into his own arm the more time goes on and the more desperate he’s getting with his movements. You bring the thigh he’s doing this to up a little further as he thrusts his fingers in and out of your pussy, you’re slick forming a thick ring around the base of his fingers, dripping deliciously onto his hand.

he breathes out a grunt, barely audible to either of you. And that’s when you couldn’t take it anymore. You tug at the waist and of his boxers, his warm abdomen on your knuckles. You look up at him and before you can get the words out he’s already begging “yeah— you can. Please—“ his words come out choppy, up and down in volume but you don't care. You slip them down, too wrapped up in him touching you and you about to touch him that you don’t get them any further than his thighs. The same thighs you have dreams about— dragging yourself on them till you cum with his big hands digging into your hips, sucking hickies on them as he lets out little sighs and as his hands don’t know where to go, the list goes on.

All you wanted was him a close to you as humanly possible, with your hand gripping the full weight of him and your thumb rubbing over, almost teasing his sensitive, leaking tip. You use your spit that's mixing with his precum to let you slide up and down the length of him. He rocks into your hand, same as you to his, trying to find release. And you start to get annoyed even though at this point hes flattened out his hand, your juices oozing out onto it as his palm rubs circles onto your clit.

His fingers are starting to go slower, and deeper if that was humanly possible. but thats not why you were getting annoyed-- kai, even with how he prettily threw his head back with an open mouth in pleasure and then forward again, grunting almost into your collarbone, the rest of him wasn't staying still. he was wriggling and writhing, uncoordinated thrusts into your hand and his have breathing make you lean in for a kiss and surprisingly your teeth don't clang together.

hes still moving around too much and you realize it'd be nearly impossible to get him to cum like this. So you bring you hand off him, ignoring, just for a moment, his whines in protest, chasing after your palm like how you just chased after his lips. You gently snap the elastic waistband against his abdomen as a reminder to calm down-- to get him focused again

At this point, the two of you are halfway sitting up and halfway laying down. Not the most comfortable position but you barely care as you can feel the beautiful pit in your stomach growing and he brings you closer to sweet relief. your mouth goes agape as he rubs you a little faster. You clench around his fingers and all he can think about is how tight you'd feel around him, creaming on his cock. Youre no better, though. with your thoughts of how big you'd know he'd be inside you, because lets be honest here, its not the laying on your side facing him thats making it hard to pump his dick.

You run your thumb along the vein on the underside of his cock and his legs still then quake. Your back arches into his touch. it's all getting too much for you-- you and him pleasuring the other with your hands at the same pace. and as your eyes flutter close because fuck, that face hes making is gonna make you cum if you keep on staring at it, you can feel it. almost like hes fucking into you for real; doesn't help that hes so close to your thighs either.

"I wan' you to cum for me. I love to hear you and feel you and--"

maybe hes rambling, but its cute none the less and that makes you regain full feeling and conciseness, now being able to will your hand to glide over his slippery cock faster, You feel yourself being tipped over the edge.

Your toes curl, his heart rate jumps as you let go of his dick, brining your hand to his wrist to hold him right where you need him. you couldn't focus on anything else at the moment, you felt like he was bringing your body to heaven-- like you were fucking ascending. His lips were on yours in a flash, kissing you like it was his last as you continue humping his palm to ease through your orgasm.

You cum with a muffled curse into his chest as you fall perfectly into him. you really are made for each other, huh?

"God, you look so beautiful when you cum. your face is buried in his collarbone and your hands-- they're gonna be the death of him tonight, hes sure of it. one's rubbing slow petel-in-the-breeze-soft circles on in wrist, and the other is over his heartbeat on his chest. it wasn't anything even that sexual if his dick wasn't out and his fingers weren't soiled with your cum.

you sink yourself deeper into his neck and chuckle. "Im guessing so beautiful that you dont even notice how I dropped your dick?" you blink at him, your lashes tickling his sensitive skin.

He can't even respond before youre kissing the mole on his neck, sucking a small mark there as he lets out little "ah-ah~" next to your ear, before moving up to the one on his jaw... then the one on the other side... then the next, and then next all while watching the little red mark on his neck fade until finally youre at the beginning of his chest. and now your hand his back on him and he feels like hes gonna actually die.

how did he deal with this before? maybe its the way the sheets smell all fresh and comforting, or the way his eyes are still drowsy with sleep and the perfect golden hour light hitting and warming the room just right, or maybe the way you were just around his fingers a moment ago... but whatever it was, he felt his release rapidly approaching.

You kiss him to swallow up the sounds hes making, knowing how his tip bumping against you, nearly tapping your pussy but catching your thighs, wet with your own cum and dampened with sweat is getting to be too much for him just as it was like for you a bit ago. he craved this maybe a little bit too much; your bodies melting together, becoming one. and he really can't hold it in anymore.

"I need-- just the tip, ok? I need to feel you around me. jus' the tip, thats all" his voice comes out with labored breathing and thats all you need to hear, sliding his tip in between your dripping folds. your hand stroking what you can't fit and dipping his head in and out of your hole. not much, just enough to get him addicted to the feeling. at this point hes doing most of the work for you; moving so that his cock slides up and down your cunt, and youre revealing in it as much as you are. with him smoothing over and rubbing your clit, giving you the satisfaction of some much needed friction and the beautiful full feeling of his cock-- even just a little bit is driving you crazy. and the overwhelming want to shove all of him into you, stuffing you full on him? otherworldly. making you have to physically stop yourself from fulfilling your want, no, need, to have him fully inside.

and the way your teeth poke out of your mouth as it opens in pleasure? he feels like hes basking, wishing to drown himself in your pussy. he kisses you urgently, like fire surges through him, pouring himself and his emotions out for you, spilling himself all over your hand as your slow down your strokes, dick throbbing in your hand. your pussy convulsing around noting as he comes down from his high.

The both of your breathing slows, his whines and grunts of pleasure turn into a smile as he looks into your eyes. he reaches over to the nightstand, effectively putting his chest in your face. He plops back down a second later with a couple tissues and grabs your wrist from under the blanket still and does his best to clean it off.

Its silent as he does this, but the good kind. not awkward or dead. but comfortable like it always is with him. it wasn't until then that the both of you realized how much he came. Yeah... he was gonna need another tissue. You peck his lips at the thought and sight but he starts to wonder how the fuck that happened. You really do do wonders to him, he thinks.

He finishes cleaning his own hand next then balls up the tissues before throwing them on the floor. they could be worried about later. he brings you close to him, all he ever wanted, really; to be close enough that his heartbeat syncs with yours and that he smell the sex coming off you... feel the warmth of your skin on his.

His hands find their rightful places at your hips and tummy. Youre almost nodding off again when--

"oh I forgot to ask you!" you nearly shriek at him "did you have any dreams?" the knowing smile that creeps up onto his face tells you all you need to know. "yeah... n' maybe they were about you..." he circles you waist and brings you closer, smirk on your face as he starts sucking on your neck. "oh? just maybe?" you try to keep your composure.

A/N: hope you enjoyed! if you did, please leave some love like comments or reblogs! and please send some asks-- both hard and soft hours are open!

taglist: @itz-yerin

©️2023copyrightofshutupheathersorryheatherr do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works even if you give me credit

#ghosts writing #heuning kai x reader #heuningkai smut #txt huening kai #heuning kai smut #huening kai smut #huening kai x reader #heuning kai #txt smut #txt imagines #txt fluff #txt ambw #heuningkai x poc reader #txt x poc reader

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neptune-scythe · 4 months

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Do you ever think about how Kaz making sure Inej is reunited with her brother is so he doesn't have to deal with his own grief?

Hear me out

Obviously he cares about Inej and wants her to have her family back and that's his main focus, or at least his main focus consciously

But here's the thing

They're mirrors of each other. Two people who lost brothers, Kaz's is gone forever ... But inej's is still out there (probably). Now we all know Kaz has never dealt with his grief, and probably barely even acknowledges it, mostly because he doesn't know how. That's not something people just ... Know how to do, grief is a process and if you don't have a single other person to help you or even be the slightest bit supportive it's going to be nearly impossible to grieve in a healthy way. Let alone being in a constant state of survival mode having to watch your back all the time because you're a kid in a very dangerous place and pretty much ever single person is an enemy, or at least not someone trustworthy or helpful. But I hella digress my bad

My point is Kaz hasn't dealt with the loss of his brother (why have I not used his name once? Bitch idfk my bad Jordie you deserve better bestie), which was a meaningless death. And by that I mean Jordie didn't sacrifice himself for some cause, he wasn't a casualty of a greater issue ... He just died. Because that what people do.

And especially for a kid who's all alone with not a single soul left on the earth who gives a damn about him, that's a pretty tricky concept to grasp. That your whole world, the most imporant person in your life could just die ... Just be completely gone in a moment. Thus why Kaz immediately blames Pekka and devotes his life to revenge, even though Pekka was only indirectly involved in Jodie's death. But blaming Pekka gives his death a meaning, it means there's something he can do to make it mean something.

Once again super digressed from my main point whoopsieeee. Hope y'all are enjoying the wild ride of my thoughts rn (I'm literally just stream of consciousness writing this shit, and for shits and giggles imma leave it that way no edits this is a first draft post you're welcome)

N E WAY

Jodie's death WAIT A SECOND HOW MANY TIMES HAS IT AUTOCORRECTED TO JODIE 💀

I'll never know because I'm not rereading this shit

Anyway

JORDIE's death meant nothing, and Kaz's revenge on Pekka didn't give it meaning either ... Which he probably knew deep down that it wouldn't. But those are the kinds of thoughts we ✨silence✨ because we need the rage for vengeance to keep us alive and doing things.

Now back to Inej and Harij.

Reuniting them will for Kaz make his own situation mean something (in my opinion don't at me these my head canon thoughts). That even though he can't bring his own brother back, he can bring back hers. And knowing that they're together will make his own grief a little easier to bear. It balances it out, if you will.

Two brothers lost, one brother found. Good math

OK BUT ALSO HAVE YOU CONSIDERED

Harij is Inej's younger brother

So consider Kaz is doing it as much for him as for Inej. He's making sure another little boy (he's obviously not a little boy anymore but like ... He was 12 ((idk how old he'd be know)) and that's plenty young) doesn't have to lose his older sibling forever.

And also consider

Kaz knows he doesn't deserve Inej, he knows he most likely won't always have her ... And more importantly she won't always have him.

He won't always be able to protect her, to keep her safe. But her brother could. Her brother could be there for her and her support her and even do a far better job (probs idk what bros personality is like but I bet Kaz Brekker is assuming shit too) than Kaz could. So by reuniting her with her brother he's making sure she's taken care of, that even if he lets her down, she'll never be alone.

Because real talk her

Y'all are allowed to have your head canons and shit I am NOT gatekeeping

But canonically Kaz Brekker is not the jealous or possessive type. If Inej wanted to leave him for someone else he'd be upset yeah but he's knows full well Inej is a living Saint and worth far more than he could ever deserve in a billion lifetimes, and he's also far more concerned with her happiness and well-being than what she can provide for him.

So he'd be satisfied being away from her, not knowing a single thing about her life, as long as he knows her brother is there with her.

He doesn't need to take care of her, he just needs to know that she is taken care of.

I rest my case

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Thank you for coming to my TedTalk 🫡

(addition because I did actually reread it and damn I somehow forgot my entire point???

So yeah

About him using reuniting Harij and Inej as a way to avoid dealing with his grief.

It's like this

Brother dies

Kaz goes straight to revenge, never actually processes any of it, just jumps straight into making Pekka pay for it ... Which tbh is dealing with it in a sense but it's in a very passive way of going straight to doing without ever processing ... If that makes sense.

And that's repaying violence with violence, which leads to more violence. It's a cycle of destruction that Kaz is playing into, which is very hard to get out of once it starts.

But reuniting Harij and Inej is a break in that cycle. It's Kaz using his own pain as motivation and incentive to do something that will heal others. And making sure that neither Inej nor Harij get caught in the same cycle as Kaz did, it's using his own knowledge of that cycle to protect others from it. And more specifically, he doesn't know how to heal himself, he doesn't know how to move on or process and grieve, he doesn't know how to leave the cycle ... So he's helping Inej and Harij heal from their pain instead, and making sure they never enter the cycle.

Because he probably is well aware that revenge isn't the healthiest way to channel grief (but bro doesn't care because Pekka needs to be put in his place and we stan him for that), but channeling it into helping someone he loves is healthy.

And real talk here

Kaz probably believes he will never move on or heal from Jordie's death. Thus him being trapped in the ouroboros of suffering ... And go with me here.

If we view the ouroboros (snake eating its own tail if y'all don't know) as a literal scenario Kaz is trapped in, it's a mental prison basically, and one he has accepted that he will never leave. His fate is sealed, and he can't do anything to save himself from that.

BUT even if he can't ever break out of the ouroboros, he can keep others out, he can't save himself but he can save others from being trapped there as well.

And because of this he won't have to deal with the fact that he's trapped, he can focus all his energy on keeping others out ... And it gives it meaning. That even though he's trapped forever and can't do anything for himself, he can do something for other people because of it. Because the only way to avoid the ouroboros is if someone inside warns you.

That was a wild metaphor I hope that made sense lol

Also once again these are my head canons and I wrote it from Kaz's perspective so to speak, so when I say things like He cAn NEVer HeAl that's because that's what he thinks (imo) not what is objectively true. Healing is absolutely possible and bro can get it he just doesn't know it yet.)

#grishaverse #six of crows #crooked kingdom #shadow and bone netflix #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #dirtyhands #the bastard of the barrel #the wraith #kanej #kaz x inej #kaz and inej #kanej headcanon #kaz and inej headcanon #kaz brekker headcanon #inej ghafa headcanon

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nerdiellers · 10 months

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A Lifetime | Death

feat: Nanami Kento x fem!reader, Gojo Satoru x fem!reader

cw: cussing, mention of death/suicide, mental illness, slight child neglect, spoilers for jjk

summary: taking the news of the death of your husband was something you never expected. you spiral into despair as you grieve

a/n: this hasn’t been proofread, so please forgive any typos and mistakes! I write on my phone and I have autocorrect on because I’m too lazy to fix what I type

next chapter ↝ | masterlist

You stood in the kitchen staring at Yaga with wide eyes, your hands shaking.

“W-What?” you asked quietly.

Yaga rubbed the back of his neck and exhaled through his nose. He knew this would be hard, but he wanted to be the one to tell you rather than anyone else. He was your teacher and friend.

“Nanami Kento was killed in battle against the curse Mahito. Itadori Yuji reported this incident as soon as he could.” Yaga spoke quietly.

Your heart stopped and the shaking proceeded to become worse, causing your hands to crush the glass you were holding as you were about to set a glass of tea down for Yaga. This caused the porcelain shards to cut into your hand, causing Yaga to immediately jump from his seat, rounding the island in your kitchen to get to you.

You couldn’t feel anything though, couldn’t process the news. The wounds you received didn’t even register to you as Yaga took your hand and ran it under the water, gently taking out the shards.

Kento, your beloved husband, was killed. By a curse. He had told you about the upcoming incident with the promise of coming home on time as usual. You remember him leaving in the morning as usual, leaving you with a kiss to the top of your son’s forehead and a kiss to your lips, making sure to tell you both that he loved you.

But he wasn’t coming home. Ever again.

As soon as your brain processes this, the tears welled up in your eyes, your legs giving out and you fall to the floor. The fall was softened by Yaga, who was in the middle of treating your wounds.

Once you’re on the floor, the tears began to flow, heaving sobs and screams escaping your throat. You’ve lost the love of your life, your soul mate, your best friend. You couldn’t believe this to be real, hitting yourself in order to determine whether this was real or just a terrible and excruciating nightmare.

After the first hit, you raised your hand once more, ready to strike yourself again before Yaga gently grabbed your wrist.

“Y/N.” He spoke.

You had no energy to fight against him. The air escaped from your lungs and you felt yourself have a panic attack. How were you supposed to go on without him? How can he not be here to watch your son grow?

And then it hit you — your son. How was he going to process the news? How will you tell him?

Your mom would come home after picking your son up from preschool in a couple of hours. He was so attuned to your emotions that he would know something would be off. Your son was only 4, he wouldn’t fully comprehend grief just yet as he was still learning how to be more attuned to his emotions and keep them under control.

Fortunately for you, he had his father’s personality. He was incredibly smart and understood things perfectly fine when it came to anger, but he had never had to learn how to control his grief.

The thought split your already broken heart further, feeling as if the shards of your heart had spread and was stabbing you on the inside, slowly making its way through your body, making sure to stab every nerve you had along the way.

“Y/N.” Yaga spoke to you in a gentle tone.

For the first time since you found out, you looked at Yaga through blurred eyes, fully recognizing that your tears hadn’t stopped and Yaga had been holding your hands. Your throat burned, just how long were you screaming as your tears fell?

Yaga’s expression was that of utmost concern. He was your teacher, having taught you, Nanami, and Haibara. The three of you were close to each other as he remembered.

Eventually you and Nanami had begun dating within your first year before getting married after he left the Jujutsu world. Yaga, of course, had been invited as Nanami’s best man. The wedding itself was beautiful and you were stunning. The way your and Nanami’s eyes sparkled as you saw each other was something out of romance novels and Yaga felt a sort of pride knowing that he had watched the two of you since the beginning.

And here he was, at the end, the one place where he didn’t want to be as he watched you crumble in front of his very eyes. Jujutsu sorcerers dying was almost common, but Nanami was a great sorcerer. Yaga should have known that even the strong ones would fall eventually.

First Gojo disappears, and now Nanami is dead, two things Yaga never would have expected. But he had grieved as much as he could, it was your turn to grieve. And he was here for you as often as he can be due to the events in Shivuya taking what little sorcerers we’re available. He would have asked you to join, but he didn’t want to risk Yu to become an orphan at such an early age when he’s expected to manifest his powers any day now.

Looking into your eyes, he felt his heart break. You were never to look like this, so broken and done.

You were waiting patiently for Yaga to speak, the tears never ending as you hiccup every so often, the sobs having done so much to your throat.

“Nana- no, Kento,” he corrected himself “was a great sorcerer and he will be deeply remembered throughout the years. I will help you with funeral services as soon as Shibuya is dealt with, this I promise you.”

You tried your best to smile, showing Yaga the appreciation you feel, but it felt so wrong to smile, not while you’re grieving. Instead, you nod. You couldn’t find it in your heart to be vocal fearing that as soon as you open your mouth, you’ll start screaming again.

Yaga continued to hold your hands as you worked through your tears before he was called away.

You hadn’t moved from your marital bed since Yaga left, hugging Kento’s pillow tight, feeling your heart painfully pounding against your chest, your body growing numb as emotions left your body completely. Even the feel of your own heartbeat had begun to feel numb.

You never thought you’d have to experience this in your lifetime. Kento was a strong sorcerer and he was physically gifted in combat. You couldn’t ask for the details, afraid that your imagination would run wild with the details.

The front door clicked open and shut, indicating that your mom and son were home.

“Y/N? Where are you dear?” Your mother called out.

“Mommyyyyyy!” Yu yelled.

Hearing the tiny footsteps, Yu knew exactly where to find you; in your room. Pushing open the door, Yu sees your form on the bed and his eyebrows upturned — he could feel something was wrong when you didn’t greet him like you normally do.

“Mommy?” He called out, nearing your bed before using the stepping stool you and Kento left on the side of the bed so that when Yu needed the two of you, he could climb into bed himself and cuddle in between the two of you. He felt safest in between you and his father.

“Mommy what’s wrong?” Yu asked as he climbed your bed and crawled his way over to you.

“Yu? Did you find mommy?” Your mother asked as she entered your room, stopping as she sees your still form on the bed. Yu looked at his grandmother, worry expressed on his face.

“Gram? What’s wrong with mommy?” He asked.

As your mother neared you, she shook her head. “I’m not too sure sweetie, why don’t you go to your room so I can talk to your mommy?”

Yu shook his head and held onto you. It was pitiful, you couldn’t even register your own son’s arms. You didn’t feel even an ounce of happiness that your son was home.

“Yu,” your mother spoke in a gentle tone “I need you to please let me talk to mommy. It might not be something you’re meant to hear.”

Yu gazed at his grandmother before looking at your expressionless face, your eyes red, hugging his father’s pillow before looking back at his grandmother, nodding with a solemn expression before safely sliding off of the bed. He walked to the door before turning to look back at you.

“I love you mommy…” he spoke before leaving entirely, heading to his room as instructed.

As soon as the door was mostly shut in Yu’s room, your mother looked at you. Sitting on the edge of your bed, she placed her hand on your arm, trying her best to be gentle with you.

“Hon? What happened.” Your mother asked.

You felt your tears sting your eyes. Biting your lower lip, you try your best to contain your tears before covering your face with the pillow.

“Kento’s dead, mom.” Your voice squeaked, hoarse as you spoke. And that was it, your tears fell again as you began to sob into the pillow, attempting to muffle the sound as to not alarm Yu, who you were sure was listening in his room.

Your mother felt her heart break, seeing you like this. She knew the risk of being a Jujutsu sorcerer, but she also knew Kento was particular when it came to the missions. She for sure believed that he would stay alive, but fate is inevitable.

“Honey…” rubbing your arm, she felt your body shaking as you attempted to hold back your tears. “You can go ahead and cry, don’t hold them back. You know it upsets your stomach.”

You snapped and looked at your mom, brows furrowed.

“I don’t care about my stomach ma! My husband is dead! My partner, the love of my life, Yu’s father!” You yelled.

Your mother’s brows knitted together. “Please keep your voice down honey, you don’t want Yu to hear you.”

Your brows upturned. She was right, you didn’t want Yu to know, not just yet while you were still figuring out how to tell him.

“Daddy’s dead?” A soft voice echoed in the room.

You and your mother’s heads turned towards the doorway to see your son in his pajamas, his tiny hands clutching his shirt, his eyes wide.

Shit.

Your mother sighed and stood, making her way to Yu, before crouching down to his eye level.

“I want to tell him.” Your voice a hoarse whisper.

Your mother looked at you as you stared at the wall in front of you. You looked tired, exhausted even. It was to be expected, losing your significant other was one of the hardest things to go through.

Standing, she patted the top of Yu’s head before leaving the room, giving the two of you privacy.

“Mommy?” Yu asked. He knew you were sad and he could see it in your eyes. You looked at him and gave him a pained smile.

“Come here, baby. Let me hold you.” You asked, holding your arms out for him.

Yu immediately ran to the stepping stool, lifting himself on the bed and into your arms. Wrapping your arms around him, you looked into his eyes, the same eyes that resembled Nanami’s with your hair color.

You remembered when you were pregnant with him, Kento had quit working at his job because he was tired of exploiting others for the sake of money, and you wholeheartedly agreed with his decision. He had become a Jujutsu sorcerer once again.

You inhaled then exhaled. Looking into the eyes of your son once more, you raised your hand to gently set it on his cheek, rubbing it.

“I’m afraid that —“ you paused to control your tears, but your voice betrayed you as you continued. “Daddy’s not coming home.”

Yu tilted his head. “When is daddy coming home?”

Your breath hitches, doing your absolute best to control your emotions for your son. You never thought you would have to say this.

“He…he won’t be coming home, baby. There were complications in daddy’s mission and he…he passed away, sweetie.”

Yu stared at you as if he was trying to gauge your emotions to better attune himself to it. Eventually, the tears welled up in his eyes.

“Mommy?” Yu cried. If you could feel anything, you could feel what was the rest of your broken heart shatter. And the fact that you don’t feel anything when looking at your crying son makes you feel horrible. But you were broken and didn’t have it in you.

As the arms around your son tightened slightly to reassure him that you were there. But were you really? The two of you were grieving for the loss of Kento, your husband and Yu’s father.

You couldn’t even feel your son in your arms, the numbing feeling taking over you, the poison coursing through your veins, numbing your body but not enough to no longer feel the pricks to remind you of the poison, the grief you were feeling.

“-ey? Y/N!”

Your eyes snapped up to look at your mom, who was standing beside your bed, staring at you, her expression full of concern.

“Honey, I can stay with you, help you take care of Yu.”

You shook your head.

“I just…I just want to be left alone.” You answered, your voice had gone from a choke from holding back your tears to a low monotone devoid of emotion.

“I can take Yu and he can stay with me while you grieve.” She offered.

Yu immediately pulled away and shook his head.

“No! I wanna stay with mommy! I don’t wanna go!” He yelled as he cried harder, as if he was throwing a tantrum, which in this case would count as a tantrum.

Your mom reached her arms out and went to gently take Yu from your arms as they loosened your hold on him. As soon as your mom touched Yu, he screamed and grabbed onto your shirt.

“No! Mommy!” He screamed, holding onto you as he screamed and cried.

You continued to sit there as your son was clutching onto you for dear life, begging you to keep him safe but you didn’t have the energy to do so.

Yu continued to clutch onto you while your mother tried to pick him up. Every gentle pull resulted in him screaming and eventually your mother gave up, leaving him to cry on your chest. Sighing, your mother looked at you.

“I’ll come back tomorrow to take Yu to preschool, ok?”

“I don’t wanna go!” Yu screamed. He wanted nothing more than to be with you, his safe haven. But could you provide your son with that safety?

I hope this turned out well! I’ve been stewing on this for a few days while I’ve been trying to think of how to write the Lucifer story.

I planned on making this a series, so please let me know if you’d like to see more!

Jujutsu Kaisen belongs to Gege Akutami

©️nerdiel-has-no-braincells Please do not copy, translate, and post as your own. Reblogs, likes, and comments are ok with me!

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