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#asha being a good big sister has my heart
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jude and cardan headcanons that make my heart warm
Cardan often waits to fall asleep after Jude does because he likes to look at her and see her relaxed, an expression on her face that he rarely sees
every now and then, at revels, a member of the court would say something that is slightly offensive about Jude, not enough for them to be punished but enough to annoy her. Cardan puts a hand on her thigh under the table and gives it a squeeze to calm her down. Surprisingly, it works.
the land loves Jude, and adapts to her very easily despite her mortality. The smells she always liked about Faerie are suddenly more noticeable in the air and sometimes when she walks, flower grow in the shape of her feet.
Cardan is extremely proud and refuses to get rid of the flowers, even if they sometimes grow in their room
at night, when neither can sleep, they go to the gardens and bloom flowers of all kinds. Jude glows with happiness that she finally masters some magic and her expression is enough to lit Cardan on fire. When they return to their room, if they even make it back, they can't keep their hands to themselves.
on lazy nights, they lie in bed, closely embraced and trace each other's scars. Cardan kisses the scar in Jude's palm and Jude pulls Cardan closer to her.
when she's really tired, or overworked(because Jude does not know how to relax) she has nightmares. She dreams of her time in the Undersea, of Nicasia's cruelty and Balekin's lips on hers and when she opens her eyes, in the darkness of the room, Cardan looks too much like him. She whispers softly 'Cardan?' and he wraps his tail around her to pull her closer, as if he could push her into his body, into his soul and keep her safe there. He replies 'I'm here, my love' and starts playing with her hair. She immediately exhales in relief. She is the Queen of Elfhame and she loves Cardan.
Whenever Jude touches Cardan's cheek, or kisses his forehead or hugs him, it's as if Cardan melts into the touch. Before Jude he rarely had the chance to experience comforting, soft touches and now he can't get enough of them. He feels all her love seep into his skin through those touches and once she notices, she finds every opportunity to touch him.
Cardan also has nightmares- sometimes they're about Balekin and the punishment he endured at his brother's hands. These fill Jude with such an anger that she wants to murder Balekin all over again. She vows to Cardan that she'll get revenge on everyone who ever hurt him and since his entire family is dead and therefore not accesible for her to torment them, she finds little ways to make Asha's life a nightmare. Other times, Cardan dreams about losing Jude to the Undersea, and when that happens he screams her name. She touches his cheek and kisses him softly and swears she'll never leave his side.
In public, they always play a game of who can annoy the other more. Their banter is a mystery to the courtiers but they always laugh and although they swear they are annoyed at each other, everyone can see the love in their eyes.
In private, they're all soft touches and I love you's whispered in the dark.
When they're bored, they sneak out of the palace and walk through the rest of the isle. They are in disguise which allows Cardan to practice what he learned from the Roach and Jude to spy and listen to what the people say when they think no one hears.
Cardan loves to visit Vivi and Oak and Orianna, even Madoc, in the mortal world. With time, Madoc learned to accept his defeat. He understands now that while he always said that family comes first, it never did for him, not truly. Now, with the possibility of war and bloodshed forever taken from him, he finally understands that he is grateful to have Orianna at his side, and to watch Oak grow. Orianna left her pretentious manners behind in Faerie and learns to treat Cardan not as the High King, but as a child that needs love and protection and comfort. She cooks his favourite foods when they go to visit, and Madoc starts treating him with respect once he realizes that Cardan can and does make a good king. They sometimes talk strategy, and when Cardan suggets something that surprises Madoc, he proudly clasps a hand on the King's shoulder and gives him half a satisfied smirk. To Cardan, it almost feels as having a father.
Vivi adores when Cardan visits and so does Heather. He's funny and charming and it's so clear that he adores Jude that Vivi can't help being proud and delirious with happiness.
Oak loves when Cardan and Jude visit because Cardan always brings gifts, and chases him around. Jude looks at them with a look that Oak rarely saw while growing up, relaxed and unguarded. Oak loves Cardan for making his sister so happy.
Taryn treats Cardan exactly as she would a brother. Her child is a big crier and it takes ages to calm them down when they start crying. Cardan can calm the baby within seconds, making funny faces and spinning the baby around in his arms. Whenever they visit, Jude and Cardan shower the child with all the love they didn't feel when they were younger.
Taryn and Jude sometimes try to pose as each other to see if they can trick Cardan. They can't. Cardan can guess which one is Jude with barely a glance at them. Jude loves him even more for it. She loves that her husband can tell the difference between them
The Ghost, The Roach and The Bomb visit often too. The Bomb makes toys for Oak and Taryn's baby, The Roach performs tricks with coins and the Ghost plays hide and seek with Oak. Oak can never seem to find him, but he soon picks up a few tricks and it becomes harder and harder for the Ghost to find the kid.
Cardan is happy because he finally has a family that loves him.
Jude's heart swells with joy when she see Cardan becoming more and more comfortable with himself and with the people around him. He once said that he didn't knew if they could take off their armours after wearing them for so long, but he seems like he found a way. His heart is less guarded, and his smiles are brighter. Her heart becomes becomes lighter too.
They never have children of their own, but they love watching the children of their people run around and play at revels. They don't allow any kind of cruelty when it comes to children and if they ever see a parent treating their child wrong, they make sure it won't happen again.
They are feared by their people, Jude with her fierceness and Cardan with his quick wit and sassy mouth. But they are also loved. People fear betraying them because they fear losing the love the King and Queen have for their subjects.
Cardan turns out to be a greater king than Eldred ever was.
Jude becomes quickly admired by their subjects, for her bravery and resilience and everything that she did and does. Young girls are fascinated by her and often come up to their Queen to tell her how they wish to be like her when they grow up.
Jude and Cardan are happy and in love for a long time.
One day, Jude remembers how Balekin asked her if she wanted to become one of them, a long, long time ago.
She asks Cardan if it's possible to turn a mortal into a Faerie and they start researching.
Turns out, it is possible.
Cardan and Jude are happy and in love not only for a long time, but forever.
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themadauthorshatter · 3 years
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If you're up to date with my posts, then you know what's about to happen.
I've read the books, WE'VE ALL READ THE BOOKS, but this is a somewhat fun switch-a-roo.
Expect a BUNCH of changes that I'll try justifying, especially painful ones, so bear with me🙏
OTP SWAP PART 1: THE CRUEL PRINCE!!!!
I'm starting with the first book for obvious reasons
Like before, we start in the mortal world with Ashley Duarte(yes, human!Cardan's last name is Duarte, but like I said, bear with me) making tacos in the kitchen while one of the MANY dogs and other animals wait for her to drop some food. Baby boy Cardan and his older half-sister Rhyia are watching some human stuff, maybe Looney Tunes or old Mickey Mouse cartoons, when the door is knocked on, which alerts the animals and wakes a half asleep Cardan; Rhyia does not wake up.
Cardan answers it and finds a cloaked Madoc at the door. Rather than ask who he is or call for his mother, he stares at this man, who kneels and asks as evenly as possible if his mother is home.
Cardan slams the door in his face, which prompts Ashley to ask why he did so.
Madoc BANGS on the door and shouts, "Asha!" and Ashley pales as she realizes who is at the door.
She demands Cardan to go upstairs as Madoc kicks the door open and walks inside, giving the same speech as the original, that Balekin told him she'd ran away with his daughter, that she killed a woman who was just as pregnant as her, that she ran away and married some lowly farm hand and blacksmith. He thought it was a lie, but nope. Here she stands.
Asha(which is her real name) is deeply ashamed at his words, and tries to pull Cardan away; an angry Madoc is an unstable Madoc.
Like before, Justin rushes in to save his family, but ends up getting kebabbed with his wife.
Rhyia does wake up to see both and Madoc spills the tea that she's his and needs to pack her bags because they're leaving, and Cardan's coming with.
Cardan, despite being seven, is outraged and tries to kick Madoc into oblivion with no avail. Rhyia, however, swears that she'll never love a monster like Madoc, who simply scoffs and tells her to wrangle the human and gather her things in half an hour, because they're leaving for Faerie.
Reluctantly, they do and they never see the mortal world again for a very long time.
Jump to the present day as Cardan, a now seventeen year old human heart throb, is getting prim and proper for a revel. His hair is getting styled nice, he's in a nice suit, he's wearing a cool belt that makes him look like he has a tail, and has ear cuffs that make his ears look pointed like a faerie.
He also has rowan berries on his wrist, because he doesn't want the necklace to be easy to see as a lot of his shirts show his chest.
He's dolled up and meets Locke, his brother that came around when Madoc married Oriana and had Oak. The two did not get along, at first, but they began to tolerate each ither as they realized they were the only humans in Faerie that were gentry kids.
Locke is more of a bard or a poet, always seen with a little book, and doesn't wear the same stuff Cardan does, so no pointed ear cuffs for him. He's also more accustomed to Faerie, being good with half truths and minor deception. He's on good terms with both Madoc and Oriana.
Cardan, however, is not on good terms with either of them, as he has tried multiple times to leave Faerie, with and without Rhyia with him, and every time ended with Madoc outside scowling at him and leading him back to his room. Still has that 'no kill' rule, but he's better with sneaking and a sword, having been able to lighten his steps so he could sneak past Madoc and his guards whenever he tried to leave. He's not bad with a sword, but he still has a lot to learn, being 17 and all. When he doesn't have a sword in his hands, he has an animal in them, i.e. a foal, a dog, or, at one point, a skunk that was calm enough to not spray him. Yeah, animal lover that can hold his own.
The two exchange banter and Locke shows show rare excitement for this revel, saying the two will have the time of their lives. Locke, who isn't as close with her, wonders where Rhyia is, but Cardan reveals she's not attending, instead going to visit some friends in the mortal world.
Her funeral as the boys saddle up with Oriana amd Madic and go to the revel.
Similar events occur, like Oriana telling the boys to be careful, Madoc talking to Dain and Balekin, and Locke leading Cardan through the revel so they can have a good time.
IT GOES DOWNHILL WHEN THE GREENBRIAR TWINS AND THEIR FRIENDS ARRIVE. Jude, her older sister Taryn, and their friends, Edir, a bard that can sing and play anyone under the table, Valerian, who's a sadist, and Nicasia, the princess of the Undersea.
Jude and Taryn may have the same face and body, but don't be fooled, Jude has horns, always wears a sword, and will slap you in a dress and then set it on fire without a second’s hesitation. Taryn, however, always has a bunch of flowers in her hair, always wears a dress, and uses words as her weapon. Did you know that she broke on of the most boisterous men in Faerie qith nothing but her words? True story. Edir is the guy that keeps them both in check, an order of Balekin's, which we'll learn later. He is also more of Jude's friend and Taryn's bed buddy, in SFW terms. Nicasia is Jude's friend, like FRIEND, and Valerian is the same, really, just more of an ass now that he has more even targets.
Everyone bows to these guys, even Cardan and a smirking Locke. That smirk vanishes when Taryn winks at Cardan, who Jude GLARES AT.
Locke feels the same way, cinfused and angry, but no time to think in it because Valerian storms toward a confused Cardan and grabs him by the collar, snarling that he can play dress up and make believe all he wants because it won't hide his plain hair or round ears or barn dog smell, so he shouldn't even bother.
Valerian throws him back and Locke rounds on Cardan, asking him what the hell that was between him and Taryn. Cardan brushes him off, as it was just a wink, not a lap dance. Before they can REALLY go at it, crying draws their attention and see that Jude just pincushioned someone who didn't bow, said someone nkw having a hole in their stomach and a slash across their torso. Taryn is annoyed, Nicasia and Valerian are trying not to laugh, and Edir, who's embarassed, is scolding Jude for losing it at a revel.
Jump to after the revel and the day of school. The boys do indeed get dirt kicked on their food, but instead of 'make me,' Cardan snaps, 'TRY me,' because Nicasia asks if he's as filthy as other human boys. Locke talks him down, but Valerian, kicking more dirt and even throwing some IN Cardan's face, asks if the two qould like them for friends.
Locke apologizes for Cardan, but Jude commands he prove it by dropping out of the tournament, it'll be less embarrassing than getting his ass beaten in front of everyone.
Nicasia spots one of the ear cuffs and pulls it off, asking if he stole it. Big mistake because the cuff burns her hand, as it is iron and iron hurts Faeries.
Cardan smirks and the group leaves, Locke scolding him for being stupid.
Later, at dinnner, after talk of Dain's coronation, Cardan, despite some minor objection from Rhyia, asks Madoc a question: May he please have a green sash for the tournament? Why? He would like to be a knight, please and thank you. Madoc chikes on his wine, Locke coughs to hide a laugh, Rhyia winces, and Oriana os shicked into silence.
Madoc gives it to him straight: he's not bad with a sword, he's good on his feet,and he's the best damned rider that anyone's ever seen, but no. He cannot compete for knighthood, on the count of being the furthest thing from a killer imaginable and just being in over his head.
Cardan protests that he can do just fine, but Madoc warns him to stop before he gets himself thrown in a dungeon instead if his room until the coronation of prince Dain.
Cardan relinquishes and we get the salt prank like before, except Locke is pissed beyond all reason at his foster brother. Cardan doesn't mind until he's grabbed by Edir and Valerian, Locke being pulled by the hair by Jude and both are thrown in the river, which has Nixies in it.
Thier supplies get yeeted, Locke gets pulled out by Valerian and is made to kiss Jude on the lips and both her horns, but, when asked, Cardan does not give up, vowing that he will never give up, which makes Jude laugh and the group leave.
Locke and Cardan walk home, get some baths, and go to bed, except they go to the mortal world with Rhyia and meet her friends Vivienne and Heather at the mall. Vivienne apologizes for Jude's behavior, and we learn that Rhyia is planning to leave Faerie, and is probably going alone.
The boys return and endure a lesson, but Jude pushes Locke's buttons, so Cardan pushes her into a tree. Challenge accepted.
TOURNAMENT TIME!! Cardan fairs wellin that Valerian is lazy, Edir is out of shape, and Jude got cocky, so he wins.
Jude fumes at him, later grabbing him by the tail on his belt amd demanding he beg for her forgiveness. He does... NOT! And spits in her face that she may push him down, but he'll pull her down with him, and it will hurt her like hell.
Taryn approaches him and expresses interest in him, saying that she once took both Edir and Nicasia from Jude because people just like a sensitive girl.
She leaves and the tournament eventually ends, which leads Cardan to return hime and meet Dain, who requested one of Madoc's people to tell Cardan one of Eldred's children had come for a visit.
Dain and Cardan get talking and Dain offers him something that isn't knighthood: spying. Plus one wish.
Cardan knows what he wants: to not be controled.
Granted, but Dain can still control him and the fruits of Faerie will still effect him.
Screwy, but deal, he's a spy now
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!!!!!
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nelliebrookstone · 3 years
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( BRIANNE HOWEY, 29, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER ) * hey, i’m looking for the office of ELEANOR ‘NELL’ BROOKSTONE. they’re the EMPLOYEE who’s known around the office as THE BURN BOOK, if that helps ? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re SUPPORTIVE but PETTY, is that true ? i also heard that they’re the one who CRIED IN THE BATHROOM BECAUSE SOMEONE TOOK HER YOGURT. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.
Greetings Earthlings, my name is Asha I am simply a fellow human from planet earth looking to hang out with my cool friends at the Build-A-Bear. I’m excited to be here! I have more information on Eleanor (nellie if you know here, nell if you don’t) below the cut! If you give this a lil like I’ll slide into your exclusive tumblr DMs to plot! 
So, who is Nell? Well let me tell you. As far as most people know, Nell is a former Masters Model turned Head of Talent Management for models. She’s a mix of sweet Alabama charm and scary dead smile energy, and she always has a compact for you to borrow in her purse. Most people know she always has a perfect french manicure and knows most people by first name. You might also know she recently divorced Parker and is no longer using his last name, please do not call her Mrs. Carson she’ll cry in the bathroom and then leave you a bad yelp review. You’re not even on yelp, you say? She’ll make one for you and then leave a bad review. 
But like a curated Insta, this ain’t it folks. So buckle up. (I say this dramatically but tbh she has had a pretty stable life)
Nellie grew up in a smallish town in Alabama. If you ask her, it wasn’t small at all. But it certainly was compared to large city centers, and definitely compared to New York. It was the kind of town where everyone knew your business, and Nellie had a lot of business. 
She was a teen queen! Head cheerleader, student president, shining volunteer of the county and Lady Alabama of 2010 (not to be confused with Miss Alabama, but if you ask her it’s basically the same thing). She was very involved in her community and her parents were well known in the area for their construction company. Everyone loved her that she was like the golden child of the town.
It was a great, privileged life! Her parents got married young, had a bunch of kids, and had the means to care for them! Her parents also have a very genuine love story, still passionate about each other years later. She and her sisters (all five of them) have always wanted a life like their parents’. 
The one difference between her and her parents remained her desire to roam and see the world. She wanted to travel, or at least live in a place where she could meet new people from new places. Moving to New York seemed like a great place to get some experience, though if you ask her mother she probably got the idea from some dumb TV show. She did. It was a lot of shows. And a lot of movies. There were a ton of romantic comedies that TRULY shaped this desire. 
she started sending in applications to various schools in New York. She was an honor list student with a lot of extra-circulars and passion to be at these places that shown through on all her apps. She got many a rejection, the one from Columbia was the hardest. It was the worst thing that ever happened to her at the time, so you can imagine how her life must have been. 
She DID get accepted to NYU for Public Relations! CHEERS ALL AROUND! She was so excited. She was gonna see the world and be a big city bitch 10/10. In college, she was quickly involved in everything from various clubs, to sorority, to trying to get involved with the community. It didn’t work out as well. New York was just such a different town...in that it was...big. And she wasn’t used to that. 
But she did meet a funky guy named Parker Carson! And they fell in love! And here is a short synopsis of their relationship: 
they met at a department store. Parker looked a little lost in the dress shirt area so she helped him pick out an outfit and the rest was, as they say, history. 
they had a great relationship at first, full of love and passion and fun times. he had a pokemon tattoo, she used to play pokemon snap. what a team! 
but really, they had a great time together...which led them to get married real early. In fact, for Nell, this was even a little late. She thought she’d be married with kids by 23. 
a lot of little things led to their downfall, but it can be boiled down to not fully understanding what it takes to live with another person who doesn’t mesh with your lifestyle. A big issue for Nell was kids. She wanted them, right then and there. He didn’t! No one’s fault, but it seemed to be a block they couldn’t get over. 
they’re divorced now. it’s fresh. she’s got a lot of conflicts about it. She cannot believe she is divorced before 30. she cannot believe she doesn’t have kids by now. She is under the impression she’s run out of time for everything, which is not true at all but it’s how she feels. She’s none too fond of the man at the moment. 
But listen! Nellie is a fun girl! She’s got a lot of ~zest~ for life and likes to do new things and try new places. She’s also just as comfortable spending the day at home on the couch with everything she needs within arms reach. She seems like someone who would be into partying but that’s really not her scene. She’s a brunch girl, a drive-thru movie theater girl, and an all-day 90 day fiance girl. She has an addiction to cherry cokes and always misses her stop on the subway because she gets distracted listening to her music and zoning out. She cries a lot during sad AND happy movies and can’t eat pork because she once knew a pig named Babe (no relation to the famous babe). Her favorite animal is the octopus and she volunteers with the homeless shelter every weekend. 
All of this doesn’t really come across in her work persona. She always seems like she’s extremely put together and very good at what she does. She’s quick, snappy, and not afraid to speak her mind. She’s a master at the backhanded compliment and is the master of the delayed burn (you won’t know you’ve been roasted until she’s down the hallway). She has a very charming way of speaking with a thick southern accent and tons of sayings that no one knows the meaning of, but sometimes that Nice Southern Girl smile comes out and you know she would be stabbing you if such an act were socially acceptable. Despite this, Nellie doesn’t think she’s a mean person. 
But I’m sure there are MANY people who think she is. Because...sometimes she is! No one is perfect, and she definitely has a reputation of being a major pain in the ass if you’re on her bad side. Nell remembers EVERY slight against her. Oh, she remembers when you commented on the amount of emails she sends. She remembers when you mentioned that you thought her font type was a little too bold. She remembers it all...and stores it in her mental burn book. 
This also happens often because she is...pretty sensitive. And because she’s going through a divorce, which is NOT what she had planned for in life, she’s like a stubbed toe away from a full cry every day. She’s started to invest in waterproof mascara but it’s not working out. She really DID cry in the bathroom over her yogurt. She also came back the next day and wrote a VERY angry letter on the fridge titled ‘to the person who likes to take things that don’t belong to them, I hope your mother knows she raised a THIEF.’
As petty as she can be, she’s also a great person to have in your corner. If you’re a friend, she will fight for you to the end. She’s very loyal and will often drop whatever she’s doing if you need her. She can be very generous, no expenses spared to lift up someone she loves. If you’re a friend of hers, she’s a great friend. The kind you can call at 2 am when she’s dead asleep and she’ll still come help you move out of your shitty ex’s apartment. 
Basically, Nell is a whole lot of things. Not all of them are great. But she likes to think of herself as a good person that cares about other people. She generally is! She’s also fairly good at having heart to heart conversations, and isn’t afraid to own her mistakes if she’s not still upset about the issue. But she’ll also try to ruin your career if you steal her yogurt. Fun! 
I’ll add more as I think of it, but for now I’m here for all the plots. Best friends, enemies, the person who caught her crying in the bathroom, the person who caught her angrily scribbling her name on all her yogurt, you name it! 
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hosts-of-valyria · 3 years
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King Aegon Targaryen, born Nymeros Martell, and Queen Sansa Targaryen, née Stark, of King's Landing, the Crownlands and Dragonstone
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Marriage through love. Two political geniuses: Rulers of the richest and healthiest kingdom. Strongest Army in Westeros: Standing Army 90,000 soldiers of House Targaryen. Removal and cremation of the Iron Throne by Rhaegar Targaryen through wildfire. Installation of two normal thrones.
Strongest force in Westeros in times of Independence. Fleet of House Targaryen: 300 ships in the capital. 500 ships at Dragonstone
Death of Petyr Baelish by Arya Stark while attempting to kill Aegon Targaryen
Parents of Jaehaerys and Rickard Stark-Targaryen, Admirals of the Fleets of House Targaryen, In the fight against piracy on the high seas. Captivity of Euron Greyjoy, by Sansa and Aegon.
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Rickard: Sansa's demeanor
Jaehaerys: Aegon's hair and demeanor
Asha, Theon, Sansa and Aegon vs. Euron Greyjoy
"I say Euron's head should be chopped off for the madness he brings. He is a looter. He cut his men's tongues out in his drug addiction because he needed silence. The Ironborn here in Westeros are no longer looting. But Euron thinks he has to play pirate. This man is a madman", called Jaehaerys.
Rickard led Euron ahead of Aegon and Sansa, "I'm not a doctor or a psychologist, but he uses drugs. But Euron is still a bloody madman. He loots everywhere he goes."
"Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to marry the most beautiful queen. But I only see a power-hungry cunt. Just as a greedy cunt like the Dragon Queen and Lion Queen. I think I call this red-haired bitch Wolfs Cunt, the silver-haired whore in Meereen is the Dragons Cunt and the most power- hungry whores of them all are the blonde Lannister whore, the dornish whore, your whore mother and your whore aunt", said Euron to Sansa.
Theon and Asha slapped him in the face, "we two can kill you here and now too wanker!"
Cersei, Cathelyn, Elia and Lyanna laughed out loud, "and you're a drug addict pimp."
Aegon laughed out loud, "haha wow ah all right, then I am the brood of dragons who fucks the Wolfs Cunt. My sister Rhaenys is the meanest, vicious snake of them all and King Robb is a desperate cock banging a dornish pussy. My brother Jon is a little fucker who is addicted to big dornish tits and Arianne is a small, smelly bitch. You are just a failure in life Euron. How many drugs did you take, Euron?"
Jon, Robb, Rhaenys and Arianne laughed out loud, "oh we only fuck out of lust for power. Sex is power? Do you actually hear what shit and madness you are talking about?"
Sansa laughed out loud, "haha. Ok fine wow all right then from now on I am the red-haired Wolfs Cunt that spreads the legs for a dragon cock, my aunt Lyanna is the northern Wolfs Slut and my mother smells like fish between her legs. And you're a little mackerel, Euron."
Lyanna and Catelyn laughed out loud. Sansa sat down in front of Euron, "I'm still going nuts, do you think a woman thinks this behavior is cool? One day there must be an end to royalty. No more queens and kings. Thank you now my family has to build me up again because you have become insulting, now we have to talk to each other again that the insults were not meant seriously. Thanks Euron for nothing, you have no qualifications. Now Rhaenys has to reassure Jon that the insult was not meant seriously. Who actually brings madness here? Just because you don't want to have anything to do with your family doesn't give you the right to judge others Greyjoy. Just because you don't want to have anything to do with Asha and Theon doesn't give you the right to act like an asshole. I'll tell you something, whoever wants to fuck has to be friendly, Euron. Being friendly and courteous is perceived as attractive. You wanna fuck. Then you have to be kind and leave the drugs off. What do you have to offer me, what could i use what you have? Oh what could you offer me Euron, I already have your ships. Asha and Theon have the Iron Fleet and not you. As Jaehaerys said you cut your men's tongues out, why should I want anything from you? You can't offer me anything, why should I give you title or power when you lack all qualifications, I wouldn't benefit from it. I don't have such a big heart that I give power for free. This bitch here likes ships like Dany, she also has many ships in Essos and Cersei and Myrcella also have a vast fleet at Casterly Rock. Everyone loves Myrcella and Trystane in Casterly Rock. Even Cersei is worshiped in Casterly Rock. Tommen and Joffrey are worshiped in Storm's End, Joffrey is a good Storm King with Bella as the Storm Queen and Tommen is a shining and strong knight like Jaime in Storm's End, Lancel is a good knight in our service nobody laughs at the Lannisters. Yes, I like power, I like to be powerful, Daenerys likes it, Cersei likes it. As long as there is no madness, everything is fine and Daenerys does not burn people in Essos. It is really awesome to be successful. Yes, it's ok if I'm not loved by everyone, I also accept dislike, when people call me a power-hungry cunt. I'm a good queen nonetheless, and so is Daenerys in Meereen. Your men are going back to Queen Asha to the Iron Isles, she is significantly richer than you. Oh poor boy I don't fuck losers. Why should I give power for free, I also worked for my power, nothing was given to me, I owe this success to me alone and that feels so nice. Why should I hire you as captain in the fleet of House Targaryen when you loot and murder. My sons go to sea and are far better captains and admirals than you could ever be. What could you offer me, Cersei or Daenerys? Cersei is right, if you want a queen, earn her. If you want a whore, buy one. Daenerys is absolutely right, it must finally be over that the Ironborn plunder, and Asha now has power, wealth and prosperity. You're coming in captivity here in the Red Keep and I'm writing that to Daenerys in Essos. You commit crimes on the high seas and I tell her that. Cersei is a good, wise and powerful queen in Casterly Rock, and she is beautiful, the problem is the Iron Throne is gone, Winterfell has a throne and knows the Crown of the North, Casterly Rock has a throne and knows the Crown of the Westerlands whose name is Lannister, Pyke has a throne and knows a crown. Rhaenys is a good, wise and beautiful queen in the north. The kingdoms were independent before Aegon the Conquer. I am not the only attractive woman. Asha isn't unattractive either, she's attractive in her own way, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Success makes you attractive when you are passionate about something in life, when you want to achieve something. If a woman says no to sex, that's okay; if a man says no to sex, that's okay. Women can also rape men."
Sansa looked at Euron.
"Let's be absolutely honest, Daenerys is also beautiful and powerful, and a good and wise queen in Meereen who ended slavery without wanting to benefit from it. Daenerys is beautiful too, and very happy with Daario and Rhaego and her dragons. Do you think Dany gives power for free when she doesn't benefit from it? Let's think about what you could offer Daenerys, Cersei or me. What could you offer, Euron? Your penis? Maybe Theon should cut your penis off, would you want that? Use your hands when you want to jerk off. Asha deserves to be Queen of Pyke and Theon knows it, she is a good Queen. My sons are much more successful in life than you are. Why should Aegon give you power when he doesn't benefit from it. You are insulting my husband and the king I love. I have every right to hate and kill you. This is still the father of my children. I definitely don't need you Euron. Think about it, the Ironborn have prosperity and wealth without looting. Asha and Theon have almost more money than me and Aegon, from their alliance with Daenerys in Meereen. Asha has almost more money than Cersei. What do you want, asshole? You are still the uncle and should be proud to see that the Ironborn have a future without fighting. Balon and Aeron would be very proud to see Asha and Theon now. The Ironborn build their power without pillage. You're not going anywhere anymore, Euron. We'll send you to the Citadel in Oldtown for the next few days, there you can get clean of your drug addiction. Now everyone can laugh at you, you've done drugs. Asha and Theon have done enough for you, you are a grown man. This is my family and friends, you have no right to act like an asshole here. We'll lock you up and you'll be taken to Oldtown in the next few days. Sick, insane pig."
Robb, Rhaenys, Jon, Arianne, Lyanna, Elia, Cersei, Cathelyn, Asha, Theon, Aegon, Jaehaerys and Rickard laughed aloud about Euron.
Theon and Asha led Euron away, "we have something to talk about, asshole."
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Sansa and Aegon looked at Rickard and Jaehaerys, "take him to the dungeons, it will be time for him to sober up."
Rhaenys hugged Jon, "you know that I always support you Jon."
Cersei and Catelyn hugged, "I'm coming to Casterly Rock with Rickon and Lyanna Mormont, she wants to see the wonders of the Lannisters."
Aegon, Catelyn, Lyanna and Jon hugged Sansa, "everything's OK with you", she nodded, "everything OK."
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devnicolee · 4 years
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The Chosen Ones (2)
A/N: I hate how long it has taken me to write anything new! But I am really excited about this series (hope y’all still are) so I am going to keep writing it. This definitely classifies as a slow burn FYI. But the timeline for the story is short. Hope you enjoy it! 
Word Count: 10,603
The soft clicks of Asha’s sandals filled the silent halls of the palace as she walked toward her brother's office. Her early morning summons left a sour taste in her mouth and a disgruntled look on her face at having to get up even earlier than she needed to for their meeting with Lord M’Baku; but she begrudgingly obliged her brother’s request. Dark clouds stole the natural light that would have usually provided the corridors with a warm glow causing the journey to fill more ominous than usual. She didn't understand what it was, her inability to shake this anxiety she felt since Killmonger. She knew it was just her. The rest of the country and palace seemed to return to business as usual since T'Challa reclaimed his throne. She, however, felt like everything around her was changing. And that was perhaps because, thanks to her siblings, it was.
Though her life amounted to little more than an imprisonment, Asha had grown used to her simple, peaceful and quiet life cooped up in her room, the palace gardens or the library. A life as peaceful, quiet and mundane as the constraints of royalty would allow it to be, of course. She had little desire to change that and potentially destroy her family in the process. But now it seemed as though everyone else had other plans for her future, plans to make it the opposite of mundane, quiet, and ordinary.
Has the power of King gone to his head?
She wondered as she navigated the nonstop demands he lobbed at her as of late. It seemed as if, in addition to the powers of the Black Panther, T'Challa had another superpower: the ability to know when Asha had more than five minutes of alone time. She could not retreat to her bedroom for long before he was calling her to review treaties and paperwork, go over official requests from the Council or citizens as part of her new role as "political adviser to the King." She didn't understand why he was going to such lengths for a fake position, something that she knew only existed to make her feel valued and included.
Her smile brightened when she turned the corner to see Okoye outside of T'Challa's office. 
"Good morning, General."
"My princess," Okoye nodded and saluted her before her body relaxed out of its usual rigid stance and a small but clear smile fell on her features. "He is expecting you."
"Thank you," Asha smiled. "Oh wait, I need to check with Nakia but you are still free for girl’s night after the state dinner, yes?" 
Asha laughed lightly at Okoye’s look of disgust at the phrase "girl’s night." But it had become their tradition over the years, the group would get together after official events and parties to update Asha on the night's events, any new gossip and drama. She knew Okoye found the name and custom somewhat childish but she was a constant at the gatherings nonetheless.
"Of course, I'll be there."
"Perfect, have a good day, Okoye," she said before opening her brother’s office door. 
Asha truly valued the relaxed and loving relationship she shared with Okoye. She was cold to almost everyone except the Royal Trio but she always seemed to have an especially soft spot for Asha. Asha was blessed to have big sisters in her and Nakia, people outside of the Golden Tribe to turn to when the solitude transformed from sanctuary to prison.
Her brother’s back was turned to her as she approached his desk.
"If your idea of being king is just dragging me out of bed then perhaps we should have left Killmonger in charge?"
He turned to offer her an eye roll and a playful glare.
"Too soon sister... too soon. My wounds have barely healed."
She lifted her hand in surrender before starting to sit down in the chair across from him.
"No, don't sit! We are not staying, I have something to show you." 
He ushered her back out of the door and into the hallway.
The journey was quick, literally two doors down the hall to an office near his.
"The reason for this early morning meeting is to show you this," he said as he opened the door to a spare office. 
Asha smiled at the childlike enthusiasm and excitement in his eyes. And so, she tried her best to hide her confusion when she looked around at the decorated office. It was beautiful, clearly he put a lot of effort into its decoration: the red and gold decor and gold-trimmed office furniture. But still, Asha did not understand why she needed to be there for this.
"This is nice! Will this be Nakia’s office?" She asked as she looked around the room, highlighting the only logical purpose for using the space. "Shouldn’t you have decorated it green though? For the River Tribe? Though it is the thought that counts I suppose. But next time, ask for my advice earlier."
The office was beautiful, yes, but certainly not Nakia’s style.
T’Challa let out an exasperated laugh, "You are one of the smartest people in this family and are still the most clueless. This is not Nakia’s office, it is yours. Your favorite color, paintings of your favorite place in Wakanda and by your favorite artist, pictures of us and Shuri, views of the gardens, your favorite flowers on the table?" he listed, finally drawing her attention to all the things that would make this office for her and not her brother’s girlfriend.
"Wait what? I mean it is thoughtful and beautiful but why do I need an office?" she asked bewildered as she examined the space more closely, finding even more personal touches. 
There was a fireplace, which was not actually needed anywhere else in the palace. Little golden panther and rhinos found their home on the fireplace’s mantle. She even spied a picture of T’Challa and W’Kabi next to a few of the border rhinos, her favorite animal since a young age, on a side table.
"Yes, you have a real job now. You are cementing your place in the tribe. And as liaison with the Jabari and political adviser to the King, you need a real space to work. It requires an office. Shuri and I worked on it for the last few days, everything is reinforced with vibranium to make them fire-resistant by the way."
She snorted, "'Political adviser to the king?' The title and position you made up to make me feel included and important?"
"Every ruler has advisers, Asha. It is a new position, yes. But one with very real work to utilize your genius. You spent half your life cooped up in the library reading books. You know so much more than Shuri or I about our history, our allies and our enemies. You have a far better mind for politics than I… or baba, I imagine. A good king utilizes the people who know the things he does not. And so, as an adviser, I expect to see you in this office every day, understand?"
Asha rolled her eyes. First her father forced her into isolation and now her siblings were forcing her out of it. 
Why is no one content with simply leaving me alone?
"Yes, my king," she answered.
"Perfect. This is a good thing, Asha, I promise. Besides, I also want you to help me figure out how to undo the damage father has done, help me with a project... change public opinions ab-"
He was unable to finish when Alexis poked her head in. 
"Apologies my king and princess but Hasani is here to see you. He has been looking for you."
Asha's heart immediately sank, she lacked the will and energy to deal with her intended. However, she knew him well enough to know that it would invite further troubles to turn him away. 
"Yes, please send him in. Thank you."
She went to the small mirror and quickly checked over herself and her outfit, refusing to give him any reason to criticize something about her today. 
"Be nice, T'Challa," she whispered as she fixed the high pony her braids were in. She chuckled lightly at the look of pure disgust coloring her usually mild-tempered brother's face. "I will settle for a lack of open hostility then," she muttered after acknowledging his inaudible no.
Hasani wasted little time before barging into her office. He was aesthetically gorgeous, the epitome of the American adage: tall, dark and handsome. His face was pulled into a permanent scowl but he knew how to turn on the charm and pull out his award-winning smile when required. Aside from T'Challa, he was considered one of the most eligible bachelors in Wakanda. Women in the Merchant Tribe were in an Olympic-style race to gain his affections, to be the last one standing. His courtship with the Princess? A mere hurdle to jump over for many. Their relationship did little to curtail the women vying for his affection, nor had it stopped Hasani from accepting their advances.
"T'Challa," he greeted, not bothering to address his king by his proper title or salute. 
If looks could kill, the young man's soul would have been halfway to meet Bast in person. However, her brother quickly recovered and maintained his cool, understanding that Hasani wanted a rise out of him.
Hasani knew the two siblings in the Golden Trio despised him. But it was clear to all parties involved that he did not care. 
"Asha," he greeted her shortly. "I would like to speak alone."
"Uh, yes... of course. Brother, could we get a few moments alone?"
T'Challa nodded, "Yes, we have a meeting in 10 minutes in preparation for your trip and meetings with Lord M'Baku. Shuri has sent everything you need to get started to your tablet and beads." 
The hug he bestowed was quick and the head nod in Hasani's direction barely noticeable as he made his exit. Asha was thankful to him and Bast for the out her brother just gave her. She only had to suffer for 10 minutes before she had an excuse to get him out of her office.
"Lord M'Baku?" Hasani asked disgusted. "Why on Earth would you have a meeting with him?"
Asha sat down on the edge of her desk, "I am surprised your mother did not mention it. He is a member of the Council now and he and the King tasked me with serving as a liaison to the Jabari as they integrate into Wakanda."
"I don’t know why those savages would want to join nor why T’Challa would let them."
Asha’s face pulled up in frustration at his bias toward the Jabari. "They are not savages. Living differently and valuing different things does not mean they are less Wakandan. And that is the point of these meetings, to lea-."
"Very well. Just ensure it does not interfere with our engagement announcement. My mother has spent a great deal of time coming up with a plan," he interrupted her, seemingly bored by and uninterested in her new project and job.
Asha went back and forth mentally on whether it was worth it to inquire about this plan. She knew she needed to know the details, despite not being consulted on it in the first place. But she did not want to prolong this or spend anymore time with Hasani than she needed to prior to their marriage. She always thought that arranged marriages were primitive. For a country as advanced as Wakanda, she could not fathom why her father would essentially give her away when she was too young to choose or consent herself. And now she would never get an answer. Though she supposed she would be ungrateful to complain, she would not find someone to marry and love on her own, not in these circumstances. But she knew she was not signing up for eventual love and potential happiness. These were things a marriage to Hasani could never bring her.
To her father's credit, he pushed off their official courtship as long as he could, citing her "illnesses" and poor health. She knew it had far more to do with maintaining his lies than her happiness. But she wasn't complain. However, months earlier, Elder Shani demanded he stop pushing and her freedom ceased.
The early days of their courtship were complicated, proof that the web of lies her father had weaved was not sustainable. Everyone else knew it, that the web would unravel eventually... everyone except him. Elder Shani was never shy in spreading her doubt that nothing was physically wrong with the young princess, that her isolation or the delay of their marriage was due to something entirely different. She certainly wasn’t the only person across the country who conjured conspiracy theories as to what was actually wrong with her, being a mutant was at the top of the list. She was surprised that the charade lasted as long as it did. But she guessed the palace staff who knew the truth also knew that her father was not a ruler to be trifled with. Underneath his kind disposition, there was certainly a figurative fire and ruthlessness that most people knew to avoid.
Their initial dates and visits were brief and supervised but still pleasant. She enjoyed his company, was taken by his thoughtfulness and empathy. He seemed perfect initially.
However, after a small argument about her not wanting to go on a date outside the palace walls, Hasani confirmed his mother’s suspicions that his future wife was not sick at all. She was a mutant.
Asha hoped his mother would call off the engagement, she hated mutants after all. But instead, she realized that, for some, greed and power were far more motivating than hate. Shani promised to maintain her secret in exchange for more influence and power on the Council and the position of Commander of the Wakandan military forces for her son. 
It took little time for Asha to realize that any hope that the pair could be happy together was gone, that he inherited his mother's bias toward people like her. Now, of course, she saw the red flags as if they were waving in a sea of white... no longer obscured or hidden. His controlling nature, his abuse, his philandering ways. 
He made it abundantly clear that he would never love her, protect her, or affirm her as a husband should. That was devastating to her at first but like she had done countless times before, she quickly accepted her fate. No amount of prayers or tears would get her out of this one. The chains of her obligations were tight and heavy, restricting her in a dark cell with no hope of escape. She wanted to hate him, cast him as the villain in all this. And in some ways, he was. But he was just as burdened by chains as she was, both pawns in their parents’ quests to gain or maintain their grips on power. Every time she saw him, that was all she saw: them chained too far apart to be any comfort to the other in that dark room for the rest of their lives.
"Was anyone going to inform me of this plan?
"I am informing you now," he answered coolly. "First, I will be your date to the Caanan state dinner this weekend. You will attend my mother's birthday party the week after the announcement, you will accompany on tours of the Merchant Tribe's provinces so the people can meet you."
"I-I was not planning on attending the dinner on Satur-"
"I was not asking," he snapped. "We are going. I need to begin meeting with heads of state. I trust you have something decent to wear? I can't have you looking like this on my arm. You should work out with the Dora before the festival, lose a few pounds."
And there it is. 
Asha knew it was coming, the harsh criticisms and snipes. Every conversation was filled with them. It never mattered what it was: her powers, her appearance, her intellect. Every conversation was a battle and since she was unable to use her only weapon, she always walked away with the wounds and bruises.
"I did not realize I needed to lose weight," she mumbled, looking down at her body. She tried not to let his words bother her, after all this was pretty commonplace at this point in their relationship. She could feel the panther beating against her cage, baring her teeth, body filled with the desire to attack the person hurting her owner. But she thanked Bast that the bars around the monster were thick. Killing her intended would not help her case much.
"Well, you do. And I assume you will wear those to ensure there are no issues at any of these events? Do not embarrass me."
Her eyes flickered away from his as the threatening tone of her last statement settled in her mind. Physically, there was nothing he could do to hurt her and he knew it. But emotionally, there was all sorts of damage he could cause and he knew that too.
Asha nodded, eyes trained on the ground. "Yes, I will wear them. As I always do."
"Good, I cannot have you revealing your illness to the entire tribe and dragging my name into the gutter with you."
"Yes, I understand. Is that all, Hasani?" she asked quietly, desperate to get him out of her office, to be alone.
"Yes. I will see you on Saturday. Do not be late."
He got up without saying goodbye and stalked out of her office. Tears stung the back of her eyes as his words oscillated through her head. She lifted her eyes to the ceiling, refusing to let any fall for him.
Useless… an embarrassment.
She shook her head, not wanting to contemplate all the times she heard those words before or fall down the rabbit hole of painful memories. She took a few deep breaths, trying to bring her emotions back to neutral. She didn't want T'Challa to see her like this, give him any more reasons to hate Hasani.
Once she felt more in control of the beast within, she gathered her tablet and walked across the hall to her brother's office. She had a trip to prepare for and time wouldn’t wait for her to get it together.
***
Tuesday arrived faster than Asha anticipated and now instead of being cooped up in her library, she was zooming through the mountains toward Jabariland. This is a far more enjoyable way to travel here, she thought to herself, thinking back on her first journey there on foot. She enjoyed the views as Ayo flew them toward the Great Lodge. Immediately, Asha thought to the times Baba was out of the country and T'Challa and Shuri would take her out in the Royal Talon. They would fly around and just marvel at the beautiful landscapes of Wakanda: the rainforest, the rushing waterfalls, the vast sun-kissed fields, the snow-capped mountains. Every trip, they found a new hidden gem, a spot secluded enough for Asha to see but for no one to see her, the rare opportunity to experience the country she called home. 
The mountains were the one spot they couldn't venture too far into so now was her chance. She did wish Shuri and T'Challa were there with her. There first trip here was rushed and emotional, there was little time to soak in the sights. But selfishly, she liked that there would finally be a place in Wakanda she could truly experience first. She looked out the Talon windows at the forests to see a fresh blanket of undisturbed snow covering every tree.
"We are here, your highness," Ayo called from her position in the cockpit. 
Asha tore her eyes from the forest to her left as the plane settled on a small cliff. She nodded, a wave of nausea washed over her. Her anxiety settled in her stomach like a small ball as the end of their journey arrived. She was surprised at how quickly the ride transitioned from peaceful to nerve wrecking due to one simple sentence. Now instead of venturing farther into this winter paradise, she just wanted to turn around and scurry back to the comfort of her palace. The stakes were unbearably high for her... her first official task representing the Golden Tribe. She couldn't mess it up.
"Thank you, Ayo. See you in a few days." 
She motioned for Alexis to follow her down the ramp into the snow-covered cliff. The familiar smell of ash immediately invaded her senses and the cold air hit her hard initially as she stepped off the ramp. Her body quickly jump started its own heating system, her flames brewing beneath the surface causing the frigid cold to become pleasant within seconds. She felt bad disrupting the soft snow, hearing the soft crunch beneath her feet as they approached a small group of Jabari waiting for them. She regarded the young man at the head of the pack with great interest, controlling her facial expression to hide her disappointment that a certain someone was not a part of her welcoming party. She shouldn’t be surprised though given the coldness she experienced from him in their meeting earlier that week.
"Good afternoon your highness. Welcome to Jabariland. My name is N'Danna, I am Lord M'Baku's personal adviser. He regrets that he was unable to retrieve you himself, he is tied up in meetings this evening. However, he will see you in the morning for breakfast. One of our guards, Kide," he motioned behind him as a stone-faced young man stepped forward, "will be escorting you during your stay. Anything you need at all, please let him know. This way, your highness."
Asha nodded, "Thank you!" 
She offered him a soft smile before following behind him. Daylight was starting to fade, giving way to the soft yellows and oranges of sunset before the darkness of nightfall. She glanced off to her right and off the cliff her ship landed on. She could see the edge of the village below them and the wooden profile of a larger-than-life statue of Hanuman that held the Great Lodge up on the side of the mountain. She stood for a few minutes, just admiring the sunset over the mountains. Sunsets in Wakanda were unlike anything in the world, she knew they would be equally as breathtaking here.
"This way, your highness," he called again as he walked toward the glass door on the side of the Lodge. Despite her longing, she quickly fell into a step behind him. "Don’t worry, Princess Asha. We have sunsets everyday here, I will make sure we carve out time to see it. They are truly breathtaking."
Asha blushed slightly, her adoration for the view must have been evident to everyone. 
"Thank you, I would appreciate that. We are just very excited to be here," she called after him.
"We are excited to have you. And we will have extra blankets brought to Alexis's room. The cold does take some adjusting."
She glanced at Alexis to see that the woman was indeed shivering, despite being wrapped tightly in a border tribe blanket. Asha nodded and thanked him before silence fell over the group again.
N’Danna briskly walked them to their rooms in the palace, only stopping once when Asha slowed down to see the gardens in the center of the Lodge. She made a mental note to find a spare moment to visit the gardens.
"You should meet the royal gardener as well. I believe you would like him," N’Danna called over his shoulder as he resumed his trek toward the residential wing of the Lodge.
"Here we are. You can go to the dining room for dinner if you choose. However, we are sure you both are tired so we completely understand if you would like it delivered to your room instead. Just let Kide know what you wish to order. Again, anything you should need, do not hesitate to ask."
"Thank you N'Danna." 
They shared salutes before Alexis and Asha retreated to their respective rooms.
Her room was slightly larger than her accommodations the first time around. The bed was certainly inviting, covered with soft black fur blankets. The fire was always lit across the room, not that she needed it. There were gorilla statues across the room and a small one of a panther, which she guessed was added to make them feel at home.
Asha stared at the bed longingly. All she wanted to do was wrap herself in those soft furs, but she remembered the mountain of readings she still needed to complete to be fully prepared for tomorrow. She, instead, settled on the small couch in front of the fire and set to work, refusing to embarrass her brother or herself.
Her stomach growled slightly, making her consider going down to dinner. She wanted to have it delivered to her room but she knew she wouldn't get to see him if she stayed cooped up in her room all night. She couldn't deny the tinge of disappointment that he did not greet her when she arrived. She was sure he had better things to do but she wanted to see him. She hoped he was warmer today than he was the last time they spoke.
Wishful thinking, she thought to herself before redirecting her energy to the work in front of her, shaking her head slightly. She needed to push out all the distractions, immerse herself in her job, that was the only way she would be able to ignore these feelings... the only way to ignore him.
***
"It was rather rude of you not to welcome our guest earlier," N'Danna remarked as he glanced up from the pile of paperwork in front of him.
"I was busy, a day full of meetings," M'Baku responded casually, not taking his eyes off the paper in front of him.
"As yes, your riveting meeting with my father so you could listen to his many complaints about your leadership style... a meeting you had been putting off for a week but mysteriously added to your schedule just this morning. I know you just could not postpone that any further. That, coupled with your coldness on the phone calls with her over the last two weeks... you should be nicer to her, M'Baku. She was quite disappointed that you were not there."
M'Baku rolled his eyes, frustrated by his best friend and adviser’s need to stick his nose and mind every place it did not belong. But his ears did pick up on his last statement. 
She wouldn't have been disappointed if she didn't have feelings for me... right? 
"I was perfectly pleasant to her, despite being a low lander.
"Yes, you were perfectly cold and just shy of being rude to her. But you are right, disappointment does imply feelings and yes, she is quite beautiful," he added slyly at the end.
"I never told you she was beautiful! Stop doing that, my mind is not yours to pick at," he snapped. The corner of N'Danna's lips curled into a slight smile, knowing that his chief's bark held no bite.
"Really? I find that hard to believe given the fact that your mind is just an express train of thoughts about Princess Asha. Everything else is merely a rest stop along the way before you jump back in the conductor's seat. But I understand. Pushing her away to try and stop thinking of her makes sense. It is frustrating."
"You know your psycho-analyzing is not worth much when you are stealing all the information directly from someone’s mind right? I wish you would consider some personal form of policing yourself and those powers of yours. Besides, it doesn't matter what my mind says... she is taken, engaged."
"I cannot turn it off anymore than I can turn off breathing. But I am sorry, I know you don’t like it. Why are you so upset about her engagement if you are not interested in her?"
M’Baku cut his eyes, opting for anger instead of a real conversation with his friend. 
"I can finish the rest of these myself. That is all for this evening N’Danna. Thank you."
N’Danna sighed, "You do not want to talk about it, I understand. But I am the one person you cannot hide from M’Baku, at least not forever. So it would not kill you to actively share every once in a while. Good night."
He nodded as his friend turned and left his office. M’Baku was as annoyed as ever. Two weeks since the Council Meeting, two weeks since he had last laid eyes on her and the tug he had for her had yet to diminish, despite his extensive efforts. He only spoke with her over the phone to avoid looking at her, he was cold toward her during those conversations, he invited a different Jabari woman to his bed almost every night, he refused to welcome her when she landed. So much hard work and thought into the simple act of dampening his feelings toward her. And yet, it was as if the moment her soul entered his home, all his hard work flew out the window as fast as the Talon left Jabariland. He didn't need to physically see her or be in the same room to know she was present and desire nothing else but to be around her. No amount of dispassionate sex, coldness or time seemed to change that.
You can't have her... and even if she was not engaged. You don't deserve her. Why would she want to be with someone ordinary? His subconscious whispered to him. 
He sighed deeply. Why would she want to be with someone like him? There was nothing special about him... nothing extraordinary. He was perfectly average... a part of the group that was not chosen.
She deserved someone just as extraordinary as she was. Someone who understood her gift. And that was not him. He had learned a long time ago how to live with things he cannot change, and accept disappointments. He could do it now too. He did not have a choice.
He shook his head before burying it back in his work. This was the only thing that would help him move on and forget about her.
****
Early evening transitioned into night as Asha worked, checking, double-checking and triple checking the working treaty and paperwork T'Challa sent with her to iron out. She wanted to be able to answer any question he could throw at her, defend any clause or identify a solid solution. She knew that level of attention and detail would show the Jabari that the Golden Tribe cared, that they could offer ideas and then adjust to their way of life. By the time midnight fell, Asha finally felt prepared enough to rest.
Asha knew she could just absorb the fire in the hearth in front of her and have enough energy to not sleep for days but she didn't want to be up staring out the window all night. She watched the snow fall for a bit before deciding that she was too anxious to rest anyways. She paced, contemplated solutions before she realized that staying in this room would not cure her anxiety but a late-night visit to the library could. She pulled on her shoes and a light sweater and crept out of her room.
After wandering around for a bit, she realized she had no idea where she was heading. She was hoping to easily find her way back to the library but she seemed to be just walking aimlessly. She was so in her head that she did not hear footsteps approaching until they were directly behind her.
"Your highness?"
"Oh my Bast!" she yelped, turning around quickly to find N’Danna standing behind her. 
She clutched her chest as she tried to right herself, slightly embarrassed for being so easily shaken in front of a high ranking member of the tribe and a few soldiers.
"I am sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just heading home for the evening and thought I heard someone." he offered. 
She was slightly surprised at the warm reception she was getting, the lack of confusion over her ambling around their palace at night. He didn’t seem confused or annoyed by it. Instead, he just eyed her with gentleness and curiosity.
"No, no. Please do not apologize. I should be apologizing, wandering around at night. It was rude of me. I was just hoping to find th-"
"The library?" he finished for her. 
She blinked a few times at him, confused as to how he would know that. 
"I am happy to show you before I leave. I was just finishing up some work with Lord M’Baku in his office." He motioned for her to follow him down the hall.
"He always works this late?" she asked curiously, wondering why he was not asleep at an hour like this. 
Well he was not asleep the first night you met him either. A night owl, she thought to herself.
"Yes, our chief has always been a bit of a night owl. But there is so much behind the scenes work to rejoining Wakanda as you will see during this trip, treaties and such to draft, negotiate, etc. More than just attending a council meeting every month. So, he has been quite busy since the initial meeting. Likely why he asked for your help, we certainly need it."
It doesn’t seem like it, she thought to herself.
N’Danna laughed, seemingly at nothing. "I know, I know. It does not seem like it given his attitude. But you must excuse him. He can be rough and cold around the edges to outsiders, er… well Jabari outsiders. He is just protective of the tribe."
"Understandable. Well, I am happy to be here… excited to be here, truly. I do not want anyone to think I am coming here to change the Jabari. I am just here to serve in whatever capacity he and T’Challa need," she offered politely, choosing to ignore how the man managed to seemingly read her thoughts again.
N’Danna smiled, "We appreciate such willing-"
A door to their left swung open as Lord M’Baku stuck his head out of a door. 
"N’Danna? Did you forget some-" his words faltered and he fell silent as his gaze shifted to Asha. 
There was a pregnant pause as the trio simply stared at each other. Or rather, Asha and M’Baku stared at each other while N’Danna’s eyes bounced playfully between the pair like he was intently watching a riveting tennis match. A small knowing smile graced his face and he swayed slightly on his heels with anticipation, waiting for one of them to say something and seemingly enjoying their growing distress.
"No, I ran into the Princess as she was trying to find the library, I was just taking her that way," he answered, ending their misery.
M’Baku’s eyes narrowed, words returning to his voice and a knowing expression filling them. 
"But the library is in the opposite direction? Did you forget where it was?" 
N’Danna was not slick, M’Baku knew exactly what he was doing and he was not amused.
"Yes, I thought she would enjoy the scenic route," he answered casually, unbothered by the death glare he was receiving from his best friend and chief.
"The scenic route?" M'Baku repeated. 
That leads her right by my office? He added in his head, knowing his best friend would hear it.
"The scenic route," N'Danna affirmed quietly, choosing to ignore the mental earful he was getting from his chief. "But it seems she is now in far more capable hands than I. Lord M’baku was just considering having a nightcap before retiring for the evening. Perhaps you can join him so he doesn't have to drink alone? You wanted to try Jabari rum yes? M’Baku has the best in his office."
Asha stared between the ground and M’Baku, torn between wanting to say yes and spend time with him and wanting to escape back to her room. 
"Uhhh yes… if you are free. But if not, I will just find my way back to my room."
"No!" he almost shouted at her, his annoyance at N’Danna dissipating at the thought of spending time alone with her. 
He knew it was pointless, what was the point in spending time with a woman pledge to marry someone else? He was dedicated to his mission to be as cold as he could but it was clear that was doomed from the start. His yearning for her only seemed to magnify, not shrink. He had not thought of anyone else but her all evening. He just wanted to be around her, learn about her, and soak up everything there was to know about her. It was selfish, he knew that. But he didn’t particularly care. 
"I would love some company and he is right, I do have the best rum in the mountains."
"That is an offer I cannot refuse. Thank you N’Danna," Asha said, smiling at him. 
He nodded with a smile, saluting M’Baku before briskly walking back in the direction he came. Asha stared at his back for a few minutes, trying to figure out what struck her about him… something odd. Not dangerous, just odd… it was as if he knew everything.
She walked into M’Baku’s office and immediately took in the smell. It smelled like him, which made a sigh of contentment almost escape her lips.
"Have a seat, please," he offered, motioning to the chair on the other side of his desk. "Apologies for my adviser. He has a knack for sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong."
He turned away from her, pouring her a glass and handing it to her.
"No need to apologize. He is very sweet... and helpful. He seems to know what I need before I even ask it," she laughed lightly.
"Yes, he... um... he has a certain knack for that I suppose. Well, let us raise a glass to new partnerships and new beginnings," he offered as he prompted her to raise her glass.
"To new partnerships and beginnings," she repeated before their glasses clinked and she took a sip.
"Many new beginnings for you. Are you excited for your engagement?" he asked. Asha paused before answering, detecting the thinly veiled bitterness in his tone.
"Uhh… yes, I suppose. Hasani is a good man, and will be leader of the Merchant Tribe. It is a good match."
"'You suppose...' 'It is a good match,'" M'baku repeated back to her. "Not necessarily what one would want to hear before getting engaged. What about love?"
"It is an arranged marriage… we do not love each other," she scoffed quickly. 
Her eyes clamped shut immediately as she realized what she said. It was highly inappropriate to disparage her intended to another member of the Council. But there was some small part of her, a part she did not particularly understand, that needed him to know that this was not her choice, that she was a prisoner in all this.
"I-I am sorry, I should not speak like that to you as a member of the Council. Hasani is a great person. I pray Bast blesses us with a happy and prosperous life together."
Asha looked him in his eyes as she spoke and that made it so much harder. There was something in them that begged her to be vulnerable, to be honest, that pleaded with her to fall into the sea of him. And she wanted to... Bast she wanted to. But that was the issue with falling, the high of it was beautiful, thrilling. It fills you with inexplicable euphoria. But you never know what awaits you at the bottom: a calm oasis that envelops you in safety and warmth or the rough waves and jagged edges of rocks that end the thrill with deafening pain. Asha had no idea what awaited her at the bottom, in the sea that was Lord M'Baku, and the risks were too high to find out.
M'Baku let out a deep sigh but nodded, respecting her wishes not to be honest. But he saw it: the crack in her ironclad demeanor. He could tell he struck a nerve... the bright smile in her eyes that immediately fell at the mention of her engagement, the quickness of which she corrected him about the reasons behind it, the clearly forced words when she caught herself being too honest. But this girl's walls were high, and he was slowly putting the puzzle pieces of why together. It would take more than a few stolen moments in the dark in a library to break them down.
"No need to apologize, your highness. An arranged marriage though? How primitive. I would think the Golden Tribe would be more progressive. Are T’Challa and Nakia?"
"You would think wouldn’t you? And yes originally but they fell in love on their own, T'Challa encouraged her to become a War Dog... they drifted apart but love eventually helps things drift back together in the end. But things with T'Challa and Nakia were not as complicated."
"Because she is not gifted?"
Asha sighed, putting the glass down before responding, "Yes... it just complicates everything, every interaction and relationship. A nuisance I would not wish on my worst enemy," she muttered, more to herself than him, as she picked up her glass to take another sip. "This is very delicious by the way. Thank you."
He raised his glass in response. "So is that nuisance why you wear those rings?" He gestured down at her hands.
She sighed, "Yes. Without them... without them, I wouldn't be able to control it. I could hurt people, it- I am dangerous."
"You believe you are dangerous?"
She held his gaze for a moment, before it became too overwhelming and she looked back down at the cup of rum in her hand. She tilted the glass back and forth, watching the brown liquid moving around her wooden cup as she stared.
"You don’t?" She asked softly. "I could injure or kill someone without a second thought. You don’t think that makes me dangerous?"
"I think Hanuman doesn’t create weapons… I don’t worship Bast so I cannot speak for her but I would like to think she would not either. The Chosen are here to help elevate, advance or protect the Jabari and Wakanda. Yes, all of their gifts can be used as weapons when needed but that is their choice. Powers only become dangerous when we fail to foster the beauty in it. It seems no one has taken the time to foster the beauty of your gift. Perhaps that is why you feel that way?"
He doesn’t know what he is talking about. He has never seen what you can do. How you can hurt people.
"Perhaps. But very few people are willing to risk their lives for that, especially for us with powers capable of hurting others. Wakanda will never accept mutants, never consider them as anything other than a danger. Tolerate? Avoid open hostility? Maybe… But what you’re talking about? Respect, admiration... That will not happen in my lifetime. I can't even fathom what that would be like."
"Is that why you haven't read that book yet?"
Asha's eyes snapped up to look at her host, surprise coloring her face. 
“How did you know?” 
She didn't get it, how he knew her...saw her so clearly and vividly. She didn't want to admit he was right... that book that she had opened several times, read a few pages about the reverence the Jabari held for mutants only to close it angrily. The longing for a different life, a different custom too painful to bear.
He chuckled, “It was not that big of a leap to be honest. I figured if you read it, you have questions, want to know more about them. Since you haven’t asked about the Chosen yet, I took a stab in the dark.”
"I-I wanted to read it... I just haven't had the opportunity. I can give it back, I have had it too long, I suppose." 
She avoided his eyes, opting to stare at a portrait of a couple across from her seat. She assumed they were his parents, both shared a striking resemblance to the man before her.
"No... I gave it to you. Keep it, until the opportunity arises." She nodded, refusing to catch his eye.
They sat in silence for a few moments, M'Baku staring a hole into her side of her face as she actively avoided his gaze. 
"Well, thank you for the drink Lord M'Baku but I think I should retire for the evening. It is getting late."
"O-of course. Amari will show you back to your room." He quickly stood up and ushered her toward the door. They saluted each other before she turned to walk down the hall behind his personal guard.
"Princess Asha!"
She heard her name behind her causing her to turn around. She was secretly thankful, unready to say goodbye to him just yet. She turned around quickly, facing him again. 
"I go on a morning walk every day. W-w-would you like to join me?" he stammered slightly, his nerves getting the best of him.
She smiled softly, having to bite down the immediate yes that almost fell from her lips. She knew it likely was not a good idea, spending more time with him would not help her. But simultaneously, she desired to be around someone who thought so highly of her.
"Y-yes, Lord M’Baku. I would like that very much."
He nodded before sliding back into the door frame of his office. "Good. Goodnight, your highness."
They saluted each other before she turned back down the hall with his guard leading the way, a bright small on her face as she went.
****
Asha tossed and turned throughout the night. She didn’t mind the lack of sleep except that the nights dragged on without it. She instead spent most of the night replaying her conversation with M’Baku in her head. She wished she could go back and relive it over and over again. She checked her beads every ten minutes it seemed to see if they were any closer to their morning date.
It’s not a date! She screamed at herself. Engaged princesses can’t go on dates.
Fine, not a date. A friendly walk between acquaintances? Friends. She settled on quickly. That is what they were… friends. It sounded far less appealing than how she truly wanted him. But that was all she could get. He didn’t feel that way about her, and even if he did, she had a fiancee in the way.
She huffed and flopped over in bed, annoyed with the voice of logic in her brain. She stared intently at the ceiling.
The guard told her that Lord M’Baku typically took his walk at sunrise. She waited and waited and waited until the alarm on her kimoyo beads, set to alert her 30 minutes prior to sunrise went off. She felt absurd, the way she nearly catapulted out of bed the moment her alarm rang in the still air once. But thankfully, there was no one around but Bast to witness it.
She threw on her outfit for the walk, a sweater, leggings and snow boots. It was casual but she paired it with some light makeup, like Shuri taught her. She still wanted to look her best.
She pulled half of her braids into a half up, half down style. She pulled her rings back on before examining herself in the mirror.
Asha never considered herself to be beautiful. She wasn’t ugly by far but beautiful? That was Nakia and Okoye… women that men sought after. But today, even she had to admit that she looked good. She adjusted herself in the mirror for one last moment before opening her door to find Kide.
He said nothing, responding to her "good morning" with a polite head nod before heading down the hall. She quickly followed after him, trying to keep up with his brisk pace. Soon, they were at the front of the Lodge. Two guards framed the entrance of the Lodge as Kide led her down the staircase to meet Lord M’Baku.
"Good morning Princess," he said as she approached. 
She replied with the same as she took in his fidgeting hands, the way he moved his weight from one side to the other as he stood, the lack of certainty in his eyes. She wanted to ease his anxiety somehow but how could she when she felt it too? She just was better at hiding it.
They set off down a path to the left of the Lodge. A comfortable silence fell over them as they listened to the rustling in the trees, the early morning calls of birds. They stole glances at each other every few minutes but otherwise, Asha simply enjoyed the walk.
They walked until they reached a small hill overlooking a creek in the forest. It appeared to be a hidden oasis, a picturesque scene plucked straight from a movie.
"This is beautiful," she marveled as they approached the rocks that led to a cliff over the creek.
"I know." 
He motioned toward a few large rocks they could sit on at the top of the hill. He dusted the snow off before she sat down.
“Do you come here often?” She asked as she looked off the hill onto the creek. 
She imagined it looked gorgeous in the summer with lush green grass, full trees and a babbling creek.
“Yes, N’Danna and I found it some time ago. It has been a secret haven for us ever since. He comes more than me though, for the solitude. For when he doesn’t want to hear anymore.”
Asha perked up, eyeing his profile, wondering how much she could probe. 
“Doesn’t want to hear anymore? What does that mean?”
M’Baku smiled slightly, “I am shocked you hadn’t picked up on it by now, as a Chosen yourself. He can read minds… his ‘knack for anticipating your needs.’”
“Ohhhhh.” 
Realization washed over her. She felt stupid really, now every interaction with him made even more sense. She stopped the wave of embarrassment from washing over her as well, refusing to think about what other thoughts he picked up swirling around her head about his chief.
“He wouldn’t bring up anything he heard to you or anyone else, just so you know. But sometimes, constantly hearing is too much for him so this spot helps. For me, it is just peaceful. I know it should be the temple but this is where I come to pray… be one with Hanuman.”
Asha nodded, “When I was young, there was a statue of Bast laying in the Royal Gardens. I used to sit next to her and read or pray and it was the only place in my small world that I thought Bast heard me, actually listened to me.”
M’Baku sensed the sadness in her voice, the tinge of pain in her eyes as she spoke of the past. “‘Used to?’”
“I don’t really pray anymore,” she whispered, pressing her hand into a new patch of snow next to her. M’Baku watched as the snow around her hand immediately melted into a puddle of water, the heat flush under her skin too much to allow it to stay in its solid form. 
“What kind of God curses children as Bast did me? My father used to call it an abomination. It is hard to believe… it is hard to trust in a God who does things like that.” 
“What did your father have against mutants?” 
Asha looked off to the side, her eyes trained on the tree branches weighed heavily with snow. 
“He believed that Bast only ordained one enhanced being in Wakanda… the Black Panther. You are not born with it. By winning the tribal combat, by surviving the visit to the Ancestral Plane… Bast chooses you. Her power, her gift chooses you. You earn it. He took offense to anyone being born with powers he had to earn. It is the opposite of your custom. We were not chosen and so, in his mind, our existence is against her will.” 
“If only you had been born here instead of with the lowlanders. Things would have been different.” 
“Yes, I suppose they would have. But then I wouldn’t have T’Challa and Shuri… Nakia, Okoye and Ayo… Alexis,” she listed. 
M’Baku smiled to himself as he saw her face light up at the list of people she had in her life. It was probably the first genuine smile he had seen on her face when she was talking about home. 
Silence fell over the two as they sat, they watched the sun finish rising high in the sky before M’Baku stood and helped her up. 
“My home life isn’t all tragic and sad, you know?” she said randomly as they found their way back to the trail that would lead them back to the Lodge. “I feel like it may seem that way, given our conversations but there is good there too. My life isn’t overflowing with amazing people, I haven’t really had the opportunity to meet many people honestly. But the people that are there… the love that is there… It is bright, it sustains me through everything. I wish some things were different, it is true. But all of them make my life worth living.”
“I don’t doubt it. I saw your grief, your relief when you saw T’Challa. I imagine there are few siblings with a bond as deep as yours. I don’t mean to judge your life or the lowlanders. I just believe you and people like you deserve more. Which is why I would like to ask you to do something for me as my guest here.” 
“Yes?” 
“I would like you to not wear those rings for the rest of this trip.” 
Her eyes bugged out of her head as his request cycled into her ears and registered in her brain. 
“What? No. No. I am sorry Lord M’Baku but I do not think that is wise. I could lose control… burn your house down, hurt someone. It is too great a risk when I am supposed to be here winning the affections of your people.”   
He laughed, “You think you are so out of sync with your powers that taking those off for a few days would lead to a forest fire? You did not seem to have this many reservations in the library that night? Or was a room full of paper books not as important? You are afraid to truly let your powers show and I understand given the way you were raised. But you are only here for three days… You wish things were different yes? Here they can be. Why spend the next three days hiding when you have to go back to that when you leave? This is the one place in Wakanda that you do not have to hide. Enjoy it.”
His proposition did sound alluring… freedom for more than just a few moments. She was still hesitant though. She hadn’t been without her rings for more than a day or two since she was a teenager. And had she become so accustomed to pretending to be someone else that she forgot how to be herself? She never learned how to effectively use her powers, she didn’t even know the extent of them. Hell, she had no idea she could float, possibly fly, until her breakdown after T’Challa’s death. How many more abilities did she have that she didn’t even know about. Was now, as a guest in someone else’s home the best time to find out? 
What other time or opportunity would you have? You certainly can’t do so at home. He is right, now is the rare moment to be free. 
Her slender fingers fiddled with the delicate rings on the opposite hand as she looked up at him with eyes filled with skepticism. There it was again… that indescribable thing about him that made her want to fall. She could feel it too, every moment she was with him, he pulled her closer and closer to the cliff’s edge. She would pull back and he would be right there tugging her forward again.
He smiled at her, his eyes filled with mischief and delight as her fingers started pulling one ring off after another. Before she knew it, she could feel the tension in her body release, feel the panther slowly ease out of her cage. She took a step back from him as sparks and smoke emanated from her hands. She took a few deep breaths, regulating her body’s response until they stopped. He gave her an encouraging nod as he took a step toward her. It was not tentative or hesitant like people have done in the past. It was deliberate and confident, as if he was determined to let her know that he was not afraid of her. 
“Deal,” she said softly. 
They stared at each other for a few moments before they both noticed soft embers rising between them. She had only seen those once before, with him in the library, and now she wondered if that was her body’s natural response to the affection she felt toward him. 
“U-um, we should head back yes? I don’t want your guard to think I kidnapped their chief,” she chuckled awkwardly. 
He nodded and they set back on their way, their bodies closer together, hands brushing against each other every few steps. Asha anticipated it, longed for that brief physical contact each time. It provided warmth and comfort her body hadn’t experienced in a long time. 
Before she knew it, they were back in the Lodge and standing outside her door. 
“Well this is where I leave you. I will see you in,” he quickly checked his watch for the time,” two hours for our first meeting, your highness?” 
“I will be there,” she answered as she pushed against the heavy wooden door that lead to her room. “Oh Lord M’Baku? I now have a request for you. It is just Asha. No your highness or Princess. Just Asha.” 
A big grin spread across his face as he took in her request. “Ok then, ‘just Asha.” Only if you call me M’Baku.” He held his hand out for her to shake on their new deal. She started to raise her hand before remembering their previous deal and quickly clutched it to her chest. 
“We will work up to that, yes?” He retracted his hand and let it fall back to his side. 
“Yes, please.” 
He nodded, giving her one last longing look before heading down the hallway. 
“M’Baku!” She called after him, unable to let their last private moment for the day pass without saying one final thing. “Thank you,” she said as he turned around to look at her again. 
He offered her another smile and a head nod before turning back around. The thank you required no explanation, he knew what it meant and knew it was unnecessary. He didn’t deserve a thank you for recognizing her humanity. He was just excited to realize that those high walls were coming down brick by brick. He wasn’t sure if he was prepared for what lays behind them but he knew it would be glorious.
@destinio1 @muse-of-mbaku @missmohnique @jellybean531 @afrolatinpami @archivistofwakanda @leahnicole1219 
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farawaysoph-ie · 4 years
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The Bone Witch Incoherent Whatever
I started these books mainly because I can't read French very well, but this is a story for another list. I started them and finished them, and I didn't know I had needed such a story. This. Bad. So I guess a super long and super spoiler-y list was in order (while I cry again because they are too much T.T)
Rin Chupeco was immediatly added to my list of favourite human beings: the dedications were a mood and the acknowledgments, gosh wonderful
Tea of the Embers, love of my life, is amazing, I don't care about anything I loved her from her first words until the very end
Somehow we always knew where this was gonna end, but i didn't feel prepared at all, my heart breaking and mending at every chapter
"My only claim of strangeness was that I read fiercely, learned thirstly"
"We asha are always expected to be on our most proper behavior, to never have so much as a hair out of turn. Asha do not cry or scream or make threats. When people cut us, we are expected to do only two things: smile and bleed.”
The world building, the power system, the politics, Tea's commanding of the Dark
The deal with Mykaela heartglass broke my heart, I have ex that I regret and the idea that I could remain stuck like that, loving someone and slowly dying because of that terrifies me (HOW COULD YOU KILL HER WHEN THEY WERE SO CLOSE)
THE AZI
I repeat THE AZI
Tea looked at a giant three-headed undefeated dragon, went around in its head, saw it just wanted to be left alone (which same) and said I'm gonna keep it (which again SAME)
What do I have to do to befriend a dragon? (TELL ME)
Zoya turning out to be a magnificent and fierce warrior with a major case of ChildhoodFriendCrush, and not irrelevent mean girl
Also her and Shadi are just so cute, the way the first is always embarassed and everything and the other just loves and teases her more
"Unfortunately, the oracle had something very different in mind with me" takes on a WHOLE new meaning when you finish the trilogy
I hated how people started getting more and more scared of Tea, when in the end it was all a plot, a lot of prejudices were to blame, and they seemed to forget how kind my girl always was
I have to say I liked Aneah and all the words she whispered, give me a twisted dark lady and you have my attention
"A little corruption is good for the soul, Tea." To which yes, let a girl get revenge
I'm looking at you filthy oracle, I can understand the "I have to sacrifice something to win this fight" way to go, but you were just a pathetic crazy liar, how dare you corrupt Althecia
I can't get over that, I didn't see it coming
The elders made me sick, those horrible hags tested my patience, go die of old age Hestia or whatever
The end of The Bone Witch will always have my heart because Chupec dropped the ship bomb on me with a "Let's go, Kalen"
After going on with "a boy who died for me" and "I made a note to strangle Kalen as soon as I saw him again", AND THEN THAT
I was rooting for them, so I think I screamed or something: you say enemy to lovers, you have my attention
Those two invented love, it took them two books to get around, but was it worth it. They were so devoted to each other, like Kalen stayed with her against Everything and Everyone, like literally. We stan one loving boy
Whats more the oracle had predicted the next bone witch was gonna bring about the dead of her lover, and he was going around "get away from the prince!", then she went, brought down the freacking azi, trapped a Faceless one using her dead horse, and he was like "I guess I'm doomed"
gosh Fox
It all started with "Let me be clear: I never intended to raise my brother from his grave, though he may claim otherwise. If there’s anything I’ve learned from him in the years since, it’s that the dead hide truths as well as the living."
He is exactly how a big brother should be, you can feel him come back to life in every sense, slowly, until he falls in love. I could feel all his love for a sister he kept understanding less and less despite being in her head, and how this held him back from a life he wanted, but knew he shouldn't have had in the first place
Beautifully done, I felt and understood Fox, despite him not being the narrator, despite being angry at how the situation with Daisy was hurting Tea, the two of them were power siblings
“We need someone in our heads to tell us whenever we’re being idiotic. It’s the Pahlavi way.”
Mistress Parmina with her love for money, always stood behind Tea, despite her way of doing things and I wished that Councilor Ludvig was my granpa, I mean he was this kind, smart politician who taught Tea a lot and helped them mantain peace
Ah the well meaning Inessa, I liked her, but felt like I haven't seen enough of her
But the joke of how there were no rulers to get accidentally engaged to killed me, that's awareness
Polaire T.T
The infatuation for Kance stayed that way and I'm glad, and most of the last books I was like, don't hurt my girl
The Heartforger was a rollercoaster ship-wise: Tea insults Kalen, he is standing behind her; Kalen tries to be nice to Tea, Tea is very confused; pretend they are a thing in front of family; Tea compels Kalen hoping to save his life, Kalen is not pleased at all; unsuccessful apologies; realization, "compel me too", you gotta destroy this two dudes who were rude to you, so I can go "that's my Tea"; you don't just stab the Deathseeker while the bone witch is watching; very public kiss; taking each other back from Faceless influence
All the time they spent with a Heartshare rune between them
"We danced for a few minutes without saying anything. A Daanorian woman worked up the nerve to approach us but backed away when I glared at her. “Angry about something?” “You do know there are women itching to kill me right now, right?” His grip tightened. “Did someone compel the people in the palace? The wards are still in place.” I sighed. “That’s not what I meant. Never mind.”"
“Nobody’s more of a fighter than you. You’re the bravest, strongest, most amazing man I’ve ever…”
Realizes
"I mean you are alright"
When Tea jumped off the tower and the azi caught her !!! (yes I screamed, because I love one queen)
"He was the only place I could rest my head and dream without nightmares plaguing me, as they had for the last three months."
Rahim and Ches were very precious
And don't get me started on Likh
Lady Likh can very much kick your ass on her own, but try to hurt her and you'll have to speak with my punches
Khalad agrees with me (the guys in this family don't know how to get the hint)
But in the end, he was helping Tea so Likh could wake (tears, tears everywhere)
The induced madness and the Blight stuff were sick
From when Tea almost jumped off the window, with Kalen terrified poor boy, to killing Daisy (her own free and light sister T.T), to not remembering a second suicide attempt
Black heartglasses being associated with violence, and Tea's one turning because of what other people did to her
Tea' simple "I want to live", can't a girl have peace? Be free like the azi? Have daughters with her eyes and her singing voice?
"I felt the hatred you were capable of like it was my own. And in that instant, I loved the darkest part of you, because I understood, better than Fox or Mykaela could. I’ve known you at your worst." If this isn't love I don't know what is
Drunk Tea was a sight to be hold, and perfect: take off every filter from the dangerous Dark asha and what she has to tell you is how much she loves Kalen
“I don’t care. I’ll bring us back from the grave if I have to, silver heartsglass or not.” “And I will kill anyone standing between us,” he promised, before his lips closed over mine, “even if I have to crawl out of my grave to do so.”
And you know what? THEY DID.
Tea taking her trials, which after the last chapters were nothing worse than her nightmares: her home burning, her own execution could not compete with Daisy's death and Fox rejection
But Kalen was not a price she could ever think of paying
"You can’t break the rules simply because you want to. More often than not, the rules wind up breaking you."
“The world is a much bigger place than the space I occupy, and with even greater consequences.” “There will be no world if you aren’t here with me, Kalen.”
Yadoshans warm my heart
"That is the nature of tyranny, young Tea. Maintaining power is their sole intention. Why worry about retaliation and revolution when they have always intended to wield the sword?"
The whole part in which they killed Kalen and the azi, ripped my heart out
The song she must have sung for hours, and the azi waited until the end to say goodbye
Thank the Creator for the visions she got, or she would have really drown herself T.T
“Sons and daughters,” she echoed, “sons with my fire, daughters with my eyes. Mayhap one day, they will. A life worth dying for is a life worth living after all.” She laid a hand on her companion’s shoulder, squeezing. “Let’s go, my love.”
Even after this long list I feel like I didn't do justice to this trilogy or to how much I loved it. Tea's fierce and kind strenght, even when every one but Kalen was suspicious of her, even when she was going mad because of poison, even when she was trying to outsmart a ruthless enemy, did something to me.
I spent three books knowing that she didn't care if she survived, if she could save her friends then her wish to live was not important. She didn't want much, she just wanted to live. But she let go of that for everyone else. Yes I'm going to cry again.
About the ending I like to think that for finally healing the world she was rewarded, so she got the quiet life with Kalen she'd always deserved. I like to think that she and Kalen remember, that after they'd done enough they finally found their peace and freedom.
They were together, they got to be someone else and had all the time in the world.
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We Lost Him Too
Bruce went after one of Omega squad. 
He done fucked up.
      Enjoy!  
-----
 It’s been three days since Bruce asked Irey to bring Damian back. Things had been quiet from Omega squad, like they have been the last four months. The League doesn’t think much of the silence, since none of them besides Bruce know what happened. Their monthly meeting drags on as normal.
         “I agree with Diana—”
         The heavy doors swing open with a crash. Omega squad, eyes all blazing with fury, storm in. Wally focuses on his son and the young man’s clenched fists. Lian stalks forward, looking uncannily like her late mother, her voice sharper than any arrow she uses, “Where the fuck is he?”
         “You all aren’t supposed to—”
         “We have a good reason to be here, Stewart.” Milagro cuts the senior Lantern off. Speaking to Batman, she growls, “Do you want to tell them what that reason is or should we?”
         “This is inappropriate.” Bruce stands.
         “No, what’s inappropriate, Grandfather, is you asking Irey to help bring Damian back.” Mar’i snaps. The other Leaguers turn to the still neutral faced Bruce.
         “I asked for her expertise—”
         “And she said no.” Colin interrupts him. “She said no and you kept pushing.”
         “I was trying to make her see reason.”
         “What reason justifies you asking her to sacrifice her baby?!” Jon demands. “She could give birth any day now and you asked her to do something that could hurt her or Asha!”
         “I was trying to bring my son back. If any of you cared—”
         “You aren’t the only one here who lost him!” Milagro roars.
         “He was our friend! Our teammate!” Mar’i’s unnatural green eyes start glowing purple.
         “Our brother!” Colin shouts, gesturing to Jon and Jai. “Irey’s Lightning Rod! You aren’t the only person who loved about him, or misses him, or would do anything to get him back!”
         “If that’s how you feel, then why aren’t you offering to help—” Bruce doesn’t know when to give up.
         “Because Irey’s right! Damian would hate you as much as I do right now!” Mar’i snaps, “He would hate you for what you asked her!”
         “Why are you all over reacting?”
         “Overreacting?! Irey hasn’t been able to get out of bed in three days!” Jon clenches his fists, “Every time someone comes into the room, she can’t stop shaking! We can barely get her to eat! It took us months to convince her that nothing bad was going to happen to Asha! You destroyed that in ten fucking minutes!”
         “If she’s unable to care for herself,” His still even voice pisses them off more, “Then perhaps someone should step in and provide a more stable environment for the child.”
         They blink.
         That’s all they do. They blink and Jai’s no longer standing silently with his team. The speedster has Batman pinned against a wall, slamming his fist into the older man’s gut. As Bruce doubles over, Jai throws him onto the ground. His golden-brown eyes have becomes a vibrant red, focused on the man in front of him. He jumps on top of the man, punching him over and over and over.
         “Jai!” It takes Wally, Barry, and Bart to pull Jai back. His eyes still glow red as he struggles against them. Bruce stands, wiping the blood from his lips.
         “If you come near her,” Jai’s voice sends a chill down their spines. He sounds exactly like Thawne, “If you even think of fucking taking Asha from my sister, you won’t have to worry about bringing Damian back. Because you’ll see him yourself after I kill you. I’ll shove my hand through your fucking chest.”
         The other heroes in the room look at Jai in terror. Except Omega Squad. His teammates watch him with stoney faces. None of them move towards him. None of them try to stop him. None of them want to. Jai’s eyes fade back to normal as he glares at the bat.
         “Omega.” Diana stands up, “I understand you’re upset. What Batman did was unacceptable and there will be consequences. However—”
         Whatever telling off she’s going to give them is cut off by blaring alarms from their phones. Lian checks her screen, eyes widening, “Guys, we have to go. Now.”
         “Why—” Lian cuts Jai off.
         “Code July.” All the speedsters’ eyes widen at that. The men holding Jai let him go.
         “Flash! He just attacked Batman! He can’t just walk out of—”
         “My daughter just went into labor!” Wally snaps. “And before anyone says shit to my son, address the events that lead up to this first.”
         The speedsters are gone in a flash. Omega squad glances at the League and Batman. Colin’s the one to address them.
         “We’re not perfect. We’re the fucking misfits no other team wanted. But we’re a family. We fight for our family. Consequences be damned.”
         They’re gone too, door slamming shut behind them. Batman returns to his seat, looking up at his fellow leaguers. “Shall we continue?”
--
         Two days later, Omega stand in a too clean hallway, bouncing with excitement. Even though their leave from the field has been extended indefinitely following the confrontation, nothing can ruin what’s about to happen.
         “Sissy?” Jai opens the hospital room door. Their teammates try to peak around him, Mar’i floating to see above him. A soft heart monitor beeps from behind a sheet. A few vases of flowers and balloons sit on the dresser.
         “Hey, guys.” Irey’s soft voice comes from inside. “Come on in.”
         They pile into the hospital room. Just past the privacy sheet, Irey sits on her bed, light blanket covering her torso. Of course, they’re more focused on the baby sleeping on her otherwise bare chest. Soft coos come from the newborn, tiny hand wrapped around her mother’s finger.
         “Hey, Mama.” Lian sets a covered dish on the table. “How you feeling?”
         “I mean…I pushed a human out of my vagina and learned being shot hurts less.” The team laughs at her honesty. “Physically, sore as hell, but emotionally…”
         The new mother trails off. She adjusts the sleeping baby to make it easier for them to see, closing her hospital gown. The squishy faced infant grunts as she’s moved, stretching her arms up, naked aside from her diaper. Dark curls already cover most of her head, skin a little ruddy but still like her father’s.
         “Meet our newest little teammate,” Irey smiles down at her daughter. “Asha Nuri West-Wayne.”
         “She’s so cute, Irey.” Mar’i coos, tickling bare toes. “Might be cold.”
         “Well, I was trying some skin to skin bonding with her. And Mama runs warm, doesn’t she, Lightning Bug?” Irey kisses the baby’s nose. Asha coos softly. “Ok, Bug, Mama hears you. You don’t wanna be nakey much longer though.”
         “If you want, I can dress her.” Milagro offers. Irey laughs. Knowing the fashionista, her newborn would be dressed like a little princess.
         “I have a onesie and some socks in the dresser for her.”
         “I got it.” Colin kisses the top of Milagro’s head and squeezes past his teammates. They turn when he bursts into laughter, only to join in when he holds up the Robin onesie. Complete with utility belt detailing. “Really, Ires?”
         “It is cute and I will not hear anything against it. Don’t forget the Impulse socks.” Irey sticks her tongue out. Still laughing, Colin gets the baby’s clothes. Milagro does help her dress Asha. Irey looks at her twin, “I think Asha wants Uncle Jai-Jai to hold her first.”
         Jai swells with pride. Taking his new niece into his arms, he sinks into the rocking chair besides his sister’s bed. Mom and Dad had sent him photos earlier, but they’re nothing compared to actually holding her. Asha grunts in his arms, which only makes him chuckle, “Oh, come on? Am I really that bad?”
         “She is Damian’s,” Jon notes. Their late teammate’s name hurts for a moment, but not as much as it had, “Chances are she’s got his temper.”
         They laugh at that. Irey lays back on the pillows, watching as Asha’s passed from Jai to Mar’i to Jon.
         “I have something for this sweet soul.” Milagro sets a bag on the bed. Irey opens her mouth to protest.
         Irey knows she won’t be able to argue with the Lantern, or at least that she won’t win, so she opens the bag. Her breath catches at the familiar fabric inside. Lifting it up gingerly, like it’s going to catch fire, Irey pulls one of Damian’s old capes out. A fuzzy yellow fabric had replaced the old inside, neat rows of thread holding it together. But it’s his cape. Without even lifting it up, she can smell Damian on it. His favorite cologne and the odd sent of jasmine added in.
         “He’s not here.” The observation hurts, but Milagro continues, “He’s not here, but I figured his little girl could have a piece of him. Original parts are all still there too. So her Baba can keep her safe.”
         “Thank you.” Irey sets the blanket down, pulling her friend into a hug. Milagro hugs her back just as tight, “Thank you.”
         “You’re welcome. Now, let’s see if little miss pouty pants likes it.” Milagro takes the baby from Colin, ignoring her boyfriend’s pout. After laying the blanket out infront of her, Irey lays her baby on it, loosely wrapping it around her. Asha yawns, tiny fingers gripping the edge of the blanket. A soft sound from her chest makes their hearts melt.
         “That’s a happy baby.” Colin snorts. They spend the rest of evening with Irey, talking about everything and anything, like always. Asha’s well loved on as they chat. She whines anytime they try to unwrap her blanket. After Jon gets them dinner from a nearby restaurant, the team decides to leave Irey for the night. A few kisses and hugs given to both mother and child before their packed room empties.
         Irey nurses Asha again, stroking her baby’s soft cheek as she eats. Her heart should be aching seeing how much her daughter looks like Damian. But it doesn’t hurt. Damian will always be a part of Asha. He will always be her Baba. But Asha isn’t him. To view her as him would be unfair to someone so new to this great big world.
         “I love you, Asha.” Irey whispers to her sleeping daughter. “Your Baba loves you. I know he’s not here, but I can tell you that he would love you more than anything.”
         Asha snores gently. Irey presses her lips to the back of Asha’s tiny hand, “I can’t promise you that you’re never going to be hurt, Bug. I can’t promise you that people will always be nice or understanding. But the one thing that I can promise you is that I’m always going to love you. Always.”
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celestianstars · 5 years
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The Blacker the Berry the Sweeter the Juice (Ch.1)
Viktor Drago x Asha Creed (Black Female OC)
Summary: Asha Creed isn’t a stranger to the boxing world and isn’t keen on the attitude displayed by many men in the sport either, but when she meets Viktor Drago, suddenly her interest has never been more piqued
Based off this request. Thank you for this idea anon!
Warnings: none just slight tension and fluff this chapter
Word Count: 2,694
Note: This takes place at the end of Creed II and right after!
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Asha could hear the muffled rumble of excited fans in the stadium, waiting for the fight to begin. 
She was a confident woman, knowing and trusting in herself and her abilities but the few minutes leading up to the walk out always spiked her nerves.
“You’re one of the best upcoming MMA fighters out there and you’re a Creed, place your fear behind you.” the words of her coach echoed in the back of her mind as everyone cleared the room and let her have a moment of quiet. 
Usually she wouldn’t bother even looking at her phone during these moments but her brother, halfway across the country was about to enter the ring too. 
It made her nervous. This rematch with the Drago kid made her stomach churn as she pictured how bruised and mangled Adonis had been in the hospital after the first fight. 
It broke her heart to see him like that. She told him not to take the fight in the first place, reasoning that everyone knew what had happened between Apollo and Ivan and the world would forgive him for not seeking vengeance in the ring. 
But Donnie had his mind made up from the start and nothing was gonna change that. 
The last thing she sent him was a good luck message and an I love you and she prayed things were going well. She wasn’t sure if she could handle him being injured so badly again, especially now that he had a daughter. 
Exactly one minute till she would be walking out into the ring and she needed to push all this aside and stay focused. 
She sent Bianca a final message to let her know how things went and pushed her phone away to take a couple deep breaths. 
She had her own match to win. 
---
It had only lasted three rounds before she’d delivered a knockout punch and sent her opponent straight to the ground. 
Relieved and feeling very confident, Asha eagerly finished all the interviews with various sports channels and hurriedly made her way back to the locker rooms to see what had become of Donnie. 
He’d won, thank god.
“They should be playing highlights by now.” she whispered to herself as she turned on the tv in the locker room. 
She could tell he was fighting with something different in his technique. He was sharper, more adapted to fighting someone as brute as Viktor, and the changes paid off. She grinned at how well her brother wore the belt. 
Highlights of the fight began playing and she would by lying if she said she wasn’t glued to the screen watching the two men trade jabs. 
She was in awe watching such a big man fall to the floor twice, struggling to get up the second time. Her attention shifted away from her brother and onto Viktor, now hanging onto the ropes. 
He wasn’t looking towards Ivan or the rest of his team but rather towards the crowd and suddenly the reason why clicked into place for Asha. He was looking for his mother in the crowd, no doubt she showed up to the fight. 
Given the history between their families, Asha had taken it upon herself to do a little research on Viktor and Ivan and discovered that his mother had left them when he was a boy and Ivan was forced out of Russia as a disgrace, leaving him to raise his son in Kiev. 
She followed his line of sight and saw empty seats, a kind of sadness for Viktor coming over her. His mother had left again. 
Yet, he still pulled himself up off the ropes to continue the fight. There was no way he was going to win, he was just punching with no strategy now, desperate and probably hurt in too many ways to count. 
The highlight reel then flashed to Ivan throwing in the towel, effectively stopping the fight which made her gasp in surprise. She hadn’t expected that from him. Ivan seemed like the kind of man that would keep pushing his son to the limits to obtain a victory but not this time. She was grateful.
It seemed like the longer it went on, the more reckless and hurt Viktor became and for both him and her brothers sake, she was glad the fight was stopped. 
While she was happy and excited for Donnie and his win, she couldn’t help but watch Viktor in the background, noticing how he kept pushing his father away every time he tried reaching out. 
There was that odd sadness for him again. He was drained and emotional and hurt and she didn’t need to hear what they were saying to see that. He seemed lost. 
Asha was past viewing the Drago family as bad people for what happened with her dad but she couldn’t help but feel like she was in the wrong for hoping that Viktor could find some comfort because he looked like a scared little boy.  
She shouldn’t be thinking about him like that, should she? She couldn’t. She’d get it out of her head in no time. 
Two Months Later 
After a mini vacation, Asha was back to training and that meant early mornings getting ready for the gym and making sure her dog, Jet was fed before she left. 
The pitbull was like a child to her and she would much rather stay in bed a few extra hours to snuggle with him but hitting punching bags and sparring with her coach was calling her name. 
Like usual at this early hour, the gym that had become a second home to her was alive with the sounds of her coach instructing some of the other athletes already there. Without fail, all their heads turned to eye her as she walked in. 
She was aware half of them wanted to get in her pants and she’d have to turn down more than a couple advances before she left for the day since none of them could take a hint. 
Though she was an MMA fighter, boxers still ran in her circle of acquaintances. Her brother was probably one of the only boxers she could stand, but the rest tested her on the daily. Always so cocky and obnoxious and none of them were after her for a committed relationship either, that was one thing she was sure of. 
It was a tragic realization for her that fighters were her type and the following year of trying it out with a few of them had left her heartbroken and slightly more cynical than she had been before, so now they were just completely off the table for her. 
No way in hell was she gonna let one of them get close to her again. 
---
“Hey uh, Ash? You haven’t texted me back about getting dinner this weekend. You still down?” Eric came striding over to her. 
He was one of the worst ones. Persistent and dumb as a bag of rocks. 
“Hey uh, don’t call me Ash, it’s Asha, you don’t know me like that. Second, I don’t wanna have dinner with you, I never did and told you that when you first asked, did you forget?” she arched an eyebrow at him and began wrapping up her fists with padding. 
“Ah come on, don’t be like that. You seem like you haven’t gotten some good dick in awhile, let me take care of that for you.” 
The amount of self control she possessed every day not to knock out one of these fools was beyond her. 
“Whether I’m getting dick or not doesn’t concern you so delete my number and don’t talk to me ever again or I’m gonna fuck up your face. Don’t try me, Eric you’ve seen me in the cage.” giving her best smile she flipped him off and grabbed her gym bag to move to a different, more peaceful spot.
She was aware she came off as mean to most people, especially to men, but in all honesty she was glad. It was more of a defense mechanism than anything else really, her actual personality was more kind and soft but in this business, being tough on the outside was a better look to have and a better way to protect yourself from being hurt. 
Being an “Ice Queen” was proving to be effective so far so why let her defenses come down? She was too stubborn to do that. 
As she cleared her head of thoughts on her lonely, frustrating love life, or lack thereof, she focused on getting warmed up. 
She enjoyed this process almost more than actual training. Just laying on the floor, stretching her limbs, feeling the ground beneath her, feeling focused as she practiced stances and did basic exercises to get her body prepared. 
This was really her element, the thing that made her feel calm and good about herself. And the sounds of people working and improving around her only motivated her. 
But of course, things just couldn’t go her way without interruption for once. There was always something. 
“Hey, what the fuck does he think he’s doing trying to train here?” Asha was pulled from her focus at the sound of her concerned coach walking towards her. 
She looked at him in confusion before looking out towards the front entrance of the gym, nearly choking on her own spit when she saw the big, hulking figure of Viktor Drago in the gym’s tiny door-frame. 
He stood still but looked slightly alarmed, like he wasn’t aware of who’s gym he’d just stepped into. 
“That’s a good question actually, care to answer, Drago?” Asha crossed her arms, slowly walking in a line straight for him. 
Viktor had so many thoughts racing through his mind he barely caught her question. 
He was kicking himself for being so stupid and forgetting that Rocky and fighters in his circle frequented this gym but it was the only one within a few miles that was open this early. And then second, he was speechless at realizing who the woman stalking towards him was. Adonis’ sister. 
He’d never seen her in person before but now that he was staring her right in the face he was left scrambling. She was stunning. 
Her hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail and her crossed arms showed off the toned muscle she had, and the expression on her face was hardened and suspicious of him but nonetheless she was beautiful. He couldn’t believe he was feeling this way, especially about a Creed. 
“Sorry...I can leave if this is problem.” he cleared his throat, beginning to back away. 
“Yeah you should leave, we don’t want you here-” her coach began to speak up but Asha cut him off. 
“Stop! You can stay, actually. No hard feelings from me.” her voice felt timid at first but she found her footing, blinking rapidly as she found that holding eye contact with the 6’4 giant was becoming difficult. 
She wasn’t even sure why she did it but she was being honest. There were no hard feelings towards him. She held no grudge and frankly it was exhausting trying to find reasons to dislike him when she had none. 
Viktor was surprised. He had been in contact with her brother quite frequently since their last fight, a kind of distant and awkward friendship building between them but he knew that didn’t just make everything ok. There was still a lot of baggage between their families. 
He thought she might yell at him, threaten him or kick him out, he had put her brother in the hospital once before, he would understand why she was angry with him stepping foot in her gym but she wasn’t. She actually looked like she wanted him to stay. 
“No hard feelings from me.” rang through his mind as he ignored the looks of disdain from the other athletes and found a spot to set his gym bag down. 
He still hated how he’d forgotten that this was basically the Creed’s gym. Ivan had warned him, told him to just wait till another gym opened for the day but he had a restless night and woke up tired and forgetful and with Ivan gone scouting potential fights, he figured some of his itch to be reckless seeped into his otherwise controlled routine. 
Asha wanted to take back her acceptance of Viktor staying to train here, of course, he just had to set his stuff down next to where she was gonna try and resume her warm up. 
She hated that she kinda liked that he’d chosen to be next to her whether he was aware of it or not. 
It wasn’t like she was trying to appear sympathetic to him but something in her just seemed to melt at his presence. She could just feel this heavy sadness and loneliness radiating off him and she understood it, it mirrored some of the heaviness in her own heart. 
And then there was the way he carried himself. Like a gentle giant, not at all like the other boxers she was accustomed to meeting who were too egocentric and self centered to be around. 
He was quiet and very different from the rest, like she could read all his emotions but still knew nothing about him at the same time. It made her curious. 
Viktor’s heart skipped a beat as she began working on the punching bag not even a few feet from where he stood. He felt restless, distracted even. 
What was it about her that made him feel so jittery? He couldn’t quite place it but maybe it was how she didn’t seem afraid of him. 
Everyone he came into contact with was afraid of him but not her. She held her head high when she had spoken to him and even now that he caught her glancing at him, she remained strong and almost unimpressed. 
Viktor was sure she had to feel conflicted, why else would she look so stern with him but let him stay and train? Like she wanted to hate him but couldn’t. 
He’d made up his mind right then and there as he watched the bag wobble from her hits that he should keep his distance from her. It would be better that way, avoid any conflict or weird feelings. 
At the same time, Asha was thinking the exact same thing. Stay away from Viktor Drago. Stop glancing at him, stop thinking about him, just avoid him. 
---
Ten minutes later and she’d already fucked up her plan to stay away. 
Upon hearing that her usual sparring partner was out sick and her coach was in the middle of something with another fighter, she whipped around to find Viktor wiping sweat from his brow. 
“Hey, um I could use a sparring partner, Drago. Think you can help me out?” she cringed inwardly. What was she thinking?
Viktor could feel his hands go cold. She was speaking to him again, only softer this time. He liked her voice. 
He could say no, he could leave and end this whole tension filled encounter but his feet kept him planted in place. 
“Yes. I’ll do it. And...just call me Viktor, it’s ok.” he wasn’t aware of how close she’d gotten until he was looking down at her shorter height. 
“Thanks, I appreciate it, Viktor. You can call me Asha.” 
Asha. Another beautiful thing about her, her name. 
He needed to stop thinking that way but the thoughts kept coming and he wasn’t exactly sure he wanted them to stop. 
He was so caught up in a daze about her that without warning he felt her twist his arm and pull, his back hitting the mat beneath them with a loud thud. Asha had pinned a man nearly three times her size in an arm bar within seconds and he couldn’t do a thing but blink in surprise. 
What they said about her was true. She could kick some ass and was very good at doing so. 
Viktor decided that he liked Asha even more now. She could hold her own.
---
I’m so excited for where I wanna take this story! Let me know what you think, please! And like always, thank you for reading my work!
Also Ryan Destiny is who I picture as Asha but please feel free to imagine her as yourself!!
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lyorofthequill · 4 years
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The Faceless Nursery. (Contains spoilers for the latest SP book)
Valkyrie smiled as she watched Alice. She was so excited that she was being dropped off at preschool by her big sister and the weird man that her sister hung out with. It had been a few weeks since she had come back from America, and finished up this years magical adventure. Tho' they couldn't pick her up. Today is... Would have been Shudder's birthday. 
So they were going to celebrate it at Gordon's home. Valkyrie was quiet as Skulduggery and Alice were singing the  Frozen soundtrack. The Skeleton detective was overly dramatic as always, it almost made her smile. But her mind was to far away to tell her muscles to move. The nursery was an old one, been
around longer then Valkyrie. Tho' she never went to it. The Nursery was brightly colored, it was in the outskirts, where buildings were in the few and the fields were large. Skulduggery said his goodbyes as Valkyrie helped Alice out.
''Steph! I want to show you Mel!''Alice started dragging Valkyrie forward. The other mum's laughed and waved at the flustered Val. She couldn't say no to her baby sister. Not after, not after what she had done to her. It was strange, she had cried for most of the time after she got her emotions back, but the crying stopped on the first day of preschool. Whoever this Mel was, she was a saint.
She walked in, it was a generic preschool. Void of religion tho', which was strange for any school. There was usually at least a small cross on the wall, but none there. Alice took her own shoes off, they don’t wear shoes inside here. Valkyrie paused as a woman walked out. A 60-something with grey hair, she knew this wasn't Mel. The woman was a mortal, named Asha. The African woman smiled at her.
''Hello there, good to see you Stephanie. It has been a while.'' She had her hands clasped, as the brightly colored dress swayed as one of the younger boys was grasping on to it. She nodded as the woman took a moment to greet Alice, ''Yeah. Alice just wants to introduce me to one of the workers.'' Asha smiled and nodded as she took a step to the side, the boy copied as Alice took Valkyrie in to the main room. A mat full of toys sat in the center, with a table full of art supplies was next to it. About four other children ran around, this class had six children in it. So did Asha's room, and then the kitchen and bathroom. 
This was Mel's room from what she guessed. Alice ran in to a side room. She was talking with Mel. Valkyrie paused, so Mel was a guy. He must be new.
She froze as the at least seven foot man walked. Greying black hair was tied back in to a man bun. The sides of his head was shaved as his golden eyes scanned Valkyrie. His red hoodie was like the red cloak she had last time seen him in. The other him. Melavant smiled at her as he walked over to her, letting Alice lead him by the hand.
''Oh. You must be Alice's sister. She talks an awful lot about you.''He explained, he reached his hand out to shake her hand. She slowly did, his hand was large compared to hers, they were rough and even had scars on them. She was stiff as she faked a smile.
''Oh, same with you. Mel..?''
He nods, ''That is my name.'' He laughed as he picked up Alice. Valkyrie felt her heart sink at this. If he hurt Alice, there was nothing she could do. She faked another smile, ''I'll see you at the weekend, okay Alice?''She tried to focus on her baby sister, and not the warlord who held her. Alice nodded and said her goodbyes.
Valkyrie was quick to run out and to Skulduggery. Whom titled his head at her surprised face, ''What happened?'' He asked. She stared.
''Mevolent isn't dead.''She gasped for breath. The skeleton's body language changed at this, he went from the usual smooth, body movements to more stiff ones as he pulled her in to the car. She was quick to explain everything. He nodded as he sat back.
''So he never died, interesting,''He turned to Valkyrie, ''We'll go celebrate and then talk to the other's about it. Tell your parents we will pick up Alice today.'' He drove away. Valkyrie sunk back, terrified that she had let her little sister alone for so long with that mad man. And they were going to do it again as they left, driving down the road. 
Hopefully Ghastly would be able to make some sense out of this.
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The Folk of The Air’s Dictionary
[with a lot of TCP’s and TWK’s quotes]
Asha
1. Someone with little or no parental skills. ____ “It sounds as though she was entranced by palace life, besotted with the High King’s regard, glorying in the dancing and the singing and the wine. Cardan was left to be suckled by a little black cat whose kittens came stillborn.”
Cardan
1. Someone dissimulated; ____ The disturbing thing about Cardan is how well he plays the fool to disguise his own cleverness. 2. Someone with dirty thoughts; ____ “Crawl to me,” he says with a grin. Embarrassment pinks my cheeks. 3. Someone with little or no ability to choose girlfriends. ____“She found you in bed with someone, got jealous, and shot twice” 
Jude 
1. Someone with trust issues; ____“Watching my back is the perfect opportunity to stick a knife in it” 2. Someone who overreacts; ____Kill him before he makes you love him. 3. Someone dangerous to piss off; ____“If you hurt me, I wouldn't cry. I would hurt you back.” 4. Someone with a big heart. ____I love my parents' murderer; I suppose I could love anyone.
Locke
1. A drama lover; ____“Because you’re like a story that hasn’t happened yet. Because I want to see what you will do. I want to be part of the unfolding of the tale.” 2. A Manipulator; ____“He doesn’t so much think of a party as food and drinks and music, but rather a dynamic that might create conflict.” 3. Someone who pisses off his friends until has none. ____“Is he more angry that you chose me over him or that I chose a mortal over you?”
Madoc
1. A Family kind of guy; ____It was good to be hugged. Even by a monster. 2. An Educator; ____We get power by taking it 3. Tough love kind of person; ____It will hurt. Pain makes you strong  4. Someone proud of their children, who appreciates their achievements. ____“when I best you, I will make sure I do it as thoroughly as I would any opponent who has shown themselves to be my equal.”
Nicasia
1. Someone who think too much about her-self ____ “What need have I for princes?” she demands. “My mother is a queen!”  2. Someone Insecure ____“He cannot love you,” she says to me, her voice suddenly brittle. 3. Someone who wasn’t really important. ____“Whoever brought me here—your mother, I presume, and Balekin—has a use for me. I am afraid of what that is, but not of you, an inept torturer who is irrelevant to everyone’s plans.” 4.  Someone who is bad as a girlfriend. ____“Is he more angry that you chose me over him or that I chose a mortal over you?” 5. Someone who is worse as ex. ____“She found you in bed with someone, got jealous, and shot twice.”
Taryn
1. The good sister who is the worst sister ____I suppose that’s one good thing about being obedient and faithful and good. People think you will never surprise them.
Valerian
1. A prove that immortality is not trustful. ____He doesn't die very differently than mortals, although I am sure it would gall him to know that.
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gffa · 6 years
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One of the best things about STAR WARS fic is that there’s almost always something for someone, whether you want something plotty or more time travel, whether you want to cry about how sad Leia Organa’s life is or revel in how strong she is despite it all, whether you want to dive all the way back to the prequels or if you’re here for the sequels, whether you’re here for the big name characters or the more minor characters that fandom will try to flesh out, there’s going to be something that appeals. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed as long as I have, because something will appeal, no matter my mood! Sometimes I want something more hopeful, sometimes I want something that will break my heart, sometimes I’m tired of one era or just more hyped for another. I appreciate that fic helps further the world of the Saga, beyond just the story of Anakin Skywalker! I appreciate that sometimes it still really, really is about him! I appreciate that there’s fic that appeals to my shipping heart, I appreciate that there’s fic that appeals to my gen-loving heart, I appreciate that there’s so much variety that it seems next to impossible to get bored with Star Wars, not when I have so many new branches that fandom will help me explore! STAR WARS FIC RECS: TIME TRAVEL RECS: ✦ Let’s Try This Again by Nny11, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, time travel, 11.7k wip    Anakin’s life is shaken up when he finds a small togrutan toddler hiding in a dingy alleyway, after all, she did create a Force bond with him and is apparently his future Padawan. Wizard! ✦ In Time by Ripki, obi-wan & anakin & cast, time travel, 27.1k    As the Clone Wars drags on and the secrets between them grow, Anakin and Obi-Wan have begun to drift apart. When a mysterious holocron sends them through time, they don’t only have to confront their past and future – but the present as well. ✦ A Future in Crisis by WolfMarauder, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & & padme & cast, 7.6k wip    Ahsoka has a vision that may change the course of the future. She just needs to keep her master from falling, keep his wife from dying, and the Jedi Order from dying out… That’s all. The first step is returning the the Jedi Order and she finds she has more friends than she thought. ✦ Palimpsest by PorgParty, ben & obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, time travel, 21.5k wip    Kylo Ren, newly-crowned Supreme Leader of the First Order, finds himself flung back through time to the era of the Clone Wars. He decides to capitalise on this opportunity and insert himself into the life of his beloved grandfather Anakin Skywalker. Together they will rule the galaxy with an iron fist. Unfortunately, Kylo has never been very good at being evil. ✦ Old Man Luke by scarletjedi, obi-wan & anakin & luke & leia & ahsoka & asajj & cast, time travel, 41k wip    Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. “Who are you?” He asked, hoping a direct question would yield answers. The old man seemed adept at side-stepping information when asked a bit more deftly. “I’ve never heard of a Master with your level of talent.” ✦ Unexpected Awakening (The Rewrite) by Rhiw, obi-wan & cast, time travel, 6.4k wip    The life of General Kenobi is cut short at the hands of his Padawan, but the sight that greets his eyes upon awakening is not that of blinding light of the Force, but the Jedi Temple he knew when he was still a youth. As he struggles to understand the path laid out before him, Obi-Wan unwittingly captures the attention of a singularly unusual Temple Guard, and that of a reluctant Qui-Gon Jinn. ✦ Rewind, Repeat by tulomne, obi-wan/satine & qui-gon & cast, time travel, 23k    And just like that, Obi-Wan Kenobi dies. But death is just the beginning, he realizes as he wakes as he once was, Padawan braid and all, alongside Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and Satine Kryze. Visions of the future, just out of his grasp, plague the young Jedi as the three traverse the galaxy, avoiding the dangers that follow the Duchess of Mandalore. PREQUELS RECS: ✦ Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto by amarielah, anakin & sam & dean & cast, crossover, 13.7k    When Sam and Dean investigate a spate of Vader sightings in a remote Wyoming town, they discover that – this time – they’re hunting the real deal. Vader, meanwhile, has to adjust to a world that seems designed to piss him off. All while trying his best not to strangle the Winchesters. ✦ The Living Force; Parables for Padawans by glorious_clio, obi-wan & cast, 6.1k    Since infancy, younglings are taught the Jedi Code, “Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.” Obi-Wan Kenobi learns these tenets backwards and forwards again. But even as a child, he is interested in nuance. And so his teachers tell him parables. ✦ The Great Galactic Politics Mess-Up by iomccoy, obi-wan & anakin/padme & dooku & mace & cast, 6.8k wip    Obi-Wan Kenobi asks Count Dooku if he actually has any evidence. He does. It gets messier from there. ✦ A Future Unlived by AlexTirZeng, obi-wan & katooni & cast, 1.8k    Just because a war was on didn’t mean people didn’t dream of a future; if anything, it made them long for what would come after. Obi-Wan was no exception. He’d hoped to see Anakin raise Ahsoka to knighthood. He’d hoped to take another padawan of his own. ✦ Remedial Jedi Theology by MarbleGlove, obi-wan & anakin & mace & cast, 31.2k wip    Let us consider the fact that the Jedi Order is a monastic religious organization based out of a temple, with five basic tenets of faith. ✦ Lessons Learnt by Sweven, ahsoka & kit & cast, 2.4k    As a kid, Ahsoka struggled with many things. Sometimes you just need someone to lift you up and give a word of encouragement. ✦ The Ryloth Excursion by Icarus_is_flying, obi-wan & ahsoka & cast, 2.9k    After a surprise Separatist attack, Ahsoka and Obi-wan find themselves stranded on Ryloth’s plains. Now master and padawan must work together to make it back in one piece. ✦ Duet by Silver Sky 1138, oc & cin, 2.3k    Asha Scarsi, the Jedi Padawan who feels the Force through music, isn’t half as good at lightsaber combat as she is at singing and mindtricks. So she’s a little nervous when Battlemaster Cin Drallig calls her to the training room after class. ✦ Luminous Spirits by Pandora151, obi-wan & ahsoka & cast, 5k    Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, before and after everything changes. ✦ a choice made and made again by Sweven, obi-wan/satine & qui-gon & cast, 4.1k    A glimpse into the year on the run ✦ We Have Lost by ReneeoftheStars, barriss & luminara, 1.9k    It has been a long time since Barriss Offee was imprisoned for bombing the Jedi Temple. Not one to break, she has survived it. One day, she receives an unexpected visit from one she thought long gone from her life. ✦ The Sisters of the Little Kindness by ambiguously, ahsoka/asajj, NSFW, 4.4k    Ahsoka isn’t alone as she goes into hiding. ✦ The Talk by B_Radley, shaak & ahsoka ( & background barriss/ahsoka), 1.9k    A Jedi Master gives someone else’s Padawan The Talk ✦ The Only Home We Know by ReneeoftheStars, katooni & petro & ganodi & byph & gungi & zaft & cast, character death, child death, 2.4k    The Jedi Temple is under attack. Determined to fight for their home, younglings Katooni, Petro, Zatt, Ganodi, Byph, and Gungi make their way to aid the Jedi Masters in defense of the Temple. But the situation is far graver than they expected. ✦ Darkest before Dawn by AceQueenKing, padme/mon mothma, 2.3k    “I want my babies,” Padmé whispered, leaning into Mon’s shoulder. Mon tightened her grip on the younger woman, trying to reassure them both. Padmé, glorious flower of the Senate, was wilting fast in her arms, and it scared her, scared her more than she’d like to admit. ✦ Departed by Pandora151, obi-wan & anakin & vokara & bant & dooku, character death, 3.1k    One was too late; the other was taken too soon. ✦ Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Lady Friend by Sulis57, obi-wan & anakin & rex & cody & boil & waxer & cast, 3.2k    Anakin Skywalker just wants a quiet night at home by himself. Unfortunately, a group of unexpected visitors arrive bringing a potentially destructive acquaintance into Skywalker’s home. ✦ The Probability of Failure: The Mother by B_Radley, shaak & obi-wan & cast, 1.8k    A huntress and Knight struggles to find peace in the wake of devastating loss. Several beings attempt to help her. ✦ Or has time rewritten every line by ambiguously, anakin & ahsoka & kaeden, 4.1k    Ahsoka gets a message from an old friend that leads her to an older friend. ✦ Flickering Sunlight by Pandora151, obi-wan & anakin/padme & cast, 1.5k    In the aftermath of Order 66, Anakin comes to a decision. OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS: ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan (sort of), d/s, 95.9k    During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. ✦ Little Moments by darlingamidala, obi-wan/anakin/padme, 2.8k    This is a series of obianidala-focused drabbles, prompts, and shortfics. ✦ WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE by anecdotalist, obi-wan/anakin & bail & ahsoka & cast, 30.1k wip    War has broken out between the Republic and the Separatists. But that is of no concern to Ben, one of the best bounty hunters in the galaxy. All he’s focused on is his next target…until he’s invited to a tournament of hunters on Serenno. There, he meets a young Jedi Knight—the Hero With No Fear, Anakin Skywalker—who’s disguised as bounty hunter Rako Hardeen. ✦ Unmoored by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, ~1k    In every world Anakin and Obi-Wan will find their way to each other, but this time it just might be too late for both of them. ✦ within us, through us by allourheroes, obi-wan/anakin, nsfw, ~1k    The Force is everywhere. Obi-wan helps Anakin understand. ✦ a spring haze by bell, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 3.2k    Obi-Wan kisses Anakin back because he believes in him. ✦ Three Bodies In Orbit by rainglazed, obi-wan/anakin/padme, 4k    A collection of ficlets and drabbles I’ve written for the obianidala suggestion blog, now posted to AO3 for easier viewing. ✦ These Three Remain by shadowsong26, obi-wan/anakin/padme, 27.5k    Immediately after the Festival of Light (and Obi-Wan’s stint undercover as bounty hunter Rako Hardeen), Anakin and Padme leave Coruscant on impulse, in response to an anonymous tip sent to Padme’s office about vital intelligence hidden in a cache of stolen goods. But things go terribly wrong, and they find themselves stranded and injured, with limited resources and no one knowing exactly where they are. ✦ Intently by zarabithia, obi-wan/anakin & cast, 2.2k    Five times Anakin thought about kissing Obi-Wan in order to distract him. ✦ Tumblr Prompts by Darlings (FromDreamstoEmpires), obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, human au, 1.4k (for this chapter)    A collection of prompts that I’ve filled on Tumblr. ✦ Satisfying Victory by zarabithia, obi-wan/anakin/ahsoka, nsfw, time travel, 3.4k    The Force gives and Ahsoka takes. (Or, Ahsoka goes back in time and is totally going to fix everything. But there’s another order of business to attend to first.) ✦ untitled by themoosejthm, obi-wan/anakin/padme, NSFW, toys, 2.3k    Anakin whimpered as he lowered himself onto the toy, his eyelashes fluttering and his toes curling. ✦ Soft now by Gondolin, obi-wan/anakin/padme (pre-ship?) & cast, 3k    Luke and Leia saved the galaxy before they were even born, Obi-Wan saved them and got aggressively adopted by the Naberrie-Skywalker family. Bonding with dads (plural, yes, Obi-Wan) is important and Padmé needs a nap. ✦ Addictions by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, human au, mafia au, 3.4k    A Sith AU with three-piece suits: Ben is a “negotiator” for the mafia and Anakin his faithful, frightening enforcer. ORIGINAL TRILOGY RECS: ✦ In Which Vader Discovers He is a Father by glompcat, anakin & luke & leia & cast, 27.7k    A collection of (mostly self-contained) AUs where Vader learns about his kids earlier than he did in the canon timeline. Exploring both that moment of initial discovery, and the way the story unfolds after Vader finds Leia and/or Luke. ✦ The Princess Who Remembered Her Name: An Alderaani Faerie Tale by glorious_clio, leia & cast, 6.3k    “Once upon a time, there was a kind and clever and courageous Princess,” Bail begins his favorite story, and Leia is excited to share this with him. She goes through her life with the story in her mind, and tries not to read too much into it. ✦ The Hermit’s Son by landsail0r, obi-wan & luke, 1.2k    AU where Obi-Wan raises Luke. ✦ Hope is a Four Letter Word by laniew1, obi-wan & luke, 3.2k wip    Obi-Wan’s life is simple; he wakes, he eats, he meditates and on some mornings he watches Luke (or the Obi-Wan raises Luke instead AU). ✦ may you inherit his light by notbecauseofvictories, anakin & leia & bail, 2.5k    In this, as in many things, Leia is her fathers’ daughter. ✦ for the hint of a spark by egelantier, luke & leia, 5.1k    This is the gift she wants - her brother, her valiant brother, and the word is sweet on her tongue - and the price she doesn’t want to pay, the legacy she doesn’t want to accept. Her father’s body is burning, and she’s glad. ✦ How to Be Dead by victoria_p (musesfool), obi-wan & anakin & padme & luke & leia & han & rey & cast, 2.7k    You lose everything. You give up. REBELS RECS: ✦ Untitled Rebels Fic by Mirror and Image, zeb/kallus & cast, 11.6k    Kallus, on Yavin IV, sees a Lasat that isn’t Zeb. Things go as expected. ✦ Eidolon by Mira_Jade, han & hera & cast, 4k    Captain Solo and General Syndulla, on the subject of shipcraft, idealism, and love. In no particular order. SEQUELS RECS: ✦ Of Worth by celeste9, rose & poe & bb8, 1.4k    After Rose assists BB-8 with repairs to Poe’s ship, she gets an unexpected thank you. ✦ What They Grow Beyond by rain_sleet_snow, rey & anakin & cast, 7.1k    The war is spluttering to a halt, and Rey goes to Tatooine to build a lightsaber. FULL DETAILS + RECS HERE!
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maddie-grove · 6 years
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The Stark Romance Saga--Book #4: The Maiden of the Riverlands
Previous Installments: Loved I Not Honor More (Book #1, Robb Stark/Jeyne Westerling), The Iron Scoundrel (Book #2, Theon Greyjoy/Asha “Not His Sister in This Universe” Harlaw), Kissing the Kingslayer (Book #2.5, Catelyn Stark/Jaime Lannister), A Fire in Winter (Book #3, Jon Snow/Ygritte), and The Winter Bride (Book #3.5, Samwell Tarly/Gilly).
Note: This installment takes place roughly four years after the end of Sam’s book, which takes place about a year after the end of Jon’s book. Westeros is making progress, albeit slow, in its war against the White Walkers, and there has been a rather cool, brief spring and summer in the meantime. Queen Daenerys is on the throne, although she’s reached a Dornish compromise with the North, making it a principality. Dany’s doing a fine job on the whole, although she’s met with some difficulties, and has a reputation as a fair and kind ruler despite the whole dragon thing.
Other Note: I made Lord Londrew Frey up, because I have no idea which Frey would inherit the Twins after the foiled Red Wedding in Robb’s book. My other thought was making it Big Walder Frey; however, I have a soft spot for that little guy. He may be disturbingly casual about cousin-murder, but he has standards!
The Style
Sweet, drama-filled, and slightly off-kilter 1990s Patricia Gaffney or Susan Wiggs.
The Leads
Nymeria of High Heart (Nan for short), 20 years old, a folk heroine of the Riverlands. With her sword-fighting skills and the help of her direwolf, Sharra, she defends the poor, the weak, and the unprotected from unscrupulous outlaws and cruel lords alike. Dwells in a makeshift cottage near High Heart with only Sharra for company, living partly off the land and partly off the gifts of thankful Riverlanders. Has many friends, including the Brotherhood without Banners, but won’t get too close to anyone. Can’t remember anything before she was fourteen and found herself on the back of a wagon to Castle Black, disguised as a boy. It hurts too much to think about that time, so she’s resolved not to wonder about her past. Really, of course, ARYA STARK.
Gendry, 25 years old, a blacksmith at the inn-turned-orphanage at the crossroads and a member of the Brotherhood without Banners. Less angry than his canon counterpart due to improved circumstances, but still grumpy. An orphan from King’s Landing, he was apprenticed to a blacksmith who abruptly packed him off to join the Night’s Watch. Upset by his master’s rejection and embittered by the atrocities he witnessed in the Riverlands, he found a sense of belonging with the Brotherhood and with the kids who frequently mob him at work. Lately, though, he’s beginning to wonder if he should want more from life. Good friends with Nan, who survived the war alongside him and saved his life a couple of times. 
The Prologue
Shortly after her escape from Sandor Clegane and return to the Brotherhood, an exhausted fifteen-year-old Nan wanders away from the group and has a full-fledged emotional breakdown on a riverbank over everything she’s been through. She only stops crying when a gigantic direwolf approaches her. Instead of eating her, the beast licks her tears away and demands to be petted. Feeling better than she has in a long time, Nan takes the direwolf back to the camp and informs the wary Brotherhood that this is Sharra, named after a witch queen from a song. That night, she dreams about a family in a castle surrounded by snow.
The Set-Up
The Brotherhood without Banners and the Heddle sisters get together and throw a very merry harvest party at the inn at the crossroads. Gendry only goes because he lives there, but is pleasantly surprised to see Nan dancing with an extremely drunk Thoros of Myr. She’s been making herself scarce lately and, while he won’t admit it in so many words, he’s missed her. As they banter, dance, and drink a bit of cider, he also realizes that he’s attracted to her. He resolves to mash down his feelings--she obviously views him as an overbearing older brother and couldn’t possibly be interested--until she calls all his assumptions into question by saying something like, “Yo, nice ass, Gendry.” Long story short, they end up having awesome sex. The next morning, she bids him a cheerful but glib adieu before running back to High Heart, leaving him to wonder if he irrevocably ruined their friendship.
The two don’t speak again until a week later, when Gendry visits Nan’s cottage with news of an interesting matter: Lord Londrew Frey has been cheating his smallfolk by giving them almost no share of the grain that they harvest. Londrew claims that he’s sending the grain to the Night’s Watch to help the war effort, but there’s evidence that he’s selling it overseas instead. Nan agrees to help, although she’s not sure how to do it; she can steal from the Twins and exchange the loot for food for the smallfolk, but that’s only a short-term solution. 
The conversation trails off, and Gendry finally reveals the other reason he came to see her: he wants to talk about That Night and What It Means. He’s halting and awkward. They’ve been friends for a long time, he says, so of course he cares about, um, what happens to her. He knows she never...you know...and what if there’s a child, Nan? He never thought about marrying, but, well... (He doesn’t say that he’s never thought about anything beyond the next task, next meal and next catastrophe until recently, and now he’s not sure how to do it.)
Nan angrily rebuffs him. (She doesn’t say how much she cares about him, how often she thinks about that night, or how badly she longs for a real family. Even if he felt more than friendship and duty, she would lose him eventually, and she can’t stand to lose anyone else.) Stung, Gendry rants about her decision to live all alone in a pile of sticks like a crazy old woods witch. Eventually the rant becomes less “insulting” and more “seriously, are you sleeping at all?” Nan admits that she’s been dreaming more and more about the war and a strange Northern family, one of whom looks like her. In his taciturn way, Gendry expresses sympathy. They watch Sharra play among the weirwood stumps for a while, and then Nan’s face lights up.
“You know,” she says, “someone once thought I looked like a Stark girl.”
The Middle
After an obligatory “wait, WHAT” from Gendry, the two journey to Acorn Hall to get some help from Lady Smallwood, a longtime ally of the Brotherhood. They run into some heartwarming hijinks along the way, mostly brought on by the fact that Nan is beloved by every farmer, prostitute, and orphan in the Riverlands, while Gendry has one of those vibes that make little kids demand that he give them a ride on his shoulders or look at a cool rock they found. Lady Smallwood is pleased to see them and embarrasses Nan by reminiscing about when she was just a wee lass. She grows grave, though, once Nan’s dressed up as a lady in her daughter’s old clothes.
“You do have the Stark look, come to think,” she says. Nan repeats what she now tells everyone, including herself--she comes from King’s Landing and never knew her family--but her dreams are even more vivid that night.
The next day, Nan and Gendry head for the Twins, “disguised” as Arya Stark and her sworn sword. They flirt on the way, despite her determination to keep her distance and his to not renew the sentiments she found so disgusting. Once they arrive at their destination, the Frey household scoffs at Nan’s imperious claims that she is the lost Arya and, by the way, Lord Londrew better stop his peasant-cheating bullshit. Then several older Frey cousins remark that she is the very picture of Lady Lyanna Stark at the Tourney at Harrenhal, causing Lord Londrew turns courteous and welcome her to his home. (Nobody remarks on Nan’s direwolf, as she left Sharra to roam in the woods; she’ll risk her own life, but not her big pup’s.) Nan grandly agrees, even as Gendry grumbles through his teeth that they’re either planning to kill her for being the false Arya or being the real one.
They argue more after she’s shown to her chambers. He reminds her of the famous aborted Red Wedding; she reminds her that they’re both armed to the teeth and smarter than any Frey, plus she thinks they can find proof of Londrew’s dirty dealings to send to Lord Edmure Tully. Their argument “devolves” into some sexy lady/sworn sword roleplay.
Later that night, they’re both shocked when the Freys take Gendry captive (with some difficulty, of course). He has all the markings of a Robert Baratheon bastard, and Londrew thinks he can use him to cause trouble for Queen Daenerys in a Blackfyre Rebellion kind of way. Londrew locks him in a dungeon and Nan in her room. He reveals that he knows who Nan is: an outlaw who comes from nowhere and belongs to no one. He further taunts her with his intention to create false hope for the Starks and Tullys by informing them of “Arya’s” survival, and hopes out loud that they kill Nan out of anger when they learn the “truth.”
Gendry has a dark night of the soul. Spurred by his resentment at being abandoned by his father and used as a pawn by the Freys, he realizes that he isn’t helping himself or anyone else by merely existing in the Riverlands. Whether or not he ends up with Nan or does something with his discovery of his parentage, he has to take charge of his life by going to see Queen Daenerys himself...but first he has to survive this ordeal with the Freys.
Luckily, Nan has already made her escape, thanks to a combination of technical skills and the goodwill of several Freys who are downtrodden or too loyal to Roslin Frey to fuck with her husband’s family’s emotions like that. She springs Gendry from the dungeon; he helps in this endeavor by promising to put in a good word for them with the queen. Reunited, they flee into the night. Gendry tells her that he wants to marry her, whether Daenerys recognizes him as her cousin or not. Nan says she’ll marry him when he comes back; she privately believes he’ll change his mind if his status improves, but almost losing him to the Freys has taught her that refusing to care about him hurts more than letting herself love him. They make love one last time before parting ways, he for King’s Landing and she for Riverrun.
The Conclusion
Nan reaches Riverrun and begs an audience with Lord Edmure Tully, who accepts her request. As a lord who takes his obligations to his vassals seriously, he can appreciate her defense of the smallfolk despite her worrying outlaw status. Once he sees her, though, he’s bowled over by her resemblance to Brandon, Ned, Lyanna, and Benjen (plus the wolf), despite having reservations thanks to Catelyn’s harrowing experience with the false Aryas. Yet his reaction is nothing to Nan’s. Edmure’s Tully look brings back memories of Catelyn, Robb, Sansa, Bran, and Rickon. Then she remembers Ned and Jon, the only ones who looked like her. And everything else comes back when she remembers Jon: Needle, Bran’s accident, the journey to King’s Landing, her terrible final fight with Sansa, her father’s death. Edmure and Roslin take pity on the disheveled young woman sobbing in their hall, and give her a bed and some ale before gently trying to sort everything out.
Meanwhile, Gendry arrives in King’s Landing. He visits Tobho Mott, now an old man, and learns that he was sent away for his own protection at Ned Stark’s command, not outright abandoned. Then he goes to Daenerys’s throne room to wait in line with the general population, When the time comes, he publicly announces who he is and pledges his loyalty, telling her bluntly that he’d rather go ahead and get eaten by her dragons than be endlessly used as a pawn and start another war like the one he lived through.
“Okay, respect,” Daenerys says, enjoying both the anti-oppression message and the drama. She has him taken to a more private chamber and, after find out his whole deal from Varys, meets with him. She reveals that she used to want to Kill All Baratheons, but then she realized that her family’s downfall was more nuanced than she’d been led to believe, plus it didn’t take her long to love her cousins Shireen Baratheon and Mya Stone. She’s happy to find another cousin, having known very little of family, and his loyalty means a great deal to her. Seriously, he can name the region and she’ll find him a castle or at least some unclaimed land. Does he want a title? A last name?
“Um,” says Gendry, utterly overwhelmed. “Is there anything near High Heart?”
At the same time, Nan/Arya has recovered enough from her shock to be merely completely wigged out. She doesn’t know if she can handle being Arya--she can barely handle being Nan--or if her family will even want the wild, haunted outlaw she’s become. And will Gendry want her as Arya Stark? Unsure what to do, she sneaks out of Riverrun, grabs Sharra/her namesake Nymeria, and rides like hell to High Heart.
Several days later, Gendry arrives at Riverrun, which is in an utter uproar. Edmure and Roslin are frantic about having possibly lost the real Arya; Brynden Tully is trying to get everyone to calm down so the fallout won’t be too bad when they find out she’s a fake; Jaime Lannister is lounging decadently around the great hall and grousing about how well the supposed Real Arya hid herself from him; and, most important, Jon Snow and Sansa Stark are there, tense and worried.
“Wait,” says Gendry, “you’re telling me the Freys got something right for once?”
There’s another uproar when everybody realizes that this is the newly acknowledged Baratheon bastard, cousin to the queen, and that he’s been traveling alone with the Lost Arya. 
(“You better be prepared to marry her,” threatens Edmure. 
“Why?” Jaime asks. “She can do better.”)
Eventually, Jon and Sansa manage to speak to Gendry alone. They tell him how desperately they want Arya back, and how afraid they are that this won’t be her. Nobody’s even told Catelyn about this latest hope, because it will be too hard on her. They describe what Arya was like as a kid. Jon tells him how close they were; he’s missed her every day of his life since he went to the Wall. Sansa talks about how annoyed she used to get with Arya back then, and how stupid it all seems now; she’d give anything to see her sister’s messy hair and muddy face again. They’re both worried that, even if this is the real Arya, she won’t want to come back after so much time. But they would let her go, if that would make her happy.
With a sinking feeling, Gendry knows that the girl from their stories can’t be anyone but Nan. He also knows that a Stark lady is too highborn to marry a bastard, even an acknowledged one with royal connections. Still, he can’t keep the truth from her.
“That sounds like Nan,” he tells them. “Follow me. I’ll talk to her first.”
So they all head up to High Heart, where Nan/Arya has resumed her solitary existence. Sharra/Nymeria bounds out immediately and aggressively licks Jon and Sansa before going off to roughhouse with Ghost. Nan/Arya, though, refuses to come out of her hut; however, she reluctantly lets Gendry come inside. He tells her that she can be Nan or Arya or anyone else--she’ll be great no matter who she is, and he’ll love her. They can live in the woods or at the Inn with the orphans or in the castle the queen promised him. Or, if her family doesn’t mind, in Winterfell. Because they love her, too.
“How can they?” Arya demands. “You know what I’ve done, what I am. I was never what they wanted, and now? I’m an outlaw, and a killer, and I’m no one at all.”
At which point Sansa sweeps majestically into the hut, with Jon at her heels.
“You’re not no one,” she tells Arya. “You’re Arya Stark. My sister. And if I didn’t want you, it was because I didn’t know what it would be like to lose you.”
"And you’re a champion of the Riverlands, from what we hear,” says Jon. “Do you remember the sword I gave you?”
“Needle,” says Arya. 
Soon all three siblings are crying and hugging and, when Gendry tries to absent himself, Arya pulls him into the embrace.
“This is Gendry,” she tells her siblings. “He’s coming with us to Winterfell.”
The Epilogue
Arya, Gendry, Jon, and Sansa arrive at Winterfell, Ghost and Nymeria on their heels. Arya wonders aloud if she can find a way to be a lady and still be herself. “Probably,” says Gendry, “but you don’t have to be a lady to be Arya.” The conversation turns to how he’ll adjust to his life as the queen’s acknowledged cousin, including whether he’ll give himself a last name. Arya teases him about becoming “Gendry Stark,” but he says that sounds just fine to him, and she sees his point.
Finally, they get to Winterfell, and almost everyone is there: Robb, Bran, Rickon, Theon, Old Nan, Hodor, Maester Luwin, Princess Jeyne, Ygritte, and a passel of new nieces and nephews. And, of course, Catelyn, who practically falls on her long-lost daughter. They show her the place they’ve set for her at the table all these years, and she sits down with her family.
Subplots 
Twenty-two-year-old Sansa begins to feel restless after a few much-needed years of safety and stability with her family. Catelyn and Robb are both overprotective of her after her ordeal in King’s Landing, encouraging her to delay considering marriage for a few more years and getting nervous if she ventures outside the castle walls. She’s secretly fearful of the outside world herself, but she still wants to do something with her life. So she starts up a correspondence with her old friend/flirt Margaery Tyrell, who shares some highly interesting news about King’s Landing
Nineteen-year-old Bran similarly feels stifled by his well-meaning family, who tend to treat him as a child to some degree despite his physical/emotional maturity and the Very Real Psychic Shit he’s dealing with. (He and Sansa joke about it sometimes.) The arrival of Meera and Jojen Reed, two siblings around his age who know what he’s dealing with and are generally cool, make life a little easier to deal with. 
After a years-long exile as Queen Daenerys’s ambassador in Pentos, Tyrion Lannister returns to King’s Landing to be Hand of the King. He has a fearsome reputation as a killer, only partially earned, and a WHOLE lot of unresolved trauma. When Petyr Baelish approaches him with a crass offer to go into the brothel business together, Tyrion begins to suspect that something more sinister is afoot. Also, he’s not sure if Sandor Clegane wants to kill him or just really likes glaring at people. 
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Alone (Therapists & Children)
A couple years ago, I met someone who meant the world to me. His name was Robin. We sat in that room lit with bright orange lights. Steps ran down to the center where a piano sat. A projector sat atop the ceiling, pointing towards a white sheet just behind the piano. Off to the side sat a shelf with a stereo on top. The walls were dark, brown and obviously made of wood. Squares of foam sat a few inches apart across the walls. The entrance sat off to the side, on the other was a closet that stored all of the chairs. I sat at the back with all of the Mezzo’s. Ms. Curtis had trouble gauging what my range was. We were doing these team building exercises, to find our voices and sync up. When she got to the Mezzo’s she was very disappointed when she found out I had never sang a word in that room. She gave me Mezzo because of my speaking voice. So I sang throughout that hour with everyone who was just now realizing I existed.
  I didn’t sync well with the Alto’s because my voice was a little too high. Finally, she decided I was a Mezzo Soprano, so she grabbed a random Baritone Bass off the shelf to start the usual exercise. He sat down and it was the first time I was ever interested in a boy. He had big brown eyes, messy red curls on his head, all styled forward. He always looked so cool in those blue, slim fit jeans, slip-on Vans, some short sleeved button up shirt. His face wasn’t hard, it was soft but defined. We connected after the teacher found out we both hadn’t sang a word in that room. What started out as a team building exercise turned into another search for this boy’s proper range. She told me to sit back down and—as she put it—“Just, wait until we’re done.”
  When it was all said and done, the bell rang. It was the last hour of the day. Afterward we properly met after school. He walked me to the bank my aunt worked at, our conversation was easy enough. He took me out. It was the first time I wore a dress since I was four. I met his friends, they became my friends. They bought me an Xbox. This boy and I had sex, it was my first time. Then senior year happened. Texting everyday turned into a few texts throughout the evening. Weekends turned into a few texts in either the afternoon or the evening. All of the sudden, in October, he announced he was moving to California to be with his mom and dad. He stopped coming to school. He stopped talking to me. He stopped talking to his friends. Or at least I thought. I remember jumping online, seeing my brother on, he was talking to someone, I could hear him. I thought it was everyone else. It was Robin, the boy I was seeing.
  The next day, it felt like everyone was staring at me. My stomach felt hollow, my heart ached, I felt tired, hungover. I floated through the day, I slept in my history class. My friends (his friends) tried talking to me at lunch, but I couldn’t pay attention. I complained about an upset stomach and called Brielle. Her and her girlfriend picked me up. My room felt so big and empty. The white bumpy walls, the dark brown floors, the glass desk in the corner, the TV just above my dresser in front of my bed. My bed’s white blanket, my tan pillowcases. Everything just looked bland and lifeless. I ignored my brother through the rest of the week. He didn’t do anything wrong, though, he just thought I was still talking to Robin, he didn’t know, no one knew he ignored me like that.
  Today, my heart swelled to the size of a grapefruit. My lungs felt punctured. My chest felt like a cinderblock laid atop of it. I sat in the bathroom heaving, trying to catch my breath. No one heard me, Asha went home for the weekend, the girls on the other side went home as well. The ringing in my ears became louder. A harsh pressure pressed onto my sinus’, tears came out of my eyes. It felt like pins kept stabbing my back and across my shoulders. I laid down on my side, curling up into a ball.
  “Jude’s not the same.” I kept groaning through my heavy sobs.
  Jude went home to Lincoln, to see their family, their siblings. Apparently their brother had a kid recently. Jude left on Thursday, they haven’t texted me back. It’s Saturday.
  My brain kept bringing up terrible thoughts, the more I ignored them the louder they got.
  ‘Jude’s done with you.’
  ‘Jude’s tired of you.’
  ‘Jude’s bored of you.’
  ‘Jude knew you were irritating the day you bitched about lying to your instructor.’
  “No, they’re just busy.”
  “No, they’re just busy.”
  “No, they’re just busy.”
  “No, Jude didn’t care, they really just wanted me to move past it.”
  ‘Jude’s just another Robin. For good reason.’
  ‘Jude should move past you if this is how you react to a couple days of silence.’
  ‘Maybe your mom knew how much of a wreck you are, maybe that’s why she left you.’
  I got off the bathroom floor, I walked into my room, my eyes stung, my back hurt, my stomach hurt. I opened my drawer, finding that pill bottle. “Take one(1) as needed”. I dropped two tablets into my hand, stuffing them into my mouth. I grab my bottle of water, washing the pills down into my stomach. I stumble back, chest still on fire, thoughts still racing. I curl up onto my bed. I want my aunty.
“Jude’s memo, September Twenty-Eighth.
‘Eggs, milk, diet soda, Gatorade and a gift for this cute girl I met at school.’ That’s my list for today’s outing. It’s a relatively humid day, my hair feels all flat and my face feels like a cheeseburger. My armpits are kinda yeasty and I don’t care, nothing’s gonna stop me from wearing a tank top today. Anastasia carries my sweater so if those clouds man up and actually do something, I got something to cover up with. Also, I need to pay my phone bill. It’s prepaid, thank god, so no late fees.
I started making these after mom died, our families never been the same. But my brother’s kid being born has done the impossible. I’m driving down to Lincoln to meet up with my sister and we’re gonna go see his beautiful little family. We’re gonna lay our mom to rest, properly this time. When it happened, my siblings and I couldn’t bear to be around each other, we all just saw our mom in each other I guess. Each other. Us. It still really hasn’t hit me that we’re all gonna be in the same room together again. It seems so far away that I’m wondering what Amber might like from Lincoln, what can I find her that she’ll get excited about. Me,
Jaime and Judith are gonna be in a room again but all I can think of is my stupid crush. She’s not stupid, the act of thinking about her over this momentous occasion for the Kent family is strange and dumb.
I don’t know... Amber. She might just be a crush, just a curiosity for the school year, I mean, I’m not even sure if I like graphic design. I like doodling, I like making things, but advertising? Is that me? Maybe Amber is just someone to distract me from those fucking questions, but at the same time, her face keeps popping into my head, I can hear her voice if I just imagine it, I don’t know. She’s much, uh, ‘looser’ these days. She doesn’t seem so tense, so distant. I’ve been sitting next to her in Digital Layout One for the entire year so far, this week was the first time I saw her usually milky face turn colored, splashes of pinks on her cheeks, her lips seem, I don’t know how to describe it, but she seems like there’s just more life to her. Her shoulders slump more, her legs don’t bounce like crazy, her hair sits behind her ears more, she takes off that big ass sweater she’s been wearing. She replaced it with a much more comfortable cardigan. She just seems healthier. Probably because a friend sits next to her. But how ethical is it? I mean, this only started because I have a crush on her. Is this okay? Is it okay to pursue her with the slightest expectation that I might get some coochie at the end of this? The answer is probably no, especially given for the fact that I know next to nothing about her, her past, her wants and her needs. I mean, maybe it’s too early to judge things, perhaps I should slow down this thought of not knowing her well enough, the ethics and just have fun. She likes me well enough, I think. We laugh a lot, she shares her sense of humor with me. I mean, she made a sex joke earlier this week, and it was a fucking cute one at that! Jesus, what do I do? I want McDonald’s, there’s one in Missouri Valley, I’m gonna check it out, give’em a visit, see how those nuggets have been. Does Amber like McDonald’s, I mean we got Chipotle and Taco Bell, she must like McDonald’s. Or maybe she’s just too polite to ask, like I say I want Chipotle and she just goes with it. Maybe these questions are best suited to ask her and not the woman who’s gonna listen to this with me on Monday, Hi Jamie! What do I do? What would my mom say? She’d probably tell me just follow my heart because she really had nothing else to add, she always thought me being wholly queer meant she couldn’t give me adequate advice, but that’s not true, when she did give me advice, it was always fucking good, it was exactly what I needed to hear, even if I didn’t want to hear it. I know examples would be better, but, this recording is getting a little long. My mind is a bit wild today. From meeting Amber, to my brother and his girlfriend finally popping that kid out, getting to see my sister Judith after four fucking years. Maybe the reality of seeing everyone is actually hitting me, maybe I am really nervous and I’m just trying to use Amber as a shield from all of this.”
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jeremystrele · 4 years
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Clare Bowditch On Overcoming Self-Doubt + Being Your Own Kind Of Girl
Clare Bowditch On Overcoming Self-Doubt + Being Your Own Kind Of Girl
Family
Ashe Davenport
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Clare and her husband Marty at home with her twin sons Oscar and Elijah (12) and daughter Asha (16). Flowers by Babylon Flowers. Plants by Hello Botanical. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
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Clare at home in Melbourne’s inner north. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
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Clare with her husband Marty, who she played in bands with for years before admitting they loved each other. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
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Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
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Twins Oscar and Elijah. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
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Clare with her eldest child Asha. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
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Clare with Elijah and Oscar. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
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Clare recently released her poignant memoir, Your Own Kind Of Girl. Flowers by Babylon Flowers. Plants by Hello Botanical. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
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In the kitchen with the fam! Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
Clare Bowditch raised her family in an urban community in Thornbury, in a house with no back fence and a mulberry tree in the yard. She creates without fences too, whether it’s music, her memoir or her company Big Hearted Business. She doesn’t like to compartmentalise. Her feelings are a package deal. 
Clare’s new book, Your Own Kind of Girl is a special gift about overcoming self-doubt and finding your creative voice, but at the book launch she only wanted to say thanks. She presented flowers to all the people who helped her, and at one point asked an entire row of extended family to stand in the audience so they could be applauded too.
We met for lunch at North Island in North Fitzroy. She wore an orange printed dress, cinnamon coloured sunglasses and bright earrings that fluttered either side of her face. Clare Bowditch is fresh flowers personified, and orders a ‘stiff piccolo,’ because she’s no shrinking violet.
Virginia Woolf said you need a fierce attachment to an idea in order to see it through. What was yours to your book? What kept you coming back to it?
When I was 21, I promised myself I’d one day write it, which was 21 years ago now. It took that long. I needed to wait and see if my life worked out or not. Back then I couldn’t have imagined it would. I was dealing with what I now know was anxiety in turbo drive. I was in the throws of a nervous breakdown, but I found some things that helped and I was able to recover. Through art, creativity and techniques to manage my anxiety, I was able to imagine a future beyond my immediate circumstances. I promised at some stage I’d pass the baton. If I look at the past two decades of work, I think that’s what I’ve been trying to do. To keep generating that feeling. I imagined one day I’d be a grown up with kids and a dog and someone to love, where I’d make music and then write a book. It’s curious to me and quite wonderful that it’s indeed what’s happened.
Would you say you manifested it?
I took the action steps, I guess. I had a really clear dream as a kid of what I wanted to do. I forgot what it was, as we often do in life. Things get in the way, our self-doubt gets in the way, but then I learned some ways to get through it.  
What do you find works best for you in overcoming your self-doubt? I know you named your anxiety Frank, which is great.
Frank is an umbrella title for a feeling of foreboding. I came up with it during the very early recovery stage of my breakdown, when I didn’t really know how to separate my emotions. Now I know it was just anxiety that needed training. Reading Jack Kornfield helped a lot, as did a really practical little book by Dr Claire Weekes called Peace from Nervous Suffering. She was a stalwart of the Australian post-war veteran field. She helped people deal with anxiety before it really had a name. Slowly, slowly I was able to work past it, but it took until I was 27 to have the guts to put my own songs in the world. I’d been building that courage from age 21. I still have self-doubt, but these days it can motivate me. It tells me I’m onto something. My songs have always sat in me like pets. I can’t rush them. They come when they’re ready and my job is to make room for them. So I just keep showing up with my pen and paper.
Who did you write your book for?
It’s dedicated to Rowena, my sister who I lost when I was young, Doctor Clare Weekes and my dear friend John Patrick Hedigan, who was the first person I shared my songs with at 22. We started a band together and he introduced me to this cool drummer called Marty (now my husband). John fell in love with my best mate and they went on to have kids too. He passed away earlier this year, so his story is in there too.
It’s a love story and it’s dedicated to the legacies of their grand lives, but I think it’s for anyone who is still suffering from self-doubt and needs something positive to read. The first half isn’t an easy read, but it’s a true read, and I really believe if we tell the truth it helps people feel less alone. It’s a hopeful story. 
It sounds like emotionally expensive behaviour, for which we’re eternally grateful. You give so much of yourself in your music too. How do you replenish the tank?
I think it’s a self-generating engine, the giving and getting, so that’s fulfilling in itself. I’m also restored by the same things that helped me recover when I was 21, baking, gardening, walking, reading, crushing flowers in my hand and smelling them, hanging out with my kids. Simple small things, like sitting with my cup of tea and reading my Design Files!
How do you and Marty share the parenting load?
We were in a band together for four years before we finally admitted we were in love with each other, then we became parents soon after that. So the working relationship was already pretty clear, and we had a firm idea of how we wanted to parent. It was crazy, foolhardy behaviour, but it worked for us. Early on I took on the role as primary carer due to biological reasons, I was a breastfeeding mum, but both of us have always been all hands on deck. I feel very fortunate that we get along well. We have to make an effort these days, but he’s my biggest champion, really, just like I am for him. 
Your Own Kind of Girl is also the name of a pretty special song of yours about body acceptance at any size. What does it mean to you?
I wrote that one for my audience, in response to some beautiful letters I received. I often still get choked up when I play it. I wanted to encourage people to count themselves in. I had to tell a painful story of my own to do that, but I truly believe our peace and strength comes from accepting ourselves for who we are. Our relationship with our bodies is complex and glorious. It’s a big journey. I’m happy to have a song like that out there. Every time I play it, it reminds me that my instinct was right. We’re more than our size. I didn’t know it for a long time.
The world has already started telling my daughters what they should look like. I’ve got a three year old who is conscious of the size of her belly because someone at daycare told her it’s because she eats too much.
It was three for me too. That’s when I first got the message. Now you get to say to her what my mother said to me: ’You’re not too big, you’re a peach and you’re gorgeous.’
Here’s the reality, our body size is a complex interplay between genetics and the way we store our food, and the way we eat in response to things and the size of our forefathers. We haven’t really been able to have a great conversation around that. But we have frameworks like Health at Every Size and great nutritionists like Ellyn Satter, who has some really useful thinking around food. Have a read of her in the context of your daughter, because your baby girl has done nothing wrong.
I will. Thank you. Is fostering a positive body image something you do consciously in your household?
My kids have never had to have a conversation around it for themselves. Curiously it’s not an issue. I’ve always been really open with them about my history, and what the temptations were likely to be for them based on the images around us and the stories we’re told. They understand not to comment on a person’s size, just as we don’t comment on their gender, colour, sexuality and so on. They get that every human has a right to be here in this world and be who they are. You do, I do, they do. They also understand the complexity of the grief I was brought up in and how that factored in. 
Have you found writing your book to be a healing experience?
One of the good things about navigating sadness early on in life is that it gave me the sense that I was never going to be ‘fixed.’ There’s functional and non-functional, and things become non-functional when we have no way to speak the truth about our feelings. I used to think there was some place I’d get to in the future where everything would be perfect. Then I realised there wasn’t, and that’s not such a bad thing.
Carey Grant described his journey to healing as a process of pulling away barnacles and discovering more barnacles. Do you relate to that?
Yes, but there’s gold in there too. That’s why we keep searching. Our barnacles are our circumstances, and we have no say over them, none, just like we can’t choose the weather. Just like I can’t choose my body size or birth. But we have this opportunity to choose the next thought.
Your Own Kind of Girl is about the point in my life I decided to tell myself a different story. If I’d continued to tell myself that there was no hope for me, then that would have perhaps been what was lived out. But I told myself I had a chance at a more hopeful story, and I decided to believe it.
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The whole family together at home. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.
FAMILY FAVOURITES
Rainy day activity
We play a Dutch game called the sjoelbak.
Sunday morning breakfast
My husband is a wonderful cook. Eggs with herbs is his go-to with buttered toast. And a bloody good cup of tea.
Date night?
One of the secrets to working with your partner and still having a love life is going on regular Wednesday night date nights. We usually just find a hole in the wall and toast to the week that’s been.
Go-to album?
Donny Hathaway Live.
Weekend getaway?
We are lucky to have good friends in the town of Castlemaine, it’s only an hour and a half from Melbourne, so it’s the perfect quick getaway. It’s also got a wonderful arts community so sometimes we catch a show at the local theatre.
Ultimate ‘me time’ experience? 
Lying in bed with a cuppa and a wonderful book with golden hour light streaming through the window.
Clare’s first book, Your Own Kind Of Girl, is available now from all good bookstores!
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makeup-wonder-woman · 7 years
Text
A Soulmate to Remember chap 9
A/N- Hey guys! Just wanted you to know that my request box is open and empty
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8
Tags: @welcometothecity, @miss-nerdalots,@marvelsimaginess, @naturalnation123 , @suavehayes @nervouswastelandvoid (let me know if I missed you/you want to be tagged) so I can add you to the list! Hope you enjoyed!
TW: Churches? Otherwise, none
Y/N- Your name
L/N- Last Name
Word count: 1,848
Jason was standing outside of the Sanctuary, still speaking with Pastor Howard when you returned, dressed now your favorite sundress. Jason smiled at You and you blushed, Pastor Howard cleared his throat, “Why don’t the two of you enter, the service will begin in a few minutes.”
Jason offered me his arm, and You took it and we walked into the Sanctuary, your first thought was that Jason would lead you to one of the back rows, but to your surprise he took the two of you right up to the front and sat down right by your old Sunday School teacher. She smiled and waved to you before she and Jason made small talk. The small praise band started playing a few songs, having everyone quiet down and either sing or clap along. You may have mumbled along, feeling a bit too embarrassed to sing with Jason by your side.
  The songs ended and Pastor Howard stood up to speak,"Brothers! Sisters! It's is a find morning to see you all and your smiling faces. I'd like to speak about a closely guarded topic- Soulmates." Everyone seemed to hone in on him, not wanting to miss him speak on a topic that not a lot of preachers talked on, as Soulmates could match and still be the same sex, resulting in conflict within the church.
"I remember it just like it was yesterday. My family was new to Gotham, I was just a sixteen year old hooligan, my soul mark just appearing a week before. When we came to this church for the first time, the pastor greeted us with his daughter and the first words from her mouth were,"Welcome! We're glad you're here." The words that were scrawled beautifully on my left thigh."
  "To be honest, my mind went blank, I could not think of a single thing to say," everyone laughed at his sheepish tone,"So I prayed right then and there 'Lord, please let the next words out of my mouth be understandable!'"
   Pastor Howard laughed,"Unfortunately for me, they weren't quite the best with, 'Thank you, glad to be here, I am."
Everyone busted up laughing,"Thankfully, she was a big Star Wars fan, but more importantly, my future wife laughed and laughed, but gave me a big hug anyway. We had lunch with our very happy families that evening and the rest is history. Now we have two beautiful kids and three adorable grandkids."
  "I can't tell you why God decided to allow us Soul Mates. But I know that he wanted them to serve a purpose. Wether it's to give us the better half to really give us the best life, or a scientific reason that allows us the have the best kids or live longer. Either would work. It always makes my heart very happy when Soul Mates find each other, because I know that they each have someone who will listen and march through this life with them no matter what. Those of you that have found yours, you know this to be true."
"If you haven't found your soul mate yet, I just want you to know that it's okay. Wether you're sixteen or eighty-eight, your soul mate is just as anxious to meet you, and God won't let his sheep travel alone, for he is with you and is always working for your good."
 Everyone either Amen-ed or clapped and you shifted in your seat, they would be winding down now. You'd get the benediction and be able to run away. It'd been a good forty-five minutes, and You were a bit surprised that Pastor Howard's Sherman was so short. Until he turned to Jason and You with a smile, and dread settled in your stomach.
"Luckily, and I didn't know this until about an hour ago, a young member of our congregation has found her soulmate! If you two would come forward, please?"
Reluctantly, You stood and dragged Jason to the front with Pastor Howard, he motioned to us,"You all know Miss. Y/N L/N, one of our nursery workers who has grown up with us, and her soul mate Mr. Jason Wayne!"
 Everyone either cheered, or clapped and there were a few Woo-Hoos from the Youth section from the kids that you have know since you graduated from the program a few years ago. You blushed and Jason ducked his head in discomfort, but had that famous Wayne fake smile anyway.
"Alright, Alright," Pastor Howard waved them off and everyone quieted," I think we have embarrassed Asha enough, now receive this benediction...."
   You scurried to your seat, but Jason just sauntered over. Right after the benediction, and a few more songs, those around the two of you swarmed you to give their congratulations. You and Jason stood there for what felt like thirty minutes, but soon, everyone who had come up had said their piece and welcomed Jason.
  You pulled a stand of hair away from my face and turned to him,"Whew! That was a ride..."
"Shall we?" Jason asked offering me his arm, which you took.
"Where are we going?"
"My secret."
   You grinned, and found that instead of his bike, Jason had opted to drive a fairly nice car, he opened the door for me and you thanked him, and the two of you were off to lunch. He had chosen a fairly well known local restaurant that made everything from scratch, and it was very hard to get a reservation. As you were taken to our seat and handed menus, I peeked over mine at him,"How'd you do this? It takes weeks for people to get a table..."
  Jason smirked,"Oh, you know, names have power. That and Dad gave the owner money to start up after they'd catered a few business meeting and he like the food so much. After it started he, Ma and I came and had lunch or dinner here everyday for a week, and the press caught him here every time. So it's popularity sky-rocketed. So now, the whole family has at least one table available at all times."
  You smiled,"That's a sweet story."
Jason nodded,"Yeah, those were the good old days."
  "Since you've been here so much, what do you recommend?"
 Jason's smile slid from a some-what fake one to a genuine one and he flattened my menu and started pointing at different food and why he liked it. By the end of his recommendations, we had basically gone through the entire menu. And when the waiter came back with our drinks we were debating about ordering almost everything on it. But I shot the idea down saying,"It's just the two of us, we couldn't possibly eat all of it. I say we just close our eyes and point and leave it to chance."
 Jason smirked,"I like it!"
 So you did, and Jason ended up getting a Mac and cheese grilled cheese and you got a French dip sandwich. You took one bit of the sandwich and looked at Jason with wide eyes,"You weren't kidding! This is delicious!"
  Jason beamed,"I'm glad you like it. Here wanna try mine?"
"Only if you get some of mine too,"and the two of you swapped half of your sandwiches for the other and you took a bite from his and giggled after you swallowed,"Geez, Now I can't pick which is better."
 Jason talked with you over your meal, mainly about what we did, you told him you didn't know what you wanted to do with your life just yet so you were going through the community college program for Gotham and that you'd lived here your whole life. Your dad had been apart of the military and your mom was a teacher at Gotham Academy, which you had attended, but not with any of the Wayne children as they had with graduated way before you or had not been eligible due to age.
    You mentioned that you had been apart of the theatre program, Jason got excited and asked you which shows you had been in,"Not a lot. The teacher didn't like me, so she only used me when she needed me. I did get one lead character my last year though. That was nice. My main focus was the more modern pieces, I struggled a little with Shakespeare and the really old plays like Antigone, but I liked them."
 Jason nodded,"I'm a big literature and Theatre buff if I do say myself."
"Really? That's nice, what's your favorite?"
"MacBeth is my favorite play, but I do like a good book now and again. Like Pride and Prejudice."
   You smiled,"Didn't think of you as a bookworm."
   Jason shrugged,"Ma wanted me to have some passion, it just ended up being that."
 The Owner walked up to us with a check, he was still wearing chef uniform as he still like to work back in the kitchen on occasion. He passed us the check and gave us his best smile,"It's been a pleasure Mister Wayne, however, there are far more people with cameras outside waiting to pounce on you to lovely young people."
 Jason eyed the door and did in fact see a bunch of people loitering, many more than considered to be normal. You looked back at Jason who placed enough money of the tab and left a tip for your waiter,"It's been a pleasure as always Mr. Hark, however my lovely lady and I may have to escape the back way."
  Mr. Hark nodded,"I see. Have a lovely day then!"
 Jason took your hand and motioned with his head to the back and we both raced through the kitchen and barged out of the back. The were pounding footfalls headed your way and Jason scooped you up in his arms and raced around the corner. You squealed in protest but hung into him regardless, and Jason managed to circle around the press and got us back to the car unnoticed. He set me down and opened my door again,"Thank you."
 Jason leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek,"No problem, doll."
  You blushed again but then Jason drove you home. He parked the car at the curb and glanced over at you,"Can I call you later?"
  You nodded,"Sure! I'd like that," You leaned over and kissed his cheek before opening the door and climbing out,"Thanks for lunch and the ride!"
  You waved and turned, Jason pressed a hand to his cheek in shock.
Jason arrived back to the manor in a happy mood. Something that is rare for him, but when he walked into the kitchen he was supposed to see his brothers, Tim and Damian, dressed in suits, Tim looked off-put and Damian looked like he wanted to kill Jason, which was actually normal...
 Damian growled,"This is all your fault Todd!"
  Tim shot Jason a sympathetic look,"Dude. Run."
  With that, pounding footsteps of heels were heard and all three boys turned to the door in terror. Mrs. Wayne entered the kitchen, her eyes blazing,"Jason Peter Todd Wayne I have been trying for years to get you to go to church with me. Years!"
Please give me some feedback or some reblogs! I’d love to interact with you guys!
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also, responding to people being way too sweet on this post based on this post from yesterday because I feel weird not replying to them
bethewhitecanary replied: LISTEN. L I S T E N. YOU LISTENING? GOOD. you a gay nerd hot mess. but you MY gay nerd hot mess and you're the best lil bro i could ask for. i love you lots and lots okay? okay.
@bethewhitecanary​: YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME SHUT UP. Okay, for realsies though, I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend as understanding and accepting as you and it’s the most beautiful thing and you’re the most beautiful big sister and I love you lots and lots too okay? Okay. 
gliderofgold replied: a brave and a kind heart who i really enjoy seeing on the dash
@gliderofgold​: You are too sweet. Thank you so much.  ❤ I adore seeing you on my dash too; you’re one of my favourite Lisas and I think you write her so so well and have such a great grasp on her as a person. Thank you for blessing our dashes with perfection.
adaftoldman replied: BRO!!! You are wonderful and we need to talk more fyi but you and mick are STARS
@adaftoldman​: I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER BEEN CALLED A STAR BEFORE AND I’M NOT SURE I AGREE BUT THANK YOU. You too are wonderful and I love your characters and muses like?? a lot?? (I think about our single parents AU sometimes and I Live again) We do need to talk more hbecause you’re spectacular and I love you tbqh
keeperoftheliars replied: Amazing muse and mun
@keeperoftheliars​: Right back at you, luv.  ❤ You yourself are so amazing and so lovely, and don’t even get me started on how well you’ve developed Asha into her own third-dimensional character. You write her so well and love her so much and it really shines through in your writing and I love you both mkay
coldstruck replied: the sweetest mun around that deserves all the sunshine and rainbows. same goes for their son. he deserves the world and more. a brilliant writer that has me hooked with the thread we have.10/10 IGN would recommend
@coldstruck: error: gabriel.exe has stopped working. Okay but seriously what??? What kind of nonsense?? You are too kind to me what the heck. Listen, I love our thread and I love my son and your son and you and basically you deserve the universe times infinity so there. No take backsies. 10/10 would recommend you right back.
poeticpecker replied: I had this open for a while now, listen, i probs sent you anon love already at one point, but i can never not adore you. gabe you are amazing, your writing is amazing and i'm basically a slut for everything you do. i love you, pls stay healthy and maybe try sleeping some more
@poeticpecker: Okay, listen, I don’t know how to break this to you but like... you’re so fantastic and frigging amazing and mean the world to me and like??? I love you a lot and everything you do a lot. You’re so talented and everything you do is perfect. I promise to try and sleep more as long as you do too, mkay?
cmeliorcte replied: really great rper i love seeing on my dash i hope you have a really good day/night!
@cmeliorcte: Aw, thank you so much! I don’t know you too well, but this means a lot to hear and I’ve loved seeing your writing on my dash so far as well. We should definitely do something together sometime. I hope you have a great day/night as well!
nstrings replied: gayest, sweetest, chillest dude on here. you are amazing and talented and i love seeing you around and talking to you 💕 i hope you get to sleep soon because you deserve All the rest.
@nstrings: Wow is it your goal to make me cry today because congratulations you succeeded. Also who told you I was gay..... I don’t know what you’re talking about..... I’m the most Hetero to ever Hetero..... okay but in all seriousness you are so amazing and magnificent and I mean it when I say you and everything you do is stunning. I love seeing you on my dash, interacting with you and just plain chatting. And thank you.  ❤ I hope you are given the stars tonight ‘cause you deserve them and the moon and everything in the sky, let’s be real.
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