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#apologies for the wait with these posts
doppel-drop-distance · 7 months
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The Dubiously Needed, Unnecessarily Extensive Magia Record Stat Sheet Guide: Spirit Enhancement
Now we get into the stuff that really questions my ability to know what I'm talking about! Please correct me if I'm wrong. Please.
Spirit Enhancement is a form of upgrading your units introduced in the Japanese server. By using upgrade materials, a unit can gain further buffs beyond what is provided in their kit, such as increased stats, passives, and actives. 
There are two types of Spirit Enhancement buffs: passives and actives. They work exactly as they do with Memoria: passives are always in play, while actives must be triggered manually. A character’s Spirit Enhancement tree will have a handful of passives and one unique active. 
A character’s Spirit Enhancement tree will have around 12 passive nodes. 4 of these nodes will usually (but not always) be reserved for two Doppel Adept nodes (Doppel Damage Up and Magia Damage Up) and two MP Boost nodes (MP Gain Up When Over 100 MP). That gives you eight passive nodes to add whatever additional buffs that you think support your character’s playstyle. 
I’ll use a recent release, Amaryllis, as an example. 
Amaryllis is a Support type character with four Accele discs. Her Connect, Magia, and Doppel are all focused on inflicting and dealing damage via status ailments. 
Her Spirit Enhancement passives play off of this kit. Many of her nodes support her MP gain with effects like this:
Fast Mana Up: MP Gauge Increased On Battle Start (40% full)
Endor Adept [VIII]: MP Up When Damaged [VIII] (8 MP)
Mana Spring Aura [VIII]: Regenerate MP [VIII] (Self / 13.5 MP / 5 turns from battle start)
By generating Magia quickly, Amaryllis can apply more ailments and deal more damage. She also has some nodes that support her ailment infliction:
Addict Killer [III]: Damage Up Versus Enemies Inflicted With Status Ailments [III] (25%)
Poison Edge [III]: Chance to Poison on Attack [III] (20% / 3 turns)
Addict Killer helps Amaryllis deal more damage with the ailments she inflicts. Likewise, Poison gives her access to a multi-turn ailment, doing more damage over time and giving her more turns to take advantage of the benefits she receives. 
Spirit Enhancement provides the means for your character to have a more specific playstyle, outside of what they can do with their discs, Connect, and Magia. For example, a tank may not have the best MP generation. Their Connect and Magia won’t really be able to help that out. But their Spirit Enhancement may give them effects like MP Up When Damaged and Mp Up When Attacked By Weak Element. This creates a playstyle that encourages tanking hits to retaliate with the Magia. Or, maybe your unit deals the most damage with their Magia when their HP is low. Their Spirit Enhancement could have an effect like Crisis Bloom, which increases Attack and Defense at low HP. These are just ideas, of course. With Spirit Enhancement passives, you have access to nearly the entire skill list. Whatever playstyle you have in mind, there’s usually an effect or two that can define it. 
As with the Connect, there are usually consistent effect percentages for SE passives. Here are the patterns I could find:
Attack Up: 10%
Attack Up At Max Health: 20%
Attack Up At Critical Health: 10-15%
Defense Up: 22.5%
Defense Up At Max Health: 40%
Defense Up At Critical Health: 30%
Damage Up: 10%
Magia Damage Up: 5%
Doppel Damage Up: 5%
Status Ailment Resistance Up: 25%
Accele MP Gain Up: 12.5%
Blast Damage Up: 16.5%
Charged Attack Damage Up: 25%
Charge Disc Damage Up: 10%
MP Gain Up: 7.5-10%
- Attribute Attack Up: 7.5%
Status Ailment On Attack Chance: 15%
Damage Increase: 10%
Damage Up Versus Witches: 15%
Defense Pierce Chance: 15%
Damage Cut: 10%
Accele Damage Cut: 10%
Blast Damage Cut: 15%
- Attribute Damage Cut: 15%
Magia Damage Cut: 20%
Critical Hit Chance: 15%
Evade Chance: 15%
Counter Chance: 20%
Follow Up Attack Chance: 20%
Damage Up Versus Enemies With Status Ailments: 20%
Provoke Chance: 15%
Regenerate HP: 4%
Regenerate MP: 9 MP
Skill Quicken Chance: 15%
Guard Chance: 15%
MP Up When Damaged: 4 MP
MP Up When Attacked By Weak Element: 11 MP
MP Gauge Increased on Battle Start: 15% full
Ignore Damage Cut: 45%
Blast MP Gain Up: 3 MP
If you’re thinking “hey, some of those percentages are kind of small”...Well, yes, they are. But like the EX skill described in the last post, Spirit Enhancement passives give small bonuses, with some exceptions. There are definitely some larger bonuses in there, but as they aren’t the majority, they don’t end up in the list. As always, I would recommend checking the wiki for percentages that fit your character. 
An effect percentage may also look small because a character has more than one of that node. For example, the Doppel Adept node I mentioned earlier. This list describes an average of 5% for Magia Damage Up. But since most characters have at least two nodes with Magia Damage Up, the average is closer to 10%. This is also something you should keep in mind while planning your unit’s SE. Not every passive node has to be unique!
One more thing to consider is that there are occasionally “aura” effects. In Spirit Enhancement, an “aura” is an effect that lasts a certain amount of turns after the start of the battle, usually to an increased effect. Think of it kind of like an EX skill, but with a turn limit. Shizuka Tokime has an example of this with her SE node, Bloom Aura:
Bloom Aura [V]: Attack Up [V] (25%) & Defense Up [VI] (45%) (Allies / 5 turns from battle start)
Do you have a headache yet? Good! Let’s keep going. Don’t worry, there’s only a little bit left. 
Every character gets one Spirit Enhancement active. It’s the equivalent of a third active memoria slot. The effects you have to choose from are the exact same as the passives, with the addition of turn duration, targeting, and different percentages. As always, you can decide the active based on your character’s playstyle. 
Since we already talked about Amaryllis’ SE, let's look at her active.
Quell Bloom [I]: Defense Down [I] (5%) & Defense Down Further [I] (5%) & Attack Down [III] (20%) (All Enemies / 3 turns)
Amaryllis is a character who supports the team by crippling the enemy. This is mainly through ailments, but there’s a bit of debuffs in there as well. Her Magia and Doppel also inflict Defense Down. An debuff active gives Amaryllis more options to restrict the enemy and support her team. 
There are no consistent percentages for actives. As with Magia, the differing targets and turn duration make things too variable. You can use other characters’ SE actives as reference, but memoria are also a good source to sample from. Many SE actives have effects that are similar to memoria. 
…Oh right, you also get stats from Spirit Enhancement, don’t you. This is another thing that’s a bit too variable for me to jump into the Math Witch’s Labyrinth again. I usually determine Spirit Enhancement stats at the same time that I determine base stats. Just like with Growth Type, you can pick one or two characters with the same Type and Growth Type and average out the amount of stats they gain from Spirit Enhancement. From there you can determine how many stats your character might get. 
There’s no real need to split the stats up into individual nodes unless you really want to torture yourself. I just total it all into a single number like I do with base stats. But it’s up to you how you want to approach it!
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jq37 · 2 months
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I am feeling a way about Aelwyn continually inviting Adane to hang out at her apartment even though it's a disaster area with her ten ornery cats and scattered microwave dinner trays. I know a part of that is Brennan just wanting a reason to show the audience the very funny contrast from, "I came here to fuck!" to "Nooo Hector :(" But there's also something to her being like, "I want you here with me even though it will entirely ruin any possible remaining mystique around my cool girl persona"--something she absolutely still cares about in a general sense as she tells Adaine not to tell Fabian anyone else about what her apartment is like. It's one thing to be nice, but it's another to be vulnerable, especially when you've been raised in such a way that every weakness was used as a future attack--so much so that her entire brand of magic is protecting herself and not being vulnerable.
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skyartworkzzz · 1 day
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Like The Other Ones
HI YES IM FINALLY DONE HOLY SHIT
OKAY SO this was based off on my own gameplay of COTL, I noticed that everytime Id put food orders in, Narinder would usually be the one to prepare them And honestly? We love a malewife in this house so I dig that for him, ma guy is a skilled cook <3
As I wrote down the dialogue, it just got deeper than I expected SO HERE YALL GO WITH A FULL ASS COMIC ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP, ENJOY!!!!
This shit took me weeks Ill go recharge my soul now brb-
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valgeristik · 7 months
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This scene for Gale triggered for me in the funniest place possible
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assorted laughingstocks i never posted!
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mikakuna · 1 month
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thoughts about time travel shenanigans where robin jason and bruce are thrust into the future and find themselves on a rooftop during a stormy night? because listen.
they both find themselves on this random rooftop in gotham, but they're not alone because right in front of them is batman of this year and a man wearing a red helmet. this wouldn't have raised much of a concern-- they probably could've just asked the future bruce what happened and how to get home-- except this batman is more violent than jay or bruce anticipated. they watch, stunned, as this batman repeatedly rains his heavy fist down on the other man's face, chest, ribs, and wherever else he can reach.
they watch as the man with the red helmet struggles weakly, consciousness slowly leaving him, before they catch sight of his face in the crack of his hood. both jay and bruce realize at the same time who it is-- that this is future jason despite the hard lines and large ragged body so different from jay's own.
the realization hits right there-- that bruce is beating down on jason more violently than batman has handled any villain.
the bruce of the past feels it before he sees it-- his jay flinching away from him and his tiny hand ripping away from his cape in fear. bruce looks down at his son, his child, and sees the absolute terror in his eyes. after all, why wouldn't jay be so upset? didn't bruce promise never to lay a hand on him like so many adults in his young life already have? didn't bruce swear, crouched down in front of his little boy and gently holding his hands, that he would keep him safe now?
and yet as they stare at each other with horror-filled eyes, the jason of this time finally loses consciousness as his bruce drags him away by the cracks of his helmet, bloody knuckles pressed over his swollen eyelids.
bruce distantly remembers the way jay had shyly called him dad just two days ago. now, he stares as his sweet boy takes a trembling step back, tears threatening to spill down his wide eyes. bruce doesn't think he's hated himself more.
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marvella15 · 9 months
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For one moment, Aziraphale let himself want Crowley
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It's just an instant, not even half of a heartbeat, but he lets himself want all of it. Crowley. The kiss. An "us." He puts his hands on Crowley's back and feels him.
It's nothing like the grip Crowley has on his lapels. This is gentle, reverent. A caress. The way we would expect Aziraphale to hold Crowley.
The kiss is long, something like 10-12 seconds. It's sudden, intense. For most of it, Aziraphale's hands are held out in shock, in a stubborn refusal to admit what's happening and why and that he wants it too. Until, for one instant, he gives in.
And in almost the very same instant, he realizes what he's done and his hands spring away.
But in that one moment, he kisses back. And it's why Crowley holds on a little longer. You go too fast for me, Crowley. So he gives him a little more time.
And when Crowley does pull away, Aziraphale starts to say, "I can't."
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The words are not even sound, just air. Maybe they even would've been better than his chosen alternative. "I can't" isn't "I don't want to." It isn't "You're wrong" or "We shouldn't" or "No."
But "I forgive you"? For Crowley, that cuts deeper and Aziraphale has to know it.
He has to reign himself in to say it and I think he regrets it immediately after. Because when Crowley leaves, Aziraphale's real feelings almost slip out.
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He starts to say, "No."
No, don't leave. No, I've failed. No, this can't be it.
But, yet again, he stops himself. Takes all of that hurt and anguish and devastation and, yes, heartbreak (even if he did the breaking) and pushes it down. Puts on the angelic front just like he's done over and over for six thousand years.
We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don't even like you.
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pineappical · 11 months
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in light of tedtrent becoming so real, im also jumping on the tedtrent epilogue 😊
there's just no way ted wouldn't keep in touch with the others (and have weekly zoom meetings just like in the christmas special) and I just love the thought of the whole team having reunions once in a while.
and going back to trent's arc in s3, the sunflowers conversation, "And your daughter?" "She's never been happier." I think it could go the same for ted.. we've never really properly saw how henry felt about his dad being in london, it's always other people that told ted his son misses him, who's to say henry would rather see his dad happy because that in turn would make him happy too? he was there to win the whole thing, right? I just know ted’s story isn’t done yet when he still hasn’t learned to let others take care of him in return and who else to pair him with than the man who blew up his career because a man was nice to him (and also because they were so. so cruel for the fakeout tedbecca scenes for that finale) 🥺
I'm no writer so just pretend these are snapshots of a slow burn fic where ted visits london for their team reunion and slowly realizes that trent has a crush on him and they kiss about it 💛
#ted lasso#trent crimm#tedependent#ted lasso fanart#tedtrent#ted x trent#I HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS BTW its just that its 4am rn and i cannot type down my thoughts for the life of me </3#im just so not over that ending and how weird it felt for ted to end his story like that.. not like he can turn back to michelle since#dr. jacob is right there.. i want this man to feel loved and cared for and actually have a place he knows he can call home and that was#richmond for me.. to the family we were born with. and to the family we make along the way etc etc etc#ted lasso spoilers#<- FORGOT ABOUT THAT.#i can finally say i loved the ending for all the callbacks and stuff but I NEED THIS MAN TO BE HELDDDD!!!!! *everything explodes around me*#he even went back there WITHOUT BEARD :( his bestfriend for sooo long who was there for all their ups and downs. i dont like beard and jane#being together but the fact ted didnt even go to their wedding too like ...??! what is going onnnn#also graying lasso is just something so indulgent for me . hush#pn.art#JUST YKNOW!!! I HOPE YALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING ITS REALLY REALLY LATE I PROBABLY SHOULDVE WAITED TILL LATER TO POST THIS BUT JAHJVAKDG#my memory is really bad too so i could also be misremembering scenes and im too eepy to check the scenes i had in mind so u_u#ALSO apologies that its taking me sooo long to draw things i recently joined a mc server and ive been playing it all day and night HFSJGFSH#im sooo scared of making these type of posts because i dont have the balls to make the wrong choices in other people's eyes but GRAAH!!!!!#<- i love tedtrent bUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK IM CRINGGGEEEE!!!!!#THATS ALL.... i have more drawings in mind that ill get around to later.. for now goodnight <3
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the-sunlit-earth · 1 year
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petite-phthora · 16 days
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Hell yeah
[DP x DC fic]
[Love at first… murder? - part 17]
<< Prev | Next >>
Part 1
Ao3
---
Danny opens the door to see Red Hood on the other side. They smile and greet each other before Danny steps outside.
“What’s with the bags?” Red Hood asks, gesturing towards the bags Danny has with him.
“Well, this one,” He starts, holding one of the bags up, “is filled with the tp for the manor. While this one,” he holds up the other bag, “has to do with the second part of the date.”
“It’s a surprise for later, so no peeking!” Danny says, wagging his finger.
Red Hood holds up his arms in surrender and nods in response.
“Alright, I won’t peek.”
“Good.” Danny nods, satisfied with the answer.
“Though, would you like me to carry one of those?” Red Hood asks, pointing towards the bags.
Danny opens his mouth to respond but pauses, giving Red Hood a suspicious look.
“This isn’t some ploy to look inside the date bag, is it?”
Red Hood shakes his head in response.
“Nope. Just a genuine question on whether you want me to carry one of those bags or not. No ulterior motives.” He says, not sounding all too convincing.
Danny, who has his eyes still narrowed, gives in.
“Alright. But you carry this one.” He says, handing over the bag with the tp in it.
Red Hood takes it with a nod. They then start walking towards the entrance of the building. Once outside they head over to where Red Hood parked his motorcycle.
“Here, you can put the bags in the saddle bag,” Red Hood says, opening said saddle bag and putting the bag he was carrying inside it before gesturing for Danny to put the one he was carrying in.
After everything is secured and ready, they take off towards the manor.
Instead of going to the front of the manor with the gate, Red Hood takes a different route. They stop somewhere around the back of the manor, beside the stone wall surrounding the property.
Danny takes the bag with the tp with him, leaving the other at the motorcycle.
After looking over the wall to see that none of the manor’s residents are near, they go over it. Luckily for them, the wall isn’t too high and they climb and get down from it with ease.
They go over to the manor and once close enough they stop. Danny holds out the bag he brought between them and opens it up. He takes out some tp rolls and hands one over to Red Hood. They grin at each other.
“Let’s give this manor a little make-over”
“Hell yeah”
Those are the last words spoken between them before they start throwing the rolls at the manor.
---
Danny has another roll of toilet paper in his hand, preparing his next throw. Red Hood is next to him, helmet under his arm, having taken it off a while ago.
They’re both grinning at each other, Red Hood giving Danny a thumbs up in encouragement.
Both grins are quickly wiped off their faces when they hear a pointed ‘ahem’ from behind. Danny turns around startled, the toilet paper roll he was holding falling into the grass when he drops it.
Red Hood, who hadn’t jumped like Danny had, turns around curiously to look at who was interrupting their fun.
Behind them stands an older man with gray hair and a mustache. He’s dressed in an impeccable three-piece suit. He looks at them with a kind and open expression, as if they aren’t trespassers currently defiling the place he works/lives at.
“Good afternoon, Red Hood and guest. Would either of you care for some refreshments? The cookies are just about done.” The newcomer says.
Danny and Red Hood turn to look at each other. Danny gives him a questioning look. Red Hood just shrugs in response. They both turn back to the man in front of them and Danny speaks up.
“Hell yeah, we would love some cookies. If you don’t mind, sir…?”
“Alfred Pennyworth, I’m the Wayne family butler. And your name is?” Mr. Penny inquires as he starts leading them inside the manor and towards the kitchen.
“Danny Fenton at your service, Mr. Pennyworth,” Danny says, doing a silly little bow and almost tripping before he manages to right himself again with a sheepish grin.
“Please, call me Alfred, Mr. Fenton.”
“Only if you call me Danny.”
“Alright. Now, Mr. Danny, Red Hood, would either of you care for a cup of tea?”
---
Jason is looking at Danny and Alfred from a small distance as they are chatting over some cookies and tea. He has his arms crossed and a soft smile across his face.
He doesn’t jump when a voice coming from his right speaks up.
“New Brother?”
He turns to look beside him to see Cass curiously looking over in Danny’s direction. Jason gives her a slight scoff.
“That’s in-law, for you,” he pauses, the next word coming out a lot softer as he turns back to look at Danny who seems to be laughing at something, “hopefully…”
Cass nods in response.
“You’re happy?” She asks with a tilted head.
Jason nods seriously.
Cass smiles.
“Good. Then I’m happy.” She says before disappearing, leaving them be.
---
Behind Danny’s back, Jason catches Alfred’s eye and signs to him.
“I just remembered, the laundry should be done now. Please, excuse me.” Alfred says before leaving the room.
Once Alfred is out of sight Danny turns towards Jason, shoving the last bits of the cookie he was eating inside his mouth.
“So, you ready to get that autograph?” Jason asks him, holding out his hand towards Danny.
Danny glances over at the door Alfred just left through before looking back over at Jason and smiling at him.
“Hell yeah.” He says before taking Jason’s hand and using it to get up from his seat.
Without letting go of his hand, Jason starts leading Danny through the manor.
There’s no way they’d have been able to avoid all cameras in the manor, especially since they went inside with Alfred, so Jason doesn’t bother trying to be sneaky.
They already know of Danny anyway…
While they’re walking towards where Jason knows Tim’s room is, Danny looks curiously around the place.
“Say, how do you know your way around here so well?” He asks Jason.
“I’ve been around here a few times.” He replies casually.  “You don’t wanna know how many of their gala’s have been attacked or the amount of times the Wayne’s have been held hostage” He rolls his eyes. Jason stops walking.
“Alright, I’m pretty sure this is Mr. Drake-Wayne’s room,” Jason says, opening the door of one of the various rooms in the manor and stepping inside.
“Do I want to know how you’d know which rooms belong to which residents?”
“Probably not.”
“Alright, then I won’t ask,” Danny replies with an unconcerned shrug.
Danny looks around the room, inspecting it while taking care not to touch anything.
“Hmmm, do you think he’ll have any documents with his signature here? Or does he keep them all at that Wayne Tower thingy?
“Might’ve been a smarter idea to have gone there for something of use…” Danny says, muttering the last part more to himself than to Jason.
Jason shrugs in response, walking towards the desk.
“He probably has something lying around we could snatch. But if need be, I wouldn’t say no to breaking into the tower and getting the signature from there.”
“More breaking and entering, huh? Would that be another date?” Danny says before fake swooning. “How romantic” Danny grins, trying to ignore how warm his face feels.
Jason snorts at the bit. He then starts looking through the papers lying on the desk,  picking up one of the pieces of paper. He scans it, finding it to be some sort of agreement contract between Wayne Enterprises and some other tech company.
It didn’t seem too important and, knowing Tim, if it were he’d probably already have multiple copies and back-ups at another location.
Now that Jason’s thinking about it, this paper is most likely already a copy and not the original. So he feels no remorse handing it over to Danny.
“Here, check this out.” Jason points to the bottom of the document where Tim’s signature is located.
Danny takes the document from him, glancing over the signature with a smile.
“Alright! This is perfect, thanks Red!” He looks up from the document and beams at Jason, who makes a ‘don’t worry about it’ gesture.
Danny then puts the paper into his bag for safekeeping before speaking up again.
“Soooo… Wanna finish our tp project before ditching this place for the second part of the date?”
“Hell yeah,” Jason responds with a grin.
---
Taglist:
@i-always-say-yea @uraniumwizard @why-must-i-be-like-this @griffinthing @i23432i @imsotiredfanficlovertm @jaguarthecat @arkita-shadow @ilydana @jai-twin
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vigilbutts · 28 days
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okay okay okay i had to stop fussing with these for the time being!
april art party doodles! I didn't manage to grab everyone's urls before I left early, Blanca is @lofilesbo's, and Gneiss Caulk is @ecunderbase's. i'm pretty sure. i think.
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loadinghellsing · 7 months
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back to studying hellsing's style to figure out how to draw the characters... specifically Anderson due to my drawing break.
his face is so funky and complicated, and I've been trying to figure out what all the reasons as to "why" are, when I realized the outline profile of his face has 6 core line behaviors instead of the usual 4.
its not even an art style diffrence, because Alucard and Integra both have 4. And Seras has 3! A demonstration of what I'm talking about;
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basically sections of the face outline. A dip in for the eye, curve out then in for the cheek, out for a more defined jaw/chin (which Seras doesn't have), and of course the forehead which leads into hairline.
Anderson on the other hand... has 6. With the addition of his eye brows and mouth.
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Provided, this allows more emphasis on his eyes and grin which express ALOT about everything his character is. But for that to be visible in character outline? WACK.
I also need to point out Alucard, Seras, and Integra have symmetrical faces (Which is to be expected within animation, its less work and saves costs).
But Anderson's smirk is often a little lopsided (and I love him for it)
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even his full blown grin, tends to be skewed one way or another.
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its one of those small things that make him feel more human, even when he's unhinged feral with instant access to the 4th dimension
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jicklet · 2 years
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OTP of OTPs → Beast Boy and Raven from Teen Titans
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syrasenturi · 7 months
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For a ☕️
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front-facing-pokemon · 2 months
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bubacorn · 2 months
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hc: Vessel is bad at receiving compliments and being told that he is loved (hug inspired by this one, @ghxstly-death put it into words perfectly. thank you, Eden!🫂)
Thinking about Vessel who can't accept compliments, not because he doesn't believe them (that too), but because he'd heard them so many times in the past related to small, unimpressive things. Not 'I'm proud of you', just 'You did good', an automatic response to any and all achievements. He did good. He didn't know what 'good' meant, but apparently, he did that. He has no idea what was good about what he did, so he continues to push himself, to not be a disappointment. If he does good, then that should be enough, right?
He tries for great, for excellent, for something more, but he always gets 'good', unrelated to the effort and time he put into something. He knows he shouldn't wish for more specific compliments, or anything else, really. He should be grateful to be regarded. Everyone around him is so busy, they can't possibly have time to listen to him talk about how in reality, he has no idea what he's doing. How things sometimes just click but he can't tell if what he did is actually worth anything or it was just pure luck. How he doubts himself at every step but learned to hide it, because he has to be good. And good means coping and dealing with things by himself and quietly, because then he will be told that he did good and who wouldn't want to be good?
Vessel who hears 'I love you' for the first time (said with actual love behind it for the very first time) in a really long time from II. He wouldn't tell the other that, but it's clear from the surprise and the hopeful longing in Vessel's eyes. His friend told him he loves him and he doesn't know what to do with that, so he hesitantly steps to him and begins to lift his arms in question. II's heart squeezes at his shyness, after all, the other has spent months alone in the manor, so it's understandable that he would have grown unaccustomed to touch. But then II has to pull Vessel against him, because the man sort of hovers his arms around his frame as if he doesn't know how to approach a hug. Like he isn't sure what is expected of him and what is too much.
Vessel is surprised when II squeezes around his torso, when he brings one arm around his shoulder and the other to his neck, trying to bring Vessel down towards him, like he wants to protect and shelter him. That's strange, but Vessel finds that his arms want to stay wrapped loosely around II a bit longer and just as he starts to pull away, II again says "I love you, Vessel", and Vessel's brain freezes. II squeezes him tighter and Vessel feels so warm and strangely loose (he's afraid he will unravel if he stays too close for too long) and small even though he towers over his friend. His friend who is now holding him and who apparently loves him.
The only thing in his mind stumbles from his tongue in the form of a quiet "Why?". He didn't do anything exceptional. He was showing II an arrangement and said he wasn't sure if it was any good, letting his fingers dance over the keys, feeling like he was stumbling through music. He felt like it captured that familiar insecurity, and he liked it and hoped II would like it, too. Even if it didn't make it into a song. Then II said he did like it, that it feels like Vessel is unsure but it gives the melody a unique flavor, and that Vessel was great for translating that feeling into music.
"'Why?' ?" II's answering question is filled with such disbelief that Vessel wants to hide. He said something inappropriate, something secret that had previously only been dwelling in his mind, in a dark corner, and now he feels exposed. Why did he even open his mouth? Not good. Definitely bad.
Vessel is slumping against II a bit, like he doesn't know how to hold himself upright anymore, like he needs support. II must feel it, because he's still holding him, and it's been minutes and Vessel tries to squirm away, to save any dignity he might still possess, and II lets him slip out of the embrace, but his arms linger like he doesn't want to let go of his friend. His friend who just blurted out the worst response to a confession of gentle affection. Vessel looks so worried when he catches II's gaze and he immediately averts his eyes and takes a few small steps back, unconsciously gravitating towards his piano for protection, a sense of safety.
"You're my friend, Vessel," II tries approaching the man with soft words, "You're kind and considerate and a damn good musician," Vessel stops backing away when the back of his legs hit the edge of his piano bench, but he's still looking at the floor, "You pour your heart into writing and playing and it's amazing to see. You're committed, but patient and you help me every time I need. Even when I'm too embarrassed to ask," II tilts his head and steps a bit closer to try and catch Vessel's gaze, "I know you don't see it and I'm sorry that you can't because it's true. I would never lie to you about this, Ves. I love you, you're my best friend," Vessel presses his lips together, so II adds, "Not just because we live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. You're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm glad Sleep led me to you."
Vessel gives him a look that shows he tries really hard to believe him, and adds in such a low voice it's almost a whisper, "I love you, too," as if he's embarrassed to admit it. But it's not embarrassment, II realizes, it's disbelief, it's some sort of deep shame about needing someone else, of relying on anyone else but himself at all times. And it makes sense, considering Vessel's nature, but II could never put it all together, since large chunks of Vessel's past were unfamiliar to him. He could have guessed based on how the man acted, but he didn't want to assume anything. It felt disrespectful. Vessel would share if he wanted.
"And I'm really glad you found me," just a beat of silence, before he adds, in an even quieter tone, if that's possible, "And that you stayed," Vessel risks a bashful glance towards II, and sees him blink rapidly, shocked by the implication of the other's words, before he shakes himself and steps closer to Vessel. He searches his face for apprehension, but doesn't find any, so he gently puts his hands on Vessel's upper arms and sits him down on his bench. Before Vessel can react, II has his arms wrapped around him, one around his shoulder, and the other's hand cupping the back of his head and cradling it to his front.
"You're important to me, Ves. You're special and precious and I love you," II's fingers caress the man's shoulder and card through his hair, "I want you to know that I'm here for you any time, okay?" Vessel is still stunned and he's sure he's going catch on fire if he gets any warmer. II twists a lock of hair around his finger, "Okay?" Words form and die in Vessel's throat so he just nods, rapidly, almost hurriedly, and II lets out a small chuckle. "You're amazing, you know that?" he nuzzles into Vessel's hair for a moment to murmur, "And adorable," II sways with the man in his arms a little and Vessel is sure he will combust. His face is flaming against II's shirt and he tries to suppress the half grimace-half grin on his face and feels unreal. "C'mon. Tea break?" II smiles down at him and offers a hand. Vessel can stand on his own, but doesn't reject the offer. He likes the warmth of II's hand and he can always use the stability and the reminder of the other's presence. II soon replaces his hand with a mug of tea, but it's considerably colder to Vessel. The contrast is especially palpable when II brushes his knuckles against Vessel's as he's handing him his tea. The mug is warm, but II's skin is burning against his. But it's not bad. It's a good burn. It makes Vessel feel alive. Seen. Loved?
Vessel learns that he doesn't have to prove himself to other people to receive love. Love is not something that has to be earned in their home. Love is not a reward, not something that Vessel has to work for, then be disappointed that in the end, it isn't actually given to him. He tried being good in the past, being silent and keeping his head down and being a good kid, but the warmth and the unconditional love didn't come. He still tried, though, he always tried his best, but apparently that wasn't enough. Or there wasn't actually love at the end of that tunnel. It was just a play of light. But that would have been cruel and Vessel would like to think that people in his past weren't intentionally unkind to him (he won't admit the truth to himself for a while).
II often tells Vessel that he's proud of him. For speaking up. For telling him when he's having a bad day. For asking for distance when he needs it and closeness when he feels like he will drift away. For admitting to messing up, when he falls back into bad habits of self-destruction and isolation. For doing a grocery run by himself even though he goes home almost shaking and has to spend the next hours under a blanket on the couch, because it was simply too much. For crying when he talks about memories that he tried his hardest to forget but he just can't. For asking for help and letting II help him, even though it's hard. It's really hard, and Vessel apologizes for it, for being fucked-up and broken and damaged goods. For wasting II's time and being a burden, a needy, greedy thing. Wretched. Minus human.
But II tells him he loves him and that he could never be a burden. That he will always be worth it, he always has been, and that he's sorry that people in Vessel's past couldn't see it. Couldn't see him for all that he is. For the friend who pays attention to little details so he can show his friend how much he values him. For the guy who bakes his friend a complicated cake for his birthday because he off-handedly told him he can't even remember what it tasted like, even though it used to be his favorite. For the amazing composer who can capture emotions one doesn't realize one has. For the hard-working, curious kid who thought that being obedient and not questioning authority was the way to earn praise and affection. For the little boy who thought something was wrong with him, that he did or didn't do something and that is why he couldn't feel loved. For the child who cried and cried, silent and under the cover of the night, hoping that no one would hear (and secretly hoping that somebody would and they would come and save him from the gaping emptiness that made its home in his chest, way too big and scary for a boy that little). For the boy and then the man who couldn't cry anymore but thought that that is more than alright, at least he can finally keep it all inside. For the partner who allowed himself to be vulnerable with someone he trusted. For the partner who made sure his other knew he was always welcome, even though his brain sometimes tried to tell him otherwise. For the partner who grew comfortable with expressing casual affection so much that terms like 'darling' became second nature to him (and for the way he blushed when II told him that). For the man who learned to accept that it's okay to admit to not being okay, to need someone, to want to not feel alone, to feel cherished, to have his feelings validated. For the man who can tell his partner anything and does, because he knows he can speak his mind and that there will be someone who listens.
II wanted to see Vessel. Vessel let him. Even before he showed the uglier and less than perfect parts of himself, II loved him all the same. It was never about being 'good' and silent and compliant. Vessel is good. Vessel is not good. He's amazing. He's perfect. He's wonderful. He's cherished. He's incredible. He's valued. He's seen. He's listened to. He's heard. He's finally, finally loved. Has been for longer than he dared to think. Will soon be by more people than he thought possible.
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