#anyway unbeknownst to everyone today has been one of the worst days ever i am so stressed and frustrated and angry

[221bshrlocked]

III. Misunderstandings

Pretend You Don’t See Her! Masterlist

Pairing: Mob!Sebastian x Reader

Words: 3176

Warnings: swearing. some angst.

A/N: so this was much longer than I thought it would be. Sorry not sorry. Let me know if you want to be tagged in the masterlist post. And please comment, like and reblog and tell me how I’m doing. I am in constant need of assurance. This is not beta’d.

Previous Part | Next Part

Two weeks. 

It has been two weeks since that night that changed everything. Sebastian was no longer overthinking why you haven’t called. He was plainly angry and it never occurred to him that his anger was the product of how much he was hurting. You weren’t meant to affect him this much and he hated how angry he was all the time. He always prided himself in having the ability to remain objective and neutral during the worst of times. But you somehow managed to change all of this. 

He wasn’t the only one that noticed this. His best friend, even his rather dull men, noticed this shift. Sebastian cracked one night when the asshole came by and told him he knew he was in his part of the neighborhood. Everyone was surprised to say the least. Sebastian never broke his word to anyone, even when it was his enemies. He had aggressively told him he should know his men better. There was honor among thieves and all that. A fight almost broke out when Sebastian decided to tell his rival he should not steal from the poor and had it not been for his most trustworthy and intelligent man, someone would have died that night. So when everyone calmed down and left, Sebastian couldn’t hold back, telling his friend what happened that night and how he was dumb enough to think that she might call. 

“And you didn’t get her name?”

“Would I be in this fuckin’ problem if I did Chris? No, I don’t think so. Besides, even if I did, I can’t go back there. You’ve seen what almost happened tonight. I can’t afford to start another war when we just ended the last one.” Sebastian downed the rest of his drink, growling before he pretended to do something on his phone.

“I’m only asking because you’re obviously affected by this.”

“Well maybe you need to keep your fucking thoughts to yourself. Thought about that?” Sebastian yelled at his friend, immediately regretting how he began to lose control of himself. Never in his life did he think he would get to this point because of a woman. He’d never once spoken to Christ like this and he regretted it immediately. Before he could apologize, Chris was walking out, shutting the door behind him and telling his men to not go anywhere near the boss.

“FuCK!”

Why haven't you called? Why didn’t you come around and ask for him? Were you really that terrified of him? He thought you were different, that you could see through this tough act. He gave you so many incentives to get in touch with him. You needed money and he had it. Surely you would have at least come after him for more? No one in need would be able to deny such an opportunity.

Unbeknownst to him, Chris was already looking up the phone number of the diner you worked at. He vaguely remembered what Sebastian said about your attire and there was only one place in your area that resembled a diner. He made a few calls, knowing very well his boss was most likely going to shoot him when he found out what he’d just done. He left the bar soon after, knowing he shouldn’t be around when his plan worked out. 

On the other side of town, you were chatting up one of the regulars, laughing at something the old woman said about her husband. When your boss called out to you so you could have a break, you told them the other waitress was going to finish up with them. Taking off the dirty apron, you sat in  the lounge and ate your lunch, trying your hardest not to think about Sebastian or how safe you felt around him. You shouldn’t have these thoughts about a complete stranger. He was obviously a dangerous man. But he didn’t seem like he’d purposely hurt anyone innocent. 

But god damn it he was dangerous. It oozed off of him like lava out of a volcano. Maybe that was part of why you were so attracted to him. But nothing good ever came from these kinds of men. 

So busy daydreaming, you didn’t notice your boss walking in and sitting down in front of you. 

“Huh sorry Sam, I didn’t catch that?” You cleaned up after yourself and turned to him.

“So here’s the thing Y/N. I don’t know how to tell you this but-” Your heart sank immediately, knowing where this was going to go. 

“You’re letting me go aren’t you?” You cut him off, surprised by how unhurt you felt by this. When he didn’t respond, you walked towards him and sat down, taking his hands and rubbing them. “It’s alright Sam, don’t you worry about me. I’m a tough girl, I can find another job.” You smiled up at him before getting up and taking off name tag and keys to the diner. 

“Listen, I made a few calls and I found this place you could work at. They’ve been looking for a waitress who knows her shit and I recommended you. Told them you do well under pressure and you’re an honest and responsible woman. I’ve got the address here. It’s good pay too, a lot more than what I could’ve ever paid you. ” He took out a small note and gave it to you, and you couldn’t help but smile at him.

“You’re always looking out for me Sam. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay your kindness.” You looked at the address and noticed how far it is. But you could take the bus. The pay was more anyway.

“You call me letting you go “kindness”?”

“Other bosses wouldn’t have cared or called their friends to find me a job.” You noticed his expression fall but you said nothing. “See you around Sam.” You waved at him and walked out, afraid the tears would break through and you really didn’t want him to feel like shit. 

As you made your way back to your apartment, you couldn’t help but get this feeling about the address in your pocket. 

Hell’s Kitchen. 

That was a whole other world. A different class of people. You knew the pay was definitely going to be better, and that was excluding the tips. You’ve had a friend tell you how often and generously she was tipped.

“Just get through tonight and you’ll be good. Things are looking up after all and you didn’t even use his money.” You whispered to yourself as you looked for a nice outfit to wear. 

And then you remembered where Sebastian’s bar was. You asked the guy at the market a few days ago and he told you it was in Hell’s Kitchen. Maybe this was a sign for you to return his things? Taking a deep breath, you decided to leave a bit early so you could go and return his things. Well, maybe not all of them. He wouldn’t need the coat. 

The entire bus ride there, you weren’t sure if you looked decent enough to see him. Wait, why did it matter how you looked? You weren’t going for anything else apart from returning his things. The purpose of tonight was to look presentable, confident, and diligent for the job, and nothing else. Definitely nothing else.

Or so you thought. 

You readjusted your dress for the tenth time that night and as you made your way through the streets, you smiled at how different this side of the city was. There were more people in every corner you looked, some laughing, some yelling, and some just minding their own business and living. 

“Excuse me, can you help me find this bar?” You walked up to one of the newspaper stands and asked an old man sitting down with his legs crossed, thanking him when he told you to continue walking and make a left at the end of the street. 

A few minutes passed, and you realized you were walking faster than usual. Even your body reacted to knowing you were near him and you would think about that later, not now. Not when you were about to meet him. Right now, you just needed to give him his things and leave to make it in time for your interview. 

When you finally turned around the corner, you halted in your steps and gasped. The bar was definitely not a bar. It looked like an entire fucking hotel. Even the name of the bar was at least one story high. But that wasn’t the problem. Far from it.

The problem was the fact that the street name and address of the bar were the same as the one Sam gave you. Was this some kind of joke? You didn’t know what to do other than walk towards the entrance and talk to the men standing there.

As you approached, one of the men stretched his hand out and stopped you.

“H-hi, I umm, my boss, well ex-boss, told me there is a waitress wanted here? I’m...I’m here for...f-for the interview, if there is an interview.” You stammered through the sentence, hoping that one of them would have an idea of what you were talking about. You were about to apologize when they stepped aside and one of them went ahead of you and led you inside. You thanked the other man and he nodded at you before shutting the door after you entered. 

It was such a different atmosphere inside. There wasn’t a single seat open and there was a jazz band on the stage and my god was the singer pretty.

“You here for the job opening?” A man came out of nowhere and you jumped at how loud he was, nodding and telling him about your boss Sam and what he told you. You thought you a shift in his facial expression but you didn’t question him, smiling when he led you towards the back to his office. 

As you entered, he shut the door behind him and you suddenly felt uneasy.

“A-are you the owner of this bar?”

“Hah no no, I’m just the guy running it while the boss is away. I’m Anthony by the way.” He crossed his legs and continued to stare at you.

“Oh so, the- the boss is not here today. I can come back another day. I’m sorry I didn’t call ahead or ask or set an appointment or ever ask for one. God I-” Panic filled your lungs and you felt the room getting hotter at the prospect of getting kicked out before the interview. 

“Hey hey relax, you’re alright. I know this is probably a lot for you, seeing this establishment and how much bigger it is than where you used to work.” He tried to reassure you but you were afraid of what his words implied.

“How did you know where I worked?” 

“Well, you were suggested by Sam. You are the waitress he spoke of right? Not someone else trying to take the job?” He leaned forward and you shook your head instantly.

“No no I swear it’s me. Sorry I just, it’s been a while since I did this and I’m not really sure how these things go when it’s a packed place.”

“Okay, here’s the thing. Normally, I talk to you, then Chris who’s my boss, talks to you to make sure you’re fit for us. Then the big boss sits down because he tends to read people better than most.” When you said nothing, Anthony continued to talk.

“But you’re a special case. So the good news is, you won’t need to talk to Chris or anyone else. Just me. Are you feeling alright?”

“Y-yes sir.”

“None of that, just call me Tony. Now, I only have a few questions for you and the job is yours. You do well under pressure?”

“Yes sir- sorry, I mean Tony. Yes Tony. I’ve worked in different environments and bars and diners and I assure you I’m very good at my job.” You sat at the edge of your seat and maintained eye contact with him.

“Good. Are you on any types of drugs? Perhaps an alcoholic?”

“No never. My mama raised me better than that. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just don’t prefer either.” You prided yourself in how your voice never faltered when you spoke to him.

“And lastly, you think you’ll do alright working a twelve hour shift, maybe more depending on how many customers we have?”

“Yes. But-”

“Yes?” Tony asked and you didn’t want to already start a problem.

“Well I, I live on the other side of town and if I’m working late into the night, I am afraid of making it back to my place by myself. It’s an hour on the bus.”

“Then you need to move down here.”

“I...umm, I’ll try.”

“You’ll try? Do you not want this job?”

“Sir I am so sorry I really do want the job I swear. I just- I have no money and I have an arrangement with the owner of my building and I don’t think I’ll be able to afford anything on this side of town.”

“How much were you getting paid?” When he saw how reluctant you were in responding, he reassured you Sam wouldn’t get in trouble. 

“The most I was ever paid was nine an hour.” You whispered to him and blinked in surprise when at his response. 

“Well fuck!” Tony was quiet for a bit before he took a deep breath before he spoke to you again.

“Alright, how about this, I will keep you on a twelve hour shift and you come by at seven every morning. Once you have enough money, you can move down here and we’ll up your hours. Sounds good?”

“With all due respect sir, I don’t know how much you’ll pay me so I don’t know if I can afford an apartment down here.”

“You’ll start at twenty and hour, and if you’re as good as you say, we’ll make it thirty. You alright with that?” Tony couldn’t hold back the smile when your eyes almost fell out of their sockets when he told you the numbers. 

“Yes sir. Yes that’s more than enough, thank you sir.”

“Please, it’s Tony. Practice it. Just Tony. And the job is yours.” He stood up and you almost fell over when you tried to stand uo to shake his hands, the smile never leaving your face. Tony was heading to the door and lead you out when it was pushed open aggressively. 

You jumped in your place and almost dropped your things when you saw who just walked in. 

“Where the hell is Chris? I ask everyone and they tell me he just up and left when we have a deal to c-” The words died in his throat when he looked part Tony and saw who was standing behind him.

Time stood still and your heart skipped a beat when you looked at him. You could tell he was as taken aback by your presence as you were by his. But the moment faded away when he spoke again, leaving a hollow place in your heart that quickly filled with hurt.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” He spat at Tony and you could tell that Tony didn’t expect Sebastian to know who you were.

“Just hired her for a job.” Tony said, unphased by how he was being spoken to.

“Who the fuck told you to do that?” Sebastian put his hands in his pockets and you couldn’t help but admire how lean he looked when he wasn't wearing a million layers. 

“Well, Chris told me to-”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill that son of a bitch when he gets here.” He focused on you again, watching your expression fall with every violent word that came out of his mouth. Without saying anything else, he left.

Tony turned to you and raised an eyebrow before telling you that you still had the job.

“You start tomorrow alright? Be here at seven sharp.” He was about to lead you away when you stopped him and asked for a favor.

“I...I know this is random and weird and please don’t ask me what happened because based on that reaction, I’m probably in no place to speak. But could you possibly give these to him?” You went through your bag and brought out the money and the watch you wrapped in newspapers. “These belong to him and I have been meaning to return them to him when he left them at- well, it doesn’t matter. They belong to him. And I don’t think he’ll want to see me right now.”

Tony looked down and nodded, taking the things from you and telling you to not worry about him. 

“I’m really sorry Y/N. He isn’t normally like that, trust me. I’ve worked with him for decades.”

You almost told him you knew what he meant but you chose against it, deciding to just nod at him and leave. 

You almost cried on the bus on your way back but you held yourself until you were in the safety of your home, throwing yourself on the bed and crying yourself to sleep as you covered yourself with his coat. You should have been happy, ecstatic, fucking thankful because of the chance of a lifetime. 

But it hurt knowing how much you weren’t wanted there. You’d ripped up the note he gave you weeks ago, knowing he didn’t mean anything he wrote down and that it was a good decision to never take him up on the offer. 

Hours later, Tony knocked on Sebastian’s door and walked in without waiting for an answer, already knowing he was going to be yelled at or worse.

“The fuck you want? And where is Chris?”

“He ain’t coming around tonight. Here, Y/L/N wanted me to give this to you.”

“Who the fuck is Y/L/N?”

“The poor girl you yelled and swore at for not fucking reason other than having a stick up your ass.” Tony said, knowing he was probably crossing a line with Sebastian but it was something he definitely needed to hear. Sebastian almost lost his temper but he somehow remained calm, grabbing the object out of Tony’s hand before telling him to leave. 

As he sat down and ripped the newspapers, his eyes widened, not sure out of surprise or horror.

There they were, all the money and the watch he left. Not one dollar was messing. 

“FUCK!” He swore, slamming the watch against the wall before leaning backward on his chair.

You were nothing like he expected. 

As he reevaluated his actions, he couldn’t help but notice that a few things were off. She returned the four grand, and the watch. But where was his coat? And more importantly, what the fuck was he going to say to her when she started her shift?

Tags (some aren’t working): @feelmyroarrrr @yallneedtrek @talk-geek-to-me @lovecatystuff @scuzmunkie  @diablefatale @ayybtch @searchingforbuckyfavs​ @that-damn-girl​ @ruthyalva96​ @pizzarollpatrol​ @calwitch​ @maybeisthemoon​ @metalarmsandmanbuns​ @saliarheva​ @becs-bunker​ @gogomez-509​ @hailmary-yramliah​ @sycochick​ @evilxcupcakexnik​ @redgillan​ @dragonqueen0606​ @sydthekid1518​ @bbmommy0902​ @honey-bee-holly​ @godohammers​ @mazarinqueen​ @ladifreakingda @duhh-danielly​ @buckysoldierstories​

#mob!sebastian #mobster au #mob!sebastian x reader #mob!sebastian au #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian x reader #mobster!sebastian #mobster!sebastian x reader #mobster sebastian au #mob sebastian au #mob sebastian

[haiky-u-lously]

King Kuroo and the Red Knights (1)

Summary: A Camelot AU where King Arthur is Kuroo Tetsuro, and the Knights of the Roundtable of characters from seasons 1-4 of the HQ anime. Eventual Kuroo X Reader. 

Themes: Fluff, Angst, Humor, Eventual Romance

Warnings: Mentions of stalking and abuse of power, Language, Angst in feelings, Eventual gore and fighting

Word Count: For Chapter: ~1800words 

Questions/Comments/Concerns/Ideas welcome as always. Enjoy! --Admin Red

Chapter 1: Preamble

The King sat upon his throne, regal in his attire but the entire kingdom knew by now how much time he spent to make sure his hair looked nice and kept. The crown surrounding the dark locks did not help the material weaved in to hold the hair in place, since the additional weight liked to move even the smallest strand which would of course affect the others.

King Kuroo’s golden eyes roamed over the documents an aide had just given him as he thought about what his next goal should be. 

He had finally managed to unite the territories surrounding Camelot and with his knights assistance, ruling the kingdom had become a breeze. Especially considering how disastrous his first few weeks as King had been. Thinking about that period, he realized that without his wife and best friends he would never have made it to a point where true peace prospered in his kingdom. He smiled to himself as he decided to treat them to a nice banquet to show how much he still appreciated them being in his life.

Finished thinking about his own life and immediate future, Kuroo reread the parchment in his hands, his eyes bulging as the words and their meaning connected in his mind.

Shooting up from his seated position, he threw his arms out and yelled towards the courier, “Does this parchment speak the truth?”

The plain looking man bowed deeply before affirming, explaining that he was told the letter contained urgent business for the King.

Once confirmed, Kuroo jumped in joy. “Futa!” He turned to his right hand man, and excitedly explained, “The Red Knights are coming to Camelot!”

Futakuchi’s eyes bulged in surprise at the King’s announcement. “No way…” He whispered as he recalled the stories of the Red Knights from sneaking around the castle’s library. “But, no one has heard of the Red Knights since they came and rejected your father’s rule 5 years into his term. Are you sure this isn’t some trick by some other nation?”

Kuroo rolled his eyes at Futakuchi’s comment, returning his gaze to the letter and a grin over taking his face once more. “I’m sure. My father had told me all the stories of the red knights, including what his letter said to prove it was them. This one says the same thing.” He jumped and squeezed the parchment between his hands. “Ah! This is so exciting! I actually get to meet the Red Knights! And! If they approve of my rule, we know this peaceful period will last! Don’t you understand how magnificent this is, Futa?”

Still skeptical, the retainer asked to read the letter himself, “My lord, at least let me read the letter myself. To confirm your words and to double check no spells were cast onto the parchment. I mean we wouldn’t want you to be blind sided because you were too busy acting like a drumstick to take necessary precautions with something this...big.”

The look Kuroo sent him caused Futakuchi to bend over in laughter.

“Did you just call me a drumstick?” He asked evenly.

Futakuchi just smiled, “Well I didn’t compliment you, that’s for sure.”

“Why, you little!” Kuroo yelled as he stepped and then chased after his friend. The pair racing around the throne room until the King gave up and popped back into his seat, “Now look what you did. My hair is all messed up again. Yuurei is going to be so upset.”

“Ah, let her.” Futakuchi said without missing a beat, as he walked up to and grabbed the letter from his King. He read over the words scribbled down and smiled to himself, “It seems you aren’t a complete plothole, your highness. The Red Knights really are sending a representative to Camelot.” He continued reading and then his eyes shot out again and his face took on a serious look. “They are going to be here in a week’s time? What the heck! Did they head out the day after sending this letter? That’s so little warning!” He complained, imagining all the work Kuroo was going to make him do.

Kuroo laughed wholeheartedly. “Well, father only got 3 days notice, so we are lucky in that regard. Oh! Futa! We have to recall the knights! Everyone should be here for this momentous occasion.”

As he straightened his posture, he motioned to the courier to give him the next letter.

“Yea sure, let me just track down eleven grown men and figure out how to not only contact them but get them here within the span of a week. That isn’t an impossible task at all.” Futakuchi sassed back.

Kuroo nodded his head absently, not having really listened to his friend, “Great, knew I could count on you. Good luck.”

Futakuchi rolled his eyes for good measure and left the room to get to his new task.

_____________________________________________________

“Oh!” A voice exclaimed with a high pitch. “Futakuchi, I am surprised to see you on this side of the castle. Are you not reviewing letters with Kuroo today?” Lady Yuurei inquired of him.

He smiled back at her, “Actually, his highness is still doing just that. But he sent me on a different task for today. Actually, Yuurei, do you know where I can send a message to any of the other Knights? My current task is to call everyone back to the castle, but as you know, many of the knights like to run off at the worst possible times.”

She laughed at Futakuchi’s assessment of the men tasked with the highest responsibilities in the kingdom, but shook her head in the negative. “Though that makes sense why you would be here. Looking for Sir Bokuto I would assume?”

Futakuchi nodded simply.

“Very well, best of luck meeting his Highness’ standards this time around Futa.”

“Thank you, Lady Yuurei.” As soon as he turned away from her, his smile fell and he mumbled to himself about what a two-faced person she ended up being. She’d been so different when he first met her, so caring...and then she had to go and cheat on his best friend with the man he owed his life to. Futakuchi knew that Kuroo would wilt away into nothing if he found out about Yuurei and Bokuto. Especially in a time when there wasn’t much else to occupy his mind.

He also knew how much Bokuto regretted the affair. And, how many times he’d asked the wizard for potions to make the Queen forget her feelings so he didn’t hurt his best friend. No, Futakuchi didn’t blame Bokuto for the relationship because he had done all within his power to avoid the Queen. Well, all except tell the King himself.

He was still a Knight, Futakuchi reminded himself. He was still liable to following the King and Queen’s orders, no matter how for or against them he was.

Yea, Futakuchi couldn’t hold it against him. Even though he really really wanted to.

Finally in front of the man’s room on the emptiest part of the castle, he knocked twice before letting himself enter. “Sir Bokuto. I need your assistance if you are free.” Looking around the room as soon as he entered, Futakuchi expected to see the Knight. He was surprised to see him climbing out of the dresser after his name had been called. “Sir Bokuto?”

“Thank the gods it was you, Futa.” He sighed in relief, glancing around the wizard’s form still looking scared despite his tone, and shut the room door. He leaned against it as he visibly relaxed. “Seriously, I am glad to see you my friend. Did you finish that new potion yet?”

His voice was hopeful and Futakuchi hated to let him down, but he hadn’t finished it yet. “Sorry, but no. Since she was immune to the others we tried, I’ve had to research a lot more to try and find something new, but haven’t yet felt I’ve stumbled upon something useful.” The brunet patted the shoulders of the salt-and-pepper-haired male before him. “But hang in there! You moved to the other side of the castle, so at the very least it is harder to find excuses to come this far out, right?” He tried to keep the Knight happy.

“Yes, but on days when you and the King are locked away dealing with documents of some sort of other for hours at a time, she loses her guards and comes here anyway. I’m fairly certain she thinks I did this so we could be even more private and that is absolutely terrifying. Because if Kuroo ever finds out, he could have the same idea and—!” He started to ramble before being cut off.

Futakuchi held his hand over Bokuto’s mouth, a deep frown over his face and determination set in his eyes. “I promise to you, on my life, I will make sure that if the King ever finds out the only person that gets blamed is the Queen herself. That all your struggles are known. Understood?”

With nothing left for him to say, Bokuto simply nodded.

The brunet dropped his hand, and grinned. “Now, for what I need help with.” His smile grew as  wide as his level of anticipation at sharing the news with the first Knight of the roundtable. “The Red Knights are coming to Camelot, and the king wants the entire council to be here. So, want to help me contact everyone and get them here in a week's time? It’ll be fun and you’ll have a work excuse to come find me anytime to help escape Yuurei’s clutches.”

Understanding exactly what it meant for the Red Knights to be visiting now, Bokuto was more than excited. “The red Knights are really coming to Camelot?”

Futakuchi just kept his wide grin, and said, “Yes.”

“YES! Yes! Yes!” Bokuto exclaimed so loud it scared the birds hanging out on the trees outside his windows. “Kuroo must be so excited! Of course! I’ll help in any way I can! Futa! The Red Knights are coming to Camelot!!”

Unbeknownst to the two males hidden away in bedchambers, walking the hall at that moment was Prince Daishou, second hair to the throne of Camelot, and dark magic practitioner.

“The Red Knights are coming to Camelot, huh?” He whisper-repeated to himself. Crafting a message to his allies hidden in the forest outside King Kuroo’s ruling hand. ‘Oikawa, the Red Knights are to visit Camelot soon. Perhaps we can use this as a chance to overthrow his idiocracy and take charge of the kingdom that rightfully belongs to us’. Once he finished, the author blew the fire-written message out, causing it to disappear into the air, on its way to the intended target with the breeze.

Table of contents                                                                            Chapter 2

#haikyuu!! #haikyū!! #haikyuuwritersnet #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsurō #futakuchi kenji #camelot au #reader insert #eventual romance #fluff #angst #humor #KKATRK #admin red #chapter 1 #preamble #please tell me what you think of this #if noone wants to read it that's fine Ill just type it out formyself #but i would like to share it with others if anyone finds joy from it #Bokuto Koutarou

[butterfly-619]

An Epilogue To Of Mice And Men

Last school year, my English teacher had us write an epilogue to Of Mice And Men by John Steinbeck (1937). We had to try and write it in the same style Steinbeck did. It was really fun tbh.

SO

trigger warnings; murder, bodily dismemberment, references to murder, suicidal thoughts, alcohol, alcoholism, swearing, and blood

thanks @sleepyfan-blog​ for reading this over and helping me with labeling the triggers!

George went to the bar every Sunday, but before he went back to the Ranch, he went to where he killed Lennie. Unbeknownst to everyone, he was saving up more money than expected for a Sunday drunk. The first time he went back to Lennie’s dead body, he began to preserve his body the best that he could.

“I’m sorry, Lennie. I’m gonna make it up, ta ya.” The intoxicated griever has been looming over Lennie’s body for almost thirty minutes by now before he took action on his plan. George had brought a knife and many, many newspapers. 

“Just you see.”

George took the newspapers and placed them next to the other before unsheathing the knife, carefully cutting open the skin on the side of Lennie’s neck. He watched the dark crimson blood drip down Lennie onto the earth he lied on before he took a few newspapers and let some of the blood soak on it. He put those newspapers to the other side of Lennie’s body and cut the initial hole a bit larger to let the body drain faster. This was all he needed to do this week. 

“I’ll be back next week, kay?”

He returned to the Ranch and activities resumed as if nothing happened. No one saw anything off, yet Candy and Slim continued to ask him over and over how he was feeling.

“Hey, George, how are ya today?” Slim was the one to ask him today

“I don’ get why ya two keeps on askin’ me this. I’m fine. And I’ll be fine ‘morrow too.” George was annoyed; he didn’t need anyone asking him these things. 

“Ya know Candy an’ I worry. We have a right ta, ya know.” George merely nodded dismissively before standing up to do his work. 

“George-” Slim couldn’t finish before George had walked out of the building, he sighed and got up himself. Everyone had a job at the Ranch, and they had to do it unless they wanted to get fired.

The next week was more eventful than anyone had ever hoped to be.

Candy died while asleep, and Crooks was the one to feel Boss’ anger. No one bothered to interrupt as Crooks screamed in agony. The only words anyone heard was “Damn it, nigger, shut yer mouth!”

Like last week, he went over to Lennie’s body before going back to the Ranch. The odor of decay and death didn’t bother George in his drunken state.

“I’m back like I said, Lennie.” The blood had finished draining, so George started on the next part of the process. He took his newest object, a rod curved on the end and slowly inserted it into Lennie’s nose. “‘M sorry if this hurts Lennie. I’ll do this as fast as I can.” An hour or so later, George finished and threw the matter into the river.

No one talked to George the next week. If they did, he didn’t notice.

“Hey, Lennie, I’m almost done.” He took the knife and cut open Lennie’s chest in the shape of a ‘y,’ then took out the organs. As steadily as a drunk man could in the middle of the night, George stitched up Lennie and hid his body again. “Next week, Lennie, next week, it’ll be ‘oer.”

Like George said, instead of going to drink, he went to Lennie’s body and put it in a large bag he bought with the money he had saved up since he shot Lennie and killed him. He grimaced from the weight of Lennie’s body, even without the factors George removed weeks earlier.

Hours past and it was nearing midnight when George first slipped.

“Damn it!” Where George had fallen almost made him lose some of his hard-earned progress as he walked up the dangerously steep incline. Dirt, rocks, sticks, and whatever else was on the ground stuck into the wounds on George’s knees, palms, and shins. Every step and breath felt like fire, but George continued to go onwards, almost reaching his destination. A cave that he had heard of from the bar he drank at for the past few weeks. “We’re ‘ere Lennie. Right where you said you would go if I didn’t want you.” He smiled, filled with melancholy before he sat down and took Lennie out of the bag. It was almost sunrise by the time George had made it. George’s stomach growled as it gave him a sharp stab of pain, the sign of hunger.

“Oh, shut up. You’re not gettin’ fed anymore. I don’ deserve it, anyway.” He took out one of the many bottles of whiskey he brought with him and downed it faster than anyone sane would’ve. 

Days passed, and bottle after bottle was drunk, an average of two or three every hour passed when George was conscious.

“‘A damn idiot, that’s what I am. That’s all I’ve ever been.” He broke the last bottle he drank on the wall next to him, glass flying everywhere. Some had hit him, five new cuts his left arm, the one he used to break the bottle, two on his legs, three on his torso, and one on his face. As luck would let, the one on his face was right underneath his left eye and impaled the skin deep enough and at the angle where his eye was now injured. “Damn it!” The already infected and untreated wounds were aching even more than normal as the count of his many cuts grew after the glass shattered. 

His supply of whiskey was depleted during the next few days, and he had finally felt the effects of his forced starvation kicking in. The cave that George and Lennie’s corpse was in had the unmistakable stench of death, decay, alcohol, and urine. The energy given off was even worse to those who could feel it. The cave emitted grief, regret, guilt, self-hatred, and the worst of all to George, pity. George hated that he pitied himself. He hated that he felt anything towards himself in general.

The next week passed, and the aura changed, it went from one person to the environment. It wasn’t anyone anymore.

Children playing could be heard as they ran towards the cave, unknowing of the horrific scene awaiting them. The first child to see the two corpses stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide open, and screamed in terror. 

#tw: murder #tw: bodily dismemberment #tw: references to murder #tw: suicidal thoughts #tw: alcohol #tw: alcholism #tw: swearing #tw: blood #my writing

[sanctferum]

Steven Universe – Now We’re Only Falling Apart reactions

Hey, it’s another Stevenbomb, and therefore another pseudo-liveblog of an episode!

Last time on Steven Universe: Rose was, in fact, a shape-shifted Pink Diamond, making Steven himself Pink Diamond. Pearl knew all along, of course. Steven and Amethyst are shocked, and Garnet…is about to suffer a meltdown over the whole thing, for understandable reasons.

Onto the current episode! Amethyst is kinda freaking the hell out.

When PD reformed, she reformed in the shape of Rose, with her gem in its fake position to start with – there’s no way anyone, even a Diamond, could’ve kept up a mere shapeshift for 6000 years, after all. And thanks to Pearl’s tireless efforts, she was never poofed, so the truth didn’t come out that way.

Apparently, now that the Crystal Gems know the truth, PD’s command to Pearl is no longer binding, or at least isn’t with people and gems who are in the know. I think.

Yeah, having the name ��Pink” generally leads to your stuff having specific color schemes. Speaking of cotton candy, isn’t that what everyone compares Garnet’s first fusion to?

And speaking of Garnet…yeah. Speaking of Ruby and Sapphire, more like it.

Sapphire is hurt and feels utterly betrayed. And it’s not just that Rose lied. It’s that Sapphire has future vision. Her JOB as a gem is to know things. And even if the truth was so deeply hidden, Sapphire could have found out. The reason she didn’t, is that due to her trust in Rose, she never bothered to look for any deeper hidden truths in the first place.

She put her trust in Rose. Fully, and, as we saw in The Answer, without question. And it’s thanks to that, that she was able to do the same with Ruby. THAT is Garnet.

That WAS Garnet.

Sapphire flees via warp pad. Pearl and Steven head after her, while Amethyst sits shellshocked on the couch and Ruby bawls her eyes out.

First stop, Rose’s fountain. Ooh, lucky guess, that’s exactly where Sapphire is. And she’s not afraid to use her ice powers to stop Pearl and Steven from getting close to her.

Sapphire, in despair, can’t help seeing the whole thing as not just Rose’s fault, but her intended results. If Rose was a Diamond, then, from Sapphire’s point of view, of course all the pain and suffering and corruption and shattering was something she wanted to happen. It’s a simplistic view, that Diamond = evil full stop. And it’s a view that in the end, would seem to absolve the Diamonds of their crimes – if they’re inherently evil, are they truly responsible for the suffering they bring? But Sapphire’s not exactly in the mood to think clearly, and I know all too well that when you’re in a bad place, you start to assume the worst of everything, and overexaggerate all the bad while downplaying the good.

And of course, if Sapphire’s vaunted powers couldn’t uncover Rose’s deception…for now, she’s lost all faith in being able to use those powers…

Pearl starts to explain Rose/Pink’s backstory…and her own. At the time the two of them first met, Pink still didn’t have her own colony. A couple thousand years before Pink was gifted Earth…she was gifted a present from her older sisters (I’m assuming Pearl was from White Diamond’s court in particular). A Pearl. A status symbol, to try and make Pink a bit happier than the angsty rebellious teenager she was.

By the time she was given Earth, Pink had matured somewhat from how she was in Jungle Moon, albeit a long way from becoming a true Diamond, or even the rebel Quartz she’s eventually masquerade as. And Pearl…was, like Yellow Pearl and Blue Pearl have been seen as, a mere yes-man and servant, a far cry from the “terrifying renegade Pearl” Sapphire would eventually hear rumors of.

Interesting! At this point in Earth’s history, the prime kindergarten was being worked on, as seen on the holo-globe. And the shape of the continent it’s on…hmmm. I’d thought Florida’s absence from the SU version of Earth was caused by some sort of gem event, perhaps something during the war. But not just Florida, but much of the surrounding area, is just…not there. I don’t know what the Earth looked like 10000-7000 years ago, or however long this takes place, so I dunno if this image matches up with our world’s version, but…South America still contains much of what would eventually become Africa, what will become Greenland is a lot smaller than what Greenland is today, etc etc.

Anyways, PD is clearly pretty bored. However, the kindergarten is starting to bear fruit – quartz soldiers, though none have actually been fully created yet. But soon, they will emerge. And PD wants to watch! Luckily, she’s on the throne in the moon base, and the viewing orb that Lapis will use many thousands of years in the future is in perfect condition, and only a flight of stairs away.

Hmmm. PD seems awfully excited about creating life. But, there’s no way she wouldn’t know about how that works, right? That creating gems uses up energy? That the energy taken will eventually leave nothing behind for organic life? She must be well aware of that by now, she just hasn’t had any reason to care about lifeforms other than gems, due to the way she was raised.

First quartz out of the prime kindergarten is an Amethyst! A regular sized one, of course.

PD welcomes the new amethyst to Earth, but is reminded that she isn’t actually there via the amethyst not being able to hear her, and walking right through her to two other amethysts that have either beaten this one to the “first gem born out of the kindergarten” achievement or maybe they were part of the crew that set up the kindergarten in the first place?

PD, naïve as she is, wants to be part of the gang. She wants to be friends with the amethysts, and seems unaware that in her current position, that simply isn’t possible. I wonder if a bad experience at trying to befriend those who can’t see her as anything but their ruler will be what makes her invent Rose?

Oh, nevermind, she didn’t come up with Rose at all. Pearl did. Pearl, trying to figure out how to let PD mingle with the other gems without Blue and Yellow ever finding out, had a spur-of-the-moment idea – a shapeshift-aided disguise, one that would let PD pass as a quartz. This is the moment that, unbeknownst to the two of them, changes everything.

Pearl looks up as she finishes her explanation, only to find nothing. And lowering her eyes, she sees…

There it is, the very first time Rose Quartz ever was a thing, all in front of Pearl’s eyes. Though, I suspect at this point only the general idea and appearance were a thing – after all, there were only amethysts in the kindergarten. Could it be that PD created Rose Quartz gems in her alter ego’s image, instead of the other way around? As a way of explaining her strange-looking gem, which is very obviously faceted differently than an amethyst?

Huh, even though “Rose”, if she’s even called that yet, was created as a concept moments ago, PD’s shapeshift still has star-shaped pupils when excited.

Hmmmm. I wonder how obvious it is that Rose is PD at this point? She certainly has a pearl with her. That’s not something a simple worker gem would have…

Rose immediately gets knocked over by a hurrying amethyst, and has to stop Pearl from taking any punitive action.

“I am…fitting right in!” Uh-huh. I…think that’s a thing that might go better if you don’t loudly talk about how much you fit right in? And also don’t have your pearl with you.

pfffffff

“Hey, fellow amethyst guards” oh god I know EXACTLY the meme for this situation and it is “how do you do fellow kids”

“That is the first and nicest thing anyone has ever said to me” That really doesn’t mean much you know? Well, I guess you don’t, being a freshly made gem, but still…

“But…8XM hasn’t emerged yet” wait

8XM? As in…

…is this facet 5?

No, that…doesn’t make sense, does it? There’s no fucking way this is OUR Amethyst, is it? I’m certain her designation was Facet 5 Cut 8XM though.

gfdi crewniverse

“What if…we took some time to explore some of Earth’s…other features?” And so it begins. Rose’s infatuation with organic life begins here, doesn’t it.

Oh, we’re back in the present, huh

And back to flashback time!

In the guise of a quartz, PD tours the Earth. Plants…animals…even humans. Life is everywhere!

I wonder…some of these humans must have been the ancestors of the Zoomans. Hell, the Zoo itself makes so much more sense with Pink Diamond being Rose’s true identity. As does Pearl’s knowledge of stuff like it’s existence, and location, and etc.

As her day of fun comes to an end, PD’s expression becomes gloomy. It was easy to say “whatever life is here must be sacrificed for the production of gems” when she was sitting in her throne on the moon. But now she’s seen it for herself. She has a deeper understanding of that life…and of what all her plans will do to it.

There’s no such thing as a perpetual motion machine, or an infinite source of energy, or creating something from nothing. In order to create gems, energy must be used. And there’s only so much energy than can be used before nothing is left.

Pearl apologizes for taking PD to see what she’s seen, but it’s not an apology PD can accept. Now that she understands what’s really going on, she knows that seeing what she saw, coming to the awful revelations she came to…it was important.

Sapphire still doesn’t understand why PD couldn’t just stop Earth’s colonization herself. But…she tried. She may have been a Diamond, but when among the other Diamonds, she was no one. No one but a petulant brat of a child.

…And as for the zoo, it wasn’t even PD who kidnapped the humans and sent them off to live their lives in a cage. PD asked to preserve the life on Earth, and that’s how Blue “fulfilled” her request. Yellow didn’t even go so far as to try and compromise, she just scolded Pink and told her to, essentially, get back to work. For all the power of a Diamond, in the end PD was powerless. At least, as Pink Diamond.

But were a regular gem to rebel, one who couldn’t simply be scolded or mollified, one whose resistance would upset the status order much more than a Diamond arguing with another Diamond, one with all the support of an ideal and, unbeknownst to the other Diamonds or to her own followers, all the resources of a Diamond…her sisters wouldn’t be able to brush that off. They would have to respond, whether they liked it or not.

But the ideal that Rose Quartz rallied all those troops around didn’t exist till later on. Originally, it was just “Rose” and Pearl, fighting on their own, not for gem freedom or anything, but simply as an excuse for Pink to “abandon” her own colony. And then something happened that changed everything.

Instead of letting Pink abandon Earth to its own devices, Yellow and Blue decided to help her hunt down and shatter Rose and Pearl. And in pursuit of this goal, Blue Diamond came to Earth with her retinue. And that retinue included a specific Sapphire and her three Ruby guards. And just as Sapphire predicted, Rose and Pearl took the opportunity to attack. And in the heat of the moment, in a desperate attempt to save the Sapphire she was tasked with guarding, Ruby accidentally fused with Sapphire into Garnet.

Oh hey, two Topazes among the amethyst guards! Dunno if they’re OUR Topaz’s, but they could be. Law of character conservation and all.

And in the aftermath…Rose couldn’t help gushing over fusion. Suddenly she had so many questions! Suddenly, entirely new experiences had opened up!

And Pearl, bless her soul, immediately attempted to fuse with Rose.

And after the failure of that fusion, Pearl freaks out. What was she thinking? Fusing not only with another gem, but a Diamond?! She’s convinced that she’s defective. Not just the whole fusing thing but…she has an imagination. Even when Pink doesn’t ask her to think about stuff, she thinks about stuff. She has fantasies, daydreams about being together with Rose – Rose, a normal Rose Quartz, with no status or high rank, just the two of them, being together and happy. She thinks the fact that she thinks that way means there’s something wrong with her.

Rose completely disagrees.

“Ridiculous, right, haha, tell me to stop–“

“Please, don’t ever stop!”

And in that moment, Rainbow Quartz was born…and immediately falls apart as they react in shock. And then Rose remembers Ruby and Sapphire, and immediately resolves to rescue their fusion from Blue.

And a few moments later, guess who comes stumbling along nearby? Someone who didn’t need to be rescued from Blue Diamond, due to having managed to flee in time. Garnet.

Garnet was the first gem Rose wanted to fight for. In a sense, it was Garnet, not Rose or Pearl, who started the Crystal Gems. And Garnet decided to follow Rose, when in actuality, Rose was following Garnet…

Huh, the credits are rolling before the episode even ends. Hey, Steven’s VA also voices Pumpkin. Huh.

Anyways, it was Pearl who introduced Pink to Earth. And Pink fell in love with Earth, and with Pearl.

Now that Sapphire’s finally calmed down, she remembers she left Ruby alone at the house and rushes back. But…the house is empty. No Ruby. No Amethyst. No sign of Peridot or Pumpkin, even. The only thing that seems to be there is a piece of paper with Sapphire’s name on it. Some sort of letter, I think?

That’s all for now, folks! We’ll read Ruby’s (?) letter next time I guess!

#Steven Universe #SU #Steven Universe spoilers #SU spoilers #Now We're Only Falling Apart #spoilers

[wannawrite]

If Voices Could Kill...

Wanna One's Kim Jaehwan

The 'Our Two Lips' flower boys LDH PJH PWJ wanna one masterlist produce 101 masterlist 

fluff word count: 2342 • Jaehwan is really excited about his new job • especially when he finds out you're the niece of the branch manager • but his efforts may be washed by his new flower boy persona jfosjskdjs i'm sorry i had to do you so dirty Jaehwan you know I love you 😘 I love Jaewhan and he kinda is a mess bUt THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO HIM THAN THAT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH thank you for requesting anon, youngmin's flower boy will be up soon!! - Admin L PS: this is such a mess i am so sorry, experimenting with my writing a bit, I want to improve but ofusodjsis idk

"Kim Jaehwan?" You mused in puzzlement, an amused smirk dancing on your lips. "Uncle, are you serious?" You had to stifle your laughs from pouring out of your mouth. Your hands smoothed the paper out, eyes scanning the paper and taking a good look at the man's application. Your uncle furrowed his brow, he neatened another stack of applications. "Why not? He seems like a hard worker and a good kid. Not to mention he's young and... goes to the same college as you. Have you seen him before?" 

You groaned in frustration and buried your head in your hands, allowing the paper to float away. "That's the thing," you muttered. "You probably should never see him." The air conditioner was set to one of the coldest settings but that was not the cause shivers than ran down your spine. Just the mere thought of Kim Jaehwan working as a waiter or barista - let alone a flower boy - made you shudder in the worst way possible. You held nothing against Jaehwan and in fact, you shared a class with him. He was a good-hearted person, always offering to help and a smart student. The thing is, he did more damage than help..... "Why? Is something wrong?" Your uncle asked again, chuckling. "Do you like him?" You threw your hands up, eyes widening significantly. "What? No! Uncle, why-why would you ever think that?" You protested, shooting him a disbelieving look. I came here today to help you sort out the papers of applications, not to be attacked. You spun a few rounds in the cushy office chair, sighing and considered slamming your head - or your uncle's head - onto the wooden conference table to knock some sense into it. "If you don't explain the situation to me, I have no reason not to hire Jaewhan. He is very handsome, what a bonus. Aren't you glad Aunt is making you help out a bit?" He teased, eyes twinkling. "You could really use a boyfriend, Y/N." I regret agreeing to help out with this stupid thing. Who is their boss? I just want to talk. If Uncle is one of the upper-class board members- "Ahhh, I get it. You like Kim Jaehwan and you don't want him to act nice to anyone else." Your fist hit the table the second you heard that, the slam was hard enough for the piles of documents to fly but your uncle only laughed. You blushed furiously and opened your mouth to retaliate but no words could be formed. Yanking the cap off the pen, you scribbled a rough tick mark next on Jaehwan's application. "Happy?" You growled out, face still hot. "Very. All I did was ask you to explain but you got so angry Jaewhan now has a job." Realisation set in and you let out a gasp. You had ruined the damn company running these stupid cafes and your aunt and uncle had pretty much lost their jobs. "No no no no no no no." In one swift movement, your uncle bundled the documents and packed them away into a cupboard. He grabbed his coat and gestured for you to follow. "C'mon. Your aunt is waiting for us. Cheer up, you didn't do anything wrong. I'll let you sob with ice cream later," he said, a smile on his face. I suppose seeing Kim Jaehwan almost every day this Summer wouldn't be terrible. The thought floated in your mind. He is really good looking. Let's hope he doesn't screw up.

Jaewhan was bursting with joy when he received the email about his new job. Well, partially because his best friends, Daehwi, Woojin, Jihoon, Sungwoon, Ong and Baejin, pretty much his entire clique had also been hired to work at Our Two Lips. Unfortunately, Minhyun, Youngmin and Justin ( wink wonk hint hint ) were posted to another branch further away but within walking distance. He raced to call his friends about the good news. Jihoon was the first to answer this call. "Jihoon!" He yelled, unable to hide his enthusiasm. "Uh, yes, hyung? Are you okay?" Jihoon asked worriedly. If he pressed his phone really close to his ear, he could hear the footsteps of Jaewhan running. "What's happening?" Jaewhan puffed and panted, clearly out of breath. Damn, I really need to work out more. Another day. "I'm fine!" He yelled as he pushed himself to run faster. "I will be outside your house in a few!" Jihoon jumped in shock, he clutched the phone tighter. "Wha-" "See you!" Jihoon glanced at the tall, Taiwanese boy who lounged on the bean bag of his room. "Uh, Jaewhan hyung coming over. What do you think he wants to tell us?" Jihoon wracked his brains but could not think of anything. Perhaps he wrote the lyrics to a new song? No, he would go to Daehwi for that. Guanlin shrugged in response, not taking his eyes off his phone. "Not sure, but we both need to tell him about....." He was abruptly cut off by the hammering on the front door which Jihoon answered reluctantly. "Hello, hyun-" " "I've been hired as a flower boy!" The older man blurted out loudly, hopping up and down. Guanlin nearly fainted in surprise, he tried to cover up his shock by half-heartedly letting out a cheer of congratulations. "Wow! Isn't that great? We're both going to be working at the same place!" Other than MNet, Jaehwan was sure he had not encountered a faker person - in that moment - than Lai Guanlin. He smacked his chest lightly, protesting. "Yah, hyung will make a better flower boy than you." Guanlin raised an eyebrow, threaded to perfection and crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, really?" Jihoon genuinely did not need that drama, he rubbed his temples and pushed his friends further away from each other with a huff of frustration. "Guys, let's not fight," he pleaded before turning to Jaehwan. "But... how did you even get hired? Sorry, just curious." With his ego on the line, Jaehwan bragged about how his good looks and talent made the cut with ease. "The boss was probably impressed with me," he purred. "No offence hyung but you are literally the clumsiest, messiest hyung I have ever befriended," Guanlin retorted but not in a mean manner, just a... you-know-it-too kind of way. A part of him was genuinely worried for his hyung. How was he going to survive this? Hmph! Why is everyone doubting my abilities? Am I not the perfect flower boy material? Ahh, my dongsaengs are so cute, worrying about me for nothing. Jaehwan pulled the two younger boys into a hug which they happily returned. "Ahh, don't worry about me. I'll be the best flower boy there, the fan favourite. Hyung will teach you two." The boys exchanged glances which each other, faces screaming 'eek!' but they said nothing and simply hoped for the best.

You observed the current state of the cafe closely, picking at every little detail that others might have brushed off. Technically, this was your uncle's job to boss the workers and take care of the place but he was not the most articulate person and many things slipped past him. In fact, he was not even at the front counter but inside the kitchen, idling. You stationed your Summer work, laptop and a free cup of coffee in the cosiest corner of the cafe, bathing in the lukewarm sunlight. So far, all seemed to be brilliant. Daehwi and Jihoon seemed to be crowd favourites. That, you definitely took note of. They were cute but not your type. Perhaps, you did not even have a specific 'type'. It was confusing and it was not like you were interested anyway. It was a busy late morning at the cafe. Heck, there was even a queue for the place and you really wondered why. What was so great about this place? It's literally a regular cafe, just with cute, aegyo filled servers. You wrinkled your nose at that but supposed you would not boycott it since it was a business your extended family was involved in. The whole concept was intriguing and fun, you would admit. A different kind of fun... for some people.... A groan slipped past your lips and you squeezed your eyes shut, head starting to throb at the mere thought of him. Kim Jaehwan is going to be the death of me. Someday, hopefully, before finals come. The Jaehwan you knew in school and the Jaehwan that worked here were the same person yet he behaved differently. Yes, he was a mess in school sometimes but only with his friends. Other than that, he was a model university student who studied hard but played harder. The Jaehwan you knew was a considerate and helpful classmate even if his help was somewhat half-hearted. He was a joy to be around. Bonus! He was pretty cute too, chubby cheeks and all. Jaewhan was adoringly nicknamed 'boiled dumpling' by a couple of his fangirls. However, the flower boy persona of Kim Jaehwan took a 360 spin on who he was in school. Unbeknownst to the 'boss' - your uncle -, you had already received a total of two complaints from customers. They complained that flower boy JaeK ( wink wonk ) - you nearly punched someone because of that name - had uttered explicit and appalling words directed towards them. When you confronted the flower boy, he only smiled sheepishly. "What? I was learning from Ong," he had defended, keen on winning the debate. You had run a hand through your knotted hair, sighing. "What exactly did you tell them?" "Well, Ong had used 'If I were a gardener, I'd put our two lips [ tulips ] together'. So I did my own spin on it and said, 'If I were a gardener, you'd be my hoe." ( if someone actually uses that I might fight them wh00ps ) He had replied, mildly proud of himself. "Jaehwan, did you actually read the rules of working here?" "Yes. More than the pile of notes that professor dropped on us." "Can...you like....be more polite next time okay? It was rude. That was inappropriate," you had scolded. "There are other things you could say you know. Cute things? Actual pick-up lines?" I still don't understand this concept. It's so cringeworthy and creepy. It's okay. Only a few more weeks of being in this damned place. You would never forget that suave smirk Jaehwan shot you as he casually leaned against the counter, nearly messing up the decorations Woojin had painstakingly set up that morning. It made your eyes waver until they locked with his own. His compelling gaze bore into you, inevitably charming you. "You know, darling," he had begun. "I'm only saving those for you." Just remembering that incident made your face burn. JaeK was one charming asshole that you felt like you were falling for. 

The more you saw Jaehwan at the cafe, the more he stuck to your side like a leech at school. "Y/N!" You could hear him from a mile away, those vocals weren't trained for nothing. The boy had an angelic voice, you had to admit that. Also, you were starting to think that his clique despised you because of a number of times he had ditched them in favour of you but he was a nice person to talk to. A good listener, only interjecting when he felt it was needed. You enjoyed his company. Often, he would walk you back after a night shift when your uncle and aunt had left in a haste. They were in on it too. It was nice to see Jaehwan in two different lights. Stripped of his makeup and flower crowns, he walked you home after school or work - even if you did not live far from both. Sometimes, he would put his talent to good use and sing a catchy pop song or one of his self-written ones. That relaxed you and made you feel at ease. Other times, a serious student yet a playful friend at university. And of course, being a messy ass flower boy. You were not even sure why he picked that job. When you asked, he simply shrugged and replied with, "I'm not even sure myself. Perhaps I wanted to try something new." The whole situation brought you two a whole lot closer. To the point where you were comfortable with falling asleep on his shoulder on one late night bus ride home. The next morning, you awoke to find a pink flower crown on your bedside table. Your hands clasped around it, brushing over the faux petals. It had to be Jaehwan's. You wore it to 'work' later on, planning to return it but as you approached the counter, you realised he had already worn a spare one. Ong chuckled and ruffled your hair. "Ahh you guys are so cute," he said. "Almost like a couple," Jinyoung snickered as he carried out another tray. "I would support it," Daehwi added, grinning smugly from his spot next to the coffee machine. Your cheeks reddened but the thought of you and Jaewhan as a couple made your heart flutter madly. "Yah, don't go around and make people uncomfortable," Jaehwan chided at his friends, shaking his head which caused his flower crown to loosen. "Oh!" You echoed, leaning forward to fix it. "It's loose. Let me help." Simpers flittered around the two of you but you paid them no mind. Just as you were lowering your hands, beaming proudly at your 'handiwork', ( me, at my C5 graded art welp ) Jaehwan's hands wrapped around your wrists. He smiled and looked you straight in the eye. "Y/N," he murmured softly, his sweet voice seemed to lull you into a dream. It felt as if his voice or presence alone had entranced you into this bubble where a universe with only the two of you existed. Disregarding the pairs of eyes trained on you, you stared back into his beautiful orbs.

“Yes?”

"Let's be a couple for real."

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #ong seongwoo #kang daniel #yoon jisung #ha sungwoon #park woojin #park jihoon #lee daehwi #lai guanlin #bae jinyoung #hwang minhyun #kim jaehwan

[hazeeeeeeeeeeeeeel]

Happiness

I want to write about happiness in general as a series. For most of my life I could say that I have been pretty damn happy. But lately throughout the past few years I seem to have lost my touch with it. I hope that in writing this series full of my thoughts, anecdotes, and past experiences, I am able to reclaim where I left off mentally and emotionally. This is Chapter 5.

Friendship

I consider friendship to be the most important aspect of happiness and as such this will be the most personal piece I share with you. It’s pretty shit really. If anything I know it’ll make you upset as it continues to make me upset. It’s the key reason to why I have so much hate in my heart and it’s why for the vast majority of the time I absolutely hate being in Torrance and why I absolutely detest hypocrites, especially those who claim to be Christian. It’s why I absolutely hate a certain church by the name of TFPC from the top down. Their pastors, their leaders, their youth group. Every single one of them with the exception of one friend there. It’s the reason why I don’t make rape jokes and replace them with “fucking destroy” or something along the lines of that. It’s why I have no tolerance for people who have raped others, and why I have legitimately been reserved about who I am as a person when meeting new people because I ask myself “what did they hear about me?” On the positive side, it’s why I cherish my friendships more than anything and why I dedicate my life for those who have confided in me like I have in them. This is my most personal story - one that I don’t take lightly in sharing. And I think also, not letting this hatred go has ultimately gotten in the way of me being happy.

There are a few names we ought to be familiar with. For the first group of people, Paulina Nguyen, Sean Kim, and Elizabeth Kim. I met Paulina early in high school and we have been great friends from day 1. She was more on the emotional side and she confided in me as much as I did in her. We were great friends. Sean and Elizabeth used to date. Turns out it was a shitty relationship but I never knew that prior to meeting Sean. Sean and I were good friends from day 1 as well, I guess we just clicked. Elizabeth and I were also good friends who we met through a mutual friend. Sean and Paulina started dating.

The next name is a set by himself, Albert Huh. Albert and I were brothers in my church and we were really connected spiritually and had a bond that you could only experience in a church setting. We didn’t know each other for long, but when you cry together at a church retreat, nothing can take that away. Albert and Elizabeth were friends.

The next names are Tiffany Kim, Rachel Kang, Andrew Chae, Joan Lee, and Ben Lee. Tiffany and I were good friends and her brother was a pastor at my own church I went to. Rachel was a girl I hardcore crushed on my senior year of high school. She was a year older and during the time went to UC Berkeley. We would spend countless nights on Oovoo and check this out, I even chose to video chat with her instead of playing League. Andrew was someone who went to the same church as Tiffany, TFPC. We bonded through a church retreat and not like close as Albert, but still a bond was formed. Joan was similar to Rachel but in a friends setting. I didn’t like her, but we were good friends and it was pretty great. Lastly, Ben was a great friend of mine who also went to TFPC.

One day early in my junior year of high school, Sean and I are hanging out and Elizabeth asks me to hang out and I tell her that I’m hanging out with my friend and that she’s more than welcome to join so she did and bam ex boyfriend and girlfriend reunion. Kinda weird right? So everything seems fine and I found out then and there that Elizabeth and Sean used to date. We just all hung out for a short bit afterwards and then Sean says we should have a group hug goodbye so I wait for Elizabeth’s answer and she said sure so I was like okay. So we did. And then we went our separate ways.

Fast forward to my senior year, I meet Rachel and I become madly infatuated with her. And surprise surprise she ended up liking me back! I was pretty fucking stunned. It was crazy. This girl was a straight up 10. I was probably a 5 on a good day but to her I was a 10 and that’s all that mattered to me. We spent countless hours oovoo-ing and being awesome and when winter season hit we would spend our holiday nights going on walks and just being fucking great. I’m not sure how, but word got around and even my older brother says “yo what’s going on with you and Rachel?” And my cousin (who went to the same school as Rachel) then adds to the family dinner “yeah what’s going on? My friends are talking about it too” which is fucking crazy because mind you, at THAT time, I’m a senior in high school, my oldest brother was in Irvine, my cousin was at UCLA, so why the fuck are they concerned about what Rachel and I have going on? And I tell them “I don’t get why you would be concerned about it” (DAMNNNNN FUCKING TOLD THEM). I guess, when I knew Rachel was a 10, everyone else did so too. Point being, she was a fucking big deal right.

I go to a winter retreat with Tiffany and Ben’s church, TFPC. It was pretty great. Met Andrew there too. Point of this part of the story is meeting Andrew. I’ve known Tiffany and Ben for years and we’ve had great friendships, especially Ben. To THIS day I still keep in touch with Ben. Alright so I come back, and winter is over, back in school for spring. I’m just living my senior year in high school, enjoying life, talking to Rachel, and literally just waiting for graduation to end. And BAM! Graduation.

I didn’t go to prom. My senior year prom date who said yes to me eventually got asked by someone else and she was having doubts and so I was just like fuck it just go with Spencer if you’re going to feel this way why bother (plus it was like 450 bucks for the whole experience with tickets, dinners, and pictures, I was a poor family). We all hung out at my friend’s house after prom and Rachel texts me asking me how was prom. I told her I didn’t go (and mind you this is at 5:00AM) and she was like yo wtf happened so I told her and I also told her I honestly would’ve loved to ask you out to Prom instead but whatever shit happens you were in Berkeley and I didn’t know how to ask you online or through text and I felt like you would have been busy when you got back to Torrance (Berkeley semester schedule so she was in town during prom anyways so woops, I guess I should've texted her anyways). So she asked me if I wanted to get breakfast to which I played it cool and said sure but in my mind I was screaming like fucking goddamn yes I do want to eat breakfast with you. And this is important. The breakfast. To this day I wish I never fucking went. Not because of Rachel, Rachel was stunning as usual. Even on her bad days she was a 10. A real goddess. Rachel Fucking Kang. Fire. Stunning. Grab a dictionary and every positive adjective you got it. When we were walking out of the restaurant, I run into two familiar faces, Albert and Elizabeth. We say hi like old friends (mind you the last time I saw Albert was at my own church retreat and the last time I saw Elizabeth was my junior year while hanging out with Sean). Not wanting to keep Rachel waiting we make it quick and I get ready to drop Rachel off and so I did (even though Rachel asked me to breakfast of course I went to go pick her up, it’s just what you gotta do). I get back to my friend’s and my whole group of friend’s just crash and sleep because we’re tired as fuck. Unbeknownst to me, that morning was the start to the worst fucking time of my life.

A few weeks later, it’s graduation. Everything was good, my church group and I hung out after my graduation with the rest of the graduating class and after dinner we go to get some boba. And I get a phone call, random number, so I pick up. It’s Albert. He asked me, “Yo! Where are you at right now there’s something I need to fucking ask you and I’m like okay sure I’m at Bobaloca” and so he comes quickly, with a large group of friends. Being the guest of honor as the graduating class, my church group (various age range including younger middle schoolers) stick around and Chris, an older member asks me if everything will be okay because it looks sketch that a big group comes to find me, but it was Albert. And Albert was with our church, and he was with Chris spiritually too so Chris asked me and Albert if everything will be okay and so Albert and I both say yes and Chris knowing that something is going to go down decides to trust us takes his cue and takes everyone home. Then Albert opens, “Yo Ariel. You know you’re a brother to me. That time at retreat. Nothing can ever take away our bond. But when I heard what happened. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t fucking believe it.” I reply, “What did you hear?” He says, “my friend said you raped her” and I was so fucking speechless like What. The. Fuck. Did. I. Just. Fucking. Hear. type of speechless. And I tell him, “No. I didn’t.” He then says “she’s here today right there waiting in that car and she wants to meet you and she wants you to go on your knees and beg for forgiveness.” I’m sorta taken aback. Albert then says, “don’t worry. See that guy over there? He’s a brother to me. We’re here because we just want you to apologize but we’re going to make sure you don’t get hurt even though you probably deserve it so just fucking do it okay?” And there was anger and agony in his voice, but at the same time, there was compassion and love. I could tell he was just as devastated as I was. Sure enough Elizabeth walks out of the car in tears and crying.

So I get on my knees, I have an idea of what happened, and I tell her, “Elizabeth, I am so sorry for what happened to you but you HAVE to know I had no idea what was happening at the time and to me it was just a hug. You know me. You know I would never do that to you. And you know Sean, you know what he did to you in the past and that he would have done that there” Looking for words, in utter complete silence, even amongst Albert and his friends they thought an apology for forgiveness was coming out but it wasn’t. Why would I ask for forgiveness for a crime I didn’t do? And Elizabeth at a loss for words, was so emotional and she just started to walk away back to the car. Albert pulls me aside and says, “Hey, let’s go to my car and talk” So we do. Mano a mano. He says, “Did you really not fucking do it.” And I said to him with the utmost sincerity, “Albert. You have to know who that other guy was. He was Elizabeth’s ex boyfriend who abused her” and I told him their past. I then also said, “Look, you coming here and asking for my side first only confirms that you know the type of person I am and that I would never have done or take part if I was aware of what was going on.” He then breathed a heavy sigh. He says, “You’re right. I’m going to talk to her.” He comes back ten minutes later and says “Okay, just leave. Don’t make eye contact with anyone just take your car and go home.” So I do. Then as I’m walking out this crazy bitch (BY THE WAY, I RARELY CALL WOMEN THAT WORD. THERE ARE TIMES I SAY SOMETHING IS BITCHY, BUT ALMOST NEVER A BITCH) named Angela Jung comes out and says “OH IT’S THIS ‘ARIEL’?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK.” Because Angela and I knew each other personally. She screams “GET BACK ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES AND APOLOGIZE FOR RAPING ELIZABETH.” I look towards Albert, and I say “Alber-” but before I finished she gave me the biggest bitchslap in the history of bitchslaps. I begin to notice the crowd around me. Andrew Chae was there with some of his friends and I realize that no way he could have known the talk Albert and I had. So what does it look like to him right? Angela slaps me one more time. And she goes for a third and Elizabeth comes out of the car and screams, “STOP!!!! IT WASN’T HIM. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. IT WAS SEAN NOT ARIEL” And after a bit Elizabeth tells me, “don’t talk to me ever again I’m sorry but just go home.” So I left.

On my way home, Albert calls me. I pick up because at this point any talk with Albert is life or death. And Albert asks me for Sean’s number. I give it to him because you can imagine how fucking pissed I am that Sean molested Elizabeth during the group hug without me knowing only for me to take the fall in place of him because he knew they’d come for my neck first. Luckily Albert was the guy who did not anyone else. Later that night, Paulina texts me calling me a sellout and very harsh words but of course I could never relieve her because of course she’s going to trust her boyfriend over me seriously fuck Sean.

During the next few weeks in summer vacation, I notice that some things begin to change. Rachel stops talking to me at all, Tiffany ignores me from that moment on, Joan as well, and everyone just gives me the cold fucking shoulder. It is at this moment where I begin to talk about friendship. Fake friends, real friends, friends in general. Friends in specific. Just friendship. Then out of nowhere my friend Elle messages me asking me about how there’s a lot of talk at her church (She also went to TFPC) and about how I raped someone. And my heart sank. I’m just like oh fuck no because no shit Andrew ran his gossip as pussybitch fucking cunt mouth everywhere about something he had no fucking part in only seeing part of what happened (of course the bad part). I connect the dots and the dots were confirmed when another friend of mine told me about what Andrew was telling everyone he knew. It was pretty surreal in the worst ways possible. Especially damning because Andrew was on the praise team for his church - literally a leader of the church and of all people to spew bullshit? C’mon dude. Just fuck. If anything, especially with the relationship Andrew and I had, he ought to have been the first person to at least talk to me or even ask me what the hell was going on. But no. He chose to take the lowest way out, to go out of his way just to spice his own personal life. The worst part is that his friends and fellow “Christians” gravitated towards his stories as if they were a campfire in Moscow during the winter. Really fucking incredible. So I hated the church. And, I even began to despise the pastors as well. I do however hold a tremendous amount of respect for them so I didn’t take names on their part. But Andrew? Seriously fuck him. When I see Paul Ryan smirk on national TV when he robs from the poor and does it in the name of goodness, I see fucking Andrew with his truly ugly laugh. Not ugly in the sense of outer appearance, I don’t really think anyone is ugly in that regard, but ugly in the sense of blackness in his heart. It’s the fucking worst. To wear a veil of holy spirituality and then live the life of sin. Me? I know I’m not on a high horse at all, but at least come down to the swamp with me if you’re going to level me up behind my back with your pussybreath. As for the others?

I asked Rachel “do you honestly believe what happened?” No reply. I never talked to Rachel ever again. I asked Tiffany the same thing. She replied, at least she gave me the respect to reply and she says “Yeah I can believe it there were witnesses and Andrew said everything.” I told her “if you honestly feel the way you do, don't fucking talk to me ever again.” It’s been five years, we never talked since. I asked Joan, she never replied. I never talked to her again either. I then asked Ben, “do you honestly believe what happened?” And he said, “I was waiting for you to ask me so I wanted to ask did you do it?” I said “No.” He then said, “Then that’s all I need to know. You didn’t do it.” What a real fucking friend right there. Goddamn did that shit move me.

But what about my own personal group of friends? From high school that I graduated with that night my nightmare started? Gossip spreads like wildfire especially in the facebook era and I know for a fact that some of my closest friends had connections to the friends who spread the news that there was gossip about me going everywhere about how I raped someone and it was total bullshit. Yet, the most amazing part? No one even asked about it. And no one seemed to care about it. No one seemed to be bothered. Nothing changed in our friendships. I never spoke to them about it ever because similar to Ben, they had trust in me. They confided in me as much as I confided in them and that was all they needed. To have faith in me.

For this reason I love my friends more than anything. Not just because of this sole single event and how they responded, or rather not responded which in itself was a response, but the entire idea that they trusted me so much to have never let it become an issue. So think about this… In the darkest time of my life when I was losing friends left and right, front and back, top and down, these guys were the light in my life I needed. And that speaks volumes in the role my friendships play in determining my happiness. Just like how other people have the capability to bring me down, people too have the same capacity to bring me up. That was all I ever needed to move forward. I guess you can say that in bringing up my last blog post, the faith and loyalty that these good people had in people answers where I am on “goodness” right? To this day Ben’s response when I messaged him means so much to me. He grew up in that church where the rumours started. Ben was literally surrounded by people who hated me so much. Who thought I was despicable, a liar, and a rapist. But Ben always believed in me. That type of loyalty is powerful. My dad always taught me from a young age that the most you can ever ask for from anyone is loyalty. From a woman, loyalty counts as friends and as significant other. For men, loyalty comes from true friendship (to which I guess being gay counts too now). Looking back at this event I fucking hated how it all worked itself out. And I directed all my hatred especially towards Sean because he was at the root of all this. So I guess in conclusion to this highly sensitive topic… choose your friends well. There are those that I didn’t. The ones who stabbed me in the back. The Rachel Kang’s, Tiffany Kim’s, Joan Lee’s. I DO WANT TO CLARIFY that I don’t feel spite against Rachel, Tiffany, and Joan. From the notion that on their point of view, they truly had evidence that was in Andrew’s perspective verified because Andrew’s side of the story was true only to his eyes. It’s like if I saw someone kill someone else, I see only the murder. What I won’t see, is the self defense prior to it so I see murder and that’s completely fair. So to Rachel, Tiffany, and Joan? That’s fine. I still don’t believe they’re the type of friends to surround yourself with, but I understand their part and just frankly need to know what is done is done. Andrew Chae’s? A different story, still with the leniency that what he saw was considered his version of truth, but that as a representative in the Church and thus therefore for the religion, he had a moral responsibility to ensure goodness not bad. But Sean Kim? I can’t say words to describe how I feel about him but that the best thing is not revenge, but just to move away. Those type of people will only bring you down and the sooner you do away with them the better. They don’t deserve you. In reflection writing this, I’m just so amazed by how wonderful my group of friends are, to stick with me through something catastrophic as that, but not even to just stick through, but to have never let a rumor as powerful as that one bother them to begin with is incredible. See, you can go through a lot of shit, but when you have as friends as amazing as the ones I do, isn’t that where true happiness is found? In the goodness of truly great people who want to share that happiness with you? Thank you for reading.