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concreteburialplot · 3 months

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Intertwined // 05

-> 05 - Girl Crush*

pairing; noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo

masterlist; here | crossposted; ao3 | word count; 10.3k 😅

warnings; sad lol, dumb boys, mutual masturbation, p0rn, alcohol, peer pressure, vomiting, college!omens, jolly intro, gay panic & very mild gender confusion??, denial is a river in egypt, 18+ MDNI

REMINDER: this is an au where everyone is around the same age, follows no actual timelines/events, and uses oc's for family members.

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

-NICHOLAS-

It had been about a month since Noah moved out completely and was fully living with us. It wasn’t that difficult of a transition since he stayed with us most of the time anyway. He seemed to be finally settling in and getting comfortable, which I was happy about.

Him living in my house wasn’t the only thing that became comfortable - in fact maybe we’d gotten too comfortable.

That first night weeks ago, where we took care of our morning wood next to each other, wasn’t the last time. It started as that one time thing, then an occasional thing, then finally, a casual thing. Neither one of us seemed to take it seriously, maybe to play off the implications of it. Because what else are you supposed to do when you jack off next to your best friend regularly?

It became so casual, sometimes as if the other wasn’t there.

My half-asleep ears fill with the faint sounds of moans, accompanied by restrained groans I recognize. The more I wake I feel movement behind me.

I stir a bit before turning around finding Noah pumping himself under the covers while holding his phone in the other. He jumps a little when I catch him but doesn’t stop. His actions only halt temporarily.

“Sorry if I woke you up.” He says bashfully, baby pink tinting his cheeks.

“It’s fine.” I gulp, my eyes drifting to the obscene noises coming from his phone. “Whatcha watching?”

He shrugs, tilting his phone to me, revealing the most generic looking porn I’ve ever seen. But porn is porn and it makes my already semi-hard dick twitch. “You wanna… watch too?”

My cheeks grow warm at the offer, “Oh, um, I mean, I don’t wanna intrude…” Though, I can’t help my eyes from being glued to the screen.

He shifts a bit and reaches over, setting the phone down between us propped up in a divot of comforter. In the clumsy process, the duvet slides off his lap revealing his cock.

My eyes widen at the sight of him but I immediately divert my attention so that he doesn’t catch me and assume something else.

“Oh sorry.” He blushes and goes to cover himself again but pauses, “Actually, do you mind? I just don’t wanna deal with the mess and-“

“I don’t mind.” I reply faster than intended. I shake my head, “I just don’t wanna… do that. But I don’t care if you do.”

“Cool.” He nods and returns to his previous position with his eyes locked on the screen.

There’s a panicky heartbeat lingering in my chest but the throbbing in my cock takes precedence. I relax a bit beside him and life the duvet higher up on my body, trying to cover as much of myself as possible.

I spit into my hand before dipping it beneath the covers and down around my member, working it out from my shorts. A hiss leaves my mouth at the coldness of my palm but it doesn’t take long for that discomfort to fade.

My eyes begin on the phone, to the blonde woman with large unnaturally perky breasts being railed by some strong man with a big dick, something you’d find on the first page of any porn site. Not my usual cup of tea but whatever, it’s doing something for me right now.

Naturally, my eyes drift and happen to fall on Noah’s cock. His large hand works up and down his member – he’s duo-toned darker at the base and lighter towards the tip, kind of like me just much pinker. I glance between him and the man in the video. He’s smaller than the man, but he’s definitely not small. The video is obviously emphasizing the man’s large size, but he’s still smaller than me, not by much but he is. It makes me wonder if Noah would be impressed by my size.

Why would I think that? What do I care if Noah’s impressed by my dick?

Noah’s probably not even looking at him like that, I’m just weird I guess.

As if on cue, Noah comments.

“I wish my dick was that big.”

Not wanting to stay uncomfortably silent, I nervously chuckle, “Yeah me too.”

“Well, how big are you?” He asks casually.

My eyes nearly pop out of my head. Surely, he doesn’t actually wanna know.

“Oh – oh, I don’t know, but I don’t wanna take the covers off because-“

Noah proposes a solution, “I could feel?”

“I uh – what do you mean?”

“Like, feel it under the covers. So, I can’t see it. That’s what you’re insecure about isn’t it?”

“Um, I, well,” I stutter, trying to think of any sort of appropriate response. I should say no. I shouldn’t want him to do that. But something in me screams that this might be the only time this could happen – not sure why that’s even important. “Um, sure.”

I scooch a little closer to him so it’s easier for him to reach. Unexpectedly, he brings his free hand up to his mouth and spits into it. My eyebrows furrow at the action, not quite understanding why that’s necessary. But when his arm snakes itself under the covers and his hand replaces mine, I’m suddenly not as confused.

My eyes round at the feeling of his hand around me and every muscle in my body tenses when he starts moving.

“Jesus, you’re pretty big.” He says before his hand even reaches my tip.

Suddenly, all the nerves in my body seem to flood to cock and I feel so sensitive under his fingertips. I should be watching the video, but my eyes bounce between his still working on himself and on his other one bobbing under the covers. I can’t tell fully, but it seems like he’s pumping himself faster than before.

His palm reaches the head then slowly slides back down. “You’re so much bigger than me.” His voice seeming casual, but there’s a hint of strain beneath it.

His words and his even faster movements on both of us only worsens the buzzing in my cock.

“Is this okay? I just, I’ve only ever felt my own dick so, I’ve only ever imagined what having a bigger one would feel like.”

“Yeah, yep. It’s fine.” I reply quickly, just trying to maintain my composure.

My chest rises and falls rapidly and my fingers curl into the sheets. A familiar knot forms in the pit of my tummy and the last thing I want to do is cum while he’s touching me. His hand moves on me at the same speed as on his own. His fingertips stride up and down the underside of my length, hitting the sensitive spot beneath my tip every time. My lips press flat together as I try to stave off my orgasm – I don’t want to cum while he’s touching me, but I also don’t want him to stop.

Thankfully he has less stamina than I do.

“Ah, fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He groans, working quickly on himself chasing his climax. “Fuck, fuck!” He whines desperately. His hand doesn’t stop on me while his hips buck up into his hand spurting milky white all over his exposed tummy.

The visual of his cock twitching and spilling cum all over his hand, combined with his high pitched moans and his hand on me catapults me over the edge. “F-Fuck.” I sputter out a strangled groan and scrunch my eyes closed. Before I have time to yank him off of me, my body goes rigid beneath him. The buzzing across my skin seems to all rush into my throbbing cock in Noah’s still moving hand. “O-Oh.” Slips from my mouth just above a whisper while every muscle in my abdomen tightens. I feel myself twitch and spill my own cum into the duvet and all over his hand.

The orgasm nearly blinds my vision and my heart beats so fast I can hear it thumping in my ears. Those couple seconds where it was just me, my racing heart and my throbbing cock, it was pure bliss. Possibly the hardest I’ve ever came before.

It’s not until I begin to come down that I realize what just happened and that… he worked me fully through my high?

My eyes shoot open the second I return to earth and feel his hand finally slip off my softening member. For a split second I contemplate if there’s a way for me to get out of this without even looking at him and god I wish there was.

Fuck

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” I begin to profusely apologize before he cuts me off.

He laughs, “It’s okay. I’m sure having someone else’s hand probably feels a lot better than your own. Even if it had been you I probably would’ve came even faster than normal… and you know I already don’t last long as it is.” He chuckles with a light peach tinting his cheeks.

One part of me feels bad that I hadn’t returned the favor, until I remember I didn’t really even want to do this to begin with. Then, another part of me wishes I had returned the favor, maybe I wanted to know the same thing he did - maybe I want to know what another cock would feel like in my hand too.

“Yeah - um,” I swallow the little saliva I have left in my dry mouth. “Yeah it was nice.”

He pulls his hand from beneath the covers. “So much for not making a mess.” He laughs.

My eyes round when I see just how much I had spilt all over his hand. “Yeah, yeah sorry again, I just didn’t think that…” My eyes follow his stare on the milky white mess of mine on his hand.

His coffee brown eyes snap up to mine and utters out the last words I ever thought he’d say. “Have you ever tasted your own cum?”

I blink blankly at him, completely devoid of words.

What the fuck

“I-I um, no? Why would I?”

“I don’t know, curiosity?”

“…Have you?”

“Well, yeah, I wanted to know.” He shrugs. “It was gross, bitter. But,” His eyes flutter back down to his hand. “I’ve obviously never tasted anyone else’s. I wonder if yours tastes different?”

My brain seems to glitch, not fully comprehending his statement.

“I-I um, I mean, probably.”

“Would it be super weird if I tasted it?”

My brows shoot up at the question.

But I reply before I’m even sure of my answer. “No, I um, don’t think it would be that weird?”

And it wouldn’t be, right?

He’s just curious.

Just like he was about my cock.

“Alright.” His tone much less confident than just seconds ago.

His dark brown eyes drop to the puddle of my cum on his right hand, just above where his thumb meets his hand. He lifts it tentatively up to his mouth; my eyes can’t help but rotate between his face and his approaching hand. Hesitantly, he darts his pink tongue past his lips to dip the tip of it into the puddle. Unexpectedly, his eyes find mine, snapping me out of my gaze that was locked on his tongue. His mahogany eyes surprise me, with how round and soft they are - so puppy dog-like for a situation such as this. I blink at him and for some reason, seeing him flatten his tongue a bit on the remnants of me makes my cock twitch. He takes a scoop of my orgasm on his tongue and into his mouth.

“Hm.” He hums, almost sounding pleased, like he was taste-testing wine. “You taste better than me. Sweeter. Must be all those bananas you eat.”

Sweeter

My brows join together, perturbed, “It can’t be that different?”

His boney shoulders raise into a shrug. “You can try mine if you want? To make it even or whatever.” He gestures his left hand up a bit to remind me that his mess remains on that hand too.

“Oh - I - well -“ I watch his hand gesture towards me again. The turbulence in my tummy reminds me of when someone offers you a gift and out of politeness, you’re supposed to refuse it - but I don’t want to refuse. I want to know.

“Oh c’mon it’s only fair, it’s not that bad.” He urges me, only reaffirming my inability to voice a decline.

I look down at the back of his hand covered in cloudy white rivers. My fingers gently take hold of his wrist and he lets me take control of his arm without a single ounce of resistance. I bring his hand to my lips and copy his actions - dart my tongue out and meet his eyes. His are just as intrigued as mine were, locked in my tongue.

The second his cum meets my taste buds, my eyes flutter closed. I’m surprised at the taste, it’s bitter and salty, what I imagine battery acid must taste like. The texture is about what I imagined, thick and slimy. And yet, even with the immediate disgust of it, it makes my cock twitch again. There’s a tingle in my fingertips and on my tongue that urges me to lap up the rest of his orgasm but I fear if I did, I’d be completely hard again. I never thought something as rancid as battery acid would make me hard, but for some reason right now it’s threatening to.

I’ve never been more grateful for anything more than the duvet on my body right now.

I half-force a twist in my face at the taste as I pull back from his arm. “Augh, that’s disgusting.”

He lets out a hearty laugh, “See! Told ya.”

A nervous chuckle escapes me, “That you did…”

-Next Day-

Since landing an apprenticeship at a local tattoo parlor, I don’t see much of either Noah or Folio. While I’m at work after class, they’ve been hanging out at the library in a study group full of people I barely know - people from the frat party a couple weeks ago.

Today though, I got off my shift early and I’m on a different mission.

My tires screech and the weight of my entire body jerks forward as Stella makes another abrupt stop at a redlight. My hand lands on my dash as a reflex I had gotten far too familiar with.

My tongue passes between my lips before pressing them together and close my eyes through a deep breath. I consider myself a fairly patient person, but if there’s anyone on earth who could get me to snap, it is definitely my sister.

“I told you to start braking 5 million feet ago.” I exhaled with the hopes of Buddha himself coming down and bestowing me with a well-deserved medal of excellent patience.

“Whatever, we still stopped, didn’t we?” She sasses, as she continues to dance to whatever pop song pours through the speakers.

“Yeah, barely.” I grumble, crossing my arms in the passenger seat. “I have no idea how they let you pass your driver’s test.”

“You are so grouchy today.” She glares at me. “What, did the shop bully you again?”

My eyes roll so hard they could’ve fallen out. “No.” I clench my fingers into my palms and stretch them out as overlayed flashbacks of scrubbing every inch of the tattoo parlor flash across my mind. “No, I just cleaned a lot. Fumes. Headache.”

“Right.” She responds unconvinced.

The car takes a sharp turn into a plaza I’ve only ever driven past before and pulls into a parking spot right in front of the destination of my mission.

“We’re here!” She beams, turning the engine off.

We walk up to the small shop snuggled in the tiny strip. The walls look like they were once white, a long, long time ago. Now they’re stained a yellow-y beige with weeds and vines growing across the plaster.

“’Record Store. Plus repairs.’” I read off the giant red letters above the door. “How creative.”

Stella’s elbow sharply jabs into my ribcage. “Ow!” I hiss and recoil away from her.

“Be nice. Be cool.” She scolds me in a hushed tone.

Whatever the fuck ‘nice and cool’ means to a teenage girl.

A bell trills sharply when she pushes open the glass door. A rush of cold AC blasts against our skin soon as we step into the foyer.

At the tall reception desk stands a man with lengthy brown hair and a long face. He looks a couple years older than me, at least 23ish.

“Hi Jolly!” Perks Stella almost jumping the second her fingertips meet the glossy wood.

My teeth dig into my bottom lip in an attempt to stifle a giggle when I see the man noticeably deflate the moment he hears the shrill chirp of my sister’s 16-year old voice.

He sets down his pen on whatever paperwork he was working on and turns to us, “Hello Stella.” He greets flatly, with a hint of a foreign accent I can’t place yet.

It’s quite obvious that she comes in here often, more than she’s let on – enough for them to be on a first-name basis.

“Jolly, this is my brother Nick, Nick this is Jolly.” She beams at his name, completely smitten with the older boy. If it wasn’t so obvious that he’s irritated by her mere presence, I’d be more protective of her - but she’s perfectly fine. She’s made sure of that herself.

“Hey.” I meekly wave at him.

He acknowledges me with a nod and looks back at her. “What’s up.”

“Well, we need your help!” She rocks up and down on her feet with her hands behind her back.

“Great. What is it you need help with?” His fingertips restlessly patter on the table top, impatiently waiting for her to deliver her pitch faster.

“Go on Nick, show him.” She urges motioning her hand towards him.

I sigh and pull out my phone from my jean’s back pocket, then scroll to find a picture of Noah’s snapped guitar and hand it to the man.

“Could you fix that? Or know someone who could?” I inquire, already feeling as though the trip was hopeless.

His brows pull together as he inspects the picture then uses two fingers to zoom in on the instrument. “Whoever did this really did a number on it.”

“Yeah.” I mumble, scratching the back of my neck. “So, do you think you could fix it?”

“Hmm.” He hums, pulling down his thick-rimmed glasses down his nose. “I can’t say for sure, you’d have to bring it in.”

Air escapes my throat with another sigh, that’s the last thing I wanted to hear. “Okay. I’ll get it in as soon as I can.” Even though I have no idea how I’ll be able to do that without Noah noticing.

He hands me back my phone, “That’s a really rough break.”

“Trust me, I know. Thanks for looking.” My tone suddenly lacking optimism. “And sorry about…” When I turn to point at Stella, I realize she’s not beside me anymore, now shuffling through the various wooden crates of records. “Her.”

He taps his pen against the counter and glances over at her. “It’s fine. She brings friends in. They buy records. Sales are sales.” He shrugs before going back to whatever he was working on before we interrupted him.

Stella doesn’t seem to want to leave anytime soon so I let myself roam around the shop. The majority of the small store is made up of boxes full of records, a mix of old and new. A small, separated section has various instruments strewn about, most of them looking refurbished. The air is pungent with the smell of sandalwood incense, some kind of chemical-y polish, and stale wood.

“Okay! Ready to go!” Stella calls from behind me and when I turn to her she’s holding a record that I recognize.

“Since when do you listen to Nine Inch Nails?” My brow arches up, seeing as she’s only ever been a Taylor Swift type of girl.

She giggles, “Jolly suggested them.”

I take two fingers and pinch the bridge of my nose with a deep sigh, “Okay, whatever, let’s go.”

Stella and I walk into the house and my ears are immediately unsettled by the sounds that fill the house. They’re giggles, some I recognize to be Noah’s but the other is quite … feminine.

The edges of Stella’s lip curl into a mischievous grin, “Oooooh Noah snuck a girl innnn.” She snickers in a sing-song tone.

“Go to your room Stella.” I order, mostly because her tone irritated me but also because I don’t want her to see what’s behind the cracked door.

She gives me a glare, “You’re just jealous that he’s getting some and you’re not.”

“Go. To. Your. Room.” I repeat sternly through gritted teeth.

“Fine, whatever. Be the party pooper you always are.” She huffs before turning down the hall and slamming the door behind her when gets to her room.

I blink at the doorknob as her words sear into my chest. I question even interrupting until another giggle pierces my eardrums.

I’m precarious with the way I approach the cracked door and peer in. Noah and the girl from the party, Kassidy, next to each other on the bed with open textbooks and notebooks littered about. They’re laughing at something but all I can focus on is her hand on his thigh. An odd twist forms in my abdomen, somewhere between my ribs and my gut. It makes me feel sick, like I ate some gas station sushi.

My knuckle taps on the door and creaks it open. “Hey.”

“Oh, hey Nick!” Noah seems surprised to see me but not necessarily upset by my presence, which for some reason eases the knot in my chest. “I heard a door slam did-”

It’s not until the blonde waves at me with the hand that’s not glued to Noah’s thigh that I realize the anger staining my fingertips.

“Noah, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask through a fake smile.

“Sure.” He nods, “Be right back, Kass.”

Once the bedroom door clicks behind him, I feel myself begin to unravel.

“Does my mom know you’re bringing girls home?” I question, my voice coming out much harsher than intended.

“No…?” He answers. “I figured I would just do what we always did with each other? Sneak in.”

“Okay well, I don’t appreciate you bringing girls into my room. Please tell me you guys didn’t do anything in my bed.” The words shoot from me, quick and sharp, like acid bullets.

His face falls and I see the light behind his warm eyes dim.

Fuck

I regret the words the second I realize my mistake. Though I suppose on some level, deep down, I knew that the word choice would hurt him, but I said it anyway.

I said it anyway.

I was so upset that I said it anyway.

“No?” He replies sounding a bit offended at the accusation, even though it’s not out of the realm of possibility. “I wouldn’t do that in your bed.”

The impulse to lash back is there, bubbling just under my skin, but I have no reason to be angry. No valid, explainable reason. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Lie.

“Right.” Noah says softly but with a slight edge. “Well, I” He thumbs over his shoulder. “Um, she was just about to leave so.”

“Okay.” I reply quietly, suddenly overwhelmed with an odd mixture of anger and guilt.

While Noah escorts the girl out to say goodbye, I begin tidying up the room. Noah is pretty clean thankfully, so the room itself is clean, but I can’t shake the feeling of something oddly foreign within the four walls. The room suddenly feels so dirty and the taste on my tongue is sour like expired milk. My eyes land on the bed sheets and my stomach feels like I had drank expired milk – maybe 3 whole gallons of it. My mind struggles to account for the food I had eaten today but fails. Surely that is the reason for my abrupt nausea.

Before I can even process my actions, my fingers hungrily latch onto the bed sheets, snapping each fitted corner off the mattress. Heavy textbooks and pens hit the floor with a loud crash.

Despite having just washed them, I’m absolutely positive that they’re filthy.

Maybe they smelled too much like stagnant laundry this morning

Maybe they were making me itchy last night

Maybe I developed an allergy to our detergent

Maybe it’s been too warm and I soaked them in sweat

Or maybe I just want to clean the fucking sheets.

“Oh,” Noah’s gentle voice startles me from the doorway. His eyes trail up from the mess on the floor to the balled-up sheets beneath my palms. “Um, did I accidentally get highlighter on them or something?”

“Nope.” I’m quick to answer. “Just wanna wash ‘em.”

His brows furrow still looking at where my hands keep the shape of the large sphere of material. “Oh. Um, well. I just washed them like 2 or 3 days ago?”

“It’s fine, I just want to wash them again.” I respond shortly.

“Okay… well, let me do it then.” He crosses the space between us going for the sheets but I pull away.

“No. I got them, thanks.” I avoid him by swerving around his thin body and head towards the door.

“Well, what can I do? I could mop again or… reorganize the fridge? Or…” He trails off, not being able to come up with much else.

“No, Noah. It’s Stella’s turn to mop and who the fuck offers to reorganize a fridge?” I snap at him from the doorway, “You don’t need to be cleaning the house 24/7, okay?”

His eyes falter but he nods “Oh, sorry, I um, I just wanna be doing my part. You know… earn my keep and all that? I just… wanna help.”

My face softens and the tight muscles in my shoulders ease. I feel guilt all over again.

I sigh. “I’m sorry – I just - I just had a bad week with school and with the shop and,” I pause. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, okay?”

He nods and the edges of his mouth upturn ever so slightly into a tight-lipped smile. “Okay.” He pauses, fidgeting with his fingers. “Sorry about Kassidy. I should’ve asked.” He says quietly while his eyes drop to his anxious hands.

The tips of my fingers curl into the sheets a bit, a stream of… frustration maybe? shoots through my veins. “It’s okay. I just don’t want my mom to get mad.”

A half lie.

“Right.”

When I turn to leave, he stops me, “Oh – I wanted to ask you something?”

My eyes widen while still turned away from him. A chill rolls up my spine at the realization that we’ve barely spoken since yesterday morning, when his hand was around my cock.

“Um sure, what’s up?” I turn back to him cautiously.

“Well, the fair is in town this weekend, I thought we could go? You know, me, you and Folio?”

I smile at him, relieved it wasn’t about something else. “Sure, sounds fun.”

-Friday Night-

When Folio comes to pick us up, I immediately regret agreeing to carpool. The passenger side door flings open with yet another blonde in the front seat. This one a bit more of a natural, darker blonde and not nearly as bobblehead-like. She looks vaguely familiar, maybe she was one of the wannabe sorority girls from the frat party.

I sigh when I glance over to my busted blue car that’s been acting up every morning since the cold weather’s been getting closer.

The girl smiles wide at us and gets out so we can fold her chair to get to the backseat.

We squeeze our way to the back and naturally, Noah’s mile-long limbs take up most of the room.

The thick distinctive stench of paper-wrapped nicotine coats the cracking plastic of his car doors and the pungent aroma of $10-per-gram weed oozes from the stained beige seats.

Even though Nick brought his ‘friend’, I feel decent about the fair tonight. I mean these are the things we should be doing, right? Going out is what college kids do.

The girl hands back a plastic bottle wrapped in brown paper and Noah hungrily takes it.

“Vodka.” She says simply with a dazed smile.

“Cool.” Noah grins, though I know he’s never tasted pure vodka in his life.

He puts the bottle to his lips and tips it back, immediately scrunching his face in disgust at the taste. If it was just us, I know he would’ve spit it out.

He wipes his mouth off with the back of his hand, “Not bad.” He lies straight through his teeth.

Noah tips the bottle offering it to me. I shake my head and wave it off, “No, I’m good thanks.”

“Oh, c’mooonn Nick, don’t be a wuss.” Noah whines.

“Yeah Nick, loosen up! Have some fun!” Folio perks up from the driver's seat and watches me in the rearview mirror.

The last time he told me to “loosen up”, he ended up floundering in a lake so it hardly has an enticing ring to it.

“No really.” I reaffirm. “Not for me.”

Noah tsk’s and rolls his eyes, “You’re no fun.”

The words hit me square in the chest and my ribs mold around the letters like playdoh.

You’re no fun.

They’re simple words. Logically, I know they’re mostly a joke. Yet, they burn like a lit match colliding with white paper.

You’re no fun.

We’ve been friends for a long time. Long enough to sit in boring silence scrolling on our phones comfortably for hours. But now I’m no fun because I won’t drink out of a foreign bottle?

The searing in my lungs forces my hand to reach and snatch the bottle from him abruptly. I don’t think, I just do. I take the bottle to my lips and tilt my head back with scrunched-closed eyes. I chug, better he did and better than the girl, until the scorching of my throat gets too much.

I shove the bottle back at him, now an extra quarter empty. His face and every other face in the car seem shocked, eyes wide with slightly dropped jaws.

“What?” I hiss and let out a vodka-singed burp. “You told me to have fun.”

Nick’s wheels roll to a halt in the dirt of the fair’s extended parking. The crowded car disperses faster than I anticipated, leaving me alone in the empty car. I stumble out of my seat and precariously steady myself in the dirt to scan the parking lot for the group. The four of them are already ahead of me, nearly halfway to the entrance. Their laughter carries in the wind all the way back over to me.

Once I catch up, I trail behind them quietly. My hands stuffed in my pockets and my Vans kicking up dry dirt, just trying to focus on walking in a straight line.

As we approach the ticketing office, my heart plummets to my stomach when I see two familiar girls standing at the gate waiting for us.

I should’ve known.

“Nicholas, you remember Brooke, right?” Noah grins and gestures to the carbon copy of every other sorority girl on campus.

“Yeah. Hey.”

That’s when I notice the delay in my words and the lag between my fingertips as I wave to her. And as we buy our tickets and make our way into the fair, I catch the warmth all over my skin and the growing numbness in my lips.

I think I’m drunk. Really drunk.

We make a solid lap around the entire park – picking up random snacks here and there, some fried oreos, a shared funnel cake, slushees, and more I can’t even remember. All the fried food mixed with the couple spin-y rides and the alcohol sloshing in my stomach, I was more than ready for an actual meal. I convinced everyone on hotdogs since it’s the cheapest food here and I’d already spent a good chunk of my tip money on ride tickets and overpriced junk food.

When we reach the window of the hotdog stand we’re met with a familiar face.

“Bryan!” Exclaims Folio, excited to see his fraternity mentor.

As always, Bryan looks about as thrilled as a mother of toddler triplets after a candy bender.

“Trout.” He replies unenthusiastically with his monotone cadence matching the deep sleep-deprived purple beneath his eyes.

Normally I would’ve giggled at Folio’s ridiculous nickname but my body was too focused on sustenance.

“Two hotdogs and fries please.” I skip past the rest of the indecisive group.

“We’re out of fries.” He replies flatly.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

He just shrugs, unbothered.

“Fine. Just the hotdogs then.” I huff.

“Coming right up.” He feigns enthusiasm.

The rest of the group place their orders and I can’t help but find amusement in how comical Bryan looks. He’s uniformed in a hotdog themed apron and a silly hotdog visor.

We finally make our way to a painted blue picnic table that sits off to the side away from the busy crowd. I’m grateful for the small respite from the overwhelming, overstimulating chatter.

I fucking hate hotdogs. Usually.

But the minute that meat and bread combo meets my tastebuds, it is as though heaven itself found home in my mouth.

The rest of table fades out as I devour my food and it is only when I’ve finished my 2nd dog that start regaining consciousness. I glance over at the boys who are in the midst of telling some story that’s got all the girls laughing.

My eyes land on Kassidy. She’s giggling at every single thing Noah says and he’s looking at her like she hung the moon.

No matter how tacky or annoying she is, she’s still objectively beautiful – beautiful in a way I could never be.

The way she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, makes me want long blonde hair too. When she bats her fake lashes at him, it makes me wish mine were longer. Her nails adorned with white tips suddenly make my nailbeds feel bare. The foundation caked on her face reminds me of the breakout I have on my cheek and the stubble growing beneath my nostrils. All at once I’m disappointed with every bit of myself that isn’t like her.

A fleeting moment of curiosity passes pondering if this is what it feels like to question your gender. It had never crossed my mind to be anything other than male, nothing else I ever desired. I’ve never felt like I was in the wrong body or anything of the sort – so, I don’t quite think that’s what I’m feeling now.

Maybe I just envy her existence or how confident she is. Maybe I find her attractive? It’d be kinda shitty if I found her attractive, seeing as she’s Noah’s date and I’m here with Brooke. I don’t think it’s that either, since I can barely tolerate either of them.

Perhaps I’m just drunk and confused.

I must just be drunk and confused.

Once the food settles in my tummy, I feel significantly better, a little nauseous still but better nonetheless. My buzz has fizzled, but the tips of my fingers still tingle and words are still hard.

I quietly use a leftover bun to move around a glob of ketchup as entertainment. Noah’s always been the social one, he’s always been the connections, the glue. So, it’s no surprise that he’s captured the attention of the whole table, filling the air with collective drunken giggles. Normally though, he helps nudge me gently into conversations. He helps me not stay silent like I am now. It’s fine though, I don’t have much to contribute since they have all these inside jokes from their study group.

I snap out of my daze when I hear Folio crunch a coke can in his hand as he gets up from the table. There’s an emptiness beside me I hadn’t felt til now – Brooke is gone.

My gaze follows the group as they get up from the table to bring their trash to the overflowing garbage can.

“Where did Brooke go?” I ask to the general conglomerate, most of which pay no mind to me.

“She left to go meet up with some other friends.” Noah replies, his tone suggests that he’s downplaying the situation. I’m sure she wasn’t having fun with a half-drunk silent boy.

‘You’re no fun’ rings in my head from earlier in the car.

2 things I’ve learned from tonight are:

1 – eat hotdogs when drunk.

2 – pretending to be “fun” is really fucking exhausting.

“Oh.” I say quietly, matching their actions by tossing my flimsy paper plate and Dr. Pepper can into the trash.

“We’re heading towards the bigger rides, if you want to come.” He turns and follows the rest of the group through some carnival game tents.

‘If you want to’ I mimic him in my head.

No I don’t fucking want to but I was driven here and I’m stranded.

“Yeah.” I mumble and quickly jog to meet them ahead of me.

The others made their way to the short ferris wheel line after I insisted it was okay to leave me behind. I sure as fuck didn’t want to sit in a pod alone or 3rd wheel on one of their’s.

I watch Noah and Kassidy’s pod reach and stop at the peak of the small ferris wheel, I don’t know why I’m watching but my body is rooted where I stand. Upon it’s a slow descent down, I see it.

His hand cupping her face. Their lips locked.

It’s not a decision I make until their pod locks at the gate and they’re being let out. My foot swivels in the dirt, kicking up dying grass as I try to dip around various family-owned booths for cover. As feared, I hear him calling from behind. I knew I had messed up by making a run for it so late.

“Nicholas!”

His calling only makes my legs move faster – I’m not sure exactly why I’m running or what good it’ll do, just that I need to get as far away from him as possible.

He catches up to me faster than I was prepared for. Fall leaves crunch beneath his worn-out Converse. “Where are you going?” He asks and before I even turn around to see him, I know the look on his face. The same look that I can’t seem to ever say no to – the one that breaks my back just to make me bend to him.

I sigh and turn to him. “Noah, I’m going home.”

“What! Why?”

And there it was. Big, round, puppy dog eyes full of decadent chocolate so sweet it could rot the teeth right out of your skull - paired with pouted lips that demand pity and restitution.

“I’m not having fun. I don’t want to be here.”

“What? You told me you wanted to go to the fair?” He questions with curved eyebrows.

“No. I didn’t. You invited me. You told me that I wanted to go. You tricked me into being on a triple date I didn’t want to be on.” My arm gesturing towards the fair.

“Well, c’mon we can still make it fun! We can just get some more ride tickets and-” He grabs the sleeve of my flannel and tugs at it towards the fair.

I yank my arm back so hard it nearly pulls him back with it, “No you’re not listening to me Noah. I don’t want to be here. Why do you continue to bring me places that you KNOW I won’t like?”

“We’ve been to the fair a million times, Nick.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Yeah! With just us! Not with three random fucking girls!” The churning in my chest begins to spit drunken thoughts out without filters.

His brows knit together in confusion. “They’re not random girls Nicholas, and I really thought you’d hit it off with Brooke-”

“Oh my god, why the fuck would you think I’d get along with her? Just because she’s got tits and ass? Sorry, I’m not you, I need a little more than that.” I scoff.

“Well, I-I don’t know just thought you’d want-”

“Augh!” I groan and pace a tiny lap around the grass. “Can you stop assuming you know what I do or don’t want?”

“So, let me get this straight. You don’t want to go to parties, or the fair, or hang out with girls… normal college stuff, you don’t want?”

My heart pounds hard against my eardrums and my fingers burn with frustration. My fists tighten at my sides and my jaw clenches, digging each row of teeth into the other. Molten lava threatens to spill from my throat.

“No, Noah. I guess I don’t want ‘normal college stuff’, I don’t fucking like alcohol and I don’t even know if I like girls!”

My yelled words tumbled from my mouth so easily I didn’t even realize I said anything that odd until Noah’s eyes widen.

I don’t even know if I like girls.

“What?” Noah asks softly and genuinely with his head tilted slightly.

“I-I,” I stumble back, accidentally hitting an oak tree behind me. “I’m- I just need to go home.”

“Nick.” His hands stretch out to grab my arm as I turn to leave but he’s a millisecond too late. “Nick!” He calls after me.

Every bit of adrenaline available in my body propels me forward, past all the booths, all the rides, and through all the neighboring forest. When my feet finally find asphalt, my head feels like a basketball on a player’s fingertip. My eyes widen at a sharp turn in my stomach. I analyze my surroundings in a split second, running towards a lamp post for support. The moment my palm touches the cold metal, I double over and empty the contents of my stomach onto the concrete. The funnel cake, the cotton candy, the fried Oreos, the slushees, and the goddamn fucking hotdogs all found home the sidewalk.

I don’t even know if I like girls.

Why would I say that?

Is that true?

Do I not like girls?

Of course, I like girls.

I wobble over to a bench and sit on the cool wood. The weather’s a lot colder now that the sun has set, and I regret not bringing a proper jacket.

I like girls. I know I like girls. Right?

I mean, I’ve been jerking off to girls… this whole time? So, if I didn’t like girls, why would I do that?

I like girls.

Only.

I like girls.

Right?

I shake my head of the thoughts spinning faster than I can even grasp.

The dim light of the street lamp flickers and it occurs to me that it’s almost 10 pm and I have no idea where I am or how to get home.

Fuck.

Pulling my location up in my Maps app tells me that I’m still fairly close to the fair, which unfortunately means I’m pretty far from home. Tears begin prickling in my eyes and a tight knot forms in my throat.

The weight of the night crashes down onto me all at once.

The “you’re no fun”

The fucking hot dogs

The “she went to meet other friends”

The “if you want to”

The ferris wheel

The “I don’t even know if I like girls”

“Fuck.” My voice cracks as tears take hostage of my cheeks.

My body doubles over, folding in on itself to bury my face in my hands.

I’m drunk, I had a shit night, I left my best friends at the fair and now I’m stranded on some random street.

Even through my own heaving, a brief pang of guilt shoots in my stomach for leaving Noah behind.

He wanted to have a good night, perhaps I ruined it.

In the past, I would’ve stayed feeling guilty because I knew for a fact that if the roles were reversed, he’d come back to find me. But now, I’m not so sure. I don’t think he’d leave Kassidy for anyone or anything.

Not even me.

My palms try to stave off the tears by digging into my eye sockets.

“Fuck, okay. I need to get it together.” I say out loud to myself, letting out a deep exhale. “What the fuck am I gonna do.”

Both of my only friends are still at the fair.

Mom is at work.

So that leaves me with…

Stella.

“Shit.”

I unwillingly pull myself from the bench and begin to pace back and forth taking fast but deep breaths. I ring out my hands out, trying to expel any sort of panic from them. The last thing I need is for her to see me like this.

Finally, once I’ve composed myself, I dig my phone out of my pocket and click her contact name “Snot”.

It rings for a little bit too long and I almost hang up just before she answers.

“Hello?” She asks a little louder than necessary, shortly after I hear a flood of giggles in the background. Her sleepover.

“Hey.” I barely get out without my voice cracking.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asks with concern lacing her voice. There’s the sound of a door closing behind her, shutting out the chatter.

“Oh um-“ My tone pitched up and I feel tears welling up in my eyes again. If the rest of tonight’s events weren’t enough, here I am making a fool out of myself to my little sister. “I forgot about your sleepover. It's fine – I’ll just walk home or something.”

“Walk home? Where are you?”

I swallow the knot in my throat trying to keep my voice level, normal and calm but my pause is long and loud.

“I-I,” My eyes squeeze shut pushing as much of my tears out. “I don’t know.”

“Did you drink?”

The back of my hand roughly wipes my nose. “Yes.”

“Are you with Noah?” Her voice is gentle and kind and reminds me of how our mother would talk to us when we scraped our knees.

I sniffle and my voice threatens to break once more. “No.”

“Okay.” She states as if she just got handed a checklist of effortless tasks. “The girls were just about to go home.” I know that’s a lie. “Drop me a pin and I’ll come get you.”

“Thanks Stell.” I reply quietly.

“Of course.”

It took about 20 minutes for Stella to pick me up in my own car.

My arms wrap around my shivering body and my head rests on the window as I watch the streetlights zoom past us. Her speed is inconsistent, fast in short bursts then slow in long drags. Her stops are jerky and her turns wide. If this was an early Tuesday school morning, she wouldn’t be able to stop my mouth from rambling off critiques. But tonight, opening my mouth seems more dangerous than her driving.

“So. Do you wanna talk about what happened?” She cuts through the silence unapologetically, like opening a crisp can of Coke in a dead, silent room.

I shake my head.

“C’mon. You can’t really expect me to pick you up in the middle of nowhere at midnight without any context?” She patters her fingertips on the steering wheel and glances over at me. “Did something happen with Noah? Did you get into a fight?”

“Something like that.” I mutter.

She squints her eyes and kind of tilts her head to the side. “You guys never fight?”

“Well.” I reply bluntly. “Things change, I guess.” The fabric of the seat cover stretches as I shift. “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

The gears spin in her head, I can almost see them. “Weird.” She mumbles under her breath. “Was it about a girl?”

“I said I’m done answering questions.”

“Sheesh, okay.” She says defensively.

Silence fills every empty space in the car. I’m not sure I’ve ever been uncomfortable around my sister before, but I certainly am now. It’s a new feeling, something I want to run and hide from. My knee bounces nervously as my mind cycles through everything that happened tonight. Regardless of anxiety and confusion twisting my organs into pretzels, I fear that if I don’t say what’s chanting in my head right now, I could explode.

“I told Noah that I don’t even know if I like girls.” I blurt out with extreme urgency, as if I didn’t get it out now, I never would.

Her eyes widen a bit but they stay focused on the road. My heart thumps hard against my chest threatening to jump right out.

“Okay.” She says calmly but cautiously. “And why did you say that?”

“I-I don’t know.” I let the weight of my body finally relax and sink into the seat. “You’ve known me my whole life. Do you think that I… might not only like girls?”

She turns to me at a red light and the face she gives me reminds me of when she was 4 and I was 7, when I speculated that Santa might not be real. Without a second thought she replied, “Of course he’s not real, silly.”

Even at 4 years old she was smarter than me.

“I think that might be a question you have to figure out yourself, Nick. I can’t tell you what you do or don’t like.”

I huff, suddenly frustrated that I couldn’t hand off such a complex task onto someone else – that I couldn’t have someone else give me a quick, solid, factual answer.

“I guess you’re right.” I mumble.

She returns her focus to the road and lets out a little sigh. “Do you remember when we were little? And we liked Power Rangers?”

“…Yeah?” I reply confused as to what exactly Power Rangers has to do with my sexuality.

“Well, I remember the first time we watched it - and you thought it was so stupid.”

“No I didn’t? I loved Power Rangers?”

“No.” She corrects me. “At first, when it was just us, you thought it was dumb. But then all your friends started liking it and suddenly you did too. You even wanted to be the red one for the group costume that Halloween, remember?”

“Okay… and? What are you getting at?”

“I can’t tell you what you are or aren’t, Nick. But you’re right - I have known you my whole life. And I know that sometimes you change things about yourself to, I don’t know… not make waves? Not stand out? To fit in? I don’t know your reasoning and I don’t know if that’s what you did with this. But… just something to think about I guess?”

My fingers tap at my knee in thought. I don’t really remember that specific component, only that I had Power Ranger shirts and bedsheets. I remember playing with the figures on the playground with friends and running around the neighborhood with them on Halloween as the Red Ranger. If I was having fun, does it really matter if I didn’t actually like Power Rangers?

“Yeah… I guess it’s something to think about.” I let out a deep sigh. “How’d you get so smart anyway?”

She shoots me a smile, “I learned from the best.”

“Nope, definitely not me. That was all Mom.”

“Who did you think I meant?” She smirks.

“Ha-ha so funny.” I roll my eyes with a toothy grin, finally feeling the tiniest sliver of ease enter my body.

The relaxation slipped from me as quickly as it arrived. “Please don’t um, tell her…or anyone that we talked about this – especially Noah.”

“You got it. I would never.”

I somehow feel relieved yet terrified of what I’ve just divulged to her.

“Do you wanna get donuts from that 24-hour place? And maybe some water for your inevitable hangover?”

“God yes please.” My thumbs rub circles into my throbbing temples. “And a burger please, jesus I need a burger. And fries, I need fries more than air right now.”

“Fiiine, McDonalds too, I guess.”

“Thanks, Stell.” I say soft and genuine.

“Of course, Nick.”

I smile kindly at her. Tomorrow I’ll probably regret everything I said and did tonight but right now, I’m getting junk food with my sister at midnight and the world is quiet. Everything feels okay, even if it only lasts until the end of my Mcdonald’s.

I wave Stella goodnight as she walks into her room. With a twist of my doorknob, I open my door and my feet halt in their tracks. My swollen eyes widen at the last thing I expected to be in my room.

“What are you doing here?” I question before I can even really gauge my own reaction.

Noah sits on the edge of the bed still in the same outfit from the fair.

“I went looking for you.” His brown eyes find mine and it makes my chest ache the same way it did earlier on the bench.

“You did?” My square shoulders soften briefly before straightening back up again. “And why would you do that?” I snap at him.

The space between his brows burrows slightly, seemingly confused by my harsh response. “Well, I-I,” He presses his lips together while his fingers pick at his nails. “I was worried about you.”

My eyes dart down to the carpet and try to ignore the way my heart swells at his words. I swallow hard and curl my fists at my sides. “Well, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I’m fine.”

“Oh okay…” He trails off and lets his gaze drop to his fiddling hands and bouncy leg. “I just wanted to make sure, I guess.”

“Okay well, you’ve made sure. Now I really just wanna go to bed, if that’s okay with you.” I cross all of the two feet from the doorway to my dresser and forcefully yank the top drawer open.

He carefully lifts from the bed and meets me where I dig for clothes. “Nicholas.” His voice is gentle and full of concern, but no matter how much it should comfort me it just fans the flames of my resentment.

“What now, Noah.” I sigh harshly and turn to him.

“What did you mean at the fair?”

After the food adventures I had with Stella, it had almost erased what I had said from my memory. Too bad it couldn’t have done that to him too. I was really banking on him being too drunk to even remember. But I should know better than that – Noah and his very selective memory.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I feign confidence and turn back away from him to focus on finding PJs. My chest and limbs fill with a feeling similar to sitting in the waiting room of a principal’s office. Suddenly, I’m small and the room triples in size while the oxygen rapidly depletes.

“You know what I’m talking about Nick.” His fingers gently grab my arm to turn my attention to him again. “Do you… not like girls? Do you think you’re-”

“Gah! No!” I all but spit out. The thought of what he was about to say makes me want to vomit all over again. “No, I’m not…that.”

“O-oh, okay…but if you were, you know you could tell me, right? You know you can tell me anything, like we’ve always done.” His voice is quiet and tender, even through the vodka I can still smell on his breath.

“Oh my god Noah.” I grasp at the air in frustration. “No. I just said it to, to throw you off. So you’d let me go, so you’d leave me the fuck alone.”

“Oh.” His hand slips from my arm and he takes a step away from me.

If this was any other night, after any other event, I would apologize, minimize it, and say that I’m just having a bad night. But it’s not any other night and I don’t have enough energy in my entire body to make more excuses.

My fingers dig into the bundle of PJs I hold, and my stare stays straight on his chest. “I just, want to take a shower and go to bed. Okay?”

“Right.” He sucks his teeth and nods. “Okay, enjoy your shower then.”

“I will, thanks.” I reply blandly, shoving the overflowing drawer closed.

The world seems much lighter now that the thick layer of carnival muck, the remnants of alcohol and vomit were washed down the drain. I scrunch my hair with a terry cloth towel while I walk to my room from the shower.

I’m confused to find my door cracked open with the big light still shining through the door. I spent almost an hour trying to get all the grime off and let the water ease the pulsing in my head. Surely, Noah wouldn’t still be up, it’s almost 3 am.

I quietly creak the door open to find the bed empty.

“Huh?” I whisper to myself and make my way over to the disheveled bed. Noah’s nowhere to be found, but instead there’s a plushy on his pillow. I hook my finger through the plastic carabiner attached to it and lift it to my eyeline. It’s a stuffed tuxedo cat with sunglasses that look similar to the knockoff RayBans I usually wear.

I look back at the pillow and notice there was a note beneath it. I pick it up and unfold it with the cat dangling on my pinky.

‘Saw this at the fair and thought of you.

Went to stay over at Kassidy’s so, you can have your room back for the night.

-N’

The breath that escapes from deep in my torso seems to deflate me completely. I knew the slip of up of my words the other day hurt him, more than I thought. A vine of thorns wraps around my throat, each guilt-drenched spike digs into my windpipe. He left because of me.

I take a precarious seat on the edge of the bed, holding each item in each hand. My palm aches to crush the note in my fingers but my eyes burn with salty tears too. All while the cat swells my chest in the saddest way possible. How could someone feel so many things at once?

I have no screams, no yells, no sobs left in me and my body begs for rest. I can’t let myself wallow in whatever this is, how could I make sense of it now? When my brain is so hazy and my eyes are so sleepy.

I use the back of my hand to wipe away the tiny bit of tears left in my eyes and set the note and the stuffed kitty on my bedside table. The bed creaks when I bury my knee into the mattress and let myself fall to the middle.

The bed feels colder and emptier without him in it, but right now I’m not sure this is where I want him to be.

I reach up to tug the lamp light off and pull the duvet around my shivering body.

After about 20 mins of stirring with no hope of falling asleep, I give in and just stare into the stillness of the room. My eyes finally adjust to the darkness and start making a sort of mental inventory list counting all of the items scattered around my room that aren’t mine. I try to remember what the room looked like before he moved in, but I can’t.

While there are growing pains, I can’t imagine my room without him in it anymore. He’s tangled himself into the very essence of the space.

Drawing my gaze across the room, I land on the kitty he’d gotten for me at the fair. I reach across the space and bring it to the bed, placing it in his spot.

It fills a tiny void in the vast emptiness of the bed and for about 15 minutes I cling to the minor comfort it brings, believing it might help me fall asleep.

I let out a frustrated sigh. The heaviness of the night drops onto my shoulder blades and finds refuge beneath my eyes. Once again a venomous coil tightens itself around my ribs.

It is mostly confusion that I feel, the only factor I can distinctly pick out.

The only other one I can somewhat recognize is, loneliness.

I glance back over to the cat and it dawns on me the possible reason I can't fall asleep. My fingertips tap rhythmically against the mattress cycling through my options until I find one.

I wrap my thick duvet around my body and grab my pillow before shuffling down the hall. I gently tap my knuckle against her door then crack it open just a bit.

“Stella.” I whisper-yell into her room. “Stella.”

She shifts in her bed and cracks one eye open at me. “Hm?” She groans sleepily.

I let myself in and scuffle across the carpet to her bedside. “Can I sleep on your floor?” I request in a hush.

“What? Why?” Her brows knit together with her eyes barely open. “What’s wrong with your bed?”

I chew on my bottom lip searching my brain for an answer that makes any sense but there’s only one.

“It’s empty.”

tag list; @ladyveronikawrites @sinkingteethinwhitenoise @concretenoah @kingdomof-omens @the-hell-i-overcame @blackveilomens @xxrainstorm [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

Thank you for the support on this series and on my other series, Virality. I appreciate it more than you know. I love reading your comments and asks. I am incredibly grateful for them, thank you.

#i have edited this so many times and it got so long #sorry if there’s errors or is bad idk 😭#im honestly just really sick of editing and looking at it #longest chapter i’ve ever written for any of my series-es ever #as always lots of plot lots of dialogue #concreteburialplot works #intertwined series #nicholas ruffilo fanfic #nicholas ruffilo fic #nick ruffilo fanfiction #noah x nick #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian fanfic #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #nicholas ruffilo smut #noah x nicholas #noah x nicholas fanfic #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fic

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 2 months

Note

For the ship game: Leopika and Hisoillu! I don't know your ship taste well so I'm just hitting a couple other big HxH ships hrjfjkjkdlgdfk hope you don't mind

Oh, I don't mind at all, Percy! :)

Hisoillu is... I mean... they are kind of sort of engaged (?) so. Yeah, it makes sense. Also, I can think of no one else in the universe who should be subjected to close proximity with these two on a regular basis hdfhbsdhj. Congrats, you're perfect for each other, just never involve anyone else in what you've got going on ever. Truthfully, I'm kind of indifferent towards it as a ship. It makes sense to me, but it's not something I actively seek out in fanworks I suppose. It's just, yeah, Hisoka and Illumi are together. Happy for them lol. I guess it's mostly because I think murder is their love language and I just... can't see them being romantic with each other in a lot of the more typical ways that characterize many fanworks. Do they want to kill each other, or are they into each other? The answer is both - the murder is an intrinsic aspect of the "being into each other" hdjfbvhd. That said, I think they have a pretty healthy respect for each other, due to probably being evenly matched, I'd say. I think Hisoka genuinely finds Illumi good company, and Illumi readily has fairly casual conversations with Hisoka. Their dynamic is kind of fascinating actually, and I do honestly think they're kind of perfect for each other. Diversity win??? Loss??? I'm honestly not sure lmao

Leopika :') I love the potential for them. Sadly, they don't have all that many interactions in the canon manga, so I would ordinarily say it doesn't make a huge amount of sense, but then we have the 99 anime and the radio skits who seem determined to ship them so hfbgjdhj I have no clue. I'm weird about this ship because I tend to alternate between "yeah they're cute" and "oh god. oh god. them. AAARGGHHH" and experiencing emotional damage hahaha. I am like this with no other ship. It's very strange to me.

The one thing is that I'm extremely picky with Kurapika characterization, in any art or story. If Kurapika doesn't read right to me, I just can't suspend my disbelief. I'm really not big on the "mom and dad" characterization, though no shade to anyone who is.

Peak Leopika dynamic to me takes into account not just Leorio's concern and Kurapika's walls, but also their mutual stubbornness and Kurapika's hilarious tendency to annoy Leorio on purpose. To me, I've always felt that he likes Leorio because he's a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and values individual lives so strongly, so he kind of checks that he hasn't changed that much when they see each other. I think it's kind of relieving for Kurapika, in a way, to know that Leorio will always be himself - "same old Leorio" kind of deal.

I also think Kurapika is just a little shit hjgbvsjdh

But no, I love that Leorio clearly eases up some of the pressure Kurapika feels, and seems to make him feel better about things- that's probably half the reason he keeps him at arms length. I think affectionate bickering is their love language. I also wish people noticed a little more that it's Kurapika who actually seriously initiated friendship between them, not Leorio. In most cases in the Hunter Exam, it was Kurapika approaching Leorio and showing a clear interest in sticking with him and helping him pass and achieve his dream. I think it's incredibly meaningful that one of the first people Kurapika meets and takes a liking to is this guy who wants to become a doctor - the doctor that Kurapika had left in the first place to go looking for. Anyways, I'm really looking forward to see what role Leorio will play in the current arc (just to have more Leorio, honestly, pls Togashi I miss him...), as I'm sure he will eventually find out about Emperor Time and OH BOY I'm sure that will go over well.

Erm. Sorry for rambling. I had a lot to say apparently...

#storyrambles #thanks for the ask!#ask game #hxh

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fuutaprotectionsquad · 5 months

Text

Yknow I feel like I should have a main post where I share my Milgram opinions/verdicts (thought of this bc i was writing my sister's opinion on the milgram characters). So I'll go character by character.

Will anyone read this? I don't know but its here

Haruka: I relate to him a bit (shitty mother, intrusive homicidal thoughts, neurodivergence). I def feel bad for him but hes still really guilty in my mind. I just think the whole killing for attention thing is a really dangerous mindset you can't just get out of, especially if you're being told you're not in the wrong. And it definitely seems like he doesn't actually feel bad for the girl he killed, just feels bad because people are mad at him for it. Idk. But I enjoy his dynamic with Muu a lot, even tho its toxic i just think its really interesting. But I wish him the best and he deserves a hug. His songs are mid tho (/hj i like them)

Yuno: I love her personality and I think shes so fun, but I honestly don't think about her a lot compared to the others. But I love her and specifically enjoy her dynamics with (obv mostly in fan content) Kazui, Mahiru and Fuuta. Her and Fuuta are such a good platonic ship (romantic is fun too). Innocent vote, obv. I like her songs, but Tear Drop moreso than Umbilical.

Fuuta: Oh my god I wonder what I think of him. In all seriousness he's a major hyperfixation of mine at like every given moment. I adore him and i think he deserves better and to be innocent. Like he feels so guilty for what he did and he didn't know any better, everyone around him was encouraging his behavior and praising him for it. But then it got too far and all his friends abandoned him and blamed him like. Poor fuuta :( and he's like 100% right when he says him and es are exactly the same. On another note, major fan of 0309 (romantically, but either way works), and also love his dynamic with Haruka, Yuno, Mahiru, Amane and Es. His songs are both in my top three (backdraft being #1)

Muu: Tied for my fav character(? Fuuta might beat her idk) I love her personality and vibe and everything just ❤️❤️ queen shit. And her queen bee design is gorgeous. Typically my favs are men but shes one of the first women ive hyperfixated on this much. Again, love her dynamic with Haruka, not from a like. healthy relationships could make the characters better standpoint, but from a story perspective its interesting. But yeah guilty. As for her songs, INMF is my #2 and i like After Pain

Shidou: Honestly I used to be kinda indifferent about him and just found him to be boring but then I rewatched his voice dramas and read some fics and I like him more now. I feel really bad for him bc he went through a really shitty situation which he felt he had the power to change and was stuck in a shitty moral dilemma bc of it. And in the end he did shitty things to save those he loved and it didn't even matter. He feels so guilty and doesn't deserve it. Innocent <3. Also romantic 0507 ftw (0506 is cool too). Him and Amane are silly too. As for his songs i like them, but they're not my fav

Mahiru: i like her, but im not too like. invested in her ig. But i feel bad for her :( she just wants to feel love and like. clearly she did something wrong but she didn't know she was. She never intended to hurt anyone. So innocent. Unless we find out she like. did something really fucking bad then maybe guilty. But in I Love You it implies it was a mutual toxicity so it probably wasn't something super terrible? But anyway. I love her with like all the characters cuz shes just so fun to see interact w others, but specifically with Yuno, Fuuta, Shidou, Amane and Mikoto.

Kazui: Hes so fun i love him. Like all he wants is to be honest and be himself but he feels pressured to lie and then finally he tells the truth and his wife fucking kills herself like- jeez- poor guy. Like following the gay theory, i get why she mightve done it (imagine being told the romance you built your entire life around for like 20 years was all a lie, and that your husband never actually loved you and just pretended to and every time you kissed or something he was just pretending like. that sucks poor hinako) but its so awful that he had to go thru that. But anyway innocent, kazui come out we accept you. And stan 0507. Song wise cat is easily #4 but. half is ok ig

Amane: Yknow i love amane but I also hate her and i think part of that might be the fandom? idk. I feel sorry for her bc she grew up in such a shitty situation but also i think shes beyond the point where we can uninstill those ideologies. Like shes 12, not 5. And amane says it herself that she has as much of a free will as everyone else and that her decision to kill/stay in this environment should be valued. Not that i think she should remain in this abusive situation, but she's not just some innocent kid whose being manipulated, she knows what she's doing. Hence, guilty. I don't think either vote will change her or anything so im voting with my honest opinion. As for dynamics, i love seeing her interact with all the other prisoners, but especially Shidou and Fuuta.

Mikoto: I love mikoto a lot but im so on the fence about his verdict. Ive been voting him innocent but theres still a part of me thats like. debating it. Bc he shouldn't have to be punished for John's actions, and it sucks that that's the situation hes in, but its that or more murders are left to occur. The main reason i say innocent is under the idea that John could go dormant or just stop fronting as much if we reduce mikoto's stress (like he says will happen i think). But hes so complex and fun i love mikoto. Specifically i love romantic 0309 but also his dynamic w the smoking group and mahiru. Also i love his songs.

Kotoko: I love her but also fuck her for hurting fuuta (and mahiru too but mainly fuuta). She annoys me bc she was so quick to almost murder several people based on a preliminary verdict that was made using little information. Like she knew this wasn't a concrete verdict, but attacked them anyway. I get her ideology of "kill people who evade justice to protect the weak" but only when they've actually done bad things (ie. the guy kidnapping the little girl). But when she doesn't know what they did and knows the person accusing them doesn't either???? Like bruh. But i like her character shes fun. I like seeing how she interacts with es and everyone she attacked. And songs, harrow is okay and i really like deep cover.

Whew im done.

#this has been in my drafts for a hot bit so im posting it #milgram #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuriha

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underdark-dreams · 2 months

Text

Facts About Fellow Writers Tag Game

Thank you @darkurgetrash and @lostinforestbound for the tags! Tagging @rolansrighthorn (zero pressure, only if you feel like participating 🖤)

Last book I read:

I'm reading through the Fourth Wing series by Rebecca Yarros right now (thanks for the rec Cal!) Last book I finished was a re-read of Jennette McCurdy's I'm Glad My Mom Died. Obsessed with her raw honesty

Greatest literary inspiration:

Jane Austen for her characterization and use of the Loud Silence, and Dickens for his world building and details! (sidenote A Tale of Two Cities: The Musical was one of the 2008 recession's most tragic victims, go look it up if you're a Les Mis fan)

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write:

I very much want to but am so bad at writing M/M pairings 🫣 At the same time, M!Paladin Tav x any of the Tiefling men is literally catnip to me. I love it sm 😩

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me:

Ikaron 💗 Anything Ikaron, including a rewrite of the Tieflings in Act 2 with him as a protag. I'll probably write it anyway! We Ikaron lovers are few but feral. There are dozens of us!

You can recognize my writing by:

Pared-down prose, comma splices, gerunds, too many adverbs, use & abuse of pining tropes. Generally all the things I was taught not to do in my creative writing program but said fuck it

My most controversial take (current fandom):

Zevlor as a paladin companion ("good" route alternative to Minthara) makes more sense than Halsin or Minsc as a companion. Halsin at least should've been party-recruitable going into Act 2 and the Shadow-Cursed Lands. Right? He would have so much idle dialogue while exploring that map. And though I truly adore Minsc and do use him in my party (re-specced to Gloomstalker to give Astarion a break now and then), he's just recruited so late in Act 3. Recruiting Zevlor in the Mindflayer Colony and bringing him into Act 3 (plus the Ketheric fight) would've just been so interesting for the Tief community as a whole. They are such a big part of Acts 1 & 2, it just feels like they need more closure in the final act.

Current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut):

I'd say a 7! I am noodling on little blurbs every night, including for my Rolan WIPs, and for any other NPCs that strike my fancy. I don't have as much free time as I did in January (fuck work) or I'd be writing a lot more. And Rimworld Anomaly DLC + Stardew 1.6 are seriously testing my free time lmao! But the thirst to write can never be snuffed out~

Top 3 favorite tropes?

MUTUAL PINING 😩

Forced Proximity ( awakened by @catsharky who handed me the plot for Pent Up)

Hurt/Comfort

Share a random frustration:

It takes me a lot of time and effort to get into a writing flow. The littlest distraction can completely derail a good session (ADHD gang wya)

Also, I can never turn off my editor mode, am constantly editing as I draft, and am slow as fuck at writing as a result 😭

#tag game #bg3 fanfiction #rebgrrl writes

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fandomsbyladymelodrama · 7 months

Note

No pressure on this, but I wanted to ask if you'd like to tell me about one of/some of your favorite Christy scenes, and the things you like most about it/them? I can't singlehandedly revive the fandom on here, but it's such a joy to talk over this show with other fans!

I didn't realize until recently how thoroughly the Neil/Christy relationship informed my romantic preferences in all the media and writing I've done since watching it in my teens. Older, scholarly man/younger, determined woman, some kind of angst in the man's past, a need to change things for the better as an intrinsic part of the woman's character, a taboo element that stands in the way of the relationship... Even in the slash pairings I love so much, there's still so many elements of it!

Hey filmmakers, don't think we don't notice that you frame these two with Christy on a step/incline half the time to de-emphasize the height difference...

Oh my, oh my. Okay, first, let's be real. I've been waiting for an ask like this since 1994 (baby Tumblr wasn't even born yet 😂) so get ready for some major Neil/Christy feels that I've been suppressing but also diligently-tending-in-the-background for 30+/- years. THEY. ARE. PERFECT. Top-shelf OTP bottle, for sure. You understand, right? Of course, you do. We've discussed. But yeah, I feel the same way about this show/book/pairing influencing and informing both my writing style and romantic preferences in fiction over the years. Happy to admit it. Yes *raises hand* 1000 times yes. Hello, my name is ladymelodrama, and the fact that CBS so cruelly stole resolution for Neil/Christy from us forever (I'm not counting the PAX movies, I'm just not) is a crime against good television everywhere and will haunt my Christy-loving bones until I'm dead and buried in the ground deep enough so's the critter's can't find me, as Little Burl or Creed Allen would say. Anyway, you asked about Neil and Christy and favorite moments and since I can't just pick one...

I have a proposition to make :) Let's trade fave moments until we run out of them, maybe? No pressure, of course, but this is me mostly unwilling to commit to my Top 5 Scenes until I finish my rewatch, and even then I'll probably change my mind a couple times 😂 But here's one that I'll discuss in detail today and which I like to call the "Will This Do?" scene aka "and then they both smiled their little smiles at each other and lived happily ever after. The end." <3

(Credit to @heatherfield for this gif, and bless you, friend, for continuously shipping the same pairings as me - makes my gif-hunting so much easier haha <3)

So why do I love this scene so much? Oh, you know. Margret's dress. Objectively, it's gorgeous (the woman had style, even if she had no heart). And hey, it only coded Neil/Christy as endgame from the first episode, no big deal. Plus it was one of the softest moments in the whole show and THE WAY THEY SMILED AT EACH OTHER. Ugh. Soffffffft. I'm mean, you're seeing this too, right? ;) Meanwhile, I'm sure David is over here in the corner...doing what David does best XD Lurking. Always lurking.

(and, based on the pic I chose, maybe taking notes on how to have better chemistry with Christy? - "Dear Diary, Neil MacNeill is kinda the worst, have I mentioned?" 😂) But in all seriousness, what I love about that scene (and the exchange of smiles, in particular) is how there's an honest-to-goodness, my-spirit-just-spoke-to-your-spirit bit of humanity happening there. I die for those moments, little and quiet as they may be. It's just so...SOFT. They don't know each other yet. Not really. There's no romance at play (other than what I assume might be mutual physical attraction, even if Christy would never let herself go there. Not on her first days in the Cove) so it's more a budding friendship that we're seeing and friends-to-lovers is one of my favorite things? (Jorleesi, Jisbon, Siegfried/Audrey, Obidala, Red Cricket, Dickon/Mary much?). I also really enjoy when she comes down the stairs looking all pretty-in-lavender with her hair down (still lolling at your comment on that detail btw because...c'est vrai 😂) and "Oh no, David, it's so late...how will we ever get to Lufty Branch in time?" "Not we, Christy." (exactly, David, you're getting it). Too bad she has to spend all afternoon in this rustic cabin with a plaid-shirted, barrel-chested, brogue-speaking, moody mountain man with inside pain for dayssssss. Oh the everlasting horror XD

So yeah, so much to love about this scene (and the entire convo in the cabin afterwards and him plucking her from Theo prior to the whole dress thing - guy helps girl down from horse = I'm in love 😍). To witness the very beginning of their arc (okay, Part II of the beginning, but the doctor was busy with brain surgery during Part I, so you know what I mean) and to have the actors play it so, so beautifully and in an Appalachian setting that's just misty and magical and to die for all by itself... Mmmm *chef's kiss* Your turn, @darsynia <3

#christy #neil x christy #catherine marshall #christy huddleston #neil macneill #david grantland #forever favorites #OTP #why haven't i written neil/christy fic yet?#well because i'm still considering how to fix it #30 years later #XD #and because these two are with me for LYFE #but in the meantime #darsynia is writing a magical fix it #so you could just read hers #just saying #thanks for the ask!#<3

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dnangelic · 2 months

Text

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

biting the bullet and saying why not! i usually avoid protagonist types because i get intimidated by the amount of detail and canon i feel like i have to memorize in order to properly do them justice, same with more 'popular' charas/muses giving me more personal pressure to be a portrayal worth.... something?? respect and validity?? attention and friendship from my mutuals lmao 😭 but considering dnangel was painfully niche (despite the way everybody and their mom at least recognizes it) and about half the series was only in japanese anyways, (let's see you try to find full-length dnangel LN translations that aren't mine) AND it's been like 30 years since the series started, i figured i'd have nothing to lose if my tried my best with daisuke. dai's always basically been my first magical girl (boy-) exposure and for that i'm very grateful. i still remember how beautiful sugisaki's art was to me even while being shook that dai was falling off a cliff in vol 2. my whole life might as well have led up to this point is basically what i'm saying-

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

nothing much beyond the obvious taboos/what's in my rules. although, i don't really like if it a muse relationship doesn't go anywhere and stagnates at something like making fun of dark or daisuke nonstop. yeah they can be your funny guys, but don't suddenly ditch me or go off in an ooc post rant if that funny stuff takes an actual serious turn. i try to incorporate a lot of facets into dark and daisuke both, so i get frustrated when people solely try to force them into shallow facades of themselves. humor's great, but there's a point where people have to take daisuke and dark's feelings seriously too, or else i won't feel reciprocated, and i'll start losing respect for portrayals and muses.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

i just like writing in general really. if you write with me i really enjoy it. thank u so much💐✨. being able to take dark and daisuke out of their somewhat limited canon and put them through certain experiences or in front of certain personalities that i'd otherwise never ever get to see is very fulfilling for me, especially since the series probably won't get anymore updates in the future (holding out for an anime revival but for now i'll take the brand new 2024 drama cd.) if we're talking deepest indulgences... off the top of my head, i really like it when dark gets to be actually intimate with others without worrying over the curse or keeping any secrets for daisuke, which includes him being with even younger muses who just kind of marvel at him and look up to him be it as an older brother type figure or not. on daisuke's side of things, i'm just like sugisaki lmfao- i like it when he gets to do things and actually prove to muses that he's a) capable and unstoppable when he tries and b) actually kind of an impulsive hothead underneath all the anxiety dkjfkgjk.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

i wish i was the sort of person to spitball silly little headcanons out one after another but i'm not. most headcanons i have usually fulfill some kind of thematic or relate directly to canon; dark's skin being ice-cold and marble-smooth is all headcanon, him having fangs (sharp teeth) and claws is very very arguably headcanon, (as in, canon never comments on either or, but let it me known my dark absolutely does have these features,) all to better suit and exaggerate his role as 'the beast' and something inhuman, on the scarier and supernatural side of things. daisuke tumbling locks as a (quite telling to the perceptive) habit with his hands is headcanon, and so is his and dark's shared appreciation for fruits/sweets --- it's part of the fractured fairy-tale motif, but also the biblical, which both often have overlapping dealings and warnings in regards to sins, temptations, and pride, a la eating the apple / the gingerbread house. dark and dai are both the tempers and the ones tempted, but they're also thieves and possessive saviors; their eyes are kind but covet, their hands are cold but their smiles are warm, they clutch at and take anything that isn't theirs but often for the sole sake of keeping and protecting it. most of my headcanons end up revolving around that sort of thing.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

my surroundings are endlessly noisy so i usually have something playing. it's also why i write better at night during dead hours because it's quietest, but by then i'm usually worn out and just want to sleep 😂

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

i'm a winger. if i focus too long on quality for literally every single interaction i'd never get any replies out, but i do enjoy writing more complex/dramatic replies for mutuals whose styles better suit it. this is why my writing style shifts around between asks/responses/mutuals sometimes, although sometimes it's on purpose. dark's responses can seem far more complex and grandiose than daisuke's at times, but that's because mentally, daisuke's much younger and simpler and much more emotional/energetic. if i'm really inspired by a response but don't have the immediate time to sit and focus on a full length reply, sometimes i'll just jot down a sentence or two i want to use so i don't forget into my notes app, and it's usually smooth sailing from there.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

romantic? it's not my priority, especially since my standards are very strict. i refuse to get into a ship that feels empty because forcing something i don't actually feel for is the fastest way to kill off my muse. idc about kisses and i sure as hell don't do smut, my muse (both of them, dark included at least physically) is a minor, but if something happens naturally (which isn't at all impossible, this is daisuke i'm writing here,) then i'll roll with it and see where it goes. really it's not daisuke developing an attraction to another muse that i'm afraid of, just annoying muns or getting a negative reaction to potentially introducing any kind of narrative conflict. i like some drama. i like some figuring it out. i like depth touching depth. daisuke's entire life/series begins with him literally being rejected by his first crush on his birthday and he's part of a buy one boyfriend get one free package alongside dark; he's always got a lot to figure out. so i guess my advice is really don't ask me to ship unless you're fully prepared to understand what exactly that means with daisuke.

romance aside? i love daisuke having mentors. or rivals. or people he attaches to as a sibling or some kind, given he's a lonely single child already used to being immensely responsible. or i like seeing him being stuck in complicated situations and putting other people into complicated dilemmas because his alignments are all over the place. he works with criminal muses, law-enforcement related muses, magical-related muses, inter-dimensional related muses, art-related muses, older or younger, nobility, there's sm you can do with him, he can go just about anywhere. i enjoy this.

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

tsun

ᴀɢᴇ?

💀 im getting older....

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

mar 20th

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

black, red, hey wait a minute-

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

i'll talk about for dark and daisuke specifically - dark is always those moody, weepy sounding vkei or jrock (duh) songs while daisuke gets all the cutesy, lovey-dovey, high-energy jpop music. throw in the occasional mix of the two (like metal covers of high energy pop songs) and i've got all the vibes i need. go into my audio tag and maybe then you will Understand

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

half of sonic 2 (i didn't get to finish it because it was on a plane flight ---)

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

i haven't watched any shows in FOREVER 😭

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

halyosy's snowman (the rerec ver) (thank you project sekai)

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

p...pizza....

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

fall right when it's riiiiiight before winter.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

mutuals that have stuck with me for yrs are all my best friends. mutuals that are nice to me now are also my best friends

tagged by @primordyalsoul ty sumin!!!!!!

#TAGMEME.#steal if u feel like rambling. im cooling my brain off from ln 3 work alwijaldkjlkj

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nyxthejinx · 2 years

Note

hey! i heard your requests were open and this is honestly something ive been wanting to request from someone for a long time but i was never sure if they did sibling dynamics,, until i saw your post haha

could i request some sibling headcanons with childe? preferably one close in age to him (maybe like one year younger)

dont be pressured to do this btw! feel free to delete my ask 💗 hope you have a good day <3

𝐒𝐧𝐞𝐳𝐡𝐧𝐚𝐲𝐚'𝐬 𝐑𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐬

A/N: thank you for asking anon! I'm glad you found what you were looking for, hope you like it. I'm just sorry it took me so long, busy times :')

𝐓𝐖: Spoilers for Childe's past, super tiny bit of angst, one swear word ig, just you and Childe sibling-fighting.

𝐅𝐭.: Childe - GN!Reader (platonic)

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 814

𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨: Treehouse - Alex G, Emily Yacina

𝐈𝐟 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐤 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 �� 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐬. Side by side through thick and thin, you and Ajax bring both havoc and cute displays of familial love capable of warming up the biting cold of snezhnaya.

Alright

You're either two menaces or polar opposites, no in between.

But in the end you share both happy bonding moments and "come here and let me strangle you" situations, yanno, ordinary administration.

Plus your relationship had its ups and downs with Ajax falling into the abyss. But family stays family right?

More under the cut!

As kids you used to venture together in the woods, little sledge in one hand and wooden swords in the other.

In case you don’t share Ajax’s adventurer spirit well, I’m sorry for u he’s dragging you out anyways <3

He’d pretend to be one of the characters from your father’s stories and play the hero, but he won't let you be the mc most of the time. Smack his face with a snowball >:(

Snowball fight -> tickle fight -> one of you gets “seriously” hurt and starts crying.

Cue for the other to shush them in fear of your parents' wrath, even tho they're not around.

But despite these little quarrels you tend to be mutually kind in your everyday life.

Someone broke something? Whoever is innocent tries to take the blame. The other intervenes and in the end you both get away with it.

You’re too cute and wholesome, your parents can’t punish you.

It started as an act of bravery and affection, and now it’s a strategy you always use >:)

Those times when Ajax wakes up because of a nightmare you scoop over and let him hide in your bed.

You'd even come up with bedtime stories of your own, where he's the strongest ever and nothing can hurt him. And of course he does the same for you.

You’re lovely really, But then you'd fight over the silliest shit </3

There was a time when he kept giving you the silent treatment, and you wouldn’t understand why??

After at least ten years of cohabitation you learned the telltale signs of his anger, but why was he mad? You just spent the weekend with your dad while he was stuck in his bed with a cold- oh.

Most of the times you apologise and clarify, you don't like it when silly conflicts put distance in your relationship.

Some other times you get mad in return.

That same day you stomp on the ice during their fishing session and all the fishes they've been waiting for hours swim away.

Ends up in a fight, and another headache for your dad who has to break it up before one of you falls in the water.

Your relationship is just beautiful, but Things change after he disappears into the abyss.

You were having one of your usual adventures and Ajax just disappeared.

Three days later he's back, but it's not the faded scratches on his skin or the rusty sword that worry you. It's his dead eyes.

You try to bring up the subject, tell him that you're here in case he wants to talk about it. But he just shows an empty smile and says that he's fine.

And the more you observe him, the more you don't recognise him.

It will take a long time before things start to resemble the past, between him joining the fatui and you chasing after your own ambitions and dreams.

Once Ajax finally finds courage to tell you what happened in the abyss, you kinda get into this habit of talking at least once a week.

You huddle for warmth in a blanket fort, fire crackling in front of you. Depending on the mood you'd confide your problems or talk about silly stuff. Even share silence sometimes.

He'll also make hot chocolate if you want <3

Ajax's the cook between you two, and for once he's grateful for his mother's unorthodox teachings. He bakes the best snacks ever.

But fatui business forces him to leave at a certain point, so all you can do is exchange pictures, letters and trinkets via mail.

Though you love each other it's inevitable for you to grow distant.

BUT

When family reunites from time to time the younger ones want to play board games, or just play in general.

That's when everything goes back to your childhood days, as you two team up and help Teucer, Anthon and Tonia win the game.

Your older siblings can do nothing and honestly they don't even bother to try <3 you're still a menace to society, more dangerous than ever.

A monopoly round once ended up with real money debt.

Your actual meetings are sporadic, but Ajax assures you that he's never forgotten the pinky promise he made you.

You'll see Teyvat together one day, and even conquer it if you'd like ;)

DON'T copy/repost my work. REBLOG instead! ©nyxthejinx

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #childe #childe x reader #genshin childe #tartaglia #tartaglia x reader #genshin tartaglia #genshin impact #genshin headcanons #gn reader #genshin fluff #| Genshin Impact 🌓 |#| Nyx Writes 🌑 |

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e77y · 2 months

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relating to that vent, i getchu so bad. i feel like in general, the internet might worsen compulsions & obsession within ocd + etc. i have a similar feeling (wouldnt say identical cause i know u from tumblr n yaknow yaknow) that tells me everything i do needs to be 100% morally correct or [insert awful things] will happen to me or someone i love. and this is easier to deal with when you're offline, because there's a limit on the people that can get mad at you. half of the world won't get mad at you because only 0.00001% (or whatever) of the world knows you, yaknow. on the net, it feels like everyone who has an account knows you. your brain telly you anyone who has an account on here might see what you posted & they might be mad at you & they might make a callout post or whatever. even though they don't know you. which is a terrifying thought for many. i dont think youre alone in this, genuinely. and i feel it can be improved. some stuff that's helped me: - making separate accounts w private stuff (doesnt rly work on tumblr but like a private account on insta & etc etc) - rationalising thoughts (an example of this would be thinking: is it really likely many people will agree with someone being mad at me? or: how many people actually do see my posts? is that proportional to the amount of followers i have) - and talking ab it w friends. genuinely, the communication + processing of these thoughts & feelings is soo helpful. sending u soo much love <3 if u wanna chat a bit ab it you can dm me :) (ask can be published or responded 2 privately, whatever u prefer!)

Thank you so much for this message omg :’) ❤️❤️❤️❤️ So thoughtful. This made me tear up a little haha. I’m posting it here so I can look back at it later; hopefully that’s okay.

I’m really glad to hear other people feel the same way/have the same worry… like logically I know that it’s something a lot of people worry about, but idk; my brain has a way of convincing me I am the only person in the world who has done anything ‘bad’ ever LMAOO. So this was really nice to hear

Also I’m a very talkative person! Like I’m definitely an introvert, but I do like to talk about myself and my interests and my feelings etc. Especially when I have a forum (cough Tumblr) to post into the void 😭😭 So I guess that’s part of my issue; IRL, there are less people to be upset if I do/say something ‘bad’, and most of them are my close friends and know I don’t have bad intentions. But online, I walk on eggshells bc 1) strangers online DON’T know my intentions and 2) I just think my mutuals are really cool lol. So I don’t want to do/say anything ‘bad’ or even embarrassing in their presence yk? And online, their ‘presence’ comprises literally all the time w everything I post

I should probably make a more private account 😅 This one is kind of that (just bc it has far fewer followers than my other blog), and I have one on Instagram with like two people following it that I haven’t touched in a while, sooo maybe I will go back to that for more personal vents and whatnot 🫡 I try not to post anything TOO personal on Tumblr, anyway. I just also really like creating fan content, which sort of inherently puts me in a public space even if I don’t WANT to have an ‘audience’ (regardless of how small that audience is; ik there are people who look up to my writing, and that puts a lot of extra pressure on me, but I don’t want to stop writing, either…. Agh)

Idk this is probably overly personal and also very disjointed bc I just finished writing a 1,800 word essay and my brain is mush lol. I’m just sort of reiterating everything you said. Sorry for making you read all this lmao 😭🙏 But thank you for the kind words, seriously ❤️ I really really appreciate it :’D !!!!!!!

#thank you <3 #like this is so sweet omg. thank you :’)#also I am soooo bad at dming people oops. but you are welcome to dm me too if you ever want ^_^#ask

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vampalpatine-archive · 1 year

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Your post about Shiv made me think for a long while bc it's true that Shiv's trauma and specifically her trauma around sex is largely misinterpreted/outright ignored by the fandom but now I'm confused bc 1. when did Tom pressure Shiv to have sex??? I mostly remember her pushing Tom to do stuff he didn't want, even while he was clearly uncomfortable, but every time he tries to initiate something and she doesn't want it he backs off right away and doesn't push. The period tracking WAS creepy and I will definitely not be defending that, but Shiv would actually make annoyed faces if Tom didn't want to do what she had planned, and insist or ask "no?" in a mocking tone when he wasn't particularly enthusiastic about it. If he ever did that to her everyone would be calling it "rapey" but bc Shiv does it it's... Girlboss I guess. Idk.

And 2. I also think there needs to be a conversation about this definitely bc yeah the ear flick was weird and the way Shiv's face FALLS and she even steps back a little??? Holy shit. Literally what I did, gasped in shock and recoiled. HOWEVER. Putting my "this is a tv show and not reality" goggles on, to me context is important I mean she's kicking dirt over his shoes to humilliate him in public (nothing new there) and getting all up in his space and the flick read like Tom just needing to do something to get her to back the fuck up and leave him alone. I've seen people dismissing Shiv's abuse of Tom completely, through the years but especially this season. And I get it, Shiv is in a vulnerable state both bc of her father passing and bc she's pregnant and conflicted about it, but none of it justifies the way she has treated Tom and keeps treating him. He did not hit her, or push her, or even start commenting on her body the way she does to him constantly. He flicked her on the damn ear lol and I GET IT, I was lowkey horrified by it at first but looking at it from Tom's pov, I have been in a situation where someone kept coming at me and getting in my face so I get that reaction. Anyway. Yeah it was a weird scene Idk where the writers are going with this!!! If they make either of them start hitting the other I'm gonna be furious tho like that'd be the last straw of bad tomshiv plot points. Like if this is them trying to Logan-ify Tom more I'm gonna be so fucking pissed lol

god there's so much of this i disagree with, and it's so long... honestly i wasn't gonna answer i was gonna say something like "i ain't reading all that" with a shiv fancam or some shit. plus you just said you randomly saw my post so you don't follow me you'll probably not read this

but the notes on that post have been bothering me all day to the point where i'm seriously thinking of shutting the fuck up about succession, and i don't want to cause it's my fav show so i'm gonna answer at least to a few things

first of all, to your question "when did tom pressure shiv to have sex?" i simply recommend rewatching retired janitors of idaho as it has one of what i consider the most disgusting scenes of the show and if you don't agree with me in that that's him pressuring her then i simply don't think we'll be able to reach any mutual understanding here, which is okay i guess.

secondly, i don't think there's any scenes in the show where shiv pressures tom to have sex or do stuff he's not comfortable with in any way that i would deem "rapey" if shiv were a man. maybe you're referring to stuff like opening the relationship? or the threesome from 2x10? both of which i would call asshole moves AT WORST.

about the "this is a tv show not reality" thing i can only say that it was a post for my mutuals that i honestly didn't expect to win traction, in fact, it was a response to another post from a mutual i had just reblogged, so it wasn't even supposed to be read on its own. obviously you don't know me, but if you did you'd probably see why it's funny you'd say that. i don't think it's a bad thing that they included this scene of tom flicking shiv's ear, i don't think its wrong to keep having tom as your favorite character, or tomshiv as your favorite relationship. i think it's a very interesting scene that adds a lot of depth to his character and their relationship and i think liking complex characters who do bad shit is so incredibly fun.

also the way you said "hey he hit her but just a little bit not like he hit her for real" is exactly what i was criticising people saying in my original post so maybe next time when you read a post you don't agree with in such a fundamental level just move on it's not that deep. block me, even, if you see it more than once and it bothers you

to wrap this up i'll just say that i HOPE they keep loganifying tom, as the parallels with him and logan have been there since the beginning, it makes him 10 times more interesting and if you took that away he wouldn't be much of a character. i HOPE tomshiv never get a divorce, as i'm rooting for the cycle of abuse to never end and keep repeating itself, i consider succession a show that runs in circles (complimentary) and would be really disappointed if there was a sudden catharsis moment where anyone at all makes it out. if i had to bet, out of the two of us, i don't think i'm gonna be the one who ends up disappointed here

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narabea06 · 2 years

Text

Huntlow Oneshot bc I love them-

(A/N: Btw, the first part took place like a week or two before the Day of Unity- Also spoiler warning-)

---------

"Captain, I love you."

The rushed words were a lot for Willow to take in, especially when they came from a certain flustered blonde. Hunter exhaled a breathe he seemed to have been holding in after he sputtered the words, a small whistle sounding when he did due to his tooth gap.

Willow found herself staring at the floor as Hunter watched intently for a response, though slowly he realized he wasn't getting one. This...This was not the reaction he was hoping for... Had he messed everything up? Perhaps he never should've said anything in the first place-

Goddamnit Hunter, now she probably hates you- No! No, the Captain would never hate him...Then again, from the looks of it, it looks like he disappointed her, or just made a huge mistake.

Searching for any words to say, he quickly straightened up, looking away from Willow. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, especially given the situation we're in. I shouldn't have let my emotions get in the way of things, please forgive me-"

"What, no, Hunter, you're fine! I just...don't know how to respond to that," Willow said, sitting up and reaching to patting Hunter's shoulder briefly, before shrinking back. She pulled her arm back close to her chest as she started rubbing circles on her own arm in hope it would help her think clearer. After a confession like that, what was she supposed to say? 'Thank you'? 'No thank you'? 'Why?'-

Everything was so confusing.

Willow knew for awhile that Hunter at least cared or looked up to her, specifically because of the way he talked to her, him calling her 'Captain' and all. And she will admit, she cared an awful lot about him too. He took her seriously, he was always trying to be there for her and had her back, he was able to help Gus- He was a great guy.

But she had no idea that his idolization had shifted into something like this- Not that she was upset by it or anything, she just didn't see it coming. Should she have seen this coming? Did she feel the same? Ugh, this was all so confusing!

She had only had to deal with a crush once, and back then, it was way easier to handle since they just kids and it basically remained a childish puppy love type thing, but now? Now when she finally understood the full extent of what love like this was like? It was a lot more difficult.

"Look, Hunter, I've never dealt with this before... Hell, up until the past year, nobody would really talk to me, not to mention admit to-...Loving me- Nobody has really liked me like this before-"

"But why not?! You're amazing, who wouldn't like you?" Hunter said, turning around immediately looking over to her, trying to reassure her. Willow felt her cheeks go a little red at that.

Hunter has always done stuff like that, always defended her, and made sure she felt cared about, even when she was just bringing up stuff from the past, or when she wasn't even in major danger or even actually doubting herself, he always made sure she knew her worth. Usually, she thought that was just him being supportive, but now that she knew the thought that went behind it, it made it appear in a different light now..

"Well- I'm just not used to it- I guess the only time I've ever actually had or ever encountered this was-...Well, it was a very long time ago, back when I was really young and it sorta stayed as just a mutual crush, and that person ended up leaving a little bit afterwards anyway-" Willow started.

"But I won't do that, I won't leave you like that, I swear, I-" Hunter stopped himself again. "...I'm sorry, I'll stop, I shouldn't pressure you into saying or doing anything you don't want to do if you don't reciprocate the feelings."

Willow sighed, shaking her head. "No, Hunter, I just- This isn't me rejecting you...But it also isn't me saying I love you back, or me saying I want to try going out or anything, I just need some time to think." She turned to him then, shifting to actually face him on the bench they were sitting on. "I swear, I will give you an answer at one point, so please, be patient with me?"

Hunter paused, until he finally nodded, his blonde hair shifting in the wind, as Flapjack nudged his cheek from his shoulder, urging him to say something.

"I..understand, Captain."

Looking up at her, he tried to give her an awkward smile, only to find it difficult to meet her eyes, but when she gave him a bright understanding smile back, he felt his heart warm up. Maybe, he could just wait. As long as she knew his feelings, and as long as he's still able to stay by her side, whether it was as a friend or more, he would be content. She was enough, he was willing to wait for an answer.

---------

As the days past, Willow began to notice the things Hunter did more often. The way that he always made sure none of their enemies even got close enough to get to her, or the the times when she got close to him or hugged him that his face would flush, or when he immediately would move to shield her when things went wrong-

She also noticed what she did more. The way she immediately wanted to get Hunter back after she thought he was captured, or when she always ended up being the one to save him when he was in trouble. Or when she always went to Hunter first to make sure he was okay after battles.

And with each of these passing moments, she started to realize how she had began to treasure their relationship.

While Hunter's confession hadn't made her suddenly have feelings for him, it helped her open her eyes more to both his emotions, and her own. If he didn't say anything, she probably would have continued to ignore her feelings, given their situation, but now that he did, it was becoming harder and harder to ignore...

---------

"Hunter?"

The blonde jumped at the sudden voice, spinning around to face it, immediately going into a defensive stance, only to find himself face-to-face with Willow. Slowly he relaxed, standing up, calming down. "Oh- Hey Captain-"

Rubbing her eyes under her rimmed glasses, the teen reached over to the switch on the wall next to her, flooding the kitchen with the fluorescent light. Hunter flinched as the light blinded him for a second, causing him to squint to try and see the girl in front of him. Unlucky for him, the light made his bags under his eyes a lot more visible, which didn't help Willow's worry.

"What are you doing up still? It's like-" Willow glanced over to the digital clock on the counter, freezing as she tried to read it. "...2:00? That's late right?"

It had only been a week after the Day of Unity, and being in the human realm was still hard on everyone, especially on Luz who had been trying everything to getting them back so they could make sure Eda, King, and their families were still okay, and on Hunter, who had been mostly trying to keep himself sane during their time there, given the new location. They were all thankful for Camila in letting them stay though.

Though along with everyone's fear and worry about the Boiling Isles and their families, they were all still having a hard time figuring out human stuff, one of them being figuring out the time system humans created. While Gus seemed to have it memorized, it was still difficult on everyone else.

"Well, I would ask you same! What are you doing up?" Hunter countered, smoothing his yellow hoodie out. Vee and Luz had let them all borrow some clothes when they had gotten back thankfully, though it has lead to Hunter clinging to that certain hoodie for dear life. Luz referred to it as a "comfort hoodie" type scenario. Willow knew though that Hunter was just clinging onto the only things he had right now that he had control over.

"Checking on you." Willow playfully grinned, running her figures through her damp hair. In reality, she was just in the shower, and was about to head to bed assuming that Hunter was asleep since she had calmed him down enough beforehand so he could lay down, until she heard shuffling in the kitchen. Low and behold, Hunter was not able to get any sleep.

Hunter sighed, "I'm fine, just go get some rest, I'll be there later." He turned his back to Willow, reaching into a cabinet and pulling out a frying pan.

Ever since they joined the human realm, all of them tried their best to figure out what they actually liked food-wise. Camila soon learned that most of them had different foods that slowly shifted into their new safe foods, and tried her best not to limit them too much on them.

Hunter's was pancakes, mostly because Luz pointing out that flapjacks used to be what pancakes were called.

They were also the only things Hunter knew how to make on his own.

Willow sighed, before sitting at the table, watching Hunter prep the stuff for his late night snack.

The blonde paused his actions, realizing she had just moved further into the room, narrowing his eyes at her. "...Captain-"

"I'm not going to bed until you do," they responded back stubbornly, crossing their arms and raising a brow.

Hunter huffed, but turning around to continue grabbing something from the fridge. "...How many pancakes do you want?"

Willow perked up. "Wait, no, Hunter, that's okay, you don't need to do that, I'm just doing this because I wanted to. You don't need to give me something in return-"

"And I'm doing this because I want to. So how many pancakes? Or do you just not want any?" Hunter asked again.

"...Can I have two?"

" Of course Captain."

---------

"Hunter, can I ask you a question?" the girl asked, stuffing a forkful of food into her mouth.

A muffled noise of confirmation came from Hunter as he ate as well from where she sat next to her.

They had originally been sitting at the table, until they opted to sitting in the floor of the kitchen, balancing their plates on their laps. They didn't know what it was, but for some reason, the tiled kitchen floor always just seemed much more comforting, or as Luz says, it's way more 'grounding'.

...Nobody except Amity liked that pun when she first said it.

"Why do you still call me Captain? We're not in the Demon Realm, so Im technically not the captain of the Grudgby Team anymore, and even then, you kinda stopped being part of the team after-...You know-" Willow slowly asked, trying her best to be vague about the last part, which Hunter appreciated.

Despite how much time has passed, he still regretted his actions from before when he was still the Golden Guard, especially the time that he betrayed Willow. Even when Camila asked about it, he refused to talk about it. It was getting way too difficult to confront it again and again, especially since he had already had to relive the memory briefly when the illusion stuff with Gus happened.

"...I guess it's just a force of habit? And also a show of respect, y'know?...But do you want me to stop calling you that? I will if you do!-" Hunter started, sitting up way to look over to her.

"Well...Just know that you can call me Willow if you want! Like I'm okay with you calling me Captain as well, but just now, I'm not above you Hunter."

He paused at that.

"We're equals. Nothing will change that. I'm not better than you or in charge of you, unless we're on that field and even then, we still have that mutual respect and trust with each other. Just like how you aren't better than or in charge of me." Willow looked up then, realizing the silence from Hunter, only to see him staring back at her.

"Hunter?"

They blinked, looking back at their food. It felt odd thinking of such things, thinking that even one of the only people he looks up to thinks of him as his equal. As his friend.

...Friend.

Friend.

"Hunter? Did I say something wrong?" Willow asked, seeming to panic a bit, trying to replay the words she said to make sure she didn't say anything to upset him.

"What? Oh, no, Capt- Willow, it's nothing for you to worry about-"

Hunter tried to reassure her with a strained smile, but quickly realized she didn't buy it. Instead though, he turned away again, shoving more pancakes in his mouth.

Willow sighed, scraping some whipped cream from her plate with her fork.

There had still been something on her mind even since they got here. It felt a little stupid, considering how much stuff was still going on, but ever since they started staying in the human realm, it felt a lot more...safe. It felt so much calmer here, like they were finally able to catch a break. Sure, things still weren't good for them since King and Eda were still stuck alone who knows where in the demon realm, but it felt nicer to finally relax for a second in a world where she could feel safe enough not to get worried about getting caught or killed in any second.

This world was confusing, but hey, at least it wasn't nearly as dangerous as the demon realm.

But with all this time calming down, Willow was finally able to think through things again. Things like the confession Hunter gave her almost a month ago...

She sighed. It was best to say it now rather than never...

"Hunter?"

"One sec-" They started to stand up, reaching to grab Willow's empty plate from her to stack on top of his so he could go wash them off, only for Willow to grab the sleeve of his hoodie instead. Hunter froze immediately at the gesture, looking from her hand to her once before he blushed a little. "Yes? What's wrong?"

Willow smiled at him with her kind eyes, and Hunter put his place on the counter above them before sitting back down next to her with his knees to his chest. She finally let go of his arm then, placed the plate on the ground next to her, and took a deep breath.

"I took I have my answer now."

---------

Amity yawned as she walked through the house with Luz clung to her arm. The two were chatting quietly, though Luz ran most of the conversation due to her seemingly having neverending energy at this point despite her both staying up late and waking up early to brainstorm ideas to figure out a way back. (Though Amity was 99% sure she's just been drinking caffeine to stay up.)

It was about 8 AM when she felt Luz start to get up, and decided that this time, she'd get up as well to make sure Luz didn't overwork herself and to see if she was right about the caffeine (She found out later that she was-)

She tried her best to pay attention to everything her girlfriend was saying, but found herself distracted when they entered the kitchen. Luz didn't seem to see it at first though until Amity elbowed her gently.

Luz stopped talking for a second giving her pink haired partner a confused look. "Hermosa, what's wrong-"

She stopped abruptly when she saw what the girl was looking at though, and felt a grin plaster across her face.

On the floor of the kitchen, Willow and Hunter were sitting with their knees to their chests, curled up next to each other. They were both leaning on each other, fast asleep. But the main thing that caught their attention was the that their hands were interlocked.

Luz covered their mouth and whispered to Amity, "Maybe we should let them sleep."

Amity nodded, and the two walked out, leaving their two sleeping friends.

#the owl house #hunter owl house #willow owl house #amity blight #luz x amity #luz noceda #willow park #huntlow/winter #hunter x willow #eda clawthorne #king clawthorne

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daenerys-targaryen · 1 year

Note

hey leah! how are you? hope you’re doing okay! <3

you’ve been on tumblr for a long while, haven’t you? i recently had to delete my blog bc some people i know irl found it and i just can’t deal with that lmao

at the same time i used to be a creator here YEARS ago before college/law school happened but now i finally graduated and i want to get back into it

anyway my question is and i’d love if you could expand on it - or not - you’re not obligated to answer this at all!!

what’s the best way for me to start from scratch and build a platform for my creations? i’ve been observing and i noticed tagging users is not much more affective than tagging the content itself? if so how does that work; can i tag anyone who lists the media i’m working on as an interest or do we have to be mutuals or literally what i’m losing my mind over this lmao i feel like such a millennial i used to rock this website

participate in events?? look for discord servers?? (where would i even find them 😩😩)? like anything guidance you could spare, no matter how obvious or simple i’d really appreciate <33

but again you seriously don’t have to!!! i wouldn’t want to pressure you or take up your time! just let me know 😊

have a great night!

Hi there anon! I'm doing well, thanks for asking!

I have been on here for quite some time, yes. Oh my gosh asdfjkl that's so scary! I hope you're doing okay after that ordeal.

I would say the best way to help circulate your creations and broaden your audience would be to 1) make lots of content, 2) join source blogs and 3) tag people in your creations.

Make lots of content: Even if you're new to gifing or editing, people will notice if you're making a lot of good content. I'm not sure what it is, but when I see a new blog or a person who I just wasn't aware of making tons of content, I want to follow them even if everything they post doesn't appeal to me because I want new content. The more you make content, the more if will be spread around and the more exposure you'll get.

Joining source blogs: There are tons and tons of source blogs that are looking for new members. Depending on what you're wanting to gif, (lord of the rings, stranger things, pedro pascal, skyrim, etc) you'd go to the explore page and look up 'pedro pascal' and you'd see posts made by pedrohub, for example. If you're not interested in gifing just one particular thing (movies, tv shows, video games, youtubers, podcasts etc) then you can also find and join blogs dedicated to everything. And I mean everything. For example, @stream, @chewbacca, @dailyflicks, @cinematv are all source blogs dedicated to just about everything. Find some source blogs you'd like to be part of, make sure to read the blog rules and boom! Your content is being shared to a whole new audience.

Tagging people in your creations: Similar to joining source blogs, best way to get your content reblogged by source blogs if you're not in them is to tag them. For example, @stream tracks '#userstream', @chewbacca tracks '#chewieblog', @dailyflicks tracks '#dailyflicks' and @cinematv tracks '#cinematv'. You can also find people also make content for the same thing and tag them too!

For sure participate in events! Join those discord servers! Most well ran source blogs (no shade to those who don't do this but it just makes everything fun and easier) will already have a discord server set up dedicated to the blog itself. It will have a general, rules and creations tab where you can discuss the blog, share your creations and also chat if it's that vibe of the server. Some might even have a spoilers tab, some might have a pets tab where you can send pictures of your pets. It really just depends on the kind of people are in the server and again, what the vibe is like. Some source blog discord servers I'm in are QUIET and are only active when someone is sharing their creations (which is just fine!) and some others are active every minute of the day. Again it just depends on who is in the server.

Also, just befriending someone who also makes the same content as you or someone who you admire in the fandom or someone who you'd just like to be friends with helps too! If you're friends with people in your fandom then obviously they're going to reblog your content if they want to! I'm not saying to make friends simply so that you get more notes on your creations, I hope that's clear. But I am saying that it certainly doesn't hurt :)

Hope this gave you some insight and good luck!

#leah has mail #Anonymous #i really hope the read more works #if not i am so sorry #long post #<- in case it doesn't work

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madneywedding · 29 days

Note

Rae I’m always thinking about your pining Eddie fic actually I just didn’t knew if asking about it would make it like I’m pressuring you ? So I just ramble about it with another mutual that is also a fan just so you know there at least other two people thinking about it and your writing :*

anon i want u to know that i had to close my laptop and cry for a little while when i first saw this message.......honestly i often forget i exist in the minds of other people so this was kind of crazy to hear (in the best way — seriously, this meant the world to me 🥺).

but anyway. you aren't pressuring me at all, and honestly, i would love to talk about the fic!! i mentioned that don't think i'll finish it because the way i wrote buck and eddie in that fic doesn't really align with how i view them now that we're well into season 7, but if you want to talk to me about it or ask me any questions or if you want any more snippets, please don't hesitate to send me a message!! this fic is very dear to me and even though i'm not working on it anymore, i still have so much love for it, so......if you want to know more, i'm here :)

#sorry for answering this like 3 weeks late but like. thank you SO much #i hope you're still around bjfhs;jfhs i would love to hear from u again #answered #anon #nice messages

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naboman · 3 months

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𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

Chapter Three: Like Batman and Robin. Description: [Name] takes the first positive step in his project, and things finally seem to be progressing successfully. Warnings: slightly suggestive.

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"Think of us as an outsourced team with a mutual sense of dissatisfaction. Isn't it wonderful?"

"Let's start our little meeting," I declared, with a mischievous smile and a stretch of my arms.

He simply gave me a quizzical side glance, not offensive, but rather defensive, as if he were anticipating the strike of a venomous and vile snake. I clicked my tongue.

"Just kidding," I said, and he continued to gaze at me with a raised eyebrow. "What's up? Are you going to keep looking at me like that forever?"

"What's with this fake good humor?" he asked with suspicion in his voice, leaning his arms on the table. Mitsuya didn't beat around the bush, I noticed that in our short time together, and by 'time together,' I mean the last few days we spent together, which I already consider too much time.

"Are you doubting my goodwill?" I asked a bit more seriously and somewhat offended, feeling the corner of my smile tremble, indignant.

"The fact that you're never in a good mood makes me suspicious of your intentions, [Name]," he justified.

"I'll pretend I'm not offended by that."

"Did I offend you? Sorry, I was just being straightforward," he laughed.

"Your honesty is admirable, but I won't praise you for it."

The secluded table where we were allowed us to speak freely about our "partnership" - with several air quotes - and there was no risk of anyone else overhearing. After all, I didn't want to be known as someone who mingles with society's delinquents.

I soon spotted Kyouka arriving with glasses of water, wearing her usual tired expression. Kyouka attends the school next door, so we occasionally run into each other on the way home. The brunette placed the glasses on the table, giving a brief bow before leaving. Meanwhile, I quickly took out the papers from my bag.

"Weren't you the shop attendant?" Mitsuya asked when the brunette turned away, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Today is my day off," I replied with disdain. "I work every other day; tomorrow, for example, I have work. It was an agreement I made, so I have time to organize the student council documents."

"I see," was the only thing he responded, looking focused until I laid out the documents in front of him, waiting for his statement. "And what is this?"

"Technically, it's the 'proof' that I will submit to the president's desk on Monday," I air-quoted with my fingers. "Since we're going to work on a yearbook, well... Together, I'll be trailing you for almost a whole year, Mitsuya."

"So, are we a team then?" he dared to ask, with an almost playful tone. Almost.

"With several objections, but we can say, in the most filtered way, we are," I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. "Think of us as Batman and Robin, okay? It's easier to handle that way. Well, I'm Batman, and you can be Robin if you want."

"The way you talk makes it sound like Robin is completely irrelevant," he commented, displeased.

"It's because the Dark Knight works alone, but well, don't take it personally," I shrugged in a comedic manner, but soon changed the subject, returning to the initial atmosphere. "Anyway... Sign here."

He wandered his eyes over the paper. Does he think I'm deceiving him? Because technically, he's not entirely wrong.

I would be lying – or not – if I said I wasn't heartbroken by such atrocity. How can someone doubt such a good and helpful human being like me?

"Don't be shy, read it carefully," I said, and Mitsuya paid more attention to my words. "We have until Monday, so don't feel pressured."

'Although I am pressured you'. I wanted to say the last part, I admit I wanted to. But I chose to keep my mouth shut.

"Do you want a pen?" I asked, taking a pink pen out of my bag.

"No need, I'll read this later," he replied, putting away the paper.

"Too bad, she smells of berries."

"You don't look like the kind of person who uses colored pens," he said, pointing with his chin, "and with fruits smell."

"I collect colored pens. "

"You do?" I nodded positively.

"It's my hobby. "

He looked surprised, but shrugged. We soon put an end to that.

It wasn't a total lie, after all, my specialty was collecting things, ever since… Ever? And not things like bottle caps or toy cars. I take my belongings very seriously, and when they're no longer needed, I throw them away like trash.

"We're closing up" Kyouka appeared from beside my chair, nudging my shoulder.

"But already? Well, all right," I put my things in my bag rather hurriedly, hardly noticing how quickly the time had passed, "Mitsuya, you…"

When I went to question him, he was no longer in the front seat, but at the front door. He was looking at me, signaling for us to leave. I expected him to go through first, but instead he waited for me to pass before slowly closing the door behind me, his cavalier behavior leaving me feeling rather disgusted.

Who does he think he is? I'm Batman! I give the orders!

I sighed, throwing a tantrum now wasn't going to help me, so I decided to just let it go and get out of here.

I put my coat on quickly, as the freezing air made my arms shiver with the sudden caress of the wind.

"Want a lift? " I was almost startled by the question, as it came like a punch of cold air, but I felt relief when I remembered the voice, proving that it was just my poltergeist. For the second time he was being very helpful, I could get used to good behavior, but being spoiled wouldn't make me like the person he was any better.

When I turned my head a little, I noticed that he was already getting on his bike to leave, the dazzling headlights blinding me for a mere moment.

"I'm going with Kyouka," I said.

Actually, it was just a lame excuse not to get on a motorcycle. I don't trust cars with less than four wheels.

"Oh, right," he nodded, understanding, "see you then, [Name]. "

"See you" I waved as soon as he started the motocycle and drove off.

As he drove off, I just enjoyed the light of the headlights disappearing into the darkness.

"I'm going with Kyouka…" the brunette from a little further away murmured, imitating my voice in a shrill, unmelodic tone, eyeing me suspiciously "you're just scared of riding a motorcycle."

"What? I'm not!" I denied, crossing my arms "You should know that my intention was just to keep you company, you ungrateful. "

"Fearful. "

Before we could continue our childish argument, she took off walking, while arranging her bag on her shoulder. I quickly followed the girl's quick steps - like a tantruming child who has lost in an adult argument.

I put the florescent green folder on top of the wood, securing my place at the table. It may sound childish and even a bit banal, but I hate having my seat with my back to the door, it's as if at any moment someone is going to catch me talking badly about the president. Not that there's a story behind it, but it's always good to be safe.

In the end, I got the end chair, near the window, not was a place to throw away. The room is on the second floor, in the middle of the corridor, with three windows covered by burgundy curtains - it looks like an old man decorated this room, I feel fifty years older in here - facing the courtyard. As loosely as possible, I leaned my right leg on the chair I was sitting on, swinging my left back and forth as I absent-mindedly checked the paper that Mitsuya had handed me back at the school entrance, he seemed to be in a hurry, so he just intercepted me before leaving with agile steps to make his own way.

I still find his formality a little cloying, but it's not something to complain about at this point.

I turned my attention back to the door when I heard the wood click shut.

Suzume held two stacked boxes in her arms, and despite their weight, she gave me a warm smile. Placing the boxes on the table, I felt my curious face involuntarily appear, and before I could stop myself, I asked:

"What is it?" I leaned over, stretching my arms across the table like a cat about to steal food.

"It's the math assessments," he replied, "the teachers said it would be better to keep them here."

"Wow…" I let out a murmur, Suzume noticed my greed "can I see mine?"

"Of course not!" she denied, "like everyone else, you have to wait. "

"Where are my privileges? I thought being part of the guild was good," I lamented sentimentally.

"And it is very good! " Only if it's for you, but that would have been too rude and she was too excited to cut her off "the pleasure of helping others and being able to help in any way we can, that's the duty of the guild! It's a very honorable task. "

"Nice speech. " I clapped my hands, without a hint of encouragement.

"Thank you! "

I blinked.

"You're welcome…" I replied. I thought she'd noticed the humor, or the lack of it.

When the door opened again, Suzume turned back, and I had to stretch to see who was behind her.

"The kid from the guild has arrived… " I muttered, with a smile abruptly stretching across my lips.

"You?"

"passed far."

"Really? I thought you were the only irresponsible one in the guild," Yuuma retorted acidly.

"So you don't know our second treasurer. "

"Talking about me?" the other boy entered the room, with a laziness that could be measured like the density of a star.

"Ah, Tezuka, good to see you," I said, waving my hand.

"I can say the same," was all he said, before moving to another corner of the table with a drag of his feet.

"The president is late…" Suzume said fearfully, joining the table.

"As usual…" I added with a forced cough.

"[Name]!" she scolded me.

"But it's true! " I retorted, laughing.

We stopped talking when the door was opened once again, this time, because of the silence, the slamming of the door gave the impression of having been much louder.

"Good morning!" the president walked past us, and quickly settled down at the table, as he always did, and right behind him was Mizushima "we will now begin our meeting."

We began by presenting our weekly reports and the buzz that had been going around the school over the last few days. Suzume took the trouble to warn the president about the math assessments, and also commented on something I never expected to hear while I was at this school; two students were caught in the basketball supplies room, doing things that were "disgraceful".

I had to hold back my laughter, but I could feel my lips trembling from the sheer desire to laugh as the other members listened wide-eyed in amazement.

"And what did the coach do?" the secretary next to me asked with curiosity and hesitation.

"He closed the door and waited for them to get dressed," Suzume recounted with redness taking shape on her face.

"God…" he muttered, disappointed. But when he looked at me in the corner, he noticed my difficulty in hiding what was gradually taking over my face "Are you laughing?"

"Who? Me?" I asked, pretending to be misunderstood, then recomposing my posture "Come on, we're talking about something serious here. Show more composure, please. "

"Don't play crazy."

"You're the only 'crazy' one here," I retorted, until I stood up, clearing my throat to change the direction of the conversation "Well, since we've finished our little lesson on sexual orientation, I think it's my turn to declare my report. "

"[Name], now it's not…"

"Go ahead," the president cut off my seatmate, crossing his fingers on the table and holding his face, "you can talk. "

I took a deep breath.

"A few days ago, I contacted our president to restore the project that, technically, I may have destroyed of my own free will," I began, feeling the gaze of the others on me, "and following the rules of our contract, I found a way to stand out in the project AND in the school newspaper."

Mizushima stared at me, dumbfounded.

"I'm going to use everything I've got to write about Tokyo's delinquents," I said, but no one seemed to be listening.

As usual, I took them by surprise.

"And… what exactly do you want to achieve with that? " Yuuma must have taken the words out of the president's mouth, because even he started to pay more attention.

"That's a good question," I commented ecstatically, "everyone here should know that delinquents are a group that is little "explored" during school time, and that begs the question: how do their disagreements occur outside the school perimeter? And how do their conflicts unfold? Why does this happen?" I simulated: "Well, don't worry, I'll answer all your questions. Because the school newspaper will work daily on clear and totally truthful descriptions of what goes on in the polluted and negligent reality of delinquents. "

"For what purpose, may I ask, Ms. [Name]?" Suzume stretched out her hand to ask quietly and hesitantly.

"We will do this in order to work towards improving the school environment and making education more attractive to this desperate young community," I raised my hand in a confident fist.

Nothing could shake my confidence now, not even the president.

"And how do you plan to do that? " Suzume asked again, worried.

"I have my contacts," I replied, smiling pretentiously, "it's a great chance to pay more attention to society's rebels and get the answers that lead us to ask the reasons for their revolt. "

I was talking a lot more than usual, but if everything goes according to plan, it'll be under control.

"I see… Right. " the president agreed.

"How?"

"Everything's fine," he repeated, a smile filling his warm lips, "I agree with your perspective, [Name]. "

I was unsettled, but all I did was nod as impassively as possible and collapse into the chair behind me.

In the end, the meeting went on unbearably until the end - except for me - and then we were allowed to leave the room.

"I'm glad you took charge and controlled the situation," Yamazaki stopped me at the door, "I told you I'd manage, after all, I chose you. "

"É… Thank you, I appreciate the opportunity," I said before leaving, seeing him give me a subtle smile before letting me go.

I walked quickly, distancing myself and arriving at the stairs at the end of the corridor. Little did he know that this person full of potential almost had an epileptic fit while dictating.

With my hands in my jacket pockets, I passed through the empty corridor, clear of any living soul. I stared at the door of the arts and crafts club in complete silence. From a distance, I saw a door opening vaguely. I had no idea which club was resident in the room, but as soon as I recognized the distant figure, I knew it was the Home Economics club.

I approached, patting the boy twice on the shoulder, making him raise his eyes over his shoulder.

"I managed to convince the president," I said directly.

"That's great," he replied, obviously pleased.

We started walking down the corridor together.

"Mitsuya, what's it like being part of a gang?"}

I continued to stare down the corridor, avoiding direct eye contact - given that he was right next to me.

He seemed to think for a moment.

"It would be like… belonging to something," he mused, "why the question?

"Curiosity," I shrugged.

"Anything new?"

"Yes. Two people had sex at school yesterday."

"Unexpected. " His expression was one of surprise, not completely, but still the expression of a man caught off guard.

"The coach of the basketball team caught them in the act," I added humorously, "I could have written about it, but I didn't have time this week."

"You wanted to tell the whole school about other people's relationships?" he frowned, shocked.

"Yes, why not? " I retorted at the same moment, and that was certainly the most innocent question I've asked all year.

"Don't you think that's invading other people's privacy?"

"Isn't that what newspapers do?"

"Well… yes, but still…" he agreed begrudgingly. "Maybe you wouldn't want them to write about you having sex. "

"And they won't," I laughed with a certain determination, "because I'm always one step ahead. "

"Very optimistic of you," Mitsuya looked at me with a curious expression.

"But of course, it's necessary to maintain my good reputation," I added, "but if you're worried about my victims, don't be, I always leave those involved anonymous," I warned, not that this improved the situation, "but since we're here, I want to ask you a question. "

"Go ahead. "

I took a deep breath before turning to him with the friendliest expression I could manage.

"Would you be willing to teach me about the world of delinquency? "

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