#anyway im not upset about making her mad i really dont give a fuck

[thatonebylershipper]

my mom is such a silly goose fr

#shes not actually she needs to figure her fucking shit out #i was having executive dysfunction issues and couldnt do ONE thing that she asked me to do since my brother didnt do it before he #left the house like he was supposed to #and so then i was supposed to do it apparently and since i couldnt she started yelling at me and my sister and crying #and playing the victim as always #saying that apparently i never help out around the house even tho i literally do stuff all the fucking time that no one asks me to do????? #anyway like dude i get that you have childhood trauma but you are a grown ass adult and it is your responsibility to work through that and #become a better person for your family #anyway im not upset about making her mad i really dont give a fuck #i mean i know my dad is gonna have something to say to me and my siblings when he gets home later but its the same words every time #so ill be fine #but i am pretty angry that she made my sister cry #she (my mom) locked herself in her room to throw a tantrum like a fucking ten year old 💀 #personal

[pumpkinsy0]

Can u do hcs of Steve and soda being purlys #1 opp (whether u ship stevepop or not )

of course!!!<33

•steve couldnt give less of a fuck WHAT curly and pony r doin he truly does not care, its soda whos dragging him along

•well thats what he WANTS u to think, he does care actually, not as much as soda but enough to be like “wtf is pony doing w curly”

•most of the time when one of em is flirting w the other, soda usually kinda looks over his shoulder and steve KNOWS hes looking at curly bc sodas eyes twitch a lil when hes mad

•when curly does something to rile soda up, steve isnt even upset hes just absolutely ASTONISHED at the it, like either curly has the balls or hes just really stupid and steve thinks its a mix of both (it is)

•sometimes steve and soda would be on a date but they see pony and curly off in the distance and they DONT want to just abandon their date so they r like, trying to focus on their date but they cant help but look over to see what pony and curly are doing

its just like “yea so then me and her-👀,,,yea,, so anyways we hung out”

•when theyre all at a party, steve and soda like to stay close to pony to make sure ponys ok and when curky comes over w like a drink or food or to just whisk pony away, they do NOT budge and pony just has to sneak off to curly while soda and steve r playing card games

•once, soda was looking into his and ponys shared dresser and noticed a shirt that was in there was a shirt curly was wearing literally a few days ago

•he aint even get mad or nothin, he took that shirt and steve and him used it as a sweat and oil rag for that day at the dx (which happened to be the busiest weekday)

•pony noticed but he couldnt say anything bc he wasnt rlly open about his relationship w curly so he would just glance at it frequently, and soda KNEW he was looking at it, he did feel a tad bit bad after that one

•steve was a lil dick and was askin if he was alright bc he was staring at something, what an ass

•when pony comes hime from hanging out w curly, soda cannot STAND the smell of curly at all, not bc he stinks rlly but bc it smells of curly undeniably, and hes just asking pony to take a shower 😭

•steve thinks soda being passionate about anything makes him pretty, so yes, he also finds soda ranting about how much he doesnt like pony near curly being attractive, he just choses to ignore the topic

•sometimes when curly wants to buy pony something (BUY not STEAL hes not completely broke all the time) soda and steve but in like “noooo ILL buy it for him” and curlys going “nono trust me mf I got this” and ponys zoning out just thinking “im getting double the snacks”

•when soda and steve accompany them at the drive in, they sit behind them so when curly tries that ‘yawning to put my hand around u, shit they just slap his arm midair and u just hear a loud ass SMACK and curly trying not to yelp😭

•its fine tho cause curly just puts his hand on ponys thigh and theres essentially nothing soda and steve can do but sit there seething

•steve and soda work at the dx im sure that when they see curlys rust bucket of a car, theyre going “r u SURE u wanna drive in that pony” absolutely dragging that car to hell and back just dissecting all the problems it has while curlys RIGHT there and they steve ends it off w “but hey man fuck it its ur life ig”

#curly shepard #ponyboy curtis #purly #sodapop curtis #steve randle #stevepop

[wrathofrats]

well... how abouuuttt "why dont you ever listen to me?" with a ghoul of your choice, maybe the other ghoul is mad at dew, or maybe dew is upset, maybe because hes been trying to communicate that hes struggling ajd the others havent picked up on it, and he just wants it to stop. idk im not that good at coming up with prompts on the spot but i hope this is a good enough idea!! 🤷

Hi it’s been ….. we aren’t going to talk about how long it’s been.

But I hope you enjoy, yall seem to love when I give Dew problems (don’t worry I love it too)

Slapping aether in here because it hurts

Anyways, cirrus makes a joke, dew needs a hug and aether is a very supportive boyfriend

-

Dew doesn’t know when it began to bother him.

He sat on the couch nonchalantly watching some horror movie cirrus had thrown on. The exorcist? He doesn’t know, he doesn’t think he really cares.

“Careful cir, you’ll give him nightmares” aether teased

“He is the nightmare” cirrus rolled her eyes in a response, a playful smile at her lips. It was a joke.

His chest feels hollow as aether ruffles his hair. Something about it didn’t feel right. A normal quip that would have him saying something stupid in response, or simply giving her the finger, suddenly didn’t have the same feeling to it.

He swallowed heavy, the salvia only added to the pit in his stomach.

It’s a gross feeling, something between knowing he’s overreacting and wanting to cry at the thought that they actually think he’s a nuisance. Both are untrue, the logical part in his brain tries to convince him but it doesn’t stop the tears that sting in the back of his eyes, the flush in his face or the way his head feels like it’s full of starch.

It was a joke.

He’s overreacting, he’s certain of it but he can’t stop himself from getting up and walking away without his usual banter.

“Dew? What’s up?” Aether calls after him, following him into the bathroom.

Dew shakes his head to save his dignity. His voice will shake and crack, he knows if he even tries to say he’s ok a sob will rack his body and he won’t be able to contain himself anymore.

He’s embarrassed because he’s overreacting and he’s clutching the sink as aether puts a supportive hand on his back but it feels patronizing because he knows he’s overreacting and he’s-

“Did we say something?”

Dew sobs. Quick, choked off like it wasn’t supposed to come out because it wasn’t. Because he’s overreacting and he shouldn’t be acting like this. Because it was a joke and he’s making a scene because he can’t help but overthink everything.

“Dew, it was a joke” aether embraces him, lightly to not overwhelm him, but he can’t leave him like this. Dew barely lets go of his vice grip on the counter top to let aether pull him into himself. “She didn’t mean it, we thought you liked jokes like that”

He doesn’t. He’s said that.

Dew shakes his head and pushes away from aether enough to speak.

The crack in his voice makes him wince as he chokes and gasps the sobs back to try and get out what he’s saying without being a complete mess, but it’s pathetic anyways, he feels like a child. The way aether stares in concern makes him feel like a petulant toddler throwing a fit.

“I can’t stand them anymore. I’ve said this”

“Have you?” Aether asks, genuinely. The fact that he’s being genuine almost makes it hurt more. He wishes aether would just let him be dramatic and leave him alone.

“Why don’t you ever listen to me?” Dew all but wails. He’s louder than he means to be, another sob ringing out in the middle of his sentence. Aether looks confused and concerned, like dew has actually lost it this time, over a joke no less.

“I am, I am listening to you droplet, tell me what’s wrong”

It feels patronizing, dew knows aethers not trying to be but the frustration builds anyways.

“I’m tired aeth, I’m tired of you all acting like you hate me. No one ever acts like they genuinely like or want to be around me and it’s fucking heart wrenching” dew cries

“Water bug you know i-“ aether shakes his head, remorseful.

“No, aether you don’t understand. You all keep saying you hate me. It stings. I don’t know what to do I don’t understand why I’m the only one not worthy of kindness” dew clings to aethers shirt like if he lets go aether will disappear and stop listening to him.

“Dewdrop I’m sorry I didn’t know-“

“Stop please just - I don’t get it” dew sobs. He leans his head into aethers shirt, fist fulls of fabric brought up to his face as aether embraces him tightly.

Dew just weeps, a dam of emotions he can’t bare to vocalize comes out in tearful pleas instead.

“I don’t get it. I’m sorry. Please listen I’m sorry. I don’t understand” the demands come out in choked off cries, forceful sounds racking his small frame as aether hugs him tightly to try and get him to stop shaking.

Aether lowers them to the floor, holds dew in his lap and tries to soothe him.

“You’re not being dramatic, I’m sorry. We love you so much and I’m sorry we don’t say that” aether whispers into his hair.

Dew starts to quiet down as aether traces shapes into his back, the distraction well needed. He clings and listens and tries to focus on whatever aether is dragging into his skin with the tip of his fingers.

“So sorry waterbug, you’re ok, I love you so much. You’ve done nothing wrong”

Dew realizes what the shapes are.

He’s tracing hearts into his back.

#time to give dew pain again #I’m sorry man idk. love that thing but consider: I give him all my problems #also the important note of no one’s in the wrong here #sometimes communication is hard and so are emotions #aether would die for him ok? so would cirrus #the band ghost #ghost #fanfic #nameless ghouls #ghost bc #wrath writes #dewdrop ghoul #aether ghoul #angst

[cinnamilkekouhai]

Bonten's Reaction Of Reader Giving Attention to her fav pet bird, Wiwi,

Author Extra：Wiwi really does exist, aka my guest cockatiel of honor♡ Shes my bff's bird and so far my fav baby.

Mikey：I know i shouldnt be mad at some stupid pest...but now her attention is all over that damn bird, whats so great about it? Chirps everyday makes me pissed, its that fucking chirping steals my precious cuddles and kisses time with my princess..i wanna kill it..i wanna burned it..whatever that gets in my way with my princess needs to be remove. But she will be mad about it that i killed her little baby, i dont want her to be mad..especially at me..i will keep it quiet, out of the room and in the garden, whatever it takes i will get my princess's attention back on me...

Sanzu：Really? Our years of bonding really couldnt compared to a little creature? Princess really adores it huh...maybe i should get rid of it. But on the other thought, she might be upset about it and thats the last thing i wanna do, i never wanted to get myself on her bad side, i want her to see all goods in me. I rather die than to have a her despise me, i will prob ask one of our underlings to take care of it, then maybe splatter some blood or get a few scars, princess is too kind to ignore any injuries, so her attention will be mine.

Kakucho：That thing got a little tricky, i will just guilt-trip my princess into thinking i will take care of it, that her attention should go on me. She should know me well, that im more responsible and more reliable when it comes to care-taking..and whose idea was it to let her keep it.

Mikey：well princess came to me and beg me to keep it...i cant reject her..

Kakucho：I mean..who would reject her

Ran：Prob make excuses to distract princess away from the bird, and ask rindou to steal the bird. Anyways if she finds out, it will be rindou's bad luck, since it isnt me that shes mad about so i couldnt care less.

Rindou：U LITTLE SH-

Rindou：I would prob do the same as ran BUT WE R FREAKING SWITCHING THE ROLES

Kokonoi：I would take princess on a fancy date, buy her anything she wants or wish to have, maybe take some time to learn about her little thing, in that way princess will be very happy that she gets to buy things for her small friend and i get to spend shopping time with her, She might even reward me with her attention.

Kakucho：Koko is smart-

Mochi：I have no words- i'd let her do anything she want.

#bonten x yn #tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo revengers #bonten x reader #bonten #bonten x y/n

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

OMG i get to talk about khamgalai ive been dying to talk about khamgalai im so fucking mad at khamgalai

i have said stuff about it on this post (sorry im only putting it here cause i started looking for it on my blog and couldnt find it until i went through a post sorter site and i got so upset about it fhdglh so ill have it here just in case i guess) https://www.tumblr.com/tetsuooooooooooo/710065228547866624/anyway-anyone-wanna-hear-about-my-muriel-tired-of?source=share

aaaand liike i started replaying the route recently partially cause i wanted to find anything that would prove me wrong in this matter and i am only halfway through but its Not going GREAT

because it wouldve all been perfectly fine if they didnt choose to establish that she apparently knew the whole time where muriel was and what he was doing. i dont know how much she saw but like. she saw it.

cause this bitch really saw muriel. child muriel. baby. possibly last of her kin. fucking living out on the streets homeless starving getting kicked around god knows what happening to him

and went aw lemme get a snapshot for the family album and just LEFT HIM THERE

AND IM LIKE BITCH I THOUGHT YOU LIKE CARED ABOUT HIM OR SOMETHING I MEAN SHE FOOLED ME WITH ALL THAT CRYING AND THE THINGS SHE SAID WHEN WE MET HER THE FIRST TIME BUT GODDAMN I GUESS SHES JUST AS MUCH OF A "PAIN BUILDS CHARACTER" BOOMER AS MORGA

cause okay even if it was like future visions n shit like thats their magic thing theN LIKE YOU STILL KNOW MORE THAN YOU DID BEFORE YOU KNOW THERES A CITY IN THE NORTH NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE AND WHERE HE CAN BE AND ITS A COUPLE WEEKS AWAY BUT YOURE A FUCKING NOMAD AND NOT THAT OLD YET

like WHAT is the reason she absolutely would not even attempt to come get him other than The Story Needs To Happen this is spiderverse all over again except now im on miles side i hate this hichjgs and like yeah ok the story needs to happen he needs to be the way he is and destiny and whatever but like when were in a story where we know theres a whole 5 other ways to go about solving this problem and its all choice oriented and stuff it kinda just. ya know. it doesnt glass my onions very much vnxviydy i dont know how to put it but u get it

and like

YOU THOUGHT WHAT?? WHAT THE SIGNAL CUT AFTER HE GOT OUT OF THE FUCKING CAGE HE WAS LIVING IN AND YOU COULDNT SEE HIM ANYMORE AND YOU THOUGHT WHAT THAT HE DIED??? girl dont FUCK with me you aint give a shit if he lived or died ok that was harsh im getting really heated this is so messy lol

its probably gonna turn out in a minute that she said something in the ghost realm that makes it make sense but i dont remember that all i recall is us hangin out and her calling me out for being a furry and them being all "u saw me over there and u still like me?" " aw of course i like u come give ghost grandma a hug" thats how i remember that going down fhxhyietfh so yeah ill find out soon enough

Ooh, I think I remember wondering about that when I last played Muriel's route! I'll leave it to other Muriel fans to share their thoughts on it too, since my memory is a bit fuzzy at the moment XD

@tetsuooooooooooo that makes total sense to be upset about though, especially when you're seeing all of this from Muriel's side! T~T I'll be curious to hear what you think as you keep playing the route! ^.^

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #muriel the arcana #muriel of the kokhuri #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #the arcana game

[orionsangel86]

I don't often ever really talk about these things but like, does anyone else have MAJOR franchise fatigue?

Marvel, Star Wars, Disney, HARRY FUCKING POTTER

I am so done with them all.

I'm gonna rant about Harry Potter for a bit. Fair warning.

I got tired of Harry Potter well over 10 years ago. The final movies hadn't even been released and because I have the disadvantage of living in bloody England Harry Potter bullshit has been EVERYWHERE for TWO FUCKING DECADES. I remember my friend dragging me to the studio tour because she got tickets for her bday. I like movie BTS stuff but my god the amount of BUY THIS BUY THAT that gets shoved in your face drove me mad. Proud to say that other than the OG books I read when I was a teenager I have never owned a single bit of HP merchandise in my LIFE. It took my irl friends bullying me to finally go on pottermore and get sorted into a Hogwarts house when I was 27. TWENTYSEVEN. I resisted for years!! I don't even care. They sat me down and made me log on to that stupid website and take the stupid quiz whilst I raised an eyebrow the whole time and tried to smile and pretend it was fun. After all, I'm not actually a total bitch and they are my friends and were enjoying themselves and I didn't wanna upset them. But why do I need to know if I'm a hufflepuff or whatever? Oh thats right, so I can buy the appropriate MERCHANDISE.

You know real witches make their wands? They go out and find a tree and ask the tree if they can take a branch, you have to give the tree something back and say a blessing. You can add crystals or ribbon or whatever you want but a wand is NOT something you buy in a bloody shop. I hate that HP made kids think that.

Why would anyone wanna buy a game about a nearly 3 decade old franchise thats been shoved in all our faces practically our whole lives (if you are a millennial or younger). Im not a gamer anyway so I don't get the appeal but even without all the transphobia and antisemitism involved the whole concept is extremely tiresome to me.

Can we please be done with Harry Potter now??? I dont wanna see it. I dont wanna see anything about it. I didnt give a fuck when I was in my early twenties and I dont give a fuck now in my late thirties its never been any fucking good. Its a rip off of Lord of the rings crossed with the writing of Terry Pratchet and Neil Gaiman anyway.

For years I felt awkward even mentioning to people that I didnt like Harry Potter, like it was a cardinal sin or something. I'm glad people are finally seeing it for what it truly it, even though I wish it didnt take the lives and rights of transpeople to get to this point. Its disgusting that its still so damn popular even WITH JKRs blatant transphobia. I hope the boycotts work. Trans and Jewish people you have my love and support, for both your sakes and so that bloody franchise can stop being shoved in my face everytime I leave the bloody house. Im glad people are finally picking it apart and realising how problematic it was. Things I think made me uncomfortable about it before I really understood the depth of reasons why.

I have been obsessed with witchcraft and paganism since I was a child. I was a weird kid. Harry Potter turned something I was passionate about in a deeply personal way into a consumerist nightmare. Witch became synonymous with it, spells, charms, magic, I'm honestly surprised JKR didnt try to copyright the terms.

Look I dont often talk about social issues. My tumblr is my escape from the injustices of the world and I take my mental health very seriously. But I support trans and jewish people in boycotting this game.

I care about trans rights, about the rights of LGBTQA+ people. The rise of antisemitism AGAIN deeply disturbs me. People truly never learn from history do they? I try to do my bit where I can offline. I have signed petitions, I have donated to causes where I have found them and I am most definitely gonna do my damndest to get everyone I know to vote the transphobic (and otherwise generally evil in every way) Tory government OUT at the next election.

This rant may come across a bit selfish. It is tbh. I am fucking glad Harry Potter isnt popular anymore. Though outside of online communities particularly in the UK its still huge and everywhere. I wish we could wipe it off the face of the Earth.

I am fed up of all these franchises though. If I never have to sit through another Marvel movie it'll be a happy day. If I never have to hear the fucking Star Wars theme again I'll celebrate, if I never have to read about another Disney remake again Ill be so relieved (although I do get some satisfaction reading about them flopping). This post capitalism hellscape we exist in is fucking exhausting.

What we really need to do with these franchises though is pull an Avatar on them (the blue people not the cool cartoon). We need to stop talking about them. Stop letting them infect our collective cultural consciousness. The only way to get them out of our faces is to actually let them die. We did it right with Fantastic Beasts. We can do it again. Remember that in capitalism, even negative press is good press, and the more the press focuses on the controversies and discourse, the more the name of the game is getting into the minds of consumers, especially those that dont give a fuck about trans rights or antisemitism.

I dont know where it ends, but my god I hope it HAS an end. Something surely has got to give right? Anyways. I dunno if there was a point to this rant other than im fed up of a lot of things and feeling particularly grumpy today, but anyways. Boycott Harry Potter and all things related to it.

Support trans rights. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Enough of this bullshit already.

#anti harry potter #boycott hogwarts legacy #trans rights #personal #sometimes i need to rant #and today was one of those days

[lolatalks1]

wed, dec 6 2023

back again! im a little embarrassed over the fact i trauma dumped at the lunch table today- i mean i didnt want to ruin melanie, ithzel, and alexia's day. but, it just kinda spilled out. lately the aggravation towards my mom's choices just is so overwhelming that i just need to let every single feeling out. i guess i should be grateful i have friends i trust enough to talk about my problems. but their reactions are consoling for me but at the same time make me a little bit- uncomfortable? not in the way their reaction was what i didnt like- its more so that i felt vulnerable to say so much and they actually listened to me.

ive come to realize that my own outlook on my emotions feel like im being dramatic- but im not entirely sure if thats really true. i guess it stemmed from my mom forcing myself to stop crying when i got emotional and at times referred me to being dramatic. but thats something i dont really want to think about now. more so, i feel fucking shitty.

to just start off the unraveling with not only my family, but with my friends- it all went down in avid. i dont like the way i worded that, sounds way too exaggerative and cinematic of my high school girl problems- but whatever. the thing was that me, mad, and mela found out that alexia was in the avid room office during seventh period- which was odd since her class wasnt avid. asking her, we learned fragments about some problems with alexia's mom and school schedule- which in response made mad try to enter the avid office. ms b stopped her, but we were all more than worried for alexia. outside of that- the three of us were talking but suddenly mad went quiet- and i suppose it was ignorant of me to not question what happened. i thought at first it was something familial or with her ex, i really wasnt sure. melanie went quiet too because mad did- and im not good with these situations so i silenced as well. it was heavily awkward- no one spoke up. but ms b called me over, and amusingly to me she asked if i was friends with alexia. of course, i said yes, so ms b gave me the key to the office and let me in the room. ive never seen alexia cry, but today i did. more like i saw the after math of her crying. her eyes were red rimmed, and her cheeks were flushed rosy. oddly enough i thought she looked pretty- not in the way i found her sadness attractive- more so the color of pink on her cheeks. anyways- i wasnt sure on how to console her because alexia is relatively quiet about personal matters- but i managed to make her smile and get her mind off of things with some random topics. i kind of want to know who she really wanted to console her- i mean i dont think she'd want me as her first choice of friend to be there for her. im honestly not sure if she values me as much as i value her in all truth. but thats besides the point. when i left the office because the bell rang, i saw madelyn and mela walking out. then, when catching up with them i finally noticed mad was crying. my heart dropped even more and at that moment i felt even more distraught for my friends. she didnt reveal anything about why she was crying, nor give hint, which i then looked at melanie and automatically knew she knew what happened- which then i pieced together whatever happened with madelyn was during my time with alexia in the office. i felt a little confused, and when i feel something like that i get angry. i guess its a trait i picked up from my mom- i need to work on that. anyways, i was upset because i was left in the dark and nobody was telling me anything- so i didnt know what to do. finally, when me and melanie were heading to history she was repeatedly telling me to not tell madelyn that she told me because mad wanted to tell me personally- but melanie saw i wanted to know. so with a few exchange of words i learned the problem.

madelyn felt left out, again.

i dont understand how to balance friendships, always losing somebody at the cost of another. but fuck, i thought i was doing well at being everyones friend. last year i was leaving melanie out because i didnt know her, but now its madelyn? i truly don't know what the fuck to do. i get lost in the moments of just talking that i dont realize who i leave out the conversation- and now apparently it was madelyn. she told me a few weeks back she felt outcasted when with melanie and me, so i tried to include her more. im guessing i reverted back. i keep thinking and thinking and thinking what happened in avid to set her off- but i truly dont know. i feel like an asshole, a total fake friend. and it's killing me. words of my moms degradation and my own self deprecation was bleeding into my endless searching to find a reason why. was i the problem?

i dont mean to be all selfish in these situations, truly. im not trying to be the main star or whatever of everything. but its the only reason i could find to explain madelyn's situation. mad and melanie were best friends, hell i considered them a package deal with how much i associated the two of them together. madelyn and melanie, melanie and madelyn. i saw no other way. this year i started to talk more with melanie, so we grew closer! i was happy i was finally able to bond with madelyns best friend, because now i didnt feel as though i avoided melanie when with madelyn, but i see now at the cost of bonding with melanie, i lost madelyn.

maybe the saying trios never work is true.

ive come to the conclusion the only way to fix us is to make it how it used to be. i revert back to alexia and ithzel, and i stop intruding on a best friendship. i dont want to ruin what they have, and i dont want to make someone feel outcasted everytime i worm my way into conversations. i cant find middle ground, and i dont want madelyn to cry again because of us. it makes me sick to my stomach, overwhelmed like a bunch of bugs digging into my skin and veins, infecting my way of already depleting mind. i want everyone to be happy. so im going to stop walking with them to class, melanie and madelyn i mean- so they can rebond with each other. ill talk more with ithzel and alexia, and then during avid ill leave them be unless they invite me. in history, then ill talk to melanie, and camryn more like how we were today. ill text madelyn after school and try to find when we can have alone time. like how it used to be. madelyn and melanie, melanie and madelyn. theres no layla in the midst of that. i have alexia and ithzel..? overall, i need to talk to madelyn.

wow, i sound really fucking stupid! feeling like im overthinking everything, but i guess thats just how i live my life in a way.

[the-cooler-king]

I've had this dream that I spent all day thinking about.

I'm just gonna be really queer about this for a few minutes so I mean. Do with it what you will.

I've started to accept that I have dreams about people I connect with. I felt a lil freaked out about it for a while but I've started to get my bearings on it and its really strange to experience it with someone else. So, in my dream, I was at the when we were young festival. Instead of being with my sister, I was with my not-boyfriend. Fine, cool. It was set up on a beach (???) And we got separated by the crowd at one point. I couldn't find him. I wasn't really upset about this, as I was sure we would bump into each other again. But someone mentioned he was with my best friend "catching up". In dreams featuring my not-boyfriend, for some reason my coworker/friend is always the bearer of messages like this. I can't remember who it was that told me this, but I certainly can remember the feeling of utter devastation I felt. I ended up leaving but it took me like a day and a half to get back to where I parked my car. One of my biggest fears is that everyone just falls in love with my best friend (not the same best friend every time mind you, but this has happened to me a minimum of five times so you can see why i am worried this will happen) and they tend to remind me of each other sometimes. I'm very worried that if they ever met they would naturally fall in love and be together forever without me. It would actually fucking crush me - I like him way too much to just be cool with being friends, and I love her so much as a friend I couldn't stand being around them both. Like I would not survive this happening to me again. So anyway. Im walking back to my car, very confident he left with her. Except for some fucking reason. He is sitting in my car waiting for me. He's been there a while. When I spot him, I turn around and start walking back the way I came. But suddenly its a huge hill and I know he is getting out of the car to follow me. I lay down on the pavement face first, not painfully just. Lay down and accept this argument I guess. He helps me up, and im mad and I keep asking him to stop and just kind of. Idk leave me be. He starts trying to explain, and I realize I know he won't lie to me but at the same time the hurt I felt was still very real. So I did the gay thing where you're still *really* mad but you kinda lean your head on their chest. And he gives me a hug and apologizes and I just dont move but im crying. Because I thought the worst of him for a minute and it was unfounded, and if he asked me to believe him why wouldn't I? Anyway, he had a really fucked up day today in real life and kind of came clean to me that (to my understanding) he thinks I'm fucking with him for a laff. And while I am completely unoffended, bro what signal did I give to make you feel that way? What can I do to NOT make you think that??? When can we go on a date so I can embarrass myself to you??

#Personal i guess don't interact #I talk about my dreams sometimes #And sometimes they r so vivid still. Its been over 24 hours and I can still remember a lot of it setting wise

[sloppysmooches]

072723

i feel like i never know what to think anymore, time always passes by and im always alone. i know there are people who care about me irl and online but i can never feel it, i love so hard and all i ever get back is half hearted. ive decided to be brutally honest to people in my life because ive spent too long sugar coating, i called my best friend self centered today and that feeling has been sitting on my chest for a long time, i think shes upset about it but shes been with her bf all day and whenever shes with him im nothing to her lolol so she hasnt messaged me back. its not like i said it in a mean way and i even let her know it wasnt a bad thing necessarily but one instance of her selfishness will never leave my psyche and i wish it would but it was so long ago i dont know if i should ever bring it up to her. it was our first real fight, she was mad that i never pitched in any money and that’s obviously so valid like i should have been more aware but she hadnt said anything before blowing up on me and it was the day after my birthday and we had plans and i was just sobbing for so long and she just sat there on her phone like she didnt give a fuck. anyways im just going to start being carefree and real as fuck. i need to stop worrying about other’s perception of me because i know who i am and what others think has nothing to do with me. i need to get out of the mindset that i need people because it makes me feel 10x more lonely because no ones really ever been there for me like im there for them.

[ratrap]

I'm so so proud of you dude, telling her in the first place was still a major step towards getting your life back!! (And I think the clothes thing proves pretty well to me and presumably her how fucked up all this has been and how he's been blatantly lying to you about liking you as you were, yikes.) Doesn't have to be all fixed at once but any little bit of progress towards not being completely on your own with this shit is something to feel accomplished for.

thank you youre too nice to me. Sorry i havent replied im just struggling a bit with things. I tried so hard to lose weight way before and not that i really got healthy before my mum passed anyway but now none of it matters anymore. my clothes are so small im getting too embarrassed to put them on. i feel gross and it makes me not want to go out. i say to him i want to get new clothes but he doesnt. listen I cant keep putting up with this im so unhappy. and because i dont even think i had a life before im not even thinking about anything good in the future. ughhh I have been really upset about my weight and life in general it makes me wanna give up so maybe i can see my mum again I am still on my own nobody would even care if i wasnt here except for him, which gives me all the more reason to not want to be here. My cat is the only thing that makes me not want to die lol. My life is pathetic and so am i. Im so sad and stupid that i let this happen to me all over. the only reason i told her at all was because he had done stuff in my sleep again after again I told him im tired of being like this and then took a video of me while im upset, and i was still mad about it the next day when i went. Hes been waking me up to make me drink milkshake or ice cream and he makes me eat this spoonful of oil stuff i dont even know what it is and he recorded me drinking it while embarrassing me so if anyone likes that and you see footage of a fatass idiot crying that is me. I think he thinks because i have mental health problems that i dont understand i dont know. Im so upset every day i dont enjoy anything, i feel like such a disappointment and embarrassment to my mum and i dont even want my aunt to have to look at me she will be grossed out if she had to look at me nevermind let me live with her. thank u for caring and dont feel obliged to message me okay. I appreciate your concern and everything im just lonely rambling at like four in the morning. If whoever sent me the ask about housing or something sees this i would appreciate the link to whatever it was you were going to send me before i think you can send them in asks id like to at least look at it cause I have no idea what im doing 😞

[i-eatdirt]

vent time!

(TW for s/h, transphobia, biphobia, panic attacks)

So I have this friend, lets call her A. I met A in September 2021,and at the time I was a bit tentative to be friends with her because she was saying some things that were kinda red flags, but I didnt have any friends at that time so i was a bit desperate.

Fast foreward to October 2022, We're friends now. There's also 2 more friends, C and E. At this point A has said a few more things and im getting a bit worried. We have a project to do, and i had an amazing idea. we had to make a camping menu for 3 days and make it fancy (it was nutrition/health class). I make my menu and A tells me she hasnt started it yet and it was due the next day. She then asks if she can copy some of my ideas, and okay. I'm kinda famous in my friend group for letting people copy off me. So yeah, i told her she can copy as long as its only a few things , cause im really proud of this project. She then takes it from me and goes to do her work, but when i ask for it back she refuses to give my work back to me. Now im upset so I ask again, but then i see her work and she copied LITERALLY EVERYTHING, right down to the drawings.

Then I get really mad, so i start yelling at her. Then A gets mad and we start arguing. E finds out and starts getting upset at A, and I can feel a panic attack coming on, so i leave and go for a bit of a walk. When i get back, C has found out, and i can hear them talking about me. I use varying pronouns woth my friends, and i think i was they/them at that time. (Im afab)

Anyways, A goes "I dont know why she's so upset! She let me copy her work!" And E corrects her on my pronouns (like the amazing friend he is), then A says "so what if I get her pronouns wrong? Its not the end of the world!"

that really triggers me, so i leave again. This goes on for a few days, and ive calmed down, so E, C, and I decide to confront A. C takes the lead, since they're our resident therapist friend. We ask her why shes such a crappy friend this year, and turns out theres some stuff going on with her family, her parents are probabaly getting a divorce, her moms boyfriend is abusive. I mean, okay, most bullies do what they do because they're being bullies, but she still has no right being so mean.

We had a LONG discussion and decide were not gonna assosciate with her anymore. So we havent really talked in a while.

But about a week ago, she comes up to us and comes out as bi. Then she explains that her friend is being rude to her because of it, and wants to talk about it because all of us are queer. So we talk a bit and then she asked if there was any chance we could be friends again. We talk about it and decide that yeah, okay, we'll give it a try. There was also a part in November where we all thought she was gonna die because she had some lung problem and she needed to be 'put down' (I don't know what its called for people), but thats not really important.

It was okay for a week, until today. Everything was fine, her friend Z (the biphobic one) had made up with her, our friend groups decide to merge a bit.

For a bit of context, while we were taking a bit of a break from A, E came out to C and i as trans. He uses he/they pronouns.

So anyways, E decides to tell A, which goes about as well as you'd expect. (This is all by notes btw). basically, E tells A, A writes 'youve got to be kidding me' but scratches it out, E shows me, E says somthing, A says he's been influenced because me and C are both trans and that trying things isn't always good, E shows me again, I immediately validate him and tell him she can go fuck herself, E and A pass some more notes I don't read.

Then A says something like 'i dont see how thats rude, i didnt say anything bad' and I make the mistake of saying 'no, literally everything you said is extrememly rude'. Then A gets mad at E for showing me, and everyone starts shouting at eachother.

After, C and A talk for a long time (again, therapist friend), then C comes to me and E to ask what happened, but they don't know anything we havent already told them.

A also made me self-harm back in november, and was being really rude about religions, gay men, and black people/POC.

Anyways um thanks for reading if you got all the way down here.

[indigo474]

God Bless the Queen~9822

the Queen of England died. the world will watch her funeral. My co workers son died. i was more upset when i heard he had cancer. when they said the cancer spread to his lungs i knew he was going to die. life is fucking cruel-unfair.

my waxer said it looks like i lost weight.. she sees me naked every 4 weeks and she said she could tell. she started waxing everything from my belly button down. i'll never get use to having hair ripped out of my body.. ouch- luckily the pain only last for however long it takes her to rip off the wax-2 seconds

maddy likes school!! she seems happy. she did not want to see her counselor - i am making her. she says she feels better- yes- all the reason to keep seeing her. afterwards she said i was right and she was glad she talked to her. i write her a little note every day and she said it is the highlight of her day. she brought up how she hasn't talked to her dad since march- hasnt heard from him. she also shared her sister no longer talks to her. we talked a lot and she says her dad is telling her siblings that she is mentally ill- like me. she says she heard him say it. it hurts my heart- it hurts my head and it just fucking hurts. he is evil. he gives no fucks about these kids. a user and abuser. he plays the victim- it is all so sick. Anyway we talked and talked and talked- Mads wont reach out. She does not want to. I told her that the best thing both of us can do is live a great life. Do the next right thing and work on ourselves and be happy and just live a great fucking life- prove him wrong. Be happy- something he will never be. he never was and he will never be happy. once you see him for what he is- you cant unsee it- he is so predictable. Mads told me she smoked pot - and got really really paranoid. she said she hated it. Good Good Good. I told her that's what she gets for smoking weed.

i dont know how i am going to survive this winter with work. Im going to work from home a few days- i havent told work yet.

im learning how to kayak this weekend. I missed the moon lite kayak thingy.. it sold out- next spring fo sho. im going to lock myself in my room and clean it. its not dirty like dirt dirt- clothes.. i have to get rid of stuff- organize and also set up my work computer.

there were bones along the Delaware... i don't know what kind. a guy at the park told me he saw a snake.. thanks.

i am tired- a good tired. ive been sleeping well. i feel good. i went out with Marci for dinner this week. i enjoy our time together. Dinner was delicious. Vegetarian- i have no idea what it was- it tasted good.

Freaky Tinder guy - i said i wouldn't meet him, said i would meet him- i do kind of remember him from long ago and i didnt think he was attractive - he wants his girlfriend to be involved and im not into that. so why would i entertain the thought of meeting him? boredom-

not a good reason to meet .. also i keep thinking he is going to poison my drink- like wtf- who thinks like that.. i guess i do

i had this bracelet- one of the kids- birthday party grab bag- a gum ball machine- i have no idea where it came from. tiny beads. it had a gold peace symbol hanging from it. i decided to wear it until it broke.. and it did. it exploded on my desk at work. it reminded me of fireworks- beads everywhere. it made me laugh while i was on the phone with a customer.

what are we doing here? what are any of us doing? what is the purpose of all of this? i wish i knew.. and ive been thinking a lot lately about why people talk about getting older like its a bad thing. or rather why i dont think getting older is a bad thing.. lots of thoughts on that.

[recklessyoshi]

if im here, its not good

hey... its been a while. I didn’t know my mental health has been deteriorating until recently.... or has it always been this way? not sure.... Why does she make me so insecure... i feel like a shitty person for wanting her to stay in her shit relationship bc that means i wont have competition, but also like??? a friend wouldn’t make me feel like that... idk i just know if she had the opportunity to she would... literally... she was mad i hooked up w alex... and then she didn’t seem too happy i hooked up with jason... I just hate how low my self esteem is. and look what that cost me... I told everyone i didnt’t rmr how everything went down. And in part, I didn’t lie. everything is fuzzy. I just remember i was not having a good time. and then i left. i dont know what triggered it. i remember being so upset... i was crying. i left. i had no idea where i was and i couldn’t take it anymore. I just felt really suicidal. and then he came. some random guy just appeared out of nowhere. i didnt’ want to admit i was crying so i tried to be cool and he told me he was from the party. so i just went along with it... next thing i know he was inside me... and the scary part is that i was so vulnerable i feel like i consented... but now i feel gross. but i can’t even say anything bc part of me thinks i said yes... i just craved male validation so bad i was willing to accept it from anyone. I wish i didn’t rely on that so much. and now its been 3 times i’ve been taken advantage of... I guess im just unlucky. i fucking give her everything on a silver platter. and how does she repay me? literally flirting with every single guy i’ve ever shown interest in. god she fucking irritates me. 

anyways. i just wanna say to the internet, whom doesn’t know who I really am, that i am not okay. i like writing to you, because i can be really honest with you. i dont have to worry about politics. I can just say my darkest thoughts, and you won’t be mad at me for it. i self harmed again. im sorry. i’ll try to be alive for another day, but i feel like im losing this internal battle.

[loving-olivia]

sorry 4 the drama im imparting lmao

#ok tw im going to talk abt self harm and use the r slur #im someone who can claim the r slur but i wouldnt exactly call my use reclaimation in the following words idk #im super fucking retarded basically like #uhg i dont even know where to begin #im afraid that someone lurking might see the fic and use it as an excuse to hurt themselves or something i know thats not very coherent but #theyve not always been the most logical person #they thing theyre being logical but theyre actually just beign rash and not approachng their feelings in a healthy manner #but the thing is if they come lurking on MY page...... thats not my fault #but also i care so much about them even if they dont give a fuck about me anymore #uhg im so angry #but ill feel so fucking guilt #guilty #i feel guilty even now #its making it so hard to like olivia #like the original spark is gone and im really upset about that but i insist i want olivia back in my life #shes fictional but i LIKE HER she gave me lots of seratonin and helped me realize im a lesbian #obvs she wasnt the only factor but she came int my life during a time of extreme transition and so ive really gotten attatched to her #anyway i feel guilty like im scared my ex will hurt herself bc im still self shipping with olivia #yeah... #EDIT: ok but if she reads this she'll be so mad #i havent lurked on her social media or anything at all #but she does ik she lurks i mean i dont know if she still does #i dont want to put ip trackrs on my blog bcause if i see that shes lurking ill feel compelled to text her #and im just so sick of compromising my self resect for people who have hurt me #she would probably think im selfish for even saying she hurt me #shes not in the right head space #shes going to go straight to hell without even dying #im so worried about her... #i know she pushed me away but i feel like ive failed her by not forcing myself in

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

#peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker #spiderman #spiderman imagine #spiderman x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #andrew garfield #amazing spider man #amazing spider man x reader #amazing spider man imagine #parker!reader #peter parker x sibling!reader #peter parker x sister!reader

[shadowturtlesstuff]

you belong with me- thomas

this is thomas’s pov. i like doing both pov (i dont know if you can tell) but there are a few things im working on but enjoy!

“How could-? Are you even hearing yourself speak you fool? No- no. God, you know what I'm done.” I throw my phone on the bed, scaring Sir Issac in the process. I cringe even as I begin pacing back and forth. It was truly absurd, utterly crazy, that William lived in such a world where he would ever consider me being with anyone but Audrey Rose. Whilst we weren’t together per say, it was clear there would be no one else for me. The fact that he had already caused trouble for us once makes this even more irritating. I turn and find Audrey Rose already watching me. Her hair disheveled in a messy bun which tells me she is studying or researching something. I give her what I hope classifies as a smile and watches as she pulls out a familiar notebook, searches for her pen and then writes: Are you okay?

Of course she would ask if I'm okay and not what happened; using our absurd way of talking to each other instead of using the window or even messaging me. I shake my head but smile and make my way towards my window. The wind hits me, sending my hair flying but I embrace the fresh air as I watch her move herself off her bed, cursing at her stiff legs. She has been there most of the day, not moving and lost in her work and music. She curses once more as she hits her elbow on the window sill and she looks truly adorable. “You have a wicked mouth Wadsworth. Did you not learn cursing is unlady-like?” I try to ignore the other thoughts I have of her mouth.

“Fuck you,” she scowls at me. It always makes me smile hearing her curse, she always sounds confident in them somehow, making them seem so real. The first time she swore was the time she failed a science test. Well, not exactly a fail, but she was marked wrong by a substitute teacher who didn't like her so she decided to berate him in front of the whole class, starting with her shouting ‘bullshit!’ as soon as she saw her results.

“I assume dear wadsworth, you want to ask what has made me so irate?” As much as I would rather climb across the gap and make her watch another one of my romance films again instead of talk about it, I know that I should. Otherwise it'll eat at my mind when I go to sleep. As well as it being used against wadsworth in some way too.

“Perhaps,” she says, eyes sparkling with mischief as she rests her head on the wall and brings her knees to her chest, “perhaps I merely wanted to ask if Sir Issac was okay.” I nearly burst out laughing at her. She has a love hate relationship with my cat. She pretends to hate the ‘beast’ but will often let him sit on her lap or pet him whenever she is over here. When I first got him, she stayed round mine for the night and we settled him. Even then she had tried to pretend not to like him but she doesn’t remember that she fell asleep with him curled up next to her. I had to sleep on my chair because they were sprawled out, surrounded by her work.

“Really? You always refer to him as a little pest, whereas as with me, I am your dearest person, of course you want to know how I am feeling. My son is good though, very energetic today.” Said cat brushes against me and I look at him, the memory still clear in my mind. Yet I know I need to stop avoiding the problem, Audrey Rose is too kind to push me into telling her, and will let me avoid it for as long as I need. It is not the worst thing we’ve faced yet I still hate it.  

“I assume you saw the call, well that was William,” she nods, her face already falling at the mention of his name, “Yes, awful. Apparently though, there is a rumor that I'm with Miss whitehall. I don't even remember her first name, but he was convinced of our relation despite my protests. Madness.” I scoff at the sheer audacity of him and his friends. Sir Issac nuzzles into me, knowing that I'm upset and wanting to change that. As well get attention.

“Is this the same William that had convinced everyone I was dating him?”

“Yes.” Anger rolls through me at the memory of that disaster. What hurt Audrey Rose the most is that she truly thought he was a friend. She’d explained that with me she didn't try, but everyone else she had too, so when they'd fallen into easy conversations during lessons she really enjoyed having someone other than me and lize and her uncle to talk to.

“Bitch. Why on earth is he such a problem? Where on earth does he even make this assumptions about us?'' She begins pacing, her mind working faster than her steps as she no doubt recalls everything that happened. I am inclined to do the same. I can still remember her walking into her room, looking at me and falling apart. I climbed into her room and held her letting her calm before she spoke to me. I cried as well, slightly, knowing how much that friendship had meant to her. I'd made us watch a really cheesy film and she'd fallen asleep in my arms.

“I have never once,”I say to drag her back to the present “shown interest in her, nor will I ever.” I drag a hand through my hair. “She's just- a lot.” the first time id met her she was just very loud and demanding, I couldn't stand her. I'd watched her insult so many people for being themselves, for liking childish things, or in Audrey Rose's case, morbid things.

“That is the understatement of the year Cresswell. Besides, you wouldn’t work, she's too- your,” she falls silent, either lost in thought or not wanting to tell me those thoughts. Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink and I smile. She doesn't meet my eye as she sits herself down and I raise my brows as she asks what? As though she didn’t just show me that she has many inappropriate thoughts about me. She curls herself into a ball, hiding in her oversized hoodie, which is mine that I'm not sure she realizes is.

“I’m what? I'd be delighted to know your innermost thoughts of me, Wadsworth.”

“You're absurd but fine I'll elaborate,” she rolls her eyes though, even as the pink deepens slightly. Her eyes focused on my own. So I face her fully, like an astute student in class dying to seek knowledge, “you're too kind, too witty and clever and Whitehall wouldn’t appreciate you enough. You-” she stops talking immediately, as though whatever is in her mind she cant voice. Her face twists into something unreadable and I get the sense that she would rather not ever speak about me being with someone other than her.

“You forgot to mention how handsome I look, or how charming I am, but I'll take it,” she suppresses an eye roll and her smile and ignores the way my voice deepens ever so slightly. I pat Sir Issac off me and earn a whine but he jumps off me. I reach out to her and she leans, her hair ripping free of her bun with little effort from the wind. Her dark curls cling to her face, framing her perfectly too. It makes me want to hold her face in her hands and kiss her deeply.

“I don’t need to inflate your ego further Thomas.”

She inflates my ego every time she smiles at me, whether that be because of my joke or simply smiling at me because I am her friend. “I know but it would've been nice. I did say the inner most thoughts but we’ll get there. Audrey rose-I don’t belong with her, you’re right, my heart would never belong to her especially since it already belongs to someone else.”

She blinks at me, her face falling flat. Silence falls over us and I realize she thinks I'm talking about someone else. And idea forms, one that she may hate me for but one I'm going to do anyway.

“I-” she begins, no doubt going to tell me she wants me to be happy without whomever I'm with. I stand before she can say anything and she stares at me for a second so I motion for her to move. I want to be able to hold her and be next to her. I climb over and set myself on her window sill, leaving enough space for her on the other side. “I hope you are happy with whomever has your heart Cresswell.” I try to hide my smirk at her. Preparing myself for the worst. Preparing myself for her calling me an idiot and that she doesn't like me that way. I wouldn’t blame her.

“Of course I'll be happy. She's amazing. Let me tell you all about her. I met her many years back and was instantly smitten with her emerald eyes and her quick witted mind. How she sings to herself every morning and how her dark curls fall across her face whenever she sits on her bed and reads. I adore her curiosity for the dead and how wicked her mouth is and how delightful it is to watch your mind at work. I love when she shows me a note through the window to see if I'm doing okay and-”

“Wait,” she blurts out, her cheeks red now and eyes bright with shock, “Thomas, are you talking about me?”

I can’t help but laugh. She is one of the smartest people I have ever met yet she, just like I do, struggles with social cues sometimes. Albeit it she is better than I will ever be. “Yes, finally! I thought I'd have to keep speaking forever till you realized it was you.” Not that that would be a problem. As of right now I'd happily list the way her eyes are filled with both relief and shock and happiness and it's a look I want to capture whenever I need a reminder of something good in life.

She scowls at me, ignoring her blush. I take a risk and reach out my hand, moving closer so that her back is straightened on the wall, her attention fixed on me completely. No fake scowl or bright smile, just an intent gaze I can't quite pick apart. I rest my hand on her leg, now free of her (my) hoodie. “Wadsworth, darling, I have been in love with you for some time now.”

I stare at my best friend, my love, as she tries to convince herself this is real. It's truly adorable. Then her eyes widen slightly as she whispers: “I have something to show you.”

She jumps from my grip, running the short distance to her bed and then shuffling through the mountain of books and papers sprawled there until she pulls out a notebook and shakes it, letting a piece of paper drop. It's folded and creased a lot, as though it has been opened often. I watch as she faces me and slowly, her face fixed on the sheet as she opens and holds it out to me.

I read the words: I love you.

I love you.

I read them over and over and over, trying to imprint it on my brain. Her delicate handwriting and her confession reaches out to me and I desperately want to reach out to her, hold her against me and press kisses and make her laugh.

Audrey rose takes her seat across from me and I instantly reach out, holding her leg again. Anything to reassure me this is real. “I wrote that the night after you came here the second time.” her voice is soft, her curls once again framing her face as she looks at me, “Something in me clicked that no matter what you'd find a way to comfort me. Not save me, but work alongside me. I wanted to tell you I just couldn't face it. But I needed to acknowledge it. So I wrote it down, and I look at it every time we use the note system; I try to convince myself to show you.” Audrey Rose would never need saving, never want it, yet her words save my own dark heart that she has felt this way for so long, and we have somehow lived alongside each other and been so blinded by our love entwined with fears that it has taken so long to finally acknowledge them.

I debate pinching myself. Only minutes ago was I miserable and upset, yet Audrey Rose has taken her time to cheer me up. Yet even if I had left it as I am fine, even though she knows me better than that, she wouldn't have pressed for answers; would have waited for me to open up. So i lean in and the world stops as we both wait until our lips are pressed together It's a light kiss, one full of promise and wonder. When I lean back we are both smiling so freely my heart feels as though it too is reaching out to hold Audrey rose. We trade kisses, never wanting to leave this loop but I do lean back away from her. I’m already too drunk on her kisses, I need to breathe, to process this so I can remember it. Once my back is against the wall I pull her, twisting so her back is against mine, leaning into my warmth and I rest my head atop hers. Trying to contain my smiles but to no avail. My hand covers hers and as i look down at her i notice she doesn't bother controlling her smile. It is a magnificent sight.  

“Now would be a perfect time to tell me how handsome I am, my love.”

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