#anyway i love bottle episodes and i think it was REALLY well done here all the plot lines of s2 are coming together v nicely

[createserenity]

Reunions and the sound of glass

I don't often analyse scenes in Good Omens, I much prefer talking about their character dynamics, like I do here (and I have several other posts in the works along similar themes) but there’s a scene in episode 4 that I really want to talk about because it has both relationship stuff and a mystery – specifically the sound of breaking glass (that's not really glass breaking as such).

So let's talk about the scene when Aziraphale arrives back from Edinburgh. How adorable is Aziraphale’s face when he sees Crowley? They’ve literally been apart for a day and he’s so flippin’ delighted to see him. He’s missed him. He had fun investigating, but it wasn’t nearly so much fun without Crowley there. Now he’s back, he’s so very happy about it and he can’t wait to see Crowley. See how excited his face is? And he’s literally leaning forward to peer around the door columns as he approaches the shop.

Then Crowley appears and Aziraphale beams, he literally lights up with so much joy the moment he sees him and hears his voice. There’s even this split second when he sees Crowley where he opens his arms like he really wants to embrace him.

Then he gets a face full of plants and my goodness the look of absolute dejection is heartbreaking. I just want to shake Crowley for being so ridiculous here. Just show your angel some love, you silly demon!

Also I think the disappointment is partly why Aziraphale tells such a silly lie about the journey being uneventful. Crowley has just smacked him in the face literally and figuratively. Literally with a bunch of plants and figuratively with the message, “I’m not really that bothered whether you’re here or not.” Unsurprisingly Aziraphale doesn’t feel like sharing anything with someone who has just done that.

Now let’s take a detour here and talk about the weird sound we hear as they go towards the car. That’s not a pure breaking glass sound as such (like you’d get from a smashed window), it’s the sound of the pub doing its recycling. It’s the noise you get when someone takes out the internal glass bottle bin and empties it into the outside glass recycling bin. It’s why Crowley doesn’t react and Aziraphale simply looks around and then turns back looking unconcerned. They’ll hear that noise all the time, it’s not the noise of something bad happening.

So why is that sound used here? I have no idea. Presumably it’s not just ambiance, although since it’s a noise that could serve that purpose it could very well be that it’s a red herring. It also happens at an odd moment. One thing breaking glass signals is the breaking of trust. Aziraphale has just told a lie, but by the time we hear the noise Crowley is several seconds into his description of ‘Jim’ singing and sleeping. It seems too far removed to be to do with Aziraphale’s lie specifically. So that leaves us with three possibilities – we should ignore the noise because it’s only ambiance, it’s to do with something other than lies, or Crowley is lying about what he and Jim have been up to. I have no idea why this last one might be or what might have happened. Anyone want to speculate? To be honest he doesn’t look or sound like he’s lying to me and Crowley actually lies very very rarely, especially not to Aziraphale (when he does it tends to be by omission rather than a direct lie) so I’m inclined to think the sound is supposed to clue us into something else. But what? And if so why not actual glass breaking, why the weird recycling sound?

Anyway back to Aziraphale and Crowley’s interaction. Crowley manages to piss Aziraphale off even more by being all lovey-dovey towards his car.  After checking out Crowley’s arse (!) as he bends over to put the plants in the car Aziraphale then seems to become anxious as they talk about whether he has anymore clues, even glancing over his shoulder nervously as he talks. Why? No idea. Maybe he just knows that he didn’t really find out all that much on his trip and is worried Crowley is expecting more of him?

What’s quite sweet is that he only completely regains his balance and perkiness after Crowley shuts the car door and Aziraphale is able to step up close to him again. There’s no real need for him to step forward, they’re already at conversation distance, but Aziraphale feels most comfortable when he’s right up in Crowley’s space. Also Crowley admits to his own failure and doesn’t seem inclined to say anything about Aziraphale’s lack of information, so that probably helps too. Symbollically speaking a barrier between them (the car door) has been removed.

Anyway the scene ends with them heading back to the bookshop and I really hope Aziraphale finally gets that hug he wants. I mean, I know he doesn’t, but I feel so bad for him in this scene and it would be nice for the poor lovestruck angel if he did.

#good omens 2 #good omens analysis #good omens meta #good omens fandom #ineffable husbands #ineffable fandom #aziraphale loves crowley #crowley #aziraphale #the hitchhiker episode #good omens

[matthew-gray-gubler-lover]

Halloween with the team of the BAU (Spencer Reid Smut)

Please do not read this if you are under the age of 18. It includes sex, kissing, fingering.& dirty talk (spencer)

I wrote this story based on the episode where Penelope throws the Day of the Dead party, but I'm changing it into a Halloween party and also it is based on the time that Matthew Gray Gubler Had black nail Polish on because he had his nails done with his mom. The picture will be posted in this story to show what inspired this. His mom wanted him to have his nails done, or the manicurist wanted to do them I'm not sure. But anyway, for a short time he had black nails.

It was a quiet day at the BAU. Luckily for the team it was just paperwork day. It was quite welcome after three back-to-back cases. You haven't been home in a month and half, aside from the sounds of paper rattling, pen scratching the paper, and sigh's coming from the team who are filling out the paperwork, there was really no other sounds happening in the BAU.

That was until you heard the sound of high heels clicking on the floor and the sound of Penelope Garcia 's voice. "Welcome back everybody" she said with a happy tone as she placed a piece of paper down in front of each team member.

Hotch put his pen down and picked up the piece of paper. A black piece of paper with a bright orange pumpkin on it and bright orange words.

The word's saying Penelope Garcia 's Halloween Spooky Spectacular.my place at 8:00pm October 31st.

You picked up your piece of paper and looked at it. "Is this really going to happen? We're having a Halloween spooky spectacular Penelope Garcia style?".

"Yes we are. I want everybody to come dressed up. Come one, come all. I'm so excited". Garcia answered.

Reid Heard what was going on and looked down at the piece of paper. "Yes A Halloween party. I love Halloween".

"I hate to be a downer Penelope, but what happens if we have a case on the day of the party?" you asked.

"Well miss negativity, if we have a case at the time we'll just move it to the next day or the next week or whatever this party is happening. Halloween Spooky Spectacular".

"I'll have to see if I can find a sitter for the night or if will be home to take care of Henry" JJ added.

Two days had gone by and you still didn't have a case, so Penelope asked Spencer and you to help her shop for the party and also help her bring the groceries up to her apartment.

All three of you were chatting about the Halloween party, very happy and excited about the upcoming event.

"I hope I bought enough food for everybody. I want to make sure that everybody has enough to eat and I have very specific things in mind of what I'm going to do with the food that is inside these paper bags". Penelope said as you all walked up the stairs to her apartment.

"I'm sure you have enough food. we have 12 bags of food here Penelope" you giggled.

Penelope unlocked the door and all of you went inside, placing the bags on her countertop in her kitchen.

"I hope so, but I'm kind of nervous. I've never had the whole team here before. Hey Spence, could you check the refrigerator and see how much hot sauce I have?" Penelope asked before getting some fake blood and letting it run down her face.

"Spencer opened up their refrigerator, moving a jar of eyeballs to the side before finding the bottle of hot sauce. "You have enough hot sauce, I think depending on how much guacamole you're planning on making, are you OK.?" He asked calmly as he saw the fake blood running down Penelope's face from her eyes down to her cheeks.

"You didn't even flinch. JJ was right. I told her I wanted to go scary for Halloween and she just laughed at me".

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well if it helps, you probably do have a scary side. I mean, we all have scary sides. Take me for example. On Halloween, I can scare the living daylights out of anyone that's around me." spencer told her.

"OK, so let me get this straight, pen. You brought us here just so that you could scare spencer? That wasn't nice. Penelope Garcia, I am surprised at you." you told her.

"I just wanted to see if I was capable of scaring anyone, and clearly I'm not."

"it's ok pen i love you any way" you hugged her.

"So on to something happier to either one of you know what you're going to come dressed up as to my party?".

"i'm not really sure yet" you told her.

"not sure yet? the party is tomorrow night" Penelope shrieked.

"Well, I already know what I'm coming as. I'm coming as Frankenstein" Spencer told her.

"Frankenstein?" Penelope said with a gasp.

"Yeah Frankenstein. Is there a problem with that? I can try to get a different costume before tomorrow night" Spencer told her a little worried.

"I love that you're coming as Frankenstein. Just can I do your nails, you know, put black nail Polish on them, make you really look like Frankenstein. Please, please, please let me put black nail Polish on you". she was asking him, bouncing up and down, clapping her hands.

"Uh, OK, sure. I guess that would make him look more authentic. You're really excited about this, aren't you?" he asked her.

"Uh, yeah. Ever since the first time I saw your hands, I wanted to put nail Polish on those beautiful fingers of yours." she told him.

You're standing in the kitchen with them, with your hand up on the counter, head tilted to the side with your eyebrows raised, not really understanding what's going on at the moment.

"You want to put nail Polish on my Husband?" You asked her.

"Yes, I do. It's something that I have dreamed of ever since the first time I met him and saw those long, beautiful fingers. I just wanted to put nail Polish on them. I know that I do my own nails, but it's not as satisfying as how I think it would be to do his". Penelope explained.

"Oh no, I'm right there with you. I understand. Every time I do my nails, I think the same thing." you told her.

with spencer looking at both of you like you are crazy.

"ok well you can both do a hand if you want to" he offered.

"REALLY?!" you and Penelope said at the same time.

But you agreed to let Penelope do both hands herself, because it would make it more special if you got to do Spencer's nails alone.

The day of the party came and everyone said they would gather at Penelope 's apartment. She really went all out with pumpkin twinkle lights, bowls of candy, even Halloween inspired snacks.

The one you thought was the cutest was the little mummy Baby carrots. Usually people would do this with hot dogs, but being Penelope Garcia and being a vegetarian, she opted for baby carrots. and you love it

Penelope chose being Barbie this year. And in true Penelope Garcia fashion, she was Barbie from head to toe, literally, from the pink hair tie in her high ponytail to the pink shoes that was wearing.

You chose being an Angel for Halloween. You had on a sparkly white dress, a little Halo, and some feathery wings along with white nail Polish with silver glitter topcoat.

You have to admit though, seeing Spencer with that black nail Polish did make you feel not so Angely. You just wanted to stare at his hands all night knowing how wonderful those fingers feel.

Spencer couldn't help but notice you keep looking at him since you two are the only ones that arrived to the party yet.

"are you ok?" He asked with a little bit of weary in his voice. Not really sure why you keep staring at him.

"oh yeah just like looking at you" you tell him before kissing him.

There are some spooky music playing in the background while Penelope puts the finishing touches on the food.

She's saying something about the food, and as much as you love Penelope, you think of her as a big sister, really. But all you can focus on is Spencer and those damn black nails.

You thought for sure you were going to lose your mind. Thank God there was a knock at the door. It was Hotch. He came dressed as Indiana Jones.

A little bit later JJ showed up. She was Marilyn Monroe in the classic white dress.

The Prentice showed up. She came dressed as a black cat, complete with a tight-fitting black outfit and black cat ears.

"wow you look great" you tell her.

"Thank you. I must look very convincing as a black cat because Sergio couldn't keep his eyes off of me while I was getting ready" she laughed.

Even though there were now more people at the party, snacks were now being eaten, music got a little louder and you were mingling with the rest of the team. well the ones that have arrived so far anyway, you still couldn't stop your mind from wandering the Spencer.

Not helping matters any was the fact that Spencer was now licking ranch dip off of his fingers after accidentally putting a baby carrot too far into the ranch dip from the vegetable platter.

Yep, that was it. You were going to lose your mind. OK, here we go. Mind Officially blown.

But this is so the BAU always knows when you need help, because just as you were about to lose your frigging mind there was another knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" you yelled out with a slightly shrieky voice, Just trying to get your mind off of what you just saw.

It was Rossi. "Hey you look beautiful. What a beautiful little Angel you are" Rossi said to you before hugging you.

"thank you" 

"And you make a very nice...." You stopped looking him up and down, trying to figure out exactly what he was supposed to be.

Since he was just wearing one of his suits that he wears every day, so you weren't really sure what he was supposed to be

 "I came dressed up as an agent who left the BAU and then came back." he told you Pointing to the badge that he wears when he's in the station.

"oh so you're David Rossi?" you asked.

"yes i am" he smiled.

Penelope come walking over with a tray of skeleton brownies.

"Hey you made it!. And you're David Rossi What a great costume. No one can pull it off better than you can Sir". she smiled from ear to ear.

"thank you Penelope.

"So everyone's here now, except for the always fashionably late Derek Morgan." Penelope said placing the tray of skeleton brownies on the coffee table.

You go back over into the kitchen where Spencer still standing by the vegetable platter holding his plate with carrots and dip.

"You know the ideas that are in your head are not very Angel like pretty girl." Spencer whispered in your ear.

"What do you mean? How do you know what I'm thinking?" you asked.

"I know because you've been staring at me ever since Penelope put this black nail Polish on me, You keep staring at my hands. I know you already love my hands, but you've been staring at them even more ever since" he whispered.

The heat of his breath brushing against your ear turns you on even more.

"Do you want to see if they feel any better inside of you with black nail Polish than they do without? I know how much you love my fingers, they already make you moan and whine and bring you so much pleasure. Do you think a little bit of color's going to make them feel any better?" he asks.

If he keeps talking to you like this, there's no way you're going to make it to the end of the party.

"Not necessarily better. I just want to know how they feel. Is that wrong for a wife to want to know?"

Spencer smiles and chuckles. "I knew it. You want to see how they feel don't you honey? OK, well here's what we're going to do. We're going to see if they make you feel any better."

"what here? we can't do it here!" you tell him, you are so turned on but your not crazy.

"OK, well we'll just have to come up with something. How about we had a snack to bring and we forgot to bring it? That'll get us back to our apartment." he offers.

"ok, that's good"

 You leave the kitchen and walk back through the living room, heading towards the door. "

We had some snacks to bring and we forgot about them. We were so excited about coming and helping you pen, so we're going to go back and pick up our snacks, OK?" you say rushed.

"oh honey we have food here but i guess we can never have to many snacks" Penelope tells you with a smile before hugging you. "Make sure that you get home and come back safe, OK?"

"ok" 

You're not sure that you've ever seen Spencer drive so fast before? Of course your eyes could not stay off of his hands. Not only the traffic light shining off his gold wedding band, but also those black nails.

You may get home in about 12 minutes. As soon as you're in the parking lot of your apartment, your seat belts are off and you're running upstairs to get inside.

You both run inside and slam the door behind you, making a straight line for the bedroom. You throw yourself on the bed, lifting up the bottom of your dress.

"wow you really can't wait can you?" spencer chuckles.

"no i can't i need you spence please" you beg.

"no need to beg honey i will give you everything you need" he Tells you before reaching down and pulling off your underwear and then looks back up at you and tells you "everything you need and more".

He then takes a long lick right up your center, causing you to moan loudly.

"is this what you needed?" he asks.

"yes" you moan out. As you cleanse the Forest Green comforter atop the bed in your hands.

"Oh OK, so you only need my mouth. I thought you needed my fingers too" Spencer teases you.

"i do please spencer i need them"

"ok what my baby what's my baby gets" he tells you before putting a finger in.

"oh my god, yes move please"

"ok" he starts to move his hand a few times before adding another finger.

"does it feel as good as you thought it would?" he asks before sucking on you clit.

"AAHHH OH YES, YES IT DOES" you yell.

It only takes about 5 minutes before your coming all over Spencer's fingers and mouth.

"so was it better than usual?" he asks you with a smile.

"it was so good, but then again you always are" you pant out.

Spencer smiles and says thank you as he starts taking his belt off and dropping his pants along with his underwear that have pumpkins on them. Something that you can't help but giggle at. You're not really sure how somebody who's so sweet and innocent and has such a pure love for Halloween could possibly be capable of such sexy things.

"do you think you can take me? if you don't want to you don't have to" he asks you not wanting to push you.

"i want you, i need you" you answer."

"you need more? Well don't we have an insatiable appetite tonight? You sure are naughty for an Angel."

He then removed your costume completely and kisses his way up your body before telling you 

"I like that you're naughty" and then kissing you on the lips.

He pushes in with no hesitation. You both moan out at the pleasure of it all. He kisses you with such passion you think for sure this is going to be the end of you, and there's no way that this is going to any time soon. You're going to miss the rest of the party.

But it's okay. Penelope will understand. She knows how much you two love each other. She'll be fine with it.

Spencer thrusts slowly kissing you on the lips and neck before looking at you in your eyes and telling you how much he loves you. He whispered sweet things in your ear as he moves and also interlaces your fingers together.

You both completely lose track of time, completely swept up in the moment, The love, the pleasure that you're both feeling.

after are Both Done. Two orgasms for you and one for him. You both put your costumes back on and realize you didn't get a snack. So you go into the kitchen, open the cabinet and take out a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. "This will do right?" spencer asks and you run back out the door.

"Oh my God, they're so going to know what we did". You say with your hands up to your face is Spencer drives back to Penelope's.

"Well, is that so bad? We're married, We're in love. They'll understand. There's nothing shameful about what we did." Spencer tells you, trying to calm you down.

You pull back up to Penelope's and run inside with the bag of chips.

As you do you hear Penelope saying. 

"Seriously, this is your costume? You couldn't even try for me?"

You close the door and look over to see who she's talking to. "Oh damn, it's Morgan" Spencer says.

"Baby girl, I told you I don't like Halloween. I don't like people going around dressed up like that. I find it creepy. So at least this is a Halloween shirt." he tells her.

"Really? a Halloween shirt is a shirt that says this is my costume. You couldn't even get something that has a pumpkin or a ghost or something?".

"It's orange."

"That's your argument. It's orange. OK? Everybody else got dressed up. Even Rossi".

"Rossi's dressed up? Seriously, You're going to tell me him coming here in the suit that he wears all the time is dressing up? What exactly is he supposed to be?" morgan asks.

"He is a FBI agent that came back to the team."

"so he came as Rossi?"

"well yes, but still it counts."

"This could be good for us. Maybe we can make it look like we've been here the whole time. They seem pretty occupied over there. Maybe Morgan won't notice." spencer whispers.

You both go the opposite direction of where they are on the other side of the room and run to the kitchen.

"i think we made it" spencer tells you.

"Hey pretty boy, don't think I didn't notice you just running into the kitchen." morgan yells.

"damn" spencer says.

"Well aren't we a little late to join the party?" morgan smiles.

"oh no they were already here, they forgot the snack's." Penelope told him.

"Ah, OK, so you went all the way back home just to get a bag of salt and vinegar Potato chips. Hmm. I'm not buying it. Plus, you two look like you got caught sticking your hand twice in the candy bucket."

"morgan please" spencer said.

"oh come on Pretty boy, I'm happy for you. I'm glad you got a little Halloween loving and really while you're in an Angel costume. Oh girl, that's naughty."

"We took the costume off first" Spencer said lowly.

"well At least you took the time to take off her costume." Morgan said, given Spencer a little nudge on the arm with a smile.

"Everyone came around to see what was happening in the kitchen. Oh, nothing, nothing. Just having some fun with pretty Boy over here. Though not as much fun as this little Angel did with him tonight, but I digress."

Aside from being completely humiliated and now you are a dark shade of red, you're sure that Spencer must be too, but the green face makeup is kind of hiding it.

You and Spencer, along with the rest of the BAU, had a really fun time at Penelope 's Halloween party. As the party came to an end, everyone agreed that this should be a yearly thing.

It was after midnight by the time the party ended, and close to 1:00 by the time you and Spencer got home. That didn't mean that you couldn't have another round of fun though. Post Halloween fun was just as fun as Halloween fun.

after two more rounds of passionate love making. spencer held you in his arms.

"So do you think maybe Penelope might be interested in throwing a Christmas party?" spencer asked Running his fingertips up and down your arm as he held you.

"yes, why?" you asked.

"Well, because if it's anywhere Nere as fun as Her Halloween party was I will definitely be going. I was thinking maybe we could make my nails red and green for Christmas." he giggled.

"really? you would let me do your nails for Christmas?"

"as i said before what my baby want's my baby get's" he told you before kissing you but when we get a case we will take it off, just like this color ok?" he asks.

"ok" you answer.

"and now for round 3" spencer giggles. 

oh yes this is a Halloween you two will always remember.

Masterlist

#spencer reid #doctor spencer reid #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #dr reid #reid #spencer reid smut

[bookish-whore]

Falling Part ll

Azriel x Reader

Words: 3.6k

Warnings: angst, depressive thoughts, minor panic attack, slight discussions of past trauma

A/N: Here is part two of falling, I hope you all enjoy it! I will most definitely be continuing this as a series. as always my requests are open <3

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A soft knock sounds at my door.

“y/n?” a soft feminine voice calls my name

I sit up in bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes suddenly hyper aware that I look like a mess. The curtains are still closed leaving the room extremely dark, while discarded bottles are scattered on the vanity, dresser, and floor. Evidence enough of my current mental state.

“Come in” I call out, my voice shaky and hoarse as Nesta opens the door a tray of food in hand. I immediately stand and begin to apologize for the mess, giving her some sorry excuse about not feeling well.

She sets the tray on the bedside table and makes her way across the room to open the curtains. I can’t help but hiss as the sunlight comes streaming in, my eyes taking a moment to adjust to the scene before me. I suddenly feel very exposed, like the light is somehow shining into my very soul, revealing all the secrets I’ve kept hidden, revealing all the darkness that lurks within me.

Nesta moves to seat herself at the foot of my bed, gently rubbing the space next to her, a silent request to join her. After a moment, I make my way to the bed seating myself next to her. I rest my hands in my lap, staring intensely at them while pulling on my cuticles, a nervous habit that I resort to when I have nothing to say. I should look at her, I think, I should make my eyes meet hers and talk to her, but in all honesty, I am terrified because right now I know that if I meet her gaze I’ll fall apart, the thin resolve that I have will crumble under the slightest pressure and I will be completely vulnerable.

The silence is deafening.

Nesta places her thumb and forefinger under my chin, lifting my face to meet her gaze as she softly says. “You know it’s okay… if you’re not okay”

I don’t even have time to process what she says before I feel the tears welling up, my eyes beginning to sting. I bring my hands up to cover my face as I begin to sob. My shoulders shaking as the words all rush out, as I tell her everything. I tell her about the bond snapping into place for me, about the small moments where I had hoped he would realize it, the small moments that still lingered in my mind, breadcrumbs that I imagined would lead him to me. I told Nesta about the training sessions, and I told her about that night in the hall.

She listens to every word and after I finish, she pulls me into a tight embrace, running her hand through my hair whispering words of encouragement telling me it would be okay, that I would be okay. Offering some semblance of comfort to my breaking heart.

“I shouldn’t even be upset” I manage to choke out “Azriel doesn’t owe me anything, it isn’t like we’re together, and I haven’t even told him about the bond, not that it would matter anyways”

As if sensing my own vulnerability, Nesta offers up a piece of her own fractured soul.

“You know, before Cassian; before I accepted the bond, I was in a really dark place too.” She began “I was horrible to my family; I would lash out at them telling them exactly what I knew would hurt the most. I was also self-destructive, I was drinking every night, bringing countless men into my bed, and there was a period when I just wanted my life to end.”

She took a deep breath before continuing “and I did all those things as a way of denying what I really felt. I was hurting, I was angry, and I didn’t think I deserved to live, or to love, or to find happiness because I hated myself. I hated what I had done, what I thought I could have done, and I didn’t allow myself to feel anything.” She pauses “but after a particularly bad episode, which got me temporarily banished from Velaris, Cassian and I spent a week in the wilderness climbing this mountain to find a mythical healing lake. When we made it to the lake I completely broke down and I am going to tell you exactly what he told me.”

She took my hands in hers, looking me in the eyes and said “I can’t tell you when, or how but it will get better. What you feel? You will get through it but only if you are willing to face it, and embrace it, and walk through it, to push through your pain and come out on the other side” then she added “our situations are not the same, but pain demands to be felt and by trying to push it down you will only hurt you” she gave my hands a squeeze before releasing them.

I took a deep shuddering breath before saying “where do I even start?”

Nesta smiled “come back to training, I think that having an outlet and a routine would be a good thing for you right now.”

“But I’ll have to see him, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet”

“You have to start somewhere y/n, and you can’t avoid him forever” she stands making her way to the door “just think it over, we have an afternoon session today if you change your mind” She opens the door and exits, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Embrace it, push through it. I say to myself getting up from the bed, compiling the scattered bottles from around the room and discarding them in the bin. “I will get through this.” I mutter quietly as I step into the bath, giving my hair a thorough wash, and scrubbing my skin until it is pink and raw. “I can do this” I say again wrapping my body in a fluffy towel as I arrange my wet hair into a braid.

I am the rock against which the surf crashes. I think as I pull on my leathers, lace up my boots and look at myself in the mirror; and nothing will break me. Feeling a surge of confidence, I make my way across the room and place my hand on my doorknob.

Letting out a long sigh, I open my bedroom door and make my way to the roof.

--------------------------------------------------

I notice three things immediately:

One, the sun feels amazing on my skin in fact I don’t remember the sun ever feeling so good. Its like it is seeping its way to my very bones. In a way it feels comforting, like the universe telling me this was the right decision.

Two, Gwyn and Emerie are here, they squeal as they make their way over to me. Their excited voices drawing the attention to the others on the roof. They quickly fill me in on the new exercises and routines they have been working on. I can’t help but smile at the fact that this feels so normal, like nothing has changed.

And three, that Azriel is here, and he is walking towards me.

I take a steadying breath, running over all my mantras about being strong as he stalks towards me. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

“Hey y/n, I was starting to wonder where you’ve been” he says, his lips turning upwards to form his usual smirk.

“I haven’t been feeling well actually” I say, my voice coming out strong and confident as I continue “last week I came to the roof in the middle of the night for a sparring session and I think it gave me a cold or something.”

His eyes widen slightly, so slightly that I almost don’t notice. “Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better, training just isn’t the same without you.” He gives me a small smile before turning to the group and giving instructions about pairing off.

“Alright let’s break into pairs and run through the new routines; Emerie you’ll go with Cassian, Gwyn with Nesta, and y/n you come with me”

Before I can protest, Cassian speaks up “Actually Az, I think I’ll work with y/n today. Show her the routines and ease her back into it. I think that Emerie is advanced enough to work with you. Plus, you haven’t adequately sparred in a while, I bet Nyx could get a jump on you these days” he teases.

The shadowsinger nods his head in agreement and I let out a sigh of relief.

The general and I move to a more secluded area of the roof to go over the movements. Once we are out of earshot he says, “To be completely transparent, Nesta told me everything.”

“Oh gods, whatever will you think of me now” I say, the sarcasm dripping from my voice.

“I don’t think it matters what I think, but for what it’s worth I think that my brother is an idiot, whether he knows about the bond or not getting involved with Elain is messy.” He takes a step towards me getting into a defensive stance “and if it matters, I think that you made the right decision by coming back. You know you are a lot stronger than you think you are.” He gives me a wink.

“And you are a lot wiser that you think you are” I reply, “now can we move on, I really just want to stop thinking about all of this.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely” he says as he begins going over a new defensive maneuver and for a few hours I don’t think about Azriel, or Elain, or my broken heart. I throw all my energy and attention into sparring, and I start to feel like my normal self again.

--------------------------------------------------

After yesterday’s training session I sleep in, my body exhausted from the sudden change of routine, and I don’t awake until nearly noon. I run a comb through my hair and throw on a simple day dress deciding to join the group for a meal. I walk into the large dining room taking up my usual place and enjoying the mundane conversations happening around me. Until I hear my name being called, or rather yelled.

“y/n!” the lovely blonde female says making her way across the room, wrapping her arms around me in a friendly embrace. “It has been ages! We need to spend time together and catch up. I have missed you. I know you have been so busy with training, and you know I have been gone working with winter court. but I am in desperate need of human connection.”

“I missed you too Mor” I say, offering her a smile. “and I would love to spend time together”

“Well in that case, we are planning to go to Rita’s later, if you want to join” Mor asks.

I immediately open my mouth to decline and give some excuse about having a headache or being sore from returning to training yesterday, but Nesta and Cassian’s words come to mind, and I decide to heed their advice.

“You know I would actually love that. I think a night out is exactly what I need”

The blonde squeals in delight “Yes! I have the perfect dress for you to wear I’ll bring it to your room in a few hours.” She pulls me into a tight hug “we are going to have so much fun” she says into my ear before pulling away.

After lunch I return to my room, deciding to catch up on my reading before I get ready for tonight’s outing. I am just getting to a good part, the love interest being injured in battle and revealing their true desires, when a knock sounds at my door.

“Come in” I yell getting up to greet my visitor

“Okay” Mor begins already stepping over the threshold “I know this isn’t normally something you would wear but I think it is absolutely perfect for you. The decision is yours but be ready in two hours” she gives me a kiss on the cheek before quickly leaving the room shutting the door behind her.

Oh gods, I think taking in the garment in front of me. What have I gotten myself into.

I decide to clear my head by taking a bath. I quickly wash my hair and scrub my skin leaving ample time to lean back and relax taking in the sweet smells of lavender and honey that I added to calm my nerves. Once satisfied, I climb out toweling myself off and put on a dressing gown while I tame my hair. After a lengthy internal debate, I decide to keep it down, letting it fall in loose curls down my back as I apply a simple rouge tinted lip balm and coat my lashes in mascara deciding to finally put on the dress Mor brought.

To be fair, the woman had taste. The dress was gorgeous, it was floor length and a deep forest green. The straps on my shoulders were thin, the front had a plunging neckline the perfect opportunity to show off my cleavage. There was also a long slit along both sides that rose to my mid-thigh, allowing me to show off my toned legs. I was certainly showing more skin than I was used to; however, the thought of doing something so outside of my comfort zone was thrilling. I quickly finish getting ready, pairing the dress with simple shoes and gold jewelry I had received from Amren last solstice and exited my bedroom before I lost my nerve and changed into something else.

--------------------------------------------------

I had forgotten how it felt to be out like this. I could hear the sounds of laughter, clinking glasses, and the upbeat music before we had even arrived at Rita’s but walking through the threshold, I had no idea what I was in for.

We all settle at a large table in the corner and Feyre, Mor, Nesta and I volunteer to get drinks for everyone. As we make our way to the bar I spot a familiar redhead in the crowd, I quickly tell Nesta I’m going to say hello and manage to slip away to talk to none other than Lucien Vanserra.

We had slowly become friends over the last few years, often gravitating to each other at parties being that we were the only two members of the group to not be romantically involved with someone. And it was easy to talk to him, he was kind and believe it or not extremely funny.

“Well, well, well, Vanserra does have a life after all.” I quip smiling at him as his eyes meet mine.

“Ouch, you wound me y/n” he says, smiling as he grips an imaginary wound over his heart.

I slap his forearm as we engage in an easy conversation catching up and whatnot. He tells me about the band of exiles, about new developments in the human lands and the spring court a few funny tales about Jurian and Vassa. And as he talks, I can’t help but think that it was so easy. It was so easy to engage with him like this, no pressure, no worries, and I have to admit that it’s nice, while we talk, I manage to forget the past few weeks my spirit feeling light and free for the first time in a long time.  

“Do you want to get a drink?” he asks motioning his head towards the bar, his question quickly pulling me from my thoughts.

“I would love that” I say following behind him as he pushes through the crowd. After browsing the menu, I finally settle on a fruity mixed drink as he gets another ale. “So, what’s new with you y/n?” he asks.

I don’t know if it’s the confidence I have in this dress, or the drink in my hand, or even if it’s my heart trying to stitch itself back together but I tell him “Well, I found my mate, and it turns out he is already involved with another, and apparently since I am so lucky I managed to intrude on an intimate moment between them.” I can’t help but laugh as I take another sip of my drink.

“Well, aren’t we both just so cauldron blessed” he sarcastically says back, and its exactly the response I need. We both laugh at the sheer similarity of our situations, our two broken hearts recognizing each other in a sea of people. We both remain silent a moment, finishing our drinks when Lucien suddenly asks if I want to dance.

“I don’t know” I mumble “I’ve never been one for dancing”

“Come on” he says, holding his hand out to me “live a little”

“You know what?” I say smiling at him “why not”

I take his hand as he leads me through the crowd. Just as Lucien and I take to the dancefloor the band begins to play a familiar upbeat tune. Lucien twirls me around him as we move to the music our hands clasped together as we move through the steps. Mor quickly joins in, followed by Cassian and Nesta who never miss an opportunity to dance and before I realize it, I am having a good time. I begin to look around, subliminally searching for those molten hazel eyes in this crowd of people.

I don’t know what possessed me to look for him, maybe it was the mating bond, that invisible string tethering us together, the constant reminder in my chest that flared anytime I looked at him. Or maybe it was simply my own need for self-destruction. Either way, my eyes locked on him. Across the room, he and Elain were cozied up together at the table, gazing into each other’s eyes, smiling at each other. Azriel reached up to push a piece of hair behind her ear, and his hand lingered there softly sweeping his thumb over her cheek as he pulled her in to him. Their lips met in a sweet kiss. He pulled away, his smile so wide and uninhibited and that’s when I knew.

In that moment I knew he would never look at me that way, he would never touch me in that way, he would never smile at me in that way. He would never love me in that way.

My heart cracked in my chest, and I wondered how no one could hear it. How no one could see that I was breaking, every last shred of resolve crumbling inside me and turning to dust.

I was suddenly aware that I couldn’t breathe, my hands came up to my throat, as if they could force the air into my lungs, my vision became blurry, my blood pounded in my ears, and I knew I had to get out of here immediately.

“You alright y/n” Lucien says, suddenly noticing I had gone completely still beside him.

“Lucien, I-” I begin to say trying to take deep breaths “I need to get out of here, pl- please get me out of here”

I don’t know if Lucien could sense the urgency in my tone or if he could see the panic on my face, but he puts an arm around my shoulders pulling me into him, the unfamiliar but pleasant scent of crackling flames and cinnamon flooding my senses. To anyone it would look like a sweet embrace between lovers, in reality it was the only thing that kept me standing upright, the only thing that kept me from crumbling into a puddle right there.

Lucien breaks the embrace, putting one arm around both my shoulders and I, in turn place my hand around his back wrapping around to his abdomen and we make our way to a door that he whispers to me leads to an alley just outside the bar. I nod a silent acceptance as we open the door the frigid night air immediately bringing me back to reality. Once we are alone in the alley, I am finally able to take deep breaths, bringing my head to my knees as the autumn prince brings his hand to my back, a sweet gesture of support as my vision returns to normal and my breathing stabilizes.  

“Let’s get you home” the prince says. I don’t argue, I just silently take his hand and we emerge from the alley, beginning the long trek back to the house.

“Hopefully our absence won’t be missed” I finally say, breaking the silence between us. “Oh, I doubt it, your absence may be missed but mine is never noticed” the prince remarks. I know he was trying to lighten the mood, but I couldn’t help but sense real pain at his words. I grip his hand tighter “I would notice” I say giving him a small smile. We continue the walk back to the house in silence, listening to the symphony of city noises paired with the faint rushing sound of the Sidra.

What I hadn’t realized as we left the bar is that someone had noticed, a pair of piercing hazel eyes remaining fixed on the door long after we left. The shadowsinger wondering what I could possibly be doing alone with the red-headed autumn prince.

Next Chapter ->

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Taglist: @moonfawnx @we-were-beautifull @yelanwifey @frgman-sins @fromdeloss

#azriel x y/n #azriel x reader #lucien x reader #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #acotar #azriel shadowsinger #bookish-whore #nesta #cassian x nesta #mor acotar

[sisterofficerlucychen]

Hello,

I love your take on the Rookie. I have been seeing a lot of posts everywhere from people wanting Tim and Lucy to break up to create angst and drama. I personally hate that route i have stopped watching shows I loved because they did that. To me that is lazy writing and cliche. What is your take do you think they will break up? There is ways to create angst and drama without characters breaking up. It has been done many times before: Castle, Bones, Blue Bloods, Brooklyn 99 just name a few.

that’s so sweet, thank you! ♡ 

i don’t think they’ll break up, i feel like there’s far too much at stake for them to do so. i just keep thinking back to lucy’s “if we do this and it doesn’t work, i’ll have ruined the most important relationship of my life” like those were such powerful words and them breaking up feels like lucy’s worst fear come true, and it makes me wonder how they’d get back the trust between them? i do have to put a quick disclaimer though because i’m such a sucker for some good angst that i would eat up any break up scene especially anything that parallels 5x02 because they broke up without even being together????? i was not emotionally okay for a while. anyway, i think back to when they were in relationship’s with ashley and chris, they both stayed in them because it was safe. they were keeping their feelings bottled in because it was safe. lucy saying it wasn’t worth the risk because from her point of view, the idea of losing tim was so much worse than the possibility of exploring things between them until he tells her that maybe it is worth the risk. she was resigned to things being how they were because at least that kept him in her life even at a distance and even as a friend. the thing with it not working out means that he’s no longer in her life, she’s lost her person. like that’s huge. 

it’s also hard for me to see them breaking up because of how well they communicate with one another and work things through. 5x02 aside when they entered their pining era, they have always been really good at resolving conflict whether it’s with one another or helping the other with whatever comes up. in 5x12 we saw them face their first obstacle as a couple and how they navigated it. when tamara asked if they were going to break up, lucy immediately dismissed it. she had no idea how they were going to resolve things but she knew that it was worth the risk. when they were talking about their two options, breaking up was not even a debatable option for either of them. even during their last shift on patrol, tim mentioned that there was the possibility that they’d see each other less and lucy was sad about it but it wasn’t enough of a reason for either of them to call it quits because this matters so much more than anything else. 

i love, love, angst and drama but them breaking up isn’t a way i’d personally see this happening. i think that they can go other routes without having to fall into this one. we also already saw this with wopez so i don’t know if they’d repeat it? i think that they can create angst and drama with them through other avenues. i’m all for conflict because one of them is in danger on the job. i’m a sucker for life and death panic moments but even then, i don’t know. i’ve personally really enjoyed season 5, in general and with chenford, so i’m really just kind of here for the ride right now. like overall i’m pretty content with what the writer’s are doing and the moments we’re getting so i’m choosing to give them the benefit of the doubt that they know exactly what path they’re putting chenford on and why. i don’t think they’ve given us a reason for us as an audience not to trust them like it was a slow burn but i think that so far it’s 100% paid off like i’m still in absolute shock and awe that chenford has been canon for only four episodes when it feels like so much longer than that and i’m so excited to see what’s coming next ♡ 

#the rookie #chenford #answered #anonymous

[mylivejournalsucks]

Bottleneck.

I went to Minneapolis for work: the birthplace of Brenda and Brandon Walsh, the city where Mavis from Young Adult calls home. I was being interviewed at a college in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I do college talks as often as they'll have me. To be frank, the money is good. I think back to all the colleges I visited back in my Thought Catalog days—Princeton, Yale, UCLA, McGill, Emerson, University of Vermont—when I didn't have an agent and students would ask me what my quote was.

"Um, just pay for my flight and hotel? IDC!" I said.

One time I gathered up the courage to ask for $500. Now I know I could've made more than my yearly salary.

But it's not about the money. Not entirely. I've realized, especially in recent years, that I love dedicating chunks of time to things that have nothing to do with my Real Life. Getting flown to a city I would never go to ordinarily, researching restaurants, eating the local cuisine (aka going on Grindr) feeling beholden to no one, getting to talk to a group of kids who've been spent the last few years living primarily with Ideas, it's heaven. It feels luxurious, like a nibble of dark chocolate before bed. Sometimes I think if I could live the bulk of my life as a bottle episode—nothing of story consequence, could stand on its own or be cut for time—I would. Bottle episodes are typically the strongest, anyway. They don't have to be bogged down with exposition or serialization. They can just exist and show off the good bones of a TV show.

As you get older, it's harder to just exist. Suddenly everything has consequence, everything is connected. We've designed our lives to to be constantly building, building, building. Go here to get there.

When I'm in these random cities, I'm going fucking nowhere. I'm laying in my hotel bed, AC blasting, watching episodes of Chopped at 1am, my jet-lagged face lit up by my laptop. I'm Googling "Best coffee in Minneapolis" I'm drinking the best coffee in Minneapolis (really good, tbh) I'm working out in the hotel gym with the other mentally ill freaks who can't go three days without exercise endorphins, I'm thinking about going to this museum everyone is raving about while knowing full well I am never going to go, I'm answering an email or two, I'm accidentally getting a huge chunk of writing done—writing that would've taken me a week in Los Angeles—because nobody knows me here, nothing is expected of me. I have nowhere to be. I am really horny all of the time. Hotels put you in that frame of mind. The bed says: "Why are you not having sex with a stranger on me? That's what I'm here for." And then sometimes I do have sex with a stranger. If it's good, the place I'm visiting will suddenly feel like home. Now that I've had a local's penis inside of me, I get why people live here. If it's bad, the limits of the bottle episode will be tested when I fly back in a rotten mood.

Does my enjoyment of these "work trips" belie a larger dissatisfaction with my real life? Yes. No. Maybe. Fuck off.

A state of unease has settled on my chosen city, Los Angeles. The industry I work in is like a weather forecast. And just like the real weather, there's been an inordinate amount of rain. Something's not right. (actual weather: Climate change, Hollywood: Monopoly is being adapted into a movie.) No one knows how to fix it. When will the person in charge come back? Wait. You're telling me there was never a person in charge? Oh no.

Of course, my ego requires me to say I am one of the lucky ones in that I currently, as of this writing, have a job. But even in bustling times, a writer feels insecure. Being prosperous means knowing what the next six months of your life looks like. That's it. And then it's back to planting those seeds knowing most won't bear any fruit. (I spend three days in the Midwest and I'm trying out farming metaphors.)

When I am in these cities or small towns, I am there for a job, which means I know money is coming in. And anything happening back in Los Angeles is none of my goddamn business. Until it has to be.

These cities I visit are full of ambitious people but I project so much on to them. They've chosen to live in cities with affordable housing and James Beard award-winning restaurants. Any unease they feel comes from within and not from watching the Hollywood stock market, otherwise known as the trades. Their lives belong to them whereas I don't know if mine totally does. There's so much powerlessness that comes with my profession. What if a network that is paying my mortgage merges with a Sbarro's tomorrow and, poof, no more job? I wish I were joking but the only comedy getting made right now is Real Life, streaming everywhere.

I want to figure out how to live life more like a bottle episode. How can I take this back to Los Angeles without becoming irresponsible? I don't want a different life. I just want my life to stop feeling different. I want things to go back to "normal" which, for Hollywood, is still crazy but, like, I'm not scared of Sbarro's taking my job.

I am a cynical optimist. Everything is cyclical. It will land somewhere. But, in the meantime, how do you stay inspired when you are told everybody is looking for things that are "safe" which is code for "nothing that comes out of your faggot gimp brain?" How am I supposed to feel when I see my business chasing after IP no one gives a shit about and spending $200 million because they can only conceive of teeny tiny or big bang boom? Baby Reindeer is one of the most popular TV shows right now. I haven't seen it yet but it's a show with no stars (no offense!) and no action figures. Just people trying to figure out less painful ways to be alive, like all the best kind of art explores. It reminds me of Fleabag's success. When your premise is simple, you can be complex. And, yet, I feel like the wrong lesson will be metabolized. "Stalkers! Let's reboot the movie Disclosure, even though no one watched it the first time!"

The thing is, we're all miserable living under these mandates. And, yet, we made the rules. If only someone would just realize no one is coming to save us. We have to save ourselves.

Anyway, my favorite bottle episode is Girls, season two, episode five "One Man's Trash." A show everyone is rediscovering but probably wouldn't get made today for reasons that are made up and nobody understands or agrees with.

[sonnetnumber23]

Good Omens 2 Rewatch. Episode 4 (Now, this one seems to be even more impressionistic than the previous three. Anyway) *

I really can’t make up my mind whether Aziraphale can lie or not. It seems to me that maybe he actually can when it’s about something important.

We all remember him being very convincing as Crowley in the bath of holy water. He also was very calm while dealing with Furfur. In the Job’s story he was still very young, it was only his second lie. He seems nervous, but he does a pretty good job anyway. Then he somehow manages to keep the Arrangement a secret for millennia. Surely, the angels are dumb, but how dumb are they exactly?? Gabriel in the first season actually believed that Crowley “hasn’t spotted” Aziraphale yet. Demons are dumb too, but even they suspected that Crowley and Aziraphale “were an item”. 

So Aziraphale must have been very good at pretending.

And he kept doing that during the Apocalypse while he had to report more often, apparently.

He’s really bad at lying to the archangels though – both in S1 and here – about his “boyfriend in dark glasses” and about Gabriel.

He’s not very convincing here, in ep.4 when he’s talking to Shax. Shax knows he’s lying.

You know when else he’s bad at lying? When he’s lying to Crowley. On the phone and in the Bandstand about the Antichrist. About not liking Crowley. And so on.

So his bad lying might come from his nervousness. Or maybe he’s a bad liar when he wants to be found out. You know, even in that moment with the archangels: deep down he’s just felt really pleased that someone called Crowley his boyfriend, even though it’s dangerous and all. Who wouldn’t secretly want to be pulled out of the closet?

Anyway, I think Shax chose a really good technique here to get what she wanted from Aziraphale.

(I don’t know what this all means in terms of “Aziraphale Lied” theory and its plausibility. I still don’t think it’s very possible, but if somebody wanted to they could find proof. I wish they did, but…)

***

Lol, I love it that it’s Crowley who’s done the voice for Hell’s greetings. He’s a star down there. :D I hope they’ve kept it after he resigned because no one can do a better recording, and they’re too lazy to renew it, but they’re all constantly annoyed anyway. XD

“We’d like to apologize but we won’t” is my new favourite line next to Phoebe’s “I wish I could but I don’t want to.”

***

Aziraphale is so happy while driving through burning London, *facepalm*. And Crowley acts like he’s just remembered that he’s supposed to be angry with Aziraphale for the Holy Water incident. I love it, especially after he’s offered a lift home himself.

Crowley could have just as well miracled the whiskey bottles back together or something, he really didn’t need Aziraphale to replace the magician (and I’m not even saying that Crowley should be okay with Mrs H. and her girls being miserable, if he were a proper demon, you know, because, of course, he couldn’t be).

 I mean he’s just so straightforwardly allowing Aziraphale to do something that makes him happy – again! I wonder if he is fully aware that Aziraphale enjoys it twice more because he thinks he’s doing it for Crowley? I don’t think he’d be catching a bullet for West-End alone, do you?

*

Crowley is so composed again when they are in the shop.

A: “Oh, there’s no need to thank me. That’s what…” (Pause, he looks at Crowley, Crowley looks away.) “…friends are for.” (Aziraphale’s smile fades).

God, I bet he’s remembering their last meeting here. (Serves him right too!) The way he called it then – “fraternizing”. And good for Crowley to not immediately show him that he’s forgiven. The way he averts his eyes and changes the topic… He hasn’t got over the fact that Aziraphale refused to help him that one time that mattered…

***

Is there any meta on the significance of nuts in this season? I mean they come up twice in the coffee orders, and here we’ve got Aziraphale’s spell “with a dash of nutmeg” (which is repeated twice as if we should notice it) – that comes very closely to Metatron’s coffee order. I feel like I’m being shown all the evidence but can’t figure out who’s done it.

May it be that the whole Metatron’s order is something of a spell? To do what exactly? Aziraphale make’s a farthing disappear. Metatron makes Aziraphale disappear from Earth, but is there more to it? I bet there is, but I have no idea what it is.

(Not a fan of the whole “Coffee Theory”, but I bet it’s important somehow anyway.)

***

I love how Crowley immediately slips into “we” in this whole magic business: “We need something new, something dramatic. Is there anywhere we can buy tricks?”

It’s the same as with the Nina/Maggie situation. He is so easily involved in Aziraphale’s ideas and plans – even when they might seem silly. He takes them so seriously, god bless him.

***

[“My Nefertiti fooling fellow” – love-love-love the alliteration. <3 I am immediately teleported for a moment into 2017 when DT was doing Don Juan in Soho, that alliteration feast.]

***

I must say, I greatly dislike the zombie-Nazi storyline, it’s just beyond unpleasant for me for some reason. But at the same time I simply adore Crowley and Aziraphale in this minisode. They are both so much Them here, and they are so wonderfully in love.

The way Crowley is clearly torn between supporting Aziraphale in his hobby and being concerned for his safety! Or how he keeps the façade of his annoying demonic self, taking money from Aziraphale’s wallet to pay for the rifle, but at the same time it’s extremely soft because he’s making a statement: He can do it!

And how Aziraphale is clearly intoxicated by Crowley’s attention and support. He doesn’t drop his “holier-than-thou” exterior either: “As a demon you must have fired many guns”, – but only because he is sure that Crowley has, and he doesn’t want to look weaker or less cool. He talks about his firearms license and the gun in the book so casually, because he thinks it’s something ordinary, something that cool people do, and Crowley is definitely the coolest of them all.

Also I am obsessed with the fact that Aziraphale can fire a gun and Crowley can’t. I mean they both don’t need to, and Crowley must be just lazier and has more common sense (and doesn’t read romantic and adventure novels). But it’s still so symbolic. And that’s one of those characteristics which I think the fans of the original book might especially like. I mean, it looked as something very much like book!Aziraphale and book!Crowley to me.

God, Aziraphale is such a romantic! The way he’s all excited when he says he has “a perfect man for the job”, “a 100% reliable marksman”. He is so willing to show Crowley how much he trusts him. And then, the next second he loses his confidence (“At least I think I have”) – not in Crowley being reliable, but in Crowley willing to help.

This whole episode is (as many others) a miniature image of their relationship. They trust each other with their lives but they still don’t believe in each other’s feelings.

*

The way Aziraphale shakes Crowley’s hand with both hands warms my heart. He is so happy to touch Crowley, and so happy that Crowley’s initiated this – the whole thing really, starting with the church.

I feel like in this episode Aziraphale is so happy to have Crowley back after the holy water incident and to see him act as if he still wants to be around – it makes Aziraphale feel giddy.

The way he acts, the way he looks, and the things he says are all showing that.

*

And poor Crowley, he’s so deep in worrying that he even forgets to raise his hand when Aziraphale asks for a volunteer. And the way he’s then franticly reading the brochure! At the very last moment he’s shaking his head to Aziraphale as if asking: “Shall we stop this?” But Aziraphale even though he’s very nervous, scared even, wouldn’t back off. He said he trusts Crowley, and he does – even without miracles. And without miracles it makes this trust even more real. And Crowley is determined to trust him too, even though his hand is shaking horribly.

They’ve done this thing so many times before and after: like when Aziraphale gives Crowley the holy water he really has to trust him a great deal not to “go unscrewing the cap”. During the body swap they both endanger themselves to save each other, which required complete trust.

It’s interesting that they trust each other so much even though they both have a history of lying/withholding information from each other.

I wonder how much of it is that they know they can rely on each other more than on anyone in the universe and how much is that they just want it to be true because they both know that they would do anything for this one person.

This is the problem with acting instead of talking. When you act you think that your intentions are very clear, but the other person acts too and they are thinking about their actions and intentions and don’t necessarily read your actions correctly. Crowley and Aziraphale have both been so busy acting and trying to show something that they didn’t look and understand each other properly.

That’s why they so easily misunderstand each other in the Final Fifteen: they’re not used to talking and listening. They’re used to acting and hiding. They’re so used to this traumatic way of life that it will take more than one conversation with two humans to change it.

***

The whole scene with Furfur is hilarious! I saw wonderful meta about Crowley and his problems with memory which might be due to Heaven’s intervention. But really, it’s just so funny if Crowley simply didn’t care enough about Furfur to remember him. XD Or maybe he’s even saying that to annoy him – it would be quite in character too. :)

***

Now. Their conversation over the bottle of wine. Oh, the way Aziraphale says: “I knew you would come through for me. You always do.” And then after Crowley’s “You said ‘trust me’” – “And you did.” So soft and full of admiration. It’s like he really wants this talk here. He wants Crowley to admit what he feels. But Crowley isn’t fast enough this time. For him speaking about feelings doesn’t change anything (yet). So Aziraphale never gets the acknowledgment he needs to act on his feelings and Crowley can’t allow himself to acknowledge anything while he isn’t sure how Aziraphale feels about him (“fraternizing” and all that) and isn’t sure they would be safe if he even did.

I love them so much, if I think too much about them, I’m gonna expload.

***

Some less serious speculations.

Many people mentioned that in the first episode Aziraphale says that he did the “I was wrong” dance in 1941, but we never saw it.

So, what I think happened was: they went on drinking, and at some point Crowley, very drunk, started to lose control, dropped his cool mask and all the tension, the fear and nervousness of the past day caught up with him.

Aziraphale was shocked to see Anthony J. Crowley sobbing on the floor and repeating: “What if I’d missed? What if I’d shot you??”

The angel probably had to do the dance just to distract him and get him out of the spiral. Also he did feel a bit guilty (for feeling so happy about the fact that Crowley cared). Just kidding. Or not. Somebody, write a fanfic, pls, or I’ll have to do it myself.

#good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens 2 meta #good omens 2 rewatch #ineffable husbands

[inkedmyths]

S2: E6 "No Exit"

Brought to you by I'M SORRY I KEEP FORGETTING TO POST THESE. HERE YOU GO

This episode featuring: Misogynistic tropes, Family Guy, the daddy issues continue, and Robert Smirke's 14 Fears

Silas: YAY

Kayla: hello queers and sam winchester

Compilation of Dean's dumbassery in the beginning, we love to see it

Ominous flickering lights! Great start

EWWWW GOOP

Hell is RIGHT baby bc its probably a demon or something

Oh boy mom and daughter fight

WHDHDHDHDHDHSH

Poor passerby family walking in on that

Yeah and you're young and blonde and therefore likely to get eaten by this thing, which I'm sure is the point

Melon: Oh to be born as a disposable horror movie character

ECTOPLASM

STATEPUFF MARSHMALLOW MAN EHDHDHD

WHSHSGSGSGS JUST WALKS UP TO HIM LIKE HI THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND AND DEAN'S LIKE uhhhhhhhhhhh ookay

Whshsgs yeah her moms not an idiot

Shes thinking abt stabbing u with it Dean

LOOK I GET THERE'S LIKE AN ISSUE WITH SEXISM BUT SHES SO STUPID

HAND

Anyways as I was saying its like "definitely a sexist character archetype" but also she really is stupid

Dean gonna get his hand bit or somethin just putting it in a vent w/a spirit

EWWW SCALP

Oh look another random blonde girl

Did they not check to see if there were any other blonde chicks in the building when investigating

DEAN WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING LIKE THAT??

He was fucking sleeping like that

Ah yes the tragic backstory bc of her dad dying

Ofc

Dude honey he has daddy issues out the wazoo this isn't something you want to be asking probably

Melon: Wait is she asking Dean for parent advice

Me: Asking what yhe first thing he thought of when he remembered his dad

Melon: MAAM

Me: Dean saying it was shooting bottles on a fence I Feel Like Thats A Lie

Melon: Ma’am this man exudes daddy issues in a 6 km radius at all times you really shouldn’t ask him anything about his dad

Melon: Does this look like the face of someone who was hugged as a child? No? Cause he wasn’t

Melon: Pretty sure any answer he gives could be a lie cause like I’m pretty sure the entirety of everything he’s ever done with his dad flashes simultaneously every time he remembers him.

Ohhhh so hanging people jn the field nextdoor ok that tracks

H. H. HOLMES? AMERICAS FIRST SERIAL KILLER

CLOROFORM

THE MURDER CASTLE I KNOW THIS FUCKIN GUY

Crazyyyyy

SHRIEKS THEY'RE JUST BASHING IN WALLS NOW?

LMAO DEAN

Girl u have no sense of self preservation

ALSO TIE YOUR HAIR BACK WHY ARE YOU WALKING IN SOME DINGEY ASS WALLS W/IT DOWN

HHHolmes blond girl. Joanna Beth? Isk.

ECTOPLASM

SCREAM

Time to start breaking walls

[ Crepe says to drink the ectoplasm like a milkshake. Do not do this. ]

Scratch marks..... where others have tried to get out

Oh I am not looking at the screwn while shes looking out of it bc creepy fuckers eye is gonna show up I just know it

OH THERES MULTIPLE GIRLS IN HERE

Theresa...

Rip in pieces

[ Melon appreciates the humor of using an acronym and then adding the rest of the statement. ]

Sam and Dean looking like dumbasses with their fuckin. Metal detector?

Into the sewers without delay we can't go wrong we know the waaaay

That ladder is pretty sketchy

What a creep

Ok scared him off for a sec

Dean army man crawling in a stupid little sewer

[ Melon notes that he's always felt showing someone crawling through a dark tunnel on their stomach is, in his opinion, one of the scariest things to be utilized in horror. I think there's a lot of merit in this; you can't go very fast, and you can't turn around, so if something else is in there with you... It occurs to me, that while we've warned away Melon from TMA for Prentiss reasons, I should show them MAG15. ]

WOO SPIRIT SHOOTIN

Eugg... bones...... the corpse of one of the victims

Well thats creepy as shit

Salt circled him

[ Crepe makes a reference to a Tumblr post about salt in hoola-hoops, instead of salt circles. I'm sure one of you guys could dig it up. ]

CONCRETE TRUCK LMAOOO DEAN WHERED YOU GET THAT

WHSHSHS THE AWKWARD SILENCDean stfu

LMAO

Well thats rough

[ More discussion comtinues on useful and hilarious solutions to demons and ghosts, such as holy water squirt gun, holy water humidifier, and salt infused hairspray flamethrower. ]

Like father like sons oh ma'am

Oh boy

AHAHA.

I mean I get being upset but also its stupid as hell

You can't blame someone for what their parent did thats fucking stupid

I mean I get being concerned that some traits carry over but this soecific behavior is stupid!

[ At some point around here, the episode ended. I, however, was hung up and DEEPLY offended by Jo's behavior at the very end. ]

Me: THE SINS OF THE FATHER ARE NOT THE SINS OF THE SON. BANGS HAND ON DOOR. DO YOU HEAR ME.

Melon: *cough* unfortunately pretty sure john could find a way to pass on his sins or smthn. Dudes done some weird shit

[ I rant about it a bit more. I'm so deeply, deeply offended. Then, a pivot into discussion about the monster of this ep. ]

Me: Anyways absolutely wild that the monster this ep was an irl serial killer

Me: Same energy as Robert Smirke being in the Magnus Archives

Kayla: ROBERT SMIRKE WAS REAL?

[ Needless to say, the conversation was immediately sidetracked. ]

Crepe: What did he do

Melon:

Kayla: BUILT STUFF AND ITS EVIL???

Me: WELL NOT IN REAL LIFE

Kayla: WHAT

Kayla: IS THAT A US GOV BUILDING

Kayla: HE DID BUILD REAL EVIL INK YOU LIAR

Kayla: THATS THE HIGHEST EVIL???

Me: Ok I can't argue with that actually

[ There's some more prattling about this, but I'll mainly leave you with this last thing. ]

Kayla: the us govt isnt its own fear?

Me: No that would be giving it too much credit

---

Well, needless to say, I can't say I'm a fan of Jo at this point. It's a bit frustrating, because it's very clear (to me anyways) that her characterization is the result of some annoying tropes. I can get behind the idea of her wanting to be like her father, and maybe being a bit reckless, but the treatment of her is just... idk. Really frustrating.

I probably would have been a lot more sympathetic if it weren't for that weird turn around at the end. I understand Helen seeing John in the brothers and having issues with that, but Jo? After surviving all that with them? I can understand feeling conflicted, but the way it was presented... hrgh. Irritating all around.

At least this episode had concrete truck. Keeping in theme with the TMA references, Adelard Deckard would be proud.

#on the highway to superhell #supernatural #spn #i want to like jo more but she annoys me so much urgh :( #do i tag this as tma as well

[myckicade]

I, uh...

Well, you might say I have some thoughts.

Okay, so, on the one hand, I'm slightly impressed. Certain sections of this episode made me think, "Dude! Where has this level of writing been for the last two seasons?!?" All the scenes at the Reyes house. EZ dumping his bike. Some of it felt really good. It watched well, even if it felt a little out of place with the rest of what we received.

On the other hand, I am disappointed as all hell, for several different reasons. The glaring issue being that I don't foresee a neat little wrap-up in just one episode. Come on. They really are suffering for the bullshit pacing during the rest of the season, and it shows. Ugh. I feel nitpicky for always complaining about that, but this is a clear-cut case of, "We could have had it all!"

Yeah. Anyway.

I'm also at a bit of a loss over Terry claiming the Mayans broke into their (I assume) clubhouse. (And, as an aside, they should really consider some new lighting, or a coat of paint in that bitch, something). Anyway. I understand protecting the girls. Sure. That's a great surface deed. But, not only is it coming back to bite him - and everyone else - in the ass, it's also a terrible watering-down of everything Letty and Hope went through in this series. We didn't hear a thing about Letty this week (unless I missed it), and, unless she delivers the kill shot on Isaac (which I highly doubt), what more is there for her? I love this girl. I wanted the best for her, and the pain they have put her through has been unnecessary, beyond furthering the war. I ask no forgiveness. That just pisses me right off.

I'm distraught about Elio. I really am. Further proof that EVERY MOTHER FUCKING THING EZ touches goes to shit. The looks on Bottles' and Guero's faces... The devastation done to the Broken Saints. Their animals. And all that punk-ass little bitch could worry about was the fucking pipeline?! It's all EZ's fucking fault, top to bottom. (I know the Broken Saints made a decision that came back to bite them, but I only have one more episode to blame El Presidente, okay?).

Which brings me to Felipe. OH, MY FUCKING HELL. I knew it was coming, that Papa Reyes would come under fire, but FUCK ME. Maverick, too?! That poor baby boy!! Like the poor kid doesn't already have enough stacked up against him. Cripes. I would like to hope Felipe is still alive, and that whoever is in that bag is one of the Sons. Felipe is a tough old man, and I'm sure he's been through worse in his younger years. And, yeah, keys words, right there: younger years. Let me hope, huh? I like the dude. But, if he really is gone, my heart can handle it, in that he died to protect his grandson. <3 .

*mutters to herself* No crying at work, Mycki. No crying at work.

I did appreciate seeing Wendy. Nero and the boys would have been awesome, but that's just asking for too much. (Tee-hees). She had some good advice, and I'm glad to find her doing so damned well. She's worked for it, and she's earned it.

But.

But.

After that (long-ass) chat, I'm expected to believe that EZ truly loves Sofia so much 'it hurts'?? *cackles* Gimme a damned break, here!! I don't like the broad, but I was hoping she'd at least have the good sense to pack up herself, and the pup, and get the frick away from Hurricane Ezekiel. (Which isn't fair, because the man is pretty much every single natural disaster mashed together in one mess of a human being). These two, though, are both a special kind of dumb, and they truly deserve one another. I just don't want anything to happen to the dog.

I don't. At all.

Since nothing much else happened this week, I'd like to take a moment to say, R.I.P. Les Packer. I'm sure you'll be seeing Little Brother again, shortly.

Finally, my heart is just going out to Angel, yet again. Damn, this poor guy. He's built up some bad karma, sure, but he's steadily lost over the years, too. It just keeps happening, and it's because of his brother. He tried to warn him. Tried to pull him in the right direction. Now, their family has come under fire. AGAIN. His kid, for the second time this season. I hope to hell that he gets out. That he gets out, and far, far away from Santo Padre, and from the Mayans, and from all the bullshit he just doesn't need, anymore. To keep Maverick away from all the haunts and dangers of their family. (Ideally, if the old man is still alive, I'd like him to go along with). I know I've said it before, that Angel has become the Jax of this series, and I still feel that way. At least, in halves. EZ is the Jax that make stupid decisions, and Angel is the Jax that the consequences all come to call on. I just want Angel to be able to be a good father for his kid.

Oh, yeah. Where the hell was everyone else, all of a sudden? Penultimate episode, and suddenly nobody else's bullshit storylines matter? My word!

Until the finale, Y'all! -Mycki

#Mayans #Mayans MC #Mayans M.C. #Mayans M.C. Spoilers #Mayans MC Spoilers #Mayans Spoilers

[owl-with-a-pen]

so I read your take on Jesse's pitch with evil Brainy replacing our Brainy and seeming to kill Nia (loved the fic, by the way) and now I'm wondering, would Winn still come back to the 21st century in this universe? Would evil Brainy work with the alternate Winn, separately from Lex? Also, how would the evil Brainy interact with Kara and Alex? What do you think his relationships with the rest of the super-friends were on his Earth? (sorry this is a lot of questions, this AU is so interesting)

First of all, thank you, I'm glad you liked the fic! 😁

This is a real difficult one, because when I imagine this canon-divergence, it pretty much means that I'm deleting every subsequent episode in the season after the Bottle Episode, so I didn't really think about the potential of Winn meeting the evil Brainy.

~*~UNTIL NOW~*~

Considering how those episodes played out in canon and how everyone was carrying the expectation that Brainy would be different anyway because of the inhibitors, it would be very easy for the evil!Brainy to slip into prime!Brainy's role in a similar fashion. The dilemma here, of course, is that the main thing that drives this divergent universe forward is that Nia has just been killed and so the story from that point onward revolves around that.

It would be kind of cool though if Winn did still travel back to the present just after Nia's murder and became involved in the investigation to figure out who did it. We know in the main universe he figures out Brainy's hiding something when he sees him react to Nia putting herself in danger and so I wonder if it would be similar but also sorta reversed here. Winn notices that Brainy isn't acting the way he'd expect from someone who just lost the love of his life. Maybe the others don't want to touch upon it because they think that it has something to do with his inhibitors being so freshly removed, but Winn sees through all that. Maybe evil!Brainy tries to break into Winn's ship to steal something that might help free his planet and that leads to him being busted and ultimately stopped for good. If that was case, I like to think Winn would be the one to interrogate the evil!Brainy to figure out where Brainy is and then, realising Brainy never made it out of the Fortress, he notifies Alex, J'onn and Kara immediately.

I've played around with this evil variant of Brainy before in my fics, usually to give him some form of redemption. That's because my headcanon for him - and continues to be in this canon divergent universe - is that he is likely the closest match to the prime!Brainy out of all the variants that we meet. What I mean by this is that the evil!Brainy has only recently removed his inhibitors as well.

There's this insanely unhinged quality to the evil!Brainy that I really like and it's all centred in his inability to control his own emotional range. Imagine being in a position where you remove these things from your forehead that have been limiting your emotional and intellectual capacity since you were a child - you're incredibly emotionally vulnerable, the weight of every little thing makes you want to laugh or cry or scream and then... Crisis happens. In the blink of an eye, your whole world is gone. All yours friend, your family. You'd do anything to get them back and that's what evil!Brainy does. He doesn't see killing as a morally wrong thing because he's so overwrought with emotion that he only cares about what he can do to feel good again. He becomes so warped and twisted by this that he doesn't even stop to think how the people in his bottled world might react to everything he's done.

I tried to throw in that emotional weight he was carrying by the way he teared up when he killed Nia and how he tries to process what he's done while she's bleeding out in front of him. It's almost like the aligned version of Brainy from the dark!universe, the one who couldn't quite match his feelings to his actions. Evil!Brainy is out of synch in a similar way, but he's also entirely capable of experiencing the full capacity of his emotions with no filter, only release.

I think Alex would be very cold to this evil!Brainy and she wouldn't in any way want to affiliate herself with him or try to see things from his perspective. In her eyes, he hurt her Brainy, he killed Nia. There's no coming back from that. And Kara... I think that a part of her would feel sorry for him. Even though she wishes she didn't, she can't help it, because a part of this Brainy is far too similar to their Brainy, and she doesn't even know how right she is about that yet.

Think about it, the evil!Brainy has killed multiple versions of himself before, so why would he keep prime!Brainy alive? Maybe because he wants him to feel the exact same level of suffering that he did when he lost his family, his world. Because Nia is Brainy's world. In the comics, when Brainy loses Nura he goes to a very dark place to try and save her and I really want to play with that in this canon divergent universe. How close is prime!Brainy, really, to the evil!Brainy, what lengths would he go to to bring Nia back? I think, ultimately, that's what the evil!Brainy was hoping for. To make him just as bad or even worse to justify his own decisions.

But Nia isn't completely gone, so his plan doesn't exactly work out. Nia will be visible to Brainy - only to Brainy - which might make everyone else incredibly worried that he's losing his mind or, worse, travelling dangerously close to his evil!counterpart's mindset, but so long as Brainy can see and interact with Nia, all hope isn't lost. Even if it's hanging by just a thread.

(Oh boy this went off on a tangent, I hope it answered some of your questions.. and maybe some others you didn't ask for too 😅)

#supergirl #brainia #brainiac 5 #nia nal #the bottle episode #winn schott jr #my asks #not writing #anon #thank you for indulging me anon i wanted to get these thoughts out 😂

[wollybunny]

I think what the writers wanted to do in Episode nr.14 of EAW is to make WYW's character grow, relationship-wise but not only.

In the sense that, after her dad's flashback (the one in which he tried to make her acknowledge that he was suffering both literally after stepping onto a Lego piece and because of feeling lonely), after the repeated times in which Jun-Ho told her that she was hurting him because she seems not to acknowledge the fact that they are no more only getting to know each other, but actually dating (and let's not forget this is the first romance to her!) while she seems not willing to join the conversation both times, this time she is the one facing the break-up situation and suffering because of the decision she made (which is a wrong decision IMO lol).

hello anon!! (are you the same anon from earlier? :P)

yes, i concur with you that we do see a lot of Youngwoo's growth especially throughout these two episodes. they may not always be growth in the 'right' direction so to speak, but it's her exploring the world and the people around her. like what Eunbin mentioned in one of her EAW interviews, she personally doesn't think that love (read: romantic relationships, I think) is a vital aspect of life, but she believes that for Youngwoo, however, it is. and I guess that's what we're seeing so far -- her navigating this romantic relationship with Junho has shown us a glimpse of her inner thoughts (though that's something I would still like to see more of haha), as well as the impact others have on her decisions (a great deal, judging from her decision to break up).

with regards to the parallels drawn between her choosing to separate from Junho and what her appa said (about feelings of loneliness), or even, like what you mentioned, how Junho has been feeling (his multiple 'seop seop' incidents hahaha) -- I had somewhat similar thoughts. during her phone call with her appa in ep 14, my mind drifted back to that conversation about the lego block too. she seems to be internalising everything people say and bottling them all inside, and then it manifests in the choices she makes.

I'm thinking that she's overwhelmed in a pile of conflict now. judging from previous situations, her defence mechanism seems to be retreating and hiding; vs more ideally, communicating openly -- something she will need to learn from sheer experience, I guess. and honestly, I think this is what Eunbin was referring to -- that this exact process of figuring things out for Youngwoo herself is vital in her growth as a person, as a friend, as a daughter, and as a lover.

agree too that this is her first romantic relationship -- and let's be real here, I think any of us could have made the same decisions as she did, if faced with the same circumstances. so taking everything into account, I think she's doing quite well, though we might question some of her choices (like breaking up).

keeping in mind too that we're viewing the drama from a 3rd party perspective, it's really easy for us to say 'Youngwoo should have done this and that'.

anyway, pardon this long answer, and sorry if it is super incoherent haha. would love to engage in more discussions / talk about dramas if anyone would like, too :)

#eaw #extraordinary attorney woo #anon #asks #kdrama #kdrama thoughts #myramblings

[marinersubmariner]

Obi-Wan finale + series thoughts

After what has been a mixed bag overall, I liked the finale a lot and it made me super emotional. I think this is the first time I’ve shed tears over any of the live-action shows, but then this was also the most relevant to the high emotion of the saga. I thought the way the Obi-Wan-Anakin-Reva-Leia-Luke threads all tied together and echoed each other was really nicely done. I loved the cathartic end notes for Obi-Wan getting to a better emotional place, moving out of the cave literally and metaphorically, FINALLY SEEING QUI-GON!!!!!!!!!!!! So so so so many ROTS feelings came flooding back.

I was, however, hoping to see him go house hunting on Tatooine. :(

At the beginning of the season I was incredibly wary of the Leia reveal and those first couple episodes took a lot of adjustment because things started off very hokey (the initial precociousness was... a lot), but actually she ended up being great?!?! She was so cute and funny and the emotional stuff with Obi-Wan was genuinely touching, I’m really surprised by how well she ended up working for me. Even Lola grew on me, because early on I thought she was way too much of an overdesigned cute toy (how many ways can we design a cute droid companion!! smaller! cuter! smalllerrrrr cuuuuutttteeeerrrrr) but by the end I found her to be a reasonably endearing presence, especially when Leia snuck her into Obi-Wan’s possession. ;__;

The whole “Ben and Leia” angle was very unexpected and I liked it a lot, but given what my particular fixations are even this long after TROS, it uh. hurts bad. I mean, I’m at least glad to have Ben Solo’s existence acknowledged even in an oblique way, so I guess that’s something. But every tender moment between Leia and Obi-Wan that underlines why she named her son Ben is also another painful reminder that Leia was never reunited with him and they both died within hours of each other. It’s a weird message when you think this all through to its conclusion, that any beacon of hope or love will only be wrenched away, and Leia will die having lost everyone she ever loved.

Star Wars is fun

The actual experience of hearing the name Ben so much after I’ve spent all this time fixated on the other Ben really was jarring, especially when every instance of that name being spoken in the sequels was such a big dramatic moment. There’s so much other significance tied up in it now, and its prominence here at this point in time just makes it even more baffling that Ben Solo was so unceremoniously discarded. Having Leia in this series only adds to the narrative/generational importance of Ben as a character... after they already ended it in a way that made him not matter at all, that literally erased him from the story and from his family. IT’S SO WEIRD.

They end this on the whole “children are our future uwu” note because that’s what Leia and Luke are to the post-prequel era... but in the context of the whole saga, Vader’s existence still poisons Leia’s relationship with her son and destroys them both. 🙃 There is no sense of hope or open-ended future attached to Leia’s child the way there was to Anakin’s children, so now the more they dwell on the generational story the bleaker and more punishing it gets.

UGH. ANYWAY

This one is a relatively minor complaint but I was disappointed with the Breha recast. I’m so used to picturing her as we saw her in ROTS, which is part of it, but also even with as little as we saw of her here they made her kind of a stereotypical eye-rolling mom type which is... not how I’ve always thought of Breha. So that was annoying. It wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t great.

Alderaan though!!!!! And Alderaan FASHION, yeah boyeeee

Speaking of fashion, I loved all the exile Jedi looks Obi-Wan was modeling. The first blue shirt + brown cloak was *chef kiss* something I want to steal for Ben Solo, and I especially loved his last outfit (goggles!!)

REVA!!!!!!! Omg sympathetic villain repents and lives omg, popping the biggest bottles!!! (and pouring one out for Trilla and Ben, always. there are so many parallels between all three of them that it does sting that it took this long for someone in their mold to actually survive. THEY ALL EVEN GOT STABBED IN THE SAME WAY. Reva just straight-up fine after being impaled... wild.) I really liked how her final scene with Obi-Wan looked and felt so much like the final Obi-Wan and Maul confrontation in Rebels.

I feel like Vader getting his mask chopped open was a pretty common/obvious prediction (and also happened in Rebels! so much that happened in this show has already happened in other media, lol) but it still fucked me up. I LOVED the weird vocal mix shifting and distorting between Anakin’s voice and Vader’s voice, the light changing throughout the scene until he was only lit by the red from his saber (like Kylo on Starkiller Base..........), the actual dialogue itself. I am such a fan of the way darksiders are positioned as having killed their former self, the way they dissociate and have to destroy their own identity to become something else, “You didn’t kill Anakin Skywalker. I did,” “He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him,” the dehumanization and masking and self-annihilation, the fact that Reva ultimately couldn’t do it.

And technically it all stems from retconning “He betrayed and murdered your father.” 😂

I liked how weak and pathetic Obi-Wan’s lightsaber and Force skills were earlier on, so I’m a little bummed they had him level up quite so much in the finale. Like, we’ve already seen Obi-Wan at his peak, that’s not what this is or should be. But I guess they had to have Obi-Wan and Vader fight again in order to get them to talk again. :/ Oh well, the lightsabering WAS cool and the ROTS tragic dialogue 2.0 WAS effective.

OBI-WAN CALLING HIM DARTH 😭😭😭😭

The indignity of Vader getting defeated and Obi-Wan just leaving FOR A SECOND TIME... and it’s still gonna happen AGAIN! Honestly it’s tragic but it’s also extremely funny that Obi-Wan has punked him so many times. I love how Anakin keeps trying to deny Obi-Wan having any power over him even though it clearly eats away at him and he can’t stop wanting the last word and the upper hand and Obi-Wan still keeps beating him. You didn’t kill Anakin, I killed Anakin! You can’t fire me, I quit! Desperately grabbing for control that keeps slipping away the tighter he clings to it. WHAT A MESS

Owen and Beru!!!!!!! Funnily enough one of the things that annoyed me so much about Boba Fett was that it unnecessarily burned us out on Tatooine right before the show that HAS to be set on Tatooine. And then Obi-Wan mostly wasn’t set on Tatooine! Which would have been fine, except that... well... a) I want sad desert hermit, and b) one of the things I was holding onto as a consolation was that I was looking forward to seeing more of Owen and Beru... and then it didn’t happen....... But I really did enjoy the glimpses of them we got here, I wish there had been more. Joel Edgerton in particular has a really good “harsh but fair” quality to his Owen that I like a lot.

Part of me liked the T-16 toy because of Obi-Wan being a nice cool uncle but a bigger part of me hates the easter egging and overexplaining the origin of everything we’ve ever seen. You didn’t need to tell us where the toy came from. Luke can just be a fucking nerd who builds models.

Grand Inquisitor sucked. Some of the cartoon characters are kind of exciting to see in live-action, but some of them do noooooot work, and this idiot is top of the list. The melding of the cartoon universe with the live-action universe always feels off to me, because as much as I enjoy TCW and Rebels they remain very separate from the movies in my mind.

I still feel like these shows do not look as good as they should. Which is strange because I thought season 1 of The Mandalorian looked GREAT, like I genuinely thought a lot of it was prettier than TROS. But it seems like the production values have steadily declined since then, and I don’t know if that’s the pandemic or overreliance on the Volume or budget or what, but so much of the lighting is flat and dark, the sets are bland, things look cheap and fake... this show wasn’t quite as bad as Boba Fett, but it’s weird. I know we’re too accustomed to what Star Wars looks like on a feature film budget and tv doesn’t have that, but also... doesn’t Disney have infinite money? I know they’re putting effort into this! I know people can make nice-looking tv shows on smaller budgets! I don’t understand why it’s so underwhelming.

I do, however, like that they did a LOT of lightsabers in the dark. >:) 17-year-old me is going bananas. We’ve reached a point where we get so much lightsaber lighting that it’s losing its novelty! Absolutely bonkers

I very much enjoyed Fortress Inquisitorius because UNDERWATER STUFF!!! Visually I thought that episode was the nicest to look at and I liked the ~vibes~, but of course I’m an easy mark when it comes to oceans and overcast skies. And I don’t mind them repeating things from Fallen Order because I love Fallen Order. :)

I think the part of the series that sticks out most in my mind is the conversations between Leia and Obi-Wan in episode 3. “How does it feel when you turn on the light?” “I feel safe.” “Yes, it feels like that.” was so understated and so beautiful in its simplicity, it was maybe the best part of this entire thing. And then on the truck, Obi-Wan telling her about his recollections of his family and the part where he says “Then I joined the Jedi and I got a new family just like you.” was so lovely. The gentle sadness about the families they never knew but reaffirming the importance of their adoptive families, it really got me good.

On the whole it was so nice to be reminded of how much I love Ewan as Obi-Wan. He’s still so good!!!!!! He’s good at being badass, at being funny and charming, at being heartbreaking… he’s just the best. Although there’s also a bit of detached nostalgia to it, because for years he was without a doubt my most intense and enduring actor crush (I kept a paper checklist of his movies to watch! I hunted down airings on cable and recorded them! I listened to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack over and over and his beautiful voice made me cry! I bought A Life Less Ordinary on VHS!) but, as with all actor crushes, it did eventually fade. But... also... he IS still hot.........

Another reason it’s refreshing to see Ewan again is because I find animated Clone Wars Obi-Wan to be mildly irritating. 😬 James Arnold Taylor does a passable vocal impersonation but there’s a level of smugness to his tone that I don’t enjoy, and I’ve never liked the CG Clone Wars character designs or outfits. I don’t know, it’s hard to pinpoint what it is exactly, just the general impression kind of rubs me the wrong way. I’ve always felt a distance from animated Obi-Wan that I’ve never felt with his live-action version, so it’s just really nice to see the real thing and feel that connection to the character again.

The particularities of the way I engage with Star Wars make this kind of an odd experience in that I have always been first and foremost a gen fan spending my time with other gen fans, and even up to as recently as the years after TLJ I never really engaged with or enjoyed the shipping/fanfic side of fandom (canon was always enough for me... before the dark times.........). So there’s this strange disconnect in the type of Obi-Wan fandom that I see now versus the way that I experienced my own Obi-Wan fandom during the prequel years. The main thing is that I don’t ship him with anyone and I never have and I never will. The entire appeal is him being FOREVER ALONE, so romance-centric fandom has nothing to offer me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Plus the older I get the less tolerance I have for certain overwrought meta commentary and histrionics and parroted buzzwords, so while it’s fun to see current fandom activity it gets so annoying so quickly. Well anyway, it’s bedtime at the nursing home, gotta go

In summary: no, the show didn’t feel particularly necessary or enlightening, it didn’t live up to my years of imagining Ben Kenobi’s sad desert exile... but it still did some things I liked and hit some nice emotional beats. Which is pretty good for all the disappointment and annoyance that the post-sequels Disney+ SW era has entailed so far. FAINT PRAISE, I know. I love Star Wars. Love to complain about it. :)

#star wars #obi-wan kenobi #sw meta #in the spirit of the prequel era here is a livejournal post

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here bestie, here to provide an unsurprising episode review. Was the so-called plot an eye-rolling mess full of holes and incomprehensible choices?? Obviously. Is it worth it to watch Malex together and somehow managing go shine bright in this absolute shitshow? Absolutely. It helps there's no M*ria and even though it's annoying af to have everyone sing her praises at least it was done in a group, not when Malex was alone. So cheers friend, enjoy the Malex parts and ignore the rest 🍷.

Well. My "perfect plan" of having to go in to the office for a meeting and swinging by the store on the way home to pick up some mixed drinks in an effort to stop clutching a bottle of vodka and taking swigs as I watch, was shuffled when my meeting got moved from before lunch to after, and then semi-scrapped when my meeting got cancelled and I didn't have to leave the house at all. Except that I still needed other non-alcohol related things from the store but since I wasn't out already it ended up being a whole thing, and then I had some stuff come up this evening so my plans to pop the cheap bubbly I got for the proposal ended up fully scrapped when it was after 10 pm and I hadn't even started the episode yet. So it's going to be tomorrow before I get to it 😒

I did read through the spoilertv review which I'll post after I watch but whooo boy was it a doozy and as spot on as ever. I'm hoping that the rest of it is so incomprehensible I don't feel the need to live blog so much so it doesn't take as long to watch and I can just scream about Malex. However unearned by the writing any of their scenes might be, you can't deny that the Vlamburn chemistry is just as magical as ever, Tyler is looking gooooood 🥵🥵🥵, and Malex is still somehow, despite all the writing flaws, magical. At least I have that to look forward too and while I haven't looked too closely, I know the gifmakers in this fandom have been working overtime to free Malex from that blue filter from hell!

Plus we have our second blessedly free from m*ria episode (though ask me how I feel about Vlamis and/or Tyler not getting to do the interviews about their big moment and instead having HH talk all about it like we care what anyone but Vlamburn have to say about their reunion and engagement, especially her after the things she's said 🙄), though of course we couldn't have it without Malex taking time to prop her up once more.

Mostly I'm just mad that we didn't get a whole season of Michael searching for Alex so we could cry about West, or had an actual plot about Michael going to Oasis that made sense and included him talking to Alex about it, so we could cry about Countdowns. At least it looks like we'll get to talk about Dear True Love and Next To Me at some point! (again, because I think we've done both of them already. I know we did Next to Me after I posted my fic, and I'm sure we had to talk about Dear True Love at some point) And if we get really lucky and get a handprint healing I'm sure we will get to talk about something like Sorrow or Saturn.

Anyway! Two more episodes to go until the story is freed from these writers clutches!

#my sweet nonnie friends #sleeping at last anon #roswell nm #roswell spoilers #roswell nm my behated #malex #anti maria delcua #anti hh

[ajoytobeheld]

Love, peace, and harmony, or: how I fell in love with The Courteeners

March 26th, 2009

Two years ago, it seemed I bumbled around interviews talking about how much I hated specific bands. It’s not that I like those bands now, I just realise how stupid a topic of conversation it is. It wasn’t entirely my fault. A lot of music journalists (primarily in the UK) very much saw LC! as fitting a gap they had, and so a lot of interviews we did were primarily intended to get us to talk about how British music was in a rut, ‘lad rock’ sucked and how nobody else ‘got it’ like we did. I guess we found it edgy and exciting at the time, to be seen (even by just a few) as being renegades, but now it’s mostly a little embarrassing.

Last night I went to see Morrissey play at Webster Hall. The Courteeners opened up. The Courteeners rose to prominence (?) in the summer of 2007 I think. We were in the US for that time, and when we got back from the UK and I saw some magazine with them on the cover (NME, maybe?), I had no idea who they were. I felt like my Grampy.

I stood on the balcony, watching their set, right next to their parents. After every song, a gent who I think was probably the singer’s father, wooped “come on Liam! Give it to ‘em”. Exactly like my dad does when he watches us play (sometimes my Dad calls me Liam). And the mothers danced and clapped along out of time. And smiles didn’t leave their faces the whole half an hour (The crowd’s reaction to the band was indifferent. It was always going to be though, because Morrissey fans don’t want to see anybody but Morrissey, do they?). The parents looked so proud. And that feeling of being thousands of miles from home, watching your sons play their songs in front of a couple of thousand people in New York City, cannot and will not be beaten, I’d imagine. And the feeling of seeing your parents that proud is pretty rad too. So yeh, I’m making even more of an effort not to slag bands any more. Because we are all our parents’ children, or something, and it’s fucking boring, and it’s much more productive to talk about the positives, anyway. RIGHT BLOGGERS!?

ANYWAYS, MOZ.

Was good. Here are some notes:

$9 for a bottle of beer is fucking disgusting Webster Hall. As if a $75 ticket wasn’t insult enough.

Opening with ‘This Charming Man’. Can’t remember being overcome by such uncontrollable smiles in a long time.

Morrissey’s band is amazing. The five of them were never completely overshadowed by Moz. Surges to the front of the stage, rockstar poses, balancing guitars on their heads. It was a SHOW!!

I watched an episode of Home Movies on my iPod whilst waiting for the music to start. It was the Pizza Club one. Really good episode.

Idiot man at the bar: “what is this spoken word stuff playing? Who put this on?”. MORRISSEY PUT IT ON, YOU R-TARD!

Morrissey: I think you should wear a belt. Middle aged men in light denim without a belt just makes me think of Clarkson.

Might get quiff.

One of the worst practices in the music biz: making support bands price match the headlining band’s merch. Come on guys.

Morrissey has a PETA stall traveling on tour with him. This is the coolest thing I have ever seen Moz, well done. But when are you gonna go vegan? [citation needed]

Watching people try to get onstage to touch Morrissey is the closest thing to religion I have ever experienced. I’m gonna try to touch Morrissey when we play at Coachella.

At the back of the balcony, too far away to see, girls ballroom style danced, together. Amazing.

Here’s a clip of Moz playing ‘How Soon Is Now’. It’s only about 60 seconds long, because it suddenly dawned on me:

“I am at a Morrissey concert, and I’m taking a really shit quality video, watching the song through an inch square screen, so I can put it on my blog, what the fuck am I doing, LOOK WHAT I’VE BECOME!! I am here alone, this song is SO TOTALLY ABOUT ME!! Work with it.“.

#2009 #lc!blog

[tokyotowerboy]

Closure and Vindication

Today brought up events I’m glad to say I don’t really think on much anymore. While it was painful to speak on again, I got a lot of closure out of it. I figured it was worth sharing here, as some of my followers were there for the shitshow that was the fall of 2015.  If you weren’t, however, the gist is that I made a friend via a sub-unit student org my freshman year. We became tumblr mutuals and, at their* suggestion, roommates for our sophomore year. They lovebombed me, but I was vulnerable and unaware of the red flags being presented. Once we began living together, they became very controlling and would sui/sh bait me when I would make plans with others or even when I would be headed to class. They would frequently express sexual/romantic interest in me and would pressure me into sharing intimate details of my love life. I constantly felt I needed to treat them with upmost care, as one bad thing in their day would turn into my fault. One day everything I’d been bottling up burst out and I yelled at them. They left screaming and after  several manipulative texts and false wellness reports sent to my door, they moved out. At this point they began a slander campaign against me, most aggregusly going to parties and saying everything from stories of things they did to me but with our roles swapped, to personal things I shared about past trauma, to sexual things. I was left afraid, isolated from the one friend group I had, and barred from the sub-unit of our shared student org - the only place I’d ever felt I’d really belonged in college.

Of course, I’m not innocent. I was a terrible roommate (in normal roommate ways: forgetting to do chores, multiple alarm clocks, the usual). I was horrible at communicating and often was passive aggressive. On rare occasion, I even lashed out verbally. And though I always apologized quickly after, that does not absolve me of my actions. I was immature and I’ll own that. But it took years of therapy for me to learn that while what I did was wrong, it did not make me deserve what was done to me. I’ve also learned that they likely needed a lot of help, and while that doesn’t mean they deserve forgiveness, it has helped me begin to heal and let go of some of my resentment. Some. I mean, I’m still pissed, and I mourn the time and ability to live my life life this trauma took from me, but getting triggered by their appearance into a dissociate flashback episode while crossing a busy street lead to me getting diagnosed with cPTSD! And I’ve made so, so much progress since.  Anyways, to the point

I now work with this student org in a professional capacity, and at one point I expressed how I’d wished I had come forward with what was going on then. I was then asked to clarify (and then today asked to provide this same context to leader of the sub-unit). They were absolutely shocked. It turns out that they had been under the impression that it was a normal falling out between friends, and as such both of us would have been barred from sub-unit: both to prevent fighting if both were in or to not pick favorites if only one was allowed back in. Remorse was expressed that I hadn’t come to them, as it turns out if they knew then what was going on, they would have expelled the individual from the student org. 

It sucks that I’ll never get that time back... woulda shoulda coulda and all that... yet I feel... more at peace with things now than ever before. TBH I can’t even understand why. I think it’s like... like I know now that they have no more power. They can’t hurt me anymore. TBH I doubt they could have done anything more to me anyways, but this was the last untied end. I’d removed most thoughts of them from my life once I’d put all my feelings into the song I’d released and told myself that was the end. Then I moved back and was given an amazing job that lead to me working with the student-org... which brought up the memories. But now the air is cleared with them and I think the book can finally, finally close.  And to my former roommate, where ever you are: I am sorry for my failings. I really, truly am. I hope you are supported and have received any help you needed. Sometimes I do feel anger bubble up within, but I’m trying to not hold ill will against you. In fact, I wish you a happy life. That being said, I hope our paths never cross again. Farewell. 

... * A once mutual friend who, at the time, sided with the ex-roommate approached me about a year or two ago telling me they were no longer in contact with ex-roommate and were sorry they never let me tell my side.. At this time I was informed that the ex-roommate was going by they/them. I have not confirmed this nor do I have any desire to know anything about their current life, but I wouldn’t want to misgender anyone, regardless of our past history. 

#bridgebunny #nobunny cares #vaguepost sorta but no one that follows me #star mumbles #vent #sorta negative #but also kinda posiitive #bridgebunny was my old url from the time for context for followers that may not realize I'm that person #also putting my old talk tag to let this be closure for it too

[johnny-and-dora]

BOTTLE EPISODE!!!!!

#mythic quest #megan ganz wrote cooperative calligraphy so of course it was always going to be great #and goddamn mq really is getting so good at that juicy balance of comedy and drama #both the brad & jo stuff and the ian & poppy stuff this episode was GREAT and has been set up really well #brad ‘i filled in the test randomly’ baskhi definitely actually got mouse btw i’m certain of it #anyway i love bottle episodes and i think it was REALLY well done here all the plot lines of s2 are coming together v nicely #i am consistently suprised bu how good this show is at more dramatic moments it’s so goddamn compelling #shut up sian #can you tell that i have no-one to talk about mq with irl lol #mythic quest season 2 episode 5: the gang gets fursonas