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anemonenemerosa · 4 years

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Oops sorry!! I just assumed with oknutzy! Maybe 17 for Wolfstar 🥰

No worries, anon! Since your request was already written by @mooncat457writing (read it, it’s sooo good) and no other prompt of the list was simliar, I thought of a new one and wrote something for you. I hope you ike it!

"The door fell shut behind me while getting the mail. Now I'm stuck outside on a windy October day"

The bright side of locking yourself out

It was 1 pm when the insistent ringing of the doorbell jerked Sirius out of his dreams. He grumbled for a few moments before his brain caught up and reminded him that he'd ordered a replacement for the broken gear-belt of his motorcycle. And Sirius really needed to get the bike repaired 'cause taking the tube to and from work was just the worst. So, he jumped out of bed and raced to the door of the building – there's no way he's missing the mailperson! Tough luck, Sirius was just in time to see the backlights of the delivery-truck disappear behind a corner.

"God, damnit!" He cursed loudly, mentally just warming up for a full-on rant when a particularly forceful wind-gust shoved half a ton of leaves in Sirius' face and caused an unfortunate bang behind his back.

No. Please no. Slowly, as if keeping off looking might undo what the dreadful noise promised, Sirius turned around, finally staring at the firmly closed door. It is just now that he realised that he's not only stuck outside on a rather unpleasant mid-October day, no, he's stuck outside barefoot, only wearing his pyjama bottoms and a worn shirt. No phone, no keys. It began to rain, no umbrella. What. A. Day.

Just two months ago, Sirius still lived with James and that wouldn't have been much of a problem. Back in the day, James was still writing his final assignment for his degree and stayed at home all the time.But since he graduated, found himself a paying job and moved in with Lily, Sirius lives alone for the very first time in his 25 years on this planet. And while he loved Lily dearly, Sirius couldn't always stop himself from feeling a bit abandoned and lonely, which was ridiculous, of course. Since they got together, James and Lily never let any doubt creep in that Sirius was anything but loved and treasured by both of them.

But the sentiment was of no use just then. In that moment, he needed to find a pragmatic solution. What does one do, trapped outside with no phone, no keys and no shoes? Sirius sighed in resignation. One does walk to the next cafe, beg them to use their phone without coming off as a complete nutter and call James to rescue him.

About five steps from the door, Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, quest forgotten. Walking right up to him was his neighbour from upstairs, the most intriguing person Sirius has ever met, or almost met, seen that they had never talked before.

The guy seemed very unassuming the few times he saw him in the stairway with his knit sweaters and washed out jeans. He was very quiet in the mornings as if he unknowingly considered that Sirius, as a bartender, worked during the nights and really needed his mornings to sleep. During the afternoon however, enjoyable music wafted down through Sirius' open windows together with the delicious smell of freshly cooked food.

The neighbour -Lupin, it said on the mailbox- stared at Sirius with wide eyes for a moment before he stepped closer, holding his umbrella over both of them.

"Erm." The other man said instead of greeting him.

"Please don't ask." Sirius implored him, completely done with this day already. But then again, Lupin had a nice voice.

"Right", Lupin laughed, "You live in the basement, right? Black? I'm going to ask anyway... aren't you cold?"

Not what Sirius expected to be asked. Naturally, his response was eloquent, he was absolutely not caught off guard, "Uhh -yeah, I live here. And- and I'm cold... but I thought you were-"

"-going to ask why you are out here?" Lupin laughed again, a really nice sound, "You clearly locked yourself out. No one goes around in the rain in October like this. Want to come in to mine? Dry off and call someone?"

With that he looked pointedly at Sirius, who took the glance as a clue to have a look at himself. So, summed up, he was drenched, with dirty feet and unkempt hair. Not the first impression he wanted to make on his neighbour. He's a proper adult now. Anyhow, this was by far his best option "That would actually safe my day."

Without another word, Sirius was led upstairs, offered a warm shower and some soft clothes, which were a bit too big for him (Lupin was at least half a head taller than himself). Clean and dry, Sirius sits in Lupin's little kitchen for his next task: calling James, who couldn't leave work for another three hours, meant that Sirius either waited for another four hours or paid 600 pounds for key-service to open his door, which he found out in the next call. He got a string of curses off his chest and was met with an astounded look of Lupin, who had poked his head though the door. Today, Sirius was impressively good at presenting himself at his worst.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, not looking at his generous neighbour.

"Nah it's fine." Said one just shrugged, "What did your friend say?"

"Another four hours or 600 pounds." Sirius supplied, feeling a little miserable.

"Oh, unfortunate. Do you want to wait here? I have some work to do but you can hang out if you want."

"No, thank you. That would be too much" It really would.

"No. Really, it's no bother. I wouldn't offer if it wasn't alright." Lupin waved him off, "I'm Remus, by the way. And before you ask: Yes, Remus like in the Roman mythology"

"Nice to officially meet you, Remus, like in the Roman mythology." Sirius bowed mockingly, "I'm Sirius, and before you ask, yes, like the star and yes, I've probably heard all of the serious-jokes in existence by now."

With introductions out of the way, Sirius was sat on the big and comfortable couch in the living room with a nice cup of milky tea. He had no idea what to do now and felt a bit awkward, but his neighbour seemed unbothered by his surprise-guest.

"Sorry to be such a bad host but I have a bit work to do, I didn't get to do last night. If you like, feel free to take whatever book sparks your interest from the shelves." Remus apologised and put on some quiet music over his phone while settling in a cosy armchair across the couch with a stack of papers on his lap. It was only then, that Sirius realised how good-looking Remus was. His hair, light brown, wavy and a bit shaggy was falling slightly into his bright hazel eyes, focused on the papers in front of him. Suddenly, Remus huffed, scrunched up his slightly crooked nose (dusted with freckles that spread over his cheekbones) and lifted his left hand to his thin-lipped mouth to gnaw at his thumbnail.

"Displeasing literature?" Sirius heard himself asking before he could check the question in his mind for stupidity.

"You have no idea." the other man grumbled, "That one actually wrote that the inhabitants of Egypt are the mummies!"

Sirius couldn't help but bark a laugh at the affronted tone of Remus' voice,

"So, you're teaching history?"

"Yeah." Remus sighed and plucked a red pen from the little table beside him and began vigorously scribbling onto the paper.

The conversation felt to be over for now as Sirius' host seemed, indeed, quite busy. So, Sirius took up the offer to have a look at the bookshelves lining three walls of the room. The carped felt warm and soft under his bare feet while he strolled along the shelves. Quickly he recognised several of his favourites among the countless books and when his eye caught on The Little Prince, he couldn't resist to take it with him back to the couch.

When he was settled again, Remus looked up to see what Sirius had picked and smiled around a soft hum "I've read so many books and this is still one of my favourites."

Sirius couldn't help but smile back. "Mine, too."

From then on, they sat in a far more comfortable silence than before, both engulfed in their literature. Now and then, Remus huffed or snorted and shared some of the more entertaining mishaps of his students. It felt like they've been spending their afternoons together like this for years. Sirius was simultaneously at peace and properly creeped out.

After a while. Remus got up and returned with a fresh cup of tea for both of them. Steeped for exactly long enough, with the perfect amount of milk in it.

"It's wild that I've been living here for a little over two months and we barely even saw each other, isn't it?" Sirius commented, cradling his new cup in his hands while Remus got once again comfortable in his armchair.

"No, not really." The other man supplied with a slightly sad smile, "See, I teach evening classes from around 7 pm to midnight, get home around 1 am and because I'm an absolute night owl, I usually do my grading and preparations right after until 4 or 5 and then sleep 'till noon. And while I thrive in my rhythm, it's a bit hard to meet, or just come across, people... or get to go out for breakfast. It's silly but I love breakfast and until I get up, most places have switched to the lunch-menu already."

What are the chances. "And here I thought that you were so quiet in the mornings because you are psychic and just know that I sleep during that time." Sirius couldn't help the chuckle bubbling up his throat at the puzzled expression of the man across him. "I'm a bartender and work from 8 to 3 in the morning during the week and until 5 on Fridays and Saturdays." He elaborated, "after that I'm often too riled up to go directly to sleep, so I often go to bed around 6 and sleep until 1."

Remus just stared at him. "Our schedules are nearly identical."

Sirius opened his mouth to reply when the sound of the doorbell interrupted them. Remus got up to open the door to a hurried James, who handed Sirius the spare-keys, kissed his cheek and stormed off again.

"So, this was James. Is he your boyfriend, then?" The cosy atmosphere dissolved with the appearance of a wary look on Remus' face.

"Nah. He is my best friend, practically brother. I know, kissing is rather uncommon between two male friends, but we've been doing that since we met fourteen years ago, and I don't give a shit about convention." Sirius explained with a fond smile on his face.

After that, they parted rather quickly as both men needed to get ready for work, but a lot still lingered in the air, unsaid. His shift went over much too slow for Sirius while he brooded over the change in the atmosphere at the end of his stay with his neighbour.

The next day, Sirius woke up with a plan. A potentially humiliating plan, but worth the risk. He got up much quicker than usual, fired up the oven and began preparing. Around 12:30 Sirius knocked at his neighbour's door and was met with a sleepy Remus in pyjamas.

"Hey- erm... good morning! Here are your clothes!" Sirius began far too loud. All he achieved was a furrowed brow on the other man's face.

Get a grip, Black! "Uhh...OK. Listen, I really like you. Would you like to have a breakfast-date with me?" He tried to put on a winning smile while lifting the tray in his hands a bit.

Remus, who had blushed furiously during Sirius' rambling, blinked at him once before a wide grin spread on his face and he stepped aside to let Sirius and the warm croissants in.

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serenagaywaterford · 5 years

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6) a flip of the dime. The nasty parts were always there, but he concealed/controlled them. Maybe bc said parts wouldn't exactly make him endearing to others? Anyhow, your interpretation makes him quite the interesting antagonist/villain, so I'm rolling with it, lol. /// There was another thing that was bugging me about S2: the baby's name. Obviously, Serena chose Nic(h)ole as a "fuck you" to Fred. But June in the finale? Of course, she stuck to it for Nick's sake, but also bc she recognized

7) Serena’s selfless (well, if you can call it that) act. Thoughts on this? /// As for your older responses, I forgot to describe what an epiphany it was for me to realize the significance of Serena’s use of the word “rape” for the first time. The anger I felt after 2x10 blinded me to the VERY OBVIOUS connection between her realization in 2x10 and her outburst in 2x11. (Silly me!) Imagine how much more intense that fight would have been if they included the marital rape. I remember a writer

8) that June didn’t kill Serena, bc she actually felt sorry for her in that episode. (Ngl, June’s kindness baffles me at times.) I knew that she wasn’t gonna do it of course, but it was 50/50 whether I wanted her to shoot them or not. /// Something I have not addressed so far is how lukewarm I found their explanation for June getting away with all the shit she does. Well, she’s no Janine (who loses an eye) or Emily (who gets mutilated), but still. Like you said, Serena and Fred might get away

9) get away with a lot more bc of their privilege, but June? Hm. // I’ll start quoting later (or maaaybe tomorrow).

———–

I always thought that was a really weird sort of thing for June to do. And it seems to be entirely because of Serena? Like, it was Holly, Holly, Holly. Even when she was talking to Nick. Then she has the exchange with Serena, and suddenly she adopts Serena’s supreme dickmove of a babyname?

And I LIKED Holly. It meant something. Nichole (I HATE THAT SPELLING SFM LMAO) means nothing to June? Can you imagine the convo:

“Mommy, why am I called Nichole?”

“Well, baby, you see, your Daddy’s name is Nick, so the lady that stole you decided to name you after him to eternally piss off her husband who she clearly hates and wanted him to be reminded that he’s impotent every time he looks at you.”

Like, on the one hand, Serena is fucking brilliant and it just shows the extent of her hatred for Fred. But then it’s kinda shitty to use a child as a pawn in that.

Then again, maybe there’s another reason Serena chose that name? I know there’s like a whole history about St. Nicholas and his role as a patron saint of childless couples, or something. (I can’t recall exactly rn). And there was something about St. Nicolette and babies. (Which is where the names Nicole and Collette come from.) Something like she raised a dead baby back to life. So, I guess, at a stretch perhaps that was her inspiration? I doubt it, knowing Serena. LOL.

It’s really curious June’s decision though. Despite EVERYTHING Serena’s done, June just wipes it clean and names her fucking baby after Serena’s choice? Maybe she was trying to retain the memory of Nick for Nichole? I dunno. And not only that, but she seemed 100% genuine when she said that farewell blessing and held Serena’s hand (again).

I dunno, June’s own preoccupation with Serena is something I don’t truly understand but she clearly thinks there’s some odd connection or something. It’s funny cos I was reading a review about S2 and June’s choices in the finale, and her constant support of Serena despite ALL the reasons not to, and lemme see if I can find it…

Nah. I can’t. Anyway, it was something about how we all know June’s going back for Hannah, but this writer thought June was also going back for Serena.

I’m not convinced about that tbh, but I can see the argument cos June is strangely protective and compassionate towards Serena considering. I just have a sinking feeling that the show is gonna play that “Oops, Serena is evil again!! SHE WAY MAD JUNE GIVE BABBY AWAY trolololol!!!!” and make her despicable in order to get Nicole back. If that is the case, I’m gonna roll my eyes right outta my head. I have no issue with Serena having regrets, tbh. I think that’s pretty understandable and expected. But having Serena go hogwild with abuse and using Fred’s power to get back at June or something is just going to fucking piss me off cos like, c’mon my dudes, been there, done that. Over and over already. It’s the 3rd season and either you’re gonna put this bitch on a mild redemption arc or you’re gonna make her a full-on villain. Make up your minds. The will-she, won’t-she thing is old by now.

I dunno that was a random OT rant.

Also, TRUTH! Serena’s use of the word “rape” was important. Like, part of me is like DUH how did you JUST figure that out?! And, honestly I feel like the marital rape is sort of necessary for Serena’s epiphany to get recognised. I think, Serena is just wilfully ignorant enough to not truly consider the Ceremony rape. I honestly do not think she totally understood what she was suggesting with the 2x10 rape. (Serena really does lack forethought for like…all of her actions. That’s sorta her whole problem.) I think she thought it would be just like a sort of unsanctioned ceremony. But by the end she did seem to recognise what it truly was. And having her raped by Fred in the previous episode would have really helped with that. (Then again, it’s really hard to understand how a woman who was just raped turns around and basically suggests it. And this person is supposed to be not Satan. A pure evil woman sure. But Serena’s not meant to be that.)

I think Yvonne’s delivery of the line was interesting too. Part of it was like, “HOly shit it was rape” and part of it was like, “ha! you’re a monster!! you did that!” Like she had no culpability in it. I want to know if Serena has realised that ALL ceremonies are RAPE yet. I wonder if she’s got there. I’m not totally convinced she has. But… I dunno.

Oh! I hadn’t read that about June’s reasoning! That’s interesting. I mean, it fits with June overall but it’s a very odd thing. Like, to be holding a gun trained on the couple that literally held you down and raped you not 24 hours earlier… and feel SORRY for the woman (whereas the general population’s consensus is that Serena is even worse than Fred for doing that to another woman)? I went and watched it after reading your message I didn’t really see that on June’s face. (But that’s really neither here nor there since editing, directing, etc. all differs from what the writers/showrunners had in mind and those are the guys doing the interviews!) I take that back! I watched it again and I can deffo see that if that’s what they were going for. Totally missed it and likely wouldn’t have picked up on it if not for this convo.

That said, I totally see June reasoning it out that way. For some strange reason, whether it’s Stockholm Syndrome or whatever, June seems to have a blindspot/softspot for Serena and she seems to have unlimited Get Out Of Jail Free cards for her. Like, c’mon, she literally held her down to be brutally raped, and at this point it seems like Serena could murder June and June’s ghost would just be like, “Hey youuuuu, wanna be my bestie in overthrowing the patriarchy?” (Okay, I’m not at all complaining cos I love their dynamic and I ship them soooooo… lol. On a personal level, it works very well for me and my crackshippy fantasies. I choose to believe June honestly sees something nobody else does and believes in Serena’s capacity for redemption–WHICH IS INSANE. But hey. I love it.)

So, for June to feel sorry for Serena, even after everything really does fit when you think about it. And also when you think about book!June’s attitude towards true power being in forgiveness.

I remember sitting around watching the ep the first time and thinking “I don’t want June to shoot them and be a killer” but also, “WHY ISN’T SHE SHOOTING THE FUCKING PLACE UP! DOES SHE NOT WANT TO ESCAPE????” And I was sitting there with the wifey and she was like, “She can’t. What if she misses? Then you’ve got 2 incredibly angry people chasing you.” And I was like… “Uh. Reload? Shoot them as they’re coming up the stairs.”

Because I have never fired a gun in my life so to me it seems really easy lmao. But to me, I didn’t even care about her shooting Serena but I did have an inkling she didn’t want to shoot Serena with the amount she paused. That would have been a perfect shot with teh type of ammo to take out –or at least injure– two people at once. I was like, “You gotta kill Fred and Serena is pretty useless then. It’s not like they have mobile phones! You can then choose to leave Serena to die there lol, or hostage her. And steal the car. You could get pretty far since nobody knows that Fred/Serena are even there.” To me, rationally, it didnt’ make sense not to shoot them. But… emotionally, obvs, I knew she wouldn’t cos a)the series would like… end rather abruptly lol, and b) that’s just not June.

AND yeah, June getting away with all her bullshit is insane in comparison. Janine literally lost an eye for backtalking once at the Red Centre! June has, well, done so much more and just kind skates away from ALL serious punishment. (Well, living with Fred and Serena is a pretty awful punishment in general.) And, sure part of it was cos she was preggers but … how Aunt Lydia/Fred/Serena/TPTB trust this crazy Handmaid not to KEEP breaking the rules is insane. I feel like nobody would trust her to just be a docile little thing after running away for 92 days. Not even Pervy Freddo. Despite all his creeptastic fetishes, he’d be like, “OMG she is way too high maintenance. i just don’t have the patience. give me that baby so i can shut my annoying wife up and then get me another more docile babyslave to play Scrabble and shave!” The plot armour is strong in this one!

Anyway! I got a bit carried away there…

#Anonymous

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violecentstrs · 7 years

Text

Our True Love - Chapter 14

A/N: Okay! So close. One more chapter after this, then a bonus chapter! We are closing up this series. But I have a feeling I might write a sequel to this series. I don’t know. What do you guys think? Would you like me to? Let me know! Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this chapter. The longest in the series! (Sorry in advance for any grammatical errors in my stories!)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: Sweet, angst and smooch (huehue still) Word count: 5,540 Summary: Reader and Bucky doesn’t get along well after his marriage to Rosaline. Will her friendship with Bucky last or will they crumble and fade?

★ ★ ★

I lay in bed while staring up at the ceiling. I am so exhausted.

The sun peeks out from between the curtains of my window. I turn on my phone to see the time. I see messages from my co-workers on my screen popping up, asking me where I was. I sigh out. I have three days off, man. I just came back from a business trip.

They must have brought in new files then if they are that desperate for me. I weakly get up from the bed feeling my head spinning painfully. I sniff in. My nose is blocked. Great. It was a fever after all. I felt it coming last night.

I must’ve caught them over the trip. It was probably caused by the exhaustion. I barely got any sleep last night because of what happened too.

My mind plays back the memory when Bucky and I kissed. It was so passionate and slow. I never felt anything like it before. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I enjoyed every second of it. But it was wrong. So wrong.

I brush my fingers weakly over my lips, still remembering the way his lips moved on mine. How gentle it was. How quick it was. How passionate it was. It is as though Bucky had left a print of his lips against mine.

I hear the buzzing of my apartment doorbell. My head throbs at the noise. I didn’t want to get up, but it buzz once again after 30 seconds. I rub my temples before forcing myself out of the bed. The doorbell continues to buzz again. I’m going to punch the face of whoever it was.

“I’m coming! Geez.” I say while approaching the door and coughing out. I open the door, keeping the sliding on my door intact. Bucky’s figure stands outside of the door. My heart drops. Why didn’t I check the peephole first just now?

“Y/N.” He says.

I close the door back, but his metal arm got in the way. I bite my lower lip, leaning myself against the door. I don’t want to face him right now. Not when my head is throbbing like crazy.

“Y/N, open the door, please.” He pleads to me. I close my eyes, trying so hard not to think about the kiss.

“What do you want?” I ask him.

“I want to see you.” He says quietly. “Please.”

I sigh out. I can’t argue with him even if I wanted to. My head is spinning. He can even just bust the door down without hesitating if he wanted to.

“Remove your arm.” I say. When he did, I close the door back and remove the slider. After Bucky enters, I lean against the door to support myself as I lock the door. He looks over at me with concern in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asks. I wave him off while wobbling my way to the kitchen.

“Yeah, a little fever.” I say. My vision blurs a little. I lean on the counter to catch my breath. I suddenly feel hands wrapping around my arm.

“You have a high fever, Y/N. Let’s get you to bed.” He says, feeling the temperature of my body. I shake my head.

“No no. I’m fi—” I let out a cough from the itch in my throat. He sighs and without a word, swoops me up in one motion. I gasp. He carries me towards my bedroom.

“Bucky! Bucky put me down!” I try to yell out, but my coughs kept getting in the way. He lays me down in my bed gently before putting the covers over me. He places his flesh hand over my forehead.

“About 103. That is quite high, Y/N.” He says before disappearing out the door. I hear him opening several cabinets in the bathroom followed by running water. He comes back with a small damp towel. He places it over my forehead, pressing his wet hands against my neck.

“Why didn’t you tell me you have a fever?” He asks worriedly.

You showed up unannounced after kissing me last night and you expect me to tell you that I have a damn fever the next morning, thinking that I have no guilt whatsoever? How are you here and not with your wife? Then I’m still pissed at you for keeping me in the dark for over a month. Suddenly, when I try to talk to you, you tell me to go home. After that you…

I rant inside my own mind, but my voice isn’t anywhere to be found.

“I’ll be back. Get some rest.” He says.

I don’t know what to make of this. He doesn’t act like anything had happened last night between us. Did he forget about the kiss? As he disappears out the door, I close my eyes. There’s a little hint of lavender scent in the room.

• • •

“Y/N?”

I hear his voice calling out for me. I flutter my eyes open to find Bucky back. What time is it? I can smell something that is quite nice too.

He supports my back to help me sit up. I rest myself against the headboard of my bed with a pillow on my back. Oh the splitting headache. Is this what Bucky felt during those times he gets them?

“Eat then drink this medicine.” I look at the bowl of porridge on a tray. Bucky places it on my lap carefully. I raise an eyebrow before looking at him.

“Did you make this?” I ask him.

He blushes a little before running his finger through his hair. There were little stains on his shirt. I manage a weak smile. That’s very sweet of him to cook for me. But, I can only imagine what kind of mess he left in that kitchen.

“I tried. I looked it up.” He says. I take the first sip of the porridge. A little too salty, but good nonetheless. I nod, liking the taste. He breathes out a sigh of relief. I take another spoon of the porridge, forcing the food down my itching throat. I wasn’t in the mood to eat, but Bucky didn’t leave until I was done.

“Oh yeah…” I say to him. He looks up at me.

“What did you need to see me for?” I ask, looking at him. He gives me a warm smile. I was surprised to see it.

“Later. Right now you aren’t well. You should get all the rest you need.” He says lovingly while running his hand down my hair.

I nod slowly agreeing him. Whatever he does need to discuss might give me another splitting headache anyways. But that tone. That tone was too sweet for me to process. It did made my heart flutter, but, why is he being so sweet to me?

After he gives me the medicine, he lays me back down on the bed. Before I knew it, I dozed off once again.

• • •

I had a rather odd dream.

I don’t know what time it was, but it felt as though it was getting dark. My arm is hanging off the bed. No, not hanging. Someone was holding it. Holding my hand in theirs. I feel something rough brushing over the palm of my hands. My thumb twitches a little at the sensation. Then I feel something warm and soft against my palm. It feels so familiar.

I don’t know what that was, but it made me feel so peaceful, so loved.

• • •

I woke up to the sound of a yell. It sounded like it came from the living room. I look at the time on my phone: Half past 2 in the morning. Damn. How long was I asleep? My strength had returned a little from the meal Bucky gave earlier. I force myself from the bed when I hear the yell again. It was a yell I’m all too familiar with.

My body shivers as soon as I step outside of my room. It is freezing cold in this house. I walk into the dark living room. Bucky is sleeping on my couch. No pillow, no blanket. How is he not cold? I look closer. I can see sweat dripping from his forehead. His shirt was practically soaked from all the sweat.

Bucky groans and tosses on the couch again. His sweat soaking into the cushions. He grips onto the fabric of the couch before letting out another painful yell. I lean down quickly and shake him awake.

“Bucky, wake up!” I call out weakly.

His eyelids flew open and his eyes were dilated again. He grabs my hand quickly before pinning me down tightly onto the couch. Ow. My head spins and I felt the contents of my stomach threatening to spill out.

“Y/N!” He yells out letting me go. I take a deep breath, calming myself down. That knocked the wind out of me since I was still a little sick. He leans over the couch a little, placing a hand on his forehead.

“Which dream was it?” I ask looking at him, still lying down on the couch. My eyeballs feel like they are spinning around so much. I take another deep breath and feel a little better. His gaze finds mine, but he says nothing.

“I’m so sorry…” Out of nowhere, he picks me up, holding me against his chest with my head resting on his shoulder. My heart races. I can feel his cheek pressing against the top of my head. I froze. I couldn’t move if I wanted to.

“I’m so sorry.” He repeats as he takes me back to my room. I didn’t even answer. I just closed my eyes and leaned into him. It feels nice to be close to him like this again. He lays me back down before wetting the towel in the bowl of water.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He says, still feeling guilty. I shake my head. He wrings the towel and fold it wide enough to cover my forehead.

“It’s ok, Bucky.” I say weakly.

“Get some sleep.” He says, brushing the wet strands of hair away from my forehead with his metal hand before putting the towel on it. Despite the nature of it, it felt gentle and warm against my skin. As he is about to leave, I grab onto his hand. He looks at me surprised.

“Sleep here.” I say simply with my eyes closed.

I don’t know what made me say that, but all I know is I don’t want him to sleep alone out there. Nor do I want to sleep alone in here. I can feel his eyes on me as his hand wraps around mine in return. He moves to sit down on the floor, still holding my hand.

“No.”

I pat to the space next to me. There’s more than enough space on my bed for him to sleep on. Even though my eyes were closed, I can feel the intensity of his stare towards me.

“Are you sure?” He asks with a gentle voice. His flesh hand gently brushes over my hair. I nod slowly, feeling myself drifting off a little. The bed shifts under his weight as he lays down next to me. His hand never losing that grip it had on my own hand.

I don’t know what happened after that. All I know is that I woke up the next morning to Bucky’s bare chest right in front of me. His arms are coiled around me while my arms were around him. He had nuzzled his face into the crown of my head. My heart beats fast at the sight before I quickly pull myself away from him. I sit on my bed to watch him still sleeping. His sweat soaked shirt thrown onto the floor.

I feel a lot better than yesterday. The headache is gone, but the sniffs and itchy throat are still there. I watch him shift around in the bed, sleeping rather peacefully. I cover my face in my hands as I press my back into the wall.

“Again, Y/N? With another woman’s husband? Are you serious?” I whisper to myself. Cursing at the fact that I am taking advantage of Bucky’s kindness.

I run my fingers through my greasy hair. I must look like a mess. I look back at his topless body. I blush at the sight of his chest. My eyes trail down to his pecs then back up to his metal arm. He’s so beautiful…

My breath caught in my throat. Wait, w…we didn’t do anything did we? Why was his shirt on the floor? I was still fully dressed, so that must mean we did nothing, right? But why was he half naked when it is snowing outside? Is he not cold? I am and I’m fully dressed.

I glance up to his face. His eyes are open and staring right into me.

“B…Bucky.” I say nervously and embarrassed. I hope he didn’t catch my wandering eyes just now. Bucky brushes through his hair with his fingers as he yawns.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, reaching over and holding his fingers against my neck to feel the warmth of it. My heart beats rapidly against my chest at the sensation of his skin against mine.

Just two nights ago, he had kissed that very same spot.

“A lot better. Thank you.” I answer.

“I’m sorry to trouble you.” He sits up while keeping his eyes on me.

“Next time tell me when you get sick.” He says seriously as he sits up on the bed in front of me. I blink confused. Seriously, I got it overnight, how was I supposed to tell you if you showed up first thing in the morning? Besides, how can you think I’m able to even face you after kissing you when I know you’re married?

“I can manage on my own. I’ll be fine.” I say. A brief hit of dejavu. Didn’t Bucky say what I just said that night as well? His eyes shift around in mine before he sighs out, irritated.

He tilts my face up with his metal hand before pressing his lips against mine. I widen my eyes and pull myself away, banging my head against the wall. Ach, back to the head spinning. What on Earth is he doing? I couldn’t even properly process what just happened.

“That sounded painful.” He says while rubbing the sore spot where I hit my head. I push him away from me, nearly knocking him off the bed.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask straightforward, looking at him. Tears clouding my eyes. I don’t want this. I don’t want him ruling over my emotions again. His expression doesn’t change; still that same concerned but caring face.

“Y/N, I—”

“You have a wife of your own. You can’t do this.” I say to him, reminding him of his marital status.

My feelings are mixed. Angry at him for kissing me. Happy that he finally did. Confused that he even did it. Angry at him because of what he said to me before. Happy that he is here with me. Angry at him for cheating on his wife. Confused if he even cares about his marriage. Hate that I am feeling sick. Just, everything.

“This is wrong, Bucky. You can’t do this to Rosaline. I know your marriage isn’t that well, but that doesn’t mean you need to find someone else. You can still make it work.” I say, hurt at the fact that I may just be used by Bucky because of his loneliness. Bucky keeps his eyes fixed on me. Not saying anything.

“I want you to be happy. I know you love Rosaline and it could still work. She is very beautiful and kind and just the perfect one for you. Okay?” I say. I wait for him to say something, but he only responds by brushing the back of his fingers against my cheek. My heart flutters at the sensation of his skin against mine.

I take my pillow and press it against his bare chest to keep him away from me. He’s playing around with my emotions again. This is only hurting me more. He’s making it difficult for me to help him out with his marriage.

“Do you hear me, Bucky?? Don’t you want that happiness that you’ve always talked about?” I ask him. Nothing but silence from him. I couldn’t read the emotion on his face. A few moments of silence pass us.

“Are you done?” He asks. I blink several times, surprised at the response. He lets out a small sigh before lifting his metal hand up. The machine within his arm whirs as he spreads his fingers open. I look at it; there is no ring on his finger. I gasp.

“Bucky, wha—”

“Let me explain this time.” He says. I bite my lower lip, concern written all over my face. He takes my hand in his, rubbing his thumb over it. What kind of explanation he has for that missing ring, I’ll listen.

“Rosaline and I have divorced.” My heart drops. My face must have too but he put his metal hand up to keep me quiet.

“We have been talking about it. We were emotional and lost in memories of the past. We rushed into marriage without thinking. Unfortunately, her return also triggered new nightmares from when she was around. It was too much for me. For us.” He continues, looking down at my hand. Okay, that explains the worsening sleep pattern.

“After that night I came over here, Rosaline decided to properly give me the help I need. But she also asked that we go through with divorce.” He says looking up at me. So, he does remember that night after all. I watch his eyes, trying to find any hint of sorrow in them.

“I agreed.” He adds. I open my mouth to protest but he cuts me off.

“She’s a psychologist after all. She knows that my heart doesn’t belong to her. And she also realizes that hers doesn’t belong to me either.”

“But, Bucky. Why? I thought you were really in love.” I say sadly. I was sad that Bucky’s one chance at happiness had slipped through his fingers.

“I wasn’t. We weren’t. We were desperate. You know that.” He says, eyes lingering around in mine. I look down, feeling a little sad that this was the aftermath of their marriage.

“Bucky… I’m so sorry.” I say genuinely. He shakes his head.

“So as we went through the divorce, she helped me out to seek the help of a specialist. The specialist put me through a treatment. It did helped me a lot. My memories improved. I started remembering more of other people that were in my life. My actual life. Not the life of Winter Soldier before. Though, his does still appear in my dreams.”

I watch him. I can see the joy in his expression. But I was still upset that they have divorced. Bucky had a chance to build a family with her, but it’s gone now. Though, he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. By the fact that he just lost that chance of having his own family. What didn’t he fight for her? Fight to keep their marriage going?

“But the problem was, my memories of you were still hazy. Remember that time in the park?” He asks while continuing to hold my hand. That pulled me out of my own thoughts. I nod slowly.

“My memories of you were confused with memories of Rosaline. I mixed them up myself and thought that it was Rosaline. So I asked her about it those dreams. She said, with a smile, that it was you, not her. She hears me call your name out in my sleep.” My heart races again in my chest.

“He calls out your name in his sleep. I hear them.”

Steve said the exact same thing the other night. Bucky gives me his smile. The sweet smile I had seen him give Rosaline during their wedding. How am I supposed to feel right now after hearing that? Really, what am I supposed to feel right now?? I’m so confused. I’ll just listen to his explanation first.

“After that, I focused more in getting the treatment for my mind. The specialist brought me over to Canada for about a month to continue with my treatment. I had only returned last week.” My eyes widen. The anger I caged within me finally bursting free again. I pull the pillow away from him, raising it before hitting him with it as hard as I could.

“What?? You were in Canada and you didn’t tell me?? You left me in the dark for over a month without telling me that you were out for a treatment. Then come back and telling me to ‘go home’?!” I shout at him as I hit him hard with my pillow. Nope, I still didn’t forget the terrible things he said to me a couple of nights ago.

“Then you tell me to go home when I see you! How could you?? If you think I was going to forgive you so damn easily, you’re wrong! Do you know how hurt I was??” He shields himself a moment, letting me let my anger out on him as I hit him over and over again with the pillow. Fresh tears spilling out from my eyes.

“Let me explain.” He grabs the pillow and pulls me towards him with it.

My face inches away from his. The memory of our kiss flashes through my eyes again. I pull myself away from him and letting my back press into the wall. I cross my arms over my chest. I watch him, interested in listening to his excuse. I can still feel that burning anger in my chest.

“During my stay in Canada, I realized how horrible I had been to you. Memories of our fights, my jealousy and my outbursts. I was embarrassed. So embarrassed that I prepared myself for your rejection when I get home. I saw your messages and missed calls but I didn’t dare to pick it up. So I… pushed you away.”

I raise an eyebrow. That is the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.

“But when I heard that you and Steve were in Canada, I had to see you. I didn’t approach you though. I was still burdened with that guilt, but I’ve never felt so alive when I saw you again.” He says quietly. It clicked. The man I saw once during our visit. He was that man.

“You were the creepy guy??” I yell at him. He blinks before furrowing his brows.

“Creepy? I wasn’t being creepy.” He answers a little irritated. I clench my fist.

“Yes, you were! Standing from far to watch me. Then staring me down at the lobby. You were the one walking in that hallway that night, weren’t you??” I yell at him again. He sighs out.

“The first two I can understand. That one in the hallway I was going to see Steve, but you beat me to it. I was flying home that night and wanted to see him. I’m sorry.” He says with a little laugh. That got me quiet.

How am I supposed to feel? Angry? Sad? Why watch me from far like a stalker? If he ignored me for a month, then why did he want to see me if he doesn’t plan on saying anything to me? If he is pushing me away, why see me in the first place?

“Anyways, I stayed over at Tony’s when I got back and been thinking about what to do to make it up to you, but didn’t know how. I felt ashamed. When I came over yesterday, I was yet ready to face you. That’s why I reacted the way I did. I let my ego take over this time, clouding my memories of you.”

“So instead of talking to me about it, you decided that it is best that you just continue to push me away and not deal with it at all?” I say a little angry. He ignores that anger in my tone.

“After you remind me of our memories together, I was overwhelmed with them. Memories after memories. Feelings come flooding through my chest. It was so much and so sudden that I lost it. I couldn’t let you slip through my fingers again.” I blink. His eyes shift up to mine as his fingers laced around mine.

“Steve came and talked to me that night after you left. He whacked me on the head once for kissing you before encouraging me to make things right with you yesterday.” Bucky pulls my face close to his.

“But when I saw you got sick, I felt guilty. I decided to take care of you first before explaining everything to you.” He brushes his metal hand through my hair, holding on the ends of it gently. I remain quiet. What should I even say?

“He told me to not let things be anymore. To let it out instead of keeping everything hidden from you.” He chuckles. It made my heart jump hearing that. It was so gentle and sweet.

“Steve knew all along that my heart was with another. All this time the real love I’ve been feeling was for the one right in front of me that I had turned a blind eye to because of my unreliable memory. And he reminded me of her.” He continues.

My heart skips a beat and I widen my eyes. Wait, does that mean…?

“I kept my feelings in before because of how she always seem to like it being on her own. I didn’t want to lose that comfort I have with her. I was afraid that if I tell her how I felt, I might lose her.” My heart aches.

“Bucky, I—” He moves his hand down to mine, making sure that my eyes were locked tight in his gaze.

I didn’t realize that’s how Bucky had seen me. Is it because I always kept my own feelings hidden too? Kept my problems to myself and not sharing them with anyone? Have those traits of me the cause for Bucky to push his own feelings away just so he won’t lose me? I feel like such an idiot.

“But now, after all these time, I can’t keep it in anymore. I saw with my own eyes of what true love can do. And I don’t plan on losing her ever again.” His eyes locked in tight with mine. His hand runs through my hair once before he pulls me into for another kiss. Soft and quick. I freeze against his lips.

“Steve reminded me the things she had done for me. He reminded me of our conversations we would have about her in secret. The nights when I would always come to her instead of him for comfort. The times when I get jealous just watching her talk with other men than myself. The moments I would have with her that shows how much I really love her only to be taken away by her respect for my marriage.”

I couldn’t breathe.

“Her love had brought life back into my heart when I thought the ice had frozen it over. The love that caressed me when I wake up panting. The love’s gentle voice that soothed out my troubled heart. The warm glass of honey milk love would give to put me into a blissful sleep. The sincerity of love to keep me happy. The open heart love have to listen to my dreadful past…”

My head feels heavy.

He lifts my hand up to kiss the palm of it down to my wrist. My voice is stuck in my throat. My chest tightens. My stomach flutters.

“…and love’s hands that caringly held mine when I needed the comfort of knowing I was no longer alone.” I look at him.

I can feel my lips quivering at his words. My heart racing in my chest at the way his lips move against my skin.

“The love that has never stopped even after I betrayed her. The love that is still willing to accept me even after I had been blind towards her. The love that I continue to rip apart without realizing, but still remains standing strong. The unconditional love that still wants my happiness instead of her own.”

“Bucky… stop, I…” I choke on my voice, but he silences me by kissing my lips tenderly. I hesitate for a moment, but return the kiss nonetheless. The other night’s kiss was passionate, but this one was filled with love. So warm, soft and kind. He pulls away from the kiss, eyes staring deep into mine.

“You are ‘her’, Y/N. The one who I truly love…” He says against my lips. Tears spill from my eyes as I pull back to look at him.

“I love you, Y/N.” He says it again.

My breath caught in my throat. I instantly feel the world coming to a stop. My voice is nowhere to be found and my mind is completely blank. I can feel myself melting down into the sheets. I couldn’t feel my heart beating anymore. Am I hearing that right?

He smiles at me, watching my blank reaction to his statement. I really didn’t know how to react. The pain, anger and sadness I felt before completely disappeared from within me.

“I’m sorry. I know it is all so sudden for you, but, I need to make that clear with you.” He places a soft kiss on my forehead. I lean myself against him, suddenly feeling tired from it all. My mind remains empty.

He holds me tightly against him, burying his face in my hair. I take a deep breath, trying to get my thoughts back so I can respond to him. But what kind of response is appropriate at this time? After he said all of those? Should I apologize for being angry at him all these time? Should I stay angry at him for not being straightforward? Should I—

“I love you too, Bucky…” I answer without finishing my own thought.

It was what I was feeling. The love beating inside of my chest was real. The one I had tried so hard to forget. All those time I had fought to keep our friendship alive weren’t in vain after all. I never expected him to return my feelings. Being friends with him was good enough.

But now that he finally returned my feelings, why should I push it away? My conservative nature had intimidated Bucky enough to keep his feelings quiet. My humbleness and quiet nature had been the reason why I choose not to tell him my own feelings. We were both idiots in this case.

I can feel Bucky’s body stiffens just before he buries his face into my shoulder. I let out a laugh. Bucky pulls himself away from me to look at me. I was crying and laughing at the same time. To think that all of these heartbreaks, all of these fights and all of these problems would have easily been avoided if either of us had the guts to tell the other how we feel in the first place.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” He asks worriedly. Of course. From sweet and loving to crazy laughing. I wipe my tears away before shoving him playfully.

“It took you four years, one marriage, a thousand fights and one fever to make you realize of what true love is?” I ask teasingly, knowing well enough that it isn’t true.

“You’re 104, for goodness sakes. I thought you’d know better.”

He manages a smile, holding my hands in his again. I squeeze it gently, the same way I would to remind him of his no longer present loneliness.

“No matter how long you live, it takes the right time and person to show you what true love really means. Some never find them either. I’m just lucky enough to live this long to see it with my own eyes. And to feel it as well.”

I run my thumb above his gently.

“Not true. You know true love with Steve as well.” He raises an eyebrow.

“Of course. But our bond is brotherhood. Different kind of love.” I smile at him before kissing his cheeks.

“Yes, it is. But you are lucky to see true love twice.” I say smiling.

He pulls me up into his embrace, holding me tightly against him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, feeling the love beating inside my heart. A love that had shattered so many times yet remains within no matter what. A love that I never thought would be returned but now that it finally did, it felt more wonderful than what I could have ever imagined.

A love that sparked over a warm glass of milk and honey.

★ ★ ★

A/N: So cute. So cute. So cute! I love this chapter so much. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. Thank you so much for all the likes, reblogs and comments from my previous posts. Reading the comments made my day so much. I didn’t ignore them, I’m just not sure how to reply on my posts, but if you don’t mind me messaging my responses to your comments, then I’ll start doing that for my future stories. I really appreciate you guys reading and enjoying my stories. Makes me so happy.

Thank you so much for reading! Stay tuned. There will be two more chapters after this! Much love. <3

Next chapter coming soon!

P/S: If you’d like to be tagged in the next chapter, message me and let me know!

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