#anwyays.

[phosphorus-noodles]

this was funnier in my head,

#anwyays. #pho.posts #pho.doodles #grian #smallishbeans #gribeans #mcyt #mcytblr #grian fanart #smallishbeans fanart

[natugood]

I never realized how much of a positive impact it would have on me mentally and emotionally, but I am so happy I got top surgery. Yes, I do still feel sad and miss my breasts, because they were a part of me that I grew into and learned to love. But I feel so SO much more myself without them.

I get to exist without the constant, subtle pain, the reminder that my body isn’t mine for some reason, even though I know that it is, or at least that it should be. It’s like before I was existing as myself but through a warped mirror, seeing a reflection or version of myself which I knew to be true, but also which I felt disconnected from. Like I was inhabiting an alien clone of my real self. It didn’t feel wrong because I had never known another existence, I had never seen or experienced another version of myself, I couldn’t imagine another version of myself.

I didn’t let myself imagine another version of myself, because I was afraid that the joy I would experience at seeing myself as I wanted would torment me and make my life agony. I wanted to survive, I didn’t want to live in pain. But I knew I felt wrong. I looked wrong. I was wrong. But I was wasn’t wrong, I was just me. I was trying so, so hard to learn to love me. And I still love that version of myself. My breasts were a part of me, a part of my body, and even though I never wanted them there, I accepted them, because what else was I supposed to do? I wanted to love myself, and they were a part of me, so I tried. I tried so hard, but as time went on, even though they felt more and more right, they also felt more and more wrong.

I think a part of me always knew that they were temporary, that they were visitors on my body, a necessary but unwanted part of my form. When I had my surgery, I wanted to take time beforehand to say goodbye. They were a part of me. I loved them. I was going to miss them, even if I knew I would be happier without them. They meant the world to me, even if I wanted them to go away forever. They were a part of me, a part of me that made me, me. I was sleepy that day though, and I was more anxious and uncertain about the events to come than I was about whether I would have time to take a private moment to myself, to get to say goodbye. For once, I was living in the moment. The anesthesia hit much faster than I expected too; I thought I’d have a few more minutes with them, but before I knew it, I was waking up. They were gone. I didn’t get to say goodbye to them. In our last moments together, I didn’t think about them at all.

When I woke up, my body felt strange, and pained, and lacking. As the days went by, I felt the same numbers that I had felt before, though in some ways it was exacerbated by the post surgery dressings. But beneath the numbness, it felt good. So good. It took me awhile to really register that goodness, to even register they were gone.

So much of the time they existed I tried to ignore them. Your chest isn’t the focal point of your existence anyways, so I didn’t think about it a lot, or at least I tried not to. But with them gone, it felt like a part of me had been released. The constant pain, the fear, the awareness of their existence - vanished. The surgery was not the beginning of the process. It was slow, and had been ongoing over since I got my first binder, eight years before. I’d compressed them, tried to live without them, tried to forget their existence for so so long. It felt fake that I could finally relieve myself of that burden.

And now, there I was. In my own body, but insufficient another alien body. Trying to reacquaint myself with myself, the myself who I’d know but never gotten to see, the myself who I had become. As time has gone on, I have felt no regret. I don’t see my body through a warped perspective anymore. I just see myself for who I am. I am finally myself. I get to be happy now. I am free.

#Idk what prompted this I am just rambling here but like. man #also I have a WHOLE ADDITIONAL RAMBLE ABOUT HOW MY TRANSNESS AFFRCTS MY SENSE OF TIME #ANS HOW TIME EFFECTS MY SENSE OF SELF #cause I can Remeber how I used to look and who I used to be. but no one else can. and new people don’t know. #but it’s WEIRD cause that’s true with everyone!!! not just trans ppl!!! it’s just that gender is *supposed* to be absolute and concrete. #so it feels like a secret that my past experiences don’t match the assumeptions ppl have about my past experiences #ya know? #anwyays. #I am. drunk. #googoogajoob #trans pride #trans masc #top surgery

[irradiatedsnakes]

FUCK

#I ALWAYS FUCKING FORGET TO DRAW IT #GHOST REIGEN AU IS MARRIED!! TO SERIZAWA #I JUST FORGTE. TO DRAW THE RING. A LO #T #i also didnt draw a ring on mobs finger in that one which i mean shes like 40 in that. theres agood chance shed be married then #but i dont have many strong feelings abt that so thats up to you and your interpretation. i have my own ideas but #but ghost reigen is 100% married yes #not specifically ghost reigen but i do like to think that serirei mawwaige... ok im using first names cus i get mixed up but arataka does t #ake katsuyas surname. so serizawa katsuya & serizawa arataka<3 but he still goes by reigen in a professional context for job stuff #and also a fair amt of the kids still call him reigen cus. well hes always been reigen #anwyays. #whats the tag again #reigen has died badly #yeah thats the one.

[hirokiyuu]

SORRY LAST ONE I PROMISE but also besk/instance + 22 love you racher

22. In a place you should have never been

The stylus skitters from the top of the box; if she were to try and grab it Instance would end up dropping every goddamn thing she's carrying, and so instead she just watches as it slides under the desk, gritting her teeth all the while.

Fucking Helio, she thinks, putting the box down with a thunk before dropping to the floor so she can grope around under the desk for her lost cargo. Fucking Lum, complaining about 'all the empty space' in Engineering, as if there weren't a good fucking reason they'd left this office unused for the past ten years. Instance would've gladly spent the next ten ignoring it too, but between letting the Helio come in here and rub their filthy fucking fingers all over everything and doing it herself, Instance--

--touches something. Rectangular, flat, indented in the middle. Instance recognizes it for a picture frame immediately, though how it's still here is anyone's guess, given the thoroughness with which Anne had moved to collect the rest of Besk's other sentimental trinkets. It must've fallen before.

Before. She scoffs at herself. Before, before, before. It would be ludicrous to cut her life into halves with that noose as the divider, just to avoid even thinking the words. It must've fallen, she thinks, with deliberation, before Besk killed herself, and left Instance behind to clean up the mess.

She yanks it out and against all better judgement squints down at it. Besk smiles back out at her. She's young, no older than eighteen, her arm slung over a similarly teenage Antecedent's shoulders, and her expression is....

Instance had forgotten, apparently, that Besk had once been capable of smiling like this. That once she'd looked her age, hair up in that same ridiculous ponytail her daughter had sported as a child; that more than twenty years ago she'd been able to let her sloping grin push her eyes into crescent moons, easy with joy. That she'd laughed, and meant it, and yet still --

The moment the frame leaves her hand Instance regrets it; it hits the wall with a crash as the glass shatters, another fucking mess she'll be the one dealing with. Much smarter to do what she does next: pick it up, take the photo from the back of the frame, and rip it systemically in half, over and over and over, until it's all just confetti.

All the other pictures Instance had on the holonet she'd deleted. The one single frame Besk had shoved onto her out of misplaced sentiment had gone into the recycler. This one she shreds, letting the pieces fall to the ground with the shards of glass, left for the cleanerbots later. Pointless, insipid garbage. Absolutely and utterly worthless.

Instance grabs the box and heads for the door. Fuck the stylus. The Helio can have it, if they find it later. They can have the whole damn office, and who cares if Besk had hung herself inside? Not them, and not Instance, either.

The door slides open. Instance steps through, and doesn't look behind her. There's nothing of value in that room, anyways.

#hahaahaha thank u for this one emimi #'a place you should never have been' is both 'only in pictures' and 'not here'. i hope that came through #i like old woman divorce and old woman mourning. its good #i think instance still being hung up on besk years later is peak <3 #but is she hung up bc shes in Love or bc [ger voice] instance always thinks she knows best #u kno. u kno #either way i think she and tangent both deal w/their problems badly. and i love htat for Me. #anwyays. #how do you writing #watchfulgentleness #i was a teenage exocolonist #i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers #asks #ask meme #suicide mention oops i forgot to tag yesterday #noose mention also

[catboy-cyrus]

Intentions update:

might be a while folks sdlkjds

#times like this I'm glad I don't have a fixed posting schedule because I'd never be able to stick to it. #and you can come to expect updates rapid fire then just nothing for weeks on end! #current chapter is a long one. I'm like 5k in and they've seen one (1) lake spirit #and I've planned for them to see all three in this one chapter and am toooo stubborn to change that now! #so yeah. it'll be a while #or I'll post this and be struck by inspiration by god specifically to get it done quick and feel bad for lying on the internet #but that's still a win I guess #anwyays. #Cyrus meows

[attex]

#imgelem #[rare art tag] #tallow imgelem #hyperbole imgelem #picky imgelem #ANWYAYS. #originals

[allthatdivides]

girl there is a new traffic series starting. the sirens call of grianisms vs the fact that im a fucking mcr blog

#YEAH I KNOW I CAN MAKE A SIDEBLOG. I KNOW. i just dont want to #sideblogs for me are like.... sorting stuff #like theyre for me. what if i want to post about some little idiot with wings and know that other human beings will see it. huh. #anwyays.

[margumis]

"you cling to your paper and pens wait until you like me again" has been enough to make me randomly burst into tears throughout the day im so srs

#the cancers are connected! #i'm crying about this for the umpteenth time #its not even some profound lyric or anything #but that sheer pain of waiting around for someone so consistently #waiting for them to follow through to show up to love you when you're supposed to be in a relationship together #like there were genuinely times i was just waiting around for him to like me enough to spend time with me or xyz #anwyays.

[aymmidumps]

Jeremy and Jean are living inside my head and I don't care that they don't pay rent (working on some redesigns for these two)

#BRUH its been so long since i uploaded on tumblr i lichrally forgot how to do it o_o #anwyay... how yall doing :3 #aymmi's art #the sunshine court #aftg #jeremy knox #jean moreau #it's also signed as velrangifer because thats my IG FOLLOW ME !!

[intotheelliwoods]

Oneion has joined the party!

Everyone give him a welcome!

Who is Oneion you ask? Why, thats Ones future self :) he missed his friends over the past many years.... More of him will be released soon along with his viking outfit ref hehe o7

#2 arms left #the besties #rottmnt #polls are today I am not ready..... #anwyays DID YOU GUYS KNOW I LOVE ONEION #next project: comic showing how he got the name oneion....

[sukerokus]

#mignon #mignonedit #ok i removed a gif idk wats safe I'm scared of getting banand LOL.. #anwyays its available on vimeo pls support the artist its worth it #.gif #.bl #.all

[lucabyte]

messier doodle pages feat. mostly loop because i'm thinking about the body horror of it all... amongst other things.

... at least one of those things being. hey. unrelated to this doodle page. how many months was siffrin travelling with the party? It wasn't that many, right? How many loops would it take before they'd've been in the house longer than they had even been with them? Much to think about!

#i wasnt going to actually put these thoughts to paper but everyone has been very nice in my notes so i was encouraged :) thank u. #LONGER TAG RAMBLE BELOW THE ORGANISATIONAL TAGS. CLICK SEE ALL THANKS #in stars and time #isat fanart #isat spoilers #isat siffrin #isat loop #sifloop #isiloop #siffrin #isat #isat isabeau #isat bonnie #isat mirabelle #isat odile #lucabyteart #samdontlook #<- spoiler tag for my bestie dont PEEK #post a6 loop just rocking up and being supremely volatile and uncomfortable is what im here for. what if a guy could look so disquieted #anwyay. about the body horror of it all. SIMPLY PUT: I do not think loop is fully tangible in places. #especially not like. their head. i think that thing is impassable but not graspable or solid. i dont think it has much feeling either #the chest star being the same white is why im joking about it being intangible too but. thats also a Kaiba reference so #no blood no organs no nothing impermeable skin guy should be allowed to get frustrated about that. its fertile ground for thoughts #being punished for not valuing your body as a vessel for your Self enough by being reduced to nothing but is MEAN..... BIG FAN OF IT..... #anyway !!! kiss your local mouthless entity on the NECK!!! get CREATIVE! ! ! ! MUST I SUPPLY ALL THE NONSEXUAL INTIMACY IN THIS ECOSYSTEM?? #UEAGH. #anyway odile would get on their collective asses so hard about the philosophical ramifications of this polycule. she'd tease them about it #also @ everyone who makes bonnie call loop 'lulu' i owe you my life.

[vypridae]

i ... do not believe i've posted this yet. have vox regretting his (after)life choices

#anwyay he has permanent v scars now #based on a twitter post i saw i THINK ????? i forgor if it was there or here on tumblr #xandraws #hazbin hotel #hazbin #hh #vox #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #valentino #valentino hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin valentino #velvette #the vees #staticmoth #voxval #valvox #vox x valentino #valentino x vox

[radiance1]

Danny is so, oh so very tired about the amount of marriage proposals that popped up in front of him. Not even a day past his announcement as Crown prince either.

He's thankful that neither of his four parents are pushing him towards accepting it, but it's everyone (besides his friends of course) else who either try and subtly suggest it or outright asks him if he's chosen a spouse yet.

He's only 14! He doesn't need a spouse! And they were probably far older than him too!

Even Vlad of all people took some kind of pity on him and just decided to be a normal (for a billionaire) guy who isn't trying to kill his dad.

...However, that doesn't mean he wants him to seduce him either!

(Danny: Stop trying to seduce my dad you low-budget vampire!

Vlad, calmly sipping tea: No.)

If he wasn't majorly burnt out from the number of proposals he has to sort through, he would most definitely throw him far across town, away from his dad and mom.

He needed to find a way to stop all of these letters that just keep coming, and fast. He doesn't know how much longer he could take of reading fancy script over and over and over again, his eyes already hurt enough.

He tried to ask his Father for help, his only response was to choose a consort that he saw fit to stand alongside him. Then he had to flee before he gushed about his pops.

He asked his pops, who only said that the answer would come to him in time. Which was of no help whatsoever.

He asked his mom, she at least tried to help somewhat. Giving him some equipment to ward off any ghost who would try and forcibly take him as a consort, which had a low chance of happening considering his strength, but he was happy about it regardless.

He then finally asked his dad, after making sure that vampiric leech isn't near any of his human parents. Surprisingly, he had a pretty good idea of what to do.

He was a halfa, wasn't he? Why limit himself to just ghosts? Surely, due to his half-human status he could choose someone near his age among humanity.

Well, not in those exact words, but it was a great idea regardless! Plus, they never did specify if he had to choose a ghost consort anyways.

Now he just had to decide who to pick, really. His two best friends are out of the option, they're close, but not in that sort of way. Plus, Sam is busy with Undergrowth and Tucker bonding with Technus who was apparently apart of his family tree somewhere along the line.

Then, when he was sorting through the letters and was sure his eyes were about to bleed from reading so many fancy words, he felt it. A tug in his chest, gently urging him somewhere, and you know what, it's way better than what he was doing now, so he answered.

He felt the clothes he was swearing in that moment fade into away into the outfit he wore for his coronation. A suit, a crown made of the coldest ice from the Far Frozen, a cape made from the stars along with various little knickknacks made from various gems and a veil hung over his face.

He looked pretty good, if he says so himself. Though he didn't and still doesn't know the purpose of the veil.

He appeared in what looked like an event for a high society party, most likely filled with various rich people. He floated up and quickly looked over the people and released a sigh of relief that Vlad wasn't here, say what you will, but he doesn't fancy meeting with someone who's actively trying to seduce his dad.

He folded his arms behind his back, trying to imitate the imposing figure of his father from his place in the air, looking down at the cultists(?) below who summoned him.

"Who dares summon me." He stated, rule number one, statements hold power, questions do not. The cultist below fell to his knees, either out of devotion or fear, he didn't know.

"Oh, Prince of the infinite, we called you today for the sole purpose of serving this world to one of your standing, please let us be your servants and spare us when you plunge the world into ruin!" Ah, devotion, then. His eyes bore into the woman (from the sound of her voice) below, his silence working well to unnerve her and the other guests.

"Hm." The reward was already stated, but he neither wants too nor will take over the world. "Denied." It was short, swift, and to the point in his books, he thinks he's doing well acting out Pariah Dark!

"B-but my liege, the king-"

"What the king has been known for in the past, has nothing to do with me. You dare to assume something about me, lowly human." The human below him was actually fully blown shivering, now, slamming her head down onto the floor and shouting out a number of apologies.

Rule number two, do not take back requests you have already denied.

Ok, now he feels bad, that probably hurt a lot. But he's already come this far so-

"Is that the only reason you have called me, or do you require something else. Much of my time is not something you can afford." The woman was most undoubtedly about to say something, probably more apologies, or maybe something else, but the sounds of fighting reached the room and the doors slammed opened, the body of a cultist(?) flying through the air and the appearance of what were most likely heroes.

"Well?" He let that question slide, the cold around the room descending around the woman below as a bunch of other cultists tried to fight off the heroes.

The woman seemed hysterical with worry, most likely not wanting to go to jail, perhaps. She quickly took her head off the floor and tried to stand up, almost falling back to the ground but managing to find her footing. "M-my liege, please help us!"

He tilted his head. "And as to what, would you give me?"

"The sacrifice, yes! The sacrifice!" The woman quickly pointed below him, and only then, did Danny realize there was a boy bound below him, only to be met with a glare.

Danny hummed. Yes. That will do. "It shall be done."

Danny waved his hand, ice sprouting from the ground to force the heroes and cultists apart and then blasting a hole through the nearby wall and to the outside, a path of ice leading down to the ground. "Go." He commanded, the woman nodding her head quickly and calling to the others and disappearing outside, he then blocked off the hole with ice.

He then slowly floated downwards, besides the bound human, ignoring the shattering of ice and footfalls of no doubt the heroes trying to stop him from what he was doing. He leaned over the boy- about his age- and asked one question.

"Do you wish to become my consort?"

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #oopsie #Ended up writing lol #Anwyays #damian wayne #ghost prince danny #damian wayne x danny fenton #He's the guy bound up by the cultists lol #Danny needed to find a consort to not have to deal with marriage proposals anymore #He's sure nothing would really come out of this #Surely after this he could just claim the boy as his consort- if he says yes- and they could just go about their seperate ways #pariah dark #dp clockwork #dp dark ages #dark ages #darkages #Danny has 4 parents and then one vampiric leech trying to worm his way in lol

[childdevourer1]

And these lines aren't wrinkles, dear heart

They're just dollops of paint on a new work of art

Happy 13 years! 🌪🎉

#was supposed to be a quick sketch #but uh Um #anwyays this show is so very dear to me #I’m so happy to see it grow and continue over the many years I’ve watched it #to many more years of silly pajama people<3 #ninjago #ninjago fanart #fanart #ninjago dragons rising #lloyd garmadon #arin ninjago #sora ninjago #Kai smith #nya ninjago #Zane ninjago #Pixal ninjago #cole brookestone #jay Walker #too many godamn tags 😭 sorry if this looks goofy I rushed #ninjago 13th anniversary

[rbtlvr]

smth for @remedyturtles new fic firefight! the twins ever <3 i'm sure they're fine

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise donnie #rise leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt leo #HOW MANY TAGS GO IN SEARCH AGAIN. IDK IF ITS STILL FIVE OR NOT. LMAO #my art #anyway read firefight it has had a grip on my soul for the past. uh. hwoever long ago it was that rem came up w the idea #at least a month i think. idk im so bad at time WHEEZE #anwyay words cannot express how fucking excited i am for this fic you guysfjklah;fkldsjlf #ALSO PROUD THAT I REMEMBERED TO GIVE THEM THE CORRECT GEAR THIS TIME LMAO #i forget half the time </3 thats why cmh gang is stuck w their old gear forever and ever whoops