#another look at deans masculinity and family

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

Thoughts on a potential Sam & Benny relationship? Platonic or otherwise? 👀✨

Hi!!! thank you for asking this hehe. See Benny falls under the category of characters 'assigned' to Dean who personally, to me, also have a lot in common with Sam when you really look beneath the surface (Cas is another character who falls in this camp). And what he has in common with Sam is just. a lot more thematically meaningful to me lol. Also I'm sorry... this is gonna be mostly literary analysis because i'm a real freak who judges ship potential between characters according to ~themes~ 😔

Benny, like Sam, is a character who's born from liminality. He's forced to occupy that space by the nature of his existence, but just like with Sam, his ambiguities aren't allowed to remain within the narrative. I'm using liminal here as a catch-all to cover both the idea of ambiguous identity and ambiguous zones between bordered territories, regions that in essence don't 'belong' anywhere.

Both Benny and Sam are not-monsters. Sam is the human who's never quite human, Benny is the monster who's never quite a monster. It's interesting to me that on a narrative level, Benny has to be 'exorcised' from the story first before the show fully leans into the stable home territory of the Bunker. From that point in the story onwards, any ambiguities in Sam's identity get squashed too. He's forced to occupy a rigid, unquestioned sense of belonging now - to the hunter community and to his family. His monstrous associations are something purely referred to in the past tense (i'm not referring just to the demon blood arc here, but how his soulless and hallucifer arc frame him as something 'dangerous' to the narrative).

Benny's introduction alone renders him a liminal creature, he comes from Purgatory, an 'in-between' realm sandwiched between Earth and Hell, a place of perpetual fighting, journeying and movement. there is no real home to be found in Purgatory. There's no place for rest. And when we learn his backstory, we learn that he was a literal sailor, a monster pirate hunting on open waters. He is a displaced person without a nation, no stable 'home'. The ocean doubles as another form of Purgatory; a liminal space for travellers, where one is always journeying and vulnerable. In that sense, he's a metaphorical double for both Sam and Dean, stuck journeying forever in their car, moving from one liminal space to the next (for them, in the form of motel rooms. there's a great chapter in the book TV Goes To Hell: An Unofficial Roadmap of Supernatural on this).

On a surface level, Benny embodies the type of free, rugged masculinity Dean has always idolised and aspired towards. On one level, he fits neatly into the same category as Gordon, Ketch etc. under the category of guys who just hearken back to John. But the added dimension of him being a non-practising vampire is what ties him to Sam, and what makes him an engaging side character to me. (Like, the literal denying-themselves-of-blood of it all). Real belonging will always come at the cost of erasing some integral part of who they are, a part of them that marks them as non-human.

Benny's brief subplot also directly mirrors Sam's arc in early s8 - both of them try to settle down and try and place roots. For Benny, it's with a descendent in Louisiana (a migrant trying to reconnect with his roots? [sniper on the roof takes me ou-]). But for the both of them, Dean is the ghost of hunting who disrupts this false, temporary sense of settlement. For Sam, it's Dean's return from Purgatory that pulls him away from a 'false' peace. For Benny, it's his association with Dean that draws hunters upon him (through Dean comes Sam, then Martin). Hunting in Supernatural is the boundary enforcer, the border police, the violent vigilantism that draws strict lines in the sand between humanness and monstrosity - a functional metaphor also for the ways we define who gets to be considered a citizen vs. an illegal alien.

(Also all of this fits into a meta I'm currently trying to write where I'm parsing my own feelings on why Sam's isolation/ambiguity resonates so particularly with dilemmas around identity and isolation as an immigrant child of migrants, compared to a character like Dean. So a bookmark here for further meta on a deeper reading into migrant narratives present in Benny + Sam's arcs?)

tldr; imagine if there was a single person of colour in the Supernatural writer's room (lol) damn what could've been!

#sambenny? kinda #this is very rambly and incoherent afsldkf #me banging on pots and pans: benny lafitte!! refugee metaphor!!!!! asylum seeker metaphor!!!!!!!!! #also somehow. this fits into yesterday and today's samweek themes ahah #damn what could've been! also applies to the lost potential of the sam + kevin dynamic too 😔 #asks #my meta #j.txt

[dykeydean]

real men don't flinch or bleed in public, oh, i think i'm a real man.

#mitskinatural #dean #dean winchester #spn amv #fan vid #spn #supernatural #winchesters #family dynamics #character study sort of #real men by mitski #another look at deans masculinity and family #g-d this one took something out of me #i was just about to post this when i went WAIT I COULD MAKE THIS BETTER #and switched around the very end #so hopefully it turned out well! #sent to my best friend whose only words were #ezra wtf #so :) doing good #my stuff #my edits #amv #ezra posts #also. need to say it. w* dni

[hensel-x]

I HAVE SOME OPINIONS ABOUT SUPERNATURAL GENDERBENDS.

Listen. I love that image of fem dean that most people in fandom have, with her being like a really cool masc woman with an undercut who is confident in her bisexuality and has no problem sleeping with both men and women. I love her dearly.

BUT. Realistically speaking. Look at john winchester (and tell me there’s god). and the amount of INSANE toxic masculinity bullshit that goes on in canon dean’s brain that actively makes his life worse.

Imagine what kind of GIRL would john winchester raise.

Fem dean would have contradicting roles she needs to fit in. on one hand there’s this image of picture perfect mother/wife that mary was in john’s eyes and that he forces on deanna. On the other theres Family Business which you Can Never Escape. She should be daddy’s daughter, good older sister, future mother and wife but she can never achieve that, so she is ultimately Fails as a Woman. Insert canon dean’s thoughts about being a freak. Worst case of “not like other girls” mentality. Mary as unachievable ideal of traditional femininity which is totally alien to deanna.

And talking about fem sam in my mind Jessica stays her Girlfriend

And that is the core of deanna and sam’s conflict actually because in dean’s eyes sam escapes Family Business so surely she can now be the Right Woman even if deanna herself cant have that?

WRONG, sam doesn’t give a shit about johns views on gender roles, she wants to be a lawyer of all things and lives with another woman. A fucking slap in the face.

John the kind of father to forbid sam from painting her nails in high school cause The Hunt but also gets mad at her for cutting her hair short over a sink.

ALSO I think it would be INSANELY COOL for sam to have hoodies with those 2000s graphic crosses/angel wings prints as sort of foreshadowing

 And Rowena is a dilf witch now yeah.

#my art #supernatural #supernatural fanart #dean winchester #sam winchester #genderbend #dean winchester is an older sister #gender thoughts #when sam is in hell deanna becomes a soccer mom #oh and also gabriel's fem vessel is inspired bt bridget jones

[franklespine]

[mentions of CSA and SA]

Am I procrastinating my assignment? Maybe. But there is something to be said about how queer-coded the character and narrative of Sam Winchester is and how it's so lost in its interpretation because he never really had a close homoerotic bond with another male character that people could ship him with. But to me (or at least in my interpretation), I feel the queer subtext surrounding his character goes deeper than that. Now, I would never get pressed about the sexual or gender identity labels that people interpret characters as, I obviously have no dictating force of authority. But for me, I don't necessarily even think that when it comes to queer subtext, it's even about labelling sexuality either.

I think a reason I enjoy the character of Sam and what drew him to me so much when I first started watching was how fundamentally different Sam is shown to experience love and sexuality. The show makes a point of how what Sam values the most about being with someone is a genuine connection with them. He hates strip clubs and the last time he went was because Dean paid for his lap dance and he spent the entire time striking up a conversation with the girl and convincing her that she should follow her passions to go into nursing. He's turned down women just looking for a lay on multiple occasions. In the episode Baby when he has a one night stand with a waitress they make a point to say how rare this actually happens with Sam. There is certainly an argument to be said about how Sam's trauma has shaped his view of love and sexuality, especially post getting his soul back from the Cage but its distinctly present in the early seasons too how much emphasis there is on Sam forming a genuine attraction and connection with the girls he gets involved with (Sarah, Madison, etc). I also would not say that Dean is in any way a baseline for the average male experience of love and sexuality (though it's not like I could verify that), but such characteristics of Sam are more greatly accentuated when they are compared to Dean (and same vise-versa).

But this isn't even queer subtext, this is just the actual text surrounding Sam and how he peruses love and sexuality. Although to say 'peruses' it is probably a stretch as any situations in the show where Sam is the one getting with the weekly damsel seem to more be situation that fall into his lap, as opposed to him actively seeking them out. What I would say is actual queer subtext is the treatment of his whole storyline about being a freak, having demon blood and his resulting obsession with religious purity. Feeling fundamentally different to your family, to everyone else. Above everything else just wanting to feel accepted and a sense of belonging - of being normal. Being essentially kicked out and cut off from his family for wanting to live an alternative life to the one they wanted him to. Being literally hunted by religious fanatics because of something he can't control. Sam's non-conformity with typical macho-masculinity being the butt of jokes for 15 years (even though it's just stuff like... having longer hair and knowing the story of Cinderella). It would literally take weeks to unpack all of this (and the many other examples that I could've put here). And are there issues with readings of specifically the demon blood arc as an analogy for queer experiences? - obviously. The way it's told through beginning with Azazel feeding Sam his blood, something which feels like such a violation of his very being - explicitly talked about using the language of CSA ("you are my favourite" vs "you ruined my life"; saying Mary "walked in" on them... vomit vomit vomit) - all of it reads like saying sin and sexual violation is the root of queerness, which is obviously blatantly untrue and problematic. But then later we have Sam in s4 making something good out of his abilities, because despite their source - they're his to reclaim. Unfortunately though this doesn't really pan out well as Dean calls him a monster for such reclamation and it turns out Sam's desperation to do good has been exploited to turn around and do the opposite, and this plotline also got abandoned. Then there is Lucifer, which is a whole other gross SA implications can of worms. The fact is, with everything that has happened to him how could Sam even begin to try to reclaim love and sexuality? That's what makes a queer reading of his character so fascinating and complex to me.

Unfortunately I don't exactly have the eloquence or the time to truly portray what I mean here - the way I see my own labeless queer experiences and internal struggles reflected in Sam, but this is all to say that Sam probably has one of the most queer coded narratives that I've ever seen (although not without its faults) and that's because it's not built on romantic or sexual tension with another character but just on what it means to be queer. What it feels like. And also hooray for death of the author. Characters are interpreted differently by different people because everything is filtered through the frame of our own existence. Who would've thought.

#supernatural #spn #sam winchester #queer!sam

[blessyourhondahurley]

Suptober day 31 - This Bliss

A fluffy domestic day in the life of a happy, settled, married, post-hunter Dean Winchester and family.

Suptober prompt: Trick or Treat

(Read on AO3)

As the coffeemaker blurts out its last few brewing burbles, Dean snags the pot and pours himself a tall, fragrant cup. They've been experimenting with flavored blends recently, a project that Cas has gotten really into after Charlie sent him a gift basket of assorted coffees and teas for his “birthday” last month. Thanks to four decades of sludgy diner joe, Dean maintains pathologically low expectations for his morning cuppa, but he's finally comfortable enough in his masculinity to admit that the salted caramel spice variety they're drinking this week is fucking stellar, especially with a dash of cream. He adds that dash now, then shrugs and stirs in a little sugar as well. Why not treat himself?

There's a scuffle behind him, and he turns just in time to see Sam and Eileen stalking through the kitchen, arguing silently. He hasn't yet mastered the finer points of sign language, but somehow he catches “screwdriver”, “watermelon”, and “recycling bin” and decides not to inquire further. They disappear together through the door to the garage, still gesticulating furiously at each other.

Dean smiles at their backs and takes a seat at the kitchen table, He has another sip of his coffee and unlocks his phone. The villagers in his Animal Crossing town need his help with a fishing tournament today. He casts his line and waits.

“–en we'll ask Dean!!” is the only warning he gets before his kids burst into the room. Jack's in the lead, looking distressed. Claire is half a step behind, sporting the world-weary smirk she likes to wear like armor.

As soon as they're in front of him, they both start talking at once, and it's impossible to understand anything they're saying. Dean puts out his hands above the table, palms facing down, and lowers them slowly, a sign for calm down. Their voices trail off in perfect sync.

“Okay, let's try that again, only maybe this time actual communication can occur?” Dean points at his son. “Jacky, you go first.” Claire jolts, her mouth falling open like she wants to protest, but Dean turns his pointing finger upwards to indicate wait. “You'll get your turn, hon. I promise.”

“Claire says I'm too old to trick or treat tonight!” Jack says plaintively. “I'm only five!”

“Yeah but you look twenty-f–” his sister butts in.

Dean cuts her off with a barked “hey!” Mollified, she makes a zip-it gesture across her mouth, crosses her arms, and waits.

Jack continues. “Am I gonna get in trouble if I go out tonight? I don't want anyone to be mad at me! You and Dad said I could, though! My costume's all ready!!” He's giving the most puppiest of puppy-dog eyes, and as he finishes speaking his piece, a single perfect tear wells up and runs down his cheek.

Dean reaches for his son's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Claire-bear?” he prompts.

“I just don't wanna see the kid get his hopes up for nothing,” she says grimly. “He doesn't exactly look like your average first grader. People don't take too kindly to grown-ass men tryin' to scam them out of their Kit-Kats.”

“I get it,” Dean acknowledges, giving her a nod.

At this apparent confirmation of Claire's point, Jack looks like his heart is crumbling to bits in his chest.

“Hang on now, buddy,” Dean continues before the kid can work himself up to a full-blown meltdown. “Your sister's just looking out for you. But she hasn't spent as much time in Lebanon as we have, so she doesn't know that everybody's gonna be expecting you at their houses tonight. I saw Marta at the post office the other day and she said to tell you she's got a jumbo-size 3 Musketeers with your name on it.”

Jack is smiling so wide now it looks like his face is gonna split in half. Dean turns to Claire. “In fact,” he says, eyebrows raised, “I'm absolutely certain no one would mind in the least if Jack brought his big sister out with him this year. Whaddaya say, kiddo? You wanna scam some Kit-Kats with us tonight?”

His daughter likes to think she's a hard-ass, a firmly closed book, but Dean watches the emotions play across her face as she tries and fails to suppress her excitement at the prospect. She's still adjusting to peacetime, to post-hunter life. They all are. He and Cas like to grab every opportunity they can find to let their kids be kids for a change.

Claire is still struggling to find the words that will simultaneously convey both I don't give a shit about anything because I'm a stone cold bitch and yes please please please take me trick or treating tonight but Jack doesn't bother waiting. He grabs his sister's hand and starts tugging her down the hall, free-associating ideas for her costume as they go.

As their voices fade from his hearing, he gets up to freshen his cooling coffee. While he's at the pot, he reaches into the cupboard overhead and pulls out Cas's favorite mug, the sky-blue one with the cartoon bees all over it. He's just tipping a dollop of cream into each cup when his husband shuffles in, looking rumpled and delectable in his bathrobe and ratty slippers.

Dean presses the warm mug into his seeking hand and wraps an arm around his waist.

“Morning, sunshine,” he says with a soft smile. He nuzzles Cas's extravagant bedhead and breathes in the warm smell of the skin behind his husband's ear.

“Good morning, beloved,” comes the rumbled reply. “What were the kids talking about? They seemed agitated about something.”

“Claire's gonna come out with us tonight. Jacky's helping her figure out her costume.”

Cas takes a deep drink of his coffee and hums happily. “That's nice.”

“Mm-hmm. She's super excited about it, but she'd never admit that. Gotta keep up the tough cookie facade.”

“She reminds me of you at that age,” Cas says with a grin.

Dean snorts a laugh. “Yeah, I was a tightly-wrapped little basket case back then. Closet case, too, I guess. Took me a lotta years to become who I really am.”

Cas finishes off his coffee and sets his mug on the counter, freeing his hands to pull his husband close. “Indeed,” he rumbles as he starts to trail a line of kisses up Dean's neck. “You've matured into an exemplary father, a wonderful husband, and a magnificent man. And on that note...” Cas's morning stubble rubbing against the thin skin of his throat gives him the shivery tingles, like it always does.

“On that note?” Dean prompts, his voice breathy and tremulous.

“The children will be occupied with their costumes for the next hour or two,” Cas observes. His hands move down to gently cup his husband's ass. “I think you should take me back to bed.”

Dean flashes back for a moment on all of those basket-case years when he was too scared, too exhausted, too repressed, too busy expecting to die at any minute to bother dreaming about a happily ever after for his story. He never could have imagined anything this good, anyway. Safe in his home, warm with the knowledge that his family is nearby, he walks hand in hand with the love of his life back to their room.

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel fluff #halloween #suptober23

[soullessjack]

oh my god also another thing is that the entire domestic au is just so terribly hetero-nuclear. like the show already established TFW2.0 as an unconventional surrogate family by like the end of s13. rowena telling Lucifer that as far as Jack’s concerned, TFW are his fathers altogether. jack telling Sylvia that he has “more dads than most” and telling Laura that Cas is “one of” his three dads. dean telling john he has a family despite it not being the What Is And What Should Never Be -esque vision john had. Sam telling Lily Sunder that Jack is their kid and Cas directly relating Dean’s (and their) suffering in 14x07 as the loss of a son.

and that’s not even getting into how jack and Mary canonically see each other as mother and son, leading into jack technically having 2 moms. they all have house chores. jack has an apron to do the dishes and dean has one to cook. Sam has a jogging routine. they have movie nights and game nights and they go out to eat after hunts. they go shopping in town. Etc etc.

so much of the domestic aus just seem to disregard this entire dynamic, especially when it comes to Sam being the uncle instead of one of Jack’s three dads, or he’s the target of “who’s the mom of the group” discussions. sometimes he doesn’t even live with them anymore?? sometimes they do have a little apple pie life house and cas is (Sometimes) drawn up as effeminate and dainty and very obviously meant to be the Woman or woman-lite in the relationship. Jack is of course either a baby-shaped clutch purse or a smiley cardboard cutout whose entire existence is to make his dads look cuter and gayer.

And it’s just. Weird. Like, I personally read TFW2.0’s family dynamic as inherently nontraditional (see also: queer). The show puts repeated emphasis on it being unconventional, especially from the outside world’s perspective, but maintains that it is their family. It’s the same brand of unconventional surrogacy that has always been part of the show. as @honeyedwhiskey my beloved puts it, “‘the urge to unqueer a queer family and turn it into a nuclear one” is quite strong in this fandom.’”

it’s already happened with destiel and unqueering two men into The Man and The Woman and it’s happening still with the way this fandom views TFW2.0 as a family and their concept of “domesticity.” this constant need to make somebody The Woman or the Mother because you guys have no concept of men being nurturing or of masculinity being inherently queer lmao

#cal.txt #spn #tfw2.0 #destiel #domestic au #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #baby jack #like…. does this make sense I have a headache #queer dean winchester #gay castiel #don’t even get me started on the gender roles I will start spitting blood

[angelsdean]

how is dean not the same as john. in the later seasons i mean. sorry but describing him as "not an angry man" is insane to me cause dean's number 1 of getting out his emotions is anger. i love dean as well but like. you know john tried to be better too right? like i dont really understand how you extend this huge hand to excuse some of dean's angry/bad tendencies (which imo makes him that mlre interesting: the fact that he is angry and he's sometimes not a particularly good person) but refuse to extend even a sliver of this to john? obviously i get that you're attached to dean way more than john thats like common sense for us deangirls but genuinely. cas died and dean did turn into his father. its a thing that happened. i love dean and i dont understand how you can call yourself a deanlover but... erase so much of him??? like you can say he has bad qualities. thats what makes him human. john and dean are much more similar than you claim and its genuinely confusing to me why you don't see that. not trying to start a fight or anything i genuinely would like to get a piece of your mind on this

no no no you misunderstand. i am not erasing ?? his anger. he IS angry (it's just that anger for dean is rarely actually anger). i also think his imperfections are what make him interesting. i talk abt this a lot actually. about how i don't believe in flatting ANY character to prop them up as your fave. people being messy and flawed is good. the problem i have is people who do not look at dean w/ any nuance and just point blank go: he's angry therefore he's abusive and equals john without examining WHY he's angry, where that anger originates from, the fact that his anger most often is Not true anger for the sake of anger or violence. instead, his anger most often stems from fear and grief. especially during widower's arc. he's drowning in grief and as much as we love jack and can see in hindsight that he wasn't a threat at all, dean doesn't know that! we as the audience get the privilege of often knowing and seeing more than the characters! all dean sees at the time is a Very powerful being, who IS the son of lucifer, and who he believes manipulated his best friend and got him killed. he does have every right to be afraid and wary of jack. (and i'd argue he has the right to feel this way again with soulless jack, he IS afraid of him and what he might do and he's also grieving mary and that mixture of grief + fear is where his anger-but-not-really-anger comes from). like, because of the way dean was raised, because of growing up with the angry man that is john, the only emotion that was really expressed and "allowed" was anger. anger was justified. crying and sadness and fear, that's weakness in john winchester's household. but anger was powerful and masculine and good.

i also DO look at john with nuance as well. i've talked about how i don't like when people reduce john to a flat caricature or cartoon villain abuser. there's more going on, there's nuance, their dynamic is so complicated. john is Also, at first, drowning in his own grief. i think early on, john DID try, and was mostly motivated by a desire to protect his family, but he went about it wrong and imperfectly. however, where they diverge, is that john continued to let his anger consume him for the sake of revenge. he neglected his children, he put them in danger through his repeated neglect, and he did (based on various pointed insinuations) at one point or another physically abuse them, most likely dean specifically (the line abt flagstaff, also less "canon" but in the john's journal book john mentions how dean was particularly responsive to "discipline" and that john feels he's been too soft on sam)

the thing is, being angry doesn't make you a bad person. being angry is human. dean's anger imo, and the way we see it manifest--most often when what he really wants to express is grief and fear--is indicative of his internalized behaviors learned from john and past trauma that remains unresolved. this man has never had a chance to COPE or unpack not only the abusive and controlling environment he grew up in, but all the subsequent years of trauma INCLUDING his hell trauma. that's a lot. all those bottled up feelings are gonna turn into a lot of anger and frustration. he doesn't suffer perfectly. like you said, and which i agree, he is not perfect. he's flawed. he's human. but i don't think being angry and suffering imperfectly makes him a bad person. i feel too much empathy and compassion for him. i can see struggling and i want someone to help him. sometimes when people are in pain they'll say or do things they don't mean. and yes, they may hurt people in the process and those people are allowed to feel upset, but dean is also hurting. and i don't think he's a horrible person for not suffering the "right" way or not being a "good victim." and that's how i view widower's arc, as someone who is deeply hurting and suffering. it's not excusing his behavior but it's not villainizing it either. john gets similar feelings from me too, to a point. but john took things further and actively abused and neglected his young children and raised them to be soldiers and made them put aside their dreams and desires in the name of HIS revenge quest. he raised his children to live in fear and used fear and violence to control them. however, despite the fact that *i* don't particularly like john winchester, i know that his dynamic w/ his sons is nuanced and i know that dean both Loves and Hates him and that both those feelings can and do co-exist and i enjoy that duality.

dean's complicated emotions during times of intense grief and stress (widower's arc, losing mary, finding out chuck was controlling his whole life) are isolated moments but do not speak for his whole self. outside these high stress situations, where what he's really feeling is fear / grief / worry, we usually see dean to be very compassionate and patient and good with children.

this is getting very long now and i don't know if you'll take the time to read all of it but i'd like to conclude with saying my main issue with the "angry man in the house" phrase is the way it is used out of context to paint dean as becoming john and taking the place of the angry man in the house, when the original context of the quote is about being haunted by the angry man you grew up with, not becoming him. i talk more in-depth about all of that in this post.

also, just as an aside but, i generally have two "modes" of operating on this blog. one is fangirl mode where yea, dean is my blorbo specialest princess who can do no wrong<3 and then there's the other mode where i'm doing formal analysis of canon where it's more abt dissecting things and talking meta and looking at WHY characters are acting how they are. that's when i talk abt their flaws and motivations and nuance and context. also, people are often needlessly harsh or over-exaggerate things dean said or did in canon just to villainize him and in those instances yes i will go to bat for dean and "defend" him, usually by just, pointing out the nuances and additional context for his actions that many choose to overlook or misinterpret just to make dean seem worse than he actually was.

#long post #sorry pals not putting it under a cut bc i think everything here is important #dean studies #mymeta #replies

[jerrylewis-thekid]

.

Hello, I was writing and deleting an hour ago because I don't know how to ask a question and also because of my anger, so simply how did Jerry deal with the fact that Dean preferred Mak over him for thirty years and the possibility that they were a couple... How did Jerry continue to love him?! How did he continue to love a man who did not care about his feelings and knew that he had been replaced!! I can't believe Dean preferred this idiot over Jerry!!!

Everything about Dean and Jerry is very complicated. I'm sure Dean loved Jerry but more than anything he loved "the Kid". The emotional addict with light feminine features who looked at him with adoring eyes and who had put him at the center of her world. Dean, perhaps for the first time in his life, was a "hero" to someone. But Jerry grew up year after year. He was a wild colt, he had his dreams (directing) and he had to fulfill his dreams. As it should be. And year after year he lost his adorable feminine characteristics and his sweetness as a child and became more and more manly and more masculine. And he had started to think a little more about himself, I REPEAT, AS IT SHOULD BE. Mack Gray was no idiot. He had worked for twenty years for George Raft, a domineering and arrogant narcissist with a hint of the mafia. Mack Gray had learned full submission with Raft. He never married. He has practically lived as Dean Martin's shadow since 1952, the year in which he officially began working for Dean, but since 1948, the year in which they met, Mack was all too present in Dean's life. I've written several posts about this. There's too much to write now… but the fact that that man was so close to Dean, so present in his public and private life (Mack Gray went on holiday with Dean and his whole family. After the breakup with Jerry It was as if he was part of Dean's family in all respects) and above all Dean's reaction to the death of Mack Gray (he was practically committing suicide with alcohol and drugs) and Deana Martin's words when she wrote in her book that " without Mack Gray my father's life was no longer the same" which makes me fear. Very. Dean Martin has argued with everyone at one time or another. Even with Sinatra. With Mack Gray NO. I'll write a more complete post as soon as I can.

Jerry at a certain point stopped totally submitting to Dean. Mack Gray always submitted to Dean and had no talent. He was physically ugly and untalented, without physical beauty Mack Gray could NEVER have outshined Dean. By the mid-1960s Jerry had become overwhelmingly beautiful. Next to each other Jerry would appear the adonis. Dean was nine years older than Jerry. And Dean didn't want to be overshadowed by anyone. And there were certainly those who fueled his insecurities. And I'm sure a certain blonde woman did it day after day.

#jerry lewis #dean martin #mack gray #answered

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Rant about folks' interpretations of Dean's sexuality below the cut

So in canon, Dean identifies as het. In canon, even though they have an impossible (even for them) to properly define relationship, even they know that "brother" seems inadequate, Sam and Dean are not romantically or sexually attracted to each other. Even though, in canon, we are never shown a single moment of definitive attraction between Dean and another male character that isn't fraternal/platonic or aesthetic in nature, folks still insist that Dean can't be straight. They look at how he prioritizes fraternal friendships over any other type of relationship, how he idolizes masculinity and all its tropy trappings, and they claim that means he must be, at least unconsciously, attracted to men in a romantic or sexual way. But what this does is brush off the existence of any other types of attraction as if they are less than sexual/romantic attraction. Platonic/fraternal and even aesthetic attraction are not weaker, or secondary, or of any less importance. And treating them as nothing more than indicators of other types of attraction is fucking insulting. Platonic attraction is just as valid and desirable as sexual or romantic attraction. It is just as fulfilling. It is just as healthy and normal and good. One of the things that makes Dean's character so fascinating is that he is not primarily motivated by sexual or romantic attraction. Obviously he feels sexual attraction... to women, as has been well and thoroughly covered by the text of the show. And while we don't see nearly as much about his romantic involvements, we do see him get incredibly, adorably schmoopy towards both Cassie and Lisa, and other women who are sweet towards him. So despite his claims that he doesn't do chick flick moments we're also shown just enough to know that isn't entirely true ("You love chick flicks." "Yeah, I do."). But what we are shown is very strong familial bonds, primarily fraternal, that he prioritizes above everything else. Brother and brother-in-arms relationships are the cornerstone of who Dean Winchester is. <- THIS IS A FEATURE NOT A BUG. The rampant homoerotic subtext of the show makes this feel very confusing, makes it feel like there is more there than we are being shown, because that's what subtext does. But it is really, vitally important that subtext never, ever be confused with the text, because the text is (generally) objective while subtext is always subjective. Now, I say text is generally objective because the reliability of the narrative voice can change this, but until the text tells us something, all we are doing is making interpretive guesses at what the subtext may mean in relation to the text. So even if a viewer is picking up on something possibly more going on between Dean and Sam, or Dean and Cas, or Dean and Benny, or Dean and Crowley (although there is a strong argument to be made that Dean actually had sex that directly involved Crowley, which is entertaining to me because Crowley is, I think, the only character this can honestly be said of, but even still there is zero text stating that Dean was ever attracted to him in a sexual way), or really Dean and any other character because, let's face it, Dean has chemistry with everyone and everything on screen with him, that does not mean that there actually IS anything more going on between them. Full stop.

#ship and let ship #but #canon is canon #fanon is not canon #subtext is subjective #your headcanon is yours to play with how you please but that doesn't make it canon #proship #dean winchester

[virtu4l-archieve]

dean winchester beat sheet || saltyfeathers

rating: explicit

chapters: 12

tags: college au, big gay crisis, a lot of sex, smut, gay dean, internalized homophobia, comphet, alcohol used as a coping mechanism.

summary: in his final year of college, dean’s got a lot of decisions to make. most importantly, which girl he’s going to do... right now. and later tonight. And the next night. when new transfer student castiel novak snakes his way into dean’s friend group, sean can’t help but see it as an infiltration. somethings is up with castirl, and he’s going to find out what. more accurately, he’s going to enlist his best and longest suffering hacker friend, charlie bradbury, to do it for him. not a single one of dean’s suspicions has anything to do with the fact that upon their first meeting, castiel insults his shoes, his general existence, and his masculinity by— looking at him like that.

“fine. i’ll do it. i’ll be your experimental college phase.”

for the whole thing being nothing but a subplot- I LOVED DWBS (wait but quick question- why is it called dean winchester beat sheet? did i miss when the beat sheet bit was mentioned?) i really did enjoy it. there is so much good that i can’t talk about without spoiling. look if you want spoilers-

i enjoyed comphet!dean which is crazy lmaooo but i enjoyed seeing this aspect of a fic. i’m realizing it’s a regular occuring trope. i like how everyone knew yet just remained quiet. seeing through dean’s fun house illusions. i felt for dean. not to flex but i was comfortable with my sexuality at a very young age so stories like this always seem to make my heart ache a little more. he was so scared when there was no reason to be. i loved cas. he had so much patience for dean despite being annoyed with him every once and a while. although always well earned and needed as it helped dean work through his sexuality more. also for you horny ppl, for a friends-with-benefits fic was a lot of sex and it was all really well written. thank you, salty feathers. (i will be checking out more fics)

also the college aspect, i graduated almost a year ago and tbh i miss college. i graduate a year earlier than i expected (damn another flex sorry guys) so i just love reading college aus right now.

also the way every bitch and there mama was in this fic was crazyyy. like . . . jo, charlie, aaron, pamela, benny, victor, cain, crowley. (i feel like we dont see enough crowley in au i need more crowley) okay maybe not every character but there was bitches i didn’t know expect but i definitely loved seeing!

also loved the thanksgiving chapter- might be my favorite- when we go visit bobby and ellen. it’s so sweet seeing cas in that environment. it reminded me of abandon all hope- the good half when they drink with cas and take a family photo.

#dean winchester beat sheet #dwbs #saltyfeathers #college au #big gay crisis #a lot of sex #smut #gay dean #internalized homophobia #comphet #alcohol used as a coping mechanism #dean/cas #deancas #destiel #destiel ao3 #ao3 #ao3 fanfic

[shallowseeker]

On your season 8 comments, wdym about the cupid scene with the paired versus not paired couples?

So, firstly. I'm sorry my commentary turned into me skipping through season 8 and rambling like a wildman.

(It will happen again.)

What I meant when I talked about that scene, is that we see Dean's TV scene, it’s narratively solitary. Then, it's followed by the happy couple's TV scene showing them paired up. (I'll zoom in on it below.)

I'd seen the symbolism of Cupid discussed before, and even the arrows in Dean's trunk, but I hadn't seen the mated TV Dwight-Rod scene pointed out in comparison to Dean's "empty, incomplete" TV scene.

Soooo…. I thought it could be fun!

Dean drinks and looks surly. Then, he gets visually "shot" by Love. Cas enters.

DEAN SCENE: Aim. Fire. Boom. Straight at Dean, who looks to Cas as he enters the room. It's not that Dean was "hit" by Cupid and is being controlled by Heaven...it's symbolic of the situation. It's Dean's own free will.

He loves Cas. He clung to him in Purgatory and tried to tell him in the Crypt.

DEAN: "Anything? You've been gone long enough." CAS: "No. Anything here?"

Cas tells Dean he might die. They stare at one another, regretful but choosing to hold onto their respective duties and familial obligations. (It's how they tick. They know this about each other. They like this about each other, just as much as it frustrates them.)

When Dean asks Cas if he's sure about leaving, Cas gives him a sad, watery little smile. Dean was hopeful, but now he's trying to accept their fate to be apart. "So this is it?" Dean says, then pivots to an E.T. joke in the midst of his emotional pain.

///

DWIGHT & ROD CUPID SCENE:

I tried to zoom in, but it's still hard -> On the TV scene, we get this on the screen, a red-shirted "Rod" image and the tan-shirted "Dwight" image.

This is what Dean's TV scene lacks, symbolizing that Dean feels alone--that he and Cas are not on the same page about their Big Feelings.

//

The Cupid enters. When Dwight asks where the usual deliveryman Ed is, she says, "Flu. I'm Gail." (Dean has been telling everything that Sam has the flu, btw, to explain away the Hell Trial symptoms. While Ed is away, Gail strikes. And while Sam is away..."Joy" strikes.) Rod ("island of reeds, phallic symbol;" also, his hat has blue wings "American Natural Freight & Transport") and Dwight ("white, smile, laughter;" giver of beer and safe harbor) are both enamored by the weapon on TV.

The TV scene is in a forested area, not unlike the wooded nightmare of Purgatory, where Dean realized his commitment to Cas and extended his hand. He told Cas that he wanted him to "come home." Cas and Dean have the same issue with suicidality/worthlessness /duty, but narratively, they're trying to escape together. (That's a comrade theme in SPN; trying to heal over that looming feeling of suicidality.)

Below the TV is a small oval frame of a twin waterfall/bluff, meeting and overflowing. It's reminiscent of the cliff near where Cas let go of Dean's hand, in Purgatory.

///

Anyway, Rod and Dwight have a traditionally masculine interest in common here, like how Dean and Cas are both warriors, and they like that about each other. The screen shows the two men, walking side by side in camaraderie, and then it changes to a firing bow. The music emphasizes that, not only do they fall in love, but they like each other first. As friends. Weird quirks n' all.

[GAIL places a hand each man’s shoulders and smiles.] GAIL: I'll be seeing you both. [GAIL smiles and gathers her clip board and begins to leave.] Thanks for the help. DWIGHT: No problem. [GAIL leaves the bar and DEAN stares at the scene confused thinking GAIL was going to be the person DWIGHT was to have a match with. DWIGHT and ROD stare at the hunter on TV as he displays the use of his bow.] BOTH MEN [at the same time]: Damn, that's sweet. [After the men say the same thing at the same time, they stare into each other’s eyes and music plays.] ♪ Oh, it's so nice to be with you ♪ I love all the things you say and do ♪ DWIGHT: How about the next one's on me? ♪ And it's so nice to hear you say ♪ you're gonna please me in every way ♪

///

"My love is violence."

CAS CUPID SCENE:

Castiel's cupid scene is darker. This is the bookend mate to Dean's scene, the bow is now aimed at Cas, who stands in close proximity to Dean, on the precipice of decision. An open palm is extended to Cas, representing love freely given...and forgiveness.

Dean forgave him for taking the souls, something that led to Bobby's death, and for breaking Sam's wall. Dean looked for him, then told him, "Hang on!" and clung to his hand in Purgatory. In the crypt, Dean said he loved needed him.

Now, Cas cuts off the bow, just like how he threw off Dean's hand in Purgatory. Cas rejects love. And Supernatural is about love...and love. Tremendous familial love and fidelity...and this. We see his blade come up in response to being symbolically "hit" by romantic love. It's ominous.

(Perhaps, he doesn't know how to respond? He's been a soldier for bajillions of years.)

The next scene shows his rejection, as Cas walks with the cut-off heart of the Nephilim in place of his kitchen stores, and Dean's hand is out of shot (he's on the phone).

But visually, Dean's hand is "cut off," just like Cupid's was. Season 8 is all about Cas rejecting love due to the heavy weight of shame and guilt. He may not recognize it, or he may not feel deserving. To deserve it, he has to do penance, and he has to "fix" things first. It's a fatal mistake.

Cas holds a bag containing bloody, innocent human-angel remains, and the cut-off hand of human love.

#asks #sorry #i'm incapable of being short-winded #so i mostly repeated myself again #the cas rejected dean agenda #cas said go! #that phrase is repeated in the side stories this season in an episode i will not name #he shut me out #GO! #and putting passions before the community

[mayasdeluca]

I really dont want maya to stop being a firefighter mostly because she loves it and I dont see maya being happy without the physicality of it but they could always write her like that but for me and my perception of maya as a person infant see it and also I think that gives of a really bad message like why cant women thrive in a more "masculine field" and why would having a family and a marriage stop them? Like ben and dean didnt have to give up firefighting? And if ben quits its gonna be because of injury not his family. I'm still annoyed abt how dirty maya was done in her career and I dont think that it's fair for her to let it all go and it being water under the bridge. I mean obviously I'm happy thay shes not in a horrible place anymore but I dont want her to lose her ambition. Character development and having a personality transplant are 2 different things. I hope her happy ending is she gets an offer to be captain at another station that's best case scenario for me

I mean to be fair Maya's plan has always been to become Battalion Chief by 40 so I don't think it has much to do with the 'physicality' of it, especially now. The higher you get in the ranks, the less it actually becomes about fighting fires so Maya had to know that when getting into it. If she just wanted the physical aspect of fighting fires then she would just want to be a firefighter without the other titles. To call it a personality transplant is a stretch in my opinion. The way Maya treated her job in Seasons 1-3 was unhealthy to say the least. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her now finally having something else to look forward to in her life, something that means more to her and that something being her family. I agree that it would be sending a wrong message that a woman can't be a mother and a successful firefighter at the same time and ultimately I don't want her to stop being a firefighter either but if they do it the right way and for the right reasons I'm not going to say it's out of character or crazy for Maya to consider it when she's in a much healthier and better place now.

This show isn't the best at showing the balance of life and work though and they didn't handle the whole Maya not putting her name in for captain therefore Carina decided to come back home thing good at all and the message that sent so I do worry how they would go about it. The one thing Marina's storyline is missing is having a conversation about this and Maya still having her ambition and Carina fully supporting that but also Maya feeling at peace now with how things are in her life compared to early on. What does Maya actually want now and what is her goal knowing that Andy is ultimately going to be the captain of 19 for the foreseeable future?

I had always wanted her ending to be captain at another station as well but that doesn't bode well for if the show were to get picked up or saved so with it still being a possibility I don't know if that's the best idea.

#asks #anon

[femmeboysamwinchester]

my spn hot takes

Rewatching spn made me realize some things lol

john wasn't like... a bad parent??? he didn't do the best job he could, but he was also grieving and he'd just found out that the things that go bump in the night are real and yeah he fucked up sometimes but everyone does

dean was verbally and physically abusive to sam, jack, and cass

cass was not a hero and he was kind of a bad person. he broke sam's wall and drove him insane, he killed a bunch of people when he was "god," the leviathan arc of s7 was his fault, and he blamed sam for the apocalypse even though it was the angels who wanted it and he didn't care that dean broke the first seal even though both brothers unknowingly contributed to its start

dean was correct that they should have killed jack when he was born. he was an extremely powerful being with no knowledge of morals or control. he could have destroyed the whole world and killed countless people, as demonstrated in s14 and s15 when he was soulless. this doesn't mean that i don't love jack or that i agree with dean's treatment of him, just that dean's reasoning made sense.

it didn't make any sense that chuck became the villain. there was never any indication that chuck was malevolent or that he wanted sam and dean to suffer before the end of s14.

anyone who watched s15 and still shipped d*stiel or thought that the show was about anything other than the relationship between the brothers missed the whole point of the show. to add to that, the finale was their perfect ending. yes, it hurt to watch. knowing the permanence of dean's final death was painful, but the whole show was leading up to that. i will say that sam not going off the rails was a bit ooc considering all of dean's other deaths and i do think it would have made more sense for him to die young because he doesn't want to live without his brother. sam not looking for dean during the purgatory year made no sense.

sam was right to be angry after gadreel. dean took his bodily autonomy.

dean was never meant to have a romantic relationship with anyone. he never really understood the concept of loving someone other than sam. that isn't to say that he didn't care about other people because he did, but his whole schtick is "look out for sammy." love, for him, means sam. the two things are synonymous.

sam was fucking unhinged.

sam was always far more queercoded than dean, and people who use dean's misogyny and toxic masculinity as "proof" of dean's bisexuality are the ones who are homophobic, not the people who say that he isn't bi. sam, on the other hand, dated amy. amy was his first girlfriend, and he could never tell john or dean about her because she wasn't human. she could never tell her mom because sam was human. she literally shoved him into a closet when her mom got home. dean killed her because she wasn't human. sera gamble said herself that she intentionally queercoded sam. dean is canonically a homophobe ("dude can you be any gayer").

ship culture is toxic. i've stopped shipping in general and i prefer qpr ships instead.

d*stiel never made sense, and even if sam and dean weren't brothers, w*ncest wouldn't work. it would still be toxic af (as demonstrated by their whole relationship as brothers).

sam and dean were soulmates in the platonic sense. their whole world revolves around each other and their relationship and love for one another.

supernatural was about family, never romance.

the spn prequel makes no sense with canon.

#supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #team free will #tfw 2.0 #aro dean winchester #queer sam winchester #family #love #platonic love #brotherly love #sam and dean #not wincest #not destiel #not shipping #not john winchester negative #john winchester #the cw #the winchesters

[soullessjack]

Question for you about baby Jack: do you think the same people that flatten Jack tend to also woobify Cas to the point of comical gentleness and stereotypical femininity? I was thinking about the implications for both autistic characters having their violence and harsh parts cut away to make them more palatable/adorable.

YES OH MY FUCKING GOD THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING IT.

It was definitely way worse around like S6-7 with Crazy!Cas than it is now, especially as a product of the show’s airing time and how queer men (ie Dean and Cas) were generally viewed during then; if you’ve been on the 2010’s internet you might remember all those mlm ship dynamics that were really just repackages of traditional marriage and gender roles: Alpha/Beta, Top/Bottom, Dom/Sub, etc.

/ Full disclosure that I was *not in these online circles during the 2010’s and I’m not any sort of gender studies expert, so anyone’s free to correct me if I get stuff wrong lol. /

But from what I’ve seen and what I know, Alphas, Tops, and Doms are typically very stereotypically masculine, carrying all the stereotypical traits like aggression and emotional unavailability, and filling in stereo-traditionally masculine roles like being protectors or providers. Vice versa, Betas/Bottoms/Subs were usually the extremely effeminate other half; they were more emotionally sensitive and weak, needed to be protected, and for the most part portrayed as looking physically androgynous or “soft.” Ergo, you have basically affixed these queer men to acting as The Man and The Woman, even though it’s two men.

Like I said, it’s definitely gone away for the most part, especially with the rise in actual gender studies and how gender expression is viewed, especially for men. I’ll still see it in some Destiel art here and there where Dean is this big gruff strong pants-wearer saving a blushing baby-faced dress-clad Cas, (cough wheeze diminuel but you didn’t hear that from me) but thankfully it isn’t thee most prevalent content made for Cas the way baby!jack is thee most prevalent content made for Jack, and there have been plenty of people over the years to come forward and correctly establish Cas as a way more dominant and capable guy than the ao3 fics would have you believe.

Same goes for Dean! He’s set up to be The Man, he likes violence and steak and guns and sleazy dive bar sex, but he’s a very emotionally sensitive man and has his own dips into femininity (Rhonda Hurley, cooking/baking, being Sam’s ‘mother,’ etc.) I’m actually of the opinion that SPN has some of the queerest masculinity ever , and again I’m not a gender studies student or expert by a long shot, but I do think there’s something to be said about how a show that is sort of built on a reversal and deconstruction of the nuclear family (ie Mary being a hunter and John being a normal man, Dean being Sam’s mother in their childhood) is so constantly regurgitated into those very roles by the fandom:

Sam is the “mom” of Jack’s 3 dads, Cas is the sensitive effeminate bean who needs big strong brawny man Dean to protect him, etc., and with Jack’s confirmation as non-binary so many ppl took to drawing them in mostly feminine fashion (which to me speaks a lot to how queer masculinity is treated but that’s for another post I think).

There’s also a lot to be said about how important mothers and motherhood are to SPN. Mary Winchester, Kelly Kline, Lily Sunder, Rowena Macleod, Jody Mills, Amelia Novak, I’m sure I could go on. Sam and Dean follow in the footsteps of their mother’s family as hunters. Castiel bonds with Jack through Kelly, and Jack takes after Kelly more than he does Lucifer (his grandma even points out that he sort of looks like her). I’m absolutely not saying SPN is this ultra feminist show, but when it tries it tries, and what it lays down is very much worth picking up.

you’ll have to forgive me for centering Jack on a Cas ask but I promise it’s not for nothing. like, the whole “twist” to Jack’s character isn’t just that he’s good or sweet; it’s also that he’s much more like his mother. Not only does he look like her, but he’s also very emotional; he’s sensitive, he’s intuitive, he’s deeply empathetic. and where most teen boys wanna be like their old man, he wants to be more like Kelly; even keeping her name as his own. of course he presents fairly masculinely, as do the other guys (unless we’re counting kitchen aprons as a feminine thing, which I only would with a grain of salt), but so much of his character is faceted in being like Kelly; being like his mother, being like a woman, and within the show’s framework that’s a celebrated thing!

I feel like I’m getting away from the original question so here’s some last thoughts to send out the door with you:

> Sam and Dean’s connection and relationship to Mary is also celebrated within the show, arguably more so than their relationship with John

> the importance of mothers in spn is somewhat highlighted by their absences (Sam and Dean, Claire)

TLDR: supernatural accidentally smashed the nuclear gender family and made their men queer and fandom culture/patriarchal norms doesn’t understand it because masculinity isn’t seen as inherently queer the way femininity/androgyny is

#I might actually take up gender studies eventually now it is pretty interesting #not like in college or anything lol . well maybe . #idk lolz #holdthypeace.txt #bringing back that one tag from another post : #every day the gender binary is reinvented and perpetuated and every day I want to rip my skin off to escape it #spn #supernatural #tfw2.0 #jack kline #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #mlm ships #gender stuff #spn study #does this make sense am I insane #also I don’t know if this is necessary but I’ll say it anyways #1) I am not a terf and I don’t ever hope for this argument to be caught on with them #2) im non-binary and I love Jack for being non-binary and my little side note ab the way he’s drawn is not a statement against that ; #; it’s a statement against how masculinity isn’t seen as queer unless it’s in proximity to femininity or androgyny #usually. I know bears are having a grand old time tho 🙌🙌

[mean-vampyre]

Supernatural episodes are so boring yet so insane because they will be like hey another bad guy to kill with guns but also how can we make dean look sad and get even more family trauma? well how about dean is sent back in time by the gay angle who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition to meet his dad before he became a bad father (he went to war but that wasn't bad enough to make him an angry guy) and tell him to buy the car that will later on become and accessory to his masculinity and gender expression, and meets his mom when she was young (and shes hot holy smokes) and the grandparents that he didn't knew existed to the point of not knowing he and his brother are named after them (he has the woman name, don't even imply that that means anything beyond funny gay joke) and also finds out that the seasons 1-3 canon that his dad found out about the supernatural and became a hunter after his mom died a supernatural death is not true because his mom was actually the original hunter AND she wanted out because that's not a good life for the family she wanted to have yet you can never break the cycle because his dad ended up neglecting them and forcing them to become hunters and the reason why his mom died in the first place is because she made a deal with the bad guy to save his dad, and the end of the episode is well dean we had to put you in a traumatic situation without any warning to figure out why the bad guy is bad, you know how the job is anyway carry on wayward son!!!

#supernatural #is this riverdale from a straight showrunner #because it sure does sound like Riverdale if being gay was illegal in the writers room #dean winchester my archie andrews the way he is always in some kind of sad situation but needs to punch his way back to the beginning #castiel his jughead just there to say some shit and have narrator powers #and sam well he is a betty obviously

[891movies]

Top 25 films (of the first 250 I watched for this project)

A little project I started back in May that I just finished today (better late than never!). I just thought it might be nice to look back at some of my newly discovered favorites and talk briefly about why I liked them. 

Without further ado, here they are in chronological order (because cutting them down to 25 was difficult enough, nevermind trying to actually rank them):

Now, Voyager (1942, dir. Irving Rapper) I am a big fan of melodrama/women’s films. I’m also a big fan of makeover movies, so I was predisposed to love this movie. The emotions are big, the drama is earnest, Bette Davies puts her absolute all into this performance and the camera loves her. But what I love so much about this movie, and about women’s films in general, is all the care that’s put into showing relationships between women, especially mothers and daughters - the good, the bad, the overwhelmingly toxic. The romance is only half of the love story here; there is just as much, if not more, importance placed on familial bonds. All of this plus an all-time great closing line makes this an instant favorite for me.

All That Heaven Allows (1955, dir. Douglas Sirk) Another melodrama, of course. This is such a gorgeous movie to look at - those colors! - but the story is also beautiful. Again, there is something I love about the earnestness of these movies. There is no wink or a nod here, nothing to undercut the emotional truth of these characters. And c’mon, who wouldn’t wanna move into a refurbished old mill with Rock Hudson?

Artists and Models (1955, dir. Frank Tashlin) I didn’t expect to become such a fan of Jerry Lewis when I started this journey but here we are! This is such a fun movie, the actors are all utterly charming and they all sizzle together, especially Lewis and Dean Martin. This movie is like a weird mix of a Jerry Lewis comedy, the 60s Batman show and a Doris Day/Rock Hudson bedroom farce. In other words, irresistible. 

The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957, dir. Jack Arnold) The peak of 1950s science fiction - and I never thought I’d find something to top Forbidden Planet for me! It’s gripping right from the start but the basement segment is an undeniable highlight. That ending will leave you rattled and stick with you for days.

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965, dir. Russ Meyer) This movie is incredible. Exploitation of the highest order, weird and over-the-top, with terrible acting and a somehow worse script, the absolute definition of camp. It’s definitely not for everyone - the threat of sexual violence is everpresent - but that’s also what I love about it. All truly great movies are also a little bit off-putting. 

Closely Watched Trains (1966, dir. Jiří Menzel) I love an offbeat coming-of-age story, especially one that dances on the edge of becoming something much darker. The characters are broadly painted but incredibly vivid and the protagonist is at once lovable and kind of pitiful. I also appreciate how openly and critically this film looks at masculinity, at the ways men attempt to display or obtain it and how painful it can be to fall short of a masculine ideal. It makes this very specific story feel universal. 

The Young Girls of Rochefort (1967, dir. Jacques Demy) I am obsessed with the way Jacques Demy sees the world. It’s all candy colors and musical numbers, impossible romances and Gene Kelly, and then it’s the air of melancholy that underlines it, all the little tragedies of life.

Walkabout (1971, dir. Nicolas Roeg) Apparently this thing barely had a script and it shows, in the very best way. Some things just can’t be conveyed through words, and isn’t that why we have movies? A return to nature narrative and coming of age story wrapped into one, mostly expressed through the captivating imagery and endearing performances by the three main leads (especially David Gulpilil, who is a star). 

Jeanne Dielman, 23, Quai du Commerce 1080 Bruxelles (1975, dir. Chantal Akerman) Sometimes I think cinema was invented to do exactly this: capturing the mundane realities of everyday life and blowing them up so large that even the slightest hitch in routine becomes devastating. And I like movies that bore me in such a deliberate way, forcing me to change how I think and behave as a viewer.

Sans Soleil (1983, dir. Chris Marker) This is such warm, intimate filmmaking and yet there is an air of melancholy to this film. It made me feel loved and lonely at the same time, like a phone call with a friend on the other side of the world. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984, dir. Wes Craven) Actually maybe cinema was invented so we could watch Freddy Krueger creatively kill teenagers. This was so much fun, I don’t know what else you want me to say!

Come and See (1985, dir. Elem Klimov) What a brutally difficult watch. The way this film immerses you so completely in the misery on display is masterful and makes watching it an exercise in masochism. Not to give anything away but that ending broke me, I sobbed like a baby.

Tampopo (1985, dir. Juzo Itami) Strange and utterly delightful. It kept catching me off guard and I loved every moment of it. I love a movie that has something important to say but still doesn’t take itself too seriously. And this has to be my favorite movie makeover ever!

Vagabond (1985, dir. Agnès Varda) Varda is possibly my all-time favorite director, ever since I saw Beaches of Agnès in my first week of film studies. The way she approaches her subjects with such empathy makes for some incredibly engaging filmmaking. I also love her anger; Mona is a very prickly character and Varda doesn’t shy away from making her unlikable while still trusting that we’ll be able to empathize with her.

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988, dir. Pedro Almodovar) My first Almodovar and what a banger to start out with! This movie is wildly fun and so interesting to look at; the costuming alone was enough to capture my heart. 

Slacker (1990, dir. Richard Linklater) Not to let my childhood nostalgia get the better of me but this movie is the very essence of that 90s cool I worshiped as a kid. But it’s also some really impressive filmmaking (the way Linklater plays with time in his movies is always interesting) and just an all around chill vibe. I can’t not love it.

The Kingdom (1994, dir. Lars von Trier, Morten Arnfred) Mortified as ever by the fact that I am such a big fan of von Trier’s work. I do have a bone to pick with Steven Schneider; this is a series, not a movie! But it is a lot of fun, engaging, creepy and funny in all the right places. As an Icelander I very much relate to the guy constantly shitting on the Danish. And those outros after every episode? I died laughing every single time.

Satantango (1994, dir. Béla Tarr) What can I say, I’ve really developed a taste for slow, methodological filmmaking that forces you to stop and pay attention to every minute detail. I feel like I use the phrase “post-apocalyptic” too much on this blog but I’m not sure what other word could describe the atmosphere here. Gloomy and depressing, maybe? Sure could have done without those several unbroken minutes of animal abuse, though! 

Dead Man (1995, dir. Jim Jarmusch) A deeply lyrical, otherworldly film but with an edge of dark, deadpan humor and incredible warmth. Johnny Depp gives probably his best performance but this film belongs to Gary Farmer.

The Gleaners and I (2000, dir. Agnés Varda) I love potatoes ❤️

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001, dir. Wes Anderson) This is the first Anderson film I’ve seen where I didn’t feel like all those Anderson quirks and idiosyncrasies ever got in the way. The strangeness of the characters and their surroundings enhanced the more serious moments as well as bringing welcome levity into what are really some very fucked up situations.

Cave of Forgotten Dreams (2010, dir. Werner Herzog) I could listen to Werner Herzog read the phonebook and feel like I’m being delivered some secret truth about the human condition. And what is it about delving into the prehistoric past that makes it feel like we’re looking into the very depths of our own souls? 

The Social Network (2010, dir. David Fincher) Incredible power move by David Fincher to make a movie about one of the richest men in the world that casts him as the villain in his own story. If more biopics were this unflinching or took actual creative risks like this, I’d like the genre a lot more.

Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood (2019, dir. Quentin Tarantino) I didn’t expect to like this movie at all (I’ve seen several Tarantino films before and the only one I could even remotely stand was Pulp Fiction). Maybe it’s the subject matter, or the incredible performances by every single lead actor. Or maybe it’s the fact that I couldn’t even really tell I was watching a Tarantino film aside from the occasional feet shot and then that gratuitously bloody ending.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019, dir. Céline Sciamma) This movie legitimately made me believe in love again. The passion, the heat, the nearly unbearable yearning!! All delivered in a package that looks as transcendentally beautiful as its subject matter and with the most heart-wrenching performances I’ve seen in a love story since In the Mood for Love.

And a couple of I guess let’s say honorable mentions:

Night and Fog (1956, dir. Alain Resnais) & Shoah (1985, dir. Claude Lanzmann) I super did not feel comfortable comparing the experience of watching these films to the rest on this list so I’ll just say this is some of the most powerful filmmaking I’ve ever seen and leave it at that.

#1001 movies #top list