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glimmerglanger · 4 years

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Glimmer your latest spice entry had me feeling so tuned on and so upset at the same time!! I loved it. But now I am gonna go read all the Obi-Wan polite vampire snippets to calm down lol.

:DDDD I feel like “turned on and upset” could be the by-line for the age/role-swap AU. I also feel like polite vampire Obi-Wan ONLY accepts enthusiastic consent, Force love him.

Anonymous said:

The anon mentioning slo AU lit up something in my brain, Spicy week stays awakening things in me!! A humble HC: the only way role swap AU gets better/worse is if it’s abo. Obi-Wan gets pregnant despite his best efforts, and Anakin burns it all down for him like canon. And his efforts to run away with Cody are thwarted by Order 66, but Anakin “saves him” leaving him nowhere else to turn...

OH MAN, YEA. That definitely makes things more fraught. I could imagine that Anakin talks about them having kids, someday, when he’s changed things. And Obi-Wan has a really bad feeling about that, but... everything falls apart anyway T_T

ALSO, SO, I mentioned writing my headcanons for this fic and it seems like that would be appealing, so I SHALL. I’m putting them under a cut, because they got LONG:

SO, I feel like Qui-Gon ends up picking up Anakin shortly after the First Xanatos Debacle. He ends up on Tatooine for whatever reason, the podrace shenanigans play out, he takes Anakin with him and is like, “The Force wants me to train this boy, he’s the Chosen One, suck it, Council.”

The Council has, collectively, a bad feeling about this, but, hey, it is what it is.

Anakin meets Palpatine shortly after coming to Coruscant. Palps obviously isn’t Chancellor yet, just the Senator from Naboo, but he does notice Anakin’s potential immediately as Dream Sith Apprentice and the grooming starts ASAP.

Anakin spends around twelve years hearing how he’s special and the Chosen One and etc etc etc.

And then Qui-Gon dies on Naboo, falls to a Sith lord because Anakin - despite being the Chosen One - wasn’t quite fast enough. And Anakin killed the guy, cut him in half, but his Master is still dead, he’s still left Anakin alone, and it’s not fair that he’d do that, not fair at all, Anakin can’t bear it, etc.

Anyway, Anakin broods and grieves and drifts closer to the Dark. The Council looks at the situation and is like, well, kriff. He’s refusing mind healing. Maybe… it would help if he had some companionship. He could take a Padawan. He’s always liked having someone with him, and maybe it would… be good for him. Help settle his emotions.

So, they select the youngling with the deepest connection to the Force, with a calm but implacable spirit, and they say, alright, Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi. He’s your Padawan now. Go save some planets. Obi-Wan is around 13 at this point and fully primed to hero worship Anakin, shocked that he’s been picked to be the Chosen One’s Padawan and ready to do the best he can.

Anakin is a bit bitter about all of this for about five minutes, but he’s always gotten attached quickly and the first time Obi-Wan does something risky and selfless, he’s like WHELP. My Padawan, never sending him back to the Council, look at him, he’s perfect. He’s MINE, I have someone else, and I’m going to make sure this person never leaves me, ever. MINE MINE MINE.

He gets very protective of Obi-Wan very damn quickly. Unlike in canon, he doesn’t have his old mentor there, helping him figure out the whole Master thing. It’s just him and Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan /is/ so bright and true and clever (and hey, Anakin can’t help but notice that Obi-Wan has a crush on him, even if at first it just flatters his ego).

And then one day it’s not just flattering his ego, one day he looks over at Obi-Wan with his blue eyes and bright smile and freckles and feels a kick of want in his gut and goes, oh, I’m in love with my Padawan.

I have waffled back and forth about how long it takes for Anakin to feel attraction towards him (because once he does, I can’t actually see Anakin waiting to act on it, based on how it was in canon. We’ve seen him try to resist forbidden feelings. He lasted about 15 seconds). I went with “years” before Obi-Wan gets Knighted. If I do write a whole fic, I’ll need to nail it down, but for now….

In any case, he realizes what he wants and probably goes to talk to Palps (now Chancellor about it). He keeps things vague, but not really vague enough, and Palps is like, oh, Anakin, why would anyone ever let some old, foolish RULES stand in the way of your HEART? What do the Jedi know of ~love~ you should do what feels right for YOU etc etc etc

And, anyway, Anakin reasons, the Council had to KNOW this would happen when they gave Obi-Wan to him. Master Yoda sees the future, sometimes. In fact, they probably WANTED this to happen, they WANT him to touch Obi-Wan this way. And more than that, Obi-Wan WANTS it to happen, he’s always trying to hide it, but he’s got a crush. It’s the will of the Force and even they can feel it.

And so he kisses Obi-Wan, who is shocked by this turn of events (THE CHOSEN ONE, HIS MASTER, KISSING HIM) but he’s also not going to put up even the token resistance Padme did in canon, because, again: the Chosen One and his Master. And he can feel the truth in Anakin’s words when Anakin says he wouldn’t be able to handle it if they were separated.

Obi-Wan is young and doing the best he can and trusts Anakin and doesn’t tell a soul, not while he’s a Padawan, not after he’s Knighted, and, anyway, they’re at war then, and, well. They’re busy. I think the Clone Wars play out pretty close to the same way. Obi-Wan can feel Anakin slipping more and more into darkness, does his best, trying to hold the weight of the galaxy.

Anakin says Obi-Wan is the only thing keeping him in the light, says he needs Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan tries--

But Palpatine is there, too, and he’s had twenty+ years in the AU to figure out exactly how to pull Anakin’s strings. Hell, he put most of the strings there himself. It isn’t actually difficult, when the time comes, to dangle vague threats to Obi-Wan’s well-being in front of him, to offer up the promise of them being ~together~ and ~in control~ right there, and just watch Anakin jump for them.

And then the au could go one of two ways.

There’s the hopeless way, where they never realize where Anakin went after the scouring of the Temple. He comes back from Mustafar in a cloud of darkness and Palpatine tells him that Obi-Wan died on Utapau (as far as Palpatine knows, this is true). Anakin, however, refuses to believe it and goes looking for him. Finds him, tells him everything is alright now, they can be together.

Obi-Wan is shattered, all jagged edges, he felt his whole family die, saw Anakin doing it, and I think he’d try to fight Anakin. Anakin excuses this as Obi-Wan just being confused and upset. Brings him back to Coruscant, and…

The rest of Obi-Wan’s life is increasingly dire, as the dark swallows Anakin up ever more quickly, and it’s possible Anakin eventually turns back by killing Palps for threatening Obi-Wan’s life, dying in the process, but I don’t know.

No real happy ending, here.

Then there’s the slightly more hopeful way that involves Obi-Wan running off to lead the Rebellion and getting a shit ton of therapy and learning how to recover from...his entire life and eventually maybe saving the galaxy and being happy, but I’m less sure how that one plays out.

#glimmer replies #ask me anything #age/role swap au

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atamascolily · 4 years

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Lily liveblogs: “The Rise of Skywalker,” part three

I end as I began: hopelessly confused about what the point of all this was. (Except for money. I got that part loud and clear.)

Rey just leaves Finn behind, because... friendship, right? Jannah does not have a good opinion of Rey right now, and tbh, I can't blame her. I realize Rey is under a lot of stress, but... her behavior since arriving on this "moon of Endor" has been wayyyy out of line.

Also, Poe pulls up with the Falcon right then, so I guess they got it repaired in record time, lol. Convenient.

Meanwhile, at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone is sad because Leia is dead. I wonder who's in charge now???

"Goodbye, dear princess." Oh, so she's a General right up until she dies, and then it's back to princess again? I wish the ST would make up its mind about her title.

Oh, I guess Poe is, since he showed up and actually has a rank??

Chewie LOSES IT at the news Leia is dead--I feel you, bud. I feel you so hard.

Kylo tries to look dignified as he broods on the wreckage, but he looks awful. Like a drowned rat, with a convenient lightsaber-shaped hole in his tunic where Rey stabbed him. (She didn't even take the saber with her or drop it into the sea or anything! WHHYYYYYYYYYYY - gimme a reason, any reason, even a stupid one.)

And then Han shows up. Is he a ghost? Is this a memory? Is Kylo hallucinating? WHAT WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING??? (This would have so much more resonance if we had SEEN how Han's death impacted Kylo earlier on instead of that one confused flashback at the beginning of the film....)

grizzled Harrison Ford looks great, why the hell did they kill him off in the first movie whyyyyyy

Okay, so they answer the question and this is a memory, which is fine, I usually love this trope, BUT it would be hella more effective if we'd seen Kylo arguing/interacting with memories of Han earlier instead of this happening for the first time NOW...

"Come home." Uhhhhhh, I honestly don't know what exactly Leia did, but she certainly kinda abetted killing him. What home does Kylo have now, anyway??

So Han says that what Leia fought for is still around, which is true, but Kylo is ostensibly the supreme leader here, so he doesn't just have to go AWOL, he can drag the FO leadership with him, and what passes for their government, he could SURRENDER and end the war right now. Does he? Of course not. He fucks off all by his lonesome after Rey and Palpatine because... that's all he knows how to do, apparently.

There's a callback that is supposed to resonate but doesn't work for me, because I just can't make myself feel for Kylo at all. Yes, redemption is hard. Yes, you have to work for it. Stop whining and just do it!!

We're supposed to think that Kylo will stab Han again (I guess?) but he turns and throws his saber into the sea. So that's why Rey didn't take it - so he could make a dramatic fucking gesture with it.

Palps is upset that Leia messed up his plans, but whatever. He orders Pryde, who apparently is now in charge of the FO in Kylo's absence, to come to Exegol. Apparently Pryde is a diehard Imperial (and possibly Sith cultist/Palpatine's secret puppet/agent??) I guess. It's never explained, he's just bad. And his name isn't subtle, either.

Palps just wants to burn everything to the ground for... evulz, I guess? I got nothing.

Pryde's star destroyer pops out a giant gun and blows up a planet.... apparently, Kijimi. Why, I don't know. Because they were just there?? Anyway, BOOM. Kijimi literally explodes.

What the actual fuck. How is that EVEN POSSIBLE?? What was the point of building two Death Stars if a Star Destroyer can do that????

Oh, apparently, that was the new model from the "Sith fleet" with a better upgrade. sounds fake, but okay. Poe is not thrilled by this news. The same Resistance member brings him the bad news, so I guess that's her official job??

Poe is genre-savvy enough to know that every ship in the Sith fleet has planet destroying weapons and they're doomed unless they stop the Final Order... which isn't new? I thought there was a countdown to an attack in 16 hours or something. What did they think they were attacking with? I don't even know, this movie is that incoherent.

Rose pops in with a message broadcasting on every channel about the "Resistance is dead. The Sith flame will burn. All worlds, surrender or die"... but given that it's in a language that isn't Basic, there's this one random dude with a beard who translates for the audience... and even though I assume it's meant to be some more commonly spoken language, given that the Sith have their own language in this movie, It makes it seem like this Random Resistance dude understands Sith and... I have questions.

Poe goes to sit by Leia's shrouded corpse because apparently they haven't buried her yet??? I wish Poe and Leia's relationship was more prominent in the movies, because I love the dynamic they're supposed to have, but never actually manifests in any of these movies.

Lando shows up to console him!

"How did you defeat an Empire with almost nothing?" "We had each other."

DAMN RIGHT YOU DID AND THE NEW GENERATION COULD TOO, IF THE WRITERS WEREN'T INTENT ON SEPARATING THEM CONSTANTLY AND MAKING EVERYBODY SUFFER....

Poe decides to make Finn his co-general. I have a lot of feels about this.

Turns out D-O knows all about Exegol because he used to belong to Ochi... that's actually earned, I'll allow it. Hilarious Rey never asked the droid about it (or any other details of his past, given that she was pretty sure Ochi killed her parents).

Ahch-To! Rey is wearing her hood and I don't know why. She's throwing driftwood into the flaming wreckage of Kylo's TIE and sobbing and... I don't know what's going on here. There are SO MANY REASONS she could be crying, I don't even know.

And she tosses her lightsaber into the sea... just like Kylo did. Parallels. I get it. And just like Luke did to her... She's giving it up because she doesn't feel worthy of being a Jedi because of her heritage, I guess?? (I'm guessing because this movie doesn't explain shit.)

Speaking of which, there's Luke's ghost, right on schedule! I love his snark but it's SO OUT OF LINE given his behavior in the last movie... and the fact that Yoda told him he had to let go of the past and let the books burn. I mean... the fuck???

Rey has this dark throne vision that's driving her, but ironically that's the one vision we don't see in this whole mess.. we have all these OTHER visions instead, I can' teven keep them all straight.

Oh, she's decided to model Luke and fuck off to Ahch-To forever because she feels she made a mistake. that's absolutely the WRONG LESSON from Luke's life, Rey!!

(also, what happened to saving the world? The sith wayfinder? She just conveniently forgot Palpatine was gonna slaughter everybody because she's having heritage angst?????)

Leia not telling Rey about Rey's heritage makes perfect sense when you realize just how much Leia's life was fucked over by the knowledge that Darth Vader was her father--once in ROTJ and again when she got kicked out of the Senate and ostracized in Bloodline.

Luke has Leia's lightsaber conveniently hidden in his hut... so now Kylo/Ben can have a weapon of his own in the upcoming fight, gag. (Really, Rey should use it to make a double-bladed saber, but she won't, sigh.)

The flashback looks like a video game to me. The CGI is not terrible, but doesn't look nearly as real as the rest of the film to me.

Also, I'm forever mad that Leia gave up her saber thinking it would save her son, that is SO AWFUL, especially since IT DIDN'T WORK, HE STILL TURNED OUT EVIL ANYWAY AND RUINED YOUR LIFE.

"A thousand generations live in you now" would have so much more resonance if Rey was an avatar of the Force or a reincarnation of Anakin instead of the metaphorical. (Yes, I know it will be realized literally later on.)

[Just realized that Kylo's obsession with Rey would make TOTAL SENSE if she were an reincarnation of Anakin given how much he idolizes his grandfather!!!]

Whyyyyy doesn't Luke talk here about the revelation that Palpatine is alive? That he and his father failed to kill the Emperor? That Rey has to finish LUKE'S journey, too??? But no, it's all about Leia here.

Rey somehow didn't notice the wayfinder in Kylo's TIE until Luke says "you have everything you need"... I guess? I don't know how she missed it before!!!

And the X-wing rises out of the water like the deus ex machina that it is... somehow still spaceworthy after six years in the ocean. Okay, then.

Apparently, Force ghost Luke can still manipulate physical objects through the Force??? Okay, I can kinda buy that, but... still....

I love how Artoo doesn't even wait for Threepio to get started with the bullshit, he just imports the uploaded memories right away without asking. Normally, I'd be mad about consent, but a) they're married, and b) he's restoring Threepio's personality, so I'm okay with it.

I love how warped and creepy the space is around Exegol.

Also, D-O looks just like a desk lamp.

Oh, so the Resistance follows Rey through Luke's X-wing computer via Artoo. Convoluted, but it works, I guess.

Okay, so time for some technobabble, but there's a navigation tower (the new shield generator) they have to hit for REASONS with a "ground team" (aka strike team). Sigh.

Love the dismissal of the "Holdo maneuver"--which is essentially kamikaze-style suicide. Not a great battle strategy if you want to survive the fight.

Wait, wasn't Poe angsting earlier about how nobody answered their call from Crait back in the last movie? What makes him think this is going to be any different?????

Okay, so all the FO folks on are on Exegol now?? Who is piloting and crewing those Star Destroyers?? Are they First Order or Final Order people? What happened to the First Order? What is the relationship between the First Order and the Final Order? Are they the same thing with two different names?? (But no, there are two fleets, the Sith destroyers are different.) What happened to the First Order then? Does anyone notice and/or care the alleged "Supreme Leader" of the First Order is missing in action??? I'M SO CONFUSED.

Okay, it makes sense that Poe is in an X-wing given he's a hotshot pilot, but he's also a general, and... I'm so confused about the tactical aspect of that, but fine, whatever. Also, Artoo is in the X-wing with him instead of BB-8, who I thought was Poe's droid (to the point of reaming Rey over injuring him earlier in the film!!!) WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE???

we're baaaaacck in the creepy sith ruins just like the beginning of the film, but so much has happened that my brain has fried and so the parallels are not as compelling as they could be.

WHEN DID THEY PICK UP JANNAH?? Has she been there the entire time and we just didn't see her until now, or did they stop back at Endor's moon along the way??? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

Finn has " a feeling" where the ship is... it's the Force, why are you teasing us like that. LET HIM BE A JEDI.

Okay, I actually really like the fact that all the FO deserter stormtroopers from Endor are using their mounts so their enemies can use the tech against them. That's poetic justice right there. And also, epic cool. Good thing all the ships are still in the atmosphere... (nobody's wearing masks like Finn did for the Kijimi pickup)

I don't know how there is lightning in a fucking underground pyramid, but 10/10 for aesthetic, I love it.

"Grandma, it's me, Anastasia"--oh, wait, never mind.

The reveal that Rey is in a giant arena is hella creepy, even though it makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Where do all these people come from? What do they do? Where do they live? What do they EAT?? Are they born Sith? Brainwashed Sith?? Cultists? Clones??? I NEED ANSWERS HERE.

Palpatine dangling in his creepy metal arm-thing is a lot like GLADoS from Portal.

So... Palpatine can possess the person who kills him in anger??? Explains a LOT about how he treated Luke, actually. And why it was so important that Anakin finish him - one, because Anakin's body was failing, and two, because he did it for love.

Love the aesthetic of the flickering lights for added creepiness and nothing is quite real. Even if it makes no sense. My id knows what it wants, okay??

Jannah and Finn teaming up for the battle is great, BB-8 actually gets to do something for once, and I love Jannah's crossbow.

Oh, now Palps is going to monologue about Rey's parents, while telling us no interesting details whatsoever. Sigh.

HOW THE FUCK DID KYLO GET TO EXEGOL AGAIN????????????????? she left him stranded in the middle of a frikkin' OCEAN... and he just knows how to get back to Exegol without the macguffin,.... how....?

(yes, I know he's supposed to be "Ben Solo" again, but so far there has been zero explanation in the film itself, so I'm just gonna keep calling him Kylo.)

Okay, there's a TIE fighter next to the X-wing, but... where did he GET IT?????????

That "ow" is priceless. I watched that sequence twice.

(clearly Kylo has not been exploring ruins much recently.)

Finn explaining to Rose that he's going to sacrifice himself for the cause, exactly like she wouldn't let him do in the last film... and Rose goes with it. Okay, then.

Now Kylo has to fight his own boy band... who were secretly following the Emperor's orders the entire time (?) THE ENTIRE FIRST ORDER WAS LITERALLY A FRONT TO KEEP KYLO REN DISTRACTED AND KYLO TOTALLY BOUGHT IT. I... have questions, but I actually admire the sheer audacity of this.

Kylo fighting said knights would be way more emotionally engaging if we a) knew anything about them, b) had seen any interactions between Kylo and the knights earlier, and c) gave a shit, but none of those happened, so we don't.

Kylo and Rey have some sort of Force bond communication thing that is super vaguely filmed so it's hard to understand wtf is actually happening. Rey tosss her saber back and... Ben pulls it out behind his back.

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK

I won't say that wasn't forshadowed, because it kinda-sorta was. I will just say that this movie has NEVER EXPLAINED HOW THEY CAN DO THAT or talked about it at ALL, just treats it like a fact, and I... have questions about how reality can be bent that way even if you are a Force dyad or whatnot.

So Kylo's fight with the knights parallels Rey's fight with a bunch of Imperial guards and it's so hard to care. Th timer says there's still a half an hour left, how is that possible???

So... it's okay to stab people as long as you do it with the properly colored lightsaber, I guess???

Kylo shows up, he and Rey exchange Meangingful Looks, they raise their sabers, Palps zaps them and slurps up "the lifeforce of your bond" and uses it to grow younger, whatever the hell that means ughhhhhhhh please let this be over soon.

Did he know they were a dyad before? Is THIS his real plan? I'm so confused and I have no idea wtf is going on.

RIP Snap. I guess I should care more about you, but I don't think you're mentioned in any of the other movies, so... *shrugs*

Poe has a meltdown but.... Lando shows up AGAIN to give him a pep talk, and also a fleet. Like seriously, Lando gets results, if he'd been running the Resistance, the war would be OVER by now.

Is the "Nice flying, Lando!" Older!Wedge?? I think so. I hope so, anyway.

Zorii shows up too, to fight and also insult Poe over the comm... I guess she's upset about Kijimi being destroyed? (Or maybe not given how she was so eager to get off it???)

Palps tosses Kylo into a pit, which... given that Palps survived, maybe not the best plan if you wanted to actually kill him.

Then he shoots force lightning through the hole in the arena into the sky and... zaps all the new fighters.

Well.

Okay then.

Rey wakes up and... reaches out to the spirits of past Jedi for help. (Apparently, Palpatine doesn't care about her killing him now, because he's young and healthy again, so it's okay to kill her? I guess he can always try again with another grandkid, lol.)

Also, it's funny how Rey is a Palpatine and blood is sooooo important and scary and destiny until someone's trying to diss her and then she's just "a scavenger girl". And by funny, I mean terrible. Sigh.

"I am all the Sith." I don't think the Sith, by the nature of their existence, can embody their predecessors the way that the Jedi can. I mean, to be a Sith is to be alone, and there is that whole Rule of Two business if that's still canon now. I mean, unless the Sith literally eat their masters and thus become them? But it seems a little late for THAT detail.

But it's okay because Rey's embodying all the Jedi this time (and has TWO sabers, lol) and she turns Palpatine's Force lightning back on himself and he turns into a crisp. You'd think the Sith Lords would have worked out a defense against that, since that's how Mace Windu scarred him in the first place, but okay then.

The entire arena crumbles. All the faceless cultists are crushed by falling rock. Pryde goeth before the fall. Lando rescues Finn and Jannah before Poe can. All the star destroyers are stranded because the command ship is gone and start blowing up.

Anyway, Rey collapses in the ruins. Finn senses her fall. but Kylo climbs out of the pit and cradles her in his arms. (ewww ewww ewwwwwww NOOOOOOO) and cradles her to his chest [gross gross grossssssss she's dead and can't consent and I can't decide if that makes it grosser or not, she's never let him do this while she was ALIVE fuckkkkkk]. He finally lets go and then places his hand on her stomach, and ughhhhhh I have so many issues with this I don't care if he's reformed, he's been stalking for three films, this is NOT OKAY and does the Force healing trick, and...

literally he could have just put a hand on her forehead or shoulder, which I would still hate, but would be less creepy than this.

Rey wakes up, puts her hands on his, sits up, startled and... doesn't say anything, doesn't even flinch, and smiles. "Ben."

and she kisses him. I knew this was coming. I still hate it.

he smiles, falls over, and dies. Like, literally, it's like Rey's kiss murdered him. I'm a terrible person, I know, but I really can't mourn him.

Kylo's body vanishes (Leia's stayed intact, damn it!) proving I guess that he was good after all?? I thought only special people learned the vanishing trick??? Leia's body vanishes right at the same time, and... I don't get it, I really don't.

Maz apparently skipped the final battle to watch over Leia's corpse and I.... definitely don't get it.

was Leia possessing her son this whole time? What. Just. Happened??????

Rey flies away in Luke's X-wing under her own power, and... "Red Five is in the air again," says Finn. People are rising up all over the galaxy, though against what, I'm not clear, and the skies are suddenly clear, implying that the Emperor was warping the weather with his darkness.

We see Star Destroyers blowing up behind Cloud City and on the FOREST moon of Endor with the Ewoks and I just... never knew they were there??? Were they connected to the rest of the Fleet somehow (like the Katana fleet in Legends??) Where did this come from?? Wicket and his son are clearly satisfied, though why they think anything's going to change is beyond me. And was the First Order oppressing them? Why didn't we see any of their fleet when our protagonists were IN THAT SYSTEM AND SO WAS THE OSTENSIBLE SUPREME LEADER???

Another Star Destroyer crashes on Jakku, so literally NOTHING HAS CHANGED THERE, LOL.

Back at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone cries and hugs, Poe and Zorii have a moment that goes nowhere, Poe's arm is somehow in a sling (???) There's a very brief lesbian kiss, but it gets even less screen time than Rose Tico, so again, don't think that counts as representation, but nice try.

Maz gives Chewie Han's medal from Yavin and... where the hell did she get it??? Leia's corpse??? Creepy!!

Jannah comes up to Lando and asks him where he's from, and when Lando asks the same question, she say she doesn't know. "Let's find out." Wow, that's way more interesting than most of this movie!

Rey hugs Finn and Poe and I... just... it's the tearful hug of "wow, we've all been through a lot of trauma since we last saw each other and also I was a jerk and threw you across the sea with the Force to get you out of my way and I abandoned you without saying goodbye to isolate myself on an island in the middle of nowhere until my ghost mentor reminded me I could save the day".

ButWeDon'tHavetimetounpackThatNow.jpg

Rey takes the Falcon to the Lars' moisture farm on Tatooine with BB-8. No one is in sight. This is an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere, not a shrine to the Legend of Luke Skywalker. Rey slides down the sides on a piece of metal and into the courtyard. She wraps up Luke and Leia's sabers and... we cut to her back up on the ridge near the droid garage, using the Force to bury them in the sand.

Then she pulls out her own saber and it's yellow-bladed and looks like a double quarterstaff (although I only saw the top blade ignite). What she should have had this entire movie.

There's a random woman with an eopie there, who... came over to investigate? there is literally NO ONE ELSE FOR MILES. HOW????

The woman asks who she is, and we have callbacks to that earlier conversation on Pasaana. Rey hesitates, sees Luke and Leia's ghost on the horizon, smiling their approval and says "Rey Skywalker". The movie ends with her standing watching the double sunset... alone except for BB-8.

Wow, she's literally come full circle from being alone in the desert with a droid to being alone in a different desert with the same droid. What the fuck.

Cue triumphant music and credits.

Oh, and I just realized we never found out what was so important for Finn to tell Rey about... so that went nowhere. I assume it's "he can use the Force" but apparently that wasn't important enough to ACTUALLY INCLUDE, sigh.

Did Rey fuck off to Tatooine to be a hermit? Is she going back to her friends? Is she going to train the next generation of Jedi? How will she keep the cycle from repeating? Is it broken? Is Palpatine really dead this time??? How does she feel about Kylo/Ben?? Is HIS ghost still around stalking her, too? Why did she take the Falcon? Doesn't it belong to Chewie now? Why didn't the rest of the gang come with her???? I'm so confused.

This was even worse than I had anticipated, and I came into this with super-low expectations. This wasn’t bad in a “bad B-movie kind of way,” this was bad in the “nothing makes sense, it’s all jumbled blur, I am numb and cannot begin to care” kind of spectacle. I cannot imagine watching this in a theater. No wonder the critics savaged this.

#star wars #lily liveblogs #WHY DISNEY WHY

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captainmazzic · 4 years

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Saw The Last Episode this morning so I can finally have a dash again, apologies to the dozen or so blogs I unfollowed earlier so I could cope

anyway

star wars spoilers under the cut for my hot steaming rotting carcass of an oPiNiOn

Okay so it was... an okay movie. It moved too fast and tried to do too much and introduce too many brand new characters that could have been used better, but. The parts I liked, I LOVED. The parts I didn’t... well let’s just say that Star Wars will be Star Wars, and there’s nothing I can do about that other than cherry-pick what I like and leave the rest for the vultures.

The number one thing that bothers me is mostly just... It’s kind of been a calling card of Star Wars that

1. villains can never survive their arc, and

2. any villain with a redemption arc (whatever THAT is) has to die at the end of it regardless.

The exceptions being Big Bad Clones Of the Big Bad, which might survive their first arc but ultimately all die in the end, What A Twist. That’s just... how Star Wars does things. That and its penchant for insisting that physical deformity or disability somehow always implies an inclination towards evil, and that is just utter fucking bullshit and it needs to STOP. With that and the villain death thing - mostly the villain death - it’s been like that since the OT, since the EU, since the RPGs and the comics and the novels and the video games. There’s been like, maybe two or three exceptions to the rule, and most of those are in the video games and the RPGs and so are ultimately up to user choice, but mostly those choices are often not the “official” “canon” ones anyway.

and it really bothers me, and it always has. It’s the number one reason I write fanfic, to fix the bullshit like this that they keep putting in Star Wars. Just... honestly would it have KILLED THEM to forcibly haul Hux away kicking and screaming so he could Face Justice or some other rationalizing bullshit you KNOW Poe and/or Finn is totally capable of, only for Hux to be awkwardly hanging around the perimeter of all the Celebratory Festivities at the end? That would have been liquid GOLD.

And would it have KILLED THEM to have Force Healing, like, I dunno, NOT be some sort of zero sum bullshit? That’s not how it works! That’s not how any of this works! Both Rey AND REN should have survived! It’s drawing on the Force Itself, on the entire galaxy, not just your own personal life energy! *headdesk*

But I mean. I don’t want to focus only on the shit that bothered me. There’s lots I enjoyed.

1. FORCE SENSITIVE FINN. I will die on this hill

2. THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP oh my god I love the Finn/Poe/Rey dynamic they are PRECIOUS I honestly could watch a nine hour movie of nothing but banter and shenanigans and couch cuddles and I’d be so motherfucking HAPPY. Bonus points if Rose and Hux and Ren can just. Join in. I need a peoplepile STAT

3. TINY NEW DROID BABY oh no it’s cute

4. Finn’s hair is so fucking hot, y’all. I just. *fans self* is it warm in here?

5. Palps my man, r u ok. Like srsly. I just wanted to hold his gnarled up hands and make him take a nap, this man is Edgelord McDramaPants and I love/hate him so much. “I am all of the Sith” my dude my buddy my pal my friend, there are literally thousands of Sith standing around you, and no matter what you tell yourself you’re still like... average-powered compared to some of the Ancient Dark Edgelords of the Sith. I know you’re a megalomaniac but sit down eat a sandwich and chill, I’ll take you for a manicure

6. Speaking of thousands of Sith standing around -- FUCKING FINALLY SOME ACKNOWLEDGMENT THAT BANITE SITH ARE/WERE UTTER BULLSHIT I mean there was the Lost Tribe of the Sith and plenty of others underground and on the downlow scattered around the galaxy in old canon, but it was nice to have it up front. Can u imagine the sort of response some of my own Sith would have to an invitation/summons to a place like Exegol by the likes of Palpatine it’d be hilarious

7. Rey’s little nose scrunch will never not be adorable

8. I really. really. enjoyed the atmosphere on Exegol. I am also an Edgelord DramaDarkerton and fuck if the vibes on that world didn’t give me shivers. I love it. I love everything about it. The foggy barren landscape, the giant stark monoliths, the depths of (not quite) abandoned temples and monuments, the jagged throne, the chanting hooded figures, even the flashing lightning that threatened to trigger a seizure BUT IT DIDN’T SO I WIN AHAHAHA *cough* so yeah I love all of that and I really wanted more more moremoremoremoreMORE GIMME *grabbyhands*

9. They didn’t do much but just the fact that the Knights of Ren were there made me happy. Kinda wished they’d been more like a Ride Or Die honor guard, so WELP I guess that’s what they are now in Sarc’s Canon and that’s the only canon that mAtTeRs lolololol

10. “I’M THE SPY!” I love you, you precious, fucked up little man, come here

Anyway. It was a much better movie than The Last Jedi, imo, but there’s still a LOT that needs cherrypicking. So I’m just blithely going to say this is What Actually Happened, In The Star Wars According To Sarc:

Hux gets dragged along with Poe/Finn/Rey, whining and complaining the entire time, on a bum leg, because you KNOW Poe shot him in the leg anyway even if he planned on taking Hux with him. Because why not, right? the dickwad asked for it, after all.

Snap goes EV because he ejected at the last possible second and ends up shaken and battered but otherwise alright DO NOT TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME TOO

The Knights of Ren recognized Ren as their rightful leader and were properly Ride Or Die with him, a man needs his honor guard after all

Ren’s Force Healing does the trick but since it’s drawing on the power of the Force itself, and not some zero-sum personal life energy shenanigans, it doesn’t make him mysteriously keel over and Die For No Reason. He just passes out and Rey has to haul his heavy ass back to the ship by herself. He doesn’t hear the end of it for months.

Reunions are both full of celebration, relief, and grief for those who have fallen, and also full of lots of awkwardness and uncomfortable glances at some of our Intrepid Villains suddenly being thrust in with all the Good Guysᵗᵐ and trying to cope. But they make it out okay in the end. Our new group of Awkward Friends hold a vigil for Luke, Leia, and Han before leaving Ajan Kloss.

And the Millennium Falcon launches out with a crew of seven. Rey, Poe, Finn, Rose, Ben, Hux, and Chewie - not quite yet entirely comfortable with each other but learning that sometimes the unlikeliest of friendships can blossom even from within the most bitter of enemies.

The end ah yes that was a good movie glad I can ignore this weird thing called canon lalalala (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

#star wars spoilers #the rise of skywalker #the rise of skywalker spoilers #sarc watches star wars #sarc has opinions

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kyluxtrashpit · 4 years

Text

K so I said I might write a post about what I wanted from ep 9 and then I ended up doing it. So this is essentially a summary of the movie I would’ve made if someone gave me that ability. It’s not fully fleshed out, but I literally could not stop myself from typing it out once I starting piecing it together lmao

Even though this is my own creation, I still consider this a spoilery post SO WARNING FOR RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS RIGHT HERE

I still think the best thing to do with ep 9 would be to centre it on the FO falling apart instead of ‘oh no daddy palps is back :o’. Truth be told, I’d rewrite TLJ too if I could, but I’m going to try to work within its constraints on this as well as keep some tros stuff intact for the sake of trying to work with it. So here’s the basic plot of what I would’ve liked to see:

Kylo undermining and removing authority from Hux while he focuses on Force stuff. He’s still looking for secrets and holocrons, but there’s no palpatine

Meanwhile the Resistance is working on building up their forces and helping the little people, plus trying to get info to take down the FO

The focus of the Resistance side is them trying to get the strength to face the FO and working together and all that good stuff. Focus more on the small acts of goodness in the galaxy that bring people together and end up with those they help joining the Resistance. That’s where they get their strength

Rey’s story would also be mostly about mastering the Force (and Leia still helps to train her) and the love and family she’s found among the Resistance. She’s still stupidly powerful though. I’d love to make her a Skywalker, but hell, it’d even work if she remained a nobody. TLJ was her crucible; she knows who she is now. She doesn’t need anyone else to tell or write her story for her

Also I really want her to go grey jedi. So maybe she realizes what Luke really meant: it was time for the jedi not truly to end, but to change. To embrace emotion without losing themselves to it. To realize that the only true way to achieve balance is not by staying light in order to defeat the dark, but instead learning to master both and keeping the balance within herself. That way, when the darkness is defeated, it won’t need to rise again: true balance. This would be her growth in the story, to learn how to embrace true balance in the Force

Also Finn’s story is still going to focus on the Stormtroopers (and Jannah can 100% still be there). So he finds Jannah and her team in Act 1, and then in Act 2 they unearth some secrets as to how Stormtroopers are brainwashed. Conditioning can’t be broken out of by will alone; Finn was Force sensitive. But something else happened with Jannah and her company. An idea is born: could they recreate that on a large scale and free them all? That’d be a huge blow to the FO and it would save all those troopers who never had a choice in what to be

Poe’s focus would still be on becoming the leader they need him to be, with lots of fun trio moments. So his wouldn’t actually change that much, but nothing about him being a drug dealer. I’m sure Zori could still be worked in but tbh I didn’t feel she added much to the plot

Rose is there a lot more too and comes along on all their adventures, happy to liberate anyone they can. She’s always been in it for the little people and that’s where she shines

Also Kylo is even more erratic, even more lost. He feels torn apart all over again. He’s not doing well as SL; he thought it would make things clearer, but it didn’t. He’s unstable and feral, focusing on all the wrong things and making bad choices because of it

Near the end of Act 1 of the movie, Hux betrays Kylo in a near deadly fashion, but Kylo manages to escape by the skin of his teeth

The Resistance gets word of a civil war within the FO. It;s Hux’s fleet (the red troopers + newer FO officers) vs Kylo’s fleet (mostly the older imperials who remember Vader + the KOR – you can keep Pryde here too if you want). This is their chance. They can take advantage of the chaos

While Kylo recovers from Hux’s attack, he starts having doubts again. Nothing has felt right since he became SL but what other choice does he have? He can’t go back, can he? He’s not supposed to want to. And even if he did, he’s too far gone to ever be welcomed, even by his own mother. So he continues fighting against Hux, more harried and haunted than ever

This situation degrades quickly. Both sides are getting hits in, but Hux is winning. Worse yet: it’s spilling over and doing collateral damage. Places controlled by the FO are being exploited, even worse atrocities being committed against them in this rapid arms race to superiority

Hell, maybe Hux’s fleet still has those planet-destroying canons like Palps’ fleet cause why not, everyone seems to think SW needs a superweapon in it. Anyway

There’d be more development on the heroes’ side as I detailed above here. Rey helping people and learning to be grey. Finn discovering the secrets of the Stormtrooper program. Poe becoming a leader. Rose comes with them on their journeys. Leia is heard rather than seen for the most part; she’s surviving this time around, but her presence is felt through her messages and dialogue snippets rather than physically being in the scenes. Some of the footage could be used, especially her hug with Rey, but I’d use much less of it

The Resistance knows they have to hurry. Do they have enough people? They have no idea, but they’re gonna try anyway. They have to. And you can still have Lando do basically the same thing; show up, be cool, then go get some more people

I’d like to do more with the KOR too, but tbh I’m not sure how other than just some scenes of them and Kylo doing Ren Stuff (whatever that may be). But there’d definitely be something

Near the end of Act 2, there’s a particularly brutal fight. I’d want Kylo and the KOR on the ground here, doing their shit. It feels kinda cheap to have him almost die again but tros also had 2 death fake outs for Kylo before the actual death so fuck it lmao. He thinks he’s going to win (maybe Hux is even there? Or maybe Phasma is revived? Or even just some fancy trooper akin to FN-2199 or something. Maybe it’s even Force-nullifying tech), but then the last minute he gets his shit wrecked

He’s dying. He reaches out with the Force, violently, affecting everyone. Rey hears it through the shattered bond. Finn even hears it, though faintly. It hits Leia hardest of all

Meanwhile, Kylo sees the ghost of Anakin instead of a vision of Han. Anakin, who knows better than anyone what it is to turn to the dark, but also what it is to turn away from it. The scene would still play out similarly, but not mirror the past scene with Han so much

(Look, I know a lot of people don’t like bendemption, but I think that redemption is always possible as long as it’s written well. And that applies to pretty much any character. TROS just needed more time to develop it, which I am attempting to do here by showing Kylo’s instability at the beginning)

Anakin manages to heal Kylo enough to bring him back from the brink of death, but not fully. I don’t think I want Kylo to toss away his lightsaber, but he still could. Regardless, there’s some sort of symbolic gesture to prove he’s changed his mind

A ship arrives: it’s the Resistance. Finn and Poe are cautious, but Rey doesn’t fear him. She confronts him about this sudden change of heart, but she can feel his sincerity. So she reassures Finn and Poe and they bring him along, though no one is really happy about it. They fix him up

With Kylo’s fleet all but destroyed, Hux is ready to take out the Resistance and everyone who sympathizes. Now perhaps we have a planet the trio had previously visited get destroyed. There’s still an ultimatum from the FO to obey or die. It’s a crackdown. A final act to ensure domination of the galaxy. Hell, you can even still call it the Final Order if you want to

The Resistance now strikes. Lando’s getting more back up, if he can, but they take who they’ve got. Kylo is there and there’s a lot of mistrust (could be played for humour too) but not enough time to get into it. They need to do this or too many will die. If he tries anything, Rey will strike him down and she tells him so. She’s done listening to his attempts to get under her skin

This Kylo is also definitely more Ben (I’m mixed on whether he should just go back to his old name or not so I’m keeping him Kylo for the sake of this summary). There’s guilt, though. A lot of it. You can see it on his face and in what he says. But helping to fix this will be a start. His crimes aren’t forgotten; he wants to make up for them however he can

Also Finnrey happens. They kiss before the fight this time and it’s very cute and romantic

So basically the end fight is Resistance fleet vs FO fleet. Poe is leading the charge. Meanwhile, Finn, Jannah, Rose and company sneak on to try to end FO conditioning. Rey and Kylo also sneak on; they’re going for Hux and the elite troops he uses as guards

Hux is going to have to have Force-nullifying tech of some sort (which I think is extremely underused in the SW universe as a whole btw). But he underestimates what Rey (powerful as fuck) and Kylo (Skywalker) are capable of

I’m not 100% sure how this fight plays out but I think I want Rey and Kylo to take out Hux’s elite troops without being able to use the Force. It’d be a fun struggle to watch and also make the fight much more visceral and difficult for them. But they both know how to fight, so they win

On the other side, Finn, Jannah, and Rose manage to do whatever to free the Stormtroopers from mind control (I’m not sure exactly how this would happen, but it’s star wars, it doesn’t need to make much sense). We get the first stage of a full trooper rebellion. They go after the officers immediately

Outside, Poe is struggling, just like in tros. They might lose this. Even if the landing party wins, there’s just too many of them. Cue Lando bringing a big fleet to help and giving us an epic space battle

Back inside: something exciting happens and it turns into a struggle between Hux’s tech and their combined Force powers. This is how I think it should go:

Kylo gives Rey his Force powers, which knocks him unconscious. Rey now has the power to break through on her own. It shouldn’t be possible. She sends out a concussive blast that knocks Hux back. The ideal here would be Hux being captured and taken in alive to be tried for war crimes, but I know that’s asking too much lmao so

If I can’t have definitively alive Hux: Rey approaches him but the ship makes a buckling noise; her Force powers compromised the structural integrity. Debris falls, obscuring Hux (and probably implying it killed him), and she knows it’s time to run. Kylo also comes to around this moment and follows

(And for real, I’m also okay with Hux dying for sure here, because at least he got to have his day first, but this is fantasy land lmao so I’m just not gonna have it happen as far as that goes)

Finn, Jannah, and Rose lead the stormtroopers onto transports as the ship starts falling apart. Rey and Kylo (and Hux, if I got my way) show up and make it in too. They take off and make it out just as the Finalizer crumples. Everyone lives! (Plus Hux is plausibly still alive even if I can’t have him definitely alive sdkfsdkl)

They call for the fleet to stop; the Stormtroopers on every destroyer are rising up, freed from their shackles. Shot of FO officers tied up and captured as the Stormtroopers, without their helmets, celebrate

A sidenote: I can’t decide whether I want Kylo to have lost his Force powers permanently by giving them to Rey or for him to get them back. I think losing them would be a good act of sacrificial penance, but at the same time, I’m not sure if that’s a thing so lmao. I’m open to possibilities here

End bit would still be a celebration. Rey and Finn and Poe still hug. The Stormtroopers are happy. We can still have that moment with Lando and Jannah; the implication of trying to find where every one of the troopers came from. The FO officers have been imprisoned. Everything is right in the galaxy again

Now there’s one more scene with Kylo: he stands in front of a door, looking pensive, squeezing and unsqueezing his hands into fists. The shot moves to his back and the door opens. You can’t see what’s inside but you hear: “Ben?” followed by a pause, and then a small, broken “Mom.”. He steps inside and starts to fall to his knees. End scene

Now, as a last scene, we could still do Rey having a funeral for Luke on Tatooine and keep the ending shot basically the same except Leia and her saber aren’t there because Leia is alive. Rey could still decide to be a Skywalker if she’s a nobody. The shot of two suns. The End.

#oh boy I need to stop saying things about this movie and just move on lmao #but god could you imagine?#I think this would've been really cool #might be a little anime lmao but fuck it star wars has never been super deep anyway #I really did try to give every character something so I hope I succeeded!#shut up nerd #meta #text #long post #tros spoilers #rise of skywalker spoilers #spoilers

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roxannepolice · 5 years

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Long asks anon again, here to offer my opinion on the current wank. Rey as a character is rather blatantly breaking sw story rules and nothing is going to get SFF fans hackles up like rule breakage. This is root of both the MarySue accusations and current wank. Rey has a tragic backstory thats doubling as the only failure she can call her own. But its a) damn near entirely offscreen and b) serves as convenient justification for why shes competent at near everything that comes up.

Reys instantly good at the force because of a convenient force download that to the best of my knowledge only occured in the noncanon KOTOR II and quite frankly cant blame most of the general audience for not getting because without prior knowledge or the novelizations why would they? She has darkness in her but as so far used and touched it consequence free and its almost entirely symbolically externalized on the Kylo (and in SW symbolism is Real in a way it isnt in other narratives) Shes strong in the force because Light rises to meet Dark but to quote the current crop of movies ‘thats not how the force works) or at least thats never how it worked before. Shes the first SW protagonist to go behind enemy lines and come out with both hands in the second movie. For ppl wondering how come Luke and Ani never get labeled MarySues, this is why, they got thier asses handed to them, Rey hasnt. There /is/ something /off/ in Reys story, and ppl pick up on it. if you can make a post (w/ over 1k notes!) about how great it is that a character meant to prop up 7hrs worth of movies has little to no character development to go through, somethings off. If multiple ppl can make posts about how its neat Rey can tap into the darkside (still characterized as evil in ST) consequence free (with some quite frankly stupid justifications, 'shes disciplined’ really? jedi lacked a lot of things thats not one of them) somethings off and again, if the only failure your main heroine has is /entirely retroactive something’s off/. If the story were getting with the is the story most ppl think we are, a 'female empowerment’ (i dont feel particularly empowered by being told I have an equal chance at being a deus ex machina but ok) than well, her story is over and theres no need for IX (hell it could have been over in TFA, most ppl assumed she had accepted her place as the future jedi in that one) and no need for reylo The ST was always gonna deconstruct all that came before it purely by virtue of being a sequel. The tragedy of anakin skywalker is now a farce, the happy ot ending now a tragedy, and the mythopoetic structure shot to shit in the name of serialization and perpetual warfare. this stand true for all the sequel characters including rey and ben. the only question is are we going to get anything out of it? I compare it to home renovation. You can knock out a wall and the walls gone, but new opportunities arise. With Benlo, I’m reasonably confident that there will be at least some attempt to take advantage of the new space. With rey and the resistance kids? not so much. it just feels like they knocked down a blue wall to rebuild it as pink one and at the point it just feels like a waste of time because ive seen this before. Ive seen pure cinnamon roll desert orphan reform jedi order If this was all youre going to do that the fuck was the point? which circles around to my problem with team good guy this go around and That Scene. JJ twisted the story into a pretzel to justify the winners of the last round being the underdogs again and then rian twisted so much further the storys head may as well be up its own ass. And then at the very end he shoots it all to shit and rushes to reassure us its all gonna be okay. He removes the entire point of the underdog trope /the tension that comes from the fact that they might lose/. I mean there wasnt a whole lot of that to begin with already but really? So theres no tension that Reys gonna win so her journey feels frictionless, and theres no question where shes gonna end up so full offense why give a shit? Thats where the whole 'can rey lose a fight?’ thing comes from. Ppl want conflict in her arc to justify its existence and give us a reason why this her story to begin with. if the only character going through growth for all three movies is ben, if the only characters whos fate is up in the air is ben, and if all the tension in the reylo relationship comes from ben, then why is this /reys story/? why not just make it about the character actually driving all the drama and thus, the story? As a final thought, im going to add that having Kylo be aware and insecure that hes never gonna be as Iconic as Vader was a great story choice, regardless of where ends up. Current Rebels, on the other hand, seems to have not gotten the memo that they are never gonna be as iconic as Original Rebels, and the story itself seems to being trying to sell them to me as being better. Rey is Luke but better, Poe/Finn are Han wo the smuggler grit, and id be lying if i said it didnt piss me off.

Long asks anon to kick down ur door again, AND ANOTHER THING. SW is a lotta things. Subtle aint one of them, and St hasnt changed in that regard. If you have to debate it chances are either a) ur arguing counter to the text in which case mor power to you but not really helpful for predictions or intended meaning or b) /it aint there. A bunch of ppl didnt like anidala, but nobody doubted we were supposed to think they were in love by the end of AOTC, bunch of ppl didnt like poes arc, but no one doubts he fucked up by not listening to holdo was the intended take away. Which brings to rey and flaws or lack there of. Were told rey has flaws but she has yet to suffer any real consequences from them with the exception of The Damn Parentage Wank, which again, pulls the double duty of making her hyper competent at everything. Because rey has no consequences for her flaws, from a story function pov there aren’t any. If rey did have a flaw to overcome, we would all agree what it was

Now won’t you all just look at this beautiful, spot on rant which has been lagging in my askbox since the last time Rey’s flaws or lack thereof were the discourse’s focus (November, I believe?) and suddenly became a thing again, courtesy of Tweetgate. I think you really summed up the crux of this debate wonderfully, anon.

I particularly agree with the part about Rey not getting narratively punished for whatever flaws we’d like her to have (great point about returning from behind the enemy lines with both arms still in place), when SW don’t stay away from allowing characters to get “punished” even for otherwise applaudable features - vide Padmé, whose idealism is what Palps manipulates into gaining more power (this is why Padmé will never come off as a Mary Sue or too perfect, btw). But I’ll say even more - Rey doesn’t even get called out on her flaws, except for by Ben, who’s mostly dismissed as a baddie like Palpatine saying Luke was foolish to rely on his friends. Let’s just consider one thing - both Anakin and Luke get called out on their flaws by Yoda (Anakin repeatedly and by lots of other people for that matter) whereas with Rey, the same grumpy-yet-jolly senex pops up from the afterlife to further inform us what a great jedi material she is.

TBH, I have a very cynical theory as to why Rey is being pushed as the main character while it’s difficult to deny that it’s Kylo Ben who does all the plot heavy lifting. I’m pretty sure Ben’s arc was the first one DLF thought out (and the big question is, was it the only one they thought out) and only later on decided to make Rey the main character, which also involved much less spontaneous writing. Mind you, it’s not as if benepemption didn’t have a manufactured subtaste to it, but with Rey’s heroine’s journey stiff structure occasionally substitutes any in-world explanations of her actions (this is why I have to hope renperor has some narrative purpose rather than happening because lovers need to be separated and anti-hero needs to achieve what he wanted in 2nd act). I feel as if whatever potential her character had (and hopefully still has, pending IX) got smothered by layer upon layer of making her likable by everyone, which largely relied on negative characterization: she’s not helpless, she’s not too naive, not cynical, not too emotional, not too emotionless, not morally corruptible, not anything you’ve ever complained about regarding any SW character, not falling for the bad boy, not not not - and in the end it’s kinda difficult to say what Rey is like and while the goal of making her widely likable was achieved, it also made it almost impossible to view her as loveably flawed/annoying like the classic characters. And on top of all this is the matter of making her a nobody just like you!, as DLF appears to say with uncle Sam’s gesture (which also kinda assumes the existence of a Star Wars fan as some uniform entity? because if you identify with her, good for you, I just don’t understand why the franchise assumes I’ll identify with her by the grace of being a SW fan alone), because, as you excellently put it, the message here is that everyone can be chosen by God - which again, it’s not as if the saga ever contradicted this, so why the hell make a case of it? I can’t agree that it’s made into Rey’s flaw, though, imo her low birth only serves to further frame her as an oppressed virtue. And I definitely agree regarding too much of her growth being left off-screen, or before the story ever begins. The problem here isn’t even that it is left off-screen (it’s not as if we had huge insight into any of the pt or ot characters) but rather that her characterizations is left off-screen while being depicted as at least untypical (unique to put it bluntly) for her situation (same goes for Finn). A hopeful, kind person growing up on her on her own in slavery under a nicer name is a rarity and DLF makes a case for it being a rarity - and this sparks up curiosity in her past, as if market pandering to Re/sky wasn’t enough. So from this pov her un-reveal being frustrating isn’t just a case of not wanting to love her or her self only a potentially deeper psychological question getting answered with well, light.

I should add, Ben’s arc feels like the most spontaneous one (though Finn’s may yet be a masterpiece) and he’s the one to admit his fear of not living up to Vader’s legacy, because I think he’s the character serving as the creators’ vessel, more or less like Luke was Lucas’ avatar in ot. In his fear regarding Vader’s legacy one can feel Disney’s fear due to having bought popculture’s holy grail and not being entirely sure what to do with it. On this background, Rey (a literal scavenger of OT’s pieces) and rebels 2.0 repeatedly blessed by Leia come off as what DLF would want to be. And the result is that the character which was supposed to be Vader 2.0 proves the most original and surprising one, whereas “breaths of fresh air” come off as room aromatizers with “fresh” written on them.

And as far as the plot being bended into a pretzel and then disappearing up it’s own ass, well, a part of me is still hoping that taking virtually the same villains as before is a mythological-psychoanalitical metaphor of a nigredo repeating itself until the unconscious gets accepted by the conscious…. but, tbh, as the leaks flow this hope is withering.

#asks #cleaning up the askbox #long asks anon #sw negativity #let rey free from the corset disney

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obaewankenope · 7 years

Note

For the ask game, all the even ones that you haven't done yet!

ls is Oh you utter arse

10. do you think the jedi were right or wrong?

Fuuuck. They were right from a certain point of view? And also wrong, too?

Fucking fuck. Okay, so. The Jedi are an issue for me because they’re presented like they’re space monks, like Buddhists but they’re not. They’re an organised institution that has a core belief in a specific power that is technically beyond all living things even if they can harness them. That is like the belief in God. The belief in a specific thing that is all-powerful, all-knowing and all-seeing. Buddhists don’t believe that. They believe in harmony, in balance, in reincarnation. The Jedi believe you don’t die, you move on to another plane of existence: i.e. heaven.

So I have a major issue with them for the structure and perception of them in fandom and in the SW universe at large.

But, on some level, they’re not wrong with the way they deal with things. Life is about balance. You can’t have a constant stream of one thing without getting drops of water from that stream of Other Thing. It’s not possible because life, existence, is so complex and multi-faceted that everything interacts in microscopic to macroscopic ways that are so far beyond our current understanding that we end up scratching our heads in confusion.

Right. So, the Jedi are right about all things being connected and that there is some force out in the universe that affects all things. Now, I personally, call this gravity. Gravitational forces affect everything; quite literally everything. So you can argue that affecting gravity is the willful manipulation of the most divine power out there.

Anyway, I’m kinda digressing from the original question. Do I think the Jedi were right or wrong?

It depends entirely on the perspective of the Jedi. On the one hand, I could say: “yes, the Jedi were right because they fought against injustice and corruption and helped free the Naboo and didn’t want to be paid for their services hurrah!”, while on the other hand you could say: “nope, the Jedi were in the wrong because they took kids from their families, isolated them, and conditioned them until they were so emotionally repressed that the idea of dying didn’t even bother them half the time”.

Both are correct.

Both are wrong too.

The formation of the Jedi arose out of the destruction of the Old Republic and the Sith came from the Jedi. The New Republic was created (the one Palps destroyed) and it had thousands of years to develop. The fear of the galaxy at the time was that the Jedi of the time would eventually overthrow the Republic and create an Empire because they had the power and resources to do it basically. So the Jedi willingly let themselves be de-militarised and became beholden to the Senate. This worked. After all, it’s one heck of a way to calm down tension if you willingly hand someone the key to your cage and let them lock you in.

But the problem is that the Order and Republic then developed and evolved together for thousands of years. And, no matter what it’s implied by Lucas or EU/Legends, I can’t for one second think the Order was free of corruption. That’s tripe. No institution so closely aligned with one that is corrupted is free of corruption.

Whether it was high up or only on the low-levels is something I don’t know, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was either.

So, when you look at the actions of the Jedi, you have to consider the larger socio-cultural and socio-political environment in which they were made.

By the time of the Clone Wars, the Jedi were quite literally the dogsbody of the Republic. I mean, in The Phantom Menace, they couldn’t even interfere in the Naboo Crisis without Senatorial approval (though they had Valorum help them out there but look what happened after). In a way, you can say that the way the Council sent Jedi to Naboo without the Senate’s approval purely because Valorum said so, as a form of corruption. Corruption with a good intention, but corruption nonetheless.

I do believe the Jedi’s habit of preventing or limiting contact with families for the initiates and padawans to be wrong. The conditioning and specific environment the children are raised in, isolated from outside influences, kept in groups where their entire social and personal identity becomes this strange mix of what is wanted by the Order. Nah. It’s horrid and I don’t approve of that.

But the fact that the Jedi tried to fight injustice where and when they could, that they willingly went to war for the Republic, on the Republic’s orders. That they burned themselves out and died for the Republic... I can respect that. I can’t respect the motives of the Senate, or of Palpatine and the fact that he set it all up.

But I don’t think the Jedi were in the wrong for doing their duty, just the initial steps to their system of training is wrong; and the fact that they apparently didn’t notice any of the Sith until they were being slapped in the face with harsh reality (and still denying it after).

12. do you care who rey’s parents are?

Nope. Rey’s parents could be a tree and a sand-dune for all I care. She’s a precious darling who is going to fuck shit up for the First Order and I’m going to cackle while she does it

16. which movie/episode have you watched the most?

Of the Originals, it’d probably be ESB. Of the Prequels... TPM or ROTS.

18. what is your favorite star wars book or comic?

Star Wars: Darth Vader #6 comic bc it’s when Vader finds out Luke is his and Padme’s son and just kinda goes right up there on the scale of homicidal obsession with a dash of “I’m going to kill Sidious and take over the galaxy and my dear boy will be mine to control and look at and remember my dead wife who I couldn’t save ho ho ho!”

What can I say, I like the level of crazy he reaches here.

20. what do you hope will happen in future movies?

I would really like it if Finn and Poe got together, dragged Rose with them so she can be reluctant about it all, and went looking for Rey on Planet Luke’s Lonely Rock. I’d also like it if Finn got trained with Rey as well, leaving Poe and Rose to basically twiddle their thumbs, make awful jokes and for Poe to rail on Luke 24/7 for “leaving the General”. Then I’d like for something to happen (maybe they ‘kill’ Leia and Luke/Rey/Finn all feel it; Poe too for added funsies of angst) and they all go off ready to beat the snot out of the First Order.

Rey and Finn end up dealing with Hux and Kylo and whatever piss-poor Knights of Ren are about. Luke handles Snoke (maybe sacrifices himself in the process, that’d be good maybe). Poe gets in trouble and Rose saves his ass then ends up saving Rey and Finn’s from some blaster fire by shooting the shit out of troopers from her ship.

Then the end is basically Rey, Finn, Poe, and Rose all deciding “well this was fun, we’re gonna go on holiday, see ya!” and leave Chewie to handle everyone just so they can read the holonews on the day Chewie finally caves and murders someone for pissing him off too much.

22. favorite droid?

R2-D2 obvs

Star Wars Asks

#asks #ask games #kat answers #kat replies #star wars asks #holy shit this took AGES #poplitealqueen #Kat answers #People talk to me!!!

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atamascolily · 4 years

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Lily liveblogs: “The Rise of Skywalker”, part one

I only made it through the first hour tonight because I had to keep pausing to yell at the screen.

"The dead speak!" Okay, but I don't get it: how do they know the Emperor isn't a recording or a hologram? Or, I don't know, someone pretending to be him like the "Hand of Thrawn" duology?

"Supreme Leader Kylo Ren" will never not be a stupid title, gag.

So the Sith wayfinder is just... there. In a forest. In a box with a conveniently removable lid. Okay, I'm going to need some context here. (Ironically, this scene was added back into the film to provide context, lol.)

I actually really like the whole "Force compass" idea, although I wouldn't have made it a plot point in my fix-it if it hadn't already been a thing.

Why the hell would you fly a TIE when you’re supreme leader, those things are shitty af.

So he's the Supreme Leader and he just... runs off to Exegol alone? No backup whatsoever?? I guess Hux or the moffs or whatever does all the actual work, lol.

What can I say? Ian McDiarmid's still got it.

10/10 for aesthetics in the evil Sith pyramid ruins. Kylo looks so out of his league.

So Kylo did actually hear Darth Vader's voice in his head.... or thought he did. Wow.Does Kylo recognize the Emperor's voice? Who knows! But the look on his face when Palpatine says he played him is priceless.

It will surprise absolutely no one that I love the secret underground evil lab with Snoke clones floating in tanks and a "Black Hooded Robes" dress code.

The throne reveal with the flickering light and the medical stuff... excellent.

Kylo's really more a follower than a leader and it shows at how quickly he's willing to serve Palpatine.

Uh, Palps, the last time someone ordered Kylo to kill Rey it didn't go well.... I can't imagine you don't know that.

Poe and Finn teaming up to play against Chewie and still losing is delightful. Also: DATING.

Who the hell is Klaud? Should I know their name? What are they doing there on the Falcon randomly?

I gotta say, I love Poe and Finn and Chewie's dynamic in the drop-off scene. Also blasting through the wall. And the aesthetic of the ice planet in general.

Lightspeed skipping's still dumb, though. Like, everybody is totally right to ream them for it.

Rey's flip to the ground when she's done meditating is perfect.

The Leia footage looks like it ought to fit, but it doesn't look right to my eyes, even if though I can't figure out what's off about it in context.

The training course run is awesome, but I can't help wondering how that hood doesn't choke her in the process or at least get in the way. Nice improvised quarterstaff there.

What the hell is this moment with touching Vader's mask and making a connection with Rey, I don't get it. It's clearly meant to be a moment. Both Kylo and Rey have flashbacks to traumatic past memories, but why right at that moment???

Ahhh, I love Connix's new look here.

why is Rey giving the saber back to Leia?? She's totally earned it several times over in the last two movies. And who else is going to use it??(And when did it get fixed, last time we saw it was split in two as a ~metaphor~ or something.)

Aww, Rey's doing her Jedi independent study with the sacred texts that ghost!Yoda told Luke were so boring he was glad that they were burning just to fuck with Luke. (Ghost!Yoda was an asshole. I am offended on Yoda’s behalf.)

Yay for Poe and Rey interacting, but this is such a stupid conflict--or at least a stupid way to have written this kind of conflict. And yet somehow they still have more chemistry when Rey calls him "difficult" than Rey and Kylo have had in two entire films.

Why didn't Rey go on this mission again? I don't get it.

Poe's eyeroll on "Somehow, Palpatine returned" is the best.

Rose says what I'm thinking: "Do we believe this?" GOOD FOR HER.

"Dark science. Cloning." Dark Empire, here we come!

I would have bought Palpatine hiding in the Unknown Regions better if we already hadn't had Snoke hiding out there with an entirely different fleet/organization. Even assuming Snoke is Palpatine's puppet, how could Kylo not... notice?? Maybe he's just that self-absorbed.

And they only have 16 hours before the attack. What a stupid arbitrary deadline to create suspense that ALSO makes no world-building sense. Got it.

(There are times when adding a deadline is a smart narrative choice and there are times when it is stupid. Guess which one this is.)

How does Rey connect Exegol to the books? I feel like the movie skips a step or two in explaining that.

What is Maz doing here?? I thought she was a free agent. Wouldn't it have been easier for her to bring the news from the FO mole, since she's usually the Agent of Exposition in these films?

Looks like the start of a Fetch Quest! Wow. Like I said, I really like the idea of the wayfinders, but not the execution. Also, way to shit on Luke for not finishing the job earlier.

What sort of relationship do Rey and Poe have that Poe is just casually gonna go along with her? I'm not complaining, I just would have liked to see some build-up... literally anywhere.

Finn invites Rose to come along... and she conveniently declines. WTF. I mean, there could be some UST here if you squint and I don't like this pairing, but... I don't get why she declines, except plot, I guess.

Poe is rocking that scarf action.

Leia gives the saber back... all of Leia's scenes with Rey are literally the same. I think that's what bothers me. They just.. happen and they're all the same, because they're re-using old footage, and it doesn't quite fit the context of the narrative. And we just saw Rey give Leia the saber, so it doesn't quite pack the emotional punch it ought to when Leia gives it back so quickly before Rey has "earned" it. WASTE.

Kylo with the Knights of Ren, re-forging the mask he discarded in the last movie with the help of someone from... Planet of the Apes, I guess. Oh, hey, and there's no context or characterization for the Knights, they're just faceless background minions.

Also, WHY DO THE STORMTROOPERS CALL THEM "GHOULS"? That would actually be interesting to know why!!!

This movie is a bunch of ideas held together with duct tape and the barest streams of logic.

The moff council: most awkward meeting ever. Hux is legit trying not to laugh the entire time. Also, you can easily pick out the New Asshole Villain we're supposed to hate instead.

Kylo snaps at the one moff who actually asks a sensible question, lol, about Palpatine's ulterior motives. Kylo announces he's going to just fuck off with his biker gang to hunt for Rey, because it's not like he's Supreme Leader and actually in charge of anything...

Oh, hey, Space Burning Man. How about that. Poe actually facepalms, lol. ... How did they not notice that when they were landing??

There are just random First Order patrols on Pasaana? Really? Wouldn't they... I don't know, stand out? I need more context, this worldbuilding is so confusing.

Oh, fuck, Poe suggests they split the party, that's a terrible idea. I get that you're supposed to be a spymaster as well as a hotshot pilot, and your colleagues aren't exactly subtle, but...

All the aliens on Pasaana look like Ganesha, lol. I actually like the scene with the kid, because you can see how it pains Rey not to have a family--it's a good scene, it's just in the wrong place.

Geh. Time for more Force(d) Skype sessions with Kylo Ren, sigh.

"Serving another master?" Rey has Kylo's number 100% right there.

Oh, okay, so apparently they saw each other's worst moments in that vision sequence, got it. Still no good reason as to why, though or what Darth Vader’s mask had to do with it.

Kylo sounds like such a stalker here. Scratch that--he IS a fucking stalker here. I don't find that attractive at all. "When I offer you my hand again, you'll take it" is a THREAT, and I want to deck him, especially since it’s very clear it will come true (but the context will have changed, which is supposed to make it okay, but is still gross to me).

What the fuck it got worse, he actually touched her and pulled the necklace off GROSS. (Also, HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE???? Didn’t Luke die from pushing himself through space like that???)

Like how does the stormtrooper just start pointing a gun at them and nobody in the crowd notices? And nobody bats an eye when Lando shoots the stormtrooper, either. What?? And that stormtrooper was just patrolling by... himself? WHAT?

This fetch quest is SO STUPID whhhhhhyyyyyyyyy

Makes sense that Luke would hunt down a "Jedi Killer" except... what Jedi did this Ochi fucking kill? All of Luke's students died when Kylo destroyed the temple, so who was left to kill???? I DON'T GET IT. Also, is Ochi a Sith himself, or just in the employ of the Sith? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.

How does Poe know where Lurch Canyon is? Do they have local planetary maps in the Falcon??

Poe would 100% know how to hotwire a speeder. But why do they have to take two of them??

How come this is the first time FINN has seen a FO stormtrooper with jetpacks? Is he mad that they never gave him one???

Personal jetpacks are one of those things that sound cool, but are actually really difficult to work with in practice, lol. I can't imagine strapping something that explosive against my back.

Wait, Rey is able to shoot out an entire craft with a small hand blaster??

Ochi's ship is just... there. On the rocks. the entire time. I guess there aren't any scavengers on Pasaana.

Conveniently, they only start sinking in the sand once the trooper is no longer firing.

"Rey, I never told you..." what?

what is the point of the exchange with General Leia to build tension wtf. But Rose is just there, I guess!

Poe's eyeroll when Rey turns on the lightsaber and he flicks on his lamp and realizes... hers is bigger. LOL.

Poe is so jealous of Finn and Rey, it would be cute if he weren't an asshole about it. Finn's like "tell us about all the shifty stuff you do" which would make more sense if the films actually showed us spymaster stuff in action instead of just talking about it most of the time. (Yes, I know, there was that mission to get the map at the beginning of TFA, but that was... it? And also two movies ago, so hasn't played a role in character development since. FINN got the spy mission in the last film.)

that dagger is... just conveniently there, huh.

Rey gets a vision when she picks up the dagger, she is TOTALLY A PSYCHOMETRIST, fight me.

Why would you put the location of the wayfinder on a dagger, this makes no fucking sense, this fetch quest is so dumbbbbbbbbbb. Also Threepio's programming is such a STUPID OBSTACLE TO OVERCOME on so many levels gaaaaaahhhh.

We're a half-hour in, and most of the movie so far could have been cut without missing ANY of it, fuck.

Threepio yelling "Serpent!" is actually kinda funny to me, but not in this particular context.

I really love the serpent-creature-sandworm-thing and I'm just sad this side quest has so little relationship to anything in the actual main plot because THIS COULD HAVE BEEN INTERESTING. Also, convenient healing magic time! (Introduced here so it seems like less of an asspull later.)

Rey is just so casual about how she transferred a bit of her life energy to the worm. Does it come back? Is it renewable? Is this permanent? I NEED MORE CONTEXT THAT THIS. I feel like I would be hella shaken to realize I’d just done something like this.

If the Knights of Ren had any distinguishing features or personalities, I'd be more nervous about them, but no, they're just mooks with better armor.

So they just assume the FO is watching the Falcon instead of impounding it? Seems like a bold choice, but okay. And what are the Pits of Grig?

Between the lightsaber when Rey was healing the worm and her bag and staff just now, Finn is really just there to carry Rey's things, isn't he? What a WASTE. I HATE THIS SO MUCH.

And the Sith ship... just works. Hasn't been scavenged or damaged at all in years. Okay then.

Gotta admit, I love Rey wandering off into the desert, lightsaber on her belt and blaster on her side holster like a badass.

Finn says, "It's Ren," and I'm like YEAH FINN, but also.. how does he know? Lucky guess? Process of elimination. LET HIM HAVE THE FORCE YOU COWARDS.

Oh, the FO captured Chewie and now they conveniently have the dagger. Sigh. THIS STUPID FETCH QUEST.

Rey's leap over Kylo's TIE is fucking EPIC and I love it. Sadly, Kylo is not dead for some reason despite his ship fucking exploding.

Also FUCK YEAH Rey just grabbed the ship out of the SKY with the FORCE, she is not fucking around. Of course Kylo starts playing tug of war and it explodes, and everyone's devastated except there were TWO TRANSPORTS in the last shot, so I'm just like... I see what you did there.

Also, the same thing happened the LAST time Kylo and Rey tried to play tug of war with an object (the Skywalker lightsaber, which Rey re-built off-screen, so you'd be forgiven for forgetting that happened--which again, would have actually been interesting instead of all the handoffs to/from Leia) so LITERALLY NOTHING HAS CHANGED, so I don’t even understand what the writers are trying to accomplish here.

Also, why does Kylo go for the ship instead of trying to Force choke her directly?? I don't get it.

i'm sad she doesn't bring the transport down on his fucking head, lol.

Wait. Force lightning. She pulls FORCE LIGHTNING??? wtfffffffffffffff?

Where the FUCK did Kylo go while Rey's angsting over Chewie? Was he even there to begin with? What is reality in this movie? What the FUCK??? (Normally, questioning reality would be my jam, but that's not supposed to be a theme of this movie.)

Nope, he's just standing there, not attacking her, because... why?? He's scared and horny because she blasted Force Lightning, and he thinks she's about to turn it on him? (I WISH.)

And he just... lets her go... WHY????????????

Meanwhile, in an asteroid field, Finn and Rey are having a moment, and it's really sweet, and maybe it's just my shipping goggles talking, but would this pairing have been so bad? It would have been so great instead of what we're getting with Kylo. Sigh.

Rey also has a vision of the throne room of the Sith with her and Ren as emperor and empress, gag, gag, gag. John Boyega looks so sad, here, and dude, #same.

Threepio uses the word "sinful" to describe the procedure they're going to use on him, which... actually says a lot about droids in this universe and I am drowning in feels.

SO NOW THEY'RE GOING TO KIJIMI FOR THIS STUPID FETCH QUEST AAARRRRGGGHHHHH dagger macguffin blew up and this quest is still not ovvvveerrrrrr

(I actually don't hate this movie as much as I hated TLJ - this is still dumb, but it's dumb in a way that is just dumb, as opposed to TLJ, which was still dumb but trying to be clever and smart and special and sophisticated about by winking knowingly as it "subverted expectations" by shafting all of my faves. This movie doesn't have the self-awareness to wink.)

They all clasp hands and I'm supposd to feel something but I don't because the group bond doesn't feel real to me or developed or EARNED, and also Threepio rushes in to join them and they're about to shaft him (and he already had that conversation with Artoo about how Artoo was his only real friend, sob). sigggghhhhhhhh.

They only have 8 hours to save the world and it takes HOW long to fly to Kijimi in that derelict ship? Just asking.

But somebody EVVILLLL was following them the whole time, lolololol.

D-O looks like a lamp, but he and BB-8 bond over being Round Things, I guess.

Rey tries to reassure D-O that he's safe, but considering what they're going to Kijimi to do to Threepio, I'm not buying it.

(Apparently, since Han and Luke are dead, and Leia's off-limits for the moment, it's Threepio who gets shafted in this film? Sigh.)

I actually like the landscape of Kijimi, even though it feels more like Disney World with fascism and snow than an actual place. Maybe it's just because Poe looks so good in that hooded jacket.

Zorri can't resist Poe when he looks at her like that. Oscar Isaac's just that good. I literally don't know why this character is here except to provide an unncessary love interest, though.

Poe as a spice runner (aka drug smuggler) is SO STUPID and also MAKES NO SENSE WITH THE REST OF HIS ESTABLISHED BACKSTORY. Also, like... way to make the Latinx character the classic stereotype even in a futuristic space film. Like, you have to go OUT OF YOUR WAY to do that. gag

Funny that Rey doesn't ask the translator droid WHO'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER what Babu Frik says.

So Sith is a language now? Why do the Sith have their own secret language and the Jedi don't? What are the Sith in nu!canon? A culture? A cult? Is the Rule of Two still canon? WTF is even going on here??

Threepio deciding to sacrifice himself to save the world breaks my heart, especially since he's trying to console himself by calling the party his "friends". YOU DESERVED BETTER, THREEPIO, I'M SO SORRY.

Poe and Zorri are up on the rooftop... she's still wearing her helmet. I'm not sure why you cast a famous actor if you're never going to show their face, but whatever, fine. Zorii says the FO took all the kids, and she's going to the "Colonies", whatever that means. I'm not sure how that's possible, this world-building really sucks. Would they take ALL the kids? Somehow, I doubt it. Even the rich kids? What about the non-human ones? What is the FO's relationship to Kijimi, anyway??? I DON'T GET IT.

Oh, hai, another macguffin. This one's a FO captain's medallion, which lets you land anywhere. And she's just going to give it to Poe because... he's just that hot.

Why did the Emperor put a wayfinder on ENDOR of all places. (Okay, it's not the "forest moon" of ROTJ, it's Kef Bir or something like that, but still. WTF.)

We're an hour in and this fetch quest is still GOING. WHHHHHHHHYYYYY.

I'm surprised Rey hasn't realized that Palpatine has made contact with Kylo and doesn't just fed-ex herself to him and pretend to join him so they can go visit and she can destroy Palps. I mean, that TOTALLY worked in the last film, right??? Why wouldn't she do that again???

(Alternately, there's stealing Kylo's wayfinder, which again nobody seems to consider as an option. Do they not know about that one? I'm sooooo confused.)

"Only this blade tells" is super-creepy in that robotic monotone, y'all.

There is literally NO REASON for Zorii to give up her dreams by proxy through the medallion macguffin except that Poe is so hot. No reason at all. Sigh. SHE COULD COME WITH THEM BUT SHE DOESN'T, BECAUSE PLOT. She’s literally a living plot device instead of a character and I hate it.

#star wars #WHY DISNEY WHY #lily liveblogs

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