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#and what I want is a huge spectrum of things but also dressing like I want feels like a rebellion and a riot

littlespacereader · 6 months

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AN ~ I’m so sorry it’s long past Halloween but here is the long awaited Hannibal Halloween special!! I got a little carried away and wrote a super long fic but I really hope you guys enjoy it!! Also @shadowlord23, I hope you like the inclusion with the reader being on the spectrum. I hope this did you justice:) Thank you to everyone who has been waiting patiently for this fic! I really hope it’s everything you wanted! With that please enjoy!

The Haunted Maze🎃👻

Caregiver!Will Graham, Caregiver!Hannibal Lector & Fem Little!Reader

(SFW)

(No one is evil. Based loosely on the Hannibal tv series minus the killings/cannibalism)

Tags - References to Blues Clues, pacifiers, diapers, accidents, Halloween scares, Mathew Brown is your best friend, reader is autistic, cuddles and fluff, protective Hannibal and Will.

Nicknames - Papa for Hannibal, Dadee for Will, Darling, Blue, Little Blue, Sweetheart.

Fall had finally arrived to Virginia and it was beautiful! The leafs were changing colors, it’s finally cool enough to wear sweaters and best of all it was time for Halloween!

I was looking forward to Halloween all month long! It’s my first Halloween with my Caregivers Hannibal and Will and I couldn’t be more excited!!

Though, I thought Halloween night would be spent dressing up, eating a ton of candy at home, and passing out on the couch during a fun Halloween movie marathon.

But that was all ruined when an invitation came in the mail. Dr. Fredrick Chilton was throwing a Halloween party and the three of us were invited. Like myself, Will isn’t too found of Chilton at all. The man is self absorbed and at times rude.

Hannibal also isn’t the biggest fan of his either, but he also isn’t rude. So he accepted the invitation on behalf of the three of us. So now we would be spending Halloween at Chilton’s Halloween party…

But first things first, what would the three of us be for Halloween? What would be our costumes? Naturally since this is my first Halloween with Will and Hannibal, we all had to dress up together.

Hannibal seemed enthusiastic when I brought up the idea. Will…a little less at first but I promised I would find the best fit for all of us. So the three of us started to brainstorm.

First was for me to go as Barbie and Will and Hannibal go as Ken. But as much as the two were handsome enough to go as Ken, it didn’t feel right to them. So onto the next idea.

Next was for Will and Hannibal to go as Bert and Ernie and for myself to go as Abby Cadabby. I’m a huge Sesame Street fan when I’m regressed! But the idea of being Bert and Ernie infront of their colleagues and friends wasn’t too appealing to Hannibal and Will.

Next was having Will as a knight, Hannibal as a King and myself as a princess. Simply and workable! They seemed to like the idea! So off to the costume store we went! But once we got there and started trying things on, we could see it was going to be an issue for both Will and myself who are both on the spectrum.

Most costumes are made with cheap and itchy material that just made mine and Will’s skin crawl! So that costume idea was also scratched.

After an exhausting trip to the costume store the three of us settled into the night and watched one of my favorite tv shows and hyper fixations, Blues Clues. That’s when our Halloween costume hit me.

“That’s it! That’s it!!” I sat up, shaking Will and Hannibal’s arms!

Hannibal smiled at Y/N’s sudden enjoyment. “What is it? Did you figure out the clue?”

“No…not yet. I know what we’re going to be for Halloween!!!” I started to say.

I pointed to Hannibal, “You’re gonna be Steve.”

Then I pointed to Will “You’re gonna be Josh.”

“And I’m gonna be Blue! We’ll be a Blues Clues costume together!!”

Will and Hannibal couldn’t argue with that enthusiasm. And the idea worked well! All Will and Hannibal had to get was the green striped shirt for Steve and a blue striped for Josh. Which would be comfortable and warm considering the weather outside.

As for myself, they found a comfortable onesie of Blue for me to wear, complete with hair clips for Blue’s ears. (They also had a headband option for the ears but that would be too tight on my head and would cause headaches)

So with our costume picked out and our plans set, all we had to do was wait till Halloween.

~~~

The wait was over!! It’s finally Halloween day and the Lector-Graham house was bouncing with excitement. Our costumes had come in weeks before and now was the moment of truth!

I couldn’t contain my excitement all day. It’s hard to! Not when your two caregivers are literally the host of Blues Clues and you’re Blue.

Hannibal looked adorable in the green striped polo shirt. He paired the outfit with the tan pants Steve would normally wear. Will also looked amazing in the blue striped shirt Josh wears in the new season of Blues Clues. He especially loved the choice since it was comfortable and not too crazy. Will wasn’t one for being the center of attention, something Hannibal and I knew well. And I couldn’t blame him…I’m the same way.

I ran around the house all day in my Blue Clues onesie! For starters the costume was a great choice because I felt like I was basically wearing pajamas all day! Secondly the onesie was super soft against my skin. It felt like being wrapped in a blanket!

Will and Hannibal couldn’t get over my costume either. They just kept saying how adorable I looked! All day Hannibal and Will would light up every time I came bouncing into the room in my costume. Always asking me if I left a clue being for them or start singing the theme song. It always made me giggle.

It was an hour before the party. Hannibal and Will were in the kitchen gathering everything they were bringing to the party when I popped in.

“Dadee! Papa!” I said as I burst into the kitchen.

Will smiled seeing the still dressed in my costume. “Hello Blue. Did you hide another clue for us?”

I giggled to his question, “Not yet! I have a question though, can I bring Magenta?” I held the pink dog stuffie in the air. Magenta is Blue’s best friend in the show so naturally she would have to join me!

“Of course you can darling. But you must keep an eye on her. We don’t want her to get lost at the party.” Hannibal said getting a big smile from me.

I ran over and took a seat on one of the barstools, watching as the two Caregivers packed a bag to go to the party. Well actually two bags…one being the party’s gift (a bottle of wine no doubt) and one I recognized right away, my diaper bag.

My bag had everything I could need while regressed, diapers and supplies, my pacifier, sippy cups and more I’m sure.

“Papa I don’t need my bag.” I pointed out to him. I was wearing a diaper already. I was already protected.

He stopped mid packing it and gave me a look, a look I knew all too well. “Y/N, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. We talked about this.”

It’s true, we did have this talk. It’s just that I’m new to this dynamic of being out in public while regressed. It was something I was getting used to still. Something I was still shy about.

We had a nice community of friends who had regressed Littles of their own. Jack and Bella have Beverly who’s regresses around the age of a teenager (13-16). Fredrick has Mathew who’s my best friend and closes to my headspace, being a kid (5-7) and Alana and Margot have Freddie who regresses to a teenager as well.

But I’m the youngest in the group being a Toddler headspace. (2-4) I have accidents from time to time, I drink from a sippy cup and I have a pacifier, among other little things.

I just feel shy about my younger headspace around other people. I’m okay with Will and Hannibal helping me through accidents and such while Little. Of course they’re the best, making me feel safe and comfortable all the time whether I’m in a diaper, or pull-up or not. They always take care of me and my needs. But it’s different being in public with others.

“I know, it’s just…it’s a big party and everyone will see the bag and...they’ll know.” Not that they all didn’t know my headspace, but still…

Will put a hand on my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts. “You know no one would judge you for needing a little protection. But if you’re very worried, we can keep it in the car so incase we need it it’s there. But that way it’s not in sight of anyone. Sound good?”

I immediately nodded my head and sighed with content. That did sound better. That way if I did have an accident or needed something I would be okay, but no one at the party would see. It sounded perfect.

Hannibal continued packing. Inside was everything they could need just incase. A change of clothes (blues clues themed of course), a pacifier, extra diapers and pull-ups and supplies for a change.

In the other bag was a bottle of wine for Fredrick as a thank you for the invitation as well as some safe foods for Y/N in case there was no foods at the party she felt like eating. Hannibal was nothing if not prepared!

Finally it was time to go! With the car loaded up, bags packed and myself all buckled up thanks to Will because seatbelts were hard when regressed, we were on their way to Chilton’s house!

When we pulled up there were already a couple of cars in the driveway. It suddenly hit me the idea of seeing everyone. But before I knew it Hannibal was helping me get unbuckled. Once out of the car I paused looking at the house. A sense of dread came over me. Maybe I didn’t want to be social today. Maybe I wanted to go back home.

Hannibal knew immediately how I was feeling by just a look, being the amazing Caregiver and therapist he was. He took my hand tightly in his. “It’s just Chilton’s and Jack’s car. Looks like we’re the second ones here.” He explained.

I nodded my head and with a deep breath we pushed forward. Knowing who was here made me feel a bit better. I hated surprises.

Soon we made our way up the steps and to the front door. I was standing between Hannibal and Will, holding onto both their hands now. The front yard was filled with spooky decorations and lights, but nothing too scary yet.

Hannibal rang the front door and we waited. The door slowly opened by itself causing me to hide behind Will, hiding my face against his back. Will and Hannibal found it adorable. They could already sense who the culprit was.

Suddenly Mathew jumped out dressed in a Superman costume. “BOO!” He yelled causing me to jump slightly.

Hannibal and Will smiled at Mathew, “Happy Halloween Superman. Thank you for inviting us over.” Hannibal smirked.

“What are you guys supposed to be? Guys in striped shirts? And where’s Y/N?” Mathew asked, tilting his head.

I peered out from behind Will, “They’re Steve and Josh from Blues Clues. And I’m Blue.”

Mathew face lit up at the realization, “Y/N! You look great!! I love the costume! Come on! Come in! I gotta show you everything!”

Mathew grabbed my hand and started to pull me inside. I shot a look to Hannibal and Will, as if to ask if it was okay. With a smile and nod from both of them I was lead into the house by Mathew, Hannibal and Will not far behind.

Chilton’s house was all decorated for the holiday. Cobwebs hung from the ceiling, there was green and orange lights hanging up along with scary decorations like face blood or scary faces. Both of which had me sticking close to Mathew.

We walked into the kitchen where everyone seemed to be hanging out. All the attention was on me the moment I entered the kitchen.

“Y/N, welcome to the haunted mansion.” Fredrick said with a haunting voice. He was dressed up in his usual suit, nothing special. What was he supposed to be? Himself?

“Hi Uncle Fredrick.” I said softly, stick close to Mathew.

“He’s not Uncle Fredrick, he’s the evil Lex Luthor! My evil villain!” Matthew announced. Fredrick just rolled his eyes but smirked nonetheless.

“Hi Y/N, Happy Halloween!” Jack said as he held his arms up high pretending to be Frankenstein.

“What are you supposed to be? A blue dog?” Fredrick asked me snickering with a roll of his eyes.

Before I had a chance to defend myself and my costume, Bella, Jack’s wife dressed as Frankenstein’s Wife spoke up, “A blues dog?” She rolled her eyes back at him.

“I guess someone doesn’t recognize Blue from Blues Clues.” She walked over to me, “You even have Magenta with you?” I nodded my head and held her out for Bella to see.

She gasped and clapped her hands, “Your costume is amazing! You look adorable sweetheart!” She said wrapping me in a hug.

Bella is someone I liked to be around. She’s such a gentle and kind Caregiver. Plus she always sticks up and favored me out of all the Little friends Beverly had.

“I couldn’t agree more.” Hannibal said as he and Will entered the room and started to greet everyone.

Mathew took the distraction to his advantage, slipping away for a moment and then running back over to me. “Come on! I’ve got us something!” With that I was once again lead away.

Jack started to laugh seeing Will and Hannibal’s outfits. “It seems everyone got it easy this year. The both of you wearing sweaters, Dr. Chilton wearing a suit but Bella and I have to really dress up.”

The three shrugged. “In our defense we were originally going to be Bert and Erinie.” Will joked causing the group of Caregivers to laugh.

Mathew led me to his playroom where Beverly was hanging out. “There you are! I thought you got caught!”

“I just got distracted. Plus Y/N showed up! So now it’s a real party!”

Beverly smiled seeing me, “Y/N! Happy Halloween!” She gave me a big hug.

Beverly’s costume was so cool! She was dressed as Frankie from Monster High.

“You look so cool Beverly! I love your costume!” I really did! She looked just like the character, down to the make up and the outfit.

“Thank you! I like your costume too! Plus you have Magenta with you! That’s cool!”

“Ummm guys? Can we get back to the topic at hand? That being candy!!” Mathew emptied his pockets only the ground spilling all the different candies from it. “My dad says we can only have a few pieces of candy tonight so while everyone was distracted with Y/N, I grabbed a couple of handfuls for us!”

“Great job Matthew!!” Beverly exclaimed.

The three of us all sat around the pile of candy Mathew brought us and started to dig in. I was a bit hesitant at first, after all Hannibal and Will were very careful about what I ate. I had rules about candy, needing to ask one of them if I wanted to eat a piece first.

But if I did Mathew would get in trouble and then he wouldn’t like me…probably…maybe. So I decided that one piece of candy wouldn’t hurt to eat without Will and Hannibal’s permission.

Then after that piece I had another because I wanted to try this new one Mathew had gotten.

And I figured another one couldn’t hurt after that second piece of candy.

Then after that I said four is a nice even number. So I’ll have another piece of candy.

As we were enjoying the stolen candy we heard the front door to Uncle Fredrick’s house open up and people talking. Beverly started to panic. “Matt! Go hide the candy!”

Mathew grabbed all the candy and wrappers and stuffed them into his play kitchen’s refrigerator, then he shut the door with a slam.

He made it in record time because not a second later did Alana, Margot and Freddie walk into the playroom to greet us.

“Hi girls! Hi Mathew! Happy Halloween!” Alana said as she entered.

“Hi Aunt Alana and Margot.” We all greeted.

Alana and Margot were dressed like 1920’s gangsters. Freddie was dressed in a flapper’s dress complete with a beaded hat.

Margret kissed Freddie head, “Now you be good and play with your friends. We’ll be in the living room with the rest of the adults.”

And with that the adults left us once more, the only issue is they left us with Freddie. Out of all the Little in this immediate friend group, I like Freddie the least. She’s bossy, says mean things and away picks on me for being the youngest.

And it isn’t even her headspace because Beverly is the same one as her, but she always treats me nicely while Freddie does not. So I wasn’t too thrilled to see her.

“Beverly! Wow! You look awesome as Frankie! Mathew, looking cool as ever as Superman!” She stopped when she turned to me. “What are you supposed to be?”

“I’m Blue from Blues Clues.” I said plainly, looking down at Magenta in my hands.

“What even is Blues clues? Some sort of baby show?” She rolled her eyes.

“No! It’s a show for everyone! And it’s really good!” I said defending my favorite show.

“How do you not know Blues Clues? Do you live under a rock?” Mathew right away said sticking up for me.

“Yeah Freddie, even I know what Blues Clues is.” Beverly spoke up, siding with me as well.

“Nevermind! Okay? Today isn’t about stupid costumes anyway! It’s about who’s the bravest. I heard Uncle Fredrick has something planned that will test who’s the brave one of all.”

We all looked at her confused, then turned our attention to Mathew. Surely if anyone knew what she was talking about it would be him.

It took him a second to click into what she was saying, “Oh.” He said looking a bit uneasy. “You mean the haunted maze he has in the basement?”

I froze hearing that. Haunted maze? In the basement?! I’m NEVER allowed to go into the basement in my house for safety reasons. But I would never go down to begin with…it’s scary down there…

“I think I’ll be able to complete all by myself. You guys think you’ll be able to complete it at all?” She asked with a very pointed look towards me.

“Who cares about a haunted maze when we have candy!” Mathew grabbed a few from the fake refrigerator and started handing them out to us.

I started to eat my chocolate bar when I heard Freddie dramatically gasp. “Y/N! I thought your dads said no candies since they’re both health freaks.”

I looked at her like she was crazy, because she probably is, “They’re not health freaks Freddie.”

“So they’re okay with you eating candy?”

“Are your moms okay with you eating candy?” I replied back.

Silence hit the room until Beverly cut the tension. “Listen, none of our Caregivers want us to eat a lot of candy so no one is going to tell on anyone else. Got it? Good. Now let’s-.”

“Kids! Come to the living room for some crafts.” Will called out to us.

Mathew and I locked eyes and quickly threw the remaining wrappers into the little play fridge just in time. Will popped into the room just as the two of us stood by the play fridge.

“Come on you two, we have a movie on and some crafts.”

Beverly and Freddie left the playroom first followed by a shy looking Mathew who quicken took off the moment he passed Will. I tried my best not to look guilty but Will knows me better than that. Just before I walked past him he held my shoulder, stopping me from walking.

My heart sank and my world seemly froze. “Y/N? What’s in the fridge?” Will asked sincerely.

I was screwed. I knew I was. It was practically impossible to lie to Will and Hannibal. I mean ones a psychologist and the other is a profiler! Their job is literally reading people. But I tried anyway.

“Nothing.” I shrugged.

“Really? Then I just help myself to some plastic food then.” And with that Will started to walk towards the play fridge.

I grabbed his arm tried to pull him away but it was more like me sliding across the floor as he kept walking. “Noooo Dadee! It’s nothing! It’s empty!”

“Then you shouldn’t have to worry when I open it.” Will grabbed the handle and opened the fridge to reveal the mess of candy wrappers and uneaten candies. Will raised his eyebrow at me as if to say explain this.

I threw my hands up. “It wasn’t me! It was Mathew. He got the candy and everyone warned me not to tell. I’m sorry! I didn’t want to get him in trouble. Plus everyone would hate me if I told you.” I quickly explained.

“Did you eat a candy too or just cover up their lie?” Will asked, a bit disappointed. It started to crush me.

“I had two.” Or three, but realistically maybe seven. But hey! I was somewhat honest here. Did I eat candy? Yes. Did he need to know the amount?…..no.

He closed the play fridge and turned to me. “I don’t blame you for lying, while I’m not proud that you did I understand why you did, to protect Mathew. But what I am disappointed at is you having candy without our permission-.”

I went to interrupt him to explain again but he stopped me.

“Again, I understand where you’re coming from, you couldn’t ask us or it would’ve gotten Mathew in trouble. But that doesn’t means you should’ve had any candy.” Will explained.

I started to get more and more upset as he spoke. I didn’t want to be in trouble! I didn’t even want to be here! This wasn’t even my fault! Plus the whole no candy was stupid and everything was stupid! All at once I became overwhelmed.

Then came the water works and the frustrated tears. “I didn’t even want to come here! I just want to be with you and Papa for Halloween! It’s…this is all so much. I just…I don’t…”

I trail off and start crying. All the frustration, all the anger, all the overwhelming feeling and all the anxiety flooding out of me as I cried.

~~~

Will immediately sprang into action, scooping Y/N up into his arms and holding her close. He wrapped her legs around his hips and lightly bounced her in his arms.

If there was anyone who could see someone on the verge of a meltdown, it was Will. He knew with himself how overwhelming thoughts and emotions made him so he knew how Y/N must’ve been feeling.

He halted those emotion right were they started. One arm held her back and the other her head that laid on his shoulder. He softly shushed her and repeated “Its alright, you’re safe, you’re safe with me.”

After a moment or so Y/N’s tears and crying had stopped. She laid tired in his arms, head resting on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his neck, and a little sniffle here and there.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Will quickly answered back.

“If you want, I can go get Papa and the three of us can go home and relax the rest of the night.” Will started to offer but Y/N whined in response.

“I wanna stay with Mathew…and Beverly. They’re nice to me.” She explained.

“And Freddie isn’t?”

Y/N shook her head, “She always makes mean comments about you guys and about my headspace.”

It broke Will’s heart to hear his Little one was being bullied around by anyone, but Freddie no less. That was not going to slide with him.

“Let’s make a plan together. The next time she says something to you when we’re not around, I want you to let me or Papa know right away. Okay? That way we can put an end to it.“

Y/N nodded her head.

“If you ever feel overwhelmed or upset or anything. You know you can come to us. No matter who’s around, we will always take care of you first.” Will hugged Y/N tightly. “I love you more than you can imagine.”

Y/N hugged him back just as tight. Still happily held in his arms. “I love you too Dadee. Thank you.”

They stayed together in the playroom for a moment more, just the two of us holding one another. It was nice, a quiet moment alone to help Y/N reset and feel comfortable again.

“Why don’t we join everyone in the living room? They’ve got some coloring books and crafts on the coffee tables. They’re also playing a Halloween movie on the tv.” Will suggested after a moment.

Y/N lifted her head to that. I felt a lot better than I did before. “Yeah let’s go.”

With all the frustration let out and a new plan for the two of them. They both felt better as Will carried Y/N into the living room.

~~~

Inside the living room all the adults sat on the couches talking about boring adult stuff as always. One of the coffee tables has an assortment of different coloring books and the other had a bunch of crafts.

Beverly and Freddie were making a craft together, with Freddie complaining about how boring she thought it was to Beverly. Mathew sat alone at the other table, absently coloring a picture in one of the coloring books.

Once I came back to the party he lifted his head and smiled. “Y/N!” He ran over to Will and I. “I found the best coloring book for us to color! It has pumpkins, ghosts, skeletons and more!”

Will looked at me almost as if to ask me if I wanted to be put down. I nodded my head and was left down out of Will’s arms. Mathew took my hand and led me other to the coffee table to start coloring while Will joined a concerned Hannibal. He sat down and quietly explain what had happened.

Mathew was right, these coloring books were awesome!! They had some many interesting designs and characters. I started with a photo of a ghost and began to color beside Mathew.

But Mathew stopped me after a minute. I looked up to meet his sadden eyes and guilt ridden face. “Y/N, I’m so sorry if you got in trouble for the whole candy thing. I should’ve stayed with you and told Uncle Will the truth. I’m a terrible friend.”

I shook my head, “It’s okay Mathew. I promise it’s okay! He isn’t mad at me. I didn’t get in trouble. But more than all of this you’re not a terrible friend.”

Mathew wiped a stray tear away, “I’m not?”

“No! You’re my best friend!”

“From now on best friends stick together!” Mathew smiled.

“Forever.” I smiled back.

The two of us hugged and it seemed all was right. Best friends reunited! Superman and Blue!

The two of us continued coloring and watching the movie which was Halloweentown. In the film when they arrive to Halloweentown their taxi driver is a skeleton. The idea of a taxi driver being a skeleton made me giggle.

I turned to Hannibal to see if he saw the funny sight, “Papa that taxi driver is a skeleton!” I giggled some more.

Hannibal smiled seeing my excitement about the skeleton taxi driver, “You’re right! I thought that taxi driver looked a bit strange.”

I giggled some more at the idea that Papa didn’t know it was a skeleton till I said something.

Jack, who was sitting next to Hannibal joined in the conversation, “You know I thought he looked a bit strange myself. Good detective work Blue!”

I smiled to the praise, proud that I had discovered the taxi driver skeleton! I grabbed another page from the book of an actual skeleton and began to color him like the one in the film.

But my coloring was interrupted when Uncle Fredrick walked into the living room to make an announcement. “Alright kids, the haunted maze is all set up downstairs. Which one of you will be the first brave soul to solve the mystery and get the treasure?”

“Will it be my brave Superman here?” Fredrick said giving Mathew a pat on the shoulder.

But Superman was anything but brave. Matthew looked at me with an eyes full of fear. I was right there with him, I’m not sure I wanted to go down to the haunted maze alone.

“I’ll go! I’ll go!” Freddie jumped up. “I’ll show these babies how it’s done.” She said with a pointed glance to Mathew and I.

“Freddie, that isn’t nice to say. Y/N and Mathew are brave in their own regard.” Will corrected.

Alana joined in, “You’re Uncle is right. That not nice to say to Y/N and Mathew.”

“I would apologize or someone isn’t going to do the maze.” Margot added with a pointed look towards her for a change.

Freddie looked like she was going to explode with anger. There was a moment you could see she was debating on whether she was going to fight it or not. But I guess her enthusiasm for the haunted maze won over.

“Sorry Matt and Y/N.” She said loud enough for us to hear but with no real remorse in sight.

“Thank you, now you may do the maze.” Alana explain.

Fredrick started to explain the maze to all of us before Freddie went down to the basement, “Your goal is to find three gold coins in the basement. But watch out, there are evil monsters that protects the coins. Find the three coins and you’ve completed the maze.”

“Pfffff! I’ve got this! Move over!” And with that Freddie pushed past him and went down into the basement.

Mathew and I just looked at each other with a fearful look. But Mathew broke out of it and shook his head, “Good riddens.” He whispered with a wink.

I smiled back and shook my head at him. We both went back to our coloring as the minutes tick by, then suddenly there was a scream from downstairs.

The scream caught everyone off guard. I jumped up and rushed over to Will and Hannibal as Alana, Margot and Fredrick ran over to the basement door.

Freddie threw the door open and ran into Alana’s arms. “There was something down there that attacked me!!” She cried.

By this time I was sitting between Will and Hannibal as the scene unfolded, Mathew joining me. I held onto Hannibal arm and Mathew did the same with Will’s.

“How many coins did you get?” Fredrick asked.

Freddie threw the one and only coin she had on the ground.

“Maybe this is a bit too scary for the little ones.” Bella suggested.

“I have to agree with Bella. How scary is this maze Dr. Chilton?” Hannibal asked.

“Nonesense! It’s not that scary. I’m going to reset the room real fast and then it’s my Superman’s turn.” And with that Fredrick turned and left.

Matthew shot me a look of pure terror. But I knew his dad, there was no way Matthew was getting out of this knowing how stern Fredrick was.

I didn’t want to do the maze at all, especially seeing Freddie’s reaction to it. But Mathew wasn’t going to make it by himself. So…

“I’ll go with you!” I said before I even had a chance to wrap my mind around it.

Hannibal and Will looked at me worried, “Are you sure you want to go down there with Mathew Y/N? It might be too scary for you and that’s okay if it is.” Will asked.

As much as I wanted to take the out Dadee was giving me, I shook my head no. “Best friend stick together.” I smiled at Mathew.

I could just see the relief wash over him. “Best friends stick together!”

Too soon Fredrick returned and it was our turn. Hannibal and Will gave me a reassuring hug and smile. “If it’s too scary just come back up here, okay? No one will be mad or judge you.”

I nodded my head and said goodbye two. Hand in hand, Mathew and I made our way down to the basement. Just like the basement at home, it’s was dark and scary. We took one step at a time will we reached the bottom. Then it began.

~~~

“Okay, so we have to find three coins, shouldn’t be too hard right?” Mathew said with voice not filled with too much confidence.

Down in the basement there were boxes set up as the sort of maze to navigate too. There was also a fog machine which added another creepy layer to the dark and creepy basement.

Mathew walked in the front, holding onto my hand for dear life. I hide behind him and followed along as we started the maze.

So far it wasn’t too bad. We came across a table with a simple bowl infront of it. Inside the bowl was a bunch of candies and the golden coin in the middle.

I went to grab it right away but Mathew stopped me. “This is too simple.” His eyes narrowed.

I looked around, there was no ghost or anything in sight. It looked simple enough to me. But knowing Uncle Fredrick, Matthew was probably right.

To prove his point Matthew grabbed a paint brush off one of the shelves and put the handle on the coin.

Suddenly a skeleton arm from under the table jumped out and grabbed the paint brush handle! The two of us yelped and jumped back. When we did, Mathew dropped the paint brush and the hand retracted under the table.

“I have an idea!”

I grabbed the paint brush off the floor and put it in the bowl again. When the skeleton hand grabbed it I used my other hand and grabbed the coin!

I threw the paint brush off to the side and showed the coin proudly to Mathew! “Look Superman! We got the first coin!!”

“Great job Blue! You’ll be in charge of holding our coins.” Mathew smiled.

But our smiles disappeared when we realized we still had two coins left. So with that we cautiously continued on.

Hand in hand we weaves through the cardboard box maze. Cloth hung from the ceiling making it hard to see what was ahead. We must set off some motion sensor thing because suddenly a clown animatronic turned on right next to me.

I screamed and grabbed Mathew for dear life. I was shaking like a leaf behind him as he stood in front of the clown.

“Hey you stupid clown! You will not scare my best friend like that!!”

And with that Mathew grabbed the power cord to the clown and ripped it from the wall. The laughing clown soon died down and become silent and motionless.

Looking down by the clown’s foot was the second coin. “Y/N! The second coin!! We got the second coin!”

But when Mathew turned to me I was a bit of a mess to say the least. Tears fell down my face as I tried to calm down from the shock of seeing the clown. My hands covered my ears, fearing the clown would somehow turn back on and continue laughing.

“Hey! Are you okay? That clown really scared you but don’t worry I took care of it. Superman saved the day!” He pulled me into a tight hug. “It’s okay! I promise it won’t turn back on.”

“Want me to get Uncle Hannibal and Will? I won’t be mad if you want to see them. That was really scary. Plus this maze is stupid anyway.”

Breaking apart I slowly brought my hands away from my ears and wiped my tears away. “I think…I think I’m okay. I can do this. I want to win this together.” I said trying to convince Mathew and myself.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He asked one more time but I shook my head again.

“We’ve got this…together.” I shared a small smile with Mathew, “We only have one more coin to go.”

“Hell yeah!!” Mathew smiled. “Oh and speaking of coins here,” he handed the second coin, “You keep this safe.”

Hand in hand we continue onward. As we began walking I realized that clown scared me a lot more than I realized. My diaper felt cold and heavy against my body. I guess when the clown scared me I was so upset I didn’t realize I had an accident.

Now walking along with Mathew with a bit of a waddle to my walk. It doesn’t seem like he noticed, not that my best friend would ever judge me after all he wore pull-ups to bed. But usually I wouldn’t stay more than 1 minute in a wet diaper, always looking to my Caregivers for a change. The feeling always made me uncomfortable. But I already promise Mathew we would continue on so I put on a brave face and stuck it through, surely it would be over soon enough.

Finally we reached the end of the maze and once again everything seemed easy…too easy…

Once more there was a table set up in front of us with the gold coin sitting in the center of it. But around were no scary decorations, no lights, no fog, no nothing.

Mathew and I shot each other a look. There was definitely something we were missing.

Carefully and cautiously we walked toward the table. I was looking to the right while Mathew was looking to the left. Everything seemed to be fine…for now…

We were about three steps away from the table when we both hit a trip wire of some sort. Suddenly from the roof the grim reaper appeared, swinging down on a rope attached to the ceiling.

Both Mathew and I screamed and fell backwards. Mathew fell first and managed to catch me before I hit the ground. The two of us held each other in a tight hug, hiding our faces as the grim reaper swing from the ceiling and a maniacal laugh track played.

Suddenly it stopped, and the lights to the basement turned on. Loud footsteps were heard rushing down the stairs and over to us. But Mathew and I were too scared to even lift our heads up, afraid it was another trick after all.

“I’m telling you it just might’ve been a little trick that scared them. We don’t have to come down-.” Fredrick began to say but was soon cut off.

“You said this was Little friendly but I do not see anything here to support that. This looks too scary for someone with Mathew and Y/N’s headspace.” I could hear Papa say to Uncle Fredrick. He sounded really angry. Something rare for him, Papa never showed emotions like anger often.

“Y/N? Mathew? Where are you?” I could hear Dadee call out to me.

Mathew didn’t seem like he wanted to lift his head at all to call out to our Caregivers. So I had to be the brave Blue for us. I lifted my tear stained face to call out.

But right as I was going to call out my costume started to get wet. At first I froze, thinking it was a second accident and I was leaking my diaper. But Mathew started to cry and soon it clicked with me what was happening. I wasn’t the only one who got scared and had an accident today.

“It’s okay Mathew,” I held him tight in the hug, uncaring for my costume getting wet. “I had an accident too. It’s okay though. It’s scary down here.”

He shook his head, “I’m s-suppose to be…brave S-Superman…” his voice cracked out.

“You are! You saved me from the clown! You are a brave Superman! But even Superman has accidents too. So does Blues Clues. And they can still fight crime or leaves clues behind.”

Mathew nodded along, “Thank you Blue.”

“Of course Superman.”

It seemed my advice was helping him, though I have to say I was just copying off what my dads usually say to me after an accident. And speaking of them…

The three Caregivers finally found us. The moment we saw them the two of us jumped up and ran over.

“Papa! Dadee!” I ran into Hannibal’s arms.

“Papa!” Mathew yelled running into Fredrick’s arms. It was no surprise to Fredrick seeing the puddle on the ground and seeing Mathew’s wet costume as to what happened.

“Papa I’m so sorry…I didn’t know…I didn’t realize I…the reaper scared me and I…l.” Mathew trailed off saying but Fredrick pulled him into a tight hug.

“Shhh shhh shhh, it’s alright Mathew. I didn’t realize I made this maze a bit too scary for you and your cousin. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s just an accident. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” Fredrick said, taking Mathew’s hands and leading him upstairs to get changed.

While this was happening Hannibal pulled me up and into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and hid my head against his shoulder. I started to cry softly as well, both out of pure relief having Will and Hannibal here and because of the stupid scares down here.

“Papa, I had an accident too. Scary clown tried to get me but Mathew protected me. But it was so scary! And it laughed. And then the grim reaper attacked us!” I explained.

“A scary clown and a grim reaper? This was not a good idea for you to participate in. I’m sorry I allowed you to do this. I should’ve come down here and saw it for myself.” Hannibal explained, though I could hear the anger in his voice.

“It’s okay. Mathew protect me and now you and Dadee protect me.” I hugged him tighter. I felt a thousand times more comfortable now that Papa and Dadee were with me.

“Always darling, always. Now let’s get you changed too. I don’t want you in wet clothes any longer.”

“Wait,” Will said walking away for a moment before coming back over to the two of us.

I lifted my head up to see what he was doing. He gestured for me to hold my hand out. Once I did, he placed the last coin in my hand.

“There you go, I think it’s safe to say that you and Mathew completed the maze.” Will smirked.

I smiled and held the coin tightly. We did it!! We completed the maze!! Now I had three coins!

Hannibal carried me upstairs and into one of the guest bathrooms. He helped me out of my wet costume first. After close inspection he gave me the bad news.

“I don’t think you’ll be able to wear your costume for the rest of tonight. I’m afraid it’s too wet for you. But no worries, Dadee and I always come prepared.” Hannibal smirked.

Soon Will knocked on the bathroom door. He brought my diaper bag along with Magenta who was forgotten on the couch.

“Someone missed you while you were away Blue.”

I happily took the dog stuffie and held it close.

Hannibal and Will helped me get changed out of my wet diaper into a fresh one. Plus they packed a fresh pair of clothes for me, a Blues clues long sleeve and matching blue sweat pants. They were nothing if not coordinated.

“Dadee? Can we keep the diaper bag close?” I asked sitting on the counter as Will and Hannibal cleaned up.

“Of course sweetheart. You’re okay with it staying with us in the living room?” Will asked to double check.

I nodded my head, “I don’t care what Freddie or anyone says anymore. I’m brave Blue Clues who has three coins!” I smiled holding the coins up high.

Will and Hannibal shared a look with one another. But they could help but smirk. Usually they weren’t ones to condone bragging, but tonight they let it slide. Their little one deserved a win.

“You are certainly our brave little Blue.” Will lifted me into his arms and placed a kiss on my cheek.

Once all settled for the rest of the night, Will and Hannibal took me back to the living room. There sitting on the couch was Mathew wrapped around Fredrick. He was wearing a Superman shirt and pajama bottoms.

Freddie, who was sitting with Beverly on another couch, held an evil smirk seeing us enter the room after our maze.

“So the babies couldn’t make it through the maze with a single coin?”

“Freddie!”

“Hey!”

“That is not nice!”

The adult said trying to stop the mean comments where they started but I had one better.

I simply took the coins out of my pocket and threw them into the ground infront of her. The three coins rattled as they hit the ground causing the whole room to go silent.

“We beat the maze.” I simply said, smirking with the same stupid grin she always had.

There was nothing but satisfaction on my face seeing Freddie start fuming internally.

“HELL YEAH Y/N AND MATHEW!!” Beverly said breaking the tension. Mathew and I smiled. We did it!

“My turn! My turn!”

“I don’t know Beverly. I think this proved the maze is unsuited for Littles.” Fredrick tried to say.

“Please Uncle Fredrick! You gotta let me give it a shot!”

Fredrick shot a look to Jack and Bella who just shrugged.

“If she thinks she can do it, then let her give it a try.” Jack said smirking at his brave Little.

Fredrick shrugged, a bit impressed with Beverly’s bravery. He stood up to go reset the maze but Mathew grabbed his hand.

“No!! Don’t leave! Please stay.” After everything I don’t blame Mathew, the two of us were feeling a bit clingy to our Caregivers at the moment.

Bella quickly swoop into action, “How about you come over here Mathew and sit next to me.” Her calm voice and sweet smile won the Little over.

Soon Mathew was cuddled next to Bella and I was cuddling between Will and Hannibal on the couch. The two of us needed a break after all then.

Another Halloween movie played on the tv but Mathew and I were barley watching it, both of us were physically and emotionally exhausted from our adventures. With my head pressed against Will’s chest and my legs draped across Hannibal’s lap, I started to drift off.

~~~

A little bit later I was awoken to the sound of Beverly running up the basement stairs saying she won. I sat up, Magenta on hand, pacifier in mouth, and watch the scene unfold.

Beverly bursted into the living room. She threw the three coins on the ground. “I got all three coins and something better!”

Suddenly she threw the decapitated head of the clown animatronic in the middle of the living room. How she did it is beyond me. The entire room gasped in shock. Mathew and I looked at each other both in shock and relief. The monster was dead!

“HELL YEAH BEVERLY!! MONSTER SLAYER!!!” Mathew cheered!

I smiled as well around my pacifier. Beverly is the coolest! With the clown taken out for good I let out a small yawn and I cuddled back against Will, letting the murmurs of conversation fade into the background as I drifted off again.

The clown was dead, I was safely cuddled between my two Caregivers holding Magenta close and surrounded by family friends.

At some point during the night it became pretty late so the adults decided to call it a night for the Littles.

Hannibal picked me up and held me in his arms. My head laid on his shoulder with my face turned toward his neck. I was too sleepy and too cozy in his arms to wake up and say goodbye to everyone. I just feel into a light sleep, hearing the whispered goodbyes and light kisses to my cheeks as Hannibal and Will left the party.

Then I felt the cold outside air hit my face. I whined and pushed myself closer in Hannibal’s arms. I could hear him chuckle.

“Don’t worry my little Blue, we will be back in our warm house soon enough.” Hannibal whispered before placing a kiss to the crown of my head.

Then after a moment in the cold I heard the car door open and felt myself get buckled up. Once the door closed I started to open my eyes and watch as Hannibal and Will got into the car themselves.

I smiled seeing my two Caregiver in their striped costume shirts still. I pulled my pacifier out for a moment, “Thank you for dressing up with me for Halloween.”

Hannibal and Will both turned around and smiled.

“Just as Steve and Josh would be lost without Blue, we would be lost without you.” Hannibal smiled.

“Happy Halloween to our little Blue.” Will winked.

I smiled back at the two of them, then popped my pacifier back in and rested my head against the car door window as we pulled away from Uncle Fredrick’s house. This could possibly be one of the craziest, scariest but also best Halloweens I’ve ever had.

Oh and those coins? I was going to hold that over Freddie’s head till the end of time.

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fracturedanatomy · 4 months

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gender gender gender gender

gender and sexuality is weird. like for so long I would try to pin down what my gender/sexuality was and try to see if it fit into any boxes or labels and it never stuck and was never correct and I was miserable. I tried so hard to figure out what label to use that I forgot to just live. part of that I think stems from the general idea that a lot of people have that you have to know exactly who you are and exactly where you fit (you don't btw). and there is also the idea that if you don't know, just keep taking labels. to clarify, labels aren't inherently bad. they can be helpful for people and very nice for people to understand themselves. however, i feel like there's some people like me who will never fully understand where they fit, who force themselves to try and figure out a label even though none fully describe our gender or sexuality because thats what is "supposed to happen." now I just say that I exist and that's it. if I say that i'm anything at all, or use a flag, it's always on that spectrum because that's as close as i'll ever get. i don't need to try and force myself into a label to be seen by other people or make it a huge deal if I come out. and i'm ok with that. i'm happy. once I realized I could just live my life and exist as myself without making it a big deal and having to push myself into boxes or a specific group, I became so much happier and started liking myself again. I still deal with dysphoria, I still deal with other things, but I'm much more confidant and feel more comfortable wearing what I want and behaving like myself again. I'm not trying to change myself because I feel like I need to act a certain way or dressing a certain way because I think I might "pass" that way. I'm dressing in clothes that make me happy. I'm acting like myself and letting myself enjoy the things that I enjoy. I like myself again. and this is just my experience. it will be different for everyone :)

so to those of you who use labels, you're valid!

to those who don't, you are also valid!

and to those who don't know where you fit, take your time! there's no rush, and you can enjoy existing regardless of if you have labels or not. <3

#i exist #unlabeled #lgbtqia #aspec #arospec #aroace #asexual #trans #transmasc #enby #nonbinary #fracturedanatomy

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usakiboi · 1 year

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My art ain’t exactly arting lately so until I get my groove back (my desire to draw gay people in 4k) here’s a list of my naruto headcannons but it’s specifically for my au

Sakura

Blasian

Naturally blonde like her mom but dyed her to match her fathers, unfortunately the colored ended up being lighter than she planned

She isn’t a terrible cook but she gets distracted easily and burns the food she makes

Sleeper build

Went on strike when the public became outraged with her decision to marry Hinata

Acts super girly but is a huge tomboy

allergic to cats

Retired jounin and focuses on her hospitals as well as her family

Sakura regularly checks on Hinata’s heart and goes doctor mode immediately even if all Hinata is doing is catching her breath

Hinata

Plus size

Chinese on her Father’s side and Japanese on her Mother’s

Can eat a lot but doesn’t in fear of what other people would think

Her dream is to prove her self worth to her clan, as she grows her dream changes from simply wishing to prove herself to also wanting to free the branch members from their seals

She becomes the Hyuga advisor and right hand man to Clan Head, Hanabi

She’s retired from active duty to handle clan matters

Hyuga in general are one of the shortest in terms of height when it comes to Konoha. Hinata is the shortest

Has a glare that can rival her father’s but she’s naturally patient and easygoing that you almost never see it

Knits gifts for her friends

Due to the Pein fight as well as her fight with Neji her health isn’t the greatest and if she exerts herself too much she will become sick. After falling ill immediately after the war she and her family made the decision to take her off the roster

Boruto

Is stupidly smart but can’t focus for shit so he fails his test simply because he doesn’t get enough time to fill out the paper

Can cook

Has on multiple occasions argued why pink is in fact a manly color

Never hits his growth spurt and is only slightly taller than his mom when he gets older

Regularly argues with Momoshiki when he gets bored

Would willingly jump off a mountain if you dared him

Has a scar on his forehead from where he broke Momoshiki’s horn

Cant dress for shit

Sarada

Secretly into really nerdy and geeky things

Takes over the cooking when her mother gets distracted

Her glasses classify as a help aid both normally and when she uses her sharingan. Taking them off while using her sharigan could permanently damage her eyes

A majority of her strength comes from enhanced chakra but in her free time she does strength workouts to build her muscles so she can use less chakra when fighting

Would rather her team see her as useful and someone to depend on than someone they need to protect

Mitsuki

Autistic

Like far on the spectrum

overthinks

Gets sluggish in the cold

Albino

has the same marks around his eyes like his parent along with scales on his skin

Refers to Jiraiya and Tsunade as Aunt and Uncle

Also refers to Team taka (excluding sasuke) as aunt and uncles

He calls sasuke big brother in private and Mr.Sasuke around other people

Was responsible for the cut on Log’s face

Baggy top skinny jeans/leggings gay

Orochimaru

Gender-fluid and currently presents as feminine

Cant handle spicy food

Cant handle cold foods

Cant handle cold weather

The stretchy neck, long tongue, and ofher snake features are all clan related traits such as the Inuzuka and their sense of smell

Orochimaru’s mother could also stretch her arms just like Mitsuki can

Orochimaru is still in possession of the Zetsu body and much more prefers it as it last longer than the human bodies and is also moldable, making them able to keep a youthful appearance like they have in Boruto

Horrible self-regulation skills and will starve if they aren’t checked up on

Everyone they’ve ever met has a personal journal made about them stored away in their library

Same height as Hinata

Doesn’t curse or raise his voice ever so it’s really hard to tell when he’s upset

#headcannons #naruto headcanons #au idea #sakura haruno #hinata hyuga #boruto #sarada uchiha #mitsuki #orochimaru #boruto next generation #boruto uzumaki #sakuhina #sakuhina au #guess who my favorite character is

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rikebe · 9 months

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hii if you're still accepting asks about the akihiro x bobby ship meme, could you explain in detail the trust/jealousy/etc scales? also is bobby canonically 5'4" bc 😳❤

I WISH BOBBY WAS THAT SHORT IN CANON </3 unfortunately that's just my hc bc i'm so much smarter and chaddier than all of marvel :/

BUT here's the scales!

bobby:

trust: i def see bobby as having a bit of a cynical streak, so i think he takes a while to warm up to trusting. he has a way of internalizing shit and overthinking and is very neurotic, and i think he can absolutely overthink himself into mistrusting his partner on a wrong day even if he knows he's being irrational :(

jealousy: pretty much the same thing, plus i think growing up as the baby-faced dweeby kid of the x-men doesn't really give you a huge amount of self-confidence. i think he can really struggle w seeing himself as like, hot enough or good enough and project that on other people through jealousy, especially if he has such an objectively sexy partner as akihiro. again i think this is something where he'd KNOW he's being unreasonable but he can't help feeling that way

horny: LISTEN. YES he dresses like the assistant manager of a gamestop. YES he's a boring account. but i know. when i look into that unassuming, boring little face of him i know he's a horndog. if he wasn't he wouldn't have fucking bothered with the little song and dance akihiro and him have, because let's be real, akihiro's a pretty big shithead to him consistently and still bobby's like teehee! let's waltz! teehee! oh no let me kiss that death seed away teehee! that's classic horny for villain behavior. you can't hide behind those cargo shorts, bobby drake. i know what you are.

clingy: to me he's a pretty big relationship guy and is really attached to his partner, which is great if you're on mutual terms but i think can come off as pretty clingy if the other guy's looking for something a little more casual lol. def the type to keep texting a few times after getting ghosted before he gets the hint. oops

akihiro:

trust: BIG HUGE MAJOR trust issues. this guy spent his entire adult life seeing interpersonal relationships as entirely transactional and only started getting into this "unconditional love and trust" shit like five years ago. it's a learning curve. he's the guy in a sitcom who thinks their partner is cheating and starts stalking them

jealousy: see trust. same thing. if some guy is talking to bobby at a bar akihiro WILL stand menacingly close by and then be really annoying about mentioning that thats his BOYFRIEND and they're DATING. the guy asked bobby for the time

horny: controversial BUT: i don't think akihiro is very horny. he's been shown since his first appearance to be very liberal about sex, but in almost all instances these interactions are about control and power. akihiro uses his inherent appeal and other people's attraction to him to get what he wants in his never-ending ploy for power and evil-doing. to him, sex is transactional, it's just something he does just like he lies and pretends to be something he's not. ive seen some interpretations of him as asexual, which i think is really interesting and cool and a great take! i don't know where exactly on that spectrum i see him, i think he does enjoy sex but it would be a really different thing for him to sleep with someone he actually cares about, to the point where i could see it causing whiplash when he's being shy about it all of a sudden :')

clingy: i put him pretty high on the "needs attention" scale which i explained in another post, but i don't really see him being all that clingy. i think i might have coloured it in a little high here even since i think it's a hard thing to define, but basically i think that IN a relationship he would be a little clingy and want to be around his partner a lot, once he gets to a point where he can comfortably express those feelings, but he would never run after someone or try to cling to a partner that's dumped him. he thinks too highly of himself to debase himself by showing that he cares about another human being. this is about SAVING FACE, damn it

#i love talking about these two so much you guys. its so much fun #darkice #bobby drake #daken akihiro

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fictiontbh · 6 months

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Haii!

I felt like I should make an intro-post for myself, so, I suppose this will be a huge masterlist of alot of things... so here's my introduction and everything about me!

Feel free to ask as much questions as you'd like! You can ask me through my inbox (as an anon or not) or through my DM's (direct messages) If you would like to keep your questions between you and me!

With that said....

More under cut <3

Tags!

Currently, I've been wanting to sort my posts, from og posts, art, and everything like that. It just makes it easier to search for things I want when I want. Currently my only tag is #TBH's art I chose that because my name changes alot... but my autism persists so... yeah that exists. If I ever get around to actually finishing my fics then the tag #TBH's fanfics will be coloured down on this list.

Sexuality/gender!

I am an Aroace Lesbian who is along the nonbinary spectrum! I prefer masc terms, dressing femme, and mixing up pronouns!!

Here are my flags!!

Questions are allowed!

Names!

My name is Storm(y) but I also go by Charm and Fiction. I go by she/they/he/ it!!

The reason I go by multiple names is due to me having been on the internet for... since I was born, practically.

Both of these names have a special place in my heart, though Charm has more of an explanation and Fiction is what I prefer to be named online.

The name "Stormy" comes from my middle name which is just the word Storm. It holds no significance more than just me disliking my birth name and chosing my middle name felt like it would be easier on those who do know me. I have also used this name on a self insert I made of me (not for me, of me. Trust me it is very different to make a self-insert that was made in your image than one you made just to project onto.)

"Charm", however, was a name i fell in love with because I am apart of the Fnaf Fandom. This name was made for a "self-insert" oc i made for satire, the thing is, I ended up expanding the OC's lore so much, but since it was "self-insert" I guess I just stopped taking it as a joke when my brain hyperfixated on the OC. The name has applied to me only because I still consider that OC a "self-insert", truly made for my Indulgence.

"Fiction" is my last name, no, not my actual last name, just my last preffered name. Fiction was another self indulgent name I made for another OC, this was made during a time of major depression where I would spend my day projecting onto my characters and enjoying parasocial relationships with them. Its not a name that means anything good, but this is the reason I use the internet, so I kept it.

I have said above that Fiction is my preffered name online, yet I would truly be fine and maybe happier if you do use my other names as well, especially for more lighthearted conversations. My names may change depending on the circumstance.

Also, I have certain personal depending on the name, Storm is what I draw most commonly as I based the design off myself truly, Charm is technically a furry, but like, robot.... fnaf. Thats my only explanation. Fnaf like Freddy. Except its a fox. Idk. Uhm. Fiction doesn't have a design, but they have alot of emotions behind her, so I'll probably draw them but she is gonna change... alot. No depiction of them is gonna stay the same. Ever.

In conclusion:

Storm is just a name I use for convenience and with family/close friends and in a way that connects to me as a person.

Charm is a name I use for self indulgence purposes and for happier/lighthearted conversations.

Fiction is the name I chose to express my thoughts and is used in a more depressing/serious type of conversation.

These names will switch alot however, sometimes storm or fiction will be the self-indulgent ones, sometimes Fiction will actually be happy and not just my "damn, depressive episode!!" name, sometimes my names will just have no meaning but usually I feel I prefer them during specific circumstances. Plus... sometimes I might find a new name I like for a bit and sometimes ill try testing out a new name.. ice been thinking Mimic for a bit and the name Allen has crossed my mind a few times... but for now sticking with the names above would probably be best.

My personality, what I choose to indulge in, and the thoughts in my head are different from eachother and I suppose my brain liked using the names to show and express myself in a more... disassociative way. Just blame it on past trauma and parasocial relationships I've been in.

Speaking of trauma...

Diagnosis'

I have Social/General Anxiety Disorder, Sociopathy and Minor Depression. I am also Autistic which attributes to alot of my other mental disorders and just myself as a person. (As stated before with Autigender)

I may still be undiagnosed so this list may update, and my only main guesses for what else i could have would probably be ocd and odd but... you never know right? I mean, i discover new paraphilias that i go "hmm... interesting..." to every... not every day but pretty often!! Im not technically a paraphiliac? I don't get aroused. At all. Ever. But I do get very interested. A new interest but not something I care for and actively search. Unless it's comships... love those.

I do not have a way to Segway into my interests smoothly so pretend that this is a really cool line that relates to my-

Interests

I have a LOT of interests.

FNAF, OMORI/おもり, Vocaloid, Evillious Chronicles, ONIBI/鬼火, Pokémon, Be More Chill, ATL:A, Hazbin/Helluva, Steven Universe, Saiki K No Psi Nan and then my scattered interests that are just... its just me liking random characters from random franchises. The franchises im not a fan of but one (1) character? Hell ye im into them!! They are... silly... so silly... recently BMC has been stuck on my mind and o CANNOT get rid of it... have I been squipped???

Shipping!

I am a multishipper. I ship almost every ship in every Fandom and I do not care what others ship. Will I judge? Yeah. Will I truly care? Never! This counts me as a "Pro-shipper" though in technicality im actually full comship. I do not care what you ship. Just as long as you DONT support people who actually and actively support or participate in abusive relationships IRL I am okay with you. From the most innocent cutesy ships to absolutely vile ones I support. Hence my squipemy ship...

I would also like to add, Kinks and anything sexual is allowed on this blog, just a reminder however if I get uncomfortable with the sexual tension in my asks, comment/replies, or anything im tagged in I will most likely not respond or delete what I can. I'm not sex repulsed, but I have boundaries for certain people and my way of showing affection/intimacy with them.

I suppose having said this... all thats left is a DNI list? Its a little basic, cause I really don't care. At all. Just have the basics.

DNI (Do not interact)

Pedophiles/Maps (POCD is fine! You can't control that and all that matters is you surpressing these urges. I can't even lie, I've had the thoughts too, its not pleasant and I'm sorry for your stigmatisation. You are welcome here.)

Rapists and rape defenders. (There is no excuse.)

Anti-LGBT/homo-or-transphobes (you are on tumblr. How could you dislike gay people. This was basically made for gay people. What.)

Anti-shippers. (Please I use shipping as a way of coping. My trauma is different from yours. My coping mechanisms are different than yours. Why do you get mad abt that. Its not a harmful coping mechanism. It doesn't hurt me or you or anybody else.)

Ableists. (There is no excuse.)

Racists. (There is no excuse.)

Radqueer. (... I dont like saying this but just.... no. You aren't welcome in the community. Xenogenders and neos are allowed here! Not you however.)

And thats the criteria. I told you. Its basic. I don't care who you are. I just want to know that I am in a place with people of my kind- mentally ill, bullied, nerds, geeks, whatevers, LGBT community, etc. Or just people who wont actively try and harm me, both mentally and physically. This has been my introduction, and I suppose.. I bit you adieu!

Goodbye! Thank you so much for listening~!

#fandoms #intro post #introduction #meet the blogger #TBH's art

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nagirambles · 1 year

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I've been reading both 100YQ and EZ, and I genuinely don't understand how Mashima can be writing Natsu and Shiki at the same time. Shiki is just a slightly less cartoonish version of Natsu - he genuinely feels like Natsu from FT's early days, just toned down a bit. So if Mashima is still capable of writing a character LIKE prime!Natsu, why does he keep making present-day Natsu so stupid??? He's literally writing the scripts side by side! Why did he give up on Natsu like that?

Honestly, that is so for real. But I think that's normal, in the journey of storywriting, that Shiki is what Natsu could have been, but Mashima didn't go for.

I don't blame Mashima for that honestly, FT has been a strong journey and there are mistakes and flanderisation he just can't step back from since we're too far in it now. Even though I hate the current Natsu, there are people who love it. It's too dangerous to either backtrack or make a huge shift for Natsu now. 100yq is steady and growing in popularity with fanservice as its main draw to keep readers coming back. Changing the well-beloved main character now is just asking for trouble, and we all know the fans have been giving Mashima grief for risky decisions in the whole of Fairy Tail.

Shiki is his fresh start in a clearer direction, and a firmer direction too because with Shiki, he has to make characterisation line up between time travels. EZ is Fairy Tail's heart, taken in the direction by a man who has learned and grown from his experience writing FT. And I really appreciate that. I do feel EZ and its darker tone is more reminiscent of what Mashima truly wants to write. It reminds me of Rave Master, in a good way.

And though I don't hate Nalu (especially since it feels very queerplatonic and that's great to me), it is stagnant due to its constant rehashing of old moments. I do feel that Shicca is much more developed in a canonically romantic context, so I can't help but feel Shicca is what Mashima wanted Nalu to be from the very start, he just never took the risk by actually making them canonical. Honestly I think I understand why the ships weren't as easy to make canon in the main FT manga.

How do I say this--- FT feels very juvenile. It's a story of teens and young adults, discovering the world, finding love, and going on adventures. EZ is a mature story, of teens and young adults trying their best to survive in world that is fully against them. Against all the unfair and horrible developments they face, their love is the only thing keeping them together, keeping them moving onward.

That's why it feels more natural for Shiki and Rebecca to keep moving onward one trial at a time, and Natsu and Lucy to keep staying where they are. You could say this in both the context of their characterisation and their ship development. Neither are bad. I love EZ's dark and action tone, and I also love the calming safety of FT's homey tone. They are two sides of the spectrum of Shounen.

So rather than Mashima 'giving up' on Natsu, I feel it's more in the line of Mashima not really wanting to do much with them. Flanderise his character a little for a joke that compares his idiocy to Lucy's intelligence? Sure, let's do it, the shippers and headcanoners will eat that right up. Same thing to Lucy-- give her a combination dress that she will probably never wear again, the fans will love seeing her look cool even if there's no reason she needs to wear it in the first place. Make Natsu grope her bare chest or get a handful of her crotch, and of course he doesn't understand why that's wrong so we can get a shot of Lucy just being baffled instead of reacting like a normal woman. People will hate it, but people will also like it (people that don't take these jokes too seriously, for example), and most of all, Fairy Tail will be talked about again. That's really all that matters now in the world of 100yq.

#it's an ask #i have biases i'm sorry #fairy tail

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crustacean-on-main · 5 months

Note

Where/how do I start to get into more complex menswear? I see guys in 80s movies, vintage pics of Harrison Ford, Robert Redford, Kurt Russell, dudes like that, and they all look great, but it's a world I have very little knowledge of. And modern clothing is such ass quality.

Comparatively, getting ripped is pretty straightforward, and working out is something I was working on already. That Rick Owens quote about anything looking good on an elite physique isn't exactly wrong, but I suppose it is a bit reductive. And it's not Rick doesn't dress extremely intentionally lol

Yeah, by all means, work the fuck out. It's good for you in many, many ways -- if you're trying to maximize aesthetics, though, there's a point past which muscle development hurts. If you're a skinnier type you probably won't get there unless you're on the 'roids, but some people with more natural propensities towards bulk aren't so lucky (huge traps will cause most jackets to just float off of you, for example).

Anyway, there's a ton of resources out there if you want to care. If you read French, Stiff Collar and Parisian Gentleman come highly recommended, the latter particularly through their youtube channel, of which an English version exists. It actually has more content than the French version, but I find Hugo Jacomet's French accent in English incredibly grating so I tend to only watch the French version.

Switching to English, Permanent Style is a great blog-cum-website, particularly if you're less of a suit guy: there's a lot of content on how to do styles between workwear and business casual. On the other end of the spectrum, I like much of what Gentlemen's Gazette do, but it's definitely a fairly, shall we say, peacock-focused outlet. Also they're trying to sell you their products, which is always a bit annoying.

Obligatory mention to Die, Workwear. Man is an annoying californian but has solid opinions on clothes.

Finally, there are actual books on the subject. If you want to buy one and only one, get Dressing the Man by Alan Flusser. It's a pretty good guide to many of the accepted principles. Another author worth mentioning is G. Bruce Boyer, by whom I own a small collection of essays called True Style.

In the end, a lot of it is a question of personal experimentation, so if you're so inclined I encourage you to try more things and see what works. Make use of the internet if you live somewhere where you can't easily just visit nicer stores. If you're careful about how you buy, it works a lot better than you might think it does.

#menswear autism #ask

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tonberry-yoda · 2 years

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YOO, i saw one punch man x reader and i immediately got my ass here, I've been looking for a opm matchup since ages.

Romantic matchup for OPM (obv)

I don't have a preference, but both is fine if possible. He/they

What i want out of a relationship:

is well something simple. A nice relationship, one where i can spoil my partner a lot, since i genuinely love doing that. I like giving headpats so yeah I'm just an overly affectionate person in a relationship, i will respect their boundaries if they do not like pda, i would mostly like one where my partner is like me in someway, as in like same type of personality or the polar opposite either way I'll still give them affection! However if they something like "don't" and actually mean "do it" I'll be in a lost cause so i end up just... Not giving affection. I'm quite oblivious and dumb as it is.

Personality:

I am very crabby, moody and hotheaded. I spend a lot of my time insulting and ranting about shit i find hilarious or interesting, often times rambling or complaining. I'm extremely short-tempered and will become enraged with anything although sometimes i can be comical and childish at random times.

I am one foul mouthed motherfucker, i have a habit of cursing, either regular swear words or the most absurd sounding swear words come out of my mouth. (E.G. : “you blithering feculent shithole” “primitive fuckjam” “putrid shitsmoking cretins” “you dickreeking undulating fuckass” “fucksquatting pain in the waste chute” “heinous ravaging trash" “reprehensible sanctimonious jitterfuckery.”) I am completely incapable of uttering a single word without fucking cursing.

I also tend to be very loud, i have a hard time being aware of my volume and adjusting it. I also go on heavy romcom binges, my favorite one to binge is 50 First Dates.

I am often screaming, pounding my fists against inanimate objects out of sheer fucking anger, or generally raging when talking to anyone. I'm not particularly patient when explaining myself, most of my advices seem to be just a massive wave of random insults along with sarcasm and heavy emphasis on it.

Despite my nubby asshat demeanor, i care deeply for my friends' well being, i will genuinely cry if something happened to them. I do litsen to their problems and comfort them in my own way and attempt to keep everyone safe. And despite my rash behavior, i do have a sense of morality and will occasionally do the right thing any normal person would do.

I also have a knightly persona despite my constant use of profanity, any chance i get to act like a knight I'll take it. In a relationship i would literally just obey my partners orders like an actual knight to his queen/king. I would also kiss their knuckles while kneeling down, i study arachnology and carcinology.

I'm also a huge fan of Shakespeare, I'll occasionally use it in a comical sense or when acting as a knight.

Myself fashion-wise: straight up metalhead fashion, i dress intimidatingly and also to add the fact that I'm tall (like 6'5) except i have no makeup or piercings, and instead wear glasses. I for my look i keep my hair messy or well try to, since my hair is curly and already looks about as messy as a fucking bird nest built by a living tumor.

My type: i don't know yet, all i can tell you right now is that i like men and women.

MUSIC TASTE: It honestly varies. Mostly deathcore or black metal, or just sad break up songs. Then there's songs in my native language. Angsty songs about inferiority complex, corny romantic songs and UHM... CupcakKe, Sabrina Claudio and Ginuwine... 😭💀 i am on the ace/asexual spectrum but i just find their music interesting, Pony and All into You slaps tbh i litsen to them at like any time of the day, my playlist varies from angry metal to sad to angst to brazilian music to straight up horny music. It's basically a mess.

Love language: all the motherfucking affection, cuddling (I'm the little spoon btw) words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and affectionate teasing; with this i basically talk to my partner like how cat owners talk to their cats in that exact same baby voice saying the stupidest but yet endearing bullshit. Basically complimenting with teasing.

- god this is probably so long, and i apologize for that. - 🗡️ anon

I HAVE THE PERFECT PERSON FOR YOU! i read through this- oh also, real fast welcome to the party 🗡️ anon! it's super nice to meet you! :) ANYWAY BACK TO BUSINESS! I read through this and one person popped in my mind, who I adore and I hope you adore as well!

the person I chose for you is...

KING!

like in my head, y'all would literally be PERFECT together

you both have this metal head vibe, but softies deep down and AHH IM OBSESSED

he is big enough to hold you while cuddling and he would literally bury his face in the crook of your neck and it is so cute

he gets all flustered when you spoil him lol

he is just as affectionate as you, so yall are again, literally perfect

he definitely has the same music taste, like i just see it

Y'ALL LOOK SO INTIMIDATING OUT IN PUBLIC LMAOOO

like even if he is hugging onto your arm and giving you a ton of love, you guys will walk into a building and no one I MEAN NO ONE will mess with you

and seriously, you guys have so much in common

if you hear that something happened to him and it breaks your heart you will listen and cry, and he will do the exact same for you

LIKE THIS IS SO PERFECT! (look at me go lol)

he loves you to death and get's flustered when you show that love back because he's a cutie

also, if you're down, he'll play video games with you for hours and if not, you'll listen to music while he's just playin in the background

"I love you so much, King." You squished both of King's bright red cheeks and talked to him in a baby voice.

"N-No I'm not!" He got all flustered and tried to pull away from you, but immediately melted to your touch as you moved your fingers to his head, massaging his scalp.

"Yes you are." You smiled and pulled him close, pressed a kiss onto his lips. "I love you."

He opened one of his eyes and giggled. "I love you too." He pulled you into his giant arms and slammed the two of you on the couch. It quickly became a game of who could cuddle who, but eventually he won, making the two of you fall asleep softly, you pressed against his big chest and one of his large hands on your back.

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strangebruisesinc · 2 years

Note

I am a 5'6" biological female, I use she/her/they pronouns(god that sounds cringey), have medium length dark brown hair, and turquoise/greenish eyes(i don't really know what color they are), and I wear black glasses with clear rims. I have what most would describe as the 'pear' body shape with larger hips and B cup breasts. I tend to wear baggy, comfort-first sort of clothes with the occasional dress and one piece.

My zodiac signs(If you care) are Virgo(sun), Libra(moon), and Virgo(ascendant). I also have the INTP personality type.

Facts about me:

I have been told than I have a high maturity level for someone my age(but I laugh at dumb jokes so idk if I believe them)

I enjoy cracking jokes about anyone and anything, NO ONE IS SHIELDED FROM MY COMEDIC WRATH

I am kind, polite, relaxed, have a dark sense of humor and generally low self-esteem

I try to be open-minded, and am always looking to improve my talents and relationships with those I care about

Critical and suspicious of literally EVERYTHING (especially myself)

I can be insensitive, petty, and sometimes even knowingly dismissive of my faults, and try to blame others instead

I lie a lot more than I'd like to admit, but try to make up for it and improve

I come from an primarily Christian family, my favorite season is winter, and I would like to create other forms of art other than writing at some point

I used to have what could be considered a phobia of insects/bugs, but it has become a lot mild over the years

I mostly enjoy physical affection more so than verbal, but if worded in certain ways that can touch my heart, I will prefer the latter, and you will have acquired a loyal ally (I respect the power of words, I am a writer after all)

I am what is described as a HSP (hyper sensitive person, look it up if you're curious)

I have a condition called Exotropia (aka drifting eye) in my left eye that has been corrected through 3 surgeries (but I still have to wear glasses in order to maintain it).

A firm believer that nothing is truly impossible, and that people hate most in others what they hate in themselves

Confused by everything 24/7… EVERYTHING

Likely on the autism spectrum

Likes: Being helpful, alternative, rock, and techno music, order and peacefulness, making people laugh, Sci-Fi media, writing/creating, tarot cards, D&D, anything to do with the diversity of personalities, psychology⁰

Dislikes: Being a burden, country music, drama and chaos, low effort creative endeavors, hypocrites(ironically), closed minded people, bad grammar, things not going my way, extremely religious people, weird internet trends and phrases (ex: pogchamp, dummy thicc, boomer, etc.), most of tumblr, Twitter

And that should be most of the important stuff (just so I don't get carried away)! I am very interested to see who you match me with!

Thanks so much! That's a lot of useful information! Now with that being said:

I match you with:

Sollux Captor!

Now hear me out

I feel like you two both compliment and contrast well

I definitely hc him as the type of person that a lot of people misread because of his initial aloofness

Also Short King™

I also hc that he doesn't verbalize as much as others because of his speech impediment, so I think your lean towards physical affection would initially pull him in

Also? HUGE grade A nerd. Would indulge in literally anything you would like and would have in common

I feel like he's definitely been a Dungeon Master a couple times and would want to set up a D&D match with you

I think Sol struggles with sarcasm and getting people to take him seriously so it would be refreshing to have someone there for him that could just listen yk.

1000000% offers to clean your glasses for you

Dark humor? That's what he got his master's in, babe.

Bro can and will sit and joke back and forth for hours.

Sollux is definitely on the internet most of his life, so I feel like anything you'd be confused about he would have at least 5 different answers for it, bros a walking encyclopedia.

Bonus: your song!

I imagine he'd listen to stuff like Midwestern emo rock, so have Peach by The Front Bottoms!

I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for the ask!

#homestuck matchups #homestuck x reader #homestuck #tumblr sexymen #sollux captor #hs sollux

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hakureiryuu · 10 months

Text

okay, I'm calm now, ready to rewatch with the intention of understanding, and not through the lens of 3 years of excessive fanfiction.

(and also, apparently, not through the lens of the book? idk man.)

episode 1, lez go!

crowley using that crank thingie to make stars is delightful, gives that bit at the end of s1 so much more impact and puts crowley's tool of choice on par with aziraphale's flaming sword.

thinkin bout the way the intros play out the entire series basically so I was waiting for aziraphale's sprite to fly away or something on 2nd watch. instead they're climbing up this huge purgatory-esque mountain with all of humanity behind them. lends some credence to the idea that the 3 seasons parallel the 3 acts of the divine comedy. (edit: actually the end of the s1 intro has them all jumping into the pits of the inferno so yeah that completely checks out.)

I didn't notice maggie spelled urgency wrong lmao

"I'm very good at forgiveness" bitch the fuck you are! ofc I would not be the least but surprised if heaven culture completely skewed his definition of the word.

crowley's tattoo is lower down on his face and it bothers me.

"why can't they just deliver the mail to your car" first hint that he's living in his damn car, which I didn't figure out until like ep3 XD

john hamm is delightful and I so deeply regret all the fics where gabriel is explicitly rapey. now he's a himbo of legendary proportions and I love him.

fly buzzing lol

"now that I'm not reporting to heaven" gdi he feels a lack without a system to report to even if that system was shit. he misses the scraps of approval heaven used to give him and doesn't know how to fill that void.

aziraphale practicing acknowledging his relationship with crowley 🥰

also I was so pleased when they tossed in that aziraphale knows about shax, they are (were 😭) doing so well.

I'm dying, their argument over gabriel is an exact parallel to their argument over going back to heaven. aziraphale wants to fix the problem. crowley wants to run from the problem. help me.

all the archangels dress in the cool spectrum of whites but muriel is warm and it stands out rather starkly.

s1 beelzebub had such an interesting accent and manner of speaking that this new one lacks. too feminine, maybe? not that enbys owe anyone androgyny I guess. idk I'm bad at change, ignore me.

trying to read into bee's behavior knowing what's really going on is so bizarre XD

that whole book of life thing never actually comes to fruition this season and I am scared.

I had zero investment in the secondary ship but listing off all the parallels makes it so interesting that they flip it all on its head by the end about who is paralleling who.

1793 was the french revolution, 1941 was the blitz. what the hell happened in 1650??

d'you think david tennent made up the I was wrong dance in the spot? 😂

"no alarm bells ringing in heaven" -cut to alarm bells ringing in heaven- welp

also I like the gestures both of them used in keeping with the rules. snapping is great and all but I like variety sometimes 😌

part 2

#good omens #good omens season 2

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mistydeyes · 11 months

Note

Hey there! Can I request a pair-up thingy for the mw2 boys?

If yes then here's some info regarding me. (It's long as hell so beware)

Appearance: Appearance-wise, I can describe myself as emo but in a casual way. I have black hair styled in an undercut, I have a few piercings and the classic dark eyeliner and black painted nails. Most of my wardrobe are in the monochrome spectrum. Other things to note is that I'm shorter than usual, is sorta toned, and has light brown skin and eyes.

Personality: I tend to be described as chill yet funny by other people. It's true but I can be abit of a gremlin when I'm close to people. I am a huge introvert and barely makes any new friends (also caused by a few shitty friendships and resulting in trust issues). But when I do befriend someone, I think the world of them even though my main form of affection is teasing. I do have a problem with being abit emotionally constipated and empathizing with others, but I've masked my undiagnosed autism long enough to cover all this up.

What I seek in a partner: I am pretty open-minded to all kinds of things, things of this sort is no exceptions. I don't really have a preference for a partner, whether it may be appearance or gender. Some personality traits I swoon over more are partners that can double as my best friend, patience with regards to my issues with emotions and a good sense of humor.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

How you met: Civilian As you entered the cosmetics store, you quickly made your way to the nail polish aisle. You had come here for years and knew exactly what you needed: an Essie brand black nail polish. To your dismay, when you walked to the aisle you saw a young man standing there with the last bottle. You were about to grab another brand when he spoke up. "Um, excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know if this is a good brand?" he asked sheepishly. As you eyed his casual attire and cap covering his short hair, you couldn't help but feel like this was a joke. "Yeah it is, the best one actually," you replied, "I've been using that one for years!" "Oh really, I feel bad for taking the last one then," he said before handing you the bottle. You picked out your second favorite brand and handed it to him, "here this one should work just fine." "This might be asking for a lot but would you mind painting my nails for me? It's some stupid punishment from my mate," he asked, hoping you wouldn't find him weird. You thought for a moment but didn't see the harm in it. This was the start of you both as you gently painted Kyle's nails on the curb of the cosmetics store.

A peek into your relationship: "Kyle, I hate this," you said, hiding behind the dressing room curtain. This morning you both saw a TikTok about dressing your significant other and he thought it would be a great idea. Now, you regretted it as he stood handsomely in the monochrome outfit you had chosen for him and you were in neon overalls. "C'mon love, I just want to see," he encouraged. You huffed and came out of the room in a flurry of neon orange. "I look like a damn traffic cone," you said as you rolled your eyes. "Yes but you're my traffic cone," he replied and gently placed a kiss on your forehead. Later that evening you would get back at him by painting his nails neon pink and yellow :)

#izziespairings #madebyizzie #cod mwii #mw2 imagine #task force 141 #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x reader #mw2

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the-winter-jedi · 2 years

Text

I need to put this somewhere I can organize my thoughts.

In about a month, I'm getting ready to start my HRT journey. This is something I've been mulling over for the past 11 years. When I was 18, that's when I first really started to question my gender identity. At first, I wondered if I was transgender because I never quite felt like a "girl." This was well before I had the vocabulary and understanding of gender as a spectrum. After some self reflection, I didn't quite feel "truly" trans because I had no desire to completely become a man. I've always been fond of my feminine body and have no desire to physically alter it, save for starting hormones.

Looking back on my past, experimenting with my different gender roles started as young as kindergarten for me. I'd always want to play the chivalrous prince or other male-centric roles, but I also loved being the cute, girly princess. Age 12 was when I really started to experiment with my gender presentation, but I never felt like I could be (birth name) and be a boy at the same time. So, my solution was to create an "alter ego" and call him Scotty (thanks to watching EuroTrip at the time lol). Before I fully developed and went through puberty, it was so much easier to be androgynous and gender fluid, but growing up in a small town, I didn't have the vocabulary or the knowledge to understand what I was going through at the time. Keep in mind, this was also between 2005-2011 when gender identity wasn't widely talked about either.

Throughout my late teens and early 20s, I discovered genderfluid as an identity. Around age 24 or 25 was when I started to give up trying to look masculine, because I never felt like I could "pass" and trying to look masculine caused me to feel more body dysmorphia than the gender euphoria that I craved. So, for a while, I started presenting more hyper feminine, and only occasionally playing around with a masculine-type presentation if I was really in a mood on any given day, but I would never go out in public, unless it was in a queer space. Even then, I always felt insecure about being perceived as a "butch lesbian" rather than genderfluid.

Around May or June of this year, it dawned on me that I very well might be agender. This idea came to me when my roommate asked me what gender I felt like when we were dressing up for an event. My only response was "no" as I laughed it off. However, now that the ball is finally rolling for me to start HRT, I'm wondering if I might start leaning more towards being genderfluid again if my meatsuit can match the way I feel inside. Part of me wonders if I would feel more comfortable in my femininity if I had at least the option to present more masculine when I want to. In addition to HRT, I'm also looking into getting a good quality binder from For Them (forthem.com) once I get some spending money.

I've always had an attraction to femboys, not as a fetish like a lot of people seem to have on this site, but more out of body envy. From age 18, I found myself wanting to look like a twink and dress girly if I want to. However, being assigned female at birth, all people see is a cis woman, and not a femboy. It also doesn't help that I have an hourglass figure complete with 36DD breasts and an ass like a peach. With this kind of body that I have, I also turn to weight lifting and bodybuilding as a hobby, because if I'm going to be perceived as a girl, I may as well be a muscle girl because a lot of people do perceive them as masculine. Hopefully once I start T, I can actually start building the kind of masculine body that I want rather than building up the feminine body that I have.

It feels better to get everything out in the open like this. Hopefully things will start coming together in a month once I get my antidepressants stabilized and start on my hormones. I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about it soon and it was a huge relief to know that she has extensive experience treating transgender and gender non-conforming patients. Wish me luck!

#transgender #non binary #gender noncomformity #they/them #fae/faer #gender dysphoria blues

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allbeendonebefore · 2 years

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🌱 👗 🤔 💘 for Red Deer

🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer?

Further along the green thumb part of the spectrum because agritourism is a Huge part of the economy in central Alberta. Red is very pro farm-to-table experience so I imagine she is very adept with grains and vegetables and flowers and the like. I'm not sure about houseplants though, lol. (also i admit one of the things i miss about rural ab is the flax and canola fields, they are So Pretty)

👗 - How comfortable would they be wearing a skirt or dress?

I suppose it depends on the skirt or a dress, I don't draw her in them often but i think she does wear them, it is just the nature of her job(s) to avoid them on work days because loose fabric getting caught in machinery is a Bad Time but i do think she would wear them on weekends or other time off.

🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand?

there are so many things. she will never understand her lack of understanding lol. she is very myopic and her thoughts are kind of limited to the practical every day most of the time.

💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)?

ok i know im like hehe wouldnt it be fun to write a dating sim with red as the main character but i find it so difficult to ever imagine her with a partner. she's so happy to be in the friend zone i don't think the possibility that people would flirt with her even occurs to her.

(a note on this: I don't purposefully imagine red as aro/ace so I think this is "me as an ace writer" getting in the way. I don't want to conflate asexuality with the childish/immature way i portray red either - i think it is more of the idea that she hasn't had a chance to question or explore sexuality yet because she has a lot of assumptions about how the world works and how things are supposed to happen that haven't really been challenged enough. but more on this another time perhaps.)

#pc: red deer #red notes #hapo replies #oc asks

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kharmii · 2 years

Text

Message to Fan Artists

Feel free to PM me if you think I got something wrong. I might be having one big miscommunication, but there's a lot bothering me about Tumblr/Twitter culture lately. To start, it's suddenly a huge deal that I'm posting other people's art from Pixiv/Twitter, even though blogs have been doing it since Tumblr started, and I reblog from several other blogs devoted exclusively to reposting. Some of it is retaliation for me complaining about furries/fetishes. Anyway....

-So you've decided to make fan art, and not just any fan art, but fan art of characters from a huge, worldwide fandom, such as pokemon. Chances are you genuinely love the characters you are drawing, but it's also true you are banking your future notoriety as an artist on characters that do not belong to you. It's possible you wouldn't get a fraction of the attention drawing other than. Lo and behold! Things are happening because of this, and some of it is stuff you don't like. The kiddoes are under the impression that these characters belong to everybody, and they want to spread your work far and wide.

-Not much you can do about it except create a really good watermark. People like me only want to post art with credit on a collection blog. Other shady characters might want to steal your work and make t-shirts or post on Pinterest without credit. The owners of the copyrights for popular characters don't gaf because it's all free advertising for their brand.

-But fan artists also have a brand, especially if they are taking commissions and have that $ tip on their posts. That's why it's ridiculous all these people on Tumblr/Twitter believe they can list a slew of criteria people have to follow to enjoy their work. This the internet, where terrorists are posting beheadings, and weirdos are posting their homemade smut videos. It's a free-for-all, and nobody owes anybody anything. A fan artist only has the right to be quietly adored and have their egos stroked from afar if others choose to give them that right. -But too many hide behind their supposed autism-spectrum to excuse their social laziness at best or antisocial snobbery at worst. They're all like, "You're not allowed to comment on my posts, reblog my posts with commentary, or interact with me if you are a TERF, pro-shipper, Trump supporter, etc."

Side note: I suspect a lot of people who are socially lazy due to autistic spectrum are middle to upper middle class white women who have enabler relatives who'd coddle them. I'll bet there's no autism spectrum in Mumbai, India. Want to know why? Well, because anybody who has been packed into public transit like a sardine in Mumbai has had the experience of a skeevy complete stranger jamming a finger up to their knuckle into their butthole. Once that happens to a person.....IT CHANGES YOU, MAN!!1! -Not that I've ever experienced that *darts eyes* but I'm able to put life into the proper perspective and not get uptight over a fucking quote tweet.

Moving on....

-So as I said, fan artists charging for their work have to sell their brand to make money. It doesn't matter if you are a die-hard Bernie Sanders fan who loathes capitalism, the laws of it still apply to you, and that means you have to work on your public image. You are a hotdog vendor selling hotdogs, and you aren't going to move as many if you alienate whole groups of people, such as pro-shippers or people who reblog your posts with comments. If you are popular, you might have to resign yourself to getting asks from weirdos and act gracious about it if people ask you the same questions over and over. IE: An artist drawing gardevoir will get asked the 'is her dress skin?' question ad nauseam. It might seem stale to you, but new people discover gardevoir every day, and it's fresh for them.

If you are a not-so good artist who isn't charging for work but does creepy fetishes for attention, what is this nonsense where people aren't allowed to criticize you? Maybe people don't want to see their favorite characters represented that way and will speak up. IE: Subway Boss Emmet, like everybody knows that one autistic guy who is a serial killer who fucks sheep and has his brother locked in his basement with his leg cut off. There's one in every town, right?

It's not just autism spectrum though, many fan artists excuse their bad behavior hiding behind gay/trans sjw bullshit identity. They'll screech 'oppression' if you give them a hard time. That doesn't always work. Look at Lily Orchard who is a popular transfemale YouTube personality who treated too many of her fans like garbage. A bunch of people shrugged off decades of gay crusader, trans-jihad brainwashing and said, "By golly...I'M GOING TO DARE CRITICISE HER!!" -Next thing you know, there are gossip blogs dedicated to discussing her MLP pedo comic or pointing out possible domestic abuse and/or gaslighting.

Don't ever pull the 'gay gay autism gay' oppression bullshit on me because I'll just say, "I am Kharmii, and I am above rules". A lot of people will block me for it, but enough will not. I've noticed that the really popular artists generally know the game and don't take sides in the pro/anti shipping wars. Aspiring artists should follow their example.

#fandumb fail #blankshipping #ranty rant rant #gardevoir #somebody has to say it #the usual bullshit #where i lose half my followers #tumblr etiquette #lily orchard #capitalism

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theaspieworld · 6 months

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These signs of Aspergers Syndrome will help you identify autism in someone FAST: 1. Stimming. This is a self stimulatory behaviour behaviour that is presented like patterns of flapping hands, rocking back and forth or even humming a certain tone. Lot’s of people with...

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