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#and went downhill real fast
modjisan · 5 months
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girl dinner
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cybersteal · 4 months
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it's a danger pretty, here in Night City
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brewed-pangolin · 4 months
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Sooooo....guess who just tested positive for Covid?
No fic this Super Soap Sunday. Gonna take the weekend (week) off.
Hopefully, be better for next week. (Or however long it takes)
Stay Thirsty Soap Sqaud 🧼
And stay healthy 😘
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coulsonlives · 9 months
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I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.
#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell)#she had spent all her time on tiktok and i know for 100% sure that's where she got the idea. it's TRAGIC how fast things went downhill#i'm legit horrified at how many people (esp young kids of 13-14) think they have this too. or are just pretending#i've been neck deep in hardcore research (and i'm talking pubmed sciencedirect etc only) for months#and those kids definitely don't have did.. if they have trauma and are dissociating it's going to be something else like dpdr etc#the number of stupid 'you have did' answers i see for totally basic questions like 'i got dizzy what's wrong w me' is insane too#it's like googling 'muscle twitch' and then thinking you have some rare 1/billion familial cancer thing despite other obvious explanations#but worse.. in these cases the information is being fed to them. they don't have an opportunity to explore other possibilities#and the worst part is they don't even know to CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. they don't have info literacy#like i'll say this once: did is so rare that it's STILL contentious about whether it even exists#and it only happens in the most unimaginably traumatic experiences. think of the worst possible things you could do to a child#where even just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. THAT'S the kind of trauma that leads to did. the truly evil stuff.#i'm not even gonna start on the BITE model shenanigans that are happening in the 'did' communities either#or how the people who used to be in them (and got out) always equate them to self-harming cults that celebrated not finding real answers#they got told they were 'perfect the way they were' despite having OBVIOUS psychological issues they needed help for#(it just wasn't did)#they were assured their 'did was valid no matter what'. toxic positivity ig? it just delayed their real diagnosis and ability to get help#but now you have gluts of people like in the video 'talking to themselves' and people on tumblr posting one-liners of 'alters' talking#one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties#the did/tourettes/ftlb stuff has literally been called a 'mass sociogenic illness' in multiple academic studies#but like qanon believers they seem to immediately discredit anyone who mentions this with 'you're just ableist' so anything you say is poo#aka you're part of the problem you're an 'ableist' so your legit info even though legit isn't valid/acceptable/real/whatever. i'm tired fam#did#dissociative identity disorder#osdd#ddnos#munchausen syndrome#mass psychogenic illness#ableism
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royaibrainrot · 1 year
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I finally finished Fullmetal Alchemist 2003! That was certainly… an ending!
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neonkoii · 2 months
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could really go for a good brown sugar milk tea rn
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romanticmoonchild · 1 year
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An older woman (resident) at work wanted to talk me out of my earrings and said I had a big round red butt (I had a red shirt on).
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kingbiwing · 1 year
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daily reminder that cocaine is not worth it
like yeah its nice but it's hella overhyped and especially OVERPRICED
i got 2 grams yesterday and paid 140€ (which is about ~$151 or ~122£) only to consume 2/3 (tWO THIRDS!!!!!) of the bag in less than 25 DAMN HOURS
94 EUROS, 101 USD, 82 GBP
GONE IN ONE DAY???!??
anyways fuck cocaine
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impishjesters · 8 months
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hii can you please do jax x shapeshifter reader hcs/short story (your choice)... like they dont have a "normal" form nn can turn into anything they wanted to i think thatd be cool /nf
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warning(s): Jax, mentioned using someone's fear as a prank note(s): I wasn't sure how to list the prank, it's probably considered particularly cruel given it's using Ragatha's fear of centipedes as entertainment A/N: I think having the ability to shape-shift and be friends with Jax is such a violently chaotic blend, and honestly I'm here for it. Gotta get your fun somehow.
To be honest, Jax questions whether you’re actually a human or not at first
It wouldn’t be the first time Caine decided to throw something new at them, though usually it’s a game or activity and not another…person?
Like obviously you don’t look like the wooden doll NPCs, but you can just uh, change what you wanna look like?
He’s entirely convinced you’re just some fancier NPC for a hot minute before you start to react in a very non-NPC way
Those wooden dolls don’t particularly do much, and they sure as hell can’t speak
The first thing Jax tries to do is rope you into his messing around with the others—just think of it, you can turn into whatever you want which means even more hilarious possibilities for pranking the others!
Now if you aren’t like Jax and deny helping him, he’ll still find ways to use your shape-shifting abilities to his enjoyment.
Even if it doesn’t result in a prank, it’d still be hilarious to see you shift into something that ends up scaring someone else or just overall causing chaos to whatever awful domino effect might happen (I mean look at the Kaufmo situation, shit went downhill real fast unintentionally)
He’s not going to be aggressive or forceful but he’ll still throw out that the two of you would make a great team in entertainment
And if you like causing hell then this baby is just like a kid on Christmas, as mentioned above he’ll use your ability to shape-shift into things that’ll entertain him—and well by proxy you
Like the time you guys fucked with Kinger
He had you shape-shift to look like himself and engage in a convo with Kinger, and when the convo ended he came over and started up a conversation, acting as if he hadn’t seen the old coot in a hot minute. Kinger was very very lost—Ragatha didn’t find it that funny
Nor did she find it funny the time you turned into a large centipede-like creature and scared the ever-loving shit out of her
Okay maybe you felt a tad bad, and sure it definitely had her loathing you for a bit—but she’s definitely grown more on guard with you around
Overall Jax finds it kind of interesting that unlike them, you are able to sort of pick and choose what you wanna look like. The two of you no doubt spent hours just watching you cycle through and test just what kind of stuff you could change into.
Caine still isn’t sure how that happened to be completely honest, you’re an enigma to him and he doesn’t like that
Jax won’t say it but he’s only a little weirded out when you’ve made yourself look like him, he knows what he looks like—there are reflective surfaces, but it’s just…weird
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ozdicaff · 1 year
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INTRODUCING: CHILDRENS SHOW AU!
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WAY too excited to share these guys !!!! im super proud of these designs <3
CTS!Y/n and information about the AU under the cut!
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In this AU, FazCo is a company running a TV channel network called FazBS, where each animatronic has their own show!
Sun's show airs at mornings and is all about getting energized and hyped up for the day, its similar to LazyTown with it's cartoon-esc violence and slapstick humor, with scenarios that make little sense, but are entertaining to watch anyway! only very simple language is used to make everything understandable for younger kids, with cameos of the other animatronics! his show was extremely popular, just above Roxy's and below Monty's in popularity.
Moon's show airs around bedtime and is focused on getting kids to go to sleep, with a soothing music box soundtrack, Moon's trance-inducing voice, and more advanced dialogue that makes kids zone out, its known for how fast it puts kids to sleep, even the especially rambunctious ones fall asleep out of boredom. While his show wasn't as talked about nor popular as sun's, it was highly rated among parents.
[descriptions for the glamrocks' shows will be added later when i draw refs for them too! :D]
Well, that was before the entire channel went downhill after FazCo fired all of its human workers.
Yeah, despite the channel's success and being extremely profitable, this was the FazCo's end-game from the start. Being able to AI-generate children's content without having to pay a single human, FazCo thought that their animatronics have already learnt enough from being show hosts for more than 10 years now, but they thought wrong. The gradual decline in quality was felt by the parents, and after Bonnie's show was suddenly cancelled- even the kids noticed how bad things were getting.
[psst, i'll go into detail about how each show was effected by this change in another post!]
Parents called in, demanding the shows they grew up with to be good again, and it wasn't just nostalgia speaking.
So, in an uncharacteristic turn of events, FazCo responded! They said that Freddy's, Monty's, Roxy's and Chica's shows were going to have human staff again!
...what they neglected to mention, was that they were pulling funding from Foxy's show, and cutting Sun's and Moon's budget in half to make up for this change.
Sun now has to re-use and repurpose old props to make up for his inability to get new ones, buying with his now super limited budget cheap D.I.Y kits to make crafts with- not to mention, without having any human staff around, he had to play every sound effect in real time- because the new S.T.A.F.F bots FazCo got have ZERO idea what comedic timing is. Needless to say he was under a lot of pressure, his show was pretty well liked by both kids and parents, and he didn't want to disappoint them. He had to change a lot with the absence of human actors and no narrator to have a solid dynamic with, calling on his pal Chica often jus to have another person on the show.
Moon's show however, was doomed from this change. Y'see, his show featured a narrator, posing as a curious soul and asking Moon thoughtful questions he can answer in a way kids can digest, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood style, and with no off-screen voice he can respond to, Moon's show felt incredibly eerie, as his true thoughts were left free with no guidance from his narrator buddy. He started acting stranger and stranger, going on derailed existential tangents accidentally, making a few jabs at FazCo here and there from frustration. The kids didn't understand any of it, but the parents found it off-putting, and complained.
Eventually, Moon's show was put on a permanent hiatus, after a particularly bad episode where 'moon truly let his rising anger at FazCo loose', as an article described it. No recording was archived of this episode, and any attempts to post it is quickly struck down by FazCo.
They've re-run old episodes of his show for about 6 months now, with no sign of moon coming back.
This, however, is when Y/N comes in! after half a year of dwindling ratings of sun's show, and decreasing profits in merch sales, they caved in and hired a single narrator! after not being able to retrieve their old narrator, due to "a small disagreement."- they brought you, surely, they don't expect you to single handedly bring back sun's show from ruin!? ...well, did they?
who fuckin knows you'll find out in my [soon to be written] fic lol
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charlewiss-writes · 2 years
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call it what you want / charles leclerc
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masterlist
day 13: necklace (one-word november prompts!)
pairing: charles leclerc x reader
word count: 1.8k
summary: after a awful night at qatar gp 2021, you were looking for a way out and charles was right there. how did your relationship evolve when you didn't want anything to do with anyone, but he was, well, him?
t you're constantly attracting eachother?
warnings: abusive behaviour. max being an asshole but only for the fic (I don't believe he is actually like that, I just needed someone to play the villain)
author's note: I know that it's late but i really liked how this turned out 🥹 hope you like it too!
inspired by:
I recall late November, holdin' my breath
sunday, november 21, 2021.
after coming second place, you knew max would be furious. he was still in the lead of the 2021 world championship, but with lewis just a few points behind him, the pressure was too high. you saw his faked smile on the podium, and even though your cheers for your boyfriend were genuine, the smile on your lips didn't quite reach your eyes.
max wasn't aggressive, but sometimes, when he was really mad about something that happened on the track, he would raise his voice a bit too high for your liking, and close the doors a bit too hard for you to avoid flinching. and that's what happened when the dutchman entered his driver's room after he had finished all his duties.
"what are you doing here?" he said, after closing the door a bit too hard. you winced at the venom that distilled from his voice. you quickly began to apologize, even though there was no real reason for you to do. "I'm sorry, I thought you might need-"
"I don't need anything from you. leave." he said, not giving you a second look. "what?"
"i said leave!"
too stunned to actually talk back at him for taking his anger out on you, you simply stood up and left, careful not to make too big of a fuss and trying to go unnoticed. when you got out the door of the hospitality, walking as fast as you could, you accidentally bumped into someone.
Slowly I said, "You don't need to save me
But would you run away with me?"
Yes (would you run away?)
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"y/n, right?" you nodded, still looking at your feet to avoid looking straight into the man's eyes. "are you okay?". you mumbled a quick "i need to go" before yanking your wrist out of his touch. still, he went after you. "I know you maybe don't know me, but please" he ran a little, just enough to put his body in front of you again, impending your way. "how can i help you?".
with how freaked out you were about the whole situation that had occurred in the last 5 minutes, you hadn't realised that the man that was in front of you was charles leclerc.
you didn't actually know him personally, just by the little gentle nods when you were accompanying your boyfriend to the races. still, he had always been friendly towards you, but that didn't mean you two were close. but he was your only way out of there, and there wasn't anything you wanted more than to get away from max, as quickly as possible, in whatever way you could.
"can you get me out of here?"
Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night
he nodded enthusiastically, looking intentionally at your eyes. it was like he was seeing right through you, like he knew about everything that went downhill inside the building behind you. and with that sympathetic look that could light up the whole night, he grabbed your hand and you two made your way out of the track, thankfully avoiding prying eyes.
All my flowers grew back as thorns
Windows boarded up after the storm
He built a fire just to keep me warm
the first few days where hard.
you didn't know charles that well, and he understood why you didn't feel comfortable talking about what happened that sunday night. after all, max was his friend first, and you thought that he wouldn't believe whatever you had to tell him if that meant going behind his friend's back.
but he proved you wrong.
day after day he called you, visited the place where you were staying, making sure you were okay, that you had everything you would need without actually having to leave, avoiding running into your now ex boyfriend. charles was doing everything in his power to help you through this time, but still giving you the space you desperately needed, wanting to get away from the racing world.
thankfully, max hadn't called you after everything that happened. it seemed like he understood the message quite clearly after you went back to your shared place and took everything with you.
All the drama queens taking swings
All the jokers dressin' up as kings
They fade to nothing when I look at him
monday, december 13, 2022.
the speculations about your breakup had started quickly due to your disappearance when the next weekend rolled around. it was weird, especially after being by max's side through the whole season. and even though the dutchman didn't actually confirm or deny the breakup rumors, when he won the 2021 world driver championship and had another girl cheering for him, it became quite clear that you two were over.
charles and you had grown closer since that night in qatar, and after abu dhabi, he flew as quickly as he could back to monaco. not only because he desperately wanted the season to be over after finishing seventh in the standings, but because he wanted to see you as soon as possible, to assure that you were doing okay after max's little show the day before.
"what are you doing here?" you were a little surprised to see charles back at your place, in monaco, after watching him on tv a few hours before, racing on the other side of the world. "wanted it all to end as soon as possible. took the first flight back home" he hugged you and rubbed your back while doing so. you moved aside, so he could step into your apartment.
"i know you saw the little stunt he pulled yesterday" he mumbled, seated in your couch with his arms resting on his knees, looking at the floor. he never referred to max by his name when he was talking about him with you, not that it happened often. being a harry potter die-hard fan, he preferred to call him by voldemort's nickname in the series, he who must not be named. it was a silly thing to do, but it always made you smile. you sat next to him and put your palm on his knee, reassuringly. "i'm just glad you got tenth place" you smiled, and now he turned his head, connecting his blue eyes with yours. "i'm sure you'll do better next season".
And I know I make the same mistakes every time
Bridges burn, I never learn, at least I did one thing right
monday, february 14, 2022.
"can we go out tonight?" charles looked at you with pleading eyes, while laying on your stomach. "you're sure?" you said, clear doubt in your voice. being valentine's day, you knew that if anyone saw you, they would put two and two together and figure that between charles and you there was something bigger than a friendship.
not that you really cared about what anyone would say, but it would be like throwing a match to a gasoline tank, inevitably exploding, and you were afraid that it would break you two apart. charles would be called a bad friend, a traitor, like anyone apart from you three knew what truly happened between you. and you would be called every name on the book. so you wanted to avoid going public for however long you could, keep your situationship in the dark.
"yes, are you?"
after everything that happened with your ex, you had almost promised to yourself that you wouldn't date another driver on the grid. and it wasn't intentional, but how could you not fall for charles when he was an angel sent from heaven?
My baby's fit like a daydream
Walking with his head down
I'm the one he's walking to
saturday, march 20, 2022.
going against your friend's advice, you decided to join charles on the first race weekend of the season. it was your first race back since everything went downhill in qatar, so you were nervous about running into max or any redbull's employees, knowing that your presence would eventually be disclosed to the dutchman. so, you remained at all times on charles' trailer, where usually no one came close, and no one apart from his pr manager and carlos knew about you turning up to bahrain.
not even charles, as you didn't want to distract him from qualifying.
only after getting pole, for the first time of the season, carlos was the one responsible to tell his monegasque friend that you were actually there. he almost was as quickly as his car when running through the paddock, trying to get to you as quickly as possible. once he made it through the door, closing it fast to avoid any spying eyes, he reached for you, already standing on the middle of the room, prepared to congratulate him on his achievement. "I knew you could do it, love!"
"everything for you".
I want to wear his initial
On a chain round my neck, chain round my neck
Not because he owns me
But 'cause he really knows me
thursday, august 12, 2022.
even though you were acting like a couple for a bit now, and everyone that knew you thought that you were, in fact, together, you two weren't official yet. not because you didn't want to, but you wanted to avoid moving too fast, and charles understood your decision. you were seen at the track a couple of times now since the season started, always by the monegasque side, but walking behind him, careful to keep your distance.
but now, since the summer break had started, you had spent every waking moment together in your apartment, almost attached to the hip. considering that he would be going with his family on a trip soon, you didn't want to lose any moment you two could enjoy, not wanting to miss him later, even though it would be inevitable.
"why don't you come with me then, ma belle?" charles said, while packing the things he kept at your house on a suitcase. you laughed a bit, thinking that he was joking. when you saw his serious face, you got up from the couch and went to hug him from behind. "maybe another time, love. now you have to rest, spend some time with your loved ones".
"then you should be there too" charles turned his head a bit so he could kiss your temple. he whispered in your ear "wait, i have something I've been waiting to give you."
you weren't good with surprises, so you stood up quickly after charles had gone to grab whatever he had on his jacket. pouting, you said "what is it, charles?"
"don't be inpatient and close your eyes for me, love" he called with a tone full of mischief. you laughed a bit and put your hands covering your eyes, to avoid the urge to spy. "put your hands out" charles commanded and you obliged, extending your palms face up towards where you assumed he was standing.
he deposited a small box that, once he told you it was okay to open your eyes, you could see that was white. opening it you saw a beautiful necklace with a little c letter on it, small but still visible enough. "i know this could be too soon for you, but i need to do this. you can call it what you want, but please, will you be officially mine?"
smiling, you answered softly. "nothing i would want more, charles".
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purplesharks · 6 days
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Plagued Dreams [Ticci Toby x Reader]
Chapter 1: Bluebell
AO3
First chapter is a bit more fast paced than I'd like but it'll improve :)
Every damn night Toby would see the same girl. Never once before had he seen this woman, but everytime he shut his eyes and entered the dream world she’d appear before him.
Sometimes the dreams would even be super detailed... he’d feel things. He felt her soft skin against his, the wind flowing through his messy hair. Everything felt so damn real.
He would wake up with this strange feeling. A sense of yearning, longing to know who this woman was. He almost wanted to hold her soft face in his hands, to feel her gaze on him.
In those dreams she never once spoke to him. But the way she looked at him, the way she tightly held his hand spoke so many words to him. Who even is she? He wanted to know so many things about her, to look into the crevices and see within. Just make her aware of him too.
Hell, maybe she’s not even real… maybe she’s just some delusion his desperate brain conjured up. He sure hopes that she is real, that one day they can meet each other. There’s no way she isn’t out there somewhere!
Toby honestly felt grateful for this dream woman. His sleep used to be plagued by haunting nightmares that made him wake up in a cold sweat. Now they were filled with her instead.
Most of the dreams were seemingly random. Toby would simply be spending time with her, like going on walks and such. He’d never really had this type of bond with anyone. Her treatment was so so different from what he’d received his entire life. She never judged him, or even ridiculed him for anything unusual he did. Growing up Toby failed to connect with those around him… but everything about him seemed to just click with her.
He doesn’t even know anything about her, not even her name. None of that mattered in the end though. Even if she’s just some dream girl (at least he hopes she’s real), he’s never felt so at peace with someone before.
On rare occasions though, those blissful dreams would involve things he despised to even think about.
There was one dream where it seemed to take place in his late teenage years… the years where everything truly went downhill for Toby.
It was a bad night. Toby and his father had a big screaming match and Toby fled the house. His father said something that seemed to hit a specific nerve within him. It affected him so badly he just needed to get out.
So he went to the forest.
Toby liked the forest, no one was there to bother him, to ridicule him. It made him feel so, so peaceful.
He sat against a tree and let out frustrated tears. The reason behind these tears wasn’t even clear to him at this point. His father had upset him, sure… but he wasn’t usually one to cry about any of that.
Toby began to think about how he basically had nobody. He had his sister and mother… but other than that no one really gave a shit. He couldn’t even make friends and his father hated his guts.
It’s nice to be alone but not feel alone. It’s a cruel and isolating feeling that suffocates you.
In his fit of emotions, Toby failed to notice the concerned girl staring at him.
“H-hey… are you alright?” The girl timidly asked, trying to get his attention.
Toby choked on his own spit at the sudden sound. It was a voice he didn’t recognize, in a place where he usually called his own.
He sees an all too familiar face staring down at him. She’s holding a basket in her hands, it contains different flowers that she must have picked in it.
Toby does nothing but stare. He doesn’t even know what to say. Not like he could even get the words past his throat.
He doesn’t even know this is a dream so he doesn’t exactly recognize the girl… but she’s so painfully familiar to him.
The girl stares back at him, feeling rather awkward under his intense gaze.
Suddenly, she clears her throat and speaks.
“S-sorry- I was picking some flowers and.. I saw you crying and got worried,” the girl shyly murmurs before taking one of the flowers out of the basket. “Here.. take this, it’s a gift from me to you, maybe that’ll cheer you up a bit at least.”
The girl smiles warmly at him and puts the flower in his hand.
It’s a heliotrope, a flower that symbolizes devotion and eternal love.
Toby stares at the flower in his hand, then the girl before him. She’s the first person outside of his family to make him feel some sense of peace, hope even. He doesn’t even know why but this simple action of hers makes him want to hug her and never let go.
Almost like something took over his body, he stands up and wraps his arms around her. He’s shocked by his own actions, but she doesn’t pull away. At first she seems taken aback but gently leans into the hug and wraps her arms around him as well.
It’s almost like they’ve known each other for years. He wishes that hug would never end, that he could be wrapped in her warm embrace forever. Of course all dreams come to an end though.
To Toby’s dismay, he wakes up. He’s quickly faced with his harsh reality. No one cares about him here, no one comes looking. His only hope is finding that woman, he needs to meet her.
That was the first time he ever actually heard her voice. He wishes he could just hear it again, for that beautiful sound to grace his ears once more.
Did she have these dreams as well? Maybe she also wanted to see him. Or he was probably just alone in this and she was living her life without even being aware of him.
That thought felt like a punch in the stomach. His dreams were plagued with her and yet she was probably dreaming of other things, other people even. Hell… she might even have some boyfriend.
Toby almost feels jealous at the thought of that. What the woman he’d seemingly (despite him not even realizing it) fallen in love with was waking up next to the love of her life meanwhile he was losing his shit wondering who she even is? Life really isn’t fair is it. Not to Toby at least.
What if he did end up meeting her and she just laughed at him? Who would want to devote themselves to someone like him anyways? She’s probably got a whole life ahead of her unlike Toby. Toby has absolutely nothing ahead of him and he is to blame for that.
Is it really though? The blame should be put on his deadbeat father. Toby was a bright child with a promising future, he just struggled in life and people took that fact and shoved it in his face. Look where that got him. He’s laying in his bed thinking about some girl who might not even exist.
This is the harsh reality of Toby Rogers.
Nothing seems to go his way.
The sun beams down at Toby’s pale face as he walks along the sidewalk. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, nor where he’s going. It’s just one of those walks you take to get some thoughts out of your head.
The birds are chirping happily, the grass is a lovely green. Everything around him is so happy and lively, it almost feels like a mockery to Toby’s current state.
Toby passes an elderly woman who is tending to her flowers and she looks over to him as he’s passing by. There’s a pitiful look in her eyes almost as if she can feel the misery radiating off of him.
The sweet woman casts him a warm smile before waving at him. A simple action that makes him smile back, a smile that’s almost not forced, as he waves back.
Such a small act of kindness goes a long way for Toby. It feels good to know not everyone is shallow, that there’s people who have an ounce of consideration for others.
He hopes that one day he can be the light in someone's darkness, to be the person that shines hope to others.
Toby continues on his walk feeling a tiny more hopeful. He even stops at a bakery on the way back home and picks up a nice pastry. Even Toby likes to treat himself sometimes.
He arrives home and feels a bit more relieved after his walk. Nature has always been a soothing thing for him. Nature doesn’t judge you like people do. It’s beautiful yet unforgiving to those who deserve it. That is a fact Toby knows very well. As a man who has written novels on known murderers, he’s seen how nature punishes those who have slain the weak.
His house feels lonely and quiet. He’s been meaning to add onto his decor to give it a more homey feel. The decor isn’t bad, just lacking personality.
‘I bet her house is decorated nicely.’ Toby thinks to himself. He wonders what you’re doing right now. Are you asleep? Maybe you’re off on a nice trip somewhere far from here.
He thinks about you more than he’d like to admit. Wonders what you’re doing constantly. What do you even do for a living?
Maybe you’ve got some hot boyfriend who’s got his life together, so together you don’t even need to have a job. More put together than Toby has ever been.
He hates when these thoughts come into his head. They’re bitter, jealous, and immature. Part of him hopes you’re with someone who’s treating you right. You deserve someone who treats him as softly as you’ve treated him in his dreams. Your touch is forgiving and kind, he just wants to give you the world.
You just need to come into his world so he can give you that.
The image of your face is burned into his mind. The way your eyes look as they gaze into his, the curve of your lips as you shoot him those smiles he wishes were reserved for him. How your face felt in his hands, so delicate he felt that you could shatter if he weren’t careful.
He wants to take you to nice places. To take you to nice restaurants and sit under the stars with you.
It’s unrealistic and cheesy but he can’t help but hope for such a future.
Toby vigorously shakes his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts. He often finds himself zoning out for long periods of time, just thinking deeper than he should.
It’s still the middle of the day. He feels like it should be night by now. Suppose it’s just one of those days where each passing hour feels like lightyears.
Toby gets up and heads to the bathroom. Seeing himself in the mirror he takes in his tired appearance. Even though he’s been sleeping better recently he looks more tired than ever. There’s a tiny bit of stubble lining his jawline and heavy eye bags gracing his dark brown eyes. Toby lets out a sigh and rubs his tired eyes, as if that will change something.
He opens his cabinet beside the mirror and pulls out his shaving cream and razor. He then gets to work at shaving the bit of facial hair he has. Despite the fact that he doesn’t really have anyone to look good for, he at least likes to feel presentable.
There’s not really much of a solution about the eye bags though. He’s sleeping just fine so how is he supposed to fix a problem he doesn’t know the cause of? Maybe it’s his diet? Can a diet even affect such a thing, sounds strange, no?
With another sigh he exits his bathroom and heads to the living room. Maybe some TV can cheer him up further.
He turns on the TV and flips through the channels before something catches his eye.
The news channel is broadcasting something about a new flower shop? Something so insignificant yet it catches his eye. He stops onto that channel, not feeling too interested but wondering what caught his attention in the first place.
His tired eyes bore into the screen as he watches the news reporter blabber into the large microphone.
“Just last month a flower shop began its business, since its opening the business has soared in popularity!” The reporter states, then gestures over to a small building.
Then a woman appears in the frame. She appears to be in her early 20’s or so. Just by the look of her you can tell she doesn’t wanna be broadcasted on live TV.
“And here is the talented woman behind it! Tell us, what inspired you to start such a place?” The nosy reporter quizzes the uncomfortable woman beside him.
He passes her the overly large microphone and the woman’s gaze subtly shifts towards the camera.
Wait a minute…..
No… there’s no way.
Is that her?
Toby almost dies from choking on his spit at the sight of the woman’s face on the screen. It’s too good to be true. No, it must be a doppelganger…. Some people just look alike! There’s no way that someone like Toby got lucky enough that you would just appear on his screen.
It was like an answer to his prayers.
“Well- uh, since I was a kid I was just fascinated by flowers. Y’know flowers have individual meanings, they used to be used in romantic gestures a lot… I also have the meanings on a piece of paper attached to each bouquet I sell.” Despite the amount of information you disclosed, anyone could tell you were trying your best not to stumble over every other word.
“What a heartfelt inspiration! I might have to give it a look!”
Toby zoned out staring at you. Nothing anyone was saying was of any matter anymore. He just couldn’t believe it. There you were in all your beautiful glory, on his television screen.
He even knew your name as well. It really suits you too, and he liked how it felt to say.
Toby recalls the flowers you gave him in his dream. Did those have a meaning? He can’t seem to remember what flowers they were, no matter how hard he thinks. Maybe one day he could give you flowers. He’d give you every flower in the world if he could.
The news broadcast is over and it’s back to discussing things that Toby would never care about.
He still can’t believe it. Now he might have a chance. You’d just have to give him it. What if you were having those dreams as well? He truly hopes so.
Only one way to find out.
He has to go to that flower shop!
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katyawriteswhump · 3 months
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the power of love part 8 (steddie, stobin, steve whump fic)
Steve has a habit of surviving near death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12
(also on AO3 here where it's still in need of love, if anybody is feeling kind *sobs* ;))
Chapter Eight
Eddie POV continued
“You kissed? And now you can’t wake him?” Robin perches beside Steve on the bunk then rounds on Eddie—genuinely baring her teeth. “I shouldn’t leave you alone with him. It’s like you’re cursing him or something.”
“Woah! Are you accusing me of satanist shit now?” Eddie stops pacing the floorboards, claws his hair.
“Steve? Steve! Oh God, please!” She gently pats him, sinks her face into a hand. “Sorry, Eddie. It’s just… totally unexplainable.” She looks up sharply. “That’s exactly what we should be looking for, right?”
“The unexplainable?” Robin nods. “I should be dead. Steve should be bright and breezy—”
“—and it’s not anything to do with the Upside Down.”
Eddie hums uneasily. Should he share the new theory he’s got brewing? “I dunno. It blows to be a cynic, but—"
“Come on, Eddie! There are so many other possible explanations. If the Upside Down is real, who knows what else is? You’re a maestro of the D and D underworld—work with me here.”
They bounce ideas off each other, including that Steve might’ve succumbed to bad beer. Neither of them buy that one.
“Maybe Steve has some sort of regenerative power,” she says, “like Doctor Who. And you’re leeching it out of him, or something.”
Eddie hoots: “It’s my fault again?”
“No! Look, I sometimes get kinda papa grizzly where Steve is concerned, which is odd, because otherwise, I have almost zero protective instinct. We can’t deny the pattern, though—last time you two got mouth to mouth, he performed miracles and then went downhill fast. This time, uh…”
“I slurped the life out of him again?” Eddie sinks down on the opposite bunk. He thinks back to the kiss, which had been so mind-blowingly awesome. Until it wasn’t. Time to test his number one sucks-balls-squared theory of the day.
He slowly peels his shirt—or, rather, Steve’s now extremely grubby t-shirt—off over his head.
“Ew! Save it for the boys, Munson.”
He runs his palm across his midriff, glances over his shoulder, then hurries closer to the window for better light. Holy shit. “I was still covered in scars yesterday. Even earlier today, there was too much pink among the ink. Now there’s diddly-squat.”
 “So, Steve is still healing you?”
Eddie scrunches the shirt and hurls it across the room. “Yeah, and at this rate, my payback’s gonna kill him! We’ve been so fixated on Steve—what if I’m somehow a font of crappy juju? The big bad wolf the whole world believes I am, after all.”
“No.” Robin strokes Steve’s arm. Eddie’s dying to be close to him, too. Shit, he doesn’t dare! “It’s the water. It gives him some kind of power, and he’s passing it on to you. I mean, it doesn’t explain everything, but…”
Eddie retrieves his shirt, grabs her lifeline and clings to it. “It’s as good an explanation as any.”
“Ooooh!” She turns super-excited. “Perhaps there are fairies in Lover’s Lake? Water nymphs? Or aliens landed there! I’m still mightily suspicious about those clouds and the choppers, because—”
“This is getting absurd, Robin.” She sneers at him, shrugs anyhow. “Look, if we buy the lake theory, what can we do about it? It’s not like we can drag him there. We left the car practically in the next county, and he’s too sick.”
“I could fetch water and bring it back here?”
“Given my recent form, I think it’s best for you to stay with him. Eddie the Banished will don his armour and head once more into the breach.”
“Shakespeare? You listened in English Lit?”
Eddie puffs out his chest, conjuring a bravado he so doesn’t feel. “Still gonna be my year, Buckley.”
His armour is chiefly the shelter of the forest, during several hours of tedious trek. He cycles the last part of his journey, pulling his bandana over his face. When he makes radio contact with Dustin, however, his journey feels more than worth it.
Eddie arranges a meet with the Wheelers at Skull Rock. At least, he believes he does. Dustin communicates in one of his more baffling codes. Eddie is blown away, therefore, when he spots his fave lil’ dude approaching their liaison spot. Dustin defiantly wears his Hellfire Club t-shirt, despite everything.
Dustin throws down his crutches. Eddie rushes forward and flings his arms around him.
“Eddie! You son-of-a-bitch! You scared me so much!”
“Yeeeah, I was pretty scared myself.” Eddie hugs him tight, squeezes his eyes tighter. Tears leak anyhow. “But I’m alive and…” He pulls back, drinks up the sight of Dustin, who sniffs and rubs his red face. “God, it’s good to see you.”
Somebody clears their throat. Eddie jumps a good two inches in the air.
“Hey.” Nancy Wheeler stands a few yards off, offering a sheepish wave, which Eddie returns.
It’s not really surprising she’s there. Someone had to give Dustin a ride, and help him limp through the woods. Sitting beneath the rock, the three of them discuss possible explanations for wtf is going on with Steve.
“Okay, let me get my head around this,” she says. “You think Steve derives some sort of regenerative power from Lover’s Lake? And he’s sick? Right now?” She frets her lip. “I should go to him.”
“Uuuuuh, no need. We’re coping all right.” Eddie almost laughs out loud at how badly he doesn’t want her anywhere near Steve. He’d never in his wildest dreams have believed he would go toe-to-toe as a love rival with Nancy Wheeler.
She shakes her head. “There’s gotta be a connection with the Upside Down. This is bad. Really bad.”
“Not necessarily,” says Dustin. “I like Eddie’s hypothesis. There’s no logical reason why all the supernatural shit in this town, let alone this world, is evil.”
“It was Robin’s hypothesis,” admits Eddie.
“Whatever,” says Dustin. “If a bad alternate dimension can bleed into ours, maybe a good dimension can too.”
“I suppose,” said Nancy. Eddie nearly agrees with her, but can’t quite be that gracious. “Either way, if that lake fixes Steve somehow, we need to act quick.”
Nancy heads off to collect lake water. Once she’s gone, Eddie feels able to share his other Steve-related issue: “Didn’t want to divulge this in front of Wheeler, but… Uh, Steve and I got mouth-to-mouth again.”
“You had to perform CPR on him? I had no idea you knew—”
“There’s other reasons that lips meet.” Eddie puckers his lips and crosses his eyes, totally silly. 
Dustin stares at him, his mouth hanging open. “Oh!”
“Yeah. Theeeeen… he basically passed out.”
“Whut?”
“Look, don’t ask me to explain it! I mean, I like him. I really like him. Equally implausible, I think he likes me, but…” Aargh! His feelings for Steve are more tortuous than pleasurable right now. What’s more, the distance between them makes armouring his heart a teeny-weeny bit easier. 
“But?” Dustin bobs up and down on his butt.
“If I’m making him sicker, I should make myself scarce. I still wonder if I’m the bad apple here. Flayed… or whatever. It would neatly continue the sordid tale that is my life. Plus, if Hopper’s back, I bet he can get Steve off the hook for aiding and abetting, or whatever. Steve can go home, get the help he needs.”
“Hopper’s got his own problems, dude.” Dustin scratches his head beneath his baseball cap, kinda nervy. “There’s this army colonel in town, O’Sullivan, who’s pretty much Vecna levels of evil. He knows about Brenner and Hawkins Lab, and… Long story, cut short. He’s out to kill Eleven.”
“You gotta be shitting me!”
“That was my line when I found out. Hopper and El are hiding out, waiting for a safe opportunity to get outta Dodge. The band of the banished gets bigger every day.”
“Well, this exile should return to being a solo act. Steve and I absolutely would not work in the real world.”
“Huh?” Dustin wrinkles his nose. “You’re different—that’s what makes it fun. Even Suzie and I don’t like all the same music, for example. She’s got a real downer on Debbie Gibson.”
“Then maybe I should date Suzie,” mumbles Eddie, avoiding Dustin’s scrutiny. “In reality, Steve and I are from different planets. I’ve seen his house—his folks are loaded.”
“You can’t hold Steve’s parents against him. They’re literally never there for him. His Dad travels tons, and they stopped taking him with him when he was, like, eleven, because…” Dustin’s jaw drops again.
“Because what?” prompts Eddie. 
“Steve stopped travelling with his parents because he started getting sick every time.”
“So, he got travel sick. So do tons of kids. So what?”
“I honestly don’t know! But it supports your theories concerning his proximity to the lake. Sort of.” Dustin whacks his cap against the rock. “Jesus-mother-effing-son-of-a-bitch! I am literally dying to return to a world where I can trust the laws of science.”
Steve POV
1979
Getting himself up in the morning, getting himself to the school bus-stop alone—that only sucked.
It was the emptiness of the night that freaked him out.
Steve stayed up too late, of course he did. He was nearly twelve years old, with nobody to tell him what to do. He ate sweets and watched grown-up television, which got boring pretty fast. When he finally plucked up the courage to go to bed, he’d huddle under the covers, muffling his ears. It never drowned out that horrible, screaming quiet.
Who knew silence could be so loud?
He missed his mom, and it hurt, too. Knowing she chose to leave him behind. 
He’d hated travelling, because in the last year, he’d always got ill. Like, not just travel sick, but fevers and chills and headaches and stomach cramps, always “ruining” his father’s trips. 
Inevitably, his dad decreed that he must stay behind, and the first couple of times, his mom stayed home with him. Then she’d told him his father needed her more. What did that even mean? Steve really, really needed her, simply to be there. Somewhere in the house.
She wasn’t. 
The hours would stretch on, while he was too scared to close his eyes, until…
The monsters barged out of the closet, rioting through his nightmares. Then THEY arrived, with their smooth, smiling face and whirlpool eyes. That wordlessly singing voice, trickling through the waters, reassuring him everything would be all right…
In the morning, shuffling to the bus-stop, he remembered them. Clearer than the monsters, even. Oh man, he could be so childish and unhip sometimes.
“Steve? Steve! Please wake up! You’ve been asleep for hours.”
A groan escapes him, and then: “Momma?” Somehow, he knows it’s not her. “Dad?”
He opens his eyes. 
Oh shit. 
No, that’s not where his life is now. He’s sure as hell not eleven-years-old! Robin looks faintly amused, and also like she wants to thump him: “Gonna give you a pass on that this once, Steve, then go bleach my brain.”
Part 9
...
tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far :)
(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 10 Part 11
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supernovafics · 1 year
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✧∘ଂ ࿐ ཾ 𝑳𝑬𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑯𝑹𝑬𝑬. ✭・.・✫・゜・。.
pairing: ex-bestfriend!steve x fem!reader
word count: 2.3k words
warnings: explicit language, mild underage drinking, so much angst 
series masterlist | last part — next part
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
❝ 𝒘𝒉𝒚'𝒅 𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉? 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊’𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆. ❞
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Dear Steve,
As much as I don’t want to, and as much I would have no problem talking about the mundane things we did during Freshman and Sophomore year of high school and recounting stories from that time, I guess we can just fast forward to Junior year because that’s when everything went to absolute shit. 
First, at the beginning of the school year, my parents told me that we would be moving to California in January because my dad got a new job there. 
Somehow I wasn’t immediately sad when they broke this news to me, even though they thought I would be because of how much I liked the life I had in Hawkins and how much I would hate having to start over. Instead, it was when I had to tell you that it all finally hit me and felt so fucking real. I remember immediately crying right after saying the words “I’m moving,” and I didn’t even get to tell you everything else, like when and where, until hours later. 
I could tell you were sad too but you didn’t tell me that right then because you knew it’d probably make me cry even harder (which it definitely would’ve). Instead, you told me everything would be fine and we’d talk all of the time and nothing would change too detrimentally. 
And I believed you. I believed we were strong enough to somehow make it out of that unscathed. 
And then there was the other part of me that deep, deep down was the tiniest bit glad that I was moving away because it would make it easier to get over you, and the romantic feelings that I never wanted in the first place would finally fade away. 
I’m just realizing that this is the first time I’m mentioning how I felt about you, and it feels slightly weird doing so. But, it was the catalyst to everything that happened before I left, so of course I had to mention it eventually and rip off that bandaid. 
Anyway, fast forward again to Christmastime aka the true moment everything went downhill. 
My parents were having our annual party on Christmas eve, which I had always hated because they would always make it super formal and it never felt anything like Christmas. 
For the past years, probably since the party became a thing, the night would always happen pretty much the same. You and your parents would come over, and during the party, we would detach ourselves from all of the adult stuff happening and have our gift exchange in my backyard sitting on the wooden playground set. It was always, always freezing out but we never cared. 
However, I assumed this year would be different because you were dating Nancy now, and she was the first girl that you dated that I actually fully approved of and liked. And not to sound vain or whatever else, but there was something about her personality that reminded me of myself, and maybe that’s why I liked her so much in comparison to everyone else you dated. 
Because of how solid you two were, I automatically thought that you and I wouldn’t be spending Christmas eve together. And when I mentioned that to you a few days before the party and attempted to give you your present early, because I wanted you to be able to have it for actual Christmas, you immediately gave the gift bag back to me. And then you said that, of course, we’d be spending Christmas eve together and nothing could change that, and that this one was especially important since it would be my last one in Hawkins. And you also assured me that even if it wasn’t the last one, you wouldn’t have broken the tradition anyway. 
Before then, I fully had my mind set on never telling you how I felt and instead just moving away and continuing to pretend like what I was feeling wasn’t real while somehow continuing to be just your best friend but from afar. Very solid idea, right? (don’t answer that)
But, it was after that brief conversation we had, that I decided that I needed to tell you the truth, and I further decided that I would do it on Christmas eve because just in case it went badly (which I was certain that it would, just not in the horrible way that it actually turned out to be), the next few weeks before I left could consist of us moving on from my confession and me making sure that it didn’t change us in any way. 
Which, in theory, sounded like it was a logical plan and it made complete sense. But, I forgot that emotions were a thing and that rejection fucking sucks and always hits harder than you expect. Especially rejection from someone that’s such an important person in your life. 
But, I think I’m skipping ahead too much.
I want to write everything that happened because I don’t think I’ve ever truly looked back on that night and actually processed it. Mainly because it was an insanely embarrassing moment for me, and also because I still feel so bad about it. 
So, Christmas eve rolled around, and we found ourselves outside almost immediately, with our gifts in hand and stupidly happy smiles on our faces because we’d also slipped a few glasses of champagne from the kitchen and drank it during the first hour of the party. 
The older we got, the smaller the playground seemed to get, so we were always sandwiched very close to each other; which neither of us ever really minded. But this time, probably solely due to the champagne, we found it funny how our legs, which were hanging on the slide, were tangled up as our respective gifts sat in our laps and our sides were firmly pressed against each other. 
I gave you your gift first and was still nervous about it even though I knew you’d like it because it was the denim jacket that you had been eyeing a few weeks earlier at our usual thrift store. I remember convincing you not to get it then so that I could go back and buy it for you the next day.
Your exact words when you pulled it out of the bag were: “I knew you actually did like it!” I laughed at that and watched as you immediately put it on over the white button-up that your parents forced you to wear to match the formalness of the party.  
And then you gave me my gift which was a tenth-anniversary edition VHS tape of The Great Gatsby that had extra behind-the-scenes stuff and interviews with the director and some of the actors (I know how much it probably pained you to buy that since you absolutely hated the movie). I became obsessed with the gift almost immediately and was already thinking about when I would watch it, and when I would force you to watch it with me. 
And then you told me to open up the case and inside of it right next to the movie was a locket. I definitely remember almost crying when I opened the necklace and saw the picture inside of it. 
It was from that summer when we first met and we convinced our moms to take us to the beach one random Wednesday. They got wine drunk pretty fast so we were free to do pretty much anything we wanted that entire day as they laid out on the beach. We found this photo booth on the boardwalk and took pictures, and they all came out kind of bad but we loved them anyway. The specific picture you put in the locket was one where your eyes were half-closed and I was mid-laugh and looked insane; that was probably my favorite one actually. 
That necklace was the best gift I’d ever gotten (and that’s still true now). I was smiling as you put it on me and then I pulled you in for a long hug. 
I remember your voice was soft as you told me that even though we have our “one Christmas gift rule,” the necklace was going to be my going away present but you didn’t wanna wait so you gave it to me that night. 
Every emotion was bubbling right then because it was hitting me with full force this time that that was going to be our last Christmas like that; sitting in the too small for us playground, freezing our asses off, exchanging gifts while our parents fake laughed with their friends inside. I had so much dread about moving right then, and I only hugged you tighter as I willed the tears not to come. 
And then there was the matter of me finally telling you how I felt, and I was so close to deciding against doing so because that moment was so good and I didn’t want to make shit awkward and ruin it. (that’s actually a very laughable statement now because of what actually did happen next)
We pulled out of the hug and I wiped at my face to push away any stray tears that managed to slip out and you gave me a sad but hopeful smile that silently said that everything would be okay. 
And I think that’s why
That was what made me
It was your smile  
And I think it was that smile that made me lean in and kiss you. (god that was insanely hard to write down)
The rest of that moment was a blur and I can’t even remember what your initial reaction to the kiss was, which I’m actually glad about because I know it probably would've made me feel even more embarrassed. But, I do know that “Oh my God” were the first words that left my mouth when I pulled away from you. And then I proceeded to say that at least five more times before moving on to saying “I’m sorry” at least ten times. 
Then I started rambling like an idiot, my face embarrassingly covering my hands the entire time as I told you that I had a crush on you and that I couldn’t not do this before I left; not necessarily the kiss part but the telling you that I liked you part. And I knew for certain that you didn’t like me back because you had Nancy and you loved her. But, for some reason, I still had to tell you how I felt because I didn’t want to hold on to that secret when I left. 
I actually have no idea how long I rambled for. It could’ve been thirty seconds or it could’ve been thirty minutes, but it felt like an eternity to me because you didn’t interrupt or say anything so that just made me continue to word vomit everywhere. 
When I finally did finish and I forced myself to look at you it was easy to decipher the shock and confusion written on your face. And then you gave me a sad smile that had no hopeful undertones this time and I had to look away. Because I knew what you were gonna say next and I couldn’t allow myself to hear it. It was going to be the response that I had fully expected you to say, but all of the mentally preparing that I did for that inevitable moment actually didn’t make me ready to hear it. 
“Don’t say it,” I had told you before proceeding to detangle my legs from yours. 
But, of course, my embarrassing moments for the night couldn’t end there because as I was rushing to get away from you, I tripped walking down the slide and face-planted into the grass and also hit my knee hard against the end of the slide, which left a pretty bad gash. I mentally cursed the long silk black dress that my mom got me to wear for the party because the fabric was way too fucking easy to get tripped up in. 
You came down the slide almost immediately to help me up, but I managed to quickly do it on my own although the pain in my knee was already killing me. But, something about the thought of looking at you again, and seeing the pity written across your face, killed me more. 
I rushed inside and I couldn’t care less about the potential stares I got from people as I went upstairs to my bathroom and locked the door behind me. Moments later I heard you knock and you asked if you could help me because my knee looked like it was bleeding a lot. It definitely was but I couldn’t allow myself to see you right then, so I said, “I’m fine. I can do it myself.” And then you softly said, “Please.” 
I remember almost letting you in, but I couldn’t because all I could see in my mind at that moment was you and your sad smile, so instead I said, “Really, it’s okay. Just go, please.” 
And then finally after debating it for a few moments, you left. 
The only words running over and over in my head right then were, “Holy shit, I ruined everything,” which in that moment felt completely true. Because I had kissed you even though you were in love with your girlfriend; that’s probably the epitome of friendship ruining. 
I knew there was no coming back from that, and I honestly couldn’t believe that I thought that things would be able to go back to normal between us after my confession, even if I hadn’t kissed you. But, kissing you just made it even more clear to me that we would never be able to be who we were. 
Now that I’m truly reflecting on it though, I think I was way too cynical.
Because if I had let you into the bathroom in that moment and let you help me clean up my knee, maybe we could’ve just talked about everything right then, and things could’ve actually turned out okay between us. Maybe not exactly the same as they were before, but close enough. 
But, instead, I pushed you away. 
Because I was scared. 
Sincerely,
Y/N
(p.s. just in case you’re wondering, i do still have the necklace. i don’t wear it because it doesn’t feel right doing so, but i keep it in one of my drawers with a bunch of other things that remind me of you that i can’t bear to get rid of either)
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
next part
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ahappydnp · 2 months
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hiii im a new-ish phannie and from what I've gathered dan's brother is kind of a taboo topic? can I ask why? I genuinely don't want to start any drama im just a little bit confused and curious
long post under the cut
no you're fine! basically when dan started getting really popular adrian was about 13/14 (people knew dan had a brother bc he had talked about him/posted pics with him online in the early days) but then fans found adrian's social media accounts and it all went downhill very fast
his tumblr was overrun with anons asking about dan, if dan was gay/phan was real. people would send him vile posts/death threats/ comparing him to dan, even sending him incest fics (keep in mind this was a 14 year old kid)
some younger fans latched onto him because he unfortunately did look like a carbon copy of dan but age appropriate for them. people posted his pics all over tumblr thirsting over him and trying to get him to notice them. (i won't post the pics here but they and a lot of the old posts are still all over google) but basically just...think about the 2013 phandom stereotype...and then imagine they found out there was a 15 year old who looked exactly like teenage dan who was accessible to them.
anyway adrian's responses were (understandably) pretty angry and he eventually deleted all his social media accounts and basically did not exist online until his 20s. dan addressed it a little bit ("fuck off and don't be a stalker") but basically for years after adrian was just something you Did Not Mention ever (which probably was for the best tbh)
dan mentioned him again a couple times in 2018 for the first time in years but no one really dared speak his name again until he started making youtube videos a few years ago. anyway now he's a vegan lifestyle influencer
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