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sporadicthingcollection · 2 months

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The Unskinny Bop (Buggy the Clown x F!Reader)

Summary: You're a really good cook and that's most of the problem. The rest of it is that he's too weak-willed to resist a treat right in front of him. Pairing: Buggy the Clown x F!Reader Rating: 🌶 Explicit 🌶 Word Count: ~6.1k Warnings: Body insecurity (male and female), cunnilingus, masturbation, PiV sex A/N: Dad Bod Buggy my beloved

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She's playing all night And the music's all right Mama's got a squeeze box And Daddy never sleeps at night

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It's his own damn fault, really.

He's the one who charmed the pretty diner cook — that’d be you — into joining his crew. It was an easy sell. You get off of the little podunk island you’re stuck on and he gets those delicious little puffy pastry things every morning.

What he didn’t expect was how well you made everything else. He's had to let his pants out three times in two months because of it.

Fluffy pancakes, perfectly slung hash, and a pie-looking thing with eggs and vegetables and cheese you called a “keesh” for breakfast. Sandwiches stuffed with veggies and meat, piles of pasta tossed in rich sauce, and thick slabs of juicy steak for dinner. Not to mention the mountains of snacks and treats in between.

He came to realize that food is a key aspect of your personality. It's just what you do. A dog chases its tail, Richie pushes things off of tables, and you flit around the deck like a pastry pixie, abducting people into the galley for taste-testing.

Like right now.

His only warning that you're coming is a chirped “Captain!” before he's yanked through the door. He doesn't even have time to react before you've shoved a spoonful of something into his mouth.

He's not surprised. You do it to everyone who walks in. Food is how you show affection.

“Whaddya think?” you ask.

He swallows it too quickly to make a judgment, but it's sweet and that's all he needs to know. “Tasty.”

Every time you smile, he swears a flashbulb goes off somewhere. “Good,” you say. “It'll be even better tomorrow.”

He doesn't even bother to hide the whine. “What?”

“They're icebox pies, silly goose,” you say. “You gotta let ‘em chill.”

Another thing about you is that you're a tease. Form-fitting blouses done up just a button too short and your hair pulled back to show off your soft shoulders. A sweet little wink and a touch of the shoulder as you place a plate in front of him. And now feeding him something delicious only to tell him he has to wait until tomorrow to have more.

Your fingers snapping in front of his face jolt him back to the present. “Huh?”

“I asked if you wanted to lick the spoon,” you say.

Does he wanna lick the spoon? What kind of question is that? He plucks it from your hands. “Is the sky blue? Do bears shit in the woods? Am I the captain?”

You roll your eyes, but you smile. “Gonna stick these in the big cooler and I'll be right back for the other,” you say.

Carefully, you pick up two of the three foil-covered pie tins resting on the counter and turn on your heel.

He watches you closely as you round the corner and out of sight. Such a nice soft ass you've got. He desperately wants to grab it, but the one time you got goosed, you slugged the guy so hard he was out cold for the rest of the day.

Something pink, creamy, and flecked with seeds coats the wooden spoon. He drags his tongue along the back of it and--

Oh. Oh, that is good.

His taste buds scream in ecstasy. The slightest little moan escapes his lips. For the briefest of moments, he thinks it's better than sex and his cock twitches, but he regains his sense of self before going completely mad.

He licks and licks and licks until every little drop of pink, sweet, creamy filling is gone.

Frustration bubbles in his chest. Waiting all night for this is gonna suck. Especially since you probably won't be whipping it out for breakfast.

He is captain, though. He could order you to give it to him. But you'd almost certainly laugh in his face and he really, really doesn't want that.

The shimmer of foil catches his eye. The third pie sits on the counter. Untouched. Uneaten. Mocking him in its creamy deliciousness.

He looks around. You're nowhere to be seen.

...maybe just a little bit.

He scrapes barely half a spoonful from the top. Not enough to be noticeable, just enough to satisfy his sweet tooth.

Mmm. Smooth. Thick. Sweet. Fruity. Delicious.

...a little bit more can't hurt. Then he can wait until tomorrow.

He gets a piece of the fruit itself this time and the squirt of juice on his tongue is enough to make him spoon up another dollop. And then another. And then another.

This is why your pants are so tight, his inner monologue chides. This is why you need a new belt. This is why you wear that thing around your waist. Goddamn hedonist.

They're not that tight, he retorts. And they wouldn't be at all if you weren't such a damn good cook. It's all your fault for putting delicious food in front of him and looking so pretty while doing it.

He turns to lean against the counter, only to stop dead.

You're standing there, eyes wide and brows raised. You point at him, then at the pie tin, then back at him. “Are you... Eating the...?”

“No,” he says quickly. He realizes he's holding the pie tin. “No.”

Something odd glints in your eyes as you approach him. Gingerly, you take the pie and the spoon from his hands. He lets you. You step even closer.

You're so close to him, close enough for him to feel the rise and fall of your breasts. Hell, you're so short compared to him that he can see straight down your shirt.

His heart races. What are you going to do? Throw it out? Throw him out? Punch his lights out? Never speak of this again?

To his amazement, you do none of those things. Instead, you spoon up a bit more of the pie filling and raise it to his lips. You blink up at him with big doe eyes.

He looks between you and the spoon a few times. This can't be right. You should be furious. He opens his mouth to say something, but it's forgotten as you shove the spoon in his mouth.

Why are strawberries so delicious? Why is he so weak? Why are your breasts so warm and squishy against him?

He swallows it and, as he opens his mouth to breath, you shove another spoonful in. It's just as good the twentieth time.

You offer him another. And another. And another. He accepts them all.

Until he goes to take another and you pull it away. He frowns at you. You pull it back farther and farther. He grabs your wrist and pulls your hand closer. You resist, but he's spent every day of his life trimming sails and hauling cargo.

He gets the spoon into his mouth and claims his prize with a smirk.

That glint in your eyes turns into a blaze. You drop the pie tin and spoon and they hit the floor with a clatter. Pulling your wrist from his grip, you grab him by the cheeks and yank him into a kiss.

He yelps against your lips and you take the opportunity to shove your tongue between them. Licking, lapping, pressing your soft, warm body right up against his.

Only a eunuch could resist this.

He kisses you back with the same fervor, grabbing your ass to lift you up a bit and it's so soft and pliant and perfect that he can't help but dig his fingers in.

Oh, it's everything he dreamed it would be. Your warm lips moving against his, your slick tongue dancing in his mouth, your soft palms gripping his jaw.

You've lapped up all the lingering sweetness in his mouth by the time he runs out of breath. He pushes you away and you whimper, your eyes wide and your shoulders heaving up and down.

Deprived of oxygen, he says something completely, absolutely, utterly brain dead. “Can I touch your tits?”

Instead of slapping him, you nod so hard your updo shakes loose. Curly strands fall in your face.

He blinks. “Wait, really?” You nod harder. “You sure?”

Something in you snaps. He can see it in your eyes. You grab him by the hand and damn near drag him out the door.

A quick trip up the stairs and across the main deck and he's pushing open the door to his quarters. You bustle past him and, once the click of the lock sounds, you grab him by the collar and yank him into another kiss, just as wet and desperate as the last.

He barely has enough time to shuck his coat about you throw him onto the bed, clambering atop him. You're a bit heavier than he expects. Not that he says that to your face, but you’re so light on your feet that he was starting to think you were filled with cotton candy. You're certainly sweet enough.

You yank his hat from his head and toss it aside. His bandana follows and his hair falls around his shoulders.

You suck in a breath. “So pretty.”

He shrugs. “Thanks-- mmph.”

He’s silenced by you standing on your knees to pull his hair out of its pigtails. This requires you to stick your tits in his face and oh my god they're like big marshmallows you smell like cinnamon.

He can't help himself. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you in closer, breathing deeply. So warm, so soft.

You giggle and the vibration makes his face tingle. You pull away to fiddle with your blouse buttons. “Wanna know a secret?” you whisper.

“Is the secret boobs?” Wow, what the hell was that? He needs to stop talking.

Lucky for him, you grin. You open your blouse and a whole lot more than he was expecting spills out. You toss the blouse to the side and plant your hands on your hips. “Va-va-voom.”

He's speechless. Shaken. Struck utterly dumb by the sight before him. All he can do is pull off his gloves and take them in his hands, pushing them, weighing them, squeezing them. There’s just… so much. Round, squishy, bouncy, threatening to surge right out of your lacy bra.

“I am but one man,” he mumbles.

That makes you giggle and that makes them jiggle. Like two sacks of...like a pair of...

...he can't think of a metaphor that isn't unpleasant, so he just sticks his face in there again before something else stupid comes out of his mouth. You laugh even more and it vibrates against his cheeks and his -- that... -- and if God struck him down at this very second he would die a happy man.

You let him linger a moment before throwing your weight forward to push him onto the bed. He whimpers like a kicked puppy as you pull away.

You nibble your lip and knit your brow up as you fumble with his belt. “I showed you mine, now you show me yours.”

He's flattered, but it's the only thing keeping his stomach in check. That can't come off yet.

He takes your hands in his own. “What's the rush, beautiful?” he says. He brings them to his lips, first one, then the other. He gently kisses your knuckles, your palms, your wrists. “This is your show. We got all night.”

You're cute when you huff. You're even cuter when your face screws up into a pout. You yank your hands away and plant them on your soft hips. “Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for this?” you whine.

That throws him for a loop and a half. You've wanted him too? Someone as clever and cute and talented as you wanted... him? He's not used to that. Not used to that at all.

He's stunned just long enough for you to get his belt open. You move on to his vest straps next, making quick work of those. He sucks his stomach in just as you pull it open.

Your eyes widen, and you break into a grin as they sweep up and down his torso. “Oh, hell-o,” you say, voice breathless.

He's bright red, he just knows it. “Hi,” he replies dumbly. He hopes the strain in his voice isn't too obvious.

You grin even wider. Your fingers ghost up his sides -- thank God it's his feet that are ticklish -- right up to his pecs. You give them a squeeze, not unlike how he palmed your breasts a few moments ago. The slightest of squeaks escapes him.

“I knew you were hiding something good,” you say. You give his nipples a tweak -- he squeaks louder -- and trail your fingers down to his waistband. “Let's see what else you've been keeping from me.”

He knows you're talking about his dick. He panics all the same.

He shoots a hand out to kill the light -- that should buy him some time -- and throws his weight into flipping you over. You squeal as he pins you to the bed and yanks your pants off.

And then he realizes. Your breasts? They're proportional.

Beneath him is the most lovely expanse of body he's ever seen. Soft and warm and squishy and made of convex curves that flow from gentle arms and smooth shoulders right into a pair of plump hips and shapely thighs.

He can't form words. He can't form thoughts. All he can do is stare with his mouth dropped open. What else can you do when you're in the presence of the divine?

And then he sees your face. Your eyes wide and unsure as they dart around the room. Your lips pressed together into a terse line.

“What?” he asks.

The line scrunches to the side. “I'm bigger than I ought to be, I know,” you say. You sound as if you've said it a thousand times.

He gets mad. He can't help it. It's what he does. “Are you shitting me?”

You flinch a little, though more out of surprise than fear. “N-No, I don't--”

He wants to say so many things. About how this is perfection. About how you are the most gorgeous human being he's ever laid eyes on. About how this is everything he's ever wanted in life. How you're everything and you shouldn't be so damn sheepish.

But he can't get it out. All that comes out is a raspy, rude, “Shut the fuck up.”

You stare at him in shock. And not the fun shock. It's the kind where you're not sure if you've stepped on eggshells or not.

Fuck it. No time for words. He grabs your thighs and pulls you forward, yanking your panties off and sweet holy shit you don't shave down there how could you possibly be any more perfect?

His mouth waters. His cock throbs. He dives in. He drags his tongue up your inner thighs, soft and smooth and sweet as that pie.

“Captain--!” A nip to the tender flesh turns the exclamation into a squeak.

“I said shut up,” he says between kisses.

Finally, you stop talking. You only pant and moan as he shoves his face into your pussy, lapping at your already sopping cunt. Did he do this? Are you this wet because of him?

He can't help it. He stuffs his hand down the front of his pants to fondle himself. Like the desperate bastard he is, his cock’s hard and leaking already.

He grinds against his palm as he gorges himself on you. Licking, sucking, swirling, punctuating with a few nips for good measure. It's all harmonized by the most beautiful sounds he's ever heard flowing from your lips, high-pitched and whiny.

He's not sure how long has passed when you grab his head and push him away. Time flows strangely between your thighs.

You've got a crazed look in your eyes again. “I want you inside me.”

He wants to say something clever, something cool and on brand for him, like it's not time for the finale yet or but my leading lady isn't satisfied.

But that would delay being inside you and he's too addled to think of anything. He jumps to his feet and wriggles out of his trousers and shorts. If he were more aware of himself, he'd be humiliated by just how much he has to shimmy and dance around to get them off his hips, but there's not enough blood in his brain to be self-conscious.

He kicks them away in whatever direction. Something crashes to the floor and he doesn't care. He looks back to your beautiful face--

You're wide-eyed as you look at him. He follows your gaze, right down to his--

In all the excitement, he's not sucking it in anymore.

Now it's his turn to be sheepish. He sucks it in again. But he can't hold it. Too much blood in his cock. He tries again with the same result.

Unfortunately for him, it's drawn your attention even more. Off comes your bra, and you don't take your eyes off his stomach the whole time.

Now he really can't think anymore. They're just so pretty and perfect. You're so pretty and perfect. He doesn't deserve this. This is a hell of a mismatch if ever there was one. You, divinity in the flesh. Him, a fat, dirty old clown.

This is a joke. It has to be. Someone put you up to this and now you're gonna back out and he's gonna let you because you deserve better so he better just rip the bandage off now and--

“Out,” he spits. “Get out.”

You blink at him in shock, then your face hardens. You speak with the firmness of a queen who's sick of her courtiers’ bullshit. “Get over here and get on top of me.”

You're mocking him. You gotta be. There’s no other explanation. “I said--”

You look him in the eyes. Something dangerous glitters there. “Buggy, get the fuck on top of me.”

It comes out at a hoarse yell. “Stop mocking me!”

You spring upwards and, with that wild strength that surprises him every time, you throw him on the bed. It squeaks as he bounces -- actually, that might have come from him.

You've got a look on your face he can only describe as murderous. “I did not wait two months for you to chicken out,” you say. You clamber onto him. “I did not wait two fucking months for you to finally man up and say something only for you to get self-conscious!”

Fear, anger, and arousal battle for control of his body. Arousal wins. You are hot as a griddle when you're mad.

You sit yourself on his belly, just above his cock. It twitches against your ass and he's sure it's made of clouds and he groans.

“Look at me,” you say.

He doesn't. He can't. He doesn't want to see the scorn that's surely in your eyes.

You learn forward and grab his chin, squeezing his cheeks and forcing him to look. Even in the dim light, he can see the sheen of sweat on your face and the rise and fall of your chest as you pant.

“If you want me to leave, I will,” you say, “but you will never get this chance again.”

No. No no no no. He wants you. He wants you so bad. He's never had perfection this close and it's never wanted him as much as you seem to.

“Do you want me to leave?” you ask firmly.

He shakes his head so hard it hurts.

You don't grin. You simply release his chin and lift yourself up. You lower yourself on his cock and, as he watches it disappear, inch by slick inch into your hot, wet pussy, the battle is over.

He doesn't care if this is a trick anymore. He's going to get his.

He grabs your thighs and pulls you down onto him, fingers sinking into the smooth flesh. You gasp as he bottoms out, gripping the swell of his hips. He doesn't care. They're called love handles for a reason.

And then you start to bounce.

It starts in your legs. Pumping your thighs to lift yourself up and drop down onto his cock. The jolt ripples through your whole body, from your thighs to your belly to your breasts.

He's transfixed. So transfixed that he doesn't even notice you grabbing his pecs, squishing and squashing them between your gentle fingers. You tweak his nipples and he damn near howls.

He can't let you have all the fun. He pops his hand off to swirl his fingers around your clit.

But you don't cry out or moan. You start babbling. Something about eating and how hot he is and how much you love that he loves your cooking and it's all interspersed with pleasant-sounding gibberish. But he doesn't hear a word of it. You're too warm and slick and it goes in one ear and it the other.

But the sounds. God, the sounds of him sliding in and out of you. Wet and disgusting and it makes his mouth water and his cock leak and that just makes it wetter--

The slap of skin on skin and wet on wet and his moans and your chattering all mingle into a delicious symphony.

But it stops all too soon. Your breath hitches and you bend at the waist, singing his name like a songbird, the same little melody over and over. “Buggy, Buggy, Buggy...!”

His name dissolves into little yips and gasps as your cunt flutters around his cock. It's so good. Better than treasure. Better than adrenaline. Better than a full belly after a hard day's work--

He realizes he's not wearing a condom. Fuck. “Where ya want it?” he grunts.

You don't hesitate. “In me,” you say between gasps.

In you? Inside you? Spilling his hot, wet cum into your hot, wet cunt? Your cunt? Soaking it? Seeding it? Making it even messier and sloppier and filling you up so much that--

He almost pops right then and there, but he bites his lip. “Nuh-uh. Where?”

“In me!” you spit.

He whines the most unmanly of whines. He will. He won't. He wants to. He can't. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Captain,” you whimper, “Buggy, please...”

He looks up at you. Your hands on his chest, your breasts heaving with each breath, your little belly rising and falling, your luscious thighs on either side of his hips, your lips dropped open as you pant, your bush surrounding his fingers--

God damn it.

He throws you to the side as he pops like a champagne cork. A few drops end up on you, but most of it splatters onto the underside of his belly, where it's started obeying gravity.

One hand grips the sheets and the other grips something warm and his hips buck and his head swims and his mouth makes utterly pathetic noises. Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.

He crashes back to earth like a meteor strike. All he can see is white as he flops back onto the mattress, gasping for breath.

He has no idea how long it takes for him to recover. But something soft tickles the knuckles of his detached hand. A shudder racks him as he turns his head towards you.

Post-orgasm haze still clouds your eyes, but they're big and round as a doe’s as you cradle his hand close to his face. You press your lips to his knuckles.

He gives a weak smile. “Hi.”

You giggle. God, he loves that giggle. He wishes he could hear it every day. He'd put it in a sea shell if he could, carry it around in his pocket and press it to his ear whenever he feels lonely. Or spin it into cotton candy. It's certainly light and sweet enough. Or whip it up onto a foam and fold it into batter like he watched you do that one time for cake...

His stomach growls. He needs to stop thinking about food.

You kiss his knuckles again, still smiling so very sweetly. “Are you alright?”

“Fuckin’ amazing,” he mumbles. It's the truth.

Detaching his other hand, he feels around on the floor. There's a towel here somewhere... Unless he threw it on the chair... Or over the folding screen...

He finds it slung over the door of his wardrobe. He offers it to you, but you shake your head. “After you.”

Suit yourself. He mops his belly up as you watch. Shit, this was a big one.

Satisfied, he tosses the towel away. He rolls over to take you in his arms, but he finds nothing. You're standing up, pulling his coat on and closing it around your front.

“Get over here,” he says. “That's an order.”

“I gotta clean up,” you say.

He panics. He can't help it. His voice quivers like a child's. “Don’t leave. Please.”

You give him a kind look that almost makes him cry. “I’ll be right back,” you coo. “I promise.”

He doesn't want to be alone. Not now. Tears prick at his eyes and his lip quivers. But you're out the door before he can stop you.

You're not coming back. He knows it. He disappointed you. How could he not? You're beautiful. You're divine. You're perfect.

And what is he? A fat old clown.

He lays there, shivering in the cold air, too afraid to move. Too aware of his shortcomings. Too aware of every flaw, every defect, every deficiency. His temper. His teeth. His nose. His appetite. His everything.

The door opens. The moonlight frames your silhouette for a moment before you close the door behind you.

He nearly sobs with relief. You don't notice, thankfully, as you shuck his coat.

He launches his arms at you as he sits upright, pulling you into an embrace as he falls back down. He lays you to the side, slipping under your arm and tucking his head in the crook between your chin and chest.

You thread your fingers through his hair. “Don't tell me you thought I wasn't coming back.”

He murmurs something he forgets as soon as it leaves his lips. You're so soft. So warm. So comfortable. And he's so exhausted.

You giggle. You kiss his forehead and slide your fingers through his hair. “Bonwee, sha.”

He has no idea what that means, but you say it with such warmth that it must be something good. He snuggles up close to you.

Rocked by the sea and calmed by your heartbeat, he drifts off.

---

He sleeps well, but he stirs a few times.

The first is when you shift out from under him, mumbling something in a language he can't place. You roll onto your side, your back to him. He doesn't like that at all and pulls you in to be the little spoon. You squeak. It's cute. He doesn't care that his belly presses against your back.

He stirs again when his arm falls asleep and he rolls onto his side. You follow him this time. You press yourself right up against his back, breasts and belly and thighs squishing against him. You're so warm.

The final time is as the gray light of dawn slips through the windows. He's shaken from a dream and he grumbles.

“I gotta go get started on breakfast,” you whisper. “Just wanted to let you know I wasn't lovin’ and leavin’.”

That's so sweet of you. “You're so sweet,” he mumbles sweetly.

You giggle. “See you in a few hours.”

You kiss the tip of his nose and he's not even upset.

===

You had a lovely night, but you're walking a bit funny and it's making your usual bustling around the galley just difficult enough to be annoying. And the visions of your stark naked captain filling your head are making it even harder.

You're a very simple woman, like your mother before you. You like men. You like food. You like men who like food. You especially like men who like your food.

Captain Buggy's a man. Captain Buggy likes food. And he loves your food, if his constant hovering in the galley is anything to go on. And he loves it a lot and it's showing.

The memory of him lying beneath you, his warm hips against your thighs, his belly wobbling as you bounce atop him, his head thrown back in bliss, surprises you just as you're tossing a flapjack. It slams into the ceiling and stays there.

Your fellow cook, a swarthy fellow going by Bloomer, casts the new ceiling decor an odd look. He turns it on you. “You alright, girl?”

You know what? Screw this. Everyone else can handle breakfast. “I'm gonna go wake up the captain,” you say. “How's he like his coffee?”

Milk and two cubes of sugar, he tells you. You put in cream and three cubes. Man's gotta get his strength back from last night, you tell yourself as you set off across the deck.

You knock three times on the door. No answer. You knock harder. Still nothing. You take that as a sign he may be dead and enter just in case.

Captain Buggy is, in fact, quite alive, if not also naked. He's in front of the mirror... or his face is, anyways. His body is turned completely around as he examines the reflection of his rear. He grabs a handful, thick fingers sinking into the squish. He gives it a jiggle and it wobbles.

You don't blame him. It's a great ass. Perfect for grabbing and digging your nails into. Next time, you're making him get on top so you can do just that.

But you prefer his front. That's where all the good shit is. Soft, muscular pecs, perfect for grabbing and groping, covered in a dusting of hair that trails down to his soft belly.

His hands go there next, pinching his sides. He gives them a shake and his belly bounces.

That little zing shoots up your gut and into your throat, that one you always get around men like him. That same one as when you first saw him from across the diner, draining a pitcher of beer. The same one you had last night when you walked in on him eating pie filling. And now, watching him preening after a wild romp.

...or you thought he was preening. He turns his body around and as his hands go to his face -- he's got a stronger jawline than you'd expected when he's barefaced -- you notice his laugh lines deepen. He lets out a grunt of disgust as his lips curl.

You frown. He's saying ugh as if you couldn't keep your hands off of him last night. Coaxing him in closer with pie filling just so you could feel his body molding against yours. Grabbing his cheeks and yanking him in for a kiss you'd been craving for months. Dragging him to his cabin and fucking yourself on him while you dug your nails into whatever soft flesh you could grab.

You close the door with a firm check of the hips. The slam startles him, but he calms as he sees you. Somewhat. There's still an uneasy look in his eye.

“G’morning,” he says. A little blush blooms across his cheeks. He avoids eye contact.

He'd be cute if he wasn't pathetic. You set the coffee down on the nearest surface and wrap your arms around his waist, resting your hands on the swell just above his hips and resting your cheek between his shoulder blades.

“Thank you for finally taking the hint,” you say into his skin.

He chuckles, a low, vibrating thrum. “I never miss a cue, baby.”

Lies. You've been trying everything. Flirting. Making his favorite food. You even went braless one day on a supply run with him and he didn't even blink. Idiot.

“Then why'd it take you so damn long?”

He scoffs. “Had to make sure I wasn't seeing things,” he mumbles.

He's so pathetic. Like a wet cat. You can't help but squeeze his sides--

He jumps away from you like you gave him an electric shock. “Stop it!” he spits.

You blink. “Stop what?”

“Stop-- Stop mocking me!”

You blink a few more times. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

The flush deepens along with his scowl. “Quit touching me like that.”

Not what he was saying last night. “Like what?”

“Stop grabbing my--” He huffs. “I know I’m fat. Quit rubbing it in.”

Pardon? Did you hear that correctly? Does he know who he's talking to? You try to keep your tone even, but you were never good at that. “Permission to speak freely, Captain?”

He blanches. “...No.”

Too bad. You grab him by the waist and throw him onto the bed. He yelps as he bounces, then once again as you straddle his waist.

“Buggy. Darling. Cher,” you say. “Do you really think I would have fucked you if I didn't think you were hot shit?”

He simmers like a boiling pot with the lid still on. “Maybe!”

Pour l’amour de Dieu, c’est un contraieuse et un tête de cabri et pourquoi ce clown so fucking stupid?

You scoot backwards, kissing your way down his chest. Each one gets a tiny grunt from him until you get to his belly. He growls and tries to roll away, but you hold fast. You gently kiss just above his navel, then the tuft of blue hair right below it.

You peer up at him. He peers back, brow knit up, questioning you.

You press your face into his navel and blow a raspberry against his skin.

Buggy squeal-laughs. You've never heard him make that noise before and it's very cute. You do it again and he devolves into laughter.

“Sto-o-op!” he cackles.

You do not. You do it again and again until he's wheezing and not scowling any more. You stare up at him, fingering the tuft of hair below his navel.

He comes down slowly, cackles turning to giggles to breathless gasps. He finally sees you staring. “What?”

“Feeling better?” you ask. He huffs, but he does nod. “Good. Now stop being mean to my favorite captain.”

He frowns a bit at that. “Who’s that? Alvida? When'd she come up?” You keep staring at him. He blinks. “Wait, you mean--?”

Gros couillion. “No, the other guy I fucked last night,” you say. He bristles. Fuck’s sake. “Yes, you!”

He blinks again. The flush returns. “You mean that?”

“I wouldn't be on top of your naked-ass body if I didn't.” You place lean in close, the tip of your nose bumping his. “And you have a very nice body, Captain.”

Just for emphasis, you grab his side, right at the fleshiest part, and give a hard squeeze. He jumps, but nods.

He tries to dive in for a kiss, but you pull away. If you do that, you'll be here all morning. You stand up, offering him your hands. “C’mon, breakfast is ready,” you say.

“I'm not hungry.” His stomach growls. He glares at it. “Shut up.”

Trump card time. “Guess I'll just have to feed all those beignets to Richie, then.”

His eyes go wide. “...you made bin-yays?”

He still can't pronounce it right, but he's getting there. “Sure did,” you say coolly. You examine your nails. “Won't be good for much longer.”

His stomach growls again. “And that pie?”

“Should be good to go, but you better be quick. They'll go fast.”

He jumps to his feet and licks his lips. “Well, keep some for me! Lemme-- Lemme get dressed and I'll be right down.”

“Don't take too long,” you say.

You turn to leave, but he grabs your hand. With a yank and a twirl, he pulls you flush against him and into a kiss.

You melt right into it. Rough lips move against yours, his warm body molds against you, strong arms holding you tight, belly pressing against yours... his nose squishing into your cheek. Wonderful, all of it.

You separate with a pop. He grins at you and wipes his wrist along his lips. “Didn’t think I was gonna let you leave without that?”

You blush. Now he decides to be slick. “Just get dressed.”

You twirl him around and, with a flat hand, you swat his ass. Just to see it quiver. The slap echoes in the small room and he jumps, but you can't stick around to see the look on his face.

You've got work to do.

---

Special thanks to my bf, Meg, and Ollie for beta-ing!

To the Mastahpost | To the Tip Jar

#buggy the clown #buggy x reader #buggy x you #buggy the clown x reader #one piece x reader #one piece #one piece live action #fan fiction #one piece fanfiction #reader insert #x reader #emberly writes #dad bod buggy

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jade-parcels · 1 year

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🌱🌱🌱Silly little Haitham bf hcs to celebrate his banner 🌱🌱🌱

🌱Haitham is a relatively good cook but he doesn’t venture into cook books for new recipes. If it was up to him, you’d eat the same 4 meals over and over. He enjoys rice, meat and veggies so every dish he makes will include those things. When you make something new for him, he’s always appreciative and willing to try it and even if he isn’t a big fan, he’ll eat it to make you happy. Food is food to him, it doesn’t have to be his favorite in order for him to eat it.

🌱Al Haitham’s the type of guy to take a ‘little sip’ of your drink when you tell him to try it except he’s a Big Man and he takes a HUGE mouthful… then hands back the almost empty glass with a “yeah, that’s pretty good. I might get some for myself”…. This bitch… get your own >:(

🌱Haitham would fold your laundry for you and put it away if he noticed that you were overwhelmed by it all. However, the downside is he reorganizes as he goes, putting things in places that ‘make logical sense’. Now your shirts are in color order and socks are separated by length

🌱He’s secretly a cuddle bug ;-; he wants you to be close to him whenever possible. He isn’t a fan of pda but behind closed doors he wants you to sit close against his side, lay in his lap, rest your head on his chest, run your hand through his hair, kiss his cheek… Poor guy is so smart- he’s so straight forward but that’s his own downfall cause when it comes to affection, he gets embarrassed to ask for it. He doesn’t know how to word it. “Hug me” is too demanding… “May I have a hug?” Sounds too childish… “I want a hug” sounds out of character to him. So he just hopes you catch onto what he wants. Sometimes actions speak louder than words

🌱When he’s out jogging or taking a walk after work (he’s gotta stretch his legs after sitting doing paperwork) he’ll slow down when passing by fruit stalls. He makes a point of buying your favorite fruits for you almost daily so you have a lil snack for after dinner or for breakfast the next morning. He’s a regular at these stalls now because of you :) <3

🌱Haitham’s favorite part of a party is leaving. He will happily take the blame when you get tired and want to leave. Like the true gentleman he is, he’ll use the excuse of ‘I have work in the morning. It’s time for us to get going’ so you two can go home. Are you going straight to bed? Maybe. Are you going home to cuddle and read together? Very likely

🌱While he prides himself in his self control, you’re Haitham’s weakness. He’s easy to rile up, easy to pull into an alleyway to kiss behind shops or between trees. He can’t really hide when he blushes cause he doesn’t just blush lightly, he turns beet red from his neck up to his ears so please don’t embarrass him at work but if you do he’ll return the favor later so… ;)

🌱Haitham prefers to be the big spoon when you guys sleep cause hugging something or someone is comforting for him. In his college years when he wasn’t getting laid, he went to sleep hugging his pillow… That’s what he did before he met you too. Now he has you in his arms, you’re secure and keep him feeling comfy n warm. Sweetie pie <3 if you ask why he likes to hold you that way you’ll get a long winded lecture about emotional security, couple co-sleeping and so on lmao

#genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact alhaitham #al haitham #alhaitham x reader #I love him dearly he’s such a sweetie

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theriverbeyond · 1 year

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Gideon the Ninth characters and their make your own pizza orders

Gideon: $40 uncooked pizza because she got all the toppings which means the inside is entirely soggy and uncooked. she eats it with a spoon and says it is "great"

Harrow: plain lightly buttered crust. Gideon sneaks some mushrooms on there and Harrow is Not Impressed. she also nibbles on Gideon's pizza bones

Palamades: an aesthetic array of meat and vegetables that could have come right out of a textbook.

Camilla: solid mix of meat and veggies, carefully arranged. identical to Palamades' in every way, she made his pizza

Coronabeth: doesn't make her own, she walks in with a gourmet pizza from the fancy restaurant 3 doors down and no one stops her

Ianthe: somehow she gets the pizza people to just throw a pile of meat on the grill. no crust, no vegetables.

Naberius: he doesn't get pizza but he does have to pay

Abigail: splits a pizza with Magnus. they get pineapple and a light amount of cheese

Magnus: splits a pinapple pizza with Abigail, but buys everyone a big serving of garlic knots to share

Issac: classic pepperoni but then he has them slather it in extra garlic and pesto

Jeannemary: she got the same order as Gideon but then Abigail made her scale it back so hers is actually cooked through and has structural integrity

Dulcie: aggressively lactose intolerant but she adds extra cheese anyway (life is about living)

Protesilauris: hands out lactaid to the entire table, gets 2 pizzas (one for him, one to take home to his wife)

Silas: doesn't eat pizza.

Column: too busy babysitting Silas

Judith: basic cheese pizza. She stares longingly at the other items before turning resolutely back to her very boring pie

Marta: CARNIVORE SUPREME she got every meat option. extra garlic

#gideon the ninth #the locked tomb #tlt thoughts #today i bring you: this. tomorrow? who knows....#gideon nav #trb.txt

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cosmerelists · 8 days

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Calculate your Vorin Gender!

What's your gender, according to Vorins on Roshar? Well, just answer 10 easy questions to find out! Just keep track of how many "A" answers and how many "B" answers you get, and then see results below!

I can't really explain why, but this post was inspired by @isdalinarhot and a post about Dalinar and flamin' hot cheetos (here).

1. What are you having for breakfast?

A. Pancakes with maple syrup B. Bacon and scrambled eggs with hot sauce

2. What are you having for a snack?

A. Peaches in syrup B. Flamin' Hot Cheetos

3. What are you having for lunch?

A. Teriyaki stir fry with honey balsamic roasted veggies B. Spicy ramen

4. What are you having for dinner?

A. Just an entire pie. Yum! B. Meat. Spicy meat.

5. Do you like to read?

A. Heck yeah! B. No I prefer to be out doing things!

6. Do you like to draw?

A. Heck yeah! B. No I prefer to be out doing things!

7. Which class would you prefer to play in D&D?

A. Wizard B. Paladin

8. Have you ever gotten into a fight?

A. Not a physical one, but I've definitely written some shade B. Heck yeah!

9. What was your best subject in school?

A. English or science or math B. Government or PE

10. Can I shake your hand?

A. No and you should be ashamed of yourself for asking B. Yes but I'm gonna squeeze way harder than you

THE RESULTS

Mostly "A" answers: You're a Vorin woman!

9-10 "A" answers: You are the most ladylike of Vorin women!

7-8 "A" answers: You're a woman who likes to push the boundaries of womanhood. Have you been talking to Jasnah?

6: "A" answers: Have you considered becoming an Ardent?

Mostly "B" answers: You're a Vorin man!

9-10 "B" answers: You are the most manly of Vorin men!

7-8 "B" answers: You're a man who likes to push the boundaries of manhood. Have you been talking to Dalinar?

6 "B" answers: Have you considered becoming an Ardent?

Equally Split Between "A" & "B": You're an Ardent!

Ha ha you're an Ardent right? "sweats nervously in Vorin"

#Vorin gender so silly #cosmere #cosmerelists #Stormlight Archive #Vorinism #I got 6 A's and 4 B's. Nearly an Ardent

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thedreadvampy · 1 year

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The thing is. Bad/gross food is rarely a DISH - when food is bad it's because it's been badly made, whether because of skills or available ingredients. but a dish p much only exists recognisably and has a name because someone likes at least one version of it.

which is to say. there isn't really a way of naming a dish, school of dishes or specific food culture and going EW ISN'T THIS DISH UNILATERALLY CONCEPTUALLY DISGUSTING without denigrating quite a lot of people.

like you don't have to like it in any form. but it's eaten and shared because it's good to a not insubstantial number of people when cooked right.

(and I don't really understand how you approach that with total incuriosity when it's a dish you haven't tried like. ARE rocky mountain oysters good? Maybe! I would very much eat some to find out!!!!)

this is actually something the British food poll did in a way the American ones I've seen haven't really - they described how the food they're imagining is, specifically, badly prepared (grey meat and veggies; unseasoned shepherd's pie). which is wildly tipping the scales by calling it British Food but. like. that is an on point definition of why that food is gross.

(this also applies to American chocolate, which like. Broad category but I think most of us understand this refers to low-cocoa high-sugar chocolate, probably with bucolic acid. so we are being invited to imagine Badly Made Chocolate not. the concept of chocolate)

personally I just think it's very rarely a good or funny idea to shittalk how gross any given food culture is. partly because food is important and culturally evocative for most people, partly because it's very...alienating? to be like WHO COULD EAT SUCH A THING? just because you wouldn't, and largely because to be frank it says more about you than about the food that you have so little imagination or curiosity that you can't imagine why a food might be enjoyable to folks who aren't you.

yes this includes jello salad, I would like to try it. ONCE. if it wasn't appealing to someone it wouldn't be so widespread.

#red said #like. as if talking shit about people for eating offal or offcuts particularly hasn't always been hugely loaded in race and class terms #ewww can you believe filipinos eat tripe. can you believe Chinese people eat pig feet?#YEAH I CAN AND YOU SHOULD TOO. Those are normal parts of an animal to eat and it's weird that you think it's weird #but it's also. a really common racist trope right? like. how often does racist rhetoric mention food being 'weird' or 'smelling bad'?#because shitting on someone's food and calling it gross is a really good shortcut to shitting on them and their cultures #implying they're dirty or animalistic or cruel or undiscerning or have bad taste #this isn't crying RACISM AGAINST WHITE PPL btw #just saying. maybe in general we should shut the fuck up about finding entire schools of cooking gross #and it's interesting you know. bc Americans in the notes of the American food posts recognise there are race and class sensitivities there #but not that there might be similar sensitivities around mocking another country's food

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homunculus-argument · 10 months

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Experimental pies in the oven! So, to explain what's going on here:

Because of reasons we have a stockpile of flour that's about to expire. Non-perishables technically don't go bad for as long as they're stored right, but there's a limit to how palatable they're going to be a few years after the use by -date. I haven't baked much bread since 2020, and didn't feel like picking that up again.

It's also harvest season, so we're receiving as much vegetable produce as we're willing to accept form my boyfriend's mother's garden, and it would be rude to decline more and wasteful to let it rot. So I'd have to figure out a way to also eat the vegetables.

Then it crossed my mind that hold on, I can make pies. Use up the flour stockpile, chop veggies in, and the only ingredients I'll need to buy fresh are the dairy products, eggs and some sort of meat. And then I remembered that I also have an unreasonably large hoard of close-to-expiry beef jerky because of reasons completely unrelated to the flour stockpile.

So currently I am testing whether I can use soaked beef jerky for the pie filling. If this batch doesn't work out, I'm going to keep experimenting on how to get it right, because if I figure out how to pull this off, y'all better believe I'm all set for meals for the next few months.

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hiwelcometothemonstersancturary · 1 month

Note

What are the characters favorite/least favorite food.

I'm sure they aren't picky after being starved for 10 years, but I'm sure that Angel said it was okay to dislike something

Oof, it's about time I answered this!

Poppy loves desserts, but brownies and cakes are her favorites. She detests dragon fruit – so pretty, and it tastes like that? Horrendous!

Huggy has a hard time eating salads in general thanks to his teeth and poor control over his movements. Loves gummy bears, though! They're SUPER squishy and nice to munch on.

Kissy doesn't like eating meat or anything crunchy, as it reminds her too much of what she had to eat at Playtime Co. She however loves soups since the day Angel first made one, which was two nights after the rescue!

Mommy Long Legs loves spicy food. She's tearing up and her mouth feels like burning but she WILL keep on eating whatever spicy food there is until it's all over. Also really likes pumpkins! But please don't let her even near beets. She thinks it tastes like dirt. Also doesn't like overly sweet things.

DogDay, unlike MLL, has a huge sweet tooth and can and WILL eat anything sweet he gets his hands on. He likes chocolate the most! Hates having to eat anything spicy, as well as fried foods because his hands always feel icky afterwards.

CatNap takes a long time before he finds any preferences, because to him food is food, but he does love sushi and fish in general. He avoids eating anything that isn't dry and he can hold in his hands at first because he can't move his hands very well, but after some months of training he stops avoiding. Has no food he refuses to eat or dislikes.

Picky Piggy goes vegan. She can't even smell meat for the first few months without risking a panic attack! Loves anything that has potatoes in it though, it's always a 10/10 to her.

Bubba loves curry. He doesn't know why, but it sure makes him happy! Hates beans in general, though, because he always eats them on groups of 4 and he has to make some mental math in order to see if he should add more or not.

Kickin likes pastel. Angel managed to make some and told him it's a brazilian food. Kickin fell in love and can't get enough of it. Also really likes sushi! Hates spicy food and plates that are just green. Spicy because of sensory overload, green because he likes more variety.

Craftycorn LOVES pie, it's the best food ever to her. Hates anything that takes too much work for her to chew or cut because it reminds her a bit of how things were back at the factory.

Bobby Bearhug loves bacon and eggs. And just eggs in general. Also salad. salad with eggs added is something she adores, girl can't get enough. Just please don't ask her to eat fish, she hates those!

Hoppy loves corn and burguers in general. She's stimming everytime she has the opportunity to do so. Hates soup though.

Miss Delight avoids meat in general, but doesn't refuse to eat it. She loves jelly though! She thinks it looks and tastes SO good, she's stimming every time she can eat one, much like how Hoppy is with her food.

Boxy Boo still likes meat, but is horrified at the things Picky makes that LOOK like meat but AREN'T. He feels like a fool, staring at her in disbelief while Hoppy is laughing her ass off.

Bunzo Bunny isn't allowed to be alone near corn or candy anymore because he can and will eat even if not hungry. Ironically doesn't like carrots at all.

PJ Pug-a-Pillar loves cooked veggies and is often following Picky around when she's cooking. He doesn't like chocolate, though.

Angel loves cooked veggies and pasta. They're used to making them because it was easy to do and super tasty, but after becoming a parent it's just comfort instead of "I have no energy to do more" food. Also hates dragon fruit, same reasons as Poppy.

Prototype, like Bubba, LOVES curry. Doesn't have a least favorite food though!

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lord-amaranth-12 · 10 months

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(Almost) every food/drink etc. mentioned in obey me nightbringer and shall we date

Notes:

I'll update with links to the sources soon just bare with me. Also please tell if the link arent working

Update: ill stop linking stuff for now

Update: i alphabetized everything (using https://onlinetoolz.net/alphabetical-order) and removed the ingredients for potions cause i will be moving it to another list. I also edited the layout abit to make it more readable

Update: ill start linking stuff now, have to get all out of my storage and posted here before i get full storage again

• Abyss crimson bee honey

• Abyss crimson wasp honey

• Alla death cream

• Artic butterfly scales

• Ash fall chocolate brownies

• Assam

• Backstabbing sandwich

• Barely cooked black tapir steak

• Bat leaves

• Bavarian cream

• Bell peppers

• Black cloud chocolate gâteau

• Black coffee of melancholy

• Black shark flavored gummies

• Black tapir casserole

• Bloody marmalade

• Bloody rice omelets

• Bloody soda

• blood-red velvet cupcakes

• BLT devil sandwich

• Blue rose crystal pickles

• Blue rose petals candied in crystal syrup

• Bufo egg milk tea

• Bufo egg milk tea hell poison honey flavored

• Bufo toad

• Bufo toad sushi

• Bulbul bird eggs

• Butter pancakes

• Castella

• Cat cookies

• Colossal jumbo surprise parfait

• Comfort candy

• Crazy ghoul hamburger

• Crimson bonito flake

• Crimson bonito flake dressing

• Crimson dogwood

• Crimson tea

• Crispy chicken nugget LXXXIII

• Crushed millefeuille

• Dark star fruit sandwich

• Death maggot sauce

• Death mask bat chips

• Deaths door sauce

• Deep-fried devil zebra skewers

• Demi-glace sause

• Demon salmon

• Demonic Sausage

• demon silk moth-flavored gummies

• Demonkiller remora

• Demonkiller remora sauté

• Demonus-infused chocolate

• Demon-luring seaweed salt kalbi chips

• Devil cabbage

• Devil cacao bean

• Devil canelé

• Devil chocolate

• Devil chocolate canelé

• Devil duck confit

• Devil flower fruit trifle

• Devil ham

• Devil lohas milk tea

• Devil moray sushi

• Devil salmon meunière sandwiches

• Devil salmon rolled sushi

• Devil salmon terrine

• Devil zebra bacon

• Devil zebra meat sushi

• Devilbee popcorn

• Devildom gummy Horror house flavored

• Devildom-style boneless pararucu

• Devildom-style vampire bat sandwich

• Devils soft serve

• Dragons mark pie crust

• Dreamfeather cookies

• Dreamfeather meringue cookies

• Dried bufo egg

• Earl grey cookies

• Eternal night herbal tea

• Family pack sushi

• Fish meunière

• flaming hot mushrooms

• Flaming toad

• Fluffy egg pancakes

• Fluorescent rich yogurt

• fried devil chicken

• Fruit of wisdom jelly

• Galaxy burger

• Galaxy fries

• Garlic anchovy dip

• Giant shadow sea cucumber cream pasta

• Glazed Shadow chestnut

• gold demonus

• Gold hellfire newt syrup

• grilled vampire bat

• Hamburger gummies

• Hamburger stake

• Hamburger steak

• Haunted hamburgers

• Havoc devil

• Havoc devil ribs

• Hawthorn berry powder

• Hell demon salmon

• Hell pudding

• Hell velvet parfait

• Hellfire chocolate pie

• hellfire curry rice

• Hellfire mushroom rooled cigar

• Hellfire mushrooms

• Hellfire rose

• Hells kitchen hamburger combo

• Heros herbal tea

• Horror's horror cheesecake

• Hunter sandwich

• Instant noodles (hell-sauce flavor)

• Juicy shadow hog rice bowl

• King-sized fried devil chicken

• King-sized hellfire curry rice

• King-sized poison bleu cheese hamburger

• King-sized shadow hog ramen

• Laughingshroom powder

• Little devils white sauce

• Madam scream's super sweet scones

• Magma butter

• Magma butter pasta

• Magma butter scone

• Mandragora powder

• Marinated bufo toad

• Melted cheese

• Mimic latte

• Mint chocolate chip

• Mont blanc

• Nightshade cream

• Ocean of cloud cake-parfait

• Ocean of Clouds cake

• Ordeal orange fondae

• paradise blue

• Pasta alla death cream

• Pickled vampire bat

• poison bleu cheese hamburger

• Poison strawberry

• Poison veggie juice box

• Poison viper worm al ajiilo

• Poison worm sauce

• Poisonous cheese burgers

• Poisonous cheesecake

• Poisonous marsh pudding

• Princess poison apple

• Promised glory donut (?)

• Purgatory mustard

• Quattro Hungry Pizza

• Quetzalcoatl brains

• Quetzalcoatl brains soup

• Rainbow paw print chocolate

• Red riding hood sandwich

• RedxRed apple pie

• Region exclusive Devildom gummy

• RIP burger

• Ruby chocolate éclair

• Sabbat salad

• Salted hell rose petals

• Salt-grilled black goat bat

• Scorpion syrup

• Shadow caramel

• Shadow chestnut

• Shadow chestnut paste

• Shadow chocolate

• Shadow chocolate brownies

• Shadow hof stir fry in demi-glance sauce

• Shadow hog

• Shadow hog buns

• Shadow hog dumplings

• shadow hog ramen

• Shadow hog soup

• Shadow hog steamed bun

• Shadow hog stir fry

• Shadow pork ragu pasta

• Shadow tuna sashimi

• Silver birch sap

• Simeons special BLT devil sandwiches

• Siren bench caviar

• Smoked cocktraice glizzard

• Smoky black loco moco

• Spicy rainbow pizza

• spiderweb powder

• Sponge cake

• Stardust soda

• Starry-sky waffle

• Stonefish Meunière

• Strawberry shortcake

• Super-sized limited-edition beef

• Sweet and salty canned kraken assortment

• Sweet milk tea

• Sweet tears donut

• thick-cut giant devildom slug sauté

• Thunder sparkle flavored gummies

• Toe bean stamp salad

• Troll coffee

• Ultra D

• Unhappy Mega Combo

• Vampire bat

• Venti brashberry frappuccino with double whipped cream and extra berry powder

• Whole roast shadow hog

• Wicked cupcake

Not in devildom

• Camping meal (Witch camp)

• Cursed goat cheese tartar sandwich (TSL)

• Ema datshi (human world)

• Ginger ale (human world)

• Hamburger (mama's cooking) (levis animes)

• Herbal tea (celestial realm)

• Huckleberry (human world)

• Hyper chili dog (human world)

• Japanese giant salamander (human world)

• Mapo tofu (human world)

• Tornado tomato (human world)

• White mochi balls in syrup (march comes in like a Panda)

Unnamed

• Barbatos's homemade cake

• Barbatos's homemade pudding

• Celestial tea

• Demon lords castle edition premium demonus

• Demonus with scorpion syrup and spiderweb powder

• Devilcats favorite food

• Leviathans homemade granola

• Lobster

• marshmallow

• Moryo Town's special demonus

• multi colored Jelly

• Popcorn Deaths door flavored

• Popcorn lava salt flavored

• Popcorn magma butter flavored

• Popcorn Tree sap caramel flavored

• Pudding from devilmart

• Ramen infernal bahamit flavor

• Rare flower used in baking as a sweetener

• Really big chocolate bar

• Really big chocolate coin

• Salad from Sound Off, Symphony! Summer band camp storyline

• Sheep cake

• Star-shaped chocolate

• Sun and moon cookies by simeon

Characters

• "Little cake thingies"

???

• Chocolate mold

• Devildom miso

• Egg berry whole mil

• Marinated bufo toad

• Marzipan

• Meunièr

• Newt

• Surströmming

#when your so bored at school to the point you ho through your obey screenshots and list down every food mentioned in them #obey me #obey me shall we date?#obey me nightbringer #omswd #obey me food

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izzy-the-chaotic-gremlin · 16 days

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So there was this challenge giving by @its-a-me-mango to make your self Sona into Mr Puzzles! I had lots of fun doing these :]

*check alts for shit and giggles*

I had a lot of fun designing these!

Oh and a little fun fact, this version of me is cannibalistic, I've even labeled food to the entire Smg4 cast :]

Smg4 - pot pie

Smg3 - cherry and plum pie

Meggy - Kallimarie

Mario - spaghetti and meat balls

Luigi - meat and veggie salade

Bob - he's the table cloth

Boopkins - sushi

#smg4 mario #smg4 smg3 #smg4 fanart #smg34 #smg4 #smg3 #smg4 mr puzzles #smg4 melony #smg4 minion #smg4 meggy #mr puzzles #puzzlevision arc

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hexbimbo · 14 days

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DBD Favorite Food HC:

Survivors

Dwight Fairfield

Cheese Pizza.

No more no less.

Thinks pepperoni is “too spicy.”

Pizza What! Had 25% lifetime employee discount.

Meg Thomas

Doesn’t particularly care about her diet as much due to her active lifestyle.

Probably needs more calories than the average person because she’s always on the move.

A good hearty veggie burger is enough for Meg.

Claudette Morel

Ham and Cheese Sandwich.

No crust, untoasted, on white bread.

Toasted bread makes her teeth hurt.

Cut into triangles for maximum efficiency.

Jake Park

In the ~lore~ he is shown to have affinity for Korean Barbecue Ribs.

Really enjoys smoked meats and canned veggies

Canned Artichokes. Boom.

Nea Karlson

Energy drinks.

Probably consumed with some rock candy for extra ✨sizzle✨.

Has attempted to down a can and crush it with her forehead (failed)

Laurie Stroade

Apple pie.

Something all American and sweet.

A nice dollop of vanilla ice cream too please!

Ace Visconti

Would probably tell you some fancy name that makes you feel broke.

More likely a home cooked meal by his Mom

Thinks that high rollers shouldn’t be associated with low class dishes of a foreign country.

I’ll go with Alfajores. Especially the ones dipped with a little chocolate.

William “Bill” Overbeck

Tv dinner with a cold beer

Preferably a Salisbury steak one 🔥🔥🔥

Over boiled canned peas with a slice of buttered bread ain’t bad either.

Feng Min

Candy and chips seems too obvious yknow?

~Lore~ also mentions her being an alcoholic but that’s not really a “favorite” is it?

Probably sponsored a limited edition soft drink that she really liked.

David King

Toad in the hole.

“Classic British “cuisine””

Surprisingly not a fan of a good chippy

Too much oil for his diet

Quentin Smith

Yknow those hard candies in strawberry wrapping old people give on Halloween?

Those

Those 💯

Especially ones with little soft center

David Tapp

Chinese food.

Crab Rangoons was always his go too.

Especially slathered in duck sauce. (Sweet and sour)

Kate Denson

Sun flower seeds.

Perfect snack for wildness jam seshs.

Would be trail mix if she didn’t only eat the chocolate.

Adam Francis

Connivence store meals

Have you see the pre-made meal game in Japan?

~Lore~ mentions that he enjoyed spending his weekends at high end restaurants too.

Big fan of Japanese food.

Jeffery “Jeff” Johansen

Pancakes. Maybe with some blueberry if he’s feeling fancy.

Nice slab of butter in between each layer.

Likes the syrup to soak into a the pancakes for a bit.

Beard definitely catches the sticky crumbs.

Jane Romero

Grilled Chicken and Beet Salad.

Sprinkle some walnuts and goat cheese for extra yummy flavor.

Probably enjoyed with a tasty raspberry or apple vinaigrette.

Ashley J. Williams

Edibles.

Relax kid! He’s just joshing ya’!

Cow tails are pretty groovy.

But he wouldn’t say no to a few special brownies.

Nancy Wheeler

She looks boring as hell

Vanilla ice cream with cherry shell.

Not that flavorful but sweet enough it’s a treat.

Steve Harrington

Root beer float.

Mid tbh.

Enjoys the idea of sharing it with someone via two straws at a sleepy diner.

Yui Kimura

Street food.

Takoyaki to be specific.

Her gang spent a lot of time muscling about in the narrow streets of Tokyo. Easy access to cheap and piping hot food.

Likes eating with her hands.

Zarina Kassir

Felt like she wasn’t as appreciative of her “foreign” lunches as she could’ve been as a kid.

Makes an effort to recreate her childhood meals but lacks the “mom touch.”

Always on the move for the next big story, this film maker enjoys celery and carrots.

Cheryl Mason

Dry Cereal.

Just something to pick at through out the day.

Not too sweet either. Something whole grain works for her.

Felix Richter

Heavily salted potato salad.

Boil some proses till tender, throw in some mayo, lemon juice, parsley, dash of sugar, salt ‘n pepper and you, my friend, have got it ON 🔥🔥🔥

The side dish you’re forced to try but end up digging.

Élodie Rakoto

Hachis Parmentier. Served with a cucumber salad.

“Classic French “cuisine.””

About as tasty as you would expect.

Easy to prepare and easy to eat. (Kinda)

Yun- Jin Lee

Fancy foods for the fancy lady.

Western food has a soft spot in her cold, unfeeling heart.

Mushroom risotto and seared scallops.

Jill Valentine

BLT hold the mayo.

Wavy chips make a good side.

Maintains a firm diet.

Leon S. Kennedy

I raise you one: Ham, Cheese, Egg croissant.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one.

And available at many fast food places.

Had one with a runny egg yoke and - lord.

Mikaela Reid

Lavender Matcha Boba.

Her tastes buds soared.

Too bad it was a limited time promotional item.

Jonah Vasquez

Caesar Salad Wrap with Ranch.

Maybe with a small lil fruit cup.

Overall very healthy 👍.

Yoichi Asakawa

Hamburg with cheese.

I don’t really know a lot about him tbh.

Seems like he has a well balanced diet.

Probably eats it with a cabbage garnish.

Haddie Kaur

Eggs.

Fried eggs served over spiced watermelon rinds are 👌.

Can’t go wrong with an eggs and cheese.

Ada Wong

I can’t really imagine her eating??

My mind says she probably collects antique wine but I can’t really picture her drinking either.

I’ll go with mussoli.

Rebecca Chambers

Macarons!

Expensive? Yes. Shareable? Also yes!

“Oh! Those look just like a smiling hamburger!”

Vittorio Toscano

Cheese and bread.

Maybe- MAYBE a little watered down wine.

Not like a charcuterie board. More Skyrim “going ham on a wheel of cheese and bread”.

Thalita Lyra

Grilled Pineapple.

Dusted with some brown sugar and grilled on an open flame is 🤤.

Likes it tender. Undercooked, firm pineapple makes her sad.

Renato Lyra

Rice. Rice never changes.

Goes well with cheesy stroganoff.

Wash it down with a fizzy drink.

Probably doesn’t eat much else tbh. Classic ‘Tism 😎

Gabriel Soma

Due to his memories being fake it’s hard to tell if he actually likes the food or just THINKS he likes it.

Probably likes hotdogs.

His Mom would always get him some to nom on during baseball game.

Hates pork hotdogs.

Nic Cage

Apparently is irl favorites are KFC and champagne.

Sounds about right.

Seems like a memer and would get a baja blast if his kids suggested it.

Ellen Ripely

Freeze dried ice cream sandwiches.

Or crackers.

Likes the crunch and long shelf life both can provide.

Alan Wake

Scrambled eggs, buttered toast, and black coffee.

You ever such a rough morning you gotta process what’s on your plate for 10 minutes?

Likes his eggs salty.

Sable Ward

DIY spooky treats!

“Mummy Dogs” are croissant wrapped hotdogs and “candied eyeballs” are tangulu grapes.

Probably had an edgy phase of “only liking black coffee.”

“How can you even enjoy the natural taste of coffee with all that sugar and milk??”

Killers:

Evan McMillian

Boiled Dinner.

Throw some cabbage, pastrami, and bacon in bag with some seasonings.

(Read: salt and pepper).

Delicious for 1800 palettes.

Phillip Ojomo

Canned beans.

Eating them straight from the can hit different after a long day of crushing cars.

Knows how to open any can with a spoon alone.

Max Thompson Jr

Biscuits and Gravy.

Was usually served the slop version as a kid.

Tries to re-create it a bit more “not bad”.

Sally Smithson

Johnny cakes.

Probably also likes food with not okay names.

Like “Injun Bread” 🫤.

Micheal Myers

Chips and Cola.

Eats more to survive than for comfort.

A lot of victims tend to be teenagers relaxing on Halloween with an assortment of junk food goodies.

Chips in bowl and a half empty cup of cola are very tasty snacks when he’s on the move.

Lisa Sherwood

I’m not sure if it’s ever explicitly said but I head-cannon her as being from New Orleans.

Craw fish is tried and true banger.

Even in her “Hag” form, she enjoys slurping them up raw.

Herman Carter

Black Coffee.

Wakes up early to enjoy some time alone with his mug.

Maybe dips a crostini in.

Anna

Bear.

Anna likes her food in a very particular way, almost OCD with her eating habits.

Refuses to eat until she “earns” the right to eat.

Bear is the perfect challenge.

Bubba Sawyer

Chili.

Add a dollop of cheddar jack cheese on top for a pop of color.

Likes dipping bread into it.

No spoon required.

Freddy Krueger

Apple slices.

A nice juicy apple was refreshing on a hot summers day working in the garden.

Now, the juices sting his skin.

Amanda Young

Fast food.

If you ever worked the morning shift at a fast food place yknow the crack heads be jonesing out in the corner booth.

Post Recovery, I think greasy fast food helps settle her stomach.

Jeffery Hawk

Corn dogs if he’s mad, cotton candy if he’s sad.

Or both if you wanna meet an early grave.

Either way, eats way too much for his body to properly digest and often is constipated.

Rin Yamaoka

Natto.

Sticky fermented beans beloved by Japan.

Kinda icky but it’s a staple there.

Frank, Julie, Susie, Joey

Frank likes hot chocolate.

Julie likes loaded fries.

Susie likes sprinkles.

Joey likes red slushies.

Adris

Mutton and dates.

A holy meal for a holy woman.

Not too sure if the Babylonians had honey ( I think they did) she’d probably slather it on.

Danny Johnson

French fries.

Perfect finger food while typing up the next big story.

Tries dipping it in the blood of his victims to be “edgy.”

Decided against it as it could implement him to the crimes (credit card, receipts, DNA etc).

Demogorgan

Enjoys nibbling on plants.

More of a sensory thing than taste.

They tickle all the right places in its mouth.

Kazan Yamaoka

Pickled Veggies

Great for traveling and very nutritious .

Probably would be a meat dish but I’d imagine he was very disciplined with his diet.

Caleb Quinn

Lambs Fry.

Also likes snacking on bar peanuts.

His favorite part is the eye ball.

Pyramid Head

I don’t think he can eat.

Doesn’t he have a tongue??

Likes flicking it over the inside of his helmet.

Likes the metallic taste of rust.

Talbot Grimes

Haggis.

“Classic Scottish “cuisine””.

Would cry eating it as child.

Also likes hibiscus tea for the anti oxidants ☝️.

Charlotte and Victor Deshayes

Food was hard to come by growing up.

Survived off of scraps.

One time they were lucky to come across very tasty meat.

Their mom said it was “honeyed” whatever that meant.

Ji-woon Hak

Champagne.

Definitely pours it over himself to watch it stream through his abs.

Enjoys dropping a fruit in to dive after.

Nemesis T-Type

Nemesis is technically a meat suit being piloted by a parasite (that’s what his tentacle thing is.)

Kinda feeds off the body it’s piloting.

Like a fungi to a tree (which is bananas, look it up.)

Elliot Spencer

Scabs.

Especially likes the thicker variety that peel clean off.

Bonus points if it’s has that soft, goey white stuff in it.

Carmina Mora

Caldino de congrio.

Hot as fuck.

Eel hits different.

Sadako Yamamura

Rice.

Nothing special.

A plain bowl of rice lightly salted is a good meal in itself.

Maybe a peice of unseasoned fish.

Dredge

Fingernails.

Enjoys chewing on its “hands” and hearing that sweet, sweet crunch.

Sometimes chews on the fingernails of deceased survivors to see if it can taste what they’ve previously eaten.

Albert Wesker

Sultans Delight.

A creamy eggplant mixture topped with some braised lamb.

Doesn’t really take the time to enjoy it.

Give him 7 minutes tops.

Tarhos Kovács

Preserved fish.

The extremely salted filets cook up real quick for a tasty dish.

Was always a treat when he found a barrel of them in his raids.

Adrianna Imai

Guarana.

Enjoys it especially as a mixer.

Her mini fridge is always stocked with some.

HUX-A7-13

“Eating” is an organic thing.

No thanks.

Does have a favorite type of electricity.

Enjoys the smell of carbon.

Xenomorph

Human.

As an apex predators, Aliens enjoy killing everything that catches their eye.

I imagine our Alien in particular developed a taste for human flesh.

Charles Lee Ray

Swedish Meatballs.

Some meatballs are better than others.

But they like, gotta be seasoned super well. Not like a dash of Italian herbs and you call it day.

Unknown

Bone marrow.

Likes to suck them out of chicken bones.

Or human bones.

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