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veliseraptor · 10 months

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Thoughts on chengxian as a romantic ship? I ship it and was wondering on your opinion.

I am not personally a chengxian shipper inasmuch as I don't tend to read fic where they are plainly, explicitly, romantically or sexually into each other.

however I think I would say I am a chengxian shipper in the sense that it's an incredibly intense relationship for both of them, highly charged, complicated and messy and extremely important in how they relate to each other and (in at least some ways) to the rest of the world. jiang cheng doesn't make sense as a character if he doesn't care about wei wuxian in an incredibly deep and intense way. wei wuxian doesn't make sense as a character if he doesn't - or at the very least didn't - care about jiang cheng in the same intense, almost consuming way. it's a massively significant relationship in both their lives and it's one I find very interesting and compelling to explore.

so like. I guess I'm a chengxian shipper in the same way that I was ever a thorki shipper, in that I wasn't, but also I kind of was, because for me at a certain threshold of relationship intensity the sex or romance or lack thereof starts to become almost incidental. for instance the point where you undergo experimental surgery to have a piece of yourself removed and placed in another person?

so like. while I guess I would say in the strictest sense that my feelings on chengxian as a romantic ship are sort of "eh, not my personal bag, at least not in the traditional sense" but that really doesn't feel like the most accurate answer to the question.

#conversating #anonymous #chengxian #the sad queer cultivators show #also 'romantic ship' is so nebulous for me sldkfjsldkfj #like. what does it meeeeean #i know but also i don't #it's much easier for me to say 'do i sexually ship these characters'#than 'do i romantically ship these characters'#because the boundaries on the latter are a lot more porous for me #this is what happens when you're a deeply closeted queer #with really really intense friendships with all her female best friends through adolescence #the 'what's romance and what's friendship' lines get really uhhh confusing

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trensu · 2 years

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How about a Magic is Real au with a dash of cursed item dubcon thrown in? I feel like there should be more of this type of au in the fandom. Y'know, for funsies.

Okay yeah, Steve probably shouldn't have touched the cursed object. Like, it's practically in the name, right? And Steve might not be genius-smart like nearly everyone in his friend group but he's not an idiot. He's got common sense. He's the one that grabs Dustin by the collar or steps in front of Nancy when they get into their heads to run some genius plan without taking into account that, like him, they're frail mortal humans.

Which is why he touched the cursed object himself--a handwritten poem on some thick paper that's yellowed with age--because if he hadn't, they both would have gone for it. He saw them start to reach out because they're both too stubbornly curious for their own good. He figured if the object was actually cursed, it's better that he carry the curse and have the genius-level smart people on the job of figuring out how to break it rather than them being cursed and benched for it. It's sensible! Of course none of them listen to him. But he's feeling fine so really, what does it matter?

"Okay, hand it over," Dustin says after Steve didn't display any negative effects.

"Nope! Not happening, Henderson," he responds cheerfully. Dustin tries to protest but Nancy cuts him off.

"No one else is touching the thing until it's been put in the neutralization circle. Just because Steve hasn't had a visible reaction to it doesn't mean something didn't happen."

"Look at the bright side," Robin tells the still grumbling Dustin. "We get to visit your favorite dragon master!"

"Dungeon," Dustin says exasperatedly. "Eddie's a dungeon master."

Steve and Robin roll their eyes simultaneously. "Whatever."

So they trek over to Eddie's place. Nancy and Dustin trade off questioning Steve the whole time.

"What does it say?" Dustin asks.

"I don't know, it's just some poem? No name on it. Looks kinda...sappy," Steve shrugs. "Do you want me to read it to you?"

"Better not," Nancy shakes her head. "It might be a spell that activates by voice. How does it feel?"

"...like paper. It feels like old paper."

"No weird sensations? Is it lighter or heavier than you'd expect? Does it look odd when you read from it?"

"No, Nance, it literally just feels and looks like some old-timey English homework."

"And you're still not feeling weird?" Robin asks, because she's his platonic soulmate who cares about him doesn't get wrapped up in every new puzzle that shows up like Dustin and Nancy.

"Still feeling fine. Seriously, I'm starting to think the rumors were just, y'know, rumors." He tucks the supposedly cursed paper into his jacket pocket, ignoring Nancy and Dustin's indignant protests.

They finally arrive at Eddie's place. Eddie opens the door with his usual mischievous grin.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company today, my lords and ladies?" he asks with a lazy half-bow.

"Eddie! We need to use your neutralization circle," Dustin starts to explain.

Steve should probably try to pay attention but he can't because Eddie is here. Eddie is here and taking up all his focus, and if Steve doesn't kiss him right now he might die. Steve moves without a second thought, shoving Dustin to the side to get right into Eddie's space. Eddie's bambi eyes widen (fuck he's beautiful, how is he so beautiful) and tries to take a half step back and hey, that's not allowed.

"Whoa there, big boy, what--"

Steve doesn't know what he was about to ask because he's pulled Eddie close and nipped at his lips. Eddie yelps in surprise, and Steve takes advantage to deepen the kiss The shocked whimper that escapes Eddie's throat thrills Steve. Eddie starts to relax into his arms and all Steve can think is yes, yes, this is what he wants. Distantly he hears someone squawk in shock, followed by other similar exclamations from other people that really really don't matter right now because Eddie is in his arms and Eddie wants him and he needs Eddie to take him to bed right now.

Eddie tears his mouth away from Steve and wait no, why's he doing that, oh, hang on Steve can work with this. Steve presses wet kisses along Eddie's jawline.

"S-Steve," Eddie gasps, and doesn't that just sound delicious? But it would be even better if Eddie would just scrape his teeth against Steve's neck. Huh. That's a...what do you call it? Dilemma? Yeah, a dilemma. How can he get Eddie to cover him in love bites and talk to him in that voice at the same time. He pulls back for just a moment to ask Eddie what he would rather do, because Steve is down for whatever Eddie wants, and in that moment the worst possible thing happens.

Someone else's hands grab the back of his shirt and yank him back while Eddie takes the chance to also shove him away?? Why is he shoving Steve away?

"What the fuck," Eddie says, sounding slightly hysterical. "What the fuck just happened?"

Did Steve upset him? Oh god, what did Steve do wrong? He knows Eddie wants him so he must've screwed up big time if Eddie's pushing him away now. Steve has to fix it, he has to.

He tries to get back to Eddie but the hands on him tighten their grip and Steve nearly growls in frustration.

"Steve what are you doing?!" Nancy asks, voice high pitched and grating and Steve feels a flare of annoyance because wasn't it obvious?

"I was kissing Eddie," Steve bites out.

"Why?!" Dustin screeches.

"Because I'm good at it and I want him to fuck me," Steve snaps. Because, again, this should be obvious and they are getting in his way.

Dustin slams his hands over his ears, screeching again. "NOPE, NO, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS."

Underneath the screeching, Steve hears Eddie giggle. When he looks over to where Eddie's plastered himself on the opposite wall (and damn, why hasn't Eddie shoved him up against the wall yet? He can't think of anything better than having Eddie manhandle him), he sees that while Eddie is giggling, he doesn't look exactly happy about it. He looks skittish, which is the opposite of what he's supposed to look like. He's supposed to look like he wants to eat Steve up with a spoon. Steve tries to smile at him anyway because he loves Eddie's laugh and he hates seeing Eddie distressed. For some reason, Steve's smile makes Eddie look more distressed.

"Uh," Robin clears her throat. "So, um, is this something new? Because, I'm kind of insulted you didn't tell me you were dating, Steve. We're supposed to tell each other these things!"

"We're not, we're so not. I have no idea what's happening right now" Eddie interjects and Steve feels his heart splinter a bit. Alright, Eddie might technically be right in that they haven't actually done or said anything about dating or making out or doing dirty dirty things to each other before but that doesn't matter because he knows Eddie wants him and he needs Eddie.

"Eddie," Steve says, "Eddie it's fine, I just want...why are you so far away?" Steve takes a lurching step towards him.

Suddenly, Nancy's hands move from where they'd been gripped into his shirt and puts him in a chokehold. "Nance," Steve rasps. "What? Let go."

"I think we've found the curse, Steve, so no, I'm not letting go," Nancy says firmly.

"Curse?" Eddie asks, looking straight at Nancy and not sparing Steve even a glance, what the fuck. Steve struggles against Nancy's hold but she doesn't budge an inch.

"We were following up a rumor about a cursed object and we found a handwritten poem--"

"--that the dingus of course just had to grab--"

Well that was rude. Steve's gotta find himself a better platonic soulmate. But that's a problem for later, right now he has to figure out how to coax Eddie back.

"He said he was fine though," Dustin whines. "He was acting completely normal!!"

"We were coming over to use your neutralization circle so we could investigate the item safely. And yes, Steve was behaving normally before we got here," Nancy continues to explain. God, why did these people have to talk so much? Can't they see they're wasting their time?

"I am fine, I don't know why you all are acting like this," Steve complains and tries to wriggle out of Nancy's grip again.

"Why we're acting like this?" Dustin splutters.

"We're not the ones acting weird, idiot," Robin says.

"You're keeping me from Eddie," Steve says as an explanation. "Nancy let me go!"

"Yeah, that's not--this is not normal behavior for you, Steve-o," Eddie says, and he might as well have stabbed Steve in the heart. How could Eddie not know how much Steve needed him?

"Eddie," Steve whimpers. He needs to fix this immediately. "Don't say that, Eddie. I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry okay? Tell Nance to let me go and I'll make it up to you. Just give me a chance. I'll make you feel really good, Eddie, I promise. You want me on my knees don't you? I can do that! You can even pull on my hair."

Eddie makes a strangled sound. Nancy on the other hand makes a disgusted noise that was almost inaudible under another of Dustin's screeches. Robin starts to babble something about getting the paper into the circle yesterday.

Steve really doesn't understand why everyone is freaking out.

(one additional bit to the au)

#trensu tells stories #stranger things #steddie #magic is real au #cw: dubcon #honestly this started with the thought: what if magic is real and they're cursebreakers?#and then i remembered the trope of magically induced fuck or die scenarios #and was like why not?#of course here it's less fuck or die #and more like keep in physical contact or suffer severe physical discomfort and emotional distress #not entirely sure how the curse works tbh #but that's okay because i doubt i'll write any more of this #i like the idea of the curse kinda dropping knowledge of the other person's uhhh preferences shall we say into their head #yknow #to help them seduce the object of their dubious affections #in this scenario eddie and steve have both been pining for each other #OBVIOUSLY #they just don't know that yet

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welcometogrouchland · 2 months

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May I ask about your Jason Todd idea? <3

Hm, okay so. How to lay this out sensitively since I know it might be a tad controversial...

Prefacing by saying I'm not an expert on the minutias of Jason characterization. I like him when he appears, I think the battle for the cowl/Morrison era and some parts of modern era for him are Weird and Bad, but I'm not Jason scholar (for that I'd say maybe check out @/tumblingxelian and their great video essays), I'm just trying to think of what might be an interesting step forward for him.

First, the canon facts

Jason got lobotomized and has panic disorder on steroids. By the end of Gotham War (specifically when Jason was. Flying the batplane into the asteroid. God I can't believe that's the plot) he was finding it in himself to power through said panics

In Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing #12, the joker gives Jason a "low dose" of joker venom, which has an ambiguous effect on Jason, allowing him to power through the fear (which joker explicitly states is still very much present, just not physically debilitating, like when Jason couldn't run over in either Catwoman #57 or #58, the one with the kid in the building) even though he'd been able to do that sans venom over in Gotham War, like I previously stated.

The effect of said joker venom seems to be lingering for now, minus the creepy grin side effect it gave Jason over in that man who stopped laughing issue, as seen in the latest batman issue (number is escaping me rn, #147??). He still has the stutter which is a shorthand for fear, he's drawn with fearful expressions by Jorge Jimenez, but he says that he's "working through it" thanks to the chemicals

This is both super interesting and kind of maddening as it doesn't completely remove the consequences of what happened in Gotham War, but is trying to sweep them under the rug and get back to business as usual. I, however, propose making said consequences front and center like a fashionable urn on a mantle piece:

Since it's never stated how exactly the joker venom works, and I think the current answer is "it works how the story needs it to" I've decided that because it's a low dose, it eventually wears off. And when it wears off, Jason's back to square one in terms of mental state. Ergo, if Jason doesn't want to live the rest of his life as quaking shivering husk of his former self...he's going to need more.

(read more for the meat of things)

So, Jason self medicates for a condition given to him by the father he has endlessly complicated feelings towards with a cure invented by a man who represents everything he hates in the world who once tried to take everything from him.

Which, insert poetic cinema gif here, I'm quite proud of myself for that one.

Anyway, there's a lot of directions you could take this. Personally I think it'd be interesting to explore Jason trying to get back into the drug trade like he did in UTRH (FULL TRANSPARENCY I HAVEN'T READ THE FULL COMIC, I KNOW BROADSTROKES BUT IM NOT GONNA TRY AND MAKE PARALLELS) as he tries to use the resources (production plants and other drug runners who can hook him up with samples of joker toxin/similar stuff you can probably find around Gotham) to manufacture his own cure that means never having to go back to the joker again. Maybe he ambushes a joker toxin chemical production plant to get his own supply, and then Jason uses this as his foothold back into that world.

This isn't necessarily me saying we should regress Jason alll the way back to UTRH, that was before his anti-hero era and I'm not willing to fully shoot him back into the past. I just think that's not how you tell good stories in a medium like comics. But it'd inherently be a little different just bc he's doing it for different, slightly more self motivated (depending on your take on villain Jason) reasons and the people around him would have a different reaction to it.

Anyway, all sorts of problems can arise! Depending on how you wanna characterize Jason (wayward son who longs to be back in the fold or black sheep who doesn't play by daddy's rules, etc) he can either a) try and hide this criminal enterprise from his giant family full of nosy detectives (good idea there jay) OR do it out in the open, trying to justify himself but still putting himself on the opposite side of the family again (not the law bc that boy hasn't been on the 'right' side of it since he died)

There's also the fact that Jason now needs to take something 24/7 in order to live his life. He essentially can't be without it, he's dependent on it, in fact he'd get sick without it despite any adverse effects it may have on him (which are guaranteed, I mean. No clinical trials)

I imagine it'd be easy to become addicted to it in some way.

And uh. This is the part where it works slightly better as a fanfic pitch than an actual comic pitch. Because as much as I think it'd be such an interesting beat for Jason's character considering his fraught history with addiction and drugs (looks away from that one urban legends story where he suggests terrorising addicts to get to the suppliers and bruce lectures him. The easiest way to make Mr "we don't sell drugs to children" sympathetic and you beefed it)

I also fully recognise that this is a sensitive topic that DC doesn't have the best track record with (although addicts aren't a monolith and feel a number of ways about addictions portrayals in comics) and that there's probably some pitfalls inherent in the premise, namely bc of Jason's background as an impoverished kid and his grey morality, and how those play into stereotypes of addicts. Addiction is already such a misunderstood and stigmatized condition that I imagine playing with it with an antihero might be enough to turn some people off. Addiction is not a moral failing and I'd hate to write it as a moral failing of Jason akin to his willingness to kill, etc.

But with all that said, I think that stereotypes are primarily harmful because of their shallowness. They inhibit understanding of groups labeled "other" by presenting them in simplistic ways that don't portray richness or complexity. And I think a truly good red hood comic could give both sympathy and complexity to Jason, even as an addict. If anything, Jason is a popular character (mostly) and there could be something nice about seeing a main character go through what you're going through, gritty details and all. YMMV (can we bring that back btw?) and it depends on execution. There's a lot of ways it could go wrong, but seeing as it just lives as a hypothetical rn, I think there's also a lot of ways it could go. I mean, not right, it's a downer story beat for Jason but it's mostly meant to be interesting and a vehicle for more stories as Jason navigates it, ya know?

Anyway, I have a lot of spiels littered in my notes app and discord DMs that elaborate on all this (how this could work as act 1 in a broader Jason story where his little operation goes to shit and he has to hit the road (jack) and maybe do some character development for better or worse. I'm a sucker and wanna say better- not squeaky clean better but. Yknow, finding himself to an extent. I recognise I'm a sap and a fool tho. Or how a new outlaws team could factor into either of those eras (since I do like Jason with an outlaws team. It gives him an excuse to exercise his compelling relationships and dynamics with other characters without having to constantly tip-toe around the elephant in the room whenever he's with the batfamily all the time. He just needs a good lineup) but that's all for another time

... though without elaborating on the vision in my head it kind of just sounds like my pitch is "Jason gets addicted to his hyper-anxiety medication" BUT I SWEAR ITS MORE THAN THAT.

It's like. If Jason has struggled as a character (and this is very subjective on my part so feel free to disagree) because he has compelling relationships with all of the batfamily, but also has compelling grey morality that makes it hard to capitalize on those relationships, without the conflict always coming to "Jason stop killing!" "Nuh uh!" OR just being ignored, and the main way writers have addressed this is via reboots instead of arcs...

Then giving Jason and the bats:

real, legitimate and fresh reason for jay to be mad at Bruce (taking their relationship of love with very little understanding to it's most dramatic conclusion)

give the family a real reason to want to bring him back into the fold (feel bad about the lobotomy and it would be pretty immoral to let Jason waste away slowly and painfully because of something Bruce did)

capitalize on all the ways Jason is sympathetic (bc the addiction is a natural lead into his backstory, which is one of his most sympathetic elements)

And the ways in which he's very out of step with the bats post-resurrection (I'd be mad asf too if i came back to life just for my dad to a) not avenge me and b) LOBOTOMIZE ME meanwhile the cunt ass clown giving me my meds is just lurking out there).

Idk it's not a sophisticated pitch as of this moment but I think a real chef (writer) could cook something w/ this

#ramblings of a lunatic #do i maintag this #uhh #dc #that's enough i don't need to bother ppl with my brain dump #you made the mistake of asking /j #i hope it's not. too out of left field for what you were expecting? if you were expecting anything #this has just been rattling in my brain since i was venting about gotham war to a friend while sick a while ago #idk jasons a hot topic rn he's seemingly controversial atm but i think he's just some guy #he needs a little direction a little tlc like i said. but I've always found him interesting and i think this is at least an idea-#-for how to deal w/ jason post gotham war #tho who knows. with the new Summer Events on the horizon maybe jason will be rebooted again #and I'll go bald all at once like silver age lex luthor #not from chemicals in a lab accident but from stress at my ideas no longer having relevance #it happens more often than you'd think #the ideas thing. not me going bald. that's only sometimes #uhhh anyway hope this absolute behemoth text isn't too much. sorry i can't physically shut up #also ppl who know more about jason amd would like to say things (CONSTRUCTIVELY) on this post feel free!#(i say constructively because. I'm sensitive. mean comments make me cry)

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andersdotters · 6 months

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Hi! I recently found your blogs, and can I just say how much I love your character analyses? Your portrayal of each character is always so in depth to the point where I can even picture them acting and speaking the same in game! I'm so impressed and I seriously don't know how you connect to each and every one of them so perfectly :O

If I may ask, what does your research and character profile process look like? As someone interested in writing, I hope to be as skilled as you with analysing characters (and writing plots and writing in general--) one day :) Any tips would be appreciated!

Thank you so much for all the hard work you do. I know I'll enjoy the story you come up with next!

Aww thank you so much!! Honestly sometimes I worry that my analyses won't be to everyone's tastes, so I'm very glad you think that they're good! I feel the same way about my writing because I know they're not the most romantic, so it's a relief to know you like it. ;v; <3 I have a lot to say about your questions though, so I'm going to put it under a readmore. It's an uh... infodump HAHA

When it comes to research, what it basically comes down to is reading everything. Read the character's lore, read their voice lines. Read what other characters have to say about them. Even talking to every NPC you see in the hopes that they'll talk about a character helps out a lot too HAHA. I also recommend going back to old events when doing research too. Reread them. Listen to the voice actor's portrayal of them. Read everything you can.

This is take three of trying to explain my character analysis process, but I'm going to give up and just explain to you the main logic that governs it. Basically what it boils down to is: we are not unique. Humans are not unique. What do I mean by this? People that are certain ways--for example, they have a low self-esteem, consistently overwork themselves, they want children when they get older, etc--they will typically share common characteristics. When you know the defining characteristics of each trait, you can potentially apply that trait to everyone you know that displays those characteristics.

For example, people that constantly overwork themselves typically have unhealthily high levels of perceived responsibility, typically with a self-deprecative trait that they don't deserve to be happy and rest. People that are very showy tend to care a lot about what people think of them. People that are extremely close to their families typically lose the ability to function properly without them.

If you know people that are like the examples above, you know that these observations are pretty accurate. And these examples represent pretty common types of people as well. Once you've seen one of them, you've seen them all. Nobody is unique. And because of that, you can apply these observations to characters because characters are meant to be human. Example one is Kaveh. Example two is Itto. And example 3 is Lyney. Now you've gotten a deeper dive into their psyche.

The way you become better at character analysis is by broadening your internal library of traits and their defining characteristics. This involves three steps: observation, drawing connections between observations, and fine tuning these connections by applying them to other people.

These steps are easy to understand, but let me go a bit more into step one. Observations come in two categories: physical observations and intuitive observations. Physical observations encompass things they physically do. Intuitive observations are larger statements that can't be tied to just a single physical observation. For example, physical observations may be that they don't go out much, they don't talk much in groups but do one-on-one, they wear bright colors, they're rude, etc. Intuitive observations are more: they seem to be uncomfortable around children, they act like they're scared to contact first, they're always on the move, etc.

The second step involves drawing lines between observations and trying to deduce meaning. For example, [they end their sentences using a rising intonation] + [they ask me my opinion a lot] = [this person cares about not sounding rude or unwelcoming]. Or, [they have a low self-esteem] + [they care about being seen as morally good] + [they engage in fandom] = [I probably should not tell this person I think Dottore and his penchant for human experimentation is hot].

Typically the logic goes: [physical observation] + [physical observation] = [intuitive observation]. [physical observation] + [intuitive observation] = [mid-tier intuitive observation]. [intuitive observation] + [intuitive observation] = [top tier intuitive observation].

But it does not end at step two. Step three basically tests to see if your observation from step two is valid or not. When you apply your observation from step two to a multitude of people, you're able to fine tune your observation to make it more generalized and more accurate. Maybe you realize that not everyone that ends their sentences in a rising intonation is necessarily polite, but it's more of a cultural thing. Maybe you see that having low self-esteem isn't always a symptom of having a high moral code. Test, revise, then test again. The higher the tier of your observation, the greater the chance it has of being wrong.

When I analyze characters, I go through my mental library and see which traits and characteristics I've catalogued before. And for things that don't have an exact match, I try to find ones that shares at least a few things in common that may follow the same logic. For example, I don't know anyone like Zhongli. However, I do have a friend that's very outgoing, but you can have a full on conversation with them and leave not knowing anything about them. Can I apply the logic of my friend to someone like Zhongli?

I will say this and I will say this again. People are not unique. Everyone is a copy of someone else in some way. When you treat the characters as if you were analysing any other normal human being, you can quite easily draw conclusions from what they have in common with people you know and have seen.

Anyway, this is so long I am so sorry. Hopefully I didn't completely bowl you over with information. OTL

#interactions #anon #another thing i want to say is like....#don't try to hold back the frankness of your observations #if you've ever read my analyses of kaveh they're uhhh.... not the nicest (tho idk if i only posted them on my personal...)#in order to become aware of flaws of characters you need to be able to accept the flaws objectively in others #if someone is mean then say they're mean. if they have a martyr complex then say they have a martyr complex #don't be afraid of being objective. that only hurts the process #some people think that it's not nice to give attention to the flaws of people you love #in my opinion that's complete bull #when you are aware of a person's flaws you understand them better and they become easier to forgive #you can rightfully say #'yes you may have flaws but knowing them makes me love you even more'#you get me?#also what helps is sharing your analyses with others and have them help you to refine your observations #also don't be afraid to observe and draw conclusions in general #sometimes you may feel you're invading a person's privacy #and uh..... to that....... um...#you have to decide what matters more to you. getting better at analysis or giving someone their privacy HAHA #by this i don't mean like... be a stalker or anything #but i think the biggest thing to actually remember the most is that....#CORRELATION DOES NOT IMPLY CAUSATION #just because a character shares all the traits a pattern you've seen in real life doesn't mean that's their issue #take everything EVERYTHING you deduce with a grain of salt #this is ESPECIALLY so when you are analyzing real people #no matter how accurate you think you may be you are not an empath nor are you a mind reader or god #do NOT act upon your deductions or think you know what's best for people from them #in the end analysis is purely theoretical so like... don't take yourself too seriously and have fun uwu

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lucyvaleheart · 7 months

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#man. nights are. Hard huh #Uhhh this is. Another vent post HEAVY trigger warnings for this one #honestly I wouldn't bother reading this nothing'll come of it good or bad so #don't worry about me ill be fine in the morning just need to. Scream into the void again #....again serious serious trigger warnings on this I'm too tired to say specifics but I know it'll be fucked so #Anyway #maybe Jade's right maybe I do need to see a therapist #she talked about some medication for anxiety and it's effects and what is like on and off the stuff #And......#........'waking up and going to bed on the verge of tears' vs 'not doing that'#sounds................#............christ. I...#I'm not suicidal I think I'd never actually follow through nor would I bother to self harm #None of that would solve anything for me and I'm too chicken to do it regardless #But.....#......i sure do think the words 'I wanna throw myself off a cliff' kind of a lot #killing myself is sounding less like a vague weird concept and more grounded in reality #hhhh #do I need to talk to someone about this? maybe #am I going to? probably not #is putting this on my public blog where I know there's a very good chance a bunch of people really close to me will see it a cry for help?#............................................................#i dunno #just know my chest hurts all the time and Im always a few seconds away from breaking down in tears at any given moment #and I just kind of want everything to stop #just stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop #wanna turn my brain off and just leave it like that #everything sucks and is hard and getting harder and despite being absolutely surrounded by love and support #I keep having these horrible low points and the high points feel further and further away #....anyway.....this is the last tag it'll let me do so. um. I'm sorry for whoever does read this... hope you're having a decent night

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bravevolunteer · 6 months

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idk when i made my movie verse i was trying to keep it as unobtrusive as possible since everything was so fresh but man….. thinking about all the mike afton theories where he wasn’t necessarily too young to remember anything related to that but his “memories” are just so unreliable due to trauma

#been seeing a LOT of talk about it which is also something i considered as a possibility pre movie and MAN #mike who sure could just be constantly dissociating about his past #yea his brother who was uhhh taken in [tv static] vague woods location and his parents named uh [more tv static] who were just like #families in old commercials and certainly not with any familiarity with a Certain Restaurant-#you have got to admit. That Is So Fucking FNAF. That's So Novel Charlie Core. IM JUST SAYING......#and of course this could also be used as an explanation for the emily theory and why he just has zero memories of fazbear #BUT... you know. This Is A Michael Afton Blog DJSFHGDFSJ #unfortunately a very difficult idea to work with BECAUSE if the dreams are entirely unreliable that would leave Everything up in the air #but hooo boy it's a concept. canon who he has literally been my oc this whole time what if-#⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc #and of course i still don't want to be too obtrusive like there is POTENTIAL for his dynamic with vanessa here oh god!#as for abby and garrett who knows i don't it's not like this is a coherent post anyway-

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aprofessionalwithoutstandards · 2 years

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okay man controversial take i have. there's somehow not enough lgbt tf2 content. it sounds bonkers but hear me out. i think we need to invest in the homosexuality of tf2 more. like i know people probably think "oh yeah we have so much gay content" no we don't. first of all there will never be enough, second of all there's still traces of stereotyping and flanderization in how people portray the characters w their identities, and third of all people aren't really going ALL out. i love myself some nsfw headcanons but there's only so many you can make before it's repetitive. go wild with that shit. tell me about how you think scout has a fetish for shoving beer bottles up his ass or something (#justbostontingz). more in depth analysis of how ship dynamics play out and how they interact. more characterization on how they deal w their identities. more experimental portrayals of the characters that deviate from how they're usually portrayed (people are multifaceted, yes pyro crayons fire my little pony but they're more than that). in general just more ms pauling. more engineer top scars.

I'M DOING THIS !!! Girl u are describing my posts u should follow me

#i am going to pick one bone with you tho 'stereotypes with their identities' is Okay sometimes. like that's just our culture sometimes #like it's okay to make medic say Yas and Slay and Wig. because he Fucking deserves it. hit the slay button kamerad #also u might just be in the wrong spaces my mutuals are posting fucking Insane ship dynamic breakdowns #anyway yall don't even KNOW what i think demo tf2 is into sexually. who wants to hear THAT!!! can i get a response cmon #i'm still shy abt more genuine nsfwposting (except The Fic) but uhhh i'm working up to it. i really am #ask #anon #tf2

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moe-broey · 15 days

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Jesus fucking Christ .

#you know when i heard henriette was appearing in lumera's fbs i was really intrigued.#esp w all the character development she's been getting/playing a much more active role #and like. esp A convo she had good lines/insights about why fallen lumera is like that #but jesus christ. f!lumera actually triggers my fight or flight response SO FUCKING BAD. INCREDIBLY fucking tense the Whole Time #crazy fucking fb. lumera is actively freaking me out and when henriette tries talking her down #saying 'i'm a mother too i understand what it's like to want to protect your children'. i don't believe a damn word she's saying.#not even in a character analysis way though i always had trouble placing if henriette is trustworthy #i just. have some sort of skill issue.#anyways uhhh. happy upcoming mothers day. every year it rolls around i'm always either really stressed or really guilty.#i am a normal man. with no problems.

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ratgirlcopia · 1 month

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#copiaposting #i'm at the point where i don't really know what a niche fact is in terms of like. the things i say.#which is kinda intentional because i am a ghost blog who cannot bear to look at posts about ghost. i like my cave and shadow puppets.#but i think the respite thing is even more obscure than i'm making it out to be here.#pretty sure 99% of people do not interpret the song that way.#and i think there's room to quibble about it tbh but it's definitely We and Together and the only uhhh empathetic song on impera. i'd say.#the nurse thing is still too obscure even for a joke about obscure knowledge. unfortunately.

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some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat · 5 months

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Extremely incoherent tired ramble I think mostly about what the heck does empathy mean and I can't have npd right (<- doesn't remember if he actually confirmed you can't be high empathy and have npd or just got confused by something but still probably just being mentally ill in unrelated ways)

why do narcissist memes need to be so relatable like I'm high empathy unless I've gravely misunderstood what empathy is? I think that's gotta be one I don't have right ?? my brain is just still disorder hoarder mode because it still hasn't realized we already got the validation of knowing we're genuinely messed up that we were craving years ago (which was mainly "yes you're plural actually no like legit you're not making those guys up and yeah no that stuff was trauma you are not just mysteriously messed up without trauma there was definitely trauma what part of being terrified every single night for most of your childhood did you think was not traumatic") what was I talking about uh empathy is like just interpreting information to the best of your ability and then feeling things based on that interpretation like it can be incorrect just like you can read words wrong and react to what you think you read and like empathy makes you feel what you interpret other people as feeling to some extent right? and it's like analogies and metaphors in how it requires you to map one situation onto another in order to interpret it and lacking knowledge about one of them will make it much harder to understand just like I don't understand what it means to not understand metaphors to the point of struggling to communicate without the use of analogies in case that wasn't obvious but that's what empathy is right like it's not telepathy it's just interpreting and reacting to information?? I have that I can interpret information and then I react like just now I thought what if a child was sad for some reason and I almost cried bc hypothetical child is sad and that's incompatible with the thing isn't it someone who's better at humans than me please explain good night

#sfw #personal #I'm sleep deprived and don't know how humans work and I'm bad at ????? something I don't know what I was saying #but I'm posting anyway because uhhh I can't think of an explanation that isn't basically quoting npd posts??#but I can't say them that's uh illegal because I don't have npd so if I say those things it's because my brain decided to pretend to have it #because like I said it just hasn't caught up yet with the yeah we don't need to have all the disorders we got the answers we needed #you don't need to make up more answers or questions and I don't know what I'm talking about anymore I'm gonna stop talking #and go to sleep and think way too much about how disappointed I'm gonna be looking at the notes tomorrow #and overanalyze that thought in a familiar spiral of “why are you making this up?” “because I'm right”#at least this time I'm not pretending I'm not in a spiral for years chasing my own tail insisting my tail isn't real but a squirrel #what am I even saying I'm sorry good night

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