#and thought i could fix something and feel good about myself and then i fucking broke it and lost it

[teaboot]

Forgive me if you’ve already answered something similar but how do you deal with crushing guilt when you did fuck up but there’s not really anything you can do to like make amends or you’ve already done anything you could and still feel guilty?

Like I know the guilt isn’t productive at all, if anything it’s just paralyzing me, and mentally beating myself up over it isn’t actually helping anyone. But I don’t know where to go from there. Idk how to actually forgive myself, or at least be able to move on

CW FOR SELF HARM

Okay, so this is something I've had to work through for a very long time myself, and there's a few different strategies that I've used to cope and process with varying levels of success.

What I used to do was handle the "I've ruined everything and hurt people and am never going to be forgiven" feeling by hurting myself in a number of creative and stupid ways, from physical hurt (Everything you'd expect) to mental hurt (wallowing, speaking badly of myself, going over the bad thing over and over again in my head) to passive hurt (neglecting my health, not eating properly, failing to pursue good living conditions, letting others hurt me, deliberately wandering into risky situations) and despite any short-term relief or peace I got, none of it ultimately fixed anything.

At the end of the day, making myself suffer as retribution or apology didn't fix the thing I'd done and didn't make the guilt go away, and all it gave me was an additional sense of shame and isolation because now not only was I a garbage person, I was a garbage person with something to hide from my loved ones. Zero out of ten, do not recommend.

The stuff that DID help was harder and is going to sound stupid because *I thought it was stupid* until it worked for me.

First: Learn the difference between GUILT and SHAME.

GUILT is how you feel about your choices.

SHAME is how you feel about yourself.

"I was late to a date again, that was inconsiderate": GUILT. The issue can be resolved by analyzing the reason behind the action and planning steps to avoid repeating it in the future. Guilt is productive because it motivates us to improve our choices. Once you've corrected the behaviour, it's over.

A"I was late to a date again, I'm inconsiderate": SHAME. The issue can be resolved by asking ourselves:

What negative thing to I believe about myself?

What other experiences support this belief? What evidence do I have that the bad thing is true?

Do those previous experiences have anything in common? Where they actually proof of a personal lack, or did someone just tell me they were? Were my choices and actions understandable? Did I have a reason? Was I trying to hurt others, or was it a mistake, accident, or learning experience? Have I grown from that experience?

Can I forgive myself for the past? What do I need to do to forgive myself for those past events? Was I really at fault at all, or was it out of my control?

Accept that.

Your present traumas and shames often have roots in beliefs you had about yourself before the new shameful thing occurred. When you dig into resolving the issues that led to today, you can use those conclusions to work through tomorrow. This is something I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy.

There are a number of ways of unpacking these questions, but as I felt I was deliberately avoiding my thoughts and feelings, I chose to jump into them directly, and found it to be effective.

You can write things down, talk to someone, paint something, draw something, whatever. Whatever at all works for you.

My solutions was to find a comfortable place on the floor, sit down, close my eyes, and do box-breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) while deliberately thinking about every upsetting memory attached to a specific bad belief that I could recall until I had nothing left to go over.

Judge and jury. Was I a bad person, or did I make a mistake? Did I have malicious intentions, or did someone accuse me of malicious intentions? Am I bad, or have I been conditioned to believe I'm bad? And at the end of it all, am I capable of better? Do I want to be better? And would a truly bad person care?

It was more emotional than I expected the first few times. Cried a lot, actually. But if I can liken it to a common feeling, it was like getting out of a very thorough shower and realizing you didn't know how dirty you were before.

The process sucks ass, no lie, but it's worth it. Like draining pus from a gnarly wound to get it healed up properly.

I'm not an expert, of course, but life has gotten better since I started. I'm better at forgiving myself, at least.

Also: Some people will never forgive others even for tiny things. Sometimes once you've done your best, you've just gotta say "fuck 'em". C'est la vie, mon amie.

Good luck, yeah?

♡

#Self harm cw #Guilt and shame

[spence-whore]

Ray of Sunshine

Spencer Agnew x Reader

Request: Hi, can we have one like the Damien Haas imagine Stressful Days but with Spencer?

A/N i apologize that it has taken me forever to get this one up. I also apologize for it being super duper short. I have been struggling writing some things and honestly this was one of them because i have been having a bit of a tough time and didn’t really know how to help myself. This made me really step back and made me realize, I need to take care of myself more. I’m gonna be honest with you. I don’t like this one. I have written better things. I might just be too tough on myself but I hope you enjoy this though:) also, please remember. I fucking hate editing things. I edited this as best as I could lmao

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Spencer felt like something was off today with his partner and he couldn’t tell what. You would usually send him goofy stuff throughout the day but today, you had only sent him a good morning text. A few hours passed by and Spencer sent you a text, asking if everything was okay. You had responded with a, “yeah:)” but he felt like that was a lie. It was driving him insane because he was stuck at work and wanted to be able to help you.

Little did Spencer know, you were stuck at home on the couch. You had called off from work for the day and was just laying there staring at the ceiling. You had attempted to clean up and even cook for yourself but you just simply couldn’t do anything for yourself. You got frustrated at one point, yelled, threw the rag on the counter, and went and jumped on the couch. You knew that Spencer was worried about you but you didn’t know how to vocalize that you just weren’t all there mentally.

Work was just draining you so much. You worked at a place you were not happy at. Spencer had offered to help you get a position at Smosh plenty of times but you turned him down each time. You didn’t want to crash together, work and a relationship; it just didn’t feel right to you. Everyone at your workplace was so unbelievably negative. They were so rude to you and just took out so much on you.

“Goooooooooooooooooood.” You groaned throwing a pillow over your face.

You had thought about maybe taking a shower, maybe that would help you? While getting up, your phone had buzzed, so you sat there and looked at your phone.

spence<3 : would you want to go for food when i get off work?

You smiled and responded.

you: could we maybe get takeout and just sit in the car and eat?

He didn’t respond right away, so you decided on taking a long shower.

You had turned on music and got in to just metaphorically drown your worries away.

Around twenty minutes had passed and your phone goes off. You reached out of the shower and dried your hand off, so you could grab your phone.

spence<3 : hey, i got off early. I just went ahead and got take out and brought it over. I’m here right now but don’t feel like you have to rush in the shower. Take your time<3

Right after you finished reading the text, you heard a light knock at the door.

“Hey babe, is it okay that I just came on over? I didn’t know if you wanted alone time today or something.” Spencer shouted through the door.

“Spencer, honey. I always want you around. I’ve been done for a while, so just let me dry off. I’ll be out in a second.” You responded after turning the water off. “The door is unlocked, if you want to open it.” You said after wrapping a towel around you.

You were in the process of fixing your hair out of your face whenever Spencer opened the door.

“Hey pretty thing. What’s been going on with you today?” Spencer asked walked up behind you and wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“I’m just so mentally drained.” You said trying to laugh but it fell flat. “Work has been killing me. I’ve been looking for a new place but can’t find anywhere’s.”

“I heard some of the people over at Mythical are looking for assistants. It’s not the same company, so we wouldn’t be working together. You could apply and I could talk to someone? Maybe put a good word in?” Spencer suggested then placed a quick kiss on the side of your head.

“Maybe, I dunno. Can we just talk about it in a little bit?” You asked, looking at him in the mirror while feeling tears welling in your eyes.

“Of course. I got some little treeeeats for a little guy in the living room.” Spencer said stepping

You turned around and just stared at Spencer for a second then pulled at his arms, so he would open them. He opened them and just yanked you into a tight hug. You stood there for a minute with your face in his chest.

“As much as I love you and love holding you, I am so hungry.” Spencer whispered while you just giggled into his chest.

“Let’s go eat then you goober.”

The two of you walked into the living room and you could’ve cried. Your apartment wasn’t that much of a mess but it had gotten a little messy since you haven’t had the energy to be a human. While you were in the shower, he had picked up all of your trash, thrown your clothes and stuff into the washer, and put your dishes into the dishwasher. He also had your favorite flowers sitting in a vase on the table in front of your couch.

You just froze and didn’t know what to say. “I thought maybe I would help you clean up a little. I know you usually use cleaning as a way to de-stress. So, I knew something was up whenever I came in and saw you had random things laying around. I just thought maybe it would boost your mood a little if I helped you out then got some food in you.” Spencer said from beside you with an awkward smile on his face and shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” You asked while sitting down and opening the pizza box that was sat in front of you.

“I have a little bit of an idea.” Spencer responded and chuckled a little. “Whenever we get done eating, would you want to go riding around? We could go to that area that overlooks some of the city and get ice cream or something?”

You just nodded your head while stuffing your mouth with pizza.

The two of you sat on the couch for a little while, eating loads of pizza and watched your favorite movie.

It’s so funny because any time someone tells you that they are mentally drained, they want alone time. They don’t want to be around others and just want to rot in bed all day. You used to be that person.

After you met Spencer, you only ever wanted him around whenever you felt down.

He felt like rays of sunshine after a rainy, horrible day.

#spencer agnew x reader #smosh x reader #spencer agnew fluff #spencer agnew imagines

[elytrafemme]

why doesn't anybody talk about schrodinger's mental illness? seriously i think i'm onto something here

#nightmare.personal #i'm starting to think i'm over it like #i've been so happy lately and i'm having these weird nightmares about my family for no reason but like #i have FRIENDS and i'm taking CARE OF MYSELF and like i thought i looked super pretty today #but i am freaking out a bit about how nice this one friend of mine is being to me #which is so weird bc he'/s like the safest guy to be around ever but suddenly i feel insanely unsafe #hm. maybe i'll be fixed if i go to bed #ugh i have classes tmrw which are FINE classes but like. work. and then also therapy #and therapy's good just like. ugh. Ugh. maybe i'll talk to her about me hating my gf's mom's profession and my moral crisis #bc guys it's kind of awkward i really don't fuck with landlords but my gf's mom is um . Kind of one of those #anyway i think i'm better honestly like the klavier and dahlia stuff is starting to just feel like an inside joke #something earlier happened and i was like klav would like this. andi pictured him a bit in my brain as how he looked #and like. we laughed. but i don't think he was there at all #and the BPD stuff isn't happening like i've not mood swung at all lately i don't think #so maybe it was all in my head andi'm fine now? that could be it honestly like. i'm fine. which! #is weird and abrupt but hey i'm into it. y'know. whatever #it would kind of suck if it turns out i was perfectly fine i was just overthinking it but. hey #honestly whatever. people are fine i'm fine i'm safe and the nightmares are stupid #i need to see this guy anyway tmrw because i invited him along to grab breakfast with me and our mutual friend #we're like a trio so i figure it's fine. hopefully the dining hall isn't still on fire i need to fuck up that pomegranate acai drink so bad #it's SO good you guys. but like. idk. i feel happy like perfectly happy. like i don't think much is wrong #these weird feelings of dread and hovering on the edges of panic attacks sometimes but that's really it #ugh. i hope the lecture hall has good chairs #sorry i cannot focus on this i'm restless rn. i need. like. something #i think me and my GF might break up soon bc of the parents work and the sex thing but like. #someone lobotomize me i'm literally fine what's going ONNNN

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[hecksupremechips]

Love being a boy who likes others boys like damn this is pretty silly I can’t believe we aren’t all doing this

#the klock keeps ticking #love it when guys kiss too like hell yeah man this is what living is all about like genuinely #oh but you know whats really homophobic? i fixed my gay keychain #i got it from pride last year its really cute its 2 male symbols linked together and it broke when i dropped my keys one day #its like a charm that was glued to a metal holder and the charm just popped out #and i finally hot glued it back together but hm i just dont think hot glue stays when its against metal cuz ughhhh #after having a horrible day already on wednesday i dropped my keys in my car and the charm popped out again #and it went under the seats somewhere and i cant find it and i actually wanna cry cuz like #idk its a really important keychain to me and its like. ive had to kinda keep it away hidden and i was feeling motivated for once #and thought i could fix something and feel good about myself and then i fucking broke it and lost it #i really hope i find it like hnnnghh my life is nothing but failures and hopelessness rn i cant lose this too

[werecreature-addicted]

Sacrificial Lamb reader/vampire priest.

Just consider— a cute little lamb reader lying on the altar, begging not to be slaughtered, the tears their crying making the vampires heart flutter. All the cult members are confused why the ritual keeps getting pushed back- meanwhile the vampire is spoiling his little lamb rotten.

ohioohooohiohoo

His hands are gentle, stroking your cheek as you wake slowly, your eyes flutter open slowly to the morning light, and there he is, your keeper.

"Morning," you yawn sleepily,

"Good morning, little one,"

"is it a good morning? I thought my execution was scheduled for today." you huff, you should be more scared but the soft look on his face can only mean one thing. you get out of bed and change idly, not minding the priest as he watches you, he's a man of god after all, there's no way he'd be looking at you in lust.

"ah well, we thought so but some knew doctrine has come to light, now is not the time for sacrifices. we'll have to wait for next winter, at the very least," he says. You hum thoughtfully turning back to face him, his hungry red eyes fixed on your body, flicking up to meet your face as you turn around.

"Well, I'll make myself useful until winter then." When you were born, it had been prophecized that you would be sacrificed to the gods and your death would bring about a new golden age for your homeland. Then, on your eighteenth birthday, you'd been handed over to the church, to live out your final days in the temple, under the watchful gaze of the father and his dedicated cult. Your execution has been postponed four times now.

You wondered if the cultists even bothered setting up the altar this time. it was always something, the stars weren't aligned properly, the materials were all wrong, you fell ill and couldn't be slaughtered while sick, and now, Spring was a time for rebirth, you'd have to wait for winter for the ritual. which winter? who's to say? it might be another few years before he tries to start your sacrifice again.

He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. he puts his nose to your throat and kisses your skin. "You could be useful to me now," he breathes, his voice strained, tight with hunger. You had been so scared the first time you'd almost been killed, you remembered sobbing and pleading for your life, his knife poised above your throat, He told you that you could live, for now, if you served the cult and him. Of course, you agreed, that was the first time he bit you, spilling your blood on the altar in a different way.

You lean your neck to the side and sigh as you feel his fangs pierce your skin. you have to lean back against him for support as he drinks your blood and you grow weaker.

"so perfect, so delicious," he murmurs to himself as he drinks your blood, licking at your throat, catching any stray drops of blood. His hands slide down your body feeling up your hips and thighs. You can feel his hard cock pressing against your back as he slowly grinds against you. The priest is chaste, a man of god, but he's also a vampire, as he's explained he can't help but get erect when he feeds it's a natural side effect and completely nonsexual.

He pins you down on the bed and pushes your legs apart, grinding against you, fully clothed, as he bites your neck again. you feel dizzy, a mix of feelings as your blood is drained and as you buck and grind against the vampire on top of you. you try to keep quiet, but you can't help but moan as he takes full advantage of you. You feel dirty, the man who's saved your life so many times now is just trying to eat and here you are getting off, practically masturbating right in front of him with his cock.

You can feel how large his dick is as you grind together, you can't help but wonder what it would feel like if he pulled your underwear aside and fucked you properly while he drained your blood, the thought alone makes you shudder and press up against him as he continues to dry hump you. although with the sticky feeling between your legs and his wet mouth sucking on your neck, "dry" might be the wrong word.

you bite down on your own hand to muffle the sounds of your pleasure as you cum, still trying to hide your own lust, what would the priest think if he found out you were so lustful? if you were lucky he'd bend you over and spank you for being so sinful, at worst he might chain you down to the sacrificial altar and leave you there.

The priest pulls away, breathless, your blood smeared messily around his mouth "What a mess we've made," he huffs, looking down at your neck, and then his eyes drop further to the place where your bodies meet.

"I can clean it-" you offer weakly,

"no, no little thing, rest, you need to let your body heal, close your eyes, I'll take care of all this," he coos reassuringly, you nod obediently and close your eyes.

You look so venerable like this, he could do almost anything he wanted with you in this weakened state. the prophecy said it had to be a virginal sacrifice, maybe he could halt the ritual permanently if he just took what he'd wanted from the beginning.

#monster imagine #monster fucker #monster #monster boyfriend #teratophillia #vampire #vampire smut #werewolf boyfriend #vampire x reader #vampire x reader smut #blasphemy #tw dubcon

[a-hazbin-reader]

how about a reader who's been feeling pretty overworked recently?and just needs to rest but is to stubborn to Al does something about it?

Now it's Alastor's turn to pamper~

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: None I think??

Description: ☝️⬆️

You've been going nonstop all week and it's been taking it's toll on you physically and mentally

There's so much that needs done and you're only one person, you don't have time to sit and relax

Which means you're unintentionally taking time with you away from Alastor

Not his ears drooping and folding back when he realizes you're going to turn him down

"I'm so sorry, Alastor, I'm just too tired to go out and I really need to finish this."

"Y/N, it's our date night and I insist that you-"

"I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you later, I promise."

But you pass out and Alastor has to carry you to bed, hating that you're so overworked right now, that you have no time to spare for him

Which in his deer brain, means that you're neglecting him because you're so fried from work

And that means he's gotta fix this

But you're stubbon and won't relax willingly so he's got to get creative

"Darling, won't you take this bubble bath with me? I need help getting my back~"

🥵🥵 s-sure

He takes special care to massage and scrub every part of you until you're a gooey mess in his hands

Despite his claws, he can be surprisingly gentle, it's rather soothing to feel them ghosting over your skin

It's not until later when your back is against his chest and he's kissing your shoulder that you realize he's been spoiling you the entire time

Literally carries you to bed bridal style and dries your body with a loving reverence that makes you blush

"Alastor, I can do this myself-"

"Hush now, let me do this for you..."

Rubs fancy lotions and creams into your skin, massaging until you inevitably fall asleep under his care

Nobody is allowed to wake you or bother you at all for the time being, he'll make sure of it

He finds excuses to interrupt you during your work, forcing you to take breaks

"Darling, I accidentally made too much jambalaya! So I thought I might bring you some as I am quite sure you haven't eaten today~"

"Alastor, I don't have time to-that smells really good..."

It's so good you could cry, devouring the entire thing while he stays and has lunch with you, turning it into a mini date

You didn't even realize how tense were before Alastor showed up, feeling full and relaxed after he gives you a parting kiss

You really don't want him to go, watching him leave with a longing expression

Not him purposefully stealing something you need so that you have no choice but to seek him out

"Have you seen my folder? I can't get back to work without it!"

"Hm? I can't say that I have, but have you seen what a beautiful day it is outside? Why not just skip work today, and we'll take a stroll through Cannibal Town?"

Won't take no for an answer, already looping his arm with yours and marching you outside

It is actually a beautiful day outside

Takes you to all your old haunts and spends all day buying anything you even look at

It feels good to catch up with Rosie and some of your old friends, not having realized how long it's been since you've seen them

He also takes you out dancing, which leaves you tired and sore, but in the best way possible, he was always exciting to dance with

Will carry you home if he has to, will actually find an excuse to do so

"Do your feet hurt? Here, let me carry you~"

You pass out before he puts the blanket over you, soothed by his scent on your pillow

It's not until later when you wake up to him putting your folder back in your bag that you realize what he's been up to

"Alastor..?"

Oh fuck he's been caught

"Darling! I was just-cleaning off your bag and-"

"...just shut up and come back to bed..."

Literally climbs right on top of you and flops on you like he's your own personal weighted blanket

Kissing your neck and shoulders before whispering into your ear with a slightly guilty voice

"Are you angry with me?"

"Mm...not if you keep giving me attention like this..."

Well, he wouldn't want his darling Y/N to start getting angry with him now, would he?

The next day you feel more renewed and refreshed than you have in weeks, waking up tangled in Alastor's arms

You chuckle softly and push some of his hair out of his (totally not pretending) sleeping face, admiring his handsome features

He's a sneaky man who tricks you into relaxing and taking time for yourself because he loves you

And you love him all the more for it

This one was too cute! I hope you like it

#hazbin hotel x reader #alastor hazbin hotel x reader #alastor hazbin x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin x reader

[irb-pascalito-99]

Catch Me If You Can

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Warnings: Smut, teasing, unprotected p in v, come play

Summary: Joel’s girl can’t stop staring at him while he’s fixing the table they broke.

A/N: This is an excerpt from Chapter Thirteen of my fic Always an Angel, Never a God. To read more of this pairing visit a03.

I lean back and watch the muscles in Joel’s back flex as he drills new bolts into the table. Beads of sweat roll down his arms and create dark patches on his t-shirt. I crawl toward him and kiss his neck as he puts the drill down.

“I think you should do this with your shirt off,” I mumble against his skin.

My hands slide underneath his shirt, trailing up his stomach and chest. Joel chuckles. He leans back slightly to give me better access.

I grab the hem of his t-shirt and pull it over his head. He lifts his arms as I do. Joel allows me a couple more kisses before he starts to work on the table again.

I chew on my bottom lip while I watch him. Joel doesn’t have defined abs or the form of a bodybuilder, but there’s no mistaking he has muscles. His arms and back flex as he picks up another table leg to screw into place.

I offered help when he started, but he wouldn’t allow it. Now, he focuses on the task at hand. His eyebrows crease as he bolts the leg into place. He shakes it firmly to assure it is strong before moving on to the next one. He looks over his shoulder to see me still staring at the definition in his arms and back.

“Careful now, I’ll start thinkin’ you only want me for my body,” he jokes with a wink in my direction.

“I like you for more than your body,” I lean back against a nearby wall while Joel searches for the bolts for the next leg.

“Oh really, like what?” He asks. I roll my eyes at his obvious attempt for compliments, but happily play into it.

“Well, turns out you’re good at making furniture,” I joke. He laughs and shakes his head before screwing in the next bolts.

I could think of a million reasons why I like Joel. He’s unbelievably generous. He’s smart, but he doesn’t rub your face in it. He’s amazing with Sarah, and so understanding with Ellie. He’s the kind of man who fucks you so hard against a table it breaks, and then spends the next afternoon putting it back together again. When he pauses with the drill again I continue with an honest answer to his question.

“You make me feel safe,” I say. He puts the drill down and turns his full attention to me. “I don’t have to pretend to be anyone else. I can fall apart a little around you. You make me feel safe.”

I keep my eyes on the ground. I don’t want to see Joel’s reaction to my statement. I don’t want to know if it’s too much too soon. We sit in silence until he picks up the drill again.

“You make me feel safe too,” He says. I lift my eyes from the floor. He fumbles with the screws in his hands. “I’ve been focused on Sarah for so long. It’s nice to be able to let go a little sometimes, have somethin’ for myself you know?”

My heart flutters at the notion of being something he holds for himself, that I could be as important to him as he is to me. I know Joel loves deeply, and Sarah will always be the biggest thing in his life, but I hadn’t thought of how lonely it must have been for him over these last several years.

Obviously Sarah’s mom leaving had left a hole in their family, but Joel lost more than a co-parent. He lost a partner, a wife. He’s never talked about her in a romantic sense. He hasn’t mentioned her at all since the hospital. I haven’t wanted to push him into opening up, but something about this conversation feels different. It feels as though he’s offering me something here.

“Did you have that with Annie?” I ask. Joel’s shoulders tense, and I fear I may have misread things. “Was it ever just easy?”

Joel focuses on drilling the screws into the final leg before he answers me. My heart thumps in anxiety. I shouldn’t have pushed. The weekend was going so well. Why did I have to push my luck?

“I guess it was for a minute there, when we were just young kids livin’ our lives,” He examines his work, shaking the table legs again as he continues explaining. He doesn’t look at me while he talks. “She got pregnant so early into our relationship though, so it didn’t stay like that for long.”

I debate on leaving it like that. Joel is clearly uncomfortable, but I want to know him better. I hardly know his past at all.

“Why? What happened?” I ask.

Joel rubs his face and then wipes his hands on his jeans. He doesn’t shy away from the topic, but I can tell he wants the conversation to be over. From what I can tell after conversations with Tommy and Sarah, Joel doesn’t talk about Annie with anyone these days. I find that strange coming from a man who’s been so adamant that I open myself up to others.

“It was just a lot of pressure,” Joel grabs one end of the table and turns it back over to stand on it’s legs. “Neither of us knew what we wanted or how to handle it. Our parents were furious. We thought marriage was the best answer but neither of us were ready for it. It was a giant dose of real world issues shoved into our teenage romance, so no it wasn’t ready for long.”

“Tommy mentioned you guys were on your own with all that.” I respond. Joel turns to me with a slightly angered look on his face.

“It’s not Tommy’s place to be sharing that,” he says. I shrink back into the wall slightly. Joel’s anger immediately dissipates after seeing my reaction. “Sorry it’s just, a part of my life I don’t want you to have to deal with.”

I try not to be angry that he chooses to hide that part of his life from me, but I find myself wondering why he doesn’t think he can trust me with it. He seems so keen on knowing my secrets and holding my darkness. I wish he’d let me do the same for him.

He doesn’t give me any more room to press him on the topic, choosing instead to bring the energy in the room back up. He picks me up and carries me over to the table. I squeal and kick my legs in the air, caught off guard by suddenly being thrown over Joel’s shoulder.

When he sets me down he places me on the finished table and stands between my parted knees. He places his hands on the surface of the table bracketing my hips. His lips come forward to meet mine, pulling me in for a deep kiss when he shakes the table roughly again. It stays firm on the ground, no creaking or concerns that it might collapse.

“Now that’s a proper table,” he says with a grin. He pulls me in for another kiss, immediately deepening it and bringing me closer to the edge of the table. As the kiss gets more heated I push him away. “What?”

“We are not fucking on the table again Miller, you just fixed it.” Joel’s big brown eyes morph into a sad pleading expression, but I refuse to cave. Instead I shake my head and cross my arms.

“Oh come on,” He kisses my neck, biting down enough to leave a mark on the skin.

“Joel” I moan and throw my head back. When he moves to the other side of my neck I shake my head to clear it and crawl across the table to the other side.

He stands with his hands still on the table. I grin at him while he gives me a grumpy look on the other side of the wood.

“Not on the table,” I say cheekily.

When he starts to round the corner toward me I run off in the opposite direction, heading for the stairs. I giggle as I hear him start to run after me. I’m halfway up the stairs when I feel his hands grip my waist and pull me off my feet. I kick my feet in the air and squeal.

Joel places my knees on the ground. I grab the edge of the steps in front of me and gasp when he grabs the waistband of my leggings and underwear, pulling both down my thighs. The material gathers at my knees as he fumbles with his belt.

“Joel,” I whine. The tension pulls in my center so much it almost hurts. I can feel the center of my thighs becoming slick as my wetness drips down the inside.

“I know baby. I know, I’ll make it feel better.” Joel yanks his own pants down enough that his cock springs out.

His hard length presses against my back causing me to moan as I press back into him. What started out as playful banter has turned into overwhelming need. Joel runs his fingers along my folds, groaning loudly when he realizes how wet I am.

“Oh darlin’, you need it bad huh?” He mumbles huskily into my ear. I nod my head, pushing myself back against him again.

He chuckles in response as he brings his hand back to his cock. He pushes his length through my folds slowly. I push my body back into his hoping that he’ll begin to fill me. I let out a hiss when the head of his member brushes against my clit before he pulls back again.

After a couple thrusts his cock notches at my throbbing entrance. I’m panting as I wait for him to press forward, on the verge of tears from anticipation. He kisses my shoulder while he pushes just the tip inside and freezes again.

“Please, please, please, plea-” I beg, cut short from the delicious stretch of his cock inside me. I throw my head back on his shoulder as he thrusts forward. His hands grip my hips to hold me still while I tremble around him.

Once he’s filled me to the brim he pauses to let me adjust. My pussy flutters around his pulsing length. I could probably come just from this, but he soon retreats and slams his hips back into mine. He keeps his pace slow, but his thrusts hard and deep. Each one pushes the breath out of my lungs.

“Fuck, Joel.” I moan as he thrusts in again. “It feels so good, you feel so good inside me.”

“Yeah?” He pants. His hands slip on my hips as he struggles to maintain his grip through the combined sweat of our bodies. Words are becoming increasingly more difficult as the pleasure builds so I nod my head in response.

I feel my core tighten and clench around Joel’s cock. He groans and starts to thrust harder and slightly faster. His hand slips around my front to start making small circular motions on my clit. The coil inside me starts to tighten even more, causing me to lurch forward on the stairs.

I rest my forehead on the stairs as I call out for Joel, no longer aware or in control of what I’m saying. Whatever it is, it spurs him on more. My fingers pull at the threads of the carpet on the stairs, undoubtedly pulling chunks out as well, while Joel’s fingers speed and supply more pressure. Something snaps inside me. I scream as I let go. Joel grunts as my pussy throbs around him, and continues working me through my climax.

When I come down my body sags against the harsh angles of the stairs. The only thing keeping my hips from the ground is Joel’s hand wrapped around my waist. I can tell he’s close. His thrusts become sloppier as he moans louder with each one. I feel him pulse inside me and he grunts.

He quickly pulls out and turns my body around on the stairs. Joel’s hands grab the front of the shirt I’m wearing, his shirt I stole off the bedroom floor this morning, and yank it open. Buttons clatter along the walls and railing of the stairs as they fly away.

With my chest and stomach exposed to the open air, Joel brings his hand to his cock. He pulls it rapidly. I watch him through hooded eyes while he moans. His eyes wander over my figure splayed out in front of him. Once he looks up to see my face he lets go with a loud growl. His seed decorates my body in ribbons, continuing to pump his length until he has no more left to give.

He grabs the wall with one hand and the railing with another as he breathes heavily with his head hung. I commit the sight to memory, certain that this is what all the greatest painters in history saw when they decided to capture the beauty of man.

His breathing begins to slow down when he opens his eyes again. He brings them up to me and remains frozen as I trail one hand down to the mess he’s left on my skin. I collect his spend on my fingers and lock eyes with him as I bring it up to my mouth and suck my fingers dry. He looks about ready to collapse from the sight alone.

When I pull my fingers from my lips he leans down and kisses me gently. His tongue licks along my bottom lip before slipping inside my mouth. As he pulls away a string of saliva connects us and then splits, seeking in the coarse hairs of his beard.

He stands up first, pulling his pants back up, and then helps me back to my feet. Joel pulls my leggings and underwear back up for me as I wobble on my legs. I keep my grip on the railing so I don’t fall. Over half the buttons on the shirt I was wearing are now hidden in the carpet of the stairs, so it remains open while I attempt to climb back up the stairs. Joel lets me try for a minute before picking me up and carrying me to bed for a nap.

To read more visit a03.

#pedro pascal #smut #fanfic #joel miller #joel miller smut #a03 fanfic #a03 writer #joel smut #tlou hbo #joel tlou #joel miller x original character #joel miller x oc #joel miller x reader #wip #pedrostories #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal fanfiction

[pedgito]

Hi Ali!! I love your writing and I was wondering if I can request dom Joel punishing you by riding his boot??

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆

summary | joel doesn't like gifts, you gift him new boots. [3k]

pairing | joel miller x fem!reader

content warning | 18+ content, as always: no use of y/n, soft dom/sub dynamic, boot-riding, degradation kink, unprotected piv, one (1) face slap, porn with absolutely no plot.

author’s note | original working title for this was new boot goofin' because i can't take myself seriously, idk what this is but enjoy. kel (@beskarandblasters) suggested the actual title for this so thank you babe ♡

↝ other fics | requests? | ao3 | update blog | fic recs

Three things about Joel you were intensely sure of—he was a strong lover. He loved hard and he cared even harder, always willing to put your needs before his own, even to an unhealthy degree in some cases. Two, he liked to be in charge. With his willingness to put you before him, it also lended him to enjoy the role of being dominant in the right situations. He kept a lot of himself locked up around everyone but you. Through the few years you two have become close and started this relationship—if you could call it that—there’s a solid understanding of each other’s needs. He provides the domineering nature you crave and you subdued yourself to him willingly when he puts the facade on.

At first, it never left the bedroom. You both enjoyed the disguise of the dynamics to make things flow easier, not allow things to stall out so quickly and you had all the proper safety precautions in place to allow you both the happiness you seeked out. But, as most things in your life, they seeped through the cracks and bled out, intermingling with the rest of your daily life.

Sometimes it was just a look when you’d say something in public that was indecent or a comment that made Joel’s face go hot, knowing that despite his openness in public, he was still a very private man. He reserved that side for you and only you. And he did so much for you—not just around Jackson, but in your own home. With him being the lead guy for patrols and having such a…special relationship with him, it lended for more leniency when you weren’t feeling great or needed a break from the hectic energy that patrolling liked to suffocate people with, always on the brink of danger. And Joel was always too handy for his own good—always finding a reason to fix up a broken something in your own small house on the outskirts of Jackson. 

Broken pipe? Fixed. Chair broken? Joel could shape you out a new one in a couple weeks.

Last week he had repainted then entirety of your kitchen cabinets because he thought they were looking a little dull—as if they weren’t run down from years of abandonment and like this wasn’t the fucking apocalypse. Despite that, you felt the urge to thank Joel. And not just thank him.

Properly. With a gift.

But—oh. Third thing, Joel hated gifts.

Despised them.

But, you weren’t always the best listener or rule follower.

A patrol with Tommy had you both scheming up an idea when you bring up the option of gifting something to Joel as a proper offering of appreciation, his hand resting loosely on the rifle slung around his chest, fingers tapping against the butt. 

“Well—you know, there’s a clothing store a few miles east,” Tommy tells you, “Ellie and I found it when we cleared out that hoard a few months back—lotsa clothes and shoes, mostly untouched. We could check that out? I need to grab a few things myself anyways.”

You nod easily, “Yeah—that pair he has is falling apart. It drives me insane.”

“Joel doesn’t like to let go of things easily,” Tommy comments broadly, “He’ll make do with what he’s got until it falls apart.”

“Well, he doesn’t take no for an answer when I tell him to stop helpin’ me so he’s gonna have to suck it up just this once.” You smile slightly, earning a soft chuckle from Tommy.

You hoped it would go over well—because Joel did need new boots and there was little harm in an innocent gift…right?

–

Joel is brimming with an energy that only accompanied him after long patrols, the ones that lasted a few days and kept him away. Away from his home, away from you. He doesn’t even attempt the trek toward his own house, rather taking the first right and beelining for your small house at the end of the neighborhood, squeezing his leather covered hands into fists.

He’s anxious, pent up—not with anger or rage, but just a need to release some built up stress. Fortunately, he knew the perfect way to do that. His boots squeak against the hardwood of your front deck, the tattered rubber around the toe of his boot hanging on by a thread as he kicks it gently into the base of the door softly, idle as he busies his mind and prays that you’re still awake.

You’ve been waiting for him all day, his gift hidden away safely as you yank the door open excitedly, nearly tripping over your own pair of haphazardly thrown shoes on the floor.

Joel lets out a soft oof as he catches you, chuckling at your bright and beaming smile.

“Someone’s excited,” Joel chides playfully, though his voice is gruff. He sounds tired, looks it too, “been missin’ me, baby?”

You nod immediately, “So much,” You press a gentle kiss to his lips as he kicks the front door closed with his foot, slowly removing his layers—thick coat falling first, then his thinner jacket he wore underneath to leave him in a thick thermal, his skin still prickling with the winter chill but quickly warming underneath your touch, “everything go okay?”

“Yeah—just a bad storm comin’ in,” Joel explains, ignoring how distracted you were, allowing the soft pecks to his skin as you pulled away, slowly inserting yourself into his line of sight, mischievous grin plastered across your face, “—what are you up to, darlin’?

“Got a surprise for you,” You tease playfully, feeling his thick, calloused fingers slip under the thin material of your shirt, subconsciously seeking some contact with you, “can you go sit on the couch and close your eyes?”

Joel didn’t take too well to surprises, but he trusts you. So, he nods quietly, though there’s a slight hesitance to him as he takes a seat on the couch, slowly unlacing his boots in your absence to relieve some pressure but not taking them off completely, the tongue of the boot hanging lifelessly over his even more pathetic looking laces.

He can hear your soft footsteps as they approach, bare feet against the wood flooring as the couch dips slightly and he feels something hard and solid pressed into his hands.

“Okay, open ‘em,” You tell him gently, watching as he blinks his eyes open, expression mostly unchanging—it wasn’t unlike him to have little reaction, but it did worry you slightly, “—surprise?”

Okay, terrible idea. Got it.

“Darlin’,” God, you’ve heard that tone before, body tensing slightly, “I thought I told you I don’t need nothin’ in return from you.”

“Joel—you’re constantly helping me,” You argue softly, “it’s the least I could do. Plus, you need a new pair.”

“That’s not the point,” Joel tells you, “I do that stuff ‘cause I like knowin’ you’re comfortable, that you don’t have anything to worry about while I’m away.”

“And I worry about you too,” You interject quickly, “Joel—it’s just a gift, it’s okay.”

Joel places them on the table in front of him silently, contemplating thoughtfully.

He’s made it clear on several occasions that he doesn’t like things in return. That he does these things without the expectation of anything in return, but he appreciates the gesture. Joel isn’t used to people caring for him and it feels odd to allow it. And he sees the nervous energy inside of you brimming, like you’ve made a bad choice and you deserve the punishment.

 Almost begged for it. 

Your fists curl nervously in your lap, waiting for any sign that Joel had to offer.

And when he doesn’t respond, you find yourself curling into him out of instinct. Thighs spreading out over his lap as his hands follow the trail from your knees, up your thighs, until his thumbs are settling in the crease of your pelvis. You attempt a gentle kiss, but he’s reluctant to return it.

“Did I do something wrong?” You ask quietly, a genuine curiosity in your voice.

Joel shakes his head slightly, but the hand guiding its way around your neck tells a different story, his fingertips rubbing against the softness of your jawline, forcing you to look at him properly.

“Nothin’ wrong, but I do think I need to remind you of somethin’,” Joel explains in a soft, but demeaning tone, “that when I tell you I can provide for you and don’t need anything in return—that I mean that.”

You wait with baited breath, blinking rapidly at how hot his breath feels against your skin, feeling your cunt throb with need, with an insatiable want for him.

“And since you wanna buy me a new pair of boots—well,” Joel chuckles darkly, feeling your fingers tighten into the thick fabric of his thermal, “you’re gonna have to help me break ‘em in.”

You look at him, perplexed. But, his pupils dilate under your gaze, the subtle shifting as he kicks off his old, tattered boots as nods subtly to the new pair behind you.

You sigh breathily, “Huh—Oh, you want me to—”

“Ride my boot, baby,” He tells you clearly, “Seein’ as it is my gift and all.”

There wasn’t even a moment of hesitation as you slipped from his lap, table skidding back deftly in the process—you grab for the new pair of work boots but Joel is quickly grabbing your face again, squeezing your cheeks sharply.

“Undress first.” Joel says, waiting for your nod of acknowledgement before he lets you go.

So, you do—layer by layer until you reach your bra, unhooking it with nimble fingers as he slips on his new boots. If this were anyone else, you would feel ridiculous. But, with Joel, there was something there, brewing on the surface. He respected you, but he also needed you to understand.

It was a little humiliating, but it wasn’t the worst thing.

Your fingers edge along the hem of your underwear when Joel stops your hands, “Keep those on.” He utters, his fingers dragging softly against the front of the cotton material until he’s cupping your pussy in his palm, soft wet spot growing in the fabric where his fingertips drag across—you’re enjoying this, clearly.

You lower yourself slowly, straddling his left leg with your knees tucked against the bottom of the couch he sat on, pressing your cunt against the cold leather of his steel-toed boot.

Joel relaxes then, arms spread wide over the back of the couch, fingers gripping loosely into the cushion. “Don’t be shy, sweetheart.” Joel comforts, sensing your brimming nervousness as your fingers trailed along his calf, the hard press of his boot right against your core and if you tried hard enough, it wouldn’t take long at all—knowing that even just a little bit of encouragement from Joel and friction could have you coming undone. But, he wants you to work for it.

You start slow, a subtle grind of your hips that shouldn’t feel as good as it does. You sigh softly at the relief, noticing the slowly growing smirk on Joel’s face that you’re trying to avoid, eyes falling shut slowly as you tip your head back, allowing a slow rhythm to start.

“Feels good?” Joel wonders, “Like the idea of me carryin’ somethin’ of you around with me?”

In more ways than one—by a simple gift from the kindness of your heart, but also the desperation of the slick that damped your underwear and painted a perfect mess over his boot.

You nod quietly, moaning softly as you angle your hips to allow the drag of your clit over the solidness of the boot, friction sending your eyes rolling back in your head, hands fisting into the thick denim and selfishly using it for leverage as you quickened your pace. 

“That’s right, baby—want you to think about coming all over my boot for me,” Joel encourages, “can you do that?”

Truthfully, you were holding back. Seeing just how much you could get out of him.

But, Joel catches onto your game.

“You need a little encouragement?” Joel asks curiously, chin cupped in his strong grip, nodding obediently. “Think you deserve that, baby?”

“Please—please, Joel.” You beg, “Fuck—please, I’ll do—”

“Don’t say anything, darlin’.” He warns, “Not when you don’t know what that means for you.”

He keeps your eyes locked on his, squeezing your cheeks gently when you start to fade, the slowly building tingle in your core that wasn’t as easily ignorable now, coiled in your belly and ready to explode. You lose yourself for a brief second, hand fisting into the slack bunch of denim atop his thigh, earning a dull but stern slap to your cheek to bring your attention back to him.

“Eyes on me, baby,” Joel coos, fisting the hard line of his cock under the strained denim with his free hand, looking slightly pained at how much he was holding back himself, “look at you—always eager to please, huh?”

You roll your eyes slightly—and Joel really doesn’t like that. His hand cradling the base of your neck as he holds you still, body pulled just centimeters away from his boot, leaving your pussy throbbing with a lack of contact that your body craved.

“Now you just look a little pathetic, don’t you?” Joel asks, “All needy for my fuckin’ boot—got her beggin’ for it, don’t I?” And you know he’s not addressing you directly, rather the pool of your own slick, shiny wetness on the toe of his boot that gives you away.

 He nudges it against your clit gently, earning a soft whine as you hips instinctively seek for friction—Joel takes a slightly more firmer stance, head cradling both of his hands as he holds you prisoner in his gaze, two thick fingers slipping into your open mouth and grinning at how pathetically and greedily you suck on the digits without having to be told, removing them with a loud pop and a thin string of spit that connects you to him.

And if he was a stronger man, he could hold off. But, he’s so weak around you he can’t even hide it. He lets go in an instant, reaching for the front of his own jeans as he shoves them down his hips until he can manage to slip his cock out over his underwear, fisting himself in an instant.

Staving himself on patrols was torture when all he could think about was you—so he knows it won’t take much. Hell, he’s surprised with how long he’s been able to hold off now.

You admire with a haughty gaze, slowly resting back against the base of his boot, watching his free hand slip under his heavy sack, massaging as he jerks his fist without much rhythm, blinded by his own selfish need for release.

“Keep goin’,” He encourages through a tight breath, “but don’t fuckin’ come, darlin’.”

Your hole clenches and flutters around nothing, wishing that it was his cock stuffed inside of you rather than the plane of his boot pressed against your pussy, the thickness of his fingers alongside the girthiness of his cock a blatant reminder of how deeply you felt him in the mornings and even days after, always fucked so throughly it had you reeling and constantly crawling back for more.

He jerks himself selfishly, eyes falling shut as he feels himself dragging too close to the edge, your moans gaining in intensity, knowing how pathetic you would both look to anyone else. But, there was no one to judge you here—and Joel was beyond feeling the need to be assertive, rather just needing you, to be inside you and have you snug around him and crying on his cock.

Joel pulls you out of your daze hastily, manhandling you until you’re back is flat against the couch, quickly shoving his jeans down far enough that they don’t become a hindrance as he pulls your underwear aside and slips inside of you with a solid push of his hips, the slickness of your cunt allowing no resistance as you both groan at how good it feels, eyes connecting for a brief moment before everything goes black…or white. 

Joel isn’t sure what he sees, but it only takes a few minutes of some hurried and desperate pumps of his hips as his cock nudges that particular spot deep inside of you that has you clawing at the bare skin you could reach, leaving red marks on his neck as he snaps his hips with a finality, coming with a low groan that has your legs shaking, bent nearly in half as he still manages to see through his own haze and drag his fingers over your clit—it doesn’t take more than a couple seconds before you're there, spasming around his cock with a sob, gasping at his overstimulating touch as he continues to press and circle your clit until you’re begging him to stop, his hips slowly pumping his cum inside of you.

Joel finds himself laying slack against you, pants down at his ankles as he allows your fingers to thread through his grown out curls from where his head rests against your chest, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.

“I appreciate the boots,” He says after a while, “if that wasn’t already obvious.”

“Oh, I’m aware.” You giggle softly.

“Seriously, no more gifts, though.” Joel says sternly, “I mean it.”

You pout slightly and Joel catches it, his eyes flicking up to look at you.

“I’m makin’ no promises to that.” You tell him truthfully.

Joel chuckles softly, “Can’t say I expected you to, either.”

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #joel miller x fem!reader #my writing #pedrostories

[charlies-diary-entries]

Hello love! I absolutely adore your writing, I was wondering if maybe you could do a poly!mauraders x reader where maybe the reader got injured somehow (maybe quditch?) and the mauraders are like all worried and stuff? Totally fine if you don’t want to do it, I just got injured at my competition and I’m feeling sorry for myself 😂

baby i feel your self-pity, i hate getting benched from injuries!! it's the total worst and i hope you heal quickly, but in the mean time here's something special! it turned more into an independent reader struggling with being worried over, but i hope you enjoy darling. <3

CW: injuries, but thats about it <3

The sound of the students in the stands could only be described as a frightening roar during the match. Through some drizzling rain, Gryffindors and Slytherins had poured out of their common rooms by the dozens to witness the match, which had become increasingly intense.

Foul plays from Slytherins, attempts at similar plays from Gryffindor (which James shut down immediately with a reprimanding and a few threats of what practice would become should such poor sportsmanship continue). You had dodged more ill-aimed bludgers than you could count, and as the wind picked up and the rain got heavier, it was all you could do to stay on your broom.

And at some point, even that became unmanageable.

You could have sworn you'd just blinked and suddenly the noise in your ears increased ten-fold, deafening you, and there were these horrible stars in your eyes.

Then you were on the ground, and there were lots and lots of people around you, and you couldn't really see right, and-

"Shit, shit, shit, love! Shit!"

Was that James?

"What happened? What the fuck happened? Was this one of the snakes, because I swear to fuck-"

Sirius?

They kept shouting, until someone else (a professor?) was shouting at them to quiet down. A lot of movement, fuzzy, dizzying movement, then someone was picking you up and suddenly falling asleep felt like a very, very nice idea.

"No, no, no dove, stay up for us, yeah? I don't- Maybe falling asleep isn't a good idea okay?"

Ah, so Remus was carrying you. You tried to lift a hand to your eyes, to hide from the light, or hide from Remus, or something, but you could barely feel your hand. Scratch that, your entire arm felt like it'd been pulled clean off.

Tears began to slip down your cheeks because fuck, now that you thought about it, your head really, really hurt. Your whole body was burning in pain.

"Oh, don't cry dovey, please, don't cry, Madame Pomfrey'll fix you up so quick, you won't even know..."

You lost the rest of his sentence as you began to drift away. Not that you really wanted to, it just felt much, much easier than staying awake...

All that was what had landed you here, benched at Quidditch with a pair of sunglasses on, a nasty cast around your left arm, and what your boys had deemed a permanent frown that worsened by the minute.

You had woken from the concussion very early the next morning to find an extremely frantic Sirius at the foot of your bed. He kissed you and talked while Remus and James were both still asleep, holding hands as they sat by your bed. Apparently, Sirius couldn't sleep he was so worried about you.

(The conversation didn't get much further than that as Pomfrey entered and began to shoo off the boys. Poor Remus and James only got to give you quick "I Love You's" before being firmly ushered out.)

You had been on bed rest the entire day, Pomfrey also dealing with a freak accident from a first-year potions class. Several children with boils and fevers and a need for so much attention that Pomfrey could not spend time brewing fresh Skele-Gro for you, hence, the traditionally muggle healing methods on your arm. Her potion for your concussion was helping you heal faster, but damn did it make every light blinding.

James had determined you banned from Quidditch practice until you were fully healed. While you understood his reasoning, it did not mean you had to be happy about being benched.

"Lighten up please, darling, glaring at them isn't going to make your head better."

You turned to glower at Remus instead, who sat to your right and handed you a cauldron cake. He smiled brightly and bumped your shoulder before kissing your forehead. Your frown deepened immensely.

"Maybe so, but it's certainly making me feel better knowing they know how much I hate this."

"Am I really such horrid company?" Remus said, a cheeky grin on his face. You rolled your eyes (which definitely did not hurt your head) and turned back to watch James and Sirius fly about in the air. You leaned your head on his shoulder and shut your eyes.

"No," You began, "I just wish I could be up there."

Remus's grin dropped and he placed a kiss to your temple before leaning his head against yours.

"I know dove."

You watched them continue their drills in silence and you had begun to eat your treat when Remus spoke up again.

"Though, it is nice to have you for company. I finally have someone else to ogle the boys with."

At this you snorted, looking up again to follow James and Sirius in the air.

"Yeah, they are pretty hot when they do their thing, huh?"

"Very. Very hot."

"Please, Sirius, my arm's fine now, I can carry my own bags-"

"Not if I have anything to say about it."

Sirius held your books out of your reach with a grin and you huffed, crossing your arms as you both walked to potions. None of the boys had let you carry anything the past week, which was sweet and very gentlemanly of them, but quickly beginning to bother you. Especially as Pomfrey had had you up in the Medical Wing very quickly, choking down Skele-Gro so your arm could heal. Was your arm a tad weaker than normal? Yes! Did it make you a helpless doll? Absolutely not!

"I'm completely serious-"

"No, I am!"

"Siri!" You tried to glare at him, snatching at your bag which he expertly kept to himself. "I can carry my own books, really, I'm fine."

"Hmm..." Sirius stopped cold and began to study you, inspecting you from head to toe. He stepped closer, grabbing your chin, which in turn made you gasp a little bit and lose some of your bravado. He tilted your head each way before grabbing your freshly healed arm and staring it down. You went to interrupt when he slipped your hand into his own and began pulling you along.

"Since you want to hold something so bad, you get me until we say you're alright."

You scoffed as an awful grin grew on his face.

"This is ridiculous. It's almost been a week and still."

"Still what, dove?" A new voice popped up, and James sidled up beside the two of you, taking your other hand.

Your face warmed a little bit as he leaned over to place a kiss on your cheek, but you rolled your eyes and powered on.

"Still you're all coddling me. I mean, you have to let me back on my broom someday, James. Can't keep me benched forever."

At this he frowned, growing a little more serious. "Darling, you need rest to heal. You still need those glasses outside and I'd rather play it safe with you. Don't want you mucking up a solid week of getting better just cause you couldn't wait to be back on a broom. It'd make me a bad captain to let you do that, and an even worse boyfriend."

Again, you grumbled, trying to accept their caring as simply that; caring. He placed another kiss on your cheek and swung your hands back and forth as Sirius spoke up again.

"We don't get many chances to worry over you like this darling, let us baby you just this once? Pretty please?"

He flashed you horrid puppy-eyes as James squeezed your hand again. You rolled your eyes, feeling warmth spread throughout your cheeks and neck.

"Just- let's get to potions. Please."

Both boys grinned and began chattering away as you walked. Would it be so horrible to let them treat you for a while?

Yes. Yes, it would.

Because it would seem, after nearly two weeks of resting and healing spent half in your bed and entirely in the arms of your boyfriends, they still were unwilling to let you return to practice fully.

This thought irked you horribly as you sat, hovering on your broom like a first-year, doing slow laps around the quidditch field no more than a meter off the ground. You picked up your pace a little bit, beginning to feel a bit of wind on your face as you thought of how badly you wanted to be doing more.

"Oi, quit it."

The glare you sent James's way was burning with simmering frustration. You proceeded to stick your tongue out at him and cross your arms, as childish as it felt.

He merely frowned in response, turning to watch the rest of the team drilling catching and dodging with some quaffles. Even if he wanted to place all his attention on you, it would've been entirely unfair to the rest of the team. Sirius was also distracted, i.e., finding a little too much fun in their game of dodgeball. (He'd nearly given a keeper a black eye.) Remus was not there to watch today, instead spending his time studying for an upcoming exam.

With all eyes turned away from you, and this endless itch to actually, finally do something, slipping away was a very easy thing to do.

As you began to fly around the grounds of Hogwarts, shooting up into the sky and diving back down to pick up even more speed, you could've sworn the wind wasn't just whistling in your ears. It was whispering to you that slipping away was the right thing.

You whooped and hollered and laughed as you chased your way around the towers and over the Black Lake. You dared to let your hand fall and scrape the inky dark surface of the water, and the resulting splash endlessly delighted you. Eventually, you decided to settle your little escape under a tree by the shore.

A few pants escaped you as your lungs caught up with all you had just done. After, you'd relaxed for maybe another twenty minutes and it felt like nothing could wipe the smile off your face.

"Jesus, dove, there you are."

Alright, maybe nothing.

You turned to find Sirius landing his broom and jogging over to you, and your face slowly began to drop. He dropped to his knees next to you and gave you a cursory glance, and when he was happy with the state of you, relaxed against the tree as well.

The two of you sat in silence for a minute before you managed to speak up.

"I'm not sorry or anything. By the way. And I-" You glanced over to Sirius, before staring forward and plowing on, "I've appreciated you all caring and coddling me but I'm better and I'm sick of being sidelined and babied and- and-"

You looked at Sirius again to find him smiling at you, completely in love. There was so much care in his eyes that it caused you to stumble over your words and past your point completely.

"And... yeah."

Sirius only continued to smile at you. He then sighed a little and wrapped an arm around your waist to tug you into him.

"Sorry we've been babying you, gorgeous." He paired this with a kiss pressed to your temple. "We're just nervous about making sure you're okay."

"I'm okay. Believe me, I am okay now."

"I believe you, love."

"Good."

You relaxed against him and soaked up the day together. There were birds singing in the distance and a light breeze dancing across the grass. It felt peaceful. You turned your gaze to Sirius and pressed a loving kiss to his cheek.

"I do mean it, I appreciate you all worrying about me. Even if you don't need to so much anymore."

"Not a problem dovey," He grinned, still looking out across the lake before he turned to return your kiss. "It's our job as boyfriends. And now, our job is to convince James you're well enough to do more than float an inch off the ground."

A snort escaped you as you laughed at that, sighing and hiding your face against his shoulder.

"He's gonna give me so much shit for skipping out on practice, floating or not."

"I'm sure it won't be all that bad."

Sirius now smirked down at you, unable to resist pressing yet another kiss to your cheek.

"He's completely smitten with you after all. We all are."

oh my god this is a million years late babes, i'm so sorry. between finals and dorm moveout i've been completely swamped. i'm planning on getting back into the fanfiction grind though, so you have plenty to look forward to coming up darling!! all the best!!!! <3

#poly!marauders x you #marauders x reader #poly!marauders x reader #marauders reader insert #james potter x reader #remus lupin x reader #sirius black x reader #wolfstar x reader

[mattitties]

Boyfriend, pt 2 - matt sturniolo

you guys asked, so i delivered (hopefully)

part 1 here

I left the party last night feeling on top of the world. I recounted everything to my best friend the second Matt had left and she came back to me.

“I came back from the bathroom and saw you guys totally hitting it off, so I just stood back and watched. I thought he was about to bend you over the bar and fuck you right there,” she told me. 

It’s now the next morning and I’m trying to distract myself and not think about the fact that he hasn’t texted me yet. It’s only 10 AM, so I really shouldn’t be worried, but as someone who doesn’t talk to boys literally ever, I am naturally very worried. 

As the hours pass and it’s now 2 PM, I go into my roommate’s room. “Why hasn’t he texted me? Do you think he was just fucking with me? What if I didn’t give him the right number and he’s now texting some other hotter bitch instead of me? What if I was-” I start to ramble before she cuts me off.

“Oh my god, shut up! It’s been like 14 hours, chill out! He’s gonna text you, and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t. We don’t know anything about him, he could be sleeping still or he could be having a busy day. Take a Xanax or something, good gracious,” she tells me, finishing just as my phone vibrates.

I check it absentmindedly, fully expecting it to be my mom or a spam text, but instead I see an unknown number.

Hey it’s Matt, just wanted to see when your free to hang out?

I let out a shriek and show my roommate my screen.

“Fucking told you!” she says excitedly before her face changes. “Oh boy, he’s one of the fuckers who doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re. You gotta fix that.”

“Oh for sure,” I say, starting to type in my phone.

hey :) i’m free tonight or tmr if either of those work

Tonight is good, I can pick you up around 6 and we can get dinner. How does Boa sound?

“Oh my god. He wants to take me to Boa,” I tell my roommate. I’m just about on the verge of vomiting everywhere.

“Oh fuck yeah! Mr. Moneybags over here!” she cheers.

that sounds great!

Sick, whats your addy so I know where to pick up my gf ;)

I give him my address, turn off my phone, and immediately go to my room to take an everything shower and get ready.

I’m finishing up my hair at 5:30 when I get another text: Leaving now, be there in 15 min. I made reservation for 6

I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I was so confident around him last night, but now I feel like a completely different person. I’m terrified I’m gonna be an awkward mess when I get in the car and he’s gonna wonder what happened to the girl he met last night and I won’t even be able to eat I’m so nervous and–

Nope, I’m not worrying anymore. It’s gonna be fine. I triple check everything to make sure I look good, and finally he texts that he’s here.

I grab my bag, go downstairs, and open the front door to our apartment complex, where I’m met with a very familiar face standing next to it. He’s wearing a black short sleeve collared shirt, blue jeans, and a black baseball cap he put on backwards. Man, he looks good as fuck. 

He looks up when he sees me and smiles. “Hi,” he says. “Car’s right there. I was going to come in but then I saw I had to be buzzed into the building and I didn’t know which apartment was yours, so…” It seems that his confidence from last night has lessened quite a bit as well, as now he’s just awkwardly rambling. I find it adorable.

I shake my head and smile. “You’re fine, this is perfect.” I follow his lead to his car, and am surprised when he opens the passenger door for me. “Thank you,” I say as I get in, and he shoots me another quick smile before closing the door and going to the driver’s side. 

“So Boa, huh? You really are trying to show off your YouTube bucks,” I joke.

“Me and my brothers go there a lot, it’s not really that expensive,” he says. 

“Speak for yourself! I was looking at the menu and almost had an aneurysm at the prices!”

He laughs and glances at me. “Well lucky for you, you’re not the one paying, are you?”

We continue our banter for a few minutes before there’s a lull in the conversation. “Do you wanna put some music on? Here’s the aux cord,” he tells me, pulling out a cord.

“Oh,” I say, immediately regretting all my life choices. I am historically NEVER on aux in any situation because my music taste is comprised of Taylor Swift, dad rock, and depressing music. “Um… you may not like my music. We can just play whatever you like.”

He looks at me wearing a tiny frown. “What! You’re the passenger, you get aux. Whatever you play will be fine.”

I sigh dramatically as I plug my phone in and queue Taylor. “Okay, but if you don’t like it, just remember I gave you a chance to say no.” He nods. I watch his face to gauge his reaction as “The Story of Us” starts to play, and I roll my lips into my mouth to hide my laughter when he recognizes the voice. 

“Yayyyy,” he says sarcastically. “I love Taylor Swift…”

The rest of the drive consists of me explaining to him that if he was willing to give her music a try, he would definitely enjoy her music. I was fully expecting him to laugh it off and come back with some smart ass comment about her as nearly every other man does, but he seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying. “You’re right,” he told me. “Maybe we can listen together and you can show me more of her stuff!”

I think I fell in love right there.

When we arrive at Boa, the man nearly eats shit rushing around to open the passenger door for me, and walks slightly ahead of me to get the door for the restaurant. Neither of us have any ounce of the same flirty energy we had last night, but there’s no awkwardness at all. I still can’t believe this is happening. The hottest guy I’ve ever seen, he’s a perfect gentleman, we have so much in common, and he’s actually into me? It seems far too good to be true.

“So,” I say when we get seated, “what exactly made you feel the need to come up to me last night? Did I really look that uncomfortable?”

“Oh, you looked like you were about ready to sink into the floor. I mean, in all honesty, I was kind of eyeing you all night but I didn’t have the courage to come up to you, so I guess I sort of used that as an excuse to do something. Plus saving you from creepy guy and all,” he replies.

“Well, thank you, no matter what your reasoning was.” I look around the restaurant. I feel so out of place, it’s disgusting. I’ve only lived in LA for a couple months, so I still feel like I don’t belong, especially when I end up in the same restaurants that people get papped outside of. But somehow, even in a place like this, I feel oddly safe and at peace with a man that I met not even 24 hours prior. 

I’ve never been much of a great conversationalist; if I’m in a one on one conversation, the other person needs to be a rambler for it to not be awkward. But he’s not a rambler, and we both are just so invested in what the other person is saying that it’s somehow a never ending conversation. We have so much in common – our love for movies, Legos, journaling, us both attempting to get back into reading after going so long without it – I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. It’s so refreshing, and it’s terrifying. I know I’m going to fall for him fast. I may be already, but I can’t be. We just met. 

He pulls me out of my trance by repeating his question. “You ready to go?”

“What? Oh, yeah, sorry. Um, thanks for paying,” I smile as I get up. 

“Of course! What kind of a man would I be if I didn’t pay on our first date?” he jokes. 

“Ohhh, our first date? Does that imply there’ll be a second?” I ask as I get in the car.

“Would you like there to be a second?” 

“I mean I guess…” I smirk at him. We’re both looking at each other, smiling ever so slightly. I want nothing more than to kiss him right now, and I’m 99% sure he wants the same based on the way his eyes are shifting focus from my eyes to my lips. I’m about to lean in when –

“I should get you home.”

Oh. I nod. “Yeah… yeah, probably.” I sit back in my seat.

He turns on the car and Taylor Swift blasts through the speakers. “JESUS–” he yells, turning the volume down as we both start laughing. “I know I said you could show me her stuff but let’s take it down a notch, god damn!”

We don’t talk at all during the drive home, but it’s nice. Just the music in the background, and subtle glances between us every so often. When we pull up in front of my apartment complex, he parks the car and turns it off, then starts to get out.

“You don’t need to get out, it’s okay,” I tell him.

“Well I have to make sure you get into your apartment safe, don’t I?” Again, what a gentleman. I didn’t even think people like him existed anymore. I smile to myself and lead the way, taking him up to the 4th floor and down the hall to my door. “I guess this is where I leave you?” he asks.

“Unfortunately, this is where you leave me.” I’m looking up at him, he’s looking down at me. I can tell he wants to say something, and I hope it’s what I think it is.

He opens his mouth, takes a sharp inhale. “Can I kiss you?”

Bingo. I smile and nod, holding his jaw lightly in my hand. He takes my waist with one hand and the back of my head with the other, and our lips collide softly in a matter of seconds. I haven’t kissed many guys, but they’ve always felt just a little off and I never knew why. But this? This feels right. It’s gentle, but our tongues slip into each other's mouths as the kiss grows deeper. I know I need to stop this here, as much as I don’t want to. I give in for a few more seconds before I pull back. 

“I, um… I need to go inside,” I tell him, completely unable to wipe the smile off my face.

“Okay,” he says, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’ll text you, because yes, there definitely will be a second date.”

“Good.” I kiss him one last time before I unlock my door. “Goodnight, Matt.”

“Goodnight.”

———————————————————————

i probably won’t do a part 3 because idk how to keep it interesting from here but if you have other fic requests lmk and i’ll do my best 😚

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo

[lovingmattysposts]

Best Friend’s Brother 10

P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12

summary: you just moved into the sturniolo’s home after some family issues and you’re starting to become attracted to your best friend’s brother and you hated yourself for it. But how could you resist?

warnings: there is a scene where a guy tries to come onto y/n, but it is not in descriptive detail there is no sexual indication in the scene he just trying to kiss her, alcohol, cursing, sad, angst

the long awaited bfb 10....this one is a long one so here you go my loves

xoxo, autumn

chris pov

I felt like absolute shit. I’m a horrible person. A horrible selfish person. All my life I’ve allowed myself to pull away from my wants, her. And it worked. It’s worked for the last four years.

One slip up and now I’ve got bloody hands and no one gets what they want. Even caving into my selfish wants, I didn’t think about how it would effect her. Until it was too late.

She probably thinks the worst of me. I would tell her that I loved her too, but she didn’t deserve that. It would rip her apart. She didn’t understand, how could she?

What was I suppose to say? I’ve been dreaming about the night we had when I kissed you for the past four years? She would look at my like I was crazy.

It was better this way. It was better that she didn’t know. I would die with the secret that I loved her too, even if it ate me alive. She wouldn’t understand. She wouldn’t understand if I had admitted that I love her too. She would question me. She wouldn’t understand that I loved her so much that I let her go.

Love was suppose to be the most powerful thing in the word. Nothing else was suppose to matter if you had love. But this was far from the truth. Love meant sacrifice. Sacrificing my wants for what she needed. She didn’t need me. I knew she didn’t need me.

I suck. I’m nothing special. I’m afraid if I tried I would fail and she would end up with no one. I’m not good at acting on love. Hell, I wasn’t even good at feeling it.

I slipped up. I got selfish. This was me redeeming myself. She just didn’t know it. She would get over me. She would fall in love and she would forget about that boy who broke her heart on the roof.

Even if I never will.

I’ve been staying at Elmer's house for a few days now. I didn’t want to see her. I never wanted to go back to that house. I was scared. I was scared to face her. I was scared I would take it all back. I was scared I would tell her how long I’ve loved her.

That I would fall to my knees begging her to pick me and that I would never hurt her ever again. But I didn’t know that. I would try, but love was never promised.

She could change her mind.

After this I’m not sure she would even take me back. But I wasn’t going to do that to Nick, and she wasn't either no matter if she thought she wanted to.

Her heart was too big for her body. I wished I could explain it to her, but I couldn’t.

I felt my phone buzz. I picked it up looking down at the notification.

mia

now where have you been hiding? :) miss u big

I sighed and turned my phone off. The last thing I needed was to be in contact with her again. Elmer walked in making me look up.

“Alright spill it, why have you been hiding out here?” He sighed sitting down next to be. I closed my eyes and sighed. “I’m not hiding” I mumbled. He raised his eyebrows.

“Really?” He asked blinking at me. I just looked at him. “Did your brothers do something?” He asked. I shook my head. He raised his eyebrows and shook his head smiling.

“It’s a girl isn’t it? The one staying with you?” He asked looking at me making me look off to the side. He sighed. “What’d you do?” He asked. I shrugged.

“I don’t know. I fucked up I think” I sighed looking at him. “Then fix it” He shrugged. I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that simple” I stated looking at him. He smiled and nodded. “It never is” He stated. I bit my lip and looked to the side.

-

I walked into the house quietly before walking into the kitchen seeing my mom standing over the stove. She turned at the sound of me walking. "Hey sweetie. How was Elmer's?" She asked turning to look at me. I let out a breath. "Good" I nodded looking down. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"There's something going on isn't there?" She asked looking at me. I looked up at her. "What?" I asked suddenly. She sighed walking over to me. "You think I don't know you? You are my son. I always know when something's wrong" She stated raising her eyebrows at me.

I bit my lip looking off the side. "There's nothing going on" I stated looking at her. She pursed her lips looking at me. She glanced towards the stairs. "Is it something to do with our new guest?" She asked smiling. I let out a breath and looked down.

"You're scared of Nick aren't you?" She asked. I looked up at her. "Okay, that was creepy" I said looking at her, making her smile. "A mother always knows" She said tilting her head at me. I shook my head.

"It's nothing to worry about Mom, It's nothing anymore" I sighed as I walked over to the fridge. She hummed following me. "You're good at hiding your emotions Chris, just don't let that fact kill you" She said rubbing her hand over my back and then walking out of the kitchen.

I sighed as I leaned against the fridge. I wish I could express my emotions as easily as Nick or Matt, but It was hard. I was so scared to get hurt. So badly, that I hurt the one person I cared about in the process.

-

y/n pov

"Oh, will you go grab a pack of Pepsi? Chris just drank the last one" Nick said rolling his eyes. I felt my chest spike at the name, but I didn't let it show. I never did. I smiled all day long with Nick, laughing pretending everything was normal, then at night I would retreat into my room and cry and cry and cry.

Is it stupid? We weren't even together. It was like a small taste of glory and that was it. The small taste of what love was suppose to feel like and then reality hit and slapped you in the face. It's so weird to think you know someone or think you know how they feel and then to know you just imagined it all.

He hasn't been home these past few days. I think he's hiding from me, which I honestly appreciated. I'm not sure what I was going to do when I saw his face again.

Even his name mad me sick to my stomach.

"Y/n? Did you hear me?" He asked catching my attention. I looked up to see him smiling at me. "Pepsi right" I said shaking my head. "Go please so we can check out" He said shaking his head. I smiled and shook my head as I turned and walked out of the aisle.

I tried to shake the thoughts out of my mind as my eyes scanned the sodas. Don't think about Chris. Don't think about Chris. I spotted the Pepsi.

Chris.

My eyes started to water as I pulled out the pack and held it. I swallowed and pushed back the tears. I never wanted to look at a damn Pepsi can ever again.

I turned to walk out of the aisle to get rid of this out of my hand before I had a meltdown but I paused, seeing a famailar face.

"Mom?"

She turned and looked at me. She smiled walking back over to me. I stood frozen. "Hello" She sighed crossing her arms over her chest. I swallowed as I looked at her. The last time I saw her I told her I wasn't her daughter anymore.

"Glad to see you're alive" She said looking at me and raising an eyebrow. I clenched my jaw and looked to the side, attempting to adjust my grip of the pack of Pepsi.

"I thought I wasn't your mother anymore" She said looking at me. I blinked up at her. "You never acted like one in the first place" I mumbled looking at her. She rolled her eyes.

"So you've got a boyfriend now?" She asked raising her eyebrow. I furrowed my eyebrows looking up at her. "What are you talking about?" I asked shaking my head. She sighed as she shifted on her feet.

"The boy that came storming in my house and packed all of your things wasn't your boyfriend?" She asked shaking her head. My face dropped. Chris. She was talking about Chris. When he went to my house and got my things. My books. He went face to face with my mother just to get my things. My heart clenched.

"Chris?" I asked. She shrugged. "Is that his name?" She asked. I looked to the side clenching my jaw. "We're not together" I mumbled. She sighed. "Shame. He's cute" She said smiling at me. I glared at her for talking about him.

"Reminds me of your father when he was his age" She said making my grip the soda harder. "Chris is nothing like my father" I said through clenched teeth. She rolled her eyes. "From the way he stormed into the house, I didn't see much difference" She said glaring at me. I dropped the soda walking up to her.

"Don't speak about him like that. He's kind, he would never hurt me" I spat in her face. She raised her eyebrows, unfazed by my approach on her. "So defensive" She breathed. "Makes me think he already has" She said blankly. I swallowed feeling tears come to my eyes.

"I don't have time for this" I huffed stepping back and picking up the soda harshly. "He came back" She said making me stop. I turned back to her. "Your father. He's back" She swallowed looking at me. I bit my lip as I looked at her feeling chills run up my spine. Fighting the urge to ask her if she was okay.

"I don't care" I whispered before turning and walking back toward Nick, trying to shake the conversation that just happened. Nick looked up at me. "Where have you been? Did you get lost?" He joked smiling at me. I turned looking back but seeing no sign of my mother.

"No, I'm fine" I said looking back at him smiling attempting to shake all feeling and emotion of knowing my father was back in town.

-

"So when do I get to meet Holton?" I asked peering over his phone. He pulled his phone to his chest, looking over at me. "Soon" He stated going back to his texts. I rolled my eyes. "I'm starting to think he's not real" I rolled my eyes leaning back against his headboard. He rolled his eyes.

"Oh he's real alright" He smiled. I cringed and pushed him. "Dude, gross" Matt said from across from us, making me laugh. He set his phone down turning it off and turning towards me, smiling. "You really like him" I stated looking at his face. He smiled and looked down.

"Yeah" He breathed. "I thought it would be scary, but it's not" He shook his head. I just watched him as he spoke. "like being in love? It's pretty cool you know?" He smiled up at me. I swallowed and looked down.

"Well I guess you don't, but still you can imagine" He smiled placing his hand on my knee. I smiled softly up at him and nodded looking over at Matt who was now tuned out of the conversation.

"Yeah I can imagine" I said softly. He sighed leaning back and turning on his TV. I leaned back crossing my arms over my chest trying not to let his words effect me.

Suddenly I heard the door open making my heart drop, because I knew before I looked up who it was going to be. He peeked his light brown hair through the door and peered in making Matt and Nick look up. I stared down at my lap, not even letting myself look up at him. I was too scared.

"Hey" Matt said looking up from his phone. I felt Chris look over at me, but I stayed looking at my lap. "Hey, I'm going out. Don't wait up" Chris mumbled. I picked at my nails as a million thoughts ran through my head. Where was he going? Why was he going out? Who was he going with?

"Oh yeah, you're going to that party with Mia right?" Matt said looking up at him. I physcially felt my heart sink into my chest, feeling my emotions rush through me all the way to my fingertips. Like a wave of sadness rushing through me. I looked up catching Chris's eyes. I bit my lip and looked away, pretending it didn't effect me, but I had to forced the tears out of my eyes.

"Yeah I-" He paused. I didn't look up, but I felt my eyes start to sting. Already? He's moved on already? It hasn't even been a week and he was already going out with her? I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

"I won't be long" He mumbled. I took in a breath. I was strong, but I didn't know If I was this strong. "Okay" Nick said looking up at him. Chris looked over at me one last time before sighing and closing the door.

And that was it.

He was gone.

In more ways than one.

There was someone else already. And I told him I loved him. I was heartbroken and he was going out with someone else. I swallowed. Don't think about it. Don't break. Not in front of Nick.

"Hey, can you go get some waters please?" Nick asked after a few seconds looking over at me. I looked over at him. "Seriously?" I asked. He pouted and looked over at me. I sighed before standing up off the bed. "You're the best friend everrr" He sang as I walked toward his door. I turned and looked at him shaking my head. "I know" I laughed as I closed the door.

The hallway was dark and quiet. I swallowed the all familar fear of maybe seeing or running into Chris being in the front of my head. But he wasn't even here. He was already gone. I didn't know where he went, it's not like he would tell me. I tried not to care, I really tried but it's all I could think about.

I started to walk down the hallway, glancing by his door picturing the scene of us kissing agaisnt the wall feeling my stomach clench. His lips were so soft. His eyes were so blue. Best of all he was him. We were together. I shook my head shaking the imagine from my head as I walked down the stairs.

I sighed as I walked into the kitchen, freezing in place seeing Chris standing leaning against the counter scrolling through his phone. He looked up at me before freezing as well. Silence between us. Just looking at each other. I thought he'd be gone by now.

"Sorry, I was just getting some waters" My voice cracked as I walked up to the fridge, he just watched me. I let out a breath as I stared into the fridge, but I couldn't focus knowing his eyes were on me.

My hands shook as I reached for the waters, begging my emotions to stay deep in my chest. I looked up at him, he just looked at me. I closed the fridge looking at him. "So" I breathed looking down. "Where have you been?" I said quietly looking at him. He bit his lip as he looked at me.

"Elmer's" He stated. I nodded looking down. "How have you been?" He swallowed looking at me. I looked down at the waters, as if they were the most interesting thing in the room. "Good" I lied, and I felt the lie so deep in my chest it hurt me to say it. He let out a breath.

"That's good" He breathed. I looked up at him. He glanced at me. "How are you?" I asked hesitantly. He nodded and looked down. "Yeah, good" He whispered. I swallowed. This was hard. Is this how it was always going to be? So painful?

"Thought you had a party to go to" I swallowed looking at him. He looked at me letting out a breath. "I was about to leave" He nodded. I nodded looking at the ground. "So Mia-" I sighed, I couldn't help myself.

"It's not like that. She just needed someone to go with" He said shaking his head. I looked up at him nodding softly. I swallowed looking down at my feet.

"I saw my mom today" I blurted out making him look up at me with a concerned face. "You did? Where?" He asked stepping towards me. I just watched him. "The grocery store" I whispered. He looked down at me. "She said my dad was back" I swallowed. His face dropped.

"A-Are you okay? What else did she say?" He asked suddenly. I licked my lips and looked to the side. I felt his eyes on me burning into me. I sighed and looked down.

"She asked about my boyfriend" I mumbled and looked up at him. His eyes studied mine, confusion on his face. "The one who got all my stuff from her house" I said looking at him. He sighed and looked down. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt tears in my eyes.

"I can't go back there Chris" I whispered shaking my head. "I'm so scared that he knows where I am" My voice broke. "I can't see him again I-" I cried. I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me into his chest. "It's okay y/n, you don't have to go back there." He whispered against the top of my head as I shook against him.

I let out a hard breath, leaning back and wiping my eyes. he placed his hand on my face wiping my tears before pausing and pulling his hand back. I sighed and looked away from him.

"Why did you do this to me Chris?" I whispered looking away from him. He stayed silent next to me. I glanced over at him. "You broke my heart" I whispered shaking my head. He clenched his jaw and looked to the side.

"Did you even like me?" I cried shaking my head. "Was it worth it?" I asked as he looked over at me. "What was the point?" I said loudly shaking my head. He just stared at me.

"Was it just a game to see if i'd fall for it?" I asked unable to control the words coming out of my chest. "Y/n" He sighed. "No i get it" I shook my hands stepping back from him.

"I don't get a happy ending. I get that. I've known that for a long time" I stated looking at him. "The only part that's fucked up Chris, is that you knew that" I shook my head. "I told you everything with my family and you listened" I said clenching my jaw.

"If it was some game then why did you let me talk to you about that? Did you even care?" I cried shaking my head. He stepped towards me. "Of course I cared" He said looking down at me.

"You don't" I shook my head. "You never did" I swallowed. He just looked sadly at me as I stood in front of him, biting my lip. "Chris why did you let me fall in love with you if you knew you were going to take it all away?" I asked shaking my head pleading for answers. He looked down.

"You don't love me" He whispered. I sighed stepping forwards. "Yes I do. Chris I love you" I stated shaking my head. He looked up at me with an expression I couldn't read.

"You what?"

I froze. Chris froze. My eyes went wide as I looked at Chris. He looked behind me, all color draining from his face. I turned and saw Nick standing there staring at us with a confused expression on his face. I felt my heart start to beat out of my chest as I stared at my best friend.

No. No. No. No.

"Nick" I stepped towards him. He stepped back looking between us. I swallowed as he looked over at Chris. "Chris?" Nick whispered. Chris stood frozen. "Nick, I can explain. I'll explain everything just--" I started to say but he just shook his head stepping back.

"Oh my god" He breathed looking down before turning and walking out. Tears poured out of my eyes. "Nick please wait--" I cried but I felt my arm being pulled back. I turned and saw Chris shaking his head.

"Wait y/n" He said. I pulled my arm away from him. "Don't" I swallowed. "Don't touch me" I said shaking my head as I turned and followed Nick outside. I pushed the door open.

"Y/n don't" He stated warningly as he walked down the driveway. "Nick, please just let me explain" I cried as I walked up to him. He shook his head and didn't look at me as he unlocked his car.

"Nick please. It's not what it looks like" I shook my head. He glared over at me. "Really? Because it looks like you were just telling my brother you were in love with him" He spat looking over at me. My lip quivered as I looked at my best friend who looked at me like I was a stranger.

"Please" I whispered. He clenched his jaw. "So what? Were you just using me to get close to Chris?" He asked looking away from him. I shook my head. "What? No Nick. No, you are the most important person in my life. Please just listen to me" I said quickly. He looked down at me.

"I was not using you, you have to believe me. It just happened" I breathed looking at him. "I don't believe anything you say and I never will again" He breathed before opening the car door and closing it. I just watched him, tears streaming down my face as he pulled out of the driveway.

I swallowed turning back towards the house seeing Chris standing in the doorway. He looked down at me, worry plastered all over his face. I just shook my head and looked away from him as a sob escaped my throat. I pushed past him and ran up the stairs, hearing no footsteps following me as I slammed my door and pressed my back against it.

I covered my mouth to cover the noise of my sobs as I fell against the door sliding down it, as the tears poured out of eyes. I shook my head. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. Please let this be a dream. I cried against my hand, the muffled noise of my cries the only thing echoing through the room.

I tried to breathe but I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I lost both of them. I was completely and utterly alone.

-

I don't know how I got here. My feet just led me here. It wasn't hard to find the address. Just one text message now I stood outside of a loud house party. I tilted my head. I stopped crying on my way here. Now I was just numb. Coming into an acceptance of my fate and what I did to get me to this point.

Now I was just here. Looking at all of the people standing outside of the house. Laughing. Smiling. Happy. I swallowed. I could be like them. I could try. Hell, I had nothing left. I could try.

I looked down at my feet and I thought about everywhere I had gone. Everything I had experienced. They say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Maybe that was true. But if I never loved him, I would still be happy. I would still have my best friend.

So maybe that was all bullshit.

"You just gonna stand there or you walking in?" A guy said walking beside me. I looked up at him. He stopped and smiled at me. His hair was longer, kind of like Chris. But it wasn't Chris. It was just some other kid. I swallowed.

"I haven't decided yet" I stated wrapping my arms around myself. He smiled and shook my head. "Do I know you?" He asked tilting his head at me. I shrugged. "I don't think so" I stated. He smiled and nodded towards the party.

"So I take it you weren't invited?" He asked looking at the house. "What?" I asked looking at him. "This is my house" He said shrugging chuckling slightly. I looked at the house and then towards the boy. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know" I mumbled looking down at my feet. He shook his head stepping towards me.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You can come in if you want" He stated looking at me. I swallowed turning towards the house. The loud music. It was all overwhelming. Maybe this was a bad idea. I should just go home.

But I didn't know if Nick had gone back yet, or if he wanted to see me yet. That scared me more than the party.

I turned back to him. "You left your own house party?" I asked looking back at him. He smiled holding up a black bag. "Just to get more alcohol" He stated looking at the bag. I looked over the bag. "Alcohol?" I asked as I stared at the bag. He moved the bag back down to his side, chuckling slightly.

"Are you from here?" He asked. I nodded. "I went to Somerville" I stated looking at him. He nodded. "So you aren't from space" He stated making me furrow my eyebrows. "What?" I asked staring at him. He smiled pulling out a bottle.

"You looked at the alcohol like you didn't know what it was" He stated looking at me. I let out a breath. "Yeah, no I know what it is" I nodded swallowing. He smiled.

"I'm Paxton" He said holding out a hand. I looked down at him before shaking it loosely. "Y/n" I stated. He smiled and nodded. "Will you please come into my party y/n?" He asked tilting his head at me making me smile. I let out another hard breath.

"Yeah, I guess" I stated nodding. He smiled and motioned me towards the house. I followed him looking down at my shoes, absolutely terrified to see Chris. I couldn't see Chris. What was I doing here?

We walked into the loud house, the noise overwhemling me. I scanned the room breifly, not seeing any sign of Chris or that Mia girl. Which at this point I didn't know if it was a good or bad thing.

"Hey" I heard his voice again making me look over at him. He motioned me over to him, I hadn't noticed I stopped walking. I moved through the crowd of people before he stopped in front of a counter pulling out bottles of liquor out of the bag and grabbing some cups.

I just watched him, scanning the vodka and jack laid in front of me. My heart beating out of my chest. Visions of a Jack bottle being thrown at the wall beside my head flashing through my mind as he placed a cup out in front of me.

"What are you doing?" I asked looking up at him. He smiled over at me. "I'm getting you a drink" He stated as if it was the polite thing to do. "Oh I don't know" I said shaking my head. He raised his eyebrows. "You can't come to my party and not drink" He stated looking down at me.

I attempted to move past the cockiness in his voice. I only liked when Chris did that. Chris. I felt my heart clench. No. Numb. Forget. You're fine. You're okay.

He took the vodka and unscrewed it before pouring quite a bit into my cup. I just watched as he poured it. He picked up a sprite bottle before pouring that into my cup as well, just not as much as the vodka.

He did the same in his cup. He picked up both cups before handing me mine. I looked down at the cup and then up at him. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me. I looked down at the cup.

My parents always got angry when they drank, but I looked around and no one looked angry. They all looked happy. They all looked like they were actually happy. Maybe I was missing something. Maybe alcohol wasn't bad, maybe I just programed myself to think that way. Just because of my parents. Maybe It would be different for me. It wouldn't hurt to try it. If I hated it I would stop.

"Fuck it" I said looking up at him. He smiled and nodded. "Fuck it" He agreed as we both lifted the cups to our mouths. At first it tasted like sprite, but as I swallowed and took a breath a horrible taste of hand sanitizer filled my mouth.

I squeezed my eyes shut and coughed, tasting the alcohol. He laughed down at me. "You okay?" He asked placing his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, shaking my head. "That tastes horrible" I shook my head. He shrugged. "It's get better the more you drink it" He said nodding at me. I looked up at him and then back down at the drink.

I drank a bit more slowly trying to get it down. I shivered and looked at him. He laughed lightly. "See you're a natural" He smiled. I smiled and shook my head. "Thanks" I said shaking my head.

"So you've got a boyfriend?" He asked leaning into me. I sighed and looked down. "Not exactly" I said looking up at him. He just looked down at me. His eyes were brown. I didn't like brown eyes. I liked Chris's blue eyes. They were pretty. His were just dark.

"Not exactly?" He question. I rolled my eyes lifting my drink up to my lips again. "No, I don't have a boyfriend" I stated looking up at him. He nodded tilting his cup up and finishing his drink. I just watched him. How did he drink it that fast?

"You gotta catch up love" He smiled pointing down at my drink. I stared at him. Love? Everything about this felt wrong, because it wasn't with Chris. But I knew I would never have this with Chris. Not again. I swallowed.

This wasn't what I was here to do. Mourn over my relationship with Chris. I was here to forget. To be numb. To be normal. For one night.

I nodded before lifting the cup up my lips and drinking the rest of it, trying not to focus on the taste. He cheered next to me as I shook my head. "I'll get you another one" He smiled taking my cup. I just looked up at him. This was going to be a long night.

-

After he refilled my cup four times, I was drunk. I didn't know I was drunk for a little bit but when I turned and it felt like I was on a carousel, i knew I was. This is what It feels like huh? I giggled to myself leaning over laughing slightly.

The taste did get better the more I drank. And the punch line of Paxton's jokes became funnier. But now I couldn't really stand up straight. It was like I lost the ability to move around with ease. And I lost the abiltiy to take anything seriously. My body felt fuzzy and I hadn't even thought about Chris. It was working.

I reached for the bottle slightly stumbling. "Woah there" Paxton said grabbing my waist. I smiled and shook my head as I pulled the bottle towards me. "I want more" I said closing my eyes. He took the bottle out of my hands.

"You want more? Are you sure?" He asked. I opened my eyes and It was almost like I was looking at Chris. They looked very similar. Except for the eyes. The eyes reminded me that he wasn't him. No one was.

I nodded. "I do" I smiled. He shook his head as he poured more into my cup. I smiled and pulled the cup towards me, lifting it up my mouth. I downed the whole thing putting the cup back down. He raised his eyebrows at me. I smiled loosing my footing slightly stumbling against him. He held me up.

"Have you ever drank before?" He asked looking down at me. I sighed pushing off of him. "No" I smiled. He sighed shaking his head. "But this is fun" I smiled pressing my hands against my face. He shook his head before grabbing my hand and dragging me through the party.

"Where are we going?" I smiled pulling him towards me. He looked back at me. "We're sitting down, you can't stand" He stated as we walked into the living room and sitting down on the couch. I felt the music move through my body, like it was speaking directly to me. I smiled at the feeling.

"I'm doing a great job standing, look" I motioned to myself I stood in front of him spinning around and slightly stumbling into someone. They turned glaring at me. "Sorry" I laughed.

"She's fine Tyler, she's just showing me how good she is at standing" Paxton said looking over at the boy. He turned to me. "Yeah?" He asked looking at me. "I'm doing a great job" I nodded at him. He shook his head.

"How much have you had to drink?" He asked looking down at me. I shurgged looking over at Paxton. "She's had like five drinks" He stated. Tyler looked down at me scanning my figure. "With your body weight? You're fucked" He laughed at me. I glared at him.

"I'm fine" I stated walking over to sit next to Paxton. "Yeah, she's fine" He stated for me. I looked over at him. He put his arm on the back of the couch behind my head. I glanced at him before leaning forward.

I really didn't want him getting the wrong idea. "So what made you show up to my party Y/n?" He asked leaning into me. I shrugged. "Maybe I just wanted to party" I smiled at him. He looked down at my lips. "Yeah?" He whispered. I nodded turning away from him.

"I don't think i've ever seen a girl as pretty as you" He whispered making me look up at him. I just blinked at him. "Yeah? Look around the room" I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling the room start to spin as that last drink began to hit me. Oh no.

I swallowed. The room's not spinning y/n focus. He spoke but I didn't hear him. I looked up at him, my vision going in and out. All I saw was him staring at me.

"I think I drank too much" I breathed, the room beginning to feel stuffy. He smiled and nodded. "I think you drank too much because someone didn't treat you right" I heard him say. I furrowed my eyebrows leaning back against the couch, feeling it took too much energy to sit up anymore.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked looking at him. He shrugged. "You're a pretty girl, and you came here alone" He stated. I looked away from him, realizing just how close he was to me.

I put my hand against his chest pushing him back, moving my face away. He grabbed my hand and leaned into me. "What?" He smiled. I turned my head away as I felt him grip my leg. My heart beat out of my chest.

"I'm not kissing you" I stated quickly, smelling the alcohol on his breath. "Why not? You're pretty" He whispered leaning in towards my neck. I didn't have the mental capacity to push him away. I shook my head, feeling sweat beading at my forehead. Oh god what did i do?

I felt his lips graze my neck before I felt him being pulled off of me completely. I looked up the room spinning but I could make out someone holding the guy by the shirt, he was now standing.

"Get off her" He said clenching his jaw staring at the dude. He pushed the dude back making him stumbling back into some people. I let out a breath when I realized it was Chris. Paxton glared back at him.

"Dude this one is mine, get your own" Paxton yelled back at him. Chris charged up to him, but pushing him back. "That is my own. She's mine" He said hovering over the dude. I've never seen Chris so angry. I felt myself start to breath heavily.

"Chris" I breathed. His head snapped to me before leaning down next to me. "Are you okay?" He asked looking down at me. I smiled from his presence and nodded, laying against him. He froze.

"Are you drunk?" He asked making me giggle against him. He grabbed my arm pulling me to my feet. "Ow" I said holding my arm back. He turned to me. "Why the hell are you drinking?" He asked looking at me. I frowned looking at my shoes.

"Why are you yyyyelling at me?" I said looking up at him. He took in a breath closing his eyes. "Chris? What are you doing? Who is this?" I heard a voice come up to us. I turned seeing the perfect blonde barbie right next to me. I smiled slightly. Mia.

"Y/n don't" I heard Chris's voice.

"You're the girl who he fucks" I said pointing at her. Her eyes went wide. "What? Who the hell are you?" She said crossing her arms over her chest. I looked over at Chris smiling. "Apparently his" I said leaning into his chest. Her face hardened. Chris put his hands on my shoulder pushing me back up.

"What?" Her face turned to Chris. Chris sighed. "Is this why you won't even kiss me?" She tilted her head. I put my hand over my mouth to muffle a laugh. If I was sober, I would not find this siutation funny. But right now it was the funniest thing i've ever seen.

"No--Yes--Kinda. I can't have this conversation right now. I have to get her home" Chris said shaking his head and wrapping his arm under me holding me up. I smiled at her as she glared at me. "She can't handle herself? Chris you came here with me" She said angrily.

"And now he's leaving with me" I smiled. "Stop talking" Chris said looking down at me. I just smiled and looked down at the ground. "Mia, I'm sorry" He shook his head as we turned and moved us through the crowd.

We walked outside the fresh air hitting me. I stumbled over gripping the railing, swallowing back a gag. I didn't know alcohol was suppose to make you lose every sense you had. I couldn't even stand.

"Y/n" Chris sighed as he grabbed my waist, pulling me up. I groaned leaning into his chest. We walked down the steps and I swallowed feeling his hands around me a little too much. I felt my lip quiver.

"Chris get off" I pushed him, stumbling but then straighting out and looking at him. He sighed shaking his head. "What?" I spat shaking my head. "What?" He asked raising his eyebrows. "What? Really? You want to know what?" He asked stepping towards me. I turned my head crossing my arms over my chest.

"Y/n, what are you doing here?" He asked stepping up to me. I clenched my jaw and looked away from him. "Getting drunk with a random dude?" He asked shaking his head. I swallowed feeling tears prick at my eyes. "How could you be so irresponsible?" He asked towering over me.

"You can't be that stupid, really. Something bad could have happened. You don't know him, you don't know what he was thinking--" He said shaking his head. "And you do?" I asked shaking my head. "I have a few ideas from the way he was grabbing you" He clenched his jaw. I shook my head.

"Sorry, did you want me to let him continue?" He asked throwing his hands up. "No!" I screamed at him. "Chris I don't want any man to touch me ever again but you!" I screamed at him. "Don't you see how much you destroyed me? And you don't even care!" i yelled at him shaking my head. His angry face softened as I yelled at him.

"You don't even care" I whispered shaking my head feeling tears come to my eyes. He sighed walking up to me and placing his hand on my shoulder. "Y/n, just sit down" He said softly. I pushed his hand off me.

"No" I cried pushing his hand off me. "I'll just go home so you can get back to your girlfriend" I said looking up at him, feeling tears come down my face. "She's not my girlfriend and she's never going to be my girlfriend" He stated calmly. "Yeah and why's that?" I mumbled looking at him. He bit his lip and looked at me.

I shook my head turning my head. "You're right. I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry I ruined your party" I mumbled walking past him. He grabbed my arm. "No" He said pulling me back to him. I looked up at him.

"Don't walk away" He stated. I ripped my arm. "What? You can but I can't?" I asked looking at him. He stepped towards me. "Not while you're this drunk. No you can't" He shook his head at me. I swallowed. "I'm not that drunk" I lied. He raised his eyebrows looking down at me.

"Yeah walk in a straight line" He said pointing to the side. I glared up at him before moving to where he pointed as I put one foot in front of the other. I stared down at my feet as I attempted to walk. I held my hands out for balance, but still stumbled.

"Okay, stop" He said walking up to me, grabbing my arm. I pushed him off me. "No I can do it" I swallowed as I continued to walk. He sighed stepping back, but I still stumbled over.

"Y/n stop" He said again. Tears filled my eyes. "No" I cried. He walked up to me grabbing my waist. "Stop" He whispered looking down at me shaking his head. I looked down as tears ran down my face.

"I lost everyone" I cried shaking my head. He just looked down at me. "I don't have anyone, no one loves me" I cried placing my head against his chest. He bit his lip as he looked down at me.

"I'm so scared Chris" I cried. He held me against him.

"I love you"

My cries stopped as the silence of the air surrounded us. I pulled back looking up at him. He looked down at me, concern all over his face. "I love you, y/n" He said again. I stepped back shaking my head.

"N-No you don't" I said shaking my head. He held his hands up. "Why do you think i'm acting like this?" He asked looking at me. "What like going out with other girls? Is that what you're referring to? You don't love me" I shook my head at him. He stepped towards me.

"I love you so much. It's killing me" He said shaking his head. I just watched him. "I've loved you for so long that i'm afraid if i tell you, i'll scare you. I love you so much, it's killing me" He said shaking his head. I just blinked at him.

I held my arm out, putting my hand to my chest. "Y/n? What's wrong?" He asked grabbing my arm. I pushed him away. "Are you okay?" He asked quickly. I shook my head as I leaned over.

He moved next to quickly grabbing my hair as I puked everything I drank onto the ground next to us. He sighed, rubbing my back as I puked. I groaned as I wiped my mouth.

"Are you okay?" He asked leaning down to me. I sighed and sat down on the ground laying down looking up. He sighed smiling slightly down at me before laying down next to me.

"That was really gross" I mumbled, making him chuckle. "It happens to the best of us" He said turning his head and looking over at me. I looked over at him. He smiled sadly at me.

"Do you really?" I whispered. He nodded. "So badly" He whispered back making me close my eyes. I sighed looking back to the sky. "I get why my parents drink" I stated. He just looked at me.

"I forgot about you for a while" I said turning back to him. Hurt plastered all over his face. "It worked until it didn't" I mumbled. He licked his lips.

"We're you going to kiss that guy if I didn't pull him off of you?" He asked slightly. I sat up, he sat up with me. "No" I said looking down at my lap. "Why not?" He asked looking at me. "He didn't have blue eyes" I said smiling slightly looking up at him. He smiled looking down at me.

"Were you going to kiss that girl?" I asked looking at him. He shook his head. "Why not?" I asked. "She's beautiful" I whispered looking down. "She's not even in the same world as you" He whispered making bit my lip.

I stood up.

"I can't Chris" I shook my head. He stood up quickly. "Why not?" He asked looking down at me. I shook my head. "You've done nothing but hurt me, why should I trust anything you say? All you do is hurt me" I sighed shaking my head. He sighed looking down.

"I'll explain everything when you're sober y/n I promise" He said shaking his head. I swallowed looking away. "Chris I can't" I whispered again. "Y/n please. I'm begging you. I'm so sorry" He said grabbing my hands. I shook my head.

"I'm not doing this again" I swallowed looking up at him. He shook his head. "No" He whispered. I pulled my hands back. "I'm sorry" I whispered stepping back and turning.

"Y/n, wait please don't do this" He said as I walked away. I just looked down. "Y/n, wait I have to tell you something" He said but I didn't stop I just kept walking.

"It's about Nick" He breathed making me stop in my tracks. I turned and looked at him, my heart starting to beat. I just stared at me.

He closed his eyes and turned his head.

"It's Holton" He said. I stepped towards him. "What about Holton?" I asked looking at him. He swallowed. He pointed towards the house.

"He was in there" He stated. I looked towards the house, shaking my head not understanding. "He was kissing someone" He said softly. I felt my heart drop. No. My heart broke for Nick.

"He was kissing a girl"

With that I was completely sober.

woahhh that was a long oneeeee hope u loved it sorry if it was all over the place

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#matt sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #spotify #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #Spotify

[matthewsturniolosgirlfriend101]

Swimming (Matt Sturniolo)

description: y/n and the triplets go swimming for content. But matt and y/n's sweet intractions definitely do not go unseen.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sexual things.

I have had a crush on Matt for the longest time. Everybody always tells me that he likes me back, but I never belive it.

Today, Matt, Chris, Nick and I have rented out a swimming centre, so we can film content in there. I was so exited, I had done swimming in the past and it was always a huge part of my life, something that I could do where I don't overthink or get stressed or anxious. "Y/n?" Matt says, breaking me out of my thoughts. "You alright?" I nodded, continuing to gaze out of the window humming quietly to 'TV by Billie Eilish.'

I suddenly felt a warm feeling on my inner thigh, I peered down at my lap and saw that it was Matt's hand. Slowly rubbing circles with his thumb. I felt a hot flush of heat run to my face as I turned away, biting my lip.

Around 5 minutes later, Matt removed his hand from my thigh to park in a space outside the swimming pool. I was sad at the loss of contact, but I knew matt had to use both hands so he didn't rear end the car beside him. As soon as he had parked we got out, Chris came up behind me and ruffled my hair "hey!" I said looking back at him annoyed. " I was having a good ponytail day!" All he replies with is "whoopsies" as he runs away like a child. Matt came up behind me and wrapped his arm over my shoulders pulling my back into his chest as he walked behind me. He carefully moved my misplaced strands of hair back to their original places. Little did we know Nick was recording us behind long enough to catch the whole thing. "Definitely keeping this in, it will be good for the edits." Whispers Nick to Chris. Chris just chuckles and agrees.

I start to get giddy as we walk inside because I smell the familiar scent of chlorine. I ran into the changing rooms, Chris running behind me as Matt and Nick slowly walked behind us. As me and Chris were fighting over who should get the family sized stall, Nick started to talk to Matt.

"So when are you two gonna get together?" Asked Nick. "What are you talking about?" Says Matt his gazed still fixed on me as I tried to push myself into the stall that Chris wouldn't let me have. "C'mon you know exactly what I'm taking about. Don't think we don't see the way you too look at each other. AND don't think we didn't see you putting your hand on her thigh or when you did all that weird shit in the car park coming in."

"Okay okay geez, I would love to talk to her about a relationship but I'm not sure she likes me back." Nick looks at him with an expression mixed of disgust, shame and shock. "Are you fucking stupid?" Matt laughs and walks away to get changed. All he could think about was y/n. Her beautiful voice, her soft hair, her flawless skin, her eyes, her curves, her lips. Oh god he loves her lips, they are so plump and naturally pink that he just wondered what they taste like.

Matt was quickly shook out of his dirty thoughts when y/n called his name "Matt! Hurry up we're all waiting for you!" Matt quickly shoves his clothes in his bag as he stepped out. He was wearing blue trunks. He scanned the floor and looked up when his eyes met y/n's but not for long as he traveled his gaze down to her bikini. A white fabric with little cherries on it. It looked so good on her. "You okay?" Y/n said giggling. He snapped up out of his trance. "Yeah I'm good." He said as he walked past her, grabbing her hand as he did.

30mins into filming we ended up doing races.

I always remember being really good at breaststroke. It was an easy swim for me as I didn't have to suffocate myself for that long. "Hey Matt!" I yelled " I bet you can't beat me in a breaststroke race!" ( A/N: help why does that sound so weird.)

"I bet I could." Matt says as he runs up to me grabbing my waist and jumping into the water. Nick laughs as he points the camera to us and zooms in. When I pop up from under the water, we both get ready to start the race. "GO!" screams Chris. I take off, my hands and legs moving rapidly, I got a pretty good headstart so I was ahead of Matt but still in arms reach. We were close to the end of the pool when I felt Matt's hand wrap around my ankle as he pulled me back into his chest. Kissing my head subconsciously and whispering in my ear "slow down sweetheart." Oh. My. Word. My somache filled with butterflies as I smiled shamlessly. "Or what?" I whisper back. In that moment I could feel him getting hard against my ass. He pulled away and continued swimming the rest of the pool as I stood there in shock.

Later when we were home, I was lying in my bed, hair washed and feeling squeaky clean, I was scrolling through my Instagram feed when I heard a knock at my door. "Come in." Slowly, my door opens to reveal Matt. I put my phone down and stand up, slightly flusterd as I remember our last interaction. I patted the spot next to me inviting him over. He slowly walked and sat down on my bed, I felt the space sink down and I struggled to stay balanced. "Hey." He said

"Hey." I repeated. He looks me dead in the eye his gaze burning imaginary holes into my soul. I opened my mouth to talk but he got there before me. "You know, I never did answer the question earlier." He said. I nodded, waiting for him to continue...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hey guys! This was my first imagine and I just wanted to leave it on a cliffhanger for you guys. English is not my first language so if i spelt anything wrong or something just doesn't make sense, please let me know thanks xx ALSO DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO SAVE DRAFTS ON HERE?

^

ALSO HOW DO YOU TAG PEOPLE?

#matt sturniolo smut #sturniolo smut #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo triplets

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

I had a similar reaction on first listen—my gut was like HOW could she write such touching things about THAT 🤮 MAN🤮 but as I’ve sat with it, the touching things are all about the idea of him! And there are glimpses of her being in deep denial delulu (see: I can fix him, “no I’m not coming to my senses!”). I also think back on her time POTY quote “I respond to extreme pain with defiance.” It’s so hard to see something for what it is in the middle of it. Esp if it would unravel a belief system!

I feel like a lot of people find this album particularly hard to digest because they get stuck on the thought of these song's purported muses and their preconceived opinions about them and can't get past their discomfort in how this art sprung from those sources.

And that hurdle is just the first in a long line of subtext in these songs that inherently make Poets an album that you have to sit with. This album is not meant to be digested easily or quickly.

She's manic and an unreliable storyteller. But the feelings she's expressing really did happen to her and she truly sincerely believed in the moment. And even when she was in it, everything was still built up in her head as this idealized fulfillment of the 'fate' storyline she'd told herself she deserved and was finally living out. Sex is intimacy. And then it's not even very good or actually really intimate. Nothing is happening the way she thought. Everything she ever told herself since she was a little girl about fairytales and love is fucking fake. Maybe this is happening to you because you're a monster. If I keep trying to be good and perform I can get it back. Why did I leave him for ... him? Why did he then leave me? Did anyone ever really love me? Do I love myself? What does this even say about me as a person? I really am fucked up and horrible. What was I thinking? How could I have believed any of that? Am I crazy?

And on and on and on.

Literally more than any other album Taylor has written do you have to not just listen to the words she's saying but contextualize the circumstances she's saying them in and how she might even feel about them now.

And if you don't like it I can't emphasize enough how okay that is.

#tss ttpd party

[propertyofyoutube]

I thought we were ghost hunting? - EXPLICIT

Summary: You are a content creator and are also a huge fan of Sam and Colby. You finally got that DM to collab with your favourite duo. Colby had been your 'celebrity crush' for a long time now. But little did you know, he was also a huge fan of you...

WARNINGS: SMUT 18+, FILTH, unprotected sex, oral, fingering, biting, kind of public sex (at haunted location)

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

"I swear you better not be weird!" You said to your best friend as you began driving to the Winchester Mystery House for your collab with Sam and Colby.

Y/b/f/n looked at you with her mouth wide open, trying her best to fight a smile, "what? Why would I be weird?" She said with a smirk.

You quickly glanced at her before rolling your eyes looking back to the road, "dude... I swear to god-"

"Now why on earth, would I... your best friend, do anything weird or embarrassing to you, in front of the guy who is at the top of your 'would sit on his face' list?" She chuckled to herself as your heart pounded, as deep down, you truly didn't know if she would or not.

You stayed quiet for a moment before she spoke again, "y/n, chill. I swear on my life I would never do that. I will only say something, if you..." she pointed at you as she spoke seriously, "don't!"

You rolled your eyes as you let out a sigh, "no girl... it's Colby fucking Brock." You couldn't help but let out a laugh, "every single woman wants a piece of him, I am not going to embarrass myself, I've got more respect for myself than that," you giggle.

You looked over at y/b/f/n as she looked annoyed as she spoke, "well clearly not enough respect!" You frowned at her, "y/n, you are hot! And if Colby fucking Brock doesn't see that, then he's a fool!"

You smiled at her as you shook your head, "you have to say that! You're my best friend!"

"No, I'm your best friend so I would tell you if I truly thought you'd embarrass yourself. Rizz yourself up girl!" She laughed as you rolled your eyes again chuckling as you knew full well you definitely would not be trying anything on with him.

<<<Meanwhile>>>

Sam glanced at Colby as he fixed his hair for the 10th time in the passenger seat mirror. "Dude... your hair looks fine!" He laughed as Colby continued to move the pieces of dark hair around his face.

"Are you sure?" Colby asked not taking his eyes off himself.

Sam looked at him again even more confused, "dude, yes." Sam watched as Colby continued to fumble with his appearance, and it was almost as though he looked nervous. "What is going on with you?" Sam asked bluntly.

Colby shut the mirror as he cleared his throat, "nothing... I just wanna look good." He said, he looking at Sam.

Sam quickly realised what was going on as he recalled how many times over the last year Colby has talked about y/n and what your latest videos were. "Ohh... I see what's going on here." Sam smirked as Colby snapped his attention to him looking confused.

"What?" Colby responded very quickly.

"It's because of y/n, isn't it?" Sam couldn't help but smile as he spoke.

Colby started huffing and shaking his head trying to come up with something, "dude- no. I always want to look good."

"But this time it's different and you know it," Sam chuckled as it was very rare Colby would be so nervous to meet anyone, or crumble this much over a girl. Colby didn't say anything as he reopened the mirror one last time and Sam let you a much harder laugh, "dude, just talk to her! Ask her out!"

Colby shook his head, "no dude, I heard that she and Zach may be dating." Colby said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Oh... as in Zach justice?" Sam said as he tried to think.

"Uh huh..." Colby nodded.

"Oh..." Sam continued to ponder his thoughts as Colby gazed out the window. "You know... could just be a rumour..." Sam said smiling again.

Colby rolled his eyes believing that y/n was off limits.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

As you pulled up the Winchester Mystery House you could feel your body become overrun with chills, your heart pounding harder than ever before. You couldn't really tell if it was because of the house or because of the fact you were about to meet Colby for the first time.

"There they are, pull up over there!" Y/b/f/n said as you looked forward and seen Sam organising things in the trunk of his car. He slowly turned around to see you guys pulling up as he lifted up his hand waving with a smile spread across his face.

You pulled up next to Sam's car, as you turned the ignition off you took a deep breath. Y/b/f/n wasted no time, jumping out of the car excitedly running around to your side of the car to hug Sam. You grabbed your phone and held your keys tightly before taking another deep inhale of oxygen, gripping the handle and stepping out of the car.

"Y/n, hey!" Sam said as he walked to you, embracing you instantly.

"Heyy!" You smiled widely, as you hugged one of your idols. "I can't believe you invited us here." You laughed as Sam pulled away.

"Wait why?" Sam asked looking at her confused.

You thought for a moment, trying to think of what to say that doesn't make you sound like a psycho fan, "I've just been a fan for so long, it's crazy!" You decided an overbearing of confidence and making inappropriate jokes whilst you're nervous is the best option. As always. "You know, that you'd want us in a video... for the comedic relief right?" You chuckled awkwardly, 'why the hell would you say that? You sound so awkward you idiot' you thought to yourself.

Sam smiled wider as he started to laugh, "and I guess we picked the right ones!"

"I am so sorry," you said feeling embarrassed which you promised yourself you wouldn't do. "I promise I'll try not to make too bad of jokes whilst we're filming..." you look down at the floor nervously.

"Oh no please do!" Sam laughed as your eyes shot up at him confused, "that's why we love you and your channel!" You froze for a moment, 'did Sam Golbach really just say he loved my channel? And me?' You thought to yourself. But him saying that actually gave you the slight real confidence boost you needed.

"Well then, I promise to tell all the shitty and highly inappropriate jokes the entire night... between me crying and hiding in a corner of course" you smirked at Sam.

Sam nodded his head, very excited for the night ahead, "that's what I'm talking about it!" He laughed. Suddenly in the distance you hear Colby talking with the tour guide and your heart skipped a beat to the sound of his voice. "Yo Colby!" Sam shouted, catching you off guard as you turned your head to the floor nervously, "come here! They've arrived!"

The next few moments of your life felt like a slow motion scene in a movie, you could feel your heart beat as you looked down at the floor. You prayed that this went well, and that you didn't embarrass yourself or do something stupid.

As Colby moved around the car, his heart too was beating out of his chest, he'd wanted to meet you for so long. But he couldn't help but feel a slight hint of jealousy, that if the rumours were true and you were dating Zach, he was mad he didn't get to meet you first. Colbys eyes locked on y/b/f/n as you were still hidden by Sam, "yo what's up!" He said to her.

Y/b/f/n replied, "sup Colby," just as he took another two steps forward.

His eyes wandered across, your eyes looked up until... boom. There he was. In the flesh. 'Holy fuck, he's even hotter in person' you thought to yourself as you swallowed hard. Colby could feel his palms become sweaty as his eyes stayed tightly connected to yours, he couldn't help but smile, the most cute and almost nervous smile.

"Hi." He said softly.

"Hi." You said back, trying so hard not to make it obvious that your whole body was shaking and your heart was racing.

Colby had a mini battle with himself in his head, 'hi? Seriously? You couldn't have say anything better than fucking hi?' But when you said it and smiled back at him, that face of yours completely took over her entire thoughts.

You both froze, still staring not realising just how long for. Sam looked at y/b/f/n as they both looked between you two, feeling like they were stuck in the middle of something here. Sam smirked as your best friend also did the same. "Well, I think we should get this show on the road!"

The sound of his voice completely pulled you out of your trance as you quickly realised you were staring, and now Colby Brock was going to think you were weird... you got to fix this, and fast. "I mean... we could just stand here staring at each other for a bit longer?" You said to Sam as you glanced at Colby with a smirk. Colby shook his head as an uncontrollable smile appeared on his face, "it's either that... or demons?" Everyone laughed as Colby lifted his head to look at you once again.

"Hey, I'd much rather look at you than talk to any ghosts." Colby's heart raced as he took his shot at an attempt of flirting. He's never felt so off his game before, 'why did this girl have so much of an effect on him', he thought.

"Well then, good job I'm right here Brock, I can distract you all you want!" As the words left your mouth you felt your stomach drop. 'Oh my god. Did I really just say that? Was Colby just trying to flirt with me then?' You felt your body relax slightly, as this was the icebreaker you needed, even it was just banter, you believed.

"Well alright then, I feel like I'm in of a good night already," Colby said as he smiled at you.

Your mind raced as you couldn't comprehend what was happening, you wanted to believe so badly that he might actually be interested in you, but you and your insecure mind just wouldn't allow it. "Right then Sam, get that camera out, cause I have been waiting years to see this intro live and in person!" You giggled as Sam and Colby laughed.

"Seriously? Years?" Colby said with a smirk, deep down he actually couldn't believe that you were a fan of theirs.

"Oh yeah! Actually can I please do it?" You said, joking at first but lowkey would be totally down to do it.

Sam looked at Colby as he just started recording, Colby held up his hands as his cheeks grew red, "if you do a better job than me, Sam you can't replace me with y/n..." he chuckled as Sam made no promises.

"Get over here!" Sam laughed as you handed your phone and keys to y/b/f/n. You quickly headed next to him as Colby stood back, giving you room.

"Sorry Brock, I think your job is mine now," you smirked at him.

Colby tucked his bottom lip between his lips as he looked at you, still in amazement that you so beautiful to him, "if it means I get to see you all the time, then the jobs yours."

You felt your cheeks flush as Sam looked at you both, trying to mask his smile. "You ready?" He said to you as he held up his hand, the lens pointing at you both.

You nodded, "oh Sam, I was born ready!" You said as everyone laughed.

"Perfect!" Sam chuckled as he counted you in, "3, 2, 1..."

"What's up guys it's Sam and y/n!" You said mimicking Colby almost perfectly. He watched in amazement at your confidence and your playful personality. He thought to himself, he was right. You were everything he had dreamed of you being in real life, and he felt this warmth inside of him become more intense with each second you spent near him. Each smile you gave him sending him spiralling.

"Woahhhh!" Sam shouted, "dude! You have been replaced!" Sam laughed as Colby jumped into frame.

"Yoooo, that is fair enough, you smashed it!" Colby laughed as he held up his hand and you connected your palms in a strong high five, as both of your hands tingled from the connection.

"Hey you can't leave me on our channel alone!" Y/b/f/n shouted as she also jumped behind you all.

You laughed as you hugged her and looked back at Colby, "you know what Brock, even though I do you better than you do you, my heart belongs to another..." you said.

"Ouch" Colby joked as he held his hand on his heart, but as you said that his mind instantly went to the possibility that you and Zach are dating, and he kinda felt his heart actually twinge.

"Another channel I mean of course!" You smirk as him as he beamed at you once again, 'where has this confidence come from?' You thought to yourself. "But I think you should show us all how it's done..." you said, as you tucked your bottom lip between your teeth.

Colby nodded confidently as he prepared himself, he and Sam stood side by side as Colby left a gap revealing you and y/b/f/n in between the two of them. He took a deep breath, "what's up guys it's Sam and Colby!" He blurted out as you and your best friend cheered him on.

"And today, we are joined with y/n and y/b/f/n, at... the Winchester Mystery House..." Sam said speaking with dramatic effect in his voice.

"Ooooo" the rest of you giggled.

"Are you guys ready?" Colby said turning to face you both.

Y/b/f/n looked at you as she smiled but you could see the nervousness in her eyes, "I mean... who's ever ready for demons?" She said with a chuckle.

"If the demon is a toxic bad boy and possibly looks like Jensen Ackles... then I am so fucking ready!" You say, joking but lowkey serious as y/b/f/n laughed, knowing you probably were being serious.

"Jensen Ackles... nice choice!" Colby said laughed. You nodded at him slowly as you pulled a face at the camera.

Suddenly you gasped, "Or Rudy Pankow!" You said as everyone started laughing again.

"Well, I think y/n is after a ghost boyfriend..." Sam said with a chuckle, "let's go play match maker!"

You nodded at the camera as Colby turned and looked into your eyes as you felt yourself melt once again in his gaze. 'Well, I'd rather a living, emo, hot AF boyfriend...' you thought to yourself, as the video began.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It has been roughly 3 hours since you started filming. The content you guys were creating as a team was both hilarious and super spooky. The evidence captured made your beliefs change with every beep and every knock. But most importantly, the banter between you and Colby as making you feel things throughout your entire body. Realistically, Colby was trying his hardest to show you how interested in you he was, how nervous you made him and how badly he wanted you. But your mind refused to acknowledge the fact that, that was even a possibility.

"I think we should take a quick food and drink break," Sam said, as he shut off the camera and Colby grabbed the music box, switching it off.

You and y/b/f/n both nodded slowly as you tried to comprehend everything that had just happened.

"Are you guys okay?" Colby asked but he couldn't help chuckling.

"I will be... once I've had an exorcism!" You say laughing, "and some nicotine... I gotta go vape!" You seriously as you headed out of the room to follow Sam outside.

You sat down alone on some steps, eating some snacks that the boys brought for you, puffing in your vape after each bite. As Sam and y/b/f/n sat in the trunk of the car chatting about all things ghosts.

You looked up to see Colby heading toward you with two cans of pop in his hands. After the night you guys have had, you felt a lot more comfortable in their presence now. Which to you felt amazing considering you wanted to know who they truly were and not just who you saw on your screen for the longest time. And they did not disappoint. As cliche as it sounds it was almost as though you guys were all meant to be friends. The further into the night you travelled, the more it felt like you'd all been friends for years. It felt like you all were so vulnerable around each other and it felt so natural to be so open.

"Here you go," Colby said with a smile as he held out your drink. You looked up taking the drink from his hand as you blew out your vape with a smile in return.

"Thank you very much," you said, you were starting to get tired and your experiences tonight so far had your head spinning in circles.

Colby looked at you, as he could tell that there was a million thoughts running behind your eyes. "You okay?" He asked softly.

You turned to look at him again as he sat down beside you on the steps, "yeah! This night has been... honestly one of the best experiences of my life." You said with a genuine smile.

Colby beamed back at you, he genuinely cared if you were okay or not, and if you were happy with how the video was going. You both sat in silence after a small talk chit chat, until Colby cleared his throat, looking out straight ahead at the grounds, "hey... can I- uh- ask you something?" He still didn't turn to look at you as you could see the nervousness on his voice and how his hand fiddled with the bracelet on his opposite wrist.

"Yeah of course," you said giving him your full attention.

Colby took a deep breath, "this may be a little too personal or what, and feel free to just tell me to fu-"

You cut him off laughing, "Brock just ask the damn question!"

Colby hung his head laughing for a moment before finally looking up and turning to face you, "are you... and Zach, uh-"

"Are Zach and I dating?" You said with a giggle, knowing the rumours and edits that have spread across TikTok since you were on Dropouts a few months ago.

Colby nodded reluctantly it seemed like he felt embarrassed for asking.

"No... we're really not," you said as you laughed again. "TikTok man... it even makes me believe things about my life sometimes!" You laughed thinking of all the rumours, especially about your love life, that had spread over the years.

Colby nodded slowly as a smirk slowly started appearing on his face. You looked at him confused as you could feel your body start to heat up, the way he was looking at you made your stomach flip but your core ache. "What?" You said with a slight giggle. Your heart began to race as by the look on his face you weren't quite sure where he was going with his.

Colby looked at you deep in your eyes as he continued to smile, "I was really nervous to meet you today..." he said honestly as he chuckled hanging his head back down to the floor.

Your defence mechanism kicked in as your mouth ran away with your tongue, afraid you'd say something to mess this up, "you were?" You said softly, "why? Scared I was going to steal your job?" You said with a smirk.

Colby just loved how in every situation you always managed to make him laugh, that's why he loved your videos so much. He loved to watch how you nervously joke your way out of any situation, how you refused to let your friends feel down and would everything in your power to cheer them up, but mostly, how your heart was everyone else, saving you for last. He always watched you on his screen, putting every single person, 10 steps in front of you, and he wished he could be the one to put your heart first. So that you could continue to be this gorgeous, bad bitch, kind sweetheart that you were known for. He took a deep breath before speaking, "honestly, this video has been the most enjoyable I've ever filmed so far." He glanced at you nodding.

"Well of course it is!" You laugh jokingly, "it's because I'm here, Sam just knew I'd be a better co host for the Sam and Colby channel..." you made it as obvious as possible that what you said was a joke as Colby thankfully laughed shaking his head.

"You're so humble" Colby joked sarcastically as you let out a giggle. "But You're right, I think Sam has taken a liking to you, looks like I'm on the outs," Colby joked as he chuckled. He leaned back smirking at you.

You dramatically sighed as you leaned back too, "well unfortunately for Sam, I'm not into blondes..." you joked back, trying to hold in a laugh.

Colby watched how the moonlight was perfectly giving your skin a shimmery glaze. He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, as this was all fun and games so far, but as the night went on he wanted nothing more than to hold you, kiss you and have all of you to himself. "Oh really?" He leaned over towards you slightly, as he looked at your face, your eyes bouncing from one star to the other. "Then what are you into?"

He watched as you fumbled through your thoughts trying to decide whether you should be honest and risk it all, or make another joke to help you escape hope building conversation. You decided that you'd rather the former, "I'm more into..." you turned your head to face him as his face was so close to yours you could almost feel his breath. You watched as his eyes darted across all your features. "Dark haired, emo boys who hunt ghosts for a living." You tucked your lip between your teeth as your anxiety began to flood your entire body, did you really just say that? You began spiralling thinking Colby was about to awkwardly let you down gently, you didn't take in all the signs he'd been sending you all night, all because your brain just refused to acknowledge the fact that Colby absolutely could be into you.

"Well that's good." Colby said as his eyes looked from your eyes to your lips, catching you off guard.

'Wait... what the fuck did he just say?' You thought to yourself.

"Because..." Colby began to lean in closer to you, slowly as he spoke, "I'm into, humble girls who make jokes when they're uncomfortable and collab with ghost hunters for a living..."

As he was just inches from your face, at first you felt terrified but finally, now that he said it, there's no way you could talk yourself out of knowing that Colby does in fact like you like that. You looked at his lips as suddenly, all of your nervousness and anxiety melted away. You needed his lips on yours and you felt as though, no matter what you say right now, he isn't going to turn away. So... your sassiness finally broke through, "oh really?" You say biting your lip gently, "do you really think you could handle me, Brock?"

Colby was completely taken aback as those words left those beautiful lips of yours. He felt his stomach flip as his breath became hitched. You watched as his chest began to rise and fall much faster as you inched closer. You kind of like how much of an effect you had on this man, the man you believed would never look at you in that way. A smirk began to grown on both of your faces simultaneously as Colby finally spoke out in a whisper, "fuck yeah."

You smiled wide and leaned in, you were just about to close gap between you, when suddenly, "yo guys," Sam shouted as you both froze and snapped your attention towards the car. You both exhaled sharply as Sam appeared from around the car, "you ready to film the final investigation?" As y/b/f/n and Sam got closer, you and Colby both began to laugh as you tried to catch your breath. You had never felt so mad at your best friend before but you knew the didn't mean it.

"Yeah..." Colby said reluctantly as in reality his entire body needed to finish what you guys just started, he would love to just fuck the entire video off and take you back to the hotel and give you both the night of your lives. "We're ready." He said as he looked over at you watching as you messed with your hair and how tightly your bottom lip was tucked inside those teeth. He smirked, watching as you try to cool yourself down.

"Great!" Sam said, trying to ignore the fact he definitely just interrupted something here. "So what's the plan... we splitting up?"

Just then, Colby had a bright idea, "yeah, I think we should split into two groups. Y/n and I will go to one end of the house and you two can go to the other and we'll see who can get to the witches room in the attic." Colby gave Sam a look, and it wasn't long before Sam realised what he was trying to do.

Sam smirked subtly as he spoke, "sounds good to me!" He handed Colby a camera. "You guys start in the west and we'll go to the east. And take the Alice box." He said as he handed Colby a piece of ghost equipment.

You couldn't really take in what they were saying... all you could think about was that moment that almost was everything you'd dreamed about for the longest time. And how the feeling of needing him, just wouldn't go away, your body aching for that kiss and desperate to feel more.

"Y/n?" Sam said, snapping your attention back to the world.

"Yeah?" You said, clearly showing your mind was elsewhere during that conversation. Colby couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, knowing he probably thad you imagining the things you wanted him to do to you. And he wanted to do everything that you wanted... and so much more.

"You ready?" Y/b/f/n chuckled as she saw the look on your face. She knew that face anywhere.

You quickly jumped up trying to shake the feeling, "absolutely!" You paused for a moment thinking, as everyone watched you trying not to laugh, "wait... what are we doing again?" Everyone laughed at your obliviousness.

"You and I are going this way and we're going to meet them two in the witches attic," Colby said as he grabbed ahold of your arm pulling you in the direction. You turned to y/b/f/n as she gave you a look indicating she knew something was going to happen between us.

Sam quickly shouted as you walked away, "uh... don't get lost or distracted guys! This place is scary enough!" Colby quickly turned back to look at Sam.

"We won't!" He shouted as he winked. Sam chuckled as he rolled his eyes sighing.

"Come on," he said to y/b/f/n, "we better get this done!" Sam laughed as he and y/b/f/n walked back inside the house.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"So..." Colby said, as he held up the camera that was shooting in night vision. You walked slowly beside him in the pitch black home. Weirdly, your mind wasn't worrying about the fact you were supposedly surrounded by hundreds of spirits, it was more thinking about Colby. How badly you wanted him and that moment you almost had outside. How badly you wanted to have his hands feel every inch of your body. You thought about how you wanted to climb on top of him and show him, exactly what you're capable of. You felt yourself in a daydream, imagining the feeling of his lips on your, on your neck... on your chest... on your-

"Y/n?" Colbys voice caught your attention instantly as you quickly turned your head towards him,

"Yeah?" You felt that awkwardness return as if he could have seen what you were imagining, even though that's impossible.

Colby couldn't help but smirk at you as he could see you trying to hide your feelings, "you uh..." he bit his lip glancing at you through the tiniest amount of light coming from the camera screen. "You zoned out a little there," he said teasingly.

You chuckled as you tried to play it off as cool as possible, "I was just taking myself off to a better place other than this haunted ass house."

Colby shook his head as he laughed, suddenly there was a noise, "shh." He spoke quickly as he held an arm across you to stop you from going forward. You reached up and grabbed his arm as for a moment there was a little bit of fear and adrenaline began to run through your body. After a moment of waiting there were no more noises, Colby looked at you and giggled as he noticed the grip you had on his arm. "So tell me..." he continued walking as you quickly let go. "Where was this better place?"

You rolled your eyes fighting a smirk as you knew exactly what he was doing. He had an idea of what you were thinking about, because he was thinking about it too. "If I told you Brock, then there would be no mystery would there," you smirked as you continued, "and we are in the Winchester mystery house after all..."

Colby suddenly stepped in front of you, stopping you in your tracks as he looked down at you, "so, it didn't have anything to do with me..." he stepped closer walking you backwards slightly, "and you?" Your breath suddenly got stuck in your throat as you swallowed hard, your body beginning to quiver as his voice had changed to a seductive tone. You tried to speak but it was like your words were failing you, all you could think about was how close he was getting and how badly you needed him, and needed him now. You suddenly hit a wall behind you as Colby stopped, inches from your body, he lifted up one arm and place it against the wall near your head as he leaned in closer and whispered, "do you want to know what I was thinking about?" You could hear his voice shaking.

"Enlighten me," you whispered back as you bit your lip trying to keep yourself as contained as possible.

Colby lifted up his other arm that was holding the camera and he stopped the recording before putting it down on a cupboard. Your heart began racing as his eyes quickly connected back with your gaze, your body filled with anticipation and your adrenaline was peaking higher than ever before. "I was imagining, exactly what it would feel like, to kiss you..." he said leaning closer, you wanted to move, but you were frozen as he continued, "to touch you..." he began to trace his fingers along your arm, from your wrist to your elbow, up and down, your whole body electrifying with goosebumps, "to fuck you..." he leaned in as he whispered his lips just inches from yours, you could feel his breath against your mouth, your body dying to close the gap.

"Funny you say that..." you finally managed to whisper back seductively, "because I was thinking about how I would you to my hotel room..." you felt Colby take a deep breath as his body responded to your words with such desperation, "and I'd find out..." you looked into his eyes as they turned black, you could see exactly what you were doing to him, how close you were to practically making him beg. You lifted your arms to his waist grabbing ahold of his t-shirt on either side and pulled his body closer to yours. You quickly felt his hard bulge press against your body causing your heat to twitch. You whispered as he breathed deeply, "exactly, how you tasted..." you licked your bottom lip before tucking it between your teeth.

"Fuck..." Colby breathed out, he'd never had a woman have the must of an affect on him in his life. "I think we might just have to find out for real sooner, rather than later," he spoke as he lifted his arm up and cupped your cheek gently, his touch making you quiver. His nose touched yours as his lips grazed you teasingly.

"I thought we were ghost hunting?" You whispered out as a smirk began to appear on both of your faces.

There a moment, a small pause until. "Fuck it." Colby said as he smashed his lips onto yours. It was instantly deep and passionate. His lips on yours felt like perfection, it strangely didn't feel like a first kiss, it felt as though his was your 1 millionth. It was natural like it was almost meant to be like this. Colby's hands began moving up and down your body as you pushed your bodies closer. Your arms wrapping around his neck as your hands ran through his hair. You tugged slightly earning a low groan escaping Colby's lips into your mouth. The vibrations making you ache even more.

"Sam is gonna kill us," you whispered out breathlessly, careful not to break the kiss. Colby chuckled as you both refused to come up for air.

Suddenly he pulled back and looked around, both of your eyes now adjusting to the darkness. To your absolute luck, it seems he pushed you against the wall right next to a closet. "Fuck Sam." Colby smirked.

"I'd rather fuck you. Right now." You said extremely confidently, all of your nervousness and anxiety was far gone by this point.

"Fuck please do," Colby gasped as he looked down at you. He quickly grabbed your hands pulling you with him, "come on, there won't be any cameras in here." You both laughed as he tugged you into the tiny room filled with cleaning supplies. He closed the door behind you before pushing you back up against it. His lips instantly reconnecting with yours as he grabbed your hands, hoisting them over your head against the door. The kiss was like something you'd never experienced before, you could feel your body starting to beg for more. His hands found their way down your body and then up under your shirt as he felt your waist, pulling you closer to him. His lips left yours as his kissed down your jaw and onto your neck, sucking and biting in the most amazing places, sending your hormones into overdrive.

"Fuck Colby." You whispered out as you tried to hold in a moan. The sound of you moaning his name caused Colby to snap his head back to face you, as you could see the hunger in his eyes and he scrambled to undo your jeans. He pulled them down to your knees before reconnecting your lips again. He suddenly cupped his hand on your sex as you gasped, "fuck."

"Fuck baby, you're soaked for me already," Colby smirked as he began to move his hand along you over your underwear.

You couldn't fight it anymore, you needed him to touch you, you needed to feel him, "Colby... please..." you reluctantly begged.

Colby was taken back by your eagerness for him, "please what, baby?" He teased.

"Please just touch me already!" You shouted a little louder.

"Shhh baby," Colby whispered directly into your ear as you began to grind against his hand, "we don't wanna get caught so you have to promise me, if I do this, you'll be quiet."

"I will! I promise!" You said quickly, your breath restricting your ability to speak properly.

"That's my girl." Colby's voice was dominant and it made your heat pulsate, as he suddenly moved your underwear to one side, wasting no time and rubbing your clit instantly.

"Shit!" You moaned out as you pushed your mouth against Colby's shoulder to muffle your sounds. Colby kissed your neck intensely as he suddenly lifted down with his other hand and hoisted your leg up to rest of his hip, giving himself more access. Once he had more room, he quickly stuck two fingers up into your core as you moaned into his shoulder, biting him slightly to try and hide those sweet sounds of pleasure.

Colby groaned into your neck as your teeth sunk into him slightly. "Oh fuck..." he breathed out onto your neck.

He began thrusting his fingers, in and out picking up his pace quickly, curling them up and hitting your g-stop every time. You felt that familiar build up in your stomach as your climax was quickly approaching. "Don't stop." You gasped as he quickened his speed, pushing his fingers even deeper.

Colby could feel your walls clench around his fingers as he became excited to finally be inside you. "That's it baby, cum for me..."

That was all you needed to hear as your body exploded into ecstasy, your body overrun with pleasure. "Fuck!" You moaned loudly muffled by Colby's shoulder, as your teeth bite slightly harder.

Colby slowly pulled out his fingers slowly as he moved to look at you as you caught your breath, you watched as he placed his fingers between his lips and sucked them clean before he spoke, "fuck baby, I didn't think I could enjoy someone biting me so much in life." He quickly leaned in reconnecting your lips as the kiss once again was hot and passionate. You needed more, you needed him to feel as good as you did right now. You fumbled with his belt and you managed to get it undone, your lips pressed together as his tongue covered in your taste, explored your mouth. He pulled away just for second as he pulled down his leather pants, allowing them to fall to the floor as he moved his hands to grip the back of your knees. "Jump." He demanded, his voice lustful and seductive in every way.

You quickly jumped up wrapping your legs around his waist, doing as he told without question. You felt his hard cock already teasing your entrance as you whimpered for more. Colby grabbed his dick rubbing his tip along your soaked core as you let out moans and gasps. He held you up with ease as he slowly began to enter you, both of you moaning simultaneously. "Fuck... you're so tight." He groaned deeply sending shivers down your spine.

He quickly began to pull himself out and pushed himself back in deeper as you called out. He quickly connected your lips to swallow your moans. As he began to thrust in and out he didn't waste no time or show no mercy. He'd been wanting this all night and you could tell just how worth jeopardising the video, it really was to him. You both moaned out as that knot in your stomach quickly returned with each of his pushes. "Fuck.. Colby I'm- I'm gonna-" you could barely get any words out as you mumbled against his lips.

"Do it baby, let it go." His voice had a hold on you that you couldn't explain. Almost as though his demands had a magical control over your body. Your second orgasm hit, feeling even better than the last, your head becoming woozy as he picked up his pace, fucking you harder and faster as you grabbed the back of his head, tugging on his hair. "Fuck y/n... I'm gonna cum." He said honestly as you could feel him begin to twitch. "Where do you want me?" He asked.

You pulled away from his lips as you looked at him in the eyes, his thrusts powerful, "I told you... I want to taste you." You stuttered between moans.

A smile grew on Colby's face as he bit his lip, you were doing something to him that he had never felt before, "fuck yeah." He said as he suddenly slipped out of you, dropping your legs as you landed on your feet.

You wasted no time and slid your back down the door until you came face to face with his now throbbing cock. Colby gripped himself as he began to stroke, looking down at your beautiful face, using his other hand to cup your cheek as his thumb ran along your bottom lip. You parted your lips as he positioned himself and you quickly took as much as you could of him into your mouth as he moaned out louder himself this time, throwing his head back in pleasure. "Fuck y/n, just like that." You bobbed your head, taking the rest of him in your hand. Suddenly he looked down at you, "fuck... I'm cummin." Suddenly his groans were deeper and raspier as he watched your mouth surround his cock. You felt him twitch inside you, as it was quickly followed by his hot cum hitting the back of your throat. "Fuckkk..." he moaned as you slowly slid your head back off him, careful not to spill a drop. Colby looked down at you absolutely mesmerised by your beauty, as you showed him his cum sitting in the back on your throat. "Oh shit," he gasped as you smirked before swallowing every last drop. Colby reached down and tucked his hand around the side of your head, gesturing for you to stand up. As you rose to your feet he instantly kissed you. Only this time it must softer as you both caught your breath. "You... are incredible." He whispered as he pressed his forehead against yours.

You couldn't but smile as your breath slowly began to settle as did your heart rate, "right back at you, Brock."

You both chuckled as he kissed you sweetly one more time. "We better actually go and find this room..." Colby said with a slightly giggle.

You both bent down and grabbed your pants as you pulled them back up. "Y/b/f/n and Sam are going to kill us." You laughed as Colby done up his belt.

When you both finished he moved closer to you once again, as he lifted both his arms moving your hair to behind your shoulders as he cupped both sides of your face with his hands, "promise me, we can do that again." Colby said with a smile as he bit his lip.

"Fuck yeah.. maybe not in a janitors closet next time?" You laughed as you glanced around. Colby chuckled before kissing you one last time.

"Come on," he took your hand as you opened the door, grabbing the camera and continuing your mission.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Well well well..." Sam said as he and y/b/f/n sat on the floor in the witches attic. They both looked up at you and Colby, standing there, hand in hand. Y/b/f/n looked at you with the biggest smile, trying not to laugh. As Sam raised his eyes brows at you both, also his hardest not to laugh, "nice of you to join us..."

"I'm so sorry, we got lost-" you said as Colby squeezed your hand tighter, trying not to laugh.

Sam stood up looking at you both with squinted eyes. "Hmmm, lost my ass" he said as he looked at your hands holding tightly together.

Colby laughed finally, "yeah dude, we got lost..." you hid your face behind Colby's shoulder as you felt your cheeks burning up. "You may want me to edit this part though..." Colby said with a smirk.

Both Sam and y/b/f/n mouths dropped wide open, "I'm not even going to ask..." Sam said with a laugh.

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AUTHORS NOTE: hey guys, I hope you liked this! Let me know if there's anything you'd want to see! X

Wattpad: is propertyofyoutube

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[mcflymemes]

GONE GIRL (2014) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

what are you thinking? how are you feeling? what have we done to each other?

i felt i needed to shoot something.

we've never fucked in a bookstore.

you know i have to kiss you now.

sometimes i want to punch us in the face, we're so cute.

when you're upset, you bottle up.

brought you a present.

i need you. now. touch me.

that's very sweet of you and very unnecessary.

pour me a bourbon, would you?

it's a bad day.

i'm so crazy, stupid happy.

i met a boy. a great, gorgeous, sweet, cool-ass guy.

things could get ugly.

whose beer am i drinking?

i prefer men who are funny, not "funny."

i'm the guy to save you from all this awesomeness.

it's hard to believe you. i think it's your chin.

you are way too into that cat.

tell me how it ends.

i'm not someone who hits the panic button, but... it's weird, right?

you mind if we look around?

so what do you do now? for work.

perfect, time for a quick tour of my failings.

i love your parents, but they can be assholes.

people want to hear from you.

i thought that'd be embarrassing.

i am here on a strictly journalistic capacity.

[name], you are beyond amazing. you are incredibly smart but entirely unsnobby. you are kind, but never a martyr.

you surprise me. you challenge me.

isn't it time we fixed that?

we're going to take this very, very seriously.

i go there for the quiet.

we're still not sure what we're dealing with.

please don't take that tone with me.

everyone told us... and told us and told us... marriage is hard work.

technically we're supposed to fuck at the next stop.

books, sex, bourbon... life is good.

i knew you shouldn't have moved back here.

maybe i'll teach you a thing or two.

i'm a little drunk.

let's swear we will never be like them.

everything else is background noise.

why are you throwing that in my face again?

it's like you're daring me to be someone i don't want to be.

i'm not that person. i'm your wife.

suddenly i knew everything was about to get worse.

i'm asking you nicely.

everyone is projecting their shit onto me.

i feel like i could disappear.

i've been so worried about you.

i don't want to fight. i just want to be with you. that's all i want.

you fucking lied to my fucking face.

for valentine's day, i thought i'd buy a gun.

you have to fucking talk to me!

i'm not going to be scared anymore.

this man of mine may kill me.

men always use that as the defining compliment, don't they? she's a cool girl.

i will admit. for someone who likes to win, it's tempting to be the girl every guy wants.

we were happy pretending to be other people.

i need to show you something.

see we have the same taste in men.

you're reading it again? you know how it ends.

whatever the hell they found, we have to assume it's very bad.

everyone would hate me.

why are you so good to me?

my defense is the truth.

i've never seen it in my life.

i feel myself fading.

i just said what you wanted to hear.

take off your clothes.

i'm a fighter. i fought my way back to you.

kiss my cheek.

you're not at risk anymore.

you know you can sleep with me, right?

we should hold hands.

you called me a murderer.

i haven't touched you.

i've killed for you.

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