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icyg4l · 26 days

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PAC: Is Your Circle Trustworthy?

Hello beautiful people! I am so sorry for the wait, I've been busy with just enjoying what life has to offer. I really hope that you all are doing good! Today's reading is inspired by the people that are/were in my life that I've considered friends. I think that we all go through a period of time where we're questioning the people in our circles. Maybe it's because we're going through a period of transition, experiencing successes, experiencing painful moments, etc. I think that there is nothing wrong with this because we're all human at the end of the day. What aligns with us will stay, what doesn't will go. Also, please check out my Five Dollar Friday sale. It would mean a lot to me! Thank you! So with that being said, please pick the quote that resonates with you, my dear!

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-4)

Pile One: I think some of you work in an elderly home/nursing home. Maybe you’re working on getting your degree in nursing. I heard the line from Beyonce’s ‘Hold Up’ where she says “Something don’t feel right / ‘Cause it ain’t right”. I don’t think you guys have a good discernment. You don’t trust yourself so in return, you attract some questionable people. I get the feeling that you guys are like the friend that doesn’t know how to say no, so you end up getting taken advantage of. You guys remind me of a friend that I had once. I think that you need to start owning your power, realizing your worth. You can do this by spending more time by yourself. Once you start seeing how people interact with you as you step into your true self, you will see who stays and who will go. There is nothing wrong with a fresh start. You need to get real though. You need to clean house, babe. Nothing is permanent, so don’t force yourself to stick in a situation that you don’t need to be in.

Cards Used: 8 of Swords (RX), The Moon, The Devil, Queen of Discs, Strength, 4 of Swords, The Chariot.

extras: “the underdog”. independent not by choice. meditation. saturn in the 1st house. looking at the moon. empire (2015). solar system. planetarium. “they don’t wanna see me smile”. oh happy day.

Pile Two: I feel like you guys are going to a concert soon. You could have made up with a friend that you fell out with and now you’re wondering if they have good intentions this time. They have changed for the better, I see. It takes two to tango is the energy that I am getting from this. There’s no fingers to point here. You both did your dirt but after some time apart, you’ve come to acknowledge your part in the ending of the friendship. I think that you guys have a good circle around you within this friendship and outside of your friendship. But you guys do not need to befriend your co-workers. Keep that to a minimum. This goes for any classmates that you think are cool too, lol. I see that you’ll be turned off by their behavior very quickly. But you have a good circle overall, just don’t let your ego ruin your friendships. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Cards Used: 5 of Swords, 6 of Swords, Ace of Cups, 9 of Cups, Temperance, The Sun.

extras: childhood best friends. autism. “stand back!” thumbs down. 2009. new boyz.

Pile Three: For this pile, I heard “divinely orchestrated”. I think your circle is perfect just the way it is. You are spiritually bonded to the people that are your friends right now. They have pure intentions. This could be your chosen family. You’ve chosen correctly. For some of you, your circle consists of mostly your biological family. Your guides approve of the people around you so much. I think that you will be lifelong friends with these people. I am seeing some distance between you and these people though, physical distance to be exact. Did you move or are you planning to move? I feel like your circle wants you to make the move if you haven’t. They see that you are bored and fed up with your current environment. They will always be there for you. You’re right where you need to be and you have the support around you, just do it!

Cards Used: Temperance, 10 of Pentacles, 7 of Discs, King of Cups, The Hierophant, Ace of Discs.

extras: polaroid cameras. divinity. todrick hall. twitter memes. “fall flat”. chasing fame. smalltown girl.

Pile Four: At one point, your circle was perfect for you. But I think that you have outgrown it. I feel like at the beginning of this friendship, you were insecure. Perhaps, you and these other people bonded over traumas or a common enemy/disdain for something. Maybe you were both impulsive teenagers who hated the world. Now, you don’t want this friendship in your life anymore. You’ve done some soul searching. This person is still on the same shit. Now there is some tension that has risen between the two of you. You want more for yourself, but this person doesn’t. If you don’t cut this person/these people off, they will take you down with them. I feel like this person is immature. They lack the emotional maturity to see how their lack of growth is detrimental to this friendship. They don’t really appreciate it like they should. I feel like this person has ego trips that you’re just now noticing. I heard, “Don’t save her / She don’t wanna be saved”. This person is judgmental and it’s best that you get away from them for your own good. I am channeling the energy of Nancy from The Craft. This person could be doing witchcraft on you if you know they engage in that stuff. Be careful, Pile Four.

Cards Used: Judgment, The Empress (RX), Justice, 2 of Discs, The Moon, The Hierophant (RX), 10 of Discs, The Hermit.

extras: beignets. spiritual/religious awakening. take me to church by hozier. army-bound. powerful.

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lurkingshan · 3 months

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Cherry Magic Episode 12

MY HEART IS FO FULL. This adaptation has exceeded my wildest expectations to become one of my favorite bls of all time. They really put their backs into it and gave us everything we could want for these characters, and I will always be grateful. This show managed to be a faithful manga adaptation, a loving homage to the jbl, and a fresh take on the story all at once. An amazing feat to pull off and this creative team deserves so much love and kudos.

The way Achi and Karan have grown together over the course of this show has been fantastic to witness. I love how seriously the show took their growth, and that we got to see them put in the work to improve their communication and become a great team. Meeting the parents was a big step for them, especially because they were uncertain how their respective families would react, but I loved that they were so open with each other throughout about how they were feeling. I loved, too, that we got a contrast, with Achi's mom being so warm and loving (but still managing to get a dig in on her son, lmao) and Karan's being more avoidant and passive aggressive and needing a talking to her from her eldest child to get her shit together. I love that the drama created space for things to not go perfectly with the parents, and to show us that people can be moved to acceptance.

We got a bit of a parallel with that message in Jinta and Min's story this week, with Min's fans initially attacking Jinta, but backing off once Min named him as his faen and asked them to respect his relationship. I like the choice to model positive fan behavior, and it felt a bit pointed from this production company. Both with Pai and now with this new group of fans, the show has said consistently that being a fan should be about love and support, not control. That you can admire your idols but you also need to give them privacy. That it's not your place to judge who they love. I just love that message.

Of course, I have to talk about the mutual proposal and the wedding. I am pretty sure Karan has been carrying that ring around in his pocket since the second day of dating, but it was such a welcome surprise to see that Achi had already made his own plans, too. The show really succeeded in taking this relationship from something that felt a little one-sided to a very mutual partnership I can believe in. I teared up when right along with Karan when Achi followed Karan's proposal with his own, and you could see how much it meant to him to know that Achi is really truly on the same page. Getting to see their wedding and the love surrounding them on their special day was the cherry (lol) on top of this fantastic love story. I also absolutely loved the wink to the jbl elevator non-kiss in the way they framed their final married couple kiss and then cut away from the bed.

Continuing the love fest, I also love the changes this version made to the side couple's story. Min getting to fulfill his dream, Jinta being an excellent supportive partner, their agreement that they will marry someday when they're ready--it was all just lovely. The nod to the jbl pen proposal was cute, and I love that they took it a step further by drawing rings on each other. The flip in the sexual relationships was also quite welcome, with that triumphant arc reserved for the main couple in this version. Jinta ended the show with his magical powers still intact, but it didn't seem like that would be the case for long.

As for Rock and Pai, I am happy with how the show handled their story. To the end, Pai stayed true to herself, and Rock came to know her better and understand what kind of romantic relationship he could reasonably expect from her. She will always have her head more on her ships than on her own love life, and he seems okay with it. I think you can still take an aroace read on this Pai if you choose, and I appreciate that the show made space for that. I like, too, that Pai helped Rock reconnect with his own passion for dancing and find a fun outlet for his creativity. They were another reinforcement of this show's overarching themes about the importance of kindness, support, and clear communication in relationships.

This show left me with such a warm feeling. I'm so glad they stuck the landing, that episode 8 never happened, and that we can rewatch and remember this Cherry Magic so fondly. I never expected Thailand to go so above and beyond the original live action drama, but they have undoubtedly delivered my favorite version of this story.

#cherry magic th #cherry magic thailand #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

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legendofmorons · 4 months

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Twilight x reader

Fluff maybe angst (this week really tired me out)

Can you do a fic where the reader and twilight (and maybe others your pick) go drinking and drunken shenanigans ensue.

Thanks :)

Hammered, sloshed if you will

Pairing: Twilight x reader

Rating: T

Summary: You and Twilight go out and get drunk, get into a huge fight over literally nothing, and end up comforting each other the day after.

Warnings: alcohol, drunk behavior, Reader thinks Twilight cheats (He Does NOT. He would NEVER.)

Other: reader is assumed to be of legal drinking age.

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You can't remember who's idea it was, but now you're out at a tavern. The Hyrule you're in is somewhere in the early two thousands if all the leopard print, ultra low-rise jeans, and skinny scarfs are any indication.

Twilight is punching the air to a pit bull song as he happily drinks his long Island iced tea.

You've got whatever drink you like.

You and Twilight are both about five drinks in, and two rounds of shots have already passed.

"You should let me teach you lime dancin', honey." Twilight says with a grin.

"You should learn more modern line dancing." You counter, taking a sip of your own drink.

"What does that mean?" Twilight asks, eyes narrowing.

"You could learn some dances too? I could teach you!" You smile, unaware in the shift of mood.

"You think I can't learn?" Twilight is apparently too drunk to hear what you said.

You don't think that at all!

"Of course you can learn. I can teach you!" You're still smiling. You'd love to teach him!

"I can totally learn!" Twilight shouts, "I'll go dance right now!"

"Okay?" You manage, confused and a little annoyed.

Twilight downs the rest of his drink and goes to join the crowd that's line dancing.

You have to give it to him, he picks it up quickly. Though there's a smiling woman who's maybe a little too friendly. She's helping him too.

Does he think she's better than you?

He does.

You turn back to your drink, deciding it's better not to watch.

But then you've gone through another drink and can't find Twilight anywhere.

He's probably off kissing that stupid woman.

Obviously you should drink some more. That'll make you feel better.

When the bartender cuts you off, you decide it's probably time to go home. Even if Twilight is kissing someone else you want him to not get lost.

So, you go and track him down.

Twilight is still talking to the woman from earlier. Something about horse care? He probably heard you coming over and changed topics.

(He did not. This woman is a Lesbian and just bad at proper social interactions. Also Twilight would never cheat on anyone.)

"We're leaving. Whenever you're done." You say with a sigh, annoyed at the whole thing.

"You never believe in my dancing!" Twilight says as he whirls around.

"What are you talking about? I love when you dance!"

"You fo not!"

"I totally do!"

"You don't believe in anything!"

"You're being ridiculous!"

"Just leave without me."

"No. You're stupid and wrong, and you're irritating, but I'm not leaving you somewhere you can't get home from."

"Just go away!"

"Link." You say evenly, trying really hard to remember you're probably super drunk and shouldn't run your mouth more than you have.

"I don't care. Just let me be."

"I will, as soon as we're at the hotel."

Twilight looks like he might keep arguing. But he seems to think better of it. "Whatever. Just leave me alone when we're there."

The taxi ride back to the hotel is stifling. You're annoyed as all hell, and Twilight won't stop glaring out the window. You'd swear he has upset upsetness rolling off him in waves.

After paying the driver and giving a tip, ypu amd Twilight March through the hotel halls.

You got to your room, and straight to the shower. You think you deserve one.

Unfortunately after your shower you find a pouting Twilight.

"Time said I gotta sleep here." Twilight says woth a frown.

"Whatever." You shrug him off, pulling on pajamas.

"Whatever?"

"I just want to sleep." You say as you flop onto bed.

"Then we understand eachother."

"Link, shut the fuck up. I just wanna sleep." You groan. You hadn't meant to sound so rude, but it still happened. You'll apologize later.

-------

Morning comes with chirping birds and blinding sun. Your head pounds in time to what can only be an eclectic drumset played by a monkey.

Great.

You need to figure out how much you drank last night. You want to male sure you don't do it again.

You throw your arm out and accidentally smack Twilight's nose.

"Ow." Twilight groans, "What'd I do?"

"Nothing. Sorry." You squint as you roll over to look at him.

Twilight looks about as bad as you feel. He must have also had too much.

"What happened last night?"

"Dunno. I think we got in a fight or something."

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I dunno, just am. Words are hard.... but I wanna say sorry for my part."

"Aw, Link, it's okay." You smile as you set your head on his chest.

Twilight throws one arm across his eyes. His other arm loops around your shoulders. "Let's go back to sleep."

"Okay."

Twilight's breathing is still slow and steady. But he isn't asleep quite yet.

"I'm sorry too." You admit, "I think I was mean last night."

"It's okay. I'm not mad at you, (Y/n). Just- don't let me drink that much ever again."

"I won't."

#lu #linkeduniverse #misty writes #linked universe x reader #lu twilight #lu twilight x reader #tw drinking #cw drinking

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catdia · 11 months

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Random Morales Twins Headcanons

Earth!1610 is referred as Miles

Earth!42 is referred as Milan

**Some grammar mistakes may be present! English is not my first language. I will be back on a later date to revise it.**

Miles likes salty snacks better than sweet. He likes chips and beef jerky. While Milan is a sweets guy, cakes and flan are his favorites.

Milan gives Miles his leftovers, and Miles gives him his dessert. At school, they trade their snacks with each other. Rio sometimes packs Milan more salty stuff and he gives them to Miles.

They frequently go to a corner shop to buy snacks. The owner even knows what they are getting before they pay. A bottled coke and Oreos for Milan. A blue Gatorade and plantain chips for Miles.

Milan was born a few minutes after Miles. He was also a weak baby, he almost didn’t make it and was put on life support.

He also has asma and carries around his pump. Even Miles has one on him at all times just in case.

Miles was the fat twin! He got bullied in elementary school and Milan always came to his rescue. Punching bullies left and right. He was the only one how could make fun of his brother and no one else!

The principle called their parents more than one time a month thanks to his behavior issues. But like Miles chubbiness they slowly grew out of it.

Milan still stayed the grumpy and slightly violent twin. His other half stayed sweet and ball of sunshine.

Miles is taller and lanky. Milan is on the shorter side but stronger than Miles. He has a pull up bar on his door frame thanks to his uncle telling him that girls like buff guys.

Speaking of girls, Milan is the fuck boy of the two. Miles is very awkward when it comes to love, I see him getting that from Jeff.

Miles seems more like a romantic type of guy. While Milan just doesn’t naturally put so much effort into love. I see that changing when he get older and meets someone that truly listens and appreciates him like a lover.

Milan has definitely tried sneaking girls in, but Rio has that Boricua spider sense and always catches him. She beats him with the holy trinity after: the chancla, the belt, and the broom stick.

They rough house a lot! Like they are in the kitchen with Rio and they just take any reason to tackle each other.

Mami wants help with cooking? They fight for which one of them is going to chop the onions.

Dad wants help with moving the TV? Cue them on the floor and bitting each other.

One time things got out of hand when they were alone. Rio and Jeff were on a date. They were arguing over the last pice of cake they had in the fridge. And they started shoveling each other. As they were pulling each others hair, Milan lifted Miles over the sofa and he felt on top of the coffee table breaking it’s legs.

When Rio and Jeff came back they were greeted with the body gluing it back together.

“Mom, it was an accident I swear!”

“Nah mami he broke it with his fat ass.”

Milan is always throwing his twin under the bus. But only on the little things! He knows how to keep his other secrets between themselves.

Milan is the most fashionable twin. His colors are purple, green, black and gray.

Miles are black, red, blue, and white.

Uncle Aaron has many old 80s and 90s clothes in several boxes inside his closet. Milan always asks Aaron when the twins visit if he has any of his old cloths he can have. Aaron had nice taste back them!

I believe Milan knew that he was the Prowler way before Miles did. One time the twins stayed over watching Aaron’s apartment when he was away for a “job” (aka murder and robberies) and Milan when into his room to steal a jacket. As he looked around the clothing a box fell from the top of the racks. It hit the twin on the head. The contents of it were and the floor and his face. He took the item of his face.

“What the…”

Milan held up a busted up mask that looked exactly like the one the villain had a few years back. He made the connections and quickly put everything back. Forgetting even what he was looking for in the first place. He went back to the living room pale, in shock.

“Are you ok? You look like you saw a ghost.” Miles said from his spot on the sofa, drawing in his notebook.

“Yeah…” Milan said out of character looking at his hands. He pasted out on the carpet.

“Milan!”

Milan likes going to thrift stores and vintage shops to find his clothes. He drags Miles along because he needs to get out of those sports clothes.

Miles is groaning under the insane amount of cloths in his arms as his twin shops for himself.

Milan threw another pair of pants on the pail in Miles hands. He couldn’t even see Miles anymore.

“Milan I don’t even want this stuff!”

“Well you sure do need it. Know shut up and try those things on.”

Miles came out with a full outfit. Oversized zip up hoodie, white sleeve undershirt, printed tee, blue jeans, and another pair of trainers. Thank god! He took off his Jordans for once in his life!

Miles looked himself in the mirror. Milan had a grin on his face.

“I look good!”

“Of course you look good. I put it together after all.”

He’s going to get Miles some hoes!!!

Both of the boy love there parents equally but mama Rio is their favorite. She could be watching novelas on the sofa and if one of the twins sees her she’s going to have a grown has man sitting on her lap.

They put their head on her chest and smell her.

And she likes it too! She’s all like: “¡Mi Bebe hermoso! Estas tan grande. Quiero que te pongas chiquito otra vez.” Rio kisses their cheeks and squishes them.

If Miles is the first one to get on Rios lap and Milan sees it he is throwing a hissy fit. He tries pushing Miles off.

“¡Déjame un ratito! Ma tell him his breaking your legs.”

“Why don’t you go with dad?”

“Because he doesn’t cuddle me right! Ma does it better!”

Jeff heard that and got all sad. Later at night he was crying to Rio asking her if he was a good cuddle buddy. She lied to him haha.

Miles hobby/talent is drawing and I believe that Milan’s is music. Milan with a raspy and romantic singing voice?!? Yes please! I believe he likes to do rap and classic pop.

He writes his own lyrics and his uncle composes tracks for him to practice on. Aaron even installed a soundproof room for Milan. And an art studio for Miles with expensive paints and pencils.

The twins go to each other for constructive criticism. They take their words to heart and help each other out. Even if they have girl trouble they go to each other first and then Uncle Aaron.

They definitely practice the shoulder touch on each other. Faking to barf when they say “Hey…” to each other.

On the weekends if their parents are working they take lunch to them. Milan is the chef of the family making them a Tupperware of rice, pollo asado (which is a type of Puerto Rican chicken), and sweet plantains. Miles only stares at his brother. Only there for taste testing. Miles ate almost half of the plantains before Milan even started plating the food.

Miles looked at the servings and saw almost 10 Tupperwares more that there should be.

“Are you going to bring some for the nurse mami works with?”

“Yep! You know how much those girls love them. They can’t get enough of me. Have you seen other patients get more that one lollipop? No you haven’t!”

“The only reason they give you so much candy is because you ask another one every five minutes we are there.”

“Shut up!”

They first stop was the police station. They made fun of there dad every time they were there. The receptionist also played their game. Milan handed her a plate of hot food. Miles was looking around then his brother can back with two cuffs. And told his brother the plan.

They sat in the section were they typically put the criminals. A room with big glass windows. Putting on the cuffs. They gave the receptionist a thumbs up. The speaker sounded.

“Officer Jefferson Davis, there is two young males waiting for temporary incarceration.”

Their dad came to view, coffee in hand. As soon as he saw HIS sons in the glass chamber he dropped his coffee cup and his jaw slacked. Milan banged the glass with his cuffed hands.

“Your delinquent sons are here!”

Miles rubbed his face on the glass. Milan did the same. The people of the station looked at him in weird ways.

“You damned kids. Get out of there your embarrassing me!”

He gave his sons a good chuck to the head earning laughs from them. Miles gave him the food and Jeff wanted to not feel happy about the hot meal. The kids ran out the satiation.

“This doesn’t make me feel any better, boys!”

Jeff screamed out. He loved those kids a little to much.

They later went to the hospital. They arrived a few minutes before there mom got off for lunch. Milan handed out the rest of the food to the nurses. With a big grin on his face. The lady’s pinched his cheeks in gratitude. Their mom got word her sons were here. And it wasn’t word of mouth it was because the nurses were going crazy for them.

“¡Mira estos nenes tan lindos!”

“Ma!”

“Mom!”

They hugged their mom and handed her the last plate. She looked absolutely delighted. The boys said their goodbyes. They peeled themselves from the nurses. Now they headed towards Uncle Aaron’s place to relax, to draw and rap.

#prowler miles #miles morales #earth 1610 #earth 42 miles angst #spiderverse spoilers #into the spider verse #across the spiderverse #aaron davis #rio morales #headcanon

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ash-writies · 2 years

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ask: Oki so i'm here, Can you make a Connor x period! reader thanks again

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A/n: ofc shawty, thanks for sending :> I never usually see people write about periods so I didn't really know what to do with this one... Remember to drink water and do a bit of exercise! (I know nobody feels like doing that on their period but it might make you feel better lol) Asks are still open and I'm working on making a bingo thing so look out!

Summary: After having a rough day at work (and on your period i might add) Connor helps you relax at home.

Warnings: periods :V

~700 words

Connor noticed something was wrong. He was staring at you, as he usually does, and noticed the change in your body. You crossed your legs and leaned forward, as if you were really interested in your screen all of a sudden.

Connor stood and crossed to your desk, “how are you doing y/n?”

“I’m fine,” you smiled, “what about you?”

“I’m doing good, thanks for asking,” he recited, leaning forward, “are you sure you’re fine? Your body temperature has increased and you seem restless.”

“I’m sure Connor!” you snapped, going back to your work.

He analyzed your behavior and body language, “apologies, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“That’s- It’s alright Connor. I just need to finish this, we’ll talk after work alright?”

“Ofc y/n. I’m getting off early to stop by Hank’s house, I’ll see you at home though.” he said, smiling.

You bit your lip, suppressing a frown, “alright.” He smiled, pressed a kiss to your forehead, and went back to work.

When he left work, you still had a solid half hour of work left. You huffed and squirmed in your seat, trying to relieve the pressure in your stomach. You tried to ignore it as you finished your work, wanting to get home before the medicine properly wore off. As you closed the final tab you all but jumped out of your seat. You couldn’t wait to get home and drink something warm and eat something sweet, no savory, no sour- you’d figure it out when you got there. These cravings were gonna be the death of you.

You fumbled with the lock before stepping into your apartment. Everything felt different. It was really clean and it smelt like a cinnamon candle was lit. You kicked your shoes off and set them next to the door. You slowly made your way through the dimly lit hallway. As you entered the living room, you set your jacket and bags on the end table, finally noticing Connor siting on the couch. He was facing forward, eyes shut and LED a steady blue.

You walked in front of him, leaning forward to embrace him, “hey Connor,” you whispered into his hair.

You felt him smile into your shoulder, “good evening y/n. Are you feeling better?”

“Kind of. Sorry about earlier, I was just having a rough day with the case work and on top of that my period started this morning.”

“I understand,” he began.

“No, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“It’s alright, but if you want to make it up to me you can wait in the bedroom,” he said with a smirk.

“Con-”

“I mean, you don’t have to~” he teased.

You looked down at him and groaned, “fine.”

“Great!” he smiled brightly, “I’ll be there in a moment! Just get comfortable!”

You walked to the bathroom to exchange your menstrual product for a new one. While you were at it you took off your jeans and swapped them with a pair of baggy shorts. After you washed and dried your hands you opened the door and, with a running start, jumped face first onto bed.You sighed into the blankets and turned onto your back, waiting for your boyfriend to come back.

Just as you thought he was taking too long he walked into the room. He was just wearing loose sweatpants and was carrying a mysterious box. You watched his artificial muscles flex as he climbed onto the bed.

“In my research I’ve found, that on occasion, menstraters can crave certain foods,” he handed you the box and continued, “so I’ve collected some of your favorite snacks. I’ve also heard that chocolate is good for this occasion.”

“Connor, thank you so much!” You set the box on your nightstand and pulled Connor onto you.

“It’s no problem,” he laughed. He settled his face on your stomach and wrapped his arms around your hips as you began to open the box. Admiring the contents of the box, you felt your stomach warm and the pain fade away.

You brushed your fingers over his cheeks, “is it safe for you to do that?”

“Probably, I haven’t received any warnings yet,” he said pulling you closer.

“Just don’t push yourself,” you muttered.

“I won’t,” he smiled.

You couldn’t help smiling in return, “man, I really have the best boyfriend.”

#submission #connor detroit bh #connor rk800 #rk800 #connor rk800 x reader #rk800 x reader #connor x reader #connor x you #connor x y/n #Detroit become human #asks open #asks are always appreciated #ask me #answered

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lycanlovingvampyre · 1 year

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MAG 187 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: taking a bath.

Lol, that elevator music xD

HELEN: "So, where’s the old ball and chain?" Fucking Helen... Always talking about others in a degrading way... Also typical narcissistic behavior, pushing others down in order to feel like they’re better.

JON: "You hoped that by nudging us past his domain, Martin would still be there when I arrived… so I would have to pass through on my own. Apparently, you were right." HELEN: "I thought you said you weren’t going to look inside people’s heads?" JON: "I thought you said you weren’t people." HELEN: "Touché." JON: "Well, for what it’s worth, I have tried not to look inside you." By now Jon has seen enough of the Distortion's behavior as Helen, it has become easy to predict what she's up to.

HELEN: "… He’s still so new to all of this, caught up in ideas of justice and ‘solving’ things. Sure, he can wave away the theoretical idea of people suffering…" JON: "But if he sees it up close, he might try to get his boyfriend to smite you?" I feel like Jon likes the sound of that. His boyfriend.

JON: "I’m trying to ‘know’ if there’s another route I can take." HELEN: "And?" JON: "Turns out there is, actually. But it is rather full of spiders." Coincident? I think not!!! The Web wants Jon to pass on the Fears.

HELEN: "The tape recorder feels more, um… awake." Hmmm, I wonder in what sense... The tape recorders have already been very actively clicking themselves on (or appearing at all) in S4. Is it just because the Web is now in this world instead of lurking at the edges?

HELEN: "Even though I saved you from Michael." The Distortion saved itself from Michael. Suddenly putting itself clearly on the side of "I am not your friend" is not what the Distortion is about. Besides, if it had killed Jon, the "Wonderland" of an Eyepocalyse, which is oh so loved by the Distortion, would have been delayed.

JON: "I liked Helen." HELEN: "I am Helen." JON: "The real one." It is consistent for his character, but I find it funny that Jon seems to bond with people rather quickly. He knew Helen for 20 minutes. He knew Jordan for 20 minutes.

JON: "True. But as you’ll recall, I was pretty paranoid myself at that point." HELEN: "So what? You saw yourself in her? A sad reflection? A possible future?" Hmmm, maybe it's the same with Jordan. He bonded with him over his experience with the Corruption.

HELEN: "Oh, Jon! This existence can be wonderful, if you just let it." JON: [Sadly] "I know." :( He could just give up. Resign himself to his role as Archivist... Reminds me of working in retail, for example. Other people get sent to ware house duty because they're too rude be around customers. While I have to do the dirty work with customers because I care too much about not being an asshole. Or like working in a team with the same pool of work load. Others put their feet up, after all the work gets done by the others. But I don't want to be someone like that. I don't think I could be someone like that...

JON: "I see. How long have you been working with Elias?" HELEN: "I’m not." JON: [Faux-shocked] "Helen! Is that… a lie?" HELEN: "No! No, it’s not. I don’t know him. I’ve never even – Look, I’m happy here, all right?" Changing the subject, hehe... We know, that it was Elias who sent og!Helen to the Institute. Did he also suggest that Helen will probably be confused after her statement so there’s high chances of her finally walking through his door? Was it also Elias who sent Michael to Sasha, so they could find out to use CO2 extinguishers against Prentiss?

HELEN: "You are so difficult to like sometimes. I’ve been nothing but nice to you." JON: "Maybe that’s why I never trusted you." Ohhh, yes, I've talking about this in another post already. I'm super wary of people who are immediately over-the-top nice to me. That's very often a facade which hides a very ugly personality. (Also, that was a lie again. Helen threatened him in MAG 157, so not very nice. But very typical for that personality again. Stating untrue things in a beneficial and factual way, suggesting you should believe it.)

(STATEMENT) "Well, not a dead end. It’s a door that says ‘Honeymoon Suite’." HELEN: [Saucy] "Currently unoccupied…" (STATEMENT) "I turn to retrace my steps. I must have taken a wrong urn." HELEN: "Just in case you and Martin were looking for a room." Pfff, Helen is so pushy and nosy regarding things which are absolutely none of her business.

"How long… How long has Alex been alone now? " Ha! Another character called Alex!

The sound of laughter during the statement. So mean...

"She’d love nothing more than to help me, although she does hate to see me check out, it’s always so hard on her when guests leave." Making you feel bad for a totally normal thing...

VICTIM: "I don’t know how long I’ve been here." JON: "Look. I’m so sorry –" VICTIM: "You’ve got to help me!" JON: [Angrily] "Don’t touch me!" It's a stressful situation, but you're always allowed to set boundaries. No one gets to touch you when you don't want to. Again, it's just a shitty situation all over like so many others in TMA. Also, especially understandable that it’s Jon who doesn’t want to be touched... So many have hurt him..

HELEN: "Oopsie. Not so easy, is it? Keeping up your humanity?" Oh yeah, and then making you feel bad for setting boundaries...

JON: "You’re dangerous because for all the torture and cruelty, you still somehow got us to think you’re our friend." Mentioned it in MAG 183 (I think?) already that I'm not sure, what's more dangerous. More straight up hostile Helen. Or fun Helen. The one that makes you laugh about all her little manipulative comments. Schrödinger’s douchebag: Come on, don't be like that, it was just a joke!

JON: "No, you are the question of “What lurks behind a smile?” Is a friendship true, or is it reaching out with hands that cut you?" Being wary of the people who are over-the-top friendly... JON: "And when one face finally stopped smiling, you just changed the face." Helen taking over from Michael.

HELEN: "Fine. So if that’s all true… why? Why would I do any of that? What’s my actual motive?" JON: "I don’t think you even have one. It’s just what you are." I have asked myself this question so many times. And I've come to the same conclusion. There is no grand motive behind that. Just doing it over and over again, torturing others, they like that. The feeling of being able to make a person so submissive, so obedient that they will do everything to stay your friend. It makes me sick... I have once asked one of my “Helens” if she knows that those things she did are horrible. She got all smug and said yes and that she likes it and is proud of it. Fucking hell..

JON: "I will end you." [SILENCE BUT FOR SOME CREAKING] JON: "What, nothing? No smirk? A laugh? I’ve got you rattled." HELEN: "I’m not scared of you." JON: "Helen… Was that… a lie?" Smug and badass Jon is back, yaaaaaaaaaay!

JON: "Urgh!" [A STRANGE SOUND RINGS OUT AS THE ARCHIVIST REAPPEARS IN THE WASTELAND] MARTIN: "Christ, Jon!" JON: [Groggy] "Oh, Martin! Good." MARTIN: "Wh– Wh-wh-what… What happened? Th-th-there was the hotel and then…" Hmmm, I like the headcanon that Martin saw (and heard) something in the sky shifting and and suddenly, like "the sky ate him" but in reverse, it spits out Jon and Martin catches him^^ The soundscaping suggests otherwise though. After "Christ Jon" and during "Oh, Martin! Good." there's rubble to be heard, like climbing over debris. And only after "What happened?" we hear fabric rustling. So sounds to me like Jon fell out of the sky in front of Martin, then gets up and they hug.

JON: "Do you? Want to mourn?" MARTIN: "… A bit, I guess. I-I mean, she was our friend. Sort of. A bit." It's okay to be upset losing a "friend" like this. After all, there most definitely were fun times too, if it was just awful, you probably wouldn't have become their friend, after all.

@a-mag-a-day

#a-mag-a-day #mag 187 #tma #tma spoilers

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theunbearableweightofpedropascal · 10 months

Text

Through the Grapevine P.2

Frankie Morales x Female Reader

Part 1 here

Author's Note: Sorry for the long hiatus, I had like no motivation and so many ideas. Idk if I'm back but enjoy this mini-fic 😊

Summary: After meeting Frankie you can't stop thinking about him, so you drive by his shop for an oil change of course. 18+ minors dni

Warnings: oral (m. receiving), slight stalkery behavior, age gap (dealer's choice how big), unabashed debauchery.

Word Count: 1.7k

You were waiting for something to go wrong in your car and for once it’s fine. You can’t just show up to the shop with a perfectly fine car. And asking for Frankie like you’re friends, he could turn you away and the potential embarrassment is enough to stop that plan.

Did he even want to see you again? He did say that you were more than a little young for him, not to mention the fact that your parents are dating. But he did eat you out like a man that just got out of prison. Before you could stop yourself you look up the address of the auto shop, you could drive by to see if they’re busy.

Before you know it you’re pulling into the lot, you decide to use the excuse of needing an oil change. Which turns out to be a good one because you can’t remember the last time it was done. Walking into the lobby you see a vacant front desk, after looking around you deduce that everyone must be busy already. Although tempted to walk right back out, you take a seat on one of the lounge chairs and scroll through your phone.

“Sorry for the wait, we're a little backed up today. How can I help ya?” A blonde man with a buzzcut asks you while using a cloth to wipe his hands. You look at the name stitched onto his uniform ‘Will’. Will’s blue eyes both unnerve and amaze you.

“It’s fine um, Frankie said he could change my oil today?” You move to meet him as he goes behind the counter to check their schedule. Although he nods he looks a little confused since you're not in the line up.

With furrowed brows Will excuses himself, and leaves you at the counter to go through the back doors towards Frankie’s office. He knocks before he enters seeing Fish doing paperwork. “Hey man there’s a girl out there sayin’ you said you’d squeeze her in for an oil change today.”

Frankie looks up at Will with a scrunched face, confusion clear on his face. “Who?”

“I didn’t get a name Fish. I thought I’d check in with you first cause she called you by name.”

“What does she look like?” Frankie couldn’t recall personally telling anyone he’d do their oil change. Ever. As Will begins describing you to Frankie, he puts his head in his hands and laughs but it’s devoid of humor.

Will halts his sentence to ask, “So you do know her?”

Frankie gets up from his chair fixing Will’s confused stare with a self assured smile. “Yeah. I’ll take care of her.”

When Will comes back with Frankie, he looks just as good as the first time you saw him. Maybe even better. His uniform was unzipped and tied around his waist, leaving his white shirt underneath riddled with stains. His arms had oil marks on them as well bringing attention to his softened muscles. His staple hat was backwards, matting his chocolate curls to his forehead.

You see the recognition in Frankie's crinkled eyes. His eyes narrow intently staring at you, probably wondering why you’re at his job. His eyes travel down your body while his tongue darts out to lick his lips. He couldn’t stop thinking about you these past couple weeks, he almost caved first and asked his dad about you.

“Good news, Frankie said he could squeeze you in but I gotta get back.” Will smiles before heading back over to the garage.

“You’re just insatiable aren’t you?” Frankie looks at you knowing exactly why you’re here but he’s just as excited as you are. He sees you lean forward against the counter giving him a nice view down your v-neck.

“How could I not be?” You question with hooded eyes. Frankie has to admit that your persistence is both sexy and annoying.

As much as he loves the back and forth banter with you, it could continue back in his office. When he grabs your hand to guide you through the back you can’t stop the cheesy smile taking over your face. His office is about as messy as you expect it to be with a comfy couch in the corner stocked with blankets.

“Don’t tell me you sleep here.” You turn to chastise Frankie as he leans against his desk.

“Sometimes I do but it’s mostly for my daughter.” His response has you snaking your arms around his neck. “You wanna tell me why you’re here? I know it’s not for a fucking oil change.” His hands glide over your body until he rested them on your hips, squeezing.

“Actually I could use one since I can’t remember the last time it was done.” You sheepishly admit. The searing gaze he puts you under should intimidate you, yet you can’t help but clench your thighs together.

Thinking that he’s moved on you feel him rub his hands all over your jean clad ass bringing you closer than before. You slowly bring your lips closer to his intending to close the last bit of distance between you. That is until you feel a burning sensation on your right cheek, quickly realizing that he just fucking spanked you. You rear back from him giving him an incredulous stare unable to believe he actually spanked you. His proud smirk makes you even more angry.

“Frank-” your soon to be tirade was cut off by Frankie lips capturing yours in a heated kiss. You instantly melt into it, craving everything he can give you. Neither of you waste time, his hands pull your hips flush against his. You feel his tongue push roughly into your mouth, the feeling sending a jolt to your stomach. You don’t know if the throbbing you feel is from your core or his. Your hands comb down his torso while his hands find their way into your jean skirt. You break the kiss first aiming your hand for the double knot in front of his uniform. There is no resistance from Francisco as you lower your knees to the carpet.

Frankie is aching at the thought of what you're about to do, he can feel the wet spot of his pre-cum growing. His hands grip the edge of the desk while you run your hands up and down his thighs. When you finally hook your fingers into his boxers, you kiss his very hard cock through the fabric before pulling them down. The sensation has his hips involuntarily jerk toward you. With you smiling through your lashes at him Frankie knew he wasn’t lasting long.

With his boxers gone you see him thick, veiny, and curved. You lick up the pre-cum spreading on his tip before enveloping him fully in your mouth. Frankie’s hands transition from gripping the desk to grabbing a fistfull of your hair. He lets out a slew of hushed profanities while you bob your head up and down his length.

Your tongue licks over his vein and he lets out a loud moan. Frankie can feel his load building and he gently rocks his hips in tandem with your mouth. Your warmth surrounds him, taking him eagerly making it harder for him to keep quiet. You can tell he’s close when he pulses in your mouth and his hips stutter in their steady rhythm. Frankie cums in spurts down your throat, seemingly deflating into the desk.

Detaching your mouth from his member with a ‘pop’ you sit back on your heels readying yourself to get up. Frankie grabs your arms, carefully standing you back up before fixing his uniform bottom.

“That was-” Frankie’s would be praise gets cut off by you.

“The best head I’ve ever given, you should count yourself lucky.” Frankie chuckles at your disheveled appearance. Thanks to him your hair was noticeably unruly, knees aching, and a tender jaw. Frankie slinks his way up to you rubbing your jaw with his thumb before giving you a kiss.

“I do. Wait here I’ll get you a gatorade and start working on your car.” He motions for you to sit on the couch and get comfortable. He keeps his promise giving you cool blue which you gratefully accept. You don’t mean to but the couch is so comfortable you doze off after you’ve chugged your drink.

Meanwhile Frankie tends to your car, more than he should. Although you asked for an oil change he also added wiper fluid to your windshield wipers and checked your brake pads. He feels the weight of Will’s questions, even if he’ll never ask them.

“Thought she only needed an oil change.” Will breaks the silence as he watches Frank replace your brake pads.

“Look at her old brake pad,” Frankie let out before muttering “thing’s a fuckin’ death trap.”

Will walks to where your old brake pads in disbelief, there was barely anything left of the padding. “When was the last time she got maintenance?”

“Probably when she bought this thing.” Frankie grunts out.

……………..

You feel yourself being gently shaken awake, you quickly register where you are when making eye contact with the pink unicorn blanket on your body. Frankie’s already removed the empty gatorade bottle from your hand. You sit up to check your phone only to find you’ve been asleep for 4 hours. As if on cue, your stomach lets its disapproval show.

“C’mon we’re gonna get something to eat and then I’ll drop you home.” Frankie’s declaration only leaves you more puzzled.

“But I only needed an oil change.” You remind him.

“Baby your brake pads were almost non-existent and your engine light is on. Do you know how long it’s been on?” He gently scolds you for

“I don’t know like a couple of months, it runs just fine.” That was the worst possible answer you could have given him.

Frankie collects himself before blandly telling you “I’m keeping it overnight to make sure, I don’t even think it’s up to state code.”

You roll your eyes at his insistence and slowly get up from the couch as he guides you to his pick-up. His hands manage to stay on some part of your body for the remainder of the night.

taglist: @emilianamason

#frankie morales x f!reader #triple frontier fic #triple frontier smut #frankie morales x reader #stepbro!frankie #frankie morales #frankie morales smut

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stopscammingartists · 9 months

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Pengo made a massive post with some portions of it contributed by Japhet and I feel like I should respond to some of it. I doubt they will read this, but I hope they do. I really mean it. You guys took the time to write out this post and it's clear you put a lot of honest thought into it. So, I took the time to read & process it - and I think I should respond in kind.

I'll headline certain specific topics so if he feels hurt by certain things I may cover in certain topics, he can avoid them. There are things that are brought up that I want to talk about and just publicly put on the record.

I am going to be very upfront about my emotions and feelings with this. Which is something I don't do often for reasons I'll get into.

SSA doesn't care about Glip's abuse by the hands of Marl & hates Floraverse

Pengo is actually incredibly incorrect about my thoughts here and the general thoughts of those who I surround myself with. When Glip came forward about their abuse at the hands of Marl in 2020 - I made a post stating that Glip can both be a victim and abuser at the same time. Glip is an abuse victim by Marl, however Glip still made many decisions that where cruel and abusive. Nothing will change that. However if the reasons Glip was cruel and abusive are tied to them being an actively abused abuse victim then that meant Glip had the opportunity to recognize that their actions where cruel, abusive, toxic, learn to be better, and become a better person.

Which is why from July 2020 to March 2022 I completely abandoned this blog.

Between August 2020 and March 2022 there where a grand total of 3 posts made to this blog. Said 3 posts where a reblog made by my co-mod, and some posts about Chicory also from my comod. Don't believe me? My archive is right there. I didn't want to delete or hide the content in case Glip hadn't changed, which is why I left the blog to rot quietly during this period.

Had Glip actually stopped committing cruel, abusive actions to others there is a good fat chance I would have deleted this blog. This is what I was hoping would happen, for reasons I hope are obvious...but I had been watching things from the side quietly since then, and wasn't seeing any improvement.

Here we are, years later and Glip is still very cruel and abusive. Marl isn't here anymore.

Glip is still demonstrably a dangerous person to hold power over others. Which is ultimately why I decided to come back in April 2022 when Glip returned to Tumblr, and why I seriously started posting again regularly after seeing Rina's zine and realizing absolutely nothing has changed since Marl's departure.

I also don't hate Floraverse, or the people involved in it. I have no strong feelings about the comic itself anymore and if I where to sum up how I feel about the people involved in the community - including Glip and those in stronger positions in the hierarchy....it would be 'sadness'.

Edqey / Malt / Jupi

So, I had only known Jupi for, like 2 or 3 months before the incident with Japhet occurred. I was brought into a small discord server that contains people who where victimized by those from the Flora community past and present. Jupi or Edqey / Malt was already part of this small group, and it had existed for awhile without me. I had no prior history or knowledge of mew before this. (Jupi uses neopronouns and they).

When I read the altercation between Jupi / Japhet I didn't read the threat as a serious threat because, at the time, I understood Jupi to be someone who talks big, let's mews anger get the better of them but is ultimately harmless. I understand now that I was completely off the mark.

I defended them because, they where my friend and I had no reason to believe they would act out on said threat in any circumstance. You are correct. It was a blindspot of mine, and I have since sought to become more critical of people I consider to be my friends.

However, as Jupis behavior became more....let's call it erratic, myself and others did put our foot down and tried to tell Jupi that they should not continue contact under any circumstance.

This altercation ended in Jupi leaving the small server. Mew is not welcome back.

In the immediate aftermath, while I still thought Jupi's initial interactions with Japhet where not exactly a threat - I did feel my response was inappropriate and unacceptable which is why I reached out to apologize to Japhet.

I have since come to learn more about Jupi, and as I did I've become horrified. I absolutely agree that they are a dangerous individual and I misread the situation and their character entirely from the start. I wasn't particularly sure what to do with what I learned, I drafted and binned a few posts about it conflicted on what to do but ultimately I decided to to delete any posts involving Jupi at all to avoid giving someone attention who does not in any way deserve it. I also decided that any further communication I could have with Japhet would be inappropriate at this point, which is why I did not reach out to apologize further.....Which leads me into.....

Japhet's Situation / Moving in

Here is the thing you need to understand. Your community has a history of encouraging young adults to leave an abusive home and move in with someone in the community. I talk about Rina and Jolly a lot but there is also Rootie. Three is a pattern. Your community also has a history of cutting individuals off entirely in a coordinated unison.

So when I read the words

Pengo emotionally supported Japhet from getting away from his HORRENDOUS home life.

My initial gut reaction is that history is repeating itself. Another young adult was encouraged to move long distance to move in with another much older member of the community.

Please understand, both Opa's setup with Jolly and Glip's attempted setup with Rina was predatory. The reason being is because of the control dynamic involved.

A situation in which the less experienced party is giving the more experienced party complete and utter control over them. Let me explain with example.

Jolly, the inexperienced party, moved a very long distance to live with Opa. Because Opa offered to help Jolly get out of their abusive home. That's great on paper!....But that also means Jolly lost any local support they had in their new home who where unrelated to Floraverse. No friends or family to fall back to when they got removed from the community. Not so great! Rina, had they moved in with Glip would have likely found themselves in the same situation.

Jolly ended up homeless and suicidal by the end of it. With practically nobody in their corner when they where at their lowest.

I just don't want that to happen again. To anyone. Which is why I put it out there that if the situation called for it, I could at least provide financial assistance to prevent what happened to Jolly from happening to anyone else.

I am glad to hear that Japhet is out of their abusive home life, and presumably not living in an environment where he gives up all control of himself and puts it in the hands of the community. I mean that, I really do.

SSA is Really Hurting

You guys don't get it. Which is fine, I don't expect you too. But I would prefer to be vulnerable and talk about why I manage this blog in this capacity and have for so long despite how much difficulty I have talking about these things in these ways.....then for you to guess based on posts that you do not read and be completely off the mark.

I started this blog in 2016. I was about Japhet's age then. I was actually a fan at the time. I even looked up to Glip then, and had for years. I very specifically respected how they often argued heavily and vehemently about how artists deserved fair compensation. I felt strongly that 10$ to contribute to a zine for Glip's financial property was a slap to the face of this ideal. I was hoping to help them realize that, and I was very naive. I made 17 posts in the span of the 2 months and largely gave up and left this blog alone after that until 2017.

In 2017, I became active on this blog again - and this blog was mainly a floraverse (the comic) shit post blog. I had started to, in the background, emotionally process how I was sexually exploited by a lot of the adults around me when I was a minor. I had also begun to process how my early experience with PMD-E made it so, so, so easy for the people who did this to me to actually do it. I was angry. I was really angry. But I also couldn't articulate why I was so angry. So that's why this blog was ran in that very immature fashion during this period.

In 2018, the Big Fluff logs where leaked, and while I did not immediately realize it, this blog and why I ran it fundamentally changed.

Because I was a somewhat established environment where people could go to to talk about PMD-E and Flora in a critical way. People who had been hurt and traumatized by something Glip or someone in the community had done to them decided to come to me to talk about what they went through.

I genuinely believe you guys have no idea of the astronomically massive scope of the damage you and your communities have done to people.

The reasons on why people who you hurt approach me vary. Sometimes they gain the courage to talk about their abuse and wish to do so publicly, sometimes they just want to get closure for what had happened to them, sometimes they want to warn people by platforming their own story so others do not fall victim to the same, some times its a one off anon, sometimes that someone just wants to tell someone what happened to them without it becoming public, sometimes its a very long message that turns into DM's that turns into friendships that have lasted for years. Those friendships sometimes involve me observing the friend learning in real time to unlearn the unhealthy behaviors instilled upon them by your group, they sometimes involve the friend approaching me to vent about what they had gone through and what they had seen others gone through, sometimes, they involve the friend having a traumatic flashback to a repressed memory involving what you did to them and coming to me for immediate support.

For the record, the small discord server full of people you hurt I joined earlier this year is something that occurred independently of this. I did not make it and besides the person who invited me, I did not know anyone in it when I joined. This has been happening as far back as 2018.

Do you have any idea how it feels to see the same traumatic thing happen, again, and again, and again to different people? To see the people who are responsible for these countless stories, shrug, claim to change, while doing the same thing they had done years ago?

I intentionally emotionally numb myself when posting to this blog normally. I have too. Both for my own sake and because it helps me look at the facts critically. I do not care if you believe this makes me 'dead inside', Glip.

I understand that this blog hurts you. But you and those you directly surround yourself with are hurting people in ways I do not think you comprehend, or even care to comprehend. Doing nothing about that, is just simply not an option for me at this point.

I would also very appreciate it if you dropped the 'SSA was ran for 10 years' shtick. This blog was started in 2016, which wasn't 10 years ago. Even if 2016 was 10 years ago, this blog has also had months and even years of gaps of inactivity.

Glip didn't know what Marl was doing

"Glip didn't know" doesn't actually work when Glip was told point blank in 2013 that Marl was filming beastiality content of their pet dog by someone who had seen said content.

clip from The House That Monsters Built - Floraverse - Part 3/7 by The Webcomic Relief (37:17)

And so this never-ending hell continues. For all of us.

#floraverse #glitchedpuppet #forbidden flora #forbiddenflora #fox flux #pengosolvent #glip #foxflux #forbiddenflor

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foxymoxynoona · 10 months

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Would you ever do a second book for amended maybe something or even a Drabble that mentions Ezra growing a resentment for his Dad. I feel like many kids sort of don’t realise the weight of their parent’s actions and as they get older it sinks in more and you see the person in a different light. It’s always confused me how Ezra would of watched his dad speak down about his mother and physically harm her and that not have a permanent effect on him especially with how much that effected him with not trusting other men with her. I just never understand he’d want a relationship with his dad after that.

The closest thing I can think is that he just doesn’t understand the weight and desperately wanted to find the good in his dad. But would that not rest on his shoulders knowing and having those memories as he gets older that his dad abused his mum. Would he not stray from wanting a relationship with him???

Sort of two questions in here so I'll break them apart! Also this gets long SORRY I haven't gotten to dig in like this on a question in a while :)

I never say never, but I haven't yet thought of what I'd really want to say in it. I could easily fill it with just domestic life, but that's why I've been doing so many drabbles for this story (and have many more ahead). I had thought of a bigger plot at one point but on reflection it felt forced. sometimes it's better to just let characters have their peace except for occasional check-ins haha. I've thought about just letting it focus on the kids growing up, career changes, and fostering, and possibly JK having to deal with his father getting released from prison over in Korea. Maybe someday I'll have the time and focus to write it!

Regarding Ezra and his father, this is a really complicated situation that sadly I think many are familiar with! It's very understandable to me to want to be loved and treated well by your parents, who you expect to be the first loves in your life, and for it to be very hard to recognize either that they don't, or that their behavior outside of that just isn't something you can endure/want to have a relationship with regardless of their love. Sometimes children, even once they are adults, simplify their parent as a person in order to have a relationship with them despite even major shortcomings in the parent, make excuses, or ignore in an effort to still have even a ghost of a parent-child relationship. Other times children cut their parents out of their life once they're adults, or even younger will refuse to see them. The situations just can vary so much, and how an individual views their own situation, and no two people will likely evaluate the situation/relationship quite the same. For some personal examples, my dad had a lot of problems as a dad while I was growing up. Now that I'm an adult, I have learned to define boundaries and protect myself, and he has changed in some ways that I needed him to, and so we have a pretty good relationship despite the hard things from my childhood that can't be undone. I know many of the things that made him the way he was, and while it doesn't undo the harm passed onto me, I do understand and make my own decisions about it all. I evaluate how he was as a kid, how he is now, how he responds when I enforce boundaries, and we do pretty well! He's a fantastic grandfather to my kids, it's so different than how he was as a father. I also limit my expectations in ways that others might find sad or too much compromise, but it's acceptable to me and how I feel in our relationship. My husband has a similar relationship with his dad, even though he has to overlook some really big things, but he cut his mother out of our lives years ago and has no regrets. I have a friend who's dad was an alcoholic when he was a child, he's sober now, they are very close but they do NOT ever talk about the childhood trauma of that. He also doesn't understand why my husband would refuse to forgive his mom because "she's your mom, you have to forgive her." I wouldn't condemn any of us as doing the wrong thing, I'd just say we are each evaluating our situations our own way. I think there's always a dream that the problem parent will recognize their issues, change, and initiate conversation and apology with their child --but that often doesn't happen, and it doesn't undo the harm, and it should be up to the child in the relationship to decide what they want the future to look like. It can also be really hard for children to enforce boundaries or walk away from the very first authority figure and who should be the most foundational-loving person in their lives, and accept that their parent will never be that for them. That's heartbreaking. I can understand why many people struggle to give up on that, even when it seems obvious it won't happen.

For Ezra, I think throughout the book he is already aware his dad has problems and mistreats his mom. There are several times he intervenes or calls his dad out for bad behavior. But he also desperately wants his dad to love him because he's young and knows that's what dads are supposed to do --and to love him enough to change. Which maybe Landon seems to do later in the book, though not necessarily recognizing and apologizing for past behavior. Maybe as Ezra gets older he still sees too much behavior he can't tolerate in his father and cuts ties, especially since he sees such positive modeling in his stepfather, or maybe he keeps a careful but not-close relationship with his dad to get what he can from the relationship while protecting himself, or maybe he just finally has the day where he says enough is enough, he doesn't want that relationship anymore because he can't condone his dad's behavior past and present.

This 'sins of the father' theme is actually mirrored in Isabella AND her mom AND her grandma AND Jungkook with his father. Jungkook cuts ties and wishes his dad was dead, wants no relationship, but also worries about whether he's bad because his dad was bad (Ezra may want to believe Landon can be good because if not, does that mean he's not good either?) Isabella can't bring herself to cut ties with her mom UNTIL she finally does, and a big piece of that for her is not tolerating the way Colleen treats Jungkook, as well as seeing healthy relationships modeled in the Jeon family. She was willing to put up with abuse towards herself (because she's my mom! that's just how moms are!) but drew the line at how her partner was treated and realized she deserved better too. Colleen mostly threw out her relationship with her own mom/Isabella's grandmother for protecting the predator grandfather and resentment over never recognizing or handling family pains, but also doesn't totally end the relationship either and she definitely doesn't recognize how she also does all those exact same things with Isabella. But she also steals and mooches from GG, so in a way she maintains the relationship to get vengeance, and maybe some small hope that her mother will recognize her mistakes and apologize. It never happens. Isabella maintains a much closer relationship with GG but in the story struggles with the fact after GG's death that she can't reconcile the woman she knew and loved with the things she did/hid.

Going with those themes, if I was writing this in the future, I would propose that Ezra maintains this relationship with Landon because he wants his father to change for the better, and believes in the good parts of him, because sometimes there are good parts of him. And we do see Landon doing better towards the end of the story. Maybe he will mature more and better understand his past issues and put forth the full effort to make amends (hehe, see what i did there? Amendment? The title was intentional 😉)

But while younger Ezra was a product of Isabella struggling to recognize the treatment she deserved and protect herself from bad relationships, he also watches his mom grow and improve at that, and he now has a stepfather who has managed that in his own life. So I do think Ezra's tolerance will have limits as he gets older and if Landon betrays those expectations, he would end the relationship. There may even be a day Ezra actually wants a sit down to talk about those things, breaking the Desmond 'don't tall about it' family rule, and the future of his relationship depends on Landon's response. Ezra sees firsthand now that men don't have to be like that, and that nobody (him, Mom, JK) has to tolerate being mistreated, and that you can end the bad relationships in your life, even with a family member. You will survive and be loved properly by other people.

I'll just reiterate though, it's fun and easier to dissect this from outside and about a fictional relationship. In real life, these relationships are complicated. Families are complicated. Sometimes cutting out a family member or friend is easy and gratifying, and other times it's really challenging. It can be hard to ever be objective about the family you were literally raised in/by!

#amended #asks #anonymous

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scramble-crossing · 1 year

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yessss you understand me exactly omg! i'm not calling him a good guy or trying to defend him. he knew what he was doing! he caused those deaths! but as you said, the "Not because he takes some sadistic joy in seeing these people get erased, but because it gets him closer to his goal and he just doesn't care who might end up dying for his cause. And I think this makes him WAY more interesting than some guy who just loves mindless destruction" perfect!!

i do think we at least somewhat know his motives tho, especially in the anime where he's more explicit about complaining about the homogenization fo the UG and mr. h's comments about him being attached to shibuya

but i agree. in the show he might as well he doing it for rabies. he likes seeing pain and suffering. in the game he has 0 problems CAUSING pain and suffering but he isn't doing it BECAUSE of the pain and suffering, but because he's FINE with causing it if it gets to his goal. and that's just a way cooler character space to be in (and makes his NEO self more understandable as to where he comes from as opposed to a 180 on his character or forcing him to take brain damage or whatever)

That's true!! Annoyingly I can't even say that the anime oversimplified him, because while they fumbled with his personality they certainly left a lot to chew on. Although, while I think that it's great to take material from the anime into personal headcanons, I believe that game canon trumps anime canon, so unless it exists in neo (such as the angel wings and headphones mural in Udagawa + I'm pretty sure one of Neku's victory lines quotes Hanekoma from the anime) I don't think anything in the anime should be considered as canon. A sort of "until proven otherwise" approach. Hanekoma explicitly saying that Sho is attached to Shibuya should probably be taken with a grain of salt.

That said! With the way he talks about beauty and art in the first game I definitely think that he could have become frustrated with the state of Shibuya under the Composer and sought after his spot in order to create his idealized version of the city. In a way he's kind of like Megumi, tearing Shibuya apart because he loves it without fully understanding what makes it so special. That's cool!! And it's why so many people love Shibuya in the first place, it's where opposing desires clash and change for having come to understand one another. That's why Sho could never have become Composer. For all the strength in his ideals he's incapable of cooperation, he's like an invasive species choking out everything else and because of that, the natural selection of Shibuya booted him out of rotation. That's kind of how I see it anyways.

This is all my very long and complicated way of saying that I don't think his implied motives in the anime should necessarily be considered canon, but also that you can extrapolate just as much from his behavior in the first game anyways, even if neo doesn't do much to expand upon this idea. I totally agree with your point and I think it's a super interesting angle to approach his character from!! I only wanted to say all that about anime canon because I think your point is better supported by the game itself, whereas people can very easily write off the anime for only being a sort of semi-canon.

Actually, the anime had me SO convinced that this was going to be important that I spent nearly the entire game convinced that Sho's grand plan was to stage a coup against the Shinjuku Reapers. I couldn't imagine he was happy with them encroaching on "his territory." I was absolutely sure that the climax was going to be a final Scramble Slam with the Shibuya Reapers and Players (and Sho) teaming up to defend their city from the Shinjuku Reapers and chase them off once and for all. I still think this would've been really cool....Sho revolutionary freedom fighter WHEN

Also, you're right about neo too!! I tend to see Sho as someone who perhaps never fully grasped the weight of what he did when he unleashed taboo noise on the city. All those deaths were part of his cause, one he believes in so fiercely that he's willing to tear himself apart over and over again to achieve. It was "for the greater good" in a way. Maybe he couldn't understand the other Reapers as complete, complex individuals with lives he snuffed out and it all just seemed like noise to him. Then when he absorbs Rindo's soul pulvis he lashes out and deeply hurts the few people who he, in his heart of hearts, very likely cares about, and for the first time it gets to him. Having to confront the fact that your worldview is fundamentally flawed and will only ever end in your own self-destruction and that of everyone around you, realizing that after everything you've done, having given yourself fully to a cause for years upon years, that it's all been for nothing because you were always going to end up here, lying half-dead on the ground, looked at only with horror and pity...what do you do? Where do you go from there? According to neo, right back to where you started at the beginning of the first game, apparently, but that's another conversation and I'm getting off track. Sho Minamimoto. That is all.

#this is so long im so sorry i am procrastinating on an essay!!#im sorry if i came off as rude about the anime but i think you have a really good idea and i dont want people writing it off #because anime bad. or whatever #especially when its right there in the game when you look!! if not exactly that then something very close to it #neo sho says that he only cares about himself when neku brings up the fate of the city #but honestly with his little tsundere shtick I dont think even Sho can be taken as an authority on how Sho feels #its best to look at og twewy where hes as 'open' as he ever really gets #or at least plain-faced about what he wants #anyways i need to go...work on that essay...#asks #minamimoto

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pinkpruneclodwolf · 2 years

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YOOO, the new chapter has so many feels and I’m just like bro… I can’t even put it into words mate. Like Meruem feeling bad that she made Grim think that he was pet to her, while it shows the comparison between Grim and her brother + the bullying and how it feels like they were like an accessory to her and how she feel like accessory tp her mom. And how it reveals Meruem’s abuse from her mom after Grim ranaway and how she feels alone without him now. And how it feels like she's changing to a different person that she's afraid that her family or Grim don't recognize her. Then she feeling like she was forgiving Riddle too easily and her not feeling that she isn't allowed to not be the better person, and I'm just like: yoooo. But moving on, I liked how you put Epel interacting and being friends with the group, I really liked that. Also, I was kinda worried when you say that Grim would only forgive Merry in chapter 4, but then I realized that its giving Grim more character and I remembered that I was angry at my sister for something for like 8 months so like yeah. Also not only does Merry has bad luck on her birthday based off the month and month flower, but it’s also the day, I feel so bad for her. So always, I really liked the new chapter! (Sorry for rambling '^^)

Also I made meme on one of parts bc it reminded me of the meme

Thank you so much!!!!!

There's something about changing so drastically that you feel your family won't recognize outside of your appearance (that's about to change too) that you feel alien in your own skin. It's about wanting to fo back to the familiarity even if it means you endure. It's about wanting to be better but not knowing how. It's about—

Honestly I think that Grim receives the brunt of Meruem's feelings and even other Yumesona's at some points, and I know it's only been a week after Riddle's OB but the stuff Meruem and Co endured during that was like... Almost dying twice? Magic literally setting you aflame from the inside out to the point that Ace gets concerned her nerves will fry???

I'm changing the trajectory of Chapter 2 to focus on siblings and the heavy grudges that can be borne from those relationships bc I genuinely believe there was a point when Leona did want to kill his brother so that he could get a modicum of the recognition he receives but chose to isolate himself instead realizing how dangerous those thoughts were.

Cater will play a significant role too which us why I started off with his pov this chap because of his relationship with his sisters and how they walked all over him (which is how Meruem would treat her brother at points)

I also thought about how the Fandom treats Jade as the normal brother despite him being right along Floyd and that was only because Floyd is more overt in his behaviors so I was like,,,,,,

Chapter 2 is about siblings with complicated relationships with themselves/how society perceives them that changes how they perceive their relationship and how a gap can grow from that. It definitely parallels me and brother's relationship but we've grown closer because of that—Merry doesn't have that chance the same way Cater or Leona does.

It's a whole 3 circle venn diagram of complicated sibling relationships and emotional constipation.

Grim will definitely grow and become his own person as a result bc even if they are two parts of the same whole, Grim is still his own part (person) and Meruem had been eclipsing him as a result.

I also think Grim has a lot of trauma with people exactly like her personality type (or plain abusive) so Meruem has to work hard and nip that in a bud. (Chapter 4 is about them being stuck together, I'm sure if that wouldn't have happened they'd make up by Chapter 5)

Healing isn't a linear process, and it is a struggle (more OB being thrown their way) but the best way to apologize is to fix the behavior that led to you apologizing in the first place.

I'm reading White Fang (the character that Jack Howl is based off of) to get a feel for him and the overall tone of Chapter 2 and the themes tie into the sibling submit so welll.

#twisted wonderland #twst #@edgymoonstone #scream into the void and i'll answer #im so serious Chapter 2 being dedicated to sibling relationships is my new jam #it took me forever to find a theme in Chapter 2 because of how messy it was (besides the lion king plot)#but like #Nature v Nurture #emotional constipation #how abuse rewires your brain #how the perception of others can ruin a relationship #trying to be better but also knowing that its futile so you dive into the deep end to drown in feelings you cant put a name to #the dubious morality of Night Raven and how it feeds into this new person that Meruem creates in an attempt to adjust #but ultimately hurting the people around you and making you realize youve become an alien in your own skin #i digress these tags are long enough!!!#thank you so much!!!!!

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pinkdinkydoon · 2 years

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amphi.bia least fav ramble below ⤵️ don't hate me.

I litteraly hate sa.sha wa.ybright so much.

She is one of the worst characters if ever seen written. A character ruined instantly. Like. I had so much hope in her originally.

She was a good villain with grime rhe first season. She was manipulative, she was what makes a bad friend, she's a bad person. She didn't show any desire to change until she was forced to either be harmed/or at her limit. Which isn't. Good. She's a bad person, and she was good at being a villain.

I genuinly thought her an g.rime were going to be the main villains when s1 finished, and then s2 started and I saw her and gr.ime continue to bad I was like!

Oh!! Oh ok they aren't redeeming her. This show is showing that toxic people sometimes just can't be changed. That they stay toxic. And over 1 season and 3/4th of thr 2nd in she was still evil and didn't really have any intention of stopping.

Heck, she planned on taking over a whole freaking planet that struggled with its own racism. She was manipulating so many people, not just An.ne bur Ma.rcy bur P.ercy and Brad.dock and Gri.me. The last 3 may have also been semi bad people (grime being another villain just as bad as her but written well) but end of the day she was manipulating them (gri.me also manipulating her. They have the same kinda codependency anne used to have with sas.ha).

I DONT CARE IF SHES 13. I DONT CARE THAT SHE CAN CHANGE AND HAS YEARS TO GROW. this girl, tried fo take over a freaking different dimension. This girl thought she was in the right and only changed her ways in the MIDDLE OF A BATTLE WHERE AN EVEN EVIL-ER GUY WAS GOING TO KILL HER. If we hold the other girls to their actions (Anne's ignoring of marcy, marcys decsion making and the music box incident) we can freaking hold sasha to her Racism of a different species. Of her manipulative behavior and toxicity that only stopped cause someone that was slightly more evil than her to her knowledge, stepped in. To her FAKE ASS REDEMPTION.

turning point doesn't feel earned. The only way she could've been redeemed is. Ya know. Perhaps with 2+ episodes. Not freaking one. Not even that, half of a 12 min episode. She's only sorry cause something happened not because of her actions. She's upset cause things didn't go her way, and it'd be more believable if she just.

Ya know what would've made sense??? Sasha teamed up with andrias and continues to be toxic which she did even to the end and edge true colors. She ends of getting worse and worse, showing that toxic people just don't stop and sometimes it doesn't get better. And she's like. I don't fucking know. Dasha (dark sasha).

And the nail in the coffin. The shoot in the head that really set thjs off on me. All the episodes of wartwood just trusting her so easily, and the line "no anne. My days of toxic manipulation are OVER!"

Girl on ""toxic MANIPULAYORS"" SAY THAT WTFFFFF THAT WAS RHE FAKEST ASS LINE IVE EVER HEARD. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON ANNE BEING OUT OF CHARACTER AND JUST.

Accepting IT????

I hate sa.sha waybrig.ht. she's annoying, she's horribly written and would've been better staying a villain. Freaking grime would've made more sense getting redeemed at that point like oh Mt God they're both bad people.

I hate turning point it ruined the whole freaking series. It ruined all this build up and it ruined s3.

#pinkspacewanderer #rambles #♡cg.a #she genuinely ruined the series for me #2 strong seasons. the strongest ive ever seen for a show #it was so appealing #but now just.#god

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peakloaf37 · 2 years

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#tonyrobbins

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tsukiya-hoshimiya · 7 months

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About Dys's way of loving!

The GIF is just my reaction upon realizing something that just made me go "Damn, wasn't expecting that." Like, wow, talk about an interesting development of a supposed-to-be self-insert to a genuine OC!

Up until now, I thought the way Dys loves was just at the overbearing side despite trying his best to be as normal as he can possibly be, especially with him trying to fully respect the love of his life in every aspects such as their wishes and their choices.

But apparently it wasn't as simple as that, nuh uh, not at all; In fact, I think it's a bit complicated since the once pure (albeit not so surprisingly questionable considering his upbringing) love of his as a little kid became quite twisted as he grew up.

Guess I'll have to put up a warning for this? Considering the nature of his love is twisted and all now...

TW: yandere, nsfw, mentions of cannibalism, obsessive behavior, self-deprecation, self-destructive tendencies, mentions of child abuse (victim is Dys/Daisuke), bad writing

Now let's get it out of my system now that I think I put up the appropriate trigger warnings, might edit it later if I ended up finding out that I did not in fact included all of it in the trigger warning.

Regarding his way of love as a kid; Let's say the way he asked for love was expected from a kid who was not received the amount of loves that he needs (which will definitely affect him in the future): * Clingy behavior: How he gently holds on to the hems of his parents' clothing before he was told to stop, of course he reluctantly listened like a good boy during this time. How he wanted them to stay for a bit longer to shower him with praises as they commend him for a job well done. This clingy behavior of his during the time as a kid was not as worse as it is now, as he already repressed his emotions as much as he can, though he sometimes slipped up to which he apologized to his family for such behavior- He should continue to be a good child for them, they already have so many things to take care of, he shouldn't burden them even further. * Compliant behavior: How he follows the whims of the Inukai family without thinking too much about it, as he thought that they are doing it for him. So he was, of course, going to do it for their sake as well. Yet despite all of the horrible treatment that he had endured, he is surprisingly and sweetly affectionate. Oh, so pure like a daisy that he was affectionately nicknamed as by one of his cousins. After all, he is loved by his family, so why should he not show them the affection they all deserve? (Almost all of them didn't deserve his affectionate puppy behavior. Period.)

It, not so surprisingly, worsens as he grew up as a energetically 'rebellious' teen. Well, that is what is labelled to him after he lost the drive to follow every whims of his family's the moment it dawned on to him, he will never satisfy their expectations. Also, it wouldn't be surprising to say that he is incredibly dense during this time, to the point it made others want to knock some sense into him as he is that dense. He was genuinely loved by his former enemies turned to his friends, yet it all went past through his head. That is to be expected. After all, he had repressed his feelings for so long as a kid, as well as feeling as if he were not worthy of love at all- That it clearly affected him entirely at this point.

But then it all changed, he met the love of his life at the wrong time and wrong place (I guess in this case, it depends on the Alternative Timeline that he is in? The worst one is of course the Alternative Timeline where he is the head of the Inukai family), oh how he noticed how his feelings blossoms for the worst. "Why do I yearn so much for them? They clearly deserve someone better than me..." "So why? Why? Why...? Why do they mean so much to me? I'm scared..."

As the Head of the Inukai Family: It was to be expected from him that he were to be partnered with a renowned mage for the sake of his family, specifically for the sake of his future generation as well. After all, he is the head of the family now, finally gaining the position after painstakingly managing to convince the family his worth. Yet he felt empty despite achieving what he thought he wanted to achieve as a foolish, little child that he once was. 'Ah, what a waste of my life this ended up being...' That was his thoughts until he had laid his eyes upon his supposed-to-be partner. Well, never-fucking-mind, maybe this was worth the effort. Maybe? This was definitely worth the effort that he had went through, the hell that was his life, it was all for him to see a glimpse of heaven. Oh how he felt like a sinner upon witnessing them, even more so the longer they stayed together (for political reasons, unfortunately for this dumbass). His mind is completely filled with them, how he wanted to defile them completely- How he wanted to eat them, devour them entirely in a metaphorical and literal sense. It wouldn't be a surprise for him if they ended up to taste good. Oh well, it can't be helped, his partner looks too delicious for him to resist. Yet he still managed to have self control, despite the thoughts being undeniably worrisome according to others. After all, this relationship is purely political, and this is one-sided. He can at least notice that, yet here he is, being a disgusting sinner as usual as he jacks off to the thought of having a taste of their body, their moans, their sweat- Their everything. So he does want them that badly huh? To the point it is unbearable for him to think of a life without them, to the point he would not mind killing his own family for their sake or anyone else for that matter- To do everything just for them, them alone, no one else. They're like his god after all, they're his everything, he felt like he was a scum and nothing compared to them. "Well shit, I don't think I deserve them, especially after thinking of them in such a way... " Yet he gave in to the animalistic instinct of his to permanently mark his darling as his, he felt guilty yet at the same time he doesn't. "Oh, my dearest darling, how I long to eat you." "But I don't mind if you were to eat me as well, I find it the greatest honor life has ever given to me if you were to do so. But I bet I don't taste as good as you though, just a personal hunch, nothing to worry your pretty head over-" "So please, use me as you wish~" They can literally do as they please, as he stated, even as to go ahead and abandon him for another- After all, their words are law. But expect him not to fully follow their demands, as he would either personally kill ones that they admire just to give them a piece of what they love (like a fuck up he is in this timeline) especially (either through trinkets or by food, don't forget that this man can do household chores and be a househusband whenever he felt like it) or offer them his own heart literally as a way to declare his love for them. He is their devil after all, a devil to a divine being such as them, like the dreadful nightmare to their sweet dreams. He can't live without them, so he wouldn't mind making them feel the same way as he does. Wait, what about his own family that he faithfully serves now? The Inukai family be damned, they are not his precious darling after all.

As the Chaldea Master Candidate: This was unexpected, since when did he harbored such a strong feeling? It felt so suffocating just by thinking about such a feeling, hell, it made him want to belch out whatever he ate (which is nothing as of the moment). When? Was it when the relationship between them first blossomed? Or was it at the start? That is impossible- It's definitely not at the start. But he was certain to say the least that it may have started by the time he gets to know them better. That should suffice enough as a reason, yet he can't help but notice even more of how he yearns for them, pins for them even. When did they invade his mind, to the point he can't think of anything but them anymore? He felt like a scum for having thought of them that way, especially even having the guts to think of them in such a lewd way. He doesn't mind what position he ends up being in his disgusting imagination, just as long as he was able to feel them at least in his dreams- Even going so far as to worship them. (Pt.2 will be posted later)

#fgo oc #mastersona #tsukiya's ramblings

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delphiniumarchangelmoon · 8 months

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The intersections between different neurodivergencies are just. So.

I have to keep my door closed to sleep (in case the house spontaneously catches fire) (but also as a kid I sleep-talked a lot and what if I like come out to my dad in my sleep cause I have gayass dreams and he wakes up at like 4 to ho to work) (plus it’s just weird like. No, I’m not leaving my door open while I’m unconscious that sounds like serial killer behavior)

And I need the window opened a little bit even if it’s really cold (in case of carbon monoxide, obviously) (can you tell I have an anxiety disorder?)

(The only way to my second floor window is to climb a freak and loud set of stairs then jump three feet to a slippery and even louder metal roof and once you fo that it’s a 50/50 shot whether they go for my room or my moms and I can shove a man off the roof but I can’t shove a poisonous gas.)

And I always have my ceiling fan on because not having moving air around me stresses me out (that one is a long story revolving bees and my various coping mechanisms for dealing with my fear of them from ptsd. Long story short for a long time the only way I felt safe outside was if it was incredibly windy because it blocked out the sound of bugs buzzing)

But that makes my room really cold so i need like seven blankets + bonus points for essentially being the “we have weighted blanket at home”

And things keep getting lost in my blankets and randomly poking me when I’m trying to sleep

And I need to make sure I changed my phone before I go to bed because the charger is plugged into a surge protector that’s strapped to the back of my headboard and I can just barely hear the electricity cause we’re double dipping with the adhd too

and sometimes in the depths of insomnia I feel like it’s gonna explode even though there’s no good reason for it to do that and it’s literally designed to prevent that from happening but that doesn’t matter in my brain so I need to turn it off to sleep which I’m sure is better for me and the equipment anyway I’m sure that charging your phone for ten hours isn’t good for it especially in your bed.

And I’ll set alarms literally every time I close my eyes with intent to sleep because once in a blue moon I get like, reverse sleep paralysis shit where I know I’m asleep and can’t open my fucking eyes and then I get those “wake up in a dream over and over” fuvking things and it’s DOGSHIT and I wake up feeling MORE TIRED so now I can’t fall asleep unless I either set an alarm or a timer because 9/10 times it’s fine but if I get caught with my pants down that 10th time I’m literally held hostage by my own subconscious

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