#and them i go to therapy and i cant talk abt anything bc i hate talking abt my feelings its gross and i dont deserve it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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uncle neen...yk im happy that the boys are hating n all but can we get a lil toxic yaoi?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH, whoever sent me this anon and the one asking me to elaborate on jersey being afriad to say i love you, ENJOY PRISON!!!! WOW!!!!! OW SO MUCH!!!!

( i will be answering that one btw, dw i'm not ignoring it, its just taking a while bc want to make sure its thorough aka my tears keep making my laptop short-circuit while i'm trying to write it...fml )

like maaaan, this is supposed to be my beautiful and relaxing utopia of a tumblr blog where i get to forget that i write multiple unfinished multi-chapter style angst au fanfics and pretend to be peaceful!

your honor, i have never done anything wrong in my life! facts! xx

but uhhhhh....u might be onto something...bc when i tell you, ravesey style literally does not fight bc they are in love ( or hate, ig, bC KYLE CANT SAY I LOVE YOU, I'M GONNA END IT ALLLL ) but if they did, which it's gotta have happened once, right? it was probably crazy, messy and soooooo insane like......ooooough my god, hELP.

*ravenstan vc* pero like they've literally been temporaried and basically married since they were in middle school, SO IF THEY FIGHT??? IF THEY BREAK UP??? DOES THAT MEAN THEYRE GETTING DIVORCED???? IM SICK!!!! IM SO SICK MY STOMACH HURTS SO BAD I HATE THIS!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

i want to d*e, however....you know me...

and i do Live for the Drama, babey. ;)

like, okay, okay, okay could you imagine them at the same events bc marjorine is in crimson dawn so naturally kyle ft. the blonde crew would all be there ( and we all read my cringe post, we know what used to go on at those events between the boys and what came off ) and oooooooooof, like??? some weird music exec man talking to stan, trying to make a pass at him, tryna touch his ass, making him super uncomfortable and stan just like ahaahaAhaaa! yeah! be in touch! more like please don't touch me lol, i'm literally scared of u, wtf!!! :'((

and jerseykyle walking up after the guy leaves like "I Don't Like How That Guy Was Talking To You" hella overprotective & ravenstan being like "Why Do You Care? You're Not My Boyfriend, Rem(ember)?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHH HELLLLLLL NOOOOOO

I HATE IT HERE LIKE MAAAAAAAAAAN!!! BOOOOO!!!!!!

and kyle just being like "you're right. i'm not." :'|

this is sick....I am SICK.

and kyle trying to deflect and not be vulnerable bc hE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO BE VULNERABLE PLS TELL ME THEY DIDNT BREAK UP BC KYLE CANT SAY I LOVE YOU I WILL PASS AWAY!!!

all like "i can smell the vodka on ur breath, by the way. i thought you quit drinking." and stan quick with it af bc hes defensive relapsing and his drinking problem smh like "yeah? and i can smell the cigarettes on yours. i thought YOU quit." AUUUR NAAAH

and kyle being also defensive about relapsing and his cigarette addiction like "Why Do You Care? You're Not My Boyfriend...

rEm(EmBEr)?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!! i'm so sad this is sO!!!!

i feel like its so messy like i feel like they are a bubbline level of messy or like a haylor break up level of messy where stan sings all the romantic kyle songs but makes them Fast instead of slow and does a really bad new jersey accent one time out of spite bc hes schwasted and really sad or writes a really mean song called like psycho babble whatever abt boys who need therapy psychoanalyzing you,,,, AAAA!!!

hell is a place and i hate it here...can they be in love again like MAN?

stan doing interviews and the interviewers trying to skate around the ravesey split so stan doesn't k-word himself and hes just like "no its okay you can say we broke up haha </3" *necks vodka*

"a-anyways, i'm single now! So!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! TOMATTTTOOOOO

and i bet you he only said that bc he thinks jersey kyle re-entered his grindr manwhore for the streets era!!!! bc the interviewers are being nice but the tabloids are being ruthless and photoshopping a bunch of shit and just like taking pictures of kyle outside of the apartment getting mail like NEXT TO THE FKN MAIL MAN LIKE!! NEW BF!!

bUT LIKE HE DIDNT!!!! HE LITERALLY WOULDNT LIKE OH MY GOD BUT ITS ALL VERY CONVINCING AND STAN DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE LIKE MAN WHAT THE FUCK BROTHER!!!!!! NOOOO!!!

i was like hm where is the dial drunk ravenstans one phone call being kyle and kyle not picking up...but ALSO????? where is the scary mean vicious attack dog mean streets new jersey kyle who reverts back to fighting and brawling getting thrown in the cop car and is calling stan/gets dropped on ravenstans doorstep all beat up n bloody and bruised...and stan thinks he was just being reckless and hotheaded and fighting ppl again bUT HE ACTUALLY??? GOT INTO A BAR FIGHT BC SOMEONE SAID SOMETHING ABT RAVEN THAT WAS REALLY FUCKED UP AND LITRALLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT THEM???

i will also have you know that eco/plant king stan knows a lot of natural remedies just from being interested in apothecary stuff and from his mom...but speaking of miss sharon sonrisa, before randy RUINED HER LIFE, she wanted to be a doctor, so she was very skilled in areas of medicine/patching people up and passed all that knowledge onto her lovely son who...literally is scared of blood but does...unfortunately have years of binding under his belt from when he was trying to pass/didn't have top surgery, so he is very good at bandaging wounds ( randy also...gave him lots of practice! haha )

also i want to cry bc...ravenstan is so gentle and will take very good care of u...its probably so tense and so tender in there...when i tell you they are about to KISS that whole time....

ANYWAYS!!!! HOW VERY DARE YOU ASK ME THIS AND MAKE ME MAKE THIS HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION THAT HURT MY FEELINGS...i will...elaborate on it...and make it realer and worse if you ask...BUT KNOW THAT JAIL AWAITS I AM SO UPPPPSET!!!!

-uncle nina, crying and throwing up over the fake ravesey toxic yaoi and drama i created for them FOR THE DRAMA...truly sick n twisted

#I FORGOT TO SAY #i bet you ravenstans hair is a Color #and u know hes having a bpd boy moment if his hair is a color especially if its VIBRANT #and patchy as hell #bc u know he did it himself on a whim probably manic and walked his lil ass to the cvs #in the sharkchanclas and bought like 5 4lokos #and like two boxes of splat #w the crazy 40 volume developer bleach in there smh #and dyed his hair all depressed and stressed #like i bet u its like GREEN or RED...oh my god red hair raven is so mentally ill...that is antistan #i hate it here can they kiss again why did i write this why would u ask me this but also ask me more #i am also v obsessed w street hardened jersey kyle and gentle home medic pacifist stan...theyre in lovE BUT THEYRE FIGHTING LIKE BOOOOO #KISSSSSS ALREADY PLEASE SMASH I HATE THIS #ALSO I BET U IF KYLE SHOWS UP ON THE APARTMENT DOORSTEP STAN IS IN THE COMFORT COLUMBIA SWEATSHIRT HOLDING CURB ALL SHOOK #LIKE UR HONOR THEYRE IN LOVE U GOTTA BELIEVE ME

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bombshelllblonde · 1 month

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heyyyyyy im backkk!!!!!!!

invading ur ask box again lol, sorry!!!!!!

this might start being a thing

ANYWYAS

i totally forgot to mention last time hiw muvh i love lenny, mary-beth and hosea and tilly and MOLLY O SHEA omg

the drinking mission w lenny is one of my favorites, and I LOVE PLAYING DOMINOES W TILLY MY GIRL SHE IS THE BEST

AND SADIE I LOVE HER SM

Like yea gurl!!!!! kill the o driscolls!! kill them all!! avenge ur pookie!!! rahhh!!!

Mary-beth and kieran are my blorbs. my pookies. my babbygirls. my schmookums

molly o'shea that woman that she is i love her so so so much

i feel so bad for her tho w her fights w dutch :(

speaking of dutch, idk i have like a neutral (slightly negative) view of him???

i dislike how he treats molly, and w how he treats mary-beth?? (inst dutch also like 40-50 and mary-beth like 20-smth? idk im probably rlly biased in this lol)

ALSO another reason dutch be chosing Micah the rat over what is his basically adopted son??

im definitely biased in this but wtv lmao

but he hasnt really done much so i dont hate him, but i dont like him either

moving on, do yk if theres any way to explore blackwater + south of it while playing as arthur? i wanna get all the dinosaur bones and legendary animals !!

i replayed the 'americans at rest' mission, yk w bill (i think) javier and charles at the bar (towards the beginning of the game)

its so fucking funny i cannot

arthur walks in, uses his amazing charmer skills (LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER) and then bill runs in, punches a guy therefore starting a bar fight, HERE COME CHARLES WITH THE STEEL CHAIR, arthur gets his ass kicked and then kicks ass and nearly beats the guy half to death

yk when jack grows up and tells epople abt his dear ol uncle arthur that uncle lore drop boutta be CRAZYYYY

did i mention charles throwing a chair? its my favorite part could you tell

i have a pretty neutral view of john marston ig, i kinda hope he steps up and gets the stick outta his ass, starts being a father to jack or smth but im trying not to get my hopes up lmao

thats it for now!!!! hope u have a nice day!!!!

(thanks for responding to these btw! lmk if im bothering u tho, ty for letting me ramble abt my hyperfixation lmao)

okay lsitennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn rdr2 has been mt hyper fixation since July of 2022 when my brother in law gave me his old ps4 and the game and i don’t think ive shut up about it since i started playing. My entire personality is rdr2. And my current outlet/therapy is writing my rdr2 fanfiction

it’s gotten to the point where my family has literally started buying me cowboy/outlaw stuff. when I was a teenager i loved owls so everyone got me owl things. now im obsessed with cowboys at 26 years old and every gift I receive has something to do with outlaws

My sister got me a cameo of Roger Clark talking to me as Arthur for my 25th bday and literally nothing has ever topped that. It was the most amazing gift ever and now I have a video of Arthur Morgan saying my name and talking to me about my horses!!!! It’s so amazing I watch it all the time

unfortunately there isn’t any way to explore blackwater as Arthur unless you get like mods or something. the AI immediately roll up and the bounty hunters shoot him dead if you try to get into west Elizabeth

do you know how to play dominoes??? Literally ive only ever played 5 finger fillet in that game because i cant fucking play dominoes or poker bc i don’t know how

also Tilly is amazing just wait until later in the game. there’s a mission that really solidified the love i have for Arthur being the protective older brother

Dutch is sooooo complex and i think that’s why i love him so much. i won’t get too deep into my feels for him just yet bc i want you to keep going without me saying anything but once you get farther into the game we can talk about him!!!

Hosea and Dutch are literally my gay fathers. I love them so much. Their love for each other literally makes my tummy flip I love it so so so much

Also I’d let Charles hit me with a chair too, tbh. Love of my life

I never disliked Molly but I didn’t like her either, I think she’s just too much of a loud mouth. Felt like to me she could have not been in the game and it wouldn’t have changed much. Idk

And John’s complexity we can talk about after you progress a lil further. I honestly don’t want to spoil anything or give it away unless you don’t care about spoilers. But I’m just gonna stay quiet until you let me know 😂😂😂😂

#arthur morgan #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr 2 #dutch van der linde

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piratemadi · 1 year

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Even if you're never going to write it, please share how you'd integrate Flint (and Miranda) into your modern au. To make a life has such god tier characterization and I'd love to know how you'd insert Flint.

its me and @wordforworldisforest 's creation! basically miranda and thomas are best friends since childhood in a very expensive ivy feeder private pre-k-12 school. in high school flint gets a sports scholarship (i think we were originally thinking soccer altho im liking the idea of boxing or wrestling makes more sense?) to their school. blah blah blah throuple years and then thomas is sent to conversion therapy camp where he commits and thats for real sorry thomas. in revenge miranda and flint kill thomas's father, but he's super rich and super influential so they're forced to go on the run and they do that for 10ish years.

they reach the town that the rest of the group lives in about a year after the first one ends, so the baby is born and the six of them have very much settled into a routine. miranda gets a job as a bookkeeper in town and flint gets a job on a fishing boat, which is where he meets anne and vane. miranda meets madi at the library (she keeps up w the news in case there's anything abt her or thomas's families). miranda gets close w madi first and flint develops an incredibly antagonistic relationship with vane. later flint vane and madi will bond over communism etc they'll get him to start reading more and finding purpose in life again bc when he and miranda first killed thomas's dad he had all this righteous rage but after 10 years of just running around the states it's mostly burned out

miranda's actually first to spend more time with madi and then max bc the three of them have drastically different perspectives on life but in a weird way it is complementary. so flint sees that first that she starts brightening that she starts really liking the town and bringing up the idea of staying there. she eventually drags him to the bar to see jack anne and vane perform (there's love here...and music......) which is where he meets silver for the first time. and hates him!

anyways...i dont really see flint being as close to the rest of them as miranda will end up being like that's something him and vane will end up having in common which is that they dont feel close to every single person in the group but as he falls in love w silver and months (and eventually years) go by he finds real peace purpose and love in having roots/family for what's kind of the first time in his life.

he and max end up as bitchy gay lion drinking buddies which is good for both of them. him and anne work out together he teaches her to box but they dont really talk. him and jack aren't particularly close, altho they do talk about books sometimes with miranda. him and vane will never be FRIENDS friends, and in fact for the first few months literally cant be in the same room together, but madi likes and trusts flint, which softens vane up, and they do end up respecting each other. him and silver develop a weird codependence which is slightly less pronounced than the show since miranda's alive and still flint's close friend but i was thinking that they grow to have some distance as time passes bc they were so close for so long and it was so painful for both of them. so they both develop other relationships that are probably healthier.

miranda madi and max end up really really tight like a little girl friend group they're all very different but they are all talkative in exact complementary ways so they spend a ton of time together. miranda doesnt know how to talk to anne but likes her a lot. she doesn't know how to talk to vane either and likes him way way less. as for jack him and her click very very well bc his music is the first thing that makes her take the idea of staying seriously and they're very stimulating to each other like they find each other super fun and hang out all the time

thats the vague premise. idk what the plot would be but thats what we wouldve written if either of us had the time or inclination. if you read all this you're odd but thank you <3

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tohokuu · 1 year

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rant - mentions of death and suicide and blah blah blah

i feel like i only come on here to fucking rant lmfao

but hey ! at least it’s being put down somewhere and not shoved inside so then i can let it all out when things get too much and have a nervous breakdown LNFOAJF

i need therapy

like genuinely i need to get help !!

but help does not exist !

western therapy does not work on eastern minds ! and ykw- it’s fucking true. therapy doesn’t fucking work for some reason. that’s a beef reference

i just finished beef btw. great show. binge watched it and ignored all of my missing work… ahaha…

i miss when i was motivated my first semester of college and used to have the mentality.

“hey, if you get it all done now, you won’t have to feel guilty about procrastinating ! and then you’ll actually enjoy doing other fun things !” fuck.

so i lost 3 of my closest friends, so i’ve got nobody to text ya know ? but like we never really texted like that anyway but these were my go to friends yk ? the ones i always hung out with but they’re no longer here so now i’m lonely asf w nothing to do and i’m like …. heehee

just hanging there looking like a fucking L

like i’m a fucking loser LMFAO

i’m a loser

i bring nothing to the fucking table

i’m failing my classes bc i don’t understand anything anymore

i cant fucking write

idk how to fucking write

i don’t have friends

i’m fucking ugly

i actually serious hate everyone

my reputation is actually a lot worse than i had assumed btw ??? like … apparently there’s rumours abt me saying “she likes to ruin relationships for fun” and how “the things ppl hear abt me are unbelievable”

like is this fucking highschool ??? why are you focused on spreading rumors abt me instead of trying to fucking graduate college you stupid piece of fucking shit ???

and then this dickhead today i was talking to 😀 i tell this mf i need a job and ask if his place is hiring

he says “start an onlyfans” are you kidding. that’s so rude, inappropriate and disrespectful.

he knows i’m somebody that believes in God and i’m religious LMFAO ik i literally write porn on here for leisure but like … cmon 😀 seriously ? and this is a guy i barely know and ykw, everything in me was like “they’re all the same. they’re all the fucking same.”

and rn my sister just knocked on the bathroom door tryna fucking irritate me bc she can’t find my fucking gua sha like bitch you didn’t fucking ask to use it and no i don’t know where the fuck it is god leave me alone please

and then my mom keeps annoying me about coming down and grinding the chicken bc i was supposed to make dumplings today and freeze them but i’m fucking tired and it’s 10 pm and i’m not grinding chicken and then cooking it and making wontons. no. no. no. no.

i just want it to all stop. i just wanna breathe without my mind thinking a million fucking things at once. i feel like i can’t breathe without inhaling problems. i just wanna crawl into a fucking hole and fucking die. i literally want it all to stop. i don’t wanna actually die but i want to be happy please this week was shit. it was shit. i feel like shit. i just want it to stop. please.

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froyocorp · 8 months

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talking abt the cog ocs i posted today bc aughhhuu (<- has excitment that cannot be contained) putting it under the cut bc its long but heres the basic run downs of em all bc i never said anything abt em

baggage handler aka porter shes like my Main cog oc ig. she runs a hotel called the cutting suite floor in acorn acres and shes both the head of vacations for the company and their budget therapist. Therapy includes her going "awe :( that sucks. heres a free check in for a relaxing day at our hotel ^_^ Can you get back to work now" she is ALSO shipped with erclaim bc im a loser and i think he just stays in her hotel "haunting" it after being fired. she loves his pathetic swag

the bellhop boys aka moe larry and curtis are all walking stooges references. theres not much more to them theyre like porters very own satellite investors and they all annoy porter very much

goldbricker aka riley is a liar !!! scammer !!!!!!! his storyline is that he steals jellybeans from the toon bank and is trying to sell them back to toons at a higher price, as well as selling them to cogs as they are valuable (to toons. Not to cogs.) hes trying to run a ponzi scheme but no ones buying it rlly. hes also got the midas touch thing going on i legit think he actually can turn anything into gold bars so any attack he'd hold an item with, the model is golden & the attack is buffed

crown prosecutor aka princess marilyn no im not typing out her full name Shes just based on mary sue culture but i mean it so lovingly. shes a cog princess from "suitsor" and shes probably definitely 100% british. shes like a glorified name dropper as in she knows every manager somehow from past work or past schooling. she rolls her R's also shes so himedere so queen deltarune coded

aaand copyeditor aka tina shes so small so tiny so cutes. its one of them its/hers, has a cane, and is mute but in a cog way - her gimmick is she wouldn't have her own sfx! if shes speaking dialogue, its other cog's sfx and dialogue (eg., it would do an attack but say a holly voiceline - "oh looketh, a burnt boor" - and then next attack do a dave voiceline - "better not dance cold on my floor") she could probably stitch together voicelines like a tf2 old sfm. i cant pin down in my head if she hates toons or is neutral about them, as it never gives opinion unless it can parrot what someone else thinks that she agrees with at that moment, so i think its funny to think no one knows how well she performs bc shes so quiet

#shut it frosty #cogblr #iguess #baggage handler #goldbricker #crown prosecutor #bellhop boys #copyeditor

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b0nywh0res · 1 year

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hi!! so since im not active 24/7 anymore i feel like u missed a lot so little update!!

i lost most of my friends. ive had so many depressive episodes and then weird episodes where i would hate them and want them to die. so ig it makes sense but also they know that i have these episodes but wtv not everyone can handle that and i respect that. they didnt have to be such bitches abt it tho. i got them muffins as apology bc i rlly cant control those episodes and they fucking rolled their eyes at me. girl. ur acting as if ur not fucking toxic urself. at least own it omg.

L and i got sooo close irl. shes been way more touchy w me which i rlly appreciate bc its so comforting and makes me feel so much more loved than just words.

and uhm. today was the worst day of my life. i had a panic attack during english class so i left and decided to skip the next period which is allowed if ur in a bad mental state. i told a teacher and he was like okay fine but for some reason the secretary still called my mom? she was so mad bc she doesnt believe in mental illnesses and all that yk so i was too scared to go home. i told my homeroom teacher and she said that there was obv a bigger underlying issue that was causing this. i basically started sobbing and she was so kind to me and hugged me. she even started crying w me oml.

she said that one of the teachers saw me looking at pro-ana sites in class(probably tumblr i hate yall LMAO) and they told her. she wouldnt tell me who it was. if i find out who snitched i will hshdhsjdh. i fr cant let anyone know abt my ed but god i was so close to telling her everything.

she said that i dont have any adults in my life who i can rely on and that i carry way too much for a teenager. shes getting me a school therapists and tbh i dont think itll help much bc ive had a few before but shes so nice to me so ill try. idk if im ready to talk abt my ed yet but i def want to do smth abt my mood swings and everything that comes w it. its so tiring.

she couldnt rlly do anything abt my moms anger so she told me that it was just one day and that i could get through it and i would speak w her again tmr. heating her say that was a real relief ngl. my mom hasnt ever been this mad(except for that one time 3 years ago when she wouldnt allow me anywhere but the attic for 3 weeks) and its rlly scary. home situation isnt great and school isnt either but god id do anything to be at school rn.

all in all life still sucks, i love L and now im starting school therapy. woohoo.

#i wish i was thinner #ed vent #just pro for myself #not actually pro anything #eating diary #i want to be small #low cal restriction #ed relapse #weight loss #4na diary #4n0r3x14 #pro 4na #tw ed #ed diet

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wewfimapuppie · 2 months

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idk if i am protecting myself in any way here. but this is my final log.

i am going to have to take the message at face value. i saw the wkrd frighgebed and scared and idk how he perceived what i was doing. i felt like fuck it yknow i might be wrong but this is how its going for me. i felt it was the best thing to do? idk i def said weird shit.

theres no way around it this time. i went manic. i lost my shit. i imagined all that. i scared him.

to me it felt so real dude. so real. it felt like crazg things were happening to me. and i dont have a good support system so idk haha. i hated taking pills. i felt so awful. so i just wanna rely on God for now. and therapy. i'll find a way.

i'll also lay low. wear a black face mask. sunglasses. black beanie. on my way to work and way out. no one will know its me. i'll change and wear a dif sweater and bring a dif jacket yknow i even wanna dye my tips orange like. i feel so embarrassed and i dont wanna see him or have amyone that knows see me. im hiding. im scared. im disappearing. i will just work, head to Tijuana, get uber eats on fridays and some white claws or adjacent when we get comfy. and we dont talk to anyone except maricruz and our coworkwers yknow. stay vigiliant. i rather you dont talk to anyone anymore. we can make friends some other way.

i rather we focus on paying off our debt. and we drop this. we are at a point where we are questioning a text he sent us. we cant do that......

i rather like i said, we lay low, no attention towards ourselves and we wear a mask and domt do shows we are an online act idk. i wanted to be like yahoo lets do shkws z and this happened instead? i went manic? so idk i need to just dont interact w ppl like natasha i look stupid and crazy i have no supplrt to tell me um this is mania.

i can still paint, i can still sell, i can still make music even. but i cant expand or be public in san diego nah nope. i dont ever wanna see him or anyone. this is embarrassssing dude.

lets jjst keep it simple. food. paint. youtube. spotify. cookies and weed. some alcohol. lets just chill yknow? like back to the status quo? but this time we start fresh i guess. but for rn i rather be alone lmao. i feel cringe.

hopefully i can just focus on the job and getting my life together. thats all i can do. ni modo yknow? what else can i do? stay stuck on this? lets just move on. and focus on keeping ourselves afloat. safe. we will be okay. i still want to pray.

the last thing i'll say though is idk why he said that he blocked me bc i sent him noods when

1. he hearted them

2. he djdnt blkck me

3. i blocked him that time

4. i didnt sent him noods this time?

also i specifically have not mentioned his name jjst ryan and my complaints are like... justified?

so my theories on that is...

1. that... wasnt him...

2. he is like.... a psychopath and it isnt even me!! to twist it. make me feel like i went crazy??

3. hes saying a lie to cover why he really blocked me and its i seem crazy.

its just weird he said 2 wrong things. that i ever falked shit abt him and that i sent nudes now kr that he bloxked me when i did it 3 years ago? like he has reason to say jt was fhe Gkd stuff....

he also just ignored anything i said. about the holy ghost stuff. he didnt talk about God at all. the message was like in broken english it was weird. maybe he was scared? but why say a lie ljke that? when i felt its either im crazy or im...on to something. .

and why did he unblock me at all? to warn me or settle it? its still weird to ignore my one accusation. bro. whats with the staring.

but idk its weird like its enough where theyd know what happened. the email. the calling. ryan. the other subtle ways of contact.

so idk i think he couldnt say its bc you seem crazy and he gave you that reason as to why he blocked you even if it doesnt make sense. eventually we're gonna have to accept this is his response. idk abt what he knows abt me and ryan but i know he knows that unsolicited nudes thing is whack bc be liked them and he never blocked me i blocked him... so wtf.

i hate that this wasnt to me, a proper response. like ok i was frightening shit. but wait ur saying u blocked me? nah u blocked me now. no njdes. so idk what to make of this response. to believe it? theres an incorrect factoid.... that isnt it. so shit what now? now that is what will drive me crazy is saying that shit when that didnt happen.

thags what makes me think maybe he was a... cooky guy. bc hes lying. hes manipulating the situation. he didnt explaim himself. just said i was scary and a lie.

idk what it is at this point. him. me? what are the next steps? well... i rather we pretend it didnt happen. im never contacting him or seeing him. im leaving him alone. i dont want to make it worse. i can find "normal" love like tanner. no celestial shit. just hey we fit.... i wish it was normal. i'll pray for it.

but we forget him Riv.... he's gone. whatever it is you thought... his response, whether you believe it or not, could be his real response. and theres signs that your perspective is skewed. and this is it.

i know the nudes thjng sticks out to you Riv. but what are you supposed to do with that suspicion? i cant go see him and be like "was that really you?" like shiiiit no. so now what?

that is why i wanna tell you this; i need to feed you and pay your debt so im getting u a job. but i will also tell you this; if its meant to be it will be. if that isnt him, the real him will appear. but if not, you have more to live for

so. we forget any of this ever happened. we are in incognito mode. we keep it chill. focus on your mental health.

start working. start forgetting. get good at hiding. keep it simple. we can walk away from this bruv. who says we need to acknlowledge this happened? im dropping thjs. even the lie. it could be a cover up to a harsher feeling. we was nice enough to wish me good health....

i will be w say sd and just surviving. this is my last zane log tbh. for my safety and wellbeing.

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hearties-circus · 3 years

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#vent #///////////////////#////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#gotta love how my mum tried to deal with my depression self harm and self harm with the classic 'if i cant see it its not there' method/s #cant believe she still thinks i only cut myself that once 4 years ago #she didnt even do anything to make me feel better or feel like i could talk to her #i didnt want to treat the scars at all bc i wasnt upset abt having them and i hate putting oil and cream on my skin #but my mum didn't want anyone to know she had a kid who cut so she put oil on my arm every night until the scars weren't visible anymore #all whilst not saying a fucking word to me abt my issues or anything #and later when i said i found a good app that helps to distract me from the urge to cut and she was like ':00 you still get the urge????'#like. fucking of course i do???? you did fucking nothing to help other than cover it up????#and then i said i wanted to go to therapy and she was just ' :/ do you really need to go? what would you even talk about?' WHAT THE FUCK #WHAT DO YOU THINK????????#i remember when she saw what she thoughr was a new cut on my arm (it was but i convinced her otherwise) and instead of being upset she got-#-fucking mad???#g-d its been 4 years and she has no idea #i fucking walk around in short sleeved shirts sometimes where my scars are visible and shes never fucking noticed huh #ive kept a sharpened peice of metal in my room for years. its covered in dried blood. shes never found it #self harm m #suicidal thoughts m #ask to tag

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adorable-deku · 3 years

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was talking to @fanfiction-artist-prototype abt a horrible dfo au and anyway here it is.

so, afo is a pretty shitty person in regular life, i think we can all agree. and although ppl can be very different in different relationships and settings, if a person has a constant pattern of behavior in the way they do most things, chances are that would also show up in a relationship. so what im saying is that afo would be extremely manipulative and controlling in a relationship. he may not be physically abusive, but he definitely is an abusive piece of garbage

inko was in a relationship with him. he was charming at first, but after a month or so, things went downhill fast. denigration, isolation, etc. im not gonna describe anything in detail bc i dont want to, but u get the idea. all the shit u would have to do to convince someone that ur the only person that loves them and that they only have u to depend on.

it didnt work super well on inko tho. she mostly faked it which fucked her up in one way and also had to try to fend off all of his gaslighting and verbal abuse and whatnot.

she escapes from him or he gets bored and leaves or something. the why doesnt matter, only that they are not together.

izuku is born and, to inkos horror, takes after his father in looks much more than her. (this is her opinion though, he actually looks a lot like her as well, its just that his fathers features are far more apparent to her than her own).

she loves her son, but it can be...... difficult.... when he looks so much like his father. shes not cruel to him but... she shows him less affection than she otherwise would, hesitates to touch him, flinched back sometimes when he touches her. she knows she needs therapy but doesnt have the money to get it

things go ok until he turns four and gets a quirk thats a lot like his fathers. its not the exact same but its close enough to scare inko. he can copy quirks as long as hes a few feet away but the copies only last for 24 hours and he can have three at the same time. there is terror in watching her son use someone elses quirk. just like his father.

she can barely look at her son. shes more scared of him than anything else. she cant tough him either. not because she doesnt want to she just Cant. she feels horribly guilty every time she avoids his touch, everytime she thinks about giving him a hug, looks at his face and walks away instead. she can see the disappointment because hes only 5 years old how could you do this inko.

she still provides him everything he needs, physically. pays for his school and food and everything. cooks for him, etc. makes sure he has everything he needs except for her love. she wishes more than anything in the world that she could say she loves him. she cant.

then his hobbies. the way he picks apart peoples quirks and their personalities

just like his father

the way he smiled at her while reaching out to ask her about her quirk

just like his father

that was how he had started his first conversation with her, asking about her quirk

inko has never hated herself more than when she slaps her six year old son's hand away. his tears welled up. he asked why.

she couldnt answer his questions. instead she ran away and by the time she was far enough away to breathe, she called mitsuki, asked if she could take care of izuku for a while. inko couldnt trust herself

mitsuki agreed but by the time she got to the house

izuku was already gone

inko retraced her steps again and again in case izuku had followed her when she ran out but she couldnt find him at all

midoriya izuku vanished of the face of the earth

or at least off the face of Musutafu

because if theyd just looked a little farther, they would have found him in an old worn down bar with another child who had mysteriously gone missing six years ago.

after all, who would be a better heir for afo than his own son, especially one who so lacked trust in the world and love from the people around them?

#bnha #midoriya izuku #deku #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #dad for one #dfo #child abuse tw #abuse tw #bnha au

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transrightsjimin · 3 years

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ok so ive been working on re-sorting my accessories and just in general stuff i dont use often enough and it took me way too long but i made these cardboard drawer dividers for my egl + fairy kei hair accessories, wristcuffs and waistties. i rambled too much from here on so.

it may seem rly weird to make smth so cheaply to go w lolita clothing but it works i guess. i hate how slow i was bc it took me 4-5 hours just to get that done. so i just started this now and need to do like 3 more drawers and then so much more. bc my whole room is a mess and idk if ill manage w trying to organize and keep or sell or gift or donate the clothes and random junk like i want to.

also i havent worn lolita in over a year i think(? or i forgot) and i do still love the fashion and window shop for it often and stuff but i don't interact w the dutch lolita community at all (and don't want to) since like 2 years bc i've never made good friends in it and there's too many fascists in it which supposed 'feminist' mods and event hosts didn't do anything about.

as for the clothing itself, i just don't wear it much bc it's either rly fcking suffocatingly hot and even if it isn't warm i nd even if i shower / wash and use antiperspirant, i sweat so much always bc my hormones act weird nd that was always the case but it just sucks a bit bc it stains on light clothes rly fast and i cant get it out of some blouses so i cant re-sell those when grown out of them. i just dont think im fit for wearing pastels in general bc of this issue (well that + i always manage to stain clothes bc autism / no awareness of surroundings).

and most of all i became more fat (not insulting btw. im just fat and thats ok lol i dont want any annoying anons abt that) over the years and dont fit in most of my clothes and some of them i could fit into again if i were to finally get chest surgery. but it might take another 2 years until a potential surgery would need to happen bc i first need to round up current therapist appointments for 1,5 yr and then go to amsterdam umc which is a very transphobic environment but that hospital has p much a monopoly on trans healthcare here, and then talk to another person there before i could finally get approval for surgery. and i already waited 2,5-3 years for these therapy appts and i kinda hate how this has certain required parts like bringing your parents to a meeting. but ok im going off-topic. anyway. im holding onto some dresses probably for far too long but i know my body size / "weight" (idg why its always called weight when i mean being of a certain size and not being heavier on a scale i dont have) randomly shifts and i just hope i can get rid of my breasts. but meanwhile it's been years and boobs r still on. its rly annoying

#rambles #tmi #weight mention #body image mention #THE READMORE FIRST DIDNT WORK NOOOO

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cattles-bians · 3 years

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damie vibecca exes au part 8

post directory

obsetress: now i just want fanart of damvibecca at the gym

em: well. pitch it to me comrade ghostfucker

obsetress: idk that's about as far as i got i just reread that bit about vibecca in their matching gym outfits and my brain got stuck

em: hypothetically do u have a colour palette in mind bc i associate gym outfits w like. bright loud colours and

em: idk if it works w our earth sign queens

[em note: emily is a liar and did NOT draw fanart of damvibecca at the gym]

[em note 2: we have the gym art now [x] [x]]

obsetress: i was imagining like charcoals tbh, or jewel tones

obsetress: i could see them in like jewel tone purples or that jewel tone blue green color

obsetress: yeah viola jewel tones or blacks n charcoals

obsetress: becs pastels and camels but jewel tones at the gym

em: it’s about Matching

em: And Destroying Ur Ex (platonically)

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: viola's feeling particularly smug about it but then

obsetress: dani's in an old school tshirt and shorts and jamie's in............ one of dani's old school tshirts and shorts

em: YES

obsetress: not intentionally, she just grabbed whatever was there

obsetress: dani chirps "oh you two look so cute! baby look, they have a matched set"

obsetress: viola arches an eyebrow "and so do you, it seems" and dani laughs "not on purpose, jamie just grabbed whatever was on top in the drawer"

viola: you two... share... a wardrobe?

dani: yeah?

em: god cute

obsetress: cute n dumb

em: they can share nearly everything except pants

em: well. pants as a treat

em: haha pants

em: trousers

obsetress: also rly nice rly clean smooth funny juxtaposition in my brain of vibecca being the ones who intentionally match and damie the ones for whom it just accidentally happens

obsetress: hahahah pants

obsetress: they can share pants but................ should they

em: idk miss chapter 12 danis thighs jamies pyjamas

em: should they

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: that's exactly what i was referring to THANKS

obsetress: anyway

obsetress: rebecca just laughs

obsetress: viola huffs and bex is like "sorry, babe, but it is kind of funny"

em: dani jamie wearing like

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

em: poor viola

obsetress: thinking about dani's ass in those

em: yeah....

em: violas huffing until jamies exercise flush lasts a little Too Long

obsetress: big blush jamie taylor

em: she’s still like ‘oi dani close ur mouth’ but then she

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: just ogling each other

obsetress: (they briefly pause to ogle vi and rebecca passing a medicine ball back and forth as they do squats and have to acknowledge that, yeah, they've all done alright by themselves)

em: funny montage of the gang doing exercise while surreptitiously taking Peaks

obsetress: omg all i want

obsetress:sometimes having friends as a lesbian means they're all your exes except one, who's your gf, and you're all checking each other out always anyway

And That’s Beautiful

obsetress

obsetress: dani: checking out viola's biceps, rebecca's abs

viola: checking out dani's thighs n ass

rebecca: minding her business

jamie: scowling n scrawny

obsetress:(n also checking out dani's thighs n ass, viola's biceps, and begrudgingly peeking at rebecca's abs)

obsetress: every other woman at the gym: checking out jamie, trying to figure out the entire dynamic here

are they a polycule? what

em: jamie probably like

em: maybe she gets really into running bc she just checks out and listens to her audiobooks but like

em: slow twitch vs fast twitch fibers so stays scrawny

obsetress: i can see that

obsetress: just gets on the treadmill and zones tf out

em: jamie ‘why don’t i have biceps’ taylor vs jamie ‘no u gotta lift w ur hips’ taylor

obsetress: she hates it but her psych told her it'll be good for her routine so you know she was like yes ma'am every day ma'am

em: cant believe safe lifting procedures screwed her over

em: ‘yes ma’am every day ma’am’ ur just Going for it arent ya anshdjdh

obsetress: sorry but don't tell me you can't hear it

obsetress: jamie's the person who takes notes in therapy

obsetress: jamie, in the locker room after their workout: do my biceps look bigger?

dani, patiently, already knowing where this is going: bigger than what, baby?

jamie: than yesterday

dani: mm, rome wasn't built in a day, you know

jamie: do they look bigger at all?

dani: well

em: i mean not to perceive her too much but mattresses scene indicates AE/jamie like. at least some muscle in the leg area

em: poor jamie

em: not playing to her strengths

obsetress: yeah she does

obsetress: i mean ae has toned af arms

obsetress: she's just wiry

em: how could i forget the benchpressing dog gif

obsetress: dani's like "jamie, baby, come do squats with me and vi" "m'good" "baby, c'mon, you'll like it" "don't wanna do squats" "it could be good for you" "don't wanna do squats with you two"

em: dani: you gotta like. eat more

jamie: i eat plenty

dani: no u graze all day and then u don’t eat dinner

obsetress: dani: five biscuits spread out across a day doesn't count as eating more

em: dani: protein jamie it’s abt protein

obsetress: dani: you need more protein, which is why i think some lentils would really––

em: jamie thinks protein shakes are Nasty

obsetress: jamie does think protein shakes are nasty but dani will make her a smoothie and sneak it in like she's a child

obsetress: viola and rebecca, with their matching monogrammed blender bottles, just staring

obsetress: becca's like "jamie, just drink it, really, it's fine"

obsetress: viola just does this haughty sniff at her and that's what finally gets jamie to start

em: jamie can deal w being a brat but the idea of viola having Anything over her drives her Insane

em: Drives Her Fuckign Nuts

obsetress: she hates it

obsetress: just the absolute fuckin worst

em: do u think dani ever like

em: like they REALLY need to clear out storage but it’s a boiling frog situation where it’s increased so gradually that

em: like jamie thinks it’s Fine storage is Clear Enough

em: it’s Not

em: danis like. should we invite rebecca and vi over

em: just be Idea of A Snide Viola Comment fills jamie w a burning rage

obsetress: oh my god

obsetress: i'm obsessed with this

obsetress: i would read a whole oneshot about this

em: eventually dani comes clean abt it n jamie thinks it’s v funny bc yknow; open and honest communication is a v important part of their dynamic

em: jamie: next time just tell me my storage looks like shite dani or i will be grumbling abt viola for a Week

obsetress: inevitably

obsetress: when they do have to come over to clean

obsetress: dani offers them takeout and wine ("step up from pizza and beer at least," jamie grumbles) and viola's like "jesus, dani, let's just go out to dinner. my treat"

obsetress: at dinner, viola's like "if you want more storage, i have some wonderful properties––"

obsetress: rebecca's mouthing "sorry" from next to her across the table

em: every time they go out rebecca takes vi aside n is like ok sweetheart so you promise you’re not gonna try convince them to sell the apartment again

em: and violas like (mock horror) of course i won’t. ye of little faith

em: and every time

em: every time she does

em: she’s tryna HELP

obsetress: she would too she'd be like

obsetress: "i'm just trying to HELP"

obsetress: "they're our FRIENDS"

em: i’m on a mission to figure out like

em: this is way way down the line

em: but i wanna believe eventually viola and jamie start to, at the v least, Tolerate each other

em: jamie might even be fond of the crazy bird but she’ll NEVER admit it

obsetress: god like vi's on business or some shit in like

obsetress: the UAE

obsetress: negotiating some Deal

obsetress: and so dani and jamie get dinner with just bex and they're driving home after and having a perfectly mundane conversation and then jamie's just blurting like

obsetress: "i think i miss vi"

em: she’s HORRIFIED

em: she tries to play it off as like um

em: she’s Too Comfortable

em: things are Too Boring

em: which is weird knowing everything we know abt jamie

em: but actually she just... maybe misses viola

em: danis like god i wish i was recording this

obsetress: jamie's passed out next to her at home later (it's ten pm) and dani's chattering happily away on the phone with vi (drinking a martini in her dubai hotel room at one am since, y'know, no bars) in bed right next to her

obsetress: "jamie, uh, said she misses you. i know. no, i KNOW. don't tell her i told you. yeah, yeah, you win, vi, we know. uh-huh. uh-huh. i'm gonna pretend you didn't just ask me that"

em: CUTE

em: u can’t lord it over her vi it’s a little secret

em: vi's like when have i EVER

em: she does

obsetress: once they're good again, dani and vi absolutely just. lose time (there's a metaphor in there) talking to each other still

em: this is wholesome tbh

em: i really like the damie stories where like

em: look it’s nice when damie have each other but it’s also nice when they have their own friends and stuff

em: dunno how to articulate that well

em: it’s a balance! it’s a balance

obsetress: yeah! exactly

obsetress: because that's part of the love n possession thing too yk

obsetress: not to say either of them would ever be like "no friends for you" but

obsetress: wanting to have a life outside of your partner yk

obsetress: they're meeting vi and rebecca for dinner after vi gets back and vi's just grinning and sweeping jamie into a hug "i heard you missed me"

em: she gets jamie a souvenir t-shirt

em: it’s too big

em: OR

em: child’s t-shirt

obsetress: (jamie sleeps in it that night)

obsetress: oh childs might be better

obsetress: she's like "you're a little scrawny, so..."

em: jamie sleeps in it.... soft bitch

em: she feels too much

obsetress: jamie taylor softest bitch

obsetress: dani watches her pull it on and raises an eyebrow and jamie's just like "wot"

em: jamies like (grumbles) i knew she was comin back i’m just

em: shouldn’t you be HAPPY about this development dani

em: ‘s’a gift... s’rude not t’....’

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: dani just grins "mmhm"

em: it accidentally makes its way into jamies workout clothes pile

obsetress: oh my GOD oh my god

obsetress: viola's shit eating GRIN when jamie shows up at the gym in it

em: jamies like fok

em: mental maths tryna figure if she wants to just. work out in a sports bra

em: she Doesn’t

obsetress: she Doesn't!

obsetress: (she's shy)

em: god it’s one of those shirts that’s like

em: someone who loves me went to UAE and got me this t-shirt or something

obsetress: dani corners her in their empty row in the locker room "you could've just taken it off, you know" "dunno, not everyone needs to... see that, you know?" "i'd certainly like to see it" jamie rolls her eyes but she's grinning "you can see that any time" "well maybe i wanted to see it during my workout" "dani......."

em: jamies embarrassed bc of her gnarly farmers tan means her tummy is at least five shades lighter than the rest of her

em: crisp tan lines

obsetress: god jamie's farmers tan

em: once again i am bringing my tan lines jamie agenda

obsetress: dani loves jamies dumb farmers tan so much

obsetress: she giggles

obsetress: but it's the most loving giggle possible

em: and then when she gets into running...

em: god when i was rowing there were a couple ppl w like what i called a neapolitan icecream tan which is

em: gimme a second

obsetress: jamie gets all huffy when dani giggles at her tan but then dani's like "baby, no, i think it's cute" and jamie gives her a look and dani grins mischievously and ducks her head

obsetress: and then she's licking and kissing and nipping her way along jamie's dumb tan lines

em: there it is

obsetress: it was inevitable

em: so caught up in the joy of jamies dumb farmer tans i forgot abt her gnarly scar she keeps under wraps

em: baby

em: the most baby

obsetress: baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

em: jamie decides the only way to claim the stupid t-shirt as hers is to cut off the sleeves

em: it’s abt the ritual of the thing

obsetress: she shows up at the gym wearing it and

obsetress: that's viola's "oh no she's hot" moment

em: YEAH BABY

obsetress: literally just like

obsetress: world stops

obsetress: viola stares

em: jamie finally gets to do an exercise that shows off her sinewy manual labor grip forearms

em: viola’s probably just as horrified to find jamie hot as every time jamies like oh no

em: violas hot

em: and once again jamie CANNOT know she’s hot bc she will be insufferable

em: she will be the Worst

obsetress: viola's tugging rebecca aside "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "what?" viola waves a hand and rebecca just furrows her brow a little and is like "that's just... what she looks like, vi"

obsetress: viola corners dani next "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "i did" "oh. right" viola pauses, then "why didn't you make sure i was listening?" dani just gives her a look and walks away

obsetress: dflksdjfldaj god the way jamie and viola are. the same

obsetress: kind of incredibly, in the same ways dani and rebecca are the same

em: “hey baby, did viola seem different today? seemed off”

em: jamies like. is she mad at me. did i break another social taboo.

em: rebecca ‘jamie looks like jamie’ jessel vs dani ‘my gf is so hot i can’t stand it’ clayton

obsetress: "i tell you how hot she is at least three times a week, vi"

em: danis tryna goad her into making the damn shirt a crop top

em: jamies like yeah but isn’t that a step too far. i feel like i am destroying this shirt too much

em: she does it anyway

em: so jamies workout clothes are danis endless grey baggy school t-shirts and this one ugly souvenir shirt that like

em: psychological warfare and she doesn’t even know it

obsetress: i would........ like to see it

obsetress: also crop top jamie is one of my favorite jamies

obsetress: she is severely underrated

em: crop top jamie is

obsetress: and we do not talk about her enough

em: jamie wear More crop tops

obsetress: viola and rebecca in bed, in matching facemasks, after going to the gym post-epiphany that Jamie Is Hot

obsetress: viola: are dani and jamie hotter than us?

rebecca: what?

obsetress: and like

obsetress: viola is NOT insecure

obsetress: she is constantly confident that she's the most attractive woman in the room at any given moment, but

obsetress: she's just so staggered by this realization

em: some neutral third party (ms grose and mr sharma probably) are like well. u guys definitely have a little more of a scary thing going on

em: i’m imagining rebecca and viola at brunch w hannah and owen v seriously discussing this

em: viola brings it up and rebecca GROANS but then she gets invested in the convo

obsetress: GOD yeah

obsetress: she's leaning forward and gesturing with her fork "when you say 'scary'..........."

em: owens like scary is a compliment

em: hannah grose sips her tea knowingly

obsetress: rebecca just narrows her eyes at hannah grose and hannah raises her eyebrows and shrugs

em: after a week or so viola bursts into a room w stupid big sunglasses and a tray of take out coffees and she’s like Don’t You Worry Jamie I Have Concluded You’re Hot But I’m Not Threatened By It

em: jamies like sorry WHAT

em: you’ve been thinking about WHAT

em: viola leaves without ever following it up

obsetress: dani is entirely unfazed

obsetress: doesn't even blink

em: danis like neat she remembered the oat milk

em: everyone in this au is insane

obsetress: any lesbian in 2021 is insane

obsetress: par for the course

em: was gonna protest but

em: Yeah

obsetress: this lesbian meme account i follow on insta is doing “stop asking who’s the top and who’s the bottom. start asking...” posts

obsetress: and one of them is “start asking who’s baby and who’s fuck around and find out” and it just makes me chuckle

obsetress: jamie taylor baby

obsetress: viola lloyd also baby

em: dani is baby passing and jamie is fuck around faking

obsetress: oh my god that’s why that’s why i think we cracked it

obsetress: dani (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: rebecca (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: the reason they could never cross further even tho per the transitive property dani (so similar to vi) should be able to date beccs and jamie (so similar to beccs) should be able to date vi is because

obsetress: you can’t have two babies and two fuck arounds in a relationship together

em: oh of course. i see. i see

em: however in the rare rare crack ship of the ‘jamie viola hatefuck’ a similar phenomenon to ‘social anxiety mum friend ordering food’ instinct takes over and someone fucks around and finds out

em: this is just my unhinged jamie viola hatefuck bulkshit which is. it’s ironic ok it’s ironic it’s ironic it’s

em: ok one last thought bc i know it’s super late for u but

obsetress: omg i also have a last thought let’s trade

em: what if mikey is about isabels age n jamie ends up looking after him for one reason or another for a bit

em: and viola absolutely Dotes on him

obsetress: omg

obsetress: that’s what does it. jamie seeing viola w mikey

em: grumble grumble i guess she’s not that bad

em: except then she’s like god what if mikey likes her MORE than me

obsetress: “dani what if mikey gets one of those weird first crushes on vi”

obsetress: dani doesn’t even look up from the laundry “who hasn’t had a crush on vi”

obsetress: jamie’s like “mE” and dani just gives her the most withering look

em: danis like It’s Par For The Course Jamie

em: danis a teacher she’s like it happens don’t sweat it

em: anyway

em: what was. what was ur last little thought

obsetress: i was just thinking more about viola also baby and how also she’s been so privileged her whole life that sometimes there are just some things she can’t do for herself because she just doesn’t know how

obsetress: like she’s never had to learn

em: rebecca gets um

em: freeze dried coffee

em: nescafé

obsetress: but like

obsetress: rebecca genuinely loves taking care of vi for whatever reason (it’s because she loves her) when she really needs it but

obsetress: rebecca also takes no shit and is like “i’m not making the nescafé for you. you’re 36 years old, vi, you need to learn to do it for yourself”

obsetress: and she’ll stand there and watch her do it and then she makes vi do it at least three more times for posterity

obsetress: “i’ll make a plebeian of you yet, viola lloyd”

obsetress: (god only the two of them would think a line like that is funny)

#this one's fucken LONG!!!!!!!!#the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au

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1eos · 3 years

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kendra, my adhd and depression brain have been acting up on me for almost the past 7/8 months and i havent been talking to anybody who isnt living in my house even tho i know my friends are worried and have been calling but??? i cant bring myself to talk to them even tho i miss them soooo much. i just watched someone call me on three different platforms and ignored every incoming call and im just tired of being the person ghosting others and ruining friendships and i hate myself for it but the idea of having a real time social interaction sends me right into a panic attack and i dont know what to do with myself anymore. does this ever happen to you and if so, how do you deal with it? im sorry for dumping everything on here like that im just a bit overwhelmed rn

im so sorry im late anon my inbox has been beating me up. um i’ll preface this by saying i am NOT a professional nd if u feel anymore overwhelmed pls dont hesitate to reach out to any mental health professional bc not everything can be handled on your own this might be a sign to seek therapy or ask abt medication anything just pls don’t just suffer in silence!!!! but i have gone thru this exact thing a few months ago....i was really pulling away from everyone i knew bc keeping up the facade of being normal was getting to be too much nd i felt pressured to text back quickly nd be everybody’s backbone nd what helped me the most was just.....being honest w my friends. i feel like if u just tell them straight up you’re going thru a tough time y’all can reach a compromise where while u might respond late u’re still in touch nd knowing that ppl have ur back no matter what can help u focus on yourself nd work to get to a better place:’) ofc this is just my pov but in general real friends what u to be okay nd they’ll understand :’) i really do hope u start to feel better 😩

#pls do not be afraid to seek professional help!!!!#Anonymous

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grxceblqckthxrn · 4 years

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hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug.

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT

#chain of gold spoilers #chain of gold #james herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Matthew Fairchild #lucie herondale #anna lightwood #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #christopher lightwood #grace blackthorn #jesse blackthorn #tatiana blackthorn #the last hours #tlh #cassandra clare #the last hours spoilers #chog spoilers

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littlebabycrybtch · 4 years

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im sorry but sometimes it is so see through that you fake and corrupt ‘pro recovery’ people are literally just so frustrated and annoyed with nd people and thats all your mindset revolves around. like you’ll throw one or two fucking random self care tips at us and we’ll rightfully say ‘that doesnt work for me’ and yall instantly go on these absolutely unnecessary and brutal TANGENTS you were saving up abt how we’re ‘’’’wallowing’’’’ and that therapy takes ~Actual Effort~ so if ur special universal tips arent working for us we’re ‘’’being difficult’’’ and ‘’’’lazy’’’’ and ‘’’’hurting ourselves’’’’’ like. idk man sure i am sorry i cant ‘take a shower to feel better’ bc my symptoms make the task more stressful actually and take away from my other more necessary tasks, im sorry i forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water bc i just dont feel a difference anymore, im sorry i rely on medication instead of therapy bc therapists also teach me things that dont seem to work, except im trying, which means no matter how hard i might seem to be failing, i am ‘pro recovery’. idc how the fuck it Looks to you personally, i deserve your support. and i shouldnt Feel the Need to apologize to a stranger who claims to be my ally for experiencing mental illness symptoms and not being able to immediately correct them ! if i could do that i wouldnt be mentally ill !! i especially should not be made to feel ashamed to even Talk about my struggles just bc i know yall will try to put a bandaid on it and then guilt me when i say it didnt work. smfh like. ur children. sometimes things just have deeper rooted problems and u dont have to take it personally that you specifically cannot cure me.

ik it blows ur fucking goddamn mind but yes actually some people just Do really struggle to shower, to drink water, to take their meds, as in it takes actual personal efforts for them it wouldnt take for you and they have to work harder than you to accomplish them, and there are in fact some things nd people personally Cannot do and will Never be able to do without going backwards and sacrificing their happiness and quality of life exhausting themselves for an unattainable goal. only they know their limit, and pushing yourself past your limit is unarguably damaging. this ugly ass assumption you cannot be happy enough while still ‘allowing yourself’ to experience some symptoms... the idea that its just laziness and ‘anti recovery’ to openly struggle with what you view as the ‘easy’ or ‘beginning’ steps of recovery... is an inherently ableist and Harmful mindset you are all falling victim to and fucking over this community with. to be perfectly frank you are not ‘pro recovery’ when you demonize and shame people who are not ready for recovery. bc that doesnt do anything to help them recover. its genuinely just your excuse to hate and bash ‘severely’ nd people bc ur uncomfortable with them and wanna claim theyre doing it on purpose so you feel rightfully angry abt it. when you throw tantrums over us Being Mentally Ill and not ALREADY recovered like good boys or w/e all you are is pro nd people conforming to your standard of functioning and shutting the fuck up abt their actual identity and symptoms and experiences until they reach that level when ur comfy listening to them again. you’re pro neurotypical people, or those pretending to be for your comfort. its literally starting to border on an eugenics attitude by claiming the only healthy end goal is to be virtually indistinguishable from a neurotypical and match their functioning as best as possible. not all nd people Can do that, would be Happier doing that rather than accommodating their issues in other ways, and nor should that be the default goal to push on all nd people. also a lot of the shit yall push at us for even nts dont always conform to, so why is it us being made to walk on eggshells? why when i skip a shower am i evil and destructive but nt bob can go a week without one and no one bats an eye or they just joke about it???

lbr recovery doesnt look the same from person to person, you cant apply one broad standard like this, not to mention its not always an uphill battle, which doesnt just mean; ‘oops i relapsed :(((’. it means breakdowns, it means self harm, it means slacking off, failing hygiene, forgetting things, missing things, bad behavior, risky behavior, things that are Going to inconvenience you. and the second you forget that or decide to no longer care about those people, when you decide to have a baseline where you stop respecting or supporting nds for not trying hard enough to be like you, when you Drop them until they meet your standards as if they arent still nd people who need you on a basic level, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A FUCKING NEUROTYPICAL WHO DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHERRY PICK AT US LIKE THAT (!), is when you have inverted and ruined your own fucking cause by corrupting it with selfish conformist ableism.

tldr i understand why statements like ‘just go to therapy’ ‘thanks im cured’ would frustrate you, but i also VERY MUCH understand and NEED for you people to TRY and understand why mentally struggling people would be adverse to going to therapy, and not bc they goddamn hate recovery and wanna be sad forever or w/e strawman youve come up with, but bc of their issues which are valid and Can hinder these types of decisions and even affect how much aid these coping skills actually provide, and they dont deserve your fucking Unbridled Malice and Shame over it bc they are not literally trying to be more mentally ill. its simply a symptom and consequence of their already existing mental illness. like i really... cannot fathom the level of disconnect you must be on with nd politics to take that and assume they are truly just rejecting the possibility of happiness for the sake of being unhappy. i truly think if you cant wrap your head around ‘mentally ill people, whos minds are literally experiencing sickness, are not always rational or able to help themselves, or sometimes it only appears that way and they just know better abt it than you do’ you just. arent even an ally. you’re an ableist in activists clothing. people struggling with the concept of recovery arent inherently ‘anti recovery’, yall are honestly just really fucking BAD at how you push for recovery bc most of you dont know shit and are just mean and wanna whine abt nds to be quite blunt with u lol. the whole ‘tough love’ mindset is Bullshit ok it isnt real your love doesnt have to be tough and callous and come with conditions you just wanna be abrasive to validate ur judgement and then excuse it as secretly helpful, just be supportive and 📣 LISTEN 📣 to us or get the fuck out honestly bc u arent helping anyone with what this shit has unfortunately become

#tw ableism///#a little rambly but tldr i love the concept of pro recovery but oh my god if uckgin hate pro recovery people so much u are all so stupid #i keep waiting for you ppl to be less stupid and u never are #like mam are you pro recovery or are you anti visible mental illness. take a sec to ponder ill wait #long post #and for me its like. i dotn trust ppl who feel they have to clarify and say that why cant u just say ur a disability/mental illness ally #why cant you just say you support us. why cant you say you want us to be happy. why do you ahve to put #literally ALL of our value in your eyes on our recovery aka how far we can stray from being nd

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