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heartlilith · 7 months

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My Placements and How They Manifest

Capricorn Ascendent:

My mother told me that when she gave birth to me, it was worse than my other 3 other siblings by far. She had to be induced because there was no sign of me wanting to come out into the world (lol). She said she was in labor for hours and when I finally came out, she started hemorrhaging. It wasn't fatal obviously because she's alive today but yeah, I kind of associate that with my Capricorn rising. Still to this day, change is very uncomfortable for me especially if I have no control over what's happening. My childhood was great until my mom divorced my dad and remarried, that's when shit went south! I had new siblings, a stepfather, and had to see my dad heartbroken while also battling melanoma and being laid off (2008 recession). My sister stayed with him and I went with my mom. They were always fighting and spiting each other but it was my sister and I that missed out. It was always "what is your father saying about me?" yada yada yada. Growing up, I was bullied by my sister a lot, in my opinion, it was more than the usual sibling fights. My mom also took a lot of her anger out on me; she ended up getting a divorce not too long after remarrying, became an alcoholic and filed for bankruptcy. Being a Capricorn rising and dealing with the backlash of that, I always have money saved, ALWAYS. I'm like a squirrel hiding nuts I stg. If I'm completely broke I'm an anxious mess. It's also why I strive to be independent and self sufficient. It's why I manifest being filthy rich. High school was terrible tbh and I battled with depression and anxiety. College was a lot better and moving away from my mom and chaotic family did me well, I went from a 2.6 GPA in high school to 3.85 in college. Rereading this it sounds kinda like a sob story and that's not what I'm trying to accomplish so I'm just going to move on.

1st House Neptune, Uranus, Lilith:

I made a separate post either on here or Reddit about how my features have changed so much over the years. As a child, my hair was blonde then it turned blonde/red in late elementary school. Since then, it's turned darker and darker through the years. Now it's dark brown. My eyes were dark blue as a child and now they're light green - I attribute this to Uranus and Neptune being on my Ascendent. In my opinion, I'm not photogenic at all (Cap rising?) and I think I look different in every picture I take or is taken of me. With Lilith being in my first house, I was sexualized a lot growing up by older guys/men. And also bullied by boys my age; I remember they thought I was "too girly". Guys, I shit you not after I had enough of it, I started showing up with boy shorts and those tank tops guys wear HAHAHA to be more of a "tomboy"... I'm not really sure what that is but yeah, I must've been 10 or 12 or something. People would always say "it's because they have a crush on you/because they like you!" and I would be so confused. Nowadays, I think I rub some people, specifically men, the wrong way and they dislike me for "no reason", or maybe they have a reason but they never come out and say it. My Uranus in the 1st shows up as being quirky I guess? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's that my parents were never disciplinary at all, I could do whatever I wanted. At the time I loved it but deep down I think I wanted to them to care, so I would act more and more reckless. Today, maybe that sets me apart. One last thing about Neptune/Uranus in the 1st is that I can't stand to see people treating people/animals/or what have you, the wrong way. I can't even watch Youtube videos of animals starting off abused... even if the videos end with them being happy and healthy, I CAN'T DO IT. It deeply disturbs me.

Side Note (1st House Lilith):

As a small child I was obsessed with being naked all the time and skinny dipping LMFAO like it was a problem. Luckily there were no creeps and I was fine but would this placement indicate that in anyway? Let me know because it doesn't really fit with my Capricorn rising.

(I'm really sorry this post is so long and detailed I think I'm having word vomit)

Virgo Moon:

As a child I was really reserved and "chill". I already talked about my relationship with my mom and she was critical and whatever. One thing that sticks out about this placement is that she would always push the idea on me to "stay pure" and to "stay innocent", especially when I was a teen. Always pushing this on me. Always telling her friends I was "naive" and yeah maybe I was in a sense. I don't know it's weird how that fits. My mom wasn't all bad though. She definitely had many faults but she was a great mom in certain aspects. Growing up, I realized she's just a human like me, with problems of her own. I don’t hold it against her. Today, my Virgo moon makes me sooo anxious and worrisome. I definitely see the negative qualities it brings but the good qualities out weigh them. I love buying people gifts and I'm a great gift giver if I do say so myself. With my Capricorn rising and Virgo moon, I hate PDA and it can be hard for me to be lovey dovey (even with all my Leo), so I show love by buying gifts - kind of like my dad. My parents were never there for me emotionally but they bought me great gifts hahaha, I guess that's why. Also I tend to "mother" my partners; I do their laundry, do the cleaning, make their doctor appointments, and take care of them in a sense - like my mom did for me. Writing this out I can now see why I am the way I am lol.

Moon square Jupiter, Pluto, and Saturn:

Ooooff. Well I won't dive into it too much. I will say it affects my mental health greatly and I've had a lot of trouble in that department. My Moon square Jupiter really makes my moods go up and down. Like high highs and low lows for sure. I try to look at it positively even though it's hard sometimes. Having the high highs brings out my inner child (Jupiter in the 5th). When I'm happy I'm really happy and giggling and silly. And of course the flip side is low low :( But I like the high highs so I deal. Also with this, I tend to avoid being sad at all costs. All costs. I'm a true escape artist when it comes to emotions. With Pluto and Saturn squaring my Moon, I am infact a MOODY BITCH. LOL, hey at least I can admit it. It brings intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking, insecurity, and guilt with it too - all that great stuff. Moving on.

Cancer Mercury:

I like my Cancer Mercury a lot, even though it's paired with my all my Leo placements which can make me a ~smidge~ dramatic. I wasn't the best student in high school but I did take the hardest English courses they offered, which in hindsight saved my GPA lol. In college, I studied English with a concentration in creative writing. I mostly wrote and studied poetry which I loved so much. I'm a great listener and if I could write an advice column I would. I love how my Cancer Mercury makes me empathetic and how I'm able to put myself in anyone's shoes. One negative about this placement is that I get hurt easily (paired with Leo Sun and Virgo Moon esp), but I won't let you know I'm hurt, I'll just get angry and mean. I don't like that about myself and I wish I was more vulnerable in that aspect but it's easier to be angry than sad... right?

Leo Venus and Mars:

After talking about all the above placements, my Leo side is definitely my ray of sunshine in a way. I feel like with my Virgo Moon and the aspects it makes, it kinda settles my Leo ego. That's not to say I don't have an ego, I definitely do... just look at this post it's all about meee :) I have pictures of when I was 3-6 years old and flexing my muscles hahaha and I thought I was so strong I would go around and show everyone that I could pick my mom and older sister up. So weird. Other than that, when I dislike someone I tend to go on rant for awhile about everything I dislike about them. My least favorite thing is when someone makes me feel inferior or small, that will put me on 10 easily. I don't get mad all that much, it takes a lot but when I do get mad, I see red. Maybe cause I have Mars at 0 degrees. I do get over things quickly though, emotionally anyway, but I do hold a grudge. Also yesss, I have Leo hair. It's long and thick and hard to manage. Growing up, my mom would never let me color or cut it and I'm kinda glad now looking back on it.

8th house Moon & Venus:

This is why I hold grudges hahaha. In my opinion, the 8th house can be hard to understand/put into words until you experience it (in synastry, transit, natal, etc), then you just know. With Venus here, every person I'm romantically involved with transforms me but also takes a piece of me as well. In my experience with the 8th house, you can gain a lot of good things but it comes with a price. Whether its a mix of my placements or just these placements specifically, love really hurts! Break ups have put me in dark dark places. When I do love someone, I want to merge with them, like become "one" if that makes sense. So when it comes to an end, I have a huge hole left. In my life, this has manifested as when I ran away from home to a different state and ghosted my family and friends just to get back together with my boyfriend, all on a whim. I'd give it all up for someone I love. With Virgo Moon being in my 8th house, my anxiety mixes with my obsessive behavior which manifests as dermotillamania. I struggle with it so bad. I'm working on it but yeah that's kinda interesting looking from an astrological sense. Moon in the 8th house gives me great intuition though... I'm always right about the vibes. But this comes at the cost of feeling things extremely deeply.

Scorpio MC:

This is another placement that I like about my chart because my Capricorn rising makes me come off as intimidating and my MC makes people see me as powerful and mysterious. I don't know if people actually see me this way but even it being a possibility gives me like Olivia Benson vibes. I love her. Anyway, one thing I will say is I don't have social media anymore and haven't for years (besides Tumblr and Reddit) because I really value my privacy. I don't like people knowing things about me unless I decide to share it with them, even small things. Tumblr and Reddit are okay in my mind because I don't know anyone in real life. But even this post I'm already thinking of deleting and I haven't even posted it yet lol. When I did have social media, I would overshare and then delete the post an hour later. I was always deleting pictures and revamping my aesthetic. I became obsessed with likes and comments and scrolling that it was too much and I didn't like the power it had over me. Something else that I think manifests from my MC is that I love psychology, astrology, and things that tie into personalities.

5th house Jupiter & Saturn:

It always confused me on how to interpret having Saturn, the planet of limitations and responsibility, and Jupiter, the planet of expansion and luck, in the same house. I thought that they canceled each other out in a way, or level each other out... is a better way of putting it. I actually messaged @astrosky33 and asked how they interpret it. Her (?) answer was interesting and made a lot of sense. Jupiter and Saturn in the same house gives off both energies at the same time (why didn't I think of that? lol). So for the 5th house, in terms of my hypothetical kids, I would be a parent that has fun and is silly but also strict in some ways and responsible. One way Saturn in my 5th house manifests is that I don't want to do anything creative unless I feel it's productive in some way, which I don't like about myself. Meaning, I don't want to read a book if the genre is fantasy, I would rather read non-fiction or a self help book; something that I can learn from. Also, I really like hobbies where I can produce something, like making candles or making spell jars. If I can make money from a hobby that I love then even better. Jupiter in the 5th house manifests as being child-like and also loving kids. If things are going well and I'm happy, then I can be excited and goofy like a child. If things aren't going well, then I can throw a tantrum like a child. I love kids because my early childhood was the best time of my life before life hit me upside the head (lol). This past Halloween, I made goodie bags for the trick or treaters and got so excited when the doorbell rang. I don't know, I just want to protect kids and shield them from the bad in the world. Kids, out of everyone, deserve to be happy.

Sun sextile Jupiter:

Things tend to work out for me, well, as of lately anyway. I struggled a lot growing up and I was always wishing my life were different. I couldn't wait to leave home. Now, I have a boyfriend who I love very much and we live very comfortably. I have a great job and I am so much happier than I was before. Of course, life isn't always perfect and there are problems at every turn. I wish I could go back in time and tell 15 year old me that everything is going to be okay, more than okay actually. I have a dog and two kittens who I love very much and I'm very fortunate to have the life that I do. I try to stay positive because there's no point in being negative and sulking all the time. Plus, you never know what can happen so be thankful for what you have, even if in your eyes, it isn't enough. I believe in being nice to people, you never know how far one act of kindness can go. Lord knows I needed it during some pretty tough times in my life.

Venus square Saturn (TW: Eating disorder, drug use, phobias):

Going back to having fear of abandonment and being uncomfortable with PDA... well here is the culprit. Or some of the culprit. Since Venus is in my 8th house, I feel like this aspect plays into my fear of my family dying, more specifically, my parents. Whenever I visit home and I see they look a little older, move a little slower, I get really sad. Their birthdays are supposed to be for celebrating but I can't help but get sad. It takes over me and I obsess about what I'm going to do when the day comes and they're not here anymore. I put on a brave face though and I buy them nice gifts and send flowers on holidays... but it's always in the back of my mind. This aspect also manifests as having low self esteem and growing up this was very prevalent. I didn't care about myself at all; I did drugs, I put myself into bad situations that I get anxiety just thinking about what could've happened. I had an eating disorder, dated boys that were awful. I'm fortunate that I made it out okay. I still have insecurities today but during that time in my life it was so intense because even as a teen without this aspect, you deal with insecurities. It was like double trouble.

If you read this far, thank you. I hope it was semi-interesting and Im really curious to know what you guys think. Should I make a part 2? I’m feeling a little “out there” by posting this so I hope it's not too much. Thanks again for taking the time to read this.

(let me know what you think!)

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multifanficwriter · 2 years

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they don’t know about us (jj maybank x reader)

summary: jj and you being in a secret relationship, because you’re not allowed to be together with any pogues.

warnings: fluff, some angst, fighting, party, mention of smut, kinda strict parents.

note: english isn’t my first language.

NOT MY GIF

you walked down the stairs of your house, into the kitchen to find a snack and when you closed the fridge, your mother stood beside you.

“oh good morning, mom” you said, forcing a smile to your face.

“i don’t think you can call it that when it’s 2pm” she replied, which just made you roll your eyes. “why are you first up now anyway?” she asked as i opened up a yogurt.

“i’ve been up for a few hours, mom. i’ve just been in my room doing my homework, trust me” you explained. “you don’t have homework, honey.”

“uhm yes i have. that’s how school basically works, you know. teachers giving kids and teenagers homework to ruin their childhood.”

your mom stayed silent. “did you sneak out last night?” she suddenly asked.

“of course not,” you answered, maybe a bit too dramatic, but you couldn't help it.

“she’s lying,” the voice of your brother suddenly said. “what the fuck, nick. can’t you keep your stupid mouth shut for once in your life” you said, raising your voice.

“don’t talk like that to your own brother!” your mother replied, matching your voice. “whatever” you mumbled as you took your yogurt and went up to your room.

just as you had laid down on your bed, your annoying brother opened the door.

“what do you want?” you asked annoyed. “a normal sister” he answered with a smirk. “very funny” you said ironically.

“oh, mom says you’re grounded for the rest of the weekend” he added and closed the door.

you then took a deep breath, calming yourself down. “just great” you whispered to yourself.

a few seconds later, a text popped up on your phone.

—

you’re still up for later? 😉

uhm, I kinda get grounded…

again? you’re a bad girl

thank you i guess lol

anyway, still up for later? 😉

I just told you I’m grounded

and?

seriously JJ?

what? do you need me to save you like always?

maybe, just don’t get caught

never princess

thank you my hero

always 😘

—

“who are you texting you're smiling like that?” the voice from your brother said, making you jump, not even having noticed he had opened the door again.

“that’s none of your business” you said as you pushed him out of the door and locked it. then you sat down at your bed once again, waiting for jj.

you heard something hit your window, so you immediately went over there and opened the window to see him down there, looking handsome as always.

“housekeeping” he yelled which made you roll your eyes, but also laugh. “are you just going to stare at me all day or actually get down here?” he asked.

“my mom is downstairs, so i can’t go down there and I’ll probably die if i jump,” you explained.

“i’ll catch you,” he said. “aww that’s sweet, but no. find a ladder” you responded. “princess, just jump. you know i’ll catch you. i always do”

you thought about it for a second or two, before answering, “alright, but if i die, you aren’t invited to my funeral,” you joked.

“oh my god y/n. just freaking jump”

“uh, someones eager today” you teased. “y/n, i swear to god-” you interrupted him, when you jumped and he caught you, holding you in his arms.

“my hero” you mumbled and was about to kiss him, but then remembered where you were and got out of his strong arms. you also saw the small pout on your boyfriend's face.

“you’ll get kisses later when we’re just the two of us,” you told him. “pinky promise?” he said, still with a pout. “of course” you replied, taking your pinkie around his finger while you got lost in his blue eyes.

“now, let’s get out of here before anyone sees us,” jj said and picked you up as he ran with you in his arms, laughing like crazy.

what you two didn’t see was that your brother was standing at his window, watching everything that had just happened.

—

when jj and you finally reached your secret spot, he immediately pressed you up against the tree and kissed you. your hands tangled into his blonde hair while one of his hands went to your waist and the other one behind your neck.

“i missed you” he mumbled against your lips as he laid his forehead on yours. “we literally saw each other last night” you said, catching your breath.

“too long away from you” he mumbled again and pecked your lips. “chessy” you whispered with a grin. then the two of you just started into each other's eyes for what felt like forever, but you loved it.

“so, i have a question,” jj said, caressing your cheek. “ask away.”

“there’s this party later tonight and i really want to go there.”

“... with you.” he added.

“what if my mother finds out? my brother is probably going to be there too” you babbled. “just avoid him and stay by my side”

“but he will for sure see me and with you.”

“ouch, you made it sound like I’m a bad person.”

“well, my family thinks you are a bad and dirty person, so-”

“whatever. let’s just enjoy actually being together tonight and ignore everyone else. how does that sound?” jj asked.

you threw your arms around his neck. “that sounds perfect” you answered and put your lips on his.

you stopped kissing him, when you got an important thing to say. “i’m going to steal some of your clothes and make it cute, since i can’t go home”

jj just rolled his eyes at you. “i do not care, cupcake. now kiss me”

—

you and jj had now walked home to his house, checking if his father was home and lucky for the two of you, he wasn’t.

“just go into my room, i’ll grab two beers for us” jj told you and then you did what he said.

the first thing you did was go into his closet. it was quite messy and it made your organized brain cry a bit, but you had learned to accept it.

“already stealing my stuff. i should’ve know” you heard jj said as he sat down on his bed.

he then took your hand in his and dragged you over to him, between his legs, giving you a few kisses. “where’s my beer?” you asked.

“here i am, giving you my love and then you’re asking for beer?” he joked, but you just ruffled his hair and tried to find your beer, but then jj began tickling you.

“for fuck sakes, jj!” you screamed while laughing.

—

jj and you walked into the party with his arm around your waist, keeping you close. you looked a bit around and saw that your brother was also here with his stupid friends.

jj noticed you being a bit tense and then saw what you looked at. “calm down, baby. i got you” jj said and walked the other way.

you eventually found the people that you shouldn’t be calling best friends, but actually did.

“eyyy y/n” john b sang when he saw you. “eyyy john beee” you sang back as the two of you did your handshake.

“oh my god, i didn’t think you would come tonight” kie admitted and gave you a big hug. “thank god you came. i don’t think i’ll be able to handle being the only girl with these dumbasses tonight” she whispered in your ear, making you laugh.

“you’re welcome, my lady” you joked, kissing her hand and twirling her around. “hands off my girl,” jj said. “calm down, lover boy” kie responded with a laugh.

“where's pope?” you asked, missing your study buddy. “he went to get some beer,” john b answered. “did you force him or something, because pope getting some beer doesn’t sound right?!”

“you’re absolutely right, y/n” you heard the voice from pope say and you turned around to see him with five beers for y’all.

“popeee” you greeted with a smile. pope put the beers down on the table and opened his arms, giving you a big hug too.

just as you stopped hugging him, your smile faded when you saw certain persons standing behind him. “why do you look so sad?” pope asked, getting worried about you. “uhm-”

“it’s rude not to answer a question, y/n.”

“ugh, just shut up for once nick!” you told your brother, getting a few confused looks from other people at the party.

pope then turned around and walked a bit backwards, when he saw your brother, rafe, topper and kelce. “you shouldn’t be hanging out with these people” he told you.

“i hang out with who the hell i want to”

“i’m pretty sure your parents think otherwise,”that stupid jerk, rafe implied. “it’s not like you’re a perfect kid either, cameron” you said, getting pissed that he even said anything to you.

you still can’t believe your parents want you to be together with him. they clearly haven’t seen his real side. rafe gave you a dry laugh as he stepped closer to you.

“listen here, sweetheart-” he started, but got interrupted. “no, you fucking listen here. if you even fucking touch or step closer to her, i’ll beat the living shit out of you!” jj said and stepped in front of you, standing right in front of rafe.

rafe, once again, just laughed dryly. “we both know how that will end, maybank,” rafe muttered. “you laying on your flat ass and begging for your daddy?” jj challenged him. “what the fuck did you just say to me?”

“you heard me. i said-” jj didn’t get to finish his sentence, before rafe threw his hand against jj’s jaw, almost making jj fall.

“jj, let’s just get out of here” you said as you put your hand on his shoulder. “yeah, listen to your little bitch” rafe shouted, making jj’s eyes turn dark.

jj turned around and punched rafe, making both of them fall to the ground. jj threw a few punches to rafe’s face, but then rafe turned them around and got on top of jj.

you tried to get over to stop rafe, but you were held back by your brother’s arm. “nick, what the hell?”

“don’t get near them. you’ll hurt yourself”

“he can’t just do this do jj”

“wait here” nick said and then himself got towards the fight. “what is your brother doing?” kie asked.

“i don’t know” you answered as you nervously watched the fight where rafe clearly had the upper hand. out of nowhere, your brother came and took rafe off jj.

a few people booed, but suddenly cheered as rafe began pushing nick, now wanting to fight him. i took the chance to run over to jj. the others followed me and helped jj up.

“take him to the car. i’ll try to see what my brother is doing” you said. “you have 10 minutes and then we’re driving, alright!?” john b replied.

“alrighty” you said and got into the garden again to find your brother. you find him on top of rafe, punching the shit out of him. “your brother has game” a girl said, standing beside you.

you decided to just ignore her. “sucks he's such an asshole and is standing up for a pogue” she added. “why don’t you like the pogues? they have done nothing wrong!” you said.

“oh, is this because you’re fucking around with jj? i’m sure he’s also fucking around with that bitch, kiara” she replied and that made you snap. you gave her a push, saying she shouldn’t ever talk about your friends in that way again, and then she gave you a weak punch. nothing you haven’t tried before.

then you began beating the shit out of her. they could talk shit about you, but never about your friends. you suddenly heard sirens and quickly got off the chick as you ran to the van.

as you had jumped into the van, you informed them that you heard sirens and then john b started the car quickly and drove away.

“can you set me off at my house?” you asked. “what about your parents?” kie said, sounding worried, knowing your mom could be easily pissed.

“i’ll tell them that i went to the beach or something. don’t worry about me” you explained. “just please take good care of jj!”

“so stupid in love” john b said. “so cute” kie added which made pope and you crack a laugh.

“yeah. i’m pretty stupid in love with that blondie” you answered with a shy smile.

“i can’t wait for the wedding” pope teased you, making the others laugh.

—

“this is me,” you said. “see you soon, y/n” the others said as you closed the door to the van.

you stood and waved at them as they drove away.

then you opened your front door and prayed to god that your parents were sleeping.

lucky for you, they were and you went into your bathroom, taking a quick shower and then jumped into bed, falling asleep immediately after the eventful night.

—

you woke up to your mom banging into your room. “what the hell, mom?”

“please tell me that what your brother is telling me isn’t true!” she shouted. “what are you talking about?” you asked, still not being fully awake.

“you having a boyfriend that forced you to jump out of a window and dragged you to a stupid party while you were grounded?”

“mom listen-”

“and that this boyfriend of yours is a pogue alongside your friends?!” you then stared at her with wide eyes.

“please tell me he’s wrong!” she basically begged. you continued to stay silent.

then your father also came into your room. “don’t be too hard on her,” he told your mom.

“so it is true?” your mother once again asked. “yes mom. i’m in freaking love with a pogue and my best friends are also freaking pogues!” you yelled in your parents’ faces, making them go silent.

your mom walked out of the room, leaving you and your father back alone.

“there’s nothing i can do about it, okay dad. i’m in love with this guy and i know he’s the one for me and these people are my best friends. i’m actually having fun with them. i’ve never been happier in my whole life” you rambled as tears came down your cheeks.

“shh, it’s alright, honey” he said and took you into his arms for some comfort.

—

later that day at the table, your family sat, ready to talk this out somehow.

“okay, so tell me what happened at the party yesterday, y/n” your dad said.

“it’s true that jj had told me to jump out of the window, but he didn’t force me at all. i trust him, so i knew he would catch me and he did like always. then we later got to the party and tried to avoid nick, because he will always gossip about me-”

“what, that’s not true-”

“nick, you’re not talking right now” your father said and then you began explaining again.

“as i was saying, we were at the party and i said hi to my friends. then as i was hugging one of them nick and his friends suddenly stood in front of me. nick began saying that i shouldn’t be hanging out with pogues, but i said i didn’t care about what he thought and then rafe began talking shit, so jj came forward and told him to back off. they argued a bit, before rafe punched jj and said that i was jj’s bitch. then they began fighting and boom, then nick and rafe began fighting while i took down some chick that was talking shit about my friends and-”

“okay okay. i think we got it” your father said, stopping you as you began raising your voice a bit.

“i’m sorry for sneaking out and not telling you about this, but i didn’t wanted to lose my friends, because my parents doesn’t like poor people”

“what? that’s not what this is about!” your mother said. “why do you hate pogues then? they’ve done nothing wrong. they have shit lifes and just wanna have fun like everybody else, mom!”

“i know, okay! but there’s still dirty people out there”

“do you really think i will be together with people i don’t trust? you know, you didn’t raised me like that”

“i know. i just don’t want you to get hurt” you then stood up from your chair and walked over, giving her a hug.

“these people are my absolute best friends. i promise you they won’t hurt me”

—

“how do i look?” jj asked as he looked in the mirror of your car.

“like the most handsome guy in the world” you answered. “really”?

you hummed a yes, driving into your driveway. “what if they don’t like me?”

you then took his head in your hands.

“jj maybank, you’re one of the best people i’ve met and you changed my life complenty. i think they already love you for making me this happy” you admitted and gave him a kiss.

“just what i needed” he mumbled against your lips. “now come on. we can’t be late for your first dinner with my family.”

—

#jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #obx #outer banks x reader #outer banks imagine #outer banks imagines #outer banks

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whosmarii · 5 months

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Nefer.

Summary:

Maybe the only way you can learn about your powers is with shock therapy. You didn't even know the extent they have. So S.H.I.E.L.D decided to send you on a mission they belived not to be Avenger typa deanger, they were wrong. Marc Spector case seems to be much more profound and obscure that it appears.

*This chapter is just a preface (it literally says prologue lol) so take that into account,

*Reader is fem and already has a name (you are Nefer dear), but you can like completely ignore that name and use yours.

Prologue.

It is 4am. You usually wake up at that hour, the training is beyond all bearing and you already state that you'll never use pills to the stress cause by it.

" You have to be able to control your brain on your own Nefer, if not, you'll have to be put down." That's what Nicholas Fury told you when S.H.I.E.L.D take you in. You think just like him, what it's going to be of you if your wellbeing depends on a pharmacist with a chemical engineering degree who just wants to capitalize on your suffering so that you buy more of his Lorazepam.

Anyways, he wasn't refering to that when he said that sentence. Nicholas meant that you need to be able to control your powers, so you can finally be a confirmed Avenger.

It's frustrating, seeing everyone around you having a symbiosis with their supernatural abilities. Even Peter with just 15 years did it in less than a week. But you couldn't do it in 19 years, not even when 5 of those years consisted on studying your might, a fucking failure.

In fact, if it weren't for Tony, Bruce and their test, today you would still not know the label of your powers. Apparently you can somehow work with Love and beauty but we don't exactly know the dimension of this. You always suspected it tho.

"Denisse could you take care of Nefertiti for a few minutes, please?" Said Carmela, Nefertitis mother, leaving the living room leaving no place for a response. "Aren't you the most cute girl hm?" said aunt Denisse looking right at the baby of 1 year old in front of her. The little girl stretched her arms to try and touch her belly. "Oh, you like my t-shirt? look it has color pink! you like color pink right Nefi?" Nefertiti smiled at her, trying to say something but failing because of her lack of speaking ability, still she managed to mumble some words, or an attempt of them. "baba- babs-bybybyby" "Baba? papa? you want your daddy? your dada? i'll go find him baby" baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. That was the word. baby, baby, baby, baby. "baba- babababa- byyy-baaaa by- baby-baby-baby" the child yelled the word alone in the living room. Of course the sound alerted the whole family making everyone run towars the living room, just to find Nefer repeting the word baby with her eyes closed. "I can't belive this... Anton, get the camera! Nefer is saying her first word!!!" said the mother of the little girl to her husband, kneeling in front of her to praise her for her intelligence. Meanwhile aunt Denisse remaind standing in the doorframe with a frown on her face. Nefertiti's first word was baby and she was uncontrollably saying it, now with her eyes open looking right on hers. A few seconds later Carmela notice the weird behavior, she thought that maybe Denisse or her husband were making silly faces and movements so her baby would look at them. But when she looks backwards the only thing she sees is her sister touching her belly. "Baby in here?" mutters Denisse while pointing at her belly. Nefertitis smile gets bigger and she starts nodding with her head. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. "Are you pregnant..?" "Yes."

Your mother would always tell you that story. How did you know your aunt was pregnant? no one knows, no, actually you do now. You guess that it is one of your abilities. You don't exacly know how the fuck could could you use that for an Avenger mission but at least you knew it was your thing.

Your family also told you storys about how you would talk about couples that weren't actually together and years later got married. At first everyone thought that maybe you could see the future but that wasn't it.

Or about the many times people would do what you told them to do just because you were the prettiest girl they ever saw. And i'm talking about an extreme dimension. People doing ilegal things on autopilot just because a pretty 7 year old girl told them to.

Bruce says that you have some type of higher intelligence when it comes to femenine aspects like fertility and love and that you clearly have some type of absolute beauty that if you learn how to use, it could be very powerful.

But for now, you are useless. You can't be on Avengers missions if you don't know when are your powers going to strike and in who are they going to strike. That's why you have to wake up at 4 am every day to train your powers. That's what you been doing for the last 5 years.

And that definitly has to change now.

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thoughfalse · 2 years

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money manifestation success story <3 (with proof)

hey guys (๑•͈ᴗ•͈) i just wanna share a quick money success story that happened just a few hours ago!

so long story short, i got like a buttload of stuff during the 11.11 sale a few days ago because lets be honest, the offers and discounts that day were absolutely insane -- and with online shopping comes with the ridiculous amount of shipping fee, especially when you live on the other side of the world.

lets just say that i may or may not have underestimated the amount needed for shipping and the shipping itself may or may not have costed more than the amount of things i bought altogether.

so best believe when it was time to pay for shipping, i sat there and was like 😀 i do not have the money for that !!! 😄 but i was like okay jade its fine lets just manifest some quick cash because i want my stuff to arrive asap and i sure as hell aint waiting for a whole month for my allowance just to pay for shipping.

my goal:

to have more than enough money to pay for shipping

how i did it:

i just affirmed "i have more than enough money to pay for shipping" and kinda lived in the end / thinking thoughts i would have as if my desire were true. i just affirmed whenever i felt like it, i just affirmed whenever i thought about it. i affirmed feelingly and also vainly (?) like i would affirm as if it was a fact and i'd feel this relief that it is done, i dont have anything else to do other than to wait for my parcel to arrive, as well as just vainly affirming throughout the day whenever i thought about it. every time my mind goes hey you still need to pay for shipping i'd be like yeah ik im just busy atm i'll do it later and kinda just went on with my day.

did i have intrusive thoughts? yes.

did i believe it was gonna happen? not really, but in a way, yes, because i do get monthly allowance so i could still pay it off sooner or later but like i said im not waiting that long just to pay for shipping, i want it like rn bro

fast forward today, i just had this random urge to just pay for it. did i think i was gonna get money? no lol, but i decided to check my bank balance anyway, and guess what, my sister sent me some money she owed me a while back, as well as an unknown transaction for a 'refund' that i never even knew about lmao, and guess what, that was literally more than enough for me to pay for my shipping LOL

this honestly really boosted my belief in the law and the power of my mind and i hope it gave you some sort of relief like it did to me that the law is actually always working, you just have to make it work in your favour!

if you have any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments! i'd be more than happy to help :)

#success story #loassumption #law of assumption #loa #master manifestor #manifestation #affirmyourreality #neville goddard

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mlobsters · 4 months

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supernatural s14e1 stranger in a strange land (w. andrew dabb)

pre-ep recap being ac/dc shot down in flames much better fit than metallica's nothing else matters from 13x01 vibe-wise and matching the pace of the clips. good job, guys. and smooth segue to it being on in the car

s14e1 / the matrix

wtf jackles, what is this speaking voice/cadence. reminds me of keanu reeves?? usually when i make really out there sound associations, i'm a little high. but that is not the case today. he's acting more like an agent than neo, but getting the keanu vibes :p i can't think of what movie specifically i'm thinking of. the devil's advocate and constantine are the other two keanu movies i've seen a bunch, but i dunno

never good when i'm pulling a clip in the first few minutes 🥴 gonna be a 2-3 day watch i'm guessing.

also don't really understand the styling choices. i get that it helps make a big visual difference between michael and dean, but like. dude wasn't dressing like this old timey fancy man with a flat cap in the au world. is this 20s-ish? never seen peaky blinders but this seems kinda similar? reading about collar pins and bars now. lol

is this the grief beard i've heard about. well maintained, if so

MARY Sam, we’re gonna find him. Ketch is working that thing in London. Castiel is in Detroit. I know it’s been three weeks since Dean… Something will break. It has to. SAM Yeah. Yeah, you keep saying that.

so like why does sam need to be in charge and involved in this vampire thing with this bunker full of people? they were fully self organized and fighting before they came here. even if sam is de facto leader for whatever reason; delegate, my guy. no help to anyone if you're not sleeping. call jody in, i bet she could talk some sense into him. also vaguely funny that we're all Team Family Go! but the family i connect with the most for them is jody and her girls

CASTIEL Does any demon know where Dean Winchester is? KIPLING I’m sorry, did you just say you lost a Winchester? Because, one -- that’s… interesting. And, two, how is that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the… [Kipling glances down in a suggestive way.] …you know, everything.

in a way i wish i could have watched this without any knowledge of fandom because my knee jerk response is, ew. because i just don't see anything between dean and cas, i have a hard time grasping they're even close, i've just tried to accept it because the show tells us all the time. but maybe i could have come around to it more if i didn't know about the screaming zeitgeist that is destiel. or maybe i'd have the same reaction, i don't know. but anyway perpetually disgruntled knowing that my reaction is always colored somewhat due to fandom. i try to watch objectively but i know my feelings on things outside the show color my feelings of stuff inside the show

oh, cas. what have you gotten yourself into this time.

mmmk

SISTER JO Why would he say “yes” to you? MICHAEL Love.

short and sweet

man i know jackles is trying to do something different but i do not enjoy the way he's speaking as michael. ok now i'm getting umm. brad pitt in interview with the vampire?? like when he's talking to what's his face. for the interview. lol. christian slater! kind of slow, flat fairly emotionless narration.

um. how in the world is nick's soul in his vessel? didn't crowley remake it or whatever? or did he not die at any point in the ... 7 years intervening between lucifer dumping him in s5 and getting popped back in during s12

from 12x13 CROWLEY I managed to pervert that spell. So your essence wasn't sent back to the cage, but instead, we found your discarded vessel a few years ago… repaired it, improved it, making it a fitting final home for the real you.

whatever, man. nothing makes sense to me anymore. also thinking about jimmy novak called being possessed by castiel like "being chained to a comet" - for all those years

NICK Ow. I don't get it. I don't understand how Lucifer could die and I could live. SAM Yeah, um… I think that maybe it's because the archangel blades were made to kill the archangel inside a-and not the person they, uh -- NICK Possesses and uses to almost end the world twice?

sure. SURE. that makes sense. not at all how anything else ever works on this show, but sure! i mean, i love mark pellegrino too but come on, guys.

SAM Stop saying that, please. MARY What? SAM “It's gonna be fine,” that everything's gonna be fine, we're gonna find Dean, and -- MARY We are. SAM You don't know that. Dean's gone, and we have no idea where he is or -- or if he's even still alive. You know, Michael could have… burned him out or… worse, and… MARY I know. I know he's out there, scared and alone. I know. I know he might never come back. Never think I don't know that. But -- I can't -- I have to think about the good, Sam, because, if I don't, I will drown in the bad. For Dean's sake, I can't do that. We can't do that.

that's fine and reasonable but it's also reasonable that sam doesn't want to hear a baseless placation.

jack getting a grandpa bobby now too apparently

completely zoning out on this demon monologuing. why did they bring the girl along who isn't a hunter. what happened to the devil's trap bullets? and couldn't they make the bullets made out of the angel blades they had on the au world? because with all the dead angels they surely must have a stockpile. wouldn't get this several minute action sequence with fake tension though so

SAM Enough! There will be no new King of Hell. Not today. Not ever. And if anybody wants the job, you can come through me. Understood? (breathing heavily) So, what's it gonna be?

lol okay

SAM It's the -- It's the magic egg that kicked Lucifer out of the President. I thought we could use it on Michael, but -- Ketch can't find it. So, that's another dead end, which is just awesome.

i'm glad the show remembered because i completely forgot about that thing. thanks for preemptively ruling it out

CASTIEL Sam, are you all right? SAM Yeah, I've been better. I've been worse. You? CASTIEL I'm -- I'm just sorry. I should never have gone to those demons. SAM Cass, I -- No, I-I-I don't blame you. I… Honestly, I-I wish I'd have thought of it first. If it meant finding Dean, I-I'd work with -- I'd do anything.

❤️ take what i can get. (still need to sleep, sammy)

MICHAEL Now, you -- you know exactly what you want. You don't pretend to want to help people or save the world. Your want is pure and simple and clean. And that's why you are worth saving. That's why we are going to work so well together. Because you -- you just want to eat.

LOL what. michael loves vampires!

!! omg lol i just reread my 13x23 with my whole "can't kill michael now that he's wearing dean" is that the whole reason we get pellegrino back as nick, so we can find out that archangel blades don't kill the vessel?? 😂

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 14x01 #spnwhinge #spn clip #andrew dabb

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toriria · 2 years

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𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟔: 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐱 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬?

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 | 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓

Ayato stares at you, who is happily munching on the breakfast he made for you, thinking about his texts with Thoma.

It’s true that Ayato has liked you for a long time, not that you ever noticed because he had always been too nervous to make a move or even talk to you. Ayaka wasn’t aware of his feelings for you either, if she was, you and him would’ve never heard the end of it. You two would’ve met a long time ago if she did.

Ayato doesn’t believe in things like fate or the saying, “things happen for a reason.” He believed in hard work and that you are the only one who can decide to change your life around.

But this has got to mean something, romantic or not he didn’t care. Being able to see you laughing and smiling with the kitten curled up in your lap, it was a beautiful sight to behold. A sight he never thought that he would be the only one to witness.

You glance at him, noticing his gaze, “Why are you staring at me?”

He tenses up for a second, you could be so straight to the point sometimes. Not that he minded, he enjoyed that about you.

He smiles, reaching his hand out to wipe some cream from the corner of your lip, “No reason.”

Your eyes widen, “Is there anything else on my face?”

He shakes his head, but your attention is drawn to the meowing kitten in you lap.

You coo, “What? You want some of my food? Here you go, Cutie.”

You pick up a small slice of strawberry and give it to her, giving her a kiss on the head while you were at it. Ayato has never felt more jealous of an animal in his life.

“Don’t give her too much,” Ayato warns.

You nudge him, “Relax, she’s not going to die if I give her a little.”

He sighs and takes your now-empty plate to put it in the sink.

“I can wash it. Spend some time with Kitty, she told me she misses you,” you smile, yesterday really brought you three closer. Ayato still had to pay kitty support though. However, he said he didn’t mind, so you didn’t mind.

He shakes his head, a smile growing on his lips at your words. He takes the kitty into his arms, his hand grazing yours.

He was warm, you thought. It felt nicer against your cooler hands.

You start washing the dishes, “I promised Ayaka I would have lunch with her today, so this time I won’t stay over. Even though I didn’t mean to last night, sorry about that.”

“No worries, I enjoyed my time,” he smiles.

You were glad, you honestly felt quite bad about taking up his bed, “Where did you sleep last night anyways?”

“The couch,” he responds.

You tilt your head, “You could’ve just slept on the bed, it’s yours. I wouldn’t have minded.”

Ayato curses at himself at the missed opportunity. He could’ve woken up to you sleepy and messy-haired, and instead he decide to be a gentleman.

“I’ll keep that in mind next time,” he smiles.

You grin, “I wouldn’t mind sleeping in your bed again. I slept so well last night, it was the best sleep I’ve had in months!”

He’s about to answer but your phone ringing cuts him off. It’s probably his sister, he guesses. He sighs as you take the phone and confirm his guess. The kitty curls up on his lap. He pouts and scratches his kitty’s head while you exchange your goodbyes.

The dorm becomes quiet once more, but it’s not too bad since he has his kitty to keep him company. Ayato decides that he’s going to teach the kitty some tricks during his free time.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: (𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐱 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝!)

@yintsukareta @koritasp @whats-humanity-lol @reverse-iak @estelwrld @slvdsjjk @hadesaedes @gothic-illustrations @fanfictwarrior @velionas @elysiasbae @morgan-is-writing @aixaingela

#ayato kamisato #genshin impact #genshin impact smau #ayato x reader #genshin ayato #kamisato ayaka #kamisato ayato x reader #ayato kamisato x reader #ayato x you #genshin ayaka

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otakween · 26 days

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One Pound Gospel - Volume 1

Yay, new series! (This one was next on MAL after 0 Man). Happy to be reading something by another icon (Rumiko Takahashi). I've never heard anyone talk about this one at all, so I don't know what general opinions are nor do I know anything about the plot. Let's go!

Ch. 1

So we got a boxer in love with a nun...I saw a commenter comparing this premise to Nacho Libre and now I can't unsee it.

(I might need to include a rewatch of that movie, for the meme).

Anyways, our leads are Kosaku and Sister Angela. Kosaku seems like a head empty jock who thinks with his heart and stomach. Sister Angela seems like she can whip him into shape (emotionally lol).

Despite having watched most of Ranma 1/2, I don't think I've ever read a Rumiko Takahashi manga? Craziness! This isn't her first work but it's one of the earlier ones from the 1980s, so I'm expecting some newbie scuff (or maybe she was just a legend from the start?)

Christianity in anime/manga isn't that uncommon, but to have it be one of the main focuses is intriguing. I wonder if we'll find out how Kosaku and Angela came to the religion as Japanese people?

I don't care about boxing at all IRL, but I don't mind reading about it and learning the lingo. Maybe I'll gain an appreciation I didn't have before lol.

Didn't like Kosaku forcing a kiss on Angela (her being a nun makes it extra scuzzy). Oh the 80s...

Ch. 2

See? I'm already learning stuff. Apparently boxers aren't supposed to drink water during a fight (just rinse) and they're not supposed to have sex prior to the fight (I already knew about that one, but this reminded me). That second one's more of a superstition though.

I wasn't sure if Sister Angela wearing her habit all the time was realistic, but I googled it and apparently in some cases that is enforced. Also, I've seen nuns in public wearing habits, so I guess it's legit.

Sister Angela getting plastered was kind of funny but her breaking her wine bottle was a bit extreme. She's kinda unhinged in general, she shows up at Kosaku's match and tells him she'll never forgive him if he loses? (Seems toxic but okay)

The strategies Kosaku's coach has him using to make weight are kinda fucked up (borderline disordered). Starving himself, laxatives and sweating the weight off. I'm sure that happens plenty IRL though. Pretty sad that athletes feel the need to put their bodies through that.

Ch. 3

People in Japan...they can't actually down like 5 bowls of ramen right, that's just an anime thing? I eat one bowl and I need to lie down lol.

I look forward to seeing the food in the adaptations of the manga. Particularly in the live action.

The crucifix falling over when Angela prays for Kosaku was a funny gag.

At this point in the story the focus is definitely more on Kosaku's boxing career than on romance. I wonder if it will kind of go back and forth between the two or if the romance will always just be on the sidelines?

Ch. 4

I can't tell if Kosaku has a food addiction or if they're literally starving him. They never show him eating healthy/low calorie food that's approved by his coach so it kind of feels like he's just not allowed to eat at all. Anyone would obsessively seek out food if that's the case! He did mention "diet" earlier, so I'll hope it's not...

If I was let loose in Tokyo I'd struggle with food temptation too lol. So much street food... (Wait, is this set in Tokyo?)

Ch. 5

Kosaku stumbles into a win after throwing up in the ring again. Apparently you're allowed to win by yeeting your opponent outside the ring? Seems wrong, but what do I know

All this starvation-binge stuff is making me a little nauseous. There's gotta be a better way!

Ch. 6

You know how straight dudes in the 1980s dressed in a way that seems gay-coded by today's standards? That's kinda what Kosaku's giving. He's really cute. (Not much of a personality tho)

Takahashi sure likes her repetitive gags doesn't she? A lot of "comedy" anime do this and it's frankly kind of frustrating. I'm not gonna laugh when you do the same joke for the millionth time...

They seriously just should have put him in a heavier weight class sooner, but it feels like I'm missing something here. Why does it matter which weight class you're in and why are some more sought after than others? -shrug-

I also don't get the "4 rounds" vs. "6 rounds" thing. Is it like baseball vs. softball or something? At least Sister Angela is just as clueless as me!

Ch. 7

Okay so apparently you pick your weight class based on your bone structure, I get it I don't really get it

Ch. 8

Okay, I immediately hate Onimaru for begging his pregnant wife to have a son and not a daughter 😒 I hope Kosaku kicks his ass

It almost seems like a conflict of interest to have your friend do your confession, no?

This series is reminding me of Spy x Family. Like you know how in that show Yor's plotline is mostly sidelined compared to Loid's? That's kinda how the Kosaku/Angela balance feels here.

Ch. 9

I really don't know anything about boxing, so I don't know what makes a good or bad fight, but this one seemed really pathetic lol. I'm glad at least Onimaru wasn't a sore loser, he probably needed to be humbled anyways.

The manga seems to be implying that Kosaku is fat which...huh? He doesn't look fat at all? Sure, he eats like a fat person but...I think 1980s "fat" meant something different lol.

IDK why Angela is so set on Kosaku being in the lower weight class. I guess it's good to be disciplined, so she sees that as the morally right thing to do?

So so far this seems like a very low stakes manga. It's leaning more towards the sports genre than the romcom, which isn't really what I expected. Well, after 0-Man I could definitely use an easy-breezy read like this. Onto the next volume!

#one pound gospel #manga

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jils-things · 2 months

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JILLLL‼️ TACKLES YOU TO THE GROUND HELLOO... ask game 3, 7, 9, 10, 16 for Mrs. Jaide Stone please 🫶🩷 I know u already ramble a lot abt her and I probably already know almost everything, but I WANNA HEAR U RAMBLE STILL

GOODNESS GRACIOUS THAT IS A LOT. A LOOOOT. you trying to study her like a lil specimen for real and you know what. ill take that because she is nothing short of SMALL DETAILS she is so special to ME THANK U

3. how do the other characters generally feel about your self insert?

let's go with gold first, of course, hehe. gold has witnessed her change a lot, she used to be very playful with gold - rollerskating and skateboarding together in the park. she was not as refined as she is today and she's certainly rough around the edges when she was younger! he loves her for being able to find time to play with him even as an older sister (who can be busy). he's aware that she's changed so much but it doenst change the fact he still knows her deep down and loves her regardless. he's usually very relaxed with her, but he also knows when not to step on the "you are fucked" territory but he still does anyway lol because she will. probably be a little irritated by him HDFJKSAHJSFAHHAA just because theyre close doesnt mean she doesnt drag him out of danger and reprimand all the time 😭😭😭its tough love and big sister energy this is normal.

sapphire ADORES her. she looks up to her, sees her as her guardian and she sometimes goes to her for comfort when it comes to emotions because she's pretty bad at controlling them, especially romantic feelings. jaide sees a lot of herself in sapphire and does her best to counsel her and push her to the right path :3 sapphire picks up wild berries for her!

i wanna mention wallace here because hes so funny to me for being closely connected to steven and ruby ok listen. jaide is like. hoooly shit. you are the flashiest man alive. what the fuck. (<- in her mind). ruby is such a big wallace fan. ruby would go to his mom and go mommmm mom i really look up to wallace i wanna be just like him and his ability to make pkm.n ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. ruby would show her how he looks like and shes like. oh..... ruby youre not gonna dress like that are you (SLASH LH IM REFERRING TO HIS ORAS OUTFIT ITS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME, LOOK IT UP) AND WALLACE IS CLOSE FRIENDS WITH STEVEN SO IMAGINE STEVEN GOING LIKE "honey i have a good friend of mine who has helped me a lot in the past. it would mean a lot to me if you met him too!" AND ITS WALLACE ASDJFAHFKSAGHSDDKJSDGJAS SORRY THIS HAS BEEN A RUNNING JOKE FOR ME I HAD TO MENTION IT. I PROMISE YOU I LIKE WALLACE AND EVEN MORE IN POKEMAS HES SO SWEET ASFSHDFSDJKHSDKJA

7. would any other characters (besides your f/o) have a crush on your self insert?

GOOD GRIEF LITTLE KNOWN FACT ABT ME AHSFDKGFDSGHSA I ALMOST FELL FOR PO.KESPE!BILL (YES THE ONE NERO IS KISSING) HAFSDJGHGDS BUT I RESTRAINED MYSELF LMAOOO so i guess i will associate him with that????? (THEY NEVER EVEN MET. CRACKSHIP TERRITORY LETS GO) i do wonder who would look cute next to madam stone however i would love to hear it sahsfdsajhf (no dont say riley im saving him AEHM) maybe himbos would cute next to her idkkk wiwiw guys help me find a cute crackship HEAUHAHAHAHHAA

9. who are your self insert’s closest friends?

AAIAUAUAUUU PROFESSOR SY.CAMORE!!!!!!!!!! WIWIWIWIWI (MY DAD IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE SHHH) steven has interacted with him in the anime and i loved it smmm huhu and they both have the common interest in mega stones and i think steven would take her with him to ka.los to meet sy.camore and they would get along very well!!! i think s.ycamore would be such a tease abt jaide being steven's wife ahuhuhu and he'd say stuff to make steven embarrassed. "dear jaide, did you know your - heh, husband steven tends to go on a daze when i mention your name? he's so fond of you that he had to bring you all the way here, huh?" and then he chuckles. STEVEN IS GONNA HAVE A WORD WITH HIM LATER 💥💥💥💥💥JAIDE ONLY LEARNED THIS TODAY AND WILL PROBABLY THINK OF THIS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY

can i say maroon hallo 🤓🤓🤓 NO BUT LIKE WWUWWAAA they are definitely best friends in my eyes, theyre both mothers and their son/brother are close with each other!!! how can i ignore that?!?!? maroon would always give her nice pastries for jaide and her family to eat - lots of well wishes from each other and i imagine jaide would occasionally visit ka.nto (since she also goes to jo.hto to say hi to her ma and brother) and they would just find a lot of solidarity with each other <333 heck i can even imagine if gold decided to visit silver and kris at maroon's place and jaide would call her and ask to watch over him wiwiiw JUST. MOMS BEING FRIENDS WWWWWW

10. how do the other characters feel about your self insert and f/o’s relationship?

AFJMSAKLGFSJGHSAFJSDFKSALGAS NUMBER ONE CONTENDER GOLD AGAIN GOTRDAMNIT GOLD WOULD NOT LIKE STEVEN AT FIRST because he thought he was a part of team rocket (he has the money, he wears an all black suit, something all team rock.et members wear, and gold's dumb brain thinking this makes sense to him) HES SO OVERPROTECTIVE TRUST ME ESP IN THE DATING PHASE DUDE WILLGET SO MAD IF JAIDE SAYS SHES GOING TO HO.ENN "no you are not talking to that blue haired kid" (aha reference) but is his complaining gonna stop? no <3 and then they get married and ruby is gold's nephew and now hes crying. whos winning huh? and whos the clown? gold. thank you.

eventually gold does warm up to steven and finds him to be a very fun battling rival,,, also would probably ask for cash because brother in law privilege i guess. LMFAO. yk steven doesnt mind that actually. jaide has told steven about her family so he knows when to be serious with him or not. he's a good man :3

overall i think many would not actually know about steven's love life because he's private about it. only certain people know about it (the dex.holders, jaide's/steven's family and friends, and zinnia unfortunately) steven is protecting her identity and he wants it that way because he's famous in ho.enn for many reasons. especially for the fact that he has a family, he's very protective of ruby because of the past events that occured and he hopes it wont happen again and it wont be exploited. the only tip of the iceberg knowledge that the public would know is that hes married, he has a child, thats all. heck, i bet people think it would be easy to spot steven's child for his classic blue hair BUT PLOT TWIST RUBY INHERITED 90% OF JAIDES DNA

16. freebie! name a fact about your self insert you want everyone to know.

jaide stone almost adopted blake (b.w2) before i settled with ilynne being connected to blake. cant believe nero called him blake stone once 💥💥💥💥 WAHUSAHUHFHSHFHSA

#THANK UUU SMM #lara tag #~ loreposting #sycamore.fam #jaide (mangaverse).insert #steven stone.rom #gold.fam #ruby.fam #stone family tag #jaide stone is popular among the crowd im so happyiyieiee wiwiwiww #THIS IS SO LONG.... AAGHHHGF #MANNN THANKS A LOT

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rollingsins · 1 year

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Hi babes!

"Of course. Why wouldn't there be?" I'm still SO salty and embarrassed about there being two Ghostfaces and me not even thinking about that possibility. Ugh.

Well... Rs nonchalance is completely justified. Wes was Tara's friend. Richie was a stinky bag of shit. Sooo... he deserved death.

"She’s still in there when you arrive. " Lol I don't think Tara could have gone anywhere. Not even that little psycho pookie bear can break out of jail.

Awww I love how strong Tara is. Picking R up and kissing her like her life depends on it. BUT LEAVE SAM ALONE!! She did it FOR YOU. And it was Rs idea anyway. ...oop there it is. Question is, will the trouble R is in come out in the bedroom or... 👀

😂 poor Sam has to deal with these two horny fuckers. She deserves an award for that, honestly.

TARA SHUT THE FUCK UP! SAM DIDNT KNOW!! I swear I will fight Tara if she doesn't leave Sam alone. She feels guilty enough already and doesn't need her angry chihuahua sister to go off on her. I'm a full blown Sam stan now, so Tara better watch out!

Ha, Tara really is a puddle in Rs hand. "Tara, show some empathy. Yes honey baby love darling of course I will. Anything for you sweetie." That's basically their relationship.

I reread All Hers completely the last few weeks and I'm still convinced it's Judy. I can't sink any lower or lose any more of my dignity and pride because I let myself be fooled by Richie, so if it is nit Judy, I'm all good 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ooh, is Sam suspecting Tara now?? 👀

Tara. Sam lied to get your murderous ass out of jail for a crime you DID commit. So maybe let the small lie slide and focus on catching the other Ghostface 🙄

Sam is just so over these two idiots. I love it!

The PowerPoint!!!! Mindy, if you show me yours I'll show you mine. Mine is only 4 slides long but I'm sure it could be helpful.

Liv 🤦🏻‍♀️ How does that girl even survive? She has absolutely no clue what's going on, ever. I don't know if I should laugh at what she's saying or shake my head.

MINDY!!! NO. SHUT UP. Say it with me: 👏 SAM 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 GHOSTFACE 👏

Oh boy. If Wes wasn't dead already, Tara would immediately go hunt him down. ...damn. possessive, rage filled Tara is SO hot. Toxicity aside, she's just so incredibly sexy and dominant.

😂 not Tara kicking everyone out so bluntly to soend some time with R alone. Probably sex. I love that girl so much, I swear

Wow. The Rage in action really can be quite scary. But also still hot. I would like more of that... Sue me, okay.

Tara would win gold in many things. Sex, murdering people, being a rage filled chihuahua, tearing down Liv...

"Micro strap and carrot cock" I gasped and laughed at the same time. I have no clue how you can come up with these amazing one liners and insults 😂

Nooo poor Sam 😭 She really deserves a nice long quiet spa vacation when all of this is over. Having to deal with these two horn dogs must be so aggravating.

...I volunteer as tribute to help Sam relax and make sure she gets some!

Ghostface can wait. But I can't to figure out who it is! Judy. It must be her. Wes is dead. Liv is way too goofy and dumb. Chad is way too nice and sweet. Mindy is too small and not crazy enough. Sam is Bae. Who is left? JUDY HICKS.

That was fantastic as always!

Hey boo! You’ve got your detective hat on, guess you’ll just have to wait and see 😉

You and Mindy for sure need to swap PowerPoints 😂😭

Gold star for Sam today for dealing with so much damn bullshit

#ask #ghostface!tara #spoilers #all hers

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nobodys-muffin · 6 months

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ok so ik that having siblings has its ups and downs but honestly what seems to bother me most is that you are STUPID and try to act like you're cool or smart or as if I'm the dumb one.

I got this conclusion at last because I'm snapping at my little brother and I'm trying to hard to honestly understand his perspective but he doesn't seem to even try to do that for me and as someone that is also a younger sibling towards my older siblings it's frustrating.

These last few days haven't really been the best since I lost my new headphones which frustrates me because I always end up losing my stuff and honestly it's not my fault I have always have had bad memory and they end up giving me comments I cannot even express because if I do I'd be in trouble, but anyways back to the point lol.... yesterday me and my little brother were playing games like guess what animal I am or person I am at my aunt's home and he did me then I was like ok bet so I did and the end it was 3 him 2 me and then I decided to stop bc what's the point of arguing let's have fun to then today we had church and I had a seat at the corner which I love but my family hates bc they think that makes me less involved to church lol I think it's absurd but I see why they think that way, and so I left for a moment to the restroom and had a small talk with myself to the mirror lol and when I went back I found my little brother sitting on the seat I was on and I know it shouldn't be a bit deal but he saw me sitting there and still decided to sit there even when I came back he could've been like oh sorry and moved to the other seat but no he was like what? you left 🙄 and my sister was like what? it's true.. and so that bothered me a whole lot because you don't just go on around taking somebody else's seat just bc they left you would've told them oh excuse me I'm sitting there or that's my seat or something right?

Not just that I kept giving him the cold shoulder but at the end of the day I decided it shouldn't really bother me he's a kid and I'm not so I tried not to even though they were acting like I was being extra and weird like omg is she angry why idk she's about to get her period probably like B**** no TF I'm not I had it 2 weeks ago it ain't coming till 2 more weeks or so like why does a period always have to be the reason of me being emotional like tf!?!?

When we came back home it was time to sleep I tried expressing myself to my little brother and then again he always tries to make me feel dumb and less. Like is that the only word you know like why don't you say the a word the s word or the f word

Like oh shit my bad but I'm not tryna hurt your feelings bc if I did you would never forget what i said but I hold back my younger for the sake of how much I don't want to hurt you but it bothers me how you try to be a smartass with me when you know I'm right and the fact that you want to be right when you're wrong and it's obvious you are like just shut up.

At the end I didn't want to argue anymore its bed time so why even go to sleep mad so I said out loud you should go and brush your teeth idk why you're still here petting my dog and he was like ok ok ok interrupting me and he said I'll leave you and your phone then yeah you and your phone continuously interrupting me tryna get me in trouble bc he knows we're not allowed to use the phones after 8.

#siblings #sibling problems #sad thoughts #frustración #i wanna leave #Silence to my thoughts

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wanderrlust0 · 8 months

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today was fun and we had more fun than we thought we would at this party since we werent even sure if we would go or not

edit: 11.16 / i just knew the two coworkers and my managers at the party and then just stuck with snow the whole time ofc. we got deadlifted by the girls girlfriends sister lol and she was in a whole leather/latex one piece like okayy girl youre strong. there was someone as ice king or technically simon and they were very friendly and fun. we took lemon drop shots and jello shots and i had some mixed drinks and i was sooo reddd lolol luckily it was dark but in the bathroom it was so noticeable. idk if it was but it couldve been the most ive had to drink ever or at least the most different types of alcohol ive had at once and my head started to hurt at the end but thankfully i didnt throw up!! we had a fun time tho. we got there at like 9:30ish and left around 12 or so? and sat in the car for a bit but snow got along just fine with everyone after a little while of being there and them and V talked a lot. Z asked us if we were together and were like lolol noo and he asked how we met and we mutually refused to answer & made up some nonsense so i told him to just guess even tho he would have no clue bc he doesnt know me like that and this is the most he’s heard me talk lmao. one guess was a one night hook up im like …nooo lol we never thought this would ever come up. anyways, i found out days after the party that my coworker who thru it thought me and snow were together bc she mentioned us to my boss and he knows the whole story so he told her that we werent (idk what else he told her tho since i wasnt there) but she apparently thought we gave those vibes and just looked like it and when he told me that i was like omg .. like even ice king/simon person asked us and we just mettt. i mean they were pretty gay and first asked us if we were queer bc he could tell and that was the first time someone told me that to my face so i kind of felt good?about that. like yess i wanna look queer and just not straight lolll. so i followed my coworker on ig and i see pics of her gf and i know her!! her and my bf were friends once and like were closeclose where they did stuff (this was like 5 or 6yrs ago, before i met him) and she ended up realizing she was gay or something after him and they stopped talking (mainly bc she apparently would trauma dump on him a lot). i only know about her bc years later she hit him up out of nowhere and apologized for always talking to him about her problems and that she realized she was gay and then asked if theyd wanna get lunch or something so he told me. when i saw pics of her i recognized her from tinder when i had it. they never ended up hanging out bc he thought itd be weird now that hes with me and i would feel a bit weird about it. anyways, so i literally saw her and spoke to her at the party but i didnt notice that was her bc the room was dark and it was brief. looking back now thats crazy it was her and that we both know the same person that im now dating but she doesnt know that lol and neither does he bc i justtt came to this realization. the ice king person is now her like bestie who she met on tinder. its crazy when peoples connections come to light like someone you know knows someone else you know and they have their whole history and i have mine and then you can be in the same room as them and like only one person knows the other and etc lol idk its mind boggling

#sorry im just spamming #halloween #mypost #journal

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halfdeadfullgay · 1 year

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Pepperoni Punks - Chapter 4

When you're talked into confessing your obvious crush(1/2)

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AN// This is the first part of a "holiday" special. The slow burn stops next chapter because I underestimated my ability to write a slow burn lol. Sorry if this is a short chapter, it was supposed to be longer and posted earlier but I had midterms and wanted to die.——————————————————————————Summary - Donnie and Mikey are annoyed with how long they have had to put up with Casey's and Raph's painfully obvious crushes on each. So, they come up with a plan to talk to each of them and have them each plan to ask the other out.

“Cya later, dudes!” Casey said as they left. They had left around noon, needing to pick up their sister. They had already said bye to Raph who was still in his room. Raphael came out a bit later to get something to eat. Luckily, there was not going to be any training today. Mikey was in there too, playing with Ice Cream Kitty in a cooler. “Hey Mikey!” Raph looked at the other. Mikey quickly turned to look at him with Ice Cream Kitty turning to look as well. “You good, dude?” Mikey asked. “Obviously. I need someone to talk and no one else is available.” Raphael told his brother. It was an obvious lie to excuse the whole conversation about feelings that would happen. “Well, spill it dude.” Mikey said as he sat Ice Cream Kitty on the counter. Raph took a minute, trying to figure out how to word it. “Well last night Casey slept in my room with me sharing the bed.”

“And? What happened, did you confess your painfully obvious crush?” Mikey teased. “No, Mikey! I mean techally I did, I guess.” Ice Cream Kitty meowed in curiosity, seeming to try to participate in the conversation. “They said good night then fell asleep on me and then I said good night and that I loved them. They didn’t hear me say it because they were asleep.” Mikey rolled his eyes, “Man, you messed your chance. You should’ve said it before.” Raph groaned in frustration, “Leo said that as well. He also suggested that I should do something nice or something they like with them and then confess.”

“1. That’s good advice but 2. you really went to Leo before me?!” Mikey acted offended. “I didn’t ask Leo, he was fucking eavesdropping!” He sighed and took a breath. “What should I do? I know that they would like to play some street hockey and obviously smoke and get pizza but what if that’s not what they want before a confession or-“ Raphael didn’t like this feeling. He didn’t like this type of anxiety. He especially didn’t like his siblings seeing him this anxious. “What if I mess things up? What if-“

Mikey cut Raph off, “Hey, everything will be fine. I’ll help you come up with a game plan.” Raph nodded a thank you. Donnie appeared out of nowhere, “I’m heading out, Casey and I are going to the junk yard. I’ll be back with pizza. I’d be telling Leo this but he is in her Space Heros trance.” Mikey told him to just go, that he didn’t need anyone’s permission. “I thought that Casey had to pick up their sister.” Raph said. “Casey just texted that she is staying with her friend for another night and that they will be staying over tonight if we don’t have any plans for tomorrow.” Donnie explained quickly before leaving.

“Guess we have to plan something now.”

“Alright, Camel Face. What parts are you looking for specifically?” Casey asked as they lead the way to the part of the junkyard without cameras. “No need for insults, Cave Mouth. Anyways, I’m look for lights and some rims.” Donnie told them. He and Casey didn’t fight anymore unless sparing, they had actually found common ground when Donnie was working on the shell raiser. Casey just nodded, making a mental note. They were less talkative than they usually were when the two of them did supply runs. Donnie would’ve chalked it up as a connection of their behavior from the past few months but he could tell that something was actively bothering them. “Are you okay, Casey?” He asked, going to walk next to them. “Yes? I honestly don’t know.” They said, continuing to walk. They were thinking about last night, they thought about how they opened up to Raphael, how they thought they heard him say something before falling asleep and then how he helped them after a nightmare.

They weren’t oblivious to their own feelings about their best friend, the others weren’t either except for Raph. Donnie observed how Casey was acting and took some mental notes. “There is a high possibility that I will regret it but do you want to talk about it?” Casey was surprised that he was willing to let them talk about feelings. “Yeah. I slept in Raph’s room and we shared the bed. I opened up to him and shared a whole lot of shit that I haven’t told anyone else. I fell asleep in his arms twice, man.” Casey started talking. They held open a piece of the broken fence for Donnie. “And? From the tone of your voice, I can not tell if it’s bad or good.” He went through the fence, waiting for them on the other side. He did a check of his surroundings, making sure that no other humans were there. The junkyard didn’t have too many cameras or employees for that matter. So sneaking around wouldn’t be too difficult.

Casey followed, their hoodie getting ripped a bit. “It’s a good thing, I guess. But it gets worse.” Donnie went to a pale of axles and wheels. “Worse?” He questioned. “What do you mean worse?” He started analyzing all the parts, trying to find the best ones. “Well, he comforted me after a nightmare. It was just unexpected. And..” Casey paused for a moment, “I think that he said that he loved me. I don’t actually know if he did but I heard him say something like that before falling asleep.” Donnie looked up at them, putting down the parts in his hands. “Are you sure? You could’ve just been sleep deprived.” Casey shook their head. “No. I know that I heard the word love.” They tried to take their mind off of it. They went to look at a pile of alternator. “But I know that one of you usually drop in to say good night. Besides I’m his best friend and not many relationships like that last. Besides, I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t even like me lik-“

“Oh dear gods! Casey just shush!” Donnie groaned. Casey looked at him. “It is so obvious to see that you two like each other. More so that he likes you! When you ‘disappeared’ for the last few months, he couldn’t stop talking about you and how worried he was about you.” He was annoyed at how long this had been going on. “Just tell him. Also, Mikey and I may have been planning to set you guys up.”

Donnie looked at Casey to see their reaction. “What?! What have you guys planned!?” They reacted just like he expected. “We didn’t plan anything. We just agreed to talk both of you into confessing and having a nice ‘not date’.”

Casey just rolled their eyes. “What are the suggestions for the ‘not date’?”

#casey x raph #rasey #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2012 casey jones #tmnt 2012 raph #ao3fic #tmnt fanfiction

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yearningandpatheticaboutit · 2 years

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SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 8: SHOULD HAVE JUST BEEN HONEST

warnings: violence, gun violence, blood, death, gore

wordcount: 6263

prev chapter

A/N: i started putting the next chapter at the end for convenience also this chapter is so messy the reason for the random perfect grammar and random parts with no grammar is because i got tired lol. thats all im sorry enjoy the chapter

***

San

"I really can't believe you brought a damn gun," I groan in the back as Woo drives unnecessarily fast. "And can you slow down? You want to get pulled over with an illegal shotgun in the back?"

He out a reckless laugh. "Unwind, Sannie. You know those fuckers are gonna have all sorts of excuses. Plus, Miss A needs to know we're doing our best. You know we can't have her losing faith in us."

I sigh and fall back into my seat. "Yeah you're right."

It's a fourty minute drive to Cita county, wherever this place is. My stomach is a little scrambled because of the mess we're about to make. One would think just because I did this often, that I'd get used to the feeling of sickening adrenaline. But I just couldn't.

The thought that something will go wrong drives me up the walls at every single moment. A man I've gotten used to seeing since I started high school is about to get cut up and devoured by the very gang that made him.

Its kept me up, I know its Yunho's own fault, but then I think of how badly I want to escape this. I think of how easily it could be me. That thought is exactly why I have to keep Yaera away.

It's exactly why I can't trust her to even be around this situation today. If anyone finds out about her, it will be a mess I won't be able to clean up.

I need to reply to her message. I have a gut feeling its passive aggressive and I don't know what to do about that.

I texted her all weekend when I should have focused on my test. But I ignored it, her sobbing on Saturday replaying in my head. And now I find out her parents have basically exploited her dead sister and is doing the same to her.

It makes me sick to my stomach. Fucked up parents who leave their kids vulnerable and broken before they even face the real world. No matter how unfair, you have to live what they did to you, when they were meant to protect you.

I guess we have that in common.

I decide to muster up a reply. Something must be wrong with me.

Me: What are your plans for tonight?

She's online. Her reply is almost instantaneous.

Y: I'm going to make a lot of money ;)

I narrow my eyes at her message. I wasn't aware she'd gotten a job. What am I thinking? Where would Yaera actually get a job? She probably plans to steal something.

Me: Don't get into any trouble.

I don't know what I'm doing by sending that message. I sound like her father and I know she probably won't listen anyway.

Y: You know I can't promise that. Anyway, shouldn't you be paying attention to your cousin?

"What are you smiling at on your phone there?" Woo asks me suddenly, making me lift my head. His eyes are teasing in the rearview mirror. "Your little girlfriend?"

I roll my eyes. "Why don't you focus on the road, asshole?"

"It is her!" Woo obnoxiously cooes. I swear I need to get him a girlfriend so he can stop worrying about what I do. "What did she do? Did she send you a cute message?"

Yeah, she's planning to commit theft. The usual.

"She just told me to enjoy my night," I say just to get him off my back.

"How romantic. So when are you letting me meet her formally?"

I scoff. "Never."

Woo's offended and a dramatic gasp pulls out of him as he nearly turns his whole body in the driver's seat. "How can you say that? You really hurt my feelings just now."

I kick his seat in the back, making him yelp. "Pay attention to the road!" I yell. "And no, I'm not letting anyone meet her. You're the one who told me to keep her away from this."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean from me!" Woo complains. "I'll pretend to be your cousin. She probably won't be able to tell anyway."

"No, Wooyoung."

"I just wanna see her personality!" Woo whines more. "I wanna see if she's right for you, you know?"

To think if this scenario was true, Woo would still be this nosy. I almost laugh at his desperate tone, shaking my head.

"So you know what's good for me now? Especially women-wise?"

"Of course. I need to make sure she knows your needs and how much of a crybaby you really are so she can let you sleep on her boobs."

My face heats up dramatically and I kick Woo's seat out of embarrassment. His annoying hyena laugh blasts through the air and I lean back into my seat. I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.

The rest of the ride is same old. Wooyoung blasts 1980s Cantonese pop, to "fit the mood" because he thinks we're in some Hong Kong crime show.

But as soon as the sun starts setting and the lights on the road begin to blur, its like a switch has been flipped.

Woo makes rough turns and parks in a shady neighborhood. We're feet away from a club with a neon lit sign flashing the words, "Nevada Dynamite". We sit in the car a few minutes, simply breathing. A car passes by and stops down the street as Woo slowly turns George Lam down.

"Are you ready for this?" Woo mutters. I nod without a word.

I pick up his shotgun and hand it to him while grabbing my crowbar. I pull my mask over my face and tighten my beanie as we get out and Woo locks the van.

Yunho's establishments don't really have an age restriction, maybe it's because he has a thing for minors. But either way, it isnt easy for us to make it past the door, especially when the bouncer immediately glares at us when we near.

"and who the fuck are you people?" he snaps. Woo walks ahead of me and flashes an overly cheerful smile, knowing he's about to ruin this guy's whole night.

"we got a message from Miss A. you sure you wanna send us away?" wooyoung says with a smirk. The bouncer's eyes widen in fear.

he doesn't get a chance to speak. wooyoung lifts the head of his shotgun and knocks it across the bouncer's face, throwing him to the side. he isnt knocked out yet, so woo slams the gun over his cranium for good measure.

i shake my head. this kid has way too much fun doing this. we barge inside the club, the neon lights and shitty techno music overwhelming. its pretty full, and i nudge wooyoung in the ribs when we get to the open floor.

he has the gun hidden underneath his jacket, but if it goes off at all we're fucked. "we need to talk to the VIP bouncer," i tell him and we look around suspiciously. "dont shoot while we're inside. if the cops show, we're fucked."

"i know, im not a moron." woo rolls his eyes at me but i have to make sure. he's trigger happy when left unchecked.

i look around worriedly. despite the intoxicating atmosphere i know this place is probably crawling with black dragons. if yunho is scared for his life the way he should be, he'd have this place fully invested.

a woman comes up to us in a tight red dress, a flower in her afro as she smiles. "evening boys, haven't seen you around here before. are you new in town?"

"not interested," i say, but woo nudges me in the ribs. the woman laughs, slightly offended.

"oh no, im just the hostess. my name is leana. can i get you boys anything? karaoke?" she offers with an unreal sparkle in her eyes.

"how can we get to the vip area?" woo asks.

leana's smile shrinks slightly. "oh no. thats restricted for the owner. but i can show you our other premium suites if you'd like a more private party."

yunho is definetely under this roof. fucking coward. i pull a small knife from my pocket and yank leana close to me so that her stomach rests against the tip of it.

she yelps, freezing on the spot. i sway her a little so it looks like we're dancing. i force a smile as she looks up at me in fear.

"why dont you lead us to the VIP room?" i say. "be a good host, yeah?"

"o-okay." her voice shivers as she turns around to walk. woo and i manage to stay close to her, with woo's hand on her shoulder as she guides us to away from the flashing neon lights and into darker fluorescents.

"please," she begs as we walk down a dim hallway. "i have nothing to do with any of this. i-i'm really just a nobody."

"arent we all, lady," woo mutters, not caring for the lady's obvious fear. we stop infront of a door and i push her aside, and she immediately runs down the hall as to not be seen.

wooyoung and i share one look before we both slam our feet into the door, throwing it open with a violent swing.

and of fucking course, yunho is there at a table with a shit ton of other gangsters. his eyes widen when he sees us and he jumps up from his seat.

"what the fuck is this?" he growls and looks at another guy. "mingi, your boys couldn't fucking keep anyone out?"

"no more running, asshole," wooyoung spits. "we're taking you home."

yunho shakes his head with a dirty laugh as men start to swarm us. i pull my crowbar from under my hoodie and glare. "not a fucking chance, kid. the next time you hear from me, i'll be on top of the drug empire in hong kong with zero fucks to give."

yunho gets up again but there's no way im letting him leave. i swing my crowbar against the head of a black dragon and shove its point into the stomach of another. soon the room is in all out carnage when they start pulling knives, and everything goes to utter shit.

i feel cuts slashing across my ribs as im forced against walls and surfaces, fighting for my life. wooyoung is using his shotgun like a sword, knocking everyone the fuck out. yunho runs out of the room when theres an opening, while a man just sits put at the table and watches everything unfold.

i punch one of the gangsters and grab his knife, stabbing it into his thigh. he howls like a little bitch, and i strike him across the face with my bar, knocking him straight into the table. the man stays at the table, smoking a cigar in a trenchcoat as if hes bored with everything.

theres money all over the table. bills upon bills. they mustve been gambling, or making a deal. i wave my crowbar toward the guy sitting as wooyoung beats the shit out of three guys in a corner.

"your boss is bold, sending you into black dragon territory," he drawls, blowing out a puff. "you must want an all out war, huh?"

"we want yunho," i heave, my shoulders rising and falling harshly.

"then you better go get him," mingi smirks. "you dont want him to reach hong kong, do you?"

"go!" wooyoung shouts at me, nodding to the door. "i'll take care of that bastard. you go get yunho!"

he wouldnt run now. i know this because hes most protected here. as soon as i make it out onto the open dance floor, seven guys show up to jump me. goddamn it.

one runs at me at full speed, raising his fist like its a rocket launcher. i move out of the way and grab his neck, slamming his head into the bar counter. people start screaming and running. everything is chaos.

i jump onto the bar and throw out my heel, catching two guys in the face. my breath is fast, it feels like im moving at lightning speed. i slide down and grab a bottle, smashing it over another guys head as he rams me into the bar. he grabs my head and tries to choke me, but i shove the broken end of the bottle into his cheek.

he screams and its a bloody mess. a punch reaches me from the side. it feels like im fighting with eight limbs, all the taekwondo and krav maga i was forced through during eighth grade completely saving my ass.

when theyre down, i scan the whole place. people stormed out of the club in fear. its empty. i run for the bathrooms to check it out. he couldnt have run, he has nowhere to go.

a couple starts rushingly gets dressed and runs out when i enter the mens bathroom, complete silence following after. thats when i hear heavy breathing. its like hes trying to calm himself but its not working. fucking idiot.

i kick open the middle stall door and it hits yunho in the face. he whines out and tries to throw a punch, but i roll my arm around his neck and hold him in a downward lock.

"let go of me dickhead!" he screams, his voice tightening as i fasten my grip. "ple- fucking come on, san. dont do this. dont do this to me please."

im trying to choke him out. but the fucker is holding on for dear life.

"pleasse!" he wheezes, sounding like hes on the verge of crying. "please, shes gonna kill me. are you really gonna let her kill me? after everything shes fucking done to you? think of your dad– think of–"

BOOM!!!

i loosen my grip as a shot goes off. yunho tries to wriggle out of my grip, i quickly apply more pressure. what the fuck was that. wooyoung better not have killed someone.

oh god. if wooyoung killed a member of the black dragons we are screwed. we're dead.

yunho passes out between my arms. i drop him and quickly run out when i see someone in a hoodie, standing in the middle of the club. hes staring right at me, in an awkward stance like he doesnt know whats going on.

"get lost," i spit at him. he doesnt move. another gangster?

"didnt you fucking hear me?" i hiss.

"ohshit oh shit oh shit!!" woo comes running out, holding his shotgun and mounds of cash on his other arm. "we need to get the fuck out of here."

i cant even register what i want to say when i hear footsteps and the door push open. that guy speeds out like his life depends on it. fuck no.

"yunho's in the bathroom!" i yell to woo right before i break into a run after the gangster.

he has to be another black dragon ready to call for back up. when i get outside the club, hes already halfway down the road. i sprint after him like the devil himself is on my tail.

***

"you need to give me an extra hundred, doll. you didn't say it was this far out," the Taxi driver tells me when we stop outside the shady club. "You didn't even tell me it was a whole different county. Gas prices are high, you know."

i scowl and hand him another hundred. "Hey, do you think you can stay here for a few minutes. I'm just trying to find someone."

The taxi driver's eyes shine in amusement in the rearview. "Trying to catch a boyfriend cheating?"

i snort and look up at the light up neon sign. "Something like that."

it was a whole hour drive. A whole different neighborhood, district, nearly a whole city. The black van San got into is currently parked infront of a shady looking club.

I know San lied but wow, he really covered everything up in a few mundane sentences. I won't be able to describe how betrayed I feel till I find out what he's hiding from me.

"Five minutes max," the taxi driver says. "After that you're on your own."

"Thank you, mister," I nod and get out, running to the entrance of the bar.

BOOM!!!

the sound is loud and comes straight from the club. i try to lie to myself and deem it a firework, having grown up in a sheltered neighbourhood, but when i look at the taxi driver, his fear is so imminent that i know it simply isnt true.

"hell no! im outta' here!" the bastard hits the gas and speeds off, leaving me stranded. i watch dumbly as he rounds the bend of the street, abandoning my view.

well, yaera, it looks like youre on your own.

i check for security when i turn to the club but the whole place looks abandoned out front. its only when i creep closer do i see a man sprawled out at the door, completely passed out. at least i think hes passed out. respectfully, i dont care if hes alive or not. it just makes me want to find san.

i go inside, and the silence is quickly shattered by the loud grunts of men and splinters of chaos. glass shattering, things breaking. when i finally get onto the dancefloor, all i see are bodies across the floor looking like human wrecks.

did...did san do this? i know he can fight but this? is he fucking bruce lee incarnate?

im bewildered to my bones. a door bursts open on the side and i see san right there. and i have no words. im frozen on the spot as we stare at each other in disbelief.

he looks fucked up. so fucked up. hes bleeding but i dont even think he realizes it. he looks ten times worse compared to the last time i saw him fight. and theres a look in his eye ive never seen before. he looks like he wants to kill me.

oh. oh fuck hes staring right at me.

"get lost," he orders in a low voice, his body taking a fighting stance. he has no idea its me.

"didnt you fucking hear me?" he says even more harshly.

limbs. nows the time to wake the fuck up and carry me out of here.

"ohshitohshit–" i hear another voice panic, a guy coming from another door in the club. he has his arms full of money and a gun in his hand.

a shotgun. thats all i need to see for my legs to finally jumpstart and get me the hell out of there.

***

San

i barely have time to think of how jung wooyoung, my childhood friend and faux cousin just left the both of us unbelievably fucked. all because im chasing black dragon backup. and fuck is he fast.

"Hey!" i yell, running after them. wooyoung follows behind me, and my nerves and face are unbelievably hot from how pissed I am at him.

"should i shoot him?" woo asks as we chase after the guy, and i wish i could swat him like a fly.

"do not fucking shoot anything anymore!"

the man curves into an alleyway, short and scrawny and so annoyingly fast. i feel like a cat chasing a mouse, im also trying to catch my breath because cardio is so damn terrible.

when we get to the alley, the man is hoisting himself over a fence. he sees us, staring at us with a mask and hoodie on so we don't catch his face. really convenient.

i keep pursuing, because the best I can do is knock this guy out till he can't remember a damn thing. or i can toss him into a bin so his members dont find him.

i try my best to climb over the fence with woo, but the person is already halfway over another one. woo is faster than me, jumping over and dashing toward the black dragon. he climbs and jumps, grabbing the asshole at the end of his hoodie and giving one hard tug.

he falls from the top of the fence and hits the cold concrete below. but instead of being unconscious with broken ankles, he scrambles to his feet like a rodent. he tries running past me, but I block him and yank him by the sleeves, throwing him into the brick wall.

once he hits it, I stomp my heel into his chest. he lets out a pathetic yelp, sinking down to the floor.

"you saw something you shouldn't have," I say, breathing hard. "now you should forget."

i can't kill him, so a terrible beating will have to do. woo and I already have to leave the area before anyone catches up with us.

"damn, Sannie, you gave him one hard ass kick," Woo chuckles. I glare at him and his smile quickly falls away.

"I haven't forgiven you yet. Shut up and take his hood off."

woo sighs and rips the guy's hood off, and I swear my breath hits a wall.

my ears feel like they're about to combust because of the rage pooling into them.

"what the fuck?" woo yells, pointing accusingly. "isn't that your girlfriend?"

yaera wheezes in pain, looking up to us shamefully. she's clutching her chest and tears are spilling down her eyes, and the sight of her red face somehow makes this already shit night a hundred times worst.

"woo, help me fucking carry her."

***

helping yaera in the van while she's out of breath and unable to speak is good, because it distracts me from the absolute bullshit I know she's going to spout once she can speak.

woo throws yunho in the back, tying ropeties around his wrists and ankles. yaera watches the scene as takes in puffs from her asthma pump and i cant believe it. im actually surrounded by idiots who never listen to me.

she fucking followed me. i don't even know how she found out, or how she found me, but she did. she actually did. and on top of that she has asthma. who the fuck smokes cigarettes while having asthma?

i strap her into the seat next to me, and she's borderline crying from how hard i kicked her. i feel bad, but im so fucking angry. i wouldn't have hurt her if she wasn't here in the first place.

woo gives me a weird look when he gets in the drivers. "what the hell man..." he whispers, staring at yaera like she's subhuman. "you've got a shit ton to explain."

"don't you fucking start," i snap at him, not in the mood. everything was ruined at once so i might as well go off now that i can. "what about you? what the Hell were you thinking shooting at a black dragon, woo!?!"

"look, that mingi guy attacked me. he was beating the shit out of me and i did what i had to. plus i didnt kill him!" woo defends, having the nerve to mutter under his breath, "even though i fucking should have."

"and this?" i gesture to the cash in the van. "was robbing him necessary?"

woo sighs exasperatedly as he grips the wheel and starts the car. "look, i just thought if i took a little extra you wont be so broke at the end when Miss A eventually takes her share of the money–"

i can't believe this kid. "you did this for me?" I scream. "you aggravated our rivals after shooting them so i can have some extra cash? goddamn it, woo!"

woo's eyes are desperate in the rearview. its like hes realizing the magnitude of what hes done. like hes trying to convince himself mentally that it was worth it.

"but this is worth more. I-It'll pay off your debt so you'll be able to buy something f-for yourself for once!"

i open my mouth to yell again but I'm interrupted. "Y-You're in debt?" Yaera dares to ask in a breathless voice.

i glare at her furiously. "Oh, you don't even get to ask questions. What the fuck are you doing here? Why did you follow me!"

She flinches at my loud voice but I don't care. Instead she has the nerve to glare back, sobby eyes and all. "You lied to me, you asshole. so this is the 'thing' with your cousin?"

"so you follow me? are you fucking crazy or something?"

"you just shot someone and you want to call me crazy?" she raises her voice. "what about you? If I'm fucking crazy then what are you?"

I grit my teeth in rage. "you had no right to follow me."

"oh but i have every right. You're my partner and you're doing shit behind my back."

"do you know how much harder you've made shit for me?" i snap. "if you had just fucking trusted me i wouldnt be in this mess right now!"

she scoffs. "how can I trust you when you lie to my face about everything! you asked me to be honest and i was, and then you lie to me right after? what the fuck do you take me for, san?"

i lean back into my seat and let out a frustrated groan, rubbing my temples. i can't take this. im not used to this, i hate having to explain everything I do and reporting to someone like a fucking understudy.

"this was a mistake," I realize. "this partnership. it was a fucking mistake."

yaera shakes her head at me, her chest rising and falling rhymically, somehow angry as well. "this wasn't a mistake. dont you dare blame your dishonesty on me," she grits through her teeth. "if you stopped lying and just told me what i need to goddamn know, i would have understood i need to hang back."

"okay fine!" i heatedly admit. "i wasn't going to bring you here. you know why?"

her dark eyes light up daringly, as if she's hoping I'll say something mean or insulting.

"because I don't trust you." I sneer.

i want to tell her i dont want her to be exposed to these awful people and this hellish environment. i dont want her to die or get hurt. but i dont say that. it rests on my tongue, dying to come out but i know how she'll react.

the fact that she refuses to be kept safe makes me even angrier.

"really? I would never have guessed."

"i seriously don't fucking trust you. you're reckless and it's like you don't care about your life at all. there were gang members in there. Actual gangmembers and after what happened last time, i wasn't going to have you mess anytvhing up for me."

she shakes her head in disbelief and curses in Italian. it's a long one and I know she's insulting me.

"wow! you're fucking doing this again after you said you wouldn't! you really can't keep your word, can you?"

her voice is dry and unimpressed and its clear we're both in the same page where we just dont trust each other at all.

"saying is one thing, but can i really leave your life in your own hands?" I laugh mockingly at her. "you can't even take care of yourself. the fact that you followed me here, an hour away from where we live just to fucking see what I'm doing says enough."

"Really?" She clenches her jaw. "Do you have any idea what this looks like to me?"

"i don't. enlighten me."

she leans forward, the long strands from her hair falling loose on the sides of her face. " it just looks like you played me."

"what?" i scoff because where is she going with this?

"to me, the person you're never honest with. it looks like i gave you all my savings, in exchange for a partnership that's one sided. i gave you that money to work with you and instead of fucking holding your end up, you do your own thing, you lie to me, make your own plans, go off on your own and never tell the truth. is that a good fucking partner? Doesn't that sound like a goddamn scam to you? Because it fucking feels that way to me!"

her words render me silent, and i realize i havent even thought about it like that before. im glad we're driving at night, because my cheeks are flaming hot from embarrassment.

"do you think that's fair?" she asks me again, defeatedly. "i did my part. i did all you asked of me. but you don't do the same."

"what the fuck is going on, San?"

woo's concerned voice from the front reminds me that he's in fact in our presence. I groan and clutch my head, oh god wooyoung has been here the entire time.

im going to have to be honest now. all the things im afraid of are happening to me. i wanted to keep yaera away from the gang while getting her what she wanted, and already one person is aware of her existence.

this just keeps getting worse.

"we're not dating," i say weakly. "we're partners. she's helping me with the gang stuff."

"what the fuck, dude!" woo exclaims. "since when?"

"recently," i mutter.

he sounds like he's about to break the steering wheel. wooyoung starts stuttering aggressively before finding his voice again.

"And Miss A??? Does she know about this?"

"Of course not, woo. and I'm not going to tell her."

"B-But if she finds out. She'll..."

i eye him sharply in the mirror. "that's why no one's going to tell her. she's my girlfriend, that's all there is to it."

woo sighs heavily. "what the fuck man... and here I thought you were finally getting laid. why are you letting her do this shit? what possessed you?"

if i tell wooyoung now, while yaera is in the car, he'll say some shit and scare her into oblivion. i think we have enough problems at hand.

"whats going to happen to san if people find out about me?" yaera asks woo. an uncomfortable silence follows before wooyoung answers.

"you see that guy in the back? that will be san. and you? well, it depends on who gets to you first, our gang, or the black dragons."

yaera frowns. she looks mildly uncomfortable, but not as afraid as she should be. shes not running for the hills when she absolutely should.

"that...wont happen," i try to convince myself. "just–just dont do this ever again, please."

"we need to talk san," yaera and woo say at the same time, both in demanding fashions. my mind hurts just thinking of having to deal with both.

"this whole thing is causing me to detour. we're gonna have to take her home first before we can take care of yunho," woo says.

"im staying at san's," yaera says, eyeing me sharply. "im not going home until we've talked."

***

the rest of the ride home is agonisingly silent. yaera has fallen asleep, her head against the tinted windows as soft breaths fall from her lips. she looks so serene sleeping. and yet my brain has been terrorising me by envisioning her as dead.

right next to me.

i try to keep my mind off it and watch yunho instead. he randomly wakes up on the way home and i punch him again, where he sinks right back into unconsciousness.

its a dreadful feeling carrying yaera up to my apartment with wooyoung being so quiet. the most talkative guy i know is dead silent.

maybe hes preparing for whats going to happen tonight. we've heard tons of stories of people joining the 105ths, finding out they were policemen and then having them fall off the face of the earth. traitors are far and few because of Miss A. people are too fucking scared to betray her.

i put yaera down into my bed and just as i close her with my blanket, her eyes flutter awake. shes disorientated and sits up on her elbow.

"go to sleep," i urge her. she shakes her head at me and i sigh.

"not until we talk."

"we've been gone long enough, lets go," woo says and pulls my arm, staring at yaera and i in a tense way that has his jaw clenched. hes angry at me, and fuck he should be.

it didnt take long for everything to go to shit.

"she texted me the address," wooyoung tells me in the van as we drive. "a warehouse at the docks. thats where theyre doing it."

i stay silent and mentally prepare. emotionally i know ive already been ripped apart by everythign ive seen.

"please be honest with me, man," woo says and frowns at me. "i just wanna know what youre doing with that girl."

"she needs to skip the country, so shes helping me make money and im giving her a share of it."

"and she knows youre in the 105ths?"

i nod and woo's grip on the wheel tightens. here we go.

"does she know about the debt? your dad? miss A?"

"no," i lifelessly answer. "i havent told her any of that. she just knows the easy stuff. im helping her till she can get away from her family, then we'll never see each other again."

"the san i know would never agree to shit like that," woo grumbles.

"i didnt. she has leverage."

"what?" woo shouts, piercing my eardrum. i wince. "shes fucking blackmailing you? that bitch! lets kill her. we can get rid of her, san. what does she have on you?"

this is exactly why i never mentioned anything infront of her.

"a video," i sigh. "she just caught me in the middle of a deal with that yeosang fucker. she filmed it. my face is clear in it and everything."

"lets fucking kill her."

"no." i say in a clipped tone. wooyoung is staring at me incredulously. "dont look at me like that. im telling you i dont wanna do anything. she wont snitch on me, i know that."

"shes literally blackmailing you."

"her family is fucked up," i shrugged. "i was angry about it but it passed.im going to help her and im not gonna make it the gangs problem. so can i trust you to keep this to yourself until everythings over?"

"whatever man," woo shakes his head disappointedly. "if youre sure about this, i cant say anything. but..."

"just trust me, woo. i know you cant trust her but trust me."

woo nods grudgingly, his discomfort worse than what it was before.

we pull up on the dark port and the warehouse is to our left. woo and i get out and carry yunho to the door, where higher ups take him from us.

he wakes up while they carry him and hes already screaming when hes put onto a chair in the middle of the place. the lights shine directly on him, casting out his ghostly, terrified face to the public.

"good work," one of miss A's deadly machines says. he steps out from the shadows like a ghost, his dark and unhinged eyes making me severely uncomfortable.

park seonghwa. aka the butcher. ive only heard of him from woo. hes the copkiller of the gang, the one who punishes all miss A's enemies. when he gets rid of people, he makes sure they stay gone.

and they wont ever be found. not in one piece at least.

from his twisted smile as he stares at the horrified yunho, its clear to see why hes dubbed 'the butcher' in the first place. he looks like he'd eat your heart out of your chest.

"you can go now," seonghwa tells us with a wave. "unless you wanna stay for the show."

he pulls out a long knife from the belt on his black pants, its blade shining sharply from the light sliding across it. yunho starts screaming louder.

"fuck no! you assholes cant do this to me! no! fuck you! ive worked for Miss A for years! you cant just–" his screams rapidly turned to sobs. "san, wooyoung, please. you cant let them do this. i made a mistake. i was being blackmailed–"

seonghwa gives no warning for what he does next. the blade disappears into the flesh of yunho's stomach, his mouth hanging open wide as inhumane chokes come from it.

i want to throw up.

woo and i watch in horror as seonghwa pulls the knife out of yunho roughly, cutting him up all over again. "its always you cowards who beg for your life the loudest," seonghwa chuckles mockingly. "its funny really."

he starts stabbing yunho rapidly, with blood now dripping from his mouth. i turn around because i cant stand looking at the sight anymore. i want to cry but i feel empty.

i cant believe this is my life.

"youre gonna tell miss A we did a good job, right?" woo asks pathetically, failing to hide the fear in his voice. yunhos screams have gone radiosilent.

"of course!" seonghwa says with a laugh. "go chase that promotion, kids! have a good night!"

i get out of there as fast as i can. and when im out the door, i empty my stomach on the concrete.

next chapter

#ateez angst #ateez imagines #choi san angst #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez scenarios #choi san #san angst #choi san fluff #gang au #ateez crime au

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