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hoardlikegoldenirises · 1 year

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I’ve edited my timeline a bit (a lot...) and the old version of this drawing just wasn’t really useful for me anymore because of certain changes etc. so i finally expanded it a LOT so i have a better idea of what flash’s hair should look like.

(while peter stays mostly the same XD he’s just not interested in experimenting with his hair i guess)

putting some individual bits (well, groups of 3-4) below the cut:

Flash in his late teens; his only form of hairstyling in high school was buzzcuts from his mom so i just wrote “high school” instead of an age lol... once he goes off to college he starts growing his hair out and by the time he loses his legs that’s about what it looks like (18ish), and then the one with the hello kitty shirt is about a year later, how he looks by the time he’s 19 and a half... then a few months later he buzzes it all off after some stuff happens that upsets him, that i won’t go into here but will be uploaded to the AO3 series as a fic later. short version is “he has a revelation about himself and gender that he’s really, really not ready to deal with and locks himself back in the closet” (not that he was really out of the closet but he was rolling around in 2006 wearing a hello kitty shirt and nail polish lol) so yeah he ends up depressed again, and drinking more (still not legally old enough to drink but he has his fake id and other ways of getting it, of course) and trying to be Outwardly Masculine like he was before :(

oh i’ll also note—since it’s not visible in these busts lol—flash has of course been using a wheelchair since he was 18 and a half, which is obviously because of the events in “these are not the clothes [...]” where doc ock crushes his legs... so aside from the teenage stuff, he’s in a rigid wheelchair throughout this entire au—i decided against him ever getting prosthetic legs because initially he is young enough that growth is still a partial factor, on top of prosthetic legs already being even more expensive than wheelchairs and already requiring multiple fittings in the early stages even for adults who are totally done growing, and then later they’re just like... poor... plus not being on his dad’s insurance after a certain age (esp. after being kicked out but i don’t think he was disowned)... even by the time he and peter get married and flash is on peter’s health insurance i doubt they’d be able to afford a pair of otk prosthetic legs on the salary of one full time teacher and one part time assistant gym teacher lol—that shit’s like tens of thousands PER leg... even with insurance i doubt they’d be able to throw together something like 20k-40k (or more) for prosthetic legs on top of being due to replace flash’s wheelchair... granted they do have rich friends (and my headcanon in 616 is that harry and/or liz are probably the ones who helped pay for flash’s mobility aids in the first place) but imo neither are the type to want to go asking for money, regardless of harry or liz’s willingness to give it to them... and being like, “hey can i have $40,000?” is a BIG ask lmao

ANYWAY Flash is still kind of in a rough place in his early 20s, but starts to get better and feel okay with the things that made him feel happy before, so his hair starts growing out again and he busts out the spidey choker but not the nail polish. am considering having andi be a character around this time (though obvs she’d be like... 10) but not sure about how i want to do that... or if i’ll ever write it XD def still having drinking problems as he gets actually legally old enough to drink but less depression = less drinking for him, to some extent... his beachy curls are just the cutest though

not pictured: flash converts to judaism in 2010 (along w/ his mother and sister)

(2011 necklace just a regular fine silver chain necklace peter got him for his birthday)

mid 20s flash is a lot happier and starts wearing nail polish again, as well as getting his associate’s degree and also starting the *other* AA (alcoholics anonymous) or a similar program happening kind of concurrently with some other stuff (Harry’s also been going through it which partially leads to flash realizing he wants to change some things in his life) and also just because he’s so busy with school and other stuff that it’s really just become a lot more impractical for him to drink as much, and with the support of aunt may and peter and his friends he’s getting a lot better about his drinking and also a lot more comfortable with himself and his sexuality and gender presentation now that he’s had time to think about it more and not be so afraid. turns out 7 years away from your abusive father helps a lot... also harrison specifically has had kind of poor health and while idk if flash is even in contact with him anymore, if he is then, that might contribute to flash being like, fuck i don’t want to be like that...

anyway he gets job as an assistant gym teacher at midtown around the same time peter gets a job there (though peter’s been teaching already for a few years while getting his masters, but he was teaching at a school near chelsea instead of in queens)... Flash puts his hair up at work but at home it’s like, :> girly time.

and peter proposes when they’re 26, cause he’s been thinking about how that stuff has been legal in nyc for a couple years (since 2011) and just. he’s peter. he wants to get married. he’s a wife guy. i doubt flash says yes IMMEDIATELY because he has some hang-ups related to his home life growing up and peter and him haven’t always had the smoothest relationship, so understandably he isn’t ready to say yes immediately .... but like... they’ve been exclusive for a few years on top of some off-and-on stuff in their early 20s, and peter has seen him in some of his worst, most rock-bottom moments in life as well as helping him realize who he is inside, and still loves him, so he says yes.

also around this time, along with the convo about if marriage is the right fit, they have a convo about flash’s ... “identity issues” and talk about that and make good strides there. peter helps flash embrace that aspect of himself, especially now that peter’s mature enough to be capable of supporting flash without being pushy or aggressive or expecting him to just magically be grateful LOL—my, how they grow up XD so this is when they first start experimenting with feminine terms of endearment (at least on purpose) and stuff like... well, they’re engaged so i guess it’s just fiance LOL so not girlfriend. “wife-to-be.” and other more uh. nsfw things 😂

(the blue pendant necklace is a wedding gift from felicia)

they get married, still 26 because their wedding is in the spring and flash’s birthday isn’t until june and peter’s is in october, but like, ALMOST 27, the long hair is definitely what flash has at 27 following the wedding, and then the even longer hair is around the time the man-spider fic is taking place and has grown out a lot.

i’m still using he/him pronouns for flash in the man-spider fic as of my most recent edits, but i actually am not 100% sure what the deal is with that. i think there are lot of feminine terms of endearment in the privacy of their home, and i’ve had felicia call flash a pretty girl, and even tossed in a “wife” in a recent edit of ch 1, but flash isn’t really publicly out... “boy mode at work” as the doodle says lol. there’s always a chance i go back and edit pronouns. we’ll see how that shakes out. i think when flash is somewhere around mid-40s that might shift over to like, more feminine everything... a more comprehensive social transition i guess

then the late 40s one is mostly an estimate of like, this might be what flash looks like in 20 years... but idk for sure. wife city. a couple of white hairs but she’s not going gray as much as peter is lol

also—re the wedding stuff: originally there was no yarmulke for flash’s wedding outfit but i recently committed to flash asking his mother about their heritage (in “last week [...]”) with the idea that maybe his mom’s side is jewish or used to be jewish (but that there’s been a lot of intermarriage) and now have decided flash converts in 2010, so not an interfaith ceremony, just a jewish one.

here are their wedding rings. peter proposed without a ring but after they talked through if marriage was the right step for them and flash agreed to it, flash also eventually asked if he could get an engagement ring... because gender. so they buy a really small, simple one that doesn’t attract too much attention but still has a little tiny diamond... peter offers to wear one too but it’s not very practical for his line of work (spidey lol) so they end up just getting the one for flash. and then their wedding bands match but flash’s is skinnier just cause he doesn’t want to draw too much attention to the set. like it’s a small, happy thing for him, but that doesn’t mean he wants randos staring at his rings (and also they’re not exactly wealthy on a single full time teacher’s salary + a part time assistant gym teacher’s salary to support them and pitch in for aunt may...)

i can see peter getting an anniversary ring for flash eventually too... maybe 10 year...

also as a sidenote, i just wanted to say i def agree that peter doesn’t need to be married to be an adult or be mature, and that it’s weird when people boil it down to “peter has to be married to be an adult.” the problem with comics right now isn’t that he isn’t married, but rather the circumstances for why it was decided that they had to end that relationship, and the way he is watered down into a nothing character with no personality and no flaws who isn’t allowed to swear or drink in the name of Mascot-ification while his dark hair and features are made lighter and more generic (arguably more aryan) (latter also a problem with flash and why i only draw flash with curly or wavy red or strawberry hair now instead of the straight yellow blonde he’s been given over the past 20 years)

ANYWAY

what i’m saying is that while marriage shouldn’t be the only way for a romance to continue, etc. and emulating traditional gender roles and marriage roles is not the only way to be in love etc. i do think peter is a wife guy (and how many times has his first solution to literally any problem with a woman has been “oh no i have to propose”?) so i think in this case it’s warranted, and peter being like, well, gay marriage is legal... and we both have jobs at the same school now... and we’re probably gonna move soon... maybe we should get married.... makes sense to me 😂 especially considering things like healthcare and the fact that flash is no longer young enough to stay on his dad’s insurance... and peter is very much a protective (overprotective) person who wants to take care of the people he cares about... makes sense that he’d be like, i love you, i want to be with you for as long as possible, let me take care of you better

but also: me smushing fictional characters together like barbies: teehee wedding

me giving flash longer and longer hair and more feminine presentation could also be talked about as like, trans people don’t need to emulate traditional gender roles—but i like when flash has long hair and i think it looks pretty and cute. but also frankly part of the reason i gave flash long hair is less to do with gender presentation and more to do with the fact that i grew up in a family where 4/5 of my uncles grew their hair out long as adults specifically because they’d all had buzzcuts their whole childhood and adolescence so growing their hair out was a way for them to assert their personhood lol

and i think that applies to flash here too, in addition to the genders and long hair as a form of feminine androgyny

as for peter:

i drew a lot less for him XD his hair is mostly the same 2-3 styles cause he doesn’t care that much about fashion whereas flash has the whole Queerness and Gender thing going on. (otherwise i wouldn’t have given him like 10 hairstyles LOL)

late teens and early 20s, peter starts to loosen up a little bit with his hair as he gets older and more adult... he also loosens up his clothing for all of five seconds because with the symbiote when he’s 17-18 (mostly 18) he doesn’t need to hide a suit under his clothes, it just exists, so 18 is his “slutty button-downs” era XD but then a few months before he turns 19 he loses the symbiote so it’s back to buttoned-up collars and turtlenecks and stuff... but sexy instead of nerdy. also he shaves his awful teenage boy barely-a-mustache.

that era of looser hair and more tightly done casual clothes is also around when flash goes back to trying to be masc and he and peter are separated (both in terms of peter living away from aunt may’s house and also in terms of not dating) for a little while.

but, early 20s is also when peter and flash get back together after a couple years and enter a steady relationship—when they’re around 21, 22 years old? and that happens kind of concurrently with flash figuring himself out with less fear, and peter helps with that a little bit. so as peter starts getting shaggier and less uptight, flash also starts to relax and grow his hair out. so they get shaggy hair together 😌 (though flash’s is def longer, peter just needs to go get his hair cut more often XD)

mid-20s, you can see Pete has gotten shaggy as he loosens up! but then some shit happens over a span of ~3 months that’s not great that i won’t get into here (see this post ) and he ends up hospitalized etc... after that, he gets his hair cut once he’s doing better, and keeps it pretty short and tidy from here on out as a way to, i guess... have some control over his life. it makes him feel better to be clean-shaven, neatly coiffed, etc. so from his mid-20s onward he’s permanently said goodbye to the baby mullets.

and then like i said he doesn’t go through as many hairstyles so i didn’t bother drawing out 10 different variations of his mid-20s haircuts... cause they’re all roughly the same but with varying levels of bang length depending on when the last time he got a haircut was XD

so skipping to 26/27 for the wedding stuff, and then 28 for man-spider... he’s matured now.... (damn wish i was that put-together at 28, my life’s a mess😂) so in man-spider they’ve been married for a little over a year (rough strain on the second year of marriage 😅) and then after it, he looks mostly the same but is a little bit fuzzier (even more?!) and has slightly pointier teeth.

and then in his 40s aka DILF with bad facial hair era, his hair will start going PRETTY gray pretty quickly... with that white streak... his hair is gonna be more silvery than flash’s as they age, partly cause of the stress of being spider-man and partly cause silver fox suits him lol

(not that flash hasn’t had stressful stuff happening too but it’s a little different)

and yes i gave him stupid facial hair, as is his right. any middle aged peter needs some kind of dorky goatee or mustache, that’s just the rules okay. i almost gave him a beard but i didn’t like the way it looked XD (also a beard under the mask seems unpleasant)

he dies at 49.

i drew this anyway:

I mostly just wanted to doodle that cause I thought it was cute but like... Peter gets gunned down before he even hits his 50th birthday. like literally a few weeks before he turns 50. It’s tragic but not surprising in the end and probably something they were a little prepared for considering everything that happens in their life together. at least flash will be a hot milf widow. (except she dies of a broken heart on his birthday instead) (aka a heart attack + a fall in the middle of the night)

i’ve just been thinking about that scene in asm500 where future peter gets taken out by a literal swarm of cops and a sniper... though that universe obviously has its own stuff going on and implies peter kinda goes bad, and i’m not really looking to do that to him or flash (as much as i like a Killer Spidey, i don’t think it’s the right fit here) we’ll see... i just know i want to re-emphasize that peter will treat flash with love, gentleness, and tenderness up until his last breath... wifeguy til the end. i think maybe fisk is involved or something...

anyway misc doodles from the past two years:

tfw you turn from a circle to a dorky teenager into being chiseled

i’ll also note that peter has a lot of issues ... like a lot... and he was already a temperamental teen but he has some serious anger and other issues as a teenager due to sexual trauma as a 12 year old :( poor kid. you can see mentions of that in the stuff i have posted; peter’s mostly coping as an adult but sometimes it creeps back out... :/ contributed to his antisocial behavior in high school for sure. also he hit puberty so hard XD his voice dropped like three octaves between age 12 and age 18 lmfao

added flash onto this older drawing so i could have a comparison of the way they grew... they both had major growth spurts but flash’s happened when he was around 13 and peter’s didn’t hit until 16-ish (well no he had a smaller growth spurt around 12-13)... a couple of angry children XD... also edited this to make ben shorter cause i realized i made him like. very tall on accident. but closer to 5′11″ here instead of like 6′2″ XD

and peter’s spidey suits over the years... first costume is dorkier and also a little more silver age styled, then black suit as an 18 year old and then he makes a new suit since he’s bigger after losing the black suit, and needs something better and more durable... has also filled out a LOT by 19/20 lol now he’s got that booty... and i think his suit probably tends to be some variation on that suit throughout his adulthood...

i’ll note that originally i planned for the black suit to be a little earlier but some stuff changed, so peter probably shouldn’t be QUITE that gangly and thin in the black suit. but otherwise it’s mostly right.

i also have this variant (with bonus six arms style) which i like a lot too though for all of these i don’t actually love the spider logo’s look ... this was a scrapped idea for a different AU so just ignore the six arms and spider face stuff XD not relevant here, just looking at the suit style

it’s really just the default spider-suit i draw tbh XD (this pic and the next obvs from that 8 page comic i did, not from this au)

i like this logo style better.

also bonus: a general idea of what the rest of the gang looks like..

#nadiart #rough art #fanadiart #peterflash #peter parker #flash thompson #trans flash #spiderman #peterflash timeline au #came in through the window last night

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suckitsurveys · 1 month

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Would you rather have another job? I don’t know what the hell else I would do lol. Right now I’m hating it because I need to be paid more and I’m training someone who makes more than me and it just sucks, but overall, I really do like what I do.

Did you ever live in a house with more than one story? Our building is 2 stories and we live in the basement. Growing up my house had two stories.

What room of your home do you spend most time in? The living room.

Is your second toe longer than your big toe? Is it bad that I can’t remember? haha.

Have you ever given yourself a tattoo? Nope.

Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother? Well, my mom’s dead, so.

Do you have health insurance? Yeah. What are some medical issues you’re currently dealing with? Oh I’m fully convinced all my organs are slowly failing, but, ya know.

Why did you last take pain medication? I had a headache.

What physical traits have you inherited from your father? My eyes and nose.

How about your mother? My face structure and mouth.

What personality traits do you wish your children would inherit from you? I'm not having kids merely for the fact that I’m not passing this shit down to another human.

What parts of the world are your ancestors from? Places where white people are.

Have you ever had a strange pet, outside of the normal animals people keep? No.

Do you believe in astrology? I’m not hardcore about it but I strongly identify with a lot of Virgo traits.

Do you drive an electric car? I have a hybrid that runs on battery when the car goes under 15MPH. It charges while I’m driving it.

Do you like facial hair on guys or do you prefer the clean shaven look? I like stubble.

Who was your first celebrity crush? Ash Ketchum from Pokemon. Who is your current celebrity crush? Michael Longfellow. Are you good with kids? Sure.

Are you usually late, early, or right on time? I can be any of these at any given time.

Are you good at applying makeup? I manage but I also just use very basic shit when I do ware it.

Do you like pastel colored hair? Mine is currently pastel pink.

What do you think about the most? Just, life, man.

Do you like to see it snowing outside? It’s nice to look at if I don’t have to go anywhere.

Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Definitely not.

Have you ever been in a choir? We used to have music classes in grade school and we all sung in those.

Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Younger.

When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I have no idea.

Where did you spend your last birthday at? I had dinner with my family and Mark and I went on a little staycation and got sushi.

What was the last show that you watched a full episode of? Saturday Night Live.

Is there anything you need to work on doing soon? Little bit, yeah.

Were you ever a boy or girl scout? Nope.

Do you take your medications in the morning or at night? I don’t take any medication at all.

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? Nope.

What is the best type of donut? Jelly filled powered donuts are my favorite. I also like Boston cream.

Do you like thrift stores? Sure.

What is your town known for? Probably the food and the architecture most of all. Also people like to think we’re crazy dangerous but we aren’t even in the top 10 most dangerous cities.

Have you ever used a fake name at Starbucks? No.

What color is your lava lamp? I don’t own one.

Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? I don’t know them by name but I always liked the kitties and the aliens the most.

What’s your favorite movie that you remember seeing in the theater? Recently it was Bottoms.

Do you know anyone who has ten cats? My dad’s neighbor does.

Have you ever had a cat? I had two growing up and three currently.

Have you ever had a dog? Yes, we had a family dog.

Have you ever any other kind of animal? Yes, birds, mice, fish, hamsters.

Have you ever had a pet rock? Nope..

What were you voted in the senior class polls? I wasn’t..

Who was your favorite teacher in high school? My art teachers.

Do you want to give your kids common names or unique names? I’m not having kids.

What collection are you thinking of starting? I wanna start/continue a playing card collection.

Do you organize your clothes by color? Nope.

What do you want to name your first child? I am not having kids.

List ten favorite girls names. Cecilia, Josephine, Stella, Alice, Margo, Alex, Louise, Veda, Ramona, Maple.

List ten favorite boys names. Brendon, Archie, Eli, Dylan, Bennett, Howie, Ezra, Grant, Arlo, Henry.

What season do you want to get married in? I got married in the summer.

Is your Pinterest cluttered? I don’t use Pinterest enough to make boards.

What is your favorite insect? Praying Manti, butterflies, dragonflies, lady bugs.

What bugs scare you? None really “scare” me but I cannot stand earwigs and centipedes.

Who picked your name, your mom or your dad? They ultimately decided together but my dad was dead set on my middle name being my first name until my mom found Hannah and they decided on that.

Have you ever fallen asleep in a significant other’s arms? Yes.

Do you have a television in your room? If you do, is it one of the old school big ones? Or i it a new flat screen? Yes, it’s a flat screen.

What was your favorite cartoon or television show as a child? What about movie? Oh goddd I had do many. Garfield and Friends was one, and as far as movies, I loved Nightmare Before Christmas.

Did you have sleepovers at your friends’ houses a lot as a child? Or did your friends come over to your house more often? Yes, it was pretty even.

Do you have any significantly older siblings? My sister is 9 years older than me.

When opening presents on Christmas or birthdays, do you first try to guess what is in the package? Do you tear the wrap off slowly, or just rip it to shreds? Are you polite no matter what the gift, and say you love it anyways? I don’t know I never pay attention to how I’m opening something but I do always say thank you.

What happened last time you got drunk? It’s been a WHILE since I got fully drunk.

What are you listening to? Nothing.

Which parent do you feel the most affection for? Because my mom has passed, I feel different affections for both her and my living father.

How do you feel about God? I don’t feel anything about god.

Which platform do you use to listen to music on the most? Spotify.

Who do you care about the most? My husband and my nieces.

#surveys #it's been a bit

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gothicayomi · 3 months

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Just to be clear can we follow up if we want? :0 came from ur American psycho fic lol but love ur vibes and aesthetic 😌

Oh wow, I didn’t think anyone would come here from that place lol. Yeah it’s all good :)

I know I’ve gotten a lot of people asking me to update the story. I do have half of the next chapter ready. It just sucks because I’ve had writer’s block for over a year and I just don’t know how to get out of it, writing just isn’t fun for me like it once was. Maybe I’ll gain motivation and inspiration soon. I’ll admit, these past few weeks I’ve been lowkey sad and I’m suffering LOL

Also, I’ve been incredibly busy— after my mental breakdown two years ago, things just spiraled. This last September I did end up moving into a housing program where I’m currently safe and secure. My schedule is always full though smfh and I don’t got insurance, and it sucks because I got some physical health problems I need taken care of. My main focus these days is volunteer work and school— I just started taking classes for a welding certification and I’m having a crisis cuz idk if it’s something I actually want to do, but I’m not the one who paid for the classes and supplies LMFAOOOOOO so I’m really beating myself up over that to the point where I want to die. I also kind of put my family and especially my cousin on the back burner because she’s the devil incarnate. Her mistreatment toward me really fucked me up and I’m still trying to Work Through That.

There’s other stuff too but I’m not trynna ramble the whole time lol. Basically: shit never fucking ends, man. :|

I didn’t mean to ramble lmfao but yeah that’s an update on yours truly. Thanks for stopping by, it’s sweet to know there are still people who enjoy my works despite how terribly written they are. I really do want to get back into writing and I think about it all the time but I just either don’t have a clear schedule or I’m too mentally exhausted to use my brain. Also thank you— I kind of just rb whatever 🤠 but yeah tyyyy for checking in!!

#anonymous #asked and answered

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tw-kingbaby · 2 years

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food log

7/14

with food pictures!

10:30AM: coffee

2:00PM: genmai cha (green tea) w/frothed almond milk, chocolate covered blueberries, sweet potato wafer cookies, chocolate square (180)

9:15PM: low cal wrap with goat cheese, spinach, arugula, tomato, glass of kombucha (260)

total: 440

pretty satisfied today! it was raining earlier and i just NEEDED a cup of tea. i had tried an old tea bag of earl grey with some creamer, which ended up being kind of flavorless and gross so it wasn’t worth the calories in the creamer. dumped it and went for the loose genmai cha instead. i’ve gotten so deep into tea i fear that i’ve ruined tea bags for myself. i’ll have to get some loose earl grey...

but yeah. got my sweets fix. i decided to pull out the cute little plates for my treats and honestly, that really enhanced the whole meal. so much better than eating blueberries off my chest in a beanbag chair or licking chocolate straight out of the wrapper haha. the whole thing was surprisingly satisfying. and honestly i’m just obsessed with this goat cheese wrap rn. so good. i toss some extra salt, pepper, and dried garlic chips on top. this thing is my new overnight oats lmao. i just can’t get back into prepping those. i should look into baked oats though...

the rest of my day was good! watched my man, high as balls, play oblivion all day. after that i streamed this organ harvesting game for him until he got too tired. i’ve gotten a couple of orders for tarot reading, one that’s already out of the way, and i’ll do the last one sometime in the next hour. took some dirty pictures too, this time without feeling like a fat sack of trash. i feel so much better at this weight, it’s unbelievable. i’m still not 100% with myself, maybe just 40% happy. but that’s way up from 5%. i’m so excited to make more progress.

oh, and i finally have health insurance! and it’s freeeeee (i’m kinda poor). my birth control implant can now be swapped out and i don’t have to worry about kids for another five years lol. very good since i’ll be seeing my boyfriend in 68 days. AND my mom gave me her fitbit that she got for free through work. it was supposed to be part of some employee fitness plan but she hates wearing watches or bracelets. she figures it’s better if someone is using it, at least.

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universallywriting · 2 years

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I love what you did with the book witch au, where you told a nick epic story from the perspective of a character who only saw a small part of it. If you want to try something like that: how about a time loop story but we only see the latest loop from someone else’s point

I'll give you three, lol.

----------------

Steven knocks on her door at 7 am and she drowsily makes her way downstairs, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “Hey, Steven. Is something wrong?”

“Nope. Just speedrunning.”

She's too sleepy for this. She stares at him blankly. “What?”

“I’m depressed,” he says. “I need to see your mom so I can get a therapist. Also, I’m gonna end up telling your mom about the dangerous stuff we did together. Basically all of it.”

Her eyes widen. That's a wakeup call. “Oh. Uh. Before you do that. Maybe I could just get a referral for you? I know you don’t have health insurance or go to the doctor-”

“Yeah,” he says with a brisk, odd confidence. “I’m telling your mom. LIke, tomorrow. You should probably get ready for that.”

She shakes her head. “What… I… Steven, is something wrong? Do you need my help?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m falling apart.” He grins, shooting finger guns that are oddly flirtatious. “But you already helped me a lot before. Later. Sorry, time stuff it weird. But the therapy thing is your idea.”

“I… is it?” She blinks. She tries to subtly pinch her arm.

Steven sees and says, "You’re not dreaming, I’m just sequence breaking. I gotta go freak out other people.”

------------------

“Jasper!”

She lumbers out of her cave, teeth bared as she looks down at the boy in the pink jacket. She makes herself tall, stiff-backed, and opens her mouth to deliver something that’ll send him running home.

“Hey, uh, I just wanted to tell you that your life is none of my business.” He tucks his hands in his pockets, looking lazily up at her, and it's so unlike him all she can do is stare. “I’’m gonna ask someone else to come tell you about gem events, and I’m just gonna leave you alone. I mean, friendship offer is always open, but I’m not gonna bug you about it.”

She scowls, narrowing her eyes, because she’s certain this is some kind of trick. But for the life of her, she can’t puzzle it out. She crosses her arms and snaps, “So you’re giving up?”

“Kinda?” He rolls his shoulders. “Listen, I’ve tried. I’ve tried a lot. And there’s no way to hang out with you that doesn’t go down a bad path, so I’m not gonna do it anymore. I’m not going to let myself get dragged down to your level. I need to choose better people to surround myself with.”

She blinks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m not a fighter anymore.” He steps back slowly, smiling a little. “So… let me know when you’re done being a soldier. Because I’m going to go be a civilian.”

---------------------------

“Hey Garnet. You give really bad romantic advice, so don’t tell me anything about what to do with my future wife.”

The future is always a hard river to shift through, but today it's wild. The way it knots up and doubles back on itself leaves only one explanation, so she says, “Tell me how many times you’ve looped.”

“Twenty-three.”

“Exit plan.”

“I can stop at any time. It’s not even full loops.” He holds up a pink watch on his wrist. She hadn't noticed that before, but it's clearly some sort of time travel device. Just looking at it makes her future vision turn into a kaleidoscope. “It’s self-terminating. Once you get past the idea that technically the whole universe dies every time you reset, it’s really easy to use. I’m just going for a perfect run.”

“Goal.”

“Oh, if I don’t get some stuff settled I kill Jasper and turn into a giant monster.” She quirks an eyebrow, and he explains, “She got better. I can bring back shattered gems if I have all the pieces. Or maybe it's just Yellow's juice? I don't know. I made some gamer girl bath water and it always works.”

She leans back, arms crossed over her chest. “Good. I hope I never see that monster.”

He makes a little hiss through his teeth, and she's surprised to see a lot of pain and confusion and just awfulness as the future spins off ahead. Does he want to turn into a monster? What has she done?

“Yeah, listen. Stuff like that is about half of why I lost it. You guys are really not helpful." He laughs and rubs the back of his neck. "Connie has to come yell at everyone to get it together. I don’t have, like, a single helpful adult in my life.”

She blinks. That’s a new one.

He says, “Don’t worry. We’ll cover it in family therapy. But, yeah, this all-knowing thing is really garbage, just so you know.”

#steven universe #steven universe future #connie maheswaran #fic

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

Text

I kinda wanna fucking scream, so here, have a offline bullshit rant post.

So I’ve literally been trying to get my stupid fucking meds for over a MONTH now at this point, which I’m sure you can all see like, my mood is just wooooonderful these days. Not an excuse, casual reminder that yeah you do gotta take care of your own space so if my mood is dragging anyone down, I’m totes on board with blocking or unfollowing or y’know, burning me in effigy or something. Okay maybe not that last part. But still. You get it. And its not even that like, I need mood stabilizers per se, lol, so shout out to the armchair diagnosticians helpfully peppering my inbox still in their quest to oh so slickly be like ‘hey you’re a hot mess, take your hot messness away from tumblr’ like lol, didn’t ask.....nah, its mostly the perpetual lack of sleep and chronic pain issues that I have zero distraction from when my specific combo of meds isn’t able to let me actually weaponize my ADHD properly and power through that. Its a whole thing. Whatever. Just go with it.

POINT IS. So I’ve been trying to do this for over a month now, first obstacle was even just getting the money together for my refill appointment which is a whopping $150, because I have to pay out of pocket for mental health stuff these days because I had to switch my insurance over to something that paid out more heavily for physical benefits like my jaw surgery.....and because of the pandemic, and how many psychiatrists in my area and that I could actually reach aren’t taking new patients during the pandemic since most of them are conducting business virtually still, like, I have barely any resources for seeking out and trying new psychiatrist offices in the meanwhile that might charge less and I’m kinda stuck with the one I have because the last thing I can afford is to have like, NO psychiatrist at the moment, y’know?

So first I had to have that to even BOOK the appointment, which took forever because rent and food are a joy to accrue when you can barely manage to function as an actual employee of the capitalist machine ahfsklhflkahflakf, but so then I did that and like, got an appointment put on the books for August 19th. That was the soonest they could fit me in back when I paid them for my appointment about a week and a half ago. No, two weeks ago now? Eh, time is fake. ANYWAY, so that wasn’t gonna work for me, so basically the entirety of last week was devoted to constantly calling and trying to check in every other hour to see if they had any sooner cancellations I could take, because for whatever fucking reason, they just ‘don’t do’ a cancellation list wherein they call the next person on the list once they have a cancellation. Whatever.

So finally got a cancellation slot with a virtual appointment last Saturday night at random as fuck 8:40. Okay cool. Most of my refills are fairly simple, no real changes, but two are controlled substances so like, they have to do their due diligence and go through the proper protocols before giving me another prescription to one or whatever. Fine. Okay.

So I call the CVS they sent the prescription for my ADHD med to, the very next morning. One of the controlled substances, and the key med to like....making me functional instead of a rambling disjointed whirlibird of a thought emitter. Problem is, that medication is on back order. Won’t be in until Tuesday. Ugh. Okay, fine. Nothing I can do about it, because while the specific provider I spoke to in order to GET my refill prescriptions was taking an appointment the night before, the actual offices that schedule appointments and connect patients through to their providers was closed for the weekend, so I couldn’t even ask for them to send the scrip somewhere else.

SO. I go back to the CVS on Monday, hoping that maybe it came in early because not like I can do much else in the meanwhile. Course its not there, but oh well. I toy with the idea of calling to ask my provider to send the scrip to a different pharmacy (only had it sent to this one cuz its within walking distance to me, and since I can’t drive for medical reasons and Uber’s are expensive as fuck, just for errands, like, even though walking is sooooo not fun for me physically, like it is what it is). I decide against it because here’s another fun fact about this controlled substance....for security reasons, pharmacies don’t have to tell people over the phone if they have it in stock or not. Like, they won’t just say no we don’t have it in stock - I mean, they WILL say that, but that doesn’t actually mean anything because that’s what most of them say about that particular medication no matter whether or not they DO, and then just cite security protocols, so you have to actually GO to the store in question to ask them and even get a real answer to whether or not they even HAVE it in stock to FILL a prescription if its sent over. And no, the provider won’t just send scrips into several different pharmacies at once and just be whichever has it in stock can fill it - because again, controlled substance.

SO. I decide its not worth it to try getting the scrip sent over somewhere else, because I’d have to at least waste money on an Uber to even travel to various pharmacies and even check if they CAN fill it sooner than this one, when at least this place will have it in tomorrow. Its just one more day at this point.

Except then I go back on Tuesday. Oh sorry, don’t know why that other person told you we’d have our order in today, our shipments of that medication don’t come in until Wednesdays.

So I go back Wednesday. Success! They have it in stock. I go to pay, pulling out my goodRx coupon that was just printed out that morning, specifically citing the price for CVS at Target. The pharmacy manager says sorry, we don’t honor that coupon here for controlled substances like this one. I say: record scratch? He’s like yeah, that’s at the discretion of individual pharmacies, and we don’t honor that price for this specific medication, because we don’t want to attract customers only coming here to get that medication filled for that price. (This pharmacy is right at the edge of Inglewood and Culver City, for anyone who is familiar with those neighborhoods. The implications are exactly as they appear to be). So I’m like, what’s the regular generic price? He quotes me something that’s $180 more than the coupon, and thus $180 more than I have since I was focused totally on getting THIS amount ASAP, so I could get these meds so I could do more work and make more money. You see the train of thought. I’m like well that’s awesome, I don’t have anything close to that. Hey. Weird question. Why did nobody I talked to the past three days in a row that I’ve walked into this store in person to request this refill, like, mention this little tidbit about not honoring this coupon so instead of waiting for a backorder that would do me no good, I could have been spending that time having my prescription transferred somewhere that WOULD honor it?

He’s like, well did you mention to any of them that you’d be using a goodRx coupon for this particular medication? I said, yup. He said, you sure? I said well the specific process each time was I came in, I asked if this medication was in, they said what’s your name and date of birth, I provided that info, they said are you paying out of pocket, we don’t have valid insurance info for this on file for you, I said yup paying out of pocket with a goodRx coupon, they said *clickety clack of the keyboard* nope, sorry, we won’t have this medicine in until Tuesday, I mean Wednesday.

He’s like, well you must be misremembering or they would have told you at the time that we don’t take GoodRx coupons on this medication. I’m like, dude, it was you. It was literally you that I spoke to two of those three times, right here at the counter, in person. I’m gonna go ahead and trust my memory of those interactions and what was said there over yours since you don’t actually remember having talked to me two times in the last three days. He’s like, I gotta go help another customer. There is no other customer. I leave. Fun day for everyone.

So then I call around town to at least check which CVS will actually honor the coupon I have and the price that I can afford to pay it at. I don’t bother asking if they even have the medication in stock because I know its not guaranteed to be a CORRECT answer, but at least I can see who accepts this damn coupon. Also, reason I’m only trying big brand pharmacies instead of smaller, hole in the wall ones is because again, controlled substance, and I know from experience that the bigger brand pharmacies are at least more likely to have that med in stock whereas most smaller ones tend to run out very quickly as they usually only get enough for their existing/regular customers and a little extra.

I find a CVS five miles away - not walkable, gonna have to Uber. Call my psychiatrist office again to ask them to transfer the scrip, front office says they’ll send the request to my provider, who usually checks and fulfills such requests in 24-48 hours. I’m like okay cool, can I get a phone call to let me know when that happens, so at least I know when to check back to follow up if it hasn’t happened yet for whatever reason? They’re like no, the pharmacy will send you a text or call when they get the prescription sent over and you can take it from there with them. I’m like okay, but I’ve done this a bunch of times and know from experience the pharmacy does NOT in fact always call or text, so is there a certain time to follow up to inquire if the provider has already sent the scrip and the pharmacy SHOULD have it by now or if the delay is on the provider’s end? Front office is like yeah no. I’m like, swell.

So that was yesterday. I call the pharmacy (which I still don’t even know if they have the medication IN STOCK to fill the scrip even once they GET the scrip, and won’t until I can actually Uber out there, but one thing at a time at this point) at like 9 pm, they’re a 24 hour pharmacy, and they’re like nope, we got nothing (this is after spending an hour and a half on hold to even TALK to someone at the pharmacy). Called them again today at noon, still nada. Technically I have another 29 hours before the window in which the provider is supposed to send the refill scrip to this new location, before I can be like, okay so they still haven’t done it, can we send him a nudge or another request. The 24-48 hour window will only actually EXPIRE after their offices close on Friday meaning it’ll be Monday before I can even actually REACH someone again to ask them to send the scrip again, if the pharmacy hasn’t ACTUALLY gotten it by Friday night, and pessimistically, I’m not super inclined to assume that they will at this point.

I’m antsy, irritable, hungry because I don’t even know for SURE sure if the new pharmacy will ACTUALLY honor the coupon or say no sorry we don’t do that here either, whoever told you that was wrong, or if they’ll even actually have it in stock versus I’ll have to have it sent somewhere else AGAIN, so I have to pinch every penny possible in order to ensure I have the most money possible once my prescription IS filled in case the price is more than I expected again or in case I have to take Ubers there or further than I expected or basically....shit happens that I don’t expect. And this is what I’m basically spending all my time doing instead of working, because trying to get work done in this state is like....the harder I try to make it happen, the less it actually gets done, so I try and prioritize this and its roadblock after roadblock dragging out and wasting my time, and like yeah, I can post and shit while I’m doing this aka sitting on hold or walking around town trying to get shit filled because its fine if I ramble incoherently along the way in posts, but actual WORK work requires like....fucking coherency and succinctness and not having to stop and start every five minutes to call someone else, and oh yeah, being able to power through migraine spikes. And just.

I’m very annoyed about anything and everything to do with this shit. The hoops you have to jump through to even get the stuff that like....actualizes your hoop jumping ability, is just....*gnashing of teeth*

Anyway. So that’s my offline bullshit rant. Yay. The end.

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upagainstthesunset · 2 years

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Hey all, so I’m doing a thing where I blog reading through The Flash Vol 2!

I'm not sure how often I’ll post these or how far I’ll get, but the idea is to pair visuals with my thoughts and reactions as I read. I’ve found that comics don’t really stick in my memory, so I figure this will give me something to come back to later. It’s gonna be one issue per post, so if that sounds fun and you don’t mind scrolling through a bunch of comic panels, then read on! And if you’d like to filter these posts out, I’m using the tag #katereadscomics

Now without further ado.. Flash Vol 2, Issue 1

His friends threw him such a nice party, but he seems so aloof about it. Oh so this is the girl he’s with at the start of the run. Already there’s some friction. I’ve read this and several other issues before, but I honestly forgot about Francine.

Okay I definitely also forgot this was the cross-country heart story! I had read this before I ever started watching Young Justice, and it was cool to see a reimagining of the story in the show. Ah he's already concerned about money. It seems like such a strange real-world thing to want health insurance and to keep receipts in a superhero comic, but I like that it's unusual.

And I really like how this is narrated. He's so disillusioned, but he still wants to help people. And yeah, Barry’s legacy is always there in his mind. How do you carve out your own identity and feel comfortable when you’re wearing someone else’s “skin”?

Oh he said part of my tumblr url lol. I keep wondering if someone’s going to figure out it’s a stupid pun.

I remember when I read this for the first time I was like "oh yuck this art is weirdly proportioned, and the faces have all these strange distinguishing features." But now I'm like ahh yes strange bodies and facial expressions, my beloved. This was such a memorable scene.

She wanted to see the Flash, and he got to tell her that he’s familiar with her work. She says “The fact that you exist gives me great joy.” It’s such a positive message but it doesn’t bring any light or happiness to the vibe of the story. I mean, look at the circumstances.

For the opening issue of a new volume, this has such a bleak tone. The way he says “I don’t think about it. I can’t think about it.” This man seriously deserves some therapy.

Yeah. My dude legitimately seems like he’s suffering from a deep seated depression, returning home to an empty house like he’s missed all the good parts of life.

What a goddamn rollercoaster jfc. To go from winning the lottery to Vandal bringing him a terrible, terrible gift. It’s a real “what’s in the box” situation.

Final thoughts:

Seriously, this story was such a shock when I first read it. I was going into it like okay Wally’s a funny guy, this should be some fun hijinks. NO. This was not a lighthearted romp. And it wasn’t even fantastical the way you’d expect a superhero story to be. It was a glimpse into the life of a person who has extraordinary talent, but feels empty. A person who can’t say no to helping people because his sense of duty to others is so strong, but it comes at a price. He’s surrounded by friends and positivity, yet he’s just going through the motions, and it’s narrated in this numb, procedural way. His money concerns are so interesting because it’s not something you’d ever hear from Superman or Wonder Woman or the other larger than life heroes. But here’s Wally, just a guy who runs fast trying to make ends meet and dealing with whatever happens next. Like damn dude. Just damn.

#katereadscomics #wally west #the flash #flash vol 2 #god i could analyze SO much in this one single issue #the themes are fantastic and subversive compared to how i had initially thought this comic would be #and the way its really such a character study of where wally is in his life #just ugh its so good #btw not tagging these with longpost so assume all katereadscomics tags imply longpost #ill still put these under a read more just in case

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avelera · 3 years

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Hi! I love going through your ADHD tag. A lot of it is so informative but I like reading your personal experiences and seeing that I'm not the only one feeling the way I am. So, thank you for putting that out there! I had a question for you regarding the diagnosis of ADHD and, please if you feel uncomfortable or don't want to answer, please feel free to just ignore this! For over 5-6 years, I've been quite sure that I have ADHD. However, in the past (and currently, actually) I haven't been in a position to seek out a therapist or get a diagnosis. I've also heard it's really expensive to get a diagnosis. Would you be okay with talking about how you found someone to talk to about a potential diagnosis and what the process of getting a diagnosis looks like? I found some stuff online but it's been pretty vague and generally along the lines of "it differs on a case-by-case basis." Thank you, again, for the tag and for all the stuff you write! <3

Hey there Anon! Happy to share my experience.

Ok, so here's the privileges I had which might mitigate the value of my advice in some situations but 1) I'm in the US (specifically, the northeast) where ADHD is taken pretty seriously and while not spoken of openly in all professional circles, getting a diagnosis in most cases doesn't run up against cultural taboos that would prevent treatment 2) I have health insurance through my job and 3) I was in a position to seek therapy when I got my diagnosis for unrelated life stuff. It was the therapist who referred me to a psychiatrist who got me meds and later I found this AMAZING psychiatrist in my area who helped me work through multiple medications until I found the right fit (however, she had a 4 month waitlist before I could work with her. Worth it! But I had an ongoing prescription during that time, I just wasn't sure it was the right one).

Gonna cut here to go into more specifics:

- I was diagnosed when I mentioned to my therapist (while pretty much shaking with fear that I would look like some kind of amphetamine addict looking for a fix or a kid looking for party drugs) that I kinda sorta maybe had ADHD destroying my life and she basically went, "Oh yeah, that's been obvious since Day 1 when you wouldn't look me in the eye while speaking." So... lol, basically you're probably not nearly as subtle as you think to a trained professional if you have it.

- When I dared to ask if she could help me get medication her response was, "Yeah, sure, here's a number, call them and tell them I sent you as a referral." It was that difficult.

- That person kinda sucked and there's a bunch of annoying bureaucracy BUT when I mentioned this to my general practitioner doctor he was like "If they suck I can hold you over with prescriptions until you find a new person." No, he did not question me. Literally no actual medically trained person I've ever spoken to has shown any concern that I might be lying or faking or whatever, they've all be scrupulously helpful and even apologetic at all the hoops.

- The first time I tried Adderall I had a near out-of-body experience with how easy life suddenly became. Fear of emails just melted away. I got a week's worth of work that had been HAUNTING me done in an afternoon. HOWEVER, that level of euphoria only happened the one time, and that's pretty universal that you'll cry with relief the first time you use it then if you don't get the right medication you will chase that high incorrectly. For me, the correct medication turned out to be extended-release, 25 mg (relatively low) generic adderall and this is after a year of the "fancier" Vyvanse that was supposed to be smoother (and it was, compared to single release adderall which made me want to chew nails I was so stressed).

- The downside with ANY single release for me though, it turned out (even relatively smooth Vyvanse) was that when I crashed at the end of the day I absolutely craved alcohol, or sugar, some kind of pick-me-up. I thought I was an alcoholic. I was legit scared by how bad I needed alcohol at the end of the day, until I switched to slow release and the cravings just melted away. I still like drinking but the craving went away once I was no longer crashing and I've been so much better since.

- My advice to people is: if your circumstances don't preclude you (financially, culturally, etc.) drop a few inquiries to psychiatrists in your area. They will not laugh at you. They will not report you. Just say you think you have ADHD and you'd like professional help seeing if your self-diagnosis is correct and getting medication if so (which is why you need a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Therapists can't necessarily get you a prescription). Every medical professional I've worked with has been enormously helpful and understanding, your brain is lying to you when it says you're going to get arrested or something for just asking. That is dumb. That is desperation-brain, not reality.

Put out a few requests so if someone is overloaded or busy you have backups. You will have to do a couple scary professional emails or calls, maybe speak to your insurance, but I PROMISE you it is worth it. The light at the end of the tunnel is you have to do this one scary thing but the reward is this thing will never be scary again after.

And it is totally, totally worth it.

#adhd

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readbythestarlight · 3 years

Text

c2e123

Fuck y’all I’m so scared

Let’s just all really focus some positive energy and pray nobody dies

So like Lucien knew they were plotting right

But he’s also superstitious as fuck and for whatever reason doesn’t want to kill them yet

So like he lets them read the book to tie them to him right

Like insurance

[[MORE]]

Fjord’s like "this is fucked I hope there’s a good explanation for this"

And there’s NOT the only explanation is that they’re MORONS who read a book they shouldn’t have

Veth NO

Yasha is like nO

Yasha is so WORRIED

Things just start happening for them and now Beau is cursed and it’s so unfair

Not the diamonds!!

If you don’t have at least enough diamonds to resurrect at LEAST half the party then you don’t have enough don’t waste them

Guys you can’t cut off their limbs

Does HE see through them or does the Somnovum

Travis is enjoying this way too much

Caleb. FUCKING. Widogast. Do NOT look at the book and Yasha you need to SHUT UP girl.

Oh boys wolves

Oh boy something WORSE than wolves?

MOTHER

FUCKER

IS IT *THE* WHITE DRAGON?

Shit shit fuck

Okay good maybe it’s after the wolves

Oh no it’s

Oh noooooo

FUCK A DUCK

NOOOOOOO

I knew it I knew it was her fuck

If anything we’ll see how powerful/actually pathetic Lucien is now but

Fuck man

Fjord!! Babe!!

I hope they kick dragon ass and Lucien /fears/ them

I also hope the Tomb Takers don’t let them do all the damage, saving their own spells while letting the M9 exhaust themselves to make easier targets

Legendary action from Lucien?? But okay it’s just a hold type action thing??

It’s nice that the TT’s are actually helping

Beau being up on top of her still is bad

See okay you’d think that the dragon would be the worst thing to happen tonight but this does not explain why it’s gonna be an extra long episode so now I’m just trying to decide what will be WORSE than the dragon

...cone of... what...

72 points oh fuck

Cad: "I’m a one wolf wolf pack, come on." xD

DAMN Veth

78 points of damage!

85!! Even better

MATT

Oh thank god for not doing that to poor Yasha

True Love’s Heal

Okay so I’ve been avoiding social media all day so I have no idea what’s coming but apparently the episode is almost SIX HOURS?! And the dragon fight can’t possibly lay THAT’ much longer so y’all I am AFRAID

Right okay Beau’s gonna get swallowed yet, lovely

And now she’s trying to fly AWAY

L: “Let him have her” you FUCK

Yasha immediately like “I’m gonna go running”

The Tomb Takers suck confirmed

Like forreal I wanted them to kill Lucien anyway but now I just want them to kill him *with extreme prejudice*

Caleb’s like “I got you empire sis!!”

Oh OUCH

But good job, Caleb

I hope now they finally realize there isn’t any Molly left in him

Why kill Otis when he seems like possibly a partially decent person

Like fuck Cree and Lucien sure

Yasha like “oh yeah I forgot about this lance strapped to my back, let’s fuck up this dragon!”

YES Yasha good throw! Do some damage

lol okay not much but I like the “Don’t touch my girlfriend!!” vibes

Oh c’mon Matt let her rage throw a grenade xD

So many Nat 20s this fight

Which I’m sure means they’re gonna miss the Nat 20s later

Nice healing Caduceus!

wow it’s good that he healed her huh

Here she goooooooes

“If it’s going we’re gonna let it go—“

Ashley: “I summoned this bitch we’re gonna END her!”

I’m glad she’s gone. They can deal with her later.

Also fuck Lucien.

Yaaaaas Fjord call him out

lmao Jester

Also unfortunately he’s got a point I guess but he still fucking sucks

I don’t know who I want to get the HDYWTDT on Lucien but right now I’m leaning between Cad and Jester and Fjord

KISS

“Anything for my Fjord”

lmao Veth xD

F: “What, I’m mad for her!”

V: “That’s a thing now?!”

It’s just Dagon I hope

Dagon during the dragon fight just like “wtf” like is it actually worth getting paid at this point man

They keep saying his name and not GOING to Essek and it makes me sad

Would polymorph let him keep his chair??

Listen I want Essek here but at the same time I do NOT want Essek here during the longest goddamn episode of the series

Okay okay shit they’re REALLY close, if they’re going to get help then Dagon is gonna have to BOOK it and the. Essek is gonna have to make up his mind QUICK

Oh god I hope there’s no dreams

Okay good some answers to some questions

Is hot boi planning to help? - YES

Can the eyes be used against them? - unknown

Do the TT plan to sacrifice them? - ...Unknown but probably not?

We got a solid yes about Essek tho which makes me happy because it really cements that whole he’s loyal to them

He’s so USELESS I love him

I hope this whole his being useless thing doesn’t hurt he and Jester’s relationship tbh

Mother FUCK

they STOLE their BAG

Fucking fuck those fucking sons of rats

MOTHER

FUCKERS

Not the BAG

They haven’t even RESTED

So they really did just need the damn crest the whole time so if y’all had just sent it off

Fuck

I agree I want the bag back

I’m so fucking SCARED we can’t go into this fight with no rest and low spell slots

Oh god okay oh god here we go

He’s gonna cut their spells

Blood curse of the EYELESS tho?

“That’s like an insta death”

Y: “better not be, I’ll kill him”

What did he do to Cad’s STUFF??

What did he do to CAD?!!!!

Okay not just Cas cause Caleb too so it’s an area

Stay AWAY from my boy

Oh god oh god

FUCK Lucien

“Oh like a beholder?”

YES EXACTLY

Poor Caduceus is so stressed!!

Counter counter counterspell

I’m so stressed I haven’t been able to make myself type

But I swear that if they weren’t half spent from the dragon they’d have managed to whoop them

YES Fjord YES smart boy

Fuck you Lucien

Honestly if they’d had al their spells they’d have done so much better against him

Oh my GOD though that was TENSE

But nobody’s DEAD thank god

But forreal I really think that if they had all their spells and health they could have taken them

And the best part is NOW they can FINALLY go to Essek!!

Love you too, Matt!

#cr spoilers #critical role #critical role spoilers #emi watches critical role

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trutimeline · 3 years

Text

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

#idislikecispeople #dyscourse #transmed #truscum #tucute

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bunnyywritings · 4 years

Text

perfection

dabi x fem!reader

[a/n: I’m gonna be honest, I’ve been feeling super crappy lately. I’ve just been insecure about my body, my mental health has gotten somewhat worse and I’ve just been wanting to sleep and stay in bed 24/7 so I decided to write something with one of my comfort characters, I know having Dabi as a comfort character may seem weird but it was between him, tsukishima, kuroo, shoji, and shoto and I haven’t written for a villain yet so...yeah, enjoy- yours truly, bunnyy ps. sorry that was really personal lol ]

Being part of the LOV was a weird existence. Sure sometimes you’d wreak havoc for no reason but that came with a stern talking to from Shigaraki so it didn’t happen often. It usually just came down to planned attacks and whatnot. There were times where you all did ABSOLUTELY nothing. It varied from time to time.

The most recent ‘villainous activity’ you guys had done as a group was rob some bank because you were all short on money and that just seemed like the logical way to solve the problem, the bank had insurance...they’d be fine. It was a simple job, especially with Kurogiri’s quirk. Just a quick in and out. It was the first time in months that you’d been back at the LOV headquarters, which meant that you finally had your own room and it’s not that you minded sharing a room with Toga but you just needed your own space sometimes.

Lately, you had been feeling pretty down about yourself. You had a small slip up a mission or two ago but it seemed to be something you were constantly reminded of. Whether it was Shiggy passive aggressively telling you to ‘not screw up this time,’ or just being betrayed by your own brain when it brought up the memory at 2am and you spent the entire night and into the early morning just thinking about what you could’ve done better. It had been one of those nights so you had stayed in bed till 5pm. You weren’t sleeping though, you were just in bed drifting in and out of a sleep like state. You had gathered enough strength to shower and throw on a pair of sleep shorts and one of Dabi’s shirts.

As you walked out of the room, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and walked back to it. Frown creasing your forehead as you examined yourself. Looking at the way your lower stomach had bulged out a bit despite not having eaten an actual meal in a while or how ugly your thighs looked in shorts. The battle scars that littered the skin, as well as stretch marks and a bit of cellulite. Heaving a sigh, you ran a hand down your face and changed into some sweat pants before finally heading to the bar. Dabi was sat on a bar stool while nursing a glass of whiskey.

“Hey Giri, you have any food hidden back there?” You asked quietly as Dabi wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you into his side.

“I think I can whip you up some onigiri, how’s that?”

“Sounds great, thanks.” You smiled gratefully.

“I haven’t seen you all day baby.” His deep voice was comforting as his thumb rubbed circles into your hip.

“ ‘s cause I just got out of bed.” Your voice came out slightly slurred with fatigue.

“(Y/n), you look different? Did you gain weight?” The question made your eyes widen and turn to Twice, he was standing beside Toga. There was a somewhat thick silence before he realized. “Oh I’m so sorry! I don’t know why I said that?!” Panic clear in his voice. Now usually something like this wouldn’t have really bothered you since it was normal for Twice to say something out of pocket like that but today just wasn’t the day.

“Nevermind Giri, I think I’ll pass...sorry.” Your voice was quiet and cracking as you patted the bar top as Kurogiri had returned with the food you’d asked for and peeled yourself out of Dabi’s hold before trudging back to your room.

“You idiot! Why would you say that?! You know (y/n) is self conscious about things like that!” Toga scolded as she smacked Twice upside the head. Dabi had shook his head and grabbed the plate from where it was abandoned, reaching over into the cooler and grabbing two bottles of water.

“Thanks Kurogiri.” He muttered before he walked the familiar path to your room.

His heart broke as soon as he entered and heard your crying being muffled by your pillow. Setting his things down and locking the door, he knelt down by the head of the bed.

“What’s wrong, baby doll?” The quiet rumble of his voice and the feeling of a gentle hand brushing your hair back did absolutely nothing to quell your tears. He waited patiently, hand continuing to run through your hair. Once he heard your cries were starting to reduce to small sniffles, he got up and sat on the edge of the bed. His heart constricting painfully as he watched you hesitantly pull your face from the pillow and quickly wipe your tears with the back of your hand.

“What’s gotten my pretty baby so upset? Hmm?” He knew that it wasn’t necessarily Twice that was making you feel like this.

“Why are you with me, Dabi?” Your broken voice came out as a whisper.

“I’m with you because I love you, (y/n). You make me feel like no one or no thing ever has.” He responded without missing a beat.

“But I’m gross. I have these disgusting marks everywhere on my body, I’m not pretty...at all, I have issues and I’m just a horrible villain.” This caused him to chuckle a bit, which earned him a deadly glare from you.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I-I thought you were joking.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Come here.” He patted his lap. “Come on.” He urged. You slowly crawled over to him and hovered over his lap but he wasn’t having it. He gripped your waist and pulled you down onto him. “I’m sorry I laughed, okay? I really thought you were joking.” He swept a strand of hair behind your ear. He studied your conflicted features as you avoided his gaze, choosing to stare down at your lap.

“You wanna know what I think?” He asked as he tucked your chin in between his forefinger and thumb, tilting your head back to look at him. “I don’t care about any of that.” You bit your lip. “I mean, you’ve seen me. All of me. I have these nasty scars and staples all over my body. I have severe daddy and mommy issues. I still don’t have complete control of myself and I’m also a horrible villain. You think I have any right to judge anyone else?”

You had opened your mouth to argue but he cut you off, lips engulfing yours in a hungry kiss. You melted into it, the combination of his rough bottom lip and softness of his top one was dizzying as you reciprocated with the same hunger. He ran his hands down your sides, running his hands up and down your thighs.

“I love your thighs. I love how soft they are, how they feel when they’re wrapped around my head when I’m down in between them.” His blunt confession causing your cheeks to flush a deep crimson. “I love your tummy. I love how it feels against my scars when I wrap my arms around you.” He cupped your warm cheeks and placed a kiss on your forehead. “I love your mind. No matter how messed up you think you are, it’s beautiful. I love how whenever you and Kurogiri come up with a plan, you always make sure everyone is in a position where they’ll be safe if something goes wrong.” He pecked your lips three times. “I especially love that evil grin you get whenever you get excited while on a mission or the downright sinful look in your eyes whenever you get what you want.” His voice was filled with lust as he muttered the last part against your lips. You had tears slipping down your cheeks, ones that he instantly kissed away.

He pulled back to get a good look at you. “You know what I see when I look at you, baby doll? I see perfection. Nothing you say or do can change that for me because you’re stuck with me.” He smirked.

“I think I like the sound of that.” You wrapped your arms around him and cuddled into the crook of his neck. “Thank you Dabi.” You pressed kisses against the scarred skin of his collar.

“Anytime baby. You know I love you, right? You can lean on me whenever life gets rough. You’re never alone.” You ran your hands up his neck and into his hair as you sat up and looked him in those beautiful sapphire blue eyes. The eyes that you often got lost in. The ones that bring you comfort.

“I know.” He rested his forehead against yours as you spoke. “I love you too.”

It was a strange existence but it was never a lonely one.

#dabi x reader #lov x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #comfort #ugh i wish he was real #he could burn me alive and i'd thank him #but I feel like he'd give good hugs though #he's really soft here

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castiowl · 3 years

Text

i am so close to going full tanya harding on my psych practice’s knee so i just need to rant

first of all i’ve had 9 fucking MH professionals to deal with medication management in the last 2 years. NINE. the longest i had one was for about 7 months, which thankfully was the first one i had after my mental health crisis in 2019 so i was at least able to get my meds figured out and be pretty stable before the fucking Great Psychiatry Exodus where every single provider decided to leave the fucking practice they were at after one (1) whole session with me.

the last three i had, i told them my bad luck with providers and how they all leave the practice and i swear to god all 3 of them said “oh haha well i’m not leaving any time soon!” and then they left LMFAOO

the last 2 i had were from the same practice so i decided to switch to a different practice. especially after my most recent provider was only there for 6 months before leaving. clearly something weird going on.

new practice seems great. easy to use website and so easy to set up an appt. had my first appt, once again stressing that i’ve not had the same provider twice in a row in a year and a half now. provider was super nice and was like wow! that sucks! well i’m not going anywhere :-)

i get an email before my second appt saying i have $250 to pay still from my first session and if i don’t pay it, the appt will be canceled. what the fuck. then i figure out they don’t have my correct insurance information which is partially on me, but i always forget what falls under major medical vs behavioral health because i have two different insurances for those. so i call and explain and give them the correct info. i guess it was on me for not confirming that my appt wouldn’t be canceled….but i show up for my appt (online waiting room) and my provider is online but she never connects with me. i waited a full 45 mins and then she signs off. i was like ??? okay???

so i call the office and they’re like oh your appt was canceled because you didn’t pay. so first of all 1) you didn’t tell me the appt was canceled. fuck you for that. would’ve been nice to receive a fucking email or something so i don’t show up like a jackass 2) i explained that i called to fix the problem so what the fuck? and 3) now i’m out of medication so i need to see a provider…

(also just fucking annoying that my provider could clearly see i was signed in/waiting for her in the waiting room and didn’t bother to just send me a quick IM saying hey your appt was canceled! just let me sit there for a fucking hour)

office person is like well her next appt isn’t until july 26 (this appt was july 6) and i was like fucking great let’s do it. they sent me to the nurse to ask about medication. had to leave a message. whatever.

i ended up just paying the $250 because i didn’t want THIS appt to be canceled too. i figured once the claim went through i’d be refunded but i haven’t been home and my behavioral health insurance does everything through snail mail in the year 2021 :-)

i get a call from the nurse and she’s like oh yeah we can refill your Rx no problem so like finally some good news. but then i say i’m in florida and could they send it to the walgreens down here? and she’s like ohhhh we don’t send meds across state lines usually so i’ll have to ask your provider. excuse me? so no client can go on vacation for longer than their medicine allows? literally how is that okay? besides the fact that where i pick up my meds is none of their business. literally. like i could’ve had them send it to the walgreens in VA and then call walgreens to transfer it for me and they’d be none the wiser (i ended up doing this for one med because i was so over it). anyway. got my meds. it’s all good.

so my second appt rolls around today. everything is great. the balance was paid. i received a call friday confirming the appt.

however. lol. the portal they have stopped letting me log into the desktop version. my phone is fine. zero problems. but the exact same user name password on desktop says it’s wrong. i swear i checked it like 30 times. didn’t work. so i was like okay whatever i’ll just go straight to my provider’s online waiting room. i did so. logged in there. waiting. ten minutes past the appt i was like…..i swear to fucking god if they canceled on my and didn’t tell me again i’m gonna commit a crime. call the office. apparently if you’re on hold for more than 5 mins, they send you to voicemail. fuck that. i just called again. i get a person. yay.

i ask if she’s running late or w/e and the office person says i didn’t confirm the appt by logging into the patient portal. are you fucking kidding me? i haven’t received an email about this july 26 appt at all, let alone one telling me i need to do XYZ to confirm an appt. the phone call i got confirming the appt didn’t say to call back or go online. i literally had to hunt through my browser history just to find her waiting room address. (after logging into the portal after all this shit, there isn’t even a fucking link to the waiting room anywhere so idk where i was supposed to find that without already just knowing it).

i explain all this, how the portal isn’t working on desktop anyway (i literally put a note in my phone about it) and i was IN the waiting room on time so what the fuck. and the office person very helpfully was like oh well she can call you if there are any cancellations. okay. whatever. but i’m out of meds today so…. office person very shittily says “i will let her know” with this fucking tone like i’m the one who dropped the ball here. jesus fucking christ.

look folks i barely want to be alive as it is but having to fucking fight tooth and nail just to talk to a person so i can get the meds that make me not die is like. A FUCKING joke. i am the least flakey person ever and i look like an insane person who can’t do basic tasks to this clinic because their shit is so fucked up.

all this on top of the fact that my therapist is just. idk. the vibes have been way off and i just miss my old therapist so goddamn much especially with life returning to normal w covid and hey my dog has cancer! i’m just ready to throw in the towel.

#*#if you read this novel god bless you you’re insane #anyway psychiatrists can suck my whole ass

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theonetheycallhannah · 4 years

Text

The Treatment of Capt. Syverson- Chapter Three: Therapeutic Activity

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Summary: Tensions reach a boiling point during treatment one evening, Shane goes to her own veteran for advice, and takes the first step toward happiness…hoping beyond hope that everything doesn’t blow up in her face.

Masterlist with links to all parts HERE!

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: None, yet… ;) But maybe I should be putting language warnings in here…there are some bad words. And not to spoil but…there might be a bit of kissing in this one…

Author’s Note: Guys, I cannot stress to you enough how much I am enjoying telling this story. My goodness. To sort of combine my passions of writing and Henry with something I know so well like therapy (I’m a secretary like Heather, not a therapist), it really just makes me happy. The next chapter is already done, also, it was initially part of this chapter, but it felt too long, so I’ll be posting it separately later. I know, I’m a tease. Have Henry spank me. Lol.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

Tags:

@onlyhenrys

@cavillryarchive

@summersong69

@titty-teetee

@bloodyinspiredfuck

"This sounds…kinda dumb…" Sy expressed his thoughts on today's warm up with Shane.

"Oh, trust me, it looks even dumber than it sounds. But it works. And it's easier on your knees than doing it the right way. You ready?" he looked at the treadmill, inclined at 3% grade as if it was Everest itself, and looked back at her. "I'll start slow." she raised her eyebrows at him.

"You know just what to say to a girl." he teased as he stepped up, still gingerly, even after eight weeks of therapy. Crutches mercifully jettisoned two weeks ago. He was on his way to being his fighting fit self. With a foot on either track beside the belt, but facing away from the control panel, he waited for her to press start. He took a breath and nodded.

"Test the belt with your bad foot first, and then when you're ready, step down with it. Remember what I've told you about which foot should lead when ascending and descending stairs or hills?"

"Good go to Heaven, Bad go to Hell. So I go up with the good leg and go down with the bad leg."

"A+ student. Okay, when you're ready…any time…Sy, this is an hour session…I have to kick you out in 55 minutes…chop chop." she cajoled him, but he wasn't budging.

"It feels…weird going this way, Shane." If she had been a less kind person, she would have called it whining…she called it nothing, instead.

"I know. Do you need to walk backwards around the clinic a little more to get you used to that sensation?"

"Hell yeah. If that means you're gonna spot me like you did before…felt kinda like dancin'." it was a perfectly legitimate and above-board treatment strategy. They stood back to back, Shane guiding Sy as he practiced walking backward and pushing off with the extensor muscle group, which had been weak. Sy had suggested holding hands, but Shane had compromised with the idea to link arms. Not that she wasn't dying to hold his hand…she was. But that had not been the time. The time was still weeks away. At least.

"I was thinking I'd have you try it with Jordan. He's got a free hour right now. And I can assess your technique. How does that sound, Twinkle Toed Romeo?" Immediately he placed a tentative foot down onto the slow moving belt trying to adjust to the odd sensation of walking up a hill backward.

"Ah, so I now know that all I have to do to get you to do something silly is threaten you with Jordan. Filing that away for a rainy day."

"Come on, you're breakin' my heart, sunshine."

"Aww, don't be ridiculous. I've seen therapists do way more embarrassing things to their patients in the name of treatment."

"Tell me!"

"Sorry, but it's classified information. Protected under the Health Insurance Privacy and Portability Act. I could literally get fired for telling you, and there are way cooler things to get fired for!" She'd always said it. And she meant it. She didn't fool around when it came to HIPPA, and there was no way she was gonna lose her job over a stupid slip like that.

"Any examples of things you'd rather get fired for?"

She thought for a few minutes. She used to have a list.

"Hmm, telling off my bitch of a boss," he looked shocked at her use of a bad language word, which he'd never heard from her. She nodded. "Telling off an asshole patient," sleeping with a patient…

"What about sleeping with a patient?" It was late in the day, the only person still there was Heather in the office, and a few therapists still documenting. Nobody in the gym to hear him echo the thoughts in her head. As if he could read them as clearly as a page in a book. Large print. She looked at him in shock.

"Sorry. That was over the line."

"It was…but…"

"But?"

"But…it would not be the least cool reason to get fired."

"It wouldn't?" she shook her head, reluctantly.

"Especially if the patient was…amazing, and kind, and…fucking gorgeous…"

"Young lady, that language today, I have never!" he exclaimed clutching at his broad and beautiful chest.

"I know, but, Sy…this is all hypothetical, and theoretical, and IF I was GOING to get fired how would I CHOOSE for it to happen and WHAT policy I would go against. People don't just CHOOSE to be fired, you know?" she was nervous and rambling.

"You know what people also don't choose? Who they care about, and have feelin's for. Who they--"

"Don't finish that sentence, Sy." She couldn't hear him say the word he was going to say. She couldn't let him start that. Not when there was too much complicating their situation.

She walked off to her treatment room, needing some space. Some time.

She didn't get that space or time. Sy hobbled in behind her, looking like a man on a mission. And she knew from his war stories that his missions tended to be successful…even the one that got him his walking papers wasn't a total loss.

"Sy, you still had like, five minutes on the tr--"

His big hands found the sweet spot where her neck met her skull. He took a big breath and closed the distance between them, his lips landing light as feathers on hers, her soft skin welcoming the roughness of his beard, though everything else about the kiss was terribly gentle. Almost chaste. Even his beard wasn't so rough that she worried about beard burn…she'd be filing that away for later, as well. Against her willpower and better judgement but in full cooperation with her desires and instincts she began kissing him back, daring to deepen it by opening their mouths a bit, and sliding her hands up the back of his red tee that sported a black skull. All of his shirts were entirely too tight, but you'd never catch her complaining. Even after several months away from active duty and really, most activity at all, his body was still so solid and powerful.

"Ain't that a daisy…Fuck, I've wanted to do that since my first appointment." he chuckled, lightly.

"Sy…"

"Don't. Don't try to argue or tell me you don't feel it. This energy between us. I've seen it in your eyes, Shane. I've felt it when you touch me. It ain't nothin, sunshine. It's a whole lotta somethin'."

"I know, but I need this job. And I WANT this job. Being a therapist is the only thing I've ever wanted to do. Helping people. People like you. Getting them better. It's what I was meant to do. And there's no place like this in the area for me to treat such a diverse clientele and build my skill set. It's not without it's problems, but it's where I'm meant to be."

"I get that. And you should do what you were called to do. You're too good at this not to do it. But Shane, isn't it worth pushing back on some policy if it could mean you get to have some personal happiness, too?"

"I'm worried they'll make me choose." Actually, it was more than that. She was worried about which choice she'd make. Giving up a ten-year career with excellent benefits despite its pitfalls, or giving up someone she could hardly stop thinking about, who made her heart pound when he smiled, and who was rapidly shaping up to be someone she could see herself sharing a life with…making either choice terrified her for very different reasons.

"You shouldn't have to choose. Any boss who'd make you deny yourself what we could have just because of some ridiculous policy…well, they ain't worth the gas that brought 'em to work today. Y'understand me?"

She nodded, smirking at his idiom, "You don't know my boss."

"Well, maybe I oughta GET to know her, if it's like that. I have a way of throwin' my weight around, case ya hadn't noticed." he shot her a smug grin.

"Ya don't say?" she retorted, brimming with sarcasm, literally still wrapped in the evidence of said weight in the form of his muscular arms, warm and thick, encircling her. Even though she felt like her life was up in the air, she had never felt more safe. "I'll try to have a chat with her about it this week. Our schedules rarely align, and usually that's how I like it, but I'll try to move some things around if nothing naturally falls into place."

"I'll be happy to lend my voice or even come talk to her, if need be." he offered, ever the gentleman.

"I appreciate that, Sy, truly. But I think it would be best not to involve you unless it becomes absolutely necessary. We have several more treatments to get through today, though. You didn't finish on the tread mill, do you think you're warmed up enough?"

"Oh, darlin', I'm plenty warm." he grinned down at her sliding a hand down her side.

"Shit, am I gonna have to start being extra careful with what I say to you until this gets sorted?"

"I really doubt it'll matter, Shane. Ain't much you can say I can't make dirty." she could tell by the satisfaction on his face that this was a point of pride for him.

"Lay down and shut up."

"Yes, MA'AM!" he complied with a little too much enthusiasm. She didn't know whether to roll her eyes with amusement or grow increasingly feral…apparently there was room for both as long as she didn't act on the latter. Yet.

~~~~~~~~

She dismissed Sy for the day, instructing him to behave himself until she gave him the all clear, and even then, if she got the green light to see him outside of therapy, sessions would still be about getting him stronger, and not flirting. Or at least mostly. They settled on a 90/10 ratio by the end. She was a weak woman.

She went into the office where one of the senior therapists, Anita, was still charting and snacking on some pretzels.

"How was your day, Nita?" she asked affectionately. Anita had been her mentor since she started with the clinic over ten years ago, and was now part time, flexing toward retirement. She'd miss her.

"Oh, long, Miss Shane. As they tend to be more and more these days. What about yours?"

"Ah…just…nothin'." she shouldn't go into it all until she talked to Susan, their boss.

"Mmm, that's no nothing nothin', that's a something nothin'. Come on, kiddo. Spill." she offered Shane one of her pretzels and kicked out the chair next to her. Again, she was a weak woman. She took a pretzel, sat, and chewed it for a moment, collecting her words.

"What do you think about…starting relationships with patients?" she searched her reaction for any snap judgement or emotion, but only a narrowing of her eyes occurred.

"Is this about that Captain Sexypants who just left?"

"I'm going to kill Heather. I'm not the one who came up with that nickname and I'm not the one who started the whole having feelings conversation. I was going to be miserable until he was discharged, at least."

"Why would you need to make yourself miserable, Shane?"

"Because the policy. About dating patients."

"Technically the policy only says you shouldn't treat family/close friends if you feel you wouldn't be able to maintain objectivity or would be uncomfortable yourself. But that you should disclose any relationship to your supervisor for review."

"See, what's Susan gonna say?"

"Who cares? The policy is the law. And the board of directors governs the policy. Not her. Tell her in an email if you can't work out a time to talk to her before you see him next. Hell, I sent my boss a memo back when I started dating Ron. And look at us now! 20 years strong."

"No way!?" Shane was flabbergasted. She had never known that Anita's husband Ron had once been her patient.

"Oh yes. I wasn't long out of PT school, my first husband had passed away and I needed an income, so I got my PT license and about a year into working here, Ron got put on my schedule. I knew from the eval, he was meant for me. So I typed up a memo, sent it to Morton, our boss at the time, and told Ron I was free on Friday after work."

"Sy just…I don't know, we have this…connection…a spark. I've never felt it with anyone else."

"Are you concerned that seeing him socially would affect how you treat him here?"

"I'm more worried keeping my feelings for him bottled up while I treat him will get so distracting I'll become less effective."

"Well, then, if you get any push back, tell Susan that." Anita said. "Just be forthright. Honest. And speak with integrity. She'll have no cause to refute it, then. And send it tonight."

"Okay. Thanks Anita. You're the best."

~~~~~~~~~

Shane spent too long, probably an hour, at least, drafting her email to Susan. It read:

To: Susan DeForrest

From: Shane Benton

Subject: Re: Treatment Policy

Susan,

I wanted to bring to your attention a situation that has presented itself with one of my patients. I have been treating him almost exclusively for several weeks now, apart from my week on PTO, and he has progressed to both of our satisfaction as well as the ordering physician. However, we have come to be quite friendly and he has expressed great interest in seeing me outside of therapy. This is something that I too would like to engage in, and I plan to accept the next time I speak with him.

From my understanding of the policy, the only thing that would prevent me from treating him as a social acquaintance would be my own comfort level and ability to remain objective. I have every confidence that my objectivity regarding his case will remain intact. I am also completely comfortable with it, and if that changes, I will transfer him to another therapist. Furthermore, I have no doubts that I will be able to maintain the highest level of professionalism throughout our treatments.

Thank you, and if you feel we need to discuss any of this further, please let me know.

~Shane Benton, DPT

And send…whew. She needed a big glass of wine tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Up Next: Chapter Four- E-Stim

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prose-for-hire · 4 years

Text

A rose between two thorns

Pairing: Spike x fem!reader; Angel x fem!reader

Request: Not requested. Been sitting in my drafts forever I wasn’t sure about posting. Reader works at Wolfram and Hart and knew Angel and Spike from Sunnydale. They’re both vying for reader’s affections but the pair soon find out her attention is elsewhere.

A/N: S5 Angel. Spike and Angel in a pissing contest over someone? Say it ain’t so. Reader is popular with men lol. Also, I’d say Spangel was subtext, but it’s just plain text really.

You noticed something was off as soon as you came in that morning. There was an unusual vibe, which, was saying something seeing as you worked at a mystical law firm. You had taken over PA duties from Harmony, considering Angel and the others trusted you a bit more than her. You were human, but you had faced anything the Hellmouth had thrown at you with the others you met in high school. You had been there at the final battle of Sunnydale, just about surviving and then moving to LA to become a receptionist. Which had been the job you had kept applying for without luck when you lived in Sunnydale. Sometimes, life does have a way of working itself out even though you might have to stake a few uber vampires or sell your soul to a mystical law firm for it to happen.

You caught Fred hissing something to Angel before leaving his office, smiling at you kindly before she left. She also stopped and pulled on Spike’s sleeve and brought him down to her lab with her, leaving you waving your good morning greeting. You went through your usual routine, eventually walking up to Angel’s office, knocking first before smiling at him, a newspaper, some files and a mug of blood in your hands.

“Hey, I’ve got the files you asked for and I warmed your blood up to the temperature you like” You smile pleasantly, setting the items down, you were really grateful to Angel for giving you a job. He had always been nice to you (apart from that brief period in high school where he tried to violently kill you). “Thanks, y/n, what would I do without you, huh?” “Probably getting double-crossed by Harmony given half the chance” You smiled and he laughed a little too hard at your flippant comment. It shocked you, his face rarely twisted into a smile let alone a real laugh. You smiled along, a little perplexed at his change in attitude. “How you doin’ then? I mean adjusting- you know, outside the Hellmouth” “It’s been okay, it’s surprisingly similar here. Kind of a home from home” You smiled as he nodded along, as if he were being given guidance from an invisible director on how to visibly show how interested he was. If you were honest, it was a bit weird, “Are you okay Angel?” “yeah- why? What’s up? Have I- are you comfortable?” “Um, I’m at work, so comfort isn’t really the main reason I’m here… mostly I come in to see your face” You joked, grinning at him as he smiled a little. He noticed you were trying to put him at ease and realised he had probably come across a bit strange.

You walked back out of the office smiling as Angel watched you walk out, mentally face-palming. His luck with potential partners had been pretty hopeless and you made him nervous in a way he wasn’t really used to. Fred had enough of him skirting around you so had given him non-negotiable advice. She told him to be kind, listen and to make sure he showed a genuine interest.

You sat down, sifting through paperwork and trying to keep yourself away from the half-read magazine under your desk that you liked to sneak glances at when Angel was out. You were interrupted from looking busy by a British accent.

“Alright, pet? That’s a very pretty outfit you got on, it new?” Spike asked, leaning over your desk as he waited for word from the others on the latest case. He enjoyed spending time with you though, he had tried all his best lines out on you so he had resorted to just complimenting anything about you he could find.

“No, you’ve seen me in this before” You reminded him, pressing hold on a few calls. He tried to recall, a frown on his face, “That time you could walk about in the sun? I was going to a job interview - you tried to bite me and you told me I looked like a meringue” you reminded him.

“See? I even liked it then” He offered.

“You were being rude then, Spike. But thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it – really” You assured him, noticing his furrow as he thought back to how he had been before he got his soul. Angel saw Spike talking to you through the glass of his office. He groaned, knowing that Spike was trying to sweet talk you again. He got frustrated when Spike muscled in on the people he was interested in. You enjoyed the attention you got from them both, but it started to get a bit annoying when you were all in the same room. They tended to actually ignore you for each other, always trying to out-do the other. It was tiring and it distracted you from your work, but you couldn’t help still being fond of them both when you could speak to them normally. Spike had been talking and you were smiling along, he had a good sense of humour and he had been making jokes about some of the people walking past that made you snort loud. He grinned at this, segueing into what he had really wanted to ask.

“You got plans tonight then, love? ‘Cause I was thinkin-” Spike started, but Angel had come up behind him to interrupt his advances.

“Stop bothering my employees, Spike. Y/n’s very busy”

“Yeah, she’s been holding all your calls. Takes a lot out of our girl pressing buttons all day, I was thinking I’d treat her later-”

For some reason, both of them became double confident when they were together in the room, despite them both being weirdly reserved around you recently. There was a tension and both of them were competing together. Enjoying the competition more than your company, it seemed. You tuned their squabbling out, a talent that should come in your job description as you started to type up a few notes from a case.

“You know he used to parade around in an SS jacket?” Angel cut in, crossing his arms and standing nearer to you behind your desk. Spike glared at him.

“Yes, I heard when I was tied up almost choking to death – this job should really come with better health insurance”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I can look into it” Angel suddenly said, straightening up and remembering he was actually your boss.

“Don’t think you can get in her knickers just by flashing your big CEO title around and get her better health insurance” Spike warned, turning to you briefly to assure you that, “I can get you health insurance, love, just tell me where to point my game face”

“Excuse me, into my what?” Your eyes widened, it had been escalating but this was just rude. This is where you worked.

“Not now, Y/n, Spike’s being an idiot for, oh, the hundredth consecutive year of his un-life” You glared at them both, took your jacket and left to go and vent to someone in a different department. This was typical. Fighting over you as if you were some prize to be won. They like you but apparently, they were more interested in each other. You were just their most recent way to get one over on the other and make the tension almost unbearable.

You only returned late afternoon having avoided the vampires for the rest of the day. Angel and Spike looked a bit embarrassed as they saw you slamming angel’s mug on his desk, splattering blood on one of his files. Spike came into the office and the three of you looked at each other in an icy silence. They both opened their mouths at the same time, then stopped realising the other was going to speak. “I need to leave early is that okay?” You ask before they tried to apologise again. “Yeah, sure. Why?” Angel asked. “I’ve got a date” you shrugged, walking out with them both staring after you. They watched you through the glass and saw Gunn come up behind you and ask if you were ready to go. You smiled as he asked about your day with a genuine interest, listening to what you had been up to. You chatted and you even giggled a little and the vampires scowled at the way you seemed to light up in a way neither of them had been able to get out of you.

“What the bloody hell has Dr franken-chip got that we don’t!?” Spike muttered referring to the upgrade Gunn had to become a lawyer, “If I’d known that’s what she was into I’d have kept mine in a sodding jar and brought her home on the promise of touching it”

“Spike. Stop” Angel warned as they both watched you leave, Gunn’s hand on the small of your back.

“No, I mean it! What does he have!?”

“A life?” Angel sighed, before stating, “This is good. I’m happy for them”

“No you’re bloody not, Mr tall dark and forehead has to look for another chit to obsess over now”

“You’re one to talk, Spike. I found the poems you wrote” He muttered.

“You bloody git-” Spike started but Angel had already stalked out of his office to get to one of his cars before Spike could catch up to him. Spike started to follow him out before he could get much of a head-start though. How come through everything it was always each other they ended up with at the end of the day?

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