#and now im going to work and then being social so like.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

you know i've been thinking about the consequences of malleus's actions in book 7 and i realized how much he's fucked everyone over including his grandma. bc like other than the fact that he ob'd (which literally has NEGATIVE connotations one of which being is idk ""UNSTABLE"" which isnt necessarily a good look for a crown prince is all im saying) he's literally causing terrorism (??? can you call it that idk how else to call it) which is going to setback his grandma's efforts (and lilia's and baul's, and every supporter of his and his family) in keeping peace in their kingdom and the favor of the humans towards the fae. Like. i feel so bad for grandmother draconia rn i can only imagine the stress and pressure she's under.

Then theres also aside from PHYSCIALLY compromising everyone's healths in sage island (BECAUSE THE MAJORITY ARE HUMANS OR AT LEAST THEY DONT LIVE AS LONG AS THE FAE). He's also fucked everyone mentally twice over!!!! By booting them straight into a world where none of their problems exist. Now that wouldnt sound bad if it weren't for the fact that dreams have to end, and life isnt kind. It rarely ever is, and i can only imagine how distraught i would be if i were to say, hypothetically lost someone a year before and the wound is so fresh and raw and, in my dreams, they never died and everything is okay, then i wake up and realize that it was just that. A dream, they are still gone and i wish i never woke up which would be a LITERAL DEATH SENTENCE. This isnt just an event that takes place in NRC either BUT THE WHOLE ISLAND and that domain is GROWING, GROWING. I can't imagine just how many would be so emotionally ruined after this. Like.....

If Malleus does not suffer the consequences of his actions istg i will be so pissed, at least REMOVE HIM FROM THE PREMISE OR SOMETHING GODDDDDDD this cannot be remedied with a slap on the hand!!!!!

(Note: Sorry for the long rant. I felt the need to get this out of my chest bc i dont mind malleus's archetype actually nor do i actually hate him, bc i enjoy him interacting w other characters a lot (my fave ever vigenette is him giving deuce the equivalent of minecraft diamon for fixing a retrobit gaming toy) BUT GOD DOES HE MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL)

Yeah, I do feel like the scale of Malleus's actions cannot be understated. I know it's kind of a fandom joke that the OB boys are left off with a slap on the wrist + maybe some social ramifications at school, but this is the ONE time in the main story where things are getting super big and the effects could be cripplingly long-lasting.

I don't know if TWST will seriously address the consequences after book 7, but I sure hope they do!! There is a lot of interesting ground to cover (many points which this anon has already brought up) in a follow-up main story arc or the next book.

For example:

Malleus obviously has to regain the trust of his peers and staff. He didn’t really have it before but now has to work twice as hard to make connections since he just took a drastic action that confirmed the rumors some were already spreading about how he’s a monster.

He’s the sole heir to the throne and has just betrayed the trust of the people of Briar Valley. How are they feeling about him now? Do they still trust him to lead them?

How does this impact their relations with other countries (since Malleus himself stresses how he represents Briar Valley)? This is a problem visible on a global scale, and surely this would damage their rep with other nations, particularly the predominantly human ones. It’s setting back what is hundreds of years of trying to fix the broken trust between their races.

Malleus’s UM potentially puts his victims in physical harm; in book 7, Ortho suggests that since everyone is sleeping, their bodies are not getting the food or water they need. As a result, they may physically waste away and then perish. (We have seen that there are sleep blessings that keep people sleeping for hundreds of years without detriment to the blessed though, such as the one cast on Silver—so we cannot be entirely sure if Ortho’s theory is correct or not.)

There is the possibility that Malleus’s dreams may traumatize or retraumatize his victims, particularly those with deep rooted troubles. An example of this is Idia, who had suffered the loss of his brother when he was like… 8 years old??? But then in his dream, Idia is living a happy false reality that Ortho never died. When he finally comes to this realization, he has to relive the trauma of the discovery all over again and breaks down sobbing. We also see in the most recent book 7 update that Vil had to face the evilest aspects of himself and a dark reality; Rook became very emotional upon waking himself. Admittedly, Idia and co. coped with it well enough—this is proof of their character development and the strength of the new friendships they’ve formed. However, all the people on Sage’s Island/Twisted Wonderland may not react so positively or be so accepting of their cruel realities.

Again, just the overall moral dilemma of one person robbing all of Sage’s Island (and soon all of Twisted Wonderland) of their autonomy.

Potential extra work for STYX and whichever countries Malleus’s magic manages to spread to (repairing any physical damage caused by the thorns + mental damage done to those that fell asleep). That’s money, time, and resources that aren’t going toward other everyday endeavors.

How will Malleus himself mentally and emotionally cope with what he has done? Is he going to show remorse and shame? How does he plan on rectifying his actions, if at all?

Will this change how his dorm members + family view him? For example, will Sebek become disillusioned with his liege/realize Malleus is not as perfect as he seems? Will Maleficia blame herself for not being there for Malleus? Will Lilia feel guilty for not teaching Malleus right from wrong? Etc, etc, etc.

I’d honestly love to read all of these! 🤔 It would add a lot to the lore and history of Twisted Wonderland, as well as serve as motivators for Malleus to change, “be better”, and actually earn the respect he’s so used to being handed by default. This would be huge for him, especially seeing as he has not really faced significant backlash or consequences for any other missteps he was responsible for or involved in. (I know I bring this one up a lot, but Endless Halloween Night is one such major example.)

#twst #twisted wonderland #Malleus Draconia #book 7 spoilers #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #notes from the writing raven #Idia Shroud #Ortho Shroud #Ignihyde #Maleficia Draconia #Sebek Zigvolt #book 6 spoilers #Silver #Lilia Vanrouge #Diasomnia #Vil Schoenheit #Rook Hunt #book 7 part 8 spoilers

[drdemonprince]

how did you know that seeking institutional help was the right step to take?

For four years I was always in high levels of care. When I transitioned out of that, I was a "revolving door patient" to ip units living with a carer the rest of the time. I sometimes self-harmed or did other actions intentionally to get hospitalized during that time. I'm going to focus on mostly that because I don't want to get into the weeds of how different psych treatment programs are categorized and run.

I would say that my goal of being hospitalized usually was to change something in my outpatient life - let my therapist know I wasn't willing to do something, get my companions to let me go for walks alone, whatever. I'd get hospitalized or call the cops on myself or send scary texts to my therapist and then try to end my life, eventually being stopped. I didn't want to die, but if I could prove to them I was willing to, they'd listen.

Another person mentioned a desire for closeness+physical touch, and that was a huge part of it for me. i even got restrained sometimes just because I wanted any touch, which is something commonly heard from incarcerated people. I had certain nurses and other staff who I saw as my family, calling my therapist "dad" and interacting in a needy, childlike way with floor staff.

I also liked how much it pared down my life. I was in college at the time, and found the social habits of the other students confusing and overwhelming, so I'd get hospitalized to miss class.

what helped you trust the professionals or the institution enough for it to be beneficial to you?

i wouldn't say I trust any of the institutions, but some staff earned my trust. I was a scary mean noncompliant patient so the few who actually bothered to get to know me were usually moments away from some kind of burnout where they realized all this shit sucks.

One of the things they did that earned my trust was to share about their own mental health or addiction history. This is encouraged in sud places, but usually VERY discouraged in psych units, moreso the higher level of care it is.

Another big thing was to allow me to break rules or break them themselves. My ex-therapist used to meet with me for extra time, give me my DVD player when I wasn't allowed, etc. and it felt like he saw me as equal. Turns out he sucks. but. during the time he was treating me he definitely helped me a lot with my thinking patterns, so the trust still ended up benefiting me, even if the relationship didn't always. He also talked A LOT about his family and life outside of work, and showed me pictures, and I even met his dog once.

for me this is an example of why therapists are kind of. not great? because he earned my trust enough to help me, I was at his defense. I felt like not getting better was something I was "doing to him", and his displays of sadness (once something I'd considered a positive aspect of his self disclosure) became a way to manipulate me into the hospital when I didn't want to go, without having to resort to force or law. i agreed with the assertion of psychology that he knew me better than I know myself, and gave every part of my personality, personhood, to the medical model.

so yes it helped as in now when I'm suicidal or about to bpd-style destroy my every relationship I think "play the tape forward what happens next" and don't. which is lame bc it means most of the people who treated me get to leave patting themselves on the back about how well im doing now.

which kinds of institutions have been *less* traumatic than the others?

A few times I got to live in supportive group home style places, and those are kind of nice! It was cool to be in a place surrounded by other mentally ill people. Much less lonely. In general, places that let you outside independently, let you access food independently (e.g. no staff in the kitchen), and let you keep some secrets from staff are the best. My quality of life was 100% better when all the program heads knew we were vaping in our rooms but just let it happen unless someone started setting off alarms. Ditto with like, being able to stay up late on Devices.

Having that independence, a place for my sense of self other than being a patient, was sooo sooo helpful.

is it sometimes worth simply not being able to act on the ideation, even if it means putting up with lots of institutional bullshit?

I didn't find the hospital particularly good at getting me to not act, instead they just prevented the worst consequences. All three hundred stitches I got for self-harm were while I was institutionalized. But like, my nerve damage is less than it could've been. I am not sure how to evaluate if that's better than having just died, because I have no idea how much the institution itself caused self-harm and suicidality.

all things being equal, would it always be better to be able to stay at a friend's house instead?

yes

if you could get 24-7 company from a loved one, would that be better?

yes. however. i think it would be good if people had some information about how to talk to suicidal people. like... i forget the training. but its similar to what they teach helpline volunteers. thats its ok to say suicide. to ask if they have a plan. to ask if theyd be willing to get rid of the means. etc.

SORRY IF THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO READ

this is a wealth of information, thank you!

[carlos-in-glasses]

The Notorious C-I-G

💌 🍄 📚 🏜️ 🐝 (you don’t have to answer this one if you don’t want, I already know it’s me 🤭)

Lemon...right?

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?

Darn you for making me look! 248!

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Answered this one here and here but here is another: After Andrea met TK and really started opening up her heart and mind to Carlos being gay and in love with another man, she began seeking out queer art, books, shows, so she could learn more about the community her son is a part of. Carlos recommends and lends her things! I touch on this in my fic Wrestling Angels.

📚 ⇢ what’s the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

I didn't have to say anything. He knew I was shaking.

🏜️ ⇢ what’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when an aspect or overall theme leads a reader to discuss something and it gets a bit more personal and chatty. Fire Island and Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines led to comments in which people shared their memories and feelings about the AIDS crisis and about 9/11 respectively. I guess it makes it seem like the fic has a bit more 'social impact' in a way. It's quite amazing when that happens.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

Haha @lemonlyman-dotcom... right? You have been so supportive and friendly from the beginning - the beginning being pre-tumblr when you were leaving such lovely comments on my fics. When I saw you'd set up your tumblr I was so happy to be able to interact with you on here too. And now look!

And @thisbuildinghasfeelings - you were one of the first people I spoke to on here and your kindness and enthusiasm not just towards my writing is just incredible and I feel very lucky you're here.

@heartstringsduet your comment on Afterglow of a Supernova basically changed my life in that it made me instantly more confident in my writing, like it represented a turning point in how I felt about it, and you've always been in my corner. And you've made art for my fics???!!!

@goodways you have been so lovely about my fics I feel like I can never thank you enough and your comments always make me laugh and make me think. Your feedback always means the world to me.

@herefortarlos your enthusiasm for my fics, all fics and this fandom is a thing of beauty and so inspiring.

@welcometololaland you were one of the first people to ever tag me in anything and I remember it vividly because I couldn't believe it haha. Your comments are always so hilarious and make me feel like I've done something right, and without you I wouldn't have written I Was Thinking About Your Mouth, so I am forever grateful for that and for you being such a good sounding board when I complain about work!

@cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut mate, you are divine and the fact that you spend any time beta'ing my fics when they are still kinda hot messes is wild to me. Thank you as well for your kindness and generosity!

@im-overstimulated-and-im-sad you are a delight and your comments are like a balm to my soul!

@reyesstrand Also from really early on you were leaving such encouraging comments on my fics and including me in WIP tags and things and I'm so grateful and forever awestruck.

@paperstorm I always cherish in particular how incredible you were about Fire Island (and When Soulmates Swim recently!), and how you helped so much in my hour of need when the whole scary situation around Afterglow of a Supernova happened. Thank you!

There are other people too of course but I worry I'm banging on a bit too much like I'm at the Oscars and the music is going to play over me talking so I just want to wrap up by saying thank you to everyone who has read my fics and commented and left kudos - I've said it before and I'll say it again, it really does blow me away that you're giving your precious free time to my stories in that way.

#ask #cig answers #writers truth & dare ask game

[sun-stricken]

Hello. I absolutely love your Fairy Tail head-canons, especially about demon slayer Gray. Feel free to take or leave these little ideas. Always love when you post <3

~

Imagine Team Natsu has to rent a vehicle or something and they require actual legal paperwork like a birth certificate and address or something like that (more than just “guild business! Gonna need this!”). Lucy doesn’t want to rent it because there is no way she’s going to be responsible for the inevitable damage. Erza, being the leader and a good friend volunteers. A few minutes later she comes back out, puzzled.

Erza: “why would they need a birth certificate? Shouldn’t me being present be proof enough of my existence?”

Gray starts snickering in the background. Natsu goes in next but comes out even earlier than Erza, cause at least Erza had a probably legal address at Fairy Hills, Natsu on the other hand lives in a house in the woods.

By the time Wendy goes in the receptionist is exasperated. “Yes I understand you are with Fairy Tail but that isn’t until page three of the paper work. None of you have made it past the first page.”

Gray finds this all very amusing.

Lucy: “Since you find it so amusing why don’t you go register, Gray!?”

Gray: mutters something

Natsu: “What do you mean you’re legally dead?!”

Cause you know, Ur just found a kid (the only survivor) and just decided to keep him. Oh, no official rescue crews didn’t show up until two days later? My kid now :)

The search and rescue teams never found any survivors in Gray’s old town so everyone was pronounced dead. The magic council or whoever is in charge of that stuff is also disorganized enough that no one realized that Gray Fullbuster is both a famous wizard and supposedly dead. So, just, Gray technically being considered legally dead the entire time he was at Fairy Tail.

~

Also, the slayers all going out on a job together(the dragon slayers had to drag Gray). The job turns out to be a trap (surprise!) and the floor just opens up revealing a giant vehicle.

Dark mage: “Ha-ha! I have bested the dragon slayer! The most powerful mages-“spots Gray just chilling, perfectly fine and not motion sick. “what are you doing?” Cause the guy was planning to capture dragon slayer, not whatever a demon slayer was (the dark mage didn’t even know demon slayers were a thing). Gray defeats the dark mage but holds it over Natsu’s head for a week.

After that anytime a large group of dragon slayers takes a job together they take Gray along for “extra security during transportation” or just extra security in general.

I also head-canon that each type of slayer magic has its own unique weakness. Dragon slayers get severely motion sick. God slayers are claustrophobic. Demon slayers cannot handle sweets. If Gray gets even a whiff of cake or any other dessert his gag reflex acts up and he gets really nauseous and other stuff like that. He of course hid it at first (he was afraid Erza would disown him) but eventually everyone learned about the weakness of demon slayers. Natsu teases him about it but never pushes it too far to the point of accidentally making Gray really sick.

Anyways, sorry for the long ask. Feel free to expand on anything. Always love some good slayer bonding head-canons and just Fairy Tail head-canons in general. <3

This was so much fun to make tbh so domt apologize, i love long asks <3 and thank for for what you said ant my posts! theyre fun to make so im glad ppl enjoy them

Oh, you have no idea how often ive though about Gray being legally dead, my personal favorite scenario is him trying to fix it and prove himself alive but cant

“How the fuck would i know my social security number??? i was eight years old! i had no reason to know!!!”

There was no dna or finger-print records of him or his family so he couldn’t prove it that way either. Apparently, declaring someone born or dead is easier than someone ‘resurrected’. To the law Gray of Isvan is dead and although Gray of Fiore bares similarities, they are two different people.

But ALSO to the law Gray of Fiore doesnt exist bc he has no birth certificate. And while hes adamant, he has no real proof beyond his word he is Gray Fullbuster of Isvan.

So basically, According to the law, Both Gray Fullbuster of Isvan and Fiore are dead and never existed, respectively.

tbh this sounds like an identity crisis waiting to happen, but what else is new with him

Erza probably tried to fix it after she was told bc she legally didnt exist for a minute either (never was filed as a real person, she was able to file for a late birth certificate on account that she wasnt claiming to be a ‘separate’ person and also Makarov did it for her) (dont ask why he didnt for Gray, i like plot holes). But quickly realized their situations were very different, him waiting over a decade to check in as a survivor with the proper authorities definitely weakened his case considering he was running around free before he decided he needed a birth certificate.

But hey, as long as he doesn’t need to rent something, or get a license or id, or work somewhere beyond Fairy Tail, or get married, or, god forbid, die again, he should be fine!

i wonder if he would be considered a ‘john doe’ if he actually died again since they have ‘no’ birth records

This also makes games like ‘two truths and a lie’ amazing

“alright so, im legally dead, i legally dont exist, and ive never physically died before” “Gray what the hell do you mean” “Guess the right one and ill tell you” “WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN THOUGH??”

i love everything to do with the ‘dragon slayers + gray’ dynamic

‘Extra security’ just turns into Gray babysitting a bunch of rambunctious dragons for hours. seriously, get this guy a reward for how he hasnt killed or maimed any of them yet.

Imagine them trying to convince Gray to walk to their destination instead of taking the train

“Its not that far!!” “its fucking 5 hours by train, How long do you think itll take to walk? Why would even you pick this job if you knew how long the ride would be??” … “nobody looked..” “are you actually serious.” … “oh my fucking god”

and thats the story of how one Demon slayer ended up having to babysit 4 very pitiful looking Fairy Tail Dragon slayers on a train. Dude had to drag them off it once it stopped too.

His side career of ‘Dragon Slayer Babysitter’ only gets harder when they realize holy shit! cold compresses can help nausea! and what do they have? a walking cold compress.

Taking a train trip with them just means second hand nausea AND embarrassment, and absolutely no personal space. A dream come true.

At least he gets to hold it over their heads

Tbh i like the irony of Dragon Slayers being motion sick because, yk, dragons can fly, so my hc for side effects for God Slayers and Demon Slayers were along the same lines

God Slayers being wide open space or flying since Gods are like the epitome of freedom? all knowing and have complete reign over everything, But claustrophobia works so much better for that same reason. It would cause extreme panic and rash decisions

And Demon Slayers was the dark because demons are supposed to be these evil creatures who thrive in the dark n stuff? basically it would send a Demon Slayer into a paranoid spiral.

But sweets being a weakness instead is such a silly thing that im gonna take it and run

Gray never cared for sweets in the first place, gave him a stomachache, but now he has to walk away from Erza mid conversation if she decides to indulge, which is almost everyday. She was absolutely heartbroken and devastated when the weakness was revealed, it was such a dramatic reaction one wouod think she was the one with the new weakness

When Gray pokes fun at Natsus motion sickness he’ll go on about how Gray is gonna have the lamest parties since he cant handle even the smell of sweets, especially cake.

A terrible realization for everyone involved with him, on par with when Gray realized he wouldnt be able to have ice cream comfortably again, thats like a staple for ice mages

heart wrenching, truly

#fairy tail #sun strickens ft #sun stricken answers #gray fullbuster #theres like a hundred ppl me mentioned vaguely #so heres the ones by name #natsu dragneel #erza scarlet #makarov dreyar #fairy tail headcanons #demon slayer gray #fairy tail slayers #i may make the legally dead thing a whole post #i have so many scenarios for it #fairy tail incorrect quotes #i mean theres a few #saddest bday party bc the treats would have to be outside and away from him #they just stick candles into a steak or smth #imagine the dragons piled on top of gray so they can cool down #he just stares at the ceiling wondering if he can put ‘i tamed 6 dragons and brought them nack to full health’ on his resume

[rodeoromeo]

and its nobodys fault ! never is

#never ever is. i want to stay here with you where its safe neil young #i have the most fun day planned where i spend money i dont have and then go break into the neil young concert again. for tomorrow okay. #and today i got shit DONE i called unemployment and worked out something weighing on me and i caught up with riverdale #and now im going to work and then being social so like. #i will not have time to stop and make my brain work at all!!!!! so its gonna be great . #op

[inkskinned]

i turn 29 on july 1st. i feel like i make a lot of these notes to myself, to check in. hi, me, here's what's happening.

hi, me. hi, you, too, if you keep reading. here's some rules i have been following:

when a book is bad, i put the book down. i choose something i like instead. when i don't like a movie, i don't make myself watch until the end. i care less and less what people think about me and focus more on being a good friend.

for the 6 months or so, i've been asking people what they think should be my next book or tv show. i ask them where i should go on a walk next week. i ask them what food i should try next, what hobby. and then i write it down in front of them.

the truth is some stuff slips through the cracks. but most of the time? within two weeks, i get to send my favorite kind of text - so i tried the thing you were talking about and !

i have a new policy for split-second choices - it's better to try it. i have social anxiety. i have to talk myself into doing many things. i am constantly battling the desire to run away as far as my feet will take me. and then i stand up and i do the thing anyway. i make myself act and dance and sing. sometimes, yes, i know-immediately never again, i hate this. but most of the time - i just have fun with it.

i have a new mantra - nobody is scorekeeping. at the end of my life, there will be no grand reading of how many calories i'd been eating. no reviews on how many boring documentaries i forced myself through, no calculation on how many hours i endured an extremely dull educational podcast. and so what if i try karaoke and i don't actually nail it? so what if i stumble over my words while trying to make a public announcement? so what if i wear something too-showy to go to the grocery store? nobody there knows me, and: nobody's keeping score.

life doesn't resolve with a grade (i know, i was as shocked as everyone else when i realized it). i am not falling behind, because there's no curriculum to life that i should be following. there are no checkpoints; nobody is making sure i have a fully-furnished life resume. i am just here for as long as the earth will have me, and i get to decide what makes me happy.

i don't have a partner or a house or anything that is supposed to belong to people-my-age. i spend most of my time focusing on being kind, compassionate, ready to listen without restraint.

and honestly? i feel good. like actually. i kind of like it this way.

#the really ironic thing #is that the less i care what people think of me #the more friends i have #the more i get along with people easily #19 year old me would kill me for saying this bc she HATED when people said ''stop trying'' #but it was that i wasn't trying to be their friend #i was trying NOT to be ME #i went from being like ''i think im too different for people to ever like me'' #to a decade later being like #'' ah i'll be okay i get along with pretty much everyone '' #it was true about food too #i wasn't kind to my body and thought it could make me look a certain way #if i was pretty it would make up for the way i was internally very ugly #but im now in probably the best shape of my life #and i have pretty much kicked my eating disorder to the curb (goodbye die in a hole) #bc i spend SO much more time seeing the chance to work out as a FUN THING #bc i don't make myself ''follow the rules'' of working out -- i dance or jog or whatever my body wants to do instead #do you know how weird it is #to go from being a COMPLETELY alone kid like NOBODY will talk to you bc you're a social pariah #like bullied ALL THE TIME bc ur stupid and flighty and strange and too loud etc #to being like the exact same person but now people are like ..... ''ur smart and funny and charming and happy-go-lucky'' #some of this does have to deal with the fact i got therapy and medication #and started being a better person and actually focusing on myself and the ways that i could improve #im gentler now. i don't crave attention in the same way. i don't mind things that used to destroy me #it DOES help that i finally got diagnosed with ADHD #anyway feelin things bc it's been 5 years of recovery <3

[sunnys-side-upside-down]

Blorbo's Eepiest Soldier

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I'm doing better and am back to it <3

#helloo! #thank you all for the well wishes #I have really appreciated every kind word #I'm doing better now and have gotten back to school work #i am so eepy though #eepiest soldier #im also being overworked on my capstone game team and the team lead even told me shes over working me so thats #fun #counting going to this capstone class and meetings and such im putting like 25+ hours in a week for it #and i do have 2 other classes #and a social life i enjoy having #haha #but im happy to do the work cause its good portfolio stuff #except when my producer comes up to me and says "yknow how ur in charge of all the 2d art and concepting and branding and ui and pr? yeah g #make a 3-4 page detailed comic for plot at the start of our game cause we dont wanna cut plot (even tho we dont have time for it) and we #dont wanna show plot through interactable objects and dialogue/text so more work for you even tho u legit dont have time for it #ngl tho i have genuinely been enjoying designing icons and doing model concepts #i made some fire designs recently #please hire me a game company tm #anyway enough of capstone talk #love you all!!! #im excited to graduate and finally be able to change my bio!! #hope you all have a very lovely rest of your day <33 #furry #fursona #digital art #art #eepy

[megumi-fm]

.

#just realized im jumpy and cheery when im around people to the point where i could come off as a kind of emotional person #but like. most of it is just masking? like most of the time its just my trained response to what i think is a social cue #and trying to figure out tone based on how people talk. so i tend to add an excessively positive tone so that i don't come across as mean #but like. my natural self is a lot more subdued. #of course there are highs and lows and a lot of the time im just zoning out and forgetting anything or anyone exists #and usually when i am hyperactive it's less the stereotypical adhd jumpiness and more... anger and frustration #i get jittery and idk what im talking about and it's not. fun. #and because i feel like it takes this additional work to kind of... be around people i tend to really enjoy my time alone #and i also. kind of suck at making friends irl. i just cannot approach people first #anyway idrk where this was going but being on tumblr all these years n especially now that i have such wonderful friends here im realizing #that im actually not as introverted as i thought. im just discouraged at the thought of having to decipher shit out with people #im truly a yapper at heart xD #but im also not as overwhelmingly positive as i seem #i just want people to know i love them. even if i really do overcompensate to show it #yeah. some self awareness stuff ig #megumi in the tags

[fandom-blackhole]

My friends, idk how, but im gonna figure out a way to share my final presentation with you guys for a class after I finish it. Because I'll be damned if I'm gonna be this passionate about this thing, do all the research, make a ppt AND cardboard tri-fold, and present this at a "Research Symposium" for 2 hours to whoever stops at my booth during finals week to not share with the people I like most 😤

Basically for the project we have to take a person or event and give background on them before analyzing them through a Social Psychology lense (bc the class is social psychology lol). AND GODS DO I LOVE SHIT LIKE THISSSSS. I will not be sharing what event I chose for two reason: 1) I want ya'll to read and learn about it through my post when I post it 😌 and 2) It's a REALLY obscure event from what I've gathered (like I barely have 5 sources for references and one's ONLY in german) and I doubt many would know what I was talking about.

#Ive literally been working on it all night basically (and have little to show but aesthetics) #BUT! I did get all my photos i currently have and their captions put in too!! #I just need to fill in the slides with their info #im literally chopping at the bit to show you guys bc im so fucking into this project #i love being a psych major 🥰🥰🥰 #I have been this excited about something in AWHILEEEEERE #I can wait to look through social psych theories and ideas and figure out which im gonna hold up for anlaysis #we are just at the stage of turning in the first part which is just the who. what. when. where. why. #the how (which will be the theories) will be next part to turn in #but god am i invested and ferally upset about this story #ok i need to go to bed now so that i can finish this project tomorrow so i can turn it in :) #ill rb this a few times to gauge interest but besties im 100% posting it no matter how the poll turns out #im just too pumped and i want to SHARE with people who know and like me (i mean i think yall like me lol) #social psychology #college final project

[dhmis-autism]

i feel like the original series was red guy centered, the first season was for yellow guy, and i am BEGGING AND PRAYING that season 2 will be more about duck!! i will probably cry if anything happens to him though lol 💀 everytime writers break a comic relief character i just OUGSHGS.. it gets me.

h well I don't think you're wrong about that! Webseries being Red Guys time to shine, S1 of the TV show being for Yellow (esp the last two episodes I think? Even thought outside of that, he does get a lot of focus/he IS the one who talks to the audience the most directly). From what I remember hearing, the pilot was pretty Duck-centered.

But I think even if he GETS his big moment in the sun, so to speak, it's NOT going to be as emotional as the other twos. On top of him just not being a very um… let's say sentimental character, he's just not the make-you-cry type! It's just not him imo!

IDK, I operate under the opinion that… in his weird little head, the most important thing that he values over everything is keeping the three of them together. Both because he thinks of them as a weird little family AND because he really doesn't have anyone else outside of the trio. We also know from the interview, and you could maybe argue from the Family episode ( Who do you love?/Anyone who loves me back., I asked every member of my family who they loved the most, and they all said me ) that being loved is something that he actually values QUITE a bit! More than you would assume on first glance! He's weirdly upfront about it haha!

In that way, I imagine that if they were to TRY to pull something to put him in the spotlight in the way you're imagining (i.e. something emotional and focusing on his issues like they did with Yellow & Red) it would either focus on his desire to be loved OR his dedication to keeping the three of them together. But I would argue they both already did that in the Family episode AND put him through the worst case-scenario in regards to those more emotional aspects of his character ( here I think the worst case scenario to him is the other two rejecting him, harshly, unambiguously and to his face, multiple times and the three of them separating ). AND THE THING IS… THAT ALREADY HAPPENED! THAT DIDN'T BREAK HIM!

He had his little pout over it in his dress and was like FINE! I DON'T NEED THEM ANYWAYS! So, I really don't think that big "character-breaking" moment is coming. If the Family ep didn't get him I honest to God don't think there's anything else the house could throw at him that could get under his skin.

#I REALLY TRULY DO THINK HES JUST GONNA KEEP BEING SILLY AND GOOFY UNTIL THE END OF TIME #just forever in the BG being funny and having the best lines #like. worst case scenario came and went and he is both so adaptable AND deranged that nothing is going to come from it ever #ALSO sorry! i think he likes being in the house lol #dude who loves repetition and stagnation and who is a complete social failure gets trapped in a time loop house with two other people? #of COURSE he loves the routine and delusionally convinces himself that the other two love him!! come ON now!!! #my dhmis postings #like im trying to think of what kind of drama can even come from his specific issues and #its like what if he figures out the other two dont think of him the same way? #HE ALREADY DID!!! #and he pushed on it and pushed on it and didnt relent until they were like PHYSICALLY seperated. #then he just convinced himself that HE made the decision to drop THEM actually. #and when that didnt work he got sad. then got over it. #again. i think he would TRY to find new friends but like. socially he is SO SO fucked lol. #hes annoying. hes loud. he NEVER stops talking. hes super upfront and DOGSHIT at communicating at the same time #hes mean. hes abrasive. he doesnt understand social cues at ALL. he has NO filter. and he refuses to work on any of that because to him #NONE of that is a problem. #like he wouldnt be able to get new friends if he TRIED. he is so completely entirely incompatible to anyone outside the group #it makes him REALLY easy to hate and i get why a lot of ppl do. HELL i get why a lot of IN UNIVERSE charas HATE him

[pyrriax]

pyrr pyrriax is significantly less productive when it spends several hours just bouncing between vcs in pursuit of human interaction

#haunted ecosystem #i spent the last several hours just chilling muted in a vc with a few people i dont really Know but we're friendly so it works #bonus was playing on an mc server at the same time and immediately making it my goal to harass jack #i got caught in a self-instated death loop trying to get him to free my corpse from his claim PDVNDJK #however: i now have an area where i get to set up a farm and become a beast (spend several hours lost in farmer's delight) #its okay its better than the average of like 11 hour calls #i write significantly less when i'm being social and not just in my little hole in the wall scribbling random concepts #also i need to read more fic to get my brain going again since currently i am lacking in things kicking around in my skull #aside from a concerning amount of oc stuff that will likely never see the light of day beyond ocassional snippet posts #im planning to work on a few projects i just also need to. not have things i need to work on #im working on a gift fic thats a little late but i just need to Come Up With Something

[nabaath-areng]

Fuck Sweden as a nation for turning the woobification of our history and culture into one of our greatest exports, pretending to be wholesome and peaceful while profiting from conflicts elsewhere. For never having the fucking spine to take any stance ever and acting high and mighty for being "neutral", all while frothing at the mouth to get a piece of that colonial cake from the cool kids table where the superpowers are seated. For recognizing Palestine's sovereignty only to then consider a withdrawal of said recognition in response to the current genocide. For allowing islamophobia to get to the point it is now and then pointing fingers at jews as a whole. For giving less of a flying fuck about swedish jews during WW2 and until now, yet patting ourselves on the back and taking credit for heroic deeds done primarily by individuals.

I wish nothing but absolute hell and misery for Ulf Kristersson, who is even more spineless about his inaction than I thought possible. Who had nothing to say about the burnings of the torah and quran, only to claim that he stands for fighting antisemitism. Who puffed up his chest and was acting so tough about the things he would do once he became prime minister, only to hold up on none of his lofty promises in true conservative fashion. Both he and his lackeys (as well as their fanclubs of raging screaming bigots) deserve nothing but hurt and hell for continuing to destroy the lives of all marginalized groups in Sweden, all while shamelessly increasing their own salaries blatantly in the open, to then have the sheer and utter gut to declare that actively supporting genocide is within our best interests.

This country's audacity is one that only became possible because we sacrificed our neighbours safety for the sake of maintaining our own, because when your most recent war was in 1809 it's apparently not possible to even try and comprehend the horrors of modern warfare. That is, besides producing the tools for it to happen elsewhere.

#the complete disdain for compassion and humanity is abhorrent #not to mention incomprehensable #im sorry im all over the place bedridden cause bad pain day which makes me even more angry #because i want to strangle everyone in riksdagen with my bare hands #and like im sorry not to be a state hater or anything (sike) but how #and i mean HOW. can one claim that we know democracy #when the people who supposedly represent the rest of us #can just go ahead and do these types of things willy nilly as they please #how can we claim to have free will when the burdens of having to earn the right to life #by working to death and being left to die if we cant adapt to the system #and being actively drained too dry to dare take risks standing up #how can that ever be freedom? #seeing everything coming out of gaza in video audio images all of it #and feeling hopeless? powerless to do anything? #how is that NOT suppression? to break people down to the point they cant find the spirit to fight? #to cast other regular people as villains so that all energy is spent falling into bigotry? #social media is hell but its also one of our greatest tools now #its like being able to zoom out and see the greater overview of the stranglehold capitalism and colonialism has on the world #im not coherent at all and my thumbs are dying now i just #but sooner or later somethings gotta give re: the way our society is built as a whole globally

[soldier-poet-king]

:((

My friend had asked me to cat sit for her while she was out of town in September for her sister's wedding, but didn't give me the specific dates and I figured she'd get back to me as we got closer to the wedding, but she just posted photos on Instagram and she's already out of town and hasn't said anything to me in 2 weeks??

Not to be an incredibly pathetic insecure person, but also, are you mad at me and what did I do wrong :///

#franposting #whine whine whine. spotify play tmg never quite free <- go to emo song #anyway she probably just got a coworker to do it #all my coworkers are old. but her workplace is full of young ppl. and she has real friends and weekly plans etc etc #so like. i get it. but i just feel like I'm being left again! and i am! #so it's just:/ #i even had the day off work bc doctors appt this morning #and played bg3 with j and rose this afternoon #and whatever joy i had is now just. gone. #even if i feel anxious and nervous about rping bc astarion is mean and im afraid itll be taken for me being mean #or ill go to far bc im bad at reading social cues #and its just. well. im going to go take a shower and be emo. #oh AND my parents are being The Usual and my nonni straight up arguing #and work is just. well. work sure is still happening and im a little insane unhappy about it #maybe ill just go lie in bed and listen to more of the tge audiobook and pretend #<-an extremely pathetic sentence and yet. here we be.

[caffeinatedopossum]

I don't understand why it's generally not socially acceptable to recognize your good qualities. Like I don't understand why it's bad to be a show-off or a know-it-all or to brag. Like I think most people know "those things = bad" but not why.

It also seems like people are always either waaaaay into one end of the scale where they are just so unbearably full of themselves and have preposterously high self esteem (and most people act like this is fine too? Like a lot of celebrities and white men specifically seem to be like this) and I don't understand why so many people respect them then. Or they're the complete opposite with self esteem way too low despite the fact that they have redeeming qualities.

I feel like maybe the reason it's considered bad to brag is because you might 'make' other people feel inadequate but see that seems like a stupid reason to me because the problem then is not that you stated an opinion of your own self worth but is actually that everyone else is conditioned to compare themselves to each other in a very unhealthy way. And I think instead of discouraging people from opening up about what they take pride in, what they like about themselves, what makes them feel happy or content or confident, maybe we could just be discouraging people from viewing those things as personal threats? Idk just trying to formulate some thoughts on this

#idk why but this feels like a very convoluted topic #like so many people are probably coming from different starting positions on this than i am and im afraid that might #make it be misinterpreted or something #like i feel like there definitely is a balance where some self esteem is too little and some is too much #it just feels like it is exceedingly rare to find anyone with ideal realistic self esteem and idk why #i also dont mean this in a way to say that every action is the responsibility of the people taking offense either #because obviously thats not how that works. its understandable to demand a certain amount of respect #and to accept that your words (even the ones you say about yourself) could negatively impact other people #and thats not necessarily on them for being defensive #idk social concepts are strange and foreign to me so im still figuring this stuff out and through an autistic lense to boot #so sometimes i feel a bit like im conducting a study or an experiment more than writing a blog post #im just trying to understand people because i need to #it seems like the overwhelming majority of allistics have absolutely no interest in why they do the things that they do #so i have to go around experimenting instead of asking direct questions about this stuff #because when i do ask direct questions they look at me like i just asked them if the sky is actually blue or if its just gasses up there #in case you are not the most common dimwit. the sky is both of those things. however when you ask someone a question #phrased like that about a topic they dont want to admit they dont know about. they will usually avoid the question or answer absurdly #its actually kinda funny you should try it sometime #now im distracted because i dont know enough about how the sky works and i need to know #anyways gonna go down a research rabbit hole methinks

[altoskh]

Imso tired man. I'm so tired. Why do I work this hard I am so FUCKING over this shit

#this other bitch out here like haha woopsie i forgot to clock out for lunch even though ive been out for two hours :) #guess ill leave early today! heehee #YOU DONT DO ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME OVER YET AGAIN #i am SO FUCKING SICK of this shit. why do I have to be the one to suffer #why do i have to be the person who doesnt get a say in fuck all even though im doing THE MOST WORK #and then i have to sit here and act like she fucking knows what shes talking about wrt animals #IM THE ANIMAL KEEPER. I KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS DEPARTMENT BETTER THAN YOU #Im going crazy fucking insane right now #my coworker is out sick so ive had to do shit scheduled for three people. me. One person #and then im told shit like its just one class! ITS NOT #i have to break them up into two because its too big of a group #then i say ok we are doing reptiles over here #and shes like oh ummmm someone has it reserved for this time so can you do it in [place that is extremely loud] #and im like yeah ok fucking sure FINE #and then we get there and someone else is like ummmm we were told to est here for lunch by [her name] #and i radio her like UMMMM?????????? #and shes like Oh woopsie i did tell them! you can do it at ummmm [3rd place] #im like yeah thanks for fucking wltting me know #Sorry im sorry thus is so extreme and petty but im like DROP DEAD #youve made my work life hell when it doesnt have to be because YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB #FUCK!!!!! #YOU get to have a social life becaus you do whatever the FUCK YOU WANT #YOU get paid way more than me to do FUCK ALL #YOU dont have 30+ living beings depending on you every day #shut the fuck UP #I am so mad that i work so fucking hard and it doesnt fucking matter #so yeah sorry for starry spam but i think hes nice and right now the only thing keeping me from fucking losing it at work #along with a 1 min video of kookaburras im plahing over and over

[linddzz]

I've been having some Thoughts on how the push to vote in the past has given people the wrong idea of what voting can accomplish but also why it's still something you should do. I'm not gonna try to convince people who are ideologically against voting (though I have some raised eyebrow Opinions on people who stick to ideology over actionable results/goals set in reality that I'm probably gonna end up ranting about here) but I WILL push back against the people who seem to want everyone else to also not vote and get all high and mighty at any mention of voting.

Some basic facts right off the bat;

1) Voting ON ITS OWN will not stop a fascist state

2) Voting will not Fix Everything

3) If you ever approach voting as only going for who you Believe In you will be disappointed. Politicians are not your friends. They are not heroes. I don't even think 99.8% of them are good people. Ideological Purity and politics don't mesh in reality.

4) Our system sucks. It is flawed. You can't change that by voting. You also won't change it by NOT voting and being smug online about it.

5) Voting Is Step 1. It is the LEAST you can do for civic change.

Bold on the last bit for a reason! You can not change the system from within the system, but voting is not the same as say, becoming a cop thinking you can change the entire institution by being "one of the good ones." A vote does not lock you into the system. You can vote and then go flip a cop car over and spray paint a confederate statue. You can vote and then join a co-op for community improvement.

So why vote if it won't fix shit?

Well for one thing it should be noted that there's a REASON Republicans are putting a lot of focus into make it harder for you to vote. If that doesn't set off a little ding then idk what does.

Anyway my view of voting is something I said for the 2020 election; it's a tourniquet. A tourniquet will not heal a wound. If you ONLY use a tourniquet without any other actions you just delay the inevitable, but the tourniquet is the Step One to give you more time to take those actions.

Voting won't stop a slide into fascism but it can help put breaks on. Things suck and haven't gotten better but you can't convince me it wouldn't be so much worse if Trump won in 2020. There would be MORE hyper conservative judges being put in place, erosion of rites would be happening WAY faster. You vote to slow the bleeding down even slightly so you have less of a battle than you would otherwise.

As soon as you stop thinking of voting as "this is how I will make a difference by voting for who I believe in and like" and think of it as harm reduction you can get way more strategic about it. An example from my red state is how a lot of leftists handled the primaries. There's no way someone even left of center or moderate is going to win here. It just won't happen! So for the primaries a LOT of left leaning people changed their voting registration to Republican to vote for the least awful guy.

They were all awful. All of them are harmful. But ONE was an open supporter of Q-anon endorsed by Trump and his goons. A lot of votes went to the one who still had shit views but at LEAST said Biden won the election and made wishy washy noises on abortion (as opposed to loudly yelling about banning all abortion and birth control. It's understood he will still likely vote against birth control, but he also seems to care about appealing to moderates so you can push back at him more). He may switch later but there's less of a chance of that guy going full throttle on overturning voting rights, and it was understood that guy would be less of an uphill battle than the other one. That guy won. I know other people in deep red states doing the same thing.

This also is a state to state thing. Here you can change party affiliation for the primaries then change again for the main election, which is what everyone is doing because we accepted that we'll probably end up with that shithead but we're still going to vote against him because we want it to be clear that there IS opposition here.

There's also local elections which are SUPER important. Every left community outreach org I've talked with or read up on pushes local voting and they're probably accomplishing more than the average online leftist arguing The Ideal Revolution. We GOT here because the right wing is VERY good at mobilizing a voting base and they have spent DECADES purposely starting from the local level up. Q-anon and openly white supremacist groups are targeting city councils, school boards, all that.

Go to ballotpedia.org, look at everything down the ticket. Then look up that person's social media. See who they're friends with. See what they were posting about two years ago. Look at who follows them and who they surround themselves with.

It's boring. It also often just takes me a few hours or less in an afternoon to look it up and vote down the ballot. The president really is the LEAST important part of the vote except for how they can shape their party direction (moreso for Republicans than Democrats. Republicans tend to fall in line with whoever their Top Man is. Because they're fascist adjacent at best and outright fascist at worst.)

Also most importantly for a lot of you lefties (especially younger ones):

Ideology and Reality are often not compatible. Do not trust that a great Revolution will overturn everything and Fix It because a lot of problems are rooted in the cultural, not political. Revolutions more often than not end in such massive death and upheaval that a fascist power just comes in and promises order anyway. Also even if you DO pull off a revolution, the moderates and neolibs and conservatives will still be here. People will still be complicated and won't fit into ideology. And I think it's pretty substantial that so far I only see a whole lot of talk about how the system needs to be torn down but not what could realistically take it's place. People have been trying to make a perfect system of government since we started living in tribal groups bigger than a village. An ideology is good for an aspiration and basis "if I could have my ideal what would that look like?" but reality will almost never fit that ideal, and you have to be able to learn how to not throw out "slightly better" because it isn't perfect.

I am not a politician or political scientist. I'm not a sociologist. I do not know how to "fix it." I don't think anyone solidly does. But I know that just saying "the system sucks I won't participate" doesn't change the system, and could cause greater harm to those who are in more danger from it than me. I hold my nose and vote based on the approach of harm reduction (even a TINY reduction of harm is a reduction). I expect all politicians to be rat bastards, I try to help my community and friends and work towards what I actually want from that level up. The vote is the base layer.

(anyway Robert Evans on Behind the Bastards recently put it really well. He's a half feral anarchist bastard Man who also believes voting can't fix the system or even change much, but he said he still votes because "voting won't cause more harm and there's ALWAYS a chance that I'm wrong about what it can accomplish." Basically if he's wrong and voting DOES make a slight difference, then he is causing harm by not doing it.)

#also im trying to emphasize Republican vs Conservative #bc i ideologically disagree with conservative politics on almost all levels #but i also know people who consider themselves conservative and like. arent terrible fascists. #hey also NEOLIBS ARE ANNOYING AND CAN BE A ROAD BLOCK OFTEN BUT YELLING AT THEM AND BEING SUPERIOR DOESNT CHANGE MINDS #OH MY GOD LEFTISTS NEED TO BE BETTER AT MARKETING AND OUTREACH #YES ABOLISH COPS SHOULD BE THE GOAL BUT IT ISNT REALISTIC RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THE COUNTRY IS FUCKING SOAKED #SOAKED I TELL YOU. IN A CULTURE OF SEEING COPS AS HEROES. EVEN IF ITS HEROES IN A BAD INSTITUTION. #BROOKLYN 99 STARTED FROM PEOPLE WITH THE IDEA THAT YOU COULD HAVE GOOD COPS #YOU CAN NOT SELL THE MAJORITY ON 'ABOLISH THE POLICE' RIGHT AWAY #if you see people trying to make it a better sell by describing a system of reallocating funds to social work to reduce the load on police #and you go UM BUT THERE SHOULD BE NO POLICE SO DIE #you help nothing! you arent making that moderate neolib go 'wow theyre right!' #im YELLING OVER THIS SO MANY OF YOU FUCKS PUT IDEOLOGY OVER REALITY #THE MAJORITY OF THE COUNTRY IS MODERATE. THAT IS REALITY. IT NEEDS TO BE ACCOUNTED FOR WHEN FIGURING OUT WHAT CAN ACTUALLY BE ACCOMPLISHED