#it was true about food too

[inkskinned]

i turn 29 on july 1st. i feel like i make a lot of these notes to myself, to check in. hi, me, here's what's happening.

hi, me. hi, you, too, if you keep reading. here's some rules i have been following:

when a book is bad, i put the book down. i choose something i like instead. when i don't like a movie, i don't make myself watch until the end. i care less and less what people think about me and focus more on being a good friend.

for the 6 months or so, i've been asking people what they think should be my next book or tv show. i ask them where i should go on a walk next week. i ask them what food i should try next, what hobby. and then i write it down in front of them.

the truth is some stuff slips through the cracks. but most of the time? within two weeks, i get to send my favorite kind of text - so i tried the thing you were talking about and !

i have a new policy for split-second choices - it's better to try it. i have social anxiety. i have to talk myself into doing many things. i am constantly battling the desire to run away as far as my feet will take me. and then i stand up and i do the thing anyway. i make myself act and dance and sing. sometimes, yes, i know-immediately never again, i hate this. but most of the time - i just have fun with it.

i have a new mantra - nobody is scorekeeping. at the end of my life, there will be no grand reading of how many calories i'd been eating. no reviews on how many boring documentaries i forced myself through, no calculation on how many hours i endured an extremely dull educational podcast. and so what if i try karaoke and i don't actually nail it? so what if i stumble over my words while trying to make a public announcement? so what if i wear something too-showy to go to the grocery store? nobody there knows me, and: nobody's keeping score.

life doesn't resolve with a grade (i know, i was as shocked as everyone else when i realized it). i am not falling behind, because there's no curriculum to life that i should be following. there are no checkpoints; nobody is making sure i have a fully-furnished life resume. i am just here for as long as the earth will have me, and i get to decide what makes me happy.

i don't have a partner or a house or anything that is supposed to belong to people-my-age. i spend most of my time focusing on being kind, compassionate, ready to listen without restraint.

and honestly? i feel good. like actually. i kind of like it this way.

#the really ironic thing #is that the less i care what people think of me #the more friends i have #the more i get along with people easily #19 year old me would kill me for saying this bc she HATED when people said ''stop trying'' #but it was that i wasn't trying to be their friend #i was trying NOT to be ME #i went from being like ''i think im too different for people to ever like me'' #to a decade later being like #'' ah i'll be okay i get along with pretty much everyone '' #it was true about food too #i wasn't kind to my body and thought it could make me look a certain way #if i was pretty it would make up for the way i was internally very ugly #but im now in probably the best shape of my life #and i have pretty much kicked my eating disorder to the curb (goodbye die in a hole) #bc i spend SO much more time seeing the chance to work out as a FUN THING #bc i don't make myself ''follow the rules'' of working out -- i dance or jog or whatever my body wants to do instead #do you know how weird it is #to go from being a COMPLETELY alone kid like NOBODY will talk to you bc you're a social pariah #like bullied ALL THE TIME bc ur stupid and flighty and strange and too loud etc #to being like the exact same person but now people are like ..... ''ur smart and funny and charming and happy-go-lucky'' #some of this does have to deal with the fact i got therapy and medication #and started being a better person and actually focusing on myself and the ways that i could improve #im gentler now. i don't crave attention in the same way. i don't mind things that used to destroy me #it DOES help that i finally got diagnosed with ADHD #anyway feelin things bc it's been 5 years of recovery <3

[blinkpen]

imagining laios and senshi reacting to those recipe videos where white people are cooking something absolutely horrendous without a single spice in sight but all the confidence in the world

like it's either harrowed silence or you can't even hear their critiques because they're both So getting worked up and ranting over how Upsetting this is to watch

#sporadic warbling #people like joking laios is an extreme omnivore but lbr he's only Like That if monsters are involved and even then #some monsters he simply doesnt like for Personal Preference so food DOES have to be Good he just doesn't care about your -abstract- hangups #he too would also cringe with sadness at a TRUE Struggle Meal i think #and senshi would be furiously lamenting the lack of Nutrience #show him one of those Extreme Food Waste videos and he just closes the laptop and Leaves before he lose his shit proper

[merakiui]

i saw octavinelle in the uniforms from ado's readymade (in this video at timestamp 6:20)........... baseball octavinelle.......... orz orz orz i think,,,,,,,,, it's a good delusion.......

#meraki mumbles #baseball octavinelle hitting home runs always!!!!! #KYAAAAA AND THE EXPRESSIONS....... >w< it's too good... #but also the 'i am hungry!!!' with halloween jade and azul!!!! omg that is such a jade song #the metaphor for loving someone so much you swallow them whole but also just being so monstrously hungry for things aside from food #'i love you so much i could eat you' but with jade such a phrase could be true because he finds it morbidly romantic #what if...... a fic where jade eats you..... and not as a metaphor for sex......... >:) #basically sk jade but without the slow burn (i.e. he does eat you) #i want to ramble about yan!jade and the concept of monstrous love AAAAAAA i could write an entire paper on it #he's so *squeezes him* !!!!!!! >:(

[scintillyyy]

when it's written that way because it's a patented chuck dixon -ism but it unintentionally creates a really interesting potential narrative for the character-

#still thinking of steph and class and knowing that dixon made her lower middle class on account of he's a classist #but how placing her in that nebulous position of between the have and the have nots #where they're too poor for comfort or stability and too rich for benefits #lends a lot to steph's anger at her situation #her desire to fit it and move up and separate herself from her origins #her showcase '95 story where she has a veneration of what she feels must be the comfort of the true middle class #and her veneration of her coach who she insists can't be anything like her mom #her anger and shame at her mom coming to her gymnastics meet because she doesn't like seeing that part of her life #interact with the better life she's trying to carve for herself #her activities as spoiler being so linked to her desire to throw away the legacy her father left her #that for everyone to say she's not good enough or shouldn't do it is for them to say #you are already where you belong and that thought terrifies her #a steph who grew up hearing sarcastic remarks about those welfare recipients who can afford nicer food than them #while her mom works and gets no help and and struggles for it #a steph who internalizes that no one is going to help her and if she wants it she has to work for and take it #which leads to some bitterness when she sees everyone else such as tim and cass receive the help and support she's always denied #but also only motivates her to keep going harder. if no one will help you you have to help yourself. #what ugly biases might she potentially have as a result of this upbringing #it's like i hate it it's such a conservative story of bootstraps #but i love it because gives such potentially interesting things to play with in steph's arc

[dairyfreenugget]

(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)

Hey hey hey

May I interest you in

(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)

Teehee

#thylacines can talk #faaf au #i love this au very yummy. a very fun twist on how Flower's dynamic with their parents would progress afterwards #the vessels live but the void exits their bodies in quite a violent manner (extreme pain and literally throwing up an entire person worth of #void). Flower was on guard duty and theyre found barely conscious in a pool of rapidly evaporating void. passes out seconds later #PK also had the displeasure of experiencing extene pain and burning as void forced its way out through his skin <3 And his moulds all melted #and evaporated. after the initial shock wears off theyre hit with “Oh No #the vessel“ and rush to find them. Well somebody else was already looking for the royal pair about this #Flower wakes up dazed and in pain in their father's workshop. their stomach hurts their throat burns and they feel lightheaded. the entire #place is considerably brighter than they remember and in they can hear two faint voices in the background but theyre too preoccupied with #examining their now pure white hand in shock to focus on anything else. until they hear their mother say “My wyrm they're awake” and #suddenly their parents are by their side. Now the two have no idea what void leaving their body might have done to them. Are they still #hollow? are they still dead? do they understand anything are they sentient? or was what was done pernament even without the void? do they #have the mind of a child if their sentience was restored? or do they remember anything? So WL stays by their side and helps them sit up #while their father goes to grab his tools. She's trying to keep them calm and comfort them but theyre still too disoriented to pay her much #attention. Until their father checks their breathing and they yelp audibly from the cool metal contacting their skin and suddenly they seem #much more alert. theyve never experienced true coldness before. PK quickly apologises and tries to be gentler with them. Theyre breathing #properly and they have a heartbeat. And he just pauses for a long while just. listening to their heart beating. Many emotions to be had #after the exam's over he asks them point blank how theyre feeling. And Flower looks up at him still seeming a little disoriented. and then #they lower their hand to their stomach and mutter 'My tummy hurts...a-and my throat burns'. It's to be expected after the way the void #left their body. so he goes to grab them some water and meds and they also ask for food and a mirror. And after he returns they just stare #at themself in the mirror and pull on their bangs for a while then blurt out 'I have your eyes' when PK asks if everything's okay. And he #and he almost chokes up as he replies 'Yeah...Yeah you do'. Flower eventually spins a lie that they remember everything but its all distant #and blurry. Like they were not aware until now. They figured it'd be better to not break their hearts #And now the three have to figure out how to be a family while PK is also scrambling to find a new solution to the infection #oops i meant to only give a brief rundown in the tags which is why it was in the tags. but i got too invested KDHDKFB

[britneyshakespeare]

Having siblings is wild cuz you just grow up w some fuckin weird kids in your house and you'll remember songs they made up about taking a dump for the rest of your life

#im not just talking about my brothers. my dad still sings HIS older brothers' taking a dump song #text post #tales from diana #you don't have to like it but it's true #jon also had this song about salting his food. bc he did it a lot as a kid #and my mom was like 'too much salt is poison you know' #and i still vividly remember jon being like 10 or 11 years old at the dinner table salting his steak #and singing like a smartass 'im mr. poison man... happy happy poison man' #do you know how often i think to myself im mr. poison man happy happy poison man? #it broke my brain chemistry. i still think it's the funniest thing ever

[timegears-moved]

tbh i gotta take back what i said before. totk hasn't really done anything to make me care about this version of zel*nk

#bwark #don't get me wrong it's still a fine ship but i think this is just a case of me preferring their friendship #and also it's more of a criticism of this incarnation of link than a criticism of the game itself #he's just too. static. i don't like that he shows more emotion at cooking than at the actual tragedy of the plot #and i know that it's stated that he has anxiety from the pressure of the calamity but like i said he's still capable of showing emotion #but like at the wrong times. it's cute that he's happy about food but where's the shock that he was asleep for 100 years and everyone he #once loved is dead and he doesn't even have memories of them before seeking them out #or that his best friend had to suffer a millenia as a dragon for the sake of everyone #compare this to like. idk tp link's horror when ganondorf holds up midna's fused shadow and crushes it with his hand #and his relief at the end that not only is she back to her true form but is still the same mischevious midna he's known the whole game #or sksw link's pure anger at ghirahim for kidnapping zelda near the end #or ww link's visible guilt and heartbreak at having to leave his grandma behind and alone to go and save his sister #not trying to be mean because i still like him. he is still link after all. but idk he just falls a bit short for me #like his promise to mipha's father comes across as very shallow when he kept a blank face at her in both the memory and her spirit scene #the only character that benefits from him being flat is revali and that's because it fuels revali's dislike of him because of a #misunderstanding and lack of communication #totk spoilers #<- in the tags at least

[cowboy-robooty]

i dont got a gaurdian angel or devil on my shoulder but i do imagine grandad (robert freeman) from the boondocks reacting to everything around me

#been like this for like two months now or something #everytime im too exhausted to get up but am like 'i need to get up to eat dinner' i hear grandads voice like #'have sleep for dinner youre getting fat anyway' #that sounds bad it sounds like i have an eating disorder or some shit that is not true. i love to eat im monkey d luffy irl and its not a #joke. me and wiener are fucking beasts we will go 20 minutes without eating and go gawd... im so hungry rn... #but sometime my demon of a bed traps me like quicksand again and im like i need to eat food.. but god sleep feels so good.... #i love the have sleep for dinner youre getting fat anyway line okay it makes me laugh so fucking hard riley be starving af #pretty boy flizzy episode 😍😍😍 #i think about the allowance line too all the fuckin time #you want an allowance? i ALLOW you to eat my food. i ALLOW you to burn my electricity. i ALLOW you to sleep in my bed! #robert freeman is so deadass i love him especially when he thought riley was gay and heard tom say all the good things about gay people and #and went 'damn thats a lot of good shit... nah still gotta disown him' #LOL #grandad was not rockin wit that gangstalicious manbag

[front-facing-pokemon]

#okay i did not have to edit this one. score #shiftry #anyway i really don't like this pokémon or anything about it. SORRY but it's true it's really ugly and its mouth and the nose #and it has the same things i don't like about it that i talked about with nuzleaf. i just don't get it but this time it wasn't in psmd #so i'm not attached to it just by virtue of that. and well. that contributes to me not really liking it i suppose #ahh well. better luck next time TPC you can make a good grass/dark-type eventually (it's meowscarada) (it took 6 generations) #hi it's me from two weeks later like the actual day this post is going to post. i came back to edit the tags so i could respond to some #comments. crazy‚ i know! but i saw the tags on this one were a bit short so let's beef 'em up. the nuzleaf post got some comments #about the whole prosthetic memory thing. where i set reminders on my phone to do shit or else i will not do the shit #i literally have a reminder set for 2:30 PM today to eat food. or else i won't even do that i bet #and folks are saying it's a common ADHD experience and that i'm not a fail and i do appreciate it. i think i was joking a bit #i was probably just frustrated i had to edit the image after taking it but the gist is. i don't *think* i have ADHD? i do have autism #which i suspected for a loooooong while until i finally up and got diagnosed when i was fucking 21 years old. which is insane. so i wonder #if that's an experience that overlaps. i imagine it is bc they proooobably would've been able to tell me if i had ADHD‚ too #okay. i moved these tags over here from nosepass‚ actually‚ which is the pokémon i just queued up. so i'm gonna go remove them from there #see you in street fighter five everybody

[hopelesslovebug]

Uh hi, could you draw Giorno and Fugo in masquerade style?

sorry anon it's not colored but when you said masquerade my three braincells heat up at the spot

#also i'm tired #i like the designs and the idea i thought of..i will start working on it in the morning.i will also work on simplifying giorno's mask 'cuz #i made it way too complicated for noo reason at all. i also thought of like a quick plot #ok there is this masquerade (of course). i want you to imagine a fancier version of the mafia. the don invented almost all the mafia #into this masquerade with the promise that the one that would know his true identity will be the next don #but the catch that anyone getting way too close is probably going to be killed #weather diavolo doing it for shits and giggles or he is showing that he is truly worthy of the title don #is still up in debate in my mind. buccigang goes just because it's a fancy party (also because there is free food but shhhhhh) #giorno still didn't meet the buccigang yet in this au and he WILL become the new don #trish also still didn't meat the buccigang yet. she would go to one group to another dropping hints about her father identity #she really just wants him dead #she can't say his true identity out right or else she would be killed #and yeah #you know the most cliché murder mystery #it's just kyaaaaaa~ i love this plot since i was 6.i love it soo much. it makes me sad people don't do that often anymore #also put my fav kind of fugio. i mean yeah fugo fell but holy giorno is in a well #*fugo says the most strategic plan you could think of* gio:wow you're so smart darling can i kiss you now? #←didn't understand a single word from fugo #also i didn't say this but it's a masquerade no ones knows about the characters real identity #so they just go with there stands name.ok this is enough my mind is shutting down now #jjba #vento aureo #jjba part 5 #pannacotta fugo #giorno giovanna #fugio #mine #my art #pt5

[stickers-on-a-laptop]

get to know me ask game

tagged by @lelephantsnail!!

RULES: bold the ones that are true and tag people to do it.

APPEARANCE

Blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas// I wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // my parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

tagging: @skajador @snapple-man @rosemirmir @doomednarrative @lunar-gltch @incandescentflower @creativityobsessed @zscribez @funyasm @lee-donghun

#for loose vs tight i tend to get bigger but i will also wear too tight clothes if it has a funny enough graphic #i have no idea if my correctional surgery counts as plastic surgery. surgeon wanted to do cosmetic surgery about it tho. #i wear baseball caps backwards inside because i was probably outside with it and don't want to take it off #i did do swimming for high school but i don't do it anymore and it's in present tense #if you hang out with me you will hear me sing #gotta do the meeting up with someone online thing (power morphicon?) #listening to music to fall asleep is like half true. like i'll do it for 20m or so then it's the white noise #i should hope i enjoy mexican food i'm mexican #and also white so wow there's a multiracial option

[internetaddict104]

NED “MY WIFE” FULMER CHEATED ON SAID WIFE?!?!?!?!?!

WITH ALEX???? WHO IS NOT ONLY ENGAGED TO HER PARTNER OF 10 YEARS, BUT NED’S EMPLOYEE?????

#I’m still trying to figure out if this is real #But since I got multiple separate notifications about it from different social medias I’m inclined to believe there’s at least some truth #I really hope this isn’t true #I hope this is just Alex’s fiancé I think he’s a standard white guy too #I’m still hurting from John Mulaney I cannot go through this again #especially so soon #try guys #the try guys #ned fulmer #Ariel fulmer #Alexandria herring #food babies #Alex try guys

[silentspiryl]

Man Cowboy Bebop has so many lines of all time. This ranks pretty high on the journey so far. Such great life lessons

#cowboy bebop #ep 11 #spike was so true for this too #you put something in the fridge for a year #forget about it #and if you dont check if your food is running #its starts running at you

[greenbirdtrash]

It's really cool to see how some of my speculations about the lorax stageplay got confirmed

Feels good mate

#late night ramblings #like #i was thinking about the possibility that miff moof was kinda toxic #that would explain why they can't even grow anything on their land to have more food #that would've been a neat explanation #also i did some analysis on Onceler's clothing in each of his character arcs and the possible design symbolism #and i've got a bit of confirmation about this one too #honestly it would be a hell to list all of my small takes that ended up being somehow true #kers ramblings

[i-am-a-meat-popcicle]

Honestly the only thing Hanneman had to say to me was "Lore" and suddenly I was all over that old man.

#I wanna talk to him about crests. #I have so many questions. #If it's true that most people with crests tend to crave sweet food #does that mean anything significant? #Like does channeling the power of a crest use up certain nutrients in the body more than normal? #What does that mean for Edelgard and Lysithea? Could they have severe problems with vitamin deficiencies due to their two crests? #Sweet cravings could be indicative of multiple things- #Hanneman I wanna know #Not to mention the fact that Byleth doesn't seem to have that issue/preference since the player can pick either sweet or spicy food #their body seems to be very good at maintaining homeostasis for the most part #considering they can eat mountains of food and go days without it #is it because they're part Nabataean? #I mean; yes that is most likely the case #but does this apply to Rhea; Seteth; and Flayn too? #or is that just special protagonist stuff? #I need to know I need to know everything #-grabs fe3h by the collar and shakes it- GIVE ME YOUR WORLD BUILDING LORE #fe3h

[panictimesfour]

sorry but im not fatphobic for losing weight while recovering from a literal eating disorder that can rupture my stomach and crush my bones and organs from exessive + rapid weight gain. im not fatphobic for being happier in my smaller body that is nearing its set point while in eating disorder and body dysmorphia recovery. sorry not sorry, and if you think its morally better for me to have a disorder that can kill me and be miserable in it than recover, lose weight as part of that recovery, and finally learn to be happy with my body at its set point, then you are beyond despicable.

god, i hate haes activists.

#vent #anti haes #fatphobia #ed recovery #ednos #reverse anorexia #yes thats what my psych called it #i dont think its an official thing LMAO #idk if im even diagnosed (but the diagnosis is probably BED if i am bc ednos is universally understood to be restrictive) #(and thats the LAST treatment we want for me) #ppl would rather i cry about only having eaten 3600 calories as opposed to 5000 (true story) #as a broke fucking teenager who cant afford the food he would need to come up to that calorie count #and who cant eat too much at home lest they notice #who starved once a week to stall his metabolism and worked his muscles to death to gain weight faster #but was terrified of exercise because it would make him lose fat #haes activists would rather have that than a slimmer boy who is happy with his body #taking care of it by eating what he wants when he wants #working out what he wants when he wants #which is still mostly weightlifting btw bc cardio is torture lol #i wouldnt be surprised if they want a world of obese people #which i do not support #i want people to be in bodies they feel good in #for some its a bigger one #for others its smaller #sorry for the rant lolz im just. fed up.