#and not caring enough about real issues

[hussyknee]

TW: 200th rant about the stupid "HP fans are all complicit in antisemitism and transphobia" discourse, brought to you by my OCD-induced suicidality.

I've by now become so wary of trans people and enbies on social media, especially Jewish ones. I'm like "this person is GOING to be on their Harry Potter bullshit and trigger the hell out of my OCD" and my hackles go up automatically. Then my OCD goes "haha you hate them because they're Jewish and/or trans, you're an antisemitic transphobe so they're clearly right about people who defend HP! SUFFER bitch!" Cue hell loop until my brain is flayed over anything nobody actually even said or did.

I don't even LIKE HP that much anymore, why is wanting to stop having PTSD episodes about stupid shit the thing that also dropkicks me down seven circles of hell??? It's made all the so-called "leftist" enclaves of the internet a minefield. Why are people with OCD everyone's favourite collateral when it comes to stuff shitty rich assholes do? Is it so fucking hard to stop making up thought crimes to attack people over??

It's an extra layer of horrible when the same people have no problems applying "no ethical consumption under capitalism" to stuff like Coca Cola and Nestlé products. Y'all can't possibly live without child slavery chocolate or making brown people drink Nestlé's toxic filth or anything that's subjecting Indigenous communities and people in entire Global South continents to long, lingering, horrible deaths, but this one franchise whose author royalties are funding the UK transphobic lobby is the one line that matters. Fuck all the trans people in those places I guess. Every single Global North consumer moral policing is western leftists's dehumanization of our people writ large. Fuck all of you.

#yeah i know i keep bringing this up. that's the nature of OCD #and the sheer prevalence of this rhetoric and the lack of opposition to it #sometimes it's like Im the only one speaking out #and it's because my fight and flight response is set to fight and I can't disengage #not because Im brave or something #in order to avenge the UK's trans genocide it's people like me all over the world #who can't even afford books and games #that need to be killed off first #when you're triggered into suicidality over and over because of your love for a book #that helped your child mind escape while cowering from the adults in your life #even without having paid money for anything HP related in years #how exactly are you supposed to rise above that #i've systematically lost my entire friend group to this clown circus this year #because apparently ''this thing you're doing is ableist and also making me suicidal'' is just me being lost in the fandom sauce #and not caring enough about real issues #it's no use singling out the western left anymore bc USAmerican internet hegemony means even my people take their political cues frm them #''you're being influenced by western imperialism'' went down about as well #as did ''if my wellbeing is not enough for you I literally know trans HP fans wth OCD who are suffering even worse than me'' #harry potter #knee of huss #scrupulousity #pure ocd #actually ocd #western leftists #white queers

[ssaalexblake]

Why is 13's regen abt a white dude and why is 15's regen abt a white dude when do we get rid of that white man that just Cannot let other people have their own moments I swear this is so old, like really, it's a tale as old as time where white dudes are the center of the narrative and universe and everyone caters to them, and I'm so bored of it being celebrated. It's not innovative, it's not new, it's not brave.

#dw shit #dw negativity #im literally actually bored #We've been Knowing the same shit was done to whittaker and gatwa outside the show #and got treated like we're just bitter bc of very real criticism about the optics and treatment of them botj #*both #and worried that the same thing would happen in the show #and uh... #like really? idc abt wacky plot points but I've just spent Years dealing with ppl #digging under the sea to think of reasons to be pissed at anything that happened in or bts in 13's era #and this foul treatment is front and center and it's not an issue? #gatwa deserves the spotlight in the most important moments #he has been denied them both in and out of the show and i have yet to be given a good reason #as to why that's acceptable. #can somebody Please let dt know this shit bc he's a clueless as fuck privileged white dude but by all accounts seems nice enough #and i think he'd Probably care if he had a clue

[polyamorouspunk]

The first time I ever heard the phrase “pick your battles” was when I was about 12 years old in eight grade. The grade above us was filled with kids who drank and smoked and did drugs and the grade below us was filled with kids having sex in public bathrooms and somehow we were stuck in the middle, reaping the restrictions put on us for crimes we didn’t commit. One of these being that we were not allowed any personal bags in our wing.

Now, if you’re like me, you carry a *lot* of shit. I mean, there’s textbooks, reading books, food, water, phone, pens and pencils, an eraser that actually works, FeMiNiNe hYgIeNe pRoDuCtS, and idk? Random other shit? Too much to reasonably carry from class to class in your arms and pockets.

So my friends and I wore bags. Purses, if you will, though I hated that term because it was a bit too girly for me, and my “purses” came from the military surplus store. In fact, I still have the last one I got from there. Regardless, my point being that we wore personal bags to carry our shit in.

Except that wasn’t allowed because kids *before* us would sneak their alcohol and shit with them in bags.

Now, nowhere in the handbook did it say we weren’t allowed to have bags- trust me, we checked. Our parents helped us take up the cause- us being me and my 2 friends. But our teachers collectively decided we were not allowed to have them in our wing, they had to stay in our lockers. And so we asked: how them are we to transport them outside of our wing if our lockers are in said wing. If we can’t have them in the hallway how can we have them outside the hallway if we have to store them in the lockers in this hallway.

One day my teacher who had a soft spot for us pulled me aside. He told me he knew that I was on a campaign against this, but that sometimes we need to pick our battles. I had never heard of this phrase, so I sat on it for about .5 seconds before saying “then I’m going to pick this battle and continue fighting it.”

I understand now what he means though. We can’t change everything that we want to. There are so many causes out there, so many things that we should be aware of. But we’ll burn ourselves out trying to take them all on ourselves. It’s been said before to pick a few causes you really feel passionate about and focus on those because you can do more for change when you aren’t stretched out thin.

Beyond that, though, I think we need to pick and choose our battles because realistically there are not just things we can win, and at the end of the day some things *are* more important than others.

We live in a surveillance state. That’s clear in a lot of countries, including the US, but that’s clear on a global level. While this sucks, at least here in the US, it really seems like not enough people care to fight it. Hell, people are actively bringing surveillance devices into their homes in the name of convenience. Realistically, overturning our surveillance state doesn’t seem likely. While it’s a battle that’s noble to fight, it’s probably in vain.

But think about when Roe v Wade was overturned. How much outrage it caused. How much outrage it’s still causing. Enough people are fighting that there is hope to rectify it, I think. And when it comes down to it, if you have to pick a battle to “not be surveilled” or to “legalize life-saving medical treatment (again)” one of those seems a lot more pressing and important than the other.

It’s okay to personally put causes on the back burner. It’s okay to not reblog every single “awareness” or “woke” post you see. You’re not obligated to fight every fight. Even just reblogged activism post after activism post can be draining. It’s okay to take a step back, take a break. Don’t forget about these struggles. Keep them in the back of your mind. Maybe go back and reblog them later. But don’t burn yourself out fighting too many battles, especially if they’re losing one. Focus on a few, solid, tangible changes you can make: being kind to strangers; donating goods, services, and money; volunteering; teaching children; etc. and if you have the energy go above and beyond that. You can make a difference just by being kind. You don’t have to fix every single problem. But together we can fix a few at a time.

#long post #tl;dr there are some issues that the majority doesn’t care about enough to make real change and a few people won’t cut it #focus on what’s most important both to you and overall #it’s okay if you aren’t blowing up police buildings you can just be kind and that’s enough #personal

[liquidstar]

This is such a tangent btw but on the topic of guilt tripping and reblogs... I remember a few years back there were some terrible fires in Greece (and again this year, entire island villages are gone now) and at that time I had family who were caught in them. I can't describe the desperation I felt with these horrible things happening to my family and loved ones in my country. And I remember being frustrated and desperate with how no one around me in America really seemed to give a shit. I remember blogging asking people to PLEASE care please share something please reblog this link for mutual aid please think about the stories and fires etc etc etc. And the thing is I was very much in a state of grief myself, maybe not every word or action was perfectly reasonable, because I don't realistically expect everyone everywhere to care about every tragedy in the world. You can't. Emotionally it's just not possible, especially with all the stuff going on in the states rn too. Yeah it's a lot. It's not like I blog about every tragedy that ever happens either. I understand.

HOWEVER what I also remember was at this time there were a couple mutuals very clearly making vagueposts along the lines of "remember not everyone has the energy to care about everything in the world uwu" while I was posting about family who died and family who were drifting in the ocean for hours as their homes and loved ones burned. Listen. You have to understand sometimes that when a person in grief and frustration with things going on in their countries and communities impacts them very personally beg you to care... It's coming from a place of needing to see that care in the world in general. They're not holding a gun to your head Specifically saying you have to reblog the posts, if you don't have the energy just ignore it.

You don't have to go out of your way saying "um actually I can't care about the horrible stuff you and your family and your country are experiencing rn. I'm too busy focusing on my own stuff so can you be quiet or more reasonable with your grief thanks." Like. Just keep it to yourself then??? Have some fucking sympathy for other people and understand that maybe it's not always logical. The same way you don't have the emotional energy to think about every tragedy in the world, people who've been impacted by them often don't have the emotional energy to handle that alone and may seek somekinda community or solidarity. Idk. It's not about forcing shit on you sometimes it's not about you

#part of me thinks the 'we don't have time to care about everything all the time' has set us back a bit because it gets used as an excuse #bc most of the time no one is like asking you to become a hardcore advocate for every cause ever they're just saying like #hey reblog this donation post. and like I'm going to be real how much possible emotional energy is that really taking from you #compared to the actual activism the statement was meant for and such. like come on #surely less than complaining about people having the gull to ask you to give a shit right? #you can still have sympathy for multiple things without necessarily devoting a lot of your energy to said things you know? #doesn't mean you have to surround yourself with them to become the perfect most progressive activist or whatever #but you can like. idk. express sympathy or condolences in passing every now and then. like people normally do. idk #instead of being like 'how dare you ask me to care! there's issues in my own country i have to blog about!' are you for fucking real #but yeah enough time has passed that i can think more rationally about this and now know that that was a careless response #exactly the type of people you were afraid of being the representatives of the worlds apathy in your greif etc #but there are also people who do care is the thing #and obviously for the record I'm not mutuals w the former anymore bc like Christ

[lesbianralzarek]

not putting this in the tag because i KNOW its meta-bitching but i do hate people treating the wyll ravengard tag like its a discourse tag and not, yanno, an actual character tag. "its so fucked up how larian made their black character so much more boring than the rest!" is character hate and the average person scrolling his tag is trying to explode you with their mind. he does have fans, you know that, right?

#gonna be for real. you are not being as supportive as you think #do you really think the devs are gonna see a post saying 'i dont like this guy' and go 'oh we better put more time into him'???? #sorry you dont like him! skill issue! #does he not have as much content as the other origins? obviously. is there still enough for people to care about him? also obviously #if the only thing you have to add to the conversation is 'hes hard to give a fuck about' we dont need to hear it! fuck off! #skill issue skill issue skill issue

[r0achlezbian]

i will forgive all of larian's sins both past and present if we get a quest to kill mizora btw

#benny.exe #balding gate #this is a joke i'll still be mad but i'd be slightly less mad if i got to put an axe in her stupid face #why is killing cazador a whole quest meanwhile mizora's just kickin it at camp and you can't get her to fuck off #'but wyll's warlock powers' yea! exactly! there could be a really impactful plotpoint about him losing those powers #right before the biggest fight of his life #and his new friends (and possibly partner) assuring him that no he IS enough without mizora #maybe there isn't a blade of frontiers without mizora's power but there is a wyll ravenguard and that's enough. #also like come ON please a mizora boss fight could be really fucking cool #raphael's boss fight is the best in the game please god let me fight more devils PLEASEEEE #wyll's lack of content is a bigger issue here but if you don't care about that #well. you might want to examine that a bit. but that aside we were robbed of a really cool fight come onnnnn #let! me! kill! mizora! actually better yet let me watch wyll kill mizora #he deserves it lord knows that man needs to feel some rage #wyll gets treated like shit by everyone in universe and in real life get him out of there PLEASE #bg3 spoilers

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[foolishnpd]

getting called out for my behavior is the worst. criticism is just an instant mood drop like no other

#lilyroaring #npd #actually narcissistic #cluster b vent #rejection sensitive dysphoria #narcissistic personality disorder #un-fucking-fortunately #i am not delusional enough to just ignore it #as much as i want to think it's all wrong and i'm above it and i'm perfect and FUCK THAT i don't have to care!!!! #the rational part of me knows it's right #and i would be the bigger person if i just accepted it humbly #and didn't become a giant piss baby about it #i can be Normal about criticism i prommy #(i wanna die) #worst part is when the criticism is fully true and i can't ignore it on the premise of not being a real issue 💀 #like damn i actually gotta fix this shit #can i just kill myself and/or everyone else instead about it

[nezzling]

It's not up to you to decide if you're good enough for me, it's up to me to decide if I like you enough to keep you around. I'm so sick of people bailing on me cause essentially they don't like themselves and let that self loathing convince them I must feel the same. If I'm actively giving you time and attention, it's cause I think you're good enough for that. Stop leaving me cause you don't like yourself, that's weird, you should leave me cause I'm unbearably annoying at least wtf

#lil rambles #sorry im just so fuckin sick of it #people being like wow youre so pretty funny kind caring affectionate even in real life and like yes yes i am and i love that about me #so why do they all run from thag good just because they have self esteem issues #like do you not want the help of my light and love to help you learn to love yourself and grow with me #why you running you fuck get back here and face yourself properly for the first time in your life instead of avoiding self work #ive literally had so many dating stages end cause they dont think they are attractive enough specifically #like excuse me i like my partners a little ugly so that im guaranteed to be the funny AND pretty one #dont you want a funny pretty nymph of a wife what the fuck bros why dont you want that dream life #i guess some people just see themselves as nightmares and cant see that even a nightmare is a kind of dream too #its too early in the morning for this kind of introspection but i woke up early feeling nauseous and it made me sad and lonely #like idk if youre ugly and weird just treat me nice so that someone is there for me when im having a bad day or health day

[endlessnightlock]

why have you become inactive?

Hi Anon, I hope you're doing well today.

Mostly, I haven't been around as much because real life requires more of my attention. Good stuff, though. Being more present with my family (I went to see the FNAF movie with my thirteen-year-old this week. Are any FNAF fans out here? I was slightly confused by the movie because it's not my thing but had a lot of fun going with her), eating better, cleaning my house, and trying to get organized so my chaotic monkey brain stays happy. Unfortunately, you have to stay on top of that stuff more as you age if you want to keep your sanity :).

Hopefully, once I get more of my shit together, I'll be around here more often. Love you guys and I miss hanging out!

#tw: eating mention #so I've always had body image issues and an unhealthy relationship with food #but back in July I found out I was prediabetic and my triglycerides were high #so I've been eating a lot of fruit/vegetables/whole grains etc and I've lost about 20 lbs and honestly it takes a lot of mental energy to #keep from freaking out about it because of the body image stuff and the fact that I've always wanted to make these changes but felt unable #to do it #until now #some days are good but others I have to talk myself out of a full-blown panic #like #its funny how parents do the things they never thought they could because of their kids #I lost my dad at a young age from heart disease #and I can't do that to my family #my youngest daughter has developmental delays and the thought of not being around to take care of her is terrifying enough as it is #parenting is hard #so I guess this ramble is all to say that I'm getting my real life shit together and that's all the mental bandwidth I have right now

[vaugarde]

the image of various scenes with TR crossdressing with the caption “team rocket, destroying gender roles since 1997” has done so much damage to pokemon community and even more damage to the people who haven’t watched anipoke in years and hail them the best queer rep ever from vague memories from their childhood alone

FOR REAL TBH like truly just ignoring that all of those scenes are intended to mock them.

ik its not a big deal its just a pole that i wasnt even following, but something that annoyed me specifically with the one poll was when jessie was against lillie and everyone was like "OMG VOTE JESSIE BC ITS PRIDE MONTH SO YOU HAVE TO OR YOU HATE THE GAYS!!!!!" when like... im sorry lillie has more genuine lgbt hinting than jessie does sldjfslkdfjslkd.

like sure its not the biggest thing ever but one of these characters was pouring their heart out to a girl in the rain about how important she is to her and how much she depends on her while a rainbow comes out, has an arc about breaking out of the strict roles her mother forced her into, and literally gets an RGU reference in the anime and a deeply devoted "best friend", and its not jessie. sure none of that is exactly explicit groundbreaking stuff and i personally wouldnt say youre meant to see lillie as bi, but its more than what jessie's got

#tbh tho ive been watching the earlier pokemon movies in my server and while their role is minimal obviously #i do think i havent been giving enough credit to gens 1-3 TR and kinda gen 4 TR #bc they are genuinely really funny in those first few seasons #i think im just lost in bw/xy/jn hell where they were just EXTREMELY tedious and unfunny #i think part of it is that they stop caring about their little quirks and backstories come gen 5 #and never remembered it again outside of sm #(and even then james's backstory ik is sorta played for laughs? halfway? kinda? #like his abuse is sorta framed as ''HA HA hes getting beaten up by a WOMAN'') #but like james's collection is barely brought up during that era #i also have some issues with how they are in dp bc theyve got both good and bad episodes there. leaning towards bad #and im reeeeally not a fan of how they characterize jessie in comparison to the guys #but idk. genuine thing does anything actually really post abt post dp TR #besides obviously the super dedicated fans and SM (which they are good in ill completely admit to that) #theres like.... two scenes of JN going around and one of them is a bit thats unrelated to them and couldve gone to someone else #mail #d0vegum #btw LOVE the yellowfang setup. lesbian yellowfang real

[hellofears]

having issues with men, the associations the instant distrust, which i dont like i dont want it i want things to be different, just all of it so much just the dynamic i have the relationship all of it the way the world is atleast online and having a younger brother. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I try and talk to him where I can and will continue to do so i adore him but i fear. i believe in him i want joy for him. I fear that his peers will feed him fckn brainrot and it scares me. not even just that he'll fall into that thinking that his fuckn upstanding that his unwillingness to follow ppl will hurt him. crazy shit at schools, like why tf r ppl dying kids young teens killing eaachother with knives? ??I don't want to loose him i don't want to see him loose who he is and the heart that he has i don't and i hope he rises above it all and will continue to. i feel like im stating what he has to be or smth but all i could ask for is his wellbeing, respect, humanity, that he treats himself well know what he deserves and has some sense of self, some gravity. I feel like shit sometimes for this aspect that i'm concerned that i just idk, i dont like the whole 'dont disappoint me' thing he owes nothing to me other than basic human decency and respect, hes a reason why i live but to i just that intrusive thought of there is no different the hell u think of is real about men to someone i hold so fckn dear to in a way show me their fckn fuckery its idk, like another? it'd hurt me, it'd hurt me bad.

i've never understood men or boys, amab, who go on about their connection or like protectiveness of their sisters of their mother but treat other women like shit like their familiars aren't women? you don't want to fuck them so its different? what is it like just whats the difference why does it have to pertain to you for you to care? do you care or do you see them as an extension? is it a personality trait for you? a 'lover boy' thing? a signal to women, women u imagine u want and is going to be 'ur woman' but u cant even like visualize them in a way that doesnt pertain to your sexual interests? a signal so people can say oh he loves his mother so hes good to go and prime? a 'mummys boy' ? are they not real women just because u dont feel that sort of way? talking about women that way with your friends? do i have to bring up the fact those same people could date your sister etc for you to care? those people could make the kids that surround your kids, your daughter. idk.

its like okay u want sex so u respect them less? did no one hear dont bite the hand that feeds you? what the fuck is going on. you cant fuck them so its all good? the demeaning-ness? lack of gravity, venom is just rapid, vapid

#*txt🗣️ #real world issues #i instantly think of counter points before i say anything especially online and i hate it because its like im accustomed to ppl being accus #atory. at being contrary. shitting on vulnerability. shitting on emotions. shitting on hhumanity. shitting on the ability to care. #women can be pieces of shit men can queer folk can i can be you can be to me theres an ability just as people and the world of choice that #-e have. im not saying everyones on the brink of doing the worst and makes a choice not to either if ur going through that u need to seek #help or some sort of sincere dialogue well and truly. but the world around me has made me who i am just as much as my reaction. not all etc #is a no brainer. ppl dont have a neon sign on their forehead. its understandable why the caution has been fckn drilled into so many afab so #many women in the hearts of many and thats hurt fear and absolute rage simmering anger for bs. i understand proventitive cautions to ppl #especially those who tend to be the direct target demographic but to drill in fear to woman to afab not even just on a personal level imsur #everyones experience is different on that front and their thoughts but on a society level and then take no action to then be like atleast t #my knowledge or its just not fckn working bitch its crickets. men should be able to feel safe enough to share their fears and worries to be #vulnerable but that isn't coddling bs and pointing the fingers at women at afab. theres weight in the way both sexes have been socialized #its cause and effect i refuse that it can't be helped. i refuse it. i reject it. thats not me discrediting or trying to come at gender(s) #at ppls gender identity etc. i mean everything makes us who we are. its all part of a journey. ones sex doesn't invalidate such a thing. #humans are so complex to say someones just pulling shit out their ass for the giggles is wild. no matter what it rings true for people #its not for us to choose for eachother we don't choose what others want to share we can't decide how someone else feels we can't read them- #back a book they feel like they've never heard or is bs and give them the finger. u can't tell someone they're the authour and they didn't #write the book or they didn't hire you or agree and want u to write it for them? ur not a ghostwriter bitch ur writing perception #i mean the way we're brought up the way society has become accustomed it effects results its a world in of itself made #to no fruitful benefit atleast to me for any party. when desire grips you at the throat when you allow your will you allow your every whim #the desire isnt even desire anymore. now you're creating a loop you're creating a possibility for a life with no balance #if men are so upstanding they aren't like one another they aren't the bad ones why is the refusal to move forward and write past men up #write them wrong feel so heavy or resound so heavily atleast to me. write for better because you're better. know you're better. #excitement as it once was turns into not enough then again and again. and the core issue even thbere i care for other parties responsibilit #relationships are a back and forth dont choose for others what they want dont decide for others. ask them. #u shouldn't have to constantly prove ur different but heres the thing if in ur life those who know you atleast if u have walked the road #u speak of the valiant road you've trecked supposedly there'd be nothing to prove. you've walked it. if a new person comes along you dont #need effort to show you have basic respect for another. and if u dont have that respect dont get mad at those who dont want u in their live #u took yourself out their market. life is a in moment custom experience. buckle up. not me talking about love like a business worker or smt

[icedteaandoldlace]

"I saw her watching The Grinch the other day. I thought about booting her off on Christmas, but then I thought, no, that's just too mean. I'll wait until her birthday."

–Bestie talking about when she's gonna evict the ex-bestie from her Peacock account

#she ended up doing it a day early #yep that's right ex-bestie cut off contact with everyone but continued using bestie's Peacock for free for almost a full year #we were aware the whole time but she wanted to wait until just the right moment to log her out and change her password #also ex-bestie came up in my dad's FYP on TikTok #talking about how she dumped all her friends because “they don't care enough about real world issues” #whatever helps you sleep at night girly

[lith-myathar]

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#i joke about it and all but like. i cannot emphasize enough what an impact it had on me to be uhhhhhb #micro-institutionalized in the way that i was for the first 14 years if my life #and i am honestly going to count the time i soent in ''elementary'' school bc it wasn't a normal school. it was a charter school #that began as a parent organized alternative and swiftly devolved into an authoritarian nightmare #a bunch of people who were simply not ready to educate children let alone ''problem'' children #of which there were MANY because that school got all the kids who had been turned out of public school for behavioral issues #there were hardline rules about literally everything. normal childhood behavior was pathologized and punished and as a kid #you had no way to understand WHY #and so many of your peers were having problems because ofc those ''problem'' kids were typically severely traumatized #or were actively being abused #so even if it wasn't happening TO you you were being exposed to it in a hundred little ways every day #so i was confused and miserable all the time AND was struggling academically bc i had undiagnosed adhd #(or possibly just trauma?? i honestly neither know nor care which came first at this point) #so my mom pulled me and my brother out. him at 11 and me at 6 and said ''i'll just do it myself'' and #raised us in a way that wasn't religious but resembled evangelical or lds stuff #i couldn't watch commercial tv or listen to popular music bc my parents didn't want me exposed to what they considered inappropriate #and while i still had extracurriculars i was always the odd one out bc i had no exposure to pop culture or normal socialization #for my age group #it resulted in me always feeling alone and like i didn't belong. and since most of my social life was my parents and their friends #that was the perfect soup for adultification #i was fine with adults. put me with my peers and i was a mess #it made the transition to high school incredibly difficult but i DID make it #but that was only 4 years still in an institution. everything began to unravel once i tried to move into anything resembling ''real life'' #and then my dad's suicide which was a major trauma in early adulthood which only made my mom's grip on us tighten #i did get to START life until 26. not really. and it's just been a game of catch up for the last 5 years #and im so *angry* at the unfairness of it all. at the time and experience and milestones that were taken from me. at how i blamed myself #for it for so many years and the problems i developed because of it all. dissociation and substance abuse and suicidality #the fear that still has a death grip on me #the courage required to just exist #it's *exhausting*

[gayvampyr]

i don’t care about the d/epp v heard case. im not gonna pretend to know what’s going on with it or choose a side. it’s not my business. it’s none of our business. idk why y’all are acting so weird about this

#it’s not my place to say who’s right and who’s wrong at a glance. i don’t know. im sick of hearing about it #there’s a lot of misinformation out there and im sick of trying to base any sort of theory or endorsement around it #and i just want to say it’s fuckin freak behavior to participate in the mockery of real peoples lives and this culture of treating people #like spectator sports or theatre #with tiktok dances and memes and youtube videos #like yes i am guilty of being swayed by those stupid clips from the court case but i still did not make the decision to act like these #people are characters and this is a fandom debate #that is a personal choice. no one is making you do that #and i do not care enough about these literal strangers to sift through every scrap of evidence in an issue that doesn’t concern me #so i’m staying away from it #also the reason d-pp is censored and heard is not is because the former is clearly in reference to the person. the second is just a word

[hella1975]

id like it to be known that i wholeheartedly support abortion. i support abortion for the person whose pregnancy has become too dangerous to come to term. i support abortion for the victim of rape. i support abortion for those who don't have the financial means to have a child. i support abortion for those underage. i support abortion for someone middle-aged with a stable family and finances and loving partner who quite simply does not want a child. i support abortion for people who sleep around. i support abortion for someone who thought they wanted a child but changed their mind. i support abortion in all its infinitely different situations. if it comes to me picking between a bunch of cells that look like fish eggs and an actual living breathing person with a name and future then babe we're having caviar

#fun fact! 9/10 abortions happen before 12 weeks #and over half happen in the first 8 weeks #at 12 weeks your fetus (bc it's not even a baby yet if u want to be technical) is the size of a lime. a fucking lime #i wasnt going to make a post about this bc i dont like bringing politics onto tumblr #bc after how jaded i got with covid and now Everythign Else i wanted a site that could be safe from real world shit #and also it's very tiring that an American Issue suddenly becomes Everyone's Issue and it can be quite frustrating #when that energy isn't met for literally any other country. and i didnt want to contribute to the en masse posting about roe v wade atm #for those two reasons (at least on tumblr. im not actually spiteful about this and obviously really care about the topic. it's just tiring) #but it's come to my attention that somehow i have pro-lifers in these parts #and i want to make it very fucking clear that i dont want them here #me and this blog are completely wholeheartedly pro-choice in any form it may show itself as #because i have enough critical thinking skills to know two basic facts #1) that people have ALWAYS had abortions. the only thing that's changed is the safety in which they're carried out #you will NEVER get rid of them you will only ever endanger the people and women you're trying so hard to 'protect' #and 2) i have never heard of a single person that was happy to get an abortion. not one. it's not a fun experience #it's incredibly hard and traumatic but oftentimes necessary for whatever personal reason specific to that person #stop fucking making laws about other people's bodies #it really shouldn't be difficult