Tumgik
#and kinda bummer too
canisalbus · 11 months
Note
a few quick questions on Machete, what breed is he? I love the angles of his snout and the proportions remind me of a borzoi though I don't think he is one. Also, does he have a set age for when he's a cardinal? I picture him to be around mid-30s or so. Wonderful art! love your stuff and find you an inspiration :)
He's a fictional breed called Podenco Siciliano, which is closely related to modern day Ibizan Hound (pictured below) and other Mediterranean rabbit-hunting podencos. I usually just default to calling him a sighthound since he's somewhat of a provincial mongrel and not meant to be purebred anyway.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
As for the age, mid-30s sounds about right. I think the current timeline goes something like this:
0 - Born to a lower-middle class family in Sicily, father is a tradesman, has three older brothers. Generally considered a runt, is weak and sick all the time, parents suspicious of his unusual colors.
3 - Gets left at a monastery and raised by monks as a foundling. Nervous and meek kid, but the monks think he's endearing and do their best to support him. Is taught to read and write, which is a massive advantage at that day and age, and learns rudimentary Latin through exposure.
9 - Apprenticed to a Neapolitan priest, moves to southern part of mainland Italy (or Kingdom of Naples as it was called, it was ruled by Spain actually). Does chores and runs errands in exchange for education and experience.
15 - The priest gets elevated to a bishop and decides to sponsor Machete's further studies at an acclaimed university in Venice (in Northern Italy). There he studies theology, medicine, arts, law, philosophy and gets fluent in Latin and adequate in Greek. Befriends Vasco but their relationship is short-lived.
21 - Ordained a priest. Leads a parish somewhere in Papal States (Central Italy). Is generally well liked but doubts his career choice from time to time.
26 - Becomes a part of the Papal Court in Vatican, mostly because of the recommendations of his former mentor and professors, good reputation, excellent track record and sheer luck. Still a priest but assists bishops, cardinals and the pope himself directly. Moves to Rome. Becomes pope's unofficial confidant due to his obedient and hardworking nature and because of his lack of prestigious family connections that would render him a threat. Slowly starts to gain wealth.
30 - Created a cardinal (which is the second highest position in the church after the pope, and it's at the sole discretion of the pope who becomes one). Is also a bishop as a technicality. Handles administrative jobs, tons of paperwork, at some point he's in charge of a lot of the political correspondence and diplomatic missions. Still the old pope's trusted advisor but disliked by the majority of the cardinals, who see him as an outsider, sycophant and a potential disruptor of the status quo.
34 - Meets Vasco again. Vasco has become a succesful politician in Florence, he's married with three children.
38 - The pope dies and Machete's status falters. He starts to work with the Roman inquisition more. Oversees trials, torture, excommunications and executions of heretics, witches and most of all, protestants (since we're reaching Counter Reformation times and the Vatican is Very Worried about the spread of Luther's ideas). Isn't having a good time at all but keeps up the appearances. Gets infamous. The beginning of the true villain era.
40 - Grows increasingly more disillusioned with life and his ideals, as well as the corruption of the Curia. Burned out, paranoid and desperate. Uses scare tactics, extortion and legal trickery to expose and undermine his enemies, but gains them faster than he can keep up. Employs spies, thugs and assassins. Feared and loathed.
43 - Gets assassinated and dies in disgrace.
877 notes · View notes
2dieavirgin · 11 months
Text
okay please hello i haven't seen anyone talk about this article which is so funny and my favorite thing ever ermm happy pride month i guess
178 notes · View notes
solradguy · 7 months
Text
I wish I was more openly hype about being a trans dude because there's like zero positive stuff for trans men like anywhere and it would be nice to help change that, but I've been out/on HRT for like idk 8 years now and being trans is like the 4th on the list of things I think are interesting about myself rofl
72 notes · View notes
dirtbra1n · 1 year
Text
do think I’ll be lamenting my artistic inability for the rest of my life but I also think that my compulsive need to take photos of things is one of my finer qualities. sometimes the photos are bad. I deal
56 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
Text
...
#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
13 notes · View notes
toxiccaves · 8 months
Text
RPG game where all of the dialogue options are bad
16 notes · View notes
bmpmp3 · 8 days
Text
style savvy styling star went OFF with the fact that you could replay the idol music sequences with your own character and outfit lipsyncing to it. every game with character customization and in-engine music videos NEEDS to let you do this
3 notes · View notes
churchydragon · 1 month
Text
One of these days I'm going to snap and figure out how to add textures to Skyrim so I can make my ocs and let them have the perfect colors
2 notes · View notes
13eyond13 · 6 months
Note
If you're still doing the ship meme: Rem x Misa (I've only seen two Human/Actor aus of it, but I assume it's much more common than that)
Remisa!
God tier aesthetics! 🙌 Love the concept and love the design. But the manga version of their relationship really bums me out hahahaha 😆 poor Rem is such a simp and Misa is so mean to her. Reminds me uncomfortably of being a closeted gay with a dumb crush on a straight friend who is using your whipped ass to drive them around and buy them snacks while they make out with their date in the backseat or something
6 notes · View notes
dmclemblems · 2 years
Note
I do feel kinda bitter over AG though because of all those things you mentioned since i cant look at AM the same way for not having a lot of those things
I can get that. I feel a little similarly. Overall I like AM more because it really delved into Dimitri’s trauma, but AG definitely handled the Blue Lions’ friendships better. What I didn’t like about AM’s characterizations for Sylvain and Felix in AM is that despite five years having passed, they didn’t mature nearly as much as they should have. In comparison, AG was only two years of a timeskip and it felt a lot more fleshed out with their characters. Ingrid was on a lesser scale, but she definitely got the better end of characterization in AG.
In part I think this is also because the writers have had time to decide on some things. When they made Houses, it was a new game. With Hopes they were working with pre-existing characters, so it was probably a lot easier to flesh them out and change their behavior. It just feels weird to look back at Sylvain from a five year skip and see that he hardly changed, but with a two year skip in an AU he’s a much more mature and composed version of himself.
AG also gives us the possibility of having Rodrigue to the end, and I’m wondering if that was a decision the writers made because they saw how he was received and decided to swap his position in the story with Gilbert who was a less popular character. Having the possibility of losing him is like a callback to AM, but we at least have the option this time. There’s also the chance for us to get supports for him with the characters that needed to be more fleshed out in their relationships with him.
Granted, in AM Rodrigue died because that was the final nail in the coffin for Dimitri’s mental state. He needed to have that moment where he gave up entirely and stopped caring about everything, planning to just go out and kill Edelgard or die trying. Byleth was also able to prevent it because they spoke with Rodrigue the night prior and could bring Dimitri to his senses through what they learned when speaking with Rodrigue. In that sense I think it was too important of a scene to leave out, because if not Rodrigue, I don’t believe any other death could have impacted his story to reach that point.
For example, in Ailell Dimitri behaves the same way to everyone around him. When they meet up with Rodrigue, that’s when his manner of speech starts to waver and he is, for the first time in five years, scolded and essentially told to shut up and listen. With Rodrigue being, as Dimitri literally says pre-skip, a second father to him, he didn’t treat that situation as he would have with anyone else, ending it with referring to Rodrigue as his friend (which is more than he did for anyone else by that point, too paranoid and being unconvinced that everyone wasn’t his enemy. The one person he knew would never be his enemy was Rodrigue).
Since the stories are vastly different in both games I do get why things were altered. Going back to AM will just be unfortunate that Rodrigue fans can no longer use him as a playable unit or get all the character lore we got in AG (which was a whole lot tbh for the parent generation, as well as his relationships with the people around him). We also have things like Gilbert coming back to the Kingdom much sooner and thus mending his family relationships, bringing back the old Gustave who is fiercely protective of his family to the point he won’t tolerate any enemy laying a single finger on his daughter and brother. I love seeing him in SB as an enemy and getting to see how aggressive he really is when someone tries to harm his family. To me that shows us who he used to be before Duscur.
I guess in the sense of like, for the sake of fanfics I’ll probably love keeping both stories in mind and mixing the two for things like characterization. Like I said, I understand that they were reusing already established characters so it was much easier to create new situations and improve the characters (to which tbh I’d say was usually hit or miss, like how I can’t even begin to imagine what they were thinking when writing Caspar for Hopes but they did so, so good writing for Lorenz).
Really I guess it’s just kind of what happens when they use existing characters and improve upon them when the original story was already so good. I’m going to hate going back and not having all the Rodrigue content because he’s one of my favorite characters in the franchise itself. On the other hand I’ll like returning to all the sides of Dimtri’s character, because having that aspect of such severe mental illness I think is really important to use in media, particularly in our modern day where that’s a big and largely important topic in our society. While I’d say they also made the attempt with Takumi in Fates, at this point Fates is not a very well loved game and due to how it was handled overall, I think a lot of the attempt at mental illness and suicidal behavior went over people’s heads due to of how poorly the rest of the game was received by players (and admittedly the writing wasn’t nearly as clear with Takumi as it was with Dimitri).
Houses kind of has the vibes of like... a whole lot of “what if” situations that AG used to show the answers of that. SB is more of like... another rendition of Edelgard’s story with not much changed except that we get to actually fight Thales instead of the characters defeating TWS post game. GW is the total opposite of VW, so rather than creating it as a “what if” timeline like AG it’s more of a “what if they went the opposite path they took in VW”. AG focuses more on the possibilities that existed in AM and builds upon those, rather than SB’s choice of the same route but handled differently and GW’s choice of seeing what it would look like if VW was turned on its head (no upside pun intended...).
Technically it’s not bad in and of itself for them to have written SB and GW in those ways, and that’s not to say AG is just absolutely the best because of it. It comes down to personal preference and I saw a lot of people saying the same thing that they see SB as more of a retelling but altered CF, which at that point it’s up to the individual if they prefer the new or the old. GW’s plot in and of itself wasn’t an issue, but it was the treatment of its characters and how the plot wasn’t focused on the characters but instead focused on altering its characters to the plot instead of the characters being what made the plot (ex. AM being written to follow Dimitri, not Dimitri written to follow AM).
Following that thought too, AG follows the formula of its characters being the story itself because in SB and GW, the characters go here and there and everywhere and they’re dragged along. In AG if you try to suggest that you go west during a civil conflict, you’re basically told no, we can’t afford to do that and have to stay here where we already are to deal with this problem and we can head west after that. You’re in one place and kept in that place until the conflict is resolved, rather than being pulled west and then having to go back to where you already were.
In some ways I guess you could say AG was written too well, because now when we go back to AM we’re missing all those improvements on the writing. I do prefer chapter 19 to chapter, what is it, 9 or 10? with the way Claude allied with Dimitri because it felt way more natural in AM and was rooted in a trust that was forcibly finnicky in AG because they were trying to sneak in concepts of GW Claude and how he wasn’t someone people ordinarily trusted. Instead of writing him as just a different path Claude, they tried to keep aspects of him that applied to very different routes and it wound up feeling wonky. AM was much more rewarding, and even more so because Gronder had already happened. Comparably, AG Dimitri and Claude had not even fought each other and yet everyone except Dimitri (and presumably Seteth and Rhea based on the dialogue when they all met up) was highly distrusting of him and treating him like he was some infamous slimy plotter who was going to jeopardize something. It was very forced and kept trying to nudge at GW/SB Claude, so for me that was extremely awkward to see considering in AM, nobody really highly distrusted Claude when he asked for aid. They’d never even fought or had problems in AG, but for some reason most of the cast didn’t want to trust him.
Regarding Thales though, for sure AG did handle it way better. I don’t really like Edelgard’s story in the second half of AG since I prefer AM’s ending for Edelgard (and it makes more sense because she was hellbent on fighting to the end, even if her path killed her. Dimitri gave her a final chance to end it alive, but she willingly chose her death and for her that could’ve been a matter of pride which is more in line with her character, but AG took her character away entirely so that just wasn’t a possibility). Thales imo should’ve been the final boss in AM too, having escaped as Arundel in chapter 19 and fighting the Kingdom later on. Considering how deeply rooted in Dimitri’s entire backstory Thales is, it’s kind of insane to me that he wasn’t the final boss. He has the least connection to Claude but is the second to final boss in VW instead.
For me the perfect ending would’ve been like... a mix between the two, where Dimitri had to come to his senses because Rodrigue almost died but he survives just barely. Perhaps he can’t fight for the rest of the war, thus rendering him unplayable as a unit and making sense as to why he couldn’t be playable from beginning to end. Sylvain, Ingrid and Felix would have grown into who they became in AG when you get to the five year timeskip in AM. Obviously Dedue would keep his story about saving Dimitri with others from Duscur, but then maybe soldiers from Duscur continue to fight with the Kingdom army the way they do in AG. We’d have AM’s version of the Alliance getting the Kindgom’s aid, and we’d have Thales escape as Arundel but fight the combined armies later on. Maybe while they were allied, the Kingdom gets news that people from the Alliance, maybe even Holst, located TWS’ base (since they’re near Goneril territory I think?). Since they were basically one big army, Dimitri could defeat Edelgard as we know their battle to happen in AM, but then they could travel to the Alliance territories with the war being over now and from there, fight Thales and have Dimitri learn the truth. Maybe Rodrigue joins as an NPC in the final battle so that he can be present against Thales, even if he’s not fully recovered because he feels he has to be there since it’s the battle for the truth that he’s been waiting on since he lost his best friend and son.
Whether or not Nemesis would be at the very very end idk, but I think Thales at least should’ve been the final or second to final boss like how he was the latter for VW. I think it would also be nice if Claude hadn’t left right away and instead joined the joint armies, even if just as an NPC since in this case you’d be traveling through the Alliance to fight TWS, and since they’re in Alliance territory I think it would make sense for the Alliance to be much more invested in that fight. It would give Claude the truth he’d be seeking in VW, thus giving a nod to his story in his route, and would give Dimitri and everyone else the truth about Duscur. It would be a complete story imo that way with all loose ends tied up, and if they had Duscur soldiers show up with Dedue in the timeskip then they’d be there too maybe as some NPCs in the final battle, so their story would be concluded too with the truth proving their innocence. Imo it would be a perfect way to resolve the whole Duscur storyline.
I know they were probably going for an imperfect ending in AM in the sense that we can’t have everything, but the only problem with the way they wrote that out was that Duscur was the focal point of AM. At the very least I think they should’ve tied up that entire story from beginning to end, concluding it with everyone learning the truth and Faerghus finally being able to heal when the truth gets around that Duscur’s people didn’t kill their king. Not only do the characters we’re familiar with have resolution, but the actual story we’ve followed right from the start is finished in full.
The problem with ending it with Edelgard for AM is that Edelgard... wasn’t really the true enemy of AM as a route. She was Dimitri’s personal enemy and conflict and he would have to fight her if he was going to end her war, but with the way the actual plot goes, Edelgard should have been AM’s penultimate battle, exactly like how Dimitri is CF’s penultimate battle before she reaches her actual enemy and goal, Rhea. Edelgard’s war was most specifically against Rhea, thus why her route made Rhea the final battle and not Dimtiri. AM should’ve followed that same formula, because Edelgard’s overall gripes weren’t Dimitri himself. Similarly, Dimitri’s story and the plot itself was centered around Duscur and the truth, which defeating Edelgard doesn’t solve a single part of. It concludes Dimitri’s personal arc with his step sister, but it resolves absolutely none of the plot of AM. While it resolves a character arc within the plot, the plot itself remains unfinished.
Like I said, I get the whole idea that we can’t get a perfect ending, but in this situation I don’t think it’s even about a “perfect” ending anymore. You could argue that this ending still should be present even if Rodrigue still died. AG is in a better position for the plot because it actually thoroughly explores the true plot of Dimitri’s background as a character. AM is a character centric ending, but AG is a plot centric ending, and I hate that we don’t get both in either of them. We either get a very good character heavy story, or we don’t get the full depth of the characters (ex Dimitri’s mental state not really being a problem in AG and is only sometimes given a nod to) and have a completed plot.
Hence, I feel like for fic’s sake and headcanon’s sake I like to think there’s more to the point of the Alliance fighting alongside the Kingdom as one army and that the plot related final battle would be against at least Thales if not Nemesis (since Nemesis himself isn’t relevant to AM’s plot or any of the characters, but Thales is deeply involved in multiple characters’ lives). Also, it could maybe give resolution to Dimitri’s personal story with Edelgard, learning that Arundel was killed and that was why he stopped donating, and realizing why Edelgard changed so much post her stay in the Kingdom. Just a final battle against Thales alone would conclude both the story and character plots and make a full, true ending. AG technically has a full, true ending to its story since Edelgard wasn’t in a position to continue her war, so whether she lived or died becomes irrelevant at that point since what happened to her, whether we enjoyed that aspect or not, did resolve that particular conflict. In that sense, yeah, AG solved pretty much everything in one shot.
So yeah, I totally get why you feel bitter about it. AG had an actually conclusive plot while AM was just left hanging as an incomplete story. CF was “complete”, i.e. TWS was defeated post game, and VW was a fully complete story. Instead in Hopes, GW is left a huge question mark and incomplete and SB is still basically complete unless Edelgard continued her war for conquest, so that one is more like... complete(?), with that question mark being necessary. AG is basically complete, since what happens to Edelgard doesn’t really affect the plot which was finished.
Considering TWS is the center of AM’s entire backstory and Dimitri’s most intense trauma, you’d think that would be much more important to the story in AM and that Edelgard wouldn’t be the end of the game. I wish they were still making DLC or updates or something for Houses, because it would be so great if they added that as a late attachment to AM (like how, if you know Tales of Graces, the game ended up releasing and then re-releasing with an entire post game arc added, though in that case it was more of a remake because it was titled differently, adding “F” to the end of the title to indicate there was an addition to the game and changes made/added).
#Three Hopes Spoilers#sorry this kind of turned into a whole analysis of like...#why AG is a complete story and why AM is not#and how that can absolutely make AM fans a little upset at how good but incomplete it was#compared to AG which was a great story and also a completed plot#I love them both but it's still gonna be a bummer for me as a huge Rodrigue fan to go back to AM and have less content of him#Felix's story was also kinda left incomplete in AM but was handled far better in AG whether Rodrigue survives or not#Sylvain's story got more substance both with his family and Sreng in AG and in AM that's pretty much loose particles in the air#technically Sylvain probably lived with Miklan again and if he didn't he at the very least had Miklan in his life again#and Sreng was a topic more often and even given a paralogue while in AM it's just kinda... a background ''this happens sometimes''#both of those aspects were extremely helpful for Sylvain as a character but he was given literally nothing in the timeskip#his substance is his supports and in the main game he has almost nothing that he didn't already have pre-skip#I feel like we sacrificed a lot by making AM so heavy on Dimitri's conflicts with Edelgard bc like#it's fine that the story centered around HIM since he's the lord of the route#but the overall conflict ending with her was only a resolution to a character arc and not the actual plot#so AM is just kind of sitting there like... if you happen to have Hapi she just happened to have defeated TWS post game#while CF did that too it happens no matter what but AM relies on a side character being alive and present for it to happen#meaning before the DLC there was no indication of TWS being stamped out after Thales died#AM is definitely a great route but its actual plot was a disaster. CF had a messy plot with a disaster incomplete ending#VW and SS had complete stories and full character arcs so I don't feel like GW really hampers VW#SB could be seen as a more complete and better version of CF (especially since it's LONGER than CF just for starters alone)#so I wouldn't be surprised if CF/SB fans felt similarly about SB being more complete like how AG seems to feel for AM lovers#it's kind of just a problem with Houses in general that a lot of story threads were left unfinished#DCE Ask
19 notes · View notes
waffliesinyoface · 1 year
Text
does megaman ever get super existential over the sliding scale of sentience present in other netnavis. does it ever weird him out that there’s a bunch of largely identical NormNavis, a mass produced AI which can vary in sentience from “is their own weird-ass person and not anyone’s netnavi” to “is literally just the digital arms and legs of their operator, and has no mind of their own”.
IIRC in one of the canons (its either the first game or the manga), gutsman is literally like. “A” gutsman. A mass produced AI designed for battling, compatible with the Gutpunch series of chips. The netnavi equivalent to buzz lightyear. Pretty sure they retconned it, but that was like. the idea.
i wonder if one of the reasons they pushed the doublesoul concept in BN4 and 5 was because 3 ends with yuuichiro wondering about the nature of megaman’s soul and then someone going “wait does that imply ONLY he has a soul?? even among his friends??” and they were like “UHHhHhHHhh lets maybe get rid of that ambiguity completely whoops”
6 notes · View notes
dumb-little-baby · 10 months
Text
Went to universal studios almost had a panic attack bc one of the rides from Harry Potter stopped so i was laying down facing the ceiling stuck on the ride lmaoo in my head i thought i was going to flip over 🥴 oh and i tried butter beer for the 1st time that was pretty good but why are the fucking rides there felt like 5 seconds 😭
4 notes · View notes
transgenderkris · 1 year
Text
somehow i have lost my pj shorts and it is way too hot up here to wear my long pj pants so i dug out a pair of laughably undersized black mesh booty shorts and like.....i do be kinda juicy tho
3 notes · View notes
inrainprose · 1 year
Text
On The Warp Effect Ending
As much as I enjoyed The Warp Effect from beginning to end, I'm still a little dissatisfied with the ending, and I think one possible fix for me would have been for Alex to still come back to their high school day, but to come back on the morning of the party, not before.
I feel like it would make it all more impactful, and also not erase everything quite so easily. To me, the message regarding what happened with Jean was that there was nothing he could do to fix it then, in the future, after he abandoned her and left her to deal with everything on her own. That is truly what she couldn't forgive, on top of their disastrous sexual experience. She tells him that they were both drunk and that they were both at fault, but where he went from drunken idiot to unforgivable asshole is how he treated her after.
Of course I would prefer she didn't have to go through this at all, but the point is it happens. Teenagers make mistakes, hurt each other and get pregnant, that's a thing. But I feel it would have been better to keep that but to impart the idea that it doesn't have to be the end of the world. It doesn't have to ruin their lives. If he had supported her after, fought off the rumors, helped preserve her after from scrutiny and judgment at school, and if he had been with her to deal with the pregnancy, they would, she would have been able to heal from all that. Maybe not to the point they could resume a romantic relationship again, but that wasn't the point.
Even for the other storylines, it would have made his use of what he learned in the future more meaningful. Like pushing Liu and See ew to see that they didn't have to feel shame, and calling out Army and Joe on the fact that protecting their secret wasn't an excuse for hurting others and themselves (that locking him up naked into a car was NOT GOOD yo). Maybe seed into Jedi and Rose the idea that they didn't have to play the cool open relationship card if they didn't really feel like it, since something like this could have been happening at the party already, with them flirting with other people or something.
Anyway, I just think this would have made for less of a frustrating disconnect between the future and the past. I don't want to say that Alex got off too easy because this isn't about punishment, but I do think they didn't have to erase all their mistakes to still end with a happy ending.
3 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
Text
...
#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao#a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head#sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so#i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet#at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me#location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take#measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring#at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which#was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im#just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for#and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do#something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move#like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which#would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data#processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for#vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to#without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding?#idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and#that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it?#anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so#when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok#but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we#just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece#pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked#hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done#unrelated
6 notes · View notes
elektroyu · 1 year
Text
Oh shoot. You know what I just realized?
If I move out in the next months and I'll have to pay for everything myself like internet, rent, electricity and all that...
... that means I'll HAVE to raise prices really soon after opening the shop 😓 and that really sucks?
2 notes · View notes