#and i read that a year or two ago and just bawled my eyes out

[luvingshidou]

YOU DISGUST ME.

....heart to heart???

sae x fem! reader part 1!!

ANGST ANGST ANGST

(sae isn't my fav character but every angst fic I read of him make me bawl)

Growing up with Sae had its perks. Being his neighbour means you could always see whenever you wanted!! Sae also would also always fight with anyone else who would pick on you!! It was like having your own bodyguard. When you were younger and playing with other kids at school, they always made you and Sae the mom and dad, when you asked why they would tease the both of you, saying that you and Sae were gonna get married in the future. You can vividly remember the time when Sae brought you behind a snall tree outside your back garden. He had a white tulip in his hand that he plucked out of one of your mother flower beds he then promised you that when you're older that you'd become boyfriend and girlfriend and live happily ever after.

For the longest time everyone thought you and Sae were dating, you were inseparable, like two peas in a pod. Even you mothers thought you were dating!! As you grew up you could feel your feelings for Sae growing stronger and stronger ever day. That's until Sae got scouted to play for Real Madrid, meaning Sae would have to leave Japan and go to Spain. You were sad when Sae told you that he had to leave and that he won't be back for good while, you almost wanted to plead with him to stay since it would be boring without him but you couldn't, Sae always adored soccer since well forever so you couldn't take this away from him. You remember the day that he left he head for Spain, he stopped at your house before heading to the airport. You remember tearing up and hugging nearly to death. But he looked so happy, but reminded yourself that when he came back, everything would go back you normal.

But still every day that you weren't with Sae was boring, every minute you could feel yourself ageing. You'd always buy bouquets of white topics just so you could feel more connected with Sae. But finally after 4 excruciating years, you finally saw him even though it was completely by coincidental. See you were just walking home after school, when you saw a familiar face, it was Sae, you were almost about to run up to him and his him but that when you noticed, Sae looked cold, his expression was blank and emotionless, he also looked skinnier. God what happened to him in those 4 years when he was playing in Spain???

"Sae???" You called out as you began to walk up to him. "Sae, it's been so long when did you come back???" You ask, a small smile clearly bestowed your face, as you try to push away the worries you were feeling right now.

"Ah, Y/N, I came back a 4 days ago." Sae said but his voice was laced with disdain, it was clear he didn't want to talk with you.

"Ah, shit really??? I can't believe I forgot what day you were coming back." You say laughing nervously, the smile on your face becoming more akward.

"You're still forgetful as ever, I see??" Sae says in a way that just was way too arrogant for your liking. You raised an eyebrow in shock, its been for years since you saw him an he's acting like this???

"Sae, what the fuck??? Its been 4 years since you saw me and your acting like you don't want nothing to do with me???" You blurted out, your akward smile turning into a frown.

"Well, 'cause I don't want nothing to do with you. Y/N you're nothing but a nuisance at this point, you don't matter to me anymore. So can you just fuck off???" Sae scoffs, rolling his eyes in disdain. He was looking at you like you were some sort of deplorable human being.

"Sae I— you fucking bastard. Don't you remember your promise???" You say, it was a bit of a childish thing to say but it was the only thing that you could muster up.

"Y/N what the fuck are you five??? I said that so long ago but you're still caught up about wanting to be my girlfriend are you??? And you're still acting like a dumb brainless bitch. Y/N, you fucking disgust me." Sae exclaims as he began to walk away, not even looking back once.

You stood there for a good 6 minutes processing what just happened, while tears streamed down your face, smudging your makeup, you slowly walked back to your house, tears fogging your vision. Once you got back you ran up to your bedroom, a large clear vase of white tulips sitting on your desk, in frustration you knocked the vase over onto the floor, glass shattering everywhere.

Fuck Sae.

Fuck Sae and his stupid tulips.

Fuck Sae and his stupid shitty promise.

(not proofread tehgeheh😋😋😋)

#post!! #bllk #blue lock #bllk x reader #bllk sae #sae x reader #sae angst #IVE BEEN READING TO MANY SAE ANGST #im not okay💔💔💔 #idk if i like this #sae itoshi

[projectdreamwalker]

Obi-Wan Kenobi Fanfiction Recs

So a year ago today I was bored out of my MIND and saw the “Kenobi” seires title on Disney+ and thought “alright, bet.” And I watched it. I had been out of the Star Wars fandom for probably 6 years and just forgot all the lore, so the Kenobi seires really opened my eyes to how beautiful Star Wars really is. I re-watched all of the movies and proudly bawled my eyes out to all of them. Phantom Menace has a special place in my heart, I must admit.

Just a tribute to all the fic authors that I owe my life to, and to the man who owns my eintire heart, Obi-Wan

❗️Read at your own will! No minors allowed! None of these works are mine!❗️

•House of Memory’s by @meshlasolus I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I opened the first chapter of this book, really. I love how beautiful the love blooms between Obi-Wan and Little One (reader). It is one of gentle loving, loss, and bittersweet ending. It also has a twin series, Come What May that takes place after HOM. It is so uplifting and heart throbbing at the same time. GO READ THEM BOTH!!! Then comes the (almost) one-shot style Obi-Wan and Little One entries. These were a lot more sweet and relieving compared to the other two for what I can remember. Just excellent! This is the series that kick-started my love for him and I often think about this book. Once more, @meshlasolus is an excellent author and cosplayer that is highly underrated, go show em’ some love!!

• The Bond Between Us by @just-dreaming-marvel is the sweet, pulchritudinous, and melancholy book about love, hidden feelings, and the true tragedy of what could be. I love how we are dunked into true immersion through the reader, you get to see, feel and truly experience the Jedi way with this book. This one is super good!

• Where It Wasn’t by @221bshrlocked was just so, SO poetic and I read through it way too quick. I love how the affection and pinning is shown throughout, as well as the overall story. We also give our battle-torn hero the break he deserves. This can be read during the time around the Kenobi series. 12/10 excellent!

• Ascending Star by @orangevtae is sweet and relieving, with a little angst shoved into the thick batter of this fic. Super cute interactions with little Luke warning❗️

• Tomorrow by @scribble-dribble-writes is just so, so cute and mundane that it feels like a warm blanket being put over my heart. Scribble has a lot of cute fics like this one, or angst if you are more into that. Just so lovely and sweet! Love husband!Obi-Wan with my fullest heart. • Water and Rock by @split-spectrum is just so, so fulfilling. I mean, you truly see the real side of the Jedi morals through great writing and excellent characterization. AND, in this one I feel like Obi-Wan actually sticks with his morals and doesn’t try to take advantage of the reader like some other ones I’ve read. Super good with anticipation around every corner.

Anyways, I hope you are doing well! I know this is a weird day for me to just be Obi-Wan posting, but at least I always remember the exact day I feel for him, right?

#obi wan #obi wan kenobi #star wars #x reader #fic rec #fanfiction recommendation #fanfiction rec list #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan x reader

[boltupbitches]

A #94 Jersey

She could feel her hands tremble as she folded the tiny #94 jersey in the equally tiny orange and black gift bag. Black tissue paper was filled into the bag to hide Sam’s surprise. She couldn’t wait to see his reaction.

At 28 years old, the young couple had decided to try for their first child. Sam had been open to the idea right after their marriage two years ago. They had agreed to wait and focus on their marriage first before making another huge leap.

After talking with her gyno two months ago, and stopping her birth control, it was only a matter of time before they got a positive test. Today was that day.

After a couple of weeks of nausea, excessive eating, tenderness of the breasts, exhaustion, mood swings, and a missed period… She decided to buy a test and see what the results would be. It didn’t hurt.

The moment was filled with anticipation. It wasn’t the first pregnancy test she had taken (a scare earlier in their relationship) in her life, but the difference now was the nerves were based on excitement - the trepidation and fear were not there this time.

She bawled in happiness as soon as she read the test and saw the positive results. Her heart was filled with so much joy that she didn’t think a moment in time could ever top her wedding day. This did.

—-----

As she sat down in front of Sam, she could feel her nerves flaring up. She knew he was going to be over the moon with this news. She couldn’t wait to give it to him.

Sam was collecting their dishes to load into the dishwasher when his wife excused herself to the restroom. It was in there she did a little pep talk in the mirror, going over in her head again and again what she wanted to say.

A knock at the door interrupted her low muttering, “Babe,” Sam called, twisting the locked knob. “Are you ok in there?”

“Y-yeah! Just one second! I had one of my earrings stuck in my hair. Can you get the cheesecake cut and ready in the living room? I’ll be right in.” She called back through the door.

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll wait for you to come out before I pick the movie.” He had walked off then, not waiting for her response.

She sighed to herself, smoothing her hands down her face to ease her nerves, “Ok, let’s do this.”

She walked out then, carrying the tiny orange gift bag in her hand.

Sam was sprawled on one side of the couch, eating away at his cheesecake with a hefty topping of strawberry and whipped cream.

Her stomach growled at the sight of her slice sitting on the center table. She cleared her throat to get his attention. The cheesecake would have to wait.

“I got you something today while I was out and about.” She said softly, holding the bag up.

Sam stopped chewing and stared at her in confusion, mute for a few moments, “D-did I forget an important day or something?” He suddenly looked alarmed at the prospect, “Shit - babe - I am so sorry -”

“No - no!” She laughed as she cut off his ramble, “There’s no important anniversary or anything. I just have a surprise for you. That’s all.”

Sam nodded, unsure but at least subdued with her response. “Ok… thank you.” He reached out for the bag, sitting up and putting his plate down next to her untouched slice.

She sat next to him and handed the bag over gently, gulping audibly with nerves.

Sam pulled the tissue paper out, his hands coming in contact with the familiar fabric of a jersey. He stared at her in confusion, “um… is this some kind of lingerie thing?”

His wife laughed once more, “would you just look? And no, it’s not lingerie!”

Sam smiled at her reaction and pulled the cloth material out finally.

It was a folded mini version of his very own #94 jersey. His heart started to beat fast as he realized what the significance of this jersey meant. He had flipped it over to see ‘Baby Hubbard’ on the back.

Sam sat it down on his lap quietly and stared at it quietly for a few moments.

He looked back up at his wife with tears clouding his crystal blue eyes. “We’re having a baby?”

She had tears in her own eyes now, “Yeah. We are.”

He sat the jersey down on the other side of him and pulled her into his arms. He pressed kisses to her forehead as he cried happily along with her. They were finally going to be parents.

“Holy shit,” Sam laughed, happiness beaming across his face as tears continued to pour down his cheeks, “This is one of the best days of my life.”

“Mine too.” His wife agreed before pressing a deep kiss to his lips.

When they pulled away, Sam stared down at her with so much love and fondness it made her knees weak. ‘Thank god I’m sitting.’ She thought to herself.

“Thank you.” He whispered, “This is so fucking amazing. I mean.. Holy shit! It’s our time!”

“Didn’t take long,” She winked, referencing his insatiable appetite in the bedroom.

“It’s not hard when I’m married to the most loving, amazing, and beautiful woman in the world.” He praised, “Holy shit, I gotta call my mom and dad! They are going to be over the moon!” He launched up out of his seat, “Or do you wanna call yours first?” He asked after a moment of realizing they had her parents to call as well.

“We can call yours first.” She smiled, not caring who got the call first.

“Right, right,” Sam rubbed his hands through his grown-out locks, “Holy shit. Ok, ok. I’m going to call them on speaker - be right back!” He dashed off to get his phone off charge in the kitchen.

His wife just smiled as she heard him calling his parents as he walked back down the hall towards the living room.

This was their lives now. She couldn’t believe it. Baby Hubbard would be here by the end of the year.

#sam hubbard one shot #sam hubbard imagines #sam hubbard fanfiction

[animeyanderelover]

May I please request Prompts 14 and 20 for Envy? Given his/their (I don’t mean to misgender, but I don’t know what pronouns you use for Envy, so my apologies if I mess up) character, I feel like they would fit well.

I'm nearly finished with Yu Yu Hakusho!

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, manipulation, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, isolation, mentions of suicidal thoughts

Prompt 14 + 20

You couldn't stay in Central City anymore. It just wasn't the same anymore. Large portions of the city had been destroyed in the fight between the corrupt government and the East and Briggs forces, a lot of people's belief had been shattered when King Bradley had turned out to be a traitor. That all in itself had been shocking enough but you could have endured all those lies you had believed in this entire time. What had in the end broken you and your very core had been the death of your husband and the whispers and rumors that he had been part of the corrupt government. You had known your husband for many years, had fallen for him because of his ambition and his determination and had rejected and defended him even after his funeral in which you had bawled your eyes out.

He wasn't that sort of person! He couldn't have been that sort of person!

Yet the more you had considered it, the more scenarios had popped up in your head where you had caught him acting weird. When had he started behaving that way? Since a long while ago, you couldn't pinpoint when exactly it had happened though and your own denial was to blame for that. Discreet and distant had he become at one point, had rarely talked with you about his work anymore and there had been a few times where he had gotten mad at you when you had been too curious, had even raised his voice at you. Maybe you had been just too blinded by your own love to care to notice and dig a bit deeper, you had always listened to what he had told you only to tell yourself that everything was still fine between you two. Too delusional to notice that there had been a deep cut in your relationship.

Eventually you had sought out the one place that could give you answers to your questions and would confirm to you the truth. The work office of your husband. A place he had strictly prohibited you to enter since all of his important documents were in this room, something you weren't authorized to see. A place that had always spiked your curiosity yet at one point, as you only realized now, you had been too scared of what your husband would do if he would have ever caught you breaking his warning. Had you been scared that he would physically hurt you? Yes, now that you thought about it, you had been and that had opened your eyes even more to how toxic your marriage had become. What healthy marriage would include the fear of being hit and hurt from your spouse after all?

Your determination had shortly faltered when you stood in front of his office though, hand clenching the door knob as you became hyperaware that as soon as you would enter, there would be no turning back anymore. You would most likely find out the heart-breaking truth. Yet you had taken this step, unwilling to live a lie any longer and settle for a life with the constant fear in the pit of your stomach. You'd rather rip the bandage covering the wound away now before you could hurt yourself more.

His office had a lot of documents you couldn't properly read although you knew those were most likely circles used for Alchemy since your husband had been one. As hours passed by which you spent in his room, turning all drawers and sorted documents upside down, you had gotten the confirmation you had looked for. Letters between him and other high officers in the government, detailing the progress of the plan and the obstacles that had appeared, things your own husband had written that had deeply unnerved you as he had talked about genocide and the murder of innocent people and foreign words like Homunculus or Philosopher's Stone and other things you had never heard of before.

The biggest secret of his had been hidden in a locked drawer in his desk, one you had seen yourself forced to break open as you had been unable to find the key. A small packet, filled with weird and red stones which you had assumed to be the Philosopher's Stones mentioned in many of the letters. As you had stared at those red stones, you had finally accepted the truth deep inside your heart.

Your husband had been a traitor and had most likely taken into account that you could have lost your life too but had decided to sacrifice you for their grand plan. No pain, no stinging feeling of betrayal had rosen up inside of you though. Instead your heart had grown cold and numb from the shock all of a sudden as you took everything inside his office hinting at what a cruel man your ex-husband had been, threw it into the chimney and watched calmly how the flames licked at the stuff and erased all hints and traces of it. Only the red stones were kept as you had a feeling that they might be useful later on, not to mention that those stones seemed to hide secrets you wanted to know.

---

It was the last day for you in Central City, tomorrow at this time you would be in a cozy cottage in the countryside and start a new life. The place you had chosen was a bit more isolated as you still saw yourself unable to live under people again after the shock of being shamed by some of your friends and family members due to the reveal that your husband had been corrupted. A part of you resented them for acting that way since you had known nothing about it, the other part hated yourself for exactly that reason. You had never noticed anything as you had submitted out of fear from him and the truth. Why had you been so weak?

"Eeek! It's so ugly!"

"Be careful! It might bite you!"

You were thrown out of your deep thoughts when you heard the giggling and loud squeals from a group of children. They were crowded around something you couldn't see, laughing and making disgusted noises. Whatever it was that had caught their attention, it was rather small apparently if you had to judge from the way one of them was kneeling on the ground, a branch in his hands as he poked and pushed the thing on the ground. An animal perhaps?

You stepped cautiously closer, something about the way they talked about and treated the little being on the ground not sitting right with you. To your surprise, when they noticed you, they quickly scrambled away although you were sure you weren't all that intimidating. You blinked in confusion as you watched them for a while running away before you caught your first glance of what had captured their attention so much in the first place. It was a small, green animal, one that you couldn't identify within first and even second glance. The closest resemblance it had with animals you knew was one of a lizard although this little fella certainly looked a little bit odd. It was laying on the ground, covered in mud and dirt and to your horror you noticed that a piece of wood was still stuck in it's mouth, keeping it from breathing properly.

It barely had energy left but still started scratching and wriggling around in a weak attempt to get away when you scooped it up in your palm, fingers carefully grabbing the piece of wood as you pulled it slowly out. The short motion of tugging on it caused the little one to experience great pain apparently though as a quiet yet painful shriek escaped it, a sound that pained your heart as you saw it shaking and twisting in your palm.

"That's so cruel. Just hang on a little longer, I promise I'll help you." you whispered to the creature in an attempt to soothe it as you continued to pull out the wood, heart clenching as you saw how the animal panicked and suffered simultanously, claws digging into your skin yet it barely scratched it's surface due to it's lack of strength.

One strong and short tug to finally end it's suffering was all it needed to finally pull the wood out of it's mouth and for a very short moment you could have sworn that you saw a glimpse of red inside the little one's mouth, a color that reminded you strangely enough of the red stones you had. The creature in your hand slumped down seconds after the fragment of wood had finally been removed, you assumed it was because of exhaustion and also relief that the pain was finally gone. Splinters were still left in it's mouth and you would have to remove them later on but for now you wanted to give the little one a break after all it must have gone through.

You didn't know how long you spent there, just kneeling on the ground with this tiny animal in your hand, staring at it with all it's scratches and the dirt covering it, breathing gently and silently. When the sun slowly began to disappear though, you had made a decision in your heart. You'd take the little one with you. Not to keep it, just to nurse it and take it with you to the countryside. A city with as many people as Central City wouldn't be a good living space. Carriages, children, cats and dogs could all snuff out this little life with ease. In the countryside it would be probably be saver for this tiny thing.

With that decision in mind, you stood up and walked back to your house, cradling your hand with the animal inside your hand close to your chest.

---

"I know this must be uncomfortable for you but please, I promise that as soon as you're fit again, I'll let you go." you whispered to the jar you were holding in your arms, the train gently rattling and leaving your old life behind you. The little lizard was currently stuck in a jar, something it didn't seem to like at all and honestly, you couldn't blame it. Unfortunately it was the only object you had spontanously found that you could hold whilst still giving the little one enough space. You had drilled some holes in the lid so it could still breathe and watched with slight desperation as it tried to scratch it's way out of the jar. People had given you countless curious looks already whenever they passed you by, some had even grimaced in slight disgust when they had seen the green thing inside your jar, something that had motivated you to press the container protectively closer to your chest.

You were mainly worried about the health of the little lizard as it hadn't allowed you to remove the splinters inside it's mouth yesterday evening. The size of them was what worried you as some of them were still stuck in it's throat, causing it to make some weird noises at times. You had almost imagined that it was trying to say a word at one point but the worried and strange look you had given it had apparently caused the creature to shut up. Judging from the way it had at that moment just curled itself together and hidden it's eyes had almost awakened the impression within you that it was embarrassed about it's situation. Now it had gotten quite lively again, trying to escape the prison it was stuck in. What you had noticed though was that it seemed to be aware of the stares it got whenever someone saw it and in such moments it almost looked like it was...ashamed?

"My god. What sort of ugly pet is that?"

Your eyebrow twitched when you heard a terribly shrill voice next to you and when you turned your head around, you saw a middle-aged woman staring with wide eyes at the lizard inside your jar, a deep and disgusted frown etched into her face.

"This isn't my pet. I just found it wounded in the city and decided to nurse it back to health and free it as soon as it's fit again." you replied, your tone dripping with arctic annoyance as you dearly hoped that she would just pass you by and leave you alone. Unfortunately she didn't appear like she got your hint and just continued with a terribly obnoxious tone that hurt your ears.

"Is this some sort of really hideous lizard? It looks so weird. Maybe it's a mutation or something like that?"

She leaned a bit closer to inspect the little one inside the jar. It had stopped moving the moment she had muttered her first sentences out, freezing in it's position and the more she had spoken, the more it had started to shake. Now, with the face of the woman hovering so closely right in front of the jar, it got scared. A weird and frightened shriek escaping it's throat, causing it to choke on the splinters inside it's mouth and throat before it scrambled as far away as it could. It was slightly shaking, trying to make itself as small as possible as it wrapped it's tail protectively around itself. All whilst the woman continued gawking at it in awe and insulting it, indifferent about the obvious fright she gave the lizard by doing so. That was where your patience ended.

"Excuse you! Don't you see that you're scaring it? I don't care if you find it ugly or not but this little one here is very precious to me! I would like you to leave it and me alone!" you snapped at her angrily, turning your upper body around to hide the creature from her praying eyes.

The woman was clearly startled by your sudden outburst, stared at you in shock at first before a look of annoyance crossed her face.

"What an impolite brat." you heard her muttering out before she left you alone with her nose held high and you dearly wished for her to trip in that moment although you were glad enough that she had finally left.

You let out a frustrated sigh you had held in before turning your attention back to the little fella inside the jar. It was still shivering in the corner, face completely hidden from you.

"It's alright now, she's gone." you muttered gently, watching how the little creature dared to peek at you. It looked so scared in that moment, so weak, that you felt a strong urge to protect it until you could set it free.

"Don't worry. As long as you're under my care, I won't let anything or anyone harm you." you promised warmly and in that moment you meant those words wholeheartedly.

---

"I know this must be highly uncomfortable but if I don't remove the splinters, you might get hurt even more." you tried to calm down the wriggling and moving lizard as you tried to hold it down without hurting it. You had arrived a few hours ago in your new house and had brought all the luggage already upstairs in your bedroom. A tweezers was in your one hand and a magnifying glass was lying next to you.

As soon as you had arrived and checked your new home, you had instantly headed to the town closest to you in order to buy a terrarium for your little friend. It was one of the smaller ones but definitely more suited for it than the jar was. Admittedly, you had some of the most fun building that terrarium since a while and you didn't know why. Maybe because you hoped that the little animal would warm up a bit more to you and be a bit more comfortable inside it's temporary home.

Before you could see how it felt inside this new terrarium, you had to remove the splinters inside it's mouth though. This was highly tricky though as the lizard seemed terrified of this. It bit you whenever you got near it with your tweezers and it's teeth were quite sharp, small bloody bites visible on your fingers and hands. This strong resistence slowly pulled away your patience though as you genuinely just wanted to help it.

"Ouch!" you hissed out when it bit you yet again which caused you to finally let go of it and it took the chance instantly to dash away. It wasn't fast enough though as you just grabbed it and decided to put it inside it's terrarium for now although your slight frustration caused you to be a bit harsher with it than you would have otherwise.

"Fine. Just suit yourself then. I'm just the fool trying to help...as always." you muttered out frustrated, opening a drawer to get some patches and treat the little bite marks of the lizard. You found yourself stopping though, staring at the bites and focusing on the very mild stinging it caused you. There was nothing else to focus on, only silence was in this room besides the animal and you.

Your family hadn't even accompanied you to the train station, had they?

All of a sudden this wave of loneliness came crushing down on you and when you suddenly started to laugh bitterly, you could see the lizard from the corner of your eyes turning it's attention back to you.

"You know why I moved here, little one? Because my husband, well now ex-husband, was part of a corrupted government in the city where I found you. And I? I didn't know anything and a lot of my family members and my friends blame me for it. He never told me anything at all. Always kept his secrets. He's dead though, died in the big fight back then. And you know what? I really wish that I could have asked him if he really did love me or would have been ready to sacrifice me in order to achive this big plan of theirs. And I was stupid enough to never question him because I wanted to keep the marriage intact although I was the only one trying to fix everything. I really hate myself for having been so pathetic and at the same time I hate everyone who abandoned me too. My friends. My family. My ex-husband. I hate them all! I hate everything! They can get lost! But most of all I hate myself!"

It had escalated quicker than you could have controlled it as your emotions got the better of you. Your fist pounded the table angrily as you started shouting, fully aware that no one was here to hear you besides this little animal which hadn't stopped looking at you once since you had started talking. It stared at you as if it had understood you and something about that finally made you snap.Tears were dripping down your eyes, tears you had held back since a long while now as you openly started sobbing.

"I'm so lonely and pathetic. I mean, look at me. I'm using you as my emotional dumpster. I bet if you could talk, you'd mock me and make fun of me right now. Honestly, I deserve it for being the biggest fool ever. And you know what's even worse? Even after knowing the truth and having thrown away everything that could have reminded me of my husband, I still miss him a bit. I'm such a pitiful person, aren't I? No wonder that I was so easily fooled." you continued to sob whilst wailing in self-pity.

Something that almost seemed to make your little patient uncomfortable. It's eyes averted you as it tried to look somewhere else to shift focus yet your loud sobs made it as good as impossible. It shifted it's weight from one leg to another, appeared to be confused on how to handle this situation. Until it suddenly started scratching against the glass of the terrarium in an attempt to gain your attention and when you finally did turn your tear-stained face to it, it opened it's mouth all of a sudden.

Your emotionally overloaded brain needed a good few moments to understand what it wanted from you before a pitiful snort escaped your lips. "Am I so pathetic to look at right now that you're offering to volunteer right now to have your splinters removed?"

To your big surprise, it nodded which caught you off-guard. It understood what you were saying? Both of you just stared at each other whilst you were dumbfoundly processing what you had just seen.

"Huh." was in the end the only thing you could reply with, dazzled with this new knowledge as you pulled the animal out of the terrarium and put it back on the table, quickly wiping away your tears.

---

Months flew by quicker than you expected. Months in which you slowly moved on and slowly healed the wounds in your heart. The change of surroundings truly had been a good decision for you. You worked on a farm close by and earned enough money to live with everything you needed. You still found yourself warily around people though which was why you barely tried to form relationships with people in the city. It made you more of an outsider but you treated everyone with respect and they returned that respect so you felt fine enough.

What you hadn't expected and what you found somewhat funny now in hindsight was that a large part of your healing process had been thanks to the presence of your little friend. The animal had stayed with you. On the day you had decided that it was healed and fit to be set free, it had refused to leave the jar and when you had picked it up and tried to put it into the grass, it had clung to your sleeves with it's claws and had looked at you with such big and frightened eyes, that you had found yourself unable to leave it alone. Being abandoned by someone you trust is a terrible feeling after all. So you had made it officially your pet and had named it fondly (p/n).

By now (p/n) had gotten completely used to your presence so much to the point where you always found it anxiously moving around in it's terrarium whenever you came back from work as if horrified you'd never come back. It had also gotten very cuddly with you and hated being stuck in it's terrarium. You almost always let it roam around freely when you were home though since it never left you alone at all. Always crawling willingly into your arms as you carried it around happily. You even decided to leave the terrarium open so (p/n) could climb around freely and wouldn't have to feel completely imprisoned. It was pretty much the only source of comfort you had and the only living thing you interacted with which was why you found yourself sometimes excessively doting on the little one, something it all but soaked up with great zeal.

Despite all of that, you couldn't help but notice that (p/n) was significantly different from a normal pet. Up til this day you had been unable to identify what it really was which quickly led you to believe that you might have found an unknown animal and assuming that, it's unusual behavior would make sense. It never ate or drank anything and you had never seen it sleeping either. Initially this had worried you greatly which was why you had decided back than that you would take it to a doctor but (p/n) had refused and it had escalated to the rare few times where it had bitten you which it only did when it was really unhappy and angry about something. After a while you had realized that it could live completely fine without any source of nutrition and water though which had releaved you as much as it had fascinated you.

It understood you, by now you were completely sure about that. Whenever you began talking about your husband or even showed it photos, it became clearly uneasy and wriggled around, sometimes even bit you as if wanting you to stop talking. One time you had briefly mentioned that one of your co-workers in the farm was rather attractive whilst tickling it's stomach. In an instant it had bitten down on your index finger, all enjoyment and peace gone as it refused to let go for a while until you had promised to never mention them again. It was jealousy, you were sure of it. It was hard and quite strange to think about it but (p/n) seemed to be jealous whenever you were talking about somebody else.

Then there were moments where you had caught it staring at you with a weird look in it's eyes, mouth opening as if it wanted to say something before turning around. It had mood swings of some sort. Most of the time it bathed in all the adoration you showered it with as it was your only real friend. Sometimes...sometimes though you caught it hiding from you, refusing to be touched or looking up at you with tears in it's eyes. Yes, tears. Your pet wasn able to shed tears, something that had greatly startled you the first time it had happened. On that particular day your little one had looked rather sad and depressed, had refused to come out until you had begged it a good lot to do so. You had just doted on it, had petted it gently until you had felt the wetness on your skin and had noticed with great shock and surprise the tears rolling down it's face. It had covered it's face, had turned away from you and had tried to scramble away which had led you to putting it back down in it's terrarium where it had hidden itself away. Something about the way it had looked at you had told you what it had thought in that moment.

"Don't look at me. Please don't look at me."

---

Arguably the strangest reaction you had gotten out of it, nearly a year after you had found it, was when you told it about all the tings you had found in the work office of your ex-husband. All the letters, the documents and the Red Stones. This had triggered something inside of (p/n) as it had started moving around frantically, had stared at you with wide eyes and had crawled up your shirt, claws digging into the flesh of your cheeks as it had started tugging. You had at that time already enough experience with all the signals it gave you through it's actions and this one had surprised you the most. It wanted you to show it the Red Stones.

You had hesitated for a few seconds as you had found it strange in that moment. It seemed like (p/n) knew something about those stones, something that you didn't know. In the end your curiosity had won you over although you had put your little friend back inside it's terrarium despite their clear displeasure and had gone upstairs to retrieve the box in which you had kept the Red Stones. When you had shown it those stones, they had completely flipped out, had thrown themselves against the glass and had tried to climb up the terrarium. Desperate to get to those Red Stones, something that unsettled you a bit which was why you had instantly put them back into the drawer inside your bedroom even if you knew that (p/n) was clearly unpleased with it and left shortly after to work.

---

When you came home later that evening, you nearly had a heart attack when you didn't find (p/n) in it's terrarium, you nearly had a meltdown as the little one was your only real friend you had right now. It must have climbed all the way up as you noticed the scratch marks in the glass and for a while you were at a totl loss, feeling your breath hitching up as you felt panic flodding your brain. Until you suddenly heard a thud from upstairs and the sudden memory of this morning popped up inside your brain. No, it wouldn't have.

You stormed up the stairs and ripped open the door to your bedroom only to find your little friend trying to climb up the drawer from which it must have fallen down previously. When you threw the door open though, it stopped like a dear caught in headlights.

"What are you doing?" you exclaimed in shock as you stormed over to it and picked it up, searching for any injuries whilst it tried wo wriggle free, eyes focused on the drawer where the box was. If this didn't scream suspicious, then you didn't know what would.

You grabbed it's little head in between your thumb and index finger and pulled it so it faced you as you stared at (p/n) with an analyzing look. "You know something about those stones inside my drawer, don't you?"

It's eyes were looking directly into you and for the first time you could see clearly the desperation swimming around inside of them now that it couldn't avoid your gaze. Your eyes narrowed as a frown appeared on your face and something, an idea, flashed in front of your eyes.

"You know, I've always considered you to be not a normal animal. You...you show too much emotions for that. However, I've never considered to think about that you might be something entirely else. I found you in Central City a few weeks after the corrupted government had fallen, a creature I still haven't figured completely out until this day. What exactly are you?" you interrogated your pet as you opened the drawer and pulled out the box with your free hand.

"If I...if I give you those stones, will I find out?"

You knew this answer already, you would. Why else would it act so desperate right now? But what would it do after receiving those stones? Would it leave you? You didn't want that. You didn't want to be left alone. Subconsciously you already had put the box back inside the drawer.

"please..."

One single word that froze you and had you looking at the little creature inside your hand that had just uttered this word. It was less the fact that it had just spoken, somehow you had always suspected that it could speak. It was the utter distraught inside this one word that halted your actions as you gazed over your little friend. Delicate and fragile inside your hand, you could easily squeeze it to death. It wasn't the physical state of weakness right now, it was the mental state of weakness that caught you so off-guard.

You had nursed this little one back to health back when you had found it all alone and helpless, had taken care of it and doted on it and in return it had stayed with you and cured your loneliness. Was it selfish of you to think right now that you'd rather keep it than potentially lose it by exposing it to those Red Stones? Yes, it was. You were selfish because you didn't want to be lonely again. Yet you couldn't ignore the clear pain in it's voice, the very first time you had heard them speaking at all.

You sat it down on your bed and took the box out again, something that made them straighten up and look at you with eager eyes. For a second you stared down at the box and then at them before you opened it and dumped the few Red Stones inside of it on your bed too. Then you just waited, waited for whatever would happen now. You didn't know what would happen but the motion of the little one suddenly devouring the Red Stones startled you but not nearly as much as the sudden transformation it went through.

You stumbled startled back, landing on your arse as the little lizard grew into something entirely else. It's body grew and transformed into one of a human with long, whispy and green hair, a black crop top and a skort. You were too stunned to let out any gasp or scream as they sat on your bed. Their hands wandered up and down their own body, looking at their limbs as if not believing that this was real before a delighted laugh started spilling out of them, one that sounded a bit too malicious to make you feel happy as they rolled around in your bed.

"My body! I have my body back!" they exclaimed excitedly before sitting back up again, purple eyes turning to you who was still seated on the ground, staring at them in shock. Your brain was attempting it's best to exclaim whatever it had just witnessed as you just continued to stare dumbfounded at them until suddenly a word appeared inside your brain. A word that you had read inside quite a few letters of your husband.

"Are-are you a Homunculus?" you stuttered out dazzled. A grin appeared on their face when you asked that question.

"You know that from the letters from that stupid ex-husband of yours, don't you? Yes, you're right. I'm Envy."

"En...vy..." you said slowly, their name sounding unusual for you since you had always called them (p/n) as you managed to stand up from the ground. Technically you should have run in that moment, every sane person would have probably done that. Yet you were captivated with the Homunculus which had been your pet all along, stepped curiously closer to observe Envy who clearly enjoyed all the attention you gave them.

"Fascinating. Eating those Red Stones helped you return to this form." you concluded whilst standing very close to them, observing their headband with the symbol on it. A part of you was quite surprised with how calmly you were handling this but this was partly because you had never been able to fully grasp the situation back in Central City so having a Homunculus sat right in front of you was very thrilling in a way even if you were aware that they could be quite dangerous now that they were tall enough to fight you and most likely very strong too.

"What do I do with you now though?" you muttered as doubts suddenly filled your mind and you stepped back. This wasn't a small animal anymore that you could keep inside a terrarium, this was a person. And even if you assumed that they still wouldn't require food or drinks like you would, this was still different. You hadn't lived together with a person since your husband had died.

"What do you mean? I've lived with you this entire time. Admittedly, I was weak in my other form, but you had no problems living with me then." they replied as a scowl appeared on their face and you felt one of their hands grabbing you and pulling you back.

"I know but this is a bit different. Back then I thought of you as a pet and a friend. Now you're a person though and...and I haven't lived together with someone since my husband passed away so I feel a little strange even though you are technically still (p/n)." you replied, flustered with the sudden closeness all of a sudden now that Envy had made a move.

"Are you still thinking about that dead corpse of a husband of yours?"

This was new. This was a bit scary as you suddenly whimpered when Envy's grip around you tightened to the point it hurt and you saw an ugly emotion flashing inside their eyes as they stood up and you became aware of how tall they were now.

Are you kidding me?! You still think of him even after an entire year?! Weren't you the one who told me that you hated that piece of shit?!"

You full on flinched when they started shouting at you and for a moment you wondered why they was acting like this all of a sudden. Then it occured to you that now that Envy had his original strength regained and wasn't bound by their weak body anymore, they would obviouly express themselves differently than inside their lizard body. You couldn't get away though even if your body wanted as their grip only tightened with their second arm trapping you successfully close to them.

"Who was the one who gave you comfort these last few months whenever you started crying? Who listened to your rambles whenever you came back from hours from work? Who didn't abandon you? Your family? Your friends? That dead shithead of an ex-husband of yours? No, they all left you, (y/n). Every person in your life left you. I didn't. I stayed with you. I gave you comfort. I was willing to put up with you even if you were all ugly crying. And now that I have my body back, now that I can actually do something, you reject me?!"

It hurt. They hurt you but you were too scared right now as they were all but seething at you right now.

"You were fine staying at home for your husband despite his lies and cold treatment, didn't you? Maybe you just want your asshole of a husband that badly, hmm? I can help with that."

You felt their body changing again and looked up confused. Confusion was soon replaced with horror when you looked right into the face of your ex-husband although the wide and sadistic grin gave it away that this was still Envy. You began to heavily shake as the wall you had built to protect your own emotions threatened to break down as you looked at the man you used to love and believe in.

"Envy...stop. Please stop." you whimpered silently as you tried to push away, to put as much distance between you and your past standing in front of you.

"Why should I? Isn't this what you wanted? Your beloved husband who you always so obediently and willingly gave all your love and affection? Do you still love him, (y/n)?"

You couldn't answer anymore, your chest hurting as your heart threatened to burst out of your chest from sheer horror. Your silence only fueled the raging jealousy inside of Envy though.

"What did he do that I couldn't do right now? You don't love him, (y/n)! Don't be pathetic! You had no problems doting on me and letting me stay with you when I was a little, weak thing! You loved me then, didn't you?! You wanted me to stay with you then! So why now? From all people in your life, I should deserve you the most, you hear me?! ME!"

They had shifted back by now, disgusted with your husband and having to look like him. It had allowed you to regain some of your composure although now that you could look a little bit clearer at Envy, something inside of you clicked. You saw yourself in them right now. Hurt, confused and lonely but unwilling to show that and hiding it behind an angry and raging mask. You had done it too when you had faced your family in order to hide your pain and spite on them. You had even done it on your first day here.

Now that you were thinking about it, you came to realize that Envy had suffered probably a lot too. Stuck inside a weak, little body where everyone could push them around with no hope of ever turning back. How must they have felt? Watching you every day stuck inside their terrarium, having you look at them as nothing more than a pet, loving you?

"I'm so sorry. You must have suffered a lot."

Those words stopped their angry shouting as they stared at you with shock, a hidden look of something very vulnerable lingering behind those purple eyes.

"What are you trying to pull-"

Having your arms thrown around them wasn't what they had expected and they were for a short moment to shocked as the previous anger stopped.

"I'm so sorry. I never considered your feelings even if you've always shown me your suffering. If I would have known sooner, I would have helped you so much earlier. It's alright now."

Envy had completely stiffened at first inside your arms but you slowly felt how they broke apart. Their body started trembling, their breath became erratic and arms pressed you even closer to them as you saw it again.

Tears.

"Don't reject me now after all you've done for me! It wouldn't be fair! Not after you took care of me and shown me so much care and love! I had nothing left back when you found me, (y/n). I thought there were no Philosopher Stones left anymore, I considered suicide back than rather than living inside such a pathetic body and being imprisoned by them. You made life tolerable again for me, even if it would have meant being stuck in this body as your pet and unable to do more. As long as I had your attention on only me...If you leave me, I'll die!"

You tried your best to wipe away their tears, staining your sleeves in the process but not minding one bit. They should let it all out now that they could express themselves better again.

"I won't leave you, I promise. I'm sorry for making it sound like I wouldn't want you anymore now that you have your body back. You'll stay with me obviously, I'll figure something out. We have to work on your jealousy though, otherwise I think I'll have some problems. You should go back to biting my fingers."

You heard them snorting half-amused at your attempt to lighten up the atmosphere as they slapped your hands gently away, wiping the few tears that still dripped down away on their own although now they appeared calmer.

“You think I’m jealous? Believe me, you haven’t seen me jealous yet.”

#yandere fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood #yandere fullmetal alchemist #yandere fma #yandere fma: brotherhood #yandere envy

[stark---contrast]

Come What May

@stevetonygames fill for team Future | Square "Laughing" | For @amysnotdeadyet Rated G | 1.2k words | ao3 link

"I never thought I'd be here," Steve confessed. "As a scrawny, sickly kid, nobody would even look at me twice—and that's if a flu didn't wipe me out before I even had the chance to go on a date at all."

That earned some murmurs of sympathy from the small crowd gathered: familiar faces of friends and colleagues Steve had met in the years after the ice.

Steve cleared his throat and looked down at the card in his hands, with words written in a cursive that hadn't been taught in schools in decades. He’d memorized the contents days ago, but he needed something to do with his hands or he'd end up either standing at parade rest or reaching for a shield that wasn't there.

"The war took a lot from me,” Steve continued. “Even if Rebirth gave me the ability to do what I’d always wanted to, it also made me into something different. Because of the serum, I lost my old life and all my friends—or at least I thought I did."

Steve glanced over his shoulder and Bucky gave a small smirk in encouragement: having Steve's back, like he'd always done.

"I woke up in a place where I had nothing but powers that weren't mine to begin with, thinking I'd missed my chance at a normal life and that being Cap had cost me my humanity," Steve said. Then he smiled, finally looking up to meet the eyes of the man in front of him. “But you've always reminded me of who I really am."

Tony was listening curiously and giving Steve all the time he needed to say his piece, even if he'd teased Steve with 'Jesus, how many cards do you have? I'm blaming you if the guests start snoring' the day before. He was dressed in a three-piece suit that he'd had custom-made, the cut matching Steve's suit and their vests and pocket squares color-coded to create one cohesive unit instead of two separate outfits.

Steve appreciated the symbolism in that.

"Ever since I met you, I've never been just Captain America to you,” Steve told Tony. “Whenever we talked or fought together or, hell, even when we argued—especially when we argued—I was allowed to just be Steve. Even if I didn't get your references, even if I was too stubborn to see things your way, you saw past the shield and treated me like an equal. I’m just a kid from Brooklyn and you're a genius, but you still let me lead the team and came to me for advice even when we didn't get along. Well, a murderbot or two notwithstanding."

Steve smiled and Tony mirrored the action, the corners of his eyes crinkling with lines and wrinkles that had become more pronounced for each year that passed.

"You always said I was too good for a world like this. But coming from one of the most compassionate, generous souls I've ever met, that’s the biggest compliment I could ask for," Steve said. "You're my hero, Tony Stark, and there's no greater honor I can think of than getting to spend the rest of my life with you."

Tony cleared his throat and averted his eyes. "Well, if I didn’t possess even less emotional range than Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, you can be assured I'd be bawling my eyes out right about now."

The crowd chuckled and Steve could see Nat roll her eyes in the front row.

"I've got my own vows right here, but…" Tony frowned at the cards in his hands. "You know what!" He tossed the cards over his shoulder in a dramatic flourish. "I've always been much better at speeches when I'm improvising. Right, Rhodey-bear?"

Tony glanced at Rhodes by his side, who was looking more like an exasperated parent instead of a best man.

“Twenty years and you still won’t read the goddamn cards,” Rhodes deadpanned, yet didn’t look the least bit surprised.

“I'm living in the moment!" Tony protested.

Steve could distinctly make out strawberry blonde hair in the front row being buried between well-manicured fingers as Pepper, their self-appointed wedding planner, had yet another Tony-related silent meltdown.

Steve would probably end up giving her half of their wedding presents out of guilt. Organizing a superhero wedding was no small feat.

"Anyway, what I wanted to say was…" Tony turned back to face Steve. "That I wake up every day knowing I don't deserve you."

Steve's stomach dropped. "Tony—"

"But!" Tony held up his finger. "You've somehow managed to convince me that maybe, just maybe, I can occasionally be wrong about things."

Someone—who Steve was pretty sure was Clint—gasped theatrically and Tony quickly gestured to the guests. "Now don't get any ideas! I'm still a genius, and everything I've been wrong about is strictly Steve-related."

Steve huffed a quiet chuckle. Tony turned back to face him, a somewhat manic smile on his face as he kept talking.

"From things like 'he doesn't want me on the team', 'he hates the mod I made to his suit', 'he's a self-righteous asshole'...Okay, that one's partly true—"

Bucky snorted behind Steve and Steve shot a betrayed look his way, though wasn't able to hide his own smile.

"—To things like 'he's not into men', 'okay he is but he'd never want me', 'he says he's serious about us but I give it two months, tops', and…"

Tony paused, then looked at Steve: really looked at him, as if he couldn't quite believe that Steve was actually here.

"...And most recently, 'he'd never marry someone like me'," Tony said.

Steve's expression softened, as did Tony's smile and, God, Steve really couldn't think of anything better than getting to be with him for the rest of their lives.

"...We are getting married, right?" Tony gave a lopsided grin. "Because otherwise, uh, awkward," he stage-whispered to Rhodes.

Rhodes sighed. "Barnes, get the rings before he jet repulsors out of here."

As Bucky scrambled for the rings with a muttered curse, Steve couldn't help but laugh at the situation. Even in the middle of their carefully planned wedding ceremony—they'd really hear it from Pepper later—Tony had the ability to change the atmosphere into something much more relaxed with just a few words.

It was one of the first quirks that had gone from 'annoying' to 'endearing' the more Steve got to know him.

The glint of the rings drew Steve back to the present. He accepted the tiny box of satin carrying red and blue and gold from a metal hand and exchanged smiles with Bucky.

Tony's attention was back on Steve and he peered curiously at the rings, like he wasn’t the one who had been poring hours and hours in his workshop into them, all the while teaching smithing to a clueless Steve.

The officiant—who thankfully didn't seem to mind the vows getting derailed—cleared her throat and proceeded with the ceremony.

It wasn't long before Steve had a perfect ring on his finger and was slipping a slightly more clumsily-made one onto Tony's. Tony smiled brighter than the sun and Steve's vision blurred from tears, his cheeks aching from smiling so much.

Once they were declared husband and husband, Tony didn't bother waiting for permission before stepping close to Steve and leaning up for a kiss.

And as their friends cheered and Tony's grinning mouth was meeting Steve's in an eager kiss, Steve couldn't think of anywhere else he would rather be than right here:

Surrounded by laughter and their friends, kissing the man he loved who he now had the privilege of calling his husband.

#stony #stevetony #stony fic #steve rogers #tony stark #superhusbands #starkfic #stevetonygames #fic #mcu

[kris-mage-fics]

Okay I gotta ask since it looks so great but I’m still on the fence about it: How scary would you say Scarlet Hollow is? For context, I’m a HUGE baby when it comes to horror- like even the most “mild” scary movies I watch between my fingers. I love a psychological thriller, but that’s about as far as it will go. I was also a kid who read Goosebumps and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark even though they inevitably freaked me out and gave me nightmares for years lol. Would you recommend to someone who loves a good story but is a big Scaredy Cat like myself?

Yes I would, because honestly I'm a big Scaredy Cat too! I wouldn't have even tried the game if two friends on another discord server didn't assure me that it wasn't really scary. In my opinion it leans more into the psychological side than really terrifying. Compared to movies like Saw or Se7en* it's much tamer. (Since I've seen very little horror I can't give a lot of examples to compare SH too.) If you've seen the anime Madoka Magica, I'd say it's similar-ish levels to that, a little scarier because of the more realistic art style. Actually, part of the game is inspired by the anime. I tend to get nightmares easily from things that freak me out, and I haven't had one from playing Scarlet Hollow. Though I have bawled my eyes out, especially at the end of Episode 4! It's just so tragic! There are some kinda gross and gory parts but it's not really heavy, because that's not what the story is about. It's really focused on things like generational trauma, and how the choices of a lot of character's ancestors affect the present. Just exploring those ideas through supernatural happenings and horror. (Is that the definition of Gothic Horror? Idk, I'm not genre savvy when it comes to horror.) You can always try out the demo, which is Episode 1. That should give you a decent idea of how scary it is. Though everyone has a different view on which part is the scariest so far. The devs have an extensive trigger warning list available as well, so feel free to check it out. Of course there are some vague spoilers in it. You won't encounter everything on the list in a given playthrough, since some of it is highly dependent on your choices. But no shame or judgement from me if you think it's too scary. Taking care of your mental health is more important than playing a game! <3 *Yes I know Se7en isn't really horror, but from what I remember, it was pretty gruesome. Granted I watched both it and Saw in my early 20's, so a long time ago. At this point in my life there's no way I could handle watching either of those movies again.

#I know most of my SH mutuals are horror fans and I'm curious how scary y'all think it is #a few people in the ShoH discord server have played it too and they really liked it but I don't know what their scary tolerance levels are #after I played Episode 4 I woke my husband up when I crawled into bed bawling and he had to comfort me until I finally fell asleep #thankfully he's used to me crying a lot because of media #he gently teases me about my heart being a marshmallow and he's not wrong lol #now y'all know my deep dark shame - I'm a softie who cries at the drop of a hat #(that's a joke) #scarlet hollow

[rrxnjun]

(im really stupid but i hope u like this fanletter 😭)

hello <3 this is for my favourite writer on tumblr; to the the same writer who does not realise how much their works could mean to someone, the lovely @rrxnjun 🎀 !!!

so, i found your blog at the beginning ot this month– november, 2023, and now that the month's about to end, i have nearly finished reading all your nct works.

to me, this month is the most special one of this year. why? because i found your blog, your stories– some pieces of your mind. i found you through one of those nct fanfic recs, 'take the stairs - njm' being the first work i read from you. it was sweet, it made me happy. and then i read the other two parts of the 'simplify romance' series, which will always hold a special place in my heart.

this year has been the worst for me, with no one for me to lean on to, weird identify crisis shit, and losing myself in this tiring process of growing up. but you know what? you saved 2023 for me. when no one's words could speak to me, yours did. you make me feel a little less lonely.

im a silly teenager, who never read sad/mainly angsty stories before i found you because i was scared, i was confident i'd cry. and i did. i gathered the courage to read angst only because you'd written it, and it was so worth it. ive stayed up so many nights this month just to read your works in peace and privacy, hidden from my family, and then spend the days thinking about how you literally create art, and telling my bestfriends about it. you are blessed. you are phenomenal. no amount of thank yous or i love yous could be enough for me to express my gratitude. you've made me feel so at peace with my thoughts sometimes and you've made me feel like i'm not alone. you have magic in your hands. i owe you so much, i wish i could gift you something, but sadly im still a minor and theres a few years until i finish uni and then get a job, and then i promise i'll get you something, because i am so lucky to be able to read your stories for free. you deserve so much more than followers, likes and reblogs. each one of your fics have made me tear up and all of them are too special for me.

this month ive read all of your nct dream '00 line fics, and my favourite was 'happier than ever' which i finished a week ago— AND I SWEAR THAT FIC DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭 it had me bawling my eyes out for two hours on a school night i love it so so fucking much, i literally think about it daily and i told all my friends about it and im so in love with it, please tell me, for my inner peace that renjun and the reader ended up getting together and being fine because im gonna cry over it for the rest of my life IDC IF THEY DIDNT END UP TOGETHER please lie to me and tell me they did 💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i want you to know, and to remember this whenever you feel even a little like giving up— you have magic, bar, don't ever let go of that magic.

your stories make me want to heal and to help everyone heal. to be loved and to love everyone. to be cared for and care for everyone. your magic helps me survive my days with a little smile. thank you so much for everything you've done for me, without realising you're helping me live.

every single word i wrote here– i swear on everything i have, i genuinely mean it. you are the best thing that happened this year :) i hope that one day someone will love you as much as i love your blog.

(me when i talk about your work)

P.S. permission to take a screenshot of your blog and paste it to my scrapbook by which i can remember my teenage years that your stories mended, please?

thank you for reading, ily ❤️

- your biggest fan (hopefully no one's more dedicated!!) 💘

when i saw this in my inbox i got so emotional i couldnt reply immidiately because i genuinely wanted to sob. this is so so sweet and it mustve taken a long time to type out and i appreciate you a WHOLE lot, not only for this, but also for supporting me sm over the last month. :,)

take the stairs is a very sweet and fun fic and i am glad you found my blog through this one, haha. the simplify romance series holds my favorite fics and i PROMISE to finish jeno's entry at the beginning of the next year!! it HAS to be done. it means a lot to me that you took the time of your day to read my works and that you enjoyed them so much to let me know.

i am happy to hear that my work could help you through some hard times. as a reader on this platform as well, i do know that feeling very well and i could never imagine being that person to someone, but i am glad my words could be there for you when no one else could. hearing this makes all the effort feel worth it, and it's something i'll think of whenever im having a hard time with my work again. i also hope life is nicer to you in the future, and if you ever need someone, my inbox is always open.

having my fics be called art is something i never imagined could happen. it's beyond what i think about my work, but i am honored to hear this compliment, truly. despite being a writer i cant find the words to express my gratitude towards you and your supportive words right now >:( it does mean the whole entire world to me. please do NOT worry about "paying me back" or something, i do this because it's what i love doing and sharing my work with others makes me happy, so an ask like this is more than enough for me. you made me feel really appreciated and i will remember and treasure your kind words forever.

happier than ever is definitely a heavier read, since it's partly from personal experience, hh. i tend to project on renjun a lot so take this as a warning for my other renjun fics LMAO. TT this fic has a special place in my heart and hearing you talk so highly about it makes me all warm on the inside hhhhh my love langugage is words of affirmation stop this or ill cry. i enjoy leaving my fics open-ended to interpretation of the reader, so whatever you feels fits their story is how the story ends for you. <3

i will definitely use this ask as a reminder to not give up when i feel like doing so. it really brought me a lot of strength :) thank you for calling my writing magic. i never imagined someone describing it that way, but it does feel good to hear haha

knowing that my work helped somebody and made them heal and feel all sorts of emotions inside makes me feel at peace. thank you so much. SO much.

also u really make me want to bawl with that scrapbook comment. cant believe im an important part of someone's teenage years :((

once again, words cant express how much this means to me. thank you and i hope my fics continue to be a source of good things for you :) i will think of this often. ily

#💌ask #feedback !! #<3

[lokeanheart]

Hi! I’m not sure if you’ve answered something like this before but I was wondering how you first realised that Loki was there for you. I’m currently trying to connect with a deity (I’m not doing a great job at the moment because executive dysfunction) but I’ve been struggling quite a bit and I’ve only had one experience a while back that might be considered a brief interaction so I was wondering what your experience in this sort of area might have been like and how you managed to grow closer to Loki.

Omg hi hi hi my first Anonymous question 

This is so fun !

Well I started worshiping Loki maybe two and a half months ago and I’m still pretty new

Even being a a Lokean for years there’s still new stuff to learn

Never feel like a deity isn’t listening or isn’t there

They are ! I promise!

For me I found Loki when I was in a very low low spot in my life . I randomly one day started to love marvel loki (I didn’t like marvel at all had no intentions on ever liking it) then I sorta had that whole phase ..then I found out it was all based in norse mythology

So I read up on it and honestly I felt to drawn to loki and I just had to learn more . I began reading about people’s stories with him and realizing most of the symbols (animals ,food, sounds , elements) that he was associated with are all things that were in my life constantly.

So I then made a huge decision to break from my horrible religious trauma (my family strongly believes in god and hates gays and stuff like that’s soooo…being bisexual and genderfluid and lokean.. they didn’t like that)

and I can say that’s probably the best thing I’ve every done - like I feel like I can breathe and be my authentic self.

I realized he was there mostly because I keep fucking getting one fly that won’t fucking leave me alone (it’s actually bothering me rn and I have no fucking clue where it came from when this house is clean so I’m gonna say this is definitely Lokis silly ass)

Also I had such a huge love for red foxes out of nowhere like I just adore them and that’s also another animal associated with him

And sometimes I’ll just be drawn to things in stores or anywhere really and it almost always has something to do with his mischievous lil ass

But other then that I’ve downloaded an app for norse runes and stuff and I’ve started a journey there .

I try my best to be open to not only Loki but the ones that he surrounded himself with- like his children or odin thor etc..

Loki is a funny lil shit and really will be protective

I’ve found that out the hard way when

I came out to my family and told them I felt very misunderstood and depressed and unloveable talked out my abuser and stuff like that

And they all sorta called me crazy and yknow stupid shit like that

But I went out side to bawl my eyes out and my mom was texting me and it was sorta overwhelming and my phone was at 60% I chatted with my pal Roman and that thing shut down…literally turned off and I just sat there in the dark scared and anxious and then there was this bizzare calm like it was ok ..like a parents hug would fix whatever was going on and just as I thought about how I suddenly felt better the wind started to sort blow a cool breeze on my face and when I tell you that was like the best feeling after sobbing and ur eyes burn and face stings ..

But I look back and think ..yeah that was Loki

I try to get closer to him by learning about him more .

try traditional meals that they might like

Or listen to music that is associated with them or reminded u of them

Even a simple “hey thanks for always being there you’re really great !”

Or

“Good morning !” “Goodnight!”

Write poetry for them and draw for them

Wear something that reminds you of them

Or even a pendant or something of that sort

I just recently bought a bunch of lokean stuff

Candle

Necklace

Books

It’s all about patience and believing that they will be there

I can even leave some good Etsy shops I shop from that u might enjoy if u happen to worship loki they have good stuff

If you ever need a friend or anything I’m always open to dms

I have instagram it’s lokeanheart

Also I recommend this song

It’s a pretty good song

#lokean #norse loki #norse magic #norse mythology #norse pagan witch #norse paganism #norse religion #norse witch #norse god loki #norse runes #loki deity #loki worship #loki devotee #anon ask

[500days-of-autumn]

28th of august ‘22

I was browsing over one of my favorite artists’ newly released album and I stumbled upon this. It has been a week and I am still as obsessed as ever with her song ‘Backburner’.

To be honest, I never really knew about the word backburner until I encountered it in her album. I searched it on Google, and it said:

“If something is on the back burner, it is temporarily not being dealt with or considered, especially because it is not urgent or important: We've all had to put our plans on the back burner for a while.”

I couldn’t imagine being on someone’s backburner, or their second (or maybe even third) choice, or being put to last because you’re not the priority. But actually, it’s not being someone’s least priority that made the song devastating to me.

For me, it’s how we still feel joy and settle for the less despite them treating us like that.

I can't lie, it feels nice that you're calling

You sound sad and alone, and you're stalling

And for once, I don't care about what you want

As long as we keep talking (as long as we're talking)

If the old version of myself learned about this song then, I know she would bawl her eyes out for a night. And then, after that night, I know she would still choose to go back to someone.

Actually, if someone were to read this, especially when they knew me before, they would think that I’m being too cheesy about a moment in my life that happened 5 years ago. I don’t know, I feel that people won’t actually get where you’re coming from because they didn’t experience it themselves. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) blame them though. It’s my choice and my experience to begin with.

It's pathetic, but at least you are, too

I don't know what to do

I don't like anyone except sometimes you

Oh how I love to be self-aware (that we’re pathetic.) Yet, despite knowing, we still make ugly decisions, right? Is this in our nature as humans or what.

After everything you put me through

I somehow still believe in you

Just why are we settling for less… really.

Someone Great (2019)

I watched Someone Great for the third time 3 days ago. I was crying at 2 AM as Jenny read her letter-slash-monologue directed to her boyfriend of nine years.

Nine years.

Imagine knowing someone head-to-toe to the point that you’re able to recognize their side burns, the length of their legs, or their nape. Created memories with them that every street and sidewalk you’ll pass by has a corresponding moment of you and them together. Nine years was a lot for two people.

I was reminded of Backburner as I was watching Someone Great. The odd thing about it is that they’re not actually related to each other at all. Jenny was not on Nate’s backburner, neither is Nate was on Jenny’s. They were always each other’s priority. Again, for nine years.

But I guess what makes this heartbreaking is that despite picking each other and being their own first choices in those years, they still aren’t made to be together.

Now the question is: Would you choose to be someone’s then-priority or to be on their backburner?

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried

'Cause maybe you'll finally choose me after you've had more time

I thought I was a fast learner

But guess I won't ever mind, guess I won't ever mind

The common thing about the two is we are all being faced with possible choices, right? But honestly, what’s the better choice between the two—or better yet, what’s the less devastating decision?

Maybe I blame my mother bleeding into my stride

Maybe it was my father and his wandering eyes

(It's their fault that) I'll always be in your corner

'Cause I don't feel alive 'til I'm burnin' on your backburner

Niki’s Backburner also mentioned something related to her (although I don’t want to assume) parents’ relationship. For me, it posed how her settling for the bare minimum is related to how her mother did. And yes, this is why some people stay with someone who gives them the least amount of effort; because even if we are not the priority, this is, by far, the most amount of love we have ever gotten. It reminded me of a quote from a movie that I love:

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

The song ends with the word backburner being repeatedly said. Like it’s haunting us… backburner, backburner.

I hope one day we’ll all realize how we all deserve the better things in life. Even if we think we don’t deserve it, but honestly, we do.

#backburner #niki #Spotify

[bunni-bun]

15 Questions, 15 People

tagged by the lovely sweetheart @mygwenchan 💖

1) Are you named after anyone?

not my first name but my middle name is after my grandmother!

2) When was the last time you cried?

yesterday because i'm rewatching Kiseki: Dear To Me and the last half of the show makes me bawl my eyes out.

3) Do you have kids?

nope and i'd rather not have any, i'm good lmao

4) What sports do you play/have you played?

i count it as a sport but i did marching for 2 years in high school and a year in college. shit's tougher than people give it credit for and i'm always gonna remember our director telling us that we trained harder than our football team (true lmaoooo)

5) Do you use sarcasm?

now why would you think that? 🤔

6) What's the first thing you notice about people?

eyes! i love people's eyes a lot. that and height because most people are either taller than me or are my friends, who are significantly shorter than me when i think about it.

7) What's your eye color?

[kpop voice] brown eyed girl

8) Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings because i'm not a huge fan of scary movies or horror in general and i'm a sucker for a good ending. people deserve joy.

9) Any talents?

i used to play the flute but for now, i can sew, i make jewelry and flower crowns occasionally, and i can sit really weird because my legs are the longest part of my body.

10) Where were you born?

i'm from upstate NY! unfortunately, i am bound to the confines of Florida and we all know how i feel about that (i hate it here)

11) What are your hobbies?

now i can include watching BL (lmaoooo) but for the most part, i like to read, sew, make jewelry, bullet journal, and sing! also write, on those rare occasions now.

12) Do you have any pets?

i used to have two dogs but one crossed the rainbow bridge from old age a few years ago and the other one ran away and has never been found. i miss my dogs a lot. i'd love to have one again.

13) How tall are you?

i'm 5'3"! so average, by most standards

14) What was your favorite subject in school?

english! it was my best subject always and in college, i adored all of my writing classes. it was a joy to write and a joy to read anything in class!

15) What is your dream job?

i do Not dream of labor but if i had to, i'd want to be a travel writer like those people who write about the places they get to vacation to. i'd get to do the two things i love: traveling and writing. that or like a mattress tester, lmao. i just wanna be paid to take a nap.

i can't think of 15 people but here's some homies: @whileyoureinschoolidothisallday @chalkrevelations @ellieellieoxenfree @kailmursilis @vegussy @therealblessedaffliction @eroshiyda @river-muse @skullswithsunflowers @technicallyverycowboy and anyone who wants to join in the fun 💖

[neontokyoo]

Ask Game For Writers

Do you listen to music while you write?

I actually have two different writing playlists. I usually write with classical music or music that goes with the story and gets the creativity flowing because if it’s super quiet my mind tends to wander and I end up leaving my current draft to write a new one and then my perfectionist ass can’t keep up with my own thoughts and all of my documents are mixed up and it’s total chaos.

2. Computer or pen and paper?

Sometimes I will write in a notebook when I’m in the car or I’m not able to type anything just because I get really good ideas at the most random times. I usually type it though because I feel like it’s a lot easier for my left-handed ass.

3. Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

I have never actually published anything due to copyright because none of it is mine except for the storylines. I could probably publish an original work in the future, but I don’t really think I would want to because writing is just a hobby I do for fun and I really don’t care too much about getting famous or making money off of it.

4. How much writing do you get done on an average day?

I have absolutely no idea. Probably like five to ten thousand words a day because of requests and my current WIPs.

5. Single or multiple POV?

I mostly write in second person. However, I like to write about multiple characters’ thoughts and feelings.

6. Standalone or series?

I enjoy both. Although, in reality, I have never actually published a series yet because my mind usually wanders away from it before I can even finish it.

7. Oldest WIP.

Probably one of my unpublished Wattpad stories, Opposites (Sherlock x reader). I’m trying to get it published whenever I can, though. I just haven't had the inspiration or motivation to continue writing it yet.

8. When did you start writing?

I started writing about four years ago when I was in my Fairy Tail obsession.

9. What was the first story you've ever written?

I don’t even remember what it was but I remember it being a NaLu fanfiction for Fairy Tail.

10. What genres have you written for so far?

Romance, fanfiction (fluff and angst if those count).

11. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfictions from that fandom?

Yes. I do that with every single fandom I find myself obsessing over. I did it with Haikyuu, Fairy Tail, MHA, Demon Slayer, Attack on Titan, and Inuyasha.

12. Have you ever written a fic and never decided to publish it? Why?

Yes. Because I feel like I’ve been copying the Yuumori anime and Manga too much and I have A LOT of editing to do before I publish it.

13. What is the biggest change between when you started writing in fandom and today?

Probably the tone (I think). When I first started writing when I was like fourteen, I was really unorganized and scattered. I was using numbers instead of typing out “she was fourteen years old” and it really sucked now that I look back at it. Now my writing is more formal when I write stories because I type how I think instead of how I speak. Which is probably why everything else isn’t as organized because when it’s not a fanfic I stype how I speak.

14. In your opinion, what’s your most underrated fic?

I feel like in general my most underrated fic is the Sherlock x reader wedding one. Again, I love William more than anything, but this one had me in tears. You know those certain parts of either a story your writing or somebody elses story and it has you like screaming into your pillow for 10 minutes after every paragraph? That was literally me while writing that one.

15. What’s your most overrated fic?

In my opinion, it’s either just every single William fanfic I write, or it’s the amount of Mycroft angst requests I receive every day. It seriously makes me giggle with how angsty Mycroft’s relationship with the reader is. Has me giggling while I bawl my eyes out while I write it. That’s officially my new genre now: Mycroft Angst.

16. Has there ever been everyone who’s made you freak out because they’ve read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed your work?

Okay, when I first started posting on Tumblr it was because I happened to run into @moriartyluver and a few other blogs that I don’t remember because I never saved anything and let me tell you when I started getting notifications that said they either liked, reblogged, etc., my heart nearly stopped beating because I really wasn’t expecting for the inspiration to end up reacting to my work and it just made me really happy. It’s unbelievable how quickly my blog is growing and how many people enjoy it. I love you all! <3

17. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

When I get asks that are always telling me like “I am so obsessed with your writing” and things like that it just makes me really happy and gives me more motivation to continue writing just knowing how many people enjoy my content.

18. Are any of your stories inspired by personal experiences?

A lot of them have references to my own personal experiences or things that I’ve seen other people experience because I feel like it’s a lot easier to write about things that I’ve actually experienced.

19. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

William. He is literally husband material no matter what you do to him. As long as the writing style is good, I’m going to end up being obsessed with literally any and every fanfiction I read and/or write. He’s just perfect in general, and there isn’t really much you can do to ruin him.

20. What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

I feel like the most embarrassing thing I have ever written is sexual content/smut because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing due to my lack of experience.

21. Do you write every day?

I try to, but sometimes I’m unable to due to school and/or work. Exams are killing me and taking up most of my time lately, so I’ll write whenever I have the time, but usually I only get like five minutes every two hours between studying. I’ll definitely have more time to write this summer.

22. What time of day do you prefer to write? Why?

I usually write in the morning before school and/or before my first class starts, as well as late at night when I have more time.

23. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

I feel like I do, but I definitely feel like I could write more. I just don’t have time.

24. Favorite writing snack?

Oreos & milk, goldfish, and cinnamon rolls.

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process?

I think that my favorite part is coming up with ideas to write about or add into a story. Even though 95% of the time they never make it to the finished project.

26. What’s your favorite emotion to write?

Mycroft angst and William fluff

27. What kind of endings do you prefer?

I actually have no idea. I want to say that if I had to pick one it would be cliffhangers or endings that didn’t really make sense because it always has me trying to figure out wtf just happened.

28. Do you plan or jump right in, and if you plan, how much do you like to do before you start a story? 

I kind of do both if that makes sense. I’ll come up with an idea, think about how I want it to go, and then I’ll start writing without even drafting it. And then I usually have to go back and rewrite half of it because the original version was absolute shit.

29. Narrative or dialogue? 

Dialogue. I cannot go without somebody talking because I feel like it gets really boring and I end up passing out halfway through it just because I’m wasting all my time and energy trying to make it more interesting.

30. Describing people or settings?

I feel like I’m better at settings just because every single one of my character descriptions are always: “He was tall and skinny with ____ eyes and long ____ hair”. You know? But with settings I can be a little bit more descriptive like “the grass was green with a variety of different types of flowers blooming. The sky was cloudless, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, …”

31. Show a piece from your current WIP/most recent story, up to 30 words.

The same one that probably will never be published, but at this point, I really don't care anymore.

“‘I am afraid there is little that can be done,’ William confessed to Moran and Bond after we had recounted our encounter with the woman. 'Once wed, the bond between a husband and wife is irrevocable. Unless, of course, the matrimonial union is terminated by unspeakable means.’

”'Till death do us part,’ I uttered aloud as if reading my brother’s thoughts.

“'Indeed,’ William concurred. 'Unfortunately, there are no alternatives. The only solution is to eliminate one of the partners.’”

#asks #ask games #writer asks #writing asks #asks for writers #ask games for writers #moriarty anime #yuukoku no moriarty #moriarty the patriot #moriarty the patriot x reader

[loveless-scribes]

100 Days, 100 Drabbles: Day 5

I make no apologies, I love these two so much and canon can go to hell. 

--------------------------------------------------------------

Day 5: First

ShikaIno musings after all is said and done.

-------------------------------------------------------------

She loved Sai.

But Shikamaru was her first.

It wasn’t some sort of forbidden memory she held on to in the dark of night, where her husband’s eyes could not see. It was simply a part of her being. A part of the story that made her who she was.

Ino did not think Sai cared, at least, he had never asked and anyway, it was all in the past now.

Shikamaru was the first to have comforted her when she cried. All those years ago, when Sakura had declared they could no longer be friends, crushing Ino’s heart, Shikamaru had been there. He had patiently listened to her berating her so-called friend, calling her the worst of names for destroying their friendship over a crush. She had been furious, ready to break something.

When Shikamaru yawned, he had made himself a willing target.

She’d grabbed him by the collar, asking him if he was ready to die. But he merely looked her in the eye and said, “Do you always go on a rampage, instead of just admitting you’re sad?” She’d released him as if he’d burned her and turned away in a huff, unwilling to let him see the effect those words had on her.

“What a drag,” he’d muttered. “It’s okay to cry, you know?”

She was going to say something snarky and deny she felt anything of the sort, but a gentle, comforting pat on the back blocked the words in her throat. It was a half-hearted tentative gesture on his part, but it had sent the tears bubbling over. She’d turned around and bawled into his chest before she rightly knew what she was doing. He’d continued patting her back awkwardly, and embraced her loosely while muttering reassurances, likely hoping the storm would pass soon.

They were too young to know better back then. This was the third generation of Ino-Shika-Chou and she might have jeopardized it – and for what? Things wouldn’t have worked out between them. Shikamaru was as lazy as they came, she thought to herself with a fond smile. Too lazy to add sugar to his tea, although if truth be told he preferred it a little sweeter. Too lazy to make his bed in the morning. Too lazy to fight for her.

Ino thought back on the memory with a smile as she folded the laundry. Inojin was going through another growth spurt, his wardrobe would need restocking soon.

She didn’t regret her choices, they had all led to where they needed to be, hadn’t they? And Shikamaru was happy where he was. Yes, all was as it should be.

Ino started as a knock sounded at the door. Her thoughts had gotten away with her again. She rose to her feet and made for the door as she wondered, in a small voice in the back of her mind, as if she had to protect the idea from someone who could read her thoughts, what might have happened if Shikamaru wasn’t so lazy.

Ino pulled open the front door, only to find Shikamaru standing beyond, as if summoned by her musings. He glanced at her from beneath perpetually furrowed brows, a new feature of adulthood, a small frown on his lips – a wordless complaint that she had taken too long answering the door.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Ino smiled, crossing her arms over her chest. She knew how to mask her true feelings, something she had in common with her husband. While Sai’s mask was placid, hers was so vibrant no one would think to look past it. No one but Shikamaru.

“I’m on-call, mind if I crash here for a bit?” He scratched the back of his head and yawned, already making his way past the threshold. They’d been in and out of each other’s houses since they were children, he wasn’t about to start asking permission now.

“Be my guest,” Ino waved him in and shut the door behind him. “I was just doing some housework.” She gathered the rest of the laundry into the basket and set it aside to fold later.

Shikamaru sprawled onto her sofa and laid the back of his wrist over his eyes, immediately aiming to get some sleep. Ino glanced at her friend fondly before making her way into the kitchen. “Is Temari still in Suna?” she called, opening the fridge to seek out some refreshment for the tired strategist.

“No, she’s home. I just didn’t want to bother her. And the walk would be a drag, they’ll be calling me any minute.” Shikamaru’s mumbled answer only half-reached her ears, she filled in the blanks herself, knowing him well enough. Not only did he not want to bother Temari, he didn’t want to end up nagged into helping around the house when all he really wanted was a nap.

Ino reentered the common area and pressed the can of lychee juice she had retrieved from the kitchen against his temple. It was a blisteringly hot day and Shikamaru’s eyes blinked open at the cool touch.

“Thanks,” he muttered, taking the can from her. Their eyes met. They shouldn’t have. Ino smiled coolly, it was up to her to keep the balance. To not let anything from the past rekindle and ruin their friendship. No, her marriage, she reminded herself. To not let it ruin her marriage. And his, if she was being fair.

“You know, if you would help out a little on your own, Temari wouldn’t always be chasing after you.” Ino returned to the laundry she had been folding, a convenient excuse to deflate whatever that brief moment of eye contact might have meant.

Shikamaru sat up and popped the tab of his cold drink. “I know.”

Ino was used to this. It was a part of every interaction she had with them. The tightrope-walk of staying the best of friends and nothing more. She almost didn’t even think about it anymore.

He glanced around the neat house where Ino lived with her family. It wasn’t as big as his near the woods, and much closer to the Hokage tower, but it was neat and filled with Ino’s touches. Curtains the color of her eyes, little knick-knacks of things she liked, the little hand carved image of a deer he had given her once, and flowers in every room – he suspected she picked each bouquet with the language of flowers in mind. She’d often gone on a tangent about such things when Choiji had asked on their breaks. Chouji liked to hear Ino talk, and Shikamaru had successfully tuned her out on such occasions, observing the cloud formations instead or simply napping.

The place was neat as a pin, and the smell of something delicious they were likely having for dinner wafted through from the kitchen. He never would have imagined that domesticity would suit Ino. Even now, he wondered if she missed the adrenaline rush of the battlefield. She had seemed more suited to it than either him or Chouji, but, he supposed, she had seen enough after the events of the fourth world war. Maybe her flowers were like his clouds.

He drank from the cool can, the lychee juice was cold and delicious. His favorite, but of course she knew that.

He remembered another time she had pressed such a can into his hand. When he had been craving something sweet after a night on the town. He had had no desire to go drinking, but Ino and Chouji had persuaded him with more than a little browbeating. It had begun to rain on the way back, and Chouji had taken off towards home leaving himself and Ino to do the same.

Who had mentioned that the way back to his place was too long a walk in this weather? It was Ino, then, wasn’t it, who’d said her place was nearby? Her father was on a mission and her mother was visiting Ino’s grandmother so the place was abandoned. Shikamaru hadn’t known that, but even if he had, he would have gone anyway. They were friends, and nothing more. Besides, he knew Ino’s type. Guys like Sasuke and Sai. He was barely even a man to her, or so he’d thought.

They’d been tipsy and when he’d moved to toss the can, they’d nearly stumbled into one another, causing Ino to burst out laughing. It really wasn’t that funny, Shikamaru recalled, but she’d always been a funny drunk. How had they ended up on the sofa together? Ino was telling him something about his ears. How they were there just for show even though he never listened to anything she was saying.

“Earth to Shikamaru,” she’d whispered into his ear, “can you hear me?”

He still recalled the jolt that had travelled down his spine when her soft breath brushed the shell of his ear. He had shivered, which made her giggle. And because he had felt she was laughing at him, he’d wanted to get the better of her. How had that ended with his mouth on hers?

Shikamaru sighed and rubbed his forehead. What was the point of all of this? He glanced at the can in his hand. The juice was to blame. Clearly.

“You okay?” Ino glanced at him, genuine concern in her sky-blue eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” Shikamaru drained the contents of the can before setting it down. “Maybe I’d better head home after all, Temari’s likely to give me hell.”

“As you like,” Ino shrugged, folding a t-shirt.

Shikamaru watched her a moment longer. Her movements were controlled and graceful. She had an elegance about her that was pleasant, like the way the clouds drifted across the sky. Beneath her confident, smug exterior was a woman who cared so deeply for the ones she loved, that she allowed herself to be hurt for them. And then she bore that hurt alone. He had always thought that guys like Sasuke and Sai would never see that. But apparently, Sai had. Good for him.

Shikamaru rose to his feet, “Thanks, Ino.”

Ino smiled again, that cool smile that said neither too much nor too little. Friends, it seemed to say. And if Ino was monitoring her smiles, then he could at least have the decency to monitor his thoughts. After all, it had been almost two decades since she’d pinned him to her family’s living room floor. And at least fifteen years since he’d returned the favor.

When would he stop wishing to upset the score just once more?

When would Ino settle into the backdrop of his life and stop being the light at the end of a tunnel?

He loved Temari, he truly did.

But Ino was his first.

#shikaino #inoshika #post canon #they should have been together #NO REGRETS #I love them so much #Cries into the void

[douwatahima]

tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

thank you @thermoskind for tagging me!

three four ships: look, i tried to narrow this down to three but i thought of these four and got sad at the thought of not including them all so y'all are getting an extra one.

doumeki/watanuki/himawari (xxxholic) - MY BABIES WHO I LITERALLY NAMED MYSELF AFTER!!! listen, my son watanuki deserves to have a stoic but protective boyfriend and a sunshiney girlfriend who hug him lots and help him see he's worth loving. AND my daughter himawari deserves to be loved without fear of accidentally doing harm. AND my son doumeki deserves to be with the people he cares about despite the fact that they're both self sacrificing as fuck. this is the trio of my dreams and i will love them until i die.

satoshi/daisuke (dn angel) - so like...this ship is from a manga that a) isn't popular and b) i would not recommend despite the fact that it had a vice grip on me as a fourteen year old. that being said these two anime boys are truly THE BLUEPRINT against which i compared all other ships for YEARS. like, there was a time where how much i loved a ship could be directly correlated to how much they reminded me of satoshi and daisuke. they were IT. and this ship truly gave us everything! the romeo and juliet parallels of them coming from feuding families!!! the enemies to friends (to lovers in my heart) of it all!!! they are THEE fire and ice ship!!! THEE sunshine one and stoic one!!! literally never talk to me about the canonical dn angel ending i want to believe in my imagined ending where they were allowed to be in love.

nico/karolina (runaways) - this is specifically about the comic book version but the tv show version is also good! i remember reading the first few comics series like...a decade ago and OHHHH MAN these two messy girls really got me. i remember reading the first conversation that implied karolina was a lesbian and becoming the living embodiment of this emoji 👀. and then nico's whole mess of a sexuality crisis after karolina leaves? poetic cinema if i've ever seen it. i spent so many years holding a torch for these two that when they actually got together in the comics in 2018 i legit bawled my eyes out. i read the words "i'm not confused anymore, karrie. i'm not scared. i know what i want" and i DIED. their first kiss has been the background on my phone for nearly five years. they are my everything i am soooo serious.

ed/stede (ofmd) - OH YOU KNOW THE GAY PIRATES HAD TO BE HERE. when i say they rewired my brain that is in no way and exaggeration. i can vividly recall scrolling through tumblr and seeing how much people were talking about this show and thinking "okay but is it really gay or is this just another tumblr thing?" LIKE. I HAD NO IDEA. staying up until two a.m. to watch episodes 9 and 10 and feeling every human emotion all at once is a moment i will never recreate. i could've done anything that night. i could've fought god and won. it's ten months later and i still think about these two every fucking day. i truly can't wait to see more of them. david jenkins thank you for my life.

first ever ship:

arnold/helga (hey arnold) - i was like...seven and didn't know what fandom was yet but i watched every episode with baited breath waiting for these two to get together lmao. the romeo and juliet episode is burned into my brain for all time. when the jungle movie came out and they finally got together after OVER A DECADE of waiting i literally went out and bought a cake to celebrate.

last song:

grace kelly by felix hagan & the family - what can i say? this song is a bop!

last film:

glass onion - listen, i would watch benoit blanc solve murders for another fifty movies and never get bored. also janelle monae i am free on thursday if you are also free on thursday and want to meet up on thursday when i am free.

currently reading:

i'm between books at the moment but the one i most recently finished was lost boy by christina henry. it was genuinely the most five out of ten book i've ever read. like...not bad by any means but so meh i have no words.

my plan is to read the magicians by lev grossman next because i miss those characters more than i can say but like hell am i gonna watch the show again after...all that. i heard the books are worse soooooo we'll see how far i get.

currently watching:

the mayfair witches - i recently watched the first two episodes and i really enjoyed them! i've never read the books so everything is new and exciting to me. i'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes!

currently consuming:

a caramilk bar. ❤

currently craving:

the ofmd season 2 trailer. please djenks i need to see ed again my crops are dying.

tagging:

i feel like most of the people i would tag have already done this so instead i'm gonna do a cop out and say if you're reading this consider yourself tagged!

#facts about me

[artemiseamoon]

Preview: Remember Me

Ofc, Bucky & Steve

Words: 1,931

Summary: Adrienne struggles to remember who she was, as she makes sense of all the fractured memories she holds.

Warnings: amnesia, danger, mention of an injury, running for one's life.

Part of Whumpril 2023 (masterlist) | day 25: heart racing, on the run

Source material note: time jumps and spans across some of the movies. Canon/ time period -divergent in many ways.

Very open for expansion if the muse strikes. I still have 20+ pages for writing for this 6 year old story.

Below is a preview * read in full on A03

Adrienne stared down at the photo placed before her. It looked like her, but she didn’t remember. Subconsciously she raised her fingertips to the base of her neck, gently scratched the exposed skin, then averted her eyes from the photo.

“Who is this?” He asked, his blue eyes mixed with hope and desperation.

She licked her lips nervously, then slid the photo back to him.

“Looks like me,”

The blue-eyed man, Steve as he introduced himself, sighed then sat across from her. He broke eye contact briefly to pull something else out of the box, another photo, then placed it carefully before her. A tinge of nervousness shot through her before turning it over, she hesitated, glanced at him, then flipped it over.

Staring back at her was a black-and-white photo, taken a very long time ago. The streets of Brooklyn were in the background. Sitting on the steps of a building that seems both strange yet familiar, sat a young girl about 13, what appeared to be a very young and thin version of the man before her, and another teen with a nice smile.

She leaned over, giving the photo a closer examination without touching it. The brunette looked like the blue-eyed man's friend, James, as a kid.

Not possible, she thought before saying, “This doesn’t make sense - “she shook her head and was just about to slide it back to him before he stopped her, his fingers on the photo now as he made direct eye contact.

“I saw something in your eyes, Adrienne. You recognize this. You’re doing great. Keep going. Look at the picture.”

“I don’t know you, or him, I don’t know what this is-” She crossed her arms and stared at the mirror, which she knew was double-sided. She could feel the two men watching on from the other side.

She scoffed, getting more agitated, “How're the notes coming along? Or am I wasting your time? I feel like a caged animal - “her jaw ticked as she bawled her hands into fists,” I hate that feeling… I don’t like it - “

“We’re done for today, Rogers, we remember what happened the last time she got upset?” The voice from the other side of the mirror met his ears through the wireless earpiece.

Steve nodded. Her anger was valid, and he didn’t want to push it. After what they did to her, the same horrible things Bucky went through. The horrible events he couldn't save Bucky nor her from.

Read on A03

My lil MCU list

No tags

@artemiseamoon-updates

A03: artemiseamoon

#Bucky barnes #steve rogers #whumpril day 25

[diamndbrn]

✉    (  @thuganomxcs​  )   :  He slowly takes a piece of folded paper from his pocket and begins reading its contents before their priest, friends, and family in the chapel on their special day. “Aly, I wasn’t much before I met you and I think the world knew that too. I wasn’t heading in no particular direction, just fighting, drinking, and gambling. There was a time in my life when I wanted to just give up on school and probably live out on the streets. That was until I met you. I’m not going to say it was love at first sight but you were definitely a person that catches everyone’s attention. You weren’t afraid of me..hell you weren’t even intimidated. If I didn’t know better I’d think you’d just pick me up single-handedly and throw me against the wall.” It was a rather ‘obvious’ lie that those new friends that arrived in Yusuke’s life during the more mundane days could help but laugh. Though the ones that’s known him longer figured Yusuke probably had it coming. (and yes we can say she actually did it cause strength). Still, that’s when you seem so damn beautiful to me. You were the hottest woman at the university and the losers just threw themselves at you but you really had to time to waste with any of ‘em. Before I go too damn deep into our school life I just want to say, the day I realized my feelings for you..and you returned them..well it was the day I finally started livin’ again. It felt like waking up after that ‘coma’ years ago, with a new lease on life I promise to make you HALF as happy as you make me. I want t’ make this promise in front of our family and friends that I will love you, always love you and listen and support you in all things. I can’t stop saying this but I really am the luckiest man in the world and I love you so friggin’ much Glamazon. Thanks for showing me that life can be so freaking beautiful because that’s how it is whenever you’re with me.”

you  could  feel  it    :    love's  warmth  radiating  throughout  the  venue    ,    emitting  from  your  guests  ,  radiating  from  your  fiance    .    you  never  thought  you'd  be  standing  here    ,    holding  a  bouquet  of  royal  blue  and  white  flowers  and  draped  in  your  very  own  beautiful  wedding  dress  that  took  what  felt  like  ages  to  make    .    under  the  veil    ,    crown  tilts  and  eyes  come  to  a  close    :    all  you  wanted  was  to  just  focus  on  yusuke     ———    not  just  his  face    ,    not  his  body    ,    but  his  soul    .    the  both  of  you  were  joining  as  one  today  in  this  venue    ,    and  everybody  was  there  to  witness  it    .

one  eye  opens  upon  hearing  the  sound  of  a  piece  of  paper  being  unfolded    ;    it  was  when  he  started  reading  that  you  were  at  full  attention    :    you've  known  yusuke  to  be  sappy  at  times    ,    but  this  was  more  than  just  cute  ,  affectionate  thoughts  being  verbalized   ———    this  was  how  he  actually  felt    ,    you're  listening  to  yusuke  at  his  core  and  what  he  felt  from  the  bottom  of  his  heart    .    to  see  him  so  open  brought  tears  to  your  eyes  (  it  was  a  great  thing  that  the  veil  could  disrupt  sight  of  that    )    .    

with  your  hand  over  your  mouth  you  withhold  the  urge  to  start  bawling  in  front  of  everyone    :    he  meant  that  with  his  entire  heart  and  spoke  with  such  confidence    .    you  loved  him  ,  you  will  continue  to  love  him    ,    and  will  always  love  him    .    you  could  understand  him    ,  in  some  ways  you  could  relate  to  him  ,    and  thank  goodness  the  two  of  you  crossed  paths  on  campus  that  first  day  because  you'd  not  know  what  your  soulmate  looked  like  if  you  hadn't.  

                     ❛    yusuke    .    .    .    ❜  your  voice  comes  out  cracked    ,    tone  slightly  above  a  whisper    .    you  could  hear  random  tinges  of  aahs  and  oohs  from  the  guests  and  wedding  party  (    bridesmaids  ,  predominately    )    alike  .    growing  weak    ,    you  fight  to  maintain  your  composure  and  speak  through  the  cascading  tears  and  let  the  words  flow  from  your  constricted  throat  .    ❛    I    .    .    .    I  never  thought    .    .    .    we'd  be  standin'  here    ,    about  to  be  married    .    I  never    .    .    .    saw  myself  to  be  with  anyone    ,    and  I  would  have  been  okay  with  bein'  alone  .    .    .    but  then  we  met    ,    we  became  close    ,    we  became  inseparable    .  it  went  from  like  to  love  throughout  time     ————    I  fell  in  love  with  ya'passion  ,  ya'resilience  ,  ya'confidence    .    ya'make  me  so  happy  and  I  feel  so  alive    .    ya'support  my  dreams    ,    never  stopped  standin'  by  my  side    .    I  love  ya'more  than  words  can  explain  and  .    .    .    ❜      for  a  second    ,    you  stop  to  exhale  through  the  tears    ,    to  catch  yourself  before  speaking  again    ,      ❛    .    .    .    and  I  will  be  more  than  happy  to  take  ya'last  name    .    no  matter  what    ,    yusuke    ,    ya'always  got  me    .      ❜          

answered  ask.     →     unprompted  ,  alyssa and yusuke’s wedding!      

#thuganomxcs #⋆｡° ❝ ( ANS. ) —— EXPECT AN INVOICE FOR MY TWO CENTS. #⋆｡° ❝ ( SHIP : YULYSSA. ) —— IF I FIND A PLACE TO STOP RUNNING CAN IT BE IN YOUR ARMS? #( THE AMOUNT OF LOVE SONGS I LISTENED TO TO MAKE MYSELF CRY EVEN MORE WHILE WRITING THIS ) #⋆｡° ❝ ( Q. ) —— AUTOMATED MESSAGE.

[kalims]

I just like really need to get this off my chest, so please. I don't care if you're just gonna read this but I'm so sick so I just wanna let it all out

ever since online started, my first thought was: yay! no more school. cause I thought it'd be easier for me. news flash, I was completely fucking wrong. for the last, what? two years my mental health has been crashing down, sometimes there's times where I think: oh. this is actually okay, I think I'm gonna be fine but then the next moment I'm bawling my eyes out about something I never wanted to live my life doing.

school sucks. it took me years, semester after semester to get used to it. my first year was horrible, I was behind everything. I ignored everything, I procrastinated my works and I thought when it was finally time to pass them: I'll never get past this. but im here, somehow I'm here and yet again I'm facing another wall. i feel hopeless again. and this year. it's the most hopeful I've been, I've been better. so much better than this is the first time I've ever been truly proud of myself. but now I don't know anymore.

my grades came and I'm ashamed to say they aren't high, funny how I'm insecure even about a few numbers thats supposed to decide my life course.

it's unhealthy but when I face things like this, the only thought I had was how much I wanted to die. im humiliated of myself because I'm so fucking pathetic, I can change my life right now but I can't and i don't even know why. it's funny cause i keep telling my freind that I'll kms but I'm still alive, cause im too young. and i don't know how to disappear. I'm trying to stay alive because for once, I want to be good in something that no one will ever surpass me in.

my mom's facing me right now, she's laughing. I can see that she's holding in her laughs at the face of my tears.  she's comforting me but I can't take her words to heart. it goes out of one ear and out of the other.

and as much as I love everyone I've met with all my heart, my freinds, I love them so much and I appreciate them. but sometimes I feel so lonely because no one has ever said nice things to me, to validate my feelings, but I was okay because I was always used to being left with my thoughts and just passing one of it with a few jokes. I hate that no one was ever willing to ask me: "are you okay? do you wanna talk about it?" without me asking for it first. maybe some people did ask me about it, I cant remember. thank you for them.

even if I did receive one of them. I probably chose to brush it off. god I make no sense right now.

to the strangers, people, online and irl freinds I have. I'm so sick, my best freind. I always played as someone she could trust, I hate that I'm talking to her behind her back rn but I couldn't fucking careless right now because I can't tell if I'm just on my period. whenever I rant to her about topics I'm interested in (an anime, genshin, just topics I love) she always just sends one worded replies like "what" or "okay" one time she even told me that she couldn't give a shit about things she didn't know about. a few days ago, idk when. she asked to rant about her book, which of. I didn't even know about. I told her "sure. do you even have to ask?" and then I let her send me lengthy messages, I even made comments about it.

I'm so sick telling other people the exact same words that I want to hear.

okay let's put it simply. I'm the therapist friend, I always wanted to take psychology. I'm the girl that asks google on how to comfort someone so I can provide better comfort. I'm selfish for wanting to be comforted myself but who the hell am I anyways? I don't have a lot of irl freinds, sometimes in online I feel isolated cause I don't really ever fit in. I'm not pretty, I know I can be smart if I actually put in the effort and if I wasn't so lazy, I'm not rich, in fact my family isn't very wealthy. I look at other people and the only thing I can do is stare in envy because I can never get it.

I don't know how to make myself look good, I don't know shit about makeup, I don't even know anything about basic information I'm supposed to do. I know I won't able be ever let outside my house to hang out with friends because my parents are strict.

I hate that all my friends are better than me in one way or another. I always thought to myself: I want to live another life. because i was truly, upset, and unhappy in this one. no matter how many times I feel happy there's always gonna be something that's gonna drag me down again.

when I finally choose to open up to my parents, the thing they always do is laugh at me. they treat my words like it's a joke, maybe it's just a common reaction but I'm sensitive. that sounds oddly like a pick me but I want to be honest with my feelings without using jokes to dismiss it.

I love them, but I hate them because they always choose to try and force my feelings out of me. they threaten to take away my phone when I dont talk to them and it's exhausting to talk about something that I don't wanna talk about to someone like them.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being a big sister, I'm tired of being a daughter, I'm tired of being a freind, and I'm so fucking tired of living. it sucks.

I'm so tired of being yelled at because I didn't have the energy to finish a school work that I didn't want to do in the first place. I'm tired of being called that it's my fault for having a bad grade. I'm so fucking tired of putting up with everything. I'm so tired that I'm always the one being blamed when my brother does something wrong. I'm so tired of never really having anything for myself because if I ask for something it will only burden my family, so I'd be content with everything I have even if it isn't a lot as long as I'd be able to do the stuff I love.

"it will pass", I believe that saying but I just want it to end right now. I don't want it to pass. it sucks that I can't do anything right now. all I can do is drag myself to my desk and let a bunch of things confuse me. everything I do, it always ended in disaster. as much as i hate to say it, it really is all my fault.

my parents stay silent but I can't tell if their silence is worse then when they're scolding or screaming to me about something. I hate them so much because of the non-existent psychological pressure and torture they put me through. I lie to them, just so I can save myself from that again.

for now. I'll just force myself to not play anything until I finish every single fucking thing. I don't care if I end up staying up for days but who cares anyways? I just hoped my parents would've let me down slowly instead of blaming it all on me on one go. I sound so edgy rn. honestly there's a lot more but i don't have the energy anymore. this prolly means I won't post for a while. thanks. bye.

#—rosa talks