#and i know this is a very fierced opinion but you wont change my mind on this

[persephoneflouwers]

can u elaborate more on ur tags about h not doing mp promo? 👀

Alright, but I just want to say this is not a statement whatsoever. I just like the elaborated process behind every possibility lol so im very open to discussion

But first, let me ask you a question and I want you to be as honest as you can. If you were a director (a normal one), would you want your movie to be strongly associated with H now? Not acting wise, but in terms of the negativity and bad attention Harry brings to your projects? It’s not even his fans, because many would support him, rightfully so. It’s more like the negativity following him from his non-fans and literally any person outside his professional bubble.

I am trying to fact check the news of the anticipation of the london premiere, but many My Policeman UAs reported the premiere in London was on October 18th. For some reasons, it turns out to be on October 15th when Harry’s show in Chicago has already been scheduled for months. It felt weird, right? The 18th news could be false, as far as I know, btw.

It’s not even the fact he’s not there, but it’s the way they keep making sure he’s seen anywhere else. It was the fan pics and the dog vid (?????) in Chicago, it was the pics from the Wolf Alice concert, it was the video for the mercury award (was that a towel on his shoulder? Was it there because he was recording it in a hurry? Was it there to cover the merch name on his sweater because he’s a walking billboard but only if his team can profit out of him? But that video was… telling to say at least - mind you, I know he’s a singer and that was for his career but it would take him literally 30 seconds to record a message - or a tweet, a wink on the story, anything! - if he couldn’t make it to London). All meant to let us know he’s simply not there for the movie. I want to go in the other direction a little, because it happened in the past before, so he doesn’t come from nowhere. How would people take this behaviour if it was related to the other movie? They would say he doesn’t care, that he doesn’t want to be involved. They would consider the director words about his fans absolutely fake and they would find shady things in posts (like David’s, bless him, he seems such a sweet and nice angel). The “every publicity is good publicity” state of mind doesn’t always apply. Sometimes, some things need a smoother approach and a movie like my policeman could benefit from it. It’s not like a “vade retro Harry Styles”. Nothing like that. I think they genuinely appreciated H there, but still my opening question stands. It is also possible this was the deal and conditions from the very beginning. Some sort of restraint to the rumours about the sexuality. Like he could do the movie as long as he wasn’t part of the promo much (share some trailers and go to the TIFF premiere and that’s it), there’s no way to know for certain.

Not to mention the way they keep giving the fandom hints of something new coming, like the you are home site first and the gill thing yesterday night. If you’re just sitting there and getting second hand information about what is happening around him, It feels like stealing the thunder a bit? Maybe? Again, this could be just the poorest timing schedule in the history of the world.

It’s sad because for him, knowing what we know and knowing what his reputation is, all this is even more alienating from the community. I don’t want to sound as a person who doesn’t have sympathy towards a closeted person or whatever, because I do. As a person who’s not out myself, I know. Really I do. And that’s why I can’t be here and watch how this punishment is constantly pushed on him. I’m not looking the other way, but there’s nothing I can do and for someone like me who has devoted her own life in helping people and swore on the Hippocrates vow, sometimes it’s too much. I’ve been silently protesting and in my little world that is working because I’m still standing for my own values. I had to take several steps back and that’s why I don’t engage with his content that much. I will jump on anyone else’s throat if they don’t love him the right way. Still. I couldn’t care less of these movies, but it’s so sad the constant favouritism they have been showing. I just can’t help wondering what the hell he signed for and who is really having his back at the moment. I call him my Persephone for a reason. At the end of the day, I hope he’s just doing fine and that the things he’s getting out of all this are worthy on the long run. Obviously people are allowed to live the fandom experience in the way they are more comfortable. So please be kind on somebody else reaction.

Also as I’m writing this, gems (interlude) by little simz started playing. It seemed very fitting. Go have a listen <3

#i hope I was able to articulate this in a respectful way #i don’t want people to misunderstand this #because honestly it’s such a delicate topic but this is where I stand at the moment #it’s hard channelling your opinions in a language like english #becuase sometimes I feel like I lose the nuance of every single word #so i hope this is well put but I really am open to peaceful discussion around this topic #if you agree or not haha #but please don’t compare it to louis’ #because in my eyes in this moment it’s not the same #not the same at all #and i know this is a very fierced opinion but you wont change my mind on this #it’s different and allow yourself to see how differences work in these two situations #so yeah i will be watching them from afar #supporting as i can where i can #but it’s very sad at the moment (at least if you’re seeing beyond the brand and the golden boy image) #casella di posta numero 32

[eternitas]

Iiiiii dunno if this is an unpopular opinion or not buuut after checking out the G3 animated Monster High Mysteries, I have to say that I personally preffer the previous incarnation and characterisations.

Don't get me wrong, I don't HATE the ghouls now, I think its just a different reincarnation of the cast, but I also can't say I really warmed up to them.

More opinions and thoughts under the cut

Now mind you I only saw the Monster High Mysteries up to episode 4 so my exposure is limited. I wont say anything about storytelling or the like and focus only on the girls new... Vibes, yeah lets call it that.

Now, I am a very filthy Draculaura stan. After watching (I think?) the entirety of the old episodes, except the movies, I really fell in love with her. I love her little accent and how she is this slightly unaware, rich, girly girl. She always seemed like she would spare no expenses for her friends, but also often forget that not everybody is as fortunate as her or Cleo (Ghoul build multiple two story tall lockers for all her things). She is messy, she loooves to talk and gossip, she is PINK and proud of it, super into fashion and just unapologetically girly, I LOVE IT, especialls now since I rediscovered my love for girly stuff after the very famous "hating everything pink" phase.

The new iteration seems a bit more serious and down to earth. An excited bookworm and raised to perfection by her father (from what I could gather). Her cute lil accent is gone, the pink now seems less *intentional* somehow and she seems more like a... Idk, very standart pink leader type? Its a shame, because i always thought G1Draculauras whole vibe was what so many rejected as a young teen when they go into the "hate girly and feminine stuff bc YOU'RE A PROUD NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS WOMAN!", ya know the kind that hates these shallow sluts who love boybands and pink and make up ew.

And I loved that about her. She is the typical "too much, but in a sweet way" girl, the type i would probably call when i got massive emptional turmoil, because she'd drop everything to be there for me and take me shopping to get my head off- no no no of course not, she'll pay, that's only natural c:

I dont have a lot to say when it comes to Frankie. (At least differentiating here is easier bc G1 Frankie used she/her and G3 Frankie uses they/them)

Frankie seemed not that much different from their old self. A tad bit naive, new to things, spunky, loyal and very caring, always trying for everybodies best, she is such a cinamonroll.

Frankie Stein in G3 seems mostly the same or very close to that? I can't say much considering I only saw these 4 short episodes, but they gave me very similar vibes.

Clawdeen is I think one that had a MASSIVE change from her previous version.

NOW

I am not qualified to speak about race related issues or the portrayal of POC in media. I dont know if the portrayal was deemed offensive, because it portrayed Clawdeen as the most "agressive" and fierce one, standing alone and independant, the only one without a boyfriend or other love interest, having a dialect I can not pin point, being one of the core group, yet seemingly having way less plot relevance and character arc that is purely hers (the whole arc with her brother dating draculaura was her 'meddling' with a relationship of one of the other ghouls) and being the ghoul with the most physical power after lagoona. I have no idea, I just noticed these things in particular. I personally LIKED G1 Clawdeen she seemed after Lagoona to be the one most earthed and steadfast. She is super family oriented, but even there i can not say if this is... A stereotype. I am not very versed on that topic, I will admit and I wont pretend I do. I am simply stating what I observed.

Clawdeen in G3 seems far more mellow, still very calm and collected, but more in alignment personality wise with the other ghouls (more on that later)

Lagoona my ghoul, after Draculaura one of my absolute faves. In G1 she was always kind of the mom of the group. A part of the core friendsquad but somehow still removed from most of the drama. She is the one that calls everyone back to the ground, she is the one most often keeping composure and being like that friend that doesnt have social media so they dont get super invested in trivial drama. i mean she is the only one not on the fearsquad bc she already has her position as captain of the swim team. She of course supports her friends without any hesitation! But you can tell that she is just one step outside the circle and therefore far more independant and seems way more mature. She is suuuper sporty and the type where I can see a guy saying "yer like one of the dudes". I love her whole australian persona and unpopular opinion but man you deserve better than Gill.

Her new iteration seems to have more of G1 Draculauras sweetness. She is even the only one with an accent. She seems more... Sweet and innocent and a bit younger. Like she'd be G1 Lagoonas lil sister.

Cleo de Nile. i always thought she gave me a bit of Most Popular Girls In School mckenzy vibes

G1 Cleo KNOWS she is a big deal. She is dramatic and in the beginning a straight up antagonist until she turns to be a really valuable friend. While Draculaura would be there for you emotionally and comfort you, Cleo is the type that will prevent you from going on a date if she isn't 100% sure your outfit is KILLER. the type to say "as your way more fashionable and popular friend, it is my DUTY to save you from this GROTESQUE jacket you are wearing!"

I always loooved her saying "Oh my Rah!" it was just so charming to me idk. She was always to me the rich girl that would say (again a mckenzie quote) "why don't you just tell me that I'm poor?!"

And honestly I loved her for that. She was dramatic (but a different type than Draculaura), but also so agressively caring, that its almost a THREAT. And that was pretty fantastic.

The new Cleo seems a bit more .. I think people call it "valley girl"? And ... I dunno how I feel about that. Its less overbearing but it also seems weirdly more... Arrogant in a way? I have a hard time putting it into words.

In general it feels like previously in Gen1 you could easily write down a sentance and IMMIDEATLY know who said it. The girls were SO distinctly different and unique, yet all SUCH good friends and i think that fit the message of monster high perfrctly. Everyone was a weirdo! Everyone could be themselves! And they all accepted each other! I wouldnt say they were very archetypical but they definitely all had their distinct colour. Everyone kind of had their own speech pattern, dialect or accent. I absolutely saw them as a wholesome squad that I'd hashtag as #goals. Aside of Clawdeen and Draculauras fight bc of Draculauras crush on Clauwde (how tf u spell his name) and the period in which cleo was an antagonist these ghouls were ALWAYS a tight group of friends. I think one of the most telling moments for me was when draculaura wanted to throw a party for frankies 16th day birthday and frankie organize a party for draculauras 1600th birthday. All their friends said they're busy and while it made both sad, they didn't dwell on it or got upset. Instead they said "well then we'll just party together c:". Their loyalty and friendship and its strength was just.. A given? Natural? Not even a question?

With the Gen3 I feel like its this almost... Fragile sort of middleschool friendship where even a small thing can drive it off balance and shatter it. They are all now more... Even? In a way? If the old squad was a plate full of different kinds of desserts then the new one is the same cake with different colouring but mostly the same flavour. It's not a hivemind situation, but it is also not as... Memorable.

i hope watching more of Gen 3 will make me think different. I hope i really get to like these ghouls.

And I guess that's my thoughts on it.

#monster high gen 3 #monster high #monster high gen 1 #this isnt hate!!!! #but i still wont add the characters names

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 2)

I finally got my answer on how will kyo’s confession of kyoko will be & how tohru will react. I love the writing, the pacing, the monologue, the dialogue, the facial expressions, tohru’s reaction, kyo’s rejection & tohru’s shock. Even yuki & akito’s involvement! All of it was a chef’s kiss!

I went & watched lots of eps of se01 & 2 & I’m loving all the hints they dropped abt kyo & how his trauma was looming over him all. this. damn. time! Unfortunately, it has reminded me of how much tohru’s own character exploration was diminished in favor of her being the angelic mother & the sohma’s fixer! but moving on & focusing on her shining moment now! I’ll explore her character here with regards of her trauma, real hidden character & future development.

Kyo’s rejection is the best thing that has ever happened to tohru:

(don’t hate me before you read!) XD~ just like you, I’m mad at kyo for hurting tohru & I feel her pain. However, the writer didn’t write this with a sadistic desire to hurt us. Kyo’s rejection is the core of the entire story as it is not only connected to kyo’s trauma, but tohru’s growth & yuki’s emotional involvement with the two, as well as akito’s insecurities. I have explained in my review( part 1) how kyo rejecting tohru was a logical progression of kyo’s trauma, the only possible outcome from his perspective, & the themes tied with such decision. Now, I’ll explain why this rejection is good for tohru in the long run:

1. Showing the hidden ugly side: (The timid, shy, self-sacrificing girl is angry!): Tohru’s entire consciously constructed personality is borrowed from elements in her mom & dad’s life:

She mimicked her dad’s overly polite style to prove that she is indeed his daughter, so her mom won’t be called w*ore & to console her mom, so she wont leave her. She has deep low self-worth issues. I gotta become someone else to be loved.

she has inner fear of bringing shame to her mom’s name, wants to always be the good girl so mom’s get praised for raising her. Thus, hiding ugly aspects such as anger, loud voice & frustration.

She wants to prove that her mom chose right by not neglecting her. wishes to be worth needing & loving for her own self.

All she ever wanted since being a 4 year old child is her mom. No other desire for anything else at all. Since her mom’s death, she’s been lost on what to do, who to be, what to want! then it came to her to stick to her mom’s memory & live for her. Living for a dead person is a self-sacrifice decision. Tohru just didn’t see herself outside of her mom’s influence.  

Ever since meeting kyo, he has been encouraging real aspects of her character: be selfish, complain, cry, get mad, yell, look pathetic, expose unflattering thoughts, show undesirable side, ask for things, no, DEMAND things. She has been reluctantly following his advice & only showing that to him. His confession & inability to accept her love has lead her to show the real hidden tohru behind the “ i’m okay” mask:

The timid, always smiling girl is now showing anger, frustration, stubbornness & determination.

screaming her heart out: “ i don’t believe my mom would say that” stating her opinion in firm voice.

 “even if she did, I have to go against her” the real tohru shows her explosive personality that was buried deep down! it is NOT mom’s life anymore. It is MINE. I decide. I choose. I want. My decisions.

“ why can’t you see that?” argues with him. Tohru, who is soft-spoken & tends to get flustered  when others insist, is now questioning his decision with passion & fierceness!

“ I love you no matter what”. Say what toy want. look at yourself as a monster, a murderer, a loser or a coward. I don’t care what your brain or trauma makes you think. I see the real YOU & it is my decision! I love you ugly & pretty, sad & happy, broken or strong, coward or brave. I take it all & no one is fooling me or changing my mind. I’m my own person & I chose YOU. 

 2. Letting go of attachments: Learning to LIVE:

Tohru’s attachment to her mom isn’t healthy. It’s  toxic as it hinders her from being her own person. To be able to love kyo, she lets go of “ listening to mommy’s words” . Apparently, her mom condemned kyo as unforgivable. Tohru knows the real kyo & doesn’t even care for forgiveness despite her mom’s alleged words. Breaking the toxic bond. She formed a healthier bond with kyo. However, if kyo is unable to accept this love. what would tohru do? die?? kill herself?? kyoko wasn't able to continue to love her husband cuz he died. her reaction was neglecting her daughter & roaming away in utter grief. Tohru mustn’t follow her mom’s example. Not all loved ones leave us out of hate. Some leave each other cuz of death (kyoko/tohru), ( kyoko/ katsuya), Others might leave each other out of current traumatic pain, mental health, emotional hindrance despite loving each other so dearly (kyo/tohru). If kyo despite his immense love to tohru, can’t forgive himself, they won’t be together. tohru can cry, scream, yell, but if he doesn't overcome his issues & come back, tohru gotta let go. She gotta learn to let go & not kill herself over what she cant have.

Kyo, on the opposite, gotta learn to hold on to loved ones! Let go of pain but hold on to real ppl not dead ghosts of the past. He must learn to act on his own desire & need for tohru. Only when he forgives himself, he’ll hold on to her. It is then, that tohru will decide again if she’ll have him or not.

3- Wanting things doesn't mean you WILL have them: (You are enough by yourself- moderation)

tohru wants kyo, the first thing she has ever wanted. However, she won’t  automatically get him just because she now learned to demand things. There are obstacles that can stop that. Tohru must accept kyo’s inability to be with her now & live healthily regardless. This ties to akito as well. She wants the zodicas but she cant have them! Emotional distance separate them. What will akito do if she can’t have what she wants? kill kurno? kill tohtru? kill herself? will this bring the zodiacs back? NO. You are enough by yourself. She needs to let go & learn to accept that love means acceptance between the involved parties, emotional connection isn't enough.

-Realistic depiction of romantic relationship progression: (thro better & worse). EPIC writing!

It is indeed fate that brought tohru back in kyo’s path 4 months after her mom’s death & the they do share a mutual past: kyoko. However, fervor grateful to the author for writing them falling in love together isn’t due to fate, coincidence, mutual past or similar personalities. Kyo consciously avoided tohru while tohru herself struggled to understand kyo initially. The author spend valuable time building their romantic relation based on mundane daily life activities. They themselves don’t quite know when exactly that they fell in love. when they recalled falling in love, we see them cooking together, talking, walking, eating, studying & opening up abt small struggles.

It is genius that the writer will add yet another realistic aspect. While kyo was able to read tohru & approach her when she’s down, this doesn't mean he magically understood her & will forever be on the same page & never ever hurt each other at all. If you fell in love, you are bound to be hurt by the person who loves you back as much as be happy together. It is realistic!!! Adding miscommunication & personality differences enrich the relationship. This relationship isn’t just fluffy & lovey dovey. They have realistic issues that they need to work on by communicating. Even communication  wont solve their quarrel if it isn’t done in the right time & with the right desire to connect.

-The weight & future lessons learned from of “ I’m disappointed in you” for both kyo & tohru:

Right now kyo is too emotional to connect & tohru herself is too emotional to understand his response. Tohru understands his pain but her low self-esteem prevents her from seeing that he is rejecting being loved , not rejecting her. He is not rejecting tohru as a person but rejecting kyo as a person deserving love. Thanks to his “ i’m disappointed in you” which really leaves no room for interpretation from tohru’s perspective. I love that!!!! Kyo isn’t good with words. This has been clear from ep 1, his actions has always been his love language, but now he couples bad words “ i’m disappointed in you” with bad actions: running away. This is a perfect opportunity to build their future relationship on a solid foundation: ( off course I’m not belittling their current emotions, I understand why each is very broken now, but I’m talking abt future learning lessons)

Kyo’s current mistake: While him rejecting tohru is justified by the extreme trauma & is logical from his perspective. This doesn’t mean it isnt’t hurtful to her. He chose hurtful words to push her away mimicking how he pushed her in the true form arc. Perfect example of justified mistake yet still a wrong mistake. Thus, kyo needs to learn the effect of his words, he shouldn’t be punished for the past, for tings her cant control, nor for fate. But he should take responsibilities of the present, of what he actually says & does right now.  He must fix this mistake with tohru. This is a mistake that CAN be fixed. someone that he CAN get back. a mistake he CAN stop repeating.He CAN hold on to her with immense desire yet allow room for her to decide for herself.

Tohru’s current mistake: Seeing herself solely thro being loved by kyo. she cant see that he indeed loves her cuz he rejected her. Rejection in tohru’s mind equal lack of love. Her mom left her, thus her mom didnt love her. This respective is very justified due to her trauma, & it is logical that she reached this conclusion. She isnt in his head, she cant know whats in his heart if his words say sth else. However, having a logical perspective doesn't mean it is right. it is still wrong to solely exist thro what you can see & hear. Real emotions run deeper. We must take things with moderate approach. Tohru needs to have higher self-esteem, to allow room for misunderstanding without completely breaking down. In her future life, she’ll be in lots of situations where ppl could hurt her intentionally or unintentionally. She needs to take things with calmer pace & open the door in her mind for doubt & better judgement. As much as loved ones words hurt, to build a healthy relationship, you must leave room for communication & misunderstanding. Hence, you’ll get closer & closer. 

Side Notes:

 I love tohru’s faulty attachment thro only being loved back exactly as she pictures in her mind. it is so human, so real, & so endearing! Very opposite of se01 & 2 image of her being the wise, device-giving mother with right thing to say & do. Screw that unrealistic image! allow tohru to be real! best ep ever! Hopefully, no more of this tohru!

Kyo’s constant repeat of mistakes is the best character trope done right! so realistic. It is genius that the author used this trope to humanize the demonic cat spirit!! what screams human better than the most annoying human trait: repeating mistakes!!!!  Kyo, my son! it’s time to learn! cant wait to see how the author will do that.

young boy/ adult woman friendship? Was that ever made without  disgusting sexualizion? kyoko isnt much of a mom figure to kyo, she tells me abt a husband, child neglect mistakes, custody! he calls her old hag & pushes her! XD. it is friendship!!

i’m mad they didnt focus on tohru’s face when she screamed at kyo confessing her love.. that's tohru moment. Why pan on yuki? you could’ve showed his reaction after she spoke. The same thing was done when tohru confessed to Isuzu!-_-! loved her angry face tho, it was beautifully drawn, so thanks for that. XD

Yuki is forever the best tohru/kyo shipper & the best tohru-happiness defender. I love how he runs after kyo & yet checks on tohru! I’m curious tho, he didnt hear any of kyo/kyoko confession as he was asleep, only the the “ forgive/not forgive line” so, he’ll be wondering forgive what? tohru’s mom knows kyo? I’m excited on how they’ll put things into context. also, I LOVE YUKI.

I’m forever thankful that everything akito is pushed into next ep. The knife wielding action & akito’s dramatic outbursts would’ve stolen from the emotional weight of kyo’s confession. Kyo’s secret is the core of furuba since ep, 1, the entire dynamics of kyo/tohru/yuki /kyoko/ hat is established based on this ep. Shoving akito, too, would create the same annoying train bullet feeling of momiji’s & tohru’s ep (ep 5 & 6). Emotional scenes pushed together with lesser time for the respective characters to have their well-deserved focus.

This is the most I am attached & satisfied with furuba! it scares me since ep 9 continues the climax. My fears of potential dramatic animation since the knife is there! moreover, akito’s own animation is always over the top. I hope they tone it down to portray her as a human more than a maniac.

Also, I hope they dont drag the climax more than that. What more you can shove in the dramatic raining weather. Tohru/kyo scene here matched the true arc scene bringing back parallel. Now akito/tohru raining scene next ep will match se02, ep10 scene. Now, what will the author do to defuse the climax? Often writing the falling action is harder than the climax itself. Falling action doesnt mean happy times & solving issues. It means dealing with the consequences of the climax. Let’s see what the writer has in store.

Based on the flashbacks, Kyoko didnt have ill feelings with kyo!!!! Until the last time he saw her as a child, she was happy with him. Even when he pushed her, she took it as a childlike behavior. at the accident, she didnt have much time to have any ill feelings. No way she thought he pushed her, no way she thought he could’ve saved her. So if she really recognized him, why would she say “ I wont forgive you”? it doesnt make sense at all. Kyoko doesn't hate kyo!!!! So, either he imagined, which is sth that I’ll hate so much! I spent so much emotions attached to a non existant words! NO. plz! NO!! Other possibility, she said sth else closer to the words! but then again how would we know? I NEED to know! ~ as expected, I’m still attached to this damn line! XD. 

Kyo depressed in the mountains after kyoko’s death was very vaguely referenced in (1) se01, ep24 when kyo talked to kazuma! oh shoot! (2) in se02, sp 2 when kazuma thought back to kyo nearly killing himself in depression before meeting the dad, (3) in se02, ep 9 when kyo trampled on the flower! oof! i love this subtle style of writing! connecting the emotional dots! EPIC!

Various characters throut seasons 1, 2 & 3 noticed the real gentle kyo towards tohru: (1) Isuzu’s “ I hope tohru meets someone like haru, to gently open the door” se02, ep19. (2) Momiji having faith that kyo is the right person for tohru & pushing him, (3) yuki constantly musing over tohru/kyo love & drawing inspiration on wanting “ his own person to love like them” (3) Kisa saying kyo is kind to tohru se3, (4) shigure saying, you are exclusively kind to tohru se02, (5) Airisa saying, when will kyo confess in se01, (6) hana saying, marry my sister in the play & pushing him to not be locked! (7) yuki kicking him for saying “ its not your business” to tohru in kyoto trip, (8) kakeru saying “ kyo’s her boyfriend? “ AA~~~~ the whole cast know & can see his love to her!!! TOHRU! He doesnt hate you! KYO!! the entire cast thinks you DESERVE HER & is KIND! not a monster! Is there an image set of those moments of the cast saying that here in tumblr? kindly mention me to see it! I fear going to the tags & seeing spoilers T_T.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #Tohru Honda #kyo sohma #happy paper #final season #part 2

[722alycat]

Face Down

pt i pt ii pt iii pt iv

Masterlist

an: sorry for the wait, i rewrote this like 6 times 

Summary: Levi takes a job without you, and well, if that’s how it’s gonna be, you’ll show him you can do just fine on your own. 

You’ve been alone for a year.

Kenny never really bothered to come back to say goodbye, and Levi tells you the last time he saw your surly guardian was for a moment. He was a face in the crowd, surveying the gutted body of Vic, the beaten and stabbed corpse of the tall boy whos name you never caught.

You and Levi did what you could do. You returned to your home built through ill gotten gains, your sanctuary constructed from trust and growing up side by side. You improved it, at the will of Levi the Dictator, who constantly bullied you to fix this, and clean that, and for the love of god dust that shelf.

Days turned into months, turned into years, and eventually you stopped waiting for Kenny and started scrambling for higher ground, for better weapons and thicker clothes. You bullied your way through marketplaces by day, and raided them by night. Things never got the chance to get harried; not since Levi's first kill. Now he led you, sneaking through shadows and striking through smog, always knowing just what to do.

You had laughed, frantic and aching and triumphant when you realized that the Ackerman Instinct Kenny had so fondly spoke of wasn't another lie. You watched as Levi danced around opponents, slipped behind enemy lines. He massacred men twice his age and skill level. He was invaluable even if you had only ever wanted him to be safe happy warm.

Naturally, this behavior would begin to attract attention.

Attention finds you in the form of a tall blonde man, looking as young and fierce as you and Levi tend to. His teeth are bared in a semblance of a grin as his eyes track you through the marketplace. You catch him watching you and Levi as you wander, wrist in hand, through the crowded market. 

You twitch, once, and sidle in closer to Levi. He doesn’t stiffen, but you can feel his muscles bunch beneath his coat as you lean into his arm. You swipe a nail across his palm. His eyes flick lazily in the direction of your signal, and he finds the blonde boy in record time. Levi hums, tugging you closer and draping a lazy arm around your shoulder. It's more territorial and threatening than romantic like you hope dream want believe some may view it. You know his eyes will be too cold and too dark to whisper of love, know all you'll find in that gaze is a cool possession you know the people in the underground get love mixed up with possession sometimes and you remind yourself again and again you wont make the same mistakes. The knowledge strikes you again, of your circumstance: he is yours, and you are his, even if its not quite the way you're starting to want. He tucks his head into your neck to whisper in your ear. A young guard blushes crimson and shyly and looks away from you both. You blush too, and sternly remind yourself he’s just pretending to be in love with you.

Still, not much is romantic about what your pseudo-lover is saying.

"You have that knife I got you, right?"

The hand you have resting on his hip taps once, and you feel his smirk against your neck, and god are those his teeth? You shiver, feeling goosebumps crawl up your back as your heart bursts to life behind your rib cage. Surely he knows the effect he has on you. He has to. Levi doesn’t bother asking if your knife is sharpened and ready. He knows. He takes it from you nightly, looking over the blade, sharpening it if you had recently used it. You protested at first, telling him you could do it yourself, and he needn't trouble himself, but the look of annoyance and fond exasperation he had sent you left you winded and compliant, even as he called you stupid for suggesting he would ever go to any trouble for you.

Never mind that he always did go to trouble for you. Never mind that he always pushed himself between you and an aggressor, always took the larger opponents and left you to mop up the stragglers; that he would corner you after every fight, steady hands checking you over carefully. You hadn't known that the Ackerman instinct could leave him so gentle, so human, even as it changed him into something other; Not until you had felt his hands softly brushing over your cheeks, your arms, your stomach, searching for any sign you might have been close to being taken from him.

You were forced back to the present as he curled closer to you.

"Is he still looking?"

You giggled, leaning into Levi more. You shyly ducked your head, eyes searching until-

You tapped twice, and he nodded, separating himself from you just as easily as he had latched on. You tried not to feel bereft at the absence, but losing his warmth left you inexplicably chilled. Your arm fell to your side, feeling heavier than before. Your fingers tapped out against nothing. You felt wrong, jittery, like when your knife wasn't in its sheath against your hip.

You didn't know when you began this game of faking intimacy with Levi. The people in the underground who cared enough to form an opinion figured you were an item, practically sewn together at the hip for how little you were apart. Those who didn't put too much thought into it figured you were a hired lady who was very good at her job. Either way, you reasoned sensibly, it made them think you were a bystander, prey, a victim ready to be made. They didn't see you as the loaded gun you were, the livewire life had made you into. It worked to your advantage plenty of times, and so you supposed that's why Levi kept doing it. Why else would he keep you so close?

But rationality didn't reason away the skip and jump in your pulse when he pulled you close, the longing in your chest when he hugged you tightly to get a view on what was behind you. It didn't remove the way your mind ran in circles, caught between wishing it was all real and knowing it was just-

Just Levi. Levi the Survivor. Levi the Strategist. The boy who knew just what he had to do to survive. He reminded you so much of Miss Kuchel. Your heart ached at the thought of her. Of how proud she would be of her son.

You chased away the cold of his absence with the thought. He'll never be alone, you had promised her solemnly. The vow had become a prayer, had become a touchstone, a whisper to Miss Kuchels ghost and your weary soul. Never alone, never again.

Levi led you cautiously out of the market, constantly looking over his shoulder for that mop of blonde in case he was tailing you. You trailed along behind him, happy to linger in the silence of the walk home beside him. For once, Levi seemed the one eager to talk.

He called your name, slowing his pace so you could walk side by side. "I've gotten a job offer, from a local boss. Wants me to help him defend a merchant on their way through the underground... It pays."

You considered his words, slowly. "And?" You asked, feeling unbalanced and unsure of how to continue. Something felt wrong, felt off.

"I'd be gone, probably for a week."

You were confused, now. "Well... I would be coming with you, of course."

He pursed his lips, narrowed eyes checking behind you once more. "No, not on this one. His group... They don't work well with women."

You scoffed, feeling tense and confused by his rejection. "Neither does any other bastard here. Why should that stop us?"

He opened his mouth, closed it, reopened it once more. He was unsure, for the first time, of what to tell you.

"I don't think you should come along." He finally decided on, and you puffed up like a kicked cat.

"The hell do you mean? Levi, we're supposed to stick together," you hissed, "protect each other."

He shook his head sharply, becoming aggravated, and you became jittery. "I need to start taking real jobs, then we can stop stealing shit like we're still kids."

You were angry. He was leaving you behind. He was ignoring your history of saving each other and leaving you in the dust because some crime ring out there had decided he was the one they wanted, and you were a woman so you were only good for lying on your back. You shook your head in disbelief. "So what? We split up because some asshole cant see past my tits? You wanna work for someone like that? You know I'm more than capable!"

He gripped your shoulders, looking you dead in your eyes. "This group is little better than rabid dogs. I don't want you near that filth. Not until I have them trained."

You looked at him, pained and wary and more guarded against him than you'd been since you were six years old. But still, you knew this was a losing battle. He would leave you, regardless of your reaction, and take this job. Levi never gave an inch, but he always took a mile. And this was the part of him you would hate, if you had it in you to hate anything about him. The fragment of him that treated you like his ward, like he couldn’t trust you to tie your own shoe, let alone keep him from being stabbed in the back by some gutter rat.

Fine, you decided. If he was gone.. You'd show him you could care for yourself, without him. You shouldered past him, pushing away your mounting anxiety at being separated from him for a week.

You sighed, sharp and frustrated with the hand the day had dealt you, and finally bit out a "fine, but you had better come back to me".

He looked relieved at your surrender and ruffled your hair. "I will, brat."

You growled, smacking his hand away. "I might as well not turn it into a fight. God knows how either of us would feel if... If something happened while we weren't together."

Levi grimaced, "Stop worrying." He ordered, words clipped as he began to herd you back to your house. He reached for you again, oddly enough, but you skittered away. You couldn’t let him think this was something that didn’t bother you, didn’t hurt you.

You remained tense as you laid in bed that night. You would force your muscles to relax, shoulders to unhunch, teeth to cease their grinding, and then moments later find yourself doing it all again.

You felt like you were being left behind. Outgrown. And what stung the most is that even before Levi became a one man firing squad, you would've never dreamt of telling him you didn't want him on a job. He belonged by your side, you thought.

You gazed at his sleeping features, long since racked out and peaceful in sleep. You felt a flutter in your chest.

He clearly didn't feel the same.

Levi left in the middle of the night half a week later. You vaguely remembered his form hovering over you in your sleep, pulling you close and tight against his chest and pressing his lips to your forehead. You had figured it was just another wistful dream and went back to sleep.

When you awoke and he was gone, you fought the urge to either break something or blush ten shades of red. That little fucker hadn't told you when he was leaving. You weren't ready. He knew you weren’t ready. Probably thought you would try to follow him.

You languished in your bed the first day, huddled in blankets and feeling pitiful. The second day, hunger and frustration forced you out, and you neatly robbed a vendor of bread and some thick broth. You stole another a few minutes later to drop to the dirty street urchin you noticed huddled in an alley way.

You toyed with the idea of asking around about Kenny, for old times sake, but decided against it. Either he was dead, or he wanted to leave. Either way, there wasn't anything for you to do about it. So, with a full stomach and more melancholy, you headed home.

You toyed with your knife, you tested the weight of it as if you hadn't learned it's center the night Levi had given it to you. You threw it cleanly and precisely into the wall. You withdrew it, and repeated the action, again and again.

Kenny would be proud, really. You hadn't practiced one of those pretty tricks you used to be so proud of since you and Levi had killed those boys.

The knife struck the wall again with a satisfying thud. Then the voice came.

"Impressive."

For half a moment, you thought it was Kenny, peering at you from the rickety second floor overhand, watching you train. But Kenny had taught you not to believe in any miracle that wasn't Ackerman blood, and you lunged for the hilt of the knife sticking from the wall.

A gun racked behind you.

"Please don't."

Your fingers froze, clutching the blade so tight the skin on your finger tips broke on the edge. You took a deep, rattling breath. Okay.

You really hoped he didn't want to shoot you.

You released the knife, turning. Your hands were held out in submission.  You blinked, looking at the tall blonde before you in surprise.

"You're that motherfucker from the other day!" You snarled, "how long have you been waiting? What do you want from us?"

He grinned at your descriptor of him. "I don't see an us here."

You bore your teeth now, furious, "so you waited until he left? For what? You gonna try to sell me?"

He laughed, then, shaking his head, gun wobbling.

“Nah. I don’t trade in little girls. But I do have an offer for you. If you’re interested?” 

You considered your position, and figured that you would be damn lucky if he didn’t kill you and leave your body there to decompose until Levi finally made it back. Fuck, Levi.

“I don’t negotiate well under pressure.” you finally said, nodding at the gun he had loosely grasped in his hands. He chuckled, and lowered the weapon. 

“I think I can work with that.”

Half an hour and two cups of weak tea later, you felt like you could trust Furlan. He was chatty, and friendly in his own point-a-gun-at-you way. You hadn’t talked this much in a while with anyone besides Levi. It was odd, but not unwelcome you supposed. 

“So, there’s a cargo transport through the underground, and you have no idea what’s in it, but you think its worth stealing? And you want to recruit Levi and I?” you recapped. 

He grunted, shaking his head, and set his tea down with a clank. “No, not Levi. We’d have to leave tonight, or tomorrow morning at the latest to cut it off. We don’t have time to wait.”

“Levi and I are a team.” you told him sternly, and Furlan raised an eyebrow at you. You fought the urge to throw your cup at his stupid smug face. 

He stayed silent for a moment (probably sensing your bloodlust), deliberating the cost of his next words, rolling them in his mouth, before deciding to speak. “If you’re a team, why are you here alone?” 

The statement hit its mark, and you flinched. “I... he just didn’t think I was right for the job.” 

“Well, I don’t think he’s right for this one. I can’t wait for him either. So, are you in or not? You can’t spend your life waiting for him to think you’re the right one.” these words, too, hit home.

You thought, for a moment, about how you never wanted to be without Levi. Thought of how he left you behind, how he clearly didn’t mind you being left alone. You considered what would have happened, had Furlan been a trafficker, or just wanted you dead. 

Levi had left you, was outgrowing you. For once never alone didn’t calm you. It felt like an empty promise. Levi wouldn’t be alone. He would always have someone who wanted him now. You, however... you needed security. Before he decided carrying you wasn’t worth the weight. Furlan was tall and strong and he was offering you a chance, ignoring your gender and age. 

You thrust your hand across the table. 

“I want whatever cut it is that you give yourself,” you demanded, “I won’t be paid like a rookie. I know I’m worth more.”

Furlan grinned, slapping his hand into yours and shaking it. His teeth were sharper in the light, even if his smile was warmer, more pleased. 

“y/n, you and I have a deal.”

“Christ, Furlan, you didn’t say we’d be travelling for three days,” Ponye, a tall brunet boy griped. Furlan shrugged, sipping from his mug of warm tea. 

Amaretto, or Ma, a portly sharpshooter, shoved Ponye, nearly knocking him over. “Quit gripin, brat. We’re gonna be rich after all this craps over. Walking for a few days ain’t worth that to ya?” she scolded, and the boy hunkered down. 

“It’s just, I woulda bought new shoes if I’da known.”

Furlan grinned, “You don’t have the money for that, Pon. But you will when we’re done here. C’mon, break time’s over. Time to scramble. Cartel should be through the bottleneck in a couple hours. We gotta set up.”

You heaved to your feet, still observing the small group. There was Ponye, who was younger than you expected him to be, but still strong and angry. There was Amaretto, who had a gimp leg but could shoot out someone’s kneecaps from blocks away. There was Jakobs, who had more knives strapped to him than some vendors had in stock, and who had a wit about as sharp as the blades on them. There was Kur, a small dark haired boy who you forgot was there half the time. Then there was Furlan, who was far more stoic in front of the team he had chosen for this robbery, who seemed to look to you before anyone else for your opinion. You found it odd, to be looked at without lecherous intent by someone other than Levi. 

You began to trail behind the blonde, following him through alleyways even as the group began to disperse to their assigned locations. He had insisted on having you with him, for some reason, and you tried to not be too suspicious. You just couldn’t understand how he valued you as a right hand over Jakobs or Ma. You didn’t feel so far away from the skinny girl who stole bread for her dark haired friend, from the one who needed to be held and carried everywhere by your mother or Miss.

You didn’t ask questions, reminding yourself that this job was an in, a way to make more money than you’d seen since you sold all that medicine back when Miss Kuchel passed. Walls, maybe you could even get out of the underground. Then you and Levi could... 

Well, you didn’t even know where to start. 

You fingered the hilt of your knife on your hip. You hoped Levi was ok, that wherever he was he was safe. You hoped no one had a heist like this planned against him. Not that it would make a difference. Levi was a one man army, and you had faith he would come back to you. 

You followed Furlan up a ladder onto a roof, settling beside him. 

“You ever been out of your corner of the underground?” he asked, and you shrugged. 

“Once. When I was younger. Stole some medicine.” you carefully chose your words, deciding what information to dole out to him. 

He hummed, looking at you, through you. You got this unnerving feeling that he knew what had happened, without you even saying. “I had a sister. Had to steal medicine for her too.”

You looked at him. “I’m sorry.” you finally decided on, not missing his past tense. He had a sister, like you had a mother, and had Miss to take care of you. 

Furlan shrugged your words off. “It’s all over now. All that’s left is to wait to get to see her again, I suppose.” 

“Hopefully you make it a long one. I doubt she’d want to see you again too soon.” 

He laughed, and nodded, “She’d probably kill me if we meet again before I’ve gone gray. She always had such high expectations for my life expectancy.”

You grinned, trying to picture a girl like Furlan. Tall and blonde and quick to smile, sternly telling her younger brother that he’d better live a long and good life. “What was her name?” 

“Frannie. She was always chasing after me and mothering me. I guess that’s what I get for being the younger one,” he sighed, wistful, “I hope that she would be proud of me, you know?”

You thought of your mom, of Miss Kuchel.

 “Yeah, Fur, I know.”

Furlan was an easy man to pass the time with, and soon enough you heard the hooves of horses clicking on the battered cobblestones lining the alleyway. 

You knew the plan, had been repeating it for three days. You and Furlan and Jakobs go in, work on distracting the guards. Ma keeps an eye from her snipers perch, ready to shoot if things get too harried. Ponye runs interference on the otherside of the bottleneck. Kur has the quick job of stealing the cart while everyone’s distracted. 

You didn’t realize how quickly things can go wrong. 

Furlan takes down one guard relatively quick, knocking him to the ground and kicking him cleanly in the head so he goes limp and quiet, incapacitated. You deal with yours in a similar manner. You turn to look at Jakobs when you hear a gunshot. 

At first, you think it’s Ma, saving your ass, but-

-fuck. 

You hear her shout, and see Jakobs slumped against a wall. It takes you half a moment to figure out what you’re even looking at. Half his face has been blown away, bits of blood and viscera splattering the brick behind him. The wide brimmed hat he wore is in tatters, hanging limply on his slumped shoulder. You watch the blood trickle down from the cavity in his head cover one of the hilts of his knives. 

The guard turns to you, and grins. She raises the gun again. You hear a shot.

Levi, you think, I’m so sorry. 

Blood splatters your face covering. Ma, bless her, has shot her stomach wide open with a bullet the size of your finger. She gurgles, and it reminds you of the wet sloshing sound of Vic’s entrails before she hits the ground. 

Fuck, Jakobs.

You hadn’t known him well. He rarely spoke to any of you. But... he had been kind. He had complimented the knife Levi got you. You showed him a few of your tricks and he had laughed and told you they were impressive. He had been kind. 

That was so rare, down here.

You wished you had been the one to kill her, for him. 

Furlan stooped down to look at Jakobs. He fixed his hat as much as he could, murmured an apology, and stood. 

“Let’s go. His cut... it’ll go to his family.”

Here, too, Furlan was better than any boss you had known. Usually, if a man died, it was a bigger cut for everyone else. But Furlan...  

You didn’t bother with being quiet anymore. After those gunshots, the guards had to know what the fuck was going on back here. Either they chose not to help, or they thought you were both dead, and either way their nerves would be frazzled.

You clutched your knife. It hadn’t been sharpened in days, not since Levi left. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it. 

You look through the alley opening to the cart. Old hickory wood and green fabrics and crates make up your objective, and you take stock of the guards surrounding it. Two, but you know there should be at least one more. The driver is there, looking ready to shit herself, and you almost feel bad for her. One of the guards had a dirtied MP logo on his shoulder, and you wonder briefly why he defected to come down to the underground of all places. 

You twirl your knife and lunge at him, vowing to make him regret it. Furlan follows you a beat too late, left to mop up the remaining guard. However, you are intercepted midway. 

The third guard is there, battering you away from the MP, and two others behind him swiftly advance on Furlan. Ponye is tied up and gagged by the entrance of the bottleneck, bleeding from a slash across his eyebrow, and you snarl. 

“Fuckers!” 

You attack him, fueled by anger and the bitterness of a plan gone wrong. Furlan cries out behind you, but you refuse to turn to look, remembering how the first man you had killed almost got the upper hand on you due to your worry for Levi. 

You duck a punch from your hooded attacker, skitter back from a swipe of a blade to your ribs. The knife catches your arm from where you stretched it to counterbalance yourself, and you hiss, bringing your knee up sharply to nail him in the gut. He lets out a wheeze, hunching over himself, and you lunge to kick him over. 

He twists out of the way, looking furious, and plunges his blade towards you. You screech and wheel backwards. You lash out, knocking one of his legs out from him as his knife catches your face, your head covering, and rips skin and fabric alike. You yowl, half blind from the blood running into your eye, and the fluid drips into your mouth. You try not to gag. Fuck, Levi is gonna be so mad when he sees me, you think.

You’re right. 

You hear him snarl your name, and you think you’re going insane. You lunge at the guard again, and he smacks your hit away, clutching you around the waist. You snarl and fight against him, until the voice from under his hood calling you a stupid brat, and a dumb bastard filters into your ears. Holy fuck, you think, no fucking way.

“...Levi?” 

He hisses, furious, shoving you away from him, and turns. He lunges at the guard holding Furlan hostage and drives his knife into his throat, clearing the windpipe easily. The man gurgles and drops, and Furlan splutters and nearly drops with him. 

You think you’re actually going insane, now. Confused and probably concussed and halfway to blind from steadily clotting blood, you watch as Levi turns into a bloody whirlwind, hacking and slashing and destroying every guard in sight. He watches the driver run away screaming and doesn’t pursue her. 

Furlan finds you in the middle of this, grabbing you hastily around the waist and hauling you into the cart. You try to speak, to tell him that this was Levi. But you felt so tired, and your head hurt so much, and... 

You don’t wanna say you blacked out. In fact, you refuse to. You just lost track of some time. You don’t know how you end up back at the safe house with Ma and Kur and Ponye exactly, but you were awake for it, by the walls. Kur ties a strap around the gash on your head, and part of you wants to pretend its Levi but...

“Did you know?” you ask Furlan, and you can feel the dried blood on your lips, can taste iron on your teeth. You feel like an old woman and an old god at once, staring down the tall blonde. 

He blinks at you with his one unblackened eye. “I was unsure.” 

You stand unsteadily, wobbling to your feet. You feel nausea roll up your throat like the tide. “And you didn’t tell me?” you asked, calm and covered in the blood of Jakob and the woman who killed him and you, all mixing together into a dried and tacky river of red.

“I didn’t think it wise to worry you,” he tries, but his eyes are panicked and flickering between Ma and Ponye. 

You snarl, and punch him in his unbruised eye. Kur moves to pull you away, but you shove him off. “Bullshit! You knew this score inside and out. You knew he was here. You fucking knew!”

Furlan picks himself up from where he stumbled into a table. “I wasn’t sure. The possibility of him being there wasn’t enough of a deterrent. Not from this big of a score.” 

“Ma could have killed him!” you rage, now completely unhinged in your anger, “He could have killed me! We could have been left alone!”

“Guys,” Ponye tries to interrupt. 

Furlan bowls over him, unwilling to lose this argument. “Whatever is in those crates was worth the risk!”

“Guys!” Ponye tries again. 

“Was it worth Jakob’s life, though?” Kur murmurs. 

The room falls to a hush. You feel eyes on you, on your blood stained skin and still sticky clothes. You feel like you’ll be sick.

You hear footsteps. 

“So, you got the gear? I was hoping you would get my messages. Didn’t think you would bring her along though.” 

Furlan stammers, coughs, and you turn towards that familiar voice. 

You want to scream and lunge at him, to hug him until everything goes away, until you’re both safe and warm but something in his eyes keeps you at bay. You’d never seen him look so... empty, before. He looks at you, and you feel like he can’t stand the sight. 

“That was you? Giving me the intel?” Furlan finally manages, and Levi huffs, tearing his eyes from you to look at the badly beaten Furlan. 

He hums an affirmative, finally, “I’m sorry about your friend. I didn’t know they had a gun.” 

“His family will be taken care of,” Ma promises, looking stern and determined. “I’ll see to it.” 

Levi nods, seemingly pleased by the news, and walks past you to stare into the crate Ponye had cracked while you were arguing. 

He makes a startled sound you hadn’t heard from him since you’d gotten your revenge for that worm on your pillow, and Ponye is practically vibrating. 

“Guys!” he finally breaks, slinging an arm around Kur and nearly shaking the boy, “We’re gonna be fucking rich! Look at this shit!” 

You walk up and peer over Ma’s shoulder. You feel your heart skip a beat. Now that old MP made sense. 

“Holy walls,” you murmur, “Is that...?”

Levi smiles then, a cruel and sharp little thing, but he still won’t look at you. It feels wrong. 

“Yeah. We were transporting eight crates of Three Dimensional Maneuvering Gear.”

#i have not proofread this #i will not #sorry its bad #levi #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman headcanons #snk fanfiction #snk #snk headcanons #snk imagines #aot #aot fanfiction #aot headcanons #farlan church #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #attack on titan #attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan imagine

[ibelonginthepast]

yoo i really looooved your bucky headcanon thingy it made so much sense???

since you said you loved the marvel one: nat?

Thank you so much dem,, I needed the approval, its very close to me 🥰

AND AH NAT! MY LOVE!!

Sexuality Headcanon: I am gonna go for sex repulsive asexual, pan/bi romantic.

Its ironically funny she uses seduction and sex as a weapon ^_^

She doesn't realize her asexuality for a long long time, and thinks she hates sex because of her trauma and struggles with intimacy. Also cause she doesn't find romance with it ever. She doesn't get it, doesn't realizes its an option to not like sex.

Gender Headcanon: (non binary) she/her. Imma just through some random words. Grace. Feline. Beauty. Alluring. She's that gender that has short chin length curly hair, wears bright red lipsticks, high cheekbones, corsets, black, high heeled boots, knives. U get it.

A ship I have with said character: hmmm ngl I dont think anyone deserves the perfection that she is. Seriously. No one could ever deserve her. Not anyone in mcu yet. BUT, anyone she falls for, I dont mind banner... but I think he wont get her complexity very well. I wanna say valkyrie, but I ship them with cap marvel. Damn I just remembered they really killed nat didn't they? Fuck them. Fucking fuck them. Yeah I dont have a ship for her... no one deserves her yet.

A BROTP I have with said character: HAWKEYE AND NAT I love them so much???? Just so much?????? THEY ARE SO PERFECT, everything about them!!!!! I love how Clint is the soft side of her. I love how nat gets around clint's kids. I love how much nat loves him. How he's the only one who has ever treated her right. I'll actually start sobbing. They are so devoted to each other. I cant even. I love them so much.

A NOTP I have with said character: idk I cant ship her with Steve,, just like not for ever. I like what they had in the movies, how nat struggles with it, but I cant ship them as a legit couple for life nah.

A random headcanon: okay so bts,, nat has a horrible self esteem. she's ambidextrous. she loves dressing up. she prints out photos of rich old white neurotypical able cishet men in power, and practices shooting on them. When she's really mad at Tony or Steve or Banner, she adds them there on her target boards for practice, and it has horrified them to sometimes find their bigass postures punctured with bullet holes. Shes a fierce feminist and wears the label proud. She has had convos around this with every male on her team. She has hit them all in the head, rolled her eyes at their dumbfuck explanations of why they dont like the term feminist and helped them understand better what it is and make them know that they are in fact feminists too. she's an empath. I dont think that even hc, I think its very clearly shown just not acknowledged. Shes extremely forgiving, and believes in redemption of anyone. Shes for rehabilitation, anti-prison. She hates the concept of governments in general. She is nihilistic. She is a communist and passionate about it. She's secretly a philosophy simp, reads a lot about them when she treats herself.

Even though shes all for redemption, she struggles with forgiving herself and is very hard on herself. Her hypocrisy is really cringe and bothering here.

She has a thing for textures. She picks up stones, and cloth pieces and rubs her fingers on them sometimes.

she's an artist. She used to draw in red and black a lot, and has some ink sketches journals, where she has drawn random glimpses of her memories. She longs for a calm life by the sea where she can stargaze. The only time she actually did anything other than ink was, when she tried to pain open night skies and oceans. Cause pics like those make her heart ache. She tries painting them to capture the longing for freedom, otherworldliness, calmness, serenity they make her ache for. But she never captured them right and never was satisfied with them.

Something about her orientation? Because of the red room, she has a very complicated relationship with gender expression. The red room forced a form of femininity on her uk? she was forced to reject traditional soft expression of femininity. But forced the ballet kind of femininity, of using femininity as a weapon, or being powerful with feminine grace. She was forced to use her sexuality as a weapon. She thinks that her need to be voluptuous was something beaten into her in the red room. This all caused her a lot of problems with her identity. When she started recognizing what the red room did to her, she had the urge to be reject her sexual expression. This conflicts with her asexuality too. She tried changing a lot. A lot of internalized misogyny angst here. In her struggles to pursue a romantic relationship, she tried to fit in by being stereotypically feminine too, flowers, motherly devotion and care and all that. But she can't do it. She struggles with understanding want for kids. She struggles with gender roles and confuses them with gender too. She shifts a lot. She struggles with defining her own femininity for a long while. Cause she's naturally emotional, she hates herself for it for a long time cause she associates it with weak aspects of femininity. But eventually, she stops the what ifs, and tho it sounds fucked up, she accepts that the red room made her who she is and she doesn't need to fret over what could have become of her, cause after all our circumstances and environment do shape us. eventually she gets around rejecting gender as a concept, thinks it's fluid, and believes its boxing is a total social construct and fraud. She does what she likes. She goes with she/her pronouns cause she believes that they match with her expression and help people perceive her better and know what to expect.

Cause she ded, am sed. Cant hc her for old age, I wish I could. Really.

General Opinion over said character: what can I say, simp for the emotionally wrecked female power icon who hides all her emotions away and keeps the family together is so very fucking devoted,,, is my shit. I'll do anything for her, she can take me in and make me her slave.

I feel like I didn't do well with her. Idk its 2 am, my brain's not the best rn. Maybe ill add more later. Thanks dem <3 sry if this is disappointing 😔

#natasha romanoff #marvel

[sparrowwritings]

Final Fantasy 14 Writing Challenge Day Six: Champagne taste, Beer budget

Day Five -- Masterpost -- Day Seven

“Lara.”

“I know, I know. I was stupid and just said the first thing that came to mind.”

“Lara.”

“But like, boy did that shut him up when I asked. Did you see his face?? Priceless.”

“Lara.”

“I shouldn’t be this satisfied about it but oh my gods I’m so pumped I could fight another Lightwarden.”

“Lara, you invited Emet-Selch--you know, the Ascian that’s been bugging us on the First this whole time--to have dinner with us. If we don’t get murdered by him, we’re definitely going to be murdered by Alisaie. After everyone else lectures us to death. The Exarch might even cry. I know he’s all mysterious and such but I get the feeling he definitely would if he found out we invited an enemy to dinner.”

“It should be...well not fine but it should be okay. He keeps saying he won’t work against us and this will prove if he’s even a little bit trustworthy. We just...don’t have to tell anyone about it.”

“HOW? Everyone in the Crystarium knows everyone else and they’ll definitely say something to our friends when they see the Warriors of Darkness having dinner with a tall guy with black clothes, white-and-brown hair and an extra eye on his forehead. It won’t even take a day.”

“And that’s why we have dinner with him in our room. He can teleport anywhere, we can have a very awkward meal, no one finds out and we’re solid.”

“...Our room.” 

“Yes.”

“Where the shades of Ardbert and Gwyneth hang out waiting for us when they’re not wandering because no one can see them except us and they can’t even see each other.”

“......look, you’re as aware of our record for good plans as I am. This isn’t even the worst one I’ve ever come up with.”

“That’s...sadly true.” 

“...It’s okay you can say it’s a bad idea and I can try to come up with a way to say that we changed our mind without insulting him--”

“No, don’t.”

“Huh?”

“You’re right. For sure Emet-Selch’s not telling us everything, but...it’d be nice to know if he means it when he says he wants us to understand his point of view.”

“...Yeah. Even if it didn’t work out so well when we tried that with Emperor Varis.”

“Mmhm. Although, that reminds me...what are we even going to feed him? He used to be an Emperor, he’s probably used to super expensive foods. We’re not exactly flush with gil.”

“I’ll...think of something. Improvisation is key to being a great Culinarian, as Chef Lyngsath says.”

-----

“This is a horrible mistake.” Ardbert leaned against the wooden countertop of the small kitchen of the room that Lara and Roger shared. He really didn’t need to, being intangible to all but Lara herself, but it was one of the few things that made him feel like more than just a shade. Besides which, he needed to showcase just how upset he was.

Lara rolled her eyes as she uncovered a pot and checked on the food inside. “It’s not going to be any less of a mistake the twelfth time you mention it. We just have to see it through.”

“And if Emet-Selch decides, as Ascians are wont to do, to forget about any promises he’s made and just kill you both while you’re at your most vulnerable?” 

“Well then we’ll see that through, too.” She set the lid back down, apparently satisfied with how it looked. “For now, though, I’m just going to focus on getting through dinner without any incidents. How’s the table looking, Roger?”

“It’s fine.” Roger muttered as he poked a finger into one of his ears. “Gwyn’s, uh, letting me know her opinion on our guest but everything’s set.”

Not for the first time, Ardbert felt a flare of emotion burst in his chest. A mixture of fierce pride and overwhelming sadness. For all that he couldn’t touch anything in this state, it seemed like any sort of feelings within himself was all the more intense. Particularly when they involved his sister, Gwyneth. The one other shade that was similarly denied the ability to move onward when his friends had gone where the Oracle of Light had led them.

The one other shade he couldn’t see much less detect, even while they stood in the same room.

Truly fate was set to reject anything close to happiness for him.

Whether it was in response to his expression or something else, Lara snapped her fingers in front of Ardbert’s face a couple of times to get his attention. “Look, just pay attention to what Emet-Selch does and let me know if you notice anything--well, odd’s not the right word because he’s all odd, but anything that might look like he’s about to kill us.” She then directed her voice in the general direction of the dinner table. “Same goes for you and Roger, Gwyneth! If he looks like he’s about to try something, be sure to scream or something.” 

“She’s sulking on the desk chair on the platform, actually, but Gwyn says she heard you the first time.” A snort left Ardbert’s nose before he could stop himself. 

His good humor died with the rapping at the chamber door.

Roger and Lara gave each other a look before he went to answer it. Against the advice of Ardbert (and from context clues, Gywneth too), both of the Warriors of Darkness were dressed in more casual clothing. As if they had set a time to sup with one of their Scion friends and not a being that was directly responsible for the chaos and misery plaguing all fourteen parallel worlds. He stomped over to a better vantage point as the door opened and Emet-Selch entered. 

The man’s pale yellow eyes scanned the room, taking in every detail even as they slid over where the shades were located. They lingered briefly on the platform where the two beds were positioned at opposite corners with the desk set up between them before settling on Roger.  A slimy smirk tugged at his lips that made Ardbert want to smack him. “I see you’ve made do with what the Crystarium could afford to spare.” Every word that dripped out of his mouth had the tang of sarcasm. “There’s nothing quite like what you can find on the Source.”

Instead of taking the argument bait, Roger gave a one-shoulder shrug as he closed the door. “We take what we can get. It’s how adventurers work.” He walked back and offered Emet-Selch one of the actual chairs that had been provided to the Warriors of Darkness before making his way to a stool. The man sat and immediately slouched, crossing one leg over the other while folding his arms. 

“So what you’re saying is that your invitation to dinner was more akin to asking if I’d enjoy whatever vaguely edible scraps you could whip together. Perhaps I should leave before you attempt to poison this body of mine.”

“Yes, please.” Ardbert called out. “And don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out.” Lara bit her lip and hard to keep herself from inappropriately laughing as she carefully plated the meal. Roger suddenly coughed, indicating that Gwyn had a similar comment.

“The invitation was a genuine thing, Emet-Selch.” She said lightly while balancing three dishes in her hands. “You said you wanted us to see your perspective, right? Well,” Lara set a plate in front of the man first. “In my experience, one of the better ways to discuss topics is over food.” She made her way over to the other side of the table and set the far more vegetable-laden plate in front of Roger before sitting down with her own meal. 

“So.” She smiled, but Ardbert could tell it was the kind that merchants used with customers. “We’ll start with pleasantries and see where it goes from there, just like any other person at dinner. And no, nothing is poisoned.”

A tense quiet fell over the table. Instinct more than necessity had Ardbert holding his breath. Eventually, Emet-Selch sat forward in his chair and took a couple of the utensils set out for him. With the ease and grace of one who had broken bread among nobles for decades, he carefully cut a small bite’s worth of the meal and ate it. After chewing for a moment and swallowing, he declared, “Not poisoned indeed. It seems you do have some skill in something other than murder.”

Lara let out the breath that she’d been holding in something like a relieved sigh and her smile was somewhat more genuine this time. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

The rest of the dinner was just as awkward as expected. Emet-Selch spent far more time making verbal jabs at the lifestyle of the Warriors of Darkness and the quality of their friends than he did giving any useful information. He gestured quite a bit while he spoke, but nothing seemed to indicate that he planned to kill them with dark magics or summon sin eaters directly into the room to do it for him. Not that Ardbert ever stopped being alert to any potential danger.

When the meal was finished and he’d made to leave, Roger had the courage to ask why that was. He’d given a smirk and responded, “It’s far too much effort to explain a concept multiple times, particularly to those who wouldn’t understand it the first time.” He turned and gave a dramatic wave above his head as a violet portal opened ahead of him. “And for as novel as this dinner was, I’m afraid I must decline any future invitations. Until next we meet.”

Minutes later, the Crystal Exarch paid a visit and Ardbert had a much grander time watching the two stumble over themselves explaining what had happened as the older man chided them. They’d completely forgotten that he could see what Roger and Lara were up to through his mirror in the Crystal Tower.

#Final fantasy 14 #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #fanfiction #writing challenge #champagne taste beer budget #dual WoL AU #roger briden #lara marner #emet-selch #ardbert #crystal exarch #Gwyneth #who in this AU is Ardbert's younger sister #that joined up with him for his adventures #they can't see each other mostly because *drama* #but also because that isolation from everyone and everything for a century was too important to ardbert's character to just ignore #so you get a whole new layer of angst #hurray! #and also other implications that i won't spell out here at least #a little late but hey i got it #six down twenty five to go

[eclectic-aussie]

Things I Want in the Final Season of the 100 That Wont Happen

Well the roller-coaster that is the 100 is coming into its final season which leaves me very sad that one of favourite shows in ending, but also curious about the things that will be wrapped up and the things that will be glossed over now that it’s coming to an end. Then I thought to myself; ‘What things do I really want to see before it ends and how likely are they to happen?’ So, here are just a few to start off with, with probably more to be written about later as the promo stuff comes out probably in 2020:

 1.The most obvious thing I WANT: Bellarke to happen and be endgame. Shocked? Why, it’s obvious I’m a Bellarke shipper, what are you nuts?! Yes, I really hope that they have Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin to finally be able to be together after the 131 years its been teased. I cannot tell you how much I love these two, so I wont go into everything, but if they just built up these two and their relationship and support and love for each other just to slap them with a ‘Platonic’ label in the end…there will be no end to how pissed I will be for their waste of one of my favourite tv/movie couples ever. If the show doesn’t end with Bellamy, Clarke and Madi as a family with Bellarke being co-leaders as voted by Wonkru (if possibly not Spacekru) and possibly also having a few little Griffin-Blake bubs to be acknowledged ala the end of the original Charmed, then they have done a huge disservice to their fan-base and I probably wont trust anything they (a certain someone in particular) again since they’ve teased and recanted so many times, it’s just ridiculous at this point.

 2.I want Wonkru to vote for their new leader, and I want that leader to be Clarke. They revered Wanheda for taking down the Mountain when their own Heda made deals with the monsters who used her people as disposable blood bags for 40ish years. Clarke went into the City of Light and shut it down, finding out about the 2nd end of the world in the process which is the only reason any of them survived it. SHE survived Praimfaya and even managed to find Madi, the last Nightblood, and raised her on her own. She may have betrayed Bellamy and took Madi to the Valley and sided with McCreary (which to be fair was her only option other than DEATH at the time) but she was also the only reason Raven didn’t bomb Wonkru and Spacekru to save herself and Shaw and overthrew and killed McCreary. Add to that now that Clarke survived a procedure no-one else had in 250+ years, she fought against an immortal ‘God’ and won back control over her own body, fooled the other ‘Gods’ into thinking she was one of them, stopped them from wiping the minds of everyone still in Cryo, helped Madi take control from Sheidheda and got rid of the mind-wiping serum and about half of the Primes in the process and…I’m going to say Wanheda had probably never looked so fierce and badass before and that’s saying something.

Grounders respect strength, but I think they (Indra and Gaia especially) also realise that it’s not just strength they’ll need on the new world, it’s compassion and Clarke has consistently had that in spades. Don’t agree? Then rewatch the series and note down the people who have betrayed/mistreated/more or less spat in Clarke’s face that she’s not only forgiven but also usually turned into allies, I’ll wait. Hold on, no I wont it would take too long. Anyway, even when her own people use her as their verbal punching bag (repeatedly. Looking at you Raven) she rarely retaliated or lashed out back, usually just getting a pained look before shrugging it off and moving forward. I want Wonkru to want Clarke as their leader…and I want her to say no at first. I want her to have to be talked into it, not because she doesn’t want to help etc but because at this point she’s just bloody tried and grieving and probably just wants to take a breath! Add to that she probably doesn’t think she’s the kind of leader they want/need when not in war. I want Indra, Gaia and Miller to include her in meeting about what to do next, to ask and value her input/suggestions while giving their own. I want them to be sneaky, and kind of ease her into the position when she’s just thinking their having a general discussion. I want Clarke to try and push Bellamy as their leader, and end up having them be co-leaders because of course they are. Add to that, I don’t want Spacekru to be a part of these discussions at first, maybe only being treated like workers instead of key decision makers.

 3.Tied to the above, I want Spacekru to have the rug pulled out from under them. Now don’t get me wrong, as a whole I really like most of the members of Spacekru, but their continued “we’re better than everyone else” schtick grated my nerves all season 6. Their actions in season 5 are just as responsible for McCreary destroying the Earth as anyone else’s, they were the ones to put him in charge in the first place for crying out loud!, but they don’t hold themselves at all accountable, instead heaping all the blame on the easy target: Clarke. Was Clarke blameless for what happened in season 5? Hell no! But Spacekru acting like they had no part in it and using Clarke as their verbal punching bag (again) for a good chunk of season 6 was bull. Add to that, that 5 out of 8 of them have tried to kill Clarke in the last 3 weeks (ok, Emori would have been counted as a half but she did kind of applaud Murphy helping Clarke’s murderers as ‘the survivors move’ and only told Bellamy about Clarke being alive because of her loyalty to him/Spacekru not because she actually cared about Clarke really so…yep. Oh and since Raven watching and doing nothing to stop Echo kill Clarke would make her an accessory in most legal systems I’m counting her just as culpable and guilty of Echo almost killing Clarke) them being aghast at the Primes for doing the same is pretty funny (except Bellamy, poor lamb).

So, yes, now that Wonkru (especially Indra, our droll queen of not taking any bullshit!) is in Sanctum too I kind of want Spacekru to puff themselves up, thinking they’re awesome for ‘handling’ the Prime problem and then…I don’t know, be put on trial for their actions against Wanheda and Madi? Before the ranting and raving begins, just hear me out (and take note that I’m already writing a fanfic where this happens): say what you want about Wonkru and the Grounders, they’ve always had a hell of a lot more gratitude and respect for Clarke/Wanheda than her own people have, as stated in point 2. Add to that, that Gaia and Miller witnessed for themselves that Spacekru’s actions largely made the situation worse, again, and Murphy and Raven telling Russell about the bone-marrow solution to save themselves from being burned alive (thanks, Echo), putting Madi in a huge amount of danger in the process. I want the prisoners to kind of get in on it too, a bit. I want them to tell Wonkru about Spacekru’s actions in the Valley and how they pretty much tripped ass backwards into putting McCreary in charge and undermining everything Bellamy and Clarke were trying to do to bring about a truce at the time. I also want (and this is going to set SO MANY people off!!) the prisoners to tell Indra about what they overheard on the radio on the night before the world burned. I want them to tell Indra and the others about how close Clarke came to being murdered to ‘avenge Bellamy’ and that it was Madi that stopped Echo from killing Clarke, while Raven and Shaw stood back and did nothing. I want it to come out that even after Echo tried to kill her, Clarke protected her from McCreary killing her, TWICE, for the man Echo would have killed her to avenge even though Clarke though he was dead. I want all this information to come out at ‘trial’, maybe even have a recording of the radio in Clarke’s pocket as proof and Emori, Murphy and Bellamy to find out right before they’re led away to wait for deliberation. I want Bellamy to fight between using his heart and his head as his view of his family is rocked with the new information as he puzzles out which version of them was on the Ring: who they were or who they needed to be to survive, and whether he could trust them off the Ring. Dun Dun DUNNN!!

 4.I want Becho to break-up (obviously, see point 1) but I want it to come after a few things are revealed. Look, as a character I don’t have anything against Echo on the whole but she is a character where we’re told one thing: that she’s changed on the Ring and is a ‘good guy’ now, and (in my opinion) we’re shown another: she still betrays her allies to further her own goals (turning in Shaw against Raven’s wishes, baiting and belittling, and eventually killing, Ryder), still goes behind her leaders back and goes too far to try and get them what they want by means they’d never agree to (going undercover in the Conclave to cheat which got her banished by Roan, trying to kill Clarke in front of Madi to ‘avenge’ Bellamy). I mean she herself pretty much said that she hasn’t changed when she stabbed and killed an unarmed, outnumbered Ryker while stating “Hesitation is death.” Which was Nia’s creed which Echo is seen once again embracing. The only time she even attempts to be ‘the good guy’ is in front of Bellamy, and even then her first response is usually ‘we need to fight our way out’ to pretty much every situation. I know a lot of people say that they think that Echo will realise Bellamy is still in love with Clarke and graciously step aside, but honestly that seems a bit out of character. Echo has pined for Bellamy since before Praimfaya and when you factor in her possibly feeling like her place in their family being threatened if she’s no longer Bellamy’s girlfriend I can’t really see Echo giving up without a fight. I want Bellamy to really try and figure out who and what he wants and fight for it, but still let Echo down easy and reassuring her that she’s still family. And then a little bit of time to let things settle and mourn what they had even if it ends somewhat amicably (Spacekru will probably be pissed).

 5.Now onto something lighter: I want more Bellamy and Madi bonding! Let’s be honest here, Bellamy has been a papa-bear since season 1 (which was why it really threw me when he was so ready and willing to turn Madi into a child soldier with the Flame, but moving on) and I really want to see Bellamy and Madi to spend time together; Madi telling Bellamy stories about her and Clarke’s time in the Valley and wanting to hear Bellamy’s stories about his and Clarke’s time together before Praimfaya. I want Madi to tell Bellamy that he and Octavia were routinely the heroes of Clarke’s stories and for him to be shocked (and a little saddened) that Clarke didn’t see herself as a hero. I want Madi to be kind of enamoured with him, since he was pretty much the only one (besides Monty and Harper) who lived up to the stories Clarke told her growing up and because he risked everything to save Clarke. I want Bellamy to kind of embrace his unofficial role as father-figure, telling her stories of mythology and history, spending time with her while her bone-marrow grows back and she’s in isolation. Controversial: (like this whole thing isn’t that already) I want there to be a point where it gets to be too much and Madi loses it. Where her almost losing Clarke, and fighting Sheidheda in her head and being tied down and having her bone marrow take without her consent to catch-up with her and she just breaks down and sobs her heart out. And I don’t want Clarke to be there to comfort her. I want Bellamy to be there and help her through it; telling her it’s ok to still feel the pain of the almost loss and that it’s ok to not always be strong for Clarke’s sake so she doesn’t worry. I want Bellamy and Madi to sit together as they grieve the horrible almost that would have taken Clarke from them. Oh, and I want her to teach him to spear fish.

 6. Now this, I know is DEFINITELY not going to happen: I want Murphy and Raven to have to earn Clarke’s forgiveness/friendship. Say what you will about Clarke’s actions in season 5, both Murphy and Raven would be dead dozens of times over throughout the series if it wasn’t for Clarke. Hell, Bellamy almost killed Murphy at least 3 times at the Dropship in season 1 and was only stopped by Clarke’s intervention. Like I said, say what you will but Murphy actively helped Josephine to not only try to stop Spacekru/Wonkru (though mainly Bellamy, lets be honest) from retaliating for Clarke’s murder by the Primes, he would have helped Josephine erase Clarke from her own damn head if Emori hadn’t gone behind his back and told Bellamy about it. And Raven? Raven stood back and did nothing to stop Echo from trying to kill her in front of Madi, because she thought she was justified and then played the victim when Clarke had an actual plan and didn’t just lay down and die like they planned. She told Clarke the only difference between her and Blodreigna was Blodreigna didn’t pretend to feel bad about the things she’d done. Raven and Murphy were the main ones (but not the only ones) who more or less called Clarke a monster and treated her like she was nothing. They were the ones who told Russell about the Nighblood solution being made from bone-marrow (even after Raven watched Kane kill himself, taking the safer-to-make Nightblood solution with him so the Primes couldn’t create more Nightbloods) and Raven talked Abby into taking the marrow from Madi. In general we got a lot of Clarke bashing from Murphy and Raven this past season and even though I KNOW they’ll just have Clarke overlook them mistreating her because that’s what she does, I really wish that they’d have Murphy and Raven show some self-awareness and pull their heads out of their arses and actually make an effort towards Clarke for once, instead of only showing any care, friendship or compassion towards her when they need her to make another impossible decision, if then.

 7.Fluff alert: I want Bellamy to be a bit nervous about Clarke finding out about the deal he made with the Primes. I want him to tear himself up a bit with the guilt of not telling her, maybe made worse by Murphy ‘teasing’ him about it, before caving and admitting it to Clarke, ashamed that he made a deal with her murderers to overlook her death for resources and help. I want her to grab his hand of some kind of physical contact before she tells him she knew all about it. I want him to be shocked and appalled that she didn’t seem upset and that she should hate him. I want her to smile at him, and tell him she had been upset at first, but could never hate him for that. That she had been proud of him, just like she was after Praimfaya. I want fluffiness, tears and forgiveness!!!

 8.Octavia? Yeah, she’s not dead.

 9.I swear to GOD if they make Jordan another Jasper, there will be riots in the bloody streets, you hear me?! RIOTS!!

 That’s all I can think of from the top of my head but before anyone asks; yes, a few of these are very specific because I’ve already written scenes that cover all of these that I will be incorporating into my season 7 spec fic of ‘things that will probably never happen’ that I’ll put on AO3 and FF.net at some point in the coming months.

If you don’t agree with something I’ve written above, then that’s all well and good and you’re entitled to your opinion as much as I am. However, please refrain from spewing hate into my inbox because…well I honestly don’t care if you agree with me or not. This is simply my OPINION of what I’D like to see, that I’ve stated multiple times that I honestly don’t hold out hope on the whole that any (besides number 1, 8 and 9) will end up happening.

#the 100 #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #madi griffin #bellarke #anti becho #don't like don't read

[allimariexf]

Do you think Felicity saying what is best for her is probably is not what's best for them is her wanting space or is there more to it than that? In my mind I thought that was basically her fear talking and afraid Oliver wont love this new version of her and she is just not sure how they move forward. I didn't see it as them separating just kind of like "where do we go from here, how do we fix this" What do u think?

Anon, I’m so glad you asked! I happen to have very strong opinions about this. Short version: I agree with you :)

For three reasons:

1. The logic of the story itself. Some people are interpreting Felicity’s words at the end of the episode to mean that she wants to break up or separate from Oliver, but I firmly believe that when Felicity says “I just don’t know if what’s best for me right now is the same thing as what’s best for us,” she is specifically referring to the fact that she has irrevocably changed and she is afraid that Oliver cannot love the “new” her.” Because:

The entire episode, she was fiercely loving and protective toward Oliver, and showed no sign of pulling away at all until after he says “the old you is the person I fell in love with.” 

Sure, they were awkward and struggling to find their footing with each other, but 

Felicity came to him in the shower

she leaned into him when he zipped her dress

she gave a small speech about him being a hero

she was overwhelmed by the fact that he remembered their anniversary and the vows he spoke at their wedding

she shielded him from the prying of the paparazzi, and Max Fuller, and the team

and she threw around that “my husband” like nobody’s business

When Oliver starts to question her and she stands up for how she’s changed, it’s only then that she withdraws from him. Up until that point, she was certain of his love for her, and with that she can get through anything. 

But he straight up tells her that he fell in love with WHAT SHE SEES AS A VERY DIFFERENT version of her.

(And of course that’s the key, right?? We know, and Oliver knows, that she’s not actually a totally different person now - she’s just exhibiting different facets of the STRONG - not weak - person that she always has been. But in her mind, she’s become someone else entirely, and she is afraid that he cannot love this new version of her.)

And her love for him is her biggest vulnerability (and I think in part this is part of what she was getting at when she said “I love you more than a human being should love another human being” - not that I don’t LOVE that line, for reasons). So in order to protect herself in this situation, she does that very Felicity thing - she withdraws. 

And of course, let’s not forget how clear it is that her love for him is NOT IN QUESTION. In addition to all the little signs throughout the episode, there’s also the fact that:

she says, very clearly, “I want to” begin pushing in the same direction as him again

she absolutely declares “I love you more than a human being should love another human being.” !!!!!!!!!!

2. The overall narrative conflict that we always see on TV, definitely including Arrow. By this I mean the fact that TV is broken into episodes the way that a nuanced sentence is broken up with punctuation. The sentence doesn’t make sense if you stop reading at the first comma. The same is true for TV: we like to speculate and worry over every pause and cliffhanger as if it’s the end, but the truth is there’s a larger story being told here, and I absolutely believe it’s heading in a good direction. For reference, please consider:

the end of 2x23

the end of 3x01

the end of 3x09

the end of 3x12 

3x15

(guess I’m seeing some narrative arc parallels between season 3 and season 7, hmm?)

and then REMEMBER THE END OF SEASON 3

3. Stephen’s (possibly spoilery?) comments in this article: “I learn that a lot of the stuff that Diaz was saying about Felicity is true, and I thought the way that we worked it out - and we do work it out pretty quickly — we come to an understanding that nothing’s ever going to be perfect…or normal about our relationship, and I think that the sooner that the two of them accept that, the sooner that they can move on with their lives.” This comment not only anticipates the angst we’re currently seeing, but it assures me that it will be resolved to my satisfaction, sooner rather than later. Nothing about that quote says break up to me. It just says different, which I interpret to mean better and stronger.

#arrow #arrow meta #olicity #olicity meta #my meta #allimariexf arrow meta #arrow 7x08 #arrow season 7 speculation #Anonymous

[stitchcasual]

Space of a Breath

Kiss Prompt #13 (following the kiss with a series of kisses down the neck) with the Captain/Hawke for @poisonedgeekie <3

A/N: this is essentially an Albatross!AU (which is itself an AU so \o/) which if you haven’t read your background is this: Hawke has joined the Templars, one of Kirkwall’s gangs, engaged in a turf war with another gang, the Qunari. The Captain in the above pairing is Cullen, as you may guess.

He finds Hawke on the roof of the safehouse afterward, staring out toward Hightown as he is sometimes wont to do. He knows why. There is a lot he doesn’t know about Hawke, and less he is likely to learn, but he knows this. He understands this. He scuffs his boots against the gravel of the roof to alert Hawke to his presence before he approaches, standing next to him at the edge. Hawke grunts a greeting but doesn’t otherwise acknowledge him. His eyes are closed, the Captain sees when he looks over. Odd.

“Is...everything alright?”

Hawke snorts, the ghost of a laugh, and fluffs the dreads at the back of his neck. “Sure.”

The Captain frowns. He decides on a different tack. “I’ll need your report on the mission by tomorrow. There are some things I need to look into.”

At that Hawke nods and his eyes open, shifting to the corners to meet the Captain’s. “Yes, ser,” he says, and the Captain can see his back straighten just a little though he remains where he is. Hawke has been this way since the day they met, something in him responding to something in the Captain. He is...curious, though he knows he shouldn’t be, knows that going down that road will lead to nothing but heartbreak and pain for the both of them. He can’t help it. He wants. And Hawke…

“Face me,” the Captain commands, and Hawke does, revolving slowly on the spot until they’re looking at each other straight on. He takes one hand out of his pockets and lets them both hang relaxed at his sides, waiting, blinking mildly at the Captain. The Captain, whose mouth has run dry, who has to concentrate on swallowing around the tightness in his throat.

“Mission report, now,” he says, his voice a hoarse whisper.

Hawke’s shoulders square up, and he clasps his hands behind his back. “Ser, permission to speak freely.”

“Granted.”

“Ser, all due respect, V has no idea what the fuck he’s doing. He nearly got the entire team killed because he couldn’t wait three more minutes for backup to arrive before sweeping the base. He’s lucky the Qunari weren’t there in the numbers we expected or you’d be talking to a corpse. Another corpse. Ser.”

Hawke’s eyes are fixed just over the Captain’s left shoulder as he speaks, slightly unfocused but hard and angry. The Captain snaps his fingers, drawing those brown eyes to his.

“Look at me when you speak.”

“Yes, ser.” His eyes widen, just a touch. “My opinion, he shouldn’t be leading men, or mark my words, one of these days his whole squad won’t come home and the only good thing to come out of that is that he won’t be coming back either. He underestimates the Qunari. You have to respect them.”

The Captain raises an eyebrow. “Respect them? Why?”

Hawke mirrors the expression, letting the Captain know he understands this is a test and he’s amused by it. The Captain’s lips twitch upward.

“Respect doesn’t mean rolling over. I can respect the hell out of them and still put them down. Respect just means I do it smarter. You don’t have a healthy respect for what your enemy is capable of, you’ll lose.” Hawke rolls his shoulders in a shrug, and the Captain nods.

“Anything else?”

“Some minor adjustments to the team compositions, but that’s it.”

He nods again, cupping his chin in his hand. “You’ll write those up and give them to me tomorrow to review.”

“Whatever you say, ser.”

Indeed.

“Don’t move.”

Hawke’s eyebrows raise in question as the Captain steps forward, into the proper space they had left between them. The two of them are nearly of a height, though Hawke beats him out by a few inches, so he doesn’t have far to go to press his lips to Hawke’s cheek, one hand coming up to slot against Hawke’s jaw. He feels it when all the breath in Hawke’s body is released in a whoosh through his nose.

He pulls back, though he doesn’t let go of Hawke’s face. “Say ‘Mia’ and I will stop. Nothing will change between us; I will hold nothing against you.” He searches Hawke’s eyes for understanding and sees hunger reflected back at him. Hawke’s next exhale sounds like a whine, and the Captain kisses him, first his top lip then his bottom lip, before breaking away.

“Say it now so that I know you understand.”

“M-Mia.”

“Good.”

He can see Hawke’s pupils dilate at the praise and surges forward, claiming Hawke’s mouth with his in a fierce kiss. His hand on Hawke’s jaw holds him steady, not giving Hawke an inch of leeway to move, not that he’s moving. Hawke hasn’t budged since the Captain told him not to, and that fills the Captain’s heart and mind with all sorts of things, mostly static because it’s hard to think pressed against Hawke as he is but some ideas trickle down, floating deliciously through his veins.

He seizes on one and abruptly spins Hawke, shoving him away from the edge of the roof. While he can’t deny a certain thrill that runs through him at the thought of other Templars outside seeing him take Hawke as his, that isn’t why he’s doing this today. This isn’t a public performance, and Hawke hasn’t agreed to be used like that. No, this is for them, for Hawke, whose mind, the Captain can tell, is still somewhat preoccupied with thoughts of the mission that went sideways not two hours prior. He wants to distract Hawke, pull his mind away from the spiraling paths of “what if” and “why didn’t I” that he himself knows all too well.

“It was not your fault,” he growls as he marches Hawke backward until the transformer box halts their progress, driving the breath from Hawke even as the Captain dives forward to capture his lips again. He softens the kiss, slows it, takes his time exploring and teasing with his teeth and tongue. Hawke is wonderfully pliant beneath him, responsive to each move he makes, breaths leaving him in little moans and whimpers. Without breaking away from Hawke’s mouth, the Captain reaches down with his hands, pulling Hawke’s up from where they are still clasped, settling them into the space between Hawke’s body and the transformer. He presses back against Hawke’s hips, effectively trapping the man’s arms with his own body.

“Do. Not. Move.” He punctuates the words with kisses, trailing from the corner of Hawke’s mouth across his jaw. He nips around the shell of Hawke’s ear.

“M—” Whatever Hawke had been about to say cuts off with a strangled cry, and the Captain steps back a few paces, creating space between them, pulling his own hands behind his back.

“Hawke?”

“M-more. Ser.”

Heat floods him and his eyes half close as he smiles, keeping his distance for one more moment, looking at Hawke held against the transformer by desire and obedience. Those brown eyes are hooded and dark, and nowhere can he see a trace of the thoughts that had plagued him earlier.

“Very good,” he murmurs, savoring the hitch in Hawke’s breath at his words. He crosses the space between them slowly, deliberately, wanting to keep this image in front of him as long as he can. He also wants Hawke, and the last few inches he rushes so he can kiss that mouth again and hear Hawke groan into him.

His hands he places one on Hawke’s cheek and the other at the base of his head, gripping firmly. He uses the leverage to tilt Hawke’s head up and to the side, exposing the long, dark line of his throat. He scrapes his teeth across it before placing kisses, soothing and rough. The hand on Hawke’s cheek lowers, grasps the other side of Hawke’s neck to feel his pulse, the stutters in his breath, as the Captain nips and kisses his way over his throat, pausing to nibble on his earlobe before working his torturous way back down to Hawke’s collarbone.

Hawke gasps as the Captain sucks at the juncture of his neck, jerking off the transformer before forcing himself back, his body responding to the pleased hum the Captain emits at that, though he doesn’t let it move again. The Captain makes that sound again as he feels Hawke’s head and neck fully relax, finally, into the stability provided by his hands. He manipulates Hawke’s head to bare the other side of his throat, the static in his mind backed by a litany of thankful prayers. He’s not sure what he did to deserve this, isn’t even sure that he does, but he’s grateful he has it for as long as he may and he’ll do his damndest to make sure Hawke feels the same way.

#cullen/male hawke #cullen rutherford x male hawke #dragon age 2 #safeword #kissing #serious kissing #some D/s goin on #I'm shit at tags #let me know if you need something tagged #kissfic #kiss prompt #da2 #poisonedgeekie #love you! #stitch fic

[dracimalfoy1988292]

CATORCE

•••

It was the day of the full moon and Remus felt awful. His hearing and eyesight were heightened, and he had a strong headache. His scars were enhanced and he had big eye bags.

Ivy walked into Transfiguration and sat down next to Remus. She greeted him, her gaze lingering on his sick face.

"You're sick? Again? I swear, you need more vitamins or something," Ivy grumbled as she got out her Transfiguration book. Remus smiled weakly.

"I'm fine."

"Well, you don't seem like it. You need rest, obviously," Ivy said as she waited for McGonagall to start class.

"I assure you that I'm fine. I'm a bit tired, but I'm okay," Remus said as Ivy looked at him skeptically.

"Okay. But if you feel any worse, go take a nap," She said worriedly. McGonagall cleared her throat and began class.4

Transfiguration had always been a class Ivy enjoyed, but not as much as Potions. This was James's best class.

Today in Transfiguration they reviewed spells that would be on the O.W.L.'s and spent a lot of time reading. Ivy thought she understood it, but wasn't so sure after reading the chapter.

"Are you gonna take Transfiguration next year?" Ivy asked James as they walked to Potions. He scoffed with a confident smirk.

"Of course, I'm amazing at it!"

Ivy rolled her eyes and smiled at his arrogance, walking as fast as she could next to Remus.

"Oi, Snivellus? Washed your hair yet?" James said as Severus was shoved into the wall. Her brother, Justin, was standing next to him. Justin and her made eye contact. She mouthed a sorry. Justin pressed his lips in a firm line and turned around to where Severus was standing.

"I don't understand why you bully him so much," Ivy said to James. Sirius answered for him.

"It's because he exists!" Sirius said with a laugh as James and Peter joined in. Remus remained quiet.7

"He's done nothing to you," Ivy protested quietly as James shrugged. James turned to talk to Sirius. "It's kinda out of line, don't you think?"

"I agree." Remus replied with a small smile on his face. Ivy was glad someone thought the way they treated Severus was cruel. She turned into potions and sat down with Remus, waiting for Slughorn to start class.

"Hello class! Today we will brewing a strengthening solution. You have an hour. Bring it to me when you're done!" He said, clapping his hands.

"I'll get the supplies," Ivy said as Remus casted a sideways glance at her. He knew that it was easier if he got them, but decided to let her try. She couldn't reach half of the things they needed and was getting frustrated quickly.

"Do you need help?" James asked, who also happened to be getting supplies. He was getting them much faster because they were all at eye level.

"No," Ivy said fiercely as she began to climb the cabinet. Remus watched her with a smile on his face.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I can get it."

She had one foot placed on a bottom shelf as she put her hand at the top, fishing around for the salamander blood they needed.6

"Be careful, don't fall!" James exclaimed as he put a hand on her back. She swatted it away. Remus let out a laugh.

"Okay, dad," Ivy said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. James snickered. "I am an independent woman! I don't need anyone's help!"21

After a few minutes, she got all the supplies and climbed down carefully, placing it on the desk.

"I could have gotten that in half the time you did," Remus said as Ivy rolled her eyes.4

"That ruins the fun!"

Ivy began to add the in the powdered Griffin claw, stirring quickly. Remus watched her. She reminded him of Lily, which he knew wouldn't make her the happiest. They were both determined, smart, and very stubborn.6

"Remus, quick, hand me the next ingredient," Ivy said frantically as Remus handed her salamander blood. She opened the bottle quickly and poured it in, stirring clockwise slowly. It turned a strange turquoise color. Ivy grinned.

"Yes! This is right! This is perfect!" Ivy screamed as she shook Remus. He winced slightly. She noticed and felt guilty. "Sorry. I'm being inconsiderate, you're sick."

"I'm fine."

"You need to stop saying that so much," Ivy said as she got the turquoise liquid in a small flask for Slughorn. "It's okay to be sick and feel bad. You don't need to be perfect all the time, I promise I wont judge you."17

Remus turned pink as they got up from their desk. Ivy handed the flask to Slughorn. His eyes lit up.

"Splendid! Just splendid! Ten points to Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. You both are amazing potioneers." He said with a grin, smiling at the two.

"You do all the work Potions," Remus said to Ivy as they walked to lunch.

"No. You... you handed me salamander blood," Ivy said, nodding. He shook his head, smiling.

"I don't mind. It's better for the both of us, you're better than everyone in that class," Remus said as Ivy turned pink at his compliment.

"No. Lily is pretty good."

"You're fantastic." Remus said. She smiled and looked away.

Ivy walked to the Ravenclaw table, saying goodbye to Remus. She sat down next to Chloe, putting a few blueberries on her plate.2

Ever so often she glanced at Remus. He was resting his face in his hands, staring at the table in front of him. Ivy wished he would just stay in his dorm and stop being so stubborn. This was some weird sickness. It was reoccurring, it literally happened once a month.3

She ate her food and talked to the girls she was sitting with occasionally, laughing with them.

"Your hair has gotten so much longer!" Jessica exclaimed, picking up a strand of her dark hair.

"I know, it's kind of weird," Ivy replied with a laugh.

"I honestly think short hair suits you the most, which is something most girls can't pull off." Bella said, pointing at her own long, brown hair.2

"You haven't had long hair for a while. It's a nice change, but I agree with Bella," Chloe said as she looked down at her plate of food. "Short hair is stunning on you."

"Oh shut up, you're making me blush." Ivy said with a smile as the three girls laughed.

•••

"Werewolves!" Professor Keys exclaimed, "are misunderstood creatures. I don't want to hear any of your opinions, so keep them to yourselves. Can you give me a sign that identifies a werewolf?"38

Ivy's hand shot up.

"Yes, Ms. Scott?"

"Werewolves have shorter snouts than normal wolves," She spoke. Professor Keys nodded.1

"Very good, very good, three points to Ravenclaw. This will be on your O.W.L., so pay attention!"8

Ivy read a chapter on Werewolves with the rest of the class. She did think it was a bit discriminatory to call a werewolf a 'creature.' They were still human beings.1

Their homework for Defense Against the Dark Arts was to read the next chapter on werewolves and write an essay on them. It was due in a few days, which caused the whole class to complain.

After that class, Ivy was done with school for the day, except astronomy at midnight. She walked to dinner. Suddenly a figure began to fall in step beside her.

"Why do you hang out with them?" Justin asked.

"What?"

"Those boys. James and his friends. They're bullies."

"I agree, they can be a bit... rude," Ivy said, trying to defend them without making her brother angry, "but I think once you get to know them, they're really nice and funny. It's mostly just James and Sirius that are bullies, and have they ever bullied you?"

"Are you in love with them or something?" Justin said as Ivy scowled and looked away. "They haven't bullied me, but Severus is one of my best friends right now."

"He's gonna turn out to be a death eater anyways!" Ivy said in a quiet voice. "That's half the reason they bully him. I mean, you could too, for all I know. Severus hangs out with some bad people. Like Mulciber and Malfoy before they graduated."1

"Well, maybe he does. But he's nice to me. I'm a Slytherin, but... I hope I don't turn out like Mulciber." Justin said as they turned away from each other and sat at their respectful tables.

•••

Ivy yawned as she walked up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. She was one of the first ones there, other than a Hufflepuff girl. There were a few telescopes already set up for when the rest of the class arrived.

Ivy looked in it and at the moon. It was full and vibrant. She sighed and remembered the essay and chapter she still had to read on them. Ivy knew how to identify a werewolf, but not the side affects. She got out her D.A.D.A. book and skimmed through the chapter.

Side affects of being a werewolf include becoming ill around the full moon.

Ivy smiled to herself and though about Remus. She thought it would be funny if he was a werewolf and that's why he's always sick.62

But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Why James, Sirius, or Peter never caught his cold, the scars, his strange reoccurring sickness. She looked back in the telescope and at the moon. It was definitely full. She thought about Remus and how he acted. He was sick, and very sick at that.

Ivy finally understood. She took a step away from the telescope to take in what she just discovered.

Remus is a werewolf.

•••

[moonflowermama-blog]

#metoo If you want to skip my story straight to my point and opinion then go down to the *****'s

6th grade,  a boy after school snapped my bra and told me I barely had and boobs so I had no reason to be wearing a bra. He kept snapping it and telling me to stop trying and take it off

7th grade the male campus advisor told me I needed to switch out of the shorts I was wearing because they were part of the dress code. Then proceeded to tell me he needed to watch me change to make sure I would do as he said. I immediately walked away from him to my favorite teachers class and asked to use her phone so I could get picked up. That same advisor came up to me as I was leaving her class telling me that i was going to get written up if I didnt change while he watched 'to make sure' immediately. I kept walked straight to the office and waited there for someone to come get me. He didnt follow me in there and didnt bother me again.

8th grade I was sitting on a couch watching a movie with a couple of guy friends. One I had known previously, the other I met only a couple days before. The new guy put his hand on my thigh, too high for comfort. I pushed him off and he played it off like he didnt know he was doing it. He Then put his arm over my shoulder. I shrugged him off but he barely moved. Later I leaned forward because the movie was getting good, he then tried to undo my bra while my other friend was doing something somewhere else. I then said my mom called and i walked home by myself. It was about a 2 mile walk. The next week or so consisted of My old friend telling me to give the new guy a chance.

9th grade, I was out with a friend on a blind date. While my friend was away with her boyfriend, my "date" did the unthinkable. When i was dropped off at home. He thanked me.

I switched to homeschooling in hopes I would never have to see that girl or anything else that would remind me of that night and thought nothing else could bother me after that. I never told anyone until years later.

2nd half of 10th grade

I went over to a potential boyfriends house, I had met him online had been talking for a couple days and this was the first time we met. when I got there I found a couple of other friends I had went to school with. That kid would try to nibble on my ear, and hugged me from behind while grabbing my boobs. I didnt go over there again and we stopped talking.

10th grade I got my first job on beachside. There was an array of horrible words slung my way. Including one I remember in particular, this grown man tried to pay me off to marry his son, when I said No we then said to forget about his son he would be my sugar daddy, having me all to himself is what he'd rather do anyways. but no one touched me. Probably helped I was behind a counter all the time

11th grade I got off work early and took a walk to the board walk while waiting for my ride to get there. A grown man grabbed my butt so fiercely I was sure there would be a mark. I turned around and punched him So hard I broke his nose. I then ran off.

That wasnt the end and it probably still wont be.

**********************************************************

I have dodged alot of bullets. Swerved alot of attackers. But they still sometimes got to me. At the very least these incidents embedded themselves so deep in my brain I will never be able to forget it. Most of them I still remember their names.

This shouldn't be just about awareness that these things happen. We all know Damn well it is an on going constant problem. This should be about what Were going to do about it. This should be about helping people, (news flash men get raped/assulted too) feel safe to speak up on such attacks.

People , (mostly women) should not feel threatened 24/7. We are not objects, play things, lesser creatures, prey, nor are we EVER asking for it. We are human beings.

You are stronger than you think. Be brave. One day, things wont be this bad or constant. I'm not hoping for perfection. Simply hoping for improvement.  I hope this helps someone. Hopefully opens someone's mind.

What can we do about?

1st off get your head out of your god damned wonderland-ass where everything is sunshine and daisies and things like this never happen. Stop turning a blind eye and realize the gravity of the very real situation

2nd start with the young ones. Teaching them about self awareness, respect, CONSENT, consenting themselves and. Respecting consent from others.

3rd teaching everyone to speak up against these predators so they no longer get away with their disgusting crimes.

I am not doing this because I feel I have to. I'm not doing this because any of these men deserve any sort of attention or light.

I am doing this because too many women go to the grave, even go to the grave way to early, with the idea that someway some how it was their fault, that they did something wrong. They are the ones scared of getting in trouble. I am doing this because someone right now is struggling with what is the right thing to do. Speak up. Its not your fault. THEY deserve to be punished. And youre not alone.

#me #fucking #too