i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
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hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.
yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.
because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.
but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.
because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."
and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.
is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.
just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.
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Maybe you already know: how SatoSugu gain a whole new word for their relationship
- brought to you by JJK's production team (including Gege Akutami)
The tweet above is a QRT from one of the video producers for Gojo's 11-hour long tribute video, streamed on 3rd April till midnight to celebrate the release of JJK volume 26, "Heading South", on 4th April 2024. The video title is 孤高、廻想、融独 (Solitary, remagine, [fusion/melting]), revising Gojo's nice moments in his life with his friends and students.
The tweet says:
"We were involved in the planning stage. A "best friend" (「親友」/shinyuu) is a "toxic" (「有毒」/yuudoku [1]) and "melting" (「融独」/yuudoku [2]) existence. This is just our interpretation, but with everyone's thoughts, we have the final answer. We hope to able to encourage you to get Volume 26 even just a bit." (this is rough translation)
What is really the center of attention is this word 「融独」/yuudoku [2]. This is the 3rd word of the video title, but surprisingly, this word doesn't exist in the Japanese dictionary.
It is a completely new word created by the production team to describe part of Gojo's life. At the beginning, even Japanese fans had a hard time understanding what this word means. However, after Vigneravan's (the video producer) tweet, it is confirmed that 「融独」 is related to 「親友」/shinyuu/bestfriend. Gojo only has one and only one bestfriend, so this new term points to Geto.
The producer says "a bestfriend is a 'toxic' and 'melting' existence" when talking about Gojo's bestfriend, Geto. There is a wordplay here: both "toxic" 「有毒」[1] and "melting" 「融独」 spell the same way, "yuudoku". This fact is actually realized by fans in the way they assume how these characters are spelled when parts of them are used within other more common terms (especially when the referred term doesn't exist). 「融独」 is a combination of 融 (fusion/melting) and 独 (loneliness) - in literal sense, it means "melting the loneliness". In other words, the video producer's interpretation is "Geto, Gojo's best friend, is like toxin to him, but at the same time he melts away Gojo's loneliness".
Let's go back to Gojo's tribute video. This video starts with Gojo's birth, his youth, then his days as a teacher, and ends with him joining the battle with Sukuna, and finally going to the airport in the afterlife. Out of 11 hours, Geto appears in nearly 5 of them. The common vibe of the video is Gojo's happy moments with his friends, colleagues, and students. If you notice, there are NO scenes where he is fighting or in danger. The only distressing moments in the video are: when Geto becomes depressed, when Geto leaves Gojo, and when Gojo is left mulling in his own thoughts afterwards, sitting right where his bestfriend used to:
This means that the saddest and most depressing thing that ever happened to Gojo's life is when Geto left. And we all know how Gojo never forgets about him, and in fact, delays the time to execute Geto by order, only going down on him when Geto declares war 10 years later. This can be interpreted as part of the video producer's view, "toxic".
Yet, Gojo doesn't let Geto out of his mind. At the start of the video, after the images of him as a baby, Geto is the first person to appear in Gojo's life:
The above image gradually adds Yaga and Shoko afterwards. You can say that Gojo had no significant memories as a child, because he was born with powers and expectation, and thus, as a lonely kid. Meeting Geto, he has the first ever friend, an equal, someone who can understand him. So the memories when he first had Geto in his life, also indicating the start of his 3-year treasured bluespring, is when he finally turns from a lonely child to no longer lonely.
Yet when he loses Geto, he's become lonely again. Note that, Gojo has never been "alone", but he has been "lonely" (there has been many analysis for this, from Shoko's thoughts about him right before he gets released from Prison Realm, and in c236 when he confesses). Which turns out, Geto's existence is too big for him. Isn't it unhealthy to give so much leeway to an enemy, "the worst curse user of the jujutsu society", when he's supposed to execute Geto as soon as possible before he becomes a big threat? Yet, whatever Gojo has for Geto is too much and enough for him to give Geto freedom until he can't anymore; and after that, Gojo still wishes Geto had been there to pat him on the back before the fight with Sukuna, in order to fully feel satisfied. To wish for something impossible as an existence of the dead, who was supposed to be an enemy but wasn't.
It is "toxic", but Geto is exactly the only thing that can "melt his loneliness". That is why Gojo, who's been lonely all his life being the strongest, cannot let go of Geto in his mind. Geto has been the first one to make him change for the better, to stand by his side despite his status and origin, and even though he left, he's still Gojo's main source of inspiration to build his dream of changing the jujutsu system for the better, and to not let children fall for the same fate as his best friend once did, preserving their youth. Despite all the unfortunate events, Geto still stays as the special "toxin" to Gojo, the only one that can melt away his loneliness, the only person whose existence brings him satisfaction. (there's a whole topic on how the word "satisfaction" Gojo uses to describe his feelings when fighting Toji or Sukuna and the one used when describing Geto below are 2 similar terms with different connotations, but I'll leave that for another time)
For our own assumption, it is also likely that Gege Akutami is the one to come up with this word 「融独」. As the author who created Gojo and Geto as a contrasting pair, he is the one who understands their relationship the most. But mostly because he's one of the few people (involved in the series) who has deep understanding of Japanese language and often plays around with words. JJK very often includes highly complicated Japanese words and terms (even for Japanese readers), so for him to come up with a completely new word to pay tribute to Gojo is not out of possibilities.
And it leaves you in awe again how important Geto is to Gojo.
Watch the 11-hour tribute video:
P/s. by coincidence (or not), Tatsuya Kitani, the singer/songwriter for JJK Hi/pd arc's OP "Ao no Sumika", includes "Love Song" in the album Ao no Sumika. And this song is... well. A bit familiar.
Would the song somehow reminds you of how the video producer perceives Gojo & Geto's relationship? It's up to you.
Funfact: in "Love Song", there is an interesting term: 眩しい常闇 (mabushii tokoyami) - "eternal dazzling darkness". This term is also the title of JJK volume 0 chapter 4.
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I think something I love about Moonlight Chicken is that you get three different generations of LGBTQ characters sharing the same space and you can see, through the subtleties of their interactions and their outlooks, the events and perspectives that have shaped them and how much (and how little) the world has changed.
You have Jim, nearing 40 and clearly shaped by countless people (including his loved ones) not welcoming who he is and who he loves and who believed, to a certain extent, that it was "normal" for people to think that way, who accepts himself but still has difficulty with what it means to be gay in the wider world.
Then you have Wen, 10 years younger and proud and open and comfortable with who he is and his place in the world. He knows all the lingo, he seems like a little bit of an activist (if his taste in decor is to be believed) and he's used to having discussions around sexuality and social norms.
Finally, Li Ming, even younger still and so comfortable in himself that he doesn't particularly feel the need to explore or explain his sexuality and his attraction to Heart, he just embraces it as another part of what makes him him and leaves the nail biting and the questions to other people.
They literally show us the transition from "being LGBTQ is something I must live with" to "being LGBTQ is something I must fight for" to, finally "being LGBTQ is one of the many bits that is me" without ever saying it out loud.
It's genuinely such a beautiful piece of commentary and, in my eyes, it makes the show even more meaningful and beautiful.
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I think people sleep on this moment in the Odyssey...
If I'm wrong, not getting full context, or see something that isn't there, feel free to give evidence to explain why.
Here he crept under a pair of bushes, one an olive, the other a wild olive, which grew from the same stem with their branches so closely intertwined that when the winds blew moist not a breath could get inside, nor could the rain soak right through to the earth.
(Book 5, Rieu)
I think this is about Penelope and him.
Obviously, their marriage bed is made from an Olive tree. If it's just about Athena then why are there two mentioned? Why did Homer mention two when he could've just said he took refuge under one? Or a completely different type of tree? Why mention them being intertwined?
One an olive: Penelope, who has been with society and "safe" in Ithaca ("Safe" because of the suitors)
One wild: Odysseus, who has dealt with literal monsters and immortals and has just escaped from Calypso. Literally naked and filthy, a "wild man".
"which grew from the same stem with their branches": Them both being together at first, before being separated.
"so closely intertwined that when the winds blew moist not a breath could get inside, nor could the rain soak right through to the earth.": Despite being separated, they are still "intertwined". Whether you want to think of it as them being likeminded or simply connected, even though they are apart, nothing could get in between them. 🥺
I don't know what else Homer could be referring to other than them.
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