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enhaeven · 3 months

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— polaroid love | yang jungwon

pairing: jungwon x reader

genre: fluff, romance, high school!au

word count: 1.5k

summary: wherein a series of polaroid pictures may be helping you realize your feelings towards jungwon

warnings: none really, just two mild swear words XD

a/n: i pulled memories from years ago for this but yeah it's been a while lol happy 20th to my baby wonie 🥺, wishing you the best for this milestone of your life 💕

— masterlist & wips — faq & navigation

"take pictures of me"

a high pitched voice alerts you at once, and it's unfortunately too cute for you to ignore each time he asks you that same phrase when you have a polaroid camera in your hands.

at any chance he gets.

you don’t mind it now, already getting used to the times when Jungwon would just come up to you for basically anything. in the past, you used to question why he acts like this towards you when he doesn’t to others. you’ve grown fond of him, his habits rather but that doesn’t mean that you don’t whisk him away each time he’s near you, be it during lunch or after school clubs.

he’s not hard to love really, with the way he cares for someone and how thoughtful he is in everything that he does, it’s no wonder that anyone would immediately fall in love with him easily.

not you, or yet you think. you’re not really sure at this point though your heart does this weird thing whenever he says your name these days. what’s strange is that you’ve known this as a sign since you’ve fallen in love before but you couldn’t figure out why you’ve been resisting it.

it’s definitely a you problem, not his but you don’t know what to do.

lunch is the only time where you can do this. developing the pictures from your polaroid which mostly consist of Jungwon posing cutely in each of them. honestly, you’ve been questioning why cause really could’ve deleted them but here you are instead, just because he’s been asking about it.

he was adamant about needing to have his own copies since he loves posting on socials.

and you, for whatever reason eventually complied, even choosing to do it now and here at school of all times.

looking at them one by one right now, you reminisce the times Jungwon made your heart race as you pick each one of the polaroid pictures. your heart races even more which freaks you out again even though you’re alone in this empty classroom so no one’s here to see you like this.

you’re dumb. really dumb for doing your best to not fall in love with him because it’s pointless. no one could blame you really with the amount of immature guys your age but Yang Jungwon’s different.

it’s funny how you’ve only realized it now, though you can’t exactly pinpoint when it started since you may have been feeling something for him without realizing it. this is not even complicated unlike your previous ones and you’re surprisingly loving the vibe of it, the feeling of falling in love.

you must’ve been staring at them intently that you didn’t realize someone was entering the room and sneaking up on you.

“do you finally love me?” the very familiar voice asks behind you and you let out a surprise shriek, getting up from the chair to give some distance from him.

“what the hell!” you’re not really annoyed but more so mortified that he, out of all people caught you at this kind of vulnerable moment.

“answer the question y/n~” he starts as he leans a bit, tilting his head with a playful smile which you find very adorable.

and now you’re having a hard time suppressing the urge to smile back, hoping your face is not obvious but you already couldn’t look Jungwon in the eye.

"uh, what makes you say that?" you ask, trying to subdue your nerves by talking as calmly as you can as you return your gaze to him, to those very beautiful eyes of his.

eyes that caught yours in the first place.

"you have that look in your eyes..." he tells you with a teasing lilt in his voice, eyes shifting to his polaroid pictures laying on the desk.

what look dammit. is he really gonna make you confess right now—

"it's okay to admit it y/n…” he adds before looking back at you, eyes searching for something, probably a confirmation so you shoot him a glare in return. it’s a facade really to hide your embarrassment but it washed away quickly when you heard him say "i love you back anyways" quietly.

you were so stunned at his sudden declaration that you didn’t even realize he ran away before you could confront him about it.

so silly, you chuckle at his antics.

you’re debating if you should follow him or not but before you can decide, the bell rang so you had to hurry out to not miss the next period.

after your last class of the day, you immediately ditch your friends to look for Jungwon. they didn’t mind, not even asking you why though they probably have an inkling already after seeing you being restless at class earlier.

you have to catch Jungwon before he goes home, cause you might not be able to do this after today. fortunately, to your relief he’s still here, sitting by the benches outside with two of his close friends.

approaching their table, you dropped his polaroid pictures without a word which surprised everyone at the table, but not much for Jungwon.

he never thought you’d approach him first because it’s always been the other way around but he should’ve seen it coming when he ran away from you earlier. he wonders why you’re here other than the pictures, it couldn’t be just that, right?

“oh let’s look at these” his younger friend Riki suddenly picks one of the photos, looking at them with an amused smile.

for the first time, Jungwon feels shy because those pictures are specifically for you. he posed cutely in them for the sole purpose of wooing you but Riki’s like a younger brother to him since he only has an older sister so he doesn’t really mind. he met the latter from the dance club, easily befriending him when they both got closer due to being chosen to represent their school in the local dance competition against other schools.

“you look cute in them wonie!” his other friend, Sunoo adds, examining the rest of the pictures with adoration. he’s from a year above you both while Riki’s from a year below. but because Jungwon’s done summer school for some courses that made him pretty much more advanced than his peers, he’s sharing a few classes with Sunoo this school year.

“jungwon, can i talk to you for a minute?”

it’s already embarrassing to approach them this way when he’s clearly in some serious talks with his friends but you had no choice. it’s now or never.

“sure!” he turns to his friends excitedly, about to say goodbye but Sunoo smiles brightly at you both, returning the pictures on the table before grabbing the complaining Riki with him as they both leave to let you guys talk.

you smile gratefully in return, waving at them as they leave. you wouldn’t want those two to witness whatever more embarrassing things you might say to their friend. those two are already known in your school with Sunoo having quite a lot of friends and Riki’s status due to his dance achievements but you’ve never really talked to them before.

facing Jungwon now, you watch the challenging look in his eyes. but you didn’t miss the knowing smile, hoping it’s not because he already knew what all this is going to be.

“can you be my valentine?” you say as fast as you can to fight your increasing heartbeat. the nerves did go away when his smile turned into shock.

your question did surprise Jungwon a lot. he thought that you were here to talk about his quick confession earlier but he didn’t think that you’d ask him this.

he was actually planning a grandiose proposal to ask you even knowing that you could reject him.

but somehow Jungwon’s assured that you won’t. he’s indeed been annoying and clinging to you since the beginning of last year to get your attention but you’ve been softening to him lately so he’s confident and he was right.

“can you be mine too?”

“i asked first”

“well, i was going to ask you” he countered. “that’s why i was talking to Sunoo-hyung and Riki” he added.

“oh” you pause, nodding in understanding as a genuine smile appears on your face but your eyes hold that mischievous glint that Jungwon immediately recognized.

“but now you ruined it” he continues, now sulking a bit with his lips jutting out which made you laugh a little.

"how could i ruin it when it's for me?" you deadpan, your tone and smile teasing him further, causing his face to slowly become red.

"you asked me first and i said yes first so mine's more valid than yours," he says indignantly, huffing as he looks away from you which you find cute.

“okay wonie, let’s see how grand this surprise of yours is” you relent, stepping closer to him before planting a quick peck on his cheeks, making Jungwon’s eyes widen.

the boy’s totally flustered, which erupts another hearty giggle from you. he never thought you’d call him that let alone kiss him so he’s having a mix of delight and content of you reciprocating his feelings.

“i love you won” you add softly, looking sincerely into his eyes before walking away, leaving him still speechless at where he’s standing.

maybe it’s too early to tell him that but with how long you’ve been repressing this feeling, you’re pretty sure this time that it's certainly more than just a crush.

e/n: idk how i wrote this really cuz this is so out of my comfort zone since it's the first time that i've written an only fluff fic so i hope it's okay 😅. btw i based OC's inner turmoil on pola XD

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spacebarbarianweird · 4 months

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Ok ok I see you with half orc hc’s and I raise you …

Changeling Tav and Astarion HCs? 👀

I think it would be very neat :D

Maybe they’re a lil mischievous, as fae tend to be. Just a thought

Oh! This is a very cool and potentially creepy idea.

For changelings, their, their appearance is nothing more than a dress they can easily change if the don't like it anymore. Perfect spies and actors, changelings can shapeshift into different races and genders. While changelings can look like anyone, they do have a true form. A changeling in their natural form looks rather like a doppelganger, with a lesser resemblance to a regular humanoid; in comparison to a human, they appear faded and lacking detail or as if unfinished or vaguely depicted yet still striking. Wiki

youtube

More info about Changelings in the Changeling FAQ. Including facts about reproduction.

Astarion x Changeling!Tav

Masterlist

Headcanons

You are a professional actor.

Sometimes you are a woman, sometimes you are a man.

You can only change your height and weight slightly, preferring to transform into someone between 5.4 and 5.7 feet tall.

Of course, your "body" is just for show. You can change into a winged person, but your wings are as useless as a fake dagger.

Changelings are distrusted, so you prefer to stick to a role, even off-stage.

These days, you are a young female human with short black hair and blue eyes.

The Tadpole is somehow okay with your nature and doesn't try to change or limit your shapeshifting abilities.

But you are reluctant to tell them the truth.

Especially Astarion.

You can't even bring yourself to tell him the truth when he confesses to you.

You forgive him, of course, but you can't bring yourself to show him your "natural" self.

It's not like you have any attachment to your Changeling body.

Your face is just a mask, and your body is just a dress. Your gender is your current mood.

But now it's gone too far. And you are ashamed.

What will he say when he learns, that you are neither human nor female?

You despise yourself, but don't dare to do anything.

You help him defeat Cazador, and before the vampire lord dies, he says: "Do you think the doppelganger can be your friend?

The vampire has probably picked up your scent.

Astarion is either too shocked to realize what his master has said.

You have a date at the cemetery, and you really think you will never get tired of your "female human" form.

You will just be able like that for your entire life.

But -

There is a bloody and difficult battle.

You are badly wounded.

And your skin betrays you.

It melts, revealing your true self to your companions.

No sex, no face, no race.

Just pale skin and a disfigured face.

A Changeling.

Your companions' first thought is that the real you has been kidnapped by Orin, and you are just a replacement.

Soon, they realize you have been unfair to them.

You have a lot to explain, but you can't explain why you hid it for so long.

You want to talk to Astarion, still in your "true" form.

He finally returns, hours later.

"I trusted you," he simply says, collecting his things. "I loved you."

He leaves to never return.

Tag List

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary

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kwyw · 7 months

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I saw this tweet earlier today saying Karlie is now being shown under the cast of Miss Americana with (voice) beside her name. Note: shes the only one that says (voice). And considering that Karlie’s voice in CIWYW is THE Kaylor lore for the documentary… 👀

So, I checked myself and sure enough, she is!

I also checked the FAQ’s to see if just anyone (aka fans) can change or add someone and that doesn’t seem to be the case, especially with how widely used IMDb is in the industry.

(For some personal context, I’m a massive Kate McKinnon fan, so I saw the Ghostbusters 2016 release and the reactions from the dude bros in real time. Not one person changed anything there. But they did brigade the scoring with 1 star reviews before the movie even came out.)

Now, here’s something even more interesting. I copied the full cast IMDb link into the Wayback Machine website and the last capture was June 16th of this year. Karlie is not listed there.

Which means this was added some time between then and now… and guess what happened in the middle of that? Oh, yeah. Karlie showing up to the eras tour. 🤭

Here’s some videos that show why we 100% believe it’s Karlie’s voice:

#I mean…#👀#kaylor #gaylor swift #karlie what you want #ciwyw #miss americana #documentary

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vilz · 3 months

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hello obviously there isn't anything i can really do to control this (unfortunately i deleted a bunch of posts BEFORE turning off reblogs on them) but i would prefer that people did not circulate my posts from this blog any more... i appreciate that people are kind to me about my art, but that is just my request i suppose. this blog is unprivated now, and if you'd like to see what is still up you can look at them here. my ask box is also open but i will not be making any art posts here from now on. here is a little preemptive faq:

why did you leave?

i didn't feel comfortable or happy posting on this blog any more!

do you still make art? do you post it somewhere else?

yes. but i've been pulling away from posting very much online, and the things i'm interested in drawing nowadays are generally more private, so i won't be directing anyone there or anything. i don't consider my new blog to be a continuation of this one.

i know your new blog!

that isn't really that surprising since i didn't honestly put great effort into concealing it or anything. we are probably not friends, so i hold no sway over you, but i would still prefer you did not share it or treat me as if i am still "vilz who posts fnaf art". i'm just a whatever blogger who blogs about whatever things. also to be frank i do not think my new blog has anything that interesting for people who followed for the kind of art i used to post here. this is not an invitation to say "it is interesting!".

we are friends!

if we have not been in direct, mutual conversations i highly doubt that. i'm sorry if that hurts anyone's feelings.

why did you delete all your self ship art?

people seem to enjoy my self ship art a lot, which is very flattering, but i don't want people to be looking at them any more. i realize that they are still rebloggable and are still circulating around, which is nobody's fault but my own, but i would prefer they were not shared any more. i can't really do anything about it and i also don't blame anyone for reblogging those posts since it's obviously not something they would know, but yeah.

i saw your art on pinterest!

i did not and do not consent to my works being put on pinterest. the art from "vilz" has not been uploaded by me to any other website besides tumblr. if someone is posting my art from here on a different platform, they are doing so without permission.

i saw you on magma!

i still join magma boards sometimes lol. it's a fun site.

what about your ocs?

they are still my ocs. sometimes i still draw them. currently, i do not have any plans of posting my oc art online ever again. i would prefer that people did not reblog the oc art i have posted to this blog.

what about your fics?

all of my fics are still up on ao3 anonymously. they are: small mercies obscura floriography baying of lambs scrape bitch, bastard, bullshit almost human a dream, recurring countdown i'm very flattered and happy that people have left kind comments on these. thank you very much for reading the words of an amateur and for sharing an experience with me.

are you going to finish your uncompleted fics?

i would really like to say yes, because i care a great deal about aspects of them, but it's looking pretty unlikely. i lost all my files (and my calmlywriter key !!! always save your emails and receipts, everyone!!!) and also it's hard to feel motivated about them now. i guess i will leave this up in the air just to soothe my own feelings but in reality the answer is Probably Not.

are you going to post new fics?

i might, because i've been in a writing mood lately, but please don't expect anything. if i do, they will be anonymous on ao3. i will not post about them here or on any other blog.

i really liked your posts and blog!

thank you. i'm glad that people could feel that way about the things i made and thought about stuff i care about. irregardless, i would prefer that people did not share my old posts from this blog.

i will do it anyway.

i cannot stop you, so there isn't really any point in pleading. i just thought i'd make a little info post for people who are inquiring. after this, there won't be any "posts" from me. if there are relevant questions or messages i might reply to them or just update this post.

thank you for reading and for enjoying my blog. goodbye !!!

#this has been a missive from ur friend valentine #sincere regards #vilz

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archiveikemen · 7 months

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'I Want To Know Every Inch Of You' Collection Event

Ellis Twilight

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. I do not own any of the original content. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

❥･• Warnings and FAQ

♡ thank you @/candied-boys for sharing the story ♡

I was asked by Victor to take the body measurements of the members of Crown for health management purposes and examination—.

The first person I went to was Ellis because he was the easiest to request the favour from, and I was right.

He was very cooperative, and so I was able to quickly take his body measurements.

Kate: Thank you for cooperating, Ellis. I’m done measuring your upper body.

Ellis: That’s great. By the way, Kate, there’s something that's been bothering me…

Ellis: Can you lend me your hand for a little while?

Kate: …? Sure, here you go.

As I wondered what Ellis was going to do, his hand overlapped with mine—

Ellis guided my hand to his chest that was exposed for me to measure… and placed it against his bare skin.

Ellis: … You’re welcome to touch my body if you’re interested in it.

Kate: Huh!? W-Why…

Ellis: Because I noticed that you kept staring at my chest while measuring it… or was I mistaken?

Kate: You’re… not.

Ellis appeared to have a slender build with his clothes on, but when he removed them, his body was surprisingly manly—

While earnestly taking his measurements, I couldn't help admiring his thick chest and defined abdominal muscles.

(I was pretending to be calm, but he caught me… This is embarrassing…)

Ellis: Go ahead, you can touch me as much as you like.

Kate: E-Even if you say to go ahead…

Kate: Wow, amazing…!

(But I still think that letting someone touch your skin is something to be more reluctant about…)

(Is Ellis used to being touched…?)

It was a brief moment of enjoyment. My heart started fluttering at how defenceless Ellis was as he let me touch him unhesitatingly.

Ellis: What’s the matter?

Kate: Do you… let anyone do this as long as they ask to?

I regretted those words the moment they left my mouth.

I knew that Ellis was kind towards everyone, and yet my words sounded like I was reproaching him.

Ellis: …

Ellis: … It’s okay. I’ve never done anything that will worry you.

His response was vague, it seemed like he was answering my question but at the same time not really.

I noticed that he paused before responding.

(What sort of things would “worry me”? I was only kind of wondering if he had let people touch him…)

These little things Ellis said and did left an uneasy feeling in my heart, like sediments that had yet to settle down.

(I don’t have a reason to be feeling this way, so why am I…)

Ellis: If you’re still bothered by it… do you want to touch somewhere else?

Ellis: … This place is somewhere I really have never let anyone see or touch.

Ellis: It’s special for you, Kate.

Kate: Wha…

Ellis pulled my hand again.

The hand that had been touching his chest moved down his abdomen and stopped at… his waist.

Kate: Ellis…?

Ellis: Here, no one has ever touched me here and below.

Kate: U-Uhm… normally, this isn’t somewhere you should let just anyone touch, you know?

Ellis: What do you want to do, Kate?

Ellis: I want you to do what you want, instead of what’s considered normal or commonly done.

Ellis: I’m always thinking about how to make you happy.

Even though that was how Ellis felt about everyone, I was the only person in his eyes right now.

Kate: I…

(... If there’s anywhere on Ellis’ body that only I’m allowed to touch, then I want to touch it.)

The word “special” sounded so sweet to hear, it made me forget all about my previous response.

Ellis: … Do as you like.

At last, I gave him a small nod.

Ellis: We can take it slow. Let’s start with… the first joint of your fingers.

Was Ellis pulling my hand or was I doing it on my own? I didn't know that anymore.

It felt like a dream, like I was outside of reality, my fingers went under his bottoms.

Ellis: The second joint…

My fingers advancing into his bottoms felt his rough skin. It was hot and moist.

Ellis: Mm. … Fufu, got to the base of your fingers already?

Ellis smiled like a mischievous child who had played a succession prank.

Despite his innocence, it felt like I was doing something wrong… it scared me.

Kate: Um, I…

I came back to my senses and withdrew my fingers, lightly grazing against Ellis’ deepest part. (ahem)

Ellis: Nngh…

(...!)

Ellis: Sorry… I made a weird noise because it tickles.

Kate: I-It’s fine…

The small noise Ellis made was stuck in my ears.

(I’m the only one who can touch him here…)

(Was that cute noise he made just now only for me?)

I couldn't get it out of my mind, I wanted to touch him and hear it again.

(But if I go any further…)

Ellis: … If it’s good with you, touch me more.

Ellis took my hesitant hand and let me touch it again through his bottoms.

The part I touched was hot and needy, I gasped.

Ellis: Because it became like this… I want you to help me.

Kate: B-But… I’m in the middle of… taking your body measurements…

I remembered what the initial purpose of me being there was, and spoke in a voice that trailed off.

Ellis: Then… can you check here with your hands too? It won’t be a problem if it's for measuring, right?

Kate: … G-Got it.

(This is just an additional part of body measurements, just in case…)

Like a butterfly drawn to sweet flower nectar, I slid my hands under his bottoms again.

Ellis: … Haah…

I watched him while stroking it slowly, Ellis let out a hot frustrated sigh.

Ellis: K-Kate…

(... I’m strange. I can’t stop watching him.)

He looked so lovely and adorable losing his composure because of my hand, I wanted to see even more of it.

Driven by an urge to keep going, I varied the amount of strength exerted by my fingers to pleasure him.

Ellis: … ggh

Kate: Here…?

Ellis: Nn… so good…

Ellis bucked his hips slowly, rubbing himself against my hand.

It made me happy knowing that I wasn't the only one who wanted it.

(... I want to give him even more pleasure with my hands.)

It started out with only my fingers, so I went on to wrap my entire palm around his shaft and continued pleasuring him.

Ellis: …!

Kate: S-Sorry. Am I using too much force…?

Ellis: No… it's okay, it just feels so good.

Ellis: You can touch it however you like. … My “here” is exclusively for you, Kate.

(Exclusive for me…)

The fog I felt in my heart at the thought of Ellis letting someone else touch him cleared up.

(That’s right… I want to monopolise Ellis. I want him all to myself, and only myself.)

(I don't want to let anyone else see and touch him…)

I finally knew exactly what I was feeling, and so there was only one thing left for me to do.

As long as time permitted, I continued touching Ellis where only I was allowed to, and watched as he took shallow breaths.

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #otome #cybird otome #ikevil collection event #ellis twilight

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crimeronan · 6 months

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kitkat's dirt-cheap writing and editing services!

hello all! i'm kitkat, i'm a professional writer and editor who's been professionally writing and editing for well over ten years. as far as tumblr audiences go, though, i'm better known for my work over at ao3 elliptical.

the vast majority of my prior clients have dropped me for AI, and i need to build my freelancing base up again. so i've created a fiverr profile.

however, in order to get work on fiverr, you need good reviews. and before you have good reviews, you need to offer your services cheaply enough for people to take a chance on you.

so! i have some dirt-cheap offerings at the moment (11/14/23):

writing 500 words for $5

writing 1,100 words for $10

writing 1,700 words for $15

editing 1,000 words for $5, $10, or $15 (depending on how in-depth you go)

transcribing audio/video (price starts at $5 and depends on length)

my MAIN ask if you take advantage of the offer is to give me a five-star rating and nice review. if just a couple people here buy my stuff, i can show fiverr that i actually am good at my job. and then they'll show my profile to more people, and i can work up to a living wage!

quick faqs:

can i buy fanfic from you?

i cannot legally write fanfic for money. however, if there's a certain AU, relationship, character, prompt, etc., that you want to see, you can tell me (there should be a free-write space to explain what you're looking for when you order). then i can write you something that's "like" that, just with original names.

can i pay for you to edit/beta my fanfic or original fiction?

ABSOLUTELY, yes. just keep in mind that only the $15 tier currently includes in-depth comments and constructive feedback. with the $5 and $10 tiers, i'll happily proofread and check your grammar, but i won't have a ton of actionable feedback to give!

what's the copyright situation on this stuff?

you have the full rights to anything you buy from me on fiverr, forever. more in-depth explanation here!

i can't buy anything right now but want to support you. how can i do that?

it is 100% okay if you don't have money to spend (or simply don't wanna buy my writing)! one helpful thing you can do is favorite my profile, if you have a fiverr account. you can also make a fiverr account pretty fast if you have a gmail, but it is completely reasonable not to want to do that.

you can also reblog this post if you want! i think most of my potential audience for this already follows me..... but if anyone wants to sing my praises in reblogs, i definitely won't say no, LOL

#work tag #all of the listings are phrased in a very business-y way bc that's usually the type of client looking for content writers #but you can absolutely ask for writing/editing of creative work.#long post #anyway. i know i'm posting this at ass o'clock so i'll probably rb it a few times tomorrow

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midnightsun-if · 6 months

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I’ve gotten a couple more asks in my inbox since the previous one last night that caused everything— I hesitate to call any of this discourse because I don’t want to sound dramatic— but I’d like to make this all-in-one post, that’ll be going in the FAQ, to settle this. Hopefully, I won’t get too harsh, and I apologize in advance if I do, or if I sound angry/annoyed, I’m just trying to stand firm, as I’ve previously mentioned, when it comes to this topic.

I’ll put the entirety of this underneath the cut— as I don’t wish to subject people who don’t wish to read it to the long post.

(I’ve shared screenshots beneath the cut… So, warning to anyone who may not like to see those when regarding this topic.)

I’d like to begin this by stating that I’m only annoyed, or somewhat vexed rather, with the ones that actually sent me these asks— I’m well aware a good majority of them are trolls, at least I hope, but I still felt like this would be a good time to simply collect them, make a one-and-done post, and then (hopefully) move on from this subject. As I’m, and I’m sure all of you, are tired of this topic— especially since it seems like a fairly cut and dry one to understand in the grand scheme of things.

Now I’d also like to say if you’d like to send me questions about expanding on Scarlett and/or Koda’s sexuality— what it means to them, why I decided to go that route, etc— you absolutely can! I’m more than happy answering them (though I may not be able to answer everything given spoilers). I’m not barring anyone from sending me anything, not that I truly could as free will doesn’t work like that, but I do hope this makes at least a couple people get the answers they need before sending in something. (And even if you do and need something explained a bit more? That’s completely fine!)

Onto the more gritty stuff…

Scarlett, and I’m mainly going to be mentioning her as this has been directed solely at her, but it also applies to Koda as well, is not a character simply for you all to romance, to have sex with, to be arm candy, etc. I’m well aware that’s not how the majority of people view her, but I thought I’d specify that regardless. She’s a character because of her own impact within the world, because of her own nuances, because of who she is… She works just as well as an RO as she does anything else. Am I excited about exploring her romance route? Absolutely. But, I’m even more excited about exploring Scarlett herself— backstory, personality, motivations, etc.

At the end of the day?

She’s Scarlett first before she’s the MCs anything.

Below are a couple of asks that I’ve received on this topic (older):

I saved these when I first got them because I was truly baffled by them and wanted to show my friend to see if I should do anything about it (just decided to delete them)…

Again, I’m aware these are more than likely nothing more than trolls, but I’ve gotten at least a dozen of asks ranging around this topic, that I’ve deleted because I didn’t think it’d become this much of an issue that I’d have to address in this manner, and I’d like to say to anyone that may think you can do this: No, you can’t.

Scarlett is a lesbian. I get that may disappoint some people, but there are seven other characters to choose from when it comes to romance. As I’ve mentioned before— Scarlett wouldn’t be Scarlett anymore if I decided to just make her romanceable for everyone. At that point there would’ve been no point to change her from the original character I had designed to fill her “slot” in the RO Cast.

Again, this isn’t everyone and I bet this isn’t even the vast majority of the individuals that are actually disappointed by Scarlett not being for everyone.

As for making Koda for F!MCs instead? Why would I do that? Barring the fact that he’s gay? Why do your potential problems with not being able to romance Scarlett suddenly outweigh the problems that F!MCs would go through by suddenly having that option torn away? It’s gross to even suggest doing something like that.

Below is one of the most recent asks that I’ve screenshotted to showcase what I mean in general:

I’m aware that I’d probably get some more readers if Scarlett would be accessible to everyone, but I truly don’t get this notion that Scarlett is somehow the supreme RO above all the others. I adore her, adore her route and character, but the others offer things too! They have their own special nuances that Scarlett doesn’t (just like it’s the same for her too). Not even going to comment on the interesting RO comment, as I feel like that’s intentional baiting (more so than the rest of this message).

I also wouldn’t want to cheapen my own characters, as well as the experiences you all can get with them, for more attention— I’m happy with the readers that I have right now. If I get more? Great! If I don’t? That’s also completely fine too. Because, at the end of the day, I know that I’m making the story and characters that I know I’ll enjoy making and that you all would enjoy reading.

Why not just let them?

Probably because Scarlett’s sexuality actually means something? More than simply keeping her from all of you? Like a lot of individuals seem to assume (a lot referring to the ones that sent these types of asks in)… Again, Scarlett isn’t a character just for you to get your rocks off. If you can’t respect that, how the hell would you ever actually respect her? And if you can’t even garner that basic amount, why would I ever let you romance her? (Not that I’d ever change my mind. Scarlett is staying exactly as she’s meant to be.)

I apologize if I’ve turned off readers from Midnight Sun because of this post, but I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest as this all started building up. I truly do appreciate all of you— and I can sympathize with the people that get a bit disappointed at finding out Scarlett isn’t for them: I.E. me with Miranda Lawson— but that doesn’t mean I’m going to change an integral part of who Scarlett is, pretty much taking out a chunk of what makes her Scarlett to begin with…

I’m sorry if I come off as overly harsh in this, but I hope I’ve been able to make my points firm and clear. Scarlett, and Koda, are staying as they’re designed right now— nothing, and no one, is going to change that.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

#midnight sun #ro: scarlett voltaire #ro: koda kingston

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cadavercrafts · 1 month

Note

coughs (you have tuberculosis now)

HELLO THERE!!! I'm terrible at sculpting, of course, but I love to sculpt, and I wanted to ask - what kind of clay do you use? I see posts tagged with sculpey, but what kind, exactly? And if I may also ask, what kind of paint, finish, etc.? (Materials overall, honestly ^^; I've worked with a few different types of clay before and they're all rather crumbly and sad when it comes to the thinner bits. Are you just very careful, or is it in the material?)

I am genuinely adoring this work from you, you're such a good sculptor!!! I'm sure you hear that very often but I've genuinely never seen anything like what you're making here.

First of all thank you so much for this sweet ask and jokes on you i already had a horrible cough for weeks last month so i'm afraid of nothing anymore!

If you love to sculpt then you are good at sculpting PERIOD because it really all comes down to repetition and practice and if you enjoy what you're doing you're gonna get better fast so don't give up! First of all i wanna link my list of book recommendations because that's what i do.

For clay, what i use and what i can really recommend to anyone is "Super Sculpey". It's not too expensive and it's incredibly forgiving because it's not air dry clay (which requires you to work fast) but polymer clay (needs to be baked in a normal oven to harden). You can sculpt something, let it stand around a few days, sculpt some more and nothing dries out. You can add more onto the sculpture after baking it later on if you want, too. You will need to build an armature for it for the thin parts and i just use wire and tinfoil, super basic stuff, no rocket science and nothing expensive or special. And sure you can get some fancy sculpting tools and rubbing alcohol and liquid sculpey and what not but really the basic stuff you need is just sculpey and wire and you're good to go. And then you can see if you like doing this stuff and slowly expand. Same for the paint, i use citadel and revell acrylics for my figures now but i used to paint them with cheapo no name brand acrylics for YEARS and it works too. Maybe it's just me because i don't have a lot of money but often it's not that great of an idea to start buying the thousand euro amazing expert kit but to actually start simple and kinda "grow into" the material if that makes sense. You see some absolute mega pro professional sculptors and they use like... a toothpick. And i'm like WHAT but they just mastered the material they work in and then the tools almost don't matter. I'm sure i forgot half of what i wanted to say so here's my FAQ for just a basic material list.

"I'm sure you hear that very often but I've genuinely never seen anything like what you're making here."

Actually, i never hear that ever and you are super super sweet, thank you so much. The things i hear are usually "People PAY you for this??" or "Ah, you're still making your little figure things?" or "Oh my kids play with clay too!" so yea making figures is GREAT lmao. But my motto is never let negative people stop you from making mediocre things!

#ask #thilsiktonix

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lambment · 2 months

Text

FAQ & Important Info

About me:

bday: march 30th

lgbt?: im bi

What can we call you?

Lambment is fine, its supposed to be a play on of Lament or Lambent you can also call me Pepaw!

What pronouns do you use?

I'd prefer They/Them, but you can use She/Her.

Whats your Main blog?

Im still deciding whether I want to have my two blogs associated, Im enjoying the anonyminity. That being said, I may say whatever and link em', but you'll just have to wait until then.

Mutuals are free to ask though, theres a level of understanding that I trust you when I started following you.

Art Related:

What art program(s) do you use?

Procreate and Clip studio Paint. Brushes: Shiyoon Kims Wet Brush pack (X) and several Max Packs (X) for procreate in CSP I use the defaults + these two lineart brushes (X) (X)

How long have you been drawing?

I've always drawn, but I started getting really serious at 14, around the same time I first made my main blog. I was self taught up until I got into animation school.

What do you do as a career?

I'm currently doing Freelance work for companies and individuals. I was previously an animator, I'm moving over to storyboarding now.

Do you have a store for your art?

yes, probably wont be posting it here until/if I decide to link my main blog, But I'm willing to make prints or zines in the future!

Do you take requests/commissions?

I do have commissions. all the slots are currently filled, but you can message me and request an inquiry for wait times/prices. for the time being small requests are open, they may close soon, and there’s no real guarantee I’d do anything with them.

Asks and Messaging:

Rules for asks/tagging?

Anyone can send me a message, Mutuals, Anons or not!

Dont send discourse or anything explicitly NSFW. you'll be blocked lol. suggestive I dont mind, also artistic nudity is oki doki, but if theres two people tangoing I dont want to see it. if you send me triggering content I’ll mind blast you into dust. (block).

Do not send and DNI's?

Transphobia, Homophobia, Acephobia. All the obvious bigot contenders.

SA, pdfilia and incest are absolute no goes.

***very important to note to be aware of when you’re making sexual comments on someones posts, are you actually being ‘funny haha’ or are u just being explicit.

are you okay with me direct messaging you?

only if we have spoken before/ you're giving me a headsup about something/ I've prompted you to send me one. Mutuals are free to DM though. willy nilly even.

***minors: please refrain from dming me to chit chat, im not down to and it will probably end with me lecturing you about internet safety.***

Why don’t you answer my asks/dms?

my main blog has +1000 unanswered asks... I’m tiored. (I also hoard the nice ones sometimes like its a pile of treasure, dont ask me why) as for DM's, unprompted messages from strangers will not always get answered sorry. I also sometimes just dont see it because im an old man w ADHD thats logged off the internet.

Misc

why are you posting political stuff on your art/fandom blog?

because I can and caring should have no such boundaries.

Can you reblog my donation posts?

no. too many scams.

#faq page #alot of these are just FAQ's from my main blog #u can ignore this

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bluebudgie · 8 months

Text

Behold! The long announced whiny pissbaby gamer rage essay that noone on the internet asked for.

Disclaimer up front: This is about Eff Eff Sixteen. If you're a fan of this game I advise you to just ignore this because I genuinely don't want to piss into your morning coffee with my negativity. I will rip this game several new assholes. You have been warned.

FAQ Q: Don't you have anything better to spend your time on than writing a ridiculously lengthy internet text post about a video game whose existence you are free to simply ignore? A: Yes, but this matter is personal. I'm writing this for the sake of carthasis. Closure. To be free of the rage that has possessed me for the past months. Q: Have you tried touching grass? A: I have sat in a field of grass for a prolonged amount of time prior to writing this. I am beyond the need of touching grass. Q: Do you expect anyone to actually read all this? A: No.

Spoilers ahead, obviously. Let's go.

------

Table of Contents

Introduction: Is this the worst game ever made? 1.1 It's personal 1.2 Pre-release & producer statements

The battle system

The narrative 3.1 Storytelling and morality 3.2 Pacing 3.3 Visuals 3.4 Characters 3.4.1 The game's biggest mistake 3.4.2 The state of women 3.5 Music

Credit where credit is due 4.1 It's personal again

Conclusion

------

1. Introduction: Is this the worst game ever made? What a strange way to start, you may think. Shouldn't this question rather be addressed in a conclusion at the end? I want to set the record straight from the start: No, it is not the worst game ever made. All things considered I don't even think it's the worst game of its series. And yet I have never in my life felt such unbridled hatred for a video game, or honestly, any piece of entertainment media I can currently think of. Why is that?

1.1 It's personal Usually I'm pretty good at doing the sensible thing people should do when they don't like something - ignore it. Why bother wasting your energy deliberately seeking out something that you know will make you angry?

Hear me out for a moment, I'll have to go on a tangent here.

I didn't actively get into the series until a year before FFXIII released - which at this point in time is 15 years ago now, but considering we've had only two more (singleplayer) mainline games since then, it's still a relatively late entry point. This is to say: I don't think I'm wearing the worst nostalgia goggles, but I do have a long history with the series nonetheless. These games have played a big role in my life for those past 15 years.

I used to roll my eyes at the "the series died after FFX" crowd. FFXII is one of the best in the series, sure FFXIII was a landslide miss for me, but... that's one game, right. Then FFXV's release drew closer. I did not like what I saw, for many reasons I won't detail now. What did I do? I blacklisted the game's name on all social media platforms, and didn't hear anything about it anymore. To this day I haven't actually seen much of it, though I do know the rough outline. And I know that while the game has a dedicated fanbase, it has also received its fair share of harsh criticism.

Why am I telling you all this?

1.2 Pre-release & producer statements

A few years ago, FFXVI was announced. And I have to be honest: I was negatively biased from the start. I hadn't been happy with SE's general direction for years and I wasn't particularly hopeful for this entry either. But - and I want to make this very clear - I was open to give this game a fair chance. The announcement trailer didn't really hook me but it looked alright, some visual and audio gripes aside. I was... cautiously curious. Not quite enough to call it optimistic, but I wanted to be hopeful.

You know what's excellent at crushing hopes? Game producer interviews that range from "that's a severely stupid opinion to have but you do you" aka (paraphrased) "our traditionally turn-based series can't be turn-based anymore because in order to get the production costs covered we have to appeal to the masses, and the masses are kids who love action and not outdated combat systems in which you have to navigate menus to act" (source); to downright offensive statements such as "we are creating a fantasy world based on reality and therefore black people can't exist in our european medieval setting" (source); and "I have gamer pride so I don't want to feature an easy difficulty setting in my game" (source - for clarity's sake there are accessibility options in the game in the form of equipment that helps simplify combat, however the statement itself is still really goddamn stupid).

And I know these statements have been called out by some - but it definitely didn't blow up as much as it should have considering the popularity of this franchise. It's an open secret why this is the case (if you're out of the loop: the game producer in question is an untouchable god with a really large cult fan following), and quite frankly I believe this is probably where the first seeds of my hatred were sown. Knowing that no matter what FFXVI was going to be it would have people defend it out of their blind commitment to the team behind the game's development, left a.... spiteful aftertaste in my mouth.

Ironically looking back now, and plain offensive statements aside, my biggest concern for the game itself was actually the combat system. I'm definitely part of the old-school "a main series FF game needs turn-based combat" crowd. Oh sweet summer child.

At this point I decided it would be better to go the FFXV route (which, by the way, had some similarly stupid dev comments at its release). All marketing made it clear that I was not the target audience for this game, so best to just ignore its existence.

That worked... alright...ish... until the demo's release. I guess you could say curiousity killed the cat. I decided to take a look at someone's playthrough... and that's where my initial "pissbaby gamer rage" draft that I ended up not posting came from. Go big or go home, if I wanted to be angry about this game in public I should at least be fair and wait for the full release. Not judge the game by its (admittedly generous in length) demo. Get the full receipts, see it for all that it is in its entirety. I think in a way I still didn't want to give up hope completely.

And that's where we are now, two months later I've watched a full playthrough of the game including all sidequests. It's been a wild ride to say the least.

2. The battle system

Let's get this out of the way before we finally get to the really meaty part: As mentioned earlier my primary concern before release was the combat system since it's so far removed from the older entries of the series. Ironically, of all things, this is probably the smallest issue I have with the game now.

I still don't think the combat is good, mind you - this is mostly a matter of personal taste but I'll never see how button mashing and a series of QTEs overlayed over 20 minutes of cinematic cutscene is supposed to be more impactful or fun than the oh-so-outdated turn based menu inputs. Then again, I didn't play the game myself and can therefore obviously not judge how good or bad it feels in the heat of battle. I say "button mashing", by the way, as what I've gathered from other people's reviews - who genuinely enjoyed the game - the combat is really watered down and repetitive in comparison to games with similar systems like the DMC series. While you do pick up new abilities over the course of the game it seems like once you've found one combination that works you can solve every single battle following those exact inputs. This is one of the two really big complaints about this game I've seen consistently in almost every review.

Speaking of combat, the game has the weirdest way to pull you out of the action and emotional moments by freezing mid cutscene, showing a "you won the battle - here's your loot" screen while blasting an epic choir rendition of the classic FF fanfare, before picking that same cutscene right back up. I don't know who thought this was a good idea, but it's honestly jarring. For an extremely cinematic game that supposedly wants to break with "outdated" traditions, implementing that very video game-y results screen is a strange choice.

You could say this last point is nitpicking, and if this game had no other issues I would probably not mention it at all, but as it is this little detail is indicative of a much, much larger issue.

3. The narrative

[The sound of cracking knuckles can be heard in the distance.] Let the slaughter begin.

Prior to release the game was marketed as a departure from the rest of the series - the setting was advertised as a darker, more mature, political intrigue for an adult audience. ('But the masses of kids that like action com-' Who? What are you talking about?) Because as we all know, no other FF game has ever been dark before (/sarcasm).

What we got was storytelling and character writing with about the maturity level of a twelve year old teenage boy in his edgelord phase making his first Game of Thrones fanfiction drafts. This game oozes of sexism, really stupid slavery allegories, the most dumbed down black and white morality with a matching set of one-dimensional black and white characters, godawful pacing and some of the worst NPC dialogues I've ever had to witness.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

3.1 Storytelling and morality

So this dark and mature political story... I'm still searching for it. I know GoT started this trend where writers will use "politics" as a buzz word to make their games look complex (FFXVI hasn't been the sole offender in the past years). Then they expose you to a few kingdom names, show you a map with territories, drop a few year dates with barely any significant relevance to anything over the course of the game, and pretend that's a deep political intrigue. I have news for you: It's not.

Alright, then... this dark and mature... oh. Oh you mean that's because there's a plethora of blood splatters and people say "fuck" and "cock" and "whore" and there's goofily censored sex on screen? Ah... oh. Alright, I see. If that's what you'd call that... sure.

But surely the people who are tattooed like cattle and used as slaves due to being born as magic users will have an interesting role in the story dealing with the very delicate topic of slaver- ...oh, uh... what do you mean the perfect king beloved by everyone is the good guy because unlike all the other people who held slaves, he treated his slaves nicely? And, before you ask.... No, this isn't some sort of commentary the game wants you to question. This guy is unironically, unambiguously portrayed as the perfect good guy. Brought up many, many times for how flawless he is.

And that... is where we're diving into one of this game's biggest and most glaring issues. The writing is so mindnumbingly black and white with not the slightest room for ambiguous or grey morality it's painful. Everything and everyone in this game is always either good with no failings - or so stupidly evil they may as well be a bad saturday morning cartoon villain.

Good characters are always good, and always act out of the pure kindness of their heart. When you think a good character fucked up and actually did something bad, it will later be revealed that either it wasn't them at all and it was all a scheme, or they were possessed by the big baddie and therefore not actually responsible for their actions. Can't possibly risk anyone appearing like a realistic person with character depth now, can we?

And don't worry, just in case you have an extremely bad case of media illiteracy with the slightest hint of doubt of anyone's alignment on the binary moral chart, the game will make sure to overexplain literally every tiny detail to you in the worst way possible. You see, the evil woman right at the start? The one who looks really evil and moves really evil and the first thing she does is being mean to the slaves and being dismissive of her own son? In case you didn't get yet that she's evil, there will be guards whispering about how evil she is when she leaves the scene. Also a scene later the good perfect king will point out how evil she is. And worry not, in case you forget in the few hours she's not on screen, characters will make sure to remind you how she has not a single redeeming quality and every breath she has ever taken has been filled with evil.

And this might sound like I'm exaggerating. But the game is like this with Every. Single. Thing. Sometimes I found myself genuinely wondering if the writers were actively trying to insult the player's intelligence with this condescending amount of overexplanation. Characters constantly comment on everything that is visibly happening on screen - for God's sake if you want to make a modern game that moves away from "outdated" mechanics then write it this way. If you show what is going on with detailed realistic graphics, you do not need characters monologuing a description of what they're seeing. You do not need to voice a character saying "I'm sad" when you can clearly see their facial expression. You do not need to make a character loudly ask himself with noone else present by his side "Is he hallucinating?" when showing another character's hallucinations. Old games did that because they had limited visual capabilities. If you sit on your high horse talking about moving the series forward while spitting into your old playerbase's faces, then do it right at the very least.

Once in a while you'll be exposed to some textbook philosophy theories, which in essence wouldn't be a bad idea at all if those philosophies were somehow smartly woven into the game's narrative… but instead you get characters quoting essentially the wikipedia summary of what that philosophy is about and call it a day.

I wish this was the only issue with the game's writing.

3.2 Pacing

This game's pacing is atrocious. Genuinely, utterly awful. And there`s mostly one thing to blame: Sidequests. If you've heard a single criticism for this game even from people who highly praise it, it's this.

The sidequests are absolutely horrendous filler content on so many levels. Gameplay wise they're usually "follow 10 meters of a linear corridor to defeat an enemy and then grab a carrot at the end" fetch quests. Visually they are not just a nose dive but an entire plane crash compared to the well animated main quests, consisting mostly of the same three reused conversation animations from FFXIV (I'm all for reusing assets if it helps developers save time, work smarter not harder, but this one is blatantly obvious in all the worst ways). And the writing.... oh boy.

NPCs go on and on and on and on having the most blandly written expository dialogue. I get that the writer's intention was to give the world a bit of context and make it feel more alive with random people telling you about their life stories and everyday hurdles, but they failed miserably at making this remotely engaging. They may as well have had people read the dictionary. And maybe this would have worked better as purely written textbox dialogue (if about half of the dialogue was cut, which would still leave more than enough padding around the actually relevant information) - but in a game with voice acting, making people audibly speak in ways noone would ever speak to another person, just doesn't work. It's stilted and unnatural, and really awkward to listen to.

Delivery aside, the stories told in these sidequests vary from "farmer's everyday life issues about growing their crops" to "random child ends oppression by convincing an angry mob of adults they shouldn't be stoning someone because that someone has been a valuable asset to their society (by reminding them they need to keep the streets clean) and suddenly every adult in range is free of bigoted feelings". And then everyone in the bus clapped, I guess. And again, I get the intention behind these stories but they're so clumsily written.

And yes, these are sidequests - you are free to ignore them. But they do make up a considerable chunk of the game. And, unfortuantely, a fair handful of the main quests follow this same fetch quest formula.

This game goes long, very long stretches without anything substential happening. And it's good to have downtime to breathe - the game's big main story moments pack a punch in terms of epic adrenaline filled battles. But this game honestly feels like 60 hours of filler fetch quests with the occasional relevant story sequence sprinkled in between.

3.3 Visuals

I'm not a film student so maybe it's not my place to comment on cinematography, but I felt like visually many of the cutscenes were also really... bland. Not necessarily bad looking (if you can see anything behind the millions of particle effects) but it definitely felt like less care was put into choosing narratively interesting image composition compared to a game like FFXII.

And then it also does this really annoying thing where it will constantly fade to black for absolutely no reason.

Character A: Oh that seems like an exciting story! Tell me all about it. Character B: Okay, so this is a long story... [screen fades to black] [screen fades from black to the exact same shot we had before the fade] Character B: So the story goes like this... (starts telling the story you thought was told off screen indicated by the black sreen)

This and similar instances happen fairly often and I just don't get why. It's nothing to hate the game for but it's just... really strange. Just like those really silly "In the meantime..." text overlays for scenes that are very clearly happening in the meantime. Seriously, we get it. You don't have to spell it out. But whatever, this is one of those things I'd look past if it weren't for the whole rest of this trainwreck.

3.4 Characters

Speaking of trainwrecks. [Takes a deep breath] I've avoided this topic for long enough now. This is where the last seams that hold the game together break and make it fall apart entirely. This is where the pile of shit that's been tossed across the room finally hits the fan.

If you're remotely familiar with any Final Fantasy title you know how important a solid cast is to those games. Your allies and party members you meet over the course of the game, their stories and views on the world's happenings... a charismatic villain. Well, how about we just simply didn't have any of that.

3.4.1 The game's biggest mistake

FFXVI's writers made the decision to focus the game's narrative around a single character, our playable protagonist. There is a small supporting cast of characters that you meet, and occasionally travels alongside you temporarily, but most of them have... not much to them. The game makes it clear: This story is about Clive, and him alone.

And... I don't think having a story focused on a single character is necessarily a bad decision per se, even if highly unusual for a series that was driven by party systems for decades, but... If you decide to do that, then your protagonist needs to have more personality than a soggy wet sponge. It's bad enough that pretty much noone in this game has any sort of depth to them, but if you sideline literally every character in favour of your protagonist's narrative then... at least give that protagonist a character?

This man's personality is nothing beyond helping people because it's the right thing to do. The attempted "he feels guilty for killing his brother" (which naturally he didn't actually do, because that would be too complex of a story) subplot gets dropped a few hours in and he's just... that guy who runs everyone's errands with no input of his own. And it doesn't make him unlikeable necessarily, it just makes him terribly boring.

What is really, really grating however is how every other character portrays him. Named characters and unnamed NPCs alike will throw pity parties for him over and over, going on about how he's so self-sacrificial, always doing everything for others while never expecting anything in return and never taking enough care of himself. It's exhausting. We get it. He's the perfect heroic nice guy, just like his (slave having) dad, the unfailable king. And unlike his evil witch of a mother. Who is so evil, by the way. At times I felt like Clive was some sort of dream fantasy guy self insert of the writers.

I'll say it plainly now: the lack of a well developped playable party is, in my opinion, the game's downfall. Clive alone can't carry the narrative because there isn't nearly enough depth to him, and everyone else has deliberately been stripped of any sort of meaningful screentime. Narrative aside I also feel like multiple playable characters would have done a lot for more variety in terms of gameplay. And before you raise your pitchforks - yes, there are few, very few characters that have their own little story moment. But boy... at what cost.

3.4.2 The state of women

! Rape & suicide mention trigger warning for this section !

So you know, Clive's sidekick? No, not the dog, the girl. Jill. The one who spends most of the game sick in bed, kidnapped, or otherwise missing, and whose single personality trait is being Clive's pure and innocent love interest. Surprisingly, she has her own 30 minutes of side story! A side story that essentially boils down to finding out she was held captive by a weird cult that had no relevance prior to this point and will have no relevance at all after this point. You get to beat up the cult's leader who is revealed to sexually assault underage girls.

Is that ever addressed again at any point? No.

But worry not. We still have a few more women in the bigger roles of the game. One of them, Benedikta, is an early game antagonist whose entire thing is seducing men, and most of the screentime she has is sex scenes. Once you defeat her in battle she flees, and a randomly passing by group of bandits is implied to attempt to rape her. This triggers a flashback of a past assault she was rescued from, and she goes mad. You fight her again, now in her powered up form, and kill her. Then she gets decapitated and her head is sent in a box to her lover to fuel his man rage. Don't worry, you'll get more sex scene flashbacks with her after her death.

But hey. We have another woman in a leading role. The supposedly main antagonist before the real big baddie (who is so boring of a villain i can't even get myself to say anything more about him) is revealed to have business with her. Clive's evil slave-mistreating mum. Her purpose in the story is breeding a flawless heir. What fuels this dignified ambition? Hell if I know. She's written in a hateable way for the sake of it. Likely to contrast Clive and his flawless dad. Absolutely zero depth to anything.

Guess her age here.

If you guessed "at least in her 50s" you are correct! Do I even have to say anything more about this.

The moment her perfect heir is killed, she loses it and slits her own throat. A very anticlimatic conclusion to her non-existent character arc.

Yes, there are a couple more secondary female characters who aren't necessarily walking misogyny targets, but they're pretty much irrelevant to the plot.

Here's a quote from my girlfriend, who is a woman, about the state of women in this game: "I have scarcely felt this alienated by the depiction of women in a video game."

! Trigger warning ends here !

So, uh... how do we move on from here... Let's head somewhere less offensive.

3.5 Music

Usually I'd give the soundtrack a lot more attention since I'm of the opinion that music is one of the most vital parts in a game and can absolutely make or break it - but quite frankly I don't have much to say about this one in detail. It's largely generic epic orchestra music with nothing much unique going for it. The regular battle theme is fairly memorable; and then there's that really aggravatingly annoying acoustic guitar ambient song that seems to play for about half of the game's time. Seriously I hate that one. It drove me nuts. In general I don't know if there's more than 10 songs in the OST because I don't think I heard more than that. Either that, or they all sounded the same.

What stuck out negatively to me especially (apart from that godsdamned acoustic guitar) was the overusage of over the top orchestral arrangements for the tiniest occasions, which was unfitting at best and really tiring at worst. I got used to it with time, but still a good soundtrack isn't just making every moment sound like it's as epic as the final boss, it's making varied music that fits the moment and sets the ambience.

Also not to ruin the OST for anyone who actually enjoys it, but the game's leitmotif sounds like Army of Lovers' Crucified. Noticed it during the demo and couldn't unhear it for the entirety of the game. You're welcome.

4. Credit where credit is due

As should be evident by now, I'm not finding much redeemable in this game. And yet - I would be lying if I said I didn't find myself liking some aspects of it.

Some of the armour designs are pretty neat. In general the character design as a whole feels coherent and mostly fits the setting, some questionable haircut choices aside.

There are chocobos. In different colours. They look nice. Not a big surprise, I suppose.

The voice acting is really good. I can't comment much on the English dub since I only watched the demo in English and then watched the full game with a streamer who played in German; but the German voice actors did an amazing job, and I've heard only good things about the English cast as well. Listening to a few comparisons I was surprised how deep English Joshua's voice is. He sounds like a teenage boy even after the last timeskip in German. That took me out a bit. I also realized I'm very partial to Dion's German voice acting. His final scene was extremely strong in that regard.

Speaking of Dion....

4.1 It's personal again

Alright. Listen. I hate this. I fucking hate this. For weeks I suffered through this game, nothing but this burning passionate hatred within me, ready to shred and tear every single aspect of it apart.

And then. So close to the end. In the final stretch. When I've almost made it through with nothing but rage and hatred by my side. This fucking stupid garbage game attacks my one goddamn weak point: The gay prince and his lover share a small "it isn't meant to be" moment. And I genuinely enjoyed the little gestures in that cutscene. It was a good cutscene.

And at this point I was unfortunately confronted with a hard to swallow pill: I had been kinda looking forward to every time Dion showed up on screen. I'll be honest I'm not sure I would have made it through the game without the driving force of "hey maybe he'll show up again". Over time he turned into my single point of fixation, and it's sad because ultimately he too is pretty much a wet sponge of a character, though maybe the least wet and spongy one. I think he does have some of the stronger scenes in the game (as well as the most visually appealing boss battle - whatever was going on with that bullet hell laser fight in space). He's also unfortunately a sad blond Final Fantasy prince and. Uh. Yeah. Ahem. Alas, he's kinda ugly. Subjectively. But he has an absolutely mighty hip swing when he walks. And a pretty cool spear. Good weapon choice.

In general, props to SE for including an unambiguously gay character in a decently written way. We all know this company is pretty behind in terms of diversity and representation, so seeing that was a pleasant surprise.

Anyway I really REALLY hate to admit it but I've been kinda held hostage by the game over this stupid prince. I'm hoping this is a temporary side effect (derogatory) from being exposed to the game for a prolonged amount of time and in a few weeks I won't care anymore. I hate it here.

5. Conclusion

When I finally finished watching the game after having spent 2 entire months with it I was mostly asking myself one question... What is worse in regards to an art medium? To hate it so intensely that you're willing to dive into every little aspect of it; or to feel complete indifference?

I can't tell you if I think FFXVI is the worst game in the series. It's the one I feel the most passionate hate for, that's for sure. But a game like FFXV seems so inherently unappealing I don't even care to look at it. Not because I think I'll dislike it any more, I just think it will bore me. (Irrelevant side note - I do plan to finally watch a playthrough of that one too in the future. Might as well commit now.)

There are aspects of FFXVI I do think are inexcusable in an objective way; delicate topics handled badly, developers that need an attitude check, and also... by god go meet a woman in real life, please.

For a game that was said to modernize and move the series forward, it makes terribly outdated choices in many regards. It somehow tries so hard to be a departure from the other games in the series, losing a lot of what makes a good Final Fantasy game, and simultaneously clings so hard to references that feel so empty when the core of these games has been trampled on. No amount of preludes and FF1 overworld theme rearrangements and corny "this will be your final fantasy" puns can bring the series' essence back that this game failed to capture. A sense of adventure, a compelling story with a meaningful cast of companions, a world to explore beyond grey corridors.

It should have been a spin-off, not a main title game. Obviously a different name wouldn't have changed the quality of the game, but I can't shake off the feeling that had it been called FFXIV: The Offline Singleplayer Experience (which quite frankly it feels like in many regards), I might have been a bit more lenient with my judgement.

Still...public reception of the game seems, surprisingly, fairly mixed. My fears of the game being hailed as the second coming of Christ didn't actually become true. At the very least the gameplay is oftentimes heavily criticized. And while I really have to wonder if all the people who praise the story and character writing have watched the same thing as I have, seeing the game actually receive some nuanced opinions from both people who like and dislike it alike is a refreshing twist I didn't expect. (Just in case this comes across wrong: I don't consider my opinions to be nuanced. I'm just a hater. But I'm right. Ha.)

Well... uh... After all this I don't quite know how to end this. I feel like I've said more than anyone should say about this game and somehow nothing of substance at all. Topical, I suppose. Oh well. Congrats (I guess) to this game for sparking something in me (negative) no other game has ever done before. For all it's worth, it strengthened my bond to some of the older entries I used to judge more harshly. I know better now.

-----

If you're the single person who made it this far, I think you deserve to have some pictures. Here's my favourite battle phase: (Something about those symmetrical orb patterns was very aesthetically pleasing. Better in motion though.)

And here's an exclusive look at parts of my initial draft and some discord liveblogging:

anyway peace out ✌️ go watch dions death scene in german

#this is my villain origin story #and also the unskippable cutscene villain monologue i'll drop 3/4th through the story

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recurringwriter · 24 days

Note

curry, as my designated ML friend, do you happen to know anything about the recent nanowrimo controversy? the MLs in my region have basically disbanded the group because of the new contract but i guess i’m out of the loop cause i haven’t heard about it before. i’m curious as to how other regions are handling it!

askjdkfjgh okay so i started on a long-winded and disorganized rant about stuff then remembered i had been much more concise when i explained the agreement to my region. here is an edited version of the message i shared with them, please forgive the proper capitalization and formal tone

NaNoWriMo HQ has decided to revamp the ML program, and at the start of the month sent us the updated ML agreement. All three of us have agreed that we are not comfortable signing the new contract, and will be stepping down as official ML's. We would like it if it were temporary, but HQ has indicated that they aren't interested in member feedback and that they want us to take it or leave it. As it was given to us, the agreement:

Provides contradictory and unclear terms of what our responsibilities will be, and nothing about what we can expect from HQ to support us.

Expects that we complete 'training' before we can learn more of what our responsibilities will even be, and gives no explanation of what this will ask of us.

Requires that we give personal data to ID.me, a third-party identity verification site that would store our information for at minimum 3 years and is considered by tech experts to be a poor choice for ID verification.

Demands increased presence on the forums as unpaid moderators, including during off-season.

Mentions confusing rules about people under 18 participating in the event. We are supposed to report them so that they can be banned, and the wording of the agreement implies that they cannot be permitted in any community events.

Asks that we send more e-mails per week during November, and doesn't account for regions with multiple MLs.

Forbids us from discussing anything sent to us from HQ with anyone, including our regions, other regions, or even fellow MLs.

Forbids us from fundraising directly for our regions, and offers no indication that HQ has plans to fund venues, goodie bags, or any other materials that MLs provide for their regions.

Some concerns have been addressed in a FAQ from the interim Executive Director, but it is uncomfortable that they were not worded clearly in the agreement from the start, and as of now we have not been given information on how much the agreement might change. They claim that there are no legal liabilities for MLs who sign, but the wording of the agreement suggests otherwise. We are being asked to trust HQ, but at this point HQ is giving us no reason to believe them.

...... What would change? We would not get stickers and posters from HQ for Kick-Off and TGIO, but we could still host them so long as we didn't use the official logo or name. The regional page on the official site might cease to exist, but our Discord would continue as it has been and we would still be able to organize 'unofficial' in-person and virtual write-ins. It will be harder to reach out to new members, who might not realize that they could find community nearby. It's unfortunate, but at the moment, this feels like the only option.

After sending that ^ they gave us the 'updated agreement preview' which we were expected to sign on the 1st (fitting it being on april fool's). i actually have No Idea if i was supposed to e-mail them if i was coming back so that they'd give me the Actual Agreement or if i just failed to get the actual agreement in an e-mail because by that point they'd already wiped all ML's of their status on the site so probably their already-fucked e-mail list was finally laid to rest. in any case there's no way i'd sign because the changes amounted to them saying 'trust us!!! it'll be covered in training!!!' and then didn't even say like. 'training will be done via [method].' they probably think we all live near HQ and can go in person idk.

so TLDR they want us to act as full-time moderators but are certainly not going to be paying us. they've replied to people's well-thought-out concerns and suggestions the way that my manipulative bog witch aunt would. and they got rid of All Of Us right before april camp, before last year's agreement expired. I guess they will blame us all for being toxic when the ML's who they promised would 'soon repopulate your regions' simply do not appear.

and like yeah a lot of people are really bitter about it, but the obfuscating and condescending replies really make me apprehensive about how volunteers willing to sign on are going to be treated. even if they had changed the aspects of the agreement that i found most alarming, i wouldn't want to be micromanaged and thrown under the bus knowing how they put this whole change forward in the first place. and then not be paid! that's what keeps getting me! like i'm not getting paid for this!

most people in my region seem to be in agreement that they'll use the site for goal-tracking, but won't be donating ever again. i've been trying to come up with fun activities to help bring everyone together through the year and keep spirits up, but really...after the forums/site switch a couple years ago people just stopped using our regional forum. it used to be really active but once the site changed, posting dropped right off. hq kept pushing us to try and make their dumb forums worth the money but it was so hard to use that nothing i did worked and i had better things to do with my time anyway. like writing askdjgh.

anyway i hope that writing is going well for you despite all the weirdness happening and that you can stay in touch with your region! and if there's anything i was unclear on or you'd want me to elaborate about let me know, there was A Lot last month and it's hard to keep it all straight in my mind.

#thank you for the ask!#nanowrimo

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starryevermore · 1 year

Text

ghost of you ✧ crosshair

angst city™ library | send in a request (consult request faqs first)

request: Literally…anything angsty. Like gut wrenching, crush my soul, tug and twist at the heart…with anyone. Just need to feel something. AND THAT THING IS ANGST - anon

pairing: crosshair x fem!jedi!force ghost!reader

summary: when the order is given, your lover kills you. but even as he loses his way, you can’t seem to let him go.

word count: 3,965

warnings?: hurt/no comfort, angst city™ bitch, main character death, not proofread

You knew this was to be your end. You had known for a long time. A Jedi’s vision is often misleading, doesn’t offer the full picture. But, when you saw the man you love aim a blaster at your heart, mutter that “good soldiers follow orders”, before the world faded around you…Well, there was little denying what you saw. Perhaps you wouldn’t die, you supposed. Perhaps you would live and have to grapple with your lover betraying you. But, in your heart, you knew that you would meet your end at the hands of a man you trusted with your life. A bitter end, to be sure, but all’s fair in love and war, as they say.

So when the day came that the clones on Kaller turned their weapons on you, Master Depa Billaba, and Padawan Caleb Dume, you knew that you would not leave the planet alive. What surprised you, though, was how Clone Force 99, the squad that you led, did not react as the other clones. No, they were okay?…They were helping Caleb escape, they were helping you stop the other clones from killing the young Padawan. All except for your beloved Crosshair, a sniper with a heart of ice that only thawed for you. His weapon turned on you. He only saw you as a target to hit. Any love he had for you, it was set aside in favor of completing his mission.

But you had your own. If you had to die that day, you could not let the Padawan to die, too. No, he was too important. If order was to be restored to the galaxy, he had to survive. Now was not his time to go. You and Hunter led the Padawan through the forest, trying to find him safe passage away from the fight. A blaster struck you in the side. You fell.

“GO!” you shouted as Caleb turned, hand outstretched to help you. “Leave me!”

Hunter hesitated. He took a step towards you. “We don’t leave our own behind—”

A gentle lie was better than the harsh truth, so you said, “I’ll be fine. Just get him out of here. That’s an order!”

Finally, they ran. You hissed as you reached down, your hand becoming sticky with blood as it touched your wound. That wasn’t the blast that could kill you, but kriff, it hurt.

A shadow loomed over you. You didn’t want to look, didn’t want to meet the eyes of your killer, but you knew it wouldn’t change the reality of the situation. You wanted to see him, at least one more time before you were gone. You lifted your gaze, seeing a near-pained expression on Crosshair’s face.

“Cross,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, “you don’t have to do this.”

“You are a traitor,” he spat. He aimed his blaster. His finger fell to the trigger, yet he did not pull it.

“You know that’s not true. This, this isn’t you.” You felt sick to your stomach. You knew this was always going to happen. But…You had to let him know. This wasn’t his fault. “Please, Cross—”

He raised his blaster higher. His usually steady hands trembled, ever so slightly. “Good soldiers follow orders. My order is to kill traitors.”

Any attempt to convince him not to shoot was futile. This was your fate. It had been, for a long time. “I forgive you, Cross. I love you, okay? Even after this, I will still love you.”

“Not just a traitor to the Republic,” Crosshair hissed. “A traitor to your own code. Why should someone whose treachery runs to her core be spared?”

“Then don’t spare me,” you said. Your voice shook despite your best efforts. “I understand.”

Crosshair’s nimble fingers—the same ones he’d use to massage your scalp, to caress you when he thought you were sleeping, to hold yours when no one else was looking—pulled the trigger. Your breath caught in your throat, then released in a bloody scream. Just before your eyes squeezed shut, you watched Crosshair flinch.

He ran away, and three others ran toward you. You heard your name—Wrecker was shouting. There was a thud as he fell to his knees beside you. He touched the blaster wound. “Tech!” he wailed. “She needs help!”

“Don’t,” you managed to say. “Too late.”

“Don’t say that!”

You opened your eyes to see Echo place a hand on Wrecker’s shoulder. “You don’t recover from a wound like that,” Echo said.

“She’s a Jedi! She has magic healing powers! And, and with the bacta—”

“Forgive him,” you whispered. Wrecker’s mouth fell shut. “Forgive him. Don’t…Don’t let him lose himself. He needs you.”

“He needs you!”

Tech knelt on the other side of you. “According to my calculations, you don’t have much long left.” He reached out, stroked the space between your brows. “We should be the ones offering you comfort.”

Your breathing became labored. Kriff, it hurt to breathe. “I’ll be fine,” you lied. You knew Tech knew it was a lie. “Find Hunter and Crosshair. Stay safe, okay? I…I’ll see you soon.”

It was obvious how much Tech wanted to refute you. But, he allowed your lie to remain unchallenged. “Rest. You deserve it.”

And you did. Your eyes fell shut. You heard footsteps walk away. One set paused—you were sure it was Wrecker. Then— everything faded away.

“She’s gone,” Wrecker said. When Tech and Echo looked back, there was nothing left of you.

Becoming one with the Force was not what you expected, if you were being honest. Even when your former Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, had taught you the secret of retaining your individuality when you became one with the Force, you never expected it to be true. It seemed too…surreal.

“No, she’s there!” Echo said, pointing.

You knew they saw you. You knew your former Master was right. You swallowed, even though you didn’t really need to, and repeated, “Forgive him.”

You turned, and disappeared. They didn’t need you now.

“Why do you torment me?”

You reached out, caressed Crosshair’s face. Despite his words, he leaned into your touch. You missed this. You missed him, how he used to be, before the Empire took him, before Clone Force 99 left him. Now, only in his dreams, could you touch him, try to break through to him. You feared that, if you showed yourself in the land of the living, he would break further. You limited your interactions to his dreamland.

“I need you to know that I forgive you.” You leaned in, pressed your forehead to his. “That your brothers forgive you. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.”

He yanked away. He turned his back toward you. You stepped toward him, reached out, but paused. No. You didn’t want to overwhelm. You dropped your hand. His shoulders trembled as he near-snarled, “Why must you keep bringing them up?”

“They were at a crossroads, Cross. It wasn’t a decision they took lightly. They just—”

“Thought I would betray them like I did you?”

Every conversation came back to this point. And every time, Crosshair closed himself off. He would push harder and harder and harder until he awoke. You would leave him for a day or two, let him calm, and try again. The cycle would repeat. It felt never-ending. But you couldn’t give up on him.

“They still love you. They miss you. If they could safely come back for you, they would.”

Crosshair’s back straightened. “Because I’m such a danger to them.”

And it always came back to this. Crosshair thinking himself a danger to his brothers. Crosshair shutting down any refutation you offered. He was stuck in his head. You understood. Of course you understood why he was like this.

“You’re not the danger, my love.” You placed a hand on his shoulder. He flinched. You weren’t sure if it was at the contact, or if it was at your words. “The Empire, though…They’re not good. The second you are no longer useful to them, they will have no qualm discarding you.”

“Then the Empire is more similar to my brothers than you think.”

“Cross…”

He turned his head toward you, his dark eyes flashing. With anger, perhaps? Contempt? You couldn’t quite tell. Crosshair was always a difficult person to read. He kept his feelings so close to his chest, never let anyone see the turmoil that simmered below the surface. No one was allowed to see it. Not even you.

“Everyone leaves. Why does it matter if I go with my brothers or stay with the Empire? It will turn out the same in the end.”

“I never left you.”

For a flash of a second, so quick you should have missed it, Crosshair’s eyes softened. But then he squared his shoulders, his lip curled. “You’re not really here. This is only a manifestation of perceived guilt.”

“Perceived guilt?” you echoed. You tried to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach. You knew he was only being cruel because he was hurt. He didn’t mean his words. And yet, the sting left you reeling. You pulled your hand away. Crosshair’s head bows.

“I did what had to be done.”

Part of you wanted to argue back, to say he did what he was made to do. That this fate had long been since written. That it was the result of a chip in his brain. But, he knew about the chip. He knew that he didn’t have control over his actions at the time. He knew, and he said it anyways. You took a step back.

“It’s almost time for you to wake up,” you said instead.

He looked at you. If you were looking at him, you would have seem the glassiness to his eyes, how his hand twitched, ready to be outstretched toward you. You turned.

“If you want me to leave you be, I will. I never wanted to torment you,” you said. Was it possible for a Force ghost to cry? It felt like you were close. Like if you stayed here for a moment longer, you would break.

“It would be for the best.”

You looked at him this time. If this was his wish, you would respect it. You would never bother him again. But if you were to leave him be, you wanted to see him one last time. You looked him over. Took in his gray hair, cropped close to his scalp. His tanned skin, the crosshair tattoo over his eye. His dark eyes, how they wouldn’t meet your gaze.

“If you change your mind…”

“I won’t.” He didn’t sound convinced. But you didn’t push. You’ve reached his limit. If you went any further, he would fall. You didn’t want to hurt him.

The dream world faded around you. You watched as Crosshair laid in his bunk, his eyes opening. He let out a deep sigh, a hand coming up to rub his face. You balled your hands into a fist in an effort to resist the urge to reach out to him. It wouldn’t do you any good. Unlike the dream world, you couldn’t touch him here.

Crosshair sat up. As he moved, you saw the holopic resting beside him. It was of him and you and the rest of Clone Force 99 sans Echo, back when things were simpler. It had been your first mission with the squad. It had gone horrible, in the way that all of their missions went horrible. Which, of course, was to say that everything went to shit, but still managed to be successful. You had insisted on the picture being taken, said something about it being a good memory to have. Crosshair made fun of you at the time, but when the picture was taken, he still stood beside you, a hand resting on your back. He didn’t smile—he never really smiled—but it was the happiest you had seen him.

Seeing it, it made you want to shatter your resolve. Crosshair didn’t really want you to go. But, he needed the space. You weren’t helping him by constantly hovering. So, as his head turned to where you stood, you disappeared.

You didn’t seem him again for a long while.

“Do you think Crosshair will come back?” Omega asked.

You watched as her legs swung on the Marauder’s platform, how she leaned back, resting on her palms, looking out at the sky as if she expected him to drop out of the air at any moment. Since you left Crosshair be, you returned to Clone Force 99. After scaring Wrecker so bad that he screamed loud enough to wake everyone, you explained how you were there. You tried to offer why you were there, but no explanation felt right. They didn’t ask for one, though. They let you stay, no questions asked.

For the most part, you stayed with Omega. She was still learning to defend herself, so you took the opportunity to step in whenever she needed help. Those moments were becoming fewer and farther between as she grew into herself. You found yourself teaching her other things, things about the galaxy and the Force and how just to ask questions so that she could get her way when Hunter was being particularly stubborn. It had been many years since you had had a Padawan, but it almost felt like had taken on Omega as one. It felt like she was your child.

“He…has a lot of inner turmoil,” you said finally. The topic of Crosshair was one rarely breached. It made her brothers uncomfortable, so she learned to not ask often. But when you were with her, watching over her while her brothers were on a mission deemed too dangerous for her, she sometimes ventured into the territory. “Your guess is as good as mine. When I saw him last, he still had so much of that anger and that guilt, that feeling of abandonment.”

“Do you think he’s scared? Out there, working for the Empire, without his vode?”

“If you asked him, he would say he wasn’t scared of anything.”

“But I’m asking you.”

“…I think he doesn’t know what to do. I think he feels like he doesn’t have a place with his brothers anymore. And, while he has a place with the Empire, he knows it’s fleeting. He sees the two options before him and thinks they’re both awful, so he stays on the path he’s currently on.”

“It sounds lonely, living like that.”

“I’m sure it is.” You let out a sigh. You leaned back, lying down on the platform. Omega mimicked your movements. “He doesn’t think he has a place here anymore, though. And I think that keeps him from leaving the Empire, too. He might be lonely there, too, but he doesn’t feel like he has to wait for the other shoe to drop, you know?”

She looked to you. Her eyes had welled up with tears. “Is that my fault? Does he think he can’t come back because of me? I-I’m the reason they left him behind. If I hadn’t—”

“Shh, shh,” you hushed. You sat up and wrapped your arms around Omega. They passed through her, so you hovered around her, not quite touching her. “Listen, Crosshair would have been left behind whether you were there or not, okay? You changed things, sure. But at the end of the day, the chip in Crosshair’s brain…It, changed the way he thought, you know? That’s not something you could have changed by being there or not being there.”

“I just…I don’t want them to regret bringing me with them.” Omega sniffled, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. “I know that they’re on the run because of me. They, they could have settled down somewhere if they didn’t have me. They wouldn’t have to keep fighting. They could have normal lives.”

“Listen to me: They love you, Omega. They would do anything for you. Sometimes, they might get frustrated and it might feel like they regret taking you with them. But they only want the best for you. And things are so crazy right now, it’s hard to tell what’s good for you. And that scares them.”

Omega sniffled again. Your heart ached. You wished you could bundle her up in your arms and squeeze her tight. She didn’t deserve this kind of weight on her heart. She deserved to be a kid. She deserved to run around and play games and not worry about having to survive. She deserved to just live. “You think so?”

“I know so. I've known your brothers a long time. They love with their whole hearts. Once you have their love, you never lose it. And, trust me, they loved you the moment they saw you.”

Omega was silent. Then, she lifted her gaze to meet yours. “So, if Crosshair knew his brothers loved him…He might come back?”

You swallowed. You weren’t sure. Truthfully, you really weren’t. But…Well, gentle lies. “He might.”

Omega seemed satisfied with that answer. She laid back down on the platform, looking toward the sky. Fluffy, white clouds passed overhead. She pointed to one. “That cloud looks like Mantell Mix.”

You let out a laugh. It felt nice to laugh again. It felt so long since you’ve felt so…light. “Sounds like someone’s hungry.”

“Hush and play the game!”

“Alright, alright! Hmm, that one looks like a lothcat.”

“Do you think I could convince Hunter to let us get a lothcat as a pet?”

“You know, I think that’s one of those things where you ask for forgiveness instead of permission.”

“I like the way you think!”

You watched as Omega ran towards Crosshair. You reached out toward her in vain. They all needed to leave. They couldn’t stay on this platform forever. It was too risky to stay. The longer they remained, the worse things may end up. But, she still ran to him, thanked him for saving AZI, a droid that she had been fond of when living on Kamino. Crosshair told her to consider each other even. You expected her to leave then, but she surprised you.

“They still love you,” she said. “Y/N said they would always love you.”

Crosshair’s gaze hardened. He turned away, not giving her a reply. Omega hesitated, unsure of whether she should say more or if she should go. Finally, she turned and ran back to Hunter, who led her onto the ship. Moments later, Marauder rose to the sky, leaving Crosshair behind again. You stayed, moving a few paces behind your former lover.

“You shouldn’t tell her things like that,” Crosshair muttered. It was the first time he had acknowledged you being there. You had made yourself known when Hunter was captured, but Crosshair never looked at you. Never said a word about you. It made you doubt if you were ever really there at all.

“And you should have gone with them.”

He turned toward you, his eyes narrowed. “Why should I care about what you think? You left me, just like them.”

“You told me to go. I was respecting your wishes. I…Cross, you kept pushing. I knew that my being with you was only causing you pain. I worried that if you kept pushing, you would be the one to break.”

“Always so selfless, you Jedi,” he spat. But there was almost no malice behind his words. He looked away, stared out at the water. “I kept waiting. You were never one to just leave, to give up. So many times, you went running back into active combat to save civilians. You’ve made Tech turn the ship around to rescue prisoners. You made sure every woman and child was always spared.”

You knew what he was getting at. He couldn’t say the words, though they were right on the tip of his tongue. So, you said them for him.

“I should have stayed.”

He gave a curt nod. “You proved yourself to be like everyone else.”

“I'm sorry. Cross, I…I should have been there for you, I know that.” You reached out. He took a step away. You froze, your hand still in the air, before you let it fall to your side. “You deserve better than what the Empire will give you. I understand if going back to your brothers isn’t what you want. But you can’t stay with the Empire. Look how quickly they got rid of the Kaminoans. Look at how they’re already trying to get rid of the clones. How long will it be until you’re considered expendable?”

“Unlike someone people, I understand the value of loyalty.”

You held your tongue. You were half-sure he wanted to get a rise out of you. He loved doing that, when you were alive. He would poke and prod, proud that he knew just what buttons to push. You knew his game, but you refused to play it now.

“You once said that you would always be there for me. But that wasn’t true, was it? You left. You acted just like all the others. Tell me, why should I care about a single thing you say to me now?”

You remembered telling him that. It was in the early days, when the two of you were just beginning your relationship. You had nearly died on the battlefield. A droid got too close, moved too quick. Crosshair took the droid about before any significant damage happened, but by the time you got back to the ship, you could your spirit leaving you. Crosshair held you as Tech treated your wounds, muttering that you weren’t allowed to go. Not yet, not when he wanted you by his side. You told him you would stay with him for all of eternity, if he would let you.

“I love you, Cross. You know I do. You can be mad at me, be disappointed in me, hate me for all I care. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” You took a step closer, then another. He didn’t move away. “I knew you were going to kill me, long before we ever arrived on Kaller. I knew that I would meet my end at the hands of the man I love. I could have left. I could have asked to be assigned a different squad. But I loved you too much to go. And I love you now, all the same.”

“No one asked you to stay.”

“So don’t you dare put this on me.”

“I’m not. I’m only telling you, because I would do it all over again. I would live through my death every time without change if it meant that I got to love you.”

“Then you are a fool.”

You shrugged. “Perhaps. But I would rather be a fool, a slave to my attachment to you, than survive without ever knowing your love.”

Crosshair grit his teeth, snarling as he said, “Go. I don’t want you here.”

“I’m not leaving you again, Cross.”

“GO!” he shouted.

You let out a breath and allowed yourself to disappear from his sight. But you remained there. You stayed with him. You stayed all thirty-two rotations on that platform, watching over him. Making sure he was safe. He could tell you to leave, he could act like he never cared. But you knew that he needed you as much you needed him. So you stayed on that platform with him, and for every day that followed.

Most days, he didn’t see you, didn’t know you were there. But he always knew. He always knew he was being haunted by the ghost of you.

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