#and i am a really great history of science student actually

[astriiformes]

Working on my degree proposal and for all I am hard on myself for my (slightly higher than average, but still fairly average) GPA, mostly because I worry about it hurting my chances at grad school, I feel like it still says something that I actually do have straight As in my history of science classes in particular. If nothing else, I'm more than a little proud of myself for that

#slides that third of my transcript to various grad admissions departments and hopes they ignore my chemistry/gen ed grades #like realistically. they might #i am not applying to become a biochemist or anything like that. i am going to be applying to history of science programs #and i am a really great history of science student actually #and also have struggled in some of my classes because of the whole 'partner falling seriously chronically ill' thing #which feels like a reasonable thing to mention as an extenuating circumstance!! #i don't know. i don't want to get to hopeful but like. maybe i /am/ good enough for this

[cinnamonest]

I loved your student x teacher posts for Childe ❤️❤️ could you possibly write one for Ayato? Rich boi might be one of those private school honor students who gets anything he wants or maybe he’s home schooled with a personal tutor? thank you 🫶

omg he would be the biggest overachiever kid but also I am loving the idea of rich kid!Ayato, I love rich boys with an subtle arrogant flair and he's the perfect candidate

For reference, the past Teacher X Student posts can be found here:

Childe (Part One)

Childe (Part Two)

Xiao

-----

Working in a private school environment has its ups and downs. There's a lot of benefits, sure, but the thing is that those benefits can often be downsides in and of themselves.

For example, the most elite of private schools tend to bring a lot of very strict parents, and thereby kids who have been raised with high expectations and rigid enforcement of behavior. Consequently, they're usually very well behaved, making life easier in that regard for faculty.

On the other hand, such kids also have a tendency to be perhaps a bit too prideful with themselves, see themselves as above certain rules or having to listen to authorities, are showoffs, or simply suck up to the teachers a bit too much (and yes, even as the teacher yourself, those types still can be a little irritating). These kids come in surplus, higher amounts than you would find in "normal" schools, and thus, this presents both a higher amount of both the positives and negatives that come with that.

Not that you're really complaining or anything. For the most part, they're all very pleasant students to teach. You get plenty of wonderful students that are a delight to have, even if some have their moments every now and then. The few truly not-so-great ones are the minority, and even then, the fulfillment you get from enriching lives and all that makes it worth whatever inconveniences you have.

There's also another element that can be even more of a challenge to deal with than the students themselves: the parents. In this environment, it's a well-known, terribly-kept secret that administration chooses which students are to be taken into higher degrees of consideration, given more leeway and assistance, and so on, based on their parents' donation history to the school. There seems to be a trend in which those students from the absolute wealthiest of families always seem to get the highest degree of special treatment and favoritism in several areas of the student experience.

Not that those kids are necessarily bad themselves, no, plenty of them are still great students. And some of the elite families have very pleasant parents and children alike, very wonderful families all-around.

You're actually familiar with two students exactly like that -- a pair, actually, siblings. Parents are involved in politics or something like that.

Their daughter is more or less the ideal student, successful in everything she does, and notably, has inherited the social prowess befitting someone of her status. Their son, likewise, is a high achiever, but focused particularly on academic and scholastic achievements rather than social status.

You've seen Ayato's records on file a few times before. The type that excels in everything. Every academic subject. Whereas some kids might say they're more of a "math and sciences" person while some say they're more of a "fine arts person" and others still a "humanities person," he is all of them. No one area is better or worse than the other beyond maybe a single point or two in his grade average, which are all borderline flawless, very close to if not right at a perfect score.

To your knowledge, he's involved in some sport or another, and excels in that too. A few extracurricular activities, too. He takes part in each one of those scholarly national and regional competitions they have for maths and essays and the like, and has come back with some sort of recognized finalist award each and every time. He's in the nation's respective honors student chapter at your institution. He's on the student council, too. You heard another teacher say that with his current standing, he's more or less guaranteed to be his class's valedictorian.

And you... well, actually, you feel a little pity for him when you think about it. Sure, you're certain he enjoys a lot of those things, but you also can't help but think that some of that probably isn't really his own choosing, but rather expectations that have been set for him that he has been conditioned into meeting at all costs. You see it a lot with the students at these types of schools.

You're certain it does have its costs. The one thing you haven't seen him doing a whole lot of is talking to other students. He eats lunch in the classroom while he works, since he takes so many of those special, higher-level classes. He seems to always be working on something school-related, even during otherwise free time where others are socializing.

Not that he isn't well-liked or socially apt, because he certainly is -- capable of winning over anyone, charismatic and persuasive. He just doesn't seem to have enough time to really socialize too much. He's the sort of student who is popular with everyone and well-liked by everyone, but has never had the time to form any particularly close relationships. Everyone is an acquaintance, he's on everyone's good side, but no one is truly close to him.

You're somewhat surprised he comes to talk to you, one day at complete random, walking into your room with a soft smile and a hand held up in a greeting gesture. Surely he doesn't need any help. He's always done very well in your class without needing anything.

And you're right. As it turns out, he wanted to ask you to write recommendation letters for him to turn in for various universities. You're unsurprised when, after you ask as casually as you can, he gives the names of some of the institutions he's considering: all incredibly prestigious, renowned, and notoriously low-acceptance ones, the sorts of places most kids don't apply to simply because they know they stand no chance. But for him, of course, it doesn't really surprise you, and you honestly doubt he'll have much trouble. If there's anyone set to land themselves a spot there, it would be him.

Still, it puts quite a bit of pressure on you to write the best letter you can.

You do wonder to yourself why you were his choice of teacher to go to. Sure, you like him plenty, but who doesn't? All the teachers are fond of him. You've never really had any one-on-one conversations or anything. Perhaps he's looking to study a field related to your subject. There's also plenty of that happening in these elite environments -- many kids with business or politically involved parents are already set to inherit said business or enter directly under their parents' career, and will be accepted into a high position as soon as they are ready. Some actually study for the field, but a lot of them simply go to a university for the "college experience," and simply study something they find interesting, even if it's completely unrelated to their future career. Still, you'd imagine someone like him to intend to study in a way that's dedicated to his career... well, whatever, it's not something worth pondering over too much.

So you go through with it. Normally, writing these letters doesn't take very long, honestly you just kind of write one very generalized letter, then replace the name and a few descriptors here and there for each student you write one for. For him in particular, though, you make sure to add a lot of attention-catching words that you know admissions people like to see, fluff it up to make him sound like the best student to ever walk the face of the earth and all that, then send it off to the front office to be organized and sent out.

He drops by again to thank you for it, after school a few days later. Common courtesy, nothing out of the ordinary, a lot of students do that sort of thing where they always come to thank you in-person, especially here where they're all raised under a strict concept of manners and customary practices. He shows up at your door, pleasant in expression and voice, I just wanted to stop by and thank you for... and so on. The usual. You smile and nod, and likewise give the standard response -- oh, you're so sweet, I'm happy to help... A set-in-stone sort of dialogue, as if the lines are predetermined by the social norms.

And then he adds something else.

I'm incredibly grateful. If you'll allow it, I'd like to repay you. Are you busy this coming weekend?

That part catches you off-guard, though. You sit still for a moment, blinking, hands still resting on your keyboard.

...Huh? Well, no, I don't... have anything...?

He doesn't seemed to be fazed by your clear bewilderment. He keeps that same soft smile, says that's perfect. He was a bit worried you'd end up being busy... making reservations before asking probably wasn't the best idea, but he just got ahead of himself, you know? Anyway, your address is already on the school's directory, so no need to give it to him. Just be ready by eleven-thirty in the morning or so. We'll just come to your door.

You're still rather puzzled, he's moving so fast into whatever he's referring to, but you gather the jist, that he wants to take you somewhere, which, of course, strikes you as rather odd and somewhat inappropriate.

But before you can try to find the words to voice that thought, he adds that his sister also wanted to come, she likes you plenty too and all. The two of them just wanted to show their appreciation.

Anyway, dress formal, but not too formal, you know? Somewhere in the middle. Will that work for you?

I... well, I... I guess I...

Great. Everything works out well, then. See you then. He nods, turns and gestures a goodbye, makes his way out the door while you're still blinking and sputtering and trying to process the interaction that just happened, not even close to being able to formulate a response.

...

Well. That was... a bit strange. It's a bit burdensome, really, you'd be much happier just spending your day at home at rest, you don't need to be shown appreciation in this way. And isn't it a bit odd to do something like this, considering your relationship to each other? It just seems like such an unusual proposal under the circumstances that you don't really know what to think of the matter.

Still, he means well. And besides, his sister being there makes a huge difference in terms of appropriateness. If she wasn't, well, maybe then you'd have to have a brief discussion about how it's probably not very acceptable, but since she'll be there, it's alright, you suppose.

It's probably just yet another one of those things where these wealthy young students go above and beyond on everything they do. You once had a student give you a rather pricey gift card as thanks for tutoring, and there was that other one that went on a trip abroad and brought back fancy souvenirs for every teacher, even. To these kids, expensive or time-consuming gestures have far less significance than they would to a normal person. So sure, it's odd, but you can rationalize how he would think it was something that he was supposed to do. Still, you have no idea where you're even going, and, well, you don't know him well enough that having an extended one-on-one conversation will be anything short of horribly awkward and uncomfortable.

You don't see him again for the remainder of the week, except in-class, where he doesn't stop to talk or anything, merely comes and leaves with the bell as everyone else does. You almost forget, until you get the reminder from your phone on Friday night, and begrudgingly go to find something you can wear. You're still rather bewildered by the whole thing.

But no matter how bad you thought it could be, that could never compare to how bad the awkwardness actually is, the day of. It's so, so, so unbearably awkward, coming out to meet this boy you really don't know that well, forcing yourself to return the smile and wave he gives you as you walk up to him as you talk, oh, you're so nice to be doing this...

...And then, you turn your head to look from side to side and...

...Didn't you say Ayaka was coming?

Oh, her? Well, it turns out she had something come up. She hates to miss this, but turns out she had a previous commitment that she forgot about. Such a busy girl, she's always doing something, haha. Anyway.

He just sort of immediately moves on, switching the conversation to the present moment -- it's a really nice place you're going to, his parents go there quite often, you'll like it for sure... he just sort of goes off on that, leaving you no opportunity to speak, sort of quietly shifting you over to the car... which does have someone else in it...?

Oh, yes, that's the family's driver. Don't mind him, his job is to just drive without saying anything.

Anyway.

He's fond of that word. Conversational navigation is a skill he's become rather good at over the years, largely out of necessity, considering his prospective future. When someone is starting down a path of conversation that they probably shouldn't, all one has to do is distract them, change the subject, engage them with another matter and steer them away from matters that will only go down an unwanted path of dialogue.

Yes, anyway, what a quaint little area you live in. Although these buildings are dreadfully close to each other... and there's no gates around the whole area... how unsafe. He thought that a private institution would pay teachers a little better than that. Maybe you're just frugal.

He keeps talking. You wouldn't deny he has a certain charm about him, he's an easygoing person to talk to, even if it is still quite awkward. He mostly focuses on questions about you and your work. You in turn ask him a few questions -- has he heard back from any universities yet, does he have any idea of what he wants to study, so on and so on... for someone who you've always perceived as quite the perfectionist, it turns out he's actually quite indecisive in that regard. Says he doesn't know yet, doesn't really have a place or a major in mind. Plenty of time to think on that.

You want to get this over with, nonetheless. It only gets worse when you arrive at your destination -- one of those places you would never even think about going to yourself, where everything in the building looks like it costs a fortune, down to the tablecloths and curtains. It makes you uncomfortable. And oh, oh no, the menu doesn't even have prices listed next to the options, one of those places. You're tense.

You almost feel kind of guilty, even. All you did was write a copy-paste sort of letter. Was that really worth this...?

In contrast to your unease, he's very calm and relaxed. You're pretty sure there's no way he doesn't notice how tense and uneasy you are, but he doesn't say anything about it, just keeps talking. He knows the owner of this place, actually. You see, he and his father met a decade ago in the such-and-such region (a word you could never hope to pronounce) of such-and-such country (one you've only heard of a few times in your life) at a resort his father was at on a work-related trip and... are you alright?

He finally seems to acknowledge your tension. You give a wavering, forced smile. I'm just not used to something so nice, haha...

He just chuckles. Don't worry about it. I wanted to do something nice for you, after all.

The words themselves are perfectly innocent, kind even, but there's something in his tone of voice, the way he says it, that makes you hold back a shudder. It's just so, so unbearably uncomfortable. You force another smile.

You get the cheapest-sounding thing you can think of, but of course he notices that -- really, don't worry about it, get whatever you want -- and after a bit more pressuring (almost like he wants you to get something expensive or something), you go a step up and get something that sounds like middle-ground. You're just grateful he can't have them bring out expensive wine or something, since he's not quite old enough for your region.

He talks like someone far beyond his years, in the sense that he's like one of those (usually, they'd be middle-aged, not a high schooler) men that seem to know everything about everything, are well-versed in knowledge of this or that place and the quality and make or origin place of everything in the room. You just try to listen, let him do the talking, hope it'll be over soon. You hope no one you know sees this, that you don't get spotted in some horrible coincidence that someone else happened to be here at the same time... people might think this was something... weird.

You keep up the same casual conversing as you leave, as you get back in the car (was that poor guy just waiting in the parking lot this entire time? He hasn't moved from the space he let you out in...), about this or that. Little things about the school, classes, the future. All the way back, until you see your place in sight, a quite welcome relief.

...But you feel like you need to say... something, before you leave. There's a lingering thought in the back of your mind.

As per norms, the conversation begins to close as the car slows. That sort of conclusive tone, well, it's been wonderful, that sort of thing. You get out, he gets out, walks you to your door, saying something about how he's sure you have a lot to do before Monday, so he'll leave you to it, thanks you for your time, hopes you enjoyed yourself, all the usual... But you voice your concern, slightly cutting him off, feeling it necessary.

Hey, ah, by the way... um...

He pauses. Tilts his head, raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to speak. You swallow.

Ah, don't take this the wrong way, but... don't mention this to anyone, alright? I just... I wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea.

He doesn't get offended, nor does he seem amused or anything. He just smiles and nods. Of course. No worries.

You're glad he understands. You bid him goodbye, say you'll see him next week, go inside and practically collapse on your bed. Ugh. The whole ordeal was exhausting.

It feels sort of relieving, but odd at the same time that he just sort of... leaves it at that. Doesn't mention it again aside from once, a very basic 'it was great seeing you' the next Monday, and then just sort of... returns to normal, for the rest of the week. Doesn't say a thing. Though, you do find yourself making eye contact with him more in class, he always seems to be looking directly at you. He always gives you one of those warm, closed-eye smiles when you gazes meet.

It's not until the following Thursday that something happens that's a bit... off-putting.

School let out for the day twenty minutes ago, most of the kids have left, and you also intend to leave as soon as you print a few things off. You make your way to the printer they have towards the front office, get what you need, head back to your room.

As you approach your door, you catch a familiar face coming down the hall. She raises a hand up as she sees you. Hello, Ms ____. Gives you a warm smile.

You haven't really spent that much time around Ayaka, you only ever had her in one class, but she's much like her brother in the fact that she's generally well-liked by everyone, on account of having a very pleasant, kind nature.

You smile back, unable to really wave since your hands are full. Oh, you're still here?

She says yes, that she merely forgot something and went back to go get it before leaving. A casual exchange like any other. But you figure it would be odd if you didn't mention the other day, you should probably acknowledge it, for the sake of social norms if nothing else.

Oh, and by the way, sorry you couldn't be there the other day. It's fine, I know you had other stuff going on. Tell your brother thanks again for me!

She's silent for a moment. She blinks, still smiling, but she tilts her head.

Hm? Sorry, what do you...?

A moment ticks by. A second. A third.

You shake your head, giving an awkward chuckle. Oh, nothing, sorry, I got something mixed up for a second there... A-anyway, ah, well, you have a great day, okay?

Oh, okay, ah, you too...

You walk off before she can say any more.

....

You don't like the feeling the interaction gives you. You can't get any work done, the rest of the afternoon. Your mind is far too distracted, sorting out all of your thoughts.

He wouldn't outright lie to you, would he? And if so, why?

...Well, you can think of one reason. You're not stupid. But he doesn't seem like the type of kid to be... like that. And besides, there was a valid reason to do something nice, it wasn't as if it was out of the blue. It would be horribly embarrassing, and you'd feel quite guilty, if you accused him of something that wasn't his intention regarding the whole thing. You decide not to say anything at the moment.

And neither does he. She must not have said anything to him, as he doesn't mention anything about his sister, merely greeting you as normal the next day.

Nor does he seem overly attached. You do start to notice that he lingers, after the class is over, will stop by for just a few moments to speak with you just for a moment, a very basic how's your day going sort of thing, before leaving in time to get to his next class. It's a bit odd, but it's not overstepping any boundaries or anything that would be unacceptable. You've formed close, pleasant relationships with students before, those students who just seemed to like you, in a purely normal way. They just particularly like you, and it's nothing more than that. There's no reason to think any differently of him.

He's not trailing you all the time, not smothering you, he's not overbearing. The only other thing you notice is that he often catches you on the way out when you leave for the day. Naturally, he's involved in so many extracurricular activities, that he doesn't leave school at the same time as everyone else, often staying behind for various reasons -- he's the president of some club or another, he's in the student council, so on and so on. Often times, as you're leaving for the day, you hear him call out to you, smiling and making his way over. Says he was just about to leave too. What good timing. He walks you to your car, but he never gets pushy, always bidding you farewell without any trouble or clinginess.

See, if he were acting only on impulse, he certainly would, but he's a very self-controlled, calculated person. He knows not to go overboard, to ensure he doesn't smother you. That would only irritate you, and he can't have that.

And even if he doesn't show it outwardly, he's very, acutely aware of the signals you give off, the subtle messages of the things you say and do. He could tell how uncomfortable you were that day, how awkward you seem to talk to him. But at the same time, it's the kind of discomfort caused not by you disliking him or anything, it's more situational, he can tell that much. Likewise, he can tell it's getting better, you're much more comfortable around him now, whenever he speaks to you.

Although sometimes, he prefers to just watch you from a distance. You're so cute. He's memorized the time of day you eat lunch -- most unfortunately, you were assigned a different lunch period than his classes -- and often he can see you out the window, always eating at the same spot. He enjoys just watching you go about your day, doing all your little tasks and the like.

You do feel odd, as if being watched, sometimes, but a quick glance around shows nothing, so you assume you're just overthinking things, being paranoid. You've been trying to ignore it.

And things just sort of stay like that. There's no gradual increase in the intensity or frequency of his interactions with you. He doesn't get too close, neither physically nor in the social sense. He's always polite, never pushy, always seems to exit conversations just when it's about to cross over the line of being normal for a student who is just very fond of one particular teacher.

He does get you gifts. His family went on a trip for a week, he brings you back some sort of fancy champagne and chocolate made in that country from the trip. But to be fair, Ayaka also brought a little trinket back for every teacher, she's done so more than once in the past in fact, so you figure it's just normal for them... you tell yourself so again when he gets you one of those super expensive watches, around the winter break. How generous. Still, it's no big deal (and you're not sure if you even have much use for it anyway...).

The only other thing you can't shake is the feeling of staring, how you can feel his eyes on you as you stand at the front of the classroom. That odd feeling you get sometimes when he's not around. The way his eyes fixate on you when you're talking with each other. It's all so... odd.

But he never escalates, never does anything inappropriate. So, you don't see any reason to confront him or try to stop him.

Sure, maybe he does have a teacher crush. That seems obvious to you, as time goes on. He does let something slip every now and then. Things that aren't necessarily inappropriate, per se, but the occasional compliment that is obviously not normal for a student to say, things like telling you you look nice that day, that you have such a pleasant voice, that you're just so enjoyable to talk to, with such a sincerity in his voice it goes beyond a casual, normal interaction between two people of your sort of relationship. But even so, if he does, he's self-controlled about it, never goes too far, never does anything warranting having to say something to him about it.

In truth, he realizes that it would never work, that it's not a realistic fantasy, that it's unwise to even consider actually pursuing it. Thus, he's resolved to just enjoy the time with you that he has. He knows better than to let it go too far, to get carried away, and thus never takes things any further. You think that's a very mature way to handle it, if that is in fact the case.

And thus, you just... say nothing. You imagine he knows you know. You're polite and pleasant to him, neither encouraging anything more nor discouraging him in any way. You think it's a good balance.

The months pass. It always teeters on the edge, coming just barely short of the line where, if crossed, you'd feel something needed to be said, but it never is crossed.

About three-fourths of the year passes in total. For those in their final year, as he is, a lot of them are getting anxious, excited, lots of feelings all at once, as they draw nearer to closure on their current "chapter of life", as some call it. Still, they have a while longer to go, but nonetheless a lot are already thinking about the future.

You were anticipating NOT having to handle the year-end events. They rotate which teacher gets assigned to it each year. Some gathering they host at an off-campus venue that goes on all night, a teacher is assigned to essentially stay a while just in case something bad happens needing an ambulance to be called or the like (the requirement for a teacher to be there for a while was implemented after there was such an incident when a kid fell off the side of a staircase a few years back), but the general practice is that said teacher leaves after a while and the kids are left unsupervised... probably for the best, or else said teachers would probably be under legal obligation to report the sheer amount of underage drinking, among other questionable substances being passed around. Besides, it's off-campus and not official, so they don't have to have someone there the whole time.

And you, well, you did it last year. It's a high-energy social event, it's always loud and annoying and you end up leaving with a massive headache, so you were hoping to be spared this year.

He asks you out of the blue one day. You were expecting that maybe, towards the end of the year, he'd try to come spend time with you in some way or another, but you were not anticipating him to ask you to meet outside of school once again... especially not for this.

He comes into your room after classes have ended for the day. Comes straight to you, rather quickly rushing over, visibly excited -- it's endearing, really, whenever he gets excited like that. He's normally essentially forced into an unusual degree of maturity and seriousness, it's cute that even he can have moments where that very energetic, typical teenage-boy type of excitement shines through even still. He smiles and says that he has something to ask you. You’re aware of the event, right?

You say yes, of course, you’ve been to some in the past before… why?

Well...

He smiles. It just so happens that he and his sister volunteered to host the venue, since they have a suitably sized estate and all. His parents agreed to it.

Would you happen to be willing to volunteer as the designated chaperone? It would really make her quite happy.

It's almost like that day, months ago now, that he asked you to go out to eat as thanks; you sort of stare and blink, caught a bit off-guard by it. You try to formulate a response.

Oh, well, ah...

She'd love for you to be there, he adds. Oh, and of course, he would want you there too. But you know, forget him, he wouldn't want to be demanding or anything, he just knows how much she really likes you, and she wanted you to come, so...

It's a bit odd. You really don't know her all that well, you've never really spoken to the girl very much. And considering last time... well, you're not sure what happened there, maybe it was all a mutual misunderstanding. You can give him the benefit of the doubt. You'll be aware and cautious about it, so it's not like you're naively walking into it unaware.

You agree to it. Lots of people will be there, so it's not like he's got you one-on-one, and hey, maybe they'll spare you for several more years after this.

You insist, in the coming days, that you really don't need to be picked up by a driver, you can get there yourself... eventually, he relents and gives up trying to get you to agree to be picked up again. You're not really dreading it, per se, but you're not exactly looking forward to it either. It's a matter of the fact that you'd really enjoy just staying home... but, these two have been good kids over the years, so at least you can feel good knowing you're doing something for them.

You still have to more or less force yourself to get out of bed that day, make your way over there... you were given the passcode to get past the gate. There's a lot more people than you expected... did they bring the entire high school...? It's also very unpleasantly loud. Really loud, the kind of loud where you can physically feel the music vibrate against your chest, can't hear yourself think over how loudly they're talking and yelling as they move around. Sigh. Kids these days.

You don't have to go looking for Ayato. He's already striding up to your the moment you walk up, asks if you had any trouble getting in, more or less immediately starts talking about... well, you're not certain. You can barely hear a word he's saying, both the music and the kids themselves are so loud. And most of them fairly intoxicated too, you're pretty sure he's the only one that isn't... you suppose you'll just have to turn a blind eye and pretend you didn't witness that part, or any of the filled coolers laying around.

He notices your discomfort more or less immediately. Ah, too loud for you? There's a quieter room inside, if you would prefer to go in.

You nod. If it's not too much trouble.

Hm?

I said, if it's not too much... You end up trailing off, shaking your head and not bothering to even try to speak over the noise, just gesturing and letting him take you in. At least the house is a ways away from all their neighbors, the people here all have a lot of land surrounding each house.

It's immediately quieter inside. You're led into a foyer area, then into a hallway... all very empty and quiet. You pass by various rooms, each of which have some purpose or another, additional rooms for various purposes the average house would not include. You reach a staircase headed down. He doesn't say much. You follow behind. You realize you didn't actually run into Ayaka at all... you suppose you'll have to talk to her later.

You end up in a... room. Not a bedroom or a living room or any sort of standard, definable room that the average person has in their home, but rather, some sort of extra lounge room in the basement. It's not the sort of average damp, cold, grey sort of basement, no, they have the whole thing furnished, there's a huge TV, a fridge, carpet, and so on... and it's completely devoid of people. Empty. When he said there was a quieter place inside, you were still assuming that meant that there would be other people, not an empty room... at least it is quiet. You can still sort of hear the noise outside, but it's all muffled.

He doesn’t seem bothered by it. So loud out there, it's much better in here right? Nice and quiet. Do you want something to drink? Hang on, there’s bottled water over there in the fridge, he’ll get you one. He’s moving and talking rather fast, you can barely get a word in – you can’t help but wonder if it’s intentional, to prevent you from saying anything, and if likewise he’s moving around so much to prevent you from speaking to you directly.

Go ahead, sit down wherever you like…

…You know it’s too much. You shouldn’t be doing this, allowing it. But it’s peaceful in here, whereas out there… and you only have to stay here a short while, right? That’s how it always goes, the teachers are just there arbitrarily to ensure it doesn’t seem completely without supervision, no one actually needs you to be out there. He probably just wants to talk to you some more.

You sit, but very tensely, body rigid and ready to stand back up at any moment. It would also, of course, be rather bad if anyone walked in here. You wouldn’t get in too much trouble just by being in the same room alone, but it wouldn’t look good, for sure.

But you also can’t just tell him you want to leave. Not when he comes over smiling as he does, extending his hand to give you your water, that soft, endearing expression.

He’s not doing anything wrong. You would feel awful if you hurt his feelings in some way.

You can just stay a while. Yes, that will work. Just stay another hour or so, entertain conversation with him, excuse yourself and say you have to head home. You can even get up every few ten minutes or so to go check on the crowd of kids, right? Better in here than out there. You trust him not to actually do anything bad.

So you sit there. Stiff and uncomfortable. You’re on a sort of sofa, with you pressed right up against the arm of it, trying not to make it too obvious you’re leaning away, and with him sitting more towards the middle. You try to break the tension. So, have you decided on what you’re doing after graduation yet…?

It’s a good transitional question, it helps get a conversation going. Ah, yes, he’s planning to go to this institution… it wasn’t his first choice on its own, but he decided he wanted to stay somewhat close to home, you know? Still undecided on a field of study, but he has a few things he’s been considering…

You talk for a few more minutes. It goes back and forth, back and forth. He finishes answering one question, but before you can ask another, he asks you one of his own.

What about you?

You tilt your head, give a soft hm?

Oh, he just meant… what are your plans for the future? Didn’t know if you intended to stay here or not, is all.

You shrug. You haven’t really thought about anything other than staying right where you are, really, and unless circumstances pull you elsewhere, you were more or less intending to stay at this school until retirement.

I see.

There’s something off about the tone of his voice. As if that answer was somehow incorrect, as if he has thoughts on it. His expression is rather flat and neutral. You pause. You ask him if something is wrong.

And just like that, he returns to that soft, more pleasant sort of resting smiling expression. Ah, well, no, it’s just, I can’t help but think you must be under a great deal of stress here, you know?

You give a sheepish laugh. Well, it certainly is often sometimes stressful, but you like what you do.

There's a pause.

Do you have any other passions and hobbies, outside of work? I was just thinking, you probably don't get a great deal of time to work on them.

To be fair, he's right about that part. You sigh, say yes you do, you list off some of the things you enjoy doing. Haven't had any time to work on them recently though, you add, just too busy. But it's alright, you'll get around to it eventua--

Have you ever considered early retirement?

The question seems to pop up out of nowhere. You raise your eyebrows. Huh?

He doesn't seem deterred by your confusion. In fact, he seems like he really wants to bring up the matter, almost as if he's been waiting to do so. Leans forward, elbows on his thighs, interlacing his fingers.

It would be ideal if you had the financial support, right? Perhaps you should consider it. You're so very busy, it must be incredibly stressful, it's really not good for you. It leaves you with no time to go out and do things for yourself, no time to meet anyone. If you were able to quiet your job, think about all the things you could do! Surely you have hobbies and passions you'd rather be pursuing, yes? And you probably want a family, no? You'd need to have far more free time for that. Besides, you're really at the age where you should be thinking of settling down and marrying and having children, don't you think?

...He seems to catch himself. His mouth opens again, like he had more to say, but he stops short, goes quiet. Ah... well, never mind that. Uh...

You can see a sheepish unease on his face. He realizes he stepped over that boundary, the line he's been so perfectly teetering on the edge of all these months. For just a moment, it breaks his composure, you see a slight sense of panic in the way his eyebrows furrow, the way he leans back just ever so slightly.

And you, well, it catches you off-guard, almost shocked at the boldness of such a thing to say. Struggling to think of the right words, you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

That's not appropriate.

Maybe you could have worded it differently, but the audacity of saying something so out of line does take you by surprise.

He doesn't react poorly, though. As quickly as his composure broke, so he regains it in the same few seconds.

Ah... my bad. Apologies.

But he pauses. There's a hesitation in his body language, the way his lips part like he's going to speak. Like he knows he shouldn't keep going, but has to, a sort question refrained from asking for so long that the urge is unbearable.

..Just... out of curiosity... would you not want that opportunity if it were extended to you? Because... It's just that...

You stand up. An abrupt motion, it causes him to go silent.

You take a deep breath in, sigh. You shake your head, hold a hand up to your head, rub at your temples.

This has gone too far.

You don't explicitly say out loud what you mean by "this". You don't have to. There's a mutual understanding. You both keep pretending to not know, keep ignoring it and refusing to acknowledge it, but you know it comes as no surprise to him either that you're aware.

There's a silence that follows. He doesn't seem angry or distraught. His eyes go wide for a moment, he looks startled by the suddenness, but his expression goes cold, neutral, eyes slightly narrowing, face otherwise expressionless. But he doesn't say anything.

It's my fault, you add. I allowed this to go on too long.

And you do mean it -- you think back now, you feel guilty. You should have nipped it in the bud sooner. And finally, you finish --

I'm sorry. Really. You're a good kid, you really are. I just... this isn't right of me to be down here. I should go.

You grab the bag you brought with you. You take a step back. The silence is so horribly uncomfortable.

His eyes close. There's an obvious disappointment on his features. He takes a deep breath in and out, but nods.

...I understand. Do you need any help getting to your...?

No, I'm fine. You start to turn away. Thank you, really. I'm... grateful for everything. I just... sorry. This is just how things have to be.

And you leave. You turn, you walk as fast as you can without breaking out into a jog, footsteps rapidly clacking against the hard floors.

You make a beeline back out, ignoring the volume, keeping your head down. Don't stop to talk to anyone -- most of the kids themselves are too intoxicated to notice your presence anyway. You make a straight path for home. You realize you never did get to go see his sister... but you get the sense she probably didn't even know you were there in the first place, much less was the one that wanted you there.

You feel ridiculous for shedding tears over the matter, but you can't help it, as you lie there in bed after getting home. You don't bother to eat or shower, merely crawling under your covers as you feel your eyes water. It's all so uncomfortable and unfortunate, and frankly, you feel horribly guilty. You had opportunities to stop it, you probably should have. Now you probably hurt the poor thing. And how are you going to handle seeing him again from now on? It's all so much, it's overwhelming... you wipe your eyes, trying to blink the accumulated water away before it actually starts to run down your face. You resolve to try and rest now... you can handle everything when the morning comes. You can't take anymore tonight.

...

...Well, that certainly did not go over well.

He normally doesn't like to be particularly dramatic, but it would be a lie to say he didn't more or less feel like he's been stabbed in the chest. Ugh. He ends up slouching back, laying down and staring at the ceiling... now that racket from outside is starting to sound even more annoying.

He wasn't expecting much, granted. Knowing it was unrealistic, he tried to push away indulgent fantasies where it went perfectly, like some sort of cheesy pornography plot... although maybe he should have gone with the original plan to give you alcohol, that would have worked better... he wasn't dumb enough to take you to a bedroom, but still, this couch is very wide, it would have worked just fine... ugh. No, no, this is the exact type of unrealistic fantasy he was referring to. Never mind that.

He really, really, really didn't want to have to do this. To do something that hurts you. But you're being so difficult. He's been so nice to you, and he's been so careful to hold himself back, to not be overbearing. And yet, this is what he gets in return for all that time and effort spent. Did you not even comprehend what you're being offered?

No, of course you didn't, now that he thinks about it. You were so caught up in recognizing and reacting to any acknowledgement of whatever... thing you have between you is, that you didn't actually stop and think about what he was actually saying. Maybe you will, now. You'll go home, think back over his words, understand exactly what you're turning down. There's no way you would actually reject it, if you're in your right mind and in a steady, stable emotional state. Maybe you'll come back tomorrow and apologize. Surely you won't wait until Monday to speak to him again.

He can forgive that. Yes, even though you were incredibly hurtful, he understands you're just concerned about your perception of social norms and doing the right thing and all. 'This is just how things have to be.' That was what you said. Yes, so you do want it, even if you don't realize it, you're just allowing yourself to be held back by all these... unnecessary outside forces, getting into your mind. He understands how that happens. It's forgivable.

He'll give you one day, then. Rather than acting on the backup plan now. You have twenty-four hours before he actually starts going down that path.

If not, though, well... he can't afford to have this take too long. He's already considered, too, the possibility that you may try to get him in some sort of trouble, too, and he can't have that... so he has to be proactive, and take care of you before you can get him in trouble.

He's already told his parents it may be necessary for them to speak with the school, that he was having some issues with a particular teacher... if he says nothing, they'll just forget about it, but if he brings it up again, adds in some... fabrications, well, they'll surely want a word with administration on his behalf.

In fact, maybe he wouldn't even have to come up with something to accuse you of. Pretty sure his parents donate more money to the school annually than your salary, even. They can afford to lose you easily, might not even take convincing. Blacklist you from the entire region of institutions. And what will you do then? Come crawling back and apologizing? That would be quite nice, actually... but he's not so cruel as to wish that on you.

Regardless, he's sure you're going to come around, once you're convinced to reconsider. Maybe an opportunity isn't quite enough. What you need is a little push.

#.ay #lena's asks

[delta-queerdrant]

where are your troubles now? forgotten? (Resistance, s2 e12)

(POV you’re watching the Barbie intro but it’s Star Trek screenwriters. Please indulge me.)

Once, in another century, there was a show called Star Trek Voyager. (Cue 2001: A Space Odyssey music.) A lady and two dudes created it. Occasionally other ladies cowrote episodes. But by the time Season Two rolled around, there were not so many ladies. Actually there was just Jeri Taylor, and by god she tried. But one lady cannot be all things to all people.

Then in November 1995, a great miracle happened. A new lady was hired to write a teleplay. It was fresh, inventive! Something was happening!

Her name was (music crescendos)

L I S A K L I N K

I don’t know much about Lisa Klink, except that “Resistance” marks the beginning of her multi-season involvement in Voyager, and that she was a five-time Jeopardy winner. (I do not watch Jeopardy, I would not be good at Jeopardy, but Jeopardy people are nevertheless my people.) Mostly I know that I turned on “Resistance” and, despite my general disinterest in the show’s production history, immediately asked: who the FUCK wrote this?

“Resistance” is not a perfect episode, but after half a season of flailing, it is a revelation. Klink, writing the script for a story by Michael Jan Friedman and Kevin J. Ryan, has a clear vision of what Voyager can be - a show that’s grounded, emotionally resonant, and trusts its actors. 

I am partial to the gritty, Blade Runner-inflected, Firefly/BSG brand of science fiction television, so when we started in media res, our heroes in civvies doing deals in an outdoor market, I died and went to cyberpunk heaven. (Neelix’s coat alone is worth the price of entry.) Instead of swanning across the galaxy like tourists in a slightly under-resourced cruise ship, the Voyager gang are finally the scrappy underdogs they ought to be.

This is our second Janeway episode of the season, and the first episode, perhaps of the series, that really gives her a character mandate beyond “strong but feminine captain who loves her dog.” Mulgrew has her work cut out for her, acting against JOEL FUCKING GREY, but they’re both marvelous. Waking in the home of the enigmatically batty Caylem (in a claustrophobic sequence whose stagey absurdism recalls a Beckett play), Janeway slowly grows to understand that Caylem, who’s decided she’s his daughter, might be her best ally for escape. The growing emotional connection between the two is so tender and understated; as a writer, Klink has mastered the light touch.

Janeway and Caylem end up collaborating with the local resistance movement to rescue Torres and Tuvok, who have been imprisoned by the lawful evil overlords of this world. Our characters genuinely feel like they are in big trouble! Torres and Tuvok’s prison stint is rough. (I did enjoy B’Elanna’s beatnik dissident prison garb. She looks like it is approximately 1956 and she is a French student who has been arrested for throwing a baguette at a cop.)

The only weak sequence is the prison break itself, which feels too easy and relies on a tired “sex worker disguise” subterfuge. But the ending is so satisfying and will break your heart.

Once Janeway’s back in uniform, it feels like we’ve truly been on a journey, one that brings to mind iconic episodes like “The Inner Light.” Voyager is a long way from home, and I want these characters to go through transformative experiences. The boldness of this episode gets us a little bit of the way there.

A radical reimagining of Voyager, and the best episode of season two in my estimation. I award this one 4.5/5 melon hats.

#star trek #star trek voyager #janeway #LISA KLINK #joel fucking grey!!!

[absolutebl]

Recs for Uni or HS BLs where studying impacts plot

My ask box is bonkers, sometimes I get a message in email saying someone asked a question and then when I check on the hellsite itself, it's gone... (What does this MEAN?)

Anygay...

@sagi-kari asked a question:

Do you have any recs for Uni or HS BLs where the main focus is studying or study related (they have to actually do the thing). Like LITA with Rain's studies being a caveat to their relationship or Big Dragon with Mangkorn's New York internship/job idr.

Basically, the study needs to be an important thing to the narrative.

This is a doozie and I'm only gonna rec stuff I rated over 8/10

University & HS BL Revolving Around Study

Semantic Error - class conflict is the inciting event, and this is one of my favorite BLs of all time. So yeah, it tops the list. I am assuming you have watched it because EVERYONE must watch this little pice of perfect. Full review here.

Blueming - the school project is the source of the conflict, this is a complicated chewy very thoughtful BL, longer than normal for Korea. If you enjoy things like The 8th Sense you might like this. Full review here.

Love Class - the whole show is about a manufactured relationship as part of a social science class experiment. Full review here.

You Make Me Dance - I mean it's a dance major so no actual book study but yeah, it's there he has to win a dance scholarship as a main part of the plot. I've never done a full review of this, and frankly that's an oversite. Time for a rewatch?

HIStory 2: Right or Wrong - it's about a teacher student relationship so...

Addicted: Heroin - especially the first half, I know what you're thinking, but also, THINK about it. It's all within a class from environment for most of the first 6 eps. I believe it counts. This is, without question, the best BL China has ever produced. FIGHT ME.

Destiny Seeker - an under appreciated pulp that is basically predicated on the university sorting hat. I have great affection for this hot mess, including all the sides. Mostly takes place within and around the complexities of dorm life. Full review here.

Kiss Me Again series (BL cut) + Dark Blue Kiss (AKA the PeteKao series staring TayNew) - it's not necessarily a driver but engineering and study is actual integral in a setting as character kind of way. And there is a lot of "make-out while studying." Plus we in the TayNew renauances and I have great affection for their original series. Everyoen shoudl watch it. Here's the watch guide.

HS BL - not exactly study, but sorta & they really good

Light On Me - Another one of my absolute favorite BLs, but it's about the school government club, not actual study. Full review here.

Love Sick - if you count club activities. I just got a full load up of this series with new subs, so I was going to do a watch along in honor of 2024 (its 10th anniversary). I am still considering it.

My School President - also, if you count extra-curricular & club activities. Another BL that i absolutely adore. No full review but I did have a long discussion on how this plays into Thailand's new norm in BL here.

Takara & Amagi - ugh I love this show so much but it's more about popularity and social acceptance in HS than studing, full review here.

About Youth - if you count external parental pressure to over achieve, another underappreciated gem, this time for Taiwan. Full review here.

I dithered...

Bad Buddy - maybe, I mean departmental conflict is a large part of the story, plus high school back story club activities, but there is very little study. Full review here.

Please feel free to add more on a RP or in comments, but remember my codicil was I have to have personally rated it over 8/10 so your baby might not be on here because it wasn't to my personal taste.

(source)

#university set bl #high school set bl #bl that actually involves studying #recommended bl #Korean bl #Semantic Error #Blueming #Love Class #You Make Me Dance #Light On Me #Taiwanese BL #HIStory 2: Right or Wrong #About Youth #Chinese BL #Addicted: Heroin #Thai BL #Destiny Seeker #Dark Blue Kiss #TayNew #Love Sick #My School president #Japanese BL #Takara and Amagi #Bad Buddy

[luninosity]

Not a friend/follower/mutual and I haven't lived in Tartu in years but I spent my youth there and adore the town!

I used to spend all my time at Ruunipizza (restaurant), which is very close to the town hall and university and used to be decent, cheap and have plenty vegetarian options. But that was years ago and very much a place for students to go and hang out at, so Idk if that's something

Me and my American friends also liked La Dolce Vita for pizza back then. There's also a great place for cake opposite the university called Werner and the Gunpowder Cellar is a pretty cool pub.

In my opinion, the most important attraction in Tartu is the giant wooden swing (külakiik) in Supilinn but that might be personal preference. I am also a big fan of the AHAA keskus (science exhibition with planetarium) and I believe the museum of toys (mänguasjamuuseum) is a hidden gem if you have some time to spare. There is also a botanical garden in Tartu that I liked to hang out at. Sometimes they even have special activities; I remember building a bird house for winter there once :)

Definitely try to catch some folk music and/or dancing performance while you're in Estonia, they're really special!

I am taking notes about food recommendations! Cake is always good! And the Gunpowder Cellar looks fascinating! (Who wouldn't want to have a drink in, well, an ancient gunpowder cellar? Sign this history nerd up :D :D )

We have managed to get ballet tickets, as well! I am hoping I will have some time around conference panels to go exploring; the weather should be nice enough in May, right? Not too cold? Awesome Husband will probably also do some exploring without me, too. (He likes sci-fi, but he is not an academic - an engineer, instead! - so being in a room full of scholars Loudly Discussing the scholarship of science fiction is not entirely his thing, at least not for four days worth! He'll come to my panel though.)

For anyone wondering, we shall be in Tartu, Estonia in early May - around the 7th-11th! For the International Science Fiction Research Association Conference, at the university.

We've never been to Estonia, so we are excited! We're actually flying into Helsinki a day (and a night) early and spending a day in Finland, because we have also not been there, and then taking the ferry over. :D :D

#estonia #travel #yay friends! #if you're nearby come say hi! #finland #science fiction #sfra

[continuations]

Thinking About AI

I am writing this post to organize and share my thoughts about the extraordinary progress in artificial intelligence over the last years and especially the last few months (link to a lot of my prior writing). First, I want to come right out and say that anyone still dismissing what we are now seeing as a "parlor trick" or a "statistical parrot" is engaging in the most epic goal post moving ever. We are not talking a few extra yards here, the goal posts are not in the stadium anymore, they are in a far away city.

Growing up I was extremely fortunate that my parents supported my interest in computers by buying an Apple II for me and that a local computer science student took me under his wing. Through him I found two early AI books: one in German by Stoyan and Goerz (I don't recall the title) and Winston and Horn's "Artifical Intelligence." I still have both of these although locating them among the thousand or more books in our home will require a lot of time or hopefully soon a highly intelligent robot (ideally running the VIAM operating system -- shameless plug for a USV portfolio company). I am bringing this up here as a way of saying that I have spent a lot of time not just thinking about AI but also coding on early versions and have been following closely ever since.

I also pretty early on developed a conviction that computers would be better than humans at a great many things. For example, I told my Dad right after I first learned about programming around age 13 that I didn't really want to spend a lot of time learning how to play chess because computers would certainly beat us at this hands down. This was long before a chess program was actually good enough to beat the best human players. As an aside, I have changed my mind on this as follows: Chess is an incredible board game and if you want to learn it to play other humans (or machines) by all means do so as it can be a lot of fun (although I still suck at it). Much of my writing both here on Continuations and in my book is also based on the insight that much of what humans do is a type of computation and hence computers will eventually do it better than humans. Despite that there will still be many situations where we want a human instead exactly because they are a human. Sort of the way we still go to concerts instead of just listening to recorded music.

As I studied computer science both as an undergraduate and graduate student, one of the things that fascinated me was the history of trying to use brain like structures to compute. I don't want to rehash all of it here, but to understand where we are today, it is useful to understand where we have come from. The idea of modeling neurons in a computer as a way to build intelligence is quite old. Early electromechanical and electrical computers started getting built in the 1940s (e.g. ENIAC was completed in 1946) and the early papers on modeling neurons can be found from the same time in work by McCulloch and Pitts.

But almost as soon as people started working on neural networks more seriously, the naysayers emerged also. Famously Marvin Minsky and Seymour Paper wrote a book titled "Perceptrons" that showed that certain types of relatively simple neural networks had severe limitations, e.g. in expressing the XOR function. This was taken by many at the time as evidence that neural networks would never amount to much, when it came to building computer intelligence, helping to usher in the first artificial intelligence winter.

And so it went for several cycles. People would build bigger networks and make progress and others would point out the limitations of these networks. At one time people were so disenchanted that very few researchers were left in the field altogether. The most notable of these was Geoffrey Hinton who kept plugging away at finding new training algorithms and building bigger networks.

But then a funny thing happened. Computation kept getting cheaper and faster and memory became unfathomably large (my Apple II for reference had 48KB of storage on the motherboard and an extra 16KB in an extension card). That made it possible to build and train much larger networks. And all of a sudden some tasks that had seemed out of reach, such as deciphering handwriting or recognizing faces started to work pretty well. Of course immediately the goal post moving set in with people arguing that those are not examples of intelligence. I am not trying to repeat any of the arguments here because they were basically silly. We had taken a task that previously only humans could do and built machines that could do them. To me that's, well, artificial intelligence.

The next thing that we discovered is that while humans have big brains with lots of neurons in them, we can use only a tiny subset of our brain on highly specific tasks, such as playing the game of Go. With another turn of size and some further algorithmic breakthroughs all of a sudden we were able to build networks large enough to beat the best human player at Go. And not just beat the player but do so by making moves that were entirely novel. Or as we would have said if a human had made those moves "creative." Let me stay with this point of brain and network size for moment as it will turn out to be crucial shortly. A human Go player not only can only use a small part of their brain to play the game but the rest of their brain is actually a hindrance. It comes up with pesky thoughts at just the wrong time "Did I leave the stove on at home?" or "What is wrong with me that I didn't see this move coming, I am really bad at this" and all sorts of other interference that a neural network just trained to play Go does not have to contend with. The same is true for many other tasks such as reading radiology images to detect signs of cancer.

The other thing that should have probably occurred to us by then is that there is a lot of structure in the world. This is of course a good thing. Without structure, such as DNA, life wouldn't exist and you wouldn't be reading this text right now. Structure is an emergent property of systems and that's true for all systems, so structure is everywhere we look including in language. A string of random letters means nothing. The strings that mean something are a tiny subset of all the possible letter strings and so unsurprisingly that tiny subset contains a lot of structure. As we make neural networks bigger and train them better they uncover that structure. And of course that's exactly what that big brain of ours does too.

So I was not all that surprised when large language models were able to produce text that sounded highly credible (even when it was hallucinated). Conversely I found the criticism from some people that making language models larger would simply be a waste of time confounding. After all, it seems pretty obvious that more intelligent species have, larger brains than less intelligent ones (this is obviously not perfectly correlated). I am using the word intelligence here loosely in a way that I think is accessible but also hides the fact that we don't actually have a good definition of what intelligence is, which is what has made the goal post moving possible.

Now we find ourselves confronted with the clear reality that our big brains are using only a fraction of their neurons for most language interactions. The word "most" is doing a lot of work here but bear with me. The biggest language models today are still a lot smaller than our brain but damn are they good at language. So the latest refuge of the goal post movers is the "but they don't understand what the language means." But is that really true?

As is often the case with complex material, Sabine Hossenfelder, has a great video that helps us think about what it means to "understand" something. Disclosure: I have been supporting Sabine for some time via Patreon. Further disclosure: Brilliant, which is a major advertiser on Sabine's channel, is a USV portfolio company. With this out of the way I encourage you to watch the following video.

So where do I think we are? At a place where for fields where language and/or two dimensional images let you build a good model, AI is rapidly performing at a level that exceeds that of many humans. That's because the structure it uncovers from the language is the model. We can see this simply by looking at tests in those domains. I really liked Bryan Caplan's post where he was first skeptical based on an earlier version performing poorly on his exams but the latest version did better than many of his students. But when building the model requires input that goes beyond language and two dimensional images, such as understanding three dimensional shapes from three dimensional images (instead of inferring them from two dimensional ones) then the currently inferred models are still weak or incomplete. It seems pretty clear though that progress in filling in those will happen at a breathtaking pace from here.

Since this is getting rather long, I will separate out my thoughts on where we are going next into more posts. As a preview, I believe we are now at the threshold to artificial general intelligence, or what I call "neohumans" in my book The World After Capital. And even if that takes a bit longer, artificial domain specific intelligence will be outperforming humans in a great many fields, especially ones that do not require manipulating the world with that other magic piece of equipment we have: hands with opposable thumbs. No matter what the stakes are now extremely high and we have to get our act together quickly on the implications of artificial intelligence.

#artificial intelligence #ai

[queerprayers]

hello! i was wondering if you could expand on what you said about “evangelical christian homeschool survivors”. i found it interesting, since i’m close with quite a few people who fit that description, but never thought of it as something that harmful to someone

(i understand that you aren’t a professional source, for lack of a better term, but i would appreciate your thoughts! i hope you have a blessed and lovely day <3)

(re: this post)

Yes I can, beloved! And yep, I'm not a psychologist/researcher/etc., and also have not personally experienced this, but I've been close to people who have, and have heard a lot about it, so I'll give you what I have. This is USA-centric, as usual, because that's where my experience/knowledge comes from.

I do want to make clear that homeschooling is not in itself a bad thing, and there are many people, especially neurodivergent/disabled people, who have benefited immensely from being able to partially or fully have more freedom over their environment. Especially considering the state of the school system in some places, I don't blame any parent for wanting their kid to have a different experience. And looking at recent events like the "Don't Say Gay" bill in Florida, the importance of having a legal way to not send your child to a public school is, I think, important. Autonomy is a human right, and the origins of modern homeschooling were full of liberating ideas.

My sister was homeschooled for a year in elementary school, and it gave her a much needed break and an opportunity to explore learning techniques that worked better for her neurodivergences. When I dropped out of high school, we did consider finishing through homeschooling instead, and even though it didn't work out, if I was in a different situation it would have been a great opportunity. One of the girls I babysit is trans, and her identity is one of the reasons her parents don't feel comfortable sending her to a public school here.

Obviously if a family is religious and homeschooling, religion may play a part in education, just like if a student attended a religious private school. This also in itself is not a bad thing, in my opinion. Passing on tradition and morals to kids and educating your kid about your heritage and beliefs can be a really positive thing. I can totally see incorporating Christian ideas in an education without disrupting the education—for instance, a science lesson about the environment which includes the belief that God made the world and we have a duty to take care of it. It becomes a problem when the belief eclipses the science, I suppose (like creationism)—or when children aren't exposed to diverse ideas.

I don't think people realize how lax a lot of homeschooling laws are in the US. It's completely state-based, so I don't know how it is everywhere, but where I am it was insanely easy to take my sister out of school and, because my parents have high school degrees, basically say, "Trust me, we got this" and proceed to teach her whatever. Because my parents are generally sensible, intelligent people, and have experience in education, it went fine and she was prepared to go to the next grade, but I can't help wondering what would have happened if they weren't.

Because of that freedom, there are a lot of evangelicals/conservatives in the US who have taken their kids out of public schools (sometimes citing "evil secular gay agendas" and the like) and proceeded to teach their kids whatever—"whatever," in this case, being conspiracy theories, fundamentalism instead of science, patriarchal/racist/etc. social norms, and censorship/limited access to diversity of identity/opinion and actual history. You can find endless Christian homeschool resources online that are full of truly limiting and just plain wrong teachings, especially in regards to history and science.

There are numerous examples of going even further than this—someone I knew never went into too much detail (I gathered it was too traumatic to discuss), but did share experiences with me of an evangelical homeschool co-op (multiple families cooperating to homeschool their children together) that used emotionally and physically abusive punishments as well as all the normal brainwashing and manipulation, with zero supervision or consequences. There are so many examples of abused children not receiving help for so long because they were completely isolated from their peers and other adults, partially through homeschooling, and so were not noticed and weren't able to seek help.

It's a complicated situation, because I don't think homeschooling is ultimately the issue here. Lack of supervision is an issue, but ultimately the fault lies with the belief systems themselves. Obviously we can't stop people from believing things—public education and exposure to different beliefs is in my opinion one of the best tools we have to help kids get out these communities and become better people, and when that's taken away, of course these kids grow up either believing exactly what their parents believe, or completely traumatized and spending the rest of their lives deconstructing and undoing the damage.

Again, the idea of homeschooling a child and incorporating Christianity into that isn't inherently bad/traumatic, and while I think lack of exposure to diverse beliefs is harmful, Christian homeschooling can include that exposure and I'm sure it can be done very well. But there's so much abuse, neglect, radicalism, excessive control, and grooming that goes under the radar in these families/communities, and we have to talk about it! I don't know if I'm the best person to do that, but maybe I can help start a conversation or make people aware of the issue.

Some relevant articles/resources: (Content warnings for descriptions of abuse and related issues)

How Christian Schools and Homeschooling Teach Supremacist Conspiracies by Audrey Clare Farley (Ms. Magazine)

The Homeschool Apostates by Kathryn Joyce (The American Prospect)

Former homeschooler on the Duggar family's horrifying fundamentalist "education": "It's literal rape culture" by Jenny Kutner (Salon)

Traumatic Homeschooling: How Evangelicals Use Education to Totalize by R.K. Stollar

"I broke away from a strict homeschooling community cult" (BBC)

A warning on homeschooling by Elizabeth Bartholet (The Harvard Gazette)

Coalition for Responsible Home Education

Kitchen Table Cult (podcast)

Homeschooling: Indoctrination or Liberation? by Andrewism (YouTube)

Homeschooling by Ex-Fundie Diaries (YouTube playlist)

r/Homeschool Recovery (has a ton of discussions and testimonials)

<3 Johanna

#asks #abuse mention #edit: yes feel free to put your own experiences in the notes!

[ash-rabbit]

Everyone has a different 'scariest' episode of TMA, but none have filled me with horror as much as MAG 118 had.

It's not the threat of Elias or the choir of skin puppets that turned my stomach.

It's Martin Blackwood.

Martin and his wanton destruction of historical documents. Albrecht's letter in particular.

Below is just a vent about that letters possible research significance and why it's destruction is devastating from like a small scale. Information Science people could probably say it a lot better, but it is 2 am and still thinking about that.

Working off the assumption that the letter is the Schwartzwald statement Mag 23, well-

It's devastating. Albrecht's letter actually operates as an excellent primary source within the world of Magnus as a study on cursed books. Leitner's library was a known and infamous variable within the supernatural community, and Albrecht's library was essentially a precursor to it.

I'd also like to point out that MAG 53 also offered up another source of cursed libraries and the foul fates of their caretakers

And MAG 127 is a follow up to MAG 23, further reaffirming the assumptions made in 53 regarding the fates of failed archivists.

Even if that's a completely unrelated letter, it was stored in the archive because it was considered relevant for future researchers, archives don't just hoard every gossipy letter, those would go into a separate collection based in the library if anything.

And all of these related statements are all in English, which is kind of insane? So maybe I'm bitter that I've had to change multiple thesis' due to a lack of relevant primary sources, but Albrecht is such a pivotal lore character in universe.

My uni makes history students attend a seminar on how to handle materials from archives and rare book libraries, and the librarian promised great violence on those who would use a stapler or pen anywhere near those texts.

So really, Martin got off incredibly easy for purposefully destroying an invaluable record. Irregardless of sentiment, I think Jonah under reacted. In that situation I think Jonah Magnus would have been more justified in brutal pipe murdering a man then he had with Jurgen Leitner.

There is nothing inherently evil about knowledge, about books and records. The ethics lie within the acquisition of said knowledge, it's usage, and what it's destruction represents.

#the magnus archives #martin blackwood #tma #mag 118 #I can't listen to 118 without being filled with nausea and an unreasonable amount of anger #I was devastated at the lack of diverse secondary and primary papers regarding translatio (christian reliquary theft) so yeah I'm bitter #I needed ten sources for a 300 course. Destruction of mag 23 is the loss of three possible sources. Since you lose the case for alexandria #2am posting means the anxiety is drowned out by poor impulse control #Feel free to discourse. But like. Nothing you say will convince me that Martin's actions were justifiable in that instance #martin negativity #i guess? #I'm not dragging Martin here. But I fundamentally disagree with his course of action

[corpsoir]

hi!!! do you have any books about archaeology you like? i’m a biology student and id love to learn more about your field :-)

YESSSS omg this is such a fun question!!

okay so! right now my absolute favourite book is Bog bodies - face to face with the past by Melanie Giles! the title gives it away but its about bog bodies, so if human remains freak you out that might be a little bit hard to read. its really good! giles breaks it all down into very understandable chunks and explains everything from what a bog body is to how the chemicals in the bog affect soft tissues and so on its so cool!

im putting the rest under a read more because this got a little bit long haha

one of my favourite books that was part of my first course in archaeology is The Human Past by Chris Scarre, its like a brick just filled to the brim with stuff. since its very broad in the way that it tries to encapsulate all of humanity's history i wouldnt say its the best if youre looking to read in depth about a specific culture or time period but it offers an okay sort of "way in" to archaeology as a field. a similar book which we also used in that first course is Ancient Scandinavia by Douglas Price. it is (as you could probably guess) about scandinavian history and archaeology. also really good beginners book about the history of scandinavia, lots of fun stuff to read there, but i know my professors have criticised it a little bit because of some errors here and there.

and then two other great books are Archaeology matters - action archaeology in the modern world by Jeremy Sabloff and Archaeological Thinking - how to make sense of the past by Charles Orser.

these are just some books that we used in our first archaeology course at uni (plus the bog body one im using for my thesis rn). since i study in sweden however i feel like its important to note that these books are mostly relevant for european archaeology, and we use this literature to complement the other things we learn about how archaeology is applied in the real world in sweden specifically. i am by no means an expert, i havent finished my degree yet (im finishing my bachelors in june!!), plus i only really feel comfortable with talking about northern european archaeology since thats what i study! i dont know a lot about how archaeology works in other parts of the world. just like us humans it differs quite a lot, which of course is very exciting and also a good thing! :) even in my neighbouring country denmark the archaeology works WILDLY different there, i was actually kinda shocked about how they handle cultural heritage and archaeology there lol

other than that i would honestly say that the best way to learn more about archaeology is visit local museums and talk to the people who work there and ask if they have any tips on literature, maybe check out their museum shop for books etc, and also most importantly!! read research being published today! if youre already used to reading academic research, archaeological articles are usually pretty easy to understand. the journal nature also often publishes popular science articles on their website, and these articles are pretty much shortened versions of dry boring research articles and slightly more digestible for the non-archaeologist HFDSGHSDGDS

as an end note; borrow books from your local library!!!

#i can talk about archaeology for days can you tell. #sorry for the 5 million miles long post #archaeology #ignore any misspellings etc im typing quickly hfdkjghdfkj #ask

[tannieastrology]

Ranting about my crush

This is gonna be a long rant so be prepared! I’m gonna start by telling you our placements.

He is a Gemini Rising, Cancer Sun, Capricorn Moon, Leo Venus, Virgo Mars

I am a Libra Rising, Aquarius sun, Scorpio Moon, Capricorn Venus, Gemini Mars

So about three or four years ago in 6th grade I had met him in school because we had a class together for history. At first sight I never really thought much of him. He wasn’t my type (he’s very short) and we never talked much. He was just any other boy I knew in class and I remember actually liking an upperclassman at the time.

A year later in 7th grade the feelings for the upperclassman went away and I was crush-free. Me and him joined crosscountry for the first semester and we started talking a little more. It wasn’t much, I mean, I can only remember talking to him like 3 or 4 times, but everytime we talked he was always harsh and sarcastic. Maybe it was because I was a top athlete and student at the time so maybe he was bitter because he was struggling in athletics? I’m not sure because honestly, I’m still trynna figure that out. He was always supportive when I ran though and I can remember the times when he used to cheer me on. We had no classes together and we were not important to each others lives at all. Thats all I can remember from our interactions that year.

Now the third year, which was 8th grade last year, was when things started to change. I had about four classes with him and we also had extracurriculars outside of school like choir and athletics. I used to talk to his friends and they used to tease me a lot because thats just how we talk to each other. I guess he saw I was comfortable with their bickering so he got in on it and now, that’s our regular way of talking because that’s how we bonded. Our relationship is weird to say the least. Its like provoking the other gives a certain satisfaction. The constant insults, the competitiveness, the jokes, and time spent together all eventually made me fall for him. It wasnt until my birthday in January that made me realize I liked him. No happy birthday came through from him, but then again, we’re not close. After that, everything he did started to do upset me. It made me wonder. Why does he talk to me like that? Does he hate me? Or do I hurt his ego? It was just that he actually started to insult me and started to make sterotypical racist jokes even when I asked him countless of times to stop. Cause I’m Indian and he’s Vietnamese right, so he thought it was okay to make those types of jokes because he’s asian too. The fact that I like him made me more sensitive to what he said compared to other people. Because he never talks to anyone else like that and we werent even that close for him to be talking to me in that way. Each day my mood depended on how he talked to me. I got obsessed and I used to zone out wondering if he liked me back. What made everything more complicated was that he liked 2 other girls. The first girl was my friend. They liked each other in 6th grade but they were too shy to approach each other. When 7th grade came around he started liking the 2nd girl. He was really down bad for the second girl and still is. My friend had asked him out during the first semester but he said no because he like the 2nd girl more. Throughout the year all of our laughs and bickering eventually had alot of people shipping us including my science teacher because they think we have a enemies to lovers relationship. All I can say is that he had me on edge. Ive never felt this strongly about anyone before. He was nice one day when he needed answers and then the next day he was back to annoying me. I’m not gonna lie sometimes it was really cute but a majority of the times he crossed the line. So much happened within the year that I cant even explain everything but all I know is that I’m down bad.

Now freshman year has rolled around. I have no classes with him which is great because I’m trying to move on but its not working. The girl he’s liked for three years got asked out by his best friend to homecoming and I’m sitting here hoping for more. In the summer I talked to him over text and told him to back off the insults which clearly didnt work. I tried to ignore him and be nice to him so many times but he always comes back and bothers me. And this bitch always stares at me so intensely like he wants to kill me. Its frustrating that he got me stuck in this endless loop of mind games. I dont know how things are gonna end up. Ive held this in for so long I just needed to let it out. Thank you for listening.

Heres the synastry and composite chart in case yall want to see. He’s blue and I am red

I’d love to hear about your story of unrequited crushes! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think of him and why he acts like that!

-Simi

#synastry #crushes #unrequited feelings #sad life #astrology #compatibility

[twstrhythm]

“Huh? You’re talking to me?! Um… Give me a moment please!”

Technical Information:

Name: Xavi Luna Nicknames: Pufferfish (Floyd); Monsieur Hacker (Rook); Xaxa (Ester); Mister Intelligent (Rayan); Scary (Sterling) Voice Actor: Yuto Uemura (Atsushi, BSD)

Biological Information:

Gender: Male Pronouns: He/Him Age: 18 Birthday: July 16 Star Sign: Cancer Height: 187 cm Hair color: Black Eye color: Blue Homeland: City of the Moon Family: Athena Luna (Mother), Orion Luna (Father), Caius Luna (Brother), Varian Luna (Brother)

Professional Status:

School: Night Raven College Dorm: Ignihyde School Year: Third Class: 3-D Student Number: 9 Occupation: Student Club: Science Club Best Subject: History of Magic

Fun facts:

Dominant hand: Right Favorite Food: Chocolate Covered Strawberries Least Favorite Food: Shrimp Dislikes: People making him talk Hobbies: Graphic Design Talents: Can hack into any device in 10 seconds or less

Appearance:

Xavi has neatly kept medium length black hair and blue eyes. He keeps himself neat and tidy without a wrinkle in his clothes. He keeps the outer jacket of his school uniform buttoned up.

Personality:

Xavi is shy and the second oldest of the triplets. He is easily frightened, but he opens up when you talk about things he likes. He wants to have friends, but he does not know how to approach or speak to people without freaking out.

Background:

Xavi grew up in a wealthy family as the middle of triplets. The burden of being the family heir fell on his eldest sibling’s shoulders. His youngest sibling, Caius, was constantly dotted on. As a result, he was largely ignored. He holds a little resentment towards both his siblings for this because he yearned for his parents’ attention.

In an attempt to impress them, Xavi built his own computer and taught himself programming. However, his parents were not impressed with this feat. Instead, they told him to be useful and do chores around the house.

As a result, Xavi never expected to receive anything from his parents. His siblings, Caius and Varian, would often try to spend time with him unless their parents called for them to do something. It wasn’t how he wanted things to be, but he couldn’t really complain either. However, it didn’t mean that he never wanted his parents to pay attention to him, even if it was only for a short while.

However, things took a turn when he and his siblings discovered that they could use magic. By the encouragement of their parents, they enrolled at Night Raven College. Xavi had decided that this would be the perfect time for him to prove his worth to his parents.

Skills and Abilities:

Intelligence: Xavi is a very smart person. While he is capable of thinking his way through different situations, he prefers to follow commands. He dislikes drawing too much attention to himself, but he still wants people to be aware he exists.

Technology Expertise: He is an expert about technology. He knows how to fix broken appliances or computers. He is also knowledgeable in building computers.

Magical Skill: He is decently skilled in magic, particularly flora magic. He has great control over his magic, but he prefers not to use it too often.

Enhanced Hearing: He has an enhanced sense of hearing.

Enhanced Sense of Smell: He has an enhanced sense of smell.

Unique Magic:

Xavi’s Unique Magic is known as Three Heads Are Better Than One. It is unique in the fact that it is actually shared with his siblings. It allows them to turn into Cerberus. It only works if all three are on board with using it. If one of them falters for even a second, it will not work.

Chant: "Alone I am weak, but together we are strong. Three Heads Are Better Than One!"

Trivia:

Xavi taught himself how to code and program.

He also taught himself how to make a computer.

Unlike his siblings, he is not cautious of Ester. He has even befriended the odd fae.

Xavi loves video games and anime.

He likes to talk to Ester about them because he knows the fae will not interrupt him when he speaks.

Being around Ester makes him feel like he matters.

While Xavi knows his siblings are trying to make him feel included in the family, he still clashes with them every so often.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #male twst oc #twst male oc #oc: xavi luna

[mysticetus]

what kind of things have you learned from taxidermy, anatomically or otherwise? i've recently gotten much more interested in natural sciences and taxonomy and i'd love to see the kinds of things you learn in specific fields related to it :)

:D! awesome ask

its hard to draw a line between prior knowledge and gained knowledge with my taxidermy internship because im already a biology major and im currently in my third year. i also did some things in high school (mostly work at an animal hospital and summer docenting that involved specimens and public education) ... so i came into this internship with knowledge on basic things like physiology, organ systems, the names of bones, etc...

but i also didnt know that much about ornithology, which was ironic since i was exclusively working with birds. on the educational side i got a lot of hands on experience meticulously breaking apart and separating avian skeletal, muscular, and organ systems... if you ever have the chance to attend a necropsy or do a dissection, i think this is the best way to learn about physiology. you get a really good sense of scale and the durability of the body.

the actual process was way more straightforward than i thought. it mostly just involves pulling skin away from muscle, which is a lot easier than youd think...id say 80% of the process is breaking through fascia, or the connective tissue under the skin. otherwise its mostly stripping muscle and tendon from bone, or in the skull's case, excising the eyeballs and scooping out the brain.

you get a really good sense of different tissue types. there were times id sever tendons to clear the muscle away, and then incidentally discover that if i pulled a tendon it would flex a certain toe...

but the actual process of taxiermy itself doesnt really require much knowledge or even professionalism. even though we were creating specimens for a professional natural history collection, most of my colleagues were students with unrelated majors and our teacher was a neuroscience grad student. like. she didnt know what i meant when i named certain bones while asking her questions.

if you want to learn more about physiology getting the opportunity to skin and dissect animals via taxidermy is great. if you wanna know more about taxonomy, id recommend looking to do curation work in a natural history museum, since that involves more organization of specimens and will have you learning their scientific names, families, etc. as well as gain a familiarity with the diversity of certain clades.

hope this answers it...i am happy to elaborate or talk more about it. thanks for giving me the chance to talk about my work :)

#ask

[fluffy-critter]

#crosspost #busybee

[absolutebl]

BL Coming in August

Here’s what’s starting this month. Which ones are you excited about? My top picks for me as The Eclipse and About Youth, let’s see how wrong I am. 

THAILAND 

War of Y

From COPY A BANGKOK (trailer)

20 eps (holy fucktard, 20 episodes of Cheewin’s nonsense), starts Aug 2 on AisPlay premium 

On Cloud Nine

Country setting, atmospheric LTR flavored BL with themes of self acceptance from MindTrio (trailer).

6 eps, starts Aug 6 on Mind Trio’s YT channel

21 Days Theory

Friends to lovers, self acceptance, secret crush, high school set from Rookie Thailand (trailer). Looks high angst, messy, cheating, secret crush stars Bever (En of Love: TOSSARA, En of Love: Love Mechanics, The Best Story and Love Mechanics) and Tee Khunakorn (The Cupid Coach).

8 eps, starts Aug 7 on Rookie Thailand’s YT channel (I think) 

The Eclipse

An enemies to lovers high school set, paladin bab boy pairing from GMMTV. This is right in their wheelhouse and was my most anticipated from GMMTV’s 2022 line up. Tropes include: sinister boarding school, haze the one you love, suspense & horror elements looks great, dark (but in a way Thailand can handle), kind of Blacklist-ish meets Great Men Academy. GMMTV excels at this kind of content. Stars First (The Shipper, Not Me) & Khaotung (Tonhon Chonlatee) side dish pair from FUTS NeoLouis. I actually really like this lead pair and I think they can handle the content. trailer

12 eps, starts Aug 12 on GMMTV’s Youtube channel  

* I’m gonna point out an important thing. I find it notable that Khaotung as the aggressor/bad boy (for a change) in this GMMTV offering has his natural skin tone (aka darker) as opposed to when he’s playing a super uke role (see Tonhon Chonlatee). Now there could be mitigating factors (like the makeup people got better at matching base tones, or they were shooting outside a lot), but still Thailand’s propensity for associating negative/evil/poor/crazy characters with darker skin tones is so painful and so insidious I want everyone to notice this, especially when we see it being carried out on THE SAME actor by THE SAME production team. 

And yes, Korea does this too.

My Only 12%

Friends to lovers, high school set, high angst, sunshine/sunshine pairing from Studio Wabi Sabi for iQIyI. (trailer) Neighbors and childhood friends, Cake & Seeiw, who have totally opposite personalities slowly growing apart. This one has the chemistry and the script so fingers crossed it’s not sad. Y-novel adaptation (author Afterday - Bad Buddy) starring SantaEarth (7 Project).

Do we trust Studio Wabi Sabi or director New anymore? Even with SantaEarth (especially with SantaEarth). That is the question.

Aug 12, 15 eps on iQIYI

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

Coming to Gaga (trailer). Doesn’t look like BL: “Can a mother be more understanding of her son’s sensuality? Even if she does, will it be easy for her to accept his relationship with a man twice his age?”

? eps, starts Aug 15 on GaGa 

Love in the Air 

Enemies to Lovers, high school set from Me Mindy (trailer). Mame’s upcoming adaptation of her novels Love Storm and Love Sky, focuses on 2 couples and their individual storylines. 

10 eps, starts Aug 18 on ?

Ghost Host, Ghost House is supposed to be coming too. 

TAIWAN

Papa & Daddy 2 AKA Papa and Daddy Season 2

Gaga bringing us the second season (trailer). Starring Melvin Sia (Damian) and Chiu Mu Han (new actor as Jerry). Looks messy. 

6 eps, starts Aug 8 (Taiwan's Father's Day) on GaGa 

About Youth AKA I Secretly Fell in Love with Student Council President

Enemies to lovers, high school set for CHOCO TV to air on Bilibili (no trailer) from the producers of HIStory 2&3, and Tsai Mi Chieh the director of H1: Stay Away From Me; H2: Crossing the Line; H3: MODC; Love Is Science (we like her). Adapted from the novel Secretly by Huang Si Mi about high school boys with different backgrounds, personalities, and values who compete for student president, but have more attraction than animosity. The drama focuses on two storylines: egocentric elite student Ye Guang who fights in the council elections with a quiet guitarist Xu Qi Zhang, and his friend Ray who after a recent breakup up with his boyfriend meets A Jian.

10 eps, starts Aug 29 on Bilibili 

JAPAN

Takara and Amagi AKA Takara-kun and Amagi-kun AKA Takara-kun to Amagi-kun

Opposites attract, secret love high school popular/geek pairing from MBS (no trailer). Same studio as Mr Unlucky and Senpai, so expect that style. A popular guy and an outcast boy start dating in secret. Stars Jpop Idols Arata Sato (IMPACTors) as Takara and Nao Oriyama (Shonen Ninja) as Amagi. 

8 eps, starts Aug 18 on ? 

Interesting that there isn’t anything from Korea and nothing new for Viki this month. Although give them a chance, they drop suddenly and later sometimes. 

I don’t always know where to find these and remember your territory and accessibility may be different than mine. But drop a comment if you have more info. 

#japanese bl #jpop #Shonen Ninja #Nao Oriyama #IMPACTors #Arata Sato #Mr Unlucky Can Only Kiss! #Mr Unlucky Has No Choice But To Kiss! #Senpai Danjite Koidewa! #Senpai This Can’t be Love! #Takara-kun to Amagi-kun #adapted from a manga #live action yaoi #Takara-kun and Amagi-kun #Takara and Amagi #taiwanese bl #taiwan drama #About Youth #I Secretly Fell in Love with Student Council President #Tsai Mi Chieh #Huang Si Mi #GaGaOOLaLa #Papa and Daddy Season 2 #Papa & Daddy 2 #Thai BL #180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us #Ghost Host Ghost House #The Cupid Coach #The Best Story #Love Mechanics

[dutifullytoocloud]

My obsession with colour

Happily occupying my thoughts this week. influencing both what music I am listening and coincidentally what I am reading. I actually ordered the book last Friday and had it on my doorstep the very next day. I wasn't even sure if the order came through. Just finished reading up on "Isabelline", a variant in the grouping of White. I really like the book despite the book reviews. So its coffee table trivia, as some have labelled it, suits me just fine. When it comes to subject that infuses art, science and history I'm all for it and I will continue to weave through it slowly at my discretion as there is no due return library date and in some ways its really a reference book. "The Secret Lives of Colour" by Kassia St Clair" has happily found its place in my household. As for playlist, urged by Billy Sloan radio broadcast suggestions, which I always succumb to. I just enjoy music themed challenges. I am sure that most of the obscure song selections would not get a look in and an Aussie suggesting Aussie songs on a Scottish radio station is kinda taking the piss....loud and proud I guess. Hey the music from this part of the world is pretty impressive and vice versa. I have grown up with an immense appreciation of music coming from Scotland. Here's my colourful full list.....no longer unnecessarily overwhelming a facebook page and on your own blog you have that freedom to do as you will.

Songs about colour in general

Colours fly and Catherine's wheel- Simple Minds- Why I love - its fireworks its the colour and the motion working together.\

Love is full of Wonderful Colour- Icicle Works- An advisory tale with a positive outlook

Jimi Hendrix- Bold as love- Geez how to wrap up so much in 5 minutes. Genius. Concise and yet has the ability to get your brain ticking overtime in regards to imagery and meaning. Guitar and drumming are both out of this world.

Now for those blue songs- Adore the colour

Bullets and Blue eyes- The Silencers, could of picked a few from "A letter to St Paul" such as "Blue Desire" and " I see Red". But when it comes to dynamics, "Bullets and Blues eyes", really kicks in.

Blue Light Disco- Olympia....she's almost Australia's answer to Joni Mitchel and I swear she must of grown up listening to her music. Dealing with the subject of refugees making the life threatening decision to make their way to Australia perilously by boat. The 1st glimpse of land are the lights in the distance, casting its blue haze. Her lyrics are poetry. " And hope falls like cut kite strings Releasing paper parts from their diamond dreams" Again concise and brain clogs churning.

Out of the Blue- Roxy Music- That demented electric violin it takes you to another realm.

No Blue Skies- Lloyd Cole- Soulful melancholia, and makes me think of being 21 again playing it on cassette.

Blue Bell Knoll-Cocteau Twins- Elizabeth Fraser and her angelic gibberish and mystifying atmosphere. Played this song to death when we were holidaying in Toowoomba. Especially at the end of the day after visiting Federation style houses. It was just so apt.

Blue Day- Mi Sex- New Zealand 80's, great voice and sad loss.

New colours

Green- Alex Lloyd- love the song and also love the film clip. Students reactions show what power music has on people from all walks of life.

Silver tongue- Zulu Winter- I don't think this band is around anymore. Sometime great debuts are really a summary of what a band has gathered in their entire lifetime to that point, and to come up with more is a huge challenge.

Red Letter day- China Crisis- much respect, " Diary of a Hollow horse" was released in 1989 is a great record and a band I have followed on and off. "Christian" from earlier on in the 80's is divine. This song easily led onto the next song choice from a different artist and album that had the same song title "Red Letter day"- but I was taken back more so by the bonus song- "Jet Black the Night"- Lostboy aka Jim Kerr.

Golden Brown- The Stranglers- I was 11 when I 1st heard it and its a song that had a huge bearing on why i am equally obsessed with music as I am with colour. I would hide under my bed to avoid household chores just to hear this song. Its about "escapism" and it was.

New Gold Dream- Everything falls into place. Loving this version at the moment.

#Youtube

[88m33]

December 19th, 2022--LIFE UPDATE

HOLY FUCK

Guys, these past few weeks have been a fucking roller coaster and it never stops. Where do I even start?

Let's start with school. I'm done with the semester! It's over! Hell is a two-week time period and I have escaped! Thank the fucking lord. I took my last two finals today and I never have to do economics work again. I get to relax for two weeks before my winter class. Actually, I get to study for my LSAT nonstop for two weeks but, hey, that's better than ever doing an HR assignment or talking about the economic history of a country again. I am sad to leave MGT 480, though. I love that professor and I had so much fun in that class. I'd take it over again if I could. He said we had the best paper and presentation in the class and wasn't surprised in the least bit. I take that as a very good compliment.

Now, work? Work is the same as it always is: I love the people and the job, but the work is a bitch. It's not hard, just boring. I love sitting in empty exhibits and telling old people not to touch the art (even though it should be common fucking sense). I love my co-workers so much. We had a holiday party two weeks ago and I almost forgot how good of a group we have until we all sat down together and talked and laughed. They are so great. I'm going to be so sad to leave them in the summer. I went out with a few co-workers to a bar near the museum and we hung out until like 11pm. I had such great, deep conversations with them and I smoked my first cigarette. I will try not to smoke again though, because it is so much more addictive than a nicotine vape. Like, the opportunity to have another cigarette was on my mind for like a week after and I can't let myself live like that. I don't know what it was--the more natural inhale feeling than a vape, or the tobacco flavor, or the smell? I don't know, man, but I know it's an expensive and dangerous vice to have and I can't do that to myself.

Oh, boy, let's get into my crazy love life for a second. This will be split into two sections because there's, uh, there's two of them?

Let's start with the Englishman. This story really starts about a year ago. I was sitting outside of the Panera on campus, eating my food and doing my homework, when this guy walks up to me and asks if he can use the outlet next to me to charge his phone. Of course, being the wonderfully amazing person I am, I say yes and he sits down in front of me to charge it. We get into a conversation and talk for like an hour and a half. He tells me he's an exchange student from the University of Cardiff and is studying architecture. He's got friends that live here and is visiting them on campus. And that's it. He asks if we can be friends, we swap Instagrams, and then he walks away, never to be seen again... SIKE fast-forward to a few weeks ago. He sends me this weird meme picture of a chicken leg being hung by some weird emoji face and follows that with "consider this a fucking warning...oh sorry wrong person". I dunno, man, I was nervous and decided to just laugh it off. He asks me if I wanna drink with him and I brush him off again. TWO DAYS LATER: he follows me on a second account and does the same thing. Threatening meme, "oh sorry wrong person", and this time asks me to dinner. I'm in my "fuck it" era so I say yes. He picks me up from my house, takes me to a sit-down restaurant, calls me beautiful, and pays for my dinner. I was in awe. Astonished. He says he's in architecture now but is going to France to get another degree in science after this school year. He says he can speak French. He also quit his job a week before. He subtly says, "Why'd you go out with a stranger? I could be a serial killer" (which should've been a big red flag) but I just laughed it off saying we've met before and so it's fine. He takes me back home and then I thought I wouldn't hear from him again.

NOPE, a week later, he tells me I should leave class. I can't because of presentations, blah, blah, but I'll let him know when I get out of class so he can pick me up at home. We go out for milkshakes (they were decent, not great) and he takes me to this park that has a really great view of the city. When we get bored, we go to a casino and play in their arcade, and then he drops me off at home. Seemingly innocent, right? WRONG. SO. MANY. RED. FLAGS. One: on our way to the park, we drive by a car crash. I mention it and the man gets unusually excited about it and turns around to drive past it a second time and see if anyone DIED. The fuck??? Two: he gets a call from somebody and they start speaking to each other in a different language. I can't tell what it is so I'm sitting there waiting for him to be finished talking. Then when he's done, he says, "Do you have any idea what I just said?" (Weird way to phrase that, but okay.) I say no and he says, "Yeah, it's Finnish?" Like it was a question. And I looked up what Finnish sounds like and that was not Finnish. I mention that he said he spoke French as well and he says, "Oh, did I?" WHAT? Are your stories not lining up now? Three: he's not going to France to study science, he's staying here to get into construction and he wants to build apartments in Jamaica. I get it that plans change but in a week? Four: He got fired from his job the day before, apparently. He didn't quit a week before. Five: He will purposefully change the subject if I ask anything personal about him. If you want to get to know me better, you better be prepared for me to get to know you, that's how dating works. I blocked him on everything, so let's hope this dude doesn't show up at my house one night.

AAAHHH okay, on to the reoccurring character in my love life: The Senator. Okay, so you guys know about the date(?) with the Senator at the end of November. We didn't really talk much after that which was really concerning to me. Like did I fuck something up? Does he think it was strictly platonic and wanted it to be more and I made it platonic? But then, HIS MOTHER POPPED UP ON MY INSTAGRAM. I was like, "well shit this would be a perfect time to talk" so I took a screenshot of his mother's profile being suggested to me and asked if that was his mom and we got into a phenomenal conversation. We talked for almost three days before I saw him again in class. And this motherfucker says, "Hi. I'm tired." AND WALKS OUT. I stood there in disbelief. What the fuck was that? So then I let it sit for another week. We say hi in class. Whatever. THEN I have a presentation that I have to be in business casual for, so I show up to ECON in a tight black skirt and a black turtleneck I looked so fucking good, guys. And when I got up to talk to the Senator after class, this man had such a hard time keeping his eyes focused on mine and keeping track of the conversation. UGH, I love teasing men. That was our last official day of class.

Two days later, I'm having a mental breakdown because I don't know how to do economics and so I decide to ask him how he is studying for the final. He says he's rereading the entire textbook--to which I visibly retch and gag--and so I ask for other suggestions because I'm not turning my brain to mush. He says he'd be amendable to a study session the next day. I'm gonna punch the fancy words out of his fucking mouth. Anyway, I agree and we decide on 10am in the SENATE OFFICES. I don't know how much I talked about my LSAT, but I took my LSAT in the senate offices and it's a very private place. Like you have to know the key code to get in and there are only windows above your head kind of private. So I meet him there, we sit down to study and start going through the Quizlet (blessed be whoever created Quizlet, you are a godsend) and we are sitting close. Like legs touching, his feet are on my chair, and he keeps hitting my knee with his and watching me when we're supposed to be reading the thing on his computer. At one point, this man does the awkward flirty shoulder punch thing guys do but he did it on my thigh because it was closer? This dude is handsy but not in a creepy way. More like, he just really wants to touch me but doesn't know how much is too much. There are a couple times when I can tell that he's losing track of his words when I look at him and he likes giving me hints when I tell him not to because I need to learn it. He's incredibly gentle. He tells me I'm not dumb or crazy because I don't remember half the shit we learned in class. He says things like "There you go", "You got it", and "Good job" when I get an answer right. That shit does something to me that I cannot explain. His voice is fucking perfect and I love when he says my name. I'm going red just writing about it.

ANYWAY, we finish the study session and we don't talk until today. The ECON final was this afternoon and I don't know how well I did on it, but I did my best and the studying did actually help. I finished before he did so once I got out of class, I messaged him saying that we should hang out outside of school, and sent him my phone number. AND HE SAID HE WOULD LIKE THAT. I haven't responded because I don't know how yet, but I will. HOLY FUCK I DID IT. That was like two hours ago and I really should respond but I'm going to revel in my fucking bravery for a little bit.

Anyway, that's my life. I don't want to get into family shit right now because I'm in a really good mood and my family isn't in a great place right now. I don't want to dwell on it. Bye, guys. I'll probably be on here again after the New Year, so hopefully I have good news then.

#tumblr diary #it’s prose this time #prose not poetry #AHAHAHHA