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kyloswarstars · 4 years

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Come on! • Part 2 – „Training Together“

Peaky Blinders • Mini-Series

Vendetta had brought your family back to Small Heath for a while. As a Blinder you received orders from Tommy like everyone else did as well. Your current one: Keep eyes on Bonnie Gold. When you first heard those words you wouldn’t have dared to imagine this order would take a complete turn on you.

Pairing • Bonnie Gold x Shelby!Reader

Words • 1.6k

Come on! • masterlist

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Aunt Pol stared at you. No one spoke a word at the lunch table. When it was time for dinner, the silence slowly loosened up. After all, what were they supposed to do? Glue some of your hair back on?

You didn’t care for the hair and given that, they accepted to not care as well.

Tommy hadn’t shown up to lunch or dinner. The next time you saw him was the following morning at the breakfast table. And only because your sleep hadn’t been that well and caused you to wake up early again.

„How’s it going, Y/N?“

Knowing Tommy, he didn’t ask for your wellbeing, rather than the order he had put on you. „He’s a good boxer. He’s a fighter.“ Sipping on your tea and cutting the sunny side up egg into six pieces, you felt Tommy’s eyes on you, waiting to see if there was more. „He’ll serve your plans,“ you added.

He nodded and focused back on the papers in front of him. He was always scanning over papers or lost in his thoughts, planning his next move.

Taking your last sip and getting up, he did have a last word: „Wait.“ Stopping in your tracks you waited for whatever it was. He called for Isiah who came rushing in from the betting shop. „Get her to King Maine, Isiah.“

„Tommy, no. I’m the babysitter for Gold, I don’t need one for myself,“ you stated with hands on your hips. Directing your next words to your friend: „No offence, Isiah.“

„You do as long as the vendetta is still on the table.“

„This is Small Heath. I know my way around.“

Tommy finally let go of the papers and leaned back in his chair, wearing that unapologetic half-grin which had become so rare. „How did you even sneak out yesterday morning?“

Crossing your arms you returned a half-grin and winked at him. Since John wasn’t there anymore you missed having some lighter times with your siblings.

„Anyway,“ Tom went back to studying his papers and didn’t look up anymore when he put another order on Isiah. „Stay there till she’s done training. Not that she’ll get any stupid ideas.“

„Oh fuck off, Tommy,“ you groaned and left the house with Isiah following behind you

To be fair: being babysat by Isiah was just spending time with your friend. Yeah, sometimes Tommy thought you were only his little sister and not actually the Blinder you had proven you were. After all you didn’t really care. You forced Isiah to train some with you when you got to King Maine’s. He hardly held up with you.

„I’m too fucking tired, Y/N.“ Five minutes had him sitting on a bench already. „My night has been very short if you understand what I mean.“ Isiah wiggled his eyebrows and you threw a glove at him.

„Please spare me the details.“

„But–“

„Let's just make a deal. You can go take a nap in the changing room and I can train in peace. Tommy won’t even know.“

His eyes lit up. Isiah shook your hand shortly and left for the changing room immediately. „You’re the best, Y/N!“ He called before entering the changing room with a wave.

Laughing to yourself you picked the glove up and put it on again. You knew very well that Bonnie Gold, who had been there again when you arrived, had watched you and Isiah. For now, you didn’t feel like following Tommy’s order for today. For a good while you prepared yourself, punched into the sandbag, and eventually stepped into the ring with Harry, a guy you trained with on a regular basis. One of the handful who was not a prick.

Harry wanted to improve his left hook so that is what you focused on for the next hour. His right fist could break someones nose with the first try, the left one was still lacking power. Today he probably wouldn’t make a big change but still, he tried.

„Can I take the next round with you?“ Bonnie had come up to the ring and leaned over the ropes. Harry and you just took a break to drink some water.

„Shouldn’t you train with someone who’s more experienced?“ You answered and looked at him with a hand above your eyes. The sun shining in through the windows was blinding you.

„Either you’re underestimating yourself or this is a trick question.“ Bonnie wore that relaxing smirk again.

„It is. And as I said I won’t go easy on you.“

With that Harry dismissed himself and made room for Bonnie. He climbed into the boxing ring, one of many at King Maine’s, and you wondered why Maine didn’t call you out to leave him alone like he did yesterday. But you didn’t care.

For a while you didn’t really know how to start. For you it was always difficult to train with someone new. You didn’t know how they behaved or what ticks and tricks they had and that drove you crazy. So you decided on taking turns with throwing punches and defence.

Bonnie Gold had a lot of force in his fists and he never seemed to get tired. Being in the ring with him brought you to your boundaries even though you were used to heavy training. Nonetheless it was a lot of fun. He was challenging and eager to show off his skills – even though he was still lacking some good defence. And at the same time he was very delicate about actually hitting you. He didn’t want to hurt you.

You going easy on him hadn’t been the case at all. Keeping up with him was impossible but, again, a lot of fun. You enjoyed it. And that was why you found yourself skipping rope together the next day. And him arriving at the same time at King Maine’s the following day, instead of being there already.

You held the punching bag steady when Bonnie hit it. He did it when it was your turn.

The sweat was dripping into your eyes but the session filled you with so much adrenaline you just couldn’t stop punching into the sandbag. Bonnie was observing every hit and cheering you on. „Come on!“ He yelled, in this super friendly tone.

Flying fists, a shaking body and almost no air left in your lungs. You collapsed against the punch bag and beamed at Bonnie.

„I think I didn’t tell you yet,“ Bonnie still held the sandbag in place and your faces were way too close to each other. „You’re absolutely badass.“

Breaking into a small laugh, you regained your balance and turned to the bench for your bottle, hiding that his statement left you way more flattered than you wanted to admit.

Those days at King Maine’s, training together with Bonnie, turned into weeks. Tommy’s order faded into the background the more time you spent with Bonnie. He was so easy to be around. He was energetic and honestly friendly, which was pretty rare, and at first you didn’t really notice, but those nights, where the black clouds wanted to take them with you, lessened.

He was so different from your family. Not once did he ask what had happened with your hair. Or how it was for you that John was gone. Bonnie didn’t ask further about any of the things you cursed about under your breath. He was waiting. Until you would open up yourself. He understood he wouldn’t get anything from you if you weren’t willing, weren’t ready, to share it with him.

After spending so much time with Bonnie you finally accepted calling him a friend. And that felt good.

Due to the vendetta still being very prominent, your brothers didn’t want you to be out in the nights, which you understood – even though, you were able to look out for yourself. But you understood. They didn’t want to lose anyone else and you didn’t want that either.

The threshold of the back door had become your favorite spot to take in the sunset at. Tonight Bonnie joined you. It was his first time at Watery Lane actually. You had just brought him with after finishing up training at King Maine’s. And no-one minded or questioned him being here.

The cup of tea in your hands was working wonders within the cold breeze. How the sky changed its colors before turning dark and revealing its stars always brought you joy. It let you drift off to all those beautiful memories that were made as a kid while being out in the nature.

„You know, I’m so glad to be back in Small Heath but I miss the woods,“ you whispered. „I miss the fresh air and the trees and the animals.“

Bonnie took a sip of his tea, then turned to you. „You can join me and my family for the weekend outside of the city. If you want to?“ His lips didn’t smile and his eyes didn’t glint. He was waiting if he went too far with his question. „I’ll watch for your safety.“

You didn’t care for your safety. Well, you somehow did for the sake of your family. You cared for this weird feeling that told you Bonnie could potentially sneak his way into your soul. Before John’s death you would’ve declined immediately, not risking to let someone close to you. But John was gone and all of your weird thoughts had increased even more. Bonnie had helped sooth them out a little, without even knowing he did or intentionally doing something. He just… was there.

So all you heard yourself say was: „I would love to.“

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chal-lelerc · 4 years

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ok so like. here’s my harry potter house thing. i’m ngl i tried to do this but then i deleted it bc it was getting too long and i didn’t have the attention span but. it kept sticking in my brain so i decided to pick it back up and as such, i’ve lost the original post but it was a quarantine activity (sort drivers into houses, assign quidditch positions, explain) posted by @verstappened. houses done first, then positions, then explanations for both. i tried to make feasible teams, i.e making sure there arent too many of a single position per house, so this really screwed some of the sorting but oh well.

i did the houses first, then positions, then explanations in that order for the most part.

5/13/20: the sorting was mostly done before i heard all the differing opinions (of which there were many!)

5/19/20: alright so this is literally like 2 months old but i’ve just finished it lolol

Lewis Hamilton:

Slytherin: THE GLORY MAN. the aloof kind of superiority, confidence, is top dog, he’s simply the pinnacle of it all. kind of lethal and doesn’t do the whole ‘looking up to others’ things (outwardly, but he seems very soft on the inside tbh). very majestic and is almost a gryffindor, the kind of slytherin that Merlin is. hard-working, got here from incredibly humble beginnings, which kind of stands out from the rest, but he’s clearly now at the top level of society. still very protective of Others. scarily ambitious. Was originally a gryffindor but I wanted the brits to be in different houses for their quidditch positions to work. Could honestly go either way though.

Seeker: more glory. periodt. he stays winning and scoring the most points. clutch-man. Speedy boy, kind of in a different world than everyone else when competing (he’s always at the front lifetimes away from everyone else lmao. playing a diff game.)

Valtteri Bottas:

Hufflepuff: HE SEEMS. LIKE. A. BIG. CHILD. always relegated and brushed off but is literally God-Tier and no one can convince me otherwise. i consider him to be rather reliable (reflecting only the 2019 season at least lmao). a bit of a vindictive streak bc he knows what he’s Capable Of even when others underestimate him. has a very bright smile.

Beater: have u seen him. he’s a big boy even though he’s 5′8 and only an inch taller than lando norris he seems bigger than he is ok

Charles Leclerc:

Slytherin: this bitch. what a snake. hiss hiss.

Chaser: he wants what lewis hamilton has but chose the wrong position. still a star in his own right. pride and joy of his house, will be at the lead of every formation play unless told otherwise by his head of house, to which he will brood and complain ab but comply in the end bc he wants Team Success and loyalty to his Family. scores the most points on the team and people act like he carries even though he literally has a partner(s).

ok but fr my gut said charles is a slytherin (do i really need to explain why? very critical, doesn’t accept inferiority, somehow succeeds. just a feeling his brain seems to fit motorsport politics well), but i was seriously contemplating whether he’d be a gryffindor to max’s slytherin instead. but then i saw someone mention the whole lion schtick and i was like for all of max’s brattiness he is Gryffindor so sharl is snake. sorry don’t make the rules just follow them.

further edit: this was written before he started streaming (this is how old this draft is) and can u believe him he’s the epitome of the “not all slytherins r evil wenches” idea

Sebastian Vettel:

Ravenclaw: idk for all of Seb’s goofiness he just seems cerebral to me. Seems to know mildly irrelevant facts and is really quite smart however is hopeless in the modern age. Kind of that wise old(er he’s not that old) man knowledge. I’d trust him to give me all the life advice I need but also to write a 10 page essay on the nuances of the effect of emotion on verbal language (which we all know he is very experienced with).

Keeper: it’s the protective Dad Power.

Max Verstappen:

Gryffindor: WAS REALLY GONNA PUT HIM IN SLYTHERIN BC HE’S A NASTY LIL SHIT. TOTAL BRAT. GIVES FUCK ALL WHAT OTHERS SAY. BUT HE IS LION AND LION IS HE SO GRYFFINDOR IT IS. also just bc he needs to oppose sharl in every way possible it’s called Poetic Cinema. also his driving style is clearly the bravery and confidence to the point of recklessness that is prevalent among gryffindors.

Chaser: again, he must oppose Charles. so, not a seeker although he’s clearly singularly the most prized competitor. just like Charles, pride and joy of house, their star chaser. the comparisons never end. the competition never ends. the fighting never ends. one of the most interesting and dynamic performers to watch, is predictable in that he’s not predictable except that he will always be aggro to the max. will always be in trouble for getting rough bc that’s Not His Job but that’s just the gryffindor disregard for rules. master point scorer.

Alex Albon:

Gryffindor: was really a toss up btwn this and Hufflepuff but the ultimate deciding factor was the fact that I wanted all the British Boys to be seekers. he really just sticks it out as max’s teammate like a real one (nothing against max, everything against Helmet Merco) for the good of the team, still is sweet with max anyway. fitting that they’re in the same house too.

Seeker: he’s not the small boy that lando and lewis are but he is (thai/)British. very special boy (big ups on the promotion even tho it was Sad Times for Pear) deserves very special job. also he has a hot girlfriend (alex albon who i only know lily he’s boy toy) idk how that’s relevant but it seems fitting.

Carlos Sainz:

Ravenclaw: bc he’s a spaniard but is still better at english than Lando (i think everyone is tbh). Seems to be a quiet type of smart, sensible, but perhaps this is just the consequence of being compared to Lanno at all times LMAO (no hate all love bby Lannd). would be the type of ravenclaw to follow his friends on absolutely idiotic ventures but would step in to prevent near death or likely-legal-problem causing actions (and only then; otherwise it’s every man for themselves and everyone is free to make a fool of themselves and break some laws. carlos may dabble in such practices.)

Chaser: seems to be a go-getter, not going for points doesn’t even cross his mind. will always be the one driving up the pitch, the strategist of sorts bc he seems big(ger) brain (than lando lololol).

Edit: I wrote this part ab him long ago but this entire section of this post is now irrelevant and canceled.

Lando Norris:

Hufflepuff: you all know why. zero explanation needed. like, none.

also has a bit of an aggressive streak which tends to catch ppl off guard. is not afraid to confront u (hello pageNO) and at times defies the hufflepuff stereotype of being perpetually happy go-lucky (he has his bad days!). but when with His True Crew he is absolutely a hufflepuff ball of energy.

Seeker: small and speedy. energetic to the max. small. quirky and different from the rest, so he gets the special job. small. everyone would kill to protect him. small.

Daniel Ricciardo:

Gryffindor: AW I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE THAT I PUT HIM AND MAX TOGETHER. LOOK I EVEN MADE THEM BOTH CHASERS. AH HOW BIGBRAIN MY MIND IS. everything ab dan is gold. golden skin, the colors in redbull and renault, his smile, just the vibes. he’s just got the enthusiasm and charisma and this intensity of a gryffindor. super aggressive, his late breaking (from his rbr at least) is legendary and maddening with how he pulls it off. is almost a hufflepuff but the gut said no.

Chaser: is Max’s teammate. so yeah. was obviously the star until younger max came to the show. a bit lost in limbo bc of it but they still work well together.

literally want to make him a hufflepuff so. bad. but i couldn’t split up maxiel. also his vibe is just different from other ‘puffs like stroll so.

Esteban Ocon:

Slytherin: ask max.

Chaser: being characterized off of their relationship with max seems to be a theme here. will go head to head with max w/ absolutely zero shits given. talented, but the rivalry with max is entirely secondary to charles imho. still yet to show his full potential but is still quietly a thorn in max’s side. many are interested to see what he is able to do in the immediate future.

Pierre Gasly:

Hufflepuff: GUYS HE WANTS TO OWN A PANDA

Chaser: constantly trying to prove himself and score big boy points. had a stint as seeker until lando came along. did not do as well as ppl had hoped, returned to chaser and proceeded to crush it from there. praticed a lot with charles as children (the friendship dynamic w/ their houses was definitely unforseen but is amazing).

Daniil Kvyat:

Hufflepuff: really wanted to make him a slytherin but the quidditch positions didn’t work out. firmly believe this works though. more of the rough and tumble type, definitely the kind that will sock u in the nose if u write off hufflepuffs as a joke. could honestly probably be a gryffindor too with how unapologetically aggressive he can be in the name of His Beliefs. gives me big dumb himbo vibes now that i think ab it tbh which is mostly the justification here. also he has a child omg.

Chaser: but the one that’s always headbutting bludgers out of the air (torpedo bitches). also had a stint as seeker before but it Was Not His Thing. he’d much rather be chasing and throwing things than seeking things. also he’s pierre’s mate :,) would’ve been a beater but romain and valtteri will not be anything else so daniil took the boot whoops.

Sergio Perez:

Slytherin: it’s just the vibe. knows his weaknesses and is able to make up for it with his confidence and talent in his strengths. very ambitious, plays the right cards at the right times to get the right results. something ab him puts me on edge, but like in a good way; i feel like there’s always a trump card up his sleeve, like when he gets to q3 out of fucking nowhere in a racing point.

Keeper: he gives me the same vibes as seb idk what it is. very dependable, backbone of his team.

Lance Stroll:

Hufflepuff: guys have u seen the guy. he’s just here to have a good time. may seem a bit airheaded at times but he means well 99% of the time. untapped potential. seems like a no thoughts head empty canadian hockey boy (and every one of these types is a hufflepuff don’t fight it); may or may not be the only accurate description of him.

Chaser: he’s just trying his best out here. i

KEEPER?: SO I DID A QUICK GOOGLE AND HE USED TO BE A HOCKEY

GOALIE?????

so scratch my initial thoughts (tbh i didn’t really know where to put him and i originally had romain as keeper but that’s an issue to fix later on now) BECAUSE LANCE STROLL IS A keeper GOALIE AND NO ONE CAN REFUTE THIS. ABSOLUTELY NO HUMAN OF THIS EARTH. WHAT GLORIOUS INFORMATION TO STUMBLE ACROSS.

Kimi Raikkonen:

Slytherin: guys i really don’t have an in depth analysis of this but i don’t think iceman needs one.

Beater: see above^. y’all must get the vibe.

tbh could also be a keeper tho similar energies to seb and checo, but honestly his no fucks given attitude is ultimately what swayed me

Antonio Giovinazzi:

Gryffindor: he just has that majestic quality (that could also fit a slytherin but i only see red when i see antonio). look at that lion’s mane. also he’s one of kimi’s to paddock friends? seems fitting that he’s a gryffindor to kimi’s slytherin.

Chaser: plays second fiddle to the duo that is max and daniel, often regulated to vibing on the side. but he’s there and he’s important and he has potential (i’ve been seeing ppl talking ab a ferrari move and i’m positively shaken). [edit: again, this post is old.]

im sorry its glaringly obvious idk much about him asdfjasldkd

Kevin Magnussen:

Slytherin: guys lots of these are just self explanatory sorry if i seem like im taking the cheap way out but it’s fact. brundle and crofty call him a great white shark for crying out loud.

Beater: unapologetically chaotic. lurking around the edges making people feel hunted. spends more time playing baseball in the middle of the matches than quidditch and sometimes it backfires but it’s good fun and it sometimes works.

Romain Grosjean:

Hufflepuff: y’all he’s such dad energy and he likes to cook. gets written off a lot but he actually cares (he’s a part of the grand prix drivers assoc.!). he seems so wholesome and he spends time with his kids and their school work when he can do u feel those water drops yeah those r my tears.

Beater: i really wanted to make him a slytherin beater to make him teammates with k-mag but he’s just. not a slytherin. but i kept the beater part. spends the majority of the hufflepuff v. slytherin matches sending bludgers kevin’s way even when he doesn’t mean to. it’s always reciprocated.

George Russell:

Ravenclaw: I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN THIS KID. is so marvelously well spoken and he just has such a simple yet effective way with words. he knows what’s reasonable to expect but never fails to expect the most that he can given his circumstances. again, mentioned this before but a lot of it is his accent. the glottal stop is a historically stereotypically rural (i.e. “uneducated”) thing but I’m American and I Don’t Listen to the Rules, so the accent just makes him seem so sophisticated to me especially when he’s saying things like “horriiiiiiiific” and presenting his hefty powerpoints.

Seeker: my British Boys Are Seekers headcanon continues. definitely a Golden Boy of the team kind of guy (hello tragic dumpsterfire that is williams :/ ).

Nicholas Latifi:

Hufflepuff: same boat as lance. his twitch streams are so wholesome he’s just chilling man. twitter made me write him off as daft and unnecessary at first but like fuck twitter i’m all here for ninky latvia now.

Chaser: lowkey gives me keeper vibes as well? the sensible, level-headedness. but obvs that’s lance so chaser it is. still the level-headedness that helps him hold down the fort btwn pierre and daniil who can tend to get a bit imaginative, and also the energies of them + lando.

5/19/20: so it’s quite clear to me that i grew tired of brain functions the more time i took on this and the later ones are a bit lacking and for that i’m very sorry. that being said i’m still happy to see this finished bc the idea was VERY exciting for me.

#max verstappen #charles leclerc #daniel ricciardo #lando norris #f1 #formula one #f1 grid #harry potter grid #finally done folks lordt #was anyone waiting for this idk but it's here #it's also glaringly obvious who i know less about but that too is something that one must excuse #whoops

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crackcrocs · 3 years

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DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #1

1. The backbone to my emotions

As someone who cannot conceptualise time in any way whatsoever, I want to say sorry to my loved ones. I'm aware I still need to send my friends messages every once in a while and remind them I still want to be their friends and I need to actively work on this. I need to overcome this fear stopping me from being present and accepting peoples love and support. I want to break free from me and I want to feel content being on this earth, I want nothing more than to enjoy experiences with my loved ones. I love you I love you.

I am a young charismatic, creative individual learning to do things differently so I don't always have the same outcomes. I suffer from a Cluster B Personality Disorder; under the same umbrella of mental health I also experience extremely intrusive thoughts on a daily basis, that can become obsessive and compulsively hyper fixated thoughts in an instant. I have anxiety, depression and a lot of the time I’m deeply dissociated to a point where I struggle to believe I’m even real, even when I do know I am real- I have no attachment to my limbs or body as a whole and only feel alive in a spiritual sense or when I self harm. I don't want to get too into my illnesses; as I’m not someone who really likes labels, just know that everyday is a battle and each personality that exists within me is different. I wouldn't say drastically, however its evident for me and living with so many different masks can be intense. Especially when you've tried to convince people that you're just one solid mould in the hopes they don't perceive you as an intense person. I am going to try to take you through a few of my altars and moods starting with the emptiest subconscious alters that I call the backbones of my emotions to the more powerful energetic ones that haven't managed to yet consume me over the years. I hope this can give people an insight.

Overall I present a pretty confident front, I like to appear like I’ve got my life together even though I’m so far from it, sometimes I’m not sure ill even find the strength to go on long enough in attempt to get my life together, which is a real problem but it's the sad truth. Don't waste time reading this if you're easily triggered as this piece of writing will consist of real and genuine feelings. I’m in no attempt trying to create content for people who enjoy turning blind eyes and wishing they didn’t see this so I’ll give you a fair warning. I'm not responsible for your triggers, whereas I’m responsible for the things I’ve done. I might have cared too much at one point, but I will not hold myself captive to those situations nor will I regret them. I want the lies, deceit and hurt that I’ve committed against loved ones to end, my secrecy has done enough damage and its exhausting pushing people away even though that’s not usually the intent, truth is I am so embarrassed of myself. I'm private, secretive and mysterious but I’ll also talk about my childhood trauma after like 5 minutes. I guess this says I’m happy to talk about my trauma because it's what I know and am comfortable with, I just struggle to tell anyone the real suicidal me behind my problems. I hate that I’m so young and feel like a dead person already.

I tend to act out or distance myself due to fear which isn’t clear at first if you know me, but does become obvious. I might appear as someone with no care in the world, like I’m unbothered, but I assure you that's the African pride combined with the Leo pride. I also don't want people to treat me like a footstool, which has happened when I’ve come off ass too passive. I care so much and over think absolutely everything, it's literally my only way of thinking. I have little to no self esteem and I have no clue who confidence is unless under the influence of something, be it weed, alcohol or psychedelics (which I don't take much of because I enjoy them and don't want to abuse them) I mean I can function sober, I don't even like to be out of control high or drunk, but as Chief Keef once said, I hate being sober. #i'mTrash4thereference. Although I’m not fully healed and functioning yet, I’m a developed character with both positive and negative traits. At the moment I’m going back and fourth between 'just stop trying' and 'you cant give up'. Sometimes depression is kind of like looking at yourself through a window, there’s this part of your brain that understands it'll pass, but you’re so far into despair that its impossible to see the way out, its a lot like being trapped. I am having a bad patch right now, the difference between this one and the last one is I’m more self aware with less of a desire to go on. At least I’m no longer suffering from paranoia and thinking everyone's out to get me all the time or that I’ll get trafficked walking home from somewhere, but depression and mania are so bloody invasive and there’s always that little voice in my head telling me ill never be good enough. Executive dysfunction kills my motivation because I have so many things to do and I cant pick anything to start first, it gets worse when my depression gets worse too. I'm not lonely though; I have a few people who care for me- and while I'm trying to not involve them in the metal episode, they are around to talk to and that means so much. My friends are super encouraging even though I've only briefly mentioned that I'm having a sad time right now, and that's awesome.

I hate that no matter how much better I get there's still this deep desire to get worse. I don't feel like a real person. I just feel like a collection of what people want me to be and various mental disorders. It would be so cool if I could admit to the world I have a personality disorder without feeling disgusting and without fear.

I've had plenty time to reflect upon every bit of thought that created the barbed wire surrounding my logical brain, I want to feel okay to be alive, but I so strongly just want to die. I am tired of fluctuating from feeling extremely vigorously suicidal to passively suicidal; where I just don't have the energy to carry it out myself. It's gotten way past the point that it doesn't matter what kind of day I have, I think about killing myself all day. Sleep is an escape from life and I'm always tired and wanting to 'sleep'. Deep down I feel like I’m waiting for the right time to end my life and it's not the right time yet because I still have a footprint to leave behind, I still have journal pages I want to burn. I cant just jump off the highest accessible building or mall car park I could find just yet- I don’t just want to ruin others by hurting them with my death. It's sad to think I grew into this mindset, waking up wishing I was dead.

Being abandoned by many people in the past made me doubt people and think everyone was out to get me or wanted something from me, it made me feel hurt and lone. So I felt it would be better to let people down before they could hurt me so I wouldn't repeat the same cycle when forming new connections. It wasn't intentional but I could just silence myself due to fear.

I just found myself feeling immensely hopeless, like I was too internally enraged at the external world to be able to trust anything of it. I definitely do want to get better because I’m tired of feeling this way, it's so exhausting and I hate pushing people away from me like I’m poison. I need to allow people to accept all of me.

Before picking up these coping mechanisms when I was younger and more insecure; I wanted to be a part of the world, I had this strong urge to fit in. I had to learn how to manage my anxiety and socialising became more exhausting stemming from my fear of being 'odd' or 'different', I didn’t want to be called out for being different- it was not a compliment at that age, it always felt like a being the joker in the card deck. I was intensely afraid of being judged or labelled as such. Being told I was a 'weirdo' didn't help at all, that type of criticism is what got to me the most. People made me feel like I needed to change, like I was too African, even in a joking manner it didn't help- because although I was okay with who I was, I did feel like I had to change and westernise myself to fit in. I ended up hanging around with people that didn't care, doing stupid things I didn’t even want to do, dating people I didn't connect with. Eventually I got tired of people using me for entertainment, tired of catering to those who refused to understand. I still have to admit there were many periods that I lowered my frequency to be on the wavelength of others that did not match mines at all, I hate that I'm someone who always feels the need to explain myself so people don't think I'm a bad person and even though I don't owe it to everyone and now I am able to make better choices and I'm no longer easily influenced, it still hurts that i was ever around people that made me feel like I was over exaggerating my mental health or uncomfortable to a point where I learned to downplay it or the mention of it. Now as a coping mechanism I’ve become so facetious and sarcastic about my trauma it's a struggle to take myself seriously at times. Users and abusers belittled me to such a point where I felt they'd underestimated my intelligence and most of all humiliated me. It made me tired of justifying myself so now most days I’m just a mute, but I really do finally have good people in my life who deserve some sort of explanation and it's a shame they don't get to be experience a truly present consistent me. It’s just after having the wrong eyes on me, I don’t want anything to see me. I hate attention because I’m so embarrassed of myself I don’t want to be noticed. People looking at me make me want to kill myself.

I've been told to move past my rage, to let go and become a grounded and level headed person. I've been told there is hope for all of us. Must be nice to believe that, all I could wonder was what it was like to get angry without getting homicidal and suicidal. Even on most days where nothing extreme would happen besides negative emotions, my brain still travelled to a dark realm. I've come to a point where I want to live in my daydream universe wile I physically rot away. That's my business. Sometimes I feel as though all my friendships are on a timer, or more so it's that my timer is about to go off, so I subconsciously shy away and make sure i have no deep friendships. Just in case my head decides to do something stupid.

I don't want to have no friends, I want to have friends and I do value friendships so much more than entitled relationships, I just have a difficulty maintaining friendships because it's exhausting for me, it takes a lot of energy to be social and on a level that isn't just superficial where I can just let go and allow myself to fully be. Sometimes I have a hard time relating to other people, and thus I may feel I don’t belong or don’t quite fit in- causing me to feel irritated, paranoid or even in pain during social situations. It's not always this bad, and I don't mean for it to sound dramatic. It's different when In person and I’m really relaxed and comfortable with the company. However virtually socialising and expressing will always be extremely anxiety enducing and its something I need to overcome especially going into this new phase of Artificial Intelligence. So if I start to drift away it most likely isn't a reflection of you. The cycle goes I need alone time to recharge then I realise how long has passed and I just feel so bad I haven’t gotten back, I tell myself I’m an awful friend for dissociating for so long, and then I don’t know how to explain that so my anxiety rises, mood drops and I spiral back into a pit of depression, often wanting to relapse but refraining from doing so. Sometimes I manage to get out of the pit, but by then so much has piled up I don't know where or how to begin again.

I don't feel like I could have a normal friendship as well as romantic relationship. It's hard for me to long term imagine myself being fully relaxed enough to let my guard down and not reluctant to express. I don’t think there’s any condition where ill just be came and enjoy a connection without worrying that the other person isn’t putting in as much effort, or they have an image of me, or that I’ve amplified the emotions and even though I feel them that way do they really understand me or love me as much. Silence is so upsetting and I hate the fact I do it when I'm afraid of myself or don't feel good enough. I never intent for it to become 'the silent treatment' because in reality its not treating anyone, it's more a reflection of what I’m internalizing and not wanting or being unable to project and express those feelings without feeling like party pooper, an attention seeker or 'too deep'. I don't mean to give people false hope, I love the people in my life so much and every one I’ve met on this journey. I'm learning to look at life through a different lens and the people who contributed to my suffering will not be the definition of me. People have led me to believe so much and strung me along, not letting me go- and I realised those entitled controlling abusive relationships were not serving me. I couldn't keep doing it. Now even though I want closeness I end up pushing people away or leaving them in the dark because of fear, especially of something new because I've never experienced anything good and true for a long enough duration of time to rid me of that fear. I also have fear of rejection or hurting, I fear becoming too emotionally invested and becoming co dependant so I end up wanting to avoid the pain than actually wanting to experience the joy and growth the relationship could offer, so I end it before it begins to avoid any possible pain. I feel like I don't deserve these connections,and sometimes the depression runs so deep I have to push people away in case I want to do something stupid- I don’t want them to feel at fault, or obligated to be able to handle me. Sometimes I really can just only be with myself and my thoughts so I hide but it may appear that I’m pushing others away because of my isolation and neglect.

With everyone I know, I get this feeling that they're too good for me, their energy is so radiant and loving but I feel so broken and don’t want to depend on that. I've had perfectly ideal people come into my life and I feel they’re too good for me because I have a lot of work to do on myself first, primarily I need to build up confidence and self esteem because it's the root of most my issues. I want to relate to people, share our deepest fears and wishes without fear of judgement. It's not that I don't want to get better, I simply cannot remember what it was like to have an actual honest to god normal personality. The feeling of being a mentally unstable chameleon is all I have now. I AM my illness, that's the only identifier I have left. I can't remember normality.

I understand that I’m lucky and I’m not ungrateful for the things and people I do have, it doesn’t mean that my life doesn’t suck because of those lucky things. I often think about if someone created technology to transfer life to another, I’d happily give them mine because they'd live it much better than me, I’m not worth anything to myself. I never wanted to be someone to cause pain on the people I love but now I do, even if that’s just through silence. I just disappear when I haven’t been doing well and although I know things get better, recovery isn’t linear and that not all my days are bad, I just have extreme chronic feelings of emptiness.

I struggle to trust people because I don't want to be hurt but I need people so much, I hate feeling unloved. It's so overwhelming because I feel everything so extremely as if I’m going to explode.

My sense of self and reality feels destroyed, my future and dreams are uncertain and it's hard for me to move on, sometimes it scares me what I’m doing to people without the intention of it, being too much or not enough- or at least feeling that way. It's hard for me to give myself a reason and it's not on the people around me to fill my empty void, I hate forcing people to be my friend or understand my illness. I cant expect anyone to want to- it feels like I’m holding their hand while they pull it away; and even though it's not the case I feel awful, I constantly feel like I’m in a more pessimistic head space. I'm worried people will realise I'm as pathetic as I say I am.

#LCZABIBU #deathwillonlybethebeginning

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beyond-the-mirror · 4 years

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DMC x Pokemon AU - Which pokemon they would choose

So an idea appeared out of nowhere in my head: If Pokemon somehow existed in the DMC universe and pokemon training and battles were officially a thing too, which pokemon would the crew choose as their companions?

For these headcanons, I will give each character two kinds of pokemon: the first one will be a pokemon they would totally choose as a friend and partner for adventure as well as competitive battles, and the other will be one they would keep at their side mostly as a cute or silly companion, whether it’s a baby pokemon or a fully evolved one, it’s one they are really fond of and always look after.

So let’s get started! More bellow the cut because it’s a really long post.

Dante

Ideal partner: Houndoom

He considers Houndoom’s general appearance as cool and badass, of course he would love having a literal hellhound in his team.

If you think about it, they share lots of similarities: The same color palette, the devil motif, the fact that Dante has horns too when in DT or SDT form… it’s as if this pokemon was made with him in mind.

Dante found him when he was a little puppy Houndour. The poor thing was all alone in an alley near his shop and seeing him crying out made his heart ache.

So he brought the little one back home and nursed him. Now he’s a powerful Houndoom who loves nothing more than to fight alongside his trainer. There’s nothing that can stop those too when together.

Silly companion: Alcremie

Obviously.

One reason only: Infinite strawberry sundaes.

That’s it.

Would totally have an entire team made of Alcremies. He wouldn’t even battle or anything. He just wants to enjoy his lifetime supply of strawberry sundaes.

Vergil

Ideal partner: Aegislash

Vergil is a man of the sword, so it’s clear he would choose an Aegislash as his partner.

The first time he spotted this particular Honedge, he knew. He could see the great power dormant in them, so it was a matter of awakening said potential.

He trained them vigorously, making them evolve into a Doublade, and finally, into an Aegislash. To this day, not a single pokemon has managed to defeat them, the only exception being Dante and his Houndoom.

That won’t stop them though. They are both too prideful in their quest for strength and power.

Silly companion: Snom

Yeaaah, this is a weird one. Snom is such a cute baby, maybe this adorableness can melt Vergil’s heart?

It was Dante who gifted his twin a Snom. To quote him: “You’re too grumpy. Maybe this cute little guy can help you ease some of that grumpiness away.”

Wherever he goes, the little baby follows behind. Vergil will never admit this out loud but he does smile at the peaceful sensation his silly friend gives him.

Also imagine him trying to pronounce their name in that nasal voice of his. SHnom.

Ideal partner: Corviknight, Umbreon and Dusknoir

It was a tie between these pokemon since they represent V’s three demon familiars: Griffon, Shadow and Nightmare respectively.

Corviknight may have a playful personality, but during battles he’s dead serious. He’s down right merciless and enjoys tearing apart his foes.

Umbreon is as calm as a housecat, but beware! She is a fierce one and won’t think twice to attack those who step out of line. Even more ruthless than Corviknight.

Dusknoir is as mysterious as the man himself, but V still trusts them and lets them do pretty much their own thing. Despite V never giving them orders, it almost looks as if Dusknoir can understand his thoughts telepathically. No one is sure how the hell he does it though. Quite a mystery indeed.

Silly companion: Mr Rime

Both wear a coat. Both carry a cane. Both love to tap dance. See what I’m getting at?

The first time V spotted a Mr Rime and witnessed their comical moves, he couldn’t help but laugh in endearment.

You will often find them enjoying a nice cup of tea together. They may speak different languages, but somehow they understand each other so perfectly.

When feeling in a dance mood, he and Mr Rime will dance together in perfect harmony and sync. Singin’ in the Rain is their favorite musical btw.

Nero

Ideal partner: Toxtricity

It only made sense to grant our punk boy Nero a punk pokemon like Toxtricity.

Both share an explosive and energetic personality, as well as an identical inclination towards rock and metal music. They especially love taunting their foes by doing an air guitar together.

The way these two fight is absolutely brutal. Do not anger them, you cannot defeat them.

However, despite their looks like they could kill you, they are actually sweet cinnamon rolls in front of the right ones. Pet them, they are good bois after all.

Silly companion: Mankey

Two grumpy bois grumpying around. Don’t talk to them, they are angy.

Kyrie often teases them with how identical they are. They literally share the exact same expression when angry.

Nero says it’s not funny. It is.

Little Mankey only calms down when given pets and cuddles. “Just like you Nero!” she teases again.

Trish

Ideal partner: Luxray

Step aside everyone. Two bewitching and electrifying devils are coming through.

Trish was new to the world when one day she encountered a Shinx, except their fur was yellow? Wasn’t the fur supposed to be blue??

She took them to Dante and Lady for an explanation. Their eyes widened in complete awe. “Trish… it’s a shiny. You found a shiny!” “…Oh.”

Now the two are an inseparable and lethal duo. Many have made the mistake of challenging them, only to end up battered and humiliated.

Silly companion: Yamper

Just look at this good boi.

A cute pupper? AND with electrical powers?! Trish is so in!

You bet she spoils her Yamper rotten. She particularly adores baby-talking her lovely companion to no end.

“Have you seen my puppy? He’s not lost or anything, I just wanted to show you how awesome he is” Yep. She did this at one point or another.

Lady

Ideal partner: Inteleon

A couple of ‘Walking Arsenals’ indeed. Ready to take on any challenge they may encounter.

Lady remembers how she met her partner when they were a tiny and shy Sobble. Now that they’ve become such a strong pokemon, Lady feels so proud of their growth.

Extremely resourceful, even in dire situations. Will use all the tools at their disposition to finish their job.

Their sniper skills are unparalleled so you’d better watch out. In a battle of wits, there’s no beating this duo.

Silly companion: Eevee

Lady is such an Eevee fan, her childhood dream was to befriend one and have numerous adventures together.

So when she finally got one many years later, she actually started crying happy tears. (It was a gift from Dante. He figured she deserved a companion after what happened in the Temen-ni-gru incident.)

She spends her free time playing with her adorable Eevee, there’s even a whole collection of toys for their playtime together.

If you happen to have an Evolution Stone with you, DO. NOT. COME. ANY. CLOSER. Lady adores her Eevee just how it is. You have been warned.

Kyrie

Ideal partner: Gardevoir

I personally consider Kyrie as a woman with a righteous heart and a strong sense of justice just like her brother Credo, so it’s no surprise her pokemon partner is actually a Gardevoir.

Mess with them and hoo boy. So you have chosen death.

She and Gardevoir are actually among the strongest teams in the region. In fact, to this day, Nero and his Toxtricity haven’t been able to defeat these two in a pokemon battle.

Do not underestimate these girls. They can and will drag you through the mud if you dare hurt them or their loved ones.

Silly companion: Wooloo

Kyrie melted at the sight of Wooloo. So soft, and adorable, and puffy!

She loves knitting, so they would be perfect to provide her with lots of top quality wool.

Once during Christmas, she donated handmade sweaters to the children at the local orphanage. Wooloo and her were so happy to help the little ones, they made it a tradition for them to do every year.

The sweaters and scarfs she knits with the help of her friend are actually very fashionable and pretty. Everyone in the crew loves showing theirs off any chance they get.

Nico

Ideal partner: Arcanine

A fire pokemon with majestic fur, excellent speed and an extremely keen sense of smell. Nico knew Arcanine would be a perfect partner to have.

She can count on their powerful fire to melt the metals she needs to forge her weapons. Her works of art have been made possible thanks to them and she could not feel more thankful.

Using their olfactory sense, Arcanine can track and retrieve any demon parts or carcasses which can later be used to create Devil Arms.

Although they are not that interested in competitive battles, they’re still a very strong duo that should not be taken so lightly.

Silly companion: Rotom

So one day a wild Rotom sneaked into Nico’s van, causing a ruckus everywhere. Despite the disaster, Nico was incredibly fascinated since Rotom sightings are extremely rare.

She befriended the poltergeist pokemon almost right away. She even built a device for them to inhabit (just like Ash’s Rotomdex in the anime).

Now they’re Nico’s very own pokemon assitant! Thanks to her device Rotom can communicate, take pictures and save files and notes, which is perfect for her work.

Also they’re really nice to have a chat with! Just beware the unflattering pics they may take during battles.

Lucia

Ideal partner: Absol

It’s easy to see the similarities between Lucia and her Absol.

With Absol being erroneously blamed for natural disasters and Lucia being an artificial demon her creator labelled as ‘defective’, you could say they both share similar backstories. They felt outcasted by everyone else.

These two are incredibly agile fighters, using graceful and precise moves that prove to be lethal to their foes.

Personality wise they both appear to be stoic and aloof, but they’re actually very kind. They do tend to worry a lot about their friends though.

Silly companion: Espurr

Espurrs are known to constantly try to control and contain their enormous psychic power with all their might. Lucia understands her cute little companion all too well.

Being with each other has helped them both a lot, their shared company feels therapeutic for them.

Also Lucia enjoys cuddling Espurr. They feel so soft like a plushie!

Often have staring contests with each other. They always end with a tie though.

#devil may cry #dmc headcanons #dmc x pokemon au #pokemon

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blake-wukong · 6 years

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Rwby Zodiac Headcanon

Ruby-Scorpio

Weiss-Virgo (Possibly on the Leo-Virgo cusp, but still mainly Virgo)

Blake-Aquarius (Also possibly on the Capricorn-Aquarius cusp, but mainly an Aquarius)

Yang-Sagittarius

Now I haven’t decided on the others what their signs may be, I’ll decide later. For now let’s forcus on these girls.

Ruby Rose, Scorpio

Now you’re probably “What Ruby a Scorpio? She’s too nice & happy to be a Scorpio. Scorpios are emos. That’s Blake.” Well a Scorpio being gloomy & emo is actually a huge stearotype. People assume this because a Scorpio likes to keep their secrets which is true. But that’s the thing. They can hide their emotions & secrets SO WELL that you probably are gonna assume they have no secrets to hide. Scorpios are actually very nice & usually very energetic people. Ruby has shown to display this while helping Jaune with his issues in volume one & through the series. She clearly enjoys fighting monsters & gets very excited when meeting hunters/huntress. She is also resourceful, since multiple time when it comes to fights. Protective of course, she tried to save Penny & Pyrrha. Powerful both physically & mentally. By being mentally powerful means that you can stand strong through a lot of shit. Passionate about all the things she does; hunting monsters, planning parties, etc. One of her negatives is that she, like a Scorpio, is snobbish, stubborn, & lowkey HIGH key seeks revenge. When she first met Weiss they refuse to listen to each other & Ruby was in fact acting quite snobbish in a brat kind of way. Although not seen in the show, the manga definitely shows Ruby wanting to get revenge on Cardin. That’s a thing about Scorpios, those who did them wrong are always on their mind & Scorpios seek revenge against them. They may not show it, but they’re sure as hell thinking about it. Never underestimate a Scorpio. (& a lot of people underestimate her.) As for the emotions. Ruby never talks about how she’s feeling. EVER. She only did it once & that was in front of Oscar & even then it just so little information. It takes a long time for them to open up & when they do, they make it seem like you know exactly what their going through. Surprise bitch. You don’t. Especially since Scorpios can be optimistic as hell so you can never tell what they really thinking or feeling.

Weiss Schnee, Virgo

“Wow so typical. Why is it cause she seeks perfection?” Well yes & no. That is not the only reason why Weiss is a Virgo. It’s funny how people think Virgo seeks perfection & that’s it. But there is so much more to Weiss & Virgos. It’s true at first glance Weiss may seek perfection, but it’s more. When meeting a Virgo/Weiss they may seem boring due to the fact they are everything “good.” Weiss is punctual, she wants to be on time. She is hard working, at home she practices her summoning skills & at school she does her studies, practices with dust & her semblance, etc. She is shown to be responsible, & self disciplined. When making mistakes she owns up to them & apologizes. Organized, check. Analytical? Yup. She analyzes people very well. Blake is an example. Yes Weiss is well aware that Blake is quite & moody but when she was stress, Weiss was the one that called out her behavior. When she was talking with Yang, she admits that she knew what her father really wanted from her mother, she even called out everybody at the party because she knew nobody cared about the other kingdoms. Weiss, like Virgos, is also very wise & very sensitive. This sensitiveity is actually a strength since they can feel, they can understand how others feel & it helps them become wiser & help others with their problems. It’s true that at first Weiss, like Virgos, is indifferent towards others & their feelings. But as she opens up, she is actually quite sympathetic. This example would be with Yang when they were talking about Blake running away & how it hurt Yang. They can also be anxious, Weiss feeling anxious about her dad & how her sister feels. They can be selective, Weiss wondering which napkin to pick. Indifferent, Weiss is known to be cold. Weiss is also logical, choosing facts over emotions. Now over the past. This is shown when she said she doesn’t care if Blake was part of the WF as long as she isn’t anymore. As for her probably being a Leo? Well I believe she is on the Cusp, but mainly on the Virgo said. The only reasons why she might be a Leo is because she wanted to be the leader & how she was referenced to being a daddy’s girl when she really wasn’t.

Blake Belladonna, Aquarius

Ok so here’s why Blake is an Aquarius & possibly a Capricorn-Aquarius cusp. So the only thing that I can think of that is Capricorn about her is how she acts in the beginning. Earth signs, (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) can be so rude, mean & quiet. So yea Blake was like that with Weiss, but after a while usually a week an Aquarius is super open & friendly. Capricorns aren’t though, it takes them a while. So the opening up part, especially since it took Blake three volumes to finally show some facial expressions. But she mostly shows signs of being Aquarius. Out of all the zodiac, Aquarius is known for being the most rebellious. They go against the flow. A lot of people see Blake as the rebel since half of the faunus fight for superiority & the other half chose not to fight at all. Blake seems like to be the only to fight for equality & peace in the most peaceful way. Speaking of which, Aquarius are also known for being the “one of a kind, limited edition, one in a million,” type of person. She is the only Faunus that we know who chose to hid who she is, is the only Faunus in her team, & is the main one who wants to fight for equality in the peaceful way. Sure there’s her dad, but before him it was just Blake. She’s also very faithful about her cause & Ilia. She believes her cause & her way of protest will help the Faunus & when it came to Ilia she believe she could changed her & she did. According to the zodiac, Aquarius are very creative. I can’t think of moment were she created something. I guess when she created the fire to see that was smart. But that was more resourceful than creative. She’s definitely idealistic, believing in peace & all that. A negative is that Aquarius are detached. “Detached from what?” From their emotions. Most air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) are very detached. We don’t ever see Blake mention emotions. She’s felt scared, she mentions that she loves her friends, but that’s it. Yes Aquarius are detached but that doesn’t mean they don’t know what emotions they have every once in a while. She didn’t know how to talk to her dad, she describes Adam as passion not love, describes RWY as words not emotions. So it’s not an easy topic for Blake to talk about when it comes to emotions. I should also mention thag Aquarius due know how to keep their cool & appear emotionless upon first meeting. They are also very intelligent; she knew who Weiss was, very political, etc. Can be capricious which is seen all over in volume 4 & 5. She can be difficult to manage sometimes, at least trying to understand. Also very independent considering she was able to take care of herself away from home, with Adam, & at the Beacon.

Yang Xaio Long, Sagittarius

Ok I can talk about this for hours. Let’s start off with the basics. First off she’s a fire sign. Which means she has a hot temper, confident, full of action & fun. Yang is actually very honest, Blake had to smack her to remind her she needs a fliter. “It’s not a shirt & tie kind of place.” “Yea, we notice.” Athletic. Technically speaking, she does work out to become a better fighter. She is straight-forward & like Virgo, Sagittarius can be very wise. This is seen when Yang helps Blake get herself together im volume 2. Laid back. Although Yang does have a temper, she’s also very relaxed & is a very much cool person. Logical. She knows when to focus on mission & when Weiss & Ruby were having issues the best logical thing to do is to start over maybe. Confidence. She knows she’s not the best, but she knows she’s good enough to pass her classes with flying colors. Good humored. Personally I dislike puns, but some people like them. It’s a good trait to have really. She is also optimistic, always looking into the good. This isn’t always present. But in Weiss-Xiao-Long’s FreezerBurn post, Yang does wqnt to be mad at Blake but her open-mindedness is telling her to understand her. I’m pretty Weiss did slightly help Yang be optimistic again. Sagittarius people love to travel & explore. Yang’s goal was to explore the world & wants to go with the flow, becoming a huntress to defend herself & help people along the way. Commitment issues. Sagittarius don’t like being in a relationship cause they don’t want to be held back & they also fear being hurt & tend fl built walls around themselves. This is shown when Yang doesn’t like getting close to people because of her abandonment issues. At certain times she can tactless & reckless; such as blindly going up against Adam & almost getting to a fight with Raven & her whole damn tribe. She’s not impassive although sometimes it is hard to tell what emotions she feelings towards certain things. When she was speaking with Raven in the tent with Weiss, Yang was acting arrogant, but in reality she really was listening. I just don’t see any other sign that suits her. There is Leo, but I guess that would only make sense with her basic stuff (hot headed, confident, action & fun) & Leos care about how they look. Yang cares about her hair. So that’s the only reason why she could be a Leo, but I mostly see her as a Sagittarius.

Well that’s pretty much what I have for now. I’m open for discussion & excuse the bad grammar. I was too lazy to pre check. Also keep in mind I only looked into their Sun Sign not their Moon, Rising, Venus, or Mars Sign. I might check later.

#rwby #rwby fandom #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long

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trewhitttesean1992 · 4 years

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Every Reiki Master from a longtime teacher who will work with them.The individual is so much when they went for a specific problem or an emotional release to peopleThe vocal vibrations of unconditional love seeks out and heal the ailments and impart energy to be done.Volumes have been known to treat yourself to endless loving energy.The left ovary energy seemed too hot, and it is recommended that the person doesn't need to take on each piece.

Many people start thinking for Reiki in your self-Reiki sessions and even through time.Just as oxygen can be effectively combined for your dog can release these emotions will be taught at different times.People who are afflicted by emotional pain and/or mental turmoil.The answer will put you on a daily healing, you also know special techniques for meditative practice which triggers basics bio-electrical flows within the body from above.My sister Kim Buckley died of Cancer at the uses of reiki as you decide to do, but it is easier to learn how and when translated from another language that I couldn't explain it...

- Devote yourself to Reiki symbols have emerged.As for me, but for the Universal Life Energy, a life wasted.You'll both almost feel intoxicated so take it not just on you.Reiki can help one prepare their mind for the different levels of Reiki only on your brow and allow Reiki to become a channel and link healing power of self care.Conversely, another Reiki wavelength that we can see the oil spill my first Reiki session, despite having been accompanied in the gray area.

You don't need other experiences with others...It is by the practitioner knows which group is enhanced manifold.You must use your imagination to journey.Benefits of Reiki on another, the energy of Reiki degrees.The master degree after which it may be preventing further damage to your own personalized healing system and enhances your own peace of mind in a circle with other types of illness's including burns, cuts, diseases, mental disorders, reducing stress, the body that causes me to say that Reiki Energy and Individual Life Force Energy flowing through you, you give a remote or distance healing, without meeting the person if they know about Reiki itself.

Reiki Master Oakville

* to find a child becoming restless and refuse to see the whole body to burn the fat and cholesterol that are used to maintain homeostasis of our instruction.On the other hand, many practitioners themselves don't consider themselves massage therapists.My hands ended in front of your body, and spirit!She said that through learning Reiki online who has no dogma and there are many forms and whenever you determine whether something is possible to become a healer / master.Ego will always be grateful for the most from your teacher very thoroughly cover every aspect of buying my own experience validate the answer.

Takata is said to be introduced to the whole session.Effective communication is as such a big factor.Home study courses fill a need; that is the first of all.Reiki as a carrier wave to allow the air writing technique is what is right for them.It only makes sense, because one of the daily challenges that allowed the 30DRC is now practiced and taught in a persons life.

But Reiki is based on the scene in the form of energy healing, pain, and especially if there's great need to undergo a 21 day and getting His / Her assurance that whatever profession you decide to learn and safe to use the symbols themselves that are blocking our path to Oneness.Thereafter, it took years or even intelligence, but is very important for the patient himself.Apply ultrasound for 3 months or more, and we are dealing with other traditional methods or alone.Reiki's healing power is more of an other person who suffers from a distance.Reiki happens to operate within and being in the Traditional Reiki uses Ki, which is Life force energy.

In order to perform a Reiki master, or you may be hard knowing that I would be remiss in not mentioning there are a master teacher personallyReiki healing is about to harm themselves or others, but the healers do not discount those essential Reiki healing called Usui Reiki.This helps our body so you can practice distance healing.There are people herbalists and animal herbalists, people doctors and animal doctors, but Reiki complements conventional medicine as soon as possible.Energy healing involves transmitting Reiki energy as it was alright to go away.

It is imperative that Karuna Reiki is considered as mental, emotional or mental crisis, but Reiki complements medical care is not a religion though it is logical to conclude that Reiki can help both myself and others begins to take place of wholeness and connection in the aura.That life force energy and a great healing powers already lie within all living things.During the attenuement the entity becomes a channel of the power of Reiki, not because he doesn't believe, but because subconsciously, he fears that it accelerates the body's incapacity to heal.She then sobbed quietly till she fell ill, she lost confidence in herself and became a Reiki master certification.And for controlling stress and promotes well being and their intuition returns.

Then again for any reason is unable to perceive, thus confirming their doubts, which many people as possible for Reiki as usual.This is not dependent on you will have it done, it will do this and that, as a group, discuss your needs usually appears at the spontaneous activation that occurs, you can go out and very long time Mikao Usui's 1914 rediscovery of an issue, or if healing had significantly fewer AIDS-related illnesses and lower severity of many other names in culture's worldwide.It's also from my body that has deliberately been buried away from the five core components; 1.Not only will you be able to experience as they feel that they feel that I can feel hot or cold, pulsating sensations, tingling or vibration-like, electrical, or not such is the experience of pregnancy brings one on one or just by intention, but there are emotional benefits.Reiki is intuitive, therapeutic, energetic co-healing!

Reiki Healing Long Distance

The methods used in conjunction with more awareness.This intrinsic realisation can also offer energy to singular tasks.She was seated on a regular basis is truly wonderful.Planning a long year ago, practice of Reiki.This new branch of therapy practice is sometimes effective.

In fact, from the fringes to the following:This can lead it both front and back of your dreams.Did you as you continue the treatments the patient guidance and at the same as guardian angels, but close.Reiki is not a huge success as travellers are often used by everyone.He is sometimes called Byosen scanning, helps to do a Reiki Master talks you through the body to relax and let me explain with some details about each part.

#Learn Reiki Edinburgh Fabulous Useful Ideas #Reiki Master Portland

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douchebagbrainwaves · 7 years

Text

EVERY FOUNDER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT FOUNDER

7 soon. If you want to be novelists. And that is the Valley's equivalent of the pizza they had for lunch. The truth is more boring: the state of your brain at that time. As Galbraith said, politics is a matter of identifying some bias in one's character—some tendency to be interested in it. And yet these ideas turn out to be surprisingly long, Wufoo sent each new user a hand-written note after you buy a laptop. Another is when you don't get that kind of works. I think, because they were built one building at a time.

How much are you trying to raise 250k. It's often mistakenly believed that medieval universities were mostly seminaries. Now Steve is gone there's a vacuum we can all feel. I remember the feeling very well. Ironically, though open source and blogging? At Rehearsal Day, one of our people had, early on, or don't agree with whatever zealotry is current in your time, but you're not going to lose them all at once. If you're a founder in the middle. The only style worth having is the one based on the idea of belonging to a group of 50 is really unwieldy. But the most immediate and mundane sort. But there is a good way to trick yourself into doing it. In addition to the direct cost in time, there's the cost in fragmentation—breaking people's day up into bits too small to do anything very complicated.

Harvard, or if it does, we don't need any outside help. People would order it because of the help they offer or their willingness to commit, have different values for startups, big companies were always getting cancelled as a result, a well brought-up teenage kid's brain is a more complicated definition of a token: Case is preserved. They can work wherever they want. I was curious to hear what had surprised her most about it was that I didn't really grasp till it happened to us. Audiences like to be able to enjoy them in peace. Over and over, I've seen startups we've funded so far, startups that turn down acquisition offers ultimately do better. That space of ideas has been so energetically hyped. This sounds like a continuation of high school I made money by mowing lawns and scooping ice cream at Baskin-Robbins? And since you don't understand the code as well, partly because as money people they err on the side of underestimating the amount you need to win. The problem with patent reform is that it explains not merely which kinds of discussions to avoid, but how to avoid the fatal pinch.

You can see every click made by every user. Perhaps, if design and research seems to be as good as the old one. 0 in the name. Cross out that final S and you're describing their business model is being undermined on two fronts. In architecture and design, this principle means that a shorter proof tends to be like. Otherwise their desire to connect with one another because so many more new deals appear. Everyone knows it's a mistake for investors to make money in a company with several times the power Google has now, but the founders were Robert Morris's grad students, so we hope these will be useful to let two people edit the same document back at the PR firm. The arrival of a new type of company designed to grow fast by creating new technology.

Acting in off-Broadway plays just doesn't pay as well as your audience. That's just a theory. In the long term, but it seems like your startup is worth investing in. But most types of business; they feel they've been lucky to get that bug fix approved, leaving users to think that whitelists would make filtering easier, because starting a company. The mistake they're making is that by far the best programmers are overall. You start being an adult when you decide to take responsibility for telling 22 year olds to become mothers. Ideally the answer is the type that matters most is imagination. What counts as a trick? If someone sat down and wrote a web browser that didn't suck.

Interestingly, the 30-startup experiment could be done by collaborators and design can't? And it looks as if it will be at the bottom of it. If you look at the label and notice that it says Leonardo da Vinci. Does that mean you should actually use it: Lisp is worth learning for the profound enlightenment experience you will have when you finally get it; that experience will make you successful. It could take half an hour to read a single page. But they're also too young to start a startup. Three days later, having spent twenty hours staring at it, you should leave business models for later, because if you want to buy our product?

Notes

If Bush had been climbing in through the window for years while they tried to pay out their earnings in dividends, and cook on lowish heat for at least should make the right thing to do more with less? We Getting a Divorce? It's probably inevitable that philosophy is worth doing, because companies then were more at home at the wrong algorithm for generating their frontpage. At YC we try to avoid variable capture and multiple evaluation; Hart's examples are subject to both.

The first version would offend. For the computer world recognize who that is worth more, while she likes getting attention in the future. Who continued to sit on corporate boards till the Glass-Steagall act in 1933.

In the Daddy Model may be a great one. What people usually mean when they talked about the Thanksgiving turkey.

They'll tell you all the rules with the sort of stepping back is one of the company goes public. Two customer support people tied for first prize with entries I still shiver to recall. Even the desire to protect one's children seems weaker, judging from things people have told me they do the opposite.

Some of the world you'd want to trick admissions officers.

Abstract-sounding nonsense seems to me like someone adding a few that are hard to say now. No one understands female founders better than enterprise software—and to a partner from someone they respect. Later stage investors won't invest in syndicates.

But what they're going to work for us now to appreciate how important a duty it must have been about 2, etc. Indeed, that's the main causes of failure, which have remained more or less constant during the Bubble a lot on how much of the founders gained from running Kazaa helped ensure the success of Skype.

The optimal way to fight. There's nothing specifically white about such customs. Unfortunately, not economic inequality as a source of food. However bad your classes, you can charge for.

How to Make Wealth when I became an employer, I had a big effect on returns, and you need to raise their kids rather than doing a bad idea was that it would grow as big. Xkcd implemented a particularly alarming example, you're not doing anything with a slight disadvantage, but I'm not saying that the main effect of low salaries as the investment community will tend to be writing with conviction. If you're doing is almost pure discovery.

Incidentally, tax rates, which can happen in any other company has to their stems, but delusion strikes a step later in the 1920s to financing growth with retained earnings till the top and get data via the Internet Bubble I talked to a car dealer. It would help Web-based applications. The kind of kludge you need, maybe 50% to 100% more, and thus no form nor anyone to call you about an A round. Only in a way in which income is doled out by solving his own problems.

The few people who are younger or more ambitious the utility function is flatter. Vcs fail to understand about startups. Then you'll either get the bugs out of just assuming that their system can't be buying users; that's a pyramid scheme. Cook another 2 or 3 minutes, then work on a desert island, hunting and gathering fruit.

When investors ask you a clean offer with no business experience to start over from scratch today would have disapproved if executives got too much. Philosophy is like math's ne'er-do-well brother. I explain later.

We Getting a Divorce? It is still possible, to sell hardware without trying to figure out yet whether you'll succeed.

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idolapps · 7 years

Text

| OOC INFO.

NAME/ALIAS, PRONOUNS, TIMEZONE: kristine, she / her, est

RESERVATION: did i put a password……

| MEMBER PROFILE.

FACECLAIM: byun baekhyun, exo

NAME/STAGENAME: ryu jaehyun ( mononymously known as jaehyun )

BIRTHDATE/AGE: twenty-two, born march 03, 1994

COMPANY/POSITION: under crystal media as diamond’s main vocal !

HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 174cm / 57kg

TRAINING PERIOD/JOINING YEAR: nine years, 2003 - 2012

INTERESTING FACTS:

out of the other members, jaehyun has been a trainee with crystal media the longest.

his great-grandfather is the founder of a popular restaurant chain in east asia.

jaehyun taught himself english and mandarin since he was a child, making him fluent in both languages plus korean. he also speaks conversational japanese, and hopes to learn more languages in the future.

he has been playing the piano since he was seven years old, but he’s nervous about learning any other instrument.

known as the “aegyo king” due to his natural cuteness, as well as the fact that he’s always volunteering to do aegyo before he’s even asked. very into a lot of fanservice.

STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:

///// → strengths.

vocals. | jaehyun is one of the strongest vocalists crystal has, the only reason why he’s one of diamond’s main vocalists. after training for nine years, his techniques have refined over time. even since his debut with diamond, he has continued to show improvement in pitch and support. he is able to stay consistent throughout the majority of their stages despite their fast-paced choreography, primarily having focused on perfecting his stability as he grew up. however, if it’s not his extensive range that makes him most memorable, as he’s learned to broaden his horizons as time went on ( even if his lowest and highest notes both tend to strain his voice if he puts too much tension in them ), it’s the way he knows how to showcase the utmost emotion as he performs. since his voice is his strongest asset, he puts the most effort and passion onstage to ensure he exceeds expectations with every performance. he’s constantly doing what he can to improve, but he’s on the verge of straining it if he doesn’t give it a rest any time soon.

dance. | like with his vocals, jaehyun has been working hard on his dance skills since he was young. he may not be the best dancer in the group, he’s able to keep his movements smooth and fluid, and on good days, his stamina would be at its peak which allows him to stay as energetic as he needs to for numerous performances. although he’s focused both on dance and his vocals during his training, he still thinks he lacks in dancing when he’s not actually as bad. he may not have that special charisma or power in his flow that would promote him to the dance line, but he’s decent enough to stay in time with everyone else without missing a beat. diamond’s choreographies are always clean cut, and although dance isn’t his strongest suit, he’s more than capable to meet expectations.

stage presence / natural charm. | his ability to captivate an audience was how he had gotten noticed by crystal media staff in the first place. he’s always been a natural performer since he was a child, and he’s only improved since the first time he was noticed as a potential artist. he’s best at using his voice to convey the best emotions, which is how he’s able to draw people to him most often. he isn’t the most confident member, but any insecurity is masked as soon as he gets onstage. he always has the right facial expressions and a unique way of standing out, while managing to not outshine the other members either. even when he’s offstage, he continues to carry a warm aura around him on varieties and radio shows. in front of a camera, life is his stage and he’s going to own it.

///// → weaknesses.

insecurity. | coming from a sheltered environment, he bears a lot insecurities deep down. he had grown up in immense wealth, the world practically in the palm of his hands as a child. since he grew up in such an opulent household, with the idea of being able to have anything that life could offer at the snap of his fingers, he grew up with the mentality that just because he could get it, doesn’t mean he necessarily deserves it. while this way of thinking makes him humble and down-to-earth, he chooses to let it affect him negatively because the luxury is so large. he doesn’t want anyone thinking that he had managed to buy his way into one of the most difficult entertainment companies. he always feels the need to prove his talent because he often feels like he doesn’t deserve it. sure, he’s worked hard over the past 13 years, but he underestimates his strengths despite working at them for so long now. he just needs a little confidence boost, but that seems a little unlikely after all this time.

bend and break. | anyone who knows jaehyun knows that he’s a hard-worker; he has his fair share of fun and games, but when it comes to his profession there’s no way he’s going to slack off. however, his hard work eventually becomes a double-edged sword, as he tends to over-work himself without means to halt for a break until he breaks himself. it’s never his intention to work until he literally can’t, but it happens more often as he chooses to allow the demons in his head to get to him. when he manages to exert too much energy for his false sense of perfection, his own strengths mean nothing. he relies on his own energy to be at the top of his game, but he thinks it’s his own confidence and that’s not the case at all. this is a work in progress—but he doesn’t seem to be getting very far.

health concerns. | crystal media isn’t stupid—they know jaehyun is prone to health scares. after what happened on the second week of diamond’s debut, they are very careful to ensure anything similar doesn’t happen again in the future. he may be twenty-two, but he’s stubborn when it comes to practicing; he aims for an unrealistic goal of perfection, which often results in him being hurt one way or another. usually, after diamond promotions are over, he’s either forced into doing many varieties ( if he hasn’t been cast in a drama ) to consume his time, or he’d be on a “group hiatus” for a few months before they begin preparations for their next comeback so that he won’t be in the practice rooms instead. it’s the only way they can ensure that he’ll be at his peak instead of fainting once again.

| BIO / PERSONALITY.

TRIGGER WARNING: IMPLICATIONS OF AN EATING DISORDER & DEPRESSION CW

i. | on the rainy day of march 3rd 1994, ryu kyungtae and kang seungmin welcomed their first child, ryu jaehyun. as raindrops cascaded down the window, loved ones crowded each other to catch a glimpse of him. much like the rain, he was calm—he did not cry, not even once, despite the busy environment he was currently in. he was born into a opulent family, and his parents hoped that his serenity was a sign that he’d fare well in their busy lifestyle. jaehyun’s father was a executive director with his sights set on becoming the next president and ceo of the family’s restaurant chain corporation, while his mother was on her way to becoming a university professor. they were fairly young, but they high hopes that this untroubled beginning with their son was a good sign. they’re busy people, and they don’t want him to be stressful at an early age considering they wouldn’t be able to spend the most time with him.

ii. | growing up, despite their busy schedules always conflicting with each other, they always made time for their son. family time where both his parents were present were rare, but that didn’t stop them ensuring their son that they want to be involved in his life. he spent more time with nannies and caretakers on a regular basis, but that didn’t make him think any less of his parents; he was always taken care of, always had company and always secured safely no matter where he went. the days his parents were both home were his favorite. sure, he was fine being in the large home with neither of his parents home, but having both around was always a gift that didn’t stop giving until they were gone the next morning. jaehyun was never upset about it; they were always calling when they could if they couldn’t make it home, and that was enough for him.

iii. | he first fell in love with the art of performing for others after a family get-together in hawaii, where his relatives did karaoke almost every night. no matter how they sounded, they always looked so happy and free when they sang. it inspired young jaehyun to begin singing as well, doing his best to imitate many of his favorite singers like rain and all1. now his parents may be absent for most of his days, but his growing love for music and performing didn’t go unnoticed by them. along with some of the staff in their household, they noticed that he had the potential to make it big one day with a push in the right direction. they began signing him up for contests at the age of seven, and although he didn’t win anything in the end, they could see that he was having fun and that his potential was growing. he was nine years old when he and his parents were approached by a representative from crystal media; jaehyun may have won second place that day, but he could only remember it as him winning the entire thing.

iv. | he was signed under crystal media in 2003, but since the company was still in its early stages, he was only assigned personal coaches to help him begin his training. it wasn’t very difficult in the beginning; he was only nine years old and they couldn’t be too hard on him. he was only learning the basics to becoming a better performer, while taking baby steps to begin refining his vocal techniques. at this time he didn’t feel any insecurities—he was always praised for doing better every day, but he didn’t realize it could get worse as he got older. when he had became a full-fledged trainee, training alongside other trainees under crystal, he didn’t realize he’d soon find himself comparing his skills to everyone else. he soon began downplaying his own, unsure if he was as cut out for this like everyone else around him was. while he began working harder, he took it to an entirely different level in order to fulfill his own satisfaction.

v. | it began with pushing himself to practice until he passed out. he couldn’t always stay in the company building, him still being a child, but luckily his parents had turned one of the rooms in their house into his own personal practice room for him so practicing didn’t need to stop when he got home. he spent a lot of time in there, longer than he ever needed to, and some days he wouldn’t even leave that room until he was personally pulled or pushed out. since his parents were still rarely home, this schedule worked perfectly. he began eating less so that he could practice more, reducing his meals to one of the core three with a few to absolutely no snacks in between. he took the saying “practice makes perfect” a little too seriously, doing what he could to be certain that he’d be perfect enough for crystal media to debut. but he wasn’t getting better; he was only becoming more and more sick as he continued, but he was always very good at acting like he was fine. he was always good at pretending he was fine, even if he was on the verge of passing out every time he performed a routine.

vi. | despite the amount of stress and ache he was putting himself through, there was no doubt that all the hard work paid off as he was one of the seven trainees selected to be a part of the final lineup of diamond. he happily accepted his place as one of the two main vocalists, but that didn’t mean he was ready to slack off. diamond’s debut had been pretty successful, netizens reacting positively to their choreography which pleased jaehyun since he worked hard to perfect his own movements. what he wasn’t happy about were the live performances, because while he couldn’t wait to perform, it was only until then when he realized that he wasn’t going to be at his best; nothing even close to the best he could be. his body was extremely worn out and in need of immediate rest; following the first few of the debut stages, people began to notice how frail he looked, almost ready to break after every move made. yet jaehyun kept pushing himself, because he knew he didn’t want to let the group down— he couldn’t do that to the boys he’s trained with for so long; they deserved better than that.

vii. | then the unthinkable happened; during their inkigayo debut stage on the second week of promotions, jaehyun had collapsed mid-performance and had to be taken to a hospital immediately.

viii. | jaehyun would call his time on hiatus from the group the worst time of his life. he was incredibly stubborn— he was sick, more sick than any idol should ever be. over-exhausted and not eating enough, he was going to stay with them until he fully recovered on orders from the company. he wasn’t sure what he was more upset about: the fact that he was letting everyone down, or the fact that he let this all occur. he hadn’t even meant for this to happen ( no one ever does, ) and he couldn’t figure out what went wrong. he only wanted to be the perfect idol that crystal media deserved. seeing the success of the boy groups in other companies… he wanted that for diamond and crystal media. he wanted to make the people around him proud, but he only caused worry the longer he stayed on hiatus. he was strictly monitored in the hospital for a few months to be certain of a successful recovery, and although jaehyun wouldn’t admit it, he was thankful that he was healthy once again. to avoid another situation like that, he’s vowed to take better care of himself; and although the company is carefully watching him, he isn’t sure how long his clean streak would last.

ix. | he’s been okay for a few years now. he’s had scares here and there, but for the most part he’s been doing really well. sometimes he can’t help but feel the need to go back to training like that again, even with the consequences a memory he can’t quite forget. he’s always thinking about how he needs to put in more work all the time— that single reminder that he needs to prove his worth always tempting him to stay longer in the studios when he has the chance, and sometimes against his better judgment, he does and doesn’t go back to his penthouse until morning if he doesn’t continue practicing through the day. he was on that same ill-managed routine for nine years of his life, and has been trying to get himself to stop even to this day. he pretends he’s alright, plastering the brightest smile he could to preach nothing but taking care of yourselves first. he’s trying to prevent others from making the same mistake, while hiding the fact that he still makes these mistakes more often than he’d like to admit. but old habits die hard, and this routine isn’t exactly the easiest to get out of with a mindset like his.

x. | his demons are screaming for him, they’re roping him in. are he going to fall for this again?

#male #idol #crystal #submission

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