#and he doesnt even think he deserves it bc its not even his bday | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starz4valen · 5 months

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queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer community #in need of advice #queer advice #aroace #aromantic #asexual #bisexual #questioning #help. me.#utterly confused 💥

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joyboyish · 1 year

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luffy bday hcs!

luffy started his journey on his 17th birthday, and saobadoby happends some time before his 18th birthday. its not clear how long it is but fans think luffys journey was around 4-6 months, so he never celebrated his birthday w them, so he didnt think they knew it anyways.. he usually forgets his birthday and they (assumably) didnt know so he didnt think much of it

so the day comes, and low and behold... luffy forgot.

ace told the strawhats when luffys birthday was during their time in alabasta though, and nami made a point to put it on the calendar in the girls dorm, since luffy only ever comes inside so robin will tell him and chopper a bedtime story (usopp and robin alternate)

about a month before his birthday, nami started her mission.

luffy does so much for them without even realizing, he deserves a good birthday!!

granted for as many issues hes solved hes probably started 3 more

she told everyone in advance to start getting gifts, as well as party decorations, so everytime they stopped at an island they could keep an eye out for him.

she puts sanji incharge of the food (obviously) and he decides to make the biggest cake possible, tons of different meat, ramen, onigiri, oden.. whatever you can name, he probably made it.

chopper and usopp were in charge of decorations. they got a piñata, streamers, balloons, etc... they wanted it to look as cool as possible

zoro was incharge of drinks, nami said he was allowed to bring as much sake as he wanted, as long as he got equally as much drinks that luffy likes

so when the day comes, the sunny is rested at an island usopp takes him around all day showing him around and have him trying new foods etc... he was having so much fun!!!

when the sun starts to set, usopp tells luffy that they should probably head back

luffy opens the door to the kitchen and then...

"SUPRISE!!"

it takes a while for luffy to register what happened, and he cant for the life of him figure out whats happening, so he pulls usopps arm and takes him aside to ask

"usopppp!!!" he whispers (fairly loudly at that) "what are we celebrating!! is it your birthday?"

at first usopp laughs... then he realizes he was serious...

after nami hit his head a few times they start to celebrate

zoro got luffy a card (lazy ass) he cares so much for luffy and his crew mates and doesnt know how to say it, so the card is fine. luffy doesnt mind either, he loves it in fact. the front was plain and just said happy birthday, but the inside... oh the inside. zoro and chopper drew the whole crew, its messy and doesnt look good at all, theres spilled ink everywhere despite it being drawn in crayon, and a small note at the bottom that says "thank you for being my best friend" he denies writting it but it still makes luffy ugly cry

nami decides to take 300,000 berries off his debt to her.. he was incredibly thankful. she also lets him pick which needle to follow next on her log pose

usopp got him some food and decorations for his beetles collection!!! he made tiny pieces of furniture for the beetles. luffy thinks its so funny

sanji made him food. but he promised to make all of his faves for the rest of the week

chopper gets luffy some new sandals and he even found a rare beetle on the island.

robin gets luffy books that give fun facts about beetles and frogs! she reads it to him bc he cant sit still since hes so excited 😭, when she gets to a fun fact he didnt know he grabs onto her and shakes her a bit, then runs to tell zoro

franky made a mini robot for his beetles to ride, and its literally the funniest thing ever

brook composes a new song about luffy called "the pirate king" :')

jinbei gave him a gift ace gave him a while ago, it was something minor like a letter, jinbei tells him that luffy would take care of it better than he would and luffy frames it in the kitchen

after that luffy says he to have a sleepover with everyone, they usually only have one sleepover a week but they made an exception

in the past luffy never enjoyed his bday, it was just another day to him after all.. but if all of his birthdays were going to be like this from now on? maybe its worth it

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t0bey · 2 years

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hey tobes what do u think of the Aesop, Anne, Ganji, Victor match in general?? n what's ur personal breakdown of it?

i have my personal gripes with certain characterizations. mostly ganji bc it feels like they really lay in on the aggressive characterization for him in victor's 2nd letter/aesop's 3rd on top of him being so susceptible to the drug manipulation? which was a personal letdown for me because so much of his major essences focus on the side of him that refuses to be manipulated, and how he’s more of a “take no shit” kind of guy. he deserved so much better than what he got

im fine with aesop murdering people and tbh its very obvious he was never going to be a good guy or have a change of heart to me. i just wish they elaborated more on WHY he became the way he is or even mention jerry at least once in his 3rd letter, considering his huge importance to aesop's character as a whole

victor i wish had more...agency, ig? its up in the air what his status is atm and we wont know for sure until his 3rd letter in december. i really like that they emphasized that both aesop and victor were mutually attracted to each other bc it makes so much sense considering their personalities but at the same time i hope that victor's 3rd letter will give us more than him just being aesop's embalming target. pretty much his lack of established agency is what annoys me for the time being.

anne i wish had more spotlight in their match and her importance in it between aesop and vic's letters, aside from likely influencing ganji with her own anxiety setting themselves up to be vulnerable enough for aesop to get the upper hand. like vic i wish she also had more agency in their match and it annoys me so bad that we're likely not going to get her perspective until like. 2 years because of idv's lore pacing being a pain in the ass with the bday letters.

i like these 4 as a matchup and they all have interesting similarities/contrasts in their characters (though definitely don't want to ignore that ganji's backstory regarding being manipulated and abused is rooted in racism and therefore feel that putting his backstory on the exact same playing field as aesop/anne/victor's own backstories doesnt feel right to me).

TL;DR: very interesting concept putting these 4 together but...questionable execution from our current knowledge of the group 3 match.

#ask #anon

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femmedesyeuxnoirs · 2 years

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can someone tell me if its normal to be mad ar this or im just being autistic. the guy ive been seeing set up this whole thing for my bday, he wrote me love letters, gave me chocolates, walked out from behind a tree to serenade me etc. And he gave me his old electric guitar that he had been using for years. Like. This is my first electric ever. And nobody has done anything like that before even the women in my life dont really care to be that kind and thoughtful… its weird to be given this affection and these gifts bc i feel like i dont deserve it. I took the guitar home and g was still half asleep she was like whoa he gave u his guitar?? I was already not in a good mood bc she keeps “borrowing” my stuff without permission and showed me that she doesny really care about my wellbeing or comfort. I realized after this guy did all these things for me… why am i doing all this stuff for a girl that doesnt even take me seriously or respect me at that level. I feel so alone. So im waiting for her to leave w her friend so i can be alone and at peace but she was like can i play ur guitar im like uhhh yeah. shes been playing it for like an hour when she knows that it was a gift given to me out of love and i literally just brought it home a couple hours ago. Idk it sounds dumb but it feels violating to like… have someone take my first instrument that ive yet to learn and just use it immediately after my lover gave it to me… Im just being childish i think this feeling will pass

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lettersformiah · 2 years

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9:19am, 8 aug

hi bubsy <3 i love you so much im in english right now and it so fucking boring. like we are just filling in the table of language features n shit and i do not care at all. mrs wilson didnt call my name on the roll so i hope she at least marked me present. but i hate her and i hate this class. thankfully only like 2 more terms of it to go ^-^ omgosh i just thought of it! today si the day you get your flowers >:] which means i cant upload this letter until after you get them and text me about them so i dont spoil the surprise! but yeah hehehe >:D i got some flowers sent to u bc obvs i cant cant get you any and i think you deserve some <3 im so sorry we havent been spending that much time together, its so fucking hard online bc i am so tired after work and dance and even just plain school and then when you are busy we cant call until late and by then im already so sleepy. i am very very sorry its so fucking hard recently but i still enjoy just sitting with you when i can. youre very very very lovely and i hope the flowers make u happy <3 mwahmwhawmahwmhamh other than that! i have a headache! but i get to hang out with kealan for a bit after school and chat so that will be nice bc i havent talked to him for like a few weeks? like properly talked ig? yesterday was mainly maya and leo chatting so i havent really hear about his life in a hot minute. thatll be fun. unless its raining then it absolutely wont be. oh! my dad is sick :( was a bit ill yesterday but this morning was even worse and didnt go to work. poor fella. i hope he feels better soon but at the very least i hope he doesnt give it to me bc as much as i hate it i do actually want to make it to gisborne this weekend. omg! my bday is saturday. so fucking weird. im gonna be old :D and our 6 month is tomorrow!! so the flowers are also for that, even though that wasnt at all what my intention for them was. they are bday flowers, anniversary flowers, and simply flowers because i love you. :D ! hehehe i love you soso smuch babba. i still have half an hour of this fuckin class left and my head achy and shit :( but ignoring that, the rest of my day will be all good and im excited to judt get home and eat bro. like i want a munch on the risotto and my chocolate and i want to talk to you. and then i have to deal with dance which will suck but this week i gotta actually go both days and im gonna try my best to enjoy it and be okay :D okok im gonna text u and tell u i wrote a letter so that u can remind me to post it after school. i love you!

i lub u so much and ur so so pretty and i cant wait to be able to give u a lil kiss on the cheek while ur sleepin cause ur sosos cute hehehhe >:D okok talk soon talk soon please wake up soon its unbearable without u <3 mwahwmahmwahmwah

-mads<3

#letters

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aquagustd · 2 years

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seriously jk cracked me up this chapter, its literally like

"jungkook whats wrong?"

"oh you know, sora dumped me *pops champagne* im devastated"

i enjoyed reading it so much.

something that really saddens me is how much im starting to doubt tae. i was so sure he would be a great partner to oc but now i dont think he would. i dont know if its intentional, but the way he's acting last couple of chapters feels like a switch with jungkook's character. when tae's introduced to us, he's this really stable man, has a great, not illegal (i hope) job, and he seems like a perfect opportunity for oc to finally settle down and find someone loving and caring. when we first see jk he's a dick, he's there then he disappears, appears again when its conventional for him, but he's never really there for oc and barely there for their son. gradually, we see jk turn into a man tae once was and tae became the way jk was in the beginning (he leaves when things dont go his way and doesnt answer oc's calls or texts but we know he's fine and having fun with other people) while jk tried so hard to be a better father, oc's support system and even buys a factory to run a "normal" business (im still not sure if he's honest about that but lets say he is for the sake of it). that being said, i really hope oc doesnt end up with either of them lmao it would be nice if jk and oc were to have a healthy co-parenting relationship but nothing beyond that. neither of them actually deserve her, poor girl always one of them is stressing her out, if its not tae then its jk.

also, i really like sora? i feel like its a very unpopular opinion but she is so interesting to me. i always imagined her as devon so i was happy when i found out we imagined the same, but after watching eve's scandal i see her as sora idk maybe its bc of the name (if you like to watch kdramas, i highly recommend bc acting is just top tier). if she was the main character i think more people would like her too, but we naturally lean towards the oc bc a lot of people think oc characters in general need to be these perfect could-never-do-anything-wrong type of characters. also why people get mad when oc does smth stupid ??? yeah people make mistakes, dont you? i also kinda wish there would be sora x jimin spin off (i know you only write oc ff, but a person can hope 🥲) i would read this shit of it even if its just them being business partners and friends.

sorry for the long message but i really appreciate your time and effort to create these stories, thank you so much. remember to stay hydrated and take care of yourself, much love

thank you so much for reading & dropping your thoughts <33

i’m gonna be honest. tae & jk’s character hasn’t switched tbh. tae did ONE thing wrong that affected oc & hurt her feelings which was him ignoring her. which doesn’t compare to anything jk did tbh.

tae is the owner of a hotel chain !! they haven’t switched personalities at all :/ jk isn’t becoming the man tae was in the beginning.

it fascinates me when people say they like sora. you’re right maybe some readers would like her if she was the oc. but tbh then we’d get her pov so we’d know that she doesn’t like junho at all :/ and she’s fake with him all the time. even jungkook can’t pick up on that. but it was evident when she was sulking throughout junho’s bday party and then complained that jungkook was wasting money on his son. maybe it’s bc i know more about her but imo i don’t think many readers would like her if she was the oc. her backstory is interesting but she’s really not a good person.

but that’s bc i know more about her maybe 👁

#fic: hie #squishies

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piscesgirl87 · 1 year

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its obvious reem & marina dont get along 😂 she organised tracy bday celebrations. reem wasnt there even though she is close to tracy & laura & leah who were there too. did marina not invite her? why? we have seen reem hang out with tracy multiple times, her & paddy went to greece with tracy & jesse more than once. how come we never see her hanging out with marina & her husband eli? how come we never see her traveling with them? jesse was at paddy’s last bday party organised by reem. im guessing tracy was there too. but not marina 😂 reem didnt invite her did she 😂 good on marina for not inviting her then! reem is always leaving her out so now she got taste of her own medicine 😂 u would think we would see reem, paddy, marina & eli hanging out together a lot since paddy & marina live right across from each other. well they used to hang out a lot, paddy & marina used to be bffs, they were very close, he liked & commented on her ig photos a lot until reem came along & fucking ruined everything! fuck her! ever since he started dating her he stopped doing all that. i think reem told him to stop. i think she told him to keep his distance from marina bc she is jealous of how close they are 😂 she come across as a very jealous, insecure, controlling, abusive gf! im surprised she let him live across the street from marina. surprised she didnt tell him to get new home 😂somewhere far away from marina! is she going to be ok if paddy & marina’s characters on cpd get back together & they have to make out & maybe have sex scenes? 😂 what does it say about reem that marina is married & she is still jealous of her & paddy friendship? how insecure is she? 😂 i pray this is the year she & paddy finally break up! she doesnt deserve him! she is not good for him! they dont really love each other! only reason paddy with someone so much younger than him like reem is bc it makes him feel young & he doesnt want to let go of his youth! but he needs to man up & dump reem & date torrey! paddy & torrey are perfect for each other! only reason reem is with paddy is bc she is fame wh0re! she dont love him! she is only with him bc he is on successful show & she love attention that come from being his gf!she wouldnt be getting 1/4 of all this attention if she werent his gf! she woulve never been on dick wolf show if she werent his gf! he probably helped her get other acting jobs & modeling jobs too 😂 when cpd ends or if someone famous & more connected in hollywood wants to date reem she will dump paddy right away 😂 its sad her biggest accomplishment in life is being someones gf. thats all she will ever be 😂 her dad must be proud of her & her mum must be looking up or down proud too! its also obvious she made paddy get cosmetic surgery. she made him get face & lip fillers just like she did! she is very insecure & made him insecure too! jesse & laroyce age well but not paddy! he age poorly! side effect from surgery! he started gaining too much weight after he start dating reem! must also be side effect from surgery! or bc of alcohol & drug problem & depression which he got after he start dating her! the sooner paddy & reem break up the better for him!

Ok wasn’t gonna bother to resound but

1. What even is this message

2. Reem is AMAZING and beautiful and talented and is VERY supportive of Paddy and his friends on CPD

3. Paddy and marina are best friends and have been since the beginning

4. Marina never shares pics of her husband- she’s private about it

5. They don’t ALL have to Hang out 24/7

6. Marina is a mom. She can’t just jet off to Greece with all of them

7. Paddy is 🔥🔥🔥

8. You can kindly shut the fuck up

#I try not to respond but like lol wtf

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pigstepmp3-moved · 5 years

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gimme any headcanons you got on how buck and christopher make plans for/celebrate eddies bday!!!

eddie insists about a gazillion times that he doesnt want Anything for his birthday. he doesnt want any presents and he certainly doesnt want a big ol celebration. he says that just spending time with his two favorite guys is gift enough for him

buck decides that thats absurd. after all, eddie went all out for HIS birthday. and besides, eddies always been nothing but supportive and loving and wonderful, and bucks convinced that he deserves the entire world. if he cant give him the world, he’ll settle for giving him the Best Birthday Ever

one day, when eddies got work and buck + christopher get to stay home, buck decides that they Gotta start planning for the Best Birthday Ever

christopher is immediately On Board for giving his dad an amazing day. he thinks itd be weird if they Didnt go all out

they decide on smth simple but still very Special and Grand

luckily enough, all three of em have work + school off on eddies bday (buck may or may not have begged bobby to let them both have the day off. bobby was very begrudging about it, but what can he say? hes a sucker for romance)

when i say buck and christopher got up hella early, i mean HELLA early. we all know eddie wakes up at ass o’clock every morning, and buck is so not about that life. but its Worth it bc him and chris are gonna make eddie smile like a damn goofball!!

they make eddie a huge breakfast (well, Buck makes a huge breakfast. christopher helps out as much as he can). im talkin bacon, eggs, coffee, the Hugest stack of blueberry pancakes that buck could make, And a muffin w a lil birthday candle on top

they head in to surprise eddie w his special birthday breakfast, and as soon as eddie sits up and sees all the food, he MELTS. he tells buck that they didnt have to go through all the trouble, and buck just gives him this puzzled look before saying “um, of course we had to. its your birthday. you deserve an amazing day.” christopher gets the biggest grin on his face and v enthusiastically agrees.eddies not crying, he just has something in his eyes

after that, most of the day is pretty casual. the three of them mostly just cuddle on the couch and watch all of eddies favorite movies (all of them are rom coms. you can pry the “eddie loves rom coms” hc out of my cold, dead hands)

come dinner time, tho. THAT is bucks time to SHINE

buck tells eddie that the two of them are going Out. eddies like “what no we cant leave christopher home alone.” but oh-ho, little does eddie know, buck and chris got maddie in on the Whole Damn Thing. maddie shows up right then and there to babysit. eddies a lil reluctant at first, but maddie is nothing of not persuasive

(just before they leave, eddie sees maddie wink, nudge buck w her elbow, and whisper smth to him that makes him blush up a storm. u can color eddie confused at this point)

buck takes eddie out on a v swanky dinner (they dont go to one of those fancy restaurants that serve u bread tho. buck gets too many horrific flashbacks when he goes to those kinds of places)

buck is smoother and suaver than he has EVER been. he pulls eddies chair out for him and showers him in compliments the whole evening. at one point, eddie tells him, “babe. we’ve been together for ages now. you dont have to try and impress me anymore.” buck just gives him a coy smile and shrugs a little

as the evenings coming to a close, buck gets seemingly more and more nervous. eddie has never been more confused in his LIFE

eventually, buck goes on a whole spiel about how much he loves eddie, how much eddie means to him, how happy and how Loved hes felt since they got together. just as eddies about to ask him where this is all coming from, BAM. buck pulls a lil box out of his jacket pocket and is one knee before eddie even realizes whats happening

when buck finally gets the question out, “will you marry me?”, eddie starts BAWLING. he tries to keep it together long enough to say yes, but jesus, hes in love with the sweetest, most thoughtful man in the WORLD, literally Nobody could keep it together if they were in his position. so he just nods frantically, and the smile buck gives him could make the sun itself jealous. eddie pulls him up by the lapels of his jacket and kisses the hell out of buck while buck tries to blindly put the ring on eddies finger

the moment the ring is finally on eddies finger, it feels like every moment of his life has been leading up to this. he gives buck the widest, goofiest grin ever. it makes buck laugh w delight

later on, when they get home, long after chris has gone to bed, maddie gives them a very knowing look, asks, “how was dinner?” entirely too casual

“you knew about this?” “are you kidding me? of COURSE i knew about this. im the one who helped pick out the ring, goofball”

immediately after maddie leaves, eddie drags buck to bed to Properly Celebrate the fact that theyre getting married

when theyre both laying in bed, spent and exhausted and trying to catch their breaths, buck quietly says, “so. best birthday ever or what?” eddie just laughs, rolls his eyes, and kisses buck gently bc bucks Right but he doesnt wanna make buck anymore smug than he already is

#longer than intended but WHATEVER #my heart is soft in the chilis tonight #otp: you could have my back any day #kendall blabbers #lovelessmotel

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travellers-survivor-old-west · 4 years

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Episode 1 - “It's not my fault our team chose the same song as the other team” - Cas

Let the games begin..............................

we out here. i'm on the cute yellow tribe. the only person on my tribe rn is Nicole and I already like her. i hope there's an idol hidden under joe del campo's cowboy hat

* A couple seconds later*

FKDSAHKDJFS LMAOOOO MY GIRLFRIEND ASHLEY ON THE OTHER TRIBE AND SHE LOOKIN LIKE A KARDASHIAN IN HER VID

Very excited for this to start! Tribe seems nice so far get a good vibe from eve and Ashley for sure. Just gotta feel everyone out a lil more and see how this first challenge goes

OKAY sooo I'll keep this first one brief. My tribe is pretty cool. I love Jared, I'm a little bit worried though because 1) he knows I'm a snake and will be scared of me and 2) he'll prob be able to know I'm friends with Ashley, but otherwise, he's my number 1 on this tribe and my favorite person in the cast other than ash. Like I'm so blessed to be with him and I don't think he'd turn on me yet since we'll be loyal. This Nicole girl seeemd cool in her vid then never messaged me back. Dylan seems nice but I think he might have been in bermuda or somethin LOL i've def played with him before and have no clue from what.... Sammy is cool, know him from before. And then uhhh that weird kid who had a three second vid, I hope he's out first. Ashley is on the red tribe I think? I LOVE HER she's literally my best ORG friend and she hasn't played in forever. Hope we get to a swap or merge without her doing something dumb first akhfdj. Patrick seems familiar I know he's old school and won HOS so that's cool. Eve seems cool never played with her but is that the same eve that does the challenge minis bc if so she knows im gonna pop off. Keaton good. Isaac good lol although I'm scared he'll come after me bc one time in his confessionals for a game we were in (i think indonesia?) eh talked about how big of a threat I was oops. maybe ashley will get him out for me LOL. and that austin guy seems cute, second game only awww. Black tribe has chloe YAYAYAY love her and excited to play with her. I think I'm on okay terms with Nick again, at least I really hope so lol bc bbclue was a mess but we kind of made up in ihos.... Vi/Cas I don't rlly know. payton seems like rhone but with a little more hair and less elderly wisdom. aidan's vid was weird but glad he got to the point I'm looking forward to this :) but I hope my tribe gets more active soon.

Okay so- Howdy! This is your cowboy speaking. I am going to go over my general strategy for the game and what I have done so far. I want to play a very physically/socially-centered meathead kind of game- a James Clement if you will. I want to try and win every challenge that I participate in and if we lose, I want to have 1 alliance with the strongest players that I will be 100% unwaveringly loyal to. Pretty basic stuff. So my alliance is with Owen and Sammy, which oddly enough- the last 2 Big Brother games I played, they were the people who got me out, respectively. Owen/Dana/Quill in BOTS and Sammy in Legacy3. So it's a risky group but this is the strategy that I outlined for myself so I'm gonna stick to it. They will be my F3 and I will literally ride with them until the wheels fall off. Until the hooves fall off, in western speak. I have no clue if they will be loyal to the end or try to target me on some point, but I have to try to keep them from eating the apple, because I'm not going to flip as my one-dimensional gameplan will not allow that! I confirmed with both of them that this is a trio they are good with, and the Pika-Dudes were born. I think it would be pretty rewarding for me if I could actually get them to stick together and make it to the end. But they could have other alliances on this tribe and vote me out this round for all I know, but so far my perspective is that they seem loyal Lastly, I suggested that we do the song "Before He Cheats" for the challenge, and that's the first time a tribe has ever taken my suggestion for the song, so I'm happy with that. I'll check back in if we lose the comp :)

okay so first confessional...honestly I am super excited to play with some of the people in this game. But I am just gonna talk about the challenge right now, umm so it's a music video which means.....hosts hate me...because I am always the one having to edit:,( okay so everyone got their videos to me finally except Nicole sent one vertically after I clearly said "@all plz film horizontally" so I just said bippity boppity bye. She seems sweet though and I don't want her to go anywhere soon. Anyways, Jared approached me with the idea of an alliance with me, him, and Owen which I'm totally fine with but I don't think I want to work with Jared like long game because idk if I can trust him to be like loyal to me. He is one of my fav people I just know it's a game. However I think if we go to tribal I probably would vote either Nicole or Xander. Not much confess right now except I am on a tribe with casper and his friends bc everyone forgot how to talk. alright that's it for nowwww.

#FuckMichael

What the fuck is Terlingua on someone better pray for my dude Aidan

VL: Oops

Omg yay!!!! We are safe for first tribal which I love. I'm starting to form pretty good bonds with issac,eve,and ashley so hopefully I can get it to where we all link up together for some kind of alliance.

Well so far it seems that Aidan, Chloe, Nick and I are in same mind set of voting off Payton. We shall see if it actually goes through. It’s really sad Bc the judges are all biased so now we have to vote someone out. Editing isn’t easy at all DX. I’m so sorry Payton if you’re do get voted out. You should move to the us to survive a bit longer ;-;

So my back’s been killing me all day. I thought it was from sleeping funny but clearly its from carrying this damn tribe.

This weekend was so flipping busy. I'm trying to get caught up at work before vacation and Matthew is here. I don't feel like I've gotten to bond with my tribe much. I'm glad to see Dylan A. We've not really gotten to play together much because he always gets voted out early in games we play but I don't think he will come for me and he's a bigger target than I. I like my tribe a lot. Jared is really funny and Sammy kicked butt in the challenge. I've talked to Owen a tad. I'm glad we didn't lose because I deserved to go home. I didn't get back from Erica's bday thing until 4 and then it wouldn't let me use the song I bought some it is copyrighted so I only had 30 sec then I couldn't get it to film horizontal. I'm a big ol mess. Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaw! 😂

Whew okay so I don't know anyone on my tribe (kinda) which is good but also a bit scary since its just 6 of us. Overall, I feel like everyone's a bit quiet and not too talkative. That being said, they might be talking a bunch in PMs. Right now, I am trying to stay under the radar and just be friendly with everyone. I really like Austin, Eve and Patrick right now. Keaton and Isaac are nice too but I dont really talk to them as much. If we would have lost this first immunity challenge I would have definitely wanted to vote for one of them. No official alliances yet but its still early so I think its okay. THANK FUCKING GOD WE WON. Okay well, we got 2nd but thats a win in my eyes. I just really hope I make it to jury and I will be happy so not being first boot is GREAT. Im trying to get this damn idol but I cant catch a fucking break and my ass keeps getting zapped... I dont think anyone has gotten the idol yet so I hope i get lucky and somehow get to it first. Here is how I see everyone as of right now: Austin: Probably my fave right now and hoping I can get into a f2 with him. He's funny and sweet and I feel like we get along and its pretty easy to talk to him. Eve: Eve is iconic! Want to work with her but I feel like she is really social so she might be a threat later on. Pat: Same as Eve, even though I just met him, I actually have known about him before since he is friends with some of my friends. I know he does good in games so he is someone I would like to see leave a bit sooner since I think he will be hard to get rid of later. But hes amazing and his video for the music video was ICONIC. I can see him and I becoming friends for sure. Keaton: Not much to say, I do know keaton from playing a game with him in the past but he was voted out first I think and then I hosted him in HOS but i wasnt super active in that one :) Anyway, I feel like we dont have much to talk about so I need to make more of an effort with him. I really wouldnt care to see him go tbh but who knows, this can definitely change if we start talking more. Isaac: omg okay so night one I go into everyones PMs to say hi and i notice that I already had messages with him which I found super weird because I didnt know who he was but I guess we kind of got into it like 3 years ago??? I told him I didnt remember this but i do. He was basically an asshole to me for no fucking reason. But this was 3 years ago so i really dont care so I hope he doesnt try to target me over it. He seems nice I guess but I havnt really talked to him much. In his defense he has been sick apparently but if we would have gone into this first TC I would have wanted to see him voted out first for sure.

Confessional 1: So right off the bat I talk a lot to everyone but Payton but my main issue is he’s probably not going so I’m gonna need to vote out someone I genuinely like right away. I think I’m decently connected and unless these guys are pulling off the best blindside ever I think I might possibly be semi safe??? Who knows though there’s a lot left of game to play this round so let’s let’s see who the votes will land on. I’m kinda trying to indirectly get my way but it’s like just not working out lol.

Its been a fun couple of days, im talking to my tribe and just feeling them out. Im very happy I don't have a history with any of them so I can just relax and start a clean state. Im a big fan of Jared and Sammy, but honestly nicole can go. She annoys me more than Jess's love of alcohol. I'm hoping to just chill and slide my way to merge where from there actually make moves and make my way to final 5 where we all know im gonna be voted out.

Idk what the fuck is going on lmao. I think I’m getting voted out because I haven’t talked to anyone but I’m trying to push the vote in cas instead but it might be too late because I just started talking to everyone cause I’ve been working too much.

https://youtu.be/bMY6mumIAQ0

Am I disappointed with my tribe? No. Am I disappointed with the outcome? Yes. I'm not a fan of these subjective challenges because the criteria literally changes everytime and all the judges (who are usually unqualified, uneducated and underemployed) seem to like to harp in on the most random shit like- I can't. And the fact that I, someone who never edited a fucking video before, had to do that shit just shows how useless my tribe is overall. Either useless or lazy but either way... I'm predicting a Matsing performance from this tribe. Why the fuck did I get placed here? So far people are fine but I don't /love/ anyone. Maybe I could put in more effort but like Chloe/Nick/Vi all seem fine and fun but like nobody I'm too connected with yet. I'm sure it'll come. Chloe and I seem to have the most similar personality but something tells me she's like connected idk. I don't see her going far with me. I see Nick/Vi being loyal though. Payton and Cas are like fine I guess but afaik they're the ones on the chopping block because of minimal socialization. I will be voting for Cas but honestly I don't care who goes home as long as it isn't me. I just want a tribe that isn't awful.

I like my tribe ok I guess. They’re all a girl or a gay except Keaton so that’s a plus. Despite my lack of participation in the first challenge due to my meningitis I’ve been assured that I should be safe on this tribe and I’ve been offered an alliance so we’ll see where that goes. I’m looking forward to beat sent home by Jared’s homophobic ass though. It’ll be fun

Dont sue me I'm dumb Okay this tribe is an interesting bunch, Ashley is great but scary, eve knows wtf is up, Pat and I are playing a game together rn, Issac... And Austin knows about me! Luckily we are safe but I think I can traverse this group without TOO much issue.

https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-confess-1/s-HFs1s https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-2/s-nVSd2 https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-3/s-65KCP https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-4/s-kLYio https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-6/s-r6uNi

So like, love my tribe so far, I think Issac, myself Ashley and Austin are going to become a possible / close alliance, I also LOVE LOVE LOVE pat! What a fucking legend. Rly wanna try to work w him!! Idk dont wanna lose bc that means someone has to go :(

youtube

#yeehaw

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sellbel · 7 years

Text

i have not been this upset in a long ass time

I am typing this on my actual computer as opposed to my phone so the angry words can come out as fast as humanly possible.

so joshs grandma got me a flight to go surprise my sister for her 30th bday in april and everything was set and good i had the flight on my delta app then someone called her and told her that the credit card info was old or wrong so they had to give the reservation to someone else.. okay no biggie yet.. she could call again and have them redo it... so she did but she did it for the wrong times and basically got me a flight that wasn’t as perfect as the original one. whatever, I could have just dealt. but she cancelled it and tried to change it or something and spent TWO HOURS on the phone with her and they were trying to tell her it’d be $300 to change the flight she’d made or $200 to cancel it. like what the actual fuck? so she cancelled i guess and josh didnt even tell me about all of it until i called him tonight to get an update. so she got charged for $200 for no reason and I feel so fucking awful about it. Im embarrassed and feeling guilty and shitty and im never going over to his house again. i guess they gave her like a $115 united airlines credit but LOL all united flights are like $400 so even if she gave me the credit i couldnt make up the difference. I can’t even pay her back to $200 right now. I shouldnt have to but she shouldnt have been charged in the first place i am so fucking upset about it. EVerything was perfect and planned out but OF COURSE nothing in my life can ever go my way. I am always fucking myself and other people over. I feel like a sack of shit. but its the stupid companies fault because the first reservation shouldve worked but THEY typed in the credit card info wrong.

SO josh is telling me all this shit on the phone and i just lose it. I start crying because i have to tell my brother in law that i can no longer come because i cant afford it and the plans that i said were a sure thing actually fell through. I am not going to get to see my sister for probably 10 months now.. and so im sitting here crying because im sad and im also feeling like shit about the money and hassle i put his grandma through and his grandparents probably high key hate my ass now. i feel so incredibly fucking bad. I just wanted josh to come stay the night bc when i am sad he calms me down. makes me feel better. god forbid I ask him that. god forbid he feels sorry for me and thinks about my feelings before his own for once. of course he refuses to come over and SOMEHOW ends up getting mad at me. okay so now were fighting. great another reason for my heart to hurt. I try SO hard to make him happy and do what he wants. and then i feel like he isnt THERE for me when I need him. he tries to anger buy me a different plane ticket to get me to shut the fuck up but that is just NOT WHAT I NEED> I NEEDED HIM TO BE HERE FOR ME. and he just doesnt get it. he starts getting all pissed at me meanwhile im sitting over here like what the actual fuck is happening right now. we argue for a good forty five fucking minutes. what. he couldve just come over and gone to sleep and we both wouldve been fine. instead he calls me a baby and dramatic. he is always low key putting me down and i just freaked. a switch fucking flipped. so then he PUTS THE PHONE DOWN ON THE TABLE AND “GOES TO SLEEP” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just sets me aside while im trying to talk to him and is like nope im done. so i called him back probably 30 times. you KNOW he doesnt answer me. so i write him the LONGEST text i have ever sent anyone ever. about how upset i am and how much i hate him and his selfish ways and sure maybe I am being dramatic but SHIT. I feel so fucking shitty right now. i want to cut myself open or jump out my window goddamn. I deserve to be put first. my feelings are valid as fuck and he justdoes NOT understand me. I am tired of feelings inadequate. he’ll probably wake up tomorrow. not feel guilty. not feel anything. not text me. and i’ll end up texting him and he’ll tell me he doesnt love me anymore and he’s not happy and he hasn’t been happy in a long time and i will feel so broken and sad and he wont think twice about it. im scared to see what the morning brings.

I just wanted to go surprise my sister for her big birthday. thats all i wanted. screw the person who typed in the card info wrong. you have ruined my life and caused me to owe so much money that i DONT HAVE.

like i have to pay $2249 on friday to go to peru. and dont worry that isnt the only payment. and dont worry im going to savannah that same day for the bachelorette party and dont worry i definetly wont spend money at all while im there. JUST DONT WORRY. my problem are stupid and compared to other people ive got it so good but i dont feel like that tonight. I feel like i can never catch a break. nothing can go my way. I feel fucking doomed and so fucking sad, like i said i havent felt this bad in a looooong time. i havent really fought with josh in so long and so this happened and hes going to realize im just a fat stressed out ugly bitch who isnt fun to be around and that is going to be the end of us. but dont worry ill put on a stupid ass smile and pretend that everything is a-o-fucking-kay. because school is a joke and my job is a joke and my life is a joke and my feelings are irrelevant as fuck and thats just that. how its been and how it always will be.

nobody talk to me for the next two days because I am not fucking having it. I dont even deserve to be here. im a waste of space and a sad fucking excuse of a human being.

fuck this

fuck

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