#and THAT is what happens when I watch Puss and Boots the Last Wish | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jq37 · 5 months

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Seeing you describe your opinion on Wish (the movie itself) as "def do have oh boy" just has me curious now. What is it?

OK, so I let this sit in my inbox for a while because I planned to see Wish and I figured that it would be more fair to wait until I had a full picture of what the movie was before I started talking about it and...yeahhhhhhh having seen it my opinion has not changed. It's just intensified.

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW (lol, this got past 7k words)

And, fair warning, it's pretty critical so if you don't want to read something critical about this movie then this is your exit.

tl;dr: I think the movie Wish fails at basically everything it sets out to do and it's an absolutely awful 100th Anniversary movie for Disney.

When I say it fails at everything, I mean EVERYTHING*. I'm going to break this into sections for organizational purposes.

*The one thing I'll give it a slight pass on is the art style which I don't love but also wasn't like make or break for me. I would have preferred true 2D or a better implementation of the blended 2D/3D style, but if the movie was otherwise of the quality of something like Spiderverse or Puss in Boots, the animation wouldn't have bothered me. Like, I watched S1 of The Dragon Prince with no problem. I can forgive janky animation--and it wasn't even super janky. Just odd. What I can't forgive is literally everything else about the movie.

Characters

How is this movie so full of characters and yet devoid of characters that matter? There are a million characters in this movie and basically only two of them matter: The King and Asha. But neither of them are compelling in any meaningful way.

There's a lot of to do about the last batch of Disney protags being very same-y in a quirky, all fluff and no substance way and I don't really buy into that. I don't think that Raps, Anna, Moana, and Mirabel are palate swapped carbon copies of each other. They have unique backgrounds and struggles and motivations. I feel like they're all quirky, sure. But they all also have an identity BEYOND being quirky.

I do NOT get that with Asha. I don't feel like I have a good idea of what makes her tick at all. Like, she's kind. She wants her grandpa to get his wish. She wants to be the King's apprentice so she can help people. The queen (we'll get to her) exposits to us that she cares about people. But being kind isn't in itself an entire personality. The way Mulan is kind (defying the law to spare her father the ravages of war in his old age) isn't the same way as the way Cinderella is kind (making clothes for her mouse friends and protecting them from the cat). Asha just has a generalized want to help people, which is an admirable trait, but doesn't give us much to latch onto. It's so telling to me that in a movie called "Wish" our main character's wish is just, "To have more than just this" And yes, Disney princesses wanting "more" is literally their whole thing, but it's always more specific than that. Mirabel wants to prove herself to her family. Rapunzel wants to experience life beyond her tower. Even Snow White--the Disney princess with the flimsiest story--wants to find her true love. That's a concrete motivation! Asha doesn't feel real to me as a character. It feels like the thing that drives her is that the plot needs to happen and that's it.

The other important character in the movie is King Magnifico who was supposed to be a return to form for Disney in introducing another classic villain but he just fails at that so hard. The idea that he could stand toe to toe with any of the OGs like Lady Tremaine or Scar or even the latest villains like Dr. Facillier or Mother Gothel is laughable. He just doesn't have any gravitas. And his characterization is so odd. You can tell that they were trying to give him a "reasonable man doing unreasonable things for a good reason” backstory (both because of some images in the film and some stuff in interviews I read) but then they just...don't actually give the backstory? Like, they imply that the backstory exists but I don't remember them going into it at all. Which like, he doesn't NEED a tragic backstory. He can just be doing what he's doing because he's evil. Ursula didn't need a reason to want to rule the seas. She's just a boss bitch and she wants power. I don't need to dissect that any further. BUT if you tell me there’s a reason your villain is doing something, I need to see that reason. I don't understand why they would include that in the movie, just to do nothing with it.

Beyond that, he's written in such a weird way. Like, despite the "maybe he has a point" angle they seem to want to go with, he's very obviously a self-absorbed ruler--like he'll say things like, "Yeah, I am super handsome" to his wife--which immediately dumps him into the camp villain category. But he's doing the controlling things he does in the movie of his own accord to get people to stick to the status quo he set up. Fine. That's a fine thing for a camp villain to be doing. But then, at a certain point in the movie, he just uses a forbidden magic evil book (which he has for some reason) that just fills him with evil, green magic and makes him 100% unhinged all of a sudden. And that's just...boring? Like, anything interesting you might have been able to do before that point about power and control and how sometimes you make a wrong choice with good intentions is just gone at that point. It sucks because there were a lot of right answers here. You could just make him evil because he's evil. That works. You could have him be seriously convinced that what he's doing is right and be willing to do whatever he needs to do to keep things that way. That works. You could say that he started out trying to be morally upright and then slid into enjoying the praise and control just a bit too much--and I think maybe that's what they were going for. But it does not come across that way. He just seems like a dick to the point where you're kinda questioning how he's pulling any of this off. Asha asks him one question and he flies off the handle. How does everyone not know he's an asshole if it takes so little to fluster him?

So I don't like our main hero or villain. But there are still SO MANY CHARACTERS in this movie.

You've got Asha's SEVEN FRIENDS. Yes, SEVEN. they're based off of the seven dwarves, which is cute enough but do you know what happens when you give the hero seven sidekick characters? None of them get developed at all and you have to treat them like a unit. Only two of them matter at all--Dahlia (her best friend and the one who actually does more than just make dumb jokes or, worse, nothing at all) and Simon (the one who betrays them--more on that later). There is no story reason for them to have shoved in this many sidekicks. Especially since she also has…

Her animal sidekick, Valentino. Who is a very cute goat until he gets sprinkled with stardust and boom. He can talk. Which immediately made me like him less. Flounder he aint. The whole joke with him is that he's a baby goat with a rich, deep, baritone voice. That's it. Almost every joke he makes is either about that or his butt. Boo.

Then, there's the Queen--Queen Amaya--who is such a NOTHING character. There's no effort made to build up her relationship with the king so that her flipping on him later has an emotional impact. I have no idea what she cares about or desires. When she shows up, she's basically acting like the king's secretary, which is weird. I don't think that's what a queen does. There's a moment during a later song when she joins the "revolution" and it just has zero impact because again, it's like, I don't know who you are in any significant way! She seems nice, and I would love to live somewhere ruled by someone boring and benign, but that makes for an awful movie character.

I almost wrote "lastly, there's the star" because I totally forgot about Asha's mom and grandpa. They're in this movie too but even though Asha's whole motivation at the start of the movie is getting her grandpa's wish granted, we never get a good idea of what their relationship is. They have like, one quick scene at the top which tells us nothing, then they're in a crowd scene later, then Asha has dinner with them later the same day and that's it. And, again, we get nothing significant. Compared to something like Mulan where you have a good idea of what Mulan's relationship is with every member of her family by the time the military order comes in or Encanto where between the musical number at the top and the first group scene, you get an entire picture, this is really weak. Again, so weak that I completely forgot that they were even in this movie.

And NOW lastly, there's the star. Who is like, cute enough but he really makes me annoyed because I've seen the original concepts and they would have been so much more interesting! That's the case for the queen too, so I'll talk about both of them together here.

I am sorry to inform you if you didn't already know but the queen was originally supposed to be evil too.

She was supposed to be a part of an evil power couple with Magnifico and how dope would that have been? We've never gotten that from Disney before. Imagine! Disney Villain Song Duet! A Hot couples costume for next Halloween! An actual relationship that's developed in this movie! But nope. They unflavor-blasted her into the paper thin, placeholder of a character we have in the movie.

And the Star went through a couple of concepts. One, was the spirit of her dead grandpa, taking a younger form, which isn't my fave one but it at least would give her a relationship with this person who is supposedly an important person in her life, something we don't have in the movie right now. My favorite alternate concept is that originally, the Star was supposed to be her celestial love interest. And listen, anyone who's followed me for long enough knows that I am a big advocate for platonic relationships and FRONTING platonic relationships. I don't think that a story needs a romantic relationship to be compelling and I think forcing one in almost always makes it worse. But there is NO central relationship in this movie to carry it. Asha has too many friends for any one of them to make a serious impact so it's not a friendship story. Her mom and grandpa are nothing characters, so it's not a family story. She interacts with the star a lot, but that's basically just her talking to herself because the start doesn’t talk. So nothing is really there to latch onto. If they'd decided to go with the romance angle, it would have forced them to focus on at least ONE relationship and it would have been a nice way to throwback to classic Disney movies from the past. Much better than just sticking her with SEVEN WHOLE USELESS FRIENDS. Literally, all they provide is backup vocals in the fight song. Special Dishonorable Mention to Gabo. Man I hate that dude.

So, to recap this section, Asha's personality is only sketched out in the loosest possible way, King Magnifico is entirely half-baked, and there are so many side characters that no one can form meaningful relationships with each other. And it's really a shame because (1) they very easily could have pared down the cast and (2) very recently Disney put out Encanto which handles a large cast beautifully. There are a ton of Madrigals but I can tell you what the deal of each and every one is. This could have been done well and they fumbled so hard.

Concept

OK, so next up is the general plot and concept. This story takes place in the city of Rosas which is ruled by King Magnifco. It is supposedly a paradise, but much like a YA dystopian novel, it has a twist: When you turn 18, Magnifico takes your wish away from you and puts in in his wish room with the promise that it might be granted at one of the monthly wish granting ceremonies. Once your wish is taken from you, you are "unburdened" and you're "free" from having to pursue it. You don't even remember what it was.

There's a kernel of something interesting there. A ruler making his subjects docile, placid zombies that won't challenge him by taking away their ambition? That's interesting. People willingly giving away a part of their heart to dull the pain of trying and failing? Interesting. Someone doing this with no ill intent, but rather genuinely thinking that this half-existence is better than the heartbreak of the alternative? Interesting!

But the actual implementation of this idea? Ughhhhhh.

So first off, just logistically, Magnifico grants one wish a month more or less (Asha says once a month and in his villain song, he said he granted 14 wishes "last year"). So like, realistically, most of these people have to know their wishes will never be granted, right? Because of like...how math works? Asha acts like it's a big shock when she learns that most wishes won't be granted but like girl...math.

Secondly, there are two moments that are meant to imply that having your wish taken away turns you into a shell of yourself. Asha's friend (who betrays her) Simon is said to be all sleepy and more boring since he turned 18 and had his wish taken. And then, later in the movie, we see two new residents have their wishes taken, and they look a little disturbed after it happens. But, here's the thing. NO ONE ELSE IN THE MOVIE ACTS LIKE THAT. Asha's mom and grandpa act like normal people. So do all the other characters. It’s not consistent enough to establish that this is what’s on the line. Does taking your wish away make you a robot or not?

And does everyone just have one wish? I know I could fill a full sheet of paper, front and back, with things that matter very dearly to me. If you took away my wish to write for TV someday, that would still leave my wishes to travel the world and get a comic book adaptation of one of my novels and a whole lot of other things! Does taking your main wish away make you lose your ability to form new wishes? Logistically, how does any of this work? And you can't just say, "It's a metaphor. Don't think too hard about it," because there's a scene where the citizens start asking these questions. Like, "What happens if we have a new wish than from when we initially made it?" As if having unnamed side characters ask the questions first will alleviate the need to answer them. It's not lamp shading at that point. You're just being lazy.

Also, this is more a me thinking about the implications too hard than an actual plot problem but if he's taking the wishes at 18 I feel like a lot of peoples' greatest desire at that stage in their life is, "I want a romantic partner." And if the central conceit of this premise is that once your wish is taken, you stop wanting to pursue it then the city of Rosas is gonna have a population Collapse problem very soon.

The characters--especially Asha--get so emotional about wishes. It's like they're giving a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic speech every time they talk about it (except MLP has MUCH better writing). It's bizarre to see Asha's mom get her wish back and be like, "Oh my wish. My precious wish!" when she doesn't act any differently than a normal person before or after she has it back (Sidenote: She says this and she's holding the wish ball but we never see what that wish is and that's maddening. Why do I know what the dream of every patron in the Snuggly Duckling is, but they didn't show that? Ridic.) It almost is like, being in contact with a wish ball is a quasi-religious experience that drives the characters’ actions (Asha and the King are both totally enraptured while singing together in the Wish Room), but because we, the audience, are very much not in contact with the wish balls, we're not getting ANY of that.

Anyway, to recap this section: the central premise of how wishes work and how taking them affects people is not treated consistently or explained well, which makes the stakes feel very undefined and sloppy.

Pacing

This has to be its own section, because it's the thing that baffled me most when I watched this movie. So, here's the setup. Asha is going to interview for the internship with the king. She wants to help people and she has the secondary motive of wanting to try and get her 100-year-old grandpa's wish granted because he's not getting any younger.

Here is the entire sequence: Asha is led into the interview by Queen Amaya. Asha is awkward but makes a good enough first impression that Magnifico is moved to show her the wish room (for some reason). They sing a duet about the wishes where they’re both dazzled by the Wish balls. During the song, Asha finds her Grandpa's wish and after the song, she asks him to grant it. He looks at the wish and says while she has good intentions, it's too dangerous to grant--as are most wishes. She asks why not give them back then and he immediately flies off the handle and starts ranting about how HE decides which wishes get granted and what everyone deserves!

Their first meeting and him showing his true colors happens in the SAME SCENE. It's like 7-10 minutes and they just RUSH through all of that. And it's like, why? Did they really need to get to that dumbass star song (we'll get to that) faster?

I know that he isn't a twist villain so we don't need to keep the fact that he’s the bad guy under wraps. And, the way the story is structured, she needs to learn what he's doing before she can rebel against him. But it's not gonna be a big, impactful moment if you're rushing from beat to beat like this is an essay that's due in twenty minutes and you started five minutes ago.

And it really makes you wonder, if Asha can blow the whole lid off this conspiracy within ten minutes of meeting this guy, why is this not happening more often? Between how obviously smarmy the King is, how paltry the wish granting system is, and how easily Asha was able to start asking questions and get him to blow his top (something that happens again later when the citizens start asking question–it literally drives him into his villain song) I don't believe that this wouldn't have happened earlier (Sidenote: Finding out that it HAD happened earlier and that Asha is the latest in a line of failed apprentices who questioned him? More interesting premise).

So to recap: I have no idea why this movie is paced like this but it's not doing it any favors.

Humor

Humor is very subjective so you can take this with a huge grain of salt but I think this is a deeply unfunny movie.

The jokes fall into about three main categories:

(1) Quirky Humor: This is like Asha babbling and tripping over her words. The scene in the trailer where she's like, "Is my face drooping?" is a good example. It's not really a joke but it's clearly an attempt at humor that I don't think meets the mark. It's also in the songs with, for instance, the animals or the King saying slang that doesn't match how they talk or you'd expect them to talk at all and it just feels deeply incongruent, not funny.

(2) Referential Humor: This is probably what bothered me the most because it was just so so very eye-roll inducing. And listen, I love a good reference. Enchanted is my favorite movie of all time. I don’t begrudge them for putting a few references in their 100th Anniversary movie. But ugh. There is a scene after the king's gone crazy where he's destroying wish bubbles for power and he's like, looking at the wishes and making a quip before he crushes them. And for the second one he goes, "Oh you want a nanny for your kids? Definitely POPPING this one!" And he might as well have looked at the camera and said, "Get it? Get it?" and it took 6 months off my lifespan. (Sidenote: He he does a direct ref with the first two wish bubbles--Peter Pan and Mary Poppins–and then he just makes a general ref to the concept of true love with the last one and it's like, come on at least rule of threes this if you're gonna do it. Commit to your awful bit!)

(3) Kiddie Humor: This is where things get especially subjective because maybe a little kid would find this stuff really funny and they are a part of the target audience so that's valid. But it doesn't add much substance to the movie. This is like the goat being like, "I found a secret passage with my butt" or leading a chicken choir or singing the line, "So that's where all the balls of gas come from" while sticking his butt in the air--a lot of these have to do with the goat and his butt now that I think about it.

I think I only laughed at one thing in the movie that was meant to be at least partially funny--when the Queen interrupts the fight song and everyone is like "Oh shit, we're busted!" before she starts singing along.

So to recap: Sometimes a movie has a weak story but it's super funny and that makes up for it. This is not one of those movies.

Music

This is the one thing I already knew before I watched this movie: The music in this movie is bad.

Like, fullstop, no qualifications bad. Not bad for a Disney movie. Not bad for this story. Just bad.

I was a little confused by the choice to pick a pop artist instead of someone who specializes in musical theater style music for this project, but a more pop-y musical doesn't automatically mean a worse musical. Sure, maybe it's a weird choice to pay homage to the past 100 years of Disney movies, but it could be good. I love Six the Musical.

But that's the problem. The songs aren't just unfitting. They're not just un-Disney. They're fully BAD. They feel so half-baked and God, I've never been so assaulted by slant rhymes in my life. Like, this bothers me to the point where I have to go through the entire tracklist. I can't just make a blanket statement, I have to show you what I mean:

1) Welcome to Rosas: This whole song sounds like someone listened to “Where you Are” from Moana (the "consider the coconut" song), “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast, and “The Family Madrigal” from Encanto and was like, "I could do that". And then they couldn't. It's not really catchy and it's pretty repetitive. Super forgettable.

Worst Line: Honestly, this song is too boring to have a worst line.

2) At All Costs: This is the duet that Asha and Magnifico sing. Before I saw the movie, I thought it was going to be Asha singing about a wish and Magnifico singing to his wife to set up the eventual rift between them but that was before I realized that this movie doesn't believe in relationship building. Some of the movie's worst musical sins are on display here. Turns of phrases that seem like they were written by AI and bizarre syntax.

Like what does, "You pull me in, like some kind of wind" mean? That's not what wind does. Why would anyone ever say, "Felt this? No, I haven't" instead of "I haven't felt this?" That's so awkward.

Worst Line: "Leave you here, I don't wanna. I wanna [promise as one does]." My feelings about this line could be a whole other essay, but I've been writing this for 2 hours already so I have to move on.

3) This Wish: This is the big "I Want" song and it fails on several levels. It fails in comparison to all the songs it’s standing in the shadow of--like the last “I Want” song we got is, I believe, “Waiting on a Miracle” and man! How can you not feel for Mirabel after watching her go through everything she goes through at the start of the movie and it getting topped with her being excluded from the family portrait? You see all the build up (including the implied build up from before the movie started) and you see why it's all bubbled up to the point where she has no choice but to sing about it! With Asha, there isn't a whole lifetime of angst that's bubbling up to make her sing this song. Everything that's happened to her has happened over the hour of like eight hours tops. She meets the king, finds out about the king, realizes the whole system is bad, and then gets into an argument with her family who's drunk the Kool-Aid and doesn't wanna hear what she has to say (which makes no impact on us because we have no idea what their relationship is). That's it. It doesn't feel like the movie has earned the song.

And then with “Waiting for a Miracle” the music itself is plaintive and soaring. Like, I just paused writing to listen to it and I couldn't help but sing along and pour a little of my actual IRL "I Want" energy into it. It's a song that feels very real. “This Wish” isn't any of that. And it's not the actresses' fault! She's pouring her whole heart into it and she consistently does all movie. But the song is just, bland. Like I said, "I want to have more than this" is too weak a hook to hang your whole song on–especially when it’s the song that’s supposed to be the thesis of your whole movie.

Worst Line: "So I look up at the stars to guide me/And throw caution to every warning sign." That's not a thing people say and also it doesn't mean anything. If anything, it sounds like she's saying that she's being extra cautious at the warning signs! You can't just throw words together haphazardly and expect them to retain their meaning!

4) I'm a Star: This is, imo, the worst song on the whole track. A friend of mine described it as sounding like a song from a preschool science show and that's exactly it, but there's more to it than that.

First of all, a big part of the reason this song exists is to set up the fact that humans are made of stardust because that's a plot point in the climax. But there didn't need to be a song about that. That would be like if Frozen 2 had a song about how water has memory. But like, OK. If the song was a bop, it wouldn't matter that it was superfluous. Haus of Holbein in Six does NOT need to be there, but I enjoy it! I do NOT enjoy this song however.

This is something I alluded to earlier, but this soundtrack in general and this song specifically sounds like it's trying to do LMM's schtick but poorly. And I know some people don't like his whole style of music (I personally like it) but love him or hate him, his style without his skill? Awful. The presentation of fun facts in the middle of a fun song makes me think of his "Look it Up" in “Shiny” or "That's true" in “A Winter's Ball”. And there's a part where a turtle (we'll get to the talking animals) sings "See we're all just little nebulae in a nursery/From supernovas now we've grown into our history/We're taking whys right out of mystery, closure/Now we're taking in all the star exposure" And it really sounds like someone doing their best to emulate Lin's flow in things like Mirabel's aside to Mariano in “The Family Madrigal” or any number of songs I could name from Hamilton. But it just falls so flat here. It sounds so preschool and cheesy. And not preschool in a fun way. Backyardigans would never.

Also, this song is sung by a bunch of talking animals (the Star gives them the ability to talk) and I find them so obnoxious. They say stuff like, "Did we just blow your mind?" with the "boom" sound effect and I hate it. Maybe kids will like them, I dunno. I refuse to get into it further.

Worst Line: This song completely misuses the word allegory, which I hate, and it rhymes it with "excitatory" which I hate more (and I am saying this as someone who has made peace with the fact that Schwartz rhymes "nasty" with "flabbergasty" in Disenchanted) but there is only one line in this song that can be considered the true worst line because it's my least favorite line in the whole movie. A dumbass, stoner-sounding deer named Bambi (boo) sings, "Ooh, I'm a star! Watch out world, here I are"

They rhyme the word star--not a hard word to rhyme at all--with HERE I ARE.

I firmly believe someone should go to jail for that.

5) This is The Thanks I Get?!: This is the much anticipated and extremely disappointing villain song. There's just no gravitas and it's not clever enough to be very fun. It's just kinda bopping along which is eh, kind of fun at best, but like everything else in this movie, doesn't leave an impact. A musical number doesn't have to be obviously sinister like “Be Prepared” or, the holy (unholy?) grail, “Hellfire”, to be impactful. “Mother Knows Best” is bright and filled with false cheer but it still works because we can see the manipulation that Gothel is doing and she spins Raps around in mental circles to keep her docile. This is just an egotistical rant--and not even in a fun, Gaston kind of way! (Sidenote: Gaston is a good example of a villain who is preening and pompous and kind fo campy, but who you see why he’s beloved AND he can be menacing when the scene calls for it).

Also, it's so full of weird slang that Magnifico doesn't use at any other point in the movie. "Peep the name", "Ungrateful much", "Mmm, are you sure you're not the prob?" It's like he suddenly got possessed by Urban Dictionary. It's bizarre.

It also comes weirdly late in the movie, which isn't a complaint, just an observation.

Worst Line: I think "peep the name" is my least fave but, because I already said that, the opening lines of this song are, "I can't help it if mirrors love my face. It's genetics! Yeah, I got these genes from outer space" and that's such a weird thing to say. I got these genes from outer space? He wasn't even there for the star song so what the hell does he mean by that?

6) Knowing What I Know Now: I feel like this is the song that had the most potential. But for all its build, it never builds to anything. It starts and ends so abruptly (which is the case for multiple songs on this list). We don't really get to know any of the characters well except for Asha so them joining the revolution has no impact. The Queen turning on Magnifico really doesn't have much impact.

(There's a line in this song where a character sings, "I was sweet but now I'm something else" which is so funny because we literally know nothing about her except that she surprises people when she's in a room which, lmao, me too. Fully forgot you were in this movie, girl).

Worst Line: "The good in him, I've watched it melt". There's technically nothing wrong with this line but I hate it because melting with regard to emotion is never, "Oh, his goodness is melting". It just hits the ear so wrong. You can watch the good in him disappear or fade or vanish. Not melt. Hearts melt.

There's also a reprise and a credits song but I have talked about the music for too long as is so to sum up, there is not a single song on this list that I will ever purposefully listen to for enjoyment ever again and there are a few lines that I feel calls for someone being forced to go to whatever the musical version of the Hague is to explain themselves.

MISC

This is just a section for things that annoyed me that didn't fit anywhere else.

There's a moment where Asha sees Star which is a star that has fallen to earth and is shaped like a star and she's not able to put together than he's a star until she looks up at a ball of yarn that's tangled in the trees and sees that the yarn is shaped like a star...which again, Star is ALSO shaped like a star! Baffling.

Gabo at one point makes a comment to the effect of, "Wishing on a Star? Grow up Asha, this isn't a fairy tale." And it's like, dude shut up. Your king is a sorcerer. This movie isn't funny enough to pull off that kind of wink to the audience.

The actual funniest part of the movie is when a talking mouse (not a thing that usually exists in this world) runs onto the Queen's shoulder during a big speech in front of a crowd and not only does no one notice, but she has no stronger reaction than if a messenger was telling her that her dinner was ready. And not in an underreaction for the purposes of a joke way. Like, in a they forgot to write in a reaction for her way. It's so unintentionally hilarious.

They specifically set this in the real world–off the coast of the Iberan Peninsula–but I didn’t get any of that influence in any significant way here. It could have been any generic island town. Rosas sounds like a Spanish name and “Welcome to Rosas” there is some dancing that looks like traditional Spanish dancing. But on a whole, it feels pretty bland. When I think about studying abroad in Spain, one of the big things I think about are all the moments with food–patatas con bravas, pan con tomatae, paella, and so so much coffee. The only food I remember from this movie are the novelty cookies Dahlia is always baking. Which is wild to me because their last big musical was Encanto and you could feel the cultural influences in every scene and it was seamless. This wouldn’t even bother me if that hadn’t made a point to set it in a specific part of the real world and call it out.

A lot of the dialogue is super expository in a way that both makes me think the writers think we’re stupid and that they realized at certain points that they forgot to establish things but instead of fixing the script they just shoved in a line. Like, to the first point, there’s a part where Magnifico crushes a wish and it’s very clear that he’s getting a high from it. But instead of letting the moment stand he’s like, “Oh yes. Who knew crushing wishes would feel so good? I must continue to crush wishes so I keep feeling this good feeling,” and it’s like…why did you need to say all of that? Old Power Rangers episodes have their villains monologue less than that!

This movie opens on a storybook–just like Snow White–and it has a voice over of Asha narrating the history of Rosas as the pages flip. Not a bad idea–until you push into the scene and realize she’s telling all of this to…her grandpa? Who is 100 years old and lived through all of this? What? Why not have that scene be a kid flashback and the story is being told to her? Or have her be doing the little kid thing of telling a story to an adult? Either way, that would help establish their relationship which is ostensibly very important to this movie. Or, wild thought, just have her be telling this story to kids! Like Mirabel explaining all the Madrigal gifts in Encanto! Like, if you’re gonna take cues from that movie, at least go all the way so your movie makes sense.

It’s very unclear how Star’s magic works. It seems like he mostly just gives wildlife the ability to talk. I thought he was just granting wishes but he never does that to any of the humans. And I find it hard to believe that the wish of every animal (and mushroom) in this movie is just to be able to talk.

Easy Fixes

And all of this is compounded by the fact that this isn’t just any random movie or even any random Disney movie. It’s the *100th ANNIVERSARY*. You only get one of those and this is what they wasted it on. My hopes were really high here! I was expecting a lot of love and care to be put into this one, but it just fell absolutely flat. It feels so rote, so by the numbers, so lacking in care. It feels like the shell of an outline of a movie that relies on the fact that we know what a movie of this sort should be and can fill in the blanks.

And the worst part? The absolute worst part?

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY EASY MOVIE TO FIX.

Like, I’m serious. If you watch this movie, you will be able to, off the cuff, name tons of things that would have solved problems without breaking a sweat.

For instance, just cutting her friend group down from seven to two would have helped immensely. If she, Dahlia, and Simon have a Three Musketeers relationship, then when he betrays her to the king, it actually means something now!

For a bigger but still obvious change, why not have Asha have an existing relationship with Magnifico? So then this story can be about her losing faith in this relationship she’s had for a long time after she’s seen behind the curtain and become jaded over time and not a 7 minute “Don’t Meet Your Heroes” speedrun.

And making it clear what taking a Wish from a person means–and following through with that portrayal all movie–would all be a game changer. Show that Magnifico’s magical wish granting still leaves the people hollow. Show that Asha is a vibrant, bright person amongst a sea of robotic adults. Show me some worldbuilding!

Also, just hire a musical theater person to do the music. Seriously I can’t believe I have to say this? How is there not a single good song in this movie? There are DCOMs with more bangers than this. Almost every song in High School Musical is a bop. How are you getting outshone by High School Musical?

And these are just changes that preserve the bulk of the story as is. This movie could have been even better if they’d change the direction to go with some of their scrapped ideas!

This is just a movie that absolutely baffles me. I wouldn’t think it would be possible for a movie with this high of a profile to be this bad. You would think that even accidentally they’d have to get SOMETHING right. But they really don’t. I can’t recommend this movie, even for a fun-bad watch. It’s like eating unsalted saltines while you have dry mouth. Just watch a better movie. And here are three movies I think are more in the spirit of Disney’s 100th anniversary than Wish:

(1) The Princess and the Frog does literally everything that this movie is trying to do but better. You’ve got a movie that used a 2D style in the 3D era. You have integration of cultural elements–in this case New Orleans in the 20s. You have a classic princess story with the classic trappings: romance, villain, fairy godmother. You have a rocking villain song. Hell, you even have a wishing star motif!

(2) Encanto is the latest Disney movie of the modern era to have that classic Disney magic, imo. It sidesteps a lot of the classic Disney tropes–no princess, no serious romance (Delores and Mariano end up together but it’s very much a side thing), no villain beyond generational trauma–but it still feels musical and magical and full of character and life. It shows that you can keep the big emotions that we expect from Disney even with more modern sensibilities.

(3) Enchanted is my favorite movie of all time so I’m biased, but I still firmly believe that it stands as a better movie in general and tribute to Disney specifically than Wish. THIS is how you do an homage. The whole plot is a loving roast of all the quirks of classic Disney movies, but it’s also a sincere story that stands on its own. It has references to old movies, but they’re integrated very naturally. And it’s funny enough to get away with things like a character mid-musical number being like, “What the hell is happening? Why is everybody singing?” without it feeling like lazy, “Well that just happened” humor. And the music is so good!

(A quick note on the music btw: Most of the songs in Enchanted are musical theater style songs but there’s one song near the end called “So Close” which is like a pop ballad. And it totally makes sense why they’d depart from the musical theater style in that moment in context but, even if it was jarring and totally unfitting for the movie, it’s still objectively a strong song. Out of context, it would be a great, sad, romantic song. And if the music in Wish was all like that–good but unfitting–this would confuse me less than it does.)

Anyway, I would shell out a LOT of money for a making of documentary for this movie in the style of the Frozen 2 one because as writer and a fan of a lot of Disney’s past stuff, it is completely beyond my comprehension who a team of accomplished people get together to create the 100th Anniversary project with their vast resources and produce this. It just doesn't feel like a movie with any serious care put into it. Which is separate from quality, btw. I don’t like the movie Raya very much but I think it’s obvious a lot of care went into it and I respect this. Wish feels like a movie that was made to fill some kind of contractual obligation and it makes me sad because I really wanted to like it.

#disney's wish #asks #jamiebluewind #sorry this got so long I just find this movie so fundamentally flawed #idk what the current tag etiquette is for stuff like this so I'm gonna cover my bases #disney criticism #disney critical #wish criticism #wish critical #if you liked the movie this isn't an attack and I'm glad you had a good time

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 5 months

Note

Hey Raven, are you going to watch the upcoming new Disney movie "Wish"?

I've seen mixed reviews, but i'm lowkey excited since we get to see a new Disney villain, especially since Disney got really lame villains after all the old classic movies!

Have you seen the trailer for the movie? What are your thoughts so far?

I saw Wish with a friend recently! I'll give my thoughts on the trailers here (in case you don't want spoilers for the film itself) and put my full thoughts beneath the cut (if you're okay with spoilers).

Looks-wise, I think Disney was definitely trying to go for something more stylistic and painting-esque for this?? And while I commend the effort, it definitely doesn't look as interesting as Puss in Boots 2: The Last Wish. The humor also definitely isn't for me, it feels very "quirky" and "so relatable" (Asha reminds me of Mirabel in that sense), and other times too juvenile (like the goat butt joke). I do like the idea of the villain passing as a good guy in-universe and actually being vain and selfish, especially since the marketing is making it clear who the bad guy is rather than making it a "twist" villain scenario. Not sure if I like Magnifico himself though??? All the ads with him in it feel like Disney is trying too hard to make people thirst for him. From just the trailers, Magnifico does seem interesting and like more of a return to the traditional "villain" rather than the protagonist having to deal with an existential dread or concept.

***Spoilers for Wish beneath the cut!***

Right off the bat, my first impression is the narrative is SO ham-fisted. Within the first 5 minutes alone we're establishing so much information and in such a clunky, unnatural way. Like... Asha says hi to her friends but then they robotically have a dialogue where they overtly call each other "friends" just so it's clear to the audience (when in reality no one talks like that). It's telling instead of showing, and this happens sooo many times early in the film.

Could not for the life of me remember the friends or their names. There were just too many of them when 1 or 2 would have been just fine to move the plot along and to help Asha. (Yes, I know they're a reference to the 7 Dwarves but it's STILL not necessary to have so many just for a reference.)

Bruh, the makeup in this movie is on point. Every time there was a close up of a character, I was staring at their eye makeup (especially Asha and the queen's).

Asha as a protagonist was... fine? She feels very close to Mirabel and at times Rapunzel in her character. I didn't dislike her by any means, but she didn't reinvent what it means to be a Disney protag. Her motivations also come off as… really “out of nowhere”. We’re told she “cares too much”, but she initially only wants to save the wishes of her mom and grandpa; she randomly decides she has to free ALL wishes midmovie and that was jarring. There could have been a smoother transition. Instead, it was abrupt and Asha didn’t change in any meaningful way. Even her “I want” song was vague (what exactly is “to have something more for us than this”?) and didn’t connect well with her character.

I do really like her design though! Her freckles, earrings, and how her hair moves are my favorite details.

Valentino was not as annoying as I thought he would be. Still didn't care for his sass and brand of humor, but at least he helped out a few times.

I called it, the film is trying so hard to make Magnifico "hot" 🤡 I don't get it but okay, Mouse. I see your effort.

Loved his fit!! Very cool cloak and diamond/star motifs everywhere! His lab and study was also fun to look at.

I quite liked the moments when the queen talked to her husband and tried to smooth things over with him. “I can fix him energy”— Their relationship seemed very genuine at the start of the movie.

NOT THE WISH NEPOTISM...

If they were going for “sympathetic” with Magnifico, it didn’t work. He gave this backstory about how he was traumatized before + left as the only survivor of a great tragedy and so now he wants to use his magic to prevent that from happening to anyone else. Thing is, we only ever know about this via his word and staring at a half-burnt tapestry. We never see the event on screen, nor what was left of the tapestry. I was expecting a twist where it’s revealed that he lied all this time about his backstory and rewrote history so he could more easily manipulate the people of the kingdom he founded and live out the fantasy of being worshipped as a “good guy”. That was such a missed opportunity!!

Something else I was thinking of (this was during “This is the Thanks I get” was??? Maybe Magnifico started off genuinely good but became worn down over time as people’s wishes grew more selfish and they became ungrateful for what they had?? Then he could have become bitter and disillusioned by the behavior of his people.

Another idea is maybe Magnifico was “villainous” only in Asha’s eyes, since they don’t agree on how to best handle granting wishes. This would be more of a clash of ideologies rather than the traditional Obvious Evil vs Obvious Good that Disney is so known for, but hey, it could be a neat evolution of their storytelling from classic fairy tale roots.

This is to say that there were so many more interesting directions they could have gone with Magnifico’s motives, character, and portrayal 😭 but the second half of the movie never commits to any of these, they just blame his complete insanity and turn to the dark side on Forbidden Magic which is such a cop-out.

The trailers gave away the twist that Magnifico was the villain. It wasn’t revealed until like the second song into the movie. Would’ve worked better as an on-the-spot reveal rather than part of the marketing, in my opinion.

When they showed the wishes, the TWST fan in my was shouting, "OMG IT'S WISH UPON A STAR, THE LIMITED TIME STORY EVENT FROM THE HIT DISNEY MOBILE GACHA GAME TWISTED WONDERLAND!!!"

As Wish is Disney's anniversary film for 100 years, there were tooons of easter eggs scattered throughout. (I had fun looking for them!) Some were visual (I saw Aurora's dress, Snow White’s well, Peter's Pan's costume, Ursula's green smokey hands, Asha's robes resembling those of the Fairy Godmother, etc.) or extended imagery/scenes (Asha recreates Mulan's dinner and “Reflection" scenes), others were more overt lines of dialogue (Magnifico says the "Mirror, Mirror" lines along with others, a deer named “Bambi”, Valentino mentions an animal metropolis in reference to Zootopia, etc.).

In theory, the wish magic sounds cool but has so much that isn't explained??? And yeah, it's magic so it technically doesn't have to be. However, there are things not explained even when it is important to the plot. For example, Magnifico crushes some wishes and seems to absorb their power for himself (including the wish of Asha's MOM, so you'd think this would be important)? The consequence of this is that the wish's owners... become sad??? Okay, what are the long-term effects??? Why isn’t this fully explored?? But then later in the film we see the same people whose wishes were crushed... regenerate their wish??? So what, he has to keep reaping them??? And why are the wishes only taken at 18 years old? What if a wish changes? Ironically, the townspeople of Rosas have a scene where they question the technicalities of this wish magic. Magnifico essentially tells them to shut up, and it kinda felt like Disney was telling us to not question their lore www

It was weird that they never fully explored the ramifications of going without your wish. You’d think they’d show us people without ambition or hope (which would incentivize Asha to return their wishes), but everyone seems blissfully happy without their wishes?? The only exception is Asha’s friend that betrays her (cannot for the life of me remember his name), and that’s namely because his asshole friends keep ragging on him for it.

I thought the movie was going to go in a “you can make your own wish come true!!” direction but NOPE, turns out it’s just magic. Felt like Disney unintentionally wrote a whole movie about "wishes not coming true unless some big powerful entity allows it to come true” (Asha literally becomes the fairy godmother of Rosas at the end, making her ultimately no different than Magnifico)… ie a metaphor for how Disney owns so many properties it practically owns our childhoods www

"The power of friendship saves the day" ending 🤣 It was very Paper Mario ending-esque...

A song saving the day though?? It’s giving the Illumination Lorax film…

I was right about the humor. Too "quirky" and/or juvenile for me.

Animation was alright? Nothing awful about it, it just didn't feel as detailed or as experimental as other films with a similar style.

Songs were mid, which checks out with the recent Disney music excluding We Don't Talk About Bruno--

Some of the lyrics however were awful. “I let you live here for free and I don’t even charge you rent” is redundant. “So I throw caution to every warning sign” means you’ll show more caution than usual, not that you’ll forego caution. The correct expression is “throw caution to the wind”. Etc, etc, etc.

There was a cute after credits scene where they reveal that Asha's 100 year old grandpa (same age as Disney omg) wrote the "When You Wish Upon a Star" theme, which was sweet since his wish was "wanting to make a mark".

THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE WAS STAR!! It was very cute (partly because it couldn't talk and just jingled and giggled, I was dreading another annoying mascot animal voice) and reminds me of my own pet… The way Star infused everything with glitter and formed unique shapes with the red twine was so fun 😭 I'M A STAR STAN, IT WAS ADORABLE AND KINDA BRATTY AND I'M LIVING FOR IT

Decent ideas, "meh" execution. Enchanted and Shrek did it better in terms of self-aware, fairy tale defying stories. It felt as though the movie was trying to deliver a profound message but got lost in the sauce of making as making Disney references possible and didn't fully commit to actually saying something meaningful. As a result, the film feels somewhat… hollow.

That one friend betraying Asha was the biggest surprise in the film but I still saw it coming 😂 I do get where he’s coming from though (being worried that his wish won’t ever come true) but it also felt like his conflict wasn’t resolved??? It might have gone better if the movie actually fully tried to push the “you can make your own wish come true” message (to reinvigorate the traitor to make his dreams a reality on his own) but they don’t 💦

Wish didn’t end up being “the wishing star’s origin story” because not once did anyone question where Star came from or why it was different from other stars (or what the significance of Magnifico blotting out the other stars was).

I think the people that would enjoy this movie are the people that are already highly invested in Disney and the nostalgia of it.

... Anyway, stan Star 🤩 (and the talking mushrooms 🍄)

#wish #disney wish #spoilers #question #notes from the writing raven #puss in boots 2 #the last wish #puss in boots 2: the last wish #Mirabel Madrigal #Encanto #Asha #twst #twst wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #Rapunzel #Enchanted #Shrek #Queen Amaya #King Magnifico

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littlemisspascal · 1 year

Text

Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere

pairing: modern-ish Pero x Female Reader

summary: In which Reader is a newspaper columnist with few self-preservation instincts, Statesman is an insurance company with a catchy jingle, and Pero is the insurance agent assigned to look after you. Except only two outta three of these statements are true.

word count: 3k+

rating: T

warnings: Reader is nameless with no description except for being shorter than Pero, language, blood, violence, guns, non-major character death, Author’s poor attempt at humor, Author knows nothing about insurance and/or a career in journalism, mistaken identity, supernatural elements, worldbuilding

author note: this is what happens when I watch Puss in Boots The Last Wish and then a Statefarm commercial and then random inspiration sparks. It’s borderline a crack fic, but hey, sometimes that’s what the muse wants. I even have more scenes outlined beyond this so...Hopefully someone out there enjoys this 😊

The story of how you wound up in Wader’s Rest is a rather boring chain of events that can be summed up as follows: you graduate with a journalism degree, spend the next five years trying and failing to convince a major news outlet to hire you all the while typing up fluff pieces for your hometown’s website so you can afford food and other necessities, receive a job offer out of the fucking blue offering you a columnist job in a town hundreds of miles away, decide screw it let’s go and…yeah, that’s about it. For these last six months, Wader's Rest has been your new home.

Wader's Rest is a medium-sized-ish community settled along the southern coastline, perpetually smelling of freshly caught fish and sea salt. It’d be a decent tourist destination, in your opinion, if it wasn’t also a hive of criminal activity, crawling with smugglers and drug dealers and fugitives. The city can be split into two types of people: crime-doers and crime-avoiders.

Oh, yeah, and then there’s you in a solo category of your own making: crime-seeker. Insert trumpet fanfare here.

There’s a grand total of one newspaper responsible for updating residents on all things Wader's Rest-related. Wader’s Reader has a staff of twelve working all hours of the day in an ugly brick building on the corner of Main Street, right across from a coffee shop you’re 65% sure is a front for black market antiques but it’s also the only place that doesn’t judge the ungodly amount of sugar you pour in your drink so. Until that percentage rises up to 100%, you reckon it’s alright giving them a pass in the meantime.

In a time where a quick search on your phone or computer can answer any conceivable question you have in seconds, the residents of Wader's Rest are strangely protective of their newspaper. Like, Gollum my precious! kind of protective. The most likely reason is probably because the internet access out here is so painfully slow it’s practically nonexistent, but you like to think they actually look forward to reading your column. No more writing about baking contests and music festivals, not when you’ve discovered the addictive adrenaline rush of investigating the many, many, many crimes of Wader's Rest. Nothing else gets your blood pumping as much as witnessing an illegal exchange of weapons in the back parking lot of a Wendy’s.

So it isn’t uncommon then, to spend your nights crouched behind dumpsters (or sometimes even inside them) or picking locks or doing other shady-as-hell-if-you-had-any-other-job activities in order to gather all the facts and details you need to write the perfect piece for your loyal readers. Insert inspiring quote here like fortune favors the bold or whatever.

It also isn’t uncommon for your nights to end either in the hospital or covered in so many bandages it looks like you spent the night in the hospital. You’re on a first name basis with most of the staff, including Dr. William Garin who’s got such vibrant crystal blue eyes he could’ve been a glasses modeler in another life. Shame he’s got such overwhelming heart-eyes for your boss or you’d be severely tempted to shoot your shot.

Anyways.

See, the problem is, you’re not exactly a master of subtlety yet, and also some of your column subjects don’t always appreciate being watched like they’re zoo animals—they appreciate it even less when you point out that conducting their illegal business in creepy alleyways and abandoned warehouses doesn’t magically make them invisible. Really, any Average Joe could stroll right in and watch the proceedings.

You grunt, head banging against a cement wall so hard you see stars. A meaty fist tightens its grip on your shirt, holding you high enough the toes of your sneakers barely scuff the ground, while the owner of that fist—so massively muscular he’s more of a grizzly bear than a man—glares down at you through narrowed eyes.

Yeah, all those Average Joes really don’t know the fun they're missing out on. Concussions plus bruised, possibly cracked ribs equal exciting times

“Hey Big Mac,” you wheeze, blinking until your vision’s more or less clear and his unimpressed face swims into focus. “Did you get more muscles? You look like you got more muscles.”

If possible, his unimpressed look increases.

Big Mac’s been a recurring foe since your first week in Wader's Rest when you went out for a midnight McDonald’s run—you have a weak spot for their McFlurries, alright?—and discovered him throwing bricks at the neighboring weed shop’s front window. Where he got the sack of bricks remains a mystery, but upon shattering the glass he was in and out in a matter of thirty seconds with an armful of edibles before disappearing into the darkness of night. You’d been so stunned by the whole ordeal not only had you forgotten to call the police, but your McFlurry had melted before you’d even tasted it.

You’ve lost count at this point how many times he’s been featured in one of your columns. Big Mac’s like a really nasty stain on a white shirt, impossible to ignore, but he’s also smooth as fucking butter, sliding out of cuffs before any charges can stick. You don’t even know the giant’s real name (don’t care to learn it either, the nicknames you hand out like free candy add some extra pizazz to the writing)—just that he likes edibles and that when he’s not breaking store windows he can usually be found working as a henchman for any one of the twenty something crime lords in the city. Apparently they don’t mind sharing lackeys so long as there’s no loose lips. Snitches wind up in ditches after all.

Tonight you’ve interrupted a clandestine meeting in the factory district between Big Mac and a new fellow you’d decided to call Stringbean due to his lithe frame—you never claimed to be creative with your nicknaming ability. All it took was accidentally knocking over a trash can with a deafening bang and here you are, helpless as an overturned turtle, hoping you can talk your way out of this predicament with as little bloodshed as possible.

The telltale cocking of a gun immediately dampens those hopes.

Both you and Big Mac look to the sound, finding Stringbean aiming a pistol your direction. He’s a nervous-looking thing, sweat shining on his brow, and there’s few things in life as scarily unpredictable as a twitchy man with a loaded gun.

“What are you doing,” Big Mac rumbles without any inflection in his tone.

“We agreed no witnesses,” is the breathy, slightly nasally response. Nothing about Stringbean–aside from the weapon in his hands–screams bad guy. He’s thin, bespectacled, suit too neatly pressed like it’s his Sunday best clothes. You estimate him lasting about a week before the bigger sharks gobble him up and spit out his—you squint, oh good lord—his bumblebee patterned bow tie as the only evidence of his existence.

“Witness?” you pipe up. “Witness to what exactly? Care to shed some light–ugh!”

The rest of your sentence ends in another choked wheeze as Big Mac shoves you against the wall again. Yep, something’s definitely broken in your body now. He’s not even looking at you, the bastard, like you’re not even a worthy enough threat to keep an eye on for any devious tricks.

Instead, Big Mac says something to Stringbean, probably some kind of grumbling threat about tearing Stringbean’s head from his shoulders if he doesn’t put the gun away, but the thunderous whooshing of blood in your ears prevents you from hearing if that’s right or not. It’s a good line though, the kind of line that tempts you to sneak it into your draft and hope your boss doesn’t cross it out with that damn red pen of hers, possessing a special sixth sense for sniffing out bullshit.

Stringbean retorts something that’s also lost on you–God, you really need to invest in a tape recorder, or some sort of phone app–but whatever he says has Big Mac dropping you without warning, lunging at the smaller man like a lion after a mouse. You fall on your hands and knees with a faint yelp, gritting your teeth at the instant blooms of pain shooting along your nerve endings. It takes you a second to collect yourself, but it’s a second too long to have wasted, remembering too late how dangerous your situation is—

Bang.

A scream escapes you, cowering against the wall in a scrunched up ball. Big Mac’s lying on the ground, unmoving, a chunk of his shoulder missing and gallons of blood gushing out like a damn river. Oh shit. Oh holy fucking shit. Stringbean’s on the cusp of hyperventilating, seeming unable to process his own actions, and then those anxious, too-wide eyes lock onto you. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“I’m sorry,” Stringbean says, and he actually sounds sincere. But the effect is immediately dulled when he lines up the gun directly with your face.

One would think, being mere seconds from a bullet entering your brain, that you’d have some kind of epiphany about the meaning of life. See flashes from your childhood, hear an angelic chorus, that kinda thing. The odds aren’t in your favor. There’s no healing from a headshot at this close range. You are going to die and the only stupid fucking thing you can think about is that damn catchy jingle.

Squeezing your eyes shut, words tumble out of your mouth at a frantic speed, “Anytime, anyplace, anywhere Statesman is there!”

Stringbean pulls the trigger.

—

Statesman designing a new kind of workers compensation insurance specifically catered for your risky lifestyle had been your boss’ idea. She knew the head guy of the company, some old bearded fellow straight out of a Wild West Eastwood movie called Champagne (no last name, just like Cher), pulled a couple of strings (which is probably code for glared him into submission), handed you a pen, got your signature, and boom—as of three days ago, Lin proudly informed you “You’re completely covered. Cuts, broken bones, rabid squirrel attacks, the whole shebang. Now get out of my office.”

You’d liked your old insurance and had been quite happy with their care, thank you very much. But there’s no arguing with Lin when she gets that glint in her eye like some kind of bird of prey. And besides, forcing insurance on you is a sign she cares, right? That’s what you’ll keep telling yourself anyways.

The commercials are enjoyable, you can admit that at least. Especially the ones where there’s some kind of dangerous situation involving rampaging bison or avalanches or whatnot and the agent, whose uniform includes a leather jacket and cowboy hat, swoops in to the rescue after the poor would-be victims shout out the jingle Anytime, anyplace, anywhere Statesman is there!, then teleports everyone to safety.

Entertaining? Yes.

Realistic? Hell no.

—

There’s a high-pitched ringing in your ears, rattling around inside your skull.

“—ime for this. Get up.”

Huh? Who’s that?

“I don’t like repeating myself. Get. Up.”

Oh no. Eyes still shut, your hands search for a wound, for blood, patting all over your head, then your chest and torso. Nothing. Fuck, you’ve died and crossed over into the afterlife. That’s why there’s no injury or pain. Your life is over. The end. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. You can’t—

Something hard hits your leg. “You’re still alive.”

Your eyes snap open, surroundings blurring into focus. You’re in the warehouse still. Stringbean’s on the floor near Big Mac, sightless blue eyes staring back at you, a bullet hole in the middle of his forehead revealing blood and bone and brain matter. Immediately you avert your gaze, tasting bile in the back of your throat, and it’s only then you see the pair of boots by your legs.

A man stands over you, dressed in a leather jacket and jeans with soft-looking, unstyled brown hair and a stubbled jawline sharp enough to give papercuts. The words ruggedly handsome come to mind and stay there, banishing all other thoughts. Brown eyes so dark they’re verging on black stare down at you beneath furrowed brows, the perfect image of silent judgment. What the hell. He might just be the most attractive person you’ve ever seen, beating Dr. Pretty Eyes Garin by fucking leagues.

“Did you just kick me?” you ask before you can stop yourself, rising to your feet. Your head barely reaches his chest—a very broad chest, you can’t help noticing, leather straining at the shoulders to contain him—and you have to crane your head up to continue meeting his dull, half-lidded gaze.

“You weren’t listening,” says the stranger with a voice like the scrape of a butter knife on toast. Your heartbeat stutters, discovering a new favorite sound, and it takes you an embarrassingly long moment to realize you’re staring at his mouth with way more intensity than a person should look at another person’s mouth.

“Uh, yeah, well I-I thought I was dead. He was going to shoot me.” Your eyes drift towards Stringbean again, frowning at the gun in his hand. It doesn’t look like a pistol anymore, metal mangled and warped. “What the hell?”

“Backfired on him. Rare, but it happens.” He shrugs a shoulder, unconcerned, like he’s seen a thousand bloody incidents and he’s numb to the gore. And that’s…a scary thought to consider.

“Right...” You eye him a bit more critically now, taking in the scar dissecting his eyebrow. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“I didn’t throw it.”

Irritation flares, momentarily overtaking the budding apprehension. It brushes against your journalist instincts, insisting you’re missing something here. “Alright, Mr. Nameless, do you want to at least explain what exactly you’re doing here in the middle of the night?”

“Same as you. Work,” he answers curtly, glancing at his wrist where an expensive-looking watch is wrapped around the tan skin. Your fingers twitch with the urge to touch. “When I’m called, I show up. No matter the time or place.” His eyes flicker around the room with thinly veiled disgust. “Even if it means coming to shitholes like this.”

He goes where he’s called? That’s an interesting and ominous choice of phrasing. What is he, some kind of hitman or secret agent or—

Wait a minute.

Dangerous situation. Popping up out of nowhere. Wearing a leather jacket. Your life is saved despite all the odds stacked against you.

Understanding hits like one of Big Mac’s bricks, finally connecting the dots together and good lord it’s so fucking obvious you fully deserve the forehead slap you give yourself. “Holy shit the jingle actually worked.”

His scarred eyebrow lifts. “What?”

“How did I not know this was a real thing?” you half-ask, half-demand, hands settling on your hips. “You’re proof teleportation is fucking real! I feel like this is something more people should be talking about. Unless…Unless not everyone has this kind of coverage. Oh my God, is this some kind of extra health protection bundle attached to my new contract written in the fine print?”

That stupidly attractive eyebrow lifts even higher.

“Don’t give me that look. Nobody under seventy-five reads all those tiny words, especially when the whole stack is five hundred pages front and back. All those poor trees…Also,” you point an accusing finger, “you’re missing a cowboy hat so I really can’t be blamed for not recognizing you.”

“A cowboy hat?” His face screws up at that, and somehow he makes the expression of someone who stepped in dog shit look attractive. Seriously, how is this guy even real? “I’d rather die than wear one of those.”

You stare at him, slack-jawed at his bluntness. “First of all, too soon, man, too soon. There are dead bodies literally right there. And secondly, wow,” a smidge of awe slips into your tone, “you must have some balls, rebelling against the big boss man like that.”

Oh to have been a fly on the wall seeing Champagne’s reaction to the refusal to comply with the uniform policy. You’d only met the old man for a hot second, but considering his love of westerns it wouldn’t surprise you if he challenged his opponents to quick-fire duels at high noon. Water guns or foam pellets instead of actual bullets, of course. He might gargle with bourbon and use a spittoon, but that doesn’t mean he’s a total heathen.

You snort a quiet laugh, then wince at the ache in your rib cage. Oh, yeah. There’s that fun pain again. The nameless agent turns away with what you think is an eye roll, but it’s too fast to tell, and looks down at Big Mac and Stringbean.

“I-I guess I need to call the police,” you say quietly, stomach churning when a sideways glance reveals a growing pool of blood beneath the bodies. Scary to think how close you’d been to being one of them.

“If it makes you stop talking to me, go right ahead,” your companion quips, uncaring of the scoff he gets for it.

You find your bag by the trash can you’d hidden behind before Big Mac seized you. Bag is a generous term for the accessory that’s more duct tape than fabric after being dropped, kicked, and run over amongst other unfortunate fates. Still, it does a good job of carrying your stuff so you’ll keep on stubbornly holding onto it until the bitter end.

Pulling out your phone, you open the keypad only for the whistling notes of a song to have you freezing in place. Literally, your body feels like it’s become a block of ice, goosebumps rising along your exposed skin. As surreptitiously as you can manage, you sneak a glance at the agent, and it shouldn’t be fair how someone can look so seductive with puckered lips while whistling such an eerily haunting tune. The sheer contrast is enough to make your brain hurt.

Or maybe that’s a side effect of your skull smacking against the wall.

“Did you forget it’s three numbers?” he says abruptly, startling you, and the way he’s now looking at you gives the distinct impression he thinks you’re an idiot. “Two, technically, since one repeats itself–”

“I know what to do,” you snap defensively, turning back to your phone with a huff. Deliberately you slam your thumb against the three buttons, but find yourself hesitating to press call.

Looking up, you find the nameless agent already staring back at you. His head tilts, displaying the same confusion of a dog not understanding their owner’s behavior. It’s…almost ridiculously cute.

“Thanks for, um, being here and stuff,” you tell him, barely restraining yourself from doing something awkward like giving a thumbs up.

He blinks, a flash of something you think resembles surprise crossing his face, and then he’s back to blankness. “I had to come,” he replies.

“Well, yeah, ‘cause of the magic jingle,” you wave a flippant hand, words tumbling out faster than you can keep up with them, “but still, it’s nice, you know, having someone to watch your back, even if I don’t know who you are–”

The sound of your name has your jaw shutting with an audible click. For a second time you think about the unfairness of the situation. He has access to your file, knows your name and personal details, and what do you get to know about him? Bupkis.

“...Yes?”

“Make the phone call,” he says, an edge of amusement in his voice that produces a funny warm feeling in your stomach. Nausea, you decide, that must be it.

Grumbling under your breath, you look back to your phone and finally hit the button, listening to it ring.

“See,” you say, purposefully smug, turning around, “I’m not an idiot–”

The man is gone.

Didn’t even say goodbye, the ill-mannered jerk.

And as the operator picks up, asking what’s your emergency, you can’t help but think your insurance agent is a bit of an enigmatic asshole. All intimidating and sour-faced to ward off unwanted attention. Probably thrives off confusing his clients like he’s some kind of damn Rubik’s cube personified.

Which is good for you since you thrive off of solving mysteries and inserting your nose where it doesn’t belong. You’ll know his name, his birthdate, hell, his entire history by the end of the week.

You eat Rubik’s cubes for breakfast.

#pero tovar #pero tovar fanfiction #pero tovar x reader #pero tovar x you #the great wall fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedrostories #my fic #my writing

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rpmemesbyarat · 1 year

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Unsympathetic Evil Done Right

“You’re not gonna shoot a puppy, are ya Jack?!” “Yeah, in the face, why?” NOTE: NO SPOILERS! SPOILER FREE! A lot has been written about how to make nuanced, noble, and/or sympathetic villains done right. I think I’ve probably written about that too, pretty sure I have. But today I’m going to cover the equal and opposite quandary: How to make a purely evil, unsympathetic villain who knowingly delights in being evil, but not have them be one-note or boring? I think Big Jack Horner in “Puss In Boots: The Last Wish” is a really good example, and he’s from a piece of media that is recent and popular enough that most people will know who he is, he’s not some obscure reference. That said, none of this contains any spoilers for the film, so if you haven’t see it, you’re safe, read on—if you DARE! I think there are a few things that make Jack really work. Firstly, he’s fun to watch while also being scary. He’s both hilarious and threatening, hitting that incredibly difficult sweet spot of being both comedic and a legitimate threat. It’s very difficult for bad guys to be both funny AND scary, since making something funny typically takes away its power to frighten us. But when a bad guy can do both, they become really fun for the audience. You’re not rooting for them, you don’t think they’re good people, but they’re damn entertaining. And yet, we still fear for the protagonist against them. We may logically know that of course the hero will triumph, especially in a children’s movie, but we have to at least wonder HOW that will happen. Jack’s established as a threat from the start, showing a cruel personality very early AND a vast armory of magical items combined with a task force of workers to help him. Even one of the other antagonists treats him with great caution. He’s still not the most dangerous of the lot (Puss in Boots sports THREE antagonistic people or groups) but you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who didn’t find him the funniest, I bet. Part of Jack’s charm is how much fun he himself is having. He’s clearly just enjoying himself immensely up until the very end. He is ENTHUSIASTIC. He is ALL IN. Being a stoic, serious villain absolutely works better for a lot of bad guys, but these are typically for the ones who veer to the “purely scary” side, not the “scary and funny” side. Jack obviously loves what he does, and what he does happens to be being a bastard a lot. His callous disregard for the lives and wellbeing of everyone, including and especially his own men, is also played to the max for black comedy. Another part of his charm is his self-awareness; Jack very much knows he’s awful, and doesn’t try to disguise it in the slightest, nor does he lament it. There’s no scrap of shame at all, and he in fact mocks a character who thought it might be otherwise. Not only does the movie never ask you to feel sorry for him, he never does either. He does have a backstory to explain his motivations, and I like it because it does make it understandable WHY he wants what he does, it just also doesn’t make him sympathetic in the the slightest because it only serves to play up how callow and entitled that he is. You get an explanation that makes sense, but “making sense” for this character also means “emphasizing that much more what an asshole he is” Note that I do think unsympathetic characters can still have very sympathetic backstories and be done well (one of my fave baddies is like that) but that’s another topic, and not Jack. Finally, he’s not the only villain. As mentioned, there’s three antagonistic parties in this film. Of them, Jack’s the only one who could be called evil. One of the others is just doing his job/fulfilling his natural role and that threatens Puss. The other is competing with Puss & Co for the same goal, and is willing to do harm to the heroes to achieve it, but that goal really isn’t any more selfish or unsympathetic than Puss or Kitty’s own goals, and the character is very much a human being, as are her cohorts (though they’re not human, but you get what I mean!) So, Jack is a comically evil bastard who is evil through and through with no excuse, and he’s awesome and fun enough, but he’s also balanced by more nuanced villains who are really less “villains” and more “obstacles to the protagonist in some way” , one a force of nature, the other someone with a goal they can’t achieve without thwarting Puss’s goal. It is definitely hard to pull off in a movie especially because of the limited time, but I think having multiple types of villains in a single work—especially a series, like a comic book or a television show—really helps with pulling each type off that much better. The noble and sympathetic villains can play off and contrast against the complete monsters, and you don’t need to choose between one or the other. In fact, what tends to irritate me most in a series, is when ALL villains are a single type—they’re all super redeemable tragic misunderstood woobies, or they’re all 2D evil cardboard cutouts who eat babies for kicks, etc. People will debate with each other all day about which is more realistic, but I think what’s most realistic AND most interesting for a reader/viewer/consumer is a nice mixed bag of diverse villains. Diverse here meaning diverse personality, diverse motives, diverse ranks on the ‘terrible person’ scale, etc. Again, this isn’t doable in every work. But I think Big Jack type characters can still work well in a solo role as well. Good examples of this abound in the Disney Renaissance films—Scar, Ursula, Gaston, and Jafar are all the perfect combination of hilariously hammy and seriously scary that Jack taps into. This need not be limited to children’s media either, though I think it does work best there. But enjoyable “pure evil” villains in darker, more adult works can still be done, such as Freddie Krueger, some interpretations of various Batman villains, and, rather subtly, Hannibal Lector. The last one isn’t overtly bombastic, he’s not singing big musical numbers about his evil plans or cracking overt jokes every two seconds (though he comes close with his cannibilism puns in the NBC series), but he does have a wry and dry sense of humor, he’s very witty and cultured, and he’s very intelligent. He’s not funny per se, but it can be really interesting to watch him outwit others and pick them apart. While I’ve mostly focused on humor for what makes a baddy fun to watch because that’s the case with Jack Horner, it’s not the ONLY thing that can make them engaging either. Bringing up my point about “unsympathetic characters can have sympathetic backstories” from earlier too, Hannibal does have a tragic tale behind him, but it’s also undeniable he very much enjoys doing what he does for its own sake. Whether he’s truly unsympathetic or absolutely the reverse is probably more down to opinion, unlike Jack and the others, but personally for me he’s in the “just loves being a horrible person” category, and he’s still very interesting both despite and because of that! Some people will tell you that pure evil characters are automatically boring. I don’t think so. I just think most writers don’t put the effort into making them interesting and engaging to watch. And there are MANY ways to do that!

#writeblr #writing #writing tip #writing tips #Villains #writing villains #villain tips

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yes-i-write-fanfiction · 1 year

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You watched puss in boots the last wish? Death is freaking fire! Tfp a cybertronian version of Death. Their grim reaper. Both bots and Cons can see him but only if their near death or something tragic is about to happen. He was thought of as just a legend but I like to think everyone has seen him at least ONCE. But all experiences are confirmed as true when EVERYONE sees him in the distance staring down at them all, a dark cloak covering his face except for his piercing eyes as a eerie whistle fills the night sky. Who do you think would be most affected by his sudden appearance?

For the autobots, I think the one who would be the most affected by Death's appearance would be Ratchet. As a medic it's his job to make his patients better, to heal them. Despite this, it's inevitable that some will die. As good of a medic as he is, sadly Ratchet has seen a lot of people die, experienced it closer than most bots. Because of this he's seen Death a handful of times.

To Ratchet, Death's appearance is a terrible omen because he associates it with his own self perceived failures as a medic. He blames himself for not being able to save the lives of his patients and the guilt manifests itself as a hatred for Death. In the end, he's simply terrified that his sudden appearance means that yet another one of his friends will die.

Meanwhile, Death in his own way tries to alleviate Ratchet's guilt because he knows better than anyone that none of those deaths were his fault.

As for the decepticons, it might sound too obvious but Starscream would be the one who's most affected by seeing Death. I imagine that the last time he saw him was back on Cybertron and that he had just narrowly escaped a situation where he truly thought he was going to die. After just barely surviving he saw Death, standing at a distance, staring at him. There were no words exchanged between them but the experience was so striking to Starscream that it terrifies him to this day.

To Starscream, Death symbolizes his inevitable demise, the fact that one day he will die and there's nothing he can do to change that. He might live for millions of years more, might survive the war and claw his way through life, but one day he's ultimately going to die. Because cybertronians might live for incredibly long times but they are not immortal. No matter what he does, he will never be able to escape this finality.

Death's appearance will frighten Starscream to the point that he will most probably isolate himself somewhere, far away from anyone or anything that could possibly kill him. He's too frightened and overwhelmed to even consider his own mortality.

#transformers imagine #transformers prime #ratchet #starscream #puss in boots

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artist-issues · 8 months

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What do you think about Disney's Wish?

Predictions:

The movie will be an eye-candy with beautiful 2D and 3D. (But going by the trailer it's not as impressive as the Puss in Boots the Last Wish or Spiderverse. We need a better name for that animation style. How about 2/3D? ZED? I don't know.)

The music will be great. (But after listening to the song from the trailer that is supposed to be the ''I want song'', oh my God the lyrics are so generic and bland they can fit practically any main character ever. And it's just a lot of singing about nothing.)

The Star character, Valentino or both will be annoying.

Valentino will be funny and marketable but the movie could've worked without him.

The world will be huge, beautiful, and interesting and we explore none of it.

The protagonist will be bland with one obvious flaw or a dream which will be related to the message of the movie.

The message will have all the subtlety of the hammer in the face.

Inconsistencies, contradictions, and random stuff happening because funny/the plot.

References to older classics that you wish you would be watching. (You saw how many references they cram now into their other movies? And now it's one of the things they talked about the most!)

Death is funny until we have the fake-out death then you need to care.

No love interest because love makes women weak apparently. Or no love interest because the actress is a lesbian and she talked about how Asha ''looks like her'' because modern acting isn't about pretending to be something you're not, it's about showing who you are every chance you get. And for those who think they might make a lesbian love interest, I would like you to take a look at the gay ''romance'' in the Strange World. But if by some chance they do I doubt it will be any good. When was the last romance in Disney, Frozen 2 (2018) and that's a holdover from the first movie (2013) and the last good romance was Tangled (2010).

Lame villain! It's supposed to be a throwback to the older Disney movies and that includes its villains but Disney is so incompetent with their IPs I wouldn't be surprised if they get their own villain ''formula'' wrong. I swear if they try to make him a twist after spoiling that Chris Pine will be voicing the villain and his evil laugh in the teaser trailer, or ''redeem'' him after he did unspeakable evils. And no villain song. Can Chris Pine sing? Please no terrible auto-tune!

Making jabs at old Disney tropes even tho this movie isn't even half as good as the movies that came before it, uses a bunch of other modern tropes or straight up the same ones that it mocked earlier and completely misinterprets them and uses them even worse! Modern Disney seems to hate its past and does everything to show how ''better'' they are now. Which is untrue in most cases and just smug and annoying!

I'm sorry for being so pessimistic but that's how jaded I become and only towards Disney. It might be their greatest hit that will make people think ''Disney is back''. But Disney needs to change. One good movie will not save them if they keep making remakes that lose money.

I don't know; some of the things you've listed are likely, but I doubt all of them will be true!

I think the animation looks...unfinished. Isn't that odd? It looks like there's not a lot to fill in the scene, and what is there didn't get done rendering.

See these are pretty, but there just isn't a lot going on in the backgrounds--it's very icon-y. Maybe they're going for a storybook-look, but...a very minimalist, simple storybook? Not like Snow White:

Or Pinocchio

I can see that there are 2D textures on the trees and grass and stuff, but I wish there was just more there. Like all these pots and all the stonework in the background, in the screenshots from classic Disney above. Where’s the stuff; it would look even better if there was stuff. You know usually when Disney tries a new technique or look, they show it off. In Moana, they’re like we animated water, and as a result, we are going to show you SO MUCH WATER. In Tangled, they were like, we nailed the hair, and as a result you get to see Rapunzel’s hair do SO MUCH. In Wish it looks like the artists were shy about showing off the painterly stuff. But I’m no expert.

I really agree about the music. Like I really agree. I have only heard snippets. But I remember seeing the trailers for Frozen when a little bit of the music would play and immediately wanting to hear more. Looking it up like “Frozen trailer music” because just the snippet was enough. In this movie, I like the trailer until she starts singing, and then for some reason my whole brain rolls it’s eyes. Why does it do that for this movie? I love Disney music. I listen to Disney Princess Christmas album every season even though it’s not amazing, because I just like hearing characters sing. So why should I be exasperated by new feature-film Disney music, even if it does sound just like the others? I don’t know. I am not a music expert, either; I’m just telling you who I am (a Disney lover) and how inexplicably I reacted to Wish’s little music thing. Chris Pine can sing, but just like everything he does: he sounds like Chris Pine singing.

I think you’re right about Valentino; I don’t know if that’s a fair criticism, though. The Little Mermaid could’ve worked without Flounder. Mulan could’ve worked without Cri-Kee. Cinderella could’ve worked without Jacques. Moana absolutely did work without Pua. But in the new movie’s trailer I did feel like, “this feels like a pointless character.” Don’t know why.

The world actually looks empty to me. See points about the art style above. I don’t want to explore what I’ve seen of it, because it looks like an unfinished Open-World game that someone wants me to stream walkthroughs of on YouTube, and I’m like “no thank you, that looks boring.” But maybe that’ll be the point. Maybe in the story, the Wishing Star deepens and fills up every piece of scenery it interacts with! That would be cool. Maybe there’s a story-reason for the world.

I don’t know about the protagonist being bland. To make a good character (particularly in a kid’s movie) you need one big flaw (to make the character believable) and one big strength (to make the character compelling) and then little flaws and strengths surrounding that. For example, Aladdin’s one big flaw is his insecurity, and his one big strength is his compassion. You can file smaller traits like “trust issues, impulsivity, defensiveness, dishonesty” under the Insecurity flaw, and you can file “generous, insightful,” under the Compassion strength. His compassion makes him help and connect with Jasmine in the marketplace even though his Insecurity leads him to think he needs to be a Prince to re-connect with her after she turns out to be the Princess, etc. So it’s fine if she has one obvious flaw. She just really needs it to be relatable. All Disney characters wish for something. But every single one of them typically learns that the thing they were wishing for isn’t what they thought it would be, and to have what’s worth wishing for (love, usually) requires sacrifice. It’s a formula, but it’s a tried-and-true formula. It’s a multi-faceted formula. If they pick a new facet but remember the good, plain, common sense in the same formula, everything will be fine.

Their messages have been less and less subtle. In general I don’t mind when messages are obvious, because (you know me) I think that’s what movies are for. But! I will admit that movies like The Little Mermaid or Beauty & the Beast or Lilo & Stitch, where the messages are wrapped in layers of compelling character arcs and feel more character-driven, are better than movies like Raya and the Last Dragon. No shade, Raya, but how many times can you say “trust” in the same movie? Aladdin did it in two.

I don’t mind references in movies. Worked for Frozen. But there’s a difference between having Anna excitedly see the sails of a ship entering the harbor as a callback to Pocahontas, and having Rapunzel ask Vanellope if people assume all her problems were solved because a big strong man showed up. One is respectful (hey, let’s parallel Anna seeing the start of a new chapter in her life the same way Pocahontas did with sails!) and the other is sort of poking fun at the audience for ever liking what Disney made. Basically I’m very tired of meta-references.

I think this movie has potential to treat death with the weight it’ll need. After all, if it’s about wishes, one of the very easiest but most emotionally-engaging things they could do is have the main character (or the villain) be wishing to bring someone who’s died back. Then the message could go hard.

I totally agree about romance. The thing about romance is, it is a great way for one character to self-examine and confront their issues, as well as move into a place where they’re willing to sacrifice for others. Having a young, naive character set out to get their dreams, and then run into another character and start to care about that character? It forces conflict and tension, and again, it’s a formula, but it’s a formula that makes sense and shouldn’t be fixed because it’s not broke.

What I really don’t like about this villain is that he just feels bland, like a rockstar character who turns out to be a jerk. Surprise, surprise. And Chris Pine plays Chris Pine in everything he’s in, so I’m not thrilled by that either. But whatever.

Yeah, this last point goes back to meta-humor. #NotMyDisney thinks it needs to acknowledge what’s being mocked in order to trick the mocking audiences into watching their new stuff. “If we just own up to our formulas with a joke, they’ll see we’re self-aware and they’ll come along for the ride!” No, actually, you’ll just take them out of the movie mentally and emotionally to hit them with a fourth-wall slap. And then they’ll mock you because that’s cringe. The truth of the matter is, Disney responded to their haters best with Mary Poppins, and then again with Enchanted, and should’ve left it at that. Don’t say “yeah I know we have princesses and cute animals in our movies, aren’t we silly.” Say, “yeah I know we have Princesses and cute animals in our movies, but that’s because life is dark and hard, and hopeful young women with lowly but loveable creatures are inspiring & important. Kids need a spoonful of sugar to HELP the MEDICINE GO DOWN. But it's still MEDICINE that we're making, you're telling us we shouldn't give kids medicine that tastes good?" That’s what they used to say. Now they just…agree with the haters? Because it's a popularity contest, not a responsibility, anymore. Like that’s going to help.

Anyway, I don’t have set-in-stone thoughts about Wish, because Wish hasn’t come out yet. I agree that actors and actresses can give you some idea of where a movie’s headed and sometimes that’s disheartening, but I haven’t seen anything that makes me worry about Wish—except that it looks bland.

#Disney’s wish #wish movie #Disney #wish #Disney wish #wishing Star #when you wish upon a star #asked #answered #State of the fandom

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gale-gentlepenguin · 1 year

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Gale reviews: Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

Alright so I FINALLY saw the movie and after an ordeal with the AMC

I can finally give my thoughts on this movie.

So in order to properly rank this. I will put the following Categories.

Animation

Plot

Characters

Music

Fanservice

Lesson

And I will give my final score at the bottom. I will try not to get too spoiler heavy but spoilers below

And for those that dont want ANY spoilers. I will say it is a great kids movie go watch it

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Animation:

This movie is Absolutely Gorgeous. Every mushroom, every brick has been lovingly crafted. I LOVE the attention to details, I love how hard each hit feels in this movie. The Choreography in this and flow is incredible. Illumination's eye for visual slapstick is still on a league of its own and it fits very well with the movie.

The character expressions all flowed great and you felt sucked in by the expression. It was like watching a Mario game. Brooklyn, The Mushroom kingdom, The Dark Lands, The Ice Kingdom, The Kong kingdom and Rainbow road ALL felt distinct and flowed. I am IN LOVE with this movies asthetic. The action was perfectly paced, I would even say it matched and surpassed the flowing animation of Puss in boots Last wish.

10/10

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Plot

So its pretty straight forward, Bowser tries to take over the kingdom, and he needs to be stopped. Mario and Luigi end up sucked into the mushroom kingdom trying to make a name for themselves as plumbers and get separated.

Mario ends up meeting Toad, Peach and Donkey Kong and the crew end up fighting Bowser and Saving Luigi. It starts as a trip to get reinforcements to fight the koopa army, turns into a race on rainbow road, then turns into a fight at a wedding and then finally a showdown in Brooklyn.

Mario and Luigi save the day and end up finding a connecting route to the the Mushroom kingdom and Brooklyn.

Now there is a LOT that happens in between these plot points and I will say it does feel a bit fast at times. But It is entertaining, Mario and Peach bond. And the scale and excitement never decreases. It is solid.

7.5/10

I wish more time could be spent in some places but thats mainly a pacing thing. and its the only real gripe I have.

___________________________________________________________

Characters

I think I will break this up into multiple sections.

Mario: I will say it, the previews took all the worst bits of Chris Pratt's VA work. Because he actually did a bang up job, I didnt hear Chris Pratt, I heard Brooklyn Mario (And the Accents are explained to be part of the commercial which has Charles cameo AMAZINGLY done)

I liked Mario's character, he was a guy that wanted to prove himself and doesnt know when to quit. Mario also doesnt like mushrooms, it was funny. He can get down on himself, but push comes to shove he is Mario and will do anything for those he loves. He has some cute bonding moments with Peach and they have a good chemistry, which I can say could be romantic or not, both are fine ways of interpretation. His goal and lengths he is willing to go to save his brother are great and I love it. Mario is great in the movie.

Peach: I will admit, I was worried on how they handled peach here. I knew they were going to make her a girl boss. And I do think that she is not as Feminine or Charming as what one would expect from Peach... BUT she has the good heart and cares for her subjects. Which Peach will be self sacrificing to help her people, but also will do what she can to mess with Bowser. As shown in her fight at the wedding. She and Mario got a good dynamic and I enjoy the roll. Though I do like that she isnt invincible, she can be outmatched and there are things even she thinks are too risky.

Luigi: I feel robbed. Not because Luigi's performance was bad, FAR FROM IT. I wanted MORE Luigi. Luigi was captured for most of the movie and had the funniest bits. He also had his big hero moment and really helped drive home one of the big lessons. I am glad that he is supportive of brother and he thinks he is the coolest guy. The characterization of Luigi was PERFECT. But as mentioned before, I wanted more of him

Toad: He was a delight. I think he has great comedic moments and I love how he just claims Mario as his BFF. He gets really funny jokes and the bits are usually out of left field. My favorite has to be how he distracted the guards, I wont dare spoil it, but it involves a Frying pan.

Donkey Kong: I thought I would hate DK. I still am not sold on the voice... THAT BEING SAID. Donkey Kong being the show off big shot that cant see past his own ego and just wants his dad to be proud of him was not what I expected but enjoyed. He also has some good moments. One moment you think he is gonna bond with Mario over Dad issues but then left turn, he goes "Well your dad's right, you suck"

It just sort of works for them, they have this frenemies vibe that I love.

Bowser:

Bowser steals the movie. He is the funniest character. He is the best character. HE WROTE A LOVE BALLAD FOR PEACH called "Peaches". He is goofy yet Intimidating. Jack Black's voice for him was perfect and the Character acting was on point. Jack Black NAILED BOWSER. He is DEFACTO Bowser. I cant say enough of how amazing his bowser was. It was just so perfect.

The others: From Mario's extended family, The Koopas, Kamek, kranky, the Luma, The Penguins. I LOVED all the side characters. I cant name one I didnt enjoy. Shout out to the Blond Kong in a sports Blazer who casually caused a kart crash of a By-stander

Now Aside from Bowser I cant say the characters are deep, but they were not meant to be. They were what they needed to be. I enjoyed all the characters on screen and never felt myself loathing not seeing a certain character for longer.

solid 8/10 (Jack black and bowser are 10/10 tho)

______________________________________________________________ Music

So I wanted to give this a 10/10, but I cant.

I found some of the random 80's rock songs a bit out of place. It is Illumination.

But outside of those songs, when they are doing the mario music and themes they ARE GLORIOUS. Bowser's fury theme and the Remixed Star theme were my personal favorites

All of the mario music is beautifully crafted. You know papa nintendo made sure they did it justice.

Overall, 8/10

The 80's songs werent the worst pick but they werent needed. Should have just stuck with the mario stuff.

But... it is illumination.

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Fanservice

ALL OF THE REFERENCES,

FOREMAN SPIKE

Pauline

CHARLES Martinet AS MARIO'S FATHER AND GIUSEPPE

PUNCH OUT PIZZARIA

the musical references,

The princess is in another castle joke.

The sound effects.

The entire movie is CRAMMED FULL of references and jokes that I am sure I didnt get all of them.

This movie was CRAFTED from Fanservice.

Is the Sonic 2 movie is a love letter to the fans,

The Super Mario Bros Movie is a full on Love Biography to them.

I am so full of the fanservice I was squealing

10/10

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Lesson

I wasnt expecting the Super mario bros Movie to have a lesson, and to my surprise it had 2 lessons.

Never give up. Mario shows throughout the entire movie his grit and determination no matter how much people look down on him or underestimate him. He got back up and kept fighting.

The power of Brotherly love. Luigi had faith in his brother who was always there for him. And he knew that things will be alright as long as they were together. And Luigi took it to heart, learning that what his brother said was true. Brotherly love made them invincible (well actually it was the power star, but it was because of that love they were able to get it.)

I am not gonna put it at the level of Puss in Boots the last wish. But its some good lessons

7/10

_____________________________________________________________

Overall, this movie, if you arent a Super Mario super fan, Is a solid 8/10

It has good characters, funny/hilarious slapstick and moments, fun action, and great for kids with a good lesson.

If you are a mario super fan (Like me)

Solid 9.5/10

I would watch it again no questions. I do wish it had more Mareach and Yoshi

#super mario movie #super mario bros #mario #super mario bros movie #gale reviews #LETS A GO

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silvereyedzoroark · 3 months

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I should have gotten this pic done days ago, but anyway....yep it was me and my twin Birthday on the 3rd! we're getting older and it sucks XD

It sort of got made into a long weekend sort of thing, starting Friday getting cake, playing escape room game that my twin brought and watching Puss in Boots the last wish movie, sadly the cake was a bit much for me and made me feel very unwell at the end of the day >.<

Fortunately waking up Saturday I was fine again and me and my Twin went to a real Escape Room and manage to beat it!! I'll go into more details of that in another pic as I want to draw, some things based on what happened. I had wanted to do other stuff but because of a certain family member that got derailed and we couldn't and my twin also had work so things were kept short.

I know now looking back on the day what triggered me to have an emotional blow-up/vent, that those who watch me on my DeviantArt account know about and got very worried about me for it. I still regret posting that, but I will admit I had been dealing with melt downs prior to my Birthday, two days when I did emotionally breakdown and two other's I managed myself out from fully breaking down, all events I kept from my twin, she has a lot on her plate and she didn't need to know what was happening with me. Anyway moving on.

Sunday played almost 6 hours of Palworld probably would have gone for longer, but I was both very hungry because I had missed lunch and was tired. (We had an idea to go to the carnival that was in town, but decided against it, we hate crowds, we don't want to go on the rides we don't want to eat the food, its hot and the only thing we would be doing would be carnival games and trying to get prizes mainly through using my twin and her skills)

Monday I had hope to go around and shop a bit, especially locations I haven't been to for a while but it was stupidly hot again (Has been for days >.<) it was decided to cut it short and just do normal groceries shopping and just going to EB Games as a treat and use our B-Day voucher - THE END

Yeah not very exciting, sadly their isn't a lot to do where I live and we hadn't prepare more to plan out how we were going to celebrate our day.

But that being said I am glad to be sharing this earth with my twin and all that things she does. She is a very kind, thoughtful, hardworking and amazing person who deserve a lot more than what she get's.

Thank you for being my twin and my best friend.

#pokemon #sona #pokemon sona #Jelly #Citrus #hisuian zoroark #zoroark #birthday cake

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popculturebuffet · 10 months

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Into the Spider-Verse Finale: Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse Review (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

In Memory of John Romita Senior 1930-2023

Let's do this one last time. I"m Jacob Mattingly, and for the past few months, i've been reviewing the first apperances of spider-men. I've seen them enjoy crackers and milk, knock themselves out on furnaces, drum to deal with their pent up angst, rage, get powers from a spooky god while buck naked, and crumple a pipe like paper in their hand. It's been a long, loving ride into comics that not only got my comics reviewing mojo back but allowed me to share one of my faviorite franchises with you fine folks, many of whom don't usually read comics.

So we've come to the end of this retrospective, a bit later thanks to all the chaos of me using, but appropriatley as the final review i'm doing from the only home i've ever known. After 561 reviews here, it's time to say goodbye and given this is both one of the best projects i've done in my career and one where i've finally started editing better, it feels like the note to go out on.

This review has also been super intemidating to start. I'm an animation and comics nerd.. and Into is easily one of the best animated films AND best superhero films ever. It's also MASSIVELY influental, something I didn't see coming when I walked out of the theater, but really should've and we're now starting to see in earnest now the production cycle has had enough time to catch up to this film being a MONSTER hit. From modern masterworks like Mitchells Vs the Machines and Puss In Boots: The Last Wish to upcoming possible greats like TMNT: Mutant Mayhem, it's very clear studios are now far more likely to break from the standard CG styles and do something fresh, and audiences fucking love it. I hadn't realized till this film how much you could play with animation, from the concept of ones and twos to making a comic book movie look like a comic book. Any time I paused while watching this it felt like looking at a panel. The art here is gorgeous and the script matches it. So the question was both what would I have to say about the film and would I be able to live up to it? The only way to find out. is to take the leap. So join me under the cut as we swing into the spider-verse once again and see what makes this film so great 5 years later. Also as a heads up spoilers for the sequel will be present so if you somehow havne't seen it, you've been warned.

Let's Do This One More Time.... To get into why this film happened we have to get into Sony's treatment of spider-man. Said treatment has been a near neverending cycle of doing something right with it.. only to do something that shoots what they did right several times in the foot, stabs it and lights it on fire. Sam Rami makes two great spider-man films? Let's overly interfere with the last one and weigh it down with a lot of stuff it didn't really need. Amazing Spider-Man was decent with two tremendous leads in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone but had some places to improve like peter being a skater boy she said see you later boy? Let's get complicated with it, overly focusing on Peter's Parents, including PLANNING TO HAVE PETER'S DAD SHOW UP ALIVE, a mysterious man in a trench coat from a tie in novel, and make harry osborn into this.

It's hard to decide which is worse. I mean their both worse than that time Harry Got a Mustache in College

A very high bar no doubt, but it's hard to decide if modern pale emo kid or GNEEE GNEEE I'M THE GREEN GOBLIN GNEEE GNEE was worse. Though I think we all can agree sony deciding "You know this pathetic weirdo we just had kill one of our most popular characters? LET'S GIVE HIM A MOVIE" is just.. one of the most baffling decisions they've made. Popular Anti-Hero with his own history, rogues and dynamic outside of spider-man Venom makes us an unexpected hit? Let's give him a sequel.. which was actually logical. So naturally they also decide "let's make OTHER spider-man villians and anti heroes into their own movies" I mean who DOSEN'T want a kraven movie?.... me.. me don't want that. I want Kraven IN a movie, but why. And the less said about morbius that dosen't involve Matt Smith giving one hell of a performance or weirdly dancing to show off his impressive abs the better.

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Why wasn't the film just... Matt Smith as a more villianous version of morbius? A riddle for the ages. The point is sony has a GOLDEN franchise.. but often has no idea what to do with it. It's why when this film was pitched they were trying badly to find something to do with it, hence Venom. So since they had an animation division that while not terrible only really had one franchise of note, head of spider-man stuff Amy Pascal went to two of the men who'd made one of the most succesful animated films of the time and who were on a high point in their career and asked what they would do. These men.. were Christopher Lord and Phil Miller. The two had had a rocky start in their careers, show running the cult hit Clone High, which while well loved to the point we finally got a new season this year that was pretty dang good, wasn't exactly a big hit. Eventually though the two broke out with 21 Jump Street, a film no one had a ton of faith in hearing about it, myself included. The film was a comedy reboot of the old series, lampooning the whole premise and lamp shading the hell out of everything from this being a reboot, to our heroes not remotely passing for high schoolers, to high school drama itself, and not only revived Lord, Miller and Stars Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill's careers. This naturally got a sequel, which was not only even better and more meta, cumulating in a hell of an ending lampshading the idea of this being a franchise, we also got one of the funniest scenes in the history of film. And yes that's a hill i'm wiling to die on.

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And even THAT woudn't be it as the two would go on to make the Lego Movie, a film that was both stylistically brilliant, hilarious and used the property brilliantly AND followed that up with The Lego Batman Movie. The two had a clear talent for taking a property, doing something fresh with it while honroing what worked so they were a no brainer to ask to do this. As for why would they.... IT'S SPIDER-MAN. If I got offered to make a movie about spider-man i'd do it. Who wouldn't?

Ironically though while Miller and Lord had the creative vision, something even I didn't know till recently is that they didnt' direct the film. In fact out of them only Lord wrote the film, co writing it with Rodney Rothman, who also co-wrote 22 Jump Street which as established above, is quality as hell. Rothman's Resume up to Jumpstreet isn't really anything huge, having done writing stints on underclared, the short lived ups animated sitcom Game Over, and having been a writer on Letterman, the last of which i'm mostly noting because he proudly revealed he was the one Chris Farley threw in a dumpster, but he clearly just needed more of a shot as both films he's co-written prove.

He also wasn't flying solo in direction, with his co directors, while also inexperinced in directing for the most part, having far more animation experince. First up is bob perschetti, who did the story for the original puss in boots and a smaller film called the little prince, and did tons of storyboard work for dreamworks, having worked on Shrek 2, Monsters Vs Aliens, Flushed Away and Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit, which I previously covered. He was also an inbetweener on a smorgasboard of disney films.

Finally we have Peter Ramsey, the only one to have directed a theatrical film before this with Rise of the Guardians, and was a storyboard artist on a list of flims so massive and prestigous i'm just going to let this wikipedia screencap speak for itself.

Yeahhhh. See I point out the lack of direction credintials not to shame them, sometimes it can take decades before you get your shot, but more because it's so utterly shocking that as experinced as these guys are only one of them had directed before this. The film is gorgeous and groundbreaking.. and makes it that much more baffling it took this long for these three guys to get such a big , well deserved shot and given all have projects going on right now, I couldn't be happier.

So the production itself seemed to go smoothly for the most part. The only exceptions were Sony nixing a cameo from tom holland (as they found it confusing) and something massive: one year out from the film being released Lord and Miller felt the film wasn't working and thus decided to rewrite it. This itself dosen't seem too bad, a year seems like a lot of time... but in animation terms.. that's hardly anything and also heavily involved taking what they already had and figuring out how to recontextualize it. If you couldn't tell from going that far, the duo were fans, having read spider-man comics and done research for it, picking thier spider-men carefully. The results.. well the results are nothing short of amazing, spectacular or peter parker.

Taking the Leap: As I mentioned earlier Spider-verse.. changed film animation. This isn't hyperbole either; if you look at the bulk of this year's animated films their all more stylistic with many, TMNT: Mutant Mayhem and Nimona in paticular, using a combo of 2d and 3d animation and it stretches into last year two with The Bad Guys and Puss in Boots and in 2020 with Sony's own Mitchell's Vs the Machines. More studios are experimenting with their style and trying something diffrent and what's more remarkable is that.. they aren't just 1:1 copying spiderverse. Many have taken it's sketchy style sure , but no one's doing it the exact same way: Spider-Verse often resembles a comic book, TMNT a sketch book and nimona something else entirely. Each is drawn and rendered.. but each in a way all it's own.

It's not to say films before this didn't have their own style: as my friend Kammie pointed out in a long conversation about animation recently, Dreamworks has always had it's distinct character models and before this The Peanut Movie (one of my faviorite cg animated films ever) and Rango both tried to play with it. Peanuts in paticular also took a stab at emulating the comics it's based on. The problem was while both films were gorgeous.. neither really took off. Peantus was a modest success, but the Schultz family had no interest in a sequel, while Rango didn't really land at the box office. And when something fails hollywood tends to blame the work itself and not circumstance or

Spider-Verse broke that by not only being a mainstream hit but one that really worked the animation as hard as it could. It gets .. incredibly technical and even I wasn't aware of how much till going to tv tropes but simply: most animation is done on ones or twos. Ones means a unique image every frame, twos means a unique image every other frame. You usally use one or the other. Spider-Man.. does BOTH, which is as exausting as it sounds, using 2s on the characters and 1's on the character work to give it a more dynamic vision, and shaking it up when needed, such as having miles on ones for most of the film , the rest of the spider people on twos, and then miles on twos after the what's up danger scene. It's a LOT of dedication and that's not even getting to how every spider-person has a slightly diffrent animation style. The results are eye candy in it's purest form: every pause is a panel, every action catches your eye, everything works. And the panel part is paticuarlly notable as the crew did their damndest to make this LOOK like a comic in motion. It's something that , as many great comic book movies and superhero films as we've had.. you simply cannot do in live action. So if it's so obvious why did it take till 2018 to do?

It's likely other suprehero animated films had the idea.. but there was no way in hell they were getting the budget to do it. And if you've seen say the incredibles, mask of the phantasm of megamind, those budgets are already pretty damn vast for their times. Animation is a great medium.. but when it comes to film... the big studios get complacient really fast. Animated Films are EXPENSIVE and a huge swing like this is a radioactive spider-risk. It's why up until spider-verse most studios have stuck to their guns: Disney and Pixar have ocasoinal style shifts but you can genuinely tell when a film's by either stuido, Illumination basks in it's cheap but effective house style, and Warner.. well warner just dosen't give a shit in general why would it here. Dreamworks is the only one that really shook up styles and even then until this year they didn't shake up how they aniamted. After all if it works.. why fix it. And before anyone asks, no i'm not saying "ALL THESE OMVIES ARE TERRIBLE FUCK THEM AMIRITE". I'm saying that the industry got complacent and it's something I, an animation critic, didn't even realize till spider-verse's effects started being felt. Animation really did change because this one film took a leap and it's only for the better: Mutant Mayhem looks to be the best tmnt adaptatoin ever, a VERY high bar from an obessive tmnt fan like me, Nimona looks awesome, i've heard good things abotu Ruby Gilman from Kammie, and Puss In Boots was fucking magic. And while they all likely woud've ben good regardless, this leap has really changed things and hopefully will continue to from here on out as more and more new films catch up lead time wise. To quote Kammie

"The new giants of major western movie animation are Sony and Dreamworks, they're willing to innovate and take risks where most other studios falter and resort to retreading old territory or using stock plots. Do they still innovate technicalogically? Yes. Does that matter when you make movies that only look slightly more realistic than the last one you did? No. We don't go to animation for realism, we go to it for escapism, to see worlds that are utterly impossible and larger-than-life characters, find places that we can only visit in our dreams, to see sheer spectacle that's not possible in live action. Animation more than anything is only limited by technology, and it's a testament to it that most live action films have CGI, a form of animation, involved in making them what they are."

But animation is only half of it. How's the story? Good: But that's pretty obvious so let's go into our characters and what not shall we?

Miles Morales: Anyone Can Wear the Mask

So first up danger is our hero.. well one of many but Miles is our focus and was a perfect choice for it: his arc in the comics is a coming of age story in the vein of the original and ultimate spider-men (the latter being miles predecessor), and really explores what it means to be spider-man: in the comics Miles rejects the idea outright until peter dies.. and he realizes with great power comes great responsiblity and that he can be what peter was.. and then has to settle into the harsh realities of being spidey as well as the good it brings. Bringing a character like that into a story with a bunch of other spider-man all showing what it could mean with diffrent people was genius. The film also nicely tweaks things to make an already good story better. The first is miles age: in the comics he's currently 16-17.. but started out as a 13 year old. The idea worked, both to seperate it from the 16 year old peter he replaced and to make the danger that much more horrifying as it's happening to a much younger person and make some doubts about him doing it more understandable, but it works better to have miles as a teen here, to have him grown up just enough to understand a lot.. but still question who he is. It also allows the nice parallel of getting his powers around the same age as peter.

Another is that in the comics while Miles gets into brooklyn visions by lottery.. what that means for him really isn't focused on. It's hard, but he adjusts to it fairly well and the issue is more having to spider-man from a heavily montired private dormintory. Into instead explores what it would really mean for a kid from a working class family having to leave all the people he knew and grew up with to go to a fancy prep school where most of his classmates ignore him at best. In the comics Miles at least had his best friend going with him: here's he's just alone in an unfamiliar place he badly wants to leave.

I also like that his getting into the school isn't ALL luck. While he literally won the lottery, and yes they really do lottery children's chances for a better future and yes it's fucked up, his mom makes note of him passing the entrance exam and while trying to flunk out delbieratley, his teacher notes he got an exact zero... and then gives him a 100 as to get the answers THAT wrong.. you have to know all of them. Miles is a smart kid.. but he just hates where he is because he's alone. It's not helped by his.. let's say complicated relationship with his dad. Jefferson.. is not the most likeable guy. He's more than the comics where he's an out and out anti-mutant racist douchebag who outright abandons his son when he finds out (he DOES get better, but it's still a dick move), but he's still a domenering presence: when Miles brings up wanting to leave the school Jefferson is admant on him staying. He refuses to really.. empthaize with his son, being mad at his habit of putting up nametags, not really supporting his grafiti art (another deft addition to the character It ruly love), and not really getting him. Jefferson MEANS well: he wants miles to have a life jeff didn't. Like in the comics i'ts heavily implied Jeff didn't really start with anything nor did he or Aaron have the best life, having to steal to survive. He grew past it while Aaron embraced the criminal life style, but it's clear Jefferson WANTS his son to do better.. but is so stubborn and controlling he can't see that miles is miserable and that he needs to stop putting his foot down and start actually listening. The school WILL be good for miles in the long run.. but it's hard for him to see that without anyone helping him. It's easy to see WHY Miles prefers his uncle. Aaron davis isn't the best person, and we'll get to that.. b ut it's clear he loves his nephew and encourages him in school. It's just Aaron also takes the time to LISTEN, to try and gently push miles, asking him what he actually likes about the schol, encouraging him to make a move on his crush. Grnated the shoulder touch is a very awkward move no one should try and I never would, seriously don't touch a woman without their permission folks, but he means well with it. He also wants better for Miles.. he just respects miles more as a person. And with Miles feeling like one person but being shoved in another direction... being spider-man was the last thing he needed. Something I like about Miles as a character both here and in the comics.. is that being spider-man DOSEN'T make his life better at first. See even if most spider-men eventually get the lowered boom of someone they love dying, most get to at least enjoy it first. Looking back at the origins, Peter getting his powers takes a young nerd with no power and gives him all of it, Spider-Ham got a surrogate mom and teh power to crumple other peoples pipes like paper in his hand, while NOir's origin was.. less than ideal

He still got the power to fight back against a corrupt world, and Gwen much like peter got a power high. Miles.. never gets that in either version. In the comics he's utterly terrified and here he not only gets that.. but also gets humilated: trying the touch fails..as it likely woul'dve anyway, and instead messes up gwen's hair in the short run and makes it kick ass in the long run, sends him running in a panic from school security, and gets him stuck to about 80 dozen things. It shows the part most spidey origins and a chunk of superhero origins skip: that while getting powers is fun.. the learning curve usually sucks. Instead of the power high.. miles is just terrified by what he is and what he must do now and has no idea what he's doing. While most spider-man get the good of it first and have to learn the harsh realities of being a superhero later, usually with some horrific death, miles is one who from the get go realized with great powers comes a spinerett load of trauma. It's something the next film will deconstruct, but for now it's simply stripping that back and showing that while anyone can be spider-man.. it's not exactly a fun job as it is on paper.

So Miles goes to try find his uncle and when that fails, goes to the place he got bit by the spider..

Because he gets thrown into a supervillian battle, meets the real spider-man, and gets a hard truth from Peter Peter: You're like me. Miles: I don't want to be. Peter: I don't think you have a choice, kiddo.

It's not Blonde Peter being harsh or cruel.. he's just honest. You can try running away from powers, trying to live a normal life.. but eventually it catches up with you. Peter's tried to quit multiple times.. but it dosen't stick because great power, great responsibility. He can try and give up, leave it to other guys.. but at the end of the day having this gift means using it wisely.. and in miles case having it also makes him a target. And Miles ALMOST gets a mentor.. but then peter dies and gruffly tells Miles "You gotta save the world now slugger". Oh and not two seconds later he nearly dies getting chased by a superman. And he wasn't even supposed to be here today. Honestly I didn't even realize till I sat down to write this but the first half hour or so of the film.. is pretty bleak for miles. He gets power he dosen't want, has to watch the world's greatest hero die, and is left in charge of a major task that someone with a decades more experince died trying to do. Oh and he was told to keep it secret and can't tell those he loves. His life is just one hard long cruel cosmic joke.. and the sequel makes it even worse given we now know the spider wasn't even supposed to bite him and he gets BLAMED for watching someone die. Also just to get this out of the way now, while I was calling bullshit on Miguels claims Miles was responsible for Peter's death in the theater, I did watch the scene carefully just to throughly debunk this. And shockity shock... Peter would've died whether miles was there or not. The goblin suckers him slightly due to miles.. but it's nothing that really slows him down or injures him. What ultimately leaves peter at deaths door and weak enough for the kingpin to do his finisher on the poor guy is getting ganged up on by Prowler and Goblin, and then slammed into the collider. Aaron would've been there, Norman would've been there.. this all was supposed to happen, as tragic as it was. Fate changed by Miles getting bit.. but it changed this world at least for the better as it'd probably be gone along with 5 more spiderpeople and incalculable innocents. So in conclusion: eat a dick miguel, let's move on.

So with that Miles is left shattered and wonders home.. and Jefferson is warm and supportive and just kidding: he tells miles he made a commitment, rio has to give him a look like "come on" and when asked if he hates spider-man, while his child is clearly shaken by SOMETHING, his reponse is "well yeah".

And with the power of hindsight this .. really underlines why Miles has confidence issues the rest of the film. Why he struggles with his powers: he was already feeling out of place in his new school and having most of what makes him who he is questioned by his dad, and then he goes through spider-puberty and watches the world's greatest hero get body slammed into a science machine, gets yelled at by said hero that

Watches said hero get mob executioned by a villian he now has to stop, and then gets chased by his top enforcer while spooky but dope as fuck music played. It's a miracle Miles hasn't had a full on nervous breakdown after all this, let alone gets up, and decides he HAS to press on, visiting the memorial and realizing that no one else is going to come do this.. I mean they will but what makes it work is he dosen't know that yet. All miles knows is the one thing keeping the city from falling apart is gone, and he's the only one who can do this and as rightfully scared and afraid and alone the poor boy is... he has to try. He may not be quite ready to take the leap.. but he's ready to put a foot off the roof.

While miles has plenty of deadly and superior foes to fight.. his ultimate enemy is himself...

.... metaphorically this movie. Miles has the heart of a hero.. but is so scared by being one and so sure he CAN'T do it that it's a self fufilling prophecy. It's something expertly shown in how his powers work: he can't get his hands to stick or unstick on queue or his camo to work unless he needs it to flee. His powers are acting on his panic and anxiety. As peter points out with the sticking, it only lets go when you relax and Miles can't relax, he can't relax cuz he's a boinger.. and because you know, he's in a VERY stressful situation. Most spider-men at least get a few simple crooks before they get to the supervillians. Miles has to fight the sinister six on his first day. I'ts easy to see why he can't trust himself: if a peter ten years deep in can't do it, how can he? It's telling the one time pre-what's up danger miles really masters his abilities fully is with web swinging, when he just has a chance to relax and learn.

It's not helped by Miles essentially seeing the ghosts of his future right in front of him: Through Peter Prime, he's seen he can die easily. Through peter b. he sees even if he dosen't being spider-man might destroy his personal life. and through gwen he's seen how he could grow isolated and alone through tragedy. He sees his possible future in two people he grows to love, one platonically one nto so much both who we'll get to, and it scares him. It doesn't help Peter. B is the ONLY spider person willing to give him a chance: while Gwen likes him, she thinks he's not ready and the others all expect him to be spider-man NOW dammit, when all of them had a much less steep learning curve. Except Peni, her learning curve was basically "Suprise we released the spider your dad made into this room! Enjoy being radioactive!"

Into The Spider-Verse is ultimately a film about how others expectations of you can eat you alive.. and the only way to really escape that.. is to be yourself. Not to IGNORE that other people exist or be a callous jackass, but to trust in yourself you'll make the right call. To trust you to do the right thing when things are their darkest.

And it's ironic that what finally gets him to have faith in himself.. is the person who seemed to have the least faith in him. In the end the person who enrcourages miles is Jefferson. While miles has been having his arc.. Jeff has had his own, as miles has been mia since meeting peter. b, and then found his brother dead.. and blamed miles as spider-man for it. Thankfully this gets cleared up enough, but it clearly rattled Jeff enough to realize that holding fast and trying to be constantly authortive and unbending.. isn't working and never has. It's only by opening up does he not only finally close the gap with his son, even if that comes AFTER all this because you know, webbed up mouth and all, but makes miles finally have some confidence in himself. And the speeech itself is just.. beautiful.

Jefferson Davis : Look, sometimes... people drift apart, Miles. And I don't want that to happen to us, okay? Look, I know I don't always do what you need me to do or say what you need me to say, but I... I see this... this spark in you, it's amazing, it's why I push you. But it's yours, and whatever you choose to do with it, you'll be great.

I'll also give Brian Tyree Henry credit as he's just perfect in the role, being a hardass.. but in a way that makes it clear he's not 100% dick and here him opening up.. is beautiful. And it's really what miles needed: While Peter. B wasn't a TERRIBLE mentor, trying his best to encourage miles, what miles ultimately needed was the simplest message: be yourself. Which yes is INCREDIBLY common in animated media. But it's done well here. It also makes me wish the cut line with peter used in the trailers was used here as it really gets to the heart of the film: Don't do it like me, do it like you. Miles problem was that he tried too hard to be what others wanted and that people pushed him to hard to be somethign else, wether that meant instantlly accepting a hard situation in his new school from his dad or instantly fitting the role as spider-man from the other spider-people. it's only when he's told just.. do it his way that he finally can accept it.. and can finally CONTROL it. What I like is that while in a lot of other superhero films, miles suddenly being able to control his powers would be an asspull .. here it's CAREFULLY set up: Miles coudlnt' really control them because he was scared. It's once he lets go of his fear of death, fear of failure, and fear of himself.. that he can take a leap of faith. His ascendency to spider-man is also one of the best sequences in any animated movie. Not taking notes on that. It just is.

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Every fucking second of this is perfect. "What's Up Danger" itself is dope as fuck, and perfectly fits the song. Black Caviar's beat is pure magic and Blackways lyrics perfectly fit the confidence Miles finally has. Their a bit rougher than him but fit who he is NOW: he is the amazing, spectacular, the ULTIMATE spider-man. After a whole film of doubting himself, not knowing where to go or what to do or if he can do this... HE CAN. And he WILL. There's so many great moments: him spraypainting the costume, taking one of peter's looks and making it is his own with his own talent and passion, the now iconic upside down falling shot that graced every trailer, and him swinging and wall jumping through new york, finally embracing his power... all capped with him lifting the mask, panting in exaustion... and then smiling. He's got this.

The insuing big damn heroes during the brawl with the sinister six is great. He shows up invisible, easily turns the table on liv and shows up, and it's also heartwarming how rather than tell him to go home or any other such nonsense.. everyone is HAPPY he's here. They didn't put him back because they didn't like him.. they kept him back because they didn't want him to die stupidly. NOw he CAN fight and has the confidence and skill to.. their happy to have him.

I also like how while all the spider-people ge ttheir moments and we get one hell of a three on one battle between doc ock , miles, peter and gwen, the final fight, the true final test.. is miles alone. Everyone gets to shine as the villians get whittled down to one.. but ultimately the final battle only works if it's miles alone: one final test as spider-man: Miles vs Fisk. The All-New All-Diffrent Spider-Man vs the man who murdered the original. The Kingpin of Crime Vs your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-man. It's a truly harrowing fight, one where Miles is often overwhelmed, but does what all spider-men do: get back, keep fighting. Do everything he can. With jeffersons support one last time miles goes from a scared child.. to catching this thief just like a fly.. complete with bug zapper. The touch of using the.. well shoulder touch is fucking amazing, hilaroius, heartwrenching.. and awesome. The man who killed his uncle, who nearly destroyed new york is down. The universe is saved... all thanks to brooklyn's own friendly neighborhood spider-man. Miles ends the film sure of himself, happy and with his father accepting him. He misses everyone.. but he'll see them again. He just might come to regret it but hey.. that's for next time.

As a quick epilogue, I ALMOST forgot to mention but Shamiek Moore is fucking perfect in the role. While Donald Glover would've been a great fit, Moore brings a youthful energy that perfectly fits the character. Moore handles the characters journey, the humor, and the heartbreak all beautifully.

Peter B. Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Mess

While this film is focused on the new kid on the webs, Lord and Miller still decided to include the Spider-Man everyone was familiar with. In fact.. they lean INTO how familiar we are to play with peter as a character. When they give their stories for the comics brilliant origin sequences, they both know to just.. gloss over most of the stuff we're familiar with.. and to basically apologize for the emo peter dance. Lord and MIller clevelry use the rami films as a refrence point. Then they do something ENTIRELY new in terms of adapting peter at this point: this peter.. has been at this for a while. It's something Insomniac would also use for their universe and honestly.. is quitely brilliant. In the comics.. peter HAS been at this for about a decade.. exactly how long has been kept vauge, but he's always pushing 30. Most adaptations though want to start with peter fairly early in his career: while some cartoons like Ultimate, Spectacular or Animated Series start with peter mid career, it's still fairly early and before he faces most of his arch enemies. It also makes sense: after all if your making a spider-man universe from scratch, why would you start with him already knowing how to fight these guys? The comics have the advantage of years of continuity, so writers can do what they want with the bad guys basically. But since a new continuintiy means you can do the latter from the top, why would you start in the middle of your story? It CAN work as shown here and with , while I sadly can't play them because no ps4 or 5, the insomniac games, but with the latter it works to the games advantage to have you play a peter whose already a kicker of ass first class.

Here though instead it's used for something even the comics often have their hands tied from doing: to show just how TIRED spider-man would be after a decade of this. While Blonde Peter is great at the job, has a loving aunt, and an adoring wife... he's still so very tired. He says so when fighting Prowler. It's clear the heir of "I can always do this, i'm spider-man" is as much a coping mechanism as it is determination. It explores the idea that peter's drive to keep going, to do the imposisble would wear him down eventually.. and given the crap he has to go through in the comics because writers think there needs to be added DRAMA, you can't blame him. Peter. B shows where this leads.. a peter who has 80 tons of broken bones, stopped taking care of himself, and is slowly falling apart after Aunt May's death, cumilating in pushing MJ away after she wanted kids.. and he was scared of it. Which given what his life is like is actually understandable. It's also a type of fear the comics have only been able to explore in AU's: editors have been dicks about the idea of peter having kids, and the one time he seriously was about ot have one before it was kidnapped, he was retired.. then it got kidnapped and disappeared because clone saga. Here we see the fear he'd have.. and peter sabotaging his own life as MJ seems relcutant as he is to divorce and the peter left in the aftermath is crying in a bathtub in his full costume

This is a peter who ONLY has being spider-man and we see how deeply unhealthy that is. Part of what makes Peter Parker so great, what's kept spider-man enduring.. is relatablity. Peter struggles with the same stuff most of us do: holding down a job, crappy bosses, relationship issues, juggling family with your life, friendships getting complicated... it's the ballancing act of having a regular life and also punching the kangaroo in the face while he's at it that makes spider-man compelling and it's finding new ways to do that, from having peter teach at his old high school to having him actually get a science job, that makes this character endure. Here though.. it's just Spider-Man and we see how unhealthy that is: May is dead, he pushed MJ and likely anyone else in his life away... peter only has being spider-man left, and action can be a reward but it can't give you a fulfilling life. This is a peter whose just going through the motions and badly broken. It's very telling that when Miles tries to use "With Great Power Comes Great Responsiblity" , the HEART of what spider-man, any spider-man, woman or ham, is, Peter responds with a very harsh "DON'T finish that sentence. I'm so tired of people using that". He's a peter whose so far to the edge he's willing to leave miles world to die just to get back to a life that's deeply miserable. In most cases spider-man would swing at the right thing but Peter B is just so very tired he just wants to go home.

But he's still spider-man.. and eventually realizes as much as he wants to.. he can't leave miles there and he can't leave this world to die. The movie is also good in not letting peter dangle off the edge of being absolutely awful too long. He refuses to save the world at first.. but it's clear Miles gets to him right away. He's still a mess.. but he's also Spider-Man. He's also peter parker. And May raised him better. The relationship between Peter B and Miles.. is fantastically done, with Miles slowly opening up his new mentor and Peter B slowly rediscovering what he actually liked about the job... and that maybe he CAN be a dad and spider-man. We see his humor slowly come back, him swatting the cape away from miles, gleefully pointing out what to do. He's still not the BEST teacher, wanting miles to just wait.. but when miles has to come along, he's grumpy for a few seconds then roles with it. We start with Peter. B seeing how worn down he is...but here we see all the experince and skill of his blonde counterpart. He's still the science nerd who can memorize a complicated password and can't grasp that miles can't. He's still a mess, trying to flirt with what turns otu to be his aunt's ex.. and also doc ock, but we see a subtle change, cumilating in the heartwarming scene of him and miles swinging together. peter may be a mild dick and a human disaster.. but he's a good man. By the time all the spider-people are together and doubting miles.. peter. b is the only one who sees how much this quest means to hte boy and is advocating for him. To them Miles is in over his head.. but Peter sees the spark in miles Jefferson does. He sees a kid who was thrown in the deep of this and the last thing MIles need is 80 people telling him he can't do it. It's likely that, just like Blonde Peter, Peter. B sees the pain and confusion that comes from starting as spider-man clear as day and if he can help miles avoid that, he will. Jake Johnson is phenominal in this role, helping show the depth behind this kind of peter. It best shows after the house fight: While Peter is trying to get Miles to stay behind and is willing to die to save his world... he's doing it for MOSTLY noble reasons. Miles really WASN'T ready and as Peter pointed out, he needed to be ready to just take a leap of faith. He's gone from wanting to abandon miles because he dosen't care.. to leaving him behind because he dosen't want his surrogate son to die horribly trying to fufill a promise he's not ready for. Granted like I said it's mostly noble: its very clear Peter. B is also doing this.. because he feels himself expendible. He has nothing to go back to, the others do. Miles has more to live for. If he dies staying here... what's he leaving behind? It's what makes his ending so rewarding: He sees miles finally take that leap and as I mentioned before he's nothing but happy Miles finally has got it and fights alongside his new son, realizing maybe he does want kids. He still plans to stay behind.. and the student becomes the teacher, with Miles pointing out he can't.. things with MJ aren't broken.. he still has time to make it right. He still has something to live for. It's hard.. but so was becoming spider-man for miles. If Peter. B is ready to die for this dimension.. he can live for MJ and for his protege. So he ends the film making up with her with Mj's smile showing she welcomes him back.. and as we'll see he really gets his happily ever after. But we'll get more on that next time.

Vault of Spiders

So now we've come to the other spider-people. First up our most prominent, Gwen, whose mostly taken 1:1 from the comics: She became Spider-Woman, then learned the great power great responsiblity lesson the hard way when she fought the lizard.. and he died revealing peter parker, her best friend who just wanted to be like her, leaving her alone. There's more to it, but that's best left for the next film when we get her origin in full. Gwen is done well here: the punk haircut fits her perfectly and Hailee Steinfeld is unsurprisingly awesome as her and gets Gwen's loneliness, standoffishness, and badassery perfectly, and we see her slowly open up to miles, with her doubts coming off less as bein ga jerk and more as being worried for him. We also get some nice subtle bits: while she mentions her best friends.. only WE know her best friend was a peter, and that being surrounded by about 4 of him and having to talk to aunt may, who she's also close to in her dimension, is likely a LOT for the poor kid. She also gets some genuinely cute moments with miles, from their first meeting in class, to the disastrous touch (and the later great brick joke of "you don't get to like it"), to the bus scene). Orignally the two WERE suppposed to be a couple.. but i'm glad they left the more overt romance for the sequels, as the films packed enough as is and it gives it more build. It's clear there's an attraction there.. there just isn't time for it given the possible dimensional apocalypse. That's what sequels are for.

That said I do think had they focused on just three spider-persons we might of had more of an arc for Gwen... instead we get a lot of personality but not who she is. I'd be harder on this.. but to the crews and the next batch of directors credit, they realized this and in the next film, and likely extending into Beyond, she's the deutragonist. So it's hard to be on this when they realized what they had next go round. The other spider-people on the other hand.. feel like a massive wasted opportunity. Casting wise it's all pitch perfect: Nicholas Cage is perfet for a noir parody and is utterly hilarious, John Mulaney's everyman voice is perfect for spider-ham, helping emphasise how weird this is, and Peni's serious nature and anime stylings are something the beloved Kimiko Glenn gets down perfectly. I was so happy to see her in a movie this size. And adaptation wise.. 2/3 ain't bad. Spider-Ham is pitch perfect from the source and Peni, while having her anime stylings here focused on a bit more, still has her science background and driven nature. Noir Peter though.. yeah while he's not TERRIBLE on his own in terms of actually adapting the character... it's wince inducing. I don't mind not going 1:1 and given the limited screen time I don't mind playing into the noir nature for laughs. My issue is more that Noir's world is so insanely dark, THAT could've been played for laughs instead. I mean again THIS is how peter gets his powers there.

Just have Nicholas cage casually rattle that off. I get not bringing up the rampant death but it just feels like a missed opprotunity to not really use anything from the actual comics other than the costume. The rubix cube joke is great. So you have three all time great performers.. but they don't get much to do. I was among the fans disapointed they weren't in the sequel, and only not as much as some others because I figured they were saving them for the sequel.. and after seeing the film and it's cliffhanger, that turned out to be EXACTLY it. It's a bummer they aren't in across but given how much it crammed into it's long runtime and how much it has left to go, and how the mystery of why noir and ham weren't with the society's whole creepy philosphy when their friends drank the kool aid is a neat hook.

They get great bits, Noir saying he has to burn his hand to feel something, Ham getting side eyed by the other two when he mentions he was a pig bitten by a spider.. which for those who didn't read the rest of the restrospective if your wondering ..

We also get a great drmatic bit. Originally in the scene where everyone sympathizes with Miles, Spider-ham made a stupid joke about his uncle frankfurter. it was funny.. but kinda wrecked the scene. So they instead switched it with one of the most heartbreaking lines in all of animation, which Mulaney NAILS.

Just the devistaition on that pig's face. And i'm hoping we find out what the fuck the story was there in Beyond.. but i'm perfectly happy with not knowing. Because it makes it that much more devistating. We don't know what he lost. We just know he hurts and that the hardest thing about being a spider-man.. is you just can't save them all. So naturally ham got a spinoff, Caught in a Ham. Caught in a Ham.. is decent a theatrical style short that explains what ham was doing. It's.. fine.. the various villian puns are fun and it clearly takes a lot from warner, but the animation is ENTIRELY cheap, and the villian, dr crawdaddy is just... what. Seriously you have so many fun animal versions of spideys rogues and better new foes.. and this is what you go with. And no making fun of how lame he is dosen't work. That jokes been done a lot. You have to do it well and they really didn't. Dr Crawdaddy is bad but it's not hialriously bad. Caught in a hami s okay but it was a massive disapointment and Mulaney deserved better.

So now we have those who can spin a web any size and catch a theif just like flies covered, we have to talk about one of spider-man's most important aspects The Superior Foes of Spider-Man

Look spider-man is popular for a lot of reasons: a deep facinating character no matter whose wearing the mask, a varied, visually intresting and cool power set, the idea that anyone can be spider-man. All this is true. But one of the biggest.. is his Rogues gallery. Spider-Man easily has one of the best rogues galleries in all of superhero fiction, with only batman providing competition. Just off the top of my head you have Green Goblin, Hobgoblin, Doc Ock, Electro, Beetle, Boomerang, Scorpion, The Kingpin, Rhino, Hammerhead, Tombstone, Shocker, Vulture, Kraven, Mysterio, The Lizard, Stegron the Dinosaur Man, The Spot, The Gibbon, Mr Negative, The Enforcers, Mountain Man Marko, Chance, Venom, Carnage, Hypno Hustler, Rocket Racer, Sandman, The Tinkerer, The Prowler, Lady Electro, White Rabbit, Overdrive, Hydro Man, Chameleon, The Iguana, and of course his greatest enemy PAUL.

Or Maybe it's Zeb wells. Who knows? The larger point is spider-man has a LARGE pool of villians to tap, so Lord and MIller's Solution: GRAB AS MANY AS POSSIBLE AND DO WHATEVER. Yeah while like i've said The Kingpin has a full sinister six going, even if sadly never 6 at once as one dies and he kills another, it still counts as their still all under him and just let me have this for once dammit. Seriously if it's not an ongoing cartoon, they will NOT give us the sinister six. Even far from home came as close as we've got and still didn't think maybe one more? LET ME HAVE A PROPER SINISTER SIX IN MY SPIDER-MAN MOVIE DAMMIT.

That said they really only focus on three of the six: the other villians in Fisk's posse are more there just to hit things and give us enough villians so every spider-man can have a turn. And given Spider-man has guys like the rhino that would fit the mold better I question why they went with Green Goblin and Tombstone. With the former i'll admit to being biased: Norman Osborn is one of my faviorite super villians and Harry is certainly somewhere on the list. One of the first spidey comics I read was Amazing Spider-Man #39, and it's followup #40, one of the best spidey comics of all time and with one of the best covers too

This was boosted both by the first Rami film, where Dafoe does a truly amazing job, and the ultimate comics where Norman , while bulking up a bunch is a serious horrifying threat. Here.. h'es just a dummy dum dumb and I get it to a point, part of it is to emphasise the alternate nature of miles universe: in most the green goblin is spider-man's greatest threat, here he's just one of many and while a challenge, not his arch enemy or even in the running it seems. It just dosen't work for me. I'm fine with making some changes, but this one just didn't qutie work. He does look really impressive though and I do get this is likely a me thing and it dosen't really HURT the film, so while I may not like it a bunch I can't say it's as bad as some adaptation changes. I'ts no "Peter dosen't have change for choclate milk and gets thrown it by the robber who kills uncle ben" or making harry osborn into some sort of gneeing snot monster.. and that's bEFORE he takes the goblin drugs.

Tombstone also isn't handled the best, as he's fairly smart and chilling in the comics. I don't take it as personally but it's still iffy to take a black man and make him subservient to a white man. That never plays well. Hammerhead would've been a better choice and still been visually distinct. I

Finally we have Scorpion who I DO like, nicely meshing maximus gargan, the ultimate scorpion who simply had super strength and a scorpion tail styled chain, with the regular one, so now the tail is attached to hima nd baadss, but he's still mexican and still awesome and he gets a great fight with Peni and Porker.

That said while I have my quibbles.. the main three villians.. are fantastic and give me plenty to gush about. We'll start with the big guy. Like with the Green Goblin (and the Hobgoblin, who sadly still hasn't gotten a big movie role as of this review. Someday...), i'm a HUGE fan of the kingpin and he's one of my faviorite super villians. No question. Wilson Fisk is a truly amazing character with tons of layers, intimdating style and intresting dynamics with both spider-man and dardevil. From his first apperance under john romita to his latest crashing on Krakoa , he's a devious mastermind whose trained his body to perfection. Granted I grew up with Spider-Man TAS, where they cleverly made him big bad, so I had a good first intro, but most adaptations handle him well and what little iv'e seen of the mcu version in hawkeye (I still need to watch netflix daredevil) is fucknig magical. Denofrio is great.

Liev Schriber though.. might be the best. He gets Wilson perfect: He has his cocky attitude.. but also his cold detachment. He can brag about starting the collider one minute.. and casually tell his right hand man to "go kill that guy". He can joke.. but ther'es never a moment on screen when your not deeply worried about him being there. There's not a moment you don't get WHY this guy was strong enough, smart enough and nightmarish enough to finish spider-man. I also love the design taking from a comic by the legendary bill sienkiewicz of x-men fame

It perfectly fits and while his proprotions are off.. it helps sell how diffrent he is from everything else. This man commands every room he's in and is a true giant, a looming reminder of blonde peter's death and the ultimate obstacle in our heroes way.

What I like though as while they easily could've just made Fisk evil and called it a day.. it's VERY clear how well the crew understood him.. as they also humanize him. Fisk isn't igniting the collider to make money selling multiversal hot dogs or something. This version lost his wife vanessa and son richard during a fight with spider-man: she saw what he really was and left... and they sadly died in a car crash. It's a great twist too: the comics have always had Vanessa, when she was alive, be the one thing that could pull fisk back from his crime... if only for so long. She never liked it , never accepted it and never wanted it. Richard was a grown man hwo hated it but then joined it then betrayed his dad and got killed.. it's a whole thing. Richard Fisk is a mess.

Fisk is at his core a man who just wants what he lost back but is so blinded by a combination of Trauma Goggles (a term kammie came up with) and his own ego. He can't accept that it was his fault a tragedy happened, that his wife had every right to run and that it was simply horrible, cruel timing that killed his wife. It's the horrible irony in all this: Wilson Fisk is a man who needs to control everything so badly he will rip time and space apart to get back what he lost.. but can't accept that there's NOTHING he can do to fix this, and that it was always his fault. It's who Wilson Fisk is and who he'll always be. It's most heartbreakingly shown when the same events play out again, just with a new vanessa and richard.. but he just can't accept HE'S the bad guy in all this and he drove his family away. In the end he's left with nothing, his empire crumbling, his family gone.. simply because he coudln't let go.

Now onto his right hand man, Aaron Davis, The Prowler. Like Kingpin... hang on.. something seems mi

[THREATNING DUBSTEB BLARES]

Better. Anyways, I was a huge fan of the Prowler. See back when I was in I think middle school, possibly earlier I had this book.

I wouldnt' mind getting another copy or the updated edition at some point. I also had these for X-Men and Fantastic Four. It's part of what really got me into these characters, but the spidey one was near and dear to my heart even as it sadly eventually fell apart. It was a lovely big ole book with profiles for all of spidey's villains, some of his side cast, and what have you up to the early 2000's. It was great.

So it's there I met the Prowler... Good Ol Hobie Brown

Yeah before another hobie became your friendly neighborhood anarchist, the original was a window washer who really wanted to invent, but this being the 60's and many a man being a classist or racist, Hobie instead came up with a pretty brilliant scheme: rob a building using his various inventions and a badass looking disguise, and then return the money for a reward as Hobie Brown.

Unfortunately the building he picked was naturally the Bugle, his old workplace (Though to JJJ's credit, when Hobie had an altercation with his boss, Jonah took hobie's side. Jonah may be many things but Racist isn't one of them)... and he was VERY lucky that it was peter parker, having to pull his punches for obvious reasons , he encountered. Hobie thought he'd killed the poor guy, naturally he hadn't and when encountering peter as spider-man later, not knowing the connection, he confessed and explained things. Peter being peter, and once unmasked seeing Hobie really wasn't that much older than him and had been through the shit, let the guy go and Hobie eventually had a happy ending. So how does aaron fit into this? Well like i've said in this review and covered previously, Miles comes from the Ultimate Universe, so given the prowler had a dope as hell costume, name but not a lot of use, he was perfect to refit as Mile's first archenmey and most personal nemisis.

Uncle Aaron in the comics.. is a bit of a dick. While I plan to cover this arc at some point, as it's REALLY good, Aaron after some time in mexican prison, finds out there's a new spider-man and having stolen the spider in the first place and actually seen it bite miles in this timeline, puts two and two together... and then tries to blackmail his nephew into working for him to make himself the new kingpin, the old one having been blown up with a rocket launcher by Mysterio.

He also died but rather than go out heroically , as we'll get to.. he went out because his suit backfired because he was stupid enough to kill the man who made it while trying to murder his 13 year old nephew.

Yeah it's a lot, and again i'll get into it some other time, but the film made the understandable decision to take about 5 to ten percent of there, and used that percentage to make him infinitely more badass.

This Aaron is an experinced supervillian, one who gives Peter trouble and has awesome theme music. The Prowler in the film is animalistic, moving at less frames than the other characters and being purely terrifying. It sells what Miles is facing: an unstoppable killing machine who just wants him dead. Which completely contrasts who Aaron is off duty. To him.. this is just a job and killing people is just what he does. Kingpin says jump, he says "what spider-man?". When not he's the cool uncle who gets introduced to fucking hypnotize. He's a smooth guy who while having terrible advice about ladies, also has good takes like "Smart girls are where it's at". The reason Miles confides in him more than his dad.. is easy to see. Aaron actually takes the time to reach miles on his level and try to gently coax miles into not totally hating his new school instead of saying WELL YOU'D BETTER LIKE IT. I mean Jeff is the better person, no question, he's killed exactly no one and for a cop that's impressive, but Aaron genuinely loves and supports his nephew even more than originally. It makes the contrast that much more horrific, that this perfectly kind, cool as hell guy.. can also casually hunt what he can CLEARLY tell is a child like a monster across a subway. It's no wonder finding out who Aaron is really rattles the poor kid.

It also makes his face turn that much more effective: it'd be easy to assume given how UTTERLY terrifying the film made him that like the comics, once Aaron finds out he wouldn't give one iota of a shit that this is his nephew. Instead Movie!Aaron.. is utterly horrified. Mahershla Ali does a hell of a job conveying the man's horror when Miles takes off his mask in a last ditch effort not to get choked to death, with Moore likewise conveying miles pain and desperation incredibly. The animation is also flawless here as you can just see Aaron realizing what he almost did.. and what he's likely done to counltess others like miles. How many kids did he kill simply because they saw something they shouldn't have? The horror is clear... adn the tragedy all the more painful when Kingpin coldly snipes him. All his power.. and aaron dies, encouraging his nephew to keep going and to be better. Aaron is an incredible character here, suprassing the already great original and I look forward to seeing more of ali in Beyond.

Finally we have Doc Ock aka...

The casting was genius idea.. that i'm baffled WASN'T always the plan. Originally Ock was supposed to still be a man and a bit more big lebowski'ish. And while it means we missed out on Steve Buschemi as the green goblin, one of the directors suggested Kathryn Hahn, all around queen of awesome and perfect fit. It also fits the story better: Dock Ock being "Gasp" a pudgy guy who looks a lot like me? Not a huge suprise. But a scientest we simply see in the background and assume is someone shady, but turns out to be dock ock complete with soft robotics tentacles? Fucking brilliant. It plays genre expectations against us: normally the messy haired science lady is on our side, as peter assumed.. instead Ock is fully on board with this scheme and even actively decives kingpin to get it thorugh. Oliva is ock in every sense of the word and is easily our heroes most dangerous opponent that isn't king sized. It takes THREE spider-men to wear her down and a fucking truck ex machina to finish her. Hahn, as usual has a lot of fun with the roll and it's no shock disney wanted to get in on this, and I can't wait for Agatha coven of chaos after her amazing work on Wandavision. Hahn is just neat and Olivia is great. Also nice subtly saying gay rights with Liv being implied to be Aunt May's ex in this reality too. Did it also involve a nuclear explosion on an island off of canada? One can only hope.

Odds, Ends and Sick Beats

So character wise we only have a few left to go over. First up is Rio, Miles supportive kind mom. She dosen't get a ton to do here but what we see is great and like Gwen, it's clear the writers realized they didn't use her as much and the sequel dives into her more and makes her just as important as her husband.

Then we have Ganke. In the comics, Ganke is miles lego loving best friend, his closest confidant and he helps ease the tension of being spider-man.. but given said tension drives the whole plot here, I get why they eased back. The other reason.. is understandable if disapointing. See the MCU Version of Ned Leeds, Ned Lee.. is basically Ganke. Close friends with our spider-man? Likes lego? bit of a nerd? Serves as his "guy in the chair". All check. And ned is great, he's fantastic and if I ever get to the mcu trilogy, i'll defintely have plenty good to say. It just meant Ganke had nothing to really do and is thus off to the side for these films. It's disapointing but I can understand it.. and he still gets a great scene in the spider-people trying to avoid him.. also Peni was blushing like mad. I need followup on this ship next film crew.

We also have Stan's cameo.. which is heartbreaking, but man was it good and it served as a great tribute to the man without being meant as one. It also gently jabs at his huckster nature with the no refunds sign. Oh stan... I miss you man.

Finally we have the films soundtrack. It's so damn good and it uses music beautifully: It has standouts like What's Up Danger, which i've talked about. Sunflower which thematically fits the film and the miles gwen romance, and Hypnotize, which perfectly sums up who aaron is when he' s not stalking children like some sort of feral cat man. I was going to talk about it more in depth, but it's just fanatastic.. and frankly this review is both horribly behind as is. It's a great sountrack and an all timer, both in the music made for it, the ones chosen for it and the backing tracks. Stupendous

So that brings us to the end of this long look.. and it should go without saying by this far in.. this film is a masterpiece. It's great as an adaptation, phenominal on it's own, groundbreaking, and I'll be revisiting it again and I feel terrible I didn't because I noticed so much more the second time around. This project has been a lot.. but it's also been some of the most fun i've had ont his blog. As i've already announced... we will be doing this one more time for beyond, and possibly again for across' theatrical release as that seems like it's not going to be as soon as Sony hopes. Either way i'm still shooting for the films current release date in march, so we'll be back with this in november or december with some other spidey plans in the mix as well. So thanks for taking the leap with me.. and hopefully you'll stick around. Until then... thanks for reading... and remember.. anyone can wear the mask... especailly you.

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