#and I’m confusing myself by doing so

[bookwyrminspiration]

rereading legacy and i keep fixating on the detail that in the dwarven King’s Path when Sophie’s having her hallucinations, as you do, she feels her own ears are pointy. while also hallucinating the Neverseen welcoming her with open arms. and this is during the time she’s looking into her bio parents.

I’ve leaned towards Gethen as her father fairly consistently and already made several posts about him and other potential fathers—including Fintan. but I’ve never though about how the ancient ears during the hallucinations may be another hint, as they’re a great place (and so are dreams) to include foreshadowing because they don’t have to make sense with the rest of the characters knowledge. like Sophie dreaming of Brant burning off her hand a book before his own was burned off

I’ve gone in circles on the topic but I’m coming back to consider Fintan again because of the pointy ear thing there. If it’s him, I assume the situation would be: he was approached as a scorned member of society (his connection to the Neverseen unknown) who Forkle thought would be sympathetic to the changes they’re trying to bring about, Fintan agreed in part because he agrees changes need to be made, and in part because he has a secret hope he could sway/get Sophie to his side via familial relation or something similar. that parentage would be catastrophic (fitting forkle’s comment) on many levels, originally because of the rules against pyrokinetics being matched and having kids (especially as a former councillor who is supposed to be better about the laws), and now for his murderous actions and criminal behavior

anyway. still no closer to definitively deciding whether i think her father is gethen or fintan (and don’t worry, im aware of evidence and reasoning beyond this post, this is about the king’s path detail) I’m just further complicated my theorizing attempts and writing it down to make sense of it

#kotlc #kotlc theories #long post #theorizing is not my strong suit I keep going in circles #I have my reasons for believing it’s gethen #but there’s also plenty of reasons to believe it’s fintan #yes gethen hasn’t had a concrete role yet and this would fulfill that #but also fintan is a character where you can actually understand and reason out why he’d be approached #it makes sense for him to agree to it to an extent #and the king’s path ancient ears detail is really tripping me up #because that’s the perfect place for foreshadowing #so it’s reasonable to assume that’s what that is #it’s intentionally in convicted language because that’s how writing that kinda thing goes #but if you look for the details you can make things out #and I’m confusing myself by doing so

[rainymoodlet]

oh, and an update on alsace? still confused 🦇

#ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 screenshots #ts4 vampires #ts4 challenge #ts4 legacy challenge #;tjolg3 #;tjol3 #sim: alsace #|| #he is so fuhschluggina’ handsome with his hair up hoo #i hope everyone is doing well!! thank you for the love on my new nsb 🥹 #its weird bouncing between so many gps but i’m freeing myself of the #story post pressure ocd 😂 #he’s just here… lookin’ gorgeous #but i think he’s a little more confused abt the fact that he’d really like #for rowan to stick around 👀 hmmm #maybe he’s not as much of a loner as he thought!! #and yes… that is moonpetal 👀 intriguing…

[pasteilian]

Wait- you ship T-cest? I’m confused.

Your art is absolutely amazing but if you ship T-cest then I’ma have to unfollow you.

Niggas If i get one more dumb ask about tcest imma do something unthinkable

I DONT SHIP TCEST I DONT DRAW TCEST I DONT INTERACT WITH TCESTERS LEAVE ME ALONE

SIBLINGS HUG SIBLINGS GIVE LIL KISSES SIBLINGS CUDDLE NOT EVERYTHING IS SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC

#pastrieschat💌 #imma start blocking #I don’t care if it’s confusion I’ve said multiple times I don’t do it #i’m so sick of repeating myself

[chialattea]

Nami WIP + some chibi doodles heheeee

#chia draws #one piece #nami one piece #cat burglar nami #Nami #i love women #this piece is kicking my ass tho #like I’m trying to find my style but it’s all #confusing #like what do I want to achieve with my drawings? what do I want to focus on? #in other news I am now cooking as a way to procrastinate #thank you dunmeshi and the bear #I made bread and fresh pasta and carbonara and lemon curd #I love cooking man #idk why but my butter cookies always end up too hard #I’m gonna make some tangerine dishes so I can pretend I’m cooking for Nami #that way I trick myself into self care #anywayyyys #I love Nami so muchhhh #and idk how people have such cute tumblr layouts I don’t really get httml #I’m a STEM girlie but coding? not my forte #lately I’ve been thinking about one piece from a biotech standpoint #like tf do you mean nobody knows what DNA is besides judge and Vegapunk #they know some diseases are congenital but don’t know about DNA #huuuuuhhhh? #anyways I’m writing a fic about an OC funding a science journal in OP #it’s a lot of fun #art wip #unfinished

[teethburger]

gender is so fucking confusing

#every time I think I’ve figured it out some piece of media comes along and messes it all up again #like I know I’m not a man but I dress sort of boyishly because it’s just convenient and I’m pretty much sort of a girl but I don’t fully #relate to other girls either???? what am I #autism is definitely not helping #it’s so hard for me to carry myself the same way other girls do and I can’t really compare genders with them #joey says some sh #rambling #autistic #gender confusion #gender #nb #??? #demigirl #??? idk

[finniestoncrane]

said to my counsellor that i wasnt built for friendship because everyone always eventually just. stops speaking to me and she went “ok why do you think that is?” and then when i finished my dumb sad list she went “ok so maybe you aren’t good at friendship” and i. have never regretted spending £50 more in my life lol

#A RANT IN THE TAGS MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN REALISE I AM WRITING THIS WARNING RETROSPECTIVELY #£50 to feel like never trying to speak to anyone again or forge any connections THANKS RUTH #Ruth remember when I said that every friendship I’ve had I’ve never truly known if it’s a friendship or if it’s one sided #remember when I told you that my friend groups always had people who had a favourite and I was never the favourite #remember when I told you that several friend groups have disbanded but not really they actually just made new spaces without me? #remember that? remember my trauma? remember? #because I DO!!! #I was not born to have friends I don’t think #I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people #I don’t even think I could make friends with a clone of myself #this is so guy wrenchingly isolating lol #like girl what do you want from me? keep everyone at arms length like I used to? #try not to let myself get attached to people in case they decide they don’t want to be close to me anymore? #please it is not great advice Ruth #THE WORAT PART is that I literally was like ‘I don’t message too much because I’m overbearing’ #and she asked where the proof was #and all I had was the complete dissolving of any relationship where I tried or tried too hard #so now I’m left in this confusing space of do I message too much or not enough because I have no happy medium #and she knows SHE KNOWS I also have energy issues and executive dysfunction stuff going on #and I know she is just trying to help and get me to think about this stuff #but it was just not the time lmao #finnie shouts into the void

[reiashiftsrealities]

i watched I Saw The TV Glow and now i’m debating my gender very terribly hard rn

#venting in the tags sorry public #i actually did sort of ‘transition’ in 7th grade #i went by a different name i cut my hair and it actually made me really happy #the only reason i was (TW) doing so bad mentally was because i hated my body #i also was on drugs and obviously that isn’t good #but i felt so judged by my peers that i was embarassed to be ftm so i got more feminine #and not only that but coming out was too tiring #way more tiring than coming out to everyone as a lesbian #and i got comfortable in my femininity and it was never an issue but i have always felt like something was missing #i love being masculine and i like he/him pronouns a lot #but 9 times out of 10 when i’m feminine i just don’t feel like me #i feel like someone else #but i’m scared to admit or even consider the possibility that i’m not a girl at all #i’m comfortable identifying as genderfluid but…idk #the label has never felt like me. #none of them do. and i know i don’t have to label myself but unlabled/queer isn’t me either #the only one that i felt comfortable being was trans masc/trans ftm. so #i’m going through it #gender identity is confusing #reia rambles idk

[twistedappletree]

For the ace intimacy moment prompt: zhuiling ? 💛🩵💛🩵

Jin Ling is having a breakdown (possibly his third for the day because emotional peony is emotional) and Lan Sizhui knows that asking him what’s wrong will just make him cry even more, so instead, he holds him until he stops hyperventilating then cups his face in his hands, wipes his tears away and says, “It’s okay. Talk to me.”

#i was thinking about this moment a LOT actually i need to put it in a fic asap #also sorry for any confusion y’all this prompt was from a TikTok thing #so that’s why it’s not on my blog ahahahaHAHA oop #answered asks #zhuiling #zhuiling musings #koiblossoms #i’ve always liked this approach for both my ships and myself #bc if I’m ever having a breakdown do NOT ask me if I’m okay it’s gonna make everything so much worse lmFAOOOO #fic ideas #🖤🩶🤍💜

[meet-me-behindthemall12]

non good omens fans: oh i get so it’s all vibes no plot

good omens fans: erm, no. not exactly

non go fans: but everything you’ve said about it gives that vibe

go fans: right. but that’s because all i talk about is ineffable husbands

non go fans: are they not the main plot?

go fans: not really, i mean they are but also they don’t do anything major to affect the plot really. they’re not even the ones that end up solving the issue

non go fans: so…no plot jsut vibes?

go fans:..sure.

#good omens #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #why is it so confusing #wth is happening #good omens has so much more depth than everyone thinks #like there’s adam #who in a way is the main character #and then The Them #and of course anathema and newt do a lot of the work #but like there would be no plot without the horsemen #and if newt does a lot of the work than so does shae well #because without him newt never goes to tadffield #but in the end adam is the only one that really stops the end #but also madame tracy??? #wait now i’m confusing myself #are shadwell and tracy just comic relief #if they’re comic relief what are aziraphale and crowley #because they’re not important but they also cause me immense pain #i should probably delete this later #i should stfu

[why-the-heck-not]

hate hate hate the feeling of turning in a part of an assignment and being hella embarrased abt how it is :3 like, feeling someone’s just gonna email me like ”hey?? what the fuck ??? what are u doing here this is garbage” like yeah dude i dont know what to tell you, things did not go well this week

#doing one that’s like a bigger thing but has weekly deadlines #and this week hasn’t been good for that so it’s like very fucking pathetic of how little I got done #and it’s all basically shit anyways like i know it doesn’t work and won’t work with the way I’m going about it #also I’m only submitting the previous version bc i don’t even fuckin know what’s going on with this current one #like the code’s all bad and all over the place and I have no clue where i’m trying to go with it #so it’s like i basically didn’t get shit done this week #only made myself more confused #i need to take a step back and like really fuckin think what I’m going to do with this bc it’ll just get worse if I just keep trying to go #with this shitty thing i have on my hands rn #and also im like over an hour late already bc gotta write a weekly report and idk what the fuck to say like #’’oops sorry dude it’s shit rn i have no clue what’s going on but also dont have anything i could ask help with bc im too confused so it’s #just uhh this thing now; a mess <3’’ #the way i’ve been handling this course like ?? uh oh will i ever have the audacity to step a foot to my campus ever again lol #yes im now writing this to procrastinate writing that weekly report thing #ughhh yes im hella positive rn all is shit #(also there was parliamentary election today and it didn’t end well so that might be why everything feels 5x more shitty rn) #april 2023 #2023

[divkazkdovikde]

being in your 20s is not knowing what exactly your age is, you just know ur in your 20s

#help #i was just sitting here and i couldn’t fucking remember of i’m my actual age or year older #and i was like wait shit #i had to fucking look at the calendar to remind myself what year it is #and then i had to do math #fucking math #2023 minus the fucking year i was borm #help im so stupid sometimes #20s #being in your 20s #crack post #little miss confused #q

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Oh em gee :,( ari :,( thank you for yapping at me…………. My brain juices started flowing…….. I knew all I needed was some of your ideas…,,, and the little hamsters in my brain started running around again!!!!!!!!!!! Ik u said don’t feel bad for sending asks but…. I feel a little guilty sending another one….. but the brain hamsters started working and I can’t deprive them of spreading their little hamster ideas 😔😔 BUT ALSO??? I NEED TO TALK ABT HOW U REPLIED TO MY PREV ASK. THEM TALKING WHEN UR SLEEPING??? AND MAYBE?? YOU SECRETLY HEARING??? IM GOING INSANEEEEEEE IM LITERALLY DISINTEGRATING AS WE SPEAK :((( satoru wanting to confess bc he doesn’t want u sad over ur ex……… sugu convincing him they shouldn’t rush u…….. :( sobs… they r so special to me. imagine what would happen if u just sat up in the middle of them talking like “🤨🤨I heard all of that btw.” but like. What do you think they’d do if your ex did try getting back together with you? Either that or just trying to get back into contact ……. Just an idea :3 giggles…. N E WAYS I HOPE UR HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY SLASH NIGHT!!! MWUA MWUA TAKE CARE AND DRINK UR WATER !!!! ^_^ — stsg anon 💐 < with bouquet. For u!!! :3

STSG ANON !!!!!! i’m telling you our brains are synced…… every time ur brain juices flow mine do too……… i’m so happy your little brain hamsters r running around 🐹🐹🐹

okok first of all ….. NEVERRRRR feel guilty for sending me asks 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫 never ever ever!!!! i love them so much!!!!! even if i’m slow at replying sometimes i promise i read them instantly and they always feed me so good!!!!!!! i should literally be paying you for these that’s how much i love them. if i catch u feeling guilty again there Will be consequences so watch out …. (ominous)…..

BUTTTT ok :3 YES . THE STSG IDEAS. i’m so happy you liked my little brainworms phdkdjj i just!!!! think it’s a tasty concept!!!!!! and PLSSS reader just sitting up and calling them out 😭😭 i KNOW they’d scream . even sugu does a little squeak bc he was so convinced you were asleep…… but goddd i think they’d actually be a little flustered <//3 our babies. once they recover satoru would be so smug tho. bc now you finally know!!! he doesn’t have to wait!!!!! and sugu is obv very happy too….

but… gahhh…… STSG ANON ………. if your ex tried getting back with you………….. ohhhh gosh. they’d be very offended . on your behalf . in a ”can you believe the audacity” way ….. but ofc they’d also be very furious and protective . like. maybe you tell them that your ex texted you wanting to meet up and they’re both INSTANTLY on guard…. ideally you’d block them ofc but if you insist on meeting them just for the sake of closure then they’re immediately convincing you to let them go with you!!!!! for scary dog priviliege . i’ll be honest i don’t think there’s much your ex could do 😭😭 bc stsg WILL be glaring at them. behind you. and if they even try to lovebomb you or blame you in any way they’re . Stopping Them . in one way or another. i think they get very very scary LMAO sugu stops smiling entirely and satoru smiles in a distinctly furious way 😭😭 ..

but ohhhh ……. if . you were the one who wanted to get back with them ….. then i think stsg would feel so helpless :’3 bc like . they can’t control you. they don’t want to. but i also think they’d rather die than have to watch you be with someone so undeserving…… so i feel like That’s when they’d confess. bc they’re so desperate . and let’s be honest who would choose a cheating ex over stsg????? no one <33333 problem solved. they’d be really terrified though…..

MWAHHHH one big kiss for you my lovely little stsg anon <33333 i’m putting the bouquet in a big beautiful vase <33333333 here r some handpicked flowers just for you :33 🌷🪻🌻🌷🪻🌻 i hope you’re taking good care of yourself too!!!! eating and drinking and sleeping lots . it’s what me and stsg want for you!!!!!! thank you as always for the food i hope u know how much i adore you <333

#protective stsg my beloveds #they both go full wolf mode i can’t lie #sugu is exploding your ex w his mind and satoru is. no thoughts head empty only scary smile :)))))) #and ohhhh their desperate confession scene…… it’s stuck in my mind now stsg anon T_T it’s all your fault…. sniffle……. #it’d just be the most dramatic most tender thing ever…… #reader who is so confused n frustrated…. hissing ”why do you care so much????” as they’re on their way to meet their ex ://// #and stsg both just shout . ”because we love you!” at the exact same time phdodjdk I NEED THEMMMMM #also stsg anon not to feed our brain hamsters too much but… this train of thought has me thinking of . reader having trust issues….. #bc of their ex….. #and the way that spills into their relationship w stsg too :’3 bc they’re just!!! traumatized. #and stsg would be soooo understanding #sugu especially ….. toru would be a tiny bit offended i think . not at all in an assholey way he’s just sad that you’d think that of them #i think sugu is more likely to understand that it’s a direct consequence of your experiences + smth they shouldn’t take personally #satoru is very emotionally intelligent too obv i just feel like he’d feel hurt in the moment!!! bc trust is such a big deal to him :(((( #anyway i’m stopping myself before i get too carried away LMAO #ily stsg anon <333 #ask tag ✩ #stsg anon !! ✩

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Been trying to have more conversations with the boy but it’s hard. I’m bad at it and he’s even worse. It just feels like we aren’t always very good at talking to each other both about small things and big things and it’s like if we don’t have that what we do we have?

And like sometimes the conversation is easy, but then it’s almost always about frisbee. And it’s like I do not want to either be carrying the whole conversation or talking about frisbee for the rest of my life (and yes that’s a hyperbole and I’m being dramatic but like still)

And then when I finally talk to him about how it feels like he gives me all these one word answers it’s always that he’s just tired and if he doesn’t think the answer is important he’s not gonna put his energy into it. And like he’s being apologetic but it’s not like if talking to me isn’t worth your energy what is? And like we only see each twice a week and sometimes only once a week.

And partly it’s because with the holidays I’ve been gone for two weeks and then had a Covid exposure and now he’s gone so we’ve barely seen each other. And I’m an abysmal texted so it’s hard to maintain connection when we don’t see other (and yes I really am the problem here and yes I’m working on it (although he was always says it’s fine)

I just feel sometimes like I just don’t understand him very well especially considering we’ve been dating almost a year.

And when I brought up doing something for our year, that is when he mentioned that his grandmother had died earlier this week and so he’d be leaving for her funeral. And I had asked him about various aspects of week like seven times at this point and he had yet to mention it. And I have no idea how to be there for him or if he even needs or wants that because he just never shares.

And then because he never shares I feel like I’m being over emotional and needy whenever I share. And then we just talk about anything ever.

And his family’s going to Italy in may and when I saw his family over thanksgiving she invited me but he has never even hinted if he’d like me to go with them (I probably can’t regardless but like I would like to be asked)

And even when his family was here for thanksgiving he only invited me to see for actual thanksgiving even though they were here for like a week and he did lots of other stuff with them. And I had to be the one to ask if he even wanted me to meet them when they came and to let me know what he wanted me to join them for. And turns out the answer was very little.

And it just sucks that it feels so hard to build an emotional connection because he’s so great in other ways. Like he’s so sweet and kind and thoughtful. And he remembers all the things I like and is always seeking them out or trying to do things to make me happy. And whenever I do manage to try and talk to him about the things I feel he’s always really nice about it and never makes me feel like my feelings are stupid. (He sometimes get hung up the logistics (it almost always twice a week and only rarely once a week) )but also always ask what he could do make me feel better. But like how do you tell someone to just be a more emotional human?

And like I hate that it’s always me telling him things. Like I know I can be annoying and I’m far from perfect but like he just never has any complaints, often even when asked point blank. And even when I did ask him what he would change about the relationship he one made me answer first and two just said he’d like it if I texted him back a little quicker. Which while fair I had just told you five minutes ago how was feeling disconnected probably in part to me being a terrible texter so is that really what you want or just what you think I want? It’s also annoying because when we first started dating I told him I was bad at texting and he said he actually preferred to not text that much. And like it could be that it’s a spectrum and also things evolved but it makes me worried that he’ll just tell me what I want to hear and then just deal with it even if it’s not really what he wants. And then I worry that he’ll end up resenting me for that and then just break up with me out of no where.

And this fully me just being anxious but I can’t help but feeling sometimes likes he’s just waiting for a good time to end things because he’s too nice to do it at an inconvenient time.

And I guess a lot of it just circles back to the thought I’ve been having since this summer that while he’s a really good boyfriend, he’s just doing the things that a boyfriend should do because he likes having a girlfriend and not that he likes me in particular. It’s like I check all the boxes so he’s committed to make it work and emotions are irrelevant. I like I want to have that deep emotional connection and it feels like that’s not enough. But then I go to describe what is that doesn’t feel like “enough” and it feels like I am describing a really good relationship.

And I don’t know if I’m just getting caught up in the holiwood or social media fantasy of relationships where people jump into each other everyday and talk endlessly for hours and no every last detail of the other persons psyche, because that’s not what we have.

He’s pleasant to hang out with, even if sometimes I feel like I want to shake him until more words fall out. He’s like the least annoying person I’ve ever met, he’s super easy to travel with. He’s considerate of me and my feelings. He puts effort into the relationship. He can be silly and we can have goofy moments together. He checks all the lifestyle “boxes” and my ideal life and being with him work perfectly together. He’s never dismissive of me. He’ll do things just to make me happy even if they aren’t his favorite. He feels safe.

And I don’t know how to balance all the wonderful against the intangible lackluster emotional connection. Especially when I am the other half of the emotional connection.

Like is the reason I have more deep feeling conversations with my girls friends just because THEY are good at it? And does it feel hard with Anthony because I am actually bad at it or because he is? (I mean probably both). And at the end of the day does it matter? Even if I’m the problem if I can’t figure how to make it better, it’s still not really working. And we all know the answer to every relationship question is just to talk to the other person. I just wish that didn’t feel so hard

#word vomit #am overthinking? #yes absolutely #but I’m still sad #and still confused #and don’t really know how to feel better #I’ve been spending way to much time by myself on the couch lately which doesn’t help #what also doesn’t help is comparing what I would do if I wasn’t dating Anthony #and wondering if that would be better #sigh #and he’s at a conference all week and then going for his gm funeral #so I won’t see him for another week #and then it’ll be past our year anniversary #and that feels bad somehow #but also it’s his grandmas funeral so I don’t want to be really considerate of that #even if he’s not talking about it it’s hard #and he’ll want to be there for his dad #so want to let him be #and not be like whyyyy aren’t you paying more attention to me #so anyway #the giant tumblr over share diary continues

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

the reason i’m not afraid of aging is because i want to be a hot middle-aged man who has a toxic yaoi relationship with another middle-aged man

#u know i used to be so afraid of aging until i realized that i want to be a dilf. now it’s kinda exciting #i realized recently that i could never picture myself living past my twenties until i pictured myself as a man #but like. i want to be a man and a woman and nothing and everything #but like. i’m cool with how i look now for the most part idk if i would want to transition physically at least not rn #and rn i still dress fem enough that everyone goes straight to she/her #and i like she/her but it hurts rn #bc some of my family has switched to they/them or it/its and it’s just so soothing #but family that knows i don’t like it still use she/her and phrases like ‘daughter’ or whatever even more often on purpose #and it hurts bc i don’t really feel the need to change the way i dress/look but i know everyone assumes she/her #when they see me in a dress or skirt. even w how very not-cis my fashion sense is #but also i fucking hate pants which is a separate thing (prob autism tbh) and even if i wore pants they’d still use she/her #thinking of changing my name to something very masc so i can confuse people enough that they’ll stop defaulting to she/her #and i haven’t told ppl outside my immediate family so idc if they use she/her but i’m fucking pissed when ppl in the family do it #anyways side note when i was 12 my ideal gender (b4 i knew about being non-cis) was a floating consciousness w no body #or a plastic-doll-like creation that’s smooth all over #… i still want to be a floating consciousness actually lmao. it would be great #back then i hated being a girl but i didn’t know there were more options and also i was socially isolated (didn’t leave home for like 2yrs) #and my mother was openly transphobic whenever the topic was brought up so that was my only real experience #but i didn’t really internalize it other than the fact that my mother would be rude if i ever happened to be not-cis and guess what? she is #anyways it’s like 2am and also i’m only awake bc i was captivated by a sugar daddy middle aged gay fic for a show i watched like 5 episodes #for 2 years ago #sorry for rambling in the middle of the night lol #gn y’all

[bbcphile]

Me: *stares at open fic chapter with increasing desperation and mental spiraling * Why do I hate everything I write today? Why does it all feel awkward and clunky and like pulling teeth? I know I’m a better writer than this. I don’t understand! What TF is going on? I mean, yeah, I’m exhausted and the last two weeks have been heartbreaking and traumatic AF and I just increased a med dosage that makes me sleepy and dissociative and triggers migraines and MCAS flares, but—

Me: *beat * wait a second . . . Ohhhhhhhhh. *facepalm *

At least laughing at myself is better than kicking myself?

I am officially going to ban myself from doing anything remotely cognitively challenging for the rest of the day in the hopes that I can find some more spoons for writing later this week if I rest now. (Pacing is my nemesis.)

Wish me luck!

#about me #laugh rule #writing things #I’m so used to compartmentalizing the shit out of things that when it breaks down I can get very confused #what do you MEANNNN pesky things like life and disabilities and trauma and grief influence my productivity? #can’t I just throw myself into something until I burn out? #(and the brain replies: ummm you did that. this is the burnout. next time try pacing dumbass)

[iamthemaestro]

I realize I think a lot about my life in terms of “maybe when I’m a boy…” my brother in christ. maybe you are an EGG

#idk. idk! #I’m not a Man. but I do resonate with Boyhood a lot #that’s the thing #I’m still nonbinary either way #but like. what kind of nonbinary. that is the question #and more and more it feels like Boy Nonbinary #but idk what to do about that. you’d think I would after like four years of being out to people #but I don’t. like what else can I change. I’ve already got the pronouns #I think I’m like… More Trans than I give myself credit for #(that’s a joke you can identify as trans however you want) #but my ocd brain is always like well you’re not trans you didn’t trans anything #which is not true but I mean it like. if I had the chance would I? #I might. but at the moment I don’t have the chance #so I’m just. confused #constantly #it’s exhausting #I don’t feel comfortable for the most part #also intrusive thoughts go brr right now I’m trying to Think #whatever tag ramble over #gender #mine