#and I´m not saying we never see the queen have any believable feelings whatsoever

[amyriadfthings]

Sometimes you´re out grocery shopping and idly browsing the frozen veg section when you suddenly remember that the queen threw up after Erik´s death when Wille said he´s always been compared to his brother and Wille threw up when he realized he´s going to have to keep being crown prince.

And you think about similar reactions to stress of parent and child and you remember the queen told Wille to take three deep breaths when he freaked out over Simon´s date and how she sends him to therapy to control his outbursts (ugh).

And you think where did it all go wrong that she can´t ever connect with her son when she´s obviously got some experience in that department. I think we meet her so far into her own history of controlling her emotions that she´s unable and mostly unwilling to connect even when Wille is outright asking her to be his mom (gah!), because oh hey, those would be more emotions she would need to allow to break through, and those walls are staying. Maybe in her mind even for Wille´s own good, to teach him how it´s done.

And there´s certainly reasons for those walls and it´s probably part self-protection and probably people telling her from a young age she needs to have them, and probably also because she´s a woman on the throne, so people would probably insist a little extra on them.

The most honest and raw I´ve seen her in the show is the moment she throws up.

(I usually question what she´s saying to Wille or August, no matter what warm or soft tone she´s using about what the court allegedly wants her to do, how it´s not really her, and how she actually supports Wille etc, as she´s been proven to manipulate Wille (and August in S2) into doing what she thinks is best for the institution she´s the head of. The one whose survival is always the priority, as per her own words.)

She´s shown to do royal business in what looks like pyjamas after all, the most casual and private of clothes, telling us there´s no separation, ever, that she´s always the queen. She rolls her eyes at her son after ending a phone call in which a rattled Wille sits among shards of glass negotiating with her (!), after she wanted to forcibly remove him from school. She doesn´t ever truly seem torn or conflicted, except that one time she throws up.

When her emotional core literally breaks its way out of her against her will.

No wonder she completely underestimates Wille and the depth and power for change his emotions hold after he´s finally allowed some therapy (that he could have used long ago just for growing up in that institution) and experienced actual emotional growth and healing instead of using it for control like she probably has. No wonder she and the court collectively underestimate Simon and what his love, what their love and connection mean to Wille. (Looking at you, Jan-Olof, allowing Wille a moment with Simon, you fool!) It´s simply been too long behind those impenetrable walls that she can´t even see it anymore. Until her son shows her. And you wonder if he´s even breaking through to her, or if she´s just been confirmed in her fears about his emotional unruliness and will dig in deeper inside her fortress. (Another time if feels like we see some honest emotion from her is of course in S1 when she´s visibly angry as she says that nobody ever chooses the royal life, so maybe Wille can relay Boris´ message about choosing how to live your life to her? Maybe she´s not beyond Boris´ wisdom. Anyway.)

The show shines such an unforgiving light on that institution that chokes all feelings and individual freedom out of you, especially over such a long time as with the queen, but I love love love how hopeful and defiant Wille´s journey of deliberate progress is in the face of it.

And I do hope he´ll continue therapy and never allows his own walls back up once they´re down.

#and then you pay for your shopping and go home and post your grocery shopping thoughts on tumblr.com #yrs2 #young royals #yr meta #and I´m not saying we never see the queen have any believable feelings whatsoever #like her snälla in ep 1 seems sincere #but we´re told she´s always the queen and never just mother so the feelings she seems to show often have royal motivation #and her words can be mistaken for heartfelt when they really serve to manipulate and gaslight #and often create serious whiplash in the viewer and i´d argue wille at times #like that whole manhandling scene and her words in the phone call afterwards still boggles the mind #as if she didn´t just say she had to do what she had to do because wille made her do it in between apparent sweet words of understanding #feels like viewers often try to rationalize her there as mainly supportive #just like wille who needs to just to be able to go on with his day #but controlling herself so fiercely also makes her want to control her emotional son and move him and August around like chess pieces #until it backfires because Wille has finally moved himself outside her control

[nash-21]

She :3

I am talking to a girl. She is a JAIN, I know its something I never thought I'll do but whatsoever Im knowing her with time and its interesting to see that she thinks just like me. Her nature is also just like me. I need to know her more but I am not sure weather she will open up to me or not.

I rather prefer describing her as a person then putting a photo of her here. As now I am looking at her photo her eyes looks likes a queen's eyes. All the eyebrows coming together to make her look like a queen. She is mezmarizing but still she is just a friend of mine and I m trying to put a point here as how beautiful she is.

Next is her smile

Her smile kills me. So we started talking on video call recently and when I first had a conversation with her in video call it was full of shyness and I was blushing I really dont know why?. Knowing the fact it was quite a good time with her which was interrupted by her grandmother as she was saying her that she is talking to her boyfriend. Firstly it was a shock to me then when I looked at her smile from the next time it felt different, It felt like I just continuously look at her smile. Her both cheeks squeezes so much in the sides that her teeth comes out in which she looks more pretty. Someone said smiling is the best therapy, for me its her smile.

I dont know what is happening to me when I am talking to her. I feel connected I feel like we connect, I really don't have feeling right now but I feel different when I am talking to her. She is just a soul I want to connect with. what is this? why is this happening to me?

She just vanished,not replying to my text at all,I feel lonely,I feel betrayed,I feel like the same thing is happening to me again, I need to get my shit together. She has somewhat becoming a addiction to me to talk to.

She called me tonight when I was doing my work. When I saw her call it felt like a child had seen a candy and he is happy. I took her call and believe me it was a hell of a conversation. I was angry on her for leaving me like that but when I saw her it was all gone. I didnt wanted to do any of the work as it was not much important to me as she was. Is it likeness or love? I am totally confused. I just want to tel her about all these so that some clarity comes in as I'll get to know more about her feeling. The only thing is will she fight for me?

Im ready to accept her as she is and will always make her happy like Im always but will she say her parents about me and make them understand that I am good for her? Because I know I am the right guy for her and she'll know it soon am I the right person or not. Just dont know were we are going here but 1 thing is for sure that is its going to be a pretty awesome experience for me and for her as she'll get to know someone who can love her like anything and wants nothing in return and I'll get a honest girl with a pure heart.

[annaofthenorthernlights]

It´s your life

Chapter 4 Thrill

A short drop of a sweet Kristanna surprising trip (Modern AU)

Rating for this chapter: M (some little sexual occasion for the start)

Word counting: 2070

Previous chapters (on AO3)

Note: This chapter was so much fun to write - hope you enjoy! 😊

Summary: This trip turns out to be the surprise of the century to Anna – and Kristoff´s as well… He hadn´t thought in his dreams of the outcome but plays along for Anna. Wouldn´t he do anything for her…? 😊

Anna woke up early, unusual for her – but then, she had been so excited and had swayed between waking and sleeping. There was still time to nap. So, she would snug her blankets cosily around her, ravishing in the realisation of where she was, where they were! Kristoff had turned towards her, still asleep, so relaxed, so peaceful.

Ah, he had been such a charm last night. They had cuddled and started to watch some comedy movie (yes, the pioneer-room did accommodate a TV!), but then had fallen asleep, tired from the drive and all.

Anna thought of how lucky she was and how blessed she felt to found herself with a boyfriend of such integrate and truthful character. He deserved all the best in the world. If only she could prove to be the perfect match just for that reason. At least, she could try to return her love and gratefulness the best she could. And a flick of thought crossed her mind, sending a warm feeling down her body. She knew, what good deed she could offer.

Anna huddled herself a bit closer to Kristoff, and softly kissed his cheek, all the while running a tender hand along his neck and shoulder, and down his upper arm. He had his eyes closed, but his arm would reach out and over her waist. Anna shifted herself comfortably, just to move her hand along his ribcage beneath the blanket and down to his hips. She squeezed the muscular sides of his upper thighs and then moved along to give her beloved a tender stroke along his still relaxed manhood. The young woman smiled when her man opened lazily eyes and responded with a grin, “good morning beautiful. Up to some mischief already?”

“Sorry for waking you up,” she whispered.

“No, you´re not.” He remarked drowsy, but pulled her closer, while Anna increased her massage, the result of a hardening cock within her palm pleasing her, giving her some thrills in return. She would pull at the hem band of Kristoff´s pyjama shorts to free him of the fabric, just to continue her morning greeting.

By now, Kristoff was fully awake, getting active himself. He caressed her breast, tenderly encircling her nipple with his thumb, while he moved his other hand around her neck into her hair. He leaned in to kiss her tentatively first, just to increase the pressure of his lips.

Anna loved those passionate moments, even if they couldn´t get coital as she had hoped for. But the gift of loving hands was a thrill that must be cherished just as it was. A moment of close intimacy, being there for each other. So, she happily continued her loving stroke, sensing the pulsating excitement within his hard and throbbing cock, while Kristoff caressed her breast. And it would never fail to fascinate them both that they moved in the same rhythm, like a fine-tuned duet, right up to the moment of his release. And for some even more fascinating reason, feeling his relief would send a shiver down to her centre, like she was sensing an orgasm herself.

***

When they left their room for breakfast, Anna was that excited, she nearly skipped along the way.

Kristoff decided to share her enthusiasm like a new experience. She had shown so much interest for his stuff, he could afford a day of illusional and fictive characters hopping and dancing around him, and occasionally being asked to hug an oversized bunny, bear, mouse, or even that crazy snowman, who loved hugs above all since that famous Disney movie was out a few months ago… what was it called again?

They had nearly finished their breakfast, when a man came up to their table and asked if he could talk to them for a moment. He introduced himself as Mathias, head of the artistic program. Kristoff and Anna exchanged a puzzled look, shrugging and then turning to wait for Mathias to continue. The waitress brought a coffee for the man and he would tell them his concern.

“You remember Honeymaren, your waitress last night?” They nodded.

“Well, I was glad she rang me up. You two seem the perfect couple I was desperately looking for.” Another puzzled look. Mathias would explain.

“I guess, you know that there will be a parade at midday, and then againg to bid the guests farewell before closing time early evening?” They nodded.

“Now, there is my problem. We have a scheduled cast for this part of program. There are the “active” show-people, like dancers and artists, and there are the “passive” participants, like the characters driving the carts or standing on the platforms. There is this one cart, where my scheduled couple for this weekend is prevented of attending. She had an accident and remains in the hospital till next week, while he got a call and had to leave for some family urgency. I can´t reach the other staff that´s on the list and then last night, Honeymaren called me up to have the perfect people at her table. The amazing thing is. You two don´t even need any wigs or great make up – you guys look like dropped right out of the movie.”

Another puzzled look.

“I ask you to join in for today and tomorrow. All you must do, is to sit on that sled and smile, wave to the people and act friendly with each other. If you agree, I will see to it that you get this whole weekend for free and a little honorary would be paid as well. So, what you say?”

Kristoff and Anna exchanged another bewildered look. Kristoff narrowed his eyes, while Anna´s eyes widened with excitement. He could literally read her mind… So, he just had to make sure one thing.

“And you say, we only have to sit on whatsoever and smile and wave at people?”

Mathias nodded enthusiastically, “yes – and “act friendly” with each other.”

Ah well then… Even if he had been asked, he couldn´t have thought of a better surprise for her than such a… surprise…

So, what movie would they be part of?

“Frozen”

***

He felt silly, but he wouldn´t admit it aloud, because he didn´t want to ruin it for Anna.

Gosh, she looked so pretty in that blue dress, black bodice and purple cape and ear warmers, and then those blue mittens. Genuinely like that snow queen’s princessherself!

Anna had stood mouth agape when she had spotted Kristoff. He looked stunning in that northern mountain man outfit. Simply hot!

They got seated on this oversized sledge, that would move on hidden wheels, with this gigantic reindeer placed in the front. Behind them there sat an over dimensional snowman, Olaf, grinning broadly down on them. Right before their sled there was another waggon, with a huge sort of ice castle on top of it. On its platform there stood the ice queen herself. Right now, she stood facing them, laughing, and waving, with a mischievous grin on her face. Honeymaren! She was casted for that role for the midday parade, while in the evening she worked in the Casino. Anna had bounced like a child around the Christmas tree when they got introduced to their queen.

Then the parade´s trail started to move. They were somewhere in the middle of the row, so there was still some time to observe the ongoing in front of them.

Kristoff couldn´t help but admit, that the moment was prickling with all the people cheering at them. For sure, no one would believe him. The excitement lay within the air. Anna was so happy. She beamed and giggled, bounced on her seat next to him, all close and her arm in his. She was completely lavishing in the moment of this dream. When Kristoff looked at her, he couldn´t help but smile and lay his arm around her. Mathias had said that they should act friendly with each other. No problem, he could do this. He wouldn´t care about people watching and bend down to pull her close into a passionate kiss. The public roared with cheers for the beloved princess and her ice master hero of the latest movie hit!

Little did they know that today´s celebration was recorded by TV channels because of the opening of the newest resort´s section.

****

While Elsa sat with Runeard Rendelle over the agenda of upcoming meetings, Rosa, their housemaid, came running into the library. “Miss Rendelle! Please, you must come and see!”

Rosa had put on the TV in the kitchen and had stumbled over the news of reopening Disneyland´s newest section. The parade was just on and when she had spotted some special cart, she had not trusted her eyes.

Elsa stared at the screen and meanwhile had fumbled for a chair to sit down.

It could not be. Dear God, no, that could not be. That must be some people with an outstanding masking, hairstylist or whatsoever. But when the princess smiled into the just zooming in camera, all unknowing of being filmed, Elsa recognised her sister´s smiling eyes. It hit the elder sister, that the younger looked so genuinely happy. The sight was of short durance, when the camera zoomed back in further distance and at the same time, the blond man sitting next to her bend down to kiss Anna full heartedly.

Rosa gasped aloud, exclaiming excitedly, “Oh mi, que romantico!”

Elsa still stared at the screen, then at Rosa, and back at the screen. Meanwhile the camera had taken focus on Rapunzel and Eugene, who walked happily together, hopping to the people standing close by along the alley.

“What was that?”

Elsa startled at the voice behind her and turned sharply around to see her grandfather standing in the doorway. He had followed her and had seen it all, though not understanding where and what this scene meant to be.

***

The evening before she had tried to explain to Runeard Rendelle about Anna´s whereabout without being to specific of where Kristoff had taken her. Her grandfather still disliked the idea of his granddaughter befriending a less fortunate, like this man.

He would not hear anymore of it and said that Elsa would not need to defend her sister. He would deal with her in his ways. For the time being of the dinner´s event, they would tell their guests that Anna was “mentally” absorbed and didn´t feel well, all exaggerated before exams. She would be fit to show herself to them after the turmoil of passing with merit. That, he was convinced, everyone would understand.

Now, he was just furious. He could have dealt with Anna´s silliness of running around with a good-looking young man, that treated her like a princess. But acting and dressing up like a fairy tale girl within a bunch of fantasy characters… Who did she think she was?

Elsa tried to calm him down and remark that there must for sure be some reasonable explanation.

Again, he wouldn´t hear any of it and demanded Elsa to leave him alone. He then picked up the phone and started dialling a number. Elsa was still standing there, when her grandfather motioned her with a snack of his head that she should leave the room now.

Elsa turned to go and when she closed the door behind her she just overheard him calling his friend´s name. The family solicitor.

***

The parade would take about an hour to last for the whole tour. There would still be plenty of time to explore the parc once they had peeled themselves out of the costumes in the staff sector. Honeymaren had come up to them before, apologising for her “secret attack”. Anna had laughed and joked that next time, she would bring her sister along and then, she could join Honeymaren on the cart!

Mathias had shown up, congratulating, and thanking them once more for their jumping in. Everything was arranged and they´d be handed a pay-check at the reception of their hotel.

Anna was still exaggerated with the adrenalin running through her when they moved on towards the public alleys.

Kristoff grinned and stretched, feeling a great relief for having redressed in his jeans and comfy shirt.

“So then, my princess, what´s next on your plan?”

Anna grinned up at him, flinging her arms around his neck for a brief and sheepish kiss.

“Splash Mountain!”

#Frozen fanfiction #fanfic Modern AU #Kristanna fanfiction #Kristoff #Anna #Surprise trip to Disneyland #more surprises... #thrilling surprise #mine #got so excited myself...

[kurtty-drabbles]

Postwoman au (part 7)

Finally, write the Krampus and Kitty time travel adventure.

@dannybagpipesarecalling @muninandhugin @tieflingteeth

In all honesty, if you ask Kitty with tact-something some people in her life lack- Kitty took this job without feeling she has a saying whatsoever in the matter. Maybe, it was true, maybe Galaticus in all his wisdom and all his status as an Outer God-one above everyone and everything. No one should forget this. Kitty felt she have no saying so, yet that didn´t stop her to form opinions.

At this very precise moment, Kitty is on her knees watching-even admiring the brazes of the fireplace- each aspect, each small detail of this strange room. It has an ancient vibe, as if Kitty travel back in time, at the same time it feels modern-she saw the TV near. Looks like a new model, at least it looks like.

It certainly isn´t how one imagines Krampus´s room. Kitty let a grin grace her rounded face as she develops some silly ideas for his room. She´s ever grateful Krampus can´t read minds. Those ideas are too dumb and Kitty has no sense of fashion.

"Your hair" his voice jolts Kitty back to reality. Krampus is looking at the ponytail and taking some hair locks in his azzure hand. Feeling the texture. Her hair is fluffy.

"Oh, yeah...I love to use ponytails" slowly her hands undo the ponytail letting her hair free once again. "You know, you don´t have to do this...." she trails off fidgeting with the ribbon used to form the ponytail.

Krampus hummed in response. Playing with her hair as a counter-response to everything.

"Really, is just hair..." Kitty is grateful Krampus is only watching her back. He doesn´t need to see her redden cheeks nor how the color is spreading to the neck.

"I want to do it, plus, you´re here already and you already undo the ponytail..." there´s mirth in his voice. Kitty won´t face him. "Your fingers are dexterous...is almost erotic to watch"

Kitty now has every reason to not turn and see his handsome face.

"I didn´t mean to make you uncomfortable!" he promises kindly. Isn´t it a bit funny? Krampus is kind but he´ll take your misbehaving kid-and sometimes your wife. Yet, he´s here being kind with Kitty just because. What a strange ancient man!

"I´m just saying...if you´re born in my...time, let´s call as such, many men would want to marry a woman with such fluffy hair and dexterous abilities" Kurt is kind.

Kitty could flirt. Could ignore. Kitty, however, has no real game in regards to some social situations.

"I´m Jewish...pretty sure German people wouldn´t like marry me" no shame on her part. Kitty wears her roots proudly. If Kurt has a problem...

"I know...in my time,  Jewish women are just women. Romani women are just women and black women are just women." his tone looks sad. "Until it was a point to distinguish and separate them..." she can feel him shaking his head. "In my time, when a woman presents to...the Gods, to the old temples, we judge her by her skills not her origins...you would get a good match" now his tail has a brush.

Her face turns slightly to the side-still feeling her checks burning- to see golden eyes staring at her amused. Mischievous. The woman pouts and turns back to her view of the fireplace.

"You´re a mysterious figure, you know that" Kitty begins as Kurt chuckles to prove his feelings. "That´s why I did my own research on you!" Kitty confesses to focus on the fire. It´s almost as if the fire is dancing.

Kurt humms again. Starting brushing her hair- Kitty will deny with all her heart if anyone claims she´s purring-slowly and Kitty closes her eyes, incline her head slightly and again if anyone says purring ...they´ll be so wrong.

"Oh, your research about me? I´m flatter, what my little postwoman found" Kurt is brushing her hair without any hush. Without pointing out certain sounds Kitty is making. Not purring, sure!

"Yes, I found out about you and Amanda"

"Uhm, not a secret, Katzchen"

"She was your secretary!" she starts not minding Kurt not an impressive response. "She was the daughter of Margalia Szardos. The lower totem of the magical community and thought if she had you like her...." now she stumbles with words.

"A weapon?" Kurt suggests amused.

"Yes, that. She thought if you were on her team she could conquer the witch community and be the Queen of the Witches" Kitty smiles as Kurt comments she´s correct.

"Margalia was killed by the council...and Amanda had a son with.....her brother" now she stops smiling. Incest sort breaks anyone´s victory.

"Oh, yes. She slept with Stefan. She named her own daughter as Amanda. She has killed as well Stefan" his tone is somber. Kitty wonders if she treads in dangerous waters.

"And the council spare her, the baby, you spare the baby...because you don´t believe in punishing a baby for the parents´ crimes" Kitty amends.

"Yes, Amanda gave her name to the baby but not the last name..."

"A witch without a surname is an outcast" Kitty pipes in. "Yana explain this to me...she´s the Demon Queen of my heart" she states and Kurt stops brushing her fluffy hair.

"Are you two...close?"

"Platonically speaking, of course. We´re platonic soulmates"

"Oh, it makes sense! I meet Yana.....she´s intense" Kurt offers this as an explanation. "She once tried to be the Zombie Queen for lols...she talks about you and her friends"

Kitty wanted to ask if he tried to hit on Yana. Yana doesn´t swing to this team at all.

"I didn´t hit on Yana. Not only Yana doesn´t swing to this team...she is 100% not a good match for me in any way...not a fan of zombies and she would claim herself as a Zombie Queen"

"Oh, that´s Yana. She was a Vampire Queen until she got bored"

"...Your platonic soulmate is all yours!"

Now his fingers are working on her fluffy hair. Time to braid it. "Your hair is lovely than Yana"

"What?"

"Shush, I´m braiding your hair!"

After a few moments. A few pushes on her hair-it may be intentional or not- the hair is done. Kurt takes the mirror to show the hairstyle.

(how it looks)

"What you think?"

"Krampus steals your kids, your wife, also do your hair. What you think?"

"Good, no one will believe the last part anyway" ________________________________________________________________________________________

Meggan Puceanu is a succubus. The world never will let her forget her such fact. NEVER. Succubus are fun for the night, no one wants to hang out with them in the day.

Meggan is all too used by now.

Brian, however, seems to not get the memo in regards to the succubus´s interaction as he´s still talking to her. Still here.

"I found some leads about the Black Queen. Selene is not being supported by Shaw, but, she has money enough for her plans...and Meggan, are you ok?"

"You still are talking with me...are you sure of that?"

And Brian was never the epitome of emotional sensibility or anything like that, in fact, not even his sister was-she tried to sleep with a married man once. Yet, Brian is not completely dumb to ignore the elephant in the room.

"When I ask you to be in Excalibur...you know the invitation is serious, right? I´ll not kick you out tomorrow"

"That´s ...new, really new to me"

"Working with someone else is also new to me...we can learn together"

Meggan wants to probe more of these feelings. Meggan has questions. Gloriana, however, is too professional to let work slide in favor of feelings.

"Do you think Krampus made the right call? Sending someone to the past is a bit dangerous..."

"Who is Krampus?"

"Kurt Wagner"

"That...doesn´t answer my question"

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Krampus is restless. Never a good sign as Santa can confirm. The two figures exchange one final look. Full of answers only for them and only them. Kitty must be oblivious if she wasn´t Kitty that´s it.

"So, my mission is to travel in time. Collect some magic rocks and return...all while not gathering the attention of the ancient figures of there. Smaller gods, right?" Kitty summarizes the situation as brief as she can.

Kurt´s face looks twisted in worry. His tail touches her hands. "You really don´t have to do this..." he looks at her braid hair and typical dress linked to the paganism era. "You can keep the dress and hair...I´ll not mind, but, please...there´s nothing forcing you to do this..."

"Is my work, Kurt, of course, I´ve to do it" Kitty answers resolutely. Even winking at him.

Kurt lowers his head a bit and rests his forehead on hers. Oh, how the height differences are a bit sometimes. Kurt did have to lower himself to do this small action. He could have lifted her up...but it would be too intimate.

"Kurt?" Kitty can´t hide her emotions very well. She tried.

"Stay away from Chernabog, promise me"

"I promise you"

With such small words, Kurt leaves Kitty and conjures the portal. Santa takes from there. "Once you collect the magical rocks...just use your key and you´ll be back in no time"

Kitty nods. Is not a hard task...

She jumps through the portal and Kurt watches as the portal closes.

"You could have tell her...you´re Chernabog"

"I...don´t know how she would reach this"

#postwoman au #kitty pryde #kurt wagner #kurtty #krampus! Kurt #time travel and failing in love #I guess #Meggan is here #brian is too #small roles

[tvdversefanfiction]

Origins of Magic

Warnings: I do not own the rights to the television series “The Originals”, “Vampire Diaries”, or “Legacies” and do not own any of the characters within the TVD universe, I am making no profit from this and have no intention for this fanfiction series except for readers to enjoy. 15+ Mild to Strong Violence, Strong Language, Witchcraft, sexual scenes, and sexual references. F/F, F/M, M/M, Other.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN HERE

Chapter 15 - Black Christmas

The Day Before Christmas

Kayne Black and his older brother Magnus had spent a long time travelling the world together in the hopes of finding a lead of where Magnus’ missing part was as Kayne hoped to restore his brother to his former glory, despite Magnus’ distrust of his younger brother. Both brothers grew more and more frustrated with the lack of results which continued to strain their already fragile relationship leading to many fallouts between them as they continued their search. “So, in other words you are of no use to me!” Kayne complained as he lifted his right hand and magically snapped the neck of a male witch, the witch falling to the dirt within the woods completely lifeless, as Magnus stood behind his brother, far from amused by his antics. “Did you really have to kill him?” Magnus asked his younger brother. “Look at you, building up a conscious, tell me brother where was these morals when you burned me alive?” Kayne asked rhetorically, before going on to say. “He knew nothing which meant he was completely useless to me and if he lived, he’d let word slip about our family’s plan to restore ourselves at the top of the food chain…I mean it is bad enough the originals know our secrets let alone the witches we created.” “I just think if we ever want to be considered royalty among the witches again then we probably should not go around killing them all.” Magnus argued. “It also does not help you’ve spent centuries massacring them to prolong your life all these years.” “Oh Magnus, I am fond of the witches and their creations but do not get me wrong for one moment I’d rather die than play kings and queens with you and our sisters again…yes I want you all restored like me, but I’m done playing witch games.” Kayne explained to his older brother. “Once we are all restored, we can finally be us…that is the only gift we need, not illusions of some kingdom.” “So, your big master plan is to give the four most power hungry beings in the world even more power and then expect none of us all to do something with this power?” Magnus asked him, unable to find any logic in his brother’s plans. “I honestly never thought about it like that…” Kayne admitted, beginning to rethink his plans for a moment. “No, once all your memories are returned you will see the truth.” “Maybe but tell me how much the truth has changed who you are?” Magnus questioned his brother, believing his brother was no different than before having his full memories restored.

Annabella Black had once again found herself alone, having been months since she had seen her siblings or anyone else, she knew, as she had now found herself spending all her time desperately searching for a lead towards finding a key to restoring herself despite constant dead ends and little to nothing to go on and she was beginning to think it was time to quit her search like her younger sister Primrose had done already. “You’re spending Christmas with Kol and his human family?” Bella said in shock, while sitting on a bench within a busy street in the French Quarter of New Orleans and on the phone to her sister Rose. “Wait…their leaving you alone with children…if you need me to cast a spell, I could be there…you sure you have it…yeah okay…” Before Bella could begin to utter any more words on the phone call, her sister had hung up, making it clear to Bella that she was far from forgiven for all her manipulations and lies over the centuries, to which she could not blame her sister for but still it sucked not being needed by her and since Kayne was currently more powerful than them all it is not like he needed her. Which is why Bella found herself back in New Orleans hoping to get a glance of Rebekah, the only person outside of her siblings that meant anything to her, hoping to see her or even to share a conversation with the original female vampire, anything to make her feel any less alone during Christmas time but sadly alone is what she would be, having not known no Mikaelson was currently in the city, as all were attending Hope’s wedding in Mystic Falls. “So, I’ve been trying to work out who you were since you first came to my city a few days ago and then the rumour mill quickly got spilling the secrets of your rather complicated family tree.” Marcel stated after speeding his way to now stand in front of the powerful witch. “Are you the one whose as crazy as Kol or the one who had something with Rebekah? I know you’re not the one who had something going on with Klaus…” “I’m Annabella Black and judging by the amount of power I can feel coming from you and how it is somehow stronger than that of an original tells me you are Marcel Gerard.” Bella replied as she stood up to face the upgraded original. “I was believed to think you had abandoned New Orleans after your brief marriage to Rebekah Mikaelson.” “I took a break from the family yeah, but I never took a break from this city.” Marcel admitted to her. “Although even I know there’s no Mikaelsons in town as my sort of sister Hope is getting married right about now.” “I got that message, a little late but still the message has been received.” Bella told him, trying to hide her sadness over missing Rebekah. “This is going to sound out of the blue but…how would you like to spend Christmas with me?” Marcel asked the bewitching beauty, shocking her by the invitation. “I can tell a lonely face and it just so happens I am also lonely this Christmas…nothing sinister I promise, just consider it a thank you from me for bringing black Klaus heck I’m even a little grateful you brought back Elijah.” “Connections with the Mikaelsons are never straight forward.” Bella laughed, before going on to say with great sarcasm. “Two exes of the same woman spending Christmas together…what could possibly go wrong?”

The Night Before Christmas

Kayne walked into the twin hotel room of which he was sharing with his brother Magnus in Jefferson City, shocked to see no sign of Magnus whatsoever, catching on quickly as he noticed a note left on one of the beds, as he walked over picked it up and began reading what his older brother had to say to himself, which simply read one word, that word saying bye, much to Kayne’s dismay and frustration. “Sometimes when someone burns you alive you should just call it quits trying to make that family bond work.” Klaus announced after vamp speeding into the room. “I am truly sorry you have a brother foolish enough to ever want to leave your side.” “It’s what people do…centuries go by, sights change, empires change, people change, but one thing that never changes is they always leave.” Kayne admitted, as he threw the note back on to the bed. “Is your daughter not getting married today? For some mad reason Rose is on babysitting duties…I know this because the crazy bitch tried to get me to help her like I would be any better with children.” “The wedding has come and gone, and I should be in Mystic Falls still but after the reception I decided to get my eldest sister Freya to do a location spell on you, I’ve tried for her to find you a million times but only now it seemed to work.” Klaus revealed to him. “And with you being so close to Mystic Falls I could not help but pay you a visit.” “Well as out of the blue this is, my family is no longer paired with yours since I took down the supreme bitch, so, I am just going to and if I were you, I would not try stopping me.” Kayne warned him as he began to walk past him only for Klaus to grab him by the arm. “After everything we have been through you did not care to tell me goodbye when you left New Orleans and still you cannot say goodbye to me now.” Klaus said, as he pulled Kayne’s body closer into his. “All I came here for was a simple…goodbye.” “Goodbye.” Kayne breathed, as he struggled to restrain himself from kissing Klaus then and there, as the feeling of the original hybrid’s body pressed up against his felt as good as it did centuries ago, struggling to contain his longing for him as Klaus began looking deep into his eyes, realizing Klaus wanted the same as his. “I have changed my mind,” Klaus replied with a sly smirk before gently kissing Kayne on the lips. “I do not want to ever say goodbye to you again!” Suddenly the power witch and the original hybrid’s bodies began crashing against each other’s, the two kissing passionately while tearing at each other’s clothes, and beginning to make their way over to the nearest twin bed, longing to make love to each other, longing to rekindle a love they had started many, many, years ago.

Christmas Day

Bella never knew exactly why she accept Marcel’s invite to join him for Christmas, maybe the idea of being a lone for yet another year was too much for her to take, maybe she wanted Rebekah to learn she was spending Christmas with her ex-husband or maybe she was simply happy to put a face to the name of the self-made upgraded original vampire whose charm was only matched by his deadliness. “If you have brought me here to try and take me out than you’re a very brave but very stupid man!” Bella warned Marcel as she walked into the living room of her New Orleans apartment wearing a tight fitted black dress, only to find Marcel stood there holding two glasses of champagne. “I meant what I said when I invited you here…there is no need for us to both be lonely.” Marcel replied as he handed one of the glasses of champagne to Bella. “Yes, I heard that line just yesterday but considering your ties are still pretty tight with the Mikaelsons I fail to see why you did not go to Mystic Falls with the rest of them.” Bella questioned him as she took a drink from her glass. “No poisons other than alcohol…I am surprised.” “I’m not in Mystic Falls for the very same reason that you are in New Orleans Annabella Black.” Marcel admitted to her. “When you love a woman like Rebekah Mikaelson you cannot stop…even when you realize you can never be with her…I choose to handle that knowledge by avoiding her, you did too for a long time, but I guess curiosity brought you back once again, to which I too have found myself falling to.” “The girl whose heart always gets broken does not realize how many hearts of her own she has broken.” Bella responded with a sly smirk as she finished her glass. “I did not agree to this invitation to speak of Rebekah or even to celebrate Christmas…” “Then why did you come here? As if we both do not already know.” Marcel questioned her, while knowing damn fine what the witch was doing in his apartment. Bella Black was done feeling lonely at the loneliest time of the year and Marcel looked like a real hunk of the man, she could see what Rebekah had seen in this fine specimen and in that moment, she decided to explore more of him but before she could make the first move, Marcel had stolen a kiss from her lips. The two shared a knowing smile before continuing to kiss each other passionately, crashing their way to the couch before Bella threw him down on it and climbed onto the upgraded original, ready to unwrap her unexpected Christmas gift.

Rose Black was known for many things, none of them particularly pleasant and instead of showing any signs of shame the witch was delighted and proud of the name she had made for herself and the fear she struck in others, a fear that she believed she had worked hard to earn. So, when her only friend in the entire world Kol Mikaelson requested her presence she was quick to accept, having given up on her plans for restoration, the woman was ready to do some wicked deeds with the original vampire but upon her arrival to San Francisco she quickly learned her duties were needed for babysitting. “I cannot thank you enough for keeping my three unruly girls alive during our little trip to Mystic Falls on Christmas Eve.” Kol thanked Rose as he walked into the kitchen of his and Davina’s San Francisco home, as Rose stood in the kitchen drinking a glass of rose wine. “To be honest I have never been more terrified in my life and I was literally just almost burned at the stake…but they were actually rather amusing minus the dreaded Disney reruns I actually found myself enjoying their company.” Rose reluctantly admitted before taking a drink from her glass. “I think I actually want to be a mother!” “Well, I will give you something Primrose,” Kol said, while in a state of shock by Rose’s revelation. “You never know what to expect from you.” “I just need to find a single human whose seed I can tolerate enough to impregnate me…problem is I’ve not liked a single human in centuries!” Rose said before downing her glass of wine. “I mean if you can parent a child, I am sure I will raise the perfect little psychopath that will make mama real proud.” Rose Black never expected to become a babysitter but then she did and after spending Christmas with Kol, Davina and their three children she found herself lifted by the spirit of Christmas, suddenly ready to begin a path towards motherhood.

As Klaus woke up from his slumber, naked but for a sheet, he was shocked to see no sign of Kayne but after a few moments he heard the shower running which prompted the original hybrid to stand up from the twin bed, wrapping the sheet around himself before walking into the hotel bathroom ready for another round with his long-lost lover, only to be left shocked to find no-one there much to his disappointment. Within mere moments Klaus heard the vibrating from his mobile phone ringing and vamp sped his way back into the hotel room, picking up the phone and instantly answering it. “I truly am sorry for leaving in such haste Niklaus, but you see I fell for you once before and I cannot make another mistake like that again.” Kayne said across the phone to a stunned and hurt Klaus. “I know your not the same man you were back then, but neither am I and I’m afraid sooner or later your going to realize the person I am to you now is not some lost love but a foe and when that day comes, when we are reunited remember the hurt you feel now, the hurt you made me once feel…then prepare for war!”

#theoriginals #originals #to #tofandom #tofamily #tvdverse #tvdfamily #tvdfandom #thevampirediaries #tvd #legacies #originalsfanfiction #originalsfanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #lgbtthemes #lgbtcharacters #originalschristmasfanfiction #christmasfanfic #klaus mikaelson #marcel gerard #Kol mikaelson #davina claire #originalwitchcharacters #rebekah mikaelson #originalchracters #vampires #werewolves #witches #hybrids

[totallypathet]

Episode Four

Okay so first things first, I love a ball. I'm just not that psyched when they do them so early on in the season, because it feels so overwhelming when there's 12 queens doing 3 looks each, there's just sooo much to process! Having said all that, I do absolutely adore the ball challenges because it shows us so much about each queen. It's always interesting watching their creative processes and how they think. My favourites in the ball challenges are the ones who really *KimChi voice* embrace the materials. I just find it so boring when they just sort of glue stuff to corsets and don't really incorporate the materials of the challenge. So having said that, let's get into it!

1. Aiden Zhane

Miss Aiden... after the runways the only thing I had to say about Aiden was "really girl?".

She put so little effort into that third outfit. She put less effort into that that Derrick Berry put into the book ball. It was basic, bitch, don't come at it like "well I have a simple aesthetic" simplicity is not low effort. Simplicity is not basic. Simplicity is Gigi Goode's Lady Baller look. It was simple; but it was perfectly fitted, it was a fully realised concept, the fabric choices were perfect - it's simple, but it's effective, it's beautiful, and it's a story. That fucking corset was terrible, and she should've lipsynced for that alone. Her Lady Baller look was cute, I liked the reference, but I've seen it before. Her Basketball wife was horrific. I own that dress, and it's cheap and tacky. Speaking of cheap and tacky, can we talk about that black wig she wore with her third look?! Like don't get me wrong, I'm so glad that she's wearing a different fucking wig finally, but that wig came straight out of a bag and she put it on her head. It had that awful cheap synthetic shine, and I can't believe noone mentioned it.

She's so unpolished and I feel like she just doesn't even care. Shes like Shangie season 2 except not even 10% as charming or likeable. I am so ready for her to leave, and the fact that she's survived 2 eliminations already is beyond me.

2. Brita

Almost everything I've just written above about Aiden Zhane could also apply to Brita. I really really don't like her attitude. She's coming across so bitter and so cocky at the same time - and what's even worse is that I've seen no talent from her to justify her attitude at all!

This week was not a good week for Brita, and honestly I think she should have gone home. I actually really liked her Lady Baller look, it was a clever concept, it was immediately recognisable and it was styled well. The fact that her other two looks were utterly shocking makes me think that that first look was entirely the work of a designer and she had no input whatsoever. The second look?? Where she was like "oh it's an adaptation of Kim K's Met Gala look??? Delusional. Girl, it looked so fucking cheap, it didn't fit that well, and it was ugly ugly ugly. Kim K would never.

All of that pales in comparison to the third look. What was that? Honestly, what the fuck was that? It was so badly made, it looked ugly, it was unrecogniseable, and it was just a catastrophe. I was humiliated for her when she walked out in it. Her lipsyn also wasn't that good. She should be next to leave after Aiden Zhane.

3. Crystal Methyd

Listen, I love Crystal. What the fuck was she wearing for her Basketball Wife look? Choices. Other than that little blip, Crystal made me so happy this week!! He Lady Baller look was perfect, it was exactly the level of fun and quirky I wanted from Crystal, she totally sold me that 80s bowling fantasy! And then her third look!!!! The Carmen Miranda reference was perfect, that dress fit her impeccably, and it moved beautifully! I think she's going to just go from strength to strength and I am so excited to watch her! I never know what she's going to be wearing when she comes around the corner and I love it. Strong night for Crystal!

4. Gigi Goode

I mean, you handed Gigi Goode a design challenge and expected her not to win??? She sold me every look this week, and I loved it. She gave me 3 distinct and recognisable characters, and her presentation of each one was totally different, that's talent. I don't have all that much to say about Gigi this week, because it was all said on the show. She killed it, I think she's going all the way and I cant wait to see what she pulls out next.

5. Heidi N Closet

LET 👏 HEIDI 👏 KEEP 👏 HER 👏 NAME! I'm still so mad about that and I'm not over it. Heidi had a bit of a slip this week for me. Not nearly enough to deserve being in the bottom (especially not next to Aiden and Brita), but it wasn't a great week for her. Her first look was really ill fitting and unfortunate, but I do respect that she took the golf ball and club out on the runway, props can be unpredictable. The second look was cute, but it was just cute, and her third look... wow. I get what she was going for, that very high fashion androgyny, but...that green and that purple... someone put in that gif of Chrissie Teigen 😬😬. I'm glad this happened when there were enough people for her to fall middle of the pack, because she deserves better than to go home for some shoddy looks. But honestly, I do hate when queens go on this show and say "I don't know how to sew, I've only ever made one garment", you know you're coming on the show!!! Learn some sewing basics!! Make some dresses!! You know there's going to be sewing challenges, prepare yourself!!

6. Jackie Cox

Jackie Cox 😍😍😍 Jackie should absolutely have been top 3 this week!! Every. Single. Look. Was. Stunning. Her references were on point. Her shapes were gorgeous. Her presentations were perfect. Her characters were all recognisably different. But all the looks were recognisably Jackie. Jackie was Robbed. She gave me my whole life this week.

7. Jaida Essence Hall

Jaida was absolutely gorgeous this week! Her face is always stunning, but she brought it with her outfits too! And the third outfit was probably my favourite of the week, she knows her body, she understand her shapes and you know what it was nicely executed. I think Jaida is super solid and I don't think a whole lot in this competition is going to phase her.

8. Jan

Jan was also robbed!! I'm still thinking about her Basketball Wife look, how perfect was that! It was exactly what you would see a Basketball Wife wearing, at a Basketball Game. So on point. And the Janel bag? Iconic.

Her Lady Baller look was absolutely what I wanted from her as well! It was made of footballs! (I refuse to say soccer balls, I'm not American) And then she dribbled a football down the runway! In heels! Stunning.

Her third look was couture, high fashion, and so distinctive from her other 2 looks. Honestly top 3 should have been Jan, Jackie and Gigi. You can't change my mind.

9. Nicky Doll

This was a great week for Nicky! Which, to be fair, was to be expected in a fashion challenge. But she did a fabulous job! I think her Lady Baller was my favourite of all the Lady Baller looks. The makeup was perfect, the wig was stunning - also I challenge anyone to clock Nicky Doll's wigs! It's so strange that out of drag she has dark hair and it looks stunning, but when in drag she's mostly a blonde and it's so perfect on her. The gilet she wore for her second look was stunning, and I loved her styling. That third look?! Iconic. It was like the high fashion baby of Roxxxy Andrews' Sugar Ball look, and Yvie Oddly's Farm to Fashion look. I loved it. I love her. I think she has a really great personality too! I don't get what the judges are saying about her not having any personality. I really hope she pulls it out next week - I already know her runway is going to be perfect!

10. Rock M Sakura

Oh my baby Rock! She didn't deserve to be bottom 2 this week. Everything she did was just a tiny bit off. Her pads were a little weird this week, I'm not sure what happened there, but that did throw me off when she was walking. Her Lady Ballers look was great! I didn't get the judges critiques about it not being enough! If she'd have worn something elaborate on the bottom, they would have said it was too much - which is exactly the critique she got for her third look! I do agree that her second look was a little bit pedestrian. I actually lived her third look though! It was over the top, but that's Rock M's style! And the way she styles it was gorgeous. I liked that it wasn't a complete dress, it looked really sculptural and architectural. The fact that she went home and Aiden Zhane was safe is so beyond me. Robbed. Also she is a better performer than Brita, she just struggled with that dress, which is such a shame. I'm glad they really let us get to know her before she left though, she's not just going to be that "oh yeah her" queen who shows up at the finale.

11. Widow Von Du

I like Widow so much, but I don't know that she's going to go all the way at the moment. I really really really want her to pull it out next week! She was so amazing that first week, and since then she's just sort of coasted for me. Her looks this week were just okay. Her first look was really stunning, but the cheap horse stick prop made it look costumey, which is such a shame. Her second look was pretty, but it swallowed her up a bit, I felt like it was wearing her. Her third look I actually really liked but omg those shoes. What was she thinking. It ruined the whole thing for me. I really want her to succeed and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her next week!

There is one other thing I'd like to say about this week, which is that the Miss Trunchbull look that walked itself down the runway was incredible. If anyone knows the designer of that look, please let me know, because they deserve recognition for how great that look was.

Edit: @rattlethosestars let me know the designer of the look is Florence D'Lee, who you can follow on instagram here!

Otherwise, that's all for the breakdown this week! I am so looking forward to "Gay's Anatomy" next week, I feel like it could be such a entertaining challenge!

#rpdr spoilers #drag race #drage race season 12 #rpdr12 #aiden zhane #brita #crystal methyd #gigi goode #heidi n closet #jackie cox #jaida essence hall #jan #nicky doll #rock m sakura #widow von du

[greatwesternwccds]

even a traitor may mend , i have known one that did .

( it started out as a feeling

which then grew into a hope

which then turned into a quiet thought

which then turned into a quiet word )

the homecoming for a voyage that had lasted months on end is , as expected , a large affair . the fact that the homecoming brings with it a new high king and high queen only serves to make it more so . when the high queen has caught sight of narnian shores in the near distance , she laughs aloud , drapping herself over eustace and edmund ' s shoulders , and yells to the lord drinian at the ship ' s wheel , " land in sight , captain ! " 

edmund can only grin , arm around his sister ' s waist to keep her steady and kept his eyes on the ever closer stretch of land he hasn ' t really stepped foot in for years . his cousin stands on the other side of his sister and says , wonder - filled , " edmund ? "

" eustace . " he returns , voice light . his cousin is a different person than he had been at the start of their journey , and he no longer has the familiar weight of reepicheep on his shoulder to keep him grounded . " what is it , cousin ? "

" if you and lucy and king and queen , and caspian is also king , then what does that make me ? " 

" you are eustace , " edmund says , with a smile , and lucy breaks in from between them to add , also grinning , " friend of narnia . "

eustace looks like he might say something else when they hear it ; the narnians are cheering . their king is home and they are cheering . caspian all but appears on edmund ' s other side , smiling wide . 

" king edmund , queen lucy . " the seafarer says , threading his fingers through the just ' s free hand ; the just smiles still . " welcome home . "

( and then that word grew louder and louder

' til it was a battle cry

i ' ll come back

when you call me )

the seafarer ' s sister is waiting for the ship at the end of the docks and she yells his name when she sees him , " caspian ! "

they watch the way he grins , the way his shoulders all but relax at the sight of her , and they watch the way he ' s the first one off the ship to pick his sister up and spin her around . " cassie , " he says , and he looks like everything is finally okay when he sets his sister back on the ground . " how was ruling ? "

" other than the lords pleading for me to accept a marriage proposal , everything has been fine . i do believe the people do love me more on the throne than you , dear brother . " the queen - regent smiles , and that is when she notices the three additions to the crew that were not there months prior . her smile drops into a confused expression . 

the seafarer turns to watch them get off the ship , and he smiles softly . his sister moves from his side and says with a grin , " queen lucy ! king edmund ! " she pauses when she gets to eustace , brows furrowed , " did king peter suddenly grow younger or is this another sibling no one told me about ? " 

lucy laughs , and moves to hug the princess . " aslan , no . this is our cousin , eustace . "

" i know . it ' s tragic , ain ' t it ? " edmund adds , grinning as he throws an arm around the blond ' s shoulders , and eustace sputters out an offended hey ! that has no effect whatsoever on his cousin . " hello princess cassiopeia . "

cassiopeia grins back , and once she lets go of his sister , she says to the just king , " hello king edmund . "

( no need to say goodbye

just because everything ' s changing

doesn ' t mean it ' s never been this way before

all you can do is try to know who your friends are )

the first thing he sees is his brother , which is absurd because he hasn ' t seen peter in almost a year [ he ' s not quite sure he remembers his face anymore ] , not since they got on different trains at the station before aunt alberta ' s house . the second thing he sees is the sword through his brother ' s side and then he ' s running . he ' s running and he can ' t seem to get any closer to peter -- he feels like he just keeps getting farther away , and maybe he does . 

when edmund turns around he finds susan being shot through with her own arrows and he doesn ' t understand what ' s going on until he turns around again and sees her . jadis , the witch - the woman - the winter that he killed a thousand lifetimes ago , when he barely knew how to handle a sword and just got lucky . she ' s standing over lucy , and when she brings down her staff over his little sister ' s body , he screams .

and then , he wakes up .

he wakes up and he is somehow both hot and cold all at the same time and the seafarer is leaning over him , muttering his name softly and edmund hears a dry sob and takes a second to realize that the sound came from him . he sucks in a deep breath and has a hard time letting it out , and turns his head from side to side as though he ' s looking for something .

" edmund , " caspian says , voice soft , and reaches out to get the king to look at him ; he jerks his head away . " calm down,  ed , nothing is happening to you.  it was a dream , love . "

" where -- " he stops , voice hoarse , and swallows painfully . he tries again . " lucy . where is she ? "

his sister ' s voice telling him that she ' s right here hits him from the other side of the room , by his window , and he bolts around the seafarer to grab his sister tightly and murmur something against her hair that makes her pause for all of three seconds , before wrapping one arm tighter around him . 

" it ' s okay , ed . i ' m fine . it was only a dream . "

he ' s shaking and he think he might be crying because his face is wet but he really doesn ' t know anymore , and when he lets go of his sister , he just sinks . edmund rests his forehead against his knees and feels without seeing lucy sit on the floor next to him .

" it was a dream , edmund . she ' s dead , she can ' t hurt you or me or anyone . "

it takes him a long moment to respond , and he does so with a harsh laugh rising from his throat . lucy ' s hand , which had been running through his hair gently to calm him down,  stills at his words . " can ' t she , luce ? "

she can , because if she couldn ' t , he wouldn ' t be sitting on the floor with his sister next to him and his lover moving towards them from across the room , unable to breathe properly . because if she couldn ' t , he would ' ve been able to get warm a long time ago .

instead , edmund tries to take a deep breath and exhales another sob and he ' s crying again , shaking with the force of it , and caspian ' s hand on his back and lucy ' s hand in his are the only things he can actually feel through the roaring in his head that only screams traitor traitor traitor over and over again .

( as you head off to the war

pick a star on the dark horizon

and follow the light

you ' ll come back when it ' s over

no need to say goodbye )

they have been at telmarine court a month when lucy drags him into the throne room -- eustace barely recognized her these days ; he ' d spent weeks on a ship with her in this strange land of her make - believe stories that were never make - believe to begin with , but he had gotten so used to how she had been on board the dawn treader that seeing her now , in loose narnian dresses instead of a pair of caspian ' s old trousers and a shirt in edmund ' s size , is always a shock -- before his other cousin and the king .

( though , he supposes that they are both kings here , caspian and edmund , and lucy is a queen , as strange as that seems to him still [ his cousins are kings and queens , are legends and fairytales made true , and that is by far the hardest thing he ' s had to wrap his head around since he agreed to stay in narnia with them ] . he does not know if he is meant to bow or not so he doesn ' t , standing by his younger cousin while his older one gives him that strange smile that eustace doesn ' t quite know what to make of yet . )

it is caspian who speaks first ; it is his throne room , it is his right . " you found him . thank you , lucy . "

and he watches as lucy only smiles . " of course , caspian . " she smiles , lightly and steps onto the dais next to edmund , who is holding a sword in his hands -- he recognizes it vaguely as the sword caspian has been carrying ever since they appeared in the ocean . 

eustace looks from each of them to the next , from a barefoot queen to a king with sharp teeth to a king with soft eyes , and asks , " what did you need me for ? "

" kneel . "

" what ? "

" kneel , eustace . " lucy repeats , and she is laughing . " please , cousin , just do as you are told for once . "

eustace kneels , though he does not quite understand why he does so . he does not quite understand until edmund steps forward with a sword that used to belong to his brother and touches him on the shoulder with the flat of the blade and says , " once , for bravery . " he moves to other and lucy says , " twice , for honor . " and at the top of his head , caspian adds , " thrice , for courage . "

and edmund steps away , and eustace lifts his head , thoughts spinning and spiraling and threatening to bubble over into words until the just king , his own cousin , speaks into the quiet that has filled the throne room : " know now that we -- edmund the just , lucy the valiant , and caspian the seafarer -- rightful kings and queen of narnia , crowned by the lion aslan , do dub you with our sword : rise , sir eustace the undragoned , knight of narnia . "

( you ' ll come back when it ' s over

no need to say goodbye )

" that is how things are done , your majesty ! " one of them shouts , over the deafening roar of thirty other voices . 

the lords of telmar are loud . the king knew this , of course , but simply knowing it and experiencing it are two completely different things . he does not have a throne in this throne room , nor would he ever want one -- edmund likes it here , he does , but the telmarine castle is cold stone and dead dryads and there is a reason he leaves the doors to his balcony open during the night -- so he leans against the wall , half - cast in torchlight , and watches the seafaring king sit on his throne of iron and try to make them be quiet . the princess appears beside him , and he smiles . " princess cassiopeia . "

" king edmund . " she returns , and her eyes flick from her brother to the king beside her . " what do you think he ' s going do ? "

" i haven ' t the faintest idea . hopefully something amusing . "

cassiopeia laughs . " you think everything here is amusing , your majesty . "

edmund grins . " well , it is , isn ' t it ? all of them fighting over a pointless matter when it ' s ultimately caspian ' s decision what to do about it . it ' s as though they think that they have any real power . " he pauses . the lords have quieted , and they are looking at them . at him . the princess is blinking at her brother , almost confusedly , and that is when is registers what the lords had been arguing about : caspian needs to marry .

" king edmund , " the seafarer says , earth - tree - dryad skin brown eyes lighting up as though he has just had the most brilliant idea , and the just raises an eyebrow and pushes himself off of the wall . he walks straight down the middle of the throne room , between the arguing lords of telmar and pays them no mind , and stops at the foot of the throne ' s dias , almost grinning his too sharp grin up at the older - yet - younger king . " yes , king caspian ? "

" the lords tell me i have to get married to secure my position as king . "

" as king of telmar , yes . you are already a rightful king of narnia , crowned by aslan . "

not a soul in the room moves , and then caspian grins . it is not as sharp as his own , but it is getting there . " if i have to marry someone in order to be king , i ' d like to marry you . "

" would you ? " edmund says , and he feels without seeing the lords in their seats shift almost uncomfortably . caspian is still looking at him ; he nods , once , and the just king grins again , this time sharply . " then , caspian , i think you should marry me . "

that is when the shouting starts up again .

( now we ' re back to the beginning

it ' s just a feeling and no one knows yet

but just because they can ' t feel it too

doesn ' t mean that you have to forget )

he steps into the rebuilt cair paravel for the first time and tilts his head back to the arched ceiling of the throne room , he closes his eyes . he doesn ' t think about how they only put two thrones on the dias instead of four or how this might look like home but it never will be quite right , will never have that odd nitch on the beam in the courtyard from that time peter got his sword stuck again or the paint stains on susan ' s bedroom wall where they just flung at each other and laughed like children because that ' s really all they were then . he doesn ' t think about that ; he thinks about his sister standing next to him and her delighted laugh when she tugs at his sleeve and says , " edmund , look . "

he opens his eyes , and sees the mosaic on the ceiling and the sound that comes out of him is nearer to a sigh than a laugh , but he ' s grinning so it doesn ' t really matter all that much . 

edmund stands in his own throne room for the first time in a thousand and some years and looks up to find he and his siblings , all three of them , conjured in glass and stone -- peter with his shield , susan with her bow and her horn , himself with his swords , and lucy with her dagger and her cordial . he tries to imagine the colors the glass will cast onto the stone floor below and finds that he does not have to imagine it for long .

the sun rises over the towers of cair paravel for the first time in ten hundred lifetimes , and it sends colors dancing over the faces of the high queen and king of narnia . lucy laughs again , and edmund can not help but to laugh along with her .

( let your memories grow stronger and stronger

' til they ' re before your eyes

you ' ll come back

when they call you

no need to say goodbye )

they are in the courtyard , sparring , when the just king lowers his sword and asks the seafarer , " did you mean it ? "

the seafarer blinks , once , twice , and then he smiles and lowers his blade and says , " did i mean what ? you ' ll have to be more specific than that , mi rey . "

" in the throne room . you said you wanted to marry me . " he pauses , swallows . " that . did you mean that ? "

caspian blinks again , one , two , three times and when he lifts a hand to brush against edmund ' s face , he laughs . " of course . why wouldn ' t i want to marry you , ed ? "

" i don ' t know , i ' m just . . . a lot to handle . " 

he laughs again as he drops his hand , and edmund shoves him slightly . " what are you laughing at ? "

" you . "

" me ? "

" you ' re not a lot to handle , edmund . you ' re just , you . the you that i would gladly marry on the spot if i could . "

he opens his mouth to say something in return , and then changes his mind ; instead he just smiles and tugs the taller king down to kiss him , soundly . when he pulls away to breathe , he murmurs , " you know , kings can officiate marriages . "

caspian pauses , his hand against edmund ' s cheek again . he laughs and then he grins , eyes lit up , and then one king says to the other says , " oh , can they ? "

#the chronicles of narnia #s : the chronicles of narnia #otp : the seafarer & the just #c : to the clear northern skies #c : to the radiant southern sun #c : to the glistening eastern sea #c : you ' re not exactly what i had expected #c : to the great western woods #c : there once was a boy #lucy pevensie #susan pevensie #peter pevensie #edmund pevensie #caspian x #eustace scrubb #in this house we have feelings #about knight eustace

[tayegi]

New Rules Ch. 12

Word count: 10,425

Word spreads fast. It seems like no matter where you turn on campus, you see smirking faces and people whispering under their breath while pointing in your direction. As if it wasn't bad enough being the Ice Queen bitch, now you're the delusional bitch who actually thought she had a chance with Jeon Jungkook and threw a hysterical fit about it in front of his entire frat. Embarrassing does not even begin to describe it. It was bad enough when Jungkook rejected you to your face. But now the whole school knows about it… and you can't even show your face in public.

You contemplate dropping out of school, with only a year left, for a period of time. The only thing that keeps you from fleeing for a hermit life is the support of your girlfriends.

Mijoo is the first one who finds out. You had been dreading her reaction the most. She had been encouraging you to pursue Jungkook since day one, and was adamantly convinced that he actually liked you… You don't know how you can show your face in front of your best friend. Scorn is bad enough; you wouldn't be able to survive her pity.

You should've known her better than that. Once again, Mijoo proves why she's the one person you love most in the world.

The day after your dramatic scene at the frat house, word spreads like wildfire around campus. Hell, the very next morning, the entire sorority is aware of your embarrassing meltdown. And Mijoo is no exception. So you dash out first thing in the morning before she wakes, then hole up in the library all day. But with finals over, the library closes early. And you're forced to retreat back to the sorority house, your tail between your legs, hours earlier than you'd like. And this time, there's no way to avoid your roommate.

As anticipated, Mijoo is in your shared room, clearly waiting for you by the time you finally drag yourself in. Your eyes meet when you shut the door behind you, and neither of you know what to say for a moment.

The awkwardness is suffocating, so you try to break the tension with a laugh, "Haha, so I guess you've heard about the news?" you ask, sheepishly rubbing at the back of your head.

Mijoo doesn't say anything in return, but a single nod confirms your suspicions.

You resist the urge to cringe and double your efforts to keep up a nonchalant façade. You can't let her know how much this has affected you. Her sympathy would crush you. So you offer her a playful roll of your eyes, "Silly, isn't it? Oh well. Glad that's over and done with! Phew!"

But of course, your best friend can see through your act at once. Her face crumples and suddenly she's rushing towards you with outstretched arms, "Oh, ___," she sighs your name.

You wince when she hugs you tightly to her chest, suffocating you with her love. You really can't endure this. Anything but her pity. Oh god. This is the worst. You've never felt so small and idiotic. If you could have one wish, you'd have the ground open up to swallow you whole and—

"I'm proud of you."

Mijoo's unexpected words cut through the panicked frenzy of your brain like a cold knife.

You blink hazily, "Wh-what?"

She pulls back to gingerly cup your face with the utmost care, "I'm proud of you, ___," she repeats in a soft voice. "It can't have been easy confessing your feelings like that. And standing up for what you believed in. You are so strong, ___. And I admire you."

This is not what you had been expecting whatsoever. And all at once, your feelings of dread melt away, swallowed by a tide of affection. "M-mijoo," you whisper, voice choked with something dangerously close to tears. "Oh god, Mijoo." And with that, the floodgate of emotions bursts and you throw your arms around her, clinging on for dear life.

"Thank you," you breathe into the warmth of her embrace.

You can feel her smile against the crook of your neck, "___, you are a strong, independent, fierce goddess. Do you hear me? Any man who can't see that doesn't deserve you."

Tears fill your eyes, no matter how you try to blink them back, "It's me who doesn't deserve you."

Mijoo laughs softly as you tighten your grip on her hard enough to squeeze the air from her lungs, "I love you, ___."

"Good. Because that's all I need."

And when you finally let her go from your crushing hug to look her in the eye, Mijoo can tell from your watery, but steely gaze that you're not lying. Because no matter what happens, as long as you have her in your life, you can survive anything. Jeon Jungkook means nothing in comparison.

***

"I can't believe he turned out to be such an asshole!" Yerin exclaims in outrage when the three of you meet up for drinks the following Friday evening.

You pause to take a sip of your beer to hide your grin, "I dunno. I should've known better."

"No!" she practically yells at you, "How could you have known?! Men these days are all sneaky ass bastards! Well, fuck him!"

"Yeah!" Mijoo cheerfully agrees, sloshing her beer down her arm, "Fuck men!"

You choke back a laugh as you watch your best friends happily high-five each other in agreement, splashing beer all over the bar in the process. Mijoo and Yerin might have had one too many to drink… But they're so cute that you can't find it in you to reprimand them.

"Mijoo, what about Jimin?" you politely remind her, "Your boyfriend?"

"Oh, him…" she bitterly mutters under her breath, "Well, fuck him too!"

"… Aren't you bringing him to the sorority's homecoming dance after the break ends?"

"Oh yeah, that's right… Should I just dump him?"

"Wow. You must be really drunk if you're saying that," you snicker, "Ok, I'm taking the beer away."

"Ooh, can I have him if you don't want him anymore?!" Yerin eagerly waves her hand up in the air like a school kid waiting to be called on.

"Boys ain't shit," you playfully nudge her, "They're all crusty cheesemolds, remember?"

"No, only Yoongi's crusty," Yerin bitterly says.

"Ahh, he's not that bad…" you feebly defend him.

Both women turn to you in shock, "___, what are you saying?!"

"Yeah, whose side are you on, anyways?!"

You cower before their dual fury. You'd like nothing more than to correct them, but you can't forget about the promise you made Yoongi… "Yeah, you're right," you hold up your hands in defense, in case they start attacking, "He's the biggest dickbag of them all."

"Damn right."

"Cheers to that!" Mijoo crows as she holds up her pint of beer a toast.

Yerin whoops in joy and happily joins her, "Boys suck! I've decided that I'm gonna be the biggest fuckgirl of all time from now on!"

"Yeah! That's the spirit!"

You rush to intervene, "Wait, what?! Yerin, no! That is not a good idea!"

"Why not? Get that D while you're still young, girl!"

You hastily slap a hand over Mijoo's mouth before your roommate can continue with her horrible, drunken advice, "No! Don't get that D while you're young! Get it when you're both emotionally and physically mature enough to make reasonable—"

"Omg, Mimi should we go dancing?!" Yerin interrupts, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Why are you even asking?! Fuck yeah!"

And with that, your two best friends are off, and you have no choice but to chase after them, playing the role of the babysitter for the first time in your life.

"Wait, where are you going?! Girls, wait for me!"

***

Once more, you find yourself outside of the epsilon chi omicron house. You'd sworn to yourself, after that eventful Halloween weekend, that you would never return to this place. But clearly, luck is never on your side.

So here you are, on a freezing Friday night, watching your two drunk friends attempt to sloppily flirt their way into a private party when you'd much rather be curled up in your warm, cozy bed. You sigh deeply as you watch Mijoo twirl her hair around a finger and bat her eyelashes.

"Oh come onnn," she coaxes, "Can't you just make an exception for us? Just this once?"

The bouncer falters under the force of her adorable pout, "I… Um… Sorry, Miss," he says, somehow managing to resist, "I really can't let you in."

"We won't cause any trouble," Yerin rushes to Mijoo's defense, "We just wanna have one teeny tiny little drink… Pleeeeaase?"

The bouncer awkwardly scratches the back of his head, "I… I dunno… Let me ask the other brothers…" And with that, he twists around to address some guys behind him, "Hey guys, these cute chicks want to join the party. Can I let them in?"

"Ah, I don't know about that," a second frat brother says as he approaches the door, "This party is invite-only and we don't—wait a minute… Is that you? Are my eyes deceiving me right now?" he asks, gawking in shock as his eyes widen in recognition.

And you're horrified to find that he's staring straight at you. Confused, you glance over your shoulder, but there's no one behind you. "… Me?"

"Yes, you!" He exclaims, suddenly bursting into hearty laughter, "I never thought I'd see you again. Come on in!" He grabs you by the shoulder and yanks you through the front door.

Bewildered, all three of you stumble after him, "Um… Do I know you?"

But the frat brother ignores you as he drags you to the center of the party, "Guys! She's here!"

"What?!" you say in alarm, "I really think that you are mixing me up with someone—"

"It's her!" Comes his joyous exclamation, "The hotdog girl!"

"What? The hotdog girl?"

"Oh my god, it's the hotdog girl!"

"Waaa! Fuck yeah, hotgot girl!"

All the color blanches from your face as the crowd of people all light up with realization.

"Let the hotdog dance! Let the hotdog dance! Let the hotdog—"

"Oh god, I need a drink," you groan.

***

"Ooh, he's pretty hot, ___," Mijoo says in a conspiratorial whisper as the guy who let you into the house cheerfully fills the red solo cup in your hand for what feels like the hundredth time, "And I think he's into you, too…"

"Ah, whatever. Drunk guys are easy," you snort as you take a giant gulp from your cup. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?"

"You should fuck him!" Yerin passionately shouts, "Teach that coconut asshole a lesson!"

You wince at the volume of her voice, "Nah, that's not a very mature thing to do, baby girl."

"Why not?! I think you should too!" Mijoo exclaims, "I mean, Jeon was cute, I'll give you that. But pretty boys like him are a dime a dozen. Come take your pick here! It's practically raining men!"

"Hallelujah!" Yerin fervidly adds.

"I know he was good-looking, but…" you bite your lip before you can let anything else slip. But that's not why I liked him…

"If you won't fuck this guy, then I will!"

You jerk your head to look at your cute little blonde friend with shock, "Yerin! Don't say such things!"

"Why not?" She shoots back, "I have nothing to lose. If Yoongi doesn't like me, who cares? There are dozens of men at this party who would love to have me!"

"Damn right!" Mijoo crows as she pours practically half a bottle of vodka in her solo cup.

You wince as you wrestle the bottle away from her, "Are you forgetting that you're still a virgin?" you hiss at Yerin in a low voice, "Don't be acting like this. It's not you!"

"I'm sick of being the goody-goody little virgin girl!" She angrily yells as she rips the bottle from your grip, "I'm not nice. I'm not sweet. And I sure as hell am not naïve! I want to be a fuckgirl, too! Why can't I ever have any fun?!"

Something about the way she says this makes you very uncomfortable. Sure, if she really just wanted to sleep around for the pleasure, you'd have no choice but to support her… But what are her motives here…?

You quickly grab her wrist before she can take a swig straight out the bottle, "Stop it, Yerin. You aren't thinking straight. I know what happened with Yoongi was rough, but you really don't have to do this to prove anything, okay? You are a smart, wonderful woman and you'll find someone perfect for you one day."

"Easy for you to say," she snaps as she yanks the bottle out of your hand, "At least you have Jung Hoseok waiting on your beck and call. I have nobody!" And with that, she raises the bottle to her lips and takes a deep, long drink. "But fuck it, I'm gonna go wild and I don't even care! Whoo!"

"Wait, Yerin!" You exclaim, trying to chase after her when she rushes for the dance floor, but Mijoo holds you back.

"Don't, ___," the pretty brunette says as she holds you firmly in place, "Nothing you say or do can convince her otherwise right now."

"But she's making a mistake! She could get into serious trouble!"

But Mijoo holds firm, no matter how you struggle in her grip, "Well, she has to figure that out for herself. You're not her mom. You can't ground her or shelter her forever. This is a lesson she can only learn from herself."

You chew your lip, indecisive, as you glance between the slim brunette and the mosh bit. You know that your roommate is right, but you can't help but worry. "What if she gets hurt?"

Mijoo shrugs, "Well, that's just life. You can't protect her from everything, ___. Besides, don't we all go through a phase like this?"

Heat flushes through your system at the reminder, "Ah… Don't remind me of that dark period."

Mijoo laughs, "It might not have been the prettiest period of time, but you did manage to fuck Seokjin out of your system, right? Maybe you could use a bit of that right now…"

But the very thought of sleeping with a faceless stranger makes you cringe, "Nah. That's not my thing anymore… It was fun for a bit, but I think I need to be with someone I truly care about."

"Like Hoseok?" Mijoo suggests with a little waggle of her eyebrows, "You know the homecoming dance is coming up… Maybe you could use your invite on him…?"

Your eyes widen at the suggestion. For some reason, it hadn't even crossed your mind. But now that you think about it, it makes perfect sense. "Hmm. That's not a bad idea actually…"

A sudden, roaring cheer from the dance floor makes the two of you jump in surprise. And you promptly forget about the conversation at hand as you watch a petite blonde girl perform a keg stand in the middle of the mosh pit while a dozen frat brothers surround her and cheer.

"Oh no, Yerin, no!"

***

Needless to say, you find yourself carrying Yerin home that night. You and Mijoo had grudgingly let it slide when Yerin unleashed herself on the dance floor. You even resisted the urge to violently interfere when the younger girl began making out with some random frat brother (well, Mijoo had to hold you back while you struggled and screamed bloody murder, but same thing). However, when Yerin decided to climb up the table and attempt to one-up your hotdog girl reputation, that's when it was time to intervene.

But of course, it was easier said than done. It's clear that you are the only sober one around in a one-mile radius, and Mijoo was far too drunk to be of much help. And unfortunately, there was no serendipitous run-in with Yoongi this time… Although that might not have been particularly welcome to the heartbroken Yerin. So you are left with no choice but to utilize the services of the weird little frat brother who recognized you all the way from Halloween.

"Hey what are you doing after this, hotdog girl?" He cheerfully asks.

"I dunno," you mutter as you groan under Yerin's weight, "Can you just focus on not dropping my baby on her head?!"

"Whoops, sorry," he cheerfully says as he adjusts his grip on the younger girl, "So what's your deal anyways? You got a boyfriend or something, hotdog girl?"

You look up to flash him the deathliest glare you can muster, "Can you please stop calling me that? I've got a name, you know! It's ___, goddamn it!"

"___?" he repeats, "Oh, that's pretty. I'm Sehun, by the way."

You grunt in response.

"So, about that boyfriend…?"

"Fuck Junkcock!" Mijoo suddenly screeches from behind the two of you, triggered by the word. "That shit burger dink!"

Sehun's eyes widen in surprise, "Wait… You're Jeon Jungkook's ex-girlfriend? Damn, I've heard so much about this."

Embarrassment washes over you like a wave, "Yeah, I'm that hysterical freak. So what?"

"Nothing," he laughs, "We heard about this angry ex-girlfriend who called out Jeon and embarrassed him in front of everyone, but I never thought I'd meet her in person. You're an idol to us in Exo."

You wince at the memories, "I was never his girlfriend… But thanks, I guess?"

"Wow, I seriously can't believe that's you," he says with a delighted laugh, "This makes me like you even more!"

To your horror, his bold proclamation stirs the sleepy girl in your arms, "Huh?" Yerin blearily rubs her eyes, "You like ___?" She asks in confusion, "Why don't you like me?!" And with that, she proceeds to burst into tears.

You would have pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration if not for the fear of dropping the younger girl on her head, "Shut up, playboy," you growl at Sehun.

"Pssht, ___!" Mijoo tries to whisper in your ear, but ends up practically bursting an eardrum, "This guy's hot. You should fuck him!"

Embarrassment floods you at the way Sehun's eyes light up in delight, "Yeah! What she said! What brilliant advice!"

But this makes Yerin cry harder, "Why won't anyone fuck me instead?!"

You groan deeply, "I hate my life."

***

It's a quarter past two in the morning by the time you finally get Yerin back to her dorm room and shake Sehun loose. He dramatically requests a kiss in exchange for his noble services carrying your pesky younger friend home, but you manage to ward him off with your phone number instead.

And then you're stuck with the task of piggy-backing Mijoo home.

You thank all the deities you can think of for not running into any cops or nosy security officers on your way back to the sorority house. You have no doubt that they'd take one look at your drooling roommate, and haul her ass off to prison. But somehow, somehow, you manage to drag her back to the house in one piece, undeterred even as she shrieks out her love for you and covers your neck in messy kisses.

As soon as you enter your shared room, you hurriedly dump her in bed, eager to rid yourself of her weight, and dashing for the kitchen before she can kiss you anymore. Not that you mind too much, but you don't know how you'd explain yourself to Jimin.

You're sagging with weariness by the time you make your way down to the kitchen to grab Mijoo a glass of water before she dies of dehydration. It's been a long night, and all you've done is run around trying to protect your best friends. Not exactly the stress relief that you were looking for… But it was fun, in a weird way.

You're hovering over the kitchen sink, smiling to yourself over the amusing memories of your intoxicated friends, when the front door swings open. Surprised to find another sister returning home so late, you look up to greet her—but your voice dies in your chest at the sight of Hyejin stumbling through the door. Your eyes meet, but neither of you say anything for a moment.

Then, the beautiful redhead sighs and kicks off her towering stilettos to march into the kitchen, "Did you just get back as well?"

"Yeah… I was at an EXO party. What about you?"

"The club," She says as she reaches around you for a glass, "Did you have fun?"

You know that the socially appropriate answer is to simply agree with a smile. But it's so late and you're too exhausted for these meaningless niceties, "Nah," you admit with a sigh, "It was tiring."

"Me too," Hyejin says as she fills up her glass, "I guess neither of us are succeeding in our attempts to get over him, huh?"

You freeze in shock as she ever-so-casually addresses the elephant in the room, "O-oh, you mean Jungkook?"

"Yeah," she says as she sips her water, "I heard about what happened between you guys. I'm so sorry, ___."

"A-ah," you stammer, surprised beyond words. Why is she doing this? Before today, you could've sworn that she hated you, "Thank you… Um… I'm sorry for you as well…"

Hyejin simply shrugs her elegant shoulders, "Don't be. I should've known better… Guys like that will never change… But I just couldn't help myself…"

You blink at her in confusion, "What do you mean?"

The older woman flashes you a half-hearted smile, "It's hard not to like him, huh? I mean, he's gorgeous and so talented, but that's not why we like him, is it?"

You can't find the words to respond with as you stare at her with huge eyes.

Hyejin absentmindedly swirls the water around in her glass for a few seconds before continuing, "I first met him about two years ago, when I was at a BTS party and he was still just a little Freshman pledge. And at first, I didn't think anything of him… He was cute, sure, but who cares? Guys with his looks are a dime a dozen on this campus. And I didn't want to mess around with a little underclassman. But then…" she bites down on her bottom lip, "But then, all of that changed."

"How so, Hyejin?" you ask, eyes alight with curiosity.

The redhead chuckles softly as she stares down at her glass, "When a frat brother slipped a date-rape drug in my drink…"

Your eyes bulge in horror, "What?!"

"It was the scariest moment of my life," Hyejin sighs as she stares dreamily into the distance, "Every limb felt like it was weighed down with lead, and I couldn't talk, couldn't move or even fucking breathe. I thought I was going to die. And that senior frat brother… He kept trying to drag me into his room…"

"Oh my god," you gasp, "Hyejin, I—"

"Nothing happened," she quickly cuts you off, dispelling your worries, "Luckily, a couple of guys at the party noticed and interfered before the senior could take me to his room, and called an ambulance… Jungkook was one of those guys."

"Thank god," you exhale in relief, "No wonder you like him so much. I had no idea."

But Hyejin simply shakes her head with a little laugh, "Nah. That's not why. Anyone can save a victim at the scene of the crime. It's what he did afterwards that really mattered…"

"Afterwards?" you repeat in confusion, "What happened?"

Hyejin's teeth sink into her bottom lip, and you don't miss the way her hand tightens around her water glass hard enough to make the knuckles turn white. It's clear that the pain never eases, even after all these years.

"It's easy to apprehend a crime… but not as easy to follow up with justice…" She says after a long, deliberative pause, "The person who tried to rape me… He was a senior in the frat. And his father was a very powerful man who made important donations to the frat and to the school as a whole. It didn't matter that I had drug tests from the hospital proving that I had been roofied. No one cared to hear it… No one dared to oppose him… Except one noisy little Freshman boy…"

A lump forms in your throat that you can't swallow down. You can't see Hyejin's expression clearly in the darkness, but a single beam of moonlight that streams through the parted curtains of the kitchen window allows you a glimpse of her clenched teeth. It feels like your chest may cave with empathy, but you're too afraid to break the spell if you reach out to touch her like you crave.

"Jungkook was the only one who refused to cover it up. Even at the risk of not making it into the frat, he went up to the president and demanded justice… There was unfortunately nothing he could do at the university-level, but he managed to convince Namjoon to kick that rapist out of BTS…" Hyejin pauses to take a shaky breath.

"He was only a Freshman pledge… He could've been rejected from the frat. Worse, he could've experience backlash from going against such an important person, and been kicked off the soccer team. Had his scholarship revoked or something. But he didn't care… Even though he didn't know me… Even though I was just a stranger to him… He stood up for me. He stood up for what he believed in… And I've been in love with him ever since."

Her words send a shiver down your spine. You're so entirely shell-shocked and overwhelmed with emotion that you can't speak. You can only stare at her in the silvery darkness as your heart breaks into a thousand piece for her.

Hyejin must notice the utter despair in your gaze, because she smiles and reassuringly squeezes your shoulder, "I'm not telling you this to feel bad for me, sweetie. I'm telling you this, because I want you to know that you're not alone. I know exactly how you feel… Jungkook… he's a really good guy at his core. But he's still an immature kid and he can be a complete jackass at times. He definitely needs to grow the fuck up before he can handle a woman like us," she says with a playful nudge.

"Oh, Hyejin…" you murmur, forehead crinkling as you stare at her with wide, doe-like eyes, "I… I just… I'm so—"

"Nah, I don't need to hear it," she laughs, "Me and you, we'll move forward, alright? It's not fair for us to wait for him. We'll get over this kind, caring, immature asshole together."

You offer her a tremulous smile as you barely resist the urge to tackle her in an embrace. Knowing Hyejin, she would definitely not appreciate that. "Yes," you breathe, "Yes, we will."

And when you muster the courage to gently touch her hand, you're delighted when she doesn't immediately move away.

***

The next morning, after you've cleaned up all of Mijoo's vomit and ushered her to the showers, you sit on your bed and stare down at your cell phone, reflecting on your conversation with Hyejin the night before. She's right. Jungkook is a good man. In fact, he could be everything you could want in a man in a few years… But not now. You can't wait around and hope that he'll grow up. You have to move on. You owe that to yourself, at least. You, and Hyejin.

So after taking a deep breath for strength, you pick up your phone and dial in a number.

To your relief, the other party answers after just a few rings, "Hello?"

"Hi, Hoseok… How do you feel about going to the homecoming ball with me next weekend?"

***

A week later, you yank clothing out of your closet in a state of complete panic as Mijoo and Yerin watch you in amusement. "Ah!" you shriek, "Hoseok's gonna be here in half an hour! What do I wear?!"

"Calm down, you only have like two dresses anyways," Mijoo points out with a snicker, "Just pick one of them and let's go."

"But which one?!" You exclaim as you hold up both dresses, "Is this one a bit too plain?" you ask as you gesture to a dark gray shift.

"Yes, definitely," Mijoo says at once, "This is a formal ball, not a job interview."

"Ugh… Should I just wear my pantsuit instead?"

"Definitely not. I mean, you look cute in anything, but don't you want to look extra nice for Hoseok?"

"Why does it matter anyways?" Yerin suddenly pipes up, "Hoseok's so whipped for you that he'd love you in anything."

"What? I don't think that's right…" you say as you consider your options with unease, "Maybe I should take a chance and wear the pink dress…"

"Yes!" Mijoo crows with delight, "You've been saving that weapon since the goddamn date auction last semester. It's time to unleash that on us! We deserve it!"

You chuckle at her dramatic statement, "Okay… Maybe I should wear it… But isn't it a little too… pretty for me? I don't think I can pull it off…"

"Oh, don't say that, ___!" Yerin says, "I'm also wearing a long dress, and mine is also glittery!"

Both you and Mijoo turn to her in surprise, "Wait, you're going to the ball, too?"

"Yep. I'm officially a member of the sorority now, too, remember?" She cheerfully informs you.

"Ah, that's right," you say with a fond ruffle of her hair, "My adorable little sister… So glad you picked me as your big sis over Mijoo," you whisper in a conspiratorial voice.

"I heard that!" you pretty brunette roommate exclaims in outrage.

"Sorry, babe," you chuckle, "But my cute baby and I are perfectly suited for each other! That's why we're even wearing matching dresses to the ball, huh?"

"That's right!" Yerin happily chirps, "I want to be exactly like ___!"

"Good girl!" you coo as you reach over to scratch her under the chin.

But then Mijoo frowns, "Wait a minute… I understand that you can go to the ball now as a sister… But who did you invite as your date?"

"Oh Sehun."

You and Mijoo exchange a confused look, "Huh?"

"Who?"

"The EXO brother, remember?"

"Ooh," you say as realization dawns upon you, "The fuckboi who helped us home? Why would you ask him, Yerin?"

"Yeah, didn't he like ___?" Mijoo adds, confused.

The younger girl flushes pink at that reminder, "Y-yeah… But he was really cute… and I wanted to do something nice for him to thank him for carrying me back to the dorms…"

But Mijoo still looks perplexed, "Wait but if he likes ___, why would he agree to go with you?"

Yerin sheepishly scratches the back of her head, "… I may or may not have told him that ___ was going to be there… and that I'd try to set them up…"

You groan in annoyance, "Why, Yerin?! You know as well as I do that that little fuckboi doesn't actually like me!"

The blonde girl looks up in surprise, "Wait he doesn't?"

"Of course not! He doesn't know the slightest thing about me. He's just thirsty and trying to get in my pants, because he thinks of me as this wild party animal… or party hotdog… Either way, it's not real."

"Really?" Yerin says with her eyes as wide as saucers, "That's all it takes to get a guy to like you?"

You glance at her harshly, "Is that all you got out of that?!"

"I like Sehun," Mijoo suddenly pipes up, "He's got a great ass. Granted, it's not as bouncy as my Chimchim's, but at least it's better than that pancake ass of Yoongi's. I support you, Yerin."

"What?!" you exclaim in horror, "Mimi! Not you too!"

"Don't worry, ___," Yerin says as she kindly pats your hand, "You still have Hoseok. And he has the ass of a Greek god."

"… oh my god, you guys…"

"Speaking of that Greek god… Isn't he coming over any minute now?" Mijoo kindly reminds you.

Your jaw drops, "Shit!"

***

Fifteen minutes later, you find yourself decked in your floor-length pink tulle dress as Mijoo and Yerin flutter around you, trying to plaster you with as much makeup as they can manage before Hoseok gets to the house. But all too soon, you receive the dreaded text announcing his arrival.

I'm downstairs!

That sets the girls into a state of panic. Mijoo almost rubs lipstick all over your face in her haste to apply it, and Yerin nearly breaks your big toe trying to shove your feet into borrowed heels. And you can only sit there the whole time, too scared to move with your heart racing a thousand beats a minute. You've never been so dolled up in your entire life, and for a moment, you feel so helplessly self-conscious that you consider feigning an illness and calling this whole thing off. But somehow, you force yourself to rise to your feet and numbly make your way downstairs. Because you can't allow yourself to keep hiding behind your insecurities. You have to channel Hyejin and move on with your life.

Your feet hurt with every step and your dress is a bit too tight—making it a struggle to even breathe, but when you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror on your way out, but can't deny that you look good. Hell, this is probably the best you've looked in your entire life. The cut of the dress emphasizes your figure and the heels make your legs look miles long. Hell, even the makeup is flawless and highlights your best features. For once in your life, you're showing off rather than hiding, and you feel so good about yourself that you feel like you're floating…

But your tenuous ego immediately shatters when Hoseok takes one look at you and bursts into laughter.

"Oh my god!" he laughs, doubling over and clutching his stomach from the hilarity, "What are you wearing?!"

You self-consciously tug down your dress and suck in your tummy, "What? Is it really that bad?"

"No," he says once he calms down enough to rub the tears from his eyes, "It's just that… It's not like you."

"Oh…" you feebly say, "I was… just trying something new? I guess that it didn't work then…"

"No, you're pretty no matter what you wear," he says with an award-winning grin, "But this just doesn't suit you… Did you lose a bet or something?" he chuckles.

You timidly smile back. Of course this doesn't suit you. You're the ugly tomboy who needs to hide behind her oversized hoodies and sweatpants. You must look like a pig in a dress, all dolled up like this. "Ah… maybe I should go change then…"

"Nah," Hoseok laughs, "We're late, and you've put in all this effort anyways, so why not?"

Somehow, the way he says this makes you feel even worse. And you want nothing more than the ground to open up and swallow you whole. "Alright," you murmur in a small voice, "Let's go."

***

As always, the sorority's annual ball is held in the swanky hotel downtown. Hoseok seems unimpressed by the decor, but this is your first time attending this particular event, and you're blown away by all the glamor.

The ballroom is enormous, with vast marble floors and high ceilings illuminated by golden, shimmery lights. It's like a scene straight out of a fairytale with the colorful dresses bursting across the dancefloor and the men in their dapper suits. Only, you don't feel like Cinderella. Next to all the goddesses decked in silk, you feel like the ugly stepsister. And the handsome Prince Charming escorting you to the ball only makes you feel a million times worse in comparison.

"Is there something wrong?" Hoseok interrupts your thoughts with a hand pressed to the small of your back.

You flinch from his touch, "Nothing," you lie, "I just need a drink."

***

"So…" you awkwardly attempt to make conversation a few minutes later, when you and Hoseok settle down with your drinks at a table, "How's recruitment going? Did you make a decision yet?"

"I'm leaning towards Seoul team," he informs you, "But I might spend a few months training with the national team first… but of course, you must know all about this," he says with a laugh.

You look up in surprise, "I would?"

"Yeah. A sports fanatic must've heard all about this news ages ago."

It takes you a second to realize that he's not joking. So you force a smile and lie along, "Ah, that's right. I already knew. But I wanted to give you a chance to tell me. Although any decision you make is sure to be great!"

He grins at that, "See, this is why I like you so much. It's hard to find a girl who's so informed about the sport, yet so chill about everything."

"Haha, you know that's me," you say, praying that he doesn't notice how fake your laugh is. He is so wrong about you that you don't even know where to begin. And maybe it's time to come clean to him about everything. You're not that lowkey, cool girl that he thinks… And if you ever want to get anywhere with him, you should start by telling the truth…

But before you can make up your mind, a loud voice calls out your name, "___! You got here quick!"

You grin at Mijoo and Jimin, grateful for their sudden appearance as you jump from your seat to give them enthusiastic hugs, "Hey guys! Oh my god, you look amazing!"

And you're not lying. With her sleek royal blue dress and her rich brown hair cascading down her back in curls, she looks more like a movie star at a red-carpet premiere or a storybook princess. And Jimin looks just as good at her side in his dark suit that highlights every angle of his slim body, with a matching blue tie to complement her dress.

"Thanks!" Your roommate beams, spinning in a wide circle to show off her dress, fragrant curls flying everywhere.

"Oh my… I'm in love. Please forget about Jimin and run off with me," you tease.

"Hey, watch it!" Jimin laughs as he wraps an arm around Mijoo's waist to tug her to him.

"Can you blame me?" you shoot back, "I mean, my precious Mimi is always pretty, but today she's as sparkly as an angel!"

Mijoo blushes and preens from the attention, but next to you, Hoseok shifts in discomfort. "Do you girls really care about this stuff…?" He whispers this under his breath, so that only you can pick up on it, but the damage has been done.

You hastily clear your throat, "Um… By the way, where's Yerin?"

"Oh…" Mijoo's expression darkens at once, "She and that EXO punk are over there…"

You glance over to where she's pointing, and sure enough, there's that tall frat brother propped up against the bar next to a leggy blonde in an ultra-tight red sequined dress. You blink a few times before you finally recognize the blonde, "Yerin?!" And then you're running over as fast as your painful heels will allow.

Your lil sis turns around at the sound of her name, and your jaw drops in scandalized horror as you take in her plunging neckline. "Oh, ___. There you are!"

You stand there, numb, as she gives you a big hug. "Yerin… I—what are you…? What is this?!" you splutter as you stare at the slit of her dress that reaches her upper thigh, threatening to reveal her panties at any second.

"Oh, I just bought this dress! Isn't it nice?"

"It's amazing," Sehun immediately answers for you, drooling like a dog over her bare skin, "You're so beautiful."

"What?! Don't look at my baby like that, you yogurt-slinging cheese—"

Mijoo hastily slaps a hand over your mouth before you can continue any further, "Ah, what ___ is trying to say is that she's a little surprised by your outfit choice, but you look gorgeous, Yerin."

Shocked by her misrepresentation, you struggle in her arms, but the taekwondo black belt is a lot stronger than you anticipated, and you can only splutter incoherently against the palm of her hand.

But unfortunately, your dramatic antics make Sehun notice you for the first time. His brow creases into a frown as he looks you up and down. "Hotdog girl?!" He says in amazement, "What the hell are you wearing?!"

And with that final blow, you fall limp in Mijoo's grip, numbly allowing her to drag you away. What's so bad about your outfit that you have every former admirer turning away in disgust? God, what were you even thinking?

"Don't be like this," Mijoo whispers to you as she drags you to the other side of the ballroom, "Yerin's an adult woman. She can wear whatever she wants. I didn't expect you to slut-shame like this."

"I'm not," you feebly mutter as you slump your head against her shoulder, "I just didn't like how that fuckboy was looking at her."

The pretty brunette chuckles, "Jealous that he's diverted his affections elsewhere? Sure, maybe he had a harmless crush on the wild hotdog girl, but you've got to admit that Yerin has easily blown you out of the water with her whole Jessica Rabbit act. You stand no chance."

"That's not it," you sigh, "I just hope she's making the right decision trying to seduce such a fickle fuckboy. Is it so wrong that I want her to be with someone who likes her for her? Not just because she's showing a lot of skin?"

"These boys are all stupid," Mijoo patiently reassures you, "They think that if a girl gets up on a stripper pole in a hotdog costume, or dresses in a certain way, that they're easy. Our Yerin will just have to prove him wrong and put him in his place, huh?"

"Yeah… you're right. I just hope that she makes the right decision."

"There's nothing we can do, ___. We've just got to trust her."

You pause for a moment to allow the words to sink into you. Then you sigh loudly, "Where did the guys go, by the way? I need a drink… And I know we're at a fancy ball or whatever, but I demand that we take shots."

Mijoo laughs at this, "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, babe. I think Jimin and Hoseok are over there by the bartender."

"Right," you say, following as she begins to lead you over. But then you pause, "Wait, Mijoo… Can I ask you a question?"

She stops to look over at you with curiosity, "Sure. What's up?"

You hesitate for a moment, gnawing on your bottom lip as self-doubt overcomes you. But you bite the bullet and continue, "Is this dress really that ridiculous on me?" You ask in a small voice, eyes lowered to avoid eye contact.

Mijoo's guffaw brings you out of the shadow of doubt, "What are you even talking about? You look beautiful."

And with that, your mouth splits into your first genuine smile of the night. "Thanks, babe."

"Of course. Now are we gonna go or what? Those tequila shots aren't gonna drink themselves!"

You laugh in delight as you take her hand and skip across the elegant ballroom, attracting stares from all the other party-goers.

***

An hour later, and your heels are killing you so much that you have to abandon all attempts at dancing to sit at a side table and nurse your bruised feet. On the dance floor, Mijoo and Jimin are still going at it, swaying gently to the beat of the music. You watch them with fondness, wondering when it will be your turn. But instead, you're stuck on the sidelines with shoes that don't fit.

"Should I just take you home?" Hoseok asks with an amused smile as he watches you take off your heels for the umpteenth time that evening.

"Ah, do you mind?" you ask, "I'm so sorry, Hoseok. This is unfair to you…"

"Nah," he says with a good-natured laugh, "I had fun… but next time, just be yourself, okay?"

That strangely worded statement makes you pause, "Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"I mean, you don't have to dress like this," he laughs as he playfully tugs at the pink tulle of your dress, "It's really not like you. I'm not sure if you lost a bet or something, but don't let your friends push you around like this."

He's so wrong that you can't speak for a moment. This entire time you thought that Hoseok was different. That he actually knew the real you, and appreciated you for it. Could it be that you had been wrong this whole time…?

You shake these useless thoughts out of your mind. There is a time and a place for everything, and it's clearly not here. All you want to do is go home and kick off your shoes to give your poor, crushed toes some much needed relief.

But of course, nothing goes to plan, and on your way out of the door, the two of you are intercepted by a furious woman on a mission.

"Jung Hoseok!" She cries out, making you both freeze in your tracks, "What the hell?!"

You slowly whirl around on your heel to find Somin standing before you, looking beautiful in her pearl pink satin dress, but majorly pissed off. Next to you, Hoseok's face folds into a grimace.

"Ah… Somin… You're here, too?"

"Yes, and I cannot believe you, you asshole!" She fumes, "You told me that you were too busy to come to the ball with me when I asked you a whole fucking month ago! And now I find you here with ___? With her? Are you fucking kidding me?!"

At the mention of your name, you awkwardly shuffle a few feet back, wishing that you could turn invisible. This is a conversation that you clearly should not be apart of… But there's no escaping now…

"I dunno… I guess my schedule just cleared up," Hoseok attempts to make an excuse for himself.

"Bullshit!" Somin practically shouts at him, "How are you such a lying piece of shit?! You couldn't even think of a better excuse? Did I ever even mean anything to you?!"

Hoseok cringes at the volume of her voice and nervously glances around the ballroom, as though fearful of causing a scene, "Shh. Don't yell. It's really not like that…"

"Not like what?!" She shoots back, undeterred, "You couldn't be bothered to even come up with more than just a half-assed excuse? What am I to you? Just a fucking toy that you can throw away whenever you want?"

The handsome redhead runs a hand through his hair, clearly distressed by all of this, "Come on, Somin. You knew from the beginning that we were just having fun, nothing more. There's a reason why I didn't want to get all caught up in feelings…"

But the sports reporter simply stares at him with cold, expressionless eyes, "If you think that's the reason why I'm upset, then you're truly an idiot."

Hoseok's eyes widen in surprise, "Somin, wait!"

She shakes him off with a dismissive wave of her hand, "I don't need this toxicity in my life. So don't you dare ever speak to me again, Jung Hoseok." And with that, she turns to march away with exaggerated stomps of her platform heels.

The two of you watch her strut away in stunned silence. This has got to be one of the most awkward situations of your life. You almost feel like the other woman, caught in an illicit affair.

Hoseok picks up on your discomfort, and turns to offer you a half-hearted smile, "Sorry you had to witness that."

You hold both hands up, "No, not at all. Although, honestly, this whole thing seems to be due to a small mistake… Maybe you just forgot to tell her… right?"

"Yeah," he sighs, "It was obviously just a misunderstanding… I don't know why she had to be so dramatic and call me out in public like that… Geez. This is why I don't fuck around with girls like that. I should've known better…"

Something about the way he says that sounds a bit… off… You know that you should just mind your own business and move on… but you can't help but prod a bit. "Girls like that?" you ask, curious, "What exactly do you mean by that?"

"You know," he says with a roll of his eyes, "Overly dramatic, high-maintenance girls like her… What was I even thinking?" he says with a self-deprecating chuckle.

But you can't laugh along. Because next to him, your blood has frozen to ice. "Y-you think Somin is high-maintenance?" you croak out in disbelief.

"Yeah," he sighs, "I really can't stand it… Everything is about touchy-feely shit, and nail polish, and color-coordination with her," he laughs, "What a headache! I'm so glad that I've found a real girl, like you."

"A real girl?" you repeat in a quiet voice, "What does that mean?"

"You know, someone who keeps it real. Who isn't so caught up with frivolous, girly bullshit. You're just super chill. And that's what I like about you." He ends his statement with a wide, infectious smile, as though he's just given you the greatest compliment on earth.

But you can't bring yourself to crack a smile even if you tried. Because it feels like your world has flipped upside down. Belatedly, you realize that you should've known this all along. All the signs were there, from the way he laughed at your dress, or the way he praised your interest in kickboxing on top of the roof, all those months ago. Hell, you should've known from the moment you met him, when he was so unreasonably impressed by your lack of makeup. Were you really so blind? Or did a secret part of you, deep down inside, know all along?

For a split second, you consider feigning ignorance. It would be so damn easy to laugh along with him and continue living this lie of being the cool, sporty tomboy who doesn't care about stupid "girly" things. After all, Hoseok isn't a bad guy. He's so handsome, popular, and kind. And he likes you. Someone actually likes you. Isn't that better than being alone? For a split second, you're tempted to grab his hand and flash him an award-winning smile. For a split second, you contemplate giving up all your morals and living a life of comfort with this lovely, charismatic man.

But you can't.

So you take a deep breath through your nose, eyes squeezing shut for a millisecond, before you open them to stare him straight in the eyes, "Hoseok… Do you know why I'm not like those other girls?" you ask him in a soft voice, "Do you know why I don't wear makeup or frilly dresses or bombard you with my emotions?"

Hoseok seems a bit taken aback by your strange line of questioning, but attempts to respond, regardless, "Um… Because you don't care about such dumb things?"

You throw your head back with a bark of laughter, "No, that's not it at all."

Hoseok's brow creases with confusion, "Huh? Then why?"

"Because I'm insecure."

That only makes him more confused, "What? What are you even talking about?"

"You have completely misunderstood me. I am not that confident, chill girl you think I am. The only reason why I don't wear makeup and pretty dresses like Somin is because I am so fucking insecure about myself that I don't think I can pull it off. But if I could, you bet your ass I'd be wearing princess gowns with my face contoured like a fucking Instagram model every single day of my life."

The handsome redhead staggers back in shock, "I… I don't understand what you're saying, ___."

But you simply step forward, not allowing him to escape your clutches, "The cool girl you thought I was? The unaffected tomboy who watches sports and drinks with the guys and doesn't give one shit about emotional garbage? She doesn't exist. This ideal woman is a figment of your imagination. And I'm not going to bend over backwards pretending to be someone I'm not. Especially not for a sexist."

"Sexist?" he repeats in horror, "The fuck are you talking about?! I'm no sexist!"

By his offended reaction, you can tell that he genuinely does not understand the error of his problematic views. So you try to break it to him as gently as possible, "Feminism is about respecting and empowering women, Hoseok. You can't just pick and choose which women you want to respect. That's not how it works. If you can only respect certain women for being 'cool' and 'chill' and basically acting like men, while condemning the rest for being too 'girly,' then that's the literal definition of misogyny."

Hoseok looks utterly horrified and outraged by the accusations, "Are you fucking serious?! That's not what I meant at all! You're twisting my words, ___. Let me—oh come on! Where are you going?"

"To catch my uber," you say as you march past him.

He desperately grabs you by the arm before you can go out the door, "Wait—let me explain myself!"

But you jerk out of his grip as though you've been burned, "Don't you dare touch me, Jung Hoseok," you hiss through your teeth.

"I'm sorry! I just—come on, just let me explain myself! It's really not like that!" He exclaims in frustration.

"I think I've heard enough," you curtly retort, "I think I'll channel Somin and cut the toxicity out of my life."

And without sticking around to listen to the rest of his excuses, you rush out of the ballroom into the safe haven of your waiting uber.

***

By the time you finally make it back to the sorority house, you feel like you've aged ten years. Your hair is flat and messy, your skin dull, and your blistered feet are burning from the pain of standing in your cramped heels. Most of all, you feel mentally drained from that exhausting conversation with Hoseok. All you want to do is to strip of your tight, itchy dress and wash your face of the thick makeup. And when you're finally in bed, hidden under the covers, maybe the heaviness around your heart will finally dissipate.

But like always, luck is never on your side. And when you walk up the driveway to the front of the house, you find Jungkook sitting on the front steps waiting for you.

He jumps up immediately at the sight of you, "___!" He calls out, "I… I… um… You look beautiful."

You stiffen for a second, eyes wide as though you've just seen a ghost. Never in a million years would you have ever predicted this outcome. Hell, you thought you'd never see him again after the very public call out in the frat house a few weeks ago. And yet, here he is, standing in front of you with lights shining in his brown doe eyes, as though the humiliation of the last month never happened.

Suddenly, you feel a thousand times heavier.

It hurts to see him. The incident in the frat house is practically old news by now, but the time doesn't ease the pain one bit. And seeing him in the flesh again just tears apart your wounds anew.

You sigh deeply, whole body sagging with exhaustion, "I don't know what you're here for, but I'm tired, Jeon."

"Wait, ___!" He exclaims, jumping to block your path when you try to walk around him. "Please! I promise this won't take that long!"

You sigh again. Whatever this is, it's clear that you won't be getting any sleep until he finishes. So you cross your arms tightly over your chest and turn to shoot him the dirtiest look you can muster, "You have five minutes."

Jungkook seems slightly taken aback by your gruffness, but hastens to make use of his time, "Okay, okay… I just… I'm here to apologize, okay?"

You simply hum in response and glance down at your cell phone for the time, "Cool."

He winces at your reaction and tries again, "I'm really sorry, ___. I was an asshole, and you have every right to be mad at me… And I would do anything to make it up to you."

That unexpected statement catches your attention. Your eyes shoot up to meet his in surprise. He's not saying what you think he's saying… right? "Jungkook…" you murmur, "I don't understand…"

His teeth dig into his bottom lip, and for a moment, he looks so frightened and unsure of himself that you almost feel sorry for him, "I just… I miss you, okay? I'll do anything—literally anything you want—to have you back again."

Your heart skips a beat, and for a moment, you can't even breathe from all the euphoria flooding your veins. Can this actually be real? Jeon Jungkook is actually in front of you, confessing everything you've ever wanted to hear from him and more? You're not just dreaming, right?

It's almost an out-of-body experience having all your dreams come true, and for a moment, you float out of your body, watching the scene of the groveling boy begging for the girl back from a distance. It's like a scene out of any drama. You can vividly imagine yourself running into his arms and never letting go. Then the two of you can ride off into the sunset and have your happily ever after. And you'll finally get your turn at playing the princess of the story.

It's all you've ever wanted… isn't it?

After a long second of tension, you slowly release the breath you didn't realize you were holding to approach him with small, cautious steps. Jungkook watches your every move with huge eyes, apprehension written across every feature. And when you reach up to gently caress the sharp angle of his jaw, he visibly relaxes… until you bring your lips to his ear and tell him:

"No thanks."

Jungkook tenses at once, like you've slapped him, "Wh-what?"

You smile faintly at him as you continue to trail your fingertips up and down his jawline, "I don't want you to do anything I want. Do you really think I'm that type of person to manipulate a guy into a relationship that he clearly doesn't want? Think again, Jeon."

His eyes widen as he processes your words, "B-but, it's not like that!" he stammers, "You're not manipulating me. You want a relationship and titles and all that? That's fine! I… I'm genuinely willing!"

"Yeah… but that's not enough," you murmur, echoing something that he told you in bed all those months and months ago.

Jungkook stares at you in utter disbelief, unable to conceal his panic, "I… I don't understand what you want from me!" he despairs, "Seriously, ___. Tell me anything, and I'll do it. I'll grovel at your feet for a decade if that means I can have you back!"

But still, you shake your head and smile, "Yes, you're willing. But that's not enough for me… Tell me what you actually want, Jungkook."

He can't comprehend your words for a moment, "I… I want anything you want?" he offers, hopeful that it's what you're looking for.

But you only laugh, "No, tell me the truth, Jungkook, and I might go easy on you: In an ideal world, where you could have everything you wanted with no consequence… would you want me to be your girlfriend?" At the very sound of that word, Jungkook involuntarily grimaces, giving himself away at once. You sigh deeply and drop your hand from his face. "I see…"

Horrified by his own reaction, Jungkook rushes to redeem himself, "Well, it's not what would happen in my perfect world, but I don't mind it! Seriously. I can be anything that you want me to be!"

"But do you want it, too?"

That single question knocks him out. He's silent for a moment, eyes wild with dread and hands clenched to fist. "N-no," he finally grits out in a shaky voice.

It's as you expected, yet it doesn't hurt any less. You offer him a tight smile, "Ah, I see. Thank you for being honest, Jungkook."

"Wait, ___!" He calls out your name, panicking when you move past him to the front door, "I didn't mean that—I just—"

But you stop him in his tracks with a hand pressed against his chest, "We're just in different places right now," you inform him in a small voice, "It'll never work out, so please don't make this harder than it needs to be."

With that, you render him speechless, and this gives you the opportunity to slip under his arm and run into the house, eyes shut tightly so that you can't see his expression of pain. Because you're weak. And if you do, you might hesitate. And then, it'll be too late.

So you run up to your room, carelessly flinging your shoes off without stopping for a moment. And it's not until you're huddled in your bed, piles and piles of blankets stacked on top of you to block out any light, that you finally allow yourself to breathe.

You've gone and done it this time. Two perfectly respectable guys in the span of a single evening… All because you couldn't compromise. Because you want more than you deserve. And what did you expect? That someone would actually like you for you and want to be with you?

You're asking for too much. And that's why you'll always be alone. But that's okay, because you have your Ice Bitch reputation to maintain…

Somehow, you convince yourself that it's better this way.

***

Author’s Note: Please don’t ask me about updates!

Also, when I was planning this fic back in sept 2017, this is the furthest I had gotten with my brainstorming, so everything past this chapter is uncharted territory, and I’m both scared and excited aklsdfjlksd Wish me luck, guys :D 

#bts scenarios #bts scenario #jungkook scenarios #jungkook #jungkook fanfic #new rules #kljlsjflksdf i cant believe it took me so long

[quitethepirategal]

Alphabet Headcanons!

List a headcanon that correlates with each letter of the English Alphabet. Can you list that many? It’s harder than it looks! Any tidbit of information counts, from the simplest fun fact to the lengthiest lore!

A - Red Jessica is an Aries. Her moon sign is Taurus and her rising is Leo. She’s also a cusp baby, giving her Pisces leanings.

B - She has quite a few books in her massive library, but her favorites are The Art of War, Anthony and Cleopatra, On the Origin of Species, The Prince, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, Frankenstein, and Treasure Island. She reads more textbooks than anything else tho. She really wants to like Jane Austin but she just... can’t.  ( unrelated, I was trying to figure which Shakespeare play would be Jess’s fav and found this. Y’all I screamed. )

C - Cats are her favorite animal. Any kind of cat. The grace, the lore, the silliness, the toe beans; they’re majestic little idiots and she loves them. She has two of her own. Sasha and Rosie. Jessica’s loved cats since she first made friends with one as a very little girl and she remembers every cat she’s ever had or been friends with.  Her first cat was an alley cat that followed her around that she uncreatively named Katjie

D - Dutch Afrikaans and English are her native languages, she grew up speaking both. However, she hasn’t really needed to speak Afrikaans since her mother died, and is no longer fluent as a result. Her first word was “Ahoy” but her second word was “geld.”

E - Red Jessica has some ridiculous eating antics, as a result of living in starvation from birth to late childhood and living as a pirate from then on.  She can bite directly into onions and garlic cloves as if they were apples, will eat ( or save ) the bones and fat of any meaty meal, can eat an entire apple- core included, loves to eat or chew on citrus peels and raw herb leaves, has a somewhat high tolerance for both spicy things and alcohol, and, like all pirates, has learned to tolerate most rotten/stale/moldy/expired food.  On top of that, her pursuit in studying biology and botany crowns her as probably the ONLY person in all of the Neversea who knows what nutrition is and how it works. Also eating avocados make her ears itch.

F - One of Jessica’s signature mannerisms is putting her fists up by her face. When excited or overjoyed she’ll shake them and when shes shy she’ll kind of hide her smile with them. She rests her chin on her fists, holds them still by her jaw when waiting in suspense, and its immediately where her fists fly to when startled or snuck up on ( with the exception of when shes armed, to which her hands fly to her hilt or holster ).  This mannerism makes complete and total sense considering shes a trained kick boxer.

G - Gardening is her absolute favorite stress reliever and you can pry it from her cold dead hands. Just bury your problems in the dirt my dude.

H - Her curly ginger hair is certainly one of the first things you notice about her and she takes very good care of it; a wash every two days, plenty of oils, vinegar once a week for dandruff. Her curl type is 3a.

I - Red Jessica is a closeted artist and frequently engages in illustration, and while this mostly comes in handy for taking illustrative botanical notes, her other favorite subject is the human figure. Specifically, the human figure of people she finds attractive or has a crush on.  And if you ask she’d be happy to try and draw you! Though she isn’t what you would call amazing she is somewhat talented- with her drawings having very technical, anatomical, and minimalist influences. She also like to sketch pastoral scenes when out in her fields.

J - Jessica was a name her father picked out, naming her after his first love.

K - She remembers her first kill. At 13 she was involved in a skirmish and lunged at a man out from under a table with a rapier. She remembers the exact look on his face, and recalls it with pride. First kill is a right of passage to pirates.

L - Jessica’s love language is all over the place, but can be narrowed down to gifts, words, and quality time. Arrogant suitors, take note because Jess will literally never shut up about you; she will brag about you, remind you of your achievements, praise you for your talents, be proud of you, will show you off, insist to EVERYBODY that you’re the best, and in some cases, spoil you.  This goes for friends too, of course but this all goes especially for whoever she has a crush on or is courting her. She JUST!! LOVES STROKING PEOPLE’S EGOS!! Speaking of spoiling, she’s a total gift giver.  No reason or occasion needed whatsoever; she is the QUEEN of  “ I was thinking of you so I got you a little something.”

M - Jessica is really really weird when it comes to materialism.  At a first glance, shes as avaricious as they come. She hoards beauty in the form of an art collection that graces her fine chateau’s halls and eminence gardens of gorgeous flowers.  She is a little crazy about treasure too, never missing an opportunity to treasure hunt, and has been known to loan-shark a time or two.  But in actuality, as made apparent through getting to know her, she isn’t really greedy or possessive at all.  Yes she loves pretty things and yes she is great at making money but believe me when I say that she is in the treasure hunt for the hunt more so than for the treasure.  Were she somehow to loose it all, money, island, treasure, everything, she’d be more concerned that whoever took her priceless art won’t take care of it.  In the best laid plans of mice and men, Jess is totally a mouse.  She’s lived the majority of her life owning nothing but the clothes she had on so, she’d just cut her losses and start over… come to think of it being wealthy is a bit boring…

N - Jessica has never been to Neverland. In my canon, only one pirate ( Hook ) was brave enough to ever set foot on that cursed island. Red Jessica, like the rest of the neverpirates, are too afraid. Most heard tales of an unbeatable foe and that the island itself is watching you, and that’s enough to keep Jessica away.

O - Oranges are her all time favorite food. She’ll eat anything with orange in it. Second favorite is crab or lobster. Third is pineapple chili sauce.

P - Her Myers-Briggs personality type is ESTP- a, the Entrepreneur.

Q - Jessica was Dread Pirate Grace O’Malley’s quartermaster. There are 9 Dread Pirates in the Neversea, each one being a legendary pirate of old, and they have the power to grant only the most talented pirates among them recognized captainship.

R - Red Jessica is is short for Red Handed Jessica for no reason other than I am Peter Pan ( 2003 ) trash.

S - Red Jessica’s crew is a sisterhood of sorts. While she is authoritarian and a captain to be feared, Jessica is friends with everybody in her crew and trusts them with her life. Her ship, The Rose, is practically a floating sorority; complete with weird traditions, gossip, gag rivalries, inside jokes, hazing, and the occasional prank. She even aids in getting them dates ( pro wingman right here ) and babysits some of their kids. Granted, they haven’t done much sailing or piracy in some time. But they all live comfortable lives on Crimson Isle, and they’ll be ready to sail should the need arise.

T - Jessica tends to trust people a tad too quickly and “give too much away” so to speak. It’s gotten her into trouble and even gotten her heart broken a time or two; but for some reason she never learns. She’d like to think she’s great at keeping secrets and to a degree, she is… but I wouldn’t trust her with any of mine- that I will say.

U - Oppenheimer, a pirate in the crew of the Flying Frigate ( in the movie the Pirate Fairy ) is her uncle.

V - Jess finds that she spends most of her days in her vineyard. She’s perfected the growing of grapes and timely shipments of wine, but now shes tinkering with how different aspects of growth effect flavor.

W - Jessica, whether she’s aware or not, is capable of being attracted to women. But she’s never really had any female partners. She’s not homophobic and wasn’t raised in an environment that was homophobic ( pirates pretty much love and sleep with whoever they want to ) it’s just ...never occurred to her to date women. Most of the reasons as to why are subconscious maternal issues but in short, Jess already has difficulty separating different kinds of love. Friendship and romantic love kinda... feel the same. She really only knows how to love one way and she can never tell if a woman is being friendly or flirty, much less if SHE’S being friendly or flirty. For this reason I’ve always labeled her as a questioning bisexual or a heteroflexible...

X - Her most recent botanical experiments revolve around xenogamy, also known as cross pollination. And just to flex, she’s also a huge xenophile for both Spanish and Chinese culture.

Y - Yellow is her second favorite color after red. Pink is her third and emerald green is her forth.

Z - In Jake and the Neverland Pirates, we see a type of rose called a Zebra Rose. While no such flower exists in actuality, I’d like to believe this is a result of some of Jess’s experiments - the medicinal purpose being to combat itching and irritation. 

Tagged By  -  nobody

Tagging  - @emcads @shiningsilverarmor @ofrcvenge @hunterhuntcd @youthflight @rcinbowconnection @jesterabandoned @inhxrmony @captainxhaddock @forvistxkonge @mcnsieur and you!!!

#did i just waste two hours bc i had a dumb idea #.....yes #x; WHY AREN'T YOU A CLEVER ONE? { meta } #x; EVER PLAYED CRAZY EIGHTS? { dash games }

[intothespideyverses]

a modest reinterpretation of “andi’s choice” in c-minor (inspired by a post by @ambimack)

in which bowie ghostwrites a song, andi tries to go ghost on walker, and [insert third awful ghost pun here]: 

so bowie is actually ringing up customers for once at the music store that I figured rarely got business because helloo it’s always damn near empty but I guess today there was a surge of customers seeking out guitar picks and vinyls to show how Cultured and Unique they were for listening to the beatles or whomever. anyway jonah is on his guitar, doing as jonahs are wont to do, and bowie drops the bomb on him with “so yeah remember that music coach I told you about? she hates you. she quite frankly and literally wants you dead. she told me this herself. why didn’t you show up???” and jonah’s like “andi don’t fw me anymore :(” which isn’t rly an answer bc lbr here homeboy was ALREADY running late. you mean to tell me him staring at that painting took 4 whole minutes? nah. 

so anyway bowie’s like “hm let’s change that” bc manipulating your daughter’s emotions behind her back is cool I guess. bowie, totally not projecting in any way whatsoever, suggests that jonah write andi a song. jonah’s not about it tho. “I can’t talk about my feelings!” he says, which is true considering he only just started exhibiting negative emotions for the first time ever last week. bowie goes, “sure u can! what rhymes with back?” and jonah almost says “crack!” bc thats clearly what bowie’s been on for the past 2 episodes but lemme not.

anyway jump to andi @ the spoon and her boo thang who’s not rly her boo thang yet bc terri hates us is facetiming her again. “so andi, my wife whom I would die for, what’s up?” and andi replies “my best friend is moving away :(” so walker, the understanding king he is, goes “aw pick your head up queen, your crown’s falling :’)” and tells her to go be with her friends and something about a bubble machine idk but w/e we still stan.

buffy comes in w/ all the junk the ghc left at her house including a knockoff tamagotchi which seems kinda before andi’s time?? like she was supposedly 7 when she got it which would have been around 2010? but once again w/e we still stan. and buffy reads the recommendation letter cyrus’ mom wrote for him which seemed a tad incomplete. “I can’t believe my mom forgot to add three references, what a waste...” he sighs.

but walker comes in and andi’s like “tf didn’t u just tell me to drink bubble soap and be w/ my friends? what r u doing here?” and walker, the modern day da vinci, says “im here to draw ur friends as a going away present for your fellow queen, buffy” and buffy looks shooketh like hey if andi don’t want him go get him sis! 

so walker draws a louvre level artist rendering of the ghc and instead of appreciating the fact that walker could probably make an exact recreation of the mona lisa, andi’s like “*rolls eyes emoji* *sucks teeth emoji* now i got TWO of these little boys after me what the fuck -_-” but that doesn’t matter bc buffy and cyrus are LIVING for it. 

“im gay so clearly im the better sassy best friend, step tf back bitch”

“the sassy best friend stereotype was made for my black ass cyrus so if you think for even a second I won’t claim my rightful spot you are sadly mistaken”

“let me have this one thing buffy I can’t even say the word gay out loud on this damn show can I at least have this?? can I?”

buffy takes a sip of her virgin margarita and goes...

anyway back at the music shop, jonah has just finished practicing the song bowie ghostwrote for him. jonah’s like “great this is perfect for me to sing outside andi’s window” and bowie quite litcherally flips a table and goes “you rly thought u were gonna pull that corny shit??? what year is it?? 1985 called they want their courtship technique back lol what a loser” and jonah’s like hm perhaps he really is on crack but doesn’t say it out loud bc that would hurt bowie’s feelings :/. bowie says that he already booked jonah to perform at the open mic being held THAT NIGHT lmao and jonah just about has another panic attack bc what??

“what??” he asks bowie who is too busy thinking about him performing “you girl” to bex when they were younger to even remember who jonah even is. jonah’s quite honestly shitting himself and wondering what tf he’s going to do. “being around you” is cute and all but it doesn’t go nearly as hard as andi deserves, especially if he now has to compete with artsy fartsy walker who could probably redo the sistine chapel all by himself if he rly wanted to. “hm..........how can one convey how truly deep in their feelings they are for the one they love?” jonah asks the universe, bc hey it seems to always work for bowie. 

the universe responds by sending a speeding car full of college kids blasting aubrey graham’s newest hit single right into the storefront window. 

“that’s it!” 

jonah’s handing out flyers at the spoon and cyrus literally melts into a puddle and I’m pretty sure this is the first nod to his crush on jonah since he came out to andi wow. andi’s like “since when do u do anything aside from throwing a plastic disc?” and jonah’s like “last week 🤗"

they go to the open mic and some girlie is throwing it DOWN w/ her accordion but bowie being the uncultured swine he is, pulls her off the stage. “anywayyyy here’s our final performance and the only reason we held this show tonight, give a big round of applause to jonah beck!”

jonah walks out with his guitar and an amazon copyrighted product shaped like a portable speaker. bowie’s like 🤨 bc this was supposed to be an acoustic performance tf does he need a backing track for? jonah sits down on his lil stool and clears his throat. “alexa play ‘in my feelings, jonah beck cover’”. the device plays a track consisting of jonah’s angelic backing vocals, and our boy begins to strum his guitar. he opens his mouth to croon...

“trap...trap bowie bowie”

bowie’s chiseled jaw drops to dirty ass music shop floor. “this is...not what I planned.”

“this stuff’s got me in my feelings...gotta be real w/ it...”

the entire audience has a collective heart attack. 

“an-di, do u luv me? r u riding? say you’ll never ever leave from beside me, cause I want ya and I need ya, and I’m down for u always...”

buffy and cyrus catch whiplash from turning so fast to face andi. “the song’s about YOU bitch!”

andi shakes her lil head. “puh-lease, no it’s not”

cyrus, doing his best not to cry, says “he literally just said ur name but go off”

andi’s in denial bc eww j*n*h b*ck? singing a song? for her? disgusting. but jonah keeps singing his little heart out and the lyrics are more and more damning as they go on. 

“trap, trap bowie bowie...I buy you rice on a string cause you not that showy”

“art 101 cause u just like zoey”

“fuck he is singing about me...”

“fudge that netflix and chill what’s ur net-net-net worth?” jonah sings, hitting an impossible high note. queen of vocals. 

“you’re the only one I luv~~~” he serenades, serving us mariah carey level whisper notes. ariana is cancelled! our boy finishes the song, basking in the thought of how many careers he singlehandedly ended by performing at this small hole-in-the-wall music shop in bumfuck, utah. drake your days are numbered sis. 

everyone immediately deserts the shop en masse like did y’all see how fast they all left last episode?? damn. buffy and cyrus stay behind while andi is frozen sitting in her chair bc what the hell does one say to that. 

bowie goes up to jonah and is like “so um...that was...different.” and jonah responds “ikr! see, ‘being around you’ felt too old school, too...2002. idk why that year specifically, but idk it just sounds like it was written in 2002 for a completely different person, maybe even bex, but what do I know? im just your friendly neighborhood jonah beck.” bowie is shook. “anyway, do u think andi liked it?” bowie looks up to see his dorder who he’s more or less forgot about in favor of m*randa and demon child for the past couple of days walking in slow motion to the stage. how she was doing that was beyond him. “well, she looks like she’s about to cry so that’s either a very good thing or a very bad thing. ur on ur own now bud.” and he skidaddles to where bex is waiting. oh yeah bex was in this episode too I forgot. 

andi approaches jonah and he’s like “...so...song....you like?” and andi’s internally screaming bc everyone for the past several weeks has been pushing this relationship on her including jonah himself and now he just sung this song in front of all these ppl and now she pretty much HAS to kiss him so anyway ya she does. 

when she pulls away jonah blinks. “oh...dosche”

THE END. 

will andi finally break up with jonah for good? will jonah avoid copyright infringement for covering a drake song on disney channel? will bowie seek help for his crack addiction? find out next time on dragonball z!

#this is...several levels of terrible #andi mack

[mon-blanchetts]

Thieves Among Us (Part 4)

Let Jon have his armies and his devoted wildlings and the love of their people, she thinks. Let him have his dragon queen. She’s in possession of a secret, tragic as it may be, but at least it’s entirely her own. For Sansa, that’s more than enough. It has to be. Rated M; inspired by content from S7. Previous chapters can be found here.

A huge thanks to @alittlestardustcaught for beta reading this chapter!

We used to play in the godswood together when we were children, me and you and Robb and Theon. You remember that, don’t you?

Jon stared at the ancient face carved into the heart tree. That was what Sansa had asked him when they had been in the broken tower, when the tension in that small room had been thick enough to taste on his tongue. There she was, looking out towards the godswood with her back facing him, her body a tense line, her voice soft and wistful. It wasn’t enough to fool him—Jon knew that she was barely holding herself together, but he couldn’t undo what had been done. Worse, he didn’t what she was referring to—not then, not now. It rang true, was the thing, authentic, and yet for the life of him he couldn’t conjure any memory whatsoever to fit with her words. All those moons ago, Jon had assumed that he’d been too wrapped up in his intentions to think about anything else other than what he had to do, what he had to end, but lately his perceptions had altered. More and more, he realized that there were other things he couldn’t remember, a dark space in his consciousness where something ought to have been, but no longer was. It left him feeling unsettled and out-of-touch, but he had yet to mention it to anybody. Jon wanted to change that.

The winds were biting this afternoon, moving all around him in a way he thought somewhat uninviting. Despite all the layers he wore beneath his cloak, Jon never felt warm, whether he was inside or out. It wasn’t a bad thing to lament over—at least it kept him alert, sharp. Warmth lulled him to sleep, wrapped him with a false sense of hope and security. Not a soul on either continent was in a place to think that, him least of all.

 “Still praying to the old gods, are you now?”

 Beric Dondarrion’s voice was smooth like marble, a calming sound that seemed fitting for the place they stood in. Jon turned his back on the heart tree, taking in the man approaching him. “No more than I pray to all the other gods,” he replied.

 “Don’t believe in any of them, you mean?” Lord Beric smirked. “Not even the Lord of Light, who brought you back to life? Who chose you to be the Prince that was Promised?”

 Jon huffed in response. That damned prophecy, not to mention that damned title—why did he have to be part of it all? He was a survivor, first and foremost; all he could hope for was to see the world he knew make it through whatever was coming for all of them, but Jon knew he wasn’t the only one who believed that. The Red Witch was entirely at fault for this, and for that he was even more exasperated with her. Where she had disappeared to after she’d been given a private audience with Dany remained a mystery, but there was not a doubt in his mind she would find ways to stir up trouble wherever she was.

 “Maybe I don’t know what I believe in anymore,” he said, turning to the heart tree again. He tried to ignore the way his stomach throbbed to life again, just as it had when he woke this morn. “What I do know is that I’m here—I’m alive, and now there’s an undead army of thousands, maybe more, marching towards us…yet here I am, trying to convince myself and everyone around me that we can defeat them.” Jon knew it was the worst thing to say, but doing so had been strangely comforting. Remedial, almost, seeing as he’d wanted to let it out for ages.

 Behind him, Beric Dondarrion said nothing. Strange to think that this was likely the first instance they were making conversation, despite the fact that they had journeyed beyond the Wall together in order to gather proof of the Night King’s army of the Dead. A white walker had dealt him a near-fatal blow to his stomach when that horde of wights had ambushed his party, a stab wound that had gone deep. Even now, Jon could remember with vivid clarity how it felt, as if the blood in his veins had turned to ice while the enemy’s spear was lodged in his flesh—but there was something else to it as well, something that he didn’t have the chance to reflect on until he’d reached the safety of the Wall. Jon couldn’t explain it, but in that moment he felt as if he had lost a part of him, as if the white walker had ripped something vital out of him when it had pulled its spear back.

 Jon glanced over his shoulder. Lord Beric was studying the red leaves above him with his exposed eye, one gloved hand resting on the pommel of his sword. He had seen the man fight and drink and laugh, all the things that the living did, but there was always a haunted look in his eye that never went away, an emptiness that came through his voice no matter what he was saying. A shell of a man. That was what Beric Dondarrion was.

 “When was the last time you set foot in the godswood, Lord Beric?”

 The man snorted. “Barely even went to my own, back before everything went to shit.” He looked around, as if he was expecting someone else to be with them. “The people at the castle like to talk quite a bit. A fellow died here, no? That’s a travesty, in a sanctuary like this.”

 Jon nodded. “So the story goes. They found the corpse lying about, but there isn’t anyone who can explain what happened, not even the maesters.”

 “Was the man someone of importance?”

 “That depends who you ask,” he said, unable to hide the smirk that formed on his mouth. He turned his gaze down at the snowy ground beneath his feet. Jon tried to imagined the corpse lying before him, facedown in the snow just like Maester Payton and others had described. The body had been given to the flames shortly after the discovery, just like he’d ordered of every corpse in their midst. Sansa had seen to that.

 Beric Dondarrion cocked his head. “From the sound of it, you weren’t too taken by him. Am I right?”

 “Petyr Baelish was Lady Sansa’s guest, not mine,” he said, his voice hard, unforgiving. “I’ve a feeling there aren’t a great many who miss him, but I could be wrong.” Sansa’s face flashed through his mind and his wound throbbed with more fervor than before. She had written to him personally about the whole thing, a detached, sterile piece that arrived at Dragonstone by raven. Littlefinger is dead, his body found in the godswood, but nobody knows how he got there or what happened to him. We’ve burned the body. Squabbles have begun over his legacy. If she had experienced any grief of loss, it was completely missing in her letter.

 “One less corpse for the Night King to get his fucking hands on, that’s how I see it,” Lord Beric mused. He looked Jon straight in the eye. “Why did you ask for me, Your Grace?”

 It was a last resort, but Jon felt that someone who’d been through the same experience might understand. Was his predicament truly his own?

 “There are things I can’t remember,” he said, his eyes still focused on the face of the heart tree. “It’s just…at first, I thought it was only things that happened a long, long time ago, but now I’m realizing that there are more gaps in my memory, things that people discuss of recent that I can’t recall at all.” He let out a sigh, his breath floating before him.

 When Jon glanced at Lord Beric, his expression was unreadable. His stomach knotted inside him. Jon didn’t know what the man was thinking, wasn’t sure if he understood. Suddenly he felt foolish about the whole thing, angry at himself for requesting his presence here, a man he didn’t really know about.

 “You don’t get to come back the same,” Lord Beric said, upending the silence between them. “You forget things that happened in your life, and there’s no picking and choosing the memories that disappear. Those lost memories, though—you’ll never know how meaningful they were, anyway. You could say it’s a small mercy.”

 “That’s no mercy,” Jon protested. He wasn’t sure why, but he was oddly affronted by the man’s comment. He felt swindled, incomplete.

 Lord Beric lifted an eyebrow. “Isn’t it? Those memories you say you can’t remember—they could have all been bad ones, something sad or tragic. That’s not a terrible thing to have away with.”

 Jon scoffed. “I doubt the Lord of Light is benevolent enough to allow something as convenient as that.” He thought about what Sansa had made mention of in the broken tower. She had shrugged it off as soon as she realized that he didn’t know what she was talking about—she’d shrugged him off shortly after, but that hadn’t been a surprise at all—but her disappointment was discernible in that small chamber built high above the keep. Why had she brought up something that happened so long ago? Was it all to fill that ugly silence that pressed down on them while she came to terms with what he was doing, or was there more significance to it?

 “I thought you weren’t keen to believe in the Lord of Light,” his companion pointed out, tilting his head to the side to scratch beneath his chin. Jon said nothing.

 “Look at it the way a scale works. The Lord of Light puts you on one side, but there’s nothing else to put on the other side to make it balance. A life is owed, yours, but something has to give for you to come back. So a compromise is made. You get to come back, I get to come back, but we’re not the same people we used to be. Every course of action has a consequence.”

 Jon tried to swallow what Lord Beric had said “How much have you forgotten?”

 His companion shrugged. “I couldn’t tell you. Sometimes I do things I find myself questioning afterwards and wonder if it’s because it’s to do with who I was before. Besides,” he reached forward to touch the heart tree, almost reverently, “how do you know what’s lost to you if you didn’t have any knowledge about it in the first place?”

 An image of Sansa, splayed out beneath him, naked, her auburn hair spread over the pillow, her head tilted back in ecstasy to expose her beautiful throat. A better man wouldn’t have done what he did with her, despite Littlefinger’s own beliefs. It’s easy to fall in love with her, your sister, but even easier to fall in lust with. Any man able to withstand charms like hers might not be much of a man at all. Jon hadn’t been out to satisfy his lust, not while he’d been inside Sansa. He just wanted to help her forget, just like she had asked. Give me back a piece of home I’ve lost, Jon. Give me something to get lost in. A part of him knew that they were doing something wrong, filthy, but it had been too easy to push that away, too easy to forget the sanctity of their blood relations. And yet, Jon had taken Sansa to bed because he loved her. Perhaps it was that love that had become twisted when he had been brought back. Telling her he regretted it all when he didn’t had been a means to protect both of them, but it had ended up destroying what precious bond that they had forged, a bond that he realized could never be replicated or mended.

 He thought of all the people he placed his confidence in, Sam and Ser Davos and Tormund. Jon thought about Dany and the ironies that the gods enjoyed heaping on him. He had known her for such a short period of time, and yet the history they shared was probably enough to span an entire lifetime. War had the ability to make time stretch when it saw fit; it was no wonder that one experience felt like it happened ages ago. He had questioned his connection with Sansa based off what he thought he knew—he had questioned his connection with Dany because of what he didn’t. Were all of his follies also the work of the same god?

 “What goes through your mind, Your Grace?”

 Jon blinked once, twice. He looked at Lord Beric. “Nothing worth voicing out loud,” he said, offering the man a tight smile. The leaves rustled above their heads while the wind wailed, a sorrowful sound that seemed to go straight to his heart.

 “I’ll stay here then, if you’re finished with me,” his companion said, glancing at his surroundings. “Not a bad place after all, this.”

 Jon left Lord Beric on his own. His wound was throbbing again, but he ignored it. A small worry had been accounted for, but it hadn’t been lifted, not really. His sporadic bouts of amnesia still weighed him down along with the rest of his troubles, but it was a small comfort knowing that he wasn’t suffering alone. He didn’t think he agreed with Lord Beric’s philosophies, but he had none to offer, either.

 Every course of action has a consequence. That part was certainly true. There would have been consequences, severe ones, if he and Sansa hadn’t ended what it was they had, despite his own desires, despite hers. Littlefinger had veered too close to the truth, and Jon wasn’t sure how far the man would’ve gone with his suspicions, who else he would have passed them to. What if his lords had got wind of what he’d been doing with Sansa? His stomach twisted almost painfully from the thought. The King in the North, fucking his own sister. That’s how they would’ve all viewed it. Neither of them would have been able to hide behind the Stark name then. They would have been as corrupt as the Lannisters, as mad as the Targaryens, not a bit different than their enemies. What defense could either of them stand on, had their transgressions come to light? Would Sansa have wanted him then, knowing that he’d been an accomplice in her downfall?

 He almost didn’t notice the entrance of the crypts, nearly passing it entirely, but he stopped in his tracks. The last time he had been there, he’d looked to Ned Stark’s effigy for guidance and strength; Jon had merely glanced at the statue of Lyanna Stark without giving it any thought whatsoever. There wasn’t a reason to pause and reflect, nothing to linger on. Lyanna Stark had been a tragic figure, no doubt, but her presence had been muted in favor of the battles and victories he and his brothers were more interested in. If only he’d known differently. If only Ned had said something. He had promised though, hadn’t he? His uncle had promised to discuss more about it when he came back from King’s Landing, but how much would he have let on?

 Again and again, he dreamt of her. It was the same thing every time; always she would appear before him as a child, dressed in Stark gray, her eyes full of wisdom that wasn’t natural for her age. They both partook in that same game of hide-and-seek, that which he always lost because then Sansa would appear, always Sansa, completely oblivious to their presence, pulling out that casket from underneath her bed, its design so simple and nondescript that he couldn’t even begin to figure out what lay inside. It eluded him each time, its contents, despite the fact that he was always trying to see, always waiting for her to lift open the lid while Lyanna giggled behind the drawn curtains. Whenever he got close to finally satisfying his curiosity, darkness took hold of him and he found himself back in his own bed, frustrated and confused. Of all the things to grow mad about, it was being thwarted by his desires in a dream.

 A raven squawked somewhere behind him, shaking him out of his contemplations. He looked up, but only overcast skies looked back at him. Gray, like the colour of his mother’s dress when he dreamt of her, like the colour of his eyes. The colour of Sansa’s gowns.

 Something dawned on him. He hated looking back on their last conversation, considering the way he had ruined what could have well been his best chance at reconciliation, but he couldn’t ignore it any further. Sansa was hiding something. He had his suspicious even before that, but for the first time, Jon realized that she was keeping something from him. It was in the way she avoided him, the closed-off way she spoke with him when they happened to be alone. Jon thought her behaviour was in response to everything he had done wrong in her eyes, but something still didn’t sit right with him.

His wound was throbbing more strongly now, making it hurt when his stomach rose while he inhaled, and he wondered if it was going to re-open again, like it usually did. Sam would be as furious as he would be perplexed, but Jon couldn’t blame him for his reactions. Something wasn’t right about this injury; it was disquieting, to say the least, but not as disquieting as the thought that Sansa was hiding something from him. What was she hiding?

 Jon walked on, leaving the crypts behind him. As badly as he wanted to know, how would he ever find out? Not from Sansa, unfortunately. His heart constricted when he remembered how she stared at him coldly at the feast held the night before he had traveled to the Gift, together with Dany. Sansa didn’t attend the banquet that had been held after the feast; his eyes had been searching her out the whole time, until an observant attendant informed him that Lady Sansa had chosen to retire instead. No, Sansa wouldn’t tell him anything, even if he demanded it of her. If he really wanted to know what she was keeping from him, he’d have to find out through other means.

He didn’t mean to be here, not alone. Not without Sansa’s permission. Her bedchamber was her private sanctuary and he knew he was intruding upon it, but the moment he’d made the decision to slip through the space left by the open door, Jon knew that there was no going back on his intentions.

 Nothing had changed since he was last here; all of the furniture was still arranged in the same spot, tilted at the same angles. Everything looked as it should be. So why couldn’t he shake off the feeling that a great change had taken place? Why did something feel wrong in the air?

 Jon always remembered how warm it was in her bedchamber, even when there wasn’t a fire blazing inside the hearth; but he was always cold now, even here. He hadn’t come back beyond the Wall right, he realized more often than not. The fact that he felt no warmth, not to mention that damned wound on his abdomen that refused to heal properly, were the most obvious signs. He was afraid to learn what else might be wrong with him, what other thing might wear his resolve down just a little more.

 But, gods, he used to feel so warm in here. Jon was always warm when he had clung to Sansa like she was air—her hot, bare skin pressed tightly against his while he moved inside her to a rhythm that was exclusively theirs. And Sansa, achingly sweet and achingly beautiful, would match him with every thrust, chanting his name over and over and over again, an erotic hymn that brought about the most divine moment he had ever experienced. Jon screwed his eyes shut and drew in a shuddering breath, hoping to disarm the images that were shoving themselves to the forefront of his mind, but that only made things worse. More images flashed by with startling clarity: the curve of Sansa’s hips beneath his fingers, gripped so tightly for purchase that there would no doubt be a patch of bruises the next day—the little gasp that always came from her swollen lips just before her crisis washed over as reverently as his own did just a few beats later.

 Jon knew that his mind was playing games with him, no longer a faculty he had as much faith in these days, but he could’ve sworn that he could smell vestiges of their sexual transgressions, thick and heady, so potent that it made his head swim. But there was something else lingering in the air, too; even though everything looked fine, he was positive that he could grasp the metallic tang of blood. The realization served to remind him again why he had chosen to come here in the first place. He’d been dreaming that same dream night after night—dreaming of Sansa so often, of that casket she always pulled from beneath her bed—that he began to wonder if there was any truth behind it. The idea was ridiculous; the chances that Sansa actually had a casket that she hid in her bedchamber seemed slim to none, but Jon could never extinguish the possibility completely.  

 He could feel his heart hammering against his chest; Jon reached out towards one of the bedposts to steady himself, confused by the sudden terror that gripped him. What was there to be so scared about? So what if he did find something beneath Sansa’s bed—what if he did find the casket he had seen in his dream? What would she possible have in there that was worth mulling over to this extent? Jon didn’t have the right to be here; he didn’t have the right to any information that Sansa decided she wanted to keep to herself. Should that include the things that he might be involved with?

 What are you hiding from me, Sansa?

 The silence in the room rang in his ears in a way he didn’t think possible; he felt as if his heart was trying to escape from his chest. Desperate to quell the panic that was growing, Jon walked to the side of the bed that Sansa always stood in his dream before he sank to his hands and knees, the cold floor against his palms sending a jolt through his body.

 He ducked his head beneath the bed frame. Everything was just a dream. Only a dream, and nothing more.

 There was nothing.

AN: If you got this far, I just want to say thank you for sticking it out with me. I don’t know how interesting this story is now that Season 7 has aired, but it’s where I’m getting all the inspiration to write, and I’m going to ride that high until it wears out, which I hope isn’t soon, because I do want to finish this story, bloody hard as it is. I also want everyone to know that the light is coming, but it time was needed. Again, thank you so much for reading; your feedback and comments are the absolute best a writer can hope for!

#jon x sansa #actuallyjonsa #jonsansaff #jonsansasource #gotfic #don't even know if this story's relevant anymore #but I had way too much written for Part 4 that I knew I had to release it in some shape or form #thieves among us #writings

[magnificentcolormoneywagon-blog]

Note

🌏🌎🌍🐾🌐™😎CrEaTiOn'S

What is life:

As it is for I asleep slept far always and as it was searching and fine as it is like my mine. As if is it I stood as it is and grown a crown toward althoughts to be aware off to be into out pull in and out to be open in one way.

As there is spirit. For a spirit that is spirits come to be these end. So of these spirits grow up to be into it for faraway.

Ah. This spirit is a spirits that is name as it is as the spirit of one spirits So much complain. Great spirits is off with spirit do much again against these train. Spirits so of my spirits So many is named. Oh boy.

It's a lonely time that it is off as it is and what you have to be for this DAY that is in my control off to a life that is off to be end.

These spirits are like wise my spirits these are to tales as they are once twice interest rested onto all thoughts of the best night to followers that their names have been spoken to open in the best record of life.

And my name is in these plea that I would told all that I loved but can I do this again and for more over against those trying to taken up my study. To announce my life onto the people came to be out of they that could be like wisdom of two or once up right.

And life lifted up like a dirty man looked upon himself saying can't be seeing and the love of him pulled out to Merry all the Vail onto the eye's of this created off to their mainly fountains falls.

This is life.

Life this is you.

You are life.

Are you in.

In these night.

Coming to.

Came for one.

But it's two.

Can't belief.

This is you.

Wounded like a man.

Wise to my game.

So such words.

Is in control.

But for you.

I withhold.

Far far away.

We can stay.

If this is.

All that heart.

Be at my.

Looking at they.

There's else each.

All willingly say.

Ah.

Jah.

Yah.

Way (weh).

I am he.

He is me.

So much of us.

Came to stay.

But because of life.

Aim this way.

No one knows.

That is why.

Garden rose.

Raise those DAY.

Give my love.

Follow no one.

To that one.

That willing to stay.

And if it is.

Then I will play.

Praise that life.

That you have.

Stuck onto it.

For what it is.

Or else you'll.

Be no more for all that.

Tells know why.

I am here.

By your side.

Be no more.

Should you be.

Again I will be.

For all terms.

Inside will plea.

It is if.

I couldn't fly.

Take my ride.

Do me good.

So we fly.

Wise like a hood.

Coming to these.

All sides of me.

This day I feel.

Like shelter in these.

For all that spirits.

Is all the thoughts.

Fears off to it's reality's.

Season fall.

On these jeopardy.

Tales knew best.

I might being.

Acknowledged.

The path.

Of thee.

I AM THE ALMIGHTY CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE CRAIG O'NEIL MARTIN that come hereby all and MAYHEM the spirits towards gatherings again and against evil.

So what is it like to be yourself in a life like really. Oh. I might say I'm great with you MAYHEM. Ah. I'm too. But be sure yes I'm.

Alright this is the first time to be off to being seeing in real life zone. Yes I knew all this.

Okay. Go.!

SHanTY i.e.T.S.ProDUctiON

CrAig o'NeIl mARTin $@//*°ฯ.

🐾Kyng yeHbIaN season🔗⛅

These are likely a psalms those would reading as all these questions are following lead in as once onto their owed Craig. Oh MAYHEM you're the best one I knew inside out just like a day I met you in the best time zones.

Okay thankz.

O hot you're with some one that time yes _I was just a job I needed to earn that time okay then good.

But might be I'll just say Nightly thats Mr Nightly I like that. Okay MAYHEM.

MAYHEM. MAYHEM. DAY DAY.

Grapes are grapes and just like a wise lambing is like a lamp from gree Mr Nightly. Ah; you're the best. Is it the best job you've got towards my studies or what. No but I might add a few more tips on it sir. Okay let's see.

Thankz.

MAYHEM I got it at those place we're going to town you'll know me as a special interested person about this way that pass so more knowing that we knew.

Oh you'll get you'll know.

Homeless creature are you crazy oh no I'm just curious. Oh. That's it and it might be a quest I know I'm in the thought that I should be into. We're; oh.

And nature believe ourselves and as it is as Craig belief of it but off to be Merry is it is if.

Those of them living like they that was not even into a team hoping to see the very first day or night of creation to they them MAYHEM there's all thing called what was it if you're with a ways going towards a start offer to the best place in one's like if these places are quaking on my standing ground right here now. Ah you're quantum and leaping trends that I say I have saw so many things to people like looking upwards to say. You knew and telling me that you hounding. Then like a step up or down on the ground you're never before going to be a cast on people's facetiness. Just observe and see.

And the heart of many people was willing to hurt these settings is because a controlling guess in one's mind.

And where the birds off to atom sprang before the eye's off then say can ever I be before another which can see what love is offer to them but a looked at our reacting. We aren't same thing but in spirit we are true most likely a command up in a place like the shield off to grace we woke up to be cherishing the most high leaves our souls to rest on this life of creation then come before all to see life the eye of existence and pass these conditions of life conquest.

Not before he that looking at us see whatsoever is there for him she knows that he is to see whatever is there but the light of him see opening where he can only be reject from come into these place where life problem is not in the pathway of trouble.

Shanty.i.e.t.s.prodtion#k.y.kyngyeh//bian.intr.com030880//@?)🔮™..wi.

Search:/!😎😎😎🌐

If you're in this world and needs a call like saying are this serious like the reality that life can bring on a global warning Craig. Well MAYHEM it is real terms in life where we see so many things like looking on things that might be unbelieving so what ever we see is like something do happen which we tell a tales like look and we answered back to our self. Some people many thinking wrongfully like I think. I'm getting off but I'll tried this once and see. What you think of it. Oh. I look at it as it is means something like the best looking on if there is it but if it is it's greater than everything that is offer to anyone's eye. Oh it's just a matter of a fact that I'm looking on. Oh good.

MAYHEM.mayhe be pleased DAY. DAY.

@$%//?).°¿§©||{shield)

🎦🚦stuningshantycraig.com

ShaNTY.i.e.t.S.PrOdUctIOn.™🔯

Prophet:

There are many people into the world's most civilized acknowledgement and terms themselves in a advanced in a human racing that even if they are like a wise man that count the natures in him he will stood up for his own for ever to rest. But with a man's knowledge he keep these faith that things can happen in life that many people won't believe into as life has much believe in. In our overturned in life people's might have been rescued on another one's meditation that came inside a love that called from the within and without. As far far is welcome wisdom is to they that seek of it's studies life spells the natives life onto life.

We might offered those yo a case like a judge seated and life nurtured to helped but in the past looking on the inside of lives it is fears that many of the people understand socialised centralized society as a man may know to his justice and level of life given education. In a clear verdict that a conquest plays problem for it's society's it is probably a knowledgeable person personnel that came to a board wise as life experience as a guest to take our pride and natures been of it's stupidity studies.

For I know.

I might tell.

Be onto others.

For I tell.

How far we go.

Go for these.

Restless sea.

Opening.

For a Lord.

Stood for thou.

Naturally.

Being in one.

For one man.

Or that seat.

See that land.

Where she go.

Go good hi.

Hi bye with.

Standing wide.

Seeing these with.

Natures flow.

Call my life.

Everyday.

As I say.

Pledged there by.

By those why.

If it seems.

I won't know.

If the best is in.

So flout.

Onto we.

As a year might have the pass sides saying we are. But things we might belief is believe in a geography explorer universal pictures openings.

These are many wanderers of life.

Haile Selassie I.

King Menes.

Moses.

Jesus Christ.

Mary.

Esther.

Marcus Mossiah Garvey.

Paul Bougle.

Legendary are many waters that cry stand up strong as a leader would say prides are we although we ain't strong but still skull skeletons stones our pride esteem.

Ark and why:

When it is a open guess a scene belief about schemes of things that are not readily shield our generation for our young youths that a came is out as we have been told how to believe in our prides and nurturing of a mother's arm for the shield are Mighty than to know about life which shields the naked of the eye's of nature.

Into a world Created as we seem to be aware of it's guests are like stunning rock of an Rocky road that a prophet priest and King can only show these mean for life to live.

Until the rest of all thoughts and understanding of it is a reality of life to accepted onto the people where they are studying stupidies against themselves. As we are to over turn our victorys and acknowledge strong hold on scientific scheme as we are the world's most known in terms of our society socially and off with agreement of technology mechanisms thoughts and welfare.

Great Kings and Queens are like a Vail on people readings been wasting these everyday life wanted to know things are most likely the best to count on any other thoughts for sitting on a man's guess and study more over all of them that have life jeopardy inside of their outside lifestyles.

We're aim may counting in these ways like a man would say seeing the things that are not is seeing things might be so. But the most wanted seeing all thought of one's and act stupid as it is to be stupid of another man's heart of love and dreams under his ought.

Aims are settings and nubians are stronger than these settings as any other man's might be but to be a nubian the Vail isn't avoiding policy in a advantage come with courage curiously socially colony rights and promoting permission adding edited versions wisdom understanding until knowledge act actually eventually in events.

Spiritual awakening:

This might leaves many oppsticle in sight and dieties aren't reason for a made over season of offerings on being stream where vision are steam instead of steadily composer in what life formal formed about else each of the body of terms withheld on a side these are acknowledgements potentially the best reality's into existence optically official ordered and believe.

For our daily escape and the meaning of life understand things likewise wisdom on a chaos to be into a looking on wherever as these are likely seem to be justified onto all acknowledgements of a spiritually belief and cast into a controversy with spirituality nationality socially in any way as an option to been causes fears.

The next conquest come with all possibility imposed the orders and dreams redeeming spirit images that Vail the eye's that each one's in life been explored these event acknowledgement the deeds that causes the Vail that many people have participated into is an expression to believe the awakening of the soul and spirituality that can lead anyone to an from making the journey existence of self-esteem conducts the nakedly and as it is on looking inward like a creatively observation.

Reality come to this one I metcause me to laugh caught me into a sigh MAYHEM if it was but ah Mr Nightly is just as I am a guess openly towards question that I could only belief and believed I had it good.what are you trying to say yo me; I can't buy that. Oh. It's a joke as any would like a copy been post great experience towards my thoughts and journalists counting down on a wave he thinks he cloud warn everything in the universe like nothing clones it's best times like these journey on a chaos man meaning hush to his lighten words and guest to gather each nation national grace and enjoyment of their world.

Okay!. It might be good but I'll be coming to take it away next time if it is more then being remembered like it Craig no one's to you or means to saddle upward your side like a picture on a award crowning a storm like myself is not off to but I tell you I am watching your esteem on me okay.yes I knew you good that we are just one sample experience for any existence so please to be of mere like we.

In addition creativity and creative created all these things that have it's orbit rotating on a atmosphere conditioning the noices that company the way of any believe or with a strong message to be before onto anything seems of the first to comment on a commandment weather law and order rules and regulation the same as life spelt corrections are things life the best understanding completely covered a change choosen the new and farmost of reality bond and the ending of all notes that made up to these chance of characteral measures comfort anything that focusing on it's meaning and decision life mark as if justice isn't prevail to the other side of sign became one terms act fall in general measures.

Commitment and pride seal a great place knowing you are to put in placement ideas deals and creativity until the hands not be out of any man conjunction works to be noticing notes that he set for heating up a human obedience just be pleased to the next step up odds and guest and merchants come to him or her hands as there is hardship to work to a new born world that starts at the end of him or her as going into impact a wise for understanding delights as influence come to the table to being offered to the work they are doing enough to remember of life meanings like to comfort people place and things in common wealth to heal times benefit concert rediscovery of a thought of one's self which is the best record brings back life into law and decisions.

Reality and civilization:

We might be in a quest conquering the spouse of our dreams and fullfil the time when it messed on our own wakes of life to be with. If the bible tells story's about Great people that made the believers of it's versions be feeds on all man's awaken in a control these words come in one place where there are fully grown natures borned. The forces of evil will recognize the saying of a good person servere that one man soul reaches the best time of his life came to pass these passages that eventually a prophets priests and all these Kingdom in a grace reward for a seal of a closure things likely a given task that copy a verdict one as he is known as words are to opening and journalist concerns terms make no one's are at large as a grouge of anything is to be added to started onto each of the verse that links anyone to proceed provision toward an individual characteristic. For most of the people in life seems to be buried into a verse that they are willingly to Merry all the opportunity to their lives.

There are measurements that birth on the inside philosophy at the beginning to the ending.

There are livity to live and seal that can be played overall along life's just as it is to be strong stronger than the rest never been suites the best interested ideal.

Sometime we collect shapes and sizes of things that we are studying to be our level to put in time zone that it is as well known beam some are guests thinks these waves are likewise wisdom so ever everyone's else into this world have study those mediar as scientist would been thinking as welcome until knowledge comes before many others as teaching the best ability in life.

Comets are spirits as life is a part way into journey phiologicalistizmsz in order words some might say psychologically introductions. Ass word created we organized as a was and then it's studies into this life supremacy is highest in degree as great as TBE sun sets seated awys of life joining lifestyles time zones.

I thought that reading is expected from general counsel going units to mention mechanism merchandise official Personnels notes in awarded that these method improved civilization humanity in this world of opticals.

Lines like lottery of getting some time in keeping it importance seals are better being used as it only for titles such high feeds through to get it's origin to crotch on the Earth crust to the core from the sun so many oppsticle are leaving into a wave we called frequency throughout the universe terms on today maintainance to each other during each twilight myth even when not in many offered at times but only took minding to and from into and out the sight of zone characteristic measures counting still just aiming and the organization of spiritual beam.

In the outter space many people thinking of aliens in fact culture is spending towards natures in the creations of life as policy is ain't alien with great books as terms importancy education level beam have taught issue up to join improvements as spirituality and things that natures are reading creations as essential levels certainly left towards rights and a lot offerings onset is inner self as space is thoughts as a source of colonies socialities society spirit.@🌋.

[heylabodega]

Books Read, Age 26

Previously: 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18 (holy shit)

Enigma Variations–Aciman I talked to Robbie about this one a bunch bc he’s always looking for good novels about gay people by gay people and I thought this might be that but this is…not that. It had promise and the first section is really kind of lovely but it veers off and just…I don’t know, mileage will vary, but it didn’t feel True to me. idk idk either like he misunderstands love and sexuality or I do and it honestly could more than likely be me.

A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy–Adams One of those books I had just always kinda pretended I read. I mean not that people like frequently check to make sure I’ve read AHGttG but just like in my mind whenever it was mentioned I checked it off. You know the dealio you don’t need my thoughts on it (as opposed to most things, on which you definitely do).

All Grown Up–Attenberg My favorite of the Attenberg novels I’ve read. Of particular use and relevance to me, an aging single woman and unlikeable protagonist. I enjoyed this very much, it was sharp and warm and mean and tender.

Queen of the Night–Chee Hmm. Ok. I felt for most of this book that it like…thought it was a different, more important book than it actually was? It is overwritten–both in prose style and in that it could have been at least 100 pages shorter–and you know how sometimes you read a book with a female protagonist and you’re like ‘I can’t believe a man wrote this!’? Yeah this isn’t that. But the ending line is really good? idk. Someone else read it and tell me your thoughts.

Too Much and Not the Mood–Chew-Bose First of all, excellent title. These essays reminded me, and I mean in this in the lease self-important way possible, of my own writing. Just in that way where writing doesn’t have to be traditionally literarily linear. These essays are good and filled with the kind of sentences that make you know the writer loves words, you can feel her placing them carefully with the satisfying click of scrabble tiles, sliding them into the right order.

Who Killed Roger Ackroyd–Christie Typical Agatha novel and very good. I can’t tell you any more without spoiling it.

Murder in Retrospect–Christie This is one of my fave Christie’s. It was dark and smart and pithy.

Rule Britannia–Du Maurier I found this in a used bookstore in Portland, Maine, just after the Brexit vote. She wrote it in like the 70s and it’s speculative fiction based on if the UK left the EU and formed a union with the United States. It’s kind of really good but it also ends kind of abruptly, like maybe it could have been the first of a trilogy or something.

Plum Bun–Fauset This was my favorite book from my Harlem Renaissance class. I wrote my term paper on it. I love this book. I want to write it as a screenplay and someone to make it into a movie and I want Troian Bellesario to play the lead.

A Coney Island of the Mind–Ferlinghetti A book of (I think?) beat poetry that I found in a used bookstore in Saugherties at Thanksgiving. I love these poems, especially one called “The World is a Beautiful Place” which I read out loud to Robbie one night while we were walking between bars in the snow at like midnight.

Wishful Drinking–Fisher Carrie Fisher is one of those people whose very existence makes me feel braver and weirder and funnier. She’s a truly good soul and I don’t have anything else to say except that you should read this and also that you should Postcards From the Edge first it’s better.

Difficult Women–Gay I prefer Roxane Gay’s fiction to her nonfiction and these are very good, very interesting stories full of sadness and love.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X (as told to Alex Haley) I have never had so many people approach me while reading a book in public as this one. It is, unsurprisingly, an extremely compelling and upsetting book. But I was very surprised by it. I’m not sure quite what I expected from it, but it wasn’t what it was. I think about this book at least twice a week. I think everyone should read it and I think they’ll all enjoy it.

How To Be  A Person In the World–Havrilesky I think maybe Ask Polly columns are better in smaller doses than a whole book, but nevertheless, for better or for worse, she shaped a great deal of my early-twenties self esteem and the essays translate to the page much better than a lot of internet writing I’ve read. 

Girl on the Train–Hawkins This felt…cheap somehow. Like I got really into it and then felt like I’d been cheated or fooled because it’s truly not very good.

Bright Lines–Islam This is a fascinating book. It’s the most Brooklyn summery, felt the most like my Brooklyn summers despite describing a Bengali Muslim family and smoking weed and other experiences that are not specifically mine. I’d recommend it. Highly.

Intimations–Kleeman Man, I’ve recommended this book of short stories to so many people. It’s weird and interesting and it does something I think is hard, which is write surreal stories where the stakes still feel real, if that makes sense. She came and spoke to our class and she told an interesting question to ask of short stories which was, “what are the satisfactions of this story?” and all of these are satisfying and visceral. There’s one long one in the middle that I skipped and you can too, I give you permission.

A Swiftly Tilting Planet–L'Engle Hey, um, you know what’s p upsetting to read? A plot where a crazy dictator is gonna drop a nuclear bomb and start the end of the world (this isn’t a spoiler it’s introduced like five pages in). 

A Wind in the Door–L'Engle This was not as good as A Wrinkle in Time–what is–but it was a bright easy read, her books are so–loving, I guess. Good if you need a little palate cleanser.

Passing–Larsen We read a LOT of books in my Harlem Renaissance course. This a very good, short novel about, well, guess. It’s like a painting somehow, like a 20th century painting.

Sister Outsider–Lorde  I have taken none women’s studies courses so this was a pretty important text I had never read. It is very Good and everyone should read it if they have not already.

Cruel Shoes–Martin I LOVE Steve Martin and still on a few of these I was like “I don’t know, Steve.” But many others (they’re very short stories) are funny or clever or great.

Bright Lights, Big City–McInerney ughhhhhhh a book that is entirely written in second person and is about how womens’ existences and deaths have like ~made a man feel~ but it’s a short quick read and–I am E X T R E M E L Y reluctant to admit–the end is a really good image that did lowkey make me cry but also fuck this book

The Hopeful–O'Neill This I didn’t like much, in a way that I thought it needed a stronger editor and I want Eleanor or Robbie or someone I trust to read it to tell me if I’m wrong.

The Bed Moved–Schiff Weird and good little stories. I don’t think about them often, but they were elegant and sharp as I read them.

Eligible–Sittenfield It’s nice that they’re publishing Modern AU Pride and Prejudice fanfic now in a bound book. This was enjoyable tho tbh not the best Modern AU Pride and Prejudice fanfic I, a cool and chill person, have read in my life.

Swing Time–Smith I think this is my fave of the Zadie Smith books I’ve read. I wasn’t sure by the end quite what the point of it was, but I guess also what’s the point of anything? idk this is a useless description of a book. It was immersive and interesting but I’ve also not told anyone “you *have* to read this you’ll love it.” We did go see her read from it and in person she is enchanting.

The New Woman–Sochen Nonfiction about what I think we’d call first-wave feminism? It was really fascinating about an era I knew nothing about but also had some, um, glaring omissions ahem any mention of race whatsoever.

Action. A Book About Sex–Spiegel Ok look yes fine I am an adult sexually active woman who still reads books about sex whatEVER. I missed sex-ed and I also like to hear, in a non-prurient (or sometimes prurient w/e) way what other people are up to, sex-wise. I mean there’s no real like advice about sex in the world, I think, except that everything consensual and fun is fine, but I think it’s important to occasionally remind yourself of that. This was a good book.

Missing, Presumed–Steiner A crime book that I neither loved nor hated and generally enjoyed reading. Big enh.

The Girls From Corona Del Mar–Thorpe Robbie gave this to me for my birthday last year. A beach read with an edge, page-turner-y but sharp. Seems like it’s going to be a light read, but there’s a bite to it, a reminder of the cruel randomness of fate and of our inability to really know other people or ourselves. I loved this.

Cane–Toomer So this is an important text from the Harlem Renaissance and it’s kinda…never classified? It’s a series of related but not continuous short stories, as well as poetry, and little like plays? idk it’s very evocative and beautiful and dense and bears up to intense overreading. One of my favorite books I read for my Harlem Ren class.

The Blacker the Berry–Thurman Ok so Wallace Thurman apparently worried his whole life that his writing style was too journalistic and he maybe wasn’t…wrong. This is NOT a bad book and it’s well written and novelistic exCEPT when sometimes it feels pedagogical or expository. It’s a short, well constructed novel about colorism and worth checking out.

Killer–Walters Lovely and weird poems. I went to go follow the author on Twitter and discovered I already was. I love these.

The Underground Railroad–Whitehead An extremely. upsetting. book. Here’s the thing and I understand the presumption of my criticism of a book that won the national book award, but: if you’re going to make your conceit that the Underground Railroad is a real railroad, I think that you should do more with it. THAT SAID the rest of this is truly wonderful, somehow at once a page turner and viscerally upsetting.

Kiss Me Like a Stranger–Wilder I love Gene Wilder. I’d read Gilda Radnor’s memoir a couple years ago so part of this was sort of an interesting other side of the story. Anyways he seems like a genuinely strange, slightly neurotic, flawed but mostly warm and kind person.

[lnd64zgj-blog]

Now i know i need insurance?

Now i know i need insurance?

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[datingadviceonreddit]

Ok, it’s been a long time coming now.What do I begin with? I [M] turned 20 recently and the fact that I’m so inexperienced with women is really getting on my nerves now. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never dated, never kissed anybody and obviously, I’ve never had sex. It’s not that I haven’t had the chance, but bear with me.The reason for this is the following:I’ve always been slightly on the socially awkward side, with low self-esteem, I’m definitely a home bird, I don’t go to parties and clubs as I don’t drink, don’t smoke and can’t see the purpose of these activities, really. All of my friends do, however. I am terrible when it comes to communicating with girls I’m attracted to. I can’t read signs, I don’t know what to say, how to act and get the cold sweat. When it comes to girls that I’m not attracted to, I have no problems whatsoever but it’s a rather useless skill in the context of my problem.It has nothing to do with my looks, at least in my opinion. I would never rate myself below 7/10, blonde, blue eyes, 192 cm tall, decent clothing, etc. I’ve been a bit chubby for most of my life, although last year I lost 15 kilos and I’m quite happy with the results now. Also once I accidentally overheard female friends discussing how attractive I was, which is good I guess, although for some reason it still doesn’t help with my self-esteem.The best part is that at least 3 girls have been interested in me in some way in the last year and a half. As I said, I am terrible at reading signs but these were obvious enough. The first one I met at the driving school, but she was not my type so it went nowhere. The second one was a girl from the class next door, I knew about her feelings for quite some time, but she was quite a big drama queen, easily manipulated by everyone, extremely emotional and quite honestly, wasn’t the best looking out there. So, when she finally told me in person how much she liked me and how she wanted us to be more than just friends, I politely declined her and in my opinion I took the right decision. It wasn’t fair for her to take advantage of her feelings just for sex a few kisses and leave her after a month or two. It turned out that she doesn’t take “no” for an answer, now she is 2000 kilometers away and I know from trusted sources that she is still thinking about me, although she hasn’t seen me for more than a year. Massive respect for her bravery to confess, though. The third one is the most recent one (this winter/spring) and probably my biggest failure. I didn’t expect a ton of girls at university as it is architecture-oriented, but there she was and she blew my mind with how pretty and smart she was. She was in my group so we helped each other a lot – I helped her with the drawings and the plans, she helped me with the calculus homework. We were both quite early usually, so it was common for us to wait together for classes to start, just the two of us. There were also insane amounts of eye contact. And the imbecile that I am didn’t man up and didn’t make a single move. Fast forward 2 months and she is with another boy. It hurts a bit when I see them together but I am happy for her that she found somebody more worthy, and I guess I have to move on now.When it comes to family and friends, I don’t have many friends, and they were quite supportive for some time, they tried to arrange a couple of dates for me with their female friends but I found this too awkward so I refused each and every time. Now they have sort of given up on me when it comes to this and consider me a hopeless case. My parents are great people, I am still living with them because my home is only a couple of blocks away from university. Unfortunately, for some reason they think my constantly single status is quite funny and occasionally drop some hurtful comments in front of other relatives. Also, one of my cousins, who is 150 cm tall, a bit dumb, unhygienic and nobody believed he will ever get a girlfriend, actually got one and now I am the only object of shaming, so to speak.I am a simple man, I dream of having a wife that I genuinely love, one day to have children and so on and so on but I have the annoying feeling that I am missing my only chances. It seems that there won’t be any girls worth considering in the foreseeable future. I am highly against dating sites, they are nothing more than human markets. I am too awkward to talk to random girls on the streets, I can’t grow the balls to do it, unfortunately. I don’t consider myself too picky, I’ve been interested in less attractive girls but they had outstanding personalities. Also, I am fully aware that I am not perfect, actually nobody is and I am constantly working on myself. In the first month in university I put the mask of the confident, outgoing person but boy was it exhausting. I couldn’t keep up with the stress that it caused so little by little I was back to being the old me, 100% natural and being myself. Furthermore, I doubt I convinced anybody with this fake personality. Sometimes I get so frustrated with my state that I go out and run for miles and miles and thus trashing myself physically, just to come home and listen to sad songs. I feel alone and isolated (at least romantically). I have so much love to give and at the same time I need some love to receive.Sorry for the long post. It was extremely difficult writing this. I don’t know what I am doing wrong in my life anymore and I don’t know what I should focus on form now on. Some of you will say that I have nothing to worry about, others will say I am already late but any advice will be deeply appreciated. Thanks for reading this.TL;DR: The title. via /r/dating_advice

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