#and I don't know how I'll handle the operation and the follow up and I'm fucking terrified

[omarfor-orchestra]

So now I need to figure out what caused this mess uh

#was it the pills #the pms #the fact that I haven't seen my therapist in almost a month and will have to wait another one #the fact that i haven't seen someone outside my family and therapist in something like 3 months #maybe more #the fact that when the only irl friend i thought i had (which I'm starting to dubt) told me after i stupid joke that i do have friends #i ghosted her bc otherwise i would have told her to fuck off bc if i had friends I wouldn't have had to be alone in my house when in #so much pain I couldn't move from the bad and she knew it she knew I couldn't walk and still said 'oh you can come to my house' how???????? #despite me asking her twice to come #and I'm 23 years old and I'm so alone it hurts and I can't go out even if i were invited and the only thing helping me right now #are literally drugs which let me tell yall is a low point even if they're medically prescripted #and I'm losing my mind because I'm 3 exams away from my graduation and everyday i feel like giving up #and I've started counting cals again because I'm scared I'm gonna gain too much weight #and I don't know how I'll handle the operation and the follow up and I'm fucking terrified #I'm so sorry if you all are reading this but I'm truly feeling hopeless and so so useless and alone and the self hating is getting stronger #I'm sorry if i bring negativity in your dash I won't blame you for unfollowing i can just try to promise it won't always be like this #i hope at least #god i don't even know what i wrote

[juvenillia]

~ Death of Peace of Mind ~ 15: teasing

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x fem!reader

photo credits go to very talented @ave661

a/n: maybe I got a bit too carried away in this one but yeah, let me know what you think

CW/TW: mentions of loss, violence, jealousy, dubcon, touch/assault, use of petnames, guilt, regret

wordcount: 4.3k

prev | masterlist | next

"So, you're doing it?", the female voice rang through the speaker. "It's a mission, of course I'm doing it.", your voice was determined but still a bit shaky. Maybe you were just too exhausted. The sleepless nights sapping on your energy. "We know it's a special operation, so we at least want you to choose your partner yourself.", Price’s voice was soft but still firm. "I'd recommend Riley." Laswell's words instantly let your stomach take a turn. You couldn't choose him for too many reasons. So many you totally wouldn't share with your literal boss. Still Laswell continued. "He would act on it with the most professional interests." - "But the mask." - "Even better. Nobody knows who he actually looks like and if it's an order he wouldn't even hesitate." You felt like throwing up. Price looked concerned at you but tried to keep his face clear.

"No, no way. I respect his boundaries. I'm going with MacTavish.", you answered bluntly and quick before the discussion could go anymore in a direction you didn't want to. "You sure about that?", Price’s voice was a bit surprised, but the situation was a special occasion. Such operations were never easy and never a thing because the 141 handled such situations differently. They had their own ways to get the insider information that was required. Mostly this way was harsh and bone crushing. But now they had an ace up their sleeve. They had you on the team, a woman. And therefore, a really beautiful one. That opened a new door of possibilities. "Alright. So, Sergeant MacTavish it is. I'll arrange everything." The line went dead, and you looked at Price. "You know how this op will go." - "I'm familiar with that kinda thing. Yeah. Gonna talk with him tomorrow." - "Thank you, Skadi." - "No need to thank me, sir. It's my job." Price knew that those missions were nerve-wracking for everyone included, and he swore to himself, that he would only sent you out on it if you were fine with it. "You know what I mean.", he simply added before following you to the common room to be reunited with the rest of the 141.

That was yesterday, and now you found yourself in the shared office, figuring the best way out to tell Johnny about his luck. Your mind was racing. Once for the situation that you again fell asleep in the common room and got carried back to your room by one of the boys. How Beth explained later it was Simon, again. Only the thought of the situation let your stomach ramble. No, we won't call it butterflies, we just don't. For the second reason it was definitely the whole situation you found yourself in. You didn't mind the operation itself nor the fact that Johnny was to be by your side. It was just the fact that you were never the type to enjoy social gatherings that much, especially such big and fancy ones. You hated it back then, the hand shaking, sweet talking and complimenting just to get approval and support from rich people which thought of themselves way too much. Back then you played already a role, but this time would be different and more difficult. Pretending to be a completely different person with a completely other life plus of course your beloved boyfriend, Johnny had to pretend to be. Invading enemy terrain to get intel in nothing more than a fancy dress which would reveal way too much skin. No gun in your hands, no knives strapped to your body. You would be served to them on a silver plate. Those missions were triggering your anxiety more than infiltrating an enemy base the offensive way.

"Slept well?", a deep teasing voice ripped you out of the haze your thoughts were. You blinked utterly confused at the Lieutenant who just placed a cup in front of you. Hot steam leaving it in dancing movements upwards till they vanished. You could see how his mask moved, and how he had to wear a smile beneath it. A deep blush made its way onto your cheeks. Since when was he so cocky with his comments? What did change in the last days? And worse did you do something embarrassing? Hells bells, did you speak during your sleep?

He let out a nearly inaudible chuckle while taking his place at his desk across from yours. Your reaction was enough answer for him, still he wanted to push it. It was only the two of you in the office by now, so he would take advantage of it. "Will ya keep fallin' asleep 'n me? Just out 'f curiosity." His voice was so cocky, so teasing. You wanted the ground to open and swallow you right now.

After Simon's anger about the intruder vanished, he saw a chance of being just a bit more offensive with you. Only jokingly teasing, only the way like you would do with Johnny or Kyle all the time. It wouldn’t change a thing he believed. He wanted to test the waters but seeing you all flustered and overwhelmed did something to him. And maybe there was a chance that you would call him 'darling', just the way you did with him. He didn't know how he would react; he didn't know what it would take you to grow this comfortable around Simon, but he would try to find out. Maybe it would be his doom, but maybe his elysium.

This was the moment Johnny walked through the door. "Good morning everyo..." - "MacTavish, just the guy I was looking for.", you yelled out and before he could react, you jumped up from your place, took the cup of tea Simon brought you in one hand and the other hand grabbed Johnny's wrist while dragging him outside. Shoving Kyle aside while he tried to enter the office and just looked dumbfounded after you two and then at Simon. The taller Brit just shrugged, usually the situation would kind of bug him, but right now, he was too satisfied with your morning encounter and started on the reports. A victorious smile well hidden behind the mask.

"So, yer gonna be my wifey, eh?", Johnny looked with raised brows at you, wearing a cocky smile. You dragged him into one of the empty briefing rooms where you explained everything to him. "Fiancée. And stop the teasing. Bloody hell.", you rolled your eyes while he nudged your foot with his. He stood in front of you, not too far away but also not really close, leaning against one of the tables. "Fiancée.", he repeated mockingly.

"We should talk about boundaries. Lines we shouldn’t cross, things we're fine with and things we're not.", you stated while crossing your arms in front of your chest. Johnny nodded, and suddenly some thoughts flashed his mind. Thoughts he pushed aside for now. Of course, Johnny knew how important that mission was, but he still was a teasing piece of shit. It took you a few to sort things out and to get him to take this talk serious, without any more teasing and jokes. You were professionals after all.

"That's only the emergency exit. Ya hear me?", you looked serious at him while taking the last few sips out of the cup and ending your talk. You did really go through any possibility that could happen. "Got it. And now we're talking about Lt making you, and only you, tea and why you didn't choose him for the fake dating mission. Eh?", he raised his brows once more at you, this cocky grin back at his lips. You felt the heat back on your cheeks and wished you could just throw the cup after him. Instead, you rolled your eyes and raised your hands in a warning gesture. "Already thinking about divorce now.", you laughed, and Johnny pouted jokingly before each of you went after the preparation for this special operation.

It was around six in the evening as Laswell helped you with your hair and makeup. She told you, that she always had to doll up her wife and you had to admit, she did an amazing job. You were standing in the bathroom of the fancy hotel just some blocks away from the benefits gala. Putting the jewelry and dress on, Kate had prepared for you. The jewelry was made to be your decent communication device for the night. It would keep you in contact with Price and Ghost who were arranged as guards for the gala. So, Johnny and you wouldn't be completely out in the open.

You slipped the dress on and cursed to yourself. It was tight just at the right places and hugged your curves perfect. It hadn't a huge cleavage, but a slit up to your leg, nearly too high for your liking. Somehow you were still glad that this fabric was divided there because otherwise you weren't even able to move properly. The silky fabric moved delightful as you took a turn in front of the mirror. It definitely wasn't something you despised wearing, you felt pretty of course, but you'd preferred your cargo pants and a turtleneck. You could say you felt too much like eye candy, but that was what you were supposed to be today. A decoy to attract the hopefully right persons to spill some intel.

You went with Kate to the room the boys were put to. Kyle was already on the computers to invade the security cameras, that you could be a step ahead. Just in case. Ghost seated next to him, wearing an all-black suit with a pair of unholy tight pants, and a completely black balaclava. Going through the process over and over again. Price was in the same suit, helping Johnny to adjust his bow tie. He wore a casual and elegant suit, that matched the color of your dress. Simon was the one to open the door for you and Kate as soon as she knocked and how happy he was to wear this god damn mask.

His breath hitched as soon as he laid his eyes on your figure. You just walked past him, trying to ignore the burning feeling inside of you. Your work brain needed to take over now. Kyle only whistled, looking astonished in your direction. You rolled your eyes while pushing your hands in your hips. "Zip it, Garrick!", you glared at him, and he only rose his hands in defense. "If yer saying something against my wifey I'm gonna end yer.", Soap said while slipping a hand around your shoulder. Maybe Johnny was already a bit to comfortable in his role.

Simon stood still in place, frozen, mesmerized by your presence. The only thing that brought him back was Johnny's hand on your shoulder. The shoulder that was stained with a fresh scar of your latest meeting with a bullet and guilt came up his chest. His eyes travelled down to your hips, the place where another nasty scar would stay forever now. Scars were part of the job, nothing special but thinking about how your beautiful body was stained with them.

Just then he realized how perfectly fitted the dress was. Literally nothings were left to the imagination, his imagination. His eyes lingered just there, hoping that his brain would be able to remind him of this picture as often as possible. He’d love to change the picture of your blood-stained body into this one. And he made sure to be as close to your side tonight as possible. "Fiancée. Johnny. Fiancée.", you corrected him annoyed. "Why is that even so important?" - "We need a good story with enough personal information to spill. Because only then people will spare theirs. We have to be convincing." Johnny playfully rolled his eyes at your correction. "Alright ladies. We must go!", Laswell clapped in her hands and Price pulled an identical balaclava, like Simon already wore, over his head.

The start of the evening went off smoother than expected. Johnny didn't leave your side, always having an arm around your waist or on your back. It was quite reassuring, and his constant presence made it easier for you to entertain the people. Johnny did most of the talking and you just had to look pretty. That wasn't hard at all. Plus, you always felt save feeling the intense glance of Ghost on you. No matter where you were, you knew he was close. Sometimes you couldn't even see him, like a real ghost hiding in the shadows. You wore an earpiece on the side that was covered by your hair. So that you could at least got some hints from the boys. No matter if it was from Kyle observing the whole place or your two guards. And it was somehow funny that wherever you looked all the waitresses and securities wore those masks. Of course, you were a bit disappointed when you found out that he gonna keep the mask on even now, still you didn't want to cross his boundaries, that’s why you didn’t choose him for the mission and that is the reason you told Johnny. From time to time, you heard Price's or Gaz' voice over the earpiece, commenting on stuff people said. Simon stayed silence most of the time. Johnny had no earpiece, because he simply had nothing that could hide it, so he had to promise to stay close. At least in the sight of Price.

It was in a moment when Soap and you weren't surrounded by anyone, just then you caught him. Simon standing afar, next to a pillar and staring continuously at you. But something in his glance was different. Was it a hint of jealousy? Your eyes met for a second before a genuine smile flashed over your face. Johnny stood close to you, still an arm around you his eyes searching for your next victim, and you couldn't prevent the words to slip over your lips. "Lieutenant.", you said calm averting your gaze to not make it too obvious. Leaning a bit further into your fake fiancé. He hummed in confirmation over the comms. Still staring at you, not daring to look away. Too scared that it would be a dream and the image in front of him would be gone as soon as he blinked. "You’re staring.", you said with the most teasing voice you could and just then you could see from the corner of your eyes that he abruptly looked away. "Just observing.", he cleared his throat. It led to a sweet and satisfied laugh. The game he started could be played by two.

"Says the lass that shamelessly checked his arse in those tight suit pants out.", Johnny's cocky voice was heard, and you instantly buried your face deeper in his shoulder. You hoped that nobody at the other end of the comms could hear him. He started to laugh and patted your back. "Yer secret's save with me. Dinnea yer worry, bonnie.", he smiled while your face was drowning in embarrassment and you just prayed to everything you hold dear, that Johnny would keep his promise.

The evening became a bit harder when you decided to split up, to get as many people to talk to you as possible. It was after an unpleasant talk with a way too drunken man, that you took a little break excusing yourself to the bathroom. He at least gave a few things away that could help you. Still, you felt a disgusting shadow creeping over your skin. Men were easy to manipulate, still you hated it. You just hoped the night would be over soon and that you could wash yourself clean with a cold shower.

As soon as you stepped out of the bathroom you couldn't help but felt another shiver run down your spine. Another guy seemed to have followed you, because just then you felt an unfamiliar hand creeping around your waist. You immediately tensed and needed to fight the urge to throw him over your shoulder. He lowered his head to your ear that wasn’t covered by your hair. "There is someone who wants to meet you, doll." It made your hair stand to an end, but you needed to suppress it. Whoever wanted to see you could be a very helpful informant. You were lucky that he couldn’t see your face that was coated in sheer disgust. He let his hand wander further down, and the feeling to just break his wrist became stronger and stronger.

But you weren't the only one that had this urge, just to the misery of the poor guy. Ghost snatched his shoulder and yanked him with full force away from you. He nearly growled at him before standing in front of you. Shielding you away. "Leave 'e lady alone. She's already expected.", he hissed through gritted teeth and the douchebag ran away as fast as possible.

You looked in disbelief at him as he turned around to face you properly. Making sure nobody else would watch, you glared at him. "What the hell?! He could have led to important information.", you crossed your arms. "That wasn't appropriate. I needed to intervene!", he only hissed, trying to keep his voice as low as possible. He would never raise his voice at you, still he needed to clarify his point. "I was completely okay... that's how those things work. It's the most efficient way.", you paused for a moment. You didn't want to scold him for something that would be the right thing to do, because indeed it wasn't okay how the man treated you. Still, he interrupted a chance of good information.

"You really need to let myself decide if I'm fine or not." Simon clenched his fist. He knew you were right, but watching how that guy touched you without your consent, without your approval that made him furious. Seeing the discomfort in your eyes. He wouldn't let anything like this happen, to no-one, but especially not to you. You could feel how tense he was; he didn't answer to your outburst. You sighed; one more look around before your arms dropped to your side. "You trust me?", your eyes searched for his and he nodded slowly, not averting his glance. "Let's agree on a sign.", you exhaled not braking eye contact either.

You went back in the main hall, still the burning gaze from Ghost on your back, you moved through the groups of people until you caught a word that completely caught your interest. "He changed since the incident." - "Well, Camilo was his brother." You took a place in the circle, greeting everyone with a sweet smile. Camilo had a brother. "He was his twin! You know how twins have this weird connection..." A twin, that made sense why you thought you saw Camilo running around that chem factory. Price and Simon assured you millions of times that Ghost took him out before he caught that bullet.

People started starring at you, so you took a sip out of the glass in your hand. "I heard from the tragic accident.", you chimed with fake sympathy. "Oh, my dear. That wasn't an accident.", an older man touched your shoulder and left his hand there. Squeezing it softly. "He was taking care of.", you looked faked bewildered at him. And another woman joined. "He even moved the plans back, you know, to grief properly. Even gave him a funeral after finding his body. So, he has a heart after all." You nodded in understanding. Just then you heard a static voice over the comms "We got visitors.", Price announced and soon you could sense a different group of armed men entering over the higher up floor. They also wore balaclavas, but they moved differently.

You looked with a worried face around, searching for Johnny. That's when the hand of the older man started rubbing circles on your shoulder. "Don't worry my dear. They're here to protect us. I believe there is an uninvited guest." He looked at you with those lust blown pupils and it made you sick. If he would call you 'my dear' one more time you needed to throw up. "Those uninvited guests are you. Maybe we should leave.", Kyle's voice rang over the earpiece while he tracked every enemy. "Those Italians are always so impudent, but family is their highest good."-"Aren't they Mexicans?" - "Mexicans, Italians, Brazilians, Spanish. Aren't they all the same?!", the old men next to you chimed and all around started to laugh. You forced a laugh out of your throat as you saw another bunch of armed and masked men approaching the lower level. Your eyes searched for Soap. Kyle was right, you had to leave now. "Excuse me. I'm missing my beloved fiancé. Will be back soon.", you stated before moving through the mass of people. Johnny didn't hear anything the boys said due to the missing earpiece. You needed to find him.

It was Price’s voice that helped. "He's at the west entry. Gonna make sure you leave save. Ghost take care of the car." You moved as fast as possible without drawing any suspicion to the place Price described and Johnny was there. Discussing eagerly with no one else then the man from your hallway encounter with Ghost. That wouldn't end good.

"Darling, I'm feeling unwell. You think we can go back to the hotel.", you chimed with a cooing tone while your hands searched his. He looked at you and gladly understood immediately. The man looked surprised at you and insisted of you staying a little while longer. Somehow you made your way to the hallway, the only thing that separated you and the SUV that brought you out of here. Price made sure the way was clear and Ghost sat in the car, engine already rumbling low waiting for you to enter the vehicle.

"He's still following you and it seems like he got friends", Kyle declared over the comms. "Shit.", you hissed out while walking in those fancy heels. "We aroused suspicion, especially with our sudden leave.", Johnny said while trailing close behind. A thousand thoughts were rushing through your mind. There was only thing that might help, you sighed. Your eyes found a little corner, and you turned, taking Johnny's wrist, dragging him with you around.

"Yo, Skadi, wrong direction.", you could hear Kyle over the comms. "Emergency exit.", is all you said before muting the earpiece and Johnny immediately understood. That was the first moment he felt uneasy tonight. You pressed yourself against the wall, wrapped your hands around Johnny's neck while bringing him closer to you. His face just a breath away from yours. You looked in his eyes and he nodded, giving silently permission and you closed the gap between you. Your lips brushing over his, a bit stern but still eager, the intense feeling couldn't be denied. His hands were frozen on your waist, till you took one of them and placed it over your thigh. The leg hooking behind his body drawing him impossible closer. It needed to be a good show for them to buy it. Johnny's grip on your bare skin was tight, as his lips moved over yours. It felt nothing like you remembered a kiss, but that wasn't even one of those lust filled actions. It was your emergency exit.

"Bloody hell.", Kyle breathed out in utterly shock, staring at the screen in front of him. "What's happening?!", Ghost nearly barked through the earpiece while the grip around the steering wheel tightened. "Even when I told you, you wouldn't believe me.", Kyle chuckled not daring to blink. Ghost stayed silent, but his heart was pounding.

The man went around the corner and abruptly stopped as soon as he saw the image in front of him. Every suspicion leaving him, as he felt uneasy to watch. To your luck, he had some respect for the privacy and intimacy you just shared. Well, that's at least what you thought. That was the second time tonight he should feel a misfortune. But you couldn’t care. He left you alone and that was all that mattered.

Johnny and you broke away and he looked weird down at you. Somehow his face was full of concern, and regret and at the same time his cheeks burned, and he smiled oddly.  “Keep it steady.”, you punched his chest while turning the earpiece on again and rolling your eyes at the Scot. "Just bought us some time. Sorry. On the way out now.", you said while walking back where you left your path. "Dinnea believe that this actually worked.", Johnny hissed a bit breathless next to you and you could hear Kyle joining with a "Same, you lucky bastard." You just rolled your eyes once more as you climbed into the back seat of the car next to Johnny while Ghost already navigated it to the hotel. You couldn't look at Johnny, so you simply stared out of the window. Johnny just stared into the distance in front of him. You agreed on it, you both did and still it left you in an awkward state of mind.

Simon's eyes trailed to the driving mirror, observant as always, he immediately noticed the stains of the red shade on Johnny's lips. His grip around the steering wheel tightened, letting his knuckles turn white when he had to force his eyes back onto the road.

"Good work!", Price said once more as he pulled off the mask, but all of you in the car stayed silent.

taglist: open just lmk

@yyiikes @saffronimagines @originaldeerhottub @illuminwtesz @killergoddess97 @kaelaiscool @spiritndrain @anothersimpsblog

#cod mw x reader #cod x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #john soap mactavish #soap x reader #task force 141 #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost jealous #fake dating #death of peace of mind #cod fanfic #slow burn

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

I Cherish You, Halcyon Days: v.

“You’re gonna die, kid. In the worst way possible.”

tags: afab!reader (she/her), angst, slow burn

pairing: gojou x reader + onesided!getou x reader

summary: You’re 15 years old when you’re told you’re going to die. You’re 17 years old when you realize who your killer will be. And you’re 17 years old when you make peace with the fact you wouldn’t want it any other way.

index | previous chapter | next chapter

"Sister School Exchange?"

"Yeah, it's this thing we do each year with the other of Jujutsu Tech in Kyoto," you lean back against Chinatsu's bed as your non-sorcerer friends look at your curiously.

It's a peaceful Sunday like any other.

Tooru is slouched awkwardly but comfortably at Chinatsu's desk playing Zelda, meanwhile Chinatsu has claimed her bed as her own while she braids her hair. Hard as these days are to come by now that you live in a school remote in some mountains on the countryside-esque outskirts of Tokyo, you relish when you have them. It's a touch of comfort and familiarity. "It's like a sports thing. Loser goes to the winner's school the following year. Last year we won so those suckers are coming to Tokyo."

"Who went where last year?" Chinatsu continues braiding her bright brown hair.

"We went to Kyoto," you expertly leave out the fact you didn't actually get to go. Nor the fact that you wouldn't be participating once again. Your friends don't need to know all that. Stupid special grade technicalities, you want to complain. There's no point, however, with the company you've surrounded yourself with. You're still more than a bit miffed at your inability to attend last year's Exchange.

"Is it an open event where anyone can go?" At your sympathetic grimace, Tooru scowls. "Damn rich people," he swears, rolling his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. His blue-black bangs are pulled back by a hairclip, fully displaying his newfound grumpiness. The idea of sports always kicks Tooru's competitive spirit into overdrive being a member of Tsubame High's rock climbing club. He tried getting you to join your middle school's team once. As it turns out, your grip strength was ass. And it still is if I'm being honest with myself. "Well kick their asses and send those losers back to Kyoto in shambles," Tooru demands as he returns to the visuals of Majora's Mask.

Oh if only. Well, you're certain that victory will be spelled out for your school once again if Gojou and Suguru have anything to say about it. You just know you won't actually play any role in it.

"I'll be sure to let you guys know how it goes."

ー

It's a toss up for you on which days you prefer at Jujutsu Tech. Some days it's Monday, Wednesday, Friday and other times you really appreciate a good Tuesday, Thursday Saturday schedule. It depends on how tired your are... and how much procrastinating you've done on your assignments.

After watching X-Men back in '01, maybe it shouldn't have been a surprise that Jujutsu Tech had regular classes but you still remember your surprise during your first week of first year. Apparently, you actually need to at least know the essential basics society deemed important. As such, Jujutsu Tech operated on a block schedule where certain days detailed which day you'd be learning standard course work or anything related to jujutsu.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday were dedicated to normalcy with classes like Math, Japanese, English and Japanese History. Those were handled by the assistants who actually had teaching licenses. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday were all jujutsu-based. History of Jujutsu, Application of Cursed Techniques and Exorcism and Physical Education. (Physical Education being a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday class was the most surprising for you. But once you found out PE included sparring and mock battles against curses, you understood the picture.) These classes were handled by the sorcerers that did the heavier curse-exorcising work in this field with four teachers assigned a specific grade of students to handle.

With Nanami Kento and Haibara Yuu joining as first years, Fujioka still had her hands full with preparing the first years for the rest of their jujutsu careers.

Being in charge of the second years, Yaga didn't have much to do in terms of teaching late last year after Okita died. So the muscle head seemed pretty excited to go from 0 students to 4.

Yamada's graduated but with Utahime and Mei Mei being the new fourth years, Koizumi still has work to do.

The only teacher doing nothing now until next year rolled around at the Tokyo branch of Jujutsu Tech is Matsuno. If none of you are dead by the time third year rolls around, she'll have 4 students bothering her then.

This particular Saturday, classes have been halved for the day. Thanks again, irregular scheduling. And thanks again, Kyoto Tech. It's not the first day of it, that won't be until Monday. Still, today is the day the Kyoto Tech students are arriving and that is important enough that you don't need a full day of schooling.

You recall the names of the people of interest Utahime mentioned during spring break and try imagining faces to the names while Gojou loudly groans at Shoko's newest terrible attempt at explaining how reversed curse technique works. It doesn't help that it looks like smoke is exiting Haibara's brain in his own confusion.

"I think Shoko's right, Gojou," you grin widely at the snow-haired boy's head swivel in your direction. Even with the sunglasses, you can tell he's irritated. "You just don't have the common sense for it."

"Oh like you're able to understand her gibberish," Gojou's tongue clicks.

You're absolutely not. "Hyoo hyoi, right, Shoko?"

"Hyoo hyoi!" Shoko chirps back deviously. "[First] is getting it."

"See?" You gesture at the girl. A crumpled, empty soda can gets tossed your way and your hands fly out immediately to create a peach-colored shield of energy. "Sore loser!"

"Walking copyright infringement," you hate how that comment actually gets a choked laugh of you while you tell him your technique is called Rejection based on the Phoenix Wright franchise. So what if your abilities are reminiscent of a certain manga character with burnt orange hair and a pair of blue flower pins, Gojou should leave you be. You don't control the way in which jujutsu techniques are passed out.

"Why do I have to be stuck with the generation of teachers that don't know how to do reversed curse technique," he grumbles. "Why does the one person I know who can do it have the explanation abilities of a 5 year old? Who the hell did I piss off in a past life for this?"

Shoko tries to pull out a cigarette but it's snatched out of her hands by Suguru in equal parts concern and his own frustration at her less-than-stellar explanations. "I'm sure the list is long so thanks for spreading your bad luck to me too, Satoru," Gojou sticks out his tongue and brandishes his middle finger brazenly, Suguru flips him the bird right back. Yours and Haibara's giggles fill the air while Nanami, arguably the most sane of the six of you, sighs in annoyance.

It really is unfortunate for everyone that Shoko's pure instincts surrounding her abilities can't be translated into comprehensible words.

You learned the year prior in Application of Cursed Techniques and Exorcism I that it was really only relatively recently the jujutsu schools were established and passing down general knowledge outside of family became a thing. Unfortunately, the time in which these schools were created, information on reversed cursed technique was unable to be secured. So until Shoko is able to explain in full how she does it ー or the rest of you are able to start using it on your own ー Jujutsu Tech won't be receiving any updates to the cursed technique application curriculum.

"Nanami," Gojou points at the blond who already looks like he regrets even stepping one foot out of his dorm today. "Learn how to use RCT and explain it to me like a good underclassman!"

"I'd prefer to have a responsible upperclassman who learns on his own and teaches me instead," came the instant rebuttal from the practical sorcerer-in-training.

"Where's the fun in tradition?"

One last sigh of amusement later, you look at your hands thoughtfully. Rejection. A tiny shield stands tall in front your palm. But if we're talking about missing a few puzzle pieces, I'm assed out too. You sigh as Rejection dissipates. Why can't you have six little faerie creatures to help you create a variety of shields too? When it comes to you second years, it's easy explaining the roles you have based on ability alone.

You're the tank, Shoko's the healer and Getou and Gojou are both different flavors of DPS. That's not necessarily a problem, you know. Even the basics of cursed energy usage can exorcise a curse, but when it comes down to it ー you are your partner are both supports and having a bit of an offensive kick would come in handy at some point in the future.

So you decided at the beginning of second year that if you already were teetering the line of coincidentally ripping off Inoue Orihime's technique, why not go for the full thing and try mimicking the rest too? Your first assignment, creating a shield that sends back the damage and finally start stepping in the direction of acquiring an offensive move set.

It's just been a bit of a work-in-progress developing the technique in secret mostly because you have no idea what you're doing beyond the general principle of what you want to do. Dissonance and Disconnect will be your masterpieces ー whenever you manage to them figure out.

There's a tap on your shoulder, "[First]," Shoko taps you once again. "Help me carry back drinks from the vending machine?"

"Yeah, I got you," you'll figure out your masterpieces later then.

Together the two of you made your way to the nearest vending machine to the training grounds. It's not terribly far but it isn't particularly close either. You grumbled over this fact more than enough during your first year. You understand the lack of students means a lack of vending machines, but it would still be nice if this particular vending machine was close enough you didn't have to walk twenty minutes to get to it. "Do you think we could move it ourselves, actually?"

"Do you really feel like carrying that thing down a flight of stairs?"

"Never mind," you groan.

It's part way through your quest to quench everyone else's thirst when you see him. A boy donned in navy blue and gray traditional clothes and dirty blond hair with dark tips. He's certainly no student of Tokyo Tech, you perk up in realization. The boy is cute, you think. "You're one of the Kyoto students, right?" You wave politely as he glances at you. "We can help you if you're lost."

Amber eyes look you up and down before the boy turns to Shoko alone, "When I heard you were enrolling I was surprised, Ieiri," you can't stop your head from tilting, wide eyes blinking in surprise. "Considering all you're good for is healing your peers, you'd think your family wouldn't invest in your education. Especially considering

"Hey," you glare, sticking a friend out in front of your friend. "The only ones who gets to mess with one of us, is us." It's a privilege, not a right. "And all things considered, since Shoko's able to do shit you clearly can't, you shouldn't be running your mouth."

Amber eyes point your way again as the boy actually addresses you, "you must be the foreigner, your accent is very apparent." You have an accent, what of it? You learned Japanese from the ground and you were proud of the progress. No one can take away from you, least of all this guy. "If anyone shouldn't be speaking here, it's the one from a country so backwater you had to come to a foreign land to learn anything about sorcery."

"Naoya," Shoko finally speaks, mouth pulled into a frown. So this is the face you can put with the name Zenin Naoya. "How horrible to see you too. If you're looking to talk to Gojou and Getou, they're in that direction." The brunette thumbs behind herself in the direction you both came from. "Otherwise, you're a long ways off from the rooms the Kyoto students are supposed to be staying in."

You aren't sure what the boy has to be smirking about and you wonder how much trouble you'd get in if you tried punching him. "I know where I'm heading," the first year states, crossing his arms. "I wanted to see the Six Eyes of the Gojou Clan myself. But it'll be something to see the other special-grade as well."

"Yeah well get a good look at the dudes who are going to kick your-"

"Naoya," a deep voice interjects growing tensions. For once, something akin to a scowl dons Naoya's face as his expression shifts to annoyance. "You said you wouldn't antagonize the Tokyo students if I let you off on your own."

"That wasn't antagonizing, that was small talk," his upperclassman's face tells you he doesn't believe that one bit.

He's tall, albeit not as tall as Gojou or Suguru, with black hair with a dyed streak of green in his bangs."Sorry about our first year," the Kyoto senior bows with an exasperated sigh. You don't envy what he has to deal with. If Naoya had been included in the batch of first years Tokyo Tech received, you're sure you would have transferred schools. Or maybe you would have stayed out of spite. "I'll deal with him."

"Please see that you do," your cheek muscles ache from how forcefully you are smiling. What the actual hell is wrong with that guy? You side-eye your partner as the Kyoto first year skulks off, likely ignoring the scolding his upperclassman is giving him. "Why doesn't he have a hate club?"

"Believe it or not, that's not even as bad as he gets. That was actually Naoya at his best," Shoko has to be joking. This is another one of her dry humor jokes. Unfortunately, there's not even a wink of playfulness in her eyes. If that's this guy's best, I don't want to see what his worst is. "The rest of us were in a secret Hope Naoya Gets Homeschooled Alliance. Sadly all our efforts have clearly been for naught."

"Yeah, you guys really should have tried harder," you aren't sure there is any word in any language that could best describe him besides 'worst' and 'brat. And you know what? He isn't even that cute! The culmination of terrible traits in asshole shoujosei love interests created a terrible creature. I'll never say Gojou's a waste of a pretty face ever again. 

Even at Gojou's absolute worse, he's never held a candle to the display of disrespect you bore witness to. "I really need us to win this year. I am so serious if we lose to that pompous asshole, I'll quit being a sorcerer because I refuse to accept defeat from him. Matter of fact," you cross your arms obstinately. "I know we're winning this year and I can't wait to see his walk of shame out of Tokyo. It isn't enough for him to lose, he has to be utterly humiliated."

"I hope he fights Getou," your rant certainly appeals to the brunette who nods in agreement. "It would have been better if Getou was a girl," despite the disappointment that is your reality, Shoko's eyes dance with mischief. "But either way, he'll hate losing to someone who comes from a non-sorcerer family the most." At your look, Shoko blinks in realization. "Right, you wouldn't know. The Zenin's have a saying that basically boils down to the only sorcerer's worth their salt are from the Zenin family, but a non-sorcerer is basically less than human."

Every time you learn something new about the Amazing Sexists, the less you like what you hear. "Geez that family sounds like a real piece of work," you stick out your tongue in annoyance. "I want him to fight Gojou," you nod to yourself in satisfaction. "Their families hate each other, right? So if he loses to him I just know his parents will be pissed. 'How dare you lose to the son of the Gojou family! You're no son of ours! Leave this house!' or something like that."

Shoko's bob dances as she shakes her head, "doubt it. When you're that strong, winning is guaranteed. They'd be disappointed but not surprised, if anything."

"Why 'cause Gojou's a special-grade?" You purse your lips in your prodding. "Because if that's what we're going off of Suguru's got the win in the bag too. Or is it the Gojou comes from sorcerer family thing?"

"Partly the latter," Shoko admits. "But I told you before already. Gojou's pretty much a legend to sorcerers," yes, it is hard to forget when everyone talked about it. "They'd expect a loss if Naoya had to fight him. Maybe if he had the Ten Shadows they'd think he had a fighting chance, but I doubt he does because it would be talked about all over if he inherited it."

Has Gojou always been so... Your mind struggles for the right word. It dawns on you then that Naoya had referred to him as the Six Eyes instead of Gojou's family or given name. Objectified? It's an unpleasant feeling to admit to yourself that he is. Even slightly more so as you try to recall if you've done so yourself and how much you may if you did. You're sure you have. You must have. What else were the bulk of your rants with Utahime were about if Gojou ever organically came up in conversation?

"He's still just some guy," you wonder if your words are more meant to self-soothe than a solid argument. "He thinks eating pancakes is substantial for dinner. I don't know how he's never had a cavity."

"A guy who'll be in the future Jujutsu Tech textbooks and we won't even be footnotes," Shoko sighs at her joke of self-deprecation. "But yeah, it's too bad they won't have anything in there about how he eats his weight in junk food." She pulls out a piece of paper where she has everyone else's desired drinks scrawled on. "Anyway, let's finish getting the drinks."

ー

This isn't the first time you've come out to the training grounds past curfew, but you would have head in by now.

Perhaps it's your irritation at Naoya that has you practicing longer than usual. Or perhaps it's your own inability to advance your technique and the frustration beginning to boil over. It's likely a mixture of both. It's well-past dinner and the sun has set for the evening, your only light source being a lantern you took out of the storage shed.

If there's another thing this school needs, it is stadium lights for the training grounds.

"Uwah," You look behind you, noticing the approaching footsteps and you spot a familiar head of messy white hair. "I would have thought you were sneaking off somewhere more exciting."

"How'd you know I was sneaking out?"

"Was up playing Momotetsu a few times and I saw your cursed energy moving around," Gojou shrugs. It truly is hard to hide anything from those eyes. You wondered in the past if his ocular abilities were passive or something that needed to be activated. When you saw his eyes glowing in the past, you came to the conclusion it's a mixture of both depending on what he needed to see. His sunglasses are on but in your dark surroundings, you don't see any signs of azure glow. Seeing cursed energy must be one of the passives. "Finally got curious to see where you heading off the past couple weeks. Didn't expect it to be here."

"Well now you know," you rest a hand on your hip. "Go back to playing Momotetsu."

Gojou dropped a hand above his hidden eyes as if blocking out the sun, "Nah, I'm looking for Orihime's faeries now, they're out here somewhere," haha very funny, Gojou hasn't said that one before. Ever. His grin widens as he takes in the unamused roll of your eyes. "What are you doing back out here? I could hear your big feet clunking around even with my walkman on."

"If you must know," you ignore his last jab petulantly as he comes closer. "I'm trying to evolve how Rejection works by ripping off Orihime's moves. Sadly these faeries aren't worth shit, they're stingy and only work for her." That earns a snicker from your new audience and that manages to make you perk up. "Jokes aside though, I'm pretty sure I can make Rejection be a return-to-sender and even get it to cut things in half if I try hard enough. So I've been trying it out."

"Must suck not having a users manual," Gojou whistles.

You huff in agreement, kicking a nearby pebble. "Who are you telling?" That's the trial-and-error of coming from non-sorcerer families. Everything you learn about your cursed technique is through figuring it out on your own. Weird glowing orb thing? It's was just Suguru doing as dumb kids do when he decided to swallow it and see what would happen. You didn't even start using Rejection until you were 10, well past the usual date of ability manifestation, all because of an accident. "But if I look at it from a different angle, this just means there's no pre-existing guide to tell me Rejection can't do this or that. I test out those limits myself and be the one who makes the guide."

And if you ever had kids, they'd be the beneficiaries. If you ever lived long enough to get to the point you'd start considering them. You shake head, physically tossing the thoughts out of your brain. "Anyways, like I said, I'm going all in on the copyright infringement. What Kubo doesn't know won't hurt him," you chuckle to yourself. "So I'm starting out with trying to get Rejection to return attack energy back at specific triggers."

Gojou looks between you and the noticeably empty space in front of you. You can already tell what your classmate is thinking ー must be pretty difficult when there's literally nothing to shoot anything at what you put up. "... and you're doing that how?"

You puff your cheeks sheepishly, glancing pointedly in a different direction, "Casper's been a great assistant to me lately."

"So all you've been doing is wasting cursed energy and hoping something happens?"

"On the bright side, I've gotten really good at putting my technique up with various poses over the past couple weeks," you offer weakly with a cough. So far you've mastered the Jotaro Kujo point, the Okuyasu The Hand swipe and the Kakyoin Emerald Splash.

That comment gets you a light swat to the back of your head and you move to elbow him back, but you only meet the infinity between you both. "Just get to posing out your shields and I'll blast cursed energy at it," Gojou flicks his fingers back in a shooing motion as he walks a couple meters away from you. Before you can even attempt to dissuade him, he's already in position. "Tell Casper to take a hike for a while. You don't pay him enough to do overtime."

"You'll help me?" You've never trained personally with Gojou. Likely because neither of you felt the need. You didn't like him and you likely weren't someone worth training with from his perspective. You'd sooner expect Hell to freeze over. It must have frozen over then.

"I don't know how you're planning on making a shield that shoots back attacks without actually having something shot at it," he shrugs in the dim light of the lantern. "And I'm already out here."

"You know what," you rest your hands on your hips. "Dinner's on me tonight, what do you want? This is gonna work up an appetite for me and you eat like a horse anyway."

"Seriously?"

"Just don't say pancakes. Or waffles," you rack your brain for different loopholes. "Actually, I'm putting in stipulations ー there needs to be a protein and a vegetable, bare minimum. I'm making sure you eat actual food tonight." You're pretty sure there's salmon leftover from the other night from when Nanami cooked. And I could sauté the spinach so he doesn't complain much. "Salmon, sauteed spinach and something else. I don't want this to take forever so I guess I'll just go with rice since it's already late." Rice it'll be then. "This is your reward for helping me!"

There's a decent-sized blast of energy that hurls in your direction. "Um, excuse me, I thought I was supposed to pick what we eat?"

"Rejection!" True to your word, you point as if you're the JoJo of Stardust Crusaders. There's no energy that shoots back in Gojou's direction, but you'll figure out a pattern before the night is over. Maybe I should try something where Rejection can pocket that energy and then it gets shot back? "I changed my mind," you snort. "You're eating what I make and you'll like it. I don't need you dying of a sugar coma before the Exchange Event properly begins."

"Oh come on, it's a treat for helping you out, shouldn't I call the shots here?" The pouting begins much to your lack of surprise. "What sort of reward dinner is this? If this is how you treat them, I can see why the faeries didn't want to help you out!"

"Do you want a free dinner?" When there's no slick comment shot your way, you consider this a victory. "Beat Zenin Naoya's ass to kingdom come and maybe I'll consider making something you want without any sort of fine print. Do we got ourselves a deal?"

There's a smile in Gojou's voice. A smug smile, but it is in his tone nonetheless while he speaks, "I'd do that even if there wasn't a free meal on the line, you know."

index | previous chapter | next chapter

Extra

And we're back to our usually scheduled programming. I update once per week for four weeks, two week hiatus, then back to consistent updates. At least, that's what I decided on other platforms to give myself a break here and there.

Admittedly the Orihime copyright infringement joke is one of the few jokes I've been waiting to make. Glad this moment is finally here.

You also finally get to meet your buddies from middle school, Tooru and Chinatsu. There's another buddy too but he's a special case who won't be showing up for some chapters. I honestly have an entire mini TV series worth of shenanigans concerning this friend group but y'all will just have the tip of the iceberg. Hopefully when that gets touched on in a future chapter, you guys will find it as amusing as I do. Like I made it a point to mention, the Reader really wants to hold onto what she can of her non-sorcerer life. She's "*Miles Morales voice* I can do both" about it

Anyways, you and Gojou are bonding some more and it doesn't relate to food. This is growth. Reblogs and Likes appreciated.

#look she's writing #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo x reader #gojou x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #geto x reader #getou x reader #geto suguru x reader #getou suguru x reader #i cherish you halcyon days

[stars-n-spice]

Thoughts on s3 ep 07!

fuckin bitchass episode broke my "no crying streak" of fuckin,, one episode, fuck you

anyways,, y'all know the drill,, spoilers and me screaming under the cut!

i love commander wolffe so much

when the clone assassin (who is Tech,, let's just be honest here,,) got out from under the rocks I was like, "Hey what the fuck,, that should've KILLED you" and was also like "ok so that's definitely Tech, why the fuck does he keep coming back??"

wolffe being like "these are clones" gave me so much hope,, baby I hope you come around and join your brothers,, I am BEGGING

something something,, being defective,, not following orders,, the clone assassin operative,, yeah,,

uGH wolffe looks so so so good in TBB animation

Batcher licking Nemec :(

Crosshair does a lot of,,, "I'll handle it",, he wants to feel useful I'm - :(((((

shakey hands,, ughhhh

the "operative" is surviving WAY too much for him not to be important

"we need to go" - "we're waitin on you" :(((

"she only bites half of the time" OH MY GOD,, PLEASE

I love you Batcher, you are the best girl

GET YOUR FUCKING DOG BITCH - IT DON'T BITE - YES IT DO,,

lmao i really thought they were going to get away and then they got fucking shot down,,

Wrecker's groan when Batcher jumped on him to get out of the ship asldkf;a

I'm so happy about Wrecker not getting a lot of screen time but I'm also not,, because to me less screen time means less of a chance of him dying or something but it also means less of me getting to see him

but everything he does on screen is wonderful,, he's amazing and I love him and he could just be standing there in the background just breathing and i'll be acting like he just blew up the death star or something

CROSSHAIR IS SUCH A GIRL DAD

I cannot get over Crosshair and Omega's dynamic oh my GOD

Star wars, you can't give us this good of a dynamic for only ONE season,, PLEASE let them survive

him checking up on her,, making sure she has all her things and sticks close :((( FUCK

I love how it sounds like it's physically hurting Crosshair to ask Omega if she's good and has her things together,, that's so funny to me

"You're just as bad as Hunter" - "Oh, I'm much worse." OH MY GOD.

screaming crying throwing up

i went, "Nemec and Howzer better not die" AND THEN LIKE TWO MINUTES LATER NEMEC GOT FUCKING SNIPED

i was so mad

CMON

Howzer changing his mind about Crosshair :(( wondering if he's thinking about Hera :((((

"Loyalty meant something to me" UGHHHHH, fucking,, AGGUHHH,, the essays that could be written on Crosshair and loyalty,, FUCK

oh the way Crosshair is as open as he is to talk about what happened :(((

godDAAMMNN

when Wrecker did the thing,, where,, he like,,, he um,, y'know,, like the,, move where,, and he,, he bashes,, bashes uh the two,,, bashes two heads together,, and knocks them unconscious,, hmm, yeah,,,

WRECKER PROTECTING BATCHER?!?!

that man is perfect oh my god,, fucking HELL,, I want him so badly,,

"I don't like that idea" - "too bad" AGHHHH YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

something something Crosshair doing the most to feel useful and needed UGGHHH

hey is it just me or did the animation for the water with the waterfall look,, like,, weird?? or strange?? idk,, it just seemed off to me

ALSO THAT FIGHT?? fuck that was cool

also if that really is Tech,, Crosshair got his ass handed to him by Tech lmao

BUT ALSO IF THAT WAS TECH,, the fucking angst man,, he seriously almost killed Crosshair,, holy shit

Howzer's new look is so,, MMh,, the,, fuck,, the holster straps on his thighs,,, the pouch on his chest,, ughh

the fact that these operatives like,, KNOW Crosshair,, they KNOW he went through the program and didn't comply the way he should've,, idk,, it's just,,

"you chose the wrong side" FUCKING LEAVE HIM ALONE MAN YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP MAKING HIM QUESTION SHIT AND HIS PLACE IN EVERYTHING FUUUCCCKK

Crosshair looked fucking terrified during that fight and for good reason too he was getting his ASS handed to him (granted he doesn't have much of one but still-)

also,, him being not super great in hand to hand combat got me thinking because,, dude's a sniper,, he keeps his distance,, his thing is long range shit,, and fucking,, boy if that doesn't reflect on his character,, not wanting to get close,, keeping a distance,, MAN

HOWZER TO THE RESCUE <33

for the like,, third time my assurance that this operative is Tech was ruined as he fell down that waterfall but I am a fucking FOOL

Crosshair said "thanks" that's fucking crazy

OH I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT REX AND WOLFFE HAVING A FACE TO FACE TALK (hunter and Cross take notes)

UGGHHH SO HAPPY I GOT TO SEE WOLFFE'S BEAUTIFUL FACE

i was so scared when Wolffe was like "I'm a soldier of the Empire" BABY YOU'RE NOT

PLO KOON COME GET YOUR SON AND FORCE GHOST TALK SOME SENSE INTO HIS FINE ASS

but then he let them go :((

Gregor showed up on the screen and I fucking,,, I fucking swooned

wolffe is going to be in SO much trouble after this,, oh my god,, I'm so scared for him

BUT THAT BETTER NOT BE THE LAST TIME WE SEE HIM FUCKING HELL

did i mention how fucking fine Wolffe looks in TBB animation??

there's so many fucking wide shots of,, characters on opposite ends of each other,, like,, fucking hell,, i get it

WE GOT THE SEELOS TRIO IN A SCENE TOGETHER AGUUHHHH

Gregor you are so fine

his new armor,, ughh

WOLFFE fucking,, mmmh,, shit

fucking knew the operative would survive that shit,, fucking hell

alrighty folk BUCKLE up,, seems like the next episodes we're going to start getting some confirmations about Omega!

cried when Rex and Wolffe were talking to each other

i was so happy the "i thought the end of the war would be the end to losing our brothers" conversation from the trailer was here because I was scared it was going to be a conversation that was going to happen after losing Echo or something,,, for now he's safe

ugh,, i already miss wolffe

#tbb #tbb s3 #tbb spoilers #tbb s3 spoilers #the bad batch #bad batch #tbb hunter #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #tbb wrecker #tbb omega #captain rex #captain howzer #commander wolffe

[seananmcguire]

Hi Seanan! I recently threw some more of your creatures into the my DnD5e-ish game I'm running- I homebrewed a Cait Sidhe race, and let my players rescue a colony of Aeslin Mice (redubbed "loremice," so I don't have to figure out what "Aeslin" means when my players ask.) The mice have so far named a God of Smokey Rescue, a God of Deceptive Size, and a God of Ominous Declaration. :)

I realize I could make up whatever rules I want for their specifics, since it's my game and I haven't gotten my players to read your work yet, so they wouldn't notice any inaccuracies. But I think it'd be cool to portray them as accurately as possible to the way you see them.

So! If you're willing, I have a couple questions!

1. Do you know what the rough ratio of Shadow Roads distance to not-Shadow-Roads distance is? I'm homebrewing a spell for the Cait Sidhe Shadow Roads thing, and I'd like to give my Cait Sidhe player some hard numbers to work with when they wanna push the limits of their range.

2. For the same player, can you share what the Shadow Roads look like to a Cait Sidhe? We can assume Tybalt isn't as blind as October is in there, but I can't remember her ever asking him precisely how he navigates.

3. I was gonna remove the Aeslin "God/Priestess" gender distinction for my loremice, because the women at my table would have questions and I wouldn't know how to justify it. I don't expect you'd mind much, but it feels mildly disrespectful to the source material anyway (like, what if I'm just using this as an excuse to remove it, because I dislike this Aeslin habit myself?). So I'm torn. Do you know an explanation I could give my players to make sure they don't mistake the mice as sexist?

3.5. I was also considering a compromise solution to this. I'm considering making all the player characters "Gods" to the mice initially, then having the mice switch to using "Priest(ess)" to refer to PCs who converse most directly with the mice, who make the most effort to force their way past the HAILs and be treated as equals. I'd have them act slightly more casual and less reverent to the Priests and Priestesses, make it easier for them to hold productive conversations with the mice than it is for Gods. I felt this could pay enough homage to your work to alleviate my baseless guilt, while beating the potential sexism allegations. And since I have you here on Tumblr, I wanted to get your input on it- is that uncomfortably far from your vision of Aeslin Worship?

If you can't answer any of these, either because they feel spoilery or because you haven't canonized answers to them in your own head, that's fine! I can figure it out. But you've found time for my Tumblr asks before, so I figure I may as well run it by you.

Maybe I'll add Cu Sidhe as a playable race next... if my players are mature enough to handle how I believe it's pronounced, haha.

This is all very neat, but I started my numbered list before I said that, and can't get out of it!

About 1:10.

The Shadow Roads are absolute blackness even to the Cait Sidhe. They're just a little warmer/it's possible to breathe there, if not comfortably. They navigate by feel, and generally "know" when it's time to exit to the "real world" again.

It's not disrespectful to the source material, honest. The mice who live with the Price family, whether Portland or Penton Hall, are still operating under a foundational commandment that Beth Evans didn't know she was giving, when she told them they couldn't set her above her husband, who they had already declared a god. So the mice aren't sexist, because they barely comprehend human sexual dimorphism: they're just following the orders they were given when they were first adopted by this particular liturgical tradition. A colony that hadn't received that commandment could pick any other set of titles. As a rule, you will have two: one for people who are worshiped but not listened to, and one the other way around.

That works!

[reactionimagesdaily]

REACTION IMAGES BLOG PATCH NOTES (aka the 10k follower celebrations got out of hand)

Hey everyone!

So it's been a hot minute since I announced that we passed 10,000 followers on here! I'm sure... well, I'm actually sure that most people won't be TOO fussed either way, but I did say I was gonna do some stuff, and I wanna stick to my word if nothing else xD

So! Let the celebrations begin! Firstly, I'm announcing a new QnA (I love those things) that'll last,,,, I'll say 2 weeks and go from there. Feel free to ask me about whatever you want!! If you want to cater to me specifically, my current big interests are Baldur's Gate 3, Cyberpunk 2077, Mass Effect, and uuuuh Halo. (Also Bionicle remains a constant.) (Lots of scifi videogame stuff at the moment...)

[IK there's still some stuff in the inbox I need to answer/respond to you - I promise I'll get to those as well <3 thank you so much for your patience, if you've been waiting]

Secondly, here's a new song cover! IDK how many of you have played the game Divinity: Original Sin 2, but here's me singing Lohse's song; Sing For Me.

Thirdly: here's a new gimmick blog! I Was Not Joking. (Though, for my sanity, it's gonna be weekly instead of daily.) I'll be posting the images I have saved in my folder called 'feral screenshots' - it'll basically be a collection of cursed images/images with strange auras. I wanna say y'all know the ones, but if you don't, then here's an example of what we're dealing with:

[Image ID: a person floating in a rubber ring in a swimming pool. On their head is what looks like a life-size Lego head.]

Introduciiiiing the Weekly Weird Images blog!

And Fourthly! It is my great pleasure to announce that we're adding alt text to all the images on this blog! Sorry it took so long to get round to T_T

And yes - I do mean we! To write out all the alt text for these images, I've on-boarded minion-in-chief/court jester aplomb @tizzytinkertilly! I (the reaction images guy) will still be handling every other part of the blog - she'll just be doing that bit. For the sake of my sanity xD

This is kind of a big change - both the addition of alt text, and the fact that this blog is no longer a single-person operation - so for the foreseeable future, the queue's been tweaked so that we only post 2 images a day instead of 4. (Fun fact! 2 images a day was the original MO of this blog, and then covid happened and I was like "I'll make it 4 a day because it'll be a nice thing to do for everyone while they're miserable in this pandemic :)" and then I never stopped (although you could argue that the pandemic never stopped either).) Maybe if/when we fall into a good routine and feel like we can do more, we can bump the rate of images back up, but right now this is a teething phase and I'm keen to slow things down for a little bit. :P (Tumblr has made some WEIRD mechanical choices for group blogs, I'll be honest.)

And, uh, yeah, that's all! Let the QnA begin- Hope y'all enjoy the song cover- Hope y'all enjoy the additional blog- A big welcome to Tinks and to alt text! Happy 10k followers, everybody!

#bwaaaaaah I can finally post this #It's taken way longer than it probably should have to get all of this together #Personally I blame executive dysfunction #but HOORAAY we're here now #not a pic #10k extravabonganza

[earlgraytay]

why death note isn't copaganda

Since y'all seem to like my Death Note Metaposting, here's another nugget for you to chew on: I don't think Death Note is copaganda. Either in intent or execution.

I think that Death Note is a story from a very specific time and place, with a very specific target audience. It is a Japanese story from the 2000s, and it's aimed at edgy thirteen-year-old boys.

Japan does not, technically, have a rating system for TV. But most media outlets do choose to self-censor. (To give you an idea of how that looks in practice, I turned to Eirin- the Japanese film ratings board. Eirin splits movies into G, PG-12, R-15, and R-18. Most anime movies are somewhere between PG-12 and R-15. Drug use and abstract supernatural horror tends to get treated much less harshly by Eirin than by the MPAA, but graphic violence, criminal behaviour, and nudity/sex get a much harsher penalty in Japan than they do in the USA.)

A Japanese show for preteen boys in 2005 could not portray the cops as being fundamentally corrupt and violent, any more than an American show for preteen boys could have. So... assuming the writers of Death Note had Some Things To Say about the police, they had to make some choices. They had to figure out how to convey what they wanted to convey- "having the power to kill fucks you up, and cops have that power"- without pissing off their publisher or their TV company.

The easiest way- and the laziest- would have been to make one cop, perhaps Light's Dad, into the Designated Corrupt Punching Bag that the Good Cops have to defeat to catch their criminal. Maybe the Corrupt Punching Bag cop would use a lot of bureaucratic red tape that the Good Guys have to punch through to get their man, or slow down the justice process by insisting on Correct Procedure at all points.

That writing decision positions the failures of the police department as the failure of one man. That writing decision implies that forcing cops to follow the rules that are designed to keep people safe from them actually puts people in danger. I think you could definitely call that writing decision copaganda= and too many shows, on both sides of the ocean, choose it.

But that is not what Death Note chooses to do.

Another way Death Note could have handled the problem is to just... sidestep it. Completely take the focus off of the police, throw in a line about how they're baffled, and let our Genius Detective Hero-Antagonists handle the case completely. In this version of Death Note, we'd have no Aizawa or Matsuda, Soichiro would just be Light's father, and L/Mello/Near would be the only ones pursuing the investigation.

This writing decision positions the police as irrelevant in a way that means you don't have to think about them. The Police Are Baffled, and that's all you need to know; they've handed the case off, and the story goes into the realm of The Outsider Boy Detective Story. This isn't copaganda, per se; it acknowledges that the police are a flawed force that can need outside help... but it's not engaging with the social issues that make the police genuinely flawed. It's veering into pure fantasy. And that can be a valid decision...

But that is not what Death Note chooses to do.

Death Note chooses to actively present the police as being good, but deeply flawed people... who, because of the system they operate in, have no choice but to become bad people. The cops we get to know are kind, funny, ordinary people. But for one reason or another, they don't notice the monster in their midst, until it's too late. And Light's influence corrupts them- or forces them out.

I'll admit that I'm going off my interpretation of the anime here, which does make some significant changes from the manga, but considering that the big change to the ending that the anime makes from the manga is continued into every future adaptation? I feel comfortable including it in my analysis.

[oh, and, uh, spoilers for the end of Death Note, obvs.]

Soichiro refuses to believe that his son could be a criminal. He knows Light's a smart cookie, and he trusts Light's sense of justice. He comes to treat Light as something of a superior officer, even though Light is his teenage son. ...And Light repays him by sending him off on a suicide mission. I mentioned this on a reblog of the original post, but when Soichiro gets his hands on the Death Note? He dehumanizes the criminals he's been sent to kill, the other members of his squad, and ultimately, himself. He treats everyone like they're an expendable cog in a big machine. No one is a person; everything is something to be used in pursuit of Justice. And unlike Light, Soichiro includes himself in that. Soichiro falls into the ultimate trap of being a Good Cop. If you fight for justice as a cop, you wind up utterly expendable. If you're a Good Cop, you die, on command, and take as many people with you as your overlords see fit.

Matsuda also looks up to Light, though for slightly better reasons; they did more or less join the force around the same time, if you count Light joining the Kira Investigation as Light becoming a cop. Matsuda implicitly trusts Light, especially by the start of Season 2. He sees himself as naiive, weak, careless, and stupid- even though he's actually really good at his job. Matsuda is sympathetic to Kira, but thinks he's going about things the wrong way, and that surely there's got to be a better way to make a better world? ....And then Matsuda discovers that everything he thought he knew was wrong. That Light is Kira, and always was. That Kira wasn't a good guy doing things the wrong way, that he was callously manipulating the entire task force this entire time, and that Matsuda has been his patsy. And Matsuda goes out swinging. Matsuda shoots Kira. And hits. More than once. If Ryuk hadn't decided to put Light out of his misery, it would be Matsuda's fault that Light died without real justice being done. If Soichiro is what happens to you when you're a Good Cop, then Matsuda shows how a Good Cop can become a Bad Cop. A moment of anger at the wrong time, a realization that you've been living a lie, or a criminal the cop cannot see as a person anymore? He uses the power of life and death. The power that the viewer has just been told is murder. Only instead of coming from the inkwell of a pen, it's from the barrel of a gun.

Aizawa is... interesting. I'll admit, I remembered him as being The Cop Who Leaves, and that coloured my interpretation until I went back to check the wiki. It turns out he left and came back- what I remembered as "Aizawa working as a private investigator" was Aizawa working well within the bounds of the Kira investigation, but going behind Light's back to talk to Near. But I do think it's significant that Aizawa, more than anyone else in the Kira investigation, is the one who's able to leave. When the Kira investigation gets defunded by the Japanese government, it's Aizawa who can walk- who feels like he has the duty to walk, because he has something to live for that's more important than Justice. Catching Kira is less important than making sure his wife and kid don't starve, after all. He moves to a different part of the police force, and considers leaving the force altogether. And even after he's come back to the Kira investigation, he's detached enough from it that he can see Light's transparent bullshit for what it is. Aizawa is the Good Cop. He follows procedure when he can; when he can't- because the investigation is too corrupt, mostly- he still tries to do what would make the world a better place for everyone. He isn't violent; he isn't cruel; he isn't into justice as retribution. FFS, Aizawa tries to hold back Matsuda from shooting Light. The writers have said that if more people were like Aizawa, the world would be a better place.... And Aizawa is the guy who can leave. Who does leave. Whose loyalty is to his family and his own morals, not to the police as an agency, not to his comrades on the force, not to the thin blue line.

A couple of people have pointed out to me that in Death Note How To Read 13, the writers have said that they didn't have a theme they were going for. And honestly, that'd explain some of the hiccups with the writing.

But I can't help but feel like, even if it's unintentional, the way that the major cop characters' arcs play out is a very well structured critique of some common copaganda tropes.

I think that Death Note is only copaganda if you define "copaganda" as "there is a cop character who is sympathetic" without interrogating what the show is saying with its cops beyond that. And considering that Death Note is a show written for tweens, in a country where respect for authority is paramount? I think that the show's done as much as you can reasonably expect it to to subvert Being Copaganda.

(If anyone wants to say that the Autistic Detective Crew is somehow copaganda, a) I have another essay locked and loaded, do not test me, the short version of which is b) there are two genres of detective fiction, and the one that L/Mello/Near are part of is not part of the tradition that gave us copaganda, it's the other one.)

#death note #shoichiro yagami #touta matsuda #shouta aizawa #copaganda #< that doesn't even look like a real word anymore jfc #general malarkey #tumblr malarkey #fandom malarkey

[novelmachine]

Been looking for Twitter alternatives, and other social media sites in general. I'm on the waitlist for Bluesky. No idea when I'll see that, and I haven't heard much about it either. I signed up for CuriousCat for funsies, but I don't think it's what I was looking for. I likely won't use it much. Now on to the juicy stuff.

Last night I signed up for Threads and I already don't like it. Right now, there are zero ways to control your dashboard. Or much of anything, really. Just the basic functions of Instagram, but with words. I'll see one or two posts from people I follow before an endless stream of thoughts from people I don't know or care about. Seeing the 4,508,877th member badge on my Insta page, as it relates to Threads, just hammers home how we're all just pieces of data to get swallowed up by the conglomerate. Not even bothering to hide the fact that it's all a numbers game. The app itself is clunky, lacking soul and personality. It's so boring to look at. A lifeless machine, and all 30+ million users and growing are the franticly spinning cogs.

I've signed up for Pilowfort a little while ago and I like it so far. Its closer to Tumblr. Given that Tumblr is always on the brink of disappearing, it wouldn't hurt to have a back-up. There are posts for everyone to see that live on your blog, but there are also individual communities that act as forums. Posts can have individual comment sections, which I guess helps keep things on-topic. I'm going to slowly transition to cross-posting both old and new posts there. It seems promising, and the interactions I've had with other users thus far have been pleasant. I've already seen a few guides and helpful tips for the internet refugees.

Then there's Spoutible. It was touted as black-owned, having no algorithm, and having mods that handled hate speech and bigots swiftly and appropriately. Those are some green flags. They also have a cute little whale mascot, so all that combined had me. It is the closest to a Twitter clone I've come across so far. The interface is easy to understand and navigate. Posts are limited to 300 characters, and can include pictures, gifs, videos, and polls. There are a lot of safety measures for you to customize your experience to avoid malicious accounts. One being a rating system ranging from Normal to Problematic to help distinguish normies from bots. To post something is to "Spout Off." The trending topics page is titled "Making Waves." I like the vibes, and I believe this app has a lot of promise.

The truth is I've been kind of ambivalent to Twitter, even years before the Elon fiasco. When I first joined, it was for following my middle school and high school friends. After I graduated, those relationships fell off one by one. My dashboard morphed into a cascade of influencer updates and artist promotions. All I could offer was superficial consumption and meaningless life updates. Posting became a competition of who could be the funniest or who had the hottest take, and your whole psyche takes a hit when you just can't hack it. Maybe a restart was inevitable, and necessary for all of our sakes. I'll be taking Twitter off of my Linktree and other socials for the time being, and I don't see the point in linking any of these new socials until I've had enough time to play with them and figure things out.

TLDR: I'm not a tech genius. I simply operate on vibes. Bluesky is mysterious, more data needed. Threads is bloated and leans heavily on the algorithm. Pillowfort is a nice comfy space, just need to get used to it. Spoutible has potential and immaculate vibes.

#social media #pillowfort #threads #bluesky #spoutible #curious cat #hannah speaks

[ferromagnetiic]

Does anyone in your crew get a pass to act chummy with other pirates outside of your crew? Like the Strawhats or Shanks?

The question brings with it an immediate air of hostility; umbrage, displayed in tensed brow and teeth bared in a snarl like a taunted dog. The mention of Red Hair's name could only be used as bait to provoke him into an impassionate rage. They knew what they were doing by bringing him up in the context of hypothetical companionship; this was a pointed attempt to piss him off, and it was inevitable it would be effective. Kid wonders if he should even bother following through with clarification, when the dead don't have any use for exposition. Tempting as it may be to answer the matter with bloodshed, he'll hold back the urge with both hands gripping his temper's leash. He'll take that hanging bait, and he'll sink his canines into it for the sake of not looking like a pushover who's lenient with his crew gallivanting off with whomever they may please. Hell, maybe some of his men could do with a refresher on how things operate under his command. He knows exactly what this is about; a certain golden-eyed Straw Hat who's found herself a comfortable spot in his bed.

❝ Ya come to my face and start askin' questions about how I look after my men, yer gonna go home in a coffin. Ya got some damn fuckin' nerve. ❞

The threat is punctuated with a pronounced scoff.

❝ Ya think I let my crew walk all over me? Ya think I don't have anythin' to say about them running off with the enemy whenever they want? Nah, this ain't playtime anymore. ❞

When he speaks, Kid's voice is low; austere, unyielding. This is not an open debate, and nothing he says it up for further discussion.

❝ Most important thing to me is honesty. Maybe we ported at some island, bumped into another crew; maybe one of my boys found some pretty thing he wants to take to bed. I'm not gonna stop him if he's upfront about that. I just don't want any affiliations being kept secret from me. I don't like my men sneakin' around behind my back, doing shit they don't want me knowin' about. It's not a good look if I catch ya runnin' off with the enemy without a word. ❞

If they were open about the friendship, he was a lot more willing to be compliant with them spending time together. Trust and loyalty were quick to break, and practically impossible for Kid to rebuild once lost. No matter how innocent their intentions may be, if he discovered someone on his crew had been maintaining a secret relationship with their rival, it would be cause for him to be alarmed. Though he trusted each and every one of the members of his crew with his life, he didn't trust others with an ounce; he needed to know who to hunt down if anyone went missing, and who would need to compensate with blood if anyone was hurt.

❝ Thing is, if one of my men gets attacked, I expect him to be able to defend himself. If he can't, I'll have to step in and do it for him. Either way, if shit goes south and that partnership turns sour, I ain't willing to lose one of my crew over it. It's kill or be killed. Backstabbers don't get second chances, and I wanna know who was holdin' the knife. ❞

Everyone on this side of the ocean was out for blood. He couldn't afford to let his guard down; not when he knew the colossal damage misguided trust could do firsthand.

Power dynamics were always at the forefront of Kid's mind, with the stronger members of his crew being granted the most freedom. If Killer, Heat, or Wire, for example, were to inform him that they were spending some spare time with a rival crew member, Kid wouldn't being opposed to it. When he didn't perceive a rival pirate to be a threat, he didn't believe there was much to be concerned about. They had earned their status as his strongest men, and he wouldn't condescend them by fussing over their safety when he knew they could handle themselves. When the power balance was in favor of the enemy, however, he tended to be more wary.

A pause, then, somewhat stiff; grumbled words, like he's coming clean about something he doesn't particularly enjoy admitting, though he considered the statement valuable enough to verbalize.

❝ 'Sides. Ya can't pair all our rivals together into one pot. Ya come here actin' like 'salright to get buddy-buddy with Red Hair's men; fuck that, 'course it bloody ain't. Fact is, Straw Hat handles shit differently. We're still rivals, but as long as ya don't hurt his crew, he ain't gonna bother us. ❞

#tw long post #【 ⚙ ˊˎ | CIVILIAN CASUALTIES | anon. 】 #【 ⚙ ˊˎ | GET OUT OF MY WAY | ask. 】 #【 ⚙ ˊˎ | RECKLESS TONGUE | ic. 】 #// oh boy. he didn't read that question very well;;;; #// he totally saw that as being passive aggressive. even if it wasn't meant to be lol #// that was just how he heard it and how he interpreted it anyway. #// sorry that was a lot of rambling !!! #// but thank you for sending! that was good for character analysis #// it was good to be able to clear that up! #// i had fun writing it! #// i love getting anons like this!

[piracytheorist]

A clueless anime only reacts!

So @yumeka-sxf (thank you, publicly this time!) volunteered to send me out-of-context, non-spoilery manga screenshots, and I was so happy about it and amused by them that I'm making a post reacting and very vaguely predicting what they could be about.

THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO SPOIL ME. If I'm incorrect, let me have fun being incorrect. If you decide to send me manga screenshots too, make sure they follow the "rules" about what I consider spoiler and what not. I might be very unserious in my reactions here but I'm very serious about getting spoiled. I'd rather not get more screenshots than get spoiled.

All that out of the way, time for funsies! For anyone who is also anime-only... I don't think there should be warning for spoilers here but you're welcome to skip. (I'll tag this "nette reacts" in case I do more of these, you're welcome to filter it)

Anya best gremlin for real. She's unstoppable. I love her. I kinda wanna hug the top right one, though, she seems to be Going Through It. And she deserves a ton of hugs anyways. But I genuinely love how Endo shows both natures of Anya; the cute, unassuming, innocent little kid, and the GremlinTM.

What is happening to my man. What is he holding in. A fart? A hopeless scream? Dare I say... a laugh? (rhetorical questions)

YOOOOOOOOOOR 😭😍😭😍😭😀🤩😀😌😭👀💕😍

She's adorable and her smile lights up the world 😭😭 she deserves the world and doesn't even know it 😭😭 I'm sensing a soft shoujo filter so I hope whoever she's looking at had better be reciprocating her soft look. Or I shall commit felonies 👈👉👀

Carefree Yuri? In this economy? Hope there's more of that down the road.

Bond! Bestest Boi! I don't know what confuses him but he's being adorable about it but also. What is he sweating about. Is Anya trying to like, teach him a card game or something. (again, rhetorical question)

Anya having her second magical girl transformation? She looks so badass!

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY MAN 😭 (don't answer) he looks sad. I wanna hug him ;_; or give him a cookie. Something.

Your otp could never. They do anxiety like no-one else!

Again. Is it a fart. Do you know how hilarious it would be if it was just a fart she was holding in. It's probably her worrying again about blowing her cover but until I know for sure imma go with the fart option. (I don't think Endo would resort to fart jokes but it's a hilarious concept)

Knowing this dude he's probably upset about something ridiculous. Like, having to fight a dog armed with a bomb? No big deal. Having to handle a conversation with his target, an incredibly violent and paranoid man, without arousing his suspicions? He eats that for breakfast. Anya expressing a slight distaste in her meal? OPERATION STRIX IS IN DANGER I SHALL FIND THE BEST GOURMET DISH WITH THE FINEST PEANUTS ON TOP-

Yeah I'm willing to bet it's something absolutely ridiculous he's panicking about. Don't correct me if I'm wrong 😁

This was super fun and the best part about it is I have no single clue when those panels take place so they'll be a very pleasant surprise when I see them happen in the anime. Again, thank you yumeka-sxf!

#sxf #nette speaks #nette reacts

[asyouleft]

Thank you for the tag @happyaspie

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

- 89! I have a lot of other works that never made the move from LJ to a03 tho.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

- 1,100,235. I like to think this is an indication of how my mental health is, lmao.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

- Mosly MCU Irondad but I have caved and started writing Heartstopper lately. And I have some Our Flag Means Death fics in the works. I used to write a lot of McShep for Stargate Atlantis, as well as Supernatural, Harry Potter, Torchwood & Doctor Who.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Five Time Faculty Members Had to Call Peter's Emergency Contact + One Time He Shows Up Anyway 5,410 kudos

-Five Times Tony Stark's Fabled Intern Just Showed Up + One Time He Was Invited  2,824 kudos

- The Hero of Our Own Story 2,033 kudos

- There is Always One Last Light to Turn Out 1,854 kudos

- For We are Bound by Symmetry 1,730 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I like to say thank you to everyone who comments because I am forever grateful for it!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If You Find That You Feel Lost, I'll Be Your Ticket Back which I think has a happy ending to it but others disagree. And Films About Ghost which also is a happy/sad ending. There's resolutions but it's not what everyone wants.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm, I think they all end kinda happy? lol Maybe Operation: Graduation but it's very light hearted.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah, not very often but I think sometimes I like moving away from tropes and mixing it up a bit. For We Are Bound by Symmetry got some hate on how I handled the bio!Dad thing. We Always Walked a Very Thin Line got some unexpected hate! And recently there was an anon on Edges of Your Name that poked a little.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I'm writing one now, lol. I mostly do slash but I've dabbled in het a few times.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, not really.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! I don't look for it anyway and I doubt anyone would want to steal my shit, lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!! Oh my god, someone did two fics in RUSSIAN and I was so happy I cried! Honestly I felt so good about it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A very long time ago, I did a Hanson shoebox AU with my friend, haha. And even before that me and my high school bestie cowork some Hanson fics but nope! I'd love to though. Someone cowrite something with me, please!!!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ngggh. This is hard because my brain is like MCSHEP BITCH (John Sheppard/Rodney McKay) and then immedatly followed by Nick Nelson/Charlie Spring, Aziraphale/Crowley, Ed/Stede, Jack/Ianto. And I just realized a majority of these are CANON which NEVER HAPPENS TO ME and I think I might die of happiness knowing my ships are canon. (Also wow my brain did not come up with a single het ship lol opps)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My WIP folder has about 49 fics in it, so yeah. There's a Richard Parker Alive but Terrible Parent fic that I was pretty far into before I gave up. I'd like to actually finish that but I've lost the plot bunny somewhere.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm, I dunno, honestly. I think I can write certain characters well like the funny sarcastic ones (Peter Parker, Charlie Spring, Rodney McKay and even Tony Stark) because it's just me, hi, that's me.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Aside from spelling, lolz? I think I get too wordy sometimes, I have to cut paragraphs off in editing because I just keep going. I also think I can't end a scene to save my life sometimes and get frustrated when I don't think the end point works.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I really have? I dunno, Nick hasn't spoken French in a fic yet, damn I might just have to add that soon...

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OKAY if we're going to be for reals about this, most likely the Hobbit or The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe. I was writing fic as a kid (self insert no less) without realizing it. Later I'd write "episodes" of like Rainbow Brite, or Carebears, Inspector Gadget, Captain Planet. I'd also write one off Marvel/DC stuff with a self insert superhero (aka me with powers, usually I was an x-man lmao).

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Nhggh, that's hard. I like, act like I like what I write but I also end up like, hating it? I think I really love how Just an Intern turned out, from conception to finishing it, it was a fun write. And I quiet like how Edges of Your Name has come together too. But I think I had a little magic in me when I wrote There is Always One Last Light to Turn Out somehow. I wrote the thing in like 2 days and I think it came out rather well for something I mostly texted to speech as I was driving to work, ha.

And I'm terrible at tagging people so whomever!

#fanfic #asks #irondad fic #heartstopper fic #a03 #i like talking about my own writing if you couldn't tell

[crystalelemental]

I'll keep general responses under the cut, just in case.

It's honestly a little funny how much the notes felt like building toward a secret ending, and then just...nothing. Like what? There's an exit to the south of that screen you just can't even use. I thought maybe if I explored everything but ran out of his office instead it would change an ending, like I'd have something to incriminate him and change the outcome, but nope. It's so wild how much that whole situation didn't matter. I also way overprepared for the catacombs. I saved up for a whole bottle of St Walpurga Oil and didn't even need it.

I think the with refusal endings are odd just because of how much went into getting you that far, and that we've proven the marquises can operate in the material world. Like, they sought you out to develop these gifts, and had an invested interest in bringing you to Ozzy, and you can just...leave? Like not even leave that night and just run toward Primaldorf (which was my first inclination for an ending), but go through putting all the offerings up, visit the tree and see the riches, and then just...back out. With no consequence. After all this background discussion about how giving up your resolve will turn you into one of the Golden Girls. And the witch not showing up at all in endings unless you intentionally botch the offerings is...strange. Like is there a reason for that, or...?

I wouldn't know for sure with Hans, but at least in the wish refusal end for Leb, they talk about Hans just...dying at some point, and that he must have just let her drop the nun thing and go travel. Which...sure? I have no problem with that as a conclusion, I'd assume he found his answer about the whole witch situation. Like okay, there was no witch because you don't take your wish and just up and leave and then nothing happens ever again, so...guess St Walpurga is on the level? I guess? I dunno, it isn't even entirely important, I guess.

Like, what is the thematic focus of the game in that sense? I've only played one route so there's stuff missing, but looking at how things end on Leb Route: following the wish route while sacrificing everything is the worst case outcome, messing up the ritual to give power to the witch somehow gets you killed, the church isn't exact stable given they're willing to kill you and have this deep fixation on sin. The only good outcome is...leaving with your lover. Letting go of all of that. Because ultimately, riches and status and comfort? Isn't really what Elise wanted most. Her own words betray that pretty consistently. It's not about fame and fortune. It's about being treated well. Being seen as someone worthwhile, in a way she's often not in town. You're constantly under suspicion for...well, existing. One old dude shouts about a witch, and half the town side-eyes you like "he's got a bit of a point" despite how much you do for them constantly. Choosing the companion who does see you as you are and loves you for it makes sense as the good outcome, because that is your real wish. The witch is a little odd, in that I still can't get a great handle on too much of her existence, but she seems all about the desire to create new life; to conceive a child. Bit of a reach, but all of Elise's romance partners are girls, and Walpurga seems more of a nature witch, so is her focus on bearing life in the womb and having to reject the witch's influence meant to be about like...a compulsory heterosexuality thing? I'm not really sure, but I still have routes to play and have been awake for all of 2 hours since finishing it, so this is not exactly coherent.

The second crow puzzle legitimately almost made me refund the game. Like I was so close to losing it. We do all this bullshit and the boy still goes out of his way to be "No we saw a witch and Elise is lying!" Like, child? I should have let the crows eat you.

The berry grove isn't like...the worst of it by any metric, I think it's just more annoying. I do not like navigation puzzles where the focus is "Everything looks super similar and it's damn near impossible to find anything," and mistakes costing like a third of your HP in a game where it's hard to keep sufficient resources is...not my favorite. It is at least static, I think, so like...small favors.

#reverstellarium

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

You remind me of this History teacher I had in high school, who would every week, Monday exactly, remind us of the rules of the classroom and which inevitably, we never followed! I mean sometimes your blog does uncannily seem very similar to the way she tried to handle our rowdy classroom. The way you intermittently put out the rules and regulations of your blog, the way you phrase certain things and try to get your point across, uncannily reminds me of her. I won't say she succeeded at educating/handling us the way she wanted to, or that she was the best teacher (she wasn't the worst either) but at least she tried. I'll give that to you too.

Sometimes, here though, I feel you're narrowing so much into one topic/one kind of point-of-view, where you are basically only inviting people who agree with you, things start to get really repetitive and one-sided, but if that's your goal, then go for it!!

And what would you want me to say anon? Thank you?

You know, it's funny how people have quite different views when it comes to blogging. I wonder if you have one as well, but similar to mine, where you focus on written posts made by yourself and where you answer questions. That would have been more helpful to me, knowing exactly from which position we are both talking. Because it seems we have different understandings of what this is.

Having and operating a blog is not about turning it into a bulletin board. Which some do, including in this fandom. They post everything they get with barely offering a response, but hey, it's important to allow all voices to speak up. (Because making a tumblr blog is a limited service so a lot of them only have other people's inboxes to share their thoughts). That's not something I can do. I have to control this. I can't let every single message get through for some false sense of allowing all sorts of opinions. I am curating this space because otherwise it would be a complete mess. And you saying I only allow asks that agree with me is far from the truth. I mean, I am answering your ask, don't I? And that also gives me the right to disagree with you. Just as you have the right to complain. But you also have the possibility of not being here if this is not something that you like and I can also do whatever is best for me because guess what? It's a blog and I'm doing this for free.

I wish I could be paid regularly for this. Perhaps in that situation I would mind less all the nasty messages, all the trolls which camp daily here. I would just post all 3K asks in my inbox to show how I give equal opportunities to everyone to speak their mind, even when I don't agree with them. Because if I would get paid handsomely, then I would be fine with anons calling me names, or all the shipping/trolling questions. This is merely a blog and something on the side for me on which I spend like 2h a day, but I wonder how would you deal with that situation? Be cool in order not to be one-sided or become your history teacher?

And speaking of repetitive and one-sided, none of the points in my guidelines even hinted at that or were created in order to reach that phase. Look up point 1 and you'll see. And not wanting any more talk about Tae on my blog is something that I have every right to do. I allowed it for so long and now that I've taken the toy away, some might not like it. But those people, they're not all reasonable because guess what? A lot of people are shitty out there, especially on the internet. But if that contributes to this blog being one-sided, then so be it. I will live with that.

#bmt asks #bmt blog

[bit-b]

Been thinking a lot about stuff.

TL;DR: I've seen incidents in the past that made me tighten up my standards. And I think I've been unfair in the process.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I do what I do. Just in general. Why do I make what I make? Why do I believe what I believe? Why do I operate in the way that I operate? And that's good. I think it's important to take a moment every once in a while to think about these kinds of things.

One subject that came to mind is my policy regarding anyone involved with NSFW/suggestive/explicit material or content. Lemme give you my original policy.

I am not interested in the NSFW scene, and have no intentions of involving myself with it in any way whatsoever. I care a lot about the people who watch me, who are very likely underage and can't be potentially exposed to content like that.

If I ever find out (or am made aware) that someone I know is currently engaged with explicit or NSFW content, (whether it be creating it or being heavily in the scene) I want to make sure I take steps to protect my own image and reputation.

--If it's light, I can be friends. But I can't work with them on a professional level. This includes commissioning art, including them in my content, etc. --If it's heavy, I should try to distance myself from them to avoid any potential association with said material.

I've always had this policy in varying degrees. But I strengthened it significantly around 4 years ago after a major incident involving someone I was once friends with. (By the way, this is an incident that people DON'T know about. There were no public callouts involved, and I handled it quietly. So if you have any guesses as to what incident it was, you're likely wrong.)

I don't want to go into detail on the nature of the NSFW content involved. All I'll say is that it involved something I find completely disgusting. And honestly, it spooked the hell out of me. It made me kick myself, thinking how stupid I was that I didn't see the warning signs. I wanted to make sure I never ran into a situation like that again.

However, I've taken a lot of time recently to rethink the boundaries that I've drawn for myself. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I ABSOLUTELY over-corrected.

Again, that no-tolerance policy made it so that if I found out you were associated with NSFW, you'd end up on my list of no-nos. But what that policy failed to do was factor in CONTEXT.

Not every case is the same. And I failed to acknowledge a lot of solid points that made a BIG difference. Points like:

-Is this person's NSFW content posted to a side account? -Do they take steps to properly separate their main account from their NSFW account? -Do they lock access to the NSFW account behind age verification? -What is the nature of the NSFW content? Does it contain safe, consensual themes? -Can they behave themselves in places where NSFW themes aren't allowed?

All these questions were ignored. I just took the shotgun approach and labeled it all as bad. I guess it comes down to my own inexperience with the scene, and not knowing the right questions to ask.

But now that I've been following more people with "spicier" senses of humor, I'm more understanding that people are NOT just the content they make and watch. There's a lot more nuance. If I keep looking at people with this strict perspective, all I'll be doing is cutting myself off from meeting some potentially great friends. I'm doing nothing but hurting myself by nitpicking people's interests.

And heck, I've also failed to acknowledge that it's hard work to make ANY kind of art. And even though I personally don't like looking at it, it's still quite a skill to create artwork like that. It's kinda belittling of me to just lump every single person out there that makes that kind of art "problematic".

The last bit of thought I had was my own personal responsibility. It'd be one thing to KNOWINGLY interact with a secret creep. But it's not really my fault if someone I was friends with turned out to be a creep. I mentioned earlier that I've disconnected privately with someone I'm disgusted with. So I'm not apprehensive about taking that kind of action.

And if someone gets publicly outed as a creep, the bulk of my responsibility is to publicly disconnect from this person and shame their actions. Again, I'm more than happy to do that if the need arises. I need to stop being afraid of the possibility of that happening one day.

TO BE CLEAR, I'm still not interested in NSFW and explicit stuff, and have no intentions of changing that anytime soon. You can rest assured of that. But I've come to realize that I've been extremely harsh to people that are genuinely good people. All because I wanted to save my own sorry ass. That's terrible of me. I should know better.

I know for a fact that I've hurt people in the past over my personal policies. You probably know who you are.

If any of you are reading this, I'm sorry. I was judgemental. I was dismissive of your expression and interests. I alienated you for little to no good reason. I hope that I learned from my mistakes, and that I will do better in the future.

To everyone out there, whatever creative outlet you have, I hope you continue to keep creating. Never lose your spark. 💖

#deep thoughts #art #apology

[pzfr]

The Mighty Crusaders (2017) Inspired RP Sentence Starters

[ As written by Ian Flynn for Archie Comics. Feel free to edit for pronouns/etc. ]

"Make me, ya little ginger mouse!"

"Your skin may be steel, but I'll still rip your guts out!"

"Did you know I'm fireproof too?"

"C'mon! Blast this thing in half."

"Throat... lungs... on fire... can't breathe... see..."

"Pretty sure I felt his windpipe crunch in my grip. Lemme put him out of his misery."

"You hit like a truck, lady..."

"Let's see how hard you hit AFTER I TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF!"

"I won't promise he'll get there in one piece!"

"Bright sun. No clouds. Makes shadow-bending impossible out in the open."

"I'll say! The cameras are rolling, people!"

"I emailed everyone today's schedules, [NAME]. we're in the middle of--"

"Fine. I still need approval on these. Could you save us both two hours and give me a 'yes'?"

"Sign off on everything but the budget. Accounting is pissing me off."

"I can't lead this team if you're going to keep changing the roster without my input."

"I'd be more sympathetic if you were leading the team."

"Instead, you've been diving head-long into every operation on your own, leaving the others scrambling to catch up."

"I'm used to running solo. Making us into a team-- a brand-- was your idea."

"A brute like that, or whatever it was, should have been handled in minutes."

"I've got one teammate getting his throat rebuilt and a last-second rescue to spin as a grand homecoming!"

"Oh, he's very respectful. And I do value his experience. Just not all the time."

"So they've got a bond I can't share."

"And now they've returned to bring their brilliance and... their unique brand of humor to a team wound tight."

"You put the team together before there was such a thing as 'super heroes.' I can't even follow your template."

"We probably spent about as much time fighting each other as we did the big bad's cronies."

"Even if we weren't all friends, we had each other's respect."

"Learn to trust your team, and teach them to trust you."

"Please! Come on in, boss-lady!"

"I went off the grid for a bit."

"Something had to give, and my anime figures were the weakest link."

"Get you a drink? I've got water on tap."

"Oh man! Fancy glasses. We didn't have these at the old place."

"That's the thing I wasn't entirely... welcoming when you showed up."

"You came out of retirement swinging, and were crucial to today's victory."

"*Sniff* The old man never said anything like that. I'm going to like working for you."

"Here's to rocky starts and fresh beginnings."

"That's the unglamorous side of super hero life."

"Nobody asks how our powers affect our hygiene."

"I... I dunno, man. I think the pressure of keeping everything in order-- the team, myself-- was like a tension bandage on my soul."

"We're all here because we want to fight the battles no one else can."

"By your logic, none of us were qualified when we started."

"Aside from that, she's powerful... and creepy."

"Then hold nothing back. Scream as you die."

"Terror adds a special power to the blood."

"I needed that. I haven't laughed like that in... um..."

"Yeah, the well-being of my friends is kinda important to me."

"She's been as subtle as a brick through a window, but she's right."

"You talk about my inexperience as a leader, but you don't give me any time to learn."

"I prefer the direct approach. So if you've got a problem, I want you to come to me. Or come AT me. Whatever. I can handle it."

"Either we talk it out or fight it out. But no more of this gossiping behind our backs."

"We're five minutes outside the drop zone. Are you ready to go?"

"Oh, man. We never did anything like this in the old days."

"The first one is always the worst. I'm sure you'll be fine, though."

"The people need to see us as much as they need us punching bad guys."

"Unbridled adoration is nice."

"*Snrk!* I'll give you some pointers."

"Thank you for gathering all in one place. It will make killing you all the more efficient."

"Seems like my life's been ruled by violence. A lot of it was from fighting for the greater good."

"I remember you bein' in the movies, y'know. You could be livin' in L.A., cashing royalty checks."

"Me? I ain't got options. This is all I know-- all I can do."

"So it's your own damn fault you die here today."

"Must be residual magnetic effects. It'll wear off in a minute."

"Hmm. Don't play the tough guy. If you're wounded, get off the battlefield and look after the civilians."

"You wake me into a nightmare. All I strove to do in my life-- wasted."

"The misbegotten human race have taken control of my world."

"Dunno what those aliens made your gear out of, but it's something ferrous!"

"I remember when they sprung us out of jail."

"I was aiming for somewhere non-vital."

"He's insulting you, dumbass. Like you needed any more reason to kill him."

"Hmph... not my most elegant work, but I have been effective today."

"You aren't strong enough to hold me. Just let me out, and I'll let this slide."

"I'd ask what you're doing to them, but I don't think I wanna know."

"It's bad, but I'm standing. Can't concentrate to fly. Just shoot. You?"

"Relived the first time I died about twenty times. Shaken."

"Maybe... Maybe I can still catch 'em if..."

"YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS! YOU ARE MY AVATAR! YOU DO NOT WEEP FOR THE DEAD! YOU ADD TO THE PILE IN MY GLORIOUS NAME!"

"I was back! In the trenches! I could hear them! I could smell them! Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god..."

"Look... I'm lousy at this sort of thing, and you strike me as the type who prefers being more direct."

"I'm sorry. I didn't trust you. I was even a little afraid of you. But you saved our asses."

"You're right. You are lousy at this. But thanks, jerk."

"It's mostly awkward silence where I'm useless and you vent on occasion, but sure, 'talking'."

"I'm still... unpacking it, honestly. It's got me messed up and confused. It's... hard to talk about."

"Yeah, sure, be good... whatever-your-name-was."

"I've been in the hospital twice this week. I was tired of it the first time."

"Well, stop being such a badass and taking on entire supervillain teams by yourself."

"I became a liability. I'm no good to anyone like this."

#RP Meme #Sentence Starters #Dialogue Starters #Ask Meme #Superhero RP #Supervillain RP #DC Comics RP #Marvel Comics RP

[novelmonger]

Thoughts on Jedi Apprentice 5: The Defenders of the Dead

Oh boy...this book. I remember, when I was a kid, I would often skip right over this book and the next. For reasons that will no doubt become apparent by the end of this one. Honestly, I don't remember a whole lot about either book except for the giant plot point holding them together. So I'm both eager and reluctant to read them now - I know it's going to be painful, but I'm also coming to them more fresh than the majority of this series. So let's not beat about the bush, and dive right in!

Jedi Apprentice #5: The Defenders of the Dead by Jude Watson

Chapter 1

For their next mission, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan arrive on the planet Melida/Daan, which is named such because a bloody civil war has raged for decades on the planet, and the two sides can't agree on a name. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan actually aren't there to bring the war to an end, but to rescue a Jedi Knight, Tahl, who was there for that purpose. Unfortunately, negotiations soured, and she was captured by the Melida. They don't know if she's even still alive, but they're there to get her to safety. Obi-Wan is flying their starfighter, and he's flying too fast for Qui-Gon's tastes. Obi-Wan stubbornly thinks about how he was the best pilot in the Temple, so he can totally handle it...only to end up scraping the ship against the side of a cliff wall. Hmm, does Obi-Wan remember he used to be like this when he complains about Anakin's flying years later? ;) "Another happy landing," indeed.

Chapter 2

"But throughout his training, he often found the Force elusive and unreliable. He was able to tap into it, but not every time he wanted to. When he did, he could not control it. With Qui-Gon, he had learned that it was not his job to control it, but to join it. Now he could rely on it to guide him, give him strength and vision. He was beginning to understand how deeply it pulsed, how steady a presence it was. As a Jedi, he had constant access to it. It was the greatest gift he could imagine being given." - Aaaaaack, it hurts! °(°ˊДˋ°) °

Chapter 4

While trying to get into the city, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fall through a hole into a mausoleum, where generations have fought back and forth for revenge, and ask their descendants to avenge them, in a never-ending spiral. When the Jedi emerge from the mausoleum, they find themselves under attack by snipers and have to figure out how to get out of this mess. After a short battle against the snipers, they discover to their surprise that one of them is their contact, the guy who was supposed to smuggle them into the city. They thought the Jedi were Daan soldiers at first, but thankfully they're able to clear up the misconception before anyone gets hurt.

"While he considered the odds, he thought about the way he and Obi-Wan had come to function together as a unit. Though at times their relations could be bumpy, under pressure their rhythm matched, their thoughts clicked. He admired his Padawan's ability to operate on all levels. Even under great pressure, Obi-Wan could strategize, calculate odds and opportunities, and make a joke." - I love these two so much.... ಥ﹏ಥ

Chapter 6

Their contact leads Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan into the city, to the base of operations where they will carry out their negotiations with the Melida leaders. But then--surprise surprise--the Jedi are betrayed! The Melida had no intention of handing over Tahl; instead, they were just trying to lure more Jedi in so they could have more valuable hostages. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan make an attempt to escape, but the building is heavily fortified, and it doesn't look good for them. But then suddenly, a grate into the sewers is pushed aside, and a stranger beckons them to follow. They have no choice but to trust this person.

"An ironic voice floated up from the grate. 'Go ahead, talkdroids. Have a debate. I'll wait. We have plenty of time.'" - The sarcasm is strong with this one XD

Chapter 7

Their savior turns out to be Cerasi, a girl around Obi-Wan's age. She leads them through the sewers to a secret underground base where a large group of children live. They talk with the Jedi about the dire situation on their planet, how all of the middle-aged people on the planet have been killed in the fighting. The elders on both sides insist on carrying on the war of vengeance, and they force children to work in the factories where they manufacture more weapons, and when they turn fourteen, they're forced to join the army. Meanwhile, the people are starving and the land is being destroyed. So all the kids who don't want any part in the Elders' fight have made their own faction, called the Young. The Young aren't divided along the same lines as the adults; all of them are fighting together to put a stop to the war once and for all. Now they're asking for the Jedi to help their cause.

One of the prominent members of the Young, a boy named Nield, is...troublesome. A boy makes a disparaging joke about the Melida, and this is how Nield responds: "Nield sprang forward like a shot from a blaster rifle. He wrapped two hands around the boy's neck and picked him up off the floor. The boy's feet flailed out as Nield squeezed his throat. The boy's eyes widened in a desperate plea. He let out an anguished croaking noise, trying to get air into his lungs. Nield squeezed harder." - O_O I don't know how old Nield is supposed to be, but the whole idea is that the Young are, well, young. Kids. Yikes. He drops the kid and there's no permanent harm done. But I think we might need to keep an eye on this one. His justification for doing that is upholding their strict rule about not talking that way. But still...yikes.

More evidence of Obi-Wan's Gryffindor heart screaming what he instinctively sees as the right thing to do: "Obi-Wan had to stop himself from crying out, Of course we will help you! ... Never in any mission had he met a cause that seemed so just."

Chapter 8

Nield and Cerasi take the Jedi to see the Daan sector, which isn't substantially different from the Melida side. Qui-Gon agrees to work together with the Young to rescue Tahl, though he can't guarantee Jedi help for their cause. The Young are going to create a diversion, making both sides think they're under attack, and in the confusion, the Jedi will get Tahl out.

Chapter 9

As preparations for the upcoming fight are being made, cracks begin to show, a rift widening between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is deeply affected by the Young's cause, and some of Cerasi's blunt words about Qui-Gon bossing him around hit harder than he wants to admit. And so, goaded by her teasing and inspired by her courage, he promises that he, at least, will help their cause.

"The cause of the Young spoke directly and urgently to his heart. As a Jedi, he didn't fight for his own family, his own world, or his own people. He fought for what Yoda and the Council--and Qui-Gon--decided he should fight for. Cerasi and Nield had defined their own struggle. Obi-Wan was struck with a pang of deep envy for them. He had spent so much time with those older than himself. He had listened so often to their wisdom. Now he felt welcomed back into something different. He could be a part of a community here--he hadn't realized how much he missed a community of boys and girls his own age." - This, I feel, is one of the failings of the Jedi system. It makes sense why they want to start them out so young, and how not having ties to any specific planet or people is beneficial when they're supposed to fight for the greater good. After all, you don't want Jedi prejudiced against other Jedi simply for being from a different planet or something. But because they become Padawans so early, they miss out on that community of peers that Obi-Wan is realizing he misses so much. That kind of community is so important for adolescents and teenagers, especially. I'm not saying Jedi should stop doing one-on-one apprenticeships, but...maybe they should have like...Jedi conventions or something XD A chance, maybe once a year or something, for Padawans to hang out together and commiserate over the not-so-ideal things in their lives. I dunno, just a thought ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chapter 10

Obi-Wan sneaks out early in the morning with Nield and Cerasi to enact their plan to start the diversion. He should have asked for permission from Qui-Gon, but because he's afraid Qui-Gon will say no, he just goes anyway. The plan is successful, and both sides think they're under attack. The three kids share a sense of accomplishment and camaraderie, but...ugh, I can feel the rift between the two Jedi growing more and more with each chapter (⋟﹏⋞)

Chapter 11

Another typo where it says "Obi-Wan" when it should be "Qui-Gon"! At least, that's what I think's going on. The sentence doesn't make much sense otherwise.

"She looked over her shoulder at Obi-Wan and flashed him a grin. Obi-Wan's eyes shone back. Qui-Gon saw in the moment of their exchange that something had deepened between them. They were intimates now, communicating without words. The adventure they had shared that morning had united them." - You know...it never occurred to me when I read this as a kid, but...is Cerasi actually...a love interest for Obi-Wan? Because of all the rules about Jedi not having attachments and all that, I don't think it ever dawned on me. Now, since I'm saying that, I think it's obvious that nothing explicitly materializes between them, so it couldn't ever be anything beyond a crush...but still. Interesting. We'll see how things unfold.

Qui-Gon isn't super thrilled at Obi-Wan sneaking off without him, but he decides to confront him about it later, because they need to focus on the mission. (Aaaaaack, I feel like that's going to come back and bite them before too long....) So, as planned, Cerasi takes them through the sewers to the part of the base where they're holding Tahl. With Cerasi's help to create further diversions and make the guards think they're under attack by an actual army instead of three people, they manage to free Tahl and help her escape. Tahl is conscious and even able to snark back and forth a bit with Qui-Gon (who grew up with her in the Temple). Unfortunately, she's also malnourished and wounded, and it seems that she's been blinded. But now all they need to do to complete the mission is get her off-planet to somewhere she can get medical help.

Chapter 12

"Obi-Wan had asked permission to go above ground with Cerasi. Qui-Gon had granted it. He knew that when he told Obi-Wan that they must leave, his Padawan would not want to go. Yet Obi-Wan would obey him. It was his first duty as a Padawan, and Obi-Wan was a Jedi to the bone." - ;A; I'm feeling the same foreboding that Qui-Gon is right now....

The Young have succeeded in their mission. They raided the Daan storehouses of weapons, and the Melida destroyed their own storehouses to prevent the Daan from getting them. So now the bulk of weaponry on the planet is in the hands of the Young.

"[Obi-Wan] linked arms with Cerasi and Nield. Never once did he glance at Qui-Gon. It was as though the Jedi Knight wasn't in the room. It was as though Obi-Wan was not a Jedi. It was as though he was part of them. As though he had become a part of the Young." - T⌓T It huuuuuuurts....

Chapter 13

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have a sharp disagreement about whether they should stay to make sure there's a peaceful resolution to the conflict. Qui-Gon thinks they should follow the rules, place the situation before the Jedi Council, and let them decide what must be done. But Obi-Wan is convinced that the Young are in the right, and it would be a greater injustice to leave without helping them.

Chapter 14

"Something was happening to him that he didn't understand. He felt as though there were two parts of him: a Jedi, and a person called Obi-Wan. Always before, he could not separate being a Jedi from being himself." - I can't help but find some parallels to Obi-Wan in the miniseries. The truth is, Obi-Wan is a Jedi through and through, and was always meant to be one. In the times when he begins to lose faith in whether he should be a Jedi, that's when things start to fall apart.

Nield and Cerasi are frustrated at the Elders seemingly ignoring the Young's demands for peaceful negotiations, so they want to destroy the shields around the city and let the Young from outside the city march in. The idea is that the Young outnumber the Elders, and now they have all the weapons too. They'll force the older generation to engage in negotiations for peace. There's just one snag: They don't have a ship fast enough to get the job done. The only ship like that they might have access to is the one Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan came to Melida/Daan on. They're asking Obi-Wan to steal the ship and fly it for them.

"He couldn't go to Qui-Gon for counsel. He didn't believe in his Master's counsel any longer. Yet neither could he oppose it. ... He owed his Master so much. Qui-Gon had fought alongside him, even saved his life. They had a bond. Yet he had a bond with Nield and Cerasi, too. ... Was it right to obey when his heart told him it was wrong? ... He would have to betray Qui-Gon, betray his life as a Jedi. For them. For their cause. They could ask this because they knew they were right. Obi-Wan knew they were right, too. And he couldn't let them down. He could not make this decision as a Jedi. He would make it as a friend. He took a deep breath. 'I'll do it.'" - This is it. This is the moment when Obi-Wan truly walks away from his teachings. And why does he do it? Because he feels it's right in his gut, like any true Gryffindor. And because he's attracted to the Young's complete certainty that they're right, in this moment when Obi-Wan himself is full of doubt. That's how you get a Gryffindor to walk away from the Jedi.

Chapter 15

"Obi-Wan turned and met their eyes. He felt a shock, as though he were looking at himself. In the steady gazes of his friends he saw what was held in his own heart--the same dedication, the same fierceness, the same daring. He felt his confidence surge. He was doing the right thing. Maybe Qui-Gon would come to understand that." - Ugh. Oof. Ouch.

"Exhilaration raced through him. For the first time in his life, he had no one to answer to. There were no Jedi rules or superior wisdom in this ship." - Someone who is normally law-abiding and rule-following who does something forbidden for the first time...that's heady stuff. Addictive, even. When first looking at Obi-Wan in the movies, maybe you wouldn't think he'd ever be in this sort of position, but especially when you consider his age, this make a whole lot of sense.

The attack on the city's shields is a success. Obi-Wan leads Cerasi and Nield to the ship, they outmaneuver any pursuers with Obi-Wan's exceptional flying skills, and Cerasi and Nield put their own skills to work firing on the shield generators. As they go to put the ship back in its place, they see hundreds of youth marching into the city to take control. Victory...but at what cost???

Chapter 16

"Using the Force, [Qui-Gon] tried to establish a connection with Obi-Wan. But he could feel nothing. No distress, no confusion, no assurance. Only...a void." - ;A;

Okay, this chapter surprised me, because I didn't remember it at all. Qui-Gon secretly arranges a meeting between the leaders of the Melida and the Daan, and warns them that unless they join together and form a coalition government to put an end to the war once and for all, the Young will defeat them. They have all the weapons, they've taken down the city's shields, and they have more strength and stamina than the Elders, many of whom are wounded or permanently maimed with missing limbs or breath masks. And, despite much protest and arguing back and forth...the leaders agree! They will set aside their hatred of each other and end the war, because now they realize they will be fighting their children and grandchildren.

Chapter 17

The heartbreaking tension just keeps getting worse and worse >_< Qui-Gon may have gotten the Elders to agree to negotiations, but the Young refuse to negotiate now! They don't trust the Elders. And Qui-Gon finds out that Obi-Wan stole the ship that was their only way to get Tahl to safety, and used to to help the Young destroy the shields. To say that he's upset about this would be an understatement....

"Qui-Gon paused. He gathered himself to deliver the Jedi wisdom of the Master and Padawan relationship. How the rules had evolved over thousands of years. How the Padawan's pledge of obedience had nothing to do with power, but everything to do with the gaining of wisdom and the humility of service. How he was not here to punish Obi-Wan, or even to teach him, but to aid Obi-Wan's own journey and enlightenment until the day he grew to become a Jedi Knight. 'I don't care,' Obi-Wan said, breaking into his own thoughts." - Ow. Ow ow ow ow owwwww.... That one sentence is like a slap in the face ;A;

"'I don't care that I broke the rules,' Obi-Wan said. 'It was right to break them.' Qui-Gon took a breath. 'And was it right to break my trust?' Obi-Wan nodded. 'I'm sorry I had to. But yes.' Qui-Gon felt Obi-Wan's words enter him like a blade. He saw in a flash that since he had taken Obi-Wan as his apprentice, he had been waiting for this moment. Waiting for the betrayal. The strike. He had hardened his heart, preparing himself for it. And yet he was not prepared at all." - Ohhh, Qui-Gon.... Yes, you became a Petrified Slytherin to protect your heart after Xanatos, but didn't you realize that you un-Petrified yourself for Obi-Wan? But just because the wound scarred over doesn't mean it can't be opened again. I'm so sorry you've had to experience this twice.... ToT

"'Qui-Gon, you must understand,' Obi-Wan said quietly. 'I've found something here. All my life, I have been told what is right, what is best. The path has been pointed out to me. That was a great gift, and I'm grateful for all I've learned. But here on this world all those abstractions I've learned suddenly fit into something concrete. Something I can see. Something real.' Obi-Wan gestured back toward the headquarters of the Young. 'These people feel like my people. This cause feels like my cause. It calls to me like nothing I've ever felt before.'" - Notice how many times he uses the word "feel." And how being given a system of belief and philosophy of life isn't enough when it contradicts what he feels in his gut. What he feels about what's just and right responds to what the Young feel is just and right, and he doesn't yet have the experience to know when he'll end up regretting just going with his gut. It's an unfortunate downside, if you want to see it that way, of being a Gryffindor Primary: Once you see that something is wrong, you can't just not do anything about it. I feel like this whole thing wouldn't have spiraled out of control to quite this extent if Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had been there to bring about peace in the first place. But because they're only tasked with rescuing Tahl, Obi-Wan's desire to see justice clashes with his role as a Jedi, and so he comes to this point where he has to choose between them.

Chapter 18

The Elders go back on their word. Flying in starfighters from another city, they attack the Young, many of whom are completely defenseless in parks and streets in the city. Children are dying. And even though Qui-Gon and Tahl set out for their ship, Obi-Wan knows that the only hope the Young have is for him to steal the ship again.

"He had been torn in two. Everything he'd known, everything he'd thought was important had been shattered. His Jedi training lay in pieces at his feet. It meant nothing compared to what was going on around him now. ... Obi-Wan realized he had already chosen. He couldn't turn his back on this suffering. He couldn't turn his back on his friends. Even if it cost him everything. He would give that, and more." - ༼☯﹏☯༽ It really is an impossible situation to drop a thirteen-year-old into. Can't say I blame him for wanting to help people who clearly need it - though stealing and going behind Qui-Gon's back is definitely not right. The ends don't justify the means, Obi-Wan!

Chapter 19

"The Force swirled around him, but it was a disturbed Force, neither dark nor light. He tried to tap into it and could not. It was like trying to squeeze a handful of fine sand as it streamed out through the cracks in his fingers." - This echoes Obi-Wan at the beginning of the miniseries scarily well.

Qui-Gon and Tahl reach the ship first, just as Obi-Wan gets there. He asks, in one last-ditch effort, to use the ship in the upcoming battle, but of course Qui-Gon refuses. They need to get Tahl back to the Temple. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon draw their lightsabers, facing off, ready to fight (つ﹏⊂)

"Obi-Wan met Qui-Gon's gaze and saw the same anguish he felt. He felt something within him crack, and his resolve slowly drained away. He could not do this." - (ಥ﹏ಥ)

"Obi-Wan grasped the rock of his conviction and felt his confusion drop away. Here on Melida/Daan he had met a reality that was stronger than anything he'd known. 'I have found something here more important than the Jedi code,' Obi-Wan said slowly. 'Something not only worth fighting for, but worth dying for.' Obi-Wan handed his lightsaber to Qui-Gon. 'You may go, Qui-Gon Jinn. But I will stay.'" - And so the deed is done. It's over. Obi-Wan Kenobi is no longer a Jedi.

#star wars #jedi apprentice #obi-wan #obi-wan kenobi #qui-gon #qui-gon jinn #book thoughts #this book is DEVASTATING #come cry with me