#am i still lucid

[the-travelling-witch]

(for the brain rot thingie) i love xiao so much ; - ; always thinking about how touch starved he is. he at first recoils from touch because it's so unfamiliar and strange to him but then it's like oh. oh i can't get enough. and he's so shy and hesitant asking for more but when he DOES get to hold you, it's so tight and protective and fearful to let you go. i am soft for him. i want to hold his hand T_T

hngh yes!! touch-starved xiao will get all my love and affection, no questions asked, i‘m so soft for him <33

xiao holds you so timidly at the beginning of your relationship, almost like he’s afraid to touch you, as if you were a blooming flower who‘d wilt in his grasp

and that’s basically how he sees you; he’s convinced his karmic debt would taint you if you spent to much time in his proximity, so he holds you an arm‘s length away, for your own sake; his longing to feel more of your touch, more of your fingers gracing up his arm, more of your lips fluttering against his cheek goes neglected because he‘d never forgive himself if his selfishness was what brought about your fall from grace

putting up a strong front, xiao keeps acting on this principle until your love cracks the façade he tries so hard to maintain, like a flower cleaving its way through solid rock while growing towards the warm sun

the first time he let you hold him completely was when he was at his most vulnerable; his head was spinning with ancient wrath, tearing his mind into a million different directions and ensnaring his lungs; but throughout all of it, a tender touch kept him together and allowed him to breathe again

without the fog clouding his mind, xiao slowly but surely found himself come to again but the comfortable sensation which had freed him from his frenzy didn’t stop, instead, soft circles continued to trace along his chest

cracking open his somber eyes, he found himself staring at your understanding smile, your eyes full of love as you brushed his teal bangs out of his face; that night, you stayed like this for a while, with xiao’s head resting comfortably in your lap as you offered him gentle reassurance

after this incident he’s a lot more open to physical touch and -to his embarrassment- realises how much he craves it now; he’ll still blush like crazy when you hold his hand in public but now his fingers squeeze back in appreciation as he tugs you closer to his side

but there’s nothing that compares to the feeling of having you wrapped safely in his arms, just the two of you, as you press fluttering kisses along his temple, jaw, cheeks, the corners of his mouth and even his eyelids before finally landing on his lips

how could you not fall for him a little harder when you notice how his grip on you tightens just a little bit as he hides his flushed face in the crook of your neck?

[⇢ ˗ˏˋ｡˚ anemo hours ☾ . ೃ˚⋆࿐]

#⇢ ˗ˏˋ happy hours ﾟ☾. ࿐ #coffee & tea break #my regulars ♡ #letter from: the gorgeous jade ❀ #am i still lucid #is this still english #it’s very cute in my head though #i am soooo soft for this boy #he deserves ALL THE LOVE #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fluff #xiao x reader #xiao fluff #xiao genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin fluff

[feroluce]

Lucid Dreamer (2/2)

part 1

Gepard stalls almost a week before he finally goes out to the safehouse, and it takes him a couple days to find it because Sampo didn't have the time left to be wasn't super specific about the location. But he does find it.

It's pretty bare bones, really. Gepard knows that was probably to be expected, but… It feels crushing, when he realizes there are so few personal things here. It's nothing specific to Sampo. Just some food, some medical supplies. A cot and a heater and a lot of mismatched blankets. Nothing to remember someone by.

But he does find the letters, in a metal box stashed away under the bed.

There are two for him. Three for Natasha, and two for Seele. One for Hook, one for Serval, one for Pela, one for Bronya.

Bronya's is mostly business. They knew each other from the whole Stellaron incident, but not much beyond that, and the incoming catastrophe is a more pressing matter. Seele's is actually two copies of the same letter, and Gepard realizes why when Seele is so angry she rips the first one up without reading it. He gives her the copy a couple days later, and she slinks off without a word.

Pela seems completely normal after hers is delivered, but Gepard knows better than to trust that. The next day, he finds her asleep in bed with Serval, bottles abandoned on the floor, both their eye makeup smeared and running and Pela's glasses horribly smudged and crooked on her face. Serval doesn't read hers in front of him, but she's clingy with Gepard, Pela, and Lynx for quite a while after. She throws herself into her work a lot. She insists the heater from the safehouse is busted and she needs to keep it. It's too dangerous for use by someone who's not an engineer. Might burn their house down or something. Gepard doesn't argue.

Hook's letter is short, with easy to read words. The rest of it is actually a treasure map, and she and the moles spend the next several days running through the Underground, finding hidden candy and toys. Hook asks them when Sampo is coming back, because one of the marbles she found from his map looks green, just like his eyes, and she wants to give it to him. Natasha shoos Gepard out of the clinic before he can even begin to think of an answer.

Natasha refuses to let him see what's in her letters, which ok, fine, he'll respect that. He hears from Bronya who heard from Seele who heard from Natasha herself though that one of the letters was a map and the other a catalogue, with all of Sampo's hidden "warehouses." Gepard promptly marches himself back out to the frontlines, where he can turn a blind eye. If a ton of stolen goods suddenly enters the black market, and if the orphanage and the clinic suddenly have new supplies, well, technically that's none of his business.

Gepard goes to bed, curls up under mismatched blankets and closes his eyes.

He doesn't dream.

One of Gepard's letters was also business, like Bronya's and Natasha's. He and Bronya follow everything meticulously, down to the letter, because there has to be some good to get out of all this, there has to be. Gepard can't let it all be for nothing, it would bury him.

And so the catastrophe passes. Not without casualties, and not without a lot of damage and destruction. But Belobog survives.

And after that, time just kind of…goes on. Gepard has been a part of the Silvermanes since he was old enough to enlist. The Fragmentum had gotten so much worse in the years before Welt sealed the Stellaron. He knows the statistics, it is literally his and Pela's jobs to keep track. He knows when he sees a face everyday in the camps and then it's suddenly gone. He's not unfamiliar with things like grief and loss.

He still catches himself checking the trashcans and the supply crates and soldiers' footprints sometimes, though.

But there comes a night where Gepard goes to bed, holding the mismatched blankets to his face, and he dreams. And it's strange, it's off, it sticks with him. Sampo doesn't look the same. He's thinner. His muscles have atrophied. He looks like how Gepard has seen soldiers after months in the hospital.

The most unsettling difference is there's a scar across the left side of his head, Gepard can see it over his ear, peeking out past his hairline, carving towards his cheek. Sampo is always careful about his face. Gepard once saw him dodge a Fragmentum monster and literally let it cut across his neck just to keep his face clear. He wouldn't let that happen for nothing.

Their actions in the dream itself aren't new. Sampo seems tired, run down and worn out, but he announces his presence with aplomb by lobbing a bunch of smoke bombs off the rooftops and sending his soldiers scrambling. Same shit, different day.

The new part is what he says when Gepard chases him out to the edges of the camp, tackles him into the snow. Gepard pins him to the frozen ground to detain him and Sampo doesn't even fight it, just looks up at him like he's seeing sunrise for the first time in months.

"I'll be home in one week."

#sampard #gepo #hsr gepard #hsr sampo #gepard landau #sampo koski #hsr natasha #pelageya sergeyevna #serval landau #bronya rand #hsr seele #hsr hook #honkai star rail #my fics #lucid dreamer #I was initially just going to let Sampo stay dead because I love that kind of thing #but I ended up liking this ending so I guess I'll let it stay haha #I love thinking about Sampo's relationships with the rest of the cast and their reactions to all this #he was a founding member of Mechanical Fever. he still plays shows with Pela and Serval. #Pela is constantly giving him second chances like in the museum event and letting him volunteer with the Silvermanes. #And Serval could say SO much about him but all she says is 'hah that guy' and mentions Gepard is going to catch him someday. #I need the three of them to be a weird trio of buddies fdksaljfdkl #Sampo is seen with Seele plenty and he's with Natasha so much that Hook literally thought he was horribly ill for a long time. #I love them having some kind of odd comraderie #and oh my god I am the biggest Hook & Sampo stan ever they're so so cute and sweet and precious and WAH #so I think Sampo would want to be prepared for just in case he didn't make it back. that he would have a contingency plan for everything. #and he would miss these people and this city enough to show up in their dreams one last time. #but I'd like to think he saved Gepard for last #and it is not just because he has a crush or any kind of romantic feelings for him. There's more to it than that. #(If I'm being super honest I don't even really ship them with romance involved. I have a hard time picturing them like that.)

[hjartasalt]

Two cats I met while strolling through Tallin, thought you might appreciate them :)

I do!! I do appreciate them!!!! The tuxedo one even looks a bit like my Gríma :')

#ask #geminating #last night I dreamt she was still here with me #it was very bittersweet #I'm a rather lucid dreamer so even as I held her in my dream I knew it was only temporary #I also don't usually remember my dreams and this is a good thing usually cause I have chronic nightmares but I'm glad I did now #even though it did mean it kinda sucked to wake up without her #I'm just thankful for the small moments I still glimpse of her as my brain tries to process her loss #one day I will no longer remember the softness of her fur or the exact sound of her purr but that day is not today so until then #I am grateful for every moment my mind is able to accurately bring her to life in my dreams #she's not truly gone until she's forgotten and I plan on remembering her for as long as I can #sorry these tags are kinda heavy :( #I miss her

[fandomfloozy]

Ever think about how fucked up it was that our desperate need for escapism led us to believe we could go to different realities if we manifested it well enough and meditated hard enough?

Ever think about how fucked up it was that it was mainly teenage girls that partook?

#i can speak on this #i am an authority because i fully subscribed to it #and defended it from naysayers #the odd1sout video had me livid when it came out i was so dedicated #now i fully believe anyone who swore up and down that it worked for them was really good at lucid dreaming #because thats all it is #you can't wish hard enough to simply not be here anymore and come back again like nothing #thats not how it WORKS #god save all the young girls still part of the shifting community #im so sorry the real worlds sucks so much that you feel the need to subject yourself to ritualistic fantasy

[send-me-a-puffalope]

i was awake at three am last night but i was super delusional and sleep-deprived and i was thinking of your lizzie and nessa au and i thought “what if in this au there was also an evan and he died and william adopted gregory to replace him the same way he adopted vanessa to replace elizabeth so these two kids are forced to be these kids they never knew with a father who they love but hate at the same time and gregory dies and possesses golden freddy with evan and then yk there’s papillomatosis” and i convinced my self you wrote the fic that way so when i read it in the morning i was like where’s gregory 😭 and then i used my brain for two seconds 💀💀💀

Why is this kind of inspiring tho FTYGUHIJ not one for one but like. The thought of having false memories of someone that never existed? Maybe in a different AU (with no Elizabeth dying and Vanessa getting adopted), Vanessa looking back on her past, which she believes to be more or less normal, with her father and her little brother Gregory. But as she realizes that William was not as perfect of a father as she remembered, she digs more into her past and is hit with the finding that: she can't find any trace of Gregory's existance. This boy that she had so many fond memories of and watched grow up didn't exist and she was the only one who remembered him at all (is this inspired a bit by my relationship with my dreams? absofruitly)

And perhaps there could be something similar to the Silver Eyes books where Vanessa finds out that her entire memory of her childhood was a complete fabrication. None of it actually existed. The normal, happy childhood she remembered was not like that at all. Gregory was not her younger brother but rather a victim of William's that she witnessed die- who she ends up finding possessing the Golden Freddy suit. That's all I've thought of, the plot factory in my brain is working on limited fuel choo choo, your dream brain was kinda onto smth.

#did i totally ramble and this post is no longer about the ask? yeah. but its blog so #hehe #ily aj #im honored to haunt your 3 am thoughts #(also the dreams thing- i tend to have very vivid and lucid dreams that are so all consuming and feel so real that sometimes i wake up #and it genuinely feels like ive lost people because i realize that all these people ive grown to love and care about are all fabrications o #my brain and no one will ever know of their existance or remember them or the life that I shared with them #when i wake up i can still remember their faces and touches and the emotions i felt with them) #ask!!! #jasminetea1234 #jasmine!!!

[saturnisfallingdown]

God, I hope it's a phase.

Finally did a proper tribute to my favorite scene from the show, Mrs. Hills and Oliver's conversation at the end of Part 2 :]

[ID: Two digital paintings. The first, art of Oliver from LUCIDS part 2 from the shoulders up. He's a white man with short hair, a blue and yellow raincoat, and a white t-shirt. He's lit by a warm light to the right, and he smiles, looking towards the light. The second, of Mrs. Hills from LUCIDS part 2 from the shoulders up. She's a middle aged white woman with short hair, glasses, turquoise jewlery, and a low-collared black shirt. She's lit by warm light to the left, and he smiles cautiously, looking towards the light. End ID]

#LUCIDS #mrs hills #lydia hills #oliver todaro #oliver lucids #THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO MEEEE #their dynamic makes me so emotional like. lydia is such a caring mentor but shes still clearly her own person with her own battles. #i've talked about this scene for literally an entire hour to my friends once. I am NOT normal about it #nicholas podany #lucids series #sat art

[arckhaic]

the dreams that feel real ( like ur in ur bed sleeping and get 'woken up' in the dream and ur like huh ) do a number on me bc i have to spend the next several hours convincing myself i'm both real and awake

#usually eating smth helps w grounding #but the dpdr is like idk .... u cant trust anything #bc i kept trying to wake myself up in the dream ( which i normally cant tell like i dont have lucid dreams ) #and kept failing #kept trying to make myself twitch or move or smth and that didn't help i wasnt waking up #so my brain is like 'no ... we're sleeping .... we're STILL sleeping ' even tho i am awake .... #i think #at least it was a nice dream except for the freaking out that i couldn't wake up but my cat came to visit #which was nice bc i've been missing her

[skunkes]

thsi is so mean and evil but sometimes I'll stress over not drawing smunker accurately enough and then immediately have my worries quelled upon looking at. any given popular [within fandom] rendition. Of an anthropomorphic skunk.

#did you guys know not every animal has wolf ears and a wolf snout...wild right #talkys #still working hard regardless but here i am crying and toiling over perfecting the ear shape and placement #but i was just slapped back to lucidity.

[pinnithin-writes]

next couple chapters in the helminthic romance might slip out of chronological order because i just lost a knife fight in my sleep (top surgery)

#im lucid but the meds got me in a brain fog so #concentrating is hard #i have the next few entries drafted but i still have to edit them #theres a pretty significant update on july 5 i would like to get done on time #i really did not plan this very well sldkfjskld #pin talks #tapeworm story #I ALSO AM DOING CAMP NANO AND ARTFIGHT LIKE #me @ me can you chill please

[thefiresofpompeii]

revolutionary optimism ... wish i had an ounce of it. wish any of it rang true

#wish i was revolutionary #i'm not. i'm a reactionary defeatist #i've seen how it all pans out. i'm not getting better. disco elysium is too painful to think about #the things i know and cannot correlate are eating me alive #the way it is is not compatible with how it should be but it will forever fall short #depression feels like lucidity. like contacts on your eyes where there was once a filmy blur #is it 'the illness talking' or am i seeing through to the heart of things? #i remember reading cioran at 16. i tried to block his theory out. it keeps flooding back #i don't understand anything anymore. i can't kill myself either i have a delusion keeping me here. the odd #delusion that my death should serve a purpose too #maybe i should set myself on fire and pretend it's to raise awareness of the hopelessness and western lack of empathy? #self-immolation is unoriginal now but still bold. maybe i should do it for gaza. pretend i'm being governed by anything other than a #suicidal impulse. oh we're not allowed to despair? if only this was even the beginning of being the source of my despondency. i've been #like this for years and years. in fluctuating states but never gone away #zoloft is probably making things 'worse' but that is subjective. i see the world for what it is now. empty and soulless all the way down #jamie.txt

[rainbluealoekitten]

i genuinely feel so bad for my ex's gf though because she's out here posting on her insta that it's their 3 month anniversary but boyo is making me playlists with unrequited love songs and posts stuff about being nostalgic about when we were dating, keeps complimenting how i look, and literally yesterday was telling me he still has the sticker we stole from the library where we held hands and cuddled like. he's such an important friend to me but really i guess i will have to cut him off (again) bc i thought we were both over this but apparently not and it's just going to hurt a lot of people if i don't

#also in all honesty i am scared that i will do something stupid without realising it or while in a not very lucid state #like once after we broke up i let him fall asleep on me around 4am then we watched the sun rise together until i finally left to find #my own bed #like i knew i shouldn't be doing that but i hadn't slept in over 24 hours and #he was so sad and so was i and i just needed someone but he just needed me. and we really did seem like we could but perfect #but yk what this relationship has taught me a lot and still does because to him? we should have been soulmates and i get why #i mean we read the same poetry and cry at the same music and he loves it when i infodump about greek mythology and i love it when he sends #pictures of his cats and our art is so desperate for another person to See Us and we danced in the rain once #and it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life #but it's never going to be right and idk he can't accept that i don't and never will and never have loved him. i'm sorry it seems perfect #but it's a good reflection moment for me too in all honesty yk #bc the boy i'm obsessed with also could have been someone fated for me i mean #what's the chance we live on the same street twice despite having travelled the world? #what's the chance he and i-both very private and solitary individuals-immediately felt we could confide in each other? #but apparently that doesn't mean shit to him #and idk maybe he's also just as sorry and as apologetic and maybe even a little #heartbroken over it #just like i am w my ex but. idk #i do not know #anyways once i get the motivation to write a full novel then it's over for everyone #until then you get my shitty journal musings #blue screams into the void

[justsomeguycore]

ya boy is so brave i woke myself up via lucid dreaming out of a three level nightmare

#level three: the worst party i’ve ever been to #my lucid dream test is when i’m having a crisis in a dream and my brain can only think this makes no sense i must be dreaming #i see if i can turn the lights on/off with just looking at the light switch #so i did and got so excited and like basically threw myself around the room trying to wake up #level two: i wake up so happy that that nightmare was not real #except then everyone tells me it did happen and i basically have woken myself up after sleeping after that party #some more stuff happens i’m like no this makes no sense am i still fucking dreaming?? #so i wake myself up into…. #level one: i wake up and try to stumble out for confirmation that this is indeed real life #someone starts whispering ‘platypus pancakes’ #i’m like WHAt ???? #they’re like ‘platypus pancakes’ #i’m about to just start crying i want things to make sense again so bad #then i wake up for real. and make this post #phew!

[lucid-fate-if]

Tournaments you ask?? 👀

Here are some recs for you bestie!

God of High School: About a bunch of martial artists high schoolers who do tournament style fights to win a price of their wish. I recommend watching at least the fighting clips of the anime that you can fight on YouTube because the fight choreography is amazing. However, if you want to read the entire story, then I highly recommend the Webtoon because the anime butchered the entire plot.

Hunter x Hunter: About aspiring hunters who fight in a tournament to become hunters.The entire anime is essentially a massive tournament arc. I recommend the anime. The manga art isn't all that great. I recommend watching the 2011 version and not the 1999 version.

Tower of God: About a tower that summons chosen people to compete to get their most desired wish. Again, I recommend the Webtoon rather than the anime because the anime made the plot kind of mediocre in my opinion. It was an enjoyable read and pretty much the entire thing is kind of like a tournament arc to some extent.

Naruto: About ninja students that go on missions and sometimes have to fight on tournament arcs to increase their rank. The chunin exam arc is one of my favourite tournament arcs of all time, so if you haven't watched or read Naruto I highly recommend watching at least up to the Chunnian Exam Arc/The first part of Naruto, so that you can get some inspiration.

My Hero Academia: I'm not the biggest fan of this series to be honest, but you might like it. I did enjoy watching some of the clips of the U. A Sports Festival, it kind of had a mini tournament arc-is thing going on, so maybe watch some YouTube clips if the show doesn't interest you?

Record of Ragnarok: About Gods and humans who fight in a series of tournament arc that will decide humanity's fate. Again, I highly recommend reading the manga because the anime kind of butchered the plot in my opinion.

YuYu Hakusho: About a delinquent teenage boy who dies and ends up getting the opportunity to regain his life after completing a series of tasks. One of the arcs for this series, The Dark Tournament Arc is one of the best tournament arcs of all time. For this, I honestly recommend the anime, it's a bit old but it's just really good.

Black Clover: About a mage with anti-magic that manages to enter a guild of mages. There's a bunch of exams and tournament-is episodes/chapters that take place. I would recommend the manga personally since I haven't watched the anime, but the anime might also be good. I have no idea.

#i think I've got four of them down so far #and considered two since i know them by heart atp 😭 #but the others will be really helpful anon! #thx lots😤 💞🫶💕💞💓 #and by the way- #lemme drop some info #i am also considering getting inspiration/ideas from a series #Alice In Borderland #idk if you watched it BUT IT'S THE BEST THING EVER- #I'm still hyper over the first season #and the second season is out already 😭 #lucid fate if #anon ask #if wip

[deuynndoodles]

throwback to the time i fell on top of botw zelda and fucking knocked her out in my dream. she was sprawled out on the floor. i felt so bad

#rambles #in retrospect it was really funny but in the moment it Was Not #for context p much all my dreams are lucid. i am not a reality shifter. i still think 'reality shifters' are just lucid (day)dreaming tbh

[pokemonthingsandstuff]

Klawf is an ambush predator. You'd think that the horrible land crustacean wouldn't be good at that, but then when it's actually in the environment it should be in, you will immediately lose them.

In other news, there's a Klawf somewhere in this goddamn ravine. I don't know where, but there sure is one! I may be bigger than it, but I fear it nonetheless.

#pokemon headcanons #pokemon handling #klawf #I am having a TERRIBLE day. #arent you always having a terrible day #It's been worse than usual! #I'm stuck in a ravine! Again! And there's a Klawf somewhere in here! #kc cant you just #kick it #its not that big im comparison to you #You aren't going to believe this but uh #did you sprain your knee. whatd you break. how bad. #I don't know how I did this but I managed to screw up something with my hip. #Already got emergency services on their way. Needed something to get my mind off the fact that I'm stuck with a fucked up hip in a ravine. #It's not working great but it's been enough! #kc how the shit do you have data are you anywhere close to alright #I don't know and I'm still lucid! That'd gotta count for something! This doesn't hurt nearly as bad as you think it does #only because it pales in comparison to some of the other stuff. It's not that bad of an injury #just bad enough for me not to be able to climb out of a ravine. I bet I'll be running around again in a month. #how the hell did i get labelled as the server maniac when you exist #how much longer until emergency service arrive?! #Ah like 10-12 minutes. Gonna have to find more ways to keep myself sane in the meantime. #for fucks sake kc im going to call you and i will keep you occupied until they get here.

[argiopi]

taking a nap in your friend’s bed and lucid dreaming that you are at the store and thinking “you’re dreaming why are you at the fucking store. leave” then your alarm rings

#blogging #but the ocean was sparkling more clearly than it ever has... #like some proper vaporwave and dolphins visuals. #lucid dreaming is really funny to me because i had a phase as a teenager where i became obsessed with making it happen #studying my palms so i would hopefully carry the habit into a dream and realize my hand looked wrong #the full Sober Teen Psychonaut effort #then i finally had a lucid dream and it was lame as hell and the mystique had gone away so i didn't care as much #now whenever it happens i'm like alright cool. that was mildly entertaining at best #ppl on teh interwebz advised looking at clocks so you could see if the time was wrong in your dream and i don't think i did that #but sometimes i look at a clock in a dream because i'm anxious about sleeping too late then i wake up and check the time like an hour later #and it'll be earlier than it was in my dream #and that is simultaneously reassuring and disorienting because i thought the dream time was the real time n_n #i got covid 🅱oosted the other night and i am largely no longer suffering debuffs but i still have a wicked headache :( #i've had like two glasses of water. fucka you for not healing me immediately. #I think it was a hardware store.