#am I alone in this misery?

[hua-liansimp]

the torture when you like a ship and you want to read fanfiction about that ship but you like the ship in a specific way and that way isn't the popular one:')

#imma be doing whole searchparties on ao3 #i will never give up #wolfstar #fugio #harry potter #inotan #haino #cytham #ayaitto #xuexiao #beiguang #harlivy #liushen #chilumi #jojo #only hualian doesn't belong here because i love every and all flavours of hualian fics #fanfiction #fic #ao3 #radiostatic #durgetash #heavily on durgetash #i just want to read more about the default big lizard durge subbing for gortash #am I alone in this misery? #jiuyuan

[skunkes]

^_^

#sorry doomer posting #but like idk! #i keep talking abt how if i werent trans id be more inclined to accept my fate of living w my parents/family forever #but also with upcoming election and living in Texas maybe i just wont ever get to transition anyway and that will solve everything wont it #i want to leave so badly but i think id just be swapping my current misery for another set #like id be alone but at what cost. and id be alone. no friends no partner to live with no people in my empty home #work and sleep and struggling to eat. idk #im simply not meant to be alive honestly #talkys #delete later #in general i keep wanting things but not wnough bc ive been taught to not want things #i don't want to leave enough to put in the work to do it #i dont want to transition enough to get past the fear of change #i dont want anything. i dont want anything. i am a good dog

[todayisafridaynight]

YOU MAKE THAT POST AND DON'T SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON EVERYONE'S OPINION ON SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG???

I MEAN IT'S SUCH A NICHE FUCKING TOPIC LMAO I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD CARE

but anyway here's the Egregiously Simplified version of Everyone Is Forced To Play Ten Routes Of Shadow The Hedgehog And Has To Give Their Opinion Afterwards

#snap chats #i already hear someone going 'the fuck you mean mine is number one shadow the hedgehog defender' YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME #at first i do think he'd be like 'what the fuck' but then going through all of shadows routes. or at least ten to get the final story #and seeing the constant betrayal and inability to trust others he faced yet still ultimately persevering due to his promise to maria #i think bro would be moved.. just a little.. would he think shadow a bit headassed for that considering what the humans did to him #Of Course but also its evident that shadows clearly taking things into his own hands now- as righteous of a mission as it is #despite the persistent attempted influence by everyone around him. shadows a complicated TRAGEDY he'd be moved #mine's artsy like that..... gotta go before i get shot ive said insane things before but this one'll take the cake me thinks #im not explaining everyone else mine's just felt like the one i NEEDED to explain lest i look more insane than usual #06 daigo's purely a Shadow Angst enjoyer. he understands shadow and he's wallowing in the misery of his backstory #majima's weird to categorize cause he definitely can be like Lmao The Fuck and/or just play the game chaotically #and then the aspects of identity come in and on the outside he'll be like 'bro its not that deep' but on the inside its like #Damn He Just Like Me Fr. i think. idk i dont study majima leave me alone im not making ANOTHER One Chara Exclusive category #i said i wouldnt explain anyone else and here i am explaining shut UP im gonna go eat #im not looking at this anymore bye #FORCING myself to leave cause i really will just end up typing essays on bitches perceiving shadow LMAOO

[f4llingstrr]

four days ago, i started reading crimson rivers by zeppazariel.

i have now just finished chapter 41.

i am empty. i do not feel anything. my heart has been ripped out of my chest, which is now totally empty. i lost my ability to Have Feelings.

nothing will ever come close to what i experienced these last four days. nothing. ever.

my soul had been destroyed.

#even my comfort food can't bring me comfort #please send help #i am unable to function #zeppazariel had no right #i didn't sign up for this #(actually i did but leave me alone im in PAIN) #take me out of my misery please #i can't do this anymore #zeppazariel #crimson rivers #marauders #jegulus #dorlene #wolfstar #hunger games #starchaser #read on ao3 #ao3 #fanfic has destroyed me

[babyfairy]

i need more friends

#i hate being alone with my thoughts. i am so sick of it #i feel like i’ll go fucking insane if i have to continue on like this #i don’t even want to invite anyone new into my life because i am so terrified of loss but feeling this isolated and alone is #going to be the end of me if it goes unaddressed #like it can’t continue. waking up every single day feels like a punishment #and life around me just continues like normal. like nothing is wrong #i want to die and i still have to work. my family is destroyed but people are around me laughing and joking #how do i stop being consumed by this misery i don’t understand it. and i don’t want to guilt anyone into checking on me or feeling bad for #me. i just want to stop being in so much pain all the time every single day #there is no relief literally ever. it just continues to progress and get worse #literally i look up ways to *** every single day dude and i just have to like. live that way #feels like a cruel joke to me idk. laugh out loud #anyway if you read all this thanks for caring

[missmeganlee]

Okay but WHAT IF this scene takes place after Wille is forcibly removed from Hillerska. What if Simon saw the fight Wille put up before leaving and this is him holding on to the one thing he has left of his Wille. And Simon’s silently sobbing because he “lost him again”

#I am truly sorry I put this out there besties #I just- I’m suffering from a sad thought and needed to share because I can’t be sad alone #misery likes company #the GC is well aware of this pattern lol #young royals #young royals s2 spoilers #young royals season 2 spoilers #yr s2 spoilers #yr season 2 spoilers

[spookysoph]

When ur best friend starts seeing someone and suddenly every sentence includes them and u want to be happy for them but the little gremlin that lives in ur brain is telling you to leave forever

#diary #please dont judge me i am happy for them i just #ive been alone for so long #and misery loves company

[cursedxartist]

the amount of people out there who refuse to respect explicitly clear boundaries have me so close to making a proper DNI, bc i swear. either these people dont actually read any of our rules, or their silly lil brains twist our words so they believe it somehow doesn't apply to them!

been seeing a lot of pr.o.sh.i.pp.ers who either are covert about being That Way, or will even outright lie about being against it, but openly condone and promote those who write se/xual/ized pr romanticized pe/do/ph/ili/a and shit. I've seen with my own two eyes people write in their rules that they don't condone it, yet when people warn them that they are interacting with people who actively produce such content, they throw a fit, calling it dr/a/ma. and somehow believe that just because they don't write such content personally, then they're not pr/os/shi/p, even tho they knowingly interact with and promote some of the worst ones out there.

So i want to be explicitly clear. do not follow me if you: - are p.ro/sh.i/p, - condone p/ro/shi/p.pers - support p/ros/hipper/s - will knowingly and deliberately put pr/o/s/hi/pper/s on my dash via your interactions with them - think being warned about p/ros/ipp/ers is d/ram/a, and will continue to interact with them even tho you KNOW the content they produce - think that just because YOU dont write pr/o/sh/ip content means you're not a p/ro/sh/i/pp/er even though you knowingly support them basically, if you are going to knowingly and deliberately put pr/osh/ipp/ers on my dash (excluding c/al/lou/ts), stay away from me. if you are unaware if someone is one, thats fine! but please be receptive to warnings so that way i don't have to see their shit on my dash.

i could blacklist urls, sure. but it makes me highly uncomfortable to interact with anyone who even condones this shit, even if they dont write it personally. thats still pr/os/hip.

i also want to clarify, this does NOT apply to those who write dark content, but who does not romanticize or se/xua.liz/e it. it also doesn't apply to those who have immoral, unreliable narrators for muses, but do not share the same thoughts. if your muse romanticizes something gross, but you as the mun do not? thats fine! i LOVE dissecting and analyzing unreliable narrators and characters! but if you, as the mun, produce content of illicit relationships in a way that's meant to be tantalizing and ar/ous/in/g to the audience? FUCK OFF.

you can still make it abundantly clear when an unreliable narrator finds this content alluring, but the audience isnt supposed to.

for example, the book Lo/li/ta. We are not supposed to believe in Hu/mbe/rt when he portrays D/olo/re/s to be this infatuating sed/uctr.ess. But in the moments where we see reality outside of his narration? We see a normal middle school girl. That is the key difference between pro/sh/ip.pers and writers who explore dark content for what it is. One is meant to s/ed/uc/e, and the other is meant to elicit horror from its readers.

And again, i repeat myself:

Even if you, personally, do not write this sort of content - if you knowingly SUPPORT or CONDONE this content, FUCK. OFF.

i dont want this content anywhere near my dash. so dont follow me if you interact with them! because, inevitably, they will end up on my feed!!

condoning or supporting pr/o/shi/pp/ers makes you one too. if you support these freaks, you are a freak. for the love of god, i am so fucking tired. if yall would just stay in your lane and didnt interact with those who are abundantly clear in who they dont want interacting with them then none of this would be an issue. it only becomes an issue when yall think you have some sort of special privilege and that boundaries don't apply to you.

tldr: people who dont know what boundaries are have me so close to making a dni, bc apparently thats what it takes to get these ppl to comprehend that they're not some special exception to the rules

#[ 🌹 | for it is you who is the author of my misery { OOC } ] #ask to tag // #[ sorry for the long post yall. ive been s/ic/kly for the last few days and these freaks keep comin out of the woodwork and i want them-- #-- to leave me and my friends alone is all ] #[ at this point i am probably gonna make a dni with some especially bad urls -- #-- and refuse to follow ppl unless theyre explicitly clear where they stand on this topic in their about/rules ] #[ bc i am SO TIRED of ppl being all vague n sneaky abt this shit ]

[simphunny]

having no money to pay for the side stories hurts my soul. it keeps coming up on the orv tag and i don't wanna spoil it for myself but also who the hell is lee hakyun and what even are my chances of ever reading the side story anyway. correct me if i'm wrong but the side stories disappear over time, so once it's complete i will literally never find it

#orv side story #lee hakhyun #orv spoilers #idk #i'm inconsolable #especially after i saw a post where he apparently talks to kdj??? #what HAPPENS what is the STORY do i even wanna KNOW????? #this post makes me sound like i paid for the official orv publication actually #i didn't #but i'm getting physical copies as a bday present #i think? if they're out yet #i gotta check that actually #damn i'm talking a lot #sorry none of my friends like orv i am alone in my misery

[sarasa-cat]

Still in a state of zonked out misery

The allergies this year. Wtf?

My face looks like it was punched.

.

.

Add in the extra misery of not having good sleep for the past two months for reasons mostly out of my control (good sleep should return this Saturday night, hopefully, when a whole bunch of new furniture finnnnnnally arrives).

And then there is the recovery from ??? Which left my digestive system in a bad place (now recovered although I am still on a medically strict/controlled diet but slowly adding safe-ish foods back in).

My eyes are so red and crusty. Fucking trees.

#fwiw: I prefer to sleep alone #bc all the space— I need it #but that is no longer possible #due to other circumstances #so now I am in a state of misery #until this king sized mattress and bed #arrive #and hopefully that is enough room #for two people and two LARGE BREED CATS #ugh

[anaalnathrakhs]

honestly i just kinda want to cry. im doing pretty okay at handling the whole of everything functionallybut it SUCKS dude it sucks so bad. i dont enjoy anything anymore. i don't find COMFORT anymore. at home, at school, outside. alone, w friends, w family. i got pathologically obssessed with yet another crappy habit that makes my life suck even more, and this time the wheel landed on bulimia and apparently fucking insomnia. im siphoning my savings. im being the worst friend i've ever been. the worst child too. i feel bad all the fucking time. i dont even know what the fuck do i do. psychiatry cabinets dont answer. almost none of them accept new patients anyway. i dont know how to get to the ward without an ongoing practitioner, besides showing up to urgent care, which is probs not the best solution for either me or their logistics. i'm not even sure if that'd help. i probably need such longstanding therapy that it wouldnt even FIX anything it'd just be a change of scenery. which would make me probably feel better on the daily but like. rhythm of life is the thing i struggle with the most. so would that be constructive in the long run.

#i feel like if i could just hold on until i move out for uni................... #i feel like living alone would fix me #and also im pretty convinced that it's fully an illusion bc i like believing that one event can radically change me #when i too am victim to the tragic reality of slow and progressive change #broadcasting my misery #vent

[zwischenland]

life update/2023 so far:

moved to a new (big) city with the intention to build a good life post-graduation; flatmate turned out to be a massive narcissist and i did not have money to move again; spent several months applying to jobs and realised my degree is considered useless outside of science; made some friends (but the person i grew closest to will move away), felt like too much of a mess for dating; got a trainee position with a ridiculous salary but took it for the work experience; visited my best friend in the netherlands and had one good week; started work, struggled with 40h weeks, got along really well with my colleagues; started looking for a flat and realised it is impossible in this city without a good income; rain for weeks, some peace in that; got laid off for financial reasons; mini breakdown (i have been coping weirdly well/suppressing my emotions, not sure); went to the seaside and had a couple good hours; decided to move back to my hometown (for questionable, almost entirely emotional reasons); started looking for a room (anxiously) or flat (pessimistically); my dad still has brain cancer; i have not talked to my therapist in four months

[no-one-hears-me]

I've spent too much time on the verge of suicide to be here today

#suicide tw #that's genuinely embarrassing #why haven't I done it yet. what am I staying here for #the truth is that I am a hopeful person deep inside and I want a decent future #I don't want to die in misery without ever knowing anything different #but the realistic part of me knows that I will never live a peaceful life #my hope is built on the fact that much of my misery stems from my environment and therefore I think that leaving will make me happy #and there is so much truth to that. I would be happier in different circumstances #but that doesn't change the lifetime of abuse and social isolation that has fundamentally damaged me as a person #I will carry the past with me wherever I go and it's impossible for me to escape #I will never be someone that was equipped to function in society and that is no fault of mine but I alone carry the burden #which really upsets me. why is my life ruined over someone else's choices? it's so easy to destroy someone #and so I know I will never truly change #I've had an ed for over 5 years I've been casually suicidal for like 10 years. also this happened during important formative years #I'm never gonna be mentally healthy. why do I keep holding on to the future #I wanna do something drastic #I wanna cut people out of my life. like past friends that are somewhat current #I'm easy to take advantage of bc I'm so lonely and desperate for a friend #and I wanna stop talking to the people that don't value me bc I know they don't care and it makes me sad all the time #but the problem is that I am desperate for a friend. and I don't wanna lose anyone even if they are shitty #unfortunately I still love them even if they don't care about me #that's so pathetic tbh but I can't help it. I love everyone #Sera

[gnarlystarships]

😬

#weird thing about my mental state rn #i am pretty anxious and paranoid and miserable while alone #which is most of the time #other than parents #but when i’m actually doing something with people i feel 99% normal #but it’s just not feasible to be doing shit with people or be with people all the time #so i just have to wait for my brain to stop this era of misery #which i am assuming is due to the lack of sunlight #ograt

[eatyoursparkout]

bvz is so fun to write because he’s living in the wrong genre. The baker st gang are running around in a combo situational comedy/murder mystery learning about the power of friendship and meanwhile he’s enduring as the protagonist of his own little gothic drama. he’s scrooge amongst the muppets

#van zieks: angst angst misery and angst. I am so goth and alone #ryuu: taking sholmes to the hospital (again) because he ate soap for science (again) #anyway after I post this gen/horror-y oneshot I’ll probably pivot back to some sort of tf fic #I’ve had a lot of writing insp lately #and not all of it involves emotionally tormenting victorian lawyers #book.chatter

[boyfeminism]

i know officially bottom growth isnt reversible but it fucking feels like it is i need to get back on testosterone 🧍‍♂️

#speaking #my insurance goes thru jan 1st. i can make it. #i am convinced my dick is smaller im gonna implode #sometimes im like sure im happy with where im at with t #and then i think about my voice and hair and fat distribution and bottom growth and everything t is supposed to keep changing #and i feel like i failed bc i can fucking do a shot once a week #none of its enough. its never going to be enough. #wheres my stupid dick -_- #CANT do a shot a week. cant fucking type either. #sorry for getting weird about my body and having a hard time falling asleep. it will happen again. #feeling miserable. if i lived alone id play a video game for a bit or sleep on the floor but id feel weird doing either with js #jackie here. like an immediate accountability and not smthn i did in private misery. #im just too aware of my body i think.