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phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust · 3 years

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Yoko threatening suicide happened more than once. She threatened to commit suicide if John didn’t sponsor her art in the beginning & she threatened to commit suicide if John continued to have a relationship with Julian. This was after the Kyoko kidnapping situation hence why John didn’t see or contact Julian for almost 3 years.

Threatening suicide is manipulative emotional blackmail. Everyone talks about John’s mental health but no one has ever seriously talked about Yoko’s mental health issues. She did try to kill herself after her first marriage collapsed and was in a mental institution.

Cw abuse, suicide threats

Does anyone have sources to confirm or elaborate upon the suicide threats?

Assuming anons claims are true (I don't think you're lying btw anon, but I just like to have sources before I make any sweeping statements), I agree! And its a point ive actually been trying to illustrate for awhile!Threatening suicide can be symptomatic of BPD, and while thats not a mental illness I believe Yoko struggles with*, its still telling us that we should be recognising her as a mentally ill individual. That doesn’t mean anyone has to like or forgive her, because similar to what I was saying here (x), forgiveness and whether reparations suffice is a personal choice. But we should at the very least recognise some nuance and empathy regarding Yoko, rather then just totally vilifying her.

(*Im not ruling that diagnosis out entirely, but in speculating on her mental health I just see other disorders as better evidenced - though I do admit im not the most knowledgeable when it comes to Yoko.)

After posting this quote (x) a lot of people have responded with a lot contempt towards Yoko, and whilst I do understand that point of view, and I don’t think people are wrong in being disgusted by her behaviour there - I just cant help but feel somewhat sympathetic for her. She was such a mentally ill individual, who perhaps had such a fear of abandonment or a compulsive need to control that she felt compelled to threaten/attempt suicide. It is an abhorrently manipulative and abusive tactic, and I understand the immediate disgust in reaction - but at the same time, I can acknowledge that this abusive behaviour came as a product of mental illness.

A lot of us have empathy for John because although he was inarguably abusive, I think we can understand that this was a result of his own instability and immense insecurity. Without justifying any of Johns abuse, I can still empathise with him in the sense that I understand what its like to be confused and cruel and disorderly - and I can understand that the pain we often cause others is just a result of our own.

I just think we can often be very quick to entirely dismiss Yoko's mental instability, rather then analysing her the same way we do with John. At the same time though, I admit that im a bit of a hypocrite in saying that - its not as if ive analysed her psychology in the same depth as I have with Johns. But I guess my point is that we perhaps generalise when we just call Yoko “evil” and don’t attempt to find any understanding within her. There just appears to be an innate hypocrisy in allowing nuance in examining John, whilst disallowing the same for Yoko (I know ive linked so many of my posts already, but like, yup made this point here (x) lmao)

But also as ive said here (x), I think that there are reasons why many of us can get past Johns history of abuse but not Yoko’s - namely, John showed remorse over his actions, and eventually grew as a person, and took full accountability for his wrong-doings. Many people would argue that Yoko has not done the same.

As I mentioned here (x) and here (x) Yoko was always in competition with Paul. As she invokes in her own words, she's a replacement, albeit she claims she's a replacement for Stu here, but I believe she was intelligent enough to recognise she was also a replacement for Paul in 1968. None of that means she was right to threaten suicide, but it really just speaks more so to my broader argument that the John&Yoko relationship was just unhealthy from both behalf’s. Both parties were using the other as a vessel, and it was not a relationship built on solid and loving grounds.

#late reply! but still better then…no reply ;)#yes that was a bug reference #yoko ono #asks #anon #yokos psyche #john and yoko #cw abuse #psychology #beatles #cw suicide

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years

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TW - abuse, emotional abuse, CSA, COCSA vent + looking for advice & validation. please excuse me if i missed a tag. i'm sorry that this turned out to be too long, i wanted to get this out. for context, in early 2021, i had to live with my aunt and her family when my parents divorced. her eldest son had his own mental health issues and had a hard time controlling his anger. when he tried to touch me against my consent and i stopped him, he lost his temper and started hitting me. this continued for a good 6 months or so. his parents and others always asked me to move on and forgive him since he was "still going through therapy" and kept enabling him. he also tried to rape me when i was half asleep, but i pushed him off. he beat me pretty bad for a good 1.3h then. i have pictures of the bruises and the black eyes. he'd always apologize and try to make up after but never stopped. his younger sister was the only one to somewhat look out for me and often tried to keep him away from me. his parents still try to brush this off even today. my dad was working as a single parent so wasn't able to visit often. i am very lucky to be in a school that doesn't ask us to turn on cameras. we weren't allowed to move out of the house bc of how bad covid struck my place so i was isolated more than half the time. a few friends noticed me sounding weak on a call once and that was the only time i actually was able to get help. when i had the courage to speak up, i was accused of trying to "break the family apart" and everyone around me was completely against bringing this to the police. even my dad didn't want to get into it although he genuinely cares about me but he had a lot on his plate then. he & his parents did apologize to me and we had a deal to stay away from each other and i went to live w/ my granny and dad. i wasn't able to afford therapy and still can't. my mind dipped into very dark places last year and i relied a lot on online resources. he's 18 now, i'm going to turn 18. but he's now become the pride of our family. he passed a very difficult exam and is on the way on getting into a famous college. i think he took a gap year earlier and apparently went through intensive therapy, but i'm not sure of the details. he visited earlier this week because my granny wanted to meet him. it was too much for me. although he tried his best to stay away from me, even when he so as simply asked me about how my academics were going i panicked and left. i threw up later. i feel horrible because throughout this entire ordeal i've had little to no support and i've relied on myself and friends. even now everyone's attention is on him. everybody is ignoring everything he's done in the past, even if he improved. i'm happy he's had the help he needed but i can't feel so angry. i ended up cursing him out as he left. he looked pretty sad on leaving and my grandma was upset about it altho she didn't complain. i think my feelings are getting out of control since i've been getting really sick even thinking of it these days. any advice on how i should deal with such intense emotions of hate and try to feel better? i want to let go of this and move on.

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you've gone through all of this. Please know that you deserve so much better.

It can hurt a lot when you have the courage to speak up, but then are invalidated and gaslighted. You are not responsible for keep the family together. A good, strong family does not tolerate abuse. You deserved to be supported and cared for, not brushed aside. It's okay to feel how you feel about that. You deserved so much better.

It sounds like your family just wants to sweep this under the rug. Their reaction does not mean that the abuse you endured doesn't matter. What he did to you matters and is not okay, no matter how your family reacts.

Honestly, his accomplishments don't take away his horrible, abusive behaviour. You're under no obligation to congratulate him or share in celebration with your family. His abuse of you doesn't go away just because he's doing well in school and the family is proud of him.

I'm sorry so many people are making you feel invalidated and unsupported. It's okay to be angry, frustrated, hurt, and anything else. It's okay to be disappointed in your family and angry that your family is ignoring his abusive past. It can feel like they don't care about you. But you are worthy of care, support, and understanding.

Some things that have helped me process my feelings and lessen the intensity of my emotions, especially anger, are: - Journaling. Vent, write about your day, follow prompts, and write without judgement of your feelings and thoughts. - Sensory toys, particularly squishies - Punching pillows, screaming/yelling, kicking pillows, tearing boxes apart - Calm the system down. Here are some grounding techniques. Here and here are some meditations. Here and here are breathing exercises. - Talking about it. Ideally this would be a therapist, and I encourage you to seek out a cheap or free therapist/counselor. There are sometimes programs for youth that provide this. - Let yourself think about these things, but also give yourself a break and engage in some self care.

Here is a post about the validity of anger in healing.

Expressing anger in a healthy way.

A radical acceptance worksheet for emotions.

Take care. You deserve support.

- Misa

#mod misa #trauma talks #tw csa #tw cocsa #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw r #tw r word #r word

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

#fandom #fic things #mymetas #never any easy questions on this blog huh? lol

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aqvarius · 4 years

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Do you think Kazuomi is actually really serious with his relationship with mc? Because I don't think so and I feel bad since his mc is most likely be more invested in their relationship emotion-wise.... Same goes with Kei too, even though his hasn't overcome his trauma but I think he shouldn't be in a relationship with his mc (cant put it into words). How would you rank them in terms of "serious, emotionly and mentally stable, compatability" since imho only yuzu and his mc are a fit lol

hmmmmmm good question. i have to admit that i haven’t yet played kazu’s s2 fully (but have read his s2 pov and the epis) but the feeling i get from his and his mc’s relationship is that it’s a really fresh relationship which hasn’t yet matured. kazuomi and his mc are a good match in terms of chemistry and compatibility in that they always challenge each other. i did think they were finally getting close in obscura where he finally got to see her ‘real self’ and i was kinda hoping they would drop the whole games thing and really start to get to know each other beyond the banter. and then they kind of went and reversed that development with nudus and season 2. his s2 pov made me realise that at that time, he wasn’t actually in love with his mc, he’s just attracted to her more intensely than he has been with the other women in her life. so he ‘fell’ for her in season 1 but in my opinion it wasn’t really love. and tbh even at the end of his season 2, i think he likes her VERY much but i’m still on the fence as to whether or not it’s love. i think it’s pretty obvious from the way i talk about my favourite voltage moments/characters/couples that i love DEVELOPMENT lol and i just feel like with kazu and his mc, there is a sort of sense of arrested development? one of the big issues in his season 2 imo that i feel didn’t get resolved in his pov (i can’t say about the main route) is that he is confronted with having to change his way of life for the sake of his gf and their relationship and yet every time he chooses to just do things his own way?

edit: rest of the answer placed under cut for season 2 spoilers + length

for kazu, i feel like their relationship will only mature when he’s willing to give up the core aspects of his “selling points” (money/power/games) for his mc and their relationship. i do understand that they’re still pretty early on in their relationship, like it’s just been a matter of months and you don’t get deep with people that easily, but i hope that we do eventually get to see him really change in the future and they can love each other sincerely for who they are underneath all the games and banter. i think that’s why i love his self-pleasure story in otkoi bc we just got to see kazu do stuff that’s so not his style just for her, and then they had a really straightforward and wholesome talk about what’s missing in their relationship without being hidden behind codes and games.

i think they rely so much on the concept of kazuomi as thrilling that we don’t really get to see that many genuine moments with him which i’m a bit sad about, because i love his genuine side the most. even in devians, when he was pretending to be normal, he still orchestrated everything and then the story took it back to that whole concept where the selling point of the route is that kazuomi is really rich and powerful and does huge grand gestures. i don’t mind that bc kazuomi is Extra to his very core but i really miss the REAL kazuomi that we saw in his s1 being all soft for just like... seeing busy and vibrant spaces full of happy people.

insert that magneto “i prefer the real [owner of the] raven [hotel]” meme lmao.

ANYWAY i do think that his occultus second night shows him finally starting to open up a little outside of just like “you’re the only one who can match up to my wits”. i feel like kazuomi showing off with grand gestures and flaunting his wealth and power is kind of his way of coping with the loneliness and trauma of the darkest part of his life, which is why it’s so significant that he lets her into the space where he was at a low point living in that motel before meeting zack. i hope that we get to see kazu really have to sacrifice some of his current core values/priorities for the sake of his mc, and i hope the way he thinks about her changes to become deeper and more mature beyond just like “she can always stand up to my challenges” - basically going from liking and being attracted to her to really loving her.

with kei, i have a lot of mixed feelings about how bdsm is presented. since i’m not a mental health professional, i don’t really want to make any strong comments about what’s healthy or not when dealing with childhood trauma aside from like the idea that therapy is important (although kei himself admits that he’s actively driven away all his therapists). but i agree that he hasn’t overcome his trauma and, like kazu, still hasn’t even after the events of his s2. i haven’t read any of the content after his s2 main story so i can’t speak on what happens when his mc meets his grandparents and such but just based on the way he just peaced out during his s2, it’s evident that his issues manifest through at the very least his phobia of commitment (not even going to comment on the way he acted when her necklace was broken and how she was literally afraid of his reaction and also the way he like... forced her to drink juice? i picked the option where i tried to reject the juice and the fact that he forced me to anyway and she drank it bc she was afraid of him made me really uncomfortable lol). in my opinion, his sexual relationship with his mc is also very much based on his issues with power and control (ostensibly stemming from trauma) and she kind of bends over backwards to not step on his toes when it comes to his control issues. my experience with bdsm is that communication (and aftercare lol) is so important for maintaining a healthy relationship but i just kind of feel like she’s not necessarily an active participant as a sub and doesn’t really know what being a sub entails in a healthy dynamic but rather is just like going along with what he wants bc (1) it’s thrilling maybe? (they really play up the like physical pleasure aspect) and (2) he might be kinda distant if they don’t do it like that? i guess? i don’t really know bc i don’t tend to read his stories bc i’m not like the most comfortable with how they deal with power play.

i do think that the relationship he has with his mc isn’t exactly a balanced and healthy relationship? and i also think that kazuomi’s relationship (that we’ve seen so far) is also kinda unhealthy lol. essentially, with both kazu and kei, i feel like their relationships with their mcs kind of enable (what i perceive to be) the coping mechanism aspects of their personalities.

WITH THAT SAID, i don’t think that people need to be at a fully stable and emotionally mature place to fall in love and start relationships and honestly voltage loves doing the thing where like the mc falls for awful people bc they’re only so mean bc they're so broken and she wants to fix them uwu shinobu narita lmao which personally i don’t like, but it does make for dramatic routes and does set up for future development. it’s still early stages yet in their relationships since i think they’ve only been together for a few months, and they’re definitely still testing the waters. i think we’re being tricked/distracted by all those dramatic climax moments into thinking that their relationship is really serious but tbh they are just barely beginning to actually open up to each other. i just hope that they allow the love interests (and their respective mcs) to mature and develop into healthy people without just throwing out life threatening routes where the relationship dynamic doesn’t necessarily change but it just becomes about newer and grander ways of making big and powerful gestures to save the situation lol. does that make sense? i don’t know if i’m articulating myself well.

but anyway i agree, from season 1 i always though yuzu’s mc was the best out of all of them. and they are the only ones who have a remotely healthy relationship like why is the yuzu the only one who’s actually considerate? sometimes he can be such an obtuse block of wood but that’s just who he is as a person. and when it comes to the important stuff, he’s actually the most willing to change and compromise for his mc. like... the Difference between kazuomi and his mc’s contract scene vs yuzu and his mc’s contract scene is kind of astronomical. even in yuzu’s devians which is like 3 chapters long only, you can see his growth from being an insensitive blockhead to really trying to understand what she needs from their relationship. and just looking at the way that he treats her emotions re: their relationship has evolved from treating it like a beta test where they give each other feedback reports to him embracing her ‘bugs’? that’s growth babey. time for kazuomi and kei to learn some lessons from the only valid masquerader.

#yikes why did i write so much #kazuomi shido #kei soejima #yuzuru shiba #masquerade kiss #mk #voltage inc #otome romance #love 365 #snow answers #Anonymous #meta

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smileyoongle · 5 years

Text

Masterpiece (A Park Jimin Yandere AU)

Summary: You thought it was just a painting until you bought it. You thought the man in the frame was beautiful until you saw him. You thought it was a masterpiece until you were ruined.

Pairing: Yandere! Jimin×Reader, Taehyung×Reader

Warnings: Contains mentions of smut, deaths, blood, obsessive behaviour and mental health issues. Please read at your own risk.

Your hands were placed firmly on either side of your bathroom sink, steadying you as you stared at your reflection in the mirror.

Correction.

As you stared at him through the reflection in the mirror.

You couldn't tell how long you had been standing like this but you sure knew that you were about to pass out. Your hair was damp and it stuck to your skin, the towel wrapped around you absorbing the tiny drops of water that glided down your shoulders. There was a suffocating silence in the bathroom, the cool air from your bedroom making goosebumps rise on your skin.

You were hallucinating, you concluded. How else could park Jimin be standing behind you right now? Paintings didn't come to life. Even though you liked that idea, they just didn't. Your mind was in a daze, unable to comprehend what your next move should be. But you had to do something. Maybe call out for help? Taehyung and Nan were right downstairs, weren't they?

No, Y/N. They'd probably make you go back for another therapy session.

You swallowed thickly before inhaling deeply. Jimin stood still behind you, his smirk unmoving along with his eyes. If you didn't see the rise and fall of his chest, you would have thought he was a statue.

"You're not real." You whispered, your eyes becoming moist due to the lack of blinking. Another beat of silence passed before Jimin's lips twisted into a grin. Your breath hitched, your fingers tightening their grip on the counter to keep you standing. He cocked an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side and resting it on the doorframe.

"You tell me." Came his reply. His voice was gentle, like a lullaby. You didn't expect anything less but in all honesty, you weren't really anticipating any of this. This was pure madness. You were going mad.

Your curiosity got the best of you and you just had to turn around, your eyes meeting the absence of the very man who was driving you nuts. To say you were relieved was an understatement, a grateful sigh leaving your lips almost immediately.

Okay, you aren't going mad. You're just sleep deprived.

You placed your hands on your hips, slowly stepping out of the bathroom and scanning the room for any kind of sign that someone had been here.

"Looking for me?"

You flinched, your eyes falling on Taehyung as he stood with his arms crossed at your bedroom door. You gave him a disapproving glare for scaring you before walking past him towards your closet. Taehyung chuckled and followed you, his hands wrapping around your waist as you opened the doors to your wardrobe. Your heart did that thing, a frown gracing your eyebrows at the familiar feeling. It was because of Taehyung. No kidding.

You felt his hot breath on your neck, his lips meeting your shoulder right after. His hands gripped your waist tighter, pulling you against his body. As much as you wanted to tell him to leave, you couldn't.

"Tae, what are you doing?" You breathed, wincing when he bit down on your shoulder harshly. He peppered your neck with kisses until he reached your ear.

"What do you think?" He rasped, sucking right beneath your ear. You let out a soft moan before he turned you around. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, your lips pressing against his firmly. His tongue ran across your bottom lip, his fingers digging into your hips roughly and making you gasp. He deepened the kiss, lust clouding over both of you.

You never had self control around Taehyung. Everytime you decided that you wouldn't do this to him, his touch had you melting.

"Fuck, I love you."

The irony.

You immediately pulled away, your hands pushing Taehyung away from you. His hands loosened their hold on your hips, his chest heaving as an aftermath of the snogging you both had done. Taehyung closed his eyes in frustration, your shoulder brushing against his as you rushed past him.

Taehyung wanted to slap himself for saying those words to you. He knew better than that but he just couldn't hold it back. He had to let you know how he felt, although your reaction told him that you already knew. For years, he stood by you, waiting for you to mirror his feelings but you never did. And every time he asked, he got the same answer.

"I can't deal with the kind of emotional investment that a relationship requires."

You clenched the front of your towel, your other hand going towards the doorknob of your bedroom door. Your head began to throb, indicating that you were gonna be downing aspirins in a couple hours. Today was a little too eventful for you and not in a happy way. Everything was just going wrong.

"Just- just please tell me what I can do to change your mind.."

Your hand froze on the doorknob, a subtle ache passing over you upon hearing the desperation in Taehyung's voice. You almost gave in. Almost. With a sharp inhale, you opened the door and turned to Taehyung, your eyes fixed on the maroon carpet of your room. You couldn't look him in the eyes, too scared to witness the pain in them. All because of you.

"Leave." You stated sternly, pursing your lips and waiting patiently for him to do as you said. You heard him chuckle bitterly, your fists clenching by your side. Your eyes fell shut as he walked over to you, his warm breath fanning your face before he placed a kiss on your forehead. You pursed your lips tighter, an apology begging to be let out.

"Take care." Taehyung mumbled against your forehead, glancing at you one last time before leaving you alone. With shaky hands, you slammed the door shut, falling on the floor with your back against it.

You tucked your knees under your chin, blinking rapidly to prevent yourself from crying. You felt dizzy, your head spinning as you tried to stay conscious. The events of the day were taking a toll on you, your body slowly shutting down. You whimpered and crawled to your bed, getting under the blankets with much difficulty. You were still in your towel, your fingers ripping it off you and tossing it to the ground. A single tear made its way to the side of your face, your eyes staring at the ceiling.

"No matter how much you try to push me away, I'll always be here."

"You'll never be alone, Y/N. I promise to be your rock."

"I don't care what everyone says, you are my best friend and I'm not letting anyone take that away."

"We both could just stay single for the rest of our lives. No relationship rollercoasters!"

A sob escaped your mouth, your hand immediately going to cover it up. You were alone in your room but you still felt exposed. As if a hundred eyes were watching you break down. This was intimate, even in your own personal space. You didn't wanna cry. No. You weren't weak.

Taehyung's words kept running through your mind, making you wonder why things changed. He used to be supportive of your single-forever tag and now, he wanted the opposite of it. You wouldn't have cared if he got into a relationship, he was still gonna be your best friend. But the problem was, he wanted this with you. And something told you that he was in too deep for you to do anything about it.

With a heavy exhale, you closed your eyes, the headache taking over along with the mental exhaustion.

_____________________________________________

Tears streamed down your face endlessly, the ropes digging into your skin as you struggled against them. The basement was dark and eerily quiet, the only noises coming from the gagged girls who lay unconscious at the corner of the room. It was a mistake. You should have just taken the long way home. So what if your dad would have gotten mad at you? At least you would be home. Safe and sound.

The dirty rag tied up around your mouth was wet with your saliva, protests leaving your mouth as you tried to scream. You still didn't know how you got here. All you remembered was that alley. That damned alley.

A loud clanking of chains grabbed your attention, your eyes widening as you froze. Someone was coming, you could tell. Your chest heaved as you waited patiently for your kidnapper to show himself. You guessed it was a male. It had to be.

The silhouette of a man made its way to you, your head leaning forward to see who it was. And the second he stepped into the light, your blood ran cold. Cameron D'silva, your new neighbour who had managed to make you crush on him. His eyes were darker than you had ever seen, his dirty blonde hair a mess. His lips curved into a smirk, a sadistic one. You immediately shook your head, not being able to believe this. The one time you liked a guy, he ended up being a kidnapper? Wow.

"Hello, Y/N. You don't know how good I feel to finally see you here. All tied up for me." He chuckled, running his fingers down your arm. You flinched, making incoherent noises until he rolled his eyes and took off your gag. You coughed, licking your lips before speaking.

"Why are you doing this?!" You asked, your vision hazy with the amount of tears that constantly pooled in your eyes. Cameron raised an eyebrow, giving you his sweetest smile. You wanted throw up at the show he was putting on. You couldn't believe that this was the same guy who had taken you to the fair as a date.

"You see, I like you, Y/N. I really do. And it has always been a fantasy of mine to tie my girl up while I give her the time of her life-" You spat on him, glaring at him with all the hatred you could muster. You were disgusted by him. There was no way you would let him touch you. He clenched his jaw, wiping away your saliva from his face before chuckling bitterly.

"You aren't the first one, Y/N. All those girls have defied me only to end up with the same fate. But don't worry, I promise I like you more than them. They are nothing compared to you." He said, grinning at you and playing with your hair. You gritted your teeth, ready to bite back when he harshly pulled your hair, making you scream in agony. The cynical expression on his face had etched itself in your memory, his eyes portraying the insanity that he possessed.

"I can't wait to ruin you…"

You jolted awake with sweat beading on your forehead, your heart pounding against your ribcage. Your throat was dry and your hands were clammy. Even in your naked state, you were sweating. You took in your surroundings, sighing in relief upon seeing your own bedroom.

Just a dream.

Even though you convinced yourself that it was just a dream, you found it difficult to breathe. Your lungs were on fire and your mind kept replaying the bitter dream again and again like a broken record. No matter how much you ran, that night always came back to haunt you.

Your body trembled as you pulled the blanket up to your neck and rested against the headboard. You were slowly slipping away. Unfortunately, there was no Taehyung this time. He was gone and you had to help yourself alone. Your breathing turned shallow with every passing second, your head throbbing in pain.

"Breathe, Y/N, breathe. You're safe here. It's all over."

Your eyebrows furrowed, your attention moving towards the voice you had just heard. Your room was empty, only your breathing echoing through its walls. But whoever it was, your mind definitely reacted positively to the voice. You could feel yourself relaxing, your brain registering the fact that it was all really over. It had been years since that night and you were completely alright. Your eyes darted around the room, your body twisting around in the sheets to find the source of the voice.

Hadn't you heard it before?

You wracked your brain as you got out of bed, quickly putting on a robe over your bare body. There was definitely no one here, right? Suddenly, the realisation dawned on you, your eyes falling on the portrait in front of your bed. You had heard this voice during your little hallucination drama. Bingo!

Were you going insane for real?

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anonymousfeeling137 · 5 years

Text

When you meet your Ex

I met my ex 7months ago at a funeral.. We hadn't spoken to each other in 4 years. When I saw him I was so happy and wanted to talk to him and ask him how he was doing.. He didn't say anything to me and left. I texted him why he left without talking.. To which he responded with 😀 this emoji..

Then slowly we started talking about each other.. He told me he never stopped loving me and that when he saw me he felt the exact same feeling when he got when we were together and that he could have done everything by now for me and convinced everyone in our family for our marriage.. (we are second cousins, mind you, and had a long distance relationship for 3 years)

We started talking again and love sparked and I fell for him all over again.. We started talking to each other on calls, msgs, video calls. He would always insist on video calls even if I we couldn't talk he wanted to see me.. And would say that he would never let me go this time now that I am back..

We met in Indore and I stayed there for a week and met him everyday and we got intimate.. He was all good with me.. Then after the week.. I came back to my city and he got busy with his studies, we stayed in contact via calls and msgs, yet every time he would sound a lil distant.. But I knew he was stressed out with his studies, family and everything.

On April 29th(his birthday), he was at a wedding. He's childhood friend (and a distant relative of his and mine) was getting married to my bhabhi's sister. My brother was there and so were my family and his family.. My bhabhi never said a word to me to come join them for the wedding, she is a narcissistic malicious women and has my brother and my family under her control and fault pretence of being the victim of abuse by me. (which is completely wrong). She and her family (my brother's in law's) have told everyone that I am torchering her to do things.

Mind you we live in a metro city, and we have never ever tried to control or harress her. My brother always takes her side and does what she says.. Yet she made everyone believe her over the actual truth.. She and malicious actions had made my life hell after she got married to my brother 3 years back..

When I met my ex.. He told me what his friend/groom had told him about me.. Which he himself said that I didn't date her(me) now but I know she(me) is not that kinda person who would harress anyone. Anyways, when he told me this that's when I got to know what they had been doing.. All this while when my aunts and others were taunting me randomly and would fight with me, I thought it was me who they had problem with.. I hadn't told anyone what she would do to me and how she would spoil my things steal my money and hide food so I couldn't eat.. There had been times I had stayed hungry all day and had nothing in the house to cook or eat.. Coz she even hides /locks up stuff in her cupboard. Anyways, I suffer from chronic depression, PCOS, Anxiety disorder and dyslexia, I have had consulted psychologist and taking meds for PCOS..

Anyways the behavior of those people and all the accusations made my mental health even worse and even had no support from anyone in the family. And bhabhi and her family intends to mentally torture me so I would commit suicide like my mother.. Which they would be the sole in charge over our property as fooling others wouldn't be that big of a problem. They manipulate my family that she will kill herself if I stayed with her as I am a bad guy here.. Where actually I am a scapegoat to all the malicious intentions and tortures..

Anyways back to the story, when my bf(previous ex) said this was told about you.. I was more stressed on the level of hatred they had for me. I started telling him what exactly had happened and the truth about who tortures whom.

Somehow I felt like he would understand me and stand by me when I needed him. So I would tell him what all the shit she does on a day to day basis after the wedding.

When I came back from indore, after the "intimate moments", he would ask me all the time to make sure I didn't get pregnant or anything...

So after he came back from the wedding I asked him what happened in the wedding... Like I wanted to know what my bhabhi had done more to spoil my image.. What poison she had injected now.. He said he wasn't aware of it.. She looked pretty normal to do such a thing to anyone and when he asked his friend the groom about his wife /the bride's behavior he said she is very good. So yeah.. But by the time he said that we were already having a heated argument and I was so angry by his attitude that I said this groom is your FRIEND, but he is not fucking you to tell you about his wife and their conversation especially after when you had previously said that I wouldn't hurt anyone... Why would he tell his friend what his wife told about her sisters inlaws after you had made clear that you don't believe his wife.. Why would he.. Are you letting him fuck you or what(because pillow talks, not that I didn't suspected him, but seriously we were fighting) .. Anyway what I meant was.. His friend and his woman were couples and couples talk all the things including good and bad about anyone they hate or love.. Which my brother and my bhabhi do too.. And I have seen how my brother takes her side all the fucking time even when he knows that she is doing wrong.. Even when she tells him not to talk to me he would do it and mind you me my bother and her live together in our house. But he never says anything bad about my bhabhi to me or anyone even when she had made it very clear that she hates me and even when he got to know that she had stolen more than 1 lac from him when he was abroad and gave it to her father.. Accused me of torturing her that she had a miscarriage when my brother was abroad for 5 months and she'd had her periods every fucking month.. He still choose to believe that crap.. When his bff who's house he was staying in abroad how bullshit her logic is and that everymonyh you tell me today she has trouble coz she had periods and you believe she had a miscarriage when you hadn't seen her for 5 months..who's child was it.. (these thing brother told me when he realized what she had done and why he wasn't talking to me since he left) anyways..

I think he is taking her side becoz

1. He gets free sex, to Kuch bolo to uska action band hojaega

2. She is always seeking his attention no matter where they are, which make him feel more of a man

3. She is gets very jealous and angry when he talks to anyone women, so to avoid unnecessary drama and conflict that doesn't concern him, she had even asked him when he they got married initially to stop talking to me and my cousins...

Now, you might think that he loves, which I thought too but he doesn't, considering he's still flirting and in intimate contact with his exes and I know this coz those exes were known to me and they keep calling and texting me when my bhabhi saw their msgs and had a cat fight with them..

Anyways.. They don't a have a romantic relationship with each other.. They just satisfy each other's selfish needs and requirements and that's the foundation of their "love", so it gets altered and modified as per needs and wants time to time...

Anyways

After that huge fight with my bf when I told him that your friend doesn't get to fuck you, he gets to fuck his wife and would never choose you over her, my bf got offended, then disappeared for a week. I too was angry at his attitude so I didn't call him either.. Now I know the way I said was wrong and I called him to apologize.. Which he didn't say anything to and said he will call me back but then never called me or texted me whatsoever

After about a week or so due to his lack of response and communication and after waiting for him to tell me something I called and confronted him to which he said since I hurt his ego he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't feel like talking to me..

Then I asked him what he wants to do with the relationship to which he responded that he never was in a relationship and that HE doesn't trust me if I will leave him again when he had clearly used and dumped me and didn't even tell me that he wants to breakup.. Like when he was hurting me for something, he was scared of me hurting him for the same thing.. The audacity of that boy(I wouldn't call me a man coz he never had the balls to be one) saying that while he slept with me was because I forced him to and that it concentual and almost forced to him so he was never in relationship with me at all.. So he doesn't have an issue leaving me without even telling me that he is.. But he needed that commitment from me coz he couldn't trust me after I left him 4 years ago..

Anyways... That's my story.. The post break up experience with my ex..

I don't think that's what people except it to be but it is the truth..

People change over a period of time and no one can actually make someone be in love with anyone... People love by choice and making it love by chance of fate or whatever is bullshit bollywood/Hollywood crap to sell their crappy love stories...

You leave your ex for a reason and yes feeling for someone or attraction for someone might be there somewhere but they are out of your life for a reason and that's probably should be the way it is.. What the girl did in this video is absolutely correct.. If the relationship was worth anything it wouldn't have ended in the first place..

That's all I got to say..

And also that.. Our behavior is in our hand and it's up to us to change but our behavior doesn't define us.. Yes we make a lot of mistakes which costs us relationship but we can always change our behavior for ourselves and our loved ones, our reactions to good or bad situations or emotions and actions... But we cannot and should not change our Character for anyone..

I have learned that bringing outside problems to relationships can take the essence of it and anger is our worst enemy. We should learn to be controlled and collected in any situation no matter how bad they affect us.. To stay away from people who don't support us and love us when we're at our worst... And to respect yourself enough to let go of anything person, relationship, situation that's toxic for you.. Its easier said than done, I know, but it must be done... At the end it would be definitely difficult to live without someone you truly love but it's IMPOSSIBLE to live without yourself... So love yourself and choose what's best for you..

BE A LOVER. CHOOSE LOVE. GIVE LOVE TO EVERYONE. CHOOSE THEM FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE AND NOT WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE. SPREAD LOVE AND HAPPINESS AND TRUST YOUR JOURNEY.. TRUST GOD.. HE HAS GIVEN YOU THE PAIN HE WILL HEAL YOU..

ALLL THE LOVE.... TO EVERYONE I LOVED AND LOST AND WILL LOVE AGAIN...

😘😘😘😘😘😘

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#Breakupkebaad #breakup #ex boyfriend #relationship #Neilstrauss

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