#also jon is tired but thats nothing new

[spacemandoodles]

Of course this is the first ever piece of TMA fanart I make, of course it is.

Reference:

#elias is a rat bastard man and i love him for it #never change baby girl #also jon is tired but thats nothing new #tma #the magnus archives

[stevie-petey]

I need something cute, like Steve getting a glimpse into the future and just seeing everything he's ever wanted. A big house full of kids, it's loud and busy, Toys scattered around. Then he just sees bug in all her glory. She's not dressed up or anything. Wearing pj's and sitting on the couch surrounded by a gaggle of little Harringtons. Some look like her, some look like him, maybe one who's too little to tell. Older ones sitting across the floor. Everyone's doing their own thing but all together in the same room. Everything feels warm and cozy. No more fighting for their lives, or worrying about what's gonna happen next. They're safe, surrounded by love that they created.

I imagine it like when Nancy comes back around Steve feels confused about his feelings ( Steve and Nancy never really had a friend phase like Steve and bug did, so I feel like they have trouble acting like friends around each other. It always lands into flirting territory and this might be confusing for the both of them.) And then he just gets hit with this vision and it makes him wanna cry. All he's ever wanted right in front of him but out of reach. When he'd get out of the upside he'd basically throw himself at bug. Any confusion is out the window and he knows what he wants.

ALSO, I feel like the jug reunion will be so good. I know season four took a lot away from Jon's character but I feel like it was needed. He saw his younger brother dead, his mom go crazy, planned a funeral BY HIMSELF ( and bug), he's almost died a million times. He deserved a break. He deserves to be a teenager and smoke weed, to forget about college for a minute. I feel like it helped him kinda go back to his old self, or maybe become someone new entirely that's a mixture of his two selves. Bugs tired when he comes back from California. She's been through hell and back and now she gets to see her old friend again. She gets to pretend like nothing has happened. Like she didn't almost die, like she hasn't been cursed or plagued with nightmares. She gets to relax and distract herself from everything that's happening around her. Don't get me wrong she's Happy, she loves Steve and she wouldn't give those memories up for the world, but she missed Jonathan. Everythings fucked but when bug and bee are together it's okay, they feel like everything will be okay. I feel like after everything that happened with vecna she'd feel homesick if that makes sense? She's way too stressed out and just wants to go home, but homes changed. Having Jonathan there would definitely help.

honestly what i adore about bug and jon is their childish innocence they still have together. the world is ending and theyve had the worst fucking three years of their lives but the second theyre together its bearable again.

i like to think of them as that feeling we all had as children, where we played superhero or tag or hide and seek, and the thrill and invincibility that followed after an exhilarating game with your best friend. your knees may be scrapped from falling, or maybe the dark closet you were hiding in began to scare you, but the moment youre back with your best friend all the fear and worries disappear because how couldnt they ? youre seven and your best friend is your favorite person in the entire world.

also you make such an interesting point about nancy and steve never JUST being friends. i never even considered that and now may have to rethink my pure hatred for that season 4 plotpoint (thats assuming the duffer bros even had that tidbit in mind). i think it adds such a nice layer to everything, so we shall see !!

#ask #anon #m speaks #ch insight

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

THATS WHAT I WANT

Written By: KBeaZy, Blake Slatkin, Omer Fedi, Ryan Tedder & Lil Nas X

Artist: Lil Nas X

Released: 2021

On “THATS WHAT I WANT,” Lil Nas sings about his desire for love, which is often a struggle to find as a gay black man. “THATS WHAT I WANT” debuted at #5 on the Rolling Stone’s Top 100 Songs Chart during the week ending September 23rd, 2021. During the week ending October 2, the song debuted at #10 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. During the week ending February 26, 2022, the song peaked at #9. On July 26, 2022, “THATS WHAT I WANT” was certified 2× platinum by the RIAA.

[Intro] One, two, three, four [Verse 1] Need a boy who can cuddle with me all night Keep me warm, love me long, be my sunlight Tell me lies, we can argue, we can fight Yeah, we did it before, but we'll do it tonight An afro, black boy with the gold teeth With dark skin, lookin' at me like he know me I wonder if he got the G or the B Let me find out and see, comin' over to me, yeah [Pre-Chorus] These days, I'm way too lonely I'm missing out, I know These days, I'm way too alone And I'm known for givin' love away, but [Chorus] I want someone to love mе I need someone who needs me 'Causе it don't feel right when it's late at night And it's just me in my dreams So I want someone to love That's what I fuckin' want [Verse 2] Look, you know it's harder to find in these times But I got nothin' but love on my mind (My mind) I need a baby with love in my prime Need an adversary to my "down and marry" Like, tell me "That's life" when I'm stressin' at night Be like, "You'll be okay" and, "Everything is alright," uh Let me in that thing, 'cause I'm not wanting anything But your loving, your body, and a little bit of your brain [Pre-Chorus] These days, I'm way too lonely I'm missing out, I know These days, I'm way too alone And I'm known for givin' love away, but [Chorus] I want someone to love me I need someone who needs me 'Cause it don't feel right when it's late at night And it's just me in my dreams So I want someone to love That's what I fuckin' want [Bridge] I want someone to love me I need someone who needs me [Chorus] 'Cause it don't feel right when it's late at night And it's just me in my dreams So I want someone to love That's what I fuckin' want

Dancing in the Dark

Written By: Bruce Springsteen

Artist: Bruce Springsteen

Released: 1984

The first single off of Springsteen’s seminal album Born In The U.S.A., this track was written two years after most of the other songs on the album. Producer Jon Landau thought the new album lacked a guaranteed hit and pushed Springsteen to draft one more song. The two men got into a brief altercation, after which Bruce wrote “Dancing in the Dark” about his ‘difficulty writing a hit single and his frustration trying to write songs that will please people’. Its music video contains an early appearance by actress Courtney Cox. It also helped introduce Springsteen to a younger audience, setting the stage for a seven-single run of top 10 hits from the album. “Dancing In The Dark” became Springsteen’s highest charting single the Boss has ever had, spending four weeks in the #2 position of the Billboard Hot 100 in the summer of 1984, held from the top spot by Duran Duran “The Reflex” and Prince “When Doves Cry”. It also spent six weeks at #1 on the Mainstream Rock chart. This single is also Springsteen’s only to be certified platinum.

[Verse 1] I get up in the evening And I ain't got nothing to say I come home in the morning I go to bed feeling the same way I ain't nothing but tired Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself Hey there, baby I could use just a little help [Chorus] You can't start a fire You can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark [Verse 2] Messages keep getting clearer Radio's on, and I'm moving 'round my place I check my look in the mirror I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face Man, I ain't getting nowhere I'm just living in a dump like this There's something happening somewhere Baby, I just know that there is [Chorus] You can't start a fire You can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark [Bridge] You sit around getting older There's a joke here somewhere, and it's on me I'll shake this world off my shoulders Come on, baby, the laugh's on me [Verse 3] Stay on the streets of this town And they'll be carving you up all right They say, "You gotta stay hungry" Hey, baby, I'm just about starving tonight I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting around here trying to write this book I need a love reaction Come on now, baby, give me just one look [Chorus] You can't start a fire Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark You can't start a fire Worrying about your little world falling apart This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark [Outro] Even if we're just dancing in the dark Even if we're just dancing in the dark Even if we're just dancing in the dark Hey, baby [Outro Saxophone Solo]

#lil nas x #thats what i want #bruce springsteen #dancing in the dark #polls #poll tournament #poll bracket #tournament #bracket #lovesongbracket #round2 #Youtube

[bisexualsforprompto]

Okay so like, I don't know if you take requests but uhhh, Jealous Adrien with Marijon?

I’d love to do this! And thank you for suggesting it! I love your work, reading it always brightens my day! :D

Jealous! Adrien Marijon Headcanons

Adrien had noticed that Marinette had been looking more down ever since she and Luka had broken up, he wasn’t really sure the details surrounding it but he did know that he thought Marinette could do better than Luka

He tried to talk to her still after classes and sometimes in between, but she was mostly dispondent

He did, however, with the help of Nino and Alya, get her to go on the class trip to Metropolis

They figured it’d be a good bonding experience, although Alya had said that she thought it was a good idea in order for Marinette to find some other guy to get over Luka

Adrien didn’t know how he felt about that

On the one hand, he wanted his good friend to be happy, but on the other hand he wanted to spend more time with her. If she found a new boyfriend he’d barely get any time with her.

So when they went to Metropolis Adrien made sure to stick next to Marinette. He sat next to her on the bus, walked with her to the hotel, even hung out with her and Alya in their room until curfew

Marinette still seemed wary of him though

The next day they were scheduled to go to the Daily Planet, Alya wouldn’t stop talking about it and Nino had to listen to her, so Adrien took the opportunity as they walked there to talk to Marinette.

“So Mari,” he smiled, “Are you excited for today?”

“Yeah.” Marinette said and then ran up to join Alya and Nino.

Adrien followed her and they stuck as a group until they got to the newspaper business.

The rest of their class were more interested in Lila’s stories rather than the tour of the Daily Planet, of course, Adrien didn’t mind, it gave him more chances to hang out with Marinette

Adrien was going to go talk to her but then Clark Kent stopped them

“Marinette, is that you?” He had asked

“Hi, Mr. Kent!” Adrien deflated a little when Marinette had immediately brightened to greet the reporter, how come she wasn’t like that with him?

“Wow you got so big.”

“Wait hold up! Marinette how do you know the Clark Kent?!” Alya squealed

“I went to camp with his son when I was littler, Jon and I hung out all summer.” Marinette laughed.

For some reason Adrien started feeling a little irritated...

“Wait, wait, wait. Jon Kent, as in Clark Kent and Lois Lane’s kid?!” Alya asked with stars in her eyes

“Y-yep thats me!” Interrupted a bashful voice. Adrien couldn’t even see who it was, Marinette went flying past him and hugged the stranger.

“Jon! I’m so glad I got to see you!” She grinned.

Adrien felt a frown come to his face, great now he’d spend no time with Marinette.

“Me too! We have to catch up!” Jon said.

When Marinette finally pulled away Adrien felt his stomach drop.

There was no doubt that Jon Kent was handsome. He was also very muscular. The only thing Adrien could see that was wrong with him was his fashion sense, flannel was out, according to the Gabriel brand

He felt himself relax, Marinette wanted to be a designer, surely she wouldn’t give somebody with such poor fashion sense the time of day

“I agree! Can you do lunch? We have a free time and maybe I can get you some new clothes while we’re at it.” Marinette teased

“Hey!” Jon said in mock offense, “You love my country chic!”

Marinette burst out laughing. Adrien felt his blood boil. “It was cute when you were a kid, you always wore oversized ones!”

“Oh so I’m not cute now?”

Adrien saw Marinette’s face transition from pale to tomato red in a spilt second

So she did think he was cute, Adrien thought while gritting his teeth

Marinette started to stutter but Jon just laughed, “Just kidding!”

Marinette let out a sigh of relief. Adrien huffed and walked over to Nino and Alya

“Who is this guy anyway?” He asked.

“Marinette’s old friend, she told me a lot about him actually.” Alya said, “this is perfect! I bet they’ll be dating in no time! Two sunshines, perfect together!”

Adrien crossed his arms, everyone always called him a sunshine, why wasn’t he with Marinette?

“Dude, Are you jealous?” Nino asked teasingly.

“No why would I be?”

This time Alya answered, “Well you kind of act like you like Marinette...After she broke up with Luka it seemed like you wanted to date her.”

Adrien’s blood ran cold

No...he didn’t like Marinette romantically...did he?

Alya and Nino were probably wrong

But...were they?

He needed to find out.

When the nightmare at the Daily Planet was finally over and Marinette had finished her lunch with Jon, Adrien decided to talk to her.

“Hey Mari!” He called. She gave him a tired look. He cocked his head to the side. “So...how was your lunch?”

“Oh the date was great! We’re going out again tomorrow!” She smiled

“Oh...don’t you think that’s a little soon? I mean you saw him today!”

“Adrien, I’ve stayed with his family for two summers in a row when I was a kid, if you worried about him, you don’t have to be! Jon is great!” She almost blushed by the end.

“Right...well what about Luka?”

“What about Luka?” Marinette asked with furrowed brows

“Well didn’t you guys used to...”

“Well yeah, but he just like yo- this other guy I used to like, were both kind of push-overs I guess. Not that Luka would let people walk all over him...push-over wasn’t the right word...both of my crushes were kind of spineless.”

“And Jon isn’t?” Adrien asked with more hostility than he meant.

“Adrien! No! He isn’t, you don’t know him like I do...you could say he’s kind of a...hero.” Marinette rubbed the back of her neck.

“I’m a hero too!”

Silence

“W-what?” Marinette said, dumbfounded, Adrien kicked himself, “First, how did you know that I used to like you and sec-“

“You used to like me?!” Adrien smiled. “Mari that’s great, will you...do you want to go on a date?”

“Adrien...I like Jon. I don’t like you that way anymore. W-what did you mean when you said you were a hero though?” Marinette asked.

“Oh uh nothing.” Adrien said, “Are you sure we can’t go out? I think we’d be really good together, like soulmates.”

Marinette stiffened. “No Adrien.” She said coolly.

“But-“

“Hey.” Jon said as he walked up to Marinette, “Listen Adrien, you seem like a nice guy. I don’t want to yell at you or anything, but Marinette gets a choice too and she said no.”

“Right...Sorry.” Adrien said before running into the hotel, tail tucked between his legs. He tried not to listen to them but he did hear,

“Sorry about that Mari. Should I have done more?”

“It’s okay Jon, it’s not your fault. And no! I-I l-like you b-because you’re a person positive, I mean positive person, but you don’t let that get in the way of standing up for what you believe in.”

Adrien huffed and ran up to his hotel room. He was glad they weren’t in Paris, he definitely would’ve been akumatized.

After all, he was in love with someone who didn’t love him back (again)

And he was utterly screwed

________

Taglist:

@northernbluetongue

@queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm

@luciferge

@legendaryneckjudgestudent

@interobanginyourmom

@beaversuenightly

@worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry

@mochinek0

@shamefullove

@emjrabbitwolf

@actual-disaster-human

@littleredrobinhoodlum

@elijahcoser

@daminett4life

@18-fandoms-unite-08

@kawaiigiantjudgefish

@myazael

@kass-is-weird

@dramatic-squirrel

@novicevoice

@abrx2002

@corabeth11

@mochegato

@the-fusionist

@lesscoolloki

@aegyobutpsycho2

@spiritofchaoticdreams

@shizukiryuu

@luleck

@moonystars14

#maribat #marijon #im not sure how i feel about this one it was fun to write but i dont think it was my best one #honestly i almost feel bad for adrien poor cat boi has been through alot in all of these parts of the miniseries #and he’ll go through even more in the next part of the damianette fic

[fuckallthegood0nesweretaken]

The Dove and Her Hound - CH. TwentyNine

Title: A New King

Words: 2,040

Warnings: Slight language

A/N: It’s almost over! Just one more chapter and the series is done, I can’t believe it! Also, if you’d like to request something, send me an ask. I’d love to write something for you! 

Taglist:  @tonbluemchen @affection-rabbit @art-flirt @10morgan10 @thatting @iwontdance-dontaskme @simsvetements

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Sandor Masterlist

Game of Thrones Masterlist

Masterlist

~~~~~~~

It had been a week since your son had been born and many things had happened. You learned that one of Daenerys’ dragons had been killed, most of the fleet destroyed, and Missandei captured. Brienne had come to visit you and the child as well. She apologized for the way she handled things when she encountered your trio years ago. She did not know the significance Sandor had in your life and never knew how to approach you about it. You accepted her apology immediately and you apologized to her as well for your naïve attitude and your hate towards her.

The same night Brienne apologized to you, Jaime Lannister fled Winterfell to go back to Cersei. You had known that Brienne and Jaime were together and when you found out he left, you went to console her.

 “He doesn’t deserve you,” you said. “If he leaves you for another woman when he had you then he’s not worth your tears.”

 You wiped away the tears running down her cheeks and looked her in the eyes.

 “You are strong. You are beautiful. You deserve better. Don’t let one man ruin things for you forever. It’s okay to still love him, but don’t let that take over everything.”

 Brienne gave you a watery smile and sat up a little straighter.

 “Thank you, Lady [y/n],” Brienne said. You stood up and kissed her forehead.

 “You should get some rest. I have a feeling that we’re going to do some traveling soon.”

 ---

 Turns out that you were right. A raven arrived from King’s Landing a week later and before you knew it, you were traveling down the Kingsroad. Brienne and Sansa hadn’t wanted you go with them because of the baby, but you went anyways. It took little less than a month to get to the Capital and it looked nothing like you remembered.

 Buildings and houses were charred and crumbling. Ash was still on the streets, swept away into corners. The Red Keep was almost all burnt down. The people of King’s Landing were trying their best to rebuild their homes and lives but it would take years to get things back to the way they were.

 The raven had told you where to go and once more, you found yourself in the Dragonpit. You were seated between Sansa and Brienne, your babe on your lap. Bran and Arya were next to Sansa. You were the first ones there. Ser Davos and Gendry were the next ones to arrive, with Yara, Robin, Yhon Royce, and the rest to follow. Another person showed up with the last group and you couldn’t breathe. It was Sandor, alive and well. The two of you locked eyes and your chest hurt. He looked like he was going to approach you when Greyworm brought out Tyrion before you in chains. Jon was nowhere to be seen.

 “Where’s Jon?” Sansa asked Greyworm.

 “He is our prisoner.”

 “So is Lord Tyrion,” you said. “They were both supposed to be here.”

 “We will decide the fate of our prisoners. This is our city now.”

 “If you look outside the walls of your city, you’ll find thousands of Northmen who will explain to you why harming Jon Snow is not in your interest.”

 “And you will find thousands of Unsullied who believe that it is.”

 “Some of you are quick to forgive. The Ironborn are not. I swore to follow Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow put a knife through her heart. Let them give him what he deserves,” Yara said, venom spewing from her words.

 “Say one more word about killing my brother and I’ll slit your throat.” Arya’s face was ruthless and cold. Yara made to stand up but Ser Davos beat her to it.

 “Friends, please. We’ve been killing each other for too long.” He turned to face Greyworm. “Torgo Nudho. Am I saying that properly? If it weren’t for you and your men, we would have lost the fight with the dead. This country owes you a debt that can never be repaid. But let us try. There is land in the Reach. Good land. The people that used to live there are gone. Make it your own, start your own house with the Unsullied as your bannermen.”

 “I agree. We’ve had enough war. Thousands of you, thousands of us. You know how it ends. There has to be another way,” you said.

 “We do not need payment. We need justice,” Greyworm spat. “Jon Snow cannot go free.”

 Ser Davos sat back down and Tyrion let out a small breath.

 “It’s not for you to decide,” Tyrion said.

 “You are not here to speak!” Greyworm shouted. “Everyone has heard enough words from you.”

 “You’re right. And no one’s any better for it. But it’s not for you to decide.” Tyrion looked up at everyone. “Jon Snow committed his crime here. It is for our King to decide. Or our Queen.”

 “But we don’t have a King or Queen,” Royce said.

 “You’re the most powerful people in Westeros. Choose one.”

 “Make your choice. Quickly.”

 Everyone was silent for once and was looking around at the other people. Nobody spoke until your uncle stood up. He started a little speech talking about him being one of the senior lords in the country and that he knew a little bit about statecraft. It was then that Sansa intervened.

 “Uncle. Please sit,” she said. He kind of spluttered a bit and only sat down when Sansa gestured to his seat with her head. He backed into a pole and it took all your willpower not to laugh.

 “Well, we have to choose someone,” Royce said. That’s when Sam got up and suggested that the people help pick a monarch. Everyone did laugh at that and Sam sat back down, more than slightly embarrassed. It was a funny notion, but you didn’t laugh at your friend.

 “I suppose you want the crown,” your uncle said to Tyrion.

 “Me? No. Half the people hate me for serving Daenerys and the other half hate me for betraying her. Can’t think of a worse choice.”

 “Who then?” You asked.

 “What unites people? Armies? Gold? Flags?” Tyrion shook his head. “Stories. There’s nothing in the world more powerful than a good story. Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it. And who has a better story than Bran the Broken?”

 You sat up a little straighter and looked at your siblings in confusion. When you looked back at Tyrion, he kept speaking.

 “The boy who fell from a high tower and lived. He knew he would never walk again, so he learned how to fly. He went beyond the wall. A crippled boy. And he became the Three-Eyed-Raven. He is our memory, our history. All the wars, weddings, births, massacres, and famines. Our triumphs and our defeats. Our past. Who better to lead us into the future?”

 “Bran has no interest in ruling and he can’t father children,” Sansa said.

 “Good. Sons of Kings can be cruel and stupid, as you well know. His will never torment us,” Tyrion said to Sansa. To Greyworm he said, “That is the wheel our Queen wanted to break.”

 “From now on rulers will not be born. They will be chosen on this spot by the Lords and Ladies of Westeros to serve the realm.” He turned to Bran. “I know you don’t want it. I know you don’t care about power. But I ask you now, if we choose you, would you wear the crown?”

 “Why do you think I came all this way?” Bran said after a moment. Tyrion looked a little shocked that Bran had actually said yes and you knew that the other people in this meeting were feeling the same way.

 “To Brandon of House Stark, I say aye,” Tyrion said. Everyone was quiet until you and Sam said ‘aye’ at the same time. Tyrion sent the both of you a grateful look. Your uncle was next followed by the men from the Vale. Yara and the new Prince of Dorne agreed as well along with Gendry and Ser Davos. Brienne agreed as well, but you saw that Sansa was trying to pick out words again.

 “You know I love you, little brother. I always will. You’ll be a good King. But tens of thousands of Northmen fell defending Westeros. And those who survived have fought too hard and too much to ever kneel again,” Sansa said. “The North will remain an independent country, as it was for thousands of years.”

 Bran nodded in consent and you could see the relief flood through Sansa’s body.

 “All hail Bran the Broken,” Tyrion said. Everyone stood up and repeated those words. When everyone sat back down, Tyrion bowed to the new King and started to make his way out of the Pit.

 “Tyrion,” Bran called. “You will be my hand.”

 “N-No, your grace. I don’t want it.”

 “I know. And I don’t want to be King.” Tyrion shook his head.

 “I don’t deserve it. I thought I was wise but it turns out I’m not. I thought that I knew what was right, but I did not. Choose Ser Davos. Choose anyone else.”

 “I choose you.”

 “You cannot,” Greyworm said angrily.

 “Yes I can. I’m King.”

 “This man is a criminal. He deserves justice.”

 “He just got it. He’s made a lot of terrible mistakes. He’s going to spend the rest of his days fixing them.”

 Greyworm was angry and he spat out, “That’s not enough!”

 ---

 After about an hour of talking, a decision was made. Jon would go back to Castle Black as a member of the Night’s Watch. You and your sisters wanted him freed completely, but you recognized that this was the only way for your brother to keep his head. You would miss seeing him every day, but you’d lived with this before so it shouldn’t be too hard. Jon was to leave that evening and you had a few hours before you had to say goodbye. Everyone was slowly trickling out of the Dragonpit when Sandor came up to you.

 “Dove,” Sandor said quietly. You froze and slowly turned around.

 “I thought I told you not to call me that.”

 “You did.”

 “Why are you here, Sandor?” Your voice sounded tired and Sandor could see it in your eyes.

 “I heard you were here and I wanted to talk to you.”

 “Talk about what? How you left me for some petty revenge? How I gave birth with you not by my side? How I have been raising our son without you?”

 “I-I have a son?” Sandor’s heart skipped a beat and your chest tightened at the sound of his voice breaking.

 “Yes.”

 “What’s his name?”

 “Eddard. Eddard Stark.”

 “Are you going by Stark too?”

 “Ever since you left me.” Sandor was silent for a moment. He stepped closer to you tentatively.

 “Would you ever take me back?” You sucked in a breath, eyes wide.

 “I know I fucked up and I know it will take a lot to fix it. If you’ll even take me back, that is. But even if you decide not to, I want you to know that I still love you. I always have. I’ll always love our babe and I will do anything for the two of you.”

 His voice was so quiet you could barely hear it, but it was also so loud that it was ringing in your ears. Your eyes filled with tears and you gestured to Sansa to take Eddard from your arms. When your arms were free, you wrapped them around Sandor tightly. It took him a few seconds to respond, but soon you were being spun around. You let out a giggle that was cut short by Sandor kissing you. It was a sweet kiss that you broke shortly after it began.

 “While I love kissing you, I think you’d like to officially meet your son, yes?”

 Sandor’s eyes lit up and Sansa brought over your son. You took him from her and gently placed him in his father’s arms. You showed Sandor how to hold him properly and the sight made you melt. Finally, your family was complete.

#sandor clegane x reader #sandor x reader #the hound x reader #game of thrones x reader #got x reader #x reader #xreader #reader insert #Sandor Clegane #Sansa Stark #Arya Stark #Brandon Stark #Greyworm #Tyrion Lannister #game of thrones #got #game of thrones fanfiction #game of thrones fanfic #got fanfiction #got fanfic #sandor clegane fanfiction #sandor clegane fanfic #The Hound #the hound fanfiction #the hound fanfic

[vieverdeen]

Thoughts on 8x03. I need to vent.

WARNING: this contains dark! Dany, crumbs of Jonsa i guess, anti sanarion, anti jonerys, anti daenerys, anti tyrion, anti d&d, basically anti everything, and lots and lots and lots of complaining. LOTS. And bitching. I hated 8x03. If you liked it, I suggest you keep scrolling. Please keep scrolling. I don't want any heat, dont want to offend anybody, I just so BADLY need to vent.

Also, i post in the Jonsa tag, because that's my main fandom and where i feel safe.

ALSO SPOILERS!

This episode was an epitome of disappointment. I can't even. All this bragging how it was going to beat BotB and Hardhome, even freakin HELMS DEEP (the audacity) and ZERO payoff. I'll try to be as brief as possible(I probably won't be).

1. Whover was the mastermid behind this battleplan should hang. What the actual fuck. What the f*ck was the deal with stationing all The Unsullied and Dothraki OUTSIDE?! I mean i get it - there's limited space at Winterfell, and those are huge armies. But later, when it all goes to hell with the Dothraki and so on, and Dadvos screams "man the walls!" there are so few people actually inside, that could man the walls! I mean, the defenders should form a freaking wall themselves, to push down as many wights as possible! And they weren't even in position, on the battlements!

2. The charge was fucking idiotic. I really don't get it - was it a rash decision of the Dothraki, inspired by Mel lighting their arakhs, that they were like "yeah, why not, let's roll", without any order? Or was it an ACTUAL plan for them to charge the AotD, without anybody knowing Mel would show up and do what she did, with regular weapons, not even Valyrian steel or dragon glass?! I mean, did they WANT to give the NK more meat for his army? THE STUPIDITY

3. What was the deal with Arya during the battle? All of the sudden she's inside the castle, terrified, walks into the library and hides from one(!) wight - seeing as in the beginning she wasn't aware there were more. The whole library scene was exhausting to watch, and not because of the suspence, but again, because of the stupidity of it. It felt out of nowhere and pointless. And damn, I remember all of the speculation when the trailer came out- why is Arya so terrified, what is she running from? Is it Rickon or whatnot? Nope. No surprises here. Just regular whights, just like the ones she was going all assasin-mode on a minute ago.

3. Jon, Daenerice and their lizards. I mean, could they have been any more useless?! Dani burns some wights in the beginning and thats it. The most frustrating part was, that they haven't even once used the goddamn dragons to fry Viserion. Not once! There was some hands-on dragon combat but that was it. At various moments I wanted the NK to win, seriously. When they flew above the clouds and Viserion disappeared, i half expected the nephew and his aunt to sing "A whole new world" together and fly away. Wouldn't have made a difference.

4. I will give them one thing, the part with Dany falling off of Drogon and him abandoning her was satisfying. Shame that Jorah ex Machina was soo predicrable (glad it wasn't Jon though). Also, I will say, that Jorahs death was the one scene I actually liked, it brought me back to season 1 and I felt for Daenerys for a moment.

5. The crypts. I mean, the way Tyrion has been made by the show to be the Most Moral Man in the Universe, with his magical, genius mind has become unbearable. I wanted to smack him, seriously. Of course YOU should be out there Tyrion, YOU might notice something others won't. Sansa put him in his place, but I would prefer it if she remaind cold towards him, like in the first episode, just beacuse the amount of sanarion being pushed down our throats was making me gag. Saying they would never have worked because of Dani? Sansa love, you dont have to be polite. It would never have worked because Sansa did not love him, wasn't attracted to him, was forced to marry him as a child, because he's a father-killing, whore-mongering alcoholic. I was SO scared they would actually kiss in that scene when they were hiding. I was about to puke. Seriously, Sophie has an amazing chemistry with nearly everyone and clearly it was visible in this scene, but for the love of God I could not bear it.

6. Missandei and her "if it werent for the Dragon Queen we'd all be dead". I need someone to step up ASAP and make it clear that if it werent for Dani and her dumbass advisors the NK WOULDNT HAVE A F*CKING DRAGON!!! And the Wall still would be standing! Why don't these things matter? Like at all?? Why?! D&D just dont give a fuck.

7. Bran. The Three-Eyed Raven. All those seasons, the impossible journey, the sacrifice of Hodor, Jojen, Meera, Summer, all the 8-year build up for the AotD to end like... this. No resolution, no answers, no explanation. And Bran does nothing. It was so underwhelming. Every single fanfic I've read was better than this. He just warged into some ravens and went for a flight. Coolcoolcool.

8. The final scene, with the music and everything was, much like the rest of the episode, exhausting. The pacing was all over the place, either too slow or too fast. It sure was nice of the NK to give Theon and Bran some extra time so they could look at each other meaningfully, with Bran taking his sweet time to assure Theon that his character arc has been completed and he's most welcome to die for him now. The NK was actually a big softie on the inside, truly. Applies also for the never-ending look he exchanged with Bran before actually trying to kill him.

Till the last moment I was hoping that Bran would pull something out. That he couldn't have been THIS useless. Anything, I would have even taken time travel, anything. But GoT has stopped shocking and surprising a looong time ago, and we got Arya instead. I guess she's so awesome now, kinda like a supernatural being, that the only sign of her coming is a light breeze moving one's hair. I don't quite get when did she actually learn to fly/jump so high, maybe at some point in Braavos, between washing dead bodies and fighting with sticks? (okay, here's a rabbit hole to avoid - Aryas plot since sason 6, when suddenly she becomes a worrior able to best Brienne in combat). I would really like Arya killing the NK, if it was done and executed better, with a decent build-up and all of that. Not like this. It was so fucking easy it hurt.

9. Jon was useless. Useless I tell you. Dani being useless was sorta satisfying, as I'm anti dany, but Jon has been obsessed with the AotD and the NK for too many seasons now. I guess I should be thankful that at no point the line "i thought i lost you" has been uttered.

10. When the episode ended, me and my sister were like, "damn, dani has actually lost all her armies. game over for her." I mean she lost all of the Dothraki, almost all of the Unsullied? But God, did we underestimate Dumb&Dumber's dumbness! OF COURSE in the promo Dani still has an army and is ready to go to war with Cersei. OF COURSE. Fuck logic, fuck the facts, fuck the plot. Things havent been making any sense for a while now, so why bother at the end?

11. One more thing about Ghost - i love this boy with all my heart, and that's why it pisses me off so much that after SEASONS of neglecting him and favouring the lizards, the writers bring him back for some meaningless cameos, without Jon interacting with him ONCE. The discrespect! Seriously, at this point Ghost should just switch owners. Jon better stay with his pet reptalian.

Sidenote: I won't even go into no Jonsa goodbye scene. No goodbye-scene for Jon with any of the Starks. Coolcoolcool.

There is more, I'm sure, but I cant remember and I'm too tired. I dont even know what I expected. Maybe because the 2 first episodes were decent I was hoping for something remotely good. But D&D reminded me that no one can dissapoint like they can.

#jonsa #anti jonerys #anti daenerys #got spoilers #spoilers #anti sanarion #anti tyrion lannister

[kylorenpunk]

Do them all. Suffer as I did 😂

Bitch I told you this was our friendship. We force each other to answer all the questions. 

1. selfie

Well… I wasn’t dubbed Selfie Queen for nothing… 

This one is interesting bc I have zero makeup on. The most recent ones are too blurry. A lot of my fav selfies are full faces of makeup tho. 

2. what would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a decision for both parents but I really like the names Felicity, Isabella and Dimitri. Yes, all of them are names from various franchises I enjoyed throughout the years. Be glad I’m out of my phase where I thought Vladimir was a good name. 

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss all my friends I don’t get to see frequently. Love all of y’all and hope y’all are doing well in life! 

4. what are you looking forward to?

Fucking graduating. Jesus Christ it’s taken me five damn years. 

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

From my club it’s Chris, Yara and Josephine. Also my entire friend group from back home. Honestly I love my friends so much. 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

I feel like every situation is different so that’s a tough question to answer. 

7. what was your life like last year?

I honestly don’t remember much from December of last year. It was a good time though. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I’m an emotional bitch. I’ll cry over anything. I cried over fucking Mulan the other day. 

9. who did you last see in person?

My parents and brother. Earlier in the day my club. 

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I’m shit at it. My face gives away everything. The other day my professor was going into her inspiration porn narrative and I just gave her a cold dead look the entire time. 

11. are you listening to music right now?

No but I have the Hamilton soundtrack stuck in my head right now since that’s what I was last listening to. If you haven’t heard it I highly suggest it. Man I wanna see it so badly. 

12. what is something you want right now?

Sleep but I’m trying not to throw off my sleep schedule right now and am waiting a bit before going to bed. I only got three hours of sleep last night so that’s fun. 

13. how do you feel right now?

Kinda tired. Relieved that I got two service projects in a row done today. It’s been a long weekend. 

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

My friend Sebastian hugged me when I dropped him off. I guess that counts. 

15. personality description

I’m a makeup loving nerd who enjoys sitting in pajamas watching anime and superheros as much as she enjoys swatching EVERY lipstick in Sephora. According to my friends I can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning how old I feel and my love for Dungeons and Dragons. I’m also an asshole. (Wow this sounds like a 12 year old writing this)

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yeah tons of times. It’s bitten me in the ass. Oh well live and learn I guess? 

17. opinion on insecurities.

Everyone has them? If they say they don’t then they are lying. Mine is mainly related to my appearance or how I speak. 

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

I miss how things were in the beginning of this year. It started off strong then kinda turned into a shit show. 

19. have you ever been to New York?

No but it’s my top thing on my bucket list. My friends and I are highly considering a trip. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Of all time: Get Low by Lil Jon 

Currently: “Told You So” by Little Mix (If you haven’t heard their new album I highly suggest it if you love girl groups that preach women empowerment) 

21. age and birthday?

22 - June 21st (She’s a Cancer)

22. description of crush.

I don’t have a hardcore crush right now. More like 5 second crushes that are over the second they do something I don’t like. 

Edit: Currently “celebrity?” crush is Nathan Sharp. I am seriously considering dropping $55 to see him at a convention this month. 

23. fear(s)

Heights, something terrible happening to my loved ones, wild snakes, and the usual common anxiety fears 

24. height

Five foot three inches. I’m short. Yes I know it’s not that short but tall people like to put me in the short category anyway. 

25. role model

My mom’s coworker who was my internship supervisor. She has a doctorate’s in what I want to do and is amazing at what she does. The amount of knowledge and experience that women has is incredible. She is also extremely funny and knows how to teach with a sense of humor which I appreciate. 

26. idol(s)

Celebrity idols? I don’t really idolize celebrities bc humans are humans and have flaws. 

27. things i hate

Immaturity, intolerance of differences, demeaning slurs, The Last Jedi, and the new Fantastic Beasts movie 

28. i’ll love you if…

Play with my hair, are kind to my friends and family, share common interests, show an interest in what I have to say, basically respect me and those close to me and we’re good 

29. favourite film(s)

Hairspray, High School Musical, The Greatest Showman, Stardust, The Harry Potter series, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy

30. favourite tv show(s)

Jane the Virgin, Naruto (fuck off I hate myself too ok), the first three seasons of Arrow before it turned to shit

31. 3 random facts

I’m not artistically talented but I genuinely enjoy makeup and creating looks

I have a nonverbal brother with autism and he’s my favorite person ever

I completely programmed my brother’s communication device by myself 

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Now my friends are mainly girls but when I lived in Tampa 90% of my friends over there were guys (Hi Mason). I’m going to say that’s bc of us all playing video games in the Delta lounge (RIP Dirty D). But yeah now it’s mainly girls and 80% of my dude friends are gay. 

33. something you want to learn

Sign Language. Ice skating. Hairstyling. Fashion (I’m trying to be better about putting clothes together). Also I’m down to learn more about makeup and techniques 

34. most embarrassing moment

Either farting while doing an air guitar in front of my entire girl scout troop

or signing to my friend that I liked her friend at a party and his brother repeated what I had signed out loud in front of everyone

wait. No. When I F U C K E D  up in front a super hot guy while volunteering and then chose an 18 year old jock as my wingman. 18 year olds are dumbasses. Don’t use them as wingmen. Fuck you Khaled. 

35. favourite subject

In grade school I think it was English or History. It really all depended on the year. 

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

VISIT NEW YORK 

Hike the Smokey Mountains 

Visit Europe 

37. favourite actor/actress

Chris Evans (especially when he is trying to fight orange president on twitter) 

Also Mark Hamill is perfect 

38. favourite comedian(s)

I don’t watch comedians often. I guess the Fluffy guy? 

39. favourite sport(s)

The only time I give a shit about sports is when my university is undefeated or playing my first university in football. Or the soccer world cup if it’s on. However I appreciate the skill it takes to do a sport. 

40. favourite memory

San Antonio. It was my first time traveling without family and it was the greatest time. It was such a cool city 

41. relationship status 

Single - I take my sweet ass time 

42. favourite book(s)

Eragon (No, I haven’t finished the entire series. No, I don’t want spoilers bc I will do it eventually.) 

43. favourite song ever

“Get Low” by Lil Jon 

“Look Through My Eyes” by Phil Collins 

44. age you get mistaken for

Last year I got mistaken twice in a row within an hour for a middle schooler. I was 21 at at that time. During my internship one of the parents asked me if I had any kids. I’m either mistaken as a parent or as a 13-15 year old. There is no in between.  

45. how you found out about your idol

N/A since I don’t have an idol

46. what my last text message says

“lmao it’s alright” to Joey but the previous one is more funny “thankfully no one threw up this time” in regards to my friend’s party last night

47. turn ons

Well I aint about to talk about my sex life so let’s go with personality 

Common interests such as superheros or anime, charismatic, easy to get along with, common goals in life, cares about their loved ones, has passion, and someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with 

48. turn offs

rudeness, immaturity, inattentiveness, bad tempers, superiority complex, not being genuine, judging others, treating people like objects, and general lack of care for others or themselves

49. where i want to be right now

Back in the smokey mountains in a cabin watching movies and anime

50. favourite picture of your idol

N/A 

51. starsign

She’s an emotional Cancer

52. something i’m talented at

Apparently I’m good with kids      Makeup too I guess? 

53. 5 things that make me happy

friends, family, nerdy shit, makeup and Kakashi

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

Some shit happened last night that has me worried for some friends but I’m sure they’ll figure it out 

55. tumblr friends

A shit ton of y’all I know IRL. I won’t tag y’all bc that’s annoying af 

Joey’s my only internet friend @earthschampion (answer my text bitch) 

56. favourite food(s)

pasta, empanadas, crab rangoons, taziki sauce 

57. favourite animal(s)

Meerkats and koala bears

58. description of my best friend

K @burnitstronger: realest damn friend you will ever have. Will tell you how it is and provide never ending love and support. Never understands my dumbass shenanigans but loves me anyway. Love you boo 

J : Will also tell you how it is and forces you to watch Naruto and ruin your damn life. Will happily go with you to eat junk food after class. Will fight anyone who wrongs you and is def still plotting revenge on all my ex’s. Stans Loona

M: Will scream at you in Leo in a frightening but loving way. Has the best damn fashion sense I have ever seen. Is the friend that comes by when I need her to and brings a shit ton of snacks and love (J does this as well).

59. why i joined tumblr

I was bored on fourth of July in 2012 and my friends kept telling me that this website would be fun. Also the avengers “fandom” from back then 

60. ask me anything you want

I would say I’m sorry Mason but I enjoy making all my friends suffer. Make sure to give him a follow bc he’s cool. @masonjar828

#ask #me #yikes this took a long ass time

[busines303-blog]

How did Mission: Impossible become Hollywood's most reliable franchise?

New Post has been published on https://howtobuyfranchises.com/must-see/how-did-mission-impossible-become-hollywoods-most-reliable-franchise/

How did Mission: Impossible become Hollywood's most reliable franchise?

Critical adoration and box office success has met the sixth installment of Tom Cruises series, an unlikely 22-year phenomenon that shows no signs of tiring

Lets take a moment to appreciate the preposterousness of Mission: Impossible. Not the rubber masks or the exploding gum sticks or the nuclear countdown clocks that always stop with one second till death. (The usual, Ving Rhames Luther Stickell would shrug.) All franchises have their implausibilities, whether its Transformers sentient cars or the Fast and Furious sentient Vin Diesels. But only the Mission: Impossible franchise has gotten better reviews with every installment, climbing its way up the Rotten Tomatoes rankings as though wearing electromagnetic gloves. Bruce Willis cant make a good Die Hard happen. But this weekend, Mission: Impossible Fallout had the best critical approval of Tom Cruises entire career, better even than the three films that scored him Oscar nominations, and his second-highest box office opening ever, just under 2005s War of the Worlds. Fallout probably would have beaten that, too, if MoviePass hadnt glitched.

Kudos to Cruise for making the most of a career he never meant to have. Mission: Impossible is also an outlier on his resume. Before he became Ethan Hunt, Cruise refused to shoot a gun or a sequel. In the 80s, he turned down Top Gun 2 to make The Color of Money and Rain Man. There was no room for a sequel, he shrugged. For the first decade of his movie stardom, he chased Oscars, not villains, and if his characters wrestled anything, it was their own guilt and privilege. As an actor, that was all Cruise needed. But when he formed Cruise/Wagner Productions in the 90s and decided to produce his own movies, he needed a hit.

Id been looking for an action movie, said Cruise. Back then, that meant mimicking Stallone, Schwarzenegger or Seagal. Macho meathead stuff wasnt him. Instead, he had a brainstorm. Cruise remembered Mission: Impossible, one of his favorite childhood TV shows, where the heroes used their brains, not bullets. When he first pitched the idea to Paramount in 1992, the studio did a double-take. People looked at me a little cross-eyed because it was a TV series and at that time people werent really doing that, said Cruise. They would for good and bad thanks to him.

Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible. Photograph: Allstar/PARAMOUNT PICTURES/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar

Cruise took more risks. He hired Brian De Palma to direct, a wicked genius whod never made a blockbuster hit, and instead of rebooting the series with himself as original star Jim Phelps, he turned Phelps into the villain. One of the television show cast members was so offended by an evil Phelps that he stormed out of the theater. Audiences, however, were hooked on Ethan Hunt, who dangled, slid into disguises, nearly got his neck sliced by a helicopter blade. And as a producer, Cruise didnt just wrap Mission: Impossible on-time and on-budget he finished it under-time and under-budget.

Mission: Impossible had a stunt man, though you rarely saw him on-screen. Cruise had his guy run through the routines to map out the dangers. Hed give me a scale of how painful it was going to be, said Cruise. Then Id jump in and get the final pounding. They kept things low-fi, shunning excess CG. When Cruise kept losing his balance on a jump, he simply shifted the weight in his shoes by slipping pound coins underneath his socks.

Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol. Photograph: AP

Today, the stunts are as big of a selling point as Tom Cruise. Teenagers have never been alive to see Cruise lose an Academy Award they know him as that dude clinging to the outside of a plane. At first, film fans enjoyed watching Cruise execute challenges perfectly. By the fourth film, we liked to see him get banged up. Cruise not only broke his ankle leaping across a building in Mission: Impossible Fallout he kept that take in the film.

In 2011s Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol, nothing works, not even that infamous electromagnetic glove. Groaned Ethan: The only thing that functioned properly on that mission was this team. True. Cruise had buffeted Hunt with interesting directors De Palma, John Woo, JJ Abrams, Brad Bird and a band of actors able to share his heavy lifting: Simon Pegg did the jokes, Ving Rhames brought the legacy, and Cruise momentarily seemed ready to hand off the franchise to Jeremy Renner. After all, he was creeping close to the other side of the insult in the first Mission: Impossible when a younger Ethan joked that Jon Voights Jim Phelps was getting soft in his old age.

If theres a seventh Mission: Impossible, Cruise will be older than Voight. Hes not getting soft. And hes definitely not quitting the series thats let him prove hes still the closest thing to a movie star weve got in 2018. Theres a sense each Mission: Impossible film is a Hail Mary making up for the public mistakes that threatened to derail his career in his very bad PR summer of 2005. But that was 13 years ago, and anyway, that derailment never happened. War of the Worlds, his No 1 box office smash, hit theaters two months after that supposedly disastrous Oprah appearance. All thats been derailed is Cruises 80s dreams of being respected as a serious actor, not a stunt man. But as long as a new, and predictably terrific Mission: Impossible keeps arriving in theaters to big money and beaming reviews, Cruise will keep limping happily to the medicine cabinet for more bandages.

Amy Nicholson is also the author of Tom Cruise: Anatomy of an Actor

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey journal,

i really need to get better at writing these again, haha. especially bc ive been spiraling a lot lately. after i type this, im going to post a reflection that ive been meaning to finish last sunday. 

so, hey. im not doing so great. and i cant tell if it’s me overreacting or me not being in control of my own mind or something else entirely but im not in a mentally stable place. i thought i was doing better. i thought i had grown more confident and felt more in control of everything. i thought my family had gotten closer on a deeper level. but i was wrong. im not okay. im really not. and i can try and deny it all i want but im not doing so great. im usually that friend that people go to for advice, especially when concerning others but i cant even manage my own friends and family. a part of me knows that ive cried a lot this past year and honestly, i feel really ashamed of it. i have a bad habit of bottling everything up and then just letting the waterworks flow one after the other during the next session. but im here now and i want to harden myself up again so people dont see how weak i am again. and i know deep in my heart that thats actually not what i want. bc i dont want to be an apathetic robot again thats just all about do do do and nothing else. i feel like a machine whenever i shut people out and i get the job done but at what cost? if i could have it my way, i would be surrounded by a community that unconditionally loves me and i dont have to think or try to do or pretend to be someone or something else. i can just be me and be accepted in their arms. but thats not the case. i do want to open myself up and i do want it to be a place where everyone feels free to share. but honestly, im scared. im scared bc im afraid that people dont actually care about me. and they never did. whenever i do share, it’s just awkward, and heavy, and silent, and no one knows how to respond or wants to pray for me. And it sucks. Honestly, I’m really sad that Shar wont be returning to Columbia next year because she was with me during my hardest and most trying times. And yeah, we got busy. But i didn’t blame her at all. She had her own things to deal with and I respect that. It’s just gonna be a lot harder without her. I’m honestly so afraid to go back home. I am so scared out of my wits that I’m gonna go home and it’ll be like nothing ever changed.  It’ll be like high school all over again. Where I’m just so miserable and nothing I ever do will ever be enough for anyone. I have worked so hard and for so long to get to where I’m at now and there are still so many problems. What’s wrong with me. I don’t trust Jason, and PJ, and Angela, and Grace, and Christine, and Rachel, and everyone else enough to share all of this. All I know is that I’ve been burned and hurt so badly in the past and it’s scarred me for life. I’m so afraid that I won’t actually ever find someone to fall in love with. But I still have so much baggage that I need to solve before I can even begin looking or hope to find anyone. I just want to drown everything out in media so that I don’t and can’t actually think for myself anymore but I also know that I won’t get anything done or solved that way. This is something that I need to take the time to pray and meditate on. 

And honestly, it’s kind of lonely and exhausting at my internship right now. I’m the only graphic designer and everyone keeps expecting me to do so much and I’m really into it. If there was a graphic design team and we all had all these tasks to do, I don’t think I would mind. If it was at least one other person that I could talk and communicate with, that’d be nice. Preferably another intern but even the only graphic design employee would be great too. But it does feel pretty overwhelming to be expected to take on so many tasks and to do so many things for all these different clients when im only getting a stipend. and i know they tell me i shouldnt feel pressured to stay after 5 but i do so that i can get these things done. i was highkey kinda salty the other day when jon said that im not doing things like mockups for clients yet but will once july hits but i already am? sigh. idk. i think im just feeling kinda overwhelmed bc it’s so many different projects to work on with so many different clients at once. is this how it always is? i knew i would have to work with clients but not to this level. they told me that didnt want to just throw me in with the sharks from the beginning but it feels like they did. and yeah, im still swimming but im getting tired. i definitely think i should bring this up to them. but at the same time, i am afraid of bringing it up bc i dont want them to just revoke so much at once. like i can still be productive. i dont want just one project to do a day. like trust me to do more. but not this much. i guess if it was just projects coming from jeremy and jon or if i knew the process or where it was going, i would feel a little better. i just think it’s been a lot of big projects that ive been working on for the company? if it was just a bunch of client work, i dont think i would mind as much. but bc the speed of all these new projects is so fast and i already have to worry about designing numerous spreads/pages on top of that? it’s a lot to take in. but bc im pretty much done with the internal stuff, or as far as i am concerned, i do think it should calm down from here.

i think i thought approaching and confronting specific incidents in my life would solve my mental trauma but it’s not just that. it’s been years of yelling and verbal abuse that have shaped me to believe the things that i believe today. and i do really thank andrew for bringing up that i think the way that i do bc i was conditioned to think that way and i am afraid to reread what i originally messaged him about. but i think he is right and it’s gotten me to start really thinking about how much my family has impacted my life in more ways than one. i get overwhelmed easily. my senses cant handle a lot coming into it. that’s just not how my brain functions or works. i thought i was over my asperger’s but i dont think that i am yet. but i still remember my mom yelling in my face, “what’s wrong with you? how can anyone be that stupid?” i always thought it was just my dad that was always strict with me and my sister but it’s always been my mom too. shes the one that spanked me. shes the one that said the most verbal abuse against us. i think my dad just doesnt understand how we work and is actually the more caring and understanding parent. but he has strict rules that he abides by and is really logical so that “loving” family figure has always been absent. My mom has tried to be the peacemaker in the past but doesnt change the fact that shes been just as hard on us as my dad has been. 

#reflection

[alxxkim]

December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together.  It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again.  I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise.  I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am.  I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay.  The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him.  I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it.  I wish I realized how unhappy John was.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done.  And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better.  Maybe I need to take the next semester off.  Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am.  But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed.  He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA  And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to  smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that. 

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see.  I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to.  Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba 

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think.  fucking kill me. i just want to have free time