Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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Excuse me sir, that's my Emotional Support vicious lurca hound
....soooo Batcher is fully Crosshair's puppy now, yes???
-spending the morning at the beach with him instead of Omega
-sitting next to him at the table
-staying near him while everyone was yelling
-squaring off against the wyrm ("YEAH YOU BETTER RUN!!"), then going right to Crosshair to check in, then STAYING THERE while Crosshair has his moment with Hunter
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something so crazy-making about unhealthy mentor-protegé relationships. we're foils, we're mirrors, we're the same person, we're a parent and a child, we're lovers, we're enemies, we'd be better off without each other, we'd kill and die for each other
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do you have an in-depth background for Dorian? I loved the comic with his family members, and it made me wonder about his entire life story!! what is his relationship with his siblings!!! why did he start adventuring!!! dorian is not my bg3 character but I love him as a son
he comes from a huge family of wood elf rangers and he was. a handful
also the whole adventuring thing was a complete accident
he was just walking home and got zapped by the nautiloid
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Apparently much-needed reminder that reposting artists' art (by saving the images or screenshotting them and reuploading them yourself) on other platforms without the artists' expressed permission and without credit is theft and an insult to their passion and craft. You are profiting (in views, in attention, in feedback) from someone else's work and ideas, who do not get that feedback for sharing their creation.
If you are an art reposter, you are a thief and I have no respect for you.
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Conversations between best friends has often led to some reckless/stupid/not thought out at all decisions.
Like one conversation the amity park trio had where Danny said that he couldn't see Tucker as a doctor (the medical kind) to which Tucker responded with "Alright, bet." and enrolled in medical school.
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Bruce Wayne and Tucker Foley somehow by coincidence *cough* clockwork* became friends.
And stayed friends even after Bruce dropped out and Tucker went on to finish med school.
It was a strange friendship that was mainly just Bruce calling Tucker from the weirdest locations and asking things "Out of curiosity, if an immortal nutjob wanted you to marry his daughter and become his heir what would you do? uh-huh, uh-huh, really? ok, thanks." and meeting up for coffee every now and then.
It was during one of these coffee meet-ups that Bruce confessed that he wanted to adopt a recently orphaned child by the name of Richard.
There was currently push back from people who didn't think 'Brucie Wayne' would be a good parent and from others who didn't want a random kid having a chance to inherit the Wayne fortune, the media was also having a field day.
Everyone kept asking him to "reconsider" and doing everything they can to stall/stop the adoption process.
Tucker, being the good friend he was, said "Don't worry, I got this" Stood up from the cafe table, walked to the nearest library and politely asked to use one of their computers, spent a good ten minutes on it, printed something out on the library's printer, walked back to the cafe where he left Bruce waiting.
And finally, he handed over the paper with the words "Take this." and continued drinking his now cold coffee.
Bruce was, understandably, confused. "What is-" "Trust me, it'll work." Tucker assured him.
That is how Bruce Wayne adopted one Richard 'Dick' Grayson.
And after that, Bruce went to Tucker whenever he came across a kid that he wanted to adopt, which was often.
It's one reason why Tucker will do everything in his power to make sure Danny and Bruce never meet for fear that the Gothamite might try to add the Halfa to the growing army of children.
Aka
Tucker Foley is The Guy
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