Tumgik
#actually nvm I just thought of a funny way to describe the feeling:
zytes · 8 months
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something’s wrong?
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sorryimanon · 3 years
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Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!Reader, Izuku Midoriya x NB!Reader
Warnings: some angst, FLUFF, and our boys being the best boys.
In which they comfort you after a rough day or week
A/N: im sorry if Izukus section is shorter than Bakugou’s. trying to practice writing other characters. enjoy!
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Saturday's are reserved strictly by the majority of the girls from class 1-A, leaving the guys to hibernate inside their dorms as they allow the commencement of girls night. You've never rain checked nor rejected the idea of spending  quality time with your friends, considering all the tribe's and trepidation's everyone has endured together during their time at the academy. It's nice to just strip away the stress and dip your toes in pure relaxation.
Unfortunately, you woke up with a bad case of cloudy thoughts. For the past week you've been carrying the weight of dread, causing your mood to drastically change throughout the day. You'd be having a civil conversation with someone one minute and then the next minute you're completely irritated by their presence. You've tried to balance it out and fix it overnight with the regimes you researched on the internet. A new sleeping schedule, healthier diet, yoga, and even went to the extreme of writing in a journal. It was all so cut throat and prestigious, nothing close to your liking. Katsuki made fun of you for it one day when he snuck into your room and read the many inscriptions in your journal entries.
"This stuff reminds of Deku. Always shoving his nose in that stupid notebook of his," he didn't care much to hear your refutes about Izuku. "Anyways, what's with all this depressing shit you are writing? You don't really feel this way do you?"
You didn't give him a definite answer that day. Only a curt "no" and he resumed rambling about his day like nothing happened, having you listening with his voice like white noise going in one ear and out the other.
And that's how it went on throughout the duration of the prior week before Saturday.
Inside the confinement of your dorm, you made the rational decision to sleep in instead of attending classes. The chilling thoughts kept you up all night, never once allowing sleep to take full throttle. You tossed and turned around on your bed, unable to shut off your brain. So when you woke up in the peak of late afternoon, you weren't surprised to see the unread messages on your phone. All of them were from your explosive boyfriend.
King Explosion🤍: Oi you running late? Mr.Sleepy head is taking roll call
King Explosion🤍: y/n where tf r u?
King Explosion🤍: fine don't answer me ig
King Explosion🤍: are you at least coming down for lunch? i made curry last night and imma make you finish it
King Explosion🤍: fking hurry before dunce face eats it
King Explosion🤍: nvm he ate it 😐
Katsuki never intended for the message to be funny. He's probably blowing actual steams of smoke through his nostrils and ears while chasing kamanari amongst the halls. The comical imagery made you laugh harder. At least he made you crack a smile. You haven't shown any emotions let alone a hint of enthusiasm for tonight.
Maybe it'd be best to sit this one out.
"Hey, we're missing a person! Where's my y/n?" Mina asked after scanning the group of girls huddled around on the carpeted floor.
Momo shifted uncomfortably on the cushioned pillow she stole from the couch. "Y/N said she wasn't feeling too well to join us for tonight. Something about food poisoning and throwing up every hour."
In unison all the girls gasped, along with a concerned 'ribbit' from Tsuyu.
"Well I hope she gets to feeling better. I wouldn't want her to endure such sickness for much longer," Tsuyu croaked out.
Everyone in the circle agreed and promised to pay a visit later in the night to check on you.
On the fourth floor, Katsuki stared blankly at his phone, hands shaking due to the repressed anger he's been holding. Each of the messages he sent previously were all left on read, including the one he sent an hour ago asking if he could have a cuddle session with you before girls night. Yes, even an ill tempered guy such as him enjoys sappy shit like cuddling. After pacing back and forth in his room for a solid 5 minutes, he was now dead set on confronting you in front of your friends.
Katsuki made a beeline for the elevator and aggressively pressed the 1st floor button repeatedly in hopes it'll make the process go quicker. He reached the commons area in precision time, overhearing the girls giggle after someone suggested playing truth or dare. He towered over Uraraka's figure, casting a demonic shadow version of himself in the circle. Hagakure shrieked and clung onto Jirou.
"Where's y/n you extras?" He demanded, voice deafening the brunette under him.
"She didn't come tonight. She's in her dorm room sick," Jirou explained to him as she tried pry the invisible girl off her arm.
"Like hell she's sick!" Katsuki spun around quickly and retreated back to the elevator, mumbling obscenities under his breath. "She's going to pay for being so careless and irresponsible."
The commons room fell silent once the explosive blonde disappeared behind the doors of the elevator, all eyes searching each other in complete shock. Uraraka was the first to speak out of the small group.
“Should we warn y/n that Bakugou is coming for her?”
Jirou averted her gaze to the direction bakugou left off from, a ghost of a smirk spreading on her face.
“Nah. Knowing y/n, she can handle the asshole on her own.”
King Explosion🤍: can i come over? i wanna cuddle, i miss u
The text message kept flashing behind your eyes every-time you closed them - a sad image of Katsuki waiting impatiently for you to reply back with a heart or one of those unusual memes he unapologetically adores. You knew he’d be furious, no doubt about it, but you rationalized your decision and concluded it would be best to avoid your boyfriend like the plague till this undesired feeling dissipates. Katsuki doesn’t do well with people being emotional, let alone handle his own emotions for god’s sake.
Your own thoughts were interrupted by someone raping the outside of your door. The continuous knocks made your head spin, a painful sting ghosting back and forth between your eyes. Remembering back to an hour ago, you messaged one of the girls that you weren’t going to make it to tonight’s session. Surely they respected your wishes and continued on with their hangout? But you forgot about the one person who’s persistent and stubborn like a cat.
“I know you’re in there y/n! You may have fooled your idiotic friends with a lie, but you keep on forgetting you’re terrible at lying!” Katsuki hollers against the wood of the door, not once being considerate of those living above her.
He’s right. You’re absolutely horrible at making up excuses for yourself. Dating someone as intuitive as him will be the death of you.
“If there’s something going can you at least let me in? You can’t ignore me forever y/n.”
Again, he’s right.
You slipped out from the comfort of your bed and padded towards the door, mentally preparing for the blonde to scold you once he enters your room. What you weren’t prepared for was the tears swelling up in the ducts of his vermillion eyes - his hands clenched tightly into fists as he looked down at you. Your breathing hitched when his arm outstretched to rest on the door frame to keep his trembling body steady.
“What the hell y/n? Why the fuck have you been ignoring me?! Did I do something wrong?!” He asked, not caring about his current appearance.
You grab ahold of his other arm and absentmindedly started rubbing it affectionately, trying to coax him into calming down. “Katsuki no! You didn’t do anything wrong! Why would you think that?”
“Because dumbass, you’ve been distant this past week,” he paused, choking on his words. “Are...are you breaking up with me?”
Your eyes shot up instantly at his horrifying assumption. “Katsuki, if I tell you the truth, will you promise not to make things worse for me?”
He tilted his head in confusion, but nodded once you led him into your messy bedroom. Once inside, your boyfriend plopped down on your bed, watching intently as you anxiously bit down on your nails - a nervous habit you picked up at the beginning of the school year.
“I’ve been feeling weird lately. Ever since the beginning of last week. I don’t know how to describe it but, my brain is constantly feeding into my already negative state. Telling me things I know aren’t true but I’ve convinced myself they are. Almost as if a grey cloud is hovering above me,” tears were already starting to pour down your cheeks. “I just...I just feel so miserable and lonely and useless and irritated and- I’m so sorry for ignoring you. You probably want nothing to do with me after this!”
You manage to turn away from the sight of the blonde during your speech, ashamed of pouring out your emotions onto a person who disregards other peoples emotions and constitutes them as a quote on quote “pussy”.
From behind, you can hear faint shuffling nearing your already shaken up figure. A pair of muscular arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a wall that could only be described as his own chiseled chest, doing the same as you did moments ago with his arm - lulling you to calm down a notch before he stared speaking.
“If you been feeling this way, why lie when I asked you a few days ago after reading your journal?”
“I know how you are, Katsuki. You get very uncomfortable when people talk about their feelings. So, why should I be any different?”
Your boyfriend suddenly maneuvers you around in the circle of his arms, shifting to where you’re now making direct eye contact with him. His gaze intense and unwavering.
“Because you’re my girlfriend? I don’t give a rats ass about any of these extras. When it comes to you, I’d make an exception for. I made that promise to myself when we first started seeing each other. So don’t think for a second that I’ll disregard your true feelings, dumbass.” He stepped a couple of inches backwards, ankles eventually hitting the bottom of your bed - making him fall and dragging you along with him. You landed on top of him, head still buried in the depths of his hard chest. The vibrations of his chuckle shook your whole body. Katsuki gently titled your head to be leveled with his, a red tint of blush painting his pallid cheeks.
“I’m being serious though. Don’t be afraid to come to me when things get tough, okay? I love you too much to see you like this.”
Next thing you knew your boyfriend stole your breath away by meshing his plump lips onto yours, hands snaking their way into your hair and carefully massaging it. By all means, you let him have his way with you by kissing the sadness away, tears puddling together cheek on cheek.
He let go eventually, pecking a quick chaste kiss on the side of your mouth before hauling you further into the bed. You settled on letting him spoon you, knowing how much he likes the feeling of your backside pressed against him, and the fruity aroma of your hair infiltrating his senses.
“I promise Katsuki,” you said after some time during the cuddle session.
He shifted in his spot, head placed firmly in the crook of your neck. “Promise what?”
“That I’ll come to you when these thoughts return again. I should trust you by now, and I need to not let these emotions ruin everything in my life. I love you that much.
Your confession swelled the very last evidence of Katsuki being a human being, his heart.
He smiled weakly to himself and nuzzled more into your shoulder, brushing his warm lips against the tender skin. “You better, dumbass.”
-
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Today was just so exhausting, and the big fat 'D-‘ written in red ink on your final report was the icing on the cake. To make things even worse, Aizawa reminded the whole class before the exam that this was to determine wether or not if you'll be joining the training camp that'll commence the following winter break.
Hopefully this was one of your teacher's terrible deception tactics into making everyone do their absolute best, go plus ultra even. But to your dismay, he was indeed very serious of the matter this time.
It wasn't your fault, not entirely. You stayed up all night listening to another one of your boyfriends rambles, the conversation lasting till 2 am. Izuku grew worrisome and anxious ever since his encounter with a gruesome villain, thus resulting in him to pour his emotions out onto you. Poor baby kept mentioning the safety of All Might and you.
Solemnly, you left class and trailed back to your dorm room, wanting to ignore the jovial atmosphere inside the cramped room as everyone traded and talked about their scores.
Izuku noticed you leaving abruptly and got up from his desk to follow you behind, bidding a quick goodbye to his friends.
Your room was dark and dramatically colder than usual, a trickle of light threatening to pour in from the cascading sunset. You laid down on your stomach with one of your pillows propped on your head, in hopes to shield away anyone from seeing your ugly-crying face.
Too late because Izuku was already standing outside your dorm room, swaying back and forth on his feet while biting down harshly on his lip. He can hear your soft cries seeping through the door. He doesn't know why he's hesitating, he's your boyfriend after all.
Moments later you hear the acute sounds of someone knocking on your door, followed by the soft spoken voice of your green haired boyfriend.
"Baby? Can I come in? I-If that's okay with you I m-mean! It's alright if you need some space but you left class so early I figured something happened to you and I got really worried because you always wait for Iida and uraraka to walk us back to the dorms as a group and maybe it had something to do with what I was telling you last night-."
You crack the door just a smidge before fully opening it, revealing your bloodshot eyes and tear stained shirt to him. His breathing hitched once his eyes fixated on your disheveled state. 
"Can you comfort me? I need you right now Izuku," your voice cracked a little, throat still tight after the crying session.
His strong, lean arms wrapped around your body momentarily, encasing you into a bear hug. Hugs from Izuku were amazing, no exceptions. He placed a quick peck on the crown of your forehead.
"C'mon, let's get inside and snuggle. How does that sound?" he asked as he unwrapped himself and took your trembling hand, leading you back inside the dimly lit room.
Izuku laid you gently down on your side once reaching the bed, crawling alongside with you before  draping the covers over the both of you. His familiar hands snake around your waist and nudges you to roll over. You obliged and shifted your body to face his, sparkly green eyes staring straight at you.
"Tell me, what's wrong baby? Does it have to do with the recent exam?" his thumb started tracing delicate lines on your hips, your uniform long gone and now replaced with comfortable clothes instead.
"I failed Izuku...I did so terrible on the written exam. I kept falling in and out of sleep during the test that I didn't have time to finish the middle portion of it," you exhaled a shaky breath. "Who knows what'll happen on the practical. I'll probably fail that too...I'm such a failure compared to everyone."
Izuku grabbed the tender flesh of your cheeks and directed your vision to level with his. He looked angry and concerned.
"Don't say that y/n! You're not a failure! That exam doesn't determine wether or not if you're good enough to be a hero. I've seen you in action hun, and I know for a fact that you're possibly the most strongest person I've met in my lifetime! You're ambitious, smart, determined, and so freaking beautiful." He then kissed you tenderly on the lips, his eyes closing slightly due to the contact.
"So...freaking...beautiful." He whispers against your mouth.
His sentimental words were enough for you to push back the negativity and simply enjoy the intimate moment.
Izuku lifted his head away from your face to rest it against your temple. "You're going to do great things, okay? One failing grade isn't going to be the end of the world. Trust me sweetheart, I've had my fair share in failures during our time here in Yuuei. But look at me now, still standing."
You nuzzled more into his chest, tickling his chin with your hair. Faintly, you can hear the pitter patter of his heart beat bursting through his rib cage.
"Would you love me even if I was a horrendous looking-failure?" you were clearly teasing him, but sometimes Izuku became dense when it came to that.
"Y/n! W-Why would you ask that! Of course I would you dummy! I'd love you no matter what."
This time you return the favor and kiss him, knowing how to easily fluster him in seconds. He whimpers into your mouth at the sudden contact and cups your jawline affectionately.
The two of you stayed like that till the moon shone through the balcony curtains, illuminating your skin in a dusty glow.
Lips bruised and swollen red, you laid lifelessly in his arms, letting him wove his scarred fingers through your hair. Izuku would occasionally stop to peck your lips, then resumes his attention back to your hair.
"I'm sorry by the way. I shouldn't have kept you up last night before the exam. I'm such a horrible boyfriend..." he admitted suddenly.
"Yes. Yes you are."
He gasped and stopped his movements altogether, obviously taken aback by your blunt words.
You giggled and said, "Kidding. You're the best boyfriend. Apology accepted.”
After hearing that, Izuku shoved himself onto your chest and let out muffled cry. "D-Don't scare me like that. Almost made me have a heart a-attack!"
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zozophoenixxx · 3 years
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Friendly reminders about The Flash⚡️
Things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀
✨Season 3✨
Flashpoint... oh gosh I used to hate this episode, I literally always skipped it but this time I'm gonna watch it you guys I promise😂
Nvm this episode might not be so bad, we get to see Barry all happy and with his mom and Dad and i-🥺
Omg do y'all remember in season 2 when Barry, Cisco and Harry went to E-2 to stop Zoom and Cisco said that he thought his doppelganger would be like a rich tech genius or sum like that... Not Cisco from flashpoint being a rich tech genius 🤭😃😂
Caitlin... She's a pediatric eye doctor🤭🥲😂 (flashpoint)
Wow wtf I had completely forgotten about Julian 😳
I swear I hate it when they mess so much with the timeline, I just can't keep up
West-Allen kiss count (approximately): 30😘
⬆️ approximately bc I might have messed up 😅
Wow I thought season 3 was all savitar, I did not remember alchemy
Rival, Magenta (portrayed by Joey King, we love her),ɹǝʇsɐɯ ɹoɹɹıɯ and top, monster, shade, plunder, abra cadabra
OK Y'ALL I JUST NOTICED THAT IN THE MAGENTA EPISODE *breathes in* Barry and Iris go on their first date and electric love was playing... The fact that that's the song used in the trend where you kiss your best friend seems rights
Jesse got her powers 😃 we stan Jesse Quick⚡️
CECILE AND JOE I-🥺
Bro HR 🥺
Julian really was a b*tch at the beginning of this season, but his accent tho🥴🤤🥵
That height difference between Cecile and Joe is what I need in life I love them 🥰
Iris is such a badass bro I love her
Savitar is apparently the Hindu god of motion 🤭
Killer frost episode 🤭😃 I love the fact that Caitlin got powers but I still felt so bad for her like she didn't want that, she didn't want to hurt anyone 🥺
She really said some pretty hurtful things to Barry, he messed up everyone makes mistakes 🥺
Barry tricking Killer Frost into turning back into Caitlin was 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and then when she wanted to apologize and Cisco just hugged her and Joe too i- 🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺❤️🥺 I think that was the first time when we saw Joe And Caitlin hug 🥺
Julian's such an ass bro he really forced Barry to quit and he really did just to protect Caitlin
Y'all ever get chills or just overall goosebumps whenever the music from the other shows start playing in the crossovers? No? Just me? Cool just wanted to know 😅
Felicity fangirling is me
Also Diggle throwing up every time Barry takes him from somewhere is hilarious or just him being done with anything that's not normal 😂
Bro supergirl I- 🥴🤩
NO AND THEN SARAH AHDHAHHAHAA she really said "it's kinda hot" (referring to Supergirl being a bad ass) when they were training lmao I cantttt
Cisco was getting visions of Dante, who was actually Savitar, and was manipulated into opening the box which brought Savitar out and really if it hadn't been for Caitlin, Barry and Wally would've been killed
DANG CECILE AND JOE JUST KISSED WOWWW😁
Their apartment i-
HR really got them a turtle named McSnurtle y'all i-
GYPSY
That scene where they told Joe that Iris was meant to die in the future was so🥺😞😩 I don't even know how to describe it
wally and Jesse were cute 🥺🥰🤌
Cisco and Harry were kinda mean to HR🥺
Grodd just tried to kill Joe and Harry and Cisco came up with a way to see into Grodd's memory through Joe and Istg Joe's face lmao, he's just so done with everything 😂
Dang Grodd's plan really was to kill everyone with nuclear missiles by controlling that military guy and Barry had to try every password combination to stop it just like he did in season 1 or 2 (idk lmao) when he was helping Snart and his father with a robbery
Y'ALL BAHSHHHAHAHA I love GYPSY she really just straight up kissed Cisco and went like "even if I did [like you] you couldn't handle me"
AND CISCO was all like "I'll marry that woman"😩😳😂💀
BARRY DID NOT JUST PROPOSE
Y'ALL WHAT I THOUGHT THIS WAS WAY LATER
I love that scene where they tell everyone 🥺
Bro why was Barry always so mean to Wally like I know he was stressed out about Iris but bro it wasn't Wally's fault 🥺
OMG JULIAN JUST KISSED CAITLIN🥺 they're adorable
Wally did watch Iris die
Jesse moved to E-1 when she was dating Wally for a bit and she stayed at Joe's house with the both of them
Savitar used The Greek myth of Atla to explain why he needed Wally to get out of the speed force ➡️ Atla can't let go of the sky without having someone take it from him.
Ok so by taking a part of the philosopher stone before it was thrown into the speed force, Caitlin technically kept Savitar from coming back. So if Wally hadn't had those visions where Savitar manipulated him into throwing that little piece of rock into the speed force... He wouldn't have been able to escape
That was kinda hard to explain. Idek if it made sense I'm sorry y'all I'm not good with words 😂
I love Harry 🥺
NOT EDDIE IN THE SPEED FORCE 😳
Ok y'all but whenever y'all watch it or rewatch it, there's this very cute and funny scene in S3 E16 min 17:00 between Caitlin And HR where she takes away his drumstick and he just takes out another one but it's very adorable because they keep messing around🥺
Bro the speed force was really being b*tch to Barry when he was trying his best to save everyone and change the future 😩😞
And Jesse was so mean to HR on Ep16🥺
Jay saved them 🥺
Ok relationships are so confusing wtf
THE MUSICAL EPISODE, MON-EL, SUPERGIRL OMG ITS BEEN A WHILE WTH!! Imma rewatch supergirl too😃
Melissa Benoist is so gorgeous 🥴🤩
The way Barry looked at her when she was singing I-
I love their friendship but I kinda ship them too🥺
OH I REMEMBER! this guy was trying to teach them a lesson about love, because they were both having relationship problems
He was also on glee. THE 3 OF THEM! I-
Darren Criss, I didn't know his name
I love this episode
Cisco and Winn And Malcolm singing and dancing, this couldn't get better
Omg I would love to see a Winn-Cisco-Felicity trio. I feel like they would work so great together 😁
IRIS AND MON-EL well actually Tommy Moran and Millie
Their fathers being gangsters is hilarious and their accents 😂
Everyone's facial expressions when John revealed that he was also an Alien 😂
Millie having 2 dads and those being Stein and Joe is great lmao although I never knew if it was because they were hay or it was more like Barry's situation 😂
JOE AND STEIN SINGING AND BARRY IN THE BACK Y'ALL IM🤭🤩🥺
I never thought I needed this 🥰
THEIR DUET IS COMING VDXHSBFVDHA
THEY'RE DANCING 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
This is officially one of my favorite episodes 😃
When they got shot they were very worried for each other and I just love their friendship
HE'S ABOUT TO PROPOSE, HE'S SINGING AHHHHH
COME RUNNIN HOME TO YOUUU 🎶🥺
I really liked how in the episode where Caitlin gets hurt when Abra Kadabra throws a bomb, Julian's the one to operate on her and Iris is right there with him trying to help out, even though they weren't truly friends until later on it shows that they're all really a family
And also Wally and Barry carrying her to the room 🥺
Also the fact that it was Caitlin guiding Julian through her own surgery shows how strong and amazing she is I love her 🤩
Caitlin (killer frost actually) is the 1st to know who Savitar is
BRO CECILE JUST TOLD JOE SHE LOVES HIM AND HE DIDNT- this got too ~umconfy~
Bro killer frost's outfit is pretty hot 🤩
Cisco was afraid of killing Caitlin on accident and that's why he didn't shoot her whenever they were trying to get her🥺
"She's my best friend... And I'd rather it be me than her"
I love him. And I love their friendship.🥺😞
BAHSHAHHA do y'all remember when they erased Barry's memories?
He's hilarious
JAHSHAHAJAJ and now they left him alone with Wally who told him they're basically brothers AND BARRY STRAIGHT UP GOT HIS HAND OUT OF HIS POCKET AND LOOKED AT HIS SKIN COLOR I-
Barry loved anime
He's so happy without his memories, he's gone through so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺
Snart prevented Barry from killing King Shark
HR and Tracy 🥺
The way HR blamed himself after he told Savitar where Iris was and the fact that he does end up saving her at the end is...🥺
Bro I felt really bad for Savitar later
But then he betrayed and 🙂
And now Barry just left
I swear I hated this cliffhanger sm
Cause whenever I started watching it this was the last season and I-
Also Iris killed Savitar
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fivour · 4 years
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ppl who call jotaro’s personality boring or bland make me
ugh
like you can have ur opinions. u likely dont mean any harm and thats fine idc im not attacking you for not vibing with jotaro kujo, that would be silly
but it’s really damn obvious that jotaro is severely depressed.
and it always makes me feel weird to see people call his personality boring (i dont mean character development, that’s a different thing entirely) bc as someone w depression it’s so nice to finally see a character that is......... like me. you’d think w how common depression is authors wouldn’t be such misinformed cowards but a lot are. so jotaro is very dear to me. ironically it took almost a year for me to realize i relate to him so hard bc there’s like a 99.99999% chance he’s depressed.
depression is more than just being sad & people can be very high functioning and successful despite depression so let’s get that out of the way while i explain in unnecessary length why i believe this whether it was intentional by araki or not.
1. it makes you angry & moody depression and anger go hand in hand. irritability is a symptom for a reason, baby! it can make you very aggressive and give you a very short fuse (or the opposite, make you repress it). god knows i am aware of this lol. even the smallest things can set off intense anger. and jotaro’s aggressive responses r a notable feature of his character. not to mention that sometimes when you get really angry, it feels better than feeling nothing; sometimes you end up seeking it out just to feel something.
2. it makes you feel like a problem jotaro worries excessively, albeit for a reason but it also fits depression’s MO, that people he loves will be hurt bc of him. and a lot of people, myself included, lash out in anger when deeply upset, whether they are truthfully angry.
he is the problem. he is always the problem, in his mind. is that self centered? maybe. but it is a common thought and it often comes from a place of deep self loathing, not exaggerated self importance. he keeps people away bc if he gets involved with them, they get hurt; and this is only proved time and time again & he’s allowed to internalize that. which eventually ruins his family (ahem jokes about bad dad jotaro are not funny, they never have been, thank you and moving on.) and sometimes i wish he had the chance to cope with his shit and [cries]
3. it makes you apathetic and empty people also think jotaro is emotionless which honestly? maybe that could be the case. depression is very consistent (otherwise it’s usually something else, like a form of bipolar). for some people, myself included, the feeling they feel consistently is apathy or emptiness. instead of ‘neutral’ you just feel... void of anything at all. i would describe it as a cloud hanging over your entire life. sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours. but the cloud is always there. his apathy seems to be the main reason people hate him and it’s one of those things that i just cannot imagine the other side on, you know? it’s such a part of my own life.... i never realized people thought that was ‘unrealistic’.
there are many moments when you can feel happy, joyful, or peaceful; they are just few and far between. even though i am depressed, i have things that make me very happy. sure it’s one thing, but it’s a thing! for jotaro, that seems to be marine biology and family. although araki has some weird obsession with family being super important we will pretend that family is important to jotaro, not araki. anyways. these arent reasons to say he isnt depressed, bc there are some of the few things he seems to love. there are also ups and downs to your mood, as is there is for someone without any mental health issues.
4. it can accompany trauma and psychological issues jotaro grew up with a dad who was, as far as we can guess, never home. a dad so absent that joseph hated him and you know what joke im about to make there. yes im aware it’s also bc he ‘took his daughter away’ bc joseph was born when women were property and racism was super cool hashtag vintage but it is likely deeper than that for reasons that this post isnt about.
but.
sadao was an absent father and put work first and i can tell you from experience that destroys your self esteem as a child. you feel unimportant. you feel like you don’t come first to your parent. it certainly does not make for a happy childhood and any psychologist will scream at u that childhood is absolutely key in developing ur brain. theres also the fact that jotaro 100% got bullied for ‘not having a dad’ bc it was the 1980s and actually nvm that still happens haha hashtag vintage.
besides being depressed, this is also the example of a father that jotaro had growing up (ppl like to act like joseph lived w them lol no joseph was also a distant father figure, if one at all), so him being away from his family all the time? he probably didnt give it a second thought. beyond the fact that the subconscious exists and we dont consciously decide everything we do (which jojo fans in particular are super bewildered by idk what it is with yall), jotaro is also the type of person to avoid pondering his own personal problems.
so anyways........
i am done raving.
daddy issues aren’t a fucking joke i will fist fight you Right Now.
i love jotaro kujo.
thank u mr araki for making him.
goodnight
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quackspot · 4 years
Note
CHALLENGE: Assign your friends and you as the HLVRAI group!
ok *cracks knuckles* *instantly dies 10 minutes into doing this*
im  going to lump characters together and make stretches and squishes and all that 
benrey - me   because  
gordon - sauce 
2 of my friends   kin those characters Big Truck and brian (im sure theyre. okay with me talking about it ???? idk they never mentioned not being okay with it as far as im aware but to be safe i referred to one friend as big truck instead of their name)
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
its  a lot of analysis . what if i just didn’t explain why . it’ll include various friends from various groups i don’t quite know my friends 100% 
so the characters uhhhhhh
gordon benrey bubby coomer tommy darnold and forzen
i could see myself as either darnold or benrey. while i am a coward and i am not a big fan of how loud things can get i also love bullying my closest friends with dumb shit (once sauce and i argued about herobrine quite a bit it was very fun)
i can literally only see sauce as gordon .
i mean  with everyone cy kins (some being evil old people) maybe bubby fits with those . i can believe cy burning things . can’t see cy being mean but that might just be rose-tinted glasses go off cy go apeshit
if u include mutuals i look at melon-official and go “what a nice person :-]” and melon is cool. dr coomer is a nice person and is cool. hmm
tommy uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk . might fuck around and kin assign my brother tommy lol. he’s a smart guy but also my brother is a himbo. brother’s kind. actually my brother talks a lot nvm. i dont know if any of my friends would be like hlvrai tommy but one of them kin him i think and? that’s so valid go off king
havent talked to my friend Big Truck much so i don’t know much about them but they seem funny and cool and nice amazing work Big Truck . could be benrey and has the power to be . they kin a tma character too so hmm *thinks real hard but realizes that a person’s kins don’t describe them completely*
i don’t like doing the thing where i look up messages theyve sent in a public server to analyze them it makes me feel weird . i started to do it but then i stopped . big truck funny n cool and great at art.
dont know anything about forzen maybe i’ll shove my brother onto him. himbo rights
g-man. hm . i dont consider any of my friends vaguely threatening and serious uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. hmmmmmmmmmmm. 
oh wait leon bubby too leon bubby. chaotic aura.
giving jamie one? maybe. jamie............ Coomer. maybe. cool + fun + a lil chaotic . actually very hcaotic hse made fuckign   sotry of undertrlakgtkjrshuoaji aklatall y hall .......................................
didn’t give g man or tommy one . well i mean tommy and tommy kinnie ?! hmm
(i dont like to reveal my friend’s;ss’s’s’’ kins very much but i know brian’s pretty public with them to an extent from what i’ve paid attention to in conversation)
tombee haha puns
brian is gordon but   post-game gordon living in an apartment trying to make pancakes at 5 am 
if you expected a straight list then you oughta see my classwork it’s just as messy as this. sometimes it’s neat but only when the teacher makes me have it that way
gee, man its hard .  uhhhhhhhh. brian  can be serious but i dont think he’d stutter. “did i fucking stutter” headass 
the skeletons can be anyone and everyone. they just want to break out of our flesh prisons and sing and cocoon local enemies 
note that i didnt re read over any of this so it’s just raw thoughts. can edit it if friends would like 
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lonelyghosts-stuff · 2 years
Text
Marvel’s Hawkeye Reaction-Episode 4
I’ve been avoiding trailers and previews and everything based on this show because I wanna be surprised but ppl still spoiled this ep for me lmao
Previously on… Hawkeye. That last episode was prob my fave so far. The car chase was great
Didn’t the last episode end with Kate’s future stepdad catching Clint and Kate in the house?
Okay I did remember correctly
Does Jack not recognize Hawkeye lol?
Okay now he does lol
Stop with the branding issue lmao. Poor dude doesn’t wanna be recognized he wants to retire
Poor Kate “I wouldn’t really describe us as friends”
Awwwwkward
“Avengers Level Threat” MyStErIo CoNfIrMeD????
Oof Clint recognizes the Ronin sword of course
The tension is so thick you could cut it with Ronin’s sword
Oh Nat…
Parents to parents
Damn slick Clint! How did you grab the sword?
STOP DOING THE CLOSE UPS ON THEM TEXTING IF YOU CANT EVEN GET THE ACTORS TO CLICK ON LETTERS ANYWHERE NEAR THE LETTERS SHOWING UP ON THE SCREEN MY GOD 😂 it’s so funny like this shouldn’t even be an issue. Don’t show them typing the messages from their perspective. Show them typing from the other side of the phone and either cut back to show their finished typed message or have like an on screen graphic even if that would be a bit of an eye sore. Anything better than this lol. Like dude is pressing the same keys over and over and keys that are NOWHERE near the ones showing up on screen lmaooo
Sketchy Eleanor
Wait what Laura knows Russian???
I’ve heard theories that she was supposed to be mockingbird in this universe but I beg you no… don’t waste that character. Don’t erase Barbara Morse aka Bobbie. Marvel, if you want to make Mockingbird a thing, contact me please lol. Even before these theories came about I’ve been talking with my friend who also loves marvel about wanting to be Mockingbird for marvel! She’d be like the perfect character for me to act! Anyways sorry off track
Rolex? Was that hers?
Please please please don’t make her Mockingbird
How did Clint and Laura meet anyways???
Poor kids
I still can’t get over that Clint’s older son looks like Kyle Rittenhouse lmaooo
Man I hate when parents talk about their kids within earshot of their kids. So awkward
I don’t trust Kate’s mom. I get the feeling she might be the big bad, or at least the big bad in some way. Like the show seems to have a lot of antagonists
Nice for Kate to like to see her mom happy but she is still so caring and suspicious
Awww nice seeing Kate smiling. It’s so bittersweet. She loves seeing her mom smiling and happy but she is still so suspicious
Oh poor Clint. Using frozen fruit drinks as ice packs
Oh man right as he lies down there’s a call
I wonder if it’s…
No it’s just Kate nvm.
BAHAHAHA PIZZA DOG MONCHING ON THE CHEEZITS
“Alright this is the classic Hawkeye costume we’ve been waiting for.”—the fans
THE SANTA CLAUSE YESSSS!!! That’s like my family’s classic Christmas movie! Love Tim Allen so much
Awwww thoughtful Kate
“Sword boy” lmao
The Thanos was right mug Oml did Kate’s (grandma? Aunt?) own that already??
Good doggy. Love seeing Clint loving the dog. It’s like the whole “dad never wanted a dog but he became the closest to the dog” thing
I love their camaraderie and chemistry as actors lol it’s so good
I know this isn’t like super exciting or whatever but this is so fun. Clint and Kate decorating a tree together
I’m so glad this shoe is actually respecting Clint and keeping him cool and talented unlike the Loki show that nerfed Loki so hard, especially to make way for a female Loki
THAT WAS ADORABLE AWWWWW CLINT TEACHING KATE TRICKS
Oh that got serious fast. The best shot is the one he never took?
OH ABOUT NAT
NO IM GONNA CRY
Oh man… I miss Nat so much…
“She was the best there was.” 😭😭😭 I miss her so damn much. She really was the best
Aw man the contrast showing the movie they’re watching about a dad reuniting with his family while Clint is here instead
“Is that where you met the Ronin?” Well…. Kinda
“It’s you isn’t it?” Damn she put it together quick huh?
Damn shatter Kate’s world
“My job has always been to hurt people.” “I was a weapon.”
Poor Clint… Clint if you could take in Natasha after what she did… if you could take in Wanda after what she did… you need to be able to forgive yourself too❤️
I’m glad this show is showing these different sides of the heroes without nerfing them
Hmmm too quiet… is a certain someone about to show up?
Dear autocorrect, for the past few weeks, every time I have written the word “show” you have autocorrected it to “shoe”. Please stop.
Oof I wouldn’t take out the hearing aid if I was you
Flashback time…
NO DONT MAKE ME WATCH NAT DIE AGAIN AGGHHHH
I like how they did that scene though. Even though it ripped my heart out
Okay seriously did Clint buy that “Thanos Was Right” mug on his own or did Kate’s grandma/aunt buy that lmao? Also wouldn’t that be like the equivalent of getting a “hitler was right” cup??
Oh right I forgot Kate wasn’t there for the LARPing thing lol
“Our arrows” communist Kate
What a bunch of nerds… man I wanna LARP…
“I’m his partner slash best friend” lmaooo
Damn what’s up with these LARPers being corrupt police lmao? Only helping out for favors?
Haha nice job Clint
“Oh don’t get me wrong I think you’re a doormat” lmao burn
Soooo what do the Track Suit Mafia even do??? Like they’re a bunch of criminals but I’m kinda confused as to how the show is trying to paint them
Oh what does he notice that Clint doesn’t? Or am I misreading just facial expressions?
Lmao he chucked his gun
Lmao Hawkeye is at a larping party with Kate
Oh no Kate is getting into LARPing too seriously
Ohhhhhhh dang I caught the set up. This lady is gonna be the one to design the new Hawkeye suits for them! The purple ones!!!
The Rolex. That keeps coming up. What’s special about the Rolex?
“My wife gave me this bag. It’s embroidered. It says ‘Bombshell’.” I’m cringing lol. “Bombshell”? Really? Lmao okay
Soooo what’s the conflict? Just grab the arrows and carry them? You have a backpack? Please don’t make this bag get destroyed just for manufactured tension…
Okay what is so special about this Rolex???
Dammit Kate come on!!! Did you really just try to do this on your own? Don’t do this to Clint. Also how did you make no noise getting away from him?
“I was talking to an avenger!” Kate… did you just… sigh… I would have just said “sorry I was talking to myself.” This man is either gonna think you’re crazy and it’s gonna be unnecessary, awkward humor, or someone bad is gonna hear and this is gonna cause an issue…
Lmao she’s weirding him out to get him to go away… you could have just helped him to the door and then left.
Lock picking machine!
Nice apartment. Open. Spacious. Plants.
She’s gonna get attacked or sum…
Please please please don’t have the watch belong to mockingbird and don’t make Laura mockingbird I beg you marvel.
Uh oh clint getting beaten up
KATE GET OUT OF THERE
Wait what?
Oh that’s Yelena huh?
Good thing Maya didn’t have a gun huh?
Awkward. I remember one time I got stuck on a zip line lol
Yea that’s definitely Yelena
Lmao Maya is int the fight now too
Yup that’s Yelena
Oh crap clint getting PTSD over Nat
Ouch sonic bomb arrow
Maya running away?
Hi Yelena! How ya doing?
Bye yelena!
Kinda disappointed Yelena wasn’t smart enough to figure out that Clint wasn’t responsible for Nat’s death
“You’re not my partner. Never were.” Aaaaaand here’s the manufactured “protagonists fight before the climax cliche”
Cmon Clint she just saved your life
Clint just doesn’t want to keep losing people… but damn.
We all know Kate ain’t giving up that quickly
Okay honestly surprised he didn’t recognize yelena, only that she was a black widow? Or maybe he did but just didn’t say? Because him and Nat were definitely close enough where Nat would tell him about her family.
Also surprised Yelena gave up that easily? Maya too. Maya got shot with the arrow but only seemed mildly inconvenienced by it then pulled it out and ran away. Then Yelena had Clint knocked down but then ran away cuz kate had her bow drawn on her?
Okay so episode three was still my favorite but this was good too. But my biggest concern remains, and it’s even bigger now. Now we just introduced Yelena into the show, and there’s only two episodes left. We still don’t know how much Jack or Kate’s mom is involved. We don’t know much about the track suit mafia or who Maya answers too or what her goals are outside of a criminal organization (especially odd since she eventually becomes a hero or anti-hero as Echo in her own upcoming show) nor who Maya herself answers to (although I’ve heard rumors it’s Kingpin?). I’m just afraid the show is gonna rush its ending… this episode had some weird pacing with the ending part but not too badly where it ruined anything.
Now we got two more weeks for the finale. Here’s hoping it sticks the landing!
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(darling don't be afraid) i will love you
Happy late-vday-early-bday @ryn-exe (can’t tag?)!!! Hope u enjoy, soz if it’s not good but i’m not so amazing(phil)
This is 2.1k words. There’s a bit of dream-violence (not in detail) and a lot of anxiety and fear so if u don’t like that stuff!! Tell me!!!! And i’ll write something else for you, i don’t mind. (You didn’t say anything i wasn’t supposed to write but idk). I’d describe this as hurt/comfort i think lmaooo
Basic summery i wrote fo myself: Dan and Phil, and how they deal with each other’s 3am fears (2009 vs 2018, now)
From a pitch-hitter 💓💓
——
[Saturday; 10.26.09; 03:37]
——
Dan<33 (03:37): phil? :[
Phil (03:45): Yrha
Phil (03:47): Sorry!! Yeah**
Phil (03:47): Why are you up so early/late?? I barely woke up
Dan<33 (03:49): sorry i woke you :/
Dan<33 (03:50): my parents went away for a bit and i’m home alone and i cant turn off the lights cuz im too scared
Dan<33 (03:51): and i can’t sleep so bad even hugging pillow cant help mee :[[
Dan<33 (03:52): so im sitting in the hallway with every light im the house on alone in just my pants
Dan<33 (03:52): and i was a idiot and missed you so i woke you up at so late and now ur gonna hate me crap
Dan<33 (03:52): sorry
Phil (03:53): I’ll never ever hate you dan!!! <<33333333333333
Phil (03:53): I’m sorry ur so scared :[[ I wish I was there to be strong and protect u again
Dan<33 (03:54): i wish you were here too
Phil (03:54): :[ <3
Dan<33 (03:58): CDAP PHIL I THINK I HESRF A GHOST
Dan<33 (03:58): IR MONSTER
Dan<33 (03:58): FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Phil (03:59): Dan oh my gosh are you okay??
Dan<33 (04:00): yeah i think but
Dan<33 (04:00): i heard something phil
Dan<33 (04:01): im scared
Dan<33 (04:02): i can’t believe im 18 and i’m actually sobbing out of fear alone and naked in a hallway over a fucking noise
Dan<33 (04:02): to my boyfriend
Dan<33 (04:02): on skype
Dan<33 (04:03): fuck
Phil (04:03): Dan :[[ i’m so sorry
Dan<33 (04:04): it’s not your fault
Phil (04:04): Want me to call you??? (If u want)
Dan<33 (04:05): can we skype instead?
Dan<33 (04:05): i want to see your face plz <3
Dan<33 (04:05): if thats okay
Phil (04:06): That’s fine! One sec plz :]
——
[Phil would like to add Dan<33 to a call (02:33)]
[Accept] [Decline]
[Accepted]
——
When Dan answered the call, his face was red and puffed and wet. Even through the crap-pixel screen quality, Phil could see that.
“Hey,” Dan’s voice broke.
“Hi,”
Dan was shaking slightly.
His face suddenly flushed, “Oh shit, I forgot – I’m, uh, in only pants. In front of you. Crap.”
“It’s fine, I’ve seen you shirtless before.” Phil smiled what he hoped was reassuringly, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah — I mean, I am now. I guess.”
“Are you cold?”
“Kinda.” Dan admitted.
“Want to go to bed?”
“My room is too dark –”
“Well, I’ll be there, wont I? And I’ll protect you from everything bad in the dark.”
“You’re not really here.”
“Only ever a few hours away. And if worst comes to worst, I have the police line and the monster-killer line. So you’ll be super safe.”
Dan muffled a giggle, “Yeah, okay.”
He shuffled up off the floor, and made his way into his bedroom, clutching the laptop tightly.
“I dunno if I’m getting any sleep tonight, honestly.”
“You will! You can cuddle your pillow and I’ll tell you stories until the demons go away and you can sleep.”
“I’m not five, Phil.” There was no malice in his reply.
“You don’t need to be five for any of that to be true.” Phil said, serious tone.
“Okay,”
Minutes later, Dan was snuggled under his covers; hugging a pillow tightly as he listened to Phil go on about some guy at the market.
“Then, he pulled a hot dog out of his left pocket. Who keeps a single —”
“Phil?” Dan interrupted, his voice was dripping with sleep.
“Mm?”
“Do you think I’m stupid?”
“No.” Phil answered simply.
“I mean – for being so scared of such dumb stuff. Seven-year-olds are braver than me.”
“It’s okay to have fears, Dan. I bet you’re not the only adult with those fears either,”
“I’m scared of the dark. And ghosts and monsters and moths and demons and –”
“– and that’s fine. I don’t mind.”
“And it’s not annoying to deal with? I’m not?”
“You will never be annoying to ‘deal with’; I promise.”
Phil meant it.
——
[Monday; 12.07.09; 02:59]
——
Phil :]]]<333333 (02:59): Dan?
Dan (03:00): yeah??? <3
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:03): I’m scared
Dan (03:04): of what :[[
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): I dunno it’s just creaky downstairs and I’m alone for the night I guess
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): Nvm
Dan (03:05): no tell me i want to help u
Dan (03:05): plz
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:07): Well it’s just that
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): It’s really dark and windy
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): And there was a tree snapping against my window I thought our house might’ve blown down
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:09): And I thought i heard thunder which usually isn'tn too bad but right now its scaring me a bit
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): I don’t wanna be alone rn is all
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): But i am brave! So it’ll be okay i think
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): Don’t worry about me <33
Dan (03:11): i want to worry :[
Dan (03:11): you don’t always have to be brave <333 ily and i would give you the biggest hug if i were there
Dan (03:12): and tell the trees and thnder to fuck off and let you sleep
Dan (03:12): and then we would sleep all cuddled up togerher like we do sometimes and it would be warm and nice
Dan (03:14): i wish i were there with you
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): You will be someday so it’s okay now too :]
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): But plz tell the trees and thunder to fuck off it’s very loud :’[[[
Dan (03:16): if u call me i will????
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:17): Lol okay :p
——
[Incoming call from Dan]
[Accepted]
——
“Hi!” Dan really should be quieter; last time he called Phil at three in the morning his dad had yelled at him.
“Hi,” Phil’s sleep-laced voice answered.
A booming crack of thunder, and a whimper.
“Don’t worry – it… won’t hurt you.” Despite everything, Dan was sometimes still quite new to the role of 'comfort’ in their relationship.
“I know, just loud.”
Dan wished he was like Phil. He wished he could just pull out an intresting story, a funny idea.
“Sorry.”
He wasn’t like Phil, though.
“Want to play a game?”
“What game could we possibly play through a phone call?” Dan could practically hear Phil rolling his eyes.
Dan wracked his brain for quick ideas.
“Eye-Spy?”
“We’re… not in the same room Dan.”
“Yeah, true.”
Dan’s room suddenly felt rather empty and uninteresting.
Dan felt empty and uninteresting.
“What do you want me to do?” He finally muttered.
He held his breath.
“I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down. I like when you rant about things you love.”
Let it out.
“Oh. Well – want to hear my never-ending thoughts on WALL-E then?”
“Definitely.”
——
[Sunday; 02.04.18; 04:12]
——
“Phil?”
“Mhm?” He rolled over and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “What’re you doing up?”
“There was a moth.”
“A moth?”
“Yes!” Dan looked around the room nervously, rolling on his heels, “It’s in the lounge somewhere and I can’t sleep knowing it’s out there — lurking.”
Phil groaned.
“Fucking kill it! Or set it free, I dunno. I just need it gone.”
“You are truly the perfect mix of 'needy child’ and 'angry businessman’, Danny.”
“Fuck off.”
“Mm, lemme get a cup then.”
Phil shoved on his glasses and stumbled out of bed into the kitchen, Dan following closely behind.
“Where was it again?” He asked, grabbing a wine glass from the cupboard.
They hadn’t really drank much alcohol these past few years– since Dan had gone on antidepressents— but they still always kept the glasses, to drink Ribena and seem fancy.
“No! You’ll need a bigger cup, it’s huge.” He whined.
“Okay,” he grabbed another glass, “where is it?”
“In the lounge last I saw.”
“I’ll go look, you get a piece of paper.”
Genuine terror painted over Dan’s face, “I don’t want to be alone.”
“Christ’s sake Dan, it’s a moth, not an armed burglar. I think you’ll live.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. Now, just go a minute.”
He then ventured into the lounge, still half-drowned by sleep, when he heard a shriek.
“Dan?”
“Phil! Fucking help!”
Anyone else might’ve thought Dan was being held at gunpoint from the panicked way he was yelling.
“Coming!”
He went into the hall; Dan was standing there, paralysed with fear, as a giant moth flew circles around him. He had tears threatening to fall.
“Oh dear,”
Phil went over to the closet and grabbed a broom, spent a few go’s waving it around– and almost hitting Dan in the process— before smacking it head on.
“Aw, now I feel bad for killing it,” He whispered.
Dan was on the floor now, shaking, tears stained down his cheeks. He was in only pants.
And Phil was there.
“Well, the moth’s gone now isn’t it?” He crouched down next to Dan, putting his hands gently on his shoulders.
“Mmm,” Dan had his head tucked in his knees.
“Are you okay?”
Silence.
“That’s fine. Want me to make you some tea?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
A few minutes later, in the kitchen, with dried cheeks; “I can’t believe how much of a wimp I am.”
The kettle rang, and Phil took it off the stove carefully.
“No —”
“I know, I know, my therapist told me. 'It’s never weak to have fears’. But I cried over a fucking moth. In our hallway. It’s late and –”
“– and that’s okay.”
“It’s not okay Phil!”
“It’s fine in the moment, that’s what I mean.”
He grabbed a NASA mug, and poured the boiling water in a teapot.
“I must be exhausting.”
Phil dropped in a teabag.
He still remembered. It was a promise made at 4am; a promise over Skype to a more-than-slightly-terrified eighteen year old.
A promise made to a bunch of pixel’s with a name and a face and fear.
A promise his Dan probably didn’t even remember, honestly.
“No, I promised that much.”
“Mhm,”
He poured the tea.
“So, two sugars or three?”
“Two.”
——
[Friday; 02.16.18; 05:12]
——
Dan was on the sofa; snuggled up in blankets and watching the winter Olympics through his small Iphone screen. His eyes were heavy, he yawned.
Their bedroom door squeaked opened.
“Hey,” Phil spoke quietly.
“Up so late?”
“You’re up too.”
“Well — I’m watching the Olympics. You know it’s on late in the UK.”
“Alright.” Phil shuffled into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and leaving the cupboard door wide open.
“Why are you awake?”
“Just another nightmare, s'fine.”
“Then why did you come out here?”
His voice might’ve been read as upset – he was just tired. Half the time Dan honestly didn’t mean to come off so rude.
“Dunno,”
“What was it about?”
“Uh — I think my family was trapped, you included, and I was the only person who could save them. But I had to do something… I think, I had to open a lock to somewhere? But I was too nervous. I saw everyone die; I knew it was my fault. I saw – you know, blood. Not too much. But it’s fine.”
As he spoke, he went over to the sink and got a glass of water, adding iced-cubes; his tone was unnaturally cool and casual.
“But I heard your skull shatter –”
“What the fuck —”
“Sorry! You asked though.”
“No – I mean, that’s horrible. Jesus christ, are you okay?”
Phil shrugged, “It happens, it’s okay though. Just a dream.”
It was only at that moment Dan noticed Phil’s eyes were a little too redded, his words a little bit shaky.
Phil started back to their room.
“Are you going back to sleep?”
“Probably.” His reply was tired.
“Oh – uh, well, why don’t you stay with me and watch the Olympics? I know you’ve never really cared, not your thing, but still I think that —”
“Sure! I’ll stay, yeah.” Phil quickly answered.
“Okay.”
Phil put his glass of water back down on the counter, and walked over to the sofa. Dan opened up his blanket fort and invited Phil in.
“These are the men’s single runs.”
“Mhm,” Phil nuzzled his head into Dan’s neck, which usually would’ve bothered him, but he didn’t mind so much.
A few minutes pass, “So what’s that guy supposed to be doing? I need your commentary; you know.”
I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down.
“Well, that’s the Japanese lead skater, which means —”
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vrenaewrites · 4 years
Text
CRAVE by Tracy Wolff thoughts: Ch 22 - ch 48
Full video here.
CH 22: Baby, it’s hot in here
Like, baby it’s cold outside?
Sooooo much internal monologuing about her first boyfriend and how no one has made her feel like Jaxon does…
“The big picture is that the most popular boys in school are obsessed with you”
“He looks at you like it physically hurts him not to be touching you. Baby, if he wanted you anymore he’d spontaneously combust”
Macy wants the tea about her and Jaxon
She says flint and him had a “massive pissing contest over her” lmao
“Are you trying to be reassuring or scare me?” “yes”
She tells heather ttyf? Am i stupid??? What does that mean?
TALK TO YOU FOREVER?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
“It sounds like every cliche in the book, but he’s different around you. Somehow less intense, but more intense.”
“You can trust me, we’re family” and grace almost starts crying :(
CH 23: never bring an ice cream scoop to a gunfight
Macy FINALLY comes clean re: flint and jaxon are mortal enemies
“What is this the breakfast club? Even they figured out they could all get along” grace just be quiet and let the girl who actually knows wtf is up at this school tell you wtf is up. You been wanting her to talk for so long, be quiet.
Ooh something big happened a year ago that made them all break up into factions
It’s about hudson jaxon’s brother!
Or is his name spelled Hyudsin because stupid spellings
Ooh macy warned grace not to become the chew toy between flint and jaxon
CH 24: waffles are the way to a girl’s everything
I want to hate this but i fucking love waffles so like…
Someone’s texting her about her ankle...i thought it was jaxon...AND IT IS!
“I don’t know the punchline to whatever knock knock joke you’re setting up” I BURST OUT LAUGHING BECAUSE “he’s funny over text” ma’am...this isn’t funny? Maybe a lil snarky, but funny?
Now she’s telling jokes over text and we’re having a whole long stupid text fucking exchange….i hate this so much
Then he tries, “what do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite” and my soul leaves my body because what in the 8th grade twilight fanfiction is happening…
She texts him brb instead of just responding when when she was done peeing and then he stops answering her, this used to happen to me with the toxic dudes i talked to in high school...am i reading too much into this? Idk yet
And then she’s spiraling about why he stopped texting and UGH I REMEMBER THIS FEELING!!!!!!!!!
Jaxon has food sent up to her room from the...cafeteria? Wtf…
He says he doesn’t like the food and she says “So what do you like to eat” and then is like “wow that sounded suggestive” lmao
And he says “i don’t think we’re there yet but let me know when we are” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
CH 25: truly madly deeply bitten
And we’re really just gonna keep texting 21 questions
She loves tatbilb...i mean same lana condor is the loml, but
Jaxon loves rogue one………
I don’t care AT ALL. NOT ONE BIT DO I CARE, TRACY WOLFF.
“I wish i could ask the real jaxon vega to please stand up” i rolled my eyes but i also giggled
“You suck” “you have no idea how much” i threw up in my mouth.
Niall horan reference, hozier reference, rhianna reference
JAXON’S. FAVORITE. SONG. IS. TRULY. MADLY. DEEPLY.
INSERT SNAPCHAT OF ME CRYING LAUGHING HERE
Gambino reference, beethoven reference???, and then brown-eyed girl which personally offends me because my mom used to sing that to me
This makes her hands shake
She plays brown eyed girl a bunch of times
Then another woman comes to deliver a package to grace...from jaxon...it’s a library book
It’s twilight
Insert snap of me screaming stfu here
Macy is laughing her ass off about this because she isn’t stupid, she knows what jaxon is
And grace says she never read it when it was popular all those years ago…
Baby you said you liked reading. No way did you survive middle school without reading it.
And then he shows up!!!!!
She makes a shitty joke to lighten to the mood
He’s massaging her hurt ankle...oh shiiii
They ALMOST kiss
He gives her a little note wrapped in a ribbon
“I wonder how i’m going to keep this beautiful, broken boy from cracking my already battered heart wide open”
Hades voice: we were so CLOSE!
CH 26: the uniform doesn’t make the woman, but it sure brings out the insecurities
He ripped a page out of anais nin’s journals that says some shit like “i dreamed you, i wished for you”
So cute sentiment but you ripped a book my dude? Cardinal sin
Grace is finally going to class
The cafeteria is goth as fuuuuck
The music is “creepy af”
Jaxon sits next to her in front of everyone
CH 27: 10 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to “the cool kid’s table”
He sits in the super ornate chair backwards and it makes her horny
The order is kind of ragging on jaxon about being cute to grace which is funny
We get all the dude’s names at one - raphael luca liam mickey?? I think
“A dark and devastating desperation” in his eyes
And then we got byron who’s more angsty than jaxon - “mad bad and dangerous to know” just like his namesake
CH 28: “to be or not to be is a question, not a pick-up line”
Jaxon walks her to class
Wanting him feels like opening a vein
“I love the way your hair smells”
“My heart is beating like a heavy metal drummer”
We were so close!!!!!!!!!
We’re doing hamlet in class ofc
The teacher says “although you look like the shy type despite your association with katmere’s most notorious student”
Instead of just saying the halls are like playing frogger she describes the old video game where you try to get the frog across the road...is it just people in the south that say playing frogger when describing crossing traffic? Or is this a well known phrase??
Apparently there’s hidden tunnels so flint takes her to them
Her intuition is like BITCH DON’T GO IN THE TUNNELS but she ignores it AGAIN
CH 29: with friends like these, everyone needs hard hats
There are beds with shackles?!?!?!?!
Leah shows up and turns out they’re going to the same class? But flint insists on walking her to class…
Leah and flint are NOT friendly
Damn she offends flint with a buffalo bill joke
There’s bones in the tunnels and a giant chandelier in the rotunda that’s also made of bones…
There’s an earthquake!
CH 30: you make the earth shake under my feet, and everywhere else too
And it stops as soon as they get out of the tunnel
Jaxon is there and being a dick to flint and grace has HAD it
CH 31: big girls don’t cry, unless they want to
Grace gets hit with a basketball in gym
All the order has been walking her to class because jaxon knew she was mad at him
Does jaxon cause the earthquakes somehow?
She finally reads the texts jaxon had sent and feels bad for being mad at him when he was just worried - no he acted like a dick. Be mad.
She’s making sooooo many excuses for his anger: the earthquake, the fact that he’s already rescued her before so of course he’s worried…
Aww a student is playing autumn leaves which was her dad’s favorite song :(
She starts to boo-hoo “grief is a wild thing within me”
Civil twilight AGAIN
Jaxon is standing there when she finally stops
CH 32: it’s not a coincidence that denali and denial use all the same letters
He opens the door in the alcove and it’s like a clubhouse? Oh it’s his dorm room???? Confusion
So it’s like the living room and NOW he’s leading her into his bedroom
She says she’s terrified of him touching her because of the intensity but then says she has no trepidations about doing or being anywhere with him...ya just said...nvm
They go out to the roof
CH 33: Madonna’s not the only one with a lucky star
Please decide if grace is a silly teen who doesn’t know what frogger is or an old soul who loves madonna pls
She asks if he’s an alien…
And she tells him he’s the hottest person ever and that his scar makes him sexy as hell and he's all like “me?!” which is a nice role reversal
This is his favorite place
And there's a meteor shower!!
CH 34: all’s fair in love and earthquakes
Thanks i hate this
When she touches him she realizes how cold he is and thinks it’s from being outside which makes him act all weird
Someone please just tell this girl what’s going on!!!!!!!!! I HATE when the reader is 8,000 steps ahead of the MC
“A craving in his eyes” WE’VE SAID THE TITLE FOLKS!
She makes the move to close the space and says she’s dazzled, GUYS
She’s making the MOVE! “Did you ever want something but you were scared of taking it?” “yes” “what did you do” “i took it anyway” and then he kisses her!!!!!!
The kiss is as soft as a snowflake, as delicate as the permafrost
Then “his mouth goes crazy on mine lips tongue teeth, it’s a cacophony of sensations, a riot of pleasure”
“My knees go weak at his tongue on mine, just like one of those heroines in a novel”
His hands are vices on my biceps...his hands were around her back at first which seems way more romantic than manhandling her arms??
There’s an earthquake...and jaxon is like you have to go
A window breaks and cuts her and then she blacks out????
CH 35: baked alaska is more than just a yummy dessert
Intimidating af is the nurse
The glass nicked her artery!!!!!! The FUCK. or did jaxon bite her?????
Her mom died like that… yikes on bikes
He fucking bit her...this is a lie...i’m calling it…
FINN ABOUT TO COME CLEAN!!!...but the nurse stops him.
Macy is an OG bff she is the best
Or is grace the one making shit happen??
Grace notices the sheets are fixed but that macy never went to the bed
Macy asked what they were doing when the earthquake hit...WHY
CH 36: no harm, all foul
Grace goes after Jaxon and he’s like “our kiss didn’t matter”
He says he put her in a lot of danger by being around her, a “target on her back” and wants her to stay away from him but he can’t pull himself away
But then he does
CH 37: don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the answer
Leah drops the bomb that she and Jaxon are expected to carry on like a family dynasty sitch since Hudson died
CH 38: nothing says “i like you” like a fang to the throat
She’s freaking out of course
Mickey says jaxon def didn’t bit her and she’s even more confused and me too
Jaxon is in the mountains...he wants her to wait but she’s pissed
“I take a deep breath and hold onto it with both hands” ….?????
Because i have to hear it out loud, “what did make these marks?”
Say it, out loud
CH 39: there’s never a hallucinogen around when you need one
She’s furious and she should be! I’m glad she’s not replying to Jaxon
We finally get to the bottom of it all!!!!!!
Macy admits Jaxon is a vampire
Leah is one too!!!!
Flint is a dragon!!!!! CALLED IT
He’s got fire? With a name like flint how could he not PUKE
“Who needs LSD when you go to monster high?” Shut UP
Macy is a witch DUH
“You should have been one too”
CH 40: be careful what you witch for
GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THIS TITLE
Grace’s dad was a warlock but he lost his power when he fell for grace’s mom...oh no was their accident like a magical mafia hit??
“What kind of witch are you if you can’t do something an 11 year old can?” “the kind that doesn’t come from JK Rowling’s brilliant imagination”...THAT aged poorly…
“This is a less bloody version of game of thrones” shut UP
The school nurse bit her because jaxon used his vampire venom to heal her cut, and it worked too well so she needed to cut through the healed skin with her vampire teeth
Because this is twilight satire so of course they have venom…
“So vampires can just override each other’s venom?”
Most of the vamps would have had a hard time not draining you dry, but not jaxon
I absolutely called it: witches, vampires, dragons, and werewolves confirmed.
CH 41: Vampires dragon and werewolves, oh my
This physically hurts
She’s kind of categorizing the students now that she knows which is totally something i would do
God almighty is flint just a jacob clone…
CH 42: good thing pancakes aren’t on today’s menu
The chandelier is falling onto her and someone pushes her out of the way - it’s jaxon!
His eyes smolder at her
She dresses his cut on his head and his arm
“I wouldn’t have had to save you if you were in your room where i told you to be” he grinds the last part out through clenched teeth
He finally lays it out that someone has been getting her hurt on purpose
CH 43: what doesn’t kill you still scares the hell out of you
Her uncle wants to talk to her before she sees jaxon again and i smell an info dump coming
Dangerous af
“Macy told me she spilled all the tea” said her UNCLE with no hint of like “is that what you kids say these days”. GTFO
“I wait for the other shoe to drop even though 100 have already fallen” that’s not how that idiom works
She’s like “how could he think i wouldn’t figure it out i knew something was wrong” no ma’am! No you didn’t!! You kept shrugging it off until chapter 24 at the EARLIEST when you settled on aliens
Getting the tea on the turf war between dragons and vampires - so it’s not like twilight because it’s not the werewolves. Whatever.
Uncle says it was probably some witch who got too loose with her powers and grace is like yeah no absolutely no one is trying to kill me it was yet ANOTHER freak accident
Uncle wants to sent her back to cali
CH 44: Sweet home alaska
So she doesn’t wanna go because of jaxon, not because her only family in the world is in Alaska….
It’s only been a WEEK
“I know jaxon can be...seductive” says her UNCLE
the guys in the order are born vampires, not made, it’s a v big deal
Info dump city re how vampirism is a genetic mutation…
There are 6 ancient families of vampires...this all sounds like the first draft of my new wip where I was trying to figure out how the secret society worked…
Then he says he’s not in the habit of talking students with other students….we just did...this whole chapter…
Another earthquake???
Ch 45: I always knew there was fire between us, I just didn’t know it was your breath
Dude shut up
She goes to the library and wonders if the books about vampires etc would be under non fiction or biology lmao
The librarian is a native Alaskan with elemental magic….yikes
She does a weird eye swirling “you’re more than you think you are” thing to grace
Flints in the library and she asks him about dragons and I swear to god if we get a chapter devoted to learning about each species via info dump I will burn this place to the ground
He singes the marshmallow with his fire breath, loves it
And he can breathe ice? He cools the water down
He can bloom flowers in his hand????
“They’re beautiful” “you’re beautiful” “but I’m not hitting on you??”
Because when I hit on you, it’ll be because you want me to!!!!! We Stan flint!!!
Ch 46: I’ll get you and your little dog too
Enough
Dry throat around flint now, oh shiiiiiii
Oh shit the order is on the move!! There’s trouble
She chases them into a classroom and sees jaxon making shit fly everywhere with just his mind...is he a vampire and a witch??
There’s a werewolf vampire brawl
Damn jaxon can freeze everyone with his mind!
She tries to stop him but he’s put up a barrier
She breaks through!!!!
And jaxon bites cole!!!!!!! ALMOST KILLS COLE!!!!!!!!!!!
“This is your only warning”
CH 47: the first bite is the deepest
Jaxon pulls grace away, this whole time grace’s inner monologue is her feeling responsible for the carnage
“I won’t hurt you” “I know” “you know? do you have a death wish?”
But jaxon is so disgusted at himself that she's just like “well did he deserve to almost be killed?” She has accepted this shit with sociopathic speed
“The power you wield...it’s unfathomable” sis has turned the corner
“You don’t scare me jaxon”
They flipped the script and she breaks down his defenses and it’s kind of hot ngl
She tells him she needs him and he bites her??????
Ch 48: is that a wooden stake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
They’re getting worse
But it’s not a hurting bite it’s like a sex bite…like she describes an orgasm basically..
Then they kiss
The earthquakes are jaxon! Called it
At this point I am sooooo annoyed because just make him a witch!!!! We really wanted the twilight combo so badly we made him a telekinetic earth-shaking vampire?????????
They go to his room...and she goes to his drum kit instead of his bed, you dumb bitch
Now they’re talking in the bed
The jokes are just so fucking bad
He cuts them off by pulling her on top of him and kissing her!!! In bed!!!! We ain’t in twilight no more henny
“The kiss curls my toes but the yank curls everything else” wut
“I don’t want you anywhere near that world, and I sure as hell don’t want that world anywhere near you” - someone. Anyone. Take a second pass
~~~
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anonymoustalks · 4 years
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I mean, not to be rude to other countries, but America is somehow one of the most free countries in the world. I believe this has a lot to do with the right to bear arms
(6-23-20) You both like politics.
You: hiyaa
Stranger: hi
Stranger: Where from?
You: us east
Stranger: California
You: mhm
You: anything you care about?
Stranger: Wdym?
You: oh, just things that you're interested in
You: what do you think of affirmative action? I think it's on your ballot in november?
Stranger: Instead of Affirmative action, I support a UBI for all citizens
You: okay
You: they're sort of different though haha
You: so for a yes/no ballot question, which would you be?
Stranger: I'd say no
You: okay
Stranger: How would you describe yourself politically?
You: moderate left
Stranger: Nice. I'm a Paleoconservative/civic nationalist
You: paleoconservative...?
Stranger: Yeah it means I'm a conservative but I think dinosaurs are cool
You: really?
Stranger: Jokes :)
You: >.>
Stranger: Paleoconservatism is basically fusionism with very little foregein intervention
You: fusionism?
Stranger: Fusionism is social conservatism combine with free market capitalism
You: I think it's interesting that you're fond of UBI even though you consider yourself paleoconservative
Stranger: Yeah, I can't really think of an exact label for myself. But I think UBI is the best form of social welfare
You: I thought paleoconservatives were opposed to most forms of social welfare
You: at least, that's what wikipedia seems to say
Stranger: Like I said, I don't fit into one exact label.
You: right
You: so what you do mean my civic nationalist?
Stranger: Maybe civic nationalist isn't the best word, but I'm definitely some kind of nationalist. I basically believe that members of a nation should share similar values.
You: mhm, I was googling wikipedia and it seems to mostly differentiate between ethnic vs. civic nationalism
You: so does that mean you differentiate yourself from the alt right with less of a focus on ethnicity?
Stranger: I'm definitely not an ethnic nationalist. I'm a brown immigrant living in America. And yes, I do differentiate from the alt right because I don't really care about ethnicity
You: right
You: so as an immigrant, you favor immigration restrictions?
Stranger: Yeah. I think some restrictions are necessary, because like I said members of a nation must share similar values.
You: mhm so it sounds like you care particularly about culture?
Stranger: WDYM?
You: mhm I guess to me it sounded like you were saying that members of a nation should have a similar culture?
You: or do you distinguish between values and culture?
Stranger: Not necessarily similar culture. Values are ideals you hold true regardless of your culture. A muslim from Dubai can immigrate here just as easily as a catholic from Italy, as long they share similar values to the nation.
You: mhm "similar values" being?
You: I feel like I've encountered people on omegle who would argue that islamic culture is incompatible with western values, for instance
Stranger: I would define values as ideals. Ideals such as the notion that every individual should be able to dictate their own lives free from governmental authouity (but neccesarly from social consequences) , ideals such as the ideals of justice and virtue
Stranger: And I don't think there is anything inherently in compatible about islam and the west
You: mhm, I just find it curious because I feel like I've encountered people with differing opinions about this subject
Stranger: there are a lot of different opinions on this subject for sure
Stranger: Pro-life or pro-choice?
You: pro-choice
You: so secretary of state mike pompeo is planning to issue a human rights panel that prioritizes freedom of religion over the other rights
Stranger: How? I'm not familiar with this
You: https://www.politico.com/story/2019/07/08/pompeo-panel-unalienable-rights-1400023
You: there was also a nytimes article
You: in a sense it's the US taking a stance that religious freedom is a "human right" in essence more important than the other ones
Stranger: So they're prioritizing the right to freedom of religion over LGBT and women's rights?
You: yes
You: there's criticism that this has broad repercussions internationally
Stranger: Good
You: because in a sense it runs in counter to the UN's definitions of "human rights"
Stranger: I'm bisexual, and I don't believe the government should have a say in what is marriage and what isn't
You: and would limit UN and other countries of criticizing nations like saudi arabia on women's rights
Stranger: That's a violation of free speech as well
You: what is a violation of free speech?
Stranger: Oh nvm. I thought you meant limiting citizen's rights to criticize those countries
Stranger: Still fucked up
You: I also don't believe governments should say what is marriage and what isn't
You: that said, many places have laws explicitly banning homosexual marriage
You: so imo that's sort of like governments trying to have a say
Stranger: That's true. My point is they shouldn't
You: what was your position on abortion?
Stranger: I'm conflicted tbh
You: ah why?
Stranger: I understand that most women want to get an abortion for very legitimate reasons like not being able to afford to raise one, or being the victim of rape, ect. But I also don't think it's fair to take a life because of something it has no control over
You: at what point do you consider an embryo/fetus to be "living"?
You: because I mean, most pro-choice advocates obviously aren't in favor of infanticide
Stranger: At the point it can feel pain
You: so if you define it that way, I think you could prob be in favor of abortion in the first trimester
You: before the embryo develops major organs
Stranger: Yeah I guess that's fair
You: mhm I think most pro-choice advocates aren't so extreme to believe in abortion of full-term babies -- that's kind of a ridiculous position
You: rather I think many pro-life advocates are sort of against abortion as a principle
Stranger: Yeah obviously
You: I think I talked to someone who felt that the "potential" for life was sacred -- like even a single cell zygote after a sperm as fused with an egg
Stranger: I'm an agnostic, so I don't really consider anything to be sacred
You: yeah
You: or well, some people are spiritual enough to believe in souls too
You: and I think some people believe that the soul enters as soon as conception happens
Stranger: opinions on gun control?
You: pro, but I think it should be determined by state
You: I don't like the 2nd amendment lol
Stranger: MADATORY👏TRIGGER👏DISCIPLINE👏CLASSES👏IN👏HIGH👏SCHOOL
You: mhm what do you mean?
Stranger: I think that schools should be required to teach their students basic trigger discipline
You: what does that mean?
Stranger: Like how to handle a gun, different kinds of guns, how to avoid accidents, when to use it ect.
You: oh, but isn't that taught when you get a firearm permit?
Stranger: Make getting a permit mandatory is what I'm saying
You: oh, it's not mandatory?
You: well idk gun laws in other states
Stranger: No, not "If you want a gun you have to have a permit". I mean, "everyone should have a gun, so everyone must be required to get a permit at a certain age"
You: ohhh
You: why should everyone have a gun?
Stranger: Switzerland had a similar law, so it's not that crazy. People shouldn't be forced to get a gun, just a permit. I think firearms are important to protect us incase the government got too powerful, and obviously for people to defend themselves.
You: oh okay
You: I think this is the main "american" value that I don't personally believe very much in
Stranger: I think the second amendment is the second most important amendment, next to the first
Stranger: maybe even more important than the first
You: interesting...
You: I just don't really personally recognize it as a universal as a human right or anything
You: and only a small handful of countries in the world have a "right to bear arms" as a constitutional right
You: there's actually a wikipedia article on this
Stranger: I mean, not to be rude to other countries, but America is somehow one of the most free countries in the world. I believe this has a lot to do with the right to bear arms
You: hmm... I kind of contest that statement, in the sense that I think Canada and Australia are in many circumstances ahead of the US
Stranger: I don't know too much about those countries. Most countries are not in the west, and most eastern countries don't have nearly as much freedom
You: Well to quote wikipedia: "Constitutions which historically guaranteed a right to bear arms are those of Bolivia, Colombia, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Liberia, Mexico, Nicaragua and the United States of America."
Stranger: Interesting...
You: basically all other countries don't recognize gun rights as a constitutional right
Stranger: I'll have to look into this later
You: although many countries have laws pertaining how you can get a gun permit though
Stranger: One core American principle I oppose is the concept of democracy
You: hm what do you mean?
Stranger: I don't believe every citizen over certain age should be allowed the right to vote. I'm also a constitutional monarchist
You: ohhh
You: constitutional monarchist?
Stranger: Monarchy with a strict constitution to keep it from abusing it's power
You: ^^ I just had the funny thought that if you don't support democracy you ain't american, so based on your immigration ideas you shouldn't be allowed to immigrate (jkjk)
Stranger: Damn it, I can hear ICE at my door
You: idk, I like having a diversity of ideas
Stranger: Sure, but once you allow unrestricted immigration, your nation over time will loose the same values that made it so great
You: mhmm I believe the US has always being a melting pot
You: I'm still not always clear about what "values" btw
You: I feel like I hear many evangelicals worried about christian values for instance
You: but I think that is tinged through a religious lens
Stranger: True, I'm saying different ideas are bad, I'm saying certain principles must be shared by the citizens of the nation. The values I believe in are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiniess
You: mhm and you think there are immigrants who don't believe in that?
Stranger: Yes. Immigrants that do believe that absolutely should be able to immigrate here
You: it's interesting because I feel like many immigrants tend to lean relatively conservative
You: at least, more conservative than (white) progressive liberals
Stranger: Yeah, I've noticed that as well. Most people that have been rude to me on the basis of my sexuality or skin color have been immigrants
You: in either case, I do think many immigrants strongly supportive of capitalistic values, like right to property and not wanting much social welfare or taxes
You: at least, that's just based on what I think I've noticed
Stranger: yeah that's true as well
Stranger: what do you think of the LGBT community?
You: I'm fine with them
You: why?
Stranger: I support people being LGBT (I am one) but not the community
You: I think that's fine
Stranger: Yeah, I feel like stuff like pride month are only hurting the cause
You: mhm I feel like I had heard someone say something similar
You: although I think freedom of expression is important
Stranger: Of course it is, the government should have no right to ban pride parades and such, but I personally feel like it's harming the cause
You: I think many ppl have different ways of perceiving their own experience and things
Stranger: wdym>
Stranger: 8wdym?
Stranger: *wdym?
You: oh I mean, some people feel like it's beneficial and others thing it is not so
You: we live in a subjective world lol
You: although I think conservative lgbt folks I've talked to don't seem to like the idea of pride as much
You: I wonder if it's because they don't want to be seen as radical by their friends
Stranger: I mean people who oppose the LGBT community oppose it because they think it's not normal, or that we're trying to shove to down their face. Pride months and trying so hard to stand out on the basis of your sexuality or gender which you can't control, makes the people who already oppose it dislike it even more
You: mhm I understand what you're saying
Stranger: I think I have to go no. It was nice talking to you
You: alright have a good evening!
Stranger: you to!
Stranger has disconnected.
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Final Episode “Im pretty exhausted from this game anyways” (Aromal)
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So I've now officially reached my past best placement - 5th in Malaysia!! And with my Hidden Immunity Idol, I'm set to beat it, and make it to F4 where the Rites of Passage are. Making Rites of Passage is honestly always one of my BIG goals every time I play so FINALLY getting to reach that mark is absolutely HUGE. In other news, RTP called me out on his way out the door, but nobody really paid it any heed - maybe bc he pissed everybody off so much?? Anyways, I'm really set to make the end of this game even WITHOUT my HII. So now the real determinant is whether or not I win Individual Immunity again. If I do, I'll go with Aro and Luca's plan to ice Allie, convince Willow... but then give Allie the Idol, vote for Luca, and get his ass outta here, forcing Aro to need my vote at F4 and forcing a tie. Hopefully. Now that I'm thinking about it, there's nothing stopping Allie/Aro/Willow from icing ME at that point, but... if they did... nvm. I don't think that they would. If I'm not immune, the Idol is all mine, but who gets voted out I'm still undecided on. Is the pair of Allie and Willow really a threat when they want to get to the end with me, or when Willow's intended F3 is with myself and Aro? If that's the case, why lose Allie now and risk underdog Luca making the end and picking up easy votes like Jacob, Johnny, and RTP. Looking at FTC, I've got Dana and Matt on lock, and I really do think I could get Zak even against Aro. I might have a shot at Johnny, I think RTP will vote for me, Jacob and LA are question marks that I lean against me, and I'd say Lexi doesn't vote for me like... ever. This is gonna get so spicy and I can fucking taste the victory. It's SO DAMN CLOSE and I've worked SO DAMN HARD and I don't wanna get iced when it's right around the corner. Fuck. I need this. I fucking need this.
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With Ryan gone, the game is nearing the end. Right now it's me and Aromal trying to flip Willow onto Mitchell. Otherwise, we've lost this game.
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Maaaan Im so nervous for this tribal. Me and Luca are definitely voting for Mitchell but we have to be careful in trying to swing Allie or Willow otherwise this is going to blow up in our faces.
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It's been five or so days since our last tribal so everybody was getting stir crazy, but now it's all come to a head!! Willow won immunity, which was fine, bc the two targets were Allie and Luca. Now I'd harbored thoughts about making a #bigmove by making everyone vote for Allie and then Idoling her but... that's a reckless and unnecessary big move that paints me as an even bigger target than I know myself to be while also causing distrust among my peers. So Luca's gonna go home 4-1, I'm gonna use my Idol to guarantee myself F4 even though I won't receive a single vote, and then I'm one challenge win away from the FTC, where I'd like to think that I will win. At the F4, I'm set - I have a F3 with Aro and Willow that I intend to stick to, but I ALSO have a F3 with Allie and Willow, so should Allie win immunity I'll be DANCIN. I've worked to get to the point where everyone in the game likes me and trusts me, and zooweemama I can't believe I'm actually gonna win. I've come this close and convinced myself that it's my time, so if it's not, I'm gonna be heartbroken. I've put so much into this game and it's gonna all pay off, I just KNOW that it will. I wanna follow in the footsteps of Jenn and Jimmy who made FTC post-Malaysia, and I wanna join Kait and Jenn as Malaysia winners. It's gonna be my time. KNOW that - it's gonna be my time.
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I'm shitting myself. I'm terrified of what Mitchell's reaction is gonna be, Im terrified about him having a potential idol, I'm terrified of Willow(our swing vote)  snitching to him, FUCK Willow just messaged me saying she was really hesitant about voting Mitchell. I don't wanna push too hard but it has to be done otherwise I am going to get absolutely blasted at final tribal. I'm fairly confident about making it to final tribal, but I'm debating who I have a better chance with. I'm leaning towards taking Willow and Allie right now because Luca has the underdog thing going for him but ahh its so difficult. I just wanna get this season over withhh
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OH MY GOD THAT CHALLENGE WAS WILD! Half of the things didn't make sense, and I didn't know what I was doing 90% of the time, but I still somehow won immunity which is crazy! This literally means I'm guaranteed f4 which is crazy, like I never actually thought I would make it this far in my first org ever. Tonight I think pretty much everyone is gonna vote for Mitchell, which I guess is what I wanted, since he's my biggest threat. But I'm still sorta sad about it bc I love Mitchell, he's been one of my closest allies since the beginning of this game on nuMakira. I mean I need to do it to better myself in this game, bc I might actually have a shot at winning but idk I'm still kinda sad about it. I hope he can understand though and that we can be friends, but I have a feeling he might be sorta mad. I also think he might have an idol, bc he didn't really give me a direct answer and he lied about it last time, so I guess at this point I just need to hope he doesn't have an idol, or that he doesn't play it, bc if he does then I guess I'm screwed.  
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Why do I have a funny feeling I'm getting Bret Labelle'd out tonight? Mitchell is the biggest threat, Willow! Don't pull a Hannah
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i told them all after last tribal, "I hope y'all ready for shit to get messy bc my ass is winning final immunity challenge." and my ass DID. my ass did THAT. i have fucking made it to day 39. i'm not one to get emotional, but i've been playing ORGs for a few years now. not like other people, who always jump into them - i've done like one ORG every school year for a few years. this is my seventh total. and i made it to the end my very first one, back when I still played entirely over email, and lost to an inactive at the final tribal. and it's eaten away at me since. how could i work so hard and come so close just to fall short to that? but that was a different time and a different me, and i finally fucking did it again. 2nd, 11th, 9th, 5th, 12th, 5th... and now at least 3rd. I fucking made it here again and I can't believe it. Shout-out to Allie - I didn't think I had a shot once we got to the last stage. I was in so much pain and didn't know how much fight I had left in me but goddamn I pulled it off like i said i was gonna and now my ass can't be grassed and my ass in the final three i can't describe what this is like. i'm sure the org community can relate as a whole to wanting something so bad, and working so hard to make it happen, and now to have your chance, your shot, be actualized... it's incredible. it's a phenomenal feeling and i really hope i can now seal the deal and pull this shit off. it's not a guarantee. and hell, i still don't even know who i'm voting for. but i did it. i fucking DID THAT. mitchell kalabang fucking did that and all these fake killas don't know who the fuck they made the mistake of trying to ice. you can't ice fire and that's exactly why you don't dance with fire, bc ur ass is gonna get BURNED and mitchell kalabang is a fucking GOLDEN GOD
(later)
So after last tribal when they tried to ICE MY ASS i went around very boldly telling everyone that i was gonna win FIC and they better get their shit straightened out for when that happens. allie and i make a deal to vote out willow, i focus all my plans on winning, and then BAM surprise it fuckin HAPPENS and now i am left with a choice to make - do i vote out willow or do i vote out allie? and while i'm weighing this choice, willow for a stronger story should she be able to articulate it and allie for having what i perceive to be more friends and a stronger perception among the jurors, aro asks me to vote him off i say "...what" and he says that he doesn't want to be a FTC loser, and that he'll support me on the jury. he knows he's gonna lose and doesn't want to waste time on all the proceedings, so he'd rather help me win. and that sounds GREAT. that puts like 4 votes i expect on the jury - dana, matt, zak, and aro. if i can grab 1 more, i doubt willow/allie can grab all the other 5 - i win. and i'm like "...aro if u want this u got it bud" And then comes the hard part of convincing willow/allie to do it. have they really been #secretpairbewaring their way through this game? that's a possibility, but i think both of them rightfully perceive each other to be their biggest threat that they can vote for. we all know aro is going to lose. so with allie, it's easier - she says she didn't want to have to vote out willow anyways and is ok with voting out aro. and then miss willow tries hard to convince me to grass allie's ass anyways, so i strong-arm her a lil bit. say if i vote aro, and she and allie vote each other, she's playing russian roulette - aro either votes for her or allie, and if her gambit to ice allie works, that's fine and dandy... but there's a 50% chance she gets iced herself. thus, the only way to save herself is in doing what i want by voting out aro. and willow is understandably not fully in love with this plan, and she just asked me if i'm doing this to split jurors' votes between allie and herself. that's partially true - it's certainly a benefit. but willow is in no position to fight with me here, and she's particularly in no position to actually DO anything about it. sure, i know that aro is throwing his vote to allie, but SHE doesn't. as far as she knows, doing what i want guarantees herself a worst-case tie and a best-case F3 spot. if she does something else, she might vote herself out. she doesn't have a choice. winning FIC gives you so much fucking power and i genuinely believe that i can take any of these fools in the F3 so if they wanna be stupid and gamble with their lives then they can go right ahead and grass they own asses but y'all can't ice a golden fuckin god
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So I feel like Im pretty much done. Id rather get 4th than go through FTC and get like one vote. I tried my hardest to stop Mitchell but unfortunately it didnt work out. Oh well, Im pretty exhausted from this game anyways.
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Ahh so Mitchell winning the FIC wasn't the greatest scenario that could have happened but whatever. I'm a little dissapointed in myself that I accidentally talked but I can't go back now. Anyway I don't really have any shot at winning this game anymore So I guess I'm just gonna go with everyone else and vote out Aro tonight, even though Aro is the one with the least amount of chance of winning (imo). Mitchell is saying that he wants to vote out Aro this round bc he thinks he's some secret threat, and like yeah Aro has played an alright strategic game but I don't think he's made enough social connections. Anyway I think the real reason Mitchell wants Aro out this round is bc at FTC the people who are mad at Mitchell might split the votes between me and Allie. Anyway if Mitchell weren't here then I might have an okay shot at winning this game but now I don't. So congrats Mitchell Kalabang on winning Solomon Islands! Also since this is probably going to be my last confessional I just wanted to say that I had an amazing time playing this game! I've met a bunch of wonderful people and it was my first org ever and I plan on continuing to play more orgs!
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can't BELIEVE we're starting the FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL FJWRIUHDsnfiucrehdsnuifvhrenfsfchrd I worked so fuckin hard and so fuckin long and we're here. I I expect to get Dana, Matt, Zak, and Aro... that's 4/10. I just need to pull one more, which can prob come from RTP or Luca... and I don't think Willow/Allie are getting 5 votes so ! LA maybe, but Lex and Jacob are pretty much gone, and Johnny... who knows. But it's been a wild fuckin ride from food poisoning to 2 idol plays to 2 individual immunities to the final fuckin three. Hosts, miss willow, miss allie... it's been a wild ride. Good luck and good RIDDANCE
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FINAL 3!! I never thought I would make it this far, I know Im not gonna win but I had a blast thank you! 
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kyandice · 7 years
Text
CANDICE EDIT THIS UGLY SHIT WHEN U HAVE THE FUCKING TIME
this is an ugly unedited one it has been in my drafts for like 2 months already. so whatever i just posting it. ill edit it if i have the time. thins is is i actually edited half way and MY FUCKING COMPUTER FUCKING CRASHED SO I GAVE UP  and yeahhh ill just post this ugly unedited one and ill edit it again WITH PROPER ENGLISH WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. idk i just cqnt see stuff in my drafts i just havre to post it and yewah wtf.
this unedu=ited stuff is just me writing key poiunts about my day and not like urghhhhhhh i hate this commmmmm. normally i would describe more but i dont want it in my drafts anymore so ill edit it when im free OKAYYYY.
1/3 
Hahahahahah lmao this was the date when i got tgt with K 3 years ago.(omg i still rmb, but tbh its nth special i just rmb useless stuff pretty well)  Never wanted to date a guy again even i with crushes back in sec sch. but anyways, today i went to Sentosa w/ B and he seemed to really like the artificial fiels alot but it was like in the afternoon so it was still kinda hot and yeahhhh. Like it would be much nicer at night. There will be like alot of stars and fireworks too and it will be more windy and cooling idk but it will be nicer at night and i want to spend the night w/ B there again. Oh yeah anyways ystd B bought me the batgirl lego keychain and B told me that batgirl had sex with batman and im shoooked.
2/3 and like today we planned to go to his house anddd then go to parkway parade to some lego secret chambers shop. i went out early cuz my junior wanted to pass me her lego characs but she couldnt make it so i was alr at bishan so i just went to tpy and wait for bryan o wake and meet me so i called him at 11am but he woke up and shouted at me so i just like nvmmmm so i went to the library and went window shopping around tpy and i also went popular 1pm i didnt want to call him up but i was like ugh nvm and called him.. and yay he finaally woke up wna read tuesday with morrie, all the fifty shades of grey and in grey's pov n miss peregrine's home for peculiar children but we still went to parkway parade anyays and he asked me to watch letters from iwo jima so i watched it at night and bryan wanted to watch the breakup list on toggle but it kept playing ads and it just wouldnt play the video so b got alittle pissed 3/3 logan, training (our 8th movie)
4/3 finishing crocheting my first thinggg the bear thing shoud i give it to bryan would he want it so today b was vvvv kinda excited this video thing with ck and cez and im like vvv happy for him cuz he can do smthing he rlly likes with cool n funny ffriends. also he said that he didnt want us to go public at first cuz he was afraid that ppl might tease us he said he was afraid i might be ffrustrated but tbh i was hella frustaratred i dont see the point of hiding our rship but im glad werre like opene now and so at night i went to ikea and b messaged me but i was busyt walking and i didnt recieve his msg but i didnt like lock my phone so it was read. but like it was in my pockets and like my mom doesnt allow me to play my phine whenever im walking but yeah anyways b was angry hat i didnt reply him. we sorta quarreled awhile but we were kinda okay after that i guess. wtf sia today midnight i have to distribute stuff to the homeless ppl in bugis and i was wearing a short paanyts and my mom tied this weird looking scarf i swear i look like some carzy hobo youngster wtf.
5&6/3 sneaked out of house, slept over at his house and after that i went to tpy first while he showers, ate and went home early to pack for camp stuff wna stay over at his house again it was fun we tried to watch moanna but was kinda sleepy
7/3 day 1 of camp. slept with b outised tgt
8/3 day 2 of camp (-met javier and sihui -every camps i go i get very angry -shoulder, water balloon) larn cpr and aed the skit thing worst grp ever
9/3 day 3 of camp water activities we won
10/3 tkd training
11/3
-wtf nxt week go msia (wanted to go work) -quarreled with bteh. cuz i cant go out but he wants me to go out -yyour suffering defines you without it yore a void -japan and korea with bryan -my parents -i want more lego charac -money - i cant wait for tmr for ilighhtsss i want to take like alooot pictures tgt with bryannnn styled hair -nicole choo idk why im still so insecure like i know pretty clearly that im decent looking. decent looking enough to make friends, have a job and not get ostracised in society. and well if you arent good looking enough you'll be made fun off/ostracised in society and thats how humans work. and now everywhere you see are pretty girls and how can any girls feel not insecure. Okay, i have a flat and fat nose. i want to have a sharper and thinner nose like michelle. i have pretty small boobs and i want boobs like naomi. my shoulders are too wide from playing softball, i want a smaller width shoulders like grace. my tummy isnt flat i want a flat tummy. and thing is those are pretty famous girls in like sg and im not even talking abt kim kard or emma wats or like jennifer lawr. omg i dont even know where im going with this im just literally typing all my thoughts down. okay and the boys here???? they all follow those people and im pretty sure they compare them over the normal girls in sch. omg what am i even talking abt. i feel silly even typing this out. but okay if your beauty standards doesnt reach like the norm in society you srsly wouldnt have friends. unless youre realllll rich or your sense of humor is rlly rlly great.
12/3 didnt quarrel but we  were obv upset with each other it was a fun day tho when to see i lights took alot pictures ate llaollao no money
20/3 best s ever went home after it bteh gg aunts house today
his flight will be tmr 21/22 job interview got the job bryaan in flight abt cosplay how i dont have frinds
25/03 bryan found my private twitter accnt                                    bteh tole me abt a girl he liked when he was in korea idk if anyone realised but ive got a really really really bad habit. its weird really. but its a thing ive been doing since young and i never talked to anyone about it before. so actually, when im nervous, or stressed out, or just couldnt take my mind off smthing, i would like start peeling or plucking my nails. okay many people do this but, i ahve a weirder one andddd omg i think i will regret saying this. So actually, i pluck i my hair when im nervous, stressed out or just thinking abt smthing i cant ignore. so back in primary 4 i was doing this math practice paper and i couldnt do any those 6marks big problem sums and i was fking stressed out. and well my habit of plucking my own hair started really really young. and at P4 my mom saw me crying
26 toc competition firdst fight win second fight lose how i dont wna fight nationals cuz my weight cat all got national player lose my chance to win gold cant even get silver r came today
29/ power rangers
30 wanted to go coney island with rapheal and jill and bryan but it rained so we went to lan and gamed without jill bryan pushed me and i banged into someone in the end see museums some forest thing the ligths vvv pretyy
28/hotel
31/ hotel went to work after that talk about work made bryan that key chain clp diner and dance
1/4 learn bst bts for club crawl played boomberang didnt workkk aot is out!!!!!!
2/4 today i need to go mountbatten cc to practice my poomsae my poomsae lousy i dont think i can pass at first try anyways president of stf is milan quey idk if i spelt his name properly but yeah. before that ate yellow sub with B will nvr eat there again portion is small yet expensive and food isint so nice at all but since i get to eat with b im vvvv gladdd
3/4 today i went early to B's house. after that met up with madeline and shirlyn to watch boss baby and the movie was quite nice i thought i wouldnt like it and then we ate pepper lunch and omg osaka is a vvv small place like shirlyn went evrywhere i visited like a a year ago
4/4 AND I WOKE UP WITH BTEH lose his doibok and he couldnt find it my maid threathened to take a mail for my mom cuz she lazy walk and she wants me to do it but i was late
5/4 there was demo training we played table tennis for awhile and bteh is good at it, ok maybe its just that i suck at it but yea theres was fmo so we slacked at tg until demo tng started so at night he said hes tired but idk that he wanted to sleep soon and he was like stop it and i was like stop wat but he ttly just shut me off and then i got pissed cuz i would nvr do that to him
6/4 i had to meet herman but like after meeting him timetable i realised i forget to bring my wallet somethimes im torn in beteen like just not gg out with bteh cuz i have no money to eat or spend his money again he keeps saying its okay but its really not okay im just not comfortable like someone spending so much on me i owe money so he told me his specs broke ttly
One of the things dreams do for us is prepare us for worse case scenario. The dream that is closest to reality about a loved one leaving us prepares the mind for the pain that can be inflicted upon us. It creates a probability. That means it could happen, it means it’s a fear you have, and being such your mind protects your psyche in a way to allow you to feel the emotions of the event, even though the event never occurred.
13 reasons why felt like  th main charac like back in sec sch all i wanted was just to finish my olevels and go to poly so i can be a whole new person. someone who i wanted to be withouht anyone laughing at me
1au away from sol 1au measurement unit like light or smthing sol is latin from sun porbbaly it
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