#a writer and artist who is so Passionate about her story and characters

[gacha-incels]

“Arknights/Limbus Company/etc is obviously very political, why are these incels playing it?” Here’s a longer answer if you’re interested.

If you haven’t been watching gacha communities for the past decade this might be confusing to you, but these guys see the games as just apolitical stories with a majority or all-female cast being there to titillate the male viewer. They are for his consumption. It’s why in both eastern and western “gacha game” communities you can see them talking about how these games are better for having “beautiful” anime women versus the hideous hags of western media. I’ve seen so many people asking “how are incels playing a game with so many strong female characters?” They see them not as “strong female” characters but rather “eyecandy made for me”. tbh when it comes down to it I wouldn’t call any of the designs in these games absolutely groundbreaking for the anime genre they’re aiming for. Arknights even follows the standard “fully animal faced-guy” and the female equivalent “small featured anime animal girl with some fur”. This doesn’t mean the designs are bad or you’re foolish for enjoying them of course, there are a lot of fun ones. Anyway, you can see the same sentiment in the majority of anime communities as well. Like do you think that stereotype of an anime nerd who “loves 2D women but hates 3D women” means he’s a feminist because the 2D girl is still female?

To be frank, after some of the actions taken by these companies (ex. the firing of women for posting anything vaguely feminist) can you honestly say an “apolitical game with anime babes” is not the way the games are often enjoyed? The company Yostar who publishes Arknights in Korea literally wrote a statement saying the game is apolitical and calling feminism a dividing force. If the publisher can say something so flippantly like this just to appease their incel fanbase, how can the game be making any meaningful, hardline progressive political statements? I am of course not saying this renders any positive message you get from these games moot nor am I saying it’s impossible for the writers to be passionate about their work, I’m just relaying the thoughts of the incels/“gacha gamers” playing them because there seems to be confusion. What I’m writing here doesn’t mean the worst interpretation of these games are their defining interpretations. I’m trying to explain how the games that many people see as being antithetical to incel beliefs can have these same men as high-spending fans.

Gacha games are unique in the world of consumer media in their extremely close and constant relationship with the consumer. You have to not only love each character’s design (and sometimes story) but also be willing to drop serious gambling money to “buy” them every single month. It’s like merchandizing on steroids. I think the term “whale” has been watered down since younger kids have started playing, but these people spend thousands per patch. Over the years I’ve heard about multiple games like this being sustained by just a couple of high spenders. In 2018 there was even a western news article about a man who had spent $70k+ on FGO. The publisher can’t rock the boat too much to displease the consumer too many times without risking EoS. Every character design and story of a gacha game is affected by this FIRST while any artistic intent comes second.

A Korean woman who had lost her job due to similar “feminist hunting” tactics wrote an article describing the way these incel men think. I posted it here and part of it summarized: the men that play these games see themselves as buying and “owning” the female characters in gacha games, who are often dressed and presented to them in a highly sexualized manner and will obey their commands. In the same way they “own” these 2D women, they also want to own the thoughts of the real live female illustrators who work on the games. Therefore, if these women have expressed ideas that the male gamers find upsetting, they will be angry she doesn’t conform to what they want like the servile 2D girl and do everything to get her fired (this is where she mentions Limbus Company as the most recent example of this happening).

You can argue for some of these games, maybe the girls aren’t dressed super provocatively and give (you) shit instead of being a simpering doll, but in the end it’s not like they can physically walk away or stop speaking to you. For the “waifu” hunter guy it’s just a different type of anime girl to collect.

The stories in these games are generally not what gets targeted as much by incels. In gacha “gamer” communities, especially the Korean incel ones, their main concerns are: how revealing are the summer swimsuits? How many women work for the company designing characters? and related, Are the male characters designed for women or for men and do they “look gay”? If you search through this blog, you can see them directly speaking about these things in regards to their hatred of Genshin Impact and Star Rail. All of these have also been encapsulated in the original Limbus Company incel attack: they hated that the summer female character looked more “clothed” (wearing a skintight suit instead of a bikini) than the male summer character. They thought the collar necklace and open shirt on the male summer character meant he was “a slave” for the female viewers, so obviously it was designed by a woman. When they learned a man designed and illustrated those characters, they searched to find a female illustrator who worked in the game and went after her instead. These guys WERE FANS that played the game beforehand and didn’t think anything in the story was upsetting enough to attack the company about. They were familiar enough with the works of Project Moon to name their little group after an antagonizing force in one of PM’s previous (non-gacha) videogames. And Project Moon saw them as such a significant part of their gacha fanbase that they wrote an immediate apology and fired the artist. How do these actions in reality inform their fiction and the interpretation of it? Getting this out of the way, they were NOT in any danger, the “fans” were not clamoring to get in their offices or camping outside, they were let in and calmly had a meeting with some employees at the office. You can still find photos of them goofing around, the ridiculous write up they brought with them and a transcript of the conversation. This was not a “guy shows up at Mihoyo’s offices with a knife” situation. In the end it was a financial and moral loss for the studio with many new and longtime fans completely dropping the games and Limbus Company taking one of the biggest financial and D/MAU drops for a gacha I’ve ever seen. You can read more regarding the ramifications of this here, this post is already pretty long for this website anyway.

Again I’m not writing this to shame anyone who plays these games, loves their characters or enjoys their stories. I don’t really care either way, and I obviously find the genre interesting or else I wouldn’t have been monitoring it and the fans for a decade. I just want to shine a light on the thoughts of the more “incel” gamers that play some of these games since I have seen a lot of genuine confusion as to why they would play them. In the future my aim is to write a more in-depth post about these issues, their history and the way antifeminists think.

#Arknights #yostar #hypergryph #project moon #limbus company #Genshin impact #long post #korean incel #incel ideology #gacha #fate grand order #fgo

[annymation]

Reimagining the characters in Wish

(Part 1- Asha)

Hey guys! I don’t really know how to start this, but let’s just say that I… Didn’t like how Disney’s 100th anniversary movie turned out, like at all.

But I can tell there was a lot of unexplored potential beneath this story, that in my opinion felt overly simple and bare bones.

But if you love it, that’s awesome, more power to you, I wish I could’ve loved it too. And I don’t want to rewrite it to show I’m “better than the writers at Disney” because I’m definitely not lol, I have no experience in writing, and I’m sure they put a lot of passion into the project and I respect them for that. But this movie inspired me with ideas for a different story that I think is worth telling.

But I won’t start telling it today, instead, I'll start a series of blogs sharing my ideas for changes in the characters and their stories, after I get some feedback I will start posting more of the story itself.

If you’re interested, then come along!

Asha✨

Personality

- Asha is a 18 year old girl, with a passion for drawing and helping those around her, sometimes even worrying more about helping others than helping herself

- She’s like a big sister to her 7 friends, always being the voice of reason and acting responsible, but not in a bossy way, she’s actually very playful with them

- To the people of Rosas tho, she's seen as kind of a weirdo, for you see, she spends almost every time of the day drawing in her sketchbook

- She practices everyday to become a better artist, and the people of Rosas find this to be very peculiar, after all, why would you take so much effort to perfect a talent when you can simply wait to turn 18 and wish for the king to make you an amazing artist?

- Asha doesn’t mind these comments, although they have made her less willing to share her drawings with others that aren’t her 7 friends

- As the story progresses we see Asha flourish from a shy and introverted girl to a brave woman who after discovering a terrifying secret about the kingdom’s rulers, steps in and inspires others to join her and fight an evil sorcerer king and his alchemist wife (yes, I made Amaya an alchemist, more on that on part 2 when I talk about how I’d change Magnifico and Amaya)

- Some Disney characters that share similarities with her personality wise are: Belle, Tiana, Pocahontas and Esmeralda

Main Traits:

Calm and mature

Determined

Passionate about her interests (drawing, dancing, philosophy and stars)

Helpful and generous

Perceptive and always questioning things around her that no one pays attention to (like why do all the artists only paint the King and Queen?)

Playful

Compassionate

Backstory

Oooh boy I gave this poor girl so much angst, okay let’s go

Asha grew up with her grandfather, her parents both died in a fire when she was just a baby

(this isn’t just to fit the “haha Disney princess has no parents” cliche, there’s plot relevance in this “mysterious fire” that I’ll talk about later)

Growing up with her grandpa, he’d always support her dream to be an artist, like her mother, who was an art teacher

Her mother not only drew really well, but she also was able to create the illusion that her drawings could move, by flipping through the pages of her sketch books

In other words, her mom was an animator

Asha saw this technic her mom used as a form of magic, so she would often tell her grandpa she wanted to “Do magic just like my mom”

Her father was a philosopher (this was established in the actual movie but never explored haha whyyyy), who taught people that working hard to achieve your dreams is not only rewarding, but also essential, because it’s part of the human nature to persevere and fight for what we believe, even if we fail, even if it’s hard, just keep moving forward.

This philosophy may sound very “umm duh” for me and you since we all know and hear everywhere nothing in life comes for free… But that’s not the case in Rosas

In this rewrite the kingdom wasn’t created by Magnifico, but rather the kingdom has existed for many generations, being ruled by different kings before Magnifico who also granted wishes… but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The point is that the culture of just asking the king to give you or make you whatever you want to be has been in this kingdom’s culture since forever, so when Asha’s dad comes out saying “hey! Maybe we should stop just relying on the king to make our dreams come true, right?” He’s actually being quite a revolutionary… and sharing a very dangerous belief to other people…

At this point you might suspect what caused that “mysterious fire”

So, back to Asha, growing up with her grandpa, they shared a lot of happy memories together. Reading her father's books and her mother's art books helped Asha connect with them even tho she never had them in her life.

But as her grandfather grew older, he became senile.

Asha went from being taken care of by her grandpa to being the one who took care of him when she was still around 13 years old, and when she turned 15 her grandfather passed away of old age

Asha went on to live with her best friend Dahlia, the two became like sisters.

Though she managed to move on from the loss of her grandfather, she could never shake the feeling that he died without getting his wish granted... But she had no way to prove that, it was just a feeling

The wish granting system works different in my rewrite, instead of there being a public wish granting ceremony once a month, there would only be a public wish TAKING ceremony, that would work just like in the movie, you turn 18, you go give your wish to the king yada yada yada.

But the wish granting part would work like this: Almost every night the king would release the wishes up in the sky, they would float down like balloons to their respective owners while they sleep, and once they woke up in the morning they'd feel that their wishes were granted, for they would wake up changed.

With this method, there's no way of confirming if someone really got their wish granted or not, unless you went to ask the king.

Asha never did ask the king if he granted her grandfather's wish, but her grandfather would sometimes express how he wasn't feeling completely fulfilled in his life, he felt like there was something... missing.

This feeling of hollowness persisted in him until the very end, no matter how hard Asha tried to help her grandfather, she never knew him as his real self, because he gave part of his soul to the king, the most beautiful part of his soul, his wish.

Asha had no proof that her grandfather didn't get his wish granted, only a gut feeling.

But because of this, Asha wasn't that thrilled to give her own wish to king magnifico, knowing there was the possibility of it never being granted.

Not to mention she didn’t even know what to wish for, “I’m just 18 and you guys expect me to already know what’s my heart’s deepest desire? I’m still figuring that out, all I know is that I wanna draw”

Plus she wanted to follow her father's philosophy and achieve her wish on her own, eventually, when she figured out what her wish even was.

Asha never rebelled against the system tho, she wasn't a confrontational person. She just accepted the people of Rosas preferred to rely on the king's magic, but that just wasn't for her.

However, on her 18 birthday, when it was expected of her to give her wish to the king, she simply said she didn't have a wish, and even if she did she wouldn’t want to hand it over, she wanted to make it come true on her own. This lead to an argument with the king, and after a series of events (that I don't have time to summarize here, but you can find out about it on my rewrite) leads to her finding out a terrible truth about her kingdom. And that's how her story begins.

Design

- I’d keep these braid ornaments that Asha had in the concept art

- Since in my rewrite she’s not that invested in the kingdom of Rosas, I’d remove all the Kingdom of Rosas symbols that are present in her design (there are a LOT of them)

- I’d replace these Rosas insignia with more star and constellations themed symbols, to reflect how Asha believes that the stars are connected to people and they can guide us, just like how her father believed.

Final Thoughts

My intentions with these changes were to give Asha a strong emotional hook, and something that makes her feel relatable.

The emotional hook here is how she spent so much of her life taking care of her grandfather that she kinda never had time to worry about her own desires, that alone can be relatable to caregivers of elderly people that watch their grandparents or even their own parents lose themselves as time passes, and end up worrying more about the person they’re taking care of than themselves.

Asha has this internal emotional conflict where she feels she needs to constantly help others the same way she helped her grandfather, and one of the things she’ll learn as the story progresses is that it’s not selfish of her to want more for HERSELF.

Another thing that would be relatable about Asha is her passion for drawing, and how most people in Rosas would say she’s wasting her time practicing so much when she can just wait until she turns 18 and wish to be amazing at drawing.

She’d never stop believing that taking her time to improve on her talent and trying again and again was worth every second of her time, because let me tell ya folks, drawing is HARD, and animating like Asha’s mom did is even HARDER, it takes a whole lot of practice, and Asha was determined to keep trying.

She’d be much like Belle, remaining true to herself even tho those around her considered her odd, and very passionate about drawing just as much Belle was passionate about reading.

I also find it funny how Asha’s motivations are fairly down to earth, like in Disney movies you usually have:

I want to be free from these palace walls!

I want to explore the ocean!

I want to open a restaurant!

I want to find true love!

And then there’s Asha here like

“My life is fine, I just wanna chill and draw stuff”

And that’s it, but, in her environment where everyone is expected to have this great wish that they have to give to the king so he’ll make it a reality, she’s kinda the odd one out, and I love that. Would be a great subversion of the Disney formula.

Of course after she learns Magnifico and Amaya’s true intentions she gets a lot more agency and the desire to save her people, her “call for adventure” if you will.

But what are Magnifico and Amaya’s true intentions? Click here for part 2 and find out!

Thank You For Reading!

#disney wish #wish #reimagined #rewrite #disney #wish 2023 #wish asha #wish star #king magnifico #wish movie #wish disney #wish rambles #wish rewrite #Asha #long post #wishrewrite

[milliebobbyflay]

Okay so I've spent a while thinking about how to word my actual problem with homestuck 2, and the works that make up post-canon homestuck more broadly. I think a lot of people resort to nitpicking bits of awkward writing or art in some attempt to pinpoint a source to an underlying sort of hollow uncanniness, which is funny because homestuck's supposed golden age of acts 1-5 are themselves FAR more of a tonally inconsistent mess of odd character beats, jokes that don't always land, and janky looking art.

Homestuck 2 has been written and drawn by very talented and passionate artists from the beginning, I think the actual issue comes down to a mix between the general pitfalls of hiring fans and the particulars of hussie's outsider background and unorthodox writing style.

First is the issue of hiring fans in general; while it can seem like an easy shortcut to finding talented writers already familiar with the voice and story of the original work, you have to be very aware of how fan culture operates. Beyond the obvious pitfalls that fans are unlikely to approach the story from a detached perspective, there is the larger issue that past a certain point fandom becomes essentially self sustaining. Once a fandom has existed for a long enough period, its most avid members have likely spent FAR more time engaging with other fan works than they have with the original art object. Fandom and the art it produces are, in this way, a sort of a folk tradition; artists are imitating and responding to other artists, characters become archetypes through which to explore certain ideas and dynamics, and the values and tastes of the most prolific and influential fan artists become as inseparable from a participants mental image of the character as the original work itself.

For an example, the affected theatrical mannerisms and cruelty Vriska adopts while in her Mindfang persona have become inseparable from the popular view of the character. Despite the fact that it's heavily signposted as a sort of role playing performance from the jump and she's more or less dropped it by the back half of the comic, it was nevertheless how she had acted in the bulk of her scenes around the time the ur-texts of homestuck fandom were being written, and as so an understandable misread of a character became inscribed into the fandom canon, and by extension her characterization in Homestuck 2.

All of this is extrapolated by the sort of unorthdox, building-the-plane-while-flying-it manner in which Hussie's writing style developed.

Based on his commentary, I get the sense that Andrew is an incredibly clever and thoughtful writer who lacks the theory and vocabulary to precisely describe his process. He tends to communicate in sort of abstract metaphors which aim to bridge the gap in explaining the actual conscious process he uses to plot his stories, but the way he talks about technical nuts and bolts writing craft stuff gives me the impression that his approach is largely intuitive, bordering on unconscious. He's a lot better at describing how he writes than what he writes or why.

You can of course piece a lot this together—his approach to art draws from the tradition of videogame spritework, where the visuals exist as a utilitarian vehicle for conveying information first and a work of illustration only inasmuch is needed to serve the greater story. His character writing draws more from a synthesis of literary fiction, sitcom writing, and "making up a guy" style posting humor, where characters are defined more by their life experiences and underlying psychology than by their goals and values, but also seem to have largely been constructed backwards from a starting point of a funny or interesting manner of speaking. Importantly though, I don't get the sense that these were conscious decisions, just that to Hussie they seemed like the logical way to approach these tasks, and I don't really think he could outline them in a way that would actually help a new team of creators grok how to draw and write in a way that feels like homestuck. I also don't think Hussie could actually explain the psychology that undergirds his character writing, I think he was mostly just drawing on his own life experience and imagining how this sort of character might logically speak and act.

As a novelist, and Hussie is one, both your thought processes and the sum total of your worldview and life experience are just as important to your work as the actual conscious decisions you're making, and I think that where there are gaps in understanding, the new writers are filling in the gaps with both a more conventional approach to the creative process and over a decade of accumulated fanon, and I think that's why homestuck 2 never really rises above feeling like a very well-made fanfic to me?

#homestuck #homestuck meta #homestuck 2 #hom3stuck #homestuck^2 #loooooooongpost #vriska #vriska serket

[fazedlight]

I've got Kelly on the brain today (I blame luthordamnvers' post and sideguitar's post). There's a lot of good dialogue there, particularly on how she deserved more than to just be the therapist who got to talk about race one time - how she deserved better dynamics with all the superfriends and for her story to be a real thread on the show.

I think it's easy to see how she and Lena could've gotten along, in that Azie and Katie seemed to have really good chemistry, and I think that would translate well with their on-screen friendship (had the writers given them time to do so).

But also...

Okay, bear with me.

I'm not sure how many of you watched Bones. To the left is Angela, a passionate artist who somehow ends up in a group of forensics specialists and an FBI agent to solve murders. She has a great understanding of human behavior and psychology, and often brings a sort of real-world understanding to the group. She's also probably the most open-minded of them.

To the right is Bones - aka Temperance Brennan - an extremely intelligent and autistic-coded forensic anthropologist who is extremely good at reading bones. But though she's a genius, she's often clueless about human interaction.

I think it would've been neat to see Kelly and Brainy have this sort of dynamic. They might not be BFFs like Angela and Bones are, but having them develop a friendship while being polar opposites in certain ways could've been neat. It's the sort of dynamic that can be played for laughs, or that could be used for character development for either (often both) side(s).

TV has a lot of odd heartwarming friendships. Think Spike and Joyce from Buffy. Or even Stein and Jax from LoT. Or everyone from The Good Place. They're not the intuitive things people expect - but when done right, they can work really well, and I think Kelly and Brainy could've had a dynamic like that.

#this is very out of left field but I stand by it #kelly olsen #brainy #mel stuff

[angellic-critique]

Honestly my biggest fear is to end up writing my characters the same way vivzie does, I feel like she doesn't even try on certain characters(female characters and literally any other that isn't her "uwu baby boi must be protected at all costs" characters like stolas, angel dust). Like imagine completely missing the point of your own character/srs

to everyone pre-release worries and anxieties just as much as I have-- Please take this time to read or explore different interests of books or authors of subjects and genres you like ! In the era of internet where the golden age of information is rusting into brainrot, the less time online anymore the better. I've been taking javascript/python tutorials for myself attempting to make a dating simulator for literal years at this point and its bounced around to the point of where I branched off to develop my own murder mystery 2-d sidescroller !

I wish for this to be a farewell letter to the crushed hopes and dreams I had for the original hazbin pilot and crew has moved on to other things whereas viv attempted to spitefully keep a story she clearly doesn't have any passion over- it is very evident over her lack of care for her own characters purely for the monetary gains of attempting and sadly wriggling her way into industry the way she did is so abhorrent to the world of genuine art and animation I grew up with.

Has Vivzie ever read a Felix the Cat comic strip or Dilbert even Hägar The Horrible? Does she even know about the history and strive of depth that animation has been at for hundreds of years? Does she even like comics, clearly not if she doesn't even have the patience to write her own and horribly rush whichever story she's interested in that day. I've never seen a careless writer be this selfishly unashamed to write literal garbage and surface level 'intrigue' of design and then falling flat face first at EVERY step. Hope she becomes as unbearable of a director as John K. is because honestly even though I'm cringing making that comparison, it's pretty fair in my book considering the outright ABUSE she has always trying to talk or hoard artists into her 'pet project' I recommend above anything else to watch Dan Stamanolous' 'Moral Orel' if you want an actually funny dark comedy or Christy Karacas' fast paced dark horror comic-come-to-life Superjail! for good animattion that doesn't belittle its audience... *[Trigger Warnings for Adult Swim-esque outdated 2007 humor and light transphobia, read for your own triggers if you dont want to though, please!]

The fact that Stollitz is written so flimsily like a wattpad fanficiton of tropes rolled into one is astounding to me, I used to like the dynamic pre-season 2 as I've mentioned on here and @tired-hellowl so I really don't want to get a headache going into how I USED to like it-Realizing the problematic consent issues all of STOLASS is, I physically cannot watch another Helluva or Hazbin promo anymore without rolling my eyes into the back of my head.

To the anons and people who used to also enjoy vivs work, there are other artists and there are other stories to tell. If you wish to be inspired from Dante's Inferno/Hell or WESTERN CHRISTIAN BASED RELIGION keep in mind what source material you're doing because I don't even think vivzie has picked up the bible once in her life.... And I say this as a drifter in the world who believes in reincarnation I don't really vibe with the athiest stereotypes however, I don't believe in most religion but more power to people that do get hope and love from their teachings and cultures.

She entirely missed the mark for several years, nearly a decade. Viv has had time and time again chance and opportunity to give a chance of storytelling with demons and what does she do? Adult Cartoon that has the demons scream 'FUCK SHIT DAMNIT DAMNIT LOOK IM SO HORNY AND SILLY AND WACKY WOAHH THE SCREEN IS CONSTANTLY MOVING YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A SECOND TO BREATH IN ANY AMOUNT OF WORLBUILDING OR SETTING BECAUSE FUCK. YOU.'--

I have said this time and time again- there is no substance or worth about Helluva Bosses or Hazbins writing, even without the show not being released because Amazon seems ashamed about it, I know it'll be a shitshow.

Honestly at this point I agree with the redesign community, take any character you used to like and rewrite them until it's unrecognizable from the original source material, let those fuckers in space fight alien pirates or hell take them out of the heaven and hell trope and just flip it on it's head entirely out of earth or wherever you want to set your story! I'm personally redesigning angel to be a slight aid to my addiction help via rewriting him into my murder mystery heheh while keeping the sexual abuse and recovery in mind because woah that shit happened to me too man !!!

I wish the best to any future writers, animators, programmers, lovers of animation or art, you can do what you put your mind and hands to! Spread more positivity and love then hate in this world please guys, this'll be the last time I pop in I promise I'm trying to get a better job and hopefully get accepted in a community college that i've been on the fence over trying to do more online coding ! The sky is the limit!<3

#anti vivziepop #trash askbox #helluva critical #i dont want to be mean in the tags and overtag like i usually do #however #vivziepop critical #please stop supporting spindlehorse #please stop supporting vivziepop #anti helluva boss #genuine art criticism #genuine art tip box #<3 signing off #!!! <3 #my.silley.art

[that-ari-blogger]

Genuinely Impressive (Light Spinner)

The term "humanise" refers to a kind of anthropomorphising. To humanise is to give a thing human qualities like speech or pseudo-complex thought. For example, the transformers are humanised vehicles.

In a weird way, this is how humanisation in literature works. It is the practice of taking a fictional character, thing that is very much not a real human being, and giving them the complexity befitting a human.

Unfortunately, there is a pitfall to this practice. When writers try to humanise their characters, there is a tendency for these writers to accidentally redeem their characters in the process.

Disney's Maleficent and Cruella had a problem with this. While the later got retconned from megalomaniacal to empathetic, diminishing her villainy in the process, the former got turned into a full blown hero, a decision that I... actually liked.

She Ra and The Princesses of Power, however, truly excels at humanisation, and nowhere is this more apparent than in Light Spinner.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (She Ra and the Princesses Of Power)

I want to prefix all of this with the fact that humanisation to any degree is a really difficult writing skill. The idea is to engineer understanding, instead of empathy, and that is a deceptively hard balance to strike.

Making a character empathetic is easy, but it's a different skill entirely to know how much of that to do, and when.

In short, artists deserve credit for the tiny acts of brilliance just as much as for their feats of awe inspiring grandeur.

One thing that I noticed about this episode is that, to me at least, Light Spinner and Shadow Weaver are different people. Obviously they are the same individual, and there is some clear overlap between the two, but they feel like two different characters. As in, there are certain things that Light Spinner says that Shadow Weaver would never say, and vice versa.

This boils down to the idea of a character's centre. I have mentioned this before, but every character has a single element that is immutable about themselves, the thing that makes them who they are. If you would be to slowly change everything about this character, but leave this one element, they would still be the original person.

I think the difference between Light Spinner and Shadow Weaver is this centre. Shadow Weaver is cruel, and selfish, but Light Spinner strikes me as more ambitious and calculating. Obviously, there are shades of all of these in both characters, but these are the elements that are the most important to each person.

There is actually a moment in the episode where the characters switch, where Light Spinner is killed and Shadow Weaver remains, and that is in the ritual room. But to understand that, you need to understand the events leading up to it.

So, who is Light Spinner, and what elements of that are carried over into Shadow Weaver? Well, Light Spinner is ambitious, reckless, righteous, and... kind? I don't think kind is the right word, but maternal feels like a bridge too far.

Motivations are complex. Often, actions are performed for a multitude of reasons. My main reason for writing this blog, for example, is because I love She-Ra and stories like it. But I am also doing this because I need an outlet for creativity, and because I want to develop my own understanding of the writing craft. Complexity.

Light Spinner's dynamic with Micah is one of teacher and student, but there is obviously some affection there. Light Hope is amused by his antics, and pushes him to do better because she knows he can. She fuels his passion and it is clear he has a trust for her and feels safe in her presence.

However, there is also some of that ambition there. Light Spinner is written in this episode as a limit pusher who wants to do more and gain more power. It's heavily implied in this episode that she is using Micah for her own ends.

"You have incredible power. And I'm the one who will mould that power."

So, we can add megalomania to Light Spinner's list of attributes as well.

On a side note, the oracle spell things have some of the best camera placement and shot composition in the entire series. So whomever is in charge of that in universe is the most skilled cinematographer on the planet.

I want to point out Light Spinner's motivation here. She wants to protect Etheria from the Horde. This is partly why I think she and Shadow Weaver are so different, because Light Spinner would never switch sides like she does, because she wants to save the world.

"Norwyn and those fools don't care about magic, they just want to hold the rest of us back."

Forgive me, but that wasn't the point of the spell. That wasn't a discussion about magic, it was a discussion about people's lives. Light Spinner has taken the complete opposite memo as everybody else.

This is where the megalomania fits in. Because Light Spinner wants to be in command, she wants to be a hero, and she wants control, as well as saving Etheria. The shift in character comes when that ambition supersedes her more benevolent motivations.

Can we please take a moment to acknowledge how incredible this shot is. Light Hope is framed against the oracle spell, backlit and viewed from below like she's a ruler speaking from on high. The circle around her head mirrors the halo around the heads of saints found in stained glass windows. Light Hope views herself as a messiah figure.

But look at what that halo is showing. Light Hope is divinely surrounded by death and destruction, and the loss of the black garnet. Even now, Light Hope's greatest weapon is her radius of fear.

I also think props need to be given to this shot, with all of its complete lack of subtlety. Light Hope seeks power, and she seeks the spell as an means of achieving that, so the spell covers her eyes, blinding her to reality.

"We need this power. It's the only way to protect our people."

Here's a question: Is this the only way? Light Spinner certainly tells us that, but we haven't seen any other ideas. The guild was meeting to decide what to do, and Light Spinner interrupted it, then stormed out. So maybe they decided on something better and safer.

She-Ra has another "it's the only way" decision, later on in the series, that being the planet destroyer that the first ones set up. Shadow Weaver jumps on that idea as well, but its notable that in both cases, there actually is another way to defeat the horde, and it didn't compromise the morals or physical wellbeing of its participants.

The golden rule in storytelling is "Show, don't tell", and this is a case for why I disagree with it. Showing an audience something makes them believe it, telling them something makes them skeptical. If you keep telling an audience something, but never actually show it, you can end up with a distrust for the narrator, and that is used very intentionally here.

Light Spinner tells the audience over and over again how good this will be, but we never see that good. We actually see the opposite.

Consider this: The Horde, over the next however many years, makes very little ground, and that is mostly due to Shadow Weaver's assistance. So maybe if she did the princesses, or if she hadn't absolutely shredded the mages of Mystacor, things could have gone better.

Which leads into the final domino that is set up for Light Spinner to change. Trust.

The mages of Mystacor do not trust Light Spinner's judgement, which leads to her believing her actions are futile for getting the admiration and respect that she "deserves".

Enter the Spell of Obtainment. And as a general rule, if you are in a fantasy story and you start conjuring something with too many arms and eyes, you are probably doing something wrong.

Also, this guy is dead, ponked into non-existence. A man dies, on camera, in a children's cartoon.

It is important to understand that this is a memory, and so the narrator is unreliable. From that perspective, Light Spinner was betrayed by Micah, and by the guild masters, and it got her killed.

But let's also look at what the spell would have done. Light Spinner insists that it would win the war, but doesn't reveal its actual capabilities. I think, judging from what the failure did, it would have focused power in on a single individual or two.

I think Light Spinner's idea of the ultimate spell was one that bolstered her abilities and made her into a super soldier.

So, Light Spinner died because of her megalomania and ambition. She wanted to be the one to save the world, and it cost her. People backed away because she pushed them too far, and she can't see that.

The person that emerges from the cosmic horror bubble is Shadow Weaver, and the first thing she does is kill someone, then bail and switch sides. The power is now more important to her than what she wanted to use it for.

The final scene of the flashback is the adoption of Adora, and it does a few things. First up, Adora gets thrown into Shadow Weaver's care against the latter's will, and one of Shadow Weaver's first lines in the entire series is this:

"I saw talent in you the moment I found you as an orphan child and took you in."

So... that was a lie, wasn't it?

But the scene also shows a hint of Light Spinner peeking through, because I think there is something maternal there, and it is entirely separate from kindness.

One of the theses of She-Ra is that there is a bit of good, however small, in everyone. And the point of this episode is that Shadow Weaver once had it, and may still have it, but has made the choice to do evil. Villainy is very much a decision in this world, you don't get born into one side, you make your own choice.

That's something that keeps coming up, especially with Catra.

Speaking of whom, there is a reason I have separated Light Spinner from Shadow Weaver.

"You remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and the others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"

There is some narrative parallelism going on in this episode, but it is specifically not between Catra and Shadow Weaver, but Catra and Light Spinner.

Both characters are seeking respect, and find that taken out from under them, and both push their closest friends away. The stories are extremely similar, but there are two things to dispute about this idea.

First up, Shadow Weaver is doing some heavy projecting here. Once again, this is her memory, so the narration should be taken with a grain of sand. She was also trying to do something forbidden, while Catra is trying to follow orders to the best of her ability.

Second, Light Hope wasn't abused by the mages of Mystacor. Well, I guess she could have been, but it isn't even implied that this is the case, so do with that what you will.

I think Catra puts it best:

"I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?"

She-Ra as a whole does not shy away from discussion of the cycle of violence, and it is worth noting that Shadow Weaver perceives injustice directed at herself, and believes it is perfectly reasonable to take that out on a child. Yes, Hordak did probably use that anti-oxygen device on Shadow Weaver at some point, but she then made the decision to use that anger to bully a child.

Shadow Weaver's treatment of Catra in this episode is pure manipulation. There are hints of that maternal element, but they are being used to lull Catra into a false sense of security. She is falsely giving Catra affection to service her own needs. Notably, through the use of her touch, Shadow Weaver exhibits control over Catra's emotions.

AJ Michalka needs so much more credit than she has for her voice acting than she has received, especially in this episode. Catra's increasingly frantic pleas are so incredibly well realised, and the last scene of the empty jail cell is carried entirely by her acting.

This episode adds a ton of ambiguity to Shadow Weaver, as well as providing depth to her character. But it makes one thing abundantly clear:

As justified as you think your methods are, you are still responsible for the actions of cruelty that you chose to take.

Catra is close enough to Light Hope for the end result to be reasonably likely. Shadow Weaver is what Catra will become, if she does not stray from the path she currently walks.

That's why Catra's redemption arc is so compelling to me, because we know what is at stake. We know where that path leads.

Old. Bitter. Weak.

Final Thoughts

This episode is a technical masterpiece. The first rule of literary analysis is "don't compare a story to food or architecture", but I'm going to do that anyway.

The rest of She-Ra has a habit of prioritising the big spectacles and feats of brilliance. Each episode is a fully made cathedral with stained glass windows and a mosaic ceiling. This episode isn't that it's an incredibly well-designed fountain in a park, dedicated to an old friend. It is emotional and heart-felt, and mechanically superb.

Next week, I will be analysing Reunion, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #character analysis #what's so special about...? #she ra catra #she ra shadow weaver #spop #she ra #she ra spop #she ra and the princesses of power #she ra princess of power #shadow weaver #catra #mermista can do no wrong

[romanceclub-lovers]

Romance Club week festivities with interviews from our favorite authors, technical designers, artists and the boss Vlad...

📣Stay tuned upcoming interview with Arina (Theodora & W: Time Catcher) and the boss project manager Vlad...

First we'll start with Wincy Wong author of Heart of Trespia and Soulless

Greetings, dear Wincy! Today your favorite Romance Club turns 6 years old, and you are already celebrating your 3rd birthday with us. How are you feeling on this beautiful day?

Answer: Happy 6th Birthday! I can't believe I've been working at the Romance Club for 3 years and writing my second story! I am truly grateful for the passion and love with which you support us and our stories! Thank you for making our community so special!

We would like to ask you some interesting questions :)

1. How do you approach creating technical specifications for cut-scene artists? How do you decide where and when a cut scene is needed? Do you immediately imagine what you want to see or do you first look for a picture?

A: I think the ideal time for a cutscene is when a costly choice is being made, but sometimes I favor my favorite moments in updates.

2. What century would you like to find yourself in if you were the heroine of a visual novel and in what setting and genre?

Answer: This is a difficult question. From a writer's perspective, I love them all, just as I love writing fantasy, but I wouldn't want to live in a historical period with tyrant rulers and no flush toilets. Although, if I really had to choose, I would choose the Tang Dynasty during the reign of Emperor Taizong.

3. Has there ever been a time when you wanted to write a scene and the character took you down a completely different path, refusing to give in to the original idea?

Answer: Several times. The first one that comes to mind is Christina, Reinhold's childhood friend. I planned for her to be much more jealous, but when I got to this scene, I felt sorry for her because Reinhold would never reciprocate her feelings. So I abandoned the idea of her conspiring with her mother, instead placing all the blame for Ellaire's poisoning on the evil old witch.

4. Were there any scenes in Heart of Trespia that never made it into the plot for a variety of reasons? If there are any, could you briefly tell us about it?

A: There weren't many possible scenes included in the story, mostly due to character development or new plot twists that changed the course of the story. I can say that there is a secret ending for Wyatt, which I planned for a long time, but in the end it turned out to be inaccessible to the players. There's even a sketch of a diary. This ending requires Wyatt to go through a bad breakup with Ellaire, but there are enough improvements with him that he is able to survive the war. It seems to me that no one has yet managed to unlock this ending.

5. Knowing your approach to developing stories, you probably have drawn a map and thought out the political structure of the world, the types of magic used in it. Could you tell us more about the world order in Soulless?

Answer: “Soulless”, unlike “Heart of Trespia”, is an ordinary fantasy. Silverport is a fictional city based on Chicago. Besides adding some real world elements, much of the lore of this story is centered on supernatural elements such as Vincent's magic, the powers of various demons, etc. In terms of hierarchy, I'd say Trexio/Trexia is what you'd call the "supreme" demonic presence in Silverport, and Vincent acts as an accompanying force that is more like the administrative authorities in our world, maintaining order and not truly interfering in our daily lives unless we give them a reason to. The Vixaria, after all, is just “one of us” trying to navigate a fast-paced world with no major strings attached other than not killing people.

6. Who proposed the idea of introducing such new features into “Soulless” as choosing love preferences, stat tips, different descriptions of romantic scenes - you or the management?

Answer: Including selection hints was the team's idea. I suggested other ideas, and we worked together to implement them. I've been wanting "thought clouds" ever since I wrote ST! You have no idea how excited I am to finally see all those cute little clouds showing off Vixaria's evil thoughts with her smug grin.

7. Surely many will be interested to know, including us, how long in the story of “Soulless” it will be possible to carry on parallel love lines? And will this affect the relationship with the finally chosen character in the future?

Answer: Honestly, I don't have a definitive answer to this question right now, but I think you won't have to choose until at least the middle of the second season. Until then, I'll try not to punish players for exploring different paths, but I can't promise anything just yet.

✅Favorites in full size/Characters in full size:

8. Finally, what would you wish to the Romance Club team on this day?

Answer: I wish that the Romance Club continues to expand throughout the world! Our stories are too beautiful not to be known in all corners of the world.

Thank you for your time! We congratulate you and your entire YSI team on the birthday of your favorite application! And we wish you all inspiration, stunning ideas and prosperity.

Wincy also shared with us the sketch and Wyatt’s original version. Wincy also shared with us a sketch and the initial version of Wyatt.

Source: Wincy's fantasy world | Soulless | ST | RC

#romance club #romance club game #rc writers #rc soulless #rc theodora

[pesterquestrewritten]

Sorry if this is an inappropriate question to ask, but why do you want to rewrite pesterquest? Was there anything wrong with its original version, or are you just doing this for fun?

brain is a Lil Loopy rn so please excuse if this answer is semi incoherent - recovering from ankle surgery rn.

im gonna try to not harp on the original pesterquest as a project/talk about my percieved issues with it. from what I understand about the work environment where it was developed, it was hell -- poor communication, tiny budgets, little overall direction. plus every artist/writer involved was likely busy with other things at the same time (for example finishing the development of Hiveswap Act 2). they had so much going against them, and... it sorts shows in the final work, which isn't their fault. the original PQ team was passionate and cared and like. the absolutely last thing i want to do is disrespect them.

(generally also stating for the record that calling the original PQ "trash" or "replaced" is like. not good vibes. please don't do this if you're trying to enjoy PQR -- the last thing the original postcanon team needs is more harassment.)

anyway.

pqr is fanfiction, fundamentally.

i started making pqr because in september i was sick with covid, i wanted to learn renpy, and i wanted to study homestuck more. i wanted to figure out what made PQ tick, literally, figuratively, all of the above.

plus i really wanted to write a different story arc for mspar.

i also really love the side characters in Homestuck, and wish they all got more time to shine. the pqr prologue including a set of Spades Slick sprites just for a brief encounter i think helps establish what i want to do with the like. raw potential of the premise of a Homestuck visual novel.

damara is the other big thing -- i've wanted to make a story with her in it work for ages. (if anyone remembers the old MEGIDO hades mod, that was my first big public attempt. she was gonna be the protagonist, breaking out of scratch's mansion. turns out coding in renpy is WAY easier LMAO)

like. the plan wasn't even initially to have the prologue be a full damara route? i just let the writing take me where it wanted to take me. it's been deeply fun and cathartic.

the prologue's "bad end" has some incredibly intimate themes of like. inevitability, and worrying you've let everyone you love down, and i showed it to a college friend who i hadn't spoken to for ages and she set a screenshot from it as her background.

like. to me. that's pqr. that's why i make it.

pqr is the laundry room ending of rose's route, a deeply personal look into my own fears and anxieties as an author reflected back through this girl's circumstances. pqr is also the retcon ending of rose's route, a wildly stupid and indulgent romp through my own past fanfiction for a silly gag that people seemed to really love.

pqr is about dave and myself looking for a place to stay simultaneously -- pqr is about jade leaving prospit, and how i was adding to that part of the game in real-time as i dropped out of college, changing both of our destinies to something unexpected but hopefully better, at the same time.

pqr is also a silly extended sleepover scene. it's just fun to see them interact.

pqr is an excuse to turn over corners of homestuck and see if we can't peek behind them. what was it like for roxy, to think she lost joey and then find rose's meteor barely a year later? of course she'd think it's impossible for her to succeed as a mother. pqr is about finding empathy for yourself for your own mistakes, reflected back at you through homestuck characters.

because really, isn't that what we're all here for?

pqr is me coming back to my last long-abandoned attempt at an act 5 rewrite. pqr is an excuse to watch my girlfriend grow in confidence and style as she makes all the endcards and incidental art (except for joey route pt 2, but THAT was an excuse to work with a NEW friend!!!!!!!)

pqr is a friendship simulator that i am winning by having an incredibly supportive and collaborative group of friends in the dev thread who are cheering me on with every segment of text i post, friends who will hop in vc to check out the newest segment. friends like @dare0451 who literally yesterday rendered out some new audio to upgrade the June route to be even more fucking amazing and terrifying than it already was, AND DARE HASN'T EVEN PLAYED IT????? IT'S LITERALLY JUST. IT'S FRIENDSHIP MAN. PQR IS FRIENDSHIP

what the hell was this question again.

oh right.

yeah it's been fun basically. that's why i do it lol

#pesterquest rewritten #pqr #homestuck #fansim #hom3stuck #asksbox

[zeravmeta]

long winded whining underneath

saw that post abt the saberfaces and like while I can understand the point in like, a billion dollar company reusing a design/design element might not appear favorable and it isn't even that wrong to say they are squeezing their cash cow flagship character i fundamentally disagree because thats like the equivalent of complaining about jojo having every protagonist with a name that can be shortened to jojo or final fantasy always having reused monsters like bahamut

and this isnt even a "oh saber is good i swear!" type thing but like. fate's been around for almost two decades now and has had tons of media made with plenty of recurring motifs and thematics that are acknowledged by the writers who are incredibly vocal fans of the series so if you're going into a long established franchise and complaining about long standing injokes and long standing patterns it comes across less as poining out the flaws in a billion dollar company and more like you just dont like that you didnt get it at first? takeuchi samefaceness isnt a problem unique to takeuchi and there are thousands of artists who have the same issue and even then a bunch of the saberfaces werent even drawn by takeuchi at first (nero was wada and jeanne & mordred was konoe) so them playing off the saberface jokes with designs isnt even that agregious because even if they have similar colors you'd have to be reading it in bad faith to say that the fgo artoria and fgo jeannes takeuchi designs are the exact same. an artist can have a style to how they draw their characters and just because there is overlap does not automatically equate that to having lazy designs.

more than anything saberfacing is part of nasuverse iconography, when a character is a saberface it isnt just about selling the design it is in fact an intentional design choice that tells you about the themeing of the character. im not going to say that nasuverse lore is sacred because it definitely isnt and they are in fact just doing what they think is cool but when you have nasu literally adding a chapter for limbo because he thought hasendows design was so beautiful it shouldn't be limited to a single appearance and then had that expanded into one of the more popular story chapters that tells you that these are creators who do pay attention to the designs that go into their characters. the same applies to chica umenos oberon, to wada and redrops designs and so many more, they absolutely care about the art that goes into their series.

I'm not gonna tell you that you must absolutely do your homework to enjoy any piece of fate media we are all free to do literally whatever we want forever and -clenches fist- you can also enjoy it in any type of way even in a surface level way. but when you acknowledge that a series is long standing with deeper themes acknowledged by its long standing playerbase and that the writers have so much passion for their own work (for better or worse, again nasuverse is absolutely not immune to criticism), saying that it comes across as disingenuous to have a recurring character design injoke because its heavily popular now despite not being popular once upon a time in itself comes across as disingenuous. nasuverse stuff being born of niche doujin circles and still being in touch with those roots isnt some kind of disqualification of the existence of saberfaces or the reasons behind them. when we ask you to read fate stay night its literally because we want you to enjoy it More so that you can, in fact, understand why saberface is a thing to begin with. being a popular franchise nowadays doesnt remove any of that charm unless you're specifically ignoring them. we literally have bbs profile in fgo say 'if you want to understand her deal and the deal of other similar characters read fate extra ccc' (bb herself being a sakuraface) so like theyre fully forward about the most accessible entrypoint into the franchise having a ton of history behind it

#untagged bc i wont annoy op on their post and i Do get their point but. cmon man #this post was originally a paragraph and it turned out i had way more to say abt this than i thought

[perfectlyripeclementine]

queer novel masterlist

cleaning up that post i've got running with books that touch on queerness. these are not organized in any particular fashion, or gathered along any particular theme. these are just gay novels i've either read and enjoyed or would like to read. blurbs are the books' own descriptions of themselves. not all these blurbs mention the queer stuff, but trust, if it's on this list it's in there. last updated 9 dec 23.

lists: sapphic books by Palestinian authors; butch memoirs; another list of masc, butch and stud books; a digital library of trans-related content; free access to the works of Leslie Feinberg.

After Sappho, Selby Wynn Schwartz. "“The first thing we did was change our names. We were going to be Sappho,” so begins this intrepid debut novel, centuries after the Greek poet penned her lyric verse. Ignited by the same muse, a myriad of women break from their small, predetermined lives for seemingly disparate paths: in 1892, Rina Faccio trades her needlepoint for a pen; in 1902, Romaine Brooks sails for Capri with nothing but her clotted paintbrushes; and in 1923, Virginia Woolf writes: “I want to make life fuller and fuller.” Writing in cascading vignettes, Selby Wynn Schwartz spins an invigorating tale of women whose narratives converge and splinter as they forge queer identities and claim the right to their own lives. A luminous meditation on creativity, education, and identity, After Sappho announces a writer as ingenious as the trailblazers of our past."

All Boys Aren't Blue, George M. Johnson In a series of personal essays, prominent journalist and LGBTQIA+ activist George M. Johnson's All Boys Aren't Blue explores his childhood, adolescence, and college years in New Jersey and Virginia.

The works of Dionne Brand: In Another Place, Not Here. Beautiful and meticulously wrought, set in both Toronto and the Caribbean, this astonishing novel gives voice to the power of love and belonging in a story of two women, profoundly different, each in her own spiritual exile.

Love Enough. In Love Enough, the sharp beauty of Brand's writing draws us effortlessly into the intersecting stories of her characters caught in the middle of choices, apprehensions, fears. Each of the tales here—June's, Bedri's, Da'uud's, Lia's opens a different window on the city they all live in, mostly in parallel, but occasionally, delicately, touching and crossing one another. Each story radiates other stories. In these pages, the urban landscape cannot be untangled from the emotional one; they mingle, shift and cleave to one another.

The young man Bedri experiences the terrible isolation brought about by an act of violence, while his father, Da'uud, casualty of a geopolitical conflict, driving a taxi, is witness to curious gestures of love and anger; Lia faces the sometimes unbridgeable chasms of family; and fierce June, ambivalent and passionate with her string of lovers, now in middle age discovers: "There is nothing universal or timeless about this love business. It is hard if you really want to do it right." Brand is our greatest observer—of actions, of emotions, of the little things that often go unnoticed but can mean the turn of a day. At once lucid and dream-like, Love Enough is a profoundly modern work that speaks to the most fundamental questions of how we live now.

What We All Long For. Tuyen is an aspiring artist and the daughter of Vietnamese parents who've never recovered from losing one of their children while in the rush to flee Vietnam in the 1970s. She rejects her immigrant family's hard-won lifestyle, and instead lives in a rundown apartment with friends—each of whom is grappling with their own familial complexities and heartache.

By turns thrilling and heartbreaking, Tuyen's lost brother—who has since become a criminal in the Thai underworld—journeys to Toronto to find his long-lost family. As Quy's arrival nears, tensions build, friendships are tested, and an unexpected encounter will forever alter the lives of Tuyen and her friends. Gripping at times, heartrending at others, What We All Long For is an ode to a generation of longing and identity, and to the rhythms and pulses of a city and its burgeoning, questioning youth.

The Human Origins of Beatrice Porter and Other Essential Ghosts, Soraya Palmer. Sisters Zora and Sasha Porter are drifting apart. Bearing witness to their father’s violence and their mother’s worsening illness, an unsettled Zora escapes into her journal, dreaming of being a writer, while Sasha discovers sex and chest binding, spending more time with her new girlfriend than at home.

But the sisters, like their parents, must come together to answer to something more ancient and powerful than they know—and reckon with a family secret buried in the past. A tale told from the perspective of a mischievous narrator, featuring the Rolling Calf who haunts butchers, Mama Dglo who lives in the ocean, a vain tiger, and an outsmarted snake, The Human Origins of Beatrice Porter and Other Essential Ghosts is set in a world as alive and unpredictable as Helen Oyeyemi’s.

Telling of the love between sisters who don’t always see eye to eye, this extraordinary debut novel is a celebration of the power of stories, asking, What happens to us when our stories are erased? Do we disappear? Or do we come back haunting?

Before We Were Trans, Kit Heyam. Today’s narratives about trans people tend to feature individuals with stable gender identities that fit neatly into the categories of male or female. Those stories, while important, fail to account for the complex realities of many trans people’s lives.     Before We Were Trans illuminates the stories of people across the globe, from antiquity to the present, whose experiences of gender have defied binary categories. Blending historical analysis with sharp cultural criticism, trans historian and activist Kit Heyam offers a new, radically inclusive trans history, chronicling expressions of trans experience that are often overlooked, like gender-nonconforming fashion and wartime stage performance. Before We Were Trans transports us from Renaissance Venice to seventeenth-century Angola, from Edo Japan to early America, and looks to the past to uncover new horizons for possible trans futures.  

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers, Lillian Faderman. As Lillian Faderman writes, there are "no constants with regard to lesbianism," except that lesbians prefer women. In this groundbreaking book, she reclaims the history of lesbian life in twentieth-century America, tracing the evolution of lesbian identity and subcultures from early networks to more recent diverse lifestyles. She draws from journals, unpublished manuscripts, songs, media accounts, novels, medical literature, pop culture artifacts, and oral histories by lesbians of all ages and backgrounds, uncovering a narrative of uncommon depth and originality.

note from roo: essay in this about how queer white women engaged with Harlem should be essential reading for white queers who enter spaces (like drag spaces, ballroom spaces etc) that are informed by Black culture.

Land of Milk and Honey, C Pam Zhang. A smog has spread. Food crops are rapidly disappearing. A chef escapes her dying career in a dreary city to take a job at a decadent mountaintop colony seemingly free of the world's troubles.

There, the sky is clear again. Rare ingredients abound. Her enigmatic employer and his visionary daughter have built a lush new life for the global elite, one that reawakens the chef to the pleasures of taste, touch, and her own body.In this atmosphere of hidden wonders and cool, seductive violence, the chef's boundaries undergo a thrilling erosion. Soon she is pushed to the center of a startling attempt to reshape the world far beyond the plate.

Sensuous and surprising, joyous and bitingly sharp, told in language as alluring as it is original, Land of Milk and Honey lays provocatively bare the ethics of seeking pleasure in a dying world. It is a daringly imaginative exploration of desire and deception, privilege and faith, and the roles we play to survive. Most of all, it is a love letter to food, to wild delight, and to the transformative power of a woman embracing her own appetite.

Grievers and Maroons by adrienne maree brown. Grievers is the story of a city so plagued by grief that it can no longer function. Dune’s mother is patient zero of a mysterious illness that stops people in their tracks—in mid-sentence, mid-action, mid-life—casting them into a nonresponsive state from which no one recovers. Dune must navigate poverty and the loss of her mother as Detroit’s hospitals, morgues, and graveyards begin to overflow. As the quarantined city slowly empties of life, she investigates what caused the plague, and what might end it. In anguish, she follows in the footsteps of her late researcher father, who has a physical model of Detroit’s history and losses set up in their basement. She dusts the model off and begins tracking the sick and dying, discovering patterns, finding comrades in curiosity, conspiracies for the fertile ground of the city, and the unexpected magic that emerges when the debt of grief is cleared.

In the second installment of the Grievers trilogy, adrienne maree brown brings to bear her background as an activist rooted in Detroit. The pandemic of Syndrome H-8 continues to ravage the city of Detroit and everyone in Dune's life. In Maroons, she must learn what community and connection mean in the lonely wake of a fatal virus. Emerging from grief to follow a subtle path of small pleasures through an abandoned urban landscape, she begins finding other unlikely survivors with little in common but the will to live. Together they begin to piece together the puzzle of their survival, and that of the city itself.

Elastoe, Darcie Little Badger. "Elatsoe—Ellie for short—lives in an alternate contemporary America shaped by the ancestral magics and knowledge of its Indigenous and immigrant groups. She can raise the spirits of dead animals—most importantly, her ghost dog Kirby. When her beloved cousin dies, all signs point to a car crash, but his ghost tells her otherwise: He was murdered. Who killed him and how did he die? With the help of her family, her best friend Jay, and the memory great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother, Elatsoe, must track down the killer and unravel the mystery of this creepy town and it’s dark past. But will the nefarious townsfolk and a mysterious Doctor stop her before she gets started? A breathtaking debut novel featuring an asexual, Apache teen protagonist, Elatsoe combines mystery, horror, noir, ancestral knowledge, haunting illustrations, fantasy elements, and is one of the most-talked about debuts of the year."

Sordidez, by E.G. Condé "In the ruin created by climate disaster and a devastating civil war, survivors in Puerto Rico and the Yucatán peninsula struggle to rebuild their communities and heal their lands, but powerful forces from abroad plot against them. Desperate for answers, Puerto Rican journalist Vero Diaz seeks the counsel of the Maya revolutionary known as the Loba Roja, triggering a chain of events that will forever reshape his destiny and the fate of the Caribbean world."

When They Tell You To Be Good, by Prince Shakur "When They Tell You to Be Good charts Shakur’s political coming of age from closeted queer kid in a Jamaican family to radicalized adult traveler, writer, and anarchist in Obama and Trump’s America. Shakur journeys from France to the Philippines, South Korea, and elsewhere to discover the depths of the Black experience, and engages in deep political questions while participating in movements like Black Lives Matter and Standing Rock. By the end, Shakur reckons with his identity, his family’s immigration, and the intergenerational impacts of patriarchal and colonial violence."

My Government Means to Kill Me, Rasheed Newson "Earl "Trey" Singleton III arrives in New York City with only a few dollars in his pocket. Born into a wealthy Black Indianapolis family, at 17, he is ready to leave his overbearing parents and their expectations behind.

In the city, Trey meets up with a cast of characters that changes his life forever. He volunteers at a renegade home hospice for AIDS patients, and after being put to the test by gay rights activists, becomes a member of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP). Along the way Trey attempts to navigate past traumas and searches for ways to maintain familial relationships—all while seeking the meaning of life amid so much death.

Vibrant, humorous, and fraught with entanglements, Rasheed Newson’s My Government Means to Kill Me is an exhilarating, fast-paced coming-of-age story that lends itself to a larger discussion about what it means for a young gay Black man in the mid-1980s to come to terms with his role in the midst of a political and social reckoning."

Where There Was Fire, John Manuel Arias Costa Rica, 1968. When a lethal fire erupts at the American Fruit Company’s most lucrative banana plantation burning all evidence of a massive cover-up, and her husband disappears, the future of Teresa’s family is changed forever.

Now, twenty-seven years later, Teresa and her daughter Lyra are picking up the pieces. Lyra wants nothing to do with Teresa, but is desperate to find out what happened to her family that fateful night. Teresa, haunted by a missing husband and the bitter ghost of her mother, Amarga, is unable to reconcile the past. What unfolds is a story of a mother and daughter trying to forgive what they do not yet understand, and the mystery at the heart of one family’s rupture.

Brimming with ancestral spirits, omens, and the anthropomorphic forces of nature, John Manuel Arias weaves a brilliant tapestry of love, loss, secrets, and redemption in Where There Was Fire.

#queer lit #qlit #queer fiction #queer memoirs #queer history #lgbt history #lgbt writers #lgbtq writers #lgbt novels #lgbtq novels #queer novels #tbr #to be read #reading list #queer reading list

[smolwritingchick]

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 1- The Foreign Trainee

Chapter Summary: After being scouted to be a part of a new girl group thanks to an audition, Jen worked alongside her four bandmates to form the group "Amity". Things went great at first but then after a while, Jen starts to get concerned about her position in the group while the company starts to focus on the other members and their success. She then learns the unfortunate truth about the situation she's in and makes a decision. Motivated, she continues to be persistent in achieving her dreams thanks to an audition in her area which happened to be for BigHit Entertainment. 

Jen meets Taehyung and starts to build a friendship with him. For those interested in being the Bangtan Girl, they learn the Bulletproof dance and No More Dream dance. They're also hit with a homework assignment, create a verse for Bulletproof and present it to the audition. Jen hopes to impress the company with her efforts and earn the spot.

Words: 10,000+

Author's Note:  Hey! I wrote this story back in 2016 on some fanfic websites and am bringing it back as I edit the chapters. I wanted to put my perspective and imagination on what if BTS had a black girl in their group from America. This'll be a long story starting from their debut so enjoy the ride!

I have so many chapters already written. I had stopped in the story around late 2016 before the MAMA Awards. As I wrote this story over the years I wanted this character to be relatable and grow as a performer as well as go through hardships. It'll be a slow start but it will get better as the chapters go on, I hope you give it a chance.

This will mainly start with friendship. Not just the character and the love interest. I didn't want to rush things and I tried my best to add a lot of bonding and cute moments. 

This is a SLOW BURN with my OC and Jungkook. The two will not become a couple until 2016.

As I planned to create this story years ago it took me months to prepare and research so I could get a good timeline. I wanted to add a lot of things like K-Con, going to school, Variety Shows, interviews, American Hustle Life, V-Lives, sasaeng fans and so on. 

Please note this is fiction. Yeah it may be unrealistic for this to happen but I had a lot of fun ideas and just went for it. Also I am not a song writer so sometimes the custom lyrics may be a little silly

---

It was November 9th, 2012. Backstage at the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia, 14-year-old Jen sat in a chair, getting the finishing touches on her curly light brown hair, which was put into a high ponytail. She and the rest of her group named Amity were to perform at their last concert of their small tour.

Amity consisted of five members. 16 year old Hailey, who was the leader and main vocalist, 16 year old Trinity who was the lead dancer, 15 year old Layla who covered the high and dramatic notes and 17 year old Angelina who took care of the raps. 

And then there's Jen.

Who was she?

Who was she in the group?

She never got the chance to showcase her talent on stage.

So was this worth it?

Back in early 2011, a rising new company named SongStress Entertainment was looking for young female talents to form another girl group. They partnered up with Disney and started to put up commercials and ads everywhere to promote auditions. When Jen heard about it from a TV commercial, she quickly went to tell her parents. After some persuading, and chores around the house, they took her to the audition in New York that was set in March. No matter what the challenges were, she remained persistent and her family supported her because of her passion for singing and dancing.

She wanted to perform ever since she was ten years old. Listening to artists like Rihanna, 2NE1, Mariah Carey, Big Bang, Wonder Girls, Whitney Houston, and Eminem sparked her interest as she begged her parents to pay for singing and dancing lessons. The lessons seemed to have paid off because after she auditioned she was called back a week later.

When she passed the second callback, Jen and her parents wasted no time signing the contract as she went on to debut with four other unknown girls, to form the group Amity at 13 years old. They got popular fast, from their adorable charm to their catchy songs and music videos. Things were great. But things weren't always what they seemed to be. 

Egos began to get in the way.

As time went on, the company began to pay more attention to more girls than others. The leader, Hailey, even felt threatened by Jen's dance skills and the company forced her to dance slower, and with less effort to feel like she was a sluggish dancer. To Jen, it didn't make any sense since Trinity was the most talented dancer in the group and Hailey didn't say anything to her about her dancing. Favoritism came into play.

What caught Jen's attention was that she started to not get a lot of lines like she used to in the songs. She would only sing the chorus with the group. She is also the only one who doesn't have a solo song, while the rest have their songs recorded and performed at concerts whenever Amity goes on stage for a performance.

Jen was also set over the edge, finding out that Amity had recorded songs without her. Her voice was great at harmony but she wasn't credited for it. They recorded her and made it seem like Hailey sang the beautiful harmonious notes. As she took all the credit, Jen couldn't do anything about it because of the contract.

Whose fault was that? Jen's.

So maybe she did get a little too excited by the fact that she was going to be signed to a record company. Maybe she and her parents didn't read the contract despite the president's reassuring that everything would be fine and fair.

She was naïve and young.

Rushing into things without really thinking things through. Not thinking of a backup plan just in case things like this happen.

She wasn't like the rest of her bandmates. Her love for KPOP, thanks to listening to Wonder Girls, Big Bang and 2NE1, motivated her to learn the Korean language while the company thought it was pointless.

They asked her, "Who would you speak Korean to?"

"Why are you trying to learn that language if you're in America?"

"We're not touring in South Korea; you're wasting your time."

However, she continued to learn for her enjoyment and love for the Korean culture. It was difficult at first. She had a difficult time pronouncing the words. There were times she wanted to stop but her parents gave her encouragement because they knew how much she loved KPOP. For her studying, she tried to study Korean for at least an hour or two a day since she was 13.

Thankfully it's been beginning to pay off.

Sometimes she ponders what if she didn't do the audition and stayed in school just like her two older sisters. She could probably get somewhere with a college degree. But she loved being an artist. She wanted to do this.

And as much as she hated to admit it, this company wasn't the place for her to do it. She finally got her dream to be a performer, and now she was thinking about letting it go because of the mistreatment. She had to do what was best for her.

"This'll bring out those pretty eyes." The makeup artist explained with enthusiasm as she applied mascara to Jen's eyes.

"Oh make sure you put on more makeup on her. She needs it." An unfortunate familiar mocking voice belonging to Hailey was heard as she shot Jen an innocent smile. The harsh words made Jen clench her fists and glare at her. "What? Just telling the truth. They always say the truth hurts."

"Hailey, stop it. Don't be such a brat. That's so friggin' rude. Go somewhere." Angelina sternly called her out. Hailey responds with a shrug and walks away to get mic'd up. Angelina walks over to Jen with a smile and puts a hand on her shoulder. "You look fine, Jen Jen. Don't listen to her."

Jen didn't reply as she continued to be in deep thought about being in Amity. Everyone should be getting along, not trying to bring each other down.

The redheaded Angelina notices her frowning and snaps her out of it as the makeup artist finishes her make up. 

"You know you have to stop doing that. Letting people get to you and ruining your pretty smile with frowns. Is it Hailey again?" Angelina asked.

Jen looked up at her friend. Best friend. The only friend she had in this girl group. Angelina was the one who had her back in this company and wasn't self-centered or had the fame go to her head. She was the one who let Jen know about the company recording without her as well. She was very grateful she had someone looking out for her.

"I don't care anymore. I'm not paying her any mind." Jen firmly asserted with a sigh.

"Ten minutes until the show!" The manager called out as everyone ran frantically for finishing touches.

"We'll talk later." Jen promised as they both walked outside the dressing room to get mic'd up.

"Come on Jen, we ain't got all day!" The manager escorted her to the stage before giving her a jacket to put over her dark brown skin. "And remember, don't dance so hard."

"I don't understand what the big deal is." She mumbled, shaking her head in disapproval.

"Big deal? Hailey needs the spotlight. It would be great if you remember to stand back, this time. You aren't the visual, get that through your head. How many times do we have to tell you that? This is your last warning."

Jen frowns in response as she watches the manager walk away. Frustration was beginning to build up inside of her. Whatever happened to equality? Not one person is better than the other. She wanted to be in a company that had equal opportunities.

The show was like the others. Fake smiles, watching Hailey's back, it wasn't fun anymore. Jen believed she had so much potential to improve and become a great performer, but her talent was wasted and not used the way she wanted it to be. She didn't want to be wasted and neglected.

Amity was supposed to be a team. A five-member girl group who had each other's backs. Be great friends and treat each other as equals. Not a competition of who's better than each other. It was sad that the entertainment business was like that these days.

After the show, Jen checks out her Twitter account and tweets 'Thank you for an awesome show Philly! #AmityInPhilly'

She didn't have a whole bunch of fans like the others since they were on TV shows, interviews and other photoshoots to get more publicity. She always pondered why SongStress didn't do that for her. They never really gave her a chance to show off what she could do as a singer and dancer. Or even as an actress if she could try that out.

She didn't say anything because she was too humbled. She was grateful for all the things she had done so far in Amity. All she ever wanted was to perform and she got that. She would ask occasionally if her solo would come up, or if any photoshoot or show opportunity was available for her. But SongStress would always give her the same answer.

"Not at the moment. Soon."

How far away was "Soon?"

She felt discouraged. It was like she was just there. She might as well be called a backup dancer.

While backstage in the dressing room, lounging on the couch, she checked the #AmityInPhilly hashtag since it was trending on Twitter while the rest of her bandmates came in. Jennie began to think about her birthday which was tomorrow and it started to boost her mood.

"Hey guys, I wanted to talk to you about something." She spoke softly, gaining their attention. "Since my birthday is tomorrow, I planned this singing exhibit where people around the area can showcase their singing for fun. Do a little meet and greet, pictures...all sorts of stuff. It'll be a fun gathering. I also made a song and I'd like you all to be there to support me."

"You know we have to practice right?" Trinity recalled in a flat tone.

The indifference in Trinity's voice made Jennie's stomach drop as she timidly replied, "I-It's after practice."

"And where is this?"

"In my hometown. Here in Philly. It'll start around 7:00PM."

"Does SongStress know about this?" Hailey asked, looking skeptical at the event that's been planned.

"Why wouldn't they?" Jen questioned.

"We'll see about the event. Anyway, group meeting!" Hailey called out. "I'm so proud of us! We definitely have to celebrate tonight. We're going to dinner. But uh Jen, remember what the manager told you about your diet. And you were a bit sloppy out there. Don't make us look bad out there. Did you practice at all?"

All the happiness about the upcoming event for her birthday left Jennie's body as annoyance was clearly shown on her sweaty face. Okay, so she didn't have a flat stomach like the rest of them did. She had a curved stomach with a small pudge but that was nothing to go on a diet for. She was already satisfied with how she looked. She told herself she did want to work out to gain more muscle and possible abs on her stomach when she gets a little older, but she wasn't going to feel obligated to do so. She'll do it in her free time.

Her hair was naturally curly and her thighs were a bit thicker than theirs. She even had light stretch marks on her hips but so what? Why does that have to make her go on a diet? She was born this way, and she was fine with how she was. Why should she change her look because someone else wanted her to? She wanted to look natural, not a Barbie doll. She was still going through puberty as well. The baby fat was still there but it'll most likely disappear from her body and face soon enough when she's a little older.

"You know I really don't understand why I'm the only one who has to go on a diet. I'm perfectly fine. I'm the same size as you. I'm not starving myself." Jennie protested with irritation.

"Well you're not going out with us, so get food at the hotel and get yelled at by the manager. It's on you."

Jennie shakes her head in disbelief. "I really can't stand you."

"Whoa, what did I do?" Hailey faked a shocked look.

"I think you know what you've done. This is so unfair."

"It's not that serious." Layla sighed

"It is serious. Almost all of you have the biggest egos I've ever seen and it's like you're forgetting that we all made Amity and we work as a team. Can't you see how wrong this is? How I'm the only one who has to dance slower while you guys give it your all? I want to put as much effort as everyone else." Jen exclaimed

"Jen everything is going to be okay-" Angelina tried to reassure but she waved her hand and shook her head.

"I'm gonna go. Enjoy dinner." She grabs her bags and leaves the room.

Hailey sighs out of annoyance. "This is why you don't have young people in groups because they always want to act like brats. It should've just been the 4 of us, but no~ they wanted one more person and they had to pick her out of all people. She doesn't do anything but whine and complain-"

"Hailey shut up!" Angelina exclaimed sharply while standing up. "You're the brat here."

"Excuse me? Who do you think you're talking to?"

"You're not superior to any of us just because you're the leader. And if I were betting on the future of Amity...I'd say we'll disband and it'll all be because of you."

Hailey huffed in dissatisfaction. "I am so telling the manager on the both of you."

"Oh go ahead. The only reason you're here is because the vice president is your father. Did you even audition for SongStress or did you get everything handed to you on a silver platter?" The redhead questioned. Taking the silence as an answer, she retrieved her bag and grumbled, "That's what I thought." 

---

An hour had passed since Jen left backstage and went back into the hotel room she shared with Angelina. She was lying on her back in bed, looking at the ceiling as her stomach continued to growl mercilessly.

"I'm so hungry." She grumbled and clutched her stomach.

She managed to buy a couple of bags of chips in a vending machine with the paper money she had on her but she craved food to satisfy her hunger.

Suddenly she sees Angelina with a bright smile on her face and a large box of pizza in hand, walking inside the room.

"Let's eat biatch~!" she cheerfully said and placed the pizza on the bed before parking herself on the bed as well.

"I thought you were at dinner!" Jen stammered, looking wide-eyed at the pizza on the bed.

"I can't stand those girls, I'm not hanging out with them." She responded with a shrug.

"But I'm supposed to go on that dumb diet..." Jen grumbled.

"Bitch eat. I don't give a crap what they say, you are eating to your heart's content. Don't starve yourself because they want you to look a certain way. You know what they're trying to do is wrong. I see it, you see it. You have to stand your ground and speak up."

"But if it gets me fired then what?"

"I would rather be fired. I'm eating all the pizza I want. They can't stop me. And they won't stop you. Sit. Eat. Chill. I gotta vent to you about Hailey."

Jen happily sits back on the bed and bites into the hot, cheesy pepperoni pizza that was fresh from Pizza Hut. "What happened with you and Hailey?"

"Oh my gosh...I don't think I can take much more of this. She keeps talking crap about you. She thinks the world revolves around her. And it's like the others are followers, I swear. They always wanna just back up what she says. Or just stand there and agree with everything she says. Like are you blind?" She retorted as she started to get angry thinking about the situation.

"Well, she does have power over us because of her father..." Jen grumbled.

"And that shouldn't be the case. She should work hard and not get an easy route just because of some connection with family. I always see that these days. I mean I know it is great to have connections but still endure the hard work that others dealt with who started from the bottom."

"Yeah, but that's not how the world seems to work." Jennie trailed off, thinking about the future.

"Enough about her. I have another serious question to ask."

"What is it?"

"You thinking of leaving?" Angelina assumed. From the shocked look on Jennie's face, she gets her answer, mumbling "I thought so."

"I have to, I just can't do this anymore." Jen pointed out with a sad smile. "I talked to my agent and let her know everything."

"I understand. But are you still going to sing?"

"Yes. I still want to perform."

The redheaded girl nodded in approval. "Good. Whenever you leave, it'll be worth it. So don't worry. Just stay in touch with me. I'm gonna miss you. Whatever the future holds for you, I'll be supporting you."

Jen smiled. "Thank you, Angie. I'll be supporting you too!"

"Now let's watch some Spongebob." She grabbed the remote off the nightstand.

Jennie giggled at her. "Aren't you too old for that?"

"Ha! You're NEVER too old for Spongebob."

-------

November 10th 2012. Jennie was finally 15 years old. She went to the studio in a bright mood, happily thanking everyone for the birthday wishes. She received birthday phone calls from her family and tweets from fans.

The day starts like always. Dance practice and then recording in the studio. But she couldn't help but wonder if she'd get a surprise party just like all the other girls have on their birthdays. But as the day went on, she didn't receive anything after she left the studio. She tried not to feel too disappointed as she got herself ready for the 1st annual Singing Exhibit she created. It was called, "Avid Vocals" that was in a small lounge with a stage.

When she arrived, she was grateful for the turnout. There were over 120 people in the place. A good start for a nice little event, to meet people who are passionate about singing and dancing like herself.

She makes her way up the stage and gives her welcoming speech.

"What's up, everybody!?" She grinned at the crowd and waved. "Thank you so much for coming tonight to the first annual Avid Vocals where we all come together to sing and dance to our heart's content and meet and greet with each other. I've been wanting to do this for a while now, bringing people together who enjoy performing for fun, and I'm very happy with the turnout so far. At this time, let's get started with the first performance! And if anyone else wants to perform, there's a sign-in sheet by the table. So just write your name and the song, and sing out! Enjoy the show!" 

Once she left the stage, she made her way to mingle and talk with fans, signing autographs and taking photos. The performances so far were all very unique and fun to watch. There were goofy performances, singing songs like YMCA, We Will Rock You and Party Rock Anthem. Then there were performances that slayed with Single Ladies, TiK ToK, and So What by Pink.

After watching some performances, it was time for her to get on stage. She sat on a stool with her guitar in her hands. 

"I've written a little song and wanted to share it with you guys." She looked around to find any members of Amity but didn't. "I hope you guys enjoy!"

They applaud her as she begins to strum along on her guitar. While she sang, she tried to search for any members of Amity in the crowd but couldn't find anyone. After she finished her song, she received a huge positive feedback from the crowd as she went backstage.

She looked at her phone while thinking that any members would find her backstage to see her but sees a text message sent 30 minutes before she went on stage from Angelina.

'You are SO not gonna believe this...the assholes kept me back and forced me to work on my raps...the rest went out somewhere to the movies. I'm so sorry I couldn't make it to support you...I'll see you back at the hotel and we'll hang :'('

Jennie lets out a sigh. She knew Angelina was telling the truth. She had a feeling Hailey would try to do something after asking her if the manager knew about it. She wasn't mad at anyone. It'd be a waste of energy.

As soon as Jennie goes back into her hotel room, she sees Angelina waiting for her anxiously. Once she heard the door close, her head shot up and she quickly got off the bed.

"They kept me on purpose, I tried everything, I'm so sorry I wasn't there." Angelina had tears in her eyes and hugged her tightly.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." Jen responded with a sigh.

"No, it's not."

"Don't worry about it, I still had a nice birthday." She reassured. "I'm just glad I got to meet some nice fans and perform today."

"I'm sure it was a fun event. Hey, I got you something to make up for it. I hope you like it."

Hearing that, Jen's eyes light up. "Really!?"

"Yep! Close them eyes girl. And no peeking." She addressed, going back to the bed. After a few moments, she hands her a small bag. "You can open them."

Jen quickly opens her eyes and sees a pink bag in front of her. She grins widely and digs right inside to see all the CDs so far from Wonder Girls and 2NE1. "GAH! MY GIRLS~" She wrapped her arms around her for a big hug, earning a loud laugh from the redhead.

"I knew you'd react like that." Angelina chuckled and was released. "I'm not really into KPOP, never really heard of it, but I went on YouTube, listened to it and they sound pretty damn good. Both groups."

"Thank you, for this. Really. This is awesome."

"Of course. Oh, and this one group...Bang bang-wait no, it's called Big Bang." She corrected herself as Jen nodded at the correct name of the group. 

"Why are they all so hot?" Angelina questioned, making Jen laugh out loud. "No, I'm serious. That is too much sexiness. That's not nice!" She crossed her arms, shaking her head.

"You'll never get used to it, trust me." The birthday girl sits on the bed. "My favorite is T.O.P. I have a big crush on him. He's so cool. I would love to meet him one day. Along with Wonder Girls and 2NE1."

"Hey, you never know. Maybe you'll get some VIP Tickets to a concert if they're in America."

"Yeah...but I wouldn't mind performing like them."

"What do you mean?"

"I wouldn't mind performing KPOP. Easier said than done right? But I love how they perform and their awesome dances."

"KPOP? That'll be interesting to see. Whatever your heart desires, I say go for it. Work hard, do research, and go for it. Anything is possible as long as you work hard for it. I would talk to your agent about that."

Jen nodded. "That's not a bad idea."

"So we're renewing our contracts tomorrow. Are you going to renew it?"

Jennie shakes her head. "I was talking to my family and agent about it. I think it's time for me to close this chapter in my life and move on."

Angelina nodded. "Do what's best for you."

----

Today was the most difficult day for Jennie as she made her way to SongStress' office to meet in the boardroom. She walked with her agent, who has been a family friend of hers since she started in Amity. Her name was Diana Parker.

Jen's parents made sure to do their research when finding someone to really aid and be there for her while she was in the entertainment business. And Diana wasn't going to let SongStress make Jennie feel obligated to resign with them after all the crap she's dealt with.

Once they walked in, they sat in front of the manager, the President of SongStress, the Vice President, HR, the Supervisor, and the executive.

"All right Jen, here, you can sign right here." The Vice President handed her the pen. 

"I won't be needing that." She replied in a low voice.

"Oh? Did you bring your own? Came here prepared, I admire that." He chuckled.

"No, I mean I'm not signing that."

The room goes silent as everyone but Diana stares at her, trying to comprehend what she just said.

"...What do you mean you're not signing?" The President slowly asked.

"I don't want to renew my contract." She firmly said as they looked at her in shock.

"How about we put more money in for you? Then you'll sign?" The President suggested.

"You heard the girl. She's not signing." Her agent spoke up.

"I wasn't talking to you." He snapped at Diana and turned back to Jen in a panic. "How much do you want for the next few years?"

"No sir, I think my time is up here." Jen declared.

"What do you want to have your solo? Is that what this is about? Okay fine. We'll have your solo for the next album." The Vice President exclaimed.

Diana managed to keep her laughs to herself at how panicked SongStress was. "This is too funny." She murmured. "You feel obligated to do this, right?"

SongStress continued to ignore her as their full attention was on Jen. Jen felt like this was the most attention they had given her since she first started in the group. 

"You want to be in TV Shows? We got you covered." The manager pointed out.

"Why are you doing all this now and not when I was patiently waiting and asking when it would be my turn?" Jen questioned.

"Look we have been busy and-"

"Very busy with Hailey, that's for sure." She pointed out.

"Look we need you-" The President looked at her in despair.

"No, you don't. You need me to have Hailey be the spotlight. I said no, so please just let me leave this company." She pleaded, earning harsh glares from them as they gave up.

"Fine. Then leave." The President waved her away.

"Thank you for this experience." She stood up and headed to the door with Diana.

"Oh and Jen?" The President spoke up as she stopped and turned. "I hope you realize how much of a mistake you're making." He warned, narrowing his eyes.

She smiled and turned back around. "I hope you realize how much of a blessing this decision was for me."

After packing her things, and saying goodbye to Angelina, Jen decides to unfollow Amity on Instagram and Twitter but Angelina as fans started questioning it. After a couple of hours, she was fed up with the constant notifications of Amity and decided to just deactivate her Twitter and delete her Instagram to get away from it all.

------

After leaving and going back home, Jennie went back to high school, while continuing to learn Korean and training for singing and dancing. Things were how they used to be. Going to school, still singing and dancing for fun. But she felt like something was missing. She still wanted to perform. But she didn't want to be in another situation like she was with SongStress. As a result, she researched different companies. The K-Pop itch came back as she decided to check out what SM Entertainment and YG Entertainment were offering.

She managed to go to an SM Entertainment audition but they told her she was not what they were looking for and she didn't look like a K-Pop star. She was upset at the unsuccessful attempt but she was glad they didn't take her. She didn't want to get any plastic surgery if they wanted her to.

As much as she wanted to be a part of SM Entertainment, she felt like their style wasn't for her and she wanted to be a part of a company that wasn't one of the huge companies if possible. Start from the bottom and work her way up. Win awards and break records that aren't from the Big 3 companies.

As 2013 rolls around, she suddenly gets a phone call out of the blue from Diana in mid-January.

"This is rare!" Jen beamed, happy to hear her voice.

"Very, it's been a while! How you been?"

"I'm doing all right. But I'm getting that itch again."

"Well, you're in luck because it's about to be scratched."

"What do you mean?"

"I was just curious, you still want to sing and dance, right?"

"Right!"

"You still studying Korean?"

"You betcha!"

"There's an audition coming up, for a South Korean Company called BigHit Entertainment. They're looking for some trainees. Now, I know it's not like SM Entertainment or YG Entertainment, and BigHit seems like they're not big on foreigners at the moment but you never know what'll happen. Don't let that discourage you. You up for it?"

"It's worth a shot. I want to try."

"Okay, I'll set you up so you can go to the audition in New York. Start preparing. I'll email you what they're looking for so you can practice."

"Thank you so much!"

After a week of training, Jen and her parents arrive at the private audition. She heads inside to sit in the waiting room, while she sees others, older and even younger people preparing for their audition. One by one their names were called as they went inside.

"Jennifer Walker." A woman called her name, standing in the doorway with a clipboard in hand.

Hearing her name get called caused her stomach to drop. Jennie attempts to ignore the nervousness as she stands up and is led inside by the woman.

'Everything is going to be OK. You worked hard, things will be fine.' She tries to reassure herself as she goes into a dance practice room where she sees the panel of three males, staring at her as soon as she walks in.

The three males look up at her. Before they were checking out her headshots and information.

Age 15

5 foot 5

Her experience with singing and dancing since elementary school and being a part of SongStress Entertainment with Amity for over a year. She also has four years of experience playing the guitar. Her heart began to race as she remembered to bow and politely greet them.

"So you have experience with music videos and performing live?" She was asked.

"Yes. Amity has done several music videos and a tour around the US."

"Why did you leave?"

Jennie swallowed as she, unfortunately, remembered bad memories. "New opportunities. I felt like SongStress wasn't the place for me. I still want to perform. I love performing." 

"Sing an English song for us." 

She decides to sing Rihanna's California King Bed with an instrumental from her phone. She starts nervously, but after a few lines, she gains more confidence and sings out, before they stop her after the chorus. Afterward, she had to sing a Korean song, and she chose Wonder Girls' Me In as she found an instrumental on her phone.

"Hey beautiful boy, let me love you, right now~" The nervousness was gone from her singing and filled with more power and confidence as she sang until after the chorus. She began to feel her face heat up after they told her to stop while she was getting too into it.

After the singing, they told her to dance, so she put on 2NE1's I Am The Best, nailing the dance moves on beat, and almost forgetting that this was an audition because she felt like she was in her room again, dancing happily to the song like she always does.

Finally, they take photos of her for headshots and to see how she'll look on camera. 

After the photos, the audition was over and she went back to the panel and was told by the men at the table, "We're developing a boy group and were thinking of having one girl in it too. We'll get back to you. That's all for today."

"Thank you so much for taking the time to see me." She bowed again.

----

A week later, Jen was on her laptop with her headphones in, listening to 2NE1's I Am The Best while checking her email. She suddenly sees an email from BigHit a couple of hours ago. Her eyes widen and her stomach drops.

Was this the result of the audition?

She slowly clicks it open and her throat tightens, making hot tears fill up her eyes. She read the email a couple of times to comprehend what was happening. She passed and they wanted her to become a trainee at their company. She wipes the tears of joy from her eyes and screams in her pillow. Afterwards, she tries to collect herself. 

"Let's not get too ahead of myself. Let's take it one day at a time, Jennie. Things are going to be just fine. Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening!" She said excitedly and then ran downstairs to tell her parents. "Guys, I got great news!"

------

After telling her agent and her parents about the shocking news, they all made their way to Seoul, South Korea. Jen's nerves got to her as she wished the flight was quicker. She was so excited to be able to get an opportunity to work in the K-Pop industry. She hopes to break down the barriers of being a foreigner and an African American in the K-Pop industry. Although she still was not aware of how different their work ethic is from America, she believed that she would be ready for the challenge.

After the plane lands, safely, the party finds someone that had Jen's name on a sign and they are escorted to Big Hit's building. Jen was in awe, gazing out the window as the car went past various streets in Seoul. She never knew how beautiful the area looked until she saw it up close and personal. She was looking forward to doing everything here. Eating, shopping, school, taking walks around, everything. So many things went through her head that before she knew it, the car stopped and they were in front of Big Hit's building. 

Jen's stomach drops at the sight.

She was here.

The agency that wanted to take a chance on her.

The place who thought she had what it takes.

Big Hit Entertainment.

Her mom puts a hand on Jen's thick curly hair. "Sweetie, are you ready?" She smiled. 

Jen nods twice and they all get out of the car. As they head inside, they go to the receptionist to let them know about their reason for being there and they make their way to Bang Shi-Hyuk's office with a translator.

"Music and Artist for Healing, huh?" Jen's dad read the slogan and nodded in approval. "I like it."

"Sweetie, you haven't said a word. Are you okay?" Jen's mom looked concerned at her daughter's silence.

Jen looked up and smiled nervously. "I'm excited just nervous."

"Everything is going to be fine. Don't worry, honey."

"You can come in." A staff member said in English as he opened the door for them.

As soon as they all walk in, they see the man himself, Bang Shi-Hyuk. 

"You must be Jennifer Walker." He speaks in Korean. 

The sound of his voice made her timid as she bowed politely. She'll have to get in a habit of bowing in South Korea. As she looks at him, she starts to remember his face. He was the one sitting in the middle during her audition.

"Yes, I am." Her voice affirmed in a shaky tone in Korean.

He let out a chuckle. "I'm not that scary, am I?"

"No, sorry, just nervous."

He nodded and smiled. "Don't be. I want this to be a happy environment." 

"Thank you. These are my parents." She introduced herself as her parents continued to look at her in surprise at how well her Korean was. "And my agent." She pointed to Diana

"What is he saying? And what did you say?" Jen's mom eagerly asks.

"I just introduced you guys," Jen responded in English and the translator took over to help Diana and her parents understand.

"Your daughter did very well during the audition. I believe she'll do great things for my company. She's in good hands here." Bang PD noted 

"Thank you for allowing our daughter to chase her dreams here." Her father spoke.

"Sit down, please. I want to discuss the contract." Bang PD motioned them to sit and they complied. 

As he started going over the contract, Jen's butterflies came back in her stomach. Would her family let her be out of the country for so many years to become a K-Pop star? She'll miss birthdays, weddings, graduations, births, even funerals.

"What is he saying?" Diana asked as the translator explained that they need Jen and her parents to sign and it's for a lot of years. 

"A-a lot of years?" Her mom asked as she bit her lip. "We're not going to see you that often, are we?"

"If I am in a group and our schedules are fully packed, most likely not, Mom." The teen could see the tears developing in her mother's eyes. 

Her mom grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "My little girl...in South Korea...chasing her dream to perform." 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Her father asked in a serious tone, keeping his emotions together. "Is this truly what you want, Jennifer?"

"I really want to do this. I'll call, I'll text, I'll Skype you, anything, I will keep in touch. If I can visit I will, I promise. I want this. I love K-Pop, and I truly believe this company is the best for me. I'm going to train hard to achieve my dream. Please. Let me do this."

"We're not going to be able to see you that often. We're not going to watch you grow up into a beautiful young lady." Her mom smiled sadly.

"If any boys give you trouble...I'm a phone call away, sweetheart," Her father placed a hand on her shoulder as he tried to hold back the tears. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you. I love you guys." Tears raced down Jen's cheeks as she tried to wipe them away.

Her father turned to Bang PD and nodded. "We'll sign it."

Bang PD nodded and handed them the contract. After they read over everything with Diana, Jen's father signs it first, and shortly afterward, her mom does the same and hands the pen to Jen. She lets out a breath and signs her name before handing it to Bang PD with two hands. 

"Thank you. I will work hard." Jen bowed with a bright smile.

"As of today, you'll be a trainee. I'll be watching you, kid." Bang PD smiled.

After receiving a new iPhone and keys to the dorm to stay with the other chosen female trainees, Jen spends a few more hours with her family before a heartfelt goodbye as they go back to America. Her agent, Diana, stays with her in Seoul as she works with Big Hit as well. Once she heads to the dorm, she is greeted by the rest of the female trainees and quickly opens up to all of them. They welcomed her with open arms and she was grateful that she could communicate with them, with the Korean that she knew without any language barriers.

One thing she did wish she learned before she got to Seoul was how to eat with chopsticks. It took her forever to learn how to use chopsticks when eating and how different Korean eating habits were from America's. She had a lot to learn about South Korea's culture and was looking forward to it.

The next day was Jen's first day of training. Learning various dances and getting singing lessons. She also met other dancers and trainees. The training was so much different than in America, it was insane. She admired how passionate and hard the dances were.

A few weeks went by and on a certain Thursday night, after dancing was over, she decided to stay a little longer to clean up the choreography that she learned for hours.

With her curly hair in a puffball after all the perspiration, she groans at how she is going to be doing her hair while in South Korea. Maybe she should get a weave. But she'll probably have to order weaves to have it shipped to her. And order American products for her. She should've thought things through. 

As she packed up after spending another hour practicing, she heard a happy English voice behind her. 

"Hello~" The cheerful voice filled her ears. 

She stands up and turns around to see a guy with curly blond hair and a boxy grin on his face.

"H-hi! Are you talking to me?" She responded in English with a smile.

"Y-yes. You...Am-erica? America?" He questioned in broken English.

She chuckled and nods. He sounded really cute while trying to speak English. It sounded like he was asking her if she was American. 

"Yes, I am. And I speak Korean. I'm still learning but I should be fluent soon." She answered in Korean as his eyes widened. 

His happy vibes were getting to her because she couldn't stop smiling at him. His positivity was off the charts. She needed that.

"Really? That's great!" He goes back to his native tongue. "My name is Taehyung."

"Nice to meet you! I'm Jennifer. You can call me Jennie, Jen, any nickname you can think of. How long have you been training?"

"I've been training a while, I'm working with BTS, right now. My stage name is V. But don't tell anyone, I'm a secret member for now. I haven't been revealed yet." He playfully grinned.

Jen couldn't help but drop her jaw. "You're a part of the upcoming new group? Gosh, I want to try to get that spot as the Bangtan Girl. I've been hearing everyone talking about how they want a girl in the group."

"Ah, the girls are training quite hard for that spot. I wish you luck! How do you like it here so far?"

"I love it here. Everyone is so welcoming. I still need to learn how to eat properly with chopsticks. I was a bit too excited to come here." She sheepishly grinned and rubbed the back of her neck.

"I don't mind teaching you!" He eagerly offered.

"Sounds like fun! You're really nice. Can I call you Tae?"

"Anything you like! Can I call you Ennie?"

"Haha, sure."

"I gotta go. I wanted to stop by and say hi. I hope to see you, again! Let's exchange numbers! Have you tried Korean beef yet?"

"No, I haven't. Is it good?" 

"You'll love it! Hopefully, when we're both free, I'll take you so you can try some."

"O-okay!" She exchanged numbers with him. 

She was still in awe of how friendly he was. She had a strong feeling they were going to be best friends very soon.

...And boy was she ever correct.

Whenever they were free, he would hang out with her and show her different sights in Seoul. She even fell in love with Korean beef. Taehyung was right when he said that she would love it. As the weeks went by, Jen continued to train while remaining best friends with Taehyung. She had gotten used to his goofiness and he made her less homesick whenever she thought about America.

It was March 1st. Jen just got off the phone with her parents and her two older sisters who were 18 and seniors in high school. Her sisters, Alani and Vienna were preparing to apply to colleges and improving their SAT and ACT scores.

Alani wanted to major in Journalism, to get into interviewing. Jen could see her being an anchor, interviewing celebs and hosting shows. While Vienna wants to major in Theater, getting into plays and other acting gigs. She was proud of them, and they were proud of her too. They told her how much they missed messing with her and it feels weird without her home. One thing that got to her was the fact that she would be missing their graduation. She informed her family about the upcoming practice for the Bangtan Girl audition. It was tomorrow.

The next day, Jennie made sure to get to the practice room early, wearing grey sweatpants, and a black tank top with a black sports bra. She made sure to put her curly thick hair in a messy bun and began to stretch. She saw there were 8 other girls in the room, that also wanted a spot to be the Bangtan Girl. She lets out a breath. This was going to be a tough competition. She prayed that things would go smoothly and that everyone would do well.

After everyone stretches, Son Seongdeuk, the choreographer for BTS arrives. He looks at every girl in the room as he stands before them. "All right, so the group I'm looking at now, is the group that wants to be that special young lady to be the Bangtan Girl of BTS."

"Currently BTS is working on two songs and we have the instrumental for them. I'm going to teach you the dances for both songs. No More Dream, and Bulletproof. I want to see how your flow is and your unique style of dance. After a few weeks, we'll have the audition." Mr. Son continued as he walked around.

"Now let me inform you of what we are looking for. The Bangtan Girl is fierce, tough, has attitude, beauty, and as the song says, bulletproof. What we are looking for is someone who can fit that persona." he informed. "And you nine ladies believe you have what it takes. And I want you to show me. I'm going to show you the dance for Bulletproof. Have a seat and watch."

The girls comply and sit down while he puts on 'We Are Bulletproof Pt 2. The first few beats made Jennie nod her head to the song. The beat was sick...but as soon as he started dancing, her eyes were about to pop out at the fierce dancing the choreographer was showing. Her jaw couldn't be shut as she watched how quick and strong the dance moves were.

'I...I have to LEARN THAT!? I can't do that! Is it too late to back out?! Wait no. No backing out. You gotta show them how much you want this. Things are going to be OK.'

'Yooooo. How am I supposed to whip my head back and forth that quick?'

'How can I move my chest like that?'

'BRUH...Those fluid movements and smooth footwork! I never did that!'

'I'm screwed.'

'H-how do you do that!?'

'Is that even HUMAN!?'

'The human body can do that?!'

There were all the thoughts in her head as she continued to watch his dancing. After he was done, the girls applauded and he told them to stand up so they could begin learning the choreography. The dance was hard and intense. Extremely intense. Nothing that she had ever danced before. It was more fluent and harder than any dance she danced in America but she was determined. 

After practice, she was exhausted and stayed one more hour to try to work on the dance before her body just couldn't take any more for the day.

A week went by after learning the Bulletproof dance and they went to the No More Dream dance. Jennie still was mind-boggled at how she managed to do a hip thrust after some difficulty. Guys make it look so easy. She wasn't used to moving that part of her body yet. It must've been a hilarious sight to see her practicing hip thrusting back at the dorm while the other trainees were there. A week went by after that and it was now Friday. Mr. Son just finished the final practice day for the No More Dream dance with Bang PD watching the progress closely.

Jen lays her back on the floor, panting heavily. "So. Much. Dancing. I need a hot bath." She murmured in English before forcing herself to sit up. She looked around at the other girls who were just as exhausted if not even more than her.

Bang PD stands up from his seat after watching the whole dance practice. "You ladies have homework. The audition for the Bangtan Girl is on Monday. You have the weekend to practice. The homework is to create a verse for Bulletproof. Mr. Son gave you the instrumental when you first started learning the dance, so you can practice during your free time. The Bangtan Girl always sings with the Bangtan Boys. I want to see what you can come up with for the song and bring in your attitude and style to it."

"Just one verse?" Jen asked earning a nod from him as they got dismissed.

How was she going to create a verse? It's been a while since she wrote a song. The last song was during her Singing Exhibit for her birthday last year.

During the weekend, Jennie could not think of anything. When she tried to, it went well but she ended up scrapping it and throwing it in the recycle bin because it wasn't what she thought it would be. It was tough to admit that she started to get a writer's block. Saturday night she tried again, listening to the instrumental a couple of times.

"I have no fear so don't try to stop me..." she wrote and looked at it. "Eh...something needs to go in the middle of that..." 

'Tellin' me your doubts won't change my mind'

'Staying up all night dancing'

"Ugh, I don't like it." She threw it away and sighed, running her hands through her messy curls. "I hope to learn more about lyric writing while I'm in this company. Right now this is terrible." 

She groaned and tried again.

'Unlike you partying all night while I focused on my dreams'

'Everywhere I go, everything I do, I will show you and all the people who looked down on me'

'I'm in my own lane'

"Ah...this is so corny!" She exclaimed and frowned. "They're not gonna accept this. I'll just put down what I can. I can't stress over it."

----

Monday came by quickly as the girls, Bang PD, Namjoon, Mr. Son, and Taehyung were in the practice room. Jennie wore white sweatpants, a white jacket, white Nikes, and a white tank top for the occasion. She even put a black bandana as a crown over her curly hair that was put down.

First, all the girls were to perform the Bulletproof dance. Jen's efforts were successful, thankfully remembering the dance. She tried to put more flavor into it with thuggish facial expressions that didn't seem too forced, and it went well, showing more attitude to fit the instrumental.

After that, one by one the girls presented their custom verses while doing random dance moves to go with the verse and beat of the song. Namjoon had his black shades on and his head down, deep in thought as he listened to each girl's verse. Jen had a hard time trying to figure out what he was thinking when each girl auditioned. Meanwhile, V kept dancing and nodding his head to their verses. Each girl did so well, but she hoped that she could stand out from them.

"Next." Mr. Son turned to Jennie. 

She swallows hard as she lets out a shaky breath. Standing up, she received a mic.

'I got this...remember what you practiced, girl. Time to slay them all.' Jen gave herself some last words of encouragement as she stood in the middle of the practice room. 

The girls watched behind her while she stood in front of the men watching her. She turns to Mr. Son and nods as he puts on the instrumental of Bulletproof. The instrumental comes on for the second verse of the song as she begins.

Badda bing badda boom

Jennie's here

I have no fear...so don't try to stop me

Hah!

Tellin' me your doubts...won't change my mind

With his ears perking up, Namjoon slowly looked up to watch her perform, fully engaged in how she sounded. 

You want me to party? I don't have time

I've been busy workin' (she slowly shimmies to the right with the beat)

I've been busy dancin' (she slowly shimmies to the left with the beat)

I'm never prancin'

Just enhancin' (She flips her hair)

I will persevere and you can't stop my flow (She stands tall, looking strong)

I'm in my own lane

I'm here to attain (She makes a fist up in the air)

I got people asking, Who's the girl?' (She looks both ways)

The one with the curls, representing the girls (She ruffles her curly hair while strutting forward)

"I'm the one with the swag and I don't mean to brag but I broke oppositions to get where I am at today!" she ended her verse just before the chorus came with a fierce expression on her face. 

The song stops and she lets out a breath as everyone applauds for her. A proud smile came across her features as she bowed to everyone, thanking them. The butterflies were no longer in her stomach and she was glad to get it over with. She hoped it was enough to please them to earn that spot.

The next day was the most nerve-racking because Jennie was called to Bang PD's office. She didn't know if she had done something wrong or if it was good news. She knocked on his door and he told her to come in. She walks him to see him turn around in his chair looking at her sternly.

"Y-you wanted to see me?" She asked softly, trying to ignore his stern look. 

Was he mad at her? If so what the heck did she do? She didn't do anything out of the ordinary.

"Do you know why you're here?" He questioned in a sharp tone as he crossed his arms.

"I-is it because of my audition?" She looked uncertain.

"How do you think you did? Do you think what you've done was what we were looking for?" His voice was serious as he narrowed his eyes.

'I'm about to get dropped aren't I?' She thought nervously.

"Y-yes I do." She quickly let out. "I think I've done well and tried my best."

After a few seconds of silence and staring, he speaks up again. "Well, you thought right, Bangtan Girl." He dropped his mean demeanor and smiled. "Welcome to BTS."

"Wh-what?" Her ears perked up as she widened her eyes. "What did you just say?"

"I had to keep myself from laughing." He chuckled. "I was trying to act as serious as possible. I hope I didn't scare you, too much. Congratulations, you are the Bangtan Girl. Your audition was great. You've done well."

"No way. No friggin way, are you serious right now!?" She started to form hot tears in her eyes as she started to get emotional.

"Your stage name is Jennie just like in your verse. I'm looking forward to watching you grow here. I'll be watching you closely. I have faith in you, kid." He said as she bowed

"Thank you so much." She wiped her tears. She had to urge to hug him but she wanted to try to stay professional.

"Your stuff is being moved to BTS' dorm. You'll be staying there from now on," He dismissed her.

She leaves the office and jumps up and down, running down the hallway with excitement. She quickly calls her parents. "Mom!"

"What?! What happened!? Is everything okay!?" She exclaimed in panic at Jen's sudden yelling.

"I'm the Bangtan Girl! I passed the audition! They picked me!" She yelled as her mom screamed and yelled to her husband to tell him the good news.

"I knew you could do it kiddo!" Jennie hears her father's voice.

After she finishes her conversation with her parents, she calls V and meets him in front of the Big Hit building. V runs and wraps his arms around her in a giant bear hug, spinning her around. 

"I knew you could do it Ennie!" He laughed.

"This is so surreal, Tae. I'm in BTS!" She shakes him as he continues to laugh at her excitement.

"Come on, let's head to the dorm."

"R-right now?"

"Yeah!" He grabbed her hand to walk with her. "Don't be nervous! They're all very eager to meet you!"

"Seriously?"

"We found out right after the audition and when you girls left."

"I still can't believe this is happening."

"Believe it Ennie!"

As they make their way to the dorm, Tae opens the door. "MEET THE NEWEST MEMBER OF BTS! THE BANGTAN GIRL! JENNIE IS HERE!" He happily yelled in the dorm.

Almost instantly she hears yells and happy screams of excitement as the guys rush up to her while V gently pushes her inside and shuts the door. She almost laughed at how eager everyone was to meet her. They were bursting with energy. She could get used to this warm welcome.

"There she is!" Hobi screeched out of excitement

"We've been waiting for you!" Jin grinned

"She's pretty!" Jimin yelled

"H-hi!" She nervously greeted them as they all started talking at once.

"Yah! Guys, don't smother her! Let her breathe! One at a time! One-at-a-time!" Tae protectively grabbed her hand and took her further into the dorm as the rest of the boys followed them, continuing to ask questions.

"You two are just in time for dinner! Let's eat!" Jin announced.

"Aren't you gonna introduce us to her, Tae?" Jimin pointed out as they got settled to eat

"Ladies first." Namjoon gestured as Jen smiled nervously.

"My name is Jennifer, you can call me Jennie, Jen, or whatever nickname you come up with for me. I'm from America. I'm 15. Bang PD told me my stage name in BTS will be Jennie. I have two sisters who are 18, and I'm looking forward to working with you guys."

"You have a pretty smile!" Hobi pointed out. "So adorable!"

Jennie starts to feel her face heat up at the constant compliments. She wasn't used to this at all. She buries her face in her hands.

"Ahhh she's shy!" Hobi yelled as the guys started getting wild but Namjoon.

"Yah! Pipe down!" Namjoon calmed them down and turned to her. "Hello, I'm Namjoon. Better known as Rap Monster. I'm the leader of the group. Looking forward to working with you. I was impressed by your performance."

"Nice to meet you. I noticed you watching me closely. I was a bit intimidated." She admitted.

"Haha, really?" He raised a brow. 

"Yeah like you and the glasses and everything. You scared me a bit." She chuckled.

"Sorry if I scared you. I was so focused on your performance. You just caught my attention." he smiled, revealing his dimples. "They made a good choice. Looking forward to seeing what else you can do."

"He's not scary at all, trust me," Hobi reassured. "Hello~ I'm Hoseok. You can call me by my stage name is J-Hope or Hobi."

"I'm the oldest, Jin. Anything you need, just let me know." Jin smiled politely.

"I'm Jimin. The coolest member of the group." He boasted as the guys disagreed and started hitting him with pillows, making Jennie laugh out loud. She could get used to their shenanigans.

Jungkook was usually shy around girls but Jen's demeanor made him relax and less nervous. He smiled awkwardly and looked away, avoiding eye contact until he heard her warm voice which made him look into her eyes.

"Hi, I'm Jennie. Nice to meet you. Your name?" She greeted.

"I'm Jungkook." 

"I'm Min Yoongi. You can call me Suga." He greeted her as she nodded and smiled

"Eat up!" Jin gestured as they all began to eat. 

Jennie finally managed to use chopsticks the proper way and chowed away.

"Guess you'll be a part of the Maknae line," Namjoon confirmed, remembering she said she was 15. "Your birthday?"

"November 10th."

"Ahh she's younger than Jungkook! She'll be our baby girl!" Jimin announced. "So what is America like?"

"It's what you make of it. I hope one day we'll all be able to go together and you can experience it yourselves." She smiled. "I still need to get used to eating properly and bowing here. I'm still not adjusted to your culture yet but I will soon. Please be patient with me guys."

"You're fine, don't worry about it." Yoongi waved her doubts away.

"What are your passions," Hobi asked

"I really love performing and meeting fans. I just love to sing and dance for fun. Music is my life." She happily revealed.

"What do you like to eat? I can put it in future references." Jin chimed in.

"Some foods I like are pizza, white chocolate, fish and chicken."

"Once we get some Korean food in you, I'm sure that'll also be your favorite food, too."

"I bet they will."

"Hey, what's your favorite color?" Jungkook eagerly asked.

"I like purple." She responded

"Any hobbies?" Namjoon questioned

"I like to play the guitar. Play occasional video games and golf." Jen addressed.

"Golf?" Jin asked in amazement.

"I'm not that good but I like the sport. It's fascinating to check out." She pointed out.

The rest of the dinner went great as she started to feel less nervous and excited to be working with BTS. The boys were so nice and welcoming towards her.

"Oh yeah, let's show Jen her room!" Yoongi announced as he stood up. The boys escorted her to a small room in the dorm. "Since you're a girl, we're sure you wanted your privacy. It's smaller than the rest of ours. I hope it's all right."

"No, it's perfect." She turned to them, looking appreciative. "Thanks, guys."

Later that night, everyone got ready for bed. Jennie said goodnight to everyone and laid under the covers in her new home. On her back, she looked up at the ceiling with a huge smile on her face.

"I'm going to like it here...I'm so happy. Thank you, Lord, for this opportunity." She sighed in contentment and fell asleep.

#bts #bangtan boys #bts 8th member #jungkook x oc #jungkook #bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts added member #bts additional member #jungkook fluff #taehyung #Taehyung fluff #bts female member

[look-how-they-massacred-them]

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Cassandra Cain

Submission reason:

DC executives hated to see a batgirlboss winning and gave her an extremely OOC villain arc to purposefully destroy her character. Throughout Cass's Batgirl arc, one of the most core parts of her character is that she doesn't kill. She's more hardcore about the no-kill rule than Bruce is - she even breaks into a high security prison to free a murderer on death row because "he could change"! Cass believes *everyone* deserves the chance to change for the better, regardless of what they've done, and this is heavily influenced by her own traumatic past that had left her haunted with guilt. To have her suddenly go from that, to being like "actually maybe killing people is fine :p villain arc time!", was jarring to say the least. Now, I can't go any deeper than that because I haven't read beyond the very beginning of this arc, but I heard it also fell into stereotypical Chinese dragon lady tropes and erased her disabilities? So uh. Good lord. Eventually, DC went back on this and made it so that she was actually being brainwashed the entire time, and let her be written as her usual self again (albeit very sidelined). But then the New 52 happened. For those who aren't aware of comic book fuckery, the New 52 was the most recent hard reboot of the DC universe, and was highly controversial for ruining a lotttt of pre-established beloved characterizations. Fortunately, Cass wasn't subject to this! Unfortunately, that was because she was removed from canon ENTIRELY. Writers have talked about how they weren't allowed to put her in comics during that time, iirc they couldn't even put her in Lil Gotham which was a non-canon slice of life spinoff. I could be wrong about that, though. After like, 4 or 5 years I think? Cass was allowed to be in comics again, though she no longer got to be Batgirl until the next soft reboot in 2021. I can't say much about this era, because I haven't read much stuff from Rebirth cause it kinda sucks. Nowadays, Cass is finally getting some time in the spotlight again and is having pieces of her original lore return to being canon, nature is healing.

Cassandra Cain was invented to be the second Batgirl in an effort to get more women in Batman comics, and met with a lot of resistence before even being created because people were really attached to Barbara Gordon, the first (major) Batgirl. Despite this, she was a hit, due to being a unique and inventive character, and she got a long-running solo comic. One of her major defining character traits was a passionate refusal to kill; another was being arguably the best martial artist in the world with the ability to read body language to such a degree of accuracy it allowed her to dodge bullets. Then a guy named Dan Didio became a bigwig at DC and he, with the help of others, systematically and intentionally massacred her character because they resented that Barbara wasn't Batgirl anymore. At first, she was made into a coldblooded killer. Then she was written out entirely from the universe reboot (long story) and there was an embargo on using her character. Then she was brought back, but only as a shadow of her former self with nerfed fighting skills and little personality, and also not Batgirl anymore. Didio has since been fired and they're trying to recover her character from the massacre, but the decades long massacre has left a mark that's still clearly visible.

For a few years, Cass suffered a villain arc that portrayed her as the complete opposite of who she is: a ruthless killer rather than a compassionate hero who strove to never take a single life ever again after killing someone as a child. Furthermore, this arc erased her language disabilities, making her extremely proficient in multiple languages and completely ignoring her previous struggles to learn how to read and write. And finally, this arc was also extremely racist. Cass is half-Chinese, and this arc’s characterization of her was none other than an instance of the infamous “dragon lady” trope.

Propaganda:

She has canonically wiped the floor with Batman several times and has a room that is a complete disaster. She is everything.

#look how they massacred them poll #look how they massacred my girl #dc comics #cassandra cain #dc cassandra #batgirl cassandra cain

[marinesocks]

writeblr intro!!

hi hi!! i'm helena/danger (she/her) and i'm new to tumblr but i saw a bunch of people doing writeblr introductions and wanted to join in!! i'm a bit shy when it comes to reaching out but if you interact with me at all i will like. 100% respond!!! ok here goes!!

about me

i am a:

adult,

lesbian,

ADD haver,

third culture kid,

hobbyist reader,

psych major,

avid dog enthusiast,

wannabe artist,

horror movie fan,

ecology nerd,

and, as you might have guessed,

a writer!!

i'm not incredible at it but for some reason i cant stop doing it so here i am!!

favorite genres/niches

fantasy mostly!!!

i like to think i like plot but honestly i'll like anything if the characters are good enough

HUGE mythology and folktale fan!! i have very strong opinions on how to incorporate those into a novel tho, so only ask about that if you dare!!

surprise creepy concepts and crapsaccharine worlds are like my favorite of all time. i 100% support lying about the contents of a project to keep that twist extra shocking!!

romcoms might not be my favorite but im a sucker for cute couples, especially if they are LGBTQ+

psychological horror is excellent, one of my favorites (even if i'd never dare to write it)

depictions and representations of mental health is probably the thing that's most consistent throughout my work? maybe its just the psych major talking but i find that stuff endlessly fascinating

i've lived in various places overseas for most of my life, so i enjoy stories set in unique locations absolutely DRENCHED in culture!!

current projects

i feel a bit awkward sharing these because again, i'm not a great writer, but i like reading about other writeblr's projects so i figured i'd give other people the option of seeing mine! warning for pretentious titles for very straightforward and basic concepts

WIP - flowers that mean "we'd miss you" - a short story I wrote while testing out subtext, character dynamics and prose!! the basic run-down is that a boy wakes up in the hospital and now he and his friends have to navigate a very difficult conversation. the subject matter definitely requires a content warning, and it has a few gaps i still need to fill, but overall i really like the direction it's headed!! out of all of these projects, it's probably the one i have the least issues with.

in the ataraxis of aftermath - this one is a novel i wrote for NaNoWriMo 2020! it is post-apocalyptic with elements of fantasy, slice-of-life, and romance, specifically lgbtq+ romance. it's about a girl exploring what remains of her flooded city when she suddenly finds another survivor. despite the genre, this novel is very slow-paced and calm, relying more on the character dynamics and emotional journey of the protagonist instead of traditional story beats and plotlines!! i finished the whole first draft that november (and without any real outline to guide me, so altogether it's a bit of a mess), and i plan on rewriting it after i finish the two following projects!!

WIP - the owl's wish - originally intended as a short story for just a friend and i, this project is quickly expanding into a full-on novel!! it's a haikyuu!! fanfic, but i've been told that the story is well enough removed from the show that it can work even if you don't that context. the only summary i can give without spoilers is that it's about an owl spirit with amnesia who finds a friend, and together they set off to get their wishes granted by the mysterious Lady of the Yellow Springs (but it's about more than that, i promise ;) ). it's set in ancient japan, and i referenced a few traditional fairytales when drawing up the outline, but otherwise it's a completely original folktale that can hopefully be accessible to anyone who picks it up!!

WIP - currently titled ouroboros paradox - this is a novel i am currently plotting, so honestly i'm not so sure how much i can say!! this is a fantasy novel coming from my intense passion for large creatures, horror elements, and norse mythology. as far as i know now, the story will follow two protagonists in the city of jörmungandr - one from the past and one in the present - as they try to navigate life, religion and ethics in a world where murdering living beings lengthens your lifespan. i plan on finishing my outline before this november, so i can try to hit 50K for nanowrimo this year!!

where to find me

Instagram, Wattpad, Art Fight, AO3, & Toyhouse! If you would like to read my writing but don't have a Wattpad account, i've linked the google docs directly to the titles :)

and that should be it!! if you read this far imagine i am giving you a very firm handshake with very watery eyes. if you'd like to reach out, ask questions, or share some of your story tidbits with me, please do!! i'd be so happy to reciprocate however you'd like :) have a great day!! drink some water!!!

#writeblr intro #wip intro #writblr #writeblr #writers on tumblr #lesbian writer #looking for friends #looking for mutuals #im very shy but if you want to reach out like at all i 100% will #like im 110% serious i love writing friends i'd be so happy to make more mutuals #even if you want to just ramble about something you haven't been able to like... hmu bestie i love listening to that #not even kidding let me be the audience for your passionate speeches i am begging you #helena says stuff

[legallybrunettedotcom]

hello !! :) today a friend of mine asked me this question and if you’re ok with it, i wanted to know your version: if you could host a party with your favourite artists ever (musicians, directors, writers, editors, actors etc) what kind of party would you organize & who would you invite?

oh what a fun question! feel free to tell me your own choices, anon! would love to know! i think i'll make it a dinner party. i can envision a beautifully decorated table, some candles, it's intimate, it's cozy. i don't know if all these people would mesh well but they are my favourites and i've connected with their artistry and work.

i definitely need fka twigs there. she's such a renaissance woman. so incredibly talented and curious. i remember when i first stumbled upon her back in high school, it was the two weeks music video and it was like finding a precious gemstone. even at that moment it felt like i just witnessed something important and crucial. everything she does is so cohesive and sturdy and idk how else to say it, but some music is like a snack, while her albums and everything that comes with them is like a five-course meal.

then i'll say trent reznor. he's a genius to me. i discovered nine inch nails when i was like 20 and it was the perfect moment. he gets me. he gets self-loathing like no one else. he wants to skin himself alive and you can hear it in his voice. there's so much variety in his discography, from industrial to these more ambient and atmospheric albums to his movie soundtrack endeavour. i think he also stayed true to his artistry, as much as one can, and i think he's funny, very no bullshit allowed type of person so yeah. and he has a super hot and talented wife that needs to come to my party too.

ok so another musician, david bowie. he's another renaissance person. i like re-invention, i like never staying the same, trying to fit as many lives as you possibly can in one life. he has that chameleon-like quality in his work and when i first discovered his music it was this moment of recognition, of someone getting the anxiety and passion that comes with creativity.

i need a painter now, and i'm choosing jean-michel basquiat. when i was a child, i used to catch this movie called basquiat from 1996 on tv all the time and i was so transfixed. looking back it's not a particularly great movie or like a super accurate depiction of his life, but at the time i didn't know that. i was just in awe. like as an idk 10 year old i've never seen someone so interesting and different and cool. it was a sort of entrance into the art world beyond those like classic old masters.

for film, well my favourite director is david fincher. i would say that everyone i list here gets my heart and the emotional aspect, while he gets my brain. his films scratch my brain and there is something clinical and sterile about his films that attracts me. he dissects things, he's a surgeon and an investigator, he gets research, all his characters are obsessive freaks who can't stop peeling the layers of the object of their obsession.

another film person. i'm choosing someone who is a menace and might create some commotion at the party and that's dennis hopper. his story, in his own words, is the one of great potential largely squandered by a rebellious nature and self-destructive hedonism. he's just an interesting guy and i think it would be so fun to hear his stories, but underneath all these crazy stories and like life ruining decisions is someone whose approach to life is very much create or die.

i think i need a writer there and tbh i don't really have favourite writers. i have my favourite books but i still haven't found my writer, like someone who i cling to, but i'll choose my favourite poet who is rainer maria rilke. he wasn't really religious but his poetry was doused in it, the way he talked about God was so beautiful and different. his art was his prayers and i feel like all i was supposed to get from religion i never did, but instead it was art and philosophy that offered that to me. he was someone who believed he was nothing if he wasn't an artist and he was this eternal spectator in life, you can really see his dedication to details in his words. i love the way he talks about nature, i am instantly there wherever his words are. i think he was just a very sensitive soul burdened by the search for truth that he'll never be able to touch.

i think i'll stop here. it's so funny bc i now notice 5 out of 7 of these are earth signs lmao.

[wickedsrest-rp]

Name: Ashton Taylor Murphy Species: Muse Occupation: Writer / Former Publicist of Margot Fisher Age: 95 Years Old (Looks about 30) Played By: Lashae Face Claim: Perry Mattfeld

"Death doesn't wait on the living."

Ashton Taylor Murphy was born to an Irish immigrant in the late twenties. She enjoyed the recounting of her family's rich and tragic history.

Her mother, Maeve Murphy, was aboard a steamship headed to America in the early 1900s, the last of her family, a survivor of what she could only describe as a massacre. The Murphy family had coexisted with humans, inspiring them to their full potential for years without harm. The hunter didn't seem to care because the human was a victim regardless of the beauty they created, the type of beauty that could move one to tears. 

The States provided a vast pool of untapped potential and the ability to wade among the waters almost unnoticeably. This flexibility allowed Maeve to fall in love many times over, but never to the point of taking the life of a wordsmith. Every relationship had an end until she found herself with a child. Ashton Taylor Murphy was born in the late twenties. Maeve spoke fondly of her father, telling little Ashton Taylor about his work and reading his poems with tears in her eyes. 

Maeve kindled a love of reading and writing for young Ashton. She devoured poetry and novels at unprecedented rates, and when the time came, she found herself craving more than the words on a page. Maeve explained it all to her then, which was what Ashton needed as she approached her teenage years. One rule: Don't get attached; leave before they give everything because they will give you everything if you let them. Maeve showed her how to respect and feed potential without taking the artist's life. As her mother, Ashton preferred artists who weaved their words across the page to invigorate the mind and soul to passions they otherwise could not ascend. 

The rule was easy for a time. Ashton would leave one to pursue another, inspiring provocative poetry and novels. She found work as a publicist for aspiring authors and kept her residence near her mother and other muses, who banded together to preserve their charges and create beautiful works. Their aos sí was formed in Wicked's Rest. 

Ashton understood the warning, but then she met Margot Fisher, a budding novelist living in the town. She radiated talent like the sun, and Ashton was Icarus in flight. Maeve saw where it was going, a spiraling disaster, but Ashton could not leave it. There were so many stories swimming in Margot's head. When she grew concerned for Margot's life, she told her mother there was only one more book, one more, and Ashton would find a way to leave her.

Instead, Margot proposed at the book launch. One book turned into another series, and Ashton found it more challenging to control her needs. After the marriage, Ashton and her mother's relationship drifted apart, every conversation ending in an omen of impending doom. Ashton would not have that negativity, though her mother only tried to protect her from the coming pain.

On October 26th, 1997, Margot Fisher passed away; she left a legacy as a best-selling author and her loving partner, Ashton Murphy-Fisher. There should have been an obituary for Ashton because part of her died alongside her lover. 

It's only been a handful of years, and Ashton has yet to speak to her mother or anyone involved with the aos sí out of shame and guilt or selfishly blaming her mother for not doing more to stop her. Her mother tries to keep in touch, but it only causes Ashton to react negatively. She exists now as a shell of what once was a muse.

Character Facts:

Personality: Selfish, impulsive, cynical, perfectionist, dramatic, personable, sophisticated, confident, dedicated

Ashton Taylor Murphy-Fisher was born July 30th, She is a Leo.

After Margot's death she dropped the Fisher name and goes my Ashton Taylor Murphy or just Murphy.

Ashton considers herself a lesbian. However, she keeps charges of all identities and indulges in varying degrees of relationships with them all. The only lasting relationship was with Margot. She treats her love affairs like flickering flames that burn bright and hot for a very short time.

Ashton used to be very different. Some may remember her before Margot, those old enough to. Ashton was optimistic and loved written art, poems, novels, and lyrics. Words held so much passion and beauty. There was an apparent change after losing her wife. She doesn't allow herself to get attached to anyone now. 

Ashton keeps a list of writers she has kept as charges. She sees Margot in all of them and their ultimate early demise as little more than the price of fame. Each one detaches her further from the guilt. 

All charges she keeps now are fully informed, and understands the risks and agrees to a formal deal. It does a little to ease her conscience.

Ashton has distanced herself from her aos sí. She is not ready to face her family, as they had urged her against getting too close. 

#bio #taken #muse #taken muse #fae #taken fae #better half #perry mattfeld

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Hi! Can I get a Supernatural matchup?

- My Pronouns are she/her.

- Currently a university student majoring in clinical mental health (considering switching to art rn).

- I'm an artist, writer, and musician.

- I'm an INTJ and I'm a rather big fan of having my own personal time to decompress.

- I have a more detached social style so I'm considered "hard to get to know" sometimes because I'm not super social.

- I spend my time painting, playing piano, playing video games, or doing my own personal research.

- I enjoy going to literature events like poetry readings, and I also enjoy going to art shows.

- I go to oil painting seminars regularly and have my own personal collection of fine art and poetry.

- I'm an avid player of Dungeons and Dragons (I'm a massive Baldur's Gate fan) and my favorite thing about it is making up character backstories and doing art of my characters.

- I enjoy the aesthetic of tattoos and plan on getting a sword on my sternum.

- My love language is quality time/parallel play. I enjoy doing my own thing while someone else does their thing.

- I enjoy civil debates and going to theatre. I enjoy going to musicals and plays.

- My favorite musicians are Hozier, Type O Negative, Flora Cash, Florence and the Machine, Lord Huron, and Metallica.

- My favorite books are Crime and Punishment, Dracula, Pride and Prejudice, and The Strange Tale of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

- I'm a big fan of snacks and snacking and I keep a (large) bag of pretzels and a redbull in my tote bag.

- My family calls me a Renaissance reincarnation because of my varied interests.

(I have a preference for male/masculine presenting characters)

Hello! Here's your SPN matchup! I hope you like it! <333333

---

(Romantic);

---

Supernatural;

Castiel:

🐝 Who knew that already being friends with Dean and Sam would lead you to meeting Castiel - you had known the boys for probably more than a year, and then you finally get to know the man behind all of the funny bee stories; though you are not too social with new people/people in general, Cas is the same, so you both go slow and slowly warm up to each other

🐝 Once you both get used to each other, it's not long until you become good friends - Cas sometimes get caught staring at you by Sam and Dean, and when he goes to them for help on these new feelings he's having, Sam gives him advice; near the end of the seven months of being friends, Cas gifts you the First Edition of Pride and Prejudice

🐝 Skipping to when you both are official, you and Cas spend some quality time together - when you're not in college studying or when you are not busy in general; you often bring Cas to the poetry readings or go to art shows - and when not out and about together, you both paint or just eat a ton of snacks while listening to music (my money says he likes Hozier too)

🐝 If you need time alone to decompress, Cas totally understands, he'll find something else to in the meantime, maybe go find some bees...

🐝 Cas loves learning more about you, your favorite snacks, hobbies, movies, and so on, he could spend hours just learning how to play D&D just so he could play with you or have a conversation with you about it; he loves how passionate you are in the things that you like, and how kind and understanding you are once he got to know you - he just massively adores you in general

#cute #fluff #x reader #request #requested #spn #supernatural #castiel #cas #castiel x reader