#a little aimless piece since i wanted to try some stuff out!!

[delicourse]

universe soup🐟🦋✨

#Stone Ocean #JJBA #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #jolyne cujoh #Jolyne Kujo #deliart #a little aimless piece since i wanted to try some stuff out!! #confession: i havent wacthed the latest(last) part yet #but ive read the manga so im really curious how they portray certain parts... #need to get the time together to watch it someday... #hope we get some cool alt colors...

[fruitsparty]

for no particular reason i'm just gonna text dump about my life as it currently stands as of nov 12 2023

things are going fairly well. i've been working at my library for the past two years and earlier this year i became full-time so things feel steady. it's not amazing money by any means, but it's the most i've made in my life. i have the best coworkers i could ask for and i count myself lucky for that, and can only hope to keep them in my life for as long as possible. the city that i'm employed by does some bullshit sometimes but it's never been malicious or anything like that. as far as careers are concerned, libraries were never on my radar, but this gig was a happy accident that i am content with. i still don't know if it's something i want to do for a long time, as i have never been particularly interested in the field, but maybe it's something i will learn to love.

i finally bought my first car at the very end of september, and the process of acquiring it fucking sucked, but it's all behind me now and i can enjoy not having a piece of shit for a vehicle. i never liked the idea of owing anybody anything, so it hurt a lot to spend half of my savings towards the car and still have years of payments to make on it in a time where rates are higher than before. still, it's kind of nice slowly building a life piece by expensive-ass piece with purchases like that. i'm trying to be a financially responsible person with what i have while keeping in mind that life is short and sometimes getting sushi or going to the movies is nice.

i've started going to the gym back in July, and it was the natural next step towards bettering my health and body image as i age. i took up running back in 2021 because of my lovely girlfriend and it went from being enjoyable to obligatory as time went on, although i still enjoy it in some capacity. the gym was both a way for me to keep things interesting as well as to get physically stronger. i'm still learning, but i know more about making the most out of my time in and out of the gym while still trying to be casual about it. part of me wishes that i took up this kinda stuff a long time ago, but as they say, better late than never.

as for what i have to look forward to, Jenny and I will be going to see Anamanaguchi in LA this Friday, and it's gonna be a blast. I've wanted to see them in concert since i was in high school, so this will be very fulfilling for my old teenage desires. i don't really draw much anymore, which is kind of sad, but also there's just so much going on in my personal and professional life that leaves little left for much else. i still doodle on occasion, but i think i have long abandoned any sort of artistic pursuit.

otherwise, i am just going to keep doing what i'm doing and try to keep my head above water. as a person who has been very aimless since 18, with no credentials or accolades or higher education to his name, with little to no ambition for anything, and with a body and mind that feel at odds with the world and its demands, i think i'm finally doing okay, and that feels good. i still have a long way to go, but maybe life isn't so bad after all

#blabber #been a while

[much-obliged-timothy]

Devil May Cry: Unexpected Ties Part 10

Good news! I finally got around to uploading this to AO3. I’ll be posting the whole thing there, edited with new content and scenes and an additional chapter that I won’t be putting on Tumblr to wrap it all up. I’m hoping to put more DMC content on AO3 in the near future! And, as always, you can find the masterpost for this series here! I originally was going to leave this as the last chapter, but decided to write one more to celebrate putting it on AO3!

*

Nero kept up his training by himself, but didn’t venture to the forest again. Credo started play fighting with him again as Nero calmed his attacks.

But the older boy and his sister weren’t around much as the town got back to normalcy as the panic from the attack subsided. Credo resumed his regular training and Kyrie continued her singing lessons.

That left Nero on his own once again. Dante saw the other kids occasionally bullying Nero, but Nero would yank his hood over his head and storm away from them more often than he would yell at them over it. 

It was sad, really. Nero’s anger was bred by the actions of others; the boy had a kind heart. Dante regularly spotted Nero doing kind things for others, seemingly without thought. He’d tear off pieces of his sandwich at lunch to feed the birds or stray animals. He’d jog up the street to help an elderly citizen carry their bags. He’d climb up the side of a building to pull down a frisbee a little kid had accidentally tossed on the roof. 

But Dante could see that kindness slowly being buried by the anger. It was always there, always escaping through in those little thoughtful acts. But his anger and his pain occasionally made him hesitate before going to help someone, like he feared their rejection. Or, sometimes Dante feared, like he figured they could shoulder their own burdens like they made him shoulder his alone.

Dante worried what the kid would grow into being treated like this his whole childhood. He had so few people that cared for him. He was fiercely loyal and protective of the ones who did. 

That kind of isolated love could warp him just as easily as the total isolation of Vergil’s existence. Dante couldn’t help but worry over the boy.

He kept thinking of Nero’s words. What if he really did take the kid with him…?

He didn’t kid himself for a second that he could give Nero a normal childhood. But he could give him family, balanced training, and a focused purpose. 

Ah, who was Dante kidding? Certainly not himself. He didn’t know the first thing about raising a kid.

Besides, if he took Nero with him, surely the truth would eventually come out. Would Nero be mad at Dante for not telling him that first time they met? Or would he understand that Dante was only trying to protect him by hiding the truth from him?

Dante tried not to think on it too hard.

Right now, he watched Nero as the boy sat by himself, headphones on and drawing aimless shapes in the dirt with a stick. It was a nice evening, but it was starting to get late and Nero hadn’t eaten anything since lunch. 

Dante heaved a sigh and jumped down to the street. He knew he needed to leave Fortuna soon. The longer he was here, the worse he was making the situation. But he didn’t want to end on the note they’d last parted on.

He strolled over to Nero and kicked the stick out of his hand. Nero jerked his head up in surprise, eyes going wide and the hint of a shy smile on his face when he realized who was standing there.

He pulled his headphones down around his neck. “Hi, Dante.”

“I was heading to grab some pizza when I spotted you. Want a bite?” Dante offered.

Nero nodded and stood up, turning his music off. He fell into step beside Dante.

Dante got them each a slice of pizza and they retreated to a sidestreet to eat together, sitting on boxes. Nero was uncharacteristically quiet.

“Alright kid, why’s the cat got your tongue all of a sudden?” Dante asked.

“I thought you might be mad at me,” he admitted, not looking at Dante.

“Nah, kid’s do dumb stuff a lot. I’m not one to hold a grudge,” he said. “If I was, would I have bought you pizza? It’s a sacred meal not to be shared with enemies.”

Nero smiled a little at that, looking relieved. “Oh. Okay.”

“Something else on your mind?” Dante asked.

Nero seemed to consider for a moment before nodding to himself. He looked up and finally met Dante’s eyes. “Can we, um, can we…can we just play, Dante? Like the day we met?” He looked a little desperate. “I didn’t mean to make you mad at me. I just wanna play.”

“Promise not to be a dummy again?” Dante asked, playfully bopping his fist against Nero’s head.

Nero relaxed even more. “Promise.”

They finished eating and Nero retrieved his ball for them to play. They started up a game of catch, just like that first day.

Nero seemed to loosen up the longer they played. He gave his high-pitched, boyish squeal of delight when he managed to toss the ball over Dante’s head and make him chase it. His grins were triumphant every time he caught the ball, and his enthusiasm drove him to keep playing even when he was clearly out of breath.

And Dante found he was having fun, too. He drove dramatically for the ball or let it hit him in the face to get a laugh out of Nero. He’d throw it over the kid’s head just to tease him, taunting him whenever Nero had to run and chase the ball.

The sidestreet echoed with their laughter and taunts. Nero’s bright smile and shining eyes made him look more like a happy young child than Dante had ever seen him.

He didn’t want this to end. He didn’t want to acknowledge that sinking feeling in his gut that told him this was it.

But Nero was a child. His endurance was better than that of a human, but he was still a young child.

He collapsed on the ground, arms splayed out and chest heaving. He was still beaming a smile, even as he gasped for breath.

When he had enough breath to giggle, he did so. He sat up and propped his arms on his knees.

Dante went and sat beside him, setting the ball down in front of them. Nero hesitantly leaned against Dante’s arm, relaxing when Dante didn’t push him off or move away.

“Tired?” Dante said, grinning down at him.

Nero returned the grin, his face flushed from running around so much. “Little bit. But I still did better than you.”

Dante let out a dramatic groan. “I’m old. Take it easy on me, kid.”

Nero giggled again, pressing a hand to his mouth to try and stifle it. “Nah. Keep up, old man.”

The sun had set and the stars were starting to decorate the sky overhead. Nero looked up at them, his head resting on Dante’s shoulder.

“Do the stars look the same outside of Fortuna?” he asked.

“I…never really paid attention,” Dante said, glancing up at the sky. 

“I look at the stars a lot,” Nero admitted. 

“Well, someday you’ll look at them from somewhere other than Fortuna. I know it,” Dante said.

Nero smiled softly. “Yea. I’d like that. Thanks for playing with me, Dante.”

Dante put his arm around Nero. “You’re not the only one who had fun with it, Nero.”

Nero seemed unspeakably pleased by that. The two fell into a comfortable silence, just watching the sky together.

It was all coming to an end; Dante could feel it. But for tonight, he held his nephew to his side and watched the stars with him, pretending their time together was as infinite as the sky above them.

#devil may cry #Dante Sparda #Nero Sparda #dmc dante #dmc nero #DMC #devil may cry fanfiction #dmc fanfiction #dmc unexpected ties #My writing

[kationella]

Next in the list we have:

Tatsuya Suou

And I thought the others had it bad.

A family consisting of the working father, the housewife mother, the intelligent older son and the spirited younger son. A happy, textbook family. Tatsuya himself used to follow Katsuya around, showing that the two brothers shared a close relationship.

However, kids grow. Even without the events that would follow, Tatsuya and Katsuya would begin to distance themselves as Katsuya finally adopted the role of the "older brother". Everyone can testify that children hate it when a sibling tries to boss them around.

The events that would mark the rest of Tatsuya's life took place when he was ten years old, the day he met his best friends. I believe that Tatsuya didn't have any "close" friends before he met the Masked Circle, which would explain why he latched onto the three kids he met that day so fast.

Jun took a special place in Tatsuya's heart, at first because he was the first friend he met, though later they would click and compliment each other in everything. However, unlike Jun, Tatsuya would never place Maya in a motherly role. She would always be Big Sister for him.

After all, he already has a loving mother to fill that role. And isn't that what big siblings do? Take care of you whenever you go out to play and teach you stuff? Big Sister Maya would come to stand in the same category as Katsuya. The difference between the two would be Maya's gentle hand that would make Tatsuya listen to her easier than Katsuya.

At this point, Tatsuya already developed his dislike for people getting into his business.

We all know what happens next. Alaya Shrine Incident. Tatsuya gets lightly stabbed and traumatized. Lil boy blocks his memories of his childhood friends as self-defense.

The Suous would suffer another tragedy when, in his search for the arsonist, Dad Suou gets fired. Little Tatsuya looks up to his mother to do something. And what does she do?

Nothing.

This would become a changing point in Tatsuya's personality. We can guess from his dialogue that he sees "passive attitudes" in a negative light. If people see an injustice, they should do something about it. I feel that this would be what made Katsuya stand a little higher in Tatsuya's eyes: Unlike their parents, Katsuya immediatly set to work and did everything he could to support their family and at the same time take care of his little brother.

Ironically, this would be the beginning of the strain in the Suou brothers' relationship.

Whenever Katsuya asked about his schoolwork or grades Tatsuya would think him strict. Whenever Katsuya inquired about any friends Tatsuya would think him overbearing. Whenever Tatsuya would try to set some distance Katsuya would get more insistent, making Tatsuya lash out and Katsuya to discipline him. Both get angry and stop talking for a while.

And repeat.

In his eyes, Katsuya took a role he shouldn't have, becoming a third parent instead of a sibling he should have been able to confide in.

Imagine if Makoto talked back to Sae in P5 and didn't do everything she was told. You get the Suou relationship.

The biggest concern is that Katsuya is the closest relationship Tatsuya has at the beginning of Innocent Sin. Without his childhood memories, Tatsuya has no reference of how to make friends while staying as himself, so he doesn't even try. His anti-passive view in life has caused more than one incident which made Tatsuya develop a Bad Boy reputation in Sevens and Kasugayama, which alienated him a bit more.

With no friends or expectations, Tatsuya slowly became indifferent when it came to his future. His parents hadn't moved on from their family tragedy years ago. Katsuya would forever dictate what was right and wrong. He had no other close companions to hang out with or impress. No view of the future except keep living.

Of course, a Bad Boy reputation will always attract certain kind of people, including admirers or people looking for a fight.

Innocent Sin brought an emotional rollercoaster for Tatsuya. He develops a wider support system and has things to look forward to (even if those things are taking down a shady cult).

Then the memories come back and Tatsuya has a purpose. Slowly, he's coming back to life.

In an instant all is ripped away due to two gods' game. Nothing mattered at all and he was just a chess piece in a wider scheme. They lose.

This revelation tears open an old wound that leads to Tatsuya to refuse to forget. He doesn't want to return to his aimless life. After punching Philemon in the face, Tatsuya's mentality changes once again.

By the time he recovers his memories in Eternal Punishment, Tatsuya decides to do things his way. Never again will he play by another god's rules. From now on he will do his best to make up for breaking his promise. And then... well, he will focus on his current goal.

What Tatsuya forgets is that there's people who care about him in this timeline as well. In his mind, Tatsuya is back in square one, so there's no one who would care if he went MIA for a few days (this isn't remotely true, Katsuya was always there).

Hovewer, now there's Katsuya, Anna, the friends he made in this timeline and recently Maya as well.

There was probably a small part in Tatsuya that believed he wouldn't survive this personal mission. He would die making up for his mistakes.

This mentality almost costed him his life at the hands of the Metal version of his friends.

As the game progresses, Tatsuya begins to trust his well-being on other people again, that there are still reliable adults out there and that there will always be something to fight for. Tatsuya must find his own personal purpose beyond his loved ones. Something that is solely his.

We won't see the end of his personal journey anytime soon, since that Tatsuya was sent back to the Other Side. At least now he has a plan in mind to help the Other Sumaru City and make up with his Other brother. He may thread this new path alone, but

Tatsuya cares now.

#persona 2 #tatsuya suou #analysis #meta

[pink-peony-princess]

Months on the making

"Please?" My best friend Ashley, begged, chasing me around the dorm room.

"I don't know," I sighed flopping down on the sofa and switching the TV on. It was 3 in the afternoon so there wasn't much on, but the aimless chatter was enough to block out the whining coming from my roommate.

"Please, please, please, I'll clean the toilet for a month, and you can use my Netflix and steal my lecture notes," she added. I looked at her laughing slightly as she got down on her knees and literally begged me. "Who knows," she added when I didn't respond. "It is a cross facility party, so you might even see some cute guys there, cute doctors," she added.

"Shawn won't be there, there's no way, he's a week out from starting his residency," I stated as if this ended it.

"Who said anything about Shawn?" She smirked, getting up. "You're coming!" She called, walking into the kitchen and returning with snacks. "I mean come on! It's not like you two haven't been sussing each other out all semester ever since you worked in that group project for communications, I mean it's clear you like each other, he's even told his buddies, make your move girl, he's perfect for you!" She encouraged.

"He sure is that," I agreed, dazed just thinking about him. He was tall and built, with broad shoulders, and soft brown curly hair, an award-winning smile and charm to boot. On top of all that he was a really nice guy. No one seemed to have a bad word to say about him.

Two hours later we walked into the party, and I was immediately taken aback by how many people were here. "I'm going to get a drink," Ashley yelled over the music. I nodded turning around, coming across the one face I didn't want to see.

"Oh shit, Hayden is here," I hissed, running to catch up to Ashley.

"Just try to ignore him, he's a douche!"

The night was going well and despite myself, I'd even started to relax and enjoy myself, Ashley had even managed to get Shawn and I talking, not that we didn't flirt with each other whenever we saw one another, but we never really got to have a real conversation- about the more meaningful stuff. We talked about everything from the way Ashley and Brian his best friend were flirting shamelessly, why he chose to live on campus even though he could have chosen to take his last few pre-residency classes online having successfully completed his residency year and what he was looking forward to most.

I was on a real high- he was so easy to talk to (and flirt with)- he'd even suggested we go out for breakfast which immediately got my heart racing. The thought of going out with Shawn-alone, was thrilling.

This changed however, when Shawn declared that he was going to get a drink and Ashley announced she was going to the bathroom, leaving me on the patio where we'd been chatting all alone. I heard the door go, expecting it to be one of them back already, but when I turned, I found Hayden, sauntering over to me, a disturbing smirk on his face. A third-year sports major, med school drop out Hayden was a class A arsehole that would try to get with any girl he could-everyone knew that. He'd had more security warnings than anyone else in our year and he'd decided that his latest challenge was me. It had started in communications class which all journalism, med and sports science majors took- along with a few others so it wasn't uncommon to run into people from other courses. Basically, if you had to talk to people as part of your career, you took the class.

But when I'd told him I wasn't interested, like so many others in the class before me had, he took that as a challenge and had made my life a living hell for the past three months.

"So Kenzie, you finally come to your senses?" He slurred, coming to stand mere inches from my face, his breath stunk of stale beer.

"Go shove it," I spat instinctively taking a step back in an effort to put some distance between us.

"Careful Kenz, you don't have your little pozzie with you now." He grabbed my wrist, slamming me into the side of the building, knocking the wind out of me. I could already feel where the rough stone was cutting into my exposed skin of my back, wrist aching.

"Get off me!" I yelled again, moving to push him away. This only seemed to anger him further though.

"Man she said to leave her alone, " another voice spoke, "so leave her alone." The figure was tall and it was only when they stepped into the light that I realised it was Shawn. Relief flooded me.

"What are you doing here Mendes? Come to protect your girl?" He taunted.

"Stopping a dickhead from doing something stupid," He spoke cooly, a new drink in his hand.

"Wait, what's your degree again, oh yeah...medicine, well let's see how good you really are!" He spoke, pulling me into him by my already pained limb and then thrusting me backward again, smashing me into the wall and ripping my dress in the process leaving me exposed and vulnerable. The relief I had felt moments earlier was replaced with terror.

My head was spinning, a dull ache starting at the base of my scalp, my legs gave out and I found myself on the ground, a shivering, shaking mess.

"Someone call security to come get this piece of shit out of here," Shawn called to the group of people that had assembled at the commotion before crouching down beside me.

"Are you okay, Kenz?" He asked, looking me up and down. I was in too much pain to care that he or anyone else was seeing me practically naked.

"Kenzie, Kenzie oh my God!" Ashley yelled, coming to a skidding halt beside me.

"Give me your coat," Shawn spoke urgently gesturing to the woollen material Ashely had wrapped around her. She handed it over quickly, allowing him to wrap it around me carefully.

"Brian, come help me get her up and inside," he called when he realised his friend had returned.

"We're just going to help you stand up okay?" Shawn spoke gently. Taking my hand.

"Owwww, owww, stop!" I begged, feeling another wave of dizziness and nausea wash over me.

"Right come here," He spoke, picking me up in one gentle but fluid movement. I closed my eyes then, but I could feel people pointing and starting as we made our way through the house and out into the night air. The breeze was cool and dry, bringing me to my senses a little more.

"Out of the way people. I'm half a mind just to take her to the hospital, " He muttered to Ashley and Brian who I could hear trailing behind.

"She won't like that, can't you check her out yourself?" Ashley pleaded and I silently thanked the heavens that I had a friend like her.

"I mean, I could, but if I think she needs to go to the hospital once I look her over, we go, " he bargained.

As we walked for what seemed like ages the pain only intensified my side now throbbing horribly. I was almost certain I was going to be sick when we came to a sudden stop, the lock on a door clicking open.

"Brian get the first aid kit and my bag?" Shawn asked, moving rapidly through space and placing me down onto what felt like a bed.

"Kenz, Kenzie, open your eyes for me, honey." He urged, tapping my arm. With great effort to fight the increasing lethargy, I opened my eyes, blinking furiously at the bright lights that stung my eyes overhead.

"Where are we?" I whispered, trying to ignore the pain- I felt like a life-sized ache.

"We're in my dorm room. I wanted to go to the hospital, but Ash said you may not like that so I brought you here. I have the stuff to treat you here, providing you don't need any further testing, " He explained, kneeling beside my bed as I looked around. I made the mistake of trying to get up, and immediately regretted it when my ribs protested angrily.

"Easy, easy, he warned his expression one of sympathy and concern. "Stay there Kenz, I'll move you if need be. Do you remember what happened?" He asked, glancing down at me with a soft smile. I nodded, somewhat reassured by Shawn's warmth and competency.

"Hayden, " My voice was hoarse from the shouting earlier. He nodded.

"Good, that's a good sign."

He stood up, reaching for several items by the door- the first aid kit and a bag- no doubt the one's he had asked Brian to retrieve.

"Where are you hurting?" He asked, looking me up and down, appraising my injuries. Just this small action made the tears I had been holding back, spillover, a mixture of pain, fear, relief and embarrassment. "Hey, hey, you're okay. Shhh, you don't need to cry, " He murmured, taking my hand gently in his, immediately enveloping me with warmth. I had known I liked him for months now, and every time we interacted this was affirmed more by small things he would do or say- getting me my favourite coffee before early morning tutes, offering to walk me to class. Yet somehow this felt so much more intimate and I almost forgot where we were until Ashley cleared her throat.

"Do- do you wanna help her change and we'll come back in a minute. You can have one of my shirts." Shawn spoke shaking his head as if clearing a fog as he got up and threw a soft sweater at the bed.

I nodded mutely, not trusting my voice.

"A little help?" I asked Ashley, when the door closed.

"Girl he is smit-ten, She sang, coming over to help undo the ripped material of my dress."

"Shut up! He's probably just outside the door,"

I hissed, wanting very much to hit her over the head, but not wanting to move again for fear of pain.

The shirt smelled like him- a mix of Sandalwood and some sort of earthy, almost woodsy tone.

"You can come back in, " She called when I was decent again and laying back on the bed.

Thankfully Shawn was extremely professional, acutely aware of the strange situation and my escalated anxiety. Asking permission before so much as taking my pulse.

When he got to my ribs, he stopped, barely touching the bottom of the sweater.

"May I?" I nodded, sucking in a huge breath as the anticipation of pain (and Shawn's touch) over whelmed me. I could help, but hold my breath, as he gently palpated the area, feeling in and around my ribs. "Nothing feels broken, " He commented, after a little bit.

"So no hospital?" I asked praying he agreed. His brow furrowed. I would still feel better if you saw a fully licensed doctor. I'll call my mate okay. Connor, he's really chilled," He spoke, pushing some baby hairs off my face. "In the meantime let's get these cuts and bruises sorted, " He smiled.

Not much was said for the next half an hour, Shawn working quietly and efficiently. The only time I felt any pain was when he and Ashley had to sit me up so he could clean and disinfect my back. My wrists he said, although badly bruised and about eight differ ent shades of purple would heal on their own.

I was just starting to get sleepy, Shawn tapping me every so often to keep me awake when there was a soft knock at the door, before a man around Shawn's age, maybe a few years older walked in.

"Kenzie is it? I'm Connor, he introduced himself with a smile. "Shawn told me what happened, is it okay if I have a look at your head."

I nodded, trusting him, because Shawn trusted him. And honestly I just wanted, no needed, sleep.

Like Shawn his assessment was thourough, but quick. "You can lay back again, " he murmured as he finished checking me over, putting his penlight back in his pocket and pulling his gloves off.

"So?" Shawn asked, looking between me and his friend.

Connor sighed, "Yeah, you're right, she does have a small concussion, you know the drill, rest, lots of fluids, wake her every hour. He got you good, I'm sorry to say, " he grimaced. "Is someone staying with her?" He asked looking between me, Shawn and Ashley.

"I could stay, I mean, if you're okay with that?"Shawn spoke looking to me.

I shrugged, hissing as the action, pulled at my ribs.

"Okay, it's settled then, " Ashley clapped, a sly smile on her face, which I could just see past Shawn's torso blocking most of my view as he sat beside me.

Brian and Ashley stayed for a little longer, chatting quietly between themselves as I lay there half awake, and exhausted, but unable to sleep. When Shawn declared that it was time for them to go, because the 'patient' needed rest (this got a glare), Ash tried to kick up a stink, no doubt hoping to witness more content with which she could hold over my head. Shawn however wasn't having it, and insisted they come back tomorrow.

"Finally, some peace, jeez, my head hurts," I laughed, again regretting it.

"Here, take these." He handed me some tablets and a bottle of water. Sitting beside the bed on a chair, which he had pulled from the desk across the room. "It's been one hell of a night! I'll have to take you out to make up for it, " He spoke casually.

I turned, surprised, not quite sure I believe what I was hearing.

"Like a date?" I sqeeked out, feeling my face flush.

"I mean, I just thought..." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"I'd like that," I smiled.

Get some rest and when you're better we'll organise something, it's been months in the making. Don't think I haven't noticed the way Ashley's been 'accidently' having to talk to the professor in comms class leaving us alone." He smiled.

I blushed, just thinking about it, damn, he was more perceptive than I thought. "Don't tease me, I'm sore, and tired, " I grumbled.

"I'm here if you need me, Honey, " He spoke, my heart swelling the nickname.

"Thank you, Shawn, "I spoke reaching for his hand as I finally fell to sleep.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagines #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes blurb #doctor!shawn #mendes triplets #werewolf!shawn #peter mendes

[lonestarbabe]

Eye of the Storm: Chapter 3: The Road You Take Alone

*Can be read as a stand alone (AO3)

Carlos tries not to let his mental health spiral out of control.

Carlos isn’t used to waking up to an empty bed, and he misses hitting a limb when he stretches his body too far onto the other side. Even though T.K. still technically lives with his dad, he’s been spending a good deal of time at Carlos’. Carlos has gotten used to having him around, so when he’s gone, it’s too quiet, and Carlos can hear his thoughts rage in the stiff air of his mind, forming hard peaks like beaten egg whites. His thoughts are becoming unruly. They’re angry and anxious. You’ll never be happy, they tell him. Something will always make you feel dissatisfied. Things always go wrong, and you never know when the awfulness will strike, so you have to be prepared for all the badness that will come. If you aren’t prepared, bad things will happen.

His head pounds as the thoughts crescendo. His bed is lumpy under his body and his sheets are oddly scratchy. Usually, his bed is a safe little oasis, and the worrying doesn’t start until his feet reach the floor, but his thoughts are bolder today; they have no regard for those blessed moments of aimless contemplation that he loves so much. There’s no time for you to be tranquil. The world is unhinged, and you’ve got to find a way to fix it, or at least your little part of it. I just want to relax. No time for that. You’ve got to start your day. Five more minutes. Start your day. Two more minutes. Start your day. One more minute. I won’t say it again: start your day.

There’s so much he has to do, he knows that, but his mental to-do list is disjointed like building blocks after a child has torn them and scattered them across the room during a tantrum. He needs to piece them back together, but it takes so much energy just to do that let alone tackle the items on the list. The world is an overwhelming place when you can’t even process your own thoughts. I need to get going or I’m going to waste the entire day. Listen to yourself. You’ve got to hurry up and get something done before you give up on trying. I can do this. Getting my shit together can’t be that hard, can it?

Order is not something that Carlos likes to do; it is something he has to do. It keeps me from losing my head. Nothing feels right when left to chance, so each morning, he shakes the question marks as well as he can. He plans and he prepares for the day ahead. He lists the things that are likely to go wrong, and he thinks of ways he’ll address them when they happen. He reminds himself that he can handle the obstacles because, at one time or another, he has prepared for them all. But there are too many variables, and you cannot alphabetize a list if you don’t know the first letters of the items on that list. You can make deductions and guesses, but you can’t know. It is fruitless to try to control the inevitable mystery that comes with being alive, but Carlos tries. If he thinks about a thought long enough, he can work it to death. Once it’s dead, he can feel okay. For a while.

He’s got his thoughts under control most of the time. He’s learned to work through them efficiently, shoving them out of the way each morning and each night before they can drag him too far down into the abyss of rumination. While he’s taught himself to work through them quickly, some days, thoughts are sticky. They are gum glued to the ground with superglue, waiting for an unsuspecting shoe. The thoughts cling to his mind, oozing over the information he actually needs, and he has to work just a little bit harder to scrape them off of the walls of his brain.

Thank god people couldn’t see thoughts because if they could, they’d see that Carlos’ thoughts are twisted remnants of what thoughts should be. They’re the warped pieces of metal left after a plane crash— they don’t have much function, but their sharp edges can cut you. He doesn’t want today to be one of those days that brings those destructive thoughts to the forefront of his brain, but Carlos feels darkness sneaking into his brain with about as much stealth as a cat with a giant bell weighing down her steps. Somedays, it slips in without a trace, but it doesn’t matter because no matter how it comes, it always gets in.

He wishes he didn’t have the day off work. The space in his schedule leaves too much room for intrusion. Distraction has always been the thing that keeps Carlos sane. Work, working out, going out with friends are some of the things that keep him on his toes and feeling level. Distraction can’t take away all the darkness, but it can hold it away until it finally crawls back into bed with Carlos one quiet morning.

He should have known that the darkness would come on like this. The darkness – that’s what he’s always called it, but he isn’t sure whether the name makes it sound worse or better than the clinical name. You wouldn’t expect it from him, the depression, but it’s a familiar foe. He’s usually the one that people use as a strong pillar, and he hates how weak the darkness makes him feel. His depression comes in waves, and it comes unexpectedly. Some things may trigger the depression, sure, but it can come when he’s feeling good, just as it can come when he’s already feeling bad. It usually doesn’t last long, but it waxes and wanes and hangs over him even when he can’t see it.

It’s time to get up, his brain persists, urging him to suck up the lowness in his core and get on with what he has to do. Stop lazing around and do something. You could get so much done today if you just did it. Why are you like this? What’s stopping you other than yourself? Do something. Anything.

He drags his feet over the side of the bed, and the ground comes against his heels too fast, and he has to balance himself to not tumble back into bed. Oh, but I’m tempted. I could give in to the urge, wrap myself in blankets, and close myself off to the world. As the urge to do nothing calls to Carlos, his need for order also beckons. He has a routine for a reason because that routine keeps him from spiraling. One missed part of his routine can turn into pacing his apartment for two hours replaying his whole morning in his head to catch any discrepancies.

Somehow, I’ve got to get through this day. Carlos has learned that when a day seems impossible, you have to take it one step at a time, but he’s never been a one step at a time kind of guy. He’s good at taking tiny, careful steps because they feel safe and require the precision he’s programmed himself to give, but those baby steps grate on him. They bring out the obsession and make him exert way too much energy for what should be easy. He becomes consumed by little details that shouldn’t matter until he can’t think anymore.

The perk of a small apartment is that it doesn’t take long to pull his body to the kitchen and drag his feet down the stairs. Carlos feels like a robot as he prepares breakfast. Prepares is a strong word for what he does, but on days like today, pulling a toaster pastry from a shiny aluminum packet counts as preparation. The treat should taste like cinnamon sugar, but it’s cardboard against his tongue. He finishes it, and then he eats its waiting twin because he knows that’s what he should do. He washes his breakfast down with instant coffee that looks and tastes like mud.

He doesn’t have to clean the dishes because he’ll use the mug for more coffee when he’s showered, but even though he ate neatly and didn’t make much of a mess, he wipes down the counters as he usually does to simulate a normal day. Because I need to act normal. You’ll never be normal. But I can try.

After he cleans up breakfast, fatigue pulls at his eyes. I could just go back to bed. I have nothing to else to do, so I might as well just give up. What else am I going to do with my time? Going back to bed won’t make him feel any less tired, though, so he decides to force himself into the shower. He stands under the hot stream, letting it purify his thoughts more than his body. He stands there until the hot turns cold, and he’s so deep in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice the change until his teeth begin chattering.

Carlos forces himself into new clothes, and he doesn’t know what to do next. He’s restless. You have so much to do. Your life is a mess. Start by trying to clean that up, and then, we’ll go from there. If you can’t get your act together, you’re hopeless. Cleaning— I can handle that.

Cleaning isn’t Carlos’ idea of fun, but it seems like the natural solution to messiness, and maybe if he can get his living space spruced up, he can sort out the clutter in his head. He’s diligent when he cleans. He doesn’t just scrub surfaces; he uses three different products to make sure every square inch is wiped off as well as humanly possible. It probably doesn’t make much of a difference, but putting so much effort into something keeps his brain from scrambling. He dusts every crevice, and he vacuums using all the attachments to make sure no corner goes untouched. He even wipes down the bottom of his table just because he can imagine how much dirtiness must be under there. Cleaning is just the right amount of mind-numbing to pass the time without making Carlos have to think too hard. Since he’s cleaning, Carlos decides, what the hell, he might as well do some laundry, knocking all the dirty details of life off his list. Getting stuff done normally feels good, but Carlos doesn’t feel much of anything.

The morning blurs into the afternoon, and Carlos only notices the difference when his mom calls just a little after one. Carlos dreads the conversation as much as he’s glad that it will give him something to do. Carlos loves his mom, but she doesn’t stop talking whenever she calls, and she usually comes to him to vent. He doesn’t think she realizes that she’s doing it, and mostly he doesn’t mind, but he’s already feeling drained. Even with tiredness pulling at his brain, he answers the phone because it’s his mother, and how can he not answer the phone? She won’t stop calling until he responds, anyway, so he might as well get it over with. “Get it over with,” what a way to talk about your mother. You can’t try to be just a little nicer? She gave birth to you. The least you can do is listen to her. How much energy could it possibly take? Suck it up and do your job as a son.

His mom’s worked up about Carlos’ brothers’ grades. She gets worked up about his brothers a lot, and it’s not so much that the twins do anything that wrong. Mostly, they’re her last babies, and Ana is having a hard time accepting that all her children have become adults. Carlos’ brothers have never been academic, and he knows no matter what Ana says to them, they’re not going to change. “There’s something wrong. They’re not as diligent as you were,” Ana complains. “I don’t know why they’re so easily distracted.” Carlos wants to tell her, Of course, they aren’t as diligent as I am. They’re not anxious nutcases who try to be angels to keep from causing any negative emotions in other people. They don’t have to be diligent because they’re allowed to be regular kids. They aren’t responsible for their mother’s emotional balance. “They’re smart kids, but they’d much rather make jokes than do their work.”

“That’s hard,” Carlos tries to sympathize, “but they’re hardly kids anymore. They’re in college. You can’t micromanage their grades. I know it’s a challenge for you, but sometimes, you need to let go a little bit. You’ll always be their mother. College isn’t going to change anything.”

Ana tuts, “They still live in my home. They’ll follow my rules. They shouldn’t disrespect their mother. I may not be educated, but that doesn’t mean I’m a fool. I know plenty. It would serve them to remember that. I’ve been on this earth over a half-century!” Carlos’ mom has always been insecure about her lack of higher education. She’d always been good in school, but going to college had not been in the cards for her, and now, she feels lesser with all her children having more education than her. She’s proud of them, Carlos knows— she’s always been so proud of her children— but he can tell that she thinks about all the things she might’ve done if she’d found a way to go to college. In most areas, Ana is confident, but in others, she’s full of insecurity. Maybe that’s how all people are. A bit of confidence and a world of insecurities.

Carlos is quick to reassure Ana, “No one thinks you’re a fool. We know how smart you are, but when you’re young, the wisdom of your mother isn’t that appealing. They’re probably just trying to find themselves. They’re testing their limits, and it won’t always turn out well for them, but they’ll learn. They’ll come back to you when they need your help.” Carlos doesn’t know that. He’s not a psychiatrist, but it sounds like the right thing to say. Ana probably won’t see it that way, though.  She never sees things your way, and I don’t blame her. You’re crazy and unstable and act like you’ve got it all under control when you can’t even reassure your own mother properly. What good are you if you can’t accomplish the one thing you’ve been practicing for pretty much all of your life? Get it together Carlos.

Ana goes on, and Carlos knows the conversation has only just started, but he already wants to make an excuse about why he can’t talk any longer. But I can’t do that to her. “I’ve indulged all their interests. It wasn’t easy, but I made sure they could do all the sports they wanted. All I ask is that they keep their grades up, and I don’t like that they aren’t keeping their end of the bargain. I’ve made sacrifices, so many sacrifices.” Carlos always felt a pang of guilt for all the things his mother had sacrificed. They’d never had a lot of money, and Ana had given everything for her children so that they could have whatever opportunities they wanted.

All his life, Carlos has tried not to take too much. I need to be careful what I ask for. If I can’t get it myself, I shouldn’t have it at all. He’d gotten a job as soon as he could. He’s saved his money and paid for as many of his own expenses as possible. She’d never asked him to do it, but he knew how much she gave to her children, and he never wanted the burden of depriving his mother. He hated to see her not having the things she wanted because of her children, so he made a vow to pave his own way. Yet, she’s still given him so much that she will never make him give back. And you don’t deserve any of it. What have you done to deserve it other than being a bitter son who resents his saint of a mother?

He knows that way she makes him feel isn’t normal, and it probably isn’t healthy, but it’s too late to set boundaries, and he knows that she isn’t doing it on purpose. He feels selfish whenever the bitterness pops up. She loves you unconditionally. How can you be mad at that? What kind of a monster resents his mother who has only tried to give him the best? She’s not perfect, but no person is, so why hold her to some unachievable standard. There must be something wrong with you if you cannot accept her how she is. She’s not the problem— you are.

“I know, Mamá, but it’s normal for them to want to stray from the nest.” Ana would never be the kind of mother who took a back seat, even as her kids grew up and started families of their own. So much of her identity is centered around caring for her family, and the changing way she cares for them has made her feel like she’s lost her purpose. She’s one of the most self-sacrificing people that Carlos knows, and even when she’s given all that she could possibly give to her children, she wants to give more.

“You never did. You were always such a good boy.” At what cost? I tried so hard to be what you wanted that I forgot how to be myself. Until he had joined the police academy, Carlos had been unsure of what he wanted. What his mother wanted for him had become such a big part of his mindset that it drowned out what he wanted for himself. He became a chameleon to please her, to boost her confidence, and make her feel like a successful mother, and it was hard to learn to be himself again, which is why sometimes he feels better when he keeps a distance from Ana. He loves her, and he’ll always be close to her, but he also needs a life of his own, or he will go crazy.

“I’m a different person, so I needed different experiences. There’s nothing wrong with that. It just shows that we all have different abilities.” We all don’t feel like we have to change ourselves to be what other people want. “The twins are fine.” They’ve never been that into academics, and they are mostly still in school to continue with sports, so Carlos never expected them to get good grades. “They’re not failing, are they?”

“No, but they can do better.” Not while being happy, Carlos wants to argue. He doesn’t want his little brothers to go through the same turmoil that he has.

“You can’t force it.” Carlos knows better that the more you try to force something, the more out of control you become. Not that knowing that stops you from trying to force control. You can’t help it, can you Carlos? You keep trying to capture something that was never meant to be held. You’ll always come out a loser like that.

“I know that, Carlos, but maybe you should talk to them.” I should have known that this is where the conversation was headed. She always wants me to be the voice of reason, the cool older brother who gives them wisdom that they wouldn’t listen to if it comes from their mother.

Carlos tries to keep the agitation out of his voice. “And say what?” He shakes his head, but she obviously can’t see it. “They’re not going to listen to me either. They think I’m uptight.” Carlos’ family always jokes that he should relax a little, and he does relax. He can be spontaneous and flexible, but it’s harder to be that way in front of his family because they’ve come to rely on his rigidity, his ability to never bend under pressure. It’s all just a façade, but they don’t need to know that. They don’t need to know about the insanity in my head. They would look at me differently if they knew, and I can’t afford their perception of me to change. He’s afraid of what they would think if they knew the truth. What would his mom do if she knew that Carlos wasn’t okay all the time? She would probably blame herself, and Carlos couldn’t have that.

He imagines coming clean, sometimes. It is so lonely to handle the weight of his dysfunction on his own. He likes to fantasize about blurting everything wrong out in one go and not giving a damn what everyone thinks. It would be cathartic, and he wouldn’t feel like he has to hide so many parts of himself because that’s what he is doing. He’s hiding because it’s easy to hide than to own his imperfections. He doesn’t want anyone to see him as broken, especially when they sp desperately need him to be solid.

“They do not see you that way. They look up to you. You’re their big brother. They’ll listen to you. Just tell them to shape up. I’m worried about them.”

“That’s a bad idea. I don’t want to get in the middle of this.” As the oldest boy, Carlos usually takes his role as an older brother in stride, but he’s so exhausted, and he doesn’t think there’s anything he can say that will please everyone involved, least of all himself. He’s not up for handling this family drama, especially when he doesn’t really understand what the drama is. “I don’t think it will help for me to say anything,” Carlos adds so he sounds less defiant, but he’s got to hold his ground on this one thing or he’ll be sucked into a mindset that makes his obsessions and his worries worse.

He hears Ana sighing loudly on the other end of the phone, “Do you think one of your sisters can talk sense into them?”

“Mamá, I don’t think anyone is going to change their minds. They need to take the initiative for themselves.” But she won’t listen to me on that. She can be so stubborn sometimes, and I don’t know how to make her hear what I’m saying. You might as well give up talking because she’s never going to change.

To Carlos’ surprise, his mother laughs. “You sound so much like your father sometimes, Carlos. He always believed that you kids would sort yourselves out if we gave you the room to experiment.” He can hear her smiling over the phone. She always smiles when she talks about Carlos’ dad. “I was never able to be like that. I worry too much. You’re all my babies, you know. Even now that you’re old. I remember holding you in my arms. You were a big baby, but even a big baby is so tiny. I was afraid the world would break you.”

“I got stronger,” Carlos says,

“You were always a sensitive kid. I’m glad you grew out of it. The world is hard on sensitive kids. And foolish ones. Your brothers are foolish ones. They’ve got a lot of ambition. They’ve got good ideas, but they have no sense about how cruel the world can be. You’ve seen the bad. You saw your father’s flaws more than they did. He gave you kids your freedom, but he liked things a certain way.”

“We don’t have to talk about this.” It isn’t that Carlos minds talking about his dad, but he knows a conversation like this can cause his mother to spiral. She tries to hide her mental distress when it happens, but Carlos sees it. Like mother like son. He notices the way she becomes quiet and the way her eyes are red more than they aren’t.

“I want to,” she admits. “Your father could become… withdrawn.” Your freakshow comes from both sides then, huh? “He’d focus on one thing, and everything else would become background noise. You and Glo were old enough to see that.”

“I remember, but that’s not how I remember him. I remember him cooking us meals and running around with us at the park. I remember him reading us books and helping us imagine our futures. I remember hugs when we were scared and soup when we were sick. Everyone has bad days, but Papá’s were mostly good.” Some people are better at hiding bad days than others, but we all have them, especially in my family.

“I never told you kids how he died.” Carlos can barely stand to hear how choked his mother’s voice is. It sends a ripple of fear through him.

Carlos feels his heart skip a beat. He’s not sure why she’s bringing this up now, but nothing that she’s saying is a surprise. She’s never said the words. She’s refused to admit that their father didn’t die in his sleep, but the kids all know. There’s a quiet understanding between them that he’d drunk himself to death. Carlos had never really seen his dad his drunk. His dad had always kept his addiction secret, but there had been signs. Looking back, he always knew. Everyone around them knew, but they didn’t mutter the words. They kept what was behind closed doors behind closed doors, and that never helps anyone.

“We know,” Carlos says so his mother doesn’t have to say it. She’s been denying the true cause of death for over a decade, and Carlos is afraid of what will happen if she says the words out loud. It’s why no one in his family has ever brought it up. “Glo and I figured it out.”

“He wasn’t a bad man.” Carlos only ever saw the part of him that was good. Come on, you knew. You always knew. You pretended you didn’t, but it was clear as day that your dad had a problem, and you should have done something about it. You should put the pieces together sooner and tried to do something about it. Now, he’s not a good man or a bad man; he’s a dead man.

“I know. He was sick,” Carlos says. Just like me. Just like you. Just like all of us. “He did the best he could.”

“I wanted to protect you from it,” Ana says, and Carlos isn’t sure if she’s trying to justify the lies or is slipping back into the delusion. No, you wanted to protect yourself, he wants to shout, but he bites his tongue because he’s not going to fight with a woman who tried to give him everything in her power. Making her unhappy wasn’t going to make him happier.

“It’s okay, Mamá. You did the best you could. You don’t have to be sorry,” and just like that, he absolves her. He always absolves her, even if it means condemning himself. Isn’t that just what a decent son is supposed to do?

When his mother is done talking, Carlos hangs up the phone. He stops fighting the thoughts growing louder in his brain. He gives in to the urge he’s been resisting all day, and he goes back to bed. Because what’s the point of staying up any more. What else do I have to do? Sleeping will make the day go quicker, and right now, that’s what Carlos needs.

When Carlos wakes up, he doesn’t feel refreshed. He’s still thinking about the conversation he had with his mother, and he thinks that maybe he should call his brothers after all, but he doesn’t. Instead, he calls his oldest sister, Gloria, because as the oldest sibling, she knows very well how it feels to be given more responsibility than you are prepared to carry. “Did Mamá call you?” Carlos asks after a brief greeting.

Gloria laughs, “She called me first. It was unusual. You know you’re the favorite.” You’re only the favorite when something goes wrong and needs fixing.

“You know that’s no true.” If I am the favorite, it’s because there’s so much of me that I hide. She’s only seen the parts of Carlos Reyes that she needs to see. I’ve buried all the rest because doing so will make her happier. Carlos knows that if his mother knew that he’s not as level-headed as he pretends to be, she wouldn’t feel the same way about him. She wouldn’t turn to him for help, and she wouldn’t talk to him as openly. Telling the truth could destroy the relationship with his loved ones as he knows it, so he chooses to keep silent.

“You’re all she can talk about with her friends. She’s so proud.”

“She’s proud of us all,” Carlos assures his sister.

“That’s what favorite children always say,” Gloria teases.

“You can take a turn being the favorite, Glo. She wants me to talk to Gabe and Dave again. Their grades aren’t high enough for her liking.”

“You set the bar too high and now the poor kids are expected to be straight-A students.”

“Like you were any better.”

“Maybe not,” Gloria says, “But she knows they have trouble in school. David especially.”

“Meanwhile, Gabriel is the one who jokes through his studies.” Gabriel distracts David, who has a hard enough time focusing on his studies in the best of circumstances, so having the two boys together can do more harm than good.

“You didn’t call to talk about the twins, did you?” Gloria asks astutely.

“No,” Carlos admits. “I’m not interested in trying to get their grades up. As long as they're not failing and doing decently well, I don’t see a need to get involved.” He can be honest with Gloria because he knows that she feels the same way that he does.

“Why did you call then?” Her voice is gentle, and it reminds Carlos of when his mom used to sing him to sleep.

Carlos sighs. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to check-in. I’m worried about Mamá.”

“She seems okay,” Gloria reassures him.

“She talked about the way Papá really died today, Glo.” There’s a long pause, and Carlos can hear his sister breathing over the phone, but she doesn’t say anything. “Glo? You still there,” he adds to try to get her to reply.

“She actually said the words?”

Carlos’ brain sinks a little. “Well, no. She didn’t say it explicitly, but she admitted that she never told us the truth about what happened.”

Gloria sounds indignant, “As if we didn’t know. The denial has never been for us.”

“I know that.” He crosses his arms over his chest like a petulant child.

“Did you tell her that?” Gloria’s voice has raised just enough that Carlos knows this conversation has gone off course. He doesn’t know why he chose to do this to himself, on a bad day especially. He doesn’t have the energy, but since it’s too late to get out of the situation, he has to find it. When he needs to, he can always embezzle it from other parts of himself that need less upkeep. When he has bad days, sacrifices must be made.

Gloria sounds annoyed now. “Of course, you didn’t. You never tell her how you feel.”

“What does it matter to you?” It’s his life and his feelings. He can tell them to whoever he wants.

“Because you shouldn’t censor yourself anytime she has a mood. She’s not going to stop having them just because you cater to her and I know it’s a lot for you to manage. You’re not responsible for protecting someone else from themselves.” But that’s what Carlos has always done. He’s a protector by nature, and when he sees someone in trouble, he steps in.

“Be nice. She’s your mother.” Gloria’s frustration with her mother is obvious. It’s not that she’s not sympathetic, but she’s never experienced what Gloria has experienced. She doesn’t understand how hard it is to rise above your bad days.

“And I love her, but she needs professional help. Too much of her life is centered around being our mother. She can’t rely on us to fill in all her gaps. She needs a life of her own. I hate seeing her when she gets bad, and she’ll keep getting bad unless she decides to make a change.” If Ana knew that she was talking about her this way, it would devastate her, and just the thought of her overhearing this conversation makes Carlos want to end it, but he lets Gloria say her piece.

“Well, that’s never going to happen.” That’s the problem. He knows that she’s never going to seek help on her home, so it’s either he tries and fails to help her or he doesn’t try at all. Trying feels better than doing nothing.

“So what then? You have to be whatever makes Mamá happy?” Isn’t that what I’ve been? How can I be anyone else at this point? She needs me, and I can’t let her down. Carlos knows that they don’t have healthy boundaries, but that’s just how his family is.

“I don’t always choose what Mamá wants.” For as many concessions he makes with her, there are some that he is unwilling to let her cross for his own sanity. “She didn’t like the idea of me being gay.”

“She always accepted your sexuality.” That’s the simple way of putting it. His mom has never been anything but supportive. When he told her, she hugged him and said that she loved him no matter who he loved, but he had always had a feeling that her initial acceptance had been because it would make her a bad mother not to accept him, and being a good mother is the thing that she has always most wanted to be, often to the point of too closely resembling the stereotypical image of a mother.

“I know she always loved me just the same, but it took time for her to get used to it.” He doesn’t remember her saying bad things about gay people, but he had seen her smile fall just a fraction when he told her the truth.

“She’ll get used to other things, too. Your relationship with her can evolve if you let it. It might be better for everyone.”

“I can’t stop worrying about her.” The worry is lodged in his mind. It is one of his oldest friends, and no matter how far he goes, it is part of him. He’s spent so long concerned about his mother that not exhausting so much energy worrying would leave a hole in his life. As messed up as it is, he doesn’t know who he is without his fears. If he let them go, even just some of them, he thinks that things might get even worse. No one else seems to understand the way he needs to indulge the worry to feel safe.

“And I’m not asking you to, but you don’t have to deal with everything alone, hermanito.”

“Yeah maybe,” Carlos says because he’s too tired to argue with her about her. “I’ve got to go Glo,” he says as an escape from the conversation. “T.K. is calling.”

“Okay, Carlos, go talk to your man. I love you.” He’s lucky to have Glo. She’s always trying to look after him when he’s trying to look after everyone else.

“I love you too. Talk soon,” he says before hanging up and putting the phone beside him. The phone is silent now, and he misses the noise, but he is relieved that he doesn’t have to listen anymore just the same.

He lays back on his couch and flips the TV on. He turns to his favorite crime drama, the one that got him interested in law enforcement, but he doesn’t pay attention. He lets the scenes pass through his brain mindlessly without leaving a dent in his memory. He stays there for hours, only getting up when he’s hungry or needs to use the bathroom. He lets the hours blur until his mind is so numbed that he needs to do something just to remember there’s a world outside his apartment.

To find a connection to the outside world, Carlos has T.K. over in the evening because starting the next morning, T.K. has to work for two days, and Carlos doesn’t want to wait that long to see him even though he’s not in the mood to be around people.

When Carlos opens the door to his apartment, T.K. throws his arms around Carlos. He tilts his head up for a kiss. He smells sweet, and maybe time with his boyfriend is exactly what T.K. needs. “You don’t know how glad I am to see you.” T.K.’s hold is firm and the weight of T.K. against his chest knocks out the breath that Carlos has been holding.

“Long day?” Carlos asks. T.K. opens his mouth, but he looks at Carlos’ face and closes it again; T.K. swallows hard, pushing the words on the tip of his tongue down to his stomach. He can tell that something is wrong with you. Get your act together. He doesn’t want to hear about all your issues. Keep that shit to yourself and don’t bother your boyfriend about it.

T.K. says, “You look tired.” Tired was too light of a word for the utter depletion Carlos felt in his bones. You’re so whiny. Could you shut up for just five seconds? You’re giving me a migraine.

He’s not going to like that answer because for some reason he wants to learn everything about you, even the worst parts of Carlos Reyes. “That doesn’t answer my question.” They could circle like this forever, redirecting each other’s words because neither wants to burden the other with what they both try and fail to hide.

Carlos doesn’t miss the way T.K.’s eyes are overcast, but he watches T.K. tug a smile onto his face as he pulls back whatever he might’ve said if he hadn’t noticed that something was off with Carlos. Carlos feels guilty. You’re the worst boyfriend. You can’t even support him when he needs you. I’m trying. Not hard enough. T.K. pecks Carlos’ lips. “I missed you, that’s all,” T.K. adds, and Carlos can’t help but worry that there’s more to it than that. He wonders if his perception is off. Maybe he’s making a lot out of nothing. He tends to do that. You sure do.

They order pizza and put on a movie when Carlos can’t find many words. T.K. picks at the pizza and Carlos doesn’t pay attention to the movie. Aren’t we a fun pair? By the time the credits roll on the screen, Carlos has no idea what just happened as T.K. gives his impromptu review of the movie. T.K.’s excitedly talking, and Carlos doesn’t process the words he is saying, but it feels good to hear T.K. being so full of life when Carlos feels so depleted.

“Yeah,” Carlos says distractedly to something that T.K. says. “That’s true.”

T.K. gives Carlos a confused look. He chuckles. “You’re not paying any attention to me, are you?” His voice is light, but it still makes Carlos feel like shit. Guilt spikes in Carlos’ bloodstream. I should be more attentive when we get to spend time together.

“I’m sorry, Ty.” How many times can you say “I’m sorry,” before it starts to lose its meaning? It’s always the same old story with you Carlos. Try something new for once. I’m so bored.

T.K. shakes his head, “Don’t be. You know I don’t mind talking to myself.” But you shouldn’t have to, Carlos wants to say. Your boyfriend should be more attentive.

“I should still listen.” That’s right you should, but you’re so selfish. You try to do things for other people, but it’s only because you’re greedy for their love.

“Really, it’s fine. I get it.” He doesn’t get anything. “Are you okay?” T.K. asks, and Carlos knows that he should be able to talk about it— the depression, especially. He remembers T.K. telling him once about everything being gray, so he knows T.K. gets how it feels. Carlos’ depression is different than T.K.’s, though. It’s fueled by pathological obsession and worry more than anything else. Still, he thinks T.K. might understand or try to understand more than most people would. He wouldn’t be one of those people who tries to understand and then doesn’t listen. Carlos has met many of those. They hear the word depression, and they start to assume. They think depression is laziness or intense sadness after the loss of a loved one. They think it is just a feeling. “I’m depressed,” they say when they are feeling sad, but they don’t consider what it must like to have depression. It’s not a passing mood Sometimes, they have a deeper understanding, but very few can understand the nuances, and even though T.K. may get how Carlos feels, Carlos doesn’t think he can talk about it. His throat feels like it may close whenever he starts to say the words, so he shuts up.

It’s a strange role-reversal when Carlos tells T.K., “I’m fine.”

T.K. raises his eyebrows, probably because he knows that people who say they are fine are usually lying. “We’re both hypocrites, aren’t we?”

“Yeah? How’s that?”

“We both want honestly about how we are, but we both don’t want to give it.” That might be the closest thing T.K. has been to admitting he’s not fine. It might be the closest he ever will be. Carlos gets it. It’s hard to accept that you might not be okay, especially when other people need you to be okay. It seems simpler to pretend that you’re fine. The thought takes the air from Carlos’ lungs and not in the way that feels like a release.

“I’m not trying to push you to talk about anything, but you know that you can talk to me, right?”

“Of course,” Carlos lies, trying to force a smile.

“Do you need to talk now?” T.K. pushes him just a little further. Carlos shifts his body further from T.K. on the couch, and T.K. sags against the cushions. Maybe now he knows how he makes you feel all the time, the malicious part of Carlos thinks.

“No, I’m good.” He can hear the waver in his voice. I’m so tired, and I can’t shake the drowsiness no matter how hard I try.

“Carlos—” T.K. tries to say, but Carlos will have none of it. He doesn’t want his thoughts or his feelings to be dissected because they’re not something he can share with other people. They’re his alone, and he’s not going to burden anyone else with them if he doesn’t have to.

“Drop it, T.K.” Carlos’ voice is authoritative, and maybe that’s the wrong move because T.K. has never listened much to authority. But to Carlos’ shock, T.K. almost backs down. Almost.

T.K. bites the side of his cheek. “I’m just worried.”

“Well don’t be,” Carlos can’t help but say harshly, and he regrets the words the minute they leave his mouth.

He feels hopeless because he wants to make everything better, but there’s no easy fix for not being okay. There’s no way to wake up and immediately exterminate the termites that chew at the core parts of your mind. You have to swim through a boiling, sludgy roux as it begins to curdle and drag you down with its soiled weight. You have to pull back your skin to see what’s happening inside. You have to hope that something changes even when change is an upside-down mountain that you somehow have to climb.

Carlos isn’t sure he has the energy to climb, at least not right now.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” T.K. says, sounding sincere, but it irritates Carlos to hear the worry in his voice.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Carlos insists, taking on a calmer voice. Try worrying about yourself, he wants to tell T.K., I’m not the one slowly killing myself. No, you’re just worrying yourself to death.

“I’m not an expert, but that’s kind of being in a relationship, isn’t it? Worrying about the other person and wanting to make sure they’re okay.” T.K. puts his arms around Carlos and leans his head up to whisper in Carlos’ ear. “I’m here if you want to talk.” T.K.’s breath is hot in Carlos’ ear, and it warms Carlos to know that he isn’t alone, but it also doesn’t make a difference because there are some things that Carlos needs to keep to himself. He likes to think he’s saving T.K. from the pain of knowing what Carlos struggles with, but deep down, he knows that what keeps his lips pressed shut is the shame that comes with not being the strong, unwavering pillar of support that he wishes he could be. Carlos wants to be that person that doesn’t bend under pressure. He wants to be the effortless kind of okay because most of the time, he is okay, but he has to fight to be that way.

“It’s been a long week,” Carlos admits, but he doesn’t know how to explain the week wasn’t long because it was awful. It’s dragged for no other reason than there’s something off inside Carlos’ brain.

“Jenkins being an asshole again?”

“He’s always an asshole,” Carlos replies about his least-liked coworker. “But no, Jenkins hasn’t been worse than usual. It’s just been hectic,” Carlos explains because that sounds like the most normal reason for not being your normal self.

“How so?” Carlos doesn’t feel like talking, but he doesn’t want to reject the efforts that T.K. is making, so he figures he can just give a little and maybe that will create harmony between them.

“You know how you have a really busy shift and then when your mind stops being pulled in so many different directions, you get really tired, and then you don’t know what to do with your time?” T.K. nods, encouraging Carlos to go on. “It’s like that. I’m crashing after a long several shifts.”

“But you can handle it?”

“Yeah,” Carlos assures, kissing T.K.’s forehead and running a hand through his hair. “All I need is time to recover before my next shift. It helps to have you here.”

“Babe, I’ll be here whenever you need me to be.” But Carlos would never ask that of T.K. T.K. leans his head on Carlos’ shoulder. “I know how hard your job must be. You see some crazy things on patrol.” The funny thing is that it isn’t mostly the things he sees at work that get to Carlos. There will always be incidents that cut deeply, but for the most part, he’s good at compartmentalizing the bad things that happen on the job.

T.K. sits up and leans closer to Carlos, and he kisses the spot just above his collarbone. His lips are soft and warm from the coffee he’d just had, but Carlos can barely sense the warmth. “Is there something I can do to make it better?”

Carlos cannot tell T.K. how he is feeling because this mental tumult is the road he takes alone. It is a road of shame and self-doubt. It is a road of feeling unprepared for each new day. It is a treacherous road that’s just dirt, rocks, and inclines. Carlos wouldn’t want to bring anyone he loved with him down that road. Yet, he knew they would all go down it if he asked— if they knew it existed. They wouldn’t just go down it with him; they’d help him pave it. They’d help him put guardrails on the edges and streetlights in the dark corners. They’d form a community around the darkness. But Carlos isn’t ready to put his secret little road on the map, so all he can do is try to stay on his feet and continue on a lone journey down the road.

#text #my writing #elise writes #my fics #long works #8000 words #eye of the storm

[slightlymore]

friends with benefits? part 2

genre: smut | series | light fluff pairing: collegestudent!jaehyun x fem reader warnings: rough | oral f and m | unprotected | a little degrading words: 2.5K

Part 1| Part 2 | Part 3 

You were walking fast across campus. 

It was the start of a new semester and you didn’t want to be late to your first class, but you forgot to set an alarm the night before. It wasn’t typical of you to forget something like that and you considered it weird, but lately, you’ve been acting strangely in all departments of your life. 

Only a few days ago you had sex in a car with the one and only, Jeong Jaehyun.

Not setting an alarm wasn’t as surprising in comparison after all.

You didn’t talk to him after that night, not because you didn’t want to but because you got busy all of a sudden and could only wave to each other from far away, as you were sprinting from a place to another. Or so you lied to yourself. Low-key, deep down, you knew you were kind of avoiding him because you were embarrassed. The corridor that you were almost running through, was still full of people trying to find their own classroom. As you saw yours, you entered hoping to find a seat.

And there he was.

Jaehyun smiled at you as you browsed the room in searching for an empty spot and you waved at him, mentally cursing, as you have been for the past days. Instead of waving back he gestured to you to come over. There was an empty seat he saved for you beside him. “Finally,” he said as you got closer. “Finally,” you replied as well sitting down. “I thought you were avoiding me” he spoke again. You looked over at him. He had puppy eyes and was frowning. He was almost adorable. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I started to work as an assistant for one of my professors and I got very busy. I wasn’t trying to avoid you” you explained. Jaehyun hummed his uncertainty. The window was behind him and the sun hit his back making him wear an ethereal circle of light around his hair. “Are you pouting?” you asked amused as you started to take out your computer. Jaehyun shook his head not looking at you. You sighed. “It’s not like you made an effort to come and talk to me” you said, certain that he was joking. "I tried” he replied. “But you were indeed very busy, and I didn’t want to bother you,” he added almost sad. You suddenly felt bad and didn’t know what to say. Your lips were slightly parted as if ready to receive a command from your brain, but nothing was coming. As you were trying to apologize, Jaehyun finally looked up and saw your expression. He looked confused for a few seconds then suddenly chuckled.

"I’m joking,” he said as he hit you lightly with his shoulder. “No worries. I was just messing around with you” he explained. His expression was, in fact, relaxed and peaceful.

You chuckled as well, relieved. Jaehyun definitely knew how to act well. For some reason, you thought that he was actually sad about not being able to talk to you. You were embarrassed about it but deep inside you wanted it to be true. “Thank you for saving a seat for me by the way” you whispered after a while since the professor already started their lecture. Jaehyun smiled while taking notes. “You’re welcome” he whispered back.

It was quite weird that he decided to sit beside you instead of his friends that were scattered around the classroom. But you were a friend of him as well, a new one, but still a friend, so you thought that it was very kind of him to act that way. You smiled and tried to concentrate on your textbook. Jaehyun was doing the same and you realized that it was the first time you were able to look at him in the face without the influence of alcohol. This time he was wearing a white T-shirt and his hair wasn’t styled. His cheeks were rosy, and his eyes slightly puffed from waking up so early. Altogether it gave off an innocent and fresh look, absolutely opposite of the vibe he was giving off during the weekend. “What?” he asked quietly. You straightened your back.  “What what?” you asked back.  “You’re staring” he explained as his dimples made an appearance. 

You smiled too. “You look very cute today,” you said. Jaehyun thought about it for a second. “You look cute as well” he replied.   You smiled even more. “Your writing is beautiful”. Jaehyun sat back and crossed his arms on his chest looking at you pleased. “Your hair looks nice,” he said. You chuckled. “I like your moles”. “Is this a war of compliments?” he asked amused. “You smell very good”. “I taste even better” you replied on a whim before realizing what you’ve just said. You could see Jaehyun’s eyes widen slightly. He didn’t expect it and you suddenly got very worried. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe he hated the experience and was just trying to be friends with you, nothing more. Maybe the friends with benefits thing was becoming friends with no special benefits besides those given by a normal friendship. You panicked. You were about to say that you were joking when he got closer to you with a fluid movement, his shoulder was against yours and his lips dangerously close to your ear. His breath tickled you as he whispered, “I can’t wait to check that on my own”.  You clasped your fingers together as a shower of shivers went down your spine. Suddenly you couldn’t raise your eyes to meet his. You weren’t that brave usually, and it showed on your expression.  Oh, you would have loved to shamelessly flirt with him, or to push him in his car and ride him as you did before, but alas, under the morning light and with a crystal clear mind you found yourself very shy.  You gulped before opening your lips in an attempt to say something at least funny or light-hearted, if not sexy, but nothing came to mind.  What could you possibly say now? Ah, yes fuck me? Oh, darling, I’m a three-course meal? I’ll taste you too?  Oh, God.  As he distanced himself you knew you fucked up and looked at him to see his expression. He was trying to reach something in his bag, and you couldn’t see his face but as he straightened himself you could see that he was smiling. He had his journal in his hand and with a quick flip of the pages, he took out two pieces of paper and showed you. You looked at them before taking them in your hands: two tickets to see the Goldfinch later that night. You couldn’t help yourself from sighing.  “You forgot about it, didn’t you?” he asked amused.  You finally looked at him in the eyes as you laid back on the chair, relieved. 

Jaehyun was waiting for you in the middle of the cinema entrance hall with his hands in the pocket of his oversized hoodie. You could see him, but he didn’t see you yet and you indulged in watching him a little bit longer. His eyes, partially hidden by his brown hair, were fixed on a single spot on the pavement some meters ahead of him and you knew that he was deep in thought. You wanted to know what kind of concerns busied his mind but you weren’t at that stage of your friendship yet so it didn’t surprise you when he replied “I’m fine, how are you?” as you approached and greeted him. “I’m glad there is finally someone I can talk to about book-relating stuff,” he said as you sat down with your freshly bought popcorn and drinks. The hall was nearly empty, and you got perfect seats at the top. You were relaxed and comfortable, but you couldn’t brush off the weird, abnormal sensation of being on a date. Maybe it was the cinema, or maybe it was Jaehyun, looking like a perfect boyfriend. You looked over at him. He was probably not feeling that way as he already started munching on his snacks even if the film didn’t start yet and not giving you a single glance. A slight buzz started to warm up your chest and you wondered if every person Jaehyun hung out before ended up falling in love with him. 

What if that was the reason he stopped talking to them? What if that was the reason they stopped seeing Jaehyun? It was definitely impossible to not feel hurt hanging out with someone you love but who doesn’t love you back. For some reason, your head started to hurt slightly, and you sighed pleased as the lights went off and the darkness hugged you like a warm blanket. You didn’t talk during the film but for some reason, instead of being able to concentrate on the scenes, your mind kept drifting towards aimless thoughts about Jaehyun. You put your hand on the armrest and a small part of you wanted to see Jaehyun’s fingers lightly brush yours and intertwine them together. Danger, Y/N. You shook your head and tried to follow the dialogue. It was a good movie and you were starting to get mad at yourself. Concentrate. But the image of Jaehyun, absentmindedly putting a piece of popcorn against his lips for a little while before finally eating it was too strong for you to ignore. You tried to calm yourself. You were just horny. There were no romantic feelings in all of this. Being horny was allowed. Being horny was welcomed. There was no reason for you to feel shy about it. You were friends with benefits after all. Right? You fidgeted on your seat, suddenly uncomfortable. You probably continued to move for a while because Jaehyun asked “Are you bored?” in a low voice. You turned your head facing him, slightly startled. “Oh, no, I’m not” you explained. “Are you sure?” he whispered again. “You look distracted”.  “I’m sorry,” you said while mentally swearing at yourself.  Jaehyun smiled. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. I was just worried that you might not enjoy yourself”.

No. You weren’t enjoying yourself. You were not having a good time. You wanted him to touch you and kiss your lips and it drove you absolutely nuts. It was so embarrassing. Lost in your thoughts you didn’t notice Jaehyun’s hand on top of yours as he gently made you loosen your grip on the armrest. You didn’t notice you were that tense. You didn’t even notice him as he got closer and brushing his lips against the lobe of your ear, he whispered: “Do you want to get out of here?” The storage room had enough space for you to move around and you prayed that no one needed to come inside as Jaehyun kissed you intensely against the door. You were inebriated by his cologne, his cold hands on your hot thighs then on your ass then under your shirt and up on your breasts and again down, quick and intense and rough and needy. His tongue played with yours in a constant game of running away and meeting again, wet and sloppy. Oh, and his voice was deep and low, and your mind was empty, absolutely quiet. His body, strong and stiff, was heavily pressed against yours before pulling away as he grabbed you up and placed you on top of a cabinet. Your legs were wrapped around his waist and you tightened them hard as he started to leave wet kisses on your exposed neck.  

“Is this what you wanted?” asked Jaehyun. His feline eyes were dark and intense; they talked alongside his lips, they were telling you about deep and hidden desires, lustful promises and acute needs. 

You didn’t reply and just slowly slid your palm down his body without breaking eye contact. He smirked and let out a sigh as you gently stroked him. “You were so shy in class. What happened?” he asked calmly even though his knuckles were white from effort as he held onto the cabinet’s sides. You blushed but didn’t stop. The first time it was easier, not looking at him in the face and just letting yourself go. This time you could see his hungry gaze mirroring yours and it was new for you to show this side of you to somebody. “It’s just that…” you started “…now I’m just at my limit” you continued. Jaehyun’s jaw muscles flinched and without notice, he slid his hands up your thighs, under your skirt, and took off your panties. You didn’t have time even to breathe in that he was already on his knees, his hands on your ass and his tongue inside of you. You moaned loudly and gripped his hair while trying to hold yourself up on the cabinet. His breath was hot and his fingers dug firmly into your skin. You threw your head back letting yourself go but soon enough Jaehyun got up again and taking you by your waist, he got you down on your feet before roughly turning you around. You were pressed against the metal cabinet, cold on the side of your face, palms and breasts. It didn’t make in time to cool you down as Jaehyun slowly caressed your ass and slid easily into your wet core. You whined in pleasure and bit your lower lip. It must have been way too loud so Jaehyun quickly shoved your panties into your mouth to keep quiet. “We can’t get caught now, can we babe?” you heard him as he himself tried to not let any sound escape his lips.  He was rough, he was rough and intense, he was deep into you and quick, quick and violent. But you didn’t mind, oh you didn’t mind at all, it was all that you wanted, all that you needed and even more. His hands were on your waist and you knew you’ll have bruises all over from his strong fingers but you didn’t care. He then moved them to your breasts as you sustained yourself up on your elbows and then through your hair and around your neck. With a single movement, you let the panties out your mouth and with the help of your tongue you took two of his fingers into your mouth and started to suck, wetting them well. Jaehyun let out a deep and hoarse fuck and picked up the already fast pace. You couldn’t resist any longer and let yourself go, trembling hard on his ongoing cock. He shut your mouth with his hand as you came and the only thing you could do is to grip the sides of the cabinet until your knuckles became white. He then got out and you understood his intentions and obeyed as you straightened your back and looking at his face you went down on him. Jaehyun swallowed to keep a moan in and held your face and head with both hands. His veins were all throbbing, on his hands and forearms and on his lower stomach as you sucked him good. He was swearing under his breath without being able to take his eyes off you and as his breath grew too irregular you let him out finishing him off with your hand.

He came all over your breasts. 

#jaehyun #nct #NCT 127 #nct127 #nct u #nct dream #wayv #smut #nct smut #jaehyun smut #nct drabble #nct imagines #nct fanfiction #writing #fanfiction #taeyong #johnny #taeil #yuta #kun #doyoung #ten #winwin #jungwoo #lucas #mark #xiaojun #hendery #renjun #jeno

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/02/2021 (Digga D, AJ Tracey, Cardi B)

It’s not as big of a week as it is just a confusing one, so there’s no pre-amble. Olivia Rodrigo spends a fifth week at #1 with “drivers license” and let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

I started writing this a bit later than usual so I just want to rush through most of what’s here. The songs dropping out of the UK Top 75 are either debuts from not long ago like “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone featuring Chip and “Lo Vas A Olvidar” by Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA, or songs that have been here for a while, like “Monster”  by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper and “Dynamite” by BTS. We even have some #1 hits dropping out of the Top 75 this week, like “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion and “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. In terms of fallers, we have, seemingly, some of the older Winter cuts being replaced, as we see “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix getting a harsh streaming cut down to #30,  “Whoopty” by CJ down to #33, “Levitating” by Dua Lipa and remixed by DaBaby down to #34 (although this could rebound given the album release), “you broke me first” by Tate McRae at #37, “SO DONE” by The Kid YAOI at #57, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #61, “Looking for Me” by Diplo, Paul Woodford and Kareen Lomax at #62, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur at #63, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #64, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo at #65, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #68, “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi at #72 and “Golden” by Harry Styles at #73, as well as some more recent debuts, including the entirety of Fredo’s album impact from last week, as “Money Talks” with Dave is at #11, “Ready” with Summer Walker at #31 and “Burner on Deck” with Young Adz and the late Pop Smoke at #32. “Skin” by Sabrina Carpenter and “Apricots”  by Bicep aren’t faring that well either, at #51 and #56 respectively. When I said these songs are being replaced, I wasn’t overestimating anything as we have our new crop of hits seemingly all surging, as “Martin & Gina” by Polo G is at #54, “Be the One” by Rudimental, MORGAN, TIKE and Digga D is at #49, “Best Friend” by Saweetie featuring Doja Cat is at #42, “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max is at #35, “Love Not War (The Tampa Beat)” by Jason Derulo and Nuka is at #27, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals is at #24, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S is at #23 (it’s honestly starting to grow on me), and “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd is somehow back up to #20. Speaking of the top 20, we also have “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman dopamine re-editing itself up to #16, “Save Your Tears” also by the Weeknd at #15, and two new top 10 hits, both songs with basically the same chart run and genre. “Goosebumps” by Travis Scott, remixed by HVME, remixed by Travis Scott is at #10, becoming HVME’s first and Travis’ fourth top 10 hit here in Britain. We also have “The Business” by Tiesto grooving up to #7, becoming Tiesto’s fourth top 10 hit. I honestly feel bad for the still completely uncredited vocalist. We also have a third new top 10 entry but that’s a debut that we can discuss later. I should also note that “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek is back at #74, and a winning Eurovision song, “Arcade”, by Dutch singer Duncan Lawrence is also back at #39 off of the back of some TikTok traction. I think this is the most streamed Eurovision now – I’d watch out for this being a big hit. Welp, time to get into our really, and I mean REALLY, varied and weird crop of new arrivals, starting with...

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Roadtrip” – Dream and PmBata

Produced by Banrisk and Perish Beats

Okay, so this is a song by Minecraft YouTuber Dream, or at least that’s who I think he is. I think there was some kind of scandal related to him, and a couple people got involved and someone got doxed... listen, I don’t care. Not only is this song really not worthy of reviewing on the principle that unlike Wilbur Soot a couple weeks ago, Dream has never been a musician, which is clear from how involved no-name singer PmBata was in this, but I care for my private information not being made public so... What ridiculous excuse do I have to not review this? Okay, 1997 reggae-rock classic “Doin’ Time” by Sublime returns to #75 after Boris Johnson made a TikTok in the Houses of Parliament where he says “Pogchamp, Brexiteers, I just got tested for COVID-19” with the song in the background, and Joe Biden is on a Zoom call with him a few seconds later visibly annoyed because he prefers the New Radicals. Sure, let’s go with that. What was this entry about again?

#71 – “Goodbye” – Imanbek and Goodboys

Produced by Joris Mur, Imanbek and Goodboys

Everyone’s favourite Kazakh house producer Imanbek is finally back on the charts with his collaboration with British pop trio Goodboys, who you may know from their carbon-copy hits made with MEDUZA. After listening to that EP he made with Rita Ora, I’m slightly less impressed with Imanbek’s production, but that EP’s impact, if any, will be seen when the lead single featuring David Guetta and Gunna debuts low next week. Yes, seriously, all four on the same track. Anyway, this song, “Goodbye”, is actually pretty okay, with a generic deep house groove and fake hand-clap effectively saved by the Goodboys’ really intriguing vocal delivery and processing, which ends up in a Travis Scott-like Auto-Tune harmony that’s honestly pretty endearing right before the anti-climactic slap-house drop. The song’s lyrical content probably isn’t worth talking about, but it’s about a generic struggle with a break-up, and how hard it is for one of these good boys to say good bye. The build-up with the pre-chorus before the blue-balls second drop is kind of genius, and that’s probably my favourite part of the song outside of the abrupt vocaloid drop at the end. For what it’s worth, it takes more risks than most of these house-pop songs, most notably by having only a single verse in the middle of the song, and being really short, clocking in at less than two and a half minutes. It’s not as infectious as “Piece of Your Heart”, but this is fine. I’m glad it’s here if it’s going to give Imanbek another non-Rita Ora-assisted hit.

#60 – “Little Bit of Love” – Tom Grennan

Produced by Jamie Scott, LOSTBOY and Daniel Bryer

Tom Grennan is an English singer-songwriter who released their debut record in 2016 and was crowned by the BBC as the “Sound of 2017”, before dropping off the face of the Earth. He was brought to fame by a guest feature on a Chase & Status song that didn’t even do that well and now he’s back with the lead single from his upcoming sophomore effort, and his highest ever charting song. Well, is it any good? I mean, I like OneRepublic too. The rising strings here in the intro and chorus are pretty cool, and I’ll give it to Grennan for having an interesting voice but the odd level of grit in it does not fit well for this plastic production, which quickly devolves into vaguely danceable synth-mess that’s just not interesting. The content is mostly about unconditional love, particularly one that feels not particularly reciprocated, although some of the detail in the second verse feels like it’s going somewhere. I’ll admit, the chorus is catchy, but this mix puts way too much emphasis on a flawed vocal take from Grennan, which really detracts from the pathetic excuse for a bridge. I do enjoy how this feels like a flash-back to the mid-2010s, where happier, synth-based pop was this prominent, and I do love how the strings come back in the outro, but good production can’t do much to save a song that just feels under-cooked and definitely under-written. The OneRepublic comparison feels particularly fitting here too because their stuff tends to be just as stagnant, not to mention the lyrical riffs off of “Counting Stars”. I mean, when you start your first verse – in the first 10 or so seconds of the track – with the most recognisable part of a very recognisable song, I think Ryan Tedder deserves at least some royalties.

#58 – “Astronaut in the Ocean” – Masked Wolf

Produced by Tyron Hapi

Masked Wolf is an Australian singer and this song is actually from June 2019, just gaining enough traction, presumably off of TikTok, to debut on the charts this week. The song got a 2021 reissue and I assume a remix and, well... for God’s sake. The Kid LAROI should not have been an entry point for Australian trap, because outside of a second or two of distortion in the intro, this is far from unique. It has a guitar-based trap instrumental with dark 808s that even Gunna would pass up on, and an Auto-Tuned delivery from Masked Wolf, clearly trying too hard to replicate Drake in the intro and bridge, Kid Cudi in the chorus, G-Eazy in the first verse, Eminem AND Kendrick on the second verse, to the point where he even directly references Kendrick Lamar’s much better music. He suffers from the same problems as all of these artists combined, with lyrics that seem like they’re building up off of something interesting about depression before going into aimless flexing like a mid-tier Kid Cudi track, flows that sound as meandering and checked-out as Drake’s, the failed attempt at some kind of white-boy swagger that G-Eazy hasn’t pulled off successfully since 2016, the substance-less content hidden behind fast flows from Eminem and... oh, my God, this guy’s just like Australian Logic. I don’t like American Logic, why do we need this guy too? Yeah, this is bad, and there’s not much worth nitpicking in this mix or even the lyrics to even point out. I guess the worst bar is when he says he believes in G-O-D but not a T-H-O-T. So he’s a slut-shaming NF now? Jesus Christ, I’d take a full album from The Kid LAROI over this.

So the next two songs are ones I’ll actually need to somewhat lump together, as they are consecutive on the chart and both from the same album, and the same washed-up band.

#53 – “Waiting on a War” – Foo Fighters

Produced by Greg Kurstin

We have two songs from Dave Grohl and friends here from their latest album, Medicine at Midnight, technically three if we count the entire top 100, which means, yes, the UK just had a Foo Fighters album bomb. I’ll focus on the album as a whole with the next song because this is easily the worse track here and the worst track on the album purely out of how misguided it is. Dave Grohl wrote this song because he felt inspired by the current hell-scape of the political climate, reminding him of his own youth when he was surrounded by rising Cold War tensions. His young daughter asked him if there was going to be a war and naturally this song came out of it, reflecting on the fears he and his daughter have and that everyone deserves a future and a lifetime not taken away from them by conflict and fear. This is a good song idea but it absolutely does not work, and that’s partially down to the production. When I first heard this track on the album, I genuinely grimaced at the vocoder-mumble that Grohl takes on against the scratchy acoustic guitars. The whole point of the instrumentation is that it builds tension with rising strings, multi-tracked acoustics and eventually some electric guitars and powerful drums, yet because of how slow-paced the song is, it fails to mirror the rising tension of the prospect of there being a war. Instead, it’s a slog and its pay-off by the end feels unwarranted in the most boring way. Sure, the squeals of the guitars in the back of the mix sound good, but surely a song like this should not end like any of the Foo Fighters’ other pop-rock anthems, especially not as abruptly as it does. Wouldn’t you want a more subdued outro to comfort your daughter’s fears that at least right now, everything’s okay? That would make the most sense to me, but that’s thrown out of the window, with pathetic songwriting, with verses that play word association with the blandest of rhymes, seemingly irrelevant pop-song-generator filer and a chorus that is mind-numbingly repetitive but ultimately fails to build tension because of the content asking us to wait, constantly, even when it gets into its heavier rock tone. We’re supposed to wait for something that is only implied to never come, because there isn’t finality. Sure, that could work as a way of saying that Grohl is just as uncertain and scared as his daughter is about political conflict, but that would imply this song gives off any further emotion than the fact the Foo Fighters felt the need to cut a vaguely political track out of necessity. As a song, and as an album, Dave Grohl is utterly confused, and “Waiting on a War” is way too slow and non-specific to act as a protest song, as well as being way too on-the-nose for it to work as a ballad. Let’s talk about this next single.

#52 – “Making a Fire” – Foo Fighters

Produced by Greg Kurstin

What the hell is Greg Kurstin doing here? This is the first track on the album and is supposed to make some kind of gripping impact but is instead just a snoozefest. The choral female vocals sound bored, but at least it’s not as strained as the struggling Dave Grohl trying and failing to yelp over a stiff groove which has its momentum killed by drumming too slow and mixed too oddly to make this pre-chorus even coherent, not helped by Grohl’s butt-rock delivery and non-descript lyrics. There could be a guitar solo here, to make this track feel memorable, but no, it’s hidden under a pre-chorus with an extended gospel bridge that doesn’t build up effectively to a chorus that just comes crashing in and hence has no effect. Maybe I just can’t listen to arena  rock in a quarantine context, but I can’t even imagine this making much of a fuss in a packed stadium without desperately needing tweaks in the songwriting and especially the production, because this just sounds stunted. It’s telling that Grohl made his best tracks as the Foo Fighters on his own and those first two records, alongside a pretty decent 2014 comeback in the form of Sonic Highways, are still great. I’m not denying that Grohl can write a good song, or that the Food Figures can’t play, because they’re all talented guys. This is just one album in many that leaves me with the feeling that these guys just can’t do much more outside of their comfort zone than fail miserably. These songs won’t stick around, and thank God for that.

#50 – “Believe Me” – Navos

Produced by Tom Demac and Navos

Another week, another... okay, but we already had a generic pop-infused deep house track from a couple EDM randos, do we really need another? Okay, well, this one is even less interesting than Imanbek’s effort as it doesn’t even try for a verse, instead going for a deep house groove I’ve heard countless times before, drowned out by some square synths and, yes, you guessed it, 90s piano loops and an uncredited female vocalist repeating basically the same couple lines over and over. This is made for the clubs, but I feel like even regular club-goers would tire of this vocaloid drop and cloudy production two minutes in. There’s nothing worth discussing here, because this probably took as many minutes to make as it did to listen to. I have no idea why Navos debuts a song so high, but I’ve got to assume TikTok’s to blame. Apparently this guy makes tech house, where’d any of that skill or intrigue go here?

#21 – “Up” – Cardi B

Produced by Sean Island, DJ SwanQo and Yung Dza

Anyone else surprised at how such a big name gets production from people I’ve never heard of before? Not that it matters, it’s just odd. Anyways, this is Cardi’s new single, presumably from that ever-elusive second album, debuting around 20 spots lower than it will in the US, and it’s going for a more gangsta-rap content than the hyper-sexual “WAP”, but does she keep the same energy? Well, yes... in fact, after all the mediocrity, I’m glad to have a genuinely great song debut this week. This is a great, bass-heavy beat that gives a Memphis phonk feel in the dark keys as well as the hard-hitting 808s and spacey percs and sound effects that add some needed distortion, even if there’s going to be some brief clipping along the way. Cardi brings some necessary energy from the brilliant opening lyrics and continues with a fast-paced, chanting flow that accentuates some of her funnier lyrics with her charisma that she always brings to a trap track like this. I’d say that this is maybe too repetitive – with very little of the verses to speak of – or even somewhat derivative of her previous song, “Money”, but there’s a lot better lyrical content in this one, not to mention how well she complements a more straight-forward but still killer beat. Oh, yeah, and Cardi’s stacks are Shaq-height as she dismisses haters with an impressive level of swagger and confidence, that carries the refrain, but that’s not to say the lyrics aren’t really great in the verses. There’s genuinely funny and sexy wordplay here, especially in the second verse, and also some great liners: “hoes speakin’ cap-anese”, accusing her haters of having pink-eye and their breath smelling like “horse sex”. This is a short, probably underdeveloped song, but it’s the type of surreal, high-energy trap I kind of really love and I hope this sticks around further in the UK.

#19 – “Latest Trends” – A1 x J1

Produced by ShoBeatz

A1 x J1 are a British rap duo with no other songs. Yeah, something’s fishy here: this is their only song on Spotify that blew up from a 15-second clip on TikTok, and their Spotify bio is trying to decide whether they’re the next D-Block Europe or the Beatles, as well as really emphasising how the song grew “all organically”, even though they’re already signed to Universal... yeah, there’s nothing subtle here, so I won’t buy this TikTok fame schtick, but does it matter when the song is good? Well, not really, and honestly, I’m kind of into this guitar-based drill-R&B fusion in the beat, but it doesn’t really help the fact that J1’s Stormzy impression is janky and unconvincing, especially if he’s going to try for some shallow wordplay, and that A1’s Auto-Tuned croon is just boring, reminding me a lot of A Boogie wit da Hoodie, but with a less recognisable voice and delivery, even if the first verse contains a funny line about a woman making that ass clap “for the NHS”, although he totally took that from Swarmz anyway. Yeah, I’m not a fan of this fake attempt at an organic pop-drill crossover, but unfortunately, I can very much see this working, though I’d be happy if the British public will see through this dishonesty as soon as possible.

#5 – “Bringing it Back” – Digga D and AJ Tracey

Produced by TheElements and AoD

Now for a rap duo that makes more sense to debut this high and are actually, you know, separately successful rappers, therefore they debut in the top five, which is impressive. The whole concept of this song is that Digga D and AJ Tracey are using old flows, those that would be nostalgic to their deeper fan base, to spit bars on a new track called, fittingly “Bringing it Back”. The flow AJ Tracey brings back is from his overlong “Packages” freestyle, a five-minute track from 2016, that works more as a freestyle than it does as a song, where he uses a familiar UK drill flow to go off for a really long time, and, yes, it is pretty impressive but the flow becomes stale too quickly. Digga D uses his flow from his “Next Up?” freestyle from 2017, a similarly badly-mixed UK drill freestyle but with a much more palatable length. Digga D’s flow he uses in that track is arguably slicker but honestly one that I see used a lot in UK drill and by Digga D, so I’m not sure it’s not worth “bringing it back” when you could come up with a new, catchier flow. I’ll admit that “Bringing it Back”, however, is a pretty damn good song, with Digga D’s more technical and fluid flow allowing for a lot more intricate internal rhymes that sound really great over the triumphant, string-heavy drill beat, as he trades bars with AJ Tracey’s slower but more confident, laid-back flow, which allows him to spit some more specific, interesting bars, some of which really hit, like when he says he “locked up the food for the kids like Boris and then I let it go like Rashford”. Hey, I respect it, I haven’t heard a more clever way of intertwining political commentary with cocaine smuggling since Pusha T last released a record. The way AJ Tracey and Digga D play off of each other’s lines is really smooth, and especially how Digga D plays with the beat, as while his lyrics may be less interesting, they mash perfectly with the beat’s frantic fades in and out, especially in his last lines before the first chorus, where he asks for the track to literally be turned off... and it is. So, yeah, I’m pretty damn happy with this debuting so high off the energy alone, even if Digga D is going to pronounce “LOL” like a one-syllable word. I’d say this is actually a really good starting point for people who want to get into more UK drill because it has a lot of the grit and menace of the genre in a more accessible, catchy form, even if it may run a bit too long for my taste.

Conclusion

Wow, what a weird, weird week... and a lot of it was straight garbage. I’m giving Best of the Week to “Up” by Cardi B, with an Honourable Mention to Digga D and AJ Tracey for “Bringing it Back”, though Worst of the Week is pretty much a toss-up. I’ll give it to the Foo Fighters for “Waiting on a War”, with a Dishonourable Mention tied between “Astronaut in the Ocean” by Masked Wolf and “Believe Me” by Navos for just both being worthless. Anyways, here’s our top 10:

The UK Singles Chart is honestly kind of chaotic right now – even more so than usual – and I don’t see that changing. Even if I don’t like all of the songs, it’s at least compelling. Anyways, thank you for reading and you can follow me @cactusinthebank on Twitter if you want. I can’t really make any predictions for next week other than Taylor Swift re-recording her own music and I guess some impact from Rita Ora and Imanbek, or hopefully, slowthai. Regardless of what happens, I’ll see you next week!

[puppypaw-wc]

i just wanted to ramble ‘bout undertale... hhhhhhhh.

aka me just describing the whole plot of the game... this one’s just the ruins tho cuz i don’t think tumblr would let me type out the whole game’s plot in detail.

i understand if y’all don’t wanna see this so it’s under the cut.

soooo uh. the opening “cutscene”/whatever you call it is just a few images with text explaining the events prior to the game.

“long ago, two races ruled over earth: humans and monsters. one day, war broke out between the two races. in the end, the humans were victorious. they sealed the monsters underground with a magic spell. many years later . . . mt. ebbot. 201X. legends say those who climb the mountain never return...”

the last frames show a human who you’d at first assume to be the player character climbing the mountain and falling in; however, it is not the player character (frisk), as the human in the intro only has one stripe on their shirt, while frisk’s shirt has two.

anyways after that you get presented with the start menu (it’s track is creatively entitled, you guessed it, start menu!) with instructions on how to play the game. once you start, you get to name the fallen human.

now, this is honestly kinda ingenious. it doesn’t say “name your character”, it doesn’t say “what is your name?”; no, it says “name the fallen human”.

there’s also responses to some specific names.

like if you name yourself “fight” (or something like that) or “mercy”, the response is “that’s a little on the nose, isn’t it?”, though the name’s still allowed to be used.

naming yourself one of the main characters’ names (or however much can fit) also elicits special responses, and most of them aren’t allowed to be used, but there’s a couple instances of them being usable. like papyrus’ name is too long so if you enter “papyru” as your name the response is “I’LL ALLOW IT” and the name’s allowed to be used. the names “blooky” or “napsta” (as in napstablook) are also allowed, with the response being “... (they are powerless to stop you)”. my favorite is either naming yourself “flowey” or “temmie” tho.

the name “flowey” gets the response “i already CHOSE that name” (flowey had the ability to reset/save/etc. before frisk) with it not being allowed, while naming yourself “temmie” gets the response “hOi!!!” as a reference to the species of temmie (temmie is best undertale character /hj) and is allowed. it used to make tem flakes heal more but that was removed for some reason.

ANYWAYS the game starts after you name yourself (the “true name” is chara, which elicits the response “the true name”, so i’ll be referring to “the fallen human” as such). you start out with your armor as the bandage and your weapon as the stick... both of which have 0 of their corresponding stat.

in the next room, you meet a talking flower, who introduces himself.

“howdy! i’m flowey! flowey the flower! hmm, you’re new to the underground, aren’t’cha? golly, you must be so confused! someone oughta teach ya how things work around here. (oop i’m listening to the undertale ost and finale started playing-fitting-) guess lil’ old me will have to do? ready? let’s go!”

you then find yourself in a battle. on the bottom of the screen, there’s two things: your LV, which is 1 at the time, and your hp, which is 20/20. in the middle of the screen is the bullet board, with a red heart inside. flowey’s above the bullet board. oh, and in battles, everything’s black and white other then the heart and some attacks.

“see that heart? that’s your SOUL. the very culmination of your being! your SOUL starts off weak, but grows stronger with LV. what’s LV stand for? why, LOVE, of course! you want some LOVE, don’t you? *he winks* down here, love is spread through little, white... “friendliness pellets”. go on! collect as many as you can!”

now, here, there’s two options: run into the “friendliness pellets” (which makes this part go by faster) or dodge them, which elicits some funny responses from flowey.

“hey buddy. you missed them. let’s try this again, shall we?”

“is this a joke? are you brain dead? RUN. INTO. THE. BULLETS friendliness pellets.”

“you know what’s going on here, don’t’cha? you just wanted to see me SUFFER. who would pass up an opportunity like this? DIE.”

running into them elicits basically the same thing as the last response, though he states that “in this world, it’s kill or be killed” first. i also don’t remember what he says if you run into them cuz i always dodge them... cuz it’s funny...

you find your SOUL surrounded with the “friendliness pellets”, and it seems that you’re doomed to death... but when they hit you, instead of harming you, they heal you.

flowey gets a confused look on his face before he’s hit with a fireball and goat mom toriel appears!

“what a terrible creature, torturing such a poor, innocent youth. do not be afraid, my child. i am toriel, caretaker of the ruins. i pass through here everyday to see if a human has fallen. you are the first to have come here in a very long time.”

she also says some other stuff but i don’t remember it so. :shruggie:

anyways, you follow her into the next room, where you find a four-pointed star; a save point.

“the shadow of the ruins looms above, filling you with determination. (HP fully restored).”

this is your first opportunity to save, which is interestingly enough not just a game mechanic; it’s an in-universe feature as well.

(okay wtf undertale ost on shuffle, it played temmie village and then tem shop immediately after, wtf???)

anyways, toriel guides you through (read: does for you) a few puzzles, before you find yourself in a long hallway, where she says she wants to test your independence by making you walk to the end of the hallway by yourself. 

she’s just hiding behind a pillar at the other end of the hallway.

toriel says that she has a few errands to run, and gives you a cellphone before leaving. you can get some funny calls if you do wait, and at the end of it all her phone gets stolen by a dog. despite this, she still calls you when you leave the room. she does actually have special dialogue, though: “My apologies. A strange dog kidnapped my phone.”

anyways, you travel through the ruins, getting encounters with the enemies (froggit, whimsun, loox, vegetoid, moldsmal, migosp), who you can all spare.

i forgot the dummy battle tutorial, basically toriel has a training dummy as a battle tutorial.

things you can do:

talk to it: this makes the battle end, and makes toriel seem happy with you. it’s technically the right thing to do but the others are funnier.

fight it: this kills the dummy, though it doesn’t give you exp, and thus you can still get a true pacifist route.

flee: you run away from the battle and toriel says that it’s a good strategy... but it’s just a dummy, it can’t hurt you and doesn’t seek revenge.

do nothing: if you do nothing for eight turns (including missing attacks), dummy “tires of your aimless shenanigans” and leaves. toriel is confused by this, but continues on as if nothing happened.

whatever you do elicits a different response in a future mini-boss’ pre-battle dialogue, so. yeah.

ANYWAYS!

the ruins’ mini-boss is napstablook, a ghost who, according to themself, “usually comes to the RUINS because there's nobody around”.

to spare them, you need to cheer three times; this makes them show you their “dapper blook” trick, which is a top hat made of tears. they stop attacking to await your response, and if you flirt or cheer, the encounter ends.

also random fun fact: just like with the dummy, killing napstablook doesn’t give you exp, and thus a true pacifist route doesn’t end.

“FIGHTing Napstablook causes them to remind the protagonist that they are a ghost and therefore unable to be killed; they were only lowering their HP to be nice. They then vanish, and the protagonist suffers a loss of one "experience point" (not the same as EXP). This action does not abort the True Pacifist Route since it does not accrue any EXP.”

(x)

oh yeah, did i mention that EXP and LV don’t mean experience points and level?

flowey was actually correct about LV being LOVE. however, it’s an acronym, namely for level of violence. EXP, on the other hand, is an acronym for execution points.

continuing through the ruins and doing some puzzles (one of which includes several holes you must fall through to find a switch, one of which has the faded ribbon, a piece of armor, in it), you can get the toy knife, a weapon, before heading to toriel’s house, where she’s made you a butterscotch-cinnamon pie.

you see, earlier on in the ruins, she asks if you prefer butterscotch or cinnamon (if you’ve reset/loaded a save from after this point, she actually remembers your answer), before asking if you’d turn up your nose at the sight of the other/if you have allergies. there wasn’t enough of both at the store or something along those lines if i remember right.

anyways, you go to sleep in your room (yes, you have your own bedroom and yes, that is pure, and yes, toriel is the best), and she puts a slice of the pie on the floor for you to collect. it’s a healing item that restores all your hp, but i’d recommend saving it honestly.

toriel’s reading in the living room, where you can talk to her and either ask how to leave, or just talk to her. you do have to leave for the game to progress, though.

after asking her how to leave like three or four times, she goes downstairs and talks to you before fighting you, asking you to prove that you’ll be able to survive.

you see...

“Every human that falls down here meets the same fate. I have seen it again and again. They come. They leave. They die. You naive child... If you leave the RUINS... They... ASGORE... Will kill you. I am only protecting you, do you understand? ... go to your room.”

the fight with toriel is one that people often mess up on, though the strategy for her fight is actually foreshadowed by an npc froggit earlier on in the ruins.

many people think that you have to weaken her, or just end up killing her because they don’t see how else to do it.

so, what does happen if you kill her? well, it depends.

if you attack her once she stops attacking:

“You... ... at my most vulnerable moment... To think I was worried you wouldn't fit out in there... Eheheheh!!! You really are no different than them! Ha... Ha...”

on a neutral route:

“Urgh... You are stronger than I thought... Listen to me, small one... If you go beyond this door, Keep walking as far as you can. Eventually, you will reach an exit. ... .... ASGORE... Do not let ASGORE take your soul. His plan cannot be allowed to succeed. ....... Be good, won't you? My child.“

on a genocide route:

“Y... you... really hate me that much? Now I see who I was protecting by keeping you there. Not you... But them! Ha... ha...”

fun fact: until today my dumbass though that “them” was referring to chara and only just realized that it’s referring to the monsters further in the underground.

and now, it’s time for flowey (slash indicates a break in the text).

on a pacifist route (where you don’t kill anyone):

“Clever. Verrrryyy clever. / You think you're really smart, don't you? / In this world, it's kill or be killed. / So you were able to play by your own rules. / You spared the life of a single person. / Hee hee hee... / I bet you feel really great. / You didn't kill anybody this time. / But what will you do if you meet a relentless killer? / You'll die and you'll die and you'll die.Until you tire of trying. / What will you do then? / Will you kill out of frustration? / Or will you give up entirely on this world...... / and let ME inherit the power to control it? / I am the prince of this world's future. / Don't worry, my little monarch, my plan isn't regicide. / This is SO much more interesting.”

on a genocide route (where you kill everyone, exhausting the kill counter until the “but nobody came” message appears):

“Hahaha... / You're not really human, are you? / No. You're empty inside. Just like me. In fact... / You're Chara, right? / We're still inseperable, after all these years... / Listen. I have a plan to become all powerful. / Even more powerful than you and your stolen soul. / Let's destroy everything in this wretched world. / Everyone, everything in these worthless memories... / Let's turn 'em all to dust.”

(note that by “chara” i mean “whatever you named the fallen human”)

and that’s it for the ruins.

uh. yeah.

sorry for rambling about undertale so much on main, i love it too much.

#puppy rambles #undertale #things that're definitely my special interests

[percysbluepizza]

Oh we ARE impertinent

okay since @annabetncnase asked for it, my big ole post, UNEDITED about the Lightning Thief Musical on Broadway. good luck to anyone who attempts to read this shit

ACT 1

Prologue/Day I Got Expelled

Alright so there is big boom lightning at the very very beginning of the show because Of Course there is? But it also comes with a huge flash of light, which startled liTERALLY everyone in the audience. Very fun, good use of technical effects. First guy on is James Hayden (Luke + Some) and he opens with the line. Then KRISTEN FUCKING STOKES (whom I have grown to ADORE) and the rest of the ensemble (Sally, Claiese, and Grover) come on and have this AMAZING choreography. They’re singing and all and then these curtains (which have been up and are on my pic) get pulled away from both sides by the whole onstage cast and CHRIS runs up and does this slide thingy to the very tippy top of the stage, where he sat for a moment, then turned to the audience and started. I about screamed and I’m not joking, he’s so expressive and such a great Percy (god I’m in love with him great work). As the song progressed, I was impressed by the ability with lighting use and all these cool stage tricks to have the Mrs. Dodds and also the pen/sword thing! Jorrel plays Grover so well, he’s so empathetic and caring toward Percy and I!!! So the whole story of him getting expelled is explained and god it is so fucking sad. Percy’s voice cracks. Percy’s fucking upset clearly and doesn’t understand and ouch…. ‘So if you think you are a half-blood’ is said so gently, and then THE DANCING. Chris can dance. Like well. Very well. So during ‘THis ain’t Odyssey’s Odyssey” he did a big ole kick and danced his heart out. SO good.

Strong

So obviously there’s some talking in between the first piece and this one, and there was a scene change when the lights went out and now they’re in Percy’s apartment with his mom and Gabe. Gabe is like… god you seem him and you loathe him bc he’s played so well. Percy sprays a chan of ‘aerosol’ at one point bc Gabe smells. And Chris just captures Percy’s compassion so well… He tells his mom that she doesn’t have to stay with Gabe and doesn’t deserve that and ugh so good. There are genuine blue marshmallows. and the way they did the little fire with the fog in the bucket and Percy’s mom’s comforting him hhh.

The Minotaur/The Weirdest Dream

The transfer to this scene/piece is very quick, Grover comes running in with a trash can over his head and he asks if Percy told Sally about the field trip and she said no and it was just a big mess of miscommunication. He basically gets to the point where he says the Minotaur is after Percy and holy shit. This boy is massive. And the design of it is insane and it’s got red eyes and wow. ‘I hope you’re really a SWORD” and he fight and it’s all just great. Sally goes away, Percy kills the beast and then ‘Don’t pass out…” Poseidon is in a tank top and a open Hawaiian shirt as well as flip flops and just “oh look, a man in a Hawaiian shirt’ He takes the seashell and is just the most confused. And then they bring in Annabeth, pushing her on one of those dolly things and she’s ‘floating’ and the whole thing is a big dream. Up until she tells him “You drool when you sleep” right and the thing is… the banner for CHB unfurls and the lights come back up and all of that and just it’s a true rude awakening. Then he looked around the camp and was so confused, Annabeth (beautiful, amazing, badass Kristin) started explaining what was happening and he had no clue. She then calls for Mr. D  

Another Terrible Day

I don’t think you guys realize how good Jorrel is. Maybe you do but we stan Jorrel. But he comes out dressed in not matching clothes with a bright button up (pink) and plaid shirt, suspenders. He’s angry. Percy explains that he has no clue what’s going and everything’s getting explained to him with the other demigods. The other demigods are so cute and I love them so much. And he’s yelling through a megaphone. Jorrel can do so many roles so well and he did a great job. “You’re a horse?!” also he just clops. Like it’s human legs. Clip clop bitch. With a tail.

Their Sign

Again the transition from the first song to this second one is really fast. Chiron’s comforting but god is Percy angry. I love that tbh. Chris is clearly upset and he feels for Percy. And he shows it. He’s upset and then Percy’s voice goes all soft… Love that. Luke starts being buddy-buddy and showing him that it’s gonna be alright. Supposedly.

Put You In Your Place

Fucking. Sarah. Goddamn. I can’t believe how good she is. We stan so hard. Her fit? Great. Her voice? Belted. Awesome. Annabeth truly out here though. SHe’s intimidating as fuck and she knows what she’s about. There’s so much cool battle choreo in this scene and it just looks great. There’s blocking and stabbing and it looks awesome. Also that guitar riff that she comes in with is rad. And then the bathroom thing. Great. Percy’s cornered and it clearly shows that his powers came as a last resort with stress and the way they flashed the blue lights is just great I love that so fucking much. And they’re asking about the way he figured out those powers and they’re freaked out. Cool shit. Also “The plan would have worked either way.” Holy fucking shit. Annabeth is fucking scary as hell. She gives zero fucks about Percy at the beginning

The Campfire Song

The way they made the campfire is so cool! Very techy. And I didn’t realize they’re sitting around the campfire eating dinner together as a camp. Very family much love I’m a big fan. They’re putting the food into the fire and then complaining and I love it. Percy’s so sweet trying to talk about his mom and then come back around once they tell him what’s going on. Also they have a cute dance they do together. SO unified and lovely. And then THE FUCKING SIGN COMES. Percy’s sign. The whole thing. They’re looking and he’s like “Is that a fork?” “I’m the Son of Poseidon? sweet!) Everyone freaks out when they’re sure he’s a son of Poseidon. Percy is told to go see the “Mummy in the attic” “That’s old people talk for Mom, right?” Cue the Oracle.

The Oracle

This sounds so dumb but kinda like… found the Oracle impressive. Spooky. 10/10 Also… side note… Chris plays Percy with a lot of random mannerisms and movement and it’s really quite fun to watch. Anyway the Oracle is big spooky and she’s in a huge dress and she’s pointing to him and it has all the people who are in the next scene sitting there underneath and moving the dress. Big cool. And the vocals! Sis can sing. And it’s just beautiful bc then Percy has to see Mr. D and Chiron, the first of whom wants to turn Percy into a dolphin. “Percy you have no choice.” “You’re expelling me again?” Basically Percy is getting kicked out of camp bc of his unwillingness to do the quest. And there’s the transition to Good Kid my friends.

Good Kid

Guys oh fuck. Oh shit. Chris just really came out here to kill with the vocals tonight. And My heart? He kinda does a fist thing toward what would be the Big House and walks off to sulk, starting the song and walking around being angry ugh. He climbs up the back of the stage (which is essentially scaffolding) and sits at the end to deliver the sad part of the line when everything goes piano-y and soft and essentially that’s him sitting at the docks at the lake and watching the water. Luke later finds him (“If you’re a son of Poseidon, don’t hide at the lake, that’s where everyone will look.” and talks to him about the quest, where they figure out his mom would be in the Underworld if she was anywhere. Also there’s a trident where Percy is the middle prong and the other two are blue and shine on him UGH yeah

Killer Quest

“Yeah I’ll do it!” Was delivered so well, so sweet and innocent. This kid just misses his mom. Also since when did Luke and Percy get a bro handshake? Grover shows up with a bunch of bags and says he’ll go too (Luke’s chilling in the background) and he gives him the official questing backpack. I think Luke leaves at this point to get some shoes. Annabeth is there with a bag telling him that she’s going too and that her mom will be excited and they’re all dancing together and god I’m so emotional. They dance and they all work as a team so well great work you guys. And the lights turn out with them starting their quest!

Lost

Return from intermission with a literal bang, as there are three demon triplet math teachers on the bus, with Percy on top and Grover and Annabeth inside. The driver’s screaming, they’re screaming, Percy hops off the top and then fights the fury outside and eventually… The bus explodes, with confetti raining over the audience. Awesome. The piece of paper is in Annabeth’s bag pocket actually. And Percy’s trying to be a reassuring friend to Grover, who’s freaking out, and he’s trying to keep Annabeth safe too… ugh great stuff. They move all together when they say “We’re lost in the woods” for the first time. Their priorities really become clear later in the song when they talk about what they’re wanting. Grover could not be more enthusiastic about the squirrel. Also this is the first time we see Annabeth laugh at Percy “I think that’s kind of nuts” is the line and she turns around to laugh into her hand. PURE AS HELL. Wandering aimless through the forest occurs for a minute longer until Percy decides. This point in the musical made me realize that these kids are young. Like 11 or 12. I love that. I felt that in this one. The kids go into Auntie M’s art studio. Annabeth’s asked to take a picture and she’s checking her hair in her dagger, meanwhile Percy’s getting a bad feeling now and Grover’s looking more and more intently at Uncle Ferdinand. Percy is then asked to join in. No camera you say? MEDUSA REVEAL. They do a big battle and Grover ends up picking up Percy and swinging him around to cut off Medusa’s head. Which gets thrown in her own fridge for the time being. Grover leaves.

My Grand Plan

Bitch. This was the moment I teared up a lot. She sat down and started singing and I felt. I FELT. I’m depressed as fuck at the moment and I started feeling things bc of this damn song. Kristin Stokes I love you. Anyway, she’s singing and Percy intently watches, and she’s telling the gods to Wise Up by pointing directly to the sky. SHe’s saying BITCH YOU WILL NOTICE ME. And the pain in her voice when she explains her family situation. The soft part? She’s talking directly to Percy and looking at him, telling him what’s going on. Dear god did I feel. I’m so proud of her my queen Annabeth Chase. She finishes explaining and Percy says: “No more fighting” and she says “Not between us anyway” and they shake on it. I love that. Then Percy decides to have a little fun with the gods and boxes up Medusa’s head. “THey’ll think we’re impertinent Percy.” “Oh, we are impertinent.” He writes both Annabeth and his own name on that box and ships it via the Hermes express. Grover comes back in. “While you guys were in here not solving all our problems, I found these!” “Three Amtrack tickets!?”

Drive

We boarding the train. WE singing. Life is dandy again. Percy sticks his hand in a dog cage and it bites him. They take a tractor which is scaffolding tied to a wheelchair which a guy pulls. They meet Bianca and then they meet Ares after arguing with each other. Cool guy. Also Percy looks so free and proud of himself when he’s on the back of the motorcycle “I mean, look at where I am!” He’s so PROUD holy shit. Also they all put one foot forward during the different lines god the Choreography so fucking cute dear lord. Anyway they’re going and going and they meet Bianca who’s got braids and then they move on!!! I love them! I’m proud. They take another bus. “This time we just won’t blow it up.” They’re sitting on the bus (or train not really sure) and all asleep. Percy’s dreaming now. And Annabeth and Grover are also sleeping. Each is on a chair and it’s kind of cute tbh.

The Weirdest Dream (Reprise)

Percy’s standing there in his dream and he’s very confused. This is ‘scary” and I love that. He’s standing and listening to the these people in his dream talking. Kronos is so fucking scary they literally make him scary. His voice is so deep and spooky and fuck man. Luke’s talking to him (downward, into a pit, technically on the top of the scaffolding) and he’s in a cloak and Kronos says Percy’s name and the lights flash all sorts of colors and then he’s back in his seat. Chris does a bunch of spins until he gets back to his seat and Grover’s shaking him awake, saying he was screaming. Annabeth can’t sleep either. Everyone’s on edge. Thalia’s name was mentioned in the dream and Grover sits up straighter and says he hasn’t heard that name in awhile.

Tree on the Hill

Oh shit this was so emotional. So Grover explains that he didn’t tell Percy this any sooner because he was afraid Percy might not want him to come. Big sad. But he starts the song and let me tell you I never felt like crying more. So Grover’s narrating this story and Percy’s listening on the train and above them, like with the main bridge, Annabeth, Luke and Thalia are slow mo acting out the details of the story until Thalia becomes a tree. Thalia is the same girl that plays Clarriese, and every other character almost omg. But when he’s explaining her turning into a tree, Annabeth and Luke stand behind Thalia and become the branches. So symbolic and so beautiful. Percy comforts Grover and then it’s the last stop.

DOA

THis song. At first I didn’t like it on the soundtrack. Skipped it. But goddamn what a bop. The sparkly dress, the funky tunes, the control of all of the kids so they all dance together. Also dying in a really big bathtub. Yeah. Real. The way they did the elevator with the lights moving in the background was actually super convincing and I Loved that. The dress sparkles all over and all the other background people are in cloaks are dancing too, including James who makes this beautiful jump I love it so much. But they’re all scared and cornered against the light and then have to reconvene together. They all get up from the ground frazzled and then Percy’s shoes start doing something weird. His feet start flying away from him and he’s confused and freaking out and all of a sudden they’re in front of the pit. Oh god the pit was so cool. I thought the feet were shaking and it’s so cool and and the pit literally looks like a pit. I know they’re looking into a light but it’s so scary! The shoes go down into the pit and the tartar sauce joke is made. I love this. SO scary. AND BOLT REVEAL. The line that Percy’s says “betrayed by a friend’ that accuses Annabeth after she pulls the bolt from his bag. I gasped. And then Hades comes around and he’s in a sparkly jacket and says he’ll have his friends and his mom back if he gives him the bolt and then gives them a chance to decide. Everyone walks off stage and he stands there and debates.

Son of Poseidon

Percy’s mom comes out and tells him that what belongs to the sea can always return. She does a little loop around him and he spins in a circle and follows her for a moment. He starts singing and GOD CHRIS. He’s realizing that he has the shell and all that. He blows the conch and a blue light shines on the right side of the stage, the PORTAL. They jump through the portal and they’re all excited that they survived. Standing on the beach and Percy pulled new shoes out and starts putting them on. He tells them that they’re his two best friends and he hugs them close and fuck man the original trio feels. They summon Ares. Ares comes out and he’s fucking ripped and got a pipe. A literal pipe. They start fighting and it looks like they’re losing, Annabeth lost her dagger (which was strapped to her thigh goddamn) and Grover’s down, Percy’s lost his sword. “Percy get to the ocean” He runs to the stage, Kristin and Jorrel run backstage and deliver the blowers with TP. “How about a lot of it!”He yelled and theres the music and he’s relishing the moment, Chris is just giving it his fucking all and there’s a lot going on and I just.. Was amazed beautiful. Great work cast. Ares is washed away and then Percy says: “You can escort us, back to camp.” They’re escorted back.

Last Day of Summer

Percy is standing there and he’s stunned essentially. What does he do now? He gets a letter from his mom with her newest sculpture and that she’s going to school. Annabeth passes him and talks to him about going home and she calls him Seaweed Brain. He and Luke battle when he accuses Luke of being the lightning thief. Luke fucking says yes right and then STABS HIM after trying to convince Annabeth to pick the right side (his side) and she disarms him but he takes a knife and stabs Percy. He runs away, Percy’s on the ground, Annabeth’s at his side and holding him. She’s giving him emergency ambrosia as he’s dying and he looks like he’s gone but then he comes back. She says Seaweed Brain and he says Wise girl and hugs him to her and SHIT man.

Bring on the Monsters

Percy motivates the camp. Tells them it’s real, shits getting real and they need to get ready. He’s got his sword and his fresh stab wound and he motivates them to get going, all of them sing and then Chris does his beautiful solo thing and stands in front with his sword and they’re all singing in the background. When he maintains his line on the bottom people are passing back and forth around him and touching his shoulder as they pass him and he yells excitedly back next summer at one point. And they all stand together in the back and the spotlight hits him as he says he’ll be back next summer and the guitar ends. damn.

The curtains come up and they’re all there taking bows and I love them. Main points: these boys flexible, they’re all doing kicks and all sorts of shit like that, jumping up and down and dancing as well as singing, I’m very impressed. also Chris plays Percy so well. He’s got all the things that were in my head for Percy for all the quirks and ADHD and UGH I love that. Kristin rocked my fucking world and Jorrel played every character so cleanly and had such great vocals. I love them. I love them all. The end.

If you made it to the end of this fucking long ass post send me an ask or a message bc I’m proud of you and you deserve a reward 

#julz talks #tlt musical #I am very emotional and in love with every single on of them #also... I wrote this right after the show so I was just FEELING my dudes

[theamberfang]

NitW: Day 11 [part 1]

Preface

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post for Night in the Woods; I’ve had a problem with how I had been continuously increasing the amount of detail I tried to include in retelling my gameplay sessions, and it simply reached a point where it was too much.

With my most recent gameplay session [which was now a few weeks ago] I went in with the intention of just sticking to highlights that I felt like I could really talk about. It sounds like it would be easier, but such a drastic change in approach created a different source of anxiety—really, I probably would have continued to be anxious about things regardless.

Maybe it was just having enough time pass, or maybe I’ve had a bit of inspiration lately, but I’m feeling ready to actually try tackling this analysis/review project-thing again.

No Worries

The first notable thing I can remember from Mae’s eleventh day back home in Possum Springs was the conversation she had with her mom. Mae confessed that she has been stressing out about having put the family in debt—among other things—which made her dropping out all the worse. Her mom’s response was to tell Mae that she didn’t have to worry about all of that stuff and that they were doing okay.

The impression I have is that this wasn’t a great response; it wasn’t bad exactly, but I don’t think it’s what Mae wanted/needed to hear. In this moment of her life, Mae feels both aimless and powerless. She doesn’t know what to do, and, even if she did, she doesn’t feel like she could. In this very instance, she’s identified a problem that she’s worrying about, but instead of allowing Mae to do something about it, her mom just sort of shoos her away from it. Being told to “not worry about it” isn’t helping with Mae feeling like some sort of useless burden.

Nap

For the first time in my playthrough, Mae was able to get to the right-most part of the church. Mom let her know it was open (at the church, not as part of the above “morning” discussion) so that Mae could take a nap.

While Mae is napping, the player is greeted with the image of a ghostly apparition. It appears to be an elderly feline gentleman, who I assumed to be [an image of] Mae’s late grandfather. As with many of the “supernatural” events so far, it’s difficult to tell how literal this is. Is this something of a dream? Is it a memory? Is it literally her grandfather’s ghost coming to spend time with Mae?

Whatever that little event was, I don’t think it was a bad thing. Actually, I don’t recall there being much to indicate Mae’s reaction, if any—thinking back, I think it cut to Mae already being outside the church. Without cues from Mae to help interpret things, things are left up to the player’s imagination when it comes to that scene. I personally took it most as a nostalgic memory of her grandad, so I came away feeling good about Mae’s nap. I wonder if other people came away being a bit spooked.

Bruce

Lastly, and about where I ended off my last session, Mae found Pastor K. out on the church grounds. Pastor K. was looking for Bruce, so Mae explained that he had left town to return to his kids and how he looked happy about it.

Pastor K. didn’t have much to say in response; her silence felt somber to me. It makes me feel like I may have been right: that Bruce was intending to commit suicide. I had vaguely recalled—from one of Mae’s early conversations with Bruce—a moment when Mae asked about Bruce’s daughter and how his silence prompted Mae to apologize. I had taken that to mean Bruce’s daughter was dead, so if he were “going to see his kids”... I imagine Pastor K. was similarly piecing these things together.

It’s possible that Bruce is fine and that Pastor K. is just sad that he’s left after she put so much work into trying to accommodate him. Maybe Bruce will turn up again later, alive and well, in the game, but I’m not expecting it at this point.

#nitw playthrough #nitw #suicide tw

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z Movie 15: Resurrection F

“Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection F” premiered on April 18, 2015.    Notably, it had a U.S. theatrical release only a few months later, in August.   Movie 14 got a U.S. theatrical release, but it took a lot longer, and fans didn’t really have any reason to expect that much.   In 2013, we were just waiting for Funimation to release it on home video.     But I think it says a lot about how successful Movie 14 was.    Not only did the sequel get made only a couple of years later, but the big shots in Japan who run all this stuff finally realized that there’s an international audience just as eager to pay for this stuff.   I want to say the Broly movie got released in the U.S. even faster, but I’d have to look it up.     And from what I understand, the Broly movie did even bigger business than Movies 14 and 15, so I think it’s safe to say that if they keep making more of these, we can count on a speedy localization.

Do we have Fox to thank for this?   I mean, would any of this Dragon Ball revival have happened if “Dragon Ball Evolution” hadn’t bombed so badly?    I mean, let’s say they did a good job and made DBE really kick ass, like the Thor movies.   By now they probably would have made a nice little trilogy, starring a mostly whitewashed cast.   Maybe the third one would be looked down upon, or they’d try to do a reboot like with the X-Men franchise, and people would write pointless thinkpiece articles asking stupid questions about “Dragon Ball fatigue”.    Teenage Justin Chatwick stans would be blogging things like “OMG Did you know there was a Dragon Ball Evolution cartoon?!?!?”   Maybe those live action movies would be better than Dragon Ball Super, but they’d probably also mark the end of the franchise.   At least with things as they are, there’s no telling how much more Dragon Ball content we might be getting in the 20′s.

Gee, Toei, how come your mom lets you have two logos at the start of the movie?

I just found this out last night, but Res F has the distinction of being the first movie where Toriyama wrote the actual screenplay, as opposed to just coming up with the plot and story, as in Movie 14.  I’m a fan of Toriyama’s work, obviously, but I’m don’t subscribe to the idea that anything he does is pure gold and everyone else who contributes to this franchise is ruining it somehow.   There are GT apologists who would try to argue that GT was more legitimate because Toriyama had some vague influence on the production, and he drew SSJ4 Goku once, so that means it’s magically awesome.  It just doesn’t work.    Movie 14 is better than Movie 15, and I don’t think that’s because one screenplay was better than the other, but the point is that you can’t just add more Toriyama labor and guarantee a superior product.

So there’s three big problems I have with this movie, and when I rewatched it this morning, my opinion hasn’t budged since 2015.  

First, the sole premise of this movie is that Frieza comes back to menace the good guys again.  That’s a bad move, period.   I find Frieza overrated to begin with, and they’ve already done handful of Frieza comebacks before this movie was ever conceived.    Even if it was a good idea, it’s so obvious that it’s barely worth doing.   When the DBS: Broly movie was first announced, I was worried that they were making the same mistake again, but then it turned out they had a bold twist on the character to justify the effort.   And that’s what it takes.   If you do something obvious and predictable, if you repeat an idea you’ve already used before, then you’d better have some sort of big twist to make it fresh.   Movie 15 does not have this.    It does an admirable job in spite of that flaw, but it’s a pretty serious flaw. 

Second, the visuals are bland and unimpressive.    The point of this movie is that Goku and Frieza are going to have a rematch of their epic showdown on Namek.    I just went back in my archives and pulled up a still from the Frieza Saga, and it looks ten times cooler than anything in the movie.   They were fighting on an exploding planet, surrounded by red skies, lightning, molten lava, and tornadoes.     Movie 15 boasts the same guys, supposedly more powerful than ever, but they fight like they’re in a video game, and the background is just this dismal cloudy sky.   They had 23 years to figure out how to raise the stakes, and all they could come up with was making Frieza yellow and Goku blue.  

Third, everyone acts like an idiot in this movie.  Like I said, we’ve done this dance before, but everyone just repeats the same mistakes and forgets that characters can do things that they’ve done in the past.   Sometimes I can’t tell whether it’s an honest flub, or a deliberate callback to classic DBZ.   All I know is that I remember how it went the first time, and you’d think the characters would too, since they lived it.   

Now, in spite of those issues, this film does a pretty decent job working with what it has.    It’s not nearly as bad as Movies 10 and 11, which commit these same three sins and puts the main characters on the sidelines.   But it’s a step down from Movie 14, and around the same time, Dragon Ball Super was starting up on Japanese TV, and that show was just adapting the movies for the first 32 episodes, so I was pretty displeased with the state of the franchise in 2015.

All right, let’s get started.    The movie opens in hell, which is pretty interesting, because up until now we’ve only ever seen Toei’s version of DBZ Hell.   There’s a lot of inconsistencies, like whether or not you get to keep your physical body, and whether or not hell is even that bad a place to be.   Since Toriyama wrote this thing, I have to assume this is his official version of DBZ’s Hell.    Conveniently, we find that it’s got plenty of layers to it, including a scary looking realm full of bats, an ocean full of Pokemon fish, and underneath all of that we have an idyllic meadow with pink trees.   

This is where Frieza’s being kept, and he just has to hang from the tree in some sort of testicle-looking thing.  There’s angels and fairies and a stuffed animal marching band, and it’s pretty cute, but I can see where you’d get sick of it after a while.

And Frieza’s been here for a while.    This movie is set in the year Age 779, and Frieza was killed by Future Trunks in Age 764, so he’s on Year Fifteen of his infinity-year sentence.   Has he been stuck in this particular torment for the entire time?   Who knows?   I don’t know much about Japanese afterlife mythology, but my understanding is that it’s like an even more complex version of Dante’s Inferno, where there’s all these different ordeals you have to suffer through for extraordinarily long periods of time.    Maybe they let him out part of the time so he can get beat up by Pikkon and watch Goku beat Majin Buu.  

One touch I appreciate is that he’s still in his Mecha-Frieza form.   Does it make sense for him to retain his cybernetic parts when Trunks chopped him up into so many pieces?    I don’t know, but Mecha-Frieza is my favorite Frieza, so I like the nod to that moment.  

Meanwhile, Frieza’s private army somehow still exists after all these years.  This movie calls it the “Frieza Force”, which I’m not too wild about, but I’ll run with it.   I think it’s kind of stupid to keep calling it that so long after Frieza’s death, but maybe it’s a bluff to anyone who doesn’t know Frieza’s dead.    At this point, all they have left is the name.   One of Frieza’s administrators, Sorbet, has taken charge of the whole thing, and I guess he’s done a fairly impressive job if he’s kept it going this long, but all he’s really accomplished is to oversee the slow dissolution of Frieza’s holdings.  

Funimation made a lot out of the idea of Frieza as an emperor, suggesting he was a head of state and the planets he conquered were part of a vast interstellar nation.   I think in the dub there was a comment about how the Frieza Force used to control like 70% of the known universe, but none of that’s in the Japanese version.   The original premise of Frieza is that he just has a bunch of guys fighting his battles for him, and he buys and sells planets to finance all the wine and spaceships he goes through.   I rather prefer that sort of aimlessness about his organization.    If he were like a Roman Caesar, you could at least balance out his brutality with the semblance of authority he brings to his conquests.    A Pax Friezae, if you will.  But he’s not Diocletian, he’s a trust fund baby who just happens to be nigh invulnerable.   He never cared what happened to anyone else, or how things would run after he was gone.   

Anyway, Sorbet just doesn’t have the manpower to hold their territory, and all he can do is pull his soldiers out when uprisings get too intense.    His only recourse is to wish Frieza back to life with the Dragon Balls, except he can’t find the Namekians’ new homeworld.    There’s Dragon Balls on Earth, except that’s where all the Super Saiyans live, so it’s dangerous.   But today, he’s decided there’s no other way.    To be on the safe side, he leads an away team with just himself and his aid, Tagoma.   That way there’s less chance of them being noticed by the ki-sensitive fighters on the planet.  

Sigh... this is why I hate the fucking Frieza Force right here.  It’s the same old spaceships, same old uniforms, same old plans.  Their shuttlecraft just looks like their regular ship, only smaller.    Frieza’s been dead for fifteen years, and after all this time, their biggest idea is to try to bring back LOWARD FUREEEZA SAWMA.  If that was such a hot idea, then why did he get killed in the first place?

What annoys me is that there’s probably an interesting explanation for Sorbet’s strategy.   You’d think he would be happier with Frieza gone.   He runs this whole outfit, and even if their domain is smaller than it was under Frieza, it belongs to him, so he’s richer and more powerful than he’s ever been.   But maybe he just can’t appreciate that, and he liked it better when he was a middle-manager for a big shot like Frieza.   But that never gets explored in the movie.   Sorbet just acts like he’s wishing back Frieza because he’s supposed to.  

Anyway, it would be risky to try to go through Bulma to get the Dragon Balls, but Emperor Pilaf has a Dragon Radar of his own, so they strongarm him instead.   I wonder where he got that thing.   General Copper from the Red Ribbon Army had one that was never seen again, so maybe they stole it from him?  

Meanwhile, here’s baby Pan.    I thought Pan’s appearance in these later movies conflicted with the final three episodes of DBZ, but maybe not.   The dub said she was three, but the subs said she was four.   And those last three episodes took place in Age 784, while this movie shows her being newly born in Age 779, just five years earlier.    So Pan could still be four years old when she fought Wild Tiger, and her birthday just hadn’t come along yet.   

Anyway, Piccolo’s keeping an eye on her while her parents are shopping.   

Then the sky gets dark, and Gohan and Piccolo know that someone’s wishing on the Dragon Balls, but they don’t know who or why.   Oh, by the way, there’s a big statue of Mr. Satan here, and that’s his only appearance in this movie.  

So Sorbet makes his big wish to have a resurrection... of F.   Which stands for “Frieza.”

Just like the title of this cartoon!

But Shenron explains that it would be kind of dumb to do that.   This was the thing I never understood when this movie was first announced.    During the Frieza Saga, Shenron was used to wish back everyone killed by Frieza and his men, and Kami said that this would only work for those who had died within the past year.     The implication being that Shenron can’t revive people who have been dead for a really long time. 

But Toriyama seems to have taken that into account here.   Shenron explains that he can revive Frieza, even after fifteen years, but he can’t restore all the damage to his body.

This leads to a quick flashback of Trunks killing him way back when.   I’m glad they included this, since it’s worth explaining just how Frieza died in the first place.  Trunks chopped him into pieces, then blasted the pieces.    Apparently, after all this time, Shenron can only undo the blasting and the dying, but not the chopping.  

However, the medical technology used by the Frieza Force has advanced somewhat since the Namek Saga, so Tagoma believes they could finish the job of putting Frieza back together.   Sorbet decides it’s worth a shot, so we’re off to the races.

So Shenron plats along, and a bunch of Frieza chunks fall to the ground.    I like the sound effects they make when they land.   

Creepily, the pieces try to gather together again.   I don’t know if this is Shenron’s power trying and failing to complete the resurrection, of if this is some function of Mecha-Frieza’s cybernetics.     Either way, it doesn’t work.

But the pieces are all still alive, which is siiiick.    Frieza’s eye even opens and looks at them, suggesting that he’s somehow still conscious in this state.    See, this movie still has some cool stuff in it.

Then Shenron asks Sorbet what he wants for his second wish, and Sorbet had no idea that he would get more than one.    He considers wishing back King Cold, but before he can decide...

... Shu wishes for cash, and gets it.    Sorbet’s angry about this, but he has to hurry up and return to the ship before the Z-Fighters find him.    The funny thing is that Shenron leaves after this second wish is granted, but in the Dragon Ball Super version, he grants a third wish, and Mai uses that one too.   This is why I’ve spent the last 16 years confused over whether Buu-era Shenron grants two wishes or three.   Apparently, the deal is that it’s three, unless you use one to wish a lot of people back to life at the same time.    Then it’s two.    So did Toriyama goof, or was the wish to bring back Frieza hard enough that it counts as two wishes?    It doesn’t matter much, since Movies 10, 13, and 14 all played fast and loose with Shenron as well.

So now they have to load all the Frieza chunks into a big garbage can and haul them back to their ship.  

They almost forget a piece, but Pilaf saves it for them.   I wonder what would have happened if they left that eye behind?

So then they heal the pieces in their medical machine.  I don’t know how this was supposed to work, but I assume they needed someone to stitch the pieces together, then they loaded him in the tank for a while, and then they had to take him out again, dress him up in his uniform, and put him back in to cure a while longer.   Also, they have Japanese punk band Maximum the Hormone playing on the stereo the whole time they do this.

“F” is a pretty good song, and I’m glad they put it in this movie, but I’d probably like it more if I liked Frieza more.    The story goes that Akira Toriyama heard this song, probably because the band wrote it as a tribute to his character, and the song inspired him to create the story in this movie.   

Anyway, Frieza breaks out of the tank and splashes green crap everywhere because he’s such a drama queen.   

Sorbet explains everything that’s happened, and Frieza seems mostly bemused by it all.   He’s displeased that he had to wait in hell for so long, but at least he’s out.    Sorbet mentions that they plan to wish back King Cold next, but Frieza tells them not to bother, since he apparently doesn’t like his dad that much.   This should be the tip to these idiots that this scheme will get them all killed.   

Frieza kills a guy just to see how his skills are holding up, and he declares his intent to take revenge on the two Super Saiyans who defeated him.   Remember, he still owes Goku for beating him up on Namek, but Trunks killed him before he could get to that point.    And that’s my main problem with all of this.   We already did a Frieza comeback, and it was Mecha-Frieza invading Earth in the Trunks Saga.    He miraculously survived Namek, his soldiers spent months putting him back together, and then the very first thing he wanted to do was go to Earth and kill Super Saiyans.   Does any of this sound familiar? 

Besides that episode, we had several other stories that repeated the same theme.    Movies 5 and 6 were basically the same idea, but with Frieza’s brother as a stand-in for Frieza himself.    Episode 195 of the anime had Frieza come back as part of a revolut in hell.    Movie 12 had Frieza come back, only to get killed again by Gohan.     Dragon Ball GT had Frieza come back and fight Goku.     I think Toriyama’s attitude is that he didn’t write those stories, so they don’t count, but it doesn’t change the fact that the audience still saw all of those.    By the time this movie came along, “Frieza comes back for revenge” had been done several times.   

Tagoma points out that maybe we shouldn’t rush back to Earth and get wiped out in a hopeless battle.   Again.     He suggests that it might be wiser to focus on rebuilding the Frieza Force, but Frieza kills him for his impudence, along with several other flunkies who just happened to be nearby.

At least Frieza has a reason for wanting to start with revenge.  As far as he’s concerned, the Frieza Force can’t rebuild to its former glory, not if they have to hide from the Super Saiyans the whole time.    Sorbet points out that Goku’s even stronger than he was before, citing his defeat of Majin Buu.   Amazingly, Frieza’s heard of Majin Buu, since his father once told him that he should never mess with Buu or Beerus.  

But this doesn’t worry Frieza much.  He figured Goku would become stronger, and he thinks he can as well.   Frieza was born with this unnaturally incredible power that he has, so he’s never needed to train or improve his strength.   But now, he thinks that if he does train, he can surpass Goku after about four months.   This is basically the Dragon Ball equivalent of “Why doesn’t Bluto eat some spinach and beat the hell out of Popeye?”

Here’s what blows my mind.   In the subs, Frieza estimates that he’ll reach a power level of 1.3 million.   I’m amazed that they’d even cite a power level this late in the franchise, let alone a number that low.   Frieza claimed to be at one million in his second form, so I think everyone agrees that we passed 1,300,000 a long time ago.     Hell, there aren’t any scouters able to measure that high anyway.    

Seriously, is this official canon?  It has to be right?   Toriyama wrote that line himself.   Is he saying eveyone from Second-form Frieza to Golden Frieza ranges from 1 million to 1.3 million?  So like, Perfect Cell would be 1.1 million, I guess, and Majin Buu’s 1.2?    That’s wild.   I kind of like it.  

What I don’t like is that it’s a little convenient that Frieza can catch up to Goku so easily.   It took Gokue fifteen years to reach the level he’s at in this movie, and Frieza manages to tie him in just four months?   If it was that easy, why didn’t he just do pushups for a week before he came to Earth the last time?   He could have wiped out Trunks in an instant.

Moving on, a few months later, Jaco the Intergalactic Patrolman arrives on Earth to warn Bulma that Frieza is coming to Earth with a thousand soldiers.   

I won’t get into Jaco’s whole deal, because I still haven’t read his manga yet, but baiscally he was friends with Bulma’s older sister back in the day, and Tights told him that Bulma knows the Super Saiyan who beat Frieza.     The problem is that Goku and Vegeta aren’t on Earth right now, because they’re training with Whis on Beerus’ world.   Bulma can contact Whis by holding up delicious food and calling out to him, but she doesn’t know if he’s listening.   Also, Jaco waited until an hour before Frieza’s arrival to say anything, so now Bulma has to scramble to alert the others.  

Here’s some bank robbers.    I like this bit, because in the dub, they say “We’re as rich as rich guys!”

There’s just one problem...

Krillin’s a cop.

Then Bulma calls him and tells him the bad news.    I feel like somewhere in the dub, Krillin observed that Majin Buu and Gohan could at least buy them some time, but then it turned out Buu was asleep the whole time, which was why he didn’t show up in this movie.    I must be thinking of the DBS version.     This is why I’m not big on Buu as a good guy, by the way.    They have this insanely powerful good guy on their team, and then they never do anything with him.   He slept through this crisis and the Tournament of Power, and I didn’t see him in the Broly movie either.  

Anyway, Frieza killed Krillin the last time they met, but Krillin’s got big brass balls, so the first thing he does is suit up to fight his punk ass.  18 offers to go in his place, but he wants her to protect their kid while he’s gone.  

Also, he asks her to shave his head, so he’ll look even cooler for this.

To be honest, I liked Krillin’s hairstyle in this movie, but yeah, bald Krillin is the way to go.   

As he flies off into the face of certain doom, his big brass balls clanking as he goes, 18 thinks about how cool he is.   Get you a lady who admires you half as much as 18 admires Krillin.

As Frieza returns to Earth, he goes over some details with Sorbet.    In particular, no one could find the Super Saiyan who actually killed Frieza, and Sorbet speculates that he may have moved to some other planet or died while Frieza was in hell.    Of course we know that Future Trunks returned to his own timeline, but Frieza doesn’t and never will.   This loose end doesn’t seem to bother him much, and I don’t think that makes sense.    Yes, from a dramatic standpoint, he ought to be more concerned about avenging his loss to Goku, but Trunks was the one to kill him, and I feel like Frieza doesn’t spend nearly enough time in this movie thinking about his own mortality.  

Sorbet points out that even if Frieza kills Goku, he could just be wished back to life like Frieza was, right?  But Frieza plans to destroy the Earth along with Goku, thereby eliminating the Dragon Balls and Earth’s hell.  For some reason, Frieza seems to think that Earth has it’s own particular version of hell, and the only reason he ended up in that meadow of fairies is because he happened to die on that planet.    So I guess he thinks that if he blows up the Earth, that hell will cease to exist as well?   How does he know that?   

Is that why he’s not worried about dying again?  Does he think if he dies someplace else, he’ll end up in a more favorable afterlife?   What happens if you die in outer space?    What sort of hell is Tagoma in right now?

At any rate, Frieza thinks he has all the angles worked out, and he checks to make sure Sorbet is prepared for his “emergency plan” in case things don’t work out.   This is as close as we ever get to any sort of character development for Frieza here.    The last time he went to Earth, he didn’t have a plan B, and now he does.   

Meanwhile, Goku is training with Vegeta and Whis, just as Bulma said.    Recall that Whis is even stronger than Beerus, who dominated the boys in the last movie.    So Whis can fight them both at once without any trouble at all.

But their training wakes up Beerus, so they have to explain how they pay Whis for his lessons with tasty food from Earth.   Beerus is annoyed that Whis would eat this stuff without him but he’s awake now, so he can have some of the pizza they brought over.    

Meanwhile, Frieza’s ship lands on Earth, and a bunch of his goons come out.   

Then he blows up North City, which he calls his way of saying hello.  

So it’s up to the Z-Fighters to hold the line until Goku and Vegeta check Whis’s voice mail.   Unfortunately, they’re kind of light on guys.   We have Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin, and Gohan’s here, but he hasn’t kept up with his training.   That’s why he wore a tracksuit to this party, because he couldn’t find his gi after all this time.  Tien told Chiaotzu and Yamcha to stay out of it, since this fight would be too much for them.    Okay, but why?   Frieza will blow up the Earth if he wins, so what difference does it make if they stay out of this?    At least if they show up they can help.   

On the other hand, Krillin brought Master Roshi along,   He can’t even fly!   Somehow, everyone involved in making this show decided that Roshi is cooler than Yamcha, which is stone cold, 100% false.   Master Roshi belongs in jail, and it doesn’t even need to be a fancy jail with a roof because he can’t fly out anyway.

Then Bulma shows up with Jaco to tell the others that she couldn’t raise Goku and Vegeta.   Also, she wants Jaco to help, even though he only planned to pass along the message and GTFO.     Bulma trash-talks Frieza, because she figures they still have the upper hand.   After all, Gohan’s strong enough to kill Frieza, right?   But Gohan explains to her that Frieza’s much stronger than he was 15 years ago, so none of them stand a chance this time around.

She asks Frieza to wait for Goku, so he agrees to hold off for ten more seconds, and then he sics his army on the Z-Fighters.   I bet she wishes she had told Goten and Trunks about this rumble.  

People talk about this part as the highlight of the movie, and it’s definitely one of the better parts.   It’s certainly fresher,since we normally don’t see six or seven guys battling a whole army like this.   Also, I like the approach of limiting the cast to a manageable number.   I think it’s tactically unwise to leave Yamcha, Gotenks, Buu, and Chiaotzu out of this battle, but leaving them out of the movie is worth it, if it gives Tien a chance to shine for a moment.    I’m not saying I like Tien better than the others, but we’re in a situation now where they can’t all share the spotlight, so if we have to pick one, let’s make that decision and run with it, and hope Yamcha gets a turn in a later film.

The problem I have with a fight like this is that they have all these extras floating around in the background of almost every scene, so it’s like Piccolo will do some cool spot with five or six bad guys, while fifty more just sort of stand there and watch.    The only explanation I can come up with is that the Z-Fighters are moving so fast that most of the bad guys simply cannot react fast enough to keep up.

For example, you have this scene, where Gohan zips through a whole bunch of guys and takes them all out while they look like they’re standing still.    Also, it’s pointed out several times that the Frieza Force isn’t nearly as strong or as well-disciplined as they used to be.    Hell, the next movie makes a plot point out of how hard it is for them to recruit good fighters.

Even Jaco makes these guys look like geeks, and he’s a comic relief guy.   

But he’s clever, like when he tricks the bad guys into getting eaten by a giant fish.   How did he know this thing lived on Earth? 

At this point, Sisami enters the battle, and he’s at least strong enough to give Piccolo a hard time.

Also, his shorts are a size too small, but his slutty uniform is his only distinguishing feature, really.

But Gohan steps in and turns Super Saiyan to take him out.   Not sure that was a smart play, since they’re trying to buy time for Goku to arrive.    A drawn out battle with Piccolo might have been just the thing they needed.   But I suspect this scene was intended to introduce the Super Saiyan concept to the audience.

To wit, Sorbet is horrified by how easily his best warrior went down, but Frieza isn’t surprised at all, since he’s the only one on his side who’s seen Super Saiyans in action.    He didn’t know Gohan could turn into one, but it’s the same diff.

This blue guy tries to apologize to Frieza for their defeat, but Frieza blows them all up.   I’m just pointing him out because this guy was voiced by Team Four Star’s Scott Frrerichs, which still blows my mind to this day.  Also, for some reason, I thought he played Sisima--Shisami, Sashimi... the red horny guy. 

Everyone agrees that they stand no chance against Frieza as he is now, and Frieza takes out Gohan first just to emphasize the point.   I guess this is his meta-revenge for Movie 12.

Piccolo has to use a ki technique to restart Gohan’s heart, and a senzu bean helas him after that, but they only have one left, so that won’t last them much longer.

Finally, Whis checks his messages and Goku and Vegeta hear about Frieza.    Whis can take them back to Earth, but it’s a 35-minute trip, so it’s up to Goku’s Instant Transmission.   

All right, let’s get on with this.    Frieza insists that he’s learned from their last fight, and he starts out with his “final” form, except it’s not his final form anymore, because he has a new one, so right off we see that he really hasn’t learned anything.     He wants Goku to turn Super Saiyan, but Goku doesn’t need to, and they fight like this for a while.  Does this really make sense.    Frieza came here for revenge, so why is he bothering to play-fight like this?   

Eventually Vegeta gets so bored with this part of the battle that he jumps in and starts attacking Goku.   Frieza mistakes this for a show of loyalty to him, but in fact Vegeta’s just sick of Goku milking his turn.  

They agree to put all their cards on the table, so Goku reveals his strongest form, which he calls a combination of classic Super Saiyan and the Super Saiyan God form he used in the last movie.    This eventually came to be known as “Super Saiyan Blue”, because duh, but for marketing purposes it’s still officially called “Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan” or “SSGSS” for short.   I have no idea who thought that was a good name for this.   

So Frieza shows Goku his new form, which is just his “final” form with a different color scheme.   He says he “settled” on this color, implying that he could have made it look different if he wanted to.     I like that idea, because it goes along with my contention that the Xenoverse games should let you customize transforms along with your character.   If you want your guy to turn into a Super Saiyan Purple, you should be able to, or if you want your Frieza Race guy to have a Crimson form instead of Golden, you should get to have that too.

On the other hand, this is fucking stupid.     It’s the same fight from 1990, except the characters are different colors.   This is the sort of thing critics make fun of DBZ for, and Toriyama did it unironically.   I mean, I get it, Super Saiyan 3 is just SSJ1 with longer hair and no eyebrows, but it’s the way the character is used in the story that sells the form as being more powerful.    

The problem here is that both guys have new forms at the same time and they’re supposed to be stronger than almost every other character we’ve seen before.  And yet this fight doesn’t look all that different from what they were doing a few minutes ago, before they transformed.   

On top of that, we have these really shitty CGI animations that look like they were taken out of a PS3 game.   I mean that literally, because when I watched this movie, I noticed it right away, because the way the characters move looks exactly like they do in the games I play all the time.  I didn’t mind it so much on the first viewing, but now that I’m looking at screencaps of it, it just looks really awkward and bad.    It’s fine in the games, because it’s interactive, and I can control what’s happening.    But in a movie, it doesn’t work at all, because Goku has this blank expression on his face the whole time.   Also, there’s no physics on the tails of his belt.    He’s rushing Frieza here but they’re just hanging at his hip like he’s standing still.

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?   These shots aren’t even that long, and they don’t look that complicated, so I don’t understand why they didn’t just go ahead and use traditional animation.    I mean, the Frieza soldiers from earlier were rendered this way too, and I get that, because there were literally a thousand of them, and they wanted to have hordes of them milling about in the background.   but this is the main hero and villain in the forefront of the action.    If the entire movie looked like this, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all, really.     It’s a “contract with the audience” thing.   If the whole movie is CGI or 2D animation, we can accept the visuals we’re given,  but once you start switching media unexpectedly, it becomes very jarring.

Then Beerus and Whis finally arrive to collect the dessert Bulma offered them.    Wait, he said it would take 35 minutes to get here.  Have Goku and Frieza been fighting for 35 minutes?

I get the joke here, that you’ve got this interplanetary grudge match playing out nearby, and these two dorks are more interested in eating ice cream, but it sort of undermines what little tension there was to this story.   When Res F was first announced, lots of fans joked that Frieza would find himself completely outmatched by the Z-Fighters.    Goten could kill him by himself.   But Toriyama introduced Golden Frieza to get around that, which means at this point, Frieza has leapfrogged Cell and Majin Buu to become the strongest villain again, to the point where he might rival Beerus if he put his mind to it.   Frieza’s a big deal again, except there doesn’t seem to be much concern over it.    Everyone seems confident that Goku can handle it, and if he can’t then Vegeta can, and if things really got out of hand, Whis could kill everyone in one hit. 

At one point, Frieza finally notices Beerus and asks him if he’s going to interfere in the battle, but Beerus insists that he’s just here for dessert, and he’s totally neutral in this.  

And Frieza seems to think he’s winning, but then Goku informs him that this Golden Frieza form has a weakness.    Frieza was so thrilled to have the new form that he rushed to Earth as soon as he discovered it, but he hasn’t learned to regulate his power at this level, so he’s going to tire out in a few minutes.   Goku should know, because he ran into the same problem with Super Saiyan 3 a few years back, and the same thing happened to Frieza when he fought at 100% of his full power because FRIEZA HASN’T LEARNED A DAMN THING SINCE THE LAST TIME THEY FOUGHT.    This movie is just so dumb.   The fact that Goku has to explain this to him again is absurd. 

Frieza thinks Goku’s bluffing, but this time the CGI battle shifts into Goku’s favor, and Frieza can’t hit the block button fast enough or break Goku’s combos.   

Then they fight underwater, which is just as murky and grey as the sky, only there’s bubbles down here.

Finally, we reach the point where Frieza’s punches don’t even work, and Goku pokes him in the tittly and punches him.

So Goku tells him to get out of here, just like he did on Namek, and Frieza throws a fit, just like he did on Namek.   This fight is the worst.  I mean, it’s not Gohan vs. Dabura levels of bad, but at least Gohan and Dabura did original stuff while they were shitting the bed.

Then Frieza signals Sorbet while he’s crying, and Sorbet shoots Goku with a ray gun to take him out of the fight.  

And this is dumb too, because it’s the same mistake Goku made on Namek, twice.   Only this time, Frieza actually got the drop on him, which is dumb because he’s basically doing the same thing Piccolo did to Goku at the 23rd World Tournamnet.   Whis even warned Goku about this overconfidence earlier in the movie.  I mean, it was forteshadowing, which ought to be okay, except when everything else in this movie is a retread of Frieza’s other appearances, foreshadowing is kind of a bad move. 

But Goku’s not the only dumbass in this movie.    Frieza decides not to kill Goku while he has the chance, and instead invites Vegeta to do it for him.   He even offers to make Vegeta his second-in-command, although his entire Frieza Force is dead except for Sorbet.   Geets declines, which isn’t exactly a shock, since he’s hated Frieza for destroying Planet Vegeta.   You know, the thing that happened forty-odd years ago that Frieza probably should considered before asking Vegeta to rejoin his team?

Instead, Vegeta tells Krillin to give Goku a senzu bean, and when Frieza tries to stop him, Vegeta deflects his attack so that it kills Sorbet instead.  

In return, Vegeta demands to take over the fight, now that we’ve come to his favorite part, the “Frieza-murdering” part.   Frieza mocks him for thinking he stands a chance, but Vegeta turns Super Saiyan Blue himself, and now Frieza realizes he’s totally screwed.    I guess he figured Goku would be this strong, but he never imagined he’d have to fight Vegeta at the same level at the same time.  

This is my favorite part of the movie, where Vegeta informs him that he learned to go Super Saiyan shortly after Frieza’s death.   Then again, why didn’t Frieza know about any of this?    Sorbet had been spying on the Earth for years, and he seemed to know just about everything else about what was going on.   Why didn’t he tell Frieza that Vegeta was living on Earth and that he was about as strong as Goku?   “Hey, look, I know you think you can handle Goku with this Golden form, but just understand that you’ll probably be fighting Vegeta at the same time, and he’ll be about the same level.”

For that matter, why did Frieza invade without checking to make sure Goku was on the planet first?  

So it looks like everything’s coming up Vegeta in this movie, although this part of the fight is anticlimactic, becuase Goku had already softned Frieza up for him. 

But then it turns out that Vegeta swallowed a bottle of idiot pills too, because when Frieza’s Golden Form wears off, he gets desperate and blows up the Earth to escape.  You know, just like he did on Namek.  At least I can sort of excuse Vegeta for this, because he wasn’t there the last time Frieza pulled this trick, except that Vegeta should have seen it coming, because he pulled the same stunt himself when he first came to Earth.

So yeah, the Earth explodes, again, which just makes the Dragon Ball Wiki that much harder to read, because they count both explosions as dates of death for every character.    Goten died in Age 774 and Age 779 and whenever else he would have died naturally.  

But all the main characters who were watching he fight are okay, because they were standing next to Beerus and Whis, who made a force field to protect them.    Vegeta’s dead, though, because he suffocated when the planet blew.   On the other hand, Frieza would have survived, because he doesn’t need air.    On top of that, he took out the Dragon Balls, so there’s no way to undo this with a wish.   

Then Whis reminds Goku that he has the power to rewind time by three minutes.   Yeah, I forgot about this.  Earlier, when Beerus woke up from his nap, Whis mentions how Beerus has a nasty habit of destroying things accidentally, so Whis has the power to rewind time and undo it if Beerus does anything especially stupid.  

So now Goku has a chance to kill Frieza properly, which he should have just done in the first place.   

KILLER QUEEN DAISAN NO BAKUDEN BITES THE DUST

So Frieza’s dead again... until they bring him back for the Tournament of Power, because for some reason fans want him to keep coming back for more of this crap.

Vegeta is understandably upset, because he thinks Goku just jumped in for no reason, but he calms down once he finds out Frieza was about to blow up the planet.

Bulma promises a big feast for Whis and Beerus for helping them, but she adds that it’ll have to wait for them to wish back everyone who died when Frieza destroyed North City.   Well, that’ll take six months, because the Dragon Balls haven’t reset since the last wish, right?

Then Goku proposes that he can Vegeta actually practice working together, in case they need to really join forces next time.   Vegeta’s like “nuts to that” and Goku’s like “same here”, so at least they have that much common ground.  

The end credits are accompanied by “Z no Chikai” or “Oath of Z”, by Momoiro Clover Z.    This song rules, and it’s really much better than Movie 15 deserves.   

In the post credits sequence, Frieza finds himself right back where he started, and the angels and fairies welcome him back to hell.    Looks like Tagoma had the right idea after all, huh?

And I guess that about sums it up.   I feel like this movie wasted an opportunity to do something truly interesting with Frieza.     You have a guy who was invincible, then he got killed and spent 15 years in hell, only to get wished back to life by his desperate troops.    This could have been a chance for him to ponder his own mortality and the futility of power and revenge.   What good does it really do to kill Goku when they both know what awaits them on the other side?   What difference does it make to escape the afterlife when you know you’ll just have to go back eventually?    You could try to have Frieza answer those questions and have him become a much more desperate and complex villain.   Instead, Toriyama just went right back to what he had already written in the Trunks Saga.  

Sadly, this looks like the final entry under the Dragon Ball Z brand.    Now that Dragon Ball Super is a thing, it looks like any new Dragon Ball stories, like the new Broly movie, will be produced under the DBS branding.    I kind of wish DBZ could have closed out on a better note than this.   

On the other hand, that Broly movie was a lot better, and even if it was officially titled “Dragon Ball Super: Broly”, I find that it’s hard for the Z to drop out of the public lexicon.   When I went to see it in January, the theater had it listed as “Dragon Ball Z: Super Broly.”  Old habits die hard, I guess.    Maybe one of these years, we’ll see the end of the Z, but not yet.  

#dragon ball #2019dbliveblog #dbmovieliveblog #movie 15 #resurrection f #frieza #piccolo #gohan #son pan #mr satan #goku #vegeta #beerus #whis #sorbet #tagoma #sisima #emperor pilaf #mai #shu #jaco #krillin #tien #master roshi #android 18 #marron #videl

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Sixty-Six: Five Thousand Dollars ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Pretty in Pictures ] [ AO3 Link ]

Typically, he’s not the sort to flaunt his money. The Uchiha - or, well...some of them - have always been rather affluent, sticking fingers in as many pots as they can manage in their home city. Even Itachi has been making a name for himself the last few years as a budding politician, eyes set on the mayoral title. He’s even been building up assets to look the part, dating some model for the last few years now.

Politics...aren’t really Sasuke’s speed, though. His father is the chief of police, and his mother runs a charity, hosting fancy parties to build funds for this cause or that. Fugaku is one of the most highly-respected people in their city...at least, in most eyes. And Mikoto is beloved for her social work.

Sasuke, at least so far...hasn’t quite decided what he wants to do yet. Fresh out of high school, he’s been taking a year off to “consider his options”.

And by that, he really means...wander aimlessly for a year, having absolutely no idea what he wants to do with his life. Fugaku seems to think he’s destined to join the force. His mother has always said he has a face for the same path as Itachi’s girlfriend (which always earns a scoff...from both himself, and his father). Itachi is the only one who claims he just wants his brother to be happy.

But...happy doing what? Everything he gives a try just feels...flat. Nothing sparks his interest. Sure, he could just get any job for money’s sake, and for something to do. Money, however, isn’t really an issue. At least, not yet. And if he’s going to do something, he doesn’t want it to be a waste of his time.

For now, he mostly just plays the part of a socialite. Gets stalked by small-time journalists (which is mostly his brother’s fault for looking for spotlights), is forced to rub elbows with bigwigs by his mother at all her galas...and just sort of...glides through life completely without any sense of direction. Hoping that, one day, he’ll stumble upon something that gives him that spark. That...drive to follow through something.

Sitting at an outdoor table at a Starbucks, he heaves a sigh, drink half-empty and sitting ignored on his table. A thumb listlessly scrolls through his phone, reading some new piece that popped up about his brother. Some kind of apparent scandal with his sweetheart...yeah right. Do these people really have nothing better to do than stalk Itachi and try to dig up dirt where it doesn’t exist? Everyone knows he’s due to pop the question any day now…

“...called him, but he just...blew me off. You know how he is…”

Hearing a terse, desperate tone, Sasuke can’t help but glance up. A young woman just emerged, wallet in one hand, drink in another, phone pinned to her ear by her shoulder. Her cheeks are red, and she’s clearly been crying.

...what the hell?

Seeming not to notice him, she sits at another table, relieved of her burdens and switching gears. A hand takes the phone, the other letting her brow rest heavily against her palm. “...I know. Everything was in there. My laptop, m-my camera, my purse...thankfully I had my w-wallet on me cuz I was paying for parking, but just…” Her teeth grit, shoulders shaking. “...my life was in that car, Neji! A-and now it’s...it’s all gone! Ever since Father kicked me out, I’ve had to do this on my o-own. He wouldn’t even offer me sympathy when I called. Just...told me to file a report with the police. Didn’t even ask if I wanted to come h-home! It’s like I’m not even his daughter, Neji! I can’t...I…”

Words fade out into quiet sobs, and Sasuke glances around, feeling...extremely intrusive. But surely if he moves to get up, she’ll only be mortified to see someone’s close enough to hear her. He can’t hear the other end of the conversation, but the woman slowly calms, sniffling and nodding. 

“I...I know. But I don’t want to -? I know that, Neji. But you’ve got your own problems. You don’t need to deal with m-me on top of it all. I’ll...I’ll figure something out. I just paid rent a week ago, I’ve got some time, I just…” The butt of her palm rubs at her brow, sighing heavily. “...I know. I love you, too. You’re really the only f-family I’ve got left, I guess. Hanabi hasn’t even texted to see if I’m a-all right. No...no, that’s all right. Thank you, though. I’ll...I’ll call you later. I just...I had to talk to you. I’m sorry. I know. I’ll...I’ll be okay. Give me a day or two to just...get things figured out. I need to go talk to the police, and...see where to go from there. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Neji. Bye.” Ending the call, she stares at her phone listlessly for a moment before setting it atop the table, folding her arms and burying her face in them.

...well that sounded...unpleasant.

Sasuke lingers, not sure what to do. So, sounds like this girl got robbed...and pretty badly, too. Add in a family that doesn’t seem to care, and she’s in a tough spot.

He’s attended dozens of his mother’s parties over the years. She does a lot of good, helps a lot of people. But this...this feels...different. Admittedly, he’s never seen the people her fundraising goes to help. But this? Right now? This is...tangible.

And just like that, he feels a spark. One of action. He can do something. He can make this right. He can really help someone…!

Carefully standing, he hesitates for a moment before just...approaching her table. “Uh...hey. You all right?”

Her head whips up, eyes wide. “W-what?”

“Look, uh...I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but...I was sitting just over there. Sounds like you’ve had a real shitty day.”

Though tense for a moment longer, his observation lets her wilt. “...yeah. That’s o-one way to put it. My car got broken into, and...just about everything got stolen. I work in, um...photography? My camera and my lenses were all stolen, my laptop...everything. All I’ve got is an empty wallet and a cell phone I can barely afford,” she murmurs.

“Well, uh...I happen to have some connections with the police, if...you need help reporting all this.”

That earns a questioning glance. “...you do?”

“Yeah. My...father’s the chief,” Sasuke admits. Usually a status symbol with most crowds, he almost feels...sheepish telling her now.

Her eyes flicker over his face, and then she brightens. “...you’re Sasuke Uchiha, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh...oh my gosh. I’m sorry, I…” She gives a short, nervous laugh. “I didn’t, um…”

“It’s fine. I’m not exactly a celebrity. That’s more my brother’s thing. I’m the aimless little brother.”

“I...t-that’s not what I -?”

He waves her reply aside. “It’s fine. I’m used to it. My point is...I’d like to help, if I can. Look, uh...how much was all that stuff worth, do you think?”

“Oh, gosh...um…” She seems to flounder for an answer. “...a few thousand, at least. I just started my new job, and…” Tears threaten to spill. “...a-and now all my gear is gone, a-and -”

“Hey, whoa, don’t cry. Here, it’s gonna be okay. Look, uh...we’ll go report this. But I won’t lie, I dunno how good the odds are you’ll get your stuff back.”

Her shoulders fall.

“...so, uh…” Reaching into a back pocket, Sasuke pulls out a leather-bound checkbook.

“...wait, w-what -? What are you -?”

“Your stuff got stolen because the police aren’t doing their jobs,” Sasuke cuts in, pen dashing across the paper. “And you might not get it back, because they’re not doing their jobs. That partly falls on me, even if I’m not one of them.”

“But -!”

“So, I’m gonna do this another way. What’s your name?”

Shock wipes her expression clean. “...Hinata. Hinata...Hyūga…”

Filling in the last space, he tears out the check and hands it over. The sum of five thousand dollars meets her eyes, which go wide. “That should cover your missing stuff, and give you a little buffer. But we should still report it. Who knows? Maybe they’ll find it. Maybe you’ll get some, or all of it back. Either way, though...that’s for you. From me.”

Hinata stares at the slip, clearly, still not quite comprehending. “...I...I don’t…” Slowly, her expression crumbles into more tears. “Why...why are you…?”

“Because I haven’t done a damn useful thing with my life so far that’s done anyone a lick of good,” he mutters. “I’ve attended fundraisers, I’ve given some money...but I dunno where it goes, or how it’s used. But this? Right here? I know what this is. I can see it. And maybe I’ll make one person’s life a little better. I need to pick a direction, and...maybe this is a good start.”

Left a bit speechless, Hinata tries to blink away the sting in her eyes. “This...this is the kindest thing someone’s...e-ever done for me. And it’s coming from a total stranger. I...I don’t know what to say…”

“Just say you’ll use it to get back on track. That’s all I want. And here…” He grabs a napkin, scribbling some digits. “This is my cell. If you need anything, or if something goes wrong, you call me.”

“...Sasuke, I -? I don’t even know you, I-I can’t just -!”

“This is what I want to do. Just...let me do some good in my life for once. Please? I get it, we don’t know each other, but...that’s sort of the point. Let me know how it goes, either way. I want to be sure you get back where you’re supposed to be. Okay?”

She stares at him, eyes puffy and cheeks red. “...I will. Thank you...so much. You have no idea what this...what this means to me…”

He just smiles. “You’re gonna be fine. And hey, keep in contact, all right? Maybe I’ll need some photos taken sometime, huh? Can’t let my brother have all the paparazzi to himself.”

In spite of herself, Hinata chokes out a small laugh, wiping at her eyes. “O-okay. Anything you need photographed, it’s o-on the house. Because I...I can never thank you enough.”

“Don’t thank me at all. I’m happy to do it. Now, let’s get down to the station. Maybe seeing my mug around will make them work a little harder, huh? Don’t want me reporting to daddy that they aren’t doing their jobs.”

Hinata looses another laugh. “I hope so. Either way, I just...w-want to move past this. And this will be a huge help.”

“Any time, Hinata. Any time.”

                                                       .oOo.

     I was really stumped with this, I'll admit...then this idea hit, and poof, here we are! I know it's a bit of a cliche for the Uchiha to be rich, but honestly same with the Hyūga, so...here's a little twist: destitute Hinata kicked out by her father, and picked up by a stranger!      But they aren't strangers now, are they? And Hinata has his number ;3      Anywho, it's VERY late, and I've got a VERY busy day ahead of me tomorrow, so I better get to bed. Someday I'll catch up with comments, and stop being a day behind :'D Life just has to slow down first, lol - but for now, thanks for reading!

#sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #pretty in pictures [ au ] #365daysofsasuhina

[shes-soparticular]

Slow Burn (Part IV)

Part One. Part Two.

Part Three.

A/N: Part IV of Slow Burn. If you can tell, Kraków is one of my favorite cities and felt like a great point for this particular chapter. Other Alex related one-shots can be found in my Masterlist. Hope you like! Comments, reblogs, likes are always appreciated!

Word Count: 3890

For fear of moments stolen I don't wanna say goodnight But I'll still see you in the morning Still know your heart and still know both your eyes

Since that night the moon has never seemed the same

 He wakes up to the faint smell of coconut and a tingling sensation in his left arm. For a split second, the daily feeling of disorientation takes over him as he processes that he’s in yet another hotel room, in yet another country, living this incredibly strange existence. But there’s something different about this morning in particular. The smell of coconut is floating from the head of hair his face is practically buried in, the curls tickling his nose as he tries to take in the scent as deeply as possible and commit it to memory. The state of discomfort in his arm is owed to the fact that it’s nestled under her ribcage, his other arm draped over her stomach with fingers splayed over the skin underneath the t-shirt she’s sleeping in. His t-shirt. Even though his left arm is begging for relief, he doesn’t dare move a muscle. He knows as soon as he does, as soon as she wakes, the moment might be ripped away and brushed under the rug. So for now, for as long as he can, he’s going to breathe her in and relish being pressed against her in the early morning glow. Laying in the silence, basking in it, he lets his mind replay the prior evening. The bandage on the back of her shoulder jogs his memory and immediately takes him back to Kraków’s cobblestoned streets, the moonlight reflecting off of the windows of storefronts long since closed for the night.

 They move through the streets slowly, cheeks warm from the Polish Vodka they’d been nursing since the end of that night’s show. A piece of street stall zapiekanka passes back and forth between the two of them, which Alex had spent half the night on the hunt for. When the rest of the group had slowly started breaking off to head back to the hotel in preparation for the early morning drive to Vienna, he had been the one to convince her to stay out just a little longer. Even though he was often mesmerized by her for the simplest of reasons, there was something about Kraków Alex that was more intoxicating than even the vodka. She’d been mentioning since the beginning of tour how much she loved this city, stars in her eyes anytime she spoke about it. But it was different actually watching her wander through Kazimierz and Old Town with her eyes wide, fingers brushing across the brick buildings and taking it all in with nostalgia as if it were a home she’d never known. It was yet another facet of her he hadn’t seen yet, this childlike wonderment, and it only softened his heart for her more. As if it wasn’t already a hopeless puddle anytime she was in front of him. Not wanting to sacrifice a second of watching the flush in her cheeks as the spring night air swept through her hair, he insisted on not letting the night end. Even as the rest of the team, Andrew included, shot him discerning looks on their way out of the final bar, all he could do was shrug his shoulders from behind Alex’s back. It was next to impossible to be rational and lovesick at the same time.

“God, I don’t know what it is about this city,” She sighs to herself, arm tucked through his as they strolled through Old Town. The moon, bigger and brighter than he’d ever seen it, lit their way and reflected off of her eyes as she looked up to him. “I wish we had more time here, I don’t want to leave.” It was clear to him that she was trying to stretch the night out as desperately as he was. There was no other reason she’d still be out in the middle of the night with no destination in mind.

“I know, I can’t believe we’re almost through with Europe.” His forlorn sigh matches hers as they weave past a couple necking on the sidewalk. He and Alex share a momentary smile at the couple’s expense, but there’s an undercurrent of jealousy that they aren’t the ones pushed up against the city walls, lost in one another. Granted, even if they were simply, innocently arm in arm, Shawn still feels as lost in her as if they were tangled in the sheets. “I’m dreading the end of this leg. I’m not ready.” With a rush of nerves, he looked off into the distance, not wanting to make the loaded nature of his statement any more obvious. Because what he was trying to say, what he really meant, was that he wasn’t ready to leave her. Even if it was just for a couple of months, he couldn’t imagine not seeing her every day. Breakfast wouldn’t be the same without listening to her tease Brian. His afternoons wouldn’t be the same without her forcing a smile out of him by asking in a dead serious tone if he ever planned to collaborate with BTS. And the nights? God, the nights definitely wouldn’t be the same. Not without laying across her bed watching her proudly show off her bad dance moves to Lizzo songs. Or listening to her geek out over Game of Thrones theories. He wouldn’t even get tired of the sinking feeling he got every time he caught that last glimpse of her face before her hotel room door shut in front of him. Although, he was certain he’d continue seeing her face nightly anytime he closed his eyes. Nothing was going to match having her in the room, though. The comfort of just knowing she was there and that was enough for all to be right with his world. He just wasn’t ready for anything to change, not in that way at least. What he didn’t realize was that there were plenty of similar thoughts running through her mind at that very moment. She didn’t want to miss out on those sweaty post-show bear hugs, where she’d never felt more at home than wrapped up in his arms. She wasn’t prepared to give up their nightly ramblings about everything and nothing. She was even going to miss bickering with him about the right way to chop vegetables (she truly feared he’d be missing a finger by the time June rolled around). Alex was just as afraid to let this moment in time pass and face the real world again, without one of his smiles to start her day.

“We’ll be running around North America before you know it.” Alex replies with as reassuring a tone as she can muster, rubbing his arm for added comfort. “And you have some exciting stuff coming up in May, I’m already planning my SNL watch party. I’m going to make everyone take a shot if you say, “sing it!”. Two shots if you forget the words. Three shots if you fall.” At the look of offense on his face, she hides in his shoulder, her laugh vibrating against his arm.

“Maybe I am ready to be Alex-free for a little while.” Shawn scoffs, shaking his head but secretly eating up her mocking. “I’m glad to hear you believe in me, feels great.” He still can’t help but laugh along with her. When so many people line up to kiss your ass, it’s always a breath of fresh air to hear from someone who doesn’t mind poking fun. Who can keep you grounded. “What are you going to be up to with your time off?”

She takes a beat to consider the question, obviously not having as impressive of an answer. “I don’t know, I mean, I’ll be back in the office.” It’s easy for him to forget that she has a real job, one with a desk and a cubicle and probably one of those “hang in there” posters with a kitten on it. And far more likely, a bottle of Maker’s Mark in her desk drawer. “I have a lot of contracting to do for a few fall tours, but I should be able to handle all of that from Chicago. I guess I’ll just be hanging out, back to the boring old grind. Gonna be tough to go back to civilian life.”

Continuing their aimless walk, the sound of a busker strumming away on his guitar fills the air. Neither of them recognizes the song, but it’s soft and sweet and only makes his hands itch to pull her in. Not letting himself hesitate any longer, he grabs her hand and gives her a sloppy spin into his chest, grinning at the way he’s managed to catch her off guard. Being that she had more of an impulsive streak than he did, it wasn’t an easy feat. A giggle leaves her lips as she lets herself lean into him, the hand that isn’t in his moving to his shoulder. “I guess I should ask first, if you want to dance.”

He’s fully expecting a snarky response from her, something just sharp enough to keep his ego in check but still kind enough not to bruise it. Surprisingly, all she does is look up at him, the moon lighting her features. “I’d love to.” Her hand brushes further across his upper back, settling on the nape of his neck. It sends shivers down his spine and he can’t decide whether he wants her to notice what she does to him. However, the way she’s melting into him? He’s confident the feeling is mutual. That maybe he isn’t exaggerating this connection between them. Maybe she’s in as deep as he is. They keep swaying together in the empty street, even after the busker starts packing up to leave. He imagines that had neon lights not caught the eyes of this spontaneous girl, that they’d have kept right on dancing until sunrise.

“Hey, I have an idea.” She squeezes his hand, already biting her lip the way she does when a scheme is turning it’s wheels through her brain. “Come with me.” Reluctantly, he drops his hand from her waist, trailing behind her as she takes off with purpose towards one of the few windows that’s still lit up. When he finally takes his eyes off of her long enough to judge the place she’s whisking him towards, he realizes with a chuckle that it’s a tattoo parlor of all places. While it’s true he hasn’t known Alex for long, he knows her well enough to be a little jittery about her plans. When they make their way into the small shop, he stands back and lets her do the talking. He watches as she digs through her purse for her phone, quickly bringing up a picture of a floral sketch she’d already had saved. Listening intently to her rambling, the artist starts drawing out his own version, a small branch of cherry blossoms. He already knew she had several existing tattoos, mostly small and simple. A sailboat on her inner ankle to represent her life growing up on Lake Michigan. A small mountain range on the back of her arm that she’d gotten after spending the summer between high school and college hiking Pacific Crest Trail with friends. The doodle made by her late grandmother dotting her right wrist was her favorite, and the way tears had welled up in the corner of her eyes when she explained it to him made him want to hold her and never let go. In the scavenger hunts to uncover her existing tattoos, she’d never mentioned having another one planned. But clearly, based on the photos saved to her phone, it’s something she’d been thinking deeply about. Being that he’s lost in his own thoughts of her, he almost doesn’t hear her when she turns to him, asking his opinion. “I think under the branch, he should add the words ‘let’s get lost’, what do you think?” The way her eyes flash this vulnerable look she only seems to have when she’s looking at him, he instantly understands the meaning without having to ask. It’s his lyric. A lyric to the first song she ever saw him play live. A lyric that easily represented the way they’d been stumbling together through Europe, falling harder for one another in each new city.

“Really?” There’s this weird sense of pride and humility that fills him, to know that a piece of their time together, a piece of him, was important enough to her that she wanted it to be emblazoned on her body. “I love it, Alex, I really do.” This earns the biggest smile he’s seen from her yet and somehow, he’s never been this tempted to kiss her. Even though that’s the baseline feeling he has every time he wants to kiss her…which is pretty much constant.

Before long, the artist has the design prepared and the stencil complete. For a moment, Shawn is nervous that she’ll want him to wait for her out front. But there’s something about her going off with a stranger that’s going to inflict a certain amount of pain on her that makes him immediately protective. Fortunately, she grabs his hand without hesitation and pulls him along with her to the back of the shop, not letting go as she lays chest down on the cushioned table. Leaning on her elbows for a second, she shimmies down the straps of her dress and bra, leaving her right shoulder bare. She does have to let go of his hand briefly to accomplish this, but quickly grasps it again as soon as she’s finished. When she blows out a shaky breath, he realizes she’s more anxious than he expected. Squeezing her hand as the artist makes the final preparations and applies the stencil, he gives her the same reassuring smile she’d flashed him earlier in the evening.

“So how long have you been thinking about getting this tattoo? You never mentioned it.” He wants to hear the answer almost as much as he wants to keep her mind occupied as the tattoo gun makes it’s first contact with her skin. When she winces, he almost can’t bear it. Seeing her in pain, even at her own request, stings in a way he almost can’t understand. But she’s resolute and manages a smile through the pain.

“Oh, I don’t know, a month or so, I guess?” Alex bites her lip, but it’s out of exposing herself rather than the physical pain. “I’ve been having the time of my life.” This time, she squeezes his hand instead. “I never want to forget it.” He doesn’t even think before reaching up with his free hand to brush her hair back, thumb brushing against her cheek and resting there too long to be considered innocent. They sit in silence for awhile, interrupted only by the sound of the tattoo gun, until the artist announces that he’s finished the line work and ready to start shading the flowers. Clearly picking up on the tender moment between them, a gleam enters the older man’s eyes.

“You know, I never do this,” He chuckles in a thick polish accent, “But would you like to fill in the flowers? I’ll tell you what to do, very easy.” He says this with confidence, as if it’s no big deal to jab a needle into someone’s skin. Especially someone you’re falling head over heels for. To say Shawn is caught off guard is an understatement. No way in hell does he trust himself to do this, to anyone, much less Alex. But the way her face lights up, brighter than when it was awash in moonlight, he knows there’s no way he can get out of it.

“Yes, Shawn, please.” She whines, knowing it’ll be an uphill battle to convince him. The look of determination in her eyes tells him that even if he fights her on this, tooth and nail, he’s going to lose. Now it’s him taking a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair while racking his brain for an excuse that will appease her. Unfortunately, nothing comes to mind.

“Are you absolutely sure? What if I hurt you? What if I fuck it up?” He rattles on, hand still snuggly grasped in hers. “Alex, this will be on your skin for the rest of your life. You need to be sure.”

At his reluctance, she raises to her elbows again for a second, wanting to be even the littlest bit closer to him. “Shawn, I’m sure. You won’t hurt me, you won’t fuck it up. Even if you do, I’d rather have it be your mistake than someone else’s best work.” She lowers her voice at the last part, not wanting to offend the artist that still has a certain amount of her fate in his hands. “If you’re not comfortable doing it, that’s totally okay. I get it. But I’d love it if you did.” Will he ever be able to say no to this woman? Taking one last nervous breath, Shawn accepts the gun from the artist and listens carefully to his instructions, asking him to repeat multiple points before he feels confident enough to move forward. It takes one last soothing look from Alex before he’s finally ready to bring the needle to the skin of her shoulder. Unexpectedly, he feels her relax instantly under his touch. The tension leaves her shoulders, melts from her back. The mere fact that she trusts him to do this, that she wants him to leave this permanent mark on her, something that might outlast them. Something that will be a part of her until her dying day. His imprint on her for a lifetime.

Through some miracle, he’s able to finish filling in the petals as instructed without making any mistakes or causing her an undue amount of pain. For a second, he almost thinks she’s drifted off to sleep before he’s finished, with the way she’s relaxed beneath his hand. But after the tattoo artist takes over to finish some final touches and wrap her tattoo, her eyes flutter open with a look of contentment. He feels her gratitude without her having to say a word, and he hopes she feels his. For letting him in like this, for sharing this moment with him. It’s so strange how something as simple of a tattoo can make him feel so bound to her, which is both euphoric and terrifying all at once.

It’s not long before they’ve finished up and are cast back on to the streets, the back of her shoulder bandaged and their hands interlocked once more. She goes back to leaning into him with her good shoulder and by the time they’re in the elevator up to their rooms, he doesn’t think twice about planting a kiss on the crown of her head. Even if they never go any further, they’ll always have this night. And it alone means the world to him.

They pass his door first and he’s surprised when she comes to a stop. It’s part of their routine that he always walks her back to her room first. “I…” Alex stammers for a second, eyes flicking between him and the door. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. Can I…can I stay with you?” The pleading look she’s giving him isn’t even necessary, he wonders if she knows that, if she has any idea that he’d do anything for her. Without a thought. He’s aware how dangerous that could be, but so far, if it just boils down to tattoos and sleepovers, he’s more than ready to give her anything she wants.

“Of course.” He fumbles with the room key momentarily before getting them both inside. While he would have expected there to be an awkward tension in the air, there’s a comfortable familiarity instead. The way they maneuver around each other as they get ready for bed, it’s what he imagines a seasoned married couple is able to do. Except that he respectfully turns around as she changes into the t-shirt he’s tossed her, her boyshorts peeking out from under the bottom once he faces her. That sight alone is enough to make him blush, which he knows is a tad pathetic considering he’s not fourteen.

“Which side?” She asks as she glides towards the end of the bed, debating where to crawl in.

“Count of three?” He crosses his arms with a playful grin, earning one right back from her.

“Okay, one, two, three,” She counts off on her fingers before they both announce their preference. For once, their disagreement works in their favor as he says left and she says right. One more check in the mental “pro” column he’s been logging. He waits for her to crawl in and get comfortable before flipping off the light and crawling in after her. Not wanting to assume this is more than it is, he settles directly on to his back, leaving plenty of space between them across the king sized bed.

“You know, I can take the couch if you want, it’s actually super comfortable,” He has absolutely no clue if it’s comfortable or not…actually, he’s not even sure he’s picturing the right hotel room and couldn’t say for certain that there’s even a couch in the room at all.

“No, please stay.” Her voice is soft, the playfulness replaced ever so slightly with the same softness that was present during their impromptu dance. “Unless you want to, I mean, I don’t want to force you to cuddle with me. Please don’t feel obligated.” The way she sounds seriously concerned, as though she’s the one that’s overstepped, causes him to chuckle louder than intended.

“Cuddle? You didn’t say anything about that…” He inches closer to her, almost an unnoticeable distance, still reluctant to take a mile if she only means to give an inch.

“Shawn, I let you poke me with needles, I think you owe me a little TLC,” She rolls closer to him until they’re nearly touching.

“Okay, that does not get to be a thing you say to people by the way, you asked me to. Begged.” He can see her pout lip even in the darkness of the room, and just like in the elevator, his body moves faster than his mind as he pulls her into his chest. “But I’m glad you did. I hope you like the final result, it’s going to be there forever.” He’s beyond relieved when she settles into him, nuzzling her face into his neck, arm draping over his hip.

“I love it.” Her words are the last thing either of them hears before they succumb to sleep. Wrapped in one another in a way that they know they shouldn’t be but can no longer resist.

 Which is what makes it that much fucking worse when the first face to greet them in the lobby of their Viennese hotel is that of a guy he’s seen only in Facebook photos and Instagram posts. A guy he frankly hoped he’d never see in person. Of course, he is tired as hell and probably not seeing clearly, so he’s fully prepared to ignore the dude entirely. That is until he hears the quaking of Alex’s voice next to him.

“Ethan? What are you doing here?”

A/N #2: Okay, yes, this was inspired by a tattoo I got last night. Check my blog for a picture of the fresh product, that’s basically what Alex got ;) Art imitates life, right?

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes fic #slow burn fic #slow burn

[pink-peony-princess]

Months in the making/S.M❤

"Please?" My best friend Ashley, begged, chasing me around the dorm room.

"I don't know," I sighed flopping down on the sofa and switching the TV on. It was 3 in the afternoon so there wasn't much on, but the aimless chatter was enough to block out the whining coming from my roommate.

"Please, please, please, I'll clean the toilet for a month, and you can use my Netflix and steal my lecture notes," she added. I looked at her laughing slightly as she got down on her knees and literally begged me. "Who knows," she added when I didn't respond. "It is a cross facility party, so you might even see some cute guys there, cute doctors," she added.

"Shawn won't be there, there's no way, he's a week out from starting his residency," I stated as if this ended it.

"Who said anything about Shawn?" She smirked, getting up. "You're coming!" She called, walking into the kitchen and returning with snacks. "I mean come on! It's not like you two haven't been sussing each other out all semester ever since you worked in that group project for communications, I mean it's clear you like each other, he's even told his buddies, make your move girl, he's perfect for you!" She encouraged.

"He sure is that," I agreed, dazed just thinking about him. He was tall and built, with broad shoulders, and soft brown curly hair, an award-winning smile and charm to boot. On top of all that he was a really nice guy. No one seemed to have a bad word to say about him.

Two hours later we walked into the party, and I was immediately taken aback by how many people were here. "I'm going to get a drink," Ashley yelled over the music. I nodded turning around, coming across the one face I didn't want to see.

"Oh shit, Hayden is here," I hissed, running to catch up to Ashley.

"Just try to ignore him, he's a douche!"

The night was going well and despite myself, I'd even started to relax and enjoy myself, Ashley had even managed to get Shawn and I talking, not that we didn't flirt with each other whenever we saw one another, but we never really got to have a real conversation- about the more meaningful stuff. We talked about everything from the way Ashley and Brian his best friend were flirting shamelessly, why he chose to live on campus even though he could have chosen to take his last few pre-residency classes online having successfully completed his residency year and what he was looking forward to most.

I was on a real high- he was so easy to talk to (and flirt with)- he'd even suggested we go out for breakfast which immediately got my heart racing. The thought of going out with Shawn-alone, was thrilling.

This changed however, when Shawn declared that he was going to get a drink and Ashley announced she was going to the bathroom, leaving me on the patio where we'd been chatting all alone. I heard the door go, expecting it to be one of them back already, but when I turned, I found Hayden, sauntering over to me, a disturbing smirk on his face. A third-year sports major, med school drop out Hayden was a class A arsehole that would try to get with any girl he could-everyone knew that. He'd had more security warnings than anyone else in our year and he'd decided that his latest challenge was me. It had started in communications class which all journalism, med and sports science majors took- along with a few others so it wasn't uncommon to run into people from other courses. Basically, if you had to talk to people as part of your career, you took the class.

But when I'd told him I wasn't interested, like so many others in the class before me had, he took that as a challenge and had made my life a living hell for the past three months.

"So Kenzie, you finally come to your senses?" He slurred, coming to stand mere inches from my face, his breath stunk of stale beer.

"Go shove it," I spat instinctively taking a step back in an effort to put some distance between us.

"Careful Kenz, you don't have your little pozzie with you now." He grabbed my wrist, slamming me into the side of the building, knocking the wind out of me. I could already feel where the rough stone was cutting into my exposed skin of my back, wrist aching.

"Get off me!" I yelled again, moving to push him away. This only seemed to anger him further though.

"Man she said to leave her alone, " another voice spoke, "so leave her alone." The figure was tall and it was only when they stepped into the light that I realised it was Shawn. Relief flooded me.

"What are you doing here Mendes? Come to protect your girl?" He taunted.

"Stopping a dickhead from doing something stupid," He spoke cooly, a new drink in his hand.

"Wait, what's your degree again, oh yeah...medicine, well let's see how good you really are!" He spoke, pulling me into him by my already pained limb and then thrusting me backward again, smashing me into the wall and ripping my dress in the process leaving me exposed and vulnerable. The relief I had felt moments earlier was replaced with terror.

My head was spinning, a dull ache starting at the base of my scalp, my legs gave out and I found myself on the ground, a shivering, shaking mess.

"Someone call security to come get this piece of shit out of here," Shawn called to the group of people that had assembled at the commotion before crouching down beside me.

"Are you okay, Kenz?" He asked, looking me up and down. I was in too much pain to care that he or anyone else was seeing me practically naked.

"Kenzie, Kenzie oh my God!" Ashley yelled, coming to a skidding halt beside me.

"Give me your coat," Shawn spoke urgently gesturing to the woollen material Ashely had wrapped around her. She handed it over quickly, allowing him to wrap it around me carefully.

"Brian, come help me get her up and inside," he called when he realised his friend had returned.

"We're just going to help you stand up okay?" Shawn spoke gently. Taking my hand.

"Owwww, owww, stop!" I begged, feeling another wave of dizziness and nausea wash over me.

"Right come here," He spoke, picking me up in one gentle but fluid movement. I closed my eyes then, but I could feel people pointing and starting as we made our way through the house and out into the night air. The breeze was cool and dry, bringing me to my senses a little more.

"Out of the way people. I'm half a mind just to take her to the hospital, " He muttered to Ashley and Brian who I could hear trailing behind.

"She won't like that, can't you check her out yourself?" Ashley pleaded and I silently thanked the heavens that I had a friend like her.

"I mean, I could, but if I think she needs to go to the hospital once I look her over, we go, " he bargained.

As we walked for what seemed like ages the pain only intensified my side now throbbing horribly. I was almost certain I was going to be sick when we came to a sudden stop, the lock on a door clicking open.

"Brian get the first aid kit and my bag?" Shawn asked, moving rapidly through space and placing me down onto what felt like a bed.

"Kenz, Kenzie, open your eyes for me, honey." He urged, tapping my arm. With great effort to fight the increasing lethargy, I opened my eyes, blinking furiously at the bright lights that stung my eyes overhead.

"Where are we?" I whispered, trying to ignore the pain- I felt like a life-sized ache.

"We're in my dorm room. I wanted to go to the hospital, but Ash said you may not like that so I brought you here. I have the stuff to treat you here, providing you don't need any further testing, " He explained, kneeling beside my bed as I looked around. I made the mistake of trying to get up, and immediately regretted it when my ribs protested angrily.

"Easy, easy, he warned his expression one of sympathy and concern. "Stay there Kenz, I'll move you if need be. Do you remember what happened?" He asked, glancing down at me with a soft smile. I nodded, somewhat reassured by Shawn's warmth and competency.

"Hayden, " My voice was hoarse from the shouting earlier. He nodded.

"Good, that's a good sign."

He stood up, reaching for several items by the door- the first aid kit and a bag- no doubt the one's he had asked Brian to retrieve.

"Where are you hurting?" He asked, looking me up and down, appraising my injuries. Just this small action made the tears I had been holding back, spillover, a mixture of pain, fear, relief and embarrassment. "Hey, hey, you're okay. Shhh, you don't need to cry, " He murmured, taking my hand gently in his, immediately enveloping me with warmth. I had known I liked him for months now, and every time we interacted this was affirmed more by small things he would do or say- getting me my favourite coffee before early morning tutes, offering to walk me to class. Yet somehow this felt so much more intimate and I almost forgot where we were until Ashley cleared her throat.

"Do- do you wanna help her change and we'll come back in a minute. You can have one of my shirts." Shawn spoke shaking his head as if clearing a fog as he got up and threw a soft sweater at the bed.

I nodded mutely, not trusting my voice.

"A little help?" I asked Ashley, when the door closed.

"Girl he is smit-ten, She sang, coming over to help undo the ripped material of my dress."

"Shut up! He's probably just outside the door,"

I hissed, wanting very much to hit her over the head, but not wanting to move again for fear of pain.

The shirt smelled like him- a mix of Sandalwood and some sort of earthy, almost woodsy tone.

"You can come back in, " She called when I was decent again and laying back on the bed.

Thankfully Shawn was extremely professional, acutely aware of the strange situation and my escalated anxiety. Asking permission before so much as taking my pulse.

When he got to my ribs, he stopped, barely touching the bottom of the sweater.

"May I?" I nodded, sucking in a huge breath as the anticipation of pain (and Shawn's touch) over whelmed me. I could help, but hold my breath, as he gently palpated the area, feeling in and around my ribs. "Nothing feels broken, " He commented, after a little bit.

"So no hospital?" I asked praying he agreed. His brow furrowed. I would still feel better if you saw a fully licensed doctor. I'll call my mate okay. Connor, he's really chilled," He spoke, pushing some baby hairs off my face. "In the meantime let's get these cuts and bruises sorted, " He smiled.

Not much was said for the next half an hour, Shawn working quietly and efficiently. The only time I felt any pain was when he and Ashley had to sit me up so he could clean and disinfect my back. My wrists he said, although badly bruised and about eight differ ent shades of purple would heal on their own.

I was just starting to get sleepy, Shawn tapping me every so often to keep me awake when there was a soft knock at the door, before a man around Shawn's age, maybe a few years older walked in.

"Kenzie is it? I'm Connor, he introduced himself with a smile. "Shawn told me what happened, is it okay if I have a look at your head."

I nodded, trusting him, because Shawn trusted him. And honestly I just wanted, no needed, sleep.

Like Shawn his assessment was thourough, but quick. "You can lay back again, " he murmured as he finished checking me over, putting his penlight back in his pocket and pulling his gloves off.

"So?" Shawn asked, looking between me and his friend.

Connor sighed, "Yeah, you're right, she does have a small concussion, you know the drill, rest, lots of fluids, wake her every hour. He got you good, I'm sorry to say, " he grimaced. "Is someone staying with her?" He asked looking between me, Shawn and Ashley.

"I could stay, I mean, if you're okay with that?"Shawn spoke looking to me.

I shrugged, hissing as the action, pulled at my ribs.

"Okay, it's settled then, " Ashley clapped, a sly smile on her face, which I could just see past Shawn's torso blocking most of my view as he sat beside me.

Brian and Ashley stayed for a little longer, chatting quietly between themselves as I lay there half awake, and exhausted, but unable to sleep. When Shawn declared that it was time for them to go, because the 'patient' needed rest (this got a glare), Ash tried to kick up a stink, no doubt hoping to witness more content with which she could hold over my head. Shawn however wasn't having it, and insisted they come back tomorrow.

"Finally, some peace, jeez, my head hurts," I laughed, again regretting it.

"Here, take these." He handed me some tablets and a bottle of water. Sitting beside the bed on a chair, which he had pulled from the desk across the room. "It's been one hell of a night! I'll have to take you out to make up for it, " He spoke casually.

I turned, surprised, not quite sure I believe what I was hearing.

"Like a date?" I sqeeked out, feeling my face flush.

"I mean, I just thought..." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"I'd like that," I smiled.

Get some rest and when you're better we'll organise something, it's been months in the making. Don't think I haven't noticed the way Ashley's been 'accidently' having to talk to the professor in comms class leaving us alone." He smiled.

I blushed, just thinking about it, damn, he was more perceptive than I thought. "Don't tease me, I'm sore, and tired, " I grumbled.

"I'm here if you need me, Honey, " He spoke, my heart swelling the nickname.

"Thank you, Shawn, "I spoke reaching for his hand as I finally fell to sleep.

#Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes #shawn #shawn peter raul mendes

[cosmicmoved]

ABOUT KARAM...

hi, i’m back with another oc & this time it’s a concept that might be a little confusing, i guess, but pls bear with me! <3 this is KARAM, and you might consider him a sort of...spirit? of sorts? not in the sense of being a ghosty-type guy bc he’s definitely not dead but he’s sort of a guardian entity who is concerned with guarding nature, specifically a certain area of land he considers to be his home. his story is that, basically, he failed to guard his home, thanks to humans destroying the whole place and forcing him out of there. now, he’s trying to live among humans? this would be where the fun, wacky adventures would start but Karam also kind of hates humans and thinks they suck /: y’know, partly bc they’re destroying the planet but also bc he thinks he’s better than them by default.

fun phob note........this muse is actually kind of a mash-up of a muse i made in 2014 who was actually a final fantasy summon type deal and a muse i made in like?? june 2019 for an rpg that closed really quick (obvs not the same one as tomo but i just don’t have good luck with this stuff huh)...but also with a whole ton of new shit thrown in. so this muse is essentially a whole new experience & i’m counting him as a new oc from here but the concepts have been in my head for 5 years.

i probably won’t be tackling ships & stuff with this muse unless i really feel The Chemistry bc he’s just......not that kinda muse! anyway, below are some basic pieces of info & a basic backstory. i’ll explain things in more detail later but i kinda wanna get this out of the way now! he’s got some spooky vibes so i definitely wanted to introduce him officially this month! also sorry if the backstory repeats some stuff already in the facts bc i wrote them separately.

Karam is actually relatively young as far as his type go; he’s 266 years old and born in a world that was already being vastly changed my destructive technology.

For the record, Karam doesn’t hate technology. He doesn’t avoid it. He doesn’t own a phone either but he can tell the difference between shit that improves people’s lives in some way and shit that’s sucking the life from the planet.

That said, he knows fuck all about most modern technology. He doesn’t GET human shit.

Tell me if you want me to stay away from this area of things but I feel like Karam can usually tell when somebody isn’t human, no matter how human they might look. By default, he’ll be nicer to muses who aren’t strictly human. This one actually has less to do with nature or the planet, this one’s just because he’s a bit of a snob. However, a lot of magic is based around these concepts of not abusing the natural order so uhh...that’s worth counting!

karam is dramatic. this bullet point could easily be left as is, nothing more said, but yeah, dal is dramatic. perhaps even overdramatic at times. he manages to strike a balance between imposing and showy when he needs to but he’s still a bit of a showoff at heart and he likes to make sure his feelings are known, even if he’s over-exaggerating. he can also be a bit blunt and very brusque. this makes him seem as though he might be a cold person but he mostly doesn’t think before he talks. but not because he’s easily distracted or verbally impulsive, he just doesn’t believe he needs to think first around most people. that sort of foresight is reserved for people more powerful and important than him!!

favourite food is all seafood. especially fish. he grew up eating fish from rivers and considers them to have a nostalgic taste but ocean fish are the real winners. dal doesn’t warm to people all that easily but, much like an npc from [insert harvest moon, stardew valley, animal crossing or your favourite calming game here], hand him a fish a day for a long enough period and he might just grow fond of you (bonus points for actual cooked dishes). but i mean he’s also that npc who’s rude to you the whole time, right up until he decides to have a change of heart, so it’s really up to you if you wanna pursue that,,,

he’s a bit of a solitary guy but not by design. dal grew up alone for the most part so he’s just not really all that used to having people around. he doesn’t go out of his way to isolate himself or anything like that but he doesn’t enjoy having too many people around. too noisy. too overwhelming. dude needs his space.

wears a lot of black, belts and leather. dresses kind of like a final fantasy character. everybody just assumes he's a goth. Karam doesn't know what a goth is.

has never even fast food. doesn’t know what a burger tastes like. chicken nuggets are a foreign concept.

BACKSTORY

Karam was raised in the mountains by a nature spirit as one of half a pair of fraternal twins. He was aided by his mother until he was old enough to fend for himself and promptly left to fight his own battles. He doesn’t remember much of the early days, they were much too long ago, and he barely knew his mother long enough to think of her as anything much more than a mentor long since passed from his life. His brother was abandoned with him but Karam barely remembers him. In fact, all he remembers are the days spent training his reflexes, catching and eating fish from the river.

After living in the mountain forests and standing watch over his land for over two hundred years, Karam lost his home to deforestation. The place he had once called home was to become a block of overpriced apartment flats for humans with more money than sense. Reluctant to truly leave his home behind and move on to another forest, Karam (who had spent years visiting the city proper out of curiosity and had learned a lot about modern humans in that time) settled upon living an aimless life amongst humans. So far, he hates it.

In the face of strangers, Karam is standoffish and even a little stuck-up. He's fussy and likes things to go his own way. It seems that he is disdainful of humans, blaming them for the state of the planet they inhabit. He is capable of befriending humans and has done so before but, for the most part, he is distrustful of them and has a low opinion of mankind as a whole. There is a kinder side to him too but it is carefully reserved for those who know him better, even in spite of him not being especially precious about his private affairs. Karam is very blunt and, like I said before, not because he doesn't care about others' feelings but because he believes he's too important to have to think before he speaks.

#« 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐘 (ᴋᴀʀᴀᴍ) » / 「 headcanon. 」 #i'm throwing this in my queue so my muses page won't be officially #updated with karam's stats and info just yet...they're IN the code already but i haven't added his official link yet ASDFG