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#WHY DO I FUCKING WRITE SO MUCH IM SO SORRY?????
angel5ofp0rn · 3 days
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pt. 7 😋
ExHusband!Price x f!reader
*still bad at writing smut. jus pretend i wrote something good… also im sorry!!!!
DIDNT REREAD AT ALLLL JUST STARTED TYPING SO PLZ BE PATIENT 🥺
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You’re already awake when John's eyes finally begin to blink open, his first sight being the back of your head.
You’re fidgeting with his wedding band again, gently tracing your thumb over the engraving as you hold his left hand that’s slung over you.
"Mornin’..." He mumbles once he finally stops blinking, his eyes slowly coming into focus again as he realizes that you're awake. He sees you toying with his wedding band, which makes him smile as he watches.
“Hey there.” You smile, finally removing your hand from his.
You turn to lie on your back so you can see him better.
The regret of letting him stay after ruining your date had started to set in… but the memory of what the two of you did last night helped blur the lines.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask quietly. John’s eyes are studying your face with a lazy smile on his lips.
“God, y’r so beautiful.” John whispers, eyes locked on yours.
Your cheeks flush pink, though you have no idea why he still has that effect on you.
Your hands move to your face, covering your blushing cheeks with a laugh.
John laughs too, prying your hands away from your face. “Just lemme look at you, lovey. I can’t get enough.”
John manages to remove your hands and pin them above your head with one hand while his other hand cupped your face, turning you towards him. He presses kisses from your temple down to your jaw, then to your neck.
You squirm under him when his lips move back up and get close to yours; you turn your face away from him.
“Is something wrong..?”
“Morning breath.” You mumble. John chuckles, turning you back to your side and pulling you close by your hips.
“We can work aroun’ it.” He murmurs in your ear, his hardness pressing against your ass. You can’t help but to giggle when John starts to dry hump you like a horny teenager. It’s fun for you to see him like this recently; it’s like he’s been trying to make up for lost time.
Though your giggles quickly turn into a gasp when the head of his thick cock pushes your lips apart, slowly pushing in. John’s big arms are wrapped around you in a bear hug as he thrusts into your still sore cunt.
A strong hand grips your thigh, lifting your leg so he can get a better angle. A deeper fuck.
You can’t do much but moan and whimper as John takes what he wants— not that you’re not enjoying it.
“That’s right, lovey, that’s it-” John talks you through your climax, but not slowing down on your behalf. His grunts and your moans fill the room; your eyes roll back when John finally does come… You whine a bit when he begins to pull out, which makes him laugh softly.
“What’s wrong?”
“I miss you when you pull you.” You pout. “Can’t we just nap with it in?”
John snorts.
You look up at him when he finally sits up and stretches.
“Staying for breakfast..?”
John looks relieved when you ask him to stay.
“Making breakfast.” He grins before he leans down and finally steals a kiss despite your morning breath warning. “Lemme get the kids up.”
You watch as John stands up and pulls on a pair of joggers before heading out to the hall. He’s clearly comfortable being back in his old house.
Your eyes widen when you see the evidence of last night; red scratch marks over his back, bite marks on his shoulders.
You quickly pull on John’s boxers from the floor and a hoodie from the hamper, and follow after him with his t-shirt in hand.
John freezes for a moment as he feels your hands pull the shirt over his head. He looks back at you with a questioning look.
"What're you doing?" He says this with a confused look on his face as he raises an eyebrow.
"Marked you up pretty good." You blush, rubbing his back gently after his shirt is on. You give his butt a pat and heard towards your youngest’s bedroom.
“She still a grump in the mornings?” John asks.
“Not when her daddy’s home.” You shrug.
Home.
•••
“You’ve gotta let her go at some point.”
John looks up at you in the doorway from where he’s sat on your youngest’s toddler bed. It was practically a chair for him due to his stature.
“Right…” John looks back down to your youngest who, sleepy after her bath, is fast asleep in his lap. Her damp hair is combed out of her face and her cheek is pressed right up against John’s chest
“I just, eh… I’ve missed a lot of her life, haven’t I?”
“She’s still little.” You reassure him. “There’s still time.”
John stands up slowly and is gentle when laying her back on the little bed. He pulls the covers up to her chin and pressed a kiss to her head.
After John joined you in the doorway, he crosses his arms as he swallows back a small lump in his throat, thinking about the years that had passed and the time he lost with his kids and you.
Only seeing you two days a week just wasn’t enough.
You rub John's arm gently. He's normally not a very affectionate or emotional man, but he has a soft spot when it comes to his family.
John looks at you with watery eyes.
"You big softie." You tease, knowing he's really anything but.
"Alright." John rolls his eyes at you and grins as the two of you make your way back to the bedroom.
John sits at the edge of the bed and you sit on his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist.
You could tell the guilt was eating at John, for missing out on the kids first few years.
“You’re a great dad, John.” You murmur, running your fingers through his hair. “You know that, right?”
John sighs.
“You are.” You smile softly, one arm now around his neck and the other hand on his chest. “I wouldn’t choose anyone else to have babies with.”
John chuckles at that. “Is that so?”
“Mhmm.” You nod. “I’d still have 98 more with you.”
John's eyes shift up to meet yours once you say that.
He raises an eyebrow at first as he takes a moment to process that... but then, he eventually laughs. "You’re crazy…" His smirk widens a bit, and he moves his thumb along your jawline now.
"What if we have another?" You practically whisper.
"You’re not serious…” John shakes his head slowly.
“I think it’d be wrong not to.” You fake a little pout. “Have you seen our babies? They’re gorgeous.”
“You want to keep having babies with me, is that it? More mini-me’s running around?”
“I do.” You nod, you face moving closer to his. You smile when your lips meet, just barely brushing against each other.
John smiles back. "Well, I'm not gonna deny you..." His grin widens a little now as he stands, you in his arms.
He tosses you gently onto the bed.
You grab the front of his shirt and pull him into you.
•••
After a few hours, the two of you had moved from the bed to the floor, the bathroom counter, and now you are in the kitchen having a water break.
The two of you, sweaty, out of breath, and exhausted, look at each other grinning ear to ear as you sip your waters.
You’re stood across from John with a robe on and your legs crossed, as a precaution.
John has just his boxers on as he finishes his water and looks at you, leaning back against the kitchen island.
"Feeling a little uncomfortable, love?" He says this as he notices the little way that you're standing, and then he gives a smirk.
"Forgot how messy it is." You confess with flushed cheeks.
John hums in acknowledgment and pulls you into his arms, kissing you softly; a nice change of pace.
He lets the kiss hold for a bit longer than a usual peck before finally letting go and gently squeezing your rear as he pulls away.
"You need anything from me right now lovey?" He asks with a soft look.
"I want you to move back in."
John pauses for a bit after you make this request. He stays quiet as he blinks, looking surprised as he hears this.
"Really?" He asks, wanting to make sure he heard you correctly.
Part of him thought that he'd have to beg for this.
"If you were serious about wanting us to do this again, then I want to do it for real. You're moving back in to our house, we're sleeping back in our bed, and we're being a family again."
“You mean that?” John asks cautiously.
You nod. “But I’m keeping our no fighting rule. You have to communicate with me, John.”
“Anything, love. I’ll do anything you ask.”
Your smile grows at how eager he is to get back together. “You’re stuck with me now, Johnathan Price.”
John just laughs, wrapping you up in his arms and lifting you into a another kiss.
Your arms are draped around his neck when you’re set back on your feet.
“I’ve missed this.” You admit quietly.
“I’ve missed you.” John counters. His smile suddenly falters a bit when he speaks again. “But we should really talk about it more, figure it all out before we rush into it.” He runs his hand over his beard.
"We can talk it over tomorrow..." You slowly undo your robe, keeping your eyes on him.
John watches you undress slowly, his eyes glued to your every movement. He continues looking at you throughout the whole process.
Once the robe hits the floor, John lets out a soft groan and looks you over.
You hook your fingers into his waistband, pulling his hips closer to you.
John smirks as you pull him closer to you, and he lets himself get pulled in willingly. His hands move to your ass, giving it a squeeze.
"Again? What're you doin' to me, lovey..."
•••
You look up from brushing your teeth and notice John waiting in the doorway of the washroom.
“Missed me that much?” You tease. “I thought you’d be asleep by now…”
John shakes his head, looking just as wrecked as you felt. “Wanna talk to you first.”
You glance at him again, noticing his suddenly stoic expression.
“Sure,” You nod, following him into the bedroom. The two of you sit at the edge of the bed, next to each other. You instantly get a sick feeling in your stomach by seeing how anxious John looks.
He sighs, closing his eyes tightly as he gathers up the courage to just say it.
"There's something I didn't tell you, that night…" John hesitates before continuing, the silence between the two of you becoming deafening.
He remains silent for a moment longer, trying to find the perfect way to word this to you.
You don't speak.
You think back to the fight that lead to you wanting a divorce.
His job had kept him away for months at a time, that's what started it.
You felt like every time he came back, he was more and more distant. Then you found a plane ticket back to London.
You accused him of cheating, and he couldn't prove you wrong.
John's voice gets quiet as he takes another deep breath.
"That night... I didn't cheat on you. I did keep something from you, but not because of that.” He opens his eyes and looks at you for just a second before he goes back to looking down at the floor.
“Then what was it?” Your voice was strained as you tried to coax the truth out of him. "Just tell me what it was so we can try to move past it.”
“I have a… I have a child. A son, back in London.”
You froze.
Your stomach sank.
You couldn’t even speak.
John sits quietly and waits for you to say something, anything.
"How old?" You ask softly, your eyes closed as you try to focus on your "no fighting" rule.
"He's ten..." He hesitates again, unsure of just what else to add.
You let out a shaky breath. Ten. He’s older than your oldest, meaning that he wasn’t a result of John cheating on you...
You finally open your eyes , ready to look at him.
"Why... Why wouldn't you tell me that you had a child from before we met?"
John sighs again, not expecting you to be this levelheaded about things. He was expecting something much different from this.
“I was afraid.” John admits. He pauses to look away briefly before continuing. "I… I just kept trying to find the right time, the right way to say it to you..."
"...were you with his mother when we met?"
The question catches him off guard, you could see it on his face.
"Yes... I was..."
"I'm gonna be sick." You get off of the bed and stand up.
John immediately stands as well, watching you as you stand and start to walk away from him.
"Wait-" He quickly grabs your arm to stop you, unsure if you're going to the bathroom to be sick or just not look at him anymore.
You pull your arm from his grasp
"You were with her and had a child with her and yet you still took me home from the bar that night? You still fucked me the next day?"
“…yes.” He sighs, still avoiding eye contact. His voice drops to almost a whisper.
"And then you... would say you were at work and instead visited them? Were you still fucking her?!” You tried not to raise your voice, more for the sake of the children than for John.
John tries his best to not get angry, but he's fighting back a lot of emotions now, primarily frustration with himself. He stays quiet for a few long moments, unsure of what to say. He rubs his eyes and then speaks again, trying to find the right words.
“…no, I wasn’t fucking her. I haven’t cheated on you, I want that to be clear.”
"I'm having a hard time believing you." You admit bitterly, crossing your arms. “You and I were divorced for two years; you came back for one night and we’ve been fucking ever since.”
“Wasn’t like that with her.” John insists with a curt shake of his head.
"Why didn't you just tell me the night we met? Or the next morning?"
He stays silent again as he thinks about that very question. He takes in a long breath and then finally answers, his voice still a bit quiet.
"I didn't think you would have given me a chance if you knew the truth..." John says softly, starting to feel some resentment towards himself start to build up.
"The truth being that you had a girlfriend and a baby back home, and were fully planning on cheating on her."
John remains silent.
He didn't know how to argue with that.
He knew it was true. He knew he was being selfish at the time, but he just couldn't let you go after that night. He couldn't explain it.
"Or was she your wife? Fuck, I feel like I don't know anything about you!" Your voice cracks as the tears start forming.
John can hear how hurt you are in your voice, and he hates seeing you like this. He wanted to comfort you, but he knew that you wouldn’t let him.
Not when it was his fault that you were like this.
"Six years, John. You've had six years to tell me about this." You keep your arms crossed tightly, trying to stop the angry jitters.
John doesn’t speak.
"How often do you see them?" You ask suddenly, your breath shaky.
"Not often," John answers earnestly. He rubs his face as he tries to continue.
"I only see them once a month, maybe... Every few months, at least. I just go over to spend time with my son..." His words get a little stuck in his throat, feeling the guilt eat away at him like a virus.
"When was the last time you saw him?"
"About a month ago..." John says softly, his voice sounding just a little bit sad as he mentions how long it's been since he's seen his son.
Your eyes widen.
He had to have just come back from seeing them when he came to shovel the driveway.
John notices how your eyes widen at what you just heard. He immediately looks down, feeling even more shame wash over him.
"You... You're-" You rub your eyes, feeling like I'm about to lose it on him.
John keeps quiet, waiting for the worst to come from this.
If you want to yell at him, if you want to throw things, hit him, kick him out again, he wouldn't blame you at all for any of it.
He'd take it all on the chin if it meant that he could get the opportunity to fix things.
Instead, you just cry.
Sobbing, shaking.
John has had a secret family for the last eight years and kept it a secret from you for the entire six years you’ve known each other.
Your children have a sibling they've never met, but their dad spends time with pretty often.
You’re gutted.
John's reaction to your crying is instant. He pulls you into his arms, wanting to comfort you as you cry.
He knows that nothing he could say right now could make your pain go away, it wouldn’t be enough.
But he still tries his best.
"...I'm sorry, lovey… I’m so sorry," He whispers. He tries to think of anything else to say, but that's all he can say, all he has right now.
John rubs your back as he holds you close to him, still trying to wrap his mind around everything.
John feels your grip around him tighten as you continue to cry, and he squeezes you tight too, not wanting to let go. Just letting you cry against his chest, rubbing your back lightly as he continues trying to process all that just happened.
John rests his chin on your head, his voice raspy when he finally speaks again.
“That night we met… I left your flat knowing that I had to leave her for you; it was love at first sight. I needed to be yours, love. I needed you to be mine.”
You finally pull out of his embrace.
You wipe your tears off of your face and try to steady your shaky breathing.
"You should... You should sleep on the couch."
John watches as you pull away from him.
He's speechless.
He was expecting more... For you to kick him out all together, to tell him to go back to his own place...
But instead you're just calmly telling him where he should sleep.
John nods slowly. He doesn’t fight. He walks downstairs without another word.
You don't even want to be in your bed, where John and you have been sleeping together.
Instead you quietly go into your youngest’s bedroom and scoop her up, carrying her into your oldest’s bedroom and crawling in beside him in his twin bed, holding both of your children close.
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ilwonuu · 3 days
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if your taking requests, could you write something angsty for jeonghan? I love your writing it’s cute and I think accurate to the person. Keep up the great work 🫶🏽🫶🏽
yes of course hehehehe,,, thank you so much that is so sweet. im so happy you enjoy my work!!! i hope you enjoy this too<3
𝗀𝗈 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒
⇝ 𝗒𝗈𝗈𝗇 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇
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❀ 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀- 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝗐𝖻 𝖻𝖼 𝗒𝗎𝗆<𝟥 , 𝗇𝗈𝗇𝗂𝖽𝗈𝗅!𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋
❀ 𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌- 𝗉𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 (𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗂 𝗌𝖾𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾 𝖺𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗅) , 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍, 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗌 𝗄𝗂𝗇𝖽𝖺 𝖺 𝖽𝗂𝖼𝗄,,,𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾, 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗀𝗇𝗈𝗋𝖾𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗄𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝖺 𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾,,, 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌 𝖽𝗎𝗆𝖻 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝖻𝖼 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾<𝟥, 𝗉𝖾𝗍 𝗇𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 (𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗅), (𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾), 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖾𝗅𝗌𝖾 !!!!
❀ 𝖺/𝗇- 𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗂𝖿 𝗎 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝖺 𝗉𝗍 𝟤 𝗁𝖾𝗁𝖾,,, 𝗂 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍 𝗑 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇<𝟥 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗈𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽,,,
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jeonghan never goes this long without talking to you. the last time you saw him was 2 days agao. it’s weird for best friends. very weird for you and jeonghan. obviously there’s a reason. the reason being you confessing your feelings to him. jeonghan did not like hearing that.
it scared him away definitely, you thought. you feel awful about it. why couldn’t you just have left it alone? kept it to yourself maybe? then maybe you could still have him as a friend at least. but it wasn’t fair to him. you were falling more in love with him.
you thought he was falling in love with you too. and he was. he couldn’t come to terms with knowing that. of course he could tell. he was happy. he couldn’t do it. the last thing he wants is to ruin all these years of being friends with you. he just wants to kiss you and not have it ruin anything. you both know that that’s not how it would go.
he’s scared of committing to you. he wants to be perfect and that’s too much pressure on its own so he pushes you away. for weeks. you were broken. your job was the only thing getting you through the days. your co workers cheer you up as best as they can but all you want is jeonghan.
why can’t he just talk to you about it and stop hiding? putting you through all of this stress just because he can’t talk to you. you have been working less since jeonghan decided to just forget about you. well you hoped he didn’t actually forget about you.
you were exhausted after a shift as your phone rang. it was jeonghan. you shivered in cold sweat as you answered. tears threatening to fall from your eyes.
“i’m outside- please let me in.” you can’t even respond to him. you hang up on him without a response. you hesitate to open the door for him but you really miss him.
maybe he’s coming with good news? if he was coming with good news it wouldn’t have took him 3 weeks.
you still tried to convince yourself that he could want you in the same way. you open your front door nervously. jeonghan looks tired. he doesn’t look like himself. he’s wearing the sweater you got him. you almost cry at the sight.
“can i come in?” you nod at him as he steps in. it’s awkward and it’s never been that way before. he follows you to the couch. both of you are scared of this conversation. both of you want each other. jeonghan just wished you wanted him the same way as him.
“first of all- i’m a fucking asshole. i know you can be upset with me for as long as possible i deserve it. but i’m sorry for treating you like that. i never want to go that long without talking to you again.” you tear up already with a nod. you had so many built up emotions.
“jeonghan- i’m really upset with you yeah. you fucking ghosted me! i thought you were never gonna talk to me again.” he shakes his head.
“never- angel you really thought that?” he grabs your hand, he feels like complete shit. “well what else was i supposed to this jeonghan?” you were crying at this point. he couldn’t believe he made you cry.
he wishes he wasn’t so stupid about his decisions. “i’m so so sorry i didn’t talk to you. i- was scared of the thought of feelings and i still am. i have to be honest with you.” you feel your heart drop when he says those words.
“i c-can’t commit to a relationship. i just can’t-“ you nod quickly at him. why are you doing this to yourself? you know how much you like him. you know he means friends with benefits. you shouldn’t settle less for what you want. but you would do anything to have jeonghan.
“jeonghan?” you stop him with a soft smile. “can i kiss you?” you are basically setting yourself up for failure. jeonghan is just too pretty. he nods at you slowly as he leans over to kiss you. the kiss is so desperate. you can tell how much jeonghan wants you. his lips are sloppy against yours.
“this isn’t a good idea.” he says in between kisses. you don’t respond to him. all you want to do is keep kissing him.
“you’re gonna regret this angel.” you just wish he would stop rubbing it in.
“i just want you hannie-“ you reach for him.
“are you sure?” you beg him practically.
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yoon jeonghan was a asshole. he didn’t lie when he said he you would regret it. you wish you never slept with jeonghan. your best friend flirting with another girl at a party.
he knew you were right there and he didn’t care. you wish you didn’t care about jeonghan as much as you do. because clearly he doesn’t care about you.
you can’t hell but to cry over the boy. he comes over to you like nothing happened. you knew you couldn’t talk to him about it again. you couldn’t lose jeonghan. the last thing you wanted was for him to stop talking to you again.
you rather have him treat you this way than to not have him at all. you wish he could see how this affects you.
you really hate yoon jeonghan.
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cheri-2047 · 2 days
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May I request some fluff with Alhaitham and an overworked and stressed reader who just won't put the book down due to an upcoming exam 😔💪🏻 + they are struggling with motivation to study but they just NEED to study now or they'll fail or get a low grade
OF COURSE!! Thank you for requesting !! Also I’m assuming you have an exam so wishing you good luck
Alhaitham x Stressed Reader
WARNINGS: none aside from cursing, This is all fluff
CHARACTERS: Alhaitham, (im gonna write this as if alhaitham and reader are still in college btw !! Both of you are dating in this AU and dormmates too)
Okay I’m gonna write headcanons and then a mini oneshot after <3
please tell me if I accidentally mischaracterized him I’m really sorry in advance if I do 😔
Alhaitham would be telling you the entire afternoon that day to drink water, eat a snack and most importantly, take a break
Alhaitham would be stubborn at these times and making SURE that you are drinking water and taking care of yourself and all
Alhaitham practically tries to pull you away from your desk, but he fails. Instead just trying to keep having a conversation as an attempt to get you to get away from your studies, even if just for a minute
Alhaitham tríes to wait for you, but you insist he goes to bed ahead. He still tries to wait, while he lays down alone, clearly worried about you though having the same expression.
Alhaitham gets out of bed every once in awhile to check if you’re done, but everyte he does, he just receives the same response. “5 more minutes…”
Eventually he just stays in bed slightly frustrated and Alhaitham falls asleep waiting, that is, until he hears your frustrated mumbles from your desk.
“Damn it damn it! Why can’t I get it!”
You mumbled softly to yourself. No matter how many hours of hard work you’ve done today, you can’t seem to process any of the information.
“Fuck!”
You buried your head in your arms in frustration, clenching your fist tightly. As suddenly you felt someone trying to unclench it for you.
You flinched once you felt the touch, but once you turned, you saw your boyfriend alhaitham.
“It’s 1:07… you should be having some rest.”
He says, starting to put away your books.
“Nono! Just 5-“
“5 more minutes? Darling it’s been 5 hours. Please rest.”
He starts to pull you out of your chair, but you’re stubborn. You say no once more in a slightly pissed tone due to overworking the entire day.
“Y/n. Im serious.”
“I am too… just please…”
He saw the desperation in your eyes, but instead he pulled you into a hug, as you hurried your face into his shoulder.
“Look, the exam is in a few days correct?”
You nod
“And how much material have you gone through?”
“I don’t know”
“And you’re only starting to study now? Why?”
“I didn’t have motivation all week..I couldn’t bring myself to do it..”
You started getting ready for a scolding, but instead ended up with a kiss on your forehead.
“You ran out of motivation all week and so now that you have it, you don’t want to lose it, correct?”
You nod. As your boyfriend sighs.
“And do you remember anything you’ve been studying?”
To your shame, you shook your head.
“No..”
Alhaitham pulls away from the hug as he cups your cheek.
“Let’s have a deal, you get some rest today and I’ll study and teach you the topics myself tomorrow morning, deal?”
“But-“
“No buts, would you rather you passed out unwillingly or this?”
“…”
“That’s right, thought so.”
He pulled you into the bed, as he layed you down next to him.
“Please don’t do this again..if you need motivation then..I’ll help you, I’ll do whatever just take care of yourself please.”
He kissed your cheek goodnight as both of you slept in each others arms.
Alhaitham teaches you the topics the next day and you understand it. He tells you some study tips and motivation tips like:
Make flash cards and review them before the exam
Re-type it, NO copy pasting
Reading the text aloud to someone else
Quiz yourself and your friends <3
You can also make reviewers for you and your friends to motivate you to keep giving them some
Alhaitham will be happy and proud of u <3 good luck on your exams !! (These tips are my personal study tips that got me through the school year HAHAHAHAH, they work for me at least. Good luck again !!)
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midnight-black2 · 3 days
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not sure if it’ll still be time for Farleigh things but would love anything dom Farleigh with some fluff attached!!!
𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄
pairing : farleigh start x reader
synopsis : you didn't know farleigh had a particular ticklish spot until he burst out into giggles in the middle of making out
disclaimers : none really, sub!farleigh, dom!reader, just some slight making out
note : this is short, but i really enjoyed writing it ! for as much smut as i write, im a sucker for tooth-rotting fluff lol !
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you laid him down onto the bed, pulling yourself on top of him. he looked at you with intent eyes, anticipating your next move. you went in for a kiss, capturing his lips with yours. they were so soft, and they fit with yours perfectly. he was insatiable, everything about him made you want more. when you pulled away, his eyes fluttered open, and he was smiling, a bit gingerly. he felt vulnerable, and if that wasn't enough you were looking at him with such adoration, and it made him feel so loved.
"you're so pretty, farleigh," you mumbled, as you kissed down his jawline and to his neck. he whined softly, and threw his arm over his face. you chuckled, before planting gentle butterfly kisses down his skin. after, you started softly sucking and kissing, leaving a trail of hickeys. he was whimpering softly as you did so, and his arms wrapped around your waist loosely.
"fuck Y/N, you will be the death of me," he said, breathily. you tittered, and gently kissed over each hickey you left. you took your time with him, which had his heart racing in his chest. your cold hand slipped under his sweater, and you ran it along his chest. he let out a soft whimper, as he tried not to squirm beneath your touch. he was awfully sensitive, and he wasn't exactly sure why. perhaps it was the way you handled him with care, or the way his name rolled off your tongue, or maybe it was just you.
as you worked your way back up, peppering kisses all over, you even planted one right below his ear. you could feel his body slightly jolt, before he bursted into a fit of giggles. your brows furrowed, and your mouth formed a confused smile.
"what did i...what did i even do?" you asked, beginning to laugh just because he was. his smile was sweet like honey, bright with joy.
"sorry i'm just-i'm...i'm ticklish!" he explained, as he laughed once again. you scoffed playfully, as you touched the spot you kissed with your thumb. "s-stop!" he laughed some more.
"my god farleigh, somehow you find a way to ruin the moment," you teased. you were lying through your teeth, though. he didn't ruin the moment at all, in fact, he made it better. he caused your heart to throb because he was just so cute.
"what? this is not my fault. you're the one that wants to kiss all me!" he exclaimed, with a defensive grin. "not that i wasn't enjoying it, though." there was a moment of silence, as you simply looked into his big brown eyes.
"goodness you're adorable," you said, before leaning back in once again.
"wha-" he was going to protest, but you cut him off with another kiss to the lips. you cupped his cheek in your hand, and he placed his hand at the back of your head to pull you impossibly closer to him. your lips moved in sync, and he hummed into the kiss. when you pulled away, you looked at him with that same loving look that makes his cheeks glow pink.
"i love you, Y/N," he blurted out. it wasn't even as if he controlled it, it just sort of came out. your eyes were slightly wide, considering you were typically the one to say it first. you smiled.
"i love you too, farleigh."
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𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 © 𝐤𝐲𝐚-𝐢𝐬-𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐥
𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲? 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞
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okay i know i dont make a lot of star wars posts because i'm terrified of the fandom. but i like to analyze my favorite characters to improve my writing and i came across something that i haven't heard anyone mention before and its so obvious that i'm losing my mind
(DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT READ THE ASCENDANCY SERIES (CANNOT AFFORD IT ATM), I AM NOT A PART OF THE FANDOM, I AM JUST A CASUAL ENJOYER WHO LIKES TO YAP. i have a basic idea of the plot but idk the specifics, im just going off of what i've seen in the base canon trilogy)
has anyone else noticed that Thrawn is actually insane. i mean that, for all intents and purposes Thrawn is mentally fucked up even before he joined the empire. it's just so well written because of how he acts and how he's not like Kylo or Anakin because he's not emotionally charged
okay so we meet Thrawn for the first time, yeah. we get some basic need-to-know stuff: cold, calculating, emotionally reserved, wicked smart, probably autistic, extremely patient. you get that he knows exactly what he's doing and how to do it, and over the course of the books you find out what it is.
which is where it starts. his only goal in life, what he literally says is the sole reason for his existence, is to protect the Ascendancy. but they have made it very clear that they do not want that because the shit he does goes against what they stand for, yet he still continues to do it. he even says that he doesn't expect their gratitude or permission. he fully intends to keep doing what he's doing even if they actively reject him. why? because it's his home, the only one that he's ever known. and he's completely unwilling to go and learn another one. because he is fucking insane
i love how Thrawn's mental state is written so much because it's not what you typically expect from insane characters and it's not even like he's trying to hide it under a facade. how he acts isn't a mask, that's just how he truly is, and his unhinged motives are just seamlessly connected to it with nothing to hide behind. its such a great and unique way to write a character and i think i should point that out (sorry to the people who followed for legend of zelda stuff lmao. my house)
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cyber97luts · 22 hours
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 ∞༺♥︎༻✧𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞
˚✧❨✧˚—✞—°warnings: swearing, being delusional, mistakes
˚✧❨✧˚—✞—°wc: 550
.•*¨`*•. ☆ .•*¨`*•..•*¨`*•. ☆ .•*¨`*•..•*¨`*•. ☆
han pulled y/n into a spine crushing hug, "its been so long y/nnie." Han mumbled, his face buried into the crook of her neck.
Once the two released from the hug and y/n could finally fill her lungs with air, she beamed up at the taller male. "I missed you so much hannie, how have you been?" Y/n asked, eager to catch up with her longtime friend.
Just as Han opened his mouth to reply a cough came from beside them, the two snapped their head to see a bored hyunjin staring at the pair. "We have things to do y/n, and so do you han..." the taller male mumbled glancing between the two.
Han turned his attention back to y/n, ignoring their mutual friend. "Why do you hang out with him so much," he pouted, "he's such a buzz kill..." Y/n shook her head at this, a light giggle falling past her lips. "i would hang out with you more but you never text me," y/n stated matter of factly, as she leaned against the wall of the hallway they were standing in.
Han chuckled as he playfully rolled his eyes, "I don't text any-" "Han, what are you doing?!" Han was once again cut off as a voice called out to him from down the hall. Han whipped his head around to see a clearly annoyed Chris walking towards him.
"Channie-hyung," he groaned in disapproval. Bang Chan scoffed, 'channie-hyung' he mocked. "i told you to hurry up and get to the studio. I don't wanna waste my day here practicing, and i know damn well you don't either."
Y/n stood watching her friend get scolded by his...member? Han had mentioned a 'channie-hyung' previously, but that was months ago.
Y/n continued to watch not sure if she should intervene or not, she decided against it as this technically wasn't her business. She tuned back into the conversation listening as the somewhat unknown man said, "Say goodbye to your friend and get to the practice room." Y/n felt a shiver in her spine at his words. The man wasn't yelling but something about his calm, passive aggressive tone was intimidating.
Han waved to y/n as he mumbled a quick "buh-bye" before reluctantly walking towards the elevators. As han walked away the other man suddenly turned to y/n a small smile on his face. "Hi, im sorry about that...um..." He trailed off, not exactly knowing the woman's name. "y/n" Hyunjin suddenly interrupted, wanting to get this interaction over with so he could begin his own work.
"thanks hyun" The man mumbled, as he turned his attention back to the girl infront of him. "but yeah, im sorry about that y/n. Im Bang Chan, just call me chan or chris. im fine with either." Before y/n could respond, Chris continued, "Im sorry for the short introduction but i've really gotta go, Im sorry again." He mumbled with a small smile before turning around and rushing off.
A few minutes later as Y/n and Hyunjin stood in the elevator. Y/n suddenly turned to her friend, "hyunne...what's that guys twitter...?"
Hyunjin looked at her with the nastiest side eye, "be so fucking for real y/n"
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☆ngl i spent all of my brain power on the writing portion n got kinda lazy on the smau part. im sry guys, ive been through a shit ton in the past few days but i rly wanted to upload cus im actually enjoying making this😭. i promise the next one will be better.
ˑ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹▫◃ ۪۪۫۫ ༄ؘ ˑ𝑻𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕...
:;@allyrarara loading. . .
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comradekatara · 20 days
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sokka, katara, and the paradox of “the gifted child”
something i’ve noticed is a tendency to (mis)characterize sokka as someone who is dismissed due to being a nonbender, when that’s only partially true. sokka is certainly dismissed by some for not being a bender (namely, by benders), but i think there’s a key difference between being dismissed and not being valued in one specific way. katara was valued by her tribe for being a waterbender for the very crucial reason that she was the last one left. had she been a dime a dozen in her tribe, which would have been the case were it not for the systemic extermination of her people, she would not be valued as highly for possessing this skill. that said, while sokka clearly does hold some resentment over his lack of bending ability, calling himself “the guy in the group who’s regular,” i think it’s folly to assume that this means that sokka was dismissed and discarded as “average” while katara was put on a pedestal for being special. because while katara obviously was considered special, sokka is also clearly considered special by his family, merely in different ways. and if anything, sokka embodies the archetypal struggle of the so-called "gifted child” far more than katara does.
while sokka clearly believes himself to be disposable and intrinsically worthless, i don’t think that he was actively neglected by his family. even if katara was clearly marked by her bending as embodying the last hope of their tribe, that doesn’t mean that she was seen as more gifted than he was or was designated as her family’s obvious favorite. for example, the way hakoda talks about sokka (saying he trusted him with leading and protecting the tribe when he was thirteen, calling him a genius, and other such insanely high praises to heap on a child) shows that he clearly views his son as particularly exceptional and has never been shy about showing that. sokka is distinctly insecure around his father for assumptions he makes regarding hakoda's faith in his abilities and his insecurities when it comes to his perceived failure in not measuring up as a man, but from the second we meet hakoda, it's evident that these insecurities are entirely internal and completely unfounded, at least in terms of his father's perception of him. hakoda is nothing but incredibly proud of sokka, constantly emphasizing just how capable and brilliant he believes him to be. whether or not sokka is capable of internalizing it is another story, but it's clear that hakoda is not stingy in his praise and affection, not even a little bit.
moreover, while katara is clearly kanna’s favorite on an emotional level, she nonetheless affords sokka far more respect. she admonishes katara and tells her to do her chores, and notably, she also impresses the importance of “listening to her brother,” and backs up sokka’s decision to banish aang from the village. you can claim that sexism plays a factor in how sokka views his own supposed position of authority, but kanna is a woman who traveled the entire globe as a teenager because she wanted to escape patriarchal impositions dictating her life. she’s simply far too smart to treat sokka as any sort of authority within their village if she did not fully entrust him with that responsibility. she treats sokka almost like a peer, as if she is legitimately co-running the village with a fifteen year old boy.
katara is only a couple years younger than sokka at most, but her dynamic with kanna is very different. on one hand, kanna clearly sees more of herself in katara, can identify with her sense of adventure and rebellious spirit, but on the other hand, it means that she views katara as a child to be taken care of, who needs to be reminded to do her chores and bailed out when she gets herself into trouble. sokka doesn't want to be viewed as a child, and so he does everything in his power to position himself as kanna's equal rather than her grandson. he takes his duties and responsibilities very seriously, and is obedient to a fault whenever he is submitting to any authority he actually respects, especially his father and grandmother. to be honest, a lot of what katara considers coddling is probably just sokka never being bossed around by their grandmother because she never actually has to tell him to do his chores. because despite katara's claim that he simply faffs about "playing soldier," sokka's problem is actually that he takes himself too seriously for her liking. and with the exception of kanna saying "be nice to your sister," which is the kind of teasing a parent says to their child, she clearly respects sokka's position in the village. when katara tries to run away with aang, kanna takes sokka's side and forbids her from acting impulsively, but when sokka is the one who packs supplies and plans to save aang, kanna gives them both her blessing.
katara is the only person who takes umbrage with the notion of sokka running the village and telling her what to do all day. and those frustrations have likely accumulated up from a lifetime of being told to “do as her brother says” and “why can’t she be smarter and more responsible and levelheaded blah blah blah.” she clearly thinks that she’s punching up when she yells at or mocks him, which may seem crazy to anyone who understands that sokka’s entire identity and existence revolves around being katara’s protector, but katara doesn’t actually know this. in her mind sokka is merely the perfect child who has always represented this impossible standard of “genius.” and what's more, he's absolutely insufferable about it.
and to be clear, this isn’t to say that katara herself isn’t highly intelligent, capable, competent, and skilled. she’s not only an incredibly talented waterbender, but also clever, quick, witty, creative, resourceful, practical, mature, and thoughtful in other ways. at one point, toph calls her a genius (“a stinky, sweaty genius”). and she is, indeed, an extremely powerful and innovative waterbender, both due to her hard work, but also because she is genuinely brilliant. that said, she’s smart in the realistic way that a kid is smart; she works hard to be good at what she cares about (and she has an existentially devastating reason to care about being a good waterbender, mind you), and she’s also good at thinking on the fly when she needs to. however, unlike sokka, or even toph, her intellect may be impressive, but it isn’t astonishing. sokka’s mind functions completely anomalously. i wouldn't say he's unrealistically intelligent, because i do know some people in real life who are similarly adept at processing all kinds of different information with the ability to deftly apply it near-immediately, but it is certainly abnormal, both for real world standards and within his universe.
i normally bristle at this term and its applications (for multiple reasons), but since it is explicitly stated multiple times across the show, it is important to acknowledge that sokka is referred to as a genius multiple times, including by his father. katara is referred to as being a genius by toph for using her own sweat to waterbend (which, as hama points out an episode later, isn't even that clever because you can literally bend water from the air around you); conversely, sokka is referred to as a genius for helping to invent hot air balloons and for figuring out multiple escape routes from the world's most secure prison in less than a day. we don't know the exact timeframe under which katara trained with pakku and earned the title of master, but she clearly worked incredibly hard to earn that title, not only as a master, but as the greatest waterbender in the entire world. i assume it was any time between a few weeks and a little over a month in which zhao would organize a fleet to arrive at the north pole, which is, of course, extremely impressive in itself and a testament to her passion and determination. however, on the other hand, piandao claims that sokka has basically mastered the sword and is ready to make his own within less than a day. it's important to remember that katara is also brilliant in her own way, and possesses great skills that sokka lacks: not only bending, but also midwifery, and an ability to locate her own emotions and allow herself to be vulnerable with others, two skills which should never be looked down upon for their association with womanhood and femininity, and are also particularly impressive considering just how young katara is. she is brilliant in her own right, and in any other family, katara would easily have been "the smart one." and yet, sokka is simply in a league of his own.
so, yeah, he can stand to get thrown around and yelled at; everyone her entire childhood just kept on impressing how special and perfect and brilliant he is, he can handle it. she has no idea that he is depressed, depersonalizes, loathes himself, and thinks he’ll never be good enough, because he never actually communicates any of that to her. the closest he ever comes is admitting that he’s jealous due to not having bending abilities, and even that shocks katara, even though it’s such a small and obvious admission in the scheme of things. she has no idea what’s going on with him psychologically, how he views himself in relation to others, and specifically in relation to her, so she kind of just assumes he’s entitled because surely he must know how special he is and thus feels owed accolades by the world at every turn. he deserves to be humbled, and she is in fact righteous for humbling him.
when she makes fun of him for being stupid or miserable or paranoid or cynical, she thinks she’s owning him the way a righteous underdog fights against an oppressor. it's similar to how zuko wants to "put azula in her place." in katara and zuko's minds, they are both the valiant underdog siblings who had to fight and struggle against the siblings for whom everything came so easily. and in katara’s mind especially, she is always punching up, and she always has a moral justification in lashing out at anyone she pleases. so she couldn’t fathom that the reason sokka puts up with her antagonism without complaint isn’t because he’s so above her that he can simply ignore her taunts and gibes without a care (if that were the case, he wouldn't bother to taunt and gibe in return), but rather that he feels so detached from his own personhood that he would never think to actually explain his feelings to the person whom he has defined himself through since childhood. and if he did ever, somehow, communicate that to her, she’d have to reevaluate their whole entire lives and dynamic. but he never will communicate that to her, so she’ll never actually have to do that.
moreover, even though katara often does tease sokka and cast doubt upon his competence and abilities in low-stakes situations constantly, whenever they are actually facing a real problem that requires an immediate solution, katara seems to forget that sokka is supposedly an unhelpful, lazy, immature idiot because she immediately turns to him to fix all their issues. and then once that issue is resolved, katara goes back to finding his existence bothersome. sokka, on the other hand, falls into this role of problem solver instinctually, with the one exception that when they actually name him as the idea guy, he jokingly complains that it’s a lot of pressure to be one who is always expected to come up with solutions. and while he is joking during that conversation in “the drill,” he’s being honest to an extent, because his perfectionism and fear of failure is truly dire.
when katara is faced with failure, whether as the consequences for her own actions or otherwise, she simply gets back up and tries again. she can’t be knocked down, she can’t be deterred from achieving her goals. she has a very healthy approach to making mistakes, and while she doesn’t always learn from them in the longterm, she does always try her best to fix them and amend the situation as immediately as possible. katara is someone who is incredibly resilient and is constantly demonstrating the sheer magnitude of her inner strength, especially in particularly difficult moments. she has the ability to fail as many times as it takes without letting that failure affect her own self-esteem or desire to keep striving for what she believes in.
sokka, on the other hand, is very physically resilient (he gets beat up a lot), but his emotional resilience is actually quite pathetic. he has no tools for coping with failure. from even the slightest mistake, like not actually being able to open the doors at the fire temple with his makeshift explosives, to a catastrophic one, like his failed invasion, sokka immediately retreats inward. in “the boiling rock,” sokka demonstrates how his first ever real failure that rests squarely on his own shoulders is so devastating to him that he becomes totally irrational and suicidal in an attempt to “rectify” the situation. he does not know how to cope with failure, because he expects himself to be perfect at all times. and it’s not because sokka is overly proud, but rather that his guilt complex is so profound that he blames himself for every single thing that goes awry at all times, even when it isn’t actually his fault whatsoever. so that guilt and shame is magnified a thousand fold when sokka is actually culpable for those losses.
one of many ways in which it is evident that sokka is the older sibling is that he clearly lives with the mentality that if katara messes up or gets herself in danger due to her own impulsive inclinations, it’s always actually sokka’s fault for not being a better, more attentive brother. when she sets off the booby trap in the banned ship, sokka banishes aang from the village so as to protect katara from herself. when katara experiences the consequences of heedlessly blowing up a factory, sokka gets mad at her for her recklessness, but also immediately finds a way to help her fix this situation, because that’s his job, and in fact, his primary purpose on this earth. this is a dynamic sokka has probably internalized even before he was assigned the role of her sworn protector, because that’s just how being the eldest is.
sokka’s tendency to take responsibility for everyone else’s mistakes and his desire to shoulder everyone else’s pain at all times, coupled with his implicit belief that he, uniquely, cannot afford to mess up ever (if other people make mistakes it’s fine and he can help them fix it, but if he makes mistakes he no longer has a purpose on this planet, goodbye cruel world), definitely indicates that he was held to an incredibly high standard all his life. he expects himself to be able to handle a lot of responsibility with perfect ease because he always has. he isn’t used to making mistakes of any kind. if he puts his mind into learning a new skill, he always masters it within a couple of days, whatever that skill happens to be. unlike katara, sokka is used to things coming easily to him, and what he isn’t used to is failure.
katara and sokka are both exceptional, of course, but in very different ways, and for very different reasons. katara grew up with a lot of external pressure to excel as a waterbender, because she needs to embody her cultural legacy and prove that her mother’s sacrifice was not in vain. it’s an unfathomable burden to place on a child, and the rate at which she improves her waterbending once she is actually given the resources to hone her skills is a testament to her perseverance and untiring dedication. katara becomes the greatest waterbender in the world not because she is a natural prodigy (which is something she bristles at when aang does display prodigious skill), but because she is incredibly determined and no one can outmatch the strength of her heart and unshakable commitment when she is pursuing a goal. as pakku even says, raw talent isn’t everything, and katara’s abilities prove that despite not being “naturally gifted,” hard work and determination is far more important when it comes to excelling in any given domain.
however, if katara’s motivation to be excellent is externally imposed by the tragic circumstances of her life, sokka’s motivations are, at the very least, internally maintained. as aforementioned, i have no doubt that he received a lot of external validation and praise from the adults in his life as a child with a dazzling, brilliant mind. as has been established, sokka is constantly displaying an ability to synthesize new information at a staggering rate, which likely means that before katara had even discovered her ability to waterbend, sokka was probably being fawned over for the impressive rate at which he was picking up new skills as a baby. since pretty much everything (cerebral, at least) comes easily to sokka, i can only imagine that hakoda, who never hesitates to express to his children how proud he is of them, would constantly affirm sokka’s intellect. and by boasting that sokka takes after himself (hakoda also refers to himself as a genius, completely sincerely), he unwittingly plants the first seeds in fostering sokka’s belief that he must be exactly like his father in every way, and that any deviation from hakoda’s image would prove him unworthy. but he will never be the spitting image of hakoda the way that katara is "the spitting image of kanna" because sokka is already the spitting image of kya, if not – perish the thought – his own person entirely.
unlike katara, who spent her whole childhood trying to waterbend by herself with little success (beyond, of course, isolated instances demonstrating her sheer raw power when her bending was being influenced by her incredibly strong and passionate emotions), sokka always felt like he could handle the amount of responsibility he was given, because everything came easily to him. until the day that his life changed forever, and suddenly the stakes were no longer abstract, but tangible and personally devastating. sokka had never learned that it was okay to fail as a child because he never had a reason to, and then suddenly, he could not afford to fail under any circumstances. failure of any kind went from being a (purely hypothetical) blow to the ego, to being something that could directly endanger the lives of his loved ones. and so sokka decides that the only way to not be culpable for his potential failures is to be a martyr.
of course, there are instances in which sokka is proven to be inept, such as on kyoshi island or with piandao, wherein his humility and open-mindedness are put on display and sokka puts aside his own standards of perfection to learn from a master, but i don't think these instances qualify as failures. for one thing, sokka happens to master the forms he is being taught in less than a day, at an unprecedented rate, and thus these initially humiliating blindspots in his knowledge become victories as sokka absorbs new knowledge. sokka is always eager to learn, and willing to acknowledge his lack of expertise in area, humbling himself to learn from others any chance he gets. no, what i mean by "failure" as it relates to sokka's self-perception and ego is not a lack of knowledge, but an inability to protect another. to sokka, his existence is defined by his ability to provide and protect, and thus, a failure is, specifically, when someone gets hurt under his watch. that is what it means to not be able to afford to fail. he is not overly proud (if anything he is overly insecure), but he also understands that the stakes of failure – real failure – are tangible.
so when it comes to failure that carries grave consequences, he would rather be dead than fallible (or, responsible for not adequately protecting his loved ones), one million times over. and so every time someone makes a sacrifice for him, he feels as if he has failed on a fundamental level, because simply being exceptional is not enough, he must also bear the entire world’s suffering alone – as (in his mind) hakoda instructed him to when he left him behind to protect and provide for the village. otherwise he has failed in his promise to be needed, which is his raison d’être. sokka’s complex is very obviously not informed solely by his upbringing as a “gifted kid,” and in fact largely informed by the dehumanizing logic of war as it necessitates sacrifice, but his inability to accept his own fallibility as a product of his self-dehumanization is, at the very least, compounded by his debilitating perfectionism.
thus, katara and sokka's dynamic within their family isn’t “gifted kid and neglected kid,” but rather “two gifted kids who are gifted in different ways, one of those ways being valued more on a cultural level due to its scarcity as a byproduct of genocide.” while katara was put on a pedestal her entire life due to her ability to waterbend, it doesn’t mean that sokka wasn’t put on a pedestal in other ways. if anything, the reason hakoda entrusted a child with the burdens he did was specifically because he put his son on a pedestal. sokka assumes that hakoda didn't think he was capable enough to join his army, but that couldn't be further from the truth. hakoda trusted his thirteen year old son so much that he genuinely thought it best to leave him alone with this duty to defend his village and protect katara at all costs. he didn't leave a single man behind, not even the other teenage boys, because that's how much faith he had in a child to take his responsibilities seriously and perform them competently. and if that decision gave sokka one million different complexes and fucked him up for life, it wasn’t because he wasn’t valued for his abilities, it’s because he was overvalued and given too much responsibility at too young an age.
both he and katara struggled to live up to the expectations placed on them, forced to fulfill the roles of their parents instead of being allowed to exist as children. but crucially, katara sees the injustice in that, and clings to her childhood even as she strives for greatness, and sokka simply doesn't. he's long accepted that injustice, and in fact feels guilty that he cannot better live up to the impossible portrait of an idolized father, an idealized masculinity, an illusory model of the infallible, unshakeable warrior. despite all his achievements and natural giftedness, he nonetheless feels totally inadequate, deeply flawed, and ontologically worthless. perhaps, in a world beyond the pressures of war and its dehumanizing logic, sokka would have internalized the praise he was constantly receiving his whole life for his gifts. but since he was only ever a prodigy in ways that didn’t matter (within that colonized paradigm), he doesn’t actually care about how clever and brilliant and creative and talented and unique and special he is, because that would first require him to see himself as fully human, and he can’t even do that.
#analysis#sokka#katara#katara&sokka#hakoda#kanna#kya#hakoda&sokka#kanna&sokka#kya&sokka#kanna&katara#whew...! 20+ paragraphs about sokka and katara’s childhood. it’s more likely than u think (highly likely at all times)#see but this is why sokka is so clearly a mirror to azula to me#like not just in terms of crippling perfectionism and devastating fear of failure and being a child prodigy who is put on a pedestal#but simultaneously dehumanized etc etc#but also the fact that like. zuko treats her the same way katara treats sokka#he clearly thinks his immediate hostility and aggression towards her is like. him nobly fighting the battle against his tormentor#when that is literally his little sister and she is struggling so much and desperate for support from LITERALLY ANYONE#katara and zuko are like ‘let’s put azula in her place’ and high five#and that’s just so fucking apt because they truly do believe that it’s their duty to put their perfect prodigy siblings ‘in their place’#but those are truly two of the most miserable people on the planet#so to any outside observers it’s just like………. why are you being mean to them they’re literally suicidal and shaking like a leaf#but also everyone already knows that azula is the prodigious gifted sibling bc zuko says it like one million times#so there’s rly no need to argue that#whereas katara loves calling sokka an idiot so i do believe that some clarification is in order#but like. yeah there’s no way sokka was dismissed or neglected as a child#he’s dismissed and neglected by the world at large#but within his tribe he’s like a mini celebrity . he’s their young sheldon (sorry)#anyway im running out of room to write tags but um. perfectionism is a disease get well soon xoxo bye
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b4kuch1n · 1 year
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I actually for real feel like my phone's scanning quality has dropped monumentally while I was away on thing so that's a fun thing to figure out now. anyways
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#answering of ''sure'' whenever they ask ''are you gay'' strikes again#gods. genuinely at least on the export the quality of these dropped like to half. whats up with that#sorry if these are impossible to parse#anyways. scribbled these during ''holiday'' ''vacation'' ''getaway'''#sometimes it really is the simple things. hallucinating vividly about the casual life of a pair of teens to survive being in a car for 6hrs#WITH da family#so glad I picked up scribbling on paper again. I actually got stuff to do digitally today and!! literally it feels so much cleaner#like I feel like I relearned a bunch stuff doing traditional ink again for a sec#but yeah. u guys should know by now how much I think about food as a concept#took 3m off last year to write about it in fact. but now Im just microdosing by drawing langa#I'm also actually so insane about reki being a scaredy cat it's so. something. it means so much to me#this of course means koyomi is a jumpscare champion. among siblings that are close in age there must be#the one who sleeps in the lower bunk. and the one who ties a doll to a string by its neck and lower it down to be next to the others face#'why is that so specific' no further question. thank you#gods okay. I need to lay the fuck down it is now my time. to be in bed#Im onto some real exciting stuff rn! and when this piece is done I'll return to ink for a sec#so uh. ink comm maybe not this week. but the next#happy late labor day! seek and destroy. have a good night
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mamawasatesttube · 3 months
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you guys i have so many thoughts about tdr. i have so much to say. like i don't want to be super mean but dude that comic fucking sucks and i can't lie i think it made me kind of homophobic actually
#my stance up to now has been that i don't really care about tim/ber but now that i have read this. dude...#it sucks that they gave a canon queer tim narrative to someone who uses homophobia as shock value and virtue signaling points#and who actively tears down characters who don't like her special little uwu flawless oc (kate im so fucking sorry)#there's no substance to this relationship i don't see why they even like each other#bc she keeps just stating oh they're perfect they make each other so happy but she doesn't like. show that at all#and i HATE the shock value homophobia like i cannot overstate how much i hate it#oh these random cops are homophobic (that's how you know they're BAD!)#oh bernard's parents are homophobic (that's how you know THEY'RE bad too!)#it's so hamfisted and it reads like such. cheap storytelling#especially bc tim as narrator doesn't even get to have ANY thoughts on his own queerness or seeing this homophobia in the world around him#and then she can't go more than two pages without being like BTW BERNARD IS THE BEST EVER AND TIM CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM#while against this ugly backdrop of shock value homophobia#there's no substance to this relationship. why do they even like each other. it just falls apart if you examine it at all#because she just is fundamentally incapable of writing either of them as people with character flaws#for fucks sake she can't even be consistent with tim's BASIC character tenets. ''i always dreamed of being batman'' false lmao#but then to follow it up with ''i never wanted to be batman i always wanted to be my dad''#and then on TOP OF THAT to make the Only mention of Jack drake and his impact on tim's life ABOUT BERNARD AGAIN.#yeah sorry im a hater now. this was shit tier#rimi talks
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scarycranegame · 22 hours
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saw an anti posting about how (quote)"proshippers who "borrow" posts from antis give james somerton vibes... the "p" in proshipper stands for plagiarism i guess"(/quote)
like. buddy i think theres at least a LITTLE bit of a difference between "stealing someone's writing about important and sensitive subject(s) and profiting off of it in their stead" vs "copying and pasting someone's tumblr post in order to remove the borderline hate speech at the bottom of it in order to make others feel more welcome in their community"
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codecicle · 1 month
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Ash how is the fated watching going rn?? You’re braver than most
godd wampus im fucking THRIVING right now. this campaign sucks so bad it's genuinely unwatchable at times and I think that's the appeal to me <3 they spent like 10 minutes just describing and figuring out how the money system works and literally none of them sound like they've ever played dnd before and i don't think it will ever pass the bechdel test once the entire campaign even with velrissa trying her hardest but it goes crazy anyway
br'aad is my favorite character by a lot right now,, he's my FREAKK i love him and his idiot swagger so much. he's supposed to be charismatic but he sucks so bad at it everyone hates him but sticks around with him anyway. he's a warlock and his patron stops time and gives him insight on things/danger to come and kicked off the main plot in the sickest sequence I've ever seen. also his gayboy ass really did walk so every other gayboy slimecicle character could run !! they were so right !! and the party spent the first and second session hating everything he said and did . Took them sooooo long to be normal about him but they got it eventually when mountain (MY MAANNNNNN) defended him. Also he says everything with ^_^ . Just outloud you can hear it in his voice
for the rest I think the only other character that's talking enough to form an opinion on is taxi. and that opinion is STRONGLY a good one o(-( ! his banter with br'aad is so fun they're the only characters that feel Real and In The World so far and I love it so much. the names bit where br'aad kept getting his name wrong and calling him "saxi" and whenever he corrected him br'aad would just go "I know saxi. Nice to meet you im br'aad!" actually had me in tears at a certain point they're the only ones that have gotten me to laugh fr fr so far
sadly velrissa mountain and sylnan just Don't Fucking Talk so i don't have any real concrete opinions on them yet other than "hmm. Interesting ^_^" velrissa and her necromancy stuff is so neat so far I hope we get to see it in action soon instead of just small mentions here and there. same with the dynamic between sylnan and br'aad I NEEED to see more snockers scenes like their sibling scamming bullshit seems so cool I can't wait for them to emotionally rip my heart out through my throat. I can feel it coming
honestly the main appeal of it all is the characters and the characters alone. them slowly becoming friends and trusting each other will fuck with my brain permanently. I already cheered out loud when they so much as INSINUATED that they could stand br'aad and his charisma and they don't actually hate being around each other like that made me so happy. their meeting makes no sense but that's okay the Shenanigans with the solid snake box and br'aad trying and failing to stealth was so fun and "nice forearms, and a nicer staff!" and the little weirdo gremlin goblin following them around they're all very scared of and creeped out by (except for br'aad. he is strongly sexually attracted to goblins. this is canon and brought up over and over again) all make up for it. the story really doesn't matter to me here at all ^_^ all i care about are the characters being happy and traveling together and that's what makes the campaign enjoyable for me
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quirkle2 · 2 years
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4 with Warriors? :D
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what's he excited about !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[expression challenge]
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freshmeatz · 1 year
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runakorift · 1 year
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I think johnkat is good because I imagine it to be like John and Karkat having to go from leading everyone to some sort of victory, to just chilling, but now it's a battle on who does the fucking dishes or laundry and almost always ends up with Karkat getting what he wanted but in the most convoluted fucking way imaginable.
KARKAT: WOW, FOR A GUY WHO SEEMED SO CONFIDENT HE COULD SAVE US AND WITHOUT A DOUBT MAKE A NEW UNIVERSE, YOU SURE SEEM *AWFULLY FUCKING QUIET* OVER A MENIAL TASK LIKE DOING THE DISHES, EGBERT.
JOHN: you want me.
KARKAT: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS RIGHT NOW.
JOHN: your pitch flirting is awful, to make me feel better you should do the laundry. :B
KARKAT: HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY TIME SUCH POOR HUMOR AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT? IS THIS YOUR PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT'S TRUE NATURE OR ARE YOU GENUINELY THAT FUCKING DENSE ACROSS THE BOARD?
KARKAT: DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THE SHITSLOSH CONVERSATION WE HAVE BEEN FUCKING GOING BACK AND FORTH ON FOR INDESCRIBLE HOURS?
JOHN: no, it's been so long i kinda forgot.
KARKAT: JOHN.
KARKAT: JUST DO US BOTH A FAVOR AND CLEAN THE DISHES.
JOHN: what? no! i dont want to do the dishes.
KARKAT: ARE YOU—
John is grinning at him, and comes over and gives the troll a soft kiss on the cheek, stroking the other one softly. Karkat, shocked and speechless, watches his matesprit walk back over to the sink and turn on the water. He snaps out of the daze for a moment.
KARKAT: THE HOT WATER, YOU IMBECILE!
John 284 - Karkat 12 [amount of times one "won" so to speak] [John's really good at it] [Karkat has his moments] [[Read tags]]
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months
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...
#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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swiftfootedachilles · 7 months
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what do i have to do to get people to read my stuff actually like im not about to get in everyones faces begging for attention but i dont understand how im expected to make FREE fandom content without much feedback on my work
#ignore my ranting but im actually so fucked disillusioned#like why are there so many people who scream about supporting each other and lifting up small creators#and they never do it themselves unless its their friend#sorry i dont sit at the popular table but i never expected that it would impact my reach this much#my newest fic has more hits but less kudos and less comments than my first#it's so obvious people only interacted on my first fic *because* it was my first fic#and thank you so fucking much to the people who have given me kind words#and literally religiously rbing my stuff because you think im worth listening to#this isn't about me crying because im not popular#people with bigger followings are naturally going to get more attention#but the only reason ive started posting my fics is because all these POPULAR BLOGS were like 'we support each other here!!!'#'were a big family were not a big fandom so any time someone posts it brings a smile to our faces!' blah blah blah#like youre out here lying for clout you literally only leave feed or kudos if its your fucking friend 😭 not even if its good#i guess id rather have less people interacting if it means the feedback i get is genuine and not just blowing smoke up my ass#but it still hurts to write a fic that flops and then write another fic thats over 3x longer than my first fic#WITH A PREMISE THAT POPULAR WRITERS HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT BEFORE AND BLEW UP FOR IT AND PEOPLE IDOLIZE THEIR WRITING#so im expecting to get more feedback and constructive criticism because it's a concept that a lot of people seem to love#only to get EVEN LESS FEEDBACK THAN ON MY FIRST FIC#like sorry to everyone who genuinely likes my writing i actually love you so much#but im very rejection sensitive and don't plan on continuing this. it seriously hurts me. it triggers my abandonment and selfhatred shit ba#like im sick to my stomach that another thing im passionate about is sucking the life out of me & i cant even get my foot in the door#donut rebagel this thanks and goodbye
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