#Very British Problems

[thalialunacy]

Absolutely using this as a Johnlock writing reference

#writing resources #Very British Problems

[britishproblems101]

I learnt more about British history from Horrible Histories songs than I ever did from school

#it's a british thing #very british problems #british banter #horrible histories #cbbc

[laertesbean]

Remember when British secondary schools were so shit at teaching French but fixated on teaching us mainly just how to say what was in our pencil case?

And now the only French you know is a song about what pets you have, Frère Jacque and 'Dans ma trousse'...

#dark academia #english literature #literature #light academia #writing inspiration #text post #creative writing #books & libraries #book quotes #poetry #british memes #english people #uk memes #uk #secondary school #high school #very british problems

[basmathgirl]

Very British Problems [x]

#Very British Problems #polite anger #found on Facebook #very true

[rainbowofcrazy]

#meme #very british problems #dank memes #relatable memes

[ancientstone]

Very British Problems meets tua but make it s3

A continuation from this post

#tua #tua s3 #tua s3 spoilers #klaus #ben #number five #lila pitts #diego #very british problems #written in stone

[neoclassicalblobphilosopher]

The closer we get to Christmas, the more I wonder why I can't have a nice normal family like in the tescos adverts.

#Christmas #bah humbug #very british problems #british people #my attempt at being funny #british memes

[she-is-27-i-checked]

The holidays are challenging because my dad's going to ask me what I've been reading recently and the only honest answer is going to be 180k smutty warrior nun fanfics.

#and yes that can be a word count or a fic count interchangeably #warrior nun #fanfic #very british problems

[thalialunacy]

[for the @calaisreno Prompts May-hem (get it?!); cw for more violence than I usually do, ymmv. Also I have a feeling this one shows my American-ness more than most, so uh, sorry? ^^;]

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) 15: nightmare (16) (17)

'This,' John mutters to himself as he eyes the flashing red on the departures board, 'is a bloody nightmare.'

Sherlock frowns beside him. 'We're being shunted to a less direct route. Inconvenient, but hardly the stuff to disturb one's sleep.' 

John closes his eyes momentarily. By and large, he's a good fit for Sherlock's behaviours, even when they're--especially when they're?--somewhat off the beaten path. But sometimes he doesn't have the energy. He just doesn't.

They've been on a literally cold case in Nowhereton, Bumfuckshire, and although the jewellery was found and no one was hurt John could absolutely murder a home-brewed cup of tea. And he would very much like to hold his daughter.

'Don't worry, John, you'll be home to her soon,' Sherlock says to him as they board the overstuffed train. They're not the only ones whose night has been sidetracked, literally, but John's empathy is thin on the ground as he jostles his way to two open seats, fantasising about going for a rugby tackle if someone else gets their first.

Sherlock ends up doing the tackling, though, because he gives not one damn about how train passengers view him. And it's not really a tackle, just a Very Cold Look. And maybe a thrown elbow.

Amused, at least a little, John takes his seat.

They manage to get an hour in before it all goes to hell.

---

The sound of the train car sliding over something besides tracks is the first thing that happens -- and really it's more of a feeling than a sound, somehow.

At first.

'Sherlock,' John says quietly, his stomach twisting. 'What was that?'

'Likely just--'

But Sherlock is interrupted by a great dirty shake, like the train is a snake trying to shed its skin in a big ugly hurry.

'Shit,' John mutters, feeling adrenaline flood his system. 'Hang on to something.'

---

John doesn't wait until the dust clears; he's out of his seat and beating his way through the door at the end of the car the second there's stillness beneath him. Their coach is still on the tracks, but he somehow knows that those ahead of them are not so lucky.

The emergency lights are on, but they're flickering and John has to squint as he makes his way through. His gaze sweeps around and he listens hard, but everyone in the car seems to be suffering from merely shock, bumps and bruises, minor things.

The next car is where shit gets real. The angles are all wrong, and he can see several people tangled in an awful unnatural embrace with metal pieces popped out from seats and side rails.

'Jesus,' he hears himself mutter. 'This is not ideal.'

Sherlock is right behind him, which he'd known but not paid any attention to. 'Triaging a hoard of exhausted people in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere with no avenues of immediate escalation?'

'Yeah, like I said. Not ideal.' 

Sherlock opens his mouth, but John has no time for whatever witticism is about to be gifted upon the world, so he steps away from the detective and further into the chaos.

He raises his voice, but tries to keep it calm. 'Hello, everyone. My name is John, I'm a medical doctor, and I'm here to help.'

---

It's a long fucking night. Four dead, a couple dozen injured. One cannot save them all.

---

Hours later, the sun peeking over the horizon and Molly sacked out on the couch, he's about to pivot onto the staircase to his room when Sherlock puts a hand on his elbow. 'Let's wash up first,' he says, voice low and firm. 'Your daughter doesn't need to see you covered in blood, even if it's someone else's.'

'God damn it,' John mutters, knowing Sherlock is right but hating it; his skin itches with the need to see his little girl. 'Fine, but quick-like.'

He sheds his jacket and button down, which had got the brunt of it, on the way to the toilet, then barely looks at himself in the mirror as he runs a flannel over his face and scrubs at his hands. Sherlock is quiet beside him, handing him soap and cloth when needed, without prompting.

John finishes, then looks up at him. 'Aren't you coming?'

Sherlock's face-- well, It does something very complicated before smoothing out into a small smile. 'All right, let's.'

---

Anticlimactically, Rosie barely stirs when John picks her up. His limbs are finally able to shake out the events of the last twelve hours, and he feels Sherlock's arms around him and beneath her like a bridge truss, supporting them both.

John breathes in deeply, taking in the scent of his daughter and his flatmate. His-- his family, he thinks, trying the word out.

'Stay,' he says quietly, not looking away from Rosie. 'Just-- Stay?'

Sherlock hums for a moment, then answers like it was never in question. 'Of course.'

They don't consider pyjamas, instead curling around each other's dusty skin in pants and vests while murmuring about inconsequential things, domestic things that send warmth spiralling through John to replace the chill that had settled in somewhere during the journey they've just finished.

'I do have one question,' Sherlock says finally, the words warming the skin at John's neck.

'Go on.'

'As you know, many common understandings about the English language, particularly when it comes to colloquialisms, are not part of my… erm, base worldview.'

'Right, I am aware.'

'So I'd like to confirm: When you called the train delay a nightmare, you were exaggerating for humour, and when you called the derailment "not ideal," you were…'

John chuckles tiredly. 'Being English.'

'Being facetious.'

'Yes.' He pauses, fingers in Sherlock's mildly tangled hair. 'Sometimes, it's all that gets you from one moment to the next. One body to the next.'

Sherlock murmurs a noise, and John feels his embrace tighten. 

'Well,' the detective finally says, voice deep and sleepy. 'Besides all that, I really must say that watching you in action was quite... informative.'

'Oh? In what way?'

'Informing me that I find your medical competency viscerally pleasing.'

John huffs a surprised breath. 'Yeah?'

'Mm-hmm. You're very good, and it's very attractive.'

'Noted,' John murmurs, eyes closed. 'Next time.'

'Mm-hmm.' Sherlock's palm is warm on his solar plexus, and John doesn't think twice as he succumbs to a deep, quiet sleep.

[❤️]

[a/n- I have not been in a derailment, but I have been in a train car when it ran over a live human being going 70mph, so forgive me for not being keen to research the former for the sake of accuracy.]

ETA OH GOD I forgot the best part! My inspiration for this piece:

#BBC Sherlock #May Prompts 2024 #mayprompts2024 #It's gonna be MAY 2024 #kind of a downer despite starting as a funny tweet #Very British Problems

[britishproblems101]

are you even british if horrible histories wasn’t an integral part of your childhood

#it's a british thing #very british problems #british banter #horrible histories

[uncommon-etc]

If anyone ever tells you property prices in the UK aren’t a complete joke entirely dependent on location, tell them I recently learned that my partner and I could sell our small two-bedroom flat on the south coast and buy a massive four-bedroom victorian terrace which needs a lot of work and is almost definitely haunted but has more space than two people could ever need, in another town which is also on the south coast but about an hour further away from London than we currently are now.

The worst part is both our families are acting like we’re crazy, but this might be my only chance to own an actual house where I don’t have to listen to one of my neighbours stamping about over my head at four in the morning.

#very british problems #houseblr #housing market

[fixomnia-scribble]

I feel like this explains so much.

#very british problems #starter or pudding #the debate rages on #just below the surface

[brasskingfisher]

So I in the year 2024 managed to overcome my various social difficulties in order to visit a local pub and watch the 6 nations also and ordered food whist there. However, when said food came I was provided with a spoon and a steak knife rather than the expected knife and fork.

Forgive me for not realising I was a time traveller who'd obviously landed in the pre-renaissance era. Please excuse me whilst I freak out the rest of the patronage by using a fork!

#history #history nerdery #rant #sorry for the rant #very british problems #british problems #the uniquely british experience of a wetherspoons #british stuff

[everything-maxriemelt]

#don’t give me anxiety with compliments #please thank you #very british problems

[non-binary-smurf]

#cup of tea #british weather #very british problems #yes I had biscuits for dunking #mancunian #non bianry #transmasc #nonbinary

[zmkccommonplace]

One downside of being British is the feeling that you ought to go outside every time the sun shines, just in case the sun never shines again.

Someone on Twitter

#very british problems