#So now finally seeing it clearly for what it was: any self blame that I once felt is completely gone

[blkkizzat]

ꨄ︎『Toji x TumblrSmutWriter!Reader』ꨄ︎

Toji x TumblrSmutWriter!Reader

18+ Minors - DNI

Summary: You shouldn't have left your phone out in the open bestie because now Toji just discovered his cute lil gf has a big slutty imagination and that means you're really in for it ❤︎ . CW: daddy/dilf kinks, humiliation, backshots, outdoor sex, toys, voyerism, breeding, overstimulation, lots of mentions of various kinks, light spanking, light spit play, meta concepts WK: 4.2k Black fem reader coded but no descriptors.

A/N: Y’all can blame my forgetting to take my adhd meds and my hangover yesterday for this one. I was laying on my bathroom floor regretting life choices, waiting on McDs Doordash and thinking up outlines for kinktober when this popped into my head. I thought it would be a quick drabble like 1k words to help my writers block with the "Bumpy Ride" Geto fic but lord knows I can't write shit under 3k, who am I foolin? I don’t even have a song inspo for how spontaneous and random this shit was lmfao but I still had to do a graphic for this one regardless (editing those notifications were hell). Edit- I lied the song inspo is: Girls Need Love Remix - Summer Walker ft. Drake.

Enjoy!

Imagine you are dating Toji and he finds out you secretly write Tumblr smut fics on the low. 

He comes over to your apartment one night after one of his ‘jobs’ ran late. He has a key, but is wondering where the hell you are as you usually greet him at the door. Going into your bedroom, he finally hears you in adjoining bathroom shower. 

Toji begins to strip down in order to join you but he barely has his shirt off before he notices your phone blowing up. 

Picking your phone up off the bed he sees 206 notifications from an app called “Tumblr”. 

Toji has no fucking clue what the hell a Tumblr is but his jealously starts to soar. He already made your ass go private on Instagram and deleted your Tiktok dances. He got tired of threatening every loser who tried to slide in your DMs or even leave a comment for that matter. 

Imagine his surprise when he unlocks your phone (of course he had made you give him the password) and instead he finds out his new vanilla-as-fuck girlfriend is actually a kinky cockwhore who loves writing character x reader stories about fictional men plugging any n' every one of her holes. Sometimes it was multiple men simultaneously, with their massive cocks bullying your readers until you had them crying. Not to mention them fucking you absolutely stupid in every scenario imaginable, with a huge daddy kink/love of dilfs to top it all off. 

Y/N clearly has type, Toji thought smugly as he saw some art on your page of these animated dilfs that looked similar to him.

But goddamn, some of this shit even he hasn’t considered doing with you yet. Honestly, he’s been holding himself back for your sake as you had been pretty shy at first. His sweet naive little college girl, yet here you were a filthy closeted slut this entire time. 

Tsk, Y/N been holding out on me, eh?

At this point you were probably a bigger freak than he was, he mused with an arched brow as he scrolled through what you called your ‘masterlist’.

It was nothing but a collection of pure unadulterated filth. 

More than anything though while going through your Tumblr, Toji is rather impressed at how popular you are. He reads your intro post where you deem yourself the ‘Self-proclaimed DILF Smut Queen’ and an evil grin appears on his face.

Toji abandons his plans to join you in the shower and he waits for you on your bed while he links-surfs through more of your so-called fics, drabbles and thirsts.

You made your own little pictures to go along with your dirty stories too? Aw, what a sneaky yet talented little whore he had. 

ꨄ

When you finally exit the shower, wrapped only in a big fluffy white towel and your hair pulled back into a ponytail, you are surprised to see Toji sitting shirtless on your bed. 

Toji had promised to be here hours ago. He never even sent a text saying he would be late and you’ve been bored waiting for him all evening so he could give you some of the attention you've been craving. 

Your body is already warm from the shower and your legs rub together as you are already feeling a bit horny just seeing him bare chested.

Walking toward the bed you are eager to go pounce on his lap. That is, until you see it’s your phone he’s scrolling through again without your permission.

You loudly sigh which made his head snap up to look at you.

You’re so ready to tell him off again and remind him your Insta is still private and you only use TikTok to mindlessly scroll, not post dance videos anymore when gives you a dangerous look.

You stop dead in your tracks.

Your eyes grow wide as saucers as you recognize what he’s actually looking at when waves your phone around tauntingly in his hands. 

No.No.No. Not this. Please god, not this!

But your worst fears are confirmed when he starts reading aloud with a huge shit eating grin. 

“You moaned loudly as you threw your head back and bucked against him hungrily. You knew you had to finish quickly unless you wanted his wife to come home to discover the babysitter on top of her husband, making a mess all over his face. His thick tongue lapped into your drenched folds and he spread your puffy pussy lips wider to suck and nip at your swollen clit….” 

Your mouth was agape in shock. You were a deer in headlights.

A million and one thoughts raced through your mind as Toji continued on. He swiped over to the next one, this time a daddy and breeding kink drabble.

“Or how ‘bout… ‘Take it all like the good little slut you are for daddy, Y/N’. ‘N-No daddy, please I can’t cum anymore!’ You babbled as you succumbed to the overstimulation of him ruthlessly breeding your stretched cunt and filling you as you squirted on his dick for the fifth time that night…” 

You could only continue to stand there and gawk at him. This couldn’t actually be happening to you right now.

“Ya really wrote all this nasty shit, Y/N?” Toji teased while still looking at your phone as he found more of your filthy smut to read aloud to you despite the horrified expression on your face.

You of course had written all that ‘nasty shit’ but most of it was before you started dating him, breaking a long dry spell.

You really weren’t one to run the streets and sleep around but you had some kinky ass fantasies and you not getting any action had you needing to express them somehow.

It’s not like you didn’t eventually plan to open up and share a few of your kinks with Toji down the line. But this was a relatively new relationship and Toji was still a bit intimidating to you. Even though Toji treated you with way more care and concern than he did anyone else you’ve seen him interact with, you still had an insecure fear that he would reject you for a few of your kinks. 

Your last boyfriend had called you a weirdo for wanting to call him daddy in bed, so you resolved then to no longer share that part of you.

Hell, not even your IRL friends knew what you got up to. Only the Tumblr followers and moots, who you all shared peaceful anonymity with, were familiar with you and your writing.

Fuck. You had finally found the perfect DILF daddy too, you didn't want to scare him away. 

You cursed yourself for even opening Tumblr earlier. You did so out of restlessness waiting on his ass to come over. You just were going to read a few fics before you realized you had a story in your drafts you never posted that just needed to be proofread.

Wanting to kill time you decided to edit and post it on a whim, not knowing the mess it would be getting you into now. 

“Earth to, Y/N.” Toji snapped his fingers, interrupting your thoughts.

"Where did my perverted baby’s little mind go off to now, huh? So obsessed with being ruined by imaginary cocks you can’t even respond to your own daddy.”

You could have combusted on the spot as you were sure there was more steam coming off you from embarrassment than from the hot shower you had just taken. 

But wait– wtf, your frazzled mind just connected the fact Toji had referred to himself as your daddy. 

Those words sinking in made your entire body tingle. Your pulse quickened as you chewed your bottom lip and fidgeted with the edge of your towel.

Was he also into this?

The fact was Toji was very into this and you were about to find out just how much he was.

Enjoying your reactions fully, Toji stood up and made his way toward you with a crazed look on his face.

“You’ve written 96 pieces of filth Y/N…”

He inched closer and you instinctively moved back. Every fiber of your body sensing the danger in front of you. You wondered if this is how the targets of his ‘jobs’ felt when he approached them. Toji never lied to you about what he did for work but you never felt like you were his prey, until now.

“You’ve been a very naughty girl, have you nothing to say for y’erself, princess?” 

“I-I-I-”, you stumble over your own words. This was all way too much, way too fast, for you to process in order to say anything coherent back to him.

“I-I-I-” Toji mocked your pathetic tone, an evil grin back on his face. 

“Lost your words, Y/N?”

Your body instinctively keeps moving back to keep distance between the two of you as he continues to advance on you.

“But you have so many words to say here, isn’t that right slut?”

Toji toyed with your phone in his hand, spinning it around.

“Slut. That’s what you liked to be called in these stories, eh? The dirty slutty whore with a sloppy cunt just ready to slime all over her daddy’s cock, yeah?”

You gulped as your back hit the glass of your bedroom balcony door with a ‘thud’. You had no more room to run while Toji closes in on you.

He pressed both of his massive hands against the glass as they framed your head, his body hovering over you. You couldn’t help but notice how much bigger than you he was as his frame enveloped you and blocked out the rest of the room. You were trapped.

Too nervous to look him in the eyes, you settled for his chest and Toji’s muscles flexed tantalizingly under your gaze. You lost yourself for a moment as the familiar scent of his heady masculine musk invaded your senses.

Your eyes roamed lower and lower before resting on the bulge beneath his sweats and you softly pant. 

“You’re staring at my dick like you want me to stuff that pretty little throat cunny of yours full. You aren’t making good use of your mouth right now anyway Y/N, might as well see how much of me it can fit.”

You looked away from him completely but that only ignites Toji's flames more.

“Look me in the eyes little girl...” Toji’s hand roughly grabbed your jaw and squished your cheeks together as he brought his face closer to yours.

“This shy act won’t cut it anymore, slut.”

His intensity was overwhelming you. Various emotions threaten to bubble to the surface as you squirm in his grasp and your eyes become glossy with tears.

“You didn’t think you finally had a man who would be into this wild ass shit, now did you?”

You wanted to question him further but you felt your gravity shift as the balcony door whipped open behind you. Toji ripped off the towel covering you as you practically tumbled backwards onto the small landing buttass naked.

The crisp fall night air hits your dampened skin giving you goosebumps. You shiver and immediately drop down in a crouch to cover yourself. 

“T-Toji!! Are you insane?!” You gasped at him in a hushed tone, your silence finally broken. 

Promptly, you scan the seemingly deserted neighborhood streets through the railing for any sign of movement or signal that someone else was outside.

To your relief there was no one in sight.

Thankfully this was a relatively quiet neighborhood and no one was ever really out at this time of night. Nevertheless the shock of it all was sending your nerves into overdrive.

“Toji my ass bitch. It’s daddy to you moving forward–,” he roared jerking you up off the ground, “–and we are going to do every single fucking thing your slutty mind has ever fucking written starting NOW.” 

Your eyes darted as around him if you wanted to run back inside but there was no getting past his brutish build as he quickly slammed the door shut, shaking the frame.

Frankly, you didn’t know whether to be thrilled or terrified as you had written some depraved ass shit over the past year in the midst of your cockdrought. Some of it you had never even seriously thought of actually doing IRL. 

“Let’s start right ‘ere, eh? Did you think I wouldn’t notice the description of the place in your little balcony story matched your own?” 

Your eyes almost popped out of your skull as you recalled what you wrote in that particular smut fic.

ꨄ 

“A-AH! N-NOOO TOJI, W-WAIIIIIIIT!” You whined through gritted teeth. 

You tried (and failed) not to release any noises from the unrelenting backshots Toji was currently giving you as he folded you over the balcony railing. The tips of your toes barely rested on the cold floor as your ass bounced back into him and had your clit throbbing when his heavy balls smacked against the sensitive nub.

You had previously only fantasized about Toji being this rough with you, but now that it was actually happening for real you couldn’t think straight. Your lungs burned from sucking in the frosty night air and your cunt pulsed from his thick girth stretching you open. 

Shockwaves ran along your body with every cruel thrust of his hips. The force of it reduced your legs to jelly and you were sure you would have collapsed had he not had you suspended like you were, between him and the railing. 

Toji seemed both unfazed by the cold and your cries for mercy as he shushed you with a harsh spank. He enjoyed the way your fat ass rippled under his heavy hand in the moonlight so much he gave you a few more for good measure.

Your tits violently swayed over the edge as one of your hands grasped the railing for stability and the other held your phone in front of you. Toji was making you dictate your story for him as he reenacted the play by play assault on your cunt.  

The bright screen you held was near blinding to your teary eyes. You mentally cringed as you knew it would act as a shiny beacon to view your activities if anyone walked by the small apartment complex or hell, even stepped out on their balcony. 

“T-Toj- Daddy, w-what ‘bout– neigh-h-b-bor-s?”

You managed to croak out over the sloshing of your cunt and slapping sounds of flesh that echoed into the atmosphere everytime he rammed into you. You couldn’t bear to look around to see if any of your neighbors had started to investigate.

“Pshhh, Fuck your neighbors Y/N! They clearly don’t have a cockcrazed baby to please that writes dirty little stories about imaginary men like I do.”

If you didn’t know better you would think he was actually jealous of the DILFs in your stories too from the way he was sadistically fucking into you. 

His thrusts caused your icy tears to run down your face and sent your tits bouncing into the wind. Your cold and neglected nipples hardened in the chill to the point of delicious pain.

“B-but- it's too c-cold out D-Daddy!”

“Mmn, yet your pussy feels warm enough, Y/N. Too hot even. This is for your benefit, you know–,” Toji stated matter-of-factly while he increases the speed his pounding into you, “–So you remember you have your own Daddy who will fuck you anyway you want, anytime you want…just, fuck, tell Daddy what his slutty baby needs.”

The way his hips are driving into your core knocks the wind out of you. Toji tightens the already brutal grip on your hips which assists him in pressing deeper into your cunt. The movement has you almost slipping. You nearly drop your phone off the balcony when your toes stepped in the growing pool of shared juices flowing down your legs and collecting at your feet.

“Hold that shit tight for daddy baby, got it? You drop it and we gotta start over, yeah? I’ll make you walk downstairs ass naked just like this to get it too,” Toji breathed out huskily. 

You realize you’ve never heard him sound this needy before now.

“What’s next, in y’er lil’ story huh?… Speak up so I can hear it over this messy cunt.” 

There was an edge of desperation for you clear in his tone. Although to your dismay it causes your body to gush around him harder meaning you would have to speak up even louder as your pussy squelches grew more vulgar in volume. 

You nearly shouted out the next part groaning and mixing in incoherent babbles throughout the smut filled paragraph as Toji doesn't slow to help you. If anything Toji picks up speed and grows even harder inside of you as he's encouraged by his baby's filthy words.

“...H-he- lifts your leg, r-resting your knee on the edge of the bal-c-cony. T-T-The angle allows h-him, fuck, deeper access to your c-cunt. Ah-h-h-a clear view of his c-cock badgering your core f’er a-anyone who happens to p-pass belowwww-ohmygod. Y-you seeeeee s-stars as he callously s-slams into your c-cervix, shitshitshit, n-nearly fa-fa-fucking you off the balcony if not for his s-strong hold on youuuu–ah. Y-you violently t-tremble as you c-cum s-screamiiiiing, not fuckdaddyfuckkkk, caring if your n-neighbors could s-see or h-hear you any l-longer.”

“HA! Is that so–” Toji lifts your leg just like you wrote in your fic, “–guess I am gonna to have to keep fucking this tight cunt until you no longer give a fuck about anything else but this dick, eh?”

You hear what sounds like a door slide open near you and you begin to whine about your neighbors again before Toji jerks your head back by your ponytail to whisper in your ear. 

“I wouldn’t worry that nasty, pretty little head of yours about these neighbors babydoll…” 

The new angle allows Toji to bury himself deeper into you just like you told in your story and his tip hits your cervix so hard you think he might actually penetrate. 

“...if I were you Y/N... I would think about how daddy’s needy lil whore is gonna make it through an entire day of classes tomorrow with clamps on your nipples and a remote control vibrator up your cunt.”

He licked the side of your face and spit in your mouth before carelessly pushing your head back. You loudly moaned as his bruising grip returned to your meaty hips as his nonstop aggressive assault on your cunt proceeds.

You feel yourself getting close, your eyes rolled back into your head and drool seeped down the corners of your mouth. You cursed your weakness for this shit as you felt yourself give into the pleasure. You surprise even yourself as you never actually thought this kinda sex could be so fucking good you wouldn’t care about shit else for real. 

“Goddamn mamas, squeezing me so hard–” Toji’s hips snapped into you with every syllable, his voice becoming more animalistic, “–you want me to fill this pussy up? Mmm, I fucking know you do the way she’s milking me. Fuck, might even put a baby in you, give ‘gumi a sibling. We won’t be able to do some of that kinky shit you wrote unless I knock a baby up in this cunt, ya know.”

Of course, Toji being the sexy ass DILF straight out of your dreams would love breeding kinks too.

His ramblings cause you to tighten and clench around him even more. You’ve wanted to beg for him like this since you first started dating. Just thinking of the words spilling out of your mouth nearly pushed you over the edge.

You were so close to release.

“I-Inside me D-Daddy pleasepleaseplease!,” you slobbered out, struggling to make sentences from all the pleasure within you.

“F-fill me– fill me D-Daddy, knock this tight little cunt up, w-want it– want it– w-want it–!!!”

Your voice caught in your throat and you nearly choked once you felt your peak hit. Your pussy sent tremors around his dick as you creamed around him. You can't think of anything else but him inside of you.

You just came but Toji allowed you no rest. He still pummeled inside you as he chased his own high and slurred vulgar curses of praise for his pretty lil’ whore's dirty mind, while planning the next debaucherous smut for you both to reenact.

“Ya think it's too late now f’er prime next day delivery for those toys, baby? Fuck, look that up while y’er still holding that phone.”

You didn’t even realize you still had your phone in your hand but were just thankful you didn’t drop yet. You didn't think it would survive the fall.

Groaning you tried to rally the strength to even lift the phone to face unlock when you locked eyes with someone below. You instantly recognized the person as the elderly woman with the flower garden from down the street.

The old lady had always been very kind to you, making pleasant conversation, offering you fresh flowers for your kitchen and praising you for how reminded her of her own sweet young daughter at your age. 

Unfortunately for you both, she was casually walking her two mini poodles when her eyes were affronted with you practically hanging off the balcony. A blissed out expression plastered across your face while Toji held you, battering your slick pussy full of his thick cock.

The old woman’s eyes widened in terror as if she actually witnessed a crime scene as she panicked, yanking her two dogs away swiftly back in the direction of her home. You knew you would have to take the long way home from now on.

Nevertheless Toji, who was none the wiser and wouldn’t give a single fuck regardless, merely continued planning out your next smut fic enactment.

“Nah fuck it, we’re going to the library tomorrow. See how many pages you can read of that dull ass biology book while y’er warming my cock... Tch, or should we do the one where y’er fucking the coach in the men’s locker room, whacha think baby?”

"Hmmmnmmrgh", you could only moan in reply.

You were already near hyperventilating from your own climax, the shame of now having to avoid your neighbor for life and Toji’s fiery body creating a storm of friction clashing with the freezing temperatures.

But your senses were now wholly overloaded once you felt him reach down to pinch and rub at your clit. 

“Cum again with Daddy baby, shit, can ya do that f’er me?” Toji sounded like he was close and he slapped your clit even harder causing you to scream out.

Cockdrunk and overstimulated you could no longer communicate as your entire body felt like it was an extension of your pussy. The thick fluids flowing out of your body increased the sizable puddle already at your feet. You utterly surrendered to the feeling and your body wrecked with pleasure electrifying you. 

You almost blackout as you feel his cock bust hot seed into your tummy melting your insides and causing you to cum all over again.

"Fuck, that’s it, take it all. Can't wait to see this belly and these tits full mama."

The aftershock of your orgasm feels near endless as Toji continues to fuck thick ropes of his cum into you. 

Losing track of time you weren’t sure how long it was before Toji finally pulled out and took you off the railing. Holding on to you so you can balance and turning you to face him he places you down on your unsteady feet. You immediately bury your head into his chest as his heat envelops your cold skin. Your breathing finally starts to calm in his embrace. 

“So good f’er daddy babygirl,” he murmurs into your hair, savoring your scent.

“Warm bath, yeah?”

“Sure, but you gotta carry me daddy.”

You yawned while Toji’s already lifting you princess style in his strong arms. You were exposed still in the night but at the same time you have never felt safer. 

You curl further into his warmth as he kisses your forehead and finally brings you back inside.

Once inside the bathroom Toji sets you down on the edge of the tub while the water runs and he leaves to grab some fresh towels.

You can’t help but feel euphoric as you smiled to yourself. You are too giddy!

You finally have the DILF daddy you always wanted and could be open about your kinks without any judgment. 

However your mood shifts when Toji returns. You give him an incredulous look as you see your pink waterproof vibrator in his hands. 

Toji turns it on and saunters over to you, his scar twisted into a devilish smirk.

“95 more fuckfics to go ma’, we don’t have time to waste…”

Fucking hell, you had entirely forgotten about the overstimulation in the bath drabble. 

You quiver in both anticipation and distress as you aren’t sure how your completely spent and nearly frozen body is gonna be able to cum four more times tonight. 

Could there ever be too much of a good thing?

You weren't sure what those limits were exactly.

“Ya know, Y/N–," Toji started slyly, interrupting your thought.

”If I hit up Shiu and you asked him nicely with that pretty lil' mouth, I’m positive he would be down for some double daddy Eiffel Tower action.”

However from the feral grin on Toji’s face he appeared determined to test those limits with you.

You could thank your Tumblr smut fics for that. 

© ʙʟᴋᴋɪᴢᴢᴀᴛ 2023. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ��ᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ ꜰɪᴄꜱ, ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇꜱ, & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄꜱ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ ᴜɴʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ.

A/N: I honestly have to say I am a bit impressed with myself as I’ve never finished a story in one day before ever (although it took most of today to proofread and I still think there might be errors soz). Hopefully this is a good sign for powering through those Kinktober fics once classes start up again this Weds. Also If there is any interest possibly a PT 2 after Kinktober featuring a threesome with Shiu at his office.

Edit: errors/grammar fixed as of 9/26.

This one goes out to all of us dilf smut queens who simp Toji ❤︎

Please reblog to have DILF Daddy Toji dick you down, but likes and comments are always appreciated just the same!

#♋︎kizzatcookedthat #♋︎kizzatcooks #jjk x reader #toji x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk x you #jjk smut #jjk fic #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #toji fushiguro x y/n #toji fushiguro x you #toji x black reader #jjk x black reader #toji fushiguro x reader #jujutsu toji #toji fushiguro x black reader #meta toji #toji smut #dilf toji #daddy toji

[leahswife]

the in-betweens

summary: in which you and aitana go from normal best friends to best friends who kiss.

a/n: this is the before of "where do we stand". gotta post some aitana fluff after all the jenni filth. i'm sorry if this feels rushed but i just couldn't find any more ways to describe the goddamn act of kissing 😭

prequel, part one, part two, part three

"ven a bailar conmigo, porfaaa." aitana begged as she grabbed your hand. 

"no no no aita–" you tried to protest but the girl's strong arms pulled you up from your seat, in the direction of the dance floor. you looked back at where you were seated besides caro and marta, sending them a pleading look to save you. they sent you an apologetic look but knew even they couldn't reason with a buzzed energetic aitana. you groaned at being dragged, you weren't in the mood for drinks tonight and you pretty content sitting next to the calm couple.

you don't know where aitana managed to find so much energy to party after a long game. but she did. and insisted on trying to force some of it into your worn out body.

you danced for a while, aitana screaming along to the spanish songs playing. you were unable to keep your frown on, with a smile pulling at the corners of your lips as you saw how happy she was.

she finally calmed down and wrapped her arms around your neck which made you comfortable enough to wrap yours around her waist, pulling her closer. you felt like your heart could combust with how close she was. she was breathless and clearly still high on a buzz when she got closer to your ear to shout "quiero besarte!" you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, not quite understanding what she said, a mix of language barrier and loud music not allowing you to. she grabbed the back of your neck to pull you closer and shouted again, "i want to kiss you!" she smiled excitedly.

you felt like your eyes couldn't grow wider if you wanted to, shocked at what you just heard. "you want to kiss me?" you asked her, disbelief in your voice. she just nodded with a happy smile and kept on dancing like she just didn't drop those 'too drunken' news on your 'too sober' self.

you went along with her wishes for a while but the pressing of sweaty bodies against you was starting to make you uncomfortable and so you got closer to aitana to shout in her ear, "i'm tired, tana. i'm going!" she nodded, starting to get drained too and both of you went back to your friends' table to gather your stuff. she tripped a bit on her own feet and you quickly put your hand on her waist to steady her, "okay, i'm taking you home." you say as you grab her stuff for her, she just giggled and let you take the lead, "at least take me to dinner first."

once you got to her house, you search for her keys in her purse and open the door, planting your hand on her back to guide her inside.

"so much better." you let out as you relished in the warmth of aitana's apartment, compared to the night's relentless cold outside. you turned to aitana to see her shivering in her dress, holding tightly onto her jacket.

"aitanita, go change into your pajamas." you rubbed up and down her arms and she nodded, "you can use my pajamas too" she suggested quietly, sleepiness taking over her.

"oh that's okay, i can go ba–"

"i'd like for you to stay." she whispered, looking up at you. she was sobering up by now and you could see it in her eyes there was something she needed to let out. did she remember what she said earlier? about you two kissing? she could really just let it go and blame it on the alcohol but you knew aitana felt the need to carefully explain any behaviour that could come across as weird. so you nodded. you went to grab her pajamas and got ready in her bathroom while she got dressed in her bedroom.

when you walked in, aitana was sprawled in her bed, dead asleep. you looked at her for a moment, heart beating slightly faster at the thought that your best friend might like you back. anyway, that was something for you to obsess over later. you chuckled at her figure and tucked her in, pulling the warm covers over her. you grabbed a blanket and made yourself comfortable on her couch.

–

"why did you sleep on the couch?!" 

you groaned and reluctantly opened your eyes as a scolding aitana woke you up.

"you don't have a guest room." you mumbled sleepily.

"so you should've slept in my bed." she crossed her arms.

"hm. couldn't disturb your beauty sleep." you put one arm over your eyes to keep away the light.

"idiota." you heard aitana mutter under her breath as she continued to throw complaints in catalan at you.

"aita, aita, aita" you repeated in hopes of interrupting her, in which you were successful, resulting in aitana shutting her mouth but not without sending you a scowl.

"qué?"

"has anyone ever told you that you're extremely loud and talk way–" you're interrupted by her rolling her eyes and moving towards the kitchen, ignoring you, "-- way too fast!" you yelled after her.

soon after, you feel a body sit down next your lying one. you opened your eyes to see aitana offering you a plate with fruit and eggs and some orange juice. you sit up, a smile forming on your face. "you didn't have to."

"eat." 

"bossy."

"as i speak."

you looked at her, getting slightly anxious at what was about to come next. but you nodded and started diving into your plate.

"i said something last night." she started, hesitantly. you nodded again, focusing more on your plate rather than looking at her so she wouldn't feel so much on the spot.

"i didn't– i don't want to make you uncomfortable with what i said."

"did you mean it though?" you finally lift your gaze towards her. 

"i– i did mean it. but i don't know what that means for me. if that makes sense." aitana was looking at her hands, fidgeting with them. this was clearly a sensitive topic. you noticed her breathing starting to get irregular and you put your plate and glass on the coffee table so you could get closer to her.

"i just don't want to lose you and i'm sorry if i made things awkward or different–" she started rambling the same time her tears started flowing down her cheeks. you pulled her into a hug and held her tight, "hey, tana–" "i don't want you to look at me differently or avoid me–" she was trying to control her breathing at this point, so you grabbed her cheeks, "aitana. stop." you said firmly, trying to ground her. she finally regained control of her breath and looked at you with slightly red eyes. 

"aitana, i can assure you that you wanting to kiss me is not a problem. at all. i don't feel weird or uncomfortable or whatever. hell, i feel flattered that aitana bonmatí wants to kiss me." you winked at her, trying to lighten up the mood. she giggled and wiped her nose. you felt relieved when you saw the smile back in her face, "i know this is probably overwhelming for you right now and you have a lot to discover on your own. but i can't lie and say i don't want to kiss you either." 

she looked up at you, eyes wide at your confession. 

"but if that's something you're not ready to explore, let's leave it at that and let it go."

–

and you did. let it go, that is. for a little while.

none of you spoke about it. you figured aitana should be the one to bring it up when she's prepared, so you went back to normal. as if nothing happened.

until it did.

–

you and almost the whole barça team were hanging out at mapi and ingrid's house for bonding night. you had played a few games and were now gathered around the living-room, watching a movie.

you were sitting at one of the ends of the couch, with aitana cuddling you by your side. you'd often whisper things to her to explain some scene from the movie or make some joke about what was happening. you'd do anything to see her smile and give you her absolutely lovable giggle.

at one point she nudged you to face her. "hm?" you asked, highly aware of how close your faces were. "i'm going to take a nap, wake me up when it's over." she whispered and you could feel her breath on your lips, which was far too intoxicating. you could simply nod and try to not look at her lips. 

she smiled as a thank you and flicked her eyes to your lips before gazing back up at you. you felt her inhale a short breath before looking down at your lips again and moving closer, pressing her own against the corner of your mouth. if your heart wasn't beating fast before, it definitely was now.

you started at each other, both understanding that that changed something.

she leaned her head on your shoulder again to try and take her nap but there was no way aitana was able to fall asleep now with the thundering in her chest.

–

the ride back to aitana's house was silent. there was unspoken tension between you two and you both knew it.

you got out of your car and walked her over to her door, not quite sure what to say and feeling like a teenager with a crush who's just dropped her date off at home and doesn't know what to do.

you huffed in frustration. the silence was killing you and you had to do something about it. you stepped closer to aitana and carefully cupped her cheeks, looking at her as if asking for permission. she didn't pull away so you leaned in, noses touching, you giving her another chance to back out if she wanted to.

she didn't. so you took your chance and softly pressed your lips against hers. 

you honestly didn't know how to describe it. it was tentative, gentle, delicate but - comfortable? like your lips were always meant to touch hers and knew exactly how to move against hers as if you've kissed a hundred times before. 

after what felt like ages to you but were actually seconds, aitana kisses you back. you keep kissing for a few more moments before you pull back, hands still cupping the catalan's cheeks and stare at her, breathless.

"i swear, aitana, if you still don't speak after that i–" you're cut off by her sweet little giggle before she presses multiple kisses on your lips. "you want to come in?" she asks, biting her lip to try and keep her grin from widening even further.

"damn, bonmatí. a girl gives you a finger and you want the whole arm." you shook your head in fake disapproval.

"callate." she grabbed your hand and pulled you in. 

the rest of the night was spent with you two letting your lips and tongues explore each other's mouths. it started off as shy and tender but as comfort and boldness started to settle in, your kisses got harder and provocative.

however, no matter how much your hands and lips delved into each other, no labels were defined. 

and they wouldn't be for the next months to come.

–

a routine started to settle in. you would show up at each other's houses for "best friend's night" and it always ended up with you locking lips. whether it was while aitana was cooking or when she beat you at a board game and you wanted to shut her up.

the same conversation also started to settle in between make out sessions. "just friends, right?" aitana would whisper breathlessly against your lips, and you would nod, agreeing with whatever she wanted so you could press your lips against hers again and again.

"i just," she would cut herself off to kiss you, "can't be," kiss, "in a relationship right now." kiss. you would agree because you would accept anything aitana would give you, no matter how small or little it could be.

you couldn't keep off of each other even at training, with you often pulling her inside closets so you could press her against the wall and muffle her giggles with your mouth. or when she would drag you into the changing room while others were at lunch to playfully bite your lips and leave you winded up.

but aitana was a busy person. she had family, friends and her career to focus on. but all she seemed to focus on now was you. and that was starting to worry her. she never had to make room for someone else in her life since starting her career, except for the casually meeting friends once in a while and visiting her family when she could. but to share everything with someone?

so she started to pull away, she wouldn't reach out to you during trainings, choosing to focus on getting there earlier for gym sessions and staying after to practice some more. this was her life, this was her focus. it had to be. so the "best friend's nights" started to disappear as well, aitana claiming she was too tired after trainings. and she was, she really was. as much as she trained, she didn't feel as fulfilled as before. the more she pulled away from you, the less accomplished she felt. but she also pulled these feelings away.

football was once her entire life. and it would be again.

#aitana bonmati #woso x reader #aitana bonmati x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #aitana bonmati imagine #barca femeni x reader

[beevean]

Continuing my quest on finding good Charlastor content and I keep having Thoughts :)

because most of said content was, understandably, made between the pilot and the beginning of the actual show. And it's not only noticeable by the insistence of having Charlie and Alastor bond through dancing (since in the pilot that's the scene where the two seem to be having genuinely fun with each other), but also because the "creepiest" works (for lack of a better term) do indeed paint Alastor as Charlie's puppeteer, as the one who will push her to the dark side and unlock her demonic potential.

Part of this is still canon. There's all the heavy handed manipulations in ep. 5 where he presents himself as a better father figure than Lucifer and as the only one Charlie should love and trust; and also... well, the everything in the scene in ep. 7 where he finally manages to strike a deal with her lmao.

(you sure are unusually touchy with her :^) )

And this damning line:

Yes, Alastor desperately wants to have a hold on Charlie's mind if not heart. Even after he admitted in the pilot that he doesn't believe in her cause, he wants her to see him as a trusty mentor. And while the pilot is outdated in certain aspects, I can almost see traces of this... possessiveness? in the way he kept pushing Vaggie away: he clearly doesn't like anyone threatening his authority, and in that moment, Vaggie and her mistrust were an obstacle in his objective to ingratiate himself with the Princess of Hell.

I also noticed that Alastor is willing to make deals that don't require owning a soul: he cares about being the one in control even if he doesn't gain anything material. He struck a little "deal" with Vaggie just to do things his way, and he struck a more serious (but still not soul-binding) deal with Charlie so that she could owe him one favor. Alastor very much cares about having the upper hand in any situation, even the smallest one.

But then ep. 8 came along. And we get the confirmation that Alastor is bound by a deal. He hates it. It "clips his wings". He clearly blames this deal for limiting his freedom and causing him to nearly die for the sake of his "friends".

Alastor may be more of a puppet than Charlie is, at the moment.

And if the theory that this deal is what is forcing Alastor to protect the hotel... Charlie may be the one holding the strings, without even knowing it. While Charlie is not the one who directly owns Alastor's soul, she might have power over him.

It doesn't help that Alastor, as much of a self-serving liar he is, really seems to like Charlie...

(He doesn't need to offer her his precious mic that seems to be the source of most of his power. She already owes him a favor, and was shown comfortable enough to talk to him about her personal issues. This is Alastor showing his trust in Charlie.)

(again, he doesn't need to say this to Rosie, who clearly thinks the world of him)

(yes, this is about the entire hotel. But my point still stands that it's more earnest than anything we usually see from him)

So now we have a puppet in the hands of an unknowing, kind puppeteer that he actually be mildly fond of... and he wants out of every constraint possible because he wants to pull the strings, damn it all! And he will do anything to gain mental leverage on the one he's been forced to serve!

And I think this is what makes the dynamic even more interesting than a straightforward "manipulator/victim" :)

#hazbin hotel #charlastor #alastor hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #thoughts so many that grammar bye #i hope this is understandable to read lmao

[vaguely-concerned]

Ever since watching The Wire for the first time, my brain has doggedly kept working away at the Especially the lies of it all, and specifically at how much the structure beneath the different stories Garak tells contributes to the overall meaning of what he’s trying to say. While the contradicting narratives of course expertly obscure the factual circumstances of his getting exiled, using them also allows him to tell aspects and facets of the emotional truth I don’t think he ever could have, if he’d simply told the actual story of what happened. (It’s very Varric-core of him honestly.)

The first story — the ‘oh, you think you know me?’ story — says I have done things that would sicken you if you knew any detail of it. It’s clearly meant to scare Bashir away so he’ll leave him to die shamefully in peace already lol. But it’s also one of his (probably much-needed lbr) little lessons to Julian that are so frequent in the beginning, given while Garak still has some hold on himself — “Don’t be so quick to forgive me if you don’t even know what I’ve done; what would you do if this really were the sum total of what I am?” (And Julian seems to surprise him by going ‘Well, exactly the same thing, because no matter who you are I am a doctor. But I sort of take your point.’)

The second story — the letting the orphans go story — says I have failed to smother my soul in its cradle when it was required of me, and I regret that more than anything I’ve done. To my ears this is the one most shot through with active self-loathing too, which is interesting. He’s officially lost the control he’s been clinging to and it’s about to get ugly. His TL;DR is ‘Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all’, even all the way back here. (Which is the one lesson Julian steadfastly refuses to learn, which I think in turn does some serious rearrangement of Garak’s soul over the course of the show haha. Get uno reversed into the process of loving and being loved without shame asshole.)  This is also where he builds up to admitting to having any sort of need for companionship or closeness at all and — so much worse — that Julian’s role in his life actually has fulfilled some of that need, and he’s DRIPPING with defensive venom over it b/c well I get it Garak vulnerability is scary it can take a person like that. 

(I also feel there’s something honest and forbidden in ‘Suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless’. I suspect ‘actually… why the fuck are we even doing this???’ is not a welcome sentiment in an Obsidian Order water cooler environment, no matter what you’re saying it about lmao. The very first seeds of him deconstructing the things he’s been taught about Cardassia and his work might be hinted at here, though they of course take a looong time to come to any real fruition.)   

The third story — the ‘Elim was my best friend’ story — says hey, remember that thing you said once, about how sometimes, you have to be loyal to yourself before you can be loyal to anything else? Well. guess what. I couldn’t even be that lmao. It also furthers that thread of being divided from yourself, split, that having ‘Elim’ as a separate person around in all versions of the story brings in. He’s in control of himself again, but he essentially hands his life and soul over to Julian to decide what should be done with them. 

I’ve done horrible things and it finally caught up with me, I’m getting what I deserve → I let sentiment master me and the fact that I’m too weak to do what’s needed of me shames me more than the evil I’ve done → I fucked up. I betrayed myself and everything I held to, all for nothing, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. But it’s very nice that you’re here anyway, Doctor. (Wow. I didn’t realize quite how isolated and lonely that last one was before right now. The way Tain has shaped him really has just… locked him completely into himself, huh.) We can also see a movement through from a completely professional context in the first story, to an intensely interpersonal and internal context in the last one — even his fake stories spiral in towards intimacy, which I think is what he longs for here even if he can’t quite like. Touch that without the stories as a buffer yet, it’s clearly like touching a hot stove for him to interact with it too directly. 

And you know what I find incredibly interesting the whole way through? Even on his deathbed, where he’s dying from the thing Tain had put in his head, he’s protecting Tain. He puts all the blame for where he is on himself (‘My future was limitless, until I threw it away’), even if he has to employ a strange twisty logic where he’s split himself into two to do it. Don’t get me wrong, Garak has done horrific things all on his own haha, but it’s notable that he almost isolates Tain from that. ‘Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand.’ Tain in Garak’s stories is this infallible implacable weirdly distant figure, even now. Indeed, as will make a lot of sense with the revelations further down the line, more than anything it seems the gaze of an abused child desperate for recognition looking up at an idealized (if not in any way nurturing) parent.‘He was retired at that point; he couldn't protect me’, Garak says, as if what he’d need protection from in the first place isn’t Tain himself lmao, as if Tain had no active part in any of this. He never lets blame touch Tain at all. At this stage he would rather consider himself a broken flawed tool than accept that the hands that have wrought and wielded him have ever had any fault in them. AND in the middle of it all, with plausible deniability, on death’s door and knocking meekly to be let in before he must finish the mortifying ordeal of being known and test the even more daunting possibility of being loved, Garak at the same time manages to drop the breadcrumb trail of clues to make it possible for Julian to find Tain if he so chooses and gets in the ‘sons of Tain’ thing too for future dramatic irony purposes. Truly he is the Michelangelo of lying. Every falsehood a multifaceted masterpiece. Elim ‘achieving a state of intertextuality in real life is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself’ Garak. I love him so much. 

I think all of this is why “I forgive you. For whatever it is you did,” works so well, because it too works on a structural level. It’s such a deceptively multilayered response — it has the syntax of a joke, in a way, and it is kind of funny even under the circumstances, but delivered with such earnest warmth and fondness. It’s both recognition and acceptance (forgiveness!). It’s saying ‘I finally understand enough of what you’re trying to tell me beneath and through all that, in whatever way you’re capable of, I see you’ and ‘my answer hasn’t changed (bitch)’. The forgiveness Julian offers here is complete — on principle, and out of personal feeling and empathy (only one of which Garak deigns to respond to during the second story, where he calls it ‘smug Federation sympathy’, placing it more completely on the principle side than it probably is. ‘Dude you’re my friend please don’t just lie down and die in a completely avoidable way on me, who else is going to not only tolerate but actually gleefully enjoy me being annoying as fuck over lunch’ seems to be the subtext that’s a lot harder to acknowledge and invite in for both of them. And yet Tain seems perfectly clear on the fact that Julian is Garak’s friend, which, y’know. Must be fun living with the knowledge that Tain has eyes everywhere looming over you every day haha guess you’d just have to tune that out.) 

Most of all — ’Don’t give up on me now, Doctor’... and he didn’t! He didn’t. Augh. Ow.

#garashir #elim garak #julian bashir #star trek ds9 #ds9 #star trek #ds9 meta #S2EP22 The Wire #alternate title: baby's first brush with unconditional love through unreliable narration lol #I'm not sure I got to say everything I want to in this/found the exact right words in places or hit all the nuances #but god help me I so desperately need this out of my brain to free up some disc space so go forth little meta haha be free #I'm sure I'll come back to you in time #meta #enabran tain #(derogatory)

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I've been thinking a lot about this today, but I think I've nailed down what my biggest lingering issue with s2 was - it's that I wanted Ed to get more explicit sympathy, and I don't blame the story for not doing it because I can see why they thought they wouldn't have to.

As you know if you were around as s2 was airing, one of the big frustrations was that a certain subset of the fandom thought the narrative was vindicating a read of Ed as irredeemable and Izzy as blameless. Because of this, I often found myself wishing that there were more scenes where the crew explicitly sympathized with Ed's struggles and told him outright that they still loved him. Even though the narrative was so sympathetic towards Ed, I knew how a lot of this season would be read so I wanted it to be said so clearly it would be impossible to miss.

The thing is, of course, that the writers wouldn't have assumed that necessary. Now, I do wish we'd had more Ed/crew scenes (another place I blame the budget cuts and not the writers). But they show us the crew feeling extreme guilt over mutinying on Ed and accepting him back very quickly.

They (reasonably) assumed that the audience would be able to fill in the gaps because Ed is a very likeable, sympathetic character and they (reasonably) expect their audience to like and sympathize with him. The only problem is that vocal subset of the fandom who love to villify Ed and thought their interpretation was being validated by the story up until like the last ten minutes of the finale, which was frustrating to the rest of us. The other thing is the writers (reasonably) assumed they would need to put in the work to make the audience like Izzy, so they devote a lot of time to making him more likeable, which, to those same people, came across as absolving him of any blame. It could too easily come across as an abuser (Izzy) turning the narrative against the man he abused (Ed).

I know it's because of the fandom atmosphere that I so strongly miss scenes where Ed got some of the sympathy that was afforded to the character who triggered his spiral into such a dark and self-destructive mindset in the first place. The writers couldn't have expected this and I think they made the best decisions they could with what they had. But dear lord does it make me want to write a bunch of fics about Ed getting pampered and fussed over by the crew.

#ofmd #our flag means death #izzy critical #still a s2 defender till i die of course! i don't think any of this was their fault and i adore s2 with my whole chest

[quoththemaiden]

The final chapter of @mrghostrat's Big Name Feelings Good Omens AU is dropping tomorrow, so obviously there was no way I could resist writing another fanscene. (Previous scene 1, 2, 3) Inspired by the sheer domesticity of chapters 15 and 16, enjoy this end-of-series scene.

—

Crowley's key fumbled against the lock — still Aziraphale's lock, technically, but very firmly Crowley's key. "Dinner was good, though?"

Aziraphale rolled his eyes a little at how much more attention his face was getting than the keyhole. Sherlock Holmes might have blamed the wine they shared at dinner for the scratches around the lock, but Aziraphale knew better. "It was delicious, of course. You should know; you were there."

"Nnyeah, well, it's your opinion I care about." As if that weren't obvious from Crowley having gotten them a table at one of the city's best restaurants on Valentine's Day and insisting on not even letting him see the bill.

As if Aziraphale was ever any good at hiding his appreciation of good food.

"Quite sure," Aziraphale replied with a gentle touch on Crowley's arm that swiftly turned into snagging the key from him to open the door himself. Crowley let out a huffy laugh as he followed him inside. "Tea?"

"Sure, if that goes with whatever we're doing next." Crowley had been trying to wheedle Aziraphale's planned gift out of him for the past two weeks, and Aziraphale had remained utterly firm in not sharing it with him. Crowley insisted that whatever Aziraphale planned would be alright with him so there was no reason for Aziraphale to be shy about it, and Aziraphale had said "I know, dearest," and somehow that's as far as Crowley's attempts at learning Aziraphale's plans ever got.

Aziraphale fussed around with the tea and put on some music — old-fashioned stuff on actual CDs, the sap — and Crowley was left to lean against the doorjamb watching him and coming to terms with being so terribly, completely besotted that their evening plans could be "absolutely nothing" and Crowley wouldn't love it a single speck less. Aziraphale had said that he'd always thought of Valentine's Day as just another day, and that he'd certainly never considered that he might be able to celebrate it publicly, so Crowley was already delighted at having coaxed him out to dinner. Crowley found himself very suddenly aware that if Aziraphale's supposed plans amounted to nothing at all, he honestly wouldn't mind. His fifteen-year-old self would eat him alive if he knew, and Crowley felt warm inside to know that that was his younger self's loss.

Crowley blinked out of his reverie in time to help Aziraphale carry the teacups into the living room, and was almost surprised when Aziraphale brought a bag in with him as he followed. "Whazzat?"

"Painting supplies, dear." Aziraphale set the bag down on the coffee table.

Another point in favor of another evening spent doing nothing unusual. Crowley relaxed back into the couch, wondering if his melting heart could leave stains on the fabric. "What're you gonna paint?"

"You!" Par for the course again, then. Aziraphale gave a happy wriggle. "I hope you aren't ticklish!"

Wait, what?

"Uh?" Crowley picked up one of the paints Aziraphale was setting out and found that the label said, quite clearly, "body safe." "Angel?"

Aziraphale looked at him with a smile that said he was still 100% confident in his plan despite Crowley's confusion. "I thought it might be a nice reminder of the con. Getting an airbrush and making stencils didn't seem sensible, really, but I know how to use a brush well enough."

Crowley let out a breathy laugh. "'Well enough' 's an understatement. Geez, now MY gift feels—"

"—completely, perfectly tailored to me," Aziraphale cut in. "I would have been actually cross if you'd insisted on getting me another sword." Crowley laughed again, and it warmed Aziraphale's heart that he'd seemed to do nothing but laugh all night. Aziraphale patted Crowley's hand before picking up his tea, taking an appreciative sip and willing it to calm the excited fluttering in his chest. "What do you think? Another serpent on your cheek? I was thinking a tree would look rather lovely spread across your spine and shoulder blades..."

Crowley shivered a little at that, easily able to picture Aziraphale straddling his hips as he lay on the bed, Aziraphale's left palm spread flat on his back to keep himself steady with the rise and falls of Crowley's breath, his paintbrush tenderly tracing a line along his spine...

"Snake first," he agreed quickly. "And then..." He looked down on Aziraphale's arms and swallowed. "Think you could paint on your own arm? I could help hold things steady for you."

"Oh," Aziraphale breathed, and Crowley's heart clenched in the best of ways. He had no idea how Aziraphale always managed to say that like he was falling in love all over again, time and time again, but he did.

No, that wasn't quite right. Crowley probably did know. He suspected it came from the same place as the way he'd looked at Aziraphale as he helped him out of the car today. Aziraphale had taken his arm without hesitation and looked up at him with a warmer smile than any mortal had ever earned, and Crowley had been certain he was wearing his own heart on his sleeve, his vest, and every other garment he owned.

He adored him, and somehow, ineffably, it was the smallest moments that made it stand out the most.

"...right," Aziraphale managed to say around the happy tightness in his throat. "Some art for the both of us, then."

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #ineffable husbands #bnf au #fanfiction of fanfiction #my writing #absolutely amazing fic bilvy #you should be proud!!

[tkaulitzlvr]

WE NEEEED A PART 2 OF ANSWER IT !!! 🙏🙏 you don’t have to if you don’t want to but i just NEED to know what happens after ! anyways i love your writings!

ANSWER IT (2) - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: after things with your boyfriend end unexpectedly - thanks to no one but you, tom makes a confession that you never could have been prepared for.

content: angst & fluff

a/n: so many ppl have been BEGGING for a pt2 to answer it and honestly i never planned on writing one but here u go i guess!!😭 also random but this clip makes me go feral so had to use it for the gif🙏

my chest rises up and down, completely breathless as tom collapses on top of me, lips lazily pressing to my collarbone. our bodies stick together, sweat glistening against them, the smell of sex circling around the room as our heavy breathing mixes with it. he pulls out of me, a low whine leaving my lips at the loss of contact. his calloused hands run up and down my waist, unspoken words left unsaid as we lay within each other’s embrace, coming down from some of the best sex we have ever had.

“so fucking good.” he mutters against me as his head rests in my neck, a lazy smile on his face.

but, unlike every other time we had fucked, i no longer share the same sense of hazy happiness, lethargic bliss that i usually would, the reality of the situation soon coming to light, a sickly feeling of guilt rising from the pit of my stomach as i realise what i have done - my boyfriend has just caught me cheating on him.

though i completely deserved this, to feel so ashamed, so completely devastated, after all, i was the one to blame, it didn’t at all ease my pain. strangely, i didn’t regret fucking tom the way i had been these past months, i just longed to erase the phone call, wishing that it had never happened as i stare blankly at the ceiling, my eyes welling up with long-awaited tears whilst tom absentmindedly lays with his body on mine, lips placing tired kisses on my bare skin.

“so fucking glad you finally got rid of that guy.” he mutters, gently nibbling at the skin below my ear, pulling at my waist and moving his crotch to grind it against me, his small movements making me realise exactly what he wants. “he was such an ass, didn’t deserve to have you all to his self, didn’t treat you the way you should’ve been, such a fucking cunt.”

my whole body tenses up at the mention of him, eyes no longer able to hold the tears back as they fall down my cheeks. i am frozen in place, unable to move, beating myself up for literally everything, hating how tom can be so nonchalant about it - he had always been aware that i wanted this to be strictly kept a secret. and i cannot help but blame him. he was the one to pick up the phone, to make me answer it, and ultimately blow my cover.

my body begins to shake as i silently sob, tom’s head lifting up from my shoulder in confusion. his eyebrows furrow, clearly not understanding why i am upset, totally oblivious to this whole thing, not able to see where he fucked up.

“woah woah, what’s going on?” he asks, sitting up and resting his back against the head board, quickly scooping me into his lap as he holds me, hands running down to my lower back in an attempt to comfort me.

my sadness soon mixes with anger, utterly despising tom in this moment as i roughly escape his hold, pushing my arms flush against his chest, finally getting out from his grasp. i clench my jaw, shaking my head as the tears continue to fall, angrily slipping my panties and bra on.

“hey, what’s up? talk to me, what happened?” tom frantically asks, getting up from the bed and slipping his boxers on, rushing over to me and trying to place his hands in mine.

“what happened? what fucking happened?” i scoff, shaking my head at his stupidity, in complete disbelief of how someone can be so naive.

his eyes search mine, genuinely not understanding where any of this has come from. he nears me once again, but i take a step back, not wanting to be anywhere near him right now, taking his silence as an opportunity to carry on with my fit of rage.

“what happened is you made my boyfriend break up with me, and you don’t even care!” my voice is raised, just below a shout as his eyebrows furrow, expression now mirroring my rage, as he opens his mouth, ready to lash out on me as i had on him.

“i made him break up with you? are you fucking insane?” he lets out a frustrated laugh, tongue playing with his lip ring as he steps back.

“you answered the phone! i don’t know what shit you were trying to fucking pull, but this is your fault, don’t make me out to be the crazy one!” i shoot back, digging a finger into his chest as i point at him, done with his attempts to manipulate this entire situation.

“you’ve been cheating on him for the past three months! since when do you give a fuck about his feelings or your relationship? it couldn’t have been that fucking great if you felt the need to fuck me on the daily!” each word that falls from his lips pierce me in the chest, completely taken aback at his nerve. the second that my face falls, mouth opening with no sound coming from it, he knows that he has gone too far.

“wow.” i scoff, searching the room for the rest of my clothes. “that’s fucking low.”

“is it? ‘cause the last time i checked, you don’t fuck someone else whilst you’re in a relationship unless it’s gone to shit. stop acting like i’ve ruined something that actually mattered to you, like you had a perfect relationship. it takes two people to fuck, you’re no fucking saint.” he keeps going, knowing that he is getting to me, aware of the right buttons to press - and he is hitting every single one, scoffing when he sees my face fall, tears falling at a much faster pace.

i struggle to find the right words, stuck in place as i know that he is right. though he said it in the harshest way possible, i am no better than him, if anything, i am worse, tom not in a relationship like i was. and it is that realisation that kills me slowly, twisting the blade inside me as i stand silently, tears now cascading down my cheeks.

“thanks. if you were looking to make me feel worse than i already do then you’ve done a pretty good fucking job.” my voice is low as i refuse to meet his eyes, completely ashamed. i slip my hoodie over my frame, redressing myself as i begin to feel uncomfortable in such little clothing in front of him, the confidence that would usually surround me long gone.

his face softens once i walk towards the door, panic setting in as he rushes to stand in front of it, blocking my exit.

“fuck- i didn’t mean it like that. don’t go.” he pleads, his eyes sorry as they look into mine, searching for any hint that his subtle begging is working.

“why should i stay? so you can ridicule me even more? tell me how much of a slut i am? that i should feel guilty, and it’s all my fault?” i scoff, listing off the endless scenarios.

“why would i do that?” he asks, his voice now softer, the anger that previously dominated it long gone as he seems somewhat sorry for me.

i stay silent, partly intrigued to hear him continue, however also knowing that my tears are preventing me from producing coherent speech. he takes a step towards me, hand lightly brushing against mine as he takes a deep breath, opening his mouth to speak.

“wanna know why i hated him so much?” he asks.

the question had always lingered in the back of my mind. i knew, from the way tom’s face twisted in disgust the first time i told him i had a boyfriend, that he despised him, his hatred only growing each time i would mention him. he never said why, instead using his name to fuel his own desire, never failing to remind me that he could never fuck me that way tom would, always slipping his name into the conversation as some reminder that what i had with tom was far better than anything i had going on with my boyfriend.

i look upwards, my eyes meeting his, my gaze a silent nod of agreement to his question.

“i couldn’t stand the thought of him touching you, being around you, knowing that you belonged to him and not me. drove me fucking insane. i loved that i got to see a side of you he never did, i loved seeing you underneath me, because i knew that that was the only time you belonged to me.”

my eyebrows furrow, trying to understand what he is saying, confused on how it has taken this long for him to say all of this.

“i like you. since that night when we hooked up at the club, i couldn’t stop thinking about you. i tried, but somehow everything came back to you. and it killed me knowing that all i could do was fuck you, knowing that you’d never feel the same way, because of him. and i hated him for it, i still do, because all i could think about is you being in love with someone else, wishing just for one second you’d care about me the way you do him.”

he pours his heart out, lips staying parted once he finishes, trying to make out my thoughts from my facial expression. i give him nothing, only able to stand there in pure shock, not ever anticipating anything like this, especially from someone like tom. i knew his reputation, and i knew that i wasn’t the only girl he was fucking, but it had never mattered for me. it was wrong for me to be doing this with him in the first place - catching feelings would be on a whole new wavelength of immoral.

“say something, please.” he mutters, his voice desperate as my silence only lets his words linger, the atmosphere turning from tense to uneasy.

it may be rash, and admittedly, my mind is hazy from the entire situation, yet in this moment, i don’t care, and it is this impulse that brings me to press my lips against his, arms wrapping around his neck as i pull him closer. he quickly kisses back, hands running to my lower back as he smiles into it, something about his lips against mine igniting a spark that i had never felt before, and though it was wrong, it felt so right - it always had.

against all odds, against everything that was deemed morally correct, i need him, and though it took his unexpected confession for me to realise it, i am more sure than ever, holding onto him tighter and tighter as he does the same, pulling away and smiling against me.

“i hate how crazy you make me.” he mutters against my lips, his cold breath fanning against them. “but i don’t want it to stop.”

those are the final words he says before reconnecting our lips, carrying the unspoken promise that he means every part of it, the missing piece within me now found, finally realising that what i needed had been right in front of me the whole time.

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

#tom kaulitz #kaulitz #tokiohotel #tom kaulitz angst #tom kaulitz x reader #kaulitz twins #tom kaulitz fluff #tom kaulitz smut #tomkaulitz #bill kaulitz

[ynsvnte]

Between the space — Lee Heeseung

Genre: angst, friends to strangers, unrequited love, wc: 970 , warnings: crying, pairing: bsf!hee x gn!reader

Masterlist

Late at night, sitting down minding your own business. Just you lost in your thoughts, like usual. Your little bubble will burst when a voice speaks up.

“Hey what’s on your mind..?” The voice said you look up and see your best friend, Heeseung. You lower your head and speak.

“Nothing..just got distracted..” you said. He didn’t buy your words. Something was clearly wrong. “No. I don’t believe it.” Heeseung says as he sits right next to you. You look at heeseung before sighing. “Look I’m okay, don’t worry.” You spoke softly. “No yn, I know when you’re not okay. I’ve been your best friend for years.” ‘Yeah best friends…nothing more..’ you thought to yourself. “Yeah..but some things are better left unsaid..”

“And..what do you mean by that..?” Heeseung was now getting curious.. “Don’t worry about it, besides you wouldn’t want to know anyway.” Your words made him laugh, but still curious. He wanted to know what you meant by that. Unsaid?? What's the worst thing that happened..right.. Definitely what Heeseung but not you. Your relationship status wasn’t complicated. Maybe if heeseung..liked you..he did but in a friendly way.

Your feelings for him were strong, growing up with him for almost all your life. You gained feelings like most people would. Heeseung didn’t…or so you thought. Heeseung liked, LIKED. Teenager Heeseung had the fattest crush, but later he only saw you as a friend and not as a crush anymore. Of course he would never tell you that he had liked you. You on the other hand, those feelings never changed. Your younger self promised to always like him. Now..maybe you can’t keep that promise to younger you. You tried to move on before..but that was useless. Look at you now,.. so foolishly in love with someone you know that wouldn’t return those exact same feelings. That’s you’ve been trying to avoid him like the plague. The longer you were around. The more certain you would never lose feelings.

Heeseung has been very open about his love interest. A fellow classmate of his..you knew she was one of the prettiest girls you ever seen..and you can’t blame him for liking her.

“You know we haven’t been talking that much…” Heeseung spoke up. You only nodded your head, choosing not to verbally respond. “Is there any reason for that..?” He asked you. You only stared at the ground pretending to not hear him. You of course did. And heeseung also knew you heard him. “Look, don’t ignore me, I know you heard my question..” You became flushed.

“F-fine..there is but I rather not say..” you were slightly embarrassed..not wanting to expose your true feelings for him and ruining your friendship. “And why not..does it have to do with me..?” You could only nod your head. You hoped he wouldn’t ask more questions, but luck wasn’t on your side. “Did I do something wrong..?” No..no you didn’t, you wanted to tell him. But you couldn’t find the courage to actually tell him. You sighed and finally looked up, making eye contact.. “you did nothing wrong..more like I did..” You spoke..voice almost slightly cracking…

“What could you possibly have done wrong because all I know is that you're a good kid..” He wasn’t lying, you were never a troublemaker in school, just always decided to mind their own business. “It’s not that..heeseung it’s more complicated..” More complicated..? Heeseung was now confused.. he thought you were speaking nonsense at one point.

“Heeseung..look..I-i like you okay..and I know you don’t like me back..” Oh… you were still making eye contact with him..but soon enough your vision was becoming blurry. You were crying. Heeseung hated seeing you cry. It made him sad. But right now he was feeling shocked..more than sad. His childhood friend has a crush on him..he feels bad truthfully..for not being able to return to the same feelings..

‘C'mon please say something..’ you thought to yourself. You are already embarrassed by crying in front of him and knowing you would get rejected. Heeseung looked down for a quick second before speaking up. “Yn..I’m sorry..but yeah..I’m sorry..” heeseung was at a loss of words himself. He didn’t know what to say. You sob a bit harder making heeseung pull you into a hug, trying to comfort you. Just like the old days..when your young love existed, but that’s far too late.. and you’ll always blame yourself for it. You pull away from the hug and stand up..

“Don’t apologize I expected it..especially when you like y’know..” Heeseung only nodded his head at your words. “I wish it didn’t end this way..but I don’t think I can continue being friends with you..” your next sentence shocked heeseung. What do you mean? All of those years of your guy’s friendship is now being thrown out. “Huh? Yn please tell me you're joking.." Now Heeseung was close to crying. He may not have liked you in a romantic way but he still loved you and cared for you. You were his best friend and he couldn’t afford to lose you.

“I’m not..heeseung if i continue being friends with you my feelings are only going to grow stronger..then why did I try to avoid you..?” Your words made sense..you were avoiding him and now that he knows you try feelings about him. You only did it for his happiness, but you not being his friend anymore was not happy. Heeseung begged you. But you wouldn’t budge. You only apologized.

“Heeseung..I’m sorry..but thank you..I’ll still love you from afar of course..” and with that you walked away.

And that’s how the friendship ended…

Author’s note: I had trouble trying to figure out the main plot for this Drabble umm third-ish attempt at angst it sucks I know I promise to get better (I hope) anyways love you all mwah

© ynsvnte copyright 2024

#kflixnet #mari: works * #enha reactions #enhypen soft hours #enha x reader #enha fluff #enha imagines #enhypen niki #enhypen sunoo #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen crack #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fake texts #enhypen angst #enha smau #lee heeseung #lee heesung x reader #enhypen heeseung #heeseung headcanons #heeseung x reader #heeseung imagines #heeseung fluff #heeseung #enhypen smau

[littlemissaddict]

Just a little StevexFem!Reader something, not proofread and unedited.

I Told You So

“You've got to be kidding me!” Robin's voice echoes throughout the empty store as soon as the door closes behind the last customer.

“What have you done now?” Steve sighs from behind the counter as he tries to peer around the shelves to find where Robin's voice came from.

“Me? Nothing” she answers, finally revealing her location and moving, with purpose, to join Steve at the counter. “You on the other hand” she trails off as Steve scoffs.

“Me? What have I done other than doing what we are paid to do?” He defends, not liking that he's been blamed for something when he doesn't even know what that something is.

“Oh my god, I knew you were an idiot but I didn’t think you were blind as well” Robin groans dramatically and buries her head in her hands. Steve is even more confused now but he's starting to realise that this has to have nothing to do with work. “I swear you flirt with everyone girl that walks through that door but that girl,” Robin throws her arm in the direction of the door where said girl has not long since left, “That one girl who is so clearly into you, you have never even thrown a line her way” she explains but by the confused look still on Steve's face she can tell he has no idea who she is talking about until she says her name.

A look of recognition washes over Steve's face and finally she thinks he's realised but then a frown settles on his face. “I think you've gotten it mixed up Robs, she's not into me she's just friendly is all” he replies with a shake of his head. Sure Steve's desperate to find ‘the girl’ the one that he can love and who will love him back, the one who he can share a future with, a family with but the girl Robin is talking about is not her. Yes she's friendly, always greeting him with a smile, asking him how his day was or how his weekend had been but they were not signs that she was into him.

Robin feels like banging her head against a wall at how stupid Steve is being. “Really!?” She fixed him with a stare and he nodded in reply. “Okay so let's say she is just being friendly, why does she come in almost every shift that you're here?”

“She likes movies, me being here has nothing to do with it” he answers with a shrug.

Robin groans, “So when she comes in, she says hi to both of us, just being friendly but say she's browsing the films and I go over to ask if she wants any help you can guarantee her answer will be she's just looking” she sets up the scene for him, it's something she'd noticed after just a couple of visits to the store not that she's bothered by it but she just wishes Steve would do something to put the poor girl out of her misery. “However, if you go over and ask if she wants any help then the answer is always yes and she'll spend ages listening to your awful taste in movies and she'll always leave with one of the films you recommend” Robin adds, hoping that Steve will finally get it.

“I don't have awful taste in movies” he protests, thankful that the store is empty as he doesn’t want anyone else to have to listen to Robin's fantasy world. “And clearly it's just a case of right time right place” he responds in answer to her previous accusation.

Robin answers his stupidity with a groan of frustration, throwing her hands up in defeat. “Fine don't believe me but next time she's in and you're being your normal charming self, flirt a little and you'll see” she says, pushing herself from the counter and walking back towards the pile of movies she was sorting through before all this.

For the next week Steve had been scrutinising his every encounter with her because as much as he hated to admit he was wrong, Robin's words had stuck with him and while he wasn't getting his hopes up that a pretty girl was finally into him, he had started realise that Robin had been right and that she seemed to hang around and wait for him instead of Robin. So he'd had it planned, he was going to do as Robin said, he was going to flirt a little and see her reaction just to make sure.

As if on cue the door chime sounded and he looked up from the pile of videos he was scanning back into stock only to be greeted with her smile. Steve couldn't help but smile back, “If it isn't my favourite customer, what can we find for you today?” He asks, abandoning the tapes and making his way around the counter towards her. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Robin's head peek over the top of one of the racks from where she was returning already scanned tapes back to the shelves.

“Oh uh” she stumbled over her words and Steve wondered if it had been his ‘favourite customer’ quip or if she was just surprised by his forwardness today as usually she would browse the shelves for a bit before either he or Robin asked if she needed any help. “Um I'm not sure, what do you suggest” she covers her words with a small smile hoping it would distract from her earlier slip up of nerves.

“Well what do you fancy, action?”

She shakes her head.

“Horror?”

Another no. Steve had expected that though as he knew she didn't like them but he liked to tease.

“No I know, no tough guy to keep you safe while watching. Sci-fi?” He moved on as if it were nothing, like he hadn't just remembered something she'd said months ago, even if it was a joke, and that she wasn't short circuiting in front of him.

Another, albeit delayed shake of the head.

“How about a bit of romance?” He followed his words with suggestive raises of his eyebrows that had her stuttering out an ‘okay’ as she followed behind him towards the right section.

Steve was enjoying himself, it'd been a while since his attempts to flirt had received anything but a roll of the eyes or in some cases a giggle if they'd been after a bit on discount but he doesn’t think he'd managed to turn anyone into a stuttering mess. Maybe Robin was right and he was expecting a ‘told you so’ in the very near future but he was going to make it worth it, maybe get her to agree to a date before she left.

“Now this one I have been told, from a very credible source, is a classic” he played it up, reaching toward the shelf and pulling out The Princess Bride, “it tells the tale of a beautiful princess who falls for a simple farm boy, who is in search of employment and gets attacked by a pirate?” Steve stops a little confused by the synopsis of the film and as he hears a giggle he looks up to find it coming from her.

“Sounds like it has a bit of everything” she smiles, sounding more like her normal self than the stuttering mess Steve had made her with his unexpected flirting. “Ok you've convinced me, I'll take it” she adds, holding out her hand for the tape.

Steve moves to give her it before he seems to rethink pulling it back again. “Too late, I think it's already been rented,” he teases, a sad smile on his face, “so I guess you'll just have to come watch it with me” he adds notchantly as though it's an afterthought and not as if he'd planned it from the moment he realised that Robin was right.

“Well then I suppose that'll have to do” she tries to play it cool when really she's freaking out because Steve Harrington has practically just asked her on a date. “Friday night, your place?” She asks.

“Friday night, my place” he confirms with a nod. Problems, or in this case perks, of living in a small town everyone knew everyone's business including where they lived.

“I'll be seeing you then” she nods, the smile in full force on her face as she turns, heading towards the door but she stops before she exits. This time turning in the opposite direction, Robin's direction, and that's when Steve notices that Robin's still peeking over the shelves but she's quick to duck down as if she hadn't been watching the two of them. “bye Robin” she chuckles before actually leaving this time.

After the sound of the door closing and the footsteps retreating does Robin finally exit her hiding place. “You know Robin, if this works out then I owe you one” Steve smiles appreciatively at her as he places the tape on the counter ready to ring out.

“Yeah, yeah that's just what friends are for, just don't parade it in front of my lonely, single self” laughs with a shake of her head.

#steve harrington x reader fluff #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington drabble #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things

[thought--bubble]

It's a Rerun. But a damn good one

Billy Washington X (Ex Girlfriend Reader)

Warnings after the cut

Full Master list

Billy W. Master list

Banners by @arcielee

Warnings: Near death experience (I saved Billy, and I won't apologize for it🤣), smutty smut. (Sorry, but I would let Billy walk me like a dog 🤣)

Billy was a sweet guy. You couldn't deny that. It's probably the only reason you lasted as long as you did. But eventually, you just had to be realistic. This guy was going nowhere quickly. He had barely any drive and took no self responsibility. He was a slob and always found ways to blame the world, his family, or even you for his problems.

You had attempted to leave him multiple times, but every time, his tears and evident heartbreak were able to keep you stuck in place until finally, it wasn't enough.

The scene of those final moments still played through your head anytime you let your mind wander. Billy down on his knees in front of you, holding your hips lightly kissing your stomach, begging you not to leave. Promising that he would change, get better. Promises he had made a thousand times before but never could live up to. You still remember that final look back when you took that final step out of the door. Billy still on his knees arms hanging limply by his side head hanging down towards the floor sobbing. Outright sobbing. The memories of that scene are so painful that you try your best to avoid them at all costs.

Although you tried to ignore the nagging feeling in your chest over the following weeks, you couldn't help but wonder. Was he ok? Is he taking care of himself?

Then you heard about Cranstead and what almost happened to him there, and it took everything in your being not to reach out to him. To make sure he was ok, you were haunted by what you imagined to be something so terrifying and what it could have done to his already frail psyche. But you knew in your heart that reaching out to him now would not be helpful. The breakup was difficult, and you couldn't come in and out of his life. You were out of his life now, and it needed to stay that way.

Well, that was the plan anyway until a few months later, you end up on a night out with a few friends at the pub, and there he is with Lana. Smiling and clean cut, he hardly looks like that fragile messy man you had left behind.

You try to keep your head down so he doesn't see you, but your eyes are drawn to him repeatedly throughout the night. He seems to be having a good time with Lana and her coworkers. He has this sparkle to his eyes that had been long gone last you were with him.

You had become so enthralled with him at this point that your friend Sarah picks up on the fact that you are distracted and starts to look around until she spots Billy.

"Oh, im sorry, sweets, do you want us to go to a different pub?" She says quietly while reaching out to rub your hand.

This pulls you out of your trancelike state.

"Huh? What? No, it's fine. I'm fine. " You smile weakly at her.

She gives you a look that is plainly calling you on your bullshit but decides not to press you on it.

You pretend to engage in the conversation being held at your table. Your head angled towards your friends, nodding periodically as they tell some story. About something that isn't registering in your mind. While your eyes flit between Billy and the table, trying not to gain his attention.

Sarah is telling a story about how one of her coworkers is clearly into her but is annoying and short when Billy finally catches you staring at him. Your breath catches, and you immediately look back at Sarah pretending you didn't see him. Now you feel eyes on you. You want to look back up at him, but you're afraid that if you do, it will be his eyes staring back at you. But to your surprise, when you finally look up nearly 25 minutes later, he's gone.

You let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding in, your head a mix of relief and disappointment.

You lose interest quickly after that and bid your friends a goodnight feigning exhaustion. Or maybe it was true. Mentally and emotionally, you were drained. You step outside the pub, quickly placing an order for a rideshare.

"I was wondering how much longer it was gonna take before you came out ere," Billy says with a smirk leaning up against the wall outside the pub.

The sudden noise makes you jump.

"Oh!" You grab your chest attempting to bring down your heart rate.

"Oh cmon love. I'm not scary" he is still smiling taking a drag off his cigarette.

"Just surprised me is all," you say, slightly flustered.

He takes another deep drag off his smoke. " You waiting for your bloke to come pick ya up?"

"Rideshare," you say, slightly lifting up your phone.

" Don't take one of those things. Beautiful girl like you getting in a car with a random stranger..... lemme give you a ride"

"Oh..... no, that's ok they're already on the way.

"I insist. I'll be worried the rest of the night if I see you get into a strangers car. Come on. I got a new car. " he chuckles as he waves you over

You have an internal battle with yourself. This is a bad idea. Your rational brain knows that. But that smile he gives you does you in, and you follow him quickly, canceling your rideshare.

He walks ahead of you, taking a final drag of his cigarette and flicking it to the side.

"Isn't she beautiful?" He says gesturing toward a dark Grey Ford Focus.

"Yeah, looks brand new!" You say admiring the vehicle.

"She is" he looks back at you giving you a cheeky grin. "Got my life together, I have" he says this with a sense of pride.

"Oh?" You say while sliding into the passengers seat.

" Yeah" he plops into the driver's seat. "Almost getting blown up will do that to a man, puts things in perspective"

You inwardly cringe at the mention of what happened at cranstead.

"I'm really sorry I didn't call after-" he cuts you off

"Don't worry, love, I didn't expect you to. Loser ex-boyfriend turns terrorist patsy doesn't exactly have a lot of appeal" he chuckles.

"Ha" you fake laugh awkwardly.

"So where are you living now?" He asks, starting the car.

You look at him frozen

"I'm gonna need to know.... since I'm driving you home?" He looks at you with a half smile.

"Oh yeah, obviously," you press two fingers against your forehead. "I live with Ana, you remember where she lives?"

"Yeah. Your sister still hate my face?" He asks, still smiling

"She never hated your face. She's just... a little prickly. Like a thorn"

"Like a bloody cactus"

You laugh out loud at this. Your sister really was a hard person to get along with if you weren't already in her inner circle.

"How is it living with Ana? I can't imagine she's a morning person" he says laughing

"She's barely ever there. She got a boyfriend, and she's mostly at his place"

"Must be one tough lad" he says with a smirk as he taps his fingertips on the steering wheel.

"Must be." You can't help but watch his fingers tap tap tap on the steering wheel. You focus so intently on his fingers that his voice basically becomes background noise

"Love? Hello?"

"Huh?"

"This is your sister's building right?"

You look up and notice you are outside your building, you couldn't believe you were there already.

"Uhh yeah this is it"

"You ok? How much did you have to drink?" he asks one eyebrow raised

"Oh I'm fine not that much"

"Hmmm, nah, you seem out of it. I'm walking you up. Make sure you make it to your flat. " he turns the car off and starts to remove his seat belt.

"That's not necessary," you said, unbuckling your own seat belt and opening the door.

"Ahhhh, but I insist," he gives you another cheeky smile.

You can't help but blush at this new Billy. He looks the same, but he is different. There is no denying that.

"Oh alright," you walk into the building with him trailing behind.

"Second floor right?" He says from behind you

"Yep," you get to the stairs and start to walk up. You can feel him climbing the stairs directly behind you.

When you reach the door to your flat, the tension is thick as he leans against the doorframe, watching you put your key into the lock.

When you finally get the door open you step through and turn around. He's standing in the doorway hands in his pockets.

"Well ummm.... thank you for the ride" you say to him stumbling over your words.

"Uhhh yeah... yeah, no problem. " he looks at you with adoration in his eyes. "You take care darling" he turns to walk down the hallway

"Wait!" You say involuntarily. He stops and turns back to look at you.

"Would you like to come in for a cuppa?" You ask feeling stupid as soon as you say it.

He, however, was elated. "Yeah! Absolutely brilliant" He walks into the flat glancing around. "Been ages since I've been in here"

You move to the kitchen putting the kettle on.

"Do you have a new bloke?" He asks suddenly."You don't have to tell me, of course." He rubs the back of his neck

"No, I do not." You keep your eyes glued to the kettle.

"Knew it" Billy nearly whispers. He walks into the kitchen coming up behind you and wraps his arms around you.

"What are you doing?" You ask, lifting your arms up but not pushing him away.

"Taking back what's mine" he starts to bite and suck on your neck.

"Billy.... we can't"

"Cept we can." He continues biting your neck while simultaneously running his hands, palms flat down your waist & stomach and stopping at your hips. He grips your hips tight, fingernails pressing into the fabric of your dress. "You took care of me for so long. Let me take care of you"

You lean your head back against him, giving him more access to your neck, and he takes full advantage. Biting and sucking at your neck while his arm is wrapped tightly around your ribs.

He pushes himself up against you from behind, breathing heavily into your neck. "Do you even realize what you do to me?"

Your heart starts racing, and you squeeze your thighs together, attempting to ease some of the tension you feel building in your heat.

Billys hand slips from your hip down to the bottom of your dress. He grabs your thigh and starts rubbing his hand up and down. "Always with the God damned thigh highs. Enough to drive me mad. " he nearly growls in your ear. Sending a tingling sensation straight to your core.

He trails his hand up your thigh and over your heat covered by just the thin material of your thong. "Mmmm" he bites your neck while he starts to rub circles around your clit through your panties.

"Ahh" you breathe out.

Billy chuckles. "Yeah?" He moves your panties to the side, running his fingers through your folds and shutters. "Fuck." With his other hand he grabs your hips and pulls your ass tight against his groin and he starts to rut up against you. You can feel his hardness through his trousers up against your bum.

"So wet," he snarls into your ear as he slides a finger inside you.

You start to pant "fuck billy"

"Yeah, we'll get to that," he chuckles as he starts sliding his finger in and out at a quickening pace. "You have no idea how much I missed this pussy"

His words make you even more excited, and you start moving your hips against his hand and groin. He nibbles at your earlobe as he quickens his pace with his hand rutting up harshly against your bum.

He pushes you toward the kitchen counter and bends you over it, removing his hand. You whimper at the loss of sensation.

He chuckles. "Don't worry, baby, i got you," he says as he pushes your dress up over your ass and pulls your thong down to your knees. He stands back and looks at you in this position for a second "marvelous"

You can hear him unbuckle his belt, and your anticipation grows. It's been so long, and of all the things he was failing at when you were together, this was not one of them.

He grabs your hip with one hand and pumps himself 2 times with the other before rubbing the head of his cock between your folds "fuckin beautiful" he breaths out before slamming into you to the hilt grasping your hip tightly.

You gasp as he stills. "Fuck baby" he nearly whispers

you push against him, urging him to move. He snakes his arm around you bringing his fingers to your clit and rubbing it in circles as he starts to slide in and out of you

You mewl as your eyes roll back. He pounds into you at a punishing pace while rubbing your clit furiously. "Ahhhh fuck!" You yell as you feel your climax hurdling toward you.

"Yeah? You gonna cum for me? Come on, " Billy says between heavy pants.

Your entire body tenses as you are hit with a mind-blowing orgasm.

"Fuck! Baby, that's perfect" Billy says while fucking you through your climax.

You feel your body melt as you come down from your high and put all your weight against the counter.

Billy now grabs both of your hips and really starts to go fast and hard.

" fuck. This pussy's so good" he keeps one hand on your hip and runs his other hand up your spine until he reaches the back of your neck and grasps it holding you in place as he fucks you without mercy.

His breathing gets erratic and his pace fast and sloppy as your core begins to tighten again.

"You gonna give me another one?" He snakes his hand back to your clit rubbing in quick circles. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" You screech as you hurtle through another climax this time taking billy with you.

You feel that familiar warmth spread inside you and collapse, laying your face on the counter.

"Your still on your pills I hope?" Billy says breathlessly

You just give him a thumbs up unable to speak at the moment.

"I'm sorry, I know I wasn't good enough for you before"

You turn and look at him as he's tucking himself back into his pants. "Billy...."

"No, it's true. But I am now. I have a job I have purpose. The only thing I don't have is you. " he looks at you with pleading eyes.

"You have me. You've always had me, " you say, placing your hands on either side of his face

He hugs you tightly and kisses you on the top of your head.

"I finally have it all"

To be added to taglist click here

#billy washington smut #billy washington fanfiction #billy washington oneshot #billy washington x reader #billy washington #ewan mitchell verse #ewan nation #ewan mitchell #Billy Washington #ewanverse #ewan mitchell fanfic #Billy Washington X You #jess fics #my sad puppy bf

[negans-lucille-tblr]

My Worthless Love || Part Six (FIN)

Summary: At first, Dean can’t believe his luck that he gets to date a porn star, but soon the cracks start to show, and Dean gets to see a totally different side to the industry that bursts his bubble and leaves him torn. 

Rating: 18+

Part Tags: angst, mentions of breaching limits, self-disgust, shame, embarrassment, mentions of drug use, lack of self worth, major fluff, mentions of rape

Part WC: 2790

A/Ns: Hope you all enjoyed this flangsty mini!

My Worthless Love Masterlist || Find out how to get your own commission here

Your POV

All you can focus on is getting back to the bedroom you’d been using as a changing room. Tears flood your vision as you keep your eyes fixed on your feet, making sure you don’t trip in your rush to escape, your clothes are clutched tightly to your still-naked body. Finally, you see the bedroom door, and let out a shaky exhale, desperate for the privacy the room can give you. You throw the door open without wasting another second and quickly duck into the room. But before you can close the door, your eyes land on someone sitting on the bed, and as you look up you realise who it is. 

“Dean,” you choke out, attempting to compose yourself. You clear your throat, your heart racing in your chest. 

Your mind is spinning so quickly, you’re not even sure how you feel about the fact that he hasn’t left. When you’d glanced over to where he had been standing not long into the shoot and saw him missing, you’d assumed this was all too much and he’d gone. You’d assumed that maybe he couldn’t handle this after all and had left you. You wouldn’t have blamed him – you hate yourself for it too – and the idea was one of the very reasons you didn’t want him to come to set with you. But you’d trusted him when he insisted that he could handle it. 

“You’re still here?” you ask, confused. 

“Of course I am,” Dean smiles slightly. “I wasn’t about to leave you here, I wanted to be sure you were okay.” He rises to his feet and begins to approach you, and your entire body tenses. “Are you okay?” he pries, concern painting over his face in an instant. 

“Fine,” you lie, attempting to at least act it. “I’m fine,” you repeat, hoping to sound more convincing. 

“What’s that?” he asks, nodding to your left hand. You look down, seeing the rag that had been thrown your way once the cameras had stopped rolling and your grip around it tightens. 

“Just clean up,” you try to brush him off, hoping if you scrunch it hard enough in your grasp that he won’t see the mess inside. At the very thought, you also clench your thighs tighter together. “I should shower.” 

You attempt to move past him towards the en suite, but you feel Dean turn with you. 

“Wait,” he calls, placing a hand on your shoulder and stopping you in your tracks. You can feel the tears once again building at the backs of your eyes, and you’re not sure you can hold them in any longer. 

“What, Dean?” you snap, glaring at him. Dean frowns, clearly taken aback by your tone, and then swallows hard. “I’m sorry,” you relent with a sigh, “please just let me shower.” 

Dean silently releases you, nodding minutely, and so you turn and head into the bathroom, intent on having the water as hot as you can handle, scrubbing until your skin is raw and no trace of Nick is left. 

You emerge from the bathroom timidly, not even sure Dean will still be in the bedroom waiting for you. You wouldn’t blame him if he isn’t after the way you treated him when all he’d tried to do is show you some concern. But he is, sitting on the foot of the bed, his head hung low as he plays with his fingers in front of him. He lifts his head when he hears you coming, and the concern he’d looked at you with earlier is still very evident on his face. You’d thought you’d got all your tears out silently in the shower, drowned out by the water and the loud music you’d put on. But more creep in and threaten to leave, and you can’t have anyone looking at you in that way right now, it’s too much. 

 “Are you sure you’re okay?” Dean finally asks, watching you carefully. 

You don’t manage to speak this time, so you just nod, forcing a smile at him before turning your back as you begin rummaging through your bag of clothes for the clean ones you’d packed to change into. 

“How was the rest of the shoot?” he pries, clearly trying to make conversation. 

“The same as usual,” you half lie, not wanting to think about what had made you so upset in the first place. “You’d have known if you’d stayed,” you counter, hoping to distract yourself with the fact Dean had left instead. 

“You don’t think I wanted to leave, do you?” he asks, and you hear the mattress groan slightly as he stands up. 

“I don’t blame you,” you argue weakly. “I wouldn’t wanna see how little self respect my girlfriend has for herself if I were you, either.” 

“Wait,” Dean insists, once again reaching out for you and placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Look at me.” 

You drop the clothes in your hand back to your bag and slowly turn around, afraid to look directly in those green eyes, so you look down at your feet instead. 

“Sweetheart,” Dean prompts, curling a finger under your chin to lift your head and look at him. “I didn’t want to leave. Marv made me.” 

You wonder for a second if you even believe him, but then you think about how irritable Marv was growing every time you fucked up towards the start, and how distracted you’d been until you’d realised Dean was gone. It felt like you couldn’t fully let yourself get lost in your alter ego with him there, and no doubt it showed. So it would make sense for Marv to kick Dean out. The fact Dean didn’t want to leave at least brings you some comfort. Especially when you consider that it was probably a good thing he wasn’t there, especially towards the end. 

“Is that why you’re upset?” he pries, frowning. 

“Yeah,” you lie, turning around. “But it’s fine, I get it. You were totally distracting me. Marv hates mistakes,” you force a laugh, rummaging through your bag again just for something to do. Your eyes fall on the packet of valium Dean had caught you taking earlier, and you think about how much easier it would be if you took more – the whole lot, maybe. 

“So you’re not mad?” Dean checks, snapping you out of your thoughts. 

“No, I’m fine,” you laugh slightly. “I get it.” 

You think it’s finally over, and Dean is going to drop it, so you begin to get dressed, hoping that enough time will pass that you can start acting fine enough that you’ll even start to believe it again. But you can’t stop the shake in your hands, and Dean being so close makes you nervous. 

“What’s going on, baby?” Dean implores softly. 

Fuck, why can’t this guy be oblivious like the rest of them? Why can’t he just believe a fine, and drop it?!

“Nothing, Dean!” you shout, throwing your t-shirt onto the floor with a huff. 

“What happened?” Dean tries again, remaining calm. 

It’s no good, you can’t do it. 

You can’t turn around and face him, so you look down at your hands, your back to him as you finally come clean. 

“It was a bad shoot,” you tell him. Instantly you feel both of Dean’s hands squeeze your shoulders lovingly, and he wraps his arms around you from behind and kisses the back of your head. 

“Are they all this bad?”

“No, not like this,” you confess, your heart starting to beat a little harder and faster again. You’ve never had anyone to talk to about this stuff, you’re not even sure you know how to say it. 

“Talk to me, you can tell me anything,” Dean encourages you quietly, holding you tighter. 

You close your eyes and hold your breath for a moment, formulating the sentence in your mind. 

“They ignored one of my limits,” you admit, swallowing hard to keep the tears at bay after your confession. 

“What?” Dean asks, his body stiffening behind you. “Did you stop them? Did you say something?”

“There was no point, Dean. I’d already pissed Marv off enough, and I just wanted the shoot to be over.” 

“What limit was it?” Dean’s tone is now laced with anger, and you worry you’ve only been thrown out of the frying pan and into the fire. 

“He… he came inside me,” you explain weakly. “It’s fine, I’m not an idiot, I’m on birth control, I just don’t like doing it on camera.” 

“That’s not the fucking point,” Dean grunts, and you feel him slip away from you. “I’m going to fucking kill him.” 

You instantly turn and reach out to grab his arm, hoping to stop him in his tracks like he’d done you earlier. 

“Dean, don’t, please. You’re going to make it worse if you storm out there.” 

“I don’t fucking care! You think I’m gonna let him get away with this? And then make money off of it by putting the video online?!” 

You’ve never seen Dean like this before, and while part of you is honored he’s being so protective of you, you also fear what repercussions that’s going to have on you. 

“Dean, please,” you beg once more.

“We can’t let them get away with doing this, Y/N. How many other girls have they done this to, hm? How many more?” He clearly knows you well to speak to your empathy towards other girls like you. You sigh heavily. “Has this happened before?” 

You don’t want to give him that answer and add fuel to the fire so you purse your lips. 

“I’ll talk to my agent, let him handle it. It’s what I pay him for,” you try to reason. Dean clenches his jaw, but he doesn’t protest to your compromise, his body relaxing just a little. 

“Fine, but if that dick doesn’t do anything, I certainly will, and next time you won’t be able to stop me.” 

“Dick, you promised me that you were going to make sure he got my limits list,” you remind him, reaching up to pinch the bridge of your nose. 

You ignore your boyfriend who is glaring in your direction from the otherside of the couch, knowing that he’s not mad at you, he’s just been unable to keep some form of frown off of his face since the shoot the day before. 

“Who are we talking about again, sweetheart?” you hear Dick sigh, “you’re not my only client, you know, no matter how much you act like it.” 

“Nick,” you reply, ignoring his slight dig. “He goes by Lucifer, remember?” 

“Oh right, yeah,” Dick replies, though you can tell from the tone of his voice he doesn’t actually know who you’re talking about. 

“So what are you gonna do about it, Dick? He breached one of my limits,” you reiterate, starting to lose patience. 

“Listen, doll, I don’t know why you’re complaining, you got paid extra for it,” he laughs slightly. 

“That’s not the fuckin’ point, Dick,” you tell him through gritted teeth. “You’re my agent, you’re meant to make sure I’m safe at shoots like these, and when I’m not you’re meant to fight my corner. That’s what I pay you for. But if you’re not gonna do your fucking job then I might as well leave.” 

“Whoa, sweetheart, calm down, I’ll talk to the director, okay? See if he can maybe get you a bit more cash to make it worth it, hm?” 

“Jesus, no, it’s not about the money!” you shout, feeling like you’re going around in circles. “You know what? I’m done with you, I’ll find someone else.” 

You hang up on him before he can protest, tossing your cell down onto the coffee table in a huff before throwing yourself back onto the couch and covering your face with your hands, utterly frustrated. 

“Can I go fuck them up yet?” Dean grunts, and you peer past your hands to look at him, sighing heavily at the heavy glare still set on his face. 

“No, the last thing I need is you being arrested for assault,” you try to joke. 

It’s silent between you for a moment, until you hear Dean sigh heavily, and when you look over at him, that look of pure anger has dispersed from his gorgeous features, and now he just looks concerned. 

“Listen, Y/N,” he begins, clearing his throat and leaning forward on his elbows, playing with his fingers in front of him much like he’d done the day before. “I never wanted to be this guy, and I never wanted to say this… but the difference is, I’m actually saying it for your sake, not mine,” he explains. He pauses for a moment as a small frown pulls at your brow. “I think you should quit.” 

“Well I did just fire my asshole agent, so I guess I did,” you laugh slightly. “I’ll find a better one, one that treats me better,” you decide. 

“No, I mean… I think you should quit the entire industry.” 

“Oh.” 

You can’t find much more than that to say as you think about Dean’s words. At first you’re a little angry that he’d try to tell you what to do, like he’s got some sort of control over your life, but then you think about how he’d said he was saying it for your sake and not his. Does he really have your best interests at heart here? Or is he just using this as an excuse to dump all his jealousy and insecurities on you and make you quit?

“What Nick did to you wasn’t right… if anything it was borderline rape. I know he knew about your limits, he mentioned your list to me before the shoot. He knew you didn’t want that and he did it anyway,” Dean reveals, only making you feel worse about the whole thing. 

Not that you’re surprised by any means, but you’d tried to excuse it by convincing yourself it was Dick who fucked up and didn’t send your limits, and not Nick choosing to ignore them. While you don’t like Nick and had heard some rumours from other girls, you’d naively hoped he wasn’t as bad as people said, and working with him wouldn’t be a terrible idea; that maybe you’d be lucky. 

“And it’s not just what Nick did,” Dean goes on. “The way pretty much every guy in that place looked at you and treated you… it made me feel sick. You don’t deserve that, you’re worth more than that.” 

At Dean’s final comment you feel yourself breaking down, shaking your head in reluctance to accept that he might be right. 

“No, I’m not… this is it, Dean, this is what I’m good at… this is what I deserve,” you sob out, trying to make him realise it for himself. Until now, you hadn’t really wanted him to, hoping if he didn’t see how unworthy you were of his time and attention, you could keep it a little longer. 

“How can you say that?” Dean asks, sliding himself closer to you on the couch. “I don’t know who or what has made you feel like that, but they’re fucking wrong. You’re gorgeous, and you’re funny and smart, and you light up a room just being in it, and you’ve made me happier than I thought I could be. And none of that has anything to do with sex, because you’re more than that, darling.” 

You shake your head again, trying to block out his words, not wanting to believe them, because you’d convinced yourself of the opposite for so long. 

“Let me prove it to you, let me show you what you’re worthy of,” Dean implores, grabbing your hands in his. “Don’t quit for good if you don’t want to, but just take a break, let me try.” 

“I don’t deserve that,” you sniffle. “I don’t deserve so much of your time, Dean.” 

“Of course you do, you deserve every second of it,” he disagrees. “Y/N,” he sighs, making sure you’re looking at him. “Let me love you until you learn to love yourself.” 

You stare into his eyes, searching for sincerity and finding nothing but just that. He truly believes what he’s saying, even if you think he’s wrong. But you nod anyway, agreeing to his request, because what have you got to lose other than him? 

“Okay,” you finally vocalise. “You can try.”

The beam that lights up Dean’s face at least fills you with some comfort that maybe you’re doing the right thing after all. Especially with a guy like him. 

Please let me know what you think of this fic! Feedback is the fuel to writers' fires! My anon is on if you'd prefer to leave feedback anonymously!

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#my worthless love #dean x reader #mini series #dean winchester #smut #angst #fluff #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #negans-lucille-tblr

[astromechs]

can I get washing their hair for rebelcaptain? 🥺

fun fact, i received these two asks within about an hour of one another, so great minds really do think alike. anyway, since the other two were heavier, went with something really, really stupid for this one 💕 from this list; still accepting! (and this is now also available on ao3, just like the other fills)

“He does this on purpose,” Jyn grumbles, because she’s too fucking furious for more than a grumble. Well, that and she can’t exactly manage anything else in her current position, head tipped with water-soaked hair obscuring most of her field of vision, palm pressed flat against the shower wall to keep her steady after having to remain like that for so long, but her point still stands.

Could anyone really blame her for being furious? She knows fucking intent when she sees it. There’s no way that a droid with a self-professed “specialty” of strategic analysis hadn’t mapped out what her route around base would likely be today, and there’s no way that he hadn’t been ready with a whole fucking vat of oil in his stupid fucking mechanical hands to drop it over her at just the right fucking moment.

It’d been completely uncalled for, too. So what if she’d cut the power to Kay’s favorite docking port last week and forced him to spend an entire night cycle trapped next to that astromech he hates so much? That had hardly been worth this much torture — and she’ll probably never be able to wear that shirt or vest ever again; they’d practically had to be sliced off of her.

No, there’s a difference between justified retaliation and crossing a line, and Kay had passed that line by a fucking parsec, so he’s the one who’s clearly in the wrong here. That’s her position, and she’s sticking to it.

It’s a position that any reasonable person with sense would agree to, so it’s one that Cassian, logically, will.

But when the hands that have been messaging her scalp still and his response comes, it isn’t an agreement. No, instead, it’s, “He doesn’t mean it,” said in the tone she absolutely hates the most: the one that’s mildly neutral, that comes with the mask he puts on when she knows he doesn’t want to engage with something.

Fuck. For a brief amount of time, she’d actually managed to forget that the person who’s been standing in the shower with her for the past standard hour at least, helping her wash her hair, is the one who’d be the least fucking objective possible on this issue.

If she could turn around, she’d raise an eyebrow and give Cassian her best are you fucking kidding me stare, but since she can’t, she resigns herself to heaving a long, frustrated sigh, one she makes sure can be heard over the running water.

He doesn’t respond for a while, opting instead to continue with his task of rubbing another round of shampoo into her hair. If he were doing this for any other reason, it might feel nice — part of her has been halfway to thinking it at least three times over the past standard hour before she’s stopped herself, because even with the difficulty of what he he’s had to work with, he’s never been too harsh with his touch — but he’s not here for those reasons, and so his silence is annoying. HIs silence leaves her no choice except to try for the sigh again, and really mean it this time.

Eventually, after that, he speaks up again, with a sigh that’s almost as heavy as hers. “I’ll tell him to call it off.”

Finally. Had that been so fucking hard?

To her credit, and she really tries for this, she does her best to leave out that sentiment when she tells him:  “That’s all I’m asking —”

“ — If you also call it off.”

Seriously? Her first instinct is to roll her eyes, which she does, and then her next is to open her mouth for a counterargument, which she also does, only nothing comes out of it. Because maybe, just maybe, she can concede that she’d crossed a line, too, and had provoked something that hadn’t really been worth provoking. It’s just been so quiet, and when things are too quiet, she turns twitchy and restless, and —

She can swallow her pride, even if it means doing so while gritting her teeth.

“Fine.” She guesses she should probably sound less like she’s gritting her teeth, though, so before she elaborates, she takes a beat. “I’ll leave his stupid docking port alone. Will that make him happy?”

Pressed against her, she can feel Cassian lift one shoulder in a shrug. “Happy enough.”

Because she knows him, Jyn can tell, just from his voice, that the beginnings of that stupid smug smirk he likes to flash at her sometimes are there, forming.

Only the shower wall will see, but she scrunches her face and glowers at it with everything she has.

“Fuck you,” she says, though, despite her efforts, she doesn’t manage to inject any real heat into it. “I heard that.”

“Heard what?”

She thinks: she should be annoyed; she should curl her free hand into a fist so that it’ll be ready to give him a nice, solid punch when her position allows. But the thought is gone almost as soon as it surfaces, because — suddenly, in spite of everything, a laugh bursts out of her. A genuine, full-bodied laugh that has her hand shaking against the wall while still trying to hold flat for support, her side stitching, and her breath wheezing.

Behind her, she can hear Cassian joining in earnest, his composure crumbling alongside his current attempt to massage her scalp. His laugh is softer than hers, still trying to find its footing after what has to be years of rust, but it’s undeniable.

Understandably undeniable, because this whole situation really is fucking absurd, isn’t it?

They don’t get many moments like this, but even so, they’ve had more of them together than Jyn can remember having for most of her life before they’d ever met — and it’s a good feeling when they happen. Warm, easy. Safe. The last of the tension she’d been carrying washes away with the water.

And after her laughter subsides and she’s blinked the tears from her eyes, she closes them, relaxing, for the moment, into what she can.

#rebelcaptain #jyn erso #cassian andor #* fic #* prompt fic #simple acts between lovers prompts #asks #andorerso #anonymous #i'm so tired tonight but i still wanted to write something fdjskj

[rayshippouuchiha]

Great! You watched it so that means I don’t have to hold back! Mwahahaha you activated my hidden trapcard 😈

Jk jk but anyway LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR RIGHT??

Like, first they HAD to reinvent the whole Bible Genesis story to make him as freaking sympathetic as possible. I mean, a little dreamer whose ideas were dismissed? Who falls in love with a woman because he admired her “fierce independence”, then freaking gifts humanity in general and Eve in particular with FREE WILL? (I have so many headcanons about them btw; Adam being the way he is I think he and Lilith wanted Eve to have the chance to make decisions regarding her own body, relationship, and future that a life under Adam’s thumb as heaven had inteded would’ve denied her. I think they were very good friends once upon a time., and it kills me that we never see Eve again. Did she blame them for being kicked out of Eden? Or was she grateful to them? I’d love to know, I hope we see her next time). That’s all so freaking good already as a backstory, but then they add this:

At this moment my mind just, imploded with the implications. He gifted humanity with free will presumably because, as a joyous dreamer, he had firmly believed that they would create wonderful things and bring about a better world if they were allowed to think for themselves, but gradually over hundreds and thousands of years seeing only the absolute worst that humanity had to offer he seems to think that it was a mistake, and that’s so sad 🥺 He never got to see the good that came from his actions and became depressed as a consequence, probably blaming himself a bit for every ill-action and sin committed.

I was already primed to love him after that backstory right? But then they imply that he’s a neglectful, distant father to Charlie and she is such a good, pure girl that I started thinking maybe I was wrong to start liking him, maybe there was something off about him that the intro had left out since it was Charlie telling her parent’s story. But then we meet him and he’s just:

A cute, awkward little man? One who clearly loves his family to death if the ring still on his finger (after SEVEN FREAKING YEARS OF ABSCENCE, dear god) and the multiple, gigantic family portraits strewn about his room say anything?

Also, he seems like 2 steps away from an anxiety attack at any given time, especially when asked to speak over the phone. He just like me fr fr

And that, along with the fact that he says “this is the first time she’s called you in YEARS”, and that he seems so freaking happy and excited at even the insinuation that she wants to spend time with him,

Leads me to believe that his absence from Charlie’s life was caused by a mutual misunderstanding born of a similar thought process (namely “what if I’m bothering them? What if they think I’m annoying by calling when I don’t need anything? I should wait until I have a good reason to call, or until they call me”) or willfully by someone (Lilith does seem to take Charlie away from her father awfully quick during that one flashback, right? It’s not just me?). I mean, ^that’s not the face of a father who wants to stay away from his daughter because she reminds him of her mom, or even the face of a father who stayed away on purpose for some time and is now willing to reconnect. That looks more to me like the face of someone who has been eagerly awaiting even a single hint that he’s wanted before daring to appear before his daughter, and has now finally been given that chance after a long time and is ECSTATIC. And even then, it seems that even through his self-deprecation and depression he does do his best to reach out, at least more frequently than Charlie does (he called her 5 months ago, she hadn’t called in years, etc etc).

And then he gets to the hotel and he’s so small and cute and awkward and good with animals and I thought I couldn’t love him any more than I already did but I COULD. HOW DID THEY MAKE A CHARACTER SO APPEALING TO ME SPECIFICALLY THIS IS UNFAIR

Which leads me to my other big headcanon: I firmly believe Lucifer tried to get to know sinners in the beginning, and that he tried some kind of “redeem sinners” effort at some point, just like Charlie’s doing - Perhaps for hundreds of years. But he failed, time and time again, until his dreams were absolutely crushed and he ended up giving up on them for good. I mean, those lines:

“You invite people in and offer them everything and they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep. It doesn’t matter how well-intentioned you are. They’re always gonna disappoint you!”

“Sinners are violent psychopaths hellbent on causing as much pain and destruction as they can. There’s really no point in trying”

^They all sound not like something he’s saying to rub it in Charlie’s face that he was right (which would be cruel and out of character for someone who seems to love his daughter so much), but more like a cautionary tale coming from a deeply ingrained experience, or like things he’s repeatedly told himself before.

And then during More Than Anything he says this:

“You didn’t know that when I tried this all before *gestures around him with his arms as if gesturing towards the hotel as a whole* my dreams were too hard to defend”

That just cemented that belief for me.

On another note, MORE THAN ANYTHING IS SO FREAKING GOOD?? I CRY EVERY TIME GODDAMMIT AFTER THAT SONG I WENT FROM “AW I LOVE THIS LITTLE MAN” TO “I’D DIE FOR HIM, IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM I’LL KILL EVERYONE IN THE ROOM AND THEN MYSELF”. HE’S JUST So- asfgctrdhfdg

AND I HAVEN!T EVEN TALKED ABOUT HOW BADASS HE IS FIGHTING ADAM OR HOW CUTE AND SWEET HE WAS COMFORTING CHARLIE DURING THE FINALE LOOK AT HIMMM

Or about Radioapple (aka DuckieDeer lol), the ship that has had me in a fucking chokehold since I watched episode 5. There are so many things I love about it that I’d need like 3 whole pages to explain but for now have all this absolutely fantastic fanart instead ❤️

Once again thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Btw any thoughts on Radioapple?

Oh oh Lucifer is such an interesting character and he absolutely makes me eager to see and learn more about the verse and the finer points of what is/has happened in it.

Personally, RadioDust grabbed me by the heart more than anything, since Alastor is my favorite with Angel Dust as a close second, but I do hands down see the appeal of Radioapple.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #RayRambles

[mx-metronome]

Meditations on Eden 3

I talk a lot about moths. Eye of Eden spoilers under the cut, naturally

I used to make the pilgrimage much more often. All 63. Once a week. I hammered out the ascended candles I needed to purchase every single wing buff. Then all the Elder Masks when they were first introduced. But now? Now Eden provides no tangible currency that means anything to me. There’s only one reward for me left of any significance:

I go for the moths.

I was a very independent moth, veterans never had the opportunity to guide me. Perhaps it was because they turned their nose up at me, a greenhorn, a nuisance. Perhaps it was simply because I never sat still long enough to let them help me. At this point, it isn’t my business to know.

I remember my first ascension. I remember large swaths of sky kids traveling up the mountain together, not even giving me a passing glance. I tried to follow their footsteps but they were much too fast.

I didn’t struggle with the krill, but I did struggle with the flying rocks. I knew there was a rhythm to them, I didn’t know that there were places you could take cover. Lost plenty of winged light to the rocks.

The final hallway was where I lost the most wings. The rocks would knock me down and while I was on the ground the krill would pour salt on the wound. That was frustration unlike any other kind. The mass of winged light inside the hallway soothed me a little bit, but I was still angry. The only thing that could quench my ire were answers, purpose, anything. I needed to see what was at the end of the road that would make this entire struggle worth it.

Inside the Stormlock, it didn’t take me very long to figure out what I was meant to do. My winged light count was falling, both by flying stones and by self sacrifice. The truth of my inevitable death sank in very quickly, so I rushed to do the best I could before I hit 0 and the darkness took me.

I did all of this alone. And I often wonder how much more efficient about it I would’ve been, how much more or less impactful it would’ve been, had I had a companion with me.

So three years later, long after ascended candles have stopped meaning anything to me, I still go.

I go for the moths.

Eden is dark and scary, it scars and scathes and tries to beat down your hopes and your innocence. But it’s a lot less scary when you have a friend with you.

Every time I ascend now - every time - I meet a newer player on the way up and look after them as we both march to the end. Most quickly learn to cling to me, follow in my footsteps, and I always trek slowly enough that they can keep up. I can keep them safe, for a time.

But I can’t tell them. Without unlocking the chat function on the friendship tree, no combination of emotes on my part could ever convey to them that they are going to die. They simply and blindly trust me that we will be okay in the end, that whatever is happening is for the best, that I’m leading them to someplace nice.

It’s like leading an innocent lamb to slaughter.

After the death, after the heavenly flight back to the Womb, after the rebirth back into the kingdom of Sky, I like to think everything makes sense to those poor moths afterwards. Like they attained this enlightenment by my actions alone and all of this was as intended. If they hadn’t, I like to think that seeing the credits roll, or suddenly seeing seasonal spirits in the familiar realms, or advancing the Aviary quests would clue them in.

On rare occasions I’ll get the opportunity to continue to bond with them, even after I sentenced them to death. After all, they trusted me this much with their life, and I clearly know what I’m doing.

But usually I don’t get that chance.

I go for the moths,

but a lot of the time, the moths don’t come back for me.

I can’t say I blame them too much.

#sky children of the light #sky cotl #thatskygame #sky spoilers #eden spoilers #meditations on Eden #I’ve been making a lot of back to back runs lately #and every time I’ve adopted moths on the way up #recently one of them returned to me and introduced themselves #and now we’re SUPER tight #they’ve chosen me as their vet and that is not a title I take lightly #they’re like a little sibling now #I will show them everything

[blushweddinggowns]

Part two to this from this fic!

It wasn’t a good call to be driving, he was well aware, but he didn’t exactly have a choice. When he’s far enough from the house, he had the wherewithal to pull over in an attempt to collect himself a little. He looked at his reflection through the rearview mirror, cringing at what he saw. He looked like shit. He’d really done a number on him, worse than any time before. At least when he was younger he’d had the self control to hit or cut him in places that people couldn’t see. 

Oh god, Eddie was going to see him looking like this.

The thought was almost enough to make him cry. He didn’t want Eddie to know about this. He never wanted him to know. There’s only so much shit you can put onto another person before they get sick of you right? And Steve was already a lot to deal with. He knew that. 

He was clingy as all hell, always monopolizing his time and inviting himself whenever he went out. He had random, horrible screaming night terrors about the fucking Upside Down, nightmares that Eddie would have to comfort him from. He was stubborn, he was bitchy, and now what? Eddie had to play as his personal nursemaid on top of all of that?

A large part of him didn’t want to go back. He wanted to hide away, fix himself up and maybe find him the next day, like about a car accident or something. Anything but forcing him to take care of him. He was so fucking scared that Eddie was going to leave him. He’d always been scared of it, always waiting for the day he realized he could do better than being with his dumb, damaged ass. What if this was the straw that broke the camel’s back? What if this made him finally realize that Steve wasn’t worth all the trouble?

The adrenaline was wearing off, and the pain was really starting to set in. He was hurt worse than he thought, and he was getting dizzier by the second. He started driving again, at a snail’s pace, terrified that he’d crash and hurt someone if he wasn’t careful. 

He went back to the apartment, despite his fears. It’s not like he had anywhere else to go. Besides, he was losing the thread of coherent thought concerningly fast. He needed some kind of help, as loath as he was to admit it. He…he needed Eddie.

By the time he pulled up the building he was barely hanging on to being conscious. He felt horrible, horrible enough that he couldn’t even get out of the car right. He stumbled to the ground the second he tried to stand, because why not add a little bit more humiliation to the pile? 

He didn’t even have time to try again before Eddie was scooping him up in his arms. Steve didn’t even know where he’d come from, but his touch was enough to have him relaxing in his arms. They’d only been separated for a few hours, but to Steve it might as well have been weeks. Eddie carried him back inside, gently setting him on the couch while he looked him up and down, clearly panicked.

Steve’s pretty sure he asked him a question, but he couldn’t quite catch it. But it was an opening for him to at least apologize, “I’m sorry I’m late. It didn’t go so good.”

Eddie was taking the jacket off for him, gasping when he saw the glass in his arms. Steve had forgotten about that part. Most of his focus was on the blinding pain he had in his head. But he had enough wherewithal to realize he was about to ruin their couch.

He tried to sit up, muttering, “I’ll get blood on the couch.”

But Eddie was already pushing him back down, hissing, “I don’t give a shit about the couch Steve.” 

He ran a hand over his face, obviously annoyed and Steve couldn’t blame him. He wouldn’t want to deal with him either. 

Eddie stood,“Wait here sweetheart, and keep your eyes open, okay? I’ll be right back. Just let me take care of you.”

Steve nodded, but the second Eddie was out of sight he was back on his feet, spreading a blanket down beneath him. He had already ruined their night, he didn’t need to ruin their furniture either. Eddie was back in less than a minute, and the look he gave Steve at the sight of him standing was enough to have him sitting right back down, guilty as hell. 

His head was still killing him, bad enough that he could barely pay attention as Eddie tended to him. 

“What hurts the most, baby?” Eddie asked, hands shaking as he tweezed the glass from his arms, “I need you to tell me.”

“Head,” Steve mumbled. He could barely even focus on the pain in his arms, and Steve couldn’t help but wonder how many more hits to the head he could take and come out okay, “Feels like it’s burning.”

“Steve, I think we need to take you to a hospital-”

“No.” Steve may have felt like his head was splitting open but he wasn’t going anywhere. This whole thing was embarrassing enough, and he just…wanted Eddie. That’s it. He couldn’t deal with anyone else seeing him like this. 

Eddie stared at him, mouth hanging open like he couldn’t believe his audacity,“Why the hell not?”

"I don’t…I don't want everyone to know, okay?” He admitted, squeezing his eyes shut. He was so sick of this shit. He was so sick of being hurt, forcing other people to take care of him. He was sick of people knowing how useless he really was, “Not yet. I just want you."

"But-"

“Eddie, please?” He wasn’t above begging at this point. He wasn’t sure what he needed, and yeah, maybe he was risking his health, but what else was new? He just wanted to go to bed already and pretend like none of this shit ever happened.

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, conceding, “Okay, okay. Just stay right here, and keep your eyes open, got it? I’ll be right back.”

Eddie kissed his forehead before leaving the room, ignoring his soft comments about being sweaty and gross. Steve watched him go, beyond thankful that he was letting him get away with it. He kept his eyes open like he was told, staring up at the ceiling while he waited for him to come back. He still couldn’t really think straight, nothing was really sticking beyond his own self-loathing but he at least managed to stay conscious.

Eddie came back a few minutes later, taking a seat on the floor next to him before giving his hand a squeeze,“Wayne and Mindy are coming over in a bit, okay? Someone has to check on you.”

Great. Now he ruined Eddie's night and Wayne’s. And now he was dragging his poor girlfriend into it? Steve started to protest, but one look at Eddie’s unamused face shut him up. He looked away, muttering,  “I forgot she was a nurse.”

“If she says you need to go to the hospital, you’re going.”

Steve sighed, “Okay.”

There was no point in arguing. Eddie would literally drag him there if he had to. Besides, Steve didn’t want to fight anymore, not with anyone. Steve let his eyes close, playing with the rings on Eddie’s hand every so often to prove that he was awake. He knew he was waiting for some kind of explanation, but he didn’t even know where to start. He didn’t want to start. He just wanted to go back to a few hours ago, back to when they were cuddling on the couch and nothing was wrong. 

Eddie broke the silence first, voice leaving no room for argument,“You’re not going back there. Ever. I'm never letting you out of my sight again.”

Steve laughed despite himself, wincing when it made his lip bleed a bit more. But still…it made him feel a bit better, knowing that Eddie was scared for him, as sick as that was. 

“I, um, can’t go back there, actually.” Steve admitted, eyes still shut, “They said it was you or them. I chose you and,” he chuckled, humorless, “And they did not take it well.”

“They know?”

Steve nodded, “They told me on the phone, said they knew what I was up to, that I owed them an explanation.”

“How?”

Steve shrugged, regretting it instantly. Jesus even that hurt, like he couldn’t feel more pathetic, “Tommy, I guess. He called them, sat down with them or something. Worried about my life choices or some shit.”

Steve startled a bit when cold hands were suddenly cradling his face. He opened his eyes, resigned when Eddie carefully forced him to meet his eyes. He looked so…sad. It made Steve’s heart clench in his chest. He hated that he was the reason for that expression,"Stevie…baby, why did you go?”

Steve could feel tears start to well in his eyes. He hated this. He hated this so damn much. He hated that he had to explain that his dad was a fucking psycho. That he had been terrified of Eddie getting hurt. That he never told him the truth, and risked his safety just because he was a coward.

He went to bite his lip, a nervous reflex before flinching, quickly realizing what a mistake that was,“If I didn’t go he would have shown up here. A-and I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I could talk them down or something, or just lie my way through it but…I couldn’t.” 

“How many times have they done this before?”

Steve went for the lie on instinct,“They haven’t-”

“Sweetheart, please don’t lie to me,” Eddie wiped away some of the tears from his good eye, lovingly patient as he waited for Steve to speak.

There was no point in lying about it anymore. There was nothing to protect, not his parents or his own dignity. He took a deep breath before closing his eyes, admitting the truth out loud for the first time in his life, “I’ve lost count.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

"I didn't want to scare you away," Steve said, painfully honest. But he was done with the lies, no matter how much the truth scared him. Eddie deserved that at least. 

He could hear the confusion in his voice, “What does that mean?”

The tears were really starting to fall now, and they fucking hurt, the salt stinging the cuts on his face. But he powered through. He needed to say this,“I-I know I’m already a lot okay? I’m clingy and annoying a-and I fucking scream and shit in the middle of the night and I just didn’t want to add another thing for you to have to deal with.”

Steve opened his eyes, heart breaking at Eddie’s devastated expression. Eddie swallowed, tears welling up in his own eyes, "There is nothing that would ever make me not want you, I'll always love you, don't you know that?"

The fucked up part that was he did know that and Eddie proved it to him every damn day.. His favorite catchphrase was sweetly calling Steve his first and last love for god’s sake. He knew he wanted a life with them together, he knew that he adored him, flaws and all. But it only took one shitty meeting with his parents to make him doubt every good thing in his life. 

"I-I do, really,” Steve admitted, ashamed at his own doubt. He could barely see Eddie anymore over the cloudiness from his tears, but he was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one crying, “I just...I don't know. I should have told you." 

He could hear the sound of Wayne’s truck pulling into the driveway, footsteps not too far behind. Eddie kissed the side of his mouth as lightly as he could before standing to let them inside, while Steve tried to wipe the tears away. Mindy made quick work of tending to him, shushing him everytime Steve tried to apologize for wasting her time. She really was a good person, perfect for someone as kind as Wayne. 

"You can stay home tonight," she finally declared to Steve, gesturing Eddie over, "You just need lots and lots of rest. Give those ribs a chance to heal a good while before you do anything strenuous. Now let's help get you to bed.”

"Thank you," Steve mumbled as Eddie scooped him up. Now that he had gotten the go-ahead to sleep, Steve’s eyes kept slipping closed on their own accord. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he really was. He was too tired to even fight the embarrassment of Eddie carrying him to bed like a kid in front of people, too grateful to try and seriously protest. 

Eddie set him down on the bed carefully, and then helped him change into clean clothes, ignoring the weak protests that he could do it himself. He already felt better, just being back in their bed. But there was still one more worry in the back of his mind. 

“Please don’t go after him,” Steve mumbled when Eddie got him under the covers, "Promise me?"

Eddie hesitated, "But-"

"It's not about them," Steve rushed out, shaking his head. If Eddie could get away with mainiming his dad then he’d let him, but Daniel Harrington was a rich, litigious piece of shit. The risk of something bad happening to Eddie would never be worth any kind of petty revenge,  "Getting arrested isn't worth it. Losing you isn't worth it. Swear?”

“I swear.”

"Thank you," Steve whispered, finally letting himself fall asleep, "I love you."

He could feel the wet press of Eddie’s lips to his forehead, and then he was out, nearly instantly asleep after his final fear had been expunged. He only managed to be down for an hour or less before he was blinking his eyes back open. 

His head felt a bit better. But his body was still hurting like a bitch. He could officially feel the broken ribs, which was not a good feeling. But what was worse was that Eddie wasn’t lying next to him. He pulled himself out of bed, ignoring his body's screaming protests to stay put. Slowly, he wandered out into the living room, frowning when Eddie wasn’t there either.  

Wayne was on the couch, watching tv with a beer in hand. He raised a brow at the sight of Steve standing there, “Why on earth are you out of bed?”

Steve shrugged, sitting down next to him, ignoring the question,“Where’s Eddie?”

“Out,” Wayne said vaguely, “But he’ll be back soon.”

Steve could feel his stomach drop,“He’s not doing anything stupid is he?”

“I didn’t say that. But he’s not going after your parents if that’s what you’re thinking.”

That…almost helped. Steve wanted to believe him. He did, but Eddie was nearly suicidally protective of him if the shit that happened with the Upside Down last year was anything to go by, “I’ll believe it when I see him.”

Wayne shrugged, pretending to turn back to the television. But Steve could feel him watching him from the corner of his eye. They sat in awkward silence and Steve hated that he was the cause of it. Usually, nothing between him and Wayne was awkward. It was kind of their thing, the fact that they got along so bizarrely well. Maybe it was the shared love of sports, or maybe it was their shared love of Eddie, but they just clicked.

But now he could barely look at him. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve said eventually, anything to fill the suffocating silence. It was a reflex, to just apologize. Even when Steve didn’t 100 percent know what it was for. 

Wayne stared at him, brow furrowed, “What on earth do you have to be sorry for?”

“For ruining your night?” He tried, cringing when it came out as more of a question. 

"Jesus christ, no wonder Eddie gets so pissed when it comes to you."

“I’m sorry-”

“For the love of God don’t apologize again,” Wayne groaned. He was pinching the bridge of his nose, annoyed to a level that Steve had never seen before, “What did you do to me huh? You got the shit beat out of you and you think that warrants saying sorry to me?”

“...yes?”

“God, maybe I should have let him go after your dad. Steve, listen to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. And us wanting to take care of you isn’t something you need to be sorry for. We want to do it. You’re a good kid. No, you’re a great kid. And Eddie loves you to hell and back for good damn reason. But he’s not the only one, understand? You’re family now and that’s all there is to it. And family looks out for each other. So don’t you dare apologize to me again.”

Steve stared at him, eyes going wide. He knew Wayne cared about him, of course he did. Why else would he let him live under his roof rent free? But he just…underestimated how much. That seemed to be a constant issue with him, not understanding the extent that people cared for him. But his little speech felt like a proverbial slap to the face. In a loving, fatherly kind of way. 

For a second, Steve couldn't help but wonder how his life would have turned out if Wayne had been his dad. He probably would have been nicer, happier, and been able to skip that whole dick phase in highschool if he had had a single good role model. And if it wasn't for the fact that that would have made Eddie his cousin, he would give anything to have that childhood instead of the one he got. Though the idea of growing up with Eddie was definitely appealing. There was so much lost time they could have spent together, if only Steve had been able to get his head out of his ass and see the amazing person in front of him. It would have been great, fantastic even if his alternate universe could find a loophole for the whole incest side of things. 

But Steve was getting off track. He nodded at Wayne, throat closing up a little as he spoke, “Thank you. I…I love you too. You and Eddie are the best family I could have ever asked for.”

“Damn straight we are,” Wayne chuckled, taking a sip of his beer, “Took me nearly twenty years to get a son that knows what a quarterback is. You’re gonna be stuck with me for life.”

They talked for a bit longer before Wayne headed off to his room, stopping to hug Steve on the way out, as gently as humanly possible. He tried to convince him to go back to bed, but he just couldn’t. He wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep until he saw Eddie. Or at least got a call from Hopper that he was in custody for being an overprotective idiot. 

But he didn’t have to wait too much longer. Less than an hour later, the front door was opening, the sound of a thump and a grumbling Eddie felt like music to his ears. But as happy as Steve was to know he was safe, he was still pissed he had left in the first place. Eddie stopped in his tracks at the sight of Steve waiting for him on the couch.

He shrunk a little at his glare, meek when he asked, “What are you doing out of bed?””

He ignored the question,“What did you do?” 

“Nothing, I promise!” Eddie said quickly, hands up in a placating gesture, “You won’t be seeing my name plastered on any headlines. I just got your stuff.”

Steve stared at him, looking for any tells. Eddie didn’t know it, but he did this thing when he lied to him. He’d be a little bit more fidgety, either tapping his foot unconsciously or letting his brow twitch. But he passed inspection enough for Steve to finally relax. There were a lot worse things he could have done than break into his house to get his shit back. 

“Come here then,” Steve made grabby hands at him, impatient to just be near him already. 

Eddie went to him, hugging him to his side with careful hands, “How are you feeling baby?”

“Horrible,” Steve admitted. Literally everything hurt, but at least nothing hurt worse than before, “But not worse.” 

He cuddled up to his side, frowning at how tense Eddie felt. He was just about to ask what the problem was when Eddie spoke first, “I uh, kinda ran into your mom, while I was there.”

Steve went rigid in his arms, staring up at him with wide-eyes. 

"But nothing happened!" Eddie rushed out, flinching at the sight of Steve’s panicked face, "We just talked."

“Why would she want to talk to you?”

Eddie sighed, digging into his back pocket. He pulled out a folded envelope before hesitantly handing it over, “She wanted me to give this to you.”

Steve stared at it, taking it in shaky hands, “She gave it to you?”

"Wrote it out in front of me. She said, uh, that you deserved to know everything you were giving up.”

His mom-Steve stopped the thought in his tracks, shaking his head. She wasn’t his mom. A mother would never let happen what she let happen. She was just…someone who was going to stay in his past. But still, the paper in his hands was bizarre. Helen wasn’t the type to reach out. He thought she would act like she always did when things went bad, like nothing had ever happened. But this was new.

And Steve wanted no part in it. He frowned at the paper in his hand, an idea popping up in his head, "Help me up." 

“You’re not supposed to be moving-”

“Just to the kitchen,” Steve insisted, “I’ll lay down right after,”

Eddie gave in, helping Steve to his feet, He hovered as Steve steadied himself, following closely when Steve weakly walked towards the kitchen. He dug around in the drawers until he found a book of matches, then made his way over to the sink. Eddie watched, wide eyed as he lit a match, promptly setting the stupid thing on fire. 

"Steve-"

“It doesn't matter what it says," Steve cut in, letting it drop into the sink, "I made my choice."

And he made the right one. Whatever they had to say to him he didn’t care. He was done. He had a new family, a better family to worry about now. He turned away from the sink, stepping back into Eddie’s arms, “All I want is you.”

Eddie held him, trying his best to be gentle. Steve looked up at him, heart squeezing when he saw the tears in his eyes.

 "You won't regret it.” Eddie promised, voice hoarse, “I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you don't."

In all honesty, Eddie could dump him tomorrow and Steve still wouldn’t regret it. Every single happy moment he had with him was worth more than his entire childhood. But the idea of spending the rest of their lives together…now that was something he could get behind.

"It sounds like you're proposing," Steve said with a wet laugh. He giggled as Eddie started kissing his face, peppering all of the non bruised zones with light pecks. He felt light, he felt good, despite all the crap that had happened in the past twenty-four hours.

He felt loved.

"Maybe I am,” Eddie managed to gasp out in between kisses, “But only if you'd say yes." 

Steve stopped him when he circled back to his mouth, cupping his cheeks to press a light kiss to his lips, mindful of his own cut. He whispered into the small space between, like a secret just for them. Like everyone he knew didn’t know how quick Steve would agree to spending the rest of his life with him,  "I would."

#tw homophobia #tw violence #steddie fic #steddie ficlet #steddie #the perfect loving nightmare

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

The gilded age 02x08, In Terms of Winning and Losing, my thoughts...

Please excuse any spelling errors. My brain is sleepy so its not working too well. 😰

I'm still having feelings over last night season 2 finale. We can't say they didn't pack the episode until it nearly burst that's for sure.

I'm going start at the end because it still tickles me that Aunt Ada is now head of the Van Rhijn household. (They went omg free fall everything ending, to oh wait we're fine. One oh the fastest turn around ever). Which will now be known as Fronte household. Thank you, Mr. Bannister for pointing it out. Because truthfully I was clueless as every body else until he asked Aunt Ada if it ok. Than it all clicked... Omg Aunt Ada is now the big cheese! The look on her face was brilliant! In that moment we seen her take her power, completely imbody it. We clearly see her mind calculating on all the changes she's going to make. It one exceptional piece of acting from Cynthia Nixon. She doesn't utter a word during it, it's all in facial expressions and her body movements. It's just as powerful. She's so very talented!

Look on Aunt Agnes face made giggle as she realizes the role in her own house have reversed on her. That her little sister is now in charge. I don't mean in unkind way whatsoever. The relationship and dynamics between these two sisters have been certain ways for most likely all their lives up to this point, but now Aunt Agnes is going to have to listen to Aunt Ada in way is never did before. I personally think it's going to good for the whole household. Aunt Ada is kind and compassionate that will benefit everyone in that household especially Aunt Agnes.

I did love When Aunt Ada ask Marian if finally broke off her engagement with Dashiell, because she know he wasn't right for her. Lol it was too brilliant. I love Aunt Ada so much!!

So yes finally Marian broke off her engagement to Dashiell!! I cheered when that happened!! It's like damn woman took you long enough. But after he called her by his dead wife's name, creepy that was the last straw. No one can blame the man for still being in love with his dead wife. We all know that heart doesn't work that way, just because their no longer here doesn't make our love just stop. It's ultimately more to what Marian said, that their not well matched, they don't want the same things and their not in love with each other. I'm just glad she found her back bone and got out before it was too late.

I'm personally so happy about that kiss bewteen Marian and Larry, I was yelling kiss, kiss, kiss the whole time! I think their well matched in every way. Larry definitely be ok with Marian teaching or anything else she wants to do. Now thanks to Aunt Ada she won't come penniless to the whole thing because we know Aunt Ada won't allow that!! I'll put odds on it! Only issue as we all know may be Bertha. Perhaps not though so much with Larry, she does like Marian. We'll see... I did like the little scene bewteen Marian and Frances. I felt quite a bit of empathy for Frances, she was just a little girl looking for a mom. I'm glad Marian was able to reassure for her that she will still be very much in her life just not as her step-mother.

I'm so happy for Jack that he got his patent approved. It was such a brilliant idea of Peggy's that he go talk to Larry about it. That Larry wants to go into business with Jack on his alarm clock. Love it. It was so amazing what happen then.

Peggy deciding to leave her job at The Globe was probably the only way to deal with her feelings for her boss

I'm sad for her because she was doing something she loved. But he was just too casual about the whole cheating on my wife no doubt done more times then Peggy would of ever found out about. She deserves so much better. This also showed that she as alot of self respect, self worth, and self confidence. To not only not fall for his bs, but to walk away when she clearly had feelings but knew it was a bad situation for her. Women now a days can learn alot from her. I was also nice to see perhaps the rift bewteen Peggy and her father may be softening. That her mother and father are getting back to loving terms with each other.

I was very sad to see Mr. Watson go but to know that he'll be part of his daughter and grand children lives makes it a happy going. I'm glad his daughter let her wishes known and kinda defy he husband by going to talk to her dad.

Now the opera war. I never thought Bertha wouldn't pull it off. There's just something about that woman that scream WIN. I'm not surprised she got the Duke back, because she something or someone Mrs. Astor doesn't that alone I knew would enough to turn the Duke back to her side. That is Gladys of course. Now am I ok that's a good chance that Bertha sold Gladys into marriage with the Duke no I'm not! I love Bertha I truly do. However her own ambition I feel is an issue, it's a blinding thing, it's all consuming, it power over everything. I fear what that will do to her in future. Ambition can be good until it takes complete control of a person. Because the need to win, to be number one, to defeat those against you makes you forget about who truly loves you. I don't want to see that be the path for Bertha. Because at her core I don't believe she's her ambition. If she was she wouldn't of done the nice gesture for Mrs. Bruce by giving her the tickets to opening night of Met. Bertha does show incredible care and kindness to her staff. Which is something I truly love about her. Always the way she is with the people she's made friends with. Unlike Mrs. Astor who treats everyone like they should be kissing her ass. Bertha genuinely nice, kind, sweet and funny. So I want to her ambition hurt the rest of her, hurt her life, completely destroy her relationship with her daughter, her son and her husband. Because her ambition isn't worth losing her family that loves her. Alright enough said on that. To good stuff.

Seeing Mrs. Astor lose was brilliant! She at more than half empty Academy still trying to pretend everything's fine...while a death rattle could heard in the background. I wanted to tell Aunt Agnes and Oscar to get the fuck out of there, go with Mrs. Fish, save yourselves!!

Turner fuming was hilarious and her husband being completely over it just made all the better. I got feelings he just wanted to say to her could just sit down and shut it already damn for some peace and quiet. All day and night it's Mrs. Russell this and Mrs. Russell that. Should never marry you fuck!

I loved both Bertha and Gladys gowns. The colors were beautiful. Especially like how the colors deep green pattern against lighter green of Bertha's made her stand out in her box at Met, couldn't miss her if you wanted too. Marian gown was very cool I really liked ruching by shoulders and neck. But I think my favorite gown belonged to Aurora, blue and white and sparkly it was gorgeous. That's one I would've wanted to wear.

I so did love seeing Bertha get her moment, she was floating on air there. Especially when she walk through the doors of her central box after nearly crying because George got back for her. To the whole of the Metropolitan filled. Although the boxes where bigger then I thought they be. All I could recall was when I watched The Age of Innocent because that begins at the opera, it's very much in a similar time frame as The Gilded Age. But I like the ones at the Met better, they can call over and talk to each other like friends do. It seems less stuffy and more social and fun. One of my favorite moments was when Bertha caught sight of Mrs. Bruce and Mr. Baudin and gives them a little wave, it was so cute and endearing.

Mrs. Bruce was very cute through out being at an opera house for the first time.

I'm so sad it's the final episode of the season. All I know is HBO better renew for 3rd season!! Because it's official my favorite series, I don't want it going anywhere for a long long time!!

#the gilded age #02x08 #in terms of winner and losing #the gilded age season 2 final #my thoughts #tga #bertha russell #george russell #gladys russell #larry russell #marian brook #ada brook #agnes van rhijn #oscar van rhijn #dashiell montgomery #peggy scott #mrs astor #aurora fane #mrs fish #mrs bruce #mr baudin #mr watson #jack trattor