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hyacinthian-chateau · 1 year

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Please, (I Need You to) Marry Me!

--Your inheritance is at stake and there are too many suitors lining up at your door....But good thing you find the perfect conspirator!

Character: Zhongli (ft. F!Reader)

Notice: SFW. Not the usual elegant format. Just thoughts that needed to be indulged in. Apologies for any grammatical errors as this had been written during work hours.

╰ ☆ ╮

Imagine being the sole heiress from an affluent family that ran a successful shipping business in Liyue. Shortly after Rex Lapis's death, your parents encountered an unfortunate accident. They had been en route home from Inazuma when a storm had caused their ship to sink causing them to lose their lives. It's during the preparation of the funeral that you learn that a will has been left. It's revealed that to gain your inheritance and become Matriarch, you must find a spouse of noble birth. If not, then your clan's wealth would be kept by your Mora-hungry relatives. Upon hearing this, countless individuals have been vying for your attention and proclaiming their love and admiration for you. Your distant relatives are shameless enough to send their own children as 'recommendations' as your spouse, all to get a portion of your inheritance. During your parents' funeral preparations, you are introduced to the Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour alongside her right-hand man, who you swear to be the most handsome man you have ever seen. In the few times you had met, the man had always carried himself with the elegance befitting of a nobleman—furthermore, his voice and handsome face were just icing on the cake. You approach the funeral consultant and propose your idea: A contractual marriage. Of course, you two briefly go over the terms. The said brunette seems to be contemplating how to reject you properly…that is, until you vehemently promise to maintain a relationship devoid of affection, all the while providing for him. He may keep his job, live in your expansive residence, be attended to by dutiful servants, and spend chests upon chests of Mora. All he has to do is act like a dedicated husband. Additionally, you even offered to compensate him an absurd amount of Mora after two years then the two of you would dissolve your marriage; This seems to catch his attention, and after a few minutes of pondering, the man accepts your proposition. Excellent news, right!? Well…Yes, that is until an uncle of yours begins questioning your husband's origins (Jokes on you, he's above nobility…and mortals). Another relative of yours is questioning the credibility of your union as you and your husband have yet to provide an heir after a year of marriage. You take this all in stride, but the consultant doesn't take kindly to such accusations. When rumours of you being barren and that you merely married the funeral consultant for his handsome visage goes around (…Um, Well…They aren't wrong?), you experience a scary side of your usually calm and collected (fake) husband when he addresses their concerns. It's only after the date nearing the end of your contract that Zhongli confesses that he's unable to carry on with this farce. He's fallen in love with you despite trying not to. How can he not when you incite a supposedly foreign emotion that comes to him so obviously and naturally? He wishes to pursue a real relationship with you--a real marriage--, and he begins by telling you his real identity.

What do you mean, you're REX LAPIS!?

...

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brasskingfisher · 1 year

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American shenanigans

So for the benefit of everyone else who's become entranced by the deadlock in Washington over the speaker of the House election (and American politics is incredibly convoluted and nigh incomprehensible to outsiders) here's what's happening and why (as I understand it).

So, the first order of business whenever the speaker of the house (the person in charge during debates, who can tell people to shut up and or sit down and has the casting vote in event of a tie) retires or steps down for any other reason is the election of a new speaker. Now normally this is more or less a formality (both parties nominate a candidate (usually their own leader in the house) and whichever party has a majority of seats gets their choice elected), but things are dragging out currently because of a dispute within the republican party (the pro capitalism, anti equality, guns should have more rights than women do people) which is preventing them from excersing the narrow majority they currently have.

The nature of this dispute is basically the amount of power and control an extremist fringe element (most of whom belong to the baby handed angry tangerine man's red hat cult) have in order to do what they want (like get rid of equality legislation, introduce fascism, get rid of LGBTQIA+ people, and protect aforesaid angry man with baby hands from any kind of consequences) who are throwing a tantrum because they're not getting what they want and so are refusing to toe the party line and vote for their party's prefered candidate. Now normally the standard approach to these people (from pretty much everyone) in the world of USian politics has been 'shush now, the grown ups are talking.' But, the republican majority is so slim they can't actually ignore them anymore.

What this means in practice is, nothing is getting (or can get done) until the deadlock is broken. Thus far, efforts to break the deadlock have been focused on offering the red hat cultists what they want so as they'll get in line and vote for the right person, but after 11 rounds of voting (so far) they're for the most part not budging. Which means there several ways things can go and life can go on as normal:

The red hatters get in line for whatever reason. Thus far it seems like this isn't going to happen

The republicans put up another candidate the red hatters will support. Again, this is unlikely unless the party get behind one of the red hatters themselves, or someone who'll give them control

The republicans agree to give enough concessions that the Democrats (the slightly less pro capitalism, anti (overt) discrimination, maybe we should try and improve things party) will support their candidate. This is again unlikely as so far they're all fully united in support of their own party's candidate who has come out on top in every vote so far (and are getting fed up of having to hang around)

Enough mainstream republicans defect and support the Democrat candidate that they get a majority

(And tbh likeliest outcome) enough republicans get tired enough of the shenanigans to say "Fuck this shit!" And abstain/vote present, giving one candidate a majority within the actual votes cast.

#america is weird #american politics #us politics #politik #pass the popcorn #america is the bad place #is everything ok over there?#congress #angry baby handed tangerine man

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keybladeciel · 16 days

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Well, isn't the last weekend a good day to find out that Israel fucked around and found out by attacking Iran and ending up in the business end of some good old fashioned Persian fury as people panic. Oh, and Palestine broke the wall that divided them as an extra middle finger to Netanyahu.

Remember, Iran has the right to defend itself from such an attack.

I brought popcorn.

#fuck netanyahu #freegaza #free palestine #fafo #iran #fuck benjamin netanyahu #poetic justice #fuck around and find out #pass the popcorn

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geekeciel · 2 years

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This has... It's killed me.

*end of screenshot*

Oooooh, what's this? A screenshot of a photograph... That could have easily have been a screenshot?

I'm howling! 😂

Do they still use a rotary phone? Use smoke signals to communicate with other anti-tribes? Ride a penny farthing?

Nevermind how their abusing several of my friends who are busting their asses to create amazing Kuroshitsuji content for us to enjoy. Or the fact they've been blatently racist towards them, and unbelievably close-minded and cruel.

Nah, I'm just gigging because if they saw my fellas PC, they'd try and burn him at the stake! 😂😂

#get a life #Some people have too much time on their hands #Pass the popcorn #This person is more entertain than Amber Heard

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50-shaeds-of-fae · 1 year

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We are just sitting here on tumblr, watching the collapse of Twitter with huge shit-eating grins on our faces.

#pass the popcorn

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adulting-sucks · 1 year

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I cannot 😂

#what the fuck #why am I arching this #where is my dignity #pass the popcorn

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egophiliac · 6 months

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so excited for Kalim to save the day by swiper-no-swiping this dip. you can do it! I believe in you!

god I hope this reads properly

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #stage in playful land #stage in playfulland #i feel like kalim and the marshmallow test operates under roger rabbit rules #whether he passes or fails depends on which option is funniest at the time #anyway HEY things are finally actually happening!#so glad fellow agrees with me there #did he even expect them to make it to the show. did he very quickly have to choreograph a poppy little dance number.#honestly in retrospect i am also shocked that they lasted as long as they did #i mean. floyd is there. c'mon.#speaking of which i did really enjoy floyd going BYE JADE! MAYBE I'LL COME BACK TO SAVE YOU LATER IF I FEEL LIKE IT!#revenge for the popcorn #sorry if this is nonsensical! somehow it became like 4 am while i wasn't looking #i am super digging the evil theme park shenanigans (now that they're actually happening)#it's just Very Late!

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lolo3h · 3 months

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Since we know shadow milk was watching pure vanilla all this time, I'd imagine he was watching the events of the Cookie Odyssey like a drama show.

(the comic was made by the cookie run studio by Syruppy. Link can be found here)

#cookie run kingdom #cookie run kingdom spoilers #shadow milk cookie #idk what to put to represent shadow milk watching pure vanilla so I just put the mirror from the blueberry yogurt academy #I bet shadow milk was watching this all go down with a bucket of popcorn and showing the other beast cookies in the void #Also I think him seeing the soul jam being argued over and passed around would make him irritated

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polydeukescp · 1 year

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imagine being a worker at this big name space station and while you're just trying to do your job you witness a panicked teen parkouring for her life to run away from this enraged five foot nothing girl who keeps slamming into walls and just so happens to be the daughter of the boss of the biggest corporate group in the galaxy AND THEN next thing you know they've been hugging for twenty minutes in the middle of a hallway and the tall one is pulling out of her pocket the ugliest pair of keychains you've ever seen

#gundam #gundam witch from mercury #g witch #suletta mercury #miorine rembran #sulemio #I just know the security guards were passing popcorn around

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fishareglorious · 30 days

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I'm going to get shot for this but

madam z/hoffman/constantine. foundation women yuri that no one asked for.

two of them are old. Z is probably like in her thirties. two of them are politicians. Greta probably does not gaf about politics. two of them are the direct supervisors of foundation teenagers. Giving Constantine a ward would not. end very well in the child's part.

the three of them would likely never be in a room together but i have something beautiful called my imagination. they're doing paperwork in absolute silence.

#reverse 1999 #madam z #greta hofmann #constantine #certified storm moments #greta on the sidelines watching the entirety of chapter 4 with 'damn. pass me the popcorn adler'#coworkers yuri. does one understand me.#i have a more nonsensical hofmann crackship but that's for another time (when 1.6 drops).#i just like that old woman a lot okay. she deserves a lesbian situationship before the inevitable happens.

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jadewritesficshere · 2 months

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The boy is mine (Jade's edition)

Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: Eddie has a plan for a romantic night, but things go awry (2k words)

Contents: Anxiety, Eddie is self deprecating, hurt/comfort (kinda), no gendered terms for reader except mention that their hand is smaller then Eddie's and reader is called beautiful, a literal fire (please look up fire safety), fluff

A/N: So I saw this the first day it was posted and I thought it was a fun idea and saved the prompt by @carolmunson. I've been writing this for a bit,, but like I have had such bad mental fog and generalized pain recently I have been having a hard time focusing...I think I kind of misinterpreted the rules a bit...so here is sad lump of a contribution. Call me Stitch the way I am telling myself "it may be little and broken but still good".

18+ only

The night had started well, at least Eddie thought it had. He promised you a romantic night in. He even prepped for it.

Eddie rented sappy love movies, getting advice by Harrington and Buckley surprisingly. Harrington stated flowers were the way to go, but then started arguing with Buckley. While entertaining, Eddie learned more about the languages of romance from Buckley then he did about romantic gifts. But he wrote down to get flowers.

So he watched the movies. And Eddie was high paid a lot of attention and basically learned to make a grand speech. Big pour out your heart moment. Which, he felt he always talked your ear off, so he could totally do.

Eddie then read those magazines all the cheerleaders gossiped and giggled over. He didn't learn much except some tips for the best kiss. Cup the person's cheek and lean in slowly. Build the suspense. Eddie could do that.

Give you flowers. Make a speech. Cup your cheek as he kisses you. Eddie had this in the bag! Each point written in his little notebook.

And then the reality of you coming to his trailer hit him when you called to confirm the date was still on that morning. He hung up the phone after flirting a bit and looked around his house. Nerves flooded his system as he looked at it with the perspective of an outsider. He didn't want it to look bad. And it was, well, it wasn't bad but definitely could be cleaner.

So Eddie had vacuumed and dusted the entire trailer. Tossed empty pizza boxes in the trash. Sprayed some cologne around the trailer to cover the scent of weed, then cursed himself for using the expensive cologne when there was a bottle of air freshener in the bathroom.

Had picked up his clothes scattered across his room and shoved them all, clean and dirty, into the closet. Had made sure his bed had more then one pillow, grabbing spare throw pillows and tossing them towards the headboard. Even if he didn't think there was a chance you would enter his bedroom tonight, he wanted to be prepared.

Eddie had even started dinner before you arrived. An easy roast that Wayne had made hundreds of times. Thrown meat, potatoes, onions, and carrots into the pot, seasoned it and thrown it all in the oven.

It was newer, this thing between you, and he wanted to get it all right. You'd been friends for years, just recently evolved into dating. It was easy to hold your hand and throw an arm around your shoulder before, stealing those small intimate moments and pretending it meant something more. But now it does mean more. Truly, it always had, but neither of you had said anything. Because like usual, Eddie was the coward and ran.

He spent what felt like minutes (it had been hours) looking back at the notes, the plan. He had even sketched some pictures of you and him as he studied. Gave himself some sweet new tattoos and piercings and muscles while you had hearts around your head. By the time he stopped rereading the same points over and over again, he realized you would be there within the hour.

And he already failed the first point, flowers. It had completely spaced him what with the studying, but he had other things he had been wanting to give you so he figured he could wing it. He rehearsed everything in his mind, having various conversations with you. He would take your coat, be charming as ever, and you would fall for him even more then you already had.

But the plan immediately left his mind when you had arrived. Eddie could feel his face flush as his eyes trailed up and down your figure. All the rushing thoughts in his head suddenly stopped. All he could think was Damn, how'd I get so lucky?

"You're beautiful." Eddie mumbled in awe as you had shrugged off your coat. And then you smiled and Eddie realized he had messed up the plan. He thought he had went through every variable but he hadn't. It wasn't you that was going to fall more in love with him tonight, but Eddie was going to fall more in love with you.

Eddie twirled a piece of hair around his finger, unable to meet your eyes. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and his palms were begin to sweat. He couldn't help but shift from foot to foot. "Oh I uh....got you something," Eddie smiled and turned to leave before hesitating and motioning to the couch," You can uh sit...or stand, standing is good too! I'll be right back."

Eddie cursed himself the whole time he walked away because of how stupid he was. He could stage elaborate campaigns but couldn't seem to form a single sentence in your presence. Eddie grabbed the gift off his dresser and inhaled slowly, mentally yelling at himself to be cool for once in his life.

And faltered in his steps.

Because you were sat on the couch. Not just on the edge of the cushion like those who he dealt to who couldn't wait to get out of his presence. No, you were fully relaxed into the cushion. You looked comfortable. You looked like you belonged.

And Eddie couldn't squash the butterflies that took flight in his stomach. And he sat on the cushion next to you, fighting the urge to wrap you in his arms and hold you close.

"I got you this," Eddie declared as he handed you a rock. A small, smooth stone that fit in the palm of your hand. Your mouth parted but no words came out. Eddie bit his lip as you slowly turned the stone over in your hands, staring at it.

"I saw it and I thought, well, I thought of you and it matches your eyes and-" Eddie huffed out a laugh and shook his head," Sorry, it's stupid just give it back."

Eddie moved to grab it out of your hand but you slapped at his arm and clenched the stone in your hand. "No, it's mine!" You held your hand to your chest and glared at him. "It's stupid," Eddie looked down. "It is not." "It is!"

"Are you serious? If you don't stop we're gonna have a problem. This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me." You beamed at him. Joy and adoration written clearly across your face. Eddie slowly grinned back as you dared to open your palm and look at the stone again. "My precious," you wiggled your eyebrows at him, making him bark out a laugh as he relaxed.

"Let's save a ring for a later date." He joked, even as his mind raced. You quoted Lord of the Rings! You were sitting on his couch holding a rock he thought was the same shade as your eyes and you liked it!! He was done for. Completely head over heels fallen for you. Said he would never marry yet here he was planning his vows and everything.

"Seriously, Eddie, this is so sweet." Your hand grasped his. Your hand was smaller then his, fitting perfectly. Fingers interlocked hesitantly and then more surely. Eddie's eyes fell to your lips. Your tongue darted out slightly and wet them. And he started to lean in.

The air was thick, and not just with the tension, the anticipation. Your lips were milliseconds to coming in contact with his when Eddie's nose twitched as he caught a familiar scent. Your lips landed on Eddie's cheek as he turned so quickly to face the kitchen he gave himself whiplash.

Thick smoke started to waft out of the room. "Oh fuck!" He jumped up as the smoke detector finally started doing its job and screeched out an annoying beep. Eddie ran into the kitchen with you hot on his heels.

Eddie opened the oven door, smoke billowing out," SHITshitshit-" Eddie cursed as he slammed the door shut, coughing slightly. Your hand reached past him to shut off the oven before darting over to the window and throwing it open.

Eddie's eyes darted to the sink below the window. Stop, drop, and roll- wait no that was if you were on fire. But water beats fire in almost every scenario, right? Except oil, shit did he add oil? No, he didn't add anything except the food and the seasoning so it should all be good right?

"Stand back!" Eddie yells over the screeching alarm. Grabbing the pot holders, he throws the oven door open. Smoke billows past him as he makes a mad dash for the pot, grasping the handles and throwing it in the sink. He throws the faucet on, water pouring over the burnt food and pot.

Steam billows up with smoke, mingling in the air before flowing out the window. A hissing sound from the cool water hitting the hot pot fills the air. You fan the flames towards the open window. "Oh fuck." You cough as your eyes fill with tears from the smoke. Eddie winces as flurried apologies fall from his lips.

The pot, not on fire at least, starts to lessen up on producing smoke. Eddie deems it safe to leave and grabs your hand, dragging you outside. His hands on your shoulders guide you to sit on the steps as you continue to intermittently cough. Eddie rushes back into the kitchen, double checking that the oven was off, and quickly grabs a mug holding it under the still running faucet.

Eddie rushes back outside to you, almost missing the step and face planting. And wouldn't that have been the icing on the cake. Would that make Eddie or the embarrassment of faceplanting be the vanilla frosting? Who even created that saying? Cake was good and this was not good. Eddie shook his head of these thoughts as he sank down on the step next to you.

Eddie hands you the mug of water. You drink it in big gulps, a small dribble of water falling out of the side of your mouth towards your chin. Eddie wipes it away with his thumb as he apologizes," I am so sorry, I don't even know what happened."

"Is this Garfield?" You peer at the mug, as if Eddie almost didn't kill you. "Uh yeah, was in a rush, sorry I didn't grab like a nicer cup. I just ran out...to you..." "Don't apologize, I like Garfield," you mumble taking another drink of the water.

"Are you okay?" Eddie asks, hands running up and down your shoulders, eyes checking you over. "Think I hacked up a lung from all the smoke...," you rub your sternum," Man, my lungs do not like smoke...and you like that?" Eddie let out a nervous laugh," Yeah no sorry, only when its weed. Never really inhaled a straight fire before."

You look up into Eddie's eyes that are full of concern. "Well, I'd recommend like not doing that. But I'm okay, it startled me more then anything," You give a soft smile. "You sure?" "Positive." You knock his shoulder with yours.

Eddie's eyes search your figure, ensuring you aren't lying to him. You ignore him, opting to set the mug down on the ground. Fingers brushing against a dandelion, yellow and bright. You pluck it from the ground and twirl it between your fingers.

You're okay. You're holding a dandelion and you're okay. You aren't acting like you hate him. You aren't making excuses and leaving. You aren't leaving like everyone else-

Eddie's shoulders relax as the tension leaves his body. You're okay. Your relationship is okay. He didn't ruin everything. You're smiling at a fucking dandelion while his heart feels like it has run a marathon.

You're oblivious to his plight as you lean over and tuck the dandelion behind his ear," Maybe don't smoke that. Looks pretty on you." "Not that kind of weed." "Yeah dumb joke sorry."

A slow exhale escapes him as he shakes his head,"No it's good I'm just," Eddie waves his hand in front of him," like what the fuck just happened? I am never cooking again. I'll just take you to Enzo's. I fucked up. Sorry for ruining the date."

Your hand cupped his cheek as you ducked down to meet his eyes," Hey, no. You didn't ruin the date." Eddie rolls his eyes slightly," Almost killing you? Yeah, pretty sure i ruined it." You bump your knee against Eddie's, "it's not ruined and you didn't almost kill me. Small food fire, happens to everyone. I lit popcorn on fire once. Besides, if you did happen to kill me, at least I would have died happy and in love. And you'd be stuck with me cause ghost me is absolutely haunting you."

Eddie can't help but laugh slightly," Oh? You think you'd be a ghost and not get another chance at life? Be reincarnated or whatever?" "Well, even if I was reincarnated, I'd find you again."

Eddie scoffs, "C'mon, don't say that.. That's not even true, you'd totally be able to move on. You wouldn't need little old me." You grab his face and peer into his eyes," Eddie Munson, I will always need you. In this life and whatever happens after. You and me? We're it. Maybe it should be too soon to say, but I feel it in my bones. You're it for me Eddie. Together now, forever, and when everything ceases to exist we'll be in nothing together. I will always be with you because I will always love you."

You lean in and Eddie thinks his heart stops. Your hand holding his cheek in place, thumb lightly brushing back and forth. His eyes flutter shut as your lips finally touch his. It was soft and sweet, lips slowly parting and melding together in a dance that sent shivers down Eddie's spine. He sighed into the kiss as you leaned closer into each other. Your hands threading through his hair, his wrapping around your waist. Lips moving in tandem, tongues darting out tentatively.

You only part when you both are gasping for air. Soft smiles and longing glances shared as the sun sets. "I love you too." Eddie traces your cheekbone with his finger. "You better." You joke. Your combined giggles fill the air as you continue to steal kisses from each other.

The night may not have been the most romantic. Or gone to plan, like, at all. But it was one Eddie already knew that when he thought about he would be able to feel his heart swell with love. And as he kissed you Eddie thought, yeah you were it for him.

#Was gonna change my user from Jade but I have nothing that feel more like me (was going to be Jade for literal years and now it doesn't fit)#Maybe thats just the mental fog making everything not normal for me tho #Have yall burned anything before?? I remember so many times my family has...or maybe they just can't cook #Cheese fell off a pizza once and caught fire on the bottom of the oven...microwaveable popcorn when someone hit 5 minutes instead of 2 #None of them were fire fires but small things burning with lots of smoke #Be safe yall please learn fire safety and what to do or not do with kitchen fires #Anyways I love you all and I am going to go read everyone else's submissions okay byeeeeee #eddie munson x reader #eddie x you #eddie munson fluff #Eddie Munson x y/n #eddie munson/you #eddie munson/reader #Jade is Talking #Also yes you did everything Eddie planned to do...so it did happen according to plan just not Eddie doing it #ALSO ALSO I have found a rock in every shade okay green grey blue brown white black etc #So it is possible to find a rock in every shade okay pls dont be like green is not a rock IT IS or maybe I'm colorblind #I'm not I've passed colorblind studies (for work) many times

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