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yoongiseesawmp3 · 1 year

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bla bla bla (m) - hongjoong

part of the idol series.

summary: idol!hongjoong x staff!reader. it’s the thrill of being with someone off limits that pulls you to hongjoong. hushed conversations, discreet kisses, rushed sex. you can’t let anyone else at the company know that this has been going on so long, but the more time you spend with him the more madly in love you fall for kim hongjoong, leader of ateez.

word count: 15.6k

warnings: there’s so much smut, i’m sorry. afab reader. unprotected sex, semi unrealistic cum play, oral (f&m), mutual masturbation, hand stuff, public sex, spanking, panty gag, gendered terms and terms like slut/whore

masterlist

hongjoong is always trying something.

a new beat pad, your nerves, an outfit that’s totally out there. but you’re embarrassingly endeared by it all, and you do your best to hide it every day. being his main stylist makes that hard, though. you spend countless hours with him in close proximity to you, being his charming, artistic self, and you have to pretend not to eat it up. at least while other people are around.

when it’s just the two of you though? he’s usually got you wrapped around his cock, either on your knees with your cheeks hollowed out for him, or bent over the nearest surface begging for mercy. doesn’t matter where or who can hear. he can’t get enough of you, and you can’t get enough of him. that’s what makes your job challenging, and exciting as hell.

today is no different. the boys are coming in for fittings of their new stage outfits for the next leg of the tour, and you’ve got all of hongjoong’s outfits hung before you in an orderly manner. you had also set out yeosang and jongho’s, being in charge of their outfits usually as well, but there’s enough staff here today for you each to help the members individually. that makes the fittings go by quicker so the boys can get back to work, and you and your team have more time to make adjustments if the boys need anything changed.

like always, hongjoong struts in right on time, carrying that confident air with him everywhere he goes. it’s not cockiness, per se, but he knows he’s the coolest person in any room he walks into. that drew you to him initially, because you also have to be the coolest person anywhere you go. that made you and hongjoong click instantly, ooo-ing and ah-ing over each others’ accessories, sharing what interesting things you did over the weekend, or what exciting things you were working on. if you had to admit it though, hongjoong is way cooler than you are. he would say the same about you, and he does today as he walks up to you and blatantly checks you out.

“where’d you get that sweater?” he asks, handing you one of the coffees he’s holding. “it’s really cool. i like the yellow.”

“why, you trying to copy me?” you ask, playing into this half-hearted gatekeeping you try to do with each other. you pretend to refuse, and later, when hongjoong is free, you take him to your favorite spots and he takes you to his. this sweater was actually from a boutique he told you about, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction just yet.

“no?” he says easily, leaning in before he continues. “if i wanted to copy you i’d just steal this the next time i’m at your place.” he pulls back, a smirk on his lips, and as you stand there slightly stunned he smacks his lips and looks to the rack of clothes next to you. “so, just start with whatever?”

“uh, no,” you say, grabbing his hand to stop him from grabbing just anything. “you should know by now i have a system. put on the new world fit, robe and all. i made some alterations and i’m not sure they’re right for your proportions.”

“i’m sure it’s fine,” he says quietly as he takes the pieces off the hanger. then, looking at you with his eyebrow quirked, “alright if i just change here?”

“go ahead,” you motion, turning slightly to give him some privacy. you see the rest of the boys in various states of undress, san giving you an awkward little smile before he pulls his shirt off. you see a flash of jongho’s bare legs in one of the changing areas, and you’re pretty sure mingi accidentally pulled his boxers down as he took off his outside pants, but you won’t comment on it. hongjoong clearing his throat brings you back to your task, and you turn around to see he’s followed your directions, hood up and everything. you smile as he pretends to use the force, he must be spending too much time with seonghwa. ignoring him you ask, “how’s the length?”

“hm?” he asks, looking at you with a glint in his eye. you hold his gaze for a moment, challenging him to take it further. eventually you just motion to the end of the robe, asking “how’s the hem? i took it in a couple inches so you won’t trip over it anymore.”

“i wasn’t tripping over it,” he grumbles as he takes the hood down, looking at the hem anyway. “..but it is better, thank you.”

“good, now take it off.”

“cheeky.”

“just the robe,” you roll your eyes. “let me see the top.”

“it feels tighter,” he comments, flexing his arms slightly. “did you take this in too?”

“no,” you shake your head. “i might have to let it out, i heard you’ve been exercising a lot recently.” another shared look, both of you daring the other to crack. yes, hongjoong has been working out lately, but that’s just so he can get more creative with you in the sack. he’s been so insistent on trying a position that requires him to hold you up the whole time, so you told him you’d do it if he bulked up first. you’re both surely thinking of this promise currently, but wooyoung’s voice cuts through the moment.

“hey hyung, you are getting more muscle,” he says with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “it’s kinda sexy.”

“is it?” hongjoong asks, turning to you for confirmation. you make a face as you reply.

“eh, kinda. it’d be sexier if it didn’t create more work for me to do,” you sigh, and hongjoong rolls his eyes. as you move in closer to retake some of his measurements, just to check, he whispers low enough just for you to hear.

“you know you like it,” he says. “what did you call them the other day? my big beefy arms?”

“and your tits,” you reply back, just as quiet, your measuring tape struggling to hold in your grasp as you measure the stretch over his chest. “your tits are nice and big now too.”

“if only there was a way for yours to get bigger,” he tsks, and you laugh as you push him back, instructing him to try on another outfit. there’s plenty that don’t need changes, or he can just look at the alterations (a new button here, a deeper pocket for the mic pack there) and give his okay to the changes. finally, you get to one of the last outfits, what you call his fireworks fit.

“put these on,” you say, holding up a new pair of leather pants. “you wore the old ones out, but i couldn’t find the exact pair we had the first time. let me see if these look alright.”

“is this necessary?” he whines. “you know i hate getting into these.”

“yeah, but it’s so worth it when you are,” you tease, licking your lips dramatically, earning a laugh from jongho next to you. he finished a few minutes ago, not much of his wardrobe needing to be changed. he asks you a quick question about some shoes, and you make a note to get him a size up next time. when you’re done, hongjoong is dressed, eyeing himself in the mirror next to you. you walk up behind him, adjusting the shoulder seams of his top before you say quietly, “your little booty just looks so good in these.”

“little?!” he twirls around, eyes wide and offended. you can’t help the cackle you let out, surprised your comment would affect him so much. he tries to hush you, but the remaining members and stylists eye you both suspiciously. wooyoung looks like he’s about to say something when hongjoong cuts him off, “mind your business, jung.”

“you’re being loud, kim.”

“respect your elders!” hongjoong shouts back, and you can tell this session is gonna derail quickly. you place your hands on hongjoong’s shoulders, guiding him to the changing area so he’ll be out of wooyoung’s splash zone. once you’re both settled behind the curtain, hongjoong smiles down at you. “hey.”

“hey,” you say half hearted, eyes focusing on fixing the way the shirt lays on his chest. “i don’t like the way this looks, it falls like this and that’s sloppy to me-”

“y/n,” hongjoong whispers, and you stop to meet his eyes. he smiles at you again, brighter this time, and tries once more. “hi beautiful.”

“hey handsome,” you say, relaxing into him. you lay your head on his chest briefly, his hands coming up to cup yours. “i’m exhausted.”

“me too,” he sighs, bringing your hands to his lips. he presses soft kisses to your knuckles as he continues. “wish you could come over tonight, but i think some of the managers are catching on.”

“we wouldn’t do much sleeping if i came over anyway,” you say suggestively, and he chuckles, the low rumble warming your cheeks as your head nuzzles further into his chest.

“yeah, but that’s the thing,” he starts. “can’t tell if i’m not sleeping well because i’m not fucking you till the sun comes up, or if it’s cause you’re not sleeping next to me.” he sighs, playing with your fingers as he goes on. “guess we’ll just have to wait for the weekend though. you still free saturday?”

“yep,” you nod. “i’m all yours.”

“that’s what i like to hear,” he smirks, pecking you quickly. “we better get back out there, i don’t want wooyoung on my ass too.”

“you gotta stop arguing with him when i’m around,” you say, and hongjoong stops to look at you questioningly. “because i’m not afraid of him and i’ll give him a nice little sucker punch if he gives you too much trouble.”

“don’t mind him, sugar,” he says before placing a kiss to the top of your head. “he just likes getting a reaction out of people, so if you punched him that’d just encourage him to do it again.”

“he’s a weird one.”

“yeah,” hongjoong sighs, his lips still planted in your hair. you can barely hear him breathe in, and then he asks, “are you using a new shampoo?”

“no?” you ask, pulling back. “why?”

“you smell different,” he scowls.

“baby,” you smile, cupping his cheek. “i think it’s because i’ve been at my house so much recently. i’m just using my regular shampoo, not yours, or whatever the guys have in the showers.”

“don’t like that,” he shakes his head. “i’ll see if i can sneak you in later tonight.”

“hongjoong, i-”

“no, babe, i miss you,” he says sternly. “you’re coming over, no excuses.”

“ok,” you say, defeated. “just text me when the coast is clear.”

you get a text around 10pm that hongjoong is finally at the dorm (”sorry, my bad, i started a new song and-”) so you head over soon after that. you’re not sure if tomorrow’s one of those days you might have to sneak out before the crack of dawn, so you don’t want to waste a minute of your time with hongjoong.

as you make the short trip to his, your mind wanders to this whole set up you have. sneaking around, having to worry about when you need to leave his house so no one sees you, it’s tiring. sometimes you’d like to go over to your boyfriend’s house just because. or whatever it is hongjoong is to you. because a boyfriend isn’t someone you hide away with to steal some kisses or creep around with in the wee hours of the night. you should bring this up to him, at least voice your concerns - what could you both really do about it though? no matter what you say to him your situation would be the same, so might as well keep things the way they are. because things are nice. hongjoong is sweeter than anyone you’ve been with before, and you’re afraid of maybe someday having to find someone else who makes you feel the way he makes you feel.

you’re still pondering what you could possibly say to him as you walk into the familiar building, making your way up to his floor. as you get closer to the boys’ dorm, you’re met with a wonderful smell. wooyoung must have cooked dinner, and you hope they saved you some, you were starving. you barely have to knock on the door before hongjoong is tearing it open to cover you in kisses, starting at your forehead and spazzing his way down to your lips. when you finally meet in a soft kiss, you smile into his lips and he does the same, pulling back just long enough to look at you as he grabs you by the cheeks, and then he’s kissing you again gently.

“i missed you,” he says into your mouth, making you chuckle.

“because it’s been so long,” you say with a roll of your eyes, wrapping your hands around the back of his neck to play with the hair on the back of his head. “how’s the song? better than the one you started yesterday?”

“baby,” he groans. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to keep you waiting that long, i just was-”

“inspired, i know,” you smile softly. “i’m glad you got to work on it. i just hope i can hear this one, unlike all the others you’ve been hiding from me lately.”

“they’re not good enough yet,” he sighs. “and you know i have to do everything in my power to impress you.”

“well don’t try so hard,” you whisper, kissing him sweetly. “it doesn’t take much.”

“i’ll start tomorrow,” he says with a cheeky smile, sliding his hands to your shoulders to spin you around, facing their living room. you were right, there was food, but hongjoong had set their living room up to look like a fancy restaurant, candles laid out and flowers on the coffee table amidst all the food. it takes your breath away, and hongjoong watches you proudly as he waits for a response.

“joongie,” you melt, turning back to him and wrapping him in a tight hug. “why’d you do this?”

“wanted you to have something nice,” he shrugs like it’s nothing. “you’ve been working a lot this week, thought it’d be nice for you to get pampered a little.”

“well i love it,” you say as he guides you to the couch. he hands you your favorite blanket from his room, and you quickly wrap yourself in it as he makes your plate. “wooyoung helped?”

“yes,” hongjoong groans. “god, he’s never teased me so much before. i almost made him stop and put me out of my misery, but seeing you happy like this made it worth it.”

“aw, how sweet,” you coo as you take the plate he’s holding out for you. “thank you, really. i don’t know how to tell you how much this means to me.”

“save it,” he smiles shyly. “it’ll just embarrass us both.”

“but you’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” you say through a mouthful of food. “fuck, this is good. wooyoung is a genius.”

“damn, do i need to learn how to cook now?”

“well you should learn anyway,” you say, pointing an accusing fork in his direction. “but it’s sweet that you’re jealous.”

“am not.”

“are too. now eat your food so we can make out some more.”

once the food is cleared (you and hongjoong are both very adamant about cleaning up after yourselves) you go back to the couch, but hongjoong pulls you to sit in his lap. his hands settle on your waist as your legs fall to the outside of his thighs, and you place your hands on his shoulders, pinching his cheek for good measure. he pinches your ass in retaliation, and that’s all the encouragement you need to dive back into his lips. you spend some time lost in each other like this, slowly making out, and you let your hips roll experimentally. hongjoong tightens his hold on you, keeping you in place, and you whine.

“sorry sugar,” he sighs. “all the boys are home, and seonghwa’s asleep already. i can’t kick him out tonight, so don’t make me hard.”

“i can’t stop you from popping a boner-”

“you can behave and not do anything to make it worse though,” he scolds, and you’re quiet long enough for him to dip back down to your lips, his tongue caressing yours. you moan into his mouth, and you feel his dick twitch beneath you.

“see? i didn’t even mean to get that reaction,” you pout, and hongjoong kisses it away.

“maybe we should just watch a movie then,” he says, looking around for the remote. you stop him, grabbing his face by the chin. he looks at you challengingly as he waits for you to speak.

“it’s late,” you say, and he nods. “so everyone is probably asleep.”

“yeah babe, i said hwa was asleep in-”

“no no, forget him,” you say. “everyone’s asleep? so we have the living room to ourselves?”

“oh,” hongjoong finally realizes, stammering as he continues. “uh, i mean, yeah, we could, but...”

“but what?”

“all my condoms are in my room,” he whispers, almost like if he says it quietly it won’t bother you.

“oh,” you sigh. “well, just hand stuff then. take your pants off.”

“no, you!” you hop up easily, pulling your pants down and grabbing hongjoong’s blanket. you drape it over yourself as he pulls his pants and boxers down quickly, encasing you both in the fabric as you sit back in his lap. your clothed core just barely brushes his tip and he jerks, making you smile.

“and you said we should just watch a movie,” you smirk, spitting in your hand before reaching for hongjoong’s cock. he watches your every move with an animalistic look in his eye, like he wants to devour you whole. both of you focus your gaze to hongjoong’s lap, your hand carefully wrapping around him and using your spit to get him slick. you have to spit again, partly because it’ll help and also because you know it drives hongjoong crazy when you make a mess, so you do it and your hand returns to its place around his cock. you stroke him a few times, trying to get him hard quickly. he thinks you’re just trying to get him off faster, so he tsks and pulls you further up his lap so his cock is almost laying on top of your cunt. it gives him a better angle to pull your panties aside, slowly pushing one finger into your slick to check how wet you are.

“needy baby,” he sighs, feeling the way your cunt swallows his digit tightly. “always ready for me, huh?”

“always,” you whine, grinding up to get more friction. hongjoong removes his hand completely, but you keep stroking him steadily. his hand moves up to your clit, using your wetness to drag over it lazily. you buck up again and he uses his free hand to hold you down, but in this position he’s still the one trapped under you. you can’t help but arch up as hongjoong dips two fingers back to your core, fucking into you slowly and scissoring his fingers open deep inside you.

“taking my fingers so good baby,” he breathes out, focusing hard on not fucking your hand wildly as he gets harder. “doing so good for me, make me feel so good.”

“want your cock, joong,” you pout, and he shakes his head.

“you’ve got it, sugar,” he says, bucking up into your hand to mark his words. “what more do you need?”

“need you inside,” you whisper, and his cock twitches at the idea of taking you raw. “i felt that baby, i know you want it, please just a little bit, please-”

“y/n, you sure?” hongjoong asks, and you meet eyes. you nod, affirming with a hushed “yes” that this is okay, that this is something you’ve wanted for quite some time now but you didn’t know how to say. hongjoong holds your gaze a little longer before going back to your core, fucking into you relentlessly now with three fingers. “guess i gotta get you ready then. you gotta be quiet for me though, can you do that?”

“mhm,” you whisper, trying to prove how good you’ll be starting now. once hongjoong’s satisfied with how open you are, he slides his fingers out and replaces your hand over his cock. he strokes himself once, twice, before holding your panties farther away so he can slide into your weeping cunt. you cry out at the warm feeling of him, and he groans at the feeling of you clenching around him without any protection. he knows this should be off limits, but now that he’s had a taste he can’t have you any other way. he keeps pushing until he’s sheathed fully inside you, he gives you a second to adjust, your arms falling to his biceps. you squeeze his arms tightly, telling him it’s alright to keep going. he pulls you off of him almost completely, just the tip still nestled inside your walls, and then he pulls you back down on his lap, pulling a shriek from deep in your chest. your hands fly to your mouth, heart pounding at the thought of waking the boys and because of the dark look hongjoong’s giving you.

“i said be quiet,” he warns, and you start to defend yourself but he quiets you with his hand covered in your slick, he offers you his fingers, and you know to suck and clean them off. you can taste some of his precum too, and you moan softly at the taste. while you’re distracted by your new task, hongjoong pulls back again and thrusts shallowly into you, rocking you over his lap so his cock just buries into you deeper and deeper. you’re moaning around his fingers, grateful they’re muffling some of your sounds, otherwise hongjoong would stop and leave you to get yourself off.

“mmf,” you mumble around his fingers, and he pulls them from your mouth, a line of saliva falling from their tips and coating your chin. hongjoong jolts at the sight, pulling another little cry from your lips. “my clit, play with my clit, please.”

“you’re that close?” hongjoong asks, and you nod frantically as you start bouncing on his cock, feeling him deep in your stomach. he places a hand at your hip, his thumb pointed down so he can capture your clit with every bounce of your hips. you try your best to keep your moans to a minimum, but when you collapse on hongjoong’s chest, too tired to keep riding him, he forgets why you were even trying to be quiet in the first place. his hands grab your hips firmly, his own high just around the corner, and he fucks you hard and fast, making you shake above him. you cry out one last time, your walls clenching around him so hard it’s impossible for him to move. when you start coming down, your hole spasming around his cock, he comes, trying his best to pull out before he gets too much inside you but you stop him.

“no, baby, please it’s okay,” you assure him, and he freely let’s go, your cunt pumping him for every last drop of come. when he pulls out, some of it dribbles onto your outer lips and hongjoong tries his best to file that image away for the nights you can’t see each other. you slump into his shoulder, breathing slowing down, and hongjoong can tell you’re about to go to sleep.

“nope,” he says, pushing you up. “let’s get you cleaned off.”

“leave it,” you mumble into his shoulder. “can’t move. sleep here.”

“you gonna form a full sentence any time soon?” hongjoong jokes, and you shake your head.

“just pull my panties up,” you say, finally sitting up enough to assess the damage. your pussy is covered in his release, more dripping out of your hole, and you both watch as you clench to stop it from dripping further. the sight alone has you both ready to go again, but it’s late.

“keep this safe for me then, yeah?” he asks, covering your stained pussy with your panties, and you push his shoulder pathetically.

“gross.”

“i mean it, i’m gonna check tomorrow and i expect to see every drop-”

“hongjoong!” you whine, a smile threatening to give you away. “stop talking. just lay down with me, yeah?”

you fell asleep on the couch, which, in hindsight, was a bad idea for a lot of reasons. the worst one is the situation you find yourself in right now, hongjoong asleep on top of you, wrapped up in each other’s arms, and the front door opening to reveal a manager. hongjoong has enough time to poke his head above the couch (thankfully it hides you, for the most part), and he rushes to cover the rest of you with his blanket. he plays it off like he’s straightening up, waving to the manager at the door checking his phone. the boys had to rehearse soon for the tour, so hongjoong goes to grab the other guys and you lay as still and quiet as possible on the couch.

one by one, the members make their way out of their rooms, doing a good job of not noticing you. yeosang does though, face showing shock at the pair of eyeballs staring at him between the cushions. the manager asks if he’s alright and he plays it off, and you think you’ve made it through. it’s just joong and seonghwa left, and you see hongjoong leave next, doing his best to convey something to you with his eyes but you can’t pick up on it. seonghwa comes out last, pretending like he’s looking for something.

“what’s wrong?” the manager asks, and seonghwa explains he’s missing his phone.

“one of the guys might have taken it down to the cars, do you mind checking for me? i’ll look up here and come down if i find it,” he asks, and the manager reluctantly leaves. a few seconds after the door closes, seonghwa looks at you. “hey y/n.”

“hey seonghwa.”

“had a good night?” he asks, and you shrug.

“it was alright,” you say nonchalantly, sitting up to stretch out. “so what’s the move?”

“we’re going to a rehearsal space for a couple hours,” he explains. “wait maybe thirty minutes and then you can head out, hongjoong will see you later when we get back to the company and i’m sure he’ll do or say something despicable to you.”

“can’t wait,” you yawn, falling back down on the couch to sleep a little longer before you can leave.

so, you fell asleep. like for a long time. you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing, and your heart drops to your ass when you see it’s someone from kq. you realize you’re about an hour late, which is so cool and so fun. you scramble off the couch, rushing into the bathroom to attempt to make yourself look like you’re not making a walk of shame into the office. then you notice your clothes, you’re in sweats and a hoodie, so not necessarily work appropriate. you internally scream and head to hongjoong’s room, hoping he has some clean clothes you can change into for work. you do your best to find clothes that are inconspicuous, like if someone with a keen eye looked at you they wouldn’t notice you’re wearing hongjoong’s clothes. you head out the door once you’re satisfied with the look (a sweater you’ve been wanting to “borrow” with a collared shirt underneath that still smells like joong and black slacks) and take out your phone to make an excuse for being late. you have to stop by a designer’s shop to pick up some sample pieces for their next comeback, so you assure your coworker you got caught up at the shop and you’re coming back to the offices soon. you just cross your fingers and toes that’ll satisfy them and save your ass.

hongjoong spent the morning worried, because he’s never had such a close call before. it was stupid of him to let you both fall asleep on the couch, and he’s been beating himself up about it since. but he makes himself feel even worse when the boys get back to the company and he can’t find you anywhere. you’re never late, so hopefully you’re just hidden away working hard somewhere. hongjoong hopes that’s it, and not that you overslept because he’s got a million reasons in his mind over how that could be his fault. he just goes to a rehearsal room with mingi to pass the time, going over their parts together to clean everything up for tour.

about an hour later, hongjoong steps out to grab a water and his ears perk up at your voice. he hears you down the hall, your voice carrying from a slightly cracked door in the office area. he quietly walks closer, not eavesdropping exactly, just choosing intentionally to get water from the fountain next to that office rather than the one right outside the practice room. as he stands there he catches the faintest trace of a conversation.

“so you understand why we can’t risk this happening anymore,” the other staff says sternly, and hongjoong thinks you must be getting reprimanded for being late. he starts berating himself again, thinking it’s all his fault, when he hears you speak.

“i understand,” you respond, your voice shaking. weird, hongjoong thinks. you’re good at keeping your cool at work. what could make you this upset?

he doesn’t have time to ponder that for long, because the conversation wraps up and he hears shuffling from the office. he scurries back to the hallway he came from so he won’t get caught snooping, but he turns back just in time to catch you walking away quickly, wiping at your face. were you crying? then he catches the eye of the staff standing to the side, and she gives him a pointed look, tight-lipped with a warning in her eyes. hongjoong almost feels a shiver run down his spine, but he shakes it off and goes back to practice, shooting you a quick text to make sure you’re okay.

the next break he gets, he leaps for his phone and sees that you haven’t replied. he tells mingi he’s stepping out again, and he nods, saying he might go grab food with the members before they continue. hongjoong waves him off, trying to figure out if he should text you again or just go find you. he opts for the second one, and he has to wander a little to figure out where you are. he checks your office, nothing. understandable, considering you’re having a bad day. then he looks at the balcony, because that’s your go to hideaway in the office. still nothing. he finally finds you in the last place he’d think to check, the wardrobe room. surrounded by years of stage outfits, donated pieces, and looks curated for each member, he sees you hidden in a rack of old kingdom outfits. you look up at the sound of his footsteps, giving him a half hearted smile as he gets closer.

“hi sugar,” he says softly. “what’s going on?”

“bad day,” you shrug. “sorry i’ve been mia.”

“s’okay,” he tells you, hand coming up to rub your back. “have you eaten?”

“not yet,” you shake your head. “haven’t had time. i overslept, and uh, got into some trouble. so a lunch break isn’t really in my schedule today.” something about the way you said that makes hongjoong think there’s something you’re leaving out, but he doesn’t push it.

“i can go grab you something?” he offers. “i was probably gonna go to 7/11, do you want some snacks? that way you don’t have to stop and eat, you can just eat as you work.”

“okay,” you nod, and hongjoong smiles. he’s about to leave when he allows himself to sweep his eyes over you, and his smile grows as he notices you’re decked out in his clothes.

“you thief,” he says, and you chuckle. a small victory, considering hongjoong can tell you had been crying at some point. “went shopping in my closet, hm?”

“i didn’t have time to go home and change,” you explain. “so i had to pull some stuff out of the archive and prevent the world’s worst walk of shame.”

“well you look cute,” he says, coming closer. “sexy, actually. i love it when you wear my clothes.”

“really?” you ask, a glimmer in your eyes. “how sexy?”

“depends,” hongjoong replies, “let me see your panties.”

“joong!”

“no, baby, remember what i said last night?”

“oh, when you were being nasty?”

“yeah,” he says, and you roll your eyes. “show me.”

“hongjoong-”

“y/n,” he warns, and you slowly pull your pants down, followed soon after by your stained panties. hongjoong knocks your legs further apart before he falls to his knees, and you gasp, trying to pull him back up.

“kim hongjoong, stop that right now,” you hiss. “someone could come in here.”

“no they can’t, i locked the door,” he says, his hands sliding around your waist to grab you by the ass. he looks at your pussy, still dirty from the night before, and he sighs. “you’re perfect for me, baby,” he whispers, admiring the way your pussy clenches at his words. he’s too focused on your cum stained lips to notice the way your eyes well up at the complicated things you’re feeling, but before you can get caught up in your thoughts hongjoong swipes his tongue between your lips to distract you. he groans at the taste of himself lingering on your cunt, and he dives back in to clean you up. his hands on your ass help him grind you onto his tongue, and you let out a shaky moan when he swipes over your clit. he stays there, alternating between light kitten licks that make your legs jolt or harsh sucks that send a strike of electricity straight through you. hongjoong is relentless, playing with your clit before kissing and sucking his way down to your entrance, admiring the way your slick has coated your lips for him. “you’re delicious,” he growls, tongue slurping obscenely at your entrance, and your legs buckle at the feeling. he holds onto you tighter, trying to keep you up while he fucks his tongue into you.

“hongjoong, too much,” you whine. “‘m gonna come.”

“good,” he grumbles, detaching from you long enough to look up at you between your legs. “that’s kinda the point, sugar.”

“but-”

“stop talking,” he orders, kissing right on top of your clit. “just enjoy it baby.” he holds his thumb up to you, and you take it in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the warm digit. hongjoong brings it down to your clit, drawing lazy circles on your bundle of nerves as he goes back to making out with your cunt. it’s getting harder for you to stand on your own, so you grip your hands into his hair for some leverage. you’re grinding down into his face, your arousal coating his chin as he eats you like a man starved. you’re staring down at him, mesmerized, and when his eyes flick up to meet yours it sends you over the edge. you let out a choked moan, and hongjoong buries his tongue in your cunt to collect every drop of your release. when he’s satisfied that you’re done, he slowly pulls away from you, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. he stands and brings your pants back up for you, helping you get dressed again before he leaves.

“i thought you were getting our lunch,” you say breathlessly, and hongjoong smirks like the devil as he responds.

“i can’t get that at 7/11.”

you spend the rest of the day keeping your distance from hongjoong, which isn’t hard considering both of your schedules. you’ve got to start packing tour outfits, and he’s in back to back rehearsals until late tonight. you stay after everyone else on your team leaves just to make up for the time you lost this morning, and you’re running through the building trying to keep up with all your packing lists. there’s a pair of shoes missing, and if san left them in the rehearsal room again you’re gonna kill him. so you’re running from room to room trying to find these boots, and as you take a corner too fast you literally run into hongjoong.

“whoa, where’s the fire sugar?” he asks with a smirk as he steadies you, admiring the way you’ve pulled your hair back to keep it out of your face. you were going to respond, but you see a manager poke his head out of a rehearsal room so you duck away, mumbling to hongjoong about the shoes. he’s left confused, but just writes it off as you being stressed. he figures he’ll have time to ask about it tonight.

except, he doesn’t get a chance to do that. you end up leaving shortly after your literal run-in with joong, and you shoot him a text that you’ll be going to sleep as soon as you get home which is basically code for bye, see you tomorrow, please don’t text me and wake me up. hongjoong’s feelings are a little hurt, but again, he knows how stressful work is right now, it’s just as bad (if not worse) for him, so he takes this as a night of rest and decides to bother you double time tomorrow.

when it’s finally time for the guys to leave, hongjoong finds seonghwa and waits with him for their car. hongjoong immediately opens your texts, wanting to tell you he’s on the way home, but then he remembers you’re already asleep and puts his phone up.

“y/n coming over tonight?” hwa asks through a yawn.

“nope,” hongjoong replies curtly. “we both need our rest.”

“gross.”

“not like that. well, a little but that’s not the reason. y/n had a long day today so i’m sure this extra sleep is needed,” joong explains, and hwa nods.

“yeah, i heard one of the managers saying she got quite the talking to this morning,” seonghwa says, side-eying hongjoong. “any idea what that was about?”

“no,” hongjoong shakes his head. “we didn’t talk much today. busy, you know.”

“well, i just know i’d be shitting bricks if my girlfriend was over and a manager walked in on us cuddled up on the couch,” hwa mumbles, and hongjoong bucks up at his words.

“y/n isn’t my girlfriend,” he says, sounding unsure even as he says it. “we’re...friends. close friends-”

“who suck and fuck every chance they get?” hwa asks, eyebrows raised. “not to mention the sappy way you talk to her, and the way you look at her like she makes all the flowers grow.”

“what? i do not,” hongjoong scoffs.

“do too.”

“stop that,” joong grumbles. “i don’t know what..this..is, honestly. i just know i really care for y/n.”

“then maybe you should be more careful about being seen by other staff,” seonghwa warns. “i’m just saying, if they had to get rid of someone because they find out you two are canoodling, it wouldn’t be you.”

“yeah,” hongjoong says, lost in thought. was that why you were off today? had the manager this morning noticed something, and gone on to snitch about it? hongjoong’ll wring his neck if that’s the case, but he knows for sure he needs to talk to you asap. he needs to know what’s going on, right now.

before your alarm even goes off the next day, you’re pulled out of your sleep by your phone constantly ringing. you thought you heard it in your dreams, going off once then going silent. then it went off again, pulling you out of your sleep, confused. then it rang again and that’s when you realized it was actually happening, so you reach for it and answer.

“hello?” you ask groggily.

“open the door,” hongjoong says on the other end.

“hongjoong?”

“yeah, it’s me, come let me in,” he says quickly, then adds, “pretty please.”

“hongjoong, i-”

“please, y/n,” he says again. “i need to know what’s going on.”

“ok, just a second.”

soon, hongjoong is sitting at your kitchen table, watching as you move around making your morning coffee. like always, you make his first even though he didn’t ask for one, and when you finally have your own cup you take a seat across from him.

“so,” you start. “what’s up? why’d you come here so early?”

“what happened yesterday?” he asks. “like really happened. i heard you in a meeting, and when i found you in the storage room it looked like you had been crying. and then not wanting to see me last night...” he trails off, looking back up at you. “what’s going on?”

“um,” you clear your throat. “well, uh, so. apparently kq has been onto us for sometime. they’ve all had their suspicions, some managers said suddenly you were a lot happier and less mean-”

“whoa, i’m not mean!”

“their words not mine,” you clarify, and keep going. “they said they could tell a difference in you, after...uh, after i was assigned to be your main stylist. and then they just noticed us getting closer, i guess? so when the manager walked in on us yesterday, he saw, um, he saw my stuff by the door, and that’s when he went higher up and told them there might be something going on. when i was late on top of all that, i got called into a meeting as soon as i got to work and it was made very clear my job is on the line if i don’t stop..whatever this is.”

“wow,” hongjoong sighs. “so, what is this?”

“hongjoong,” you whine, and his heart clenches. “i don’t want to define this right now. i just told you i could get fired if we keep this up and you’re worried about a label?”

“well, yeah,” he begins, “because if we’re just messing around then that’s harder for us to defend if we get in trouble again, but if you’re actually my girlfriend then-”

“you don’t get it joong,” you cut him off. “it was very clear that i was the only one in trouble. they never even mentioned you yesterday, the entire time it was just about what i’ve done wrong by getting involved with you. you’re safe, i’m the one they can kick out if they see me as a threat.”

“you’re not a threat though,” he says quietly. “you’re my y/n.”

you reach across your little kitchen table, squeezing his hand in yours. you hold his gaze, his eyes hopeful, and sadly he notices that your eyes tell a different story.

“i’m sorry, hongjoong, but..i can’t do this,” you say shakily. “i need this job. i love this job. and i don’t want to do anything to risk that, not right now. i’m..i’m sorry.” hongjoong holds your gaze for a moment longer, but he can tell your mind is made up. he softly slips his hand out of yours, puts his dirty mug in the dishwasher, and then walks out the front door.

you didn’t realize how hard it would be to watch hongjoong walk away like that, but you knew it would be hard facing him at work with the way things had to end. a couple days after he stomped out of your apartment, you find yourself doing the final fitting for their tour outfits, the adjustments made and needing one final look. you’ve got hongjoong to your left and yeosang to your right, but they’re the only two you have to take care of today. jongho with his perfect proportions didn’t need any changes save for a new pair of shoes, and he’s already tried those on.

you don’t want to get too close to hongjoong (either from fear of attraction or the fear that you’ll internally combust) so you spend a lot of time helping yeosang and catching up with him, asking him about the tour and just being friendly, nothing more. but hongjoong watches on, stewing silently as he tries on piece after piece, just barely grunting out your name to get your approval before he moves on to the next. when he’s tried the last piece, you tell him he’s free to go, and he’s out of the room faster than you can give him the all clear. you turn back to yeosang, who shrugs, saying something about how hongjoong always gets bitchy under a lot of stress. you laugh with him, knowing that’s not the only reason for joong’s sour mood, but there’s not much you can do about it now.

not long after that, hongjoong is holed up in his studio when he hears a knock at the door. he doesn’t want company, but he tells them to come in anyway. it’s seonghwa, who shuffles in and sits on the couch behind hongjoong.

“is there any reason why y/n is looking at your tour outfits all sad?” he asks.

“no?” hongjoong replies. “not my business.”

“hm,” seonghwa huffs. “since when is y/n not your business.”

“since i got dumped last night,” hongjoong replies, turning around to face his friend. “listen dude, i don’t really want to talk about it right now, ok? kind of still in the pissed off phase.”

“i heard about the meeting yesterday,” hwa says, making hongjoong groan.

“great, so now all our business is just floating around the company, that’s mature of everyone.”

“so is sleeping with your stylist.”

“hey, i wasn’t just sleeping with her, ok?” hongjoong defends himself. “like i said last night..i really care about her.”

“then what are you gonna do?”

“nothing,” hongjoong shrugs. “i tried last night, she didn’t want my help. so i guess it ends here.”

“no it doesn’t,” hwa shakes his head. “you two won’t be able to stay away from each other long.”

“thanks for having faith in me man.”

“i give you till the end of the week, tops,” hwa says. “but at the latest, before we leave for tour. i know it would piss you off to leave before you’ve cleaned this up.”

“get out of my studio.”

“don’t get mad at me cause i’m right!” seonghwa shrieks, but he stands and walks to the door anyway. “i’m just saying, if it’s worth fighting for, you should. you deserve some love. and a good lay, but if you could start keeping that to yourself i’d appreciate it.”

turns out hongjoong doesn’t have to worry about fixing this before they leave for tour. he heard through one of the managers that you would be coming with them, taking the place of one of the more senior stylists. and of course, the news of you and hongjoong hooking up has spread throughout the company, so you’ve been assigned to seonghwa and yeosang for the tour. getting used to the new role, and the hectic life of being on tour, you haven’t had time to stop and think how much you really miss hongjoong. your job has kept you pretty busy the first few stops, and you don’t even have time to catch his eye in the dressing rooms because you feel like you’re so all over the place. it worries hongjoong, seeing you so stressed, but he knows there’s nothing he can do about it.

he also has to watch you be all buddy buddy with seonghwa and yeosang, getting close to do touch ups on make up or fix their outfits in between stages. while he knows that’s your job, you have to do those things, he also thinks about how you chose your job over him just about every minute of every day. it’s hard for hongjoong to admit, but he was down bad for you, and he’s having a hard time adjusting.

one night, after an off day in london, a lot of the staff went out with the guys to a lowkey restaurant. hongjoong was exhausted, but he went anyway. not because wooyoung basically begged him, but because he wanted a chance to be around you like nothing had happened. if he just happened to sit with you at dinner, that wouldn’t turn heads, would it?

except, hongjoong is so excited by this idea he gets to the restaurant way before you. he wonders where you are, what you’ve been doing all day, would you even come to dinner at all? if he could, he would save you a seat at his table, but he can’t do that. instead he joins seonghwa and some others, scanning the menu absentmindedly until he hears the bell ding above the door. he looks up instinctively, and does a double take when he sees you. you look like you’re glowing, a couple shopping bags in tow and a new bag slung over your shoulder that hongjoong recognizes as a piece from your favorite designer’s new collection.

“oooh, y/n, you bought us presents?” wooyoung asks, sitting next to hongjoong. he doesn’t miss the way your eyes glance over him first before looking at wooyoung to respond.

“no?” you reply. “these are all for me, you wouldn’t fit.” you approach the two tables taken up by the boys and the staff, and your eyes linger on hongjoong’s table making sure there’s no seats there before another stylist calls you over to sit next to her. you shove your bags (carefully) under the table, telling everyone sitting there that you’re not against violence if they mess with them. you settle into your seat and look up, locking eyes with hongjoong. he’s directly across from you at the other table, a window right between the members to give hongjoong a perfect view of you. you give him a tightlipped smile, heart constricting the longer you look at him.

“nice bag,” he mouths, pointing down to your purse. you smile genuinely then, because of course he would recognize it. you had talked about getting a matching set together, something subtle but cool to signify your...bond. you still don’t know how to define whatever it was you had with hongjoong, but you need to stop reminding yourself of it before your stomach turns at the thought. you look down at the menu, trying to ignore the feeling of hongjoong’s eyes on you all night.

the next day, there’s a show. you’re doing your job like normal, adjusting things here and there on yeosang’s first stage outfit, laughing at some silly joke he made. you catch yourself laughing around him a lot, not aware that he’s doing it to cheer you up. you just assume it’s yeosang being yeosang, but he sees how torn up hongjoong is so he knows you must be going through it just as bad.

after you get yeosang and seonghwa settled into their new world robes, you head to another dressing room in search of more safety pins. you didn’t think about whose dressing room it was, you just knew the more organized stylists worked in here and you could always pilfer supplies from them. you sneak in and hover over the table by the door, expecting the room to be full and that you can just slip in and back out. but you hear someone clear their throat, and your skin runs cold when you look up and see hongjoong watching you through the mirrors on the wall.

“hey sugar,” he says, a sad smile on his face. you whip around to face him, heartbeat accelerating as he walks closer to you.

“hongjoong, i’m sorry, i didn’t know you were in here,” you try not to stammer out. “i just needed. um. i got what i needed. so i’ll just..go.” you try to spin back around and out the door, but hongjoong grabs your wrist too quickly, pulling you dangerously close to his chest.

“what’s the rush?” he whispers into your ear, brushing your hair to the side.

“th-the concert, joong, you need to-”

“i need to talk to you,” he says sternly, turning you around in his arms.

“what are you doing?” you ask stubbornly, backing up to the door, which is a bad move because hongjoong just follows you until you’re caged in, his chest pressed to yours. you register the faint sound of him locking the door behind you, and your intake of breath makes him smirk.

“having fun?” he asks calmly, and you look at him confused. “on tour? it’s your first time, it looks like you’re enjoying yourself.”

“it’s...alright,” you say tentatively. “i’m exhausted, but i like it so far.”

“that’s good,” hongjoong nods, picking up a piece of your hair and twirling it between his fingers. “and your new...assignment?”

“are you referring to my promotion?” you ask, and you’re just a little bit satisfied by the surprised look on hongjoong’s face. “yeah, you don’t know everything, mister. they promoted me, i’m one of the head stylists now. that’s why i went on a shopping spree yesterday.”

“wow, y/n, that’s..that’s incredible, congratulations,” hongjoong stutters, and you smile at him sweetly. “i’m really happy for you. you deserve this more than anyone. really.”

“well thank you,” you mumble, your head dropping to ignore his intense stare. “so i hope you understand...why i had to...why this was my only choice.”

hongjoong lifts your chin delicately, noticing with a gasp that you’re crying. he’s quick to wipe your tears, and he moves to wrap you up in his arms. you push him away, shaking your head as you wipe at your eyes more. he carefully reaches out for your hands, bringing them down and rubbing soothing patterns over your knuckles.

“i guess i understand,” he sighs. “you’re just so smart and sexy and good at your job.” you roll your eyes, trying to pull your hands back but he holds tighter, squeezing your hands in his. “i knew you’d get a chance like this someday. but, come on, did they have to place you with seonghwa and yeosang?”

“hongjoong you’re insufferable,” you laugh, your head falling forward to land on his shoulder. the alarms start going off in your mind when you realize what you’ve done, but they start shrieking and howling when you feel hongjoong’s hands leaving yours in favor of curling around your waist. you lift your head up to look at him and say, “you haven’t changed at all, have you?”

“hm, no?” he considers for a moment, hands sliding down to squeeze your ass teasingly. “i’m still crazy about you, so no, i have not.”

“hongjoong, we shouldn’t,” you hiss, shifting enough in his hold that you can feel how wet you are just from being this close to him again.

“but we both want to,” he says, and when you don’t disagree, hongjoong smiles the most shit eating grin you’ve ever seen. “stop me now, sugar. if you really don’t want this as much as i do, say something and i’ll stop. promise. i can walk away right now-”

“we have to be quick,” you whisper out, and hongjoong feels himself harden at the thought of you being just as needy for him as he is for you. his hands squeeze your ass one more time, then he taps your cheeks to signal for you to jump. you wrap your legs around him easily, and he puts you down on the counter in front of one of the vanities. there’s a moment where you’re both staring, unsure of what to do now that you’ve gotten this far, so you wrap your arms around his neck and say, “kiss me.”

hongjoong’s hands cup your face, pulling you up to meet him as his lips crash into yours. it’s sloppy, and in seconds you’re breathing hard into each other’s mouths, hongjoong licking at your lips to let him in. his hands brush over your chest and you gasp, granting him the access he needs to finally taste you again. he groans into your mouth, your tongue meeting his for the first time in what felt like years. he keeps playing with your chest, but he eventually gets tired of the fabric in the way and moves to take your shirt off. you have to physically push him to make him stop, and with a gasp for air you manage to say, “we can’t get undressed. you have to be onstage soon.”

“ugh, fine,” he groans, leaning in to kiss you one more time. then, into your mouth, he growls, “i need you to turn around for me. over the vanity.” he steps back, undoing his pants as you bend over for him and pull your pants and panties down. he groans at the sight of your pussy glistening for him, and he tugs on your hair to get your attention. “look back at me. don’t look in the mirror, i want you just looking at me, ok baby?” you nod, eyes locked on his as he pumps himself a few more times before lining up at your wet entrance. “i don’t have a condom, is that ok?”

“god, hongjoong, yes, just fuck me before i regret this-” and you choke on your words as he thrusts himself fully inside, the warmth almost driving him insane. he could never forget what it feels like to be inside you, but he sure missed it. the way you clench around him, the way your ass looks delectable as he pulls out and thrusts back in, and your moans. oh god, he could come at the sound of your voice alone. once you got your voice back, you started chanting his name, your hair falling down around your face as he rocks into you repeatedly. your eyes stay on his the entire time, and he’s so overwhelmed by the feeling of you wrapped around him again that he stops inside you to take some breaths. he lifts your right leg up, placing it on the vanity with your upper body so he can get deeper. your pants and panties fall off your leg, and you stumble out of them completely to find a comfortable position. when it looks like you’re settled again, hongjoong thrusts slowly, pulling a moan from deep within your chest.

“i missed this baby, i missed you,” he breathes out before he keeps going, pounding into you at a faster pace than before. in this position, he’s hitting as deep as he can, and you’re back to a blubbering mess. you’re babbling out his name, various cuss words, and repeating everyone once in a while how he has a perfect cock. watching you fall apart around him sends hongjoong into overdrive, and he grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back to make sure you keep your eyes on him. you clench around him at the sight of his animalistic gaze, and he groans out, “fuck, keep doing that and i’ll come.”

“give it to me, please,” you beg. “please, hongjoong, please, come for me baby, i need it, please!”

“you want me to come inside you baby?” and you nod. “uh uh, need to hear you say it.”

“fuck me, fuck,” you gasp, eyes rolling to the back of your head. hongjoong pulls on your hair again to bring your attention back to him. “please baby, come inside me, wanna feel your come dripping down my pussy, please, i need it-” and then he’s coming, coating your walls with so much come he’s afraid it’ll start dripping out before he even finishes. feeling hongjoong coming inside you sets off your own release with a choked moan, and hongjoong thrusts softly to guide you both through it. when you’re done spasming around him, he pulls out carefully, his cock covered in your releases. he bends down to grab your panties, wiping himself off with the fabric. you carefully get down from the counter, feeling hongjoong’s come leaking from you already. you look down for your pants, but when you can’t find your panties you look up to him quickly.

“where are they?” you ask accusingly, and he just smiles.

“somewhere safe,” he says seriously, and you push his arm.

��hongjoong, give them back, i can feel you dripping out of me already-”

“then you got what you wanted, right sugar?” he asks, and you blush profusely. “if memory serves, you asked for this.”

“i hate you,” you grumble, pulling your shorts up anyway.

“yeah, about that,” hongjoong says, and the sound of someone jiggling the door handle makes you both freeze. you grip onto hongjoong tightly, complete fear in your eyes as whoever it is keeps trying to door. hongjoong steps closer and tries to calmly ask, “who is it? i’m, uh, changing.”

“it’s me,” seonghwa replies, and you both let out a sigh of relief. “i don’t care what you’re doing, but wrap it up. five minutes to mics, dude.”

“o-ok, thanks,” hongjoong replies, and you push him toward the door. in a hushed tone, he turns to you and says, “hold on sugar, i have something to tell you.”

“we don’t really have time to talk about this hongjoong, we’re close to getting caught again, and we can’t-”

“i think i’m in love with you,” hongjoong whispers, and if it hadn’t been just the two of you in the room you would’ve missed it. you stop cold, staring at him with your mouth slightly open.

“you’re joking,” is the only thing you can think to say.

“i’m not yeosang,” hongjoong says coldly, and you scoff.

“you can’t just say that, joong,” you tell him. “you have to mean it-”

“you think i don’t mean it?” he asks, hurt. he watches you to try and read your expression, but you’re not giving him any context clues, so he sighs, “whatever. i love you. take it or leave it.”

you watch as he unlocks the door and slips out, not another word or glance your way. you give it a few seconds, listening intently for the sounds of anyone outside. when you think the coast is clear, you grab the things you came here for in the first place and slip back into the hallway unnoticed.

after the concert, you’re busy getting the last of seonghwa and yeosang’s outfits packed up for the next stop. like always, seonghwa stops by and asks if you need any help, but you politely decline and he hangs around anyway, telling you little stories about the show so you have some company.

“hongjoong had a really great night too,” seonghwa points out, eyeing you carefully as he goes on. “he seemed very motivated, for some reason.”

“hm, good for him,” you hum, and then you nod to the case seonghwa is leaning on. “can you open that for me?”

“sure,” he says, helping you while he watches hongjoong walk by behind you. he doesn’t think anything of seonghwa hanging around you, that’s really the only person he doesn’t mind you being close with aside from him. he just nods at hwa and he nods back, something unspoken between them that you don’t pick up on. “did you get to see any of the show tonight? i think you would’ve liked it.”

“ah, no,” you sigh. “i was a little tired so i just rested back here. i’m sure you guys did great though.”

“hongjoong especially,” seonghwa reiterates, and you look at him apprehensively.

“yeah, you mentioned that. listen, i should get these to the truck-”

“i’m just saying, for whatever reason, tonight of all nights, hongjoong had his best show of the tour,” seonghwa says, looking directly at you. “he’s like a changed man.”

“what are you trying to imply, seonghwa?” you finally ask. “because i don’t think i’m getting it.”

“he’s better when you’re with him!” he whisper shouts. “now i don’t totally agree with you two risking your careers over this, but he cares about you enough that he’s willing to do it. he’s a better person when you’re in his life. really in it. i think i’m the only one that knows why, but everyone noticed how different he was tonight after he suspiciously came out of a locked dressing room,” a pointed look at you. “so just think about how you want this to end up. you have to be around each other a lot anyway, so why spend it pretending you hate each other when you clearly don’t?”

you’re quiet for a moment, focusing on the clasp of the case in front of you. “didn’t know you were hongjoong’s relationship doctor.”

“oh, you’re perfect for each other,” seonghwa groans. “he told me the same thing when i tried to talk to him. don’t believe me, fine, but don’t expect a clear sign like this again. hongjoong is gonna keep his distance if you don’t make a move.” he starts walking away then, but you calling his name softly brings him back. he smiles smugly and asks, “yes?”

“um,” you clear your throat, taking a few steps closer to him so no one will overhear. “uh, do you know if he’s got his own room tonight?”

“my stuff’s already in with yunho and san,” seonghwa replies. “because i am a good friend, not a relationship doctor. you two need to do the doctor part yourselves, i am simply the kind soul who doesn’t want to see two people he cares about be miserable for the rest of forever.”

“you’re so giving,” you tease, and then genuinely, “thank you. we’ll talk tonight.”

“good luck,” seonghwa smiles at you before he leaves.

back at the hotel, you spent quite some time cleaning yourself up. you weren’t stalling on purpose, but you kept finding things to do before you went to hongjoong’s room. you know he stays up late, so you have time, but you need to pull the band aid off and just go. you’d like to have an idea of what to say when you see him, but when you think about it your mind just becomes a tangled mess. as you get ready to leave, an idea pops into your head, and you take care of that quickly before heading a few floors up to hongjoong’s room.

you took the elevator further down the hallway, so hopefully any other staff still heading to their rooms won’t see you on the main elevator. you have to walk a little farther to hongjoong’s room though, so you have plenty of time for your heart to start racing the closer you get. as you reach up to knock on his door, it feels like your heart will beat out of your chest at any moment, but seconds later when hongjoong opens the door, it completely calms. he smiles, unsure of what he’s seeing as he starts to speak, but you cut him off with a soft, “surprise?”

“it sure is,” he says, leaning against the doorframe. he looks you up and down, all cozy in the hotel robe but still with your battered keroppi slippers on your feet. “to what do i owe the pleasure?”

“i think we need to talk,” you tell him. “can i come in?”

“listen, y/n, i said everything i needed to say,” he replies. “if you have anything to add, you can tell me right here.”

“well,” you start, and he’s watching your face intently, not noticing your hands trailing down to the belt of the robe. “it’s kinda cold out here, i’m feeling a draft,” you say as you undo the belt, pulling one side of the robe back so hongjoong can see you don’t have anything on underneath. “can i come in now?”

“you’re gonna kill me,” he whispers, hand reaching out to grip your bare waist as he pulls you into the room with him. he closes the door quietly behind him, and you stay close by so you can grab his hand when he’s done. wordlessly, you take him to the bed you assume is his and stand before it. more of the robe has fallen open, and hongjoong blatantly checks you out. “alright. your turn to talk.”

“i...can’t,” you start, and hongjoong looks on with a hurt in his eyes that you wish you could fix. "i’m not good with words, so i’ve been wracking my brain for what to say and i can’t come up with anything good.”

“you could say you love me back,” hongjoong mutters, and you groan at his words, grabbing his hands.

“hongjoong, please,” you whine. “i can’t put into words how i feel, so i wanted to show you.”

“show me?” he asks, intrigued. “show me how?”

“well,” you sigh, playing with his fingers. “what do you want to do with me?”

“sugar, what i want to do with you would take me days,” he warns.

“hm, we only have a couple of hours. what do you want to start with?” you ask teasingly, staring at him patiently. you can see him working through this in his head, and you desperately hope he doesn’t tell you to leave.

“on your knees for me,” he finally says, and you obey instantly. you sink down in front of him, your robe falling off your shoulders and pooling around you. “good girl. hands in your lap, that’s it, and keep them there. want you to watch, no touching.”

“hongjoong, what-”

“ah ah,” he tsks, undoing his pants. “you’re gonna watch me get off, because this is what you wanted right? you didn’t want us to be together anymore, and we can’t touch if we’re not together.”

“baby, please,” you beg. “what happened in the dressing room then?”

“what happened in the dressing room was a mistake,” he says, and you feel a pang in your chest as he pulls his boxers down just enough to free his half hard cock. he starts stroking himself as he goes on, “unless you want to talk about it?”

“i-i don’t know...”

“right,” he hums, picking up speed as he gets harder. “guess you just have to sit there then. thanks for the pretty view, sugar.” he punctuates his words with a step closer to you, his tip dangerously close to your lips. all you’d have to do is lean forward just a little to take him in you mouth and- “stop that,” he says from above you, watching intently. “look up at me, don’t be so cock hungry.”

you whimper at his words, looking up to his sharp eyes. he winks at you when your eyes meet, and when he starts meeting his pumping hand with little thrusts you watch as his face contorts into pleasure, a moan slipping past his lips. you even catch the slightest hint of a smirk after because he’s enjoying himself so much. while his eyes are locked on yours, an idea pops into your head, and you wriggle your hips just enough to spread your legs below you. to hongjoong it just looks like you’re getting comfortable. as he focuses on your chest and how your nipples are reacting to the cold air, he misses the way your hand trails down to your core to meet your dripping folds. you rub your middle finger through your slick and make a swipe at your clit, a quiet moan traveling up through your chest. hongjoong stops immediately, glaring down at you as he watches you play with yourself. he’s stopped fucking his hand and the only noise in the room is the sound of your quickened breath and the mess between your legs.

“what are you doing?” he asks calmly.

“nothing,” you reply with a shaky breath, slipping a finger inside your entrance to stroke at your walls. “why’d you stop?”

“you’re not listening to me-” hongjoong starts, but you cut him off.

“ah ah,” you mock him. “i can’t touch you. doesn’t mean i can’t, fuck, doesn’t mean i can’t touch myself.”

“fine,” he decides, stepping away from you to lean against the bed. “i wanna see you get off with your fingers alone.”

“fine,” you agree, leaning back on one hand while bringing your other hand up to your lips. you suck on two of your fingers, holding hongjoong’s gaze while he strokes himself lazily. you bring your fingers back to your core, circling your entrance before you start fucking yourself on them, already knowing this won’t be enough. you try working yourself up by rolling your hips, stroking that soft spot inside you, but it’s not enough. you sit up so you can bring your other hand down to your clit, and hongjoong just watches on amused. he’s wondering how long this little show can last, but he’ll appreciate every second of it.

“feel good baby?” he asks mockingly, and you moan maybe too loud to try to convince him that it does. it’s not that it doesn’t feel good, it does, it’s just not as good as you know hongjoong could be. “how long will you keep this up?”

“keep what up?” you grit your teeth, grinding down into your own touch, legs jerking at the oversensitivity. the room is quiet for a moment as you feel yourself getting closer to a peak you know you can’t reach, but amidst the silence you hear hongjoong calling for you.

“baby,” he says softly, and you look up to a smirking hongjoong. “proposition for ya.”

“what?”

“make me come with that mouth of yours, and then i’ll help you out.”

“thought we couldn’t touch,” you bite back, gasping as you pull your fingers out of your cunt. “don’t want you to make another mistake, baby.”

“just shut up and come here,” hongjoong growls, staring down at you with a welcome challenge in his eyes. you shuffle the short distance forward to bring you closer to his waiting cock, and you swipe your fingers through your folds once more before wrapping the same hand around his dick. hongjoong moans lowly as he watches you work him in your hands, getting incredibly hard as he waits for you to wrap your lips around him.

“that’s enough playing around sugar,” he says sternly. “now swallow it.”

you obey quickly, using the hand that’s wrapped around him to guide him to your lips. you nip at the tip playfully, and he bucks up to make you hurry, his cock slapping against your lips obscenely. you open wide for him, doing your best to keep your lips securely around his shaft. you bob up and down quickly, encouraged by the promise of getting off if you can make him come. the only sounds in the room are hongjoong’s low pants and your mouth swallowing around him, but it’s music to his ears. he’s missed having you so intimately, but more than that he’s missed you.

you can tell hongjoong is getting close, his chest rising and falling quickly and his dick twitching in your mouth, heavy on your tongue. you pull him out briefly, gathering a few breaths before you look up to him and tell him hoarsely, “i want you to fuck my throat, joongie.” you open your mouth up to him again, tongue hanging loosely, and he guides his cock to your waiting lips.

“grab onto my thighs baby, you’ll need it,” he warns you, and you take his advice. as soon as you’ve got a hold of him, he starts fucking your throat, making you gag. you try to swallow around him with each thrust, driving him crazy enough until you know he can’t take it anymore. you think he’s about to come down your throat and you get excited at the promise of tasting him again, but he pulls away from you completely.

“what the fuck,” you whine, precum and spit coating your chin. “was i not doing a good job?”

“no, you did well considering you can’t use your mouth to say what i want to hear,” he says meanly, and deflated, you fall back onto your calves.

“so that’s it?” you ask, and hongjoong laughs at you.

“sugar, we’re just getting started,” he smiles.

“but i don’t get to taste your come?” you whine, and he shakes his head. “where are you gonna come then?” and you watch as hongjoong reaches into his pocket, pulling out a crumbled piece of fabric. he shakes it out and you notice it’s your panties from earlier. you watch as he lays it over his hand before bringing it down to his cock, pumping himself a couple times before his body shudders and he comes into your panties. when he finishes, he looks at his hand, sighing as he holds it up to you.

“open,” he says simply, and you listen, your mouth falling open for him once again. he carefully shoves your panties into your mouth, his come coating your tongue as he says, “need you to be quiet for this next part, ok? unless you wanna give my manager a show. and then you’ll really get your way, huh? they’ll never let us within a mile of each other if they could hear how i’m about to make you feel. now over my lap, baby. time for your punishment.” you make a sound of protest, looking at him confused, and he answers, “you broke the rules sugar. you touched me.”

you try to complain, call him names, accuse him of playing games with you, but you can’t. instead you just do as he says, laying facedown into the mattress over his lap with your ass on display. his hand instantly cracks over your ass, making you jolt and squeak into your gag.

“i’d tell you to count, but i wouldn’t be able to hear you,” he teases, running his hand over your ass cheeks. “so i’ll keep track for you. that’s one, you get nine more.” you squirm in his hold as his hand lands on your ass over and over again, whining at the pain yet grinding down into his thighs to relieve the growing pleasure between your legs. he notices this, and in between spanks he starts dipping two fingers into your core, groaning at the way your arousal drips down into his palm. you forget that you’re even being punished, enjoying the way he’s stroking your walls, when he pulls his hand from you completely and instead smacks your cunt. you scream into your gag, pushing your face into the mattress as your hips buck into his touch. “you liked that sugar? my baby’s so slutty for me. try to scream again, whore.” and he smacks your cunt again, the sharp shock to your core sending you closer to the edge. without warning, he plunges three fingers deep into your core, his free hand rubbing brutally over your clit as you writhe in his hold and start to come. your moans reach a pitch so high you can’t even hear yourself anymore, and hongjoong keeps fucking you through your release until he hears you whimper in overstimulation. he carefully removes his hands from your core, pulling your hair to make you look at him as he cleans your release off of his fingers. gently, he helps you lay completely on the bed, whispering, “i’ll be right back.”

you register hongjoong coming back to you to remove your panties from your mouth. then you feel his hands on your hips with a wet washcloth that he uses to clean you up. you start drifting off to sleep as you feel him place a kiss on each hip, whispering something up to you that you don’t catch. he lets you rest there, grabbing a change of clothes before he heads to the bathroom to wash off. you don’t know how long you were asleep for, but when you wake up again you hear the water running and you don’t see hongjoong anywhere. you get up, wincing at the pain in your lower half, looking for your robe and slippers so you can go back to your room. as you finish, the water shuts off, and you hastily make your way to the door. you’re halfway to the elevator when hongjoong comes back into the room, his face falling when he sees an empty bed. but really, what did he expect? you didn’t love him. you cared more about your job than you cared about him, so he should’ve known this would happen. as he moves around doing his nightly routine, trying to forget the day’s events that all involved you.

the tour stops that follow are exhausting. there’s shows, there’s fansigns, the boys have other commitments in between, and it’s impossible for you to get a moment alone with hongjoong. that doesn’t stop him from stealing glances at you every chance he gets, and you do your best to pretend that doesn’t affect you. you’re trying to set a plan into motion, because you’ve finally decided what you want this to be.

so when the tour makes its way to paris, you get to work. you’ve been making calls and setting up meetings to make sure this all happens the way you want, so you’ll be busy today. the boys have a rest day, and while you relish in the freedom of not being confined to their schedule, you start making things right. meanwhile, hongjoong finds himself bored in his room, wondering what you’re up to.

he leaves his hotel room, wandering around trying to work up the nerve to find you. as he heads to the elevator, san pops his head out of his room and calls for hongjoong. some of the boys are watching a movie together and then they’re gonna go shopping, and san won’t let hongjoong leave without joining them for at least a couple hours. part one of the plan, done.

while joong is being forced to enjoy his group’s company, seonghwa shoots you a cryptic text that you assume means the plan is going well. you check your phone happily knowing everything is working smoothly so far. the hard part comes next, and you psych yourself up as you head into the cafe you found just down the street. you smile as you see some of your coworkers waiting for you, and you take a deep breath before joining them for what’s sure to be a difficult conversation.

that night, hongjoong comes back to his hotel room tired, arms laden with new designer pieces he can’t wait to wear. specifically he can’t wait for you to see what he found, because he knows you’ll appreciate everything as much as he does. he’s about to dump his bags and just text you, inviting you to his room, but he stops when he sees a note on his pillow. it’s an invitation to a paris fashion week event with one of his favorite designers. he’s not sure how this could have happened, but he knows you made it possible. it warms hongjoong’s heart to know you did something like this for him, and then his face warms at the thought of attending this with you. he’s worrying about what to wear to the event when he gets a text. he jumps to read it, smiling when he sees your name lighting his screen.

“meet me tomorrow before breakfast for a fitting?”

to say you’re nervous is an understatement. you barely slept the night before because you wanted to make sure everything today runs smoothly. you’d hate to go to all this trouble just for a little mishap to ruin it all, so you’ve been worrying since you sent that text to hongjoong yesterday.

and hongjoong? he’s fine. he slept like a baby last night knowing he’d spend most of the day with you, and as he gets ready to see you he’s calm and collected. he thinks he’s got this whole thing figured out, and he’s ready to ease all your worries with the plan he’s laid out in his head. you asked him to come to your room for the fitting, so he heads up early, just eager to see you and tell you what he’s come up with. when he gets to your door and you open it at the first knock, the sight in front of him takes his breath away.

first of all, you look beautiful. you look like a page out of a catalogue, dressed head to toe in this designer’s new collection. you look chic, confident, and sexy as hell. then there’s the room behind you. there’s two racks of clothes overflowing with stunning pieces, and hongjoong is standing at the door with stars in his eyes and a surprised look on his face. slowly, he turns to you, reaching for your hands.

“how did this happen?” he asks, looking at you in awe.

“i made some calls,” you shrug. “come in, i have so much to show you.”

you go through the pieces quickly, explaining he needs to pick two outfits: one to keep and one to wear to the event. he looks on in admiration (for you or the clothes, we may never know) and carefully touches the fabric as you speak, appreciating the little details of the pieces before him. as you’re talking, there’s one suit he keeps playing with, and you smile as you ask, “that’s your favorite?”

“yeah,” he nods, looking over his shoulder at you. “i love the color, and the buttons, and the way it’s cut over here-”

“try it on then,” you encourage, and you take the suit off the rack before leading hongjoong to your bathroom. “take your time with it, but come show me when you’re dressed.”

hongjoong disappears briefly, and you can hear him rushing to get his clothes off. you’re sure you heard him bump something into the counter, but you don’t push him about it. you just sit down on your bed, kicking your feet, as you wait for him to come out. when he’s ready, he steps back into your room and clears his throat. now it’s your turn to be in shock, utterly stunned at how perfect hongjoong looks standing before you in this tan suit.

“do you like it?” you ask excitedly, and hongjoong nods. “give us a spin then.” he turns around slowly, and you whistle teasingly so that when he turns back to you there’s a shy smile on his face. “how’s the fit?”

“perfect,” he replies. “it’s like it was made for me.”

“well it was,” you tell him, stepping up to fix his cuffs. “i gave them your measurements last week, i’m just glad they were able to tailor it in time.”

“you did this for me?” he asks in disbelief. “why?”

“because,” you start, adjusting his lapels now. you keep speaking, trying to hide the slight shake to your voice. “because i didn’t know how to tell you i loved you. so i had to show you.”

hongjoong is quiet, and you’re scared for a moment that you crossed a line. you’re worried you said the wrong thing. afraid that this is too much, and hongjoong doesn’t want this anymore. but a gentle hand reaches out to tilt your chin so you’re staring into hongjoong’s eyes, and he’s looking at you like you’re the only person in the world.

“can i kiss you?” he asks quietly, and you whisper a soft yes. he cups your cheeks, pulling you closer until your lips meet his. usually when you kiss hongjoong it’s sweet but fast, passionate but hurried. this is different. his lips move over yours slowly, his hands caressing you all the way down from your neck to your waist, holding you like he’s afraid to let you go. you’re both reluctant to pull away, but eventually you need to take a breath so you place your hands on his chest to push back. his grip around your waist tightens, and he kisses you harder, trying to put all of his love for you into this one touch. you have to push him off, laughing at how he chases you and pulls you even closer.

“baby, stop,” you giggle. “need a breather.”

“too bad,” he says, kissing from your lips down to your chin and further down to your neck. “not letting you go ever again.”

“that’s gonna make our lives a little harder, don’t you think?” you joke, and he stops to look at you seriously.

“no,” he tells you. “this is gonna work. we’ll make it work for us. it’ll be hard but worth it.” he holds your gaze a moment longer and you lean back in to kiss him.

“can i say something though?” you ask. “make sure we’re on the same page?”

“please,” hongjoong nods.

“do you wanna sit down at least?” you offer, and he shakes his head.

“nope,” squeezing you tighter, “this is fine with me.”

“fine,” you laugh. “i’m sorry i didn’t say anything earlier,” you begin. “but i can’t have you thinking this is all just fun and games. we could seriously get in trouble here, especially me. so i have to be careful.”

“i know that,” hongjoong tries, but you stop him.

“i have to be careful,” you repeat, and he nods. “it’s a really serious thing. and if i don’t know what i am to you, it’s hard for me to risk the career i’ve built because of this incredibly charming guy i happen to work with.”

“for what it’s worth,” hongjoong says, “even if we weren’t together, if i was just some loser pining for the girl he works with, i would still love you.”

“hongjoong.” you whine. “you’re not making this easier for me.”

“okay,” he says, detaching his arms from around you and grabbing your hands tightly in his. “let me make it easier then. be my girlfriend. date me. stay over and come to work with me in the mornings. let me handle the shit, you just be my y/n again. because i miss you. i miss us. hell, i even miss your doofus dog. it might be silly, but when i would come to your apartment, it felt like we were a little family, like we had a furry little son. it was nice. it was normal. nothing in my life is normal, but you make me feel like a person. just like any other guy. you don’t treat me like kim hongjoong, leader of ateez. you treat me like hongjoong. you make me feel like myself. that’s why it was so easy for me to say i love you. you make all of this feel like it’s normal. like this is how life is supposed to be. so i’m tired of all this sneaking around shit. be my girlfriend. be in love with me.”

“i-i never knew you felt that way,” you say, a little choked up. hongjoong reaches up to cup your face, thumbs ready to catch any tears that might come. you lean forward, your forehead touching his. “but you’re my hongjoong, how could i treat you any differently?” he laughs softly, hands squeezing your cheeks. you look at him, so close, so beautiful, and you think how easy it will be going forward. “that’s why i quit.”

hongjoong pulls back from you in shock, surprise written all over his face. he tries to speak, but he can’t even think of what to ask. after all of this, you picked him?

“you..what?”

“i quit,” you shrug. “well, stepped down. and when they asked why, i told them i couldn’t work with you directly anymore. i think they knew why, but they understood.”

“but you just got a promotion,” hongjoong says. “you’re so good at what you do. and the guys! you’re so good to us. what are we gonna do without you?”

“baby,” you laugh, cupping his cheeks now. “they just put me in a different department. same pay, similar tasks, just not working directly with you. my job is more external now. that’s how i got us invited to fashion week. i’m basically the kq rep that goes out and bothers all these designers to get them to send us clothes, and then the stylist team gets to choose what pieces to use. i’m actually kind of the boss now, which is nice.”

“i can’t believe you,” hongjoong smiles. “you’re sneaky.”

“nah, i’m just a sap who’s in love,” you tease.

“wait,” hongjoong says, “i haven’t heard you say it yet.”

“say what?”

“i love you,” he explains. “you haven’t said i love you yet. i wanna hear you say it.”

“oh, that i love you?” you ask, and hongjoong blushes. “you want me to say i love you? because i do. i love you.”

“say it again,” he smiles, leaning in closer until your lips are just barely touching.

“i love you,” you whisper, lips grazing his. “i love you i love you i love you.”

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