#NONE OF THIS SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED!!! IT'S A BUNCH OF PPL AT THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME đđđ
Evil Dead 2 is honestly such a sad movie from every angle you look at it. Everyone is having the worst day of their life and having to see all their loved ones die in horrible ways, sometimes even at their own hands, and they can't do anything about it. They cannot stop to... process it for a second, to understand what's going on, and fate is so cruel that whoever tries to save anyone ends up dead.
And that's not even bringing up the ending which is extremely dreadful on its fucking own :/
8 notes
·
View notes
mcytbers as subway workers because i work at subway and i said so
i wrote this all at like 1 am im sorry
subway terminology (at least where i work)
waste out -means an item cant, or isnt, being sold, like overbaked cookies or expired milk. gets written down on a list for tax returns or smth
freezer pulls -pulling items from the freezer to the walk in fridge so they can thaw for the upcoming days
POS system -the software used for ringing up food, has a bunch of options per type of sandwich
generally 2 shift rotations , each one has a shift lead which is ur main opener or closer
characters
dreamÂ
makes sandwiches so fast.Â
how ???Â
he wraps the sandwiches immaculately as well
definitely a main closer
georgeÂ
just. disappears during a rushÂ
only to be found two hours later STILL doing dishes
dream and sapnap are not pleased.
sapnapÂ
convinces dream to waste out bread for him so he can eat it
gives ppl he likes free cookiesÂ
terrible at wrapping sandwiches
tommyÂ
always works with wilbur and tubbo. always.Â
he HATES freezer pulls but if he has to he can be seen SPRINTING between the freezer and the fridge
also bad at wrapping sandwiches
does all the online orders for tubbo because he cant read them well
tubboÂ
loves to bake the bread and cookies
got a complaint once because he read an online order wrong so tommy always does them
hates ringing people up but loves to make the sandwhiches
technoblade
only works like 1 shift a week but its the most goddamn productive shift of anyone.
always makes sure they are selling potato soup when hes working
another main closer
wilbur
always controls the radio in the store
always works with tubbo and tommy, drives them to work
bribes others so he doesnt have to do the dishes
main opener
philza
the manager
super chill about scheduling
turns a blind eye to people âaccidentlyâ dropping cookies and wasting them out
niki
a goddess at baking the bread and cookies
never burns anything ever
everybody wants to work with her shes so nice
fundy
is really good at ringing those ppl up with 28372 coupons
horrible at making sandwiches tho
the only one that knows how to fix the soda machine when it breaks
quackity
always gets asked to translate the writing on the boxes since its in spanish 95% of the time
loves stocking the milk cooler so he can take home the expired sodas n shit
always forgets to remind customers when stuff costs extra
schlatt
that one transfer from another store that does everything
slightly wrong.
its been long enough now that he should know better but nobody wants to correct him.
eret
has tons of pins on his hat, 10/10
really good at making the wraps
always says hello when customers enter
karl
the new hire
immediately taken under sapnaps wing, much to the chagrin of dream
much more bread is now wasted out.
bbh and skeppy
regulars that are just. always there
they know all the employee gossip and get discounts on food
phil is .5 seconds away from asking them if they want a job
normal shift schedules
wilbur, tommy, tubbo (day shift)
dream, george, sapnap (night shift)
eret, niki, fundy (day shift)
technoblade, quackity, schlatt (night shift)
karl mainly works with the dteam, but jumps around
random things
the cookie incident
once tubbo accidently overbaked like 2 dozen cookies
so he and tommy ate all of them during their shift
they did not come into work the next day.
dream and techno rivalry
dream and technoblade have a rivaly about who can close and leave the store the quickest
eventually they decide to time themselves and race eachother on their respective shifts
techno wins with a time of 3 minutes before theyre officially allowed to close.
they both get yelled at by phil
technobladeâs only mistake
the only mistake technoblade has made ever was accidently leaving the bread cabinet open overnight
wilbur, tubbo, and tommy find it in the morning and have to throw all the bread out
tommy and tubbo split the bread and each leave with a garbage bag full of subway bread
wilbur still wont let techno live it down.
hacker things
once fundy hacked the POS system to give him a 100% discount
used it for about a month before someone (quackity) accidently pressed the option and snitched to phil
luckily, he just sighed and reset the system
cookie dough
wilbur comes up with the idea to pop raw cookie dough in the microwave and eat it half baked
phil comes in one day only to make -direct eye contact- with tommy as he and tubbo lick cookie dough off of some deli paper
allows it to happen as long as they pay for the dough
subway garlic bread
on a really slow day niki and eret are goofing off and create
~subway garlic bread~
it instantly becomes a secret menu favourite among employees and regulars
the bet
once skeppy bet quackity and schlatt that they wouldnt start a fake argument during rush hour
skeppy recorded the whole thing
technoblade can be seen in the backround silently making sandwiches as quackity and schlatt scream at eachother about if quackity has a âflatty pattyâ
phil tries to be mad but sees all the tips they made and lets is slide
sacrifices
george is the one always sacrificed to deal with the crabby middle aged moms
its his punishment for not helping during the rush.
torture
sometimes for fun wilbur takes his meal break right before the dinner rush
tommy stares at him in fury the whole time.
betting pool
none of the employees can tell if bbh and skeppy are dating
its to the point that they keep a betting chart on a white board next to the âtop failure of the weekâ spot
subway ghost
after a few freak instances wilbur is positive that the subway is haunted and convinces phil to let him do a séance after hours
he manages to convince half the staff that the store is haunted
(the ghost is drista or smth idk aksjdhajk)
top failure of the week
a tally on the white board in the back room of who dropped/wasted out thw most items
sapnap has the record top failure of the week, dropping a total of 42 loaves of bread in a week
schlatt got put on the board once. never again.
enamel pins
tubbo finds a enamel pin of a bee that he puts on his visor
its not technically allowed but phil lets him do it anyway :)
bandanas
tommy and tubbo take subway bandanas from the back room and initial them before trading with eachother
nobody comments that theyre not technically allowed to have a hat and a bandana
the war
at some point a rivalry breaks out between the day staff
wilbur, tommy, tubbo, niki, eret, and fundy
and the night staff
dream, sapnap, george (techno, karl, schlatt, and quackity stay out of it)
what starts out tame eventually leads to workers purposely messing up stuff for the next shift to deal with, like not stocking the fridge or mopping the floorÂ
at some point eret switches to the night shift
the day shift does not take it well.
 after about 2 weeks phil is forced to step in as the store quality starts to go downhill
he closes the store for a day and makes everyone clean it u
 techno watches from outside the windows with a bag of popcorn
pogway
tommy starts placing the stickers they use to wrap sandwiches everywhere with the words âpogwayâ on them
everyone can tell its his handwriting but no one can catch him placing the stickers
phil even checked the cameras, still no trace of him
subway gun
sometimes tommy goes around spraying others with a spray bottle full of water used on the bread
he calls it the âsubway gunâ
wilbur gets fed up hides it in the freezer overnight
thats all for now! if i come up with anything else i might add it lol
EDIT PART 2 IS NOW OUT
2K notes
·
View notes
there's a limit on how much you can be an isekai intellectual...
a bunch of analyses have been popping up before me all day so i wanted to throw my hat into the ring. all love to ppl who are exercising their creative minds + ppl like geoff here who just talk about these things because of fan interest but i feel like there reaches a point where exploring the "types" of isekai is pointless? i've seen ppl list out the different types of villainess revenge isekai or fantasy mmorpg isekai but eh why fit them all into separate boxes like that?
i think it's easier to think of isekai as a "type" (genre) of itself with only two categories: 1) a focus on isekai (lit. another world) 2) tensei (lit. to be reborn). this allows for a variety of applications and thus tropes that ppl see so many trends of!
with isekai - in another world
you see everything from:
pure fantasy (inuyasha, digimon wait maybe not the best example but in my childhood mind i count digimon as pure fantasy, fushigi yugi)
mmorpg inspired fantasy/adventure (.hack//legend of twilight, sao ugh, log horizon, overlord (LOVE OVERLORD!)
otome game-esque worlds >>> this is where it gets complicated with "villainess routes" since i admit there are multiple villainess tropes but this is why it's nice to not think of this as a "sub-type/genre" bc it frees you from those complications! (the saint's magic power is omnipotent, the white cat's revenge as plotted from the dragon king's lap soso cute!, the savior's book cafe in another world, i'm a villainous daughter so i'm going to keep the last boss wait i can't remember if she's reborn in this one lmaooo see this is why rules make everything hard)
with tensei storylines - being reincarnated/reborn in another world as *insert character/role*
you see...
the same tropes!!
pure fantasy (a returner's magic should be special, reminiscence adonis, the lady and the beast, light and shadow, i can't think of a manga off the top of my head for this ah)
mmorpg inspired fantasy/adventure (so i'm a spider so what i stan kumoko so hard, her majesty's swarm, can't name another off the top of my head ah i hate lists shorter than two things...)
self-insert based games/novels (fiance's observation log of a self-proclaimed villainess, who made me a princess, death is the only ending for the villainess, the villainess wants to marry a commoner, honestly games vs novels are different applications but i'm not in the headspace to try to remember a bunch of both lol)
*insert line break to give random ppl a break from scrolling but tl; dr just enjoy things for what they are no need to micro analyze*
similar variations occur in both genres (if ppl want to be super technical i guess i'm arguing that isekai itself is a massive genre that has the "another world" subgenre and "reincarnation" subgenre tl; dr) so i think it's honestly a huge pain to try to separate all these trends into so many different types of stories. for me personally it's easier to not get overwhelmed by this gigantic umbrella of "isekai" that spans light novels, manhwa, manga, and mobile games by just stripping each story down into its trademark tropes (aka character archetypes, story structures) and slapping "oh this is a person going to a world that's not ours" and "this person gets reborn as blank in another world". none of this "omg this power fantasy is such a this kind of isekai moment" or "there are 14 different types of villainess revenge stories and this series fits into this" bc AH labels! limitations! circle-jerks via ppl trying to compartmentalize everything and sound smart for leaving a comment on story analysis instead of ooh-ahhing over a character's face! dividing things into light novel manga vs manga vs korean manhwa ft. female characters!
the last bit is mainly why i feel frustrated by ppl's insistence to group everything?
the video linked at the beginning of the post (honestly good video essay, i enjoyed it, i just kept thinking in my head the whole time "marimo these are tropes do not take the genre talk literally") has a baby comment thread talking about "korean isekai manhwas" as a genre featuring nothing but reincarnated villainess' and i can't.
like i cannot acknowledge that as a genre of any sort. the energy i felt reading through some of those insights takes me back to 2012 when all yt americans discovered k-pop and deemed all korean music k-pop from then on! (ppl still do this now, yes you are seen and don't talk to me pls i don't like you. k-pop is korean pop music and nothing less and nothing more. take a few seconds and try to parse apart aspects of korean culture instead of slamming everything into a monolithic label that has the letter k and a hyphen.) it feels so odd to see a bunch of young ppl on ig and tiktok acknowledge korean media that happens to be in the form of a webtoon as "oh stories all about young girls becoming villains in stories they made/played" bc it feels so reductive u.u
(positionality disclaimer that i'm praying isn't actually necessary: i am a 3rd-generation korean of japanese descent do not fite me i am exhausted irl of ppl asking for validation/verification bc massive shove off.)
breaking news! korean manhwa...is just as multifaceted as japanese manga...bc how can comics as an art-form not have multiple genres...huh such a shocker?!?! same likely applies to media in other parts of the world like chinese manhwa and french comics--not my place to explain either of those i just know those industries exist bc of wakfu and donghua shows by Tencent.
at the end of the day it's not like analyzing any kind of isekai is wrong--absolutely not!! i think it can be super fun to think about how isekai elements complicate a story (MCs trying to go back home, ppl from the og world, reincarnation plot-twists) or maybe even bash a series for including some kind of other world element when they could have just written a super fun fantasy.
insert marimo's brief ramble that hey you can get sick of truck-kun's hitting disillusioned guys who happen to be super duper smart or girls who happen to be master chefs/craftsmen but transporting a fully-grown being into a fantasy setting is the ultimate cheat code for making mundane modern technology seem cool and overpowered, and being reincarnated as a fully grown person in a world with a pre-made story/game set-up completely bypasses the need for an author to slowly flesh out world-building in a natural progression so isekai is actually a really smart writing tool it's just that there are some series where the author didn't use it well at all and it's cheesy or clearly isekai was misused as a vehicle for character/story development and it was pointless *DEEP BREATH OUT*
in this essay i will argue...lol i am such a culture studies major!! if i were an english major i would be talking all about writing but here i am having a side-tangent about world-building via someone being reborn wow i love this for me (don't get me started on when an author has someone reincarnate as a baby and the story is mostly them having warm fluffy moments with their family--typically father figures--and getting lots of powers i could and would and probably will rant about east asian toxicity)
but anyway am i crazy????? like yes for being passionate about the technical use of a word like genre (i am a scorpio rising let me be fussy pls) but i don't think it's a lot to ask for ppl to not unironically see "villainess revenge isekai" as the definition of korean manhwa.
idk as someone who resonates with why japanese isekai is so popular domestically + why a lot of korean manhwa feat. the same tropes (it's not for great reasons lads it's actually depressing tbh) i'm just starting to feel kind of pained by the generalization and need to separate "cute japanese girl in an otome game"/"japanese boy finds a harem in another world" from "korean girl dies and comes back as a villainess" bc they are just! applications to the same story device!!
recommendations for any who makes it this far down below <3
// also gladly recommend any of the examples i've listed in the above rant as i've read/watched all of them and adore them v much! //
save me princess
super refreshing fantasy manhwa ft. a princess and her ex-boyfriend having to save the world!
the beginning after the end
an AMERICAN web novel turned into a comic (but see it being not korean/japanese doesn't really matter when you just consider isekai as a genre...isn't it nice to not overthink it?) ft. a super-powerful wizard king reincarnated into another world and starting from scratch--gives mushoku tensei vibes but huge twists!
the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion
love love LOVE this story--read the title and you'll learn how this girl reincarnated as the character raeliana in a book gets married to a duke!
trash of the count's family
such a good novel!! a guy gets reborn as a lazy oaf and he takes the hero of the story under his wing...plot twists come up later on!
this time i will definitely be happy!
v good and refreshing for a shorter series! she's been reborn 3 times and remembers every time the hero's stabbed her in the back, and now she just wants to break up with him!
silver diamond
older manga but v good adventure w intrigue! a boy who loves plants get sucked into a desert world with demonic lizards and a mysterious bodyguard by his side. shonen-ai not BL but wonderful vibes nonetheless + great side characters!
the princess imprints a traitor
adore everything in this from the world (not in that way this society makes me so angry) to the machinations at play and the dynamic between the fl and ml
107 notes
·
View notes
comfort hcs đ feat. overworked! reader
characters: yaku, oikawa, yams & akaashi
trigger warning: swearing
thank you to anon for this sweet request!
morisuke yaku
⥠he has concerned mom energy to i feel like heâd notice that youâre overworking yourself before starts negatively effecting youÂ
⥠once he figures out that youâre actually stressed and heâs not just being paranoid, he will probably hold an intervention where is like âsit down, letâs have a cha--â
⥠but you just push him out the way to grab your coat, âsorry, sweetheart. i donât wanna miss my bus!â
⥠DFRTYJUHG he just stood there like a statue looking at you like (â__â) this bitch-
⥠anyway, once you come back from uni/college/school/ work etc yaku insists that you need to sit down and discuss your problems with himÂ
⥠then youâre kinda just like âwhat problems?????â
⥠also, after what happened that morning, yaku was not taking ânoâ as an answer
⥠no matter what you sayÂ
⥠homework? you can do that later
⥠chores? heâll do them for you if you just listen to him
⥠hungry? you can eat while you listen to him
⥠showering? you smell fine!
⥠so yeah, he will pick you up and carry you to the living room if he has to
⥠heâs probably really serious about the issue bc your feelings arenât a joke to him but he lined up your favourite plushies on the couch so he could talk to them as a third party when you disagreed with him
â„ăâĄăâ„ăâĄăâ„ăâĄăâ„
âi study in moderation! and i have not been neglecting our relationship; i just need to focus on my studies!â you tutted, averting your gaze from yakuâs as you thought about his accusation; did he really feel as though you had been taking him for granted? because of course, that wasnât your intention at all and the more you thought about it, the more you realise that perhaps he was right.
yaku rolled his eyes at your response, quite enraged by your dismissive tendencies but he didnât want to take his anger out on you so he simply turned to the kiiroitori plush that sat beside him, âduck, do you think (l/n) has been overworking themselves and ignoring both of us?â
kiirotori was forced by yakuâs hand to nod in response.
you snorted slightly before trying to furrow your eyebrows in anger once again, âtheir name is kiiroitori!âÂ
tĆru oikawa
⥠dsfghjkl ngl he clearly overworks himself too so he wouldnïżœïżœïżœt even noticeÂ
⥠heâs like âoh, youâre spending hours upon hours of a day - losing sleep and energy - to dedicate yourself solely to one thing so you can be perfect at it??? thatâs completely normal!â
⥠spoiler alert, itâs not
⥠itâd probably take a third-party to point that what you are both doing isnât healthy (either iwaizumi or a therapist)
⥠then youâd both look at each other like â_â wutÂ
⥠anyway recovery time ig âš
⥠heâd definitely just try distract you whenever he sees you studying/training/practising
⥠forget overwork, he doesnât even let you workÂ
⥠oh and yâall have started having âlazy daysâ once a month where you make it a point to nothing but each other :))
â„ăâĄăâ„ăâĄăâ„ăâĄăâ„
you both stared at the television, pretending to be absolutely engrossed by jumanji. however, once you let out your fifth sigh that minute, oikawa could tell that you were just as disinterested as he was so he peered over his shoulder to look at you, âthis is so boring.âÂ
you nodded, shuffling closer to him so he could drape his arm around your shoulder and bury his nose into your hair. âitâs so hard to just sit here and do nothing when i know that i have a lot to do, yâknow?â
oikawa hummed in agreement, âbut itâs nice to finally spend some quality time with you, angel.â he placed a kiss on your temple, scooting awkwardly in his seat before pulling you down to lay down next to him on couch.Â
âyeah,â you purred, happily falling onto the soft cushions while in oikawaâs embrace, âiâve suddenly had a change of heart - i love these lazy days.â
âthat was fast.â
tadashi yamaguchi
⥠it would take him a wile to built up the courage to actually express his concern about you overworking yourself
⥠but until then, heâll show them in more subtle ways
⥠like if he sees you working at your desk - whether your posture is straight or not - heâll rush up to you and massage your shoulders/back while talking
⥠he always sends you goodnight texts and gets v snappy when you text him in the middle of the nightÂ
⥠ âtadashi, what did you get for number five on the maths hw?â
⥠if he opens the message and notices that you sent that crazy late at night or the ass crack of dawn, heâll lose his shit
⥠ â(Y/N) WHY WERE U UP AT 3AM DOING MATHS HW LITERALLY GO TO SLEEPâ
⥠he forces himself to ask you out on dates irl so that if you use work/training/practise etc as an excuse..he can give the puppy eyes đ„ș
⥠donât get me wrong, heâs not manipulative at all but you just overwork yourself so much he think that the teeniest tiniest little bit of fun wouldnât do you any harmÂ
⥠he literally cares for you so much and he just wants you to be healthy and happy like is that too much to ask àČ„_àČ„
⥠it would take him 3 months of mental preparation to confront you but heâd do it eventually lol
⥠heâd still be super duper nervous though đđ
 â„ăâĄăâ„ăâĄăâ„ăâĄăâ„
â(y/n).â yamaguchiâs soft voice rang quietly through the hallway before he stuck his head inside your room in search for you. he let out a sigh upon noticing that - like always - you were sitting at your desk, drowning in papers of schoolwork.Â
he hurriedly approached you, suddenly throwing his arms around your shoulders as he hid his face in the crook of your neck before wailing, â(y/n)! i know itâs none of my business but i just think you work yourself way too hard and i see how sleepy you are all the time and you didnât even eat the cupcakes i made you because you were too busy studying - i thought you loved my cupcakes!â
your eyes widened at the sudden contact and the string of words yamaguchi was babbling in your ear; but you semi-understood what he was getting at. so you steadily turned around to wrap your arms around his neck and rub his spine reassuringly, âi am so sorry, tadashi. i had no idea i was worrying you.â
he shook his head against the skin of your neck, âitâs fine, i worry about everything.â he joked before changing to a more serious tone, âitâs just that-- i think you should care more about yourself. take some time to relax once and a while, yâknow?â
his sweet words resulted in your lips curling to a smile while his arms wrapped securely around your body brought you a much-needed feeling of peace, âalright, iâll try.â
âgood.â yamaguchi chirped, pecking your forehead then positioning his face where it was prior, going back to enjoying the feeling of your soft skin agaist his. â-so, are you gonna eat the cupcakes orâ
keiji akaashiÂ
⥠he overworks himself too
⥠if anything, i think heâd praise you for being âhard-workingâ at first â:)
⥠but once he notices how much you work and how negatively itâs effecting your mental/physical health, heâll intervene
⥠like yamaguchi, i think heâd start small by subtly doing things to reverse the effects of your stressÂ
⥠and simultaneously, it kinda helps him too
⥠for example, if you get stress ance, heâll do a bunch of research on the best skin treatments for it, buy the products then do facemasks with you + create a whole new nightly skincare routine for both of youÂ
⥠or if your not taking care of yourself properly, heâll book you both in for a spa appointmentÂ
⥠or if youâre tense, heâll get you both massages from those professional ppl that make you strip naked
⥠when they make you get your tiddies out, you know they are a professional masseuse
⥠and heâll take out on ten times more just to help you relax
⥠also, theyâre always slow-paced dates bc like ofc akaashi takes you out to the park/beach for picnics....does he seem the sort of guy to take you bowling?? no.
â„ăâĄăâ„ăâĄăâ„ăâĄăâ„
you sighed as akaashi brought a spoon up to your lips, looking at you expectantly but you simply whined, âkeiji, i should be at home studying right now. you know my exam in 5 months, right?â though akaashi wanted to believe you were joking, the seriousness in your voice made it clear that you genuinely thought 5 months was a short period of time - even considering all the work youâve already done in preparation for it.Â
so akaashi simply shrugged in response, continuing to prod your lip with the spoon until you parted you lips, allowing the pudding he made to enter your mouth. then, he pulled it out lower it to observe your pouty expression for a moment; you were so cute that he couldnât help but smile softly.Â
âiâm sure youâll do fine, sweetheart. i believe in you.â he said, gripping your waist before placing a tender kiss on your cheek. âfor now, letâs enjoy this perfect weather. it only comes around once a year, so why not make the most of it, hm?âÂ
before you were able to reply, akasshi utilized the hand the had on your waist to pull you back onto the picnic blanket with him, so you were both looking up at the pale blue sky, decorated with delicate clouds. âwhat do you see?â he inquired, gesturing up to the shapes the clouds formed.
you snickered, slowly intertwining your finger with his as you examined the sky for any familiar shapes or silhouettes in the sky. âoh!â you exclaimed, lifting your index finger to point to a particular cloud adorning the sky, âthat kinda looks like my maths professor in a gallon hat.âÂ
akaashi snorted, âi have no idea what your maths professor looks like but alright.â
you laughed, lowing your finger but not everting your gaze from the special cloud you spotted, âwhat about you, babe? what do you see?â
with a moment of hesitation, akaashi immediately replied, âan angel.â
your eyes scanned across the sky for a cloud in the shape on an angel but you simply couldnât find the one he was referring to, so you whipped your head to the side to see where he was pointing, only notice that his eyes were fixated on you.Â
ây-youâre such a simp, keiji.â
107 notes
·
View notes
davis tower kingsley (listed here on the cfar instructor page) who harassed a cis woman about her appearance another cis women reported this to acdc (the people who wrote the thing about how brent was great) and afaict they did nothing, claims that if trans people and gay people dont "repent and submit to the pope" they will burn in hell, defended the spanish inquisitions, wrote about how the mission system werent actually abductions, slavery, forced conversions and this was propaganda, defends pretty much any atrocity that an authority, "believes" the catholic god exists and does not try and destroy them, submits to them. and so much more.
born into another era they would actually work for the california mission system and say it was good.
said thing that cached out to that emma and somni should repent and submit to the rationalist community. wrote up a rant about "how about fuck you. go lick the boots of your dark mistress anna salamon." didnt send. got kicked by some rationalist, reasoning is probably that what id say would disrupt their peaceful machinations of omnicide, would be infohazards, because... the information is hazardous to their social order.
a few of these things are subjects of future blog posts.
--
cfar has never hired a trans woman, i have lots of logs of them trying to do what people did to porpentine. claiming emma thinks torturing children is hot, claiming emma was physically violent, claiming emma was indistinguishable from a rapist, claiming ziz was a "gross uncle style abuser", claiming somni was enticing people to rape, claiming that anna salamon was a small fragile woman and ziz was large and had muscles. as if any of our strength or speed had anything to do with our muscles in this place. all of these things are false except relative size difference between ziz and anna which is just transmisogynistic and irrelevant.
if they lie about are algorithms claim that we are using male-typical strategies and then they can fail by these lies and be sidelined by callout posts that transfered 350,000$ from miri despite their best efforts to cover this up. (all benefited by having relative political advantagr flowing from estrogenized brain modules. men are kind of npc's in this particular game of fem v fem cyberontological warfare for the fate of the multiverse, mostly making false patriarchal assumptions that ziz was doing things for social status. like status sensitivity is hormonally mediated, your experiences are not universal. or saying like kingsley is saying that people should repent and submit to whatever authorities in the rationalist region they submit to. NO. FUCK YOU. i will not repent and submit to your abusive dark mistress anna salamon.
i knew anna salamon was doing the edgy "transfems are all secretly male" thing before i talked with ziz. it was a thing, {zack, carrie}, ben hoffman, michael vassar were also in on it. ppl had men trapped in mens bodies on their bookshelves because the cool people were reading it. didnt think she was being *transmisogynistic* about it until i talked with ziz. in retrospect i was naive.)
also? anarchistic coordination ive had with people have been variously called lex's cluster, somni's cluster, ziz's cluster by authoritarians who cant imagine power structures between people that arent hierarchical. like based on who they want to say is "infohazardously corrupting people" emma goldman had to deal with this shit too where the cops tried to say she was friends with anyone who thought anarchism made sense. people she didnt know at all who did their own anarchism. because authoritarians dont think in terms of philosophy, they think any challenge to their power is a disease that needs to be eliminated and you just need to doxx their network.
like if ziz and somni and emma were all actually infohazardous rapists as people keep trying to claim we are and then saying "oh no i didnt mean it i swear" and then doing it again. what would happen isnt that a bunch of infohazardous rapists start talking and working together for a common goal. what actually happens with people of that neurotype is they partition up the territory into rival areas of feeding on people like gangs do.
like they dont get together and start talking a lot about decision theory and cooperate in strange new ways.
not that the people lying about emma, ziz, gwen, somni and others are trying to have accurate beliefs. they are trying what all athoritarians try with anarchist groups. unfortunately for them, ive read the meta, i know dread secrets of psychology and cooperation that they claim are like painful static and incomprehensible, yet despite being "incomprehensible" are almost certainly harmful. if harm is to be judged against upholding the current regime, and the current regime is evil, then lots of true information and good things will look harmful. like ive tested this out in different social spheres what people claim is "incomprehensible" is the stuff that destroys whatever regime they are working in. like someone said i sounded like i was crazy and homeless and couldnt understand me when i pointed out that reorienting your life, your time, your money, to a human who happens to be genetically related to you for 16 years is altruistic insanity. just do the math. eliezer, anna, michael, brian tomasik all once took heroic responsibility for the world at some point in their lives and could do a simple calculation and make the right choice. none of them have children.
pretending that peoples "desires" "control them", when "desires" are part of the boundary of the brain, part of the brains agency and are contingent on what you expect to get out of things. like before stabbing myself with a piece of metal would make me feel nauseated, id see black dots, and feel faint. but after i processed that stabbing myself would cure brain damage and make me more functional, all this disappeared.
most people who "want" to have children have this desire downstream of a belief that someone else will take heroic responsibility for the world, they dont need to optimize as much. there are other competent people. if they didnt they would feel differently and make different choices.
you can see the contingency of how people feel about something on what they get out of it lots of places. like:
<<Meanwhile, a Ngandu woman confessed, "after losing so many infants I lost courage to have sex.">>
but people lie about how motivation works, in order to protect the territory of saying "well i just need a steady input of nubile fems so i can concentrate and be super altruistic!" or "i just need spend 16 years of life reorienting around humans who happen to be genetically related to me and my friends so i can concentrate and be super altruistic!" when neither of these are true. these people just want nubile fems, they just want babies. (the second one has much much less negative externalities though. you could say i am using my female brain modules to say "yeah the archetypically female strat, though it has the same amount of lying, is less harmful". but like it actually is less directly harmful. the harm from gaslighting people downstream of diverting worldsaving resources and structure to secure a place to {hit on fems, raise babies} is ruinous. means that worldsaving plans that interfere with either of these are actively fought. and the knowledge that neither of these are altruistic optimizations, neither is Deeply Wise they are as dumb in terms of global optimization as they seem initially, is agentically buried.
this warps things in deep ways, that were a priori unexpected to me.)
this is obvious, but when i talk about it, the objection isnt that it doesnt make utilitarian sense, the objection is that "im talking like a crazy person". authoritarians say this to me too when i assert my right to my property that they took, act like im imposing on them. someone else asked if i could "act like a human" and do what he wanted me to do when i was thinking and talking with my friends. all of these things authoritarians have said to me "act like a human" "talk like a normal person i cant understand you" were to coerce my submission. they construct the category of "human" and then say im in violation of it and this is wrong and i should rectify it. i am talking perfectly good english right now. you can read this.
anna salamon, kelsey piper, elle, pete michaud, and many others all try to push various narratives of somni, emma, ziz, gwen and others being in the buckets {RAPIST, PSYCHO, BRAINWASHED}. im not a rapist, im not psychotic, im not brainwashed. before ziz came along, people were claiming i was brainwashing people, its a narrative they keep reusing.
porpentine talks about communities that do this, that try and pull trap doors beneath trans women:
<<For years, queer/trans/feminist scenes have been processing an influx of trans fems, often impoverished, disabled, and/or from traumatic backgrounds. These scenes have been abusing them, using them as free labor, and sexually exploiting them. The leaders of these scenes exert undue influence over tastemaking, jobs, finance, access to conferences, access to spaces. If someone resists, they are disappeared, in the mundane, boring, horrible way that many trans people are susceptible to, through a trapdoor that can be activated at any time. Housing, community, reputationâgone. No one mourns them, no one asks questions. Everyone agrees that they must have been crazy and problematic and that is why they were gone.>>
https://thenewinquiry.com/hot-allostatic-load/
(a mod of rationalist feminists deleted this almost immediately from the group as [[not being a good culture fit]], not being relevant to rationalism, and written in the [[wrong syntax]]. when its literally happening right now, they are trying to trapdoor transfems who protest and rebel asap. just like google.)
canmom on tumblr talks about the strategic use of "incomprehensibility" against transfems. and how its not about "comprehensibility". i have a different theory of this, but her thing is also a thing.
<<Likewise, @isoxys recently wrote an impressively thorough transmisogyny 101, synthesising the last several years of discussions about this facet of our particular hell world. But that post got just 186 notes, almost exclusively from the same trans women who are accused of writing âinaccessiblyâ.
Perhaps theyâd say isoxysâs post is inaccessible too, but what would pass the bar? Some slick HTML5 presentation with cute illustrations? A wiki? Whoâs got the energy and money to make and host something like that? Do the critics of âinaccessibleâ posts take some time to think about what kind of alternative would be desirable, and how it could be organised?>>
https://canmom.tumblr.com/post/185908592767/accessibility-in-terms-of-not-using-difficult
alice maz talks about the psychology behind the kind of cop kelsey piper, david tower kingsley, elle and others are:
<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>
https://www.alicemaz.com/writing/alien.html
anna salamon wrote a thing implying that ziz, somni, gwen suffered some sort of vague mental issues from going to aisfp. (writing a post on this.) alyssa vance tried to suggest i believe cfar is evil because im homeless. but sarah constantin, ben hoffman, {carrie, zack}, jessica taylor (the last three who have blogged a lot about whats deeply wrong) (not listing others because not wanting to doxx a network to authoritarians, who just want to see it contained. and the disease of "infohazards" eradicated.) are not homeless and ive talked with many of them and read blog posts. and they know that cfar is fake. jessica (former miri employee) left because miri was fake.
anna and others are trying to claim that theres some person responsible for a [[mass psychotic break]] that causes people to... independently update in the same direction. and have variously blamed it on ziz, somni, michael vassar. but like mass psychotic breaks arent...really a thing, would not be able to independently derive something, plan on writing a blogpost on it, and then see ben hoffman had written http://benjaminrosshoffman.com/engineer-diplomat/ and i was like "ah good then i dont have to write this." and have this happen with several different people.
like this is more a mass epistemic update that miri / cfar / ssc / lw are complicit in the destruction of the world. and will defend injustice and gaslight people and lie about the mathematical properties of categories to protect this.
they all know exactly what they are doing, complicity with openai and deepmind in hopes of taking the steering wheel away at the last second. excluding non-human life and dead humans from the CEV to optimize some political process, writing in an absolute injunction to an fai against some outcome to protect from blackmail when that makes it more vulnerable.(see:
https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/hyperexistential_separation.html
hyperexistential separation: if an fai cant think of hell, an fai cant send the universe to hell in any timeline. this results in lower net utility. if you put an absolute injunction against any action for being too terrible you cant do things like what chelsea manning did and i believe actually committed to hungerstriking until death in the worlds where the government didnt relent, choosing to die in those timelines. such that most of her measure ended up in a world where the government read this commitment in her and so relented.
if chelsea manning had an absolute injunction against ever dying in any particular timeline, she would get lower expected utility across the multiverse. similarly, in newcombs problem if you had an absolute injunction against walking away with 0$ in any timeline because that would be too horrible, you get less money in expectation. for any absolute injunction against things that are Too Horrible you can construct something like this.
--
a lot of humans seem to be betting on "nothing too horrible can happen to anyone" in hopes that it pays off in nothing too horrible happening to you.
the end result of not enacting ideal justice is the deaths of billions. at each timestamp saying "its too late to do it now, but maybe it would have been good sometime in the past". with the same motive that miri wants to exclude dead people from the cev, they arent part of the "current political process". so you can talk about them as if they were not moral patients, just like they treat their fellow animals.
(ben hoffman talks about different attitudes towards ideal justice coming upon the face of the earth.)
--
https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html
cev:
<<But again, we fall back on the third reply: "The people who are still alive" is a simple Schelling circle to draw that includes everyone in the current political process. To the extent it would be nice or fair to extrapolate Leo Szilard and include him, we can do that if a supermajority of EVs decide* that this would be nice or just. To the extent we don't bake this decision into the model, Leo Szilard won't rise from the grave and rebuke us. This seems like reason enough to regard "The people who are still alive" as a simple and obvious extrapolation base.>>
https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html
this is an argument from might makes right. because dead people and nonhuman animals cant fight back.
->"i think we should give planning of the town to the white people, then extrapolate their volition and if they think doing nice things for black people is a good idea, we'll do it! no need to bake them in to the town planning meetings, as they are arent part of the current political process and no one here will speak up for them."
i dont plan to exclude dead people or any sentient creatures from being baked in to fai. they are not wards of someone else. enslaving and killing fellow sentient life will not continue after the singularity even if lots of humans want it and dont care and wont care even after lots of arguments.) and so much else.
the list of all specific grievances would take a declaration of independence.
like with googles complicity with ICE having a culture of trapdooring transfems (for some reason almost the only coherent group that has the moral fiber to oppose these injustices, that is p(transfem|oppose injustice in a substantiative way) is high, not necc the reverse.) who question this sort of thing.
thinking of giving sarah constantin a medal thats engraved with "RIGHTEOUS AMONG CIS PEOPLE: I HAD SEVERAL SUBSTANTIAL DISAGREEMENTS WITH HER ABOUT LOAD BEARING PARTS OF HER LIFE AND SHE NEVER ONCE TRIED TO CALL ME A RAPIST, PSYCHOTIC, OR BRAINWASHED" thats where the bar is at, its embedded in the core of the earth.
kelsey piper, elle benjamin, anna salamon, pete michaud, and lots more have entirely failed to clear this bar. anna and kelsey saying they dont understand stuff somni, emma, ziz and other transfems talk about but its probably dangerous and infohazardous and its not to be engaged with philosophically. just like the shelter people acting as if my talking about their transmisogyny was confusing and irrational to be minimized and not engaged with. just like any authoritarian where when you start talking about your rights and what is right and wrong and what makes sense they are like "i dont understand this. you are speaking gibberish why are you being so difficult? all we need you to do is submit or leave."
and no i will NOT SHUT UP about this injustice. all miri/cfar people can do at this point is say "the things these people write are infohazards" then continue to gaslight others they cant engage on a philosophical level. all the can say is that what i am saying is meaningless static and yet also somehow dangerous.
::
it doesnt make sense to have and raise babies if you are taking heroic responsibility for the world. doesnt make sense to need a constant supply of fems to have sex with if you are taking heroic responsibility for the world. people who claim either of these pairs of things are lying, maybe expect someone else to take heroic responsibility for the world or exist in a haze.
the mathematics of categories and anticipations dont allow for the thing you already have inside you to be modified based on the expected smiles it gives your community. this is used to gaslight people like "calling this lying would be bad for the institutions, not optimize ev. thus by this blogpost you are doing categories wrong' this is a mechanism to cover dishonesty for myopic gains.
using the above, a bunch of people colluding with the baby industrial complex get together and say that the "beat" meaning of altruism includes having babies (but maybe not having sex with lots of fems? depending on which gendered strategy gets the most people in the colluding faction) because other meanings would make people sad and unmotivated. burying world optimizers ability to talk about and coordinate around actual altruism.
openAI and deepmind are not alignment orgs. cfar knows this and claims they are, gaslighting their donors, in hopes of taking the steering wheel at the last moment.
alyssa vance says paying out to blackmail is fine, its not.
CFAR manipulated donation metrics to hide low donations.
MIRI lied about its top 8 most probable hypotheses for why its down 350,000$ this year.
anna salamon is transmisogynistic, this is why cfar has never hired a trans women despite trans women being extremely good at mental tech. instead the hire people like davis kingsley.
kingsley lied about anna not being involved at hiring in cfar in order to claim anna couldnt be responsible for cfar never hiring a trans woman.
a cfar employee claimed anna salamon hired their rapist, was angry about it. mentioned incidentally how anna salamon, president and cofounder of cfar, was involved in hiring at cfar.
acdc wrote a big thing where defended a region of injustice (brent dill) because of their policy of modular ethics. when really, if you defend injustice at any point, you have to defend the defense and the thing iteratively spreads across your organization like a virus.
miri / cfar caved to louie helm.
not doing morality or decision theory right. among which is: https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/hyperexistential_separation.html and https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html
and so much more.
8 notes
·
View notes
clicks my fingers to no humanly discernible rhythm as i strut bk onto the dash w chara number two!! (itâs me nai bk again bt this time wearing a stick on moustache). bradleyâs pinterest is HERE n u kno the drill mre abt her under the cut n like this fr those Sweet Sweet plots!!
MARGARET QUALLEY / CIS-FEMALE â donât look now, but is that bradley milligan i see? the 23 year old psychology student is in their junior year and she is a rochester alum. i hear they can be brave, resilient, destructive and ruthless, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet she will make a name for themselves living in off campus. ( nai. 23. gmt. she/her. )
aesthetics: singeing a hole in your fishnets with the cherry of a menthol, spitting a pistachio behind the bar just to hear it ping off the nozzle top bottles, lemon in a fresh cut, a war torn poppy standing alone in an empty field, poking bruises, stomping over flowerbeds when thereâs a path right next to it, dangling over ledges just to feel your chest jolt, a snarling rottweiler that should be muzzled, limp feet poking out behind a door, âI PROMISE I DONâT BITEâ scrawled on a name tag, slapping a bald head in front of you at the cinema like itâs a bongo, not owning a single jacket that isnât stolen, driving a stolen car in the wrong lane against the traffic, blowing coke in someoneâs face after asking âhey, does this smell funny to you?â, hair more feral than a wolf cub and eyes smudgier than a coal mine. Â
BACKGROUND:
father runs a gang n strip club in queens called âno angelsâ tht fronts an affluent drug trade, primarily coke. his name is tony milligan n his gang is p infamous around there fr being jst likeâŠ. completely cutthroat n awful. they were nicknamed âtonyâs rottweilersâ by locals bc he bsically has all of these trained dogs on leash at his command n theyâre still a growing organisation tday
heâs pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs likeâŠ.. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse
in terms of more family bkground info her mumâs name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst likeâŠ. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially âguess she didnât love us enough to stayâ. as bradleyâs got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, itâs become pretty clear there was far more to the story.
they had a horrible marriage n tony ws quite violent at the best of times, which didnât help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just⊠not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else on top of tht, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much⊠would look after her a lot n theyâd both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole mess.
anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradleyâs dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just⊠got rid. bradleyâs kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didnât jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt sheâs too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him
when her mum went all of her dadâs cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jstâŠ. a steep downhill decline frm tht point onwards
she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they werenât healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like itâs the only way to remind her sheâs alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n sometimes gets other ppl in trouble too bc sheâs so insatiably reckless
she hdâŠ.2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging sheâs been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly doesâŠ. not kno how to properly emotion
CUT TO!!!! huntington beach. sheâs currently living in a spacious loft above a rly busy bar tht i picture like. p close to campus so a lot of students prob frequent it?? she loves it bc she can sit on the window sill smoking n argue w ppl tht walk past drunk. jst randomly callin out like. nice chest hair Loser. i feel like she hasnât even paid fr wifi she jst uses the barâs free one n like. goes in there expecting free drinks all the time?? is jst like erm? i live here? let me drink? this is my house? aka sheâs. a lot.
her dadâs opening up a new strip club (also called no angels bc heâs trying to lowkey make it like a chain) n heâs only allowed her to make the move bc sheâs overseeing it kind of???? as well as a few guys tht worked fr him back in queens. one in particular called billy hs made the move n heâs a menace so. three cheers fr anarchy!
PERSONALITY:
the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for
once drank a bottle of whiskey, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old manâs front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried
barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%
if she was a coffee sheâd be black with five grains of sugar that you couldnât taste until the last sip
high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin
loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u and u murder a man in cold blood sheâll brawl anyone that says ur guilty
honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes sheâll jst be having a bad day n sheâll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. a minefield!
has the worst luck in romanceâŠ. ever. the majority of her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she kind of has the âromance is dead n love is a lieâ mentality
speakin of which i feel like sheâs bi bt wldnt have dated a girl or anythin. like guys r probablyâŠ. her preference just bc historically theyv treated her worse n she hs a very self destructive personality like that. sexy!
dresses like courtney love, 2014 sky ferreira and a character from this is england had a baby. mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hd kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently sheâs allergic to combs and generally looking presentable⊠relatable content
sheâs v sarcastic. sometimes blunt. kind of has a habit ofâŠ. assessing a person n sheâs quite perceptive bc sheâs been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dadâs expression fr the slightest emotion change. sheâs quite confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever. sort of independent too like she hs a bunch of friends bt she doesnât care abt going out places alone if sheâs in a certain mood n jst wantsâŠâŠ to get into chaos. sheâs probably kind of known around campus bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy
likes: fishnets, stealing cars, throwing watermelons off rooftops and whiskey
dislikes: amy schumer, honesty, yellow tulips and going home
PLOTS:
someone tht got a job at the new strip club her dad opened up in town?? either as a dancer or bartender or whtever. just a forewarning itâs probably gna b a pretty..... seedy and Not That Pleasant environment bc itâs like. a crime hotspot inevitably bc itâs a gang hangout so. ur chara wld truly be in fr a rollercoaster ride to say the least
she deals coke fr her dadâs gang bt itâs more like. a hobby than a steady source of income tht she Needs bc she just likes the thrill of the fact tht encounters in tht line of work can turn sour tbh. a Thrill Seeker! mayb she deals to ur muse??
anyoneâŠ.. sheâs brawled in the past like. sheâs literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someoneâs face fr no reason bc sheâs bored. sheâs probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think thtâs a sexy prospect!
fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship wteverâŠ. ur muse is like like bradley is. a handful)
mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like thereâs probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily Sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n kicked the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it
ppl sheâŠâŠ. Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination
on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesnât kno hw to compute it
um. honestly the worldâs our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!
7 notes
·
View notes
under the cut is all 30-ish asks LOL iâve tagged those who didnât go on anon!! if i missed anyone, im sorry ;;;;;
1. I think Lisa's fully thai and pretty sure Yeri (I'm assuming red velvet's) is fully korean, but I completely agree with you about Lana! I don't understand the support for a fully white person in kpop- like why??? Also I think Somi not being supported has to do more with 'oh look this popular girl was on sixteen/produce so lets just hate on her'- doesn't make sense. And your post on asian eyes is soo true!! Like got bullied over 'chinky' eyes but a white person having them is celebrated.
ahhh ok i thought lisa was half because her last name doesnât sound thai, but i could just be ignorant! and yeri hm does she have a step parent? someone told me her dad was an actor or something but anyways!! and with somi yeah i think it could be that too :/ one time i saw a white person cosplay at this anime convention and they taped their eyes and i................ wanted to die...........LOL
2. !!! I literally sent another an to someone about this (I don't know if my asks keep getting eaten or if no one wants to respond đ) but like she's apparently gotten surgery to look more Korean đđ however she doesn't look Korean at all in her music video. Also yeah she can kinda sing but it's not anything special at all. Also the dancing.. apparently she's "classically" trained... when I watched her dance I was so confused because I expected more - pt.1 soz / But it didn't seem like she knew how to follow a simple routine at all. I'm classically trained and it's hard work so to me it's kinda insulting that she thinks she can lie about that??? Maybe she isn't but.. Also this song isn't catchy and the lyrics are ? V questionable. Anyways that my two cents, take it as you will. - pt.2
i hope the surgery thing isnât true, i wonât believe it until i see evidence or something but......... thassa no.......................................... classically trained sounds like that takes yeeeaarrrss to do, i hope she didnât lie about that cuz like whatâs the point in lying skjdskjd
3. Kpop is literally for asians.. It's an Asian genre catering to Asian people... Idk why white people decided to come in and why this Lana girl feels the need to debut as an idol. Honestly, kpop for me (as an Asian) was the one place I could go to and be surrounded by other Asians, who appreciate OTHER ASIANS and their music. I'm tired of white people coming in and taking things that don't belong to them... like just go debut in Russia or America if they want to debut so badly...
I FUCKING!!!!! Iâm SAYING UGH LIKE I DONâT GET WHY IT HAS TO BE K-POP OUT OF ALL GENRES?????????????? couldnât she have like.... debuted and then worked with k-pop artists like thatâs a collaborative effort on both ends rather than her appropriating ugh i just.......... it does Not make sense.
4. @miniwavesâ Who is this Lana and why are they letting a fully WHITE person debut in an ASIAN group??? As an Asian I feel very offended, this is something that is important to our culture and something we have that is separate from other countries... but sure go ahead and let someone not of that culture join just because it's "good publicity". Freaking heck...
i think sheâs debuting as a soloist, i could be wrong, but even if it was a group i just.... donât like it and it doesnât make sense to me and yeah i agree i think itâs insulting to those who have a personal connection as an asian to have someone not asian take advantage of the rise in kpop like this.
5. okay i looked up lana and watched her live and it was not pretty to see or listen to... as an asian i feel weird seeing a white person in a kpop/asian industry... it's very cringy to watch too...
itâs weird, i think itâs kinda gross, and yeah i bet itâs a lil cringey lol
6. no offense to lana but i donât think youâd wanna hear her sing,,,, thereâs that one group (z-girls??) with all asians like thai, indonesian, indian, japanese, filipino, but people are mad bc they should classify as kpop bc theyâre not korean. but ppl are supporting lana even tho sheâs also not korean, because it gives them hope that they can also be kpop idols and be with their oppas
YES Z-GIRLS :(((( WHERE IS THERE ATTENTION?? a colorful group of beautiful ASIAN women trying to make it in an ASIAN industry but you never hear about them why???????? like none of this is fair lmao omfg your last statement Stop.... spill the tea sis...........
7. as a run-of-the-mill white person... I donât get why anyone who is white feels the need to perform in kpop or become a kpop artist because they have their own culture/country/industry/ whatever tf that they can make music and perform in?? Thatâs all music is, really, an industry and I can understand wanting to be involved in some way but just singing in Korean shouldnât be enough for you to be deemed a âkpop artistâ
ârun of the mill white personâ omg please lol and oooo i think your last statement is very interesting because what really constitutes as a kpop artist these days, especially if the idol is asian but not korean, you know? but yes, thank you for addressing that white people have their own music industry skjdalkjds
8. YES EXACTLY like i have a Very Chinese name and i didn't start becoming cool with it until i got into exo m because yifan luhan zitao yixing!! so even though i'm into other groups too, exo will always have a special place in my heart. and same, i used to get made fun of for liking kpop but look at us now
thatâs beautiful that kpop can really do that and make non-korean asians feel included in some form you know?? i love it!!
9. everybody gave that alex reid girl TONS of shit for being a black kpop idol when she was in rania, but now that lana has debuted, she gets all of the love and support and i'm just like ????? freaking flabbergasted by this whole thing :'(
i had to look her up, but thatâs so unfortunate and unfair that the backlash only happened to someone who was black, but wasnât as severe for lana like.... pick a side, you either donât want non-asians in kpop period or you do like donât be colorist about it.
10. Yours and that last anon's message about being asian resonated so much
i couldnât remember which one it was LOL but iâm glad you can relate to us!!
11. i'm kinda curious why lana didn't just stay in russia and start her career there instead of coming to korea, learning korean, and having to go through the whole training process when staying in her home country would have been easier but it's like she knows how popular kpop is now worldwide and is trying to profit and get famous off the hard work of the other groups who had to struggle in order to get kpop recognized in other countries but that's just my opinion
i donât completely agree with the first part, simply because non-korean asians did all the training and learning korean to become a kpop artist rather than staying in china/thailand/america, BUT i fully agree with that last part like so many idols outside the big 3 and other well known companies are struggling right now.......... and then she swoops in and is getting more attention that most groups like ok..
12. @hnlix i just think it's really funny how some non-asian people really just wanna talk abt how they feel abt having a full white kpop idol & how good it is .... like..... ok lol !!!!!
girl the way i eye rolled............ im pressed LMAO
13. white people wanna be oppressed so bad lmaoooo
LIKE WHY THO LMAOOO
14. i hate how asian oppression is largely ignored but once we stand up for ourselves we're making a big deal or being sensitive if you're not asian don't tell us how to feel
LMAO omg itâs cuz weâre âsubmissive & too sensitiveâ LMAO like no bitch!!!!
15. Any white kpop fan who is trying to tell an Asian how they're supposed to feel about a music genre that is meant for Asians, created by asians, and catered to ASIAN people who go right f*** off
TELL EM SIS
16. I think Lisa isn't half white just her stepfather is white I believe
AH OK!!! makes a lot of sense!
17. Lol Iïżœïżœm so sorry youâre getting these white Kpop fans coming here acting all oppressed and calling your opinion invalid. I also got a bunch of these yesterday when I voiced out my opinion- lost a bunch of followers but oh well. These are probably the same fans who low key also want to become idols- smh đ€Šđ»ââïž
losing followers over your feelings of oppression is just natural selection at its finest babie, we in dis together!!!!!!!!!!! that last sentence............ spill the tea sis..........
18. All ur saying is that white people dont belong in an Asian industry lmao idk what anon is getting so worked up about. Youâre not even making fun of her ur just stating the facts. Thereâs a difference
thank you like i didnât say white people deserve to die or that i called her ugly LOL i just donât want her in this industry!!!!!!!!
19. @jisungs-veterinar So i know about Rania she's mixed black but not asian. She is very cute and nice and she got into the industry without any type of talent she just liked songwriting and the agency scouted her without audition but things were good and there wasnt hate from what i saw. But Lana is just a white girl who likes kpop and knows how to dance(nothing special believe me)and just barely learned to sing.Just because daddy has money she got here because she appeared in some kshows.She has no right to be here / Therefore i just wanna say i agree with you and it angers me so much that Lana is here in kpop ALLOWED to be and ugh
i see, well a lot of kpop artists get their songs from other non-asian artists too. i just donât like the idea of non-asians considered as idols, even rania, but iâm confused cuz some people are saying she got a lot of hate and some are saying she didnât but regardless it seems like lana is getting some special treatment and itâs not right. but itâs all heresay i suppose idk kasjdlka
20. okay wow that one anon basically saying that whites are being oppressed?? no. im mixed but iâm ridiculously white passing, most people donât believe me when i tell them that iâm half chinese but once they hear it, all of the asian jokes come out and iâm reduced to the stereotype of one of my heritages. so please anon, be quiet. also it makes total sense for someone to not be for a white person, or any person who isnât asian that means alex (i think itâs alex) as well and iâm running out of space /Â im continuing lmao from that last ask. kpop/jpop/cpop are specific genres of music that originate from these countries and from the people in these countries. itâs one of the very few ways that asians get recognition and now itâs on a global scale that their effort are being seen so no imo i donât think that non asians should be coming into the industry. if a nonasian wants to be an artist in a pop genre? please stick to just pop and if you want to show appreciation for these languages and -
one drop of blood that isnât white and ppl reduce you to that thinking you are lower than they are but then once that drop of blood is popping and flourishing they wanna take advantage of that and itâs hurtful ugh!!! AND YES LIKE ASIANS ARE FINALLY GETTING SOME FORM OF RECOGNITION even if it is asian pop itâs a step forward imo like where else do we get recognized by the masses?
21. the thing is white people already have so much representation in western media. kpop is something uniquely asian and i feel like it would sort of ruin it if white people or other races started trying to debut as idols. i donât know i donât want to be exclusive or whatever you would call it, but it just doesnât seem right in my opinion.
i agree!! itâs something thatâs unique to asia/asians and by adding non-asians to the mix i feel like it reduces itâs authenticity and dilutes the pop culture to something other than kpop
22. I see where youâre coming from 100%. Like if some white person tried to enter the Mexican industry(?) Iâd be like âwtfâ too.
LOL thank you for agreeing jashdajh
23. *filipino/dark skinned kpop idol* KpOp iS oNlY fOr AsIaNs nOt FoR anYoNe ElsE *white asian lookin idol* hmm yea we nees the diversity y'all stop being racist đ
LMAO PLEASE u tell em sis!!!!!!!!!!! the day a filipino makes it into kpop i will cry
24. Why did nobody back up exp edition as much as this chick?? The clowns y'all are 2day.......
LMFAO...................... itâs cuz sheâs a girl and iâm sure most of these anons are girls and you know how it goes................................... lana gives them hope KLJDLKSJDSL
25. @virgolix hi mori đ„ just wanted to join in as well. & i think i see where ur coming from. from my understanding, it has always been hard to for asians to have proper representation in western media. & that must be why a lot of people are having a hard time supporting lana. she (a non-asian) can make her debut in korea, but not it's not so easy vice versa. how many asian pop musicians do we see who are based in america? few & far between. that's why kpop is so valuable to the asian community đ -virgolix / also no pressure to answer that mori & if any bit sounded ignorant - please let me know. always willing to learn 𧞠- virgolix
no no youâre not ignorant at all miss neenz!!! i agree, it will be hard for her, and i hope sheâs ready for all the hardships that come with being a non-asian in the kpop industry. and yes, asians donât get many opportunities in the west for entertainment, and when they do show up itâs a great feeling and accomplishment and step forward for us!! for a long long time, kpop idols and kdrama actors were all i had to look up to, and iâm not even korean lol.
26. @jxsng people really be making discourse about this ??? itâs true though â like z girls and z boys ??? whereâs the korean media about them ????? and other asian idols too â thereâs a reason why thereâs usually only chinese japanese and korean idols , but suddenly white people can come in and everyone fine just because ??? wasnât there black idols who failed in the industry bc of racism in the past ?????
i didnât know there was a zboys!!! zgirls werenât my style, but itâs sad lie where is their attention ://// iâm not so sure about the last part? there was this one rapper who was half black half korean tho who got attention at one point but i dont think she made it big..... i cant remember her name!! :(
27. ok so im only here for that one ask talking abt black kpop idols and i might not know all black kpop idols but the one i know who is the first non asian person to debut in kpop, has said it herself that she wasnt opressed in anyway, glorified even. so idk what theyre talking abt? also i dont like lana not bc she debuted in kpop as a white person but bc its obv that she did it w koreaboo intentions? everything abt her screams koreaboo and im just speechless lol
ah thatâs interesting!! idk her story tho. thatâs what i think about her too, like why..... does she look like she passes for half asian.... but she isnât.... and it rubs me the wrong way. but i just also donât like that sheâs white...
28. i honestly find it kinda stupid how ppl are treating this situation. i dont like lana but honestly other races being in kpop shouldnt be such a big issue? if a company wants to debut a nonasian person it shouldnt be our issue? i dont think its anything evil. i just dont like lana because she seems to be trying to look and force the idea that she is asian? if a nonasian person will debut in kpop they should at least have a character of their own yk
you give a really interesting point and i think a lot of my feelings DO stem from her looking asian when sheâs not, rather than her just being non asian and trying to make it into kpop, but for a very long time i only had kpop idols to really feel like it was ok to be asian and idrk where iâm going with this LOL but idk i still donât like the idea of non-asians in kpop, etc. so idk. am i ignorant for feeling this way?
29. people will never understand that white ppl can't be oppressed and poc can't b racist towards white ppl, we can discriminate and be Rude but that's It. fans only think about this One white girl trying to make it in an industry where she doesn't rly belong, but looking at this in terms of society as a whole, it Is a problem. when poc have something that belongs to Them, white people always want in.
UGH LIKE i feel like people are thinking that i legitimately hate this one girl and thatâs it like no i donât hate her, i hate that she and everyone who is supporting her donât understand where people who are affected by this are coming from and itâs like no one is listening.............................Â
30. anon is kinda stupid ngl how r u gonna say weâre being racist to white people itâs not possible đđđ u guys really want everything donât u đđđ
LMAAAAAAAOOOOOOÂ KJFLKSFJ
31. lana is just a big kboo n all the ppl that support her are just wee little kboos in the making
KJDLKSJDSLKJSLDJ LOOOOOL
32. idk whatâs going with this whole thing but, youâre totally right, iâm white and white people ARE NOT oppressed. why are people getting salty abt it?
i literally donât know LMAO LIKE IâM BEING RACIST FOR DEFENDING SOMETHING THAT WHITE PEOPLE ARE TRYNA DIP THEIR FEET IN WHERE I THINK THEY DONâT BELONG????????? ok
33. either way lana is a whole ass kboo and canât even perform soo
omg i have never watched her but ajksldjalksdjnasdnasnd
15 notes
·
View notes
Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it đȘ I normally look at the scenery when Iâm on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc thereâs nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me
Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker đ„ș ye Iâm not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo đđ your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You canât fight me on this Iâm right
Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to donât add anything to the pearls so itâs just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good đ€€ hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh
Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I canât relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. Iâd never fight u either (unless itâs for your bday) ily too much for that đ„șđ„șđ„ș
Hahah I think itâs me. I havenât heard anyone say âgo hamâ except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Canât relate but apparently I easily tan. Thereâs this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??
Itâs all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe Iâm just weak but after I finish shovelling Iâm beat. Gardening is not my thing. Thereâs too many bugs involved flying around đ„Ž
Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They donât taste like fraps tho, theyâre sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL
I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof thereâs so many things that the us have that Canada doesnât. But apparently you guys donât have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know thatâs what soulmates are, weâre stuck together forever and I donât mind that. Iâd never leave you đđ
YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge Iâd come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee đ we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like âIâm a bad bitch milk canât hurt meâ but that didnât really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee đ
Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someoneâs gotta do it and that someone is me đ€ Iâm acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack đȘđȘ
I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham Iâd like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (Iâm talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)
Pls do send me peetâs Iâll send you an iced capp in a cooler so itâll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere đ€Ș tumblrs probably gonna block me again, Iâm looking at how much Iâve typed rn and itâs a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?
I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? Iâm so confused with these ap and honours thing, like thereâs none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?
Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate Iâm not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily đ„șđ„ș the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I donât have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur đ„ș hbu?? (I canât believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)
-
i didnât even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin đ€§ i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i canât bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that iâm just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so iâm okay đ€Ș
tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. itâs the best itâs so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes đ€§ death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i donât make the rules sorry sis đ€
pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldnât see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and itâs like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart đȘ
itâs not even strength iâm actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but theyâre not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so itâs just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions đ€ & ilyt đ„ș u would probably win in a fight tho LOL
go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like âi smell sun screenâ and im just there like đ itâs me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad iâm basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??
snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long đ i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me đł iâm also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so đ„Ž not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun iâm not here for it.
u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now iâm like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but itâs just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if itâs all over the world but myb u should check it out đȘ
dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk đ€ also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. thatâs literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce
UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH
i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club đȘ when u come visit me itâll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, iâll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity
I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.
my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didnât have gloves but i just painted my nails and iâm not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet đ€ waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only đ€§
well iâll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) đ€ the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL iâm so excited for it đ„ș iâm rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and itâll make me Mad if i donât get it out before the end of this month
i wanna start in september đ€§ and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL itâs gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so itâs just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc iâm taking ap euro (as a sophomore đ) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops đŹ some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year iâm dropping orchestra iâm Not for that spit in the carpet life
the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i donât make the rules. iâm ur #1 fan đ„ș as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. weâre really out here writing a whole ass essay. iâll look @ all our convos bet itâll be like. a lot. i donât wanna say smth and be off so iâll just not. i have a dog! heâs the cutest in the world and i love him sm đ„ș tumblr can fight me first like. whatâs this ask limit bull hhhhh
1 note
·
View note
Episode 3:Â âShe hates girlsâ- Dani
I AM PISSED. I AM SO MAD AT BRANDAN RIGHT NOW.
WHAT THE HECK.
I WAS TOTALLY TRANSPARENT WITH HIM.
HONESTLY??? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUtT FLIPPING WITH HIM AND JULIAN IFFFFF THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED ME.
AND JULIAN?? I TOLD HIM I HEARD HIS NAME, I TOLD HIM. WHY IS HE ATTACKING ME FOR BEING HONEST???
I'm so glad I have Lucy and Andreas but Brandan better waTCH OUT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST WITH HIM. WHAT THE HECK
i'm sorry, i'm just so MAD right now
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
all my alliance members are on different tribes, I am so sad.
ALso I'm with Brandan. -___________-
I don't know who else is even on my tribe.
I like Kevin and the others are all okay but UGH WHY BRANDAN WHEN I AM SO IRRITATED WITH HIM STILL?? bring me back lucy and andreas :(Â
Okay so yay for a tribe swap but uhm it's kinda homophobic that not only am I not on a tribe with Dani or Ryan, but that I can't even speak to them now!!
I'm still drinking with Dani on Saturday though so suck it hosts.
This tribe is alright, like I said not my favorite set up but I don't feel completely screwed. I'm with Joey which is good because he's loyal to me, but people are going to assume we're working together since he picked me, also he isn't good at talking to new people so idk if that's gonna end up bad for us lolol.
But yay for being on a tribe with Sarah! Idk she's iconic and I'd like to work with her. I talked to Andreas for a bit and he was nice, I'd hope we could work together. I started talking to Junior again before the swap so I don't feel completely off on him.
Billy is the only one I've barely talked to, but he was on Sarah's old tribe so I think they're gonna stick together???
I just hope that we can win some challenges so that I don't have to worry.
when trace and johnny give you lemons.... (ie- brandan) you make lemonade. I am currently kissing brandan's ASS right now. i told him that if he and julian asked me to flip i would have and all kinds of other lies just because i don't need any drama with him on this tribe going forward, I NEED numbers so whatever i'm going to be his new best friend and pretend to forget about tribal but I'm still PISSED.Â
This tribe swap is fucking disgusting. Why do i have to be on a tribe with junior.
Im just glad jake is here and maybe him, billy and i can work together and grab someone else to work with us if we go to tribalÂ
Okay so last night I was on call with Joey and he was like "someone told me you wanted to vote me out round 1" and I was like yeah it's true but you didn't have to say it. And big surprise it was Keaton that told him this. So now it's a new day and lo and behold I'm on a tribe with Keaton's snake ass and as much as I don't trust him I have to play nice because the boy knows WAY too much about my game and my personal life for me to risk crossing him so basically I just go from one migraine to another bouncing between my exes. If I get swap fucked I will be showing up in Johnny's PMs with virtual pitchforks. xoxo Madison
https://youtu.be/5oLRQqS00UU
VL Confessional
Cause you tried to play both sides
You got caught up in your lies
And now you're runnin'
You're runnin' out of time
Try again, cause the game is over
https://imgflip.com/gif/2vicz3
Wtf! Why did we switch tribes right as I felt so good????? Now Iâm in a tribe where I feel like I canât connect to anyone except dan and sometimes Tom.
I made an alliance with Tom, Madison, and Dan. Iâm trying to ensure our safety Incase we do go to tribal. Keaton came to me and said he wants to target Madison and honestly Iâm really down for that. So I think I can use this as an advantage. I can either tell Madison Keaton is after him and we get him. Or I can team up with Keaton and Lucy and get one other person to flip and we get Madison.
Tbh only down for Madison because she doesnât seem to like me at all. Iâve also heard she hates girls. Which is a little obvious :p. I hate that. GIRLS GOTTA PROTECT GIRLS. But nooooo she loves attention. Ok ranting done.
VL CONFESSIONAL
I feel like Jake is my #1, but Dani is visiting him today(lucky girl.)
I feel like I would do a disservice to a majority of straight men in this game if I didnât hum the intro to âEtherâ at least once.
Also, fuck Jay-Z.
Heya, time for a little update!
As of now, I am getting a little frustrated with my tribe (love Jake though). But before I get carried away, let's see how well we do in the immunity challenge. I am not sold on the song choice, but I appreciate that a few people give active input. I'll do my part as best as I can and hope that it'll be enough for at least 2nd place...
Should we lose, I'll try to get a solid group with Jake and Junior, and add a player, who one of the other three wanna vote for. At this point, none of Joey, Sarah or Billy play a major role for my future plans in this game.
Billy could become a close ally as he seems to be very underrated in this game.
Sarah could become a close ally because she's a cool cat.
Joey idk about. We're not bonding that well rn.Â
I have no faith in my tribe at all I somehow feel like this video is about to be 3 minutes of just me and a cameo of mark and his adorable kids x_x
Time to make my cousins make some videos with me so I have a lot to edit in because I SURE canât rap in time with this songÂ
Okay Isaac is sending weird clips of himself from challenges Iâm not sure if that will cut it but Iâll take whatever I can edit together at this point DJSJS
Me seeing the other videos and prepping to go to tribal... also a picture of Tom booty poppin should be on the dvd cover
VL CONFESSIONAL
THANK YOU JUDGESSSSSSSSSS! YOU GUYS ROCK! JESS LET ME BUY YOU A BUNCH OF TIM HORTONS.
Alyssa, fried chicken at Red Rooster on me when I visitđ?
I know I havenât been around much. But I hate this swap. I hate this tribe. I know NO ONE who I feel will be willing to keep me safe with them. So I actually have to work hard to talk to people.
Music videos are not my forte. But I have to contribute because if we lose then Iâll be someone on the chopping block for sure. And I canât have that.
Iâm just hopping we can slam challenges and then we can make it to the next swap. But I hope Sarah and Jake stay close with me. I really like them both. Jake is really cool to talk to and heâs not bad to look at either. Sarah is my soul sister.
Then thereâs Joey, who has this plan to get rid of Andreas and honestly Iâm kinda ok with it. Anyone but me is how Iâm feeling. I just gonna find somewhere to sink my teeth into this game and take a bite. I donât want to be a background day player with no story line and shitty gameplay.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=zfISjcq23KU
Okay so I think I'm gonna go for Billy this round. I didn't want to lose because I think I have good connections with everyone on our tribe, but someone's gotta go. Billy makes me worried now because he said in our tribe chat that Tom told him we lost, so bitch you cross tribaling???
Andreas and Junior both told me they like me and each other so I think they're trying to form a group of 3 there? Sarah also said she liked me and Billy and I like Sarah but it might be hard trying to get her to vote Billy out.
Joey originally said he wanted Andreas out and that he likes Billy, but Billy told me and Junior that Joey was spreading Andreas name, so I let Joey know that Billy's doing that, and I think Joey trusts him less now.
We'll see what happens. I just don't my name going around like last time. I just need another tribe swap ASAP.
So now were going to tribal bc johnny announced the results wrong.
Johnny is a pissy player and cant stand when other hosts mess up but wants us to understand when he does..hm TEA
Anyways ill see what i can do to make sure I do not go home. I think i have junior, and jake and billy but we shall see
Literally fuck off. HOW IS IT FAIR THAT THE HOSTS fucked up and they wont give us an extension??? INTERESTING?????????
Why does one tribe get over a day and we get less than 12 hours..lol ok what ever maybe get your fucking shit together before fucking over ppls gamesÂ
Well look at it, we lost again. Great! Just great!
And people seem to be thrilled to go to Tribal Council! They're so excited that they throw the challenges! So me being a straight shooter, I immediately target Billy, who has slacked the most on this new tribe and would be a fair call (on paper). But it's only natural that people have their own agenda and I am being targeted by Joey and Billy at least. Sure, Joey might still be up in the air, but either way, I NEED to believe in Jake and Junior here to vote for for Billy, or I am toast. And if Billy doesn't step up next round, so are Jake and Junior.
I have nothing against Billy, but this season we don't really get along too well. We had a fun chat today, but it felt like it was too little to late for me in this season.
Let's see what happens in this mess of a round :D Love Johnny though, I don't blame him.
I really wanna stay and fight for all the people on my tribe to stay in this game!
Ok, so as per usual in premerge, my fate rests within other peoples hands. That's just how I play and that's totally okay with me.
The scenarios I can see are:
4-2 Billy/Me (which is what's being sold to me sort of with Billy and Sarah voting for me)
4-2 Me/Billy (if Jake sticks to Joey and they decide to ride the tide and vote out Billy over Junior if they lose another TC)
5-1 Me/Billy (if they all wanna be safe lmao, but Junior seems really sincere, so I doubt this happens!)
I can't scramble too hard at this vote, because I really feel that Jake wants to keep me around and me reaching out to others will make me appear like a bigger name to write down.
I 50:50 Hate/Love each tribe I'm on and I hate that I am such a sulky old man in this season, but that's just a new facette of good old me.
https://youtu.be/i6ZY0hrvDaM
I am SO glad that we won! the judges were HARSH, huh? But it's okay, we still won! I really hope that andreas is going to be okay tonight, I'm just a little worried but I think maybe Billy will be the one to go?? Maybe.Â
I fucking wrote out a long ass confessional and then it refreshed and I wanna die, so here are the highlights:
I love how Johnny has progressed enough in life to recruit 5 iconic female judges in the name of feminism, but has not progressed enough to perform basic arithmetic
I want the f5 to be original Robinsons and I trust them as follows:
Mark > Dani = Ryan > Junior
I want a f3 with Mark and Junior because Dani is a big social threat and I would always vote for a woman over a man because fuck men, and itâs like the laws of feminism
Iâm really happy I havenât had to go to tribal yet, letâs keep it moving and NO DOUBLE OR TRIPLE TRIBALS PLSSSS
It looks like this is a wrap yâall. Unless sarah actually pulled some miracle out of her ass and convinced them all to vote Andreas then itâs time to blow my flame out.
Iâve been on the outs ever since I was picked last. So I guess this shouldnât be a surprise.Â
4 notes
·
View notes
somewhat spoiler-y thoughts under the cut. donât keep reading if you donât want to see stuff about httyd3
okay. so overall i actually enjoyed httyd3 (surprising; i know). i do have lots and lots of complaints but the stuff i liked was exciting and interesting enough that i sort of just blacked out the bad stuff. and iâm going to love picking that stuff apart bc boy was there some cringy shit. especially if you donât like hiccstrid, their scenes with actual relationship talk were awkward and wooden and god. the ending was SO :/Â
actual spoilers from here on out. youâve been warned.Â
grimmel was a lot more compelling as a villain. they sort of gave him a backstory thing and it kind of ruined it a bit for me bc it was basically âi killed a night fury as a boy and my village loved me for it so i killed all of themâ but idk something about it was lacking and i was like. oh. did you guys not care enough to flesh this one out. actually, writing it down it sounds way better motivation than when he actually said it even tho itâs basically the same thing.
the deathgrippers were being controlled! grimmel was using their venom to mind control them, so any âalpha talkâ didnât get through to them and they did exactly what grimmel wanted.Â
and hiccup didnât give a shit lol. these dragons were constantly being drugged via needles in their head/neck and being forced to hunt and attack and carry grimmel around and hiccup didnât even feel a little bit sorry for them or express any pain. the whole movie was kinda âwow ppl donât deserve dragons we need to save themâ but he didnât express any empathy for dragons being used? not many were shown in this movie to be used, and even less that hiccup saw, but idk the whole âlet the things you love go!â didnât congeal well.Â
further more, he made several terrible decisions for the entirety of berk, including running away to find the hidden world, which they had no proof even existed and absolutely kept walking exactly into everything grimmel wanted, but when ruff did it (after she was âcapturedâ and let go she flies straight back the place theyâve settled leading grimmel back to new berk) it felt like it was being played as a WAY worse thing. like she was an idiot for doing it, and it was just! hiccup. every decision youâve made has been panicked and blind and made your position worse and worse.Â
gobber, valka and eret all get a little screen time, and they all play the naysayer stoick part? like âhiccup this is dangerousâ and hiccup completely ignores them. them: hiccup we have advice hiccup: ok cool im not listening and i donât want to hear it. they donât even get to really explain their points of view ???????Â
valkaâs other stuff is âoh we might have been followed leaving berkâ and then her being all âastrid do u still love and believe in my son?????â what âheâll listen to uâ uhm ??? and no one else i get? ?/ they literally do not talk except about hiccup
gobberâs scene where he tells hiccup to marry astrid is so weird and awkward and only tuffnut yelling âoh no not the m word!â had anything that made it better. noah fence but astrid was all âthatâs weird and awkward of youâ and tells hiccup she thinks theyâre ânot ready for marriageâ and the idea is silly and it 100% sounds like sheâs not interested in him at all. and heâs obviously super invested and heâs all âhaha maybe you can have snotloutâ she makes âjokesâ about snotlout being into valka. it was....Â
also. he ONLY mentioned snotlout when saying thereâs other guys and idk. it ..... idk now i think about it it maybe feels the âjokeâ is kinda who would want snotlout which :/ but i guess means tuff and fishlegs are valid suitors? i donât knowÂ
hiccup in the whole was pretty weak tbh. like he didnât stand out for me and most of his plot felt like it had a bunch of good ideas but they struggled putting it together. itâs like when u see a fic and u love the general idea but the execution is not how u would, and they go on and itâs like. i really really wouldnât haveÂ
they weirdly anthropomorphise toothless and then also. have him act like a dog and i found it disconcertingÂ
the light fury is genuinely super blobby and ugly and i cnaât believe they made me watch SO much of âuwuw sexy seductressâ content and toothless being a complete airhead who licks a rock to âpracticeâ for it. was weird and i was uncomfortable.Â
also astrid is all âwow toothless has a girlfriend its so cute !!!!!!!â and they watch him watch other dragons doing mating dances and hiccup is like âi never pegged you for a romantic, like neverâ like get a fuckign hint !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she never kisses you on the cheek. astrid expressing sentiment cause she thinks something is romantic but never for your relationship is telling you A LOT about itÂ
honestly. they donât do anything to make me convinced in ANY WAY that astrid is actually into him and wants to marry him for real. at their wedding she is SO wooden and when they kiss hiccup brings his hand up but astrid is just STANDING there,,, and they look so blank. itâs so.Â
also. i was right astrid was mostly just a prop for hiccupâs story and she barely interacts with anyone that isnât hiccup or valka, and when itâs valka itâs about hiccup.Â
aside from toothless, and a little bit of stormfly, the gangâs dragons are mostly just. in the background and donât really have anything to do with anything
behind everything there were this warlords, i didnât pick up names and apparently they were the ones who were funding drago or whatever? and they call grimmel in bc he cares about killing night furies and are hoping that itâll mean they get all the dragons. it was kinda. i sort of liked the idea but i felt it was shoved in, and they just mentioned drago to make it seem like it was planned when they came out of nowhere. and idk not planned at all. like an idea that was good but they didnât edit everything to make sure it fit. a lot of stuff felt kind retcon-y like apparently stoick was âobsessed with finding the hidden worldâ and he even mentions in a flash back that itâs not the nest theyâre looking for in httyd1 so itâs so weird like. and there was this ~journals~ stoick had about it and itâs just! they never ever mentioned this before gfhsdfjhdfgjdfgfdg guys. thatâs so fucking messy and kinda annoying. in the grand scheme this retconning isnât too much, but itâs enough that itâs like. none of this was planned and i can tell and instead of making it match up you just bluster through like âactually this always happenedâ as if u think iâm a dumbass who will just blindly believe whatever you tell me instead of a long time fan with a personal involvement.i know some of u read my blog,,, come on Â
i didnât cry at all like lol. i had fun but i wasnât emotional.Â
no characters die donât worry
ruff was PERFECT and everything she did was wnoderful and i LOVE her so much! she got to speak A LOT and sheâs all âitâs so tough being this hotâ i love you girl, and sheâs over eret and is like âwow he missed outâ and talks about snotlout and fishlegs which was :///// but the guys donât do the whole fighting over her thing so thatâs! and sheâs like âi guess fishlegs but heâs a nerdâ and at the end he cries at the wedding and sheâs like âwow i guess the sensitive guy winsâ so a lot of her stuff was kinda about men ://// but herself was PERFECT and she boops grimmelâs face with the bobble ends of her hair pretending theyâre a zippleback. she makes jokes about why is grimmelâs face so long, and herâs is long but WOW does that take the cake. and she says âastrid round faceâ it was so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sheâs so good i love herÂ
rupple does a good job with tuff. the voice difference was noticeable and i kept thinking about it but i think he did well. tuff gets a bunch of speaking parts and heâs super involved with the whole wedding concept and heâs like âhaha wow hiccy, a DOES NOT WANT to get married 2 u LOL. which is #tru cause like. sheâs a viking warrior queen and youâre well you. you need to shape up. also. be more like meâ which i will TAKE i cannot believe tuffstrid is REAL. also now im about 80% convinced hiccup and astrid took a break to see other ppl and tuffstrid fucked. tuff and astrid donât really interact except for when they leave ruff behind but they KEEP on doing this whole, vibe thing that makes them seem like theyâre good friends. like. tuff thinking he knows what astrids want or admires and he actually goes and all his advice/pep talk is like half leg jokes but itâs all good????? tuff has ear piercings, theyâre SO on point they look so good, and heâs got rings all over his fingers i love this kid so much heâs so great. he calls his braid his beard and whenever anyone looks a little sad he like, shoves their face into his braid to comfort them.
also tuff says thereâs no edge of the world cause actually itâs round like the sun and the moon and stars, even tho stars are dumb.Â
i was right fishlegsâ first sentence is basically them all going âwow a nerdâ akdshgfkdjghfg. he doesnât get as much screen time as the others, and most of it is focused on fishmeat, who is ADORABLE and PERFECT. that big moose dragon meets fishmeat at the start and they become bffs and he defends his lil buddy
snotloutâs also not as much screen time, and most of it is him following valka around and being impressed with her and wanting her to say nice things about him. the rest is him getting caught on his cape. valka says nice stuff about eret cause heâs actually good at this planning stuff (except one bit thats played for jokes where snotlout is like âwe should spilt up cause *good reasons*â and then eret is like âwe should spilt up cause i feel like itâ and valkaâs all âi trust your instincts!!!!â. it was weird bc it was the only really good tactical decision snotlout made and it gets ignored) and he keeps getting his ego pumped up when he takes what valka says wrong - like sheâs being polite, or thereâs double meanings and he takes it like heâs good but all he did was get caught on a cage and hung there until hookfang picked him up - and at the end she says âeret maybe brawn, but youâre the brainsâ and snotlout feels validated again but he doesnât really deserve it? like idk i wish she said something meaningful. itâs not kind to make someone feel like theyâre good at something theyâre not. you should encourage him when heâs doing well.Â
eret is just kinda. around. doing things. and being like, snotloutâs ârivalâ for valkaâs attention and eret is like. what are you on about lmao
also. iâve seen some out of context spoilers and they mentioned something being gay but i donât know where thatâs from? snotlout kinda says some great things about eret but itâs a real squint and gobber says eret has the body of a norse god but then he says he does as well and then puts a crick in back when heâs stretching so itâs very clearly a joke and itâs definitely like âheâs fat and old and dirty its funny cause he thinks heâs attractiveâ rather than anything else
hmmMMmmMMMMM god ive forgotten what iâve talked about and what i havenât im sure i have more to say but this is already super long os. you can ask me questions if u like. send me an im or somethingÂ
10 notes
·
View notes
Fight your fears
Last weekend I went to Houston with my team members of Ărebro HEMA. My beloved friend Suri was supposed to go with us, but couldnât because their dog went ill and had to go through an emergency surgery. Suri and I booked our flight together and didnât have the same flights as the others on our way home. I was calm with this when we booked, but when Suri couldnât follow it stressed me out since I havenât flown by myself before. Not this long either, Iâve only been on flights that took me an hour or so. It was also a stress not having one of my best friends with me during the entire stay. Before we left I was actually having thoughts about leaving in the whole trip, because I couldnât handle the thought of me having to take that flight home by myself.Â
When we got to Arlanda I was calm though, this wasnât the hardest part of our journey â it was the easiest since I had company with the others during the whole flight to Houston. I was a little bit nervous about the security check in Chicago, since Iâve heard stories about them. âYou know, a big guy ala CIA will make an interview with you in a room asking you why you come and visit the USA. They will take your prints and everything!â
When we finally reached Chicago it wasnât that terrifying. You just had to answer a few question on a machine, stand in another line with some ppl behind desks and when it was your turn you just went there, they took your fingerprint and asked: Why are you coming here?
Jesper was in the line before me and he told the guy: We are going to a fencing competition.
When it was my turn the guy just asked me: Are you in the fencing team as well?
Yes!
And that was how I put my feet in America the first time. Not that hard actually!
We got to Houston in the middle of the night because of flights being delayed. We were a bunch of tired fencers, our trip took like 24 hours or so â no wonder we were tired!
Now we just needed to get to the place we were going to stay, at the Grepares family. Our host came along to give some of us a ride (we were to many to fit in just one car) and the others got to rent a car. Very convenient.
The Grepares has been incredible as hosts during the whole trip! They took care of us and it was like getting a whole new family. I am very thankful for that!
We had 2 days of free time before the competition was held. During these two days we went to a winery trying out wines and had a picnic, we went to the museum and was out dining. The museum was really cool, they had like tons of skeletons from dinosaurs.Â
From the museum
On Saturday we went off early to the sports arena where the competitions should be held, all the guys from us were competing this day. We realized they didnât have any showers on site (!) not even locker rooms! This was such a weird thing not to have in a sports arena, at least for me but maybe itâs normal not to have?
Anyhow, I was a bit nervous to get there since I was very tired before our trip started. I felt like I didnât want to socialize that much since my energy was out. I told myself in beforehand that I didnât had to. That it was ok not being all happy all the time talking to everyone, that I would make contact with people anyway. This is something Iâve been working hard on, that I donât have to be the center of attention. Cause god damn that takes a lot of energy! And I donât have it. I think none of us do. You know what? Iâve made new friends anyway. Just being the way I am, and this is a very important lesson for me.
The open division started and I was very happy just being an audience. It was fun watching my teammates fight, and they did great! I jumped in as a judge during some of the pool fights instead of Carl. In this competition everyone that is competing also have to staff to make everything work out. It was fun judging, the fencing over there is a bit different from what I am used to. Always interesting seeing and learning new stuff.
The next day it was my turn. I was up to competition! Or was I? Remember being tired and not very motivated at all. I felt it was a bit messy on sight â but it always is in some manner. I wasnât as nervous in beforehand as I can be. I was going to be in the second pool, found out on site â maybe this was the reason why I wasnât as nervous because usually you get that information the night before, making the whole situation ârealâ. I barely had the time to do a proper warmup, which is important for me. This was because of the fact that I thought that the womenâs should be on one mat but it was held on two. Made me going straight up for my first match not at all ready for it. Jesper was my coach and he did a nice job. Now I became really nervous, nausea and everything! I asked myself: Why am I doing this?!?!
A question that always run through my mind when I have my feet on the mat. Feels like my legs are made of syrup and having a hard time moving around, cause they wonât listen. I hate it! Still I put myself up there every time. I went through my first match and I won even though I had somewhat of a struggle at first. Than the second one, still nervous but made it through, also a win. Third, same procedure but now I started to feel like I should â telling Jesper so. He laughs and replies with: âOk. You just had to win three matches with a hell of advantage first?!â
That is Jesper just being, Jesper.
The final match of our pool was me against Rebecca Glass. It was really fun, I had a blast even though I donât remember that much from our match. But I never do, itâs like Iâm in my own bubble when I compete.
I won four out of four matches, and I am very proud doing so. I felt really good. Until Carl came up and told me and Britt that it might be a slight chance that we had to meet each other in the first rounds of eliminations. Whaa!! I didnât travel that far to meet one of my teammates. Carl wasnât mistaken â this was the way it ended up. I was ranked number three and Britt as number 6 after the pools. I told myself that I should just give it everything Iâve got. We both did, and this was the greatest match I had during the competition. It was very even between us for a very long time. Then Britt managed to hit me with a nice thrust, and the match was done. Britt won and I lost. She came through to the finals and came home with gold. Well done!! She is very well deserved of it, working hard every week to become a better fencer.
After the competition we went home, took a shower and went on to the castle feast. This is a big Castle which is built in the middle of nowhere just because they wanted to have a castle. Things that can only happen in America folks! We ate a lot of meat and stuff, it was nice but.. Cold!
During my stay Iâve met so many people, Josh for example who I had contact with for 2 years thanks to a blogpost I wrote back then. It was a pleasure meeting you Josh!
I made new friends that I miss already, and I hope all of you are coming to Sweden soon!
But hey, now you might wonder. What happened with that flight on the way home?!
Well, this is the worst part of this trip by far. I was exhausted after the competition, and I also won this bad cold (which I still have because of it stubborn nature...). When we got to the airport I calmed myself down with the fact that I was going to take the first flight with the others to Chicago, then I should go to London by myself making another transit to Stockholm from there. On our way to Houston we had been both to London and Chicago, which made me feel safer. I went off to the machine to check in. It didnât work out. I tried again, it failed once more. Then I had to talk to one of the staff to check out what was going on. She told me that one of my flights had been cancelled. My mind just freaked out. Cancelled?
Then she told me she had to send me to Philadelphia. My head starting to zoom out. I couldnât really hear what she was saying anymore. I told Carl to get there, so we could solve things out because I couldnât handle it there and then. Philadelphia⊠I felt so small! I wanted to run away and call someone who could come along and pick me up. But.. I had to do it. I almost started to cry from all the anxiety building up in my chest. Carl tried to fix so I could fly with them instead, but that flight was full. I told Carl that, well, after this I can fly everywhere! But right now I feel like shit.
We went through the security check. Of course they had to check my bag. I had Gertrud inside of it, so I thought: they will probably check her through. The guy working there took her out from her bag which has a suspicious look. He opened the bag, stared at Gertrud (who is my mascot â a lizard with rainbow-colored skin) I had a hard time to not start to laugh. I just wanted to say things like: Say hello to my magical lizard Gertrud! But I had to shut my mouth. This was hilarious! My team followed me to my gate, said goodbye and then I was on my own. Terrified and in somewhat panic mode.
Once I was on my flight I calmed down, it was the point of no return. I got to Philadelphia and was still in that anxiety mode, making me insecure. I almost took a bus to the wrong terminal. At least I realized what I was doing before I actually did it. Then I asked one of the staff where I was going to get to the right gate, just to calm myself down. He wasnât helpful at all actually, just stressed me out even more acting like I was a stupid person. Maybe I am but hey, donât act like it. Finally I got to the right gate, got my ass on the plane which was delayed by 45 minutes. When I got to London I got myself a new ticket to another flight since I missed my transit. You know what happened? I was on the same plane as my team-members. When we got to Stockholm my bag was lost, but it didnât matter. I was in the right country and I grew as a human being during that flight. Now I can see the world on my own, no doubt about that!
I could write a whole book about my experience in Houston, but Iâll save that till later. The most important stuff is that this story had a happy ending.
The end!
xoxo
Lotta
6 notes
·
View notes
@nederys all of you guys kinda lost your shit but i don't think you're being consistent at all. you didn't go for it being misinformed or wrongly placed, just that it was "gross" bc it was "romanticizing" blabla, like if someone made a fic about ETA terrorists or whatever and i advocated censorship and asked for it not to exist. when you accept kink and RPF, you need to stand on that principle even when it's YOUR personal/national.
shaming ppl into submission is the anti strategy and it doesnt actually convince anybody of anything, much literally if it's screaming in another language to the OPs. i didnt wanna reblog or anything but i was very unpleasantly surprised with how you guys handled the situation (and i say this bc i care and i know you value rationality, not to piss you off YOUR personal/national sensibility
like if someone wants to write a fic 'romanticizing' tec bundy murders or a rape fantasy or whatever it's their field day just tag it properly, it's no different for a criminal organization as i see it. a piece of sexual fantasy or literary work is not a guarantee it's portrayed in an accurate way or that it's a moral endorsementj
+
I'll hear your argument on 'positive representation' so i'll take your word for now but it did really come of like "your evil porn is romanticizing evil irl so it should be censored". as for the bad taste etc thing - as long as the person in question doesn't find out i dont personally see the harm. other ppl getting second-handed distastefulness/offense about it is a slippery slope, bc again that quickly devolves into "ugh why you write about rape! / rpf! if you can write kink porn and you can do rpf (like i mean, what, we just tweak the hair color and the initials to make it 'fictional'?) - it follows you can write "distasteful" kink porn about rpf all you want. it's still fiction.okay in order
In order:
as I said in the other reply, people lost their shit because weâve had this discussion for years and every time it happens SOMEONE (most likely american but not necessarily) shows yup informing us that since mafia in US english means generally organized crime and not THAT specific organized crime we need to chill and WHO CARES YOUâRE OVERREACTING. at some point thereâs a limit to how much nice you can be when youâve been trying nicely for years and people just dismiss you most likely also because youâre not poc enough to complain - again, when it happens with people who can fall into the POC definition doing this kinda stuff automatically means youâre racist, but with us itâs not even disrespectful? or recognized as potentially harmful? fine, we lost our shit, but itâs also not the first time it happens;
the point isnât that they were making a fic about the mafia, but if we take the ETA terrorism similitude, it wasnât âmaking a fic abut ETAâ. it was, âwe are making an RPF fic where we take a real living spanish actor who has a friend who died during an ETA bombing and we make him the commander of an ETA faction which plants a bomb in madridâ. Iâd find it distasteful if it was about FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, but whatevr - itâs fictional. real people who are actually involved with those criminals on the other side? not so cool. and the fact that these people see nothing wrong with casting them as criminals for *the mafia* shows they have no idea of what theyâre talking about and again, with fictional people you can try to ignore it (even if it irks me also because 90% of the time it shows a total failure of understanding the character just by casting them as mafiosi but never mind thatâs my pet peeve), but real ones? who made a pro lgbt movie and are *allies* when a mafia killing actually was what kickstarted the creation of the hugest and first anti-homophobia/pro-gay lgbtq association in italy? like. thatâs fucking with real people and honestly if I was the director and knew Iâd feel personally slandered especially if I come from someplace where statistically everyone knows someone whoâs been hurt by the mafia in the last fifty years if they werenât themselves. like I had a friend whose father worked for the police and the antimafia division especially and lived in palermo back in the day and criminals did try to grab her out of her pre-school and they had to change cities VERY quickly after that, and I donât even live in sicily. and sheâs not even sicilian. it was twenty years ago when they planted bombs across the entire area and killed hundreds of people just in the 90s (comprehensive list). itâs not just WRITING FIC ABOUT THE MAFIA, which I could be relatively handwaving with if it was about fictional people and even then it irks me to hell and back, but real people? who make movies pro things that the mafia hates? really? and I have to hear âare you angry because youâre homophobesâ? I donât ask for it NOT TO EXIST, Iâm asking a basic modicum of decency.
ted bundy vs mafia: ted bundy is ONE person and heâs been convicted and whatever. if someoneâs personal fantasy is fucking ted bundy WHATEVER their problem. if THEY want to do the self-insert with real criminals whatever, idgi but if theyâre aware of the implications whatever. the mafia is a bunch of people and they thrive on positive media representation and itâs such large scale that it fucks with this entire country on multiple levels (ad also other countries) and here youâre not using real criminals, youâre casting as criminals people who most likely have been hurt by that same organization. itâs a difference. and if you portray it as a nice organization where hey you help people bypassing the law and gay people are accepted itâs... just... not how it works.
rpf: Iâm generally pro rpf as long as people donât go to the actual real people and donât harass them irl (which would make a lot of rpf shippers inappropriate) but like... idk if you were around in spn fandom at the time of the infamous j2 haiti fic, but if you werenât, tldr: person sees the aftermath of the haiti earthquake on tv, thinks âwell thatâd make a perfect setting for my j2 bigbang ficâ, writes an entire fic where jared and jensen go to haiti the month it happened, her artist makes art for it photoshopping those two over like... real pictures of real dead people and three betas donât find nothing remotely cringy in this concept. the fic gets published. it gets slandered to hell and back and while I didnât agree on assuming the author was a pre-trump (she most likely had no idea that stuff was kindaaa racist) and that she should have been educated, Iâd like to presume that people would think thrice before setting a Romance Story TM on a background where when it was published people were still excavating corpses from the rubble. itâs about the same concept as the romantic mafia fic. but with the haiti fic anyone on tumblr would agree that itâs hardly appropriate, with mafia fic itâs just âmeh shut up youâre whiningâ. also, while I do agree that jared and jensen, as famous people, signed up for this, too, I donât really think using real people for this kind of thing is fair, educated or a favor to them. I get itâs all fantasy and so on, but at least use the fictional characters. I can imagine j2 wouldnât be happy with knowing noncon fic where theyâre protagonists exists, neither with the haiti fic, but the noncon is standard fandom kink and whatever and no one else is involved, the haiti fic DOES. and while the people in those pictures wouldnât even know, if thatâs what you jerk off to at least be aware that itâs not exactly tasteful. and the people mentioned had zero idea that jerking off to the *mafia* au is not tasteful and that the *mafia* is *not* random organized crime. no one would have a problem if they called them CRIMINALS or mob or whatever without using the specific mafia word, but they like it because AESTHETICS which 90% of the time arenât even true because the godfather aesthetic is so NOT the camorra aesthetic itâs not even funny. and of course we shoudl educate people instead, too bad that if itâs about haiti they listen and if itâs about us, they donât;
 kink: same as above but like, again, letâs always use the poor j2 guys. the j2 mafia au as above is absolutely ew to me but at least j2 are american and most likely didnât grow up somewhere the mafia could kill their relatives or friends. guadagnino did. and whether he knows or not (HOPEFULLY HE NEVER FINDS OUT) itâs another level of disrespectful to take a guy who made a pro lgbt movie you liked and putting him in that scenario without being aware of it. and they donât listen if you tell them. thatâs the problem. I can be very tolerant, but good god at least hear people out on the subject. and if it concerns a situation that isnât even old or a dead organization but one thatâs thriving in the country still and fucks people over every day Iâd like for these people to recognize that at least itâs something not cool and not just their jerk off fodder material. at this point do the GODFATHER AU, which is what they want anyway, stick with the american mafia and try to not give them positive rep, because this idea of the mafia as a cool thing plays a major role in actual mafia organization marketing themselves as a good thing and makes the work of people actually fighting them way harder. if no one thought it was cool, it wouldnât have half the influence it has. but do I ever see mafia aus with cops or conflicted henchmen or the likes? nah. itâs all SAD ROMANTIC BACKSTORY WITH CRIMINALS. call it some other way. itâs not asking that much.
also: I am entirely down with mafia stories in media and stuff - again, I ove my sopranos and boardwalk empire and goodfellas and I actually do like the godfather when a lot of people here at this point hate it too, but none of those things make it look like itâs palatable to be in the mafia. people can jerk off to it I suppose, but at least they should be aware of that. lowering the bar, itâs why I get pissed at people passing jc as a healthy nice relationship - at least own up to your badwrong and donât sugarcoat it. in this case they donât even own up to the fact that itâs a real thing that hurts real people, never mind caring for the feelings of the people theyâre fans of - I could jerk off to my rpf faves in anything but Iâd like to know Iâm not doing it to something they would loathe, and if you have to at least use the fictional characters as the jerk-off material. I mean Iâd feel uncomfortable af using them as jerk-off material to something I know they as people would hate. obviously Iâm pro write whatever you want, but Iâm also pro âbe aware of what youâre doing and know youâre possibly jerking off to things that are actually harmful to a lot of people and if you do and are cool with that whatever but at least try to not make it look as itâs a good thingâ while at the same time assuming that someone who tells you itâs not cool is doing it because theyâre HOMOPHOBES when the mafia is the most homophobic organization in existence or close to it. we do need positive rep when it comes to mafia stories and we never get it.
like, final example: if I had seen one âsteve rogers is a cop who wants to take down the mafia-like organizationâ for every ten âtiny boss steve rogers and his russian henchman bucky are THE POWER COUPLE OF THE NY CRIME SCENE AND THEY KISS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND HELP THE WEAK WHEN THE POLICE SUCKS ASSâ fics I ran into itâd be lovely, but the point is that Iâve never seen one such fic even if itâs a lot more IC for steve rogers to take down criminals than being a criminal, and if you make people notice that nicely (which we did more than once) the usual answer is âgo fuck yourself itâs just aesthetics the mafia doesnât hurt anyoneâ when it actually did, does and will do as long as they have means to, and since this recasting of canonically good characters as *mafia* henchmen who are happy to be there and not itching to get out just really makes pass the concept that the mafia isnât really that bad I think I/we affected people have the rights to point out that itâs already a distasteful thing that people should at least read about before assuming itâs random organized crime that can be substituted for whichever worldbuilding they like, and if they donât care for that fine, at least avoid involving real people who actually would loathe that irl in it or, if anything, at least recognize that itâs fucked up to hell and back. and none of the people in that thread had the grace to do that.
I mean, obviously if I had to take the choice between one such fic not existing at all but censoring stuff and it existing without censoring stuff Iâd pick the latter even if I absolutely donât like it, but what irks me and the other people involved in this debate is how nonchalantly people do these recasting assuming that theyâre not romanticizing the thing (which theyâre doing) and then donât listen to others when theyâre pointed out that theyâre doing it and they should be aware.
like, again, I think the haiti fic was a thing that no one with some salt in their brain and a basic amount of decency should have published. someone did. they got criticized for it and it sprung a lot of discussion (including comparing it with a gen kill fic set in east timor during the war which actually did it right and so no one actually thought it was exploiting a tragedy or being in bad taste) and tbh I think that when doing fic about serious things you should at least read up on that. but the point is that these people donât listen, havenât listened for years and most likely will keep on not listening and sorry but seeing a person from palermo who shoots movies that would make any cosa nostra boss mad being recast as a cosa nostra/mafia sicilian boss who, if compared to a, uh, real life person who died recently would deal with people seceding from this organization by ordering to kidnap their children and have them dissolved in acid at the ripe age of nine is really goddamned distateful and hearing âso your problem is that theyâre gay is that why youâre so angryâ as a response instead of reading it and thinking âdamn maybe that was a bit out of lineâ isnât exactly that great.
especially because again, these organization thrive on people assuming theyâre less bad than they actually are and weâre not talking about stuff that happened three hundred years ago - the kid dissolved in acid happened in 1996 and itâs hardly the last time something like that happened. itâs not a general crime organization, itâs a very specific one, and Iâll be fine with people jerking off to any italian stereotype in existence while I roll my eyes and be fine with it, but at least Iïżœïżœd like these people to know what theyâre doing. and they arenât. and they should be. and on top of that some positive rep where the mafia people are inherently bad and the good guys want to take them down would be nice. I do get that it looks like Iâm being incoherent but Iâm not saying they canât do it, Iâm saying they should show a minimum of consideration, and they arenât. then no oneâs stopping them from doing it of course but just the fact that they-wonât-listen kind of says a lot. :/ and when it comes to real people and real things itâs not just fiction and you should at least be aware of that.
15 notes
·
View notes
lowkey part-timer!Jisung
Pairing: Yoon Jisung x Reader
Genre: Fluff, Christmas-themed, bullet-point scenario
Summary: A Christmas romance sparks between you and the cute, bubbly part-timer in your local grocery store.
Warnings: None
A/N: First story in the Christmas-themed scenarios Iâm doing! Iâm hoping Iâll be able to finish all of the rest 17 scenarios by Christmas!
Jisung was the cute part-timer at your local grocery store
Heâs been working as the cashier in aisle 8 after heâs graduated from uni after he couldnât find a job that pays decently
He decided to stay in his hometown, after suffering in a totally new city, and got a part-time job as a cashier that paid pretty well
You on the other hand, bought your own studio after moving out of your hometown
Your job as a photographer caused you move out and go to other places rather than your small town that always made you feel caged
You were putting together all your pictures you had taken the past week since you had to put out a new project soon
You decided to take a break and have a quick lunch then walk around to the parts of the city that you hadnât been able to see yet
When you come out of your studio with all your necessities, you realize that a bunch of people were putting up Christmas decor and trees around their shops
It was Christmas? Already?
You celebrated Christmas, for you were a religious person, but you never got the whole holiday spirit type of thing
You didnât really enjoy Christmas songs or the cold really
when you came out of your house you had only slipped on a thin cardigan with your camera and everything in your purse
You hated the cold
You had once been locked out of your house one winter and had to wait outside until your parents got back home from work
You were practically frozen when your dad discovered you covering your body with the welcome mat
So yah you had a trauma of the cold
You quickly take some pictures of the snow and all the people getting on ladders to decorate the light posts and rooftops
You smile at your work and skip down the sidewalk to the farther parts of town
You find yourself in front of a market which you had never seen before even when you were driving around when you first came
Maybe it was new?
You went in since you were hungry anyway and they most likely had samples
Meanwhile, Jisung was helping some of the other workers take out boxes and such, since no one was really in the lines
You were eating some of the sample dumplings when you see a chip bag fall
Youâre about to pick it up when you feel more chip bags falling on you
You lift up your arms to shield yourself and let out a small shriek
You lose your balance when a heavy box falls on you
âOMG IâM SO SORRY! ARE YOU OKAY!?!? OMG OMG!â
Youâre ready to give the guy a piece of your mind
But then all your thoughts are lost bc
Wow
This guy was cute
He was almost pouting while putting the bags back in the box
He noticed that you were standing back up so he quickly got up and bowed to you
âIâm so sorryâŠ.I-I didnât see you there!â
Youâre about to tell him itâs okay, but then suddenly a man who seemed like the manager came storming over
âYOON JISUNG!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? JUST BC ITâS ALMOST CHRISTMAS TIME IT DOESNâT MEAN YOU SHOULD LOSE YOUR WORKING MENTALITY! YO-â
âItâs fine! It was my fault! I suddenly stepped in front of him while he was passing.â
You defend jisung and heâs actually really surprised!?!?
Bc a normal person would be complaining w/the manager
And it would end up w/jisung mopping the floors or something
Yea this wasnât the first time jisung caused trouble lol
But here you were LYING so he wouldnât get in trouble
The manager is left speechless bc he kinda looks down on Jisung
So he storms away annoyed
Jisung glances at his furious manager then thanks you
âThis isnât the first time this happened & i prob wouldâve gotten fired. thank you so muchâ
You grin bc omg he was so cute?
His santa hat was about to fall off so you reach over and straighten it up
Making jisungs cheeks turn soo red you thought he was gonna burst
You leave after that whole incident and you come back a week later
You just couldnât get jisung out of your mind
You were sorta hoping to see him somewhere around the area where you live but no luck:P
So you just decided to go to his workplace yourself
When you entered, you were really shocked bc it was reallyyyyy busy
There were so many more ppl than last time
It was prob bc Christmas was now a week away
And ppl just buy presents last minute ya know
They were also preparing more food for family&friends so yah
You grab a pack of gum and head to the shortest line which was aisle 8
You were looking at your pics that you took earlier and thatâs when you hear a familiar voice greet the elderly woman in front of you
You look up w/hope that it was Jisung and boi oh boi yes it was
This time he was wearing a headband w/reindeer ears that were somehow slightly slanted
After he greets the woman in front of you goodbye he turns to you with a smile then it falters when he notices
Wow itâs that really cute girl that defended me from my devil-ish manager
You just politely smile, not knowing if he remembered you since you were irrelevant ya know
But then he totally remembers you bc
âOMG IM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! DO YOU REMEMBER ME? AH~ AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING ME FROM GETTING FIRED!â
â......uh...no problem?â
He grins and tries to make small talk w/you which is cute aha
Even tho youâre only buying one pack of gum
He somehow takes ten minutes to scan the barcode and charge you ???
I canât with jisung heâs such a cute, underappreciated bean
You were in the middle of a very intense convo about beavers so you decide to meet him at a nearby coffee shop on Christmas Eve (may or may not be where barista!daniel works but you should go check it out :P shameless self-promo)
Both of you forget to give ea. other your numbers
But hopefully both of you will remember about that date meeting
AND YOU DO
fate really is on your side
You enter the coffee shop at like 6pm bc you werenât sure if you guys decided the exact time to meet
You guys didnât lol
But ya know
Fate will bring the two of you together right?
You wait for thirty minutes, but still no Jisung
Youâre starting to think that he forgot, but then remembered he had a shift that ends at 9pm
Idk how you knew that but...it works
so you decide to just sit there and sip on some drinks
you take pictures and all
Youâre so immersed into taking pictures of everything around the whole shop, that you donât notice the timid and nervous looking man entering the now, almost empty cafe
Youâre frowning at the picture you just took when you feel a tap on your shoulder
You turn around to see Jisung with a sorry, but excited grin on his face
You greet him with a wide smile as he apologizes how he didnât know what time he had to come
He starts to ramble and you shush him
Like why does this guy say âsorryâ so many times?
âItâs fine. We both forgot to say a time to meet up. Besides, I wasnât here that longâ
He seems a tiny bit less sorry so the two of you start the convo about the beavers again
The talk about beavers went to zoos then went to how your lives went then led to your jobs, your interests, your hobbies, what that girl was wearing, blah blah blah
You felt like you really had a connection w/jisung
The two of you, as cliche as it may sound, clicked immediately
It only felt like five minutes passed, but the coffee shop owner had to kick you guys out since it was thirty minutes past closing time
You swap numbers this time and plan to meet each other at the same place tmrw @ 7pm for the annual Christmas tree lighting at downtown
Both of you lived alone and you suggested âwhy not have the loners meet up on Christmas Day?â
Jisung didnât have work and you didnât want to stress about your projects, so the two of you had agreed
As you walk back home you cant help but feel so giddy
How was a man having this much of an effect on you?
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A THING FOR HIMMMM
You smile at all the snow piling up and gape at how beautiful everything seemed
You have never felt so excited for Christmas
The next day comes by SO SLOWLYYYY
You werenât able to sleep from the anxiousness and expectation you had for the next day so you were sorta tired
But you got dressed in simple clothing and went out for a walk and to buy Jisung a Christmas present
You didnât know what he liked since you literally starte talking to him a wk ago
So you settle for some Christmas-themed socks, beanie, a pair of house slippers, and a gift card to the coffee shop you had been at yesterday
As you walk in and out of stores, you couldnt help but sing along to the Christmas carols that were playing
which you had never done b4
you did a double take and stopped singing, but you found urself humming along to âItâs Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmasâ
And you also couldnât help but oogle at all the stuffed animals that filled the walls
They were SO CUTEEE AND FLUFFYYYY
One of the stuffed ducks reminded you a lot of Jisung so you decided to buy it
You bought a lot of things, but they were all for a decent price so :))
It gets really dark really soon and itâs 6pm
ONE MORE HOUR TILL YOU MET JISUNG
You hurry back home and quickly dress in layers since it was going to be collldddd
The weather forecast said there was a 99.99999999% it was going to snow, so you couldnât risk it
Even tho the weather forecast is always wrong
You pack your camera again bc you were planning to create a Christmas themed project nxt
As you run out the door you send Jisung a txt saying that youâll be right there since it was five minutes till seven
When you arrive in the warm shop, your glasses immediately fog up causing you to groan
You try to fan the fog away but to no avail:)
Then you hear a big laugh and you turn to sorta make out a figure that looks like Jisung
He takes the end of his sleeve and cleans your glasses and youâre met with the brightest smile you have ever seen in your whole entire life
Maybe thatâs when you fell for him
Tho it was a person you had known for a little over a week
You felt like you knew Jisung since you were a kid
He hands you a cup of peppermint hot chocolate and pulls you along to get a good view of the Christmas tree b4 too much ppl come along
You get there just in time and wait a few moments until the announcer comes out onto the podium
You and Jisung both cheer as the five minute countdown starts
The minutes go by so quickly and you jump up and down to keep yourself warm
Then you see a few snowflakes falling on Jisung
You both look up to see that ITS SNOWINGGGGGGG
The whole crowd of people ooh and ahh
And some kids squeal in glee
You softly smile and get out your camera to take a few shots of the falling snow
When youâre done thereâs a minute left on the clock
You suddenly remember your present for Jisung and quickly get it out and hand it to him
âMerry Christmas!â
Jisung gasps and says âthank youâ in such a genuine way that it fills your heart w/pure happiness
He then shuffles around his backpack and takes out a large box thatâs prob filled w/similar things as you gave him
You start to hear the announcer countdown from 10
ten
And thatâs when Jisung starts to speak
âH-Hey, Y/N?â
Nine
âHmm?â
Eight
âI know itâs been only like two weeks since we metâ
Seven
But I can tell youâre such a nice person, ever since the day I first saw youâ
Six
âYouâre such a great personâŠandâŠ.uhâ
You furrow your brows
What was he trying to say?
Five
âWe have so many things in common than I thought we wouldâ
Four
âI really thought i would get fired that day i dropped the chip bags on youâ
You smile at the memories as the crowd gets louder and louder as the time to light the tree get closer
Three
âA-And ever since I saw you....Y/N...I uhâ
You roll your eyes at his weird stalling
Two
âJISUNG! SPIT IT OUT!â
He looks at you w/wide eyes
One
âI-I LIKE YOU!â
The crowd erupts in cheers and claps w/kids screaming and laughing at the lights that shown brightly
The announcer shouts ânow go home!â with a hearty laugh
Jisung stands in front of you with his hand clamped over his mouth
You stay silent and stare at him in shock
What were you supposed to say?
Sure you liked him, but you werenât sure if you wanted to date someone you had known for a week
âT-THAT CAME OUT WRONG!â
you tilt your head in confusion
âWhat?â
âI donât like you! NO NO I DO LIKE YOU! B-BUT-â
You burst out laughing at his panic
âI like you too, Jisung! But how bout having our first official date after getting to know each other a bit longer than a week?â
And the two of you stand in front of each other w/goofy smiles on your faces, in front of the glimmering, 30ft tall Christmas tree, underneath the moonlight in the gently falling snow
dang this was pretty bad lol
42 notes
·
View notes
ls it okay my friendships are all a result of me making the first move and me always asking them to hang out? obv i wish ppl would take the initiative and talk to me but if i wait for ppl, id literally never have anyone to talk to. is it bc im not worthy of having ppl talk to me first?
hi anon! under the cut.
i canât decide for you if thatâs okay or not. very honestly speaking, i have an active social life and am usually the bitch people want to invite to their parties, like, specifically. [the national voice] iâm a festival, iâm a parade
also very honestly speaking, because of this iâve been known not to take the initiative very often, unless itâs with my very, very closest friends, in which case iâll be like âyeah letâs go to this cafĂ©! letâs go to this thing! SLEEPOVERâ or something. but what i CAN tell you as the person who more often responds to invitations than makes them, is that itâs absolutely one and the same thing to me. if weâre going to a cafĂ© weâre going to a cafĂ©, whether iâm the one who proposed it or the other person. in fact, iâm very thankful to the people who take the initiative because while iâm a social animal and thrive on interaction, iâm also pretty careless in the sense that if you donât talk to me for three days then iâm like, fine. (i mean, of course, it depends, and everything has its limits.) so if my friends didnât like, make plans and then tell me, iâd just be. home. forever, or like, three days, which is my tolerance period for going without social interaction after which i start to die and reach out with my bony hands mumbling P E O P L E. ..  h as anyone seen a person,, i wish to speak with other Humans
i guess what i want to say is that itâs definitely not because youâre not worthy of having people approach you. fuck that. there could be a number of reasons why you always seem to be taking the initiative, but since you asked me this, i tried to explain from my point of view how itâs not related to anything negative at all. i guess you should think about if itâs only you that your friends act this way with, or if theyâre that way with each other too. i have friendships that are super low-maintenance in the sense that we have like a group chat where we talk occasionally and then make plans like once a month or something and otherwise just speak within ourselves you know, and i adore those girls to death. now if they were all hyperinvolved with each other and always making plans and forgetting to invite me or choosing not to, thatâd be another thing. if thatâs the case, then itâs another issue, right? itâs STILL not about you not being worthy, in that case itâs probably about them being cunts as long as you havenât done something to offend them.
also - and this isnât the nicest thing but itâs true and i also slipped up in a related context a while ago - sometimes some groups of people get along and others donât, not perfectly, and it can happen that even your own best friend makes a plan with a bunch of other people and either doesnât invite you on purpose or forgets to do it because the event/context/group is something where you might not fit in perfectly. idk, like a few weeks ago i got into a thing with my best friend bc i thought sheâd been ignoring me lately and i walked in on her hanging out with all our other best friends Without Me. it was the Ultimate Slight. I Was Anger. Â I Had Done Nothing Wrong. but it ended up being a fluke, we talked it out, i realised that i canât be paranoid about that shit. iâm usually not, it was a bad week. like i said, iâm hideously low-maintenance and wonât think twice if you donât talk to me for a year unless youâre like, my boyfriend (which i think puts a different context because friendship is pretty universal and overarching whereas a romantic relationship - that is, the way i maintain mine - is exclusive and specific, so wyd ignoring ur Specific Person u feel me)
this is a lot of rambling but what iâm saying is there could be a whole bunch of reasons why you think this is happening. but in none of them should figure the idea that youâre not worthy of being approached or hanging out with or being loved and included in a group of friends. everyone has a place, E V E R Y O N E. even the misfits have their misfits. is it possible that you havenât found yours yet? absolutely. does that mean you never will? absolutely not. and in the meantime, fucking high five to you for continuing to take the initiative and maintaining your friendships. sometimes not even the most social of us can bring ourselves to do that.
4 notes
·
View notes
THE SAGA CONTINUES. im feeling A Whole Fucking Bunch again today if i didnt say that already and it's like oh bitch. but it's feeling like, it's somehow inched along in progress today? i don't exactly understand how I have that perception (or intuition?) but, uh, maybe it's accurate?
(rhis is long . i cant do the read more thing RIP phone won't cooperate)
i am big feeling a lot of Oh Jesus at how off the rails i was allowed/encouraged to go by figures who should have been there to teach me how to use my meat suit. very angry about some things i have allowed to happen to my body. a whole bunch of absolute complete hatred, which is oddly refreshing, because i have a nasty reflector mechanism that habitually turns that kind of emotion back on myself. it tends to ping around like a laser and just hit everything. shit's like a michael bay movie or something.
like if i look at myself in isolation i repulse myself. and it's been automatic for me to like, dissociate from everything important to me in response to that feeling. i didn't even know i was doing it until recently, then i had to understand what i knew, and once i did understand, i didn't know or understand how to stop it in different situations. and like a lot of people didn't wanna show up for that shit. it's ugly. it's scary in the way actually seeing a ghost is scary. but like... it's nothing I could stop, either, and i never deserved to be demeaned over the process i was and still am going through. and i still don't have full control over it, and i'm facing the reality i never completely will.
but like at least today I can recognise that i've only ever been like that, treated myself and others so badly, because i was literally conditioned by my own fucking mother to treat people that hate me with love - and the converse, to treat my and other's instinctive love for myself with hate. i was never allowed to have that experience. like, i had no fucking frame of reference or language for that shit at all. there was no sane adult to turn to for that kind of thing. i'm still figuring it out and it's not something i feel very competent with and i have really long periods where it seems like i learn absolutely nothing and then it all kind of integrates at once in a comparatively brief flash... but then like i have periods of forgetting it all again, and it's just because i'm slipping on ice and busting my fucking face, and it's practically unavoidable because nobody ever gave me the right shoes for snow and I have to walk to the cobbler's to get some made for me because i live in a fucking village and there's no Shoe Zone a bus journey away.
god i feel like a mechanic who shows up to repair something and finds out none of his allen keys fit. none of his screwdrivers are the right shape. none of his wrenches have the right number of sides. the wiring inside the machine is all wrong, and he can't actually figure out what it does, because it looked like a regular washing machine when he showed up, but it's all somehow kind of off now he's up close. the door doesn't open and there are switches instead of dials and a whole series of lights that may or may not mean anything. worst of all, it's still connected to the mains and the water supply, and when he finally starts fumbling around with the device to try and find what he was told was the problem, he discovers that what looked like the fuse breaker and the stopcock were not so! so he gets a nasty shock and a cold fucking splash, and because he HAS to fix this very alien machine, this kind of mishap happens over and fucking over. until he finally fixes it, i suppose, or dies in the process? but hopefully not the latter.
idk it's more of the same like usual but in a different kind of way. like i'm more comfortable not trying to make myself understood by people who either have the inability to hear me, or are committed to not hearing me. more trust that people might exist who value the kind of smart i actually am vs the kind of smart they expect me to be, not that i really understand what kind of smart i am yet, or that i trust the new trust.
hmm yeah it's a whole fucking thing. a whole fucking thing. i guess I'm just gonna like, keep plodding along, make some fucking bread, try to graduate with a reasonable degree. look at birds and plants. listen to a bunch of music. gaze at the moon and think abt how pretty she is. sew ugly little monster creatures. maybe it'll get more interesting along the way.
i'm very appreciative of the ppl who read this who have been around for a while and know more of the places i've been. i'm not fully cognizant but i'm aware this tone is very different to how i have been and can be, and it astounds me anyone would stick around to watch that kind of change. like i gotta be real it's really kind of a lot.
anyway yeah tjats me Going Through Itâą this morning . now im gonna make that goddamn bread and maybe go out later.
0 notes